#in a way you could argue that the illusion is MORE beautiful because it's how gale sees the stars. his idealized version of nighttime

[perenians]

something something gale's starry skies are no less beautiful for being illusionary...

[the-moon-devi]

WEBB Persona Chart: Notes

MIDHEAVEN // ASCENDANT at 2°, 7°, 14°, 19°, 26° or Libra/ Taurus can indicate gaining attention online for your beauty/fashion /creative endeavors.

GEMINI ASCENDANT in Webb PC is typically good in my opinion due to gemini being ruled by mercury. Mercury rules over communication, and technology. I've seen this in the pc of those who have a online presence! Geminis can also be very entertaining and creative so I think this also plays into the fact of why this can be a good indication of internet fame. Gemini is also represents the messenger, so typical geminis always have something to say!

EX: Rihanna has Gemini Ascendant at 19°, shows she's very active online, and this is due to her beauty line, and of course to communicate information regarding her business. Also shows her being talked about a lot in the media, and being seen as beautiful , with Her asc ruler (mercury) heavily venusian influenced, it sits in libra 5th house so this also shows fashion, and also creativity/fame etc! Her Mercury is also at 26°! 🤭

MARS IN 1H can manifest in two ways; You could either be seen as a sex symbol online, Or attract alot of animosity and feel the need to defend yourself constantly. This can also be seen as someone who is constantly arguing online.

EX: Kim Kardashian

Neptune 1H // ASPECTING ASC can show having this glamorous and dreamy presence online. From what I've seen this can really make a Star, and someone who influences others. This placement screams stardom to me, if you have this placement and your not famous online and not want to be then this could just manifest as you literally being nonexistent online, Or if your spiritual then this can show fame for your metaphysical talents! Neptune also rules illusions of course, so this may also show appearing one way online and being completely different in public. People with this placement always have very beautiful posts, and just give off the vibe of being whatever they want to be! May even benefit from manifesting fame online!

VENUS 10H shows you will definitely be seen as beautiful or even setting fashion trends (especially if you have aqaurian influence hitting your venus) Your online presence is heavily influence by your physical and fashion. This could even manifest as art, music, etc.

VENUS IN 3H can be similar to VENUS IN 10H, I say this because 3rd house is skills, communications, conversing with the outside, and social media. The only difference is these people may be noticed for their actual skills instead of VENUS IN 10H is just noticed because of their presence. VENUS IN 3H shows this could be your voice as in singing, and people also talk about how beautiful you are as well. I feel this can make a very popular person. And of course your voice and Intellect.

EX: Rihanna & Beyoncé

FAMA 1H/ LEO can show definite fame online for your talents. Whatever sign it's in can show what kind of talents this may be. I know this girl on YouTube (Nadirah Ali) who has Fama 1h Libra, and she's a model, her shoots are gorgeous!

LIBRA ASC // JUNO ☌ ASC / / JUNO 1H can show your spouse may be involved with your presence online, Libra can manifest different from time to time because it's also creativity, but in some way love or partnership will be involved. If you have Libra Ascendant paired with juno ☌ asc or 1h then this is even more emphasized.

EX: Beyoncé Juno 1H

VENUS ☌ WEBB (3041) online attention for creativity/ visual arts/ beauty. The sign/house these two are in can show how this energy may manifest.

FOR EXAMPLE: Venus ☌ Webb in Cancer 10h can indicate being seen as very nurturing and feminine online, you being a mother could be a big part of your reputation online. You may do a lot of wholesome, and comforting art. Maybe even cooking or home decor.

Venus ☌ Webb in Leo 9h can indicate traveling, and online you are very outgoing. You may seem foreign, and adventurous to outsiders. You could even become famous in foreign lands. You may be very open about your religion/beliefs online as well. You could be the type to go all out for the holidays, and post about this online.

Beyoncé has Venus at 8° ☌ Webb at 17° in Aquarius 3h, so this for one shows how she has really changed the internet game, and has a big influence with her aqaurius influence and also this number 8 energy which also represents change and of course 17 is a longevity degree. So she has a long lasting impact on the internet with her voice, and can feel like whatever she say goes. (I think this is also attributed to the fact she has Pluto in 11h, 11h/Aqaurius rules the masses/ global impacts.) This also shows her beautiful voice/ music!

MIDHEAVEN IN PISCES// AT 12°, 24° gives star qaulity again, this alone won't necessarily indicate your absolutely going to be a star but if you have any other fame indicators then this is a nice add on to have. Midheaven in pisces will most likely be seen as having a other worldly presence online, and truly beautiful!

EX: Rihanna Pisces Midheaven

MERCURY AT 5°,17°,29° shows recignition for your voice. This could be singing or even you just being funny, and making others laugh! Also teaching others.

SUN 7H // VENUS 7H adding onto what I said above about juno/Libra. This can also show that marriage/ relationships and your connection to others whether that be platonic or romantic, may impact your reputation online, and partners will be involved.

LILITH 1H may be outcasted, or feel like the bad guy when they get on the internet. Can result in someone who gets dissed alot online or rebels against the web in some way. This can also show jealousy, and having a big sex appeal.

PLUTO 1H obsession, stalkers, and jealousy. If you have this placement expect to be seen as someone whom is mysterious, and kind of intimidating. You could change something online or even be seen as someone who attracts a lot of people to them. You have a special affect on people online, and could either be hated or loved. You could also talk about taboo things online, and your online presence may go up & down. Also a sex appeal indicator.

MOON 1H seen as someone who cares, and the mother online. A lot of people probably come to you with their problems. May be the type to post a lot about motherhood, and feminine energies. May be seen as intuitive online, More prone to talk about spiritual things.

NORTH NODE 10H the internet is meant to impact your career/reputation. May be known for having a online presence. Most likely will be very influential.

EXACILBUR (9499) 1H // ASPECTING MC, ASC indicates having a HUGE impact online. Excalibur means being chosen, and having a path that can't be taken from you. So you'll see these natives appearing powerful, and having a breakthrough online!

1H LORD IN 5H shows going viral, you could be super young, and have a huge influence on the youth. More than likely you will be showing your creative talents online!

EX: When I tell ya'll.... I just had a feeling that Ice Spice had this placement..... And I was right. 😌 She definitely has become a trend through her mannerisms, and music etc lol, and she's definitely influenced the younger generation.

1H LORD IN 2H indicates you attract alot of abundance to you online. You could benefit from having a online business or making money online. This may even be a indication of a online shopper. The internet determines your finances.

1H LORD IN 9H shows learning online, and touching the hearts of foreigners. You may find a lot of luck, and knowledge online. This is a great indication of having a big audience, and people probably watch you online to learn from you! People most likely see you as spiritual, and wise.

1H LORD IN 8H are usually the ones who talk about esoteric topics online. They are seen as very powerful, and someone who changes the minds of others. Usually will have a huge impact on others, and can be seen as someone to be feared. They can attract a lot of hate and rumors regarding their personality, and what they stand for. If not popular online you will most likely be seen as secretive, and private. People may be obsessed with you, and see you as attractive.

EX: I know someone who has this placement, but I'm not going to say their name lol. I just want to point out how powerful their placement is, and how much of their presence enlightenented alot of people online. They are a mercurial ruled rising, mercury sits in the 8th house conjunct their North Node and Jupiter (in 8th). Their purpose was to spread enlightement and knowledge (jupiter). Their voice (mercury) was meant to be heard. Their mercury & Jupiter sits at 11° and Mercury at 9° in Aries. Not to mention they are very blunt, and have a very powerful way of speaking and asserting themselves. I'll give yall a hint but they were a black man. Fox News released an article that, they are a "Violent Cult Leader" (very plutonian but , in his defense it wasn't a "cult") Iykyk.

PLUTO 1H, SCORPIO ASC, 1H LORD IN 8H, adding onto what I said in the previous observation ⤴. I've noticed all of these placements in some way attract jealousy, hate, rumors for what they do. It may not always be as intense but they hold a lot of power and influence. People want to watch them, and they have the ability to uncover a lot of hidden truths, and taboo secrets. Pluto in the 11h can even give this vibe too, but they are even more so having a huge effect on the masses. They can change and bring back trends if they wanted to. They can change their interests regarding what they consume online too. Pluto in 10h has the ability to reinvent their public persona, this is very similar to pluto 1h as well!

10H LORD IN 12H your presence online may be hidden or spiritual. You can be seen as someone who has a healing presence.

MIDHEAVEN AT FAME DEGREES (5°,17°,29°) definitely will be famous online. 5° may manifest as going viral for a short period of time, while 17° and 29° will manifest in long term fame, and impact.

10H LORD IN 8H your online presence may include divination, spirituality, and sexual/taboo topics. You will be seen as mysterious, and powerful. (Definitely should have included this with the ♇ observations above ⤴ lol)

VARUNA ASPECTING SUN, ASC, MC OR IN 1H/10H/11H can show worldwide recignition, may attract a lot of praise especially if it's sun or 11h/10h just because sun is literally where we shine, and talents. 11h is goals, and accomplishments, while 10h is literally achievements.

STELLIUMS IN HOUSES/ 2 OR MORE PLANETS IN A HOUSE can show certains aspects of where your presence online will gain a lot of attention, maybe even what your known for doing. Signs can show the energy of this!

1H STELLIUM emphasis on you, your entire being probably will attract a lot of attention. You may be very bold

3H STELLIUM emphasis on your mind, and speech.

4H STELLIUM emphasis regarding your family, and upbringing.

5H STELLIUM emphasis on your talents, and your talents. Could be children, and creativity maybe even love flings.

8H STELLIUM emphasis on your power, your enemies. What you hide, and sex life. Also people may see you as very powerful, and somewhat mysterious.

GLO (3267) IN 1H shows you have a qaulity about you that shines. You have a luminous glo to you. This can be great for fame!

STARR (4150) IN 1H indicates becoming a star online, you are someone who is looked up to. Also great for fame.

<< WEBB (3041), GLO (3267), STARR (4150), FAMA (408) >>

𝕯𝖎𝖛𝖎𝖓𝖊 𝕯𝖊'𝕷𝖚𝖝𝖊

ℭ𝔥��𝔠𝔨 𝔗𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔒𝔲𝔱!

©𝓟𝓻𝓮𝓽𝓽𝔂 𝓒𝓪𝓻𝓪𝓶𝓮𝓵

[sevi007]

@fortythealien

Oh that one was fantastic. Let me put that under read more because of spoilers AND it got long:

I mean, the "reveal" of the illusion really hit me like a slap to the face. This was both extremely beautiful as well as cruel, and it hits you all at once that this might ACTUALLY work on one, or both, of them.

Because, I very much doubt that it was Grausam who thought out the details of this particular illusion. As we learned very indepth by now, demons cannot understand human emotions. I don't see how Grausam could look into Himmel and / or Frieren and understand that this - a wedding - could be a good way to trick them.

So, imo, Grausam's ability rather reaches into the subconsciousness of the victim and draws out what the victim itself secretly wishes for, and then paints that world for them. For this, Grausam does not have to understand emotions or relationships - he lets the victims create their own illusions.

Meaning, this is something Himmel or Frieren or both wanted, deep down.

There was actually a moment where I was worried they would fall for it and maybe Heiter will have to wake them but of course I underestimated them:

Like, how. How are you HUMAN Himmel. Grausam himself stated that there is no way to tell the illusion from reality, but Himmel just goes and does it anyway. I feel like Heiter when his friend keeps going above and beyone here.

But still, look at his face before he stops Frieren. There is this hint of sadness again - we have seen that one before,for example in the flashback with the mirror lotus ring. I think it's the face he makes when he really briefly gets close to having this with Frieren - a life, love, relationship, whatever you want to call it - before he catches himself again because he knows it's not quite possible. He lets this illusion play out for just one beat longer before going back to the matter at hand.

Also, how gently he stops her nearly made me cry. No grabbing her, no holding her at arm's length, and he does not even ask if she realizes this is not real. His trust in her is implicit! He knows she knows, and will get them out somehow.

Also also, Frieren was into this too, you can't tell me otherwise. This was a trap for both of them, and it WORKED on both of them for a beat.

And to really put emphasis on how impossible it should be for Himmel to see through this all, Frieren confirms this once again:

(But in a way, maybe this shouldn't surprise us. It is a great callback to the illusion the beast "Einsam" created early on in the story, where Himmel appears in front of Frieren. Frieren recalls that before meeting Himmel, Flamme had appeared to her instead, and THAT apparation had begged for mercy / help. Himmel's apparation, though? Told her to "shoot me, Frieren". Not even an illusion OF Himmel was going to hurt Frieren, Himmel INSIDE an illusion obviously can break free.)

And when I said before that Himmel's trust in Frieren is implicit, I would like to point out that this goes both ways:

I mean, look at this stuff. Not only does Frieren not even TRY to break out of Grausam's spell (she knows she can't) but she instead trusts Himmel to fight despite it. She is entirely helpless in this situation, but instead of fighting or panicking (which, fair, is not her usual behavior) she instead asks exactly one question, and then quite literally puts her life in his hands. She gives no orders, no pointers, she just says "you can move right? Then move (like you always do)".

This trust, man. This (literally, hah) blind trust just gets me.

Also. When I say I forget that Himmel and party are terrifying, THIS is what I mean:

Himmel never woke up. He is still inside the illusion, eyes closed, and fighting a Great Demon (one and a half, since Solitär is giving half-assed support) blindly right then and there. Not only that, but he is putting Grausam on the backfoot even.

Now, of course, Grausam's illusion magic is probably what he relies on the most, so you could argue that he is not much of a fighter otherwise. But I don't think one becomes a Great Demon without some serious skills beyond one spell, especially considering that such an illusion which relies on the victim being intrigued by it probably does not work well on demons without feelings. To be acknowledged by his kin, he has to have SOME fighting skills beyond that of a normal demon. So this is still a seriously cool (and terrifying) feat right there!

(Also, even eyes closed, Himmel is protecting his friends - look how he destroys Solitär's sword as it goes for Frieren!)

See, now you made me teary-eyed again guys. Himmel even acknowledges - in front of Frieren! - that this was an "euphoric dream" for him. He wants / wanted this, with her. He never pushed for it, maybe because he knew it was not what Frieren wanted, or because of their differing lifespans, or whatever, but he wanted this so badly, it even pops up in Grausam's illusion. He should have fallen for this. That he did not is a testament to his skill, iron will, and his trust in and how well he knows Frieren.

Also, Frieren is really just imprinting this moment into her memory before going.

And:

The one thing Solitär - who is a master at manipulation with words, as Frieren has acknowledged - has to threaten Himmel is not "I will kill you", but instead "I will destroy Frieren's future". That's far more likely to get Himmel to let them go than anything else.

All in alll, after hitting you with such an outburst: I think this is the very best take of "protags get put under an illusion spell" I have ever seen. Once again, this manga does very well in subverting the classical tropes, because here, there is only a minimal moment of doubt, the protagnosits don't fall for it nor do they despair over being trapped, and they don't need a push from inside or outside the illusion to break free. They know basically from the start what is going on, and I quite like that they don't really break out before the fight can resume, but really just keep fighting while still being under the spell. It was a fantastic way of showing several things at once in a short span of time like:

* once more affirming Himmel's feeling for Frieren, and vice versa

* The utter trust they have in each other in this party but especially these two have in each other * How competent and strong Himmel and Co actually are

Easy to say, I was an emotional wreck after this because it was beautiful but also so painful to know they never really had this. Where's that Sein pic going "when will they get together already?!" because I need it.

Bonus in case you also need to cry a little:

Fifty years have changed absolutely NOTHING about their trust and love for each other. Okay Peace out.

[lawyer-of-louis-de-lioncourt]

Fans of IWTV that are problems

People who want to put the blame on one character.

Like sir. Uhm. How do I say this? In a way that can penetrate your mind?

They. Are. All. Horrible. People.

But they are also: All Beautiful People With Love All Consuming.

Both can be true. Because IWTV is the extreme reflection of life and people.

There is this comment on a fan edit on YT that was literally posted a day ago that I found.

I think we've established Louis is the problem. He is the common denominator in all these toxic relationships. Even his and Claudia's was an unhealthy mess. [Image]

And before I go on, on why this sh*t brings the movement down and I don't and won't tolerate I just want to bash the thinking of this person.

Let me ask you, reader and watcher, if a person in an abusive relationship lands in another abusive relationship are they the problem? Are they seeking to be abused yet again? Do you think they like it? Do you think Louis du Point du Lac went into loving Lestat because Lestat showed anger issues? Insecurities? No. He saw the best in him. He still fucking does. He loves the guy despite his problems. Do you think Louis fell for Armand because he was a gaslighter? A liar? A betrayer and clear child killer? No. He fell for Armand's ability to be soft to be gentle. He fell for his understanding. His clear care and focus on what he wants. His endurance.

"Louis is the problem." The problem here is that there are lies and manipulation from all characters. Louis is a lost soul who is more impulsive than the rest of the characters. He goes through life always seeking, seeking, seeking not really knowing what he is looking for. He also has fucking depression and some deep self-resentment.

But to say he is a problem because he is a victim (and he is because even though he has his strengths in the events between the Big Lestat Drop and The Trial he has been most hurt from both events more than Lestat and Armand (if we don't count Claudia because she was the MOST VICTIM OF ALL OF THEM DURING THAT ERAS)) is disgusting. It's victim blaming. To say he is a common denominator of abuse is stupid. He is the common denominator BECAUSE he attracts powerful love interests who are unhinged.

There is a huge power imbalance between Louis and Lestat. That was unknown. A power imbalance between Louis and Armand that was known but put aside because Armand gave the illusion that he was giving Louis the reigns.

To say Louis is the problem is blaming a wife being beaten, divorcing her husband and then getting in a relationship where she is beaten again. Clearly she's asking for it. (That's how this post sounds like) And. I. Will. Not. Tolerate. It.

Okay. Now that is put aside.

Like I said before.

These vampires are broken. One could argue being beyong repair.

The purpose of the books is to show monsters in love. Monsters who act on humanity but still take it too far.

There's a whole quote that says something about Lestat loving first and how passionate he is but in that love the only way he can show it is through violence. To break it.

We see Armand who is so loving and so f*cking patient. So eager to be loved. So eager to not be alone. Because he has been so alone all these years and then he meets Louis. Louis with a daughter. Louis with a burning, eager heart to be free this time around. Louis who represents everything Armand desires. To be free of all chains. And in wanting Louis he loves only him. Sees Claudia as chain too. Because Louis broke free of Lestat. Because Claudia, to Armand, is an extension of Lestat. Louis' capturer, maker, abuser.

He loves so much that he sees this as right. To get Louis all to himself. He wants this so badly. He even says it. "I want you more than anything in the world."

Words with weight. Words he meant. Words he carried through. He loves wholly. Obsessively. He loves solely.

And then Louis. Sweet Saint Louis. A father, a brother, a man who cannot exist or see himself outside of others. He is father, brother, lover, companion, son before he is Louis. This man who cannot exist outside others. This man who because of his spiraling self-hate drags others so he can stop the self- punishment. To get a reprieve. To put this love onto others because he can only love himself by loving and caring about others.

Who cannot love himself. Who drags the body of a stranger's daughter to beg for one himself. Who self sabotages and then tries to fix it. Who loved someone who hurt him because he can't let it go. Who thought he could love a man with burdens and control that was spiraling. A man who he knew felt the loneliness he had too. Louis who begs, demands and pleads and manipulates to get this fix of love. To put it somewhere. Even if it destroys the person he loves. (Paul, Claudia, Lestat and Armand) Just a little bit. Who loves then bites the hand that feeds him. Who loves so much. So much. He gets lost in it. Then drowns. Drowns in his failures. And drags others into it.

(Lestat: You drag me into your gloom. Armand: Will I be on suicide watch for the next 1000 years?)

And it's true to sense. He can't preserve his happiness. And sometimes he goes out of his way to not. Destroys it. (The killing of Lestat. The harsh words in 1970s to Armand) Because he doesn't deserve it.

This is all what it comes to:

They are humans stuck to live forever with these woes and problems and nowhere to put it. No where to put their trauma. So they make it themselves and then try to love with these jagged pieces.

They are fleshed out and more real than any character out there.

They are real. In their monstrosity. In their humanity.

They are horrible, they are beautiful, they are guilty, they are innocent. All of this. All true. All at the same time.

"I could not prevent it."

"...Was a band aid for shitty marriage?"

"This fascinating boy."

"I HEARD YOUR HEARTS DANCING?"

"Let me go."

"I love you with all of myself."

"Come to me."

"But she didn't love you. Not like he did, not like I have."

"I hate you."

"I know, I know. She's calling me."

"You and me. Me and you. You and me. Me and you."

"PICKED ANOTHER ONE OVER ME!"

"He's...a lot."

"I love you too baby brother."

"I'm not asking Arun."

"Am I all I have endured?"

"THE NAME! UNUTTERED in our home for 23 YEARS!"

"Could you imagine me? Without the burden of her?"

"I want you more than anything in the world."

"She called me an angel. Me!"

"Saint Louis."

"Are your companions?" "Yes." "No."

"I had a hunch."

"He forgave me."

"Why do I owe you my one act of cowardice?"

"Armand preserves my happiness..."

"Claudia is my coven."

"It was never about me."

"Tell her she's beautiful every morning."

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[ladyzayismultifandom]

King of Second Chances

DomesticAvengers!Loki x Reader

Genre/Rating: tooth-rotting fluff with best friends to lovers

Description: Contrary to popular belief, Loki does have friends... just not on Asgard. Or Midgard. Except one.

After the battle of New York, Frigga managed to convince Odin one last time to have mercy on his adoptive son Loki who recently found that out in his defense but in no way can explain his revenge hostile attempted takeover of Midgard aka Earth. Odin decided that if some time on Earth managed to teach Thor the lesson he needed to learn to be worthy of the hammer, then Earth should be able to do the same for Loki.

So until he proves that he's not the evil ego-maniac that's co-dependent on the lie his father told him about being destined for greatness when he was a peace offer child, Loki is to stay on Earth.

Specifically in Avengers Tower under close surveillance.

None of the team especially Clint and Natasha wanted him there but they couldn't trust him living on his own with some of his magic still intact. So down the hall from Thor's room soon became Loki's room and they all lived happily ever after. Sort of

"Loki did you eat my Poptarts?"

"And why would I eat those disgusting sugar-coated sandwiches?'

"Because you know I like them?"

"Out" Thor suddenly falls through a hole Loki created sending him back to his room.

Loki looked up at the vents to make sure Clint wasn't in them before relaxing back in his bed with the book before he was once again interrupted by a knock on his door. He rolls his eyes begrudgingly before swinging the door open with a wave of his hand.

"Hey, Loki..."

"Yes, Y/N," Loki says not caring to lift his head away from his book.

"Can I hide my pop tarts in here? Thor keeps eating them."

"And why would I do that?"

"Because I know you don't like them so Thor won't look for them here." Unable to argue with that, Loki shrugged.

"Very well. Hide them here"

"Yes!" you jumped onto his bed and hugged him tightly to you shocking the magical entity to his core.

"Thank you, Loki," you shock him again by giving him a light kiss on the cheek.

".... You're welcome"

This was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Two years has gone by since then and while Loki is still not welcome back in Asgard he has regained almost all of his magical abilities, has been caught trying to go back twice, and with Frigga's help made his room in Avengers tower look almost identical to his chambers in the palace. One would say that he's gotten comfortable on Earth.

Loki still hides your Pop-Tarts in his room and several other things you don't want the team to see despite your room being one floor below his. The only ones who dare go in his room are you and sometimes Thor but he uses an illusion spell to make your stuff look like his so there is no suspense. You could have asked him to do that for your room but having some of your things in his room gives you the excuse to see him and everybody knows that. Except Loki of course.

After another successful mission with Natasha and her sister that she never mentioned until now you were back in Avengers Tower and you couldn't wait to tell your bestie all about it.

"LOKI!!!!" You burst through his door to find a towel around his waist and hair. His chest still had some water dripping down to a place that you didn't realize you'd want to see until now. Shit you're staring

"Um, I'll come back" You quickly closed the door and headed straight to the elevator. If anyone saw how you repeatedly pushed the close doors button they'd think you insane. You quickly went into your own room and let out the breath you had been holding only to open your eyes to-

"You know you were much cuter when you were afraid to knock on my door." You jumped holding your hand to your chest wishing your heart could just calm down but the man you just ran away from clearly transported to your room.

"I see you gained more of your magic back."

"One of my favorite tricks." Loki held up a bag of sweets. He patted the spot next to him on your bed and it was like you never left. You happily jumped into his arms. Let the celebration begin.

“So Agent Romanoff wasn’t alone before Barton came around. Interesting. Hit me” He opened his mouth and you gave him another caramel candy. Something you like to do when debriefing your missions with him is to eat sweets and comb his hair. He’ll never admit it but hearing your voice with your hands massaging his scalp made him feel like a King.

“I know right?! I can’t believe she’s been hiding that from us this whole time. I thought we’d run out of secrets in Avengers Tower by now. What about you?”

“Mm that feels nice” he whispered to himself not paying attention. You took a curl of his and wrapped it around your finger before yanking harder than usual.

“Ow!” He looked up at you

“Now that I have your attention what did you do while I was gone?” You held up your brush threateningly at him. Chuckling he laid his head back down in your lap closing his eyes without any sign of fear.

“I read, painted, slept, squabbled with my oaf of a brother, the usual.”

“Do you ever think the two of you will be as close as you were back then?”

“I’m not sure. I did try to kill him after all but he does try. I’ll give him that.”

“You tried to kill me too” You mumbled

“You’re different.”

“How different?” You continue brushing his hair slowly. Like a cat he purrs.

“You are… kind in a way that’s admirable and naive yet you hunt people for a living. It’s confusing.” You gently take his head in your hands staring right into his emerald green eyes.

“Are you saying I should consider a new career path?”

“I’m saying you are the most dangerous being in the nine realms.” He whispered.

“And your best friend” You whispered back coming a little closer.

“My only friend” The two of you smile at each other.

“Jarvis please tell me you got that” The two of you sat up quickly embarrassed that you’d been caught by Tony in what would look like two lovers staring into each others eyes even though you were nothing more than friends. Right? Without a thought you chased Tony all around the tower with your brush desperately trying to get that footage of the two of you.

Unsure of when it started Loki realized that the beautiful friendship that once was had blossomed into something else entirely. He was bound to mess it up but he knew you’d give him a second chance. He is the king of those after all and you are worth all the chances he can get.

A/N: Happy Loki day! I was supposed to post this the other day but I didn’t know what I wanted to write yet. Thanks for your patience. There’s more to come!

[carpisuns]

the most hurtful thing about the rise of AI art, to me, is that the importance of lived human experience is up for debate.

you could say a lot about the ethical implications of it all and how it negatively impacts actual artists—how their work is being stolen and fed to bots without their permission, how they are losing ownership of their own artistic expression, how they're are losing their jobs because AI can "replace" them. but people will always find a way to talk their way around it. "if they didn't want people to use their art, they shouldn't be posting it online." "you can't own an artistic style." "the generated art piece is not actually their art. it's not stealing." and the real clincher: "i don't know what to tell you. that's just progress."

i feel like so many people see this issue through the lens of charlie bucket's dad getting fired from the toothpaste factory because a machine could place a cap on the tube more efficiently. but making art is not the same as screwing a cap onto a tube of toothpaste. it's emotional. it's meaningful. it's expressive. the end result is informed by the experiences and choices of the creator. and the viewer's experience is different knowing that a human is behind those choices—that there was real choice involved at all.

you could argue that AI art retains the inherent humanity of art, because it uses samples of real art made by real people—a whole collective pool of representative humanity. but it's not really the same. it's just an echo. an illusion. a mimic of life without the spark that actually makes it alive.

when i look at art, i want to think about the human behind it. i want to feel connected to them. i want to ponder their choices and notice their details and appreciate their skills. i want to look at it and feel something, because the artist felt something when they made it.

sometimes i see a cool piece of art and get excited. but when i realize it's AI, the emotion is gone. "what's the difference?" someone might ask. "if you liked it before, why don't you like it knowing it's AI? the image didn't change. it's still the same." and sure, visually it's the same. but emotionally it's not. i can't make a connection with it anymore. because there was no real intention behind it. i can't search for meaning in it, because there is none. when i look at AI art, even visually impressive art, i feel nothing. there's no wonder. there's no connection. the only possible feeling for me is, "wow, technology has come so far! neat."

it doesn't even have the appeal of "art" created by nature, like the Grand Canyon or the ocean or the night sky. those create a sense of wonder because there was no human involvement at all. the beauty came from the universe itself, and it feels like a gift from nothing and everything at once, and it's that beauty that so often inspires humans to make something in its likeness.

but AI art feels like a weird in-between of the art made with no hands and the art made with human hands. like pseudo-clay molded with empty gloves. it's sort of uncanny valley–ish. something almost human but not quite, so it always feels a little off. with human-made art, mistakes are understandable, expected, even endearing—a reminder that a person made this, and people are not perfect. but that weird offness of AI art just feels wrong. like a glitch in a simulation, reminding you that what you see was never real.

but really, even if AI was always completely indistinguishable from human-made art, the viewing experience would still be fundamentally changed. we make art to connect with each other, to see and be seen, to speak and to listen. but when i look at AI art, i don't know how to listen for a song. all i hear is the whir of cogs in a machine.

some people might point out that we're all just machines too. that AI's 1s and 0s are really no different from the synapses firing in our brains, and we draw inspiration from everything around us the same way AI draws from the samples in its generation bank. it's different to me, though. maybe i just feel this way because i myself am a creator, and i want to feel like i have something special to offer. but i have to believe there is meaning in the choices and expression of humans that there isn't in the choices of a program.

i'm sure this is just doomsday talk and it wouldn't actually happen, but the idea of AI eventually being handed the primary "creative" role over human beings is frankly devastating, even terrifying. i don't want to live in a world where all the art around me was generated automatically from a prompt and spat out onto a conveyer belt. it would be an inexpressible loss to me.

this isn't to say that AI doesn't have a place at all, or that we should abandon our exploration of technological advancement. i just hope that as this issue gets bigger, we remember the real point of art. when we are sad or lonely or angry, all of us turn to art. whether it's visual art or music or film or writing, art tells a story. we take comfort from the stories we tell each other, and it means something that those stories come from other people. art is and will always be a bridge between us and the rest of humankind.

so while our technology continues to develop, i hope we guard that bridge. I hope we protect the creative space of artists who want to tell stories. i hope we keep the demand for emotional expression high. i hope we honor the humanity of human-made art. if AI art is a truly reflection of us, i hope we keep looking toward the figure that cast the reflection, keep seeking the voice that started the echo.

[wrotelovelytears]

Cha cha CHIA!

Girl we going Islam-

🐸Neptune just has to rule over kpop. I mean think about all the use of illusions, talk about love/relationships and the way the fans act like... Fanatics.

🌹If not Neptune, then Uranus. The fans, even the industry itself, having really unpredictable behaviours is a key part of it. Also how it managed to (currently) revolutionize the view on East Asians(mainly Koreans) and the boost to technology due to rapid changes in the country and music.

🐸The Koreas are ruled by Leo. And in no way, shape, or form am I surprised. It's the way South Korea isn't known for idk Samsung (technology) but Kpop, Kdramas/film (arts). So yes Leo and the 5th house make sense as the country ruling because that's what made it truly famous/globally recognized. For the North, they stay in the news mainly due to technological changes and political happenings rather than any cultural/art based things like the South. Both very famous but for opposite reasons.

🐸I'm more convinced Venus rules over classical music over Saturn. Yes Saturn is related to time and strictness. Yet if you listen to classical music it's more about expressions of beauty or lack of.

🌹You could argue that Mars could even rule over it due to the tempos used in most classical songs. They were meant to express the ideas of the time and hence their popularity is mainly with those from the time period OR those looking to see what it was like. (And yes the 1700-1900s were a very.... Interesting time)

🐸Germany is ruled by Aries, again not surprised. Yes it became infamous after WW1, the aggressiveness (Martian) shown is what more people remember it for rather than the arts (Venusian traits). Many painters, composers and even scientists come from Germanic countries but war/aggression is somehow the only thing people remember.

🐸Dracula gives off Virgo vibes. Very critical. A clean freak. Only enjoys the finest things in life and not willing to give up, especially if someone else is the reason why. Very timey.

🐸As much as I'm on Aquarian heads, I feel like Aquarius celebrities show the most human like qualities. I mean they the type to get upset normally, talk as if they don't have large platforms and be generally very open with their lives/fans. They don't follow what it means to be a celebrity but what it means to be a human.

🐸Ever since Jupiter went direct I've been having the most vivid dreams. Like my intuition is a lot better and it's easier for me to explain things. Only issue is I'm more prone to lucid dreaming (especially since it's naturally in my 1st house)

🐸During Saturn retrograde I struggled with feelings of uselessness (more than usual). My natal Saturn is retrograde, however this time around it hit me really hard. It did ultimately push me to stop victimizing myself and get a job.

🐸Jupiter in the first house can also make someone hyper independent. Meaning the person could need help and not ask for it because the ego would rather struggle than be perceived as weak.

🐸Neptune retrograde shouldn't exist. That's it. No observation. Just a statement

🐸Scorpio Venus tend to have better relationships with those of a different age/age group than them. The house can hint to why that is

🐸Venus doms might like fashion from different time periods and/or more soft fashion styles from the current time. Bonus if Saturn and/or Neptune is touch it (regardless of aspects)

🌹I love roccoco dresses so much and Saturn does have a hard aspect with my Venus while Neptune has a soft.

🐸People dominated by more "positive" planets tend to be more egotistical than those with "malignant" planets as their doms.

🐸However people with "malignant" planets as their doms tend sit in negativity longer than those without them.

🪢All in all you either broody or an egomaniac.

🐸The fame degrees backfire more than they actually "help". Anyone with more than 2 had their fair number of struggles and more.

🐸I think the fame degrees are less about achieving fame and more about learning about how societies perceive and treat certain traits. You might be easily recognized for the planet(s) that hold your fame degree(s), yet you are also heavily shunned for actually displaying the planet(s) behavior.

🐸Because I crave stability I tend to favor cardinal signs the most. They represent active change (not begin like the mutables or ending like the fixed). That's mainly due to my chart either being mutable or fixed dom (tropical vs sidereal/Vedic). I want what isn't naturally present in my chart.

🐸Apparently I love Virgo, Scorpio and Aquarian artist. Aquarius for their uniqueness. Scorpio for their emotions. Virgo for their lyricism/word play.

🐸I love how my chart is a walking contradiction. I'm watery with fire houses OR airy with earth houses. No I can't make a decision without thinking on it for five months and just waking up to do it one random day.

🐸Your dominant house(s) can definitely show the people you go after/ the ones that approach you the most.

🌹I get approached by people of different backgrounds/older folks a lot. (10th and 9th house ruled)

🐸You know what's interesting... The fact we have entered the Age of Aquarius and the countries ruled by it are act like complete asses or being shown to the world in a different light. Iran is (just now) being talked about for its Islamist views (Side note Islamist and Muslims/Islam are not synonymous. One is a political ideology the other is a religion). Russia literally wants to fight the whole world. People discovered what Sri Lanka is (and no it's not "India but an Island"). Sweden and Finland both got exposed for being trash with transatlantic slavery and oil money. I could keep going but all the countries ruled by Aquarius are struggling in some way or form.

🐸We just left the age of Pisces. Of course that means I have to speak on the (recent)political happenings of it too. The issue over Jerusalem got highlighted. Egypt had about 5 revolutions in the 2010s alone. The rest of North Africa went through so much political upheaval, I'm pretty sure we won't recover for a hot minute. Scandinavia showed how many neonazis could exist on one part of the planet and how not to treat Indigenous people. The Portuguese Royal Family fell off and the government went broke(r).

(If you learned something new or would just like to support me you can leave a wittle tip via the tip button or one of the links in my masterlist. Kofi: nymphdreams🧸)

[curseofhecate]

I'm in love with you that's why

Lily Evans x Fem!reader

In which the reader and Lily get into an arguement and it ends with them confessing their love for each other.

0.9k

tw: slight angst, shouting.

"Potter asked me out on a date again" Lily announced as she threw her bag on the floor. Our dorm room was empty except for the two of us, Marlene was spending the afternoon with Dorcas and Mary was off doing Merlin knows what with her new boyfriend.

"Seriously Lils, I don't see why you don't just say yes to him" I sighed, closing the book in front of me. Lily sat on my bed oposite of me, cross-legged with a serious look on her face. "I don't like him like that" the girl stated simply.

"But you do like him Lily. If you don't then why are you always starring at him and then blush and smile every time he compliments you?" I asked, voice rising slightly.

I'd first realised I liked girls in 3rd year. It was confusing, I suddenly found myself thinking about the redhead, wondering what it would be like to be her lover. Wondering how her lips would feel against mine, wondering how it would be to hold her in my arms.

It hurt me having to watch her make heart eyes at James all of last year. It hurt every time she talked about her boy crushes and how other guys had asked her out.

It hurt me holding her hand platonically with the knowledge that we would never be anything more than that. Friends. She was my friend but I wasn't sure if I could be hers. Not when I thought of her in the way I did.

If she got with James then maybe, just maybe, I would finally come to terms with my feeling never being reciprocated. But as long as it continues, it's only causing more pain.

"No. See that's where you're wrong. I don't like him. I can't like him" the girl argued, face turning redder by the second, red enough to match the shade of her hair.

"James is a perfectly fine boy, Lily. He's sweet and kind and caring. Why can't you like him?" I was yelling at this point.

"I'm in love with you that's why!" she finally snapped, a sole tear of frustration escaping her eyes.

Silence. I didn't dare to move. She liked me? No she was in love with me? I'm delusional. Lily doesn't even like girls. She would have told me if she did. This is all work of my imagination, an illusion.

"I can't love James the way he loves me because I'm in love with you" she repeated, quieter this time.

"Lily I-"

There were no words to describe what I was feeling. Happiness, surprise, disbelief, fear. All at once. Everything seemed so distand from reality, as if i had grown numb to the world around me. I couldn't find it in myself to utter a word.

I was frozen, and could do nothing but stare at the girl in front of me who was now panicking.

"I'm sorry. Merlin I'm so sorry N/n" the girl spoke at the absence of a reply. Getting up from my bed, she tugged on her hair, clearly frustrated.

"I'm so stupid, so so, stupid" she groaned as tears threatened to fall. "I'm so stupid for ever thinking you'd ever like me back. Merlin I'm so stupid for even thinking you liked women."

She was rambling, apologising over and over again. Even in such state she still looked as beautiful as ever.

Breaking out of my frozen state, I quickly got up and walked towards her. Not thinking anything twice, I placed a hand on her cheek, pulled her in and pressed my lips against her.

They were soft. So, so soft. It felt better than I'd ever imagine. Better than I'd ever dream of it. She placed a hand behind my neck, pulling me even closer to her.

She was kissing me back. This wasn't a dream, no, not anymore.

Pulling away I opened my eyes to look directly into hers. Had she been starring at me this whole time? "I had no idea you had feeling for girls" I finally let out.

"I could say the same about you."

"Fair enough. But you go first." The redhead chuckled. "I only realised it a few months ago, when I found myself missing you with everything in myself over the summer" she admitted, cheeks still rosy.

Silence settles between us. Until I broke it, to answer her previous question.

"It was third year. And you had just had that glow up and were looking as beautiful as ever" I could practically feel the blood rushing to my cheeks as I spoke.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I was scared." Scared of making things weird between us. Marlene was the only one I'd told at that time.

Silence. Not like the one before, there was no tension between us anymore.

"So what does that make us?" She asked.

"We could be together. As more than friends. If you want to, of course. Or we could go on with our lives and pretend nothing ever happened between us. Though I'm not particulary fond of the second case".

"You'll have to get down on one knee" she laughed.

I chuckled, dropping on the floor. "Lily Evans, will you make me the happiest girl in the world and be my girlfriend?" I asked teasingly, holding her hand.

"Yes, yes, a million times yes" She jumped up and down.

I smiled at her antics, standing up to kiss her for a second time. It wasn't a short-lived kiss like the last one, it was one full of passion and I could feel the sparks fly around us.

Later that night, I found myself in Lily's bed, holding her close to me under the covers as we both started to drift off.

"You know I think it's for the better things turned out this way" I mumbled. "I'm pretty sure James has a thing for Sirius' brother anyway."

[panoptical]

Kevin is a Corruption avatar and I will die on this hill. The themes of being consumed by something that loves you, being twisted and warped by an overwhelming force that creeps in and overtakes you, changing you into something completely unrecognizable. And it loves you. It loves you, it shines its light upon you and it burns you with love.

There's a direct parallel you can draw to how Prentiss was lured in by the hive with singing, "There is a wasps’ nest in my attic. A fat, sprawling thing that crouches in the shadowed corner. It thrums with life and malice. I could sit there for hours, watching the swirls of pulp and paper on its surface. I have done. It is not the patterns that enthrall me, I’m not one of those fools chasing fractals; no, it’s what sings behind them. Sings that I am beautiful. Sings that I am a home. That I can be fully consumed by what loves me." "It’s more of an everywhere. A feeling. Are you familiar with trypophobia? That disgusted fear at holes, irregular, honeycombed holes. Makes you feel that itch in the back of your mind, like the holes are there too, in your own brain, rotten and hollow and swarming."

The Smiling God is described in similar ways: "Beyond her, no longer just on the horizon, much closer than that, is a light, spreading across the desert. The light is alive and malicious and vast and encroaching. It buzzes and shines and everything about it hurts those who are close to it and destroys those who are within it." "Orange triangles, growing bigger and bigger as I traced my way deeper into the spiral. There was a soft light just around the edges of the triangles. When I looked at them, I felt the light in my head and it pounded like a migraine against the back of my eyes. I could not look at them. I could not look away." "The beautiful majesty of living as one under the unrelenting love of a Smiling God[.]"

How she describes the dichotomy: "Perhaps I’ve always heard it. Perhaps the itch has always been the real me, and it was the happy, smiling Jane who called herself a witch and drank wine in the park when it was sunny. Maybe it was her who was the maddened illusion that hides the sick squirming reality of what I am. Of what we all are, when you strip away the pretence that there is more to a person than a warm, wet habitat for the billion crawling things that need a home. "

And Tryptich: "What they did to me. I’m not myself anymore. I’m a smile, and a twitch of the wrist. It has been years, Cecil. I’ve drifted away from myself. Sometimes I am one me, and then again I am the other. What they did to the sentient heat trapped temporarily in my body. [...] The power of the Smiling God is an endless flow. It ebbs, like the tides. But, like the tides, it returns."

Now, you could argue that the Smiling God as a whole is more Desolation coded, with all the talk of devouring and ceaseless appetite. The All Smiles' Eve story shows the Smiling God destroying everything the Good family knew, a senseless act of destruction done swiftly and unceremoniously. Kevin talks about how the Smiling God will devour us all, stripping our flesh and making us pure. I think that aligns less with the loss of the Desolation because it's all about how the devouring changes you for the """better""", not about the loss that comes with it. There is of course the Flesh aspect with the gaping maw and devouring of flesh, but I think that's shown less in the main show than it is in supplementary materials that I don't own, so I won't pull any quotes out here. However, it's worth mentioning the Smiling God has multiple angles you could touch on.

But Kevin specifically, and his Congregation, are aligned with the Corruption. The way they sweetly manipulate you with kind words, luring you in and changing you so completely. He describes greeting a newcomer: "He missed his friends and family, but everyone here in Desert Bluffs convinced him that we were all his friends and family now. Just look at our smiles, we shouted as we surrounded him." There's a lot more I could say here, but I think the aspect of the Corruption that has to do with love is deeply underlooked.

Kevin might be uncanny just because of the body horror and our familiarity with Cecil, but the actual themes of his narrative are more important.

@bracketsoffear

[cosmicjoke]

To be honest, I've always found the Levi and Erwin relationship toxic.

One of them is the "trust" relationship between them.

Levi always trusts Erwin but Erwin deceives Levi and the soldiers for his own dreams, and one of the things that upsets me is that Levi finds out and feels betrayed but continues to trust him because he has no other choice... (Stockholm syndrome?) And I find it shallow that he takes his anger out on Jean and Eren after arguing with Erwin. I wouldn't have thought that someone like Levi would resort to unnecessary violence even if it was about his feelings.

I dont know man, Levi is not only hurt by losing his comrades in the series, he is also betrayed and abandoned by characters who don't do him good (kenny and Erwin) yes Kenny taught him to fight and survive and Erwin gave him a purpose to use his power in better places. I think actions other than that left a permanent mark on him.

I think people exaggerate this relationship, especially the "trust" relationship. He sees Erwin Levi as an equal to his other soldiers and, as I said, deceives them for the sake of his own illusion. Levi, on the other hand, has no choice but to trust, despite his doubts (and betrayal). Is this really a healthy and beautiful relationship?

The relationship between Levi and Erwin is complicated, let's say.

It's obvious to me that Levi feels ambivalence toward some of Erwin's choices and the way he chooses to lead, but he also trusts in his judgement implicitly because he sees Erwin as a visionary and a great leader. But I don't think it's totally fair to disregard Erwin's trust in Levi. Erwin, after all, in the end, chose to trust Levi, above anyone else, with his true feelings and his true motivation. He made himself vulnerable to Levi in a way that he'd never done with another person, and that, to me, speaks of trust as well.

I agree that Erwin's "betrayal" was painful to Levi. Levi lent his strength to Erwin and his cause because he genuinely believed that Erwin, and all of those questionable, morally grey choices he made, was fighting for humanity. Levi's anger after his argument with Erwin, and him taking it out on Eren and Jean, was to me understandable, because he'd just had his entire view of who Erwin was (this man he'd chosen to follow and give his strength to) shaken to the core. Erwin admitted to him that his own, personal dream of finding out the truth was more important to him than humanity. Levi's entire foundation for fighting was crumbling beneath him, he didn't know what to think, didn't know if he'd been wrong for trusting Erwin, and knew also that there was nothing he could do to stop Erwin from joining the operation in Shinganshina, knowing also that it was likely to lead to Erwin's death. So he was upset. And we all know, when Levi's upset, because of the way he was raised, his sort of default is to express it physically and through violence. So I didn't find that moment strange or out of character, or shallow. It was Levi being in a state of deep uncertainty, probably even fear and doubt. Maybe even guilt. He was hurting, and Levi was never taught how to properly express his emotions. You bring Kenny up, and how Kenny betrayed and hurt him too. Kenny never taught Levi anything but how to survive through violence. And then he abandoned him. I don't know how people can really expect Levi to be well rounded or versatile in social graces and niceties when he was raised the way he was.

But to address your other points about Erwin, again, I say it's complicated. Erwin definitely used Levi to some extent, that can't be denied, and that in itself is deeply sad. But Erwin wasn't some heartless monster. Erwin, in many ways, deluded himself about his motivations as much as he did his soldiers. He convinced himself that he was fighting for humanity in order to cope with the guilt he had over the fact he was really fighting for a personal goal. I think the remorse and regret he expresses to Levi in Shinganshina was very much real, and again, he trusted in Levi to essentially save him from that guilt. He knew Levi would make the right choice. He knew Levi would do the right thing. In the end, Erwin gave up his dream by letting Levi choose for him. So, again, I don't think you can say that Erwin ONLY saw Levi as a tool for him to use. He saw him as a friend whom he could trust and rely upon to help him. And Levi did. Despite his own feelings of being hurt and betrayed by Erwin, Levi was able to forgive him and free him from the burden of his dream. He was able to help Erwin become the commander everyone thought he was. And that's also a burden Levi chose to bear on his own, the truth of who Erwin was and what drove him. No one else knew. Just Levi. Levi also bore the weight of other people's criticisms then for letting Erwin die, like Flock and Hange. He let Flock accuse him of letting "personal feelings" get in the way of making the right choice without arguing, because to argue would be to reveal to everyone that Erwin, before his death, was in a state of mental breakdown. To defend himself against those types of accusations would require Levi to reveal that Erwin wasn't quite the perfect, heroic leader everyone saw him as. Levi wanted Erwin's legacy to be in tact. He wanted him to continue to be viewed as a great leader. And I think in the end, Levi himself still saw Erwin as that. He thanks Erwin before he sends him off, and tells him they wouldn't have gotten to where they were without his leadership. And that's all true. Regardless of the reasons why Erwin made the choices he did, those choices are still what got the SC as far as it did. Levi, because of his own, great humanity, saw the burden Erwin bore, in having to make so many awful decisions, and instead of condemning Erwin for being less than honest and less than perfect, he chose to forgive him and acknowledge his great sacrifice and contribution to humanity.

And that's why Erwin chose to confide in Levi. He knew, if anyone would be capable of forgiving him and understanding his weaknesses, it would be Levi, who's the most compassionate person in the series.

[mermaidsirennikita]

When I think about maybe the reactions to two of the like….. unsafe I guess? (Which, debatable, but whatever.) Sex scenes in Sierra Simone’s New Camelot series (both of which are in American Prince because Embry is a FREAK) I think there’s a real display of how some romance readers view m/m sex scenes (as erotic scenes wherein arousal is more important than romance and feeling) and m/f sex scenes (as scenes where, if there is any degree of ambiguity, we must condemn it as abuse).

Ash and Embry’s first time, told via flashback from Embry’s POV only, is in a literal war zone. Ash outranks him. Embry was SHOT lol. Ash is very angry with him for being shot because feelings. Embry has just been pumped up with morphine and rather loopily is like “you should fuck me because I’m grateful that you saved my life and you need to relax and we have Vaseline in the first aid kit so LETS GOOOOOOOO”. And Ash is initially like “you are crazy”. But he does give in fairly quickly, and they have several rounds of very intense, rough sex in which Embry is again bleeding from at least one bullet hole the whole time, Ash is into that, he’s into the pain, and yes it’s consensual but the morphine does technically slide it into dubcon for me. Yes, there are soft moments—the love is very clear; Ash at one point tells Embry “you look beautiful in the moonlight” and I highlighted it on Kindle lmao—but it is a pretty wild first time. I rarely see this scene discussed as morally dubious, possibly dubcon. I don’t see the general safety issues discussed. (Embry Moore would rather bleed out than miss a chance to get railed, absolute legend, nothing but respect for my president.) People don’t give disclaimers when they talk about this scene and how hot it is.

In contrast, there is also a scene in the book when Embry saves Greer after she’s kidnapped by the villain. She’s bound, it’s very clear that while it didn’t happen, a rape was planned and imminent. They are both a MESS. She asks him to basically…. Rape her. But in a way she fully consents to (CNC, rape play, whatever you wanna call it). He resists, she persuades him because she wants to remake this moment into something pleasurable in her mind to cope (which is a real phenomenon) he acquiesces, and they even agree to a way for her to safe out WHILE being bound again.

Like, it is a very rough sex scene and I don’t expect everyone to like it (it’s one of my favorites in the series but oops). They’re both venting a lot of emotion—and like, the series does make it clear that Embry has a lot of kinks that lean towards CNC, but GREER DOES TOO. And I think that honestly is, illustrated in the scene, something they are able to find more with each other than with Ash, because consent is so key in his games.

We see it from both of their POVs (his self-loathing because he loves it and thinks it’s wrong, hers emotional but also sooooo into it). They actually break character at least once lol. And yeah, there is a moment after that I love where she gets out of bed and realizes he’s looking at her completely bloodless because she’s basically covered in bite marks and bruises. I won’t say it isn’t rough—but there is full consent, full ability to stop it with safe outs discussed, and Greer even reiterates her consent and enjoyment after when he is (consistently for his character) beating himself up about it hardcore.

But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen this scene discussed as “basically rape”, assault, the one time this series went too far.

Yes, you could argue that Greer’s (and Embry’s tbh) emotional state clouded the consent. But I would argue…. Less than the morphine lmao. It is a dark scene, and they are both getting off on it being an imagined assault. But it is very much NOT ONE, and at some point the illusions of it being one kind of drop away and they’re both just having super rough, angsty sex.

And I just have to think that it’s because there’s this expectation that heroines must always be treated with tenderness even when they don’t want to be…. Whereas m/m heroes can be treated very roughly and it’s fine because you’re not seeking romance, you just want to get off. It’s experience via projection versus fetishization. The heroine is more real in this m/f scene and has real value as opposed to the hero in the m/m scene, who is basically a cardboard fuck object.

(Which I find particularly annoying with Embry because he’s a top 5 romance character to me, and I think the way he is believably both of the people he is in these scenes is so well done by Sierra.)

I also think of course that there’s a lot of kink shaming surrounding CNC, and even though Ash gets off on Embry’s pain in their scene, the word “rape” isn’t used and Embry is a man and should be to take the pain. So it’s not as bad, apparently.

Anyway… I love both scenes, the reader reaction contrast to them just irks me.

[misscrazyfangirl321]

seirra x anthony: no dollhouse au

He falls in love with her before he even lays eyes on her.

There's a showing at a local art gallery, and one of his buddies invites him along (invites, drags... One of those things). He comes because he has nothing better to do, because he's too tired to argue, because he cannot close his eyes without seeing things too horrifying to even wrap his head around and maybe seeing something beautiful will help.

Not likely, but hey, he's always been an optimist.

Most of the art is... It's fine, really. Good, even. Clearly there's a talented group here tonight, and he's lucky to be seeing their works. But there's a dark cloud over him, one he's been carrying since the war, and it's hard to marvel at brushstrokes and color combinations through the fog.

Then, he sees it: a single painting, relatively small, tucked into the corner of the room. It seems almost alive with color and movement, and he makes his way to it without another thought. Birds are scattered across the canvas, giving the illusion of flight, and he can almost feel the wind on his face. The sunlight in the horizon might only be strokes of yellow paint, but they cut straight through to his heart, and he's reaching forward before he realizes.

He's not sure what he expects, but nothing particularly magical happens when his fingers brush the canvas; he half-expects to find himself drawn into the painting like some sort of cheesy movie, for the way his heart is racing.

Racing. Beating. Alive. He's alive, and for the first time since coming home, he feels it. Every bullet that flew past him, every bomb that exploded far too close, everything he lost, and he survived.

Suddenly, he's aware of someone watching him. He looks back warily, instincts bracing him for battle, but he finds only a young woman-stunning, with a smudge of paint on her eyebrow and stains on her hands-looking at him curiously.

The artist, he surmises, and then, belatedly: she probably doesn't want me petting her painting.

"Uh, sorry," he says slowly, withdrawing his hand. "I was just-" He doesn't quite know how to explain, how to say your painting touched me, and I needed to touch it.

Thankfully, she only smiles, waving him off. "Don't worry; I'm just glad someone likes it."

"I'm sure lots of people like it," he protests, gesturing back to it. "It's amazing."

Her smile grows shy, and she lifts a single shoulder. "Lots of people said they liked it." The words are quiet, but he's never heard anyone so clearly. "But you... I could see it."

Ridiculously, he's half-aware of his cheeks growing warm. She's still looking at him, still watching him, and he can't bring himself to look away. "Anthony," he half-blurts, holding out his hand. "I'm Anthony. Tony."

Her eyes dance, and he feels like he's made a complete fool of himself, but when she takes his hand, that seems to matter very little. "Well, Anthony Tony, I'm Priya. You know, I haven't really had a chance to look at the other works here; care to look around with me?"

To spend more time with her? To see those paintings through her eyes? "I'd like that." She still hasn't released him, and he makes no move to pull away. "I'd like that a lot."

[hannahsmusings]

Renee

*I couldn’t believe how suave and smooth he was, knowing that this worked on every girl who was unfortunate enough to get caught in his crosshairs, but I couldn’t deny that I could feel a small tug of attraction towards him, even with his arrogance and his pompous attitude, it all worked so well for him, probably because his face looked like that* I had to look the part, right? How else would you notice me? *I take down a good portion of my drink, wanting to throw up at my own words, but happy that he was playing right into my hand, he thought he had the upper hand but he didn’t, he didn’t at all, and he absolutely no idea* *if he was anyone else and if our situations were different, I would’ve walked away as soon as he called me that name; it made my stomach twist up deliciously but it was also condescending in a way, wanting to argue that of course I knew that but I couldn’t blow my cover, nodding and tilting my head as he speaks, trying to keep my face as neutral as possible* You don’t like new people coming in and trying to change things around… I’m sure you know exactly how you like things. *I bite my lip as I give him a flirty smile* *I tilt my head to the side, making myself look as innocent as possible, reaching my hand up and playing with the pendant on my necklace, trying to come off as nonchalant as possible* But I’m sure she won’t be too bad… you think she’s gonna mess everything up? She has to be a professional to be in that position, right? *I even made my voice go up an octave, giving off the illusion that I had no idea what I was talking about, needing him to enlighten and teach me* *god, I hated this man, I had no idea how I was supposed to be cordial with him when all I wanted to do was slap the smug smirk right off his face* I’m staying here, Ferrari was nice enough to comp my room… I’m sure it’s not as nice as yours though. I bet you drivers get the best rooms. *funnily enough, I had a very nice suite since I was technically above the drivers in terms of status, but obviously having someone stroke this man’s ego was his favorite pastime* *I knew I needed to excuse myself, but the sheer thought of him inviting me to his room just to be denied to then enter my office tomorrow… I knew it would be fucking delightful to witness, my feet unwilling to let me move just yet*_

_________________________________________________

*cocks a brow and eyes light up with flirtation as I smirk at your boldness, grinning over the rim of my glass* Darling, I’d have to be blind not to notice you. *whispers seductively, leaning in a bit further as I watch you sip your drink, the energy between us crackling at this point and I couldn’t get over how fucking easy this was, you were all over me and eating all my lines up, normally thriving with charm and chemistry and having no qualms about approaching anyone but your beauty was more than a little intimidating, having thought for a moment my game would be off or you’d want a bit more chasing but no, you seemed to have no idea how enticing you were and that made this way too easy for me* Right you are. I like a routine, a good rhythm if you will. *smirks at the slight innuendo* One might say I’m an expert in the field. *lets my gaze drop to your mouth at your seductive smile, it dropping further as your hand reaches your neckline, gazing at your collarbones and feeling my mouth salivate a little at the sight of your slender neck, betting you smelt delicious and vowing to myself that I’d kiss you there later* *looks away at your question, you seeming to have an interest in the roles here and assuming you were just pandering to my interests, playing along* Professional maybe but I doubt she’ll last 5 minutes. Need a lot of resilience to deal with all the people, respect has to be earned and she has no reputation, therefore no respect. *shrugs a little before grinning as you mention your room, smirking a little and shaking my head playfully* I’m sure that’s not the case...*murmurs softly as I lean in a little further, lowering my voice* Maybe you can show me and I’ll be the judge? *glances down at your lips again, making my intentions clear*

[moreyouread]

Making Sense of God

Discovered is better than constructed meaning

• constructed meaning leads to us feeling hopeless the more we think about it

• any constructed meaning relying on something in the material world leads to unhappiness (described in Ecclesiastes) and also observed during the Holocaust in Man’s Search for Meaning

• Ancient philosophers felt that detachment was the key to happiness, but this seems dissatisfying because loving relationships do serve to make us happy

Freedom as ultimate good? No

• Freedom is not real. There are trade-offs so you need to sacrifice for different freedoms. Eg freedom for wealth requires sacrifice of education.

• Real freedom is a strategic loss of something for another that you care about

• there are social restraints based on how humans work that guide us to true freedom

• avoid harming others as a moral law is not self evident. People disagree on what will harm others. eg does porn harm others?

Self identity as ultimate value? No

• self identity is hard to determine; saying anger issues isn’t you and you’ll work to change it but homosexual feelings are is an arbitrary determination

• anything we build identity in will cripple us eventually

• anything we build identity in will lead to a disdain of the other. Humility is needed to recognize no disdain for or view themselves as better than the other, but confidence to not demonize the other out of insecurity. This comes from humility in our sin but confidence in God’s grace for us

Hope is a belief in the future that affects our attitude today.

Morality and justice is difficult to explain without God.

Part 3: Christianity makes sense

God argument

inferred God like light particles and atoms are inferred. However isn’t God less consistent in testing?

• original matter either:

- sprung from nothing

- always existed

- infinite number of causes

All of these are outside of the realm of science. So even those who deny God have to admit that

• all the values of physical constants for life-permitting settings are so low likelihood — point to God than not. Some like to argue the multiverse thesis even though there is no shred of evidence of this either.

• moral obligations are illusions of evolution and culture if there is no personal God.

• human consciousness is remarkable. All human experience has a subjective experience to it, ability to draw abstractions, relate past and future, and do complex mathematical equations and philosophy. It’s hard to prove why these capacities were developed in evolution. No one can explain consciousness yet with science. It’s hard to swallow that love / our ideals are just chemicals and illusions

• beauty in art and nature point to God. Sure it might help for reproductive fitness but a lot of art like music is not related to reproduction. Beauty is often not utility

Jesus argument

• Mark gospel was written 30 years after Jesus death so eye witnesses were still alive and consulted.

• it’s not likely fabricated to fit the cultural needs at the time since many culturally embarrassing things like women being the first to see Jesus, the crowds Jesus hung out with, would be embarrassing

• early Christians believed Jesus was God, and Jesus claimed it himself

• the way the NT Bible was written is like a historical narrative with all these unnecessary details that make it sound real. Back then, fictional stories were not written the way the NT was

• people mentioned witnesses by name even, which could back up what was being said; apostles frequently said they were eyewitnesses too and not fabricating a lie

• no other religion has a real historical figure claim he was God and lived a life with character that made it believable to many. Either Jesus was God or an arrogant lunatic

• early disciples and believers died for their beliefs, within the same generation or claiming to be eye witnesses of the event

• it was very unlikely that Jews would believe God could be man. This was very anti their religion

• all other zealots of the time who died did not then have followers claim resurrection

[whitefluffybearcub]

7/1/2023

— ego is a component of the human illusion realities. People often times argue with each other purely over their egos.

To see that they are really arguing over illusion is kind of amusing, if you see you understand.

Children in the play ground. They will grow and evolve.

— they all play with your emotions to control you and to summon a collective energy. Much Of you fall into it every time.

— those in the spot light, deemed the important and part of the elite, but from their eyes there is nothing but unhappiness and sadness. The contrast.

7/2/2023

— when humans are at their most desperate and weak moments, they would often times show their true characters, who they designated to be at some point in this journey.

—When one likes to focus on gossiping, blaming, and manipulating via deceit, they are also chipping away their own well-being. They do not realize how unhappy they are because of that.

— whatever you do in this karmic reality, there is always a ripple effect but rest assured it would always come back to you and yours, sometimes the longer it takes to come back, the bigger the ripple, whether it be good or bad karma.

— humans would go to a certain point and realize that if their hearts aren’t really in it, whatever it is it would eventually collapse, whether it is a day or a decade, because deep down they, the creators of their products, don’t even believe in it but just a tool to grab cash.

7/3/2023

— chasing hype after hype, it morphs into an addiction then it would never stop. Human nature is easily corrupted. They don’t want you to know of course.

— what if you found out what you needed all along is something simple, not anything over the top. The latter really is just wasted energy.

— be kind and be free of ego, all unconditionally, would be one of the ultimate human lessons and experiences.

7/4/2023

— karma would take place at a precise and the most profound moments so the spirit can learn about it and that these meaningful experiences would also pass on to the soul.

— if you are mindful enough, you would see that most arguments are just exchange Of ego or a repeat of ego but know that they are all meant to go through this.

Thanks for showing me this.

— karma would make sure the evil in this reality would reveal and expose itself one way or another, sooner or later. Some would choose to start healing then some would go even deeper and even lower with deceit.

The universe works in mysterious ways providing a designated path for all spirits and entities.

And the seemingly innocent who have fell victim to the evil, they also have karmic ties with it. Taken advantage in this chapter, take advantage in the next, and vice versa.

—the wars created by the big companies and rulers to profit from, to gain control of anything, to fulfill hidden agendas. All the loss of lives are blood on your hands and this would mean karmically and energetically. This concept applies to all groups of so called elites who seek mass wealth and control of every civilization.

If you choose to do this, know that you are willingly to play this game of karmic wheel.

— in this certain part of the world, you have to fake everything and ultimately you would find what you think happiness is, is also fake. False happiness lasts just for a minute and then you are back at pretending.

Is it worth it ? Only you can decide.

— the traits that one used to hate but slowly they also morph into exactly what they used to hate. They could not heal that extended karmic energy so they become it.

It is possible they might not be able to heal it at all In one lifetime. Their soul has a plan for them anyway. All In the designated destiny.

— this human world isn’t perfect but it has been designated this way. I am grateful because it is still more beautiful than anything else.

7/5/2023

— observe what one says or does because it would be a reflection of who they really are.

Pretense would not last, they would show their true color one way or another.

7/6/2023

— just observe. Each day you see tons of people who bow down to ego. Ego being their master, is dictating them what to do, how to feel, all not in a good way.

— when you live only for the camera, you create a void in your inner self. Your inner child does not care about social media or anything superficial.

— people who lie to you so you can be controlled, if you heed their words you are also walking on a path towards depression.

— the evil does not discriminate within all levels of evil. You see that the entities who think they are at the top of evil, also get sacrificed when their masters see fit.

That is what it is like to let it in and play with evil.

— the hype is never what it seems, otherwise it would not be a hype.

7/7/2022

— there will always be a steep price to pay for chasing fame, power, and ego.

— the human digital online world, is a similar replica of how fate and karma works, each deed is recorded and stored somewhere, it would come back to you somehow, somewhere, some day, good or bad.

I do hope you do good so there is good karma for you but ultimately it’s your experience and choice.

— everyone is acting strangely, everyone is guided to jump off the cliff. Some of them willingly, some aren’t.

Something in the water, something in the air, something in the food, what else could it be? You think.

— everything in this human world is ultimately for entertainment purposes. Don’t take it too seriously.

7/8/2023

— when you are tuned into the vibration and frequency of ego, you would never find genuine happiness because happiness is an energy that operates at a higher frequency.

Do follow ego and see what it is like but remember my words. True happiness happens when ego is properly released.

— in this point of human journey, the elites, the celebrities, the powerful, the high authority and the ultra wealthy would have all their deceit all exposed, and that their worshippers and followers would see the truth of what their energy really is.

It is a two way lesson, don’t you see, the exposed would have to start learning about integrity, morals, and compassion.

— the mindless would be easily sent on a trip of hysteria by words, drugs, fear, propaganda, experiment, manipulation, and other lowly ways. Many are made to fight each other but all orchestrated by the same hand. Karma applies to all, no discrimination.

Whether they wake up from it depends how they can elevate energetically but whatever happens it is still a part of their destiny and experience.

— when the denial sees the truth and knows that is the truth, it would first be very angry because they do not want to leave denial and face the truth. Just a matter of time.

— the games you play in this place.It is designed that you do not know all is an illusion .

— you would be very angry once you’ve found out you’ve been lied to. Instead of being destructive, Use that mighty anger to make things right, just, and fair and ultimately heal.

— some souls have designated that they pay for their karmic debt in private, some in the public. Rest assured, karma is with you no matter who you are, as long as you are in this frequency.

7/10/2023

— as glamorous as it can be on the outside, it is usually filled with insidious and overpowering darkness.

— ego would never lead one to the path of true happiness because happiness operates at a higher frequency. However you can choose to elevate energetically but you first have to rid of ego.

It is a lesson for all humans.

— when someone says “you can’t pay my price”, it just means that person is still willing to sell themselves with a more hefty price tag.

Ego In the land that is already rotten and corrupt.

— no matter who is running the show, it is just a circus. Might as well enjoy the show and have a good laugh. Everything and everyone is amusing in their own way if you see.

— there is endless decay in this world. You do not have to pay attention to any of it. The process of decay itself is an experience for the designated spirits.

Let them run their courses.

— each ego in this world serves a purpose and a lesson. Let it be and let it experience what it has been here to feel.

When ego serves no purpose to you anymore and you encounter another one, let them pass. You do not have to say or do anything, you do not even have to acknowledge it.

Let each ego run its course and serve its own destiny and experience.

Be mindful. Be quiet. Let them be.

— be calm. All is well.

— be reminded that the pain you inflict on someone, would always come back to you, may be in the same way, may be in different ways.

After all, We live in a karmic cycle reality.

Remember you make that choice.

— if not all, it is human nature to want to be greedy and selfish when they are seemingly infused with power and authority.

Know that they are also in a lesson of karmic cycle. What goes up must come down in this human world. They must learn firsthand and go through the highs and lows themselves.

— all of the celebrities, politicians, public influencers, and elites are all corrupt and can be brought for a price. If they do not agree, they are simply being rid of. A rule for being in that high club.

— power does corrupt a human mind because it leads to selfishness, greed, and more corruption.

7/12/2023

— humans react rather negatively when their ego is hurt. Observe carefully, see the ones who have the most overwhelming but sensitive ego but it is also part of their journey.

Do not buy into their ego.

Thanks for showing me.

— people who have big ego would get angry when they feel like they have to be right all the time,and that people around them can only say or do things exactly how they want.

Know that these people are highly unhappy in life, and can never be happy for too long because the next thing that is going to Piss them off is just around the corner, all the time. They do deserve your mercy and compassion the most.

After all, Your energy attract what happens to you and determines how you feel.

7/13/2023

— even the giants who seemingly are invincible, would fall due to its karmic debt. Each evil deed that earns bad karma would chip away at the giants from inside out and vice versa.

The universe is also showing you how this reality works. Observe mindfully.

— the human world is funny, in ways that are so ironic. Many are imprisoned and corrupted by their success, and that their success brings them so much unhappiness, sufferings, and struggles. In the tiring pursuit of always something greater and grander, they lose their balance.

It does not apply to all but to so many. The humans in this human world are never truly what they seem.

7/14/2023

— don’t get angry. Don’t hate. Don’t be egotistical.

to truly make peace and find compassion from within and unconditionally, you must first understand each other’s pain from their perspective.

What seems like a disorder reflected on the surface, it is rooted by unbearable pain deep down.

Fate would not have everyone be unconditionally loving, but it is by design for this reality.

Do the best you can. Instead of hatred and anger, Pray and Cheer for them to elevate.

— in order to find peace, one must first forgive from the heart.

— the ones you see and encounter, the ones brimming with ego, say nothing and do nothing, let their ego be their biggest teacher.

They will learn thru their own ways even if you say or do absolutely nothing.

7/15/2023

— playing low vibrational games, your only outcome would of course be low vibrational. Even if you didn’t know, you’ll learn.

7/16/2023

— remember, fear, greed, corruption, and ego would never lead one to true happiness and genuinely love.

One must make that choice, And it shall be their journey.

— the only just law and order In this reality is karma, meticulously and precisely enforced by the soul of the universe.

If you eyes are open, you’ll see.

— the humanly games you play in this realm. The rules are not truly set by man because man themselves are the players no matter who they are in this world.

The rules are set by karma at the courtesy of the soul of the universe. An unbiased balance enforcer.

— the ones want you to rid of your integrity, are the ones dragging you down with them. It is the role they play.

Do you want to go down? It is your choice and journey.

— when anyone who wants you to refer them as god like and isn’t an equal as you, just know that you are witnessing a very big ego who is on an big egotistical trip. It is nothing more than an ego, and is definitely not something you should worship as a god.

Just saying.

7/17/2023

— when the mainstream media is pushing for something, it would be everywhere you see. It is never what it seems. Seemingly innocent and fun but there is a propaganda behind it, usually not for the good of mankind.

It is just how humans are in this reality. Be mindful.

— the evil that you push, enable, protect and harbor, it would also one day turn on you and bring you much troubles. Rules according to karma.

— always beware of the ones who use fear to gain attention, to control, and to fulfill selfish agendas. They all operate at a low frequency.

— every human’s relationship with Mother Nature is karmic. the bad you have done to Mother Nature for your greed, your agenda, your manipulation, all of it would come back to you and yours. If you have hurt Mother Nature, get ready to be hurt. Burn and be burned. Harm and be harmed. Kill and be killed.

— the universe would show everyone that no politicians, no governments, no known elite groups are truly in control, they are puppets that follow orders from the back hand.

And it is in karma’s plan that the hands would tire and lose everything. Their lesson would be about the limitations in this reality as the same as everyone else. There is a lesson for ego.

No one within this reality can cheat or bypass karma and fate. It knows everything and guides to balance in its mysterious and just ways.

— every human is mesmerized by the smoke of super wealthy and famous, little do they know that it is just a playground for the ultra evil. If they insist on playing in this place, they would eventually find that out but they won’t be able to shake off the disease that comes with this evil playground.

Best of luck.

7/19/2023

— where they are coming from, how they are linked, what stages they are on,and what they are trying to be along with their actions and words, that’s pretty much all you have to know in order to determine what characters and roles they would be playing in this reality.

— when it is everywhere and promoted by the mainstream constantly, it is most likely a propaganda and a psychological operation, all man made. By now it should be easy to spot for the most. Keep your wits about you my love.

It is nothing more or less than how this reality goes.

7/20/2023

— the words and actions of truly caring and pure fear do carry different energy. No matter how much manipulation is used to disguise fear as caring, the energy could not be manipulated. The karma would balance it somehow someway.

— some people would destroy their reputation and name over greed, corruption, ego, and power.

There would be no coming back from that of a ruined image. They could heal but it only starts with something purely genuine. Or they could get even lower by keep deceiving.

7/21//2023

— everyone chooses their games to play in this reality. Everyone and everything is meant to be.

To judge another’s game just because you don’t see from their perspective, is also egotistical.

I now understand. Let them be. Thank you for showing me.

— when you have time to sit in a room with only yourself in any shape or form, you can think and see with clarity, calm thoughts, and mindfulness, then you can be honest with yourself. I hope you would eventually choose to heal, do all the genuine things and be absolutely genuinely happy. I want that for all of the beings here.

— the games you choose to play in this reality. Please learn well and find peace from them. That is all there to it. All temporary. Be compassionate and kind with yourself and others. I wish you love no matter what.

— each being here is to fulfill a purpose, to learn a lesson, to balance karma, even when they are not aware while being here.

— the adored stars, the famed, the elites, would have to give up genuine self respect, ethnics, and love to have that bright light shine on them, but only to become a disposable tool and sacrifice at some point.

All in the pact they signed up for.

7/23/2023

— each and all means something, and it is why they come into this reality. No matter what you’ve chosen, I send you love so that Love would be available to you always in this place if and when you choose to want to experience genuine love. If there is genuine will, there is a genuine way. That is the only way to go about genuine love.

— Sending love to our mighty Mother Nature. May you protect and restore in your greatest glory. Thank you so much for carrying and providing on infinite of earth beings.

— each expression in this realm is meant to be, accordingly to its frequency, is a part of this story and journey.

— the events in this reality itself are also trying to explain away how being in this reality works.

Many humanly events here are illusion based, and they are small pieces of this bigger puzzle piece which is also an illusion as a whole. First man made but the latter is by the soul.

— this world needs all of its characters so it can play out the story that the soul has designed. Each character and expression has its own experiences and knowledge.

All of everyone and everything in here is temporary and ultimately just an illusion.

7/24/2023

— what you consider weird but very usual for a certain population in a different nation is merely just perspective and perception.

People like to judge because human are infused with ego.

—love, non- love, and everything in between, all on track in this life.

— karma is energy that restores itself. From wrong to right, from lies to truths, from bad to good, from low to elevated. This reality is basically just karma with expressions, knowledge, lessons , and experiences.

7/25/2023

— all of the cat and mouse games end the same way but each pursuit is different. They must take place because it is destined to, for the designated reasons.

7/26/2023

—this human world presents its inhabitants an invisible karmic wheel, some like to climb down, some try to climb up, each to their own experience, expression, and lesson.

— in the human realms, the distractions are to divert your attention to what is truly important. What the big mouth speaks of is mainly just distractions.

Big mouth makes sure everyone hears but you do not have to listen, especially to the distractions.

— hello hurt, cruel, corruption, ego, and hatred. At some point I have learned to thank you because you have provided lessons that are otherwise impossible if it wasn’t for this human frequency, and as you are designated for this dimension.

7/28/2023

— hello karma, do your things 😊 ❤️ 😊

— hello karma, do your thing. Work that magic. Teach, re-balance, and make things right and just. Be creative and mysterious while at it.

—Karma is a consistent and persistent energy within the human worlds. Sometimes instant, sometimes not. Sometimes one life, sometimes extensions and multiples. Only the mindful can see. You reap what you sow. A cosmic rule.

7/29/2023

— this human world consists mainly of smoke and mirrors. It has been made that way. one has to keep their wits about them. How they would fare in this world, and how genuinely happy they could be, it all depends on themselves and their intelligence of both emotional and intellectual.

— the pain that you could not heal, that you’ve harbored , suppressed, numbed and tried to pass it or take it out on someone else. It still stays with you.

If you acknowledge it and you can try to heal, and eventually you can release it without hurting yourself and others. Would that be a choice for you, most definitely.

7/30/2023

— everything in this perceptive realm, which gives the illusions and influences, are all connected one way or another. Everything and everyone.

— when the wicked speak and praise another wicked, it is kind of fun to watch because you could tell they both actually really hate each other. It happens in the most privileged parties periodically. They put on a show for their own.

— karma is balance. This reality can not be without karma and balance. Karma helps one elevate, otherwise some would just keep going down.

7/31/2023

— there are bullies And it is a reflection of painful ego. At some area, perhaps unseen, these bullies encounter other egos in which make them feel worthless. They pass on that pain as a bully to others but the pain is never healed.

— in this reality, good or bad determines how happy you are with your conscience, and ultimately your karma.

— personally the most genuine people I have come across always want you to think for yourself. No forced beliefs or overwhelming fear. Fear is a currency for control.

— the face that you always want to look at. Something special in their energy, but I choose to release that karma.

— something has to break so that the healing can enter and help elevated the energy. Karma would make sure of it as this reality is ruled by karma.

— when entities within this reality have no more purpose and has no chance in elevate energetically, it would then cease to exist in this world. It would then be sent to another dimension for its further journey.

— one day your humanly blind folds would fall off and that you would have learned how to elevate your energy and spirit via good karma. Until then my love, play well.

[spencersmagic]

zygomycota - spencer reid

masterlist // join my taglist // navigation

prompt: "did you love her? the woman you slept with. did you love her?"

-> we already spoke but thank u so much for requesting it! (idk if yo u wanna be tagged so not tagging just in case). this was a lot of fun to write <3

couple: spencer reid x fem reader

category: a lot of angst, hurt/comfort. happy ending :)

warnings: mentions of injury, cheating, bacteria (if that's a trigger), addiction, emotional neglect (lmk if i missed anything).

***

To say Spencer’s life had been difficult was an understatement.

Being the youngest recruit in the FBI, the babyof the team, Spencer had to become as tough-skinned as humanly possible. Under all those cardigan sweaters and mismatched socks, Spencer had grown to deal with ableist insults from the local police, and superiors undermining his ability. He understood what he was going to endure in his life, and in the FBI, and he rose to the challenge – simply because it’s what he does.

He had felt his world crumble, his lungs imploding when facing the death of those he loved and, in losing them, he found himself missing parts of himself he would never get back. He had lost way too much. The knot in his stomach had tightened and tightened, now a permanent resident in his throat.

It just wasn’t fair.

But Spencer knew this. He knew that to be the person he wanted to be, he would have to become exceptional at developing a second, stronger layer, incapable of breaking until he got back to his room, hid under the covers, and allowed himself to break down. His emotions always felt like a burden, like they were created to interrupt the moments when he needed to stay strong. It took a long time for him to come to terms with the things about him that he called imperfections, such as his ability to feel so much. Imperfections which are, in reality, what make him such a beautiful person. It was also one of the areas Y/N and Spencer had to work on the most.

***

Y/N wasn’t one to shrink in the face of a challenge.

What’s more, she would argue that it was the very trait of hers that got her so far. The career of a woman in the FBI was bound to have some setbacks, after all. Her whole life, she had experienced resistance from the people who were supposed to support her and lift her up. She had been shamed and assaulted, and everything in-between. She had learned to not take any shit from anybody, no matter how much she wanted to keep quiet.

The phrase you can’t fight fire with fire comes to mind when you think of her. Her kindness didn’t go unpunished by the cruel world that surrounded her in her job, suffocating her until she goes out, but it was one of those things she had learned to live with. Spitefulness hurts people - she was sure of it.

But understanding hurts, too, which was something she never even considered.

At least until now, three months into her boyfriend’s repeated behavior of neglect, hiding, sneaking out at late hours of the night, and hushed calls with an anonymous voice, who remained unnamed no matter how many times she tried to ask. She justified her boyfriend’s behavior, allowing herself to hide inside a cocoon of emotional neglect thinly veiled with lies, at least for a while, until she would inevitably explode.

And Spencer knew she would. At one point, he almost counted on her exploding. Anything to stop the guilt that was growing inside of his chest, poisoning his every breath. He would compare it to zygomycota, in that they destroy what was once full of life and hope, and they decompose it, turning it into nothing. Eliminating any chance of a fresh new breath - one full of excitement and love and the smile on her face when he would gift her tulips.

There’s a limit to how understanding he could be with himself. At one point, the image of himself they had worked so hard to build up, to repair from the repeated abuse in his childhood, felt lost - an illusion. Another of his magic tricks, designed to deceive those around him while still knowing the magic would end up fading. And all that would be left would be him.

There’s a limit to how understanding he could be with himself. And that limit was crossed, snapped apart leaving him with no sense of direction or purpose, when he arrived home at his usual 3 am, a time he knew Y/N would be asleep and far away from any chance of getting hurt by him. He had done enough in the past nights to know he couldn’t expect to be loved by her.

But, God, he wished he was worthy of her love. He wished he hadn’t messed up as he did. That way, maybe, he could find solace in her arms after a bad case. Maybe he wouldn’t have to run to another woman for comfort, the guilt washing over him like waves slowly crushing anything in their path against the mountains.

Ironically, that’s how he felt as he walked in and saw Y/N’s silhouette under the soft light of her computer screen.

Unsure of what to do, Spencer shut the door, placing his belongings in the closet meticulously. He reached down to undo his laces, struggling to get down after his knee injury. His fingers played with the laces aimlessly as he looked at his girlfriend, trying to figure her out. Her back was turned to the door, leaning back and towards the side of the couch. In the past couple of months, she had carried on with her life, hoping Spencer would turn to her at some point. Y/N thought their relationship was stable enough that they could talk to each other about anything. Now, she was closing her eyes briefly, hugging the pillows of the soft couch and imagining she is cuddling with Spencer.

Her eyes stung as she opened them, looking back at the screen through her dried eyes. An episode of Gilmore Girls was on, though she couldn’t tell which one. The comforting show had been on repeat in her computer, distracting her from her real-life problems with the soft whining of the girls.

As Spencer stood to walk towards her, he recognized the show. They had watched a few episodes of it together before the incident, but she probably realized it was hopeless to wait for him to join her.

Who he didn’t recognize was his girlfriend. She felt foreign to him. Her face was sunken, and her gaze was unfocused. As he walked around the couch, he took in her state. Her computer screen shone softly on her face, puffy and irritated at the scratching of the rough pillows against her cheeks. Her eyes shifted to look at him, her expression unaltered, as if she saw through him. In a way, he almost hoped she would. Selfishly enough, it would be easier for him to face her.

He parted his lips, stupidly fumbling for the right words. Apparently, there are no words good enough for when you’re lying to the woman you promised the world to, so he settled for willful ignorance.

“H-How come you’re still up?” he looked into her soulful eyes. He watched her trembling hands, an action he knew came from her excessive tea drinking when she stays up at night to study, as they reached to take off her headphones, looking down.

She took a deep breath, shutting her eyes momentarily, trying to stabilize her body’s shaking.

“Do you love her?” she shuts her computer.

“W-what?” he asks, dumbfounded. In the weeks he had gone through every single scenario, every nexus parting from the point she found out about his deception, this one hadn’t even crossed his mind.  Y/N could only feel her anger bubbling. Anger at Spencer, for thinking she’s stupid enough not to notice. Anger at herself. Spencer had found solace in someone else. She felt ridiculous for waiting for him to get tired of her.

She exhaled sharply, her eyes narrowing at him.

“The woman you’re sleeping with, Spencer. Do you love her?” he stood still, looking at Y/N, who had found the strength within herself to stand up and walk up to him. He had never seen her act this hostile with him.  

Spencer didn’t know what he had done, but he knew there was some explanation for what was happening. He scoured his memory for an idea of what was happening, for an ounce of logic in this chaos.

“Did you hear me?” she raised her voice, no longer able to control herself. “Do you love her? Or is she like me? Someone who waits on the sidelines for an ounce of attention, of comfort, only to wake up to a cold, empty bed” she broke down, tears streaming down her face for, what felt to her, like the hundredth time in the past few weeks, unable to contain her anger for another second. The memory of the past weeks hung heavy on her heart, pulling her down. In fact, he could’ve sworn he saw her knees go weak.

Instead, she remained strong as she watched her boyfriend, the man she loved so deeply, stumble over his words. His eyes were red, and he kept rubbing them.

“Y/N”, he mumbled. “Y/N I don’t know what I did. I-I wish I did, but I d-don’t”. His poor attempt at excusing himself makes him understand her better than ever. After everything they’ve gone through… If he’s hurt his girlfriend and has had the audacity to forget how he did so, he knows he deserves to lose her.

“You really think I’m that stupid, huh? That much inferior to you?” she stared right into his eyes, inches away from his face, in a way that made him terrified of what he had done to her. He didn’t recognize the woman in front of her.

He had completely broken her.

“The woman you’re sleeping with, Spencer. Does she at least know?”

Tears streamed down his cheeks. Everything was too confusing. Overwhelming, even. How had this happened?

“I’m-“ his own sobs interrupted him, the hope for another chance pulverizing, “I- I’m not s-sleeping with anybody, Y/N”.

Y/N reached into her pocket, pulling out her phone. “How can you expect me to believe that?”. Under the soft glow of her screen, he hadn’t realized just how tired she looked. Had she even slept in the past few weeks? He could barely remember.

Spencer pressed his palms into his eyes, trying to stop the tears.

“Pen sent me these”, her gaze was dull as she turned her phone. “Four outgoing calls to a number registered as Sandra in the past week, all of them well after we’d gone to bed”.

Spencer is a scientist. He knows it wasn’t possible, but at that moment, he could’ve sworn his heart had plummeted to his feet, yet he’d never felt his own pulse as strong as he did at that moment. His mouth went dry.

“I’m sleeping in the spare bedroom. I’ll grab my things and be gone by morning”.

Gone. That’s all Spencer hears. And it’s like his body has gone on autopilot. He takes a step forward, engulfing her between his arms, the tears leaking onto her hair.

At that point, she hated him – she truly did. He had betrayed her trust, lied to her and treated her like she was nothing. Gone, indeed, was the boy she had fallen in love with, the clumsy bookworm who was too scared to talk to her when she joined the team.

But, in his embrace, she allowed herself one last touch, the loneliness of waking up in a cold bed weighing on her. The lover in her, the romantic, wanted to stay in his arms forever. Especially when the body of the man she loved shook so violently, sputtering broken apologies and incoherent syllabled between his sobs, as he lowered himself to his knees, hugging her waist.

As he cradled her body, holding onto her as if she was the last breath he could take before drowning, she felt the need to hug his head, brushing his tears away. As she pushes his arms away, they fall to his sides in defeat, and she can’t stop herself before pressing one last kiss on his forehead.

His head tilted upwards, his eyes glossy and red, and his cheeks pale, a soft pout decorating his cherry lips. “I-I- “ he tries to understand, he tries to explain, but he only shuts his eyes in frustration as she runs her wet fingers over the lines on his forehead.

And with that, she leaves him overwhelmed and confused on the floor. He wasn’t heartbroken, though. He was certain she had taken his heart to the foreign bedroom, filled with promises of a future, and empty of memories of him.

**

She had been numb for so long that she truly believed she would be able to fall asleep tonight, but all she could do was try to listen at Spencer crying and speaking to himself. She had only seen him like that once.

With a hand against the doorknob, she was doing everything in her power not to succumb to him. Nothing about the past weeks’ walks in the park, and innocent kisses on the subway, and origami figures he had been placing on her desk meant anything anymore. Not when he was running to another woman in the nights.

If there’s one thing she had learned in her time as a woman in the bureau was to stand her ground. Her heart broke with every sob and thud of his body onto the floor, but she also knew that the man who had promised her a future, a family, and an eternity of shared experiences had turned his back onto her for a quick fuck. Just the thought of it made her sick.

“Y-Y/N” she hears the soft knocking against the door, and she feels her whole world crumble again at the thought of having to look into his eyes.  

Her fingers surround the doorknob, shaking fingers questioning their journey as she remembers, once again, what he’s done. She’s not sure she could ever stop thinking about it.

But her body knows what it wants. She can doubt and worry and try to separate herself as much as possible from the cold loneliness of the past few days, but she cannot stop herself from turning that doorknob and see him for the last time again.

“Unless you’re here t-“ she is interrupted by the movement of his hand in front of her.

“This belongs to you” he states. And that’s when she saw the blue, engraved plastic coin. “One month”.

Her face fell. “W-what?”

Spencer was adamant. He shook his head, a few strands of hair falling over his face. “You’ve made me realize that I am not a collection of the worst things I’ve done in my life; that I can be better. You taught me how to be”. The hand between them shook involuntarily as his red eyes welled up, again. “Do you remember the case in Nebraska?” she nodded, bringing a hand up to cover her mouth as he continued, “I relapsed. I-“ she gasped audibly, interrupting him. He could practically feel the pain she was feeling, and it was driving him mad. Spencer couldn’t believe he had done this to her again.

He shut his eyes forcefully before continuing. “I couldn’t believe I had let you down again, and I couldn’t trust myself again – not after how I was last time, so I got a sponsor”, he watched her face fall, putting the pieces together.

“Sandra” she whispered. “Spencer, I’m so sor-“ she reached out to touch him, to hug him, she needed to make sure he was real, but he took a step back, standing his ground.

“I know you don’t trust me, and after lying to you for the past few weeks, I know I’m not deserving of your trust. But you’ve taught me to not give up, so this is yours”.

He turned to leave when he felt her fingers around his arm, turning him and pulling him into a hug, and he crumbled like a wall around her. His arms snaked under her shoulders, burying his face in the crook of her neck, falling apart. His sobs were loud, knees weak, pulling them both to the floor.

“I’m s-so so sorry, love. I didn’t mean for this to happen, but I started spiraling and I-“ she interrupted him with a sloppy, innocent kiss. They break out of the kiss, his sobs turned to tears she was desperately trying to dry with the pads of her fingers on his face, an everlasting reminder that he wasn’t alone.

“You’ve always been deserving of my trust, Spence. I can’t believe you would think otherwise. It’s just-“she sighed, her body releasing the pain of the past weeks with a shudder and a touch. “It’s been hard lately… with us. And when Pen mentioned your calls, I realized you were drifting away, and it hurt, Spencer” she watched his eyebrows knit and his mouth twist, biting the inside of his cheek. “Of course, it hurt. But I’m always here for you. You’ve made mistakes, and I’ve certainly made my own, we are in this together, do you hear me?” her eyes pierced his own as she waited for him to respond.

“You relapsing will never be a cause for me to break up with you.” Her thumbs drew circles on his cheeks as he slowly relaxed. “I hope you know that”.

“I do”, he mumbled, shifting into her chest. He felt another apology bubbling in his throat, urging to come out.

To say Spencer’s life was difficult would be an understatement. Like many around him, he had shoved his feelings away and underground, ignoring them. To him, they were a nuisance – a bigger handicap than any other circumstance in his life. And throughout the years he had done everything in his power to rise to the occasion – to beat the odds: as a child of divorce and an unstable household, with the IQ of a genius, he had quickly learned from his extensive research that the chances of him being successful were slim.

In his many years of trying to seem enough, he forgot he had to believe it, too.

But what a waste – to make yourself feel nothing so as to not feel anything.

***

i haven't posted in six months and i'm feeling hella weird about this one. is it great? is it horrible? let me know here <3

//tags aren't working for some reason?? tumblr truly is the worst

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