#ims ure ill end up finding them myself but you know

[gorillaxyz]

one thing that has ALWAYS attracted me to the concept of superman is the ICONIC pulling dress shirt apart to reveal his fuckass S. I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED IT when he did it the first time in the 1978 movie i cheered IT IS JUST TOO AWESOME

[sadceline]

THE ENHYPEN HOST || 22

|| Reverse harem || ft. TXT, Mingyu (Seventeen) & BTS

WARNINGS: foul language, explicit content, group sex, humiliation, sex in public, threesome, foursoome, rough sex, red flags, immoral acts, unprotected sex, morbid jealousy, comedy, parody, possessiveness, violent quarrels, arguments, betrayals, lies, femdom sometimes.

GENRE: +18, reverse harem, comedy, enemy to lovers, friends to lovers

INDEX (Chapters order)

It must be strange for her, given the new terms of her contract, but I am surprised to see her in the kitchen at all.

I heard from our manager that Amanda had an appointment with a Hybe doctor today, that there was no need to accompany her as he would take care of it. I think even he would eventually fall in love with her and, realising how impossible it is not to, he would make our host change.

That would sort of fix everything, but what would happen to Amanda?

I sigh and turn off the last burner. I don't look at her directly, I feel uncomfortable. I said some crazy things the last time we were alone, I don't want to deny it but there's a part of me that still believes them.

"How are you?" She sits up and stares at me blankly. "Fine." "You don't look like you got much sleep." I say, getting the dishes ready for the boys, because if I don't think about it, they'll end up eating junk, or worse, not eating at all. "We just slept." She says, but sounds lifeless. "You don't have to explain, I don't care."

I say as I walk over to the table with her plate and place it in front of her, but she keeps looking at me. Why is she staring at me? Why do I feel uncomfortable?

"You know about the video, right?" She asks.

I swallow in annoyance, put down the plate and go back behind the cooker to tidy up. "You have your first appointment today, with the gynaecologist, I think. - I abruptly change the subject. - Would you like to go with Ester?" "C-can I do that?" She asks, as if she had forgotten her first question, so enthusiastic is about the proposal.

I swallow and lower my eyes. Damn, she's so cute when she makes expressions like that…

"I think you would feel more comfortable than with our manager." "R-Really… I… I'd be happy with that, b-but-" "I know about the video. Don't worry." I sigh annoyed, but really I'm just uncomfortable. "Do you… do you think I could talk to Jungwon? D-Do you think he'd be angry?" "It depends. To what?" Jake asks as he walks into the kitchen.

His hair is down today, now that I notice it's gotten really long, it falls elegantly over his face, he has a stern look on his face, but that's probably just because he's just woken up and is in a bad mood. But he took his plate and sat down next to her, even though neither of them had answered.

"It doesn't matter." Amanda says under her breath. "If these guys blackmail you, let me know. - Jaeyun says, although his tone is friendly he doesn't seem to be joking, I know him. - I'll talk some sense into them."

I purse my lips, and although she doesn't seem to notice, Jaeyun gives me a dirty look. He's probably heard more than is letting on, now he's definitely in a bad mood.

"What are you doing today?" I ask him, pouring myself some water and leaning against the kitchen counter as I look at him quietly. "I've got a photoshoot and then I'm making a video for YouTube with Sunoo. - I nod interestedly, but I already knew that, I just wanted to change the subject. - And you?" "I'm taking Amanda to the doctor." The girl turns to me in surprise, but it's Jake who answers before she can open her mouth. "Why you?" "She's going with Ester… I'm taking the opportunity to see her." I smile. "It's crazy that you're the one doing these things. - Jake laughs instead. - You know you make a mess when they see you? There are MAMAs in a couple of months." "The visit is in Hybe. It's safe." I reply, no longer smiling, but annoyed that although it really is safe, it would actually be safer not to go.

The Hybe is like a jungle and every step you take could be a landmine, ready to explode at any moment. I know, I'm annoyed to be reminded of this, but I can't say anything else.

"Then be careful." Jaeyun snorts and starts to eat. "I will."

Also entering the room is Riki, who is just thrilled to see Amanda at the table and literally wastes no time in taking a seat next to her.

"Good morning noona. Are you awake because you slept all night? Sunghoon hyung wasn't much, was he?"

He asks amusedly, continuing to invade her personal space, leaning and rubbing against her like a cat, but shaking her so much that he also moves Jake, who seems even more nervous.

Could this really have happened? Did Sunghoon not have the strength to do it alone one last time? Or could it even have been her who rejected him? Both possibilities seem unlikely to me.

"Won't you bring my plate?" Riki asks after a while when he notices that it doesn't come. God, how spoiled he is. "Don't you have hands? Or legs?" I answer, approaching the coffee machine. The maknae mumbles as he stands up, Amanda looks at me. "Have you eaten?" I look away quickly, not wanting to make eye contact with her for too long or I'll feel weird. "I don't eat in the morning." "You cook for everyone, but you don't eat?" She asks me meekly… looking… worried.

I don't have time to answer because a freshly reared Heeseung specimen joins us in the kitchen.

Although on his days off he doesn't wake up before ten o'clock, or worse, this morning he appears out of nowhere in the kitchen, leaving everyone quite surprised, but seeing what a pissed off face he has, no one comments.

"Good morning, bitches, and Amanda." "Over to you, hyung." Raises his glass of juice, Riki, who seems completely amused by the chaotic situation we're in.

She lowers her head, not quite able to withstand Heeseung's gaze. I wonder if it's because she's afraid of him or because she has feelings for him, either way I shouldn't care, but either way it bothers me.

"So - Heeseung begins to speak, approaching the counter and taking his plate - today we define the terms of the contract? The boundaries?" He asks, sitting at the head of the table so he can look at both Amanda and me.

"I don't know, it's the doctor's appointment today. Maybe you'd rather relax - I say with a disinterested air - and then she can discuss the terms with me alone." Heeseung laughs in annoyance. "Yeah? Just you? And who exactly are you?" What a friendly tone, but I smile, nervous but smiling. "Someone more trustworthy than you." The elder man laughs again and bites into his eggs. "All right, let's pretend. And where is this examination? Who is she going with?"

Jungwon arrives in the kitchen, followed by Sunoo. He's smiling even at this late hour. I immediately notice that the first person he looks at with his eyes, which would normally be me, is Amanda instead.

Her hair is dishevelled, she is made-up, her eyes are tired, and yet she remains so beautiful. She is wearing one of Sunghoon's few sweatshirts, as he is not used to wearing them, and even without doing anything in particular, she manages to be irresistible.

Perhaps the fact that she is the only girl in the dormitory makes us particularly vulnerable.

"Let's go together, me and Jay hyung." Jungwon says, taking his plate and sitting down opposite Amanda, then with his back to me. "Why should you go? I'm free too." "I see Ester - I explain - Jungwon is doing his job as a leader. You know it's not a good idea send her with Yuki."

We've been calling him that for so long, our manager, that I'm sure Riki can't even remember his real name. Maybe his surname.

Heeseung laughs again. "It's fine, it seems absolutely safe for you two to go out with two girls, sure. After all, you're not idols, you're not even part of a group named Enhypen". "The visit is in Hybe - explained Jungwon, who I spoke to by text this morning. - Everything will be fine, but thank you for your concern! It's good to know that you care about us."

This time the elder does not answer as Sunoo starts to laugh while sitting next to the leader. I smile too as I drink my coffee, silent and smug.

"Is he a male gynaecologist?" Heeseung asks. I shake my head. "I don't know. Anyway, Ester goes with her, so…" "We all know why Hybe has a gynaecologist, don't we?" Jaeyun asks, who hasn't finished his breakfast yet, but definitely eaten. "For abortions?" Riki asks spontaneously. Jungwon chokes and starts to cough, Sunoo laughs but hands him some water and taps him on the back. "Come on, come on. It's not the time to die, at least wait until you're 27 so you'll stay in history… Anyway, I think there's sumbae Taehyung in Hybe today".

He says it like it's nothing, but he's literally just dropped a bomb. The first thing that comes to mind is: is Bangtan going to have a host? And immediately after that: why him? I mean, even Jungkook would be fine (because he's such a snob), but Taehyung… he's really particular, I don't want him to meet Amanda… or Ester.

"Isn't it dangerous to go to Hybe? There are always fans lurking around the headquarters." Riki asks, having finished eating, oddly enough everything.

Amanda just pinched her food, still looking down, and even the news about Taehyung didn't cheer her up. Why am I so sorry? I shouldn't be.

Actually the area is safe, they have their people who keep an eye on everything and then we enter through the underground car park. As for Taehyung sumbae…. I don't think we'll meet him. - Jungwon laughs. - We are nobodies to him." "Actually, he doesn't notice you, he notices them." Remember Heeseung looking at me, though, clearly expecting something, from me, and I'm pretty sure it's keeping Taehyung away from Amanda. "The medical department is secluded, hardly a chance to say hello to the sumbae." I say, trying to put an end to this conversation that is starting to get on my nerves.

Sunghoon also arrives in the kitchen, his face looking worse than it has for months. The first thing he does is stare at Amanda, who notices and lowers her eyes.

"Medical department? Say hello to who?" He asks. I look at him for a few seconds without answering, then sigh. "Amanda is going to see the Doctor. Her friend Ester is going with her, so I'm going with Jungwon too. Taehyung sumbae will be at headquarters." "I'll come too." He says without thinking. Jungwon snorts. "No."

I don't know what to say at the moment. It's not like him to forget that he has work commitments, is he so… shaken by the whole thing that he would make such a mistake? He doesn't seem like himself.

"You have a commercial today, don't you remember?" I ask him curiously. Sunghoon looks at me in surprise. "Ah… that's right, I haven't checked my phone yet." "You remember what he does but not what I have to do?" Jaeyun asks me with a chuckle.

Amanda lifts her eyes to Sunghoon, confused, probably softened. She must have noticed that Sunghoon left the room as soon as he dont saw her. Heeseung witnesses the whole scene, then puts his chopsticks on the plate, noisy, annoyed, Amanda lowers her gaze, almost intimidated.

What a guy, Lee Heeseung.

It's useless anyway. - Try to calm the situation, Jungwon, with great nonchalance. - I'll go, i'm the leader. Amanda would like the company of a friend, Jay hyung's chick". "Does Hanni know?" Sunghoon asks annoyed. "What? That I, as leader, have to supervise the medical examination of our host? - He pauses briefly. - No, I missed it. Does Wonyoung know?"

Sunghoon doesn't answer, but by now he's not even angry, obviously Wonyoung's affairs can no longer be used against him. He comes over to the counter where the coffee machine is. I make breakfast for him too, but he often skips it, like now, when he makes himself an american coffee instead.

"When are you leaving? - Heeseung asks, getting everyone's attention. - When are you coming back?" "When are we going, hyung?" Jungwon asks. "Around ten." I answer. "When are we coming back?" He asks again. I laugh, it's unbearable when he does that, but his sense of humour kills me. "We'll see." "Good answer!" "They're stupid, but you acts like tyrant." Sunoo comments, eating very quietly and enjoying the show, though I wonder how he feels lately. "I'm the cutest tyrant in the world though, right noona?" Jungwon asks, waving at her, and she actually raises her eyes, paralysed by the young leader's expression.

Fuck… she's practically blushing in front of him and now looks around nervously. How is she older than me? She's so damn pretty. I approach Jungwon and slap him politely on the back of the head.

" Yah! Why?" "Stop being a tyrant. - I pretend to scold him, then sigh. - Look, I'm not letting you get up until you've finished eating."

At first she does not seem to understand, but when she does, she stares at me with that strange look she always gives me. I don't know what it means, but she looks sad.

I want to be part of the tyrant too!' - Riki says and raises his hand. - Besides, I've got nothing to do. Come on, you should take me with you." "No." Heeseung replies, crossing his arms over his chest, he hasn't touched his food yet, this isn't like him at all. "You can't tell me what to do." Niki mumbles, though not as proudly as usual, moving some leftovers around the plate with a chopstick, this boy with no manners… "Yah, don't play with your food. You'll find the same breakfast until you eat it." "I'm not playing - he whines like a wayward child - come on, let me come with you!" "No, go and join Heeseung." I snort, amused. "I don't want to, I don't want to!"

I see Amanda smiling because of Riki's funny and childish tone, who doesn't usually act like that, or rather… he used to act like that a lot… but now he's changed. There are many reasons why he did that, but we were also suffering and someone realised it too late.

He used to be a funny guy, a bit weird, but always happy - like Jungwon, but without his malice. Now he has the malice and he has gone dark with all of us, maybe because of the problems he had with Jaeyun, whatever they may be.

I nod amusedly. "Try tidying up the house, there are so many things you could do on your day off." Heeseung is very stiff, I can see and feel it. "Stay home, we'll spend some quality time together." This sounds like a veiled threat. "Since you left before I woke up - Sunghoon sighs, looking sad and a little tired - I put my number on your phone." He tells her. I look at him, annoyed. "How did you do that? Do you know her code?" "I found out the first day." He says, sipping his coffee. Amanda laughs, not in delight, but in obvious disbelief, her eyebrows raised in surprise. "You lied. Did you read my chats?" "I don't understand… English that well - in fact, he doesn't even understand it that badly - and anyway, I have dignity, I don't give a damn about your chats." Sunghoon replies, always very polite. "Should Amanda noona teach you?" Sunoo suggests, laughing. "I know some english too." Jaeyun replies. "Did your phone come back?" Heeseung asks, looking at our host who nods weakly.

It's strange, it's the first time in a long time that we're all in the kitchen, should I be happy about it? Actually, the correct emotion is concern - most of them are just here to check on Amanda.

Although it seems obvious that she is the element that will divide us, I keep getting the impression that she is actually bringing us closer, albeit in a somewhat toxic way… not that she is to blame, of course.

"I'm meeting Intak hyung today." Sunoo says changing the subject. "Really? He didn't ask about me?" Riki asks. "Why would he?" The blonde asks again, sulking. "Why should he go out with you?" The maknae replies amused. I shrug my shoulders. "None of your business."

Eventually they all start to annoy Sunoo a bit, reminding him that he's a pretty shady guy and hangs out with guys who are a bit crazy, but knowing Sunoo, now, he's even more interested in hanging out with him, after all he's just a rebellious kid too.

"You eat too. - Heeseung sighs irritably and looks at Sunoo before getting up from the table. - And you, let me know when you get home." He speaks to Amanda. Sunghoon is visibly annoyed, probably because it would be strange to say the same thing now, and he wants to. "Let's have a group. I don't see the point of talking alone". "That's not a bad idea - Jaeyun says, putting down his chopsticks, he hasn't finished his breakfast either, but I know it's not because of the taste. - But you gave her your number, right?" Sunghoon looks at him boredly. "Everyone but you." "Then you haven't really seen her chats." He bursts out laughing.

The peer stares at him wordlessly, but then seems to think, I think he saw the chats, but hastily, because he was too proud. He probably didn't check the archived chats, what a newbie… ….

Heeseung looks up in irritation and then leaves the room, not even bothering to put his plate down. I grin irritably, I hate it when he remembers he's older, because there's no way I can compensate for that.

"Such manners." Sunghoon comments. I push him. "Shut up." "You shut up." He replies. "Noona, you really need to finish your breakfast." Says Jungwon, who hasn't been heard from for a while.

With his back to me, I didn't see his expression the whole time, but he was silent for a long time. He was probably studying the people around him to get a better idea of what they were thinking.

Amanda nods, awkwardly but charmingly filling his mouth, and I hear the leader chuckle.

"Go get settled, it takes an hour each time." "Right, we could meet Taehyung hyung. - He nods, gets up and takes the dishes of the others, too, to put them back into the dishwasher. - We have to hurry, Noona." "Speaking of which, you shouldn't wear anything flashy. Neither should your boyfriend." It sounds like advice, but it's more of a threat to Sunghoon as he turns to Amanda, who avoids his gaze. She does the same with him - could it be that she likes them both? "You have a lot of cloths to me - Jaeyun interrupts - change in my room." Amanda looks at me, not understanding, then turns and smiles weakly. "W-Well, thank you." "Don't thank him, he's not doing anything special." Sunghoon approaches her angrily. "Finish eating." I tell her again.

She gives me that adorable worried look and goes back to her breakfast like a child who has been scolded. Jungwon watches her for a few seconds, then smiles softly.

"Omo, noona. You look so pretty while you eat." He says. I snort and grab him by the shoulders and push him out of the kitchen. "I said dress!" "Jay, you have to be careful today." Sunghoon tells me when the leader has finally disappeared from the hallway. "I know." I sigh. "Have you talked to Ester? Did you tell her to dress inconspicuously?" He calls her by name? "Yes." I answer. Sunghoon's lips tighten, as if he's annoyed because there's nothing else to pick on me about. "She can't meet Taehyung." "She won't meet him." I snort. "Can I… can I move my schedule?" "You want to postpone the production of a commercial? - I look at him in silence, wishing he would see the absurdity of his suggestion for himself. - Don't talk shit. Pull yourself together."

The truth is that I've been thinking about this for a while. I didn't want to concretise my thoughts in order to get the hypothesis out of my head, but what worries me now is not that Taehyung notices Amanda.

But that Ester notices Taehyung.

The night we met she talked a lot about BTS, about being an army. Ester is just as beautiful as Amanda, and she fits the korean standard of beauty much better, with her milky skin, petite but graceful body, and her boobs, that no heterosexual man can ignore it, right?

Amanda will be scruffy, Ester probably not scruffy enough - I've warned her not to wear skimpy things, but I haven't told her to dress badly. Should I do it now? It feels wrong, though, because she might meet her idol.

But what if…

No, that's absurd. Taehyung probably won't even look at us, and we'll have to try and go unnoticed too, before some big head from Hybe questions the situation of the two of us together with two beautiful girls.

"Noona, would you like me to give you some tips on how to dress?" Riki suggests, catching everyone's attention. Amanda giggles, perhaps for the first time this morning. "Thanks… But I'm really good at dressing badly." "There, I'm getting bored already. - The brat sighs and gets up from the table. - I wonder if Heeseung hyung is in the mood to get his ass kicked at Play".

He leaves the room. I laugh but try to keep my composure, the fact is that even though Heeseung has been playing for years, Riki seems to get good at everything instantly, even games he doesn't even know.

Jaeyun takes Amanda by the shoulders as she finishes eating. "Let's go, come on." Amanda meekly lets herself be pulled along. "Alright…" Sunghoon watches them go, then mumbles. "Shit, is the doctor a man?" "I have no idea, but I…" "I don't want another man to see her naked." He interrupts me, quietly angry. I sigh, I can't take it any longer. "We've all seen her naked, practically." "It's not the same." He replies seriously. I narrow my eyes, annoyed by his concern. "Can we? Me, can I?" Sunghoon's face changes, I knew this would happen, but I answered anyway. "You've got your new girlfriend, right?" "We know it's no problem, right?" "Don't piss me off." "I'm just trying to reason with you. - I sigh again and pat him on the shoulder before leaving him alone in the kitchen. - Go and have a shower, you look like shit."

[sulfies]

In your heavy bleeding au, does Desmond remember his bleeds or does he just black out during the whole process? Also, does he have certain triggers?

Love all your au stuff btw owo

Im glad my au is infecting everyones brain muhahaha

to answer, when I draw Desmond with yellow eyes and fainting like a damsel I think in my head its one fo 2 things:

1) he is having such a heavy bleed(hehe pun) his body shuts down and all he can do is to live thru the bleed basically, he would not be able to tell its a bleed even if someone told him it was one(they cant tho since he is stuck in the bleed in his head) so he just has to ride it out. It probobly disorients him quiet a bit once he gets out of it for hrs maybe in some cases days.

2) he is having visions from apple and its such heavy knowledge his human brain kinda goes overheat mode.

In the end you can determine yourself (since its an au nothing is set in stone lol) if he remembers or not but for myself:

I think on 1)

he doesnt remember all details, after he is out of the episode he probobly remembers who the bleed was about and some context but not all, but some stuff lingers for few hours sometimes days as mentioned. maybe he finds hard to switch to the language he uses the most or his emotions carry over, like if it was about altair right after he lost his ranks, he feels some petty anger towards Malik he cannot explain but he can figure out it was cocky-altair memories probobly due to context clues. They are probobly like dreams(or nightmares) in a sense where the more he tries to remember the more he forgets about details…

for 2)

He is just not that smart enough (sorry Des ur no Altaïr…)to explain what the apple showed him but he probobly does remember in a sense; if its things like a remedy, a basic invention or instructions that he can learn from a yt video normally he can muscle memory to make em. its more like “how tf did u do that” “uhhh i have no idea” withing a limit lol so he cannot invent phones bc he probobly cant even make a phone in modern day

——————

for his other heavy bleeds where he is not passed out with eyes all gold I think some of the same rules as 1) apply where he doesnt know he is in a bleed, especially if he is bleeding as someone bc at that moment he thinks he is that person, but someone could snap him out of it if they tried (usually if he is bleeding ezio and actual ezio shows up he can make Des snap out of it but its not foolproof) and afterwards he probobly remembers most of it (to his horror) bc he did actively and physically live thru it. Like w the fic where he thinks there are guards after him but its a bleed, after he learns it is he still remembers them and sees them

but again I think the fun part is u can kinda make Des suffer in anyway you want (again…sorry Des…)so no rules are set in stone, so if you dont want him to remember anything after bleeds you are free to do so and ill probobly break these guides aswell lol

————-

for triggers hmm i think anything you want could be a trigger lol but it doesnt have to be “triggered” to happen. I think like that other fic when he first time-travels and lands in Italy or Levant he would most likely have a bleed where he thinks he is someone else sooner or later bc the enviroment shocks him and confuses him (as time travel does) so something that “shocks” him can send him into an episode but he could also be totally fine in another scenerio

in my hc w the fainting ones, they are similar to seizures w how they come and go (I do not get seizures so my research is very limited) so sometimes he can guess it will happen few seconds to min before but he cannot stop them and sometimes it just gets him by suprise, for the ones where he doesnt faint he again has no idea when it will happen and most likely cannot tell it will, those ones are probobly more affected by “triggers” but they dont have to be as I said above

ty for askingg sorry to give an essay as response lol

[bl00dyc0rpze]

Im

Gomnna fucking crybuntil i fuckiingvouke inhagte my fucking ligfe ibdeserve to die ssssdddcgaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassss fuckdufcufuvkfuckfuckfuckficjb why di they like him he sucks they should love me im great he should kill himself i want to watch himnfuckiingvdie he deserves to due lololol aaaaafhbj i want to find him and lill him and take aomy anger out on him he desere ever once of pain but i cant hurt him i dont have the time and theywould aldo hate me and o cant have them hate me my life would completely be over if they hated me life would mean nothing to me without them i need them god i feel so fucking numb but i also feel the need to cry i was fine for awhile but now im back to this numb feeling and all i feel now is like fucking anger and numbness i hate my life so much i wish i was noral i wish ivwas who they wanted but i also wish tgey were happy and they wouldn’t be happy with me because i suck but im also better than him and everyone else and they should datr mr ans love nme and inly and they should leave everyone and run away wurh me and then we could live together forever just us together and we’ll be happy and ill take care of them and orotect them and ill be a good boyfriend i wont nevmean ill be petfect because i am perfect we’re meant for each other and we should be together forever and they’ll love me until we grow old together and we’ll die together but god thats stipid and womt hsppen im delsinal thry dimtblove they love him and not me thrull never love me again at least he has feelings and isn’t aggressive and is everything I’ve always wanted tp be hes tall and a real boy and plays every intrrememt i want to play and he has them head iver heels in love with him maybe i cant tell i think they love rhem it would be great if they duddnt i wish hee didnt exist hes so much better than and cool and nicer and not as fucked in the head i want to die lol guck life sucks lige.m is stupid i hate it so much i wish i was never birn i didnt ask for this im so tired everything sucks fucking shit god damn it fuck i hate everything hahahahgah it would be better if i nust dissapered inwish everyone would just forget about me lolololololololololololololoooollloooool fucking shit god damn it i sucl i want the world to end maybe if the world ends ill ginally die i wish i could just die maybe i cant die i might be immortal i downd two bootyles of pills and i didnt die why didnt i die why wont die i could be god i could be the next god and im being tested on hiw much i can take and see if im git to be god i hope I qualify because I want to be godi want to br in control of thr world i need to be in control i love control but i also cant control myself i do bad things i think bad things i shouldn’t very bad things my mimd is a bad place i dont like it but i dont like this world either whatever this world i want out pf it it sucks i keep seeing their notifications pop up but then thetrs nothing actually there when i check i hear thri voice sime times they say my name i talk ti them when im alone i know they’re not there but i pretend rhery are i always feel like theyywatching me some how theteodomrthinhg watching me constantly iv feel it i have since i was a kid i hate it lollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll lol yhhhuahahssssas fuck in wanr mt brain to syop i want it tocall fuckinh stop it jeeds to stop inwant my brain ti bevquiet im do tierd im sorry i love you i love you so much imc so sorry please love me ur all i have ur my only frirnd ur the only oetson i need i miss u ur amazing ur the best ur so pretty i love staring at pictures of u ruey male me happy u make me feel human im sorry

[flirtatiousfemme]

How would you describe an ideal partner? What are yiur red flags/absolute no’s?

this ended up being pretty long so sorry in advance haha definitely doesnt even cover all of it

in terms of ideal traits physically definitely stronger than me is a big thing for me. taller would be nice too but not necessary since im usually the taller one. ideally someone pretty masc or butch. futch is good too and not opposed to femme rn (considering going completely femme4butch but not yet). i love when someone has pretty eyes. i dont rly have preferences for like hair color or eye color or things like that i have a small preference for other bipoc ppl tho my last gf was white and thats like fine i could definitely marry someone who is but it is a slight preference

definitely someone who takes a dominant/top role im pretty exclusively a sub and bottom. i like when someone a little possessive/clingy im definitely kinda like that too i want us to be like that with each other. also ideally someone who takes interests in the things i like (movies, books, music, food/cooking, travel, etc) we dont need exactly the same interests but i wanna be able to talk about the things i find fascinating and have them genuinely listen and care.

personality wise being funny is a big one for me im always making jokes and i like having someone to banter with. smart too is great not necessarily super book smart but like i wanna have deeper conversations about things and learn about things together. wanting to have kids is a big thing for me too im flexible on number tho as long as its more than one. i also love when ppl can speak another language like ill learn it for u so we can speak it together and id love if someone else learned my second language too idk its fun to know each others languages and to be able to talk in a second language in public so nobody rly knows what ur saying haha. i also rly love when ppl are passionate about things and have things theyre super into and teach me about them. i find that rly attractive. im also rly affectionate and want my partner to be too i wanna compliment them and have them compliment me

for red flags/hard nos id say ppl who havent like grown up? like im not ur mom dont make me act like ur mom. if u cant like clean up after urself or contribute to chores at all then thats a pretty hard line. its one thing if they take more of the provider role and i take the homemaker role thats fine but ive dated ppl who did basically nothing and im not doing that again. weaponized incompetence too is a hard no. same with polyamory like im fine being fwb with someone poly but long term im looking for monogamy thats a hard line for me. another pretty hard no for me is someone closeted/ashamed of being a lesbian like if ur not holding my hand in public or i have to be a "friend" around ur family like thats not happening for me. im a big pda person and if u cant show u love me around the ppl in ur life we wont last.

stuff thats less like base level is like someone who doesnt pay attention to me when im talking? like if theyre constantly on their phone when im trying to talk to them and having to repeat myself a lot that rly bothers me. ppl who cant like commit to plans also that bothers me if we're planning on going to see a movie i wanna go see the movie. also on vacations im a huge planning/itinerary person and ill put in enough of like rest time but if we're in a fun new place i wanna follow the itinerary we made and go to the museums and go try new foods i dont wanna just sleep in and kinda waste our time there. it kinda ties into when i cant rely on someone thats a problem for me like i need to know ur there for me when it counts and like can also be responsible when it matters. like making big financial decisions without talking to me especially like bad ones is a problem for me like its great to spend money on enjoying ur life but also being a little reasonable is important too (goes back to the mom thing dont make me play the mean one role bc u cant control ur spending habits)

[c0rinarii]

Gonna recompile some thoughts about the 13SAR characters now that im past midpoint!

Juro: Oh its getting juicy.... unfortunately my boy is still as intresting as a plank of sheet wood but im intrested to see if his character goes anywhere outside of the Kyuta stuff going on. Im also sorry i ever suggested to u to make out with Kyuta.

Iori: SHE'S SO FUNNY.... I aspire to have even an inch of her whimsy and dedication to being so #normal. I too would like to confess to my weird as hell crush disregarding the fact he's a dangerous fugitive. Girl of All Time

Shuu: Frat bot facade is slowly starting to crumble and im here to see it. Uncover the truth, gayboy‼️

Megumi: I FEEL SO SORRY FOR U GIRL.... 😭 May you find peace in the future but its an overall shitty situation to be in. truly have her in my thoughts and prayers

Natsuno: I WAS SO HEARTBROKEN TO SEE HER WHIMSY FADE AWAY ONCE SHE FOUND OUT ABOUT THE TRUE NATURE OF THE KAIJU 😭😭 I love that she managed to maintain her optimism despite the awful situation she's been put in though. Still a joy to see pop up on the screen

Keitaro: HE REALLY IS A GOOD BOY... He's just trying his best and i love him for that. You'll save everyone you care about i promise [IMPERIALISM IS LYING TO U AND TAKATOSHI!! I SWEAR]

Takatoshi: Boys be fighting demons and demons is bisexuality. I enjoy him a Regular amount and i appreciate seeing his himboisms so much in the game. I never want to seem him That sad again [IMPERIALISM IS LYING TO U AND KEITARO!! I SWEAR]

Okino:

Yuki: MY PRINCE.... MY SHINING STUD‼️‼️ I love her a very normal ammount and seeing her slowly uncover the truth is nice to see. Definetily much smarter than she think she is.

Gouto: The fact that he is ong for real Ryoko's government assigned boyfriend is the funniest thing to come out of the game so far. He's still gated behind a huge completion milestone but so far i feel like he's trying to make sense of the situation the best he can. Unlike Tomi though, he's very scared of the circumstances of if he disobeys orders, i think.

Ryoko: She's been such a mood so far that i now think of her with her hands on her head when i stress about my uni deadlines. Im so sorry for Ida being anywhere near her life. She should get a wife to kiss and heal her. I give her full permission to kill anyone who breaks her heart. My snarky queen

Ei: HE ACTUALLY GREW ON ME I CANT BELIEVE IT. He really reminds me if the cool rivals with a soft spot you'd see in shonen anime and I cant be too mad at that. I enjoy how taciturn he can be too.

Nenji: HE'S ACTUALLY SUCH A SWEETHEART... knowing that he was childhood friends with Miwako really made me like him more (esp with how he treats her!) Loveable idiot.

Tomi: MY MUTUAL... OOMF IN ARMS... #GIRL IN LAW. Literally love how's she's written her personality is so so colorful. She has definitely said some out of pocket shit on twitter before and ill defend her with my life.

Miwako: I WILL WRITE YOU INTO RELEVANCY MYSELF‼️‼️There is so much oppurtunity to write her as one of the 15. LET THEM BE 16‼️‼️ HER "easy to develop crushes" SELF CAN BE MADE INTO SOMETHING MUCH BIGGER TO THE NARRATIVE RAUGHHH

Chihiro: I can see she's really trying her best to save everyone from the kaiju and seems to resort to any means neccesary to do so... i appreciate the effort despite the uh. [gestures] unethical treatment towards minors ig

Ida: EVERYTHING IS LITERALLY UR FAULT. I CANT BELIEVE IT. This would be half the disaster if you learnt how to sod it with ur selfish desires i swear.

Kyuta, Not-Tamao, 426, Izumi: I CLOCKED UR SHIT, SNEAKY BITCH. I dont trust a word you say. """"Means well"""" in the end i think but has way more messed up ways to go around it compared to Morimura

Miyuki: So far looking like the only person willing to help these kids in a way that would not give them severe trauma. Rooting for u girl.

[No thoughts on Tamao since i consider Erika as 426]

[wooahaes]

skz versions PLEASE

while im waiting for pasta sauce to thicken up a lil...

my immediate thought for 'older brothers best friend' is aussie bros being actual (adopted) aussie bros. reader is chris's best friend and felix is in love with them but has 0 idea how to talk abt it. where like... the seokmin-chan dynamic was "i'm worried abt how seokmin will respond :(", the chris-felix dynamic is "chris can never find out because he has so much dirt on me and i'll never live"

i like the idea that reader n chris meet in high school and just click together rly well lol and felix starts crushing on them after reader shows up to a swim meet a few years later while felix is a freshman. reader's cheering on chris and felix because they wanna be supportive and reader hugs felix afterward and he's like omg (flustered). he doesn't act on it for a while because he thinks the crush will go away, esp after reader goes abroad for school, and then they come back and felix's crush comes back in full force. all of his friends (the rest of the 00z + jeongin) know the lore by now and have been sworn to silence. there's just some sort of rekindling of things, both have matured a bit, and its kind of a "im getting to know you again and oops we're falling in love" while reader and felix scramble to keep their relationship hidden from chris (bc reader, like felix, also knows how much dirt chris has on them. neither part of this relationship will get to live with chris around)

i like to imagine that eventually it leads to a big fight because i live for the drama in fiction lol where chris finds out and he's hurt because two of the people he loves most have been hiding this from him and he feels horrible because why wouldnt they trust him??? reader calls things off with felix because they feel guilty for hurting him, felix is upset and feels guilty for hurting chris as well, and the three start to avoid one another fully after the fallout. it 100% takes the rest of their friends to trick them all into the same room and being like 'ok work this shit out because ur depressing us.' they work things out, probs w chris admitting he never wanted them to hide their relationship and he def didn't want them to break up as a result, he just wishes they had talked to him, etc. and they work things out and happy ever after :)

sorry u can tell i was thinking abt this while i was cooking sdkfhdsf

fake dating but the guy needs it instead of the reader... hmm..... god, who is the funniest option for fake dating.... my heart says seungmin if im honest because like. he feels like the type who's like "i would never get myself into that situation"

and then he turns around to reader and hes like "i need you to pretend to date me. don't ask questions." and reader (his friend and coworker) is like. uh. my guy, i kind of have to ask questions rn. and seungmin starts telling this long story about how he saw his ex out in public and they're dating someone new and they were kind of a shitty person when they dated and turns out they're still shitty bc they saw the chance to put seungmin down because ohh ur not dating anyone? of course ur not :) and hes like ACTUALLY I AM (pulls up picture of him and reader when they were hanging out) they're hotter than you :) and now he's invited to some party that he knows his ex will be at and he needs reader to go with him. readers like whats in it for me tho other than showing up ur bitchy ex. and seungmins like idk ill cover one of ur shifts.

thats not enough and he ends up promising to take u out for whatever food afterward and covering one of ur shifts as soon as u need it (barring him having any personal emergencies/being physically unable to cover it). reader is 100% the one who kisses seungmin's cheek while at the party...

and probably also the one who yanks seungmin in to make out with him in a bedroom when they hear seungmin's ex wandering around for him. they absolutely pull away and are fine right after its all over. the two probs keep up the fake dating for a while w the PDA becoming more and more common until seungmin just looks up one day and hes like

holy fuck. we're just like... actually dating now arent we.

they r idiots together <3 mwah mwah

[torilori223]

Hey does any body else get these horrible friend crushes on people that are so cool you have no possibility of ever being friends with them but you also wanna be them becuas THEIR STYLE IS SO COOL THEIR SO AGHH AND ORETTY AND LIKE ACTING AND SMART AND KIKE HASTUNE MIKU??? And an officer invthe drama club and yourl ike you are everything i need to be but i am not yet for i am a cacoon and if i could just become firneds with you i can absorb ur awesome nesss and be as nonchalantly chalant as you YOU RIZZLER

BUT YOUR A FRESHMAN ANS THEIR A SENIOR AND THERE IS NO WAY YOU CAN FIND AN EXscuse to TALK TO THEM ON SOME COMMON GROUND WITHOUT BIENG A WEIRDO SO YOU DIVISE A PLAN TO INFILCTRATE THEIR DRAMA DEPRATMANT IN THE SPRING MUSICAL AND BEFRIEND THEIR BEST FRIEND TO THEN BEFRIEND. THEM BUT CANR. FIGURE OUT HOW TO JOIN THE DEPRAMENT YET AND YOU ONLY HAVT. TOLL THE END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR TO BEFRIEND THEM OR ELSE AGHHHHHH

And ur so scared and overthinking things and need to be nicer to yourself AND FEEL BAD CUZ UR LOWKEY STALKING THIS PERSON AND THEIR IN YOUR DREAMMS???? WHAT so now you feel even worse cuz on top of your lack luster social skills u are letting your therapist down and being mean and not getting any where in you social goals

AND YOUVE FLALEN BEHIND ON YOUR SCI OLY AND YOUR LIFE WILL BE OVER CAUSE YOUR SO DUMB AND DONT KNOW HOW TO TELL YOURSELF YOUR SMART CAUSE ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE FUCKING GENUISES AND TO FEEL SMART YOU NEED A CONRETE MEASUR EOF INTELGICENCE AND THE ONLY ONE THAT IS READILY AVVIABKE TO YOU IS SCHOOL AND YOU CANT DO THAT GOOD

And lowkey are having a bit of a mental breakdown and slipping up on your school work which means you jever get into stanford all because you didnt get into honors english 9

Like how does everyone say im so smart and great but im just here like “guys if you were me you wouldnt think that” like you should see what hapoens in my brain when i wanna talk to cool peopel!

But thats just normal isnt it and ill never be special ill jsut be me

I wont be able to network, i wont be able to revolutionize pyschokogy and im gonna kms

HAHAHAH JUST KIDDING

AND YOU KEEP DEVOPLING CRUSSHES ON UR BEST FIRENDS AND I HAGE IT

Iand now u cant cuddle with them without being a HOMO

Why is there no tutorials for this i have tried lots of google compinations and wiki how lets me down everytime i nedd to fix myself and be better

I HATE BEING SELFQARE BUT LAZY THISI S THE WORST

I need to write all my feeligns down to communaicate them correctly and then fix them

WIL LSOCIAL GO AWAY wheen I AM COOL SENOIR??

IM dumby dumb dumb freshman who not cool

HOW HAVE A FALLEN FOR STEROYYOICAL HIGHSCHOOL TROPES

Eheloehleoeheloshelephelpehlepehelpehedpt

Does this happen to anyone else?

[ogprettyprincess]

I hope this isnt trauma dumping or sm but i just needed to get this out and also get some advice and i think i really like ur advice. So i have been jn a relationship w my bf for 2 years now and i love him with my heart and soul and we plan to get married ( ee are still young but we see that as the futuregoal) so up tntil a few months back i used to just go to random s*x chat groups and something and would share my nudes nd just stuff like that and would also watch p*rn .. these are both things that me and my bf would a 100% consider cheating and if he did this to me i would kill myself out of sorrow. I absolutely hate myself and am disgusted at myself i was distracted for a little while with my exams but now they are over and now im crying all the time again just thinking about what i did to the boy i love the most. At the time i didnt think much of it and at first i would just talk w people but slowly i started sharing nudes and i did this a couple of times until i realized a few months back how wrong it is. I have no idea how i didnt realise how wrong this is?Up until this i was a really good person i dont think ive ever hurt anybody and i am very nice also but now idk i just hate myself and everything about me .Every day whenever i think aboyt this i cant help but cry and think there really isnt anything else i can do. Of course i have changed and wouldnt think of doing such a thing again but still the fact that i did it in the first place makes me want to die.

Ik its so selfish but i cant keeo thinking that he will do sm like this to me also and that ill get my karma. Does karma really even exist and how do i get myself to atop thinking this now i always suspect him of cheating and talking to other girls. Hes done sm similar to cheating to me but nothing on this level. What he did is nothing ckmpared to what i did.

And in the context of manifesting, should i manifest that none of this ever happened and for me to be a really nice person or shoukd i manifest that this completely gets erased from my memory or what?? This also messes up my manifestion so much i cant helo hut tell myself that i dont deserve good things as im a bad person . Please help. If youre not comfortable answering this then im sorry for wasting ur time

it's up to you what you do. you can manifest it never happened or manifest that it never effects you. either way, just persist. you need to remember that you are the highest form of power, there is no one above you. if you believe in karma, then it exists. if you don't, then it doesn't.

i recommend using some self concept affirmations along with whatever you want to use, or just incorporate self concept in however you manifest. it'll help with reminding you that you create your reality, you decide what happens.

simplest way to manifest in my opinion is to pick your affirmations, persist in them and monitor your thoughts. if you find yourself thinking bad about yourself or thinking the opposite of your affirmation, correct it.

don't let the guilt consume you, i know you feel bad, but at the end of the day you can decide how to move on. :)

[pink-elefantz]

silly rant<3

hey so what is the cutoff between whats considered masking and whats considered lying i am asking this as a liar lol. like i find it interesting as fuck genuinely where is the line meant to be drawn. i do believe a lot of autistic people who mask and cant discern this line end up overcorrecting severely and developing what's called a personality disorder and like there are studies around this diagnosis massively being a thing that people get when theyve gone their whole lives unsupported for autism/adhd because sometimes the response to that is i need to do absolutely anything to be perceived as a human being and i dont know what it is about me thats so inhuman so ill just become an entirely different person for everyone i meet i guess. because u get to a point where u realise that social cues are not a static thing and that every allistic person actually has their own seperate set of rules for how to act and they all act like that is inherently the way ur meant to act but fucking somehow simultaneously all of them know how to abide by each others social rules even though theyre all different, and u go fucking insane and then come to the conclusion that the only way to be able to speak the same language as these people is to completely lose ur identity to whoever u are talking to in the moment. and then the more u hang out with anyone the more you lose of yourself and u do it so hard and for so long that you end up not being able to shut it off for people who genuinely dont care how u act and u cant actually tell when youre lying anymore and you dont even know if you lied about being sick in the first place and just made urself this way and when u try to get help for this all of the resources are like "this is an evil manipulative thing that evil people do" and its like. so first of all people who are traumatized into defaulting to manipulative behaviours are not evil people and they dont deserve to be demonized but also i never lied to make anyone do anything for me i lied to protect myself from being treated like a monster how could i ever possibly explain myelf how do u undo a damage like that without making someone come to the conclusion that u were using them. it is such an intricate process untangling all the little strands of lies with someone u know and is it even possible to do it fully without making the person feel like u were only friends with them to make them adore u or get them to give u things. like i swear to god no lie i have ever told anyone about myself was for any ulterior motive i dont even like being around people. i just didnt want to be a freak anymore. and then being a freak was cool so i was a freak but not a REAL FREAK i still was just some other person my entire fucking life has just been observing peoples interactions and going oh that got a positive reaction ill try that. and then i try it and its like oh no one liked that. what were the variables. i need to know the variables but i can never repeat this experiment again because i cant actually deal with getting another negative reaction my heart cant take it when they look at me like that when they realise im a fake person just pretending to be human why did it work with that other person and not me what the fuck did i do wrong. and u cant exactly go and tell this to ur therapist who smokes freuds cock for breakfast because u will just get "liar" put on ur file and lose even more of ur autonomy and make it even less likely for people to believe u when u report psychiatric abuse. anyway peace and love on planet earht the camera zooms out to a blue sky and polka dot house and i am waving at u from below with my dog goodbye!!!!!!!!!!!!bye!!!!

[chilapis]

hi i’m in love with genshin lapis can u tell me her lore can u tell me everything can i know i wanna know im so curious im sitting here w my notes eagerly awaiting ur response ✍️ i love u btw

hi, hello ! i love you too . also i read your tags & i think they absolutely can be friends. two of them (they’re going to beat people to death together)

do be warned that there is heavy projection because yeah ajax is like. with me-with me (real) (mentally ill) but also if i’m making a s/i to ship with him as well … tragically she will be suffering from the same deeply rooted character flaws as myself.

genshin lapis is . quite literally just a retired, immortal warlord who just wants a simple, domestic now.

beautiful woman who used to consider international peace a mere (unhelpful) suggestion is now trying to help people finalise their divorces and drafting contracts for business. she isn’t particularly affiliated with any region mostly because she isn’t, open about who she really is? so she’ll spend centuries in a nation, and then move to another every 60-70 years or so til she completes the rotation and then start all over; new name, new identity, new past, but the same face and the same profession. she loves liyue with all her heart but tends to stay there the least because one in every three people there are more than at-least 150 years old and she has gotten that “wait, don’t i fucking know you” look from a little too many people for her liking. she also avoids old people like the plague for this same reason because she doesn’t want to see the gears click in someone’s 90 year old grandma’s head.

except the thing is that she doesn’t need to be open because she makes it so painfully obvious. you know how most non-mortal or long-waiting characters in genshin will just shut up and entertain their mortal company’s false assumptions and beliefs? not her ! her pride is far too big for that. if you’re wrong she’ll tell you that you’re wrong and she knows because she was there (the realisation of what she said will hit her in exactly 10 minutes once her tangent is over. everyone who knows her falls into either one of two categories: either they think she is insane, or they think she is immortal. Both are correct.

i feel like despite being in the legal field she does not particularly. care about justice or law; in the sense that she doesn’t quite, believe in it existing anymore? she helps people out, don’t get me wrong; she’ll even do it pro-bono, free of charge, but her acts of kindness feel more like tossing a slab of meat to a caged animal than actually doing something nice, if that makes sense. there’s this, looming feeling of detachment from everyone and everything that she cannot shake off & she knows it’s because immortality has deeply affected her ability to relate to others or form connections but she’s helpless in the sense that she she doesn’t even know what a life beyond this would be like, and she’s not sure if she wants to. societies are moral-run now; there’s more rules, there are new concepts.

& then she meets ajax & ends up forming not only just an emotional attachment but one that is so intense and overwhelming that she doesn’t . know what the hell to do about it. she is freaking out because this is probably the first time she’s ever felt this way & he’s there & he’s talking to her & she doesn’t know what it is but she’s staring at him with such wide eyes. also gets super protective of him, even after finding out that he is literally the 11th harbinger. the relationship is what would get her back to her old spirits of um . killing and battling and conquering. except in the past she did it for the sake of it. she did it for the act itself. but now it’s for him — now she does it because she knows he wants power and honestly, she does too! she may have repressed it for a bit but she also wants to be on top of the food chain! just like how she used to before! & now they can do it together!

except there’s . one teeny tiny issue. she isn’t fond of the fatui; she didn’t mind before and even took on a few cases for some of them but after knowing ajax & loving ajax she will start kicking and screaming and unsheathing her sword the moment the tsaritsa is mentioned. she actually doesn’t even mind the harbingers all too much (except pulcinella) (she has beaten him up and will do so again DO NOT let this woman near a retirement house she is not afraid to fight senile white men) but the tsaritsa just . makes her blood boil for some reason. I think a part of her (her ego) might even lead her to wanting to play god herself but um. we’ll see about that

she LOVES a good spar though. chilapis love language (we fall deeper in love every time one of us backs the other into a corner). I feel like the first time she saw foul legacy, childe was expecting her to be afraid or nervous, and he thought she was because she kept looking away but no she was just un. Deeply flustered and appreciative of his form. after she finds out what a toll it takes on him though she refuses to ever let him use it when they're playfighting. ALSO SHE LOVES HIS FAMILY? she never had one herself so domestic comfort is such a new concept for her and it makes her so giddy. i feel like after meeting ajax she just tags along with him on his missions. her job? her affiliations? her home? who cares, she finally found what’s truly hers. she won't ever bring it up herself but if he told her to permanently move to shneznaya i think she would. in a heartbest. i feel like she’d be the first to bring up marriage though. childe may want to simply date at first, see how things pan out, but she’d be like dating …..? What is this “dating” you speak of ….. She is actually fully aware of modern concepts 60% of the time but she likes to play dumb. especially when he’s around.

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

Miss 9shihtzu, do you have any advice on grieving when you lose someone? Not specifically as in dying but as in severing the ties that maintained your relationship and cutting contact completely off, I find myself missing people who have hurt me that I know I couldn't go back too because I'd end up hurting more and I miss people who I've hurt that I know I missed my chance of fixing things and it feels like I'm growing two hearts and dying

i kno wat u mean, sometimes it is almost harder to grieve for someone who's still alive cus part of u feels like a resolution just has to be possible. hmm i dont kno if im the best person to ask this because ill admit, i have a very pronounced defence mechanism of being the coldest person alive when someone has hurt me...from the stresses happening in my household growing up, my response was always: shut down & go inwards. its not a great coping mechanism or anything & i cant rly control it yet but.. i am very accepting of loss. if someone dont want me around anymore, i have no issue seeing myself out lol. altho it does hurt me deep in my heart & ill prob dwell on it for a few months until life moves on. TIME heals!! patience & time to just let urself feel the pain...u will b surprise how fast things can change, someone new cld enter ur life out of nowhere & you'll just stop caring about the ppl of the past, it happens more often than u think. my othr advice, turn ur grief into art/poetry/music, sounds cliche but for me it helps a lot. plus can help other ppl process their own pain. also u can write a letter to this person that u dont plan on sending. getting out all ur feelings as if ur saying it to them but they dont gotta know. try to forgive ppl especially when its hard...its the only way to truly free urself. ilu Anon i hope this can help in some way, sincerely, pinkmoonlonelystoner9detachmentissues <3

[lion-buddy]

I must ask: what's your favorite Precure series (or Precure character), and why?

ah! you see the thing is, I’ve only ever finished star twinkle hehe. but i have seen a few episodes of tropical rouge and the 2020 miracle leap movie too! im also planning to watch the new all stars F movie when i can!! [hopefully soon ahh]. So yeah I don’t have much to say about any other season

but!! I have a lot to say abt star twinkle! like a lot. I watched star twinkle because I saw Yuni's wiki page, got interested, and proceeded to stay up till 4am watching it all. So yeah! I really enjoyed it, I don’t even know where to start

yuni is my favorite character if it wasnt obvious lol, she is literally like. the perfect character from personality to design. shes an antagonist aligned shapeshifting phantom thief catgirl with a blue/yellow/rainbow color scheme who struggles with self perception and relationships in general and gets found-familied by the narrative [whether she likes it or not]. [[this sentence is meant to all be said in one continuous breath]] TLDR she could not be any more perfect, she scores a 10/10 for character of all time. i could say a lot abt yuni!! but ill hold myself back for now since i feel that could be a whole essay of its own. hikaru is also a character that's growing on me a lot. im not sure how to put it into words, but! shes really really interesting to me, which surprised me since i dont typically lean towards her character type. maybe i can find the words to talk abt her one day, bc i see way too much slander directed at her, she does not deserve all that

ok but star twinkle itself! i adore its themes of friendship, forgiveness, and learning what it means to grow up and grow apart. typical for a show of its demographic. what really got me was how it expanded on all of that, it introduced the concept of figuring out your place in the world, and learning how to continue living happily even if the people you care about most aren't here with you. it kinda hit really close to home for me. its so obvious how much the whole cast cares for each other, and i could see them building up to a finale where they would all have to say goodbye to each other forever. i wasnt sure if theyd actually commit all the way but!! they sure did!!!! watching them get separated at the end like that really hurt!!! like a lot!!!!!! im such a baby when it comes to cast separations but. man. star twinkle did it really well.

also also its ost is really really good??! this is aside from the intro and outro themes, im focusing on the instrumental backing tracks that play throughout the episodes. i was surprised to find them on youtube, and found myself blown away by how emotional they were. its got such a strong central motif that plays throughout the tracks, and obliterates you at the end when it shows back up to deliver an extremely emotional farewell song. i have cried several time listening to it, i dont think any ost has ever done that to me [aside from a few select songs from various medias. and undertale lol]. but yeah. listen to the star twinkle ost if you havent it will make you feel things.

i could also add that the movie kills me every time. watch the star twinkle movie if ur at all interested in anything ive said. its a good starting point if u want to see some action and get the vibe of the characters

on the topic of movies, final little note! im really interested in the new all stars F movie and prim, or cure supreme. literally know nothing about them but!! im staring so hard, they look exactly like my type of character. also the songs that have released are really really good ahhh scratching at the walls i hope it releases somewhere soon so i can see them in action. hopefully itll get me interested in checking out other seasons as well :]

[nahalism]

did you ever need to take sth like antidepressants for anxiety or panick attacks? I recall you speakin about having dealth with them in the past & been wonderin if you ever tried medicating urself for it / would consider it if your nerves were getting too much 4 u at some point down the line or did you develop ur own way around those little&big pits of hell

xX

heyyyyy <3 (this will b long but this question deserves a thorough answer so hope thats ok)

ive been strongly encouraged to take various medications over the years, particularly for anxiety/mood stabilisation, and twoish weeks ago i ended up in hospital cause literally i lost my mind, and i felt so out of it that thats the first time i ever considered not just wanting, but needing medication in order to function. however, i didnt, cause i dont like making decisions in the moment (desperation leads to desperate decisions) and because before that experience and even during it, ive never felt convinced that medication was the solution to the problems i was facing. 1) due to the physical, mental and emotional side effects. & 2) because im not convinced the people prescribing the meds even know what is 'wrong' with me.— a lot of that has to do with the nhs being a mess, (its quicker to get meds than wait thru the referral time to get diagnosed & into therapy) but also, theres a lot of comorbidity in the diagnosis ive been given, so there are multiple things to treat & in their eye's medication gives a faster result than unpacking all of that individually. the recommendation was to put me on a cocktail of drugs that can fuck up my liver kidneys and endocrine system to 'see if it will work' .. :/.

the only thing that has ever worked for me is sitting with myself and my emotions, acknowledging them, doing things at my pace in my time, and structuring my life in a way that is tailored for me and my success rather than being successful in the world or in a socially accepted way. that means having a morning routine that caters to my mental emotional and physical health, (mindful practices, yoga, gardening, sound work etcetc), and finding ways to continue that throughout the day (working creatively and limiting my exposure to people or situations that are not for me/overstimulate me).

that being said, this routine (which is still being refined and altered) works pretty well for me, but comes with sacrifices and isnt fool proof. symptoms of my mental illness still persist & without being medicated people are less lenient when helping someone they feel isnt 'helping themselves', im also still working on how to be as sociable as id like to be, and often my spirals are triggered by the very system i have in place to help me. i often face feeling like a let down, like im lazy, like im a weirdo/recluse, like im incapable of being a normal person etc etc. for example, a lot of the friends i graduated with have experienced crazy growth in their careers and have a sense of social and financial security that i dont have because they can function year round, whereas i have months at a time where i dont feel myself and have to disappear in order to keep sanity and peace in my being, lol. that, and the fact that it takes me a lot of base maintenance and effort to function as a normal person makes me feel like shit if i let it, so i constantly have to remind myself on top of the work i do daily, that whilst there are things others have/experience, that i dont, the inverse is also true, and theres beauty to me being me in my way. and .. yeah 🤷🏽‍♀️. that part is hard. but its also worth it to me and has taught me a lot

all that being said, do your own research and decide what feels right and what is best for YOU. speak to your doctors, therapists, and friends who may be medicated, or look on forums online for perspectives from both sides. [*if anyone reading this has a helpful opinion 2 offer pls comment]. the feeling of helplessness when your in the throws of whatever mental illness you suffer from can be debilitating and if taking a pill everyday or when you need it can fix that, no ones opinion should sway you from doing what you need to do to function. some of my friends who are medicated swear by medication!! (particularly when it comes to adhd meds) cause not being able to process thoughts and function is horrible and ruins lives needlessly.

so yh.. i hope this helps. as long as you do whats best for you, i have no doubt you will find your way through this and that it will be worth it. above all, know that the power of your will, your mind, and your person, is what makes you special, and so even if it takes more for you to show up than it does others, that's absolutely fine. take your time with it, and know what nothing is wasted, because you have no idea the good that can come from working out the details. most of the advice i have to offer comes from making it thru an existential crisis or bout of depression. <3

blessings 2 u love

[tojisun]

sun sun! can u give me some advice? IF NOT U CAN DISCARD THIS IGNORE IT AND ILL UNDERSTAND!!!

how do u meet people and talk to ppl and go on a date or something w them? i sound like im an alien but im literally too socially anxious (im sociable and get along well w ppl, but struggle heavily with approaching), self-conscious, n inexperienced to know what to do. i wanna make new friends and potentially date someone :<

(also did u get my last message in response to ur reply? or did tumblr eat it like a poopyhead?)

my love omg i have no game whatsoever so i cant *really* help u. my confidence is the size of an apple which is already a lot for me tbh bc it has to contend with my anxiety so my days are a cesspool of “i can do this… but what if i cant” energy LMFAO 🥲

AND IM LITERALLY LIKE THAT TOO OMG like im sociable bc i get adopted by extroverts but i cant approach on my own. and if i do, i find myself having so little i can even talk about past the surface level questions :((

to add, my prev partners were all my friends so i never really had the experience of asking out people and then going on dates to see if we’re gonna work out 😭

although i started mimicking my extroverted friends! theyre not extrovert in the archetype way wherein theyre bubbly or just so energetic? but theyre so proactive in making the conversation going and cementing a bond!

since i think you and i are alike (wherein our issue lies on the approaching part), id let u know what i do instead of what they do!

i started pretending to have confidence in what i say. for example in school? my current school friend and i started hanging out bc i went up to them and went “hey, just wondering if u read the readings yet?” (and then we snowballed there teehee they did actually read it so thats cool as we were able to have a discussion about the topic but even when they didnt, i just end up steering the conversation to something ik we both know—the lecture! it was what started our friendship, but we also began to talk about other things until we were sharing our interests with each other!)

work? same thing! i start with work related topics (i work at a firm so it usually is always our clients hehehe) and then i’d invite them for coffee or lunch! im blessed to have coworkers close to my age which makes it a lot easier to poke on interests. i asked her if she’s seen this video on tiktok (it was something about that love surge couple i think) and she did so we were also able to expand our conversation out of work!

the highlight is that i bullshitted my confidence until it eventually started feeling normal :’)

im sorry that this isnt a sound advice :((

of course its still so important to stay true to yourself and im not telling u to be fake and to not be urself! but faking confidence i think is different bc, for me, its grappling with the hurdle (my anxiety) and training myself until im eventually used to it! im still not 100% the one taking the first step but when i do, im glad that i did :’)

(now for relationships… yea that i got nothing 😭 im so sorry)

but um yea! im sorry for the rambling. it just made me realize how much more work i need to put into myself too!

take care my love and i wish you the best and kindest and loveliest ever!!!

-

(i just checked and i received ur other ask!! im sorry, im kinda swamped rn so my responses have been going down the drain dhejjd but i’ll reply to it too! thank u sm for ur kindness and love <333)

[onestormeynight]

Rosie Writes A Book

On Saturdays, Penny has to work so Rosie gets the house to herself. She spends an hour or two drinking coffee and reading vintage news articles before opening up her current book project: Sandwiches and Other Mishaps. She doesn't get far before she gets a text from Billie.

<<grrrrlll wut r u doin?>> <<I'm writing, what's up?>> <OMW over. ill help.>> <<Help?>> <call me calliope cause im ur muse 2day.>>

Rosie relays some of the news articles she read that morning to Billie, who is stunned to find out why men used to not live as long as their wives.

"In the freaken black eyed peas!?" Billie gasps.

"The peas, Billie!"

"Well, goodbye, Earl."

"You should hear about the sandwiches!"

"No, girl, I literally cannot. I don't know if I can ever eat food I didn't make myself again."

"They're such good stories, though! That's why I'm writing them into the book."

"Aight. Bet. Let's write a book."

The girls laid out a rough outline for the novellla. Billie was right, she was a great muse for Rosie. She made a great sounding board and thought of things Rosie hadn't. After a few hours, the girls decided they needed a break.

"Let's go outside," Rosie said.

"It's raining? It's raining," Billie said.

"I know, that's what makes it fun!"

Billie had to pull out her umbrella. Rosie made a face at her friend.

"It's just a little water," Rosie whined. "Live a little, Billie."

Billie shook her head. "Naw, my hairstylist will end me. I'm not wetting my hair because you want to act feral, get out of here."

Billie headed out shortly after their prancing in the rain. A few hours later, Rosie had her first novella finished.

That was that. It was out in the world now, for better or worse.

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Ending Credits: