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levisgirll · 3 years ago

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Hello! Can you please do a Levi headcanon/scenario where he hurts his crush's feelings and makes her cry but later regrets it and tries to apologise to her? Thanks!

𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨 (𝙇𝙚𝙫𝙞 𝘼𝙘𝙠𝙚𝙧𝙢𝙖𝙣 𝙭 𝙁𝙚𝙢!𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧)

➡text: Hello there!! And omg of course I would be happy to write this out 🥺 the fact that to see levi apologize or own up to his mistakes is something that I would like to even write about- so thank you for this request! I hope you love it anon ♥ (incoming some fluff and you wont regret it!)

synopsis: it was a long tiring day and with under pressure levi ackerman had, he accidently said something to y/n (his crush!) which hurt her feelings. levi feels terrible and to make it up for it, made y/n realize that levi and her might share the same feelings for each other.

fluff, angst, aot world, imagine fanfiction ♡ —

It was a long stressful day at the Survey crops headquarters building, and Captain Levi was assigned with many paper work to get done with.

The last expedition made Levi worry quite a lot for Y/N and her safety. Sure she was skilled, and a fast thinker but that still did not stop Levi from worrying about her. It was because he was the captain he had to worry about his squad....right?

But after Y/N getting hurt on the last expedition because she is kind of ‘reckless’ to what Levi thinks and used as an excuse, his heart sank and he then realized not only did he care about her too much, but he also developed feelings for her and with time it grew. Just her presence, the way she was, caring, friendly, confident, her natural beauty and a badass made him fall for her more.

But ever since on that day, he blamed himself for her getting injured because she was on his squad team.

The upcoming expedition was next month and he was becoming even more stressed and load with paperwork because it was a bigger mission this time they never had. Y/N obviously noticed that so after having a chat with Hanji she went by to his office and entered inside. They become more comfortable with each other so she was pleased to enter his office whenever she wanted to.

“Hi Levi, how are you?” she said with a bright smile, trying to light up the mood that was surrounding in his office.

“What do you think sherlock?” He spoke in a sarcastic tone and then let out a deep sigh. “O-Oh, Um I was wondering if you would like some help with the paperwork? I am free the whole day.” Her kind gestures always somehow warmed his heart, he liked the fact how in her free time she would always visit Levi and try her best to help him. But tonight was different, it was too much pressure loaded on him, he was not thinking straight.

He didn't respond to her offer and instead he got up from his seat behind the desk and gave her a piece of paper. “Read.” Was what he only said.

You took the paper from him and noticed....you were removed him Levi’s squad! “W-What....why.” You said so quietly but it had a very unhappy tone.

“You know why. You are too reckless, and I don't want that in my squad.” He lied and looked away, it was not because of your recklessness and never was because you were brave and perceptive. But in fact, it was because he wanted to keep you safe and away from harm because this time his squad was placed on the front and he moved you all the way on the back where it was safer. He does not want to lose you.

“I-I don't understand Levi...I though you trusted me-”

“Yea I don't trust you, and I clearly don't have time for you either.” You couldn't believe what he was saying to you, this behavior was out of nowhere and it made absolutely no sense! But, he was your source of motivation and inspiration and when he said that to you, it shattered your heart to pieces. You thought he had faith and trust in you and that's why he added you to his squad, you thought....you were important to him. Well, was important.

“Levi, please this makes no sense. At least explain to me why!” You yelled out, demanding an explanation for what the hell was evening going on.

“Don't argue with me.” He now gave you one of his hateful glares, and you know in a million years you would never be getting that from him, you were completely taken aback now. “Leave now! That’s an order L/N”.

You eyes were widen now, and your eyes were slowly starting to tear up. These words, completely damaged you and your feelings, he even called you by your last name which he never does. You never felt so hurt and your stomach sank which left you static and....heartbroken. Hearing this is a ego-killer for you. The paper you held slowly fell off from your hand, and you brought your hand up to cover your eyes and started to softly sob.

He noticed that quickly, and he wanted to come and comfort you but before he could do that you stormed off, slamming his door, y/n never wanting to see his face again.

Levi took a moment to process everything and then realized he had actually messed up everything. Both of you were so close and the bond and moments you both shared, Levi cherished that deeply. But, he ruined everything, shattered the bond, and now actually ironically losing you. He clenched his fist and closed his eyes tightly, “Fuck...The fuck is wrong with me?! Why am I so damn emotional.” And it was a fact, he was that when he bottled everything up and then let out his steam saying some bullshit.

It was days, and he didn’t even see or hear about Y/N. He did not get any sleep, staying up, overthinking his stupid mistake and regretting this all. His gilt, anger towards himself and grief started to grow by each day, hating himself how he hurt the person he had a crush on and someone he adored a lot which then lead to him thinking how to come to you with his true and deepest apology.

He tried to catch any chance to get you whenever you are alone and say apologize, but whenever he saw you, you would just jolt and try to run away and leave the place.

He then noticed from Hanji and the other scouts such as Armin and Mikasa that you were clearly avoiding Levi. He caught you by chance one evening as you were sitting down in the mass hall eating your sandwich alone so cutely and he just missed seeing that sight whenever you both had breaks and he would watch you eat cheerfully but....you were so down, that spirt was gone.

He was approaching you, and you then noticed that and felt your stomach sink, ‘Is he coming to me? Wait...he is, it’s only me here!’ You thought in your mind, panicking and not knowing what to do.

”Good evening.” He uttered, but you noticed there was some nervousness in that tone.

You did not look up at him and you left your sandwich that was half eaten on the plate, and got up. You lost your appetite, and you proceed to leave the mass hall, but you stopped in your steps when you heard Levi yell out. “No...d-don’t go. Please just stay for a bit.” The way he said it, was under such pain and he it sounded as if he was begging you. He really struggled doing this, but he would do it regardless if it was just to speak to you again for a bit.

He caught up to you, and took your wrist while his thumb was caressing your skin. You were still looking down, not wanting to see his face because you knew if you did now, you would tear up again.

“Can we talk please?” He said really quietly, and if the mass hall was not empty you wouldn't be able to grasp what he had said. Levi was clearly tensed and not sure if what he was doing is right, he never done this before, apologizing and talking about his feelings. But he would only, and only do this for the person he loved. Y/N.

“What do you want?” it came out more coldly then you expected and that made him hesitate. He remembered the image of your expression and you sobbing that day and it is still graved in his mind. He cant seem to get it out his head and he wanted to hear your forgiveness so it could go away.

“I fucked up, I know. But fuck, I...miss you.” He finally said, in a nervous and stuttering tone. He now moved his hand from your wrist to your soft and cold hands, and you could feel his warmth, warming your hand.

He brought up his other free hand and placed his palm on his forehead. Clearly this was hard for him and he felt such a jerk and an idiot cause all his words is now gone and he wasn’t sure how to say how apologetic he was and how you meant the world to him really.

But he know thought, How could he do this to someone who regularly checked on him, cared for him and also actually saw him as a normal person unlike the other scouts who thought he was heartless and just labeled as ‘strongest solider’. Y/N was the only who truly cared for his wellbeing and he admired that a lot. “Hey....I’m sorry. Everything I said wasn’t right. T-To be honest it was your bravery that made me fall for you...and care a lot more about you. So, please tell me What should I do to make it up for you?”

This caused you to finally look up to him and staring at his grey eyes, and after such a long time you were able to see his face clearly and close up which never fails to make your heart skip a beat. You stared at him for quite awhile, kind of surprised to what he said and the fact he was holding your hand meant a lot. But Levi took this as you still not wanting to talk to him, he wanted to say more and better things but he was quite bad formulating any more cause it him nervous and afraid to say something else to upset you further. He really did care about your feelings. “I won’t go....till I hear your answer. I waited long enough.”

You spoke, and after a long time hearing your voice this nearly made him tear up and that was because you were a big part of his life. “I can’t stay mad at you forever, so I forgive you. But, you hurted me and I cant forget that easily. But for now, Just....hold me.” You went near him and now placed both of your hands on his chest. He did not waste any second and pulled you in for a hug. It was probably his first time hugging you like this and he never knew it would make him have this fuzzy and sweet feeling like this. Of course, he would hold on to your waist, arm and shoulders sometimes during battle or when you needed some support to get up and move. But this was different, and he questioned himself how he never considered that.

Y/N and Levi both finally made up with each other, and he was really grateful for that and even the fact you forgave someone like Levi, he felt really lucky.

Of course, it will take some time for you to accept his apology, but he wont give up just yet and he really makes an effort everyday, you guys took it slow and he is more than willing to wait for you ♥

As, regret and remorse can lead a person to feel sorrow, this can cause a sense of sorrow for hurting someone such as Levi’s crush, and even though it was bad, this lead to him finally confessing and saying his true apology if it weren’t for this. Time is a healing process after all.

Once you finally sat down with Levi and talked back (after the countless times he tried to initiate a conversation or start something such as cleaning together but never got much a reaction from you) and had a small conversation with him asking how was his day. This melted his heart and he actually felt really happy inside that you finally started to speak to him. He missed your company, your sweet voice, and....that smile.

You surprised him further when you gave him tea (because he gave you so many things to somehow make you smile) and his eyes lit up, Levi never felt so happy in the last few weeks. Then he knew, that you. y/n, was his light and source of happiness. He drank the tea slowly cherishing it.

wow okay this was kind of emotional then I excepted it to be, but I honestly see a scenario like this happening where levi struggles and tries his best to own up his mistake and apologize and he would only be like this if it was to his crush and someone he loved cause this man gets nervous <3 so please y/n, give him some more hugs, he might not seem to ask for any but he is deeply inside craving for it. It’s his best comfort as it is coming from you! Anyways, please leave a like or a reblog if you enjoyed this and I hope you liked this anon 💖

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itsjackieyoung · 3 years ago

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introducing: jackie marie young

hiya, all! im allie! im 25 and from the cst timezone. i use she/her pronouns and jackie already 100% owns my ass. feel free to reach out to me on d.iscord for any and all plots!!! cant wait to write with you!

possible tw: infidelity

connections found here

( maude apatow, cis female, she/her, oc ) oh snap! is that JACKIE YOUNG? they work over at high volume where some of the other employees have labeled them as THE MAGNET. that’s probably because they can be a bit ( alluring. ) but also pretty ( brazen. ) they’re 24 and they’ve been living in woodstock for TEN YEARS. it must be their shift because i totally hear THE CRANBERRIES blasting from the record store. ( aesthetics: heart shaped sunglasses, a tote bag full of books and random knick knacks, red lipstick, bright smiles and loud laughter, a carefully planned out surprise party for friends, pens with a fuzzy purple cap, secondhand sweaters from goodwill or past lovers–you could never really tell which )

BASICS

NAME: jackie marie young

BIRTHDATE: march 17, 1977

HOMETOWN: essex, ct

CURRENT TOWN: woodstock, il

GENDER: cis female ( she/her )

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual

HEIGHT: 5'4"

HAIR COLOR: Brown

EYE COLOR: Brown

IDENTIFYING MARKS: a constellation of freckles on her back that kind of resemble florida, a tattoo of bunch of wildflowers and lavender on the back of her arm, ears pierced,

AESTHETICS: heart shaped sunglasses, a tote bag full of books and random knick knacks, red lipstick, bright smiles and loud laughter, a carefully planned out surprise party for friends, pens with a fuzzy purple cap, secondhand sweaters from goodwill or past lovers–you could never really tell which

FAMILY

FATHER: andrew young

MOTHER: ella young

SIBLINGS: mitchell young, grace young, eli young (half sibling)

ABOUT

jackie young always radiated light and warmth. even in the worst circumstances, the girl always finds a way to find the good or to make the situation better. maybe it was the way she would alter the situation in her head to make things better. even from a small age, jackie was a storyteller. she preferred to be the narrator, draped in beautiful words and rather than the girl playing dress up in shimmering dresses.

the only thing to ever really turn her world upside down happened a few nights after her fourteenth birthday. news breaking that she had a half sibling--eli. he was the byproduct of her father’s many business trips that took place in woodstock, il. not long after the news broke and after many, many arguments, the young family’s small home was now cluttered with boxes and a moving truck was out in their driveway. they packed up their belongings and moved to none other than woodstock, il to get to know eli.

before working at high volume, jackie was mainly focused on her college courses. when the money she had saved up babysitting and doing other small tasks started running thin, the girl knew she needed a job and fast. she thought of the record shop she loved exploring when she first got here. she remembered the feeling she had first stepping foot into the building and wanted nothing more than to give that to someone else.

CONNECTIONS

childhood friends: friends jackie grew up with. people she went to high school with. she moved here when she was fourteen so any friendships during that time!

her sibling’s friends: she has an older brother and younger sister as well as her half sibling! they’re all two years apart, but her half sibling is only a few months apart of her!

sibling like friends; they bicker, argue, and love like siblings

coworkers; pretty self explanatory! ones that get along with her and im sure there’s at least one person she works with and gets on their nerves.

classmates: people she currently has some classes with or had classes with previously. maybe they help each other with different assignments or even somewhat tutor each other or one.

roommate: probably in just a cute little 2 bedroom apartment!

unlikely friends

exes/past romantic things

current romantic or romantic-ish things

honestly, she probably hosts a book club like an old lady if anyone were interested in that!

literally anything! im all ears!

#volumeintro

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illfoandillfie · 4 years ago

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A Different Kind of Education: V Is For Vanilla (Chapter 1)

Pairing: Professor!Roger Taylor x Fem!Reader

Summery: After being broken up with for not being kinky enough, Reader seeks out her professor to give her some private tutoring so she can win her boyfriend back.

Warnings: Modern AU, smut (18+), slow burn romance, light dom/sub dynamics, light dom!roger and sub!reader, professor x student sex, protected sex, vaginal fingering, light breast/nipple play, nipple sucking, light biting, i think thats it, honestly this chapter is (as the title says) pretty vanilla. But things will get more intense in later chapters.

Words: 7,128

A/N: ahhhhhh it’s finally here. This professor Rog idea has been kicking around my head for months now and finally I’m actually doing something about it lmao

This series is going to be LONG (like in my plan it’s 15 chapters) because I have So Many kinks I want to squeeze into it. Some were chosen by me and some were chosen by everyone who voted in the poll I put up a few weeks ago and i am seriously so excited about what’s coming.

Smut scenes in this and all future chapters will be marked with stars so that if there is a kink you’d like to avoid you can skip over it and still enjoy the rest of the series.

Also, I know the chapter title doesn’t super make sense since he’s a university bio sciences professor which doesn’t have a lot to do with the alphabet but 🤷‍♀️ that was the working chapter title and it kind of stuck. Plus, ya’ll know I love chapter titles that have a theme lmao. Anyway, no more stalling. Enjoy the filth and start preparing yourselves for it to get so much filthier.

(the ultimate hot professor rog moment tbh)

@atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @ilovequeenmorethanyou @johndeaconshands @borhapbois @stardust-galaxies @cherries-n-rocknroll @rogersslave @scorpiogemini

His office door was open when you got there which didn’t give you much time to hesitate or rethink your decision to ask your Professor for help. He would have seen you approaching or stalling in the doorway and invited you in anyway to query you about your reasons for being there. So, instead, you raised your fist and rapped a pattern on the door frame with your knuckles. “Professor Taylor? Can I have a word?” “Miss Y/L/N,” he seemed surprised to see you, his eyes widening behind his spectacles, “come in. What can I help you with?” You closed the door behind you and took a seat, fidgeting with your fingers as you tried to remember how you’d planned to broach the subject. Professor Taylor – Roger, as you’d been told you could call him – waited patiently. “It’s tricky, Professor. Umm, see, well um,” “Is this something to do with the coursework? If you’re worried about the last assignment, you don’t need to be. It was really good, what you handed in.” “Really?” “Mmhmm. I was going to give you all feedback next week but if it’ll help put your mind at ease I can show you the comments I have for you early,” You were half a second away from asking to see them when you remembered that wasn’t what you’d come to ask about, “A-actually that’s okay Professor.” “Oh? So was it something else you wanted? I know that this Masters course is more work than previous classes you’ve had with me but you seem to be keeping on top of it all. I’m very impressed by what you’ve accomplished so far.” “Thank you Professor, but, um, that’s not really what I’m here about,” “No?” He leaned forward resting his chin on his hands, “You know, there’s no need to be nervous about talking to me, I’m not going to fail you,” he chuckled as he sat up straight again, clearly trying to lighten the mood though his expression became more serious as he said, “if you’re having trouble with something, or someone, please tell me and I will do what I can to help, whether it’s pointing you in the direction of someone more able to support you or talking to people on your behalf.” You nodded, feeling marginally calmer though still nervous, “I was actually hoping for some private tutoring,” “Oh? Well if you’d like to put your name down as a tutor I have a form here somewhere, if you fill it out I can pass it on and have your name added to the database,” Roger rifled through a stack of papers on his desk, only stopping when you spoke again. “No, not, uh, not tutoring work. I more meant tutoring from you. In an area that this Uni doesn’t provide classes in,” “Miss Y/L/N I’m going to have to ask you to explain because I’m not quite sure what you’re after,” You took a breath and resisted the urge to speak to the floor, “My boyfriend dumped me last week.” “I’m sorry to hear that but I don’t see how-” “He dumped me because apparently I’m not kinky enough. I don’t know, he always wanted me to be super obedient in the bedroom but I never really understood it.” Roger shifted in his seat, “Miss Y/L/N I don’t think this is app-” “I want someone to explain it all to me, teach me how to be what he wants so I can get him back. If I can show him that I can learn, that I can submit in the way he expects, then we won’t have to break up. I love him and I’d do anything to get him back and I’ve been thinking about it and I think you’re the best person to teach me.” “I’m not sure I understand why you would come to me with this. I am very sorry to hear you’re dealing with that but it’s not really appropriate for me to be discussing such matters with my student.” “Just…” you held your hand up to try and stop him from standing and opening the door for you, “You must realise that you have a, um, a reputation.” Roger was taken aback by that, throwing you a confused expression as he settled back into his seat. “Surely you’ve heard the rumours about you. About what you like to get up to with women.” “I can assure you I haven’t,” “Seriously? Everyone talks about it. I mean part of it is probably just because you’ve got that whole DILF thing working for you so like half the students here have crushes on you. But then you throw in the gossip about how you like to tie women up and all the rest of it,” Roger closed his eyes as if he couldn’t quite keep up with everything you’d just said, “How- I mean, those rumours have no bearing on- on anything and they aren’t even- what I mean to say is-” “Professor, it’s okay. It’s just gossip, nothing serious in it. But if you do like that sort of thing, I could really use your help. I won’t tell anyone, all I want is my boyfriend back,” Roger pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, “This is insane, what you’re asking is insane.” “No it’s not,” “Okay, lets, Miss Y/L/N, just for a moment, let’s imagine that, hypothetically, I say yes to this. What then?” “Well, I’d expect we’d meet up once or twice a week, you’d teach me the basics of kink, anything you thought I should know. Then in four months’ time I can talk to Dylan and show him what I’ve learnt and he’ll take me back.” “Why four months?” “Oh, we’re pretty much guaranteed to see each other then. Two of our mutual friends are getting married and we’ll both be at the wedding. So will you do it?” “Miss Y/L/N, I don’t know that this is a good idea,” “Why not?” “Well our ages for one thing,” “So what? You’re mature and experienced and that’s what I need. Plus, surely having someone half your age throw herself at you is a bonus.” He smiled slightly, “All the same, it’s wrong. I’m your teacher.” “Exactly, who better to teach me?” “The ethics of this- and the rules of this university. If anyone found out I’d lose my job, you’d lose your place at this school so you wouldn’t get to complete your degree. Not to mention I’m sure you have family and friends who would chop my bollocks off before they ran me out of town.” “It’s not like I’m underage, I’m doing a bloody Masters. And no one would find out. We can meet in secret.” “It’s still so risky, Ms Y/L/N,” “Look, Professor, I wouldn’t tell anyone, you won’t tell anyone. As long as we’re careful about when and where we meet no one will find out. Please, Professor. I need this,” you thought you could see his resolve cracking but decided to give him a final push, “But if you really don’t want to then I’ll find someone else. I’m sure I can meet someone online. Fetlife? That’s a website for this kind of thing, right?” “Fine, I’ll do it.” He said suddenly, “But we do it my way. And certainly not on campus.” “Okay,” “Are you free tonight?” “You wanna get right into it?” “I want to discuss this further, off campus, to set some ground rules, and I think we’ll both be more comfortable discussing it over dinner.” “Dinner? Like a date?” “A business deal. Miss Y/L/N, if you can’t take this seriously,” “I can, I promise. Dinner where?” “Well, public places are out of the question. So you can come over to my house. Be there by Seven and make sure no one knows. Here’s the address,” “Thank you Professor,” Roger grunted as he scrawled his address on a scrap of paper, holding it out to you, “Go, out of my office before I come to my senses,” You nodded and scurried off, taking heart from the bemused tone behind his snippy words. In a matter of a few short months you’d be able to put this breakup behind you and show Dylan just how much he meant to you.

A few minutes before seven o’clock you rang Roger’s door bell, looking around at the long driveway and the tidy garden beds at the front of the house as you waited. He opened the door quickly and hurried you inside glancing around the front yard as if someone were spying on him. “I brought wine,” you said, holding the bottle out, “You’ve got a nice place,” “You sound surprised,” he said as he took your jacket from you and hung it on a coat rack to the side of the entrance before taking the wine with a gracious nod and examining the label, “Y’know being a university professor doesn’t actually pay too badly.” “Yeah but this place is massive,” He chucked, “I inherited a little from my Nan and Pop and then there was the album. That was enough to buy this place.” “Album?” “Oh, I was in a band in my youth, one mildly successful album and a couple of writing credits on the singles set me up nicely. Not nicely enough to retire on but still.” He shrugged as he led you through his sizeable house, up a set of stairs and towards the back balcony, “Plus, this place didn’t seem so big when I was sharing it with my ex-wife and our kids. Uhh, but that’s not what we’re here to discuss. Now, make yourself comfortable out here and I’ll just go check on the food.” You nodded, still trying to wrap your head around the sheer number of rooms and hallways you’d passed as well as the fact that your old Biology professor had once been in a band. It was hard considering you’d only ever seen him presenting lectures to an audience of tired and often hungover students but you supposed he did have a kind of magnetism that would have been at home on a stage. Still, you’d have liked to see pictures.

Roger returned a few moments later with two plates of food, a couple of wine glasses tucked in the crook of his arm. You quickly reached to relieve him of something, before one of the glasses could shatter and put an end to all your plans. Though perhaps a broken glass would have helped break the ice. It wasn’t the most comfortable dinner you ever had. You found it hard to swallow, hard to sit still, torn between wanting to jump right to the main topic and wanting to let Roger bring it up in his own time. The last thing you wanted was to come across as just trying to get a leg over the hottest professor on campus as if for a dare or a joke. Him retracting his agreement was a very close second last. Instead, you gulped down your drink and tried to focus on the reasonably nice meal Roger had prepared for you. Finally, after watching you top up your glass for the third time, he put you out of your misery. “Why me?” “What?” “Why did you approach me with this idea of…tutoring?” “Like I said before, the rumours abo-” “Okay but there must have been something beyond that. There could have been rumours about any staff member. If the school gossip had said Professor Richardson had a sex dungeon where he tied up women and spanked them, would you have approached him?” “So you have heard the rumours,” “Of course I have. Answer the question,” You stalled by taking another drink, though only a sip that time, “No, I wouldn’t have.” “So, why me?” “You’re hot?” Roger gave you a look you’d seen in the classroom – his stop fucking around look, usually reserved for first years who still treated dissection and cadavers as a joke. You shrugged, “You’re one of the best teachers I ever had. You always said we could come to you with any problems we were having and whenever I took you up on that offer to go over the coursework you were encouraging and supportive and knew how to push me in the right direction without giving me all the answers. I guess I felt like I could trust you. Like you’d take me seriously or at least hear me out before shutting the door in my face. And if the rumours happened to be false then you seemed like the sort of person who wouldn’t be offended by them or my proposition.” Roger smiled to himself, but it was only for a few brief seconds and then his professional demeanour was back in place, “Alright, well, I’m listening now so why don’t you tell me about this ex and the sort of things he requested of you. And then I’ll decide whether to kick you off my property or not.” There was a twinkle in his eye that told you he wasn’t serious about throwing you out, but it didn’t stop you from feeling timid about the conversation, “Umm, okay. His name is Dylan. We were both in your Bachelor bio class, that’s how we met. Or kind of. We were aware of each other but went to different parties and hung out with different people. It wasn’t until last year that we actually met and got chatting and started seeing each other. I thought it was the real thing, like proper love, soulmate stuff. So when he broke up with me it took me completely by surprise. Everything felt perfect with him. Except for the sex.” You paused, feeling a little self-conscious about speaking so frankly about your personal life, and with your professor no less. Roger removed his spectacles and wiped them on the bottom of his shirt, “Ms Y/L/N, you’re going to have to be able to talk about sex with me if you actually want this to work.” “The sex was fucking great okay? Especially at the start. But the longer we went out the more he pushed for me to be submissive to him. He’d joke around about wanting to fuck me while I was asleep or mostly asleep, and he’d dirty talk by calling me his toy or saying that he owned me or sometimes about pimping me out to his friends. I indulged some of his ideas like when he wanted to be especially rough with me, pushing my head down into the mattress, pulling my hair, slapping me, things like that. And it was fun, but I never enjoyed it the same way he did and whenever he brought up the sleep stuff or if he tried to bend me over while I was cooking dinner I always stopped him. He’d laugh about it and say he was just joking but I guess he meant it more than I thought he did.” Roger remained quiet, watching you thoughtfully until he was sure you were finished, “If we did this what limits would you want in place?” “None. I want to be the perfect submissive for Dylan, I want to prove I can be whatever he wants.” Roger shook his head and put down his glass, “What was it you told Dylan when he suggested using you while you were in the middle of something or if he brought up the sleep stuff?” “I just told him no, I wasn’t into it or I was busy.” “Then that’s a limit. If you don’t want to do those things, that’s okay. Everyone has limits.” “But that’s the point. I need to learn how to be into those things so he’ll have me back. My limits are what made him leave.” Roger exhaled heavily though his nose, “Okay then, is there anything you would consider a turn off?” “I don’t know,” “Well I don’t believe that. I’m sure you have at least some idea of what you like and what you don’t.” “Yeah I guess I do but if I’m the submissive one then it doesn’t matter what I want. This is about Dylan and doing what he wants.” “Personally, I’m not big into feet stuff – toe sucking, foot jobs, anything like that – it just doesn’t appeal to me, whether I’m acting more dominant or more submissive, and I’ve made sure to tell every one of the women I’ve been with who hinted that they’d be into doing that kind of thing. A lot of women, in my experience at least, don’t like anal or things like knife play or scenes that feel violent or menacing.” He paused, watching your reactions, “From what you’ve just told me, it sounds like Dylan might be into free use and consensual non-consent so if either of those things sound like a turn off to you, you should let me know. Dylan will have limits of what he’s comfortable with and comfortable doing to others, I guarantee it. You need to make your limits known too. It’s all part of being in a D/S relationship and playing with any kind of BDSM type kink. The main rule we follow is safe, sane and consensual, and believe me, I will make sure we follow it during our lessons. So, is there anything you would consider a turn off or anything you wouldn’t want to do, even for Dylan?” “Can I think about it and get back to you?” “I suppose so. If it helps I can give you an idea of things I could teach you and you can tell me if any of them don’t feel right.” “Yeah, I think that would help,” “Alright umm, obviously because this is about what Dylan likes we should address consensual non-consent and free use at some point, but they would come later. Somnophilia too. I’d probably start with something easier or more common anyway. Spanking is nearly guaranteed, basic bondage methods – cuffs, ropes, that sort of thing – maybe some more extreme bondage too depending on how much you enjoyed the basic bondage. Ummm, choking, maybe some gags, tease and denial for sure. Any of that sounding too scary or intimidating or just not fun?” “They all sound okay I think, although some of them I haven’t heard of before.” “It’s a start at least. Of course, I would begin with the smaller kinks and work our way up to the more intense ones, and hopefully by that point we’ll both be more familiar with your limits and what you are interested in taking further.” “So, does that mean your agreeing to tutor me?” “I can definitely work with this.” “You mean it?” “Yes. Apparently I do.” He trailed his gaze over you for a moment, “How would you feel if I suggested we move this to the bedroom?” Your heart skipped a beat and you hoped your shock hadn’t shown on your face, “You want to start now?” “Sort of. What do we do at the beginning of a science experiment?” “Measure a control group,” “Exactly, you do a control before you mess with variables so you have something to measure them against. In this case, I think we’ll be able to tailor kinks to you better if I have some idea of what you enjoy during sex and what it takes to get you off. Is that okay?” “Yeah, of course, yeah. Makes sense.” “If you want to wait a couple of days we can,” “No, now’s as good a time as any. And the sooner we get into it all the better really.” Roger chuckled and stood, holding out his hand to help you out of your seat, “You’ve always been an enthusiastic student.”

Leaving your plates and glasses on the balcony table, Roger led you towards his bedroom. You wished you’d had a little more to drink, just to dull the sudden wave of nerves that had risen up. You were about to fuck a professor. Professor Taylor. It was a bizarre scenario you’d got yourself into and in an effort to distract yourself a little and calm down, you focused on his bedroom wall as he busied about closing curtains, eyes trained on a framed watercolour of a lake under some cherry blossom trees. “You like it?” “Huh? Oh, yeah, it’s pretty,” “I got that while I was in Japan a few years ago.” You nodded, not sure what to say next. “Are you okay?” You turned and found Roger much closer than he had been a moment before. “Are you sure you want to do this?” “Yes, sorry, just a bit nervous I guess. Feels kind of odd now that I’m actually here. If I’m being honest, I didn’t really expect you to agree to this.” “I did tell you your idea was insane. But that’s okay,” he slowly reached forward, his hand settling on your hip and gently tugging, encouraging you to step in closer, “It’s kind of weird for me too. So, we’ll go slow. And if you want to stop at any time we can.” You nodded, eyes glued to Roger, and let your tongue wet your lips. His eyes followed the movement, “Does that mean you want to kiss me?” There was a playfulness to his voice, teasing almost, and you found yourself relaxing and agreeing that you did. And for the first time you realised just what it meant for those rumours to be true. “So then kiss me.”

******

A kiss you could do. Pushing aside the realisation that this was your first kiss since Dylan left, you leaned in and pressed your lips to Roger’s, though you pulled away quickly. Roger didn’t say anything, just waited, lips lightly parted. Your heart was racing with excitement and uncertainty, but you wanted more. He welcomed your lips the second time they met his, his hand gripping your hip harder now that he was certain you were going to stay. It was almost needy the way he kissed back, something you’d not have expected from your Professor. His nose bumped yours and yet he didn’t seem to care, leaning further into you, his tongue tickling your lip seconds before you felt it slide against your own tongue. Familiar but entirely different from the kisses you were used to. His hands didn’t move like Dylan’s did, not grabbing but gently squeezing, reassuringly firm. His leg was suddenly between yours and you took a step back in surprise. Roger followed so you took another and another until you felt the edge of the bed behind you. Dylan and your nerves almost entirely forgotten, you reached for Roger’s belt. He let you unbuckle it and pull it loose before he grabbed the hem of your shirt and lifted it over your head, kissing you between looks heavy with desire. He broke away for a moment and toed off his shoes, bending to take his socks off too, “So, is there anything you particularly like, any positions?” You copied his movements, kicking your own shoes just under the bed, “Not really. I can work with whatever.” “Stop trying to please me and tell me what you like Ms Y/L/N,” he said, reaching for your hips again so he could push your jeans down. “I mean I guess I like being on top, riding, whatever you want to call it.,” you quickly unhooked your bra and let it drop to the floor, “But Dylan tended to like me under him.” “New rule,” Roger said, kicking his own pants off his ankle as you tugged his shirt from his shoulders, “No talking about your ex when we’re this close to being naked. Okay?” “Yeah, sorry, good rule.” “Y’know I could have taken your bra off too,” “Faster this way,” “I’ll let you have it this time. But next time I unwrap you myself.” You shivered at the implications of the statement as Roger resumed the kiss and pressed you backwards onto the mattress, quickly climbing on top of you, his hands braced on each side of your head as he leaned down to kiss you once more, hungrily.

He didn’t stay there long though. A few seconds later he’d shimmied down your body, creating a trail of kiss warmed skin, until his face was positioned directly above your breasts. You raised your head and watched enraptured as he his eyes met yours, the hint of a mischievous grin lighting up his face, and then he lowered his lips to the top of your left breast. You let your head drop back to the bed and ached your back a little, pushing your chest towards him. “Yeah, you like that?” he asked, voice rougher than you’d ever heard it before, “what if I do this?” slowly he let his teeth sink into you, just for a second. It was enough to pull a small hum of appreciation from you so he repeated the action on your right breast. “Feels good?” “Yeah,” you breathed out, softly. “Yeah?” he asked, pushing himself up so he was straddling your waist, “What about this?” You felt his warm breath surround your nipple before you felt his tongue lap against it or his lips enclose it, letting your eyes slip shut as you drew your lip between your teeth. He seemed to appreciate the response and made sure to repeat the action a few times against each nipple, sucking on one as his gently flicked the other with his thumb. You tingled at the sensation of his warm saliva cooling and gently squeezed your legs together. “Don’t be shy,” he said, sitting up again and laying a hand over each of your breasts, “I can tell you enjoy it when I play with your tits,” You pulled in a shaky breath as he squeezed your breasts, “Mmhmm, yeah,” “Do you want some more?” “Yes, Professor,” He made a short clicking sound with his tongue, “I think we’re past Professor by now, you can call me Roger. And you can tell me what you want,” “I want more,” “More what?” You hummed again at the feeling of him massaging your boobs. “More what? Should I keep sucking on your perky fucking tits? Jesus they’re so fucking soft,” he cleared his throat and shook his head a little, “Or, should I give some other part a bit of attention? Your pussy’s probably feeling a bit left out, huh?” You’d expected him to boss you around, make demands, and you’d expected a bit of dirty talk (the kind where he’d tell you how sexy you looked or that he couldn’t wait to fuck you). But the reality surpassed everything you’d considered likely. You certainly hadn’t expected to get wet just from his tone and his words. And you definitely hadn’t expected to be doing what he asked, agreeing with everything he said. But that’s exactly what was happening, and it felt good. “Please touch my pussy.” “It would be my pleasure,” he smiled softly as he climbed off of your waist and pulled your underwear down, “and yours.”

The change of position gave you a moment to catch your breath but also to take in Roger’s appearance properly. You had to admit you liked what you saw. Of course, you already knew he was attractive. More than once you’d found yourself distracted in class, mind on what a cute bum he had or how shapely his hands were or else on his fluffy hair, light blonde but with streaks of grey blended throughout. He was the epitome of the hot teacher really, especially with his gravelly voice and the youthful sparkle of his eyes, magnified by his usual pair of glasses. What you hadn’t seen before, and what you were revelling in now, was his naked torso. There were muscles in his arms, not Hollywood style bulging biceps and you’d certainly never have noticed them under the sleeves of his work shirts, but they were revealed as he shifted his position and you had the sudden urge to reach out and squeeze them. A light fuzz of hair covered his chest, though it was so light it was barely visible, and a marginally thicker thatch of it trailed down into his underwear. And in between was his stomach, the years of fatherhood evidenced by how it softly protruded out over the hem of his underwear. Once, a few years ago, someone had found a photo of Professor Taylor taken in the 90s when he was twenty-something and, thanks to the university meme facebook page and a few students with near influencer levels of followers, just about the whole school had seen it and had wet dreams about it. He’d been stick thin then, eyes ringed by dark grungy eyeliner, long messy hair falling about his face, and his plaid shirt unbuttoned. The Roger settling beside you now was miles away from that boy but you liked his current look, from his shorter hair to his rounder body, though he seemed to have the same skinny legs. “What are you thinking about?” he asked as he propped himself up on his elbow to look you over. “This is…better than I thought it would be,” “Thanks for the vote of confidence,” “No, that’s not what I meant. I don’t know, I just...I could never picture it before, actually being with you. But you’ve made it feel easy and, well not normal, but y’know, not too strange either.” “So you’ve been liking it so far?” “Mmhmm, it’s felt really good,” “Good, that’s what I want to hear. But,” your breath hitched as you felt his fingers stroke between your legs, “experiments not done yet.” He watched his hand as it moved, his fingers sliding between your lips, spreading the wetness that had begun to pool with his earlier attentions. Each shift of his fingers pulled soft sighs and small ohs from you as the pleasure began to slowly build and you pulled him down into another kiss, wanting to feel him closer. He eased the first finger into you gradually, whispering questions about how it felt and if you were ready for more. You’d have expected his constant quizzing to be annoying but he peppered them between comments about making you feel good and dirty talk about getting you ready for his cock as he pulled your hand over to his crotch to give him some small relief. And somehow everything just seemed to turn you on more, his obvious desire to make sure you were comfortable included. You barely registered when he added the second finger, pumping both into you rhythmically as he delicately sucked at your pulse point, though you knew the third was coming, a response to your pleas for more. You’d meant his dick really, ready to move things along but he’d been adamant about making sure you were properly stretched out, not relenting until he’d fit four fingers inside you. “Fo-four?” you whimpered as he pressed the last one into you, “Three not enough?” “Just to be on the safe side. My cock is about average length but its girthy,” “I – oh Roger – It feels huge to me,” “Please, I’m 46, I know it’s not the biggest thing in the world. But I also know it doesn’t need to be to fuck you so right.” You weren’t sure how to reply though he didn’t give you many options, jerking his fingers inside you and making you moan. “I know there are nerves involved which can impact how wet you get and I don’t want to do anything that would cause you pain or discomfort, so I’m going to finger you until I’m ready to stop. You can beg all you want but I won’t fuck you until I decide you can handle it.” Even that was hot though you weren’t exactly sure why, but whatever it was you found yourself nodding in agreement, staring at him through eyes half lidded with pleasure.

When Roger was satisfied that you were ready for more than his fingers, he pulled them from you and got to his knees, shuffling around to rummage through his bedside cabinet. A moment later you realised why as he kicked off his underwear and tore open a condom. You watched as he rolled it down his shaft, noting he’d described himself quite accurately. “Sorry,” he said as he caught your eye, “did you want to do that?” “No, that’s okay,” you chuckled, “just that Dylan never liked to wear them,” “Hey, we have a rule remember. And this is the first time I’m fucking one of my students, I’m not doing it raw, are you kidding?” “Sorry. And yeah, you’re probably right to use one.” “Hey, this is just the control remember. Condoms are a variable we can change later.” You laughed at that and nodded as Roger squirted some lube into his palm and began stroking himself, letting out small groans at the contact. “Are you going to fuck me yet or is there something else I have to wait for?” “Careful Ms Y/L/N, you know I don’t tolerate that kind of attitude.” He smiled as he crawled over you again, catching your lips quickly before he sat back on his heels and pushed your legs wide. With a final look, as if to give you a chance to end things before they went any further, he lined himself up and pressed himself into you. You gasped as he filled you easily, bottoming out. “God you feel good,” he panted, “are you okay? Can I move?” “Yeah,” you nodded, “please move.” He breathed out a small sigh as he pulled his hips back and snapped them forward again, finding a rhythm. As he got more comfortable in the moment, Roger leaned over you again, pushing his face between your breasts and laving your skin with his tongue. He rediscovered the spots he’d found earlier, humming around your nipples and squeezing your boobs as he thrust into you. “Feel good?” “Yeah,” “You close yet?” “Not really.” “That’s alright,” he said softly as he readjusted his position, sitting back and lifting your legs over his shoulders. You felt the angle change as he fucked into you harder than before, his pace a little faster, “Play with your tits for me.” You didn’t hesitate to do as he asked, panting in sync with his thrusts as he dropped his fingers to your clit, rubbing in tight circles, forcing more moans and whines from your throat. “That’s right, tell me how good it is to be spread out under your professor, full of my hard cock. Christ you’re so fucking tight. Why didn’t I fuck you sooner?”.” You let your moans pick up a little as he ploughed into you, willing yourself to reach your climax. “Yeah? You like that. Are you close now?” “Uh-” “So no.” “Sorry, i-it just takes a while usually. I could f-fake it if you wa-nt to stop.” “No!” his voice sounded strained as he stilled inside you, “This is about getting you off and I will keep fucking you even if it takes all night for you to cum. I just need to readjust again.” Your laugh became a small whine as he pulled out of you and rolled you over so you were on top of him, “what are you-?” “Ride me. You said you like being on top so ride me,” You smiled and pressed your lips to his quickly before settling yourself over him and carefully sinking down into place. As you took him as deep as you could you halted a moment to enjoy the sensation of being full again, gently rocking your hips as you braced your hands on Roger’s chest. He held your gaze as he slipped two fingers into his mouth, pulling them out when they were dripping with saliva. He pressed them together with his thumb before bringing the wet digits to your right nipple, massaging it until you arched your back and tilted your head backwards. There was no way to resist any longer and you raised yourself on your knees before sinking back down, grunting as he hit just the right spot. “Better?” he grunted. “Mhmm,” you managed to get out before a moan, once again lifting and dropping yourself. You settled into the flow of it, the movement of your hips and the way you pulsed around him as you took him harder and faster, feeling the pleasure build and build and build. Until Roger’s voice, cracking with the effort, broke through your concentration. “Fuck, I’m close, I’m close. I’m gonna cum,” “Okay,” you said, not sure what else you could say, a little disappointed that it was going to be over before you could finish. So much for all night, though you supposed he’d only said that to help you relax and finish faster. At least it was hot watching him unravel beneath you, his grunts and groans loud and shameless, his hips spasming under yours. You waited until he was done, eyes closed and chest rising and falling rapidly as he tried to regain control of his breathing, and then lifted yourself to dismount him. Or you would have, except you felt his hands grab you by the hips and press you down again. “Your turn,” he said it so earnestly, no hint of the dominant teasing from earlier or any egotistical overconfidence, that you found yourself agreeing immediately, shocked into doing what he was guiding you to. You raised your hips again, let him pull you back down hard and before long you’d found your rhythm again. He let go of your hip, moving the hand to messily rub your clit as you shifted a little, changing the angle by a fraction. It was enough to have you careening towards the edge, even as Roger pulled air through his teeth as the extra stimulation. “So close,” you muttered before he could ask, eyes shut, intent on your mission. “C’mon, cum on my cock, show me how good it feels,” You nodded unthinkingly as he encouraged you, feeling it just out of reach until finally the familiar warmth washed over you, a long moan slipping from between your lips as you swivelled your hips, prolonging the orgasm as long as you could. “There you go, good girl.”

******

Roger gasped as you climbed off him and carefully removed his condom to throw it out. “I could have done that,” “You did enough.” He was smiling when you turned back to face him and beckoned you over to join him on the bed once more, pressing a kiss to your jaw and the corner of your mouth before he found your lips again. You sighed against him, lost in the blissful warmth of the moment. “I’ll do it. I’ll tutor you,” Roger said after some time, his arm draped over your side, your faces inches from each other. “You mean it?” “Yes.” “Because I’m a hot shag?” He let out an exhale of laughter, “Because I would rather you learnt about that kind of stuff from someone like me than some random on the internet who thinks that being dominant means being cruel or causing pain. At least I can make sure you approach things from a healthy angle with your own enjoyment in mind as much as your ex’s.” “Thank you. So…when do we start?” “Give me a few days to plan out some lessons, put together a curriculum.” “Oh, so it’s going to be like proper tutoring then.” “You’re the one that came to a teacher about this.” “Fair enough.” You would have happily stayed there longer and you later wondered if Roger would have let you had an alarm on his phone not gone off, a reminder to put his bins out for collection in the morning. He frowned as he realised the time and glanced at you. The piercing melody had brought the reality of the situation back to both of you. “I guess that means I should leave, right?” Roger sat up and scooted a little further away from you, “Yes, you probably should.�� He paused for a moment, “No one can know about this.” “I know, I understand. It’s our secret.” He pulled in a breath, “Exactly, our secret. Do you need me to call you a cab?” “No, it’s fine, I drove here.” “Okay. Well, why don’t we get dressed and I’ll walk you out.” “Are you okay with this? If you really don’t want to teach me, I’d understand.” “No I want to. More than I should.” “That’s okay. No one will know and we’ll do things your way, whatever you think is best.” “My way,” he muttered to himself, “Yes. Exactly. Okay. Um, tell you what,” he swung his legs out of the bed and bent forward to retrieve the underwear he’d discarded earlier, pulling them up under cover of the corner of the bed sheet, “I will grab my things and go collect our dishes from dinner. You can stay here and get changed and then when you’re ready to go, come find me in the kitchen, okay Ms Y/L/N?” “Sounds great, Professor Taylor.” He nodded at you once more before he left, bending to collect his pants and shirt on his way. You waited a minute or so, mind racing with the events of the evening and the promise of what would be coming, before you too stood and began to redress.

When you felt sufficiently tidy you stepped out into the hallway and headed in the direction you hoped led to the kitchen. Roger was there, redressed and hardly looking like he’d just got out of bed, leaning against the bench, eyes out of focus. When you arrived though his head jerked around towards your movement. “All good?” he asked, “got everything?” “Yeah, think so.” “Well,” he said, leading you towards the front door, “it was great having you. Over. Having you over. I’m glad we could come to an agreement.” “It was great for me too Professor.” “I will see you in class on Monday, don’t forget about that reading you’re meant to do.” “Got it. Um, can I ask about my next tutoring session, when would that be?” “I will talk to you about it after class on Monday if that’s okay.” “Absolutely, whatever works for you Professor.” He opened the door, standing on his side of the entrance as you stepped outside, “Right, well. Goodnight Ms Y/L/N,” “Goodnight Roger,” you said, quickly leaning in to kiss his cheek, “and thank you.” He still looked a little stunned as you got into your car, wondering just what you’d got yourself into.

#my writing #my fics #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor smut #roger taylor imagine #professor roger taylor #it feels so good to be posting this tbh #i cant wait for ya'll to read it and also the rest of the series ksjflsflsjflsjf

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genderfluidkevinday · 6 years ago

Text

genderfluid kevin day headcanons bc i can do what i want and also i have the perfect url to spread my “please representation” propaganda.

“how did you know?”

because in the quiet of nights when kevin is supposed to be asleep but he cant, not really, when his heart is still pounding from practice and every breath riko makes him terrified of being caught, he reads what he stole from the public library and it says sometimes people do not fit into the gender they were assigned and

because by sneaking searches on the internet when he can, kevin finds words. dangerous, un-raven-like words for how to love someone and how to be yourself. he finds words that mean you are not alone.

because he wakes up one day and demands to be the queen of exy, to be seen as what he is. the best. more powerful than the king. (not entirely cisgender?)

because it feels right.

because in the quiet between exy and family, kevin day has the time and the love to have the quiet understanding that this is who kevin day is.

it’s kinda a shitty realization process to go through- kevin starts questioning in the ravens, then immediately goes “No TM !” and internalizes all those feelings

kevin internalizes All the feelings, always ! compartmentalizing!

bisexuality? put it in a box!

gender identity? put it in a box!

feeling crushing inferiority? put it in a box!

mom died tragically? put it in a box!

ur dad isnt here? put it-

jesus fuck these headcanons were supposed to be happy and it got SO derailed 2 points in

anyways

post canon, kevin starts to become more comfortable w every aspect of himself, and finally takes the time to have a gender crisis

and then, immediately, decides it was all ridiculous and he was actually a cisgender all along !

he does the dumb thing i did. which is spend about a month going “lmao i’m cis but i wish i wasn’t, i don’t need a gender!” while badly ignoring his gender crisis

it’s renee who finally helps kevin out a little

kevin, dumbass: pfft, gender is stupid, but i’m cis so whatever! renee, nb lesbian icon: are you sure? kevin, having a crisis:

renee actually sends kevin a bunch of links to pages that have lots of words, and “what gender are you” quizes, and dumb memes about being trans/nonbinary and it shouldn’t help as much as it does.

renee is the first person kevin quietly texts at like, 2 am, and goes, “uh, can you use they, i think?”

her response is, obviously, “of course!”

so they’re like, pretty sure they’re not cis, but they bounce around labels for about a week before they end up settling on genderfluid.

sometimes kevin day is a boy, with loud opinions and soft hands. sometimes kevin day is a girl, with messy hair and a bright smile. sometimes kevin day is neither, with clumsy limbs and determined eyes

(however- kevin day can always outclass any striker on a court.)

it just feels right, in a way nothing else did.

theyre like,,, super nervous about coming out, like, they can’t even come up with the courage to tell their dad they’re bi, how the fuck are they gonna end up telling anyone else? solution! don’t.

except kevin is becoming more comfortable with every aspect of themself, and being casually bisexual around the foxes (nicky makes one too many jokes about kevin’s “”hetero guy crush”” on jeremy and they end up snapping “bitch i’m bi there’s nothing hetero about it.” and nicky is immediately like !!!!!!!!!!!!!) (but thats another post)

so kevin, with the growing comfort that yes, you can be non-heterosexual and non-cisgender and still be fucking amazing at exy, they start to come out

it’s a slow process because when they tried to do it all at once, they got tongue tied and just walked away without saying anything. so they end up doing it individually.

allison first (because renee can be there and give support AND bc allison is also A Trans), and kevin whispers, “so, I’m genderfluid.”

allison, casually: what are your pronouns? kevin: she/her. i’m a girl today. allison, with all the softness of someone who has been there: do you want me to do your makeup? kevin, with all the softness of someone who’s new to this: maybe one day.

after allison is andrew+neil, because they spend so much time together at night practice it’s inevitable it comes up

and by that i mean kevin screams halfway through night practice “THIS IS GENDERFLUIDPHOBIA” because andrew keeps blocking her shots.

andrew flips her off.

neil asks if thats an actual term.

kevin says to fuck off and keep practicing.

next is wymack.

oh boy.

so kevin isn’t even sure how to be a good son- she has no idea how to go about being a good daughter. she has no clue how to be a good child.

she doesn’t know if wymack even wants that.

but she goes to him after practice and he snaps, “what is it?” in a voice thats maybe a little less gruff than usual

and she says, “i’m genderfluid.”

he stares at her for a while.

she continues, “i’m a girl today, actually, and i just thought you should know.”

wymack asks, “you’ll tell me when it changes, right?”

kevin nods and leaves.

its a start.

telling jean feels like a really big deal, but in hindsight its about fifteen minutes of bad puns that follow an awkwardly worded coming out.

kevin: so like... guys right jean: yes? kevin: what if... i wasn’t one jean: are you trying to come out to me? kevin: is it working?

the rest of the monsters follows after that- aaron obviously doesnt understand, but he doesnt say anything rude. (he looks into it later). nicky, immediately, takes a supportive role.

nicky: I’M GONNA STAPLE A GENDERFLUID FLAG TO MY FACE THATS HOW MUCH I SUPPORT YOU kevin, softly: please don’t how would you play exy.

matt and dan get a less official coming out, because kevin isn’t sure how to be friends with them at all. but they manage a “so, i’m not a guy, actually, i’m genderfluid, and right now i don’t have a gender.”

dan gives them a set of pronoun bracelets for their birthday and matt gives them a book about the history of the nonbinary community and yeah, maybe this is how to be friends.

the baby foxes don’t get to find out. kevin doesn’t trust them as much, and isn’t ready to be... out out.

kevin has absolutely no desire to change their name, at all.

kevin: why would i change my name i’m an ICON.

WAIT i lied,,, they change their middle name to kayleigh.

the first time kevin gets invited to a girls night, she cries

its a surprise, which is hard to plan- girls nights are always on tuesdays, so they have to wait for a tuesday where kevin is free and feels like a girl

renee casually mentions that they have a history book that kevin might like, so she should come pick it up

and then in the dorm, dan and allison are setting up a movie and popcorn and renee is getting her nails painted. dan waves kevin over and tells her to pick a movie, allison tells her to pick out a nail polish, and renee actually does have a history book for her.

kevin finally accepts a make over from allison.

she cries like five times that night and tries to brush it off as nothing but... kevin can finally exist in a space, and feel welcome, and also feel... wanted.

it’s a good feeling

kevin, wearing a crop top with the genderfluid flag on it, painting renee’s nails as they watch the trojans game: lmao can you imagine thinking i was cis? what was i thinking? i was so dumb lol. renee, sweetly: no it was a perfectly normal reaction to being raised in a cisnormative society, and i’m very proud of you for figuring out that it wasn’t right for you kevin: dammit renee why do you have to be so kind and supportive just let me make jokes about my moron-ness in PEACE

kevin day is the fucking QUEEN of exy !!!!!!! she’s better than you and you know it.

each and every day kevin day hears misogonistic comments towards female exy players and each and every day kevin day wants to scream B I T C H in their face

he wanted to do this even before he figured out he was genderfluid bc kevin day drank respect women juice before realizing he was also drinking sometimes i am women juice

kevin actually 100% hates dresses a lot bc they can never find any that are a good texture and its Sensory Hell, and also you cant play exy in them?? what the fuck???

they end up liking crop tops and short shorts, and a few kinds of makeup, but skirts and dresses are dumb and itchy actually

kevin goes on an impassioned rant about this at LEAST once a month

you know that really good feeling when you wake up one day and you realize you’re happier knowing who you are and maybe it’s rough and maybe it’s not perfect but you get to know who you are and your friends respect and love you for who you are and you start to realize you love knowing you too????????

yeah.

kevin day is genderfluid and this is my hill to die on thank you and good night

#aftg #tfc #aftg headcanon #tfc headcanon #kevin day #if u follow me ur legally obligated to rb this bc its in line w my url #(joking)#genderfluid kevin day #renee walker #if only bc she features so heavily #i dont wanna tag all the others

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rpgmgames · 6 years ago

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November’s Featured Game: Shooty and the Catfish

DEVELOPER(S): Daniel ENGINE: RPGMaker MV GENRE: Adventure, RPG WARNINGS: Course Language, Gore SUMMARY: Shooty and the Zaat are a dynamic duo solving monstrous mysteries!

Play the demo here!

Our Interview With The Dev Team Below The Cut!

Introduce yourself! Sure! So my name is Daniel, I guess technically I am an animator. I started out making flash cartoons around 2000 just for fun and became a professional animator in the advertising space around 2007. I have been working in media ever since, both in studios and as a contractor working under the Visitors From Dreams label which is also the label I use for my game development. I started dabbling with RPG Maker in around 2002 but I never got very far. Once I got into the media industry I wanted to pick it up again but with Mac being what almost all my work was done on, at home and in studio I didnt get the chance to actually get into it properly again until MV released, infact I was so excited that I purchased MV the day it dropped and immediately begun development on my first title Flatwoods. Ironically Shooty and the Catfish was developed on a PC, but I digress.

What is your project about? What inspired you to create your game initially? *Daniel: Shooty and the Catfish is set up pretty simply. The 2 lead characters, Shooty and Zaat run a sort of monster investigation unit out of their home. They get calls to different desitinations to deal with different monster problems. I really wanted it to feel like it was set up in a similar way to a lot of cartoons from the 80s, where every episode had a pretty similar but still managed to feel like a little self contained adventure. I have thrown in some little elements of an larger narrative but they are light until the final episode. Originally the series was pitched to Frederator for Cartoon Hangover, it got a little ways into early development but then Youtube changed its algorythm and animation on the platform became a struggle and the project was dropped. I didnt want to waste all the work I had done on the concepts and so I eventually tried to find a way to work them into a game, its taken me quite a few years to get as far as I have with development, but I would be even further back if I had tried to animate it all alone. I created Flatwoods to try and get a small project out, you know, to get some experience with the engine, little did I know how much more I had to learn!

How long have you been working on your project? *Daniel: I pitched Shooty and the Catfish back in 2013 from memory, but it didn't start to take shape as the project you currently see until the last 12 months. In that sense I am incredibly happy with how quickly the game has come together.

Did any other games or media influence aspects of your project? *Daniel: So many things have influenced my work its not funny... Where do I even start? Shooty and Zaat have a bit of a Finn and Jake thing going since when the project was originally pitched to Frederator and thats what they were looking for at the time. Resident Evil 4 (the closest any game has ever come to perfection imo) was the inspiration for the games ammo based combat system. Demons Souls originally derailed the project when I tried to emulate its non linear hub based design (you will notice the demo takes place on a single island instead), that created all kinds of balancing issues though so thats all been stripped back and is what lead to the decision to make the game episodic instead. One element from Demons Souls that remains in the game is a diverse mix of linear and looping level designs when it comes to mapping. The game also features towns that have layouts based on unused maps from the Pokemon GS 97 Spaceworld demo since they never made it into any of the actual games in the series. Pokemon GS also influenced the games visuals. I'm not a big RPG guy, but I played a hell of a lot of Pokemon growing up and Gen 2 is still my favorite. Trying to get MV to emulate the limitations of the Game Boy Color was quite the hurdle, I still cant believe I got it working as well as it is. I also have a lot of cameos from other peoples RPGM games, so there's that. Its a big ol' mixing pot of ideas and inspirations.

Have you come across any challenges during development? How have you overcome or worked around them? *Daniel: Countless, the biggest challenge is always scope though. I originally wanted the game to be like 3 hours long tops, now its well in excess of that and that's before I have even put in meaningful NPC interactions. That's why I have decided to break the game up into episodes, each one should be around an hour which is much more my jam. I don't have a lot of free time so I tend to gravitate towards games that are tight and short, I think that's why I am so determined to keep this game in nice manageable chunks. Now that the game is shorter I don't need levelling so I am starting to tone down the RPG elements. One change always leads to another, but episode one is getting damn close to completion. I say this before I have even had the chance to announce the game's going to be episode on my own blog, ha ha. Episode 1 January, The Great Spore Chore! Keep your eyes out for it!

Have any aspects of your project changed over time? How does your current project differ from your initial concept? *Daniel: As mentioned above a lot has changed, I feel the biggest change was when I tried to move the game from being episodic into one adventure after playing through a bunch of other RPGM games for ideas, it all started to feel a bit aimless and the storytelling techniques I had planned when it was episodic weren't translating well as the game progressed. So I guess now the game is episodic again we have come full circle! So many ideas seemed good on paper but ended up not really being fun or adding anything in practice. Oh yeah, and the transition from Game Boy green to color was a big one based on feedback from the demo. Some people were finding it hard to tell what elements were interactable, doors in particular, I hope that color has helped minimize that issue. Key items will also have an animation on them so they are hard to miss. I'm not a fan of hunting for items in big maps, it's certainly not something I want to subject people too in my own projects.

What was your team like at the beginning? How did people join the team? If you don’t have a team, do you wish you had one or do you prefer working alone? *Daniel: This project has had a few key people involved. Outside of myself I have worked with 2 musicians. One is an old school friend who did music for my animations back in the early 2000's. He has contributed a bunch of really cool EDM which makes up most of the games OST. On top of that there is also a number of optional bosses (one per episode) that have music composed by Secret Agent Ape who worked on Soma Spirits and a bunch of other upcoming games. I have been really lucky to get to work with such rad dudes.

What is the best part of developing the game? *Daniel: I love designing enemy battlers, my process usually involves me drawing a weird shape, sticking some eyes and a big goofy nose on it and trying to come up with a stupid pun to use for a name while listening to bands like Yes or Klaatu. It's bliss. I have a lot of people ask me why I have limited myself in terms of resolution and color palette, and it comes down to one of the important things I told myself when I got into game making as a hobby was that I would stop if it ever started to feel like work. I spend my days doing heavy visual effects and compositing, sometimes doing complex character animation. I want to keep that stuff as far away from my game development as possible. Ironically working within the incredibly restrictive limitations of the Game Boy has ended up being incredibly liberating and keeps things feeling fun as opposed to feeling like more of what I do all day to pay the bills.

Do you find yourself playing other RPG Maker games to see what you can do with the engine, or do you prefer to do your own thing? *Daniel: I always enjoy checking out demo's of upcoming games. Both Heartbeat and Virgo and the Zodiac's demos blew me away from a technical standpoint on the MV front. I still find it hard to believe those demos were made with the same engine I'm using. I guess it really shows what can be done when the engine is in capable hands. I wish I had more time to play actual full releases, I mean Jimmy and the Pulsating Mass just came out and I have no idea when, if ever I will have the free time to play it because its such a commitment. I feel like I am missing out on some great stuff.

Which character in your game do you relate to the most and why? (Alternatively: Who is your favorite character and why?) *Daniel: I guess I relate to different characters in different ways. Slim Grim is the one who hands out assignments to Shooty and Zaat, he is pretty much done with life, over people and the world itself, I think thats something we all have a bit of inside of us. Shooty is a very positive individual, his solutions to most problems is a bullet with a smile, and I think theres a bit of that in all of us as well. Zaats a bit of a cheeky smart arse, so I guess in a lot of ways I am most like her as a person. One of the episodes also features Gerkinman who is and has been a sort of self insert in my work since 2001 so I guess technically I relate to him most... ha ha, but thats cheating!

Looking back now, is there anything that regret/wish you had done differently? *Daniel: I wish I had done a better job keeping the project focused. I feel like a good few months were spent making the game bigger in ways it didnt need to be.

Once you finish your project, do you plan to explore the game’s universe and characters further in subsequent projects, or leave it as-is? *Daniel: All of my games are loosely connected, taking place in the same world. None of them tie directly into each other, im not big on the cinematic universe concept that seems so popular right now, but events in my previous 2 releases and the 5 planned episodes of Shooty and the Catfish are loosely connected in ways people who take the time to look can find. They are also tied into around 17 years worth of animated shorts I have released. I have no plans on stopping now!

What do you look most forward to upon/after release? *Daniel: Well, theres quite a few things... Mapping for all 5 episodes (outside of towns) is complete, so when Episode 1 is done I will be immediately rolling into Episode 2. I am aiming to have an episode out every 2 months which should be doable with so much of the game already finished. I also have a couple of short films I am looking forward to being able to invest some time into, things have slowed down in recent months due to freelance but I am eager to get to animate some of my own work again. I am also eager to see the comments sections on Lets Plays. Both Flatwoods and Hazmat got a bit of Lets Play action and a couple of those have some pretty substantial comment sections. The amount of theories people try to put together for these projects is staggering. I could never write something as entertaining as what the speculations in these comment sections contain in terms of what my games mean, it cracks me up and I find it quite flattering that random people have put more thought into elements of my stories then I have. Makes me want to keep things deliberately vague just to encourage more of it. Lastly I will be releasing all the build files for the project so if anyone wants to make fangames or whatever they have direct access to all of the core files used to build the games. Im a big fan of the concept of a mod community, and while RPGM doesnt exactly allow for that, id love to see people do similar things to my work as whats been done with a lot of LISA fan games.

Is there something you’re afraid of concerning the development or the release of your game? *Daniel: I don't know about being afraid exactly. I am curious about how my business model for the episodic releases will go over. I was planning on releasing them at $1 an episode and $4 for the bundle when it's all complete. I know some people think thats still charging too much, but some people have also told me im not charging enough and that it lowers price standards accross the board for RPGM content. The way I see it if I can cover the costs of Steam and the music I commissioned then I've done alright since this project was for fun, but that's just me.

Do you have any advice for upcoming devs? *Daniel: Just keep at it and set yourself small goals. If your working on a big project break it up into manageable sections. Take things one map at a time, ya know what I mean?

Question from last month's featured dev @overcast-rpg: If you could choose an RPG Maker gamedev to release another game; which one would you choose and why? *Daniel: Oh that's an easy one, The Catamites. I love Space Funeral, it's easily my favorite game made in the engine, and while The Catamites has developed countless games since its release, they have all been in other engines. It would be fun to see them return to the engine after all they have learned about game design since Space Funeral's release and to see what they would do.

We mods would like to thank Daniel for agreeing to our interview! We believe that featuring the developer and their creative process is just as important as featuring the final product. Hopefully this Q&A segment has been an entertaining and insightful experience for everyone involved!

Remember to check out Shooty and the Catfish if you haven’t already! See you next month!

- Mods Gold & Platinum

#rpg maker #rpg maker games #indie games #free games #pixel games #shooty and the catfish #games #gotm #game of the month #november #november 2018 #inktober 2018 #gotm 2018 #game making #game development

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sighfertryptich · 5 years ago

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Im going to rant(ish), skip if you want.

So I was watching a video (its the “Generations React to Dan Howell and Eugene Lee Yang Coming Out On Youtube” video by FBE) and everyone started sharing their coming out stories, and everyone was sharing that they were either scared or felt a freak by it. I felt that I wanted to, considering this is the only platform I have on here that I can express myself to the fullest without judgement, share my own, even though I am not in an accepting household.

So, let me start out with this. Growing up, I thought I was straight. There were no signs of me feeling any different than other kids. I was one of the more innocent children, I didnt care about gender identity or sexuality. I just cared about who I was going to play with at recess. By the time I hit fifth grade, I was naïve to the fact that not everyone was attracted to everyone around them. I didn’t understand that some boys only liked girls, and some girls only liked boys. In my community, it was rare that the gays and lesbians understood what it was, so they werent around to put that knowledge in our vocabulary. To me, if you had a crush, it could be on either a female or a male, whether or not you were the same gender or the opposite.

Reaching middle school, about a year later, our views were widened. People around me were realizing or expressing their sexualities. I, on the other hand, still didn’t understand that there were labels to these things. (Keep in mind, there still weren’t lesbians or gays out in the open yet. Everyone was either bisexual or straight.)

When this new vocabulary came to light, I could finally attempt to put a name to myself, liking both men and women.

I accepted the term bisexual for myself at the ripe age of 11.

I didn’t plan on telling my parents. I never wanted to. They didnt have to know who I was imagining kissing, they didnt have to know who I had crushes on. To this day, I never planned on telling them until the day came that I would have to. As in, if the time came, I would tell them when I got engaged to a woman.

Throughout middle school, I was labeled bisexual. It just felt normal to like who I wanted to like, and the people I surrounded myself with accepted me. I guess I got lucky with that. Reaching into high school, I got my first serious woman x woman crush. Every single day, she’d come into class and I would just gush over her. She was gorgeous. And being honest, a ripe 13 year old me was in her scene phase, and this girl oozed alternative. She had a grunge look, part of her hair was dyed sea-foam green, and she was sweet and funny and kind. As far as I knew, she liked me back.

I remember my first Sadie Hawkins dance. I got with my school’s GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) Club and put together this whole thing where me and a couple friends made shirts that said “Will you go to Sadie Hawkins with me?” She said yes! but then later the dance was canceled and we just made other plans. As time went on, she led me on to thinking she liked me. I found out she didn’t and that she was wasting her time on me when she got with one of my guy friends.

This is when my chronic depression stepped its pussy up. Thank you Dan Howell for giving me that quote.

When I was 15, I moved to my small town a state over where I reside to this day. I was still labeling myself as bisexual. I met my first lesbian that year. (And yes, this was my first time meeting a lesbian. Im serious.) She became my best friend for the next 3 and a half years. She opened me to the world of different labels and helped me through finding out what I realized I truly was.

I was, and am, Pansexual. And a proud one at that. #PansexualPride.

I got my first serious girlfriend when I was 18. Or at least, I thought it was serious. I was head over heels for her. She claimed she was bisexual. [I say claimed because she admitted after we broke up that she was straight.]

Long story short, she used me to go to RenFest, then broke up with me a week later blaming her depression, then got with some dude a day later.

A couple of months later, I met a girl through an app called Amino. She was pansexual, like me, and we had a lot of the same interests. Only problem was that while I lived in Louisiana, she lived on an island off the coast of Florida.

Although our relationship didn’t last long, I added her because this was the first time in my entire life that I actually could see myself marrying a woman.

Let me explain.

Up until this point, I had only ever seen myself marrying a man. Yes, I had an attraction to women. Ive dated women, although not many, but never could see myself marrying any of them. Nothing wrong with that.

During this time, I cut my hair very short. Like, pixie-cut with an undercut. My intentions to cut it were that it’d be easier to put up into wigs when I cosplayed, and it’d be less to take care of and look good. We’ll come back to this later.

Directly after our 3 month anniversary, yes I do month anniversaries, I met my current girlfriend, Cole.

I swear, it was one of those moments where you see someone and you know they’re going to be in your life for years to come. [Fun fact - she told me that after she had met me for the first time, she joked with her friend that her and I “would have an August wedding” even though we barely had passed a few sentences between each other.] There’s just that feeling when you look someone in the eyes and know that there’s something special about them. Something you want - no, need - in your life, whether it’s to make a life-long decision or just to help you grow as a person.

I started dressing more comfortably. I no longer wore skirts or dresses. I wore jeans and t-shirts and hats and less makeup. I wore chains attached to my belt loops. All in all, I started looking more masculine, even though it was just me dressing comfortably. My job allowed it, I was earning the money to allow me to buy clothes like this. It made me happy. I started feeling more comfortable with more masculine terms rather than strictly feminine terms, ie. “mans, they, them, boy” etc. I wasn’t uncomfortable when someone said I looked like a boy, nor was I uncomfortable with my female body. I just didnt care. It wasnt insulting as I was raised to think it was. In fact, I encouraged it. I allowed - and still allow - people to think I was whatever gender they assigned me with. In all, I became Genderfluid. Gender Neutral, if you will.

Now, we’re going to back up just a tiny bit. Tee tiny, nothing big.

About a month before I met Cole, someone outted me to my mother. Keep in mind, I was never planning on coming out to her. My older sister is like me, Pansexual. She strives on the fact that she doesnt tell people she’s in a woman x woman relationship unless people directly ask. She doesnt label her sexuality. And I look up to her severely for that.

My mother is homophobic. She says she isn’t, and maybe she’s not, due to the fact she accepts my sister and her girlfriend, and hopes they get married someday. But for me, I was supposed to be the ray of hope. I was supposed to be blonde, straight, thin, cheerleading captain female who went to college and became highly successful. I wasn’t supposed to be the 5-foot-8, blue haired, overweight, artsy gender fluid kid she had who dropped out of high school, got their GED, and “doesnt show signs of responsibility” (- per my mother, who doesnt want to put me through college) kid she ultimately got.

Dressing how I felt was comfortable and loving who I wanted to love brought me hate from the one person who should love me unconditionally - my own mother. Most people were given hate by their peers, being called gay and butch. My hate was given from the person who gave me life. My mother has said that she regrets getting pregnant with me, and that she would’ve stopped after her first two kids. In fact, she had her tubes tied BEFORE she got pregnant with me. I was being born, with or without her consent. She has told me countless times that she feels like she failed as a parent due to the way I came out as an adult.

To this day, she tells me that I constantly look “too lesbian” or “too butch” and that I need to “go back to how I used to look”. She doesnt accept that I like women. She calls me a lesbian - and everyone knows that when you like both men and women, you’re very obviously not a lesbian. Ive told her countless times that I’m not a lesbian. But she never listens. She uses the term lesbian as anyone in middle school would use the word gay - as an insult.

It makes me confused. How could you raise your kid - which by the way, Im the first kid she raised on her own, her other two were raised with either my grandmother or the baby’s father - and tell them you’re disgusted by their happiness? How could you be okay with one pansexual daughter and hate the other?

(This next part might be TMI but it makes another avid point.)

How can you be okay with your daughter sending explicit pictures to a boy, but be disgusted by your daughter holding hands with a girl?

I still have to hide my relationship with Cole. It makes me sick to my stomach to not be able to say “Mom, this is my girlfriend.” with the girl I care ever so deeply for. I want to take her to family events and show her to the world, screaming at the top of my lungs that Cole is mine and mine alone.

Cole tells me that I’m an idiot when I get gushy. In fact, she’ll probably text me saying I made her cry (dont worry, its tears of love) if she gets to the end of this.

Cole is gorgeous. Even when I spend the night, and she’s got sleep in her eyes the next morning, teeth not yet brushed, hair a mess, making gross yawning faces, I still think she’s quite possibly the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. She’s always got me nonstop laughing, doubling over and straight up snorting sometimes. She’s caring and headstrong, not afraid to stand up for what she believes in.

I want to be able to show her off.

But I cant with a mother like mine.

So, long story short, I grew up in an accepting community. Fell hard for some men and some women. Grew up and realized who I was as a person. Found someone who accepts me through each and every questioning moment I have with myself. Yet, I cant show her off like the people around me all because of the one person who gave me life.

I guess you could say this is the end, but everyone knows its a To Be Continued. You just gotta roll with what life gives you, whether or not the people in your life are there to love you or hurt you.

If you got this far, I applaud and also thank you. I’m not able to rant to anyone like this, so if you took the time to read this, I appreciate it. No one wants to hear my story. If you do…

My name is Marley, and I am a Pansexual, Gender Neutral, KPop loving cosplayer who is not afraid to love who they want to love.

Thank you ♡

(Btw, sorry if I got off track towards the end. My mind wanders when telling stories. I wrote this on my phone so I’ll go back and add a “Keep Reading” thing if you’d rather just skip it.)

#lgbt #lgbtq+#coming out story #coming out #love #long reads #my story #emotional #storytime

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faerieyoongles · 6 years ago

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Inamorata

By: @lwannag0h0me-c0m

Yoongi x Reader

Plot: Werewolves are assigned a human soulmate from birth, as werewolves cannot reproduce with other werewolves. Although humans cant tell when they’ve met their werewolf soulmate (mostly because they think werewolves don’t exist), werewolves become fully aware once they are united with their true love. Most werewolves meet their soulmate around mid to late teenage years (because that’s when their bodies become sexually mature). Yoongi is 18, almost 19, and on his last year of high school and still hasn’t found his soulmate yet. He’s starting to believe maybe he doesn’t have one, until one day a new girl named Y/N enters the school.

Chapter(s): 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Genera: Werewolf au, fluff, smut, (a lil bit of angst), supernatural romance

Chapter 4

This chapter is unedited, sorry for my mistakes lol

The next morning you woke up around 9 am, still laying in Yoongi’s arms. The position you where now in was slightly different from when you first feel asleep, now resting on his chest rather than lying next to him on your side. Since it was late morning, you figured your dad was probably at work by now, so there was no need to worry about him walking in unexpectedly. Yoongi was still asleep and you took a few moments to observe his resting figure. You where kinda creeped out by yourself for just staring at him while he was sleeping, but you couldn’t help yourself. His chest rose and fell in a rhythmic pattern and his lips where parted slightly to allow him to breath. His grip around your waist was lose since his body was in a state of complete relaxation. You smiled, ‘Gosh, I love this kid’ you thought. Suddenly your eyes went wide. Oh my god... you loved him. You finally realized you loved him, but this wasn’t necessarily a good thing. You had thought you’d fallen in love before, but it only ended up in devastating heart break once you told them how you felt. Yoongi was different, and you didn’t wanna mess it up. What if he doesn’t feel like same? He may like you, but that doesn’t mean he loves you. You decided you weren't gonna tell him unless he told you first, that was the safest bet. Before you left the bed, you kissed him on the forehead. The kiss from last night was still playing over in your head. The way his soft lips felt against yours was a feeling you never wanted to forget. After slowly leaving the room to not wake Yoongi up, you closed the door gently and headed downstairs. You where hungry and figured Yoongi would be too once he woke up, so you opened the pantry and got out some pre-made pancake mix. Cooking wasn’t really a strong skill of yours, but you could follow instructions from a box. Putting the mix on the counter and getting out anything else the box said you needed, you began making the two of you some breakfast.

Yoongi woke up half an hour later to the smell of something being cooked downstairs. It took him a minute to realize where he was. When he saw the fairy lights hanging up on your ceiling, memories of the moment you two shared last night suddenly played through his head. A smile formed on his face when he remembered how he held your cheek as he kissed you. He was expecting he’d look to his side to see you sleeping next to him, but was disappointed when he saw you weren’t in bed. He figured the noise downstairs was you, so he dragged himself out of your warm covers and made his way down to you. Entering the kitchen, he saw you where faced towards the stove flipping pancakes. You hadn’t noticed his presence yet, too focused on making sure you didn’t burn your breakfast. By now you had a few pancakes already made, so the smell of cooked batter filled the room and surrounded Yoongi’s senses. He was impressed to know you could make something that smelled so good, but then he saw the box of mix sitting on the counter. He chuckled, knowing he had the same box at his house as well due to his lack of cooking skills. You could’ve made the worst tasting pancakes in the world and Yoongi would still eat them for you, but he was glad you decided not to make them from scratch, knowing that your clumsy nature would probably screw it up (not that he could do much better). Now it was his turn to be a creep as he stared at you and watched you finish making the pancakes. Flipping the last pancake over onto the top of the stack next to you, he made his way over to where you where standing. He took you by surprise as he hugged you from behind. Luckily you no longer had the pan in your hand, cause if you did you would’ve dropped it.

“Oh, hi” you smiled “You’re awake” Yoongi hummed in response and attached his lips to your neck. It took you back at first, but it’s really not that much different from what happened last night. He left a couple small pecks around the left side of your neck and nuzzled his head into you once he was done. “I made pancakes” you said.

“Mhm, they smell delicious.” he said soft and raspily in your ear. He didn’t know what was going on with him. He felt needier than usual, and wanted to hold you closer than he normally did. Maybe it’s cause you both confessed last night? Whatever the reason was, neither of you seemed to mind.

“Are you hungry?” you asked. Yoongi nodded his head and you took that as a sign to leave his arms and grab two plates and forks for the both of you. Setting them down on the opposite counter that had stools beside it, you grabbed the plate of pancakes from off the stove and set it down between you and Yoongi’s seats. Yoongi sat down and you got maple syrup and orange juice from the fridge. “Yoongi, can you get the glasses from the cabinet above you?” Yoongi stood up and grabbed the glasses like you asked him to, setting one down in front of his plate and the other in front of yours. Sitting down at your seat and setting the objects in your hands down, you both began to eat. You where both awkwardly quiet as you where enjoying your meals, both having a thousand thoughts going through your heads. Obviously knew you guys liked eachother, but now it was like a real thing. Are you his girlfriend now? Are you guys still in the ‘unspokenly dating’ phase? Did he like kissing you? What where you supposed to say now? The more you thought about it the more you had no idea what to say. Yoongi sensed something was wrong with you, so he opened his mouth to say something. Before any words came out, you blurted out “What are we?” Staring at you for a second, he chuckled.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“Like..” You paused, not really knowing how to say it without coming off too strong.

“Like... are you my girlfriend?” he said, stealing the words right from you.

“Um, yeah... I guess.” Oh god, this was the part of the relationship where he was probably gonna say he ‘didn’t wanna label anything’, something you’ve heard too many times before when you asked this question. You where ready for rejection, when he surprised you.

“Well, do you wanna be?” he asked. How where you supposed to respond? Of course you knew that’s what you wanted, but what if that’s not what he wanted? What if he was testing you or something? But, what if he really did want the same thing you wanted?

You stuttered a bit before giving your answer. “Um, I- ah, y-yeah.” You inhaled sharply, wishing you could take your words back. ‘Oh god, abort abort! Big mistake, Y/N! You should’ve just kept your mouth shut!’ you panicked. Yoongi sensed your nerves, almost confused to why you where doubtful of his feelings. He thought he made it pretty clear. He put in fork down and held out both his hands for you to take. Hesitantly taking them, you looked at him confused. He then leaned forward and kissed the top of your forehead.

“Good” he said “I was hoping you would say that.” You faces where still close to eachother even after he pulled away.

“So, we’re like.. a thing now?” You asked.

“We were a thing before, Y/N. Let’s just make it official already, hm?” He said as he leaned closer and closer, his lips finally coming into contact with yours once more. This time was a lot longer, and involved more movement. It was steamier than last time’s, your lips dancing with each other rather than holding each other. When you both finally pulled away, your breathing was faster, as was your heart beat. ‘Oh my god, I’ve got a boyfriend!’ you thought. You smiled the widest you’ve smiled in a while and threw yourself on Yoongi squealing like a child. You kinda looked ridiculous but you couldn’t help it. Yoongi laughed at your reaction, wrapping his arms around you to return the hug you where currently giving him. God, he was so happy.

Finishing your breakfast, Yoongi helped you clean the dishes. It was about 10:30 and he suddenly remembered the promise he made to his mother the day before. He was trying to come up with some excuse to why you should come over when an opportunity appeared right in front of him. “I can steal more of my dad’s old clothes for you to wear. I figure you don’t wanna be walking around in your clothes from yesterday, no?” You said.

“Or” Yoongi said, coming up with an idea “We can go to my house. You can change here, and go to my house after so I can change, and hang out there for a bit. I don’t live far from here, maybe like a 20 minute walk.”

“Oh, okay.” You said. You’d finally get to see where he lived, so getting to go to his house kind of excited you. “I’ll get changed now then” you said before walking up to your room. You didn’t change into anything fancy, but you decided to make yourself at least decent looking since you where probably going to meet his parents. A simple pair of light blue jeans and a black tee with a blue hoodie should civic, right? You took Yoongi’s clothes off your floor and grabbed your phone from off your bedside table. Making your way down stairs, you saw that Yoongi had actually dried and put all the dishes away. “You didn’t have to do that ya know. I could’ve just put them away later on” you said.

“Eh, I got bored and you took too long” he joked. You rolled you eyes and handed him his clothes. Putting on your shoes by the door, you headed out and made sure to lock the house before leaving. Yoongi linked his arm to you and you rested your head on his shoulder while beginning to walk. To your surprise, Yoongi started walking towards the woods rather than following the side walk.

“Why are we walking this way? Do you like live in the woods or something?” you asked.

Yoongi chuckled “No, it’s just faster to go through the woods. Better to walk through the block the around it.”

“How would you know though? You’ve never been to my house before.”

‘Shit’ he thought. Quickly, he thought of a convincing lie. “Um, yeah but I’ve lived in this town my whole life. I know this neighbor hood, and I know how long it would take to walk to my house from here.” He really hoped you bought it, cause he had no other explanation.

“Have you been to this neighborhood before?” you asked

“Uh, yeah. I use to have a buddy that lived around here.” He hated lying to you, but he just wasn’t ready yet to tell you the truth. Figuring his explanation was reasonable, you followed his lead into the woods. It was still morning so the woods weren’t as creepy as they usually where during the night. Yes, you did enjoy sitting in the woods when the sun went down, but you always brought a flashlight to make your way back home. As pretty and calming as you felt by the lake, the rest of the woods looked like a death trap. Plus, you where never alone, you always had your wolf friend with you.

After walking for sometime, Yoongi heard something walking behind you. Since being a werewolf, he can hear better than you could. It’s obviously 100x better when in wolf form, but even still he could hear better than the average human. “Wait” he said quietly as he stopped both of you in your tracks. “Be quiet for a sec.”

“Yoongi, if you’re trying to scare me it’s not funny.” You said.

“No, seriously.” He looked pretty serious, so you figured you should just take his advice. He turned his head slowly to see what was following them. Facing to the back, his eyes went wide when he recognized who was several feet away. Seeing his reaction, you turned around as well, curious to what kind of trouble you might be in. About a few yards behind you was a wolf staring right at the both of you. At first you thought it could be the wolf that sits with you by the lake, but that wolf looked kind and nonthreatening. This one looked like an actual wild animal, ready to kill. Yoongi instantly recognized it as the wolf last night from your window. ‘What the heck is a werewolf doing in wolf form during the day? Doesn’t he know how risky it is?’ he thought. Once again, the wolf had the same look in his eye, ready to fight for a mate. There was no way in hell Yoongi would let that happen, but he most diffidently wasn’t gonna change into wolf form now with you right next to him. He didn’t want you to find out that way, he wanted to explain everything first before you saw him transform. At that moment, the wolf started walking forward. His walking turned faster and it was obvious the wolf was starting to charge towards you two. “Run!” Yoongi shouted. It was his duty as your mate to fight for you, but again, he didn’t want you to see him like that yet. Telling you to run was his only option at the moment, but if the moment came and he’d have to change then he’d do it without hesitation. There was no doubt in his mind that the wolf behind him found him pathetic for running instead of fighting, but he didn’t really care. You where both running as fast as you could. You didn’t ever think you could run this fast before, but Yoongi was pulling you most of the way. Surprisingly, he was a really fast runner. He’d always get so short breathed whenever you guys jogged slightly and this kid is out running a wild animal right now. If it wasn’t for Yoongi dragging you all the way, you would’ve been dead meet for sure.

It felt like you had been running for hours, but in reality it had only been a few minutes. You where maneuvering your way through the woods, jumping over logs, kicking away leaves, running through massive puddles. It must have rained last night because the ground was all muddy and slippery. There was a few times when you almost fell, but Yoongi caught you before your feet left the ground. Finally seeing houses, you both seemed to run faster, desperate for shelter from the beast that was chasing you. Yoongi pulled you to his backyard and suddenly stopped running. There was an invisible barrier around the neighborhood that kept out wolves from other packs. When werewolves where apart of a pack, immediately any other wolves who weren’t pack members where enemies, which is why it was so hard for stray wolves (wolves without a pack) to find another pack again. “Why’d you stop?! Incase you forgot, there’s a fucking wolf running after us!” You screamed.

“Look” he said while pointing in the direction of the woods. “It’s gone.” Both of you where struggling to speak, trying to catch your breaths.

“It could still come back!” You yelled.

“Okay, okay.” he said trying to calm you down. If the whole pack heard a new voice in the neighborhood, they’d all come rushing over to see who it was. For now, you meeting his parents was all he wanted to happen, and even then he’s still skeptical about you meeting them. “Well go inside then, come on.” He lead you up the deck and in through the backdoor. You shoes where muddy so you took them off on the mat, he did as well. As soon as you started to look around, you heard a voice yell from upstairs.

“Yoongi?” Bitna called. “Is that you?” She could smell another presence in her house. Being the leader she had much stronger senses than most wolves did in their human forms.

“Yeah Ma, just me!” Yoongi shouted back.

“And you brought a friend!” She said smiling as she made herself shown in the living room. Bitna had a kinda and gentile face, just like Yoongi, but her personality was very dominant and straight forward. “Oh how lovely it is to meet you!” She said as she walked over to you. She cupped both her hands around your cheeks and smiled. Her friendly nature was most diffidently inviting. You smiled back.

“It’s lovely to meet you too, Miss” you replied, still slightly out of breath.

“Oh please, call me Bitna!” she chirped. “You must be the girl Yoongi’s been talking about for weeks! Y/N, was it?” You nodded your head and smiled. Bitna pulled you into a tight hug. “I’ve been dying to meet you.” she pulled away but kept her hands on your shoulders. “I kept telling Yoongi he should bring you over, I’m glad I finally convinced him! You seem like a lovely girl!” Yoongi’s mom was the sweetest person ever, why hadn’t he taken you over before? Bitna looked at Yoongi to tell him something, but was distracted by how muddy the bottom of his pants were. She then looked down at your pants to see you had the same situation. “Oh my lord! What where you two doing, Mud sliding?”

“More like running from a wolf.” You said. Bitna’s eyebrows furrowed. Why was her werewolf son and his mate running from another wolf? She looked over at Yoongi for an explanation.

“I’ll explain later.” He said.

“Okay well, your friends are in the kitchen having a snack. I told them you where bringing Y/N home and they all wanted to stop by and see her too!” she said. Yoongi huffed. He didn’t know how he felt about you hanging around a pack of wolves when you were still oblivious to their true nature, but there wasn’t much he could do about it now. Making your way across the living room and into the kitchen, you saw six faces that you knew to be Yoongi’s best friends. Jungkook was the first to run up to you. He hugged you the second he saw you. Jungkook was by far your favorite of the group. You had a few classes with him, and sometimes his lunch period would be the same as yours so he’d sit with you and Dawn.

“Hi, kookie.” You chuckled as you hugged him back. You’re the only person he knows that calls him kookie. It’s usually kook or JK, but you found him so adorable you couldn’t help yourself. As Jungkook pulled away from you and led you to the table where the other guys where, Yoongi pulled his mother aside.

“Why where you running from another wolf?” asked Bitna quietly. Neither her or Yoongi wanted anyone to over hear their conversation. “Was it a regular wolf or a werewolf? Even so why was it out in broad day light?”

“A werewolf” Yoongi said. “and I don’t know, I have just as many questions as you do. I first saw it last night through her window. It looked at me with that.. that look..” He didn’t know the actual name for it.

“What look?” asked Bitna.

“Ya know that look when wolves try and challenge another for their mate?” Bitna’s eyes went wide when she heard her son explain. “Yeah, that look. It had the same look when we where running from it on the way here.”

“Was it another pack member?” she asked. Yoongi shook his head. “Well, can you think of anyone that wouldn’t want you two together?”

“Just her ex-boyfriend, but he’s not a wolf. I would’ve been able to tell when I first met him, right?” Bitna started to look guilty, remembering something she had forgotten to teach her son. “Right?” Yoongi asked again, desperate for an answer. If Chris was a wolf, then he was screwed.

“Well..” started Bitna. “Not if he’s not owned by another pack.”

“What?” asked Yoongi.

“Well you can only tell when a person’s a werewolf in human form when their apart of a pack. Wolves who aren’t in packs are hard to find cause they’re disguised so well. The only way a wolf gets thrown out of a pack is if they betray or break trust to them in some way. As further punishment, when in human form other wolves can’t tell them apart from regular humans, making it harder for them to find another pack.” she explained.

“So you’re telling me..” Yoongi huffed in annoyance “that asshole could actually succeed in taking her away from me? Mom, I’ve literally instigated him so much already cause I thought he was just a regular human!” he lowered his voice realizing there’s a chance someone could hear him. “If he really is a wolf then he’s gonna fucking kill me”

“Okay, first of all..” started Bitna, her motherly side coming out. “watch your language. Second, I’m not gonna let anything bad happen to you or Y/N, sweetheart.” She stroked Yoongi’s hair so help comfort him. He waited so long to find his mate, and Bitna would do anything for her son.

“I’m freaking out” Yoongi huffed. He rarely showed his feelings to anyone, let alone his mother. She pulled him in for a hug.

“I know, honey. Nothing bad is gonna happen I promise. I’ll put some wolves on watch over her house to protect her when you’re not there, okay?” Yoongi nodded his head. “If someone’s trying to claim your mate then you have to tell her about our world sooner. The more she understands what kind of danger she’s in, the safer she’ll be. Do you understand?” Yoongi nodded again, but slower this time. The two of them finally broke away from their hug.

“How did you tell dad?” He asked. Bitna had to dig deep in her memories, since he hadn’t thought about it in a while.

“We where laying in bed when I accidentally mentioned something about getting bonded. He just kinda looked at me funny and I panicked, so I just blurted out ‘I’m a wolf!’ He laughed, thinking it was a joke or something” Bitna laughed remember the scene that had played out that day “I kept trying to keep a serious face to get him to believe me, but he just thought I was really good at acting or something. I got kinda angry that he wasn’t believing me, so I changed to wolf form right then and there to show him.”

“Well, how’d he take it?” Yoongi asked.

“Oh, he was terrified! He ran out and didn’t speak to me for three days.” Bitna laughed like it was an hilarious joke to her. “But he’s my mate, Yoongi. The universe eventually brought us back together in a park one day. He admitted that he did miss me, but the wolf thing diffidently scared him. We went back to my house and I explained everything. It was a lot of him at first, but he came around... as will she. She might get scared at first but that won’t stop her from loving you. You have to do it eventually, sooner rather than later. You’ll feel so much better once you tell her, I promise.” Yoongi nodded, understanding what his mother was trying to say. “Now go join your friends! You look so tense, go relax a bit. You’re safe here, Yoongi.” she smiles. Looking back down at Yoongi’s pants, she says “Wait, wait! Go change first, you’re dragging mud all over my floor.” Yoongi smiled and headed upstairs to his room to change. Now being is his own clothes, be put the dirty one in his hamper and walked into the kitchen to join in on the conversation. Jungkook and Hoseok where standing in the middle trying to get a cracker from their eye to their mouth without using their hands, making everyone in the room laugh. Yoongi stood next to you while you leaned against the counter. Putting his arm around you, he kissed the top of your head. He shoulders where droopy and his facial expression leaked with stress.

“What’s wrong?” You asked quietly. You figured if something was wrong, he probably didn’t want to announce it to the whole group even if they where his best friends. Yoongi shook his head and waved his hand slight as a sign of saying ‘no’. You just nodded in response and went back to watching teenage boys play with their food. Jungkook was the one who won the game, being the first one to get the cracker in his mouth. Hoseok let the cracker fall from his face out of anger and stomped his way over to where everyone else was standing.

“You know what we should do?” Jimin declared. “We should go down to the hut and play the bottle game.” The ‘hut’ was an old abandoned playground the boys frond when they where kids, and the bottle game is the game they played almost everytime they went there. It was a simple game really, basically you just threw rocks at all the empty bottle teenagers left their whenever they went to drink. All the bottle would be spread out across the playground and whoever hit the bottle that was furthest away won. They’d play this game whenever they where stressed or sad or something. As wolves, breaking things was very therapeutic. At first, breaking things semmed like a good idea to Yoongi, but then he remembered that the hut was outside of the pack barriers and there was no way in hell he’d risk running into that wolf again.

“Nah ah, no. No way.” Yoongi stated.

“Awe, is someone still afraid of the wolf?” You said teasingly. You’ve never really seen Yoongi scared and noticeably vulnerable, it was kinda cute.

“Wolf?” Namjoon questioned.

“Yeah, there was a wolf chasing us earlier. Don’t worry about it though, it’s probably long gone by now.” You said. Namjoon was most diffidently worried. A wolf, chasing another wolf?

“Please Hyung!” Jungkook begged. The bottle game was his favorite. He was the most emotional in the group so breaking things for him helped him calm his nerves, even if he wasn’t really worked up at the moment. “We can all outfight a wolf if any do come!” Yoongi knew he was right. Jungkook and Jimin where very strong, that’s why Bitna had put them of the defense line at such a young age. Together they where impossible to beat. Namjoon and Jin where the smartest, and the best at making quick decisions and giving orders. Taehyung, Hoseok, and Yoongi where the fastest ones. With all seven of them combined they created a perfectly balanced team great for protection. Bitna had put them on protection jobs before, and they’ve never lost. Yoongi knew Jungkook had a point.

“Fine..” Yoongi gave in “But I don’t wanna be there for long, okay?” They all nodded their heads in agreement. Yoongi then informed his mother of where they where going. She wasn’t sure if it was the best thing at the moment to go outside of barrier walls, but then again, the seven of them have never been defeated before. After Bitna gave her approval, the eight of you grabbed your shoes and headed out the door.

You all traveled in a group to the playground. You had strayed away from Yoongi to join Jungkook and Jimin in the front. Yoongi was in the back hanging out with Namjoon. “What did Y/N mean when she said you where being chased by a wolf?” he asked.

“Exactly that” replied Yoongi. “It wasn’t a wolf for our pack, but it was challenging me for my mate.” Namjoon was shocked. Challenging another wolf for their mate was looked down upon, and was considered a disgrace. It rarely happened, but when it did, it always ended pretty nasty.

“Well, what are you gonna do?” He asked.

“I have no idea. I mean, I have to tell her even sooner now! She just can’t go walking around town not know what’s after her, but I kinda just want to shield her from all the bad things, ya know? I mean i just found her, and i refuse to let someone take her away.” Yoongi was rambling, something he rarely did, but he didn’t care.

“We’ll protect you both no matter what,” Namjoon comforted “and we won’t let anyone lay a finger on Y/N.” Yoongi just nodded in response. “I’ll make sure to tell the others to stay on high alert.”

“High alert for what?” Taehyung jumped in out of no where, making Namjoon flinch.

“Someone is challenging Yoongi for his mate, that’s why another wolf was chasing them earlier. Just keep a look out for anything suspicious.” Informed Namjoon.

“Oh shit, really? Im sorry, Hyung.” Taehyung didn’t know any other way to comfort his friend, but Yoongi appreciated it anyways. Along the rest of the way, Namjoon pulled the other four boys aside one by one to let them know about the situation. Jungkook’s heart instantly dropped and angered poured out of his ears. Not only was this wolf trying to hurt his brother, but he was also trying to take away his new best friend. Jungkook saw you as like an older sister to him, even calling you Noona a few times when he wanted something or was just in a sweet mood. He decided that he wouldn’t leave your side until you where back inside the pack barrier.

About another five minutes had passed before you where all at the playground. The play set looked rusty and unsteady, diffidently something that shouldn’t be climbed on. The wood chips on the ground had turned a dark brown color and the dirt underneath was starting to show. There was a fence the bordered the area but a good portion of it had been cut down. There where empty bottles left from drunk teenagers scattered everywhere along with other food and drink wrappers and bottles. Some lost shoes and old gloves lingered around as well, and it was obvious people came here often, but no one ever bothered to clean up. Even the seven boys never picked up their broken bottled they smashed, there was broken bottled everywhere, some where put into a pile to at least some sort of maintenance around here, but a lot where just randomly scattered around. The placed looked like a dump, but a frequently visited one. “Okay!” shouted Jin. “Y/N and Jungkook, you two look on the far side of the hut for unbroken bottles we can use. Jimin and Taehyung, you look on this side for bottles. Hoseok and Yoongi, go hunt for rocks in the woods so we have something to throw.”

“What about you and Namjoon?” asked Hoseok.

“We’ll keep an eye out.” he was referring to the dangerous wolf trying to challenge Yoongi.

“An eye out for what?” you asked. Jin froze, he forgot you still didn’t know.

“Uh- he means watch over everyone. Ya know, help find rocks but also help find bottles. Just supervise... n’ stuff.” Said Namjoon to cover for Jin. You just shrugged. Jin was the oldest and Namjoon did have a leader type role in the group, so it kinda made sense for them to watch over everyone. You all then split up to do the tasked you where assigned to do. You and Jungkook walked to the other side of the playground, like told, and started picking up any bottles that weren't smashed already. You had a few bottles in your hand, when you hear Jungkook calling you.

“Y/N! There’s more bottles over here!” He was pointing towards behind a boulder that was just outside the playground fence.

“Okay!” you shouted as you made your way over to where he was, and he was right, there was a lot more unbroken bottles. A group of kids must have been drinking here recently cause they all looked new, some bottles even still had a little bit of alcohol in them. As you and Jungkook where behind the rock, Yoongi and Hoseok where in the woods collecting rocks like told. That left Jin, Namjoon, Jimin, and Taehyung left on the playground, brushing away wood chips to see if there where any bottles hidden underneath. The only thing the boys heard where the sound of their own footsteps, they didn’t even notice when a stranger had appeared.

“Hello?” The stranger shouted. Taehyung was the first to lift his head up, followed by the other three boys. “Hi! Um, Im kinda lost. I was taking a hike and I lost the trail I was following. Could you maybe tell me how to get back to town? Oh! and would it be okay if i used someone’s phone? Mine died a while back and my sister probably worried sick.” Taehyung raised his eyebrow. Why did this guy look so familiar? How was he supposed to know this wasn’t the guy that was trying to challenge Yoongi? Taehyung turned his head back to ask for his Hyungs’ opinions. They all just looked at each other for a moment. Jin just shrugged and Namjoon just kept his expression blank. Taehyung couldn’t sense this guy was a wolf, so he must have really just been a lost hiker. Plus, if he was a wolf then he must have been smart enough to know there was no way he’d stand a chance against seven others.

“Yeah.. sure.” Taehyung said. The man then sighed in relief and stepped towards where the boy was standing. “It’s just a five minute walk that way to get to the main road.” he said as he pointed in the direction in which the eight of you came. He then reached in his pocket to pull out his phone for the stranger to use. In all honesty, it wasn’t unusual for the boys to meet a stranger here. People came here all the time to get drunk or high. Often people hiking who got lost always asked them for help, just like this situation now. Taehyung unlocked his phone and held it out for the man to take, but oddly enough the stranger didn’t/

“I’m Chris.” he introduced. Something about this guy gave Taehyung the spooks.

“Um.. Taehyung.” he replied, introducing himself back.

“Wait a minute!” Shouted Jimin. “You’re that guy from the pizza place, the one harassing our friend.” Jimin pushed Taehyung out of the way to stand right in front of Chris. The boys had already grown suspicious of Chris before the recognized him, but now that they know he had tried to hurt you before, there was no way they’d let him come any closer. There was a good chance this was the guy trying to claim you. All four of the boys had started to walk closer to form a mini wall in front of him.

“Oh..” Chris awkwardly chuckled “yeah, I was in idiot. Her boyfriend didn’t seem to like me very much, heh.”

“Yeah,” said Jimin “he doesn’t.” The two stared intense eye contact for a few seconds before someone came walking out of the woods.

Hoseok and Yoongi had collected a lot of rocks and their arms where starting to get heavy, so they decided to walk back. Yoongi’s heart shot up in fear and anger when he saw the one person he was sure was trying to challenge him for his mate. Immediately he dropped all the rocks and rushed over. He was panicking cause he didn’t know where you where, you didn’t seem to be anywhere in sight. “What are you doing here?” Yoongi shouted. Chris’s eyes looked like they could shoot out fire when he saw Yoongi walking towards him.

“Im lost” said Chris.

“Lost my ass, what are you really doing here?” By the way Chris was looking at him, there was no doubt this was the wolf from earlier. Chris just chuckled as he rolled his neck.

“Well... again, I didn’t come to start anything... today” he claimed.

“You sure seemed to want to start something this morning.” Yoongi gritted through his teeth. Chris just smiled. That was conformation for everyone in the group that this was the guy trying to claim you.

“You figured it out, huh? I have to say I enjoyed watching you run. You’re more of a pussy than I thought you where.” He chuckled. “So, where is she? I know you came here with her, I wanna see her.”

“She’s busy.” Cut in Namjoon. Just at that moment, you and Jungkook came out behind the rock and where walking towards the group. Since the six of them where blocking Chris from your direction, you couldn’t tell what was going on.

“Hyung!” Jungkook shouted “We got bottles, and a lot of them too!” The whole group turned around, reveling who they where all standing in front of. Your smile vanished when you saw it was your least favorite person on the planet.

“Chris?” you shouted “What the fuck are you doing here?” How the heck did he even find you guys out here anyways? Chris just smiled at you. ‘Oh god,’ you thought ‘what is he up to now?’

“Im here for you sweetheart!” he said back. Jungkook stopped in his tracks when he pieced together what was happening from context clues. The both of you where only half way across the playground when he put his hand in front of you to stop you from walking any closer. “What are you doing?” you asked him.

“Don’t go any closer.” he said.

“Kookie, it’s just my ex. He’s a dick and the worst he’ll do is try and convince me to be with him again.” You found his protectionist cute, but unnecessary.

“No,” he said sternly “Im serious, don’t move.” Now you where really confused. Why was everyone freaking out? It’s just Chris. Jungkook then stood in front of you to use his body as a shield.

“Fine.” Chris said “You won’t come to me then I’ll come to you.” he started walking towards you but didn’t make it very far, cause Hoseok pushed him back. Everytime he’d try and push his way through one of the boys would hold him back. Chris realized he wasn’t gonna get to you unless he did something about it. he then turned to Yoongi. “Have you told her yet?” he asked. Yoongi just raised his eyebrow, “about what we are?” Yoongi didn’t respond but Chris got the hint that you where still clueless. “Well,” he said “Then I’ll make it easier for you.”

You didn’t see much, all you saw was Chris falling to the floor and the boys started to back up. What was going on? Was Chris drunk or something? “Jungkook!” Yoongi shouted “Get her out of here!” In an instant Jungkook took your hand and started running. The other boys had all started to transform into their wolf forms to stop Chris from getting any closer. There was no way in hell they’d be able to stop him in their human forms.

Jungkook thought he was running fast enough so you wouldn’t be able to see anything, but he was wrong. The last thing you saw was your boyfriend’s body shifting in an ungodly way. Suddenly, you recognized his form had turned into the wolf from the lake. Seeing him and his friend’s bodied morph into beasts made you stop running to look back. Jungkook realized you let go and looked back to see you watching the scene take place. It must have been too much for you, cause your face turned white and had the look for pure horror on your face.

The last thing you remembered was falling to the ground, and everything went black.

End of Chapter 4

{Hi lovelies! Oh my gosh Im so sorry this was a day late. I started school and things have been pretty busy recently but I hope you enjoyed the chapter regardless. I’ll be updating every Saturday now (maybe Sundays if I need a bit more time) but yeah. Feel free to ask questions or make comments. The smut scene is coming soon I promise. It’ll either be next chapter or the chapter afterwards, depending on how the story line plays out. Okay, that’s it! Have a nice day!}

#bts ff #bts suga #bts yoongi #werewolf au #yoongi werewolf #suga werewolf #inamorata #bts smut #bts fanfiction #suga smut #suga ff #suga fanfiction #min yoongi #yoongi ff #fanfiction #ff

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ghostbustershq · 3 years ago

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Out Today, Randy Edelman's 1989 Ghostbusters II Score Album!

The wait is over! After 30+ years of fans wondering if they’ll ever get an official release of Randy Edelman’s bouncy and jovial score to Ghostbusters II, today is the day! Sony Masterworks has remastered and released 16 tracks, including three that have been newly recorded and one scored for the film but not ultimately used.

Stay tuned to the HQ for an in-depth analysis of the score, we’ll be doing our best impression of David Collins soon and trying to line up some of the cues with the film to see what and where material was unused or altered in post production.

And don’t forget the vinyl release hits October 16th. As previously mentioned here on the site, there are glow-in-the-dark Barnes and Noble and Mondo exclusives forthcoming. Stay tuned for more information on those as it develops.

In the meantime, here’s much more information from the good folks at Sony Masterworks:

GHOSTBUSTERS II

ORIGINAL MOTION PICTURE SCORE BY RANDY EDELMAN

AVAILABLE TO STREAM FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER & ON CD TODAY

SCORE TO THE 1989 FILM CLASSIC WILL ALSO BE AVAILABLE FOR THE FIRST TIME ON VINYL BEGINNING FRIDAY, OCTOBER 15 – PREORDER NOW

NEW YORK, NY – For the first time ever and 32 years after the film’s 1989 release, the Original Score to Ghostbusters II is now available to stream and on CD format today from Sony Classical – LISTEN HERE. Featuring score music by award-winning musician, producer and composer Randy Edelman, the 16-track album includes original recordings of the film classic’s score as well as 3 newly re-recorded tracks and an additional song originally recorded by Edelman for the film but not featured in its final production. The album will also be available in vinyl format beginning Friday, October 16, arriving as a gatefold set featuring photos from the film – PREORDER HERE.

Of the score, composer RANDY EDELMAN says, “In Ghostbusters II, the characters and storyline were expertly conceived and then acted in the sequel brilliantly. The story took place a few years later, but in a sense each character already had a distinct personality, which hadn’t changed a bit. In a way, they carried their own music and soul with them. Their interactions in each scene would determine if musical accompaniment was necessary, and, in most cases, it was not. The new storyline and menace the city of New York was facing, the dark nature of the evil Carpathian, that was where this score would be most urgent. That and the supernatural, explosive and inventive methods of the group of our forward-thinking pals, was where the heart of my score would and should lie. Though I had watched and thoroughly loved the original film several years before, I decided not to view it during my involvement with the sequel. I knew I needed to carefully sculpt a musical palette for this new specific screenplay and did not reference any aspect of the original movie, trying to give Ghostbusters II a well-deserved, new color all its own. I will always appreciate the fact that this decision of mine was never once questioned.”

Speaking of his collaborators to the project, Randy continues, “Upon looking back at any score after so many years, a composer is surely cognizant of those who they were surrounded by, in a process that is always so challenging in many ways. In the case of the sequel to Ghostbusters, I was working on one of my first large scale orchestral works and one that followed the great success of the first movie. I was assisted by the great orchestrator, Mr. Greig McRitchie, music editor Kathy Durning, and engineers Elton Ahi and Robert Fernandez. I have elsewhere here thanked [Director] Ivan Reitman for a stern, yet assuring hand, in his direction at all times, and his confidence in trusting me totally throughout the always delicate process. The large orchestra gave me a spiritual high at each session, and I thank all the wonderful players who participated and lent their talent to my efforts. I got to revisit a few thematic moments for this collection, and it was a blast to be able to do that. It brought back all those incredible memories, and made that magic happen right now, once more. How lucky to experience it over again – I am one fortunate piano player!”

ABOUT RANDY EDELMAN

Music royalty with a career challenging the longevity that rivals the Queen of England, composer, conductor, singer and celebrated piano phenomena Randy Edelman has long been given tribute as one of the most profound and recognizable film, television, and sports soundtrack architects on the planet. A hybrid fusion of Mozart and Bruce Springsteen, there seems to be a certain bedazzlement or wizardry connected to him and his music that leaves a trail of glitter behind never to be forgotten.

Raised in Teaneck New Jersey, Randy was born with the ability to hear music and transcribe it onto the piano. After a brief quarrel with fate where Randy was temporally thrust into the pursuit of pre-med, he moved into full-time piano and composition study at the Cincinnati Music Conservatory where he was then able to follow his unquestionable destiny. He eventually procured an arranging assignment at James Brown’s King Records. In 1970 Randy relocated to New York to work as a staff writer at CBS Records while simultaneously playing piano in Broadway pit orchestras.

Like a seductive alchemist Randy began to write and record his own albums transforming the world’s anguish into a narrative of truth and granting him a thriving audience in the UK and a television spot on “Top of the Pops.” After enjoying the triumph of the British collective effervescence at the London Palladium and Drury Lane Theatre, Randy began to pursue a new interest in LA where he became interested in creating the life, blood and essence of the movies through music, making the plainest faces come alive with promise.

Randy is responsible for creating an endless cascade of many of the world’s most known soundtracks including: Ghostbusters II, 27 Dresses, While You Were Sleeping, The Last of the Mohicans, Kindergarten Cop, Dragonheart, XXX, Twins, My Cousin Vinny, The Mask, Beethoven, Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story, Anaconda, Mummy 3, Gettysburg, Billy Madison, Leap Year, The Whole Nine Yards, EdTV, Daylight and an endless array of others. Some of the television shows and series he scored include: MacGyver, Mr. Sunshine, Backdraft 2 for Netflix, and Citizen X for HBO. These credits only touch the surface of his accomplishments. He has also created the music for “Dare Mighty Things” for NASA’s final Shuttle launch, “Wimbledon, Grand Slam Tennis Series” for ESPN, “ESPN Sports Century,” and even the NBC “on air” Olympic Theme, of which he has celebrated over 20 years of Olympic themed glory keeping the musical flame alive.

Aside from crafting and orchestrating the scores that gave life to the films, a myriad of artists have covered and recorded Randy’s original songs from his solo albums. Included in that catalog is Barry Manilow’s “Weekend in New England,” The Carpenters’ “I Cant Make Music” and Nelly’s “My Place,” reaching Number 1 on the Billboard Hip Hop charts. Others include Willie Nelson’s “Down in the Everglades,” Patti LaBelle’s “Isn’t it a Shame,” Olivia Newton John’s “If Love is Real,” Blood, Sweat & Tears’ “Blue Street,” Royal Philharmonic’s “Grey,” and a list that continues endlessly. Randy has also opened live in breathtaking arenas for icons such as Frank Zappa and The Carpenters.

Randy has also received some of the most prestigious awards including BMI Top Grossing Film Awards, BMI’s highest honor, the Richard Kirk Award for Outstanding Career Achievement, the Lifetime Achievement Award in Film Scoring and Composition, the Best Accolade from the Los Angeles Film Awards, an Honorary Doctorate of Fine Arts and an Emmy for the close of the Olympic Broadcast.

Like a musical Chameleon, Randy continues to compose and record, lighting up the world like fireworks plunging into the night sky and shattering the darkness. The grand composer of modern and future times has just released his highly anticipated anthemic song of hope and inspiration titled “Comin’ Out the Other Side.” The single is now available worldwide via Soho Records. The song promotes an epidemic of joy and happiness as a grand finale to a time best forgotten….

He continues to work on the score for his musical, “Short Cut,” telling of the construction of the Panama Canal. Most recently Sony Masterworks is releasing Randy Edelman’s orchestral score to Ghostbusters II in all formats....

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saturnmyg · 7 years ago

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Born to die part one | Min Yoonji x reader

word count: 2925

pairing: min yoonji x reader

summary: forced by the principal yoonji tries everything to get her crush Y/n to attend school but something from the past is holding you back

Author note: this is dedicated to my lovely friend @cherrimonn who loves yoonji with her whole being, she is mainly the inspiration for this fic beside this other fic that she linked me up with. thank you peachi and love you!!!

‘'Oh look who decided to grace us!'' Snickered Y/n as she was sitting on the couch next to a girl with pink hair. Yoonji stood in front of her, arms crossed with a frown painting her face.

''You should be at school-''

Y/n interrupted her '' yeah well so should you but here you are ,so whats you point.''

Yoonji sighed '' As i was saying before you rudely interrupted me-'' She glared at Y/n ''-the principal made me come here to drag your ass back to school, believe me i don't want this as much as you do.''

Y/n rolled her eyes at that and took at drag of her cigaret. '' Since we all agree that we don't want you here why don't you do us a favor and just leave?''

She asked and blew the smoke right into Yoonji's face. The girl seemed unfazed by the action and sighed again. She was starting to get annoyed of Y/n. Sure Yoonji was the honor student and Class rep but that didn't mean that the Principal had to force her to go look for Y/n right? Well obviously not cause here she was, in what she assumed to be the living room with three other people that were skipping school.

''Lets make a deal'' Y/n's voice ripped her back to reality ''You leave today and tell the principal i'm sick and ill be in class tomorrow''

Yoonji raised an eyebrow at that. ''Do you really think i believe you?''

Y/n shrugged her shoulders '' thats up to you but as you said you don't want to be here so it ain't like you got anything to lose right?''

Wrong Yoonji thought, she had a lot to lose, firstly her own dignity in being a perfectionist with every task she's assigned to even if they came in a form like this situation. ''Alright i agree, but if you don't show up ill hunt you down, not even your little friends can help you then'' Yoonji replied and squinted her eyes.

At that Y/n jumped up , their faces only a few inches away from each other. ''Oh but you think money can?'' she hissed and jabbed her finger into Yoonji's chest ''Try me, i'll show you that money cant save your sorry ass''

Yoonji smirked at that ''we'll see''.

The next day Yoonji stood in front of the same door as yesterday. She sighed she didn't know why she even had a glimpse of hope that Y/n would appear in class when it was clear as a day that she wouldn't keep her end of the deal. She knocked and a few seconds later the door opened revealing the pink haired girl.

''What do you want?'' She asked and leaned against the door ''If you're looking for Y/n try somewhere else, she hasn't come home since you left yesterday''

Yoonji raised her eyebrows at that ''Let me in i want to see it for myself.'' The girl sighed and stepped away letting the black haired girl walk into the apartment.

Yoonji walked into the living room where a group of girls were chilling on the couch passing a joint around while music was playing in the background. She sighed and crossed her arms. The pink haired girl was right, there were no traces of Y/n.

''Do you know when she'll be back?'' Yoonji asked.

The nameless girl ran her hands through her hair ''Listen i don't know when she'll come back, you can stay here and wait for her or come back in a few hours , i don't care.'' Yoonji's frown deepened at that. She opened her mouth to say something one of the girls on the couch interrupted her

'Tae-hui its your turn'' the girl said and held the joint towards her. She accepted it with a smile, took a drag and looked at Yoonji.

''You want some?'' she asked as she blew out the smoke. ''No thank you'' Yoonji replied monotone and crinkled her nose in disgust. Tae-hui shrugged her shoulders and continued to smoke.

''If Y/n comes back hold her here and call me'' At that the tall girl raised her eyebrow

'' Thats between ya'll ,either you pay me or you do it on your own.'' She retorted and held out her hand as if she was waiting for a payment.

''You know what , never mind'' Yoonji sighed, turned around and walked out of the apartment. The Principal is going to kill her if she doesn't get Y/n to attend school. Where in the wold could she be? She pondered as she was walking down the road. From far she could make out a person walking or rather limping towards her. The person seemed to be rather wobbly on their feet as they bumped into Yoonji as they passed by.

''Watch out'' barked a rather familiar strained voice.

''Y/n?'' Yoonji asked and the person she assumed to be said girl halted immediately. ''Y/n?'' she repeated and stepped closer to the girl.

Y/n groaned and staggered. Alarmed Yoongi rushed over and tried to hold her up. ''Fuck why are you so heavy'' Yoonji grunted as Y/n had one arm over her shoulder.

''My day's already been fucked up but now i had to meet the grand Bitch herself '' Y/n muttered and held on to Yoonji.

'Where have you been? what happened to you? Why didn't you hold on to the promise?''

Y/n only groaned at that ''Can you not? Im dying over here''

''No shit Sherlock'' Replied Yoonji with an raised eyebrow. ''Lets go to my place i doubt you have anything sanitary in that house'' She stated and took out her phone calling the Driver that usually drove her to any destination. Y/n stayed silent, breathing through her mouth, her head hanging low letting her hair fall into her face .

A few minutes later Driver Kim pulled up and jumped out of the car. ''Miss is everything alright? the text sounded urgent'' he said and looked at Yoonji until he saw Y/n leaning against her.

'Oh my god'' he gushed and took over in holding up Y/n ''Miss get in the car we have to treat her immediately before she passes out or worse dies'' She rolled her eyes at that. Driver Kim was always so dramatic making an elephant out of a fly.

As they got into the car she took out the phone and dialed her private doctor and told him to come to her Mansion as fast as possible. Fifteen minutes later they arrived and they rushed inside. They put her into the one of the thousand rooms she had and five minutes later a disheveled Doctor ran into room. ''Miss Min what could it possible be to be calling me at this hour'' he heaved and ran his hand through his hair. She nodded towards the passed out girl laying on the bed. He Immediately started to work on her wound and an half an hour later he was finished.

He took off his gloves and turned towards Yoonji '' She was lucky that you called me any longer and she might've died of blood loss'' The look of surprise flashed across her face

''She needs to take the pain meds for a few days and keep the stitches clean.''He said, stood up and walked over to the door ''Of course the best would be if she could visit a doctor in a week for a check up'' He bowed and bit his farewells.

Yoonji who was still seated next to the bed looked at Y/n who was now sleeping peacefully. Her face looked soft compared to when she's awake. She sighed ''Why do you have to make everything so hard'' she whispered and stood up ''Good night'' and flicked the light off.

The next morning Yoonji didn't expect to find the room empty. No little note or any other type of message that could locate where Y/n was. The black haired girl pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. Where the hell has that girl gone to now? she wondered . She looked over to the clock and saw that it was time to go to school. She'd worry about Y/n later right now her biggest concern was the Principal. She really didn't want lose her reputation and shell make sure that Y/n attends school even if thats the last thing she'll do.

She greeted the people in the classroom as she entered and sat down at her table. Suddenly she heard people start to whisper and as she lifted her head she saw why. Y/n just entered the Classroom, bruised and battered, her uniform sloppy and her hair in a bun and mostly looking bored. She sat down next and laid her head on the table. Yoonji stood up and walked over to Y/n.

''Why did you leave without telling me'' She asked and crossed her arms. Y/n ignored her '' shouldn't you at least say thank you to the person who saved your life?''

''Ok but no one asked you to?'' Y/n replied annoyed and lifted her head to glare at Yoonji. The black haired girl raised her eyebrows at that ''You would have died if i didn't'

'' Id rather be dead'' Y/n retorted. ''Well its not like i care what you want but the principal told me your grades are shitty and now i have to tutor you-'' Y/n grimaced at that ''So meet me after school and we'll go to my place to study'' Y/n groaned but still agreed to do it. At that Yoonji left and went back to her seat.

How did i end up like this Yoonji wondered, here she thought she'd have to tutor Y/n but it turned out she was way smarter than Yoonji. ''Listen you got the answer wrong e is 55'' Y/n said and pointed at the equation. ''How did you even come to that result?'' Yoonji asked in disbelieve and ran her hand through her hair.

Y/n stood up and sat next to her pulling her material with her '' listen closely i'm going to explain this for the last time you hear?'' Yoonji nodded. It wasn't her fault that she couldn't concentrate or get the equation right. Everything about Y/n distracted her, especially when she was sitting right next to her where she could smell her faint perfume. See how ever so slightly her Y/n's lashes would touch her cheeks when she blinked or looked down. The way she tucked her hair behind her ear.

It wasn't like her crush came out of nowhere. She'd been harboring feelings for Y/n since the beginning of high school when they shared the same class for the first time. There was just something about her, Yoonji was labeled as mysterious but the real mystery was Y/n. She wasn't popular per se but it wasn't like she was unknown in school.

''Yoonji are you listening to me'' Y/n said and waved her hand in front of Yoonji's face. The black haired girl blinked a few times

''yes i am''

''you're not you had this weird look on your face'' Y/n said and smiled for the first time since they've met. Yoonji was mesmerized by it. ''You know this is the first time you've smiled'' She blurted out.

Yoonji wanted to slap herself for that ''Oh really?'' Y/n hummed a smile still on her face. ''You're actually pretty funny you know that?'' she said and ruffled Yoonji's hair. She huffed and swatted Y/n's hand ''I'm not''

''Sure whatever you say sweet cheeks'' Y/n replied and turned towards the homework. ''So as i was saying''

Its been fifteen minutes and Y/n wasn't there. To say that Yoonji was pissed was an understatement. If there was something that Yoonji hated more than everything in the world it would be being unpunctual. Well it partly was her fault, she didn't have Y/n's phone number because the girl didn't own a damn phone. Saying that she'd enjoyed not being available. 20 minutes have passed and Yoonji is still waiting for Y/n at the coffee shop.

They had been meeting up in the past few months for tutor but Yoonji always saw them as dates

Right before she could stand up two guys came up to her table. ''Wassup babe we saw you sitting here alone, date stood you up? ''

Yoonji sighed and looked blankly at the boy. ''No and even if that was the case you'd be the last person i'd hang around with'' she replied and tilted her head.

At that he got angry ''Damn no need to get all bitchy'' he said and lifted his hand to grab her. Right before he could touch Yoonji a hand held him back.

''I think she made it clear that she doesn't want anything to do with you'' came Y/n's voice. Said girl pushed past the boys and sat opposite of Yoonji.

''Sorry sweet cheeks something came up'' she said and gave her a loop sided smile . She looked like a hot ass mess, hair that was tied into a bun but still frazzled , the uniform was sloppier than usual and she had fresh bruises on her face. ''I'm still annoyed at you for being 20 minutes late'' Yoonji said unimpressed and stirred her cold coffee.

''As i said-'' the h/c colored girl said and took out homework ''- something came up'' Yoonji hummed at that.

Almost two hours had passed since they started to work on their homework. Y/n looked up, stretched and yawned. The coffeeshop was deserted beside the two girls there were only a few people there. She looked out of the window and froze. ''Fuck'' Y/n muttered ''Yoonji pack your shit now'' Yoonji looked at the girl confused ''What why?''

''For the sake of our lives just listen to me for once and pack your shit'' she hissed as she threw her stuff back into her bag. Yoonji complied and stood up.

''Listen put your hoodie up they haven't seen your face yet''

''What who?, who are they?'' Yoonji whispered back but got no reply from the taller girl. Instead she grabbed her arm and bolted out of the shop. Yoonji noticed two people dressed in black were following them and she started to get nervous. Silently she tugged on Y/n's sweater in which the girl responded with tightening her grip on her arm.

A few minutes later Y/n saw a huge shopping centre and they entered it. At this point you could say they were running. ''why are we in the mall'' Yoonji whispered loudly. ''Stop talking'' Y/n growled and dragged the smaller girl into what seemed to be a clothing shop. She looked around and instantly went to where the hoodies were. Y/n picked out a dark red and a blue hoodie that was way to big for both girls and walked to the cashier register and paid for both of them.

Handing Yoonji the blue hoody she motioned for her to get changed and showed her through gestures she'd be in the stall next to her. two minutes later they both stood outside the shop, dressed in different clothing than before as Y/n pulled Yoonji into a hug.

'' Don't freak out we're pretending to be a couple-'' she whispered into girl's ear as Yoonji's heart started to beat loudly. Yoonji gulped , nodded and wrapped her arms around Y/n's torso. ''-Take out your phone and write whoever drives you to school to come and pick you up''

''What about you?'' she asked and looked up to Y/n , after she sent the message to the driver.

Said girl smiled sadly and caressed yoonji's cheek. ''I'm not worried about me i'm worried about you-'' Her faced hardened and she took Yoonji's hand-''you cant be pulled into this mess, you know-'' Yoonji's phone rang interrupting Y/n, signaling that Driver Kim was waiting outside.

''I'm sorry what were you saying?'' Yoonji asked and declined the call. Y/n just shook her head ''doesn't matter c'mon lets get you out of here''

Yoonji just nodded and took her hand as they walked outside and saw the Mercedes parked right in front of the shopping centre. She couldn't understand the expression on Y/n's face before she was interrupted. Y/n opened the car door and gently pushed Yoonji inside. ''I know she's rich and all but please make sure you bring home safely '' She pleaded to Driver Kim. The bald middle aged man just nodded and smiled warmly at her.

Y/n turned around and took one step before Yoonji almost flung herself out of the car just to hold onto the girl '' When is the next time i'll be able to see you?'' she asked , she didn't know what came over her its like she had this feeling that today might be the last time she'd see Y/n. The taller girl smiled sadly and cupped Yoonji's cheek and leaned her forehead against Yoonji's ''Soon'' she whispered , pain flashing across her face.

Too soon Y/n stood up straight, nodded towards Driver Kim and watched as they drove away. Yoonji who was still starring out of the tinted window saw how Y/n's expression fell , turned around and started to run.

#min yoonji x reader #bts x reader #reader insert #bangtan x reader #min yoonji #kpop x reader #min yoonji scenarios #bangtan fanfiction

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creacherkeeper · 8 years ago

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“am i autistic?” a step by step guide

so there are some resources out there about learning about autism and trying to determine if you’re autistic, but i figured some folks would appreciate a nice neat step by step guide. this is intended to be used by adults, but older children can certainly follow these steps as well and get something out of it

first off, hello! dont be afraid! whether or not you determine you’re autistic at the end of this, it’s always great to learn more about yourself! try not to think of this as a serious thing. what you determine isn’t going to change anything about yourself, just give you a new perspective. whatever changes is up to you

before you start, open a new word document. you can title it 'autism tests’ or something cheesy like ‘my autism journey’. you’ll use this to keep record of things as you follow the steps

**allistics feel free to try it out and signal boost!**

step one: quizzes!!

who doesn’t love a good quiz? we’re starting with quizzes because diagnostic criterion can be scary and confusing. try not to think too long about these questions, go with your first instinct. don’t second guess yourself. if you’re having trouble answering them yourself, take them with a person who knows you well

A. short quiz - 50 short questions. takes 10-20 minutes to complete (warning in the results section for ableist language like ‘suffers from’ and ‘impairments’. just pay attention to the number)

did you get a 30 or up? did you get a number lower than that but feel like you want to keep going? write it down in your word document, and lets go on to the next quiz

B. long quiz - 124 questions. takes 30 minutes to an hour to complete. it says ‘aspie’ but this is a good tool for autism in general

you’ll get two scores, an aspie score, and a neurotypical score. go ahead and write these down. this test is a pretty good indicator, so pay attention to what it says before you decide if you want to continue

step two: the criteria

okay, so you’ve taken the quizzes. you probably have some prior knowledge, but you might be asking yourself, what IS autism, exactly? what does it entail? we’re gonna go ahead and take a look at some of the criteria of what autism is, and what autistic traits are, so we can get a fuller picture

A. asan’s about autism page - here’s a very simple overview of some autistic traits. it has seven points. does this sound like you? copy the headers into your document, and see if you can come up with one example of how each one fits you. if you cant think of one, ask yourself if it fit when you were younger but doesn’t anymore (you might want to ask your parents or childhood caregivers if these fit you as a child).

still want to keep going? lets get a little more detailed

B. revised autism criteria - okay so this one has some more heft to it, it goes into a lot of detail, but dont let that frighten you! just take it one step at a time. like last time, copy the headers into your document. for each point you relate to, copy that into your doc underneath it. can you think of specific examples where these criteria applied to you? if you can think of ways you relate that aren’t listed on this page, go ahead and write those down under the appropriate headers (in parentheses so you know those are what you added)

C. if you’re feeling like these criteria apply to you, go ahead and take a peek at the dsm v criteria for autism. if you’re in the us, this is what your diagnostician will be using if you choose to pursue a diagnosis. pretty much all these points are covered by the revised criteria above, so dont feel like you have to put any of this in your document if you dont want to

D. still not sure? if some of this feels like it applies to you, but it doesnt fit quite right, you might relate more to what’s called ‘atypical autism’. it’s still autism, but it manifests in a different way than what is more stereotypical. this is more common in people assigned female at birth, but can apply to any gender. go ahead and check it out here. if you find these things fit, do like you did before and copy and paste it into your document [edit] link is broken please see bottom of post!

keep in mind that many allistic (non-autistic) traits can be learned, so you have to look at all these things as how they can apply to you in childhood as well. while autistic people can learn things such as allistic body language, and allistic social skills, the key here is that they were learned. it doesn’t come naturally. autistic people may be very good at these things, but it will always feel like something of a performance, and can be very draining cognitively

step three: review

okay, so we’ve done our quizzes, and we’ve reviewed the criteria. you should have a pretty good overview of what autism is at this point, and how you might relate to it. go ahead and take a look at your document. how long is it? how many things did you copy down?

if you copied down a small amount of things: you’re probably not autistic. but you’ve now learned some more about autism, and some more about yourself! congratulations!

if you copied down a medium amount: you might be autistic. before you continue, go ahead and check out some conditions that we call ‘austim cousins’. these are neurodivergencies that have overlapping traits with autism. take a look at adult adhd, ocd, and schizophrenia (the negative symptoms of schizophrenia overlap with many autistic traits). do you feel that one of these might fit you better? if not, go ahead and continue to step four

if you copied down a large amount: you’re probably autistic! go ahead and continue to step four

step four: exploring a diagnosis

so, you think you might be autistic. what to do now? the first thing to do would be to continue researching on your own any points of confusion you had. if you have specific questions, a good place to ask is the ask an autistic blog. they also have a resources page with links to pages that deal with specific autism traits, like echolalia, burnout, and meltdowns

after you’ve researched to your satisfaction, the next step would be a diagnosis. you have two options here: self diagnosis or a professional diagnosis

self diagnosis means that you approach things with the understanding that you are autistic, and you are free to immerse yourself in the autistic community if you so choose. professional diagnosis means that this understanding of yourself is confirmed by a professional such as a qualified therapist, doctor, or diagnostician

what are the pros and cons of a professional diagnosis?

pros: an official label, if you like those. accommodations in school or in the workplace. the chance to pursue ssi, if you are unable to work due to autism

cons: finding someone to diagnose you as an adult can be difficult, especially if you are a woman or identify more with atypical autism. there is the possibility of a misdiagnosis. it is not covered by insurance and can be expensive. there is a stigma attached to the diagnosis. if you wanted to go into the us army, you would not be able to with a professional diagnosis. possible discrimination in child custody battles

no one can decide for you which is the best path, so take some time to think about it. if you decide you are happy self diagnosing, then congratulations! this part of the journey is over, and you can move freely into your life as a newly realized autistic person. know that even without a professional diagnosis, you are still autistic, and no one can take that away from you. you can go ahead and skip to the end

if you’ve decided to pursue a professional diagnosis, here are the next steps you can take:

A. if you are currently seeing a trusted therapist, ask them for a recommendation for a local diagnostician. they might know someone in the area who has experience diagnosing adults, if they cannot do it themselves. if you’re not seeing a therapist, hit up google and search ‘adult autism diagnosis’ + your city name

B. have you or someone you trust make some calls to local diagnosticians. ask them how much experience they have diagnosing adults, if they have experience diagnosing women (if this applies to you), what their fees are, and exactly what their process is

C. make an appointment! this can be scary, but i promise it doesn’t have to be

D. at the appointment (which may be one day or broken up into several days), you will be interviewed about your experiences and childhood, and asked to fill out paperwork (this will be similar to the quizzes you did earlier). there will be several games you will play, like memory games and puzzles. you can choose to share your document with the diagnostician. another appointment will be made where you get the results

step 5: your new life

you’ve made it! you now know that you’re autistic, and a new part of your life is beginning. there is a lot of joy to discover now that you’ve realized this about yourself. you can find a community, relearn old stims, and understand and accept behavior that may have confused you before. the biggest part of this new life is acceptance. there is nothing bad or broken about you, you are just autistic, and that’s okay! go ahead and reopen that document, and put a big ol smiley face at the end, because you did it! you know more about yourself, and you can now connect with the world in a new way. welcome to the autistic community :) we’re glad to have you

[edit] thank you rowan for letting me know the link was broken and saving this info for me!

Appearance / Personal Habits

Dresses comfortably due to sensory issues and practicality

Will not spend much time on grooming and hair. Hairstyles usually have to be ‘wash and wear’. Can be quite happy not grooming at all at times.

Eccentric personality; may be reflected in appearance

Is youthful for their age, in looks, dress, behaviour, and tastes

Usually a little more expressive in face and gesture than some other Autistic people

Enjoys reading and films as a retreat, often scifi, fantasy, children’s, can have favourites which are a refuge

Usually happiest at home or in other controlled environment.

Intellectual / Giftedness / Education / Vocation

May have been diagnosed as Autistic when young, or may have been thought of as gifted, shy, sensitive, etc. May also have had obvious or severe learning deficits

Often musical, artistic

May have a savant skill or strong talent(s)

May have a strong interest in computers, games, science, graphic design, inventing, things of a technological and visual nature. More verbal thinkers may gravitate to writing, languages, cultural studies, psychology

May have been a self-taught reader, been hyperlexic as a child, and will possess a wide variety of other self-taught skills as well

Highly intelligent, yet sometimes can be slow to comprehend due to sensory and cognitive processing issues

Will not do well with verbal instruction - needs to write down or draw diagram

Obsessions (passions / special interests) are not necessarily unusual

Emotional / Physical

Emotionally immature and emotionally sensitive

More open to talk about feelings and emotional issues than people with typical autism

Strong sensory issues - sounds, sights, smells, touch, and prone to overload. (May not have taste/food texture issues.)

Stims to soothe when sad or agitated; rocking, face-rubbing, humming, finger flicking, leg bouncing, finger or foot tapping, etc

Similarly physical when happy - hand-flapping, clapping, singing, jumping, running around, dancing, bouncing

Hates injustice and hates to be misunderstood; this can incite anger and rage

Prone to mutism when stressed or upset, especially after a meltdown. Less likely to stutter than some other Autistic people but may have a raspy voice, monotone at times, when stressed or sad

Social / Relationships

Is very outspoken at times, may get very fired up when talking about passions / special interests / obsessions

Can be very shy or mute

Like people with typical autism, will shut down in social situations once overloaded, but is generally better at socialising in small doses. May even give the appearance of being skilled, but it is a “performance”

Doesn’t go out much. Will prefer to go out with partner only or children if they have them (note from typist: I find I have a short list of “safe people” who I prefer to go out with, and I will refuse to go out if none of those people are available)

Will not have many close friends, and will not conform to gender stereotypical activities with friends, or have get-togethers to “hang out” with friends

Will have a close friend or friends in school, but not once adulthood is reached

May or may not want to have a relationship. If they are interested in a relationship, they probably take it very seriously, but may choose to remain celibate or alone

#okay here it is!#been working on this for a few days #wading into the deep end of autism research can be really scary when youre just starting out #so i figured this might help some people #if youre like me and like step by step things #i encourage everyone to at least take the first quiz and see what the results are! never know what you might find out!#actuallyautistic #actually autistic #autism

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zeroconnectionn · 6 years ago

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been writing braime au drabbles on my priv acct for fun but i cant finish any of them so..... to those looking for ideas, here are some au’s that i can’t get off my mind and would love to see more of in ao3/tumblr (under the cut bc it’s so long im so sorry):

crimson peak - i mean c’mon... it’s perfect guys.....i have no idea who would play dr. alan though. maybe the hound??? but like platonic

real steel - lisTEN i couldnt stop thinking about this all day... selwyn is jaime’s former boxing coach... which makes brienne his old-and-soon-to-be-rekindled flame that practiced w him back in the day... cersei + robert are dead and there’s a custody battle over lil tommen.... jaime, his “nephew” tommen, and brienne teach Oath, the sparring robot some killer boxing moves and fight their way to robo championship, becoming a family

pacific rim - i found only one on ao3!! braime would totally be drift compatible and the best part is that cersei doesnt have to be evil here. in my drabble, jaime loses cersei and his right hand to a category 5 kaiju attack. cue angst. he retires as a pilot but decides to stay at the base to train cadets (the real reason he cant pilot anymore is because he keeps chasing after cersei in the drift, clinging onto her memory desperately ohoho). brienne is one of the cadets he trains but jaime cant stand her naivete and b/w outlook on the world (deep down tho, its because he once held the same ideals as she did that resulted in cersei’s death. he sees her as a liability to her future co-pilot) so he picks on her a lot. brienne, sick of his shit, boldly challenges him to a duel, setting the terms that if she wins, jaime has to stop picking on her but if he wins, she has to quit the jaeger programme. to NO ONE’S SURPRISE, the duels ends w a tie! i named their jaeger Ursa Maiden because... you know...

battle: los angeles - is there enough military fics?? lance corporal tarth kicking alien ass and saving staff sergeant lannister gives me strength

harry potter - WE COULD DO SO MANY THINGS WITH THIS... brienne the halfblood hufflepuff prefect and jaime the pureblood gryffindor troublemaker. rival quidditch captains? best duelers of their respective years? eventual auror partners? all three, because destiny has fated them to be together always? also consider: jaime was said to have murdered the then minister of magic but was not sentenced to azkaban thanks to tywin pulling a few strings. and honourable, hardworking brienne, the first hufflepuff and woman to get an Outstanding in DADA for NEWTS, the first person to best jaime aka the lion of gryffindor in a duel, and the one lucky enough to be mentored by auror!Renly. also i think we can all agree jaime would say “wait til my father hears about this” to get out of trouble

the walking dead - dudes i have not been able to stop thinking about this au too, like jaime and brienne from opposing communities, meeting each other during a supply run and fighting over a jackpot supply of Useful Things but when they’re just about to kill each other over it- SURPRISE! a convenient horde appears! they become temporary allies to survive, somehow saving each others’ asses along the way, jaime getting bit on his hand trying to save her and brienne repaying the favour by chopping off his hand to stop the infection, they spend a week in an abandoned cabin in the woods to recuperate, jaime bathing in the river with her where he explains why he had to kill the twd!aerys + possible romance, confusion w where they stand w each other and whether or not they can continue this fragile alliance if they go back home, jaime selfishly telling her they could just stay here in the cabin, start a new life together and never go back to their respective communities, brienne saying she can’t bc there are people to protect back home (from his people) so she leaves, jaime leaves too because cersei’s back home but he’s worried that the next time he meets brienne, it’ll be as enemies.... do y’alls feel this

superheroes - jaime is the perfect charismatic speedster?? and brienne w super strength??? if u guys play ttrpgs, jaime would be The Legacy or The Reformed and brienne the Transformed in Masks

kingsman - brienne is lancelot and tyrion is merlin AMIRITE

dragon age - (da:o timeline) brienne, a templar from lothering saves jaime, one of the commanders of king cailan’s army and survivor of the Battle of Ostagar who was captured by howe’s men and labelled a traitor (he’d be in one of the cages like Sten!). eventually they get conscripted into the grey wardens by the Warden, becoming the Warden’s travelling companions. would be cute if the Warden wanted to save time and send them off on a treaty mission together. also how perfect would it be if the couslands were the starks... rendon howe could be littlefinger too...

mass effect - i friggin loved me3 multiplayer so i can totally see brienne as a n7 destroyer and jaime as a n7 slayer. the two of them would’ve made such a good team that they were considered instrumental to the reaper’s defeat on earth. also they totally survive the war and settle down in the citadel and adopt a bunch of alien + human orphans. maybe before the war, they were spectres who butt heads a lot bc of diff mission interests.

the proposal - I NEED TO KNOW, HAS ANYONE DONE THIS YET??? bc if there is, i wanna read it immediately. in my head, jaime could be the jerk boss who begs brienne to marry him to avoid getting deported. but instead of going back to tarth that weekend, they go to casterly rock to meet jamie’s family. same premise as the 2009 film, but slightly different and way more fun with cersei and tyrion around. also consider: the image of gwen dancing and singing to Get Low

to all the boys i’ve loved before - okay... hear me out... lara jean is brienne, kitty is arya, and sansa is margot but younger than brienne and instead of college, she’s in paris for a highschool student exchange programme. brienne is also a step-sister to the girls, cat took her in after her parents’ deaths. MEANWHILE josh is teen!sandor who sansa broke up with before she left for paris but is still best friends with brienne, peter is jaime(!!!) who kissed her during truth or dare years ago, and lucas is of course renly!! also gen is cersei but jamie’s cousin instead of sister. this is so complicated but i find it so cute still?????

i found this au from a prompt list on tumblr and its perfect: “single parents whose children are rivals in a talent show/ sports competition”. the children are tommen and arya, but brienne is arya’s foster mum since cate and ned’s death

naruto - ok so they’re both from different villages but become allies for a dangerous mission.... or brienne is hunting jaime bc he’s a missing nin from her village (catelyn would make a great kage holy shit).... whatever it is, you could totally work in a bath house scene :)

bleach - BRIENNE IS ASSIGNED TO JAIME’S DIVISION AS HIS NEW LIEUTENANT IMAGINE THEIR DYNAMIC sometimes i lay awake thinking about how tite kubo would draw brienne and jaime. [holding a butter knife] he better not give her ginormous boobs

where rainbows end/love rosie - y’all feel this too or is it just me, like just the idea of brienne opening a beach hotel in tarth... i need more brienne by the ocean fics in my life tbh. also im such a sucker for fics made up of purely texts between the characters then ending it with them meeting ahdasdjadsjad anyway Jaime is Alex and Hyle as Greg.

I Wish I Could Write These But Should You Find It Equally Interesting To Write About, Please, By All Means, Take My Brain Juice And Make It Beautiful And Let Me Know So I Can Give You Kudos And Comments Full of Squealing and Love

#jaime x brienne #braime #brienne of tarth #im fairly new here so if i didnt notice these au's in ao3 im terribly sorry #still reading as many fics as i can during the cny holidays #i used to use ellipses ironically but look at me now #this list is so long i have no life i just spend it thinking about my otp together in different universes #i have too many fandoms yeesh

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falling-inn-mmyy-wooorrlddd · 7 years ago

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Understanding it

Bipolar people are no strangers to screwing up and destroying the things they care most about. Behind each of them is a trail of ashes, shattered dreams, and broken relationships.

The way you look at those things is important. I’ve talked to many Bipolar and Depressive people who shoulder the blame entirely. They feel that since they couldn’t control themselves in a moment of “weakness��; that they are only to blame for the situation. They shoulder the responsibility and do not want to use their illness as an excuse. There is a problem with that. Let’s say you break your arm. The cause of the broken arm is irrelevant. It doesn’t matter if you did it to yourself out of stupidity or if it was an accident by someone else. The bottom line, you have a broken arm and you’re not going to be doing any heavy lifting with it until it heals. It doesn’t matter how you feel about it, the circumstances, how pissed off, sad, or judgmental other people may get about it; your arm is presently not working correctly. An unwell cycle is the same. An unwell cycle means your brain is not working the way it should be. You’re sick and your decisions will be tainted by that sickness. How is a Bipolar person supposed to make decisions with clarity when their mind is feeding them misinformation about the world around them, their feelings, and their lives? Is it fair to hold them to the same standards that you would a normal person even though they have a “broken arm” at the time? We wind up getting assigned or assigning ourselves the shitty labels of society for our actions. Are they deserved? I was a victim of that, I’ve done that, I went from Google research, seeing “leave him now,” “You’re better without him,” so basically nothing but bash to actually speaking to an expert and there view, EDUCATE, EDUCATE, EDUCATE. For those of you who don’t know, the love of my life is bipolar. So I understand the blogs I read online & why people were so harsh, I know what they are capable of, which led to the biggest mistake of my life.

Let’s look at an example… A devoted bipolar husband is faithful to his wife for 8 years. He loses his job, money and stress become an issue, his mind takes off into a manic cycle. His Bipolar brain concludes that the arguing is because his wife hates him and is preparing to leave him. His emotions are distorted due to the Disorder and that devoted love flips to smoldering hate. He walks out the front door and shacks up with another woman. Eventually, his brain crashes and corrects. His thoughts are now clear and he can see the situation for what it is. His wife didn’t hate him, their arguments stemmed from the lack of income, a common stress in relationships. The husband’s emotions are snapped back to what they were before he swung unwell because that is the real him. The devoted, faithful husband who walked out on and cheated on his wife is back to being the devoted, faithful husband. A common statement is that the husband had a choice. That’s absolutely true. He did have a choice. But how hard was it to make that choice? You don’t believe things when you’re unwell, you KNOW things with the same kind of ferocity and fervor that you know you love your mother He didn’t think his wife was planning to leave, he KNEW. And that knowledge fueled his rage and hate which made it even harder for him to make the right decision. So where does that leave the couple? The husband’s perception of himself? The wife’s perception of him? Any family members or friends that happened to be privy to what was going on? Everyone is going to be sympathetic to the wife when in actuality, the husband probably needs it more. He just ripped up and destroyed a core tenet of who he was, hurt the woman he was devoted to in a way that can never truly be repaired, and now everyone that doesn’t understand the Disorder thinks he’s an asshole. But he’s not an asshole. His brain was broken and not working correctly at the time. The wife knows he’s not an asshole because she knows there’s a difference between the loving man that she married and the stranger he becomes. It may or may not make it any easier to swallow the situation; I know it didn’t for me; that is really dependent on the individual. Is it a reason or an excuse? Are you using the Disorder as a reason or an excuse? Ideally, he would confess to his actions and do what needed to be done to repair the relationship. Sick or not, the onus is on each of us to take responsibility for our unwell actions and try to make it up to the people we damage in our wellness. Some people can forgive and move past it, others cannot. Is it fair for the husband to think of himself as a betrayer and adulterer? I don’t believe so, even though he had an affair. What happens if you remove Bipolar Disorder from the equation? What are you left with? You’re left with a loving, devoted husband who would have not had that affair if it weren’t for that unwell cycle. Had he been “normal”, it would have just been marital stress and a spat that had needed resolved. Once you add back in the Disorder, the metaphorical “broken arm”, now his actions take on a different meaning than what you would hold a normal person to. And I can hear it now, “What about the wife? What about her feelings on the situation?” It’s not my place to tell someone how to feel about a situation, so I do not. I wouldn’t tell her that she should just get over it or even forgive him, because that’s not my decision to make. I don’t know her emotional tolerances, what she’s willing to shoulder, what she’s willing to try to work through. She has to decide that for herself. She is entitled to feel whatever she feels and it should be dealt with in a way that makes sense for the couple; not to everyone that has an opinion based on their stereotyped perceptions of “correct”. I’m hoping that this can help someone that may be put in the position I was, my boyfriend of 5 years randomly took a 360, I can say I handled it poorly, with all the blogs I read, it was never an explanation just them talking about how much they regretted being with that person, which made me react and not understand anything,which made our situation worse. If you love the person i can’t stress enough to educate yourself, i cant stress enough for you to remember why you fell in love in the first place, it may be too late for us but i’m hoping to help.

Many Bipolar and Depressive have poor opinions of themselves because of there long lists of failures. he was no different for a long time. He saw very little positive about himself though plenty of people tried to show him otherwise, including me. After he was diagnosed, he was able to objectively look at his history, actions, and path in life. He took a spiral for worse, which made me spiral downhill, neither of us knew how to cope or to what extent we were looking at

I came to realize and understand 8 months later that he wasn’t all of those negative things I thought he was because he wasn’t like that when he was balanced. It was only when he was unbalanced he did things really come off the rails. I know that’s a narrative a lot of Bipolar people out there face as well. They haven’t learned to see who they really are versus who they are while unwell. The person may think they are unlovable, unworthy, irresponsible, hateful, unfaithful, or just plain old crazy. But what happens if you set aside the mental illness? Who are you when you’re balanced? Do you even know? Or have you been dealing with it for so long that you don’t really know who that person is? You are not your illness. You are not the walls you had to build to minimize the damage of the Disorder. Somewhere behind the Disorder and the walls is a person smothered by the weight of the illness and the pain it created in your life. So be kind to yourself. Give yourself a little leeway when the Disorder fucks things up for you. No one will ever get it 100% right. Most people won’t get it or “understand” the personal circumstances even if they want to; that’s just something we have to come to terms with. It doesn’t mean everyone won’t though.

Fight for the ones you love, mental illness is a thing, would you leave a loved one if they got diagnosed with cancer?

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