#in another stunning win for team Me i can’t fucking cry anymore

[saipng]

we just keep on winning !

[cocobeanncteez]

ATEEZ Yeosang: Soulmate (oneshot)

Genre: Angst, fluff, idol au, soulmate au.

Pairing: Soulmate!Yeosang x Reader (fem) / Yeosang x idol!reader

Warnings: none.

In this world, everyone has a soulmate. Most people give up on trying to find their soulmate, while some travel the world just to find that one special person.

Each person has different indicators that a person is their soulmate; in your case, every mark your soulmate gets on his skin appears on yours, like a burn scar, bruise, or a cut. You didn't have the same moles, freckles, or birthmarks, and if he drew something on his skin, it wouldn't appear on yours; basically, anything that changes an area of the skin that can't be easily or instantly undone, will show up on your skin. Luckily, you couldn't feel the pain from it, you could only see it.

"Y/N, you're next," your group's makeup artist said to you, making you get up from the sofa. You sat on the chair, allowing her to work on your face while you listened to some music. After everyone in your group got ready, you went on stage. You were the leader of your group, so you had to talk before the performance.

-

Ateez had just finished performing and were currently watching your group from the TV in their waiting room while they had some refreshments.

Yeosang wasn't paying much attention as he was really tired... that was until he noticed the burn scar on your finger while you talked: it was the exact same burn scar as his that he got two days ago while helping Wooyoung cook. He got up from the chair, moving closer to the TV to check if it was really the same. He mentally cursed when you gave the mic to another member, cause now he couldn't see your hands anymore.

"What's wrong, Yeosang?" Hongjoong asked.

"Hyung, she has the same scar as me," he replied, showing the scar on his finger, shocking some of the members. "I'm not sure if it's exactly the same."

"Wait, wait, wait," Wooyoung took out his phone; he had already found his soulmate, so he was sure this was a sign. He immediately searched for images on Twitter. When he found a picture of a bruise that you had on your knee, he showed it to Yeosang. "Didn't you have the same bruise last month?"

Yeosang's eyes widened. "No way... this can't be true."

"You don't look very happy for someone who just found out who their soulmate is," Yunho commented.

"That's cause I'm not," Yeosang said through gritted teeth. "I hate this whole soulmate bullshit. I'd rather genuinely fall in love with someone than have the universe choose that someone for me."

None of the guys questioned Yeosang, knowing it was not the best time to talk to him about it; however, they really hoped he would change his mind soon.

-

After your group's performance ended, you all started filming for your behind the scenes content. Today, you all had a challenge to do: your six-member group was split into two teams, and one member from each team had to visit five other groups/soloists in the building to play a round of rock, paper, scissors, and the team who gets the least wins would face a penalty that would be shown on the next vlive. You and one of your members, Aeji, decided to volunteer for it.

After finishing the first four groups, you went to Ateez's waiting room which was at the end of the corridor. Aeji knocked on the door and Ateez's manager opened it. She explained what you both were here for, and he agreed to let you film with them.

You entered the room, bowing to the eight men.  "Hi! I'm Y/N and this is Aeji, we have a small challenge to do here. Could one of you play rock, paper, scissors with us?" You noticed how some of the boys glanced at Yeosang who was staring at your hands. As soon as you made eye-contact with Kang Yeosang, you felt something unexplainable in your heart, making you gasp in shock. Your vision became blurry and your head started spinning, making you clutch your head with your arms in hope of getting the spinning to stop.

"Y/N?! Y/N, are you all right?" you heard Aeji ask, but her voice seemed so far away.

Your head started spinning even faster, causing you to faint.

"Fuck!" Aeji kneeled down, putting your head on her lap while Ateez's staff got some water for you. They sprinkled some water on your face, but you didn't respond. "Oh god, what suddenly happened? She was fine minutes ago," Aeji mumbled to herself, but everyone heard her.

"Yeosang, do something," Wooyoung said. "Maybe she'll respond to you."

Aeji glanced at them in confusion.

"I'm not doing shit," Yeosang said. "You know I don't like this whole soul—"

"I'm sorry, but what are you guys talking about?" Aeji questioned.

"Y/N is Yeosang's soulmate," San stated, making the older man glare at him for exposing him.

Aeji's eyes widened. "Oh, is that so? Well, then do something, please. I don't know what made her faint."

"Well, from what I know, she passed out cause she has seen and been in the same area as Yeosang, but never realized he is her soulmate. The intensity of not knowing but being so close probably caused her to pass out," Hongjoong explained.

You could hear everything, but you just weren't able to open your eyes.

"Hyung, touch her cheek or something," Jongho suggested.

Yeosang hesitated for a few seconds before he sighed, kneeling beside you. He placed his hand on your cheek, gently cupping it, stroking your skin with his thumb. Even though he hated the whole soulmate thing, he couldn't deny that you were absolutely stunning; he had never seen anyone as beautiful as you.

Your eyes slowly opened, immediately landing on Yeosang's beautiful brown ones. Time seemed to have frozen at that moment, and your heart filled with happiness. It was obvious to you that he was your soulmate; you were thrilled about it as you always wanted to find your soulmate, and you always found Yeosang unique whenever you saw him at shows.

"I-I have to go," Yeosang murmured before standing up and leaving the room, leaving you confused. Why didn't he look happy?

-

"Kang Yeosang from Ateez is my soulmate," you told your members. They all were happy for you, except Aeji.

"Y/N, I don't think Yeosang is as thrilled as you," Aeji mumbled. "Jongho told me that Yeosang hates the whole soulmate thing."

"Oh, my brother hated all that too, but after he found his soulmate, he loved it," one of your members said with a small smile.

"Then let's hope Yeosang is the same, hmm?" Aeji said, giving your hand a gentle squeeze. You really hoped everything would go well.

-

"Um, hey, can we talk privately?" you asked Yeosang, standing outside Ateez's waiting room. He rolled his eyes, but followed you to the rooftop of the building.

You gave him a small smile. "So, uh—"

"Look, Y/N," he started in a cold tone. "I don't care if we're soulmates according to the universe or whatever shit it is. Neither do I want a soulmate, nor do I need one. I'd rather find someone who genuinely loves me for who I am, not because of some hideous so-called soulmate bond." You just kept quiet, unsure of what to say while your heart ached terribly. 

"So just move on, yeah?" he continued, staring at the clouds moving in the blue sky. "I'm sure you'll find someone who will genuinely love you." He glanced at you before leaving you all alone on the rooftop with a shattered heart.

You always wanted to find your soulmate. You wanted to experience being madly in love with the person you're fated to be with till death. But how could you do any of that when your soulmate doesn't even want you? You wondered how it was so easy for him to break your heart. Was your bond really that weak?

You sighed, blinking away the tears from your eyes. You can't and won't force your soulmate to love you back, so you should probably take his advice and try to move on.

-

"Wow, Yeosang, didn't know you were getting some action," San said with a smirk, confusing the man who had just finished showering.

"What are you saying?"

"No need to act oblivious, we all can see it," Wooyoung said.

"I pity our makeup artist," Seonghwa commented.

Yeosang raised an eyebrow.  "What the hell are you guys talking about?"

Hongjoong rolled his eyes. "The hickey on your neck, obviously."

Yeosang's eyebrows furrowed. He checked his reflection in the mirror, eyes widening at the big hickey on his neck and one below his collarbone.

"It's on Y/N," Yeosang said through gritted teeth, feeling extremely annoyed and hurt. His heart ached terribly. He wanted to see you right now, but it was nearly impossible. Both his and your group's promotions ended two weeks ago, and there was no way he could meet you anywhere outside due to paparazzi. He didn't even have your number.

"You look... pissed," Jongho stated.

"Well, yeah, my soulmate is fucking another man," Yeosang spat before sitting on the large couch in the living room of the dorm, running his hand through his hair in frustration.

Yunho raised an eyebrow. "Do you expect her to wait for you when you literally told her to move on?" he asked in disbelief. "And now that she has, you're pissed? That's unfair."

Yeosang sighed, remembering every word he told you. He knew Yunho was right.

"I know, but... I just can't do this anymore. The bond is torturing me. A-And," his voice cracked as tears swelled up in his eyes. "I love her. I really love her, soulmate or not."

Wooyoung sat beside Yeosang, wrapping his arms around him, letting his bestfriend cry on his shoulder. Everyone could only hope it wasn't too late for Yeosang.

-

"Yeosang... it's been a week. You need to come out of your room," Seonghwa murmured, kneeling beside Yeosang's bed.

"I don't feel like doing that, hyung."

Seonghwa sighed. "We have to practice for the award show tomorrow. Our manager won't let you miss practice for the third time."

Yeosang groaned, putting his blanket over his head. "Can't I miss it? Can't our company say I'm sick?"

"Absolutely not," Ateez's manager said, entering the room. "You might win a big award tomorrow. And there's a large audience, you could draw a lot of attention. Besides, Y/N's group will be there." Yeosang instantly removed the blanket from his head at the mention of your name.

"She'll be there?"

"Yeah, the final lineup got confirmed an hour ago."

-

Yeosang leaned in close to Jongho. "When is our break?" he whispered in Jongho's ear.

Jongho groaned. "Hyung, this is the eighth time you've asked me that in less than half an hour."

Yeosang glanced at where your group was seated; unfortunately, one of your members was covering you, so he couldn't see you. He sighed, shifting his eyes back on the group that was currently performing while he tried his best to wait patiently.

As soon as all artists were given a break, he rushed to your group's waiting room. He found only half of your members there.

"Hello," he bowed. "Where is Y/N?"

"She's in the bathroom on the second floor."

Yeosang rushed there as fast as he could, ignoring the stares he was getting from other artists and staff.

"Y/N!" he yelled once he saw you leaving the bathroom, causing you to turn around.

Yeosang now stood right in front of you, panting from the run. Your heart raced at the sight of how ethereal your soulmate looked tonight, especially in his black suit and newly dyed black hair. He was absolutely stunning.

"Can we talk, please?" Yeosang asked anxiously, hope clear in his beautiful eyes.

You couldn't say no, even though you should've. You simply nodded your head, letting him drag you to the emergency staircase in the building.

You leaned back against the wall, waiting for him to say whatever he wanted to. You noticed how he was fidgeting with his fingers while he leaned against the railing of the staircase.

"Are you okay?" you asked in concern. Your soulmate sighed, taking a few steps towards you.

"Can I hold your hand?" he questioned. When you nodded, he took your hands in his, gently rubbing circles on the back of it while he tried to calm down by taking deep breaths.

"I love you, Y/N," he confessed. "I just... can't stand the thought of you being with anyone else. It kills me to even think of it. I know I was a jerk before and I know you've moved on, but I—"

You cupped Yeosang's cheek before capturing his lips with your own, surprising him; he couldn't believe you were kissing him after everything he said. He kissed you back, his heart beating rapidly like yours. The soulmate bond between the two of you strengthened, causing a euphoric feeling.

You pulled away with a smile that grew wider when you saw how stunned and happy Yeosang was.

"I tried to move on," you explained. "But I couldn't. Not when my heart, my soul, belongs to you. I love you, Kang Yeosang."

Yeosang chuckled happily, leaning in to kiss you passionately. His heart swelled with happiness and he mentally thanked the universe for bringing the two of you together as soulmates.

[fvckthebatboys]

Who Do You Love More pt 2

Pairing: Batfam x Batsis!reader

Words: 1575+

Requested: Kinda

A/N: hey guys. i know I keep saying that i’ve come back multiple times but i am just constantly getting fucked over by life. but here’s this to say sorry

You had managed to avoid your brothers and father the rest of the night and, so far, all of this morning. All you had to do was hide until your next game this afternoon. Before you reached your room last night, you had managed to grab enough food and drinks to last you until then. Thus lowering your chances of seeing the other inhabitants of the house. Sitting on your bed scrolling through your social media, you couldn’t help but think back to last night and the conversation you had with your family. That was the first time in god only knows how long you heard the words ‘I love you’ come from your father. You had finally heard the words you craved to hear for so long. So why didn’t you feel better? Why were you still so upset and hurt? Maybe because actions truly do speak louder than words, the rational part of yourself reminded you. That words can't wipe away years of actions screaming at you that they don’t care? A knock on your door broke you from your thoughts.

“Mistress Y/N,” Alfred’s calm voice rises in volume as he opened the door.

“Yes Alfred,” turning to face the only person in this damn house you know actually gives a fuck about you.

“Your presence has been requested in the dining room for lunch.”

“I already ate Alfred,” a sigh escaped you as you answered him.

“One of those cup noodle things does not count as having lunch. Plus you have a game tonight do you not? You need to eat something heartier than that if you want to play well.”

“They’re down there, aren’t they Alfred?”

“Yes Miss Y/N.”

“Then I’m going to stay up here.”

“Suit yourself,” the man exited your room, closing the door behind him.

You returned your focus to your phone, not wanting to continue your thought process from earlier. Ten minutes later and another knock on your door came. Rolling your eyes, you stood and walked to the door.

“I told you already Alfred, if they’re down there then I’m-” your voice caught in your throat as you threw the door open only to find Jason on the other side of it.

“Hey kiddo,” in one hand a plate of food and a drink in the other. “Alfred said you wouldn’t come down, so I came up.”

You tried to quickly shut the door on him, but his damn reflexes were too good for that. He smoothly slid his foot into the doorway, stopping the door in its tracks, all without spilling the food or drink.

“I told Alfred I’d eaten already so just take it back downstairs,” your eyes stayed locked on the carpet.

“You can’t avoid us forever Y/N. We live in the same house.”

“Yeah, well I can sure as hell try,” turning, you walked back to your bed.

Sitting back in your bed, you grabbed your headphones. Plugging them into your phone you picked a playlist before placing the buds in your ears. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Jason set the plate and glass down on your dresser. Watching as the door shut behind him, your gaze fell to the food. With a sigh, you stood and grabbed the food. You weren’t sure why Jason had been the one elected to bring it to you. But you really didn’t care. You ate the lunch and set the plate back on your dresser. After an hour or so, you heard another knock on the door. Before you could even ask who it was, it opened to reveal Alfred.

“Miss Y/N, might I have a word with you,” he entered the room and shut the door behind him. You nodded as you took out your earbuds. “Could I sit?”

“Of course.”

“I want to apologize,” Alfred spoke as he took a seat on your bed beside you.

“Alfred you have nothing to apologize for,” you were stunned by what you heard. Out of everyone in the manor, he was the only one you could talk to. “You’ve done nothing that warrants it.”

“But I have Miss Y/N. I have allowed Master Bruce and those boys get away with abandoning you. I should have never let your relationship with them get to this point. You all used to be so happy. I miss those days Miss Y/N. The days where you were all a family.”

“Alfred, please don’t think yourself to have any blame in this. They chose this. They chose to distance themselves. I just gave up. I couldn’t take the rejection anymore so I stopped trying,” you could feel the tears well up and slowly make their way over your cheeks. It hurt to say all this, but it also needed to be said to someone at least. As you spoke, you felt a small weight disappear from your shoulders and your heart. “I hated the reminder that a city comes before his own family. Before the people who used to mean the world to you. I get the family business is the vigilante lifestyle, but couldn’t they have still supported me? Couldn’t Gotham go a few hours here and there without them?”

Unbeknownst to you, five figures stood on the other side of the door, listening to your conversation. All of them thinking of how they could make things go back to the way they were before.

“I have to get ready for the game today Alfred. Thank you for actually listening.”

“No need to thank me. Shall I drive you there?”

“Yes please.”

“Very well. Let me know when you are ready.”

“Okay. Thank you Alfred.”

He smiled as he left your room. Over the next half hour, you got dressed and got everything you’d need together. Pulling on your cleats, you grabbed your soccer bag and headed for the stairs. When you got to the foyer, you saw Bruce and your brothers. You tried to sneak past them, but got caught.

“Y/N are you ready,” Dick questioned.

“For?”

“Your game. Father is taking us,” Damian looked to you.

“You’re going? Again?”

“Is there a problem,” Dick asked.

“Why?”

“Because we should’ve been doing this all along,” Bruce spoke up. “We shouldn’t have let things get as bad as they have between us. We do love you Y/N, please believe that.”

“Why should I? You haven’t been there for years Bruce,” the use of his first name brought many unreadable emotions to the man’s face. “So I’m sorry if it’s hard to believe that you care. That any of you care. For years you put this god forsaken city above me. I’m sorry I didn’t want to be a vigilante like you guys, but I guess that’s the only way to get your love. Cause you haven’t abandoned them. Hell, you love three men who aren’t even your own kids more than me. I cannot wait to leave this fucking city.”

You pushed past the stunned men, but before you could get very far a hand grabbed your arm.

“What do you mean leave,” you could’ve sworn you heard Bruce’s voice crack as he asked the question.

“I got offered a spot in the national team and I accepted. I leave as soon as I graduate.”

“Why didn’t you tell us,” Jason spoke up.

“For the same reason we’re fighting about right now. Because you wouldn’t care.”

“But you’d be leaving, for who knows how long,” Tim’s voice came from behind you.

“And if you hadn’t known you probably wouldn’t have even noticed I was gone.”

“Y/N please. We want to make things better,” Bruce’s hand on your arm tightened ever so slightly.

“Why now? Why is it that all of a sudden you actually give a fuck about me? I’ve been fine without you guys for years now. So why?”

“Because I didn’t realize until recently just how much I, we’ve, screwed up when it comes to you,” and this time you heard the crack in Bruce’s voice clear as day.

You wanted to turn around, but you knew that if you did you’d want to forgive them. It wasn’t that you wanted to remain on bad terms with the five of them, but the pain of all the rejection and years of being invisible still feels so fresh to you. Ever so slowly, you turned back to face them. The looks on their faces screamed how much they truly wanted to fix their relationship with you, even Damian who barely showed any emotion at all. Looking into the eyes of your father, the tears you’d been fighting so hard to hold back for so many years fell one after another down your cheeks. Sobs wracked your body as Bruce quickly pulled you into his chest, arms wrapping around you in an embrace you’d missed more than anything. The hushed ‘it’s okay’s and ‘I’m sorry’s didn’t do anything to quiet your crying. You were then passed from Bruce to Dick then Tim then Jason then Damian, your only blood brother. With a ‘tch’ his arms opened wide for a hug. The first hug you’d ever had from the boy. This only made the tears fall harder as you pulled the boy into you.

“Now enough with all this crying bull shit, you’ve got a game to win,” the gruff voice of Jason came from your left.

“Righ,” you pulled away from Damian and wiped at your eyes. “Let’s go.”

[ghostbustermelanieking]

Pusher AU where Scully Russian Roulette’s with Modell instead of Mulder

this was way more fun than it should've been. TW for suicide/murder mentions + guns

1. When Modell knocks out the camera, when he invades Scully's mind and forces her to walk into the hospital room, she doesn't understand what's happening. She thinks she's been drugged, knocked unconscious, is dreaming. She tries to fight it the entire time, but all she can do is stumble. She tries to bargain with him, but all she can do is make small grunting sounds. When Mulder bursts into the room, his eyes wide and furious, panic fills her mind as she remembers Frank Burst, the cop who set himself on fire. 

2. Mulder tries to fight Modell. He shouts at him, tries to come forward and physically overpower him, but Modell easily has the power, picks up the gun in the center of the table and points it right at Scully, who is sitting stone still in her seat, breathing hard as she tries to regain power. "Come on, Mulder," Modell says cheerfully. "This is a game. Don't you want to see if you can win?"

3. Scully fights harder than Mulder does to try and avoid shooting Modell. Her nostrils flaring, her hand spasms desperately around the gun, fearing they'll all go up in flames. But Modell's too strong, and she pulls the trigger. When he says, "Your turn," Scully thinks this is it, that he's rigged it somehow so she's going to shoot herself in front of Mulder. He's marked Mulder as his enemy, and this is the way to get to him, she knows it. 

"No," Mulder says, his voice full of horror. Scully tries to fight again, every muscle in her arm tightening, but her hand rises anyway, lifting the gun. Mulder's hand flies out and closes around her wrist. "Scully, no," he says, sounding horribly betrayed. "You can fight this, Scully, you don't have to..." 

She tries to tell him that she doesn't want to, tries to ask for his help, but her lips are frozen, she can't speak. She lifts the gun to her temple, but her hands are shaking. She doesn't want to die. She whimpers, just a little. 

"Goddamnit, Modell!" Mulder snaps, his hand hard around her wrist like a cuff. His fingers are tense, and he's practically quivering with fear. "Don't do this to her. Don't fucking do this. It's me you want. Let her go, and you... you can do whatever you want with me." 

Scully shakes her head, or at least she tries to; she moves her chin a little and the muzzle of the gun butts up against her temple. Mulder yanks her hand away, the gun rocking so hard she thinks it's going to fire, and Modell's hand flies out and grabs Mulder's, his brow furrowed in concentration, coated with sweat. Scully's hand shakes and shakes. 

"Don't do this," Mulder says, his voice vulnerable and soft. "Let her go."

Modell just smiles, and Scully is filled with an entirely new kind of terror. "You want to go first, Mulder? Okay. You can go first."

4. A new instruction springs up like wildfire in Scully's mind and she fights against this one with a new ferocity, determined, so determined... But her stiff muscles don't listen. And she is swiveling her hand around, moving the gun in Mulder's grip awkwardly so it is pointed right at him. 

Mulder's eyes widen, genuinely speechless. He is wearing a vest, but the muzzle is angled to where it will hit just above, in his neck or his head, and Scully shakes her head again. She feels so stiff, everything in her straining, and she manages a small word, a strained, "No."

"C'mon, Scully, this should be easy for you," Modell says casually. "You've shot him before, I read it in your files."

This isn't happening, this isn't fucking happening, he's drugged her or she's asleep or something, because she cannot shoot Mulder, not again... "I'm not..." she chokes out. "I can't..."

"Sure, you can. They'd probably give you a medal for it. Spooky Mulder, off the streets." Modell smirks. "You know he'll never believe you, right? He'll never take you seriously."

Scully's fingers twitch, ghosting over the trigger, and she whimpers again, a furious grunt.

"Scully, it's okay," Mulder says softly, and she suddenly sees it in his eyes: he'd rather her shoot him than herself. "It's okay."

She shakes her head again, a tear leaking from her eyes. Her eyes jerk convulsively, looking for a way out, and land on a fire alarm on the back wall. She tries to move, but the chair only rocks. Her arm is so fucking stiff. "No," she says again, from somewhere deep in her chest. 

"I'm gonna kill you, Modell," Mulder growls. "Scully, it's okay. You can't... you can't feel guilty when..."

He really thinks she's going to shoot him, and she's starting to believe it herself. Her finger is curled hard over the trigger. "No," she says insistently. "Mulder..." 

"Go on, Scully," Modell says boredly. "It's him or you, and Mulder's made his choice. Unless you'd like it to be Scully's turn..."

"Run," Scully bites out, and Mulder shakes his head. She stares at him hard, meaningfully, and she doesn't have much strength left. "Fire... go..." she gasps, and oh god, she's going to shoot her partner again. And this time, she's going to kill him. 

And then, miraculously, Mulder follows her line of sight. He takes off at a run towards the alarm just as Scully's finger closes over the trigger and she hears the empty click. It's an empty, and she almost sobs with relief as the shrill blare fills the room.

5. Scully doesn't shoot Modell. She lunges across the room, gun dropping from her hand, and shoves him to the ground. She hits him until she can't hit him anymore, until Modell invades her mind again, somehow, and she goes limp. He shoves her off of her, instructs her silently to get the gun underneath the shrill sound, and then she hears the gunfire. Mulder is holding it, standing over them, and Modell collapses to the ground. 

Scully folds in on herself as she is freed once again, gasping in relief. She doesn't look at Mulder. She hugs herself on the floor until Mulder is crouching beside her, pulling her into his lap. "I shot at you," she chokes out, and she's crying, sobbing the way she did after Pfaster. Mulder's arms are wrapped around her and he's rocking her back and forth, and God, either of them could be dead right now, either of them. "I could've killed you, Mulder, I could've..."

"It's okay, it's okay," he whispers into her hair, and he's just as frantic, his heart fluttering like a bird under her ear. "It was an empty, he didn't want me dead, he wanted to hurt me... he knew I wouldn't be shot... Jesus, Scully, you could've died." And his own tears are falling in her hair. 

The SWAT team finds the two of them like that: clutching at each other, rocking together on the hospital floor. 

6. Later, she finds him standing over Modell in a hospital bed, his face stony. She whispers, "I say we don't let him take up another minute of our time," and is stunned to feel his hand curling around hers. They walk out together, hand in hand, and Scully is terrified he won't forgive her, that she shouldn't be forgiven, but he assures her then, assures her later that night, will assure her years later when Modell came back: it's not her fault. He's choked with his own guilt, truly believing it's his fault because he agreed to let Scully go and he should've known that Modell would use Scully to get to him, and the bullet was in the third chamber so she would've been shot, and... It will take them time to heal from this ordeal, but they will.

For now, they hold hands. 

---

a/n: i had scully actually pull the trigger on mulder not because i think mulder is stronger or loves her more or something, but because a) the confrontation goes on longer, i felt like, than the confrontation when mulder has the gun on scully and i didn't think either of them would be able to hold back that long, and b) i figured modell's entire plan was to make mulder ask to go first (bc he probably knew which one was a blank somehow) and then have him watch scully die, and it was all a trick to get to Mulder; whereas before, he wanted mulder to shoot scully. 

[blade-revolutions]

Kai x Lyla first kiss scene (short version)

Due to studying of uni entrance exams, I haven’t written in a long while so I finally had time to sit down and write a bit - even if the piece is truly short.

The events take place in my Beyblade AU which is supernatural / magic powers themed. Both characters are 15.

//

Darkness.

Lyla Hart can’t seem to be able to see anything past it. Truthfully, she isn’t sure if there could be anything else except for it. 

Voices scream, desperate for help, for any sign of humanity. Flames are scattered everywhere.

How could they?

Firstly they sacrificed their own teammates for more glory, more power. Then they burned them, turning their bodies into ash. 

The cries of pain and agony echo in Lyla’s ears and she stills. She can’t see the river anymore, or hear the soothing flow of the water as it carries on. The night sky dotted with stars is replaced by the terrifying sight of James and Marcus, a fire is surrounding their whole being. She’s rendered speechless, her body frozen in spot as her mind replays yesterday’s events. She sees the boys breathing harshly, coughing, their skin glistening with sweat due to the unbearable heat. She hears their shouts vividly, their pleas when James says they won’t loose again.

A new gang arrived in town two weeks ago. Rumours began spreading they were the strongest team of the capital and had returned from worldwide competitions abroad. She recalls Hilary’s expression, half-doubtful, half-mocking. 

“Just what kind of competitions?” she put her glasses down and arched her brow in disbelief. “As far as I know, no one’s heard of them.”

“Well, we had been out of town for quite a while.” Lyla admits and stares at Hilary expectantly for her response. Both of them were agitated by the appearance of a new group out of nowhere - which proclaimed to be the best in the entire capital.

“Please.” Hilary dismisses her and takes a ship of her tea. “Claiming they’re the best when we’ve never encountered them -  not only we, but anyone is suspicious alone. It’d be foolish to believe such claims. We’re not eight.”

Lyla sits on her bed, folding her legs underneath her. She held the urge of sighing pleasantly because her bed is so warm and nothing can be as good as coming back to the comfort of your own bed. “Although that’s true, we’ve lost track of everything. We’ll have to gather more information as soon as possible. Don’t want them running to Kai and Johnny.” 

“Tala, Julia and Ian are already on it. Apparently, this supposed gang loves the survival kind of team contests. They are already advertising themselves by placing posters in the city to grab the citizens’ attention for the upcoming tournament. And for the Kai and Johnny part, I definitely agree. They won’t want to know how the boys react to those to who pull the superior act when in reality they’re not. 

Lyla is amused by Hilary’s words and the way she views the situation. To think the girl actually encouraged the idea of the boys putting some people in their rightful places entertained her to no end, considering Hilary would scold them for being hot-headed and a bunch of idiots with super powers.

“Wait till Tyson is added to the mix.”

Hilary catches her best friend’s glance and a laugh escaped her throat. “ For once, I’d be looking forward to it.”

She’s been a fire fairy for the past two years and she always perceived magic as the purest form of art and self-expression so when she had a taste of how destructive it could be, something inside her shattered.

Is magic truly evil?

She wants to stay alone and think, to find her sanity and her lost positivity. However that plan is proved to be a major failure when footsteps approach her from behind.

Lyla doesn’t have to turn around. She knows it’s him.

“How long are you gonna stay here like this?”

She merely rolls her eyes. Kai is as critical as usual, he just picked the wrong time for it. Lyla’s grip around her knees tightens and she buries her nose on the top of her knees to prevent the cold air from seeping in and to the rest of her face, despite the fact her attempts are futile.

“Ignoring me won’t make me leave.”

Oh he couldn’t hold himself back from being an ass! Not all hours are the same and Lyla is reluctant to put up with him.

“We’ll do everything to win next time.”

Next time. Heck they knew there wouldn’t be a next time and they still tried. They were willing to do everything, they could do everything. Out of the five, Marcus and James were the only ones with a heart and real potential to become better. Yet, death decided it was time to take away whatever good that gang had. Them.

A tear cascades her cheek. It was unfair, it still is unfair. They didn’t deserve any of this.

“You’ll have to leave sometime, Lyla.” Kai huffs.

Can’t. He. Just. Shut. Up?!

“I don’t remember having a babysitter surrounding me.” She tries to retort with a steady voice but it wavers slightly as she reached the end. Hiwatari is starting to get on her nerves and she can’t even stand on a verbal fight with him. So great.

“You know I’m not but what I said before was right. We have to go.”

She despises his ability to go from hot to cold the next moment. She often wonders why he doesn’t want to pursue being actor. Kai has perfected the technique of raising the brow - Lyla’s sure he has spent hours in front of a mirror practicing it, otherwise, he’s not normal - and since honey drips from his lips whenever he speaks, he’d be beyond perfect for any role of bad guy.

“You’re not always right.” 

Kai’s mouth stays agape briefly, staring at Lyla’s back stunned. Where did that come from?

“I didn’t say I’m always right.”

“But you definitely act like it.”

He presses his lips firmly shut. She is definitely bothered by something and that’s enough to push Kai’s ego back slightly. He remains silent before making another try and convince her it’s time to get home.

“It’s getting cold out here.”

 Lyla doesn’t respond immediately. The thought of ignoring him till he gets bored and leaves is too appealing. But Kai won’t let her get away easily.

“I like the cold.” She replies stubbornly.

“No you don’t. You like spring.”

“And you don’t like summer.”

“I don’t like a lot of things.”

“But you definitely enjoy getting on people’s nerves at the wrong at time.” 

Kai chuckles. He wishes he could see her face since Lyla’s cheeks tend to get covered with a soft red whenever they get into an argument - something that doesn’t happen often to his surprise.

Upon hearing him hold back his laughter, Lyla turns her head abruptly. Kai sees the tears on her cheeks and whatever comeback he has come up with dies on his throat. What can possibly has shaken her this much?

Then a thought crosses his mind. 

It’s swift and he could have missed it...but he’s positive that this could be exactly it.

He pushes his hands deep into the pockets of his hoodie, his eyes looking anywhere but her as one thought brings the other. Lyla takes a moment to trace his features; a part of his neck is exposed since Hiwatari isn’t fond of scarves along with hoodies and her toes curl unwillingly. She can’t deny she doesn’t like his neck. She really does and often wonders how it’d be to taste it. Then again she’s fifteen and shouldn’t accuse Kai of having a dirty mind. Hers isn’t any better.

Her eyes travel higher, to his rosy lips and soft breaths against the cold, to his mesmerizing purple eyes and red-tinted nose and to his slate blue hair which is pushed back into his black beanie. There’s a softness about him at seeing his face this vulnerable, free from the bangs that hide it from the rest of the world.

Her heart clenches.

“Kai?” She asks hesitantly.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think magic is evil?”

Kai ponders the thought for a minute. Afterwards, “No. I don’t think it’s evil at all. It depends on how you choose to use it, the purpose you have.”

More tears roll down her cheeks and realization dawns upon her; she can’t stop them from flowing. She can’t bury the pain anymore.

“That’s what I believe too but whenever I do, there’s the haunting image of Marcus and James, their unfair fate, how they deserved better and how they were always the best ones at heart from their group. They could be developed so much more, they could be everything the rest of their teammates would never be. They were kind and no one recognised that in them. People viewed them as the weakest members of the gang and all of that because of one loss at a match One fucking loss.” her sobs have made her voice lower. She doesn’t mind the tears because Kai knows. He knows her well enough. “I’m tired. I feel like breaking. I-I don’t think I’ll be able to use magic for a while after this. I don’t think - 

Her eyes fly wide open when Kai’s face comes too close for her comfort to hers and the next thing she knows is his lips on hers. For a heartbeat her brain is preoccupied by the fact this is not a dream, that she’s not in her bed fantasizing how kissing Kai Hiwatari would feel like since her crush on him only got stronger the longer she got the chance to know him better and spend time with him.

She lets her eyes close and sinks in. Lyla moves her hands from her sides to Kai’s neck and intertwines her fingers there, bringing them closer. She’s surprised when she notices his hands have come around to secure her waste, making her forget everything and her heart almost explodes at the feeling of his thumb, smooth on her cold skin as he wipes away slowly her tear. 

How someone so distant can be so soft?

She doesn’t have time to process the thought. He pulls away and heat rushes on her face.

Holy shit, it did happen.

Then another thought occurs. Why did he kiss her? To offer comfort? To stop her from babbling while crying her heart out? 

“Why did you - “ her breath hitches on her throat and she swallows to calm her nerves. “Why did you do that?”

A small smile flickers on Kai’s lips and Lyla wishes to see that more often “Because I wanted to.” Her head shoots up from the ground to stare at him astonished. 

“And because you seemed to lose your self.” he mumbles softly.

A grin lights up her face. She’s supposed to not lose her spirit, even if the world around her collapses. 

“Come on. Let’s go home. The guys will be worried.”

She nods and paces quicker to reach him, thanking God for making Kai a part of her life that reminds her she’s much stronger than she thinks.

[weapon13whitefang]

Discussing Skybound’s Magazines [Team Delusional Mega Meta]

Time to have a little fun, Y'all!

Well… This STARTED as a fun project Saturday night and now it’s early Tuesday morning/Monday night [1AM] and I’M STILL fucking working on this thing… I finally finished it though so that’s pretty fun.

But guys… This took me three days and eighteen hours… Eighteen hours! This thing was written up in OpenOffice and it is long long, Y'all. Like I seriously just meant to do a simple break down… Not for it to get THIS fucking huge.

So if you’re going into this, be prepared to sit down and read for awhile…

On another note, while this is longer than I intended and I spent way too much time on it, this was meant to be fun. I enjoy metas and I like doing research and to me, this was a mixture of both and digging around is fun sometimes.

So this is in fun… It’s also a Team Defiance/Team Delusional meta. So a good chunk of things WILL be related to Beth Greene. I also incorporated other characters since other characters are essential to explaining things and can lead to a TD. But this is Beth centered mostly. It’s also centered on speculation of where things are going in the show.

I am aware that these magazines can mean absolutely nothing and were just made to be a gag and wordplay. But as I said, the idea of digging around them was meant for fun. So take what you will outta this LONG AS FUCK Meta.

That said, have fun and message me! Do you agree, do you disagree, do you think I’m a loco (of course I am but you can still ask!), what do you think?

Magazine 1: GQ [Fashion Magazine]

Magazine Topics

Right

Fall fashion guide Keeping an eye on the delicious new trend

12 Hats to add to your style bible

The sexiest zombie couple “alive”

Left

D&G Light Red: Walkers hate it, women can’t get enough of it

Carl Grimes is finally all grown up

How to win the war against the saviors

Stay chic in whichever year it is

Under the Magazine

Upgrade your wardrobe and stay fresh under the harshest and bloodies condition

First off, putting Chandler Riggs – Carl Grimes – as the face for a fashion magazine is interesting… But also hilarious to me. I’m just gonna say that first… That aside, look at the things listed above that this “apocalypse magazine” has labeled as its topics.

You see it? Well first let’s break it down. The first thing that caught my “eye” was the left side. “Fall fashion guide Keeping an eye on the delicious new trends” and “12 Hats to add to your style bible” and “The sexiest zombie couple “alive””. The whole thing about “keeping an eye” was obviously a jab at Carl losing his eye but it’s the fact that they highlight the word eye in red. As if they’re saying “keep a watch” or “pay attention”. The next thing we get is the use of the bible. For those that don’t know what they mean by fashion bible, they’re literally saying “here’s your scripture and law of what to wear in the apocalypse”.

The use of the word bible is odd in that the bible isn’t often used around Carl… But the hat is. And the hat is technically a nudge to Rick. That hat is a symbol of Rick’s past. Carl is literally walking around with one of the few symbols we have left of Rick’s past and who he was; Officer Friendly. And that hat has a history to it, right? Rick got shot, wore the hat when he came back into Atlanta on a horse. Even snatched it up off the street once he lost it. Carl got shot, got to have the hat after waking up in season 2 [CHEROKEE ROSE]. Out of everyone on the show, only three people have ever worn Rick’s hat. Rick himself, Carl, and… Beth.

Cherokee Rose [s02e04]

Carl Grimes: Hey, I’m like you now. We’ve both been shot. Isn’t that weird? Rick Grimes: [Rick smiles] Yeah, I think your mother would rather hear we got the same eyes. So let’s keep that between us. Since you’re in the club now, you get to wear the hat. Didn’t you know? We’ll pad the rim tomorrow so it sits better. Carl Grimes: [Rick hands over the sheriff hat to Carl] Won’t you miss it? Rick Grimes: Maybe you’ll let me borrow it from time to time. Carl Grimes: We can share it.

And

A [s04e16]

Beth Greene: There you go, Judith. There you go. Rick Grimes: Put it in at more of an angle… Whoa! Gonna have to get you a farming hat… [Rick places the sheriff hat on Beth] There’s a new sheriff in town. Beth Greene: [Giggling] How’s it look? Rick Grimes: [Laughing] Looks good. Hershel Greene: It can be like this all the time. Rick Grimes: It’s like this now. That’s enough.

That hat is Rick and Carl’s symbol. It was also made a symbol of “I was shot and survived” to, as stated in S2. Carl and Rick are the main focus of people who were critically shot and lived. Rick in the chest and in a coma. Carl in the stomach and with very few medical supplies from Hershel. Both surviving in practically impossible situations. That leaves Beth open for an impossible survival.

Now, this next part focuses mainly on Carl himself. The next thing it mentions is “The sexiest zombie couple “alive””. The quotation marks around the word alive is obviously a nudge at the whole “living dead” thing; a wordplay. But the thing is – with these magazines being created and presented in 2017 and the new spoiler that the reason we see Rick crying in a flashback like sequence is because Carl is going to be killed by Negan in season 8’s midseason finale – I’m wondering if this was meant to be a nudge to that spoiler of Carl dying this season. Carl was in a relationship with Enid as well (I would never label them as a sexy couple because Ewww they’re like sixteen) but they are a couple and could be a nudge to that. But I’m more focused on the “alive” word and how the main picture is of Carl and the whole spoilers for this season around his possible death… Which sucks. Just saying.

Next, let’s focus on the following

D&G Light Red: Walkers hate it, women can’t get enough of it

Carl Grimes is finally all grown up

How to win the war against the saviors

Stay chic in whichever year it is

First of, in case anyone is wondering, D&G stands for Dolce and Gabbana and there is no Light Red. There is, however, Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue Eau [Perfume]. The only D&G related thing in red I could come up with was Dolce & Gabbana Eau De Toilette: Natural Spray Vaporisateur [Perfume]. The fun thing about Light Blue is described as “a stunning perfume, overwhelming and irresistible like the joy of living”. D&G Eau De Toilette is described as “an intense and feminine scent for the confident woman.” Two possible nudged perfumes talking about women with one mentioning “joy of living” and the other talking about “confident women”. Let that circle in your head and tell me who that doesn’t make you think of.

The whole “Carl Grimes is finally all grown up” is a touch to the fact that Carl isn’t a kid anymore. He hasn’t technically been a kid in a long time. But Carl is no longer a twelve years old (In the comic he starts out nine and is currently thirteen) but is now going on around late fourteens/early fifteen. He’s a young man now… Which means Carl can be killed off on screen and brutally as opposed to how Sophia died as a walker, Lizzie and Mika had to be put down, and now Carl has a chance of pretty much being able to have a really fucked up death on the show because of the TV trope of how you don’t kill a child on screen. I mean yeah kids die on TV all the time and we see like vague and mortifying images of them dying. In films, I could name like twenty horrible children deaths at the top of my head. But on TV? Not so much… So Carl Grimes is old enough to be on the chopping block now.

“How to win the war against the saviors” is pretty self-explanatory – we’re in All Out War with them right now and this is obviously a nudge to the war. But… My mercy prevails over my wrath. When you let hate and rage and anger rule you, then you lose yourself and you lose your true purpose for living and you lose the purpose for why you are doing what you’re doing. Rick’s wrath is strong. It’s why he’s taking these pictures, why he had a hard time pulling back from Negan, why Father Gabriel got held back and is being held by Negan… His wrath is strong. Wrath can cloud your judgment, make you do stupid shit. Rick has done a lot of irrational shit since S5 (well he’s done that but shit got mad crazy by S5) and now he’s doing shit for the sake of basically assassination elimination. That’s going to bite his ass… Hard. And I’m pretty sure Carl is going to be the price.

“Stay chic in whichever year it is”. The word chic is an interesting word. It means “elegantly and stylishly fashionable” in the basic term… But as a whole, it has multiple meanings. Including “up-to-date” and “up-to-the-minute”. Clocks seem to be of some importance with the TD group and I myself don’t have much thought on them but they have foretold a lot of things and clocks have a lot of meaning in media so with time and date being in play with the wording, it seems to be a calling to keep watching the clocks and date related numbers maybe.

And with the wording of the magazine - Upgrade your wardrobe and stay fresh under the harshest and bloodies condition – I just wanna point out they made a typo but also… Bloodies(t) condition just gives me more hinting fear/sadness at Carl being the one to die in the MSF.

Magazine 2: Cosmopolitan

Magazine Topic

Left Side

21 moves that’ll make her say [Ungh!]

Til death do you part? Not so fast!

69 ways to pull off the swamp queen look.

Right Side

She said “grugh” to the dress

The wedding issue

The hottest mausoleum trends of the year!

How to tell if your husband’s dead on the inside

What’s your dead marriage IQ?

Exclusive! How Helmets can save your life

Under the Magazine

Just because you suffer doesn’t mean your fashion and lifestyle have to

First off, it’s a wedding issue. In season 7, Michonne and Rick had basically a wedding episode [SAY YES] and Rick stopped wearing his wedding band [letting Lori go], Weddings are associated with Churches, and Chapel by Nicole Dollanganger was the song that played after Denise’s death and it’s a song about getting married [Interesting!]

Okay, so I’ll get back to some of that in a minute because they mean something. What I just have to say now is that there are only a few things on this magazine cover that stood out to me. The rest of it is obviously playing off the zombie theme. But here’s the stuff that matters to me:

Til death do you part? Not so fast!

69 ways to pull off the swamp queen look.

The hottest mausoleum trends of the year!

How to tell if your husband’s dead on the inside

Exclusive! How Helmets can save your life

Obviously, I wanna talk about the “Til death to you part? Not so fast!”. Because, obviously, it’s a play on those that die coming back to life as walkers, but the thing that came to mind for me is of course, what you all probably think. There’s this whole centering around Beth returning. That she hasn’t died, right? Well, the saying “til death do us part” means “we’ll be together until the day we die”… But if Beth hasn’t died, then technically she hasn’t truly parted from the group. And in a sense, that’s true.

Beth lives on in small forms like Maggie’s memory or back when Daryl was trying to be good or in religion like Gabriel. Small things keep her alive in spirit, yes. But the adding of “Not so fast!” is saying “Well now hold up, just because I’m dead doesn’t mean we’re parting because I’m still here”. Maybe it’s a play on “You all thought I was dead but think again”. That’s where my mind went TD wise… Otherwise, it’s a nice little nudge to Maggie and Glenn as well and “I’ll look for you” as Glenn said and how he’s gone but he’s never gonna be forgotten by Mags and his family. And how Michonne and Rick are basically married now,

Swamp Queen makes me think of the Okefenokee Swamps that straddle the line between Georgia and Florida. Georgia makes me think of Atlanta and Georgia. Where Morales and Beth and Rick and team family are from…. But I’m also intrigued by the fact it does kind of remind me of this image:

This literally looks like a stereotypical image of the swamp living.

See what I mean? That image fits right into some stereotype swampland.

This could be a purposeful nudge to The Scavengers. It might even be talking about The Boat again. That Boat keeps being brought up… Which is interesting, because these were posted after S7 has finished so is it pointing us back to The Boat or The Scavengers? Or maybe both?

Talking about the topics, “The hottest mausoleum trends of the year!” is kind of a strange one for me to pick, right? Well to me it’s kind of strange that they’re matching hottest with a mausoleum. For those that don’t know what a mausoleum is, it’s a free-standing building that that houses tombs(s). Basically, it’s a giant grave above ground. You place a body in a casket – sometimes not even a casket – and place the body in the mausoleum or the tomb inside (which is a large vault that is typically underground and where you bury the dead). Egyptians did this. In fact, the giant pyramids of Egypt where mausoleums/tombs for the Pharaohs and their organs and belongings. The Taj Mahal in Agra is also another huge and famous one.

Now what’s interesting is the mentioning of “hottest” and the emphasis on it. A tomb/mausoleum is generally dry air – that’s why you get that dead, musky smell when you step into some – and they’re even described as damp. But I’ve never heard of a tomb being hot. That’s mostly because a mausoleum and tomb have to stay cool in order for a body to not decompose as fast. If it gets too hot in a tomb then the body can explode. It’s kinda like when you leave leftover meat in a plastic ben for a long time. If you leave it in the cool, it takes longer for the smell and rot to hit because, in the heat, anaerobic bacteria take over quicker. Obviously, cold or not, rot happens. But in the cool, meat – or a body – doesn’t decompose as fast… So being in a hot, sealed tomb would just cause quick decomposition and would leave a decaying smell sooner… Not exactly idea for something you’d want to “share” in your magazine. Fake or not.

So what does this make me think of? Car trunk. TD likes to mention the idea of Beth’s body having been left in a car or a car trunk. It’s plausible and would explain to me why we see Team Family be so damn reluctant to go near the pile-up of vehicles in TWD s05e10 [THEM]

Look at their faces… In fact, if you can, go back and watch this scene and watch their faces, their body language. They DO NOT want to go near those cars. Yes, I’m sure it’s just them being safe because who knows what they’ll find in those cars… But why have Daryl run off like that? Look how upset he looks? He’s not wanting anything to do with that and bolts.

And who do they focus on in the scene? Maggie. Maggie is the main focus. They don’t show anyone else looking through the cars. They don’t show Carl finding the music box or the group looking around. They show Maggie in this car and then they show her panicking when she shuts the walker in the car… Also why have a scene with her freaking out to get back in? That walker didn’t need to be killed. It could’ve just been left in the car. But Maggie NEEDED to get that open. Glenn had to help her. She was so frazzled and frantic that she had to get back to the walker. And then she couldn’t do the stab. It’s Glenn who does it. And we see his face. He’s crestfallen because he sees Beth to… But the fact it’s a walker that looks like Beth, in a car trunk, and Maggie and everyone are not happy to be around these cars, it just doesn’t scream normal to me. Why have her go back and get the walker out? Why put a walker that looks like Beth in a car trunk? Yes Maggie just lost her sister so maybe it’s a nudge to that. But why focus so long on it?

Read (x)

THEM is also the episode the lovely Music Box theory was born from. So there’s that to soak up if you wanna go digging like I am lol.

“How to tell if your husband’s dead on the inside”. Pretty self-explanatory on the fact of “dead inside” is talking about the state of being in a constant state of depression, lack of pleasure from activities that one usually finds enjoyable, your sleep and appetite are disturbed, and a mixture of the feeling of worthlessness, guilt, and hopelessness.

Basically dead inside is a state of not living from the inside out. You’re moving and getting up and doing what you normally do, but you’re not living in the moment and suffering from lack of joy and appetite and good moods/pleasures.

That pretty much describes Daryl Dixon at this point in the show. He’s just up and going. He’s not feeling. He’s not living. He’s just surviving. He gets up, he shoots down people that get in the way with no thought, and he keeps a constant state of hopelessness that anything is worth anything good. That’s Daryl. That can also be contributed to Morgan in a sense. He’s alive but he’s not living. He’s in a state of being like the dead. He does say “we all come back” and “we’re them” (the dead) so that’s a talk on him as well.

“Exclusive! How Helmets can save your life!”… Come on, I’m not even going to go too deep into that. gain, self-explanatory. Helmets saving a life. A helmet goes over your head. Can keep you from getting shot in the head or bashed in the head. Negan and Beth and Glenn and Abraham come to mind when I read that. Negan swings a bat down on people. Beth took a bullet to the head. Abraham and Glenn got bashed in the head. No protection for the head. Negan goes for the head. I mean come on… Also talking about a protective gear from the head is important to note too.

The text under the magazine just sounds like one of those “just because you’re suffering doesn’t mean others have to” and that’s like “there’s still hope for you” kinda thing.

Magazine 3: Better Homes and Gardens Garbage

Magazine Topic

Left Side

Get your junkyard on the up up up!

Super Tall Followers

Confusing Dialect

Gladiator Ring

Right Side

How one community mastered the art of garbage chic.

Under the Magazine

Need to spruce up your survival community? Look no further!

I don’t have as much to say about this magazine. Mostly I’m interested in the fact they focused on The Scavengers. Especially since we haven’t seen a hint of them since we saw them at the end of season 7. I also wanna point out another use of the word “Chic” in a magazine, which we have nudged at being a nudge to “up-to-date” and “up-to-the-minute”. So we will still get the scavengers to return this season (we should since Jadis is still also a threat to things and her rocky alignment with Negan is not something to brush aside and I’m pretty sure Negan still owes Jadis and the Scavengers their cut of the deal).

Also, the talk of a Gladiator Ring could be the trailer spoiler that Rick is going to be captured by the Scavengers – as evident by when we see Jadis’ Scavenger circle and what looks to be Eugene coming to negotiate with her for Negan. Negan does want Maggie, Ezekial, and Rick caught alive.

Gladiator Rings have always been heavily associated with Rome. Gladiators were slaves that were trained in combat and then armed with a sword or some kind of weapon and forced to fight to the death in the arena for entertainment. But gladiators were also people who didn’t just engage in fights for entertainment. They engaged in battle due to controversy or became a part of controversy due to petty kings or disagreements of lords. Eugene…. I’d be careful being sent into the arena, bro. You’re basically a gladiator for Negan, buddy. You are sacrificial like the gladiators were.

Maybe you all see something more with this cover?

Magazine 4: TIME

Negan is burning faces… Even the doctors!

Magazine Topic

Left Side

NEGAN

His tactics are eye-popping

Right Side

Rick’s next move: Can he free his people from the saviors?

How stressed is your doctor? Check up!

Global alcohol reserves running out: Our new apocalypse

Under the Magazine

Keep up with the latest post-apocalyptic news and trends with ease.

Hello… TIME? Isn’t that a big focus for TD? A giant word - a giant TIME - behind Negan? Come on… What?! That had to be a reason

On a funny note, I’m not a fan of TIME magazine or what it likes to post so the fact they put Negan on the cover makes me kinda laugh because of my dislike for TIME… Clever!

Anyway, the thing that also sticks out to me for this is the double mention of doctors - “Negan is burning faces… Even the doctors!” and “How stressed is your doctor? Check up!” - and the mention of bottom part reading “Keep up with the latest post-apocalyptic news and trends with ease.”

Alexandria and Hilltop are without a doctor. Kingdom is okay doctor wise. The Saviors took Dr.  Harlan Carson – the brother of Emmett Carson, the guy whose face Negan burned off, killing him in 7x11 [HOSTILES AND CALAMITIES] in front of Eugene and the Wives and everyone else. This episode focused heavily on the workings of the Sanctuary and on Eugene and his adaption to “be Negan”.

Doctors have been mentioned in 8x1 when Maggie and Jesus talked about how they would be getting their doctor back after Ezekial offered their doctor… It’s interesting how they mention a doctor with the Negan image because in the comic Harlan Carson saves Rick’s life from a stab wound that had infected blood on it… He’s also the one who saves Negan’s life in the comic after Rick tells him to and right after Rick got his leg broken… This is what causes more damage to Rick’s leg and why his limp is consistent afterward.

I’m focusing on wondering if we’re going to be getting a lot of talk with Doctors this season. It’s not like the last few doctors have turned out well these last few seasons. Pete Anderson went nuts and was put down by Rick. Denise was killed by a stray arrow meant for Daryl by Dwight. Emmett Carson had his face burned off after Dwight framed him for Sherry running off / helping her escape… It’s just interesting to have a focus on doctors. Especially if you wanna think that, back at Grady, they could’ve dragged a doctor along with them and at least had people that had some sense of medical 101, right? If you wanna make some TD out of that, it’s possible.

Another thing is the talk of the whole news and trends being easy to keep up with. The only forms of communication that we have is walkie-talkies and radio tower broadcast (as we saw with Terminus and apparently with the Saviors of their giant satellite home. So this speaks to me of the sense of having a reach out network… Which is what Negan has. He has reach. That’s how he was able to cut off Rick and Team Family in Season 6. He has a large reach. A lot of compounds under his name spread out. Which makes me think back to how Morales mentioned he was found by the Saviors after his attempt to get to Birmingham, Alabama failed. It’s still a wonder… Does Negan have reach all the way to the west of the ravished USA? This is another instance of nudging that he does have some kind of far reach network… How far is the mystery here.

Magazine 5: National Geographic

Counting down the Top 20 gladiator rings.

Magazine Topic

Left Side

The evolution of the Walker

Right Side

Under the Magazine

What’s REALLY out there in the wild? Can anything be a zombie? We’ll tell you in NatGeo, a magazine now revolving around cultures and creatures that have been affected by the global virus.

First off, we got another talk about gladiator rings and another reference to the scavengers. So we are definitely not done with them (duh, lol) and they’re probably gonna step up in the second half of the 8A (considering practically all the images for the season eight trailer have come from the first three episodes so far and we have yet to see the scavengers and the scene where Michonne is with Tara or Rick in the storage shed.

Second, the national geographic primarily contains articles about science, geography, history, and world culture. The under the magazine part explains that in the apocalypse, the magazine now focuses on the effect of the zombies on nature and life. Is it possible for a horse to become a zombie? How has nature itself adapted to the decay of human influence on it? What effect does all the rotting corpse have on the land? And how the mocking remains of society – like Grady, Hilltop, Alexandria, Saviors, and Scavengers – are changed by the change of nature and the introduction of the virus and the dead…

This makes me think of the scientific studies Milton and Jenner were doing. It makes me think of Eugene talking about a cure… It gives me Cure theory vibes. How studying the walkers and nature could lead to a cure or at least a stalling solution. A magazine that focuses on science and history – which is used in cure study; the history of the disease and then using science to combat it – is a fascinating thing to give us.

Now, granted, it is strange they’re including the Scavengers walker and nudging at them again… But perhaps something will come of that… I just find it fascinating how I got “cure theory” vibe outta this magazine.

Magazine 6: Rolling Stones

Magazine Topic

Left Side

Beth Greene

Music After Life

Right Side

Grady Memorial Hospital: Officer Dawn Lerner’s Legacy Still Married

Tupac: The Rap Icon’s Shocking Re-Emergence

100 Songs you must hear before you’re eaten

Morales’ secret podcast reviewed

Under the Magazine

The apocalypse doesn’t have to be quiet – fill it with your own soundtrack!

And now for the fascinating one. Every other magazine has included living characters or walkers. Carl, Negan, and Jadis are alive. The other two have been walker zombies. One a female walker in a dress. The other, the spiky walker from metal shop hell.

This time, we got Beth Greene herself.

Another mention of marriage is being talked about -  Grady Memorial Hospital: Officer Dawn Lerner’s Legacy Still Married - Marriage was mentioned in the Cosmopolitan Magazine. I talked about it a bit before, but this time I went digging around to look into marriage at a more blind level; meaning I went in like I didn’t know what a marriage was and what are some things around marriage that I may have never noticed or heard about… Which was actually a bit tricky since all that kept coming up was “how to keep your marriage alive” and “tips for newlyweds” and stuff like that… But hey, why not look at those and see what’s up as well?

I’m not going to go way too long with this, but digging around in the history of marriage I found that “marriage is a truly ancient institution that predates recorded history. But early marriage was seen as a strategic alliance between families, with the youngsters often having no say in the matter. In some cultures, parents even married one child to the spirit of a deceased child in order to strengthen familial bonds…” (x) Rick tried to bond the Grady folks with Team Family after Beth is shot down. But there was no connection for Grady to use to connect them. Noah didn’t know Team Family, he was just along for the ride after Beth helped him out. Maggie and Daryl bonded – sadly – over Beth in the barn after the fight to keep the barn door closed against walkers. An older sister bonding with a younger brother.

That one kind of stuck out to me for the reason of connecting people. Some TDers believe Beth is with The Scavengers or she’s with The Saviors. One group is run by Jadis and the other by Negan. Beth being able to rally either side – even if it’s just a chunk of them – would give TF vast numbers against Negan… Even bringing in Grady residents would add to the numbers and would help with an expansion (like expanding land agreements, another reason marriage happened).

For fun, here are some superstitions that can be Bethyl centered for the shippers (These are for fun more than anything)

The groom carries the bride across the threshold to bravely protect her from evil spirits lurking below. (Moving too slow, Greene)

Ancient Romans studied pig entrails to determine the luckiest time to marry. (Pig Feet)

Breaking Glass - In Italy, many newlyweds smash a vase or glass at their wedding, and they put a lot of muscle into it, too. The tradition says that however many pieces the glassware breaks into will symbolize how many years they’ll be happily married. (There you go, more breaking glass theory shtuff)

Knives - According to folklore, a knife signifies a broken relationship and is bad luck to give as a wedding present. If knives are on your registry, just give the gift giver a penny. That way, it’s considered a purchase. (Maybe Beth shouldn’t have gotten a knife…)

Crossing a monk or nun’s path - A bride who sees a nun or a monk on the way to her wedding is said to be cursed with a barren life dependent on charity. (Fuck, finding Gabriel before was probably a bad sign then? He’s a priest though… Does that count?!)

Ringing Bells - Bells are traditionally chimed at Irish weddings to keep evil spirits away and to ensure a harmonious family life. Some Irish brides even carry small bells in their bouquets as a reminder of their sacred wedding vows, and they are a common gift for newlyweds. (Wasn’t there some belief that they combined the scene of Andrea surviving a Savior attack in a Belltower to the scene of Beth shoving the Grady jackass cop down the elevator shaft? Eh, I forget, but I found this fascinating because my family has Irish blood and isn’t Beth Irish? Also, I was pointed to a singing bowl – a bell – being seen in multiple episodes lately so hmm.)

(Check these out here! Got a lot of links!) (x) (x) (x) (x)

Now that fun nudges aside, the thing that’s interesting is the talk of Dawn. It talks about Dawn’s Legacy still being Married…  When you talk about a legacy, the definition of legacy is “an amount of money or property left to someone in a will”, but often time the thing that comes to mind for legacy is “what is left behind by someone after they die”. Dawn was shot point blank by Daryl in the Grady hospital hallway. So she’s dead… So who is Dawn’s legacy?

Well, a legacy isn’t always someone who is blood. Sometimes a legacy is who you hand over your title too. For Dawn, she was head of the Grady Group. She ran everything, kept a system going… A system of lies and turning the other cheek and using fear and force to run everyone to do as you please. Not exactly a pretty legacy.

Who has this legacy now?

Well at the end, after Beth is shot and Daryl has killed Dawn, it’s Officer Amanda Shepard who makes a call out. She says “No, hold your fire! It’s over… It was just about her… Stand down”. She’s the one who takes the reigns, calls off the bullet flying and tries to explain that all of this was about Dawn’s choice, not theirs. She’s also the one that tells Team Family that they can stay. She offered a hand to them to have a place to stay… Although a bloody hand, seeing as Beth’s blood was spilled on their exchange.

Basically, Dawn left behind Grady to the less crazy and corrupt people. So… She basically left nothing. Maybe a plan or two that’s effective and the people still use, but… Nothing. Why make it about Dawn leaving something behind to someone who is apparently married? Most of these goofy little tabloid-like headlines have had some sense to them, but this one is just strange. Still married? I don’t believe anyone in the Grady hospital was married…  That’s a weird one.

I was mostly more fascinated by the use of marriage, but the fact it’s marriage and around Dawn and Legacy is just… Bizarre.

Moving on!

“Tupac: The Rap Icon’s Shocking Re-Emergence”… Okay, so unless you live in a completely white out world and have never listened to music or watched any musical documentaries or heard a single song, then you knoowww the story of Tupac Amura Shakur AKA 2Pac. He was a famous American actor and Rapper who was gunned down in Vegas in front of the Maxim Hotel in 1996. With him was Suge Knight, a record producer, music executive, and former football replacement player for the LA Rams. 2Pac was hit four times – twice in the chest, once in the arm, and once in the thigh – while Knight was hit in the head by bullet shrapnel. Tupac eventually died six days later in the hospital due to hemorrhaging – internal bleeding – and respiratory failure and cardiopulmonary arrest in connection with his multiple gunshot wounds.

As for Suge Knight, he was accused by an ex-detective Russell Poole of having been the one to get 2Pac killed before he could leave Knight’s label and that he helped conspire to get Biggie Smalls killed. Fellow rap artist Snoop Dogg later accused knight as well, though many discredit Snoop for his heavy working with marijuana and no evidence. Along with Knight, a rogue cop, a mortgage broker (Amir Muhammad), the chief of police, and the LAPD as a whole were also pointed at as being part of the accusation of causing 2Pac’s and Biggie’s death.

If you wanna know more about it there are a TON of documentaries and even some pretty awesome biographical films to look into.

Since his death, 2Pac has been raised to the level of Martyr - a person who is killed because of their religious or other beliefs – and in a sense, Beth kinda is that. She was gunned down for her belief against Dawn. Dawn used and hurt Beth and manipulated her for her own gain. And when Dawn demanded Noah back, she went at her. She was gunned down in her attempt – a very strange and bad attempt – to take Dawn down. And to some watchers – TD or otherwise – she has become that symbol of sacrificial lamb.

The thing about them using 2Pac that really fascinated me is that there is a conspiracy theory that 2Pac is still alive. These theories range from the belief that Surge orchestrated Tupac’s death to “he faked his own death”, “he’s hiding in Cuba”, and “he’s being harbored by the government as a witness”.

There are an amazing amount of people who STILL BELIEVE that 2Pac is alive. That he’s being hidden or that he’s tucked himself away to Cuba or that the CIA has him in some kind of hidden prison. The conspiracy theories around 2Pac are on the same level of out there as the Team Defiance/Delusional have going on. What’s interesting about that as well? Beth Greene sings and T2Pac sings, Beth was shot and Pac was shot, 2Pac died in a hospital and Beth seems to have died in a hospital, and there are still speculations on who shot Pac and also on who shot Beth. On Sep 30th, 2016 Emily was featured in the Rolling Stones website two years after her death on the show and 2Pac was featured on Rolling Stones front page a month and seventeen days after his death (not that it means anything, I just found that interesting myself).

There’s been this speculation that 2Pac was going to reemerge and many extreme theorist and fans still believe he’s coming back, which is also something extreme fans and theorist have believed with Beth three years later. It stands at attention that placing this iconic rapper’s name on Beth’s image and talking about his re-emergence – something that is a theory still held strong by a lot of people next to the moon landing being fake – is eye-catching if you take in the story behind 2Pac and the story behind Beth. They’re pretty similar in ways I would’ve never thought of if I hadn’t seen them placed together –  a singer, a gun, an unsolved murder, a supposed friend being framed for the murder, the belief of a return, and a martyr belief left behind – and it seems to similar to be more than a coincidence…

“Morales’ secret podcast reviewed” makes soooo much sense now! When Skybound posted this, S8 hadn’t even posted out the trailer. We didn’t have many clues to who was going to be on the show again… Morales was a secret on the show. The hinting of Morales in these magazines HAD to be purposefully planned out UNLESS it was just a really huge coincidence and even then, holy fuck that’s a big one because of the fact that Morales was a character THAT RICK HAD TO RE-EXPLAIN IN HIS DIALOGUE for people to recall who the fuck he was and placing him in this fake Magazine article THAT PEOPLE ARE GOING TO SEE is putting in the belief that the audience is going to know who the fuck they’re talking about. Now I personally did because I remember a lot of random shit about the show, but the majority of the viewers were like “Who the fuck is Morales” when he showed up or if they read this, I’m sure.

Morales was meant to be a nudge to the past. A nudge to Rick and Daryl’s past. Morales was a connection to Atlanta and a proof that the past can come back in startling ways. It certainly is startling for someone like Morales – a simple background character – to be shown still alive and still surviving and having made it out of Georgia to Virginia WHEN HE WAS LAST HEADING FOR ALABAMA. The magazine was a big clue. Morales was a secret to be revealed… Which is very interesting for the rest of the magazine.

Now let’s talk about the big one – the wording on Beth. “Beth Greene Music After Life.” The picture they used of Emily – I must say – is bizarre. They made Beth’s eyes SUPER blue. Like that’s what stands out the most in the photo; the big, electric-like, blue eyes. Kind of like this shot:

All the focus on the eyes. The only other person they do this much eye focus on is Rick. Otherwise they do close up of the face, but still give us the nose and mouth in the shot. This magazine cover made us focus on Beth’s eyes, which they didn’t do for Negan. With Negan we focus on the word TIME and the blurred Lucille bat; like the bat is being held in our face and becoming out of focus for us. And Negan’s eyes aren’t intensified… In fact, his image is pretty simple and dulled by all the black he wears and the black background.

Beth’s background is bright white and her eyes are bright blue and she’s covered in dirt like she needs a bath or went rolling in a dirt pile… Or a grave hole. That’s where my thoughts went when I saw her state of appearance. Beth was pretty clean looking the last time we saw her alive; Dawn and her OCD for clean and neat the reason for that. Now she’s about as dirty as she was in S3 and S4.

The wording of Beth Greene Music After Life is definitely meant to be a play on the whole “dead come back to life” thing… But Beth isn’t a walker. If Beth hadn’t been shot in the head and had been shown reanimating to life before they had to put her down or something, then yeah I’d get that wording… But Beth wasn’t a walker. She’d taken a bullet to the head… So why use that wordplay towards her?

Another thing is that including THAT KIND of title next to the 2Pac thing is like a double saying of “After life and reemerge, pay attention!” And having it also be connected to Morales’ secret podcast – the word SECRET – is also like some kind of sign from the show again.

With all this, I could probably dig down deeper into this magazine cover but I know for a fact that many others have done way more metas on this thing than I have. But maybe if you combine my stuff with their stuff you’ll see something that was missed.

I probably just repeated a whole bunch of shit you all have been hearing since TD started three years ago, but I didn’t go into this with any clear thought. It was more an “oh what does this make me think of” kind of mentality.

It was pretty fun, honestly. I still don’t know whether to believe she’s coming back or not. I can see it play out either way… But these kinds of things flying around make me see WHY TD exists and why you all think like you do.

If you wanna check out the magazines, you can see them here (x) Thanks, Skybound, for that headache!

[yuhengbeidou]

slave au in which jiang xi goes to a slave auction personally for once 1:11 PM and sees a pair of battered, bloodied blond twins in shackles 1:12 PM gege: I don't like it also gege: DEEPER!!!

1

I am in shambles please...jiang xi.......buy them 1:12 PM he wasn't going to buy them, actually he did not like this idea of slavery at all, he stopped gyy from using butterfly boned beauty for parts after all, but he was drawn by the sound of a whip and sees a pair of battered, bloodied blond twins in shackles

1:16 PM when the leather whip hit these men, they didn't cry out at all. if anything, their eyes were cold as steel, taking the whip with white knuckles silently a line of red split one of their's backs in two, and then another crisscrossed, new wounds on old scars they were dirty, their hair matted and caked with blood and dirt, and the only thing they had to cover their body was a dirty rag wrapped around their bottoms, just the bare minimum covering jiang xi thought that it was really unfortunate to be a slave, and he was about to turn away when he heard another sound. one of them had turned their back on the whip, covering the other with their body, and the whipmaster raised his whip higher, striking their face this time jiang xi decided then that he couldn't let this go on. he didn't say anything, just quietly paid the slave trader the sum it would take to buy 20 slaves, and walked away. his disciples would come and retrieve them later but before he could leave, one of them caught his eyes and held his gaze, and jiang xi felt something funny rolling in his stomach at that fierce glare from eyes so green they were like poison the bloody gash on that face kept on bleeding, the wounds on his back oozing, and he crouched protectively over what must be his brother who had already passed out from the punishment

JIANG XI HE'S...STUNNED...BY IT!!! yess yes yes forever going to remember gege;s eyes

1 1:22 PM the way home was quiet. jiang xi sat in his horse drawn carriage, going over the accounts from the day, taking a moment to pause at the large sum he paid for the slaves. he thought belatedly... how were they going to get back to gyy? and poked his head out the window. they weren't shackled anymore, but they were still led by their bound hands by a rope, trailing behind some horses, and the one who passed out earlier was barely able to keep up with the horses 1:23 PM so maybe jiang xi calls over one of his disciples and commanded him to put the slaves on a horse, "to get home faster, they are too slow" 1:25 PM . :(((((((((9 once at gyy he demands for them to be washed and dressed in the simplest but, still representative, gyy robes and given something to do in the kitchen or around the sect grounds it doesn't matter

but what if the twins are so beaten and everything + the probably long journey, didi falls sick...so sick even the elders are afraid he won't make it 1:27 PM yessssss didi falls extremely sick... they are both really dehydrated and malnourished, been beaten too many times, infections had set in... 1:28 PM

so jiang xi goes personally? to take care of him? and he's met once again with those cold, frosty green eyes and he tells gege to go take care of himself so he won't be bothersome and gege doesn't MOVE

1 1:28 PM

gfdhjskls; 1:30 PM it's true, as slaves they are probably completely illiterate and can only understand basic commands 1:30 PM

sorry?

1 1:30 PM

wah I can only hear gege going 不行不行:((( at everything

1 1:31 PM

like "won't do won't do".... "go eat!" "Won't do!" "Go sleep!" "won't do!!!" 1:31 PM it's the most useful word for him really... 1:31 PM

not until didi is awake

1 1:31 PM every time he says it, he looks as if he's expecting to be struck down, but nothing happens, and he goes from feral to wary to confusd he hovers over his brother. he can't understand much of what these people are saying, but he knows enough to tell that his brother's skin is too hot and feverish, his brother's eyes are scrunched shut as if he was in pain even in sleep, that the wounds on his brother's back are not healing and are angry and red, and every time they tried to feed his brother something, he threw it all up so when this man... who looked to be their very, very young master came over with a medicine bowl and fresh rags with a bowl of hot water, gege can only helplessly watch... but he will not leave didi's side 1:33 PM gege shaking, hunched over didi's body, refusing to let go of his hand! his tiny very thin fingers holding to didi's one so hard jiang xi thinks he might broke his brother's fingers but really, he's aware the kid can barely stand himself...he's kinda moved....

1 1:36 PM he tries to treat gege's wounds too but gege just shakes his head and point at didi and keeps saying "he, he, no me, he" and jiang xi just "is he dumb?"...but it's a full out war between the two of them, a kid and a youth...and gege wins because he doesn't let jiang xi touch him until didi's fever starts going down

1

aND HOLY FUCK HNA THEY ARE XUE MENG'S AGE JIANG XI IS SO YOUNG HE'D BE WHAT, 20+???" 1:38 PM ................. UMM YEAH SO FUCKING YOUNG WTF 22-23 at most... omg baby jiang xi

1 1:38 PM when didi's condition has stabilized for the time being, gege finally lets jiang xi clean the wounds on his face and the long gash on his face. jiang xi mutters quietly something like, "why are you so stubborn, aren't you afraid this will scar? you should have let me treat it from the start" but gege just doesn't understand... he flinches back from jiang xi when jiang xi reaches out for his face

1 but when it's clear that jiang xi wasn't going to hurt him, gege shrinks back but let him touch 1:41 PM

MY FUCKING AGE UMMM he falls asleep curled around his little brother, his wounds bandaged, and he holds onto his brother's hands, so exhausted. jiang xi looks at them a moment before drawing a blanket over them both and blows out the candle

1 1:42 PM

damn...wait I NEED TO PROCESS THIS.... 1:43 PM he asks someone to teach them mandarin but....well gege at least knows that jiang xi is good...good enough to give them a room,,,a whole room for themselves, and to magically make didi better...so gege refuses to listen to anyone but jiang xi,,,when what didi sees gege doing, didi does

1

jiang xi is exasperated he's trying to lead an entire sec on his own, he still has to study, but somehow he has two children he needs to take care of...and he does

1 1:45 PM HE STILL HAS TO STUDY lol this is from personal experience i assume

1 1:53 PM

I HATE HER I HATE 1:54 PM the gyy elders told jiang xi that he can't treat slaves like disciples, they were bought and sold, they're not really people, and jiang xi grows so livid like he would later do at the tianyin pavilion. "you think they don't bleed when you hit them? you think they don't hunger? why would you think they deserve anything less than your own children?"

well I'm 22 and still studying you were studying not so long ago jiang xi is one of us he goes through the uni struggles

1

dU ROU? IDK I DON'T REMEMBER THE NAME ASSOCIATED WITH THE POLLIA BUT WHAT IF 1:55 PM I THINK IT IS DU RUO ROU SOMETHING LIKE THAT 1:56 PM

JIANG XI!!! jiang xi teaches mhxs...medicine 1:56 PM fuuuuuuuu ok let me look up the blind dates extras 1:56 PM i will look it up and cry

gfhdjkdl 1:56 PM Pollia japonica, known in Chinese as 杜若 “du ruo”. 1:57 PM Pollia japonica, known in Chinese as 杜若 “du ruo”

PLEAAASE 1:57 PM LOOOOL ONE BRAIN CELL 1:57 PM I CHOKED

so, xing'er...du ruo...possibilities

1 1:58 PM du is a surname?? 2:02 PM and when they return for the first time in 10 years to gyy

1 2:03 PM YES DU IS A SURNAME! my old roommate's cn name was du sha and it had that du in it too ghjkdks so,,,,really it could work wow

1

and then they come back and jiang xi goes "shit THEY WERE CUTE WHAT DID HAPPEN AT KUNLUN!?!?!"

1 2:04 PM RIGHT since he's a foster son he wouldn't take jiang xi's surname... fuycking hell jiang xi adopted a kid for his surname du so he could name him ruo huh

1 2:05 PM it's yak milk. they drank a lot of yak milk at ktp 2:05 PM grew up big and strong... they are at least half a head taller than him now

1 2:05 PM

maybe he's jiang something...hmmm or maybe he has another name,, maybe jiang xi named him because he was probably an orphan or smt and didn't have a proper name....who knows? NOT US...ugh meatbun

1 2:06 PM

mhxs......teaming up on jiang xi

1 2:07 PM

... :(( 2:07 PM jiang xi can't fool them... they know him, even if he thinks he's good at hiding. they remember waking up in the middle of the night suffering from childhood fevers and finding jiang xi doing something in their room, like brewing medicine, etc. and changing the cold compresses on their heads jiang xi made sure they were "asleep" before coming in, but they were slave children who had to learn survival skills far too young and of course they heard him so now when jiang xi acts all angry toward them, they just smile privately between themselves 2:10 PM ...

I want...them...yifu..kink

1 2:11 PM

shuangmeijiang dp yifu KINK 2:12 PM OH MAYBE HE DID ADOPT THEM AFTER YELLING AT THE ELDERS HOLYYYYYYY SHIT PLEASE THIS IS WHAT WE HAVE BEEN MISSING OUT ON THE LAST SIN 2:12 PM

Asdfg YIFU?!? FUCKERY? SHUANGMEI YIFU KINK?

1 2:12 PM WITH SLAVE BACKGROUND

1 2:13 PM

the last sin pleaase as if we won't come up with something to top the eyeless kid one day

1 2:13 PM

I can feel the fandom shuddering in fear and they don't even know WHY

something beautiful~

1 2:16 PM jiang xi walks in on them in a gyy hot spring and they are doing something definitely not brotherly

1 they kept their distance from him since they got back, probably out of respect for him since he's been so testy, but this time when they see him from far away, they make eye contact and smile at him and jiang xi runs of course 2:17 PM

this is your child this au is yours raise it well just like xing'er was <3

1 2:19 PM the way i keep straying further from the light 2:19 PM

jiang xi "holy fuck are they fucking crazy?!!?"

1 2:19 PM i started out writing RANWAN OK

1 2:19 PM I satrted out with yifu fuckery~

1

I'm coming back full circle idk

1 2:20 PM ranwan is so tame compared to half the shit this DM box has seen

1 2:20 PM

jiang xi wants to have a TALK with them okay?? but then he opens his mouth and nothing comes out oh, didi has a ready retort for that... "yifu, you have to open wider if you think--" and gege immediately slaps him because he still has SOME shame

1 2:21 PM that poor child with his mother as didi i just can't

1 2:21 PM when...when you...put it like that....."didi his mother"...it really...poor child oh god

1 wait I...have more...hcs this is really funny

1

please shuandmeijiagn dp!!!! they's...drop hitns

1

and all that they'd drive jiang xi crazy! be gentle, all filial piety, the perfect sons, then they make a 180 degrees turn and they look at him like they want to EAT HIM

1 2:27 PM I"M FUCKING CRYING THAT WHOLE CONVERSATION IS HILARIOUS BROHTERLY UNFREEZING 2:29 PM

and now we jumped to cockwarming

1 2:29 PM slowly unthawing that frozen dick well, can you blame shuangmei if jiang xi never felt like a "yifu" to them? they see him as their benefactor who rescued them and saved their lives literally, but he never took care of their day to day need, he kept his distance, he sent them away for training elsewhere... and when they came back, he still looked exactly the same as he did when they were kids now they even look a little older than him probably 2:34 PM mmmhm what if, he takes them to a medicine lesson? because no matter what, it would bring shame to gyy if they didn't know shit...and maybe didi is careless (or is he) and touches something slightly poisonous or something? and jiang xi's right there, so fast, to take care of him

1

and then gege cuts himself and jiang xi's going crazy like can't you be serious for once??,,,and then they are serious for once but jiang xi feels bad...as if he commanded them,,,as if he threatened them </3

1 2:37 PM

he goes to ...say sorry or something later in the day and finds gege kissing didi's fingers where some wounds from the poison still have to heal and he's so tender while doing so "why did you do that hanxue?" "can you blame me, for wanting his affection once again? when that was the only good thing that ever happened to me gege??"

1 2:38 PM I need to process I NEED TO PROCESS NOT @ THEM HURTING THEMSELVES ON PURPOSE TO GET HIS MEDICAL ATTENTION AND THEN KISSING EACH OTHER'S FINGERS 2:45 PM Start a new message

didi goes into a narrative flashback we love this. "when i was young... when he first brought us back, i woke up several times, you know. i saw you there next to me, and you probably passed out. he was there too, and i don't htink he noticed i was awake. he seemed so tired, and i was confused... i didn't nkow what was going on "but then i think he heard me moving, so i closed my eyes again. and it is a little blurry, but i think i remember how gentle his fingers felt on my head, just stroking my hair back... gege, the way mother used to stroke our hair, do you remember?" wow i'm tearing up a little

slave babies "it was only for a moment, but i just knew things would be ok from then on... this person wouldn't let us come to harm anymore. gege, you kept taking whippings for me, how much longer could you have gone on for?" 2:49 PM "i was so grateful... that you wouldn't be hurt anymore, that he would protect us, protect you... even now i still see the old scars on your back... gege, what's a little poisoning now if i can get him to look at me like that again?" 2:50 PM jiang xi listens to all of this and feels like he's dangerously close to a heart attack. his face feels flushed, his chest feels tight, he needs to sit down... he drops his pipe, it clatters, and twin eyes turn on him 2:59 PM

the pin him down like a needle pinning a butterfly and he feels as if he's struggling for his last breath but he's simply just not moving, standing there in the doorway like a dumbass

1 3:01 PM

the twins go "yifu" at him....and jiang xi starts shaking because...he never had ulterior intentions, he simply wanted them to be free of that hell, to grow up to their full potential

1 3:02 PM when gege says it, his voice is low, tinged with warmth that doesn't normally exist... it's such a change, the low octave dropping straight to jiang xi's crotch

1 3:03 PM

but there he is, with them chasing after his affection, with them seeing through him as if he were a shard of spotless glass and jiang xi's just....looking at them...partially because he has no idea what to say? mostly because he simply wants them to make the first move and depending on it...he'll react

1 3:03 PM

OHOHOHO YIFU KINK BLOOMING

1 3:03 PM maybe gege takes on didi's fingers into his mouth and start sucking at the places that haven't quite healed yet, looking at jiang xi the whole time and didi tilts his head back, eyes half lidded, hair long and loose hitting the mattress and didi says, "yifu... i don't think gege is doing a great job at getting the poison out... it hurts" and jiang xi swallows hard and has to hold onto the wall to steady himself. 3:05 PM Start a new message Jiang xi is.... Going through a LOT POOR MAN he hears those words and. His heart hurts.. "that's nonsense!",,, but he doesn't go away but neither does he approaches them and gege takes that as an invitation to test the waters as in... Just how far can he go before jiang xi curses them and leaves He takes three fingers wholly in his mouth, closes his eyes and sucks on them the way he sucks didi's cock.. Meanwhile didi is stroking gege's hair while looking straight at jiang xi Gege starts kissing his hand, wrist, up his arm, over a suddenly exposed jade shoulder, he licks and sucks on didi's neck, sitting in his lap and slowly undressing him and didi keeps looking at jiang xi who's still there

1 3:25 PM

When he moans for the first time at a particularly hard bite, his eyes finally close for a moment and the image of him, head thrown back, eyes closed, eyelashes quivering, that sound so frail yet full of meaning... Jiang xi is so hard

3:26 PM oh gege he is so bold, that feral child was still in there even after all those years, just waiting for the right moment to be let out from that polite distant veneer that he adopted from jiang xi didi moans again, holding with both hands on gege's hair, and calls for jiang xi, "yifu, can you feel my forehead? i think i have a fever... ahh, gege..." jiang xi doesn't know when he started moving forward, but he does, stepping onto his pipe even and crushing it under his foot he is entranced, he comes to where they are and touches each of them, one hand on each shoulder, just slowly trying to stabilize himself again didi is undressed down to his waist, and jiang xi's fingers slowly trail down his arm, swallowing hard and still uncertain didi tilts his head toward jiang xi like a sunflower and presses his face into jiang xi's hand, nuzzling it, kissing his wrist, "yifu, please..." and jiang xi has a lot of self-restraint, he does, but this is impossible 3:3 His hands tremble as strokes didi's cheek and then he leans forward and he kisses didi's forehead... There's a muffled snort from gege against didi's neck, and a soft sigh of surprise from didi "it is.... Burning a little" jiang xi mutters against didi's forehead the his lips move, down over the arch of one soft and pale eyebrow, over the hollow of a temple, following the line of a sharp cheekbone... His nose bumps didi's and they look at eacj other... Green eyes and apricot shaped brown.. And didi tilts his head up and kisses jiang xj

1 3:36 PM It's chaste and soft yet it leaves jiang xi breathless worse than anything eleven and when didi pulls away, jiang xi barely has time to breathe before gege tilts this head "I am burning too" he says before he kisses jiang xi too

1 He's a little more powerful than didi but still mindful of jiang xi and meanwhile, didi who was used as a honey trap leaches onto jiang xi's neck

1

"let me show yifu what gege just did to me"

1 3:38 PM yifu has no choice but to let his disobedient foster sons do what they want to him... they pull him between them, one unfastening the silk sash at his waist, the other brushing his hair to one side, exposing a long line of neck and starts mouthing the column, the shoulders, lips soft and firm at once, a little teeth nipping until jiang xi starts to breathe more heavily 3:41 PM "yifu, is this good?" didi asks, and that was very polite of him because down there, gege already got the sash untied, started to unfold jiang xi's robes and finding a hard bulge between his legs... gege rubs on it with his cheek, pushing aside jiang xi's knees to kneel in between "yifu has been so good to us," gege says, watching jiang xi shudder. "we have been so ungrateful to you."

1 3:43 PM "ungrateful how?" jiang xi manages to say, concentrating on every word. didi takes a deep inhale behind him, the tip of didi's nose against the back of his neck, tickling him. "we never showed you the care and respect you deserve," didi says, and it is a surprise to hear that voice from right behind him. "gege... won't you show yifu what you had in mind?"

Gege goes straight to work!!! He kisses jiang xi's thighs, bites them, muzzled in the dip o his hipbone, so close to where Jiang xi is hard and leaking, yet taking his sweet time to get to it,,, jiang xi squirms a little and didi kisses his cheeks, glues his own one to jiang xi's and looks down at gege "ge, don't be like that, show yifu how good you are alright??" and gege finally, finally lick jiang xi's cock from root to the tip and then takes it in his mouth and jiang xi's moaning, eyes closed and head thrown on didi's shoulder Fire 1 3:49 PM Didi would play with the dark hair down jiang xi's navel, his fingers bumping against gege's lips from time to time "is he good yifu? Is gege treating you well? Do you need anything else? After all, I'm here too and all yours" Fire 1 3:50 PM oh didi he is really irresistible... jiang xi can't say much, he's too busy having his brain sucked out through his cock, he has no idea where gege learned this kind of cultivation technique because he certainly did not teach it to them... he throws his head back onto didi's shoulder and didi takes that as invitation to slip jiang xi's robe off his shoulder and starts pinching both of his nipples making a lewd comment like... oh yifu, how pink and tight they are, how exquisite, like the buds of... hmm, plum blossoms 

[dadvans]

episode one :: Yuuri Katsuki is the most beautiful disaster that Victor has ever met in his entire life, and Victor has built his empire on beautiful disasters.

Victor isn’t sure he knows what he’s doing anymore by the time casting rolls around for season 22 of The Bachelor.  Okay, he knows what he’s doing, but it’s all autopilot.  He’s got a dossier of Chip Vanderbones and Tad Hardbeefs to look at, but is almost resigned enough to just give into Lilia and Yakov’s suggestion to cast Georgi Popovich, notorious histrionic Bachelorette season 10 runner-up, as this season’s lead out of sheer notgivingafuckness.  At this point Victor isn’t even sure whether he really wants to be in this game at all anymore, but what the hell else he would do besides sleep for a thousand years if he retired before thirty?  

And then Phichit Chulanont comes into his office to distract him during a conference call with Yakov to tell him a story about his friend who just crashed and burned at the Figure Skating Grand Prix Finals, and everything click click clicks into place: redemption narrative.  Twenty young men are going for the gold, but only one can win the heart of Yuuri Katsuki-- he can hear the promos, see the character arcs unfold, and the narratives rush through him like they’ve always lived inside him and it feels--exciting.  

“Phichit,” Victor says suddenly, interrupting Phichit and grabbing him from across his desk.  “We have to get him.  He’s our next bachelor.”

“Oh my God,” Phichit replies, eyes widening, and then again, “Oh my God.”

“Do you think you could get him?” Victor asks.  He’s seeing figure skating dates, thematic destination shoots in Chile and Finland and Iceland, “The Bachelor: Love on Ice” title screen flashing over two champagne glasses on the lip of an outdoor hot tub.  

“Do I think I can get him,” Phichit repeats dismissively, looking the closest to offended that Victor has ever seen him.  “What do you think you hired me for, Nikiforov.”

Yuuri Katsuki is the most beautiful disaster that Victor has ever met in his entire life, and Victor has built his empire on beautiful disasters.  They don’t meet well into production, when Victor has already cast two dozen men as potential suitors based off of intel that Phichit’s given him and a handful of Youtube videos that Victor’s watched; half of Yuuri’s videos are fall compilations where he well and truly bites it, while the other half is divided between Yuuri surprising himself by making it to the top of several prestigious podiums, and bizarre, over-produced Japanese commercials for--well, Victor’s not quite sure what any of them are for.  He assumes that if someone convinced Yuuri to do half of the things he’s done in Japanese commercials, they’re in for a wild fucking season. 

But then two weeks before shooting he hears back from some of the production team saying things like Yuuri’s thirty pounds overweight, and they’re going to need to bring in a nutritionist and physical trainer and move the beach volleyball tournament from week two to week four just in case, and put a ban on pool parties lest Yuuri be caught on camera shirtless without looking like he was tenderly carved by Michelangelo himself.  It’s Hollywood, and Victor is sure they’re exaggerating, but he spent three weeks giving himself coffee enemas on a diet of chickpea juice and maple syrup when he interned at E!, so he’s at best sympathetic.

The week filming begins he gets another desperate call.  This time it’s from Mila and Sara--his story production A Team, for God’s sake--telling him they can’t get Yuuri to talk about anything but figure skating and how excited he is for the new Crash Bandicoot release.  

“He said his goals for the show were to ‘have fun, I guess,’” Mila says.  “Then Sara asked him about his family and he started crying about his dog.  Crying.  He had to spend another hour in make up, and then when we went to get some shots of him on the ice, he did a jump and--what was it?--he overturned, lost his footing, and crashed face first into a barrier.  He had to spend another hour in make-up, and we’re lucky he doesn’t have a broken nose.”

“Send me the dailies before you send them to Yakov,” Victor tells her.  His heart is racing in a way it hasn’t since his early years in the belly of a VH1 dating show beast.  “Send him a corrupted file instead, and act like it’s a mistake.  Blame it on a PA.  It’ll buy us a little time.  Is Phichit with you?”                        

“Yeah,” she says.  

“Have him conduct the rest of the interviews today with Yuuri--they’re friends, he’ll be able to get Yuuri to talk.  I’ll have someone pull up whatever we can from NHK or TV Asahi to complete his introduction reel to emphasize that he’s trying to recover after his fall from greatness, or whatever.”

“You’re a genius,” Mila says.

“I know,” Victor says.  “Get Phichit on the phone with me after he’s done.”

The conversation he has with Phichit is a lot less nice than the one he has with Mila.  It’s what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck for the first five minutes.    

“He just needs time to warm up,” Phichit says, like this isn’t a big fucking deal, like this isn’t a multi-million dollar franchise and a lot of jobs and the American Faith in True Love on the line.  “I’ve got this.”

Phichit does not got this.

“Tell Mr. Nikiforov what you told me, Yuuri,” Celestino Cialdini, the Bachelor’s long-suffering host says, ushering Victor over to the doorsteps of the Agoura Hills home, where Yuuri Katsuki stands looking lost in a tuxedo while several limousines idle in the roundabout driveway.

“I didn’t realize this was a dating show,” Yuuri says apologetically, balling some cheap tie he snuck past the wardrobe department in his hands.  “I said, ‘The Bachelor? What is that?’ and Phichit explained, you know, it was like a lot of bachelors all living together, and I just thought--”

Victor is going to murder Phichit.  Victor is going to send Phichit to Vice with a glowing review where he’ll be doing undercover documentary work from Siberian gulags until he’s eighty.  

“Did you not read the contract?” Victor asks as soon as he recovers from being temporarily stunned into silence.  

“I mean, it seemed pretty straightforward the way Phichit explained it,” Yuuri says.  He looks like he might cry.  Someone in wardrobe told Victor that Yuuri had little experience wearing contacts as they had huddled together over measurements and reels of screen test footage trying to figure out how to maximize his sex appeal, and his eyes look irritated already from an hour’s wear.

“Yuuri,” Victor says again emphatically, “did you not read the contract?”

Yuuri meaningfully stares over Victor’s shoulder into the distant darkness of the Los Angeles hills and does not answer.

“Oh my God,” Victor says.  He’s going to be fired.  Everyone is going to be fired forever.  This can’t be happening.  

“I mean,” Yuuri says, and he sounds so shy that it makes something desperately protective and painful solidify in Victor’s chest, the same ugly feeling he gets watching Sarah McLachlan animal rights commercials or seeing unwanted furniture on street corners. “I mean, you can just eliminate me in the first round, right?  It’s an easy fix, it’ll be fine.”

Victor buries his face in his hand briefly, saying an internal prayer to whatever entertainment Gods or deities that happen to be listening.  When he regains his composure--something, as a professional, he has not lost in a very long time--he says in the calmest manner possible, “Yuuri.  It’s called ‘The Bachelor.’  Because everyone is competing for the love of one man: The Bachelor.  You’re The Bachelor.”

“What the fuck,” Yuuri says.  He gropes to his right for the marble column marking the entrance of the mansion and slides down to the tasteful caramel and tan brick stairs.  “Why--why would anyone--why?  I--oh my God--I need a drink.”

Thankfully, alcohol is something they have no shortage of on set.

They don’t start filming until four hours and several bottles of cheap champagne later.  Yuuri is impressively still upright by the time Celestino squeezes his arm and walks off-camera to allow the first contestant to step out of the limo and into Yuuri’s positively shithammered arms.  

This could turn out better than Victor thought.  They might not get sued, something he’s going to have a long and vicious talk with Phichit about when Phichit eventually escapes whatever limo he’s been supervising for the past few hours.  He taps a finger to his mouth and watches Christophe Giacometti (25, Luxury Real Estate Agent) exit the first car and take a few long steps up to greet Yuuri with a hug.

Victor likes to think he has an eye for interesting people and beautiful people, and Christophe is definitely both.  Christophe is handsome, and funny, clever without being overbearingly intelligent, and he could seduce the legs off a chair.  Victor asked him to do the show personally after they met when Christophe sold him his condo in Santa Monica; Christophe blew him in the shower and took him out for sandwiches at Wexler’s afterwards, where they scrolled through men on Grindr together with the same disdain reserved for flipping through their mothers’ old Sears Roebucks until Victor was begging him to do the show.

“As a real estate agent, I’m always looking for a place to settle down,” Christophe says, kissing Yuuri’s hand. “I think I might have found the right place.”

“Well, apparently I’m looking for a dick to settle down on,” Yuuri slurs. “You also seem nice.”

The entire set goes unsettlingly quiet, save someone coughing.  However many seconds of silence follow, they feel like hours.  They feel like days.

And then Christophe starts laughing.  He starts laughing so hard he starts crying, and he wraps his arms around Yuuri and pulls him in for a genuine hug.  “I’m sorry, just--Holy shit,” he says, his entire body heaving with laughs-sobs, “you’re incredible.  I like you.  Let’s continue this inside.”

Victor doesn’t realize he’s holding his breath until he exhales, watching Christophe turn into the mansion still shaking.  A few other members of the crew are nervously giggling, as if they aren’t sure they’re allowed.  Yuuri stretches, arms overhead like he’s shedding his skin as he rocks his hips forward and lets one tail of his shirt slip out from his waistband.  Unflinching, he calls out, “get me my next man!”

Victor is going to give Phichit a raise.  Victor is going to give Phichit twenty-thousand-million raises.  This is going to be the greatest season of Victor’s life.  

Minami Kenjirou (21, Disney on Ice figure skater) shows up wearing a costume Yuuri had worn during his years skating Juniors.

“My dark past,” he says, almost diving behind a well-maintained shrubbery.  

“You don’t have a dark past,” Minami tells him earnestly.  “Otherwise it wouldn’t go for over a thousand dollars on Ebay.”

Jean-Jacques Leroy (23, aspiring model) is the last to exit his limo, and he takes Yuuri’s limp fish hands into his own when he gets to him and whispers, “Je suis ici pour ton baiser et baiser, mon délicieux petit rouleau californien.”

“Uh,” Yuuri says, looking at their hands awkwardly entwined, then up at Jean-Jacques. “That’s not Japanese.”

Jean-Jacques laughs uncomfortably, looking around at the production crew who have tamped down their personal amusement as the cameras have continued to roll.  “Uh?” he asks, squeezing Yuuri’s hands in his own uncomfortably.  “No, it’s French.”

Yuuri continues to stare at him expectantly and says nothing.

“The language of love?” Jean-Jacques offers, and Yuuri continues to quietly stare.  “Because I’m from Quebec.  I’m JJ.”

“Sure,” Yuuri says, and squeezes back, before turning away to greet the next contestant.

Otabek Altin (25, DJ) isn’t in one of the limos, and pulls up on a motorcycle instead.  He gives Yuuri a teddy bear.  

“Do you want to date me or not,” he says, does not ask.  Yuuri, glassy-eyed, just nods.

Traditionally on the Bachelor, as soon as the introductions have been made the Bachelor himself goes inside, mingles, drinks with the other singles, and eventually there is a rose ceremony to pick the suitors that stood out from the pack to participate for the rest of the season.

Yuuri is already out of his shirt and very rapidly losing his pants as he shouts that whoever can beat him in a dance-off will get the first impression rose.  

There is a lot of skin and very little talking.  Usually by this time, Victor is trying to coordinate a contestant breakdown by the outdoor pool, the mist rolling off adding another layer of dramatic tension.  Yuuri bypasses that by pole dancing with three different men, jumping in the pool with five, and giving one of the riggers a lapdance while everyone else cheers him on.  

“Look: no one deserves that rose,” Yuuri says later, upstairs in the soundproof comfort of the at home office-turned-confessional. He’s running a hand through his wet hair, microphone pack barely still taped to his back, the mic itself clipped onto the tie he’s refashioned as a crown.  “Did they even try?  I won that dance-off.  Me.  I should give the rose to myself.  Maybe this whole journey is about like, learning to love myself.”

Phichit’s voice echoes from off-camera, “Yuuri, you have to give the rose to someone.”

“Phichit--”

“You can’t say my name, Yuuri,” Phichit reminds him.

“Phichit,” Yuuri says anyway, and he stumbles forward and almost knocks the tripod over.  “I can do whatever I want.  I’m The Bachelor.  I’m giving myself the roses.  I’m riding off into the sunset with myself.”

“Yuuri, legally you have to choose at least twelve men to stay,” Phichit reminds him.

“Can I choose--what, what’s his name--Nikiforov.  Phichit, have you seen him?”

“Yes,” Phichit replies, “he’s my boss.”

“Tell him he gets a rose.”

“No, Yuuri.”

Victor drives Yuuri back to his hotel--he doesn’t know why he drives Yuuri back, because it’s far out of his job description and pay grade.  He lies to himself and says there’s an element of guilt at play.  Yuuri shouldn’t be plied with a champagne-soaked cattle prod into a house of twenty men and told to dance for the entertainment of ten million Americans, even if he did manage to fuck up so royally as to get himself in this position.  

Underneath that lie is the truth that Victor finds Yuuri interesting and exciting in a way that he’s been yearning for in a long time.  Yuuri is funny in a mean way, completely unpredictable, and even when he’s belligerently blackout drunk, he moves sharp and delicate like a hurricane of shattered glass.  He’s the kind of car crash that Victor can’t look away from, and when Victor starts to think about the narratives he’s going to weave together and the storylines he’s going to promote about Yuuri falling in love, he can’t help but feel a pang of selfishness-- this is a person he wants to keep to himself and dissect, curl his fingers inside of and know every button.  This is a person he doesn’t want to let go of.

Yuuri regains some sort of lucidity as Victor lets his car idle in the hotel roundabout.  “Hi,” he says.  He has drool crusted down his cheek.  

“Hi,” Victor says, feeling sixteen years old.  “Good morning.”

“Is it morning?” Yuuri asks, glancing around blearily.  He moves slowly and stops suddenly, nausea rolling over his features. “Oh my God.”

“It’s almost four in the morning, yeah.  Call time is supposed to be at ten, but we’re going to push it back to one.  Half of our staff had to call an Uber, because you insisted everyone down to the PA’s and cameramen do shots with you.  Celestino had to call an Uber.”

“Oh my God,” Yuuri says again, drawn out and raspy.  He paws at his own eyes, closed.  “How bad was I?”

“You were,” Victor says, stops himself, because he doesn’t want to say the hottest mess I’ve ever seen out loud.  “You were full of surprises.  I don’t think anyone really saw tonight playing out the way it did.”

Yuuri just lets out a long, throaty groan.  “I had to have Phichit talk me down from trying to give you a rose.”

“What?” Victor chokes out.

“You are very nice and attractive,” Yuuri says frankly, a half second before it seems to register with him that he’s talking out loud, and he groans again.  “I’m sorry.  I’m still really, really drunk.”

“Go to bed, Yuuri,” Victor says, before he can say something worse.  Before he can offer to help Yuuri up to his room, or withdraw all the money from his bank account and buy two one-way tickets to somewhere half-way around the world where no one could ever find them, and Victor could pull Yuuri apart in private, thread by thread.  “I’ll have a team come by to get you in the morning.”

Yuuri nods, paws at the side of the door to let himself out.  “Could that team possibly bring some Tylenol with them?  And a Gatorade?”

“This is Hollywood, Yuuri,” Victor says seriously.  “You’re getting Vicodin and a Bloody Mary in a thermos.”

“Oh, thank God,” Yuuri says, and the sincerity with which he does so makes Victor laugh.  “Thank you, Victor.  For everything.”

“Good night, Yuuri,” Victor says, and Yuuri takes that as his cue to step out of the car and slowly stumble toward the hotel.  Victor watches him go through the automatic doors and be intercepted by a bellhop, who seems to lead him over to the elevators.  

The sun is halfway up by the time he gets home.    

[detective-rysposito-blog]

tough little boys

5 times Kevin Ryan never cried and 1 time he did. (ao3)

1.

Kevin knew it was stupid. He knew it was stupid before he was in danger. He knew it was stupid the second that Aiden suggested the idea.

But he was just a kid. Kids were allowed to do stupid things so they could laugh about it years later and say, "What did I know? I was a dumb kid!"

In his apartment, playing on the fire escape was forbidden. His Ma always told him that a fall from 8 stories high would kill him. Or leave him wishing it did. So he never stepped foot on their fire escape at home.

But Aiden's was only a story high. And the railings made the perfect track for their racecars. It should have been perfectly safe for him and Aiden to race their cars for a few minutes, comes inside eat dinner and then he would head back home. His ma would never even know.

So they played around for a few minutes and nothing went wrong. Kevin took this as a sign that if nothing bad had happened yet, nothing would ever happen.

Again, he was a pretty dumb kid.

"Aiden," he said to his friend. "You wanna race our cars down the steps? Winner gets the bigger piece of cake."

Aiden grinned right back and nodded his head. Both little boys grabbed their cars and started to climb up the stairs that would eventually lead to the upstairs neighbor's escape. They stopped halfway and placed their cars on opposite railings.

"Ready," Kevin started.

"Set," Aiden said next.

"Go!" Both boys exclaimed at once. And they let go of their cars.

Unfortunately, the cars didn't want to stay on the track. After a second, Kevin noticed his car was bound to fall off and would crash to the ground below. So he ran down the stairs to catch it before it fell.

His car fell before Kevin was even close to reaching it but Kevin wasn't worried about that. He was more worried about himself after his foot tripped on one of the stairs and went flying over the side of the fire escape.

He tried to grab at the railing but his arms were too short. He screamed out for Aiden to help but his friend's arms were just as little and no matter how far he stretched, he couldn't reach. "Kevin!" He screeched loudly.

A second later, Kevin smacked hard into the metal top of a dumpster. The first thing he noticed was a roar of pain from the arm he landed on. It hurt more than anything Kevin had ever felt before. Even more than the time Kevin needed stitches after jumping on his bed and falling into the corner of his dresser.

All the screaming caught the attention of Aiden's mother and she rushed out the window yelling her son's name. She grabbed him by the shoulders when he was practically leaning over the edge. She pushed him back and then looked down at Kevin.

"Kevin!" She sounded frantic. "It's okay, baby, I'm coming!" She was immediately climbing down the steep stairs and rushing to his aid. She jumped onto the dumpster and pulled him into her arms.

She was cradling him and whispering softly that it was going to be okay.

But he wasn't crying. It was only a little bit of pain that he could handle. If his dad had been here, he'd say, "You're still breathing, boy. Stand up and walk it off!"

Crying wouldn't take away any of the pain.

So he held his arm close to his chest, trying not to look at how it was bent at a weird angle. Aiden's mom never let go of him, crying steadily, until they reached the hospital.

His dad was there by the time the doctor had fit him for a cast. It was a dark blue and looked pretty cool. When he went back to school, he could show all of his friends and show them how he'd fallen off the fire escape and lived to tell the tale.

"I heard you were playing on the escape," his father said, looking his son up and down.

Kevin frowned and shrunk his shoulders. "Sorry, Da."

His father sat down on the hospital bed and said, "Maybe next time you'll listen to your mother, huh?"

Kevin nodded his head quietly, knowing he had disappointed his dad. He looked back up at him and whispered, "I won't do it again."

His father pulled him into a one-armed hug and rubbed his good arm. "We all gotta learn our lessons somehow, son." He pulled away and looked down at him. "Besides, I heard you didn't even shed one tear."

Kevin shook his head and watched his father smile.

"That's my boy." He ruffled his hair. "I didn't raise a little baby. My son is a man, as tough as they come."

Kevin found himself smiling, not sure why his dad was proud that he hadn't cried. He didn't want to point out that he technically wasn't a man. He was only 8 years old.

"Are you proud of me, Da?" Kevin asked in a small voice.

"'Course I am, Kev. I don't know many boys that could take a fall like that without crying even a bit."

"But I didn't," Kevin insisted proudly. If only he'd always known how easy it was to please his father.

"No, you didn't. Men don't cry."

2.

"Hey, fag, I'm talking to you!"

Kevin paid no attention to Jason as he continued down the hall. There were enough kids walking to their classes that he could hopefully get lost in the crowd.

But before he could make it, there was a hand grabbing his shoulder roughly. He was spun around to face his brute of a bully. Jason had chosen to pick on Kevin exclusively after he stopped him from shoving a tiny freshman into a garbage can last month.

"When I'm talkin' to you, don't fucking walk away from me," Jason snarled, grabbing the collar of Kevin's sweater and pulling him close.

Kevin rolled his eyes. Typical bully. Using his bigger body and foul language to try and seem tough.

"You think you're such a tough guy, huh?" Jason shook him slightly. "Maybe we need to take another visit to the dumpster again."

"There's a clogged toilet up on the second floor with his name on it," Daniel, one of Jason's little friends, piped in.

Jason smirked and said, "I think that's exactly what he needs."

Then Jason was gripping one arm tightly and Daniel had the other. Kevin struggled to get out of their grip, hoping someone would notice and help him. But either they didn't see or they learned from Kevin's mistake and knew not to get between Jason and one of beatings.

As they ascended the stairs, Kevin tried to make himself a dead weight between the two. But they were both on the Varsity Wrestling team. They easily lifted him so his feet dragged on the floor.

When they were in the dirty restroom, Kevin planted his feet on the tiled floor, trying to stop them from shoving him close to the stall. "Jason, c'mon," he said between gasps of breath as he struggled. "You don't have to do this. Please."

Jason laughed above him as he shoved him to his knees in front of the toilet. He winced at the pain but continued to give Jason and Daniel a hard time. When his head got close to the bowl, he shot his hands out to grab the seat to push back.

Jason was behind him, his knees around Kevin's back to keep him from moving anymore. He paused his shoving and said, "I think I like hearing you beg. Do it again and maybe I'll stop."

Kevin took a deep breath but didn't say a word. He pushed back on Jason's grip.

Jason moved a hand into his hair and growled into his ear. "Beg or else when you go under, you won't come back up."

Kevin gritted his teeth but said, "Please let me go, Jason."

Jason paused and for a moment, Kevin thought he was going to listen. But he was just as stupid as he was as a kid and Jason only laughed louder. "Nah."

And as the rough hand in his hair went back to shoving his face dangerously close to the dirty water, Kevin realized something. No matter what Jason was doing to him, he always reacted the same way: with a laugh. He'd stare down at Kevin, laugh and then walk away.

All Jason ever really wanted was for Kevin to be humiliated and get a good laugh from it. And if Kevin continued to let Jason push him around and shove his head in pissy toilets, he'd never get rid of him.

He needed to be the one to end it.

"Fuck you, you fucking coward," he grunted with an inch left before his head was submerged underwater.

The pushing stopped immediately. "What'd you just say?"

Kevin smirked. "You heard me."

Jason whirled him around and lifted them up to their feet. Kevin didn't like being shoved against the stall wall, his feet a few inches off the ground, but it was better than swimming in pee.

"You think you're funny?" Jason slammed him against the wall.

Kevin just smiled at him, loving the way it angered Jason.

"You little pussy, I'm gonna kill you." He threw Kevin out of the stall and he crashed into the bathroom wall. Jason stalked over to him and leaned over him. "Daniel, shut the fucking door."

As scared as Kevin was, he just kept grinning right back. He wouldn't let Jason see how he got to him. "What's wrong, Jason? You look a little upset. Did you fail another math test? I heard if you fail too many of those, you're off the wrestling--."

That's when the beating started. It started with just a few punches but the more sarcastic comments Kevin gave him, the more punches he received. He stopped after a dozen more to catch his breath.

Kevin's head fell into a suspicious looking puddle as Jason let go of his collar. Kevin felt one eye already swelling up and he spit out a wad of blood. "Is this how you get your rocks off?" Kevin asked, his voice weak. "By picking on the little guys? Hey, at least you know you can win these fights unlike when you're in the ring. So you win, is that what you want? You want to at least beat up someone without getting your ass handed right back to you?"

Jason glared down at him. "You don't know shit."

"I like to think I do know a little more than shit," Kevin replied, pushing himself up to his elbows. "Now, if you're done with your tantrum, I have a class to get to." Kevin shoved the stunned teen off him.

"Wait, you can't just walk away from me, you fucking piece of shit!" Jason yelled but he didn't make a move to get up.

"But it looks like I am." Kevin winked at him and then when Daniel went to jump him, he shoved him against the door. "Touch me and you'll be the one in the toilet."

Kevin knew he had to have looked half insane as growled at him. His face all bloody and swollen. Daniel backed away from him without a word. He grinned smugly and walked out of the bathroom, ignoring the threats from Jason about how he was really going to get it later.

The minute he was out in the hall and the door was shut behind him, he let his shoulders sag. He face was just a mess of pain. From his split lip to his swollen eye. He was going to look like Hulk Hogan's personal punching bag for the next few weeks.

But no matter how much it hurt to even blink or move his lips, he didn't let a tear fall.

And he told his dad as much when he got home. His mother didn't like to see her son beaten up so badly but his father was proud to know he didn't let the bully knock him around and make him cry.

"He's our boy, Clara. Our boy is one tough man. He can take a few punches, ain't that right, Kev?"

Kevin smiled proudly at him, his white teeth stained with his blood. "Right, Da."

As the next few years of high school passed, Kevin found himself on the wrong end of a bully's fist a plenty of times. But no matter how much it ever hurt, he took it and only gave them a grin back.

Bullies didn't have the strength to make him cry, no matter how strong they liked to show Kevin they were.

3.

Kevin heard the knock at his door but he chose to ignore it. He wasn't in the mood to speak to anyone for the rest of his stupid life.

"Kevin," his father called in after he opened the door anyway.

Kevin didn't move from his spot on his bed. He continued to stare at the wall and hope his dad left him alone. But of course, he didn't.

"What happened?" He asked, his voice low but strong.

"I broke up with Marissa," he mumbled, not turning to face his father.

"I thought you were going to ask her to prom?" His father asked, a frown evident in his voice.

"Yeah, I was. Until I found out she was seeing someone on the side." Kevin felt ashamed to even admit it to his father

"Hey, now, come on." He put a hand on his shoulder. "Girl like that ain't nothing to get upset over."

"Da, you don't understand. We were together for seven months...I thought maybe we had something special." Kevin rolled over to meet his father's eyes, hoping he wouldn't be disappointed in him. He could expect him to be upset that his son had let his girlfriend cheat on him.

"You're gonna have to suffer through a few heartbreaks before you find your one great love, kid."

"I know, but I didn't think it would hurt like this…" He trailed off, staring up at his father.

"She ain't worth crying over. None of them are, Kevin."

Kevin let his eyes fall shut.

"Don't ever cry over a girl. No matter how much you think you love her or how blue her eyes or how blonde her curls are."

"I'm not crying," Kevin sighed, knowing his father meant well but didn't really want to deal with it right now.

"I know. I'm just saying so," he said. "Sit up and call one of your friends. Go see a movie, get your mind off her."

"I just want to be left alone. Can you please go?"

"You're not going to get over her by laying on your bed, moping like a baby." He gave Kevin's arm a firm pat.

"Da," Kevin said, his voice held warning to drop it.

"Fine, I understand." His father sighed and stood up. He walked back towards the door and said hesitantly, "Kevin."

Kevin turned his head until his cheek was pressed against the pillow. "Yeah?"

"Feel better, will ya', kid," he said in a voice softer than he'd heard his dad use a while.

Kevin smiled at him. "Of course, Da, I'm as tough as they come."

4.

So apparently, Kevin wasn't only stupid as a kid but he was stupid as an adult too.

He and Esposito were only supposed to be looking into a lead and Castle thought it would be fun to tag along because this case was interesting to him.

It was only interesting because of the way the victims were killed. They were tortured in a way that usually meant a crime of passion but there was a string of random people.

Of course, Castle got himself excited over the serial killers.

The excitement died away when they came face to face with their serial killer. And they found out there was no rhyme or reason to his victims. He was just a good old fashioned case of insane.

And he'd chosen his next victim to be the youngest member of their team.

They'd been tied up for at least two hours. Castle and Esposito were well past yelling, now pleading and begging.

Kevin was taking it all. He wouldn't give this man any satisfaction.

He was dangling from the ceiling with only the chains around his wrists keeping him up. There was blood covering him from head to toe with a lot of bruises to match.

The scary part was that this man didn't want anything from them. He wouldn't stop after they told him information he needed to know or after they promised to give something he wanted.

No, he was going to town on Kevin just because he liked to inflict pain.

"Isn't this so much fun?" He cackled, dragging his bloody knuckles across Castle's cheek.

"You're stupid. You must be," Castle said, pulling away from his touch. "There's no other good explanation for hurting him like this in front of his partner. I mean, maybe if you kept yourself masked or something so he wouldn't be able to find you as easily. But you're actually showing your face and I can promise when we get out, this guy over here, the one growling, is going to kill you. He'd wrestle blindfolded with a tiger for his partner. And you're just a weak little man. No chance."

The man laughed hysterically. "Me, weak?" He shook his head. "No, no, no. Irish is the weak one. I'm doing you both a favor. Now you won't have him holding you back all the time! De nada!"

"Have you ever wondered what your insides look like because soon I'm going to be ripping them out," Esposito jerked on the chains tying him to the chair.

The man turned away from them like he hadn't even heard him. He picked up things from his pile of torture instruments and said, "Bat or torch?"

Kevin was happy he threw the torch down and stepped forward with the bat. He'd take broken bones over fire to his skin any day.

"You think he's like a piñata? Wonder if he's full of candy." He pulled the bat back and swung forward with a whoosh. It was hardly a second before the bat connected to his stomach with a sickening crunch.

Ryan gasped in pain. He probably would have yelled if the wind wasn't knocked out of him.

"Stop it, you sick fuck!" Esposito screamed, his eyes wild as they looked at him.

The only time Kevin had seen him like this was with Lockwood. While Kevin was being tortured and Esposito forced to watch.

Except for this time, at least to Kevin, was more painful.

Castle was screaming as well, his voice pained Kevin to hear since the writer was usually so strong. Esposito had trusted Kevin enough to break down a few times in front of him. But not Castle.

"S'okay, Castle," Kevin mumbled. "I'm-." He was cut off when the bat smashed his ribs once, twice, three times.

The force of the bat had him spinning in small circles and he felt close to throwing up. Maybe the next time that creep came close to him.

"You have to want something," Castle yelled. "Everyone wants something. Just tell us. I have money," he said frantically, "Lots of money. And it's all yours if you just stop hurting him."

He lowered the bat and pouted. "Aw, but where's the fun in that? Maybe if you give me enough, I'll let you pick which finger he can keep."

Esposito screamed out a few words in Spanish that he always refused to translate for Kevin.

"You're so adorable," was all he said back. Then he turned and picked up the torch he dropped minutes earlier. Kevin silently begged him to pick the bat back up.

"An' I thought I was the dumb one," Kevin mumbled, his speech slightly slurred from a probable concussion. "My par'ner is gonna kill you. Cas'le pretty scary too. I'm his shadow. Cas'le Jr." Kevin wasn't sure why he was sharing this with the crazed man but it felt like the right thing to say.

"I think your little friends just wanna see you dance." He kneeled down and started to untie his shoes. He threw them to the wall and pulled off his socks as well. Kevin kicked him in the face the moment he could.

The man fell over but came right back up looking angry. He was mumbling under his breath as he flicked on the torch, a blue flame now coming out.

"Dance, baby, dance," he sang bringing the fire closer to his foot.

There was a searing hot pain immediately but Kevin didn't move. He wouldn't give this guy want he wanted. He'd held out the entire night, he wouldn't start giving up now.

"Move your damn feet!" Esposito yelled at him in a pleading voice.

Kevin shook his head.

The pain moved from one foot to the next as the torch was moved around. The smell of burning flesh had him gagging.

"Kevin!" Now Castle was begging him to do something.

Kevin shook his head again.

"I'll get you to dance for us one way or another," he said below him. He kept the torch still, so the pain stayed in one spot and offered him no relief.

Kevin stayed still as long as possible but before long, he was jerking his foot away from the flame. And once he started, he couldn't stop.

The insane man had put the torch away and Kevin was still bending his feet against his bottom. He laughed at him again.

"Alright, alright, no more." He searched around his pocket. "Let's see what fun can come next." He pulled out a pair of pliers and grinned. Like he was playing some sort of carnival game.

He twirled them in his bloody fingers and said, "Ooh, this will be fun." He straightened up again and roughly grabbed Kevin's cheeks.

Kevin struggled but his face was already hurt enough that he couldn't fight as hard as he'd like to. The man pried open his jaw and wedged the the pliers in his mouth.

Kevin grunted and kicked his feet, desperately trying to get him away. But he was already close to unconsciousness.

"Shh, shh, it's okay, boy. It won't take long. Maybe I'll even let you keep a few." He cooed as he grabbed onto one of his teeth with the pliers.

Castle and Esposito were both screaming wildly and even Kevin was yelling at him, not caring about 'giving in' when he was seconds from getting his teeth ripped from his gum.

"1, 2, 3…" Kevin flinched, ready for even more pain but a round of bullets in the air saved him. The man crumpled to his knees in front of Kevin, holding a hand to his stomach. "Wha-?"

"NYPD!" A familiar voice screamed, sounding like an angel walking on earth. Behind Beckett, a few SWAT members came rushing in. They ran to the crumpled form of their perp.

Two men untied the knots on Castle and Esposito's wrists so they could jump to their feet and rush to Kevin. Beckett was already there, asking to see if he was okay.

Esposito grabbed his gun that had landed on the floor in their earlier scuffle and shot up at the chain attached to the ceiling. It fell down and Castle was quick to catch Ryan before he did too.

"Ow," Kevin moaned as Castle grabbed him.

"I'm sorry," Castle apologized.

Esposito turned to the man that had been torturing his partner for hours and grinned down at him. "Told you we'd win. We always do."

Before the SWAT members hauled him to his feet, Esposito pressed his feet boot to his gunshot wound, enjoying the cry of pain it elicited from the from the man.

Esposito then turned back to Ryan just as Castle was settling him on his feet. "Ow, ow, ow," he said the moment his feet touched the floor.

"Shit," Castle cursed, remembering the burns on the bottoms of Ryan's feet. He pulled Ryan up and supported most his weight.

Esposito hurried over and grabbed the other side of Ryan. Ryan breathed a little easier was they kept him suspended between them.

"Let's get you outta here, partner."

Kevin nodded his head immediately. As they were walking towards the door, Kevin spoke before he was afraid of passing out, "He was wrong."

"Hmm?" Esposito grunted as he continued to half carry Kevin.

"He was wrong 'bout me," Kevin clarified. "I'm not weak. Didn't cry once. I'm pre'y damn tough."

Esposito laughed in surprise. "Yeah, partner, you're pretty damn tough."

5.

It all started the night when Kevin got the phone call. It was past the end of their shift but the particular case they were working on needed extra hours to get finished. So the team was packed around a table sharing two pizzas.

Kevin's phone rang when he was in the middle of laughing at something Castle was saying. He pulled out his phone, saying maybe it had something to do with the case and answered it.

Javier watched as his partner listened to the voice on the other end say something that wiped the smile right off Kevin's face.

"Um, yeah, sure," Kevin said, a few long seconds later. "Can you give me the date and time?"

Esposito shoved over a paper and pen for his partner. He picked up the pen and started to scribble down words.

"And it's being held at Redden's, correct?" His pen paused briefly over the paper. He nodded and then wrote that down.

Javier frowned. The only Redden's he knew about was Redden's Funeral Home.

Kevin hung up his phone and dropped his phone on the table. He ran a tired hand through his hair and went quiet.

Javier reached out to rub his back softly. "It's, uh, my Da… he passed away this afternoon."

Javier kept an eye on him the next few days. He stayed in closer touch with Jenny than usual to see how he was doing.

He hadn't seen Kevin break down at the news yet but he could imagine it had to be coming soon.

Two days after he got the call, they had the service early in the morning. Esposito, Castle, and Beckett walked in looking for Kevin. He was sitting up front with Jenny but wasn't near the casket.

They approached him and offered him big hugs that, just like they knew he would, he held onto tightly. "Thanks for coming," he mumbled after he had gotten his three hugs.

"Of course, Kevin," Beckett said softly, rubbing his arm.

"Is your Ma around?" Castle asked.

Kevin nodded, pointing towards the collage of pictures in the front of the room. Castle and Beckett gave Kevin one more hug before they left to see his mother.

Esposito knew his partner well enough to know he didn't want to talk. So he took a seat on the other side of him and waited until Kevin needed him.

Ryan hardly moved unless family came over to offer their condolences. Some Esposito knew and others he had never seen. But they acted like they were best buds with Ryan and his family.

Esposito saw Kevin's sisters and gave them big hugs. Colleen held onto him tightly and whispered in his ear before letting go, "Please keep an eye on him, Javi."

Esposito nodded and would keep that promise. He sat by Kevin's side all night long as he remained uncharacteristically silent.

Finally, when just about everyone except for Kevin's immediate families (by blood and from the 12th) had gone, Esposito asked him quietly, "You wanna go say something before we have to leave."

Ryan hesitated but nodded his head. Esposito looked over at Jenny and she gave a short nod. He turned back to Ryan and kept a hand on his elbow as he led him to the casket.

Esposito kept an eye on Kevin's face as they got closer. His blue eyes were wide and once they saw his father, he let out a shaky breath.

Esposito squeezed his arm to show he was here and then turned to look at the elder Ryan himself. He had met the man plenty of times before. He wasn't cruel but if it weren't for the blue eyes and the same facial features, Esposito would have never guessed he was his partner's dad.

Kevin was a big ball of sunshine. He was hugs and laughs and smiles and dorky jokes and nerdy trivia and ugly ties.

Kevin's father was cold and closed off.

Esposito always knew Kevin had a mixed relationship with his father. From the stories Kevin had told him for his childhood, Esposito would have guessed that over time he would have grown to hate the man. But the hatred never came. Kevin always spoke proudly of his father.

"He looks so different," Kevin spoke for the first time that night.

Esposito wasn't sure what to say but he knew his partner appreciated physical contact as a way of comfort more than words so he kept himself pressed against his shoulder.

Kevin shut his eyes a few seconds later and started to whisper words under his breath. After a few seconds, Esposito realized he was praying.

Esposito let his partner speak softly to God and then his father before saying his own goodbyes. "We didn't talk a lot but I never got the chance to thank you for raising such an incredible man."

Kevin smiled up at him and by now, Esposito expected a few tears to fall but his eyes were dry. In a small whisper, Esposito said, "It's okay to cry, you know. He's your dad."

Kevin's smile faltered slightly and he looked down at his father. He shook his head. "Men don't cry. It's okay, it's what he would have wanted."

Esposito frowned at his partner. Kevin always went on about being "tough" in front of his dad and somehow Kevin thought the logic of that was to simply not cry.

Usually, Esposito humored him but now he couldn't let it go. If Kevin wanted to cry at his father's funeral, then he should be allowed to.

"Kev, no one's going to shun you if a few tears fall. Hell, if this were anyone else in your family, I'd be balling like a baby. No offense," he added quickly, looking down at Ryan's father.

"I just don't need to cry," Kevin said. "Not because I can't but because I just don't feel it." Placing a hand on his dad's arm, he said, "He knows I love him."

Esposito didn't say anything and Kevin patted his hand. "I'm okay, Javi. Really."

Of course, his partner was okay. No matter how much honey-milk he drank snuggling with his wife, Kevin was one tough cookie.

+1

The moment Kevin saw their red Charger pull up, he jumped into the car. "Hurry, go down this block and take a left."

Esposito, being the great partner he was, didn't ask any questions before he sped down the street. But that didn't mean he stayed silent the entire time. "Bro, what's wrong? Who are we chasing?"

Kevin was staring out the window, keeping his eyes peeled in front of him. He didn't say anything.

"Kev, seriously, is everything okay?" He stole a quick glance at him as he turned the car. "Should I be looking for something?"

"Yeah, a big yellow bus."

Esposito sputtered as he slowed down back under the speed limit. "Dude, we better not be chasing your daughter's school bus."

"Javi," Kevin said.

Esposito pulled over and turned to face him. "Don't 'Javi' me with those puppy dog eyes. You and Jenny agreed to let Sarah take the bus so something like this didn't happen."

"Please, Jen won't know. I just need to see her one last time. She's my baby girl."

Esposito rolled his eyes. "C'mon, stop being so dramatic. She's going to kindergarten, not hell."

"It'll only take a few minutes, Javi, and then we can head to work."

Esposito sighed and started the car back up. "Fine. But if your wife finds out, I'm telling her you held me hostage."

"That's fair. Now hurry up before we lose her."

Esposito drove towards the school and when they couldn't find the bus, Kevin thought they'd lost it along its route. But then, they saw a bus pulling out from a side street in front of them.

"Bus 611, that's her!" Kevin said, leaning forward.

Esposito nodded and pressed a little harder on the accelerator. They followed the bus all the way to the front of her school. It pulled up in front and Esposito pulled up just behind it, hoping no other buses would be pulling in soon.

"You have 5 minutes, Daddy," Esposito said.

Kevin nodded and jumped out the car. He watched as the toddlers all hesitantly stepped out off of the bus. He didn't run forward until he saw a familiar blonde head of hair.

A bus monitor grabbed his arm but he quickly explained himself, "My daughter. She's my daughter."

Sarah Grace heard her father's voice and her head whipped to face him. "Daddy!" She called, running out of line.

Kevin caught her in his arms and pulled her in for a hug. "Hey, SG."

"What are you doing here? Are you coming to school with me?" She asked softly.

He cupped her cheeks in his hands and said, "No, baby, I just had to say goodbye again and get another kiss."

She smiled and pecked his lips. "I'll miss you, too, Daddy."

Kevin smiled at her, feeling his eyes burn slightly. "I'm going to see you soon. Before you know it, you'll be back on the bus coming home to Mommy and Daddy."

Sarah smiled with a nod. "I know, Daddy." She paused to use her little thumbs to wipe under his eyes. "You're the one crying."

Kevin used his own hand to feel his wet cheeks. He hadn't even realized the tears had started to fall. He could practically hear his father's voice in his head. "Don't ever cry over a girl. No matter how much you think you love her or how blue her eyes or how blonde her curls are."

Kevin smiled. Oh, Da, if you ever had the chance to meet my little girl, you'd be crying over her too.

Sarah looked over his shoulder and asked, "Is that Uncle Javi?"

Kevin nodded, sniffling softly. "Yeah, we're heading to work now."

"He's gonna see you crying," she said, seriously.

Kevin gave her one more hug and said, "It's okay. Sometimes Daddy just needs to cry. I think Uncle Javi will understand."

She was happy with that answer and gave him another kiss before saying goodbye. "I have to catch up with the line. I'll see you after school. Bye, Daddy."

"See you soon, baby girl." Kevin stood up and watched her run off. She turned back before disappearing through the gates to blow him a kiss. He caught it with one hand and brought it close to his heart.

When Kevin sat back in the car, Esposito looked at him with a smirk. "Are you crying?"

He wiped at his eyes with the back of his hands. "Don't start anything, you'd be crying too if you were out there."

"Which is why I'm in here," Esposito said with a soft smile. "Now, c'mon, we'll take the long way to the precinct so Castle won't know you cried in your Cheerios this morning."

"Shut up," Kevin said, although he was smiling.

"Dude, by the way, next time, I don't suggest running into a group of kids looking like a crazy man. You're lucky that bus monitor didn't pull a knife on you. Then you'd definitely be crying."

Kevin smack his arm lightly. "Shut up, I'm not a baby."

"Nope," Esposito agreed. "You're only a baby when it comes to your baby."

"When tough little boys grow up to be dads,

they turn into big babies again..."

[fightblissfight]

Crisis of Confidence

I’m having the worst time writing. Like many of us writers, I think that my writing is shit. When this happens, I turn to fan fiction. But even now, I’m dying over this.

So here’s a snippet. I normally wouldn’t do this, but I I’m posting an unfinished piece to see what people think. This is my first attempt at a Reader narrator, and I think that’s throwing me off. Thoughts?

Seth RollinsXReader

—————-

You’re in the middle of a mixed tag team match. Your partner, Seth Rollins, currently had a choke hold on Chris Jericho. Charlotte glared at you from across the ring. You were the new number one contender to the women’s championship. The match was weeks away, but this would be the first time in months that you were paired against Charlotte. She was more than intimidating. You were determined not to let your fear show.

Jericho broke the choke hold, wiggling away from Seth quickly enough that he tagged in Charlotte. Because of the stupid rules, that meant you were in.

“You got this,” Seth said as you switched places.

You vaguely registered the fact that he was especially attractive when he was sweaty. The thought completely drifted away when you locked eyes with Charlotte.

Her smile was smug. And for good reason. You slowly circled each other. You felt like prey being stalked. The feeling didn’t sit well with you.

You attacked first.

In a blink, you were on the ground. Charlotte had the cover. You kicked out at two.

You scrambled away on your butt. You needed to focus. You needed this win.

“Get up, dammit,” Seth yelled.

You growled in general annoyance. Using the ropes as leverage, you pulled yourself to your feet.

You could do this.

You charged Charlotte, grabbing her around her middle. The crowd roared as you flipped her over your head in a suplex. You hooked her leg.

Jericho broke the cover by dragging you away by your leg. You flailed, kicking at him. Seth appeared, superkicking Jericho, who let you go as he fell.

Fuming, you started kicking Jericho’s middle.

“Whoa, whoa,” Seth grabbed you by your middle and dragged you, flailing, away from Jericho. His bare chest was slick and warm against your back. For a moment, you didn’t hate the skimpy sports bra you were wearing.

“Put me down!” You shrieked. You elbowed him in the stomach, rolling away when he dropped you. You turned on him, fuming. He was bent over, clutching his stomach. “I don’t need your help!”

When he straightened, his face was set in anger. He started to say something, but you pushed him as hard as you could. The crowd reacted with “oooh”s.

Seth barely budged. His jaw clenched as he glared at you.

Then an arm was around your middle and Charlotte pulled you into a small package. Surprised, you didn’t react in time.

One, two, three.

The bell clanged and Charlotte let you go.

You covered your face with your hands. Once more, you let your temper get the best of you.

When you opened your eyes, Seth was standing over you. His hands were clenched into fists.

“What was that?” He demanded.

You slowly climbed to your feet and ignored him. Charlotte and Jericho were already down the ramp, celebrating their victory. You watched them, angry and defeated.

“Hey, hey, hey. Y/N, I’m talking to you.” Seth’s voice suddenly came over the arena. You turned to find him with microphone in hand. “What’s wrong with you? You claim to be a fighter, huh? You’re the best thing to happening to the women’s division, huh?”

Without a microphone, you raise your chin, glaring at him the best you could.

“You’re nothing but a pain in the ass. A whiney little girl.”

Your anger boiled. You stomped over to Seth. He didn’t move when you pushed at him again. Damn his strength.

You grabbed the microphone out of his hand. “I’m a pain in the ass?! That’s rich, coming from the cockiest jerk in the company. Tell me, Seth, when was the last time you won a match when it mattered? Huh, ‘champ?’ When push comes to shove, at the end of the day, you can’t. Get. It. Up.” The crowd went crazy at that.

You dropped the mic at his feet. In your haze of hurt and anger, you made the stupid mistake of staring at him and taking a step closer. The look on his face was dangerous. You didn’t care. You weren’t going to take his brand of shit anymore.

That’s when he wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you against him. Then his mouth was on yours and your head was spinning and the crowd was roaring or was that the blood in your ears?

You kissed him back because damn if you haven’t thought about it. And like everything else, he knew what he was doing.

He broke the kiss first. His self centered smirk turned your passion back into rage.

Two can play this game.

Bracing yourself with his shoulders, you jumped up, pulling his face back down to yours as you wrapped your legs around his waist. The bastard held you as if you weighed nothing.

Then you maneuvered so your legs were at his shoulders and your head was near the ground. And you threw him in a hurricanrana.

You left him, stunned, in the middle of the ring.

Everyone stared at you backstage but no one talked to you. You stormed into the women’s locker room and punched one of the metal lockers. The wrap around your knuckles numbed the pain.

“You ok?”

You looked up. Bayley, Nia, and Sasha were in the locker room. You didn’t even know that they were still here.

“Peachy.” Your cutting tone proved that you weren’t so peachy. You swung another punch at an open locker. It slammed shut with a satisfying bang.

The door to the locker room swung open. You glared at the entrant.

Seth FREAKIN Rollins. With his bare chest and his drying hair and his god damn arms.

“Get out,” he growled, casting a glance at the three other women.

You ignored everything around you as they left. You started unwrapping your knuckles, really pulling at the tape.

“What the fuck was that?”

You continued ignoring Seth, turning your back on him. One hand was free from the tape. You worked on the other hand.

“Don’t fucking turn your back to me.” His hand on your shoulder. It took all your effort to not flip him over your shoulder. Or try, anyway. You knew he only sold that hurricanarra because it would look cool, because the audience would pop, because his reputation could take it.

That pissed you off even more.

But you let him spin you around. You slapped his hands away.

“Don’t touch me, Rollins,” you said.

He grabbed a fistful of your hair, right at the root. “You don’t talk to me like that.”

“Let. Me. Go.”

He leaned in so that his mouth was right next to your ear. His hair tickled your cheek. “Make. Me.” He whispered, his breath hot against your neck.

You snaked your fingers into his hair, scratching at his scalp as you pulled tight, and tugged at his hair. Hard.

It surprised him enough that he released his hold.

You put a good five foot distance between the two of you. He was bigger, but you fought dirty. There was a reason most of the fans hated you.

“What is your problem?” You yelled.

“My problem?” He cackled there, that infuriating cackle. “Sweetheart, you’re the one with the problem.”

“Yeah, and that problem is named Seth Rollins.”

“Please.” He oozed attitude. “I’ve seen you look at me, babe. You’re just pissy because I won’t fuck you.”

Won’t. That one word hit you in the stomach like a bullet.

Won’t.

You weren’t like most of the women in the division. You didn’t care about looking sexy or being sexy or pretty or anything. You wore pants and boots, not cute bright ones like Bayley, but dark ones. You didn’t wear skimpy tops. You wore sports bras and a tank top. Your hair wasn’t long and curled. You kept it shoulder length and out of your face in two french braids. You were here to kick ass. To dominate. To show them that the women could be just as good as the men.

But it worked too well.

Because even Seth Rollins won’t look your way twice.

You felt tears prickle at the corners of your eyes but you refused to cry, especially not in front of him.

Instead, you ripped off the last of the tape from around your hands.

And somehow your anger grew even more.

“Why did you kiss me in the middle of the ring, then?” You asked. Calmly. Too calmly.

Smug. Egotistical. You needed a thesaurus to describe his smirk. “Because I needed to shut you up somehow.”

You smiled. But it was your crazy smile.

“So you’re a tease,” you said.

“I’m not a tease.”

You sigh. “Then I was right. You really can’t get it up.”

He laughed. “This is your plan? This is how you’re trying to seduce me?”

“Rollins, if I were trying to seduce you, you’d be on your back and I’d be sitting on your face.”

“I don’t think so.”

You stepped toward him. “Is that a challenge?”

“Doesn’t matter,” he said, stepping closer to you.

“Why?”

You were chest to chest now.

“Because,” his lips hovered over yours. “I’d have to be interested.”

Your breath hitched as his lips grazed yours, soft, barely there. More like a whisper than a kiss.

“And I’m not.” His heat was gone suddenly. You blinked, unable to focus for a moment. When you did, he was smirking again, across the room, arms folded, biceps bulging. Then he was turning, walking away, leaving.

“What?” You asked. Everything was confusing for a moment. He had that effect on you.

“I said,” he spelled it out slowly, as if your english wasn’t too good. “I’m not interested in you.”

And then he was gone. Final words and all.

You tugged at the last of the wrist wraps and pretended that your eyes weren’t blurry with tears.