#in any case. i stand by this opinion
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the people who enjoy Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy enjoy OK Computer by Radiohead. discuss.
#if it isn’t already common enough knowledge#the title of the album and the track Paranoid Android are both references to the first novel#hitchiker's guide to the galaxy#radiohead#ok computer#music#books#they’re both stellar pieces of media and they’re sort of broadly critically acclaimed#enough that some amount of obnoxious contrarians might just shit on them#because pretentious assholes of the author/artist do exist#in any case. i stand by this opinion#it makes so much sense
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wriothesley 3, 16, 17 :3 -- @milkstore
[Character Analysis Ask Meme]
What is Wriothesley’s mbti/enneagram?
Wriothesley is a 9w8 ESTP sp/so.
What is the best way to win Wriothesley’s heart?
Wriothesley is a simple man, and simple men require simple methods. Simply put, the best way to win Wriothesley’s heart is to flirt with him. He doesn’t need much more than that. Challenge him, tease him, take him by surprise. Play hot and cold. Accept his invitations for tea, then spurn his advancements the next. Present yourself as a catch, dance right out of his reach, and let his instincts kick in. But make sure you’re having fun too. It’s not a game if both people aren’t having fun.
What are Wriothesley’s strengths in a relationship?
Of the many traits Wriothesley was blessed with, two that stand out are his level-headedness and his tendency toward action. No matter what you may go through as a couple, he will not be overcome by stress or fear. You can always trust him to be solid no matter the storm. Not to mention you can trust he will not take the backseat in your relationship. If there is anything wrong, he will address it. But more than that, if he sees the chance to make you happy, he will take it, whether it’d be bringing home flowers or taking you on a date to something you want to see. In a relationship, he won’t let you feel alone.
#genshin impact#genshin x reader#wriothesley#wriothesley x reader#my writing#character analysis#okay! i admit it! because it was you i let myself get a bit lazy with the writing#it’s not as uwu as it normally is#wriothesley’s ivs were so hard here because you can make an argument for any of the synflow types#he exudes pseudo sx vibes but i’m p sure that’s the case bc he’s the typical leather jacket bad boy types being an estp and 9w8 haha#i will say tho that the winning his heart thing isn’t completely accurate#that’s more how to capture his attention and get him to be interested in you#imo he’s not picky you know?#but if you had to ask i’d say he’s attracted to fighters#not in the super saiyan sense or in the love hate relationship sense p#i mean more like…. you don’t simply accept everything that’s handed to you… even things you don’t like#you have enough self respect to stand up for yourself in the way that you can get him to say#‘oho? i like that look in your eyes’#he’s a fighter so it only makes sense haha#but that’s just my opinion he’s pretty open
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i think the most annoying part of amatonormativity is that not only do you NEED to feel love, and not only is there an order your relationships must follow (romantic/sexual partnership above all, then family, then friends) but the fact that other people HAVE to be your top priority. like even if you feel all kinds of attraction, if you dare put anything else above your relationships they consider you evil. god forbid you enjoy your hobbies more than being around your friends even though how much you care about something is completely outside of your control. it's the worst.
#aromantic#aplatonic#amatonormativity#okay personal rant incoming. i ended a close friendship over them having opinions on a hyperfixation of mine that i couldn't stand#well it was more complicated than that it's really not the only reason it had to end#but the point is. they got so upset over me putting a fictional thing above them or whatever. and it's just. what if that IS the case?#am I evil for the order in which o like things? something i have zero control over?#like if it makes me so upset i can't talk to them without feeling legitimate dread it's not possible to maintain any kind of relationship#I'm sorry but that's just how I am#i can't change things I literally cannot control
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Between Sonic and Tails, who do you think would end up confessing their feelings first?
Good question. Definitely depends upon the iteration and context, but for the most part (at least in my head) getting either of them to confess (and in some cases even ruminate on their feelings and admit to themselves the nature of them) is hard
Like, for example, I personally think that game!Sonic (and post sgw Archie Sonic and IDW Sonic) kind of take Tails' presence for granted in a way. To them, it will always be the two of them (Sonic and Tails). The ideal future is that they keep on hanging out and still fight side by side sometimes and that even if Sonic goes it alone he can always come back from his adventures to chill with Tails or crash at his place. In other words, in Sonic's fantasies of the future, things like getting married or raising families or anything like that are just kind of tacked on as something that will just kind of be true at best and ignored at worst. If he even considers a future where things are a bit different because Tails is together™ with someone, to him it's only natural that Tails would be in his life the same way and nothing would really change. And so to that end, even if Sonic DOES realize his own feelings, he probably wouldn't see any good reason to confess. It would make things more complicated, especially if Tails doesn't share those feelings, and he doesn't have to worry anyways because Tails will always prioritize the two of them and be at his side, right?
And then it's even worse for versions of Sonic more akin to, say, pre sgw Archie Sonic. This is because in addition to the already existing unwillingness to change things and the assumption that he doesn't ever have to worry about no longer being the center of Tails' world (or a major figure in it at least), there is some palpable internalized homophobia within that hedgehog with an added complexity. For Archie Sonic in particular, I think even if he realized that he wanted to even be with Tails forever in a strictly non brothers fashion, he would feel mixed feelings about that (perhaps that coming out about it would ruin things or make things weird, or that getting together with Tails at any point would deprive him of "normalcy", or that he'd pressured Tails into it, or even just weird or a bit creepy).
As for Tails, I actually think that most iterations of him have figured their feelings out by this point. In all honesty, there's only so long you can go on fixating on someone and admiring them, and structuring your life around them before you realize your "I want to be with them" isn't just about simply admiring them. It's just that Tails' main obstacle to me is the avoidance of ruining anything.
On one hand, there's Sonic's avoidance to being tied down. We've seen time and time again Sonic rejecting people who pursue him openly or looking uncomfortable with them. Archie Sonic in particular made it clear that this version of Sonic couldn't stand the idea of not being able to freely be himself or adventure. He couldn't stand the idea of having to tie himself down and taking on extra responsibilities and expectations simply because he's with someone. I can see Tails being afraid that by confessing, he could scare Sonic away. If he happened to confess and Sonic thought Tails meant to stifle him or Sonic felt uncomfortable by that open expression, wouldn't that risk their relationship? Even if Sonic wouldn't go so far as to drop him as a best friend (which he never would do that for the record), there's still real fear in making things weird or different between himself and Sonic.
And that feeds right into the other hand. On the other hand, Sonic probably doesn't see him that way, right? Though Sonic is special to him and Sonic also cares for him back, at best Sonic has never thought about it and never will, or he just wouldn't feel the same (in Tails' eyes). With Archie Tails in particular, even if Tails gets over his own interlized homophobia about it and recognizes his feelings for what they are, he probably feels that there's no way to be anything different than a brother to Sonic, and thus confessing would be a terrible move. If Tails confesses and Sonic doesn't feel the same, it also runs the risk of making things weird between them or (in Tails' eyes) ruining it.
All this to say that my general opinion is that as long as things stay exactly the way they are forever, even if they start spending even more time together, I find it hard to believe either of the two will opt into confessing on purpose
But, with that being said, a confession is not an impossibility. I don't think either of the two are immune to being put in a position where they finally confess (and no, with the state of things for them, simply saying "I love you" will not count as a confession). And if we barred situations where like. They're literally about to die or one can do anything they like without the other (or themselves) remembering the outcome, I actually can give you an answer
And honestly, if one of them had to confess eventually, I believe it would probably end up being Sonic.
Why? Well, out of the two, Tails actually sits back and thinks about his emotions more often than not. I think even before he figured out the exact nature of his feelings he knew he felt very strongly for Sonic. But, no matter which media you're touching upon, I feel as if Tails fits into that archetype of "person who has been in love with their best friend since literally forever, but knows their best friend will never feel the same". The longer Tails ruminates on these feelings, the stronger he feels them, the more he watches Sonic (especially as someone who cares about plenty of people other than him), the more time he spends with Sonic, the less incentivized he feels to actually confess. Especially if Sonic would never feel the same, the best Tails can hope for is that things stay the same between them and Sonic never replaces his role.
Or in short, Tails is so in his head about it at this point, it's very hard to convince him that confessing is ever a good idea or necessary.
But while Tails is more obviously attached to Sonic, Sonic is much less obviously attached to Tails and other people as a whole. With him being "free as the wind" and the kind of figure he is, he kind of benefits from having the persona of a guy who doesn't need his friends but (nevertheless) can be assisted by them. He probably seems cool for being so strong and independent while equally caring that people live. But this doesn't mean Sonic doesn't have attachments (far from it). Rather, for Sonic, his attachments to others seem to naturally grow. And the more time he spends with them, the more he grows used to their presence. And especially with someone like Tails, who has been around as his companion the longest, he doesn't sit around long enough to consider that Tails would ever leave his side. Once he grows used to that person, he doesn't have to recognize his attachment or even think about the nature of his own feelings because it is and always has been whatever it is. So, in other words, even if he becomes more and more reliant on the fact that Tails will always be around or that Tails will always assist him, he doesn't have to admit more than "This is what our best friendship is. This is what it's like"
All of this is to say that while my idea of present Tails would be trying to do anything in his power to stay with Sonic (as long as Sonic is willing of course), even if that means never confessing the exact nature of his feelings for the hedgehog, Sonic isn't already thinking about these things. This means that while Tails has very few pathways to confession, Sonic has plenty!...if you scare him well enough.
For example, Idw Sonic has been more clearly spending more time with Tails (even baseline just. Crashing at his place more often) after the metal virus arc. Couple this with post neo metal incident 2 electric boogaloo idw Sonic who just wants to have a break and live peacefully for a minute, this is a Sonic who has become scared enough to want to indulge in spending more time with Tails. I also think that post Sonic Prime Sonic is also a version of him who would start to spend more time with Tails than before after having already lost him and having to deal with the Tails shaped hole in his life once.
So, if you got a Sonic to the point where he'd fully accepted his feelings and he felt like confessing them would be necessary to secure the future he wants, then he'd confess. Honestly, the easiest way I'd see this going about would be a story where Tails is framed as leaving him to go do something or be somewhere else, away for Sonic, possibly indefinitely, or if Sonic actually has to spend enough time without Tails after initially telling himself his own feelings wouldn't matter so long as Tails is happy wherever he is. But, if it came down to confessing being something that might actually bring Sonic to his desired future (especially if Tails rejecting him is no different from prolonging the separation they already have if he says nothing), then I think he could work up the courage to do it.
And in the end...I think it has to be Sonic. Although I on occasion enjoy fantasizing about moments where Tails can't take it anymore and confesses, only for Sonic to realize his own feelings in the process, I think that Sonic would have to be the one who confesses his feelings/wishes for the future for Tails to even believe that his pipe dreams are a possibility. I think it's Sonic who would need to pull Tails out of his head, because the probability that Tails works up the courage to confess is more unlikely.
So...yeah. In my head, Sonic is driven to a point where he confesses and pulls Tails out of his head about it.
#sonic the hedgehog#tails the fox#miles tails prower#sontails#unbreakable bond#i just be ramblin#flashoneonetwo interview#long post#In all honesty#I think what's most likely for them (best case at least) is a kind of future where they're more domestic partners who also go on adventures#than anything#Or basically...things are kind of as they are now they've just been growing closer still?#And without intervention or conflict in the form of moving on or adding other people to the mix that may replace the other's standing in#their lives any way‚ I can honestly see them never truly confessing or recognizing their relationship for what it is#But then again perhaps if the stars aligned and they borderline had a married with kids relationship and Sonic started joking about them#being together only to realize the truth™ then maybe a confession is in order?#Yeah.#On the bright side‚ even if they never confess‚ at least the two of them could be happy and also be happy and content being as they are as#best friends as long as they're by each other's sides and have each other's back forever#And with this as a possibility‚ even I would not be sad if there wasn't an outright confession#After all...who needs words when you're living your truest life without them?#Anywho#Thank you so much for the ask!#I must admit that I initially was gonna talk about different iterations of them and how a confession may go‚ but in the end I ended up#explaining my sort of collective sontails thoughts/the general interpretations I have of them#While it is my interpretation/opinion at the end of the day though it does touch my heart that you'd want to know😂😊#If you do end up having any other questions pertaining to these two and my opinions/readings or anything else‚ do always feel free to shoot#me another ask!!😊
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Regarding previous post about disco horse: I really appreciate that everyone is actually talking for once, but a kind of jab happened on my mental health so I have to step away. It isn't from this post, but the reason is sort of connected
Again, I personally find no problems with the DLC except for how Radahn ship came from nowhere and can justify how that comes. But regardless of how many things anyone else dislikes about the DLC: you are valid to hate it as much as you want, but when you start insulting people who loved/accepted/justified the DLC as "media illiterate fromsoft dickriders who keeps coping even after the honeymoon phase passed" and variation I draw the line. There are many ways where other fans can find reason where you didn't and there is potential in new lore that you won't use. Absurd how some people are still willing to support illusory narrative that Radahn Redditor simps are the "worst" part of the fandom when not even at their most arrogant and annoying they can dream to reach HALF of the toxicity cultish Miquella/Malenia fans have, over the awful crime of having different readings, opinions and priorities.
And yes, I know it is inevitable that Tumblr and Twitter fans WOULD make a moral/intellectual/maturity contest out of how people feel about the DLC (🤡🤡🤡), but it hurts when people I actually don't want to butt heads with who start to approve of this mentality. Like, okay cool. Wallow in your elitist toxic pool of Ledas while we, "pathetic dickriders" go and "cope" somewhere else, hope everyone is more comfortable this way 🤦♂️ I am tired of getting hurt through endless passive aggression and I have my limits. It is just always hurtful to finally rip the bandage, even IF it is to the better. I need a hiatus for a longer time, albeit for a different reason now
#fandomry rambles#personal#/vent#like no anon haters or even harass campaign can really hurt me#it is just people I consider my pals who can#back in april I split with a guy who likewise was miquella fan of a certain kind#and the worst part is that with him it was triggered by the SAME toxic user's antics#stupid how people were trying to gaslight me that they are 'merely sharing their opinions'#when they are clearly cultish freak cultivating toxicity of 'right and wrong' fans based on their HEADCANONS#screw you guys you are way too naive#I just can't accept this#even if I slipped a few times in THREE YEARS SPAN saying mean things abour gehrman haters#ive improved and above all it wasnt consistent but just bad days and reacting at THEIR insults#when someone *consistently* and deliberately mocks every fan that dares to feel differently?#this is just abhorrent and I don't understand people who accept this behavior only because-#-they happen to share headcanons and opinions with the op#there are more important things than agreeing on hcs and opinions! like climate in fandom!#ugh!!!#in any case it is clear what some people REALLY think of me isn't it!!!#now if you don't mind me I'll go 'cope' and elaborate 'shitty miyazakis writing' in my carians headcanons#if I can walk after 'riding fromsofts dick' so much -_-#I swear the worst chadahn stand can say is that you are overthinking because there is no evidence
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....why are the youtube comments so mad lol don't y'all like to have fun. don't we like to have fun here
#ari speaks#half of them are 'wahhh this is what happens when you make games WOKE' like. baby. shhhh. it's not dark fantasy enough for you???#like we are allowed to have varied opinions but also idk. dragon age has always had moments of being a lil silly. especially inquisition.#titsicles???? the nug king???? i'm attacking your holdfast with a goat????? cmon now.#we DO get a little silly here and i'm really not opposed to (well-placed) tonal irreverence in a world about to end.#bitch the world we are CURRENTLY living in is falling apart and i am also being a silly fucking guy because it's all i got.#if i lived in thedas irl i'd be in taverns getting tomatoes thrown at me for bad stand-up about kirkwall HAVE SOME FUN LIVE A LITTLE.#also bc it's been so long one has to imagine that they're also trying to grab some new fans here so it does not surprise me#that the trailer is not 'Boo Hoo Sad Times Dark Fantasy Game No. 49' (i say as an enjoyer of depressing dark fantasy)#esp when all of the prior promotional material has been very doom and gloom.#i don't think that just because the game is being marketed like this/that we're switching focus from solas that the game will be#sanitized and not dealing with any kind of fucked up lore and shit. i am holding out hope that we're going to get some cool opportunities#to play in a space that is def dark but can still give room to breathe.#anyway i do not actually giv a fuck (genuine not insulting) if the trailer did not make u excited das ok.#unless you're complaining that it's woke garbage now/so bad because g*ider is uninvolved. if thats the case you may fuck off.#sorry for the tag essay!
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I've legitimately been thinking a lot about trans women lately and like the women I know in my life and how complex and human and real they are. Specifically because I understand the world is not kind to trans women and likes to generalize them horribly.
I know a woman who's an artist and spending her time dreaming about stars. I know another woman who's a terrible friend and manipulative as hell. I know one who's shy and sweet and so intelligent. Trans women can be so many things 💖
I really care deeply about trans women and I hope in my friend groups I'm a good ally to them and know to stand up vocally for them. Trans women deserve so much and they're given not enough. Everyone can do something to stop transphobia by speaking up when they hear it. Don't let your friends make transphobic jokes. Don't let your dad regurgitate trump's words. Protect the trans women in your life and everywhere else, they need to be loved and respected. Mwah! 🥰
#mine#💖🥰trans women🥰💖#all humans are complex and its a beautiful thing#*cough* and a small thought#if we deny healthcare to one prisoner. no matter how disgusting the crime. it sets a precedent to deny healthcare to any prisoner#for any reason#and denying a prisoner trans healthcare is denying a prisoner life saving medicine in my opinion#trans healthcare saves lives#its basic healthcare if you ask me not some sort of secret sect of magic healthcare that should cost more#so yeah. i think people who've done horrible things should have trans healthcare in prison#but thats not even getting into my opinions on prison abolishment. thats just talking about prison existing now#so idk if yall know what case im talking about? i could find it if anyones curious i didnt dig into it at allll#just some stoned opinions from a gender fucked bitch#ummm prisoners deserve healthcare?#duh#trans rights are human rights#pre school levels of basic respect#ive been thinking about this way too much lately since im all gender fucky and i feel like trans women are just .... intelligent about those#feelings. yk? and that's me generalizing but i mean all the Tumblr ladies i see on my dash talking about life and experiences#they are smart ladies#tumblr promotes terf content and deletes trans womens blogs and i try to follow trans women but tumblr still recommends terf blogs to me#i am angry bout it#i have a very complex and long standing relationship with gender identity and gender fuckery *pulls out my resumé*#idk thoughts#im stoned sorry yall#serious post but im not being unstupid#what#okay#bye
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so much of the time I come on tumblr and see absolute garbage political opinions, but the saving grace is that I only see them as the OP in a reblog chain of fact checking and takedowns 😅
#lita talks about herself#tbh this is prob because i unfollowed the couple of ppl who put garbage opinions directly on my dash#everyone else is fine lol#in any case most of these garbage opinions read to me like they're written by a barely 18yo who thinks they know everything#and can't possibly be wrong about anything#listen i was 18 once that's just the way you are at that age#but when you're in your 40s you will know that you knew nothing when you were 18#when you're 18 it's possibly you only lived through two and a half presidents and you were too little to remember one or two of them#you learned stuff in history class but that's not the same as living through it#(yes my tags are us-centric i know)#the point stands that at age 18 your book knowledge of government is fine but your practical knowledge / experience is pretty non-existent
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just debated a zionist at work i need a fuckin smoke
#told him to look up the definition of genocide and then come back and tell me i’m wrong#like i get that you’re brainwashed by our government to think being against israel equals antisemitism#but that is not the case#you think you’re doing the right thing#but in reality you’re excusing a fucking genocide#and anyone who knows anything about judaism knows that israel and the shit they’re doing is a disgusting affront to the jewish faith#like i wouldn’t normally share my opinion on this unprompted but this teacher too it upon himself to argue w one of my students#and i couldn’t stop myself from saying something#i tried but the shit he was saying was making me furious#so i took the kids side and gave my own two cents and he dismissed me just the same#fuck him tho#we won the debate#but really the wik goes to my one student for being endlessly informed and patient enough to explain it#i told him j admire that like i woulda jjst walked out#i know i’m not supposed to voice any controversial opinions here at this fucking job in this fucking place i know very well is corrupt#but liek#i cant just fucjing sit there and listen to you excuse fucking ethnic cleansing without speaking up#i don’t care#morally i cannot stand by and listen to that shit without saying something#p
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“Big sis general” “uncle Donnie” ok
#btw for future reference I think ppl who were angry at any criticisms were deranged#but I also think ppl who were upset about the two party system going for Jill stein also have no clue what’s going on#oh also final thoughts before I block the election tag till tomorrow lmao#uhm I think ppl who were upset about voting in this system at all should’ve stood on business#bc if we know there’s no such thing as an ethical President I don’t think it’s a pipe dream to green#I think it’s a pipe dream to expect anything different or better#so like I think the real convo is how far are u willing to go#like I have no words for ppl who think mommala will save us#best case scenario she pulls out every stop and reveals she’s been with us all along which. looking at past actions would be a hell of a#switch up#but when it comes to the argument on whether u should or shouldn’t vote#it’s less that and more do you support ur stance beyond the internet#if ur so intent on fixing the system from the inside are u doing more than just voting every four years#what are u doing to stop what happened last time where everyone went behind Biden 1000%#convinced black ppl who were concerned about his racial history to ignore it#and then sat on their asses until the next election#cause that’s been my main concern. that nothing really changed#but flipside if ur refusing to vote what are u doing#like how else are u helping materially is ur protest something controlled organized sending a message or are u too scared to do anything?#and this isn’t hate It’s stream of consciousness#like my opinion has always been do what you do but be honest and smart about it#if ur voting in ur own self interest don’t pretend to care about things we’re seeing you put on the back burner#if you’re not voting at all don’t pretend you’re doing more than exactly what you’re doing#voting is communication and all that and you don’t get to say what you’re saying and what ppl are seeing you say is untrue bc u said so#basically stand on business#I’m just wondering WHAT the business is#and this is not any holier than thou shit I made my choice and these are questions I’m genuinely grappling with myself#I will say that if the same thing happens again you cannot fool me thrice lmao#that post that’s like whatever happens it’s white ppls fault#yeah
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🌊 lugias-sopping-anus
Can't stand how people will learn that humans are related to Pokemon and somehow come to the conclusion that different people are different types. That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works.
🍑 pechaberrysoda
there are literally so many fighting type people what are you even talking about lmao
🌊 lugias-sopping-anus
Your genetic make up doesn't just magically change type because you took a karate class. Do you also think your Charizard is a Grass type now because it learnt Solar Beam?
✨ ace-trainer-luna
But aren't Psychic type people a thing? Some humans have telekinetic powers, I'm pretty sure there are a few gym leaders who have them. There are even rare cases of children born with psychic abilities.
🌸 cynthiasfuturewife
that's still just learning moves
🌌 mistyterrain
As an actual Psychic type, this post is really disheartening to see. The fact that people who still refuse to acknowledge the existence of psychics are so common is just shocking. We exist!
☣ deathtounova
no one's refusing to acknowledge the existence of shit, you just don't know how types work
🌌 mistyterrain
The sheer ignorance on display here, it's obvious you're just mad you're a normal type lol.
☣ deathtounova
how bout i karate chop your ass and we'll see how "not very effective" it is
🌌 mistyterrain
Typical physical attacker brutishness, resorting to violence as usual
🦧 return-to-mankey
didn't you claim you manifested the kyogre disaster in hoenn?
⚡ electrictypesfuckyeah
WHAT
🥀 cradilyzone
Actual professor here! Genetically, all humans are Normal types, though some of our relatively recent ancestors were Psychic. Part of what let us succeed as a species was reutilizing the brain power originally used for psionics to language and tool use. We do still have some vestigial psychic power that can be trained, though it's quite weak compared to most Pokémon. As for those born with psychic powers, this is considered nowadays to be like an egg move, passed down from parent to child. And no, obviously learning Fighting moves doesn't make you a Fighting type, there is no way for a human to change their type.
🌔 hexmaniac
my grandma became a ghost type
🔶️ bigjiggly
I-
🔞 mega-miltank
What about swimmers though, they're water type, right?
📀 HM-69
did you even read the post
��� n-did-nothing_wrong
Are we all just ignoring OP's url?
🌊 lugias-sopping-anus
Team Plasma apologist blog, opinion discarded.
🛗 mostlymukposts
This post single handedly evolved my Porygon-2
#this is mostly a shitpost but like#also genuinely a problem i have with the things people say sometimes#pokemon#fake post#unreality
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@catamaranthenonnewtonianfluid
#every installment of this bops#if quin disappears after Obi-Wan nukes his identity i imagine that at least a couple jedi will realise where quinlan is headed#and having another padawan vamoose to mandalore (and with how concerning obi's whole *everything* has been) i imagine someone might go#after him which obvious one is tholme but if youre looking for a way to sneak lumi in maybe quin#successfully caused enough of a distraction that his disappearance isnt noted for a couple days#and luminara is on mission closer to mandalore when the realisation hits#maybe maybe?#vhonte being on side for the next chaos run (from everyone else's perspective) is very good that will be fun#she probably needs enrichment right#obi is the meat filled pumpkin they needed
vhonte vhonte vhonte vhonte vhonte vh
alright i'm good. we'll come back to vhonte in a minute tho
so as i said in the comments of this post, your tags inspired me to tiptap out a lil scene that wasn't really like. intended to end up in the final story, but it would have been okay if it did, and now it's sort of become a cornerstone of where the fic might end up. because y'all are enabling me on the Luminara front and my brain was on that world building kick after differentiating the Manda vs ka'ra vs Ka'ra, i then started world building the Unifying vs Cosmic vs Physical vs Living Force and decided Luminara gets to be a Lil Special, which incidentally helps keep Obi from being too OP, altho i love time travel as an excuse for OPness
so so so so. i mentioned in tags ages ago that Obi-Wan's crèchemates can feel something different from their Force bonds with him after he time hops. for this story, his crèche clanmates are Bant, Garen, Reeft, Bruck, Aalto, and four others that won't have enough bearing on the plot to name. and i like the idea of there being some variety of age in clans, because i sincerely think the Jedi would embrace the importance of learning from many different ages early, not just later in their training; "the padawan teaches the master" and all that. not too much variety, of course, since that would be detrimental to some aspects of learning. i will say i'm not big on some legends canon saying they put kids in clans based on like. their tendencies for certain aspects of learning, like heliost clan being for those with "deep insight", or kids put in katarn for being "stealthy". that just smacks of h*gwarts houses and i HATE the implication of predetermining a child's interests and strong suits.
BUT that's beside the point. I've decided Obi's clan was the Kamoradon or Saberjowl clan, partly because it's close to catamaran and is an aquatic creature, and also because it's from Kamino for ~Force shenanigans~ and ~destiny~ reasons. I love the head(?)canon that Quinlan is a few years older, so isn't even technically their agemate, but he's often grouped with them 'cause he's so close to all the Saberjowl initiates that ended up on the knighthood track (Bruck, of course, died, and I have Aalto as well as their other clanmates moving on to various corps instead. except maybe one of them? that doesn't stay close with the other Saberjowls. no bad blood or anything, just didn't reaffirm those Force bonds after they all went their separate ways for padawanship), and it's often forgotten that Quinlan isn't one of their old clanmates, especially because he isn't close with the clan he was inserted into since he came to the crèche so late and didn't stay for long. and he also often acts younger than he is.
for the purposes of this fic, Jedi (and Force users in general) typically find themselves "aligned" with one of the four different... facets of the Force. it's partly philosophy, and partly just what part of the Force they draw most strongly from. i've already made my opinions on h*gwarts houses clear, so this "alignment" is far more like Naruto's elemental chakra affinities: you can learn jutsu from those other elements, and even do them well, but they'll never be as easy to master or perform as your natural affinity. the way these different facets of the Force work in canon seem to be more philosophy-based, as in they're different ways of viewing the Force, but that doesn't hold up across even Lucas canon, so i'm taking it all and running with it
so, quickly:
Living Force = the parts of the Force that connect all living things, both sentient and not; "an all-encompassing and all-transcending energy field—present in and generated by all living beings, connecting all of life which fed into the Cosmic Force in death" (wookieepedia); Living Force users focus on the present, relying on instincts more than thinking; from my understanding, is directly related to and caused by midichlorians.
Cosmic = a "wellspring" for the Living Force, binding all things together in tandem with the Living, transcending space and time and dealing with "destiny"; connected to but not the same as the Living Force; this is what Jedi and Force users "listen to" in order to follow its "Will", sometimes viewed as semi-sentient; is what connects to the midichlorians??
Unifying = energy connecting everything non-living, such as stars and space; users focus on the future and prescience, on ensuring the Force's Will in the future, rather than the present like those of the Living Force; are focused on the flow of time as a whole rather than the immediate moment; from a theological standpoint, many that followed the Unifying often believed in there not being a Light and a Dark side (though I'm unclear just on who these "many" are, as they seem to be mainly in EU novels). this last aspect won't be dealth with in this fic.
Physical = the parts of the Force a user can manipulate directly, such as "manipulating objects, influencing other beings, and affecting the environment" (wookieepedia).
reiterating: all Force-sensitive beings can use any and/or all facets of the Force, and indeed do, but are naturally inclined to one of them, or can build a philosophy to one that makes it their primary.
how the philosophy aspect comes into play for this and future works of mine is how one's views affect their connection to the Force, and how some philosophies and views have fallen out of favour, in this case the Unifying and the Cosmic (due to lots of reasons, but mainly the spreading Darkside affecting the connection to the Unifying and Cosmic Forces, which we do actually see in canon with prescience being directly affected by the Sith's spreading influence). since the Cosmic is seen in tandem with the Living, I like to think most Jedi at this point in the timeline (c. 41 BBY) don't view them as separate facets to have a strength in, so really see the options as being stronger in the Living or Physical Forces, with the Unifying Force being a tool or area of study that gets some eye-rolls when brought into discussions. there are of course the very rare Jedi being stronger in the Unifying, but they are encouraged to make that a secondary focus at best and to pick the Living or the Physical. what does that mean for this fic??
obviously Sifo-Dyas' natural inclination is the Unifying, and he's a stubborn bastard who dug his feet in and never let the more common dogmas of the Temple make him focus on the Living or Physical (this is not a condemnation of the Order, btw; but we canonically [in EU and legends] see those who subscribe to more esoteric or less understood philosophies treated less than favourably by the Order at large). Jedi like Yoda (and those like Palpatine, canonically) use the philosophies of the Unifying more as a supplemental tool; I headcanon Yoda as aligned to the Physical Force, and that absolutely affects how he uses and views the Unifying and Cosmic Forces, such as his belief in destiny but maintaining the adage "always in motion, the future is". hmm many basically listen to the Cosmic Force about destiny and what the Will of the Force is, but then discredit those that go about it differently? tell those strong in the Unifying to not worry too much about the big picture in terms of time, but expect them to look at the big picture immediately around them? not everyone, obviously, but when the grandmaster is so firm in his ways of looking at the universe and the Force, well ¯\(°ᴥ°)/¯ the Jedi aren't perfect, as a whole or as individuals, and make mistakes. this reluctance to embrace all facets of the Force as equal is one of them, at least for my works
Obi-Wan is obviously also Unifying-aligned, and while at this point Qui-Gon is doing much better in understanding it as a physical difference in how they interact with the Force from each other, not just Obi-Wan's personal philosophies and anxieties, much of that damage is already done, especially with Yoda's influence. Obi-Wan did grow out of his clearer and more intense visions, but I haven't decided if that's directly at influence of the Sith, or just a natural consequence of learning to shield as Jedi do, or even just a normal part of growing up. he is, however, still repressing, so to speak, and channeling the Living Force which is not half as easy as channelling the Unifying would be for him. in this 'verse, future Obi would eventually learn better, ironically in large part due to his picking up of Soresu, which greatly improves with some level of prescience and using said prescience in battle.
okay okay all of that was so I get to talk about Luminara being a rare Jedi naturally aligned to the Cosmic Force. in the broader Temple, like with the Unifying, the Cosmic is seen as a skill or tool, one that every Jedi is supposed to have some skill with, but is not really seen as something one can be strong in or naturally aligned with, not a facet unto itself but as an aspect of the Living Force. some Jedi pursue a deeper connection to it, but aren't allowed to until after knighthood, largely because there's a worry of one falling (not Falling) too deep into the Force and losing themselves. There is some precedent for this, in my fanon, because i think the idea of Force Ghosts initially happening by accident is hilarious; then people learned to do it on purpose, like Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan and Yoda and Anakin, etc., but the first Force users that managed it just got too deep into the Cosmic to get back out again.
ANYWAY Luminara was initially seen as aligned with the Unifying while in the crèche (not in Obi-Wan's clan, but about the same age as them; maybe a year older? Clawmouse clan, maybe?), since her "visions" seemed really similar to Obi-Wan's when they were very little, and that's where they bonded and Luminara became a staple in their friend group, to the point she's also forgotten not to have been a part of Saberjowl clan. okay and here's where my fanon of the Cosmic really comes into play: the Living Force is a facet of the present, of the seen and immediate surroundings, while the Unifying is a facet of the future. the Cosmic is a facet of the unseen present. it isn't prescience if it's happening at that moment, and she "sees" things those aligned to the Living Force don't, she has even higher empathy than most, she sees what people are trying to hide, but also things she simply has no business knowing, often due to distance (like across-the-galaxy distance, sometimes), but not because she's seen the future. luckily her master (canonically another Mirialan, though unnamed) caught the difference between her and Obi-Wan, and encouraged strengthening her skill and connection to her natural alignment, despite many masters and much of the high council advising against it.
so she's the one that knows immediately when something with Obi-Wan changes. she feels it in the Force first, that something is different, and then feels it when Obi-Wan snaps a shield over all of his Force bonds with his friends. he's done it before, multiple times (he's years ahead of his agemates in shielding, but because he'd had to learn younger than most so he could manage his visions), but the way he shields them now is Masterful, with a capital M (Quinlan says this in the scene i have written lmao), and Luminara only notices the shielding going up because she's already paying attention. their friend group is all in a little study session together, Obi-Wan the only one out on a mission (i love love love @roosjem's trope across their fics of the Jedi trying their best to keep all of their crèche clan from being in-Temple at the same time to limit the Chaos™; that's not what's happening here, but i still wanted to shout that out. also just read all of roosjem's works, they're some of my all-time favorite in fandom), so Luminara pointing it out makes them all realise Obi-Wan is all but blocking them. again this isn't the first time he has, far from, but never this thoroughly, never this well. they can tell he's not dead and is physically well, but that's about it
this happens more or less right after he lands in the past, when he decides like. immediately that he's going to fix the future. like there's no hesitation, no waffling about preserving the timeline or about the ethics, or even considering he isn't back in time, that it's a vision or something. nope. just immediate "well a moment ago I was meditating on the Negotiator thinking about how much I would change how I handled Mandalore, and now I'm here back on Mandalore, so like. I'm gonna go change how I handled Mandalore."
i'm still working out the timeline, but i need it to be around a month of Obi-Wan making his way to Keldabe, though maybe even more, to really get the pot stirring. i really liked @catamaranthenonnewtonianfluid's idea of Luminara just being the closest to Mandalore when Obi-Wan fully cuts ties with the Jedi, so i'll be going that route somewhat, me thinks. so the events in sequence (so far) are:
Obi time hops, shields all his Force bonds and starts gunning for Keldabe; Luminara senses something in the Force, and then their friend group notices him shielding far more expertly than he should be able to; Obi-Wan drops Satine off with Qui-Gon, and Qui starts chasing after him; Obi-Wan bounces around the sector/system, taking out Death Watch where he can, protecting those that he can, helping everyone that doesn't ping negatively in the Force; Mandalorians start taking notice, start tracking his progress, clans start standing down at least for the moment wondering what Obi-Wan's existence and actions are going to do to the wars; knowingly and unknowingly, the people and the Manda align to "pick" him as a sort of candidate for Mand'alor;
at between a month and two months, Obi-Wan arrives in Keldabe and steals all Pre Vizsla's info on Jango, using that and his future knowledge/research to track Jango down; leaves the Mandalore system, alerting Qui-Gon by virtue of their bond growing weaker; Luminara sneaks out, knowing something Big is happening; Obi takes about a week to reach Outland Transit Station, where he confronts and fails to convince Jango to return to Mandalore; by internally acknowledging himself as dar'manda, Jango breaks his connection to the Ka'ra, and the Ka'ra pick Obi-Wan instead; Obi-Wan realises he can't half-ass his support of Mandalore, and starts erasing himself from the Order's systems as he makes his way back to Mandalore; just before he lands back on planet, a week later, he deletes himself from the Jedi, breaks his training bond with Qui-Gon, and sends out his last few messages (including to Luminara, since I didn't have her in the last update); he doesn't break his friendship bonds or anything, but shields them even more, until the only reason they know he's alive is that their bond hasn't been snapped; the Order only thinks to look in their data systems when Qui-Gon calls them in a panic about his broken bond, and everyone who got an anonymous message (though obviously from Obi-Wan [obvious to anyone but Feemor lmao]) comes forward, and the Order can only decide to let Obi-Wan go. No one is particularly happy about this, but what else can they do? They tell Qui-Gon his mission to protect Satine hasn't stopped, but he has to stop chasing Obi-Wan, whatever he's doing for Mandalore is out of their hands now. except, of course, Luminara is still in their purview, so obviously need to send someone to go get her.
now Luminara. she's the only one who got a message who wasn't in the Temple at the time, and is also the only one connected to the Cosmic Force. she can't decipher the Will of the Force better than others precisely, at least not on a grand scale, but she knows something big is going down, even bigger than when Obi-Wan first changed. so maybe she and her friends were following what little information the Order had had about Obi-Wan's movements after dropping Satine off, both from what they're being told in order to be kept in the loop, but also what Quinlan has been sneaking around eavesdopping about
("M'just practicing my Shadow skills, Lumi! Master Tholme even told me to!"
"I don't think that he did."
"He didn't not tell me to!")
when they hear that Obi-Wan left the Mandalore system (on his way to find Jango), Luminara knows this is another turning point. something in the Cosmic Force roils, like a riptide, and she sneaks out of the Temple without her master. something big is happening with Obi-Wan, with Mandalore, and Luminara feels like she's the only one that sees that. she isn't exactly wrong, either, since Qui-Gon and the Order are focusing on immediate repercussions, on consequences of Obi-Wan's actions immediately around him, instead of their consequences on and in the Force, in how they're affecting the future. the Jedi are so focused on trying to figure out what changed that they're not looking at what's changing.
Luminara knows she won't get away with it for long, but Sifo-Dyas unexpectedly (or maybe not so unexpectedly) covers for her, and she indeed gets a good few days' headstart. her master is Temple-bound due to injuries, and the High Council would have wanted to send Shadows anyway, so they send Quinlan and Tholme because they know Quinlan will find a way to follow Luminara, and would have found a way to Mandalore even if she hadn't done so first.
so so so when Obi-Wan's final letters go out, Luminara is already en route, and is even more convinced of her decision, though she isn't letting herself think about what consequences this will have for her future in the Order. Quinlan is the one to tell her over comm message that Obi-Wan has deleted himself from the Order, that he's officially unaffiliated now. Luminara meditates on her own position in the Order, and still finds her path leading towards knighthood, so that's a relief; she won't fault Obi-Wan for his decision to leave, but she's very glad the Force agrees that's still where she, at least, belongs
so she's about a week ahead of Tholme and Quinlan, but still a good few weeks away from Mandalore, and spends much of that time strengthening and reaffirming her bond to Obi-Wan, though she suspects he's shielding it on his end as well, so won't be able to tell what she's doing. that, more than anything, convinces her that Obi-Wan is expecting to deal with all of whatever this is on his own, and she refuses to let him. she isn't quite sure how she's going to find him when she gets there, but she trusts the Force will provide
i haven't done this before, but i think i'm going to have a separate fic for other povs as they come up. for some reason that format really speaks to me for this story in particular. the main fic will all be Obi's pov, while the side stories will be chronological and limited scenes, and will be posted as they come up in the main fic, me thinks. so far i have plans for povs from Qui-Gon, Satine, Quinlan, Luminara, and Mace, though Satine will be maybe two scenes at the very beginning, and Qui's will be quite limited as well. and i know i've been very Jedi-focused the last few "updates" of this idea, but the actual story will be significantly more Obi-Wan and Mando-centric, especially Vhonte Tervho, Silas, Wad’e Tay’haai, Rav Bralor, and maybe Cort Davin. i want to explore some of the lesser-utilised Mandos, particularly the women; depending on how i end up handling the Ka'ra and Obi's connection to it, I might also be playing with Tarre Vizsla and other Mand'alor'e too
(have a hilarious tiny scene idea of someone, Silas maybe, asking Obi if he's a reincarnation of Tarre like. to his face and Obi is like
"Am I what."
and they're like "Are you Tarre Vizsla reincarnated"
"No??"
"Well how do you know?"
"Because kaysh ghost is standing in the corner right now laughing at me??” and it makes some doubters realise that like. oh. he’s a Mand’alor, actually blessed by the Ka'ra. but i haven't decided on the whole ghosts thing yet, so who knows if this'll end up in the actual fic)
SO on that note, more Vhonte:
Obi-Wan leaves the lil Old Guard summit like "I can't stand around waiting for them to make a decision, especially when I know it won't be in my favour", he slips out as quietly as he'd entered so most don't notice, and Vhonte is the only one to follow. she won't swear to him, not yet, but she falls in behind and next to him as he's walking away with purpose like "alright, where do you need me" and Obi-Wan pauses like mid-step because... what? but he senses her mandokar, senses her loyalty, even senses how loyal she had been to Jango (enough to answer his Call to Kamino, in the future), and, well, he's even better planning around two people than he is around just himself (too many years at Qui-Gon's side, and then Anakin at his). and he'd spent much of the time coming back from Outland Station adjusting his Mandalore Plans (capital P) from those he had made with Jango in mind, so he already has an idea of what to do first. he also knows, without asking, that Vhonte is offering only herself for this mission, that this a test for him, and he's alright with the knowledge that even if he somehow fails that test, it won't change much from how he'd thought he'd have to deal with things
this is where he really starts talking about Death Watch, about how weak they are without Tor Vizsla but are still the main backing to keeping Satine out of power while all the other clans are squabbling. Vhonte hesitates just for a moment, wondering if Obi-Wan is even in his right mind, if maybe he's blinded by the revenge he's swearing in the gold on his armour, a revenge against Death Watch, but even though she isn't Manda-touched, she trusts in the Manda, that it would not pick Obi-Wan if he truly was off his rocker, nor lead her to him so directly and insistently if she wasn't meant to follow him. She also clocks his casual use of Satine's name, and she starts to wonder if he comes from a New Mandalorian clan and that's why he says he's clanless, that he'd declared them dar'buir and struck out on his own.
and then he starts laying out his Plans (capital P) and Vhonte realises "oh. not only is he serious, he's good at this". she's a little concerned how experienced he seems with guerrilla tactics (just looked up the origin of the word guerrilla, so i absolutely think Mando'a would have an equivalent. akaan'ika? or akalenedat'ika? anyway) but she doesn't question him, not yet, curious to see how well his plans will actually work, especially in the long run.
so first, Obi-Wan takes her to his offensively-small ship that he stole at Outland Station and she's immediately like "absolutely not" and they go to hers instead, and he gives her the specifics of step one of his Plan, and she sort of feels at loose ends, because Obi-Wan really seems to have it covered without her input.
their first target? the ruins of Keldabe.
mandalore the young cont.
original post/discussion here! it was just getting really long and i for one hate scrolling so far, so. here's this. have also added this au to my masterlist in my pinned post!
@malcontent-crow
#i had a whole wall of tags and it didnt save! lets try this again#i am loving this. the potential for world building and the consequences of knowing more than you should (literally)
#i had forgotten that DW wasnt in peoples thoughts as a threat during the Clan Wars#and the idea that Pre was so far underground with the movement is a very good thing to remember as well! #on one hand you have this driven and spirited young verd that is inspiring Clans to start reassessing who they are fighting and why#on the other you have this clanless outsider that knows waaaaay too much about all the potential major players and is saying#that this major threat isnt really as gone as everybody thought and hoped. sith parallels out the wahoo for ppor obi#and hes standing there watching them all argue over his head about this threat that he KNOWS needs to be dealt with#he is seeing himself as pretty on par or above with the Old Guard in terms of mental age or prowess or large scale battles#so he sees them doubt him maybe even to his face and knows he'll need to get things started on his own
#and becauae everything in the galaxay has at least one person watching it from the outside... how quickly does the news of a jedi padawan#going off the rails on this mission get out? whos keeping track and who points fingers at the jedi for attempting to control the outcome#of the war of their historical enemies in their favor? the senate (read sith) want mandalore defanged before their war but what does it look#like the jedi want? how does the council answer for his actions? do they condemn or condone him? do they try to stay out of it?
#the world building potential of the Manda and the Ka'ra is delicious.#what does it mean to be a mando or darmanda? can you walk around and have people look at you and know you have failed in your oaths?
#and ouch! Obi-Wan considering the fact that he has never been allowed to be his own person.#from padawan to knight/master and then a general and councilor and sheesh. hes really never had the chance to see who he is as a person#outside of his responsibilities to everybody around him and right now hes a war worn adult in a war worn teens body#hes always had somebody else there. as a battle companion a teacher a student as somebody to protect and guard and guide#and now he has this entire culture looking at him and waiting for his next move. and im guess it still feels like less than a burden than#the care and raising of an entire child on his own. sure he had the temple resources and other jedi to lean on but anakin always looked to#him first to solve any problem or teach him something new or cuddle him after nightmares as hes trying to hide his own dreams#and grief and flounding to find his footing as an independent adult
#so right now hes looking around at the entire mando population and realizing thats he might need to reshape himself again for somebody else#to make himself what others need and knowing he can and will do it if it means saving somebody else
#and when exactly did he come back from the war? did he have satine die in his arms and see the ruin that is madalore after a pacifist reign?#does he see the potential for that ruin to happen right now if he doesnt succeed? where does he see himself in regards to the jedi?#has he considered the consequences of stepping up to be the Mand'alor to this culture he has never seen as his own?#has he let himself think about the choices he needs to make and how some things you cant always come out the other side the same as before?
(following the trend of each of these getting longer, this has hit just under 5,000 words, so just a heads up lol? so much world building is happening in this one)
sorry you had to rewrite so much! that last exchange was cursed, it seems lmao
it's so easy to write Obi-Wan as prescient, or the route I'm going with in Dha Kar'ta, so i think it's a fun change-up to have him knowledgeable for completely different reasons! I'm actually going to avoid visions almost at all for this Obi, but everyone else certainly won't know the difference, and he doesn't tell them otherwise (though he won't encourage it either. I do actually have a Naruto time travel where Nart pretends to be psychic à la Shawn Spencer, so that isn't the route I wanna go for this Obi). the consequences of knowing too much, indeed
hmmm many of these questions depend on how deep into Jedi and galactic politics I wanna go, and I'm not sure it's very deep at all. or at least, not very dragged out. i'll explain in a mo
SO first: yes, this Obi is from after Satine dies, in 19 BBY, maybe a month or so after, but before the bombing of the Temple so before Ahsoka left the Order. He was back on the front, no time to properly mourn, though he was doing his best, and was meditating on the whole war, but especially the Sith and their hand in everything that happened on Mandalore. It went deeper than Maul, he knew, had been going on longer than Maul and even Dooku, and it occurred to Obi-Wan that the Sith either wanted a Mandalore that will side with them but not be too much a threat, or they wanted them not a threat at all. He realised his hand in that, in helping put the New Mandalorians on the throne that led to the demilitarisation of the entire sector. Obi-Wan had practically teed Mandalore up for Dooku and then Maul's interference, and if the Republic won the war, he could all too easily see them doing another excision. won't get too much into it to save it for the fic, but he is mediating with something beskar, and he gets a lil too deep into the Force, and of course this is post-Mortis so...... 👀
so this Obi-Wan, back in time, is helping Mandalore to prevent any more Sith machinations in the future, to change the future for the whole galaxy, but even before he's Chosen, he realises he's also doing all of this for Mandalore. for his own hand in its destruction, for the Jedi's hand in the Excision, for his personal connection to Satine drawing Maul to it. it's for atonement, for reparation, and also because Mandalore deserves to be saved, and Obi-Wan is in a place he can help do that. it isn't just about the health of the galaxy, anymore.
I usually shy away from having Obi-Wan leave the Order, no matter what AU I'm throwing him in because I believe in the fundamental goodness of the Order and the people in it, and Obi-Wan is fundamentally a Jedi, one of the best, one of the best. however, in this case, I don't think he can have his cake and eat it too. if Dooku had to leave the Order to accept his countship, then Obi-Wan would have to leave to become Mand'alor. Jedi are (supposed to be) politically neutral, and Obi-Wan is all too aware he'd nullified his own neutrality the moment he decided to go for Keldabe to find Jango.
one of my favorite... tropes? in time travel fic is Obi using his future fellow councilmembers' access codes to get into things he shouldn't, and he certainly knows how to work the Order's internal systems in his favor, so he
wait so i was gonna have him go in and tender his resignation from the Order directly into the systems, and backdate it for before the Mandalore mission, so that anything he's done on Mandalore so far cannot be blamed on the Jedi BUT WHAT IF he just. deletes himself. like completely. from admin to the Archives to the crèche's own internal systems to the Shadow's private servers, Obi-Wan Kenobi was never a Jedi, was never a Temple bastard, was never Qui-Gon Jinn's padawan. his mission records are all in Qui-Gon's name now, his medical file simply doesn't exist, his crècheling clan is listed as simply having been a person short compared to other clans that year. he goes so far as to delete comm histories with him or mentioning him, it's like Obi-Wan Kenobi just doesn't exist anymore.
he does this first thing after leaving Jango, he spends the entire week back to Mandalore ensuring he's been completely erased from absolutely anything relating to the Jedi, and then uses his future councilmember knowledge (and lessons from Quinlan) to erase himself from Republic systems, too. any planet he'd helped as a padawan will suddenly have no records of him as having been there with his master, so the senate or Order can't subpoena them for the info, though Obi-Wan knows he can't have gotten everything (such as any planet not in the Republic, or who don't have holonet access to their files, or both, like Melida/Daan), but he figures he's done enough to absolve the Order if anyone comes knocking about what he's doing.
he buries his lightsaber in the deserts of Mandalore, not knowing that in his old future, he'd have done the same on Tatooine.
so as far as the Jedi are aware: Obi-Wan went on a mission with Qui-Gon that (predictably) went to hell, got separated from his master for weeks to months, then suddenly changed, at the same time their Jedi with the highest prescience collapsed due to his visions, which have also changed. Obi-Wan left Qui-Gon behind to hightail it through the Mandalore sector, and Qui-Gon couldn't catch up or find him, and then Obi-Wan disappeared from anyone's radars for two weeks. then Qui-Gon senses him reenter the Mandalore system, right before breaking his training bond with him, and the Order wakes up to Obi-Wan completely erased from their systems like he never existed in the first place. everything is going so so wrong, and yet. and yet.
and yet the Force is telling them all that this is right, that this is the least Dark course of action, that whatever Obi-Wan is doing is indeed the Will of the Force
so the Order mourns one of their own, and tells Qui-Gon to let him go. and then the Order ups their cyber security because what.
i think he leaves an unsigned letter/comm message for a few people. Bant, Quinlan, Mace, Feemor, his old crèchemaster, Yoda, maybe Jocasta Nu. it's short, basically thanking them for their hand in his upbringing (Feemor hasn't even met him before so is very confused by this), apologising for leaving abruptly, but to follow the Will of the Force, he had to leave; the first part of the message is all the same, but ends with little individual notes. he apologises to Madam Nu for fucking with her archives and hopes she can one day forgive him; he asks her to keep her friends close and to mend the tension between her and Dooku, that Obi-Wan should not know about. He tells Yoda that the future is always in motion but they must move with it; he asks Yoda to meditate on his dwindling lineages and learn to accept all that he cannot control. He reminds Quinlan to wear his gloves and asks him to thank Tholme for looking out for him when Qui-Gon wouldn't or didn't; he thanks him for their years together, and asks him to check in on Feemor every now and then. He apologises to Mace for all the shatter-points he likely caused and will continue to cause, and suggests he put a permanent reminder in his comm to remember to refill his migraine prescription that sixteen year-old Obi should not know about. He asks Bant to look out for a young Togruta initiate that will join in seven years, and suggests Bant might like the healer track rather than the knight corps; he thanks her for being his longest and most dearly-held friend. He thanks his crèchemaster for realising his visions were more than dreams (which will inadvertently lend credence to that theory for why Obi-Wan changed so suddenly), for supporting him when Bruck was at his nastiest, and for always being someone he could turn to even after he became a padawan. For Feemor, Obi-Wan apologises that they hadn't had the chance to meet before then, and for the relationship they won't have anymore; Feemor has no idea who this message is from, until he starts hearing the gossip that Obi-Wan Kenobi has left the Order again. He too mourns never getting to know his padawan brother.
and Obi-Wan sends Qui-Gon a message, of course, thanking him for his teachings, apologising for "leading him on" as an apprentice, leaving and coming back so many times only to permanently leave this time. he reminds Qui to reach out to his friends and his support system, asks him to at least consider talking to a mind or soul healer about Xanatos (knowing that once it gets out that Obi-Wan is a planetary leader, it will likely badly trigger Qui-Gon), and asks him to at least try and mend his relationship with Dooku, though understands if that's not something Qui-Gon is willing to do. asks him to keep Satine safe, but to deeply think about why the Republic is so intent on helping her faction, and why Qui-Gon had questioned so little of the New Mandalorian ethos.
so by the time Obi-Wan finds the Old Guard, he's broken from the Order completely, has buried his saber, has broken his training bond, has cut his braid. I think he shaves his head entirely to let it grow out at the same rate, because the padawan cut is *Eliot Spencer voice* Very Distinctive. he paints his armour white for, yes, his men, his vod'e, but also for cin vhetin. he can't be the man he was before, nor the teen he was before, neither are who Mandalore needs, and as long as he can stay true to his morals and upbringing, he will be what Mandalore needs him to be.
okay now onto the Manda vs. the Ka'ra vs. the Force. the Force is a scientific concept of an energy connecting absolutely everything in the universe, and the Jedi have a religious view on the scientific concept. for both purposes, the Force just is. I really like the idea of other non-Jedi ideas just being different aspects of the Force, different religions and cultures based on the same scientific concepts. for Mandalorians, their "aspect" of the Force is the Manda, the collective souls of every Mando'ade that's ever marched on. just what it means to be Mando'ade has varied greatly through history, and is varied between different groups even now, but none of that changes what the Manda is, which is an aspect of the Force only Mando'ade can touch. sort of like their beliefs of it being separate from the Force have made it so?
now I haven't really talked about this before, but from the beginning of me writing Mandalorian related things, i've separated Ka'ra from ka'ra, which was a little bit me misremembering there was another term for "stars", and then it became it's own thing. kar, meaning "star", with it's plural kar'e or kare, to me, means physical stars, the way we'd call our sun a star. ka'ra, uncapitalised, is the more poetic and/or spiritual "stars", the way we might say something is "written in the stars", which actually aligns with how jate'kara is spelled; for my writing, i've used this form for Mandalorian Force-sensitives being Star-touched ka'ra-touched. Ka'ra, capitalised, is that "ruling council of fallen kings", the Mandalorian myth and it, the way I've always interpreted it, is a separate part of the Manda made up of specifically the souls of every Mand'alor already marched on. So, Tor Vizsla could have joined the Manda after death, but not the Ka'ra; make sense? all that ka'ra vs Ka'ra worldbuilding was done very early in my writing for star wars, and has since expanded to include the idea of the Manda as something separate, and I would now actually consider Manda-touched over Star-touched to describe Force sensitive Mando'ade, because that's really what I think Mandalorians would consider causes their supernatural powers: ancestors rather than the stars.
so what does that mean for this fic? the Manda is directly influenced by all those that consider themselves Mandalorian, Force-sensitive or not. it is, however, not affected by New Mandalorians, unless they worship the Manda in some facsimile, and I think many, many, many do not, not the way they were raised to. this worship looks different for every clan and every individual, and I've always interpreted it as more of a broad spiritual practice across the whole culture rather than a religion, per se, the way a real-world broader culture might pray at shrines at New Years even if individuals themselves or their family aren't religious. this is what I'm referencing when I say the Will of the People: the alive Mando'ade and their choices and emotions affecting and influencing the Manda, the collective amalgamation of every passed-on Mando'ade, and it's when these two are in tandem that they "pick" a Mand'alor. HOWEVER, such a pick is also up to the Ka'ra, the Mand'alor'e that have all marched on; to one day enter the Ka'ra themselves, a Mand'alor must be "picked" by both the People/the Manda, and the Ka'ra. Tor would be "picked" by a significant part of the People and the Manda, and so would Jaster have been, but (according to me, myself, and i, obviously), only Jaster had been chosen by the Ka'ra. Pre is "Mand'alor" only in name, only in a tenuous loyalty existing in House Vizsla and Death Watch, not even by the Manda; just simple human (et al) loyalty. Jango had a weaker "pick" from the Manda than Jaster did, but was picked by the Ka'ra, meaning if he did not declare himself dar'manda (even just internally; I don't think he's ever said it out loud), he would have joined the Ka'ra after death; if he ever reconnects with himself as a Mandalorian, I like to think he'd have that chance again. Canon Jango, though, who went on to make the clones? Absolutely not.
what does this all mean for Obi-Wan? he'd spent weeks inadvertently drumming up support in the people and therefore the Manda, and maybe most haven't really looked at him and thought "sure I'd follow him as Mand'alor", but they have looked at him and thought "that one has mandokar, that one wants what's best for Mandalore, that one is touched by destiny". I dunno, man, like. Obi-Wan is their hope before he is their leader. That will make all the difference when he does end up uniting them. His searching out Jango had made Jango finally confront that he feels dar'manda, until then he hadn't really lost the Ka'ra's support, but that severs that connection. and now the Ka'ra are without a Mand'alor, but look at that, there's a mandokar'la little idiot right there, already strong in the Manda, already rallying hope and purpose, already so invested in the nurturing and the future of Mandalore, how could the Ka'ra not choose him?
I posed the question previously whether or not Mando'ade can tell who has been chosen to be Mand'alor, and I think I've ironed out what that'll mean for this fic. non-Force sensitive Mando'ade will have this sense when near their Mand'alor, a subconscious and inherent trust in them, and indeed, some will be disturbed by this and fight it. that's alright, that's their right. Some never clock this extra sense, some are aware of it always, some just chalk it up to "gut feelings" and the like. The more spiritual or religious Mandos maybe put a little more stock in this feelings, I think especially goran'e and other spiritual leaders, but the fact that the Manda can technically pick more than one person at a time (like Tor and Jaster, and then Jango), this extra sense isn't a perfect indicator of a properly chosen Manda'lor.
now. what about Force sensitive Mando'ade? Well, the Manda is an aspect of the Force, and is in fact how said Force sensitive Mando'ade connect to the Force, by going through the Manda, first. their relationship with sensitivity is inherently different from others in the galaxy, at least those that connect to it directly. they are the ones that can sense or see if someone is chosen by the Ka'ra, depending on their sensitivity. Some see the ghostly line of previous Mand'alor'e stretched out behind them (like the Avatar cycle lmao), some see a wavering crown of stars around their head, some just sense there is a duplicity (/neutral) to their Force presence that doesn't exist in anyone else. how common is Force sensitivity in Mandalorian space? not fuckin very. Jaster had three in his entire faction of aprox. 2 million (fanon number), at least that were aware they were sensitive. Jango only had a few more, and only because he had gained a couple hundred thousand more followers before Galidraan. so i'll make the nearly-arbitrary number that Force sensitive Mandos are 1 in 1,000,000, across the entire sector. by some calculations, in the whole galaxy at around the time of the Clone Wars the number of Force sensitives is 1 in 5,000,000 but these calculations do not generally include societies and species with a near or 100% chance of Force sensitivity, because we simply don't have the data for it. does this all make Mandos slightly more likely to be Force sensitive than others, by my own numbers? sorta. which i'm making an issue of underreporting, based on Mandalore not being a part of the Republic, and also contention with the Jedi and Sith; they don't consider those Manda-touched to be Force sensitive, and with the way I've built this, they aren't exactly wrong.
for the purposes of this story, there are maybe eight Manda-touched Mando'ade in the Mandalore system at this time, and all but one are goran'e. that single non-armorer is part of the Old Guard. I have the roster for the Old Guard decided, so I'm debating whether the Manda-touched one is Cort Davin (a journeyman protector), or one of the women. Instinct wants Vhonte Tervho, but I have plans for her to be related to the goran Obi-Wan got his armour done by, who I wanted to be one of the seven Force sensitive armorers, soooo. lmao how fucked would it be if Isabet Reau is the Force sensitive one? I like the angst of that, since I definitely do not plan on redeeming her, but I kind of want the only Old Guard that can sense Obi-Wan is Chosen by the Ka'ra to be really quiet and accepting of it, while everyone else is arguing. hmmm I have an unnamed Wren as part of the Guard, that I haven't fleshed anything out for yet; perhaps them?
okay I think I've solidified what it makes a Mandalorian, at least for the function of this fic. it is tied to the Resol'nare, and following it, which does allow those who had Chosen Tor Vizsla as their Mand'alor to technically still be following the Resol'nare, and are therefore not dar'manda. at least not for that. but part of the reason the Resol'nare is even able to determine who has a Mandalorian soul, is because they believe it does. Those alive and those dead influence the functionality and reality of the Manda, which also allows for those pre-Resol'nare to still exist in the Manda. What causes someone to become dar'manda, if they are technically following the Resol'nare?
maybe it's reductive, or over-simplified, or maybe even too broad, but it makes sense to me and allows for many many different types of people to still fail, and this is obviously not the only way to become dar'manda, but one thing that will always strip someone of their Mando soul? treatment of children. caring for children. not harming children. this allows many of Death Watch to still maintain their Mando souls, but still be fucked up awful people in other ways. It allows even True Mandalorians to have lost their souls and not realised it because they otherwise adhered to the Resol'nare, because they'd chosen to interpret "defending oneself and family" and "raising your children as Mandalorians" to not include other peoeple's children. Or maybe they were abusive in the belief they were caring for their children. This would also make every single one of the Cuy'val Dar dar'manda, which I think is a fascinating concept.
to answer your question directly, no, one cannot look at someone and know they're dar'manda, even the Force/Manda sensitive ones. one will only know in death, whether or not they have a place in the Manda.
NOW what does this mean for New Mandalorians?? well, by technicality and the way I've set the Manda up, one can interpret the Resol'nare in ways that could align with New Mandos. Perhaps they interpret "armour" as more than specifically "beskar'gam", maybe they wear armourweave or other protective fabrics. Maybe they interpret "defending one's family" as putting down arms instead of raising them, in order to create a peaceful future for their children. I think there are plenty of New Mandos that technically tick off all the boxes, and believe in themselves and their fellows so much that the Manda is like "yeah sure why not, we'll make that count". I think some tenants are more easily... bent, like swearing to the duchy in place of the Mand'alor, but I think an easy one New Mandos miss, is "speak Mando'a." I think many New Mandos were all too quick to switch to Basic for everything except religious and spiritual ceremonies, and I think those already in the Manda would find that very hard to forgive. I actually get into this a little in Dha Kar'ta very soon, but for this fic, i'll have Satine not outright outlawing Mando'a, but it is socially heavily discouraged. you're not allowed to speak it in the palace unless in aforementioned ceremonies, you cannot fill out paperwork in anything but Basic, you're not allowed to use Mando'a titles (including Mand'alor), you're not allowed to teach it to your children. no outright like. punishments for speaking it in public, but if your kids are caught, there are repercussions, including investigation into how else you're raising your kids, and if you're found to be doing anything else, they can take your kids from you. not every New Mando agrees with this, of course, and go about adhering to the Resol'nare as best they can in secret, but so many do give up the language by convincing themselves it's not as important as the other tenants and, well, the duchy hasn't steered them all wrong yet, has it?
okay so on the subject of what the outside galaxy is seeing. I like the headcanon/trope/idea of like. the one thing all factions of Mandalorians agreeing on is fuck everyone else. oh, the New Mandos will emulate the Core and the Republic, but they aren't the Republic nor want to be, and this animosity extends to keeping as many internal Mandlorian issues just that: internal. no faction can keep news from leaving the system or the sector, obviously, but there also isn't a lot of interest in Mandalorian news? "oh look all the Mandos are fighting again", except that's been the standard for like. actual thousands of years. I like when fic have people outside the sector not evening knowing there are different factions, so I'll be doing that here, too, and I like the idea of non-Republic sectors having their own holonets, separate from the Republic one. so like, if Obi-Wan happens to go a little viral during his mad dash to Keldabe, that would be on the Mandalorian holonet, not the Republic one, so even if Obi-Wan was visibly still a Jedi (and he wasn't), actual news of him wouldn't reach the Mid and Inner Rims until like. possible years after it happens.
could this maybe be expedited by Sith machinations? absolutely, though I'm not sure I want to go that route, since I don't think the Sith are overmuch interested in Mandalore at this point, at least not in any hands-on capacity. I'm unclear on whether them funding Death Watch is fanon or not, but it is a headcanon I subscribe to, and I think they'd have stopped funding DW after Galidraan, to cause worse infighting and prevent DW from gaining enough power to actually restart their imperial conquering days. Palpatine has been senator for about ten years by this point, but has very little political power overall, and Demask would be looking basically anywhere but Mandalore at this point in time, both of them having written it off until they actively need something from the sector. if anyone had clocked Obi-Wan as a Jedi, this all would have gone very differently, news would have spread much further and quicker and I think undoubtedly would have reached Palpatine, but since I have Obi-Wan just... cutting ties to anything Jedi, news of him remains in-sector. is this perhaps unrealistic? maybe, but I kind of want to focus on Mandalore and not worry about galactic-wide politics for once, lmao, actually very much like Obi-Wan is doing. however, he will clock a lack of Sith interference and thinks That's Very Weird.
haven't decided how he finds Palpatine out yet, but I think it'll have to do with his Manda senses being different than his Force ones, maybe the Ka'ra even gives him a few tips or gifts to sense Sith since they've allied and fought with them so much in the past. regardless, that'll be after he's become Mand'alor and united the clans.
now to actual plot progression! Obi-Wan meets up with the Old Guard, they don't know what to make of him other than "he's kriffing weird. and young. and creepy. and probably Manda-touched." whatever other verd is Manda-touched will see him blessed by the Ka'ra, which causes them to look inwards more closely and realise they trust Obi-Wan inexplicably, which means they're blessed by the Manda and the Will of the People, too. they wonder if Obi-Wan has noticed, if any of the other Old Guard have noticed. they are one of a few that notice Obi-Wan sneaking back out while everyone is arguing.
Vhonte Tervho is another. She's at this lil summit to represent clan Tervho, tho isn't the clan head, because her ba'vodu, a Manda-touched goran, had sensed she needed to be at the summit. said ba'vodu is of course the armorer who reforged Obi-Wan's armour (need to find a name for them hmm), who had told their clan they were to cease fighting until their new Mand'alor called on them. Vhonte sees Obi-Wan, realises at the same time as everyone that he's the Kih'Manda, the Mand'ika that the entire system had been gossiping about for weeks, and she thinks of what her ba'vodu said. she looks inwards, like they had taught her to, and finds, yes, she trusts Obi-Wan, just like she used to trust Jango. And, well, her Mand'alor is obviously leaving to go do something, and she isn't going to let him go it alone.
the Manda-touched verd doesn't go with them, wanting to see what comes of this, but they already know Obi-wan is Ka'ra Chosen. they will come when he calls.
#had to consult the Sib about some plans and i'm still not confident in them but i now stand by Obi not going right for Pre even firmer#he'll lose any surprise he has but the ACT of disrupting DW is even more important than taking out the head#specifically in an effort to unite the clans against a common enemy#ANYWAY here's a shoutout for ghost whisperer by stephaniestephanie on ao3 for their idea of the Undying as a fifth facet of the Force#which i LOVE and want to play with but just not in this fic#prequel trilogy#time travel au#obi wan kenobi#vhonte tervho#luminara unduli#quinlan vos#have been thinking about ''obi is the meat filled pumpkin they needed'' nonstop#this is HEAVILY pro jedi just in case there's any confusion#but also have you ever met a bunch of academics with differing opinions about the same subjects?? fuckin nightmares the lot of them#jedi order#world building#meta#ish#need to stop finishing these responses between 1am and 4am#because i have no self control and will post them immediately#ANYWAY#thank y'all for all the love on this i'm havin a blast#anyone can ask questions or offer ideas!#catamaranthenonnewtonianfluid
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Die with a smile - ln4
lando gets kicked off his spotify, but he’s happy about it.
warnings - just fluff bc i was bored !!
Lando was sitting in the lounge of the MTC, mindlessly scrolling on his phone. He had an early morning meeting with Zac and Andrea, resulting in him having to leave you home asleep in your warm bed.
He had his headphones on, opting to listen to music while he waited. watching the sun start to peak over the horizon, making its way into the sky.
Suddenly his music stopped.
He furrowed his brows checking his phone, thinking he accidentally paused it. He's even more confused to see that the device connected to his spotify account had been changed.
His music was now playing through…. an alexa…
Your alexa.
the alexa back home in your shared apartment.
Suddenly it clicks in his mind.
You were playing music at home, through the alexa while you were getting ready, completely unaware that you’ve interrupted his music.
He chuckled to himself as he watched the songs play through, becoming a spectator on his own spotify that he's been momentarily kicked off while he assumes you get ready for the brunch you mentioned to him the evening prior.
He decides to wait until you’re done with the alexa to play his music again. Not wanting to disturb your morning concert. Images of you dancing around the apartment while rushing your daily routine play through his mind.
He opens a note in his phone, jotting down all the songs you play, wanting to make them into playlists to play for you, specifically in the car.
The next song you play causes him to smile down at his phone like a lovestruck idiot.
“Die with a smile - Bruno Mars & Lady Gaga”
He imagines you singing your heart out to what's been your new favorite song recently (he's heard you talk about how good it is for days now, how you're certain it's going to win song of the year at the grammys next year.) He feels (semi) bad for the sweet elderly couple who lives next door to you two. Hoping the sound of your voice at 8am wasn't the worst alarm clock in the world.
In his humble opinion, he’d choose your voice over an alarm clock any day. to him you have the voice of an angel and adored hearing you sing your heart out like you were the next best contestant on The Voice.
When the song ended he waited a minute to make sure another wasn't queued. When no song began to play, he made sure to change the output device back to his headphones, returning back to his series of songs.
opening your messages, he sends you a quick text
morning pretty girl! hope you slept well and enjoy your brunch with the girls, i’ll see you when i get home.. i love you!!
he quickly hit sent and shoves his phone into his pocket perfectly timing Zac’s entrance into the room. standing up he follows Zac into the conference room, putting his headphones back into their respective case. excited to see what songs you choose to listen to tomorrow.
——
a/n - lmao i wrote this in like 10 mins but i saw it on tiktok and i was like “awwwh lets make this lando”
#formula 1#lando norris fanfic#lando x reader#ln4#f1 fanfic#f1 x reader#lando fluff#lando norris#lando norris fic#lando norris fluff
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Best friend!Remus with no boundaries leaves you alone with James
⋆ ˚。 ⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚。 ⋆
It was another sunny afternoon spent studying in Remus’ dorm. You sat on his bed reading your Herbology textbook as Remus worked at his desk, finishing his Potions assignment. James was sprawled in the sunshine working on his Charms homework next to the open window.
“Y/N, can you pass me my vile of asphodel,” Remus said over his book, pointing to his potions trunk next to the bed. You hummed and leaned over the side of the bed, trifling through the case of potions ingredients.
“Erm, I think you’re out,” you replied, holding up the empty vile next to your face. Remus frowned and came over to the bed. He took a seat on the edge and took the vile from you. You crawled closer to him, resting your head in his lap as he flicked the vile. He sighed and ran his hand down your arm.
“I’m gonna have to go to the storage and get some ingredients,” Remus drawled, stroking your shoulder and neck with his long fingers. You hummed and closed your eyes, enjoying the feeling of your bestfriend’s hands on your body.
“While you’re at it, can you get some snacks from the kitchen? I can’t focus when I’m hungry,” you looked up at him through your lashes with a pout. He only chuckled at you and squeezed your cheek.
“Of course,” he grinned, scooting out from under you. You sighed as you rolled back on your stomach to read. Remus tsked and pulled your cotton shorts over your bum.
“You need to get a new pair of shorts, Y/N. I think you’ve outgrown those,” Remus said as he walked towards the door. You heard James chuckle out a breath from his bed. You stuck your tongue out at Remus as you sat up to pull your shorts down. Remus chuckled and left the dorm, shutting the door behind him. You huffed and fell back onto the bed. James laughed and shut his book.
"Remus' sure has a lot of opinions on your outfits," James teased, sitting up to stretch. You guys had been studying for a while.
"You know how he is. I don't see why my shorts being short is an issue though," you pouted, standing up and stretching over arms your head.
"Well, I think they look lovely, Y/N." James smiled at you. He was just the sweetest.
"Awww, thanks Jamie. You're always so kind," you gushed and sprang towards him for a hug. Even sitting on his bed he was nearly your height, but he had always seemed like a big teddy bear to you. James chuckled and he wrapped his arms around you.
"I'm just telling the truth. Just because Remus is your bestfriend doesn't mean his opinions are right," James joked. Your smile grew as you pulled back.
"You're so right, Jamie. Maybe I should start to listen to you more," you beamed, liking the idea of spending more time with James. He was right. You were always hanging around Remus so much, you had neglected what a good friend James was.
"I like the sound of that," James half grinned, his hands falling down to your waist. You blushed and smiled back. You'd never really been physically close with any of the other boys before, your friendship just wasn't like that. But why couldn't it be? James was nice to hug anyway.
"Can we take a break from studying?" You asked, playing with James' soft curls on the back of his neck. James hands stroked your hips as you stood between his legs.
"Isn't that what we're doing right now?" James laughed, still smiling at you. Gods, his eyes were so pretty. You couldn't focus on anything but his hands on your hips and his lips curved into that pretty smile.
"Well," you breathed, "What do you want to do?" You leaned in closer to him. James swallowed and let out another chuckle. You were starting to realize why you weren't so touchy with other friends.
"I can think of one thing," James charmed, pulling you by the hips towards him. Your lips landed on his, soft and warm as his tongue began to ask for permission. You let out a sigh and relaxed into his body, his hand coming up to your face to deepen the kiss. Another sigh escaped your lips as you moved to straddle his lap. He groaned as his hands found your hips once more, pushing you down onto him. You groaned when you felt him underneath you, rubbing up against your shorts. He was a good kisser too, biting gently on your lip as his hands made their way under your bum. If this was the result of wearing tiny shorts, you were going to wear them more often. Your thoughts escaped you as James' hands guided your hips over his, the rhythm matching the movements of his mouth. He was making your come undone with all of your clothes still on. You couldn't even imagine how good he'd feel with his clothes off. He groaned as he pushed you down over his length, his thumbs squeezing the front of your hips. You felt yourself starting to reach your edge as your hips began to take movements of their own. His tongue deepened the kiss while you moaned into his mouth. It felt like he knew every inch of your body already. Everything he was doing was sending you. Your sounds filled the room as his lips left yours to kiss under your jaw. His strong arms were wrapped around your middle as he teased down your neck. Your body was suddenly missing the friction, but James' arms were holding you still.
"James," you whined, squirming his arms. He chuckled into your neck.
"Just be patient, my love," he breathed, going back to nipping at your ear.
"We don't have time to be patient right now," you groaned, desperately needing to feel him. James hummed and gave your neck a soft kiss.
"You're right, we don't have time right now," James guided your head to look at him.
"But-"
"But I'll see you tonight?" He asked, a grin still plastered on his lips. You bit your lip as you smiled.
"Yes, I'll see you tonight." You blushed, giggling as you pulled yourself off of James. Maybe you'd gotten a bit carried away with your study break. James chuckled as he reached to pull your shorts down over your bum once again.
"Maybe Remus was right about these shorts," he smirked, thumbing the hem. You giggled as you heard the door open. Remus came into the room with an armful of viles. You and James let out a laugh. Good timing.
"Maybe," you winked at James and walked back over to Remus' bed. "Hi Rem. Did you bring snacks?" You plopped down onto his bed. Remus walked over and placed a tray in front you filled with sandwiches and crisps.
"Save me some," Remus nodded as he began to organize his potions supply on his desk.
"Do you want some Jamie?" you asked politely, turning to see James blush at you. His grin hadn't left his face. Remus' head perked at the nickname, but was too focused on finishing his assignment.
"I'm okay, Y/N. I'm actually gonna go run some quidditch drills. It's so nice out," James said casually, getting up to grab his quidditch bag.
"More for me," you shrugged and began to eat one of the halves. You watched James get his shoes on. His fingers looked so strong...
"Well, I'm out of here. Remus," James waved at Remus who responded with a nod. He turned to you, "See you later, Y/N." With a smile he ducked out of the room. You chuckled as you ate your sandwich, reaching for the book next to Remus' bed.
"Y/N," Remus sighed as he scribbled something onto his scroll, "why did James just say that?" You felt a smile tug at your lips.
"What? I can't hang out with James?" you chimed, flipping to your chapter in the book. Remus shook his head and tsked, continuing to work on his paper.
"It's those fucking shorts." You let out a snort.
#lol sorry couldn't choose james or remus#remus x reader#james x reader#marauder headcanons#remus lupin x you#remus x you#remus lupin headcanon#james x y/n#james x you#james x fem!reader#remus x y/n#hp marauders#marauders era#remus headcanon#james potter headcanon#james potter hc#remus lupin hc#remus lupin x reader#james potter x reader#marauders x reader#mallowsweetmiri#meep
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RIGHT WHERE YOU LEFT ME
➛ 01. IN DREAMS WE REST
a/n: i've been stressed about this fic probably more than any other i've ever written. not because it's logan per se, but because wade wilson makes me want to rip my hair out. i love that bastard, but writing him feels like pulling teeth. i'm in love with this concept solely for the angst, so if you see more throughout and wonder if they will ever get a happy ending, please know i'm dead inside. enjoy!
summary: stuck in another universe and unsure of where he stands, logan expects things to even out as they always did. but when you cross his path and you have no idea who he is, he's in for a rude awakening.
word count: 5.9k+
pairing: logan howlett x f!reader
warnings: not explicit, wade wilson breaking the fourth wall, angst, cussing so much cussing, alcohol consumption, grief, pain, a broken man pretending he's not broken, chance encounters, awkward conversations, hope.
NEXT CHAPTER | SERIES MASTERLIST
He can hear it when he sleeps.
Their screams.
The constant ring of agony that chimes out like a bell, an alarm he never set for himself. A joke once told to him in the midst of World War II, as bullets flew by him and soldiers lost their lives each second of each day. There's no escape from hell. No running from the devil that nipped at his heels the faster he went, the longer he tried to navigate a way free.
There's no escape from the memories that ate away in his mind. Multitudes of them, of the faces he once called family, the people he used to love. They were his punishment. The boulder he continued to roll up the hill, day after day after day. Until eventually...he was crushed by his own self-hatred.
"Logan." The voice whispered long enough for him to grasp who it might be, yet never louder than a mere breath of air.
He clung to it some days. Sunk his claws into what little of his past remained good and allowed it to fill him with some amount of peace. At least then he'd be able to bear this weight, this grief he could never quite name.
Something light brushed across his cheek. Tickling the skin enough to send a flare of irritation down his spine, but the dreams held him in their grasp. What came next never surprised him. He expected it at this point—longed for it. The distant pain of losing what once made him whole; the entirety of his life now defined by one single moment he could never change.
"He sleeps so sweetly. I just want to curl up in his arms and have him read me bedtime stories."
"He's not gonna like that when he wakes up."
"Zip it Al. If I wanted an opinion, I'd go see a Hollywood therapist."
A scoff echoed in the background. "No therapist wants you on their couch."
"Not true. I hear Ryan Reynolds has a great one."
"Who?"
"Not the point." The feather dusted across Logan's face again, soft enough to keep him asleep yet annoying enough to bring a smile to Wade's face. "I wonder if he's dreaming about killing bad guys. They say it's good for the soul."
"Who the fuck is they?"
Wade laughed. "Oh you know. Them. The readers. And boy howdy do they love their blood."
Every day he was forced to listen to Wade's voice became another day Logan dragged his claw through a tally mark of his sanity. "Do you ever shut the fuck up," he growled, gripping Wade's wrist until he heard the satisfying crack of bones.
"Only when I swallow."
"I'll tear your fuckin' arm off."
The smile on Wade’s face only added another tally. "Nice kitty. No need for the claws."
Anger washed across his skin in a familiar wave as he released Wade's arm, watching it go limp. Trying to kill the unkillable walking irritation was like trying to swat a fly that never quite died. It still buzzed incessantly. Until eventually madness was the only viable option of dealing with it. In his case, he seemed to be driving head on with no brakes.
Logan wasn't sure he possessed enough sanity left within him to keep dealing with this. Sleeping on the couch didn't help the way his body never rested; always stuck in that permanent fighting mode. He'd give anything to find some peace. A small sliver of it carved off the past that continued to call him—that begged him to come back and try again.
Swinging his legs off the couch, he planted a swift kick to Wade's chest that sent him across the floor. The lack of caffeine in his system left everything hazy and half coherent. If he focused he might have caught the keys thrown at him, but being exhausted and sober didn't make for a good combination with him. An empty whiskey bottle lay discarded on the floor from last night; the memories of how he passed out barely tinged on the edge of his mind.
He could recall stabbing Wade in the leg.
Nothing beyond that.
Dried blood—now an ugly brown—stained his white shirt. He nearly stripped himself of it, prepared to throw it in with whoever was washing next, but his flannel being chucked at his head caught him off guard.
"Fuck off," he snapped, stumbling to the kitchen.
Wade sighed, following him. "Get dressed, peanut. We have to go do human things today."
"Human–”
"Food," Al retorted. "We're out."
Even in a new universe, he couldn't see himself acting normal. For so long he did what had to in order to survive. Yet now...he wasn't so sure. Accompanying Wade Wilson in order to complete household chores left a bad taste in his mouth. But the thought of fresh coffee and an unopened bottle of whiskey sounded like sweet silver bells in his head.
With reluctance, he buttoned up half of the flannel before he became annoyed with the small size of the holes punched into the fabric. There was only so much he could do with the life he had now. And sometimes shit really sucked.
"Don't scratch my fucking car," Al pointed her words towards Wade, thankfully ignoring Logan's existence for a brief moment.
"Is it safe for her to own a car?"
The door shut behind him with a bang, echoing down the vacant hallway. He was surprised people actually lived here given Wade's antics. They could hear the loud mouthed fucker across the street—if the angry notes in the mail were anything to go by. He didn't bother asking if he should be concerned with any of it. Not when he had no say in how the house was run. And choosing to insert himself where he wasn’t needed, rarely went well for him.
"God no. But I give her the benefit of the doubt. She hasn't killed anyone. Yet."
He yanked the keys out of Wade's hand. "Yeah well I don't trust you either Bub."
The car didn't leave room for his legs as he squeezed into the driver's side. His body practically folded in half as he turned it over—the rumble of the engine rattling against metal. How Blind Al managed to pay for this vehicle went beyond even Wade's knowledge, and in all honesty…he was too fucking scared to ask.
Too much seemed to be happening for him to ever catch up. While this Earth felt similar to his, small things were different. And when they began to add up...he began to wonder if he was drowning.
"Turn left to merge onto the asscrack of traffic."
He barely heard the directions as he drove, his mind drifting the further they went. Part of him sensed the grief from earlier begin to claw up the back of his throat. It begged him to fall, to be swallowed whole by the darkness he'd been stuck in before. And he nearly gave in; could feel his body shift into its constant mode of fight or flight.
The steering wheel cracked under his white knuckled grip as Wade's voice became an afterthought to the war he fought in his mind. Terror trapped itself in his throat and he slammed his foot on the brakes a foot away from a parking spot in retaliation. The car lurched forward, his claws descended. A snarl rumbled in his chest the longer he sat there thinking.
"Woah..." For the first time in days, Wade fell silent. "You alright?"
Logan ripped himself free, shoving his body out of the car before he even threw it in park. He gulped in breath after breath and did his best to wait for this fucking feeling to leave his system. The nightmares only came as he slept. A constant familiar horror show after two centuries.
Yet now he was left like this. Leaned up against a car, his eyes closed shut, and heart racing.
All because he couldn't do his fucking job.
"Logan–"
He snapped, shoving past Wade and his pity that choked him with a vengeance. He didn't deserve anyone's pity. He didn't want it. But people couldn't help but hand it over unconsciously. As if they could see the layers of broken pieces beneath his false expression of strength. Logan never pretended to be okay. Why bother with something people could see right through?
He merely wanted others to ignore he was there. Walk past him, look through him, do whatever it took to pretend that him and all his tragedies weren't standing before them. Because one day he would die and fuck how he couldn't wait for that time to come.
A small hole in the wall dive bar sat in the corner of the shopping center. He barely caught sight of it. But the unmistakable scent of alcohol poured out the door as someone stumbled out—their eyes squeezed shut against the harsh brightness of the sun. He could understand them in a way.
His world didn't have sunlight this bright. Or perhaps he never noticed it ‘til now.
Maybe his body wasn't acclimated yet; unsure of what the fuck was still happening. Everything seemed to be turned up to eleven for him, yet no off switch existed.
The dark hazy glow of the interior sent a wave of calm through him as the door swung shut with a soft thud. Four people sat scattered around the place and a bartender with white and graying hair stood cleaning a glass so foggy it was probably better to throw it out. He found himself letting out a breath that'd been trapped in his chest since that morning. Finally some peace before he had to listen to Wade yap about bullshit he didn't in fact give a shit about.
"What'll you have?" the old man asked, his face screwing up in a wince as he limped towards Logan's spot at the end of the bar.
A quick glance down let him see the brace wrapped around the man's knee. "Whiskey on the rocks."
He nodded, slowly heading towards the center of the wall—a lonesome half empty bottle of Jack Daniels on the counter. Logan shifted, taking the center seat directly behind the man.
"I can't say I've seen you around before son."
He grinned, his finger tracing a random carving that'd been placed in the wood. "I just moved here. Living with a coworker."
"Coworker huh?"
The word didn't sound right to Logan, but he couldn't exactly call Wade his friend. Although they were more than people who fought together, more than men who shared blood during the same battle. That was the thing about Logan though. He'd never be able to put a label on something like that. To him...things weren't one or the other as much as he wanted to pretend they were. There was nuance to his life.
Complications which made living that much harder.
The man turned, surprised to see Logan so close, but didn't make note of it. Logan could see the gratitude in the way his drink was slid carefully to him. The small silent thank you in the bowl of pretzels placed beside it.
"You look lost."
Logan grunted, biting into the salty and dry snack. "Do I?"
"More than some of the others that come around here."
"And who comes around here?"
The man laughed. "No one as of late. You're the first young man I've seen in a while walk through those doors."
He bit back his laugh at the word young. The stories he could tell would leave the man baffled. About wars that no living person had witnessed. About when the world was far different than today—when mutants were freaks of nature and humans were far less forgiving. He could list it all and then some.
But whether or not someone would listen was another thing entirely.
"This place that old?" he inquired, sipping on the amber liquid with a contented sigh.
"Oh you bet." A weary laugh filled the space. "I bought this place in the sixties. When my wife was still my girlfriend. She almost left me because of it."
Logan huffed, his lips curling slightly. "She wasn't a fan?"
The man shook his head, tossing a cloth over his shoulder. "Still isn't. Well she...wasn't." He pressed his thumb to the worn gold band on his left hand. "When she was alive she used to host a book night. Helped bring in the men's wives. Kept them outta trouble."
"Book night huh?"
"She loved to read."
Before he could down the final sips of his drink it was topped off. Logan nodded his head in thanks, his thumb digging into the thumbprint shape of the glass. If he thought about it hard enough, he could almost see himself coming here every night. He pictured a life far different than his own, a past where he might have been happy. With someone who might have even made him smile.
"I'm not much of a reader," he replied, his voice hoarse and eyes fixed on the ice that floated to the surface.
"Ah me too," the man laughed. "I just liked seeing her smile."
A soft remark was on the tip of his tongue before an entirely new image began to take shape. The face of someone lost. Of a smile he'd known better than his own. Hands that once held his face with the tenderness of a lover—a voice that sent the hair rising on the back of his neck. He could see it as clear as he did the man.
You in all your beauty. Lost to a past he could no longer rectify.
He swallowed thickly, beating back every emotion that crawled under his skin. "What's your name?"
"Travis."
Raising his glass, he tipped it towards the man with a tight grin. "Logan." The alcohol went down with a quick and biting burn. A feeling he'd grown familiar with. One he counted on.
"Nice to meet you Logan."
"Yeah you too."
He dug out some cash and tossed it on the bar as he stood with a slight grunt. He may heal quickly but the ache in his bones still existed. As if something resisted against how his body moved with each slow shift.
Fighting meant he could ignore it.
Existing is what made it worse.
The sun practically burned his eyes when he stepped out, the heat of the day encompassing his whole body quicker than he would have liked. For some unknown fucking reason, summer here felt worse than on his Earth. Then again the alcohol didn't help. He stood in the shade of the building next to the bar, searching the parking lot for any sign of Wade.
Going into the store wasn't an option and as much as he wanted to leave the annoyance behind, he didn't want to feel like a piece of shit. That is...even more than he already did.
"Fuck," he hissed, leaning against the brick wall. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."
One option would be taking a walk to work off the energy that ran through his veins. At least then he'd be able to sleep at night. And the temptation almost worked. If it weren't for the shop doors that opened to his left, effectively distracting him from the chance of leaving. He could have ignored the person, probably should have given everything he'd been through.
But then his heart dropped to his stomach as you walked out. He'd never seen you in such a soft sundress before, the off white fabric draped off your curves in a way that floored him. As if you were an angel floating by without a care in the world. You were busy shoving a small piece of paper in your purse, your face furrowed in frustration, and Logan smiled. Because he'd traced each line of that face before, he'd kissed those cheeks, your eyelids as you slept.
He'd loved you in ways that would scare a normal human.
And there you were.
"Honey?" he called, unconsciously following you quicker than he intended to. "Honey."
You glanced to the side, completely unaware of the giant lumbering man trailing after you with a soft look on his face and hope in his hands.
That alone tore him in two more than the memories from before.
"Baby, it's me."
The breeze finally went through the air, pushing the skirt of your dress a bit higher on your thighs. Except that's not what he latched onto. Your scent was different. Unlike any he'd encountered before. Honey still sweetly caressed his senses, but flowers overlayed that—peonies if he guessed. Delicious enough to have his mouth watering; his body already aching for you to be closer. To look at him in the way you used to.
He wanted to call out to you—gain your attention properly—but your name wouldn't leave his tongue. Because you were there and you finally caught sight of him and you were looking at him as if nothing bad ever happened between the two of you.
You saw him as a man.
Not a disappointment.
He willed himself to stop and breathe. Take in his surroundings; realize that you weren't who he once knew. You weren't even the same fucking person.
But before he could think straight, he'd already followed you halfway to your car. His eyes were dazed, heart nearly throttling him alive as he stood there dumbly. Waiting for you to finally speak.
"Oh..." Your heart rate spiked quicker than he expected. He couldn't find it in himself to feel bad though. "Hello?"
"Honey," he sighed, the weight on his shoulders lifting ever so slightly.
He caught the way your fingers tightened around your keys, the defense mechanism an instinct by now. And Logan realized what he looked like. A strange man standing too close for your liking. So he took a step back and gave you some space. In the hopes that you wouldn't see him as a threat. That maybe...you'd listen to what he had to say.
"Can I help you?" you asked, eyes darting around the parking lot in case you needed help.
What he wouldn't give for the opportunity to reassure you. To explain that he wasn't here to hurt you. That he'd kill himself before even laying a hand on you. Yet the correct words were lost and all he seemed to get out was an incoherent babble that had him wanting to dig his own claws into his chest.
"You smell different."
You straightened your spine, eyes narrowed into a glare he felt burn across his skin. "Look, I don't know who you are. But fuck off."
Something akin to pride flared in his chest at your tone, your words. But he couldn't show it externally. How would he explain that your fight—your fire—is what drew him to you in the first place? How could he tell you about a version of yourself you'd never know? A person he thought would be with him until his last breath exhaled into the world.
"I'm not here to hurt you." He raised his hands in an attempt to prove his point, but like your variant counterpart you were willing to bite first and ask questions later.
"Yeah. Sure asshole." The shopping bag in your other hand was lifted up, until you had a tighter grip on it in case something happened. You didn't know him. You probably never would.
But Logan had to try. He owed it to you to give it all he had this time around.
Otherwise...what was the point of living?
"My name's–" He made the wrong move stepping forward and knew it the second his boot hit the gravel. With a wince, he watched you stumble back against your car, your arm coming up to protect yourself. "No. Look I'm not gonna do anything–"
"Get the fuck away from me," you spit.
He moved back as if approaching a wounded animal—his body finally on edge in a new way. The fact that you didn't know him wasn't what broke off another chunk of his heart. He could handle that. He'd been through that.
You were afraid of him.
That realization dug in too deep for his body to heal.
That...he couldn't live with.
"WOAH hey!" He'd never appreciated Wade's irritating ass more than in this moment. He jumped between the two of you, the cart of groceries forgotten as he blocked Logan from your sight. "Step away from the nice lady wolf boy." Wade regarded you with a smile. "Hi! Sorry. This is my uncle and well as you can probably tell he's lost eight of his lives. So we're going on little old nine. And well the mind just goes to shit first."
Seconds passed by like minutes and Logan watched you visibly deflate. "Wade," you greeted him, visibly calmer than before. Logan felt his stomach twist violently at the thought. "It's good to see you. How's the job?"
"Oh yup you know. Left that. But I'm really pushing through. I've got an Etsy store where I sell miniature paintings of Michael Angelo's David's penis. So there's that."
Your laughter sent a hole through his chest and Logan bit back the growl that rose up the back of his throat. What the fuck was Wade doing making friends with you? Why were you laughing at his humor?
He couldn't count how many days he'd spent longing to hear your laugh again, the shine in your eyes that always came around when joy flooded your bloodstream. He could smell the honey off your skin, the warmth of what no doubt lay beneath your thin dress. And he wanted to rip Wade to pieces knowing that he was the one making it happen. That you were comfortable with a man who's mouth ran at a mile a minute.
"Did your sister have the baby yet?"
You brightened and Logan felt his heart stutter. "She did! A boy."
"Named Wade I hope."
Another peal of laughter had Logan's claws itching to descend as you ignored he was there. "Theo actually. A cutie."
"Aww." Wade moved closer, head bent to see the small polaroid you pulled out of your wallet. "Wow, he looks like you'd find him in a Gerber's advertisement."
Your eyes drifted up, past Wade's shoulder, until you finally caught Logan's gaze. And he felt like he could breathe. Every ounce of fear was wiped from your face; interest now creeping in as you dragged your eyes down his form. Past the slight peek of chest hair and down to how his jeans hugged his hips. Logan stood taller for your benefit, as if he needed to make a good impression.
He wanted to linger in your mind for days. Until the curiosity ate you alive.
"We're gonna go," Wade announced, after grabbing your bag and placing it in your trunk for you. "Someone has to feed the blind woman in my apartment. She tends to root through everything looking for food." He gripped Logan's arm, shoving him back a good few feet. Even as your eyes still remained glued to his face. "Glad to see the Hyundai is still working. You know you could take the fattest fucking nap in the back of that puppy. Makes you feel like an Egyptian mummy."
"Bye," you said, a dazed look in your eyes as Logan smiled in your direction. At ease with the knowledge that even in a different universe, he could still fluster you with a look.
Dragging himself away from you was hell, but Wade's grip remained unbreakable as they clambered to the car. The groceries stacked in the small backseat.
He could glimpse you driving off and suddenly the nightmare from earlier was the last thing on his mind.
Wade's back hit the wall with a crack before the door could shut properly. The groceries in their hands toppled to the floor. He barely had time to duck before Logan's claws were aiming for his head—a snarl ripping from his throat.
"What the fuck?" Wade shouted, grabbing the paper bag and gently setting it on the table. "Next time just say you need to stay home and find some joy in an empty room and your hand."
"How do you know her?"
Wade smiled, assessing the furious state of chaos Logan was now left in. The tatters of his stability falling to the floor around him. For as much as he held himself together, it certainly remained easy enough to tear him a part.
"Got an eye on someone, do we honey badger?"
Logan grimaced, running a hand down his face. "Would you just fucking tell me?"
"Let me bask in this Logan. I'm about to watch a romcom come to life and need some popcorn." He rummaged through the bag, yanking out some chips. "Salty and sweet. That'll do."
"Wade," he bit out.
"Stick with us girls, we're about to get to the good stuff."
"WADE!"
He tossed the bag to the table, eyeing the way Logan never quite settled. "I'm gonna take a guess and say we know her more than just friendly hellos."
Logan couldn't answer because his grief did it for him. He did what he could to catch his breath, to stop seeing his version of you. The disappointment on your face, the pain in your voice. You'd been so angry with him. To watch the person he loved be reduced to a screaming crying mess wasn't something he wanted to relive, but Wade's question seemed to send an avalanche toppling to the ground.
"She's..." He sucked in a breath. "On my world. I...knew her."
"Knew her? Or knew her."
He reached for the bottle of whiskey Wade threw in with the rest of the groceries and popped it open before he spoke again. "It didn't end well between us. None of it did."
Wade fell silent and Logan found himself loathing the quiet more than the sound of his voice. If he was joking Logan could ignore it. He could pretend nothing happened. That you weren't here, you couldn't be hurt by him again.
You were safe from his destructive tendencies as long as you were in another universe.
"She lives across the street." Logan's head rose and whipped to see the window that faced the building across from them. "The old uncultured shit whistles that keep complaining about WHAM! the greatest thing to happen to music. They're her neighbors. Live right next door."
"Neighbors."
Wade nodded, offering him a chip. "She found their note and angel that she is, she very sweetly threatened to get them evicted. I offered to let her borrow my katanas but was rejected like younger me on prom night. You've really got yourself a catch there buddy."
Logan didn't need Wade to tell him how fucking lucky he was. He knew that the second you walked out of that store. You were everything good in his life at one point, everything he couldn't save. There wasn't much keeping him going on his old Earth, but having you made all the suffering he went through—all the pain he endured—worth it.
If you were waiting for him at the end, he'd do it all over again.
"So you want to take a dip in that honey huh? Taste that rainbow?"
His claws would have sunk into Wade's throat if a knock hadn't sounded at the door. With a huff, he stepped into the kitchen, the bottle clutched tightly in his hand. Whoever decided to give Wade some luck was of no concern to him.
Or so he believed.
"I didn't mean to accidentally take your groceries," you laughed, handing over a overpacked paper bag.
Stuffing the bottle under the sink, he met you halfway to the living room, his eyes drinking in the sight of you still in that dress. Still delicate enough for him to rip if he tugged it right. Heat curled along the base of his spine when your eyes met his, wide and glimmering with your laughter. He felt himself crumple at the sight of your lips parting, the surprise at his size still enough to make you speechless.
"Good to see you again," he greeted you, voice low and soft.
You didn't mean to grow flustered in his presence, but something about the way his gaze devoured you within seconds left you breathless. The swooping sensation in your stomach became too much to handle. Desire and attraction weren't unknown concepts to you. But this felt like more. You could sense him right down to your bones and it scared the shit out of you.
"Oh right!" Wade scooched past you to swing an arm around Logan's shoulders. He did what he could to not stab him in the stomach. "This is Logan. My hunky new roommate."
Logan groaned. "Alright–"
"No, no it's good. You remember when I was declared basically the savior of the universe?"
Your face screwed up in confusion. Logan had never wanted to kiss someone more.
"Marvel...Jesus right?"
"I prefer MJ. Since I've got a Peter." Wade's head whipped to the side. "Suck it Tom Holland." His grip on Logan tightened. "This walking People's Sexiest Magazine helped. We're talking big claws, abs you just want to lick whipped cream off of–"
Logan's elbow slammed into Wade's stomach—crimson slowly tinting the tips of his ears. "That's enough."
"AND the Wolverine."
Surprised etched itself onto your face even further. Until you finally regarded Logan with a look he'd seen once before. Awe. When you first met one another in the halls of the mansion, you stared at him that exact way. As if you couldn't quite believe that iconic figure the X-Men made him out to be actually existed.
He couldn't tell if he liked it. Or if he'd rather you view him as a stranger.
"Logan," he said, offering his hand to you politely. Your skin remained as soft as he remembered.
Warmth bloomed in your body at the feeling of his calloused palm overwhelming yours, the scars across his knuckles old and ancient. Yet you found yourself wanting to trace them over and over, until the sight of them seared in your mind. You fought the urge to press your lips to them, etch your own mark into his skin. Something told you he wouldn’t mind.
Logan could see the intrigue on your face—the distracted gaze he wanted to keep in place. You were still curious. Still willing to learn about him. To pick him a part with soft words and even softer touches.
"Logan," you murmured under your breath, your eyes catching his. He felt his stomach leap at the sound of your voice whispering his name. Memories flooding his mind quicker than he expected. Of mornings spent in bed, your skin pressed against his. Of nights alone in his cabin—your stories lulling him to sleep.
Everything he willed himself to forget, yet could never truly let go of.
"I've got to head back." Disappointment filled your heart at the thought of not getting a chance to talk to him more. He had yet to let go of your hand and you found you liked his touch on your skin. "I'll see you soon Wade."
"Logan will be more than happy to walk you back," Wade replied, waving drastically behind your back. "Can't have you getting hurt now can we? Right peanut?"
You smiled. "I'm just across the street."
"I don't mind," Logan cut in, glaring at Wade to shut the fuck up.
"Okay," your voice was soft. Happy.
Logan would have done anything to keep it that way.
The walk back wasn't long enough for him to explain his actions from earlier, but you seemed to be just as smart as your variant self. Shutting the building's door, you turned to him—your dress fluttering in the breeze. Logan choked on his spit at the slight peek of your ass before you pushed the skirt back down around you.
"Did you know me?" You lead him to the corner, waiting for the traffic to die down. "On your Earth."
He paused, his eyebrows pulling together, and for a moment you wondered if you asked the wrong question. Wade told you bits and pieces of what happened since you last saw him, but Logan's background wasn't a discussion you tried to seek out. All you knew was that Wade acquired a new roommate. Not even a name.
Certainly not that he was Wolverine.
"Yes," Logan muttered, glancing at the change in lights.
You started to walk. "In what way?"
His hands curled into fists—echoes of his past rising to the surface. "We were...friends. You're a professor."
"A professor?" you exclaimed, a smile tugging on your lips. "Am I a mutant?"
He nodded. "You're able to bend time. Or control it." He snorted, following your lead towards your building. "I could never understand it. But Charles did."
The walk up to your apartment was silent, your thoughts filled with the new information he'd given you. And no matter how hard you tried to picture it, you couldn't see yourself as a mutant. A powerful being that held the ability to manipulate time who just so happened to be a professor. Somehow even thinking about it made you wonder why Logan was bothering to entertain this version of you. When the better one existed on his Earth.
"You said were."
Stopping at your door, he nearly knocked into you. "Hm?"
"Were friends. What happened?"
The answer he couldn't give you. The words he wouldn't even admit out loud to himself.
He felt his heart twist as if a knife slowly carved through his spleen. "We uh..." He coughed. "You..."
"I don't have to know." Grasping gently onto his arm, you offered a warm smile he felt down to his toes. A look he hadn't seen in quite some time. Logan could picture the last day you were happy in his head. Laughing with Charles in his office as you shared dinner, working on theories of your powers late into the night.
A week before they came.
"It's good to see you like this," he breathed, his hand reaching out to touch your cheek before stopping midair. "Happy."
Your eyebrows knit together. "I wasn't happy?"
"No." What he wouldn't give to take that information back, but it was out in the open, and as always—he remained too late.
"Why?" you asked, your hand sliding down to his much to his delight.
"I made you a promise." He sucked in a breath, his body begging him to start running. You'd be better off if you never knew. If you never remembered him in the first place. "I couldn't keep it."
I'll always keep you safe.
Words he refused to say again.
How could he promise this version of you that? How could he look you in the eyes and lie again? Breaking his Earth's you would haunt him for the rest of his life. He couldn't fathom doing it all over. It would kill him.
Except you weren't the person in his mind. You weren't the mutant who hated him with every fiber of your being. You were you. A continuous surprise that left his heart stuttering in his chest each time you looked his way. An enigma he found himself wanting to unravel.
"Maybe this time around you can," you said softly, letting him go with a smile as you entered your apartment, effectively opening the wound in his heart so wide there was no saving him.
Although he now knew something he didn’t know before.
He didn’t want to be saved.
#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett x you#logan howlett x y/n#logan howlett x f!reader#wolverine x reader#wolverine x you#wolverine x y/n#my writing
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I'm begging dragonage fans to do a tiny bit of research about arm amputees before loudly shouting their opinions on the inquisitor returning in the next game Please lol.
Apparently, it was confirmed that the inquisitor, your chatacter from the last game (who looses their arm in the final cutscene of the DLC), will return in Veilguard as a customisable character, similar to Hawke, and they will play an active roll in the story. This has caused a lot of people to start speculating on how they'll handle the inquisitor's missing hand, with most people agreeing they'll have to have a prosthetic to be an active part of the story. Which, while I do think this is the rought bioware will take, isn't true, and a part of me really hopes they leave the inquisitor without a prosthetic arm like in the end of Tresspasser
Partially because we already have a companion with a prosthetic (neve) and it would be nice to see some diversity in how amputation is depicted in such a mainstream game, but also because you dont need a prosthetic to fight as any of the main 3 classes from inquisition.
Mage:
mages just need a staff, the game shows them as 2 handed weapons but it's totally beleiveable that it would be usable 1-handed (Neve also uses a dagger-like weapon in the trailer, you can make a "staff" in inquisition that functions more like an energy sword, and the Mage in the chargers uses a staff resembling a bow, so I think it's more that they just need a focus, the shape doesn't matter as much). A knight enchanter may struggle more 1 handed, but I wouldn't write it off as an option with some modifications made to their main staff.
Warrior:
the easiest to justify, because there are several cases of arm amputees fighting with a sword and sheild in history, and while many did have prosthetics, most weren't functional (meaning they were mainly for aesthetic purposes and didn't actually aid the fighter in any way. There were exceptions, like Götz of the iron hand, who's prosthetic was functional, but most were not). The inquisitor looses their arm just above the wrist*, so they still have most of their forearm. Most sheilds strap to the forearm, so it wouldn't take much adjustment to make that work, and you can use the other hand for the weapon. Obviously, two-handed weapons will probably be off the table, though, lol.
*edit to say, as several people pointed out, i got that wrong, my bad 😅. The inquisitors arm is actually amputated through the elbow, the screenshots i was looking at just weren't very clear and it has been a while since i got to trespasser lol. It would still entirely possible to strap a shield to the upper arm though, with some pretty minor adjustments to the existing straps on standard (as in, those used by non-disabled warriors) tall shields, so the point still stands.
Rogue
this is the one people tend to be the loudest about and the one I understand the most. Obviously duel-weilding daggers won't work (unless you give them something like the hidden blades in assassin's creed on their stump side, I guess) but using a single dagger still would, and is a perfectly reasonable approach, given that's how most irl people used daggers. Archery, though, absolutely can work without a prosthetic, despite what people think. Dragonage has crossbows, not something like Bianca (rip) but a small, single-handed crossbow is an option. Even ignoring that though, amputee archery is a thing irl, and not every arm amputee uses prosthetics for it. The bows are modified to be held in one hand and drawn with the mouth using a kind of pully-system built into the bow that I could very easily see being modified into some dwarven-style contraption in game (some double arm amputees use their feet to draw regular bows, but I don't think that would be pheasable in combat).
Like I said, I think bioware will probably go with a prosthetic, but i hope that they don't. Or at the very least, show them with it sometimes and without it other times (the same goes for Neve, no one wears their prosthetic 24/7, I'd love to see them both take them off around the home base, even just occasionally). A lot of arm amputees in particular prefer to go without one, and arm prosthetics in media are some of the worst offenders of the "perfect prosthetic"/"miracle cure prosthetic" tropes. It doesn't count as "diversity" or disability representation if it doesn't actually change anything other than the look of the chatacter, and im really, really desperate for some actually decent amputee representation in games.
#disability#disabled#disability in games#dragon age the veilguard#dragon age veilguard#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#dragon age inquistor#dai#datv#dragon age 4#amputees#amputee#amputee representation#disability representation
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