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fitzrove · 9 months ago

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Rant vaguely related to my previous rudolf post & academic history (delete later) (WAY too specific)

The way people talk about historical research fields and topics sometimes (online and irl) is honestly Really Stupid aihoådögltslhlgl. In designating "old white men history" (= political, military, macroeconomic...) and white men historical figures obsolete and unworthy of any further study, people are robbing themselves and others around them of greater understanding of phenomena that have real and ongoing consequences/effects upon the present day.

I told a former classmate I was studying abroad for a more varied perspective (instead of the boxed-in provincial narrative you get from just using sources, lit and theories from your home country) and that my new thesis was going to be about a ww2 topic. She made a disgusted face, glibly going "Ah, as if that hasn't been researched enough!". She wouldn't hear me out when I said that my topic actually has real life implications for politics, memory culture and international relations today lol.

To some people, just because a field has been researched a lot (and often with outdated methods, by white men in the 1950s etc), it becomes worthless and you should rather look at unexplored territory: people "forgotten by history", marginalised groups, new approaches, big emphasis on the social, cultural, personal, individual. But for a few reasons, claiming that studying "old white man history" in the 2020s is "useless" is very flawed lol. Because:

In a lot of cases, The Book on something (be it a specific aspect of a topic, an individual person, or just a topic as a whole like WW2 for instance) will have been written in the 1950s, 1960s, 1970s... Research methods have evolved a LOT since then, and the demands on researchers to reflect on their biases are a lot stronger now. Historical research doesn't exist in a vacuum and is never completely objective - it's a self-correcting field, though, and new studies aspire to build on and improve upon previous ones. You wouldn't trust medical research from 50+ years ago to be the best possible knowledge on a given topic to be trusted forever and never re-examined, would you?? Why would you a history book, then?

Old white men are the ones who had power for vast lengths of time in history. In many countries old white men are still the ones in power. Political and military history, as well as macroeconomic history, are (in summary) about the study of power. You can't gain knowledge of how "the enemy" (or: those holding the power in society) operates only by studying the way their "victims" experienced their influence. You need to look into the people in power themselves. And someone needs to do this now, with modern research methods, so we have the best possible knowledge of the subject! Additionally, modern old white men often stan historical old white men and might make rhetorical references to them in speeches etc... It's important to know how they conceptualise the world and its history, because so far they're not going anywhere...

People are so dumb akgösphkpd like they will hear "political/military history" and not even know how much the fields have changed and evolved in the last 30 years 😭😭😭 Its based on this stock stereotype of what those fields are, when in reality the sharpest criticism of previous approaches comes from within the field - which seeks to self-correct. Again, you wouldn't assume that physics ended with Einstein...... why assume that historians can never improve their methods or reach new conclusions based on already-studied sources??

Putting pressure on women specifically to only study social/cultural/microhistory, and insinuating that they're betraying their gender if they don't, is just straight up sexist lmao. You don't expect this of Matt age 21 who loves tanks and literally just wants to study idk tank formations, why do you expect it of me?? Ditto for queer people and any other marginalised group you could think of.

As for Rudolf specifically? Yes he sneaked in again fkflld. It's worth it to point out his problematic relationships with women, yes, and SPECIFICALLY the historical agency and existence of those women outside of him lol. (Which is still a bit lacking.) But it's not smart or feminist or even morally right to avoid looking at where the Mayerling obsession as a whole comes from. The fact is:

1. Rudolf had very specific unpopular political opinions, and suffered from mental illness (a kind of disease poorly understood at the time but also still decades after the fact and even today)

2. These two factors led society to perceive him in a certain way, and influenced the way newspapers wrote about him after his death. Conservatives put huge emphasis on his womanizing ways - as part of his general depraved evilness, incl irreligiosity, liberal politics and lack of respect for traditional values - to influence their audience to believe that violence and insanity are what social liberalism leads to. They also used the events of Mayerling to say that the scandal is the only thing that ever mattered or ever will matter about Rudolf, that it tainted his person to such a degree that considering anything else is moot. This is the starting point for the most common Mayerling narrative that has literally barely changed for 135 years... it still crops up in media today!!

So um yeah anyway,,,, I guess I'm sorry for being specifically interested in war as a culmination of international political crisis & historical eras seen as formative to current political culture & 19th/20th century opposition to and manifestations of political nationalism & the way in which seemingly apolitical things are actually used to shape public discourse... instead of idk queer history or women's history or historical dress or microeconomic family history 😭😭 I just think there's enough people studying those latter ones and doing a much better job of it than I could - because they're genuinely passionate about them and hence have the right skills to actually study them well. I still believe that the way I'm studying and talking about the stuff I'm interested in has a lot of value, even if it's not contributing to Good Representation or aligned with my modern political views in any obvious sense. (Well, a constantly recurring theme is my distaste for overt forms or nationalism/(proto)fascism lol but we don't need to tell people that 😌 esp not the current Finnish government)

Also rudolf was irl bisexual did you even read eine orientreise (JOKING)

#history #jfc this is long akksldldld #delete later

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hjellacott · 2 years ago

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Happy birthday Jo! (And Harry!)

Today my role-model turns 58, and The Boy Who Lived, 43.

You don't always get lucky that the people you love for subjective reasons become even better for objective reasons, but we did. I admire other authors, characters, actors, but sometimes they do things I frown upon, things I can't defend, and yet, it isn't the case with Jo. With her, I can breathe in peace knowing what she does will always be for the benefit of those who need a hero the most.

Harry was a hero for any of us who have known terrible loss, and taught us to make the best out of shit situations, to look at the bright side of things — consider your friends, choose your own family, fight for things you believe in — and to be brave and persistent, to stay true to yourself, to be selfless and kind, to be heroes of our own stories. To me, he's one of the most humane and extraordinary characters I've known, with tremendous depth, someone that is heroic not because he wants to be, not out of a deep desire of protagonism or power, or because he likes the limelight, but because he makes the best our of every difficult choice, and he tries to do the right thing. He's so deeply flawed, but always within logic (i.e. when he isolates himself from his friends because for 11 years he never had any and it's still hard to know what to do with them), and then he raises above his challenges, even the self-imposed ones.

In the Harry Potter books I found solace through a sometimes miserable childhood, again through more and more loss, and again in times of Covid. I found advice, I found the friendly words I needed, I found courage and inspiration, I found good old friends — and realised Hogwarts would, indeed, always be there when I needed it, even twenty plus years on.

Harry's story almost seems to mirror Joanne Rowling's. She knew incredible adversity and overcame it, and like Harry, she found true love, she made a family of her own, she found a place she could call home and true friends to stand beside her. And after all the success she's known, she's always giving back to us. This is a summary of some of her charitable work:

About 16% of her wealth in 2011 went to organisations fighting worldwide poverty, something that she's continued doing year after year.

Various work with Amnesty International.

The Ickabog royalties went to supporting charities that supported vulnerable groups affected by the Covid-19 pandemic.

J.K. Rowling is Founder and President of Lumos, an international children’s charity fighting for every child’s right to a family by transforming care systems around the world. Lumos sheds light on the root causes of family separation and demonstrates that children can safely be united with loving families that help them thrive.

The Anne Rowling Clinic was founded by a donation from J.K. Rowling in 2010 in memory of her mother Anne. The Clinic delivers clinical care and research to improve the lives of people with degenerative conditions affecting the brain, as well as hosting specialist NHS clinics for these conditions. Jo continues to fund MS research exclusively through the Anne Rowling Clinic.

J.K. Rowling's charitable trust, Volant, which she set up in 2000 to administer grants to charities, to alleviate social deprivation particularly affecting women and children.

She's also created Beira's Place, a service for victims of sexual violence, focused on women (including trans men with female sexual organs).

Additionally, substantial donations to charity in the form of book royalties. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them and Quidditch Through the Ages are sold in aid of Comic Relief and Lumos, and The Tales of Beedle the Bard is sold in aid of Lumos. Royalties from The Ickabog go to Volant, to help support vulnerable groups who’ve been particularly impacted by the Covid-19 pandemic, in the UK and internationally.

And then J.K. Rowling is a decorated social warrior, standing up for children, for homeless, for people who've suffered major disaster in life, and for women, doing anything and everything for us even when she meets opposition. She never gives up.

Thank you, Jo. You're my hero. Thank you for your hard work, and for the stories that will keep your memory and your activism alive, long after you're gone. Thank you for making my days so much brighter. Wishing you and Harry a wholesome day of much-deserved joy and laughter. HAPPY BIRTHDAE!!!

#j.k. rowling #j. k. rowling #joanne rowling #jo rowling #harry potter #feminism #Queen Rowling

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bookeysnewsletter · 2 months ago

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Moonwalking with Einstein: A Journey into Memory Mastery

Chapter 1 What's Moonwalking with Einstein by Joshua Foer

"Moonwalking with Einstein: The Art and Science of Remembering Everything" by Joshua Foer is a fascinating exploration of memory, blending personal narrative with insights into memory techniques and cognitive science. The book follows Foer's journey from a novice in memory sports to competing in the U.S. Memory Championship. Through this journey, he delves into the history of memory, the techniques used by memory champions—like the method of loci and mnemonic devices—and the psychology of memory itself. Foer emphasizes that memory can be trained and improved, offering both practical advice and a deeper understanding of the human mind's potential. The narrative combines memoir, science, and humor, making it an engaging read for anyone interested in harnessing the power of their memory.

Chapter 2 Moonwalking with Einstein by Joshua Foer Summary

"Moonwalking with Einstein: The Art and Science of Remembering Everything" by Joshua Foer explores the fascinating world of memory and the techniques used to enhance it. The book combines Foer's personal journey into the realm of memory championships with historical insights about memory techniques.

Foer begins by recounting his initial struggles with memory and how he stumbled upon competitive memorization. He learns from memory champions and delves into ancient memory techniques, particularly the method of loci, or the "memory palace" technique, which involves visualizing a familiar place and associating it with the information one wants to remember.

As Foer trains rigorously and becomes more adept at memory techniques, he reflects on broader themes related to memory, identity, and the importance of remembering in human life. The narrative interweaves scientific research on how memory works, the implications of modern technology on our memory, and the cultural importance of memory throughout history.

Ultimately, "Moonwalking with Einstein" is not just a guide to improving memory but also a meditation on what it means to remember in a world increasingly reliant on external sources of information. Foer’s journey culminates in his participation in the USA Memory Championship, where he tests the skills he has honed and seeks to understand the intersection of memory, identity, and the human experience.

Chapter 3 Moonwalking with Einstein Author

Joshua Foer is an American author and journalist best known for his book "Moonwalking with Einstein: The Art and Science of Remembering Everything," which was published in 2011. The book chronicles his journey from being an average memory enthusiast to winning the USA Memory Championship. It blends a personal narrative with insights into the science of memory and techniques for improving one's memory.

In addition to "Moonwalking with Einstein," Foer has written several other works, including:

1. "Atlas Obscura: An Explorer's Guide to the World's Hidden Wonders" (co-authored with Dylan Thuras and Ella Morton, 2016) - This book serves as a companion to the popular website, exploring quirky and unusual places around the globe.

2. "The Art of Learning: An Inner Journey to Optimal Performance" (2017) - This book delves into the process of learning and mastery in various fields, encapsulating lessons from his experiences and insights from experts.

3. "The Memory Book: The Classic Guide to Improving Your Memory at Work, at School, and at Home" (2015) - This book focuses on practical memory techniques that can be applied in everyday life.

As for the "best" of his works, it largely depends on the reader's interests. "Moonwalking with Einstein" has received widespread acclaim and remains his most popular and influential work, particularly for those interested in memory and cognitive science. Additionally, while different editions have been released, the original hardcover and subsequent paperback editions retain high value among readers. The book's engaging narrative style and the depth of its research often make it the recommended starting point for those new to Foer's writings.

Chapter 4 Moonwalking with Einstein Meaning & Theme

Moonwalking with Einstein Meaning

"Moonwalking with Einstein: The Art and Science of Remembering Everything" by Joshua Foer is a blend of memoir, cognitive science, and exploration of memory techniques. The book chronicles Foer's journey from being an ordinary person with a typical memory to becoming the U.S. Memory Champion.

The main themes and meanings of the book include:

1. The Nature of Memory: Foer delves into the science of memory, explaining how memories are formed, stored, and retrieved. He highlights the difference between everyday memory and the extraordinary memory feats achieved by "mental athletes."

2. Memory Techniques: Throughout the book, Foer explores various mnemonic techniques, such as the method of loci (or memory palaces), which can significantly enhance one's ability to remember information. He provides insights into how these techniques can be applied in everyday life.

3. Human Potential: Foer's journey illustrates the idea that with practice, training, and dedication, people can develop skills that may seem innate or unattainable. This theme resonates with the broader idea of self-improvement and the pursuit of excellence.

4. Cultural and Historical Perspectives on Memory: The book discusses the importance of memory in different cultures and historical contexts, examining how various societies have valued and practiced memory.

5. Reflection on Everyday Life: Ultimately, Foer reflects on the importance of memory in shaping identity, relationships, and experiences. He contemplates how modern technology, with its shortcuts and reliance on digital memory aids, affects our ability to remember.

Overall, "Moonwalking with Einstein" serves as both an informative guide to memory improvement and a philosophical meditation on the significance of memory in human life. It encourages readers to value their own memories and consider how they can be enhanced through practice and technique.

Moonwalking with Einstein Theme

"Moonwalking with Einstein" by Joshua Foer explores several themes, prominently including the following:

1. Memory and Human Potential: The book delves into the idea of memory as a vital component of our identity and cognitive function. Foer's journey illustrates that memory can be improved through techniques and practice, suggesting that human potential is far greater than commonly perceived.

2. The Art and Science of Memory: Foer discusses classical memory techniques, such as the method of loci and the use of mnemonic devices, which have been utilized since ancient times. This theme highlights the intersection between art (the creativity involved in memory techniques) and science (the cognitive processes underlying memory).

3. The Nature of Knowledge: The narrative invites readers to consider what knowledge truly means in the context of memory. Foer contrasts rote memorization with a deeper understanding of information, suggesting that the way we remember is just as important as what we remember.

4. Cognitive Bias and Limitations: The book also touches on the quirks of human cognition and the biases that affect how we remember and perceive the world. It raises questions about the reliability of memory and how it shapes our experiences and identities.

5. Competition and Achievement: Foer’s journey culminates in his participation in the U.S. Memory Championship, reflecting on themes of excellence and the drive to achieve. It explores the role of competition in pushing individuals to surpass their limits and discover hidden potential.

6. Self-discovery and Personal Growth: As Foer embarks on this challenge, he undergoes significant personal transformation, suggesting that the journey of mastering memory is also a journey of self-discovery and growth.

Overall, "Moonwalking with Einstein" presents a rich exploration of memory that intertwines personal narrative with broader philosophical questions about cognition, learning, and the nature of achievement.

Chapter 5 Quotes of Moonwalking with Einstein

Moonwalking with Einstein quotes as follows:

Here are ten thought-provoking quotes from "Moonwalking with Einstein" by Joshua Foer:

1. "Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose."

2. "The mind is a powerful thing. It can take you places you never imagined."

3. "If you want to improve your memory, you have to treat it like a muscle."

4. "People can’t remember things that don’t mean anything to them."

5. "The act of remembering is an act of creation."

6. "The difference between a good memory and a bad memory is often the difference between knowing what to remember and what to forget."

7. "The world is a vast warehouse of information; we just need to know how to navigate it."

8. "Memory techniques aren’t just about memorizing; they’re about understanding the world from a different perspective."

9. "Our memories are not a record of the past but rather a construction of the present."

10. "The best memories are not those that are easily forgotten."

These quotes capture the essence of Foer's exploration of memory, learning, and cognition.

Chapter 6 Similar Books Like Moonwalking with Einstein

Certainly! Here’s a selection of five engaging books that delve into the themes of memory, cognition, and the human mind, similar to "Moonwalking with Einstein":

1. "The Mind's Eye" by Oliver Sacks

In this captivating exploration of visual perception and memory, acclaimed neurologist Oliver Sacks shares the stories of patients who experience unique conditions affecting their sight and understanding of the world. Through case studies, Sacks raises poignant questions about the nature of perception and how our experiences shape our identity.

2. "How We Learn: The Surprising Truth About When, Where, and Why It Happens" by Benedict Carey

Benedict Carey dives into the science of learning, challenging conventional wisdom about study habits and memory retention. With engaging anecdotes and cutting-edge research, he reveals how techniques like spaced repetition and the power of distraction can enhance our ability to absorb and retain information.

3. "Brain Rules: 12 Principles for Surviving and Thriving at Work, Home, and School" by John Medina

John Medina, a developmental molecular biologist, distills complex brain science into twelve key principles that illustrate how our brains function. Packed with insightful research and practical advice, this book explains how we can apply these rules to improve learning, productivity, and overall well-being.

4. "The Memory Book: The Classic Guide to Improving Your Memory at Work, at School, and at Home" by Harry Lorayne and Jerry Lucas

This classic guide offers practical techniques and mnemonic devices to boost memory. Harry Lorayne and Jerry Lucas provide easy-to-follow strategies and exercises that can help anyone enhance their recall ability, making it an excellent companion for readers interested in memory enhancement.

5. "The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science" by Norman Doidge

Norman Doidge explores the concept of neuroplasticity—the brain's ability to change and adapt throughout life. He shares inspiring stories of individuals who have overcome neurological challenges, emphasizing the brain's remarkable capacity for growth and healing. This enlightening book showcases the transformative power of our minds.

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Each of these books will provide you with insights into how memory and cognition work, alongside practical strategies for improvement, similar to the themes found in "Moonwalking with Einstein." Enjoy your reading journey!

Book https://www.bookey.app/book/moonwalking-with-einstein

Author https://www.bookey.app/book/moonwalking-with-einstein#Author

Quotes https://www.bookey.app/book/moonwalking-with-einstein/quote

The Brain That Changes Itself https://www.bookey.app/book/the-brain-that-changes-itself

Youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqeOKMGpu3I

Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Moonwalking-Einstein-Science-Remembering-Everything/dp/0143120530

Goodreads https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6346975-moonwalking-with-einstein

#Psychology #Know Yourself

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otiskeene · 4 months ago

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The What, Why And How Of Elastic Cloud Computing

Picture a backpack that magically morphs to fit what you need. On Monday, it could be small enough for your laptop and charger, while by Wednesday, it expands to carry books and snacks. This flexibility is similar to what businesses need from their cloud computing solutions. That’s where Elastic Cloud Computing comes into play—it’s like that magical backpack for your cloud infrastructure. If your app has a few features and a small user base, the cloud scales down. But if it suddenly becomes a hit, the cloud can expand on its own to manage the increased traffic, maintaining performance and responsiveness.

Just as your magical backpack adjusts to your needs, Elastic Cloud Computing allows businesses to modify their cloud resources—storage, processing power, and more—according to demand. This means no wasted expenses on unused resources, with the entire process automated to ease the burden on IT teams.

Understanding Elastic Cloud Computing

Elastic Cloud Computing refers to a technology that enables businesses to rapidly increase or decrease resources (like computing power, memory, and storage) to adapt to changing demands. Automated cloud monitoring tools handle capacity planning, ensuring resources are allocated efficiently to maintain smooth operations. This approach not only helps avoid costs associated with idle resources but also enhances operational efficiency compared to traditional setups.

A Brief History of Elastic Cloud Computing

2006: The launch of Amazon Web Services (AWS) revolutionized the commercialization of cloud technology.

2008: Amazon EC2 Auto Scaling was introduced, allowing automatic adjustments of EC2 instances based on demand, laying the groundwork for Elastic Cloud Computing.

2010: The debut of AWS Elastic Beanstalk provided an easy way to manage cloud applications.

2013: The introduction of AWS Lambda offered serverless computing, where businesses could run elastic clouds without manually managing servers.

2015: Google launched its Compute Engine autoscaler, enhancing scalability and flexibility in cloud services.

2020s: Companies began adopting multi-cloud strategies, creating a greater demand for elastic cloud solutions.

How Elastic Cloud Computing Functions

To meet the demands of businesses, Elastic Cloud Computing provides:

Resource Provisioning: Cloud providers allocate resources according to specific business needs.

Dynamic Scaling: Resources are automatically adjusted up or down based on demand.

Automation and Orchestration: Auto-scaling and orchestration tools manage applications based on real-time requirements.

Pay-as-You-Go Billing: Businesses are billed only for the resources they actually use, promoting cost efficiency.

Advantages of Elastic Cloud Computing

Consistent Resource Availability: Provides a predictable cloud experience without unplanned expenses.

Boosts Productivity: Allows IT teams to concentrate on strategic initiatives rather than resource management.

Promotes Automation: Streamlines cloud resource management.

Cost-Effective: Businesses save on operational costs by only paying for what they utilize.

The Future of Elastic Cloud Computing

As organizations invest more in cloud technologies, the importance of efficient capacity management will grow. AI will likely play a role in helping businesses analyze historical usage patterns, enabling better anticipation of resource needs. Given that many IT leaders are seeking improved cost management, Elastic Cloud Computing will likely see even greater adoption.

In Summary

Adaptability is essential for success in today’s fast-paced environment. By harnessing Elastic Cloud Computing, organizations can navigate the ups and downs of demand fluctuations effectively. As the cloud becomes integral to businesses, embracing its elastic capabilities is vital—just like owning a magical backpack that adjusts to fit all your needs!

#Computing

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thatmcgwords · 5 months ago

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Burnout isn’t just about working too hard or feeling exhausted. More importantly, it’s not a sign of failure. Burnout stems from enduring stress across various aspects of life – physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual. This kind of stress leads to an energy drain, a problem that more than 75 percent of professionals face at some point in their careers.

To successfully manage life’s journey, you need to ensure your vehicle – that’s you – is well-maintained and correctly guided.

To effectively reverse burnout, you need a new kind of map – one that pinpoints where the burnout is occurring and offers steps to replenish your energy. When you’re in alignment, you create energy from within instead of constantly seeking it from outside sources.

Sleep is a non-negotiable step toward health and healing

Sleep might seem like a simple pause from daily activities, but it’s a critical – and often overlooked – component of health. Neglecting sleep isn’t like skipping a task on your external to-do list – what you’re actually doing is actively ignoring your body’s crucial internal needs. This neglect can send you sliding toward burnout, as sleep is foundational to your physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual well-being.

During sleep, your body is incredibly active. It produces essential hormones and proteins for cellular repair and builds immunity. Sleep also helps consolidate memories and clear your mind, setting you up for better focus and presence the next day. Emotionally, it processes and releases the day’s emotional burdens, refreshing your emotional state.

Joy is crucial to well-being

Rediscovering joy can seem like a luxury when you’re feeling the weight of burnout, but infusing your days with pleasure is a vital step toward healing. In the hustle of everyday tasks and checklists, it’s easy to sideline joy and laughter, focusing only on recovery post-exertion.

And remember, simple activities often have an outsized effect on your mood. Try listening to your favorite music in the morning, or dive into the creativity of an improv group. You can also explore new experiences like a dance class or a new restaurant. Engage in a book club, take up a long-postponed cooking class, or say yes to social gatherings. Volunteering at a pet rescue, participating in community art projects, or enjoying sports can also be invigorating.

One of the most universally energizing activities is spending time in nature. Whether it’s a walk in a park, a day at the beach, or a hiking adventure, nature has a profound way of replenishing everyone’s spirits. Forests, deserts, mountains, and oceans offer diverse, restorative experiences that few can say they don’t find rejuvenating.

Don’t forget laughter, either. The comedian Bob Hope once noted the transformative power of laughter, turning deep sorrow into something bearable and even hopeful. Humor isn’t just a relief; it’s a powerful tool for resilience, energy, and joy. It plays a critical role in relationships by easing stress and enhancing overall well-being. Shared humor magnifies enjoyment, creates bonds, and fosters an understanding among people, showing that they share your perspective and values. This cocreated joy is especially potent in close relationships, where inside jokes develop a shared, safe space, deepening connections and providing a sense of security.

Make better decisions by being mindful of your values

Life can often feel like you’re on autopilot, with external influences steering your decisions more than your internal compass. This can leave you feeling adrift, constantly swayed by the need for acceptance or the prevailing opinions around you.

But imagine transforming from aimless driftwood to a confident sailboat, complete with a rudder and clear direction. This shift from outside-in to inside-out decision-making isn’t just empowering – it’s downright transformative.

When you make decisions based on your core values, you engage deeply with your intuition and wisdom. This allows you to make choices that genuinely reflect who you are and what you believe in. Understanding your body’s signals, your thoughts, and your feeling helps in building a framework where you trust yourself to make the right decisions for your well-being and fulfillment.

Consider a decision-making process that integrates your spiritual, physical, emotional, mental, and social perspectives. This holistic approach ensures you make choices that are thoroughly aligned with your deepest needs and values. First, think about whether a potential decision aligns with your highest values. If something doesn’t resonate with your core beliefs, it’s a clear indicator that it might not be the right path for you . Then, assess how this decision impacts your energy. Does it invigorate you, or does it leave you feeling drained? Listen to your body’s reaction as it often holds the key to understanding what truly matters to you.

Next, identify what emotions are driving your decision. Are you acting out of fear or moving toward something that genuinely excites and inspires you? This emotional check-in is crucial because it helps differentiate between choices made out of pressure and those made from passion. Also, consider the long-term effects. Will there be initial challenges that lead to greater rewards, or does it seem like a short-term gain that could lead to long-term regrets?

Finally, reflect on the social impact of your decision. Think about how it will affect those around you. Will it bring mutual benefits, or could it potentially harm your relationships or others’ well-being? A good choice often feels right both personally and communally.

A decision should only be a yes if it positively checks these aspects – aligning with your values, energizing you, stemming from positive emotions, promising long-term benefits, and positively affecting others. If it falls short in any of these areas, it might be wise to reconsider.

This approach to decision-making won’t just help you make better choices; it’ll transform how you interact with the world, fostering a life that’s not only fulfilling but also true to your deepest self.

Powered by Me by Neha Sangwan, you’ve learned that burnout occurs when deep personal needs are ignored across physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual dimensions. Key strategies to combat burnout include tuning into your body’s signals, ensuring adequate sleep, integrating joy into your daily life, and making value-driven decisions.

#blinkist

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mytrilo · 10 months ago

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MyTrilo stands out as your memory organizer offering unmatched features to effortlessly create stunning digital albums, organize photo albums, and share life's most cherished moments. Say goodbye to the clutter of scattered memories and welcome the digital photo organizer, a seamless platform that puts you in control of your digital archive.

MyTrilo is here to revolutionize the way you organize and manage your precious memories. As the best app to organize family photos, MyTrilo offers unparalleled features and functionality to streamline your photo management process. Although perhaps the most important point is that MyTrilo works as an offline and online photo album creator at your fingertips.

With MyTrilo, you can say goodbye to the headache of manual storing and categorization because MyTrilo works as the professional photo organizer app. Our intelligent algorithms automatically organize your photos based on date, location, and even facial recognition. No more wasting time searching for that one elusive photo with MyTrilo – best photo and video software. Everything is neatly sorted and easily accessible.

But that's not all; MyTrilo as a digital album maker goes above and beyond to provide you with the best photo software for organizing and storing your memories. With our robust storage options, you can rest assured knowing that your photos are safe and secure, whether you're storing them locally on your device or in the cloud. Meanwhile, MyTrilo has such an easy way to share photos and videos with the App so that you create your own personalized squad and groups.

In addition to organizing your photos, MyTrilo also offers a range of other features to enhance your photo management experience. Create beautiful digital albums with ease, share your favorite memories with friends and family, and even make your own photo books – all from within the MyTrilo platform so share happy moments at your ease.

But what sets MyTrilo apart from other photo organizing software? Our commitment to innovation and user satisfaction, especially our free unlimited online video storage. We're constantly updating and improving our platform to ensure that you have the best possible experience. From our intuitive interface to our powerful search capabilities, MyTrilo is designed with you in mind.

In summary, MyTrilo transcends being just a memory organizer; it's your partner in preserving and cherishing life's best moments and being the best photo storage and organizer. Bid adieu to cluttered memories and embrace a platform that empowers you to curate, organize, and share memories like never before.

So why wait? Experience the power of MyTrilo for yourself as the best cross-platform app and take control of your photos and videos with free unlimited cloud storage and your personalized collection today. With MyTrilo, organizing and managing your memories has never been easier or more enjoyable. Try MyTrilo now and see the difference for yourself!

MyTrilo provides free unlimited cloud storage, acts as a picture management software, and serves as a video storage app. With unlimited online storage, photo organizer app, and photo organizer capabilities, it ensures you can secure your photos & videos forever. The app promotes effortless photo & video management and is designed to bring your memories together. Organize photo albums and enjoy the ultimate photo & video organizer experience with MyTrilo. Use the Free Photo organizing software to secure your photos & videos forever with MyTrilo and achieve effortless photo & video management with MyTrilo.

In whole Generic view here is what we can do with MyTrilo:

1. Create Your Memory Timeline: Easily organize every precious moment in your life, from creating your first memory to adding trip moments. You can even change names and add comments.

2. Effortlessly Store Media: Keep your memories safe by storing photos, videos, and notes for each special moment.

3. Secure Cloud Storage: Rest easy with reliable and protected memory storage on our cloud-based servers. Plus, it's 100% free and unlimited!

4. Apply Tags for Easy Searching: Make your memories easy to find by adding meaningful tags.

5. Personalized Timelines: Create timelines for yourself and your loved ones, featuring personalized family and friends' moments.

6. Share Anywhere: Share memories with friends and family through social media, links, or email. You can also make moments public and enjoy the multiple moments sharing feature.

7. Privacy Control: Safeguard media you don't want to share.

8. Group Creation: Easily create groups and invite others to import moments.

9. Organize and Cache Media: Keep everything in order and quickly access your media.

10. Offline Access: Access your memories anytime, anywhere, even without an internet connection.

11. Available Everywhere: MyTrilo is on IOS, Android, and the web – a truly cross-platform app.

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penningthoughts · 11 months ago

Text

youtube

Summary of key points

Mini essays are powerful tools for learning and improving writing skills by focusing on single ideas or topics extracted from various sources like books, articles, or videos.

Writing mini essays helps in memory retention, understanding, and application of learned concepts through the Feynman technique of teaching what you've learned to others.

Mini essays aid in building writing skills by providing volume, novelty, and a bank of ideas, enabling consistent practice and improvement over time.

Additional Insights and Observations:

"Teaching what you learn is powerful for your own learning, as it forces ideas to stick and helps identify gaps in understanding." The Feynman technique, named after physicist Richard Feynman, is a valuable tool for learning and retention.

Obsidian, a note-taking app, is recommended for writing mini essays due to its offline usability and organizational features.

Concluding Remarks:

Mini essays offer a structured approach to learning and writing, enhancing comprehension, retention, and skill development. By incorporating the Feynman technique and utilizing tools like Obsidian, individuals can effectively engage with content, improve writing abilities, and build a strong foundation for continuous learning and growth.

Generated using TalkBud

#mini essay #lifestyle #life improvement #improve your life #life #self improvement #learning #writing #journaling tips #journaling #Youtube

0 notes

myhoneststudyblr · 3 years ago

Photo

my masterpost | my studygram | ask me anything | how to stop procrastinating series

[click images for high quality]

[transcript under the cut]

Other advice posts that may be of interest:

All About Procrastination

How To Study When You Really Don’t Want To

Common Study Mistakes

7 Strategies to Improve Concentration

How to Make Your Notes Aesthetic

7 WAYS TO POWER UP YOUR NOTETAKING STRATEGIES!

#1 Use your own words

Don't just transcribe lectures or copy word for word out a textbook

By writing notes out in your own words you develop a deeper understanding of the material and you will engage your brain more. This helps the material stick better ready for later revision.

It also means that you will be creating a personalised, powerful record of your material that fits with how you think.

#2 Transform your notes after class

Once you have finished the lecture, write a summary in a different style

If you transform your notes into a summary, diagram or mindmap, you create new retrieval paths in your memory and helps to consolidate the information.

The test also probably won't look like your notes so using and applying your notes by transforming them gives you practice with the material in different formats.

#3 Take notes no matter what

Even if you are given notes, make sure to write your own notes too

You may be given lecture/powerpoint slides or pre-made notes from your teacher, but it is important to remember that this is only a starting point!

Your thinking really matters! That's why it is important to write your own notes too because you can add your own associations, questions and details that might not be captured in the slides. This doesn't have to be completely separate from the notes you were given, because you could, for example, print out and then annotate the lecture slides with your own impressions and ideas.

#4 Take notes by hand if possible

Typing may seem like the easier option but handwriting is usually much better

Notetaking on your laptop can invite multitasking and distract from listening and learning. You can always convert your notes to a digital format later as part of your study process.

Many studies have also shown that it is better to handwrite notes during lectures and classes as this leads to better recall and thus better performance in tests. This is because, when typing, people are more predisposed to simply write exactly what the speaker is saying, instead of using your own words.

#5 Use consistent abbreviations & symbols

This saves time when writing and can be used to make connections

One of the most difficult aspects of taking notes during lectures is that you cannot both listen and write at the same time. Abbreviations and symbols help you get information down quickly so you can get back to listening.

Abbreviations mean you can get down the main points but still understand the meaning. There are many common ones but you could also develop your own specific abbreviations related for your course.

Symbols are also useful as you can develop your own personal system which will help to make connections. For example, if you were studying a book for literature, you could create a symbol for each character.

#6 Be open to trying new things

Challenge yourself to take notes in a new style to find what works for you

There are so many different notetaking methods that you could try out to see what is more efficient depending on the situation and content. Trying new methods also makes your brain more engaged in what you are writing.

#7 Take notes in all of your learning environments

Don't just take notes from lectures, also take notes during tutorials and class discussions

Lectures aren't the only learning opportunities that you will have. Class discussions and comments from other students are also very valuable because they can help you hear some different perspectives. This can spur and deepen your thinking and understanding, which is why it is important to also take notes during these sessions of any interesting ideas that arise.

Thank you for reading!

I hope that this will help you boost your notetaking skills and make you more efficient!

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nejibaby · 4 years ago

Text

Small Details

Pairings: Neji x Y/N

Summary: Neji was a man of few words, even more so with you, and when he sees you with Naruto in a compromising position, he has troubles expressing himself.

Word Count: 3.2k

A/N: And I finally managed to finish this! It took me so long! Today, I offer you a flustered Neji... 👀 I hope y’all enjoy it because I may or may not have melted after writing this 😚

✨Photo taken from this post by @yul-is-sparkling ✨

Naruto was finally back after two years of training with Jiraiya. Being one of his closest friends, you were excited to meet him and to see for yourself how much he’s grown.

Naturally, you challenged him to a duel the first time you saw him again. It was kind of your thing with Naruto — competing with each other on who’s faster, stronger, better in ninjutsu, anything really. Mainly because Sasuke, who he often referred to as his rival, would rarely indulge him with such things, and you did. You were both competitive like that.

In no time, you were both alone on the training grounds. You could already tell how drastic his improvements were within the start of the battle.

You were in awe at how the Legendary Sannins could bring out the best in their apprentices. But despite not being trained by them, that didn’t mean you were lagging behind.

In those two years when Sasuke seeked Orochimaru for power, Naruto trained under Jiraiya, and Sakura learned from Tsunade, you were the only one in Team 7 who remained under the supervision of Kakashi sensei.

Kakashi sensei may not be a Legendary Sannin, but he was a formidable shinobi — one of the best during his generation even. However, truthfully, he infuriated you at first, not because of how late he always was — you were pretty used to it to the point that you don’t question him anymore about his whereabouts and he stopped coming up with excuses as to why he was late — but because there were times when he was too laidback.

Sure, there were moments when he was hands-on: teaching you different jutsus, lecturing you about certain concepts, informing you on what you should always look out for, drilling your body past exhaustion, and the like. But more often than not he would be saying something like, “Find it out yourself” or “I can’t exactly tell you how” as he leisurely sits on a tree branch while reading the stupid Icha Icha books.

You were dumbfounded and furious at first but when your initial annoyance subsided and you had adjusted to his teaching style, you flourished.

That’s why you could take on Naruto even after his training with Jiraiya.

What started as a serious duel between you and Naruto was reduced to playful banter the longer the fight dragged on. At one point, both of you would just tease each other while throwing kicks and punches halfheartedly.

Both of you had your guards down. That was a mistake on your part, because just as Naruto aimed to kick your face and you bent over backwards to dodge it, you slipped. You lost your footing all because of a rock situated near your right foot.

It was a rookie mistake.

Naruto was quick to notice that you were falling so he immediately grabbed ahold of your hand. The problem was he failed to pull you back up. So you ended up falling down with him. And somehow, he ended up with his arms on the sides of your head so he wouldn’t crush you as you were underneath him.

You were both shocked. You were just blinking at each other. It took awhile for the two of you to gather your bearings. When you did, you both immediately laughed out loud. Naruto moved his body so he was lying next to you as you both continued laughing your hearts out.

“What the hell was that, Naruto?!” You feigned exasperation. “You wouldn’t be able to save a fly if you tried.”

“At least I wasn’t the one making rookie mistakes like that,” Naruto shot back. “Plus I tried to help, that’s what matters.”

You snorted. “Yeah, right. You could’ve at least focused your chakra on your soles so we didn’t fall!”

“And you could’ve paid attention to your surroundings, Y/N!”

You bickered with each other as you stood up and helped Naruto get up. What the two of you didn’t know was that your boyfriend Neji had watched the whole incident.

Neji wasn’t really the type to get jealous. He’s a very understanding boyfriend. He’s aware that you and Naruto have been best friends even before he met you. He even knew about Naruto’s feelings for Sakura. However, any sane person wouldn’t want to see his significant other beneath someone else, right? Granted, it was an accident, but still… It was such a compromising position to find you in.

He made his appearance as you playfully punched Naruto in the gut.

You instantly noticed him approaching. Your smile widened even more at the sight of your boyfriend. “Neji!” You called, skipping your way towards him. You would’ve tackled him in a hug if Naruto wasn’t around.

He maintained his stoic expression as he greeted, “Y/N. Naruto.”

“Oi Neji, it’s been a while,” Naruto waved.

Neji only gave a curt nod in response.

You asked, “What are you doing here, Neji?” but just as you ended your question, the answer immediately clicked on your mind. “Oh my god, I’m sorry I forgot!”

Over your excitement of Naruto’s arrival, you forgot that it was a Tuesday. Tuesdays were your lunch dates and sparring sessions with Neji.

“It’s okay.”

“Hold on.” you told him and then faced Naruto. “Gotta go, Naruto! Bye!” you said as you grabbed Neji’s hand out of habit.

Neji flushed, not exactly expecting your action, but you didn’t notice because it was something that you’re used to doing, although not in the presence of someone else.

“See you later!” Naruto waved.

When Naruto was out of sight, you dropped Neji’s hand unconsciously. “Sorry, I forgot about lunch. What time is it? Have you eaten?” You asked Neji.

He quickly responded and told you he hasn’t eaten anything yet.

“Well then, let’s go. I’m starving.”

Neji and you walked side by side out of the training grounds.

“So…” you started saying.

Neji stared at you. “Hm?”

“How was your day, baby?”

He cleared his throat and looked away almost instantly. Very rarely would one find Neji flustered, but calling him “baby” always worked. He wasn’t quite used to the endearment and every time you addressed him as such with tenderness laced in your voice, he would blush. You use it all the time just to see his cheeks tinted pink. It was a cute sight.

“What’s wrong?” You playfully asked while trying to get into his line of vision.

He refused to meet your gaze until he regained his composure. When he did, he told you — in an impassive manner — what he had done in the morning before he went out looking for you.

Despite his expressionless face and his rather hushed tone, you listened intently to the words he was saying, the smile on your lips never leaving your face. Neji was a man of few words even until now that you were together so you made sure you paid attention every time he spoke, not wanting his words to go to waste.

He wouldn’t admit it to you but he loved that about you. You would remember even the little details of his stories, which in itself was a big deal considering you tend to forget a lot of things. You treasured his words, sentences, thoughts, ideas and plans, and kept them enclosed in your memory.

Neji loved that you focused on him. You made him feel like he was important and worthy, and that he mattered, in a completely different way than the others’ view of him.

The others only saw him as important because he was an asset both to the Hyuga clan and to Konoha. He only mattered to them because he has the strength and ability to protect them.

But you didn’t see him that way. You saw him as his own person — a man with a brilliant mind, a great moral compass, and a heart of gold. This was further confirmed when you told him that if his circumstances were different — if he was not a Hyuga or even a shinobi — you’d still fall in love with him as long as his character remained the same.

He knew you love him, there was no doubt about that. It was known; it was an irrefutable truth, an indisputable fact. But why did seeing you with Naruto trigger his insecurities that you had previously put to rest?

His mind was reeling, but he tried his hardest to be in the moment with you.

The thing was, he might have misread you a little. Because the attention that you gave him wasn’t solely focused on his words. In actuality, it extended to his actions and mannerisms as well.

This was how you knew that there was something that was bothering Neji today.

Unwelcome thoughts swarmed his mind, leading him to absentmindedly reach out to you. He was walking beside you closer than usual, with his hand on your lower back. While there was no doubt that he was listening to you when it was your turn to tell him about your day with Naruto, he had a faraway, vacant look on his face.

You may have missed the presence of a rock a while ago, but you certainly wouldn’t miss these small details about Neji.

These might come across as something normal for other people, but for someone like you who dedicated a lot of time admiring and memorizing every little detail of the certain Hyuga boy, it was easy to tell that something was on his mind from the way he was taking up a portion of your personal space. Almost as if his own restrictions were non-existent.

Normally, it would’ve been easier to confront him about it, but you were a shinobi, and if there’s something you learned from Kakashi sensei, it was that you have to gather more intel before actually making a move.

But you could only think of one way to confirm if there was something bothering your partner, and it was through his hair.

On regular days, Neji wouldn’t allow anyone to touch his hair, including you. But when there was something that was bothering him, or if he had a particularly rough day, he wouldn’t mind it if you threaded your fingers through his hair. In fact, he wouldn’t admit it, but he preferred it if you did that. It was something that calmed him down.

So while you continued telling him how your day went, you subtly angled your body towards him. Then you tentatively reached for the tips of his hair with your hand that was closest to him. You managed to grab a few strands of his hair between your thumb and index finger. You twisted them between your fingers.

You looked up to him to check if he was bothered by it, but it seemed like he didn’t mind at all. This certainly meant that his mind was elsewhere, despite the fact that he was nodding in the right parts of your speech and even correcting you when you used the wrong word to describe something.

You retracted your hand after coming up with your conclusion. You even stopped talking as you were thinking of what could’ve happened for him to be this distracted. Neji didn’t even notice you stopped talking mid sentence.

Somehow this just felt different from the times he was frustrated or anxious before, and quite frankly, you were worried.

By the time you had both placed orders and seated in a random restaurant, you decided to confront your partner. “So, Neji, baby, are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?”

He choked on nothing after hearing your question. Was he really that easy to read? Or was it easy just because it was you reading him?

He cleared his throat and feigned ignorance, “What are y-you talking about?”

You opted to give him a pointed look instead of a verbal response.

He didn’t stare back, looking anywhere but you. Most times, Neji would face you head on until you conceded; with you, he was comfortable being stubborn and unyielding because it came without repercussions. But today, he wasn’t up for the challenge. And if you looked more closely, he was once again sporting a faint color on his cheeks.

You waited a moment for him to answer, or at least to look back, but it was to no avail. With a sigh, you said, with the softest tone you could muster partnered with a reassuring smile, “Would you let me know when you’re ready, at least?”

Surprisingly, Neji looked at you then. “It’s nothing… It’s just… something silly.”

You gently grabbed a hold of his hand. “Don’t tell me it’s silly, I know it isn’t if it bothers you, baby. You don’t have to tell me now if you aren’t comfortable yet, hmm? Just know I’ll be here to listen to you.” You gave him a genuine smile and a small squeeze to his hand before letting go.

Neji’s eyes hadn’t strayed from then onwards. He had to admit sometimes he would forget how incredibly kindhearted you were, even more so when it came to him. You always made sure he was comfortable. You never forced him into doing or saying things that he wasn’t ready to do or say. You allowed him to make his own decisions and respected them, something that rarely came from being a subordinate of Konoha and a member of the branch family of the Hyuga clan.

Life as a shinobi was sometimes constricting, but you were his breather from all that.

It was your turn to be bashful from his stare. You could feel your face warming up from the unexpected, scrutinizing gaze. “Neji, stop it.”

“What?”

“Stop looking at me like that.”

“Stop being beautiful, then.”

The words that came out of Neji’s lips startled you. It wasn’t everyday he would actually use words to tell you you’re beautiful. The way he expressed his appreciation to your beauty would come in the form of fluttering kisses or gentle brushes on your body parts — coincidentally, or not, on parts where you feel the most insecure about.

Fortunately for you, the food came at the right moment, since you weren’t exactly sure how to respond to his unexpected compliment. You both ate in silence then, occasionally peeking at each other — almost like how it was when you first started dating each other.

When you were done with lunch, you expected to take the route towards the training grounds like you both usually did, but Neji’s hand has taken solace on your back once again and this time with intent to guide you to a different direction.

You were confused but you followed anyway. “Where are we going?”

“To my place.” A pause. “Is that fine with you?”

“Sure” was all you could say. Admittedly, you were quite tired from the duel you had with Naruto earlier and you didn’t really have enough energy to spar with Neji, considering he never went easy on you.

By the time you had entered his place, he graciously offered his couch to you, as if sensing your exhaustion. You immediately plopped down on his couch after setting aside your footwear by his front door.

“Tired?”

“Very,” you mumbled.

He handed you a glass of water, knowing you weren’t quite fond of tea. He sat down beside you just as you thanked him and sipped on your drink.

Setting aside the glass, you leaned back on the couch, only to be welcomed by Neji’s arms. A small smile automatically crept into your lips from the gesture. You snuggled into him as a reflex.

It was moments like this with Neji that you treasured most. While you enjoyed tagging around with him and the rest of Team Guy on missions, you preferred spending time with him peacefully like this, without the imminent threat of danger looming over your heads. It was rather a rare occurrence, after all, for two shinobis like you both were.

Neji was first to break the comfortable silence. “I saw you with Naruto a while ago.”

“You did? When?” You excitedly asked while trying to pull away from his embrace to look directly to his face. But for some reason, he kept you in place, your cheek pressed to his neck. “Did you see me kick his ass? Like literally.”

“Yes,” he answered flatly. It was a response that sounded so… dry. Usually when you both talked about Naruto, there would be a fondness from his tone. “But… I also saw something else…” he trailed off.

You raked your mind, trying to remember what had happened earlier. Then the memory of falling down flashed on your mind, and suddenly you felt embarrassed for Neji having to witness such a mistake. “Oh no!” You jumped out of his grasp, startling him in the process. “You saw me fall down! That’s so embarrassing!” You covered your face with your palms.

“Well, yes… but—”

You snapped your head at the tone he used. He didn’t sound like he was going to tease you for your mistake, in fact, it kind of sounded like he was worried.

“I’m fine though, if you’re worried,” you offered, assuming he thought you got hurt from the fall.

“I’m glad you are not hurt,” he said. Not long after you noticed him visibly gulping.

You could tell there was something else in his mind, and whatever it was, you had a feeling it might’ve been the thing that was bothering him a while ago. You tried to come up with guesses as to what it could’ve been. As you recalled how the conversation started and considered how he was acting, a plausible answer popped into your mind.

“Are you perhaps… jealous?” You hesitantly asked. He was the first one to initiate this conversation so you were assuming he was ready to talk about it. Despite that though, you didn’t want to force him to talk so you carefully and reluctantly asked him. He was always allowed to drop the topic if he wasn’t comfortable and he knew that.

Neji cleared his throat as soon as the words left your mouth all the while avoiding to meet your eyes once again. “Maybe,” he almost inaudibly said.

You were surprised by his answer. It wasn’t always that Neji got jealous. The only time he was was when a stranger was blatantly hitting on you in front of him while you were on a mission together.

“It did not sit right with me seeing you in an… inappropriate position with someone else.” He explained. The tone he used sounded like the one he used with the Hokage when he was taking responsibility for something that went horribly wrong on a mission.

“Don’t make it sound like it’s wrong,” you said softly as you cupped his face. “You don’t have to feel guilty about feeling jealous. Your feelings are valid.”

The gentleness and warmth in your voice made his heart flutter. If this was a conversation with someone else, he was sure he was going to get teased for feeling this way, but it was with you, and you had always been different.

“I love you, Neji,” you said before you kissed his lips.

It was amazing how the three words you used that preceded his name could easily wipe out the jealousy that had brewed inside him. This was another testament of how well you knew Neji — not only did you know the small details about him, but you also know the right words to ease his worries.

1K notes · View notes

generallybrontidefeelings · 4 years ago

Text

Stressed

Rating: NC-17

A/N: Brought to you by this post. I'm tired and sleepy and don't want to make any decisions. The degree is an actual MS you can get from American University in DC. U of Tennessee’s anthropology dept. hosts what’s called a body farm. It's a lab for forensic pathology students. Do NOT I repeat DO NOT look up pictures.

Pairing: Marcus Pike x reader, Marcus Pike x you

Summary: Marcus Pike is an associate faculty member at your forensics college. You ask him to be your second reader for your thesis, even though you have a huge crush on him. Nothing is better than something, right? By the time you pass your exam, you're so pent up you could scream.

Warnings: cadaver talk, pining, age difference, some power dynamics?, annoying college talk, sex, dirty talk, a God awful metaphor curtesy of Blanche Devereaux, 39

“Take a deep breath.”

You huff in a small shallow breath. Then let it out, and take in a longer, fuller one.

“Now let it out.” You let your cheeks puff up as cool air streams past your lips. “You’ve made huge improvements, and you’ve studied hard. The paper exam will be easy, and the oral will be a cinch.”

You gulp. “I know. It’s just...pre-show jitters, you know?”

He gives you a full smile, and flips the document shut. You hand him the binder clip, accidentally brushing his fingers when you do.

"Anything else I can do for you?"

You swallow, fiddling with your paper edge. God you feel like a twelve year old. You're fucking twenty-seven and about to apply for the FBI, why are you such a sap? He’s not available. Not even remotely. He will be gone in a year, back to the Bureau. There is no reason to nurse a crush. And you curse yourself for asking a man you’re attracted to - you, idiot, idiot! - to spend more time with you. Even if it is reading your dull chapter.

"No, I have everything I need, thanks."

"Then scoot. I have to read like...thirty pages of Tanner's chapter before he gets here."

You pull your bag to your shoulder. "you're not going to get that far," you scoff. The tensing in your shoulders relaxes a little when you stand to leave.

"We'll see," he says. He opens the door of his office for you. You glance back once more, and he's still in the doorway watching you go. "See you tomorrow."

"See you." Your mind swirls back and forth between thoughts of Mr. Pike, your thesis, Pike, your oral defence, your paper exam in two days, Marcus crossing his ankles in his reading chair. And you walk. Straight ahead, not looking back. But when you get to the door handle you turn around. And he's still there. Watching.

You've never been so stressed in your life.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

You met Marcus Pike on a muggy afternoon in August deep in the heart of Tennessee. The air warped off the pavement as you drove together to the School of Anthropology to visit your cadaver lying relaxed and prostrate in the middle of a fenced field. The air is already warm, then lightning flashes in the clouds to your right, and plopping rain drops scatter across the lawn, and dampens A-0017’s second hand suit. His raisinette hands lie against the grass almost like he’s communing with the earth. You watched the water hit his face, and permanently closed eyelids, and shaved head.

You had no business being so fidgety while kneeling next to a cadaver. Agent Marcus Pike and the facility director chat a couple feet away, leaving you to your business with A-0017. Pike had never been to the school’s mysterious forensics lab, even though he had plenty of time to when he was earning his own masters. That’s what he said in his email to you three weeks earlier. He’d heard a first-year student was running a fibrous material experiment and asked to tag along. And you said yes. Why not? He was faculty. It wasn’t unheard of. His email was so polite too, letting you know if you weren’t comfortable he understood. Pike. The name rattled a memory somewhere. So you emailed him back, and the next morning he sent you his itinerary: he would meet you in Tennessee. He’d even pay for the rental car.

You sent your advisor a quick text to ask if he was ‘crazy.’ She’d sent back the laughing emoji. No, she said, Marcus Pike isn’t a crazy. You’ll like him.

You did like him. He was waiting for you at the Hertz desk, and heat licked up your skin when you realized - he was striking. He was the type of man you’d make eyes at in a bar without any hope of even getting a number. His brown hair was neatly trimmed, and he had a softness brought on by a light scruff that didn’t hide his dimples. You barely registered that he was apologizing for not getting to introduce himself before flying out, but promised he was who he said he was. Even pulled out his credentials.

“Bureau?” you said to his badge. “I thought you were an associate professor?” You want to smack yourself.

Oh, “I am,” he replied. He dug in his wallet and pulled out a campus ID that matched yours. “I’m taking an interim year. I thought teaching would be a nice way to ease into DC life.”

Now he was here, sweating under the storm clouds while watching you unbutton A-0017’s shirt, and half listening to the director tell him all about how they kept the lawn looking green despite, ahem, fluids. You sternly told A-0017 to be on their best behavior while you pulled their shirt back to examine some fiber swatches stapled to his rubbery chest.

On the flight back Pike asked you all about your thesis plans. You stuttered as you began. He waited, patient. You were writing on how the FBI could contribute to cultural repatriation efforts internationally by returning art pieces. Do you know what it could do to boost scholarly opportunities? The doors it could open! Why put it in cold storage when it could revitalize movements? Art breathes, after all. You were exhausted by the time the plane landed. Both from answering questions, and from keeping a steadily building tension under wraps. You hoped he didn’t notice how you crossed your legs.

“I’d love to read it.” He handed your backpack down from the overhead bin.

“Maybe you should be my second reader.” You got serious when his face perked up. “I still need one.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------

That was nine months ago.

Your exams are in a week, and instead of thinking about preparing, all you can think of is that once everything is turned in, you probably won’t see Marcus again. He’s been your anchor these last months, and you’ve gotten used to his solid presence and encouraging platitudes. You cup your hot cheeks because it’s a dirty thought.

He lets you work in his office for a couple hours a week every week. The crammed little space is tight quarters, but he makes room for your laptop anyway. Sometimes you worked together heads bent for full time. Sometimes he read pages from your thesis, and you help him grade some papers from his first-year art history course. And sometimes you drink three pm coffee together and don’t work at all. It’s your favorite time of the week. The glow his praise gives you is embarrassing. And he’s an easy companion - nope, colleague. Your heart beats and your mouth waters every time you’re fifteen feet from his office door. The cold door knob jolts you took. You harbor a secret. Keep it warm in your belly. It swirls hungrily deep in you.

But now it’s a problem. You’re so distracted. Every time you leave his office, you’re tense from want. Your body is already over-caffeinated and achy from sitting in hard library chairs so long. But you keep going. Every time an anxious heat lights up the alarms in your head your instinct is to ask him what to do. You have to rest your hands in your head and remind yourself: he isn’t your babysitter, he’s a grown man who doesn’t have boundless time to tell you what to do. You have to figure it out yourself. Even if you really just want him to tell you what this or that section needs, is the title here misleading, is it lunch time, do you think the tone here is condescending?

What do you think? What do you want it to look like?

You think you want to grab his dumb button down collars and bite his lip. You want it to look flushed and tousled and desperate. You want to ride him in his reading chair with the door locked. It just isn’t fair.

The night before your first exam you take z-quil, drink lavender tea, and read a chapter of your favorite book to relax. Your phone buzzes at nine. It’s Marcus: good luck! You’re going to do great! Well. Better take some more Z-quill now that your heart is palpitating.

You pass both tests in excellent standing - MS in International Relations: complete. Pike attends the oral exam. Your skin goes hot when he smiles at you when the committee declares you exceed expectations. He invites you for a celebratory drink in the next couple days, which means you have two days to sternly wrangle your crush back into the dirty corner she came from.

You fail miserably.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

“Look,” he says, setting his beer down on the glass bar counter. “I know it’s not my business, but you still look stressed out. Are your grades bothering you?”

The rim of your gin and tonic is wet with condensation from where your finger circles it. “No, they’re great.”

He bumps your shoulder with his. “Then what’s the damage? You’re jumpier than a…” he trails off thinking a good metaphor. He squints at you a little.

“A virgin at a prison rodeo?” you supply. He inhales sharply, eyes wide. “You can laugh.”

“I didn’t know you watched ‘The Golden Girls,” he says. His tone is admiring. “I was going to say jumpier than a graduate student giving their defense.” You purse your lips when he raises his eyebrows at you. “Can I help at all?”

You watch his Adam’s apple bob when he takes another sip of his beer. The soft orange lights in the bar spill around his jaw and throat, they flicker in his irises. His face in three quarter profile is august. You’re utterly exhausted from the polite ‘student mentor’ dance you’ve had to do for months while keeping your desire at bay. And more than that, you didn’t want to answer. You wanted to show him and let him decide. The sultry washboard and piano music give you that last boost.

You make sure he’s watching you, then you slowly reach out and wrap your fingers around his wrist.

Then you wait.

Marcus pauses from lifting his beer bottle, eyes glued to your hand on his wrist. It’s petite against him. He stares at your baby blue fingernails pairing beautifully with his Stirling watch - and he feels himself harden.

All the skin on your body stands at attention when he meets your eyes. Everything in them tells you he wants you just as bad. There’s a hesitant curve above his eyebrow though. You get it. You were his student - he’s such a sweet man he wouldn’t even dream of using a power dynamic like that to get laid. Your breath comes in short heaves.

“The semester ended thirty-six minutes ago,” you say over the music. He takes a deep breath. You aren’t his student anymore. Not according to the school, anyway.

You want him to decide. If he doesn’t, you’ll go home and fall apart under your fingertips thinking about how hot it would have been to lift your dress and sit on his cock while wearing your thigh highs.

“Do you want to leave?” You nod, resisting the urge to bite your lip.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Marcus’s apartment is homey. Streetlights flood the floor of the living room through the street facing windows. You turn this way and that to inspect the dark areas that look like bookshelves while he hangs up your coat. You squeeze your hands at your sides, because this is happening. You’re in his house. The hardwood floor is cold under your stocking feet.

You jump when he puts his hands on your shoulders from behind you, holding you a mere inch from his body. You bite your lip when his nose bumps into the back of your head.

“Are you sure about this?”

“You already asked me that,” you reply, letting your head fall back on his shoulder. You want so badly to tell him to tell you what to do. That you don’t want to make any decisions. Brain is worn out. That you want to please him, and not think. Oh, to be a freshmen simply sponging up information.

“I know,” he slides his hands to your biceps and turns you around. “I can check in again, can’t I? He cups your face when you nod. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes, please,” you have to stop yourself from saying something incriminating, like mister Pike, or sir, or professor.

You clutch the front of his button down to anchor yourself when his lips brush yours. His mouth is soft. It coaxes you to open so he can dive into you, his tongue swipes your bottom lip, and you respond by pressing into him. You stay pliant under him, letting him lead. Your legs feel on the verge of collapse when you break away. You can’t stand it anymore.

“I want to suck your cock.”

Both of you freeze. For a second you wonder if you’ve given him a heart attack. But you watched his thighs on the car ride back and couldn’t stop thinking about kneeling between them. Your mouth waters. Marcus can’t breathe. He’s straining against his zipper. After your declaration he wants it too.

“Okay, honey,” he breathes. He brushes your ear with his thumb. “If that’s what you want, we’ll do that.”

He tries to draw you backward toward his room where he can turn on a lamp and properly pay tribute to your body, but you pull him back. You tug him to his mid-century armchair - he has the twin to it in his office. His mouth goes dry. You have to know. He looks into your face, and from the way you’ve averted your eyes, you know.

“Please?” you say. It sounds like a sob.

From this close you can smell the vanilla and bergamot of his soap. He sits, waiting for you. When you don’t move he holds his hand out for you to take.

“Come here, honey,” he draws you close. The top of your dress swings a little and he groans when he sees the break of your dress to what he thought were tights. Marcus studies your face in the second hand street light - your mouth parted, your eyes blown wide. Your hand in his is hot. “Hey, if this is overwhelming, or not what you want-”

“It is,” you correct him.

“Tell me what’s wrong then,” he requests. You feel pained. If you don’t say it now you never will.

“Tell me what to do.” Your head aches from the stress of carrying it for so long. “I’ve had to make my own decisions for months, and I don’t want to anymore. Just - for five minutes-” you bring your hands to your cheeks and press them against your hot skin. You watch as he realizes what you want. He nods in slow motion.

“Okay,” he says. “Kneel for me.” He gets even harder when you sink to your knees. Your hands rest in your lap. Waiting. He can’t believe this is happening. Thank goodness he’s going back to the Bureau in three months. He couldn’t face the other faculty - fuck, your advisor - after this. Leaning forward he cups your chin and kisses you. You squeeze your thighs together. He kisses your ear and says lowly, “take my cock out, honey. I want you to suck me off.”

When you take him in your mouth as far as you can, you look into his face. His mouth has fallen open. His ears have turned red from flushing. It’s indescribable. It makes your mouth water further around his hard length. It’s heavy on your tongue. You move up and down his shaft leisurely, trying to savor it. Letting saliva run down onto his skin as your tongue works the spongy head. You reach up to work the base with your hand when he tells you ‘no’.

“Just your mouth.” Fuck. You moan around him as a ripple pulls from deep in your core. The vibrations of you moaning make him jolt and heave. For a few moments he apologies while you breathe deeply, then resume. You take a mouthful of him. It’s feasting. It’s mindless.

His fingers brush the side of your face, and tenderly cups the back of your head. You want to make him understand this is what you want. So you slide down as far as you can comfortably, and wait. Swallowing thickly around his length

“Fuck, honey,” he groans. He gets it, taking both hands and moving your head the pace he wants. You can tell he hasn’t been asked for this often. Maybe ever. You close your eyes and just feel. His cock filling your mouth. Aches forming around your jaw. Tears leaking out of your eyes from your concentration. Your pussy wetting through your underwear. Marcus pulling your hair. You swallow hard, then he stops. And pushes you off.

You whine in protest.

“I hear you, honey,” he says softly. His voice is hoarse. “Another time. I want you to unwind right now.” Your pussy clenches.

He takes you back to his bedroom and helps you undress. He lifts your dress over your head, and kneels to help you out of your thigh highs. One day, if you’ll let him, he’ll fuck you with them on, but he likes to see all of a woman the first time he does anything to her. He kisses the bit of skin above the waistband of your panties before standing to kiss your lips. Your help him push them down your hips until they fall to your ankles. The soft gasp he lets out at the sight of your underwear and bare body is nothing short of gluttonous.

“Lay down.”

He strips while you watch. He does it without taking his eyes off of you. There’s hunger in them. This man has an appetite, you know it. The fabric rustles pleasantly between the sound of both of you breathing. Far away, ambulance sirens blare in another neighborhood, but here in his apartment the wet sound of cars passing in the rainy street are the closest accompaniment.

“I want to touch you here,” he tells you, palming your sex and making you squeak. It’s so forward.

“Do it,” you breathe, and part your legs further for him. He leans in and kisses your temple, murmuring ‘good girl’ and you swear you could black out.

You’re already so wet when his fingers part your folds to greet the new territory. “Did sucking my cock get you wet?” He sounds amazed. He tastes one fingertip before putting it back to tease your folds. “I wonder how wet you would be just holding it in your mouth while you read.”

“Oh-” a ripple works down your spine. He smirks. The tip of his finger brushes just inside your lips to tease your entrance.

“I’m going to put my fingers in you. You,” he pauses to kiss your cheek, “relax. You earned it.” He rubs his nose up and down yours, and you nudge him back just as he slips one long finger into you. You’re glad he’s being sweet like this. It’s the perfect blend of firmness and care. You want him to dominate you one someday, maybe, but right here and now, the combination of his low voice and steady fingers is ideal. Marcus kisses your cheek and mouth as he works his finger in and out of you. It’s thick and reaches further than you ever could. You spread your legs even further to tell him, more.

Without removing his hand he moves down your body to lick your clit. He sucks and flicks it as he coaxes more wetness out of your leaking cunt. Carefully he pulls the finger out and presses his wet hand to the inside of your thigh to keep you open. He laps into you, covering the muscles with lubricant because you’re going to need it. You see his face just as he decides you’re ready; it’s contemplative, like he’s concentrating. Then he slides two fingers deep into you.

“Oh, fuck, that’s so fucking good,” your voice crescendos. You reach for his shoulder as he comes up to lie beside you. His skin is warm under your palm. You buck your hips looking for something else, seeking, wanting-

“Stay still.” You still immediately. “Just feel it, baby. I want you to be ready for me.” You know what he means. His cock is thick and smearing against your hip. He was big in your mouth, he’s going to be big while pushing into you. His fingers keep moving while he kisses the tips of your nipples. When he takes one between his teeth and tugs you break. Your mouth opens, and your legs clamp reflexively around his wrist. Your pussy gushes around his fingers - you can feel it. You can feel how his movements change from a drag as a slide. He keeps pumping. He doesn’t give up until he’s sure you’ve felt every aftershock. He’d love to take his time and work a third in one day - if he can - but tonight, he wants to move on. After you swallowed his cock in his sitting room chair he’s been thinking of rewarding you.

You feel him slip his fingers out, and roll away to the nightstand. He looks back at you, and his eyes soften a little before he asks, “do you want me to use a condom?”

“No,” you say and reach for his bicep to pull him back toward you. He comes willingly. “I have an IUD. And I’m clean.” He smiles, flinging the packet over his shoulder. It makes you giggle, but it sounds hysterical to your ears. You watch him reach down and pump his cock with the hand that was just inside you. You close your eyes and take a deep breath.

“Look at me,” he orders. Your eyes snap open. Marcus crashes his lips on yours. The hand not dripping from your cunt cups the back of your head. “I want to see your eyes while I fuck you.”

His blunt head breaks into you, you lose all thought. He sinks further in, until you’re squirming on his length because he’s stretching you. You suck air in and will your body will stay still like he suggested for his fingers. You look into Marcus’s eyes the whole time, trying to tell him how good he feels. You can’t make the words leave your throat. He pulls your head to him, kisses your mouth until you compose yourself and lie still. Then he gets to work. The breadth of him stills you anew. For the first time in months you fully relax, hardly making a sound as he thrusts steadily. You stare into Marcus’s eyes while your mouth falls open as he slides into you, and listen to the wet sounds of your pussy and the bed frame creaking.

Then he starts talking.

“Do you know how good you look in those blue trousers? I want to grab your ass every time you wear them,” he rumbles. His pace picks up a hair, and he feels harder in you somehow. He drops to his forearm. “I love watching it when you walk out of my office.” You knew it. “And that damn cardigan you never wear a shirt under? Those buttons slip right open, don’t they?” He punctuates it with a deep thrust that makes you squeak. “Answer me.”

“Yes.”

“Wear it over for dinner. I’ll bite your tits through it.”

He fucks into you harder, sending shivers up your spine with every thrust. It moves you up the bed until you have to reach a hand up and press back against the headboard. You clutch him with the other, looping around his shoulder to feel the muscles in his arms pull and tug as he moves in you, working you up to another release Soon enough, the coil in your belly tightens and he reaches to worry your clit with deft fingers. His eyes never leave you. You think this man could make the hardest fuck feel like making love.

“I need more,” you tell him. You’re too embarrassed to ask for what you want. A tear leaks out of your eye because his thickness is so good, but you want something else too. You always underestimate him. He grins because he knows - he’s a detective. He figured it out. He leans down to rest his forehead on your temple.

“You’re doing so well,” he says. You arch up into him, your breasts brush his chest. “Your wet pussy is so sweet. It’s taking me so well. Are you gonna be respectful? Gonna listen?” You have to hold your breath as your hips tense. “Be good and come on my cock.” Oh fuck. “Say it.”

Your voice is wet with joy. “Yes, sir.”

“Such a good girl.”

Sparks lick up your back and through your cunt, forcing Marcus deeper into when you lift your lips. He slows to let you enjoy all your release. He kisses your neck, your jaw, your lips. Then when he hears your content sigh, he buries his face in your neck and chases his own release. He comes with an accompanying rumble from deep in his chest. You moan in return and lift your lips to catch him as he slumps, barely holding his weight off of you.

Water runs in the washroom as you tug the sheets back. The light clicks off, and Marcus appears with a washcloth. His dimple appears when you lean back and let him clean your tender flesh. He sits on the edge of the bed next to your hips, running his knuckles on the soft side of your breast.

“Stay the night,” says. “I’ll cook you breakfast.”

“Hm,” you say, mock contemplative. You run your fingers down his chest. He preens under the affection. “I will. I feel really good.” Your cheeks tingle at the admission. He smiles wide and bright.

He comes back from putting the cloth in the hamper. You roll so he can run his hands the length of your side

“Thank you,” you murmur. He lifts his face from where he’s been peppering your waist with kisses. His brow is furrowed in amused confusion. “For being good to me. For caring about what happened to me.” You’ll tell him the horror stories your friends have from their college another time.

He sighs and cups your cheek. “I like doing it. You’re bright. Supporting you is a privilege. Especially when I know that brain is going to put us all to shame one day.” You could cry.

“I’ve liked you since the body farm,” you admit. He wrinkles his nose. “I know. Not very romantic.”

“I liked you since you thought my campus ID was more official than my FBI badge.”

“I didn’t think that!”

“Get some sleep,” he says. A wicked glint comes to his eye. “I am going to wear you out before lunch.” You wiggle to get comfortable in the sheets and he curls over your back to hold you to his chest.

Orange light peeks through the gap in his blackout drapes. You eye him over your shoulder then settle into the pillow. All the tension in your shoulders is gone.

part 2

#marcus pike #marcus pike fanfiction #the mentalist #marcus pike x reader #marcus pike x you #reader insert #fanfiction #writing #the mentalist fanfiction #I took some liberties with UT's school of anthros forensics lab #it does exist #DO NOT LOOK UP PICTURES #IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH #DON'T DO IT #I AM NOT SQUEAMISH AND DO RESEARCH WITH CADAVERS #BUT IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH #DONT #DO #IT

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deceitfuldevil · 4 years ago

Text

Snap Out of It!

Pietro Maximoff X Reader

Summary: You grew up with the Maximoff twins, even agreed to be experimented on at HYDRA with them. You and Pietro were clearly falling for each other the older you got, but HYDRA sent you away and told the Maximoff’s you were dead. So what happens when you show up at the Avengers compound with no memory of your past?

Warnings: a little bit of angst I think?? Mentions of bombs, HYDRA experiments, some fluff and kissing ;)

Word Count: 3.69K

You were born during the start of a terrible war in your home country, and about two months later your parents introduced you to a new set of twins who lived just a few doors down from you. Of course you don’t actually remember meeting them, but your earliest memories were all filled with the Maximoff twins. You practically grew up right alongside them, you three did everything together. Birthdays, playdates, dinner when your parents weren’t home, all of it. It was also nice to grow up alongside others who were your age, especially when your country was at such a low place; it was a good distraction.

You were 10 years old when your apartment complex was bombed, your father had just walked in the door coming home from work. He and your mom fell into the hole in the floor immediately, that was the last time you ever saw them. You sat curled up in a ball in the far left corner of what used to be your kitchen. Frozen with fear and trauma for two days, until you were rescued. You were brought down to a large police van, the doors were opened for you and you saw two other children huddled together under a blanket, both of them immediately turned to see you and screamed with joy. It was your best friends, the Maximoffs. You ran into the van and hugged them immediately, all of you breaking down into tears. You sat in the back of the van together and chatted about the bombing. The main question on your mind was “are there any survivors?” but as it turned out, not only were you and the Maximoff twins the only children that survived. You three ended up being the three lone survivors of the entire apartment complex. Newspapers printed out articles on “the miracle trio” for weeks to come.

From that day on you three jumped from homeless shelter to homeless shelter, never once being allowed to stay in once place for too long. You even agreed to volunteer for HYDRA’s experiments with Wanda and Pietro when you were all 17. You tried to stay in communication with your friends but HYDRA made that near impossible with their constant experiments and isolations. The time you did get to spend with the Maximoffs was cherished, especially your time with Pietro. You two were definitely drawn to each other as you grew into your mid teens, but you never truly allowed anything serious to happen in fear of how Wanda might react.

About a year into your experiments at HYDRA, you gained healing like abilities along with some telepathy as well. After learning and controlling these powers you were excited for when you got to see Wanda and Pietro next to see what powers they had gained. But you never got the chance. HYDRA saw more use in you than petty armed fights, and shipped you off to god knows where and gave you the improved and experimental “super-soldier” serum. HYDRA informed Wanda and Pietro that the experiments became too much for you, that you were weak and had passed on. Pietro cried for days on end, and Wanda could hear him every night from her neighboring cell. Thinking you were dead killed his spirit, his soul. He never even got to tell you how he really felt. That you were so much more than just a fling to him. Meanwhile you trained for months on end and every week and were forced to have shock therapy to erase your past memories. HYDRA was making you into nothing more than a weapon, a shell of a person. After a few successful missions, that's all you were good for. So if you weren’t out on business, you were put under cryo-sleep. This went on for years.

It wasn't until 3 weeks after the battle of Sokovia when Sam had been questioning Wanda and Pietro about their time with HYDRA, he was able to locate another one of their secret human experiment facilities. Steve was hoping they’d make a break in that missing persons case of his but to no avail. However, they did find one abandoned soldier in cryo-freeze. You.

Now, of course it took months of isolation and small bits of normal human activity and interaction to erase what HYDRA had brainwashed you into. After about 4 1/2 months Tony decided it was time to move you into the new compound, but kept you restricted to your room. Others were allowed to visit you if they’d like, it was encouraged really. Get you the human interaction you needed.

Three days and no visits later, which you didn’t mind. It was nice being isolated somewhere with TV service.

Clint walked over to the kitchen island where Wanda and Pietro were having a conversation over a snack.

“Either of you meet the newest recruit yet? I hear she’s still in isolation.”

“There’s a... new recruit?” Pietro said, his accent thick as he spoke with a questioning tone.

“Yeah, Y/N something. Found her in cryo-freeze at that HYDRA base we raided a few months ago.”

Wanda froze, immediately looking to her brother who looked like a deer caught in headlights.

“Pietro... it can’t be her. You remember how she died in trials” Wanda tried to reason with her still love stricken brother after all these years.

“That’s what they told us, what if they lied? It wouldn’t be the first time.”

She just shook her head “it’s impossible, do you even think she’d still remember you?” Wanda inquired.

“There’s only one way to find out!” Pietro said, speeding off leaving a trail of blue streaks behind him.

He busted through the lab doors and stood about 5 feet from Tony, breathless. “What’s her name? Her full name.”

“Okay speedy, next time knock, yeah? And half of our team here is “her’s” so I haven’t the slightest clue who you’re talking about.” Tony spoke calmly, but frustrated that Pietro bursted in out of nowhere.

“The new recruit, Y/N.”

Tony looked over to the quick man and quirked a brow at him

“Well you’ve already got half her name down. She’s Y/N L/N, an ex HYDRA super soldier. You should go visit her actually, she just moved into the compound a few days ago. No ones even visited her y—“

“Where is she staying? what room is she in?” He asked, cutting Tony off.

“Floor 2, room 315... you know it’s impolite to cut off your—“ but before Tony could finish, Pietro had sped off again.

You sat into your room watching an old sitcom from the 2000s you felt drawn to. But before you could invest yourself any further there was a knock at your door. Something you weren’t used to. You hesitantly spoke, “come in” you said sitting up in your bed, fixing your hair a little in the process.

A silver haired man slowly walked in, he had broad shoulders and a toned body. He was attractive, no doubt. But he almost looked familiar to you. Why?

“Hello dragâ” he spoke with a Eastern Europe accent, but one not one you could exactly pinpoint. But you recognized the foreign word he spoke

“Hello... domnule. How do you know Russian... and why have you come to visit?” You questioned, swinging your legs over the side of your bed. The man at your door, he looked sad now. His face fell, but you didn’t understand why.

“You don’t remember me?” He walked closer to you, as you stood up from your bed.

“Well I don’t remember much after HYDRA brainwashed the hell out of me” you said with a slight chuckle, but he still looked disappointed.

“But maybe if you tell me your name and why I should remember you” you said with a smirk, stepping closer to the handsome man that stood in front of you.

“Can I show you instead?” He said, stepping so close that now your chests were touching. You enjoyed the human interaction but with your past training, this still left you on edge.

“Show me?” You questioned, but he took this rather as the go-ahead and snaked a hand around your waist and leaned down, placing a soft kiss on your lips. You wanted to melt into his touch but it was all too soon, and you didn’t even know his name. You pulled away abruptly and slapped him. Backing away as you sat back down on your bed and stared at your hands.

“Please leave.” You said just as quietly as you said when you allowed him to come in. When you looked up, the mysterious man was gone; your door left a crack open.

No one visited you for five more days after that. It was early into the evening and you sat alone in your room reading a book. There was a knock at your door but you didn’t answer it. The last time you agreed to let someone in they violated your boundaries. But regardless your door was still opened, but a new person you had yet to meet walked through.

She stood a bit taller than you and had long red hair, a kind smile and warm eyes.

“I hope I am not intruding.” She said, with the same accent as the man who invaded on your days before. Which again, put you on edge.

“Who are you?” You said, keeping your eyes on your book— desperately avoiding eye contact.

“Wanda Maximoff, but you can just call me Wanda.” She said sweetly

“Oh how sweet of you” you said dryly, still bitter over your last encounter with someone in the avengers compound.

“All you remember is pain” she said in an as-a-matter-of-fact kind of way. “But that’s not all you know, you just need to remember.” You now dared to look up at her. She was still at the door, keeping her distance from you.

“And how am I supposed to remember what you think I know?” You asked, and she took a step closer to your bed.

“I don’t think, I see. I can see inside your head, they did unspeakable things to you. Made you carry out violent missions that still haunt your dreams. You’ve forgotten what you know, your life before them...” Wanda paused, your eyes welled up gently with tears but you refused to let them fall. But she noticed.

“I think I can help you, if you’d let me” she took another step towards you, waiting for your reaction. But you stayed silent, fighting with yourself internally.

“We used to be friends, you know. You, my brother and I. He came to visit you a few days ago, and he knows what he did was wrong. He just missed you terribly. We have similar pasts. I want to help you, but if you don’t want my help. That is okay too. Regardless of what you choose, I still want to be your friend.”

You took a deep breath and stood up out of your bed. “How will you do it?” You asked, wanting nothing more than to feel normal again.

“A little bit of my magic, a little bit of love, and a lot of stories.” She smiled sweetly, taking your hand in hers. “I’ll be right back, okay?” You nodded quickly as Wanda left your room. You sat back down on your bed and racked your head wondering what you were about to learn about yourself. Wanda came back in with a fairly large box labeled “amintiri” which you knew meant “memories” in Romanian.

“Is everyone here Russian like me?” You questioned, giving Wanda a laugh “no, just my brother and I. Coincidentally, the only two who have visited you since you moved here.” You frowned slightly at her comment

“Why has no one else come to visit me?”

Wanda sighed “no one else knows you like my brother and I do. All they know is what you have done in your past, and that scares them.” She took the lid off the box she brought in and picked up a stack of photos that were tied together with a rubber band.

“But lucky for you, Pietro and I know more.” She said with a smile

“Pietro?” You said, quirking your head to the side a bit.

“He is my twin brother, the one who visited you last week. You two have... a history of sorts together. But we’ll get into that later.”

So with that, for some reason, you felt that everything was going to be okay.

And okay it was. Wanda showed you hundreds of pictures everyday and told the story behind every picture she pulled. Although you didn’t remember any of the memories she retold, it was still nice to hear what your life was like before HYDRA.

A week and a half later, she used her powers on you. At the time you remembered nothing, but later that night when she was showing you more pictures you pulled one picture out of the box. It was three little kids, all surrounding a brown chest that seemed to be filled with various sitcoms on VHS tape.

“This was on your 9th birthday, your father had bought a chest full of old American sitcoms. Not only did you love comedy but our family saw it as a great way to practice your English. Your favorite was The Dick Van Dyke Show.” You immediately recalled with great memory as you picked up the picture. Wanda jumped with joy and hugged you.

“You remembered!!” You nodded happily and hugged her back. “I remembered...” you said back quietly, almost in shock of yourself.

From then on memories came back to you not only easier but also a lot quicker. Soon enough, you remembered everything HYDRA had tried to erase out of your head. Even your feelings for Pietro. But you kept those memories to yourself, afraid that he would hate you after your first encounter with him when you came to the compound.

The last step Wanda had for you in what she called “Becoming You Again Project” was to have dinner with the rest of the compound, and finally be properly introduced to them.

So a dinner you all had. It was casual, but still felt formal as everyone greeted you so politely. Of course Wanda kept them all updated on your status. Even though they hadn’t met you yet, with her seal of approval they all trusted you now.

The last person to greet you was a face you could never forget now. Pietro Maximoff.

“Y/n... I know you’ve met a thousand times before, but I’d like you to meet my brother, Pietro.” Wanda said, elbowing her brother to stop staring at you and shake your hand. You felt weak at the knees under his gaze, was this how he’s always made you feel?

Pietro bowed down before you like you were some kind of princess and kissed your hand sweetly.

“Hello again, dragoste mia“ you felt hot under his touch and knew you were turning a beet red. You nodded quickly and smiled at him. He looked up and winked at you, walking to his seat. Which almost dreadfully, was directly across from yours.

After that you all sat down for dinner, Pepper had made a nice pasta dish for everyone. You ate quietly as everyone went around and told you stories of all kinds. Of past missions together, of personal life stories, and so much more. Truly it was a very enjoyable time. You loved getting to know everyone more than the files you were left in your room to “get to know the avenger” as Tony called it.

The night was almost perfect, if you hadn’t felt the gaze of a very familiar Sokovian man on you all night. He never even spoke, not that he had many stories to tell that you weren’t there for. The more stories that were told, the more you tuned them out and fell victim to his gaze.

But when the room fell quiet and you realized everyone's eyes were on you, you snapped out of whatever trance Pietro held you captive in and laughed nervously.

“I’m sorry, what did I miss? My mind was... somewhere else.” A few others laughed awkwardly, it was no doubt that everyone else noticed the constant looks you and Pietro were sharing. Tony stood up abruptly taking it upon himself to avoid the awkward silence.

“It was nothing important, Y/n. Anyways I believe this dinner was long overdue and very welcomed. We will be seeing you at training tomorrow?” Tony asked, starting to clear up his place.

“She can start on Monday, Tony. Let the kid have the weekend before she officially becomes an avenger, yeah?” Steve said, also standing up. Tony looked back at you and said “Captain's orders kid, see you Monday.” He said walking off, plate in hand. The others followed suit as you said your thank you’s for the warm welcome and goodnights to everyone.

Even if you didn’t make the dinner, you insisted on cleaning up. It was a nice way for you to feel helpful and to debrief after the dinner. Wanda left you alone and you cleaned the dishes happily while F.R.I.D.A.Y played some tunes for you.

“Mind if I lend you a hand, printsessa?” You heard a thick accent call out. You turned around to see none other than Pietro standing at the kitchen island with a smirk on his face.

“You’re not afraid of me?” You asked in a playful tone, although you weren’t entirely joking.

“Hardly, you could choke the life out of me and I’d say thank you.” He said, cheekiness radiating in his voice. You only laughed at his comment shaking your head.

“But just so you know, I used to do the choking in this relationship.” He said, daring to step closer to you. Your legs felt like jelly but you challenged him.

“Oh did you now? It’s a shame I don’t remember that.” You said teasingly

“But you remember other things? You remember me? Us? What we were?” His tone remained challenging, but his words were serious. You flirty front dropped at this, a small fear that he didn’t feel the same now coming back to eat you alive. You didn’t answer, rather turning back around to finish off the last of the dishes.

“You do remember me, and the times we shared together... no?” He said, carefully coming beside you.

“How could I forget? Of all the memories I was able to recall, those were the best” you said half-heartedly... not meaning to sound so bitter.

“But surely you’ve moved on...” you said quietly, staring at the dish you scrubbed aggressively in your hand.

“Oh dragâ mea” he said, taking a risk and placing one of his hands at the side of your face, gently forcing you to look at him.

“I never believed them when they told us you had failed your trials and passed on. I knew you were stronger than that, and the memories of what we had, kept me strong enough to escape from those bastards. I always had hope that you were still out there.”

You smiled brightly and tears brimmed your eyes, only this time you weren’t afraid to let them fall.

“I never stopped loving you, Y/n. Even when I thought you were dead.” And there went your tears, falling down your face as you turned to fully face Pietro as you wrapped your soapy hands around his neck.

“I love you too Pietro, the memories I have with you are the best ones I’ve remembered since I came back.”

He laughed lightly and brought his forehead to yours “so glad to hear you finally snapped out it, my love.”

“How could I have been so blind? I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you when you first visited me.” You admitted shyly

“It’s okay, I waited so patiently for years. A few more weeks wasn’t going to kill me” you laughed as your noses touched. His breath was fanning over your face and you didn’t dare break your eyes away from his.

“If you can promise not to slap me... we could always try that kiss again?” He said slyly, but you only sighed happily.

“I promise.” And that was all he needed. Pietro closed the small space between the two of you and pressed his soft lips to yours. The moment was nothing but pure bliss as you inhaled his sweet scent.

You pulled away somewhat reluctantly and smiled up at the man in front of you.

“Does that mean we’re together again?” He asked kindly

“Oh yeah, and good luck getting rid of me this time speedy.” You joked, tangling your fingers in the ends of his hair at the back of his neck.

“I wouldn’t dream of it, dragosté” he said, leaning down and bringing you in for a much more passionate kiss.

—

A/N

Ahhh hi everyone!! I truly haven't gotten this many imagines out in years and it feels so good. I turned on “The Greatest Showman” and five minutes later was struck with inspiration and somehow came up with this, which is actually kind of based off the song “Snap Out of It” by the Arctic Monkeys. I’ve been so obsessed with Pietro Maximoff/Arron Taylor Johnson lately, honestly it's ridiculous. Anyways I really hope you all enjoyed this imagine and remember, feedback is always welcomed and requests are encouraged!

Much Love,

—Skyler

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viperbarnes · 4 years ago

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The Tie That Binds – [Two of Eight]

[B. Barnes, Soulmate AU]

Summary: HYDRA took everything from you, your life, your future, they even burned off your soulmark to make sure nobody would go looking for you. Now the man they forced you to fix reappears in your life, to make amends and to be ‘of service’.

You know that they made him do all those things, that James ‘Bucky’ Barnes is not The Winter Soldier, that he’s innocent. You don’t blame him.

But that doesn’t make seeing him again any easier.

Warnings: Panic attacks, language, talk and depiction of home invasion and abduction, canon level violence, HYDRA levels of torture, angst, fluff, slow-ish burn, friends to lovers.

Note: This is entirely un-beta'd so all mistakes are my own. Thank you for reading!

<- Prev / Next ->

The room is cold enough that you can see your breath in the air. Around you, the low hum of activity signals the debrief after a mission well-done, various personnel seeing to their jobs as you do yours.

The Winter Soldier sits as still as a statue in the chair set out for him, already waiting when you’d arrived. You’d been in the middle of some of the best sleep you’d had in weeks when your cell door had flung open, and you’d been unceremoniously dragged from your bed. Even though they blindfolded you every time, by now you knew the way to the debrief room by heart.

You aren’t sure how long they’ve had you, time passes strangely when you only ever saw the inside of a cell. You’d attempted to keep track at first, but eventually you’d lost count of how many days had passed, or if they had at all… for all you know, you’d been counting nights, anyway.

It must have been years at this point.

You work quietly on the Soldier’s arm, the incredible piece of machinery and engineering the only bright spot in your confined life, but even that had worn thin some time ago. You were never permitted to really look at it, just fix any faults or problems that it had. And it certainly had its faults. After you’d first been taken, and you’d realised there was no way you were ever leaving here alive, you’d tried to make do, to make the best of your situation.

After every mission, the Soldier would need repairs made to the artificial limb which, while an astounding piece of biomechanical engineering, seemed to be oddly fragile. You had kept yourself busy, thinking up ways to improve elements of the arm, so that it wouldn't need so many repairs, but when you had approached someone vaguely in charge about it, you’d been told to keep your mouth shut.

Interestingly, a few of your proposed improvements seemed to present the next time you’d worked on him, though, none were executed in ways that made them truly useful.

You keep your head down as you work, eager to finish as soon as possible. You didn’t often pay much mind to the goings-on around you when you were called to service, but the heated conversation happening several meters away from where you sat beside the Soldier put you on edge.

A man in a suit and a man in nondescript military fatigues seemed to be having a barely civil discussion, moving in and out of English, and what you think may be Russian. The man in the military fatigues was one you’d seen plenty of times before. He never spoke to you directly, but the soldiers and guards of the facility responded to him like the lash of a whip. You’d heard him referred to as Karpov, and you can only assume he was in command of this facility.

The man in the suit however, you’d only seen a few times, and only ever in the debrief room when the Soldier had returned from a mission. He was American, his accent made that much clear, but further than that you didn’t know.

You’re still leant over the metal limb, several of its outer panels peeled open and removed so that you may access the mechanics inside, when the heated conversation gets nearer. You flinch at the movement out of the corner of your vision, causing your tweezers to tap into a wire that they really shouldn’t. The result is a small spark, and a slight shock for your ‘patient’, and though he doesn’t move an inch, when you hiss at your own mistake, and swivel your eyes up worriedly, you find he’s dipped his chin enough to watch you out of the corner of his eye.

You can’t tell if he’s glaring or not, his face always sullen and morose, but briefly you feel the urge to apologise.

You don’t however, fearing a reprimand from either of the arguing men who still near.

“You hide behind that book, Karpov.” The American man shakes his head.

“Without me and my book, you are nothing.” Karpov all but spits back. You feel your body stiffen as they begin to circle around the Soldier, and you by extension.

“Is that right?” The American man taunts, stopping on the other side of the chair to you and planting his feet. He crosses his arms over his chest.

“Солдат, убей ее.” He commands in perfect Russian.

Before you can even register what is happening, there is a hand around your throat, forcing you back and up, until your feet have left the ground. A crashing sound joins the sudden chaos, your small workbench of tools upended and scattered over the concrete floor, all other personnel in the room backing themselves against walls or desks as they watch on in shock and surprise.

You can only gasp as your airway is constricted, and you’re left to claw pathetically at the hand that has raised you from the ground. Fear and adrenaline fuel your futile fight, and you look desperately to Karpov, who watches on in thinly veiled horror.

Your eyes feel ready to pop from their sockets, your ears filled with nothing but the sound of your own blood when you’re suddenly released, dropping to the ground like a sack of bricks.

You gasp for air, the cold burning your throat and lungs as you drink it down. You scurry back out of pure instinct, spluttering and terrified, sending your fallen tools even further in every direction.

The American turns to his companion, a smug expression smeared across his features. You can’t hear what he says, your senses still too scrambled to pick it up properly, but he gestures to you, leaving Karpov with some final words before he turns on his heel and leaves.

You’re still shaking, gasping for air in terror when Karpov finally turns back to you.

He orders you to finish your work, and then he leaves.

You wake with a soft gasp.

Swallowing thickly, you force your eyes shut again as you take in several deep breaths, calming yourself as best you can. Unable to help yourself, you lift a hand to delicately touch your throat, where the bruises from your dream feel all too real for several seconds, before they fade into memory.

You could have died then, you’re sure of it. All your suffering, all the effort HYDRA went into seeking you out, it would have amounted to nothing. And for what? A petty power play?

It makes you feel small, which makes you angry.

You know they were an evil Nazi organisation and all, but they’d upended your entire life, completely ruined any semblance of normalcy you could ever hope to have again, and they hadn’t even had the decency to act as if you weren’t replaceable.

For all you did know about HYDRA and it’s going ons, there was so much you didn’t know. After you’d been freed, you hadn’t gone out of your way to seek out information, everything you knew was everything you’d found out about during your court hearings.

When Captain Rogers had brought down SHIELD and HYDRA, there had been a dozen raids on known facilities, the one you’d been at at the time being one of them. But bureaucracy would be bureaucracy and they’d had to officially investigate and clear your name before you were truly free to go.

There wasn’t much question about your innocence though, HYDRA hadn’t really bothered to code any of their notes or files on you or your capture.

By the time they’d let you go, you were more than willing to disappear and never hear about HYDRA or SHIELD or anything else to do with it ever again.

You’d managed it for almost seven years, too, until The Winter Soldie– Bucky– had shown up.

You chew on your lip and glare up at your ceiling, and then, with a hefty sigh, you reach for your phone on the nightstand, and the slip of paper tucked beneath it.

---

Once more, you marvel that the man before you is the same as the one who occasionally haunted your dreams.

It was rather incredible what simple expression could do to change a face.

Bucky Barnes sits in the corner of the coffeeshop looking both innocuous and extremely out of place as he fiddles with the gloves he still wears. His distraction must be true, because he only notices you once you’re already halfway to the booth, his face lighting up with recognition. For a moment he looks as though he might stand up to greet you, but you give him no time to do so, quickly sliding yourself in across from him with a thin smile.

“Thank you for meeting me.” You greet, settling yourself into the seat. Bucky waves you off with a shake of his head and seems to adjust himself in his place.

“Of course… is something wrong…?”

It’s strange to you, that you can pick out nervousness in his voice, that he would let himself be so readable, but then you wonder if he even realises. You give him another thin smile and shake your head, but reach for the menu.

“No. Nothing is wrong. Have you ordered?”

After two coffees are delivered to your table, yours a simple latte, and his a caramel mocha with marshmallows that you have to raise your brow at, you settle in once more and focus on why you’d asked him to come.

“You said… when you approached me, you said you were trying to make amends…?” You say, but it comes out more like a question than you intend. Bucky’s brows knit together and he nods.

“To be of service.” He confirms. A part of you bristles at that, a part that thinks he’s done quite enough of serving others for one lifetime, but you brush the thought aside.

“I– I thought of something that maybe you could help me with…” You aren’t expecting his face to light up the way it does, or for him to lean forward almost unwittingly. Momentarily you’re reminded of a very good dog.

“I don’t know much about HYDRA. Or why they did what they did… but I want to know.” You find yourself unable to meet his eye fully as you say this, instead focusing on gently turning your coffee cup around in place on its saucer.

“If you have questions, I’ll answer everything I know.” Bucky tells you a moment later. Something in his voice makes you feel as though he understood, and you wonder if he’d felt the same at some point. You look up at him briefly, grateful for the lack of judgement.

“Do you remember everything that you did? Were you aware of what was happening, or does it just feel sort of dream-like now?” You can’t help but blurt out seconds later, as if the opportunity might be gone in a few few minutes. Bucky blinks, and you can see him restraining the small quirk of his lips as he takes a sip from his cup and places it back down again.

“It’s a little bit of both. I remember everything, but it does feel ‘dream-like’, in retrospect.” He tells you.

“Who was Karpov?” Your next question makes him pause, a brief, almost undetectable flash of disgust and anger crossing his features before he clears his throat and speaks again.

“A Soviet, then Russian intelligence officer… He ran the program for a time…” Bucky frowns as he speaks. You nod, having thought as much.

“He’s dead, now.” He adds after a moment, and you glance up at him questioningly.

“Wasn’t me.”

You proceed to poke and prod at his brain for the next hour, and to his credit, he answers every single one of your questions as best he can. Even subjects that you think he may not normally broach, or things that seem like they might be classified, he tells you honestly.

You’ve both gone through two coffees when you’re finally coming to the end of your questioning, your mind filled up with more information than you could possibly hope to remember at length, but that wasn’t the point.

The odd ease you’d felt the last time, when he’d shadowed you around the grocery store, is gone. You no longer felt as though he posed some kind of threat, which was ridiculous, because the sheer size of him should have instilled that in you. The fact that you had so many traumatic memories tied to him should have sealed the deal, but somehow, it’s like none of that mattered.

That in itself gives off its own unease.

You feel like you’re in a constant limbo.

A comfortable silence had settled between you since your last question (and answer), and you watch Bucky finish off his drink. He’d removed his gloves halfway through your talk, and you’d done your best to steer your eyes away from the shiny black and gold of his new metal limb. Now though, you find your curiosity piqued at the sight of a strange black mark on the underside of his wrist, only visible when his sleeve pulls back just so.

You’d never noticed it before, though why would you have? You were always too focused on his metal limb. It makes you wonder though, which leads you to staring at your own hand, at the discreet lumpy white scar on the back of your palm.

“Do you know why they removed my soulmark?” The question comes quieter than all the others, and you don’t look at him as you ask it, though you see from the corner of your eye that he stops and stares down at your hand too.

He doesn’t reply at first, and you almost think he may not have heard you. When you do look up at him, he seems to jump, blinking rapidly and tearing his gaze from your hand.

“My guess is they didn’t want any loose ends…” He says slowly, but frowns.

“They didn’t remove yours?” You nod to his wrist, which he looks down at, clearly resisting the urge to cover it up again.

“They tried… but the serum… I guess it prevented them from doing any last damage to it.” Bucky tells you, finally meeting your eye again. He looked pained, but you don’t understand why. It wasn’t as though he really did lose his mark. Not like you.

For a brief few moments a burning jealousy overcomes you.

It wasn’t fair! It wasn’t fair that he should keep his and you should lose yours! You would forever be left wondering, no matter how much you healed from your ordeal, you would forever be left with the scars of it, unable to truly move past it.

You stare down at your hand again and feel the anger fuel you.

“They took everything from me. My life, my career… even love,” You wave your hand briefly before scoffing and shoving it into your lap. You didn’t want to look at it anymore. You didn’t want anybody to look at it anymore. Bucky sits quietly, face drawn into an intense scowl.

“I should hate you. I want to, believe me…” You purse your lips and shake your head, blinking away any tears that spring to your eyes. Now was not the time.

“But I can’t, ‘cause even though what they did to you was worse… You’re the only other person who understands. And I don’t have anybody else.” You shake your head again and feel the tension leave your body with your words.

It’s as if saying them out loud releases the anxiety in your bones. You feel lighter all of a sudden, the heaviness that you’d felt since gaining your freedom, the tiredness, it seems to diminish somewhat.

When you can finally bring yourself to meet his eye again, Bucky is watching you with something like sympathy, though, it feels softer than that.

“I was alone, and I thought I was fine with that.” You ball your hands into fists and let out a deep breath.

“And then you showed up.”

Bucky’s lips quirk, but this time he doesn’t try to hide it.

“Does that mean you’re no longer alone, or that you’re no longer fine with it?” He asks, and you can’t help but chortle.

“I don’t know yet.”

---

The burning question Bucky had had since he last saw you, the one he’d not known how to answer, resolves itself in the worst way possible.

He stares at the lumpy white scar on the back of your hand and feels his blood run cold. He’d been scared that you’d realised the truth, or that he’d have to tell you sooner or later, but this is far, far, worse than that.

They’d removed your soulmark.

Bucky knows they’d tried with him, remembers the searing pain, but it had never worked. With you however…

His chest aches just thinking about how you must feel. It was clear by the look on your face how much it affected you, and regardless of how you would have reacted had your soulmark been untouched, to find out he was your soulmate, Bucky wishes this were the one thing he could go back and change.

It leaves a hole deep in his chest.

But something else nags at his mind, long after he’s parted ways with you. You had no idea who you were to one another. It feels like a cruel joke played by the universe. Bucky clearly still made you uneasy, and even if you felt as though you could understand one another, that was very different to wanting to be soulmates.

No.

Bucky decides that you deserved more than a cruel joke. After everything you’d been through, you deserved true happiness.

And Bucky Barnes would rather see his soulmate happy without him, than miserable because of him.

If you like and enjoy, a comment or a reblog would be greatly appreciated!

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes/reader #bucky barnes/you #story: tttb

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jamestrmtx · 4 years ago

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Wish Upon a Night Sky - [Beastars | Various x Reader]

[Female, Sheep Reader | Slow Burn]

Summary:

After calling upon the decision to test the waters between carnivores and herbivores, things at Cherryton Academy turn far more tense than they already were. Unsurprisingly, there are those who poke fun at the decision, both with good and bad reasons at hand. Calling the academy out on such high of a risk's understandable, but mocking carnivores for making friends with their opposites isn't.

Having been sheltered through seventeen years of homeschooling and the rigid rule of never going out at night, you far from expect being allowed to attend there after your eighteenth birthday. Regardless, you don't plan on cowering back. Your want to expose yourself to the real world, meet new people, and live through new experiences outweighs that fear, transforming it into strength.

Act One | Man's Best Friend

[Previous] | [Next]

Already messy files almost end up scattered on the floor, yet you manage to salvage them right on time. Your hands and legs shake just as fast as your heart beats; even breathing is a challenge with how stressed your mind is. Being around a large number of people wasn't the norm in your home; you'd been used to being a close family of six since you were born, and nothing more. Spending time with others beyond relatives was a rarity, as was the idea and agreement of having you study your final year in Cherryton -- far outside the safety of your home. Now that you're eighteen and near to graduating, your family's given you three simple rules to follow: never step out of campus at night, never join acting, and never show daintiness. All three of them emphasize the word 'never'; not a single space for protest or bargain is left in those rules. You knew the consequences of going out at night, as well as the risks of calling forth unwanted attention by choosing not to dress how you were told and letting any sort of bubbly nature out. Being forbidden to join acting was by far the only thing they hadn't explained to you by full.

"Your dorm is through here," Jack says, pointing with his eyes and snout over to a busy hallway.

While the person giving you the tour isn't exactly the type you were warned of before being admitted into this school, he isn't exactly of your type either, but more of a happy medium between the two: a dog. Not quite a carnivore and not quite a herbivore, he's what you learned to be an omnivore -- a kind you were taught to be wary of just as much as a wolf or a lion. Even then, his presence is about as warm and welcoming as sun rays on a cold, winter day, and you find it hard not to smile when he continues to show you around the place. He only ever stops when he sees he's left you far behind, a product of you losing yourself in your thoughts and the new world around you.

His excitement is one you wish you could manifest just as much as him, though the reminder of how you had to behave at this school leads you to brush and bury those ideas away and hold yourself back.

"Are you okay?"

Jack's question paired up with his careful tone help pull you out of your daydreaming. How concerned he looks makes you take note of the expression you're carrying. Oftentimes, you scrunched up your snout and furrowed your brow -- whenever you became lost in thought, mostly. To any outsider like him, it would seem as if though you're bothered by something, so you hurry in your reply, words leaving you in a rush, "I'm okay." Your smile returns as you meet his eyes. "I just… I got caught up with something else."

"Nervous about staying here?"

"About everything, honestly."

He lets out a laugh at that, and his gaze brightens as he motions for you to follow him once more.

Your next destination is what appears to be the rooms you were informed of at the beginning of your visit -- judging by the rows of doors laid around, along with one of them left open, displaying a bunk bed in the background. There's a student by the dresser, combing her fur without so much as bothering to look at you or Jack. She's far too focused on her brushing to acknowledge she's left the room visible to those wandering outside, though -- with her being a wolf -- you assume she's confident in herself. Or you believe so, at the very least, as based on the rumours your parents and every other family member taught you.

You halt when you notice Jack stops right by that door and see him gesture over with his head for you to step inside.

"Is this allowed?" you blurt out, rushing to cover up not a minute after that question leaves your mouth. "O- Oh gosh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that."

"It's alright," he says, chuckling. "I know you're homeschooled, so if you have any questions about how things work here, feel free to ask me!" He stops for a moment and seems to recall something along the way. "And you can come over to my place, too, if you need more help with showing you around."

"How bold of you to invite a girl into the boys' dorm, Jack."

A feminine voice comes from behind him, and -- soon after -- the wolf from earlier appears next to the dog. She directs a cheeky grin at him, then a friendlier smile at you. "You're my roommate, aren't you?" she says, nodding her head in the direction of your dorm. "What are you standing there for? I want to get to know you!" She sounds about twice as cheerful as Jack acts. "I was told about your arrival almost three whole months ago, so the wait has been long enough."

"...You're Juno?" you ask, making memory of the list handed over to you just a few hours ago.

She nods, eyes softening. "(Y/N), right? It's... nice to have a herbivore who won't look for a change of dorms the second she sees me."

Already feeling guilty, you can only hope she hadn't heard you earlier ago. It was a known fact you tended to speak without thinking sometimes (if not, most of the time), so you make a mental note out of it and set up a goal to improve on that throughout the rest of the year. You thank Jack and say your goodbyes before following her into the room.

At the sound of the door closing, you breathe a sigh of relief with the knowledge you've made it this far without screwing up too badly. The next thing in mind is to try sparking up some conversation, but only when you make enough mental preparation for it -- aware your thoughts might run haywire and tactless again. "But... Why would they do that? Isn't it normal at this school?"

Juno shows you around the room and stops next to one of the beds, bottom one being the only one out of all the others around to have some of her possessions settled down on it. "It's allowed," she replies and continues with, "And though it's not too uncommon for both carnivores and herbivores to be placed together... Things got a lot more tense after a student's passing." Her ears droop along with her tail, and a hint of gloom clashes with her friendly demeanor. "That's why you're the only other woman in this room, and why I…" Her body shudders as she lets out a breath. "Why I try not to walk alone in the halls anymore." She takes another breath and lets it out with a huff. A hushed swoon then seems to take her over, replacing her sadness about as quickly as her ears go back up. "Although... I guess I wouldn't have met someone wonderful, if some students hadn't cornered me for being a carnivore not long after I arrived here."

The wolf sighs, then faces you with droopy eyelids and a softer smile. "Tell me, (Y/N)... Have you ever fallen in love? It's the most incredible feeling I can describe!" She sits down on the bottom bed, though she scoots aside, leaving you some space next to her. "They say your last year at school's the last chance you have for experiencing an emotion so strong, but I like to believe it will carry on as long as your love is powerful enough for it!"

While you're a bit lost as to what point she's trying to make, you smile and nod along as you wait for her to continue speaking.

After all, having two friends at the beginning of your final school year didn't sound like a bad idea. Hopefully, your lonely days would start to change; your conversation with Jack and your current one with Juno have been -- without much exaggeration -- the most interaction you've had during all your eighteen years of living. Knowing you were finally free to meet as many people as you'd want as well as study over brand-new things and the relationships between both kinds made your worries and doubts more than worthwhile. No matter how often your family and distant acquaintances warned you otherwise, you needed to grow, learn, explore, and see more outside what was taught to you at home.

You hear Juno out until she asks if you have a special someone yourself; the question turns out to be a bit of a difficult one to answer with how little people you knew to this day. So far, the only experience you remember similar to that of having a crush on someone was by reading stories of adventure and challenge when you were younger. All of these were confiscated by your family whenever you gained too many ideas, fell for a character, or whenever a book so much as mentioned the word carnivore between its pages -- in a light aside from that of hostile and negative.

Although it feels like nothing short of wishful thinking, you hope your current circumstances change soon with the new path being offered out to you; in that, you carry a strong and unshakable desire over.

And, who knows?

Maybe one day you'd be able to sneak out and watch the night sky, too -- and with a friend or two by your side, preferably.

"I don't, but…" You trail off to consider her question; overwhelmed by the changes and influenced by her energetic self, you find it hard not to follow along with her. "I wouldn't mind having one -- if that opportunity ever came around!"

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