#in AH AH AH ALBUQUERQUE?!?!?!?

[nothernghostbat]

omg it's them

[gen-is-gone]

I cannot even begin to explain how Fucken Wimdy it is. The trees are loudly thunking into the side of the house. Our lovely neighbor had to help me chase down our trash cans as they rolled away to freedom. The hammock is achieving liftoff. Even Hollis is staying inside.

[ramblingoak]

A Nap With Terzo

~ A special edition of Naps With Copia ~

This was for an Anon that was having a tough time with their finals and wanted a comforting nap with Terzo 💙 (sorry this took forever!)

Terzo x gn!reader

The naps are all stand alone stories so you do not have to read one before the other! This series came from my post about wanting to nap with Copia all around the abbey. The stories will all have gender neutral readers and soft naps.

Warnings: none, just Terzo being a little silly, sfw, 800 words (thank you to @gothdaddyissues for the dividers!)

No one else got to see him like this. 

Well, maybe his ghouls did.  Spending months together packed into a tour bus allowed you to see the best and worst of everyone.  You had heard plenty of stories of the things the band and crew would get up to.  To be honest some stories you wished you could forget. Although knowing why Alpha was strongly discouraged from coming back to Albuquerque, New Mexico did give you good blackmail material.  

Moments like this though were something rare to see.  The Siblings were used to Papa Emeritus III and his ways.  They had spent years watching him on stage and at the pulpit.  Both were performances for your Papa.  Both showed a side of him that he had spent years honing to perfection.  The boisterous and carefree Papa that was quick to tease and even quicker to flirt.  But right now, tucked away in your bed and softly snoring…

This was your Papa. 

“I need to get up soon.”

“Hush. You need rest, Terzo.”

“Eh, I’m fine.”  His body betrayed him, his jaw immediately opening in a wide yawn.  When he caught your smirk he huffed, rolling his eyes as he turned the other way.  “Imperator will be looking for me.  So she can nitpick how each ritual went.”

“Don’t worry about her.”  Terzo turned his head, his eyebrow raised in question as he peered at you.  “She has her hands full.”

“Oh?”  You laughed when he quickly spun around, his arms snaking around your waist to bring you in close.  “Do tell, amore.”

“Your brothers promised to keep her attention until the morning.”

“Sounds ominous.”  

He ducked his head, hiding his face in your neck.  Terzo always got shy when his brothers helped him.  Like the notion of a family acting like family was still foreign to him.  You dropped a kiss onto his head and gently started carding your fingers through his hair.  

“Secondo assured me no one would get hurt.”  

“Bene.”  He pressed a few kisses of his own into your skin before pulling away, a soft smile on his face.  “What shall we do with all that time, hmm?”

His attempt at wiggling his eyebrows failed as he started yawning again.  He groaned when he was done, flinging himself onto his back and throwing an arm over his eyes.  

“I think a nap is the only thing you need to focus on right now.”

“But amore, that’s so boring!”  You obliged him when he tugged you close.  “I’d rather be kissing you.”  

“We can kiss after a nap.”

“We can kiss before one too.”  

He leaned in and planted a noisy smooch on your cheek, his lips then traveling down to your chin and over to your ear.  When his teeth gently nibbled at the lobe you squealed and tried to move away but his arms remained tight around you.

“Terzo!  Stop, stop!”  The bastard just laughed, continuing to attack you with his lips and teeth.  “Ah!  Papa, I will call Imperator, I swear to Satan.”

With a huff he pulled away, although he kept his arms tight around you.  When you noticed his pout you couldn’t help but giggle and lean in to kiss him.  The man was infuriatingly irresistible even when he was driving you crazy. 

“Fine, fine.  Ruin my fun.”  The pouting continued, even when you kissed him again.  “Here I am, thinking you would have missed me after all these months.  Missed my touch and my kisses.  I guess I was wrong.”

“Don’t be such a baby!”  You nipped at his full bottom lip this time, pulling it between your teeth to sooth it with your tongue briefly before leaning away.  “Terzo, I promise that if you are very very good and take a nice long nap we can have some fun after.  Okay?”

His face brightened and he snuggled closer, his hands traveling up and down your back possessively.  

“You promise, amore?”

“I promise.”  

His bright smile was beautiful, as was everything else about him.  You had to kiss him again, a soft one that you reserved for quiet moments like this.  He pulled away, still smiling, and reached up to cup your cheek.

“Then we better get started, eh?  The sooner we wake up the sooner we can have some of that fun you’ve promised me.”

You snorted while you settled yourself more comfortably against him.  Resting your head on his shoulder and one hand on his chest.  His heart beat steadily beneath it, a reminder that he was here with you again.  Terzo’s breathing was evening out and you soon heard the soft snores he insisted he never did.  You closed your eyes and focused on falling asleep yourself, wanting to get some rest along with your Papa.

You wanted the fun to start soon too.

~ Naps With Copia series masterpost ~

If you'd like to be added/removed from the tag list (or if I accidentally left your name off) of this fic or any of my others please leave a comment or send me a dm! Thank you 💙

My Masterlist ~ My Archive of our Own ~ My Ko-Fi Tip Jar

[gravehags]

Your choice of Papa or ghoul/ghoulette f!reader can be NSFW or not.

New sibling of sin jumpy over everything. Every little sound.

Hope this helps!!

the ghovie got my on my papa iv shit. something sweet for you :)

~~~

"Shit."

The clatter of your dropped mop echoes in the marble room and you look guiltily at the mausoleum occupants as if you've somehow disturbed their rest. You didn't think you were easily freaked out before you joined the Ministry but ever since moving in as a novice after your unholy baptism you've been on edge. The sister who assigned the duties around the abbey must have smelled the fear on you when she tightly smirked and informed you you would be working graveyard cleaning duties in the Emeritus crypt. Bitch, you think sourly as you push your reacquired mop into your bucket and slide it along the floor. You didn't know what you had expected when you joined the Ministry but the precarious social hierarchy is not something you particularly excel at. More than anything you just want to catch a glimpse of Papa once more. When you attended your first ritual and watched him on stage in those tight pants and sequined jacket you were enthralled - and that was before he even started singing. Your infatuated sigh echoes in the dimly lit room as you think about his big, gloved hands and what they could do to--

"Eh, hello."

"Fucking shit!" you shriek, once again dropping your mop and spinning on the spot with your hand over your mouth. The person standing before you winces. He's slight and wears a red velour tracksuit over a black shirt that says something you can't see from your position. On his feet are black dress shoes and his hands - currently anxiously clasping each other - sport black leather gloves. When you look at his face - bare except for the black paints around the eyes and upper lip you've come to associate with most upper clergy - it takes you a minute of squinting before you're able to mentally apply the rest of the makeup.

"Oh God," you breathe, "You're him."

"God?" he asks, "Eheh, no I'm definitely not him."

You force yourself to not roll your eyes.

"No," you say, taking a tentative step towards him, "You're Papa."

"Ah," he says, nodding with a nervous little smile, "Yes. I am...he."

There's something so different about the short, slender man who stands before you in comparison to his oversized stage presence. This man is softer, sweeter, and his demeanor immediately sets you at ease.

"I was at the Albuquerque ritual," you blurt out, "Last year's tour? I...you were wonderful. I hadn't heard the band before that night but afterwards I went home and spent all night listening to your music. It's...it's why I joined the Ministry."

"I'm honored, sorella," he murmurs, taking a small step towards you, "And now you're eh, stuck here doing graveyard mop duty."

Oh yeah. You have a job you should be doing. A job that you're neglecting in front of your boss.

"Shit, sorry, let me just--"

"No, no!" he interjects, reaching out to you as you start to stoop to pick up your mop. "We are having such a nice conversation. Will you sit with me?"

He gestures to the lone marble bench in the room and your heart skips a beat.

"O-Of course, Papa," you say, stepping over and slowly lowering yourself. He follows suit, groaning slightly as he sits. A comfortable silence passes between the two of you when he gestures up at one of the crypts.

"That's my dad," he says. You squint at the name inscribed on the marble.

"Papa Nihil," you murmur, "I love the songs he put out."

Papa's lips turn down in a frown and he looks at you askance.

"They're not that good," he mutters, crossing his arms.

"Not as good as 'Life Eternal'," you say, tangling your fingers in your lap, "Shit, that sounded like such ass-kissing, I am so sorry--"

Papa's frown morphs into a gentle smile, his mismatched eyes glittering in the low light.

"You liked Prequelle?"

"Liked it? It's...it's my favorite."

The way he puffs out his chest and looks ridiculously smug makes you giggle.

"I cried the first time I heard 'Life Eternal' - that night when I got home from the ritual? Must have been 3 am and I was sitting on my apartment balcony listening to the album from my shitty portable speaker. I think that was the moment I decided to come here."

"I...I am very pleased to hear that, sorella. How do you find the Ministry so far?"

Ah.

"I um..." you begin, chewing on your bottom lip, "It's..."

"I know exactly what you mean," Papa nods with a sigh.

"Don't get me wrong," you say hastily, "I don't regret my decision it's just...a lot like high school so far."

Papa snorts.

"It is. And if you don't know the right people or say the right things or fit in the way you should you end up-" he gestures at the cold room you both currently sit in "-here. On shitty graveyard shift surrounded by dead papas. A fate I do not think you deserve, sorella."

"You...you don't?"

"Nah," he confirms. He pauses a moment as if considering something and then turns to you.

"Are you eh, any good with computers? Paperwork?"

You laugh.

"I was a secretary in my uh...past life. Had to take it up after my art career flopped. Why do you ask?"

Papa raises a hand to smooth the skin on his upper lip as if he's used to hairs being present there.

"I've been meaning to hire an assistant," he says slowly and your heart stops, "Sister's been chewing my ass out about it. You interested?"

Interested? In working with directly with the man responsible for you changing your whole life? The man you spent an entire concert sighing over, your heart pounding in your chest?

"Papa, I would be honored," you murmur. He gives you a smile and makes a goofy little noise.

"Perfetto!" he says, clapping his hands and rising to his feet. You do the same, a ridiculous grin on your face.

"I'll eh, notify the right people. Ah shit, I don't even know your name."

You tell him and when he repeats it back to you you nearly faint at the sound of it coming out of his mouth. He smiles once more and turns to leave when you boldly reach out a hand and touch his arm.

"Papa...thank you. For everything. I mean it."

He waves a hand at you and even in the dim light of the mausoleum you can see his cheeks turn pink. The sight delights you.

"It's nothing. Buonanotte, sorella. And eh, fuck the mopping. Go to bed."

You laugh.

"If you say so. Good night, Papa."

He gives you one last smile and nod and leaves the crypt. And if your eyes are on the movement of his rear as he exits the room, you'll never tell.

[from-memphis-with-love]

All In

Summary: It's the swinging '60s, baby, and Elvis Presley is the grooviest spy this side of the Rockies. He's in Monaco on a new mission, breaking hearts and breaking codes.

* Elvis doesn't like losing, but he's good at it. 

Losing isn't so bad when he has to, it’s just a role to play like any other. Winning, though—a victory lap or getting the girl—that's what Elvis loves. He’s too competitive, that's his problem. 

Usually. Today is different.

The sun slices through early-morning clouds, casting long shadows across the potted bougainvillea on his balcony. A lizard darts across the sun-warmed travertine. Elvis leans back in his chair, the white lacquered wicker creaking beneath his weight as he takes a sip of freshly-squeezed orange juice. It’s tart and tangy, made from Sicilian blood oranges flown in specially for hotel guests. He could get used to this, he thinks, even though anything would be better than his last job in Albuquerque.

The view from his room is breathtaking—a panorama of the glistening Mediterranean Sea, palm trees standing sentinel along the shore, and the winding streets of the principality. Above it all, both figuratively and literally, sits the Casino de Monte-Carlo, an opulent sugar cube of a gambling house that has seen countless fortunes won and lost. 

Elvis squints against the lettuce green sky, the warm breeze ruffling his jet-black hair. Crossing one long leg over another, his tailored trousers stretching over his lithe frame, Elvis savors the moment. At a perfect 6 feet tall, with piercing blue eyes and a marble-chiseled profile, he cuts a striking figure even in repose. 

It's a perfect August day, the kind that makes one forget there's always work to do, even in a paradise like this. 

A knock at the door interrupts his reverie. “Room service,” a muffled voice calls out.

Elvis rises and pads for the door, greeting the uniformed attendant with a warm smile. “Morning,” he says, stepping aside to let the man enter. 

The attendant wheels in a cart laden with covered dishes. “Where would you like me to set up, sir?” he asks.

“The terrace, please,” Elvis replies, watching as the man efficiently arranges the dishes on the table. “Thank you…?” He pauses, waiting for a name.

“Jean-Luc, sir,” the attendant supplies with a slight bow. 

“Thank you, Jean-Luc.” Elvis nods approvingly and hands the young man a few crisp bills, a generous tip reflecting his own working-class roots. He knows two things for sure: Jean-Luc works exceptionally hard for his money, and he probably knows more than he should about every hotel guest. He might prove useful. 

Jean-Luc's eyes widen slightly as he pockets the tip, his posture straightening imperceptibly. "If there's anything else you need, sir, please don't hesitate to ask." His tone carries a hint of conspiratorial understanding, a recognition of the unspoken agreement between them.

Elvis gives him a smile, equal parts charming and enigmatic. "I'll keep that in mind."

With a final nod, Jean-Luc takes his leave, the door closing softly behind him. Elvis settles back into his chair, his mind already racing with the possibilities of this new connection.

On the table before him, a sumptuous breakfast: buttery croissants, jam, slices of blackened bacon, and a variety of cheeses. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee mingles with the salty sea air. Elvis unfolds the crinkled newspaper, his sharp gaze scanning the headlines for anything of interest. He's expecting a message, a signal that will set today's events in motion. He knows Reginald would never let him down. 

As he turns the page, a small butterfly of a note flutters to the ground. Reaching down, his fingers trace the embossed CIA seal, the paper smooth and cool to the touch. 

Ah, there it is. 

Elvis' pulse quickens as scans the writing: 22 Avenue de la Costa. He turns the scrap of paper over in his fingers, searching for any additional clues, but the reverseis blank. The message is clear enough: whatever awaits him, it's not going to be a walk in the park. He’s been in the game long enough to know that when Reginald plays things close to the vest, it means the stakes are higher than ever.

His handler had been unusually tight-lipped during their briefing. But that’s just the way Elvis likes it. The bigger the risk, the bigger the reward. And such secrecy could only mean one thing–this job is tough. Dangerous. The kind of high-stakes operation that gets Elvis’ blood pumping. Let the games begin. 

Glancing at his watch, he notes the time: 9:58 AM. The casino won't open for hours, giving him plenty of time to plan his approach. He'll need to be cautious, though. The Duke and Duchess of Castellano, his well-connected friends, have arranged for him to join an exclusive poker game later that evening, one in which he will have to lose. Drawing attention to himself before then wouldn't be wise. 

Finishing his breakfast, he stands and stretches his limbs, muscles flexing beneath his shirt. Monaco is a playground for the glitterati, their perfect little jewel box on the Côte d'Azur. But beneath the surface, he knows, lurk secrets and dangers that most people never see. Dangers they could never even dream of. 

With practiced efficiency, he hurries across the suite, his mind already shifting into mission mode. He pulls a sleek black case from beneath the bed, his fingers dancing over the combination lock. Inside, an array of gadgets and weapons gleam in the morning light—tools of his trade, each one carefully chosen for maximum impact and minimum detectability.

He selects a few key items: a miniaturized camera, a set of lockpicks, a small vial of a clear liquid that definitely isn't water. Each one designed disappear into the hidden pockets of his suit jacket, concealed with a skill born of years of practice. Elvis learned long ago that preparation is key in this line of work—you never know what you might need until you need it.

It's time to become Anderson “Andy” Davis, a first-time Grand Prix entrant and new pet project of the Monegasque elite. He opens his closet and selects a lightweight blazer and a crisp white shirt—a smart, sensible choice that won't draw a second glance. Dressing quickly, his fingers deftly fasten the buttons, the silk smooth against his skin.

As he checks his reflection in the mirror, Elvis allows himself a small, secret smile. His handsome features, so often a liability in his line of work, are expertly disguised by the subtle changes in his posture and expression. With a final adjustment of his cufflinks, he grabs his room key and heads out the door, the steel heavy in his pocket. 

Ready or not, here comes Andy.

[pastelwitchling]

Ok so funny thought/ prompt whatever

Imagine Michael finding out that on one of the trips Alex and Kyle have done (deep sky, season 1 whatever) they shared a bed

It's totally innocent but not to Michael

And isobel would love it cause come on Alex and Kyle that close together is just visually so pleasing

@brittz-2123

***

Michael loved his bed. That wasn’t something he’d ever considered before he’d met Alex, but now his bed was a safe haven, a place of comfort and warmth and love. It was his favorite part of their home because going to bed meant falling into his husband’s embrace, his arms around Alex as he was either soothed into sleep, or soothing Alex into sleep – both of which he loved.

He loved knowing that no one could comfort Alex like he could, that when he tugged on Alex’s arm and led him to their bedroom, Alex relented like he did for no one else.

“Okay, okay,” he’d sigh and smile in that way that he did whenever he couldn’t resist giving Michael what he wanted, and he would nuzzle Michael’s neck and curl in close and everything would be okay because they were both there and together and safe and warm.

It was on such a morning, their chests pressed together, Alex breathing softly against Michael’s collarbone and Michael’s fingers trailing lazily up and down his spine, that their peace was interrupted with a knock at the door.

Michael groaned, and Alex chuckled sleepily.

“Stay here, baby,” he murmured, his lips brushing Michael’s neck, “I’ll get it.”

“Don’t you dare move,” he argued, squeezing Alex close until he stopped squirming. When Alex gave up with giggles, Michael smiled and gently kissed his brow. He unwillingly let go, and grabbed Alex’s Air Force T-shirt and pulled it on. “I’ll go get rid of ‘em.”

“You don’t even know who it is yet,” Alex grinned into his pillow.

“It’s seven in the morning, babe,” he said, running a hand through his curls. “I don’t need to know who it is.”

Michael’s body was already cold from the loss of his husband’s touch, the knock coming again. He opened the door, and his groan turned up in full force.

Kyle rolled his eyes, shouldering his way past Michael, a takeout bag in his hands. “Is Alex awake? We have to hit the road soon and I got us breakfast.”

Michael’s eye twitched. It had been doing that since Alex had first told him that he would be accompanying Kyle in Isobel’s place to the doctors’ convention in Albuquerque. Damn his sister for her emergency fundraising gala problems. Of course her biggest event of the year had to have an issue that only she could fix, and since it was for charity, what was Michael supposed to say? ‘No, you have to go with your fiancé to his convention so my husband doesn’t’? He couldn’t whine like that. Out loud.

“He actually changed his mind,” Michael smirked, crossing his arms and leaning his hip against the couch. “Just forgot to tell you. Sorry.”

“Mhm,” Kyle set the bag down, giving Michael a dry smile, and called down the hall, “Alex, it’s me!”

“Okay, give me a minute and we can go!” Alex called back, and Michael’s shoulders fell.

“I hate you so much,” he told Kyle.

“I disagree,” Kyle said, opening the bag and pulling out a few cinnamon rolls, triple-chocolate fudge muffins, and bottles of lemonade. “I think you’re secretly warming up to me.”

“I think you’re as delusional as always,” Michael said. “I don’t know how much you’d appreciate the guy who takes you out of bed with your spouse, but –”

“Ah,” he nodded, busy with the food. “Well, I can see why you’re so pissy, Alex gets very sweet in bed.”

Michael opened his mouth to retort when his brain caught up with his ears. He stared. “Say that again?”

“I said you’re right,” he shrugged a shoulder and sniffed. “Alex gets all cuddly and warm and rosy-cheeked when you get into bed with him –”

“And how the hell do you know how my husband gets in bed?”

“We used to be on the road a lot for Project Shepherd?” Kyle said like it was obvious, and if he could sense Michael’s gradually increased seething, he didn’t show it. “We shared a few beds, Guerin.”

Michael’s eye started twitching and didn’t stop. “You what?”

“Oh come on,” he rolled his eyes. “You know how bad his nightmares get, should I have left him alone?”

“You shouldn’t have gotten into bed with him!”

Kyle gave a long-suffering sigh, and looked back into the hall. “Alex, your husband’s about to blow, can you hurry it up?”

“Blow about what?” came Alex’s muffled voice.

Michael growled and stomped back to their bedroom. “YOU AND VALENTI SHARED A BED?!”

“Ohhh,” Alex, in the middle of buttoning his shirt in their bathroom mirror, nodded. “That.”

“THAT?!”

“Michael,” Alex said calmly, “the cabinet.”

Michael realized he was making the cabinet levitate off the ground, and with a jerk of his wrist, it fell back to the ground with a heavy thud. “Why didn’t you tell me you and Kyle shared a freaking bed?”

“We weren’t even together then,” Alex shrugged, and Michael thought he wasn’t nearly as abashed about this as he should’ve been.

“If you really think there was ever a time you didn’t belong to me,” Michael argued, “then you’re seriously underestimating my attachment to you.”

Alex smiled and blushed, still fixing his hair. “Aww, baby . . .”

“STOP TALKING TO ME LIKE I’M JUST BEING CUTE!”

“You’re always cute.”

Traitorous, unwanted warmth rose up the back of his neck and tried to deter his anger. “The bed, Alex,” he tried desperately to cling to his fury. “The bed. Is nothing sacred?!”

Alex bit his lower lip in an attempt to keep his smile from widening. It wasn’t working. Curse Michael’s love for that smile because the more amused Alex became, the deeper his blush, the harder it was to be angry.

“Just tell me one thing,” Michael said with as much solemnity as he could manage in the face of Alex’s giddiness. Taking a shuddering breath, he braced himself and asked, “Did you guys cuddle?”

Alex burst into laughter. “I might’ve cuddled up to him while I was asleep, I’m not going to lie –”

“Alex!”

“— only because I was imagining that it was you.”

Michael fell silent, but Alex was still smiling at him like he was the most adorable thing in the world.

“For my scariest nightmares,” he said softly, “nothing calmed me down like the idea of you holding me. And Kyle knew that. Every time he held me, he told me to just pretend it was you. That you were there with your arms around me, keeping me safe. Nothing else would help, Michael. Nothing.”

Michael stared, heart pounding and his thoughts muddled. Alex finished dressing, took Michael’s hands in his, and kissed his fingers like he revered every inch of the cowboy that he could get. “And now I’m with the real you in bed every night. I’m living the dream.”

Michael’s shoulders fell, and he swallowed. “Baby . . .”

Alex tilted his head. “Are you going to be okay here for a few days? If it really makes you uncomfortable, I won’t go. Kyle will understand.”

“I’m never comfortable when you’re out of my sight,” he said instinctively, and sighed, “but . . . I guess . . . I can . . . make an exception, just this once.”

Alex chuckled, undoubtedly sensing Michael’s hesitance behind every word. “You’re sure?”

Michael groaned and folded Alex into his arms. “Yeah, baby, I’m sure. Just . . .” he squeezed Alex tighter and grumbled, “if you have a nightmare, call me, okay? You don’t need anyone else to pretend anymore.”

He felt Alex’s smile against the crook of his neck. “Good. Nothing compares anyway.”

***

Happy Belated Malex Monday ❤️ It's good to be back 🥰

[slamminslamminmcgill]

ok but jimmysaul intox 🤤 giving u one of the xans in his desk drawer and going crazy

you

i like you 😌

warning: intox kink

anatomical terms: pussy

You slumped back on the couch and rubbed your forehead. You were exhausted. Most days weren't so bad, but apparently, the entire city of Albuquerque decided to fly off the handle today in particular, and you and Saul were the only ones who could save them. "Jesus, what a day."

Saul chuckled, leaning back in his chair and holding his hands behind his head. "You can say that again, kid. How's about we, uh..." He reached over to open one of the drawers in his desk, "...take the edge off a bit?"

You raised an eyebrow and walked over to the desk. "What'cha got in there?"

"Xanax," he replied, shaking a bottle of prescription pills. "It's an anti-anxiety medication. Helps you relax, y'know? You want some?"

You shrugged. Fuck it, right? It's a Friday night, why not spend the evening doing dubiously legal substances with your boss. "Ah, what the hell, gimme some."

"Heh-hey! Alright! I knew you'd know how to party." Saul unscrewed the lid and poured out two pills. Next, he grabbed a plastic water bottle on his desk. He sauntered over to you on the couch and handed you your dose. He cracked open the water to take his, then passed it to you for you to do the same. He plopped down on the couch beside you, stretching his arm out for you to scoot closer to him. You obliged, your head resting against his chest and his arm wrapping around your shoulder. "Trust me, you're gonna wanna stay seated. They can make you pretty light-headed. I wouldn't want you to collapse on me."

“Okay,” you said, nestling into his body heat, “how long does it take to kick in?”

Saul rubbed your back, admiring how cute you looked snuggled up to him. He couldn’t wait to see how much cuter you’d be while high. “Give it about 5-10 minutes. You’ll see.”

5 minutes passed, and they kicked in.

Then, another 5 minutes passed, and you were bouncing on Saul’s lap, egregiously moaning as he hit home again and again.

The xans were doing their job. You were loopy, dizzy, and it was as if every nerve in your system was on high alert; the slightest touch made you twitch. You wrapped your arms around him and pulled him into a soggy, messy kiss. A mix of your saliva seeped through both your lips and onto each other’s chest. Saul’s firm hands kneaded your ass while your pussy threatened to milk him for everything he had.

You pulled away to get some air, tongue lazily hanging out of your mouth. Words were above your capability right now, but that doesn’t mean you stayed silent. “Oh my Gahhh… ngh… Sa-… Saullll… s-s-so… good…”

Saul just giggled, goofy as you were, and planted a wet kiss on your cheek. “Told you.”

[100percent-shell-oil]

@i-count-words-in-posts try me, motherfucker

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alcohol alert alerts alex alexander alexandria alfred algebra algeria algorithm algorithms ali alias alice alien align alignment alike alive all allah allan alleged allen allergy alliance allied allocated allocation allow allowance allowed allowing allows alloy almost alone along alot alpha alphabetical alpine already also alt alter altered alternate alternative alternatively alternatives although

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executed execution executive executives exempt exemption exercise exercises exhaust exhibit exhibition exhibitions exhibits exist existed existence existing exists exit exotic exp expand expanded expanding expansion expansys expect expectations expected expects expedia expenditure expenditures expense expenses expensive experience experienced experiences experiencing

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partially participant participants participate participated participating participation particle particles particular particularly parties partition partly partner partners partnership partnerships parts party pas paso pass passage passed passenger passengers passes passing passion passive passport password passwords past pasta paste pastor pat patch patches patent patents path pathology paths patient patients patio patricia patrick patrol pattern patterns paul pavilion paxil pay payable payday paying payment payments

paypal payroll pays pb pc pci pcs pct pd pda pdas pdf pdt pe peace peaceful peak pearl peas pediatric pee peeing peer peers pen penalties penalty pencil pendant pending penetration penguin peninsula penis penn pennsylvania penny pens pension pensions pentium people peoples pepper per perceived percent percentage perception perfect perfectly perform performance performances performed performer performing performs perfume perhaps

period periodic periodically periods peripheral peripherals perl permalink permanent permission permissions permit permits permitted perry persian persistent person personal personality personalized personally personals personnel persons perspective perspectives perth peru pest pet pete peter petersburg peterson petite petition petroleum pets pf pg pgp ph phantom pharmaceutical pharmaceuticals pharmacies pharmacology pharmacy phase phases phd phenomenon phentermine phi phil philadelphia philip philippines philips phillips philosophy phoenix phone phones photo photograph photographer

photographers photographic photographs photography photos photoshop php phpbb phrase phrases phys physical physically physician physicians physics physiology pi piano pic pichunter pick picked picking picks pickup picnic pics picture pictures pie piece pieces pierce pierre pig pike pill pillow pills pilot pin pine ping pink pins pioneer pipe pipeline

pipes pirates piss pissing pit pitch pittsburgh pix pixel pixels pizza pj pk pl place placed placement places placing plain plains plaintiff plan plane planes planet planets planned planner planners planning plans plant plants plasma plastic plastics plate plates platform platforms platinum play playback playboy played player players playing playlist plays playstation plaza plc pleasant please pleased pleasure pledge plenty plot plots plug

plugin plugins plumbing plus plymouth pm pmc pmid pn po pocket pockets pod podcast podcasts poem poems poet poetry point pointed pointer pointing points pokemon poker poland polar

pole police policies policy polish polished political politicians politics poll polls pollution polo poly polyester polymer polyphonic pond pontiac pool pools poor pop pope popular popularity population populations

por porcelain pork porn porno porsche port portable portal porter portfolio portion portions portland portrait portraits ports portsmouth portugal portuguese pos pose posing position positioning positions positive possess possession possibilities possibility possible possibly post postage postal postcard postcards posted poster posters posting postings postposted posts pot potato potatoes potential

potentially potter pottery poultry pound pounds pour poverty powder powell power powered powerful powerpoint powers powerseller pp ppc ppm pr practical practice practices practitioner practitioners prague prairie praise pray prayer prayers pre preceding precious precipitation precise precisely precision predict predicted prediction predictions

prefer preference preferences preferred prefers prefix pregnancy pregnant preliminary premier premiere premises premium prep prepaid preparation prepare prepared preparing prerequisite prescribed prescription presence present presentation

presentations presented presenting presently presents preservation preserve president presidential press pressed pressing pressure preston pretty prev prevent preventing prevention preview previews previous previously price priced prices pricing pride priest primarily primary prime prince princess princeton principal principle principles print printable printed printer printers printing prints

prior priorities priority prison prisoner prisoners privacy private privilege privileges prix prize prizes pro probability probably probe problem

problems proc procedure procedures proceed proceeding proceedings proceeds process processed processes processing processor processors procurement produce produced producer producers

produces producing product production productions productive productivity products prof profession professional professionals professor profile profiles profit profits program programme programmer programmers programmes programming programs progress progressive prohibited project

projected projection projector projectors projects prominent promise promised promises promising promo promote promoted promotes promoting promotion promotional promotions prompt promptly proof propecia proper properly properties property prophet proportion proposal proposals propose proposed proposition proprietary pros prospect prospective prospects

prostate prostores prot protect protected protecting protection protective protein proteins protest protocol protocols prototype proud proudly prove proved proven provide provided providence provider providers provides providing province provinces provincial provision provisions proxy prozac ps psi psp pst psychiatry psychological psychology pt pts pty

pub public publication publications publicity publicly publish published publisher publishers publishing pubmed pubs puerto pull pulled pulling pulse pump pumps punch punishment punk pupils puppy purchase purchased purchases purchasing pure

purple purpose purposes purse pursuant pursue pursuit push pushed pushing pussy put puts putting puzzle puzzles pvc python q qatar qc qld qt qty quad qualification qualifications qualified qualify qualifying qualities quality quantitative quantities quantity quantum quarter quarterly quarters que quebec queen queens queensland

query quest question questionnaire questions queue qui quick quickly quiet quilt quit quite quiz quizzes quotations quote quoted quotes r ra rabbit race races rachel racial racing rack racks radar radiation radical

radio radios radius rage raid rail railroad railway rain rainbow raise raised raises raising raleigh rally ralph ram ran ranch rand random randy range rangers ranges ranging rank ranked ranking rankings ranks rap rape rapid rapidly rapids rare rarely

rat rate rated rates rather rating ratings ratio rational ratios rats raw ray raymond rays rb rc rca rd re reach reached reaches reaching reaction reactions read reader readers readily reading readings reads ready real realistic reality realize realized really realm realtor realtors realty rear reason reasonable reasonably reasoning reasons rebate rebates rebecca rebel rebound rec recall receipt receive received receiver

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respondents responding response responses responsibilities responsibility responsible rest restaurant restaurants restoration restore restored restrict restricted restriction restrictions restructuring result resulted resulting results resume resumes retail retailer retailers retain retained retention retired retirement retreat

retrieval retrieve retrieved retro return returned returning returns reunion reuters rev reveal revealed reveals revelation revenge revenue revenues reverse review reviewed reviewer reviewing reviews revised revision revisions revolution revolutionary reward rewards reynolds rf rfc rg rh rhode rhythm ri ribbon rica rice rich

richard richards richardson richmond rick rico rid ride rider riders rides ridge riding right rights rim ring rings ringtone ringtones rio rip ripe rise rising risk risks river rivers riverside rj rl rm rn rna ro road roads rob robert roberts robertson robin robinson robot

robots robust rochester rock rocket rocks rocky rod roger rogers roland role roles roll rolled roller rolling rolls rom roman romance romania romantic rome ron ronald roof room roommate roommates rooms root roots rope rosa rose roses ross roster rotary rotation rouge rough roughly roulette round rounds route router routers routes routine routines routing rover row rows roy royal royalty rp rpg rpm rr rrp rs rss rt ru rubber ruby rug rugby rugs rule ruled rules ruling run runner running runs runtime rural rush russell russia russian ruth rv rw rwanda rx ryan s sa sacramento sacred

sacrifice sad saddam safari safe safely safer safety sage sagem said sail sailing saint saints sake salad salaries salary sale salem sales sally salmon salon salt salvador salvation sam samba same samoa sample samples sampling samsung samuel san sand sandra sandwich sandy sans santa sanyo sao sap sapphire sara sarah sas saskatchewan sat satellite satin satisfaction satisfactory satisfied satisfy saturday saturn sauce saudi savage

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scholarships school schools sci science sciences scientific scientist scientists scoop scope score scored scores scoring scotia scotland scott scottish scout scratch screen screening screens screensaver screensavers screenshot screenshots screw script scripting scripts scroll scsi scuba sculpture sd se sea seafood seal sealed

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senator senators send sender sending sends senegal senior seniors sense sensitive sensitivity sensor sensors sent sentence sentences seo sep separate separated separately separation sept september seq sequence sequences ser serbia serial series serious seriously serum serve served server servers serves service services serving session

sessions set sets setting settings settle settled settlement setup seven seventh several severe sewing sex sexcam sexo sexual sexuality sexually sexy sf sg sh shade shades shadow shadows shaft shake shakespeare shakira shall shame shanghai shannon shape shaped shapes share shared

shareholders shares shareware sharing shark sharon sharp shaved shaw she shed sheep sheer sheet sheets sheffield shelf shell shelter shemale shemales shepherd sheriff sherman shield shift shine ship shipment shipments shipped shipping ships shirt shirts shit shock shoe shoes shoot shooting

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so soa soap soc soccer social societies society sociology socket socks sodium sofa soft softball software soil sol solar solaris sold soldier soldiers sole solely solid solo solomon solution solutions solve solved solving soma somalia some somebody somehow someone somerset something sometimes somewhat somewhere son song songs sonic sons sony soon soonest sophisticated sorry sort sorted sorts sought soul souls

sound sounds soundtrack soup source sources south southampton southeast southern southwest soviet sox sp spa space spaces spain spam span spanish spank spanking sparc spare spas spatial speak speaker speakers speaking speaks spears spec special specialist specialists specialized specializing specially specials specialties specialty species

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sponsorship sport sporting sports spot spotlight spots spouse spray spread spreading spring springer springfield springs sprint spy spyware sq sql squad square squirt squirting sr src sri ss ssl st stability stable stack stadium staff staffing stage

stages stainless stakeholders stamp stamps stan stand standard standards standing standings stands stanford stanley star starring stars starsmerchant start started starter starting starts startup stat state stated statement statements states statewide static stating station stationery stations statistical statistics stats status

statute statutes statutory stay stayed staying stays std ste steady steal steam steel steering stem step stephanie stephen steps stereo sterling steve steven stevens stewart stick sticker stickers sticks sticky still stock stockholm stockings stocks stolen stomach stone stones stood stop stopped stopping stops storage store stored stores stories storm story str straight

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student students studied studies studio studios study studying stuff stuffed stunning stupid style styles stylish stylus su sub subaru subcommittee subdivision subject subjects sublime sublimedirectory submission submissions submit submitted submitting subscribe subscriber subscribers subscription subscriptions subsection subsequent subsequently subsidiaries subsidiary substance substances

substantial substantially substitute subtle suburban succeed success successful successfully such suck sucking sucks sudan sudden suddenly sue suffer suffered suffering sufficient sufficiently sugar suggest suggested suggesting suggestion suggestions suggests suicide suit suitable suite suited suites suits sullivan sum summaries summary summer

summit sun sunday sunglasses sunny sunrise sunset sunshine super superb superintendent superior supervision supervisor supervisors supplement supplemental supplements supplied supplier suppliers supplies supply support supported supporters supporting supports suppose supposed supreme sur sure surely surf surface surfaces surfing surge surgeon surgeons surgery

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teddy tee teen teenage teens teeth tel telecharger telecom telecommunications telephone telephony telescope television televisions tell telling tells temp temperature temperatures template templates temple temporal temporarily temporary ten tenant tend tender tennessee tennis tension tent term terminal terminals termination terminology terms terrace terrain terrible territories territory terror terrorism terrorist terrorists terry test testament tested testimonials testimony

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[cannotthinkofanaccountname]

That Hallway scene be like:

(Ben attempts to confront Hatbox Ghost in hallway) Alistair: Ah… Ben, were you looking for me?

Ben: (Instantly regrets his decisions) Nope!

(Starts walking away)

Alistair: (follows him) You sure?

Ben: (Walks faster) -Totally wasn't!

Alistair: (still following him) Why are you here, then? >:)

Ben: -Took a wrong turn at Albuquerque!

(Starts running)

[tychos-huzband]

The :]

ah yes Albuquerque from the song Albuquerque by Strange Alfred

[jortschronicles]

The Don Marcus Project - a costuming diary

At Vindheim's first Accademia della Spada, the tournament for Princess Octavia's champion was held. My brother white scarf, Master Marcus von Furth, WSA was chosen as HSH's personal champion to be sicced on her foes and to defend her good name and honor. Several years ago, when Marcus was chosen to be Deanna I's champion, she approached my wife to make him one new suit so he could better look the role. That she did, and in addition a second hand silk suit (seen below) we had bought hoping it would fit me did not, but it sure did fit our boy!

(I'm still mad about that suit not fitting me, I'm OBSESSED)

This time, Marcus approached me about making 1 new suit and 2 extra doublets to help him better look the part and to accommodate his sick new gains! Ah, the joys of working out and eating sufficient protein. All your old stuff no longer fits right, and specifically in the difficult areas to let out and take in. Marcus's preferred style of doublet is almost more of a jerkin, with little sleeve puffs as seen in his old doublet and in Don Gabriel de la Cueva y Giron Duke of Albuquerque by Giovanni Battista Moroni (Moroni my beloved <3333) as seen below. Obviously, the heat of Ansteorra contributes to certain styling decisions and the removal of the full length doublet between the undershirt and the puff-sleeved doublet.

The time had come for my second attempt to figure out the barra system and pattern drafting method featured in Matthew Gnagy's The Modern Maker. For those of you who haven't yet used it, it is genius and intuitive in how counterintuitive it can feel. Gnagy walks even an intermediate (begrudgingly) sewist through a historical pattern drafting method that relies on the tendency of the human body to be proportional in certain measurements to the bust, waist, hip, and height. It makes an incredibly good first draft which, for the doublet I'm working on myself concurrently, only took one pass. In defense of the mockup for Marcus, I was figuring it out as I went, okay?

I used multiple colors of sharpies to keep my brain from melting as I went, starting with a fine pointed light pink as a "sketching" sharpie and frequently clarifying lines with an orange or blue sharpie. I did run into issues where my math failed me and had to insert extra fabric, as seen above, but who knew what chaos those simple insertions would portend....

Behold, the frankendoublet. The result of me screwing up and miscalculating in some places, learning after the first try on that the wearer had gained 2 inches of bicep and almost 3 inches of chest and back muscle in the months since I'd last measured him, and in confirming his preference for a more modern, long-torsoed garment than the higher waistline seen in late period. I swear there was a method to this madness, but it gives a few of my apprentice siblings headaches looking at it and I don't blame them. I transferred the pattern to paper, and we were off to the races!

A quick interjection about the fabric choices: we are both in the middle of financial tight spots, so as much as I'd like to work with natural materials (that don't melt by campfires at the very least) we agreed to opt for 1 silvery-blue shot silk-look polyester doublet, 1 crimson shot silk-look polyester doublet, and 1 royal blue polycotton striped brocade full suit, all intended to be interchangable for a variety of outfits. I bought 2 yards for each of the doublets and 3 yards for the pants, rocking out at $40 flat for the self fabric. While not ideal for breathability and late night campfires, right now it's hard to beat costs like that. The silvery-blue can be seen for the remainder of this post as I chose to use it for the first doublet.

In one full day's work I have managed to chalk and cut out the full doublet from the self and the lining (a slate blue linen I pulled from stash) and used approximately 1.6 yards of each. Behold my selection of pattern weights, including a remote, a basket hilt, 3 bottles of paint, most of a block of wax, some drill blocks, sticky notes, and a can of coke I was putting off drinking so it could continue to serve as a pattern weight.

By the end of day 1 of sewing I had assembled the full body and sleeves and begun pinning the collar. This is my first suit lined doublet so I am definitely taking things a little slower than usual. Thus far all the seams have been machine sewn aside from the finishing on the sleeve cuff. After some extra thought considering biceps and the volume of fabric, I patterned the bicep cuffs to have approximately 2 inches of excess cuff to hide within the seam to be easily let out if further size changes do occur. At this point I left the cuffs open for one more fitting before seaming them closed. By the end of the night I also finished the strip of waist eyelets, sewn on linen canvas provided by Asa inn blindi, so in the future pants can be pointed to this doublet. By this time, however, I was a little too dangerously sleepy to be trusted with a sewing machine so with the collar pinned I ended for the night.

The next day saw the attaching of the collar, the reopening of the shoulder seam to "zhuzh" more of the length of the back into the shoulder to accommodate the natural volume of shoulder muscles and to make the collar fall correctly. The eyelet strip was first sewn to the seam allowance of the waist line, after which the seam allowance + eyelet strip was pressed to the body and stitched down securely. After that, some lovely hand dyed wool twill tape was donated by Asa in blinda to cover and protect the raw edges along the waist line.

Rather than the strip of silk taffeta Gnagy recommends the tailor tacks in to the left side to reinforce the buttonholes, I ironed in a strip of fusible interfacing as reinforcement.

Glamor shot of the interfacing being sewn in by hand. My hand seams are getting a wee bit straighter.

In absence of the much sturdier taffeta Gnagy recommends for both trimming and reinforcement, I used scraps of a much lighter weight silvery-gray silk fished out of Asa's scraps, like a raccoon through a trash can. This does not provide the same structural benefit as the taffeta trimming, but it does introduce a little extra "pop" to the colors imho.

Then I tackled my first-ever hand sewn buttonholes. I opted for 3 strands of DMC 930 cotton embroidery floss on the final project after testing with buttonhole thread, all 6 strands, and 2 strands.

And finally, some glamor shots of the completed garment. From left to right, the "secret ease" on the bicep meant to make adjustments for more muscle growth easier to accommodate, the collar lining sewn in, and the final garment waiting in my office to be handed to the recipient at Coronation.

Overall, I think we're both very pleased with the results. Master Marcus retained his full (and simply absurd) range of motion on and off the field, the garment is machine washable, and it is a lovely color on him. The combined power of the ladies of our Princess's household has convinced him to let me raise the waistline on doublet 2 a whole two inches, which I am very excited about.

What did I learn?

The barra method is not nearly as terrifying to manage as I think it is, as long as you trust the process

Multiple colors of sharpies are a game changer.

I'm actually faster at hand-sewing buttonholes than I am at machine sewing them, because I get so anxious about sewing them by machine.

Suit-lined garments are SO much easier to do seam finishing on, it's absolutely night and day.

I think I want to make an entire doublet of silk taffeta. This is a problem. I need money and confidence to do so.

What's next?

Update the 14th C English clothing powerpoint to what I currently use for classes

I am currently making an Elizabethan suit for Darien de Shameless with my apprentice sibling Asa in blinda, with aims of finishing it for Queens Champion

I am currently making an Elizabethan-ish suit for Viscount Micauley Morison ahead of Winter Crown (but cheating on the pants so he has one pair of breezy breeches). The construction is largely the same to this one, so if I make a post about it it probably won't include an entire construction diary. Just some glamor shots.

I am making Rus for Dona Halldora Hrafnsdottir, but I keep getting distracted on which Navershnik I want to finish first.

I am looking forward to making some new and improved Rus for myself and Centurion Runa Bjarki ahead of the Crown/Coronet season, with an eye towards moving us to more accurate pieces.

I need to do a Shift Weekend where I just churn out shifts, chemises, and rubakhas

[roaldamundsen]

Something that has been bugging me. Yes, Manuel is an honest man, but that does not mean that he is a good one. He is also very naive if he thinks going to the police would do him or Nacho any good. And no, I don’t blame him for not preventing Nacho from getting in the game, but one could… 

He waited outside the house for a bit once the man to arrived and entered before he slid out of his car and walked towards the door. Opening it was childsplay and he found Varga Senior in the kitchen, sitting at the table with some pre-cooked meal, it was pitiful. The whole situation was just sad. But Salamancas did not do sad and he was here to set the record straight so he could move one. No, so they could move one.

As expected the old man started to protest and threaten with the police, and wasn’t that just a running theme? But showing off the gun tucked away in Lalo’s waistband sufficed to make him shut up, and sit down.

Lalo sat down and watched him for a moment, the stubborn expression that was so often mirrored on Nachitos face, then he took out the fake ID he took from his beloved safe and placed it on the table. The reaction was instant “I won’t run…” “Si, si, si I know,” Lalo interrupted him, “You are an honorable and stupid man.” Manuel huffed in indignation and Lalo leaned forwards on the table to look at the man's face “You don’t think you’re stupid? Hm?” The cold glare that earned him shot a spart of fondness through his chest, yeah that was where his cariño got that from, so cute. “See,” he sprawled back again, “I think you are either stupid, or very misinformed. And I want to know which it is. So you will have” he waved his hand at the cooling plate “whatever that is, and we will talk, and then I will leave. All very civilized, entendido?” not expecting an answer he went on “See your son loves you very much, but I’m not sure you love him, since all you ever tell him is to die. Ah ah ah, “ he stopped Manuel’s protest in its tracks “Civilized, remember? Don’t be rude, I am talking now, you’ll get your turn.”

He picked up the ID off the table and looked at it for a moment before leaning back in the chair “Now where was I? Ah yes, wondering why you want Ignatio to die, or maybe you don’t, maybe you think he is such a chingon? That all he needs is to go to la tira tell them all he knows and they can take down the entiiiiire” he spreads his arms to emphasize the word “cartel. You think that, hm? You think he knows so much that the DEA and the federales can just arrest and convict every single cartel member, eh? No? Hm?” he picked up the ID again turning it between his fingers.”No, I don’t think so. Which only leaves stupid you see. What do you think would happen if he followed your advice? He goes in, they arrest him. He can give them some of the ground operations, my cousin, yes but, hell, he can’t even give them all of Albuquerque! He can’t give them enough for witness protection,” he leans forward again lowering his voice “He can give them just enough to piss the cartel off. And what then?” Hm?.” He sits back and lets the silence that fills the room speak for itself for a while. The now cold food looked even worse than before. Slowly he took a knife from his pocket and slid it open. “I can tell you what, first they would someone here. Someone mean and creative, some who took their time and then some pictures.” he starts to clean his nails with the knife, “And then they would send those to poor Nachito, all locked up and alone. You think they could not get to him inside? You think those pigs would protect him?” his spits a bitter laugh “They couldn’t and they wouldn’t. Your son would sit there with pictures of his bloodied and broken Papa, and they would leave him alive for just long enough for the pain to really sink in. And then someone would shiv him, probably in a bathroom. Spill his blood before he can even appear in court to give his statement. That, “ he points the knife at the older man ”is what it means to be an honest man in this life.”

Manuel remains stoic, a copy of his son then finds his voice “That is the life he chose.”

“But you didn’t stop him, isn’t that what a good honest man would have done?”

“He is a man grow.” the old man insists “He was only sixteen when we got him.” Lalo slimes serenely as he drops that bomb, watching the fight drain out of Varga Senior and being replaced by shock. “Wasn’t he still your responsibility back then? Yours to make a good and honest man out of him? Hm?” There was no answer and he didn’t expect one, he plucked the ID from the table and leaned forward. “An honest man would go to the policia but a good man, a good man would see the pain and despair in his son's face and he would go with him. But you didn’t, so here is what will happen. I will make Ignatio a deal, you will be safe and he will be mine.” he smiled waiting if the old man would say something. Nothing came so he cut a strip off the ID “He will be mine to take care of and protect” another cut “and you will be a thing of the past “and another cut “left behind for your own safety” and yet another cut “and most importantly for mi cariños peace of mind. He does not need your petty judgment, the postering of a man who could not keep his own son save when it counted and would not sacrifice his precious pride when his son begged.” he finished cutting and put the knife away.

“Don’t look so gloom suegro!” he pushed himself off the chair and stepped behind Manuel, placing his hands on the man's shoulder and leaning down “I’ll take of our Nachito, he will want for nothing, I promise.” he moved to leave the house but stopped and turned around at the door “You had your chance, now I’ll have mine, don’t mess this up for me papa. It would break Ignacio’s heart if anything would happen to you but there are always accidents, eh?”

He left with a pep in his step, he’ll cook something special tomorrow, offer his father's safety to Nachito and enjoy his gratitude. Something to look forward to.

ANON IM SORRY. I'm sorry I've let this one sit for so long. oh my god. meeting the parents gone terribly wrong

[heroicleader2763]

Way back when I was just a little bitty boy

Living in a box under the stairs

In the corner of the basement of the house

Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop

You know the place

Well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy

Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning

My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast

Aww, big bowl of sauerkraut

Every single morning

It was driving me crazy

I said to my mom

I said "Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?"

And my dear, sweet mother

She just looked at my like a cow looks at an oncoming train

And she leaned right down next to me

And she said "It's good for you"

And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth

And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut

Until I was twenty six and a half years old

That's when I swore that someday

Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place

Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer

And the towels are oh so fluffy

Where the Shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long

And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel

Wacka wacka doo-doo yeah

Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before my dream came true

Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest

To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt

I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize

That's right, a first class one-way ticket to

Albuquerque

Albuquerque

Oh yeah

You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before

And I gotta tell ya, it was really great

Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women

With excruciatingly severe body odor

And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time

The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts

And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore

And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out

And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside

And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died

Except for me

You know why?

'Cause I had my tray table up

And my seat back in the full upright position

Had my tray table up

And my seat back in the full upright position

Had my tray table up

And my seat back in the full upright position

Ah ha ha ha

Ah ha ha

Ah

So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage

I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days

Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag

And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball

And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel

But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn

Where the towels are oh so fluffy

And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna

It's OK, they're clean

Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C

And I turned on the SpectraVision

And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow

That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door

Well now, who could that be?

I say "Who is it?"

No answer

"Who is it?"

There's no answer

"Who is it?"

They're not sayin' anything

So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected

It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril

Oh man, I hate it when I'm right

So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel

And I'm like "Hey, you can't have that"

"That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me"

And he's like "Tough"

And I'm like "Give it"

And he's like "Make me"

And I'm like "'Kay"

So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus

And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows

And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation

Yes indeed, you better believe it

And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook

And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice

And you know what it said?

I'll tell you what it said

It said

"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"

"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"

"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"

"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"

In Albuquerque

Albuquerque

Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel

But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest

I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice

But first, I decided to buy some donuts

So I got in my car and I drove over to the donuts shop

And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter

And he says "Yeah, what do ya want?"

I said "You got any glazed donuts?"

He said "No, we're outta glazed donuts"

I said "Well, you got any jelly donuts?"

He said "No, we're outta jelly donuts"

I said "You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?"

He said "No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts"

I said "You got any cinnamon rolls?"

He said "No, we're outta cinnamon rolls"

I said "You got any apple fritters?"

He said "No, we're outta apple fritters"

I said "You got any bear claws?"

He said "Wait a minute, I'll go check"

"No, we're outta bear claws"

I said "Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?"

He says "All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels"

I said "OK, I'll take that"

So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out

And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over

Oh man, they were just going nuts

They were tearin' me apart

You know, I think it was just about that time

That a little ditty started goin' through my head

I believe it went a little something like this

Doh

Get 'em off me

Get 'em off me

Oh

No, get 'em off, get 'em off

Oh, oh God, oh God

Oh, get 'em off me

Oh, oh God

Ah, aah, aah

I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face

Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'

Like a constipated wiener dog

And as luck would have it

That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams

Her name was Zelda

She was a calligraphy enthusiast

With a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches

I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me

She said "Hey, you've got weasels on your face"

That's when I knew it was true love

We were inseparable after that

Aw, we ate together, we bathed together

We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss

The world was our burrito

So we got married and we bought us a house

And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly

Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah

But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me

She said "Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?"

I said "Whoa, hold on now, baby"

"I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment"

So we broke up and I never saw her again

But that's just the way things go

In Albuquerque

Albuquerque

Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me

Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream

That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler

I even made employee of the month after I put out that grease fire out with my face

Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that

I was gettin' a lot of attitude

Ok, like one time, I was out in the parking lot

Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil

When I see this guy Marty

Tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself

So I, I say to him, I say "Hey, you want me to help you with that?"

And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes

"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw"

So I did

And then he gets all indignant on me

He's like "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic"

Well, that's just great

How was I supposed to know that?

I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud

Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, Torso-Boy

So what's he complaining about?

Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote

This guy comes up to me on the street

And he tells he hasn't had a bite in three days

Well, I knew what he meant

But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein

And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over

And I'm like "Hey, come on, don't you get it?"

But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming

You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation

Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?

Anyway, um, um, where was I?

Kinda lost my train of thought

Uh, well, uh, OK

Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it

But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is

I hate sauerkraut

That's all I'm really tryin' to say

And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up

And find yourself in an existential quandary

Full of loathing and self-doubt

And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence

At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that

Somewhere out there in this crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours

There's still a little place called

Albuquerque

Albuquerque

Albuquerque, Albuquerque

Albuquerque, Albuquerque

Albuquerque, Albuquerque

Albuquerque, Albuquerque

I said "A" (A)

"L" (L)

"B" (B)

"U" (U)

"Querque" (querque)

Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque

Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque

Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque

Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque

Albuquerque

ooc: idek How to Reply to this in character. you win anon

[miwakosatoru]

The White Bag - A RedStarling Pre-Canon Fanfiction

Cast & Main Pairing: Shuichi Akai (26), Jodie Starling (22)

Rating: T

Genre: Rom-com, Fluff

Words: 1224

I do not own Detective Conan. Jodie Starling and Shuichi Akai belong to Gosho Aoyama. The others are supporting characters I created.

---

This is Shuichi and Jodie's flashback story, 6 years prior to the main timeline when they were still dating and Jodie was still a junior agent.

---

That day is the last day for the FBI team to be in the Albuquerque desert area after an outdoor mission to fall out of a criminal syndicate. Since morning, they prepared to leave the temporary headquarter area using a Jeep and headed towards Albuquerque International Airport. Jodie herself has settled up and is ready to go. While she packed her things, someone came closer to her. It's her boyfriend.

“You ready?” Shuichi rests his hand on her shoulder.

“Yap!”

“You'll ride with me, right?”

“But, Shu... I'm sorry, Andrea invited me to ride with her, along with Vanessa and Grace. Andrea will be the driver.”

Shuichi didn't say anything. He's looking at her with a flat gaze, as usual.

“Okay. Take care.” He rubbed her shoulder, making her blush.

“Thank you, Shu. See you!” she smiled.

No one knows they're now together. At least, their colleagues have yet to be made aware of it. Both of them preferred to keep their relationship private. They never did any PDA or something. But Shuichi always cares for her even in public and shows affection in his way, while trying his best not to get attention from others. The others already knew that they were close, but not as lovers.

Shuichi then left her, headed to the 7th Jeep, and sat in the driver's seat. Jodie kept her eyes on him until her colleagues from the 12th Jeep, the last one, yelled her name.

“Starling, come in! We're about to go!” Grace shouted. Jodie walked fast towards them, then placed herself in the 2nd-row passenger seat on the Jeep beside Vanessa.

Just right before they departed, Jodie's phone rang. A stranger's number called her, but she answered it anyway.

Jodie: Hello?

Someone: Hello, is this Agent Jodie Starling?

Jodie: Yeah, what's up?

Someone: A white Chanel handbag, with a rose keychain, is this yours?

Jodie: What? Yes, it's mine, but I believe I brought it with me!

Someone: I found it. Then, I left the bag near the reception table. I am unsure if it's yours or not. Just check it by yourself.

Jodie: Okay, hold on! I'll be right there.

The call ended, then Jodie immediately released her seatbelt and headed to go.

“What's wrong, Jodie?” Andrea asked her.

“Someone found my cosmetics bag, but he's unsure if it's mine or not. I think I should check on it.”

“Okay, we'll wait for you.”

Jodie left the car, going back to the headquarters. While she was gone, Shuichi came to face passengers on the 12th Jeep.

“Hey, Andrea! I think your car's oil is spoiled!”

“What?” she was surprised and checked it immediately.

“Ah, no fucking way! I need to hurry! I'm the one who booked the flight tickets! I have no time to fix this.”

“What if we exchange cars? I might stay here longer because I gotta clear some things up.”

“Whoa, is it okay, Shuichi?”

“It's okay. I can take it. My car is number 7.”

“Thank you! Okay, guys, let's move!” Andrea led her colleagues to move to Shuichi's car.

“By the way, you can keep all your luggage here. It'll be so much space since I drive alone,” said Shuichi.

“Eh, how about Jodie? We need to call her and tell her we'll move!” Vanessa uttered.

“Andrea is hurrying, right? It's okay, I'll take Jodie with me. She's a junior agent. She has nothing to hurry.”

“Alright. See you, then!”

Andrea, Vanessa, and Grace got out of the car and headed to the 7th Jeep. Minutes later, all of the Jeeps left the headquarters one by one, except the last one.

Meanwhile, Jodie desperately searched for her cosmetics bag. The housekeepers said they'd cleaned every spot in the reception room and found no bag. She then concluded someone had just taken her bag, kept it for her, and decided to return immediately.

When she arrived back at the parking area, she was so surprised when she found out only her Jeep was left there, and the others were gone. She felt guilty because her colleagues had to wait for her.

As she opened the car door, she yelled. “Ah, I'm so sorry to make you wait- Shu! What are you doing here?! Where's Andrea and the others?!”

“Stop talking and get in here,” Shuichi opened the car door for the passenger seat beside him.

“But, how?! What happened here?!” she sat on the seat but was still confused and startled.

“Where have you been?”

“Finding my cosmetics bag. Someone called me, he found it and put it somewhere on headquarters' reception desk, but when I searched for it, I found nothing,” Jodie breathed deeply, putting her hands on her head.

“You mean this?” Shuichi showed her the white bag she was desperately looking for.

“What?! How the hell my bag is on you?! You... Wait...” her expression changed from shocked to puzzled, full of confusion as Shuichi chuckled.

“Don't say it was your plan...”

“I'm amazed you noticed this earlier than I thought.”

“So it's true?! But... the one who called me... He didn't sound like you at all!”

“I paid someone to call you.”

“Shu..."

“See, Jodie. You ended up with me anyway.”

Jodie's cheeks reddened, realizing although Shuichi can be categorized as a cold-blooded man, he is also very sweet. He tricked her, fooled their colleagues, and made some effort only to be with her. If he had wanted to be with her so badly, he could've asked her one more time and forced her a little, and she wouldn't have refused. But, no. Shuichi would do it in Shuichi's way. He's a man of service, not a man of words.

“How did you manage to exchange car with them?!”

“I tricked them, said that this car oil spoiled. Whereas I spilled out the oil by myself.”

“Shu, you're ridiculous!” Jodie laughed. A pure, genuine laugh. So heartwarming and full of joy, like how she is in Shuichi's eyes. Shuichi then realized all the tricks he had done were worth it to make her laugh like that. She unintentionally gave him a ray of sunshine for his thunder, and he needs nothing more to heal himself after going through a hard mission.

Even though she was quite flattered by his actions, she felt a little bit of displeasure. “But you got me a heart attack, Shu! I can't lose this bag!” she gummed, crossing her hands.

“My apologies,” he grinned a little. “Is the bag contains holy grail or something?”

“My cosmetics and skincare, which cost around $1000 in total. And most importantly, I just bought this Dior lipstick last month for goddamn 50 dollars, Shu. It's still full. I ain't losing it for nothing!”

“You using it right now?”

“Yeah, why?”

Without thinking and considering any hesitation, Shuichi suddenly catches Jodie's lips with his and kissed them passionately. Jodie was startled, her muscles are stiffen, not ready for the surprise. But she enjoyed it eventually, especially when she began to taste the mix of tobacco and Bourbon in him. Time stopped for both of them, as their kiss is getting deeper, and deeper.

“Mmmh... Not too bad for 50 dollars,” said Shuichi after he broke the kiss. Jodie, however, was still processing what had just happened, while Shuichi started their Jeep and rode away toward the airport.

---

*Note: This is my first English fic, I'm so sorry for any grammar mistakes :“)

-Hagirara, 2023-

[nanabrainrot]

After reading the story with Lalo’s death, I’m curious about MC in Breaking Bad taking care of Hector. I’d love to see that ! Maybe she’d meet Walt and Jesse, who knows ?

I was j thinking of this; she ran into jesse a few times and has yet to meet walt because she stays at home with hector unless she goes out to get a necessity or her weird little home improvement efforts but I wrote a drabble on it </3 hmmc is so sweet despite her circumstances like she rly is j trying her best

Home Improvement

Summary: you like to refresh the house and practice your English. WC: 1528

It is hot out, admittedly thanks to the heat in New Mexico. The weather conditions were less than ideal for someone not accustomed to dry and hot climates but it was a reminder of Chihuahua. A slice of nostalgia packed in a carry away box and left to rot in the back of the fridge. It only consoled you that the same sun beamed down on you at a different time in different coordinates.

It feels like starting over, a rebirth, but with complications like a baby born with the cord around its neck wriggling and blue in the face.

But it’s not, it’s just a passing moment. Hector stays inside, given by his circumstances, but he will occasionally indulge in a walk if coaxed enough. Tuco stopped by often, Marco and Leonel less often, with their faces stiff and hands tense as they tentatively hand you a hard candy, then a soft one for Hector of course.

The place is a piece of shit compared to the house in Chihuahua, the hacienda where you could bathe in the sun but differently it feels more relaxed in the shitty house in the desert of Albuquerque, but some knick knacks serve little reminders; men really have no eye for decor, you think. Tuco is no handyman after getting out, that hot-head, relaying just the bare bones of meals and the scummy television. 

Internally, you wish Lalo would have let you have your own savings account. Nacho did deliver some money to you before he vanished and you saved it, sparsely trying to budget after twenty some years of knowing nothing about finances. Tuco was sweet enough to give an allowance and Marco and Leonel always secretively left a thick wad of cash every few months when they popped in. But thankfully, it’s enough for some paint this week.

The paint you can’t reach.

An accent wall with wallpaper would surely lighten the ambience of the shitshow house, still sorting out how to live without Lalo was a mess. It was a mix of good days and bad days, the days missing someone loving you and then the days where you recall he was not the best husband, that what you had was not healthy and not right. It’s liberating, freeing, so you choose a wallpaper too. If you could reach that one too.

“Lady, you need some help?”  

Frozen. Oh, Lalo’s not here. He can’t beat the shit out of some worker trying to help you, but at the turn of your neck it isn’t a worker but just… some kid. He didn’t look young enough to be in high school, but he likely graduated a year or two back. The scruff on his face is brown and the hue of his eyes look cold and harsh, but probably just the lighting of the harsh fluorescent lights looming above head.

“I just can’t reach the mint green up there or the dark blue floral paper of the wall. Can you just grab them for me?” you stutter, still acclimating to speaking English more than Spanish. You spoke in Spanish to Hector, but Tuco almost always spoke to you in English. It caused a headache; Lalo never spoke in anything but Spanish to you. Ah, it feels like a bad day and the thought of your accent feels heavy in your throat.

Did you say that right? It was mint, right? How do you phrase it?

“You mean wallpaper?”

“Yes! Wallpaper! I’m still learning English,” you murmur embarrassed as the kid in baggy clothes moves to get the items for you before clunking them into your wobbly little cart. It’s so odd, speaking with strangers without anyone looming over you. It's still hard to go outside without a dress code, no dress constricting the ankles, but you can’t help but try to look good still. 

Maybe he was looking at you from Heaven? He seemed to prefer the kitten wedges with a sundress, but this outside is outside of your realm. The cheap cotton of the clothes in New Mexico compared to the spoils of Chihuahua felt reminiscent of when you had no money in your teens. Ah, it still feels like a bad day.

“Your English is really good, ma’am,” he reassures.

“Really? You understand me?”

There’s the cross look of worry in his face at your mannerisms, the unnerving anxiety of the way your hands twitched and how you looked not at him but past him. “Yeah, perfectly,” the kid chuckles, “you’re a natural, lady.”

A grin, at him, not past him. “You are very nice, young man.”

“Young man? What are you, barely thirty?” he scoffed as you both went to roll your carts to checkout; his was full of thick tubs and strange chemicals. A science project for college, you thought innocently, glancing at his weird collection of items.

“So nice! I’m turning 46 this year - I think?” you murmur the last part, scooting ahead of the boy in the line since you only had the wallpaper and paint; you had been painstakingly washing the brushes over and over to use again. Money suddenly was so important in the past four years you had spent trying to fix up Hector’s house. It was coming along; some knick knacks recycled from Abuelita’s house to try to lift Hector’s spirits and antiques that had been restored to try and make it less scummy. The trials of getting paperwork and steady income was difficult after so many years without any work experience. It was foolish to forget Lalo was mortal.

“You think?” he laughs a little at your skittish self, placing the paint and wallpaper on the conveyor belt for the employee, who smiles half-heartedly. 

“Yeah, my husband never celebrated my real birthday. It got lost over the years but if my birth certificate is right I should be 46 in about two months?”

“Sounds like a shitty husband.”

It sounds like a backhanded compliment, one that you have brewed on, as you count the twenties that Tuco gave you. You miss the feel of pesos a bit, but going back over the border seemed to be a fruitless effort. It would feel like taking two steps back.

“Only sometimes,” you reply softly, taking the receipt from her and scooting forward so he could pay for his numerous tubs and chemicals.

“This is my car!” you cheer, showing him the otherwise unimpressive buggy with little scratches and bumps on it from your errors trying to learn how to drive; poles are always so much closer than they seem…

“You seem really excited for a little buggy, lady,” the kid chuckles, loading his tubs in his trunk of a bright red car. It’s all flashy, like Nacho’s was. “I am! It is hard to learn how to drive after you hit 40,” you grin,”I didn’t touch a wheel until 5 years ago!”

“Damn, you had a chauffeur?” he jokes, strolling next to you to the cart return with his own cart.

“Chaffeur?” you scrunch your brows, pushing the cart in.

“Oh uh, it’s a guy who drives you everywhere.”

“Oh? My husband was my chauffeur?”

“Your shitty husband was your chauffeur, yeah,” he laughs like a silly belly laugh and it makes you giggle. He was a shitty husband, you think sometimes, but not too often. If you reflect too hard you might miss the two decades you spent with him.

“Mister, I’m going home now - I’m my own chauffeur!” you cry out, trying to pronounce the new word like he did - like a real Albuquerque native. “What’s your name, mister?” 

He rolls down his window, a smile playing at his pink lips, “Jesse! You?”

You give him your name, not even a thought that the first thing that left your mouth for once wasn’t “Mrs. Salamanca” at the question. It starts to feel like a good day.

“Tuco, buenos tar - I mean good afternoon! I bought - not buyed! - the wallpaper and paint for our sanctuary,” you holler, happy at the conversation. Usually, you were too iffy to allow for help but the only other option was to scale a ladder yourself or talk to the ginormous lumberjack of a man that worked in the store rather than the nice boy.

“Tio, mira, este es un hermoso mint! Mint green para nos muras!” you smile, pecking Hector’s head like Lalo did every time he saw him. His lip twitches.

The past four years without Lalo were not easy, but it’s living. The walls are mint and it smells like paint in the kitchen, something Hector rang his bell about jokingly as you poked your tongue at him. The one wall has wallpaper, but you think you could use more. The sweet floral against the navy looks like Lalo’s shirts. You hope you run into Jesse twice at the store. Internally, you wish him luck with whatever science project he has going.

But for now, the print of Lalo’s shirt is reflected in the wall, seen by Hector’s little glance and your tight throat. And you wonder, a small voice in your head, how do you get back twenty-four years?

-

AUTHOR'S NOTE: the mc from Homemaker will be divided into three routes for people looking for the true ending that works with canon, the Homemaker verse where Lalo wins, and my work "Companion Dog" will be focused on the weird moments in their marriage where ur like "that's not healthy!" ty for the askkkkkkkk i love interactions and interest in my work <3

[fractallogic]

Ah dammit setting this in ABQ was a mistake. Now all I want is to go back to New Mexico. Fuck. And every time I drove down to Pueblo I’d be like “I could just keep going for another 3-4 hours and I could be in Albuquerque instead and wouldn’t that be better” (which I think is also what I told my mom when she told me she was moving to Pueblo after my brother graduated high school) (sorry Pueblo you’re fine but man. If the choice is Pueblo vs basically anywhere in New Mexico? NM wins about 85% of the time)

Also not me walking to the writing “retreat” this morning thinking “you know if it were Tucson it would already be like 85 degrees now and these jeans and tennis shoes would be unbearable… man I miss Tucson” completely sincerely and unironically

Scone, my sweet scone, pastry whom i love who has wanted so badly to live in portland again since he left in like 2014? 2015?, I am so sorry but I need both of us to get into industry to have the experience on our resumes and then I need us to gtfo of the PNW. Or like, I need to spend a significant amount of time in the southwest. Because after moving out of Tucson I didn’t *really* think I’d miss it being 105 on a daily basis but oh my god I want to cry because at least I could self soothe with good yoga and blasting AC and all the Mexican food I could stuff into myself. I miss the monsoon season and the truly oppressive heat that feels like you’re walking into a hair dryer. I miss people speaking Spanish. I miss all of the cafes and restaurants and all of my friends. I miss the saguaros and the lizards and the ocotillos.

I know it’s literally hotter in Tucson than it is where he’s living in Saudi Arabia and he hates it and arizona is his “anywhere but there” place to live, but… wah :c