#in addition to the general freak tendencies

[aewrie]

adjacent to that because i have thoughts re: dom/aggressor perspective

the post kinda brings this up, but also not really, and it's one thing that bothers me a bit with these discussions

(recommend reading the linked post for context first)

like, enjoying extreme kinks/whump/etc when it is the role of the dominant/aggressor that appeals to you is also fine. consensual/fictional sadism is fine. people tend to go 'oh no, xyz fantasy is fine because most people fantasize about being the one in the receiving end!' and like, true, that is very common, and fine, but a fantasy of being the one who has the power, who is in control, is also ok.

'creepydoms' absolutely do exist. people using kink as a smokescreen to enable their abuse do exist. that's why you vet your play partners. but dominants, sadist, what have you, are not horrible abusive monsters by default for their preferences.

and. boy was there little material to be found when i was researching top/dom drop. because yea, that exists! people talk about subdrop, and how subs need/deserve aftercare, and need boundaries, and safewords, the whole deal, but nowhere near as many mention that all of this applies to doms/tops as well. their boundaries matter. their consent matters. they deserve care and compassion.

in bdsm, negotiation, safewords, etc are not there to 'protect' the sub from the dom, they're there to help ensure everyone has a good experience. feeling obligated to entertain a partner's intense kink as a dom can go extremely wrong extremely easily just as much as it can in the reverse situation.

and dom drop, even when you do enjoy a thing? it can be seriously bad, and not made easier by the knowledge that you've taken on a role of someone despised, who is at complete odds with your actual moral compass; no matter how well-established good consent was, no matter how much of a good time everyone might have had. it was harrowing reading when i found first-hand accounts instead of general surface-level educational material.

(my opinion on all of this was not different before but holy fuck did reading those comments cement it.)

no one's supposed to feel like that after engaging in fantasy or consensual play. feeling like you are a horrible monster is not a punishment to bear for a fantasy/kink, regardless of the role you take on (or in case of fic, the pov you enjoy). things can go wrong; people can go into stuff unprepared, they might not realize how something might effect them until shit already hit the fan, a drop might come well after a scene when you thought you were fine. but people, including tops/doms, are supposed to get something good out of these fantasies and scenes.

[ewesless]

Quick little thing! No, I was wrong. It became a Very Long Thing...

We know that Diavolo is operating at an entirely different frequency and level of energy from Barbatos and Lucifer and it isn't just because he's a touch starved extrovert with repressed introverts for parental figures friends.* But he might be 18-21.... As a person from the early 90's this is a traumatic realization. I thought he was an early 30s year old manchild to be quite honest.

*love your takes so so so freaking much RadArchives 😭

Utilizes canon compliant relationship dynamics and Diavolo's Lucifer complex. Luke is aged up to cope with fanservice not facilitate it.

I interpreted it as Diavolo was between 10-13 when Barbatos agreed to be his Butler. OM indicates it was 800 years before Barbatos quit feeling angry at Diavolo for the incident (he was teasing). 10,000 is equal to 10 years, so based off my estimate Diavolo would be 18-21. Unless it was 800 plus years then, since Barbatos had time to cool off which would be much more comfortable to me 😂

The canon chronological ages are vague in order for players to have freedom (dads and mom coded old as dirt option through to bratty youngest brother who seems like an angsty and rebellious teen) so just for reference these are the ages I use:

Solomon - 34 (right there in the middle of adulthood and an older brother age bracket with Diavolo. Asmo is robbing his own cradle!)

Simeon - 40 (peers with Lucifer and they are only a few months apart! Perfect adoptive/group dad age of being mature and comforting without being old-old 😭)

Luke - 16 (Again, comfort level. He's a bratty tween, but I can't tolerate the fanservice with him as a 10 year old at all. 16 is a nice middle ground between emotionally charged, discovering self and independence, "I'm grown!" and the complex realities of the world. Him developing THOSE FRUSTRATING AND CONFUSING NEW FEEEEEEELINNNNNNGS are tolerable as well.)

Barbatos - 42 (the answer to life and everything. I'd place him closer to 60 as a foxy and wicked classy grandma older woman gentleman, but he looks like a pretty, young 30-something so this fits the bill. This also goes into my headcanon that Father made him before the angels and long before humanity.)

Diavolo - 33 (an out of touch with the youth and his peers, but still a youthful soul + gap moe)

Belphie and Beel - 25 (still young enough to do underdeveloped maturity and be doted upon baby brothers, but grown enough that they aren't actually immature and know better they just haven't put the effort into developing impulse control and practicing good judgement)

Asmodeus - 27 (pretty and passes easily for 23 but can hook up with the MILFs and DILFs as well as the young 20s. He's young, but not afraid of becoming older, not just because he's beauty everlasting and that skincare routine is ✨️flawless✨️ but because he sees the beauty and attractiveness of maturity and himself)

Satan - 23 (Personal Favorite + Occultic Number! Even though he's as old as Lucifer I feel like he was born at the age that Lucifer was created for additional headcanon reasons.)

Leviathan - 31 (*scoff* "Look at this old loser with a failure to thrive and manchild tendencies" says an old loser with a failure to thrive and the same tendencies)

Mammon - 32 (okay, this would go on for more than a paragraph or few run on sentences 🤣)

Lucifer - THE BIG 40 (caught up between older than the others brother who had to grow up too fast and never got to be young / middle aged surrogate father figure of a house full of rebellious teenaged adopted kids that never got to have his experimental young adult phase...)

Thirteen is a sensitive, trendy young woman so we DON'T ASK THESE QUESTIONS 35 I like an age gap with my ladies~ Candy is 39 (because 4 is associated with death in Japanese and I have a 4 year age gap with my sister which was a perfect combination of generational difference + ability to rebel from the older sibling, angst about idolization and knowing you aren't the same, but aren't meant to be. There's the possibility of strife caused by disappointment(s)/fallen idol for Thirteen and for Candy the pressure of the expectations of parents as first born and the care, protectiveness and responsibility of older sibling for their younger sibling. They're able to rely on each other even though Thirteen is a wild woman antisocial ambivert with a strong personality and even stronger opinions whereas Candy seems like a serious and violently antisocial introvert who conforms and does what she's expected to in all areas of life. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TELL US WHAT CAUSED THE SCHISM BETWEEN THEM. WHAT HAPPENED WRITERS? WHAT HAPPENED?)

Mephistopheles - 31/35 (I like the idea of him having an age gap of 2 years with Diavolo either as a more mature junior to senior or a senpai who won't notice him because his eyes are set on a raven haired beauty with eyes like firy rubies that is also a heavily overworked deskworker with difficult teen boys and an involuntarily in a fatherly role for Diavolo too.)

Raphael - 39 (One year the junior of Lucifer and Simeon. Because he never rebelled I thought it had something to do with him being a degree separated from Sime and Lucy to Father, but still being close enough to him to be the devoted, but the most conflicted about it, son.)

Michael - 40 (Either he was created before Simeon and Lucifer or after them. He's got something seriously suspicious going on. I feel that it parallels Diavolo's, but instead of a hopeful vision for the future and further developing what his father started Michael's is in a self-serving manner and his personal agenda is founded on the self-perception that he knows better than his Father.)

[o-hora-o]

your rambles are music to my ears... sadly it can't be considered canon i think but the evangelion event fueled my ae addition, and i recall a scene where ein wanted to sacrifice the children and tesla was like 'wtf is wrong with you, you changed lieserl' and ein was just like 'yeah, people change.' though she seemed fond of mei that she knew as a baby; knowing in canon that her father ryoma worked for ae and that she knew kiana extremely young as well i can't believe they wasted the potential of lieserl getting attached to the trio more than 'let's sacrifice them it is life' perhaps my perception is biased but back in the vn lieserl used to be the youngest, and seemed to be the most philanthropist among the group (excluding welt) implicitly at least. she was always trying to reasure him and let him live his life, barely minded tesla's antics, questioning edison's mindset bc it was harmful to mankind, they even decided that ae would use auto pilot mechas and not women as valkyries. tesla was far from misanthropist but she seemed more like 'life is life ?' now the tables are somewhat reversed, ein became a cold vessel with clearly morally questionable choices and tesla is the one grieving all their loss explicitly, esp those closes to her like joachim, welt, emma etc (even during a scene when talking to theresa, in present, she wanted to choke otto what all the bloodshed and what ae went through)

"headcanonical ramble" for a reason. Now here's my little events ramble-

Hell yes in the context of the event this was an insanely morally difficult conversation they had. And not just in this event but in general I think they have this interesting tendency of calling each other by their first names when they have some serious or intimate moments and they want to talk not with the mask but with the soul? (or when they tease each other, of course)

Can we also appreciate this scene? A masterpiece!

I'm sorry but can I also mention the Rosemary's event? I can't help but love that plot twist when it was revealed that Joyce didn't actually die and his soul was in Joffrey's body all along and Tesla and Ein were so bad at mourning him that Ein's poor acting skills gave themselves away? 😂

Idk I love all those events in which AE take part for they can be both dramatic and tragic as the eva and rosemary ones or they can be totally chaotic and ridiculous as Gemina Invasions (we've never seen the continuation of it have we? Like Tesla is forever stuck somewhere across Bubble Universes with Bronya on the bike trying to catch Rosa and Liliya and Ein is forever enslaved by the Jinn for the sake of instant noodles debt lmao) or this Odd Drifter einsla moment still lives rent free in my brain:

Once Upon a Time in Shenzhou was also freaking awesome. Especially the part when they had a breakdown and came to two options which are either blow up the whole place or

Ok sorry back to the topic

"now the tables are somewhat reversed, ein became a cold vessel with clearly morally questionable choices and tesla is the one grieving all their loss explicitly". Yeah, agree, nicely phrased. And this drastic psychological change is what I love about them but I can't help but wonder will this ever lead them to some sort of a conflict, especially with Joachim gone. Because Tesla often complains about Ein's "morally questionable choices" but it seems like she can't fully understand Ein's behaviour or do something with it. Maybe at this point It can't be fix. So I hope that the writers won't forget about them as a deeply written characters and they'll have the third and probably the final wave of development.

[starry-mist]

S5e15 and s5e16 thoughts:

Obviously I need to do these ones together. I'm also going to try to do this as sort of a review rather than general thoughts...it's my first time trying this so be nice, LOL.

I have a few thoughts before I jump into the episodes.

One of the main reasons (other than the obvious one of having these additional characters with their own storyline that initially seems separate from what the series regulars are doing) that this initially felt like a backdoor pilot is because one of the titular characters is noticeably absent. And we know this was because John and Meghan were expecting their third child to be born right around the time this was scheduled to film, so he wasn't available. I'm not saying it couldn't still be a backdoor pilot, but I think it's unlikely for the moment.

The story we got was very different from the original synopsis in the article about the Ontario government funding production in Northern Ontario (https://www.nugget.ca/news/five-film-tv-productions-receive-funding) which again, is likely because John was unavailable so they launched Sarah and Jesse into the spotlight for this one.

I know Jesse fans have a lot of feelings about his glasses, and I agree that the explanation for why he no longer wears them is pretty weak. Fans of this show do have a tendency to fixate on changes in character appearances (see also: much controversy on Facebook about Charlie's season 6 hair.) Anyway, characters evolve, people change, I'm just going to leave it at that. Maybe Justin was just sick of wearing them.

Without further ado:

We open with a lovely aerial shot of “Webster Bay,” which I’m sure is 100% a real place and totally not North Bay, Ontario. (It's absolutely not a real place.) A couple is having a romantic moment by the side of the road. Very sweet. Until it turns out the man is there to rob the house across the street. That's...perhaps a little less sweet.

The home invasion/robbery hits a little snag when the homeowner is, well, home, and goes at the would-be robber with a sizeable pair of scissors. He accidentally knocks her out trying to disarm her, and it's time for the happy couple to GTFO.

Roll credits.

Back in St. John's, the Major Crimes team has ordered lunch. Jesse gets an ominous phone call from his previously-never-mentioned sister.

It's the season of new family members coming out of the woodwork. Sigh.

Anyway, Jesse's sister is in Northern Ontario, as far as he knows (which is apparently where they both grew up...look I'm just going to keep rolling my eyes at all of these things that could have been mentioned IN FOUR PREVIOUS SEASONS) and is in trouble. Come quick. No cops. Doesn't sound sketchy at all...

Jesse's ready to go to her rescue, but Charlie doesn't think he should go alone.

Sarah: You want to go with him?

Charlie: I was thinking you. And Rex.

(Yeah, remember those establishing moments I mentioned in the previous two episodes? Those are now relevant.)

Apparently Charlie has some important stuff he has to take care of.

(Please remind me I need to someday write a fic about Charlie’s guilt at sending the trio into harms way.)

This whole scene is a little forced, IMHO, but anyway, off they go.

Cut to Ontario, where we now have MEGAN FREAKING FOLLOWS, OMG, BE STILL MY ANNE OF GREEN GABLES-LOVING HEART. At this point, I should note that I do love these fleshed-out original characters and their stories, which initially feel strange given we've never seen them before, but will make sense later.

(Pause for my usual commentary of same actor, different character: Cihang Ma previously played Holly in s3’s Seeing is Deceiving. Here they play Detective Kai Huang, and let me just express my appreciation for a non-binary actor playing a non-binary role.)

Anyway, Detective Anne of Green Gables Sidney Scott is on scene and having flashbacks. It looks like she lost someone close to her. Kai thinks the people who broke in were addicts. Sidney has other ideas. She talks to the victim's husband, Tim Cooper, who apparently worked with her husband as well. But she makes it clear that she's definitely off work and totally not on the case.

Right...

Back to St. John’s, Charlie is having someone dig up Constable Charlie Hudson’s incident reports from October 30, 2009. Okay first off, I would have appreciated some flashbacks to a younger Charlie, but I don't always get what I want (rarely, in fact.) And we find out that Charlie is investigating his "white whale" of a child abduction case that has haunted him for 14 years, which has of course been foreshadowed in prior seasons because this show is so amazing at continuity. /s

Cut to Charlie's house, with him taping up a makeshift "murder board" on the wall. My dude, you're going to need to repaint...

Meanwhile in Ontario, we have lovely wide shots of fall colours. So pretty. We also have rapid-fire voiceover exposition from Sarah and Jesse on their arrival, where they're going, how long it's taken them to get there, and honestly, this is yet another of those "show, don't tell" moments that this show struggles with.

The trio arrive at “an old Cold War missile site” where Jesse and Crystal came when they were kids, riding their bikes down from his uncle’s place. Questions abound about who actually raised Jesse, who has mentioned his mom (in a throwaway line in s2) and a deceased father. Now there was apparently an uncle? Okay we'll go with it. Anyway, Jesse and Crystal used to hang out here and build camps in abandoned buildings.

Sarah and Rex are the third wheels (actually fourth and fifth, I suppose) in the Jesse/Crystal/random sketchy boyfriend scene as they head into an abandoned hangar. Sketchy boyfriend (who has a name that I'm not bothering to look it up given he won't be around that long) wants to know if these new additions are cool.

Sarah: Dr. Sarah Truong, hi. We’re cool.

(I don't know why I find that line so amusing.)

Rex senses danger. Looks like it's time to GTFO of the hangar.

This is where I point out that two of these characters are weapons-trained cops, one of whom we have seen is basically a sharpshooter…And none of this apparently matters as neither of them have a weapon on hand that they can use. Oops.

Going to have to suspend disbelief at the fact that the sniper can instantly kill the bf, shoot out the tires on Sarah and Jesse's rental car (that's going to be a hefty repair bill,) but then they're all just able to run out in the open and magically escape…right.

This is pretty elaborate for a scene that is essentially just a setup for the plane crash.

Sidney Scott visits a man named Elvis Migwan outside the local hospital. We learn that there is a local Indigenous community whose water has apparently been affected by runoff from a mining operation. Elvis's daughter is sick. And this is a really relevant topic given how many Indigenous communities in Canada lack access to clean water.

Back to the airfield, and I'm just going to speculate that they blew the budget on this next scene and on the plane crash.

Apparently flight simulator games have taught Jesse enough that he can figure out how to fly a plane...again, suspending disbelief. The team take to the skies and are promptly shot down by the sniper, as my anxiety begins to ratchet up.

The remote lake where they crash would be a pretty place to camp in any other circumstance.

Anne of Green Gables Sidney has a nice, large house. It's actually pretty big for one person. Hey, Sidney has that in common with Charlie. They should hang out. Inspector Yousef Ali stops by and brings Sidney dinner. It's a salad. She's displeased. I start to ship them.

Charlie and Joe have a scene at Charlie’s house and it's just not working for me. I can't help it. The whole Alison case appearing out of the blue feels forced.

(However, Joe is totally checking out the new, shall we say, feminine touches in Charlie’s house.)

At the crash site, Jesse manages to smash open his door when there were two perfectly good open ones on the other side of the plane, because reasons? Crystal’s wrist is probably broken, Jesse’s got some cracked ribs…but at least they have a doctor with them who’s totally in one piece and definitely not injured.

Sarah asks for a first aid kit, presumably to do, you know, actual first aid...oh wait, no, instead she scribbles some notes on a piece of paper, which she rolls into a little case that she attaches to Rex's collar. With a tearful hug, she sends Rex off into the wilderness.

Cue “The Littlest Hobo” theme.

Rex wanders the woods.

Sidney Scott decides to go back to work.

Back at the crash site, we find out Crystal’s a pretty big screwup, and Jesse chastises her for her messing up her life. Not super helpful at the moment, Jesse.

Sarah starts to look disoriented and possibly in pain. This is going to get worse before it gets better.

Rex encounters some sort of bird of prey (I think it's a hawk, but I'm not an expert.) No worries, he'll just hide under a bridge for a moment.

Another "same actor different character" moment: the actor playing Bertrand Boyle previously appeared as Tucker Moore in s4’s No Man is an Island.

Rex is under a sky full of stars, which I'm sure he'd pause to appreciate if there weren't a pack of wolves nearby. I believe I read somewhere that Sherri Davis who trains the dogs actually trained all the animals that appeared in this one. I’m in awe of her talent.

Morning at the crash site. Crystal is about to peace out. Jesse talks her into staying. And Sarah wakes up in rough shape.

And here is where I state that Mayko Nguyen is the best actor on this show, fight me. She completely nailed that subtle shift when Sarah realizes that she's injured, and more seriously than she initially thought.

(Side note: I love that Mayko is wearing her trademark huge puffy warm coat. She is apparently always cold.)

So anyway, Sarah has realized that she's bleeding internally, and tells Jesse that he'll need to operate.

Right…

Sarah: You can do anything you put your mind to, Jesse Mills. You just flew a plane!

I really hope they submitted this episode for this year's Canadian Screen Awards.

On his continued trek through the wilderness, Rex encounters the most fearsome of woodland creatures: a skunk. Oh no! What if he ends up smelly?!! Anyway, Rex wins the territorial battle, and over the log bridge he goes.

Oh look, an owl.

So many critters.

There's a road! And with a short swim, Rex has officially made it back to civilization where he is promptly picked up by some sinister characters in a truck.

I'm not going into the gory details of Jesse doing field surgery on Sarah, because I still find it hard to watch, but anyway, give Mayko an Emmy. Hell, give her an Oscar. Give her all the things.

...right now, because I’m not watching these separately.

Ugh. Field surgery. I feel very much the same way as Jesse does when it comes to blood.

Cut to the Ontario Police Service (or whatever they’re calling their version of Ontario Provincial Police) HQ building, which I’m pretty sure is part of Nipissing University, as is the “hospital” we see later.

Detective Scott, meet Rex. He'll keep you on your toes.

See you later, sketchbags in the pickup truck. Nobody messes with our boy Rex.

Oh hey, it’s Charlie Hudson. Kind of forgot about that guy for a moment. Anyway Charlie and Joe get a call from Sidney about the plane crash. Charlie holds back...really any emotion whatsoever.

Sidney! Rex! Helicopter!

Sidney sends Charlie a photo of the note that Rex brought her, and Charlie recognizes Sarah’s handwriting. Joe tries to be reassuring. Okay, now they're showing a little bit of worry at the unknown fate of their friends.

Sarah is now semi-conscious and making last requests.

Sarah: If I don’t make it you have to find Rex…tell Charlie…

Jesse: No, you’re gonna tell him yourself…

Me: Tell him what, exactly? Because you've been a couple more than long enough that I refuse to believe there have been no "I love yous" exchanged, even if we've yet to see it said on screen.

Anyway Sarah passes back out, while I continue to hyperventilate.

Cut to St. John's. Charlie feels guilty for not going. Joe steers him back into his B plot. It still feels forced.

Sidney chatting "with" Rex as he leads her through the woods cracks me up.

At the crash site, Sarah wakes up feverish. She knows she probably an infection. So she should totally drink the unfiltered lake water Crystal brings her, because what’s a little E. coli going to do? Anyway apparently it’s all good as long as the paramedics push IV antibiotics…whatever. Sidney and Rex of course arrive at exactly the right time!

Rex lays protectively on his “mom.”

And the look Sidney gives Crystal tells us her shit is officially about to hit the fan.

Jesse has a phone call with Joe and Charlie to fill them in on all the nitty-gritty. Charlie wants to talk to Sarah, who is now in actual surgery. Jesse goes to check on his sister, who is now under arrest.

Crystal: I just watched my boyfriend get shot and killed and was pretty sure we were all gonna die in a plane crash. It’s been a lot.

Sarah Swire's deadpan delivery of the above lines is just so good.

Sidney questions Crystal, and it become clear that she definitely has a personal stake in this. Crystal swears there was no gun at the house her boyfriend robbed. She wants Jesse to cover for her by taking the backpack full of money, which of course he does. For now.

Sidney: Are you here as a cop or a brother?

Jesse: I have to be both.

Rex wants to help Sidney track the shooter. This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship!

In Sarah's hospital room, she's sitting up in bed and talking to Charlie, albeit briefly. That conversation should have been longer and more emotional.

Tracking the shooter leads to more amusing Sidney and Rex "conversation." They find the type of gun that was used to kill Sidney’s husband. Suddenly Sidney's personal stake in the case makes sense.

Jesse and Sarah chat in her hospital room where she's looking pretty well recovered considering she just had two abdominal surgeries...and then she’s up and at it looking over forensics with Kai. It turns out Kai had the wrong time of death.

Joe reassures Charlie, who is feeling stuck on the Alison case, that he’s a great cop, great detective, blah blah. Says he needs to figure out how to move on so he can be ready for the next people who need his help. So clearly we’re done with this case and it definitely won’t reappear in a future episode...*eyes the next episode on the list*

The totally-not-the-shooter guy whose name I can’t be bothered to learn thinks Sidney’s husband would want her to move on and enjoy the life she has left. Okay then.

It seems that Crystal did in fact know that there would be money in the house. Also she knows about the contaminated runoff situation from the mine. Working as a cleaner, she managed to overhear all kinds of things, and through creative use of french fries, casually explains to Jesse how the mine’s money laundering scheme worked.

Incoming sniper. Again. Rex attempts a takedown but the sniper nearly runs him over with his car. Well, at least they should have a license plate now, assuming Jesse can actually see it without his glasses.

Seeing that it's time to come clean, the Mills siblings take the backpack full of money to Sidney. Crystal reveals how she knew the money was at the Cooper house by basically rehashing everything she just told Jesse. And maintains that her brush with law-breaking was "just one time."

Jesse to Crystal: Rex is really disappointed in you.

Sidney goes back to Elvis Migwan and asks how he knew about the mine runoff. And we now know that her husband faked the reports that said the water was clean.

Back at home, Sidney rips down her wall murder board. She's coming to terms with who her husband really was. He was killed in order to keep him quiet, but he knew a lot more than he let on.

Sidney goes off to question Tim Cooper, who is the actual mastermind behind all of this. Inspector Ali tells her she needs backup. It looks like she rolls up with just Rex, who stays in the car.

Sniper dude is on the scene. Oh, apparently his name is Wayne.

Rex takes him down.

Sidney gets a confession from Cooper.

And the rest of the backup team comes out of hiding.

Sidney, needing to make amends, takes a USB with proof of the falsified mine records to Elvis Migwan. It's everything he will need for his lawsuit against the mining company.

Jesse and Crystal chat as he is ready to head back home. Maybe she'll visit St. John's someday. (Here’s hoping.)

Sid puts away a photo of her and her husband. Ali shows up. Sidney tells him she's planning to sell the house, and that she doesn’t like salad. He's brought her a burger this time.

Could be love.

Sidney swears she's getting groceries tomorrow, and will be back at work on Monday. She's picking up the pieces. She also wants to choose her own partner. Say hello to Little Rex.

Sarah, Jesse and Rex head for the plane.

Jesse: You know, second time's the charm flying the plane.

Sarah: Too soon!

Charlie pulls the pictures of Alison off his wall. He's letting it go.

The door opens, and we get probably my favourite Charah scene ever. The clinging hug. The concern for each other. The intimacy of their foreheads pressed together as they gently sway.

Swoon.

Best episodes ever.

[monocle-teacup]

Hi! I am glad that someone is interested in my posts! I think it would be more comfortable to respond to your reblog this way, if you don't mind, of course.

- On the lack of a first name

I agree, this was most likely the original plan, but it seems to me that by the end of the season the authors decided to make a completely black-and-white morality, so they had to dehumanize Meridian, and revealing the name and the emotional scene between him and Alex would not help this new idea. I don't blame it on the need to develop the plot quickly, because literally one or two lines of dialogue would fix it. So it was the authors who probably decided to go this way.

-The circumstances around him losing his arm

I understand this, and what surprises me is that there was not a single flashback or further details about this fateful event in the character's life. For example, at the GHOST base, in addition to working for Croft, he was looking for a cure for himself. The viewer could be shown some kind of screen with X-rays or diagrams in the background, where we could see some additional structures that were added by Arachnamechs. That would be an interesting little detail.

-The deal with him and Croft

Yes! I really like the way Meridian worked at these moments, his emotions and attitude towards Croft are obvious, as is her attitude towards him. My problem is that it looks like a puzzle with about 1/5 of the pieces missing. We understand what kind of picture should be in front of us, but the key point is missing. Meridian has been drafted and is supposed to hate the entire organization, not just Croft, but he's not trying to destroy the GHOST or kill other employees. Croft treats him not just as an employee who needs to be exploited to the last, until there is no replacement, as the head of a large villainous organization would behave. No, she does not feel such a level of inner hostility and does not show it towards other employees, only towards Meridian. I got the impression that there must have been a personal conflict between them, some specific event or series of events that made them hate each other. But here either the authors did not want to delve into this additional plot, or they did not come up with a reason.

I'm always up for chatting about Mandroid and other aspects of ES! It's actually quite nice to be able to actually discuss Mandroid's character deeper since IMO there's a lot to talk about.

The thing that gets me is that in the show's Production Bible, Mandroid's character description outright refers to him as a tragic villain. It's like the writers were afraid to actually explore this concept fully since that would go against the show's obsession with making humans that hate Cybertronians automatically terrible people.

There really needs to be a Battle of the Bay flashback not just for Mandroid, but so many other characters as well. Dot lost her leg in that conflict and it's when Megatron switched sides. But nope, the show was too busy bludgeoning the audience with the whole importance of family thing.

The thing about Mandroid is that from what's been shown he only goes after humans if they interfere with his plans (the Maltos) or in Croft's case, treat him like garbage. I see some fan content where it has him going after random humans when he just wouldn't do that. His main concern is Transformers not people.

I've made a post about this before, but IMO Mandroid and Croft are good foils to each other. If Mandroid is fire then Croft is ice. Croft is a very frigid person in general going by her interactions with Schloder and when she tries to arrest Dot and Alex. As ridiculous as her master plan of conquering Cybertron is, it does fit in nicely with her control freak tendencies. I mean, she has a personal army of mindless robots while Mandroid went out of his way to give the Arachnamechs personality. I have this headcanon where the two just instantly disliked each other upon first meeting.

[crow-stars]

❝CREEPY CRAWLING UP MY SKIN❞

❦summary; it's a wonder to many why jamil continues to hang out with you, but he manages it somehow. ♪the characters in this story; gn!reader, jamil viper, kalim al-asim ✎word count; 1,111 ❀what do the ghosts say?; ambiguous, SPIDERS SPIDERS SPIDERS I SWEAR SPIDERS, reader's a lil bug lover, jamil gets traumatized, kalim is just trying to help but isn't ☛the author's notes; i hate spiders, but i think this'll be funny ☪look at the catalogue?

You loved spiders. More specifically, bugs and critters with more than four legs, but spiders were your favorite. 

Jamil hates spiders. Loathes anything that dares to skitter and crawl in his general vicinity. Spiders, even so. 

Despite this, you and Jamil have, somehow, become good friends. At first, it was only because of Kalim becoming friends with you and bringing you over to the dorm. You had even brought your pet spider over once. That was quite the event in Scarabia. 

It took a long time, emphasis on long, for Jamil to actually warm up to you. Especially with your tendency to find random bugs on the floor and bringing it over to your friends to show. 

For example, when you were first hanging out with Jamil, you had found a little group of pill bugs and was ecstatic at the find. Jamil and Kalim were sitting nearby having lunch as usual. You rush over to the two, hands cupped around the pill bugs, a grin on your lips and clearly giddy. 

“Guys, guys! Look what I found!” Jamil and Kalim looked over at you just as you opened your hands to reveal the small little critters crawling around on your palm. 

Kalim’s first reaction was to marvel at such tiny little creatures while Jamil’s breath hitched and he let out a short yell of surprise and shoved your hand away. The pill bugs went flying before they fell back onto the floor and skittered away. Once Jamil had realized what he did, he apologized in some attempt to regain his composure, but you just laughed and assured the vice housewarden that it was alright and that you’d do your best to not show him any bugs, directly, again. 

And you kept that promise at the very least, though it didn’t extend to talking about bugs. While Jamil wasn’t particularly fond of whenever you talked about bugs, he didn’t mind just listening to you talk. So came this tentative agreement of Jamil listening to you talk about bugs so your itch for bugs could be satiated and you being able to talk about your interest with your friend without freaking him out too much. 

Kalim had invited you over to another sleepover of his and, as usual, you accepted the invite, with one request to bring over your pet spider to show to Kalim. Of course, you told him that you’d keep the eight legged arachnid in her cage and you warned Jamil about your plans so he knew to stay as far away as he needed. 

When you had finally arrived at Scarabia, with your precious spider in tow, Kalim was all smiles and cheer while Jamil was at least four steps away from you. He couldn’t stay too far away, what with Kalim’s usual antics, but Jamil stayed a good distance away. The night went on as normal, the usual sleepover activities of eating popcorn together, telling stories, and eating junk food, with the addition of you infodumping about your spider. You had to get up to go to the bathroom and when you returned, Kalim wasn’t in the little pillow pile. Nor was your spider in her glass cage. 

And then you heard a familiar scream and your legs were moving before your brain could catch up. 

“Stop trying to touch it! No! Kalim!” 

“W-Wait I can do thisㅡ Gimme a second Jamil!” 

“KALIM STOP!”

Jamil’s terrified screams lead you to the end of one of Scarabia’s hallways, with Jamil back up in a corner, your spider just idling about on the floor, and Kalim, trying to pick up your spider, but only ushering it towards Jamil further. In summary, this was not the most ideal situation. 

You were quick to rush to Jamil’s aid, scooping up your pet safely. After taking a moment to coo and teasingly chide your arachnid, you rush to get her back into her enclosure, making sure to secure the cage tight before rushing back to check on Jamil. 

He was doing one of those breathing exercises, taking in a deep breath in slowly and doing the same when breathing out. You patted his shoulder in an attempt at comforting, to which Jamil was grateful for. 

It seemed like you apologized over a hundred times, for not watching your spider, for not realizing that the cage may have been loose or ajar, and basically just begging for forgiveness for your seeming neglect. Jamil had to stop you from apologizing once more, practically shaking you in pleas to stop. You did, after one more apology, a nervous expression on your face in comparison to Jamil’s more calm, but also tired one. 

Somehow, you and Kalim managed to coax Jamil into the pillow pile, though you had moved your spider out of Jamil’s proximity. Kalim had even gone so far as to go to Sam’s to get some snacks for Jamil. The rest of the night had been spent as it usually would, talking together, watching videos on magicam, and even baking together. Though, more like it was Jamil and you baking with Kalim watching. 

It definitely helped Jamil with getting that encounter from earlier out of his head and calm him down some. The night ended with Jamil ushering Kalim to bed and you being left on the pillow pile to sleep. Jamil comes back and sits beside you, shoulders slumped as he allows the day’s weariness to wash over him. 

You rolled over onto your side to face him, blinking a bit at him in the dim dorm room. 

“Sorry.” 

A sigh, a roll of his eyes, and a small chuckle from you. 

“Stop apologizing. It’s nothing.” 

“You were screaming pretty loudly.”

You got hit in the shoulder swiftly after your comment and it made you laugh. A bit of silence for a few moments and you opened your mouth to apologize again. 

“You know that Kalim did it, right?” 

This is what finally got you to stop for a second, mind running over the possibilities of how or why. Thankfully, Jamil answers that question for you.

“You know not to leave Kalim without supervision. Especially things he shouldn’t be touching.” An exhale of air leaves you, a cross between a sigh and an exasperated chuckle. Hands drag down your face, head leaning back against the pillows. Jamil does the same, laying down, that is, eyes closing and hands propping his head up. 

It’s a comforting feeling, laying next to your friend, despite the grievances caused by today. He ended up falling asleep next to you with you following soon after. Peacefully sleeping, side by side, with a little spider by your side.

[ao3feed-ds9]

Odo the Hypochondriac

https://ift.tt/ikQdnB1 by Superfloxes Ever since Odo was turned into a solid, Julian’s been getting a lot more ‘business��. Unfortunately, it’s always Odo. Who’s convinced that he’s dying every time something is even SLIGHTLY wrong. Prompt: 19, Hypochondriac Tendencies Words: 1845, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: Gen Characters: Odo (Star Trek), Julian Bashir Relationships: Julian Bashir & Odo Additional Tags: Sickfic, Sicktember 2024, Hypochondria, Stomach Ache, Hay Fever, Solid Odo, Odo isn't used to having a human body and he is freaking OUT, Julian Bashir Is A Good Friend, Short & Sweet, Humor, contains a poop joke and very brief sexual humour

[autumnalwalker]

Sometimes one character's growth milestone is another's trauma...

So, as I find myself wrapping up Chapter 24 of Empty Names and finally coming up on a pair of sequences that I've been planning since the story's initial brainstorming, it occurs to me that Chapters 21 through 31 can be summed up as "Eris has the worst week of her life". It's not great for the others, but her especially as I start to see how pre-planned elements begin to interact with elements that grew as I was writing.

Some additional context regarding Eris:

Eris's worst fear is ceasing to be herself. This is a fairly literal fear given how the magic system works with self-perception sometimes physically manifesting, her being particularly sensitive/susceptible to that phenomenon, and the tendency of monster hunters to transform into monsters themselves after losing themselves more and more to the thrill of the hunt over time.

Eris is pretty big on only ever hurting monsters and not people.

Eris and her ex-girlfriend, Gretchen, broke up because Gretchen kept going on about how romantic it would be if one or both of them turned and the other had to tragically put them down.

Eris has issues with mages. She's been lit on fire by them at least twice. Ashan (a wizard) has proven himself to be a notable exception to her general opinion.

About a month before the Terrible Week, Eris saved Ashan's life by jumping between him and a miniature exploding sun conjured by an enemy wizard. Part of the reason she survived was by (unintentionally and temporarily) turning into some sort of terrifying flaming rage filled monster that then may or may not have killed said enemy wizard.

Eris blacked out at the point of the miniature sun exploding and does not really remember the transformation or how terribly burned she was afterward between then and getting partially healed. But she occasionally gets fragmentary flashbacks of it.

The more complete experimental magic healing from said burns was carried out by Lacuna and had the unanticipated side effect of temporarily erasing some unrelated scars and her memory of getting said scars. This understandably freaked her out a bit once she realized what happened.

Every interaction she's ever had with Sullivan, Sullivan's gone out of his way to antagonize her.

With that preamble out of the way...

The Worst Week of Eris's Life: (Spoilers for upcoming chapters)

Monday (Chapter 21): Eris gets a call from her ex-girlfriend, Gretchen, asking to help her out with a problem. It turns out to be a scheme to get them both trapped in an eldritch horrorterror's psychic non-euclidean mindscape labyrinth until one or both of them gets pushed over the edge of losing herself and changing. Eris very nearly loses herself, relives the whole getting lit on fire and transforming thing, pulls herself back from the brink, watches a bunch of her childhood memories put on display (some fond/bittersweet, some painful), finds Gretchen partially transformed, pulls her back from the brink, and then escapes with the help of Road. By evening she's been awake for over 24 hours and she passes out on the couch with Lacuna while her favorite comfort movie plays (that Lacuna kept on hand for just such an occasion).

Tuesday (Chapter 23): Eris wakes up, has an awkward moment with Lacuna, goes to make breakfast, and finds a note saying that Gretchen snuck out in the middle of the night, bailing on her and any further attempts to help. The note indicates that Sullivan had something to do with this. Eris then gets stuck in a car with Sullivan for 8+ hours, trying to be civil in the first half because there are other people present, and being less so in the second half. Seemingly out of the blue Sullivan's usual trollish behavior changes to something more serious and he starts implying that Road is mentally and metaphysically unwell but refusing to give details and asking her to keep an eye out for them in case she needs to help them the same way she helped Gretchen.

Wednesday (Chapter 24): Ashan shows off a new type of magic he's learned that involves healing people by lighting them on (painless magical) fire. Eris downplays how much the sight of this bothers her. She makes an offhand comment about her observations of Ashan's magic and it gets pointed out that she herself might technically be some form of mage, or at least a potential one. Eris then gets stuck in the car all day with Road, which would normally be fine if not for yesterday's conversation with Sullivan hanging over her head.

Thursday: Just trying to process all this.

Friday (Chapters 25-28): Eris wakes up to an excited text from Lacuna wanting to show her something. It turns out that Lacuna finally got tech-assisted transformation magic working in order to DIY her transition and give herself the body she always wanted overnight. Said body include cat ears, eyes, and tail. Eris tries really hard to be supportive and happy for her while simultaneously hiding how much the cat features are uncomfortably reminding her of what happened with Gretchen a few days ago. Sullivan stabs Lacuna. It's revealed that Lacuna's transformation magic works via overriding a person's internalized self image so thoroughly that their body physically changes to match, and that a key breakthrough in figuring this out came from analyzing the memory-altering side effects of the healing ritual she performed on Eris a month ago. Eris reacts poorly to the fact that her best friend has essentially invented a way to replace a person's sense of self and identity (not what she's using it for, but the ability to do that was a prerequisite to the less extreme, more benign usage she had in mind).

Saturday: Attempting to process the week's events. Lacuna isn't talking to Eris and Eris isn't sure or not if she wants to talk to Lacuna right now.

Sunday (Chapters 29-31): Road takes Lacuna along with them to talk to someone about paratech in a place that's supposed to be safe with nothing dangerous while Eris, Ashan, and Sullivan go handle some monster-of-the-week type stuff elsewhere. A couple hours later, Eris gets a frantic, terrified phone call from Lacuna that things have gone very badly very fast. The call gets cut off. Eris drops everything and rushes to the scene to find a bunch of killer robots and a feral monster wearing Lacuna's hoodie that's attacking anything that moves, including her.

[bruhstation]

Hi i love your casa tidmouth!!! I saw the ask about james pairing and wondered if there any pairing for diesel, oliver or lady? Also happy holidays!!!

thank you very much!!! ALSO HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR AHHHHHH I'M SO SO SORRY FOR ANSWERING THIS LATE.... I WANTED TO ANSWER THIS ASK AS DETAILED AS POSSIBLE SO 🙏🙏🙏

I also apologize if some parts don't really sound very shippy because I thought it'd be a good chance to showcase some bits of lore character relationships in general... ANYWAYS!!!! HAVE FUN READING

diesel:

you could say that diesel's currently not interested in anyone, at least in a romantic sense. diesel used to have a small crush on mavis but no longer did after she told him she's a lesbian. now they're just... besties? frenemies? diesel and mavis gets into trouble together, except diesel's the one who incites it (arry and bert just follows) and mavis just happens to be there. diesel gets himself into trouble because of his schemes while mavis (begrudgingly) gets him out of it, though she usually also gets the short end of the stick alongside diesel. mavis also thought that diesel is constantly up to no good, though this is mostly because mavis just wants to live a simple life with as little problems as possible (literally impossible because she lives in so-freaking-dor)

however in act 2, mavis started to feel suspicious about diesel with how he always disappears somewhere at nights. even though they're both affiliated with the dieselworks (since they both drive diesel engines), she suspected that diesel might've been getting himself involved with d10 lately and is now genuinely siding with someone threatening instead of just being mildly inconveniencing. she's now conflicted between wanting to confront diesel in order to protect the person she cares about, or avert her eyes and live in blissful ignorance.

not shippy, but worth mentioning: diesel and duck started off as great enemies at the start of the story. before the events of casa tidmouth, after thinking duck wanted to leave him for dead (he was still new to sodor and has no idea people rarely die in sodor's railways), diesel spread horrific rumours about duck's family, which triggered the start of his axe-crazy tendencies (he's incredibly desperate to make his family proud. you know the drill). neither of them expressed guilt -- they do feel it -- for their actions towards one another because of how stubborn they are. they also have really different worldviews; diesel wanted progress, while duck wanted to stick with the old ways.

their backgrounds were really similar, too. both of their families were incredibly traditional, but while duck followed them like a dog, diesel rejected them. they could've respected each other or even become friends, if only their stubborness didn't blind them. perhaps things could change in act 2...?

speaking of act 2, diesel teamed up with d10 and got pretty close to him, partly because he realized d10's power is now heavily relying on the competence of his minions (and they're really not) and partly because they both share the same worldviews about progress. he's basically his right hand man, doing all the convincing and talking while d10 is having this big internal crisis going on. you could say it's also his curiosity taking place, since he wonders what the "most menacing man in all of sodor" will do once he hits rock bottom. diesel also convinced percy to join the workers of dieselworks when he was at his lowest, saying "I know a man who would respect your ambitions."

in addition, diesel is still coming into terms with his identity because of his huge catholic guilt. this fucking guy

‎

oliver:

even though he's usually no-nonsense and avoids conflict and island mysteries at any cost, oliver has a huge soft spot for douglas. they first met around 5 years ago when oliver was lost in a forest in bumfuck nowhere, being the victim of time and space displacement alongside a young man called toad -- who barely said a word -- and having lost a lot of his memories. he lived inside his rusty engine with toad for years in solitude. after a few years had passed, he met douglas, who ended up there as well (he assumed that he's the same as him) and bonded with him over the days he was stuck there.

with douglas' presence, oliver felt much less alone. and vice versa. toad also got along with douglas, which made oliver felt relieved. oliver initially didn't have much motivation to get himself out of the situation (toad didn't express much either and only wanted to stick with oliver) and nearly gave up, but after meeting douglas and listening to his stories about missing his brother and wanting to go back home, oliver regained his motivation to keep on trying. he also set his thoughts of finding whoever's responsible aside for the sake of douglas and toad.

after the three of them were rescued by duck and donald and nursed back to health, oliver intended to take his leave, still a bit bent on finding whoever's responsible for his lost memories and broken engine. but then sir topham hatt suggested that he could work for the northwestern railways ("who knows? it could help you find what you're looking for, mr. swindon.")

the next day, douglas expressed gratitude to oliver for saving his life and accompanying him throughout the days he was lost in a forest. oliver instead shot back with a smile, "actually, douglas, you're the one who saved me. even though I still remember nothing about my past, I now remember what I was fighting for. myself, and my engine."

fun fact: you know oliver jr., oliver's tamagotchi? douglas was the one who gifted it to him. since the first generation of tamagotchis die easily if not given care 24/7, douglas went all the way to the steamworks and convinced victor (doctor, engineer, guy with at least 3 phds) to modify it and make it practically immortal. oliver received this gift extremely happily, though he sometimes wonders if something is different with his tamagotchi (douglas just said that he probably got the most special ultra rare yadda yadda version).

oliver and douglas are also one of the more "normal" pair in all of casa tidmouth (2x3x4 have communication issues thus can only pine over each other, 8x9 are... uh... murderhusbands, mavis is oblivious to lady's true identity, lady and d10 have similar twisted views on humanity, etc).

‎

lady:

even though nobody (aside from thomas and percy) knows about lady being the island's goddess, almost every single woman in casa tidmouth likes her. mavis, emily, rosie, belle, daisy, etc... they all collectively thought "haha wow weird silly woman is pretty". she's way too oblivious and thought that it's just some quirk humans have, though. HOWEVER, she's really close with mavis, who showed lady around the quarry when she first arrived in sodor. mavis also wanted to "shield" lady from all the general weirdness around sodor, assuming that she's originally from outside the island. on the other hand, lady's optimism started to make mavis relax more from her coworker diesel's antics. also mavis thinks she's kinda hahah hey girl

in act 2, after news of missing railway workers came out, mavis tried to convince lady to leave the island. she felt like lady knows a lot more than she looks, but she's not taking any risks to have the person she holds dear get involved. lady just felt really guilty, but (after going through character progression and developing more "human" emotions like happiness, guilt, melancholy, "selfish" motivations, yadda yadda) she has a feeling that if she revealed her true identity, it's not going to end smoothly.

I've also mentioned something about lady and d10 being really close in a qpp type of way had their circumstances been different. they're both people who find it really hard to connect to others; the former being a goddess with different perceptions on morality and the latter being a guy who has low empathy and a whole lot of personality disorders. here's the post explaining their relationship

[fate-magical-girls]

On the subject of the Avengers

I’ve read through some of Marvel’s Avenger’s comics, and followed a few members’ ups and downs. The inconsistency of how well characters are forgiven for their past actions makes me ponder a dark theory regarding the Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.

This pertains only to the main universe (616) comics published by Marvel Comics, not the MCU. Hot take, dark take ensues below the cut.

The Avengers, frankly, are enablers. In their attempt to understand and support their friends, they dash across the line to enabling.

When an Avenger messes up, the good and heroic thing for their teammates to do is forgive them the moment they show up with a sincere apology. And thus they’ve forgiven some otherwise unforgivable things.

Hank Pym is a former domestic abuser, While his general sanity during the incident can be argued, there is no question that he struck his wife to shut her up, and he did it with the knowledge that he can trust her to not fight back. To his credit, he hasn’t descended into domestic violence ever again after the initial incident...but he does backslide into red flag territory, especially whenever he rekindles a romance with Janet. Not to mention, up until his “death” in Rage of Ultron, he still refused to deal with his BPD responsibly.

Carol Danvers is nearly sociopathic with her ability to compartmentalize. Whereas Pym’s horrible deeds were intensely personal, Carol’s are depersonalized. She will brutalize people who are supposed to be her friends mentally and physically, all as part of her job of keeping law and order.  Afterwards, she never even recognizes the actual horror of her deeds, immediately going back to her friendly self with the very people she attacked. As of Jason Aaron’s Avengers, she doesn’t even register guilt over her actions.

Tony Stark has totalitarian leanings. His need to be accountable to himself translates into massive control freak tendencies where he keeps tight control over his technology, and eventually, organizes an effort to keep control over all Earth’s superhumans. While accountability is good, Tony allowed the Superhuman Registration Act to spiral out of control and turn into an effort to forcibly conscript and indoctrinate superhuman soldiers.

Wanda Maximoff is the superhero version of a mass shooter. In a fit of anger and grief, she opened fire on her closest friends in a rampage through Avengers mansion. While there is still her precarious mental state and manipulation by Dr. Doom to consider, she likely still comprehended that her actions during Avengers Disassembled were meant to kill the Avengers.

All of these people were unconditionally forgiven and eventually reinstated among the Avengers. No boundaries of acceptable and unacceptable behavior were ever set for them. Not much effort would be made to get the people the help they need to never do what they did again. They’re all allowed to mentor younger heroes with no caveats. More egregiously, all of them were allowed continued contacts with their victims. Everyone acts like the mistakes never happened. They’re as close and friendly as they’ve ever been, at least on the outside.

In addition to enabling, I get a sense that the Avengers forgave their friends before they were truly emotionally ready. They forgave them because it was a thing they should do, the thing expected of them as Earth’s Mightiest Heroes. But it wasn’t a thing they really wanted to do as people. There was no cooling off period so anyone could really process their pain. This performative forgiveness just leads resentments slowly building up, until it results in them exploding into sniping back and forth about past mistakes. This especially applies to the victims of the Avengers listed above. Most of the time, they aren’t allowed to be angry or resentful or hold a grudge. They’re under subtle pressure to forgive the teammates who wronged them, and most often they do, only to air their actual feelings out way down the line.

Overall, this is a tragic situation. It happens because most of the Avengers are good, heroic people who want to do the right thing. Unfortunately, they err on the side of compassion and create a situation that isn’t good for anyone.

[dangermousie]

One of the things I truly love about this series is that it understands that trauma does not magically evaporate. Warner is fucked up and he will probably always be fucked up. But trauma doesn't mean you can't be happy.

Also, it's the only series I've read that deals with all the drawbacks of being an empath. And not just because Warner, introverted, prickly, guarded Warner, is the last person who'd enjoy that power but because in general this would be a nightmare more often than not, especially since it's massive work to try to mute it and it comes in non-stop.

Seriously, I love how this thread keeps running through the series. Nobody is magically fixed, neither the world nor them, nor does Warner magically become an extravert etc. And his sense of inadequacy will not go away for probably quite a while.

I love this:

And the thing is, he is. And honestly, in a different way so is she. But they can be happy together.

Even the control freak tendency is a coping mechanism to cope with a life that for most of it has been utterly not in his control on the most basic level (hi repeated brain rinses.)

This just might be my most favorite bit in the entire series, sorry not sorry.

Honestly, that is why he is perfect for her. She wants to save and protect the world, but he only wants to save and protect her, and she needs someone like that to be at her back always, or she'd be overwhelmed or destroyed or give too much. This is 100% my favorite trope.

Lady, come the hell on. What she sees in him (in addition to the looks because she ain't blind) is the fact that while he cares little about the world, he will literally die and bleed for her and amputate his own limbs with his own teeth if it would save her a moment of pain. She has many terrifying powers but the fact that she has Warner on a leash (so to speak) is very much of them.

As I said, I love that he's forever damaged and yet the novels say he can find happiness. You do not need to be fixed to be capable of that.

[hauntedwoman]

Sorry if this is too personal. You don't have to answer if you don't want to. Whats it like being Autistic? When did you realize you were Autistic?

no it's not too personal at all !!

i guess what autism really feels like for me is just constantly feeling like im battling my brain to get the most basic stuff done. i have really bad executive dysfunction and i get crippling task paralysis all the time. like, for example, if i need to take a shower and i have no clean clothes, but someone else is washing their clothes in the laundry machine, i'll have a meltdown bc there's nothing i can do to get what i need to do done. i also have a very specific routine when it comes to showering like when and how i shower. like if i've just washed my hair and my mom asks me to help her outside with something i'll freak out bc that means i'll have to shower again (which is something i don't rly enjoy doing in the first place).

i also have several sensory issues, esp when it comes to smells and sounds. i don't like dogs bc they usually smell bad to me and they're loud. i don't like children for the same reason + the fact that they're very unpredictable. it's also rly rly hard for me to leave my house most of the time bc if i leave the house and get overstimulated i'll have a panic attack or i'll disassociate severely to cope with the overstimulation and still end up having a panic attack.

and in addition to all of that, it's also very hard for me to make friends or form meaningful relationships. personally with my autism, i have lower empathy levels. i'm not really interested in the people around me unless i'm looking for patterns in their behavior so i can assess how to interact with them. i'm not generally curious about other people and their interests and when people get rly emotional around me i tend to go non-verbal and freeze up bc i don't know how to deal with those sorts of things. i also have a tendency to hyperfixate/hyperfocus on new relationships and it's rly exhausting when that happens bc i completely abandon every other aspect of myself and my interests just to think about that person all the time.

on top of all of that, i'm also constantly masking my excitement towards certain things and masking my behaviors so that they fit into a neurotypical standard. i don't let myself get too excited when a special interest is mentioned, i tend to compose myself in a very aloof and indifferent way to combat my tendencies to act neurodivergently.

this is already getting way too long i'm sorry but i suspected that i was autistic probably when quarantine started in 2020. i knew that i already have adhd but the more i researched autism and how it presents in girls/women i realized i identified a lot with the symptoms (is that the right word ? idk.) and last september i finalyl got a professional psych eval done and i got diagnosed.

i hope that answered your question. there's probably a lot more that i have forgotten considering autism impacts every single part of my life bc the way my brain is wired is fundamentally different, but i can't think of everything right now.

[greensparty]

Talking with Peter Holmström of The Dandy Warhols

Portland, OR alt-rockers The Dandy Warhols have been letting their freak flag fly for 30 years now. Seriously! The band was formed in 1994 and have consistently been releasing one psychedelic rock album after another. To coincide with the band's thirteenth studio album Rockmaker, which drops today from Sunset Blvd. Records, they began a tour a few weeks earlier. The new album is very much a rocker and it's worth picking up. Prior to the album release, they put out the single "Danzig With Myself", one of the coolest song titles in recent memory!

In my review of the band's 2019 album Why You So Crazy, I wrote that it was "the band’s best album since 2000′s Thirteen Tales of Urban Bohemia." Happy to report the new album is the band leaning into their hard rock tendencies. When I saw the band at Royale in 2019 celebrating their 25th anniversary, they played a ton of hits and dropped balloons on the audience at the end. I wrote "This band really made me believe the dream of the 90s is still alive!" When the band returned to Royale on March 5, they didn't have the balloon theme, but they didn't miss a beat. There was a brief technical glitch, but like any professional, they kept it going. This show was super special in that they were doing some new material off the album before it was even released. They also did a ton of their standards like "We Used to be Friends", "Good Morning" (one of my favorites FYI), "Bohemian Like You" (a big soundtrack song), "The Last High" and "Not Your Bottle" (a song they hadn't done in 20 years) among others.

Through this blog I've had the chance to cover The Dandy Warhols quite a bit. In 2019, I interviewed leader Courtney Taylor-Taylor via email. In 2020 I interviewed keyboardist/bassist Zia McCabe via zoom. So the next step was my first Dandy Warhols in-person interview with guitarist Peter Holmström backstage before the Royale show. He was relaxed, cool and very generous with his time. In addition to his work with The Dandy Warhols, Peter also has the side project Peter International Airport and he has played in Rebel Drones, The Mutants, and Sun Atoms! Busy guy indeed, so I appreciate his meeting with me while he was in Boston.

Peter Holmström and me

Me: In 2020 the band released Tafelmuzik Means More When You're Alone, a 3.5 hour album! You're making a lot of musicians feel downright lazy in contrast.

PH: Honestly, that's just us being lazy because that's stuff that was recorded a while before that we had and we just felt like we needed to put something out. More for everybody else during that time.

Me: Now the band's new album Rockmaker, which drops on March 15, is a much leaner 41 minutes. Tell me about the new album?

PH: The concept was that all of the songs start with a riff essentially, which is not a new thing, but it's new for us. We mostly write songs starting with a chord change and a melody and the riffs come later. This time we decided to come up with some heavy guitar riffs and come up with some songs around that, which was a very fun exercise. I was not into it at first, the idea that it was going to be a metal record. I had no interest in that. But as soon as I figured out that it wasn't going to be metal, just heavier guitar, then I came up with plenty of riffs and we got a record made.

cover of the new album Rockmaker

Me: The Dandy Warhols have always had a lot of rock star friends, but this new album features appearances by Slash, Frank Black and Debbie Harry. What was it like working with these icons of music?

PH: Unfortunately we don't ever get to be in the studio together. But still, having Debbie Harry sing on a song I co-wrote, that's...I didn't know that was on my bucket list! That's an amazing thing that my teenage self would be freaking out over. I'm still freaking out over it. Truly amazing!

And Slash - whoever would've guessed? That's just crazy. And Frank Black is super fucking cool! Another never would've expected that. But, hey - great!

Me: It's funny you mention bucket list because my next question is: are there any musicians on your bucket list you'd like to work with?

PH: [pauses] Yeah, of course there's lots of people. With my side project [Peter International Airport] I try to work with all of those people, because they're more the people I want to work with. But with The Dandys' it's not necessarily the ones who make sense, it's more the curveball ones that we end up with. I mean Mark Knofler - that's odd. I mean, Daniel Ash is somebody I would've loved to have been a part of this record. He doesn't seem to play on other people's records.

Zia McCabe, Brent DeBoer, Courtney Taylor-Taylor and Holmström live at Royale Boston on 3/5/24

Me: In addition to The Dandy Warhols, you also have your side project Peter International Airport. Any chance they might be opening for The Dandy Warhols soon?

PH: No. I would do it, but Courtney doesn't seem to like that idea. He doesn't like any of our side projects opening up. And it would be exhausting.

Me: I do need to ask, this year marks the 20th anniversary of the documentary film Dig! about the friendship and rivalry between The Dandy Warhols and The Brian Jonestown Massacre. I know the band has had a complicated history with both the documentary and director Ondi Timoner, but what's it like for you to know that this film has amassed a cult following, just had the 20th anniversary treatment at Sundance and has brought in new fans?

PH: I try not to think about it too much, because it's not an accurate documentary. She told a story - a very captivating story - using real footage (for the most part) and we gained from it but we also suffered from it. Right when that came out that was right around the time the press wanted to turn against us anyway and we got just terrible reviews of our record that had nothing to do with the record. It was all about their view of who we were from the movie. Like big ones, Rolling Stone and Spin. Just horrible reviews. And then Anton [Newcombe of Brian Jonestown Massacre] got people showing up at shows and just yelling at him to get him to freak out for years. And finally it's come back around so it's about the music. So yeah, it's a weird one. Zia wanted to take part in the 20th anniversary screening at Sundance but none of the rest of us did.

The Dandy Warhols live at Royale Boston

Me: Favorite album of The Dandy Warhols?

PH: It's a bit of a cliche but it's probably always going to be Thirteen Tales of Urban Bohemia. Just because pre-Thirteen Tales there was an innocence that got changed as soon as we had an actual hit. Then everything changed after that, including the way we recorded because that's when digital recording kind of took over. It stopped being about writing songs, then learning them, then going into the studio. It became more about building songs in the studio. There's nothing wrong with that it's just different. Because of that, there's an innocence to the magic thing that happened that we'll never go back to.

For info on The Dandy Warhols

[theohonohan]

Automobility Testimony

I’ve been learning to drive again over the past few months, having given it up immediately after passing my test at the Barking test centre in 2005 (it’s a long story).

My instructor in London was a black evangelical Christian called Emeka. He was a really good instructor. Apart from anything else, he never reacted with shock when I did something wrong. This mattered a lot to me, because I’m pretty sensitive to being perceived as unreliable. I try to be deliberate and scrupulous about everything I do. I mean scrupulous in the strict sense of “very concerned to avoid doing wrong”. When learning to drive, the student is obviously objectively incompetent, so it’s impossible to avoid errors, and there isn’t time to carefully deliberate over every decision. So it is important to have an understanding instructor.

The one or two few driving lessons that I took in Dublin, previously, made me feel like a neurominority. Maybe I am, to a degree. It's a problem because the goal when driving is, as Emeka put it, to be part of the traffic, to conform. So I found it really difficult when a other instructor reacted to an error as if it was an affront, and looked at me as if I had two heads. I felt like this was a judgement that I was unsuited to being a driver. In fact, with Emeka’s tuition, I easily passed the test first time, and I have never had an accident on the roads, either in a car or on a bike.

The definition of a neurominority is essentially someone who has an atypical “spiky profile” of cognitive strengths and weaknesses. So a driving instructor who is used to “normal” students may find a neurominority’s performance a bit perplexing—there will be unexpected errors and rough edges, along with above average performance in other parts of the task.

Neurominority is, in my opinion, a good word to use, in this particular context, because the driving instructor is used to teaching the “neuromajority”, and that experience conditions their expectations. The instructor tries to categorise the student based on how previous students have performed. In the case of a neurominority, the student’s performance won’t conform to the instructor’s expectations. For example, a student that seems like the dull and competent type may turn out to have unpredictable behaviours and eccentricities. The last thing an instructor should do in this situation is dismiss the student as a some kind of intractable can of worms.

Driving instructors, in general, are a male-dominated group, and driving as an activity is part of a consumerist car culture, symbolising “speed, security, safety, sexual desire, career success, freedom, family, masculinity” (John Urry, “The ‘System’ of Automobility”). In addition to this normative culture, homophobia is not uncommon among driving instructors, and it makes life particularly difficult for LGBT people who need to learn to drive: see this Daily Mail article, and another from the Toronto Star.

It tends to be, generalising unfairly, a bit of a caveman demographic, and other forms of intolerance and discrimination are to be expected. Teaching someone to drive can be classed as an “intimate service”. It involves sitting with the student in a car for tens of hours, so some level of rapport is necessary. This, among other factors, means that for minorities of all kinds, negotiating the process of learning to drive is tricky. This is reflected in the statistics for test passes.

I believe (with support from Hofstede) that the masculine consumerist tendency is particularly marked in Ireland. Driving is a man’s world, and car culture reflects an emphasis on success and competition. 

A neurominority learning to drive may be quite out of step with this culture, and may have to deal with being othered by their instructor, along with being treated as an inexplicable and unpredictable freak, someone whose superficially acceptable driving skills continue to harbour the potential for “nasty surprises” (to evoke the most problematic framing of the situation). 

What’s missing in this perspective is an appreciation of the fact that these students are coming from a different place, cognitively speaking, and will learn differently. It should be assumed that they can still achieve the standard needed for safe driving. They will perhaps need more careful and prolonged teaching (relative to the typical student) to build solid skills and iron out all rough spots.

[ramrodd]

Calvinism (Introduction to John Calvin's Reformed Theology)

COMMENTARY”

The US military has a huge problem, currently, with the Calvinism of the Pro-Life Evangelical chaplains that have come to dominate the military community. The TULIP doctrine is grounded entirely on the Total Depravity of Eve without mitigation of the cross which is a primary contributor of the sexual assault in the military and the rate of suicide among Navy women, in particular, and combat veterans generally. Kurt Cobain was a canary in the coal mine of youthful suicide driven by Calvinism.

in addition, the Calvinism of the Salvation Gospel of Campus Crusade for Christ has been politically aligned with what has become the January 6 agenda since Bill Bright founded it. The USAF has a particularly grim problem with their academy located in the heard of Jesus Freak country in Colorado Springs. Among other things, the only women available for dating by the cadets are all Pro-Life Evangelicals.

Just for the record, Hegel was a Lutheran who rejected Calvinism specifically because it rejected the freedom of the spirit central to the Phenomenology of the Spirit. The US military is Hegelian in aspect and, just for the record, the injection of Calvinism into the military community violates Calvin's own model of the separation of church and state. Calvinism is deliberately insurgent and was the proximate cause of the English Civil War, which is why George Washington and his staff were deists and, as Church of England, abhorred the religious "enthusiasm" of the Calvinist Pentecostal tendencies.

Just for the record, the Presbyterian Church is the single most   institution of structural racism in America, going back to Woodrow Wilson, George Gilder's "Wealth and Poverty", a Supply Side manifesto, was marketed specifically to exploit the white supremacist DNA of the Presbyterian concept of Christian stewardship, in that "Wealth"  represents the righteousness of WASPs while "Poverty" is associated with black folks. It's that simple. Calvin's logic is an example of Garbage In, Garbage Out.

[prequelappreciation]

I feel like this is a really unpopular opinion (and feel absolutely free to disagree with me) but I don't think film!Anakin and TCW!Anakin are as different from each other as people seem to think. I think The Clone Wars just enhanced certain parts of his character that we previously hadn't been able to see in full.

He's impulsive, spontaneous, and sometimes extremely reckless. Although, you could argue that other Jedi saying this about him in the films is based off their own morality of how a Jedi should act but he still shows those characteristics occasionally. Those qualities were enhanced in the series. Of course, those are not inherently negative qualities. Being impulsive or spontaneous can be really useful in certain situations and I'm sure it's a blessing and a curse on a battlefield. This is most evident when he rushes Dooku only to result in being electrocuted in AOTC.

Going off that, he has trouble with the concept patience. As Obi-Wan says in ROTS, he's "always on the move."

He turns battles into games and this is probably more of a coping mechanism then anything else. This is most evident in the ROTS novelization when, during the opening space battle, Anakin tries to turn it into a sort of chase before Obi-Wan asks him to stop. In the film, Anakin and Obi-Wan also display what seem to be multiple inside jokes.

He also gets adrenaline rushes from battles as I'm sure many of the Jedi and clones probably do. Though he seems to get it mostly when he's flying. You can see this during the Coruscant chase in AOTC and the opening battle of ROTS.

He's a hotshot pilot but consistently proves to be very good at it and loves flying in general.

He can struggle with egotistical behavior and thinking he's better than everyone else and feels that he deserves more or should be farther along as a result. In addition to that, he also feels that he will never be good enough no matter what he does and most of that is due to the Jedi Council not trusting him no matter how many times he proves himself.

There are inklings of a struggle with jealousy in ROTS but most of it can be found in the novelization.

He has a deep fear of losing those he cares about or has grown attached to.

Anakin and Obi-Wan don't seem to agree on the way things should go a lot. Anakin's all action, Obi-Wan's all planning and sticking to said-plan but there's a mutual respect and history there.

He acts on his emotions a lot and sometimes has trouble controlling them.

Are they different interpretations of the same character? Yeah. Do I think Anakin's character writing in TCW was perfect? No. I think they missed out on a lot of potential emotional depth. Just like how I think they completely missed the opportunity to play around with Obi-Wan's obvious anxiety/control freak tendencies from the films or how I would have loved to have seen reasons why Anakin and Padme's relationship worked as opposed to constantly focusing on why it didn't or how I wish they'd gone into more depth regarding Anakin's prophetic dreams...etc.

Anyway lol as I said, I don't think they're that different from each other.