#imo at least idk everyone has different tastes

[veilblight]

they said not to play as the dark urge for your first campaign because literally how am i supposed to do a custom origin run after this

[silviakundera]

I've seen you discuss this with other people but I've only made the jump from J dramas to C ones where it's mostly about romance and are c writers allergic women making the same effort in a relationship or... Granted I've only watched dramas from this year at first I thought it was just historical stuff but it's not it's practically every romance drama will love in spring-snowstorm-love endures-in blossom-double-shenli-royal princess-my boss-our interpreter and so on. If she's not outright treating him badly he's a cirque du Soleil contortionist trying to please her and she's not even in the circus don't they know balance is key to everything? Different dramas should have different bonds it's quite concerning that it's just one thing almost every time I think it speaks to a larger issue or maybe I'm overthinking it

idk what to tell you anon. It may simply be that chinese dramas are not to your taste and that's ok. I tried the occasional kdrama for years and didn't really fall in love with many... Most jdramas don't engage me. But when I tried a few cdramas it was like love at first sight. Something about the stories they want to tell, the themes they explore, and the characters they tend to portay just hooks me. And that's a very personal thing.

All I can share is that as a middle-aged corporate lesbian girlboss... a surprising amount cdramas have connected with me about how they explore a woman who is career focused & has to balance that with developing a romantic relationship and then maintaining one.

And when I'm consuming a romance storyline, what preocupies me is if I find it interesting, if the characters both feel vibrant & dynamic, if I can see how they might work together. Do their broken pieces fit? Can I see a path where eventually they can reach a point of mutual understanding, where both are fulfilled? Do I get their vibe? Do they have a unique vibe? Do I believe they like each other, as people? Or at least, do I see a clear path where they will be/have these things by the end of the story?

That's what dictates if I want to keep watching/reading a romance. Personally, I don't spend a lot of time weighing up perceived effort/favors and needing things to be perceived as "even". I would not want to date a person who thinks like that, because I find that idea stressful and off-putting! 🙈 If the people are happy, then they're happy! If neither feels abused & taken advantage of, if they're clearly content, then I don't need to calculate 'same effort' parity.

But that's just me! Everyone is different. And you don't have to overthink or justify what TV you like or don't like. Maybe cdramas aren't for you. That's all good. But please don't ask me to engage with romance this way, it kinda poisons it for me and makes things a bummer. 😔

I simply cannot say that I share your perspective. For instance, I thought Shen Li was a drama with a great otp who had priorities that did not always align but ultimately they ended up in a beautiful relationship with unconventional gender dynamics and in the finale they are clearly super happy & fulfilled together.

The Princess Royal isn't finished yet but lemme say their love in the novel is EPIC. Absolute one of the otps of all time for me. Better characters than most western historical romance novels I've read. If you look at the small stuff and try to weight who did this or that as a series of transactions, imo you are missing the beauty of how these 2 people took a lifetime of getting everything wrong before being ready for each other - but now they are ready, they are listening to each other and remembering to come back with kindness for each other and moving foward into a bond that's truly beautiful. Yeah, it takes almost the whole novel to get there. But IT DOES. No one loves Pei Wenxuan harder than Li Rong, sees the true value of Pei Wenxuan more than Li Rong, and no one will come to his ferocious rescue like Li Rong. I feel like I could cite 35 quotes to prove my point, it's that clear in the text.

a few of the modern cdrama couples who made me want to believe in love again:

Lighter & Princess - academic rivals to lovers to exes to ????, a drama that snuck up on me and slowly made me lose my mind. Best experience is to be unspoiled and thus surprised about where the story takes you. A long winding road, with some huge dips, before they reach a place where they have a beautiful hard-earned partnership. Makes me emotional just to think about them.

Hidden Love is a simple but beautifully acted tale about a sheltered & gently spoiled girl who falls in love with one of her older brother's best friends. Such a common romance plot but the execution is everything. The characters feel warm & real. FL's bittersweet young love tugs at your heart strings. I was impressed at how they crafted the platonic bond she forms with a lonely young man weighed down by financial & emotional family burdens, which later blooms into a mutual affection that enriches both their lives, and it all feels very natural. You really feel that their lives are immeasurably better by being together. Sang Zhi's protectiveness towards him is so !!!

Vid Rec: Seven by SakinaMv (who I've subscribed to for a long time)

You Are My Glory, which has a very silly sounding concept but ended up one of my fav comfort shows. Beautiful teen girl has a crush on the local school genius and asks him out; he politely rejects her, dismissing her efforts to connect because he can't see what they would have in common. 13 years later, he's a rocket scientist and she's become one of the top idols in china. She's at the peak of her profession but having a tiny PR mishap when caught repping a video game that she actually doesn't play. He's taking a leave from work as he struggles with the economic realities of picking a job that consumes your life but pays like shit. She's looking for help to learn this damn game & cover her ass; she still has his chat ID and he's online with nothing better to do. Once they start interacting, her crush on him returns & he starts to realize that that person he had discounted may actually be that confidant who can walk beside him? My dad was poor scientist who 'wasted' his intelligence following his passion, so I found ML's turmoil especially compelling. [Note: quite a bit of video game playing in the 1st half of the drama (as this is the driver for a celebrity and an unemployed scientist to hang out), then almost none in the second half]

Vid Rec: Stargazing by dramasaffair

Vid Rec: Flashlight by HânAlli (turn on CC)

The Road Home, a second chance romance of 2 people who come from rough home-lifes who fell in love when young but couldn't handle a long distance relationship. Then they meet many years later and try a long distance relationship again. I love me a couple who I can believe just get each other and make each other happier when they are together.

Meet Yourself - a slice-of-life story about a woman whose best friend dies, so she quits her job out of grief to go take the simple vacation that they would talk about doing but never got around to. And naturally she finds herself immersed in village drama and finds a soulmate (big city career woman goes to a small town and falls in love with small town boy is a HUGE american romance cliche, and one I've never enjoyed, so I was surprised at how much I liked this)

Vid Rec - MK916 can always be counted on to publish tons of quality cdrama couple vids

[mondothebombo]

mondo i have a question for you. i know that your skybound fic follows a principle of plus (add details and depth etc) and (relatively) never subtract (dont redact or change details from canon and avoid divergence). but. is there anything from skybound as a season that you would Like to change? beyond making jays torture worse. i think that one goes without saying. is there anything in the plot that you wish hadnt happened or happened differently. ive been curious about this for a while admittedly

WHOOO BOY IS THERE!!!

this is such a great ask and i’m so happy to talk abt it so hold on cuz this might be long.

you’re right, the whole goal of my fic is to add to the canon story, rather than fix or take out parts. the only parts i actually nixed were unnecessary to the plot and just put in bc 1) it’s a kids show and 2) just for (imo) poorly timed comedic relief. like the whole recruiting of the ninja replacements montage. i absolutely hate that part lmao bc it’s so somber when jay leaves his parents and then boom. funny montage. so i didn’t write that in lmao.

it’s no secret skybound is pretty objectively bad, like even those who love the szn (including myself) can see it has some pretty big flaws. in terms of what i would change?? the fucking time reversal. i legitimately hate that jay and nya went through all that, just for the others to forget, it’s awful. it just feels like the writers dug themselves so deep into a hole, the only way out was to turn back time. no hate to the trope, i just think it’s lazy writing for a big piece of media like ninjago. i don’t think it’s fair for jay to have gone through all that character development and have no one but nya know.

i also don’t like the forced marriage thg tbh. it’s weird and creepy and leaves a bad taste in my mouth, especially since this is a kids show. i’ve seen several interpretations of ppl rewriting skybound where nadakhan is after nya bc she destroyed the cursed realm, which is a take i personally love. idk it’s just w nya’s whole thg about wanting to have her own agency and be able to make decisions for herself, it doesn’t rlly make sense to me that she still ends up being the “damsel in distress.” but ig if i squint i can work w it as her letting herself be saved?

there’s a couple other minor things like dareth being a misogynist, jay taking a chill pill, but that stems from the love triangle which is a WHOLE other issue, ronin arresting them, more detail abt what happened to jay on the ship, jay getting proper medical attention, and echo zane getting a resolution, or at least not forgetting abt him.

skybound is by no means perfect, but i still love it, despite the flaws. i actually have plans to write an alternate ending either where time doesn’t reset or it does but everyone remembers instead of just jay and nya. it’ll be set in the “when you think you’re all alone” universe of sorts so everything i put in the story is addressed, but i actually wanna finish this fic first before i start another. thank you so much for the question though!!! i’ve actually been thinking a lot abt it

[bisluthq]

I thought this could be fun but if it isn’t just ignore it. Out of everyone we talk about:

- Who would you call if you got a flat tire and you didn’t have a spare?

- Who would you ask to take care of your pet while you’re on vacation?

- Who would you call if you wanted to go shopping?

- Who would you call when you want to gossip?

- Who would you go to for advice if you were having relationship trouble?

- Who would you ask to babysit your kid? (In the imaginary case where these people are your friends you also have a kid apparently)

- Who would you call if you wanted to go out to a club?

- Who would you want planning a birthday party for you?

I was trying to think of like mundane things you would need different friends for but maybe there’s someone who has more fun ideas 😭

This is indeed fun!

Travis. For sure. He’s super into cars and tbh a lot of his cars are like gear head choices not just flashy cool things. He also invested in an F1 team which implies a genuine interest and some knowledge about yk cars. I also can’t see a world where their dad didn’t teach both him and Jason about how to look after/work on cars and overall like idk it seems like he’d be able to handle that pretty easily lol like relative to all the other people (tbf none of the other people would necessarily know what to do).

My cats are pretty self-sufficient so normally like a neighbor can just come feed them (and they have a self-feeder so it’s not an every day gig) and it’s totally fine. They also prefer to like go potty in the garden and have a cat door so you don’t even need to really change their litter. That said like all these people are very busy. So idk probably unironically if he was my neighbor and he wasn’t on tour at the time, then Matty? He likes cats and like if he’s not on tour he chills at home fucking around on the internet so I think he’d be pretty good at this. I would check my ring camera to make sure he actually did it obviously and if he wasn’t surfacing I’d try phone him/Gabby to try make sure they came. But I do think they’d be okay at that chore lol like because it’s super low stress. Otherwise, again if he was my neighbor and not on tour, probably Harry. He’d be more reliable than Matty imo but he has more shit going on so like it’d inconvenience him more I think.

Urgh I don’t know. Olivia Wilde in terms of getting good fashion advice I think but Saoirse in terms of like her street style is more similar to what I’d actually feel comfortable wearing. She has really weird taste sometimes tho so like idk we’d maybe give each other good advice or something? So yeah probably Saoirse. Olivia could be my rich big sister/cool young auntie who takes me shopping tho. That’d be fun.

Taylor 1000000% not even a decision. I think she’s very fun to gossip with.

I’d say Jack and Saoirse, together, because they’re the only ones NOT demonstrably bad at relationships tbh. Jack was with his ex for forever and then married Saoirse and Saoirse is still friends with George and married Jack and figured out Hozier is a bad idea quite quickly. They also have a very varied friend group and Jack’s parents are very happy together so they seem like they’d actually give good advice or at least advice worth considering.

Harry. He’s, by all accounts, great with kids and the kids in his life dig him. He also seems like he’d take it quite seriously idk. Otherwise Joe A because he babysat as a teenager and he’s also apparently good with kids. But I feel like Joe would feel more inconvenienced by it whereas Harry would be more excited. Also in this case Joe imo would be more unreliable because he’d commit to the babysitting and then take a job in Panama lol.

Phoebe, I think, because she seems like she parties in a similar way to me and we’d have fun. Like we can both get quite hectic but also are a bit weird and awkward lol.

Taylor again. She’s great at hosting and planning parties tbf.

[myatuesday]

And, yeah, I'm in my feelings. Because... we had "the talk" again last night. Just... idk.

My situation has drastically changed.

He and I are doing really well.

My ex gf ghosted me again for like the millionth time w no explanation, sooo that's obviously not happening.

And idk. It's been on my mind a lot lately. For various reasons. (It's always on my mind. But him specifically moreso recently. Again.)

So I brought it up over our "Thanksgiving" harvest feast (which I worked on, single-handily, for a week. And tho the food was kinda just meh (maybe a 3), overall I'd still give it a solid 4 for overall effort).

I mean, he hung his head the whole time. Well half the time. But it was still like basically 1000x no.

Sigh.

What a fucking idiot.

_

Granted, in fairness (eh... that's generous, nothing about this is fair @ this point), the conversation was mostly about having kids. Or at least is started that way. Sigh.

But, I mean, for me, it was about all of it.

And I went into it literally opening with "ok, sooo... if I got a lot of money - like a lot alot". And yeah the fact it's still a no is mind boggling to me.

I mean, in my mind, most people would marry someone they don't even like for 1M. Meanwhile, um, this dude supposedly loves me and we've been dating for 6 fkn years. Ummm... I could go on. But I'm just like wtf dude. WHAT THE FUCK.

Sigh.

And then, as I write this, I'm reminded that it's not about me. It's about him. His what I'm going to call excuses are even about him. But... it's obviously a little about me. Smh.

I believe the whole "I'm just not ready" thing. But

A - who the fuck is ever ready?

B - Imo money kindof solves a lot of that, does it not?

Like fuck me dude. Ugh.

And this seems like one of those "he's just not that into you" oh idk giant red flags. But it's like oh...

He's so not into me that he spends all his free time either with me or otp w me. He's so not into me that this has been the case for 6 years. He's so not into me he's cried over me as many times as I've cried over him. He's so not into me that he can't be in the same room as me without being hard. I could go on.

And yeah. The trouble is, his DUMB ASS, still believes all that's well and good but that there's some magical angel that's gonna float in from the ether and be his fucking dream girl, so he ought not settle for love and companionship and understanding and great sex. She also needs to look like a super model, know a car as well as a mechanic, and have as shitty of taste in music as he does, I guess.

Cause heaven forbid we both settle.

Liiike... does the fact I'm settling for him not point to the fact... that's what most of us are stuck doing? And just making the best of it? Especially after wasting 6 fucking years on someone who isn't our dream person, cause oh idk, that person doesn't exist?

(I mean, ok, in my case, that person does kindof exist. But he doesn't wanna marry me [now] either. But that's a totally different conversation. Or maybe it isn't cause, again, just cause he exists...

Um, are we dating? Right right right.)

Give me a fucking break.

_

It's just frustrating because everyone always uses money or not being in a stable place or wtf ever as an excuse/reason. Then you take that issue off the table... and it's still just a bunch more excuses?

Fuck that. Fuuuck that.

[isekyaaa]

Thoughts about fontaine

I am glad the Ace Attorney portion of the quest wasn't as hard as Ace Attorney :')

Disappointed there weren't any references though

I'm glad they continued the "introverts talking to themselves in their heads" bit with Furina

Lyney reminds me a lot of Kaeya

Personally I liked the 3.0 Sumeru archon quest more but this was still very good

This quest was extremely lore heavy

If I remember correctly, the Primordial Sea is also where all the gods went that were destroyed in the archon war. May be wrong tho...

Why is it only women from Fontaine that get dissolved when coming into contact with the water? What does the sea have to do with both women and Fontaine?

Lyney paints a different picture of Arlecchino than Wanderer and Childe do

Fontaine has a buttload of teleport waypoints

I need to eventually talk to every NPC to get more info about lore and I am trying to figure out when I will get the time HAHA

Will Fontaine have its own version of the Toki Alley Tales bc if so, pls just kill me

I found it curious how the study of mechanical things is a Sumeru darshan but it's Fontaine that truly excels in the art. I wonder what the difference is between the two

No thoughts on Navia and Neuvellitte yet. It's too early. I need more data for an analysis

Thoughts on Lyney and Lynette are base level at best. I have thoughts, but I can't back them up with anything. My gut instinct is to trust what they say, but they are liars so idk yet.

Idk I just like Charlotte

Furina's durian gap moe is cute

I saw some people mentioning Neuvellitte is a gap moe too but I don't really see it. Imo, he is the person he presents himself to be

I guess more thoughts on Neuvellitte, he's calm, open-minded, level-headed, and frank.

I bet the gnosis is in the Oractice

It's already proving true, but it seems that Neuvellitte is gonna be one of those guys that everyone latches onto. At least in this case, I'd say that their taste is more based than questionable

There are clear parallels between Elynas and Durin in a way that makes my heart hurt :(

I have no story ideas generated for Fontaine yet other than....

I want to make a phantom thief Lupin like character. Initially I was gonna pair them up with Heizou, but maybe Lyney would be better?

[that-thing-that-feeling]

Yes, ugly: the plugs, the sausages, etc but mainly the hectic, TikTok style editing that doesn’t give the audience one moment to contemplate, as to hide the fact that the movie is basically a repackaged, formulaic Disney movie (be kind to losers and accept your queer daughter/grand daughter, wow, that’s really deep and challenging). I’m not saying this movie shouldn’t exist but to be celebrated as BP over much better ones? It’s like the Oscars have become the MTV movie awards. I also doubt that Fraser gave a better performance than Farrell and Mescal but TikTok and Reddit loves him (or the idea of him). Sorry, I needed to vent and I know you have good taste in movies.

Idg the level of hate directed over this film and I have been staying away from the discourse (actually that and Tar discourse, altho that was a v provocative and surprisingly stylistically int film but there’s also the end, etc.) but esp going after not really the editing but EEAAO’s message of all things, like what? That ending is deep and v moving.

It seems to me with EEAAO there are people who think it’s the best film ever made, people who hate it with a passion, and then people who even if they didn’t connect as much with the multiversing at least acknowledge it for its acting being excellent and its message being wonderful, and cool the academy went with something stylistically experimental or different for it. I’m in the third category prob altho I need to rewatch it to double check my reaction to the overwhelming multiversing bc I really liked the last part, but I had a very disjointed experience watching it (I watched the first and last half like a week apart…a mistake with any film lol). I see film twitter passing around lists of the best BP wins across the last ten years, and while I don’t agree with ones that think it’s the best above Parasite (still the best winner recently imo) or Moonlight or maybe Spotlight, I think it’s a bold choice and I’m really happy for Michelle. I can’t believe btw Portrait of a Lady on Fire and Parasite were the same year; wish Portrait had a BP nom and crazy it didn’t have an international film nom?

Anyway, Coda was not a strong BP win last year lol. I’m always :/ on the marvelization of things but think this is a more complicated and challenging if purposely overpacked film, and Michelle and Stephanie were excellent, and it has a lot to unpack. I wish Colin had won and Banshees gotten something; aftersun was prob going to win in the indie awards circuits. I was v happy when Triangle got a BP nom. Not all films will resonate with everyone and don’t have to and idk what you wish won. But I don’t get the anger at it.

In any case though, this years cycle is done, like talk to me about Sundance and SXSW films—past lives looks excellent, curious to see fair play (since I’m in my succession watching phase but am a season behind 😩 and was in my industry watching phase lol—less good—but now just djats), surprised eileen hasn’t been picked up, surprised by the excellent reviews for reality at Berlin, some sxsw films look int but I’m still catching up on reviews (I want to see ‘I used to be Funny’). Curious to see the Cannes line up; that’s p soon.

[dylbobaggins168]

okay talking about this bc i have THOUGHTS about all of this (absolutely no hate to anon, all this is personal opinion, i just feel like talking about starkid today)

okay first of all firebringer is definitely not only liked for its music, at least not by everyone. i know some people only like the soundtrack but there are so many other elements to it that are awesome!! it's such a silly funny show with fourth wall breaking elements, and even if the plot can end up being predictable, it's one of my favourites because of the queer rep that we get there!! it's probably one of my favourite starkid shows tbh, and that's outside of just the music (although it is also incredible music)

they're very different styles of music, so it's difficult to compare them. each soundtrack fits the nature of the show it goes with imo, very very well. and with those different styles of music, it will mean different people with different music tastes will prefer one over the other naturally. personally i do think that firebringer is my favourite soundtrack out of the two, and that's largely because there are such beautiful harmonies with a lot of the songs and it all fits the show so well!! of course tastes will vary person to person, but yeah that's my opinion of it, it's more to my preferred tastes

i don't think tto gets less recognition than firebringer!! of course different sides of the internet mean you see different stuff, but i've seen more love for tto than for firebringer. they are both very good shows but i've seen tto getting a lot of recognition that firebringer doesn't really!! tto gets a lot of love (which i think is partly due to it being the first big jeff blim show that isn't massively parody, yes ik it's technically based on oregon trail but not a parody to the extent of hmb) and i've seen a decent amount of firebringer just being overlooked. from my experiences in the fandom i see more people talk about tto than about firebringer. if firebringer does get more recognition, that's awesome! queer relationships and rep is awesome to see around here!! obviously not everything has to be queer rep and stuff, but it's awesome to see it get more recognition and everything

idk i just think it's not particularly true. obviously tastes vary but yeah personally my experiences with the fandom have been the opposite in terms of recognition each show gets, as well as how good the music is. i mean the music stuff is subjective to an extent but yeah i just personally disagree (also firebringer has some awesome and super underrated starkids as part of the cast so i gotta love it for that) ((also also sorry for the long ramble i just had thoughts and wanna share, nothing but love for both anon and pufferfish <3 ))

TTO has better music than Firebringer to and yet gets less recognition even tho Firebringer is apparently only liked for its music

~~~

[honestlywtfisgoingon]

When You Weren’t Looking — pt. 7/?

PROFESSOR!OBI-WAN KENOBI x READER

PART 6

an au where you and you literature professor realize you both have things to learn about love, and yourselves, outside of class. (as we all know, this can only be done through a big scoop of angst and a smutty cherry on top)

description: we finally learn what that phone call obi-wan made was all about, but he’s gonna have to do more than make a phone call if he doesn’t want to lose you

warnings: language, everyone is straight up not having a good time at some point

a/n: i just started college so schedule has been rough but we’re back, and believe it or not, for the last 4 chapters i’ve actually struggled bc i haven’t written in a long time and i’m finally getting in the groove, so my style is actually pretty diff (at least imo, i think it’s better idk) also i am living for the confrontation and i already have the next few chapters written and they get real good…

words: 4,164

reblogs + feedback welcome :)

You had gone to the library with the intention of studying, but the good mood you had woken up with persuaded you to spend some time finding something to read for your own pleasure and nothing more, no gritty assignment attached to the words. Dragging your hand along the shelves, you felt the spines of the new books, hard and glossy, promising you crisp pages and a fresh smell. It didn’t matter where you went, but none of those quite captivated you much like the older ones. You continued to peruse, instinctually making your way to the back of the library. The soft, cloth-bound spines of well-loved books told you that you had arrived, almost welcoming you into their stories.

With older books, you enjoyed the connection you imagined with its past readers; whoever bent the edge of this page, spilled on that one, wore out the cover, or whether multiple people were part of the progression. The smell of the new books was amazing, yes, but you didn’t exactly have much of a connection with the printing press that came before you.

At the end of the better half of an hour, you had found six or seven books that appealed to you. Ready to go back to your table and enjoy them, you stacked all of them up in your arms. Your little journey wasn't even halfway completed before you crashed into someone who was rounding the same corner you were. The old and rather delicate books lay strewn across the floor. Your focus should have been gathering them and assessing the damage, but it was stolen by the freshwater blue eyes hovering just above you. Hints of silvery grey ran through them, something you hadn’t noticed before. You thought it made them even more beautiful.

“Bollocks!” Professor Kenobi huffed, just before he realized exactly who was underneath him. He, a grown man, had never in his life experienced petrification of this caliber before. His eyes went impossibly wide as he stared down at you. He had imagined you in this exact position last night but under very different circumstances. The shame he felt then was nothing compared to what he felt now.

I’m going to die. This is it. I’m prepared to meet my maker.

You were silent, eyes as wide as his as you held your breath, recollecting your version of events from last night. The arms currently holding him up would’ve been wrapped around you, pulling you flush to him. A furious blush erupted on your face, fearing that he would somehow read your mind and expose you to further embarrassment… if that was even possible.

Why are your eyes open? If you close them, maybe he won’t see you.

“I, um…hello there,” it took him a second to speak, his voice having been lost in shock. When he finally found it, he felt as though he might choke on the words that were being forced out of his dry throat. If you asked, he would blame his struggle on the warm and sweet smell of your hair, the menthol chapstick swept over your lips that he could almost taste, or the smooth expanse of your neck, which he immediately designated as a perfect space for him to fill with kisses. You had effectively taken over his senses.

If these were to be my last moments, would it truly be so bad?

“Obi-Wan—“ you opened your eyes, still processing the experience of being in such close proximity with him. Even through your mortification, you couldn't help but notice the red in his beard, the perfect slope of his nose, or the creases in the outer corners of his eyes that only deepened when he laughed. Of all your observations, the one you loved the most was how he smelled: warm, woody, and crisp, like a mix of fresh forest earth still coated in dew, tea made from the spice and sweetness of cloves, and sheets still holding the heat from the dryer. the scent filled your nose and felt like a comforting embrace. Scent was supposed to be the sense most directly related to memory, and you found yourself imagining moments so clearly that you could've confused them as past events. But no, they weren't memories, just more fantasies created by someone who dearly wanted the man above them.

As you broke away from your false recollections, you remembered the real thoughts you had: thoughts about what you would do if you were to see him again, deciding that you would once again act aloof or give him a piece of your mind. Yet, out of all the responses you could’ve given, the only one that managed to get out successfully was: “did you just say bollocks?”

Your rather unexpected inquiry caught him off-guard, but he relaxed at the fact that your first words were not full of loathing. He only looked away with a sheepish smile. Here he had been thinking that he would never be able to look you in the eye again after he came to the thought of you, but you had lessened his anxieties considerably, something only you seemed to be able to do. Just hearing your voice again, even if it was a little teasing, reminded him that he was safe with you, something he had never really felt with another person before.

“I did,” slowly coming out of his trance, he removed himself from you, although he would’ve been content to lay there with you for a little longer. You shared the same sentiment. It may have shown in the slight frown you adopted once the warmth of his skin left you. “Are you offended?” he joked, smiling as he offered his hand to you. Taking it, he lifted you off the ground. What may have looked like a minor interaction to others was a very successful milestone, at least to the both of you. Before he let your hand go, you noticed how much larger they were than yours. He really could hold your entire face in one of his palms if he wanted.

I wonder how good it would feel if he used them to pin me down while he–

“Oh, um,” he bent down quickly to pick up your books of choice that littered the ground. You crouched to help him, but he put up a hand to stop you. “No, please, let me,” he told you. It was kind of him, but you weren’t just going to let him pick up everything on his own, especially when they were your books. It was when you put your hand on a book that he stopped you once again, placing his over yours. You made eye contact as he insisted once more, “Darling, please, it’s the least I could do,” You rose as he collected the last of them. Perhaps it was something he felt he was called to do as a gentleman. Regardless, you realized how much you missed hearing him refer to you as darling. It rolled off his tongue so sweetly, making your heart beat just a little faster each time he said the word. You didn’t care about acting like you didn’t anymore, and you didn’t feel scared. Somehow, when it came down to just the two of you together, it all seemed so natural and simple again; like everything just fell into place once more.

“Where are you sitting?” Obi-Wan asked, carrying all of the books in his arms. You reached to take them from him, but he pulled away. “Where are you sitting?” he said with an arched brow. you knew that if you asked again he would probably give you the books, but he genuinely seemed like he wanted to help you, and you found yourself appreciating him deeply for it, so you pointed to the table adjacent to you, tucked away in the very corner. He nodded and you both made your way over, Obi-Wan setting your books down next to your datapad and textbooks which were already laid out.

It was after you had pulled out your chair and taken a seat that you realized this was the end of your very brief interaction, and you couldn’t help but be saddened by it. He stood next to you, opening his mouth presumably to say his goodbyes…but it closed, then opened, then closed again. The professor seemed to be at a loss for words.

How could he not be? He wanted so badly to continue this moment, hoping to mend what he had done. With an exasperated sigh, he gave up trying to form the right sentences and simply sat down next to you. You watched his actions, recognizing the same feeling you got when he decided to shut you out. Before he could continue to hurt you further, you spoke.

“Professor please, you were clear enough before,” you said flatly, covering up the apprehensiveness in your voice. He knew your meaning, and once again felt deep regret.

“No no, I would like to…apologize,” he was quick to soothe your fear that he was going to make you relive that conversation. Your brows raised in surprise. “I’m sorry. So very sorry my dear one,” he said those words with such care, not wanting to leave even the littlest piece of room for you to doubt them. He looked down at the floor, “I regret my words the day I sent you from my office far more than the words I said at the bar. I know it wasn’t just the words too I…I’ve been so cold to you,” His eyes flicked back up to yours, his head still lowered penitently.

“Thank you for saying that. It means a lot to me. very much so, and—” you pressed your lips together for a moment, almost scared to say give him the forgiveness he was pleading for.

what if he doesn’t mean it? just wants me to help clear his conscience? he pushed me away first, so maybe I should keep him at arm's distance…

And there it was: that connection that told you it was ok, that you wouldn’t regret it, that he meant every word. You remembered why you were drawn to him in the first place: he listened to you and responded with intention. Maybe it was your turn to do the same for him. It wasn’t that what he did was ok, it was because you didn’t wish for him to continue to carry the guilt with him, as most good people do, and Obi-Wan was a good man.

“—and I forgive you,” you said softly. He beamed up at you, and you were tempted to place your hand on his cheek to let him know you truly meant it, that you were going to allow him to still be close to you. You didn’t let yourself, realizing that he was still your teacher, that even if you allowed him, you could never get close in that way. you didn’t dwell on that though, and continued, still not having asked your most important question: “But why?”

“I was immature, and embarrassed,” with every word he had to lower his pride. He wasn’t supposed to feel such things, he was someone who people looked up to, didn’t expect to act that way, and admitting it would mean he failed them; but with you all you required of him was honesty, and your expectations mattered to him far more than anyone else’s. It took a lot of strength for him to tell you as much, but it was worth it to confess, “I am a grown man and yet I still need affirmation, and I desperately wanted yours,” you blushed at the thought of him thinking so highly of you. “and when I felt like I lost it by acting like a total drunken idiot, I reacted poorly, which was even more idiotic,” he rolled his eyes at himself and you were happy to see the less serious side of Obi-Wan once more.

“Far more idiotic,” you both chuckled. “But it’s not bad to need affirmation, it’s human. What matters more is where you’re looking for it, and never doubt that you have mine,” there was so much admiration in the way that he looked at you. In his eyes, you were nothing short of an angel.

Honest, kind, understanding… there’s no one like her. Even her heart is beautiful.

“Thank you, y/n. it seems like you have more to teach me,” you laughed lightly, and it was at that moment that he realized he wanted to keep hearing it again and again; to be the one to make you laugh mornings and nights. Seeing you like this again was making him reconsider taking the risk.

“What are friends for?” you said in a bright tone, shrugging. You were content with your choice of words, deciding that to be friends was best. Even after this conversation, your heart would still be in the process of healing, haunted by the thought that he could just change his mind again. It would hurt far less to fear a friend leaving than a lover, at least that’s what you reasoned, so you would try viewing him in a platonic light, and only in a platonic light. Another valid point was that if you were simply cordial and uninvolved, he would just flow into your life, not take it up. You were confident in your thought process, both very practical and precautionary, and you patted yourself on the back for it. Obi-Wan could not be counted quite as content as you were.

“And I am happy to have you as one of mine,” his smile was fighting against the small grimace he wanted to let out after your statement. This battle in both his heart and mind was getting tiresome, and just when he was deciding that maybe he was on the wrong side…

Friends. Exactly what you had wanted before isn’t it? And yet it hurts to hear her say it.

He could not complain though, as being your friend was still a highly valued position in his eyes, and he was grateful for your lives to once again be connected.

“Professor, y/n,”

A moment with Obi-Wan. A moment with him, that’s all I ask.

Didn’t I make arrangements for you not to be around her?

You knew the cause for your dropping your smile so immediately and Obi-Wan knew his, but the two of you were clueless about the other’s. The fact both of you had reason to dislike Ferus’ presence right now was a surprise and one that would definitely be pondered later.

You doubted that Obi-Wan’s had anything to do with you, but in reality, he desperately hoped that you couldn’t see that it was. He was afraid that if you recognized his jealousy, it would only paint him as childish in your eyes, especially when he had just apologized for behaving so. Things changed a little when he realized you were obviously unhappy about the situation as well. He became more concerned over what offense Ferus had committed in order to warrant such a cold greeting on your end. He had enough faith in you to assume it was justly deserved, and the poor boy had once again earned another mark against him in Kenobi’s book, still unaware that he had a first. Mingled with the protective spark Obi-Wan had for you, he was ready to defend you should you ask it.

“Can I steal y/n away for a moment?” There was a hesitation in his request that indicated he might have sensed how unwelcome it was. It would actually be impressive if he didn’t…considering the harsh stare from you that he was met with.

Obi-Wan wanted to stay by your side, but he knew he had to play his part as your professor with no attachments at all. “Of course, you may, Mr. Olin,” he responded with all the cordiality he could muster.

“No you may not,” You suddenly spoke just as Obi-Wan was about to rise from his chair. He was more than happy to settle back in.

“y/n—“

“I’m busy, Ferus,” you responded bluntly.

“I just want to say sorry,” your back straightened in surprise. Two men were apologizing to you today and you were used to the men in your life apologizing, well, never. You would have enjoyed it more if it weren’t for the fact that they have to fuck up first just to have a reason to.

You gave Obi-Wan an apologetic look, signaling for him to leave. He didn’t like it, but he pursed his lips and nodded to you anyway. You watched him walk away and began once he exited the building completely.

“Look,” you sighed, “I’m not mad. I just really didn’t appreciate it.”

“Yes but—“

“Yes but what?”

“I’m sorry, but you don’t understand,”

“But I don’t understand?”

How dare he? What excuse could there be that made some of it my fault for not understanding?

You were planning not to make a big deal out of this, but no matter the issue, if he was gonna pin it on you too, like hell you were gonna let that happen. you raised your voice a little loudly, Madame Jocasta shushing you. You gathered your things quickly and strode out of the library. “what could I possibly not understand?” you said harshly, not even bothering to look at him as he trailed behind you.

“There are some things that you don’t know, and it’s just…it’s hard,” You raised your brow even further. Ferus went rigid. “You know what? you wouldn’t understand,”

“How did you not understand when I was clear about being just friends? And then your apology comes with an excuse attached?!”

“You don’t even kno–” Ferus raised his voice.

“y/n, what’s wrong?” Anakin rushed to your side.

“Stay out of this Skywalker,” Ferus glared at the new arrival.

Anakin just looked at you, asking silently if you wanted him to leave. You were going to tell him to go but when Ferus beat you to it, you changed your mind and told Anakin to stay for that reason only. It was a little petty to do something just to spite Ferus, but, well, fuck that.

“If y/n’s in it, I’m in it, and I’m telling you to leave it now Ferus,” Anakin’s loyalty was showing so clearly, and you saw how real of a friend he was. It was a bond that was invaluable to you.

“Always in the way, Skywalker,” Ferus turned to leave, “and you know what? I finally got the recognition I deserved. I earned it, unlike you.”

“What do you mean?” you both looked at each other and then back at Ferus. Your reaction was of genuine confusion and curiosity, past hostility.

“Kenobi spoke to Professor Mundi. Got me a position as his TA and into his program; and you thought you were his favorite, huh?” Ferus had a smug smile as he walked off, no doubt feeling like he had won, even though the battle he was fighting didn't really exist. He just hated Anakin because he got what Ferus felt entitled to. You held the same loyalty Anakin had just shown he had for you, and it made Ferus’ mindset even more sickening than it usually would be.

“I don't understand.” you shifted your attention to Anakin, “like I heard what he said, but I don't get it.”

“I’ve gotta ask Obi-Wan about this,” he said, just as perplexed. When he started to walk away, you started to go with him, but he stopped, giving you a look that he wanted to do this on his own, no doubt because Ferus had made this a problem with him first. You nodded and patted him on the shoulder, releasing him to seek out your professor by himself.

As per usual, Anakin made no effort to enter subtly once he got to Obi-Wan’s office. His teacher was well-accustomed to his habits by now and didn't even look up from his desk. The heavy steps and the sound of the door closing loudly when he pushed it back with too much accidental force, was just another “hello” to him by now. The only difference today was that the steps were quicker and more urgent.

“Why would you help him? why would you get him that position with Professor Mundi?” Anakin asked, both in concern and alarm. There was no way this decision made sense.

Obi-Wan didn't need him to clarify who he was talking about, although he did wonder how he found out. “You said he was bitter, so I gave Professor Mundi a call a while back. I thought that maybe this would clear the bad blood between you two,” he said with a casual wave of his hand.

“Since when did you care? leave the blood. this isn’t like you!” Anakin wasn’t angry, just frustrated, and part of him felt mildly betrayed. Obi-Wan gave Ferus, the person who’s been on his ass for how long, exactly what he wanted. “There’s some other reason I know it,”

“No there's not,” the other man denied.

“The only reason Ferus popped up is because of y/n” Anakin was beginning to piece things together for himself, but he wanted Obi-Wan to be the one to come clean with it.

“Well, I can’t help who he associates with,”

“Oh yes, you can. What does he get out of this?”

“Just some credit,” Obi-Wan hummed.

“Actually,” Anakin pushed harder.

“He’ll still get credit for the assignments that I said he can be exempt from while he spends time helping Professor Mundi; and we’ll both write him a glowing recommendation,”

“‘exempt from’ as in exempt from the group project,” it was presented as a statement rather than a question. “And he’ll be with Professor Mundi most days after class now so you'll know where he is, and it’s not with y/n,” Obi-Wan ran a hand over his face. There was no point in continuing to try and lie to Anakin, he was caught.

“I know you’re not mad about it though, he did cross a line with you,” Anakin felt a little accomplished now that he had finally broken down his professor, but more than that, he was touched by his words. Obi-Wan cared about both of you and had been listening to Anakin all along. He had been waiting for this moment, excited to finally shit talk about Ferus with Obi-Wan.

“So you agree he’s been a dick all along!”

“Anakin, you know I would never say that…out loud,”

“You do!”

“You’re not going to get me to say it out loud,” Obi-Wan kept an unbothered face, but Anakin didn’t miss the twinkle in his eye. “but he crossed a line with you and y/n and that’s not okay,”

“So does this mean you’re going after her?” the younger man raised his voice excitedly.

“No it does not,” Obi-Wan said firmly. Anakin looked dumbfounded. Here his professor was, so obviously head over heels, but willing to do anything but actually go for it.

“Did you ever think that you could lose her?”

“What?”

“That you could lose her. Taking Ferus out of the picture doesn’t mean she’ll stay. She could move on just fine without him,”

He could see genuine fear in Obi-Wan. Anakin had the same fear with Padme. He was scared that if he waited to tell Padme how he felt, he might lose his chance. If her feelings went unencouraged and unrequited, would they last long enough for him to finally build up the guts? He didn’t even want to think about that possibility again.

Obi-Wan’s mind was reeling. But no, that was a risk he wasn’t willing to take. He made progress today, and he wasn’t headstrong like Anakin. All he wanted was for you to be in his life, and he was content with that.

“I talked to her today. We’ve decided to be friends,”

“And friends is what you want?”

Obi-Wan pursed his lips. Maybe he wasn’t so content.

“I— there’s nothing else for me to do,”

“Talk to her,”

“It's not right,” Obi-Wan was holding his head in his hand, speaking frustratedly at the desk.

“Talk. To. Her,”

“I don’t even know what to say. I don’t even know how I feel,” he threw up his hands in exasperation.

“You don’t have to know,” Anakin moved around to place his hand on Obi-Wan’s shoulder, “ If you try, it’ll come out naturally. She’ll get it”

“And what if she doesn’t feel the same?” The TA was starting to see the vulnerability in his Professor.

“What if she does? How long do you think she’s gonna feel the same if you keep her waiting?” Anakin put a clock on it now, and Obi-Wan felt the pressure.

“I—I have a lot to think about,”

guys had to add this in order to use the first gif. it’s the law.

PART 8

tags:

@bakerstreethound @heyhawtdawgs @mcbenson25-blog @heyitsaloy @stanny-uwu @venus-armote @ohworm-writes @songoficecreamandfireworks

[dua-yinepu]

Kemetic Alcoholic Offering Recipe (from scratch)

Hello everyone, I'm giving you this updated recipe for that "Egyptian beer" post I made like 2 years ago.

Recipe, primary fermentation:

2.5 lb of honey, preferred wildflower but others work. Local is always good!

32 oz of pure pomegranate juice

water to top this mixture up to 1 gallon.

A packet of yeast, bread yeast will work but any wine yeast is preferable for a more predictable result.

Mix this all together and put it in a container large enough to hold that gallon without a lot of air above the liquid. (Please please please sanitize whatever you and the mead touch prior to making this. StarSan is a great brewing sanitizer, .2 oz makes a whole gallon. A bleach mixture works too, just rinse very well, or send it through your dishwasher on sanitize) You'll need an airlock of some sort, they're really cheap, or if you're just experimenting, you can tie a cloth/paper towel over the hole and put a cup over it. Balloons with a pin hole or a medical glove with a pin hole will work too. Anything that lets air breathe out but not go in will avoid overoxygenation and mold. Too much oxygen exposure after fermentation starts can lead to some off flavors, but it's rarely something you need to really worry about.

Secondary Fermention:

At this point, you are 2 weeks or more from when you first mixed everything together to let it ferment. The yeast should be settling at the bottom and the drink should be clearing up. If you'd like, you can siphon off of the yeast that has settled at the bottom, into a new container. This way your offering wont taste so yeasty and you won't accidentally mix it up. Next we have some optional but delicious additions:

2-3 medjool dates, whatever dates you can find, dice them up and carefully drop them into the container you are fermenting in.

1/2 tbsp of dried rose petals

1 tbsp of Nile lotus petals

I need to give a small heads up about the Nile lotus petals. You'll have to order them online, you probably won't need a lot. Also, it has the property to make medication you've taken for the day useless. It's not 100% like that but that IS a property of the flower, I just want to make that clear. If you take anything live saving or for mental health, please just leave it out. Otherwise it's just a small unique tasty addition that I like to add, as it relates to the Nile.

Sidenote, you could try chamomile instead?? idk.

Let those ingredients sit in the container for about 2, 2.5 weeks max. If you siphoned the mead off of the yeast previously, you could siphon off again to leave behind the dates/flowers, or you can just strain them out.

From here you can bottle it and put it in the fridge. For bottling, those cheap swing top bottles are always a great option, or if you get fancy with it you can use an old empty wine bottle and buy yourself corks and a corker (not too expensive imo, just be prepared to put it somewhere)

Personally I like to let mine age at least a month or two to let the flavors come together into a much more finished product, but you can wait longer if you'd like. Refrigerating isn't super important but since it uses fruit, I'd recommend it.

If anyone has any questions, I'd love to answer.

I love this recipe, came up with it myself. It's technically a mead and not a beer, but perhaps I'll see about making a beer recipe too (just some different ingredients, malt extract instead of honey)

Dua Netjeru!

[shihalyfie]

@sage-striaton replied to your post:

Idk how people can say Frontier has characters that lack depth. Imo it’s a very psychological season. The whole adventure thing is aimed to making them grown in their behaviours and feelings, it’s a big metaphor of their development

I’m sorry for hijacking your response to my post to segue this into another rant of mine, but I want to emphasize that one of my goals with this blog (if I can be said to have any) is that I really, really, really want people to re-examine whether they actually believe in the rhetoric that’s been dominating this fanbase for two decades, or whether there’s more to it. This is especially in regards to the fact that we’re talking a series deliberately written in such a way that it’ll change meaning and nuance as you get older, so it can “grow up” with you in a sense, and yet it seems like -- especially in regards to Adventure through Frontier, due to their position as the oldest series that the majority of the fanbase was elementary or preteen age during -- people are still regurgitating the same rehashed twenty-year-old ideas like they’re undeniable law. It’s one thing if they’re saying it because the series didn’t sit well with them the first time and they don’t want to watch it again, but we’re reaching a recurring problem where it’s sort of “brainwashing” even people who don’t actually believe it but feel compelled to go along with it, or wouldn’t feel that way if it weren’t for peer pressure. Obviously, there are dissenting opinions, and ones that are even very loud about that, but that pressure remains.

The mainstream opinion in the fanbase is that Adventure is untouchable and impervious to any criticism, 02 is its inferior sequel with half-baked characters, Tamers is an auteur work that’s the “deepest” of the original tetralogy due to being dark, and Frontier is devoid of much substance at all. Even those who don’t really believe in this will still be pressured to go alongside it, those who like 02 or Frontier will be pressured to consider it a “guilty pleasure”, and it’s only very recently when certain events revealed that the idea of 02 actually having quite its own fervent and passionate fanbase that likes it on its own merits became properly recognized. (I have actually noticed a huge uptick in 02 fans, especially casual ones, being more shameless in talking about liking it in the last two years; you’re still going to get the obnoxious person “reminding” you how bad it apparently is if you bring it up, but it’s not nearly as prevalent as it used to be.) I’m not talking about whether something is a “good” or “bad” series -- that concept doesn’t really exist to me as much as whether it’s “to one’s tastes” or not, and I think one of the joys of this franchise is that it has things that cater to people with vastly different preferences -- as much as a lot of potential for analysis and intimate thought about these very fascinating series. Even if 02 and Frontier were as shallow or half-baked as they were accused of, I wouldn’t think it’d be shameful to like them for one’s own reasons anyway, but what frustrates me is that I just don’t think that’s true in the first place!!

Not helping is that there’s still a refusal among the fanbase to admit that there were substantial differences in American English dubbing (especially in regards to Adventure and 02), which I don’t mean as a bad thing in the sense that some people prefer to stick only with that dub and consider that version what they want to work with, but in the sense that the treatment of them as “the same thing” has been horribly detrimental when two people, one coming from that dub and one coming from the Japanese version (or a dub more closely based on it), will end up often having an argument doomed to go nowhere because they were never talking about the same thing to begin with. Recently, a friend admitted to me that although they’d switched to the Japanese version a long time ago, they still couldn’t get the image of Daisuke and Takeru having an inherently hostile relationship (they don’t) out of their head due to the influence of that dub, and although they consciously knew better -- at least enough to admit this to me -- it wasn’t helped by the fact that the fanbase itself continues to reinforce this image because of how normalized it is to treat the dub version and the Japanese version as “virtually the same” and for Western fanbase discourse to assume you should be projecting those takes into the Japanese version. If you’re hanging out in English-speaking circles but are working from the Japanese version or a dub directly based off of it, you do actually have to filter out a lot of takes you’re hearing because they won’t actually apply to the version you’re watching, but not a lot of people realize this.

All four of Adventure through Frontier share tons of key staff, especially Seki, known for her focus on wanting the kids in the audience to be able to empathize with and relate to the characters on screen. All four share some of the best character work I’ve seen not only in this franchise, but also in kids’ media in general, and I also stress that a lot of this has a ton of nuance that isn’t always apparent unless you read between the lines. I do understand that a lot of this probably went over our heads as kids, and I won’t say that the choice to execute it this way should be impervious to criticism, but nevertheless, I think it’s important to call attention to the fact it is there, and much of it becomes recognizable once you see it that way; for instance, so much of "it's contradictory character writing!" comes from the fact that the series tries to represent humans in their inconsistent, messy ways, and while it'll feel "messy" from a writing trope perspective, when you think about it as "since this person has this mentality, does it make sense to approach this with this mindset?", suddenly it becomes very consistent. The supposedly “shallow” 02 and Frontier characters will act in ways that match existing psychological profiles meant for actual humans to terrifying degrees, in ways that you might actually recognize even better once you’ve hit adulthood and start intimately understanding things like depression or anxiety in ways you might not have before. Shockingly, “having heart, important themes, and kindness towards the human condition” are completely valid reasons to uplift a creative work in ways distinct from technical writing or cerebrality or how many tropes they subvert or whatever.

On the flip side, people praise Adventure and Tamers for being the naturally “superior” works with better writing, but when it comes to talking about why the writing is supposedly better, a good chunk of the reasons stated don’t actually explain anything substantial, or go back to actually being passive-aggressive dunks on the other series in some form -- it’s because 02 and Frontier’s character writing sucks that badly, or because Adventure had the “best plot” (which may be true if by “best” you mean “easiest to understand”, but that doesn’t mean much to someone who might not be very happy about how its story progression is just a boss rush), or because Tamers is the “deepest” when by “deep” they actually mean “cerebral, dark, and unsubtle about it” without any further meaning (as if Adventure and 02 were idealistic series that never went into anything nuanced and not, say, the fact they went very viciously deep into societal issues between parents and children, psychological horror, and intimate takes on the human condition). I’m personally saying this as someone who does think Adventure and Tamers have a lot to praise in terms of their approaches to realism and the unique aspects each bring to the table, and I feel that people like this are doing them more of a disservice by not bothering to uplift them for any reason that isn’t actually just inherently condescending. I mean, even taking this outside of the original tetralogy for a bit, when I was plugging Appmon earlier, there’s a reason I focused more on its theme and character writing and the use of “dark” writing to convey its sheer range, rather than trying to boil it down to a shallow “it looks cheery but gets really messed up later!”, which is unfortunately an argument I’ve been seeing about it lately.

In the end, when I write my meta, I write it "making a case" for my point of view, and I welcome others to disagree, but if you disagree, I really hope it'll be because you personally disagree, and not because the entire fanbase has been saying otherwise for twenty years and I sound like a radical. I’m not saying that everyone’s consensus takes are completely unfounded, but frankly speaking, this fanbase has some really bad takes, and in the past few years I’ve found it freeing to not only “say what you feel without worrying what others think”, but actually go out of my way to outright try and purge all the preconceived notions and pick only the ones I agree with because I actually agree with them. I encourage you to do it too! And if you do, you might find things about something you like that you didn’t realize before.

[catsrightnow]

Was thinkin abt this last night. Like.

When I think of AI characters I think of robots. Keebo, GLaDOS, Hera, Chii. Even if they don't have a humanoid "body", instesd being. like. a space ship. These characters are all functionally human, imo? In a lot of ways, at least. I mean. how does it differ, yk?

I gave the example of renop but I want to talk abt why specifically Koro cant understand touch smell or taste even if it has "memories" of it from other people.

Molyneux's problem, asking if formerly blind people could tell objects apart by sight alone (after having previously touched them while blind). Thd answer was no. Never in their life had "roundness" as a visual and "smoothness" as a feeling been equated with eachother. No visual input had been associated with feeling yet, and those senses aren't intrinsic.

Anyway. I think Koro doesnt even recognize not having these things as... anything, really. Someone born blund wouldn't know that's "weird" if everyone around them is blind, too. Koro knows the people around it have something it doesn't but ... it's not a human? It's a seperate being entirely. I said theres no autonomy in it, but it doesnt actually think like that, imo. It has no equal or parallel, so it has nothing to prove that it's lacking in something. I'll again pose the sixth sense of renop, something an alien species has and reacts to. Even if I see it clearly... what do I care? I clearly don't need it. I've been perfectly fine without it.

And I don't think any of that effects its sense of being. I mean, when I think of my "self", me as a Thing, i don't consider my senses to be part of that at all. I don't consider my body- even my brain- as my "self". Koro's no different.

Koro's a really interesting character, idk

ive said it before but smth I really like abt Koro is how very very very not human it is. It can't speak- theres no vocal data for it to form words- beyond outputting data on a screen. It has consiousness, it can "think", but it can't talk.

It can't move. Theres no limbs or movable parts on it besides its "eye". It's the size of a building, extending through every house in Koro, and it can't interact at all. It has zero means of communication with anyone besides its screen, located deep inside the Koro HQ, seen only by The Grandmaster.

This thing is a god. I mean its literally worshipped as a god. It's knowledge exceeds any human, living or dead. It's got a personality, a mind, a sense of self, but that self is nothing. There is almost zero autonomy in it. If someone got past the defenses, if guards and traps weren't enough and someone made it into the Basilisk's chamber, there would be no way for it to fight back.

Actually, it wouldn't even know what's happening in there. It has cameras and mics throughout all of Koro, but nothing was ever installed in the Basilisk- its "mind", its motherboard.

Koro can't feel pain. It has no sense of touch. It has no concept of pain, it has memories from its human parts but no way to actually process it. It's like if I told you there was a sixth sense, renop. And with renop there's something called fleg, which is bad. You don't wany people to experience fleg. Now, I can tell you how fleg is caused so you know what not to do, but you have no idea what fleg is. You don't evsn know what renop is. How could you explain what touch is? With no concept of feeling, it simply doesn't exist to you.

So in the basilisk chamber, it wpuld have no idea whats happening. It cant see you, it can't hear you, it can't hear or smell or taste you. if you broke it complety, would it know? Do you know what happened the moment you die?

It is. a computer. It has no more ability than the box sitting by your moniter, without human help. It can process, it can give concepts, it can work with what exists inside it. But it doesn't HAVE anything inside it if someone doesn't put it there

[subjecta5newtella]

thoughts on newtmas :) go on :) i’m listening :)

sami rly said ok time for violence. this is going to be so long sorry everyone.

if we’re talking newtmas itself as a ship in itself, outside of any other influence (and specifically in the movie version, which is generally what people are talking about), I think it’s a good ship. I would have to be the most unobservant motherfucker alive to not see what people see in it, and I am not, in fact, the most unobservant motherfucker alive. it’s a good dynamic with good chemistry and realistically I think if I’d started with the movies rather than the books, I would’ve gone all in for it.

however. I personally am incapable about talking about it in isolation.

I realize from that segue it sounds like I’m about to lead into some grand moral point, but mostly I just liked how dramatic it sounded. anyway. I feel like I need to start with a disclaimer that the easiest, simplest part of this is that you tend to get attached to your first ships in a fandom, as well as your initial feelings about the characters. obviously you can change your mind about any of those things, but it does stick with you. if we’re going to be kind and skip my internalized homophobia era (please be kind), I shipped thominho and nalby because that’s what was big at the time. I also just... did not like book thomas very much, so I wasn’t about to ship him with my favorite character.

(complete and utter tangent: it’s interesting to me that people read the books now and overwhelmingly see newtmas. I recognize that every time I start a sentence with “it’s interesting that” it automatically sounds shady, but i genuinely just love Analyzing. anyway some of it’s definitely people seeing the movie first or having fandom content as a first exposure even in passing, all of which are valid ways to engage, but I do kind of find it fascinating when people talk about book!newtmas as some massive presence because then... theoretically we all should’ve seen it pre-movies? the ship existed, usually among people who hardcore multishipped, but it wasn’t anything like it is today. not at all to say that reading it like that is invalid, it’s just interesting to me the way some people talk about that interpretation, rather than the interpretation itself)

anyway. with that all out of the way, i do have some actual issues with newtmas, although it really doesn’t have anything to do with the characters or the ship itself. these are things that surround the ship and affect my feelings about it, meaning that I never bought in despite, like I said, Seeing It. my main issue with it is how much the roles of other characters have been reduced to create the ship in its current form. I’ve talked at far too much length about the way minho was adapted and honestly will probably talk about it more, because that’s the big one to me (that post can be found here, for those who don’t keep up with every rant I’ve ever gone on for some reason). I will not go so far as to say that’s required reading to fully understand this post, but I would recommend it since I don’t want to just repeat myself. so much of newtmas being the major ship feels like it’s predicated on minho not being there and not having anywhere near as strong a relationship with thomas and newt as he did in the books, and that will never sit right with me.

newt’s relationship with alby is his other most significant dynamic outside thomas and minho, and i feel like it might be surprising to hear me say this, but i get why that one was reduced for the movie. there’s only so much time in the film, so you want to focus on the characters who are going to make it past the first one. I do have a problem here, but it has more to do with dashner and with some fandom bullshit. with dashner, i think the crank palace is the worst of it (I could’ve just stopped that sentence at “I think the crank palace is the worst” but whatever). since all my rants lead back to each other, I’ll link the relevant one here, but the general gist is that my biggest problem was that newt does not seem to have any more of a post-swipe past than thomas does despite theoretically having two more years of memories. given that fact, I don’t know about you, but I would kind of expect alby to be more of a presence in his consciousness. that’s true of pretty much any of the original gladers, but newt and alby are clearly very close in the first book, and again, alby saved his fucking life. he’s literally mentioned once. dashner prioritized the newt/thomas dynamic so much that newt seemingly had no meaningful relationships with anyone else. tcp isn’t immune to treating minho badly either; like I said in that post, it sounds like newt read the wikipedia page on minho. is any of this the fault of the ship itself? does this change anything that came before it? no, but the whole thing feels massively disingenuous, and also kind of disrespectful to people who actually, like, gave a shit about the other characters. also, the way he’s retconning makes me real nervous.

the other part, like I mentioned, is the fandom more than any of the actual content. I’m aware that part of this is just a statistics game and also that’s it’s not representative of all newtmas shippers, but most of the alby bashing I’ve seen comes from newtmas people. it’s... baffling to me, honestly. what’s the point in putting down a ship being kept alive by me and like 3 other people? what do you gain by misrepresenting a character to the point of maliciousness when you could easily just not engage with them? again, I know it’s not everyone and it doesn’t have anything to do with the ship, but I’d be lying if I said things like this don’t color my perception. if someone goes out of their way to put down a ship I like, I’m not really gonna want to associate myself with their ship. I’m gonna cling to my own harder out of spite, actually.

also.... okay. so I peaced out to go do other shit between earlyish 2015 and mid 2019. and it was very weird to temporarily leave the fandom while the two main (in my recollection at least, which could be biased by who i was friends with) mlm ships each included one of the explicitly non-white characters, and come back to find it almost entirely dominated by white boy/white boy... like. I don’t wanna make a statement as simple as “the fandom is racist” because a) it’s not my place to say that, b) if we want to go into that, there are other examples of fandom racism where it’s Blatant and there really is no excuse, whereas this is a bit more complicated imo because c) like. that’s the dynamic the movies gave us. the movies focused very heavily on the newt and thomas dynamic, so of course that’s what the fandom is going to focus on. there’s a lot to say there, but that’s a different issue. it does.... still contribute to the bad taste in my mouth, though, and also contributes to me feeling like I need to keep those ships alive. it’s not about who has the Most Progressive Ship, I just feel weird about the particular shift I’ve seen here.

on a note that sounds less like I’m leveling accusations, New Relationships just aren’t my vibe. you look at my ao3 and it’s like. friends of many years to lovers. established relationship. friends to lovers to exes and back again. just from a dynamics perspective, there are other ships that are more interesting for me to explore. there. this is a lighter reason.

idk overall I don’t wanna sound like I’m on some Moral Crusade here, even though i know some of my points made it sound like that. this is really just me putting all of my thoughts that I can currently round up in one place in order to... idk, explain myself? and like it’s stupid that i feel the need to explain myself, but I know it’s weird not to ship it at this point, and I know if I did I would have so much more content to choose from and a much wider audience for my own content. there’s just baggage there thats entirely separate from the ship itself, having seen the shift and knowing what had to change in order to center newtmas. I’m not trying to sound like I’m better than anyone; I just think maybe I have a different perspective on things having been here for long enough to qualify it as a new mental illness, and that’s ultimately why I feel the way I do.

[non-sequitura]

Non-sequitura Disney in-depth analysis (after making a tier list)

Warning: SUPER longform. If you don’t know a movie well, you should skip the summary. I tried to be light on spoilers, but they’re there.

I went chronologically from favorite to least favorite. So S tier is, in order from fave to least fave, The Incredibles, WALL-E, then Zootopia.

S tier (Something I consider high quality AND a movie I greatly enjoy. I would love more Disney movies be like this.)

The Incredibles - one of my favorite movies of all time, possibly THE favorite. Rockin social commentary, epic action scenes, memorable characters, not a minute of screentime wasted, great take on the Fantastic Four, hilarious parts for both adults and children, an interesting villain, etc. 

WALL-E - I love how social commentary was done here. Also skies above, what a beautiful love story. Really blazed a trail in non-verbal storytelling (especially given it was an animated kids film!) Robot animations are particularly delightful. 

Zootopia - another social message delivered excellently and entertainingly. I love Judy and her persistence, I love the expressiveness of the faces and the epic city setting. I love Judy and Nick's banter. This movie deserves to be remembered longer than it has been so far. Admittedly, not one of my fave villains, which makes it my least favorite of the Ss. 

A tier (either super high quality or something I greatly enjoy and deem of at least reasonably good quality)

Mulan - this movie did everything right. Truly feminist protagonist, an icon for strong Asian women, fairly culturally accurate (tho Mushu confuses me), GORGEOUS and iconic music. Lets a relatively natural romance develop. I frickin love the action scenes, I love the emporer. Sadly, this movie just didn't lodge its way in my heart as well as Pixar did. Pixar just has some magic, yo. 

Cinderella - my gosh what an underrated protagonist. Her family straight-up abuses her and she never loses sight of her goals for a better life. Iconic visuals helped bring Disney out of bankruptcy. A gorgeous alto singing voice. 

Wreck-it Ralph - alright alright ppl don’t crucify me for this. I honestly can’t think of much wrong with this movie. Vanellope and Ralph’s vitriolic best buds relationship is adorable, her forgiveness of him is heartwarming and (relatively) deserved, rockin’ Owl City song, epic visuals that mix together bc of all the different games. ALSO ONE OF THE BEST DISNEY VILLAINS NO CAP. One of the only twist villains I like. And we stan the romantic pairing. 

Tangled - I’ve talked about this a lot, but Rapunzel deserved the whole world after what she’s gone through. That being said, Gothel is not some shallow monster she needs to escape from, but an intelligent, well-defined monster with backstory. I could totally see this story happening if the world of Tangled existed. Epic love story, hilarious dialogue. Music is… good but much of it is less memorable to me. Visuals are good but not quite at the level/creativity of many other disney films. 

The Lion King - they really put Hamlet in Africa and pulled it off lol. But in all seriousness, no one took the premise of this film seriously at the time and it became sooo iconic. I love Scar and his eventual downfall, I love how Simba grows emotionally, I love the sad moments that don’t overpower the overall feeling of light goofiness. And music so memorable it was one of the first Disney musicals. 

Coco - not a super unique story premise. But an incredible culture to explore with such creativity and sensitivity. I love the themes of death not being the worst and music being so central to the story. Twist/twist villain was memorable and not expected. And yeah, it did make me cry, so props there. 

Ratatouille - the most recently watched of these films for me. This movie is soooo unique! Back when Pixar was truly super out there with their concepts. Super Parisian visuals and soundtrack. It somehow starts goofy (THE OLD LADY TRIES TO KILL REMY WITH A SHOTGUN WHILE WEARING A GAS MASK) but really drives home the message that you can truly do what you want regardless of who you are. Colette can get it. And the monologue by Ego at the end is one of my favorites in film. 

Frozen - Anna is one of my favorite Disney protagonists. She’s so resilient and loyal. Elsa ain’t bad either but she experiences… less character development. The film is a tad too pleased with its own self-awareness for my taste, but there’s no denying how iconic the music and visuals were. 

Inside Out - Alright, this movie hits home for me bc I tried to run away after moving. A super thoughtful, heartfelt depiction of (potentially depression? imo) with great moments of humor. Riley’s inner world is so creative and lovely. Also realistic depictions of Minnesota/California culture. 

Tarzan - Jane! is! smart! and! adorable! Her scientific curiosity makes her very endearing. it’s so cute to see her and Tarzan learn from each other. Also Tarzan’s “found mother” is epic. Solid score. Solid film all around. To quote Lily Orchard, “This film is what Pocahontas tried to be.” 

B tier (one of my favorites but has a few significant flaws that bring it down (or not quite as memorable to me, but consider good quality))

Peter Pan - Haven’t seen it in a hot sec, but I remember being super charmed by this as a kid. Just going out, having incredible adventures, and returning to a warm home at the end of the day. Tinker Bell is hilarious and beautifully drawn. Gets major negative points for the depiction of Native Americans tho. 

Big Hero 6 - I was super charmed by the protagonist, his family/friends, and the setting. The plot/villain’s motivations are a bit of a mess, though. 

Princess and the Frog - This movie has so much flavor to it! The visuals/music are lovely and unique. Tiana is incredible but it’s kinda annoying how EVERYONE keeps trying to shoehorn her into romance. The thing is, her goals are entirely reasonable. Focus on her restaurant, then look to settle down. But they’re like “nooo you’re ignoring the important things in life” smh. Also, epic villain, woohoo! The movie dragged significantly for me when they were in the bayou. Charlotte is delightful. 

Winnie the Pooh - don’t remember it super well, but I think it was charming and occasionally dark, which is an addictive concoction. 

The Little Mermaid - MAN ppl roast Ariel way more than she deserves. Visually, it was… fine. idk. This movie is good. I don’t have much else to say about it. 

Snow White - the one that started it all. Visually, super impressive. Musically, lovely. I find the romance a bit… off. Well, more than a bit. What is it with Disney and kissing sleeping people? 

Alice in Wonderland - a nerdy acid trip. Right up my alley! I also like films where ppl go on incredible adventures and return to the status quo, but THEY changed bc of it. Epic. SUUUUPER creative visual interpretation of Carroll’s book. Brave - gosh I loooove films where a parent and child learn to understand each other. Never got why ppl hated this movie so much. The Scottish flavor is present and fun. Merida made one mistake and made it up. The arrow scene is iconic. 

Cars - a fun ride! (hahaha puns.) We love seeing Paul Newman as a car. 

B-minus tier? (same as B, but problematic, or weaker story-wise.)

Hunchback - man… settings-wise, this film might be my favorite. I also love Esmeralda and Quasimodo as characters and as a duo (though the sexualized depiction of Romani ppl is not epic.) I also don’t find the discrimination against Esmeralda/Quasimodo jarring bc it matches the time period. Frollo is super interesting as a villain. The gargoyles are… def not necessary. Basically, this film doesn’t know what it’s doing with tone. 

Sleeping Beauty - Aurora was my favorite when I was younger because I thought she was the prettiest, and that still defines how i feel about this, basically. Visually lovely - everything is kind of elongated and gothic. Maleficent is spiteful and epic. I have no issue with the fluffier parts of the movie, like the music or the fairies. RIP for lack of consent being a plot point, though. 

Hercules - Megara is incredible. one of the only Disney “princesses” who acts like an adult and has cynicism as a major part of her personality. I love her and Herc’s progression where she learns to trust him (yes, he is genuinely that sincere, it’s not a front.) Muses are unique, whoever came up with them was high on something and I’m living for it. I just think the plot itself was somewhat unrealistic/ weirdly-paced. There are some memorable songs, some less-than-memorable songs. Art style is cool but I’m personally not a fan. EXTREMELY inaccurate depictions of the original Greek gods. 

C tier (entertaining, but I don't consider it a great movie)

Bolt - I watched this like 11 years ago. It was fun! A cool concept about those put on a pedestal learning their worth even without celebrity boosting them up. Animation was… fine I think. not super memorable to me. 

Frozen 2 - They really took any scrap of character development Elsa had in the first movie, threw it in the garbage and set it on fire. Anna deserved so much better. Songs are bombastic and impressive, have the occasional interesting lyric, but are really weirdly placed and none are quite as iconic as the first movie’s (except Aurora, she does great work here. Also the song Anna sings after she thinks Elsa died.) 

Not a big fan of the vaguely homeopathic theme. Not a big fan of Olaf’s WEIRD character development. Not a big fan of the suuuuuper awkward dialogue and the animations that imply not only that Kristoff is into his reindeer but that Elsa and Anna are into each other (if you’re questioning if they did that, yes, they did, I can find screenshots of some really weird expressions/moments. THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO PANDER TO YOUR WEIRD FANS, DISNEY.) 

The voice actors did great work, the animators did great work (look at the details on their clothes! Look at how Elsa’s posture changes to be more confident! look at how they're animated while they're singing!) Some weird costume/makeup choices that make Elsa look like an aging starlet, but she also has some gorgeous moments so eh. It’s a wash for me. 

They really did not know what to do with Kristoff this movie, huh. The only thing that happened to him was singing a cheesy 90s ballad and marrying Anna, both of which were admittedly epic. Also, the trolls got 0 appearances despite being literally psychic. Probably could have helped with a lot. I'm not a huge fan of lore/worldbuilding, and thee was a lot of it here. Overall neutral on it. 

Also a big theme in this movie I don’t love - **** TANGIBLE CONSEQUENCES TO OUR ACTIONS!!! The danger is Elsa’s death, the elements, colonialism, and Arendelle literally being destroyed. None of those end up playing out, so I was left at the end going “this film had literally no stakes.” 

Monsters U - same as above - entertaining at the time! Not super memorable. The ppl we were supposed to dislike kept switching. Doesn’t really match the canon of Monsters Inc (I thought they were supposed to have known each other since childhood so why did they meet in college?) 

Cars 3 - so apparently, everyone HATED this movie! Fun! I never watched Cars 2 (yes watched Cars 1 if you haven’t been paying attention to this list), but I didn’t think this movie was bad at all. Well-acted, some fun chase scenes, the scene where Lightning fails at driving in the simulation is genuinely hilarious, and some interesting perspectives on teachers getting the spotlight for their skills for once. 

Incredibles 2 - I liked this film at first, but then it was… just okay in retrospect. I love me some good family dynamics. The plot here makes not a lot of sense. THEY BUILT UP THE UNDERMINER FOR NOTHING AND THEN FORGOT ABOUT HIM. I was surprised by the villain swap, but it happened so last minute I never really understood their motivations even after they explained them. Tried to tackle waaaay too many messages. 

D tier (I didn't enjoy these or consider them mediocre)

Finding Dory - Maybe I should have put this higher? Like C tier at least. Ah well. Wasn’t a huge fan of the body/physical comedy (not my thing), but it was entertaining and awww finding family is heartwarming. 

Finding Nemo - I remember nothing about this movie. 

E tier (this film has significant problems)

Beauty and the Beast - *sigh*… I want to love this movie. The score is gorgeous. Visually, they could have made it more distinctly Rococo-era France but didn’t (why?) The voice actors did good work and I think Paige O’Hara is SUPER underrated here. 

The Beast is emotionally manipulative with an awful temper that (for MOST of the movie. He doesn’t change.) That’s the main reason this is in E tier. This movie shaped so many generations of people thinking they can change the behavior of someone who treats them badly through the power of love. But you can’t. She learns to “love” the beast under coercion. It’s not Stockholm syndrome - it’s a trashy romance novel. Big fan of Gaston as a villain. He’s an archetype ppl can recognize and it’s so satisfying to hate him.

F tier (I think this film actively harms the industry and would rather it not have been made. Both the one in E tier could be considered harmful to the industry, but I think they had significant enough artistic accomplishments to scrape above that. I'm also generally a fan of "lack of censorship bc it's better to teach what not to do.")

Pocahontas - this movie took real historical events and romanticized them AND sexualized one of the only Native princesses they’ve had. Boo. Nothing wrong with animation!Pocahontas as a character, it’s just people put her in a story that doesn’t represent history well at all (and these historical events, unlike those in say, 14th-century Germany, had super relevant effects on people alive today.) And they portrayed the Native Americans and colonial settlers as equally in the wrong. (though I like Governor Radcliffe as a potential villain and love the line “see how I glitter.” I can’t NOT laugh when I hear it.) Lovely music, though. Nice animation, but the colors are weirdly… muted? 

Bad Garbage (I don't wish this film had never been made, but I wish I never had to see it.)

Planes - this movie was ridiculous. I remember not much about it except that I kinda hated it and that it was super cheesy with tension one could see right through that immediately resolved itself via one twist or another. 

Haven’t seen tier: Recess, A Bug’s Life, A Goofy Movie, DuckTakes Movie, Lilo and Stitch, Pinocchio (actually i have seen this but I remember nothing about it), The Nightmare before Christmas, Toy Stories 1, 2, and 3, Up, 101 Dalmatians, The Great Mouse Detective, Cars 2, Moana, The Good Dinosaur, Pete’s Dragon, Fantasia, Peter Pan Return to Neverland, Fantasia 2000, The Black Cauldron (read the book, though!), Bambi (or I did and remember nothing about it), The Rescuersm, The Rescuers Down Under, Planes Fire and Rescue, Bambi 2, The Fox & the Found, Oliver and Company, Atlantis, Treasure Planet (I want to, though), Piglet’s Big Movie, The Jungle Book, the Emporer’s New Groove, The Jungle Book 2, Chicken Little, Brother Bear, The Three Caballeros, Pooh’s Heffalump Movie, Dumbo, The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad, Aladdin (seen parts but never the whole thing), Strange Magic, The Sword in the Stone, James and the Giant Peach, Frankenweenie, Lady and the Tramp, Ralph Breaks the Internet, Doug’s 1st Movie, Monsters Inc. (want to, though), Meet the Robinsons, Dinosaur, The Aristocats, Robin Hood, The Tigger Movie, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, that pooh movie at the end without the title on it

-11/21/20

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #353

“well i’m a creep  /  i’m a weirdo  /  what the hell am i doing here?  /  i don’t belong here”

If you won an all-expenses paid trip to anywhere in the world for a one week vacation, where would you choose to go? For just one week, um... maybe South Africa, actually. Two weeks would probably be more ideal, but I've learned via my friend who worked with the KMP for a year that it's very isolating and you're very disconnected from society (also from the Internet, haha), but regardless, I REALLY wanna see the meerkats. Especially with the heat and all, one week might actually be all right. How often do you get notifications on your favorite social media site? That would be Facebook, and it really depends on how much I share that day. Sometimes I barely touch it, and sometimes I share a billion things and get a few notifications of people reacting. What’s something you’re actively trying to forget/care less about, if anything? Hi, have I told you about my breakup? What was the last encounter you had with a bug? Ugh, the fucking house is having an ant problem. Apparently, it's happened before here this time of year, so a couple times a days I find one on my arm or something and crush it. What is something considered “childish” that you still like or enjoy doing? I'm certain some people would consider RP childish, given it's essentially "make believe," and that's one reason I don't tell people about it. Name a song that you have a strong emotional connection to. Why is that song so important to you? The #1 song would be "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin. I've told why before and don't feel like doing it again. Is cannabis legal where you live? Nope, but it should be. How often do you walk your dog, if you have one? I don't have a dog. What is something you'd feel confident enough to give a presentation on? Me? Comfortable giving a presentation? Bitch please. Which CoVid vaccine did you receive, if any? I got Moderna. I wanted Pfizer, but supposedly they're the same thing, just different manufacterors. How do you feel you've made a difference in the world? I don't feel I have. But it's my goal in life to die feeling like I did. Do you eat any candies in a specific order? (ie: M&M's) I fucking read this as "candles" and was really confused. But anyway, yes, but not M&Ms; I only do that with candies that actually have unique tastes depending on color, like Skittles. What is one common childhood illness that you managed not to catch? I never got chickenpox. Is there an heirloom that has been passed down generations of your family? Probably, but I don't know about it. What is the most unique pet that you ever owned, or would like to? Hm. I'd say maybe a Chinese water dragon? People tend to not know what they are; they mistake them for iguanas all the time. Have you ever been in a bad car accident before? A bad one, no, but I've been in one, nevertheless. At the description of what happened though, the cop said we were extremely lucky we weren't flipped over. My mom's driving skill saved us. What is your favorite type of weather to experience? Snow! I like a steady pace of large flakes. Do you know your social security by heart? I don't, actually, but I did at one point. Now, I only know the last four digits. Would you move out your house if you could right now? Yes, even if we just moved here. Mom and I really, really don't like living in the suburbs. We miss being in the middle of nowhere. When is the last time you slept in someone else’s bed? Not since I last visited Sara's. Do you like being called baby? Not really. Like if it's from an s/o, it's all right, it's just really not my favorite. Have you ever slept in the same bed of the opposite sex? Yeah. When shopping at a grocery store, do you return the cart? I openly judge the fuck out of you if you don't. Do you think you would survive in the wilderness if you were abandoned there? I know I couldn't. Not in my shape. If you had a child at the age you’re at now, do you think you’d be a good parent? God, no. Do you eat your Oreos with milk? Yes. I strongly prefer them that way. Do you think French kissing is gross? I mean in concept I think it indisputably is, like even if you brush your tongue, it's still just... gross. But that doesn't mean I'm against it at all or won't do it when I love somebody. It's an "I accept you and your germs" thing, haha. Are you wearing make-up? What brand(s)? No. I pretty much never wear makeup anymore, even to take pictures. The last male you spoke to…is he attractive? That would be my psychiatrist, and I'm not attracted to him, no. He's like another dad to me. Have you ever had mice in your house? Back when we lived in the woods, we would have a minor mouse problem in the winter sometimes. I fucking hated it because my parents used the inhumane traps, save for one. I guess it was an affordability thing, idk. One or two got caught in that one, and I would let them go outside. Do you enjoy working with animals? It depends on what I'm doing. If I'm cleaning up after an animal, NO, because I seriously struggle with stomaching it. I canNOT touch vomit or feces, so that kinda eliminates a lot of options. Because of how physically weak I am along with hyperhidrosis, I also can't really exert myself much, so there ya go, more reasons I can't. I wish I could. Have you ever been in a tornado or hurricane? Plenty of hurricanes. If you're in a competition, are you in it to win it or just for the fun? The fun, experience, and growth. What's your favorite show on Comedy Central? I don't watch it. Which love story would you want your life to turn out like? I don't know, really. Do you usually go to sleep before or after the people you're living with? Before, at least usually. Are you into ripped jeans? Yes, though I don't wear jeans anymore. Have you ever been to any Disney parks? Yeah, Disney World in Florida. Which band has the best name, in your opinion? "Cradle of Filth" sounds pretty damn badass and unholy, I dig it. Do kids often knock on your door on Halloween? This will be our first year in this house during Halloween, so I really don't know if any will? I mean we live in a suitable neighborhood, so idk. Which one of your exes do you feel like you have the most chemistry with? Sara. Do you share the same political views as your parents? Dad, no. Mom, some. Have you ever done any internship? No. What's the last thing you got paid to do? Take pictures for someone. What's something your mother always says? "Drive like everyone else is stupid." It works though, haha. Always expect that someone you see might do something moronic and be prepared. For example, she is very adamant about us looking both ways when a light changes to green versus going immediately, and it's literally saved Mom's and my sister's lives. What's something your dad always says? To reach out to him if we ever need help with anything, and he'll do everything in his power to be there. What's your favorite thing to wear? Loose tank tops with loose-ish pj pants. What's your favorite day of the week? Nowadays, it's Fridays. Snake Discovery and The Dark Den both upload that day, haha. Do you have a favorite coloring book artist? Lisa Frank is the Wholesome Lead Bitch. Have you ever wanted to model? No. Have you ever seen someone have a seizure? Yeah, my sister. What's your favorite car? I am not NEARLY educated enough on cars to answer this. Why did you cry the last time you did? I'm seriously grieving Virginia. Her death has stricken me harder than any other I've experienced, even my own grandmother's. Who was the last person to piss you off? Probably someone on Facebook, but idr. Do you like winter? I love winter. Do you have a favorite flower? Yeah; I really like orchids. Dahlias are also gorgeous, and roses... Would you get a shamrock tattooed to your forehead for $5000? No. As great as that money sounds, tattoos are (relatively) permanent, and that would look pretty stupid imo. Are you very flexible? Not anymore. Who was the last person to tell you you looked nice? Probably Mom. Do you have the right time set on your microwave? Yeah. Do you have any old newspaper articles? Why? No. Do you have a flat screen tv or just a regular box? Flat screen. Do you like Tootsie Rolls? Ugh, no. Do you like Slim Jim’s? Oh fuuuuuuck yeah man. What color is your mousepad? Black. Do you get your eyebrows waxed? I used to, but now I just leave 'em be. Would you date someone that had a different religion from you? It would depend on the religion and the intensity. I could NOT date someone exceptionally religious. A common question: What are you listening to? Caleb Hyles and Halocene's cover of Radiohead's "Creep." Would you ever get a nature tattoo? Well, I want at least a meerkat tattoo, so. I'll probably get a snake somewhere, too. Where do your siblings work, if anywhere? My older sister is a mammographer, and my little sister is a children's social worker. Saving lives, then there's me lmao. Who do you generally talk to the most? Mom and Sara. Have you ever had a crush on someone of the same gender? Yeah, multiple times. Do you enjoy painting? Not really, no. I stress out about messing up. When, where, and why did a needle last pierce your skin? Around a week ago, left shoulder, to get my first Covid vaccine. Is there a person you talk to everyday with? Well, considering I live with my mother... I usually talk to Sara too, but a day sometimes passes where we don't. Does one of your parents ever complain to you about the other parent? Mom does that all the time about Dad. It's no shocker they're divorced. Dad's long since moved on and doesn't talk shit about her. Who was the last person you wished a “Happy Birthday” to? I actually don't remember... Someone on Facebook, I'm sure. Does your best friend have a job? Not right now, she's dealing with some wild health issues where it's much safer that she doesn't. When you move out your house (or if you already have moved out) do you plan on still visiting your parents' house? Well of course. I especially plan on visiting my mother at least once a week, either going to her place for dinner or her coming over to mine for the same. We're way too close for me to not see her. I'll still visit Dad, too. Do you usually take home leftovers if you eat out in a restaurant? It depends on what I had and if I know I'll eat it warmed up. What’s your favorite thing to have for breakfast? Cinnamon rolls. Why did you break your last promise? I barely EVER break promises, but this one I actually forgot I even made. ;_;

[madisonbeersource]

Your reply to my Q, on what made you Mads's fan is an inspiring one. I'm srry you got hurt by your ex and fake friends. But I'm happy it worked out and made you a better person. I'm glad.

Is it rude to ask, why you left your ex? And why did your fake friends protect your ex? They should've lifted you up :/

I'm glad Mads got you thru a tough moment In your life.

I discovered Mads when I first saw the Home with you video.

I happy to be your follower and thankful you are a fellow fan. Like your tastes are my tastes and I relate. I just feel we're never meet but girl, you are a qqween.

I'm sorry, this is a long anon.

Forehead kiss x

aw angel thank you for taking the time to leave me THIS adorable and detailed ask (it's never too long don't worry!) also i'll keep my answer under the keep reading because it's pretty long and people might not want something so long on their posts haha

It's okay love, it's been a while now..even tho it felt like a slow burn movie haha everything crumbled at the same time. idk if it made me a better person but it made me stronger...Idk if i would have been stronger despite this experience but I'll take only the good memories and leave it all behind!

he first asked me out because he made a bet w/ his friends to ask me out, he had this oingoing "joke" w/ his friends to go out and mess around w/ the biggest number of girls and dump them like old socks right after that. When I met him...idk how to explain but we clicked, we were so different yet we didn't need to speak to let the other know what we thought. I was the untamed and he liked it how much as he hated it. And I fell for him cause he had the same humor as me, the same mind (mean strong headed) he was pretty smart like he wanted to do something, he was doing it perfectly idk how he did it but he could have done anything and still succeeding it which fasinated me and we had so much complicity that it scared me, it was the first and only time i felt this way. And we started date, but I was nothing more than a bet, even tho my ex at the time (i think) really fell for me, so he started to hide me while he was saying to his friends he was having the blast of his life w/ me, and told them he dumped me that's why they didn't see me around anymore. But in reality he couldn't let me go, until his "bestfriend" saw me smiling and figured i wasn't this devastated and that i was still w him so he approach me and I had no reason to be scared I even missed him sincce my ex told me that he was in a fight with his friends so i couldn't see them. His friend (let's called him Tony) asked me to come down to the beach because he had a surprise for me. So that's what I did, and i saw him, my ex and 2 other friends, so i was like this is weird and I saw my bestfriend so i was like okay at least i have an ally haha (dumbooo me) and he made him confess i was a bet to everyone who were laughing, my ex wasn't tho and he was force to tell me I was a bet, and i felt like dying, literally.

and my friends? haha they knew, everything, from the start, but wanted to see me giving in to someone since i'm known to b pretty hard to get and heartless like i don't give second thoughts and second chances, and they were always very jealous of my personality and strength and so they wanted to see if i broke bc of love for once, and more than one were actually crushing on my ex cause he was indeed very attractive, but attractiveness doesn't do much imo and they hated me for thinking like that, for being this loyal to myself. But they thought i'd b crawling back to them when I didn't, so I was lonely but i wasn't alone, I had me, I would eat alone at school and still found a way to smile, I was sitting on my own and i was okay w/ it and they hated me for that, so they sided with my ex and still hung out with him while he was trying to catch my attention desperatly but i chose to turn away and I started to get into tumblr and listen to my girl madison haha (i'm not saying i didn't have bad moments but I could handle them) it only showed me to never let ANYONE in that I didn't trust because I never trusted my ex nor my friends and I had every reasons to

I'm so glad you can relate to me that's all i wanted, to make mads relatable and me by his prism so if you love me and mad this is the best ever ): I LOVE YOU !! home with you will forever b one of her best songs!!

YOU ARE A QUEEEEEEEN !! <33333333333333333 i love you so much okay never forget that

ps: a kiss on the forehead is always the best jsyk