#in all honesty i think i would actually fucking break down if till dies

[enden-k]

im feeling so sick guys im unwell fr R7 till vs luka is going to fucking kill me, ill be deader than ivan

IS MY BABY CRYING OR SWEATING I CANT IC ANNTNNN

theyre making luka listen to his own heartbeat (not to mention it looks ?? not normal????) - hes going to hear his own heart stop beating, isnt he

[taeilskitty]

Hii

I noticed your request is open

I'd like to request celibate doyoung smut with arranged marriage au!

Would appreciate it if you could add a lot of nipple play!

Thanks!

Thank you so much for the request!! I really enjoyed writing this so I hope it was good enough. Enjoy love <33

You hadn’t known Doyoung for long.

He was nice enough, he was respectful and pretty funny, good company too. It wasn’t such an issue that you were going to have to be together for, well, ever.

Forever is a long time. In all honesty you’d always dreaded your wedding day because you knew there was no chance of marrying someone you actually loved; that’s a fantasy you knew you’d just have to live out in your next life. But the first time you were introduced to your future husband, you realised that maybe, just maybe, you could make the most of it.

You weren’t best friends by any means, let alone lovers, but at least you were on the same boat. Both living with parents who had a plan since before you were even born, a prophecy they’d already written out for you. Whatever.

Maybe the knowledge of your fate was the reason for it, but you were never overly concerned with love. Of course you wanted it, but you’d learned to be your own person too. And that was great. Doyoung had once admitted that he was relieved about that; “I was worried you’d be disappointed,” he’d told you, “because I can’t do… any of that.”

It sort of warmed your heart. He was fairly open with you, and for that reason was sure not to cross any of your boundaries. You liked that about him. You could certainly get used to seeing his face everyday. And honestly it helped that he was… really fucking hot.

Your wedding was actually really nice, what with all things considered. You made the most of the celebrations and he seemed really calm as opposed to you who was frankly scared shitless. His family liked you, your family liked him, and most importantly you liked each other - or at the very least you tolerated each other.

“I can’t believe you’re my husband,” you laughed once it was all over. “Thank you for making the day a little less scary.”

“The pleasure’s all mine, Y/N. Honestly.”

You smiled at Doyoung and looked back out across the moonlit sky. It was proving to be an emotional night, a surreal one at that.

“Before we met I was scared you’d be some creep, like, a total weirdo.”

“You seriously think your parents would let someone treat their kid like shit?” Now he was the one laughing; you both knew your parents were a lot of things, but they’d never want to see you get hurt.

“Okay, fair,” you agreed, and turned back to face him. “I’m surprised they didn’t dump me with someone crazy ugly though.”

Doyoung smirked. “Oh?” His eyes darted away momentarily. “So you do like me. Huh.”

Something told you he was only half kidding, but the giddiness in your gut made you wonder if this was the feeling all the blockbuster romance movies tried to convey. You weren’t in love. But you sure were glad it was him next to you right then.

“Don’t get so cocky.” He gasped sarcastically in response to your playful rejection. “I’ll put up with you.”

“I give it a week before you’re head over heels in love with me.”

Standing up, he looked back sort of expectantly.

“You wish. I think you just want me to be in love with you.”

“You’re married to me,” Doyoung scoffed. “C’mon. Let’s head inside.”

You stood up and looked at him for a moment. He still had that glint in his eye that suggests something isn’t quite right, like he’s waiting for something.

His beauty is… almost unfair. There’s no way your parents’ taste in men was this good, especially when picking some guy out for you. It made no sense - how was he so attractive? You knew it wasn’t just the light because, let’s face it, anyone can see how hot he is.

You sighed, and you shook your head when he asked if something’s wrong.

Doyoung placed a hand on your shoulder. He seemed far more nervous than he did before, particularly when you stepped in just a little closer. He could practically feel your breath mixing with his; your lips almost brushing against each other.

“What?” You ask when he breaks eye contact. “Never kissed anyone before?”

“Actually, no…” He let out a nervous chuckle. “I wanted to wait till I was married. It just feels weird that now I am…”

You weren’t sure why this shocked you, but it kind of made sense. Of course he’d waited, he was so angelic. Not even necessarily innocent by any means, and honestly it wouldn’t have bothered you if he’d slept with 1 or 100 people before. But somehow this made him… cuter?

You vowed not to laugh. You wanted to, not because it was funny or anything, but because it was just kind of endearing. You smiled at him.

“That’s okay, I’m no expert at it.”

Doyoung was silent for a second, but he looked back down at you with confidence in his eyes.

“My parents made a good choice with you.”

The space between your lips finally closed.

-

Despite having no experience, Doyoung knew how to draw whines out of you and kiss you in a way that sent butterflies to your stomach. He tugged on your bottom lip and held you with just enough force to make you feel the perfect amount of helplessness. It came naturally. The kissing, the touching, the clothes coming off. He even took the time to admire your body. How the fuck did he get so perfect?

“You’re really gorgeous, Y/N…” he muttered against the skin of your neck, your hands wandering into his hair. “I’m so glad we found each other.”

“Mmh-” A gentle moan escaped you when he grazed his teeth over your sweet spot. “You’re - you’re so hot.”

Doyoung chuckled a little bit and lay back on your now-shared bed. You’d clambered on top of him nervously, adrenaline coursing through your body, excitement chasing after it. He couldn’t hide how hard he was, not in those boxers - and there was no way you could ignore how big his cock felt strained against you.

“I - are you okay with this?” He asked, pulling away for a moment. The look in his eyes was sincere.

You nod. “God yes.”

That’s when he pulls you back into the depths of his kisses and hisses when your hand tugs at his boxers. He’d waited so long for this moment, and it was happening with someone he couldn’t believe he was so lucky to marry. The pair of you were nervous of course, but the mutual understanding you had was enough. The fact that Doyoung had already asked if you were comfortable made you want him even more for some reason.

“Ride me,” he breathed. “Please.”

Doyoung’s cock felt so fucking good. It stretched you perfectly, which hurt a little more than you’d like to admit but the feeling of him inside you just felt… wow. He threw his head back as you moved on him slowly.

“God, fuck, keep doing that baby,” he moaned.

Baby. The pet name sounded incredible coming from him.

“Yes sir,” You mocked, but the way he cursed under his breath when you said that told you he was into it. “Oh you want me to call you that, don’t you?”

“Shut up.” He was blushing just a little, and brought your lips to his again. “Don’t try and tease me, I can’t take it. Not this time. Seriously.”

Something in Doyoung’s voice sounded desperate. You wanted to taunt him so badly, but despite the fact that he’d never done this before, it made you wince with pleasure to think of all the things he could do to you when you get more comfortable with sex. He wrapped his arms around your waist and kissed up and down your collarbones, bucking his hips up into you. He mentioned how tight you were, how good you felt around his cock and how bad he wanted to cum in you. The rasp in his voice sent you reeling, and you tried to reply but when he took your nipple into his mouth you almost started crying with pleasure.

“F-fuck!!”

It was one of the most incredible sensations, his tongue lolling around the bud paired with his cock deep inside you. The way his teeth nipped against the sensitive skin was enough to make you both cum. You felt… amazing. Clenching around his cock, you dug your nails into his back and whined far louder than you intended; a hand began to play with your other hardened bud and sent your mind into oblivion.

“So good…” He moaned, kissing along the width of your chest to switch sides. The sudden cold air against your spit-sodden nipple made you shudder but the coolness was a part of what made it feel so much better. Doyoung’s tongue flicked and played with you to an unconscious rhythm played by the fingers opposite, not at all in tune with his hips now snapping against you but fuck it felt good. He sort of whimpered, not in a submissive way but in a way that sounded overwhelmed with pleasure. He was clearly enjoying what he was doing, his cock buried in your hole and his mouth on your chest; it was like he’d dreamt of this moment. He’d never admit that he had, not yet anyway, but the anticipation leading up to him finally getting to fuck was a lot for him. As for you… you were no stranger to fantasising. You’d wanted sex for a long time. It felt so much better than you could have hoped; it sure helped that Doyoung actually took the time to focus on how you felt too, but really you were perfectly happy grinding on his huge cock alone.

It slowly built up. The friction was unbearably good. The sensation of his mouth against your chest, his hand gripping your waist for dear life, his cock sliding in and out of you -

“Fuck, fuck--”

You came, hard, clenching and panting and grabbing fistfuls of his hair as you did so. “That’s it,” Doyoung breathed, “cum for me baby.”

You rode your orgasm out on him and tried so hard not to let your entire body jerk with each thrust he made after you came, until finally he followed suit. He moaned into your skin and god, he sounded perfect. The noises that came from the man’s mouth were nothing short of beautiful. This was heaven, or at the very least Earth’s closest replica to it.

“Ah,” he panted, still inside you, allowing the both of you to come down from your high. “Thank you, love…”

“No, thank you,” you laughed. “That - I didn’t think it would feel so good.”

The smug look on his face was pretty hard for him to hide. “Hah. Well. Me neither, to be honest.”

The two of you looked into each other’s eyes once more and you just felt so comfortable. A kiss came so naturally once again, and you realised that maybe, just maybe, spending the foreseeable future together wouldn’t be so bad.

You hadn’t known Doyoung for long.

But it would be a lie if you said you couldn’t see yourself falling for him.

[am-imagines]

Forever//Over. - Alex Morgan Imagine.

This was requested by an anon:  Maybe some really angsts long distance relationship but with a fluffy ending.

I took a different approach with this prompt than what you’d probably expect, but I hope it’s angsty and enjoyable enough. I ran away with it and the over 6k words prove it. If it’s as angsty as it can be, I don’t know. You must want to ask @worms-and-jan​ She knows my angst-meter better than myself. But hey! It has a fluffy ending! Kinda.

I hope y’all enjoy!

***

You never believed that loving too much could hurt like this. You never longed for someone until air escaped your grasp and you weren’t able to breathe. And yet, here you are.

The darkness consumes you like a thousand questions you can’t answer. The walls of your room almost collapse over you and you need to get out of there. It doesn’t matter where as long as you’re not there: in the place that reminds you so fervently of the person you’re trying to forget.

The salty air of the beach helps you calm down; you breathe in and out but that doesn’t stop the deep ache in your chest. The music blares through your headphones; loud and yet unable to drown the cruel, mocking voice of your doubts.

The sky is dark, full of stars in the quiet autumn evening. And perhaps you’re not completely alone with the night sky watching over you even if the moon is missing. Even if she’s missing. You really want to believe it’s better this way, but it still hurts like hell.

You’ve called and texted her perhaps a thousand times since she disappeared from your life. And that’s the thing you can’t understand. How can the same person that proclaimed her love just turn her back on you like that? She was gone without a word or warning. It makes no sense no matter how much you think about it.

One day you’re enjoying life, trading kisses and “I love you”s while the world kept spinning. The faint light from the tv was the perfect halo for her beauty. The next day she’s gone. Your worry is met with silence and only a trail of media posts let you know she’s safe.

For so long you’ve believed that love shouldn’t hurt, and if it does, then it’s time to move on. That’s your plan now; put a sea between you while you try to forget.

Except you’ve never been good at that. You don’t fall in love often, but when you do then it’s the all or nothing kinda love. Sure, you’re willing and accepting of letting go when love dies, when the timing is right and when a relationship becomes full of bullshit. But here, everything is different and you’re not quite sure how to let go.

Hence why you’re at the beach; trying to figure out how you messed up, where things went wrong for Alex Morgan to stop loving you so abruptly.

Maybe, just maybe, this isn’t your fault at all.

That, however, would make her a fucking asshole. And that’s a tag you’re not ready to pin on her just yet. After all, you love her too much.

Still, there’s a party you must attend in less than an hour. You have a chance to be with the National Team, say your goodbye for the near future. And you gotta put the last period on a love story she can’t give you.

Next week your life starts in Europe; you have a club, a place and a dream to chase.

Sadly, there’s a missing piece in the puzzle you envisioned as your future. But her prolonged silence is a hint that you must reconstruct yourself and find another version of yourself. All in all, it’s better to move on now. Sure, the pain is there but won’t last forever.

Making the decision to leave wasn’t easy. You’re grateful for the chance the Pride gave you, but with the U.S. Soccer’s approval, you’re ready for a new horizon. There are plenty of challenges overseas that will help you discover a renewed version of yourself.

There are many things you leave behind, but ultimately, there’s nothing for you to stay.

This party is a chance to see your found family until next camp a few months away. Granted, you’re going to miss them terribly, especially Ash and Ali. They’ve practically taken you under their wing in Orlando. In camp you gravitate more towards Tobin and Lindsey as if they were all siblings.

The entire National Team is your family in one way or another. And it helps that some of them have experienced life in other countries before. They know that even with all the hardships of moving to another country; every moment playing soccer there is worth it.

This is an opportunity for growth. Now it’s your chance to discover more about you as an athlete and a human being.

It takes you another moment to collect yourself, to stop panic from overtaking you as you stare into Orlando’s beach one last time. This is the right decision, it has to be. Because right now your only plan is finding your future in Europe, and plan B is pretty much dying by Ashlyn’s hands if you don’t make it to the Harris-Krieger household in time.

The walk back home is quite enjoyable; the evening is warm and you’ve made peace with this, even if you’re not willing to put the blame on Alex. Sometimes things are just not meant to be no matter how hard you try to make them work.

What really works is your outfit as you make it to the party about an hour later. The music is already going, alcohol flowing and twenty three other women are causing havoc already. It’s twenty three because of course she would be there. After all, Alex Morgan is part of the National team.

Surprisingly, or maybe not, her presence hurts way more than her absence. It cements the truth you refused to believe; it’s not like she’s too busy to leave you aside, she just doesn’t care. It was far easier to question the darkness of your room than daring to do so when her eyes land on you.

In that moment you want to run away; turn on your heels and escape from all the pain and disappointment. Realization hits hard and deep, it makes your lungs burn all over again and you practically choke on the words you can’t throw at her face.

But this night isn’t about her. She isn’t the only person that matters in the world, not tonight. If she doesn’t care, you’ll pretend not to care either. You can do it for a night. You can do it for forever. Fake it till you make it, right?

“Damn, girl!” Ashlyn calls as she pulls you into a hug. “Looking fine.”

“Watch it, Harris. You’re a married woman now.”

“Excuse you, happily married.”

You nod at her statement because it couldn’t be truer. You’ve never seen a couple look at each other like that. You hope to have what they do one day. Even if it’s not with the person you thought for months. A mistake on your part, perhaps. Maybe one of many.

No. You’re not going to think about her anymore. She’s not going to ruin this night. There’s plenty of girls to keep you company, to laugh with and enjoy your last hours in the country. There are a million stories you haven’t heard yet. Hundreds of dog pictures to be exchanged like trading cards. You enjoy a drink, laugh and dance until you’ve almost forgotten her.

Almost.

Despite your best efforts, you can’t ignore the weight of her gaze for long. Just as you can’t ignore the way she keeps avoiding you even when you’re confined to the same place. You never considered Ash and Ali’s place to be extremely big, and yet Alex is never in the same room you are for long.

The sadness and hurt turn into anger then, and you wonder why the fuck she can’t speak her mind once and for all? She’s a coward.

Still, you’re too tired to keep chasing her, and instead stick by Lindsey and Rose. At least until Ash pulls you into the kitchen with a lame excuse of refilling drinks. That didn’t seem to be a problem thirty seconds ago, but you follow anyway.

You know Ash and Ali maybe as much as they know you. It’s only normal for her to do something like this every so often, either there’s some sort of gossip or a new cocktail you have to try. It’s no big deal.

“Okay, spill. What the fuck is going on with you?”

“What?” You parrot back, utterly confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Y/n, I know you. So don’t start that bullshit with me. You’ve been holed up at your place not talking to anyone since the end of the season. And I know this because everyone has been texting me, concerned that you’re not in a good place. I don’t know what happened between you and Alex, but...”

“Nothing happened!” You finally snap. “Nothing happened.”

Repeating the words doesn’t make them true, and the look on your face is one of defeat. You know it. Ash knows it. And so does Ali when she joins you at the kitchen with a worried look. This is not how things were supposed to go, but now you can’t really backtrack.

“I’m leaving,” you blurt out suddenly.

Except that you make no move towards the door. There’s no way you can drive like this; not when your hands are shaking and your vision is blurred by tears.

“I’ll take you home,” Ali offers; a hand resting on your shoulder.

“No, I...” You hesitate under her gaze, under her touch. It’s now or never, and it’s too soon to say goodbye but you have to start somewhere. “I’m leaving the Pride. I had some offers to play overseas, and I accepted. It’s a chance to start over, you know?”

“I’m going to kill a bitch, or break her legs.”

You gotta laugh at Ash’s words as you wipe the corners of your eyes. Of course she would understand more than you’re actually saying. Ali, well, she looks at her wife frowning in confusion.

“What are you talking about? Break whose legs?”

“There’s only one person that would make her want to lea-”

“No,” you interrupt, “listen. This was my decision, my choice, and only mine.”

“Yeah, sure.”

There are only three people in the entire world you cannot fool no matter how hard you try: Ashlyn Harris, Ali Krieger and Megan Rapinoe.

You’re starting to believe is some sort of superpower from the Lesbian Gods.

For a moment you try to hold eye contact with Pinoe but in the end, the woman quirks an eyebrow and you give up. In all honesty, you never had a chance to win here.

Fuck you, Artemis.

“Okay,” you relent. “She had something to do with it but...”

“What happened?”

The look in their eyes tells you that if you don’t tell them, there won’t be mercy for Alex. And yet, if you talk, you’re not sure if it’ll make things better or worse. There’s no escape from this situation; you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Ash, Ali and Pinoe are the three women you trust the most in the world. You’ve bottled your emotions over the last weeks and it obviously isn’t helping.

You can try. You can pretend. But you still find it hard to breathe. You still feel the world crashing over you while you scramble to find some answer among the rubble. They’re offering support in the best way they can; worried more about you than anything else.

“I...”

But it’s still hard to find your voice and put everything into words. They’ve never been your forte. If you’re searching for a clean slate, then it’s best to leave this behind.

“It’s a long story.”

By the end of it, you’re unable to look at any of them, and stare at the floor instead. There’s a moment of charged silence while their anger grows. You’ve cried enough already; the tears won’t come anymore, but even then your pain is there for them to see.

“Son of a bitch!” Ash yells, banging the counter in anger.

She’s angry with herself for not seeing this earlier, for not reaching out. It isn’t her fault. No matter how good she is detecting your bullshit, you’re good keeping secrets. She can’t see right through you when you don’t let her be close enough.

You would’ve been better at hiding this if it didn’t tear you apart as much as it did. It’s far easier to pretend when your heart isn’t broken. It’s easier to conceal anger under calm, and mask emptiness with a smile.

You never loved so deeply. You never hurt so harshly. It’s just like they say: there’s a first time for everything.

“I’m really going to kill her.”

“No, no. Ali, please.”

You hold her hand, pulling her into a hug she answers by tightening her hold on you. Ash and Pinoe join the love pile not too long after although you can see the tension lingering on their shoulders. You know they’re angry, but you won’t let them act on impulse.

“I don’t want a confrontation, okay? I...it won’t solve anything. Not anymore. I came here to have a good time, not to spend the night talking about her.”

“You need another drink then,” Pinoe says breaking the group hug.

In a matter of seconds there’s a full glass in your hand. The weight pressing down your chest has eased enough for you to breathe normally, for you to smile as bright as ever.

Who needs Alex Morgan when you have this incredible group of women?

“For an epic last night?”

You raise your glass for a toast, but instead of joining your cheer, they glare daggers behind you. Looking back is unnecessary to know who is standing behind you.

“What do you mean last night?”

Thankfully, she’s not the one talking, and you turn to face Kelley instead.

“Europe is calling, baby!” You exclaim cheerfully.

Intentional or not, your voice is loud enough for not just Kelley to hear. Every other girl in the next room hears too. Suddenly, all of them try to make their way into the kitchen; asking as many questions as they can while you try to answer them all.

They’re like an excited pack of puppies, walking you to the living room where anyone left out can join too.

Even among a sea of soccer players, her gaze cuts through it all. She follows you like a distant shadow, but you make your best to ignore her.

She has no right to stop you now. She has no right to act hurt when this is the aftermath of her actions. Everything has a consequence, and if she thought you would wait forever without an explanation, she’s wrong.

“When are you leaving?”

Her words are quiet but you hear them thunderous. They zap you as if they were lightning, and your eyes snap up to meet hers. It’s hard to describe what you see there, then again, you don’t try too hard to understand.

“Next week.”

Just like that, you move onto the next question as if your mind wasn’t troubled.

You laugh with the others showing none of the struggle you’ve gone through. You don’t tell them about the sleepless nights where you wondered what to do next, which direction to follow. You don’t say a word about your phone’s unlit screen and the hundred unanswered texts.

Somehow, when your eyes meet Alex’s again, she has the decency to look ashamed. She knows. She knows and still didn’t give a damn.

“You’re staying, right?” Ali asks once the party starts winding down.

“Until you kick me out.”

The woman huffs in mock annoyance before pinching your cheeks. If that’s the price to pay for her friendship, you’ll take it with only a tiny bit of whining. After all, you have to put up some kind of resistance even if your smile betrays you.

Half an hour later everyone is ready to leave; including Pinoe. She fetches her jacket while they all wait for their Lyft, Uber or whatever service they called.

Megan looks at you and then at the only other person sitting on the other side of the living room. A silent question being asked here:

Are you going to be alright?

You nod, getting to your feet for one last hug.

“I’m going to miss you,” you whisper.

“Why’s that? Phones don’t work over there or what?”

“You’re a fucking asshole.”

“Language,” she admonishes, earning her an eye roll. “Call me, text me and if it’s four am, I’ll respond once I actually wake up.”

“You are officially the worst. But I’ll do my best for you there.”

“Nah. You’ll do your best because that’s how you are. Take care, Y/n. Don’t make me go across the world to kick your butt. You know I will.”

“I promise nothing.”

With that, she’s gone and so are the rest of the girls with one exception. The one exception you don’t want to face. So, while Ash and Ali are getting the guest room ready, you decide to start the cleaning process.

Bypassing Alex, you make your way into the kitchen to load the dishwasher.

The sound of her footsteps is quiet, and yet too loud in the overall silence of the house. You’re between shocked and unsurprised. You wondered if staying behind had anything to do with you, but didn’t want to get your expectations too high.

She hasn’t talked to you in months, what makes this night special?

“You’re leaving.”

Right. That. That’s the big revelation of the night, but doesn’t really make a difference.

“Yes.”

With the dishwasher running, your next step is to gather all the trash scattered around the place. At least that was the plan. Alex has other ideas as she stands in front of you, effectively blocking the door. Sure, you can make your way around the kitchen isle, but you’re not feeling up to play stupid games.

“Why?” She asks.

Isn’t that the same thing you’ve asked yourself endless times? It absolutely is.

The whole thing is so ridiculous that you almost laugh. Except it’s not really funny. In a moment all the hurt turns into burning anger. It boils and swells, rises like the tide when the moon illuminates the sky.

You look at her and don’t recognize the woman you loved not so long ago.

“Why what, Alex?”

There’s a fierceness in your own eyes that is so unlike you. Sure, you’ve been angry before, who hasn’t? But never like this, never to the point of quiet rage.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

You laugh then; an empty sharp sound that is far away from being happy. It’s the irony of it all, the nerve of Alexandra Morgan to sputter those words acting confused and hurt.

“I fucking tried!” You shout, and once you start everything else comes pouring out. “Or did you forget about the texts you never bothered to answer? Or the calls? I tried to reach you so many times, in so many ways, and you made it clear you didn’t want me around. And I just don’t understand...”

“Y/n-”

“No, I’m not done yet, “You cut her. ”You left me, Alex. The last words you said to me were “I love you” and then you were gone. You’re a liar, playing with my feelings when I gave you everything I could. You were the one that kissed me for the first time, the one that asked me out, for what? For the thrill of having a stupid girl you could toy with?”

“Of course not!”

“Then answer your own question. Why?”

Here you are, having a conversation you didn’t plan to have but wanted. No, it’s not really going as you envisioned. Mostly because you pictured yourself crying your heart out and begging her to come back. You deserve better than that.

“I...I’ve never felt the way I do for you.”

You raise an eyebrow, motion for her to continue cuz that’s not going to cut it. Not after weeks of going radio silent even when you let her know there was something important to talk about. Not after nights where you doubted your own worth.

“I got scared.”

You look at her in disbelief. That’s her reason; the only one, for running away without looking back. And somehow, you what, have to take it in stride? Hell, no.

“That’s bullshit.”

You’ve never been so in love either. And it’s scary; opening up and showing every flaw and vulnerability while expecting to still be enough. It’s bound to be scary, to be overwhelming at times where you can’t believe life and love truly feel like that.

That’s love for you, at least.

It fills your body, carves your bones until you feel weak at the knees. But you grow stronger until the weight of the world falls from your shoulders, until gravity doesn’t affect you anymore and you swear you can fly.

Love shapes the world, makes you find little hints and signs everywhere. The world reminds you so strongly of them that you wonder how you didn’t see it before. It makes you feel invincible, like your life has reached that perfect pinnacle of serendipity.

And that’s just the beginning.

Loving someone shouldn’t hurt. It’s supposed to be a celebration to life and the victories; big or small, found through the days. Sometimes that means a world cup. Sometimes it means buying a house. Sometimes it’s just being able to survive the hardship and exhaustion of a long day.

Love is the backbone of support, it lifts you up when you can’t stand on your own. It’s the quiet whisper in the back of your head reminding you to breathe when your head is underwater. It’s the knowledge that yes, life is not a utopia, and there are battles you gotta face on your own, but that you’re not alone nor lonely.

It’s supposed to be scary; terrifying even. But it’s also supposed to be filled with joy, and wonder. A mix of awe and euphoria that settle into calm. Because in love you can be yourself; the one version of you that the rest of the world doesn’t get to see.

And all of those emotions should make it worth it.

“Do you think I wasn’t scared too?” You finally ask. “I know there’s a lot on the line for you. I knew the terms and conditions of dating you since the beginning. I agreed to keep it a secret until you were ready. If you needed time to figure it out, to come to terms with who and what you are, I would’ve understood. Listen, even if you weren’t ready for a relationship at all, I would have understood. But not like this.”

“Please, Y/n. I’m trying to make things right.”

“Alex,” you say tiredly, rubbing your eyes in the process. “It’s too late. I’m leaving.”

“Don’t go.”

You can say the desperation in her eyes, can hear it in her voice. Still, that’s not enough.

She had a chance, more than one if you’re being honest, to make you stay.

Instead, she’s one of the reasons you’re leaving.

You deserve more than fear or reluctance. You deserve dreams that come true, to find true happiness. You deserve someone that will talk to you when things don’t go as planned; not shut you out completely. You want someone that looks at you with that happy light in their eyes instead of leaving you in the darkness of uncertainty.

“Why does it matter?” You ask with a hint of frustration. “You’re the one that left me! You walked away from us without a word! And I’m not going to be the girl you play with while deciding to pull your head out of your ass or leave it there. I deserve to be happy too. And right now that means being away from you.”

“I’m sorry.”

You feel a rush of everything; anger, sadness, frustration and perhaps a hint of relief as well. It’s hard to decide if you want to slap some sense into her or cross the distance between you just to feel her arms around your waist again.

In the end, you simply shake your head.

“Yeah. Me too.”

“I wish there was a way to go back.”

“You can’t unbreak things. You can learn and do better.”

There’s nothing left to be said, not on your side. And for now, you don’t really care about what she has to say either.

You make your way upstairs to where Ash and Ali are waiting for you. It’s not hard to eavesdrop on an empty house, but they respect you enough to give you space. You’re not a kid; you know how to handle your own battles although the moral backup is always appreciated.

“You’re going to be okay?”

Ali looks deep into your eyes in concern, but her worry is met with a shy smile.

“Yeah, I think I will.”

For the first time in the last few weeks, you are able to breathe with nothing weighing on your chest. Closure is exactly what you needed. Facing her after the prolonged silence was perhaps one of the hardest things you had to do, but now the future seems a little brighter.

*****

Playing in one of the most competitive soccer leagues in the world is far from easy. Even the style seems different; play harder, faster and smarter. But you’ve done great, put your name up there among some of the best.

What some considered potential was polished into talent, although that had more to do with your discipline and hard work. Of course, the press wasn’t so kind as to enlighten that.

At the end of the season you have a championship and a new shining contract waiting for you. All it’s missing is your signature, but there are things to consider still. You miss home. You miss the crazy 23 women you call family.

Hopefully the upcoming USWNT camp will clear some of the doubts.

Maybe seeing them all again will give you the strength to extend your life in Europe. Maybe it’ll make you realize it’s time to go home.

There are many clubs interested in you which is not a surprise after everything you’ve done in a matter of months. Europe has catapulted you to another level, and it’s true there’s so much more to learn. Still, feeling homesick can be one hell of a bitch.

You could always move back to Orlando. Maybe you could move with Tobin in Portland. Tagging along Press with the Royals or go to Chicago for a change. The world is yours if you want it, and Heavens, you absolutely do.

“Why is something telling me you won’t come to stay?”

You glance at Pinoe on your screen while you finish packing. Sue and her are keeping you company as you get ready. Traveling always makes you anxious no matter if it’s just a couple of states over or halfway across the world.

“I haven’t decided yet.”

“Does this have to do with Morgan?”

“What!? No! I haven’t talked to her.”

“Maybe you should.”

You glare at your screen suspiciously because this is Pinoe of all people; telling you to talk to her. Megan Rapinoe; the woman that knows the ins and outs of your relationship and feelings for Alex. It doesn’t make sense unless something happened.

“Okay, fess up.”

“About what?”

The smug look on her face tells you that your mighty glare isn’t working.

Fuck you, Artemis. Again.

“Don’t worry, kid.” Sue intercedes with a gentle albeit playful smile. “You’ll get it soon enough.”

“Get what?”

They don’t answer your question and you don’t have much time to keep asking as they excuse themselves to end the call. Technically, it’s almost time for you to leave. However, their intentions are pretty clear. In the end, you groan in annoyance as they manage to dodge your question multiple times before the call disconnects. Alas, there’s nothing you can do.

It doesn’t take long until you’re on the airplane waiting to take off.

Your leg bounces nervously while you’re torn between looking out of the window or closing your eyes. It’s practically a miracle you decided to move so far, considering how much you hate flying. To be honest, the flight itself isn’t the problem.

Feeling the rumble of such a huge thing, it always makes you wonder how it can actually fly. You’ve seen documentaries and read articles but that fear comes every time you get into a plane. Besides turbulence, lift off is the worst part.

“You can hold my hand if you want.”

Your head snaps up towards the person standing next to you. Even now, after months since the last time you heard that voice. You would be able to recognize it from a million others. That doesn’t take away from the surprise of seeing her  there.

“What...” you start, trying to find your voice, “what are you doing here?”

“Taking a plane back home.”

“No, I mean-”

Her chuckle makes you realize she’s teasing. Partially, at least. She sits next to you, ready to go back to the USA. Which doesn’t really explain what she’s doing in the same country as you.

“Alex,” you try again, “why are you here?”

Your time away from her has been odd to say something.

You’ve missed her, she was your best friend even before things escalated into something else. She was the person you trusted the most before everything came tumbling down. And yet, over the last few months you’ve done your best to not think about her too much.

You limited your social media activity mostly to club related posts. Mostly accessed to catch up with some of your other friends, but being careful not to dwell on any of her posts. You scrolled past them in a hurry or got out of the app as soon as possible.

Unfollowing her would have been the smart choice, if you were someone else.

Being under the spotlight it’s great, but it also means everything you do is a clue for something. Unfollowing her would bring up more questions than you were, or still are, willing to answer. It was easier to pretend and move on.

“I got it out.”

Her words catch you by surprise and you shake your head trying to get back in the moment.

“What?”

It’s hard to make sense of any of it when she’s right there. Maybe it’s the shock of seeing her after so long. Maybe it’s hard to pay attention to her with the plane rapidly filling. It feels like you’re running out of time even when there’s nowhere else for you to be.

“You were right,” she says instead.

“Alex,” you warn, trying to get her to the point.

“I got my head out of my ass,” she finally answers with a half smile. However, her eyes remain serene, telling you she’s taking this seriously. “I was an idiot, and I’m sorry. Even then, when I discovered you were leaving, I could only think about myself. I can’t ask you to forgive me. We both know I don’t deserve it after everything I did to you. But you deserved an apology. That’s why I’m here.”

“You came all the way here for that?”

There’s more surprise in your voice than anything else. Sure, you appreciate the gesture but it seems a little overboard. Then again, you’re not sure of the result if she had called. Maybe you wouldn’t have picked the phone to begin with.

“I wanted you to know I mean it. I didn’t feel like words would be enough. Besides, I know how much you hate flying, so coming here just to go back, it’s worth it if it’s for you.”

Against all your common sense, you forgave her long ago. More for your own sake than hers, but all the anger and hurt are gone. The love you felt for her is not what it used to be, and neither is the trust. But in that moment, you’re glad she’s there.

Without saying a word, she offers you her hand.

This is something you’ve done several times, holding her hand during a flight, and you accept her offer just as the plane starts moving. If your grip is too tight, she doesn’t complain. She keeps her eyes on you; making sure you’re alright and damn those blue eyes.

“So, how did Pinoe know you were coming?”

“Did she tell you?”

“Not really,” you answer truthfully. “She said I should talk to you and that I would get it. You know her and Sue, they can be cryptic. Still, never expected to find you here.”

“Yeah, well...” She shies away from your gaze for a second but meets your eyes again. “Once you left I realized my mistake. I mean, I did before that. Guess it was easy to justify everything with fear. Then you weren’t there and the fear of losing you forever was bigger than the one of losing everything else.”

No, you’re not going to fall in love with her all over again. Not after you spent months getting over her. Even if she looks at you and you feel like she can see right into your soul.

“Alex, I can’t-”

“Hey,” she softly interrupts. “I’m not asking anything from you; I messed up. And like you said, I can’t unbreak things, I can only try to fix them.”

You can extend her an olive branch; a start. You’re not sure whether this is a good idea or not. It’s hard to tell where this is going to tell you. Still, you beg to the Lesbian Gods to guard your heart.

For now, you’re glad the 10+ hours journey back to America is not a lonely one.

*****

“Everything ready?”

You look over your shoulder to face some of your teammates.

You’ve decided to go for another year in Europe; extending your stay with the club you love while trying to win another chip and extra hardware.

“Almost.”

“I knew you wouldn’t stay,” Pinoe claims.

“But you sure wish I did.”

Her shrug confirms your suspicions because hell, you’re going to miss them too. It’s weird to be in a similar position as you were last year, and yet, everything feels different. You’re still at camp instead of sharing a wonderful evening at the Harris-Krieger household, but everyone that matters is there.

Last time it was a hundred percent your decision to leave although there were motivations besides soccer. This time your terms are different, you’re chasing a dream instead of running from a nightmare. You want to keep learning, growing and being the best you can be.

“You’ll come with me again?” You ask Alex teasingly.

“Not this time. But,” she pauses for dramatic effect. “I’ll be waiting for you when you get back.”

There’s some kind of promise there that you refuse to fully believe. It wouldn’t be the first time you get your hopes too high, or the one where you crash down in free fall with no parachute.

Camp has served you right, both of you. And maybe you stopped Ash from killing Alex when it was known you two would share a room, but things are...better.

“You can always visit.”

All eyes fall on you, trying to decide what is going on in your mind. To be honest? You’re not quite sure either. But you feel that pull towards Alex, daring you to allow her in.

You tell yourself this is a mistake. There’s absolutely nothing stopping her from doing something stupid, from leaving you hanging while you doubt yourself again. Everything could play out exactly like the last time, except something is different this time.

You’re not quite capable of explaining. You’re not gonna dive without testing the water either. So there’s another year overseas with some distance to keep your head clear. Whatever happens in that lapse, it’ll be the answer you need.

“Call me if you get homesick.”

“Except if it’s three am?” You ask with a sideways glance to Megan.

“Even if it’s three am,” Alex corrects. “Can’t promise I won’t fall asleep on you tho.”

“As if you didn’t do exactly that already.”

“Hey! At least I would pick up.”

“Fine. I’ll take it.”

There’s a small grin in your lips while you pack the last of your stuff.

You look at your friends and family one more time knowing they’ll be there when you come back. And looking at Alex you know there’s a chance home will be waiting for you.

“Okay. Let’s do this.”

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

Free Fallin’

“Can we, uh. Drive?”

Cas turns to Dean Winchester, amused, yet not entirely surprised. The hunter’s standing in the doorway, the line of his lips slant. But he’s got his eyebrows raised in a pleading stance, his posture as unsettled as pinkening, flustered cheeks. He is, in spite of the hesitation, to the core of his being, endearing to Cas.

But Cas rallies to stay serious. There’s a chance Dean needs that right now. “If you’d really rather. Of course.”

If you really want to avoid this. 

Dean seems uncomfortable, still, though Cas just gave him an out. Cas can feel the restlessness in his guilty stare. 

It hadn’t been long since Castiel got his wings back. And this was the first chance he was going to have, post completely healing, to fly - trial runs (flights?) didn’t really count, because they didn’t have any destinations, and he’s actually been looking forward to flying with someone, because it’s been a bit of an eternity since he’s done it. Been of use, like that. So ever since the case popped up on their radar, courtesy of a small-scale hunter in Maine, who acceded to keep them updated, he’s been waiting. 

It’s too far away to drive, if urgency strikes. They’d have to fly. Especially now that they could.

(Sam set off for Texas with Jack six days ago - a newspaper article leading them to cremated ghosts with elite, mysterious family members, and a whole lot of them. It’s fairly tame, as far as salt-and-burns go, and Castiel trusts both Sam’s intelligence, and commitment to keeping Jack safe, enough to not have decided to follow, three days in.

Which means it’s just Dean and him.)

Cas knows he’s never been more enthusiastic on a personal level about the discovery of a vampire’s nest. And he doesn’t pin it to a hunter’s heart dripping gamelust - because he’s aware that the idea of flying across the country with Dean Winchester, after so long, is significantly more appealing than the intricacies of pretending, and ridiculous badges, when they get there. 

So alright, Cas’s been waiting for this. Packing, planning and leaving. With Dean, and Dean’s familiar duffel, and his wings - it’s been an exciting thought. No matter how little time it’d take, and no matter how many times he’s flown around the vast Milky Way in the entirety of his life as an angel - this had felt like something monumental for Cas to suggest, and for Dean to agree to, through a mouthful of dinner, and several thoughtful nods. It had felt like something special.

But now, if Dean’s in enough discomfort to come out and audibly hint at it, it’s harder for him than he let Castiel believe - in the past, or even the night before yesterday. Cas knows he’d never impose on Dean. Or reinforce the multiple, exceedingly valid arguments he hadn’t had to use the first time, in favor of flying versus driving. Dean has the right to retract his agreement, his consent at any moment, and Cas instantly resolves to not let it show that this had meant something, because Dean would end up shouldering all the guilt Cas had no resolve to create, and absorbing it to the deepest crevices of his mind, to let himself fester in it.

Cas stays impassive. Ever proficient at dormancy. 

Still, Dean picks up on it. Guarded walls come up to shelter something akin to fear. “You wanted this.” It borders on inflammatory. A tinge of accusation, but it doesn’t feel pointed at Cas. 

“I did.”

“I’m sorry, Cas.” Dean grimaces, entering the room with a streeled step. It’s as if Cas’s earnestness knocked a few layers off his shield - and reduced the distance between them, literally and metaphorically. Truly, honesty is the strongest axe Cas swings at Dean’s unhealthy defenses, with.

“Dean, you needn’t be.” Cas assures him, and he means it, although the disappointment within him is giving way to a sullen sense of despondency he doesn’t wish to indulge in, so he deflects by concentrating on Dean instead. 

Dean shifts, raises his eyes from the floor to meet Cas’s, and they linger in a stare of depthless confessions. 

It’s unlike them.

So when Cas tries to render a small smile, because it felt like the silence needed to be reacted to - needed one of them to pull off, there’s no way for him to know that it’ll push them over the edge. Dean wrenches away from him, and Cas sees the strings holding him stoic, snap.

“Sonuvabitch, Cas -”

Dean storms up to him, glaring. He’s angry, it almost radiates off of him - just not, per se, at Cas. 

“- we’ve all come such a fucking long way!” He growls, and Cas meets his stare uncertainly, thrown off. This is unpredictable, to say the least. Dean’s positively glowering at him - except it’s through him, like he’s been hollowed out. “We saved the goddamn world, man. Died a combined total of a hell of a lot! Sam’s gone from being an angry teenager to a kickass, new-age Bobby Singer. Dammit Cas, we lost your wings and got them back.”

We lost your wings.

Cas nods, faintly. He still isn’t sure where Dean’s going with this. 

“Back then? You would’ve put two angelic fingers on my forehead, and zapped me the fuck to India, or something.” Dean grits out, edging towards his worst temper. Cas can hear him trying to restrain himself. “But now, you won’t - now, you listen, and you try - because you’ve grown, Cas. You’ve become family, and I -”

Cas doesn’t think about the fact that if Dean isn’t angry at him, there’s no reason to be yelling. Instead, he thinks about the rare haziness in intense, green eyes, and the pain in his crushed voice.

“And I haven’t fucking changed.” Dean ends abruptly, inflicting a scornful glare at the floor, and -

Oh. 

“Dean,” is all Cas says, because he isn't sure Dean’s done yet. They’ve always jumped to conclusions, and realized they were wrong later, but Cas really doesn’t want to interrupt right now. 

“Ten years, we’ve known each other.” Dean looks up again. There’s too much in his eyes. “Forty years, I’ve been hunting. And I’m still the goddamn same, Cas. Angry, pissed-off, worthless. The hits just keep on coming, and all I do is bury myself in the losses, and then Sam or you screws my head on straight and we pull a miracle out of our asses, but end of the day, I’m this fucked-up, hurting piece of shit, and -”

Emotions shine at the corner of Dean’s eyes; years of keeping it all down, finally overcome. With the surfacing ruinness, Dean lets out a strained sound, and lets his head fall. Chin buried in his chest, at last, he forces out. 

“- and I’m still too afraid of flying.”

“Dean.” Cas loses what remained of his reticence, and if Dean has more to say, he can say it with Cas close, hovering near with his hands featherlight along Dean’s arms, wanting to comfort, but not knowing how. Cas wants to be there - but he’s never gotten a chance before. He has no idea how. “Dean, look at me. Please. It’s not like that, Dean, you’re not those things - Dean, you’re one of the best men I know, just, please -”

Cas knows he isn’t doing the most articulate, or efficient job of reassuring the volatile, shaking hunter - almost - in his arms. None of it seems to seep through, however hard he tries. It’s years of repression. Like the other shoe dropping, the facade of being okay just crumbled - and it’d been the most convincing one yet, one Dean’s been hiding under since God was sent away. 

Instead of listening to Cas, Dean’s lost in his head. He scrubs his face with his hands, and then fists them in his hair, screwing his eyes shut. It hurts Cas to be so helpless right now - because no words seem to make a difference.

“I’m scared of it, Cas.” Dean repeats, voice breaking mid-sentence, and the heels of his palms pressed to his eyes.

Cas looks at him, terrified. He wishes he could hug Dean - wrap himself around him in a tight embrace, and not let go until Dean stops shaking, because right now, he’s trembling, but Cas has no idea if he’s allowed to do that. Dean is - well, from what Cas interprets of the situation, he’s having a panic attack, and Cas doesn’t want to cross boundaries. 

Cas just wants to brush off Dean’s tears, which have never been there before, and run his hands through his hair, and caress his temple, and he wants to soothe Dean’s knuckles with his thumbs, and he wants to tell Dean how wonderful he is, again and again until he believes Cas, and then calmly, he wants to take Dean’s hands, and -

That’s probably exactly what Castiel needs to do. 

Dean’s too out of it to register Cas gently plucking Dean’s hands from his face, freeing his hair of their assault - or maybe, he just can’t comprehend Cas holding his hand so tenderly, like it’s some kind of a precious thing, and Cas’s hands curl around his fingers, pushing Dean’s palm against his. 

Dean’s hands are colder than his, so Cas squeezes till Dean’s feel warm, and he looks at Dean as he does it, and Dean’s noticed now, and he’s staring at their hands, held between their chests, and he’s looking such awe - this delicate, beautiful wonder which makes Cas demand from himself why he hasn’t done this before. 

Somehow, as the seconds pass, Dean quietens. 

And as Cas holds on - simply holds on, running the pads of his thumbs on Dean’s skin, Dean’s chest stops heaving. He still looks dazed, and is breathing heavy, when Cas moves insufficiently closer, swaying into Dean’s space. 

“Will you let me try again?” Cas asks, in the same voice he’d have asked, do you trust me, and Dean understands it. 

He keeps looking at their hands. 

“Will you let me take you flying?” Cas says. “And we can hold hands, or if you’ll let me, I can hold you, and I promise it’ll be alright.”

There’s nothing, for a while. 

And then, Dean’s right thumb twitches, tracing the second knuckles of Cas’s fingers, and Cas feels a shadow of solace go through him, nervousness mingling with grace in his veins. 

“I’d let you take me anywhere, Cas.”

Cas feels his heart swell. Dean looks up slowly, seeking out Cas’s eyes, and Cas holds his gaze, and just like that, they’re back to saying things without any words. 

You fell from Heaven. Pulled me out of hell. We’ve been to purgatory together, so believe me, I’ll go to the corners of the world with you. 

“Maine?” Cas ventures, with growing confidence, for a smile - history assures him that Dean’ll join in, and he almost does. Only a wisp, but it’s there. 

“Yeah, but fucking hold me, okay?” Dean huffs, and it’s such a relieving sound of mild exasperation, more than a reach for normalcy, and Cas adores it. He knows Dean isn’t alright - not yet, and he doesn’t know how long it’ll take in the long run, but he knows he’ll be there for Dean. Through all of it, and on the other end. 

This is the farthest they’ve gotten, too. Dean’s hinted at these issues before, but he’s never had a breakdown in front of Cas - or anyone, and he’s never not backed off into a shell, after. This Dean is trying, and it’s wonderful. And it’d be growth, if Cas had ever looked at Dean Winchester, through the lens of an all-knowing immortal, like he’s not the most incredible being in the world, but a specimen, an experience - a phenomena to be analysed. 

Cas looks on, trying to dissect the way Dean’s eyes stay glued to his, unconsciously, and trying to read Dean through them. He can sense faith, and hope, and his resolve is renewed. 

“Well, we’d have to let go, first.” Cas points out, slow, and Dean tentatively does it first, ending up with his arms on his side again. Circling back to awkward, and adorable in his nervousness. But Cas doesn’t let him fold in, and retreat into himself, because now that he’s got Dean saying yes, and Dean asking him to, of course he’s putting his arms around him. 

Of course, he’s putting a hand on Dean’s hip - and drinking in the subtle responses of his body to Cas guiding him closer, and his other hand goes to rest on it’s eternally demarcated place on Dean’s left arm, as he looks up at Dean with all of the admiration and reverence he feels inside, trying to coax it into his eyes, and it’s not even a fraction of a millionth which makes it there, but Dean still blushes, so maybe for now, it’s enough. And then Dean’s hand grazes against Cas’s elbow carefully - because Cas hasn’t asked Dean to touch him yet, (so he doesn’t), but oh, how he wishes he would.

“How are you, Dean?” 

“I’m going to close my eyes.”

“How would you know you’re not scared if you closed your eyes?”

“How do you know I’m not going to be scared?” Dean throws back, still vulnerable, but a lot more himself. It’s a challenge, a flame disguised as a rhetoric, but Cas treats it like a question. And answers, as plainly as he can.

“Because now, you believe in me.”

It’s not a lot of words, and not the most eloquent Cas has ever been, but it conveys so much that it almost stuns Dean again. He nods, jerkily.

I’ve always believed in you.

Dean waits.

Trust is not the same as belief.

Cas decides it’s not worth this moment wasted, to stop for supplies or guns. They can circle back for them. This is it. Dean’s ready right now, and Cas wants to show him how beautiful it can be - and how with Cas, Dean never needs to fear flying.

Castiel would, and has given up his life for Dean Winchester. He’s charred, ruined, and lost his wings. Yet now, the angel shall show him how to live, on those very wings. Life is a string of poetic ironies, threaded together by choices. Love is the first pearl, and courage is the last.

“Cas.” Dean breathes out, as Cas starts to dissociate, focusing himself deep within. Dean stares openly, for Cas’s eyes are closed now, as he reaches through the realms to gather himself. “Of course, I believe in you.” Falls from his lips in an awed whisper, and the sound of his voice is still too much for the frailty of the moment.

That’s when it happens.

“I love you.” Cas lets out, because it seems far too important that Dean knows, and there’s limits to implications which can’t hold him back anymore. They’re going to fly together. 

Dean’s eyes widening is the last thing he sees, before he needs to concentrate his grace again. It feels like giving in to an old habit you’ve had to live without, more than a lover you’ve moved on from - and Dean’s hands grabbing onto him don't even register as they take off. His grand, celestial wings flap, and time hurls them out of their reality. 

Everything fades, and with the sounds, borders, and colors, so does Castiel - once again, heavenly. Everything goes away, stripping their hearts bare and momentum flickers on their skins, as ethereal, sky-like wings render the only one who remains, speechless.

Beholding the magnificence of his angel, love resonating through his ribs, Dean keeps his eyes open. 

*

It never takes too long.

Dean holds on to Cas, with arms clinging around his neck, until the end. It feels like he’s gliding - but somehow also like he’s driving hands-free in the clouds, though he’s surrounded by too much of everything for it to be the sky. He’s not terrified, but he’s overwhelmed, and he’s goddamn living- hell, he’s never lived this much in a breath, because the second he’s trying to replace the oxygen in his lungs, he finds the chasm of warped space start to dissipate. 

The ground under his boots returns, just like that.

He breathes in air - cold, real air, in the middle of a field which is certainly not Kansas, with a full-blown smile on his face which he’s not even thinking about. It still feels like he’s floating, to some imaginative part of his consciousness. It makes his heart slower, and shoulders lift, and he’s unjustifiably happy, and peaceful, and to hell with being afraid, he feels content.

Dean Winchester feels brave again. 

Maybe it’s because of Cas’s words. Maybe it’s because his arms are still fastened around him. Or maybe it’s because, Cas. He’s everything. Dean's been an idiot to have been trying to ignore the things he feels, because if he’d gotten here sooner, he could’ve had more of Cas looking at him like that, and Cas’s hands planted warmly on his sides, and Cas just smiling at him from this close. 

Now, he’s determined to make the most of the time he’s got. 

When Castiel slowly opens his eyes, looking composed again - and a little proud, definitely pleased, almost too lovely, Dean doesn’t hesitate. Doesn’t wait for the voice in his head to catch up, and start second-guessing what he’s wanted to do forever. Dean just lurches forward, grabbing the trenchcoat lapels to reduce the gap, and kisses him. 

Cas responds almost right away, pushing back into the kiss, and Dean, with all of himself, and letting both arms circle Dean’s waist and shoulders, ending up impossibly close. Dean cups Cas’s face, tilting it towards himself, as he kisses him with everything he’s ever felt. There’s gratitude, and apologies, and need, and want, and then there’s the love, and that’s where he stops thinking. 

“Cas, I -” Dean pants, running out of breath. They’ve stopped kissing, and are simply paused in the moment with their foreheads leaned into a reassuring touch. Dean’s waiting to hear himself say it, and he hopes Cas is, too. “I - god, Cas - I love you too.” He takes a full breath. “I love you so much.”

And then Cas breaks into a smile, chest heaving as well, with the corners of his eyes wrinkling, and lips pulling up, and Dean gets to lean in and kiss him again, and he gets to tell Cas he loves him, and tell Cas he loves him every morning, and every time he feels like it’ll burst out of his chest if he doesn’t, and he gets to want Cas to hold him, as they fly, and -

Goddammit, he gets Cas. 

And that’s a happy ending, if Dean Winchester’s ever dreamed of one. 

[schrijverr]

Taking a Break

After his stunt with the documentary, Dean takes a break. He uses this time to get to know his foster daughter that is practically family, Claire. The kid of Castiels cousin. She fits in great!

Part of the Famous Husband verse, which is also a series.

On AO3

Ships: Destiel

Warnings: Claire comes from foster care, which wasn’t always the best place to be. And there is a short bit about Cas and Deans youth which also isn’t the happiest, but nothing too grand. Tell me if I missed anything!!

A/N: I tried my best, but I know nothing about foster care, sorry

~~~~~~~~~~~~

After his stunt with the documentary about Cas, Dean didn’t post for a week, leaving fans to freak out from afar. But when he’d had his fun he posted a short video.

“Hi Hunters, it’s me again. It’s been a while, I admit, and this is a pretty short video for everything that happened in the last one, but I feel like I owe you an explanation.” Dean started.

“The last video about Cas wasn’t real, sorry if you got your hopes up or were scared and confused, but me and the others wanted to try something different and thought this would be a fun idea. Joking about Cas being an immortal angel has been an inside joke we’ve had for years now and seeing some comments about it gave me the idea.” Dean went on.

Then he said: “I’m not going to tell you all how we did it and I’m not going to tell you what’s real and what’s not. I quite like the mystery around it and I enjoyed all off the theories you guys came up with. I mean, I saw one connecting Cas to the Man in Black, which I thought was pretty clever and cool.”

“Anyway, this is not the point of the video. I mean, it sort of is, but also isn’t.” Dean paused and took a breath, “I am also announcing that I am taking a small break, nothing major and I will be back. I am not sick or something, my mental health is the best it has been in years, but sometimes you just need a break, so that’s what I’m doing right now.”

He waved and said: “So this will be it for the time being, till after a while. Bye Hunters, see you on the road!”

Then the video ended.

~

Dean posted it and turned off his laptop. He then walked over to the mirror and inspected himself again. He wasn’t wearing a suit, but he was wearing his nice clothes. They had someone special to meet today after all. He walked over to Cas, who was wearing a suit, and asked: “Are you okay?”

Cas shrugged and said: “Honestly? I don’t know. I barely knew Jimmy and Amelia and it’s been such a long time, I don’t know if she would even want to go with us or if we can do it, if we’re ready. Or if she even likes us. We cannot replace her parents, Dean.”

Dean put his hand on Castiels shoulder and said: “Hey, it’s gonna be okay. We’re going to fuck up, sure, but we are going to love her, no matter what, yeah. We’re going to try our damn hardest to raise her as well as we can and to give her a family.”

A tear leaked out of Deans eye that he quickly wiped away, but Castiel wasn’t much better off, so they just gave each other a watery smile, before hugging each other tightly.

Neither had gotten the best youth there was. Dean had been carted around the country until he was fourteen by a grieving father, forced to care for his little brother, before Bobby had put a stop to it and taken them in. Cas had grown up as a small gay boy in a very religious household as the youngest with brothers he felt he could never be as good as, before being nearly thrown out when he had come out. He had spend two years traveling, before he felt mentally ready to take the next step and go to college, leaving most of his family behind.

But now they had a chance to save a kid from a fate like that, a fate with no family, all alone.

Jimmy was Castiels older cousin. They hadn’t been close, so he and Dean had been quite shocked to find out he and his wife had died a couple of years ago and that their daughter was now in foster care.

Her name was Claire and she had bounced around homes for a couple of years now, until she had gotten into one with a better administration, who had actually taken the time to search for family that could take her in. Dean and Castiel hadn’t been the first one contacted, but they had been the ones, who had said yes the moment the woman had explained the situation over the phone.

It had been pure coincide that the documentary lined up with this. At first the plan had been the upload regularly again after week, but when they’d gotten the news, Dean had decided that a break was better.

They were silent on the drive over to the home, only opening their mouths to introduce themselves to the women from child services. She took them into a room and told them to sit down, while she went and got Claire.

Dean and Cas looked at each other, nervousness rolling off them in waves. In order to ground them both, Dean grabbed Castiels hand and squeezed it, smiling slightly as he felt Cas squeeze back

Then the door opened and the woman from before entered followed by a scowling blond sixteen-year-old. She had heavy eye make up and wore a black hoodie and gray jeans. Claire didn’t look like she wanted to be there, but the woman either didn’t notice or pretended not to, as she sat Claire down and said: “I’ll leave you three to it to chat for a moment, get to know each other, while I ready the paperwork.”

Once she was gone there was an awkward silence in which no one said anything. In the end it was Dean, who broke it. He smiled and stuck out his hand as he said: “Hi, Claire. It’s nice to meet you. I’m Dean, this is Cas or Castiel.”

She looked him up and down and raised a brow at him, but she did shake his hand with a curt: “Nice to meet you.”

Dean wasn’t deterred as he went on: “So, I know this must be a bit sudden and we don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything like that, but we just want to give you a home. We aren’t planning on being a temporary stop.”

That got her attention. She glanced at them, a little hope creeping into her eyes, before she pushed it away and huffed: “Yeah, sure.”

“We are serious, Claire.” Castiel said, deciding that opening his mouth was a smart move.

“Yeah, everyone means that, until I live there and they know me.” Claire shot back, “Why should you two be any different.”

“For starters, we already signed up for long-term fostering and second, we don’t give up on people.” Dean said.

Claire laughed and mocked: “‘We don’t give up on people’ what sort of motivational book have you read? I mean, do you even have any experience on not giving up on people.”

Dean was starting to feel a headache coming, but he also knew a teen that has been disappointed time and time again by adults like the back of his hand. Honesty would be the best option, he decided, so he leaned on the table and said: “I’m gonna be real with you, kid. I’m probably not cut out to be the best parent, but I do know a thing or two about raising people, yeah. I’ve raised my little brother since I was four and that wasn’t the easiest. I know what it’s like to bounce from home to home, never having a stable place to live. I was fourteen when I got that and that is two years earlier than you, but it made a difference. I went to college, I have a home, I’m married. I never thought I’d get that when I was your age. So, if I get to give that to someone else, I’m gonna grab that chance with two hands. Make it a competition if you will, see how much bullshit you can pull before we give up, because you can wait until you die if you try that.”

Both Claire and Castiel were silent after his little speech. Claire was processing everything while Cas gave her the space. He knew what Dean had been through and he knew the determination he had when it came to people he considered family.

After a few moments Claire nodded and said: “Alright, challenge accepted.”

Dean smirked and asked: “Shake on it?”

Claire rolled his eyes, but shook Deans hand again. Right at that moment the woman came in with the paperwork and before they knew it they were standing in front of the building with a Claire and two suitcases.

Dean showed her to their car, proud of his Baby. Claire frowned for a second, then said: “Hey, that car looks familiar.”

Giving her a look Dean asked: “Really? Where from?”

Claire shrugged: “Some boy at another home loved this YouTuber guy, I think he had a car like that. Big and black and old. I don’t know exactly, who it was.”

Behind her back Dean looked at Cas with big eyes. He had expected her to know him, but he also hadn’t really thought about his fame when they’d said yes to fostering her and now he was floundering about what to tell her. Claire noticed and eyed them suspiciously as she stated: “You know something.”

“Uh,” Dean said, “Yeah, I, uh, kind of am that YouTuber guy, I think.”

“Did you just do this for views?” she accused them, “Of course, all that bullshit about believing in stuff and shit. Fake. Just a money whore, great.”

“What? No!” Dean exclaimed, “I’m not- what? I hadn’t even thought about it.”

She gave him a disbelieving look and said: “Sure.”

“Really. I haven’t said anything about this on my channel or any of my social medias. I’m taking a break now, actually, to get to know you and get you settled in. I’m not planning on using you to get views, what kind of sicko would I be if I did that.” Dean said.

“And why should I believe that?” Claire asked.

“Well,” Castiel answered, “He’s edited me out of his videos for nearly seven years, because I was uncomfortable with the idea of being on camera and he’s stated in a previous video that he would never subject a child to the attention his channel gets him.”

Claire still looked like she didn’t believe them, but got into the backseat none the less, making Cas and Dean sigh a relived breath they hadn’t realized they were holding.

The ride back was awkward and the minutes seemed to pass like hours. After a while Dean had put on one of his cassettes, but it hadn’t been much of an ice breaker.

Once they were at the house Dean grabbed Claires suitcases and showed her to the room they’d cleared out for her. For now, she only had an air-mattress lying on the floor and Dean explained: “We wanted you to pick your own furniture, since we didn’t know what you liked. We hoped to go to IKEA tomorrow if it’s alright with you?”

Claire shrugged: “Sure.”

Dean said: “We can leave you alone for a while if you’d like. Or we can do something together. You can explore the house if you want. It’s up to you.”

“I think I just want to be alone for a second.” Claire said.

“Okay,” Dean smiled, “We’ll call you when dinner is ready. We’re eating burgers, hope you don’t mind.”

“No, I don’t.” Claire said absentmindedly as she took her suitcases from Dean.

When she was alone in the room she let herself drop onto the air-mattress and laid there for a moment, going through the last few hours in her head. After that she grabbed her phone and earphone as she opened YouTube and typed in ‘Dean’.

Two hours later and Claire had watched nearly all the videos Dean and Cas had done together. Her fears of being used for views had dampened considerably and she felt a bit more secure when she went down for diner.

This time she actually looked around some more. The house was nice with white walls and shiny floors. On the walls were pictures, all family pictures it seemed, although it was of a ragtag group. She recognized Sam and Charlie from the videos she’s watched, along with Bobby, Jo and Gabriel.

She stopped at a wedding photo and took it in. Dean was in a neat suit and Castiel in a dramatic wedding dress. They were looking at each other, just looking, but she could see the love in their eyes and smiles.

Her gaze wondered over to another picture, this one was of Sam and Dean. They were leaning against the car she had sat in hours before and both held a beer in their hands. They were laughing about something, she didn’t know what, but they looked happy.

Then there was a big family type portrait that had everyone in it. Sam had his arm around a blond girl, Jess, Claire thought her name was. Charlie and Jo were making a silly face, while the three older adults looked tired, but amused. Gabriel was giving Cas bunny ears, but the man didn’t seemed to notice. He was too busy staring into Deans eyes.

Claire smiled at the wall of pictures, before hurrying downstairs, trying to find the dining table.

Dinner was weird. Dean and Cas asked her questions about what she liked and her hobbies and interest, while she tried to get to know them a bit better. It wasn’t until Cas grabbed his third burger that things got a bit more comfortable.

When he reached for the burger, Dean snorted: “I should’ve filmed you eating burgers for my docu, sunshine, then everyone would’ve believed me. The amount you eat is abnormal.”

Cas pouted as he looked at Dean and he sulked: “I’m not weird, you’re just as bad.”

And that was true, Dean was steadily making his way through a second burger and both men knew he would probably eat a third one after. Claire watched the interaction and laughed a them, startling them both before they laughed as well.

After diner the three sat on the couch and watched a bad action movie with a big bowl of popcorn. Claire went to bed with a smile on her face and a hopeful bubble in her chest.

The next day was a Monday and Cas sadly had to go to work, Claire was still home to get used to the sudden change, but she would start school on Wednesday. All the reason to get her room in order today, Dean thought as he woke her up at nine AM.

She grumbled and moped, but inhaled the pancakes with vigor and by the time she had finished her coffee she was ready to make plans. Dean asked: “First things first. Do you want to paint your room?”

Claire shook her head and Dean nodded as he went on: “Okay, so now we need to decide how you want to furnish your room. Do you want a Queen sized bed or smaller? Broad or deep desk? Do you need a big wardrobe or a small one. Do you want a book case, a rug, something else? Oh and do you need more clothes?”

Claire blinked a bit at the barrage of questions and Dean rubbed his head when he realized it and said: “Sorry, bit much in one go.”

Claire nodded, but still answered, thinking hard about each answer. Then they were off.

IKEA had been quite the experience, with a lot of mattress testing and getting lost, but in the end they got all they needed. Claire now had a desk with chair, a Queen sized bed plus mattress and pillow etcetera, a wardrobe and shelf. She had felt quite bad that Dean had to buy so much stuff for her, but it also made her feel wanted, like this was permanent.

They loaded everything in the back of the car, Dean grumbling about how he missed Baby. He and Cas had switched for the day, since Castiels car could fit more stuff. Claire rolled her eyes at Dean and didn’t feel all that bad when he got offended.

After that they quickly dropped the boxes off at home and went to the mall to find Claire a bit more clothes. She had most stuff, but Dean had insisted she’d get some new outfits and Claire hadn’t really disagreed. Before they went in Dean turned to her and said: “It’s probably not going to happen, but if someone recognizes me. You can just walk away, pretend you don’t know me. Understood?”

“Understood.” Claire replied, “Although I don’t get what the big deal is.”

“Well, most people are nice and chill, but other will scour the entire Internet in the hope they find you and that can be shit and fricking annoying, so if you don’t want to be known, don’t know me if it happens, yeah.” Dean answered.

Then he pushed open the car door and went inside. An hour later they were done, now the proud owners of a lawn flamingo who had sunglasses on and some more clothes for Claire.

Back at home Dean looked at all the IKEA boxes and told Claire: “I know how to take apart a car engine and put it back together, but I can’t promise anything when it comes to IKEA furniture.”

Claire laughed, believing it was a joke, but when three hours had passed and they hadn’t gotten together more than her bed she wasn’t laughing anymore. Dean was struggling with a screw on her wardrobe when she couldn’t take it anymore. She pushed Dean aside and said: “Go, let me do this. You just do the heavy lifting. God, you’re hopeless.”

It wasn’t until after she was done with the screw that she realized how rude that had been after everything Dean had done for her, but her pride stopped her from apologizing. Although she dreaded to look back to Dean. When she finally got the courage she was surprised to find Dean smiling, she asked him what was so funny and he only said: “Nothing.”

But Dean was happy that Claire was comfortable enough already not to walk on eggshells around him, trying to please him in the hopes of keeping her. God, knows he had been a nervous wreck the first few months at Bobbys until Bobby had snapped and told him to stop acting like an idjit.

With Claire in charge the furniture was halfway to being completely done by the time Cas got home. When they heard the front door, Dean perked up immediately, but didn’t leave the room until Cas had called out to them and Claire was also going.

He greeted Cas with a kiss and asked him how his day had been, while Claire hovered in the background. Castiel told him it had been good, before returning the question. Dean turned to Claire and said: “Maybe you can answer that?”

Claire hadn’t expected it, but she tentatively started to tell Castiel about their mattress testing adventure in IKEA and how they had ended up buying a lawn flamingo. And by the time Dean had gotten diner on the table she and Castiel were discussing old cold cases, which they had discovered a mutual interest in.

The next day was filled with more furniture building and chilling on the couch, while at night Claire made her way through more of Deans channel. She was hesitant to bring it up, but she did like the videos. Most of them were stupid, but overall entertaining and it seemed Dean really liked what he did, although the car videos couldn’t be more boring.

Then Wednesday came and Claire had to go to school. She was going to the same school Cas taught at, but they had arranged that she wouldn’t be in his classes. She also took the bus to school instead of driving with Cas, to avoid being seen with him. Claire wanted to make friends on her own, not because of Cas and Dean and she also didn’t want to be seen as weird.

Her first class was English, she didn’t mind English all that much, but she was nervous as hell to enter the classroom. She didn’t let it show on her face, however, allowing the teacher to introduce her before sitting down on the third row.

When they were allowed to work in groups on the homework assignment, Claire assumed she’d be working alone, but from beside her a girl leaned over and stuck out her hand. She said: “Hi, I’m  Rey. Nice to meet ya.”

Claire shook her hand and mumbled: “Claire.”

Rey wasn’t deterred and gestured over to another girl and said: “That’s Mary.” the girl in question waved, “Want to work with us? We were supposed to do some research before this lesson, but I assume you didn’t do it, so you can use our sources if you’d like.”

Rey and Mary seemed friendly enough, so Claire shrugged and said: “Sure, thanks.” before pulling up her chair at their tables.

It wasn’t until they were mostly done with the assignment that Claire realized, who they were and how they knew her. Well, what were Dean and Cas? Not parents, hm, caregivers? Sure. Anyway, Rey had turned to her and asked: “Hey, do you know Dean? He’s a YouTuber, his husband works here at school. Me and Mary really like his work, although he’s taking a break now, but you should check him out.”

Mary nodded: “Yeah, he did a fake documentary about his husband being an angel recently, it was pretty good. I made some drawings for our Insta account, where I made an angel AU.”

Claire didn’t really know how to proceed. She liked the two girls, but they were talking about the guy, who had just taken her in with the intention to adopt her one day. So she stammered: “Uhm, yeah, sounds cool. Might look at it later.” and instantly facepalmed internally.

Rey and Mary grinned and Rey slung an arm around her as she said: “I think we’re going to be good friends.”

The rest of the day went by normally. Claire sat with Rey and/or Mary whenever they had a class together and she also joined them during the breaks. She didn’t say much and mostly listened to them talking about a variety of stuff, but she didn’t really mind. She’d gone to school that day expecting to be alone for the rest of her time there, like she’d always been, but instead she’d already found two girls she might call friends.

That night at dinner Dean asked them both how their days had gone. Cas answered first, just telling them that it had been good and about one of the kids, who had accidentally burned half his homework, how he had done it was still a mystery to Cas.

Then the attention was turned to Claire, who played with her food a bit while she said: “Good, it was good. Met two girls and talked to them, they seemed to like me.”

Cas and Dean both smiled and Cas said: “How nice. Want to tell us their names?”

Claire looked away then answered: “Uhm, Mary and Rey.”

Dean chocked on his food a bit, before he recovered and spluttered out: “That’s, that’s nice. Uhm, so what did you, what did you guys talk about?”

Claire was pretty pleased with that reaction, it had been pretty funny. She decided to mess with them some more saying: “Well, they recommended a YouTuber to me, I think his name was De-an or something?”

Dean opened and closed his mouth a few times while Cas still looked at her with big eyes. She went on as if she hadn’t noticed: “Yeah, apparently his husband works at our school, isn’t that cool?”

It was quiet for a moment, then Claire couldn’t suppress the grin she had been fighting the entire time. When Dean saw he grinned as well and said: “You little squirt, stop messing with us.”

With Deans reaction Cas also smiled as he shook his head. Then he said: “They are students of mine. They can be a bit overwhelming, but I hear you managed.”

Claire shrugged: “Well, it’s not like I’m much of a talker, so it was nice just to listen instead.”

“Good.” Castiel said.

“But I didn’t tell them about you guys.” Claire went on, “I don’t really know how to go about that. I mean, it seems like hiding, but otherwise it would feel like they don’t like me for me, but for you guys and I don’t want that.”

“Hey, you don’t have to tell them anything, okay.” Dean said, “Hide us as much as you like. We can always embarrass you later.”

Claire rolled her eyes, but a weight was lifted off her shoulders as she took her next bite.

Later that night she went downstairs to grab her earphones, which she had left on the counter. Dean was still awake and she wanted to greet him, before she realized he was on the phone. She stopped and listened to him as he said: “I know, Bobby. She should get to decide when to meet you all and I don’t want to force her or anything, I’m not dumb.”

Bobby said something on the other side and Dean replied: “Yeah, I should, but I don’t know how to begin to talk to her. I’m new to all this. I don’t want to ruin this.”

“Hey, hey, slow down on the insults, old man.” Dean smiled and was quiet for a second as he listened to Bobby, then he went on: “So, you think I should just ask her?”

He nodded at the answer, then asked: “But when, Bobby? How do you know when to ask someone ‘Hey, by the way, we suddenly took you in and we hope you like it here want to meet more random strangers?’ That’s not really something you want to hear when you’ve just uprooted your life.”

Bobby obviously said something, because Dean replied: “Yeah, but that was different. Me and Sam had already seen Jody in passing and we had met Jo before we went to school with her and Ellen watched us from time to time. Claire doesn’t know any of you all.”

“Yeah, I know she has to get to know you all some day, you’re family.” Deans eyes lit up suddenly, “Bobby, you’re gonna be the grumpy grandpa you were always meant to be! And Sam can be the nerdy shit uncle and Gabe is probably going to be the bad influence and don’t get me started on Charlie and Jo.”

“Yeah, all hope on Jody and Ellen.” Dean laughed, then he got serious and said: “But really, Bobby. Thank you, I’ll see if there’s an opportunity to ask her.”

Claire took that as her cue to go, she quickly backtracked out of the doorway and grabbed her earphones before hurrying back up the stairs.

The conversation she had overheard played in her mind that night. When she had seen the picture wall, she had realized that Dean and Cas had a bigger family than just the two of them, but it hadn’t clicked until now that she was going to be part of it as well. That she would have to meet them and hope they liked her too.

She stayed up longer than she was supposed to that night. Just staring at the ceiling and walking to different scenarios, most ending badly.

The days after were more awkward than the ones before had been. Claire didn’t want to have The Conversation and Dean didn’t know how to open it with her evasive behavior. Leaving her to mostly talk with Castiel.

Castiel, she decided after a while, was pretty cool. He was a dork and kind of weird and sometimes he reminded her so much of her dad that she had to blink and look away for a second, but he also listened to her and talked to her like was an adult, something she desperately wanted.

Which was also why after a week of awkwardness between Claire and Dean, he sat down next to her and bluntly asked: “Did something happen between you and Dean?”

She quickly wiped away the look of surprise and shook her head. Cas went on: “Do you want to tell me, why you’ve been trying to avoid him then? You two seemed to get along.”

She bit her lip, then decided to come clean: “We do, he’s alright. I, I just heard him talking on the phone, with Bobby and it was about me meeting everyone and how to bring it up, but I don’t want him to bring it up, because I’m scared that when I meet everyone you consider family they won’t like me and you guys don’t want to keep me anymore and I like it here. For the first time I like it somewhere and I don’t want to loose that.”

Tears were streaming down her face and Castiel pulled her into a hug and held her close. After a few seconds he whispered to the top of her head: “We will never leave you, okay. If you’re not ready to meet anyone yet, then we won’t force you, but we won’t leave you, if someone has a bad opinion about you. But if you want to know, I really don’t think anyone will.”

She met his eyes shyly and softly asked: “Really?”

Castiel nodded and answered: “Really, the people we told already really want to meet you. I got a message from Charlie yesterday, asking if you liked Lord of the Rings, because she wanted to marathon it with you. And Gabriel is already planning to prank Dean with you. They haven’t even met you, but they already like you.”

Claire burrowed herself into his side again and whispered: “Thank you.”

Cas smiled: “It’s no problem, Claire. Are you going to talk to Dean about this?”

He felt her nod into his chest and decided that was good enough as he squeezed her tightly.

Later she apologized to Dean about her behavior, but he waved it away and also pulled her into a hug when she had explained it to her.

He said: “You don’t have to meet anyone.”

“I think I want to.” Claire said, then softer: “But I’m really, really scared.”

“Well, then we start small.” Dean replied, “You get to pick, who you want to meet, sound good?”

“Sounds good.” Claire smiled.

That Friday they had dinner at Bobbys along with Sam, while Jess had decided to stay home and leave them together. When they walked up to the front porch Claire suddenly stopped. Dean and Cas looked back at her and Dean said: “It’s gonna be good, just relax.” as Cas smiled and nodded.

They allowed Claire to knock and waited for Bobby to open. Bobby was dressed in his usual attire and Dean smiled as gave him a hug and he happily cried out: “Bobby!”

Bobby rolled his eyes as he returned the hug and said: “Yeah, yeah, I haven’t been missing for month or something, you know.”

“We know, Bobby.” Cas said with a smile as he also gave him a quick hug, then he laid a hand on Claires shoulder and said: “This is Claire.”

“Hi.” Claire said, awkwardly as she waved.

Bobby gave her a big smile and greeted her: “Hi, Claire, it’s nice to meet ya, I’m the one, who raised that idjit over there, he’s a bit of an idiot, but he means well.”

Claire laughed at that and Dean gawked a bit before turning to her and saying: “Don’t listen to him, I am very smart. He’s just an old grump.”

From down the hall a younger voice yelled: “Bobbys right, Dean. Don’t try and defend yourself. Now come here!”

“Sammy!” Dean called back happily, practically running into the house to greet his brother.

Cas rolled his eyes at his husbands antics and shared a knowing look with Bobby, before he ushered Claire inside. He warned her: “Sam is pretty tall, but he’s a puppy, so don’t be intimidated.”

Claire first found that a bit overbearing, but when she came eyes to chest with a huge guy with floppy brown hair, she did appreciate it. He had an open smile as he stuck out his hand and said: “So, you’re this Claire I’ve heard so much about. I’m Sam is nice to meet you.”

She shook his hand with a small half smile as she lightly joked: “Only, good things I hope.”, but Sam could hear the serious and scared undertone.

He replied: “Of course, you seem like a cool young lady.”

Beside him Dean laughed: “‘Young lady’, Sam what are you? Eighty? You’re just eight years older than her.”

“Whatever, Dean.” Sam rolled his eyes, “It’s not like you’re the most mature person.”

Dean grinned: “Nah, that’s Cas. He’s ancient.”

“God, don’t remind me of that.” Sam said, pinching his brow, “I got messages for weeks.”

Claire lit up and asked: “Oh, the documentary?”

Everyone turned to look at her and she blushed as she quickly looked away and mumbled: “Seemed like a good way to at least get a sense of where I ended up.”

“So did ya like it?” Dean asked her.

She shrugged and tried to play it cool: “It was obviously a parody, how people thought it was real I’ll never know, but it was fun. Well done. The editing was good.”

“Nice.” Dean said.

“God, are you done stroking your own ego. I’m hungry.” Sam whined.

“Like you need to get any taller, sasquatch.” Dean told him, but he sat down at the table next to Sam.

Castiel sat opposite to Sam and gestured to Claire to take place next to him, so she would be opposite of Dean, while Bobby sat at the head of the table. Claire was glad that the others seemed to have enough conversation to get through, before they turned to her. It gave her the chance to get used to the two new presences.

Sam seemed nice. He was obviously a younger brother, with funny and smart quips to put Dean down a notch. But he also could have good conversation with Cas, mostly about some boring History thing, Claire didn’t care for too much.

Bobby was less approachable, but he seemed like he was happy with the people at his table. When Sam and Dean were ribbing each other he got a proud smile on his face and he also engaged Cas in conversation, but they talked more about obscure religion, which piqued Claires interest, since her family had been pretty religious as well. So, after Bobby said something about an older version of the bible that mention something called a leviathan, she asked: “What’s that?”

She got a look and she added: “A leviathan?”

“Well, according to an old text I found they predate angels and all other living things. They were beasts and the reason God created Purgatory, because he needed to lock them away before he created other life, since they were so destructive.” Bobby explained.

“Cool.” Claire said, “Can you imagine if they walked the earth.”

“I imagine that would be quite apocalyptic.” Cas commented.

“Yeah, probably.” Claire sighed.

Bobby ignored Cas and told Claire: “They were also called Chompers, so what do you recon they’d look like?”

Claire though about it and answered: “Maybe something with a huge mouth or something.”

“Oh, yeah. Maybe they’d look completely normal and then sudden BLAH, their whole face turns into a mouth and they’d swallow you whole.” Dean said excitedly.

“No, no,it’s Chompers, right? So, they’d need multiple bites, just blood everywhere.” Claire said, also getting into it as she gestured with her fork.

“That’s cool.” Dean said, “Maybe they would have like these rows of sharp teeth, like those worms from The Hobbit or that one fish. Cas, what was it called? The one with the light.”

“Angler fish,” Castiel replied, “but they don’t have multiple rows.”

“Oh.” Dean said, but Claire got the picture: “Oh, I know those! They do have sick teeth. That would be epic.”

Sam now also inserted himself into the conversation: “How cool would it be if they could body hop or something. I mean, you would think you were talking to a person, but it would be a leviathan and then suddenly you’d get attacked.”

“They were never described, so it could be.” Bobby said.

“Cool.” Claire and Dean exclaimed in sync, before turning at each other and laughing.

And just like that the stiffness that had hung in the room dissolved as the conversation just flowed between the five people there. At the end of the night all went home with smiles. In the car Cas turned to her and asked: “Was it as bad as you feared?”

Claire shook her head and answered: “They were nice. It was good.”

“I’m glad.” Dean grinned at her, then stepped on the gas.

Over the course of the next few weeks Claire slowly met the others. She and Dean went to drink something at the Roadhouse, where Ellen introduced herself. Claire had soon decided that she was cool and then Jo came over as well and she and Claire got along like a house on fire.

Charlie came over for movie night and it turned out that, she was the lesbian aunt Claire needed in her life. They’d bonded over the Bond Girls and over their taste in movie snacks.

Gabriel had just called her one evening to help set up a prank, which she did happily. The next morning he was in their house to film Dean getting soaked in soap. He and Claire high-fived and Dean ranted for a while, but stopped at Claires grin and smiled back with a fond eyeroll.

She met Jody last, when Dean couldn't pick her up from school in the week the bus didn’t drive due to a malfunction. She felt a bit weird when she climbed into the front of the cop car. She had driven a few times in the back of one, when she had ran away, but never in the front.

Jody smiled at her and introduced herself. Claire didn’t really know how to act around her during the short drive, but Jody, it turned out, was great at sensing what you needed. So, she just chattered on a bit about her day.

They were almost at Claires home when she asked: “So, how do you like it with Dean and Cas. Are they treating you okay?”

That threw her a bit for a loop, so far no one had asked that in such a serious way, or without Dean and Cas present. She shrugged and admitted: “They’re great. They’ve done so much for me and I could never repay them for that. It’s really nice, having a family. It turns out they are very serious about adopting me and are trying to get through all the paperwork. And that’s, that’s just amazing.”

Jody smiled and said: “Good to hear I don’t have to have a stern talking to with them.”

“Oh, no, please don’t. That’s not necessary.” Claire quickly said.

Jody chuckled and reassured her: “I was kidding.”

“Oh, okay. Good.” Claire responded.

“Did you tell them?” Jody asked, going on with a serious tone, “What they mean to you?”

“Uh, no. Not yet.” Claire confessed.

“Maybe you should do that.” Jody said with a smile, “You don’t have to and they probably already know, but it’s nice to hear.”

Then the car stopped and they were in front of Claires home. Claire thanked her as she got out and said her goodbye. Jody did the same, but before Claire could close the door, she said: “Just think about it, okay?”

Claire didn’t know that Jody was the shoulder Dean cried on and the person he told all his worries to. How he had asked her about parenting tips and what to do and called her asking if he was doing it right. Sending her updates and questions.

But Claire did listen to Jody, so that night she laid in bed and thought about what to do. She had always been a pretty distant person, no matter how much she cared about people, but usually that didn’t matter. Usually the people she was living with wanted as less to do with her as she with them, this was different. Dean and Cas wanted her, they wanted to be her parents.

An idea shot into her head.

Jimmy would always be dad in her mind, but there were more words than that. Father felt too formal, but Pops was good. But she had two dads, so she opened Google and looked. Papa, that was another one. She put her phone away with a smile and a plan.

She was brimming with nervousness the next morning at breakfast. Dean had gotten up as well and was making pancakes, while Cas was still upstairs stumbling tiredly through his morning routine. She was eating and stopped halfway through her stack to take a deep breath. Dean turned and looked at her with a worried expression, but Claire wouldn’t be deterred. She asked: “Hey, Pops, is Papa taking all the pancakes or can I have half for lunch?”

Dean mouth fell open and it seemed like he was broken. For a moment Claire got worried she’d done something wrong, but before she could ask she was wrapped up in two strong arms.

Still wiping the tears out of his eyes, Dean gave her a kiss on her forehead. He whispered: “Thank you.” then after one last squeeze, he smiled and asked: “Pops?”

She gave him a shove and said: “I could’ve picked old man or geezer, so watch it.”

Dean put his hands up in surrender and said: “I’m not complaining.”

Still a bit unsure, she asked Dean: “You’d think Cas will like it?”

“He’ll love it, sweetheart.” Dean told her with a smile.

Then Cas stumbled downstairs and filled his bees mug with tea as he mumbled a sleepy good morning. Claire waited until he was a bit more awake, before she asked: “Hey, uhm, Papa, want to give me a lift to school today?”

Cas let the fork clatter out of his hand and just stared at her for a second. Dean ruffled his hair and said: “It’s polite to reply, angel.”

That snapped Cas out of his state and he fell over himself to tell that of course she could get a lift and did he mention he loved her?

Claire smiled at them a warm sense of comfort wrapping around her as she watched the two, who had taken her in smile at her and each other in the soft light of the morning. She smiled even more when she got all the pancakes and Cas a sandwich to take to school.

When she walked into English that day Mary and Rey noticed her good mood and ever curious Rey asked: “What are you smiling for so early in the morning?”

Claire plopped down in her seat and replied: “I called my foster parents, my parents this morning for the first time.”

That got their attention instantly and Mary said: “Congratulations!!” then she said: “I didn’t know you were in the system.”

“Yeah, oh and congrats, of course.” Rey added.

Claire shrugged and said: “It’s not really something I advertise, but it’s really cool. It’s my dads cousin, the foster home found him and contacted him. I fit really well, they’re planning on adopting me when they can.”

“Wow, that is so cool!” Rey said excitedly.

“Yeah, I’m so happy for you.” Mary added, “Makes our news a little less exciting.”

“Oh, what was it?” Claire asked.

Mary and Rey looked at each other, then Rey blurted out: “Dean announced yesterday he was going to start uploading again!”

Claire had already known that, Dean had been busy the past two weeks with filming a few videos in advance, so that they would be ready, but it had slipped her mind that it would be today. She smiled at her friends and said: “That’s great.” and then because she couldn’t help herself: “I have to admit you two got me hooked, I’m excited to see what he does next.”

[lesbiansforboromir]

Suppose boromir did make it to the end of the saga of lord of the rings, how would he navigate his relationship with Aragorn? And what if Denethor also survived? Would he come to accept Aragorns kingship over the course of their journey? Part of me is inclined to say yes, but I don’t have as good of a grasp on his character as you do

So listen… this came 18 21 40 days 3 months ago but I’m a sleepy bastard so I couldn’t muster the passion it deserved but nOW I’m here so! 

I have to reinforce that Boromir doesn’t care whatsoever about Aragorn’s kingship one way or the other during the Quest. He’s only ever going to manufacture an opinion on it as an when he needs too. Gondor’s safety is his primary priority. So discussions upon Boromir’s denial or acceptance of Aragorn’s kingship are really only going to occur after Sauron’s defeat.

Lets take this in parts because Boromir managing his relationship with Aragorn alone vs Boromir doing it whilst his dad still around would be wildly different. Denethor takes up a great deal of emotional space.

So, for ease of understanding, lets say that in the Denethor dies verse Boromir stayed with Aragorn after the siege at Pelargir and sailed with him up the Anduin so he doesn’t arrive in time to stop his father from burning alive. Then, in the Denethor lives verse, Boromir actually rides directly to Minas Tirith, either from the paths of the dead, or the moment Pelargir is secured. Either way he’s speedier and arrives in time to sneak past the armies and enter Minas Tirith, saving his father from his despair and breaking him from Sauron’s grasp. 

Lets also say that Boromir and Aragorn maintain their kinda easy back-and-forth trusting friendship all the way through till here so we’re jumping off a knowable baseline. After Boromir returns to Helms Deep from his recuperation in some small Rohir hamlet, he arrives as a positive and trusted voice and a bolster to Aragorn’s confidence. Aragorn didn’t tell anyone what happened with Boromir and Frodo, which is a point in his favour and a very good reason for them to just put it behind them for now. Boromir’s back and Aragorn had been holding onto that guilt until now. It’s good for everyone. They’re all glad to see him. 

So with that decided! Beginning with Denethor dying and Boromir becoming Steward, the first thing we have to deal with is who the hell tells Boromir that #1 his dad is dead and #2 that Faramir is dying. I’m inclined to believe it’s pretty rough, I think Boromir’s return is something that’s almost feverishly grasped upon by the Soldiers of Gondor and they demand a lot from him, guidance, reassurance, a sense of purpose. It takes a while for him to manage to pass up through to the higher levels of the battered city. 

Now the only people who know about Denethor’s death are Pippin, Gandalf and a few Citadel Guard and I think Gandalf certainly passes Boromir by a few times without telling him squat. Perhaps there’s a brief ‘I am surprised you live!’ but little else. I’d say he finds out about Faramir first, through following Aragorn up to the houses of healing, already a shock to his system. He looks for his father but is still battered by demands and it’s quite a bit later that he’s told by a Citadel guard about his dad’s death. Which ALL is like… rough. Gandalf definitely told Aragorn what’d happened. He just didn’t think it was his job to tell Boromir. Because Gandalf’s like that! Sorry! He is! So it isn’t until like close to the songs of mourning that anyone lets Boromir know Denethor’s dead. Also that Denethor’s body is still under rubble too. 

Which is… woof, a rough image huh? Boromir probably hears of his death first, not any specifics, there’s so much to be done. But then his body isn’t present at the funeral and he turns to Aragorn and heartbreakingly asks ‘where is my father’ and Aragorn has to look him in the eye and tell him he forgot. He forgot to send anyone to dig through the rubble to find the body of Boromir’s father. And man that certainly crumbles a good few months of bonding between them huh? Boromir probably goes to do it himself, declining Aragorn’s help. There’s a seed of distrust planted for how much Aragorn truly cares for Gondor, her heritage and the people who’d been sacrificing themselves to defend her. 

Anyway essentially this starts Boromir off on a rocky footing. And it only goes downhill from there. There’s a GOOD bit admittedly. There’s a bit where Aragorn comes to heal Faramir, as Imrahil and Boromir fearfully stand over him. And even Boromir’s staunch manner cannot help but find some amazement and a hint of the instant fealty in Faramir’s eyes as he awakens like magic. 

And then Boromir sets aside all his feelings to focus on a battle and be the leader of men everyone needs him to be. And it’s good, it feels good to make plans with Aragorn, especially now that they are in HIS element where men know and believe in him, the seat of HIS power. It levels their interactions somewhat, they are equals here. So it feels good to do that, and it feels even better when they WIN. They probably find each other in the scrum, they probably embrace, they’re probably just so elated that it’s over, together. Even if this victory cannot mean the same thing for Aragorn as it does for Boromir, who’s picking at such things? It doesn’t matter, they WON. 

But then… He finds out what was said between Gandalf and Denethor from Pippin, the lack of care or respect, how lost Denethor’d been at Faramir’s side. Gandalf had rid Theoden of Saruman’s dreadful curse, why hadn’t he even tried with his father? The obvious answer to Boromir is Denethor did not want Aragorn on the throne but Gandalf did and that made Denethor’s survival less than important to the wizard. And with this realisation he’s put in a difficult position. 

He’s crowned Steward pretty quickly and sets at his task with the vigour of a man very much trying to avoid grief. It’s not the time. Now is the time to talk about reparations, peace treaties, rebuilding, medical funds, housing, refugee care, and OH MY GOD FINE I GUESS ALSO THE KINGSHIP. It’s uncomfortable, Boromir knows he likely shouldn’t be equating Gandalf’s actions with Aragorn’s. But… it’s right there! The even MORE EXTRA awkward part is Faramir’s now awake and he’s walking and talking and even more Royalist than ever. The fact that Boromir is dawdling over a coronation is, in his mind, clear evidence that Boromir wants that seat for himself. Is he not grateful that his King has returned and saved his brother? 

So Boromir gets a brief latency period where Faramir’s just happy he’s alive and then a more complex one where they’re not-grieving-really-but-sort-of grieving their father, but that’s all way harder and more emotionally problematic than arguing over the kingship and getting way too angry about it so they shift into that mode asap. 

Now I should say here, even Boromir isn’t stalwartly going to deny Aragorn the Kingship. The line of Kings has a nearly religious right to it, and Aragorn does have a claim sort of we all guess kinda, along with a lot of prophesised evidence on his side. He FEELS like the King Returned, and after all his heroics you’d be hard pressed to find anyone in Gondor who STRICTLY disagreed with him taking the Throne in general. Gondorian culture puts a lot of stock in doom and their past and prophesies and the like. But the devil, as always, is in the detail.

Three distinct camps are created in Gondor’s political sphere. The Cautious, a band who agree with Boromir’s careful approach of taking each step properly and making sure all parts of their new constitution under a King are thoroughly agreed upon. They want a new constitution. 

The Royalists, headed by Faramir, who believe the Cautious are trying to drag this out for as long as possible in order to weedle more power for themselves and their families out of these discussions and undermine the power of their rightful king. They want to dig the constitution that had been in place during Anarion’s reign out of the Archives and reinstate it wholesale without even an amendment. 

And the Annoyed, headed by the Master of Waters and other union leaders, who could not give a flying fuck about all this and really wish the council would get back to actually running the damn country, good GOD give us money before the whole plumbing system collapses in on itself and takes the city with it. They want whatever piece of parchment will let them get back to work, although their members are also divided on how much they revere a king returned.

It doesn’t help that Boromir is NOT good at this. He’s not a bad Steward, perhaps he could be called a good one. But after Denethor’s example? It’s not even a comparison, there is no way for Boromir to measure up to Denethor’s skill in this arena, nor Faramir’s for that matter. And in all honesty there probably ARE some players within the ‘cautious’ sphere of Boromir’s supporters that DO want to ensure their power isn’t diminished with the coronation of a new king, Boromir wouldn’t be so adept at knowing what to do with them, he needs supporters! He’s very much caught between a rock and a hard place.

This period is rough, it’s exhausting, it involves a lot of talking, just days and days and days of it. It involves motions being passed in one assembly only to be thrown down at the next. Boromir and Faramir’s relationship is the rockiest it has ever been and Imrahil’s just so upset with all his family’s internal fighting after losing their patriarch, he doesn’t know what to do! Denethor’s sisters both put their support behind Boromir after hearing of the treatment of their brother, which causes even more strife within the Stewards. Some of their children don’t agree with them. Utter madness. And Imrahil can’t take sides between his nephews! Even though his reputation and influence would definitely sway the discussion one way or another, he refuses to do it, it’s CHAOS. And all the while the Dunadain are in their seperate sphere, getting more and more angry because really they don’t know why there needs to be any discussion about this at all. In their mind, Aragorn’s the rightful King and should have been accepted with only unending gratitude, along with those who’ve been faithful to his line. 

Aragorn has a better grasp of this, he knows what’s expected of him and some of what the issues are, a lot of the talking surrounds Aragorn inviting Boromir into his tent (that he still keeps, flying his banner and everything, reminding everyone of how this still isn’t settled) and them talking and arguing and agreeing and then disagreeing. Aragorn will bend somewhat to Boromir’s demands, for the Steward’s position to be protected and maintained, defined as a close and powerful advisor with strict protections against being susceptible to bribery so that there’s some reliable oversight on a King’s dealings. But he refuses to give the Stewards any definable powers, he refuses to give up any of his executive power to debate or voting, he refuses to be bound by other’s decisions or take on any of the obstructions that the Stewards had during their rule. 

And the discussions around this range from generally good talks, perhaps even followed by a little of their old natural banter, a kind of humorous agree to disagree, to just… god just the most bitter and furious of fights. Aragorn is used to men bending under the weight of his displeasure, as is Boromir, and when that works on neither party they resort to louder and louder and more genuinely angry words. 

Aragorn calls Boromir a faithless friend and says Faramir must be right, he IS power grabbing. Boromir demands to know how Aragorn can be such a hypocrite to say such a thing, when he arrives here after a thousand years and demands a crown that was never Isildur’s to hold. Aragorn throws up his hands in frustration, declaring that Boromir and Gondor refuse to learn the lessons of their past and refuse the infinite wisdom of the Eldar whom have known what is right for a millenia now. Boromir’s near disgusted, barking a cruel laugh and saying he is not surprised Aragorn’s speaks so, he should have known that Aragorn is still nothing more than an elf in man’s clothing, who cares and knows nothing of the people he wishes to rule. Aragorn asks what more Boromir wants from him, has he not proven himself? Has he not succeeded in his tests, where Boromir had failed? What right does Boromir have to judge him?

This draws them both up short, the cruelty of everything said saturating the air. For Aragorn, there’s a taste of guilt to it that he refuses to admit now. For at the time, he had known Boromir’s loss to be his fault and the breaking of the fellowship had been one of his few great failures. Boromir’s voice isn’t loud but malice is apparent as he slowly replies that it is not him that Aragorn must measure himself against, but his Father, a man Aragorn had done nothing but abandon, malign and ignore, and yet if not for Denethor there would be no country left for Aragorn to rule over. Not to mention every Steward before him. Denethor lost his wife, his youth, his sons, his sanity and his life to the defence of Gondor, what does Aragorn know of that kind of sacrifice? Nothing. Nothing at all.

It’s a while until they speak again, but Boromir makes a decision in the mean time. He cannot be acceptably neutral in this decision and, at this point, the stalling of government has become far too dangerous. Using his executive powers, he insists that there will only be one vote to pass any and all motions from now on, no more repeals, and the Council must be decided within a fortnight. This declaration both wins him the support of The Annoyed, and loses him support from many Lords within his own faction. He decides he doesn’t care, which as a strategy works surprisingly well in his political sphere. He’s happy to weather the consequences of bad decisions and he is not his father. 

With the shock of this sudden rush to completion, no one has any time to continue their lobbying or machinations. Even Aragorn is barely able to keep up with the proceedings, especially since he still cannot enter the city. Councillors and Lords hurry from one chamber to the next, civil servants are run off their feet trying to assign and inform everyone upon the dates and times of particular votes, it’s messy. However, mess levels the playing field.

In the end, with the new support of The Annoyed, an amended version of the old constitution is drawn up. In particular, treason is redefined. Lords have more allowance to speak against a King’s word. The Stewardship’s two capacities are redefined to more befit the times and the position of Warden of the White Tower is also put into more solid writing. The majority of it is more an edit of language. More moral and honourable emphasis is put upon unity and agreement and less upon a King’s divine word. To go against his vassals wouldn’t be illegal for Aragorn to do, but it would be legally frowned upon, which is at least enough of a basis for further legal challenges and can give requests for freedom of information more power in the long run. Gondor is a nation built upon it’s honour and morality after all. 

Everyone’s left in kind of a state of shock afterwards, surprised they managed it, exhausting, confused. Except apparently for Boromir, who’s remained remarkably calm throughout. Even with this very watered down version of what he apparently had wanted, he’s obviously content with it. Faramir’s surprised by this too, he and Boromir are too different in this regard. Where Boromir’s passion is for the agreement and process, Faramir is focused on perfect results. 

So! With less pomp and ceremony than it should have, Boromir goes to present Aragorn with this proposed constitution. Aragorn reads it and has it read by a few of his people. Faramir is present and ensures Aragorn know he has the right to refuse it and propose his own. It’s a whole thing. But, in the end, Aragorn agrees to the terms and, in a far more lavish ceremony, both he and Boromir sign the new document and make a public agreement. Boromir offers Aragorn the Steward’s sceptre in service, Aragorn makes his speech, Boromir makes HIS speech and asks all the gathered people of Minas Tirith if they’ll accept Aragorn as their king and they give a resounding affirmative cheer and Aragorn FINALLY stops sleeping outside and comes into the city to make ready for the coronation. 

But then, what of Aragorn and Boromir’s relationship? I think there’s some mollification for them both with this move. Aragorn’s mollified that Boromir got this done. Boromir’s mollified that Aragorn accepted it. And then just time lets things simmer down. Bad blood is still there, most particularly on Boromir’s side, but they find a working relationship. I honestly don’t think it’s ever what it was when they were on the Quest. They just aren’t the same men anymore, they don’t quite have the same goal, nothing is simple any longer. I think they find a new kind of friendship which allows for more up and down relations, gives more allowance for them to just be annoyed with each other. I don’t think apologies are ever forthcoming from either of them but it needs to work so they make it work. 

Aragorn needs Boromir to help him through this knotted thicket of a country, to be guided in this culture he’s not been a part of for forty years. And Boromir gradually is aware and accepts that Aragorn’s heart is in the right place, he does want to be good for Gondor, and his greater and more decisive powers certainly help push through change that they’d never been able too before. 

But does Boromir ever truly accept Aragorn’s kingship as the best and right thing to do? I think he still has his doubts. Aragorn might be a good King, but what of his son? And his son’s son? They did not just give all this power to Aragorn, they gave it up to a thousand unknown royals of the future and Boromir often asks himself if he made the right choice. He doesn’t have the same sense of faith as most Gondorians, the same reverence for the past. I think he’ll always wonder if Denethor would have approved, if Denethor might have done better than he did.

… Lets answer that question!!!

Yes he would.

 I- god I’m not going to go into the detail of before because this is already at 3000+ words, but Denethor’s mere presence chills everything out a great deal. This man has a near legendary track record in both wisdom, cunning and dedication to his responsibilities. As much as the Lords of Gondor remember Thorongil the great Captain, Denethor was their Captain-General long before he arrived. Denethor went to war for decades, Denethor held the country together through thick and thin and Denethor is universally trusted in at least his motives and purposes. No one who has dealt with Denethor truly believes he’s coveting power. 

With Denethor there’s no mess, there’s no distress or confusion. Denethor lets everyone know what’s happening. He knows which Lords are playing for their own power, he knows which of them to trust, he and the Master of Waters have been good friends for years, and he’s well trusted amongst the unions. With that all in play, the number of the Faithful is smaller than it might have been, and Faramir, whilst being definitely a thorn, is not so powerful when pitted against Denethor’s weight of experience. He also has Boromir on his side still.

I do think Denethor would conceed to Aragorn’s coronation, after all there’s just so much prophecy and timing and divinity to it all, and Gondor is a nation that puts a great deal of stock in gestures and how right something feels. Denethor knows that intimately, and a new age with a King might be actually very profitable. But Denethor has a new constitution draw up, voted on, and agreed to by nearly the entire council, before it’s presented to Aragorn. And this is his arena, they might be mental and physical equals, but Aragorn can’t win against Denethor’s time spent. 

This constitution has checks, it’s got balances, it’s got a defined and clear path to dethroning an unliked King and the kinds of abuses of power that could be it’s catalyst. Aragorn’s power is significantly reduced and tied to a more Steward-like system of government. And Aragorn has to bloody well accept it, because that’s what he’s going to get. He isn’t all that put out, in the end, it’s just another challenge to overcome. And you know what? He and Denethor do reconcile. Just simply by virtue of being so damned clever, and knowing that their hearts are both in the right place. That age old respect comes back to the fore and they remember how enjoyable it was to just talk to each other. Honestly I’d say Aragorn and Denethor’s relationship ends up being better than his and Boromir’s in the end. They’re just so damn alike and with the both of them at Gondor’s helm the country is really speed boosted into a bright and blinding golden age. 

… holy FUCK we did it lads, I’m gonna pass tf out now adIEU 

[borathae]

↳ The Index [#10 Hurt You]

Genre: Heavy Angst with some Fluff sprinkled over it

Wordcount: 12.5k

a/n: I am so sad, the story is over and I feel so sad. First of because I don’t want it to end yet, but mostly because writing this chapter made me legit cry. Like wow okay. Thank you so much for reading my story and for sticking with me on this angst-filled journey that was "Cherry Blossom Trees" Love you all!

You swallow, nerve-induced butterflies fluttering in your stomach. Should you even open? You know it won’t end well if you do. Still your hand wraps around your doorknob to twist it open.

“Hoseok it’s two in the morning”, you groan sending him an annoyed glare, “what do you want?”

“I came to talk. I can’t take it any longer Y/N. Please will you hear me out?”

You sigh, massaging the bridge of your nose. He’s got some nerves coming here in the middle of the night and demanding to talk. You don’t look at him, your eyes are feeling far too heavy to open them right now. So you are just raising your head, watching him through half-lidded eyes.

“Seriously? Couldn’t this wait till tomorrow?” you groan, making Hoseok shake his head.

“No it couldn’t Y/N. I waited long enough. I wasted too many nights tossing and turning in my cold bed with my thoughts racing and my heart aching for you. Please just hear me out Y/N”, you don’t miss the urgency in his voice, it’s enough to send a jolt of fear through your system.

He definitely made you curious right now. You sigh, rubbing your dry eyes to get them wet again before finally looking at him.

“Fine come in. You don’t need to take off your shoes, I planned on mobbing the floor tomorrow anyways”, you say, letting him step into your apartment.

He smiles, ridding himself of his jacket to hang it on the coat hook next to yours, revealing that he was wearing nothing more than his pyjama bottoms and a loose t-shirt. You didn’t expect him to actually be wearing his sleepwear. So he wasn’t lying when he said that he was tossing and turning in his bed. You can’t deny that it makes you all the more nervous right now.  

“Can I sit here?” he asks pointing at your sofa. Your eyes stare at his arm, his fingers are shaking unbelievably. Is he, is he nervous?

You nod slowly, before sitting down, taking one of your pillows into your hands to hold onto. He follows your actions, drying his sweaty palms on his pyjama pants before folding them on his closed thighs. His leg is shaking up and down, something he always does when he was nervous.

“So what did you want to say?” you ask him, when he does nothing more than to stare at the drying bouquet of flowers on your coffee table.

“Please tell me honestly Y/N. Are you ever going to come to a conclusion?”

Your stomach clenches.

“What conclusion?” you ask, despite knowing exactly what he was talking about.

“Who you are going to choose of course. I just-”, he sighs, “-I need to know if there is still hope for us.”

Now you are definitely scared shitless, your throat feels as dry as sandpaper, your heart racing in your chest.

“Hoseok”, you pause making him turn his face to look into your eyes, “it’s not as easy as you make it seem”, you say the first thing that came into your panic-filled mind.  

“Really? Because you have been giving me very clear signs lately, I think you just don’t want to admit yet too scared that it might ruin the fun”, he practically growls the last word as if angry. You know he isn’t really angry, more hurt than anything else.

You lower your head, feeling ashamed all of a sudden. Was he right?

“Hoseok”, you can’t help but groan. You rub the bridge of your nose, sighing loudly. He can’t be right, you are clearly trying to forget him and move on with Yoongi. You can’t want him still.

“No, don’t Hoseok me right now. I’m right, aren’t I? You are still in love with me, but are trying to deny it to yourself. That’s why you can’t say anything right now.”

You look at him for a few seconds, trying to come up with an answer. This can’t be. You can’t be in love with him still. There is definitely something you are feeling, however you would call it attraction more than love. Yes, you are still attracted to Hoseok for sure. He is beautiful, you can’t deny that. As much as you can’t deny the fact that you had been practically staring at his lips ever since he came into your apartment or that your heart had started beating faster ever since. Is your heart supposed to beat faster for a person you are merely attracted to? Are you supposed to miss the person when he isn’t with you and feel happy the moment you are close to him again? Are you allowed to daydream about him at the most random times of your day and smile every time he secretly sends you a sweet text? Shit. He was definitely right.

“Hoseok we have spent nearly six years of our lives together. You were my first love, of course I will always feel something for you”, you say. Hoseok smiles, his eyes sparkling in hope. “But it’s just-“, you stop, something in his look had called your attention.

The same hopeful sparkle, he had when he first sat down next to you at the lunch table, glistens in his eyes right now. His jawline had become sharper over the years, and he definitely grew into his nose. Not that his nose wasn’t beautiful before, it was ethereal in fact. It’s just that adulthood and the manlier stature that comes with him makes Hoseok practically glow with beauty.

You blink and when you open your eyes again, you nearly lose the ability to breath. He looks so young all of a sudden, is it as if seventeen year old Hoseok was sitting in front of you. Is it the cap he is wearing or the old band t-shirt he had ever since he was a teenager? You swallow, avoiding his hopeful eyes to rather stare at the floor.

“I can’t break up with Yoongi just like that, I promised to marry him and I am not going to break that promise so easily”, you mumble, internally cringing at your answer.

“You must be kidding Y/N, even after all we have been through lately?” he groans shaking his head in disbelieve, “You don’t even know this man”, he scoffs.

Your head snaps up to stare at him in annoyance. Did he actually just say that? The audacity.

“Of course I know him, I wouldn’t have agreed to marrying him otherwise!” you say, your voice louder than initially indented.

“Judging by how heartbroken you had been by the revelation that he kept something from you or by how shocked you were he had beaten me up you don’t actually fucking know this guy.”

You scoff, outlining the inside of your mouth with your tongue.

“Of course I know him”, you retort. You don’t have to keep sitting here and listen to Hoseok throwing accusations at your head. But truthfully you don’t even know what you are trying to defend at this point, Hoseok is right. Again.

“Really? Then tell me what’s his favourite colour, his favourite food, his favourite movie?”

“Black, cold noodles and Tazza”, you say in one breath, smirking victoriously afterwards.

“Wow good job, you know the basics. Now tell me how is he going to react the next time he’s angry mhm? Is he going to punch holes into walls or even worse go straight for your face? Tell me how is he going to be when he loses someone close to him? Is he going to push you away and tell you to just fuck off? Tell me how is he going to be when money runs short? Is he going to stay by your side and keep fighting or is he just going to run off to make it easier for him?”

His questions take you by surprise, your breath hitching in your throat.

“I, I don’t know”, you mumble, looking away in shame.

“You don’t know?” Hoseok asks and you can feel that he had scooted closer, “these are the important things you should know about a person before agreeing to marry them Y/N. Not just their favourite movies or how they like their eggs in the morning.”

“And I knew all of these answers concerning you?” you spit looking up to send him an evil glare.

“Sure you did, we got angry at each other countless times, even over the silliest things. You helped me through my heartache when my uncle overdosed, just like I helped you get over your grief when your grandfather died unexpectedly. And don’t get me started on that one time we had the great idea to open up our own book shop and nearly lost all of our savings in the process”, he retorts and you can feel your confidence crumble with every new thing he lists.

“I-“, you stutter.

You look down to your feet, too embarrassed to keep looking into his eyes. Your gaze wanders to his feet, he is wearing the shoes you had gotten him as a present, you hadn’t noticed before. You smile, so he didn’t lie to you about keeping them.

“We really did experience a lot together didn’t we?” you mumble raising your head.

“Yeah we did”, he answers before reaching out to cup your cheek, “and I don’t want to throw that away Y/N. The last few weeks have been like a dream for me, one that I didn’t think would actually become reality. And I don’t want this dream to end, I want it to turn into my life again. Please Y/N don’t replace me with someone you don’t even know that well”, he continues, caressing your skin.

Here it is again, that honesty with his feelings. Your heart flutters in excitement.

“Since when are you so open with your thoughts?”

“Since I am desperate and I want nothing more than to win you back. I swore to myself not to repeat the same mistake that made me lose you the first time Y/N. I will tell you all of my thoughts and worries, and, and my feelings, if only you let me again”, he tells you cupping your other cheek as well.

You want to reach out as well, touch his blushing cheeks and kiss his soft lips. Your heart yearns for his touch, for his hug and his fingers tangled in your hair. You shouldn’t however, knowing very well that if you give in to your urges this time around you won’t be able to return.

“Hoseok I really appreciate it, I really do, but I just-”, you sigh, “-I don’t know”, you mumble so quietly you are afraid he might not have been able to hear you.

But he did. His hands fall from your cheeks with a loud sigh leaving his turned-down lips.

“I swear to go Y/N, if I hear ‘I don’t know’ one more time from you, I’ll literally lose it”, he groans, “Just for once, just once tell me the truth. The honest fucking truth, even if it hurts me, because honestly I can’t take this game any longer. Either you end it now and let me go or you come back to me and let Yoongi go. I’m tired of playing your little game.”

You swallow down the lump that had formed in your throat.

“Why would you make me choose Hoseok? I honestly don’t know what I want!” you say, the desperation clear in your voice.

“Is that your final answer Y/N?” he asks, already standing up from the couch making you jump up as well.

“Hobi wait!” you yell, clutching onto his arm.

He looks at you, clearly surprised by your reaction, studying your face with raised eyebrows. He stays silent, waiting for you to continue talking.

“I, I don’t-“, you sigh, “Hoseok I’m sorry I don’t know, I really don’t. I know that I like Yoongi and I just don’t want to hurt him. But the last few weeks showed me that my feelings for you never went away and I’d hate to lose that. I don’t know what I want Hoseok. I don’t want to lose neither of you. Please don’t make me choose”, you say, grabbing at his hand in an attempt to find comfort.

He lets you take it, gently tracing circles across your skin but despite his loving gestures his expression is angry.

“So what are you suggesting? That we keep this a secret from Yoongi?” he asks.

Your eyes grow big. You look at him in utter shock. Did he really just suggest that? And why did your heart do a flip in your chest when hearing it?

“Would you want that?” you ask, despite your mind telling you not to.

He scoffs, taking a step back, letting your hands fall from his.

“I can’t believe you Y/N”, he says, shaking his head, “So you want to make me your side bitch, to whom you can crawl every time your dear husband-to-be annoys you?”

“No, don’t say it like that Hobi”, you plead, stepping forward to close the distance between the two of you.

You want to take his hand again, but don’t dare to, letting it fall to your side again in the last moment.

“That’s exactly what it is Y/N and I won’t sugar coat it. Just as I won’t sugar coat my answer right now. I’m fed up Y/N. I don’t like Yoongi, but using his trust like that is cruel and he doesn’t deserve that, just as I don’t deserve to be your little secret fuck buddy. It really fucking hurts, just so you know. So yeah, I’ll go now and I promise you, you won’t see me again. I’m tired of being kept on stand-by”, he says, turning around and walking to your front door.

No, no please dear god no. He isn’t supposed to leave, not like this. He is supposed to hold you, he is supposed to tell you that everything will be okay and that he will wait for you until you sorted out your feelings. Please don’t let him leave you, you need him. Your heart needs him.

“Hobi don’t”, you croak out before your voice breaks into a quiet sob.

He ignores you, taking his jacket from the coat hanger instead, not even caring about putting it on but rather throwing it over his shoulder. He turns his head, looking at you. His look falters for a moment when he sees the tears streaming down your face, but it quickly becomes cold again. He sighs, turning around.

“You know where to find me, if you change your mind”, he mumbles before opening the front door and stepping into the cold night.

You rush after him, throwing yourself against the door, so he won’t be able to close it. He isn’t supposed to leave, not when you want him so badly right now. You need to tell him, just tell him that you will be doing everything in your power to get this relationship to work again. You just need to promise him that it will be him that you want to hold.

“Hoseok, please wait!” you yell making him stop at the uppermost stair. He turns around, smiling at you with sad eyes. Your throat constricts the words you wanted to say suddenly gone from your brain.

“Just in case I will never see you again. I love you my angel. I always will”, he says, closing the distance between the two of you to press a gentle kiss to your forehead.

Your eyes flutter shut, your fingers grabbing at his t-shirt to keep him close.

“Sorry, I just had to steal one last kiss”, he whispers with his forehead pressed against yours and his eyes closed. He gently rubs the tip of his nose against yours, before putting distance between you, making your fingers slip from his shirt.

“Hoseok-“, you try again, only to be interrupted by your sobs. You don’t want him to go. Him going means the end of your relationship and you don’t want that.

He smiles at you, despite his glassy eyes.

“It was good seeing you one last time Y/N, please be happy in your life”, he says before turning around and descending down the stairs.

You look after him, your cheeks burning underneath the hot tears streaming down your face. You want to scream his name, but your voice stays silent. You want to run after him, but your feet refuse to move. All you can do is clasp your hands over your trembling mouth to keep your sobs from spilling out of you and watch him drive off.

He is gone. He is really gone.

You run back into your apartment, slamming the door shut before throwing yourself stomach first onto your bed. You bury your face into your pillow, finally letting the sobs fall from your lips. Stupid, stupid mouth of yours! Why didn’t it work in the most important time of your life? You could have saved everything, he would still be with you now, his arms holding you close, if only you had managed to opened your mouth! Hoseoks words echo in your mind over and over again. He doesn’t deserve to be kept a secret, you can go back to when Yoongi annoys you. Yoongi…Your sobs become louder, the guilt you are suddenly feeling mixing with the aching of your heart. Hoseok’s right, Yoongi doesn’t deserve this, he is a good, soft-hearted man and he doesn’t deserve to be lied to. A painful sting rushes through your chest, making your curl up into a ball. Oh, what you wouldn’t give for some comforting words right now.

Your eyes wander to your phone on your nightstand, your arm already reaching out to get it. You grasp it, unlocking it and sobbing once again when Yoongis smiling face appears on the screen. Why does your heart do this to you? You were happy with him, it felt so right with him. You sob again; you can’t take it any longer! You need to call someone! Anyone!

You open your contacts, scrolling through your favourites and stopping at Seokjins name. He is probably still awake, reading through his scripts. You press his name, the option to call him showing up. But then, he was angry enough at you when he saw you with Hoseok at the club. You sigh, no you definitely don’t need someone to yell at you right now.

You keep scrolling before stopping at Taehyungs name. Yes, he will understand, he will listen to you and not judge you. After all he is your longest friend. You press call, holding your breath when it dials. Let’s hope that he isn’t sleeping yet. It rings again, and again, and again. Suddenly.

“Hey this is your boy Taehyung speaking, I’m busy at the moment. Please leave a message after the peep. Peeeeeeeep”, Taehyungs voice message, which he had ever since college, rings in your ear.

You sigh in frustration, ending the call before throwing your phone as far away on your bed as possible. New tears shoot to your eyes, your whole body starting to shake. All you wanted was someone to take your mind off of your heartache. The universe really wants to punish you for your sings apparently.

You don’t know how long you are lying in your bed with tears streaming down your swollen face. As you don’t know if you actually ever stopped crying before sleep finally overtook you. The loud ringing of your phone wakes you the next morning. You groan, opening your heavy eyes. Your head aches unbearably, so does your throat. Your phone rings again, making you groan in pain whilst reaching over the grab it from wherever you had thrown it last night.

“Hello?” you answer it without even looking at the name of the caller. Your voice sounds rough, the words coming out cracked.

“Did I wake you princess?” Yoongis deep morning voice greets you.

Pain dugs at your heartstrings, making you furrow your brows. Don’t cry right now!

“Yoongi hey”, you whisper.

He chuckles, but your face stays stone cold. You are not in the mood to laugh today.

“Hey.”

“Hey”, you fall silent after that before realising that you needed to speak, “uhm, what did you need?”

“I just, I kind of had a bad dream and I needed to hear your voice. I waited until five minutes before your alarm would go off, so you wouldn’t lose too much sleep”, he tells you.

Well, at least he is considerate you have to give him that. You hum to buy yourself some time to get your heart to stop aching. You clear your throat before sitting up, your back leaned against your pillows.

“What was it about?” you ask, trying to sound as concerned as possible.

“I was all alone in this world, literally all the people I loved and cared about left me and I had no one to talk to or to hold me. It was awful”, he tells you before releasing a shaky breath.

You close your eyes, feeling yourself tear up already.

“That sounds scary, but don’t worry it was just a dream”, you force out and he hums.

“Thank god”, he says before groaning loudly, “I can’t wait to live with you princess. I want to hug you so bad right now, but I can’t because I am literally half the world away.”

You feel sick to the stomach at his words. Do you even want that?  

“You are literally only one district away”, you scoff.

“That’s too much I can’t survive in this long distance relationship any longer princess, we need to find a place to move in together asap”, he whines.  

This is scaring you. It is straight up scaring you! Just don’t let Yoongi notice your fear now. You force a smile to your face before speaking. You had once read an article that smiling whilst talking on the phone makes you appear friendlier and more invested in the conversation to the other person, and you are trying exactly that with Yoongi right now.

“You are such a drama queen I can’t believe you, but sure let’s look for some apartments soon”, you tell him and your smile falls from your face.

Why is the thought of moving in with Yoongi scaring you so much all of a sudden?

“Should I take my laptop to lunch today? We could already start whilst eating”, he says and you shake your head despite him not being able to see you.

“I can’t today. I, I will be having lunch with Namjoon and Taehyung today”, you say the first thing that came into your mind, “As a matter of fact I, I can’t eat with you for the remaining days as well. Our boss decided to take on four big projects at the same time, so we practically have no time for lunch breaks. I’m sorry I hope you understand”, you lie and he sighs.

It is better this way, you can’t bear to see him today or any other day really. He will understand, he always does.

“I was looking forward to eating with you. But fine I’ll forgive you, but only if you make it up to me”, he whines.

You roll your eyes. Was he always that clingy?

“Sure I will, if you want we can have this steak date on Saturday night”, you tell him and you can hear him laugh.

Maybe hanging out with him will actually make you feel better again? Either way you need to keep up the façade for him.

“Saturday night? Ugh baby that’s literally three days away I am going to die of missing you so much. But sure, sounds like a plan to me princess”, he giggles excitedly, “Yesss, I am so happy right now! I can’t wait for Saturday to come, eventhough I still have to prepare a lot”, he babbles and you can just imagine him throwing himself onto his back to grin at the ceiling.

“If you need me to help you with something just tell me”, you say and he hums.

“No it’s okay, you are stressed enough with work already, I can manage alone don’t worry about me I am a strong man”, he tells you and despite his joking tone it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth.

You proved that very well when nearly destroying Hoseoks face, you think to yourself.

“Wow should I be turned on now?” you say instead laughing awkwardly afterwards.

“I mean, I’m not mad if you would be, you know I like the idea of the two of us being on the same level of constantly wanting each other”, he jokes and you can hear the smirk in his voice.

“You are so dirty I can’t believe I am dating a pervert”, you whine and he gasps.

“Pervert? Excuse me sweetheart? I am far away from being a pervert or is wanting to make my fiancé feel nothing but blissful pleasure something to be ashamed of?” he defends himself making you blush.

This was definitely unexpected right now. You can’t deny that it made your heart flutter in your chest. ´

“It’s literally six in the morning and you are already thinking with your dick?” you groan and he chuckles.

“You know me I am always ready to rumble”, he says and you can hear him move around on his bed. “What are you doing right now?” he asks and you know very well where he wants this conversation to go.

“I am literally going to work in half an hour so don’t even think about it”, you scoff rolling your eyes.

“What?” he asks sounding as innocent as ever, suddenly he gasps, “Did you actually-? Wow okay baby and you dare to call me a pervert”, he scoffs and you roll your eyes.

“Don’t act all innocent right now Min Yoongi, I know you”, you chuckle and he joins, his deep voice sending heat to your cheeks.

“Fine, fine I’ll stop now, I have to get ready for work as well so I’ll let you off for now”, he laughs.

“Thank you I appreciate it”, you sigh, taking a glance at your alarm clock afterwards, “hey Yoongi I really need to go now, I don’t want to run late for work.”

“Hm? Oh, yeah sure I don’t want to be the reason you lose your job, so despite my heart aching for hearing more of your sweet voice I’ll let you go” he says and you shiver from cringing.

He really does like being cheesy.

“Thank you I’ll get going then. See you on Saturday”, you tell him and he hums.

“Yeah see you on Saturday and good luck with work, you can do it baby I believe in you”, he says and you hum.

“Thank you”, you mumble.

“Love you princess”, he adds but you have already hung up on him.

Jesus he annoyed you right now. Why does he have to call you first thing in the morning and take so much time from your morning schedule? You groan, jumping out of bed and running into your bathroom to wash yourself. Couldn’t that have waited until Saturday? It’s not like you don’t see each other often enough. You run into your kitchen, turning on your coffee machine and peeling an already browning banana afterwards. Since when is he so clingy? You gulp down the still hot coffee, it burns your throat but you don’t have time to whine about it, you still need to put on some makeup. But then, he is just like he always is and you normally love how soft he is. So why does he annoy you so much today? You rush out of your apartment once you have finished styling yourself. Is it because of Hoseoks visit yesterday? You groan. Great now you are thinking about Hoseok again.

You stop once you have arrived at your bus stop, jumping onto the waiting bus and sitting down on an empty seat. You should really stop thinking about your ex, he made it very clear how he thinks about you last night. It’s over. Hoseok’s gone and Yoongi is here, you should just live with that fact.

The bus arrives at your bus stop and you jump out, already seeing Taehyung wait for you in front of the fountain with a big grin on his face. You force a smile onto your lips, raising your arm to wave at your friend. You shouldn’t raise suspicion about your racing thoughts, nobody needs to know how much your heart actually aches.

“Good morning Y/N”, he greets you once you have arrived next to him.

“Good morning Taehyung”, you smile waving at him.

“Did you sleep well today?” he asks placing an arm around your shoulder and leading you to the entrance of your work building.

“Yeah I did”, you answer and he hums.

“That’s great to hear”, he pads your shoulder, “oh, besides do you maybe want to eat lunch with me today?” he asks as if he had read your mind.

You nod your head furiously.

“Yes I would love to, wow Tae you just read my mind I was just about to ask you the same question.”

Taehyung grins at you.

“Wow we really are soulmates aren’t we”, suddenly he looks shyly to the ground, “would you by the way mind if Namjoon joined us today?”

Your eyes grow big, panic flooding your system.

“I, I mean. I- why?”

Taehyung shrugs his shoulders.

“I don’t know, I just think that it is time that the two of you make up and I thought that today is the perfect day for that.”

“I see”, you mumble, before sending him a scared look.

“Don’t worry Y/N I am going to help you with it. He is going to forgive you I am sure of it”, he assures you, pressing you closer to his body.

“Really?”

He nods.

“Thank you Tae that means a lot to me”, you smile, stepping out of the elevator with him

“Don’t mention it, that’s what best friends are for”, he says sending you a wink before padding your head.

The two of you arrive at your office door and you can’t help but feel nervous all of a sudden. Taehyung gives your arm a reassuring squeeze before pushing you to the closed door.

“It’s going to be okay Y/N”, he tells you before opening the door for you and pushing you into your office.

Namjoon doesn’t bother looking up, despite your loud “hello”. His eyes stay glued to his monitor, the furrow of his brows the only indicator he actually heard you. You sigh, sitting down on your side of the desk to start working on your projects to try and pass the time until lunch time.

Namjoon standing up from his chair and leaving the room without any words finally rips you out of your work flow and you look at the clock. It’s time. You take a deep breath before standing up yourself and running after Namjoon, who has already arrived at a waiting Taehyung.

“Do you already know what you are going to get today?” you ask the two of them once you arrive at their side.

Namjoon turns around, looking at you confused with his eyebrow raised.

“Since when do you care what I am eating for lunch?” he growls, turning away again.

“Since Taehyung asked me to join you guys for today”, you state, shrugging your shoulders.

Namjoon sends Taehyung an annoyed glare, one the other man dismisses with a warning look.

“Yeah, it’s so busy lately that I thought maybe Y/N could save some precious working time by eating with us for the next few days”, Taehyung explains throwing his arm around your shoulder protectively.

Namjoon eyes you with his arms crossed in front of his chest, clearly contemplating Taehyungs offer.

“Yeah, okay if you like”, Namjoon mumbles shrugging his shoulders.

You feel relief wash over you, now that the first worry of Namjoon refusing to eat with you has turned out to be wrong. You send Namjoon a shy smile, one he ignores by turning away again and starting to walk to the elevators. You and Taehyung stay behind Namjoon, following him with a healthy distance.

“It’s going to be okay”, Taehyung whispers into your ear and you hum.

“Hopefully”, you murmur watching Namjoon stop in front of the food counter.

Once the three of you have ordered your cafeteria bibimbap you sit down on an empty table, one closest to the big window façade which offers a view into the park behind the company building.  

“So Namjoon what have you been up to lately?” you ask, playing with your chopsticks trying your hardest to keep eye contact with him.

He stays silent, staring at you with cold eyes. He shrugs his shoulders, taking a bite of his food afterwards.

“Not much, work mostly and then exploring new parts of Seoul in my free time”, he tells you nonchalantly and you hum in acknowledgment.

“Sounds like fun to me, did you find some interesting spots hyung?” Taehyung asks with fake excitement in his voice.

Namjoon nods smiling slightly.

“Yeah a few, I found a vintage bookstore, a very old restaurant that makes literally the best cow blood soup ever and I found a very quiet spot next to the Han River, where I like to go to think now”, he says, leaning back in his chair and fixing the glasses on his nose.  

“That sounds amazing Joonie. You need to take us there someday”, you tell him. You had decided to go for the friendly route, maybe Namjoon has already forgiven you just like Taehyung did.

“Yeah maybe one day”, he shrugs his shoulders before looking at you with dark eyes, ”Y/N are you, are you actually going to act like nothing happened or..?” he adds raising his eyebrow.

“I-“, you pause to avoid his cold eyes, “I just wanted to try the ‘act all normal and friendly route’ first, I thought that maybe it would work”, you mumble.

“I don’t know who you think I am, but it’s not working”, Namjoon spits and you feel yourself grow small again.

“Yah hyung cut her some slack, she is trying”, Taehyung defends you putting his hand on your shoulder and squeezing gently.

Namjoon looks between you and Taehyungs faces, his eyes still cold before he sighs loudly and relaxes into his seat.

“Fine sorry that was rude of me, I apologize. Go on Y/N”, he tells you, urging you on with a wave of his hand.

“Thank you Namjoon”, you send him a quick smile before turning serious again, “I just, I was kind of hoping that we could be friends again, I really miss talking and joking with you and I am really sorry”, you confess and he hums, nodding his head.  

“Yes, thank you Y/N”, he says before taking a deep breath, “I should apologize as well, I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that and I regret the words I said to you. I know how much they must have hurt you. I was just overwhelmed with painful memories of my ex cheating on me and I took out my unresolved issues on you that was unfair and I apologize”, he says offering you his hand to take.

You accept it, squeezing it gently and giving him a soft smile.

“Apology accepted Joonie and thank you for giving me a second chance”, you tell him to which he smiles at you, the first one in a long time.

“Waaah guys I’m so happy that you made up right now”, Taehyung coos patting both yours and Namjoons shoulders.

“Yeah I’m happy too”, you mumble, smiling cheekily at Namjoon.

He returns your smile, his own eyes twinkling in happiness.

It feels good, seeing him smile at you again. Your heart feels finally like it can beat without a burden to carry, your mind feels weirdly at ease and your lungs finally feel like they are getting air inside again.

“Now that we made up again, I just have to ask. How are you and Yoongi? I didn’t get a chance to talk to him after all that, you know, drama” Namjoon asks, resting his head on his hands.

You shake your head, your jaw clenching involuntarily.

“No we didn’t, he gave me another chance and I am honestly so grateful for it”, you say, playing with your napkin.

The words ‘grateful’ and ‘another chance’ shouldn’t leave such a bitter taste in your mouth, however your tongue burns underneath their weight, the foul taste nearly unbearable. You take a sip of your water, wanting to get rid of the unpleasant feeling in your mouth.

“Oh? Really? Well, that’s great, really great to hear, yeah”, Namjoon says, clearly surprised by your revelation. He clears his throat, scratching the back of his neck.

“Yeah isn’t it? I was so happy when Y/N told me that she made up with Yoongi again”, Taehyung throws in, clearly sensing the awkward tension between Namjoon and you and wanting to brighten up the atmosphere.

“Yeah I’m happy too”, you say quietly before forcing your trembling lips up into a smile.

“I don’t want to be annoying but I hope Hoseok’s out of the picture. Not that I don’t like him, hell I love this dude, but I just really hope you don’t keep in contact with him anymore. You know as to not get tempted and such”, Namjoon says, his words bearing nothing but innocence and concern. But to your ears they sound poisonous, leaving your head dizzy and your heart heavy with pain.

“No I’m not, thanks for caring though”, you growl through gritted teeth, your shaking hands are clenched into fists underneath the table.

“That’s great to hear. Yeah, I’m really happy to hear that. I am proud of you Y/N”, Namjoon says, smiling. He reaches over the table to place his hand on your shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze, “You did the right thing”, he adds, squeezing your shoulder a second time.

“Thanks”, you murmur, not bearing to raise your head and look at the man opposite of you.

The rest of your lunch break is nothing but blurred memories, the voices of Taehyung and Namjoon are nothing but quiet background noises and the food does nothing against the bitter taste on your tongue. Your mind is racing, racing with the memories of last night. The way Hoseok had kissed your forehead, the way his t-shirt had felt clasped in your fingers and the way his touch had comforted you. You miss it.

You jump up from your chair all of a sudden, startling both Namjoon and Taehyung.

“Y/N what’s going on?” Taehyung asks, looking up at you with big eyes.

“I just remembered that I need to call someone. You know, work, Dahyun and stuff. Sorry I’ll see you guys later”, you mumble, your eyes staring at the glass door of the cafeteria.

“And that can’t wait?” Namjoon asks, raising his right eyebrow.

“No it’s urgent, like really urgent”, you say, already taking your bag and blazer. “See you”, you mumble before turning around and running out of the cafeteria.

You stop once you are at the bus stop, panting hard, your lungs burning from the cool air. You sit down, groaning in pain, your feet really didn’t like having to run like that. You pull out your phone, unlocking it and going straight to your contacts.

Jung Hoseok

Your finger hovers over his number, shaking violently. You know this is a bad idea, that it will bring you nothing but pain and heartbreak, but you just need to hear his voice right now. You press ‘call’, it’s dialling and you hold your breath, the loud beep deafening to your ear.

“Hello?” Hoseok picks up after the fourth ring. He sounds tired.

“Hey. How are you?” you say, holding your phone with both hands.

“What do you want?” he ignores your question, his voice laced with annoyance.

“I wanted to hear your voice”, you confess, biting your lower lip.

His line stays silent, you can hear him breathing. You swallow, pressing your phone closer to your face. He sighs.

“Y/N”, he sighs again, “please stop doing that. Didn’t I make myself clear yesterday night?”

“If you are so clear about our break-up then why did you pick up?”

He falls silent, it almost sounds like he had hung up and you remove your phone from your ear to look at the display. He is still connected with you. You raise it back to your ear. He is still silent.

“Hoseok?”

“What?”

“Can I see you?”

“Why?”

“Because I need you.”

He scoffs.

“As a distraction or as your partner?”

You fall silent, his question took you by surprise. You open your mouth to speak, before closing it again, too scared to say the wrong words. You blink, only now noticing the hot tears spilling out of your eyes. You swallow down the whimper threatening to escape your throat before you open your mouth once more.

“As my shoulder to lean on.”

“You have someone else to lean on now. You don’t need me anymore”, he says coldly. It breaks your heart, a quiet sob leaving your trembling lips.

“But I’m scared Hoseok”, you confess, sobbing again louder than before.

“Of what?”

“Of losing you, of never seeing you again, of having to live my life with a man I thought was the one and one day realising that I made the wrong choice.”

“You made the wrong choice Y/N”, he states coldly making you sob once more.

“Please let me see you once more, just one last time, please Hoseok I need to see you”, you hiccup.

He stays silent, you can hear him take deep breaths, it sounds shaky.

“No.”

And after that he hangs up. Your heart shatters into thousand pieces, the single word echoing through your mind, driving you to the brink of madness. You are shaking at this point, loud sobs leaving your chest and hot tears streaming down your cheeks, ruining your makeup in the process. It feels like your world has been crushed before your eyes, like someone had extinguished the flame that had kept you alive. It’s cold, so cold you feel like you are going to pass out any second now. You choke on your next sob, coughing loudly, trying your hardest to get air into your lungs again. You can’t breathe, why can’t you breathe right now? You sob, letting your head fall down into your hands. It hurts so much, like someone is eating you from the inside out.

You don’t go back to work this day, or any other day of the week. Getting out of your bed seems like too much work your weak limbs can’t bear to do. Your door bell rings countless times in the span of the two days, you don’t open it, too tired and scared to face the person standing behind the closed door. You don’t know who it was, judging by his dozens of text messages it’s probably Yoongi trying to check up on his ‘sick fiancé’. You send him a message back eventually, telling him to stop visiting you because you just wanted to sleep all day and get well as quickly as possible for your date on Saturday. Your date, you already dreaded it. It meant having to see Yoongi and having to act like nothing is polluting your mind. You already hate it.

Still with the last bit of strength and your decency telling you to just get yourself together again for Yoongis sake you manage to get out of bed on Saturday afternoon. Getting ready feels exhausting, the water of your shower is too hot for your skin, burning you, the walk to your closet feels unbearably long and you can’t seem to get your make-up to look flawless. You sigh, looking yourself up and down in your mirror. The dress hugs your figure perfectly, you normally would have loved seeing yourself in it but tonight it feels wrong. You shake your head, sighing loudly.

“This isn’t going to work”, you mumble to yourself, ripping the dress of your body and rushing back to your closet.

You pull out an oversized sweater and a pair of dark blue mom-jeans. You run back to your mirror and nod once you see yourself. This looks so much better, at least now you won’t have to worry about your boobs falling out of your dress. You force a smile to your lips, staring straight into your own eyes.

“You have Yoongi now and he is a great guy, don’t screw this over”, you say loudly pointing at yourself through the mirror. “You’ve got this Y/N. You love him”, you add sending yourself another smile.

You nod one last time before finally rushing to your door and out of your apartment. You decide to take a taxi to Yoongis apartment, the drive far too short for your nervous mind. After having paid the driver you climb out of the cramped car, instantly looking up the tall apartment building. You can’t see Yoongis apartment from here, you squint your eyes as a last attempt to make out his windows before giving up and finally starting to walk inside. Once you have arrived at his door, your heart nearly jumping out of your chest, you press his doorbell, the sound startling you.

You can hear quick footsteps behind the closed door before the shuffling of keys can be heard.

The door swings open and a brightly smiling Yoongi appears in the doorframe. Your eyes wander from his face down his body. He is wearing tight blue jeans, which accentuates his slim legs and an oversized light-blue turtleneck embellishes his over-all soft appearance. His bangs hang into his eyes just like always, but still you are able to make out the bright sparkle shining in his dark-brown orbs. He looks handsome tonight, you think to yourself.

“Hey baby”, he says, brushing his hair out of his face. His eyes are big, looking at you with nothing but fondness “Wow you look so beautiful tonight princess”, he gasps brushing his fingers over your cheek, his touch nothing more than that of a feather gracing your skin. It still manages to make you shiver, the feeling of being touched so intimately calming.

“Thank you, you look handsome as well”, you smile, stepping inside his apartment and pecking his soft lips afterwards.

“I had to make myself look extra pretty for you. You know tonight is going to be an important evening I can already sense it in my stomach. And you know that my stomach is never wrong”, he tells you, taking your coat from your hands to hang it onto the coat hanger.

“Oh really? What exactly did you plan for tonight?” you ask him and his cheeks turn pink.

He leans forward to whisper into your ear.

“Oh nothing really, I just want to make you feel amazing tonight, in every way possible”, he murmurs before he giggles shyly and pulls away.

You look at him with big eyes, your mind trying to process the information. He looks away, when there is nothing but silence from you, probably thinking that he had ruined the evening. He scratches the back of his neck before he chuckles.

“Sorry if that was weird right now”, he mumbles, biting the skin of his left thumb.

“What? No, no it wasn’t weird I just didn’t expect you to be so straightforward right now”, you confess and relief washes over his face.

“Well, then I’m glad that I didn’t ruin the evening already”, he sighs before taking your hand into his. He squeezes it gently and presses a tender kiss to your knuckles afterwards, his eyes staring deeply into yours.

“Don’t jinx it, I haven’t even tasted your steak yet”, you tease him to which he pouts.

“Don’t you dare speak ill of my steak, even my grandmother liked it whenever I cooked it for her”, he whines, his sudden change into dialect making you giggle.

“Fine, fine I’ll try not to judge before I haven’t even tried it. By the way where is that famous steak? I really want to eat now if I can be honest with you, I haven’t eaten since breakfast so I could eat a lot tonight and I am literally dying of hunger right now”, you tell him and his eyes turn big.

“Oh my god baby why didn’t you say so earlier? Ah I’m such an idiot keeping my princess hungry. Come follow me into the kitchen” he rushes out before pulling on your hand and leading you into the kitchen down the hallway.

It smells like cooking once you enter the small kitchen. Two saucepans are fuming angrily on the gas cooker, the smoke extractor doing its best job at sucking it hungrily into its metal throat. You take a deep breath, closing your eyes to enjoy the mouth-watering smells.  

“It smells so good”, you sigh stepping closer to the oven to take a better look at the food cooking.

In the smaller of the two pots, green beans are cooking happily in the boiling salt water and in the bigger pot small-cut potatoes are sizzling in hot oil, their colour already changed from sunflower yellow to caramel brown.

“I hope you like the side dishes I chose”, Yoongi says watching you stare into the pots with hungry eyes, your tongue licking over your lips.

You turn your head to look at him. You nod, smiling sweetly at him. Good food always manages to lift your mood.

“They are perfect, my mouth’s already watering like crazy”, you tell him and he gives you a lopsided smile.

He closes the distance between the two of you, wrapping his arms around your waist to pull you close to him. He rests his chin on your shoulder and your own head falls back onto his chest. This is not bad at all, his touch is caring enough to calm your mind for a little while.  

“Just a few more minutes, the steak’s nearly ready according to the timer on my oven”, he says peppering your cheek with soft kisses. “Do you want to do something in the mean time? We could play a round of UNO if you want or we could I don’t know make out on the sofa or something else, I don’t know it’s your decision”, he adds, gently nipping on your jaw afterwards.

You gasp, caressing the skin of his hands before a shy chuckle leaves your parted lips.

“Oh my god Yoongi we haven’t even eaten yet and you already want to make out?” you whine and he shrugs his shoulders.

“I can’t help it, I’m just so excited for desert already”, he says nonchalantly making you lower your head in coyness.

“Ah, jeez baby you are making me blush”, you mumble and he chuckles, his voice vibrating in his chest.

“Wasn’t my intention sweetheart. I just-“, he says before the timer going off stops him. The both of you jump slightly, Yoongis arms around you tighten for a second before he releases you altogether.

“That scared me”, you chuckle breathlessly, holding your hand over your heart.

“Me too”, Yoongi laughs whilst he walks past you to open his oven.

White steam escapes out of its burning prison cell when Yoongi opens the oven door, hitting his face directly. He hisses in pain, pressing his eyes shut and stepping back.

“Ah, fuck I think I burned my eyebrows off”, he groans before turning his head to you and pointing at his forehead, “can you please take a look? Are they still there?” he asks wiggling his eyebrows.

“Oh my god Yoongi, you-“, you gasp dramatically, clasping your hand over your mouth and opening your eyes as wide as possible, “I don’t think that they can be saved baby I am sorry but I think you need to accept the fact that you are officially eyebrow-less now”, you tell him, making your voice sound as sad as possible.

He snorts, rolling his eyes.

“Haha, very funny baby”, he scoffs shaking his head before he joins your laughter.

“You can go sit down on the dining table already, I want to do the decorating without you next to me, you know I want to make it a surprise”, he tells you once your laughter has stopped pointing at his open kitchen door.

“Sure I’ll wait patiently”, you say before turning your back to him and walking out of the kitchen and into the living room.

The living room is the biggest room of his whole apartment, with a big couch and a flat screen TV in front of it in one corner and a big eight people dining table in the other corner. A big work desk is standing right between the living and dining area, a variety of music equipment and big computer screen on top of it. Normally, his computer screen would be turned off, but today Yoongi had turned it on to play a video of a fire place burning brightly. You smile watching the virtual flames dance around, instantly feeling warmer. Soft piano music is playing from his speaker system, it’s an unknown melody for your ears, probably something Yoongi had written in his free time. You like it, it’s quiet and relaxing but still awakes emotions in your heart. You let your eyes wander to the dining table next. Yoongi had decorated the table beautifully, red rose petals are scattered all over the dark wood and three white candles on golden candleholders plunge the table into a warm, orange light.

You sit down on the chair closest to the door, brushing a strand of fallen hair out of your face afterwards. Apparently Yoongi had dug up his finest cutlery for tonight, you didn’t even know that he owns real silver ware and you glide your finger over the shining knife. Your eyes fall onto a small red envelope next. Your name with a big heart is written on the front, it’s clearly Yoongis handwriting and you flip it over with your heart racing in your chest. You hook your nails on the edge of the envelope, opening it.

13 Reasons (and some more why I love you)

You don’t dare to continue reading, feeling weird all of a sudden. You don’t deserve to read it, not after everything you had made him go through. It feels wrong.

“The food is ready my lady”, Yoongi rips you out of your thoughts, making you turn around to look at him. He is balancing your two plates on his hands and under his left arm you can spot a bottle of red wine.

“Should-“, you clear your throat to get your voice to sound normal again, “-I help you?” you ask already standing up but he shakes his head.

“No please stay seated. Tonight I will treat you”, he tells you, putting down your plate of food.

It looks mouth-watering, the green beans glistening in the dim candlelight and the potatoes appeared even more caramel brown under the warm light. You lick your lips, when your eyes land on the steaming piece of meat in front of you. Yoongi had poured some pepper sauce over it and had garnished everything with some parsley and a heart made out of black pepper grains.

“It looks so beautiful, oh my god how can I eat that? It’s too beautiful to destroy”, you gasp and he chuckles.

“It’s even better when you eat it princess”, he tells you, pouring some red wine into your wine glass.

He sits down with a content sigh after he finished pouring wine into his own glass and looks at you.

“Try it”, he urges you on, petting your arm. You force a smile to your face before taking the cutlery into your hands.

Yoongi worked hard for this steak, it would be unfair to him to not eat it now, eventhough your stomach is practically screaming to throw up right now. You hum as loudly as your stuffed mouthed allows you to, nodding your head up and down excitedly and looking at Yoongi with round eyes.

“It’sth so gooth”, you mumble with a full mouth, not even bothering to swallow before you shove the next bite into your mouth already.

Yoongi lets out a breath of relief, his shoulders visibly relaxing. He smiles looking down at his own plate of food.

“I’m so happy that you like it baby. I was so nervous that you wouldn’t”, he says and all you can do at the moment is to squeeze his hand and smile at him reassuringly. It’s enough for him to finally feel ready to eat and the two of you fall silent for a while after that, both of you too concentrated in eating.

It is you who breaks to silence, having to take a quick wine break and using this opportunity to talk.

“I really have to say, you didn’t lie when you said that your steak is better than the restaurant’s one. And you said that your dad taught you how to make it, that’s so cool”, you meant the words leaving your mouth, the steak was delicious.

He hums at first, signalling you that he needs to swallow before he keeps on chewing faster than before and with a nervous expression on his face.

“Thank you baby”, he says once the last bit of food had been swallowed, “Yes my father taught me how to make it, he is actually the cook in my family. You know my mother doesn’t really like cooking, says that it makes her back ache, so my dad decided to take on this task. Which is funny, because at first my grandmother nearly fainted when she heard it, said that my mother wasn’t woman enough anymore”, he chuckles shaking his head, “my grandmother always liked to nag, one time she told me that I would get nowhere in my life and that I was a disgra-”, he stops talking, his smile dropping.

“Yoongi”, you murmur taking his hand into yours. He glances at your intertwined fingers before looking into your eyes.

“I’m okay baby, I just got sentimental for a second please don’t worry about me”, he tells you smiling at you, a genuine one to your surprise.

“You sure?”

“I’m sure, let’s just not keep talking about my family right now okay? Maybe if you want to you could tell me something about your parents, what are they like?” he says, resting his chin on his hand.

“They are very nice people, they had always been supportive of me and my decisions so I can’t really complain. My dad works in finances and my mum worked in healthcare before she had to get operated on her knees and ever since she is a housewife, a good one if I may say so”, you tell him all the while he is nodding with his head.

“They sound like very nice people baby. I can’t wait to meet them one day”, he says and eventhough his statement was of innocent nature it still baffles you.

You look at him, shock obvious on your features. You hadn’t even realised the fact that Yoongi had never seen your parents before. It makes you feel weird, a strange feeling rising in your stomach, one that you can’t quite make out. You swallow down the lump forming in your throat before you dare to speak.

“I was convinced that you had met my parents already”, you say and he shakes his head.

“No you never introduced them to me, but don’t worry baby we still have lots of time to make up for the lost time”, he tells you, caressing your cheek with the back of his hand before he looks back onto his plate of food.

“Especially when we finally move in together, then we can make up for all the lost time. We can invite them over for a weekend if you want to, we could show them around your favourite neighbourhood or even, no even better, we just go on a weekend-long vacation with them somewhere in the mountains, I bet they would love that”, he speaks, too caught up in his own excitement about future holidays to notice your serious expression.

Yoongis words had only partially filtered into your brain, words such as ‘moving in together’ and ‘vacation’ suddenly scaring the crap out of you. Yoongi doesn’t even know your parents, he doesn’t even know two of the most important people in your life and still you agreed to marry him.

“Oh by the way when we move in together we need to finally take in my little Holly. I miss him so much and I can’t bear the thought that he keeps on living with my parents instead of me”, he continues to talk and you look at him.

“I didn’t even know that you had a pet”, you say and he nods.

“I do, wait”, he says, pulling his phone out of his pocket to unlock it and scroll through his gallery. “Here that’s Holly aka the cutest dog on earth”, he tells you with a fond smile on his face, holding his phone into your face.

A brown poodle is staring into the camera with round eyes and its tongue slightly sticking out. It’s cute, you can’t deny it, but it leaves a bitter aftertaste in your mouth. You really do know nothing about the man sitting beside you. Your heart stings in your chest, your stomach twisting as if it would empty itself any second now.

Hoseok. The unexpected pictures of him making you feel as if someone had rammed a still glowing sword into your heart.

“Yoongi”, you choke out. He locks his phone to look at you, still smiling brightly.

“Yes princess?” he asks, his face becoming worried when seeing your serious expression. “Is everything okay? Do you not like the idea of Holly living with us? It was just a suggestion I didn’t mean to pressure you into anything, we can still talk about it”, he tells you, scratching the back of his neck.

You shake your head, dismissing him with a wave of your hand.

“No it’s okay, I love dogs”, you say sending him a reassuring smile.

“Thank god, I got worried for a second”, he says before laughing shyly, “I thought that you would say that you actually hate dogs. I don’t think I could have kept dating you then baby”, he laughs. You join him, watching his cheeks turn pink.

Your smile soon fades, your expression turning serious again. He doesn’t notice, too immersed into laughing, his eyes little crescent moons.

“Yoongi we need to break up”, you say and his laughter stops.

He looks at you, his eyes racing between yours searching for answers. Suddenly he snorts, leaning back in his chair.

“Funny baby, you can’t make the same joke I literally made five seconds ago”, he scoffs shaking his head whilst smirking at you. He reaches over the table to take your hand but you pull back.

“I’m not joking Yoongi”, you say and his smile falls from his face.

“Wait, what, why? Why?” he says, his breathing slowly becoming faster.

“I can’t stay with you. Not when my heart belongs to someone else”, you tell him staring at your folded hands on the table.

“What? Baby what do you mean? Do, do you- Is it because of Hoseok?” he says, sounding heartbroken. You look up at him with big eyes. He crosses his arms in front of his chest, mustering you with dark eyes.

You nod, nervously biting your lip. He scoffs outlining the inside of his mouth with his tongue.

“Y/N he acted like a jealous, little boy and you want to go back to that? He literally manipulated you the last few months. Please tell me that you are joking”, he says, but he doesn’t sound as confident as he wants to.

You stay silent for a moment, trying to sort out your thoughts. You had surprised yourself with blurting out the words and now you feel unsure of what to say next. You know you can’t stay with Yoongi, not anymore, your heart aches far too much for Hoseok to ignore it any longer.

“I thought about it a lot lately and I came to the conclusion Yoongi. I want to go back to Hoseok, I’m sorry”, you say scratching your neck. You need to stay collected right now, you don’t need to make it even harder for Yoongi by crying like a baby.

“Y/N please don’t do this”, he says, trying his hardest to stay strong.

“It’s already decided Yoongi I’m sorry”, you say, shrugging your shoulders. The change of his expression nearly makes you burst out in tears. You swallow turning your face away.

“No, no please don’t do this to me. We, we were good again. We made, we made up again”, he says standing up to fall down in front of you, looking up at you with pleading eyes. He puts his shaking hands on your thigh, making you turn to him.

“Please Y/N, I can make it work Y/N. I will make you so happy please. I, I promise to treat you so good”, he says, his voice becoming shaky.

He looks so helpless, so vulnerable; your heart nearly shatters on your chest. It hurts you, it makes you ache so badly, but it needs to be done no matter what. You put your hands on his’, squeezing them gently.

“I’m sorry Yoongi, I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to you”, you tell him caressing his skin.

“Please don’t, don’t do this-“, he stutters, his grip on your thighs tightening. Tears shoot to his eyes, rendering him unable to speak properly. “Don’t do this plea-please”, he sobs, hiding his face in your thighs.

“Don’t cry Yoongi. I’m doing this for you. It wouldn’t be fair to you if I stayed with you”, you tell him, combing your fingers through his hair.

He violently shakes his head, clutching onto the material of your pants.

“No, no, that’s not fair, it’s, it’s, please don’t, please”, he stutters before loud sobs interrupt him. His body shakes, his fingernails digging painfully into your thighs. “Please don’t leave me”, he sobs, looking up at you with pleading eyes, his lips trembling.

“I’m sorry Yoongi I already made up my mind”, you tell him whilst taking the ring off your finger. It hurts you, a clump forming in your throat but you keep going. You want it to be over already.

Yoongis eyes grow big, his sobs turning louder.

“No, no don’t, don’t take it off please”, he cries clasping his hands around yours. He presses them against his nose, his tears falling onto your skin. They are hot, it feels like they are burning you.

“Yoongi”, you whisper, your voice breaking upon seeing him like this. It’s not what you had expected.

“Please don’t leave me Y/N. I need you, I need you in my life. Please I love you. I can make you so, so happy”, he whimpers pressing gentle kisses to your skin. They burn you, sending guilty bangs to your heart.

“Yoongi let go of me”, you say trying to pull your hands out of his clasp. He lets you, his arms falling lifelessly to his sides.

“Please don’t do this”, he says, his voice merely above a whisper.

“I’m sorry Yoongi”, you say before standing up from your chair. You need to get out of here!

His head snaps up, panic written on his features. He jumps up, clutching your arm.

“Y/N what can I do to change your mind? Please tell me, I’ll do anything. I, I promise to, to get help for my jealousy and for my, my demons. I’m sorry Y/N, please I will try to be a better man”, he pleads, his eyes filling up with new tears.

“Yoongi stop it! It’s over! I don’t love you anymore. There isn’t anything you can do”, you say, slightly raising your voice. You are lying, but what else should you do? You are growing desperate.

When you had thought, you had seen hurt before, you were wrong. Yoongis face turns snow white upon hearing your words, his whole body going slack falling onto the chair. His eyes stare at nothing, tear after tear running down his cheeks, collecting on his chin before falling onto his jeans.

“Can I, can I at least kiss you goodbye?” he chokes out before breaking into sobs again.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea”, you tell him.

He nods, before violently rubbing the tears of his face.

“I understand”, he whispers before soft whimpers leave his trembling lips.

“I’m sorry Yoongi. I really am. You will find someone worthy of your love”, you tell him, putting the ring on the table next to your now cold plate of steak.

“I’ll do anything Y/N, please”, he tries one last time.

“No, just stop Yoongi”, you tell him. You pad his shoulder, his muscles tensing up at your touch, “I’ll get going then, don’t cry anymore”, you tell him, not daring to look into his eyes.

You turn around, walking out of the living room and to the front door. You wait a few breaths, but Yoongi never comes rushing to you. You sigh, turning around to unlock to the door before rushing out of it and quickly closing it behind you.

You take a deep breath, trying your hardest to blend out the agonizing scream coming from behind Yoongis closed apartment door. Your open your eyes, letting your tears roll free before your legs start running.

You need to get away from here or else you’ll do something stupid. You run and run, taking two steps at once, pushing open the glass door of Yoongis apartment building and rushing onto the streets. Your lungs hurt, distracting you from your aching heart. You hadn’t expected Yoongi to react like this. You had thought he would be as calm as he always is, but seeing him like this. It had broken your heart.

You slow down your steps, once you arrive at the bus stop, jumping onto the bus, which had arrived just at this moment. You don’t care about the people staring at your tear stained face, too caught up with your own thoughts. You sit down on an empty seat, resting your head on the glass of the bus.

This hurt so much right now, seeing him so crushed broke your heart. New tears spill, staining your cheeks. He had looked so broken. Did you really make the right decision right now? You don’t even know if Hoseok will take you back, what if he doesn’t and you end up being alone? You take a deep breath, trying to choke down the sob, which had nearly spilled out of your mouth. No, you shouldn’t think like that, he will take you back, you are sure of it!

Soon the bus comes to a stop and you jump out, inhaling the fresh evening air. You look up at his apartment, there was still light burning in his windows, so he must be still awake. An old lady walks past you, greeting you with a soft voice before she opens the door to Hoseoks apartment building. You rush after her, pressing yourself through the now closing door. You don’t care about taking the elevator tonight, it takes far too long to arrive and honestly your heart wants nothing more than to be comforted by Hoseok. You are panting once you arrive at his front door, having to support yourself on the wall.

Your finger reaches out to his door bell, gently pressing it and you can hear it ring behind the closed door. Your breathing is ragged, you can feel your eyes start to fill up with new tears. You want to see him so badly.

“Come on Hoseok please”, you mumble, wrapping your hands around his doorknob. You can hear his lock turn and suddenly his door swings open.

He is wearing his bath robe, you had probably disturbed him at taking a bath. He looks you up and down, stopping at your teary eyes. The last bit of composure you still had gets crushed underneath the shambles of your heart, and your body falls forward into his chest. Your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him close, your face pressed up against his body.

“What happened?” he asks, sounding angry, “Did he hurt you?” he presses on, with his arms hanging by his sides.

He is too scared to wrap them around you, his heart would be too weak to let you go after that. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up again.

“Please don’t make me regret my decision Hobi”, you say before you have to sob, “I, I broke up with him”, you choke out, squeezing his body.

His eyes become big, his breathing stopping for a moment. This can’t be real right now, he must be dreaming.  You look up at him, breathing hard. You feel like you’ll pass out any second now. His mouth opens ready to say something.

“I’m sorry to hear that Y/N”, he says, finally wrapping his arms around you. The ache from your heart disappears, warmth like the kiss of a morning’s sunray replacing it.

You reach up, cupping his cheek. He studies your face with furrowed eyebrows. You swallow, your heart racing in your chest.  

“Can you forgive me Hoseok? For all the pain I caused you and for, for taking so long to finally realise how much I still love you?” you whisper forcing down the tears threatening to spill.

His eyes race between yours, making you hold your breath. You will explode any second now, if he won’t say anything soon. He takes a deep breath. So do you.

“I already did”, he whispers, his hands coming to rest on your cheeks.

You smile, making him smile as well. It’s bright, it’s honest and it’s making your heart swell a thousand times its size in your chest. A symphony of joy courses through your body, urging the butterflies in your stomach to dance to its sweet melody. You feel light, you feel like flying. You finally came back home to the person you were meant to be with. It’s just you and him now.

“I missed you my love”, he whispers, pressing his forehead against yours. His breath is tickling your face, your eyes falling closed.

“I missed you too sunshine”, you whisper before finally leaning in to kiss him.

[thedevilinherself]

Somewhere In Mexico Ch. 2 Familia

Ch.1 / Ch.2 / Ch.3 / Ch.4

“Your dad is an Escuella?” Arthur asked slowly, seemingly trying to work out if the conclusion he was drawing was actually correct.

“Si.” At this point the boy was catching on that something was peculiar about his answers, eyes darting back and forth between the men’s awed expressions.

“What was his first name?” Javier asked, words rushed as his gaze frightened the boy.

“I-I don’t know. Mamá just calls him el bastardo.” The boy was alarmed as Javier jumped to his feet, storming off in the direction of the campfire as he threw his bottle to the ground. Gripping Arthur’s arm, the boy seemed pensive. “Di-did I do something wrong?”

“No. No you’re alright, boy.” Arthur reassured as his eyes tracked Javier.

You were laughing at this point, enjoying yourself as Abigail discussed with you all the joys and struggles of motherhood. It was rare for you to find a kindred spirit. So as the two of you shared stories and jokes, you found yourself more relaxed than you had been in months.

So when a hand clamped down on your arm, yanking you out of your seat, you let out a cry. Javier’s eyes were wild with rage as he pulled you over the log, knocking you to the ground when your feet couldn’t respond fast enough.

“Javier!” Abigail exclaimed, startled by the mad look in his eyes and the way he dragged you behind him.

“Ay!” You couldn’t get your feet under you as he pulled you, tripping and stumbling, behind him towards the trees.

“Javier! What are you doing, boy?” Dutch appeared out of nowhere, attempting to intercede. But as he moved to block Javier’s path, the man turned his crazed eyes on his leader.

“Stay out of it, Dutch!” The grit to his voice and the venom he spit was enough to make the other take a step back, giving Javier all the room he needed to drag you out of earshot of the rest of the camp.

“L-Let me go! Javier. You’re hurting me.” You finally found your voice as the darkness of the thicket closed around the two of you.

Pulling at the man’s fingers, you could not break yourself free of his grasp. Not till he yanked you up to pin against a tree, his body overshadowing you as he leaned in close.

“Why did you lie to me?” You shrunk under his gaze, fearing his anger and your isolation.

“What are you talking about?”

“That’s my son!” His fist slammed the bark to the side of your head, causing you to yelp and jerk away.

“N-no he’s not.”

“You gave him my last name! So either you fucked my cousin or he’s mine.” You slid down the tree a bit as he loomed over you, cornered by his rage and his accusations.

You couldn’t find the words to rebuttal, mind not fast enough to summon a believable excuse. Your silence spoke volumes, almost as much as the guilt in your eyes. His chest heaved, the air forced out his nostrils hot against your face.

“Why did you lie to me? That’s my son! I have a right to know I have a son. All this time I had no idea. And then you go and lie.”

“What does it matter.” You argued, finding your voice. “We’ll be gone in the morning anyway.”

“Like hell you will. I’m not just letting you leave with my son.”

“You didn’t even know he existed till today.”

“I wonder who’s fault that is.”

“YOURS! You left me, Javier!” Despite your best efforts, tears ran trails down your cheeks, voice cracking as you spoke. “You’re the one who walked away. What right do you have to him now?”

“You never told me you were pregnant! If I had known- Why would you keep that from me?”

“I wasn’t even sure. And what was I supposed to do? You had your things all packed and were ready to walk out the door. Was I supposed to tell you you had to stay cause I thought there might be a chance I was pregnant? Would you really have even stayed?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” He spat back, his honesty in the moment worming its way into your heart as more tears fell. “You’re the one that told me to go.”

“I was hurt, Javier. You wanted to leave me and I was scared and hurt and I didn’t want to lose you. But you were going to leave me anyway.” A sob bubbled up from your throat, betraying you further as so many memories came pouring back, fresh and raw and horrid to the extreme. “At the end of the day it was your choice. And you chose to leave us.”

“I left you. I knew nothing about a child. And you know I had to. Don’t pretend like I just abandoned you.”

“You did.”

“My people needed me.”

“I needed you! Your wife needed you. But you left me. Alone and afraid and with a child. Under the eyes of a government that thought I was a traitor ‘cause I was married to you.” He was so close now, pressed against you as his eyes flashed between yours. Your hands clutched at his vest, feeling his warmth in your stiff fingers. “I needed you, querido. And you weren’t there. And I didn’t know where you were. Or how to find you. Or if you were even alive.” Another sob ripped free, ugly and loud as you tilted your face away from his gaze.

“I didn’t know.” He muttered. “I thought you’d be fine without me.” Nuzzling his head against yours, his voice was soft, vulnerable and filled with regret.

“Well I wasn’t,” your protest was weak. He was so much like you remembered, warm and gruff and strong. His hand brushed yours, and you had to fight the impulse to slip your fingers into his.

“The boy. He is mine. Isn’t he?” His voice was barely above a whisper, as if afraid to utter the question.

“Yes.”

“You’re sure?”

“There was no other, Javier.” With your words, his arms wrapped around you, pulling you tight against him as you buried your face into his shoulder.

“Then we can fix this.” He assured, though you weren’t sure if it was for you or him. “We can still make this- us work.”

“It’s too late, Javier. There’s nothing left to fix.”

“You’re still my wife. That’s my son. We can be a family-“

“Ten years. Nearly ten years you left me alone. You never came back, never checked on me. If there was a time to fix this, it was long ago.” Pulling from his grasp, you wiped at your face, unable to meet his gaze as you brushed past him to return to camp. “Tomorrow we will leave. Then you can forget about us again.”

He didn’t know what to think. Didn’t know what to feel. Or even what he was feeling. But at your words, something hardened inside him. Clenching his fist, he turned to face you.

“You can leave. But the boy is staying.”

“Qué?” You weren’t entirely sure you heard him right, brows raised as you spared him a questioning stare.

“If you want to leave, then I won’t stop you. But my son is staying with me.” He again asserted, stronger this time.

“Like hell he is. You have no right to him.”

“He’s my son. I have every right to him. And I won’t let you deny me the chance to raise him again.”

“Deny you-?” Ignoring you, Javier stormed past, making his way back to camp as you sputtered behind him.

Dutch met him half way with Arthur at his side.

“Mr. Escuella. I asked you to be on your best behavior. Explain yourself?” Dutch’s voice was stern, hands on his hips as he waited for answers he wasn’t going to get.

“The boy is staying with us.” Was all Javier offered, brushing past the men as his eyes locked on Carlos.

“What now?” Arthur was incredulous, though not half as much as Dutch.

“He’ll stay in my tent. She’s not taking him.”

“Javier. What are you talking about? We are not in the business of kidnapping children.”

“He’s my son, Dutch.” Javier hissed, turning around to face the men, features harsh in the fire light. “She’s not taking him from me.”

[the-wonder-duo]

Random Ass Update #3

This one is dedicated to all you shits that can’t read. 

A tsunami rocked the West coast. In light of the ongoing investigation into InvisaInk’s death, we decided that it’d be best if Deku went alone to aid with recovery efforts. 

Thousands died. Recovery efforts are still ongoing.

 If you’ve got the means, you oughta donate to the Japan Relief and Recovery Fund. 

I stayed in the East. 

Answered some shit questions between patrols. Told you fucks about Deku’s questionable taste in music. 

PSA: I’m better than Deku at everything. 

Deku kept in touch while he was in the Nagano through audio logs and holocalls. 

There were sightings of someone that might’ve looked like me. At the time, I dismissed it as bullshit. 

Explosions rocked the streets of Hosu. The cause was not determined. 

Get your conspiracy theory asses off my blog. 

I was arrested after an attack in Hosu; Okane Trust & Banking Company had been robbed in an explosive attack. 

The Hero Police Force  released a statement revealed that on-site video surveillance captured footage of me at the scene, though the security system experienced technical difficulties only moments later. 

Sweat and hair analysis also placed me at the scene. 

Deku came back— even though I told him to stay in the East. Even though he was supposed to stick to the West to help tsunami victims. 

There were protests. I guess some of you lot aren’t complete dickheads, after all. 

Thanks. 

I was drugged with Quirk suppressants. Standard procedure for those that’re being detained. 

My body didn’t react that well to ‘em. 

Footage of the bank robbery was leaked.

Deku compiled evidence to prove that I was innocent. 

When presenting his argument to the detectives who were in charge of the investigation, Deku was dismissed without any consideration. 

Asshole discovered that I was gonna be transferred to a maximum security prison even though I hadn’t even been arrested in any official capacity. Hadn’t even been charged of any crimes. 

Idiot broke me out of jail. 

Words don’t even begin to express what I felt. 

That idiot has so much going for him, you know? Wouldn’t have partnered up with him if he weren’t a damn good hero. He lives to help others. Dunno if he could live without it. 

And that could’ve been the end of it. Right there. 

He would’ve given it up. Thrown it all away. 

For me. 

You’re an idiot, Deku. 

We were pursued by Pros and police, but we managed to make it to the sewers. Since we’d spent weeks combing through them, we knew them pretty well. 

Took refuge in an undocumented Quirk shelter. 

Deku’d scheduled a leak of information to be posted onto the blog before he’d left. To tell everyone that he could of what had really happened, and to show why I wasn’t guilty of the crimes that I’d been accused of. 

Here’s the gist of what he wrote: 

I’m sure that the people who were responsible for kidnapping Kacchan are those who are responsible for InvisaInk, and do not say that without backing. The proof is in the visual evidence that has already been uploaded online by multiple sources; I suspect that the footage that was sent to me last night will be uploaded before long, as well. 

Most would say that those leaked stills that show an apparent Kacchan robbing a bank appear to be wrong, somehow. And those conclusions would be correct. 

There’s the obvious— the haircut, for one, which doesn’t at all match was Kacchan is currently sporting —but then there’s the more subtle (for those who don’t know Kacchan as well as I do, anyways). 

The imposter in the video is a mirror image of the actual Bakugou Katsuki.

 Upon reviewing some of the footage taken by crowd’s phones that day in the park— the day the fake InvisaInk confronted the both of us—I can see now that that InvisaInk was a mirror image of the actual InvisaInk, as well; for those that want obvious proof, I suggest slowing the video down to a fourth of it’s usual speed and pausing as InvisaInk lifts his gun to Kacchan’s head— you can see the visible outline of InvisaInk’s tattoo as his shirt sleeves rides up— on his left arm. 

The actual InvisaInk’s tattoo was located on his right arm. 

A closer examination of each of their features has further proved that this person is, in fact, able to create mirror images of their target— given what they’ve known to have taken from both Kacchan and InvisaInk, I can only infer that they use bone marrow to supply this transformation with the aid of their Quirk. 

This also shows why the YouTube video uploaded of the fake InvisaInk’s spiel had actually seemed to be right for both Kacchan and I— before the video had been uploaded, the murderers had actually edited and flipped the footage, so that the person being displayed was on the correct side again.

 And yes, I did say murderers— because I believe this to be the work of not just one person, but at least two. Further inspection of the sight of the bank blast and an analysis of the explosion has proven that yes, while Kacchan’s actual sweat had ignited the ensuring explosion, it had blown the wall upon from inside the bank— he hadn’t entered from the outside, as witnesses and the footage depict of the alleged “Ground Zero.” 

I have come to the conclusion that the second accomplice is one that harvests body parts in order to gain use of that target’s Quirk; for InvisaInk, the murderers harvested his skin, and for Kacchan— his hands. 

The same hands that were taken from him months ago. During his kidnapping— which had been so similar to that of InvisaInk’s. 

Chillingly, a closer look at footage captured at the Charity Smash event depicts a person that looks eerily similar to InvisaInk— with the exception of his height, his hair, and his features. In fact, his skin seems to be the only startling match— a comparison shows that the freckles on this man’s face exactly match those of InvisaInk’s. 

‘Course it wasn’t me. 

I’d never pull a stunt like that. 

I’m a goddamn hero. 

Anyways, some numbskull who’d just been released from their own interrogation actually managed to snap a pic of Deku breaking me out of there. 

Didn’t cower in the sewers, though. 

We found the fuckers that were responsible for what had happened. 

Had some help from another Pro Hero, Earphone Jack. 

Deku kept more of a level head than I did, admittedly. 

I dunno. I guess it was harder than I ever would’ve imagined it’d be. Keeping my cool. When the sick bastards that skinned InvisaInk alive were right in front of me. 

Chased ‘em to a crowded street, police got involved, caught the murderers, and gave ourselves up.

Seems like they might’ve been two of Backlash’s lackeys, but in all goddamn honesty, they seem like a pair of those Anti-Quirk Liberation League nutjob extremists. ‘Least, they seem that way to me. 

Toga Akane was one of ‘em. Sister of Toga Himiko, who gained some fame from working as member of the League of Villains some years back. 

She’s in possession of a Quirk that allows her to become a mirror image of anyone who’s bone marrow she consumes. 

Claims she hates her sister. That people like her are the scum of the Earth. That people like herself are scum of the Earth. That people like them ought not to exist, and that their actions— and more importantly, their Quirks —are proof of that. 

Says that she did it for the greater good. Part of a way of showing once and for all that Quirks ought to be eliminated— part of a way to show us all how they ruin lives. 

The Anti-Quirk Liberation League won’t claim her. Say that they don’t associate themselves with common criminals, and that they’re horrified and repulsed by her actions. 

Last I heard, she’s attempted suicide at least twice since the beginning of her imprisonment.

The other murderer was Hada Dorobō. Possessed an undocumented Quirk that snatches the abilities of other Quirks through imbibing body parts conducive to the utilization of other Quirks. 

Appears that the sick bastard can only snatch one Quirk at a time; if he tries to take on another, the body part that he stole rots off of him. 

Deku and I were released after Lead Detective Naomasa discovered that the secretary to the Senior Commissioner had been, essentially, brainwashing most of the force via email. Had a Quirk that affected perception through written word. 

It’s been confirmed that the Senior Commissioner was bribed to ignore these criminal acts, and both of ‘em have been arrested. S’why the force had been acting so unreliably recently.

 Originally, we were given a week of house arrest and ‘till the first of June of suspension, but that was changed to house arrest ‘till the first a few days ago. 

After the first, we’ll be allowed to work as Pro Heroes again. 

So we’ve been sitting around the house ‘till then. 

Answered some more questions. 

Deku revealed that he’s come across a Quirk that allowed the wielder’s dick to function like a compass. Pointed towards what the user really wanted, apparently. 

I think that Deku’s a gullible dumbass and that it was just a boner. 

Deku doesn’t wanna be the number one hero anymore. 

He wants to be the best hero. 

A great hero. 

Fuck you, Deku. 

There’s been some fallout. Apparently you can’t just break outta jail and expect to be considered a shining example of heroism by everyone. 

Who would’ve imagined that. 

I don’t give a damn what you have to say about it. Yeah, breaking me out was a stupid move, and yeah, it could’ve been so much worse, but you know what? Deku’s still a hero in my eyes. 

In case you’ve lived under a rock for the past decade, you ought to know that the leader of the League of Villains is dead. 

My biggest rival made a comeback.

Played some games. 

One of ‘em was perverted as hell. Our publicist is a real piece of work, putting that crap together. 

Truth or Dare ended with a naked Deku in my bed. 

Deku worried too damn much about it. 

It’s fine. Fucking weird, and awkward, and yeah, I was pissed that he pulled something like that just ‘cause he thought he could get some info that I wouldn’t hand over to him on a silver platter, but the fuck got too caught up in that. 

Culminated in Deku putting himself into a slump. 

Asshole told me that it’d be best if we didn’t share a bed for now. 

Informed him of how goddamn stupid he is. 

And then I told him to come to bed. 

For better or for worse, we’re a team. 

Shitnerd’s just gonna have to accept it. 

We’re not fucking. 

And we’re more than ready to go back to work already. 

[tidsoptlmist]

It’s a Boy-Girl Thing - E.D.

Authors note: I’M BACK! for those who care: my holiday was sO MUCH FUN OH MY GOD!! I had the bEST time!!! sadly school has started again and i’m drowning in homework again!!! 

disclaimer 1: over these past few weeks I’ve received so many asks about whether or not I was still gonna update this: the answer is YES!

I hate the feeling of letting you all wait or maybe letting you down when i’m not posting as often as i (and you) would want me to. 

the things is that (and this might come as a shocker) actually do have a life outside of tumblr. I’m in my senior year of high school and I trying to get good grades, so I can get into a good university next year...

I do love writing this and I am so excited to continue writing this story (and more!!) and I will not stop until this story is finished!!! I promise ahha!! I see those messages as a compliment (bc apparently you all like this very much and want to read more) but sometimes they make me feel a little bad/stressed because i feel like I’m let you all down... so yea..... I hope you all understand! 

(what im trying to say is that i dont really mind those asks but at the same time it won't help asking bc YES i will be updating: but only when I’m able to...) (which will be regularly again next week!!!!) (promise)

disclaimer 2: this wasn't proofread so my apologies for any (loads of) spelling/grammar error!!!!! im a dyslectic assclown who cant spell to safe their own life so yea... just a lil heads up

Part 9 一 ANIMOSITY

Summary: Ethan and Y/N are neighbors. And although Y/N is on good terms with Ethan’s twin brother Grayson, Y/N and Ethan loathe each other and are constantly in dispute. Ethan is a populair varsity football player, who likes to be in the spotlight. Y/N prefers to stay under the radar, while reading books and poetry.

Although the constant bickering between the two drives everyone around them crazy - the two live their separate lives peacefully. At least that’s how it was until they wake up one morning and every had changed…

PART 1 || PART 2 || PART 3 || PART 4 || PART 5 || PART 6 || PART 7 || PART 8 || PART 9 || PART 10

You liked sports. You honestly liked being active. But not in late summer, when it was hot like an oven outside and the air humid.

You could feel the sweat dripping down your back, your shirt completely drenched. Your heart beat banging in your head and your legs shaking. You squint your eyes against the intense sunset.

Ethan had made you run around the field all afternoon. He had made you run laps, do pushups, situps and all different sorts of exercises which names you had forgotten right after Ethan said you could stop doing them. After finishing you had dropped yourself next to Ethan on the grass: completely worn out.

‘What are you doing?’ Ethan had asked.

‘I’m taking a break. Actually, not even a break: I’m done! I think if I continue I might get a heart attack or something,’ you breath still went rapidly.

Ethan just laughed while grabbing a water bottle from the cooler he had taken with him. ‘What are you on about? This was the warming up!’ He threw a cold bottle of water next to you in the grass. Your hands quickly opened it and you gulped down half of the bottle before glaring at Ethan.

‘I’m definitely warm…’ You mumbled annoyed.

Slowly you had gotten up from the grass and Ethan had made you catch footballs for an hour. The sun was now setting and your whole body ached. You fell onto the bench at the side of the field.

‘I don’t think I’ll ever be able to leave this bench. I can’t carry your body anymore Eth,’ you sighed and wiped your forehead with his shirt. It didn’t help much: your shirt was completely soak. Ethan stood in front of you, grinning. Silently you watched the sunset behind the hills.

‘Let’s go home,’ you said, getting up. You grabbed your bag and looked at Ethan. He was still smiling at you. ‘I thought you said “you were never gonna be able to get off that bench”,’ he chucked at you. You rolled your eyes, but couldn't help but let a smile creep on your face.

‘We really need to head home though. Grayson said something about a party this morning and I think he really wants to go,’ you say as you walk towards the parking lot where Ethan had parked your car earlier.

‘Who’s hosting the party?’ Ethan asked you, eyeing your in a curious manner.

‘Austin, I think…’ You say, trying to remember what Grayson had said this morning. ‘He said Austin invited you both. And that it would be a big party. Apparently his parents are out of town.’

‘You should go,’ Ethan says, as he opens the trunk. You put the footballs and bottles of water and other training gear in the trunk.

‘I don’t want to go,’ you say in all honesty. Ethan rolls his eyes as he closes the trunk again.

‘Grayson and I never go somewhere alone-’

‘Yea, that’s kinda weird: you two should try to being more independent,’ you cut him off. Ethan eyes you angrily - irritated that you cut him off, but ignores your comment.

‘Like I said, before you cut me off: we never go somewhere alone. If Grayson wants to go: you go with him,’ Ethan says as he walks towards the driver seat. You walk towards passengers seat and get into your car.

‘I don’t like those kind of parties! What do you want me to do while I’m there?! Also; this could only go wrong. Someone will definitely notice something’s off!’ You tell him, trying to convince him why you shouldn’t go to Austin’s party.

‘You can try talking to some girls?’ Ethan suggests chuckeling, but quickly comes back from his idea: ‘Wait, no! Don’t talk to girls! You’ll for sure embarrass me!’

You glare at him. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘Y/N, you might have a 4.0 on your GPA but you definitely don’t have a 4.0 in flirting,’ Ethan laughs at his own joke.

‘I’m not that bad….’ You say softly.

‘You know what, I’ll go to the party as well. That way I can keep an eye on you so you don’t embarrass me too much.’ Ethan says. You give him another glare. Annoyed how he won’t trust you.

The field wasn’t far from your home. Ethan parked in front of the Dolan house and you got out of the car.

‘Do you need to pick an outfit for tonight too - or do you trust me to pick one out myself without embarrassing you?’ You snarled at him. Ethan looked unimpressed by your remark.

‘Nah, you’re good,’ he simply said, pushing a strand of your long hair out of his face. In the days that he had been trapped in your body, he had only wore your hair down. It was now that you relised it was probably because he didn’t know how to tie a ponytail with long hair. You huffed and walked towards the trunk where you got the footballs and other training gear.

You walked towards the Dolan house without saying goodbye to Ethan. You dumped the training gear in the garage and walked immediately upstairs. You grabbed a clean pair of undrwear and some basketball shorts and walked towards the shower.

You took a quick shower - the same way you did that morning. This time the towel didn’t drop and you got the underwear on in one go. You stood infront of Ethan’s side of the sink and sprayed on some cologne. You closed your eyes as you inhaled the scent: it was smelled very good.

You walked out of the bathroom and layed down on Ethan’s bed. The party wouldn’t start till 9:30 - so you had a good three hours to kill.

Before you really could think of something to do, Grayson barched into the room. These boys left eachother no privacy did they?!

‘E,’ he exclaimed as he jumbed on the bed next to you, ‘wanna play some video games?’

And before you knew it, you were walking towards Grayson’s room. It was practially the same as Ethan - but with different colored bedsheets and instead of a poster of a motercycle there was a poster of old looking car. You recognised Grayson’s Ford Bronco - altough the one on the poster was red in color. Grayson turned the PlayStation on and handed you a controller.

‘Dude!!’ Grayson yelled at you. You stared at the screen. “YOU DIED” it read in thic red letters.

‘I swear I shot them first! I don’t know how I died?!’ You said annoyed.

‘Why are you so bad at this game?! Did you lose all your skills while haning out with Y/N today or something?!’ Grayson said jokingly, although he stilled looked a little annoyed at you for losing.

‘No,’ you mumbed while restarting the game. Playing video games was more fun then you innitionally thought it would be. Grayson was good company too, chatting away about his day.

‘How is Y/N doing?’ Grayson asks suddenly. You huff, concentrating on the game, ‘she’s good.’

Grayson falls back on the bed, starring at the ceiling, ‘she looks good.’

His comment makes you forget the game and within a second the red letters spelling out “YOU LOST” fill the tv screen again.

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ You ask Grayson, confused. Grayson gives you a ‘like you don’t know what I’m talking about’-look. You gave him the ‘I-really-don’t-have-a-fucking-clue-what-you’re-talking-about-so-tell-me-now’-kind of look.

‘You said it yourself E: she has a good ass!’

You look at him in shock. It was weird hearing Grayson making comments about your ass - well just any ass - without getting red and flushed.

‘I never said that!’ Ethan would never say something like that about you!

‘Yea you did, like three days ago,’ Grayson says while taking the controller from you hands. ‘But don’t worry, I won’t tell Sophia tonight.’ He chuckles at his own joke. He walked towards the PlayStation and turns it off.

‘Is she gonna be there too?’ You mentally roll your eyes. Your energy level for this party just dropped to minus 6.

‘Yea, so let’s have some diner and get ready for this party,’ Grayson says as he walks out of his room. When he’s halfway down the stairs you hear him laugh and say:

‘and don’t forget to bring protection! We don’t want any surprises in 9 months!’

thank you for reading!! leave a comment if you feel like it!! 

please read the DISCLAIMER at the top!!

also: 

- i wrote a short grayson imagine but its not that good should i still post it???

- do you guys want me to make a master list? if so: let me know!! my ask

TAGS : @asapethan , @gabrielle-stark & @coconutethan here you go babes!!

[dbtrilogy2]

Im Sorry(24)

Rebecca

Shaking my hair around snatching my glasses off I take a second scoping out the restaurant.

"You beat me here...how embarrassing."

A bitter chuckle leaves my lips. We get a table far from everyone else by my request. He pulled my chair out. I walk around sitting in the next chair.

"Can I start you all with anything?"

"I'll have a beer anything is fine just not lite and...."

"Two shots of Hennessy."

I'm here for one reason and one only. Soon as the waiter left he try's sparking up a conversation.

"New hair I like it."

"Mmhm." I take back my shots soon as their placed down.

"I'm glad you uh agreed to meeting me. Look um I just...I don't even know. You know I love you it was a mistake telling you what I did like that and I most defiantly regret it. To this day I can't get that look of hurt and betrayal you gave me that day. A second chance would be nice since we've been through it all together you had my back before all the money and fame but I know you deserve better so I won't be completely upset if you decide not to you know go with it. Whatever you wanna do I'm for it."

I've prepared for this moment as much as a person can. Mentally yes my mind has already decided fuck him and that island whore get my money take care of my kids. Emotionally on the other hand....after all he's my husband and the father of my kids. We've been together for so long and this is technically the first real bump in our relationship. I want to take him back with open arms but then I think about this whole situation all over again.

"Funny thing is you said something similar before we started therapy. I thought we just needed to talk have someone to be the mediator so things don't get out of hand or to help each other see the other side. Never would I had even began to think it would've reveal things so deep and in only a few visits."

"You know baby I never wanted to go in the first place but like always I made a sacrifice for you. I always put you first babe you mean everything to me."

He reached over taking my hand. Did he really just try to say this is my fault? I sit up straight taking my water in the hand he tried to reach for.

"Were you with her the days you went ghost?" I already knew he was but this was just gonna determined my next move.

"Honestly yes. She's a break from reality for me. I know it's not what you want to hear but if we really are gonna work this out honesty had to be present. "

"Oh what you had some kind of vacation with the woman you cheated on me with. You thought the best way to deal with a marital problem was to spend time with the cause of said problems?" He stutters over his words. "How stupid do you think I am?"

"Baby-"

"No...I don't want to hear any excuse you have I don't want to try and work this out anymore. I'm not gonna be a solo puller in this your not gonna make me look stupid because you no longer love me or your family."

"I do-"

"You don't. So here's what gonna happen I will file and all you need to do is sign your name. You'll see the kids if they want to see you I won't ask for child support or anything like that. I'm wiping my hands with you after basically forcing myself to stick it through for my kids. I refuse to stay when you don't to."

"Camila took chris back I don't understand why we can't just work through this. That's what married couples do they work together." His points at me starting to breath heavier. "Rebecca....baby please I'm begging you."

"You can't compare us to other Carlton. And even if I was to this still would be different because one: he confessed to his mistake right after it happened, two: he worked to right his wrong and most importantly he didn't go back to who he cheated with in fact he basically cut her off out of respect for his wife. If you would've done that like I asked before we hopefully wouldn't be here! God Carlton just be a man for once and own up to what you did."

We sat here for what felt so long. I never would've thought we would be here in this position. It was suppose to be till death do us part. Turns out all it takes is a island witch to do us part.

My phone vibrates from my lap.

Ted:I'm here

"Clearly you have nothing to say so I'm going to be on with the rest of my day." Putting shades on I stand hooking my purse on my arm.

As I walk pass him he pulls on my bag.

"Look I'm sorry things turned out like this."

"Are you really? People who are sorry try to fix what they've done. You didn't come look for me you did call...you ran right into her arms just like she wanted you to. I'm not about to fight a bitch over a dick. If your so called "sorry" prove it but don't waste my time. She so important then stay there." ........ Wiping my face I chuckle. Ted hands me a tissue. "I can't believe I'm still crying over this nigga. It's not worth it he's not worth it. I'm a fucking jewel a one of a kind."

"One can stay for so long. He's your husband father to your children you care and love this man. It's not gonna be a hop and skip to get over a heartbreak and betrayal. It's healthy to release these tears and pain so that you don't bottle it up becoming bitter I don't want that to taint your beauty."

He came by my shop to help with a couple things like lighting and what not. Soon as I got here it's just like I couldn't hold it any longer. I didn't want Carlton to see me like this hell I don't want Ted to see me. But at this moment with how hurt I am I'd rather get it all out over bottling it up. I don't want to become bitter like he said. Then she wins....technically she already has.

    Mona

Covering my face I rush into the police station with pissed off parents behind me. The officers in front held off the camera men best they could but these people are just ruthless.

I was discharged from the hospital last night but have to come in today to give my side of what happen and identify who did it. It's so many emotions running through my head I didn't even sleep last night. Just cried and cried. I feel so stupid.

For believing he actually liked me and wanted me. For turning on my own sister. And mostly betraying my parents trust in me. They haven't said much to me since the hospital. After getting the test results back it showed I didn't get anytime of STD or anything but what I was drugged with did some damage to my kidneys. Mom cried more than I did probably hearing that and dad he just looked at me.

"You all can wait here while I get the detectives on your case." The cop sat us in one of those rooms with a two way mirror.

I played with my sleeves nervously.

"Mona after this when we get home I need you to pack some clothes us your gonna stay with your grandparents for a while just until all this dies down. You'll do all your school work online for the rest of this quarter." Dad said speaking for the first time since last night.

I nod wiping my face. Two men in suits come in. One hands me a bottle of apple juice and a donut. "Goodmorning Mr and Mrs Washington. Goodmorning Mona...we hope this to be a quick process so you don't have to be here longer than needed. We've already gotten more than enough eye witnesses who were at the party now we just need some details from you. And please let us know everything and be completely honest."

They say putting a recorder on the table in front of me. "Are you comfortable with your parents being in the room?"

I nod. "Yes."

"Alright let's get right to it. How did you meet the student involved?"

"He's my ex boyfriends older brother. I only saw him when he would come home from college."

"How did the relationship began?"

Both mom and dad sat behind me watching close. "I-I noticed him looking at me when he'd pick up his brother and a few times I would go to their house he would smile and wink at me a lot. I decided to break up with my boyfriend and it just went from there."

"What was the relationship like?"

"Well um it was kept a secret so we mostly hung in his car. He would come to my school during lunch or after cheer practice. I would tell my parents I was with a friend or had detention."

"Ok now parents this may be hard to hear these next few questions but please just keep it together so we can get the answers needed. Now Mona before the events were you two sexually active together?"

They are gonna kill me. "Uh we um...it was only oral. The night at the party was the first time he tried more than that."

"Did you ever feel like you could possibly be in danger anytime with him?"

"No he made me feel mature always telling me how I'm not like girls my age and how different I am. I thought he really had some kind of feelings for me but then he laid it on me that he has a girlfriend. I felt so stupid but stayed...clearly I was doing something she wasn't I was important to him so much that he'd risk his relationship."

"But not his reputation since your relationship was clearly a secret. You didn't think that might've been a wake up call. Your only fourteen what could possibly make you feel like you needed this attention so bad you went looking in the wrong places?" The other detective asked. This was the first thing he's said since walking in.

"I became jealous of my sister I thought everyone liked her more than me then my parents started working a little more than usual. Just me being the spoiled brat I've always been."

"So are you saying your parents basically pushed you into the arms of this predator?"

"No! I'd never say that I lied about everything to them they believed me because well I'm their daughter. My mom tried to I guess patch things up but I ditched our plans."

Just thinking how I cried to her about feeling left out then ditched her. Anything could've happened that night I'd possibly would've never been able to spend time with her ever again.

"Now just tell me about this night in question and how it all reaches the point of you being in the hospital."

As much as I really don't want to relive this I have to.

"Um...my friend and I got picked up from her house by Shawn and a friend of his. We got to the party and it was so many people I felt out of place almost like people could tell I wasn't suppose to be there. He left me to get us drinks basically forcing it down on me. I think I was two or three cups in before I started feeling almost like I was on a boat I couldn't keep my balance for anything."

"You were drunk?"

"Yes and he took me to the kitchen to get more but that's when two of his friends came over and asking what he was doing with me because they recognized me being my parents are famous."

"Were one of the friends a female?"

"Yes she was the one that offered to help me. I don't remember anything after that."

Mom came over holding me against her chest crying. I hugged her back as dad came in.

"I'm sorry...I-I didn't...I didn't know."

"You did great Mona all we need now is for you to confirm who we have is the one responsible."

They took us to a similar room being on the other side.

"I don't even know this girl I met her at the party how was I suppose to know she was underage!!"

He's denying me?

"Look kid there is so much we have on you it's really pointless to deny anything at this point."

"Ok ok I did know her but...she told me she was eighteen."

"He's lying....why is he doing this?" More tears began staining my cheeks.

"We've seen enough can we go now?" Dad pulled me away from the mirror.

"We just wait for a court date. Thank you all for coming in today I hope you are able to get through this."

Putting my hood back up we rushed out the station to the waiting car. I hate that I did this to them. I've basically shamed my family. I don't think sorry is enough anymore.

[noditchablepromdate]

A consideration of the muse via TV Tropes

//Mun comments: these are based on my interpretation of and headcanons for the muse, not just canon events.

Appearance/Physical

American Accents - though Bobby himself is from South Dakota, his accent definitely hints towards a more typically southern redneck. Badass Beard - one of his most distinctive features.  Blue Eyes - sometimes Icy Blue Eyes. Generally when he’s getting particularly enraged. Nice Hat - Bobby is almost never seen without one of his beloved trucker caps.  Older Than They Look - Bobby is in his late fifties when the Winchester boys show up asking for help, and by the Apocalypse he’s sixty. He’s grizzled and clearly not in his prime any more, but is still younger-looking, tougher and much more physically capable than a guy his age would usually be. Seriously Scruffy - Bobby’s usual outfit is heavily worn and frayed clothes - usually jeans, t-shirts and flannel - that he’s owned for a very long time.

Personality Traits

A Friend In Need / The Reliable One - One of Bobby’s defining traits is that no matter what, if someone calls on him for help, he will do whatever it takes to give that help. Even if he’s freaking DEAD. Badass Grandpa - Bobby’s out there fighting evil well into his sixties. Brutal Honesty - He doesn’t really do sugar-coating very well, so if he’s presented with something and asked his opinion he will often be very blunt about what he thinks of it. Catch Phrase - His go-to swearword is “Balls!” and he often expresses his annoyance (or affection) by calling someone an “idjit”.  Character Alignment - Chaotic Good. Bobby gives absolutely zero fucks about legal or illegal, but he’s absolutely committed to helping the fight against evil and is basically a decent and kind person. Combat Pragmatist - He doesn’t fight in a bid to impress anybody, he just aims to take his opponent down and make them stop fighting back as fast as possible, and has no qualms about fighting dirty to get the result. Crazy-Prepared / Properly Paranoid - Bobby regularly doses visitors with holy water, keeps guns to fire several different types of monster-slaying ammunition, and has built a panic room in his basement, made of solid iron coated with salt, that is demon- and spirit-proof. He has also made several copies of all his priceless books and stashed them in safehouses around the country, just in case something happens to the collection in his house. And he does it all because he knows it could happen. He’s even described himself as a “paranoid bastard”. Deadpan Snarker - A fundamental aspect of his personality. No matter what situation, he usually manages to come up with a sarcastic or snarky quip. This can lead to Snark-To-Snark Combat breaking out, especially if it’s Crowley he’s talking to. Determinator - He just will not lie down and die. Even when a bullet to the head puts him in a coma, he spends the entire time evading and holding off the Reaper coming after him so he can warn Sam and Dean about the Leviathans’ plans. Encyclopaedic Knowledge - He’s done so much studying that he’s able to reel off facts about rare monsters, cast spells and recite exorcisms, and draw a number of sigils from memory.  Forgets To Eat / Must Have Caffeine - Bobby regularly stays up pulling all-nighters in order to do research for a fellow hunter, and in such cases will often subsist on strong coffee and/or caffeine pills. This has left him with a reliance on coffee that’s almost as bad as his drinking problem. Genius Bruiser - He looks and often acts like a typical dumb redneck, but spends most of his time at home with his books, doing research for others; when called on to join the fight directly, Bobby proves himself as capable of kicking ass as hunters half his age. Good Is Not Dumb - He might be on the side of the good guys, but Bobby sure as hell is not stupid. Good Is Not Soft / Good Is Not Nice - While he has dedicated his life to helping others and saving lives, and is gentle and caring to those in need, Bobby is also a cranky, short-tempered alcoholic who lives on his own and gives everyone, including the law, angels, and Satan himself an attitude. He’s also not likely to spare enemies out of the goodness of his heart, either - the few antagonists who manage to escape his retribution are usually the ones who talk the quickest and convince him they’re worth sparing. Otherwise he’ll finish them off without blinking. Grumpy Old Man - Has definite shades of this, though often as not he’s just playing it up, for the sake of a cover or to amuse people. Gut Feeling - Bobby’s instincts are usually spot on and he’s learned to rely on them reasonably heavily, to the point where he can usually guess within seconds if someone he knows is possessed by a demon or otherwise not actually themself. Of course, being paranoid, he’ll generally follow his guess up with a test to see how right he is. Handicapped Badass - During the year he spends wheelchair-bound; although he’s no longer able to actively hunt, his mind is as quick as ever and he’s still a crack shot. Jerk with a Heart of Gold - Famously bad-tempered, antisocial, yells at people who ask him for help and calls them stupid, regularly gets arrested and has no respect for... pretty much anyone. Also one of the key players in the attempt to head off the Apocalypse, who loves the weird little family he’s got with all his heart and will do anything for them. Knight In Sour Armor - Yeah, the world sucks and pretty much everything is horrible apart from a few little warm spots... but he’ll step up to fight for its right to exist time and time again, because that’s the right thing to do. Mr. Fixit - As well as earning his living as a mechanic and salvage yard owner, Bobby is able to turn his hand to a number of other practical skills; he’s successfully modified several guns to fire specialised ammunition, and built the panic room in his basement himself, during “a weekend off”. He’s also proven to be very capable when it comes to installing booby traps and surprises around his house, including a trapdoor outside the hall closet that drops straight into the basement and a specially strengthened basement door to keep whoever got dropped in from getting back out.  Nerves Of Steel - He’s faced down dozens, maybe hundreds, of monsters over the years, armed with a few weapons and his wits and, if he was really lucky, someone competent running backup. He’s even intervened in a showdown between the archangels Michael and Lucifer, though that didn’t go terribly well for him. Not much fazes him now. Old Master - Bobby has likely fought, researched and warded off more monsters than Sam and Dean put together, and is known to be THE person to go to if you need help tackling something you don’t recognise. Omniglot - He speaks several languages, including Japanese and Latin, and is able to decipher and translate a huge number of written languages. Only Sane Man - He often feels like this, especially after dealing with hunters who have managed to completely fail at displaying common sense. Physical Scars, Psychological Scars - Bobby has picked up scars from all sorts of monster encounters over the years, many of them reminders of what went wrong on the hunt. He also still has some old scars from his childhood, as his father used to beat him with a belt. Self-Surgery - Given he prefers to avoid the authorities unless it’s really serious, Bobby will generally patch himself up with needle, thread and a bottle of Jack Daniels. Street Smart - Studious as he can be, Bobby is also a capable survivalist and very savvy at bluffing his way into situations - or out of them. Taught By Experience / Seen It All - Bobby’s one of the best in the hunting community simply because he’s made it his business to be. He’s encountered monsters very few others have, he’s studied countless texts to find weaknesses nobody else knew about... and he’s closely linked to the Winchesters, who seem to get targeted by all the weirdest things out there. Which he takes as a learning opportunity. It’s not often he actually gets startled by something. Talented But Trained - He’s a very smart man, that’s absolutely certain, but many of his skills are what he’s picked up over a long, rough life, and he’s honed them till they’re sharp as a razor. The Alcoholic / Drowning My Sorrows - He’s turned to alcohol to cope with the horrific things he’s dealt with, from an abusive childhood to killing his possessed wife to the deaths caused because he wasn’t quite quick enough to take down the monster he was hunting. The Kirk - Usually plays this role between cool, logical Sam and hot-headed emotional Dean. Undying Loyalty - Literally, in his case; he takes lethal injuries several times, at least one of which was deliberately self-inflicted, and still keeps trying to help his boys in any way he can. Workaholic - He doesn’t often take a break from working, at least not for very long. Wouldn’t Hurt A Child / Friend To All Children - One of his more likeable traits - after the horrendous upbringing he had, Bobby will go above and beyond to make sure any kids he spends time around feel as safe as possible. He’s gentle, affectionate, and respectful of their thoughts and feelings, especially if their own parents are harsh.

Personal History

Abusive Parents / Alcoholic Parent - Bobby’s father Ed was a drunk who thought nothing of being verbally and physically abusive, punching his wife and regularly taking his belt to his son. By the time Bobby hit his teens, his mother was also blaming him for his dad’s violence. Back From The Dead - Bobby was killed by Lucifer while trying to help buy time for Sam to regain control of his own body. Castiel, newly resurrected himself, brought him back minutes later after the crisis was over. Bobby will occasionally refer to it as “that time I died” or something along those lines. Calling The Old Man Out - He finally snaps and intervenes with a rifle when his father begins beating his mother, demanding Ed leave her alone. When Ed taunts him and threatens to deal with him, Bobby pulls the trigger. Later in life, trapped in a coma, Bobby sees his father again in the memory and confronts him, fiercely claiming to be far better than Ed told him he was. Dead Partner - This applies to a number of Bobby’s old hunting friends who have died over the years, most notably John Winchester, Ellen Harvelle and Rufus Turner, all of whom he had a particular bond with. Deal With The Devil - Technicaly a deal with a demon, but the same principle. When Lucifer is on the verge of triumphing in the bid to start the Apocalypse, Bobby sells - or, technically, pawns - his soul to Crowley for the final key piece of information that gives them a fighting chance. He also regains the ability to walk, though that was more of a generous freebie on Crowley’s part. (Naturally, Crowley does not keep his side of the agreement, and later has to be threatened about it.) Fighting From The Inside - When possessed by a demon trying to kill Dean, Bobby manages to put up enough of a fight to turn the blade on himself. Hero Secret Service - Technically the hunting community could count as this. Although they are not organised and have no authority figures, Bobby is a major persona within the ranks. Only Child Syndrome - With no siblings around, Bobby took the full brunt of his parents’ abuse; he never really understood why, but his mother once hinted that he was too much hard work on his own for them to handle having another kid on top. Survivor Guilt - Regarding pretty much everyone he knows who gets killed. His attitude is always I should have done better.

Romance & Family

Badass Family - Adoptive version; anyone who spends a while around Bobby will absorb some of his personal badassness, even if they are already damn awesome themselves. First Love - Karen, the first woman he ever really loved, and whom he holds a torch for long after her death. Happily Married - With Karen. Until she finds out he doesn’t want to be a father... at which point they have a fight that never gets resolved, because she’s dead three days later. Honorary Uncle - To Sam and Dean as kids, and to most other hunters’ kids he spends any real time around, he was always “Uncle Bobby”. Ho Yay / Foe Yay - He and Crowley clash repeatedly, but all that snark-laden verbal fencing, long looks, moments of real vulnerability around each other... yeah, there’s definitely something going on there. Incompatible Orientation - One of Bobby’s main attempted defences against the attentions of a certain king of Hell. Like A Son To Me / Happily Adopted - Sam and Dean, who he played a large part in raising until their teens. Also counts for any of the other younger people he takes in and becomes a father figure to. Papa Wolf - Don’t mess with his kids. Just don’t. He will hurt you. Parental Substitute - To many of the young people he takes in or keeps an eye out for, particularly those who have had poor experiences with their childhood. He absolutely relishes being able to be a positive figure for a kid who needs it. Stalker With A Crush - This is how he tends to treat Crowley a lot of the time, especially when the demon’s being particularly flirtatious or overly attentive. Team Dad - To... well, pretty much everyone with the age or life experience to be considered a kid in his eyes. This includes the Winchesters, Jo Harvelle, several other hunters around their age, a freaking Vampire Slayer, and Castiel, an actual angel with the social savvy of a very sheltered gerbil.

[myficsknowwhatyoudidinthedark]

Cody Carson x Singer! reader Part 1

Cody Carson x Singer! reader Part 1

Please remember that I use random names in my fics. You may change these names if you do not like them or want to replace them with your name. Feel free. Also, I was writing this and just wanted to get this out but I cannot garantee that this is a full return. Just a fic that I wanted to get out. But... ENOUGH OF THAT! Lets get on with the fic!

(Kory's POV)

    I was currently performing a concert with my band ,(Band Name). But here's the thing. I had a little trick up my sleeve for my boyfriend. My boyfriend (Random Name) has been cheating on me for about 4 months of our 6 month relationship and he thinks that I don't know. Funny.

    So me and the band came up with a plan and it was about to be put in to action.

    "Alright guys! So, If you don't know this, my boyfriend is in the crowd right now and we have been together for about 6 month now and I have decided that I want to dedicate these next 2 songs to him. Now, these songs aren't mine though. These songs are by an amazing band called Set It Off and they are one of my favorites so if you don't know them then go check them out when you get home. But he doesn't know the band so these songs are surprises. So the first song is called Crutch" I say and the crowd blows up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nm1q9IJ92eE (Im going to put the lyrics in bold so you can skip them if you want)

    "I’m holding you up keeping you on your feet

Always in the dark even when you’re next to me

So how does it feel

To know that I would do anything to break your fall?

How does it feel?

I give everything but I get nothing at all

You kill me every time we touch

Baby you use me I’m just your crutch

I don’t know how long I can hold you up

You got me running out of love

Baby you use me I’m just your crutch

I don’t know how long I can hold you up

There’s only so much of the weight I can take

Leaning on me till I bend and I break

So how does it feel

To know that I would do anything to break your fall?

How does it feel?

I give everything but I get nothing at all

You kill me every time we touch

Baby you use me I’m just your crutch

I don’t know how long I can hold you up

You got me running out of love

Baby you use me I’m just your crutch

I don’t know how long I can hold you up

Where you where you gonna be?

Where you gonna be when I need somebody?

Where you where you gonna be?

Where you gonna be when I need somebody?

Where you where you gonna be?

Where you gonna be when I need somebody?

Where you where you gonna be?

Where you gonna be when I need somebody?

You kill me every time we touch

Baby you use me I’m just your crutch

I'm just your crutch

You kill me every time we touch

Baby you use me I’m just your crutch

I don’t know how long I can hold you up

You got me running out of love

Baby you use me I’m just your crutch

I don’t know how long I can hold you up"

    I finish the song and (Boyfriends Name) is staring at me. He had a confused look on his face and I just smirked at him.

    "Alright guys. So now this next song is called Hypnotized and it is also an amazing song so I hope you guys enjoy it." I say and the crowd once again goes crazy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOZbLbQOvhg (Once again skip if you don't want to read the lyrics)

    "Time to pack your bags,

No more looking back,

So quit your cryin’,

I know, you know you’re guilty,

Guess you must have,

Had me in a trance,

And now you’ve lost your chance,

So just quit tryin’,

I know, you know you’re guilty,

Guess you must have had me hypnotized.

Listen carefully, (Shhh)

I know it’s hard for you, (I know)

You’re not quite used to vulgarity and verbal abuse, (Get ready)

Well first off fuck you and what you represent,

Tryna take the money you didn’t earn, you won’t see a fucking cent.

I’m sorry, did I just make you feel upset?

Wanna add a habit and light about 30 cigarettes? (You should)

You’re only mad about the fact that I put a light to you,

Basically tracing paper when all we see is right through you!

Who doesn’t love analogies with a couple meanings,

Especially when it makes a prick like you start steaming,

I can tell you’re not quite gettin’ what I said before,

What I mean by tracing paper’s that you’re see-through and disposable.

Goodbye.

Time to pack your bags,

No more looking back,

So quit your cryin’,

I know, you know you’re guilty,

Guess you must have,

Had me in a trance,

And now you’ve lost your chance,

So just quit tryin’,

I know, you know you’re guilty,

Guess you must have had me hypnotized.

Oh no no

You had me hypnotized

Oh no no

You had me hypno...

I heard you been lyin’ and tryin’ to shit on my name talkin’ behind my back,

You should never expect the best to rest instead you’re spewin’ that bullshit!

Come on, you’re not adept in honesty, (nope)

And honestly, I see you’ve never delivered apologies.

It’s always: “Because of them or because of a thing that happened.”

What do you wanna receive for fucking it up all the time? A fucking statue? (Congrats)

I’ll call it, hmm “Ode to Mr. Miserable”.

Call me harsh for throwin’ darts and aimin’ for your hollow temples.

Oh me? Cody died and it’s no more nice guy season.

Cause now he’s heated and it’s…

Time to pack your bags,

No more looking back,

So quit your cryin’,

I know, you know you’re guilty,

Guess you must have,

Had me in a trance,

And now you’ve lost your chance,

So just quit tryin’,

I know, you know you’re guilty,

Guess you must have had me hypnotized.

Oh no no

You had me hypnotized

Oh no no

You had me hypno...

It’s so unnatural,

You’re throwing dirt into the details,

A common criminal,

And now you’re headed for the derail,

Liar, liar,

Cover up your tracks again,

We’re all aboard and it’s a scorcher,

Fire, fire,

Burnin’ up your back,

Your sin’s your torture.

Time to pack your bags,

No more looking back,

So quit your cryin’,

I know, you know you’re guilty,

Guess you must have,

Had me in a trance,

And now you’ve lost your chance,

So just quit tryin’,

I know, you know you’re guilty,

Guess you must have had me hypnotized.

Oh no no

You had me hypnotized

Oh no no

You had me hypno...

(You are way more than a headache at this point. Do us all a favor, and go fuck yourself.)

    My soon to be ex is now completely confused. I then smile at him. 

     "I know your cheating. You weren't the best a hiding that. All the text and late night taking care of 'business'. But i mean you don’t have a job sooooo, I have no idea what you could be doing. Also you tend to say your with the boys but I talked to them and you certainly weren't with them. So. I wanted to put a light to your horrible behaviour. So, We're through. Also, I want all your shit out of my house by tomorrow night and I will have someone there to make sure you do so and nothing else. So, since we all know that you have no money we all know that you didn't pay for admission so I want your ass out of my concert and I don't want to see you again. Now lets get back to this fucking show. I mean, you guys paid to see us perform so lets get back to it!" I yell and the crowd screams as security escorts (Ex's Name). The rest of the concert went on without a hitch.

(Cody's POV) (Also Cody and Shay aren't together here)

    I had just woken up with a Mateo on my chest. (This is the new house by the way) I pet Mateo while reaching for my phone. When I look at the lock screen it was completely covered in notifications from Twitter. 

     All contained a link to youtube. After skimming through I finally broke and clicked the link that led me to a video called ' Kory Liker breaks up with her cheating boyfriend at concert with Set It Off songs' and I was instantly intreaged by it. As I watch I couldn't help but enjoy the show she was putting on and how much her fans enjoyed it. 

     And she was an amazing singer at that. As the video comes to end I laugh at how she threw shade then threw him out. What a great way to end a relationship. I get up and head to the kitchen to feed the animals if they weren't already and get some food myself.

    As I head downstairs I hear laughing only to see Maxx, Graves (My OC with MAXX) Dan, Zach, Katie and Sydney all in the kitchen laughing. They all looked and Maxx says with a smile

    "Did you see the video?" and I just smirk and nod. "She is an amazing singer. WE HAVE TO COLLAB WITH THEM!" He yells as I feed Mateo. Zelda wasn't down here but Pistol and Tux where chilling by Maxx's feet. "I could DM her but i can't garantee that she will." I say as I sit down and grab the milk and cereal that Graves left on the table. "Nah, She will. She says that she loves you guys!" Graves says as she finishes grabbing a spoon for everyone and then grabs her cereal bowl and sits on Maxx's lap. 

"I guess. But no garantee's" I say as I point a finger at them and then open her profile on Twitter and see that all of them (Set It Off) had followed her as did the girls. I click follow and then go to DM her as she was already following us.

   Cody Carson- Hey it's Cody from Set It Off. Loved the video from your show last night. You really told that asshole. But the guys and I (and the girl) all wanted to know if you and your band want to do a collab with us. Maybe on a weekly youtube video or something but they really wanted me to ask. Just message me back if you have any interest.

    I sent the message and then see that she had just tweeted it said "Wake up to see my idols FOLLOWED ME ON TWITTER! I'M GOING TO DIE!" and I just laugh. I comment back "Please don't die!" and see the other guys had posted comments saying "NOOO! DON'T DO THAT!" from Dan, "OMG! I DON'T WANT TO BE RESPONISBLE FOR THAT!" from Zach and "Damn, these guys must be really great if you feel that way." from Maxx. I then get a notice that she has messaged me back.

    Kory Liker- OMG! WHY ME! AHHHH! I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH! ME AND THE GUYS WOULD LOVE THAT! What should we do?

    Cody Carson- Maybe we could do a few, Last I heard that your last tour date in here in LA and that means you shouldn't live to far from here.

    Kory Liker- Yeah! We are actually doing our last show tomorrow so we are heading home now! What sort of video should we do first?

    Cody Carson- I have no idea. How about when you guys get home and un-pack you head over here. We live at (some random address with a 666 or 69 joke in it. Maybe both)

    Kory Liker- WOW. We only live a few block away from you guys! (We all live on the same block) That's amazing. I'll let the boys know. They may want to show up later though so they can see there wives and kids. I'm the forever alone of the group XD

    Cody Carson- Same! Maxx and his wife Graves are attached at the hip and she is currently sitting on his lap with there daughter (Pistol... Duh) and Zach and Katie's son (Tux) right under them. Katie and Zach are looking at pictures and Dan and Sydney are wedding planning so I am here texting you! Which is way better than what I would usually be doing.

    Kory Liker- Same! The guys are always just chilling with there family and i'm just kinda there XD

    Cody Carson- HAHA. Welp, I'm going to let everyone know and just let me know when your heading over! See ya later!

    Kory Liker- LOL No problem. We are almost home so it should only be about an hour or 2. See ya!

    "Well... I messaged her and...." I start and they all just stare before Graves yells "WHAT THE FUCK DID SHE SAY CARSON!" and we laugh. "She is coming over later to go over ideas videos we could do together. Tomorrow is her last show and her and the guys all live a few blocks away so it won't be a hard thing to do. But the guys won't be here until later and or next time so they can see there wives and kids but other than that she says she should be here in about an hour or 2." I say and they all cheer.

    This is going to be a really fun process.

(AHHHHHH A MULTI PART STORY! I HATE THEM! BUT I FEEL LIKE THIS IS TOO LONG! I WILL BE POSTING THE NEXT PARTS WITHIN THE NEXT DAYS! MUCH LOVE!

[anonymous-human]

Howdy! Going off your Human-in-a-mech-suit idea, how would tfp Autobots react to learning the truth? (Say, like, human stole the suit from MECH or the government and personalized it.)

(I can’t take credit for the metal suit idea… quite brilliant, though! …and i’m mixing in just a tad bit of angst. And also, yes, I’m crying like a little bitch right now.)

You, Agent y/n are an agent to both to test the tech they built from the mech Optimus (heavily modded and upgraded to be more YOU), and to pose as a cybertronian(as a cybertronian found with no memory of Cybertron + other essentials), and learn the team’s true motive*-s. And after a lot of digging and learning, you’ve learned that they speak the truth, and the government has nothing to fear. You have also obtained very strong bonds and relationships with Team Prime. The thing was, they never figured it out, not even Agent Fowler knew.But… the government can’t handle that, just over the suspicion that you’re a liar, despite all evidence that you are not, you are fired from your job as agent Y/n. Team Prime was told you were destroyed by Megatron himself. After going missing from base for a good week, you got back in and stole the suit. You needed to tell them… but how do you break it to them?

Optimus

When Optimus first hears you died by Megatron’s hand, Optimus tries his very best to keep composure, and he does, he’s Optimus freaking Prime.

But he now believes Megatron must die.

So, he’s getting all ready to go, going to kick some bucket, but then, you show up, back from the dead, you show back up and scare the shit outta everyone. 

Optimus was confused, but it quickly came to him he was given false information, and this is where it get’s real, you tell everyone in the room to shut up, and you confess all the lies and stuff you’ve said, and who you really are.

You look at Optimus, your conjux, and you look at him and tell him your sorry, but you’re really a government agent, sent to spy on team prime. “But then, then I realized how… wonderful you all are.” you looked around to them all and smiled. “You’re all so great, a family, and you’re going to win this war,” you told them, you told Optimus, grabbing his servos in your own and rubbing the top of his servo’s with your thumbs. 

You explained how and when you got fired, and what this really is, is just a metal army suit, modded to look cybertronian.

You opened up the front of the cockpit, to reveal you, and you jumped out. You told them you weren’t upset if he was mad, and you deserve shit for lying. 

But he was really sweet about it. He says he doesn’t care, as long as your you, and willing to help the cause. My words, not his.

Ratchet

When the first Ratchet first hears, he doesn’t cry, but he does become more agitated, more aggressive, and less hesitant to kill Megatron. It didn’t go down like it did when he was on synthetic energy, but he’s still pissed off more than usual, less hesitant about killing Megatron, asap.

When you show back up, he’s in shock he thought- he thought- he doesn’t even let you get to explain, he just runs up to you and hugs you. He was so fragging scared. Don’t do that again!

And then you have to tell him. You have to tell them all. “You’re… you’re human?” he was definitely shocked. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Ratch.” you say, standing next to the mech suit.

He’s not really mad about it, he’s made friends with the human kids (… and kinda fowler???), but knowing he was conjux with a human?? It wasn’t weird for him, and you stayed conjux, but he’s just a bit mad you did lie about your entire life. It wasn’t your choice, but damn.

In the end, it was just another reason to say on earth.

Bumblebee

Bumblebee is sparkboken. 

You were his sunshine (his only sunshine) you made his happy when skies were gray.

If you thought he was silent before, he’s definitely silent now!

But then you come back and he’s overjoyed you’re actually alive! Whoa!!

And you tell him your human, and he’s really okay with it! Like, as long as you tell him who you really are! Honesty and communication are the keys to a relationship with bee!

Omg, he thinks you’re so cute as a human! He knows you don’t need him to drive around, but he likes the times you do drive around in him.

Arcee

No, don’t, do this. Don’t play this shit! 

She’s lost TWO (2) partners. This is fucked up!

Really, she’s broken all over again, but much worse. She’s more aggressive while fighting, which is kinda good, but if she sees Megatron she will try to fight him.

And then you appear back at the base, and she sees you, and has a meltdown. She’s down. She’s in your arms crying her optics out. Oh my primus, she missed you so bad. It’s gonna be a while till she cools down, and when she does, then you confess your sins to the bot’s and kids. 

“Are you serious?” and you’ll have to crawl out and show her, and she’ll be okay, she’s just so happy you’re alive, that is all that matters to her.

Bulkhead

Bulkhead really spark broken. When he finds a conjux he’s super protective, and he holds you dear to his spark, so the morning you’re gone he’s freaking out.

When he hears you’re dead, he just… he just needs some alone time. And then alter in the week, Miko will be there for him, cheering him on to get back out there!

When you come back he’s so confused and he screams like a little girl because AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! oH My PRIMUS, i thought you were dead, I, we- and he’s all happy your back!! 

He greets you with one of those spine crushing bear hugs, which are awfully affectionate and he doesn’t let go, because oMG what happened?!

When you explain everything, it was not what he was expecting. And he’s really okay with it, actually. 

Screw the earth government, they don’t know what they’re missing! 

He so happy to be with you on earth (and possibly Cybertron, we have to push the mech suit to it’s very best, alright?(ask me about my Cybertron theory))

 Wheeljack

Wheeljack’s off to get revenge. 

His plan is to blow the nemesis to the ground. 

Of course, we can’t let that happen and the cons capture him, and when he mentioned something about Megatron killing you, (in which megs is confused), and team prime has to save his ass 

(probably not tho, he can take care of himself pretty damn well.)

You tell his first before you tell Team prime, and he takes it pretty well. 

He’s okay with human dating a human, and he calls you cute a lot often when you are out of the suit, but he doesn’t treat you any differently than he would before.

[amuelle]

The third wheel date. Part 3: The final blow….

The car ride of death….

After spending the last hour and a half feeling like death the light at the end of the tunnel came. I still wanted the shirt. At this point, getting the shirt was the only thing keeping me alive. So when the offer for Lucille to drive us all to where he was staying so I could get the shirt then go home via uber (which he was paying for) was put to me, I accepted. According to him it was 10mins away. Literally right around the corner…so I thought ok, you can’t have been made to chaperone a date and still not get the shirt. You gotta be in it to win it! And I wanted the consolation prize. So after a shot of patron we were off. I was walking behind them wounded, tipsy and letting it sink in that I took a whole shower to be here! We get to the parking lot and there in all its glory is her shiny hot AF Audi A4….I couldn’t find one thing wrong with her, she was perfect and now I’m trying to figure out why I was still on this terrible date on the way back to their love nest...

It would have been easy to play the victim if there was something wrong with her. But as far as I could gather she was just a nice girl who met a good looking guy and got swept up in a whirlwind.  She wasn’t playing dumb to get the guy. She wasn’t trying too hard, her outfit wasn’t unavailable or too available, she was comfortable. I was in pain here! Just gaging! She was a really nice woman, so why did I want to be mad at her because HE bruised my ego?

From the backseat their conversation was…well for the people in the front seat. They laughed, giggled touched on each other some more and forgot about their lil third wheel who after that last shot of patron felt like turning up and sleeping at the same time. I tried to be part of the conversation and failed dismally  but thanks to liquor and over thinking the ride wasn’t painfully long. In fact it was over in the blink of an eye (coz I fell asleep). When we arrived I wiped the drool off my face got the shirt and thankfully he had already called the uber. We ALL exchanged hugs and I was out. I would love to act like I left all bad assy shashaying like I was Beyoncé… but no, noooo, it was nothing like that. My behind got into that uber like the tipsy beautiful mess I was. “Its finally over” I thought. I had all these things on my mind, questions that were clearly never going to be answered. I felt bad about myself but proud I sucked it up and didn’t leave empty handed but still…..that was a dick move on Fabs part! 

The uber home…

I’ve had plenty of horrible uber rides. PLENTY. But this one was a special type of horrible because I wanted to talk, get a hug, cry, lash out and get some hard liquor in me but at 11:30 at night people are asleep. I was angry, but not anrgy….my mind was just blown. I was shook! Did that really just happen to me?…Why do I still get taken back to insecure unsure Amu whenever something throws me? Was that REALLY my first Friday night out of 2019? I called my friend who she lives close by and she told me to come over and we could hash it out but she was with her men and his friends I can’t stand so when I got home and told her I was coming she said she was sleeping. I’m like “this punk bitch! How is she sleeping when I have emotional trauma I’m actually prepared to talk about for a change?!!” but also “damn my soft ass was probably going to cry when I got there. I can’t have her friends seeing me cry”. That was a wrap. I was alone this time….really flying solo and it sucked. I was really hurt.

A man sized can and some voice notes later….

You never know the lemons life will throw you and it’s always better to have tequila for those lemons. Fab checked in when uber told him I arrived safe. We chatted a little and then told me that even after all that, he still wasn’t trying to cuff Lucille. Far as he was concerned, he was still single. That was truly the final blow. That made me absolutely sure that he put me through all that….FOR NOTHING!!!! At around 2am after downing two ciders, my hangover secured I decided to sleep. I still felt like melting. I died a lot inside. I was sleeping hoping to wake up in my bed at my parents’ house where this would be a bad dream and I would be spared the incredible embarrassment of waking up post this phenomenally awkward situation. It wasn’t a dream….it had happened, it really REALLY HAPPENED….its wasn’t pleasant but it was a learning experience.

Revelations verses 1- 5

1: Don’t be a jealous woman. I could have been mean and made Lucille feel awkward and wonder why my energy was off when she had done nothing to me. I’m not gonna lie, that was my initial instinct. But the wise woman I am, thought about it. Imagine you met an out of town shooter who swept you up in a whirlwind for a  few days and said you HAD to meet his friend Amu and then in saunters in a sex pot with a shining personality ….what would that do to you and your energy? So I couldn’t be mad at her or jealous.

2. Confront the issue making you uncomfortable but don’t dwell on it: In true Ms Elle fashion I didn’t just let this slide. When we were done breaking the ice and tension had subsided I asked Fab why he would invite me to third wheel when he clearly was trying to have a romantic evening…on top of that neither one of them thought to call a nice single dark skinned brother to keep me company while they got cozy and had the whole restaurant feeling sorry for me as I died from third wheel-dom? I addressed it, he answered and I told him NEVER to do that shit to me again because he only has one pass in life to bruise my ego.

3. If it’s out of your control accept it quickly so you can move on: I was blindsided but that didn’t mean I could change things. What was I gonna do, close my eyes and wish her away?? Run away???NO! Also he was paying for the drinks because he knew he fucked up! So I accepted the situation and moved on. Staying there feeling wounded was not gonna give me back my time, effort, uber money, perfume or make up wasted.

4. Even your homies are shady: From the day he met Lucille, Fab had every opportunity to tell me I met a stunner and I wanna hang with the both of you Friday night when you get here. Did he do that?…NOPE! Meaning that he knew that being vague about the gender of his friend was shady and it was intentional. It was a surprise but it’s a reality of all things relating to human interactions. Even your own homies are shady, don’t let that trip you up. We are all self-serving animals at the end of the day. Just make sure you always get the equivalent of the tshirt.

5. Don’t over think it…. (maybe I should have led with this) It’s tempting but wait till it happens before you to imagine all the wonderful ways something could change your life. In all honesty, I share in how things played out. I over thought it so HARD and it really wasn’t that deep. If I think about it all the influences that made me and Fab hanging out seem like it could be more than just two old friends catching up were external. If someone hadn’t asked us if we were a couple I would have never thought of it as anything more…but I did, because like most I suffer from over thinking. The best musicians learn how to play by ear and from time we should all do the same.

THE END....(yes me and Fab still talk. You never know what the future holds)

Thank you for flying Elle Air, we trust you enjoyed the trip and will fly with us again soon on our next adventure navigating our thirties.…Bisou Bisou….  

[forthemaafuckinglongrun]

Koh Lipe 2018

Special mention to my amazing teammates who braved away their lack of sleep just to send me to the airport. Mind you, these are the people who hardly ever meet me, or I have never have guessed to stay by my side the entire time and helped me calm my storm without them even realizing. Here are the names of those amazing human beings.

Diy. Nad. Nab. Fa. Jaf. Syedah. Iqah. Fiqah. You beautiful ladies have been nothing be exceptional and I owe it all to each and every one of you. I am beyond blessed to have you fine ladies as my friends and I pray to Allah SWT to always, always keep you girls safe.

 To those who had to leave earlier or come later, no exception to you guys too. Despite your work commitments and whatever else you had, you were all there nevertheless. Thank you for being beautiful inside out.

 Atikah. Ameey. Hawa. Ann. Saidah. Saibah. Aniqah.

 I love you guys with every fiber of my being.

 A few hours before departure

So, I was encouraged to write about this trip and hey, I actually convinced myself to do it, because this is my first ever solo trip. As crazy as it seemed to me (definitely not to most cos they champion and I am just a small little fry), I actually put my thoughts into action and here I am, in a little humble pod in A Plus Hostel in Koh Lipe all by myself.

 I am not going to lie that it was unbelievably nerve wrecking at first, but I managed to stop thinking too much and just did it. LOL! I booked my flight and hostel with little or no expectations or whatsoever. All I wanted to do was run away for a bit because life was getting a little too much to handle. I started hating school, I had my fair share of dramas and I was losing interest in eating and sleeping. That made me realize that I should probably get my ass away from the one person that was ruining my life and my future. That is myself. Okay enough about me! Let’s talk about this crazy little trip and its series of unfortunate events.

 18th June 2018 SIN-HDY 0555hrs

I told Diy that I would not sleep in the flight. Guess I was only fooling myself cos damn it, I fell asleep within 10 minutes after takeoff. There went my first sunrise of the trip. Pfft. So as predicted, it was raining when we touched down at HDY International Airport and to my surprise, there were really a lot of elderly in the cabin with me. Where were they going, one can only imagine. Throughout my time in Hat Yai, I realized that people there were a tad less nice compared to other parts of Thailand that I have been to like Phuket, Krabi and Bangkok. Okay no wait. I can hardly recall how “Bangkees” were like. Yup, I just created a name for Bangkok people that does not even make any sense!

 So well anyway, I arrived HDY international airport at 0700hr, went to the travel booth and booked the first ferry ticket to Koh Lipe (actually there was only one ferry timing, but let’s just give me a break). Ferry was at 0930hr so with 2 and a half hours to spare, I had my breakfast at Black Canyon Coffee. TAK HALAL! HAHHAHAHA! Bought my sim card, blah blah blah! At this point of time my power bank has already died on me and it was only 0720hrs, mind you. I did not have a Thai charger. Sad life.

Here’s the bright side. It has only been 3 hours since I left my friends to journey out of my own, but I have already learned that I still need to achieve self-competency and I was not as ready as I thought I was. I have always thought I have done fairly well to keep my shit together after so many years of husting, but 3 hours of being alone in a foreign country was enough to learn that I have a lifetime of learning ahead of me. Afterall, learning is an ongoing and lifetime process, yeah?

Series of unfortunate events #1 – MERRY GO ROUND THE AIRPORT

I was told to be back at the travel counter at 0900hr, so okay. Went out of the airport to smoke only to realize that no entry from the same door. Bloody hell. But because I am a strong, independent and brave little tiny soul, I decided to go find the entrance myself! HA! What a dumbass to do that. Hey! Don’t be quick to judge, ya? The language barrier in Hat Yai was game strong and it was a real challenge to say anything to a non-tourism related Thai without looking like a complete idiot. With this, I realized that I have not been to Thailand for so long that I forgot how to blend in.

 Well so I walked and walked whilst trying to look cool and casual when in actual fact, I looked like a lost tourist. LOL. Ego boost again, people spoke to be in Thai so I guess I was on the safer side. Not long later I saw the entrance to their domestic flight terminal and thought to myself, “Nope, there should be another entrance. Look at the amount of people there!” Mind you, I had 30 more minutes to spare and I could have waited in line. Perhaps I was just finding an excuse to smoke another stick of cigarette. HEH!

 Anyway, I walked back to the exit I was from and tried my luck asking a local. Lady looked at me and pointed the same direction I was from like 30 seconds before. TADAAAAA! Told you I was a dumbass for being an arrogant bitch. NEXT TIME ASK LAH IF NOT SURE! WASTE TIME FOR WHAT?!

 Series of unfortunate events #2 – RAIN RAIN GO AWAY

Boarded the bus and hey hey! Another hour of travelling!! Again, I slept my journey through. Reach the pier and again, PEOPLE IN HAT YAI CANNOT SPEAK ENGLISH! If you ever plan to pay a visit to this part of Thailand, do brush up on your Thai language first. Other than the booths that sell bus, ferry tickets or packages, almost everyone else speaks only in their native language.

I arrived at the pier at 1100hrs. Did the necessary procedures and WA LAH! Time to wait for the “ferry” which was scheduled for departure at 1130hrs. Yup! You guessed it right! As the title of this second part is already a giveaway, it is pretty obvious that 1130hrs did not happen. It was raining heavily and the currents were madness hence, the delay. We finally boarded at approximately 1230hrs and… sigh. I need to take a moment to smoke and calm myself down because part 3 of unfortunate events is something that I will always, always rage about. Stay tuned!

 Series of unfortunate events #3 – LIFE OF PI

WORST. BOATRIDE. EVER.

Yup, I’ve said it. It was the worst. Remember when I said that I bought “ferry” tickets? It was not a ferry for sure. It was a speedboat. A FREAKING LITTLE SPEEDBOAT THAT COULD ACCOMMODATE ABOUT 20 PEOPLE ONBOARD. Yup, that little microscopic speedboat braved the ferocious waves and it was horrible. Let me try to break it down for you.

Imagine being on a bumper car in the Andaman sea. Imagine fearing for your life when your bitesize speedboat full of people and luggage and vegetables (yup, there were veggies onboard) rode the waves that were so high, you almost shat your pants. Close your eyes and visualize a rollercoaster ride with nothing on but a life vest. Imagine that ride was 2 hours long. Remember how it felt when the rollercoaster was heading straight down and you felt your butt lift off the seat? Yup, exactly how I felt on that speedboat. 3 times worse. I could feel how everyone onboard held on to the grab poles with their dear lives. I can only imagine how the little children felt at the back. They might have been terrified as fuck.

It was pretty fun when the speedboat first took off, but the moment the big waves started crashing into us and the speedboat started to feel like it was flying, that was it. I got to admit that my equilibrium gave in and I puked eventually. That was pretty gross. But hey! As did many others. Now here I am, thinking of how in the blue fuck am I going to “ferry” myself back to Hat Yai. Fuck me. Really.

 Series of unfortunate events #4 – TOOT & PUDDLE

Ahaaaa!! The sands of Koh Lipe at last! FINALLY! Upon alighting from the 2 hours of horrifying, terrifying torment, I puked even more. Yeah yeah yeah, kental~.

 Well anyway, in all honesty, Koh Lipe as I saw it this morning, or to be specific, Sunrise Beach, was in a mess. It was littered with both people and rubbish. It was hard to differentiate which was which. You could see the locals trying to clean the garbage that we invaders left behind irresponsibly. Language here, however, was not as strained as in Hat Yai. Nothing else interesting to talk about here cos I was still trying to settle down from the seasickness. All I had in mind was to get to my hostel ASAP and shower cos damn it, I’ve been out since 10am the day before!

 GPS was not in my favour very much and I have yet to figure out how to read their physical map. With the help of a kind local, he pointed me the direction to my hostel. Off I go then!

 HA! Smart aleck here did not learn her lesson from the airport, she happily made her way on her own. I suppose it just stopped raining given how much puddles of water there were everywhere. Literally EVERY-FUCKING-WHERE. Pools and oceans of puddles! Deep, muddy ones! Anyway, as I ventured on in my lovely Nike sneakers, I thought I could hop a little here and there to avoid the puddles. Guess who proved who wrong again!! Me, myself and I. SO PLUPPP! There goes my sneakers and socks!

 End of day one

Eventually I did manage to get myself a Thai adapter for my phone and reached the hostel safely. The hostel is pretty nice, cozy and clean. I showered and fell into a deep, deep sleep till 1900hrs. Got up, went out for dinner, bought myself flower crabs which they served raw (ewww I sent it back and got them to fry the crabs) and went back to start on this lovely piece. Had a break to smoke and watch Deadpool with some other bunkmates andddddddd here I am back again.

 I am actually really amazed at how I could completely fill two pages (1900 words, lol!) worth of events. And this is just day one. I have nothing much planned for tomorrow but I hope to wake up early to roam around this tiny island which has lots and lots of quiet alleys. It is pretty scary sometimes, but God willing, I will be okay. To those who actually read this entire post, thank you for spending your time being interested in my humble little getaway. Till tomorrow, God willing, love you all.