#imagine noah having to confess having to say sorry having to say nice things

[tdnoco]

5 Reasons I love Noco

(some of these reasons may overlap with other ships - but that’s okay) 1. Noah and Cody have a fun relationship! Sure they talk to each other like three times, but when they do it’s fun teasing dialogue! “Cody’s got a tiny sausage!” “At least my team HAS a sausage!” It’s a back-and-forth! It’s not one-sided teasing. Cody can handle Noah’s insults and throw one back and that is fun to me! 2. But we don’t only see them bickering - we also get to see them in a more soft way, intimate - the sleeping scene, the kiss scene (kinda). We know that they can be sweet together. And what gets me too is that Noah either starts it, or is fine with it. It’s not forced from Noah, and Cody doesn’t mind! It’s cute! 3. They fit my preferred dynamic - grumpy x happy, cat x dog. And I think it makes sense for both of them. Noah hangs out with positive people, and honest people. And Cody is pretty honest - maybe too honest. On Cody’s side, he likes Gwen and .. TDI Gwen is a lot like Noah - judgemental and closed off. One of the first things Cody compliments Gwen is that she’s smart. So there’s also that.

4. They don’t have much in canon. I know a lot of people would see that as a negative - but look at Fresh’s ship history. Duncney, Gwuncan. Both ruined. They almost got to Lyler, but thank god that didn’t happen. I prefer that there is less given by Fresh because that means the potential is still there, and paradoxically I have more to work with. I can create the relationship the way I want.  5. And I’ve done that. My main idea with Noco is that Noah helps Cody realize he needs to raise his standards, and to stop being okay with how he’s treated 0 to stop being a doormat for the first person who’s kind to him. And Cody helps Noah meet those standards, to realize how his words can have consequences and take accountability, and that it’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to take risks, and be wrong, and say I love you. It’s better to try than to do nothing.  This allows me to fix what I think is their biggest character flaws in a way that I think makes sense for both characters (tho if I were to write out this story, Noah and Cody wouldn’t be the only actors - there are people who help them learn like Sierra and Owen, but you know. Still mostly noco).  I wouldn’t say Noco completes each other, but I think that they have natural chemistry, immense fluff potential, immense creative potential, and just lots of character development payoff, if done right.

[welcome-to-afterlife]

do you still write? if so please write something for ell🥺👉🏻👈🏻 maybe a confession or something just really fluffy, i want flustered ell

Hey, im gonna try something different here- a letter. I’m so sorry because I’m pretty sure this isn’t fluffy, but I can’t pull myself to write normally! I tried my best to keep it happy as possible, but the shutdown just makes everything 10x harder. **Note: ik the manager is from the Otherworld, but I’m writing this for the people that want to hear from Ell one last time (and u all live in the human world lol).

———————————

Many Years Later: A Letter From Ell

Dear Manager,

Ahhh, I’m not sure what to say. There’s so much that I want to tell you, but I don’t think there’s enough space on this paper. Well, I’ll start with what I can-- we miss you. I’m not sure how long it's been in the human world, but several years have passed here in the 14th Department. Many of us have grown closer to achieving our goals, but no one has made it to the other side yet. To be honest, none of us are sure what to expect. Nyang Lead Manager won’t tell us whether we’ll be reincarnated or send back to our original life, but Housemaster Sei gave me a few hints (so I think we’ll be sent to our original lives)! 

Sometimes, I think about what I’m going to do after I fill up my kaleidoscope. It’s a little silly, but I think about the next we meet. Although Quincy says I’ll always be small and childish, I imagine myself as a strong and handsome angel that will sweep you off your feet. You’ll be so impressed and maybe your heart will flutter just as fast as mine did when you used to walk into my room. But that is your type, right Manager? I’m not too sure since I never got to ask you about it-- it’s one of the things I regret. Although everyone yells at me for hogging you during your time at the 14th Department, I always felt like it wasn’t enough. There were so many questions I didn’t ask, stories I didn’t hear, and words that I never said. But my biggest regret is that I never told you how I truly felt about you. 

Oh no, this is getting too sad isn’t it? I think so since I’m sneezing a lot (sorry if my writing looks messy, my eyes are watering from all the sneezing and it’s getting harder to see). Anyway, let’s go back to all the positive things because there a lot of them. First, I’m no longer that small boy that you remember. My hair is a little longer and I think I’ve actually grown an inch. I was super surprised because I didn’t think I would grow after I’m dead, but I guess I was wrong the whole time! Noah also says that I’ve matured and have grown more confident as the Class Leader. I don’t think that’s true, but I really appreciate his kind words! Also, the 14th Department has been doing a great job at purifying souls thanks to everything you’ve taught us! We aren’t the worst department anymore (that’s the 10th Department now) and people respect us a little more. 

As for the others, not a lot has changed. Nyang Lead Manager is still demanding, but we’ve learned a secret: give him a platter of assorted ancient fish and he’ll stop yelling at you! While it doesn’t always work, Mori claims it has a 98% success rate-- so I always buy his fish. Ghilley laughs at me because he thinks Mori is tricking me, but Licht has been helping me make these fish platters to keep the Nyang Lead Manager happy. Sometimes Jamie decorates our plates with cute little tangerine and strawberry slices. While the combination is a little weird, it looks like something from a fancy restaurant!

I think Housemaster Sei is a little stressed since he acts sort of like a manager now. He seems to pick on Louis and Cyrille for having the lowest purification rates, but it always ends with Ethan and Sian making fun of them (and then insulting each other). Then June jumps in the prove his manliness, which inspires Ataichi to challenge Kirr to a battle to see the better warrior. Kati ends up biting random people while Verine crawls under his table for protection. It doesn’t stop until Housemaster Sei threatens everyone with eternal punishment, but I enjoy the lively energy.

But things aren’t always smooth. Whenever we have problems, I always ask Youssef. He always tells me that I’m doing great on my own, but I think he’s just saying that because he’s nice. He’s so smart and I really appreciate his advice. But do you want to know the truth, Manager? I don’t admire him the way that I used to before. I think it’s because I miss you more and it's all I can think about when I go to him for help. I wish I could ask you instead, but I can’t. I miss all the times where you had the answers for me with a big smile on your face because it made me super happy too. It gave me hope that I could be the Class Leader that you always wanted me to be.

Sorry Manager, but I think I’m going to have to end it here. I’m running out of space on this paper and Nyang Lead Manager is only letting me use one paper. But I’d like to say one last thing: wherever you are, just know that I’ll be watching from afar. As your guardian angel, I promise I won’t let harm get in your way. So live the rest of year days with the brightest smile on your face because that will make me happy too. Lastly please wait for me, so that one day I tell you in person just how much I love you.

With lots of love,

Ell

[clumsyclifford]

i know that you’re so afraid

and it’s getting late, 'but i'll stay 'til you come down.

Luke lets himself in and is met with wreckage and a scream that is so guttural, so primal, that for a moment he feels truly afraid. (Or, Ashton's never been like this, and he's falling apart.)

TW mostly for lots of angst and crying and such. however also contains ashton yelling for a moment so if men yelling is something that triggers/upsets you then maybe skip this one. title from come down by noah kahan.

part 1 (tumblr) // part 2 (tumblr)

read it on ao3 here

~

Luke lets himself in and is met with wreckage and a scream that is so guttural, so primal, that for a moment he feels truly afraid.

Then there are sobbing sounds, the gut-wrenching kind that only ever happens when you’re home by yourself and everything has gone wrong, and Luke thinks maybe he understands a little better.

Gingerly, he steps over the throw pillows discarded in front of the door, picking them up as he goes. The living room is in a state of total disarray. Every blanket, pillow, and cushion they’ve ever had on any couch has been yanked off and unceremoniously tossed into a different corner; there are shreds of paper like oversized snowflakes littering the ground. In the middle of it all, on his knees, chest heaving and body shaking with his face in his hands, is Ashton.

“Ashton?” Luke says softly, and Ashton doesn’t look up. He makes a noise, though, a groan that sounds helpless and despairing.

“Fuck,” Ashton says, in a trembling voice. He rubs his hands furiously over his face and pulls one through his hair, which is unruly, like he’s been moving around a lot and hasn’t checked his reflection yet. “Fuck, you — you weren’t —”

“We finished early,” Luke says calmly. “What happened here?”

Ashton shakes his head. “Leave and come back, I’ll — I’ll clean up.”

“Don’t worry about cleaning up,” Luke says.

Ashton grunts viciously and pushes himself to his feet. “Go, please go,” he begs, “I’ll — please.”

He sounds scared, and that makes Luke scared. There are tear tracks all down Ashton’s face, glistening over angry red scratch marks, like he’d tried to claw the tears off. “Take a deep breath.”

“Don’t fucking tell me to take a deep breath!” Ashton shouts, and then his face falls into his hands again. “Luke, please, I’m not like this, I don’t want you to see me like this. Please leave. Please.”

“I live here too,” Luke says. “And I’m not leaving you like this.”

Ashton presses the heels of his palms into his eye sockets. “I don’t want this. Please go away.”

Luke moves gently towards Ashton. “You won’t hurt me.”

“Of course I won’t,” Ashton says helplessly, “but look at the fucking state I’m in —”

“Don’t stop on my account,” Luke says. “Keep throwing shit. Scream all you want.”

Ashton shakes his head, and a sob escapes through his lips unbidden. “Luke, I just need to be alone.”

“I don’t think you should,” Luke says carefully, stepping closer and closer. Ashton doesn’t move until Luke is within arm’s reach, until Luke reaches out hesitantly to touch his shoulder, and then he collapses into Luke, crying harder than Luke’s ever heard anyone cry. The sound tears at Luke’s chest, tugs mercilessly at his heartstrings.

“I’m sorry,” Ashton cries into his shoulder, “I’m so sorry, this is the worst of me.”

There’s nothing to say, really. This is the worst of Ashton, and Luke doesn’t love him any less for it. “It’s okay,” he whispers, holding Ashton tightly, like that will keep him from falling apart any more. “It’s okay. I know. I’m here, I’ve got you.”

Ashton won’t stop apologizing, and he also doesn’t stop crying for a good five minutes. Luke scans the living room over Ashton’s shoulder as he gently cards through Ashton’s hair. It looks like a tornado has ripped through the place. Something really, truly upsetting must have happened. More than one thing, maybe. In all the years they’ve known each other, Luke has never known Ashton like this.

“What happened?” Luke says quietly, when the broken sobs have turned into irregular whimpers and Luke feels exceedingly warm from Ashton’s body heat, numb from Ashton’s weight clinging to him. “Is there anything I can do?”

Ashton sniffs. “Mum called,” he says weakly. “Lauren’s in the hospital. Tripped and cut her leg and she had to get stitches.”

“Oh, Ash,” Luke breathes. It hurts Luke to know that Lauren is hurt; he can’t imagine how bad it must feel for Ashton.

“I can’t be there for her,” Ashton says, sounding angry and hopeless and defeated all at once. “I can’t go. I’m stuck here. Even if I left the minute I got the call, by the time I got there she’d be out.” Luke presses a kiss to the junction between Ashton’s shoulder and neck, and the tension seems to drain a bit from Ashton’s body. “I miss her, and I miss Harry and my mum and — and I miss Sydney so much, don’t you miss home, Luke?”

Luke nods. Generally he tries not to think about how much he misses home, tries not to think about how even after all this time, home is still Sydney, not LA. It hurts, all the more because there’s not a lot Luke can do to remedy it. He can visit, sure, but if he wants to sustain this career he has — if he wants to live his dream — the chances of him ever moving back home are slim to none.

“You can still go,” he tells Ashton, rubbing rhythmic circles into his back, over the rough cotton of his shirt. “And she’ll be okay, you know. It’s going to be okay.” Ashton shakes his head and pulls away from Luke, unreadable from all the emotions flitting across his face.

“I know she’ll be fucking okay, Luke, but I can’t be there when she’s not!” he snaps. Luke tries not to flinch. He’s not scared of Ashton, but he can see how someone could be, in a moment like this. Ashton notices anyway, because Ashton always notices, and he squeezes his eyes shut, fresh tears trekking down his face. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m — I told you I didn’t want you —”

“Ashton, Ashton, no,” Luke says, bringing a hand up to Ashton’s face and tilting their foreheads together. Ashton’s erratic breath leaves staggered puffs of air against Luke’s face, and Luke thinks he might cry, too, except he can’t, because Ashton is crying. They can’t both fall apart; there’d be no one to pick up the pieces. “No. I’m not scared of you. You’re upset. You’re allowed to be upset. Your sister’s in the hospital.”

“I can’t be like this with you,” Ashton whimpers. “You’re all I have, and I’ll scare you off —”

“I’m not all you have, and you could never scare me off,” Luke interrupts. The tears on Ashton’s face are tracing the outline of Luke’s thumb as they make their way down his cheek; Luke cradles Ashton’s face as delicately as he can and wipes the tears away. “We can both go. Even if you get there after she’s out, she’ll be happy to see you.”

“I’m useless,” Ashton says hoarsely, “can’t do anything, can’t even be there to hold her fucking hand while they stitch her up —”

“They wouldn’t let you be there for that anyway,” Luke says. “Ashton. Ash. I’m — I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry.”

Ashton breaks down again, falling limp against Luke, and Luke lets him cry it out. He doesn’t say anything. There’s nothing that bears saying. This news is poison, and Ashton needs to flush it out.

“Aren’t you scared?” he murmurs brokenly into Luke’s neck. Luke exhales.

“Of you? Never.”

“I am,” Ashton whispers. “I don’t want this to be me, but I think it is.”

“This isn’t you,” Luke says firmly. “If it were, I’d have seen it a lot sooner. You’d have done it a lot sooner.”

“I tore up my songwriting notebook,” Ashton confesses, sounding terrified to say it out loud. “After I hung up with my mum, I tried to write — I thought maybe — if I could put it in words, but — I can’t. I couldn’t. I was so angry I just — I just ripped it in half. Tore up all the pages.”

That’ll be the scraps of paper all over the floor, then. “It sounds like you needed to rip something up.”

“What kind of person am I that I need to break something when I’m upset?” Ashton says, horrified.

“Don’t do this,” Luke says, tracing arbitrary lines and shapes into Ashton’s back as if he’ll unlock the pattern to make Ashton feel better. “You weren’t just upset. You’ve had a bad day. Bad week. And you haven’t done anything about it. It built up. That’s normal.”

“But what if you’d been here?”

Luke doesn’t know. What if he had been here? Would Ashton have kept it to himself, retreated to his room to cry in solitude? Or would he have screamed anyway, filled the house with heart-wrenching cries, demolished the living room as Luke stood by and watched?

Luke wonders which would be worse.

“Don’t do that either,” Luke says. “I wasn’t here. I am now. You went a little crazy. You’re allowed.”

Ashton huffs, and Luke thinks maybe, just maybe, there’s a laugh hidden somewhere in there. “That’s a nice way of putting it.”

Luke leans away and presses a kiss to Ashton’s forehead. “Can you breathe?” Ashton nods. “Want me to look up flights to Sydney?” Ashton nods again, leaning his head heavily against Luke’s, rough hands wrapping around Luke’s neck like a lifeline, like a noose, like both. Luke thinks he would die for Ashton, if it came down to it; not figuratively, but actually trade Ashton’s life for Luke’s own, and of all the scary things of today, that one is the biggest. He takes a deep breath. “Okay. I can do that. We’ll clean this up later. How about we order pizza for dinner, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Ashton mumbles. “I’m so fucking sorry, Luke.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Luke says. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I know this isn’t you, and I know you feel badly, but you don’t have to be sorry, not to me.”

“But I am anyway.”

“I forgive you,” Luke says, even though there’s nothing to forgive. Ashton closes his eyes and breathes out like someone’s just released pressure on his chest. “Please don’t be sorry anymore. You haven’t done anything that bears forgiving. I forgive you for nothing.”

“Thank you anyway,” Ashton says, deathly quiet. “I’m so — I don’t know what I would do without you, Luke. I really don’t.”

“Lucky for you, you never have to find out,” Luke says, pulling Ashton into a hug. “I’ll find a flight and we’ll bring a bunch of ridiculous presents to Lauren, and we can stay for a little bit. You’ll see them soon. It’ll be good for you.”

“As long as you’re there,” Ashton says softly. “You keep me together.”

You keep me together too, Luke doesn’t say, even if they both know it’s true. That’s the deal, I think.

He closes his eyes and listens to Ashton’s breathing, finally steady, counting the seconds between each inhale. It’s more soothing than the ticking of a clock, and it washes over Luke. This should scare Luke, but it doesn’t: if he could, he’d measure his own breaths against Ashton’s, so when they stopped, so would his.

[ila9182]

45 + Shandy (Dialogue Prompts) please and thank you

Thank you so much @that-geek-in-the-tardis for the ask! Here’s what I come up with, I hope you will like it.

This prompt is a follow-up to episode 3x13 “Acting Out”.

As always, mistakes are all mine.

——————-

45. “How much of that did you hear?”

Andy was pretty sure it wasn’t what Sharon had in mind when she had said they would explain their friendship in a way that would make it easy for Nicole to understand. Nicole had been irritated with her father at first, but her irritation had quickly turned into teasing as she and Rusty had teamed up to point out to Sharon and Andy that they had been dating for a while now.

It had been weird at first. They had all walked to Sharon’s car after Nicole had pointed out it might be complicated to find a parking lot near the theater. The ride had been mostly silent, except for Nicole and Rusty making small talk. Sharon had been focused on the road and she had avoided even glancing at Andy who was simply staring out of his car window.

Then, somehow, something changed during The Nutcracker. Sharon’s eyes lit up just like every time she went to the ballet. An enthusiastic smile crossed her features as she watched Andy’s grandchildren dance. Andy’s attention shifted from Sharon’s face to Aiden and Noah dancing on stage. He had a proud smile on his lips and his eyes were glistening with joy. Still three years ago, he would have never thought that he would get to see this, that he would get to spend time with his daughter again.

Andy slightly jumped when he felt fingers brush his right hand. He turned to look at Sharon and she smiled softly at him as she covered his hand with hers and squeezed it. “They’re amazing.” Sharon muttered with a bright smile before turning her attention back to the ballet. She didn’t let go of his hand until the ballet was over.

This detail stayed in the back of Andy’s mind for the whole time. Now as they were all gathering around Aiden and Noah to congratulate them, he couldn’t stop glancing at Sharon. She was enthusiastically talking with the boys and the sweet scene warmed his heart. Nicole pulling Andy by the arm interrupted him in his contemplation. She dragged her father away from the happy group and once they were out of sight, she let go of his arm and asked him, “Dad, what do you think you’re doing?”

Andy frowned and stared at his daughter in confusion. “Nicole, I…” He mumbled.

“I mean with Sharon.” Nicole clarified, sensing her father’s confusion.

“Nic, we explained it to you.” Andy answered with an arched eyebrow. He couldn’t understand why his daughter was asking him this all over again. “Despite what you and Rusty think we are friends. Very good friends.” Andy echoed Sharon’s previous words.

“Oh I know what you two said!” Nicole cut her father short, frustration in her tone. “But now tell me, when were you lying?” She asked, crossing her arms over her chest. “Did you lie to me when you told me you two were a couple or did you lie to her tonight when you went on with this we’re just friends masquerade? Because, God help me, Dad, I am not a cop but these are two very different versions.”

“I may have lied to you when I said we were a couple, but I didn’t lie to you about my feelings for Sharon.” Andy truthfully replied. “She… she just doesn’t know it yet.” He added, rubbing uncomfortably the back of his neck.

“Dad!” Nicole sighed, rolling her eyes. “You know this is not how it works.” She let out in an exasperated tone.

Andy raised his hands in defense and looked down, “I know, I know… it’s just that… I care about Sharon a lot, I want to do things right…” He admitted in a whisper.

“By lying to her?” Nicole shot back annoyed.

“I am not lying to her!” Andy exclaimed in a high-pitched tone. He cleared his throat and went on, his voice lower this time, “I don’t want to pressure her, I want to give her time…”

“God, Dad, you’re not being fully honest with her.” Nicole let out her frustration. She shook her head and took a deep breath. She then met her father’s gaze again and said in a calmer tone, “Look, Dad, I like Sharon a lot… and I’m just pointing out that by acting this way, one of you two is going to get hurt in the end… or even the two of you.” Nicole sighed sadly. “I saw you two holding hands during the ballet. Dad, you need to be honest with her and with yourself.”

Andy ran a hand through his hair and shifted weight from a foot to another. Of course his daughter had noticed that small gesture. He stared at Nicole before replying, his voice softer than usual, “I’m in love with her. How could you not be?” He asked his daughter with a shy smile, “You’ve seen it yourself, Sharon is amazing.” Nicole nodded with a small smile as her father went on, “She is the best thing that happened to me in a long time, Nic. If I’m a better person, it is also thanks to her and to her friendship… because yes, she is my friend, my best friend… and I don’t know how she feels about me, she may never feel the way I feel about her, but I don’t want to lose her. I don’t want to lose her with a big confession, I don’t want to scare her away. So if she just wants me to be in her life as a friend, that’s what I’m going to be. Nothing more. I’m going to swallow my feelings and I’ll wait for her in case one day she changes her mind about me…”

Nicole’s eyes glistened after hearing her father’s unexpected confession. She could tell he was in too deep, but she couldn’t imagine he was willing to sacrifice his feelings just to be a part of Sharon’s life, even if it only meant as a friend. Nicole was starting to see her father in a new light and she truly liked the man she was seeing. “Dad, I…” Nicole started, but her voice trailed off when a detail caught her eyes.

Andy immediately noticed a shift in Nicole’s facial expressions. She was looking straight behind him and when Andy turned around, he realized Sharon was standing right there. He could have sworn he had spotted moisture in her eyes, but it only lasted a few seconds because Sharon blinked, cleared her throat and said, “I was looking for you, Andy.” Her voice sounded firm, but Andy knew better and he noticed it wasn’t as usual, her voice was slightly trembling. “I was about to leave. Your car is at the condo and I was wondering if you still needed a ride…” Sharon asked him.

“Uhm, yeah…” Andy fumbled, unable to say more.

Sharon was about to walk past him when Andy gently stopped her with a hand on her arm, “How much of that did you hear?” Andy softly whispered to her.

Sharon met his gaze and shook her head, “I don’t want to keep Rusty waiting. He’s already outside at the car.” She then joined Nicole and her face softened when she told the younger woman, “Nicole, thank you for the invitation. I loved the ballet, Aiden and Noah were incredible.” She kissed Nicole’s cheek and added, “It was nice seeing you. Goodnight.”

Sharon then walked away, leaving Andy and Nicole alone again. Father and daughter exchanged one last look before Andy kissed his daughter goodbye and followed Sharon to her car.

————————–

They had driven in an uncomfortable silence. Sharon was focused on the road, Rusty was pretending not to be here and Andy was looking outside his car window, nervously fidgeting with his hands. This wasn’t how he wanted Sharon to find out and he couldn’t help but worry that he had screwed up everything. Again.

Sharon stopped the car in her parking lot and they all got out. Rusty grabbed his phone and muttered something about needing to make a call as he excused himself, said goodbye to Andy and walked away. Sharon took her small purse and closed the car door. As she turned around, she found Andy standing on the other side of her car, staring at her.

“Goodnight Andy.” Sharon simply said before looking down and walking to the entrance of her building.

Andy stood a little dumbfounded, still near her car, watching as she walked away. He shook his head and regained his composure. “Sharon?” He called to her. Sharon stopped in her tracks and slowly turned around to look at him. Unwillingly, Andy noticed. “I’m sorry…” He went on, “I’m sorry about what happened after dinner… and about what you’ve heard at the theater.”

Sharon took a few steps forward carefully, nearing Andy. She studied him with an unreadable look as she spoke, “All this…” She waved a hand in the air, “Was it something you said to save your relationship with your daughter?”

Andy couldn’t believe Sharon could doubt the genuineness of his feelings, but thinking back he remembered she had been hurt way too many times. He couldn’t blame her for her precaution, even if her words cut him deep. “You really think I am that kind of man?” Andy replied in a defeated tone. He thought she knew better. He thought she trusted him. He thought.

Sharon shrugged and looked down. She was aware she had hurt him and she hated the fact that it looked like she didn’t trust him, but she had been hurt before. Been there, done that. She had promised herself she wouldn’t give her heart away easily. Not anymore. She had buried her feelings deep down and she wasn’t even sure she was ready to feel again, to fall for someone again, to love again. “I know how important Nicole is to you.” Sharon merely stated.

Andy scoffed and shook his head, “Well, I’m starting to question the fact that you’ve overheard the conversation I had with Nicole or you would have understood that you are important too.” He locked eyes with her and took a few hesitant steps toward her. “I meant every word I said, Sharon… and believe me, this is not how I wanted you to find out, but I’m in love with you, Sharon.” He whispered to her, “I can’t help it.” He added with a shrug.

Sharon looked down and shook her head vehemently, as if she wanted to deny what Andy had just confessed to her. She took a step back, and Andy’s heart ached as he sensed that she was about to run away. Away from him. She didn’t though. When Sharon looked up again, her eyes were glistening with tears. “Andy…” She whispered in a trembling voice.

“I know, I ruined everything.” Andy cut her short. “The last thing you need is another addict in your life.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair as he briefly stared at his feet. “Believe me, this is the last thing I wanted and…”

“Andy, stop.” Sharon interrupted him, closing the gap between them and standing in front of him. She studied his face carefully before she softly asked, “Were you really willing to swallow your feelings and just keep being my friend as if…”

“Yes.” Andy answered truthfully. “Your friendship means the world to me. I don’t want to lose my best friend just because I was stupid enough to surrender to my feelings.” He added, his voice above a whisper. He looked away from her, not being able to sustain her intense gaze anymore.

“You aren’t stupid, Andy.” Sharon told him softly. “Having feelings, falling in love is a beautiful thing.” She smiled to him, even if he wasn’t looking at her.

“Not when it makes you lose your best friend.” Andy mumbled in a sad tone as he stared absentmindedly into the distance.

Andy’s sorrow was obvious and Sharon’s heart twitched at the thought that she was responsible for his pain. She couldn’t let him think that she was pushing him away. She wasn’t; it was just complicated. Her hand reached for his upper arm, her touch firm but gentle. Sharon wanted to have his attention and she was successful. Andy slowly looked back at her. “Andy, listen…” Sharon started. Her hand slowly moved from his arm to his face. She gently caressed his cheek before going on, “I am not saying I’m not feeling something for you as well… but I need time, Andy…”

“I know…” Andy replied quietly, “…and I’m willing to wait for you, Sharon.” He told her, locking eyes with hers as he covered her hand on his cheek with his.

“I can’t ask you that.” Sharon sighed, slightly shaking her head.

“You aren’t.” Andy told her, squeezing her hand. “This is my choice. You are worth the wait, Sharon.” He softly confessed to her.

Sharon’s eyes shined with unshed tears as she kept staring at Andy. She didn’t trust her voice, as the lump in her throat tightened with each passing second. Sharon moved her hand away from his face and slid it behind his neck, urging him to lean down. She stood on tiptoes and leaned up to peck Andy’s lips. It wasn’t a full kiss, just a chaste and quick peck, but Andy wouldn’t forget the feeling of Sharon’s lips brushing his anytime soon.  

“Goodnight Andy.” Sharon whispered to him with a shy smile. She moved her hand away from his neck and turned to leave when Andy grabbed her hand, holding her back.

“I’ll wait, Sharon. This is a promise.” Andy told her genuinely, his eyes serious.

“I know, Andy…” Sharon nodded, looking down. “I’ve never doubted your words…”

“Meanwhile…” Andy started hesitantly, as he waited for Sharon to meet his gaze again. “Will my friend Sharon still be there for me?” He asked her with a hopeful smile, his eyes locked with hers.

“She will…” Sharon reassured him with a soft smile and her answer took a weight off Andy’s mind. Sharon paused as she considered her next words. “And for the rest, I’ll get there, Andy.” She told him quietly. “I need time, but I’ll get there. This is a promise, Andy.” She assured him, a brief smile crossing her features.

Andy nodded and squeezed her hand one last time before letting her go. Sharon offered him a small smile and said, “Goodnight Andy. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight Sharon.” Andy replied. He thought watching her walk away would be painful, but a smile appeared on his lips when he thought back on the promises they had just made to each other. He would wait for her; she would process her feelings. He would keep being her friend, she would go back to him when she would be ready for more. Tomorrow would be a brand new day and for the first time that night, Andy believed that things would work out for both of them.

[spiderrpcrkerwrites]

La Vie En Rose

a/n: Fell into the trap and finally wrote a bucky fic. I’m still on hiatus, just wrote this one night and thought I’d upload it. This is based on the film ‘Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na’ and this is some self-indulgent floofy shit. Thanks to @thebookwormslytherin and @bucket-barn for beta reading it

This version of the song was my inspo for this (The other songs used are Almost (sweet) music by Hozier and That’s Amore by Dean Lewis

"Pullll me close and hold me fast, this magic spell you caaaaast…" the entire backseat droned on as Sam thought to join in before he saw Anne's face and decided not to.

"Sorry, this song just has a special meaning for our group." He said sheepishly, as Nat, Peggy, and Steve finished with a flourish. 

"Yes, that's why we're being treated to it since 5th Avenue."

"Told you guys, she's very funny." Sam turned around to face his friends before his eyes went to the road again. 

They had been traveling for a good 30 minutes, off to pick up some friends of, well, her semi-boyfriend's. When she'd initially met the other three, all of whom were his uni mates, Anne had liked them well enough. Now that all three were determined to raise Edith Pilaf from her grave, she felt ready to jump out of the window.

~

She strode away from Sam, trailing after Steve and Peggy who were walking hand in hand. Sam stopped to lock the car as Nat watched on.

"What?"

"When is your flight taking off?"

"Huh?"

"Sam, baby, when are you telling her?" 

"Telling who what?"

"You know, 'I wouldn't know where to start...'" Natasha sung in her worst baritone as he rolled his eyes.

"Look, we're taking it slow."

"Yes, very slow. Bring a pilot on her day off to an airport. You're such a dumbass." She smacked him on the shoulder.

They caught up to the other three, who sat outside the entrance. Anne was tapping at her phone angrily.

"Why are we outside?" He asked Steve.

"There's a bomb threat, apparently. And also their flight is late."

"Fuck me." Anne now looked up. "We'll have to stay out here?"

"Don't you like airports?" Peggy asked her, a single eyebrow raised. 

"Nope. Hate em."

"I love airports." Natasha sat down next to Anne. "Every goodbye here is full of stories."

"How nice. I hate stories. Especially those that end at airports." She frowned.

"Well, I've got a great story for you. And we don't have much to do anyway. There's some very bad weather on their side."

"Ugh, my battery is about to die. Go on then, this tale of yours. If it's boring I'll tell you though."

"I swear you won't. Okay then, how shall I start?"

"Tell her about the trip!" Steve sat up straight.

"Oh, let me start properly." Nat stretched her arms. "Sam, go get some snacks. This is a long story. Now, our story starts with Bucky and Y/N..."

~

"Any plans for what you're going to do after?" Nat asked Y/N as the latter stretched towards a taco. Frowning at Nat, she picked it up and sighed. 

"Nope. Probably going to waste my time going around on stupid outings like this." She gasped as Bucky took the taco out of her hand, biting into it, eyebrows raise. She smacked him on the shoulder and reached for another. 

"You two could always get married." Sam quipped, eyeing Steve as he said so, who turned away, suddenly fascinated with a wall clock.

"For the last time, no. Bucky snores in his sleep. Also, I'm sure his girlfriend would mind very much."

"Wait. Girlfriend?" Peggy sat up. "Seriously?"

"We've been on just two dates, guys. It's nothing serious."

"Pretty sure she'll have a problem with your other girlfriend, Buck." At this Y/N rolled her eyes. 

"Well, when are we meeting her?" At Nat saying this, the others joined in, teasing and threatening Bucky.

"I've asked her to come along on the skiing trip, you could meet her then." He got up. "I'm off. Doll, you coming?"

"Eww, they're dating?" 

"No, no. That's what everyone thought. They had been friends since childhood when Y/N had beat his ass with a barbie. Now, don't interrupt me."

~

The trip was supposed to be their last hurrah before they all took the world by storm. Or were supposed to, at least. Y/N didn't think it was a great time to introduce Bucky's girlfriend, Alyssa, who had met her and had asked her twice if she really was just his friend. 'Why else was she calling him at 3 A.M.?' Was her justification for the Spanish Inquisition.

Y/N sighed for the 50th time since coming back from the first day of skiing.

"You do that a lot these days?" Peggy sat down beside her, blowing a kiss at Steve, who sat a few feet away.

"Eugh. It's seeing all you lovey dovey people that's giving me a headache." Y/N had accidentally walked in on them making out after a party at Sam's apartment, who had grasped her by the shoulders and gently guided her out. He had explained the two had apparently fallen for each other over the course of describing their ideal partners to each other.

"Well, Sam's always available. Nat, I suspect, is off talking to Sharon so she might not be."

"Please, no. Now, tell Steve to get you hot cocoa I can steal off of you later."

"I'm sensing some unrequited love here." Anne was the one sighing now. It was interesting, yes, but she was not about to eat her words. Steve and Peggy returned from their jaunt to see when the flight would be landing, so far it didn't show any signs.

"Mmm, maybe. We were all sure they were the only ones who didn't realize how much they acted like a couple. Bucky and Alyssa kept dating, though. You had to practically keep them off each other like magnets."

"And Y/N? Didn't she say anything to Bucky?"

"I think she was happy at him being happy too. She cared about that more than anything else."

~

The bonfire spat and threw sparks into the air as the group sat in front, freezing cold. Alyssa was not present there, quoting a family urgency. Some sick part of Y/N felt great about it.  She kept quiet as she snuggled up next to Bucky, who put an arm around her. She looked up as Steve hummed quietly.

"Please, no singing." Sam woke up from his apparent sleep. Steve started singing loudly, leading everyone to start groaning.

"When the moon hits your eye…"

"No, God no!" Sam sat up straight as Nat hooted with laughter at him sticking his glove laced fingers in his ears.

"Okay, then, Sammy, what song would you sing if you fell in love?"

"Hmm. What about…" He played the opening lines of Almost Sweet Music on the guitar that had mostly been left alone the whole night. Y/N smiled and started clapping as Sam started to sing and later everyone joined in.

"What would you sing, James?" Peggy turned to Bucky now.

"Hmm. That's a secret."

"Come on." Y/N punched his arm. "Give us a demo."

"Noooo."

"Come onnnn!"

"Ugh fine. Probably La Vie En Rose." 

"Did you sing that to Alyssa yet?" Natasha turned to him as Sam gave Y/N a single raised eyebrow.

"We're not in love. But if it happens…"

"You should practice for that!" Y/N cheered as Sam handed her the guitar. "Come on, I'll play."

Bucky smiled, closed his eyes and began to sing. His phone glowed once or twice, but someone put it on silent. Meanwhile, a mile or so away, Alyssa slammed her phone down. 

"Uh oh. Trouble in paradise?"

"Like you couldn't imagine." Peggy smiled. "Those two really were idiots. And they would get more and more ridiculous as time went on."

~

After the trip, it seemed like Bucky and Alyssa couldn't even stand to talk to each other. She unceremoniously dumped him and came over once to give him his stuff. Noticing Y/N coming out of the washroom, she glared at her and left.

Were they really just friends if so many people seemed to suggest the opposite? Bucky wondered as Y/N put on a movie and crashed on the couch, snuggling up to him as usual. He didn't put his arm around her, opting to put it on the back of the sofa. She frowned and put it on her shoulders, seemingly paying no heed.

And then she went and decided to date Brock Rumlow.

"What the fuck?" Anne was visibly shocked. Sam handed her a Dorito as she gasped at Natasha, who simply shrugged. 

"That was our exact reaction, too."

"Seriously? Rumlow? Doll, you have several options!"

"Bucky, you know him! He's Uncle Noah's son; he's nice. And it's just a movie."

"Correction: he used to be nice. Then he keyed a car and stole things and bullied the hell out of everyone."

"I didn't say anything about Alyssa, okay? Lemme live, jesus."

"Are they pining yet? Is the pining happening yet?"

"Patience, Annie dearest. It's barely begun. But yes, to answer your question, the pining had begun."

"I just don't know what she sees in him. I could find her a better guy." Bucky complained to Nat one night as they sat in her room, him angry over Y/N canceling plans over Brock thinking she and Bucky were too close.

"Then do it. Is there anyone out there who could meet your standards for the best guy for her?"

"I-I know Rumlow, okay? He's the worst." Maybe it wasn't about him. Maybe it was the fact that he had begun to see how well he and Y/N went together or how much he loathed to see her with anyone else.

"Aha! It's finally mutual! So,happy ending? They confess and Y/N and Brock broke up?"

"Hmm. Yes and no."

She did break up with Rumlow, when he started pointing too much at her and Bucky's friendship. Feelings annoyed her to hell.

She announced to everyone that she was off doing a three-year course in Los Angeles. Everyone felt she needed the break, but they also felt concerned at seeing Bucky and Y/N, who couldn't even go to the corner store without telling each other, would go without seeing each other for three whole years.

"Oh God, is this where the airport part comes in?"

"Bingo, baby!"

After they'd seen her off, Nat was driving them home. She saw Bucky in the passenger seat, incessantly texting someone. She hummed as he looked up.

"What."

"You should've told her. Its practically reeking off you two."

"The only thing worse than long distance friendship is a relationship, Nat."

"And the one thing worse than that is having mutual feelings but never conforming them. I'm pulling over,you call her right now."

"And then?"

"Then what, he called, we cheered. As soon as she picked up, he sang that stupid song of his, through a storm of tears. Judging by him jumping up and down, she probably accepted."

"And then?" Anne sat on the edge of her seat.

"Well, we drove straight to the airport to have a ticket done for him for three weeks later. They didn't get that epic cinematic kiss at the airport, because well, security, but they did send a disgusting one in a picture later."

"Hey! The flight's landed!" Sam announced as he jogged over to where they were sitting. The others cheered and stood up to go greet their friends as Anne remained sitting.

"What? You don't want to see the stars of the story?" He sat down beside her. She hung her head down and smiled at the ground, and started singing in the lowest of voices, "Came in from the outside..." as she looked up at him. Sam grinned and swept her into his arms.

~

"Oh ew, are they kissing?"

"Thank God, I couldn't stop through another Y/N-Bucky esque drama. One is quite enough."

"Speaking of, there they are!" Peggy waved at them as Natasha and Steve looked towards arrivals

Later, when Bucky and Y/N were informed it was Sam's now-girlfriend that had been told their story to pass the time, they tried to figure which was more confusing. The fact that a stranger knew about them or the fact that said stranger was now Sam's girlfriend.

They both gave up eventually.

[anxiousanimal]

The Adam Parrish visual masterpost

Edit July 4 2018: added excerpt from chapter 33 of Dream Thieves. Thanks to @flowersalad for the suggestion!

Because there has been so much debate about what various parts of Adam Parrish look like, and because it can be hard to flip through four books to dig up the info you want, and because it’s his birthday and I am an idiot, I took on the task of collecting all (well, almost all) canon information about Adam’s visuals into one comprehensive post. Four books’ worth of quotes is under the cut, after the  

Summary:

Build: He’s tall (the second tallest of the boys), described as “slender”, “long” and “wiry”. It’s easy to see where the twink/twunk debate came from because he’s often said to look “fragile”. This seems to be more about his face than anything else though. (He does work three manual jobs and lifts weights on a regular basis but on the other hand he doesn’t seem to get a lot to eat.) 

Face: “Gaunt”, “strange”, “fine-boned”, “elegant”, “elongated features”, “wide-set eyes”. He’s tanned with fair, almost invisible eyebrows. His face tends to fascinate people. He looks tired and wary a lot because he is. There is not a freckle in sight. Sorry.

Hair: “Dust-colored”, “the same colorless brown as the tips of old grass ”. Unevenly cut.

Eyes: Blue and “pretty enough for a girl”. “Dusty lashes”.

Demeanor/mannerisms: Usually quiet, observing, can appear shy but isn’t. Hunched shoulders, cautious. Narrowed eyes. Pensive knocking. Hands in pockets. Elegant, controlled. Disdainful eyebrow.

The Raven Boys:

Chapter 2:

In the passenger seat was Adam Parrish, the third member of the foursome that made up Gansey’s closest friends. The knot of Adam’s tie was neat above the collar of his sweater. One slender hand pressed Ronan’s thin cell phone tightly to his ear.

Unlike Ronan, Adam’s Aglionby sweater was secondhand, but he’d taken great care to be certain it was impeccable. He was slim and tall, with dusty hair unevenly cropped above a fine-boned, tanned face. He was a sepia photograph.   

Chapter 6:

And the third was — elegant. It was not the right word for him, but it was close. He was fine boned and a little fragile looking, with blue eyes pretty enough for a girl. 

Despite the comeliness of the boy in the booth, it was not a pleasant millisecond.    

Beside him, the elegant boy ducked his head. His ears were bright pink. 

The elegant boy looked up and caught her gaze. His eyebrows were drawn together, remorseful rather than cruel, making her doubt herself. 

Chapter 7:

He looked tired, up too late too many nights in a row working and studying. 

I could tell him his grades are going to go to hell if he doesn’t cut back on his hours, Gansey thought, looking at the dark skin beneath Adam’s eyes.

In comparison to Ronan, Adam looked clean, self-contained, utterly in control. From somewhere, he had gotten a rubber ball printed with a SpongeBob logo, and he bounced it with a pensive expression.  

Adam dropped the ball and caught it again. He had an almost mechanical way of snapping his fingers around the ball as it bounced back toward him; one moment his hand was open and empty, and the next, tight shut around it.

Bounce. Snap. 

Instead of answering, Adam twisted his hand and released the rubber ball. He’d chosen his trajectory carefully: The ball bounced off the greasy asphalt once, struck one of the Camaro’s tires, and arced high in the air, disappearing in the black. He stepped forward in time for it to slap in his palm. Gansey made an approving noise. 

Chapter 8:

"Excuse me, um, miss — hi. " The voice was careful, masculine, and local; the vowels had all the edges sanded off. Blue turned with a lukewarm expression. To her surprise, it was Elegant Boy, face gaunter and older in the distant streetlight. He was alone. No sign of President Cell Phone, the smudgy one, or their hostile friend. One hand steadied his bike. The other was tucked neatly in his pocket. His uncertain posture didn’t quite track with the raven-breasted sweater, and she caught a glimpse of a worn bit of seam on the shoulder before he shrugged it under his ear as if he was cold. 

It didn’t escape Blue that his slightly accented voice was as nice as his looks. It was all Henrietta sunset: hot front-porch swings and cold iced-tea glasses, cicadas louder than your thoughts. He glanced over his shoulder, then, at the sound of a car on a side street. When he looked back to her, he still wore a wary expression, and Blue saw that this expression — a wrinkle pinched between his eyebrows, mouth tense — was his normal one. It fit his features perfectly, matched up with every line around his mouth and eyes. This Aglionby boy isn’t often happy, she thought. 

But she was stymied by his blush at the table; his honest expression; his newly minted, uncertain smile. His face was just strange enough that she wanted to keep looking at it.  

"Talk," he said. In his local accent, it was a long word and it seemed less of a synonym for speak than it was for confess. She couldn’t help but look at the thin, pleasant line of his mouth. He added, "I guess I could have just saved a lot of trouble by coming up to talk to you in the first place. Other people’s ideas always seem to get me into more trouble.  

Something about Adam told her that this was a boy she could have a conversation with.  

He just leveled her with a very steady look. It wasn’t an expression that left room for folly. 

Adam said only, "I’m glad I came back. " Turning his long self around, he began to push his dolefully squeaking bike back the way he’d come. 

Chapter 14:

Adam’s mother answered his knock. She was a shadow of Adam — the same elongated features, the same wide-set eyes. In comparison to Gansey’s mother, she seemed old and hard-edged. 

The ripped knees of Adam’s camo cargo pants appeared first, then his faded Coca-Cola T-shirt, then, finally, his face. A bruise spread over his cheekbone, red and swelling as a galaxy. A darker one snaked over the bridge of his nose.  

Now Adam looked at Gansey. There was something fierce and chilling in his eyes, an unnamable something that Gansey was always afraid would eventually take over completely. 

Chapter 15:

There were three boys in the doorway, backlit by the evening sun as Neeve had been so many weeks ago. Three sets of shoulders: one square, one built, one wiry.  

What it did was make him look more fragile and dirty, somehow, like a teacup unearthed from the soil, but Blue didn’t say that.  

No one volunteered immediately to go first, so she offered the deck to Adam. He met her gaze and held it for a moment. There was something forceful and intentional about the gesture, more aggressive than he’d been the night he approached her. 

Chapter 21:

But it was very difficult to imagine Adam as a raven boy as he greeted her, his hands neatly in his pockets, scented with the dusty odor of mown grass. His bruise was older and therefore more dreadful looking. 

Adam kept walking, but he didn’t look away. He seemed shy until he didn’t.  

Adam stopped walking. Blue, a few feet ahead of him, waited as he frowned at the things in his hands. He held the journal very carefully, like it was important to him, or perhaps like it was important to someone who was important to him. Desperately she wanted him to both trust her and respect her, and she could tell from his face that she didn’t have much time to accomplish either. 

Adam’s face melted into a grin, an expression so unlike his usual one that his features needed to completely shift to accommodate it. 

Chapter 23:

Beside her, Adam shielded his eyes. He looked at home here, his hair the same colorless brown as the tips of old grass, and he looked more handsome than Blue remembered. 

Chapter 32:

She looked at his face, fragile and strange under the bruise. It was easy to read him as shy or uncertain, she thought, but he really wasn’t either. Noah was. But Adam was just quiet. He wasn’t lost for words; he was observing. 

Chapter 39:

He held Adam’s gaze for a long, long moment. There was something unfamiliar in Adam’s expression, something that made Blue think that she didn’t really know him at all. 

Chapter 41:

She felt a little like she’d been approached by a wild animal, and she was at once flattered by its trust and worried that she’d scare it away. After a moment, she carefully stroked a few fine, dusty strands of his hair while she looked at the back of his neck. It made her chest hum to touch him and smell the dust-and-oil scent of him.  "Your hair is the color of dirt," she said. 

She wondered what it would’ve been like to kiss this hungry, desolate boy.  

The Dream Thieves:

Chapter 1:

Adam Parrish, gaunt and fair; 

As always, his features intrigued Blue. They were not quite conventionally handsome, but they were interesting. He had the typical Henrietta prominent cheekbones and deep-set eyes, but his version of them was more delicate. It made him seem a little alien. A little impenetrable.  

Chapter 5:

Ronan sometimes dreamt of Adam, too, the latter boy sullen and elegant and fluently disdainful of dream-Ronan’s clumsy attempts to communicate. 

Chapter 13

Blue craned her neck to see what they were looking at. It was just Adam. He sat in the reading room by himself, the diffuse morning light rendering him soft and dusty. He had removed one of the tarot decks from its bag and lined each of the cards faceup in three long rows. Now he leaned on the table and studied the image on each, one at a time, shuffling on his elbows to the next when he was through. He looked nothing like the Adam who’d lost his temper and everything like the Adam she had first met. That was what was frightening, though — there’d been no warning. 

Chapter 33:

Beside him stood Adam, his strange and beautiful face pale above the slender dark of his own suit. 

For a moment, Adam said nothing. He was not Gansey, he did not dazzle, he was a pretender with a flute of false champagne in his slender hand made from dust. He looked at Mrs. Elgin. She looked back at him through her eyelashes. With a jolt, he realized that he intimidated her. Standing there in his impervious suit with its red-knotted tie, young and straight-shouldered and clean, he had pulled off whatever strange alchemy Gansey performed. For perhaps the first time in his life, someone was looking at him and seeing power.

Chapter 48:

Adam cocked his head witheringly. 

Chapter 51:

She looked at him again. He was handsome and he liked her and if she hadn’t told him the truth, she could have dated him like a normal girl and even kissed him without worrying about killing him. 

Epilogue:

Ronan’s second secret was Adam Parrish. Adam was different since making the bargain with Cabeswater. Stronger, stranger, farther away. It was hard not to stare at the odd and elegant lines of his face.  

Blue Lily Lily Blue:

Prologue:

Adam Parrish stood beside her with his hands shoved into the pockets of his grease-stained cargo pants. He looked tired, but his eyes were clear, better than when she’d seen him last. Because Persephone was only interested in important things, she hadn’t considered her own age in a long time, but it struck her as she looked at him that he was quite new. That raw expression, that youthful hunch of his shoulders, the frantic sprawl of the energy inside him. (BLLB prologue)

His eyes fluttered, his dusty lashes resting on his cheeks. (BLLB prologue)

Chapter 1:

Adam Parrish, curled over himself in a pair of battered, greasy coveralls, asked, “Do you?” 

The walls were dust and rock, roots and chalk, everything the color of Adam’s hair and skin. 

Chapter 5:

Adam absently tapped a finger against his own wrist, a gesture somehow disconcerting and otherworldly. 

Adam’s expression was ferocious and pleased; Gansey was at once proud to know him and uncertain he did at all.  

Chapter 20:

They regarded each other. Adam fair and cautious, Ronan dark and incendiary. 

Chapter 27:

Adam was quiet as he weighed the options. His face was strange and delicate in the sharp light of Gansey’s head beam. Swiftly, and without explanation, he reached out to touch the cavern wall. Although he was not a dream thing, he was now one of Cabeswater’s things, and it was hard not to see it in the way his fingers spidered across the wall and in the blackness of his eyes as they gazed at nothing. 

Chapter 32:

How narrow-shouldered he was beside this other man. It was hard to see where he’d come from without a close look at their faces. Then one could see how Robert Parrish wore Adam’s thin, fine lips. Then it wasn’t hard to see the same fair hair, spun from dust, and the wrinkle between the eyebrows, formed by wariness. It was actually not a difficult thing at all to see that one had sired the other. 

Chapter 37:

Adam raised a diffident eyebrow at the scene. “Who’s ‘them’?” 

He was standing, very still, his hands by his sides. His chin was tilted up in a wary, fragile sort of way, and his eyes narrowed at nothing. Unlike Ronan and Henry, he was dustless. Gansey saw the jerk of his chest as it rose and fell. 

No one was talking to Adam. It wasn’t difficult to understand this: Adam didn’t look like someone you could talk to, just then. There was something more frightening about him than there was about the circle. Like the bare ground, there was nothing inherently unusual about his appearance. But in context, surrounded by these brick buildings, he didn’t … belong. 

Adam’s eyes slid over to him but his head didn’t turn. It was the stillness that made him seem so other.  

Chapter 39:

Leaning over the pool, Adam saw his face. He hadn’t noticed that he didn’t look like everyone else until he got to high school, when everyone else started noticing. He didn’t know if he was good-looking or bad-looking — only that he was different-looking. It was up to interpretation whether the strangeness of his face was beautiful or ugly.

He waited for his features to disappear, to smudge into a sensation. But all he saw was his Henrietta-dirt face with its pulled-down thin mouth. He wished he wouldn’t grow up to look like his parents’ combined genes. 

Chapter 44:

Both of the boys were unsettling — Adam Parrish, in particular, had a curious face. Not as in, he was a curious person. But rather that there was something peculiar about his facial features. He was an alien, handsome specimen of this western Virginia species; feather-boned, hollow-cheeked, eyebrows fair and barely visible. He was feral and raw-boned by way of those Civil War portraits. Brother fought brother while their farms ran to ruins — 

Adam Parrish smiled a little; it took two years off his age in a second. He had teeth on both his top and bottom jaw. 

The Raven King:

Chapter 13:

Adam stepped in front of the glass, his hand over his eye, looking at his gaunt face. His nearly colourless eyebrow was pinched with worry. 

Chapter 14:

His expression, if possible, turned more disdainful than it had over Henry Cheng.  

He was sort of half-smiling, but in that way people did when they were annoyed rather than when anything was funny.  

He spread his hands out at the still-empty restaurant, as if he, too, was amazed by the turn this conversation had taken.

Now Blue also spread her hands. It was a rather less elegant gesture than Adam’s, more like a fist clench in reverse.

He merely raised an eyebrow in reply, an action that warmed the temperature of Blue’s blood by a single degree. 

Adam’s mouth went very thin, like he was about to retort something, but in the end, he just swiped his keys from the table and walked out of the restaurant.

Chapter 18:

Adam was crouched in front of it, staring unflinchingly into the headlights’ brilliance. His fingers were spread on the asphalt and his feet braced like a runner waiting for the starting shot. Three tarot cards splayed before him. He’d taken one of the floor mats out of the car to crouch on to keep from dirtying his uniform trousers. If you combined these two things – the unfathomable and the practical – you were most of the way to understanding Adam Parrish.

“Parrish,” Ronan said. Adam didn’t respond. His pupils were pinhole cameras to another world. “Parrish.”

Just one of Adam’s hands lifted in the direction of Ronan’s leg. His fingers twitched in a way that conveyed don’t bother me with the absolute minimum of motion.

Ronan crossed his arms to wait, just looking. At Adam’s fine cheekbones, his furrowed fair eyebrows, his beautiful hands, everything washed out by the furious light. He had memorized the shape of Adam’s hands in particular: the way his thumb jutted awkwardly, boyishly; the roads of the prominent veins; the large knuckles that punctuated his long fingers. 

Adam’s fingers tensed, and then he sat back. He blinked, and then blinked again, rapidly, touching the corner of his eye with just the tip of his ring finger. This didn’t suffice, so he rubbed his palms over them until they watered. Finally, he tilted his chin up to Ronan.

“What the hell’s wrong with your eyes?” Ronan asked.

Adam’s pupils were still tiny. “Takes me a while to come back.”

Chapter 21:

For Adam, it meant linking in to the ley line that pulsed beneath the forest, unwrapping himself and allowing the bigger pattern inside. It was a process that was both eerie and awesome to watch from the outside. Adam; then Adam, vacated; then Adam, more. 

He glanced behind to make sure Adam was following; he was, looking at Ronan with narrowed eyes. 

Chapter 27:

Blue and Adam regarded each other. She sucked in her lip; he lifted a shoulder. They were both sorry.

Adam leaned to bump his knuckles against Gansey’s. 

Chapter 31:

Adam gently closed his locker.

Adam smiled cheerily. Ronan would start wars and burn cities for that true smile, elastic and amiable. 

Chapter 36:

Now Adam turned to him, intense. “What does that mean? How did you know it was different than just being her friend?”

“Nothing,” said Adam, a lie so outrageous that they both looked out into the yard again in silence. He tapped the fingers of one hand on the palm of his other.

“Ronan kissed me,” Adam said immediately. The words had clearly been queued up. He gazed studiously into the front yard.

Adam continued peering out the window. The only tell to the furious working of his mind was the slow twisting together of his fingers. 

Adam released his hands from each other. “I think that’s what I needed to hear.” 

Chapter 39  

After a few moments, he heard the door ease open behind him and Adam joined him. Silently they looked over the dancing lights in the fields. It was not difficult to see that Adam was working intensely with his own thoughts. 

Chapter 45:

“Fuck,” said Adam vehemently. He had begun to shake, though his face had not changed. 

Chapter 52:

And he had Adam’s mind here in the dream with him. In the real world, he was scrying in the passenger seat again, and in this one, he stood in this ruined forest, hunched over, face unsure.

The real Adam was standing with his head turned to the side as an unreasonable facsimile of his father screamed in his face, the cadence of his voice perfectly and eerily matched to the real Robert Parrish. There was a firm set to Adam’s mouth that was less fear and more stubbornness.

Adam met Ronan’s gaze, even as the duplicate version of his father kept screaming at him. The strain of whatever energy balance he was doing was visible on his face. “Are you ready?” 

Chapter 56:

Adam just looked at it in a distant way, his hands clasped together as if they were cold. 

Chapter 64:

Shaking his reddened wrists free of the ribbon, Adam first touched the top of the Orphan Girl’s head and whispered, “It’s going to be all right.” And then he climbed out of the car and stood before Gansey. What could they possibly say?

Gansey bumped fists with Adam and they nodded at each other. It was stupid, inadequate.

Chapter 66:

Beside Blue and Henry, Adam was dry-cheeked and dead-eyed, but the Orphan Girl hugged his arm as if comforting a weeper as he stared off into nothingness.

Adam suddenly sat down. He said nothing at all, but he covered his face with his hands.

Adam looked up from where he was folded in the grass. His voice was small. “What about Cabeswater?” 

Epilogue:

He waited, hands in the pockets of his pressed khaki slacks, looking at the clean toes of his shoes and then up again at the dusty door.

The door opened, and his father stood there, eye to eye with him. Adam felt a little more kindly to the past version of himself, the one who had been afraid of turning out like this man. Because although Robert Parrish and Adam Parrish didn’t look alike at first glance, there was something introverted and turned-inward about Robert Parrish’s gaze that reminded Adam of himself. Something about the knit of the eyebrows was similar, too; the shape of the furrow between them was precisely the shape of the continued difference between what life was supposed to be and what life was actually like.

He knocked on the cabinet beside him, once, thoughtful, and then he took out the BMW keys. “I’ll do that,” he said.

Opal - a story

Adam had taken the cassette from Ronan’s hand, working Ronan’s fingers loose and putting his own fingers between them. For a moment Opal, hidden, had thought they were going to kiss. But instead, Ronan pressed his face against Adam’s neck and Adam quietly put his head on top of Ronan’s head and they did not move for a long time. 

Adam’s feet were long and hairless and vulnerable looking. His anklebone protruded like his wristbones did, as if his feet were just very strange hands. He had little bits of dark sock lint stuck to his skin, and it came off in a stripe when Opal rubbed at it. 

[everyandanythingimagines]

New Year’s Day | N.C

Warnings: use of alcohol? (idk if that is a warning), I guess angst

Word Count: 3341

Summary: Based on ‘New Year’s Day’ by T-swizzle :)

A/N: sooo yeah long break but I’ve been writing again... btw not my song, it’s by Taylor Swift. BASICALLY this one is I guess special to me bc it’s somewhat true. ngl I don’t know if I got the interpretation of this song right, but this is how I saw it. Some parts were altered a bit to fit the song better but right when I heard it I just HAD to make it an imagine. also plz request lol thanks for reading hope u enjoy

*not my gif and it somewhat fits idk not really nvm*

 SIDE NOTE: There are a lot of time jumps so here is a guide if you are lost... Italics are from New Years Eve, normal is the day after and on, and bold is lyrics. enjoy

There's glitter on the floor after the party

Girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby

You woke up on new years day with the biggest smile on your face. Reminiscence of the night before still plays in your mind. You threw a party in your apartment with just a few of your closest friends. Somehow word got out that the oh so popular ‘Peter Kavinsky’ was going to be partying at your place and a whole bunch of girls, that you were 100% sure that they did not like you before this party, showed up. Probably trying to get lucky with him or any of his close friends. The both of you had mutual friends, and over time all of you had become one tight friend group.

Since yesterday was New Years Eve, everyone had been drinking and dancing. It was only 10 pm when everyone had started to party. You remember bits and pieces of that night, but the most important memories weren’t forgotten.

There was noise coming from the room next to you, some people had spent the night at yours due to their lack of ability to walk/drive home. You got up to check who it was and it was only just a few girls carrying their stuff in their hands trying to sneak out. They smile at you and thank you for inviting them, which was funny because some of them weren't.

Candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor

You and me from the night before, but

   Your friend, Morgan, came up to you as she was leaving, “Happy New Year girl! I thought you would want this!” She says. You look down at her hand and it’s a photo of you and Noah from yesterday. He looked amazing in his jeans and black button-up shirt, his hair was gelled yet slightly messy.

“Thanks!” unable to contain a smile on your face just thinking about the both of you from last night, “Do you wanna stay for a bite? I can make something?” You asked her.

“Yeah sure, I’ll stay and recover a bit more because last night was WOW,” she laughs, “so, you and Noah huh?” you turn to her and she’s wiggling her eyebrows. What happened was amazing, but you didn’t know what was going to happen next. All you thought about was last night and everything but the future between you two.

You had this crush on Noah for a while now, there was non stop texting between the both of you. People kept telling you that maybe the feelings were mutual, but it felt too good to be true. Noah was this amazing actor and you were this ordinary girl who he met through mutual friends. How would a relationship even work if this were to happen?

Don't read the last page

But I stay when it's hard, or it's wrong

Or we're making mistakes

Throughout the whole party, you and Noah were inseparable. Everything you did, he did and everything he did, you did. From playing harmless drinking games to sitting on the sofa cuddling and chatting nonstop. There were definitely glares thrown at the pair, but at your drunken state, you thought it was nothing. When you had become separated from Noah, you saw a few of your friends Victoria, Christina, and Gabby, talking in a corner.

You went up to them to see how they are doing, “Hey guys! What are you up to?” they immediately put on fake smiles. The last bit of ‘sober Y/N’ had thought this was weird, but the ‘drunk Y/N’ didn't think anything of it.

“Oh, just resting from this non-stop dancing! Nice party by the way!” They answer. At some point during this awkward exchange, you saw Vic’s eyes flash to Noah quickly. That’s when it all clicked, Noah had asked Victoria out months ago but she had rejected him because she “wasn’t ready” so why does she care now?

You brush off that thought and continue making your rounds to check if it’s getting too chaotic. As you do this your mind floats back to Victoria and Noah, “Maybe this isn’t okay” you think to yourself, “I didn’t think Vic and Noah were a big deal, maybe they are and this is a mistake” Your eyes find Noah’s, "or maybe not.".

I want your midnights

It was only 10 minutes till midnight, you had gathered everyone to the main area with the projector setup displaying the famous ball drop in New York. Noah had found you dancing with the rest of the group. Everyone partied like nothing else mattered. Dancing, drinking, and capturing moments people probably won’t remember tomorrow, if it wasn’t for cameras.

Time had flown by and the countdown from 30 seconds had started. Your heart was racing, you didn’t know what was going to happen. Sure you and Noah had been talking nonstop but does he really like you? It all comes down to this moment.

10

Noah’s hand found yours

9

You look around at your surroundings

8

But all you see is this beautiful brunette

7

The both of you is still counting together

6

Everyone else starts to fade…

5

Then the music….

4

He pulls you closer

3

You smile at him

2

Both of you start leaning in

1…

You kiss.

“Smile you two!” Morgan says. Noah ends the kiss first, smiling towards the Polaroid camera and you follow.

But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

You heard a knock on your door as you were in the middle of looking for some food.

“You get it, I’ll look for something to eat for us,” Morgan said, you smile and thank her. As you walk towards the door you pick up a bunch of empty bottles that were scattered all throughout your apartment.

“Hey! Happy New Year!” You greet, struggling to hold the bottles you had picked up. You look up to meet Noah’s eyes. He looked great considering how much he drank the night before and so did you, but then again you never get hangovers. He chuckles at you struggling and immediately helps you with a few bottles. “Thanks, come on in!” as you invite him in, Morgan sees him and gives you a look. You roll your eyes at her and drop the bottles in the recycling bin.

“Hey! How was your night?” Morgan winks and Noah greets her back. Morgan then looks to you, “ I couldn’t find food I want to eat so I’m going to head out to get us food, Noah do you want anything?” Morgan offers. He replies with a no thank you as he continues helping you clean up the bottles.

“Alright sounds good, I’ll just have what you are having,” You reply to her. She grabs her keys, winks at you and heads out the door. Silence filled the air as you both continued on cleaning. You didn’t know what to say and neither did Noah, he looked troubled, not knowing what to say.

As Noah placed the final bottle in the bin, he turned to you, “Look, Y/N, obviously I need to clear something up here…” Noah trailed off. Your heart was beating a thousand miles per hour, this didn’t sound so good. “You are very pretty, smart, and nice, but I don’t feel for you like as a relationship or anything like that type of thing,” Noah added, your heart dropped and you didn’t know how to reply. Noah continued, “ Yesterday was definitely a mixed signal for you and I feel awful about it…” You wanted to say something but you didn’t know what to say. You felt angry, betrayed, and devastated. So many things were running through your head. How could he do this to you?

You wanted to know what was going through his mind this whole time, it doesn’t make any sense, it wasn’t just last night that he had been flirting with you. The flirting had been going on for about a month now, why the sudden change?

“I have been in the same situation only it was the other way around and it sucked. I’m so sorry for everything I just wanted to let you know before things went too far.” the guilty boy finally finished his speech. You didn’t know what to say, you didn’t want to embarrass yourself.

Eventually, you managed to put words together, “Yeah… I feel like that was just because we were both drunk … And don’t worry about it, you’re a good guy” you finally raise your eyes at him. “ I’m not gonna lie when we first met I was kinda into you, but I like us better as friends. I don’t want things to be weird with us after last night…” you lie, you’re trying hard to keep as much dignity you have left and brush off his confession as if it didn’t affect you. But it had, and you were crushed.

Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you

Your close friends had arrived early to have a fancy dinner before the party had started. Sadly, Noah had a last minute shoot for his upcoming movie. By the time everyone had finished dinner, Noah had finished, he just texted you that he was on his way over. Your friends helped you clean up before people came to avoid anything breaking.  Suddenly, the doorbell rang, you ran to the door and opened it. It was Noah, he still had a bit of makeup on from the shoot that you could tell he had tried to rub off.

“I like your makeup!” You laugh at his attempt to take off his makeup.

Noah sheepishly rubs his face. “I can handle this stuff for shoots and stuff, but daily? Dang woman! How do you do this?” He complains to you. You offer him some makeup remover wipes and he gladly accepts. You take him upstairs to your washroom and give him the wipes.

“Do you need help taking it off? Or can you handle that yourself?” You tease him.

“Well I mean if you need an excuse to come closer then okay…” he says in a seductive voice.

“Come on! You could've done better than that!” You laugh at Noah's attempt to flirt with you. You grab the wipes from his hand as he sits on the counter, your body is in between his legs as he rests his hands on your waist. The sound of your heart pounding was loud, you were sure the Noah could hear it over the both of you talking about each others day.

As you finish taking off his makeup, the both of you stare into each other's eyes, your faces slowly inch closer together. “Hey, you two! Come down here before everyone arrives!” you could hear one of your friends shout from outside the washroom. The both of you jump separating yourselves a bit, but still not letting go of each other.

“Maybe we should join them…” Noah trails off as his eyes flicker from yours to your lips.

There’s glitter on the floor after the party

“Thanks for understanding” Noah smiles at you. You look into his eyes and you were confused. You could see guilt and sadness in his eyes, but what made you confused was when you could see a hint of regret. Not like he regretted what you two had experienced, but as if he didn't want to be rejecting you and he regrets doing this, there had to be more than he isn't telling you. He told you that he wanted to end this and that he didn’t want you, so why are his eyes saying something else? The pair stays silent for a while as you process things and cleaning the tabletops to keep you both occupied. “I should get going now…” Noah says as he finishes wiping down the surface of your tables. “I have to video chat my parents later…” he awkwardly shuffles to the door. Noah had always been open with you from the beginning. The second time you guys hung out he told you how hard it was being in a different country as his parents, especially when he had to move away so young. Although he finds it embarrassing that he calls his mom every day, you found it sweet.

“Yeah, no problem. Thanks for stopping by,” you say as you go to open the door. You both exchange goodbyes before you shut the door. Suddenly your vision became blurry from the tears building up in your eyes, you leaned your back against the wall and slid down on the floor. You don’t know how long you were there for, but you were playing every single moment you two had together. How could this happen? It seemed like the feelings you had for each other were mutual, but you were mistaken.

When you recovered from your mini shut down, you look around the room. There was glitter everywhere on the floor and stuck to your body. You felt empty, even though you told Noah you still wanted to be friends, how were you supposed to go back to normal. You didn’t even know what ‘normal’ was for you guys, the majority of the time knowing him it was always flirting. One thing you knew was that you had to clean up and put everything in the past.    

The door opened and in came Morgan, “Y/N? Are you okay? What happened?” she asked all worried. When she left you were with Noah all happy, but now you’re not and he’s not here.

Please don't ever become a stranger

Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere

~time skip~

   It has been a few months since New Years and you finally recovered. It took you a while to get over Noah, your friends practically had to drag you out of bed so you could go out with them. As the days went on it got easier to not think about the stunning brunette and it felt great. You were more mad than anything. Sadly, you never patched up that friendship with him and got back to the way things were, but you were okay with that. Since the both of you were in the same friend group you still had to see him, at first it was awkward but you both got over it. However, you never had a one on one conversation since that day.

   You were currently bowling with a few of your friends having a great time. Everyone was happy now that you were back to normal.

   “Okay! Loser buys a round of shots for us at the club later!” Morgan challenges, everyone laughs and agrees. It was girls night and you all were planning on getting wasted with a possibility of meeting an eligible bachelor.  

   “You guys are going down!” You shout, you walk up to the lane and start prepping. Suddenly you hear a laugh a few lanes down from you, it was pretty crowded and loud but you could never forget one of your favorite laughs. You turn to face where the noise came from, your mind was right, it was Noah.

There were multiple times you saw him after New Years, but this time was different. You saw him with Christina, and it wasn’t just a hangout, his arm was around her plus they clearly were flirting. You pointed them out to your friends and some of them were shooting you looks to see that you’re okay, but others were mad that Noah just practically hit up all the girls in your friend group.

It wasn’t until after Noah told you off that you found out that he had chatted up all your friends, which was disgusting considering that you all were in the same circle of friends. By the time you had found that out about him, you were done with it. You would still deal with being ‘friends’ with him still, he hurt you all and that wasn’t right.

At first, when you found out you didn’t believe it, he was so sweet and caring, how could he do it? But he did. There was still some part of you deep inside that felt for him and seeing him with Christina hurt. She was the last person you would expect to do this, none of you saw it coming. What hurt, even more, was that he promised once that he would take you bowling. One day you sent him a snap of your bowling score and he had challenged you, he didn’t say it would be a date, but you thought it could be one. However, he never took you.

And I will hold on to you

It was nearing the end of the night, you and your close friends were all sat on the sofas laughing about old stories of each other. Noah’s arm was around you leaning on each other, everyone was tired and sobered up. Which made sense since you all started partying at 8. The party had calmed down, mostly everyone went home or to another party spot when they figured out their chance with Noah was basically impossible. As everyone broke into their own conversations, Noah turned to you, “I should go… I had a great time, tonight was unexpected but good,” he smiled as he started to get up.

“Me too! Thanks for coming!” You said. He pulled you into a tight hug like you both were savoring it. The rest of the boys stood up as well saying their goodbyes. You lead them to the door and took one last polaroid before they left.

You smiled at them, you could tell that he was happy, he used to have those eyes whenever you were around. It feels like there should have been more to what has happened, but you will never know. There are some things you will never understand and one of them is the whole truth of what happened between you two. It hurts but you had to let him go, maybe he was the right person at the wrong time or maybe not. All you know is that something felt right between you two to just let him go.

You took a deep breath, “goodbye Noah…” you whispered as threw your ball down the lane. You turn around walking back to your spot, Gabby’s face drops.

“Aw man! Okay, drinks on me tonight!” She yells, “but we’re having a rematch next time!” She challenges. You were confused, you thought were in last behind Gabby, but that was until you looked up at the screen and saw you got a strike. You smile and finish your turn.

“Okay, who is ready to party?” You say as everyone starts getting ready to leave. You walk to the counter returning your shoes then head towards the exit. You pause and hesitate before turning around to get one last look at Noah. Your eyes met his brown ones that had already been on you, both of you had this look in your eyes. Everything that happened between the both of you will live in your memories, and there will definitely always be a place in your heart for him no matter how bad he could hurt you. Whether you had still a future together as friends, you don’t know, but you had to let him go.

So there you both were, staring at each other across the room, it was as if time had stopped. You gave him a slight nod and he returned it. This was it, the ending of you two as a couple, the closure you finally needed.

“Y/N C'mon! We are going to miss all the cute guys!” Morgan said snapping you out of your last moment with Noah. You laugh and ran outside to the car. From that point on, Noah was the last thing on your mind for the rest of the night.

[ofphcenixes]

@noah-malone​

there’s always a price to pay... and noah paid blue’s secret to save his own. 

discord thread ( to be continued... ) 

NOAH:

That stupid action, blurred moment of hate, that joint that confused his thoughts too much had finally come back to haunt him. Haunt him in the form of Blue, a few texts, a stare at the parking lot. A nice night bowling, trying to rekindle a friendship. Who knows maybe more? All knocked down by his stupid actions. This was not just strike one, but strike two. Noah knew he was going to score a punch, if not from Blue, definitely Holden, threats letting the screen light glare. Feet stuck to the car park ground, tears in eyes, mouth stuck open, unable to speak. “Blue, please?” the whimper, fear twisting. Not from Blue, not from Holden but what honesty may slip. If his truth entered the air it was gone from the shadows, into the lights of the parking lot. Noah was scared, not for himself but his own safety and the safety of the one he was protecting. Tears slipped, dripping onto his collar. Just silence.

BLUE:

Blue's hands gripped around his steering wheel, the leather conforming to his hand as his teeth ground together with his eyes square on the entrance to the bowling alley. The blond hadn't known what to expect of Noah ever since their conversation in the woods, and it had quietly haunted him since then with the way Blue treated him. He was not good with emotions, that much was clear. Noah knew Blue at a time where he was a mere amalgam of denial and lust - his motivations for everything surrounding the void in his heart he was so trying desperately to fill with truths he was avoiding. Not many people were privy to that side of Blue, as he was still so afraid to let that be out there. He was far more secure in himself now at least, but Blue's sexuality wasn't something that he advertised - he'd merely quietly accepted it. But with one action, one moment - Noah had ruined that.Blue viciously slammed the door of his car as he began to pace across the parking lot, Noah emerging from the shadows as he met him in the middle. Blue was absolutely seething - however, he felt his fists stiffened at his side. Instead, his eyes pleaded with Noah's as to why the fuck he did what he did. "Please what ?" Blue heaved, his eyes pointed on the other. His resolve had already begun to crumble, the anger subsiding into a brazen and furious harrow. "You of all fucking people knew that I have people in my life who don't understand this side of me," Blue spluttered out, looking so lost as general merriment could be heard from the bowling alley. "And I know I don't... hide it anymore like I used to, but that did not give you the fucking right." Blue was confused. After he confessed to Noah his motivations for leaving him high and dry all those years ago, he figured that he understood. That their friendship was on the mend. That hey, maybe they actually could stand to talk in a room together. Instead, Blue got this. "So what was it, huh ? Revenge ? Boredom ? Thought, oh, he was a dick when he was 15 to me, so let me just advertise that he likes dick too !" Blue could see Noah's expression crumble with each passing moment, the tears permeating on his skin. But Blue couldn't find it in him to feel sorry for him. If anything he thought... of all people he'd understand. Bu the didn't. He just fucking didn't.

NOAH:

Noah thought he was going to be sick watching the figure approach.  Each word made his stomach churn, wanting to bend over in pure pain and anxiety. “It’s not like that- it’s a shit excuse, I was high.” Noah quickly brought his hands to his face, shouting into them, before dragging his nails down his cheeks, truly beginning to cry. “I’m not mad at you Blue. I wasn’t bored and there’s no revenge. I have a problem, you know I have. Everyone knows I have.” Then the shaking began, then the cravings. He craved what made it better, what also made it momentarily better, momentarily easier- a fix of anything. Oh please, take the pain away. “I’m scared Blue, I had to do something and I had logic then but it doesn’t make sense. I was wrong, I was so fucking wrong.” Hands slipped into his hair, grabbing it tight. “I’m stupid. I’m sorry. Do whatever you want to me, let anyone do what they want to me. I’m sorry Blue.” Then the breathing went, beginning to hyperventilate- fear and cravings, it controlled everything. “Baby I’m sorry.”

BLUE:

Blue furrowed his brow as the other mentioned intoxication. He couldn't help but hearken back to the times that used to be Them sharing a blunt, under the spell of a narcotic as they spilled their biggest secrets to one another. The very excuse almost made Blue's entire expression solidify into a pure rage. "So you get a free fucking pass because you were high when you outed me ? I guess that makes sense," Blue quipped angrily, his arms crossing over his chest. Blue regretted agreeing to this. For a second, he could almost imagine the two being friends... perhaps not in the capacity like they once were, but at least, on good terms. Despite the innate fear that Blue still had of letting people close, he knew he wanted that. But now he was less sure.As Noah began to cry, Blue felt his features soften. He didn't know what to do as the man who he knew to be the most composed, intelligent, put together, just crumbled like a house of cards. His apologises quelled the fire, but Blue couldn't help the festering anxiety that this was... doomed. Trouble followed the pair like a shadow in the light, and no matter what happened, something always occurred to come back to haunt Blue. First, it was letting his emotions out only for Noah to remain tight-lipped. Now, it was him revealing something so precious and intimate that really only the pair had shared. But Blue could see the conflict, the pain etched over Blue's face. And he knew there was more, but he still couldn't fathom in any capacity how this involved him. "You... need to stop giving people an excuse to use you as a fucking punching bag," Blue breathed out at the other's final words, his lip trembling. Then he could see it - a weakness, balls of sweat and how Noah's face blanched. The razored breath that cut into Blue's heart. "Noah, I... I think you should sit down."

NOAH:

Blue was right in everything he said but Noah knew nothing else, Noah had always been a toy? a pawn? someone to use. He expected it, he wanted it but in reality he needed to escape it. “I’m sorry Blue, I’m making it about me and it should be about you and what I’ve done to you. I’m so sorry, I’ll never forgive myself.” Following Blue’s suggestion, his knees bent, legs moving to allow him to reach the gravel. Legs crossed and eyes down, Noah’s arms hugged himself. He was aware that his actions were out of character but he was too frantic to stop. Too frantic to readjust. Too frantic to just settle. Nothing was okay and in that moment of pure lunacy, Noah begged the air to let him evaporate, to be nothing but a bad memory. To be another Daisey, just less cared about and less relevant. Fucking up people’s lives sucked. Eyes lids heavy and swollen, shut. A large exhale through his nostrils, met with a shaky inhale through the mouth. The regret was unmanageable. So much anger to himself, he was sick of himself, sick of it all. Just sick to his stomach. “Blue I am so sorry, I know it won’t make it better but I am and this may or may not be the most honest thing I ever say to you. I’m just so fucking sorry.” Noah decided he wanted to tell him, just let him know what was really going on. “Will you ever forgive me? You don’t have to answer now.” It was a whisper, a plea, a whimper of tears. This was a breakdown but witnessed by Blue.

[julia-highstorms]

If Jane Was Here (Noah’s POV) - Ch. 04

Summary: ILITW by Noah’s point of view. Read Chapter 3 here

Note: F!MC! It took me a lifetime to write ch. 3, but chapter 4 came so fast, instead! 🤗 Hope you guys enjoy it!

Pairing: Noah x MC my babies

Word count: 1785

Chapter 4 - What’s Coming to You

After Dan passed out again, they brought him to MC’s house, putting the unconscious boy on her sofa. Andy and Ava left soon after, because of their curfew.

They called the police and waited for them to arrive at the door. MC was still shaking.

“Hey… You okay?” – he asked her, who was sitting next to him on the steps of the door.

“I’m just a little cold…” – she answered, hugging herself.

“Do you want me to go get a blanket or…”

“It’s not necessary…” – and then, she rested her head on his shoulder. Noah felt his heart jump a little, but stayed still. – “…This is nice.”

“Hm…” – he couldn’t answer a thing. All he could feel was his cheeks getting hotter and hotter as he felt MC’s warmth against his.

“But can you stay here? You mom won’t be worried?“

He was about to answer her that it was okay, that his mom never cared about him anyway, when someone called him.

It was his mom.

“Crap…” – he muttered, before answering the call. – “Hey, m—“

“Where are you?!” – she yelled from the other end. – “Do you know what time is it, Noah Marshall?!”

“I know, mom, but…”

“I don’t know what you’re doing, and I don’t care. You had just one job, that is making the dinner, but then I came home to find nothing! You better be home in five or…” – she started threatening him.

“Okay, okay, I’m coming!” – she hung up. – “Jeez! She never comes home this early from work, but tonight she just had to!”

“You better go, Noah.” – MC told him, softly. He looked at her.

“Are you sure? But the cops are coming…”

“I can handle them alone.” – she smiled to him.

“I know that you can, but…”

“It’s okay, really.” – her warm hand squeezed his, reassuringly. – “Thanks for staying a little bit, Beanie Boy. Now, you better go.”

“Okay…” – he reluctantly stood up and started walking toward the road. – “Uh, if you need me, just text me!” – he yelled at her.

She nodded, waving at him.

He and Mom argued the whole night.

She said something about “he was too old to go play in the woods” and blamed him for Jane’s death, again. Because he took her to the woods that day and she never came back. And it was his fault that Dad left, because their precious angel was dead.

Because of him.

It was his fault. It was always his fault.

And then, he yelled at her that no one asked to be born. And she slapped him in the face and ordered him to go to bed.

If Jane was here…

Noah didn’t sleep at all that night. He just couldn’t.

Every time he closed his eyes, he would see those creepy vine creatures.

And Redfield. And Dan lying unconcious on the floor.

And Jane’s face, her lifeless eyes wide open, watching him in the dark.

If Jane was here…

If Jane was here…

If Jane was here…

He went to school earlier the next day, succesfully avoiding his mom.

He didn’t see MC, Ava or Andy the whole morning.

Noah hoped that they were okay.

That afternoon, all the students were obliged to attend an emergency assembly to discuss the rumours about Dan. He sat near the back of the auditorium, as Mayor Green spoke from behind a lectern.

“Hey.” – he looked up as Ava joined him, with Lily and Stacy. They greeted him too.

“Is it true what Ava said?” – Lily asked him, nervously sitting on the chair next to him.

“That you fought some, I don’t know, vine skeleton doggy things?” – Stacy was pretty curious too.

“Yeah… They were made of moss and bones…”

“Told ya.” – Ava interrupted.

“…And they were terryfing as fuck.”

“Uh, I think you meant that they were awesome as fuck.”

“They’re not ‘awesome’, Ava! They’re scary!” – Lily squeaked, her hands trembling.

“Scary things are awesome.”

While Lily and Ava argued, he saw MC alone a few rows ahead.

“Pssst. MC. Over here.” – he called her.

MC joined them, as Mayor Green called Lucas and he took the stage.

“Hey, are you okay?” – he whispered to her.

“Yeah. Thanks for asking.” – she answered with a tired and small smile on her lips, as Lily said:

“I don’t know, guys, this sounds important. Maybe we should listen.”

“Lily, c’mon. We’ve heard this speech every year since first grade.” – Stacy answered and Noah agreed with her:

“Besides, we have more important stuff to talk about. Like what went down last night.”

“Ugh. Last night is a blur. I barely even remember getting home.”

“What did you tell the cops?”

“Just enough. They wouldn’t have believed the full story anyway.”

“I barely believe it, and I was there.” – he sighed, putting his face into his hands. – “I barely slept after I got home. And I had nightmares all night. What happened out there was… frickin’scary, man.”

MC put a hand on his shoulder: “We handled it like pros.”

“Yeah, maybe you did. I was scared out of my mind.”

“Could have fooled me.” – she smiled, winking at him. – “You were totally a badass hitting those things with that flashlight.”

He scoffed, but couldn’t hide a smile.

“You’re a bad liar.” – he said, feeling cheered up already. – “Well, anyway… We filled these guys in on what happened.”

“I still can’t believe those plant skeleton things.” – Ava calmly said, looking at her nails.

“I still think they sound horrible.” – Lily shivered, just imagining about them.

“What? No, they were awesome! I mean, aside from trying to rip our faces off.”

“What about Lucas?” – MC asked, looking at the boy in the stage.

“Andy texted him.”

“I still can’t believe you guys were actually right.”

“Hang on, we need to get that on tape.” – Ava said to Stacy’s confession.

“So, what happens now?” – Lily asked, looking worried to them.

“What do you mean? They found Dan, so… everything’s over now. Right?” – Stacy had the same expression in her face.

“I doubt it.”

“Those monster things… I think they worked for Mr. Red. Like puppets.”

“What, he couldn’t kill Dan on his own? He had to send pets to do it?”

“I don’t think they were trying to kill Dan. At least not mainly.”

“How do you figure that?” – Noah asked MC.

“Think about it. Dan was helpless out there. They could have killed him easily. But it was more like they wanted to… take him somewhere.”

“But you stopped them.” – Stacy concluded.

“Which means they’ll be back. Whatever Mr. Red wants… I think he’s just getting warmed up.” – MC stopped speaking for a couple of seconds. – “Hey… can I ask you guys something? When was the last time each of you talked to Dan?”

“Oh jeez…” – Ava muttered, trying to remember.

“I don’t know.” – Lily said in a low voice.

“A couple of years, maybe?” – Noah answered, but wasn’t so sure.

Dan (along with Lily) was one of the few of his friends who wouldn’t pretend to not know him after Jane’s death. Actually, he would wave at him when they met in the hallway, between classes, but they haven’t really talked since… that day.

“The last day of school. Just before summer vacation.”

“Did he seem… distracted? Did he bring up what happened when we were kids? Did he asked you abut Mr. Red?” – MC asked the cheerleader.

“I don’t remember. I think we mostly talked about our plans for the summer… But now that you mention it, he did seem kind of… evasive?”

“MC, why are you bringin this up?” – Noah asked her, surprised.

“I’ve just been thinking about a conversation he and I had… I’m wondering if maybe he was stuck on what happened when we were kids. Trying to make sense of it. And maybe…”

“…Maybe he went back to the woods by choice.” – and then he understood what MC was thinking.

“Well, there’s only one way we’ll find out for sure.”

“What?” – Stacy looked confused at Ava.

“We go to the hospital and ask him.” – MC said, firmly.

And then, the three o’clock bell rang as Lucas finished his speech.

After the assembly, they all lingered by the lockers as students grabbed their things and headed home. As Ava, Lily and MC decided to go home together, Andy showed up to check if they were okay, before his basketball practice.

Mayor Green approached them soon after.

“Hey mom.”

“Hello Stacy. Everyone. How are you kids holding up?”

“We’re fine, mom.”

“Um, actually, can I ask you a question?” – MC said, after clearing her throat.

“Certainly.”

“You mentioned Dan is in the hospital… I was wondering, can we see him yet? We need to talk to him about… um… school stuff.”

“Oh, the hospital is not allowing visitors yet, I’m afraid. I think they’d prefer to wait until Dan wakes up first.”

“Wait, back up. Dan still isn’t awake? Are you saying he’s in, like, a coma?” – Noah asked, feeling his body getting cold.

“I’m sorry. It’s just too soon to tell. But as soon as there’s news, I’ll make sure you’re all aware. You know, despite the circumstances, I’m glad to see you all hanging out again. You’re good kids.”

“I reject that combination of words.” – Ava answered.

“Well, I’d certainly prefer you to some of Stacy’s other friends…”

“Mom, come on.”

“Speak of the devil…” – Noah muttered, watching Britney approach, walking down the hall. – “Aaand that would be my cue.”

“Likewise. Mom, let’s go.”

He, Stacy and Mayor Green walked out of the school building, after saying goodbye to MC, Ava and Lily.

“Do you want a ride home, Noah?” – the woman asked him, taking the car keys in her purse.

“That would be great, actually!” – he answered, surprised by the offer.

“Good. Follow me, you two.”

They crossed the parking lot and entered the vehicle.

“So, how have you been, Noah?” – she asked, starting the engine. Stacy sighed by the passenger seat.

“Good…” – he answered from the backseat.

“I haven’t seen you playing with Stacy in years, since…” – Stacy intervened before Mayor Green talked about that unpleasant topic:

“Because we’re not kids anymore, mom.” – he could see the girl rolling her eyes through the rear-view mirror. They shared a small smile, before she changed the subject: – “Anyway, is Connor coming for dinner today?”

Noah thanked the cheerleader mentally.

“I hope so. I’m planning to bake a pie for him.”

“Cool.” – the girl yawned.

“What kind of pie? I’ve got this apple pie recipe and…” – he stopped talking suddenly, realizing that he was way too excited about the topic.

“Apple pie? That’s a great suggestion! Can you share it with me? You can text it to Stacy.”

“S-sure! Uh, if you’re planning to have a special dinner, I have this great recipe…”

Stacy fell asleep in the middle of the conversation, but it was the most pleasant ride Noah had in years.

If Jane was here…

[exquisitelyeco]

What Armour??.?

I don’t know about you. But Ephesians 6 has really had me confused, as well as a sight of hilariousness …new word….. meaning VERY amusing to the point of literally weeping……in heaven. Everyday…..well….not quite, literally physically pretending to put on the spiritual armour that Paul goes on about in Ephesians 6. Picking up the imaginary helmet and putting it on my head……etc.

And it meant nothing really. I didn’t have a blasted clue! Putting imaginary gear and believing that I was protected! And the bit, ‘For we struggle not against flesh and blood,……in verse 12! Whaaaat? Flesh and blood??! Why not just say human beings??? Now if I can’t see it, I don’t get it. Sorry. But I find that hard. I imagine demons as ghostly things, floating around venomously, whilst I wear this imaginary armour and worry about arrows being shot in my bottom where there isn’t any! Did you notice that? No trousers. So ones behind is rather vulnerable….

And I truly believed doing this worked. I thank God He makes us stand! Romans 14v4. Although I think He looked at me and said ‘Oh dear!’ you know the one……Any of you have kids? You are trying not to smile, but it’s so funny you have to go out of the room…..

When I was teaching, as a TA, I had to mark some year 2 spellings. The wee lambs had to spell the work ‘can’t’. Many of them had spelled it cunt……I was in bits. Thankfully the class didn’t notice…..I think God falls about laughing at some of the things I did and still do, trying to work it all out. But you know what? Just like we get Soooooo excited when our baby stands up or takes their first step, and tell EVERYBODY , I think He does that too! Look at Nic! I know her armour is a bit wonky, but LOOK! She’s trying to toddle, my baby girlie! Ahhhh…..I’m glad I gave her those angels though…..she REALLY needs ’em!

So. Back to this chapter. I bet even the poor Ephesians did what I did. Old Paul made it complicated. Why not make it plain? Have you noticed, the pastors say stuff and your left thinking ‘eh?’ I think I get it….or if your like me, thinking you HAVE got it. I will tell you a wee story, and you are NOT to laugh…My lady pastor, Susan, did a preach on forgiveness. And how damage happens to us if we do not eventually get to that place……of forgiveness that is……And she was talking about this damage and she said, about finding your keys to healing. So poor old me goes around for 10 YEARS thinking I had a key buried in my brain somewhere……until in another preach, she put it like this……..’ finding keys LIKE forgiveness’ and I went ‘Ohhhhhhhhhh! NOW I get it!’

A digression, I had my ex husband 1 in stitches thinking that petrol stations sucked petrol from streams deep in the earth…….I can be a bit like that……Or when I said to my sister, ‘That’s not a very nice name for pies, Puke-er pie’ , cos I did’nt know how to pronounce Pukka…..she nearly had a heart attack laughing….

So here I was, day after day, putting on imaginary armour, literally. Picking up a ‘imagined’ helmet and using my hands to stick it on my head etc. I was so worried about my bottom! I imagined extra armour……I kid you not…..

Hey! If the shoes WERE literal, could you wear high heels? I’ll stop now….

And it suddenly occurred to me just TODAY, as I sit here reading it, what it meant! AH HA! 30years and she gets it! O my goodness THIRTY years? I’m getting on! Anyway, cos I have had this AMAZING revelation I thought I’d share it with you!

I feel like a learned and holy guru right now…..smug and HUGE! Ahhhhh! Remember Nebechednezzer, Nick, concrete feet……

So.

Also, the bit about it’s not a flesh and blood struggle, flesh and blood – meaning humans. I’ll explain that first, cos it comes first! Flesh and blood. And Paul makes it clear that is NOT what we are fighting against. Neither does it mean going to the butcher shop. It means what is IN us. What our drives, or issues or besetting sins are, or in very plain English, what things we do that make us a pain in the arse to others and ourselves. The things we do that cause hurt and pain.

All sin hurts. And it’s THAT, that comes OUT of us. That is what Paul means. Out of the heart comes all evil. Matthew 15v19, Mark 7 v21. How do these things start? In our thoughts. We get them in, and if we KEEP listening to them, they grow in power. And eventually, if we do not deal with ’em, we act on them. They are first and foremost. Satan? Read my post on for the love of Lucifer. He actually comes last. Truly. We give him far to much attention.

Most of the stuff that sets us up to fall is in ourselves. Our pet hates, prides, lusts, damages etc. Like gossiping, swearing, sleeping around, bullying/bullied, lying, watching porn. Being petty. Then the heavier, murder, rape, burglary. All things that can totally destroy us and cause us to do things and act in ways that put God out of the centre of our attention and the sin in it.

Sin starts SPIRITUALLY (in the heart) but has PHYSICAL consequences, (ending in eternal death, if not sorted) is a good way of seeing it.

But also. Rulers of the darkness of the Age. Satan has Sergeants and Lieutenants, just like any army. Some have a little power, like over a shop or town, some have more, like a county or country. (Daniel 10v13)

Basically, these guys are like soldiers. They seek to detain and stop angels, like in the verse from Daniel, (mentioned above) from reaching Gods people and answering our prayers and aiding, or helping us. They also draw in and enslave people to keep them in darkness and their faces and hearts in chains, away from God. Porn is a very powerful weapon the enemy uses. It is like an addiction, and because the person often feels ashamed and hides it, it gives it more power. Always remember, secrecy is one of Satan’s and Sins most powerful weapons, hence, James 5v16. Confession merely means talking it out. Saying aloud what you have done or are struggling with. It breaks its power. It is not done to shame but to heal. Remember, there is now NO condemnation for us in Christ Jesus. Romans 8v1. Jesus knows we all have crap to sort out still. So don’t sweat the small stuff.

It is ultimately an illusion to think we can hide anything. Because in fact, according to God, the opposite will be true and will happen.Luke 12v 3 makes this very clear. Now you would think, Hey! God knows everything! He knows what I’m doing, so why the need to say it?! Yup. He does. But remember. God is about relationship, not principles. The principle states ‘God knows everything’ relationship states ‘Come and talk to me.’ As I have said before, God makes it clear, not only can we talk to Him and find mercy, never condemnation, Matthew 12v7,John 3v17, that we can actually argue with Him AND change His mind! Isaiah 43v26. The book of Jonah is a clear case of God changing His mind. Nineveh repented. God changed His mind and did not destroy them as He planned to do. The same as He did when He chose to save Noah and not wipe out every human as He intended. Genesis 6v7. Remember that! We can always talk to God.

He truly is a parent, a good parent. And like any good parent can be reasoned with, but for our best may not always agree with our argument. And now we get to the best bit. Our armour!

What truths did I glean? What facets did I see? Well, not a blasted imaginary helmet, I can tell you! Or a pair of iron pants!

First the pants. And no. There ain’t any! Literally and figuratively speaking…..Our bottoms are behind us. Yup. I KNOW that is obvious. But it goes deeper. A soldier does not face behind. They face in front. And as long as they are facing the right way, their bum is covered. So when we turn around, our bottom is a target for the enemy. So make sure you face God. Bit back to front, I know. But that’s the way it makes sense. To me at least. If you lose focus, the enemy is right up your arse in a matter of splitteth……..New word, meaning so damn quick, don’t do it, seconds!

The helmet. Which is our thinking! Paul tells us that we need to renew our minds which means changing our thinking. Changing it to what God says, not what the world says.Romans 12v2. So if you, like me, have lies you listen too, like ‘I’m stupid,’ or ‘I hate myself’ or ‘ I’m ugly’ or ‘ I’m a failure ‘ or ‘ I can do this on my OWN’ change that thinking. Cos that, my dearest, dearest beloveds, is Satan’s thinking. He loves us to have those little phrases. And another thing we do, thinking we are right and no body else is. And that’s butt talk. Literally. Pride cometh before a fall, or in the way I described it earlier, a boot up your arse, which will have you flat on your face in the shit. Don’t do it. By shit I mean your open to being deceived because of your pride. We can only hear God if we are in humility. We cannot hear Him if we have pride. Cos we have ear phones on. With ‘I’m the greatest, I am, I am!’ Playing. Remember who I AM is. Cos it ain’t us.

What is humility? Being open to finding you are wrong. And saying you are sorry, confessing it and changing it. And we can be proud about anything. Our interpretation of scripture, our own church and its doctrine, etc. I talk about unrighteousness pride here. That refuses to believe anyone else could be right. Of course you can be righteously proud of being part of a church! Just remember, your church can make mistakes and can get it wrong! And that your little denomination is part of the BODY of Christ and not a little hand or finger crawling along alone! You will die that way as you have no blood supply……

How do you know? If you are being humble that is………By being truthful about yourself and those around you. For example: Do you harbour anger or pain? If so, have you dealt with it? If not, you is open to being deceived. See my post about Ananias and Sapphira and the gift of discernment, should you want too. I go into much more detail.

The breastplate of righteousness. Guarding your heart. And what is in it. Being in right standing with God. Keeping short account of your sin. Or to put it another way, don’t let anything fester too long. Jesus told us, do not let the sun go down on your anger, cos if you do you give Satan a foot hold. Ephesians 4v26, sorry it was Paul. But I’m sure he heard it in good authority……God gives us a whole day to be pissed off. Sort it ‘afore bedtime! If you forget, or have issues with anger, be truthful and open. That way God can help you and you do not hinder yourself, or give the enemy more to work with than he already has!

Righteousness is us acting like Jesus as much as we can and letting the Holy Spirit work in us, by being open to change if we see we need too, or if somebody else helps us to see we need too. If it’s someone else, make sure you take it to God, and somebody you trust first. Not somebody that always agrees with you, but somebody who has the gift of discernment and is truthful. If you take it to somebody who always agrees with you, you could find you are both deceived cos you both feel the same way about not wanting to listen!

Belt of truth speaks for its self. Well it does now…..be open….to correction and truth. Do not tell lies. Do not listen to lies….like the friend who agrees with you cos you both like to gossip about one particular person all the time, for example. Or you both hate one church, cos your still pissed at how you were treated there and you know they don’t like that church either……always take truth you think is truth to God and be open for His interpretations, not just those of your pastor or the religious TV. Remember, Gods ways are NOT our ways, or possibly our pastors and friends……Isaiah 55v8-9. Ultimately we are ALL chosen AND redeemed because God said so. Not us. Even His grace in giving us the actual trust we have IN Him! Not even that comes from us! ( Ephesians 2v8) So God does what HE wants! Not us! Read my testimony of ‘ A God outside the box, A story of personal redemption’ if you dare. And I mean it. I’ll piss you off and drop a hint. God gave me my son when I was having an affair. Simple. Read it. It’s not blasphemy. It shows how God is not like we think He is. Honestly. Hold God’s hand and read it. Then if you disagree, that’s fine. But I tell you that is what happened.

Shoes of the gospel of peace. Literally, where ever you walk, where ever your feet stop, don’t gossip or slag down other churches or people. We are all Gods children and need to be one body, not like fingers and toes fighting each other! Romans 12v5. Learn to discern Gods body. And to do that, you need the belt of truth and breast plate of righteousness. Or in another’s famous words ‘ Know thy self’ cos if you don’t, you can be sure Satan does. And he will use it. So where ever you go do not slander. Do not profane or swear. I do. I have to keep saying sorry.

Make sure what come out of your mouth, where ever you are honours others and God. If you have an issue, only share it with someone who discerns. If you must talk to your friends about it, Deal with the anger and hate first! And say it in such a away you are not spreading dissention and poison, but just saying how it was. Don’t encourage gossip and backstabbing of another person or church. Remember, not only will we be judged by what we say, we will be judged by every careless word that comes out of our mouth. Matthew 12v36-37. If you know it will hurt, shut your gob! Unless it’s done in love. And humbly, cos if it ain’t, you is in danger of falling. Galatians 6v1. The same goes for all non Christians you know. If it ain’t nice, keep it to YOURSELF! We are to be God’s light and love, not spite and gossip and nastiness. What kind of Christ are we representing if we behave like that?

The shield of faith? That is merely the words that come out of our mouths. What does the bible say? Faith comes by HEARING, and hearing by the word of God! Romans 10v17. Also, Life and death is in the power of the tongue. Proverbs 18v21. Jesus said, ‘Tell the mountain to go into the sea! And if you believe it will’ Mark 1v23. It’s so obvious! How did God start? He SPOKE! ‘Light’ and there was light. Genesis 1v3. But it comes in two bits, not only must we speak it. We must trust it will happen. That is what believing is. That is what it meant when Paul talked about Faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of what we do not yet see. Hebrews 11v1. All that means is this. I’ll give you example. You have longed for a weekend away. Your partner has promised it. You KNOW it will happen cos he said he has sorted it, but you have not done it yet and he has kept the date a secret!

Think as God is that partner! You have made your request. And if it is in accordance to Gods will, for example, not out of selfishness or greed or envy, then you know He will do it. But God does not normally tell us when! That is faith. Trusting God for your ask! ASK Him, then TRUST Him to do it!

Really! These people who translate bibles! They don’t half make it complicated, don’t you think? Thank God the Source Himself is a Good Teacher. Thanks, God! I bet He don’t stand in a blasted pulpit. That’s half the blasted problem……If you’d just GET DOWN……

The verse goes on to say, about the shield of faith quenches all the fiery darts of the enemy. Ephesians 6v16. The bible tells us our mind is the devils play ground. Philippians 4 v8-20. So we are back to those thoughts! CHANGE bad thinking! Undo bad habits! Like smoking, being drunk, sleeping around. All things that give Satan a way in to hurting us. Know the bible! Satan does! And He uses it. That is why so many Christians backstab others. Because they have pride in the fact ‘their’ interpretation of the bible is correct and everyone else’s is cultish! You give the old dragon some ammo if you do that!

The bible CLEARLY states we DO NOT know God’s ways OR His thoughts! Isaiah 55v8-9. 1 Corinthians 13v12. Not only are His ways and thoughts unknown to us, they are so high we can NEVER fathom or work them out! Hence my testimony I mentioned earlier. God is NOT who we think He is! And as the bible IS JESUS, because Jesus IS literally the WORD, get used to surprises. Cos if you don’t, I am warning you now, you could be in for trouble! Stop thinking you or your pastor know it all. Cos none of us does. Not even Paul did. That is what he wrote 1 Corinthians 13v12!

So be open to change. Learn to discern, which means to recognise Gods voice and ways. Know the enemy, also means yourself! This life is a fight. Romans 7v15-20. Don’t be deceived. It ain’t all covered by blanket or conversion prayer, it’s growing up! Becoming a warrior in Christ’s army. Showing this world that Christ is and He has won their freedom and healing. Nowhere does it say it’s all done at conversion. It’s a battle. You WILL face trials and temptations 1 Peter 5v8, James 1v2, John 16v33. So these preachers who say otherwise, talk BOLLOCKS! This life is a fight, hence the blasted armour!!

So don’t be afraid. Jesus has already won. But get that armour on and Stand. Which means wait. With that armour on. In battle mode. Ephesians 6 v 13 Cos it’s when we stand, that God looks down and says ‘BRILLIANT! Look guys! My Son/daughter, standing, armour on. And waiting for me. They don’t see Me coming yet, but they blasted well believe it. Ha ha! That’s my son/daughter. Now let’s go kick Satan’s arse!’

[rauliskafan]

A Hard Lesson in Miracles: Chapter 4

Authors’ Note: Merry Christmas Eve, excellent readers!!! As promised, here is Chapter 4. Rafael pays a visit to Liv... and his plans for the perfect gift hit a snag. Read on to see what happens next!!! @vintagemichelle91 and I hope that you enjoy!!!

“Hey! Long time no see!”

Carisi practically leaped from his seat and rushed towards Rafael. The detective seized hold of his hand vigorously, but suddenly stopped short.

“I… sorry,” he said. “I didn’t think… was that too much?”

“From you, Carisi?” Rafael quipped. “Always.” Still he shook the other man’s hand and returned his smile.

“What brings you by?” Carisi asked.

“Natalia wanted to make sure that you’re coming to dinner tonight.”

“Wouldn’t miss it!” Carisi beamed. “If she needs any help with the gravy, I can come by a little early.”

“My wife has the matter under control,” Rafael said, slapping Carisi’s back…

…and spying Rollins back at her desk. She turned her attention to her computer, trying to look busy. Rafael walked towards her and spied her blank screen.

“That’s some case you’re trying to crack,” he said. Rollins blushed and kicked away from her seat, her hands balled into fists at her sides.

“Sorry,” she said. “I really wasn’t trying to avoid you.”

“Funny because that’s exactly what it looked like,” Rafael said. 

Rollins shuffled her feet and nibbled on her bottom lip. This was as close as they had been since the night of his arrest, and he started to speak when Rollins got the first word.

“Sorry,” she repeated.

“That again?” he asked.

“You know what I’m getting at, Barba,” she said. “If I hadn’t been at Eve’s place, then maybe---”

“Cutter would have figured out another way,” Rafael said. “Man was out for a scapegoat.”

“Deck was stacked against us,” Rollins admitted. “But you paid the heavier price.”

He didn’t… couldn’t object. But had he to do it over again, he still would have made the move to protect her. And Dodds.

Naturally Natalia.

“Let’s hope for a better boss the third time around,” Rafael said.

“No one can be worse than Cutter,” Rollins said. “Or Ward.”

“Agreed.”

He felt the urge to hug her but just touched his hand to her cheek, his fingers tapping against her skin.

“So, we’ll see you tonight, too?” he asked.

Rollins blush brightened under the few tears she blinked back, and he accepted her hug, took some comfort in the fact that she had come through the other side of her own kind of hell. Another sign that the light at the end of the longest tunnel was within his reach.

“Be there with bells on,” Rollins said.

“Trevor said the same thing,” Rafael replied with a grin. “Lots of jingle jangle on the horizon.”

“Perfect time of year for it!” Carisi declared. Rafael watched them stand close, their voices mingling in low whispers. The picture seemed perfect, and his steps felt lighter as he knocked on the next door to cross his line of sight.

“Holding down the fort without me?”

Liv beckoned Rafael into her office and hugged him close even before she started to close the door, just leaving it cracked.

“Holding my own,” she assured him. “But of course, I’m counting the days until we get you back.”

Drawing in a deep breath, Rafael slumped into the chair before her desk, cracking his knuckles and lowering his eyes.

“Would be nice if there was any kind of word… one way or the other,” he admitted. “I don’t suppose that you’ve heard anything.”

“Sorry, Rafa,” she sadly confessed. “I can put some feelers out. Maybe speak to Bill and---”

“Don’t do that,” Rafael cautioned. “I’m sure he has his hands full with Mike. Any update on that?”

“Think he might be moving to OCCB,” Liv said.

“That’s where he’s landing?” Rafael remarked. “And his father is alright with that?”

“Bill thinks it could put him good with the FBI,” Liv said.

“The Chief is always thinking.”

“Don’t know if Mike is overjoyed,” Liv said.

“I can imagine.”

“But the way it stands, he’s not getting a say in his second chance.”

“Doesn’t bode well for me,” Rafael said.

“You’re going to land on your feet,” Liv promised, reaching across the desk to pat his wrist. They sat without speaking, his ear turned towards the slightly open door. He heard phones ringing and voices discussing the best way to follow a lead, who to bring in as a witness. Would he ever get back to this world?

“As long as you’re not thinking of playing for the other side,” Liv carefully commented.

“Come on,” he said, his lips curling into a smirk. “Just because I have an itch doesn’t mean I’m going to scratch until my skin’s raw.”

“Glad to hear it,” she said with a little laugh, reclining back in her seat and folding her arms across her chest. “But awkward metaphors aside---”

“Are you suddenly not a fan of my wordplay?” he challenged.

“Now you come on,” she said. “Got enough of your back catalog in my brain for a long car trip.”

“Pleasure to keep you company,” he said, seeing her roll her eyes before she narrowed her stare.

“The jokes aside, how are you holding up?”

“Fine, I…”

His voice trailed off, and he left his seat. Pacing the room and lingering at the window, Rafael wondered if it was all a pipe dream, if his days defeating the defense were nothing more than a piece of the past.

“Maybe it’s better that I see you with this,” he finally said, his long fingers surrounding the visitor’s pass.

“No,” Liv said. “Not your best look.”

“You are on a roll today, Lieutenant,” he scoffed.

“Rafael, I’m not asking if you’ll blow the world away the next time you face a jury. Because that much is true.”

“Have you been talking to my wife?” he asked.

“Not about this,” Liv swore. “If we’re on this same wavelength, it’s because we both know you that well. But I’m not talking to the ADA right now.”

Standing slowly, she slid to his side and gently grabbed his shoulder.

“I’m talking to my friend,” she stressed. “How is everything else? Is there anything that you need to talk about?”

What could he say? He was happy in the townhouse with Natalia, happy in their bed as they wrapped presents and she cuddled against his chest night after night. But in his mind, something was missing. His wife would never say… maybe she truly didn’t see a problem.

“I… let’s just say that I want to be Natalia’s husband again. Not just her… roommate.”

The words sounded pathetic as soon as they dripped off his tongue, and a part of him was ready for Liv to take his hands and soothe him with a few sweet words when she slapped his shoulder.

“Rafael, she hardly thinks of you like that.”

With her hands on her hips, Liv lifted both eyebrows and waited. Something in her stare… so much in the sound of her speech made his face flush.

“Of course, you’re right,” he said.

“I always am,” Liv answered. “Haven’t you learned that much by now?”

“How could I not when you tell everyone as much all the time?”

He was ready for her to look annoyed, a retort lying in wait at the back of his throat when she laughed and touched his arms.

“Just hurry up and get back here so I can keep telling you,” Liv said.

“Maybe a New Year’s resolution.”

“Good plan.”

She poured out two cups of coffee, and they sat again, talking about Noah’s presents and his gifts for the girls.

“So no hippos this year?” Liv asked.

“Bite your tongue,” Rafael said. “Violetta could share Harold.”

“Poor Hazel and Holly!”

Shifting in his seat he started to speak when his phone pinged.

“Hold on a sec…” Reading the words on the screen, his heart splintered before sinking in his chest.

“What’s up?” Liv worriedly asked. “Bad news?”

“Of all things…”

Saying nothing else, he turned his phone to Liv, and she retrieved her glasses to read the message.

“Dear Mr. Barba. We regret to inform you that Katie’s Kandy Kastle is unable to deliver---”

“Can you believe it?” Rafael snarled, stuffing the phone in his pocket.

“That you’re buying something from the KKK?” Liv quipped. “Never in a billion years.”

“Cute,” Rafael sneered. “It’s a place in Connecticut. Natalia loved their chocolates as a child. Alessia told me…. Alessia!”

He dialed his mother-in-law quickly. Again. And again.

“Why the hell isn’t she picking up?” Rafael asked.

“Probably because Brenna Harker wanted to see the show at Radio City. Trevor got tickets. And it’s a brave new world when Odafin Tutuola goes to watch the March of the Wooden Soldiers.”

“Fine,” Rafael said. “I’ll head there on my own.” His fingers frantically tapped at his keypad. He would take the failed delivery in his own hands so he could present Natalia with candies topped with spun sugar and…

“Oh, come on!”

“This our new catchphrase or what?” Liv asked.

“It’s not showing up on my GPS,” he angrily growled. “How the hell…?”

Leaving Liv’s office, he couldn’t help but look for Carisi and Rollins. Nowhere to be found. He turned back to Liv, and she looked ready to help when her phone rang.

“Liv? Please don’t tell me that---”

“Rafael, I’m sorry,” she said. “Lucy’s family is in early. She told me this might happen.”

“But how am I supposed to find this place?”

“I’m sorry,” she repeated, hurrying back into her office for her coat. “I can get you a squad car if that would---”

“So I can stumble blindly solo towards a place that mattered to my wife as a little girl?”

“Bet there’s someone else who could help you with that,” Liv said. “Make the right call, and I’ll see you tonight with that perfect gift in hand.”

He was on the verge of flailing his arms in the air, begging Liv to clarify the statement when her words clicked. Maybe they hadn’t actually grown up together, but there was someone who might know the way, and he dialed her number without another thought.

“Hey. I know you don’t want to talk to me but---”

“How many times are we going to do this dance?”

“You’re the pro. You tell me.”

He could see Maggie’s furrowed brow in his mind’s eye and had to smile as she continued her protest.

“I don’t care what you have to say. I can’t just show up there tonight and---”

“Mike is.”

He paused on the busy city street, hearing Maggie’s heavy side before she spoke again.

“He’s nicer than me,” Maggie said.

“I don’t buy that,” Rafael said. “Where are you?”

“Well I’m just leaving---”

“Can you meet me at the squad? Do you have a car?”

“Like I don’t have anything better to do?” Maggie barked. There was a time where he would have called her out for taking advantage while living under his roof. Such a short span of seconds. Even before blood was a part of the bargain, Maggie became family. And all that had happened aside…

“Please, Maggie. I need your help.”

He waited, clutching his phone, until she finally sighed.

“I’m on my way, counselor.”

[welcome-to-afterlife]

Drunk Youseff, Kirr, and Noah headcanons please! Thanks!

Sorry if this is not accurate or ooc, since I've never seen anyone get drunk (forget drinking it lol). I'm going what I've read and watching in movies lol.

📚 Youssef enjoys a good drink from time to time. I doubt he drank often (since he was constantly working on his cases), but he'd drink whenever he won a case and someone invited him to bar for a celebration. Although he enjoys fancier alcohol (champagne and wine), a good vodka can work wonders. He has a has a medium alcohol tolerance. Given his height, it does take a little bit more booze to get him wasted.

📚 Nevertheless, when he does get wasted, there's not much of a difference. Out of everyone in this request, drunk Youssef is most like his regular self. The only difference is that he's got a lot less energy. Yes, I imagine that Youssef is a sleepy drunk. By default, his eyes are halfway closed. He sits and watches everyone else in the bar, toying with the empty shot glass in his hand. There's not a lot for him to say-- a chuckle or two whenever someone does a stupid party trick. It's almost melancholic, but Youssef isn't sad. He's just more subdued, the craziness unfold before him. Maybe he'll join if someone persuades him, but he's fine on his own.

📚 He's a bit of a romantic! Youssef is likely to confess his love to someone, pulling together an eloquent speech that could move anyone's heart. However, it's difficult to tell whether his flushed cheeks are from the alcohol or whether it's from his feelings. It dosen't help that his soft smile is more beautiful than the moonlight that reflects against his hair. And the dreamy look in his eyes is enough to make anyone fall into his arms. But it's not him being flirty or anything, it's just his true feelings poking through-- the ones that he's unsure of when he's sober.

📚 It's the best time for him to write poetry or record a stream of consciousness. The world is so much easier to describe when he strips away the logic and complexities behind it. Sometimes it's something sweet about the manager. Other times he's expressing his regret for the things he couldn't do in his life. Nevertheless, he usually writing his thoughts on a napkin or his arm. While it's probably going to be lost in the trash or smudged away, it's definitely worth the read.

🏹 Kirr didn't drink a lot of alcohol while he was alive. He didn't like the idea of not being control of his actions, which would give his enemies the perfect opening to attack him. Besides, alcohol was a great disinfectant-- he used it whenever he and his brother had gotten larger wounds. However, the Otherworld doesn't have such threats, so he doesn't object when he's invited for a drink (but he's still on edge).

🏹 Now hear me out. It would make sense for Kirr to stay the exact same (or even more defensive), but imagine Kirr as a soft drunk! There's something about the buzz of alcohol that makes his cheeks warm, allowing himself to become more vulnerable. He was safe from the snow and bloodshed-- he was safe from death. His harsh stares straight face are replaced with cute giggles and large grins. Everyone is shocked by the sudden change, but no one is really mad about. After all, when was the last time you saw Kirr sing like a schoolgirl?

🏹 He triples his intake of sweets. Somehow, chocolate tastes good now that his brain couldn't how sweet it was. In fact, it was so good that he'd like to order an extra large chocolate milkshake with chocolate sauce and chocolate whipped cream. Make sure to have chocolate chips as the topping, or he might actually jump behind the counter and take them himself.

🏹 He's a big hugger! It might be the fact that Kirr has such difficulty expressing his feelings towards everyone, but alcohol gives him that extra kick to put his affection out there. He often goes for surprise bear hugs, which initially scares everyone because they think he's choking them. But when they see his cheesy grin and the melodic tune in his voice, they can't help but wish that Kirr was always this friendly.

📸 Noah is an occasional drinker. While he doesn't go out of his way to grab a beer, having a drink with his friends is a nice way to hang out. Besides, he can drink quite a bit before getting drunk. In fact, June saw him take 10 shots and be completely normal. How does he have such a high tolerance? No one's really sure, but it's another quality on everyone's "Why Noah is Amazing" list.

📸 But maybe it's for the better that he doesn't get drunk. In fact, Noah often avoids being completely wasted-- with good reason. You know how Noah has two sides? The "sweet boy" side and the "I'm going to butcher you with a cheese stick" side? Well, when Noah gets drunk, he's a lot more likely to be on the second side. He's a lot more gutsy and rude-- probably just letting out all the steam from his mind. After all, he's always wanted to tell Kati to buzz off, so here's his chance.

📸 Noah doesn't have to worry about being invisible when he's wasted. He's much louder and has no problem with making backhanded comments. It's nothing new, it's just stuff that he bottles up when he's sober. His tongue is a lot more free, but so are his fists. However, he's not proud of it and tries his best to stay self-aware (which is difficult when your mind had gone hayware).

📸 Has probably gotten into a few brawls while drunk. He's definitely going to throw hands if someone calls him a boot-licker or insults him based on his past. There's a 80% chance that he wins the brawl (and looks hella awesome doing it), but there's a 100% chance that he's going to be cause some damage and be kicked out, so Noah needs to have a drinking babysitter buddy if he's planning to get drunk.

[all-alone-he-turns-to-stone]

Family Don’t End with Blood

Summary: Stiles discovered his mom’s family side might not be just normal hunters. They’re actually Campbell, but the only remaining family are his cousin, two Winchester, Sam and Y/N. Stiles decided to go look for them but not just to meet them. He wishes to make them understand not all monster do monstrous things.

Crossover of: Teen Wolf and Supernatural

Paring: Stiles x Lydia, Scott x Kira

Requested by: @horsiegirl998

Word count: 2254

A/N: I took too long to post this, I’m so sorry I’m a very bad person. But I never got satisfied with it. It stayed finished and untouched for a couple of days or weeks and I don’t want to touch it more. I think it’s the best I could do with this story. I still hope y’all like it! The reader is the female version of Dean Winchester, as requested and none of the gifs are mine.

“ Who is it?” A curious boy wearing a red hoodie and black jeans asked his father by pointing at an old yellowed photograph he had found in a dusty photo album shortly before. It was the spring cleaning.

“Ah,” his father answered by dropping the boxes he held in his hands to get closer to his son. Noah’s eyes settled at the spot where Stiles’ forefinger pointed and nostalgia invaded his sweet gaze. “It’s your mother’s family,” he finally answered, sitting down beside him. He pointed at each of the people in the picture. “Claudia’s mother, Deanna, her father, Samuel, and here’s her sister, Mary,” Noah continued sighing, a little sad smile on his lips.

“They look happy …” Stiles commented, having the same nostalgic look as his father. “Were they all Campbell?” The curious boy asked.

“Yes,” the sheriff continued. “Claudia was a Campbell before we married, as you know. Mary was her older sister. If I remember correctly, she married a man named … John … John something. His family name is quite special, a gun name… ”

“Winchester?” Stiles offered and his father slapped his fingers as he recognized the name.

“ Yes! And they had two kids, a girl and a boy, Y / N and Sam. ”

“I hope they’re happy,” Stiles commented, imagining the whole family gathered at a Christmas party.

“Unfortunately a tragedy hit them…” Noah continued and Stiles raised his head, his eyes now sad. “Mary died when Sam was six months, it made the newspapers. John raised his kids alone until his death in 2006 or 2007. ”

“But … my cousins, are they alive? ”

“At the last news, yes. But since John died, I haven’t get any news from them. And now that I think about it …” The sheriff mumbled for himself as he got up, massaging his few days beard. Greedy of his words, Stiles stood up as well to follow his father’s footsteps who circled in the room, lost in his thoughts.

“ Yes?” Stiles tried, licking his lips with impatience to know what would happen next.

“Claudia told me she came from a hunter family. At the time I thought they were hunting deer… but now that I know for the supernatural, I wonder… ”

“You wonder …” Stiles began, knowing what was coming.

“The things they were hunting were perhaps not only deer.”

“Okay, so you say: not only do you have cousins ​​you didn’t even know before, but maybe they’re hunters too? ”

“No, I said surely hunters, there’s a difference, Lydia,” Stiles corrected his girlfriend by raising a finger in front of him to defend his point.

“Whatever,” the strawberry blonde muttered, rolling her eyes.

“If they’re really hunters … they may want to … well, you know, hunt us?” Kira asked in a small, uncertain voice behind them.

“That’s exactly why we should go,” Stiles continued. “Knowing I am their cousins, they should listen to me, right? And they’ll see we’re not dangerous. ”

“So, if I summarize,” Scott spoke for the first time since the start of the meeting. “You want to find your cousins ​​who don’t even know you exist and who are maybe …” Scott stopped when he saw Stiles’ expression, his hands raised, outraged, “surely, hunters hoping they don’t kill us, to kindly ask them not to kill all the nice wolves and other creatures who live in Beacon Hills and to help us if we ever need help? ”

“Exactly,” Stiles replied, an immense smile stamped on his face.

Wanting to find the Winchester was one thing, finding them was quite another. The hunters were known to be discreet and never leave a trace. Fortunately, the pack had a very useful element for research: Stiles’ cousins ​​were driving a showy car. A black 1967 Chevy impala. Hearing the name of the car, Stiles had jumped, excited. He loved cars and was eager to see the vintage model.

Finally, with somewhat reliable information, the pack got to San Fransisco, where the hunters were last seen. The jeep traveled the city’s roads for most of the day and the passengers on board were getting hungry, so it was decided to stop in a small restaurant on the roadside. Everyone ordered something, Stiles hesitated between bad food and health, and opted for both, commanding a salad and French fries in accompaniment. Scott took a cheeseburger and Kira picked the same thing. After rolling her eyes, Lydia decided on a club sandwich.

While they were eating, very quiet, the brilliant body of an unusual car attracted the attention of Stiles. It was his mouth full of French fries that he exclaimed incomprehensible words before rushing out of the restaurant, running toward the vintage car.

“Son of a bitch!” Echoed on the table behind them. Someone was obviously unhappy that a hyperactive boy seemed to be interested in this car and soon the pack left their meal to join their friend.

“Wow!” Stiles kept repeating by turning around the car, totally impressed.

"Get yourself away from my baby!” A harsh, female voice rang out behind Stiles, who stepped back with his hands in the air.

“I’m sorry I only wanted to watch, uhhh, admire the beauty of this rare and quite magnificent specimen!” Stiles stammered without taking his breath and those words seemed to calm the girl because her face relaxed.

"Yes I agree, it’s a beautiful model,” she commented, giving Stiles a boost of energy.

“Chevy Impala 1967, the most beautiful model was made that year.”

“I totally agree,” the girl mumbled with a smirk. “This beauty is called Baby. ”

“ Oh! Me, my car … it’s not as luxurious as yours, of course, but it has tremendous sentimental value,” Stiles continued as he pointed his jeep. “Roscoe was given to me by my mother before she …” He didn’t finish his sentence, his eyes sad.

“My father gave me this car. He had entrusted it to me before he left and was never able to recover it because he died too,” the girl confessed to him. “The important thing is not the cash value of the car, but the sentimental one."

“I totally agree,” Stiles smiled.

Stiles was so focused on talking about his passion that he didn’t notice the man who had arrived near the girl shortly before, nor his friends behind them. He only noticed that something was wrong when Scott began to gesticulate in all directions by pointing at the two people and then the car.

“Oh Lord,” he jumped, staring at the two people in front of him, the girl wearing a leather jacket and another green jacket underneath and the man wearing a plaid shirt. “You are my cousins!"

“What?” The man finally spoke.

"Sam and Y / N Winchester!” You are the children of my mom’s sister! “

"Mom had a sister?” Y / N asked his brother by raising an eyebrow under Sam’s confused look.

Stiles rushed and showed the famous picture.

“Well! Nice to meet you, cousin …? ”

“Stiles!” He exclaimed, shaking Y / N’s hand, then Sam’s. "It’s super important I need to talk to you about something!” “

"Did you go all the way to talk to us?” Sam asked.

“Well to meet you too, you are my family and I don’t have much left …”

“I see …” Y / N mumbled. “At the moment we don’t have much time but …”

“ It’s urgent!” Stiles jumped up and down. "I must know what sort of hunter you are!”

“What my hyperactive boyfriend tries to say,” Lydia stepped forward to try to calm Stiles by placing her hands on his shoulders. “It’s if you’re a simple deer hunter or something else.” The redhead accentuated the pronunciation of the words.

"Ah,” Y / N sighed. “That’s the something else,” she replied, imitating Lydia.

“So we really need to talk,” Scott insisted, also taking a step forward, followed by Kira.

Y / N pointed in turn to the friends of Stiles.

“Have you brought all your friends?”

“That’s what we should talk about …”

“Y / N,” Sam started looking at his cell phone. “We have to go before there’s another kill.”

“Kill…?” Stiles blinked.

“Let’s go hunting a psychopathic ghost,” Y / N smiled as she walked toward the impala. “We’ll talk after. Hey, what about you all come with us! ”

“Y / N …” Sam groaned, discontented by her proposal.

“ What. Stiles is a Campbell. He has to learn one way or another. You come, you look and you stay away. Everything’s gonna be fine, Sam."

“We follow you!” Stiles hastened to answer as he got into the jeep, ready to follow them.

It was probably a very bad idea to follow them in order to find themselves deprived in front of an empty old house and probably full of new species of insects that no one wanted to discover. And above all ghosts. Since when did ghosts exist? Y / N had clearly specified not to enter the house. Stay ahead, wait, that’s it. Sam had convinced her it was too dangerous. But the pack of Beacon Hills doesn’t know the word danger and Stiles is known for his unhealthy curiosity. That’s why, when bored to wait, the hyperactive young person suddenly decided to go inside without saying anything. Lydia called, but in vain and Scott sighed, giving instructions to follow him before the poor man managed to hurt himself alone.

It was so dark in the house despite the light filtering through the holes and broken windows. Stiles felt the need to be reassured and grabbed his phone to get some light. Each of his steps made the floor squish under his feet, making him grimace as he passed.

Then suddenly and without warning, a shrill sound made him jump. Stiles turned just in time to see a rather large and imposing piece of furniture rushing at him at full speed, probably killing him on the spot. His breathing cut in his lungs and he held out his hands in front of him for the unnecessary purpose of protecting himself, but he didn’t need it. A scream tore the silence in front of him, scream he recognized and when he opened his eyes he saw Lydia not far away, her hands placed in front of her, her hair falling around her face. The furniture, as for it, was in a thousand pieces against the wall. She had just saved him again.

“Lydia …” Stiles muttered, still trembling at what had just happened.

“The next time you are told not to come in, do not go in!” The redhead sermon him before taking him in her arms, relieving to have intervened in time.

“What was that?” A female voice rang behind them. Y / N had seen everything.

And she didn’t seem happy at all.

The ghost had been defeated. Sam had burnt the object attaching him to earth and everyone was now in the restaurant, the same one where they had met to pass to the confession.

“So that’s what we wanted to talk to you about …” Scott started, as a leader. Ashamed, Stiles kept his head down and was holding Lydia’s hand under the table.

“It’s a banshee,” Y / N grunted as she stared at Lydia, who swung her head to the side before answering.

“Yes. I predict death. Something against?”

“We’ve already faced a banshee,” Sam spoke. “Let’s say she didn’t give us a very good first impression.” He finished by glancing at his sister who rolled her eyes as she took a bite out of her hamburger.

“Lydia never hurt anyone,” Stiles defended the girl he loved. “And that’s not everything.” He took a deep breath before continuing. "Scott is a werewolf. And Kira a kitsune. A lot of supernatural creatures live in Beacon Hills without ever caused any problems. Most live in fear of hunters and spend their lives hiding. That’s why I’ve been looking for you everywhere. To ask you not to hunt the people of Beacon Hills and… ”

“On many occasions we let creatures go. The one I think most about was this girl, Kate, a werewolf.” Sam began by laying down his fork. "I understand your point, Stiles. But if a job involves this city, it will be our duty to come and see what happens… ”

“But …” Stiles tried but got interrupted.

“…In order to protect the innocents of other hunters,” Sam finished with a smile. They were going to protect the town from other hunters. Everyone at the table sighed in relief, then Sam turned to Y / N who was quiet and staring at her hamburger. Her eyes squinted as if she was trying to find the secret of the universe.

“Y / N?”

“What the hell is a kitsune?”

The rest of the evening was spent with laughs and jokes. Stiles and his cousins ​​exchanged phone numbers and they promised to drop everything to come and help Beacon Hills if the need arose. After enjoying a good cherry pie under the wide-eyed Y / N, it was the farewells. A few hugs, goodbyes and the pack returned to Beacon Hills, satisfied and relieved. The impala grumbled, heading to their next destination: Illinois, Chicago, with a background music that good old Warrant was and the scraper voice of Y / N singing over the singer as a bonus.

[dailyaudiobible]

11/28/2017 DAB Transcript

Daniel 5:1-31, 2 Peter 2:1-22, Psalms 119:113-128, Proverbs 28:19-20

Today is the 28th day of November. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian and, like always, it's wonderful to have this opportunity to be together for a few minutes as we take the next step forward into our adventure through the Bible this year. And, right now, the path is leading us through the book of Daniel, and through second Peter in the New Testament. This week we’re reading from the contemporary English Version and we begin with Daniel chapter 5 verses 1 through 31.

Commentary:

Alright. In second Peter today we have a bit of a tirade against false prophets. And our understanding of prophet in this day and age is often tied to a person who predicts the future. But here we’re more appropriately talking about a person commissioned and sent by God to speak on his behalf. And, so, sometimes this is translated, false teachers. So, a person claiming to be commissioned and sent by God to speak on his behalf, but it's not true, it's false. And there was plenty of this going on. A lot of people were saying a lot of things for a lot of reasons about the faith. Before we dive into this, I think an important distinction needs to be made, because we can read passages in the Scripture like this and get the impression that we can’t ask any questions because we've seen a lot of that in our time. Anyone who asks questions that might mess with our tidy little box of assumptions can be labeled a false prophet, a false teacher, simply for posing questions or asking them. And I don’t think that’s the same thing and I don't think that's fair. I ask questions constantly. I ask questions of the Bible. I ask questions of the Lord every single day of my life, simply because I want to know the answers and you probably due too. That's not what we’re talking about here in second Peter. Peter is being very forceful about people who are claiming to speak on behalf of God, who have come to faith in Christ and then have begun to or have completely turned away from some of our all of the core essentials of the Christian faith and are leading people to do the same thing. And Peter has little tolerance for this. And, so, to quote him, ‘these teachers don't really belong to the master who paid a great price for them and they will quickly destroy themselves. Many people will follow their evil ways and cause others to tell lies about the true way.’ And, so, we’re pretty clear what he's talking about and what he's saying is, this is not going to work for those people, in fact, it's going to go quite badly for them in the end. And then he goes on to give some examples of what that will look like, and he uses the examples of rebellious angels in heaven, the wicked and ungodly people in Noah's time, and the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. So, we could all agree, that's not a good time and that's not a trajectory to aim your life in. And then Peter tells us what's going on. Right? What the behavior is that he's so upset about. And it's here that we have the opportunity to look into our own lives to see if any of this is going on with us. These people, Peter says, ‘speak evil of things they don't know anything about. They have done evil, and they will be rewarded with evil. Their immoral and the meals they eat with your spoiled by the shameful and selfish way they carry on. All they think about is having sex with someone else's spouse’. Right? So, in other words, they are consumed with lust. ‘They trick people who are easily fooled and their minds are filled with greedy thoughts, but they are headed for trouble. They have left the true road and have gone down the wrong path by following the example of the prophet, Balaam’, which is a reference to unrighteous behavior for personal gain. ‘These people’, Peter says, ‘are like dried up waterholes and clouds blown by a windstorm. They brag out loud about their stupid nonsense and by being vulgar and crude they trap people who have barely escaped from living the wrong kind of life. They promise freedom to everyone, but they are merely slaves of filthy living because people are slaves of whatever controls them.’ And there’ something to put in your pocket carry around today. I am a slave of whatever I let control me. And it is here in this last paragraph that we read today that Peter shows us what happened to these people and where that road is going. He says, ‘when they learned about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ they escaped from the filthy things of this world, but they are again caught up and controlled by these filthy things. And now they are in worse shape than they were at first. They would've been better off if they had never known about the right way, because even after they knew what was right, they turn their backs on the holy commandments that they were given. And that is like a dog coming back to lick up its own vomit.’ Alright, this is pretty poignant, and this is pretty direct, this imagery that Peter's using to describe what it's like to know the truth, have tasted the goodness, and then turn around and walk back into the filth of a former life. So, I imagine that most of us have at least been around a dog. I guess I've been around dogs most my life in one way or another and I've watched them do this. Right? Haven't you. Dog goes out into the yard, has to poop, and can barely finish before they have to turn around and smell that nice steamy pile of waste. You're out walking your dog, they’re smelling every mailbox, but if they can come around some other dog poop, oh, that's just a treasure and they smell that and maybe even eat it. Dog is sick, pukes on the ground, pukes in the kitchen, and they might give it a nice whiff and even lap it up. I know, I mean I know that's gross, I know what I said is his disgusting, and I said it frankly because it's disgusting to go back to a former life after the beauty of the presence of God. It's like puking in a bowl and then eating it like soup. Sometimes understanding something starkly can shake us away to what we’re doing. And when we realize what we’re doing it explains a lot about the shape our life is in. To turn away from the narrow path that leads to life and go back and try to resurrect a life that is no longer a part of our story is like walking into a gas station bathroom, seeking out toilet that has been backed up for days, hoping to ladle out some of that filth into a Styrofoam cup so that we can go back to our car and drink it down. That is what it is like to try to resurrect the corpse of who we were before Christ. That is what it is like to wander into territory that will only lead us away from our union with God and the intimate collaboration in life that we've begun with Him. And that helps us understand the context of so many of the books of prophecy that we've read and are reading, when God is exasperated and essentially saying, why would you choose this over me? Why would you choose sewage over the banquet I have prepared for you?

Prayer:

Father, those are questions that have no valid answers. They never have. And we’re all guilty of this. And we’re all humbled at the starkness of what we’re doing. And, once again, we are called to repentance, we are called to change from within. And this can only happen with our surrender and Your participation. And, so, together we pray the ancient prayer of repentance, most merciful God, we confess that we have sinned against You in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done, and by what we have left undone. We have not loved You with our whole heart. We have not loved our neighbor as ourselves. We are truly sorry and we humbly repent. In Your mercy, forgive what we have been, help us to amend what we are, and direct what we will be, that we may do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with You, our God. Amen.

Announcements:

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If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible here as we move toward the end of the year, you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com. There's a link on the homepage. If you prefer the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Springhill Tennessee 37174.

And as always, if you have a prayer request or comment 877-942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Song:

O God Forgive Us ​for KING & COUNTRY https://youtu.be/tz4toSf-xQU

Lyrics 

We've prayed the prayer with no reply

Words float off into the night

Couldn't cut our doubt with the sharpest knife

O, O God forgive us

Silence isn't comfortable

We want drive through peace and instant hope

Our shallow faith it has left us broke

O, O God forgive us

O, O God forgive us

 A slave to our uncertainty

Help us with our unbelief

O, O God forgive us

 Young and old, black and white

We're rich and poor, there's no divide

Hear the mighty, hear the powerless, singing

O, O God forgive us

O, O God forgive us

 A slave to our uncertainty

Help us with our unbelief

O, O God forgive us

With our white flag sailing in the night

Eyes pointed to the sky

Hands up and open wide, open wide

With our white flag sailing in the night

Eyes pointed to the sky

Hands up and open wide, open wide

With our white flag sailing in the night

Eyes pointed to the sky

Hands up and open wide, open wide

With our white flag sailing in the night

Eyes pointed to the sky

Hands up and open wide, open wide

 O, O God forgive us

A slave to our uncertainty

Help us with our unbelief

O, O God forgive us

[goneshe]

Five times kissed - misguidcdghosts for Audrey. Even tho we haven’t actually done anything with them yet 😂😂 but we’ve discussed and rlly it’s everything SO

five times kissed // accepting // @misguidcdghosts​ (for audrey)

one: scream!au

“oh my gosh, it’s you.”

at first, audrey wanted to sigh. having people from in and out of town come in here and exclaim something like ‘it’s you!’ when they saw her behind the counter had gotten really old, really fast. in fact, it was tiring her out and pissing her off. she was sick of getting treated like a damn zoo exhibit just because she survived two murder sprees.

she really wanted to put piper and kieran (they’re both dead, those movies are over, roll the credits and leave the freakin’ theatre!) behind her and she couldn’t do that when—

“you’re the one didi writes poetry about.”

—wait, what?  

the tiny indian girl - audrey estimated her age to be around fourteen - had a toothy smile that could rival the sun and big, brown eyes. the red haired girl next to her, all blue eyes, freckles and scrapes on her arms, rolled her eyes: “sorry about madhavi. ever since her older sister broke up with her boyfriend and it didn’t work out with a family friend, she’s obsessed with playing match-maker.”

it was a slow day and so far, those two had been one of the few costumers of the day so audrey could indulge them. for once.

“don’t worry,” madhavi beamed at her, “she likes your butt and your fancy hair. i’ve read it in her diary!”

that was, apparently, the redhead’s cue to tightly grasp her friend’s hand in hers and swipe the tickets off the counter with her other hand: “oookaaaay, that’s about it! we’re just here to see descendants two, madhu, not to start a dating service! c’mon, let’s go!”

“but georgette!” madhu whined while her friend dragged her away from the counter. “georgie!”

audrey chuckled to herself when she heard the redhead - georgie - huff: “lilo and stitch, really?” and called after them, just in case they didn’t know or forgot: “it’s the first door on your left!”

georgette was the one who called back while madhu sulked: “thank you!”

one hour later, the door chimed again. audrey briefly looked up from refilling the popcorn machine before continuing with the task at hand while her blue eyes occasionally flitted from the popcorn machine and the huge bag in her hand to the girl.

the girl that walked in was, without a doubt, madhu’s older sister. she had the same brown eyes, warm like her favorite quilt, except audrey had seen a penchant for mischief in madhu’s eyes earlier and there was none of that to be found in the eyes of the kid’s sister.

audrey’s heart lurched painfully as she thought of rachel and gina. one dead, the other out of her life completely.

(while she understood where gina’s fear and the way she reacted to that fear came from, she’d been tired of constantly having to justify why she spent time with emma and brooke. so they had broken up a few months ago, which was…something gina hadn’t expected.)

what if the same thing happened to other girls she would ever date? what if things wouldn’t work out?what if they, too, would die because of her? fuck, those thoughts made her sick to her stomach.

the girl had moved to sit down on the nearest chair, effectively snapping audrey out of her thoughts. the girl had been looking at her, concern written all over her face. audrey stopped filling up the popcorn machine and promptly hauled the huge bag back towards the storage room.

“you’re early, the movie’s done in about fifteen minutes.”

it’s not at all what audrey wanted to say when she came back to the counter but she couldn’t stand the silence. the girl didn’t seem to have that problem, up until audrey spoke, she’d been softly singing along to dua lipa’s thinking about you.

brown eyes met blue and the girl blushed but flashed audrey a warm smile nevertheless.

“well yeah,” said the girl, “that’s true but i’d rather be too early than too late anyway.”

the last time she flirted with someone during work was the time haley stayed behind when she worked the graveyard shift and then haley decided to pull a prank on her and because of that haley’s idiot of an accomplice got stabbed, audrey knew, but was it too late to quip about how she also knew that the slender fingers that were currently tapping along to the beat of a new song also wrote poetry?

“i’ve got a thing for you.”

audrey’s head snapped back towards her so fast it was a miracle she didn’t get a whiplash.

a million things ran through audrey’s head ranging from a flirty that’s forward of you to a surprised wow and okay and somehow none of these things made it past the lump in her throat.

“in, uh, the literal sense of the word,” added the girl quietly as she got up and walked towards the counter. oh. with a strangely deflated feeling in her chest, audrey briefly glanced away while the girl rummaged through the pockets of her jacket and fished out a small envelope.

she slid it over the counter. their hands briefly touched. audrey took the small envelope, which brought a grin back to her face. “that’s adorable.” she tucked the envelope into the pocket of her jeans and tried to ignore how much her heart hammered in her chest from just that simple touch.

“i try,” chuckled the girl as audrey willed herself to look into her eyes instead of at her lips. “i hope you’ll like it.”

audrey was going to say something else but the door chimed once more and other costumers came in while the door on the far left opened and a lot of parents, older siblings and kids made their way towards the door.

“is your name didi, by any chance?” audrey asked quickly because ever since she met her kid sister, the question’s been eating at her.

“no,” the girl grinned now, all teeth and gentle eyes filled with mirth. “it’s mohini, but mo is the nickname most people know me by. didi means older sister in hindi.”

and that was as far as their conversation went: audrey had to help the other costumers and mo saw georgie and madhu in the crowd and quickly waved them over, asking them if they had fun. georgie nodded: “evie was so pretty!” madhu was quick to agree, “so was uma!”

mo glanced at a very busy audrey for the last time and then steered the two girls towards the door.

later, when audrey came home, half exhausted but also exhilarated, she changed out of her work clothes and into something more comfortable. the tiny envelope had fallen to the floor and audrey picked it up. her mouth was dry when she opened it and her fingers shook.

she walks, draped in moonlight, with the kind of grace i could never possess.eyes as blue as the sea and skies combined, i must confess, keep me up at night.her smile shines just as bright as the sun. yet her name, i know it not.

there’s a lot of things that i don’t know about you and there are plenty that i want to ask, should we ever meet again, but until that moment, i’ve written a list for you about the things you may want to know about me:

1) as stated before, i’m mohini banerjee. most, if not all, people call me mo.2) i really do want to get to know you better.3) i think that you’re the most beautiful person i’ve ever seen.4) this is my number, call me if you’re interested. or if you need a friend and just want to hang out. i swear, i won’t send you any cat memes either way.5) i’m in a band and i’m the bassist.6) i can’t draw smileys. i can’t draw at all, actually.7) i’m sorry, i got distracted by the mere thought of you and the way you make sarcasm seem like art; this poem started off strong but ended up all over the place :P

before she fell asleep, audrey saw that the poem was signed and sealed with a kiss.

come morning, however, audrey would wake up to a text from an unknown number: how cute, says the first one, maybe i should cut off her fingers one by one, says the second text, so she’ll never write for you again.

two: harry potter!au

mo’s breath caught her throat the moment slughorn revealed the batch of amortentia to the class. shit, shit, shit shit. she’s always been more susceptible to potions that can alter one’s emotional state.

what a ravenclaw she was. had mo not gotten lost in a daze of mangoes, fresh books and leather jackets, she would have laughed at herself.

she knew how amortentia worked, after all. she knew how the potion managed to get such a visceral reaction from everyone. her parents worked as potioneers when they still lived in india. she’s been around them from day one. then they relocated to the uk and mr. and mrs. banerjee started a grocery store for wizards and witches and wixens.

“mohini,” audrey’s voice cut through the daze like a sharp knife and it was only then that mo became aware of the slytherin’s hand on her shoulder. “c’mon, the lesson ended ten minutes ago.”

her eyes cut from audrey’s concerned face, back to the cauldron. “you’re super pretty,” breathed the oldest banerjee, “even when you’re worried.” rationally, mo supposed that she could understand why audrey had been worried but really, the potion smelled so nice…

“no, no, no,” audrey grabbed her by the hand now, “no more potion sniffing for you. let’s go.”

the pull of the potion lessened the more steps they took away from the dungeons. after a while, mo let go of audrey’s hand, who asked if she was all right for the final time and when mo nodded, audrey bid her adieu and went over to one brooke maddox - gryffindor extraordinaire - who had been waving at her short haired friend.

mo herself retreated back to the common room. or at least she wanted to but then imagined that she could run into rajiv kumar and noah foster (who had been an infamous hatstall between hufflepuff and ravenclaw) and promptly turned around, heading for the owlery.

she didn’t see audrey until dinner that evening. which was a good thing; it had given mo plenty of time to freak out, calm herself down and freak out once again when she told the story to her bandmates. it was olivia, emma duval’s niece, who gently told her that she ought to thank her.

if it hadn’t been for audrey, who knows what would have happened, right?

so here she was, walking towards the slytherin table which was dotted with red, yellow and blue as well; the rules about sitting at your own table? bullshit. according to them, anyway.

“um, audrey?” man, mo hated how pathetic she sounded. even to her own ears!

audrey was in the middle of telling or re-telling a story to noah but turned around at the sound of her voice: “what’s up?”

“i wanted to thank you. y’know, for back there,” mo inclined her head towards the dungeons.

noah arched an eyebrow as mo continued: “i mean, if i stood there for a moment longer, well…” she heard what mo had blurted out, hadn’t she? “…i just wanted to say thanks.” and before she lost her nerve, mo stepped closer, around the table, and kissed audrey on the cheek.

three: the tomorrow people au

“audrey, we just had a new breakout,” cara told the girl who was currently lounging on one of the many couches in the lair, an old and abandoned subway station under the streets of manhattan. “i need you to get to her before ultra does.”

why can’t brooke— audrey started to think but cara cut her off: “brooke is training with stella yamada and emma just found out that one of the newer breakouts is related to her. noah, jake and stavo are training scott, wendell and charlie respectively.” audrey scoffed and got up. honestly, fuck telepathy. and fuck this entire gig, she didn’t sign up for supernatural babysitting duties!

grabbing her jacket from where she’d thrown it over a chair, she called back over her shoulder: “where do i need to be?”

“hudson cliff. it’s an elementary school for sick kids and kids with learning disabilities.” what the hell? the last time they had such a young recruit, john rescued her from the citadel.

“oh, and audrey?”

“what?!”

“hurry.”

with a soft pop, audrey turned on her heels and then she was gone. she appeared in the old, abandoned subway station and rushed to the surface. top-side, they all called it. with cara literally in her head and the fact that she knew the route by heart, audrey got to the elementary school in what could be considered record time.

she’s inside, cara’s voice echoed, be careful, ultra’s already on her tail too. try to get to her before they do but if it gets too hot, i want you out of there, understood?

yeah, like that was going to happen. audrey scoffed again. quieter, this time. she was here now. might as well stick it out to the bitter end.

a loud scream shattered audrey’s telepathic reply to cara into a thousand tiny pieces and the ultra agents sent to subdue the new breakout came flying out of the nearest classroom, their guns skidding across the hallway as they smacked into the wall and slid down to the floor where they laid, in a crumpled heap, unmoving.

another scream. the hairs on the back of audrey’s neck stood on edge. she was ready to fight or flee if necessary. audrey stepped over the threshhold and that was as far as she got.

“no! stay back! stay back!”

in the middle of the classroom sat a girl about her own age, tears and blood splatters all over her, cradling another girl into her arms. a kid, audrey realized while her stomach churned and she almost gagged. fuck, she was going to be sick.

how she got the words out, she didn’t know: “i’m…my name is audrey jensen. i’m—i’m like you. and you’re not safe here. shit, i know it’s the last thing you want to do right now but i need you to come with me now. more men like the ones that are now lying in the hallway are coming for you and they won’t stop until they have you. they work for an organization called ultra and i’m so fucking sorry for your loss and i hate to do this but we need to go.”

“let them come,” snarled the girl. her eyes met audrey’s and for a brief moment, their minds connected and audrey was awash in a whirlwind of emotions, primarily consisting of years of anger and a whole lot of grief and sadness and pain. pain, pain, pain that was hers and wasn’t hers at all. “let them,” the girl repeated again, “i’ll kill them, it’s what they deserve. it’s what they all deserve for killing my younger sister!” hindi swears spilled over her lips like a waterfall.

tears ran down her cheeks and she looked like she was struggling containing another scream.

a memory that wasn’t hers flitted before audrey’s eyes; the little girl took her hands and pulled her towards central park, crowing that she finally managed to make it across on the monkey bars and that she wanted to show her: “c’mon, mohini! i practiced real hard!” it was like a butterfly or a snowflake; one moment it was there and then it was gone but it was enough to have tears spring to audrey’s eyes. she blinked them away and cleared her throat.

cara, audrey’s eyes flashed from the crying girl on the floor to the remnants of what was once a well kempt classroom. i’m here. the new breakout killed two ultra agents after they killed her younger sister.

audrey heard cara curse in her head. she heard it so clearly that the brunette might as well have been standing right next to her: do you think you can make it back with her on your own? russell needs my help with something else. if not, i can send stephen to meet you halfway.

no, audrey thought, it’s okay, i got this. but do tell stephen that he needs to pick up the…the kid. fuck, they killed a kid, cara! they killed a fucking kid! she’s, what, seven?! they got to a kid!

cara told her that she was sorry and that they’d talk about it when the two would get back to the lair but as of right now, the fact remained that audrey had twenty minutes left. the clock was still ticking and ultra was still hot on their heels. she swallowed audibly and knelt down. gently, she placed a hand on her shoulder. the girl, whose name audrey now knew, flinched visibly.

“it’s mohini, right?” audrey’s voice was low, hopefully soothing and almost a whisper.

“most people call me mo,” she croaked back, “but yeah, it’s mohini.” she sniffed. her eyes met audrey as she said: “we can’t leave her here. she needs to be cremated. and my parents—”

oh gods, her parents. what would her parents say?! what would her family do if they found out about this?!

long black hair shielded mo’s face like a curtain as her body shook with barely contained sobs.

after giving her a hug, audrey brushed mo’s hair back and gave her a kiss on the forehead. she didn’t know what else to do or to say. it was something that her mother used to do, before she got sick.  

“we can’t leave her here,” mo repeated, quieter, as if all the life had been drained from her too.

“we won’t,” audrey assured her and gently helped her stand up. mohini carried her sister to the bed in the corner and tucked her in. it looked like the little girl - madhavi, or madhu as those close to her called her -  was merely sleeping instead of dead. “i know someone who will make sure your sister gets back to your parents in time for the…the cremation, i swear.” mo nodded. “c’mon,” audrey said and swung an arm around mo’s shoulders. “let’s get you outta here.”      

four: teen wolf au

while the jensen family wasn’t as esteemed as the calavera family or the argents, they were still good hunters - mrs. jensen had been from a prominent hunting family too - in their own right. though her mother put the hunting life behind her when she got pregnant and then again when she got sick, her father continued on for a while; he even taught his daughter the basics.

just so she could protect herself while he retired. audrey took to it like a fish to water. after rachel died, she swore to herself that she would do everything in her power to avenge her and to protect her group of friends consisting of a banshee (brooke), a werewolf (jake), a human much like herself (noah), another huntress (emma) and someone with a penchant for drawing horror scenes who was something else but didn’t exactly know what (stavo). 

and things were all right until they weren’t because this is beacon hills and, inevitably, shit goes down here. this town had weathered many storms, this town would continue to do so. but all of that would wait, for beacon hills would have to deal with a supernatural band first.

stella yamada was a kitsune. brooke got the information out of her easily with a smile and a wink, an offer to stella that sounded like sure, i’ll totally help you familiarize yourself with beacon hills; i’d love to hang out with you! which was not only a way to help out audrey but also because the blonde truly wanted to hang out with her. 

her father was one too, stella had said, munching on curly fries. after the death of his previous partner, he spent a long time mourning her before he eventually found love with leila penn and gained not only a second chance at love but a bigger family; leila, who was as human as they came, had split up with her ex-husband and won custody over her two youngest boys, tim and tom, while their oldest girl - clea - occasionally dropped by to visit.

olivia white was a huntress that wasn’t cut out for that life at all. soft and pliant and sweet, she spent her time reading and researching and had taken to helping out doctor deaton’s and the cats and dogs - but mostly just cats in her spare time. she was also related to emma who learned how to handle a gun because it became a matter of life and death back in lakewood.

then there was scott pickett who was, much like noah, as human as they came. but he was quick as a whip and quite knowledgable when it came to lore and surprisingly easy going. he and wendell “wen” gifford, a leprechaun, were nine times out of ten, the brains behind plans. 

charles “charlie” delgado easily befriended stavo. other than their heritage and a love for comic books, they had other things in common. charlie was sure he was something other than human but he wouldn’t be able to tell you just what he is if you asked him.

lastly, there was mohini “mo” banerjee. named for one of vishnu’s avatars and skilled with a bass guitar, noah thought she was a garuda at first. an avian shapeshifter. he wasn’t wrong. while mo wasn’t an avian shapeshifter, she was a shapeshifter in every other sense of the word. you see, mo was an apsara - a shapeshifter with an extra pair of arms that could look like any other person out there, though their voice, abilities and gait remained the same. 

“the apsaras of old could probably fly and control the air with less difficulty. i can’t do either. my mom can fly, though, and i’m pretty sure that my younger sister’s going to surpass me one day.” her father, a gandharva - which was like the male equivalent of an apsara - had no flying abilities to speak of either, mo added after a while, but he was musically inclined. 

“what can you do?” asked audrey while mo continued to gently move the huntress’ fingers about, lacing their fingers together. mo shrugged: “i can sense changes in the weather and i’m pretty good with instruments.” audrey didn’t understand why her hands enthralled mohini so; they had been stained with death and had seen cruelty and violence too many fucking times.

mo pressed a kiss on both hands before she let go of them. “just call me your personal weather woman.” 

audrey laughed, thoughts of weaponry and the next threat to becon hills were forgotten for a while.

five: no killer!au

olivia had been right, mo thought, the carnival really was the perfect way to spend their off season. this way, she could get to know her aunt and niece a little better and stella had been begging - well, not really, but olivia knew how much the lead guitarist wanted this gig - to play at lakewood’s annual carnival with their original numbers and covers. 

and really, the other band members only had to look at their faces to give in, laughter on their own lips and fondness in their eyes. mo was one of the first ones to say okay to it all, the others soon following suit.

besides: winning an actual version of the battle of the bands, small though it was? against mikayla skeech and her own band? that would look great for their repertoire. (and mo was living for every moment that proved just how much talent lemonade mouth really had!)

that thought, as well as wen’s promise that he’d get her some cotton candy after their performance, kept mohini’s spirits higher than her height of 5′6″. 

they had time to spare - more like time to kill, in mo’s opinion - so the band scattered, each one promising to be backstage half an hour before, just in case they needed to go through their set-list or just in case things changed. olivia reminded them all to keep their phones on.

(the carnival was also a way to remember nina patterson and her boyfriend tyler who passed away in a freak car accident at the start of the school year.)

“you look lost,” chuckled a voice to her right when mo passed the food stalls once again. 

“don’t we all at some point?” was the first thing out of her mouth.

“i suppose.” the owner of the voice was a girl with short, black hair and a wide, sarcastic grin. 

she was dressed in black, had the bluest eyes mo had ever seen, was shorter than the bassist and had a video camera on her person. lemonade mouth had been in the song business for a while now so cameras didn’t freak mohini out anymore. they used to, before.

“i’m audrey,” said the girl, “i’d shake your hand, but—” she was holding her video camera.

“mohini, though you can call me mo. and it’s okay, i’ll just shake your other hand.”

“that’s smart,” audrey drawled and mo winked: “i got sorted in ravenclaw on pottermore.”

“i don’t have any nicknames other than aud or auds,” she said, “and i’m not much of a harry potter fan but congratulations.” mohini shrugged, waving a little at audrey’s camera, “that’s cool. i prefer roshani chokshi anyways.” honestly, mo would sell her soul to write half as well as that lady.

they were silent for a while and then mo said: “if you’re still in the market for a nickname or two, i’d be happy to oblige. i do love a good challenge.” though, really, knowing her and her penchant for flowery words and sentences, audrey would probably go home with a poem about her and her name, filled to the brim with a thousand compliments and then some.

mohini’s phone buzzed. it was a text from charlie, saying that she needed to get to the main stage. she showed it to audrey who said: “maybe later, after your performance. that is, if you’re sticking around.” rachel hadn’t. they had broken up shortly after the start of the school year. it was a clean, mutual break up and it was for the better - rachel needed time and space to focus on herself and the way she saw herself and needed a change of scenery after the video - but audrey still missed her sometimes. they had been friends before they dated.

“oh, i am,” mo assured her, “i’ll be here for three weeks, if not more.”

another text. this time it was scott, wondering why she wasn’t responding and why she wasn’t on her way to the main stage already.

“you should go.”

“i should. will you be there when lemonade mouth takes your little town by storm?”

“sure,” audrey grinned widely at mo as the latter finally stood up. “i can’t not check you guys out. you look like a bassist.” blue eyes met brown. audrey blew mo a kiss after she said: “and, y’know, i’m pretty sure i’ll see you around either way. break a leg out there, will you? i really don’t like mikayla skeech and the scene.”

[imagines-for-the-fangirls-soul]

Just Yours - Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Four - Goodbye Until Tomorrow

A/N: This chapter is centered around the episode, Surrendering Noah, so some of the dialogue is from that episode. I have been imagining this chapter and the next for a really long time, so I hope you enjoy it!! Please let me know what you think!! Final chapter is next before second part! Word Count: 3,080 Pairing: Rafael Barba x Reader Synopsis: Post break-up, Rafael and the reader try to get their affairs in order, and figure out what to do now that they are separated, as the trial of Johnny D takes place. Tags: @la-devotees, @amelia-save-me, @sergeantdodds, @evs14u, @cumberbabe92, @sweetsummertime99, @gibbs274, @standing-in-a-downpour (My tags are a mess. Let me know if I missed you, if you want to be tagged, or don’t. Sorry if I missed anyone.)

Previous Chapter

Getting back to work was the only thing that seemed to keep Rafael’s mind occupied, and this case was more than that. The trial of Johnny D was finally proceeding, and with all of his stress, it was hard for Rafael to stress about you and the breakup.

He arrived at the precinct in the morning, and found that you weren’t here yet, either. He hadn’t seen you this morning, either, and figured you had left before he did. The rest of your team didn’t seem to know what had happened, and Rafael didn’t want to disclose anything to them yet. Instead, he threw himself into his work, and let himself focus solely on this case.

At this present moment, the most important thing for him to do was to prep them for trial, as it was going to be a long one. Once everyone had gathered, Rafael began.

“Johnny Drake, A.K.A. Johnny D, has run out of delaying tactics. We are proceeding to trial on seventeen counts of rape, assault, trafficking and kidnapping,” he said, addressing the group.

“Nice work taking this from the Feds,” Carisi complimented. Rafael nodded at him and looked at the rest of the group.

“So you’ll need us to testify?��� Nick asked.

“I’m assuming that won’t be a problem,” Rafael said, looking directly at Liv.

“Not at all.”

“Lot’s of witnesses, it’s going to be a long trail,” Fin added.

“I want to put him away for life,” Rafael said coolly. There was a reason that Johnny D had evaded law enforcement for so long. He was dastardly and dangerous and Rafael needed to put this man away forever. 

“Alright, what can we do?” Amanda asked.

“You’ve got to re-vet every witness. No surprises,” he said. They all nodded, and looked between themselves to figure out who would be taking who. As he gathered up his things, Liv stood.

“Counselor, walk you out?” she asked. Rafael smiled slightly to hide his reluctance. He waited until they were in the hallway to ask what was going on. Olivia looked like she had to confess her soul.

“Something you need to tell me?”

“Just so you know, I’ve decided to name Johnny D as Noah’s birth father on the adoption papers.” Rafael sighed and looked at her with a serious look.

“We’ve talk about this. You are under no obligation to do that. It’s not material to what he’s being charged with.”

“This isn’t about the trial. The adoption paperwork lists Noah’s birth father as unknown.”

“So what’s the problem?” he asked, looking at her with wide eyes.

“Lying doesn’t work out well for me,” she whispered.

“Okay. Johnny D, family court, separate universes,” he said, shaking his head. “He’ll never find out.”

“Maybe not, but someday Noah might. Or the courts. I don’t want my life with Noah to be built on a lie.” Rafael sighed and pressed the button for the elevator.

“Don’t do this. Johnny D is a psychopath. Do not open this door.” As he spoke, the doors slid open, and he came face to face with you and your father.

“I just can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” Dodds said, but stopped once he realized the door had opened. You sighed and looked up at Liv and Rafael. You didn’t exactly meet Rafael’s gaze, but smiled politely and moved between them, your father at your heels.

Olivia looked over at Rafael but he shook his head.

“It’s a long story.”

“It’s a long story,” you said, following your dad as he walked into one of the conference rooms.

“When Mike told me you were thinking about taking the job I had no idea you were seriously considering it.”

“Mike shouldn’t have told you I was thinking about it, because at that point I had already decided on it.” He looked over at you with raised eyebrows and you sighed. “I’m sorry. I know I should have told you right away, but I needed time to think everything over.”

“So what does this mean for you and Rafael?” he asked. You sat down and looked up at him with wide eyes. He put his hand over yours.

“We broke up.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Right after he proposed to me, too.” The expression on your father’s face didn’t seem to change at all, and you cocked an eyebrow at him. “You’re not surprised about this, because he asked you for your blessing.”

“Yes, I knew. But I didn’t know when he was going to do it.”

“So what are you going to do about the apartment and everything?” You shrugged and looked at him helplessly.

“I don’t know. We haven’t talked much since the breakup. Half the time one of us isn’t even home, because we’ve been avoiding each other.”

“I’m sorry, that’s not a good situation to be in. Well, whatever you need-”

“Have lunch with Mike and I on Friday?” you asked hopefully.

“I would love to,” he said with a smile. “When will you be moving?”

“Next week. Monday.” He raised his eyebrows again, but nodded.

“So I might have to move to Chicago, too, eh?”

“You don’t have to,” you said with a smile.

“My kids are out there, of course I do. I can’t be away from all three of them.” He stood up and kissed your forehead. “Hang tough, sweetheart.”

“Thanks, dad,” you said. He walked out, and you took a few moments before walking into the squad room. Nick smiled at you as you sat down. You felt a little guilty, as you hadn’t told him yet, either. The time would come, you told yourself, it just hadn’t yet.

“I think I get why the Feds kicked this case to Barba,” Carisi said.

“Cause nobody wants to do anymore work than they have to,” Fin said, kicking back in his chair. You snorted while Amanda rolled her eyes.

“Our bust, our case,” Nick said.

“That’s true, but geopolitically, Johnny D is a Canadian national,” Carisi said.

“And they won’t extradite a U.S. citizen back here for a capital crime,” Amanda said.

“Exactly. So rather than risk an international brouhaha, they give the case to Barba.” You looked down at your computer, not wanting any of them to look at you. The rest of your squad didn’t know anything about the break up or your moving, either. You had your father pull some strings so Liv wouldn’t have to find out right away, but you still needed to tell her soon.

“We should have shot him when we had a chance,” Fin said.

“Probably. Cause even if Barba gets a conviction on all counts, he’s looking at 25 to life. He could be paroled in 15.” At that moment, Liv walked in. Nick shot up an followed her into her office. After about fifteen minutes he came back out and stood at your side.

“Yes?” you asked, looking up at him. He was smiling, and his dimples were prominent. 

“Wanna take a drive up to Sing Sing with me?” he asked. You grabbed your coat immediately and nodded.

“More than you know.”

Rafael sat at his computer, going over all of his notes for the trial as he waited for the judge to come back with her ruling on Braun’s motion. As he minimized a tab, he saw his background, a picture of the two of you, from your trip to the Hamptons almost a year ago. 

He sighed and stared at it a little while longer, looking at the happy looks on both of your faces. After a moment, though, it became too much and he had to open a new tab. 

“Mr. Barba?” Carmen said, drawing him away from his thoughts. “Mr. Braun is here to see you.”

“Okay,” Rafael said with a groan, sitting up in his chair. “Send him up.” Carmen nodded, and a moment later, Braun walked in. Rafael situated himself casually and looked at the defense lawyer.

“Nice digs,” he said, circling the room to look at everything, including Carmen’s rear end. “My tax dollars at work.”

“Taxes? Don’t most of your clients pay you cash?” Rafael asked, wanting nothing more than for this conversation to be over.

“Ha, that’s funny,” he said, walking up to Rafael’s desk. Rafael forced a small, polite smile on his face.

“What can I do for you?”

“Well while my motion is pending, I thought it’d be a good time to be proactive.” 

“Mmhm. Go on,” Rafael said, as he fought off the urge to either laugh or groan at Braun.

“Here’s what I can offer. Johnny Drake had no knowledge of this child’s existence, and he has been deprived of his parental rights, and he wants to do everything he can to assert those rights and to be a good father to Noah Porter.”

“Does he? Little hard to do when you’re serving twenty-five to life,” Rafael said, holding back his anger.

“Here’s where that pro-activity part comes in,” Braun said, sitting down in front of Rafael.

“I think you’d make a really great sergeant, Nick,” you said, smiling at him. He laughed nervously and smiled, too. 

“Thanks. Liv seemed to think so, too.” You nodded and looked out the window, and a silence fell over the car. You still hadn’t found the right time to tell him about the move. “Is everything, alright, Y/N?” Nick asked after a few minutes.

“Um, yeah - well, no, not really. Look, Nick, there’s something I need to talk to you about.” He looked over at you, one arm on the wheel of the car and nodded.

“Okay, what’s up?”

“Well, there’s no easy way to say this, but you know how I took a trip to Chicago a few weeks ago to see Mike?” Nick nodded that he did and you took a deep breath. “While I was there, he sort of offered me a job, and I took it. I’m leaving on Monday.”

There was another pause while Nick looked wide eyed at the road.

“Does Liv know you’re leaving?”

“No, I haven’t told her yet. I had my dad put in my transfers.” Nick nodded and still didn’t say anything. 

“What about Barba?”

“Um, we broke up,” you said. “A few days ago.” Nick didn’t say anything for the next five minutes until he parked. You kept looking over at him, wanting him to say anything right now.

“Are you okay?” he asked as he shifted gears. 

“I guess.” Nick nodded and turned to face you. “Not really. But I can’t not go, and live to regret it. I need to know.”

“I understand that.” He smiled, and swallowed hard, and you could have sworn you saw a tear form in his eye. He took your hand and looked up at you. “I’m gonna miss you, but I think this will be really good for you.” You leaned forward and hugged Nick tightly.

“I love you, Y/N,” he said.

“I love you, too.”

“Absolutely not,” Olivia said when Rafael told her about the deal that Braun proposed to him in his office.

“Will you just let me finish?” he asked. This day had already been agitating enough, and Rafael was practically at his wit’s end.

“Johnny D will relinquish all parental rights and waive visitation. Noah won’t ever have to know he existed.”

“He doesn’t get to do this,” Olivia said, shaking her head as she came to a stop.

“As I was trying to say, they’ve offered a plea of three to five years of prostitution, which I agree, is not enough,” he said, trying to stop Liv before she interjected again.

“Not enough?!”

“But I think I can sell them on one count of trafficking, pleaded down. Braun indicated they might accept ten years,” he said calmly.

“Yes, because he knows if this goes to trial that Johnny D will spend the rest of his life in prison! He sex-trafficked under aged girls. He raped them, he brutalized them. He does not get to plea this down because I want to make my life less complicated.”

“Okay,  there’s something else you should know,” Rafael said carefully. “Regardless of whether he is convicted or not, he can still appeal for his parental rights. He could request, and has a good shot at getting, court-ordered visitation. You could be taking your son to visit Johnny D in state prison until Noah turns 18.” Olivia shook her head and kept walking, giving Rafael her answer.

A day or so later, Rafael still wasn’t doing much better, and Johnny D’s request for parental rights had been charged. Additionally, you had finally broke the news of your move to the team, and now everyone was giving him sad, worried looks. 

After court one day, he decided to meet Liv for a much needed drink.

“Tucker said this was going to be a bad week,” Olivia said. He nodded and downed his whole drink in one swig, and then ordered another.

“I’m calling in favors to make sure the right judge rules on this appeal,” he said, trying to reassure her. 

“Thanks, Barba.” She waited for a moment before asking him what everyone had been asking since they found out. “Are you doing alright? You know, are you taking care of yourself?”

“I’m fine, Olivia.”

“You don’t have to be, Rafael,” she said softly, touching his shoulder. “I know how much she means to you.”

“She means everything,” he said, smiling sadly. Olivia nodded while Rafael took a deep breath. “I proposed to her, you know.”

“Oh my gosh,” she said, frowning deeper. “I’m so sorry.”

“She started moving her stuff out today. I just left. I went for a walk,” he said with a laugh. “And the sad thing is I can’t even talk to her about it. I can’t even look at her.”

“Rafael, you know this must be hard on her, too.”

“I know. And I know that nothing I say will make a difference either.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do. I can’t hold her back from pursuing this, and I won’t. She needs to do this and I understand that.” Olivia grasped his shoulder again and smiled.

“You’re a good man, Rafael.” He smiled and nodded appreciatively. 

“Thanks. But I’d rather focus on the case for right now, if you don’t mind. It’s the only thing keeping me out of my own thoughts.”

“So how’s that big trial going?” Mike asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Okay, I guess, I haven’t been in court for the past few days.” He nodded and looked over at your father, who shrugged, as he also hadn’t been there. “They have a pretty good case, so I don’t think they’re too worried.”

“Yeah, and a good lawyer,” Mike said. You smiled softly and looked down at your breakfast.

“Yeah, they do,” your father said, slinging his arm around the back of your chair. “So, let’s talk about when I’ll see you two next. Y/N is going to be staying with you and Alice, right?”

“Yep, just until I get my own place,” you answered. You thought of your home here in New York, and knew that even if you found something amazing in Chicago, it would be nothing like the one you had now.

It was torture that you were going to have to keep paying for the house, even though you wouldn’t be living there. You wished you could just pick up the house and bring it with you, including the inhabitants of said house hold.

Your dad grasped your shoulder and squeezed softly. You smiled up at him and pulled yourself from your thoughts. Although it was tough, your family was being so supportive, more than they had before, that it was easier for you to handle.

“Are you sure I’m not going to be in your way too much? I could just stay in a motel,” you suggested.

“Please,” Mike said, frowning. “Alice and I would be happy to have you stay with us. We have barely seen each other in the last few years.”

“I know. You don’t even know me that well. I could be some kind of psychopath.” Mike laughed and shook his head.

“I know you aren’t.” As you ate, your attention was drawn to the tv. It was playing a rerun of a baseball game, and Mike and your father were very invested in it. However, a moment later, it was interrupted by breaking news.

“We can now confirm that shots have been fired at the courthouse. The shooter was Johnny Drake, a man currently on trial for trafficking and assault.”

“Oh my god,” you said, grabbing your bag. Your dad grabbed your hand but you pulled away. “Rafael is there. I have to go.”

“We are unsure who, if anyone was hurt, but we will keep you updated-”

You ran out of the diner, and started running towards the courthouse. It was four blocks away, but you didn’t even care as you ran in your uncomfortable boots. You didn’t think about the pain, or how ridiculous you looked, or the fact that you abandoned your dad and Mike at a diner, when you swore to pay. The only thing you cared about right now was getting to Rafael.

Only Rafael.

Everything you had been through flashed in your mind. The first time you hooked up, when you finally became a couple, when Fin discovered you two were together, when you took the trip to the Hamptons. The time you told your dad about your relationship, when you were outed in court, when you moved in together, meeting his mother, when his grandmother passed.

Everything had led to this. Everything you two had been through had tested you. As you tripped over a sidewalk curb, you realized that you may have made the wrong decision. You couldn’t leave Rafael. Even if Chicago seemed bright, shiny, and new, it was never going to be New York with Rafael. 

You couldn’t leave him. 

“I’ve made a mistake,” you muttered as you took the steps to the courthouse two at a time. It was already marked off, but you flashed your badge and busted in. You threw open the door, and found panic. You saw Judge Barth being pushed out on a stretcher and grew more stressed. 

As you opened the door to the court room, you took a deep breath. Immediately, you saw Olivia, and there was blood on her hands.