#implied one sided buffy/faith

[paarthursass]

I'm sorry I'm sorry I keep seeing that post that goes "Xander spent years complaining about being powerless and then never took a self defense class" and it pisses me off. Soooo much. Bcs it is such a bad faith reading of Xander as a character and also a gross oversimplification that also misses the entire point of his character.

The brunt of Xander's "complaining" about being powerless happens in the first 3 seasons, and is highlighted particularly in the Zeppo which is about Xander coming to terms with being "the normal one" of the group. He accepts that his role will never be the one in the spotlight, he is the side character to people like Buffy and Willow and he accepts this. While he might make occasional jabs and jokes about being powerless throughout the rest of the show (season 4 in particular we see him floundering with his role, but in season 4 all of the Scoobies are adrift with where they belong, so this is not a Xander-exclusive issue here, that's the point of the season) he seems to settle fairly comfortably into his role. He gets a normal job. He becomes the guy who cleans up Buffy's house when she breaks things fighting demons. We see him further reaffirm his acceptance of this in Potential, when he comforts Dawn (after realizing she isn't a Potential Slayer like she thought, and therefor not "special") by confiding in her his own insecurities with being "the normal one" and then reassuring her that she doesn't need powers to be special. Xander doesn't need powers to be special. He knows his place in the group (affirmed in season 4, where he takes on the role of "the Heart" in the spell to defeat Adam).

And, dare I say it, him learning self defense to the point of being a fighter on par with someone like Riley would completely miss the point of his character. Buffy as a show loves to flip gender roles, and Xander is no exception to this. Xander takes on the stereotypical feminine role in the group dynamic: as stated before, he's "the Heart." He provides emotional support to Willow and Buffy. He's often the one staying home to watch over Dawn, he's the one who cleans up and repairs Buffy's house when it gets wrecked. As the show progresses he increasingly takes on the role of the caretaker and the homemaker. He's also often the damsel, requiring saving by Buffy. He saves Willow with the power of love. Xander "taking a self defense class" - or rather, becoming a 'fighter' like the post implies he should have done, would have run completely counteractive to the point (and subversion) of his character.

Yes, I understand why people have knee-jerk negative reactions to Xander. A lot of his comments haven't aged well, and particularly in the early seasons his treatment of Buffy and Willow isn't great. But he learns. He grows. He does, at some point, stop being an emotionally stunted 17 year old and grows up. I won't act like his character progression is perfect, and there are definitely plenty of Xander moments where I'm incapable of rooting for him, but to claim he "spent 7 years complaining about being powerless and never took a self defense class" is such a bad faith misrepresentation of who he is as a character, and where he stands in the story.

[coraniaid]

The scene where Willow confronts Faith is Choices is kind of fascinating to me, because ... well.

I like Choices quite a lot, and I think Willow's dislike of Faith is perfectly understandable and in character (and her speech has some fun but probably not intentional foreshadowing for later seasons), but it's hard not to notice that the narrative expects you to be rather more unambiguously on Willow's side than I think is really warranted.

I mean, Willow might not have been the most popular girl in high school, but she has multiple close friends, a nice boyfriend, a stable [and fairly comfortably middle-class] home life, she "represents the pinnacle of achievement in Sunnydale High" in the words of her school's principal, she's trusted enough to teach at the school, in a year she'll be able to go to any college she wants (and, unlike some people, she can afford to go anywhere she wants), she used to hack into government computer databases (before she ever met Buffy!) and now she's teaching herself dark magic "for fun" and she hasn't [yet] ever suffered any real repercussions for either of those things.

On the other hand, from what little we hear about Faith's past we know she grew up poor and that her mother used to get drunk and beat her, that she didn't have any friends and dropped out of high school young, she is very strongly implied on multiple occasions to have been the victim of some pretty horrific abuse before being called as a Slayer, and after being called as a Slayer she got to watch the one adult who ever told her she mattered get killed horribly in front of her before fleeing across the country to a town where she doesn't know anybody, still has no friends, doesn't have a job or go to school and lives alone in a motel in the bad part of town. And when she accidentally killed a man, while trying to do the whole slaying vampires thing she's supposed to be doing, the Watcher's Council -- who never actually bothered to send her a new Watcher of her own -- decided to have her abducted and dragged away to England [a fate which surely nobody deserves].

Yet a part of Willow clearly thinks (and almost outright says) "oh, well, yeah, but she hangs out with Buffy sometimes when I don't get to and she slept with the guy -- not my nice boyfriend! -- who I used to have a crush on (and who I was briefly cheating on said boyfriend with), so it's clearly impossible to say which of us really had things worse and I don't need to feel sorry for her". And -- again, while this is great characterisation for Willow -- it's kind of hard not to notice that the writers think she has a compelling point.

Yes, sure, Faith has defected to working for the Mayor and has a knife drawn on Willow this scene (she's not anything like a blameless victim at this point of the story) and it takes a certain level of physical bravery for Willow to stand up for herself despite that. But ... I mean, come on. "You had friends like Buffy" is only true if you accept it to mean "you had exactly one friend, who was Buffy". "It's way too late" for Faith to seek forgiveness ... how many people has Faith killed at this point? One, by mistake? Giles has killed more people than that. "Some people think you had a lot of bad breaks?" Yeah, actually in Faith's shoes I'd want to hit Willow after she said that too.

I realize that part of the show's central thesis -- something that explicitly came up as recently as Earshot -- is the idea that everybody, regardless of how comfortable their life might seem from the outside, has their own sorrow and pain and (only occasionally metaphorical) demons to fight. But while that's not entirely wrong, it's also ... not entirely complete? Everyone has it bad sometimes, but some people really do have it worse than others. Pretending otherwise is ... not a serious position to take.

Willow's life could be better, but she's not gone through anything like Faith has. I'd argue she literally can't imagine how bad Faith's life has been. She really doesn't have as much moral authority as the show's writers think she has at this point.

[Compare this part of Season 3 with the first half of Season 6, when the show is overflowing with sympathy for Willow's abrupt descent into magic addiction but has no sympathy at all for Amy Madison, whose own magic addiction is just implied to be because she's inherently a Bad Person who Willow needs to avoid and whose own horrific past and abusive mother and complete lack of support system is just entirely forgotten about. Or, indeed, to the weird take of Dead Man's Party, which has Buffy apologize to Willow for ... what? Having problems of her own that don't revolve around Willow? Being too busy mourning the loss of everything she ever cared about to tell Willow how uniquely special and amazing she was for learning rudimentary magic? Not being grateful enough for Willow restoring Angel's soul without bothering to ask Buffy if that was something she still wanted her to try?]

So, the overall effect is ... yeah, it's a good scene. But it's almost a good scene despite the writer's intentions, not because of them. It's much less of an ambiguously triumphant moment for WIllow than I believe we're meant to read it as.

[thechosenthree]

Thanks to this post I am in my Kendra Young is such a freak <3 feels. Thank you @finalgirl1984 <3

[This went in a completely different direction that I expected, I do love to ramble.]

We talk so much about how by the book Kendra is and how she never got to be a kid or be a teenage girl. She was The Slayer before she was anyone else and before she was ever even actually called as the slayer.

We definitely don’t talk enough about how maybe compared to Buffy, Kendra was a stickler for the rules, but she definitely wasn’t completely by the book!

I saw a comment once about how leaving a vampire locked up to wait for the sun to burn him to ash is definitely not in the slayer handbook. And that’s so true!! She was enjoying it, she was laughing at his attempts at threatening her!! Literally not scared of him for a second. #1 Angel hater who also thinks he’s a loser. And she could have just staked him, she should have staked him, she was the vampire slayer and that is literally her job. But she played with him like a cat hunting a mouse instead and I love her for that.

Like I generally tend to think that Buffy was to Kendra what Faith was to Buffy, but that’s not entirely true?

Both Kendra and Faith were completely accepting of their slayer sides, proud of being slayers and able to enjoy the hunt and the kill in a way that Buffy really struggled with.

I think Kendra and Faith are a lot more alike than I’ve given them credit for? They both try to kill Angel when they first meet him, they are both confused why Buffy wants to protect him and not just stake him. That goes against what they have been taught.

We obviously don’t know much about Faith’s slaying life before coming to Sunnydale, what her watcher was like, or what her training was like. But it’s possible it was a lot more by the book than Buffy’s. Faith watched her watcher be killed in front of her and then shows up in Sunnydale with serious issues with authority.

But the way she is with Gwendolyn Post paints a picture of the way she may have taken to her first watcher. She wanted someone to look out for her and give her guidance. So if she had a watcher she liked and respected, her doing what she was told and being by the book seems likely. She did what Gwendolyn told her to do over listening to Buffy, so we even have evidence in the show for that.

Faith’s training may have been a lot more like Kendra’s than Buffy’s. Of course she didn’t have that watcher training her for very long, just the summer. So she wouldn’t have learned near as much as Kendra, who spent her whole life training for this did.

And whereas Kendra never had a life apart from slaying, Faith didn’t have one worth missing once she was called. There was nothing holding Faith back from full on accepting her destiny and giving her all to it, unlike Buffy.

Buffy had a life before slaying. She got to be a kid, she got to be a girl. She got to live her life without worrying about much. She got to just be. And being the slayer did not mesh with that, her fighting to make both sides of herself fit is a huge part of the show.

Faith is very heavily implied to have been abused by her mother, and who knows what else she went through. She didn’t get to just be a kid, she was dealing with stuff no child should ever have to go through. Being called as a slayer gave her the physical power to fight back. And she embraced that with open arms and did not look back.

The circumstances that preceded Kendra and Faith being called as slayers is obviously very different. But it’s also similar is some ways I hadn’t previously thought about.

Kendra was forged as a weapon, her life was lived in training to be the slayer. Faith was living a life she couldn’t escape from, couldn’t fight back against.

Kendra being called brought everything she’d been taught, everything she’d worked towards into focus. That is what she had always been told she was meant to do. It was her purpose.

Faith being called gave her an out from her old life, gave her the strength and the power to defend herself and fight back. We know she’s never had anyone looking out for her, that she had to take care of herself. In a way, being the slayer gave her a purpose she didn’t know she was looking for.

Neither Kendra or Faith got to just be a kid. They didn’t necessarily know what they were missing when they embraced being a slayer. Kendra literally did not know anything else. And the life Faith knew was definitely nothing worth holding on to.

I think this makes their attitudes towards being slayers compared to Buffy’s make so much sense.

And if we go with the slayerhood as a metaphor for queerness…

Buffy was just living her life and was blindsided figuring something out about herself that she hadn’t been looking for. She didn’t want to be that person, it made her life more difficult. She wanted to go back to a time before she knew this about herself. She was so focused on how much she didn’t want to be the slayer [read: queer] that it took her a long time to acknowledge that she enjoyed it. That it was a part of who she is. And that she liked that about herself. It took her a long time to be proud to call herself the slayer.

We also see that Buffy’s parents were not immediately accepting, and before she actually “came out” they talked to and about her like she was a different person now and like they just wanted her to be who she used to be. And then of course Joyce literally kicks her out of the house when she can’t accept who Buffy is and Buffy refuses to go “back in the closet” to please her. Buffy having internalized slayerphobia makes a lot of sense.

Kendra always knew who she was. She was raised by someone who knew who she was, and who wanted her to be that person. She is proud of who she is, of being a freak. She is so happy to connect with Buffy and not be alone being a freak.

But also looking at how the council is scared of the slayers, and wants to be in control of them, it’s a conditional sort of acceptance. Kendra can be herself as long as she’s useful to the council. Also looking at it this way, her parents knowing who she is and sending her away because of it is an interesting thing to think about.

Faith did not always know who she was. But she likely knew she was different or at least felt like she was. Having an abusive parent will make that clear to you. On top of that the things she implies about her high school experience make it clear she did not have friends or fit in. She was a loner, an outcast, a freak.

Then she found out who she was and everything made sense to her. Faith embraced being a slayer [read: queer] and she was proud of who she is. She enjoyed it, she liked it. And she met Buffy and loved that someone else was a freak with her.

Kendra and Faith genuinely enjoying being slayers and being proud to call themselves freaks in juxtaposition to Buffy who definitely loved not being alone, and finding kindred spirits in the two of them but was also having a hard time liking that part of herself is so interesting.

Makes me wish we’d gotten to see Kendra and Faith meet even more. I used to think they would clash and take a long time to warm up to each other. But now I’m wondering if they wouldn’t be off tying up vamps and enjoying the kill together.

[jennycalendar]

part of why the "is Willow bi or gay" frustrates me is because there's so many avenues to explore the biphobia in BTVS? like the moment Buffy starts having fun with Faith the narrative punishes her, or vampires get to be bi because "sexy evil". you don't have to pick the one lesbian for this debate I guess?

i do understand where you're coming from! i just don't think there's an answer that's gonna satisfy every person here. if it's been 20 years and there are still people who find meaning and beauty in willow being bisexual, then that says there is a compelling story that can and should coexist with the people who find meaning and beauty in willow being a lesbian.

i don't want to carve anything into the rocks and say This Is Irrefutable And Can Never Change -- not about any part of this story, or any story! to me fandom is all about transformative works. it's gotta be in flux. debate implies that it's one side vs. the other. i think all sides should exist at the same time.

[bodytoflame-ao3]

FIC: i can't hide from you like i hide from myself

Buffy's spent four years trying to forget the revelation that her and Faith are soulmates, whatever that means.

Faith's been tracing a scar that's not hers for months.

(Giles, frankly, is terrified.)

10, 983 words; complete; explicit

Read on Ao3

“Am I being punished, Giles? Am I cursed?”

Giles pushes his glasses up. “No—” He clears his throat, sliding his open book toward her, “quite the opposite, I believe.”

“Giles, please tell me this is a joke.”

“Hardly. The concept of soulmates is long-standing, with myths and accounts dating back thousands of years in plenty of cultures across the world—”

“You know that’s not what I meant!”

He sighs. “There’s many variations on the concept, but one moreso than others: a grave injury dealt to one will leave a mark on the other. It’s, erm, somewhat more well-documented with Slayers, due to the penchant for harm. Still, very rare.”

“Okay, cool, soulmates exist! Big deal! I’m a bit more hung up on the part where you seem to be implying mine is Faith.”

Because there’s no way. Faith is evil, and, well, a girl, more (or less?) importantly.

“Ah, yes… that.”

He’s cleaning his glasses again, and Buffy’s starting to wonder if it’s some weird coping strategy.

“While I’m aware the popular narrative tends to highlight the idea of romantic soulmates, the truth is, it’s often much more complicated than that. A platonic, even spiritual link—”

“Are you just trying to make me feel better?” She asks, crossing her arms.

“No, Buffy. It’s in the book if you’d rather read it for yourself.”

He gestures to the book in front of her — the one she’s been deliberately avoiding looking at.

That would make it too real. Which it definitely isn’t. “I’d rather not.”

“It is quite possible it has something to do with you both being the Slayer. It’s never happened before, so I’m afraid I have no reference.”

“Can we talk about literally anything else now? Like, I don’t know, the rapidly approaching apocalypse?”

“Potential apocalypse,” he clarifies, “hopefully an averted one if all goes well.”

“Hey, look on the bright side. You get to blow stuff up.”

“Perhaps I’d be more excited if it weren’t an institute of learning.”

“Yeah, but this one’s on top of a gateway to hell. I say that makes it even.”

Giles sighs, and shakes his head, hiding his smile and holding back laughter.

The moment passes, and he goes back to his research, while Buffy traces the wood grain of the table, just past the book.

“It’s just, if Faith is my soulmate — and I’m not saying she is — why does she hate me? What, are we like fated enemies?”

“It’s unlikely. The book speaks of a close bond that can reveal deep personal truths. And… are you sure that’s how she feels?”

“Giles,” Buffy says, looking him in the eyes. “If she didn’t before, she does now.”

“And what the future could hold?”

“Probably not a lot. I mean… the way we fought together, yeah, I get it, but… there’s no coming back from almost killing someone.”

“She was trying to harm you. It was self-defense.”

“And you think that’ll make her feel any better about the fact that I stabbed her? If she even wakes up?”

“I can’t claim to understand the mind of a teenage girl, but I do understand these books, Buffy. This is a unique bond, one that can’t be broken by mortal affairs.”

She’s been thinking about what Giles said to her that day since Faith showed up in her living room. Thinking about it, and trying to forget it.

--

“B?” Faith’s voice rings through the empty house from the foyer. Closer; “I know you’re here.”

She’s been thinking it about it since he told her. In a lot of different ways. The whole five stages of grief, really. If the thought of Faith’s lips on her own had ever crossed her mind, she made sure it didn’t show.

Because she so hasn’t spent the last four years thinking about it; pushing the dreams where she kisses Faith into the deepest depths of her mind where no one can find them.

Buffy sighs, calling out: “Go away.”

There’s too many other things to deal with to think about them.

A moment later, she leans against the doorway, arms crossed. “No. We gotta talk.”

She looks as cool and collected as she’s ever been; always an air of ease about her. Like nothing matters. She’s said as much in the past. But that’s just what people say, right?

Buffy has experience with pretending to be fine. “I don’t need any pity, I just want to be alone.”

Maybe she’s just here to laugh in her face. It would be easier for both of them if she was.

“Just wanted to… make sure you were okay. I’d say it’s not safe for a girl to be alone in this town at night, but… abandoned or not, we both know you can hold your own,” She says, smirking. “But… all that… it was fucked up, kicking you out of your own house.”

Buffy sits up, running her fingers through the side of her hair that was on the pillow. “Yeah.”

“And… I’m sorry I didn’t do anything about it. Truth is, I was freaked, y’know, I just got back here, you guys barely trust me, and I didn’t wanna make things worse.”

The tension between them is as strong as ever, and what Faith knows is only half of it. It’s been different for Buffy since that night on the rooftop. Faith might not know it, but Buffy trusts her — while she’s not quite ready to put it in writing… she does. She knows she shouldn’t, but it’s hard not to. There’s been an inexplicable draw between them since they first met.

She wonders if Faith feels it too.

“No, no, I get it, it’s… fine.”

“Yeah, I…” She scratches the back of her neck sheepishly, takes a step into the room, and the entire atmosphere changes. “It’s really not, B. Look, I came back here to try and make at least some things right, and that’s like, the opposite of it.”

“You didn’t kick me out.”

“But I said you needed to cool it, and… I mean, I think you were a little hard on ‘em, but I never would’ve said it if I knew they were gonna—”

“But you didn’t.” A beat. “Why did you come here, Faith?”

“I saw the First,” she admits, “and… I knew he wasn’t real, but it still freaked me out.”

“Yeah. It tends to do that.” Buffy wants to ask her what she saw, but she doesn’t — hopes Faith will offer it up on her own, but doesn’t want to push. They know too many dead people, and Buffy doesn’t know her life before Sunnydale. Though, she’s always wanted to.

“It was the Mayor. Like he hadn’t aged a day— I guess he wasn’t really doin’ that before, either, but… y’know what I mean.” She smiles, just a bit. “It was weird. Like he… it knew everything, and knew how it would make me feel. Why’s this shit gotta be all different? I was fine when it was just big baddies to punch, but I’m out of my element here.”

The more human they are… the harder they are to kill. Not just mentally, the act of killing something so similar to yourself, but because of the way they know how humans work, act, think, feel… They can manipulate you. In her dreams, she fears she’s been playing into what the First wants this whole time.

“This isn’t my kind of thing either,” Buffy says, joking (and somewhat serious), “Hey, maybe you’ll be less reckless than me. Show them things’ve really changed.”

Maybe Faith was right. Maybe she is the good Slayer now. Maybe that’s what the Slayer has to be to beat this thing.

Faith scoffs. “B, I don’t wanna be in charge. I can’t, I'm not good. You gotta come back and talk some sense into them.”

“Yeah, in my experience, not wanting stuff doesn’t usually seem to do much to stop it.” And that’s basically everything in her life since she found out she was the Slayer.

Faith glares at her.

“I don’t know what you want me to say. They want you.”

“They don’t know what I am.”

“To them, you’re a Slayer. You’re who they could be someday.” They don’t see her past. Hell, they don’t know it. But she’s cooler than Buffy, and they’re just looking for some sense of normal. And Faith is… somehow, more normal. On the outside. And they like that idea more than the reality of me.

“I can’t… I don’t know the plan. I barely even know what we’re up against here.”

“God, I wish there was a plan.”

“There’s no plan?”

She shrugs, trying not to show her dread at how absolutely fucked they are. “Not past ‘destroy ancient evil’ and ‘get brunch’ — that was Andrew’s idea.”

“That’s it?”

“…I thought the brunch part sounded pretty good,” she offers — it’s easy to say, not full of dread and darkness, and it’s how they’ve always coped.

“Yeah, if we’re not dead.”

Buffy smiles, and nods toward the space next to her. Faith’s presence has always felt natural, especially when she’s close.

Tentatively, Faith crosses the distance between them, and sits down. “Look, we need you. They do, even if they won’t say it, and I know I do.”

Maybe, somewhere, she knows that — that it’s always been her duty, her responsibility, her mission to take care of the people in her life, even the ones she barely knows. She meant what she said to Faith — these girls could be them someday — and she owes it to her younger self to look out for them. But she also knows what she was like at sixteen — what Faith was like at sixteen, and it might be easy to make that argument at twenty-one, but it’s a lot harder to accept it when your entire world’s been thrown into a tailspin, and all you want is an ounce of control. To not follow the rules for once.

Buffy sees worry fall across Faith’s face when she doesn’t respond. She looks into her eyes, and asks, “Are you mad at me? ‘Cause you sound like you’re mad at me.”

Faith’s gaze on her feels way more overwhelming than it should; huge and brown, brows furrowed. They get her flustered, and she stumbles over the accusation when she answers.

“No! I’m not, I… I’m mad at everything.”

“B, come on… it’s like you’re still walking on eggshells around me. What’s it gonna take? I’m here.”

She’s the only one here. Hell, she exists, when she shouldn’t — or maybe, that’s Buffy. “I know. I know, and I can’t thank you enough—”

“Then how come you don’t flinch when Angel’s around? Hell, even Spike seems to get a pass, and don’t give me the soul bullshit.”

Because I’m afraid if you touch me I won’t be able to stop myself. Even admitting that to herself feels terrifying.

“That’s… different.”

“How come?” She chuckles, “Cause you slept with ‘em?”

Buffy blushes bright red at her suggestion, shaking her head in an attempt to get the intrusive thoughts out — the ones that are currently chaining together the words ‘sleeping with Faith’ — “No!”

“So level with me, okay?” Faith asks, entirely serious, all traces of teasing gone from her voice. “What’s different? ‘Cause me and Angel, we’ve done a lot of things we regret. To you in particular. And I would’ve hated to admit it even a year ago, but we’re a lot more alike than I thought. Look, I’ve been trying to do good. I wanna keep doing it, but not alone. I said it before, and it’s still true, we’re the same. I don’t wanna just be the chosen one.”

Faith looks… older. Stronger. It shouldn’t surprise her. Older makes sense, and, well, she had a lot of free time to build up more muscle… In her mind, she was still envisioning her as that scared girl. The one who covered up her insecurity with snark and sultry. Until a second ago. And it’s like seeing her for the first time again, beautiful, and strong, and fiery, and passionate. Wanting — wanting more from what her life was before; wanting someone who understood.

But this time, Buffy gets it.

“Chosen Two,” Buffy says, remembering her words.

She nods.

Buffy takes a breath; lifts the hem of her shirt gently. “It’s different because of this.”

Faith’s hand reaches out, the lightest touch of her fingertips touching the scar. Buffy doesn’t flinch; fights the instinct until it fades.

She doesn’t speak for a few seconds. “B, I don’t… where, uh… where’d you get this?”

“You,” she says, simply. Or— “or, well, me.” She still feels guilty; asks, bluntly, “Do you believe in soulmates?”

She scoffs.

“This showed up the day after…” Buffy trails off, entirely unsure how to phrase it.

Faith shifts uncomfortably. “Gee, no wonder they thought you were losin’ it.”

“Faith…” She can feel her retreating.

“Too soon?” she quips, her body language suddenly stiff.

“I know you know.” It’s a bold claim. Buffy doesn’t, not really. She just has a feeling — the way she hesitated before she asked about the scar, the way she’s withdrawing back into herself now.

The way she’s always been one step ahead of what Faith was willing to give.

“It’s whatever, B. No big deal. Bigger shit to deal with than old fairy tales. Let’s get you back home and figure out—”

Buffy cuts her off. That’s the one thing she isn’t willing to do now. “No. I’m not going back there.”

“Alright. Suit yourself,” she sighs, going to stand up—

She can’t go. Buffy grabs her hand. “Stay. Please.”

Faith shakes her head, offering a hard gaze back at her. “It doesn’t mean what you think it means.”

“Why not?” Buffy challenges, pouting. But she doesn’t even know what she’s asking for, what she wants Faith to stay for.

“I don’t do shit like that,” Faith says, blunt.

And maybe that’s true. Buffy’s never done anything like this (whatever it is) either, and still… there’s some part of her that’s drawn to Faith; needs her here. It wasn’t like this when she was gone — far away where Buffy didn’t have to (but did) think about her. Now that she’s close, it’s like everything’s a million times bigger, more connected.

“So you’re saying… what exactly?” Because she thought she knew what Faith wanted — her. That’s what she’s always wanted, right? Why she did everything she did, why she came back?

She pulls her hand away, standing up and wiping her palms on her thighs. “Yeah, we’re connected. But not like that.”

“So, how is it?”

“The whole Slayer thing. No one else like us?”

“I… Giles told me that, when…” When I came to him crying with a scar that wasn’t mine, thinking I killed you. “And I thought he was right. I mean, he’s Giles. Always full of knowledge with the supernatural stuff, but…”

But that was the easy way to think about it. And nothing between them has ever been easy.

“Yeah, he told me too. I mean… when I was you, so… indirectly.” She sighs. “But I did my research.”

So she does know. “And?”

“And that’s it. Pretty obvious what it ain’t, what with how much you hate me. Maybe that’s what we’re destined for.”

Buffy reaches for her hand a second time; pulls back halfway there. “I never hated you.”

Faith doesn’t say anything.

“I felt like I failed you.”

Maybe she should hate her. It seems like the logical thing to do, with everything they’ve done to each other. But she can’t — she’s never been able to, really. Tried, but saying it doesn’t make it true.

“You’re not responsible for me,” Faith says, blunt, putting more space between them.

“No.” Buffy stands, taking the distance back. “No, I shouldn't've been. But I was. And you were young, and hurt, and scared, and so was I, and there’s not a day where I don’t think about all the better ways things could’ve turned out.”

Faith shakes her head. “I needed it.”

“What you needed was a mentor.”

“And I got one. Eventually.” She purses her lips. “Look, me and authority… I wouldn’t’ve listened. Hell, G tried to be that for me, and I didn’t.”

Buffy lets her speak, because she’s afraid that anything she says will ruin… something. What is this, this thing they have? She’s never been able to define it or explain it.

“I read that stupid soulmate page over and over. Probably three times before I got the courage to look down. It felt like… a punishment. And here I thought I wanted to hurt you, but… not like that.”

It felt like a punishment to Buffy. That she’d have to bear this scar for the rest of her life, reminding her of Faith and what she did. She’d always thought it would feel like a relief for Faith — getting the last word in, making her remember. But she looks like she could cry now, and it’s a foreign expression on her face.

“I never wanted to hurt you.”

“I made you.” Faith’s guilt seeps through the bond. That connection’s always been there, if she listened hard enough. Faith… didn’t mean to hurt her either.

“I— can we… can we talk about something else?”

She shakes her head. “B… there’s some shit I gotta say.”

Maybe it’s been long enough. Maybe she can let her say it now.

“I’m sorry. And I know it doesn’t mean much, but I am. None of it was meant to hurt you. I just… I wanted it to be over. I didn’t… want any of it anymore. When you came to L.A… I went there because I knew the only person that would be able to stop it was Angel.”

It feels like Faith’s crawled into her skin again, because she knows exactly what that feeling means, exactly what she’s saying. She wanted to die, and Buffy didn’t even let her — let Angel — explain. What could she even have said? She wouldn’t have understood, not yet, anyways, but now that she’s crawled out of the dirt with her bare hands, she does, too well.

“I know the feeling.”

“…Buffy.”

But Buffy doesn’t want to talk about that. “But you’re here now.”

She wants to know why.

“Of course I am.”

So she asks. “Why?”

“I told you, Willow said—”

“No,” she says, gentle as ever. Not why you’re in Sunnydale. Why you’re here, now. “Tell me the real reason.”

She takes a second to collect herself; steady her breathing before she responds. “You’ve clearly got somethin’ to say, so just say it, B.”

Maybe she can say it — the thing that’s been there, just past the surface, since they were young, when Faith was sixteen, baby-faced and pouty.

“Faith,” she says, biting her lip, and daring to step closer. “Tell me you haven’t always wanted to kiss me.”

“I… what?”

Buffy knows she’s caught her off guard, and to be honest, she hasn’t quite decided why she’s asking now. But she needs to know.

“I am so tired of people not just being honest with me. So just tell me.”

She knows her voice sounds desperate, and she’s half-expecting payback for that punch she pulled yesterday. But Faith just sounds exhausted as she stares her down, mumbles; “…Yeah.”

“Okay.”

“…‘Okay’?”

“I’m… I didn’t think I’d get this far.” Faith scrunches her brows. “I kinda thought you’d start a fight before you… admitted that.”

“You, uh, made a compelling case. Hard to say no.” Her signature snark sneaks back in, smirking as her eyes glance down.

“Oh,” is all Buffy can say as she watches Faith check her out. And it’s not the first time, but it’s the first time it’s put a… feeling in her gut.

“Are you saying… you wanna kiss me?” She hears innocence, hesitation in Faith’s voice, like they’re kids again.

Buffy’s been thinking about it since high school. Never wanting, just… imagining. “I think so,” she admits.

But her thoughts are clouded: with worry that she’ll ruin the semblance of an alliance they’ve built up these past few weeks; worry that if she kisses her, she might not like it; worry that she will.

She shakes her head. “You gotta be sure, B.”

Buffy’s hand traces the curve of her waist with the lightest touch, settling at the top of her hip. “I’m not, but…”

Faith can’t say no to her; runs a thumb along the edge of her jaw, tilts her chin up to meet her eyes. She has those chunky combat boots on that give her another inch over Buffy. “Your move.”

Buffy can feel her nervousness through the bond. It’s comforting — because Buffy’s terrified. She needs a second to breathe, to think. But Faith’s gaze is locked directly at her, unflinching. She really does want to kiss her — that’s a terrifying idea.

And Faith wants to kiss her. She feels that too, so desperately.

So Faith must know, must feel it too. But she doesn’t move. She waits; drops her hand to Buffy’s shoulder, but keeps looking in her eyes.

She shouldn’t want to kiss her. For plenty of reasons; none of them too convincing. She would’ve back in high school, if Faith had made the first move, despite what she’s said before. Something about her… so strong but so vulnerable… made Buffy want to figure out every part of her. If Faith had done something about it… maybe that would’ve included the part of her that was falling for Buffy.

Even now, she wants to pull her apart and figure out everything unspoken between them.

She starts with a tentative lean in, panic in her gut as she feels Faith’s surprised exhale on her lips.

They catch their breath.

Then Buffy kisses her — soft, feather-light, easy. Hands crawl across her back and pull her closer, legs interlocking, deepening the kiss.

Faith’s lips are soft. Softer than she expected. It feels wrong to imagine her any other way now, because how could she be anything else? Her face isn’t rough with stubble against hers, and the arms around her are strong and muscular, but not sharp, and it feels good.

Overwhelmingly so, so she pulls back, unsure.

“B, I—”

Faith doesn’t get another word out before Buffy realizes how much she misses the feeling and kisses her again. A hand finds the back of her neck, and Faith takes control, threading her fingers through her hair and tugging her ponytail free.

Buffy realizes that Faith’s wanted this for a long time. Not just to kiss her, but to be close to someone. She feels it in her desperate grip; the way she gasps when Buffy tangles her own hand in her curls.

And Buffy’s tired of being alone.

Faith’s hands grab her waist, sudden and sharp, pressing their bodies together, hands trailing down the small of her back and down to the roundness of her thighs. Rough hands grab at her flesh, like Faith is trying to pull her apart.

Maybe she wants her to. She spent so long just wanting to feel, and this woman — woman, she’s still processing that fact — the way she holds onto her, the desire behind it, feels better than anything.

She wants Faith. Wants her in the bodily sense, yes (and that’s another part to unpack), but more importantly, wants the connection between them she’s been trying to ignore and repress for years, the one she’s finally starting to let herself feel.

She wants to know what it’ll feel like when Faith comes.

Buffy lets out a quiet, held back moan against her lips (and tries not to, she swears). It’s like every thought she’s spent years repressing about Faith, all at once.

Faith shivers, asks, “God, what did you just think about?”

“I—” her face flushes, hot and red, “Nothing.”

“Whatever it was, it was fucking hot.”

“You… you can feel that?”

An arm wraps around her back, tracing circles. “I’ve felt it for the last three years. Left me running on fumes for hours tryin’ not to touch myself until lights out every time you got some.”

“Oh.” Her face is beet red, and Faith’s completely flipped this around on her, her confidence back in something she knows all too well — antagonizing her with flirting. She can feel Faith’s touch, so strong through her paper thin shirt.

“But if you just thinkin’ about it now…” she grins, and closes her eyes, and Buffy feels warmth pool low in her gut.

The bond’s lit up between them now, stronger than it’s ever been. She’s desperately trying to not think about Faith. Still — “What did you…?”

Faith looks her in the eyes; “Wondering what you taste like.”

Buffy’s silent. She’s fully aware of Faith pressed against her, feeling the rise and fall of her chest every time she breathes. She’s more than aware of Faith’s thigh between hers.

“I can feel you wanna kiss me, B, but what else do you wanna do?”

“I don’t know.” She really doesn’t. Not what she’s supposed to do, let alone what she wants. She doesn’t want Faith to move, so she holds on to her tighter.

“Are you scared?”

“Yeah.” Not of danger; not that Faith might hurt her. She hasn’t been this nervous since she was seventeen, and terrified she’d do something wrong.

“Tell me what feels good.”

“Your hands,” she manages to answer — Faith’s nails trace a line under her shirt and up her spine; fingers firm into her skin, nails trimmed to the quick.

“What else?”

Her eyes dart down, heaving breaths reigniting the contact between them; feels the heat of Faith’s gaze at her black bra, which she knew was on display, but feels so much more so when it’s her. And Faith’s shirt is tight, and so… low cut… and she can’t help but look — because entirely objectively, it’s hot.

She doesn’t look up. “Us. Like this.”

Faith pushes her hair behind her ear. “Yeah?”

Buffy nods, and meets her gaze, just as Faith shifts with a grin, her thigh pressing between her legs. She tries to follow, but Faith stops her with a hand on her chest, fingers resting at the base of her throat.

“You’re so pent up, B. Tell me what you want.”

It’s true, she is. It’s been months. She pulls at the loose black fabric around Faith’s stomach. “Off.”

“Done,” she says, moving her hands out of the way to pull the shirt over her head, quickly meeting her with another searing kiss, teeth gently pulling at Buffy’s bottom lip.

Faith’s hands inch her shirt up, hard pressure on her stomach, and she can’t take it. Her sleeves are long, and constricting, and the thin fabric does nothing to block the feeling of the heat of Faith’s body brushing up against her. She helps her pull it off, gasping as Faith’s hand brushes past her breast.

Buffy’s grasp settles on her belt, running her fingers along the metal ridges just below the small of her back, focusing on the tactile sensation and not the kisses Faith has started to trail down her neck. Her hands run along the studs, around her hips, thumbs stumbling with the buckle. Her hands are shaking. She wants this, she knows Faith wants this.

Faith cups her cheeks, eyes flitting down at her hands.

It’s been years since she’s been with someone she felt this closely connected to. Angel feels like a lifetime ago. And she cares about Spike — for everything that he’s done for her, for her family. Maybe she even loves him. She’s just not in love with him, not right now. Maybe she could be, some day — he has a soul, and a love for her she can’t quite wrap her head around.

But right now, Faith Lehane is looking at her with concern and adoration, heart pounding in her chest. And the now-ness of it all — that wins out.

Buffy wraps her hands underneath Faith’s thighs, pulling her up just long enough that she can turn them around, and drop her onto the bed, climbing up to straddle her hips. She’s the one on top, but it feels like she’s had the wind knocked out of her.

Faith’s stunned, flushed face below her turns her on more than she ever thought possible. If the way she bites her lip as she looks up at Buffy is any indication, it’s doing the same for her. She pauses, breathing slow and steady, hair splayed across her chest and the sheets; takes Buffy’s hand and pulls her down to kiss her again with a smile.

It hits Buffy that the last time she saw Faith smile like this was when she showed up at her house for Christmas. Was she really that blind, or did she just not want to see it? Some part of her had to know, because they’re here, and Faith’s always looked at her like she trusts her with her life, no matter what she decides to do with it.

Faith rolls them to the side, and pulls away, hand lingering on Buffy’s shoulder. “You want this?”

Buffy just nods.

“God, I—” she laughs, voice breaking, like she doesn’t believe her. “I don’t even know what to say.”

She can’t look her in the eyes, not when Faith’s touch is so tender. So she reaches out, brushing her fingers across the scar on Faith’s stomach as it catches her eye, equally delicately. “I’ve seen this every day wondering what it looks like on you.”

It looks exactly like hers, it’s almost eerie.

“You didn’t…?”

“I couldn’t.” It was already too much being reminded of it on her own body. Still, there was this morbid curiosity. “It really is the same.”

Now, it just feels like they’re the same. Just like she always said. And Faith isn’t bitter at her for it anymore (she’s not sure if she ever was).

“I had a thing for you that first night in the Bronze,” Faith breathes, a weight lifted for both of them.

“I know.” Buffy pulls at her hips by her belt buckle, hands finally confident enough to pull it open. Faith is cautious, still kissing her gently, holding back.

Buffy knows what it’s like to hold back. How it’s this pent up fire inside her gut. She pulls the belt from Faith’s jeans — wants to touch her like no one else can — fumbles with the clasp of her bra and wrenches it from her body. She can’t bring her eyes to look, but her hands are far braver, finding the swell of her breast; feeling the goosebumps prickling her skin under her touch. She kisses the edge of her jaw, the pulse point of her neck; drags her teeth across the soft skin.

“Fuck,” Faith whispers, a rasp in her voice.

A hand palms Buffy’s breast, and despite the layers of fabric, she finds her body jumping at the contact. Her hands are small; fingertips digging into the flesh just above her bra. She senses Faith’s hesitation, but she doesn’t want to lose her touch, covering the hand on her chest with her own, keeping her there.

She murmurs into Faith’s neck, “You’re in your head again. I want you.”

Her words must light up something within Faith, because she brings Buffy’s lips to hers again, digging her nails into her cleavage.

“B, take it off,” she manages, between kisses.

She does, and she doesn’t even feel shy about it — especially not when Faith’s immediate response is to bring her hands to one breast, and her lips to another. Buffy threads her fingers through her hair, unsure what else to do with her hands. Even with the lingering questions of ‘oh god am I doing this right’, she silently wishes she figured… whatever this is… out sooner. (And makes a horribly cursed mental note to ask Willow if she’s always been having foreplay this good).

Her open-mouthed ministrations trail up to her neck, fingers on her collarbone, pulling the skin between her lips, intent on leaving a bruise. It’s the right side of her neck — Faith’s lips just barely overlap two jagged puncture marks.. The scar tugs, but the pain fades into the background with the rest of Faith’s attention. Buffy almost wishes the mark would last longer, but it’ll be gone by morning.

Buffy pulls Faith closer, intertwining their legs; she feels Faith’s chest press up against hers, feels the girl shift in her arms as hard peaks brush together. Faith’s toeing a careful line between her own arousal and taking Buffy through this slow. She’s never wanted slow — they’ve never been slow.

Faith rocks into her thigh, grip on her shoulder tightening. Buffy undoes the button of her jeans, reaching for the zipper, but Faith’s hands stop her, pinning her on her back with her arms above her head. “Let me,” she says, panting above her, hair falling down into Buffy’s face. “Please.”

It feels like fighting, and Buffy doesn’t think she’ll ever be able to look at her the same way again, especially not in training.

She nods, meek and silent, watching intently as Faith’s demeanor shifts, trailing a teasing touch down her stomach. “What can I do?”

“Anything,” Buffy answers.

Without missing a beat, she unzips her boots and kicks them to the floor. “Anything, anything?”

“Yeah.”

With the wide opportunity Buffy’s given her… Faith kisses the scar on her stomach. It’s more intimate than any other touch they’ve shared tonight. She doesn’t even give Buffy time to process it: Thumbs play with the button on her striped jeans, and she feels heat settle between her thighs with no immediate explanation.

Faith looks up at her with a soft grin, explains, “I kinda wanna find out, B.”

She remembers Faith’s words, and guides her hands to the zipper, undoing the button herself. “Then get these off.”

Buffy manages to get out of them without too much hassle, breathing rapidly underneath her.

“You’re so fucking hot,” Faith says.

She blushes.

“Do you know how many times I’ve gotten myself off wishing it was you?”

Buffy wants it to be her this time. She wants to touch her even if she’s not quite sure how. She looks so beautiful like this — already knows she looks even better beneath her — wants to see her all strung out in bliss.

But Faith wants her first, she can feel that. And she wants that too. She’s so tense; heat low in her body frustrating to no end — feels it in Faith too, stronger, and wonders how she could want like this, ahead of her own needs. She’s crawling her way down Buffy’s body, kisses on her collarbones, her sternum, her navel.

Thumbs hook under the cotton at her hipbones, hot breaths on her belly as Faith leans in and propositions, “I’ll make you beg, if you can take it.”

She squirms, hips lifting off the bed until she presses up against Faith. “No, please.”

“Close enough.” Faith looks… unbelievably hot, looking up at her with the sweetest and most devilish grin. She pulls the fabric past her knees, leaving Buffy to kick them off.

She looks like she wants to devour her.

“Maybe I do.” Her voice is low and husky, and Buffy can’t even bring herself to be embarrassed that she spoke out loud.

Lips graze the top of her leg, delicate fingertips tracing the curve of her hips. Fingers pull at the inside of her thigh, replaced by soft lips, sucking bruises into thin skin.

If there’s any doubt left in Buffy’s mind, it disappears then. It feels weird, the idea of a woman’s face between her thighs; but it’s never felt like this. She’s been here, before, with men, but now she can feel how turned on Faith is, and it just fuels her even more. Buffy tugs at her hair, not entirely gently, and the laugh that escapes Faith’s lips vibrates through her body.

“Should’ve figured you like it like that,” she says, shifting her attention to her other thigh.

“You do too.”

“No point in hiding it, huh?”

She’s so slow, and so close; winding her up, so calculated and deliberately. Buffy pulls her hair again, insistent. “Please shut up.”

Faith exhales, and pulls her legs apart, one finger a tentative, ghost touch up the seam where her thigh meets her torso.

“Faith,” she says, strained, hips bucking up as Faith lays a hand on her hip bone, pressing her into the mattress.

She’s not quite sure what else she was going to say to her — it all goes out the window when two gentle fingers slide between her lips and feel how absolutely wet she is.

“I can’t believe I did this to you.”

Half of Buffy wants to pull her closer, and the other half wants to find out how long Faith’s willing to let this go on. “I need…”

“You want me inside you, B?”

Buffy’s voice comes out all breathy and high; “Yeah.”

She teases her, silent, fingers dragging their way back down, a lighter touch than before. Buffy watches the smile on Faith’s face as she tries to press harder into her touch. She circles, lips kissing her thighs again; finally, gently presses two fingertips inside her as she pulls Buffy’s thigh between her teeth.

“Faith—”

“I know, Buffy,” she says, breaths slow and heavy, pulling her hand back the most minuscule distance. “I know you want more, ‘cause I feel it in my body.”

Her fingers dip deeper, so slow, and Buffy asks, “Bite me for real?”

Faith doesn’t say a word, but the next stroke of her fingers is accompanied by a sting between Buffy’s thighs. She bites down hard, and god, it’s not about the pain — because Faith can’t hurt her like that — because it feels so good. Buffy always thought it was the danger, or maybe something inherent about a vampire’s bite that made it so pleasurable; but it feels even better now. Faith doesn’t ask questions; doesn’t tease her, just sinks deeper, but Buffy still needs more.

And Faith has to know that — not just from the connection between them — because Buffy’s pulling her, by long dark locks, away from her thighs. She takes the hint.

She pauses, her hand going still, and Buffy can feel her breath, heavy and warm. Before she can speak again — humiliate herself some more and beg — Faith’s tongue is touching her, sweeping up, just shy of where Buffy actually wants her.

She swears under her breath.

Faith’s lips brush her clit, her fingers hooking inside her. She’s soft, and gentle, and all the things Buffy didn't think she could be. “Fuck— Faith, I’m not gonna break.”

“Wanna take care of you,” she mumbles.

She wants Faith to fuck her, but she just whispers back, “Okay.”

Faith pushes deeper, tongue circling and finding a million new ways to drive Buffy to her breaking point. She teases, and kisses, and Buffy can’t take it, but she also doesn’t want her to stop. She wants to know if Faith was always like this in bed, or if she’s taking things so delicately because of their history. If there’s another side to her, she wants to meet that Faith. She wants to touch her like this, make her squirm and beg until she can’t remember her own name. It was almost inevitable; they’ve always been hurtling toward this moment, and Buffy wonders how different things would be if Faith had been confident enough to kiss her before… before everything. She would’ve stolen kisses in the library; danced even closer on the floor of the Bronze; snuck out with her and pinned her to a tombstone. She would’ve stood up for her more.

Her lips capture Buffy’s clit, and Buffy’s fists tighten in her hair, and they both moan. Buffy can’t even find the words to tease her about it — just files it away in the tiny part of her brain not thinking about Faith’s ministrations. No one’s ever gotten her this close this fast — it’s almost embarrassing.

She comes quietly, only letting out a surprised hum when Faith climbs back up her body and kisses her after licking her fingers clean; it feels dirty.

Faith’s as sultry as ever, oozing confidence Buffy didn’t think was possible. Her eyes are full of fire, energy radiating from her stare, soft, but also looking like she wants to go ten more times. Like she worships her. “God, seeing you like this…”

Buffy’s breathing heavily; “I don’t know if I can handle you.”

“No?” she murmurs, caressing the curve of her bare hip.

She shakes her head.

“Me either,” she admits.

Buffy pulls her closer by her belt loops, unzipping her jeans and tugging at the waist. She wants to feel her close.

She knows this body. How it feels, how it moves. And she knows what to expect from a woman’s body… conceptually, but right now, the idea of one beside her own feels so foreign.

They’re both so different now. And still, the same: Faith is the tiniest bit paler, but so is she; less days and more nights. Older; Buffy’s face less round, sharper, and hers softer, eyes wider. Yet Faith’s face still feels as familiar to her as it was back in high school, and she wants to learn the rest of her.

She wrestles with her jeans, skin-tight, pulling them over her hips, learning her curves as she goes. Faith rolls to the side to finish kicking them off, and Buffy’s surprised at how much she misses her presence. When she’s done, she pulls Buffy on top of her, closer than they were before, skin against skin.

Not fully what she expected, her face flushes bright red, and Faith laughs.

God, she’s so fucking frustrating, Buffy thinks, and shuts her up with a kiss. Her lips taste like sex, like her, and it doesn’t feel wrong anymore. There’s no space between them, and Faith’s skin on hers feels like fire. Faith’s hands are wrapped around her back, digging into her, desperately holding on to her.

And Buffy knows what she feels; how desperate she is to keep her there. “Not going anywhere,” she says, lips still brushing hers.

She really wants to touch her now — enough that it pushes past the fear into the forefront of her mind — even if the specifics are still a little hazy. Shifting some weight off her, she kneels beside her without breaking their kiss. Faith's hands follow her, pulling and grabbing, almost frantic; she wants this so badly.

It would be rude not to give it to her, all things considered.

Her hand trails down Faith’s chest, splaying her fingers across her sternum — feeling the heavy rise and fall of her breath, and the stiffness of her muscles, harder than her own. She kisses her neck, reveling in how smooth her skin is, versus how Faith’s fingernails feel as they scrape her back.

Buffy reaches her hip, palm pressing into the bone, and one of Faith’s hands joins her, urging her thumbs under the last piece of fabric on her body. Why does it feel so daunting? Faith’s seen her naked now; touched every inch of her body, left bruises down her thighs that have already started to fade. It should be easy to do the same, and she wants to.

It’s a fight she never expected, purely in her mind, a subject both familiar and unfamiliar. The last time she felt this nervous about sleeping with someone was after Angel. Despite the impossibility, there was that nagging worry it would happen again. It kind of did.

And she knows Faith won’t leave — won’t treat her like a body to be claimed for a night — because she… she’s always felt this way about her. Always wanted Buffy in her bed, even more so, in her arms. Even if she talked a big game, it was different with her. For everything. Buffy knows that now, with the desperate way she kisses her.

So maybe it’s right that they’re connected… however they are. She still isn’t sure if she 100% believes in the whole soulmates deal. What she does know, though, is it’s not just the Slayer line that ties them together.

Faith’s hands are on her neck, her body arcing up into her touch, and Buffy feels her desire as if it’s her own. It’s not — it’s hers, distinctly different — a flush of heat through her whole body. Somehow, she knows, feels exactly how Faith wants to be touched.

She tentatively tugs at the waistband of her underwear, but Faith doesn’t help. She just pulls Buffy from her neck, and tilts her chin up; makes her look at her as she takes them off, nodding her encouragement.

Buffy stares into big brown eyes, watches her focus drop to her lips before darting back up. She’s never seen her this quiet, always full of some sort of snark or innuendo. It’s sweet, and she realizes… that’s what Faith wants this to be. Even if she won’t say it, she wants it to be romantic; soft and slow, no matter how frantic her hands get. And she can work with that. She can give her that.

Her hand slips between Faith’s thighs, pressed together and looking for even the tiniest bit of friction from her own body. She’s been waiting this whole time — patiently, almost.

Buffy can’t look her in the eyes if she’s going to… well, she’s definitely doing this, so she pulls her back into a kiss; bodies closer together — she’s amazed at how well they fit, all soft curves. She’s all pressed up to Faith’s side, knee wedged between her thighs; and her skin is so warm, and her lips are so soft, her kisses so incessant. Faith’s hands are on her face and her back, and they’ve been inside her, and Buffy… she needs to feel it all, for herself.

She starts tentative; Faith’s hips buck into her hand, and she bites Buffy’s lip. The only thing that keeps her on track is the knowledge of how insanely strung up the girl in her arms is. Her breath hitches, gripping Buffy’s shoulder as her fingertips barely touch her.

With even the lightest touch, she still feels how wet she is. It’s exciting, knowing it’s her that’s turned her on this much. She gets braver, dragging a finger through folds of flesh, carefully, slowly. Faith’s response is to kiss her deeper, to let out the softest moan against her lips.

“B,” she says, breathing heavily, “I can’t take much more.”

Having Faith — anyone — this desperate makes her stomach do flips. Especially when, if she focuses, she can feel it for herself.

“Sorry,” she says, feeling the blush creep up her face. She’s trying to rack up the courage not to just tease her for eternity. She circles, far from where Faith wants her, trying to give her something more.

Faith bites her lip, nodding almost imperceptibly. “Please.”

God, it makes her want to melt, and that’s enough. She presses inside her, and it feels so much better than the times she’s touched herself. She can feel every part of Faith’s reaction — the way her muscles tense, how her fingers dig into Buffy’s arm, and her forehead, damp with sweat, rests on her shoulder. Faith doesn’t want her to slow down. And Buffy, well… she likes touching her like this — likes hearing her sharp breaths at every new touch, and feeling her response — likes this woman she’s with. So she doesn’t. She sinks further, until the heel of her palm is pressing into hot skin, and Faith’s immediate response is to say:

“More.”

She’s not asking, and besides, Buffy isn’t interested in saying no. She gives her another finger, and sets a slow pace. Faith’s labored pants are heavy against her, hot and… well hot, as in massively attractive. Her face lights up in a pleasured smile, and it almost sounds like she laughs as Buffy moves faster. She kisses her neck, intent on leaving a mark for at least the night, and Faith encourages her with the softest yes in her ear.

It might be mean, but in her hesitation, she’s noticed how sexy it is to tease her — the power trip; how much it turns Faith on even more to be wanting with no control. Faith’s silently asking for more, but Buffy stills, curling her fingertips, and waits until she actually asks.

Faith speaks up almost immediately, her voice raspy, “Buffy, don’t stop.”

“Ask nice.”

“Please?”

“Good girl,” she whispers, without a second thought, not even sure where the words came from — but Faith seems to like it, because her whole body reacts, shuddering. It’s like lightning through Buffy.

She pulls Buffy’s lips away from her neck and to her own, hips arching further into her touch. Buffy lifts her thumb to attempt to give her more; all awkward angles and fumbling, and it’s not easy. Faith brings her own hand between them, pushes Buffy away frantically.

Weirdly, she feels almost… jealous, because she wants to be the one that makes her come… but she’s also the one with her fingers inside Faith, so she guesses that counts. Her own mind is getting a little hazy, because the closer she brings Faith to the edge, the more she can feel in her own body; waves of pleasure with no source. So she lets her.

When Faith tips over the edge — god, she was right to wonder — it’s like Buffy’s falling with her, completely separate from her own body. Faith’s pleasure feels like a part of her, but she doesn’t feel it in her body. It’s what she imagines a phantom limb might feel like, but good.

Sweat beads on Faith’s forehead. She taps Buffy’s wrist.

Cool air hits her fingers, and she’s so curious about what Faith tastes like, but her body feels frozen.

“B,” Faith whispers, kissing her softly, inbetween deep breaths, “You’re… god, I…”

Her lips follow along lazily, letting Faith lead. She feels so alive — full of fire, like she was before. There was a time where all Buffy saw in her eyes was emptiness. When she pulls away, she sees trust.

“That was…”

“Fucking incredible?”

She nods.

Faith smirks, leaning up on her elbow, takes a gentle hold on Buffy’s wrist and lifts her hand off her thigh.

“You’re such a priss.”

“Not exactly the expert here.”

She rolls her eyes, and all Buffy can do is watch as she takes her fingers into her mouth.

Like it’s nothing; “You’re missing out.”

Buffy blushes.

“Sorry,” she chuckles, a low rumble that Buffy feels in places she shouldn’t, “Fucking cute when you’re all Saint Buffy.”

She’s never seen Faith this happy. She looks at Buffy with this light in her eyes, and holds on to her so tight. It’s hard to imagine why Faith wants her like this after everything they’ve been through.

“You feel it all too? Everything you did to me?”

“Yeah,” Buffy admits.

Faith’s smile falters, and she brushes a piece of hair out of Buffy’s face. “Felt it when you got hurt too. You die a third time?”

“Technically,” she admits.

Her fingers run across the scar on her chest. “Gotta stop doin’ that.”

“I didn’t…” She didn’t notice — didn’t even look. “You too?”

Faith doesn’t answer, just guides her hand to her chest; a mirror image.

She’s in bed with Faith, in a stranger’s bed, and it should feel weird, wrong — but it just feels comforting. They share scars, and pain; powers, and a destiny.

“Hurt like hell,” she says, and Buffy realizes she’s looking at her for confirmation.

She nods. It did.

“I mean it. You matter, B. No matter what they say or do, they care about you. Don’t make with the recklessness.”

There was a time when Buffy thought she might be okay with, or even want to die. It’s been a while — and she doesn’t want to die.

“Goes for you too.”

Faith nods; an acknowledgment.

Buffy knows she thinks everyone hates her. It’s so much more complicated than that. And the only thing that matters is that Buffy wants her to stay — not just because of the connection they have, but because she cares about her. She likes Faith, she always has, because she’s strong, and bold, and she’s got this wit that Buffy was always jealous of. But she isn’t unafraid. She doesn’t ever want to show it, but that’s the thing — even if she doesn’t know why or how, Buffy always has some sort of sense of how she’s feeling.

And she was just a scared teenager. They both were. Now, here they are, years later and still just as scared. There’s something comforting about that, which Buffy thinks might be just a little fucked up, but it doesn’t matter. Maybe it’s the Slayer connection; maybe they’re soulmates. It’s not like she’ll ever be able to tell the difference. The entire world could end in a few days and all she wants is this moment — now, laying in her arms, feeling wanted and understood.

But it can’t last forever. They have responsibilities, and people counting on them — the fate of thousands of girls on the line.

She catches a glimpse of Faith’s chest out of the corner of her eye. “We should… clothes.”

Faith pulls away without a word, sitting up and stretching her arms and shoulders out.

Buffy looks away before her thoughts have a chance to go anywhere else. She leans over the side of the bed; finds her shirt on the floor, and her underwear behind the pillows. Haphazardly, she dresses herself while Faith’s back is turned — she takes the long way around the bed — and pulls her legs up to her chest when she’s done, trying to hide the transparency of her shirt and her lack of bra.

Faith’s hips sway as she wanders over to collect her things from the floor. Buffy’s eyes don’t stray, purely fixated on her figure as she pulls on her underwear. Faith turns around, sees her watching, and smirks, but Buffy doesn’t look away because she’s not ashamed of admiring her. In fact, she’s kind of transfixed by her body. Not that she hasn’t carefully analyzed her own in the mirror — she’s just never looked at a woman like this with such… intrigue. When she looks close, she notices Faith has abs, but they’re soft and rounded into her stomach, contoured but not chiseled.

Faith dresses herself casually, not making a show of it, but deliberately meeting Buffy’s gaze — bra, then shirt, all black fabric. She doesn’t make a snarky comment about Buffy’s blatant ogling.

Instead, she walks back over, and with a hand on Buffy’s knee, gently spins her to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Will you come back with me?” she asks, taking Buffy’s hand, her jeans draped over her other arm — ready to pull her to her feet.

Faith’s looking in her eyes, not at her body, and Buffy knows she’s sincere — but this kind of vulnerability makes her feel more naked.

“I… I don’t know.”

“They put me in charge. Kinda can’t argue with what I decide to do with that,” she chuckles, before her smile disappears. “And I don’t want you alone here. City’s not fucking safe. And we’re safer with you there.”

She purses her lips. They don’t want her there. Her friends don’t want her there. Her sister doesn’t even want her there. But Faith does, beyond all reason.

What’s stopping them from putting someone else in charge if they don’t like her choices? She'd rather have Faith in charge than… Andrew.

But they are her friends. Hell, they’re her family at this point. She can’t just leave them. So maybe tomorrow.

“I’ll think about it,” she offers, hoping it’s enough.

“Yeah,” she nods, dropping her hand. “Sleep on it. ’S all I’m asking.”

“Um, your… socks are over there.” Buffy points to the corner, where one’s managed to land on the lampshade, the other in the middle of the floor.

Faith laughs, “Damn.”

“So… we should probably…”

Talk about… everything.

Something almost tangible’s changed between them now.

It only hits her then: God, I slept with Faith. And I’m kind of okay with that.

“Probably, but… look, if we die by next Tuesday, we never have to talk about it, so… table it ’til then?” Faith jokes, smiling softly.

She can’t be alone now. Not after this.

For whatever reason — fate, or luck, or the meddling of the Powers-That-Be — there’s something connecting them, something deep and strong and tied into their very being. Maybe it’s the Slayer. But maybe it’s not. Maybe it was inevitable they’d fall into bed together eventually, no matter how far down the line.

Buffy shakes her head. “Save the talk for then, but don’t leave me.”

I just need tonight.

Faith nods; lays the rest of her things on the floor, and her bra joins them as she reaches into her shirt to pull it off. She does it without words — without question of what Buffy wants from her — pulls a folded-up blanket from the foot of the bed, climbs across and drapes it over Buffy’s shoulders.

“Hey,” Faith says, sitting cross-legged behind her, leaning her chin on Buffy’s shoulder. “We got this. Chosen Two, right? So let’s just pretend everything’s fine for tonight. Let’s pretend this is normal, and not as fucked up as it is.”

Reaching back, she touches Faith’s knee. “Okay.”

With Faith behind her, she can imagine a younger girl, and her younger self. Eyes closed, she can picture her bedroom and the few times Faith ended up in her bed. Innocent, by all measures. She distinctly remembers one:

Buffy had basically forced them all into a Scooby movie night, with her executive decision to rent 10 Things I Hate About You. Faith made it clear that she hated rom-coms, and thought they were the lowest, most soulless form of entertainment.

After, when Buffy, Willow, and Cordelia were a crying wreck (and she swears she saw a tear or two out of Oz), Faith, unaffected, promised Buffy that one day, she’d show her a ‘real’ movie. Everyone except Buffy and Faith crashed on the couch or floor somewhere during the first 30 minutes of whatever movie they put on next. It was well past two, and even so, Buffy had to convince her to stay (the final selling point being her mom’s mean pancake breakfast). She remembers blushing when Faith slipped under the sheets of her bed in just her underwear and one of Buffy’s t-shirts.

It was the most normal they’d ever been together. Regular teenage girl stuff, for completely normal teenage girls. A week later it all fell apart.

There was at least one more — that time they fell asleep after patching each other up, wounds gone by morning. Maybe there was a third. Buffy can’t remember — but she can imagine it. And if that Faith kissed her shoulder, maybe it could still feel as good and right as it does now. If only she had let herself feel that way.

Faith shifts, and Buffy realizes that she’s laying down.

Made the bed, might as well lie in it.

She turns toward Faith, pulling her legs up onto the bed. Lays down, and drapes the blanket over both of them.

They’re not close, but not far; arms length. Faith takes her hands and pulls her in. “Warm enough?”

There’s no heat in the house. It’s May in California, and somehow, Faith’s radiating warmth. “All good.”

She chuckles. “That was flirting, by the way. You’re always frickin’ cold.”

“Am not!”

“C’mon, who wears a jacket for 60 and sunny?”

“Most of Southern California?”

It’s so good to talk to her like this again. Everything just seems to fall into place. It’s like nothing’s changed since that night they first met, even though they’re entirely different people now. Seeing Faith laugh and smile again, and really mean it… it’s like seeing her for the first time again.

“God, you wouldn’t last a day up north. 60’s when we break out the shorts. If it weren’t for the workplace hazards…”

It’s another reminder of how quick they’ve grown up.

“Ugh, I hate that we’re all practical now — I wouldn’t go slaying in a skirt if you paid me. And I can’t believe I’m saying that. Is this what being a responsible adult is?”

Faith grins, “If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think sex in a stranger’s bed while trying to vanquish an ultimate evil is responsible.”

Her hand runs up and down the curve of her waist, and Buffy doesn’t ever want her to stop.

“Point taken,” Buffy says, ignoring the heat in her face.

“Now, last time we were in the same bed together…” Faith starts, tone turning playful, “You made fun of my underwear.”

Only because I was trying to distract you from my tomato-face. Which I’m kinda trying to do now, too.

She darts back— “And I see nothing’s changed; still boring.”

“Black’s not boring, B, it’s sexy.”

“…You’re hotter without them.”

Why did I say that?

“Didn’t know you could talk like that.”

“I… can’t,” she laughs, unable to keep a straight face. So much for the sexy.

“Fun to watch you try, though.”

And she’s kind of mortified, but it’s also kind of hot, listening to how endearing Faith finds it.

“Brings me way back, y’know. You all awkward and adorable, tryin’ to look tough for me. No way you could’ve known I was putting it on too.”

“You are tough.”

“Not the way I wanted to be.”

Buffy closes her eyes, and tells her a secret: “The night I found out I was the Slayer I cried myself to sleep.”

Faith kisses her, cradling her cheek in her hand. It’s slow, and deep, and stops long before Buffy wants it to.

“Sorry,” she says, hand still on her face.

“I… I didn’t know my emotional trauma got you that hot and bothered.”

“Yeah, you know me, I’m super into the girls with baggage.”

Her words are light and comedic, but her voice is gentle; fingers tucking strands of hair behind her ears.

Buffy sighs. “Y’know… it’s good to just talk, like this.”

Faith nods, letting her hands drop back to the space on the sheets between them. “Almost makes me forget about the whole impending doom.”

“You’re a good… distraction.”

She lets her hand reach out, trailing her fingers down Faith's leg. Her skin dots with goosebumps under her touch, and she can feel the fine baby hairs peppering her thigh.

“Yeah…”

Faith trails off, and Buffy pulls away, worrying she’s said or done something wrong. Everything’s felt so… natural, the way they’ve been talking. She sees a familiar fear in Faith’s eyes, and watches as she plays with her sleeves.

“You don’t have to pretend for my sake. I can handle… I’ve been handling it.”

Faith wants to pull away; hide. She wants to do what she’s always done.

She’s frustrating as all hell.

Buffy treads carefully. “Faith… you know that’s not… I do actually…” Like you. However weird it is to feel. She wishes she could actually put the words together at a time like this, when so much seems to hinge on her being able to spit them out.

Faith sighs silently, and her words are barely spoken; “I can’t give you what you want.”

“You don’t know that.”

Buffy can tell she’s uncomfortable, too vulnerable, face to face like this. But she doesn’t say anything. She just pulls Buffy closer, into the crook of her arm, and wraps her arms around her, over and under.

She doesn’t even know what she wants.

Neither of them has done anything like this before. It feels good. Faith’s endlessly soft; smells like sex, leather, and Buffy’s shampoo. The whole house’s been using her stuff, but it feels more natural on Faith. Like catching the faint scent of a lover on her pillowcase.

“I don’t want this to be it,” Buffy admits, already growing comfortable with the idea of waking up next to her.

If they could just stay in this room, in this bed forever… Because when they leave, everything’s going to change. No matter what either of them say. Even if they don’t speak a word until they find out who lives through this.

Buffy won’t hold her hand in front of the others. Faith probably wouldn’t let her, and Buffy couldn’t even let herself. She wants to, now, before she loses the courage, but it feels too good to be wrapped up in her arms.

“I… I can do tonight,” Faith says, squeezing her shoulder. “But ask me again next Tuesday, yeah?”

She’s not sure if Faith realizes how much that means, coming from her. Telling her that yes, she wants more too, and if they can make it through this fight, she might be able to face that. Buffy can’t even imagine what it’s like for her, to have pined over her for so long, expecting nothing in return — maybe even being too afraid to have someone like her back.

Maybe, by then, Buffy will be ready to do something about it, too. Defeating a great and powerful evil… there’s always been this sense of relief — of a fresh start, of newness and relief and excitement. Maybe, instead of… impulsive wardrobe overhauls, she can do this. God, whatever it ends up being. All she knows is, Faith brings out something entirely innate in her — in both of them — and she’s sick of running from it.

But for now, there’s a girl, and her arms wrapped tight around her, and that’s enough.

“Okay.”

[thenightling]

The "Fluffy Buffy Religion."

When people complain about the religion of Wicca there are usually one of three reasons.

1. "Cultural appropriation." Never mind that all variations of Neo Paganism are cobbled together from scraps of old religions.

2. "It's too much like Catholicism." I do see the similarities and they do not bother me. 3. "It's too environmentalist." Environmentalism (respect and reverence for nature) has always been a semi-unspoken keystone to Wicca. There's a reason the Wiccan Goth rock band "The Hex Girls" in Scooby Doo and The Witches' Ghost are referred to as Eco-Goths. Being an environmentalist is practically a side-effect of the spiritual belief. It's unavoidable.

4. "It's the Fluffy Bunny Religion." This comes from a few things. The first and biggest being that the main rule of Wicca is "The Wiccan Rede" and that is "Harm none do as thou wilt." Sometimes worded as "And it harm none, do as ye will." The first version I listed is more grammatically correct for the Middle English wording that was intended but the second version has a full poem attached to it, written in the 1970s, thus leading to its popularity.

The Wiccan Rede is very similar to a doctor's Hippocratic Oath. Some argue that it is different because of the "Do as thou wilt" part but really its not different at all, because that's already implied in the Hippocratic version and so long as there's no harm, the rest is acceptable. Harm can be counted as physical, emotional, or psychological, to a person or property. The Wiccan Rede is mostly in regard to willful and deliberate harm.

One can argue that it still allows for evil but I can't think of anything evil, malicious, or cruel that isn't doing some sort of harm.

If you realize all evil acts (Violence, theft, willful cruelty, deliberately hurting others feelings, property damage, etc...) are all forms of harm, then you understand The Wiccan Rede.

Other factors of "The Fluffy Bunny religion" include the prevailing belief in Karma and Karmatic justice and or the rule of three, that anything you do comes back to you three times over.

The belief in Karma or Karmatic justice (which is also in Buddhism) is similar to The Golden Rule ("Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you.") or even the rule of equivalent exchange or Newton's third law (applied in physics). "For every action there is an equal but opposite reaction."

There's a popular saying among practitioners "Sage won't protect you against Karma."

It's weird how many innately vindictive people seem to think others must be like them. Vengeance is harm. Vindictiveness is *NOT* allowed by Wiccans. And to those with vindictive and cruel inclinations reading this, WE ARE NOT ALL LIKE YOU! YOUR PERCEPTIONS ARE WARPED! AND ARE NOT CONDONED BY THOSE WHO ACTUALLY HAVE A SENSE OF RIGHT AND WRONG! So, yes, combining the Environmentalist aspect of Wicca with the commonly accepted implied pacifism nature of the Wiccan Rede and faith in Karma / Karmatic justice - Yes, I suppose you could call it the Fluffy Bunny religion and... I don't care. The world is rough and mean enough. Not everything has to be.

Sincerely - Someone following the "Fluffy Bunny Religion."

[eldritchwyrm]

season 4 episode 14 ("goodbye iowa"):

oh we're doing frankenstein now. the practical effects must have been really fun to do

the difficulty with killing off prof walsh is that a mad scientist, to me, is a much more interesting villain than a monster? i do love a good practical effect tho.

whoever made that post a while back about clutter in film/tv sets was so right. the spaces in this show are so wonderfully cluttered! panning through xander's (mom's) basement, you see all sorts of random stuff -- some crutches behind the blocky tv, crates with clutter... it's supposed to be a messy space, but there's an implied story to all the stuff that i often feel is missing from productions in the last few years.

on the other hand, there's always the possibility that this impression is totally off-base and is just sort of a media nostalgia thing? the vintage feeling of the sets and the more colorful, brightly lit interiors (as opposed to the frequently mocked ultra-shadowy aesthetic of contemporary film) might be pinging bits of my brain and making me feel it's more cluttered when it isn't.

um. why does xander have a shirt with "i <3 dirt" written on it?

on that note how come riley and co have a poster labeled "Balls." that just has photographs of various sports balls on a white background. how come that's a thing they keep putting in front of the camera every other scene.

why are black characters in this show almost always inexplicably evil............

on that note, how come this fictional uc campus is almost all white??? like????? has joss whedon ever BEEN to a uc campus? i'm suspending my disbelief on the basis that southern california has seen a lot of immigration & resultant demographic change over the past two decades, but even with the time difference factored in, it's deeply weird to not see any brown people on a uc campus?

nooooooooo not spike's tv set omfg....... the casualties of war....

season 4 episode 15 ("this year's girl"):

i think i'm just in a bad mood rn because this episode is not hitting for me at all, despite being fairly well written. there's lots of good stuff: faith is here again, buffy is being evil in dream visions, buffy's side of her romantic dialogue is competently written and sweet in a very realistic way. but it's just not hitting for me. hmm.

in this episode willow wears a dark t-shirt over a light long-sleeved shirt and a floor-length skirt. i know this is just late 90s/early 2000s fashion but i can't help but think of it as "roselalondecore"

season 4 episode 16 ("who are you?")

i put the show down for a few days and returned to it and NOW we're talking. this is THE GOOD SHIT. actors pretending to be their own character who is secretly another character pretending to be their own character. the watcher council is doing something fucked up. faith is vriska.

the motif of faith mocking "because it's wrong!" turning into "because it's wrong /srs" at the end was well-written

tara got to be helpful! and not as a team, but on her own!

the tara/willow development is very good

season 4 episode 17 ("superstar"):

this ep feels like it's partially a commentary on self-inserts and maybe the way people interact with fiction more broadly?

makes me think about all the wild stuff i've seen in self-insert fanfiction. in one longfic from [redacted fandom] i saw several years ago, the self-insert protag was a mary sue of the old breed, and in addition to being extremely good at saving the world, she would take time off to be a world-class figure skating prodigy. figure skating did not exist in the original canon setting and no explanation for the worldbuilding change was given.

and tbh that's GUTS. that's SPIRIT. it's easy to laugh at from the outside, but in truth, that's a deeply honest and sincere approach to writing and i can really respect it.

honestly i need some of that energy in my own writing. i think it was cat valente who said that in order to write a novel in a month, you simply can't afford to waste time not believing you're a genius? gotta internalize that

season 4 episode 18 ("where the wild things are")

spike continues to be delightful. his "well this might as well happen" expression is very good

tara/willow development is deeply charming

i want anya to be just a liiiittle bit weirder than she is, i think. just a liiiiittle bit wackier, meaner, stranger, whatever, so long as it's more.

aww giles gets passionate about treating teens right, that's cute

further reactions to btvs season 4 episode 7 ("the initiative"), previous liveblogging here, and also this is the link to the beginning of my season notes

the transition/reveal for TA guy's secret was really well done, it was perfectly paced, just, the slooooow realization set in and i was like nO. NO WAY OMFG

and. THE PROFESSOR TOO??????? ASJDHFKASJDFKAJSDF ASJFKASJDFKJASDFJKASJD

this episode is unhinged holy shit

buffy and the not-so-random TA are from different genres

spike has spent this whole season running pathetically from various dangers. i am HERE for it.

season 4 episode 8 ("pangs"):

me when i realize this is a thanksgiving episode: oh huh maybe it'll be cute! or ironic!

me when i realize they're centering the plot around a chumash artifact: uh. i am not sure i trust joss whedon with this material

at one point a character says "the chumash used to be indigenous to this region" WHAT DO U MEAN "USED TO BE" there were chumash kids who went to my high school lmfao shut the fuck up

i guess that answers the question of which uc campus "uc sunnydale" is supposed to be.

i really want to concentrate on spike's tremendous poor little meow meow impression in this episode but joss whedon is making it REALLY HARD

i'm scrutinizing this mission interior shot like "is this the [redacted hometown location] mission or were the spanish just chronically uncreative"

season 4 episode 9 ("something blue"):

y'know i was just thinking "hm it's been a while since we had a willow-creates-a-magical-mishap episode"...

me muttering to myself: secondhand embarrassment is the fun-killer

impeccable. no notes

season 4 episode 10 ("hush"):

i had to google weetabix. i've heard of it many times via pop culture but i didn't actually know what it was. i'm distressed by the fact that wikipedia is saying the phrase "breakfast cereal" but showing something that looks distinctly milk-less. it looks like a brick?

poor giles needs a break

did? they say? tara? is that? THE tara?

oooh i KNEW the vocal recognition thing would come up in a later episode, hello everyone it is i, the plot anticipater

lotta great gags so far

i enjoy the blocky monitors and futuristic-for-1998 aesthetic of the underground organization; this episode has a number of quick cuts between them and the main characters that enables parallels and contrasts between the futuristic paramilitary aesthetic and the aesthetic of "we're at giles' house wearing graphic t-shirts and dusty ancient tomes are strewn across the table"

this episode is fun because it highlights how incidental dialogue is to much tv. viewers tend to prioritize dialogue in some ways, but often the dialogue is just filler, or telling audiences what the visual language is already shouting.

periodically this show is like "hi. we would like to remind you that giles has game. it's very important to recall that giles has game. this has been a psa"

[herinsectreflection]

The hilarious part about Faith and how incredibly gay she comes across is that it's all a natural side-effect of her intended narrative role. According to Whedon she wasn't intentionally written to be a queer or even queer-coded character, but the way she is written and her metaphorical function necessarily meant she came across as queer-coded. I'll explain what I mean:

1) As Buffy's shadow, Faith is meant to be symbolic of Buffy's repressed desires, and specifically her frustrated sexuality. Buffy is dealing with imposed chastity throughout S3, first with her trauma over Angel getting in the way of a relationship with Scott, and then the curse preventing her from being physical with Angel. It's the centre point of Enemies, its touched on in Amends, and is one of the reasons they break up. There's a reason the season climaxes with Angel and Buffy in a passionate embrace, making orgasm faces as he 'penetrates' her. It's a whole season of sexual frustration for Buffy.

Faith needs to be constantly reminding Buffy of the thing she can't have - sex. She needs to talk about sex to Buffy - and she does, extensively. Faith is written as a very sexual person in general, but it's specifically and disproportionately aimed towards Buffy, because that's her narrative role. So you end up with this character who is constantly going around like "hey Buffy do you like sex? you should think about sex now. sex. when I'm on screen the main thing on your mind should be sex and having it". Which begs the question - why does Faith want Buffy to have sex? Symbolically, it's because she represents part of Buffy, and Buffy wants to have sex. But on a pure character level... what is the explanation? What is motivating Faith to constantly talk about sex to Buffy? A few instances you can write off as her making Buffy uncomfortable for jokes, but not all of them. How it comes across is that Faith has some sexual interest in Buffy, and is probing for her feelings.

2) Faith is a Seductress. That's not a comment about her character, that's her function in the story. She is the version of Buffy who goes down a darker path, and is trying to seduce her into doing the same thing. Part of Buffy's arc in S3 is resisting this temptation, and the symbol of what she is resisting is Faith. So Faith must be an enticing, seductive figure. To quote Passion of the Nerd's review, if Faith is there to to tempt Buffy into a moral dark side, it only makes sense that she is, well, tempting. The seduction is happening on many levels.

Faith is more or less filling the Femme Fatale archetype: the seductive, sexual figure who leads the Hero off their path. It's a trope you see all the time in male-led stories, going back to goddamn The Odyssey. Buffy as a character was invented as a simple gender-swap of an old horror trope, and part of the appeal of the show is that she gets to fill the role of The Hero as a woman. So what happens when you gender-swap The Hero and don't gender-swap the Femme Fatale? You get a gay story, that's what.

3) The Faith arc of S3 is a recreation of the Angel arc of S2. It is structured in the exact same way, with the two having a push-and-pull in the early parts of the season, a setback in their relationship in episode 7, getting closest again mid-season before a night of passion that ends in sudden tragedy. Angel/Faith then turn to the dark side, become the Big Bad, and show that they are beyond saving in episode 17. The season ends with Buffy having to fight and the kill them in order to save others. This is all an intentional recycling, as part of the show building up the Trolley Problem and the idea of Buffy being a killer, repeatedly escalating it to get us to The Gift. What this means is that Faith steps into the role that Buffy's love interest played in the previous season. This is the story that we have just had told to us as a tragic love story. We see it again, and guess what? It's still a tragic love story. Only now Faith is in the role of the love interest.

4) Part of the conflict surrounding Buffy and Faith is Buffy's fear of being "Single White Female'd". She fears Faith might steal her loved ones, and Faith does threaten that. She gets along with her mother, her friends... but most of all, her love interests. Buffy's fear of being replaced manifests as Faith trying to literally seduce away anyone romantically linked to Buffy. Angel, Scott Hope, Xander, later Riley, Spike, Robin Wood... Faith is comprehensively and exclusively attracted to men that Buffy dated. I'm honestly surprised she didn't find Owen and Parker from somewhere for a night in the sack. Again, this makes perfect heterosexual sense from a symbolic point it view - she threatens to take Buffy's place in the narrative, so she takes her place in relationships - but on a character level it becomes ambiguous. Is she actively trying to replace Buffy? Or is she trying to stop Buffy dating anyone for another reason? The simple fact is, there is exactly one common denominator with all of Faith's romantic entanglements: Buffy.

It's a canonical aspect of Faith's character that she is jealous of Buffy. We see that made explicit in Enemies - she's jealous of everything Buffy has: her family, her comfortable home life, her friends, her narrative standing, and of course her loving partners. So of course Faith displays jealousy whenever Buffy is involved with a guy. It's a necessary part of building Faith as this figure of Want and Envy. But how it plays out on screen isn't that Faith is jealous of Buffy because she wants these other guys - of course not, because we see her look jealously through the window at Buffy and Riley in This Year's Girl and Riley obviously means nothing to her. Rather, it very much appears that she is jealous of these other guys, because she wants Buffy.

There's also the added bonuses that come from the show playing with so many metaphors, that sometimes they cross in interesting ways. One of Faith's main purposes is to celebrate being a Slayer, and to encourage the same in Buffy. She wants Buffy to accept and embrace being a Slayer. Here, Slayerhood is standing in for independence and hedonism and making your own rules, all the things that Faith is encouraging. But one of the many other metaphors used is the 'coming out' metaphor. "Have your tried not being a slayer?" "It's because you didn't have a strong father figure isn't it." "I've tried to march in the Slayer Pride parade." It's a note that's hit really hard specifically around the time in the show that Faith is introduced. So if you carry this metaphor on, then Faith becomes an out-and-proud lesbianSlayer, trying to convince Buffy to accept and embrace her sexuality.

And it has a recursive effect too. All this stuff contributes towards Faith feeling like a very queer character. And Faith, of course, is Buffy's shadow self, meant to represent her unconscious desires. So when the symbol of your unconscious desires is so lesbian-coded, then the implication becomes that one of your unconscious desires is lesbian desire. Faith's existence as a part of Buffy implies the existence of Buffy's bisexuality. Which contributes to the relationship feeling ever more queer, which makes Faith even gayer.

I find this absolutely hilarious, because the queer subtext was never intended. Joss Whedon apparently was annoyed that people read this into their relationship, and the commentary from the other writers that does address it tends to point to Dushku's performance. And yeah, she is definitely leaning into that in her portrayal. But the main reasons that so many people have this reading all come from the writing. It's all stuff that is integral to the point of her character. Every metaphor and function in the narrative, every symbolic purpose she has, none of it was meant to be gay and yet it all leads directly to Faith appearing to be totally and completely gay. The queerness is accidental and unavoidable. And I just find that really fucking funny.

[chasingfictions]

ats is better than btvs dont let the fact that im posting this on april 1st give u any wrong ideas i am one hundred percent serious about this

FIRST OF ALL who needs stories about women and queerness when you can have stories about big men saving tiny women except sometimes he doesnt successfully save tiny woman and then he has to be sad about it :(((((((((((

SECOND OF ALL btvs wastes all this time developing its women characters' arcs based on who they are as independent people and their psyches when it would have been way more efficient to just build their story arcs out of how they fit into the lives of the men around them. it just saves time. and isnt that what you want from a story? to just get in and out as soon as possible?

THIRD OF ALL it's insane to me that btvs doesnt even find time for One mystical pregnancy plotline??? it's just such an obvious fantasy show trope and it feels like they dont even respect the genre to not include it, like ats does it ??? what? 5 times? 6? which is a sign of what a mature show it is, that it keeps revisiting this theme to give it new layers of meaning (about how women should be punished for existing. obviously).

FOURTH OF ALL ats just improves on all btvs characters who cross over. first of all, putting faith in prison? where she Belongs??? was a brilliant point. btvs as a show is far too loose and radical with the law. ats makes a firm stand that crime is crime and should be punished ideally with well-funded and cruel judicial systems. and buffy? i know she's barely on the show but i think her two brief windows on ats are better than all of her portrayals on all of btvs. like, buffy is just so much more interesting to me as a symbolic representation of angel's angst than she is on her own terms, and i think ats really understands that. not to mention how much better spike is on ats. he can really get back to his roots as a comic relief character. which is such a better use for him than trying to make him a romantic lead. i mean spike?? a romantic lead??????? insane and yet another reason btvs doesnt have rights.

FIFTH OF ALL it just has such complex plotting. btvs would never have the guts to do a full memory wipe of an entire person from the other characters' minds as it enters its final season and then never really touch on what that means for them or how it's affected their relationships with each other. like, btvs was way heavy-handed foreshadowing dawn's existence and then spending all this unnecessary time in s5 working through how dawn's existence impacts buffy's psyche. ats doing a much more understated approach of hardly ever mentioning connor at all in s5 or considering how his absence would impact things is a way more mature form of storytelling :))) like, it's show don't tell. that's writing school day one.

SIXTH OF ALL i just think btvs is really reverse-misogynist at a certain point. it's like, by the time we get to the late seasons there's basically no men on the cast? ats really balances that out and makes sure we're getting men's perspectives in storytelling :) which is something really lacking from media :) that plus all the time they spend on a gay relationship when it's like,, why do we have to make a whole thing about how willow and tara are gay? isnt that reducing them to their queerness??? isnt it actually far more progressive to work like ats, and kind of vaguely imply lorne is gay with the everything about him but never actually say so and blatantly contradict it in dialogue? just to keep 'em guessing, you know. the last thing you want is for a show to be obvious

my only gripe with ats is that they bother building up side characters when it should be much more focused on angel himself. like literally who cares about characters like fred or gunn or lorne or lilah? i think it would have been a much tighter show if they had just focused on classically grizzled and complex male protagonists like angel and wesley and lindsey. none of them got nearly enough screentime or attention paid to their development. i mean thank god they killed off cordy and fred by mystical pregnancy and stopped paying attention to gunn and lorne's characters in ways that made sense and wrote lilah off to be replaced with a discount lilah who didnt matter for the final season? so we could really spend time with the characters who matter? but like, they could have done that way sooner

[upsidedownism]

[ fah yongwaree | cis-woman | she/her | twenty-six ] —— it’s just another typical week in hawkins i guess — isn’t that right, taeng chaisai? huh, guess they can’t hear me over heart of glass by blondie playing on their walkman, but it looks like they’re unemployed. did you know tae has been in hawkins for her whole life? yeah, they’ve been described as a bit egocentric, but i suppose them also being disciplined outweighs the negative. i’ve also heard people say they remind them of soccer field in the early mornings and feeling the dew between your fingers, your mothers backlogged dreams, a sharp but honest tongue, an injury that you’re trying not to let define you… however, that could just be this weeks newest rumor.

character inspos:  madison montgomery (american horror story), katherine pierce (the vampire diaries), blair waldorf (gossip girl), villanelle (killing eve), roy kent/jamie tartt (ted lasso), kate baker (spinning out), faith lehane (buffy the vampire slayer), kathryn mertueill (cruel intentions), fleabag (fleabag), franky fitzgerald (skins) 

full name — taeng chaisai nickname(s) — tae (only by close friends) name meaning — melon, strong, majestic, leader age — twenty-six date of birth — october 31st, 1960 place of birth — hawkins, indiana current location — hawkins, indiana gender — cis female pronouns — she / her sexual orientation — lesbian religion — buddhist / agnostic occupation — former professional soccer player / unemployed  education level — high school , some college before going professional family — aranya chaisai (mother), kovit chaisai (half-brother), sakda (father, deceased)  finances — upper middle class spoken languages — thai / siamese, french, english  faceclaim — fah yongwaree

tw: mentions of parental neglect, implied narcissistic parent, implied self harm (in forms of pushing body to limits non descriptive), parental death (due to earthquake)

your mother’s side of the family is cursed with girls, at least, that is what they say when aranya finds out she is pregnant with her first child. taeng would be born on october 31st, at three a.m. during witching hour. no one is surprised by how loud her cries are, it carries across the big house filled with nothing but empty rooms. 

her family is a refined one, having come from thailand for her father’s work before she was born. they had made a life in indianapolis before moving to hawkins. it wasn’t what aranya wanted for the family, image is everything but they make do. 

it’s not until taeng is one years old that aranya finds out of sakda’s infidelity, his son kovit comes to live with them when he’s two. and taeng and kovit do not get along for most of their childhood, but kovit is the catalyst for taeng’s love for soccer when they’re three. taeng had always been a fast baby in every way, curious and learning whatever she could get her hands and feet on. it’s then that aranya takes interest in the matter, seeing what potential her daughter could be, because it was clear that kovit would not be the one to hold the family’s honour due to the infidelity. 

school is a breeze, but the coach’s in this small town are a pain in the ass. taeng is involved in gymnastics and soccer but it takes more than convincing and a sum of money to even give taeng a chance to kick a ball with the other boys, aranya often pushing her daughter to be better than all of them, otherwise how will people respect them? 

but it isn’t hard to see that taeng has the talent and agility that most player’s don’t. she’s fast and can weave through a crowd with the ball before they can say ‘stop’. this is often the song of her life, being underestimated by many, loved by very few, but seen for what they are: determined, ruthless, and relentless. growing up in a male dominated sport and feeling like an outsider in your own skin and mind is nothing new but nothing could prepare her for middle school to high school. taeng had a bit of a reputation to be something of a bully, her motto? strike first before someone does it for you. her words are always honest and to the point, her blunt manner is never one that is taken kindly, but as her mother say, never say anything that you don’t mean. while taeng might not always like what her mother has to say, they have an understanding of each other. 

there have been many instances where taeng has made a child cry and where she should feel bad there’s just nothing there. for a girl who’s grown up in a competitive state it’s hard to try and empathise with people that you should be kinder. taeng had not grown up in a kind environment. 

her mother was the head of the household while her father worked and kovit hid in the shadows. though that bond between the two was a quiet one, but taeng would never show her brother love where her mother could see. that is one thing she hides, but in truth, it’s to keep him safe. but she will never say what she really means to him. 

at the end of middle school is when she gets her first kiss with a girl and it confirms everything that she had already known about herself, but the rumour sticks with her to high school, and it’s not so much of a secret but more of: she doesn’t care. what she thinks about what people think about her love life is nothing in comparison to what people think about her playing a game.

taeng would have many flings with girls all throughout high school, but her one true love would always be herself and the game. her mother wouldn’t allow anything less. and if shes completely honest with herself? she’s scared of losing what little relationship she has with her mother than anything else. 

high school soccer is probably one of the lowest she’s ever felt because of how hard she pushes herself to keep up with the boys and try and get people to notice her. her routine for her high school years is nothing but preparing for her future. she doesn’t have much time to do the things a normal high schooler would, while trying to keep up with her studies. she doesn’t falter, but there is a moment where she thinks that she’s about one second before snapping. 

she rolls her ankle badly before summer break. she decides to play on it, and immediately regrets it after. that summer before the new school year is hell, her mother fears she’s falling behind, her father thinks that maybe it was a sign that maybe taeng should do something different with her life, her brother reminds her that this doesn’t have to be all that she needs to be. 

she takes a months rest before the doctor clears her that it’s fine, but there’s also a high chance that she could sprain it badly again, but that’s all she needs to hear before she’s back out on the field and preparing for her senior year where everything matters. 

women’s soccer during this time is not an easy sport to succeed in, but that’s where her mother’s scheming comes in : why not internationally? her mother uses her connections and gets people to scope her out and when they see her potential it’s all uphill (downhill) from there. 

the family moves their entire life from hawkins to england. 

taeng plays professionally for seven years before her career ending injury at the height of her career. 

after a couple of months of rehabilitation from her injury they move back to hawkins with some of the money that taeng had earned. 

then the earthquake hits, and taeng’s father dies. if taeng cried at the funeral, no one saw it. she didn’t know how a mourn a man she never really knew. they pack up his things and give them away when people start asking for donations. 

taeng pushes herself to start running again, and only during the late hours of the night does she try and attempt to kick a soccer ball into the goal. but it never hits as right as it used to.

some more fun things: 

she uh is not doing great ! honestly her entire life has been about pleasing her mother so now that she can’t do that she is simply spiralling and trying to get back to where she was but honestly she cannot do that anymore !

her and kovie are now starting to see each other for what they really are now that they are both mom’s disappointments which sucks but sibling bonding time !

she was pretty popular in terms of soccer i feel like , though obvs this is the 80′s and lbr it was a fucking struggle and i didn’t want to dive too deep into it bc this would be already too long but you get the point . women struggled so she really did everything she could to get to a point where at least people saw her more than just some girl trying to play soccer ya know ?

thrived better in england at least there were other international women that understood the struggle and now coming back to hawkins which is in shambles is rough. the entire year has been rough. 

has no goddamn idea what she wants to do, she’s currently living off of her earnings but knows she’s got to figure out what she wants to do with her life 

hasn’t cried since her birth probably ( this is a lie but she does not cry ! it’s hard for her like ok go off robot ! ) 

[ao3feed-spuffy]

Made For You

by Missambermarie

Life has not always been easy for Spike and Buffy. They started off as two lonely kids who developed a once in a life time friendship. That sweet little friendship grew into something that can only be described as destiny, soulmates, happily ever after even.

Through all the ups and downs that life can bring, they were right there side by side. That is until one tragic event tears them apart in a way that feels like there is no coming back from. Yet somehow these two bruised hearts ache to find one another once more.

This is their story.

 *Trigger warning for future chapters. Please be sure to read chapter notes.*

Words: 24669, Chapters: 4/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Major Character Death

Categories: F/F, F/M, Gen

Characters: Buffy Summers, Spike (BtVS), Angel (BtVS), Tara Maclay, Willow Rosenberg, Daniel "Oz" Osbourne, Xander Harris, Dawn Summers, Joyce Summers, Rupert Giles, Anya Jenkins, Warren Mears, Faith Lehane, Hank Summers, Darla (BtVS)

Relationships: Spike/Buffy Summers

Additional Tags: Friends to Lovers, Abusive Parents, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Underage Drinking

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/41960691

[coraniaid]

I know why both the fandom and the show itself like to pretend otherwise, but if you actually go back and watch Season 3 you'll see that for most of Faith's time in Sunnydale it was Giles, rather than Wesley, who acted as her Watcher.

It was Giles who, at the end of Faith, Hope & Trick, contacted the Council and requested the chance to "look after" Faith while she stayed in Sunnydale.

It was Giles who, for the next several months, was apparently content to let Faith keep living in a cheap motel, to not make any effort to get her back into school or prepare in any way for her future [despite the lengths he went to to get Buffy back into school just an episode earlier!] and to let her go off out of town unaccompanied whenever she felt like it.

It's Giles who used Faith's lack of interest in "proper training" as a way to manipulate Buffy into agreeing to go ahead with the procedure that he used to drug her and rob her of her powers.

Even after Giles was fired, and Wesley arrived in Sunnydale (to become the official Watcher of both Buffy and Faith), it was still Giles who Faith went to see when she accidentally killed a man [it is actually plot relevant that she doesn't think of telling Wesley anything about it; that she doesn't think of Wesley as being her Watcher].

It was Giles who let Faith lie to him about who killed Finch without challenging her, even though he wasn't fooled, because he "needed her to think I was on her side" (a justification which implies, pretty heavily, that he actually wasn't).

It was Giles who insisted to Buffy that they wouldn't be able to help Faith until she admited what she'd done (something he had just shown he had no interest in prompting her to do).

As late as Doppelgangland, it was Giles -- and not Wesley -- who was making decisions about whether Faith should be involved in fighting vampires or whether she could be trusted "around civilians".

The only time we see Faith acting as though Wesley is her Watcher in the whole season is a short scene in the aforementioned Doppelgangland, at which point she's already secretly defected and started working for the Mayor. And, as I said above, even in this episode Giles is also clearly acting as her de facto Watcher too.

So, while I like Five By Five a lot, and -- as I said -- I know why the show decides to retcon Wesley into the role of "Faith's Watcher", I do also think Faith's arc would make a lot more sense narratively if Giles was the one she decided to kidnap and torture. I'm not saying he'd have deserved it, but ... well, it's pretty hard to argue that he did a good job "looking after" her, isn't it?

[firemanwhenthefloodsrollback]

Who Saved The Day? Season 5

It's been a long time but I am back with the fifth installment of Who Saved The Day? I'll be looking at every episode of buffy the vampire slayer to see who saved the day the most and in what ways. we're heading into the darkest and most complex end of the series and the number two spot is still very much up for grabs. it's getting harder and harder with time to tell who wins the point in each individual episode, and I don't think it's gonna get any easier from here friends.

At the end of season four we left it at:

Buffy: 43

Angel: 5

Giles: 5

Willow: 4

Anya: 2

Faith: 2

Oz: 2

Xander: 2

Other people who only got 1 each: 8

So season 5:

1. Buffy Vs Dracula: Buffy

Nice and straightforward. You kill Dracula twice, you get a point.

2. Real Me: Buffy

Buffy saves Dawn. Good work.

3. The Replacement: Willow

Buffy did avert the violence and stop the two Xanders from escalating things to a nasty place, so I'll hear arguments for that, but Willow actually fixed the situation and put the two Xanders back so I think she was the one who saved the day.

4. Out Of My Mind: Buffy

I really went back and forth on whether it was Buffy or the doctor here. The doctor actually solved the thing that was wrong so a big part of me thinks it was the doctor who did the procedure on Riley, but Buffy won the fight and dealt with Spike and Harmony so.... Buffy.

5. No Place Like Home: Buffy

Another 'nobody won' episode really. I don't know how to choose someone who saved the day here when... the day ended pretty badly. It was either the Monk for giving Buffy the info about Dawn before he died, or Buffy for getting herself and the Monk out of the magic box. I couldn't decide but thought that saving lives had to count as saving the day right?

6. Family: Buffy

My heart aches when I think about Family, seriously. I considered giving the point to Spike because he solved the demon thing, which exposed the Maclays and put the whole business to rest, but Buffy saying she wasn't going to let Tara be taken was more of a 'saving the day' action I think?

7. Fool For Love: Spike

I'm not certain who the day was really saved from here. Yes Riley killed some vampires but I don't think they were the main threat so killing them was more of a fun side project for Riley. I don't think we can really say Spike was the villain? At least for most of the episode. Putting this episode in its big existential context I think by giving Buffy the stories of the two past slayers and his actually fairly true (and useful for the rest of the season) insight into the slayers we can make a solid case for Spike saving the day. Am I biased in his favour? Absolutely, but it's my list! Spike's first point!

8. Shadow: Buffy

Buffy dealt with the snake and with so many other things.

9. Listening To Fear: Buffy

Dawn very much did save Joyce the first time, so there's an argument that she saved the day, but Buffy actually stabbed the thing. So Buffy.

10. Into The Woods: Buffy

Buffy (?) She certainly killed some vampires.

11. Triangle: Willow

Buffy does a lot of pummelling but Willow sends the troll away, which I would call solving the problem at its root.

12. Checkpoint: Buffy

Good speech babe, and well done for getting Giles his retroactive pay checks.

13. Blood Ties: Willow

I'm giving it to Willow and Tara here because they did the spell that transported Glory, and while Buffy's speech to Dawn was far more emotionally significant, the spell was what actually helped. I really want to give Tara a point - my beautiful girl who awoke so much of my soul deserves more than one - but Willow passing out from doing the spell implies to me that she was contributing more magical energy. If you can convince me in the replies that Tara deserves this point I will very, very gladly transfer it to her.

14. Crush: Spike (?)

I'm not happy about this one either. Much though I love him. But we've had episodes before where the person who causes the problem solves the problem and I've been strict with myself in the past about the person who saves the day only ever getting to be the person who actually does the one action that removes the biggest immediate danger. That danger was Drusilla and Spike got her off Buffy sooooooooo maybe I picked stupid rules.

15. I Was Made To Love You: Buffy

Out of every single episode of this show, this is the one where the day is the least saved. It's impossible to look at the ending of this episode and think of anything being okay. But Buffy stops April hurting anyone so, I guess.

16. The Body: Buffy

I'm a huge fan of the fact there was a vampire in this episode, keeping an element of the supernatural in the least supernatural episode this show ever did. It's one of the best decisions this script made to have a single, newborn, not very powerful vampire become a meaningful threat again in a way it hasn't been since very early season one, because the audience really believes that buffy could have been vulnerable to this when she's knocked sideways by grief and it feels menacing in a way that enormous tentacle demons never do. if we define this vampire as the threat in this episode, which it isn't really but it's the closest we've got, then it's buffy again.

17. Forever: Dawn

Dawn's first point. Go dawn, a heart-wrenching first point in a truly harrowing episode. Another example of the person who caused the problem solving the problem but we must be consistent here.

18. Intervention: Spike

This one hurts my heart. Spike's first uncontroversial point, I'd say.

19. Tough Love: Tara

I was originally going to give this point to Willow for getting her and Buffy out of the fight with Glory at the end, but I decided the bigger threat in this episode was Glory offering Tara the bargain where she could give the key up in exchange for her own safety. Tara making such a simple clear moral choice, even when she's terrified, even when she knows Glory could do anything for her, and she isn't even in a good place with Willow, is the bravest thing in this episode and no one else can possibly deserve this point.

20. Spiral: Ben

Not a good episode for day-saving. Ben did a lot more harm than good here but he got Giles' wound stabilised and no one else... saved the day. I'm not really happy about this one so please argue with me.

21. The Weight of the World: Willow

One of my favourite non-combat savings of the day. Willow going into Buffy's mind and convincing her to keep trying to save the world is one of the most interesting and significant day-savings Willow gets in one of my favourite episodes for Willow and Buffy's relationship.

22. The Gift: Buffy

There just aren't any arguments here. She saved the world. A lot.

So at the end of season five we're still very heavily biased in favour of Buffy saving the day, which I don't think is ever likely to go away, but getting more and more episodes where it isn't her with time. New appearances for a lot of the scoobies here and spike is climbing the ranks fast.

At the end of season 5 we are at:

Buffy: 54

Willow: 7

Angel and Giles: 5

Spike: 3

Anya, Faith, Oz, Tara, Xander: 2

And 9 characters including Dawn who have 1 each

Season 6 is my favourite season and also the bleakest, darkest and strangest so I am excited to see what happens to the leaderboard there.

[tipsycad147]

Wicca

During the 20th century, interest in witchcraft in English-speaking and European countries began to increase, inspired particularly by Margaret Murray's theory of a pan-European witch-cult originally published in 1921, since discredited by further careful historical research Interest was intensified, however, by Gerald Gardner's claim in 1954 in Witchcraft Today that a form of witchcraft still existed in England. The truth of Gardner's claim is now disputed too.

The first Neopagan groups to publicly appear, during the 1950s and 60s, were Gerald Gardner's Bricket Wood coven and Roy Bowers' Clan of Tubal Cain. They operated as initiatory secret societies. Other individual practitioners and writers such as Paul Huson also claimed inheritance to surviving traditions of witchcraft.

The Wicca that Gardner initially taught was a witchcraft religion having a lot in common with Margaret Murray's hypothetically posited cult of the 1920s. Indeed, Murray wrote an introduction to Gardner's Witchcraft Today, in effect putting her stamp of approval on it. Wicca is now practised as a religion of an initiatory secret society nature with positive ethical principles, organised into autonomous covens and led by a High Priesthood. There is also a large "Eclectic Wiccan" movement of individuals and groups who share key Wiccan beliefs but have no initiatory connection or affiliation with traditional Wicca. Wiccan writings and ritual show borrowings from a number of sources including 19th and 20th-century ceremonial magic, the medieval grimoire known as the Key of Solomon, Aleister Crowley's Ordo Templi Orientis and pre-Christian religions Right now there are just over 200,000 people who practice Wicca in the United States

Witchcraft, feminism, and media

Wiccan and Neo-Wiccan literature has been described as aiding the empowerment of young women through its lively portrayal of female protagonists. Part of the recent growth in Neo-Pagan religions has been attributed to the strong media presence of fictional works such as Charmed, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Harry Potter series with their depictions of pop culture, "positive witchcraft", which differs from the historical, traditional, and Indigenous definitions. Based on a mass media case study done, "Mass Media and Religious Identity: A Case Study of Young Witches", in the result of the case study it was stated the reasons many young people are choosing to self-identify as witches and belong to groups they define as practicing witchcraft is diverse; however, the use of pop culture witchcraft in various media platforms can be the spark of interest for young people to see themselves as "witches". Widespread accessibility to related material through internet media such as chat rooms and forums is also thought to be driving this development. Which is dependent on one's accessibility to those media resources and material to influence their thoughts and views on religion

Wiccan beliefs, or pop culture variations thereof, are often considered by adherents to be compatible with liberal ideals such as the Green movement, and particularly with some varieties of feminism, by providing young women with what they see as a means for self-empowerment, control of their own lives, and potentially a way of influencing the world around them. This is the case particularly in North America due to the strong presence of feminist ideals in some branches of the Neopagan communities The 2002 study Enchanted Feminism: The Reclaiming Witches of San Francisco suggests that some branches of Wicca include influential members of the second wave of feminism, which has also been redefined as a religious movement.

Traditional witchcraft

Traditional witchcraft is a term used to refer to a variety of contemporary forms of witchcraft. Pagan studies scholar Ethan Doyle White described it as "a broad movement of aligned magico-religious groups who reject any relation to Gardnerianism and the wider Wiccan movement, claiming older, more "traditional" roots. Although typically united by a shared aesthetic rooted in European folklore, the Traditional Craft contains within its ranks a rich and varied array of occult groups, from those who follow a contemporary Pagan path that is suspiciously similar to Wicca to those who adhere to Luciferianism".  According to British Traditional Witch Michael Howard, the term refers to "any non-Gardnerian, non-Alexandrian, non-Wiccan or pre-modern form of the Craft, especially if it has been inspired by historical forms of witchcraft and folk magic". Another definition was offered by Daniel A. Schulke, the current Magister of the Cultus Sabbati, when he proclaimed that traditional witchcraft "refers to a coterie of initiatory lineages of ritual magic, spellcraft and devotional mysticism". Some forms of traditional witchcraft are the Feri Tradition, Cochrane's Craft and the Sabbatic craft.

Stregheria

Modern Stregheria closely resembles Charles Leland's controversial late-19th-century account of a surviving Italian religion of witchcraft, worshipping the Goddess Diana, her brother Dianus/Lucifer, and their daughter Aradia. Leland's witches do not see Lucifer as the evil Satan that Christians see, but a benevolent god of the Sun.

The ritual format of contemporary Stregheria is roughly similar to that of other Neopagan witchcraft religions such as Wicca. The pentagram is the most common symbol of religious identity. Most followers celebrate a series of eight festivals equivalent to the Wiccan Wheel of the Year, though others follow the ancient Roman festivals. An emphasis is placed on ancestor worship and balance

Contemporary witchcraft, Satanism and Luciferianism

Modern witchcraft considers Satanism to be the "dark side of Christianity" rather than a branch of Wicca: the character of Satan referenced in Satanism exists only in the theology of the three Abrahamic religions, and Satanism arose as, and occupies the role of, a rebellious counterpart to Christianity, in which all is permitted and the self is central. (Christianity can be characterized as having the diametrically opposite views to these.) Such beliefs become more visibly expressed in Europe after the Enlightenment, when works such as Milton's Paradise Lost were described anew by romantics who suggested that they presented the biblical Satan as an allegory representing crisis of faith, individualism, free will, wisdom and enlightenment; a few works from that time also begin to directly present Satan in a less negative light, such as Letters from the Earth. The two major trends are theistic Satanism and atheistic Satanism; the former venerates Satan as a supernatural patriarchal deity, while the latter views Satan as merely a symbolic embodiment of certain human traits.

Organized groups began to emerge in the mid 20th century, including the Ophite Cultus Satanas (1948)  and The Church of Satan (1966). After seeing Margaret Murray's book The God of the Witches, the leader of Ophite Cultus Satanas, Herbert Arthur Sloane, said he realized that the horned god was Satan (Sathanas). Sloane also corresponded with his contemporary Gerald Gardner, founder of the Wiccan religion, and implied that his views of Satan and the horned god were not necessarily in conflict with Gardner's approach. However, he did believe that, while "gnosis" referred to knowledge, and "Wicca" referred to wisdom, modern witches had fallen away from the true knowledge, and instead had begun worshipping a fertility god, a reflection of the creator god. He wrote that "the largest existing body of witches who are true Satanists would be the Yezedees". Sloane highly recommended the book The Gnostic Religion, and sections of it were sometimes read at ceremonies. The Church of Satan, founded by Anton LaVey in 1966,views Satan not as a literal god, but merely a symbol. Still, this organization does believe in magic and incorporates it in their practice, distinguishing between Lesser and Greater forms.

The Satanic Temple, founded in 2013, does not practice magic as a part of their religion. They state "beliefs should conform to one's best scientific understanding of the world," and the practice of magic does not fit into their belief as such. It was estimated that there were up to 100,000 Satanists worldwide by 2006, twice the number estimated in 1990.[ Satanistic beliefs have been largely permitted as a valid expression of religious belief in the West. For example, they were allowed in the British Royal Navy in 2004,  and an appeal was considered in 2005 for religious status as a right of prisoners by the Supreme Court of the United States. Contemporary Satanism is mainly an American phenomenon, although it began to reach Eastern Europe in the 1990s around the time of the fall of the Soviet Union.

Luciferianism, on the other hand, is a belief system and does not revere the devil figure or most characteristics typically affixed to Satan. Rather, Lucifer in this context is seen as one of many morning stars, a symbol of enlightenment,  independence and human progression. Madeline Montalban was an English witch who adhered to a specific form of Luciferianism which revolved around the veneration of Lucifer, or Lumiel, whom she considered to be a benevolent angelic being who had aided humanity's development. Within her Order, she emphasised that her followers discover their own personal relationship with the angelic beings, including Lumiel Although initially seeming favourable to Gerald Gardner, by the mid-1960s she had become hostile towards him and his Gardnerian tradition, considering him to be "a 'dirty old man' and sexual pervert."  She also expressed hostility to another prominent Pagan Witch of the period, Charles Cardell, although in the 1960s became friends with the two Witches at the forefront of the Alexandrian Wiccan tradition, Alex Sanders and his wife, Maxine Sanders, who adopted some of her Luciferian angelic practices.  In contemporary times luciferian witches exist within traditional witchcraft

https://www.wikiwand.com/en/Witchcraft

[bodytoflame-ao3]

guess i’m just jealous

originally posted 04/19/21

willow and buffy; about faith.

post-homecoming, pre-bad girls.

Read on Ao3

“What’s… what’s going on with you and Faith?” Willow asks, cautious of how to broach the subject. She doesn’t look up from the book — demon research waits for no one and nothing, not even the complicated personal life of a slayer.

Faith’s danger and sex appeal, granted, two things Willow’s never really considered much, but she’s also so much more. And for some reason, she makes Willow’s blood boil. The way they fight together is like they’ve known each other forever — and Buffy didn’t even know she existed a month ago. But she’s known Buffy for two years (it feels like so much longer), and she’s her best friend.

“It’s…” Buffy smiles, “nothing. She’s just…” She’s complicated.

“‘Cause if you’re jealous of her, you shouldn’t be. You’re a way better slayer, and she’s all,” she pouts, thinking, “…broody.” It’s a bold accusation, considering Willow’s the jealous one — stupid Faith and her stupid leather pants and her whole stupid stealing her best friend. But maybe that’s why Buffy wants to hang around her so much?

“I’m not jealous! She’s a slayer, I’m a slayer, we… slay things.” It’s their job, and it’s kind of in the name. “I don’t want to be like her,” she says, calm, “She’s impulsive, and doesn’t listen to me, but—”

“She’s also like… smashy-punchy… kissy-kissy… bad news!” Willow explains, gesturing wildly, still not big enough to encompass her interpretation of the other slayer. In short, she’s not someone you’d want to bring home to your parents… and, Willow realizes… Buffy’s done exactly that. She sighs, grounding her emotions back inside the library. “Plus… I kinda miss being a card carrying member of the Scooby Gang. It’s not the same,” she pouts, “not going on patrols with you and stuff. Why does Sunnydale even need a second slayer?”

“She’s good at what she does,” she says, finishing what she’d been thinking for the entirety of Willow’s tangent.

(Handsy and reckless is what she does, Willow thinks.)

“And she’s got my back.” She sees Willow’s face fall, immediately backpedaling. “I mean— not that you don’t, but she’s got the slayer strength to… rough ‘em up!”

Slayer strength this and that, Willow’s staked vamps too! But nothing like the two of them, she reminds herself. It’s almost like they’re psychically linked — half of Willow wants to chalk it up to some kind of super slayer mind meld powers and call it a day. Still, she protests. “But I’m good moral support!”

“Will,” Buffy takes her hand from across the table, stopped mid-page turn, “You’re the best moral support. And your research has saved our lives… I don’t even know how many times. You’re kind of a secret badass.”

She blushes, shrugging, not used to this kind of flattery. “‘S not a big deal.” It means that much more coming from her — decidedly badass herself.

Buffy purses her lips. “I know you’re still upset.”

“It’s just… you spend a lot of time with her, but you act all weird around each other. And I don’t know if I should be upset you’re spending more time with her, or happy that you don’t actually seem to like her all that much.” Willow sighs loudly, “And it sounds so mean when I say it out loud.”

She laughs. “She’s a slayer too, Will. We have a connection, whether I like her or not.”

“Do you?”

“It’s not that I like her… but we’re the only two in the world. We shouldn’t both be here.” she sighs. “It’s gotta be a slayer thing. Like I can sense when she’s near, or in trouble. She came out of nowhere the other night, staked a vamp that was sneaking up on me. Pretty handy.”

So… that’s a yes on the mind meld? “That’s… cool.” I guess.

“Why do you hate her?”

“I don’t—” Willow cuts herself off when she realizes her voice has risen to a near-yell in her defense, taking a deep breath to compose herself. “I don’t hate her. It's...” She does. She’s a best-friend-stealer, she flirts with anything with a pulse, and given Buffy’s track record, Willow wouldn’t be surprise if it extended to the pulse-less as well. And she’d probably be a boyfriend-stealer too if they let her stay around long enough. “Like you said, she’s impulsive. And I don’t want her to put you in danger. We need our slayer.” I know I do.

“Don’t worry about me, Will. Nothing’s changed. I still kick demon behind like no one’s business. Just… doesn’t hurt to have another one of me around sometimes. Less danger for you guys.”

“It’s just been all weird since homecoming,” Willow admits, because really, that’s when it started — the weirdness. Shouldn’t she be grateful to not have to charge demons head-on? That Buffy doesn’t have to do it alone? “Why did you invite her?” And it isn’t like she ditched Willow. She had a date — she had Oz. She’d just always thought that prom would be one normal, fun night for the three of them; her, Buffy, and Xander.

“I thought… if she felt like she belonged…” she trails off. “If we have to work together, we should all be friends.”

Willow frowns. “I don’t think it works that way.” She doesn’t want her to be friends with Faith — there’s just something about her, that every time she sees her talk to Buffy, it’s all prickly across her skin.

Buffy’s silent for a minute, staring back down at the book in her lap. Willow recognizes the look on her face as she turns the page. “Will? Come look at this.”

[sevens-evan]

fuffy + 23?

s3 fluffy nonsense that just kept going for way too long

“What’s cookin’, good lookin’?” Buffy yelps and drops the cookie tray in her hand. It clatters against the floor, although, luckily, the cookies remain attached to it. She spins around to glare at her interrupter, but does a double take when she sees who it is.

“Faith,” she says. “What are you doing here?” Faith’s confident grin falters slightly.

“Don’t want me around, B?” she asks, leaning against the frame of the back door casually.

“That’s—I didn’t say that,” Buffy says. She can feel her face turning pink. That tends to happen whenever Faith looks at her, or talks to her, or is just in her general vicinity, existing. It’s deeply irritating. “Just—I didn’t think you got up before noon voluntarily.” Faith steps into the kitchen.

“Have to do some grocery shopping,” she says. “You were on my way, figured I’d stop by.” Buffy thinks about that for a moment. There’s definitely at least one grocery store a lot closer to Faith’s motel than Buffy’s house is. Buffy keeps that to herself, though; if Faith wants to make excuses to come see her, Buffy’s okay with that.

“Well, you’re always welcome,” Buffy says. She leans down and picks up her cookie sheet from the floor. The heat from the pan seems to have left an imprint on the linoleum floor. She eyes it critically for a moment before opting to ignore it and return her attention to Faith. “I’m surprised you came by, though. I thought you were still mad at me over the whole...Angel thing.” She holds up the cookie tray. “That’s what these are about. They’re apology cookies.”

“You were makin’ cookies for me?” Faith asks. Buffy shrugs, setting the cookies down, suddenly embarrassed about the whole thing.

“Well, you like food,” she says. “I like food. Everyone likes food. Food makes things better. But I mean, if you don’t want the cookies—”

“I want them,” Faith says quickly. “Definitely want the cookies.” As if to prove the point, she reaches out and pulls one off the tray and shoves it in her mouth.

“Faith, those are really hot,” Buffy says, far too late.

“Noticing that,” Faith says, her voice muffled by the cookie in her mouth. Her eyes are watering from the heat. Buffy stands there, half-amused, half-concerned, until Faith swallows the cookie and wipes at her eyes.

“You good?” Buffy asks, raising her eyebrows. Faith nods slowly.

“Good,” she says. “Good cookies. But...you know I’m not mad, right? Thought I made that clear when I came to Christmas.”

“It was implied,” Buffy says, nodding. “But I wanted the verbal confirmation. I do a lot better with the verbal than the...implications.” Faith is very close to her. Like, Buffy-can-see-her-acne-scars close. Buffy isn’t sure when that happened.

“Fair enough,” Faith says quietly. “But actions speak louder than words for a reason, right?”

“Uh.” Buffy can’t think of another clever response. Her brain has stopped working entirely. Faith has planted her hands on the countertop, one on either side of Buffy, and now Buffy is trapped between Faith’s body and the counter and her face is really, really warm. “I, uh, like words?” Faith grins at her. Buffy’s eyes drop to Faith’s dimples, then to her lips, and now Buffy is staring at Faith’s lips with Faith’s face only a few inches away.

“I’ve never been too good with them,” Faith says, leaning impossibly closer to Buffy. “I prefer actions, myself.”

“Actions,” Buffy echoes. She’s pretty sure she’s trembling. “Like what?”

“Oh, you know,” Faith says. She closes the final gap between them, and Buffy eyes drift shut in anticipation.

“Buffy?” Joyce calls from another part of the house. Faith jumps back, putting distance between them so quickly and smoothly that Buffy almost wonders if her proximity had been some sort of hallucination. “Did you hear the cookie timer?”

“I heard it, Mom!” Buffy yells back. She looks back over at Faith, who is smirking at her. A sudden burst of adrenaline-fueled bravery has her saying, “We’re going to revisit that later, Faith,” and pointing a finger at the other Slayer. Faith’s smile widens.

“Your hand’s shaking, B,” she says. Buffy yanks her hand back and curls it into a fist at her side. “But don’t worry,” Faith says, still grinning. “We can revisit things any time you want.” She takes a few steps backwards, headed for the back door with that smile seemingly permanently attached (not that Buffy’s complaining). “See ya for patrol tonight.”

Without waiting for an answer, Faith slips out the back door. Buffy just leans against the counter, looks down at her cookies, and smiles.