#imagine how fucking mid the whole show would feel after.

[nanoa1foryou]

Watch them put Käärijä in the opening slot. I dare them. Do it. Cowards.

[sleep-0-deprived]

Dom! Yan professor x himbo reader imagines~! ໒꒰ྀི˶˙Ⱉ˙˶꒱ྀིა

Just imagining your biology professor being a total hard ass, rude and unkind to every student he’s ever had and giving out the most excessive amounts of homework daily, as soon as he met you something sinister had awoken inside him. The way you’d smile at him all stupid wearing shorts that showed to much and jogging pants that let him see the side profile of your cock during the first day of meeting you had this man losing it.

Just imagining you staying back after your college classes, you being freshly twenty three and scraping by if not failing every class you took, only making it to college on a sports scholarship with you staring and blinking at your professor all class. Yandere professor, just imagining him watching you from the corner of his eye the whole class, his hands moving on auto pilot only able to think about you and how you blink dumbly at him while he teaches making him speak up “is something wrong Mr L/n?”

Just imagining you getting stuck after class in tutoring sessions all hours of the day because he claims “I’m just trying to help you achieve better [name]” he’d utter those words so sincerely it would keep you oblivious while he stares at your ass and your pecs, bitting his lips when you lean in your chair showing him the perfect peak of your body having this man insane having to excuse himself for a moment during your sessions while he goes and “fixes” the situation between his legs.

Just imagining Yandere professor who rubs up against you grabbing and touching your body all over at any chance he gets with close proximity, slowly over time building trust off of his age and status, him pushing mid forties and freshly divorced. Just imagining him bringing up chats about his golden retriever just to twist your oblivious trust into something else, making you feel special whilst he gives you all the attention you could ever dream of with the intent of getting you all to himself wanting to possess and keep you like a boy toy.

Just imagining Yandere professor who asks you for “favors” claiming he’d make sure you passed all your classes, that you’d never have to worry about losing your scholar ship. He’d have your face in his crotch with your mouth wide open engulfing his cock all flushed in the face with teary eyes holding his thighs. Oh how he almost felt sorry for those poor girls that drooled after you during your games….almost, but having your mouth stuffed full of cock asking “am I doin good E’nough f’you sherr” while you soured your words with spit making slurping sounds just trying to please a good grade out of him.

Just imagining Yandere professor who does random dorm checkups on you, making you stay over at his apartment the nights your frat bros throw parties, not standing for the thought of some sorority girl getting her manicured hands on you, you were His and he’d fuck you so good that you knew it. Two glasses of wine later sitting in his apartment with your hand gripping the counters in shambles “s-ir!” All you can repeat over and over is his name speaking it like a prayer to your messiah feeling a drunken man going at it fucking you so hard the sounds start buzzing together and the over head light in his kitchen blurs under your pupils.

Just imagining Yandere professor who had your legs spread wide open sitting leaned back on his desk eating your ass out like a starving man. Gripping your skin and kissing your pucker, practically making out with your rim and letting you ramble on cluelessly about your plays and strategies, whining about how “the coach is placing me as Qb this year!” While you grip the back of your professors head looking down at him just blinking and getting comfy when you see him having no intentions of letting you go since him being able to work your body and play with you however he liked was part of the “conditions”

Just imagining your grades going from a fifties and forties across the boards to becoming a straight A+ student having all of your friends asking how you managed to swindle that, having your fiends wanting to know your secret while one of them asks “all those time you’ve been ditching, you must be going off to secretly study huh!” Your closest buddy just laughs and nudges you during practice unable to tell him that you’ve been whoring yourself out to the most hated teacher on campus.

[comradeocean]

"I have found myself talking out loud to you, hoping you can hear me" is a bonkers way for a celebrity to begin a public memorial statement less than 24 hrs after the death happened by someone who has possibly not personally spoken to the dead person in question for almost ten years. I cannot stop thinking about it.

In 2013, Channel 4 did a documentary called Crazy About One Direction that featured a number of high octane waaaay out there fans. I think the band was asked about it during an interview; Louis and the others basically disavowed it, saying it was an unfair representation of girls who like One Direction and the fanbase in general. He wasn't being totally selfless in sticking up for the fans, because some of those girls were profoundly sad and lonely, maybe unwell. And if your mission is to be marketed as a fun-loving carefree boyband, the last thing you'd want to be associated with are young, maladjusted, friendless girls.

Anyway, at one point, one of the girls interviewed says:

Twitter is like a prayer place. When you go to a prayer place, you feel like you’re connected to God. So when you’re on twitter, you feel like you’re connected to 1D. You just have hope. [audio description alt-text: an image of Louis as Jesus Christ]

Zayn is also the only one of the boys to have crossposted his message to twitter.

The thing about One Direction being an accident, sure, a manufactured accident, but an accident nonetheless, is that they were guileless going in, and it showed. I've been mainlining old videos this week, trying to compare those early xfactor days with their contemporaries who were trying to break out around the same time. With everyone else, it was always a band full of Liams: intensely driven little freaks. Sorry, freak is maybe too mean a word to describe that particular mix of hunger and desperation to be accomplished, to be famous, and at the bottom of it all: to be liked. There's been a conscious shaping of the persona in service of those goals: they've learned to dance, to perform, to give pitches, soundbites, hit camera marks on cue. Most of them were also older, in their early to mid twenties. It's not inconceivable to imagine such a trajectory for the most diehard theatre kid you knew from school who decided after uni or whatever ~ to follow their dreams ~. That was the more typical boyband background. (not Liam though. lad was fourteen. he was closer to another subspecies of the genus: the child star)

And 1D in contrast were unpracticed, unstudied, as Zayn put it in that slightly off-kilter way of his (which I always imagine to be indicative of a disjunction between the vocabulary one encounters in school and what everyone around them is used to speaking), "novice children."

Like, truly, they did not give a fuck cos it hadn't yet occurred to them they were supposed to. Liam aside, industry norms were a complete mystery to them, and for many years, they managed to inhabit that sweet spot of flippancy without contempt, whether it was about the project, themselves, or their audience. Liam tells the story about being the go-between for xfactor stylists and the boys and getting into so much trouble on their behalf for wearing human-sized babygrows during a video diary. "Because Westlife would never wear those." [The punchline he then delivers is that Westlife members were pictured wearing onesies soon after. (quite possibly due to how viral anything 1D-related got)]

The boys were so immature. The whole boyband thing had fallen into their laps. They were just happy to be there! This thing that they didn't even know they wanted, they somehow got, and it took the shape of four other boys in exactly the same situation. It comes across very strongly how taken they were with themselves and each other. Find yourself a guy who looks at you the way blah Larry Stylinson blah blah Ziam blah blah blah. Never mind that cos they were all actually so hyped with each other. Any time any of them says anything remotely clever, or funny, or notable, the rest of them lose their shit like they're in on the same hilarious joke. Even if there was no actual joke. Their entire existence at that point was the joke bc how on earth had they landed from where they'd been — small deadend towns hollowing out from deindustrialization — to where they ended up — the xfactor house headed for the very top about to win it all, in the way they did — saved from bootcamp elimination at the last minute, with who they did — four other working class boys they would have never been friends with in another life. It must have been a high like a kind of limerence, like finding long lost family members on the exact same wavelength, like love.

And that was the other key thing about the stratospheric rise of One Direction. We didn't love One Direction only because we loved this or that member. We loved them because they loved each other, because they loved themselves, because they loved us. And they used the internet to show it.

In 2010, mass social media platforms were in their nascence, which is to say, the exploration of how to be a person, with other people, online, at a broad level not limited to specific subcultures, was in its nascence. For many years now, given the levels of extreme over-exposure, the dominant mood has become the mortifying ordeal of being perceived and so on. We've somehow all adopted mini-celebrity mindsets of our own, weary of being exposed to the maw of an unseen public. To be known is to be surveilled.

But the boys individually and at the collective level invited surveillance back then. Because the inverse — to be surveilled is to be known — seemed more relevant for that moment, at the beginning. They made a point of living their newfound lives at least partially online.

They were constantly on twitter, they livestreamed with a dedication that rivaled x-factor video producers, and none more so than Liam. It was already reality tv, this was just the next bleeding edge of "real": the unfiltered, unedited, direct sharing of yourself and what you loved in the last days of the old free-as-in-freedom internet.

When they said, over and over again, that it was all about the fans, it was meant in a very literal sense. Social media and the reality it created produced a feedback loop between the love they had for each other and the band, and the love we had for them, until it was inseparable: their relationships, our relationships, the process itself. Parasociality as it is currently manifested might have found its first mass expression through One Direction.

In separate interviews from This is Us (2013) deleted scenes, Liam and Louis say that Zayn wears his heart on his sleeve. Yet within the best-friends-slash-brothers-for-life schema cultivated as the One Direction vibe, he did not seem necessarily exceptional in his frequent declarations of love and fellow-feeling for various band mates. What he did ultimately end up doing was pulling the trigger on the contractual form their relationships were bound within, such that the I-love-you's inevitably passed from unpracticed to rote to a mandatory matter of their livelihoods. Someone had to be the first to explicitly and consciously decide that this "love" was no longer something they could continue participating in.

From the same set of deleted interview, in a somewhat fitting twist of symmetry, Louis and Zayn go on and on (much longer than Niall or Harry) about how Liam had been the serious and sensible one, but they've managed to corrupt him a little. It makes sense to assume that Zayn is referring to the band in general, but one can also read it to mean the two of them specifically, being the eldest, and their meta-cognition of the terms and conditions imposed by One Direction as a phenomenon.

The love the members of One Direction had for each other and the band and the fans was undeniably "real." The making of that "realness" was conditioned by the x factor throwing together four boys who had very little reference for what the fuck they had gotten themselves into, and Liam. Liam was the intermediary. He was already a creature twisted up and contorting, trying his level best to wedge himself into whatever spaces there could be found in the juggernaut of the entertainment industry. His neuroses and anxieties made the rest of One Direction possible, made One Direction "real" and "not like the other boybands" because that DNA, that what-not-to-do instruction manual could just be crammed into him, and the rest of them could be let loose into the world, unburdened by expectation, free to not give a fuck.

Louis and Zayn's raw, unpolished, typo-ridden letters were the most direct and irrefutable way they knew to swear fidelity to the boy they knew, the band they built, and the lives they lived together. The unfathomable ether of the internet, of the fans, of the massed publics seen and unseen made them, it destroyed their senses of self in ways they could weather until they couldn't, and it's into this ether they send their words, their grief, something real of themselves. Because in the universe of One Direction, this is the orthopraxis by which one proclaims one's faith and one's hopes. This is the prayer place that transcends distance, time, even death. This is how their brother could somehow, some way, still feel their love.

[jakeysbaby]

Boyfriend - p.s.h

———————————————————————

Warning(s)- oral (male receiving)| blowjob | fem worshiping l spitting kink l nicknames (mommy, pretty etc). l cussing | prais!ng l teasing | begging | dirty talk l mommy kink l. ~lmk if more~

Word count - 774

Genre - | smut | a little fluff l dom yn ! Subby hoonie , ~lmk if other~

a/n - I’m sorry it took such a long time, writing a small piece. Thank you for being patient my loves! Enjoy!

———————————————————————

“I need park sunghoon here, now” you demand your assistant, obeying it right away. Yes it was possessive of you to demand people here and there, just for sunghoon but what could you do? He was your man slut.

Well, not really your man slut but he was something like that. He was cute, sweet and obedient when it came to work. And by work you mean sex. You and your personnel have been hitting it off for a few well, months now. It first started when his hot ass came to your office, begging for a job like it was his goal. Then, like most would imagine, you both got drunk and had hard, unexplainable sex. But that wasn’t the only time it had occurred. it happened a few days after that too, then weeks, and now eventually, months. It truly wasn’t your guy’s Intention to do it for this long but you know, some ‘things’ happen. And your only ‘thing’ was pleasing your coworker no matter what.

“Yes ma’am?” You hear, joy of unknown desire filling your heart as you heard the familiar voice. “Come in” you get up, coming face to face with your favourite fuck. “Did you call me?” He says, cute doe eyes filling v-shaped face. “Yeah I did. And you know exactly why too” a smug smirk pasted on your face as you laugh a bit. It didn’t even take a second for your pretty boy to smash his lips onto yours, making the wetness from bellow increase. “Someone’s feeling a little needy isn’t he?” You question, breaking the kiss mid way. A soft moan leaves his lips as you push him into the resting couch, legs Interlocking as you sit on his lap. “Show me how needy you are, baby” you whisper as you grind on his already hardened cock. Sunghoon places a hand on your hip, shifting you back and forth on his cock as moans fill the room. “n-need more” he whimpers, head throwing back in ease. “Mhm? And what exactly do you need more of, love?” You say, teasing him as your pace fastens a little.

He was gonna be the end of you.

“n-need your pretty mouth” he manages to get out, nails practically digging into your skin already. You weren’t done yet. “Oh? I don’t think you want it that much right baby” you edge him at the fullest as you notice his ‘cumming face’ on display. “no! no please, please need you. Need your pretty mouth so bad mommy” he pleads, nothing but high-pitched whimpers filling the wide room. “Mmm that’s what I thought” you smile, getting off his lap as a small twitch fills his body.

Getting down on your knees, you unbuckle his black dress-pants, revealing nothing but his grey boxers and a little bit of ‘pre cum’. “mm such a mess for mommy. This is all for me, right?” You question, removing his boxers as you stroke his cock with your slim-dim fingers. “y-yeah all for you mommy, only you” he says, a moan slipping out as you put his hardened tip in your mouth, eventually taking him whole. You throat fuck him, choking on his cock while he grabs your low ponytail. “Always want you so bad m-mommy.” Sunghoon whimpers, tears filling his eyes as he pushes your filled head all the way down. It doesn’t even take him 5 minutes when you start to feel his pretty cock twitch deep in your throat. “F-Fucking gonna cum, yes!” He says as he pushes your head to a certain pattern, only to his liking. His warm cum suddenly fills your throat as you swallow every single drop of it.

You get up from your knees, seeing your fucked out sunghoon with pretty tears all in his eyes. “Open” you say, guiding him to open his mouth. Sunghoon obeys, opening his mouth mid way as his tongue slides out. You spit in his mouth, access cum taste filling his mouth while he swallows it whole. You eventually get back down on your knees, putting back his lower half of clothing as you get up to kiss away his pleased tears. “You okay?” you laugh a bit, peaking his lips as he blushes . “Mm I’m okay” sunghoon hums in response, placing small little kisses all over your face. “You did such a good job today love” leaves your mouth while the endless amount of kisses finally ends. “I’m so glad you’re my girl” sunghoon praises, as he gets off your fucked couch.

Turns out that guy wasn’t your ‘fuck buddie’ or ‘man slut’

Turns out he was your boyfriend..

[lexsssu]

NGL, you mentioning Leon Kennedy is now making me think he's clingy af to everyone who loves him, 'cause I've been getting the urge to replay RE2R/RE4 recently just because of him.

To, uh, gaze at him respectfully. Very respectfully. 👀👀👀

Bro yesssssssssssss

I swear that bby boi is so affection-starved after everything that happened to him that the moment he finds real love, there's no way he's holding back <3

And with that, here's what I came up for Leon so far because he decided to invade my dreams-- HAHAHAHA

TAGS: Older!Leon (late 30s-early 40s)/F!reader(early-mid 20s), age gap, pervy thoughts, affection-starved!Leon, headcanons Ko-fi | Commissions (OPEN)

Older!Leon who'd all but given up any semblance of a normal relationship after everything he's gone through. He lazes about in the coach of the cheap apartment he sentenced himself into living in (despite the swanky and secure government housing freely provided as one of the top agents) with a cold beer while some random series was playing on low volume on the TV

Older!Leon who hears knocking on his door and begrudgingly answers it only to be met with the prettiestcutestmostgorgeousmouthwatering person he'd ever seen in his life

Older!Leon gets a full whiff of your strawberries & cream scent even before you opened your mouth and has him thinking of everything that is innocent, good, and worth protecting in this world. He then realizes that you'd already introduced yourself and that he'd been staring at you like a creep this whole time

“Kennedy…Uhhh…Leon S. Kennedy,” he half mumbles and states as he tries not to look too deeply into your eyes lest he finds himself lost in their depths. He doesn’t need to look more of a creep than you might have already thought he was

 And when you don’t immediately run for the hills, he internally sighs in relief. It’s a foreign feeling to him, because after all the horrors he’d witnessed and experienced, the last thing he ever worried about was how other people perceived him

That he was actually worried about what you thought about him despite having only met is both alarming and yet somehow…comforting? It tells him that despite how broken he thinks he is, he’s not so broken as to no longer care at all about anything

…It also helps that you’re such a cutie that it’s impossible for him not to care about you. Especially when you keep bringing him your homemade food all the time

The animal part of his brain rumbles with pleasure at how you were already being such a good mate by making sure he’s well-fed when he’d yet to properly bond you to him. It reinforces the idea that some part of you unconsciously knew that he was the one for you

“It’s the first time I’ve lived on my own, and I guess I’m just not used to making only food for one. I don’t like letting food go to waste either, so I thought maybe one of the neighbors might appreciate it. Safe to say that I never get to any of the other neighbors since you’re always gratefully accepting my cooking, Mr. Kennedy”

Had he been a lesser man, your playful teasing would have resulted in you pinned to the floor as he loomed over you, covering your naughty little mouth with his. He could already imagine the tiny squeak you’d let out in surprise or the delicious whimpers he’d coax from your plush lips that he’d only swallow up

“I think we’re more than acquainted enough to get past our surnames, don’t you think? Just Leon is fine with me, doll.” 

The first time he hears his given name spoken from your lips, his traitorous brain conjures up an image of you with your eyes practically rolling to the back of your head as he fucks your pretty pussy open with his cock 

Was he getting too attached because you were the first person outside of the dangerous world he lived in who showed genuine care without expecting anything in return?

…Perhaps

But did he really care? 

Honestly, no

If anything, it’s only a matter of time until he no longer had to imagine waking up next to you in the morning or getting back home from a mission or the office and having you wrapped in a pretty little apron without anything underneath waiting patiently for him

[panie-wanie-dean-bean]

Imagine just having a normal conversation with the brothers when the topic of death comes up in one form or another. Maybe it's a joke someone told that you laughed a little too hard at, maybe there was a threat passed around for laughs and you flinched. Either way, the brothers are all suddenly very aware of your mortality

While some brothers try to steer away from the topic, or brag about how they'd never let you die on them, three have almost the same thought "I won't let that happen"

The three in question are Belphie, Satan, and Lucifer. The two are hesitant to bring him in on their plotting but with his connections they really can't refuse. This is for you after all

Lucifer insists on getting permission from Diavolo first. The other two think it's not worth the risk but Luci knows better. Dia is delighted at the thought and gives his whole hearted approval of the plan, even Barbados looks a little giddy

After that, they turn to Solomon, a fellow human who somehow achieved immortality, to ask for advice. Sol is also thrilled at the idea, he even has everything ready to go for such an occasion. Why would he have them at the ready? He would advise you not to worry about that

Soon after all this, Solomon asks you to join him for tea. It's an innocuous request, it needed to be, though you couldn't have known that. You accept, and it eventually becomes a daily occurrence. It allows you a break from the madness, and him some good company. At least, that's what he tells you. You found it a bit strange how the brothers always let you have your tea in peace. Mammon didn't even barge in to demand your attention once! But he told you that he thought some fellow human time would do you good

It's not really a noticeable change at first, with how many selfcare days and products Assy gives you/makes you use it's not too surprising when your age doesn't show on your skin. Then you hit 40. You really should start looking older now, right? You mean, Devildom skincare aside, at least your hair should start graying, right? Your joints feel the same as ever, you heal just as fast. You can write it off a little longer but in your mid fifties you should not fucking look like you're still twenty!

Everyone acts so surprised too. Never giving away the truth. Just telling you that it must have been something you accidentally ate, or one of your high jinks filled days in the Devildom that did this to you. You're a little upset none of your friends or lovers seem to care about this as much as you do, but, maybe this is for the best? You've known for a while now that, at the very least, the brothers would be lost without you

Maybe this is a good thing, maybe it's as good as Assy whispers to you as he goes down on you whenever you mention it. Maybe it's as good as Beel tells you as he feeds you some of the best food in the Devildom. Maybe it's as good as Levi tells you as he rattles on about how many new shows you'll get to see together

Maybe it doesn't matter that the ones you trust the most took away your humanity

[joels-shitty-puns]

The Key To Your Heart - Track 2

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Musician!Reader

Series Summary: After writing your feelings for Pedro into a song, it gains a lot more popularity than expected. Ultimately it brings both criticism and support, with new possibilities around the corner.

Series Warnings: 18+ only (MDNI). Potential for puns/dad jokes (name of my blog, and the fic) should give that away. This is my first fic which should be its own warning, lol. Also some cursing. Mentions of masturbation (f) maybe more smut later idk. Sadness, reader is pretty depressed. Poor body image. Rude people. Bullying-ish and just lack of support? Anxiety. Age gap! Reader is in her mid 20's, Pedro is current age (48).

Other stuff: Reader is plus sized. AFAB. Inexperienced. Also has a dog, but you can pretend it is another creature probably. Further, in case it isn't clear, italics almost always are the reader's inner thoughts!

Word Count: 2.8K

Series List: Here!

Miss last chapter? Here!

I had a real rough time figuring out the proper voice for Pedro's dialogue and I hope I did him justice. Either way, the support I received for part 1 is astounding and completely unexpected! Thank you all for reading and let me know what you think :) I plan to continue until the story wraps up, but I don't know how many parts that will be. I hope to post every couple days, but with my work schedule it may be less speedy. Here we go!

You walk in the door, unclipping Skip's leash, slipping off your shoes, and dropping your keys on the countertop before flopping onto the couch and unlocking your phone. No. Fucking. Way. 

Pedro Pascal (pascalispunk) replied to your message. 

You dissected each letter of the username, assuming it couldn't possibly be THE Pedro Pascal… but it was. It really, really was. You clicked the message, holding your breath.

Pedro Pascal replied to you: "Hey, you don't need to thank me. I didn't say anything that wasn't true. That guy was out of line. You deserve happiness and I'm sorry for the harsh words you've been hearing. I appreciate you sharing your vulnerability with the world and hope that you will continue to be your genuine self and ignore the comments trying to make you be someone else. Don't listen to those people."

You stared in disbelief at his words, once again wondering why he would ever be so kind to someone he doesn't even know. Someone so childish and stupid to write a song about a man she doesn't know. I can't imagine he'd think these things if he knew it was about him…

You: "Thank you Mr. Pascal. I'm a big fan of yours and hearing that you're in my corner has me completely at a loss. I can't imagine why you would risk damaging your image by defending a girl…" No… don't say girl, it makes you sound like a child. You want this guy to like you! You backspace with a slight feeling of ridiculousness over the whole scenario. Ugh it's all wrong… calm down... calm down… it's just a conversation. He doesn't know you. He doesn't like you. Don't make it weird like you always do.

You try again.

You: "Thank you Mr. Pascal. I really admire your work and for you to say such kind things to me… to think that you're in my corner, has me completely at a loss for words. I don't know what I did to deserve this treatment when you don't even know me, especially when coming to my defense could potentially harm your image… but thank you."

He read it almost immediately. Your heart was beating out of your chest and you felt like you could throw up from the anxiety and adrenaline. After a few seconds, those stress-inducing dot-dot-dots appeared to show you he was typing.

He's actually replying to me?? Again? Doesn't he have better things to do? 

Your mind wandered to what he might be doing while he's messaging you. Sitting at his home, relaxing, taking the time to reply to you? Why? Maybe he's on a plane or waiting for something and killing time. Maybe he's- *ping*

Pedro Pascal replied to your message:

"Please, you can call me Pedro.. and as far as defending you, it doesn't matter to me that we don't know each other personally. You seem like a woman with a good heart, and all you did was share your true self. Nobody deserves to be talked poorly about for something harmless that they feel. If something like that hurts my image… then my true self wasn't being represented. I think we all just want to be seen, and I hope that you will feel comfortable to be yourself and show yourself more."

You don't know when you started crying, but you hiccupped with the overwhelming wave of emotions. He sees me.. you had just scrolled to the bottom of the long reply, when you noticed the "..." of typing again. He has more to say?!

Pedro Pascal: "As far as the subject of your song.. whether you choose to reveal that to him, or the world, you deserve love and respect. Being vulnerable and putting yourself out there is a terrifying thing to do, and I myself tend to close myself off from relationships to avoid that potential for getting hurt. But if that's what you want, you've already taken a big step and you should go for it. I hope that whoever he is gives you the respect and love you deserve."

Holy crap…

He doesn't… he doesn't know it's him right?? No. There's no way. He's just being nice… he's too nice. He's too genuine..??

Your thumbs hover over the keyboard, doing a little dance in the air, pondering what to say. How much can I share with this man? Between this crush and his kind words, it's feeling tricky to hold back from spilling too much information.

You: "Thank you Pedro. You're too kind and I can't properly explain how much I really appreciate it. I'm having trouble coming to terms with all the sudden attention, and finding it hard to ground myself. But your words are helping me a lot. I - "

You hesitated over your next words, wondering if you should open up or just leave it. Don't be weird… don't scare him away like you always have with everyone else. As much as you think of disclosing your hesitation and lack of experience with relationships, as well as your reasons for trepidation, you decide to spare him of your self-hatred. Instead, you delete that last letter and hit send. 

Then you send another message, like he did. "And as far as the guy… I know I don't know him personally, we've never met, but I can already tell he would treat me right. I just hope maybe someday he will love me back."

Immediately after sending it you regretted it. That felt way too open and vulnerable. What are you thinking!?! Shit… what if he sees through you!?

You hold your finger down on the message, ready to hit unsend before he sees it. But it's too late. He's already replying.

Pedro: "He would be stupid not to love you back."

What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck

You: "Thank you, Pedro. 🥺" Play it cool… Play it cool…

Pedro: "Of course, sweetheart. Feel free to message me if anyone else gives you trouble or you just want to chat. I enjoyed talking with you."

???!!!!!?????!!!!! SweetheartSweetheartSweetheart

You grabbed your nearest pillow and screamed into it. "SKIPPPPPEERRRRRRR!!!!!! I JUST HAD A CONVERSATION WITH PEDRO AND IT WAS MAGICAL AND AAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!" You squealed.

Skipper lifted his head at you and sighed before setting his head back down. He was no stranger to your shenanigans. Napping after a good walk was a better use of his energy than to deal with your drama. He closed his little brown eyes again.

You lay back on the couch, kicking your feet and squeezing your pillow to your body.

Fuck, this is going to hit me like a truck if it goes sour. If he even realizes it's about him, probably. Crap… what am I going to do?

The next day, you woke up and checked your emails before work. Thankfully nobody at your workplace has seemed to place your singing voice to your speaking voice, or pieced together the fact that several people know you have a crush on a certain celebrity and are a musician. Thank goodness. That’s the last thing you need.

You closed your eyes for a few minutes, trying to calm your breathing, your nerves, and your heart rate, before relaxing and shaking out your body. Finally, you decided to get ready for bed and see what tomorrow brings.

Your emails come in, one by one, with one intriguing email at the top, from a well known pop-culture show called The Jazz & Ally-Kat Show. They want to do an interview with you, live, as soon as possible. 

Great. They probably just want to see what I look like or have me spill my guts about my crush. You roll your eyes, and you can’t help but feel like the Mandalorian with his lack of face reveals. If only you had a cute little space baby to accompany you. I guess Skip is my own precious cargo in a way, you think, while looking at your still sleeping pup. You're being silly… Not everything needs to relate back to Pedro, you think with a sigh to yourself. 

Yet despite your anxiety, you agreed to their interview, with the exception that it was done as a podcast style interview, where simply your voices are featured. Surprisingly, they agreed. I guess everyone likes some drama, and what better way to get views than by having a little mystery.

The interview was scheduled for three days from then, and in the meantime you focused on work and your album, which was mostly finished after years of writing songs. All it needed was some editing.

As the days went by, you wanted desperately to message Pedro again. You wanted to tell him your feelings. Have him confess that he loves you too. Ask him about his family, his friends, his favorite things. Meet him, kiss him, fall in love, and finally be happy. But ultimately you knew that was silly. You had one little conversation, and although it was nice, you still didn't know each other. There was no way he loved you back. Yet…? you asked yourself, hopeful, almost asking for permission to let yourself try and earn his love. 

Despite Instagram drawing you in like a magnet, you held back from messaging him. You didn't want to come on too strong. You messaged him first last time. He doesn't know you. Literally… he doesn't even know your real name, or what you look like. But maybe that's a good thing…

_____The day of the interview:_____

You woke up around 9:30 in the morning; nervous, slightly nauseated, restless, and jittery. Why did I agree to this??! 

You decided to pass on the coffee this morning, figuring it would make things worse, and instead decided to take Skipper for a walk. After some fresh air followed by a refreshing shower, you looked at the clock. 11:30 AM. With the interview at 1PM, you still had some time to kill and sat down at the piano, letting your mind wander to Pedro while you plunked chords out with nimble fingers. I wonder if Pedro has ever wanted to learn any instruments… I could teach him, you daydream.

Your hands dance across the piano while he reads through a script in the other room, eyebrows furrowed as he highlights another line. You look up over the grand piano and see his soft brown curls blowing under the fan haphazardly. The sun is shining in through the window, which Skip bathes under, and reflects a golden brown undertone with gray streaks in Pedro's hair. He really is beautiful, you think. His tongue swipes across his lips as he makes notes and erases, before finally feeling your eyes on him. He glances up from the script, giving you a soft smile and a wink; with those chocolate brown eyes that frequently cause you to lose your train of thought. Your eyes drift down to the keys again, feeling a soft blush creep over your cheeks. 

"That music sounds beautiful, baby.." he says softly while padding up to you behind the piano. He places his large hands on your shoulders, sweeping them down over both your arms before settling on your hands, still resting over the black and white keys. You look over your shoulder and he leans in, closing his eyes as he presses a gentle kiss to your lips. Just like that scene in Narcos… you think. Yikes, I really am obsessed… anyway… you think back to your daydream…

He sits down at the chair next to your piano bench, kissing your lips again gently, then the corner of your mouth, your cheek, and your jaw. Your stomach gives a wave of butterflies and you lean in more to kiss him deeper, tugging on his hair while his hands find the small of your back, gently running his palms up your spine. A chill overcomes you and he-

~Beep beep. Beep beep. Beep beep.~

Fuck. You snap out of your fantasy and turn off the alarm you set to go off ten minutes before the interview. At least I gave myself time to use the restroom and wash my face, you think, hoping to clear your head a bit now that you're slightly frazzled.

Unfortunately the feeling that replaced it was nerves as you sat down at your desk, typing into your keyboard, turning on your mic, and hoping that Skipper doesn't throw a fit over the wind or something while you're on this call.

Jazz: "Hi there listeners! We're joined by the artist of the moment, our favorite lovesick lady, the singer responsible for "Imaginary Love!"

Both women on the other end of the call applaud.

Well… not sure I like being called a lovesick lady but what else did I expect, really?

You: "Thank you guys for having me, I appreciate you wanting to get to know me better."

Despite the rough start, the ladies turned out to be really respectful and fun. You think that if the circumstances were different, you could actually be friends with them. You discuss casual things like your dog, your favorite activities and favorite pop culture topics (careful to avoid mentioning Pedro or any other actor that could be perceived as your lyrical subject), and they even mention celebrity crushes they've had growing up. 

At the mention of their celebrity crushes, you can feel the interview funnel into a dangerous alley with little to no escape. Jazz was the first to broach the subject. "So… we've just discussed our celebrity crushes, and I think I speak for all of us here when I say we're all very curious to know who-"

-an air horn blares-

What the hell is that? You wonder, both thankful for the interruption, yet startled by the disruption.

They both chime in: "Viewers!!! Do you all know what that sound is!?! We have reached 1 million listeners!!!!"

To say you were astounded is an understatement.

You: "You're kidding!? 1 million people are listening to us right now?"

Ally: "You bet they are! And listeners… I don't know about you guys… but I can't help but wonder if our celebrity heartthrob is one of those million?"

They turn their attention to you again. "What do you think? Think he's listening?"

You're thankful for the lack of a camera, because you can't help but blush at the thought. You'd be lying if you hadn't already considered (hoped) that he was listening too. 

Jazz: "So as we were saying… I think we all are in agreement that we want to know who he is. You sound like a nice enough girl, so what's holding you back? You've made it. You can contact him now and he'll probably reply."

I already have… you thought with a smirk.

Jazz continues: "Which brings me to the next point... I know you've had a lot of attention lately. You were signed to a record company, you were contacted by us, you've been mentioned by a few talk shows and celebrities. Pedro Pascal even publicly defended you. The radio has been playing your song nonstop and people can't get enough. What do you think of all this attention?"

You: "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit surprised and maybe a little scared," you answered with a nervous laugh. "But I am so thankful for the kind words that I receive and I love hearing from people who can relate to my music."

Ally: "You've certainly received your fair share of criticism too. It sounds like you received that before your song was ever published as well."

You: "I have, and it's been challenging to try and not let it get me down. But I'm trying my best, and the positives seem to be greatly outweighing the negatives," you state, your mind thinking of Pedro and how his messages were really the only positive you needed to get you through the dark storm of criticism.

Ally: "I guess what I'm wondering is.. among all these people contacting you.. has he?"

You try to play dumb: "Has who?"

Both interviewers laugh before Ally continues. "Nice try. You know who we're trying to find out about. Has he, the man of your dreams and star of your lyrics, contacted you at all? Will we see a romance blooming?"

Your stomach flipped. You were not expecting this question. Should you tell the truth??? It's not like they could know who has contacted you, short of hacking your account. You have had a lot of people contact you, after all.

You take a deep breath before answering. "I uh… I have received a lot of messages, some of them from celebrities."

They reply, and you can practically feel them leaning in. "Yeeeeaaaah?????"

You consider your next move, your heart really working overtime since this whole thing started. Finally you decide your answer.

"Yes. We've talked."

Looking for Track 1? Read it here!

Next chapter: Here!

~Thanks for reading! Stay ~tuned~ for more!

Taglist: Let me know if you want in :)

@pedrotonin @starcrossed02

[jusst-you-race]

Do you think that in the ccc universe the 2010s grid would have (or try to) an orgy that ended up in disastrous consequences for everyone involved?

STOPPPP this made me laugh so hard okay details under the cut for Obvious reasons (explicit. be aware.) (it’s also… long…)

Firstly!!! everyone is sleeping with everyone let’s be clear here… Seb in particular is quite happy getting around, as is Jenson…

I think the dynamic these two have is very much just friends with benefits except to the Extreme… like they’re discussing a movie they both watched while Seb is tied to the bed with Jenson’s fist up his ass type of dynamic so. I think the idea of the orgy probably starts from them. They’re kissing and telling and sharing notes and it just spirals from there!

Mark is the first victim of their note swapping, for obvious reasons. He’s Jenson’s best friend, he’s the guy Seb is pretending he doesn’t have a massive crush on, they’ve both had sex with him, obviously it’s a topic of conversation! And it’s Jenson that suggests a threesome. Seb tries very hard to be chill about how into the idea of it he is, Jenson sees right through him, one thing leads to another and the three of them have a Great night together.

After, Seb and Jenson do their usual casually chatting about the most absurd things, like Seb asks Jenson something about Nico and Mark is like what the fuck do you two just… talk about the other people you’re having sex with? And he gets a bit weird about it and Obviously Seb and Jenson take that as their cue to be Annoying and Seb goes “Maybe you should invite Nico to our next threesome” and Mark is bright red at this point and Jenson just grins and is like “only if you invite Lewis” which makes Seb howl with laughter because can you imagine???? Those two???? (who are a very toxic on again off again couple at this point) and Mark, flustered and awkward but trying to joke around too goes “might as well just invite the whole building”

And that is where the orgy idea Starts.

Now not everyone is involved, some of them are smart and know to stay the hell away from that mess, some of them are happily married (Felipe’s husband is Rob because I love them with my whole heart), but it’s surprisingly easy to convince a large group once Seb and Jenson start floating the idea past their hookups… Lewis and Nico are the first ones roped in, and it’s partly as some weird psychosexual play against each other where like they both want to be super chill about the orgy to piss the other one off.

Seb tells Kimi who shrugs and is like why not, I’ll bring the little Finn…

Romain somehow just Knows and informs Jenson he’ll be there, much to Jenson’s bewilderment

Seb invites Nico, who invites Checo, who invites Kevin (all of them show up simply out of curiosity)

Mark accidentally ropes Fernando into it when he’s bemoaning what he got himself into and Fernando is like well there is no way I am missing out on this orgy I will come too. This does not help Mark feel better about it at all.

And then Jenson decides to invite the new kid too, which Seb thinks is hilarious, and the two of them corner a recently moved in Daniel who gets all flustered by being cornered by two hot blonds and isn’t quite sure what the hell he’s got himself into by moving here but no way is he turning down an opportunity for an orgy

Somehow a time and a date gets set and people awkwardly rock up to the orgy, all very unsure but intrigued nonetheless, and they walk in on an absolute Scene.

Nico, in lingerie, with a sheer fluffy dressing gown on, mid screaming match with Lewis (thankfully fully dressed), while hand cuffed to Seb (only in an oversized shirt and briefs) who’s clearly trying as hard as he can not to laugh, while Jenson (in jeans but shirtless) desperately tries to pick the lock of the handcuffs somehow looking deeply stressed and deeply amused at the same time. Mark and Fernando are sitting on the couch behind them with expressions of distaste and glee respectively.

Upon seeing this almost everyone nopes the fuck out right there and then and the orgy plan quickly falls apart… the only people who don’t choose to close the door and slowly back away are Kimi, who rolls his eyes before shoving Jenson out of the way and picking the lock in three seconds flat, and Daniel, who’s a little confused but thinks it would be rude to turn down the invitation when he’s still so new

No one’s much in the mood for sex after that

[kumezyzo]

streamer!gf is also a good idea i’d love to read

again, with this one, its mostly just for me [and this amazingly supportive anonymous] but i still felt like writing it. (although it took me three hours to come up with ideas that made sense lol) i also think this ones kinda ass in comparison to the others.... sorry.

but yea, this is streamer!gf that i tried to make gender neutral until the very end really.... enjoy! or dont.... :) m.list

bf!sapnap who most likely knew you from the SMP before you started dating. and only recently when he realized how much he liked you, did he start trying to pursue the relationship (which was maybe over a year and a half ago)

bf!sapnap who agreed with you to not say anything about the relationship for a few months just to let it sit and see where you guys lead

when you do finally announce it, its because you guys notice a genuince shift in the relationship where you can tell its getting more serious.

bf!sapnap who shyly brings up the idea of doing a relationship q&a on your channel after the announcement (that was also on your channel)

during the video, hes very clearly all over you, hugging you and leaning against you. your fans think its absolutely adorable how much of a simp he is.

in the middle of that video theres a moment when you two look at eachother after answering a question and it cuts to you two giggling and looking away from eachother. sapnap with a very clear blush and wide grin on his face mostly because you guys took a break to just kiss eachother which accidentally went on longer than expected

bf!sapnap who didnt realize how many people were already shipping you two when he called you the honourary dream team member once a few years ago

bf!sapnap that gets edits of you (sometimes you and him) during TNTL streams and just on his timelines and tries his hardest to not act flustered although he clearly has that glint in his eye

bf!sapnap who manages to come into your room during the most inconvenient times during your streams. ie. when youre actively and/or loudly simping over an actor in your fav movie or show.

you just freeze mid sentence, mid gesture, and stare at him as he steps into the room. he stares back and peeks his head into the frame and your chat proceeds to spam 'LMAOOOOO's

"can i help you....?"

".....so who were you yelling about-"

"Oh my- GET OUT😭!"

bf!sapnap who will very openly brag about dating you and just talk about dating you (he just wants people to know youre taken🤭)

"well im dating y/n"

"how does that have anything to do with vidcon-"

bf!sapnap who gets teased for not being as good of a gamer as you. and not having as many followers (because youre def. very popular) (i also imagine this next convo with george and dream laughing the entire time)

"sapnap, how does it feel having a girlfriend thats better at minecraft than you?"

"george, shut up."

"sapnap, hes not wrong. and doesnt she have more subscribers?"

"im literally never doing a manhunt again then."

"good, then we'll just have your girlfriend replace you"

bf!sapnap who jokingly suggests yout two starting an onlyfans where he posts videos of you two fucking (but he secretly really wants to). cause he has a whole album of pictures and videos of you two that he would be willing to post (if people pay for it obvi)

again, gimme suggestions and stuff. and show support for my sanity lol -Nony

[toxicwasteempire]

Foreshadowing in book one for Sidestep secret.

We all know by now but did we always? How many of us picked up the clues for the first book?

I personally was 100% convinced Sidestep was a Re-Gene before I started to play Retribution. This is because my mind is huge™ (Lying). It is interesting how it isn't information the first book is withholding, it keeps bringing it up to the point it feels natural once you read it once again with that knowledge. It doesn't hide it, it's just not said explicitly.

This is not a exhaustive list. I did one playthrough and took every reference, just so you all see my point. Remember, this is all just from one playthrough.

Is not foreshadowing (or is it?) but the phrasing is interesting knowing that Sidestep was made to do undercover missions. At the start, one things they're talking about gender norms in general but Sidestep was taught those in a clinical, artificial environment, with the goal of being as unassuming as possible. Only cuckoos are socialized this way, something that separates them from other Re-Genes.

More clear impossible and this is at the start of the game. Close your eyes and imagine baby Sidestep in a test tube. 🧪👶🏻

Tech-savvy Sidestep knows the capability of modern science, they're a product of it. Is the topic of race and heritage touchy because they see themselves as having no heritage or is do they consider Re-Gene culture as their heritage. (We know they have a unique language) If the latter is true, they would also feel isolated from it, since cuckoos are set apart.

Here is The Point™ it occurs in every playthrough. The existence of Re-Gene is explained and Sidestep is shown extremely distressed after calling the Special Directive. This is the point where it's practically confirmed there's story between Sidestep and the GeniTech corporation. it's difficult to not at the very least suspect.

I mean, the whole situation is stressing Sidestep the fuck out. If her crying, sobbing and throwing up about this isn't suspicious I don't know what is.

"You see Re-Genes have NO HUMAN RIGHTS because a CEO (of a company that kicked off after moving somewhere without a bioethics board) ~~claimed~~ that Re-Genes, allegedly 😒, are not sentient. Oh, you see they can mimic 😋🤗 so if you see some acting alive that's just silly pretending Which is why they have to be BRANDED as the MINDLESS OBJECTS they are just so nobody confuses them for actual people. 🙄 They have no mind after all. Or so they say. 😒 They are used for war... Do what you want with that info."

The way Sidestep talks immediately sends off alarms. Putting aside her being a Re-Gene, it is very clear the moment the Re-Genes are mentioned, the text is also putting in question the apparently known fact that they are not sentient.

Even if Sidestep had not been revealed to be one, I would've be on the side of the Re-Genes. Made by a sketchy enterprise somewhere with little to no regulations, they're marked to make sure nobody confuses them for a human, sent to make rich people richer in proxy wars abroad. The company says uuhhm actually they have no soul so it's okay if they got not human rights. 💕 And I'm supposed to believe that? Go away

Also a journalist was straight up murdered. Como cosa rara.

So the supposedly mindless robots need to have their thoughts shielded from possible telepaths 🤔 how weird.

There's show of kinship if you chose to save the Re-Gene. You see me and I see you. We are the same. We don't deserve this.

Sidestep stop hating your body challenge (impossible)

The first one can assume she's talking about being a villain but we know better.

Kinship between Sidestep and Heartbreak. They both being treated like less than a person. I see you. You see me we are the same etc. We also get a glimpse of her life in The Farm.

If you already got the inclination to believe sidestep is Re-Gene mid playthrough, the game proves you right with texts like this.

My poor mew meow...

Being serious, one assumes their tragic backstory means Sidestep's childhood was sad. When actually is simply non existent.

[theeonlyroman]

I like to imagine that if SB did raise HL and Rosa (Reader) that the overall setting of the story would be them being raised in a mansion and SB being the old, washed up, celebrity war hero that really stays in the spotlight through his kids by making them star in movies sorta like how Britney Spears was in that Disney show in the 80’s. That if HL especially didn’t get the mark right SB would throw him around and beat him and no one would intervene because of their status and well them being supes. And that no matter how many times Rosa would try to her impress her father with her acting talent and powers, she’d never be seen as “good enough” primarily because she’s a woman and that everything she does would be seen second to her brother HL.

A pivotal moment in yours and HL’s young life would be SB walking in on HL whacking it while smelling your sweater and SB angrily asks him, “What the fuck are you doing?” And a young HL scrambles to readjust himself because it’s pretty humiliating and before he even realizes it SB grabs him by the scruff of his collar throwing him across the room saying, “I knew you were a fucking disappointment but this just takes the cake, you think I’m really gonna let you do this fucked up, sweet home Alabama bullshit like this under my goddamn roof after all the hard work I fucking did” and he just choke slams HL to the ground creating a meteor sized hole on the ground.

You fly in on this after coming home from getting greasy fast food for your Dad and you see the chaos of the house and immediately panic and you run too see that SB is on his way to throwing HL out of the house. You run to try to save HL and you both are desperately clinging to one another because after all you HL is all you have, even though you had no idea the truth of why SB was doing what he was doing and in a moment of rage and disgust SB screams at you to go to your room making you feel like a weak, child you listen to him and HL is screaming for you not too but you tearfully abide by SB over your brothers constant begging. And after everything has calmed down you seek out your father and you see him in front of the tv watching one of his movies with beers and empty pill bottles on the table side, you tell him that you bought him some dinner and the only thing he says is “Thanks”. Both you and SB are just sitting quietly eating the food with nothing but questions in the air but you know that SB won’t tell you anything so you just tearfully eat your food while SB doesn’t make any attempts to console you.

HL finds refuge in none other than Madelyn Stilwell, the twist being is that she’s more like if Lois Lane was a predator and made a young Superman into her lover. She manipulates and abuses him by using his mommy issues and sister complex too her advantage into becoming the face of Vought from a young age from there a more younger generation of The Seven appears which is similar to the Teen Titans. HL tries to use his newfound influence to reach out to you but that can barely work with SB standing in between you both and not even Vought wants to intervene given his status and power so for years you can only support you brother from a distance and in secret away from the eyes of your father the whole time you still don’t know the truth as too why HL was kicked from home but this being kept under wraps by SB and Madelyn as well to preserve the image of the “perfect all American family”.

Other hcs

Rosa and HL were children when their grandfather died and they watched SB respond to his death by dancing on his grave and having multiple women in their home. They just stayed in their rooms till the end of the night to hide away from his antics thankfully their maid made them food.

I’m still kinda iffy on how I want BN and Rosa’s relationship to start out because while he is rendered mute and is treated more as obedient character he is still older than her like he’s in his 40’s and she’s in her mid 20’s.

It’s more of a “Wow this man is acknowledging me for my powers and acting abilities”, “Omg he’s taking care of me and sees that I’m here too”.

Lowkey triggers her daddy issues

Like let’s not forget that Rosa is a SUPE and she’s incredibly strong and talented but she’s just looked over because she’s a woman and is more of a character that’s treated as a sort of “You can be seen but not heard”.

Basically you and BN bond over being treated as the shadows of society; both only being acknowledged when it comes to having a physical presence but not a verbal one but both experiences are entirely different.

For HL and Madelyn imagine if Lois Lane wasn’t the strong willed reporter, imagine if she was the bottom of the barrel, morally corrupt, fame seeking reporter; now let’s apply that notion to Madelyn, shes at the bottom of Vought’s corporate ladder who stumbled upon a grave secret that can ruin SB’s image. So she uses HL’s status to get her to the top of Vought’s corporate chain, she uses his sister complex and mommy issues to her advantage and controls him under the pretense that if he does as she asks “they can be together” at the time he’s 17 and she’s 30.

The Boys version of the Teen Titans is called “The 7 Titans”

[mokeonn]

I finally actually watched Hazbin Hotel because I was like "I really shouldn't be so judgey, how can I say I hate a show I haven't even watched?" And I can safely say after 5 episodes in:

I hate it.

So I will preface this rant about my feelings towards this controversial show with the following positive statements:

I understand why people enjoy the show, it's fun, the animation is really enjoyable to watch, the music numbers are pretty good, the voice acting is also good, and the whole thing feels like it was constructed around a fandom. Though that last part is a flaw in the overall series, I completely see why people enjoy it. If a series was practically built around making fanfiction, ocs, or fun redesigns, people are gonna have fun making those things. I literally can't blame anyone for enjoying this show. It should also go without saying that I don't think people are morally evil for enjoying the show. I do believe, however, that your taste in shows is bad if you love this show.

I came into this show expecting the WORST. Everything I was told about it was how it was such an awful show and all the horrible things it does. So I was expecting the worst thing I've ever watched to appear before me tonight.

So imagine my surprise when the first 3 episodes aren't that bad. They aren't good, but they're not awful. It's just mid! The animation is fun to watch, the songs are catchy, and the pacing is only a little off. There were a lot of little moments where we got payoff with no set-up. Things like a dramatic reveal of a character that appears to want to evoke a "oh woah, it's that guy!!" moment, but we don't even know who that guy is. A character belting out a dramatic emotional ballad that is also a duet with another major character, but we were introduced to that character earlier that episode and we don't know her well enough to really care about her heartfelt emotional song. Moments that felt more awkward than anything else. Other than that, the show wasn't too bad! I was enjoying myself! I was worried that I was going to enjoy this extremely hated series and how it was going to reflect on my public tumblr image!

And then episode 4 hit.

Episode 4 starts off very similar to the others, and all around, I think it's a pretty good episode if it wasn't for the ending, but we'll get to that.

Episode 4 is a heavier episode dealing with Angel Dust's abuse at the hands of his boss. It gets fairly graphic at points, but with the way people were describing it, I was actually expecting far worse. It has a catchy song from Angel Dust about this abuse, and towards the end, he falls into a self-destructive spiral and vents about how much he wants to basically crash and burn in the hopes that maybe the abuse would stop or he would become too fucked up to notice/care anymore. You know what? This is a pretty heavy hitting topic and really spoke to me as a person who is dealing with addiction and struggles with depression spirals. I felt a lot of what Angel Dust was feeling, even if our situations were completely different. What is the response our little pink spider friend gets? An admittedly catchy song about how he's right that he sucks and he's a loser, "but hey, I'm a loser too! So we can be losers together."

Now, I get what the song is TRYING to say. It's trying to say that you're not alone, that "if you're a loser, then I'm a loser too. But we can be losers together." Which is a nice sentiment and all... but the execution leaves a lot to be desired. It doesn't portray this idea that you're not alone in this world, and there's plenty of people going through similar experiences, so it's important to connect with each other. It instead focuses on feeling more self-depreciating, which is fine and all, but it feels like an inappropriate time to be self-depreciating.

If a person with very low self-esteem vents about their abuse and talks down about themselves, and admits to wanting to self-harm by committing self-destructive behaviors on purpose... I think "seld-depreciation" is the last thing I would want to do with that person.

I get it. The song is trying to be funny and silly with self-depreciating humor to lighten the dark mood and show how Angel Dusk and the weird deep voiced cat-boy (yes, I know his name is Husk) are now getting along and relating to eachother by making jokes about how stupid they were to get into their awful situations... but the song really leaves a sour taste in my mouth because it just feels... wrong. It feels like the wrong response.

The story makes it seem like the song breaks this cycle of self-destructive behaviors and allows the characters to make the first step towards redemption/breaking the cycle of abuse; The song does not fit this theme, it instead just continues that cycle while the story continues on as if it did something else.

I might not be conveying my reasons for WHY the song left a bad taste in my mouth very well, but all you really need to know is that the vibes were off and it seemed like there was something left on the cutting room floor or a mistake between the writers and song writers.

Episode 5 is where I stopped. Like, I can't even finish it. Those previously mentioned pacing issues were nothing compared to the constant wave of hits episode 5 gave me.

First off, we are getting payoff for something that was actually set up! Popping some bottles here! It happens a couple times in the other episodes, but here: a major character is revealed after being talked about and foreshadowed in previous episodes! This really was a first in the series as most of the time, characters were just introduced when the story needed them, causing those awkward moments where a villain or major character got introduced. Valentino was introduced in an episode with some build-up earlier in said episode, but having a character actually be hinted at in earlier episodes before a reveal felt completely new.

And then it was... disappointing. The payoff did not match the set-up. I will state it right now. Lucifer, as a character, caused me to entirely stop watching the show mid episode 5. When you have this big dramatic backstory about how he was an angel of creation who wanted to create, a rebel who went against all he'd ever known to meet another rebel and fall in love with her, a deeply sad man who hid away refusing to take part in ruling hell, leaving it all to his wife? The fact that this is based on Christian theology and Lucifer already has ages of connotation and lore attached to him? Idk I think, "self depreciating, awkward, sad man who doesn't know how to greet his daughter on the phone, and spends all his time making little toy ducks" is... a huge fucking let-down. I understand they're trying to go a more humorous route of "He isn't scary at all, he's just a huge dork!" But it doesn't work, and it just makes me cringe. This alone would be a lot to process in one episode... but Episode 5 still has a LOT of punches in it!

The episode first states that they only have a couple months before the deadline, implying that around 4 months have passed since the first and second episode. Nothing really implies that much time passing between episode 1 and 4, and in the episode, Charlie states all the things they have been working on. Which is things we have already seen in the show. Which tells me that they really haven't been working on anything offscreen during this sudden time skip, so what the fuck happened between episodes 1-4??

Anyways, I could have misread this entire thing and thought far too much into Charlie's stress and the "only a couple months away!". With the word "couple" and the stress the character is clearly going through, I assumed that they were 2 months from the deadline, but maybe I was wrong. I don't know. I didn't finish the episode, and I'm not watching any more.

The first major "hit by a truck" moment was when Lucifer makes his way to the hotel and suddenly, he gets into a feud with Allister. They both sing a song about who is the better Dad to Charlie, and I am sitting there confused because, huh?? Wha?? Where the fuck did this "Allister Dad" thing come from?? NOWHERE in the last 4 episodes (nor the pilot) imply this relationship. Allister is the tumblr sexyman Mary-sue who gets at least 1 new power every episode. Nothing about him out of his entire screen time was paternal. Just as my confusion reaches a boiling point... they introduce a new character suddenly with an unearned "it's ME!" Intro (although unlike past intros, it is ironic).

She's a sassy little flapper who is friends with Allister and whose only purpose this episode is to cause problems to come to the Hotel's way later in the episode, and to give Allister's backstory. A backstory that we really didn't need. Like REALLY didn't need. Seriously this entire show we have been told and shown that Allister is a powerful demon who is feared and not to be messed with. This backstory reveals that he is... a powerful demon who is feared and not to be messed with. The only purpose of this backstory is to reveal a spooky thing he does so he can use it as a threat later in the episode.

Husk confronts Allister about his friend because she always brings trouble, and he snaps at Allister, making a sassy comment. Allister threatens Husk with the previously mentioned spooky thing he is totally known for that was revealed in the backstory.

Lucifer does not approve of the hotel, which makes an awkward scene where Charlie is trying to explain her thinking and her personal experience to her absent father and Lucifer shoots her down by poorly hinting that it just "wouldn't work" because he knows from personal experience. I am not having a good time watching two characters communicate poorly primarily because I hate one of them so much.

The previously mentioned trouble comes their way, and Allister reveals new awesome Allister powers for the 3rd time this episode and goes off to fight off the trouble. Charlie uses this as a way to try to reason with her father. Allister finishes his fight and scolds his friend for using him to fight off the trouble she gets into like Husk said earlier. He then informs here that she either needs to leave or come and stay at the hotel to rehabilitate. She stomps off, and I feel so tired of a third huge payoff with not a lot of set-up.

Allister (who I probably have been misspelling his name this whole time and no I will NOT check) feels like he did a ton of development and growth... entirely off screen. This feels like a 180 to me. This entire show he has been this evil, off-putting guy, that vaguely helps at the hotel, does creepy things, threaten people, and use plot armor powers to save the day or do cool things. So suddenly having an episode where it's stated he has a paternal relationship with Charlie, which has NOT been shown or even HINTED at whatsoever, and where he suddenly turns away a troublemaking friend to protect the hotel he wanted to see fall apart? It's a total 180 from what I'm used to. One could claim that the sudden protection of the hotel was because he wanted to protect his investment, and he knew his friend was using him so he just sent her on her way or offered for her to be tortured in the friendship hotel. I can see an argument for why he didn't threaten or harm his friend when he has killed people or threatened to kill people for less (pretty strong friendship that goes way back when blah blah blah) I can argue about the inconsistencies in how he acts towards the end of this episode compared to the previous episodes of the show all I want.

But come on, you can't argue the sudden paternal thing. That came out of nowhere.

At this point I just, turned off the episode and called it quits. I have heard that the most glaring writing issues come later in the season, and if episode 5 was this bad, I don't wanna keep watching.

Part of me wants to continue watching, as the animation is really enjoyable to watch, and the music is actually pretty fun. But I just know that I'm not going to enjoy myself at all from here on out. It's all going to be downhill from here, and it'll frustrate me. I'm not gonna spend my time watching something I'll hate.

If I wanna watch something frustrating, I'd just watch Jerma play my favorite game for the first time.

[mooseyspooky]

Why do you think Morrissey has been acting like this lately? Is it because Marr turn down a reunion? I don't think he only wanted the reunion for the money. I also feel like Morrissey feels irrelevant and forgotten and thought that maybe a reunion might give a new life to his career

Darren asked me about this yesterday, and I wrote a whole essay about it. I think just copying it here will be a good answer to this.

Darren: How are we feeling about the moz and Johnny news

Me: Pretty indifferent. Same shit another day. I mean they survived the court case and banged all the way through the early to mid 2000s to 2009

Moz having a tantrum is nothing new

I was very sad to hear Johnny said no to a reunion

But it's not like I don't get it

Andy passed last year

Johnny wanted Moz back in 2008 and Moz ghosted him after promising he was totally on board

Moz didn't show up for the 2006 fundraiser concert for Andy's dad's cancer

Which is pretty ruthless

Moz clearly hasnt opened a single email Johnny sent him since 2018 when Johnny filed the trademark and tried to get him to cosign

Which is insane because Johnny did it specifically to stop Mike Joyce (the Classically Smiths venture that he tried roping Andy into, though Andy backed out at the last minute. Some say because of his cancer, but I'm sure Johnny being so pissed off about it he got lawyers involved was also a part of it)

Which is literally something Moz should be gagging to do at all times 24/7

And meanwhile nothing

And then Johnny continued to try, even sending the paperwork again this year in January and nothing

So i mean why would Johnny want a reunion

Moz wants it to happen a year after Andy is buried, it's too late

Does it hurt I don't get to see them together on stage ever, yes, but I'm not like

Demented

If I was Johnny I'd be so fucking tired

Like beyond exhausted

Sharing a stage with him?

Putting up with him on tour?

Moz canceled over 50% of shows last year

No explanation, sometimes on the _day of_

Just wouldn't do them

I mean Johnny won't cancel a show if his grandma dies

Moz just

Cancels cause it's a slightly breezy day out and that offends him

Yes I love Moz, I am his ride or die, I will go to my grave obsessed with him and everything about him

But I am aware and understanding he is extremely fickle and can be very stupid

This is all happened, literally all of it, cause Johnny made very light fun of him on Twitter

Like barely a joke

Johnny saw some popular girl on Twitter who is a super fan

Saw she mentioned a reunion

Didn't tag him

And Johnny posted a picture of a far right dude in England that Moz protested the treatment of in prison one time like- i don't know. 7 years ago

They put the guy in a prison where he was at high risk, and Moz made a slight offhanded comment saying it was cruel

So now here we are, with Johnny posting a picture of a guy

To a Smiths super fan

Who didn't tag him

Who mentioned a reunion

Because she saw Oasis get back together

And Moz got _so upset_

He decided to throw an absolute shit fit

And now Johnny has to be like literally can you calm down

And in some ways I understand both sides

Moz just

His sort of...recurring thing

Is that he really really hates when Johnny won't stick up for him

Or when Johnny is quiet when people are dog piling on him

Johnny did that a lot in the 90s

During the NME smear campaign, for instance, and the court case

And it really broke Moz up

Like, and I can imagine it did hurt

To be so close and so in love and meanwhile Johnny won't do anything. Just sit there and refuse to say anything

That's probably heartbreaking

Especially with Moz being so. Like. Blindly in belief that Johnny is forever innocent, forever perfect ("the always innocent young cabin boy")

There is no flaw

But Johnny is a human being, too, who has a lot going on

And to then see Johnny, here in 2024, once again. After 30 years not stand up for him

But instead making teasing posts on Twitter

Even if they're not cruel

I could see it causing Moz to have a meltdown

Should he be? At 65? No. He should be over it

But he's not

He still wants Johnny to love him, to defend him

And so yes he did have a total split from sanity for a bit but at the end of the day. I think the underlining thing is is that it stems from Moz being so deeply infatuated with his first love that he can't stand even the slightest notion Johnny isn't still as infatuated with him

Johnny was able to move on, to continue to keep his marriage, he was able to maintain friendships and have a lot of normal stuff that Moz couldn't because autism

Undiagnosed unrecognized autism but all the same

Moz is still, in his mind, deeply entrenched in the belief that Johnny is perfect and slight diversions from that cause major malfunctions

Moz clearly doesn't give a shit about the trademark thing. He's ignored it since 2018. Moz has talked about loathing albums being repackaged (Paint a Vulgar Picture), so clearly the greatest hits thing doesn't really bother him

Moz wanting a reunion, sure. Okay. Maybe that stung but my god he had to expect it

So what does Moz care about?

Johnny

That's it. Period.

He wants Johnny to love him and be obsessed with him forever, and that's the long and the short of it so.

[fallloverfic]

TGCF donghua Season 2, Episode 10 thoughts

This episode T-T T-T T-T T-T. Spoilers for the show and the book below. CW reference to suicide.

The dude being racist to An Le looks vaguely like a love child of Feng Xin and Nie Mingjue (the donghua version) roflmao. Animators have made little references to The Scum Villain's Self Saving System this season so I would not be surprised if someone snuck in a reference to the Mo Dao Zu Shi donghua, too lol And this is similar enough to at least one Meng Yao + Nie Mingjue scene that I can see why they'd do it here.

So the Xianle goons licking their lips is because, I imagine, whatever was in that pouch Qi Rong brought An Le infected them or maybe it was these actual soldiers or something. Makes it less mmm... Strange. Having seen recordings of an attempted assault on a principal government building with government officials inside and what bloodthirsty folks bent on literal murder of said officials get up to around that, I mean I guess it's not that..... strange......

Someone here let me know that the servant/friend is the same official from S02E01 who ran past Xie Lian to help Lang Qianqiu, which makes sense! I totally forgot he showed up then and wondered after S02E07 if he was An Le acting funny (though by the end of S02E09 he is clearly not). He does show up in the novel in that S02E01 scene, but he's not named so far as I can tell, and I don't think we see him in Yong'an flashbacks like we do here. It's neat to see the development of this side character, and how some officials reward people who support them in life (besides Xie Lian and Yin Yu).

Xie Lian seeing the guy nervously looking for Lang Qianqiu and then being like: -sigh- young love is such a trial. You should spend more time studying the blade!

Oh shit, we get a preview of Xie Lian's parents' suicide. Wow. Will we get the donghua that far please T-T

I'm just in love with Fangxin's cape. It's so beautiful trailing behind him.

I'm sorry but An Le screaming in the same way Nakahara Chuuya does whenever he's mid-Corruption in Bungo Stray Dogs made me laugh so hard roflmao Unexpected (and likely unintentional) cameo lol

Imma keep saying it, the animation in this episode is really good. The fight scene is wonderful. When they go back to Qi Rong cackling is good. The show is just pretty.

Qi Rong: "Why is everyone here so fond of crying!"

This man is tired. Can't you do a little mass murder and gloating in peace? Honestly. Hard times.

Qi Rong: "You want your parents? I haven't gone asking for mine yet!"

Aw Qi Rong, babe...

Qi Rong got anime slashed. Who could have foreseen??? /end sarcasm

Xie Lian having a sad moment about Qi Rong, thinking he died. I'm wondering what the crying scene is from, or if that's something new. Qi Rong did cry I think in one flashback (I think where he's complaining about something) but this looked sadder? And less "spoiled".

Xie Lian sadly reaching out for Lang Qianqiu T-T

Xie Lian: "Is the truth so important? . . . What's the use of him knowing that? If I killed a few less people, would that make my reasons more justified?"

I really do love this so much. Just... sometimes the truth isn't important. Sometimes the truth is more painful/results in a worse outcome. Being bluntly honest isn't always the answer. You could argue that Xie Lian sacrificing himself isn't the answer either, and it's better overall that Lang Qianqiu knows things, but I love how this story brings up this idea, that maybe ignorance was better. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, and Xie Lian did still intentionally murder two people, as part of a cover-up.

Also, "You'd rather be right than be loved," is something I think about a lot from personal experience. It's not Hua Cheng's intention, but this kind of thinking can lead down that path so easily.

Hua Cheng really feeling that "fucked around and found out" part of this whole thing. Like I don't necessarily disagree with his goal here, and Xie Lian's plan is kind of well... imperfect (to put it lightly). But I do think this is a nice moment of Hua Cheng realizing that yes, he is Xie Lian's #1 fan, he is Xie Lian's strongest believer, and Xie Lian clearly cares deeply for him in return, but this does not mean that Hua Cheng understands Xie Lian perfectly, or knows all his thoughts (does Hua Cheng know a lot about him? Yes. But Xie Lian hides a lot of what he thinks, and has done so throughout his life). When thinking about Hua Cheng, I often think of Sosuke Aizen's line in Bleach chapter 170: "Admiration is the state furthest from understanding."

Unlike other people, Hua Cheng sets himself apart by not forcing his views on Xie Lian or trying to get Xie Lian to change to suit him, and he's realizing, "Oh shit, I fucked up with that here, didn't I," because in his quest for justice, to protect Xie Lian, he did just what he hates other people doing (to an extent, it's not nearly as bad as other folks). One thing I love so much about their relationship is how much they listen to each other, and learn from each other, and how Hua Cheng tries to see Xie Lian in ways other people don't. Even here, he's seeing Xie Lian (I really love that they focused so much on Hua Cheng's expressions here, even if he's not visually doing as much as Xie Lian, it's the little clear signs of upset that mean so much). He's not interrupting Xie Lian, he's not arguing his case (though to be fair, he already mostly has). He's trying to learn and be better. They recover from this because of that. And I love that about them.

Xie Lian: "I deserve whatever punishment I get and I can't die anyway. So why not put all the blame on me?"

T-T Crying in the club, folks. This man...

Xie Lian realizing he's being mean to Hua Cheng and apologizing got me T-T He's so scared of himself and what he's capable of - and incapable of, given all his work to try and save lives and mend old anger has come to naught, and he can't fix it. He always doubts himself before others. The scars of Bai Wuxiang are all over this episode, and Xie Lian himself, figuratively and literally. All this episode I cry T-T

Xie Lian's Chinese voice actor has done such a good job. Everyone is amazing (Qi Rong's VA doing amazing), but dang, he is phenomenal this episode. You can really feel Xie Lian's desperation and sorrow.

All in all the subs were also better this episode! They still call Qi Rong the "Green Immor" for some reason, but outside maybe one slightly awkward sentence, I think it was okay! But that doesn't necessarily mean anything cause they've been good and then got worse again lol

An excellent episode. Truly phenomenal. I think one of my favorites, particularly for this ending bit with Xie Lian and Hua Cheng talking to each other.

Other episode thoughts for season 2 (didn't start till episode 3):

S02E03

S02E04

S02E05

S02E06

S02E07

S02E08

S02E09

S02E10 (you are here)

S02E11

S02E12

[lovebillyhargrove]

Billy's Camaro fic. Chapter 16

***

Ever since he started having all these vague feelings about Hargrove, Steve has never thought that it would lead anywhere. That they would actually end up kissing each other like two drunk teenagers in love, absolutely indecent and steamy, lost in lust, uncaring of the world spinning around them. He has also never imagined that their lips would fit so perfectly well, interlocked in the most natural way, just like they've found home on each other. Lock and key, turn, click, it's their place now.

Billy is kissing him, and the fast and savage has turned into slow and savouring, and it gets registered in his mush brain that they are both moaning, mmm fucking loving it, Hargrove's hand on Steve's crotch is burning his dick through the jeans, and Billy's applying just the right among of pressure, palming Steve, confidently, that smooth motherfucker, like he .. like he knows exactly what he is doing, and maybe .. okay maybe it's the dry spell, maybe it's the fact that Steve has been tiptoeing around dreaming of this moment for so long, or the fact that Steve was caught off guard with Billy showing up without a warning earlier today. Also, quite probably it's the undeniable truth that Hargrove is doing a damn good job kissing him and rolling that big hot palm, rubbing his dick in the way that makes Steve, well .. it's uh ..

It takes him only one minute to literally cream his pants.

His whole body jerks, pleasure waves knocking him over. He's slumping against the door, and Hargrove is still kissing him, no tongue, just kinda holding his lips on Steve's and smiling into the kiss.

Oh god, it is so embarrassing

He did not expect that

To be honest, he didn't expect anything just one hour ago

"Hey I'm .. " his voice is weak and unusually thin

"I think it was the fastest I've ever scored."

Steve's huffing out a nervous awkward laugh and Billy snorts. Steve's eyes are still closed and although the after feels great, he can't look Billy directly in those ice-blue eyes

"I uh .. I usually last longer than that."

"It's fine. We'll have time to explore how long you can hold out for."

No, it's fucking pathetic, and Steve just wants to sink through the floor right now, but Billy .. Billy's hand is now curled around his waist, and he's tickling Steve's ear with his hot breath, and .. he sounds like he means it, it's fine. There's nothing to be ashamed of, it happens. Even the snort wasn't mean.

Steve brings his hand to Hargrove's own visible bulge and tries to unzip the jeans, but Billy stops him mid-movement

"As much as I want it, pretty boy .. and I so want it .. but this stupid wound kinda hurts, and I'm just .. dead tired, I'll fall asleep on the rug here if I don't find a bed right this second."

"Oh of course .. of course!! I'm .. I'm so .. I'm sorry! Are you hungry? Do you want to take a shower? There's still your toothbrush and everything .."

"I'll just go straight to bed. It's tricky to take a shower with a bandage, I'm too tired for it now. And I am hungry, but I'm much more just .." - Billy's whole body is kinda laying on top of Steve, - "It was a long fucking drive. Where can I sleep?"

"Guest room? Or .. my bed? You can sleep in my bed?"

"Your bed."

"Okay."

Steve unglues himself from the door together with Hargrove on him. It feels wet and sticky in his underwear but it also feels amazing.

They go upstairs to Steve's room where Billy just takes off the jacket and jeans

and slides under the blanket in his t-shirt and underwear

"Fuuck, it's so good to finally be able to stretch like that."

He sighs contentedly and mumbles

"Night, Steve."

"Yeah .. good night."

It's six in the evening.

Billy's been on the road for thirty-three hours, did he actually stop? He couldn't have driven from California to Indiana without stopping, could he? It's physically impossible.

Steve's gonna ask all the questions tomorrow.

He goes to the shower and washes away his cum, still high on the ohmygodohmygod it's fucking real. Still bummed about the whole creaming his pants too fast incident. Dammit. Ugh.

***

Close to the morning Steve hears in his sleep like the mattress is shifting near him .. the bed becomes emptier .. he hears the distant sound of running water and then somewhere close to the time when his alarm usually goes off

There's heavy weight on the bed again, and someone's getting under the blanket and sliding his big hand all over Steve's side .. tenderly, slowly .. it is so gentle, but at the same time the hand is heavy, manly, it is so new .. there's the fresh smell of toothpaste and .. yeah it's coffee aroma in the air, and the hand is becoming more insistent, lifting Steve's t-shirt up, kneading his shoulder and back, dragging his underwear down and grabbing his ass cheek, stroking his thigh, down and up and .. oh god going for Steve's already hard dick - what was it, just a couple of seconds - and he's this hard ..? Again.

"I've started the coffee, pretty boy."

Billy's low voice

"Do you have to go to work today?"

"Mhmm .."

Steve's humming, eyes still closed, half asleep.

"It's so fucking hot that you're so easy for me. Look how hard you are already."

Billy is touching him, everywhere, tracing his fingers over Steve's balls and up his cock

"It's the hottest thing, you being so hard for me."

"So soft down there .."

Billy's palm is gently fondling his balls again

"And so hard up here .."

Slowly, torturously dragging the fingers up his dick

There's a wild thought flashing through Steve's still sleepy head that maybe it's all a dream. In this case, Steve doesn't want it to end

Billy's hand is again so sure - how can he be so unafraid ?? ..

It's all about these flesh-scorching sensations in Steve's feverish mind. Feather-like touches, finger taking precome from the slit and spreading it all over the head of his dick, same finger toying with the hem .. a little bit of squeezing, a little bit of loving, circling, circling with maddening consistency

Steve wants to sob in his pillow

"Stop teasing me, Hargrove."

"Do you have any lube?"

"I don't .. nngh .. I don't have any."

Billy spits in his palm and wraps it around him

"This will have to do then."

It feels so filthy, Steve loves it

He loves Hargrove's large hand around his dick

Billy's whispers and moans pour like molten iron in Steve's ear

"You're so hard for me, Harrington .. so fucking easy .."

Hargrove jerks Steve off, his own dick pressing on Steve's ass cheeks, he's humping his ass, breath heavy and sultry

It builds and it builds, and it grows, the pleasure in Steve's lower abdomen, in his balls, ready to explode and flood all his body with bliss

He's fucking into Billy's fist, messily

Until it rips through him, and he cums with a groan all over the bed and his belly and Billy's fist.

Just a couple of minutes later Billy follows

shooting his hot cum on Steve's back, panting sweatily into his neck, and oh my god, if it's not the hottest sensation he's ever felt

This time he did last more than one minute, at least.

Billy's body is relaxed against Steve's and Steve just wants to sleep more, just like that, together, covered in cum - why isn't it gross? Because it isn't, it feels so good

But at this moment his alarm clock goes off

"Damn it!"

He smashes it in frustration and whines

"Don't wanna get up."

When suddenly

Someone's pounding at the door downstairs. Steve's eyelids fly open

The fucker Hargrove chuckles

"Perfect timing hehee .. Who is it? Parents?"

Steve's lifting himself on his right elbow

"No, they uh .. they have a key, they don't need to .."

The pounding resumes

Billy's wiping himself and Steve with a sheet

"You're gonna open the door?"

"Steve ?? STEVE!!!"

That's .. Max's voice? Oh shit. Steve's looking at Billy who's not smiling anymore

"I don't think we have a choice."

Steve jumps out of bed and puts sweatpants on

He turns to face Billy who's still laying on the bed and only now sees that his torso is bandaged, all around

Fucking hell ..

"Hey, Steve !!"

The pounding intensifies

Steve runs downstairs

"Coming!! I'm coming, Jesus!"

He opens the door, and there's Max, eyes fiery, fists clenched

"Hey is Billy here? El told me .."

"Uh .. yeah. Uhm .."

Max pushes past Steve.

"Billy .. ??"

Turns to him.

"Where is he?"

'Well, he is sleeping, I guess. But uh .. you probably woke him up. Just a second, I'll go look."

There's no need, cause Billy is coming down the stairs, wearing Steve's other sweatpants and throwing on a t-shirt

Max sees the bandage though

"Oh my god, Billy? .. Billy, are you okay? Are you .. "

She's staring at him, eyes wide open

"You're alive? .."

She flings herself at Billy but he's wincing at the embrace, patting her shoulder with his right hand

"Easy, Max."

Is he not happy to see her ? - Steve thinks

"You're alive, asshole !! Why didn't you tell me?"

Billy's just standing there, like a stone statue.

Max steps back a little.

"Were you going to tell me ?? .."

"How did you know I'm here?"

"El called me yesterday and said that .. you were alive and coming to Hawkins. She was so happy, she said Hopper was back and she said .. family's important."

Max is clutching her backpack straps

"It was very late yesterday for me to go outside, mom .. mom doesn't let .. and doesn't like when I stay out late, so I had to wait till the morning but .. I couldn't sleep and .."

"Oh, how's Susan?"

"She's .." - Max's shoulders slouch a little

"She's okay but .."

She stops mid-sentence and suddenly glances at Steve as if looking for some information

"Does he ..? Do you know about your ..?"

"I know, Max. I know about Neil."

They both fall silent.

Somehow Steve decides that it is not the worst moment to cut in

"Hey guys? Does anyone want coffee? Let's go to the kitchen? Did you have breakfast, Max?"

"I couldn't eat much, but yeah .. yeah, I did, thanks Steve."

They're in the kitchen and Steve starts pouring himself a mug of coffee when Max looks at the clock

"I need to get to school. Can somebody .. can you drive me, Billy?"

She's nervous because

Because she knows Billy can be an asshole

Which is exactly what happens

"Listen, Max, I sort of .. just came back from the dead, and you're already piling up a brother's .. step-brother's responsibilities on me? Can't drive anybody anywhere. I'm injured. How did you get here?"

"I walked. Can't skate in winter."

"Well .. school's not that far."

Steve's giving them both a coffee each

"Don't be a jerk, Billy." He says

"Oh so now I'm the jerk?"

Max is on the verge of tears

"You're the biggest jerk there is! Why am I the last one to find out you're alive?"

"Well, why was I the last one to find out about the upside down shit, huh, sister?"

Billy's stubborn like a donkey, Steve kinda knows that about him already. Steve himself has never been good at this sibling shit, he grew up alone, so he's kinda lost here. He's trying his best though.

There are two trails of tears running down Max's face

"I'm sorry, Billy."

Billy's not showing any reaction

Yep, siblings' drama

"Guys! I'll drive you to school, Max, and you .." - glancing at Hargrove - "You wanted to go somewhere?"

"I actually wanted to have a quiet day today, Harrington! Just uh .. just need to go to hospital probably to have it looked at."

Billy's gesturing at his left side

He avoids looking at Max.

Most likely, Steve's got to be the adult here.

"Okay! Okay, don't fight!"

"No-one's fighting, Harrington." - Billy's rolling his eyes and Max is trying not to let a single sniffle out.

"Let's just .. let's just take it step by step. Max, you need to be at school, right ?"

Max's nodding

"When?"

The two of them are looking at the clock

"Like .. in twenty minutes?"

"Right, school starts at 8.30 .." - Steve's addressing Hargrove now. - "I need to be at work at 9.00, can you drive yourself to the hospital?"

"Where would I get the car? Your beamer is near Family Video. Also, what about breakfast?"

"Uhm .. okay, I'm taking Max to school now, and then I'm picking you up from here and driving to Family Video where you can take one of the cars and go to the hospital? And we can stop and get bagels on the way. How's that for a plan?"

Billy's shrugging his broad shoulders like he doesn't care

"Yeah whatever."

"I'll just go change."

When Steve comes downstairs, he sees that Max is still waiting in the kitchen, but Billy's sitting on the couch in the living room

Having brothers or sisters is not the easiest thing, huh

"Let's go, Max?" Steve's grabbing the camaro keys.

"Bye, Billy." It comes out quiet and sad.

"See you around, Maxine." This comes out indifferent.

"I know you don't believe me but I'm glad you're back."

Hargrove isn't answering anything to that, and Steve and Max leave the house.

On the way Steve promises Max to tell her all about Billy's rescue later. He also says he'll talk to Billy about .. about what just happened between them.

"Just give him time, he's been through so much, and he actually has the right to be pissed about some things. You know like .. we kept him in the dark about this whole situation, and .. it almost cost him his life."

"Yeah, I know." Max is looking out of the window. "We should've told him about everything from .. from the beginning. We were stupid."

"Yeah .." - Steve pauses. - "How are things with your mom, by the way?"

"It's okay. It's difficult for her after Neil's death, but .. I hope she's going to be okay. We're moving soon. I don't know where yet, but this house is too big for us now."

Steve drops Max off at school

"If you need any help, call me, Max."

When he gets back, Billy's already dressed and waiting.

They get in the car. Steve can literally feel that the camaro is thrilled to see Billy, it makes all these excited sounds, the engine is singing.

First, they drive in silence but then

"Billy? I kinda felt sorry for Max, I mean .. weren't you happy to see her?"

"On cloud fucking nine, Harrington."

"That's uh .. listen, that's not my place to say anything but uh .. weren't you too harsh on her?"

"First of all, Harrington, stop with that "Oh it's not my place to say .." bullshit, okay? We're fucking, I'm staying at your house, you .. you saved me from that hellhole. And second, Max is .. yeah, she's a kid, bit it's not like she's a little fucking baby who didn't .. who doesn't understand anything!"

Steve's got a feeling Billy's talking about something else entirely, not just their earlier encounter

Also

Steve again feels that tingling sensation at the back of his head.

We're fucking, I'm staying at your house ..

Billy's rubbing his eyes with both palms

"The thing is .. I know. I know, Steve, you're right. It's just that .. there's so much family shit involved like .. I never even wanted a sister, and my dad .. even if it was her fault, I'd get slapped around anyways so .. but I know. Give me a couple of days. I'll pick her up from school or something. We'll go get burgers. We'll talk. Or something. Can we just go get our bagels now, Steve, I'm starving, like .. really ?"

The bagels are freshly baked and delicious, or maybe Steve's just after-sex hungry and happy. The boys devour them like two young wolves.

They say their good-byes for the day in front of the video store.

"I'll take my car. We'll go for a drive. Where's that hospital?"

"It's close to Main Street. There's gonna be a huge sign, you won't miss it."

"Alright. See you after your work. Want me to make some dinner?"

"I uh .. I don't know." Steve wasn't ready for this question.

"Okay, I'll figure it out."

Hargrove gets in the camaro and the car honestly looks like the most delighted pup.

Steve doesn't know how they'll do it, make peace, Billy and the camaro. And whether they'll make peace at all. He's curious, but fuck his life, he's gotta be at work.

Billy goes to the hospital, where they put a new bandage on his wound. Drives around in the camaro a bit, all conversations they might be having remain a secret only two of them share. He goes to Harrington's later and sleeps through the day.

Dinner is tricky, cause Harrington doesn't seem to have much food in his cupboards. Maybe they'll just go to the diner. Or pasta it is.

He's there to pick Steve up from work, and Steve's cheeks burn hot when he sees Billy waiting for him outside Family Video. They drive back separately, taking both cars to Harrington's place.

"I'll race you there, pretty boy."

Steve just scoffs and shakes his head cause he knows his beamer doesn't stand a chance.

He's right.

***

Next chapter. I know this one was supposed to be last, but then Max popped out of nowhere. The boys are still in need of a decent conversation. Also, I'm all for Billy and Max bonding and becoming the brother and sister we want them to be. I just think it won' t happen overnight. They'll need so much time. There will be so much assholery and passive-aggressive bitching. They'll get there, but it won't be all sugary sweet

[kriize]

honestly, this entire situation is just so sick.

please, please, please, don’t rope the group, or any for that matter, into this situation. don’t try to make them all out to be the monster he is by saying “they had to know” “maybe they all do” because we don’t know that, and judging from the way the members instantly unfollowed him, and deleted any and all traces of him from their accounts (tyong) is just a visual expression on how disappointed they are in him. rightfully so… imagine your friend, that you grew up with, met your family, siblings, someone that you consider family. was exposed for doing monstrous things like these. i know they’re so, so, disappointed and disgusted.

i am now a proud ot8 stan, and i stand by that.

i never have (on this account, since it is riize centered) written for him or his, now previous, group. and if i do in the future, just know that he well never, ever, be included, or mentioned along with the members or the group, which is why his name is solo in the tags, he does not represent nct.

he will not get away unscathed from this, there’s no way. he’s completely ruined a girl & mother’s lives, since he grew up with a single mother, you’d think he’d know better and want to treat women better…

i wish for nothing but for him to rot in a cell til his last day on this earth. and i seriously hope that all the victims heal and seek justice.

i seriously hope all my fellow czennies don’t blame themselves, we couldn’t have possibly predicted this, he was quite literally a wolf in sheep’s clothing. little did we know he’d been doing this for the past 6 going on 7 years, maybe even longer.

this seriously makes me question everything about him, when he’s around kids, women, anyone.

he’s a predator, and i really hope that no one is trying to justify none of his actions. if you are, seek help.

he’s a genuinely fucked up individual, and besides the fans, i really want to know how the members are taking this. imagine your oldest friend, a brother figure, someone who you’ve been surrounded by for about (more for some) than half of your life. has just been exposed for something like this, i would want to beat his ass myself, i probably would.

honestly, i cannot stress this enough, we. don’t. know. these. idols. personally.

everything that they give us is a separate identity, the real them is almost never shown. you have your few real ones, ones who you know wouldn’t hurt anyone, or at least that’s what it seems like, for example, hongjoong of ateez (one of my ults, also one of the biggest green flags) supports women, lgbtqia youth, the disabled, and literally so much more. the model role-model (this is me praising him and putting an example into place), but we’ll never truly know him. we’re not on the same level of connection as him and his members are, no matter how much he shows to us his everyday life. we’re just not at that level.

it could’ve truly been so easy for him to hide his private, private life, even from his members. so you all cannot give the whole group the title of “pedophiles” without knowing the truth regarding whether they were aware of this or not.

considering this had been brought to sm’s attention back in june, and they had began investigating since then, i find it seriously irresponsible and fucked up for him to be included in the walk music video and comeback. they’ve done it in (the recent) past with innocent people, removing their voice and images even after they’ve been recorded (prime example, seunghan), i feel like he shouldn’t have been in the music video, even before this news came out, he was supposed to be resting… same for back in fact check era.

(update 09.01.24, i hadn’t realized that this lawsuit had been kept a secret from sm from june & had just been brought to their attention mid august.)

i just seriously don’t understand how he can live his life knowing that he tormented a child and her mother for the past 6 (going on 7), years. gone to fan meets, concerts, and even more knowing what he’d been doing.

it was just recently 127’s 8th anniversary, so this means that this has started a year after he joined 127.

moon taeil is a evil human being,

if you can even call him that.