eldritchwyrm

[eldritchwyrm]

oh damn

so I know I'm not super-active on here anymore, but i hit 300K followers on here, and i'm feeling a little sentimental at 1:30 in the morning.

13 years ago, I started this tumblr out of sheer desperation. I was 21 years old and fresh out of college, I knew I wanted to be a voice actor, had no idea how that would ever be achievable, no one knew who I was. I decided to make this Tumblr to practice voice acting and I pledged to make an audio post every single day. I did this without fail for years.

I started out doing fandubs and comic dubs and reading shitposts, anything I could think of. My Lackadaisy dubs were the first thing that got real traction, I'll always be thankful to Tracy for reblogging those (and yes, it is insanely surreal to think that a decade later I would be voicing Mordecai in an animated version for real).

I improved exponentially by posting here every day. I was entirely self-taught, I've never taken a class, I just practiced every day (even when there were countless days I wanted to give up) and through sheer force of will, I started to improve.

Everything I have achieved in my life so far is because of this Tumblr. I truly could not have ever dreamed of being where I'm at now and what I have accomplished. So whether you know me from my old shitposts or comic dubs or Goofy posts or Vines or YouTube videos or my professional voice acting roles, I just want to say thank you for your support. It's been a crazy ride. Looking forward to what comes next.

[eldritchwyrm]

RIP Lydia Bennet you would’ve loved watching tik toks at full volume in public

[eldritchwyrm]

what if vetinari actually didn't attend those stealth classes? he studied camouflage independently, but we've seen plenty examples of the man relying on reputation and those under his employ than doing things himself.

more to the point, vetinari can juggle, but refuses to explain how he learned the skill, and the assassin guild and clown guild are adjacent. and vetinari seems to have a quiet respect for mr. bent's natural talent.

what if vetinari skipped classes to sneak into clown classes?

what if vetinari secretly always wanted to be a clown?

Anon you’ve opened my third eye. Now please, please, close it again.

[eldritchwyrm]

on Planet Where Everyone Can Teleport the first person on the moon went there by accident and promptly died. The next dozen or so people also went by accident, and also died. Number 14 figured out that people who go to the moon die and very cleverly brought a sword and six weeks of travel rations. This did not help.

No one on Planet Where Everyone Can Teleport ever figured out why people die in space because they don’t need airplanes and never found it particularly interesting to climb tall mountains. Astronomers use telescopes to take pictures of the ever-growing pile of corpses on the moon.

[eldritchwyrm]

me: I’m doing a really good job getting to the last stages of my grad thesis project—I only have a few more sources left to review on the rich, intertextual writing from this specific author community and I can’t wait to—

the guy I’m writing 75+ pages about:

[eldritchwyrm]

There she was, with legs longer than the 20th century. Her blood-red silk dress, made by the raw goods, factories and logistics of a dozen countries, barely covered her curves. She lit a cigarette, shining with the dull red of a hundred revolutions.

Francis Fukuyama nearly fell from the chair he himself had made when he saw her coming in. He knew he should have locked that door. But he also knew she would come back. She would always be back. It was just a matter, like anything else on his profession, of time.

"History?" he asked, trying to sound academic, with a gasp almost escaping his throat when he smelled the smoke of ashes yet to settle.

"Oh, you recognized me, darling..." she smirked, as she walked towards him, her body flowing like a dialectical contradiction.

"I... I... thought we were done." Fukuyama stammered, sweat dripping from his forehead, his sociocultural paradigm failing faster than his composure.

"Oh, honey..." History purred with a voice husky from a thousand discourses... "We are done when I say we are done."

[eldritchwyrm]

There she was, with legs longer than the 20th century. Her blood-red silk dress, made by the raw goods, factories and logistics of a dozen countries, barely covered her curves. She lit a cigarette, shining with the dull red of a hundred revolutions.

Francis Fukuyama nearly fell from the chair he himself had made when he saw her coming in. He knew he should have locked that door. But he also knew she would come back. She would always be back. It was just a matter, like anything else on his profession, of time.

"History?" he asked, trying to sound academic, with a gasp almost escaping his throat when he smelled the smoke of ashes yet to settle.

"Oh, you recognized me, darling..." she smirked, as she walked towards him, her body flowing like a dialectical contradiction.

"I... I... thought we were done." Fukuyama stammered, sweat dripping from his forehead, his sociocultural paradigm failing faster than his composure.

"Oh, honey..." History purred with a voice husky from a thousand discourses... "We are done when I say we are done."

[eldritchwyrm]

@massachusetts-official

[eldritchwyrm]

the fun part is this did actually happen in real life once. during WWII, several british women solved a crossword really well and subsequently discovered they'd been recruited as cryptographers.

There used to be a plotline that goes something like "you're the best gamer in the world, and game was really just a covert training and recruitment tool, so now you're going to use those skills to fight aliens or whatever". It's more or less gone away, one of those speculative fiction tropes that did not stand the test of time.

I think it's a great premise though, and should start being applied to other hobbies.

"Ma'am, this regional knitting competition was actually a covert operation to find someone to run this machine of the elder gods we found buried in the desert."

"Congratulations on your silver play button, you are hereby inducted into the Paranormal Defense Force, a subsidiary of Youtube and a branch of the United States military."

"Welcome to the Olympic village. If you've made it this far, you're hereby recruited into the international super soldier program, fighting our enemies at the edge of the Crab Nebula."

[eldritchwyrm]

the devil on my shoulder is telling me to Post a Take. i am gently ignoring them. let us all consider the humble indigo bunting instead

[eldritchwyrm]

[eldritchwyrm]

i turn my clamification dial to 100% & the capital of the netherlands becomes clamsterdam. i turn it to 200% & it becomes clamsterclam

[eldritchwyrm]

bro thay put transgender in me

[eldritchwyrm]

Nikita Chan (@nikitachanart)

[eldritchwyrm]

Archaeologist problems: can't heckle a guy to give you his full citation data when he's been dead for 14 years.

[eldritchwyrm]

[eldritchwyrm]

the egg bar is coveted as fuck