#impractical jokers brian quinn imagine

[howlettsbaby]

Our Little Secret ʚ♡ɞ

brian quinn x afab!reader

warnings: porn w/ little plot, reader is over 18, age gap, unprotected sex, oral!fem receiving, daddy kink, secret relationship, dub con (??) , rough sex, pussy inspection, nipple play, use of pet names (baby, doll, slut), mild manipulation, squirting, choking, overstimulation

summary: it’s been hard keeping a secret relationship with your dads best friend. despite how much you crave him, how would brian react if you started pushing him away?

a/n: just a small announcement - i have received various requests and i’ve already got drafts going for a couple of them. please don’t be alarmed if it takes me a while, i’m doing my best!

ever since you started sneaking around with your dads best friend, it feels like your whole life has changed. you cared for brian, you really did. but it was hard not being able to show your relationship publicly.

—

currently, your sitting on your kitchen island, eating a bag of chips when he walked in. looking up from the bag, you watched as brian closed the door behind him. he made his way towards you, sighing as he stood ahead you.

“hey baby,” his words were gentle. he softly smiled at you, resting a thumb over your uncovered thigh. it’s been hard trying to avoid him, despite seeing him recently around the house. you could tell he knew something was up with you. needing to come to a conclusion, he spoke before your could greet him back.

“you going to tell me whats been going on?” you let out an exhale, knowing that this moment was approaching. you knew you needed to communicate with him, but you couldn’t lose your dads best friend.

you sighed, avoiding eye contact. “i don’t know if we should do this anymore bri..” he paused, removing his hand from your thigh. “what do you mean?” he questioned, confused from your mixed feelings. “i just..” you stopped, trying to find the right words to say. “you know i care about you, i just don’t want us to get caught.” you murmured while he remained still.

“we’ve talked about this honey, you know i won’t let anyone find out.” he softly caressed your cheek soothingly. “i can’t let go of you.” you whimpered at his statement, “i can’t let go of you either.” looking up at him - you locked eyes with the beautiful brown-eyed man. instantly, a pool of wetness started to form in your panties. “is this why you haven’t answered my texts baby?” you nodded nervously. he exhaled once again, letting a smile creep around his lips to comfort you.

he placed a kiss on your lips, holding onto your jawline. “i’m sorry,” a small whine exited your lips. “don’t be, let daddy take care of you, mkay?”

his calloused hands wrapped around your thighs, lifting you up with a small gasp exiting your lips. “not here though.” he continued kissing you as he made his way up the stairs, concentrated on making his little doll feel good. when the two of you approached your room, he opened the door and placed you on your bed. he removed his lips from yours to stand up and go lock the door behind him — this was for nobody else to see.

brian rushed back over to the bed, immediately smashing his lips onto yours. “you taste so sweet baby,” he flirted. you blushed in response, rutting your heated area against his clothed buldge. “you want me baby? i want you.” your cheeks became even hotter - “yes, want you so bad daddy” you squealed, craving for him to be inside you.

his cock bulged at your whines, pulsing for you inside his jeans. he nearly tore your shirt in half due to his eagerness to take it off. luckily for him, you were bare underneath. your nipples hardened in the chilly room. “look so pretty like this,” he stared at your perfect tits for a moment, before smashing his face in-between them. his lips connected to your left nipple, as he massaged the right with his hands. you threw your head back while running your fingers through his hair. your freshly manicured acrylics scratched his scalp in all the right places.

after that, he worked his way out of his clothes, leaving him in only his boxers. he moved down your tiny shorts after he unclothed himself, discarding them to somewhere in your room. for a second, he admired your soaked panties. “all for me doll?” he chuckled, grazing his hand over your covered clit. you nodded in response, aching from the need of pleasure. “it aches daddy,” you rubbed a hand over your lower-belly, whining out for him. “i know baby, gonna fix that for you m’kay?” he lowered himself over your pulsating core, removing your cotton panties.

brian slid a finger through your glistening folds, admiring how much he turned you on. he watched as your hole clenched around nothing, and how your clit was beating out for him. “touch me, touch me bri” you threw your head back in anticipation. “just a second baby, let daddy have a look.” he said before he removed his hands from your wet pussy. brian then gripped your thighs for support as he kissed alongside them, nose nearly touching your clit. when you were about to confront him for the teasing, he slammed his tongue directly into your dripping hole.

he glided his tongue in and out your hole before sliding it around your clit. his grip on your thighs became rougher as you started to squirm. he watched as you started to grab everything - the sheets, his hair, your stuffed animals. he knew he was the only one who could make you feel this way, and planned on never letting you go. he didn’t give a fuck about risking his friendship with your dad - hell, he just started talking to him when he saw his pretty, innocent daughter.

brian was the first man to ever touch you like this, which led to you becoming obsessed with him. the way he cared for you as if you were a fragile piece of glass meant everything.

“mm, gonna cum,” you whined, alerting him about your release. he nodded his head side to side, lips still locked in your pussy. “not yet.” he demanded. his voice was stern and imperious. you moaned, not knowing how you’ll hold on any longer.

a couple minutes went by, and he was still settled in between your legs. “can’t bri!” you nearly screamed, becoming dumbfounded by the pleasure. he looked up at your face, watching how it contorted and how your eyes rolled back. the pleasure became too unbearable, so you started pushing yourself away from him. he was strong though, too strong. he kept you locked in place by just holding down your thighs. brian had a goal - and he knew he was about to reach it.

many “no’s” and “please’s” left your lips before you could feel something unfamiliar approaching. before you could make another move, a small aray of hot liquid drained from your core. it made a complete mess all over your bed but more importantly, all over his face. you hollered before the last drop of liquid left your body. your body fell limp on the bed, too weak to move.

brian lifted himself up and examined the mess you made. “didn’t know you could squirt doll,” he moved his way to hover his entire body over you. you let out a small whine in response, not able to form words in your head.

he moved your body and spread your legs before pulling down his boxers. “gonna fuck you now, okay?” it was almost as if he was asking permission, but you knew that wasn’t what it was. you nodded with your eyes still closed, too heavy to open them. “i need words baby” he demanded. you sniffled as a tear rolled down your cheek, “okay daddy,” you huffed. he kissed the tear off your face before lowering himself into your overused cunt.

instantly, you winced at the pain of his large cock slowly sliding inside of you. he made it about halfway before pulling out and gliding his cock along your folds. you groaned when his shaft touched your sensitive clit. caught up in the bliss, you snapped out of it when he slammed his cock fully inside of you. “ah, mm - hurts daddy.” you cried, wrapping your arms around his back for support. he was too big, and could barely fit inside your small cunt. “i know baby, hush, daddy’s got you.” he said peering above you.

he started to thrust inside of you, as you rocked your hips back n forth. the burning pain soon passed and turned into immense pleasure. he felt so fucking good deep inside your core.

he started to pick up the pace once he felt your hips move. his cock throbbed in your hole while destroying your sensitive gummy walls. it took everything in him not to completely brutalize you. he knew you were just a sensitive little girl, and he cared for you.

you could feel his tip kissing your cervix, sending you into a spiral. brian always watched your faces because it was easy to tell when you were going to cum. also, he just loves to look at his pathetic little slut whining on his cock. “yes, yes, yes!” you groaned out as he started to rub your puffy red clit with his thumb. nearing your orgasm, you bit down on his shoulder to muffle your noises. he grabbed one of his hands that were wrapped around your waist, locked it in with your hair, and harshly tugged you back. “no baby” he said between thrusts. “gotta hear you.”

while his hand was still pulling your head back, he moved his lips down your neck, sucking on the skin. brian knew all of your sensitive spots, and knew where to kiss you.

“i’m so c..close” you could barely manage to get the words out, stuttering between them. “you gonna cum for daddy, hm?” he said as he placed the hand that was once in your hair around your neck. “gonna make a mess on daddy’s cock?” his eyes were dark with lust. you could see it in him.

you could feel the knot in your lower stomach, begging for a release. “can i cum daddy, please?” you pleaded. he groaned in response, leaving you to release the buildup that’s been trying to get out. your back arched as you rode out your intense high. his orgasm followed soon after, pulling out and spreading his seed all over your stomach while you were still spazzing out.

he held you close as you started to calm down. you immediately fell into his chest, crying from the intense intimacy you two just shared. he rubbed your back soothingly and wiped the tears that fell from your face.

you both laid in silence for a moment, but it was comforting. then, you looked down at your legs and spot the huge mess you made. you whimpered, “i’m all messy” he chuckled. “i’ll clean you up soon baby, just let daddy hold you for a second.”

“mm, was i good?” you innocently look up at him. he grinned in awe, realizing how fucking obsessed with you his was. “did so good for me baby.” you smiled widely before tucking yourself back into his hairy chest, feeling a wave of relaxation hit you.

“we gotta do this again.” you said, words mumbled as you were tucked away. “hm, don’t think this is the end of it baby.” he said as the two of you closed your eyes and cuddled after the intimate event.

[inkyboyo]

i love this copy pasta so much

[dinglefan74]

[38livesalone-has3cats]

could you write for the impractical jokers with an s/o that has anorexia ? if that would be too triggering for you, i completely understand!!

hihi ! thank u for the ask :) i did my best with this and i didn't mention purging or binging because that's a lil triggering so i hope this is what you were wanting !!

The Impractical Jokers with a s/o with anorexia

-- tw; eating disorders(obv), unhealthy eating habits --

Sal

-he definitely monitors your eating as much as he can(in a loving way i swear, not trying to be creepy)

-texts you casual reminders to eat throughout the day, even if he know you won't

-he has your safe meals/meals he knows your comfortable with memorized

-y'all don't go out to eat often(he def has hellofresh or smth), but when you do, he makes sure to look up the menu with you beforehand and you guys plan what you'll get together

-he's very particular about what he eats so he has absolutely no shame while the two of you are out and will send back any food you mention isn't made the way you like

-honestly you could just give the plate a weird look and he's already calling the waiter back

-makes sure you take at least a few bites, but he won't force you into anything

-anywaysss

-sitting and eating with you is his love language atp

-he's always so proud of you, no matter what !! and he won't hesitate to tell you that

Joe

-we all know this man loves to eat

-he won't hesitate to finish your plate for you(after you take a few bites of course !)

-absolutely LOVES talking about sweet treats with you and honestly that's how he get's you to try new treats most times

-he will def get you to take silly pics with him with food connecting y'alls mouths or making silly faces with the food to "trick" you into eating

-his favorite dates with you are dinner dates, because he loves to chow down and he loves to watch his partner eat

-all in all he doesn't 100 percent understand ! but he supports you, loves you, and keeps you well-fed !

Murr

-he's genuinely so caring with you

-he makes sure you ALWAYS know how much he loves and cares about you

-he loves to pack lunches for the both of you, and he always leaves you cutesy little notes !!

-he insists that you two eat dinner together every night, he loves sitting down to unwind, chitchat, and share a meal with you(no matter how much you eat !)

-he can(and will) just go on and on about how beautiful he thinks you are

-he tells the guys that he doesn't understand how he got such a gorgeous person on his arm

-He will read books and watch yt videos to learn more about anorexia and how he can help

-will always keep it real with you when you start getting bad again, not in a mean way ! he just loves you and hates to see you that way

-loves to remind you of how far you've come in your relationships with food and your body

Q

-he's had his own struggles with depression, so although he may not completely understand, he gets it

-loves to curl up on the couch with you and watch movies; he'll hand-feed you a few bites of whatever snack he's got

-he's completely obsessed with you tbh

-he often brings home your favorite takeout for dinner because it's easy and he knows he can get you to take a few bites

-always wants to remind you how beautiful you are, rarely calls you by your name; it's always "gorgeous" or "beautiful" from him

-he will also text you throughout the day; he loves to yap about how his day is going, he'll also sneak in little reminders to eat a snack of some sort

-he will celebrate every little milestone with you, no matter how small or insignificant you tell him it is(he's buying you flowers, jewelry, the whole works)

-he's just so loving with you ugh

-on days where you're feeling extra weak or tired he's so gentle with you, he spends all day coddling you and making you stay in bed while he takes care of you

[beansnsoup]

Watching the critiquing Q episode of impractical jokers makes me feel some type of way, like I was SQUEALING AND KICKING MY FEET.

I love this man sm it's unreal.

(S:6 E:36)

[multifandomimagines999]

Hi can you do Brian Quinn x wife reader where your reaction to Q:the musical where your in the audience with his firemen buddies but also your children then transition to where Q puts the boys to the fire men academy and he show's his kids what it means to be a fireman

A/N: Enjoy!

Future of the Department

Pairing: Brian Quinn x wife!reader

You and Brian met working at the same fire department and after chaotic years of friendship, you finally admitted your feelings for each other. Now you're happily married with a 10 week old son, Logan.

Now your little man was almost 2.5 months and y'all were getting the hang of things. Logan was on a better schedule and you were able to get at least a little bit of sleep.

But today Logan and you were helping Q get punished. He knew he was performing a stupid play in front of professional actors. What he didn't know was that instead of actors it was you, Logan, and all our firehouse buddies. Lucky for me Logan was asleep when we arrived.

We took our seats in the front. As soon as the play started, Logan was up and alert. I held him in my lap as Brian came out on stage. When he saw all of us out there he couldn't even speak he was so embarrassed. He continued through the play and towards the end Logan let out a squeal of excitement which grabbed his father's attention. I guess he hadn't noticed Logan was here because he was too caught up in everything else. His eyes went wide and he dropped his head again.

"You brought my son into this!" Brian exclaimed into his ear piece/mic.

"It's okay. You're already an embarrassment. This is nothing" teased Joe.

Brian finished up the play and our coworkers began throwing shoes at him which caused me to laugh. Filming stopped and the guys were done shooting for the day. Brian went out and was talking to our buddies while I walked around rocking Logan.

"Did you enjoy daddy looking like a doofus?" I cooed in a baby voice to which he squealed back, "I'll take that as a yes".

"Look at you. Already teaching him the word doofus" smiled the chief.

"Chief!" I cheered and carefully hugged him, "It's good to see you! You weren't at the station when we stopped by last week".

"My wife was sick, so I had to take care of her. But the guys were telling me all about this little man" he stated, looking at Logan, "You are just adorable!"

"Thanks" I chuckled.

"You know, I'm proud of you kid. You've come so far since your first days at the firehouse. You're one strong woman" he praised, "And now here you are married to Quinn and a mom to a little guy. You've done well for yourself so far".

"Thanks. I bet nobody would have guessed Brian and I would wind up together".

"Oh no. We took bets on if and when you'd get together. Eventually we just kinda dropped out until we heard the news from Quinn, and then we made bets on your engagement".

"Well who won?"

"You're looking at the winner".

"Nice chief".

***

"So this is where Mommy and Daddy trained," Brian smiled as he had Greyson on one hip and our daughter Carly on the other.

Logan stood beside him. I stood behind Logan, hand on my bump as we were expecting our fourth child. Brian showed them our graduation pictures and showed them some of the training areas. All three kids were excited hearing all of our stories.

"I wanna be like mommy when I grow up!" Carly cheered, making me grin.

"You can baby girl."

I looked over at Brian, even more head over heels in love with him. The way he interacts with our kids, how passionate he is, he is perfect.

[nerd6log]

How many of youse would read a fanfiction about Brian Quinn (Q from Impractical Jokers)?

Uh, asking for a friend 🫣

[starletem]

I’m writing a story on Wattpad that’s a Q x Reader! The first chapters are out now, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on it!

https://www.wattpad.com/1490370750?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_writing&wp_page=create_writer&wp_uname=starletemi

[bardoftheshire]

This is being updated currently!!

-Masterlist/Navigation-

{Works with strikethrough mean that they are not yet finished or published yet.}

(Also, most of my fics usually have loads of foul language, so just be aware that’s what all of the warnings mostly are)

-Bioshock-

Dating Atlas Would Include… [Atlas x GN! Reader]

Atlas x Shy! Reader Headcannons

Dating Fontaine Would Include… [Frank Fontaine x GN! Reader]

☆Bullet Train☆

🚄Bullet Train Fics Masterlist🚄

-Doctor Who-

Brilliant! [Tenth Doctor x TransMasc! Reader]

Silly American Traditions [Tenth Doctor x Reader]

Drunken Regrets [Tenth Doctor x Drunk! Reader]

-Miscellaneous-

Not In On the Joke - Brian (Q) Quinn x Reader

I Think I Love You? - James Wilson x Reader

I Guess I’ll Take Care Of You - Ray Stantz x Reader

I’m Familiar - James Wilson x Reader

Possible Quicksilver oneshot or small series?

-Patrick Stump-

🎱Patrick Stump Fics Masterlist🎱

꒦꒷-Weird Science Chapters-꒷꒦

꒦꒷Egon Spengler x Reader꒷꒦

Weird Science | Pilot Chapter

Weird Science | Chapter II

Weird Science | Chapter III

Weird Science | Chapter IV

Weird Science | Chapter V

Weird Science | Chapter VI

[sibsteria]

Bygones (Brian Quinn)

a/n I wrote this so long ago, don’t sue me

Prompts: ''I never meant to hurt you'', ''I need to leave'', ''I thought you loved me'' Summary: Tabloids can be harmful, they can also be eye opening realisations. Warnings: Angst ↴ Thin autumn crispness layered the air around the city, leaves blew from place to place aimlessly, hues of orange and red bustling the long streets. Summer had passed, come and gone like seasons often do. Frost brushed over the once green grass, the once clean bricks. Fall season.

I was scrolling needlessly on my laptop, scouring news coverage, pointless quizzes, buzz stories for the public. Induced in a hot chocolate coma I almost don't hear the subtle ping from my laptop, alerting me of a new story produced by one of the many weeklys seeking attention. Hovering my mouse pointer over the notification, the title catches my eye:

SUMMER ROMANCE OR RETIRED FLING? READ FOR MORE

I wonder which washed up celebrity has been caught mid an affair this time. Opening the page, pictures of the alleged liaison are plastered throughout the webpage. The thing that caught me off guard was the fact that I was sure I recognised that tuft of hair...and that nose...and that face. I can feel my heartbeat in my fingertips as I scroll to read the article, dread fills me quicker than a laundry basket.

SUMMER ROMANCE OR RETIRED FLING?

New seen photos, released from press spotlight TruTV's own Brian Quinn [Q] known for hit show Impractical Jokers caught meandering with an old flame on Venice's Lido beach. Former ladies man found cheating on long-time girlfriend Y/n L/n during their [Impractical Jokers] summer tour. What will become of the well loved daytime TV couple? Click for more.

I shut my laptop with a force, unable to read any more. The gall. The gumption, the cheek, the absolute audacity of the man. Dare I say, boy. Of course it was true because of the incriminating pictures, courtesy of the paparazzi. There was no denying it now, I had my suspicions something was up due to the constant phone calls from his work meant for him labelled as a 'PR control issue' along with his refusal to elaborate. He had done it before, not to me, but other hopeless women who he promised a life with. I thought it was different with me? Grave disheartenment washes over me. It's futile for me to carry on like this with him. I'm not an incompetent slut like the women he chooses to seduce. I can safely assume there are women not just a woman.

This worthless relationship, torn apart. If I choose to remain here, I will only end up in a vicious cycle going nowhere, of remote self-pity. I couldn't stay in the apartment, our apartment. Taking my laptop in my stride I lead into the bedroom, packing an overnight bag of my favourite items. I set it on the couch and walk toward the fridge, a collage of happy photos with my boyfriend endow the exterior- taking one from the night he came home from tour, I shred it in my own hands. I pull out paper and a simple ball point pen from the kitchen draw, I begin to write.

Oh dear Brian, How lovely of you to cheat on me during a time where I longed for you to be next to me. How lovely of you to continue our relationship out of dishonesty and adultery. How lovely of you to attempt to keep the matter quiet, addressing it as a PR control issue. I hope you have a nice life full of heartbreak and regret. Love, Y/-

I'm interrupted by the clip of a lock from the front door. I was hoping to leave before he came home, hoping to have no confrontation with the cheating pig. ''Hey, Y/n, sweetheart? I'm home-'' I squeezed my eyes tight with hurt, a tear escaping. I stay silent sat at the kitchen counter. ''Where are you?'' He walks into the kitchen. ''What are you doi- hey, hey why are you crying?'' He leans down to comfort me, I hold up my palm hastily, pardoning his speech. ''Save it. Tabloids came out. You're little PR control issue is no longer controlled.'' He stumbles over his words for an explanation. ''I don't-, what? I- what do you mean?'' He struggles to compose himself. ''I left you this to read, I'm uh, staying James' tonight, you can let me in tomorrow to get the rest of my things.'' I throw him the letter, he flails trying to catch it. He speed reads it whilst I grab my bag and coat. ''Hey! Wait no, let me explain!'' He shouts after me, dropping the letter as he haphazardly runs into the hallway.

''There's no need. I get it. Wasn't enough and never will be, story of my life. And yours is sad, sad and not falling short of bitter endings.''  ''Please, I never meant to hurt you, you can't go. I need you.'' He whispers. ''You don't need to feel guilty, I thought you loved me but you didn't. Just goes to show who you truly are as a person.'' More tears stream down my face, and his. ''No, I do love you, I do. I love you more than anything, more than anyone. You're all I have, please don't go. Please?'' His begging is ineffective, he hurt me. ''I need to leave. I can't stay here and be with you knowing what you've done. Knowing that you've shoved your dick into another girl’s willing throat.'' Just an accusation but probably not untrue.

''They didn't mean anything to me, not like you. I just-'' ''You just like sex more?'' I sniffle, rolling my eyes. ''No! But if you would just listen-'' ''No buts. I don't need to listen to what you have to say because it's nonsensical. It doesn't matter anymore. We're over and done with. Now you can run along and join your ever-growing list of sluts, fucks and nut busts.''

''Please.'' He's crying, hard. But it won't stop me, because it won't change. I unlock the door and stride off with no looking back.

3rd POV Brian is left on the the floor of their apartment, somehow empty yet full of regret. Moving to grab her letter, he feels cold and lost. He let something incredible go for the sake of a pump and dump, one ride night of sex. What she will never know is how broken he is, how incapable he is of pulling himself together. He broke her and she built herself up. She broke up with him and he stays unfixed, damaged and shattered like his favourite mug, a home-leaving present from his bygone.

[hellotherepalpalpals]

Well, You Don't Have To Get Ticked Off About It (Sal Vulcano x F!Reader)

Sal rolled his eyes, “You guys are assholes.” 

He heard an outburst of laughter from the earpiece and Joe spoke up, “Nothing new, Sal! Now pick up the flea collar in your basket.” 

Sal sighed, rifling through the items to find the flea collar near the bottom of the basket. Murr’s voice now echoed in his ears, “See that young lady with the h/c hair? Standing over by the make up? You know what you have to ask her.”

Sal glared at the camera above him, “Are you kidding me? You couldn’t pick anyone else?”

The woman was focused on the eyeliner in her hand, her face partially obscured by her hair. Even without seeing her face, Sal could tell she was pretty and he really didn’t want to have her thinking he had fleas. His friends yelled at him over the earpiece, Q’s voice breaking through the others, “You can’t talk us out of it, Sal just do it!”

Sal relented, deciding to rip off the bandaid, and with another small sigh he approached the woman.

“Excuse me, d-do you know if these work on humans?” He cringed internally at his delivery, though he supposed given the content of his question there really was no way to ask without giving her… well, not the impression he would prefer.  

She looked up at him, clearly surprised to be interacting with another person. On meeting her gaze, Sal was caught off guard. He had a feeling she was pretty but, man, he hadn’t expected this. He didn’t know what it was about her features but he could confidently say she was the most attractive woman he had seen in a long time, maybe ever. For a moment he forgot what he was doing, why he was there, and what he had just asked her. He was simply lost in the e/c abyss of her eyes. She was looking up at him, seemingly still processing his words. Her mouth opened and Sal found himself fixated on her lips, not hearing the whisper of a word that escaped them, too entranced by the thought of cupping her cheek and pulling her in for a kiss.

She gawked at him, her pretty little mouth agape, “Wha-”

Q shouted in his ear, “Say something Sal! You’ve got ticks!”

Almost robotically, Sal repeated the words, “I got ticks.” His brain felt like it was shutting down, the shame crumpling it into a little paper ball pinballing around the empty trash can of his skull.

She sputtered for a moment before gaining her composure, “Y-you have ticks? Wait why are you getting-” her brows furrowed and she pointed at the collar in his hands, “you don’t need that.” Sal was struck by the genuine concern in her eyes, it was sweet but humiliating. She definitely thought he was an absolute moron. Even so, her voice was just as beautiful as she was and he struggled to focus on the task at hand. She continued, “Go get a pair of tweezers, you can just remove them yourself.” Her fingers mimed the pinching of tweezers as she spoke. 

He paused, she was right, but before he could formulate his own response, he was fed his lines by his friends. “Well… I got a lot. See, I was crawling through my neighbor’s yard with my binocs, like I normally do… and I looked through her garbage, like I normally do… ticks.” He shrugged, willing the heat to dissipate from his cheeks. 

Despite the slightly incredulous look on her face, she took this in stride. She nodded slowly and spoke again, “Um… Does your neighbor-you know what? Never mind. So, you need the regular protection then, right?” She paused, thinking for a moment, “I have no idea if you can use it or not, hold on, I’ll look it up.” She whipped out her phone and began swiftly typing in her search bar, biting her lip and furrowing her brows as she concentrated.

Bewildered by her response, Sal turned to the cameras with a look of complete disbelief on his face, his eyes wild with confusion. The guys were cracking up, Joe exclaiming passionately, “Who IS this woman?”

Sal heard Q next, “Sal found the nicest person in New York. I can’t believe this.” He could hear Murr agreeing, though he must not have been holding the microphone because his voice was less audible than Q’s.  

In response to Q, Joe spoke up, “Nice? This lady is NUTS! She’s helping him be a more successful stalker right now!”

Sal opened his mouth, instinctually wanting to defend the woman, though Joe did have a point. A thought passed through his brain, gone as quickly as it came, but causing his face to heat up nonetheless. What if… What if she was into him? If she found him unattractive she would not be engaging on this level, right? People excuse all sorts of behavior when they find someone attractive. The fantasy was shattered with the realization that she could also be playing along purely out of self-preservation, thinking him a potentially dangerous lunatic. 

She started to speak again, eyes still on her screen, “Okay, so, do NOT buy that for yourself. The pesticide that is used to keep ticks at bay is toxic and you don’t want it on your skin.” She raised her eyes to meet his, turning her phone off and sliding it into her pocket. She waved her hand in the air, gesturing as she went on, “Apparently they’ve tried using these on soldiers and concluded it doesn’t work for humans. If they won’t even use them on soldiers I definitely wouldn’t risk it, we all know how much the government REALLY cares about the wellbeing of our troops.” She rolled her eyes and Sal had a feeling she had a lot of strong opinions about the government. Strong opinions he found himself very interested to hear. She continued speaking, drawing his attention back to her, “I think you’ll just want to start taking really thorough showers after your… uh… patrols. Do you want me to show you how to detach a tick? It’s easy once you know how.”

He heard Q over the headset, “SEE she’s just really nice. A little odd maybe but NICE.” Sal could practically hear Joe rolling his eyes as he responded to Q but Sal’s focus was pulled back to the woman in front of him.

Sal was at a loss for words, she was looking up at him so expectantly, with those beautiful e/c eyes that swallowed him whole. He faintly registered the voices of his friends talking about how crazy this woman is but all he could do was stare into her kind eyes. She seemed to pick up on his brain’s complete inability to function and laughed, taking him by the hand and pulling him along with her as she searched for tweezers.

His heart was in his throat and his brain was static as he let her pull him through the aisles. Normally he would be having an aneurysm at even the thought of touching a random stranger's hand but he was far too dazed at the moment. He felt the tidal wave of anxiety, as he often did, but he felt detached from it, like he was watching it approach from a suspended glass bubble. The ferocious roar of the water muffled and his skin safe from the cutting spray, the little shards of glass in the sea foam that would tear him apart if he strayed from his rules, he knew their bite all too well. They tear him apart as the liquid seeps into his lungs leaving him gasping for air, drowning, overwhelmed by the world and every unclean thing in it.

But now, he could watch from afar. From this new e/c bubble. A glass bubble where he was surrounded by flashes of images, bright smiles and soft lips, the feeling of a clammy palm in his, fingers interlocked, strands of h/c hair draped across his pillow. It was an almost out of this world experience. He could feel his usual panic looming, lurking in the recesses of his mind, but for now he was safe. Safe in the strong hands, stronger than he had expected, of a woman with questionable judgment and a beautiful soul. The feeling was new, and that in itself caused him discomfort. But the reprieve he felt from his crippling anxieties, while foreign and unsettling in ways, ultimately helped him feel more grounded. The hand wrapped around his served as a tether, something keeping him close to Earth, unable to float away to be at the mercy of the whims of the whirlwind of anxieties that tormented his mind.

The woman dragged him around the store, seemingly unaware of the complete mental breakdown (breakthrough?) he was having, glancing at the signs on the aisles until she found the section with grooming products and eventually coming upon the tweezers. Gently dropping his hand, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a small bottle of hand sanitizer. Sal watched, eyes wide, as she squirted a bit in her hand, glancing up at him and holding it out, her eyebrows raised in a wordless question. He nodded, reaching out, the haze of her influence growing stronger as he only faintly registered his friends shouting in his ear. He had no idea what they were saying, and at the moment he didn’t really care. He felt as though time had slowed down, like he was experiencing the world from the inside of a mound of jello. Despite his friend’s best efforts, their voices fell on deaf ears and they could not break him out of his daze. They simply watched him, rubbing his hands over and over, though the hand sanitizer had been worked into his skin long ago. He was just staring at this woman, who looked back at him, a mixture of confusion and amusement apparent on her face.

Murr unplugged the microphone, staring at the crew behind the tv, “I mean, what is going on?” Q was cracking up, bent over and wheezing. Joe’s raucous laughter ceased for a moment while he shot a look Q’s way, “You better not throw up again, pal.”

Murr turned to his friends, “He’s not even listening to us. What are we supposed to do?” HIs question trailed off into laughter. An evil glint arose in Joe’s eyes, “What do you say to turning this into a punishment?” The glint passed from Joe to the other two as they nodded, Q simply saying, “Get him, Gatto.” A wicked grin split Joe’s face and he rushed away, leaving the other two to watch and wait to see his plan unfold. 

In the meantime, Sal was still staring at the woman, who laughed, turning to the tweezers to grab the pair she thought served their purpose best. She cleared her throat, “It’s not you by the way, I’m just not a fan of the common cold. Or, well, germs in general.”

He nodded, his stupor broken by her voice, by her words, “You have no idea how much I understand what you mean. People are disgusting.” 

She let out a laugh, snorting and covering her mouth in embarrassment. A blush rose on her face as she retorted, “I mean, you dig through trash often enough to get ticks. I’m not sure you should be judging people so harshly.” 

It was now his turn to blush, and he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. He realized then that his friends were unusually quiet and he felt the color drain back out of his face. The expression on hers morphed into one of concern and she opened her mouth, most likely to ask him what was wrong, when her attention was drawn to something behind Sal. Knowing one of his terrible friends must have appeared, Sal turned reluctantly around, body deflating as he saw Joe standing in front of him. The other man’s body language indicated extreme annoyance, and his eyes screamed “punishment”. With one look, Sal knew he was about to feel more shame than he thought possible. Joe opened his mouth, “Fido! What are you doing standing on your hind legs? Get down boy! Leave that woman alone.” Sal’s heart dropped, he stared at his friend, who still hadn’t broken character. He didn’t dare look back at the woman who had captivated him so just moments before. Luckily for him, the cameras clearly caught the look of disapproval passing over her face at the display in front of her. Joe raised a newspaper he had rolled in his hand, Sal thought faintly that he must’ve picked it up on his way through the store, but his train of thought was interrupted by Joe slapping him on the arm with the newspaper. 

“This is officially a punishment now! Down, boy! Down!” Joe continued beating him over the head and back as he cowered before him, dropping to his hands and knees. He lifted his hands to cover his head, too ashamed to even defend himself and knowing that he now had no choice. There was no backing out of this, it was no longer a challenge he could just accept a loss on. His horrible, horrible friends had picked up on his situation and, of course, made sure it was even more humiliating. His mind was a flurry of anxious thoughts, spiraling around and creating such chaos in his mind he couldn’t keep one straight from another. He was trapped in a blizzard of his own shame and he felt hypothermia nipping at his extremities. He resigned himself to his fate, letting the cold wash over him and hoping for a swift death, the ultimate reprieve from this filthy, fucked up world he lived in. Suddenly, the hits stopped. He looked up tentatively, expecting the worst, only to see the woman with her hand on Joe’s wrist. She looked positively outraged. He passively wondered if the crew would allow him access to the footage from this. He didn’t want to see himself whimpering on the ground like a fool but seeing her righteous fury from below did something to him. The intensity on her face warmed his body, momentarily erasing the freezing shame he felt just seconds before. Her eyes flicked down to him and she shoved Joe’s hand away, offering her now empty hand to Sal. The burning in those e/c eyes caused him to blush instantly, his entire body tingling and a pit forming in his stomach. Not the pit that usually accompanied his fear, no, this was a different feeling deep inside him, one that filled his mind with images unsuitable for television. Luckily, her eyes softened when they met his and the sensation faded, melting into something cozy, something gooey and warm, he was suddenly a chocolate chip cookie straight out of the oven, pulled apart by the care in her gaze. She helped him to his feet, dusting off his shoulders with a quiet, “Are you okay?” 

He nodded, again at a loss for words. That wasn’t often the case, he thought briefly that maybe this woman had some sort of magical power. To put him at ease and quiet his always racing mind with only a look.

“You didn’t like that did you?” She asked softly, her hands still on his shoulders, grounding him with their touch.

He shook his head, sheepish and feeling like a little boy caught in a fight by his mother. She looked him in the eyes and nodded, squeezing his shoulders. He watched as she turned to Joe, the empathy draining from her eyes, replaced by that burning anger from before, “What the hell is wrong with you? If this is some fetish shit you need consent. His and the rest of ours. You can’t just bring that out in public. And he clearly wasn’t enjoying it. So what do you have to say for yourself?”

Joe sputtered, caught off guard by the glare being leveled at him. He shook his head, clearing his thoughts, “That’s Fido. He’s not supposed to be walking around like that. He doesn’t like being punished but he signed up for it. He knew the rules when he started working with us.”

Sal watched as she mouthed the words “working with us” to herself, processing the response before she looked back to Joe, “So, if it’s not a fetish… what kind of work…” She was obviously struggling to make head or tails of the situation, her anger dissipated in favor of utter bewilderment. “Look, I’m just saying, you shouldn’t do these kind of things in public. I don’t know WHAT line of work you’re in but this is incredibly inappropriate. I mean, we’re in a pharmacy for Christ’s sake.”

Shrugging, Joe pointed to a lady on the far end of the aisle. She was accompanied by a small white rat of a dog, “Other people brought their pets in, why can’t I?” 

The woman’s brows furrowed and Sal turned his head back to the carpet, careful not to touch it with any part of his face, and stifled his laughter. He could feel tears rolling down his face and he hoped his ragged breathing wouldn’t give him away. He willed Joe to be as distracting as possible but alas she must have looked down because within seconds she was on the ground with him. He felt her hand on his back, rubbing small circles as she glared up at Joe again, “Do you see this? He’s crying! He’s a grown man not a pet and you’ve treated him with such cruelty that he is CRYING. Do you have no shame? No empathy? I mean, I wouldn’t even treat an animal that way let alone a human being!”

At that point, Joe lost it. He couldn’t help it. He didn’t break often but knowing Sal was bent over, face an inch from the nasty carpet, crying from laughter and seeing this lady’s vengeful glare as she did her best to protect poor baby Sal was too much for him. He covered his face, which she interpreted as him feeling shame, “Yeah, I hope you feel badly. You’re a monster. You despicable man.” 

That did it. Joe keeled over and found himself on his hands and knees mirroring Sal’s position on the floor. Seeing this, Sal collapsed, finally able to let himself break entirely. The woman looked very thrown off, glancing back and forth between the men suspiciously, her hand still positioned over Sal as if to shield him from further abuse. 

Sal could hear his buddies cackling over his earpiece, Murr was practically screaming and he was pretty sure he heard Q fall over. He couldn’t blame them, this was one of the most unexpected interactions he’d ever had on the show. 

While Joe and Sal tried to pull themselves together, the woman’s eyes narrowed and she started looking around the store pointedly. “Am I being punk’d right now?” She asked, voice level despite the rising blush on her face. Sal had to admit, he was happy to not be the only one blushing and he had to appreciate how radiant she looked with some extra color in her cheeks. He wiped the tears from his eyes and sat up so he could look her in the face. She stared at him quizzically, though it was hard to read what other emotions were going through her brain. For such an expressive and confident woman she sure knew how to put up barriers when she felt like it. He felt a shock of nerves fly through his system and his heart sank at the thought that she may not react all that well to the news. He cleared his throat and looked into her eyes, hoping his conveyed the apologies he wanted to give her, “Sort of. This is a show called the Impractical Jokers. My name is Sal and this is one of my best friends, Joe. We, and our two other friends,” He tapped his earpiece with his index finger, “basically just go around the city forcing each other to do and say embarrassing things.” Pointing at Joe, he continued, “This one was in the back with the other two giving me directions the whole time we were interacting. The whole thing is, if we refuse the directions we lose. Whoever loses the most in an episode gets punished. Punishments you can’t say no to. Hence the-” He gestured around vaguely and she cut him off, realization dawning on her features, “Hence the beating you with a newspaper and treating you as a dog. I understand.” 

She turned back to Joe, “Joe, right? I am SO sorry. I mean, I stand by my reaction but I take back what I said about your character.” 

Smiling, Joe assured her it was fine before looking at Sal thoughtfully. She turned back to Sal, unbothered by Joe’s watching eyes, “So, you’re alright then?”

Sal chuckled, “As alright as I can be, all things considered. But yes, this is my job and wasn’t a serious situation.”

She sighed, relieved, before blushing and letting a smile climb onto her face. She gave him a soft punch to the shoulder, “You really had me going. Your show must be hilarious.” 

His face lit up again and he found himself breaking eye contact, looking towards the ground and away from those powerful eyes. Opening his mouth to answer, he was interrupted by Joe, “Oh, we’re the best. You should give it a try. Sal’s our funniest guy, aside from me, of course.” He pulled a cheesy face and she giggled, looking at Sal with a twinkle in her eye. Feeling her eyes on him he raised his to meet them and the tenderness in her gaze made his heart soar. 

“I bet he is.” She said, so softly he almost didn’t catch it. But he did. His blush darkened, he was sure he looked like a ripe tomato, but he couldn’t find it in his heart to care because she looked the same. Her face had gone from dreamily staring at him to bright red and looking anywhere BUT Sal in seconds. He didn’t want to get his hopes up but that seemed like evidence to support his earlier theory, that maybe she was only going along with his nonsense because she found him attractive. Humoring him for the sake of interacting with him longer. He registered briefly that Joe had slipped away at some point, probably back to the others. Sal recognized Joe playing wingman. Giving him a compliment before slipping away and granting them some semblance of privacy. As much privacy as one can have while hooked up to a mic and surrounded by cameras. With this knowledge in mind, that at least one of his friends sees what he sees, the potential connection he has found in the strangest of ways, he decided to take matters into his own hands. Literally.

“Ahem,” he drew her attention back to himself with a small cough, “Do you have any more hand sanitizer?” 

She nodded, looking overwhelmed but almost relieved at the mundane question. She reached in her pocket and pulled it out, squirting some on her own hands before giving it to Sal. He did the same and the two sat quietly on the pharmacy floor, blushing and cleaning their hands. Sal’s heart was beating a million miles a minute but he knew he had to do something. Had to take a chance. Be a man, and all that. He turned to her, locking eyes with her and chewing on his lip. She cocked her head and looked at him, worried, “Are you okay? What’s on your mind? Thinking about how there’s definitely poop on this carpet we’re sitting on?” 

That sealed the deal for him and he surged forward, cupping her face in his hands as he pressed his lips gently to hers. He opened his eyes just in time to see hers close, shock forgone for acceptance as she leaned into his kiss. It was a quick kiss, chaste and light. He pulled away, face on fire, and looked at her with eyes as wide as dinner plates. She giggled, a blush dusting her cheeks and nose, the tips of her ears like little crimson beacons poking out of the h/c sea. She raised her hand to his face, humming contentedly when he tilted his head into her touch. He closed his eyes, only to open them almost immediately at the small groan let out by the woman holding him so sweetly. The sight before him was one he enjoyed greatly, she was pouting and it was absolutely adorable. 

He chuckled lightly, “What’s wrong?”

She bit back a smile, trying to remain petulant, “You have really pretty eyes. I wanted to see them, is all.” 

Sal couldn’t help the grin that illuminated his face, “You wanna know something? Your eyes are even prettier.”

The woman blushed and pushed him playfully. He became acutely aware of how nice she smelled, given their close quarters it was hard to miss. One whiff and his mind was sent careening through an entire hypothetical future, one where that smell meant home. He realized at that moment that he still didn’t know her name. Here he was imagining being with her until death do us part and he didn’t even know her name. 

She watched as he opened his mouth again, “Awkward question but, what’s your name?” 

Letting out a hearty laugh, she told him. She also gave him a light scolding for kissing her without permission, though she said she’d let him get away with it since it was clear he was a nervous wreck. 

Obstinately, he shot her a look, “I may not be known for being relaxed but you still held my hand when you thought I was a tick-ridden stalker.” Her face screwed up into one of guilt and defiance.

“I want to defend myself by saying I didn’t really think you did all that or I knew it was a show or even that I was so scared of you I was just playing along to be safe but honestly, I just thought you were really fucking attractive.” She shrugged, feigning ease though her blush betrayed her true feelings. 

Sal put a hand on her arm, “And I begged my friends not to target you because I thought you were pretty and didn’t want you to think I was a mongrel of a man.” 

She looked back at him and smiled, “Well, then I suppose we were meant to collide.” She thought for a moment before speaking again, “Could I…Would you mind…Can I get your number?” 

Grinning, Sal nodded, “Of course you can, are you kidding me?”

She shrugged, “Hey, I don’t know, you’ve got your own television show. You must be famous. I'm sure you have girls falling at your feet all the time. I wouldn’t blame them.”

He laughed and took her hand, drawing her eyes from her lap, “Sometimes. But not like this. This is different, for me at least.”

She seemed content with that answer. The two got up from the ground, exchanging numbers before she made her way to the back to sign all the necessary forms. 

Sal was left reeling in the afterglow of the experience. Best punishment he’s ever had, by far. I mean, not much of a punishment if it ends with a kiss and the potential for more. Sal blushed again, because “more” meant a lot of things. Heartwarming and… other parts warming, alike. He adjusted his pants and sighed happily, letting a small smile grace his lips as he thought about where he would want to take her on their first date. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her beautiful face and he decided he could really get used to that. 

He was startled by Q, who had approached him from behind, “Hey, Sal, you wanna know something?” Sal groaned, knowing exactly what was coming, “YOUR eyes are even PRETTIER.” 

He turned around and found Q and Murr both laughing wildly. He told them to fuck off, trying to keep his face schooled into an expression of annoyance but he couldn’t help the smile that forced through. Q noticed this immediately, “Wow, I mean, we knew she had some sort of effect on you but WOW. You better not chicken out on calling her.” 

Sal scowled, “I won’t, I’m not an idiot.” 

Right on cue, both Murr and Q opened their mouths and, “Wellllll…” before falling into laughter again. Sal rolled his eyes and walked away, glancing around for Y/N in a way he hoped was inconspicuous enough but in reality was probably very obvious. He found her talking with Joe, a soft smile on her face. For a split second he felt a sharp pain in his gut, a tangled ball of jealousy, hissing and snapping at his insides. As soon as it came, it was gone, because she saw him and the way her face lit up made his knees go weak and his insides melt. The writhing mass in his stomach eased a bit, her smile like a heat lamp making the covetous cobras sleepy and docile. Her smile widened and she waved, causing Joe to turn around, a grin spreading across his face when he saw Sal. He turned back to her and said something, something that drew her attention from Sal and made her blush profusely. Sal felt the envious serpents rising in his stomach again as Joe put his hand on her arm, nodded, and walked off with a smile. The snakes settled a bit as her eyes found their way back to his, their rattles quieting and mouths closing, waiting for the next move, still warmed by the smile she flashed his way moments before.

She approached him eagerly, unashamed of her giddiness. She got to a normal talking distance and took one step closer to him, effectively invading his personal space, though he had no mind to complain. Mirth in her eyes, she looked up at him, “I have to go, I had a whole list of things to do today and this,” she gestured to the chaos of the crew around them, “has thrown me a wee bit off schedule.” She laughed before going on, “It has been an absolute pleasure. Please, call me any time.”

Sall nodded, about to return the sentiment, when she pushed herself up on her toes and took his lips in hers. A sweet kiss, not quite as drawn out as their first but just as chaste. Before he could gather himself, she was headed off, with a glance over her shoulder and a small wave followed by a “call me” and that beautiful smile. 

Sal stood there for a moment, relishing the tingling sensation in his lips before growing aware of the many, many sets of eyes on him. He flushed deep red and told everyone to get back to their business, rushing away to find a bathroom so he could sit in solitude and process the day's events.

Finally alone, he opened his phone and stared at her contact, wishing belatedly that he had gotten a picture of her. For her contact photo, of course. Not to stare at longingly while he waited to see her again. He sent her a quick text, pressing send before he could think too hard about it and talk himself out of texting her at all. She responded almost immediately, enthusiasm laced in her every word. His body relaxed and he texted back, smiling as she joked with him. He lost track of time, holed up in the bathroom, happily waiting for each buzz of his phone. Eventually, someone came banging on the door, calling him back to set. He said his farewell and spent the rest of the day floating high above the set, drifting into daydreams whenever he wasn’t actively involved in a bit. Joe shot him a knowing glance and nudged him out of it whenever he could but he still found himself thinking about her the whole day through. He couldn’t wait to see her again.

[bqluvr]

he looks so good in a cowboy hat

[beansnsoup]

I tell my friends this all the time 🥲🤞

desperately want to be brian quinn’s controversially young girlfriend

[dinglefan74]

this a serious one

[beansnsoup]

I lost my fav Q fic, wtf

[scoopski-patata]

so being kinda new to the IJ fandom, I gotta apologize if this info is out there as common knowledge but like ya know how sometimes celebrities and musicians and performers and overall famous people make a playlist on spotify so we can hear some of their faves

anyone know if any of the jokers have ever made a playlist?