#imagine calling ATSUSHI privileged

[scorpionatori]

imagine being atsushi and growing up getting abused and tortured in an orphanage for over a decade and getting kicked out of said orphanage and then after all of that you get called a privileged little bitch by two separate people

[crazyqueenmoon]

Atsushi Nakajima is like an inverse Holden Caulfield. He’s a homeless runaway orphan who sees the good in others and is compassionate, and reluctant to express his emotions while Holden’s a trust fund kid who’s misanthropic and stuck in his own ways, open about his emotions. Both have a little sister figure whose wise beyond her years: For Holden, it’s Phoebe and for Atsushi it’s Kyoka.

I would kill to see JD Salinger as a character in BSD, though I doubt that’ll ever happen because Salinger was vehemently against any sort of adaptation of his work, and he’d turn roll in his grave knowing he was made to be an anime character and shipped with other authors. I was also obsessed with the book when I was in high school and had a huge crush on Holden Caulfield bc I was an angsty cynical af teen and he made me feel understood, but am now well aware that Holden’s a walking red flag and wake up every morning grateful that I never dated a guy like him.

Jerome and Atsushi interacting. It would be kind of similar to the relationship between Atsushi and Akutagawa, but I don’t think Jerome’s ability would be that strong and I imagine that he’s got a special baseball glove that turns gigantic and he never fails to catch stuff. Atsushi calls him out on how sorry for himself him he is and how judgmental he is towards everyone around when he’s lived a life of privilege and that he isn’t always right about everything like he thinks he is. I think he’d take his words into consideration a lot more than Akutagawa. They definitely wouldn’t be friends but would at least be able to have a level of respect for on another as acquaintances.

[bunglegaydogs]

Hiiii I'm just sending an ask because they're all different posts (read : I'm lazy) so please don't mind me lol

First and foremost, YOU ARE AMAZING AT EXPRESSING YOUR THOUGHTS AND YOUR ESSAYS ARE ALWAYS SO NUANCED?? SO YOU SAYING THAT WAS A HUGE COMPLIMENT OMG- I love reading your bsd essays so much and it's just now that I realised that they're all your essays abaammw some of the best in the fandom really. I'm always baffled when in the middle of an essay you go "I may not be articulating my thoughts right" or "this is kind of just put together" because girl you're amazing! Never stop writing these please ajajahsbw ALSO! Hearing your little thoughts and feelings pop up in the middle of an essay makes it so endearing to me. Like, that's a whole ass person writing these many words just to express how much they like this show and they're so adorable! (So sorry if that's offensive idk if calling someone adorable is)

Also, completely unrelated lol but this is exactly why I prefer to ask people questions instead of googling! Knowing that the person explaining is a human has their own opinions and hearing their feelings and experiences is so much more better and relatable than reading stuff off a Google website. Also your pfp is the cutest everyone has cute pfps nowadays 😭 anyways yes cute pfp :D

Actually getting to the point now:

1) yes yes Oda and Dazai's relationship is so dear to me I love them sm and I adore seeing Atsushi all caring for his mentor 😭 he's basically Dazai's emotional support cat!! Dazai let the boy in please I'm begging you he can purr probably and it would melt away your stress pls pls (Maybe everyone in the ADA sees Atsushi as their emotional support cat...)

2) Mori is a piece a shit, and you should be allowed to say it. I'm never biased in my writing but I loathe that guy with my very being and the whole people who like Mori thing really got me reconsidering...was *I* the bad guy for not liking a character when I actively liked a character very similar to him? Then I realised, I completely respect and treat equally all the people who don't like/hate Dazai. I don't treat them any different just because they don't like a character. And that's what I should expect too!

There's no post defending Dazai, and yet I still like him because I accept his wrongdoings and want him to keep getting better, like Oda told him to. Yknow, the argument would be MUCH different if Dazai was a woman and not a man, imagine bashing someone for liking a teen girl and not liking the guy who groomed her to be his heir. Yeah, really puts things into perspective. I'm not sexist, I treat (respectful) men and women equally, but Mori is just. No.

3) I haven't see it before in any canon source material but I feel like it's definitely true. It's clear that Dazai WANTS to want to keep living, but he can't bring himself to want it because of all the pain he's endured. He literally said in dark era that the reason he joined the mafia was to try and seek meaning in life by being close to death and violence. It's ironic, Dazai feels the most alive when he's about to LOSE that privilege. It could also mean that Dazai only realises the "value" in living when he's about to lose it. Perhaps he thinks of things he could've done, things he'll regret, and that helps him to stop before he actually does it. But in my opinion? I don't think he finds anything of worth in that time. He just convinces himself that he does. This is a personal hc but it's probably likely to be the case.

If you've listened to the song My R, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.(totally recommend btw!).The girl in the song speaks to herself about her woes and the 'other' version of her comforts her telling her about all the things that she DOES have, but by the end of the song, she has lost everything of meaning and she can't comfort the "girl". It is only revealed that the girls she comforted are different versions of HERSELF that she stopped from jumping.

Anyways, in conclusion, SOMEBODY PLEASE GIVE THIS BOY A HUG HE DESERVES IT

oh my god oh my god oh my god

i am sat here on the verge of TEARS in my goddamn chuuya cosplay

okay okay give me a second i need to collect myself

you are singlehandedly the SWEETEST person ever im sobbing

literally i cant- thank you so fucking much! you dont understand how much this all means to me WOWOWOWOW <33333333

literally, my brain doesnt let me consume my content positively and so i always think that theyre quite bad or that im the only person who thinks that or that im saying all the wrong things lol

i have so many words and thoughts floating around in my little brain that i just cant find the words for, so thats honestly what those rants are, my delusional 4am thought processes when i deep things too much

and YOU THINK??? genuinely, thank you!!! i love reading people's essays and thoughts, so hearing you say that genuinely just warms my absolute heart <3

and yes yes i do get quite sidetracked very often and start just rambling and adding my own personal twists- genuinely i thought that was annoying for people to read, but you're just putting a big smile on my face right now :) and PLS DONT THINK CALLING ME ADORABLE IS OFFENSIVE I LITERALLY GIGGLED READING THAT SHIT FR. <333

i like to add personal experiences and thoughts into it, just to get my point across, put it into an irl perspective and let people also relate and see what im getting at. (unfortunately) i have the same experiences as most of these characters, and so that is why they're so dear to me and why i get very defensive and passionate writing about them!

and yes! getting your answers and stuff from irl people instead of strange irrelevant responses is much more preferred lol. it's more raw and in depth and definitely a lot more personal! and thank you so much!!! it's genuinely one of my favourite dazai panels istg hes such a pretty mf

1.) i love love LOVE their dynamic, i think it's one of my favourites in the show along with skk and ranpo and yosano. it really fucking hits hard, as all family dynamics do with me fr, idk what it is about them, they just get me. and yes!!! i love when atsushi shows that he cares for dazai it MAKES ME FEEL NICE <3 and that's so real oh my god hes a tiger please PLEASE he can fucking PURR (there was a tumblr post i saw, i can try and find it but it made me actually cry laughing)

THIS ONE i was fucking howling but yes! their relationship is also one that really really gets to me! and yes, he is just the ada's support cat, it's canon, i'm ranpo's sweets

2.) thank you thank you THANK YOU mori is an actual degenerate human being. he's not made to be liked or appreciated or revered, it's just fucking AEUGH. i'm not going to demonise the people who enjoy him as a character, but seriously, it's a big red flag to overlook the canon pedophilia. i saw someone make a defense against him saying "yes, but he's never actually touched kids, so that doesn't mean anything" SORRY? they also went on to say that he "restrains himself" from having pedophilic thoughts with elise, and basically praised him for that. needless to say, it got me feeling fucking icky. and yes! i feel exactly the same. i always think that "oh, maybe i'm the awful one for not liking him? am i bad?" even though, no, i'm perfectly fine thinking that way and i am allowed to think that way. and exactly again! dazai is my favourite character, but i recognise his flaws and his mistakes and don't forgive them. but he's actively trying to "be a better person" (i say this in quotation marks because dazai sees everything he does as inevitably pointless, but still wishes to uphold oda's dying words. i am definitely going to make a post about this in the near future lol) and i dont make my analyses biased towards him, and i stay on neutral ground UNLESS personal opinion comes up, to which i then say that it's my personal opinion, not fact, and that it's anybody's choice to think however they want. if somebody doesn't like dazai; okay! i'm interested in talking with them, and we can both talk about things we're very passionate about and have healthy conversations! unlike some people i have seen on reddit, goddamn. but no, we're not the bad people for hating that knobhead fr. we should all treat and be treated the same as any other fan in the fandom and get along, and i wish we could ALL do that in non-toxic ways. 99% of this fandom are the loveliest people ever, but that 1% just needs to get a grip like omg. we should treat others how we want to be treated, regardless of who favours what ship and who likes what character. and real!!! if gender roles were reversed for dazai, this would be much more problematic, and that's upsetting! dw dw, i dont think its sexist, i think its putting things into perspective bc, either way, its shitty how he was treated. i fucking hate mori. whenever i see people defending him to like, the bone, like not getting into a decent discussion and being civil but instead bashing everyone who says otherwise and completely overlooking the abuse, manipulation, grooming, pedophilia and just him as a sick and twisted person in general, it just really irks me. as someone who has in fact had to deal with separate strands of abuse including many fucking counts of sexual abuse and pedophilia, it disgusts me seeing people overlooking it and it makes me feel fucking sick. that shit is not just something to be overlooked because of the fact that you enjoy mori as a character, he's not supposed to be a character that's consumed positively, he's a bad guy. a lot of characters in bsd are morally grey, but mori is just fucking morally black. he's downright evil.

(TW for suicide and self harm next btw :) )

3.) yes yes yessss!!! again, bringing personal stuff into it, i deal heavily with the whole topic of suicide and self harm. i've attempted twice and still deal with thoughts of it every single day, as well as self harm. so, this is one of my main reasons of dazai being my absolute favourite character, because of the representation and actual presentation of these topics. at first, we're shown them in a whimsical and whacky way, then it gets so much darker once we get into the dark era. it's a complete tonal shift, and it really sets in the gravity of the situation for him. and, as you said, he wants to have that ability to want to keep going and living, and he wants to be able to put the effort in, but he can't/ he physically cannot. as much as he would want to try, he can't. and yes, when he said that it fucking BROKE me fr. just at the chance that he's not able to keep living on anymore as a human is the one thing that keeps him alive, i fucking love asagiri's writing, it's so complex and beautiful. and its so so so real!!! youre literally right idc lmao. youve so eloquently said it im crying, youre putting all my thoughts into words <3

and yes!!! i have listened to the song, i absolutely LOVE it! and i never fail to think of dazai whenever i listen to it </3 and, i also think it's very very much like dazai, because of the multiple different versions we see of him too. chuuya hasn't exactly changed much, but he has gone through some very very complex and deep character developments, such as in fifteen and stormbringer. hes a lot more "tame" and respectful now, and a lot more mature. (except with dazai lmao) aku, we see he's changed slightly thanks to atsushi, but still no major character fucking flip arounds. all these characters we've watched slowly become better and more complex throughout the series. dazai? he just does 180s every single fucking year. hes different at 14 and 15 than he is at 18. hes different at 18 than he is at 20-22. and the different faces he puts on for each and every person, all his masks that he has. there's much variety to dazai; you never know what you'll get. there's so many different sides to him, because he doesn't know who he is. as odasaku saw him, "a lost child crying out". no matter the age, no matter the state, dazai is always going to be harbouring that broken child with him, trying to hide it and build up walls around it, because the only time he's ever shown it, he's gotten hurt or betrayed and lost some key figures in his life. trust issues much?

anyways i am sorry i am sorry i rambled too much lmao

in conclusion, YES, GIVE HIM A FUCKING HUG OH MY GOD PLEASE I JUST NEED SOMEONE TO HUG HIM PLS GOD LET ATSUSHI GIVE HIM A BIG HUG WHEN HE COMES OUT OF MEURSAULT I SWEAR-

thank you so so so SO much for your kind words!!! sweetest person EVER fr <333333

thank you my love!!! /p have a lovely day/night :) <3

[frost-eyed-autumn]

"How noble of you." Its hard to tell if there's any sincerity to it or if its purely sarcastic. His expression doesn't soften or change either way after Atsushi is done speaking.

Unfortunately, its a sentiment he can somewhat understand, even if Atsushi doesn't know it. He had never joined the Port Mafia out of choice. He had done it to protect his friends, and to get answers. In time, he had settled into it for himself and for the people in the organization... but he had also come from completely different circumstances to begin with. A street gang that had to fight every day of its formation to stay alive.

And unlike Atsushi, he had done so without much remorse or thought to who he was killing. He didn't have the privilege of stopping to consider the other persons' life back then, or whether or not people considered him a monster, though the Sheep by and large only fought in self-defense.

Somehow though, he didn't think this kid would do so even then. He'd hesitate and try to find an alternative first. That was what put them in two different worlds.

"Really," he continued after a beat of pause, "that's a fine sentiment you have, and normally I'd call you brave for it, but it has no place here. Not if you're afraid to get your hands dirty. I'd think long and hard about just how serious you are in your convictions and your place in the mafia, before it chews you up and spits you out. Somehow I think your friends over at the Agency would hate that a lot more than you give them credit for."

He pitched his weight, side-stepping around Atsushi to stroll past him and towards the motorboats as his subordinates loaded them up.

"Otherwise, you're either going to end up suffocating in the dark, or find it a lot harder than you'd ever imagined to return to the light."

｡*◯ ⃝ ☁️ ꜜ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⭒ ݁ . ⠀ ⠀  𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 ` air remained quiet without a response . . . then his arm trembled as he raised his balled up hand to push himself up from the ground. water and blood falling off of his stained hair as he spoke.

𔓕 𓂅𓄹࣪ ،،⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ❝ I . . never asked . . . hah . . I never asked to be an executive !! ❞

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 𓇢 ᛫ ᤲ ✦𓈒⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀he finally responded as he glanced up to glare at Chuuya, despite the tears that had ceased to rush down his face. although his arms trembled to hold himself up, he reached out to grasp the side of the boat to hold him up.

𔓕 𓂅𓄹࣪ ،،⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ❝ you've got it wrong, about me . . . I didn't volunteer because i wanted to be part of the mafia, none of us wanted to be part of the mafia. but one of us had to make that sacrifice . . . I chose to be the one to do it . . . be-because if it wasn't me, it would have been someone who would rather DIE then be back. ❞

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 𓇢 ᛫ ᤲ ✦𓈒⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ He spoke through grinted teeth as his legs trembled under himself. they felt like jelly walking on them.

𔓕 𓂅𓄹࣪ ،،⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ❝ And i refuse to rip her or any of them from their family. I was the last to join, it only makes sense im the first to go, i was never nothing more then a seasonal there anyway . . .

I didn't come here expecting open arms, especially with my history being with the port mafia . . . I didn't come here to be in power. im not even sure why Mori-san had placed me in this position. I expected to be less then a bottom feeder . . . I'm as confused as the rest of you. ❞

he admitted to the other and not to get pitty or empathy neither. but to set his point across and correct him on a lot of stuff he's wrong about. he might be making him even angier. but he was fine with that.

𔓕 𓂅𓄹࣪ ،،⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ❝ So you don't have to tell me something I already know, I know I don't belong here ! I tell myself that everytime one of you passes a look to me in the halls that screams it ! but I'm not leaving . . . downgrade me sure, but I refuse to leave. because if i have to leave and you people drag her back here. I'll never forgive myself !!

. . . I also made a promise to someone important to me . . . that I'll stay by his side. that together we'll be in the dark so he doesn't feel so alone in it anymore !! I always keep my promises. ❞

[koreaweeb]

Red Strings - Thirty-Sixth String

@underc0vercryptid-reads @laraplisetski @omegahighendpro @thooo0t @t3sselated @youngestdelacour @sadeyesgf

TW: SWEARING, VIOLENCE, ABUSE, MENTION OF SUICIDE, MENTION OF SELF-HARM, SEXUAL CONTENT

-

-

“Hey Chishiya, your girl’s on TV.”

Chishiya was on his break when his co-worker popped into the break room, and turned the TV on. As soon as they did, Kurenai’s face appeared on the screen. She was dressed immaculately as usual, but she looked a little different today: much more authoritative. 

By now, almost half the ward was gathered in the break room, all curious. 

Just this morning, news broke that Chuya Atsushi was stepping down as the director of Chuya Group, and that his own daughter was taking over the company. Although the public had yet to know the truth, it was speculated that Kurenai planned a coup against her own father.

Cameras were flashing in the crowd of reporters as Kurenai took her seat at the table, sitting in front of dozens of microphones and recording devices. 

As soon as she sat down, hands were shooting up in the air and individuals were calling out to her as they each have a million questions for her. 

-

“Miss Chuya! Is it true that you planned to usurp your own father?”

“Usurp? Gosh, that’s such a harsh word to use,” Kurenai sighed. “I wouldn’t say I usurped his position. More like...I took over. Yeah, let’s go with that.”

-

“Now that your father is no longer connected with the company, do you think the Chuya Group stocks will tank? What will you do when that happens?”

“I will do absolutely nothing because that will never happen,” Kurenai smiled. “And I’m sure if you did a little more homework before coming here, in the short span of me as director, Chuya Group stocks actually went up.”

-

“Is it true that you are dating a doctor?”

“My my, so nosy. But yes, I am dating a doctor.”

-

“What will happen between Chuya Group and Morita Corporations now that you have publicly rejected marriage with Morita Ichiro?”

“I wish for the business relationship to be maintained between our two companies. Whether or not I marry Morita Ichiro should not affect our business standings. We’re in the twenty-first century for goodness sake. Let’s stop this whole unite through marriage bullshit, shall we?”

-

“Do you think you’ll do a better job than your father at heading the company? You have never worked a single day in your life, after all. Or are you just too privileged and delusional to think that you’d be able to manage basically an empire?”

“Again, if you did your homework, you’d know that I graduated with an MBA at Kyoto University. So to an-”

“Almost everyone has a college degree, it doesn’t mean they have the ability or experience to head an entire corporation.”

“I don’t have to prove anything to you. You’d just have to see the result of my work further down the road. Someone get this person out of here please.”

-

“Miss Chuya, why did you take over from your father? What pushed you to this?”

“Very good question. To put it simply, I do not think my father is fit to lead Chuya Group. Not only is his thinking too traditional for a modern world, but he has been lying and deceiving the public for years. For as long as I can remember, my father has been praised by the public as a loving husband and caring father because that is the image he put forth. Unfortunately, that is far from the truth.

“My father is abusive. He has anger issues and would often take his anger out on his wife and own children. He manipulated the public to think that we are the picture perfect family when behind closed doors, he would beat both my brother and me. He would verbally abuse his employees too. He drove my mother to suicide and had you all thinking that he was a grieving husband who tragically lost his wife to an illness. 

“I called for this press conference partly to explain the slight change in leadership within the company, but mainly to expose my father. That will be all for today’s questions. I know there’s a million more you have in mind, especially after this revelation. Later today, I will be posting evidence of my father’s abuse. Please look forward to it.”

--

All day long, since the beginning of the press conference, the entire nation went into a frenzy. Every news station was reporting on the sudden change in director for Chuya Group. #AtsushiTheAbuser was trending on several media platforms as everyone was deep in discussion on whether or not Kurenai was telling the truth. 

As promised, later that day, Kurenai released a video compilation of Atsushi’s abuse.

To protect himself and his asset, Atsushi had cameras installed in his office. Never did he think it would come back to bite him in the bottom. His secretary had apparently been working with Kurenai, sending her the video files of when he would hit Aoi and Kurenai, or when he would be seen yelling profanity at employees. 

That video went viral within the first hour. 

Following up, Kurenai even released her mother’s autopsy results. While her father was crying in front of the cameras for the loss of his wife, the medical examiner had determined her death to be of suicide and even noted the injuries and bruises on her body consistent with domestic abuse. Though, those results were quickly buried only to be uncovered today.

After the day she had, Chishiya was expecting Kurenai to be exhausted. She had been pulling all-nighters for the past ten days, perhaps she would be fast asleep when he got home. That was when his phone rang. 

It was from Kurenai, but when he answered the call, it was not Kurenai on the other end.

“Hey, are you um...My King?” 

Hearing what Kurenai saved him as on her contacts, he could not help but smile. Fate and soulmates were always bullshit stories to sell romantic dramas and films. Or so Chishiya thought. It was a little hard to hold on to that belief when coincidences like this would happen.

Just as he was ‘My King’ on her phone, she was ‘My Queen’ on his.

“I’m Kurenai’s boyfriend, yes. Who is this?”

“Oh, I’m her friend, Kuina Hikari. I’m calling because um...well, she’s drunk.”

“Drunk?”

“Yeah, drunk. She said she wanted to celebrate something and dragged me to this fancy ass bar. She practically drank two bottles of wine by herself. Can you um...come and pick her up?”

It seemed very out of character for Kurenai to get drunk, though Chishiya could only imagine the stress she had been going through for the past ten days. Perhaps this was her way of letting go after everything went just as she planned. 

Kuina sent him the address for the bar and he arrived there as quickly as he could. They were sat in a corner table, and as he was approaching them, he could see Kuina trying to feed water to a red-faced Kurenai.

“Hey, you must be the boyfriend, right?” Kuina asked. “I saw your picture as her background.”

“Thanks for taking care of her.”

Getting Kurenai home was a breeze as she slept the whole way, although Chishiya did have to carry her when they arrived at the apartment building because she was completely knocked out. As he was putting her in bed, however, she opened her eyes.

“No…” she mumbled, frowning as she was pushing Chishiya away. “I cannot sleep with you. I have a boyfriend.”

“I am your boyfriend.”

“Hm? When did I get such a good looking guy?”

[aspoonofsugar]

(1) It’s interesting that Atsushi and Akutagawa argue over who between them is more privileged even though they’re both the “stray dogs” of society. Akutagawa thinks Atsushi is lucky because the latter gained Dazai’s approval with minimal effort—something Akutagawa’s wanted for years and endured great physical punishment for.

(2) Atsushi, on the other hand, flat out tells Akutagawa, “you have power and status.” To a broke orphan who lives in constant fear of turning into a rampaging weretiger, a high-ranking Port Mafia member with full command over his ability, a still-living relative, and bigger paycheck would seem privileged.

(3) They check different boxes of privilege in each other’s eyes. At the same time, they argue who between them “is more pathetic.” Akutagawa disparages Atsushi’s urge to help people in order to feel self-worth. Atsushi deprecates Akutagawa’s compulsion to murder and obsession with Dazai’s approval.

(4) This is kind of realistic since people do hierarchize “who has it worse” or “who has it better” in order to decide whose needs come first, but media rarely shows the disenfranchised themselves scrutinizing each other, competing for emotional validation, & even sacrificing one another. Or even how their way of protecting each other can be toxic (Koyo & Kyouka).

(5) I wonder if they do more harm to each other than the society that made them strays. How can they empathize while holding each other accountable? How does accountability take form in BSD & what are its possible alternatives? What form could empathy take (outside of Kouyo’s self-projection, if there even is a difference)?—BSD Chat Anon

(1) The reason why I ask if there’s a difference between empathy and self-projection is because self-identification reaps harmful repercussions in BSD. Kouyo projects onto Kyouka, for which Dazai calls the former out on in the manga (I need to start reading these chapters in order). Mori tells Dazai that the latter reminded him of himself.

(2) These cases of self-identification led not to healing, hope-giving, and protecting, but harming, grooming and trapping minors within toxic situations. (Though you can argue that Kouyo was simply misguided and does make up for it later on).

(3) Empathy refers to the ability to understand another person’s emotional and psychological experience. Now, normally we (or I) would think empathy would require some form of self-identification with the person being empathized with. BSD, however, has shown that’s not necessarily the case. So, how does empathy take shape within the series?

Hello!

I think there are many definitions of empathy and I am no expert. That said, I’ll try to answer as best as I can.

I think that in your ask you talk about two different concepts. On one hand there is understanding others’ feelings and where a person is coming from. On the other hand there is projecting on another person.

In the first case, I would talk about empathy, while in the second case I would not. Figuratively, I imagine empathy as “letting the feelings of another person reach you”, while I imagine projection as “painting the person with your own feelings”. The two may be similar and it is also possible that the person projecting may be partly right about what the other person is feeling. This is the case of both Koujo and Mori. I think they are not lying when they say they see themselves in respectively Kyouka and Dazai. Because of their similarities with the two kids, they may also easily see some parts of them others might take more time to discover. However, they taint this knowledge through selfishness. Mori wants to control Dazai’s life out of self-interest. Koujo instead decides what is best for Kyouka ignoring the latter’s wishes. When you ignore what a person wants, you are not being empathic, you are just being selfish.

Generally speaking, I am wary of the idea that an empathic person is an individual, who can instantly understand what others are feeling. I think that it is true some people are more sensitive than others and this may help them be more empathic. However, I think being empathic is also something, which can be learnt to an extent. And in order to learn it, one needs first of all to be ready to listen to others. It is a way of approaching others and not an innate intuitive side (or not only at least).

In other words:

People should be doubted. Many people misunderstand this concept.   Doubting people is just a part of getting to know them. What many people  call “trust” is really just giving up on trying to understand others, and that very act is far worse than doubting. It is actually “apathy”.

Sometimes a conflict can bring to a better understanding of another person. This happens especially with people very different from us. I personally think this is the way BSD represents empathy.

The story presents Akutagawa and Atsushi’s conflict as a conflict, which can enrich them and make them stronger. Of course it is also a conflict, which, like all conflicts, might spiral and destroy them. I think this is why Dazai is there. He must make sure this does not happen. That said, I do not think the story portrays Atsushi and Akutagawa as hurting each other more than what society has hurt them. This could have been potentially true in the beginning, but as time goes on, it is clear their relationship has also beneficial aspects. I mean, Atsushi feels motivated to become stronger and to learn how to control his ability because of Akutagawa. Akutagawa is instead learning how to approach life in a less violent way through Atsushi (the promise not to kill people until their match). If anything, I think their calling each other out is helping them instead of damaging them. Of course nobody is happy to be reminded about one’s shortcoming, but if they are able to actually listen to the other’s feedback (and this is part of developing empathy) they can grow.

Finally understanding where a person is coming from is different from excusing them. To be perfectly honest, you can totally understand why a person acted in a certain way and still dislike them. I think this is ironically made clear by Chuuya and Dazai, who deep down understand each other, but still annoy each other to no end.

I have explored the difference between the two concepts you ask about in your question also in this HxH meta. I call them differently there (namely empathy and sympathy), but I think many points made in that meta may clarify my thoughts about your question.

Thank you for the ask!

[manako-no-yami]

when life begins at a grave

Rating: G Relationship(s): Past Odazai, DazAtsu Tags: First Dates, Fluff and Angst Summary:

A first date, but not a first love. Dazai says goodbye, and then hello. Sometimes, it’s better to let go.

for @dazaimultishipweek2019​ day 2!

-

Dazai closes his eyes, breathing in the scent of sea brine and leans back against the coolness of a familiar gravestone. If he closes his eyes, he can almost imagine that someone else is there, sitting next to him in comfortable silence.

“Did you know this would happen?” he asks, quietly.

Did you know what I would find, over here, on the other side?

There’s no response.

His smile turns wry.

“You must’ve.”

In the end, even I couldn’t have won against you, he thinks to himself.

After all these years, even with all of his cunning, even in this tired and hackneyed world that feels like spinning in circles around and around and around again...people still find ways to surprise him. There is still yet wisdom that is out of his reach. Things that even he, with all of his wretched intellect, has yet to learn.

The joys of being alive, eh?

It is quiet here, except for the distant sound of waves breaking and seagulls.

“This is what you would’ve wanted, right?”

A familiar ache settles in his chest, a wound he continuously scratches open, a pain that he clings to if only to never forget.

He thinks fondly of rough stubble beneath his fingers, straw-like hair the color of burnt sienna, and large, calloused hands on his own. A breeze brushes by and shifts the shadows of the tree above him; a patch of sunlight settles on his shoulder. The warmth is like that of an old friend’s hand.

Go, it whispers. Go to him.

How selfless. How cruel. How cruelly selfless a thing it is, love.

He doesn’t deserve it.

He stands, one hand trailing along the edges of the gravestone.

That painful ache echoes inside the locked chambers of his chest, and he lingers, for just a second longer than he knows he should.

But it’s time.

Reluctantly, he turns to leave, and that same breeze pushes him along, at his back.

 .

The warm light of the setting sun catches on Atsushi’s silvery hair. He’s smiling—gently, fondly. Not for the first time, nor for the last, Dazai thinks he has done nothing to earn such a thing, so freely given.

“Atsushi-kun,” he greets, and is surprised at the affection in his own voice.

“Dazai-san,” Atsushi greets back, and his glow intensifies, ever-bright.

When Dazai returns his smile, Atsushi looks away, flustered. Dazai wonders what he must’ve seen on his own face, to have gained such a lovely reaction. Boldly, he leans forward, and tucks a wayward piece of hair behind the shell of Atsushi’s ear, lingering for just a moment to feel the way it burns as he blushes beneath his touch.

Precious. Unbelievable.

Atsushi is like the morning dew collecting on the petals of a lily, but with all the strength of the tiger hidden within. His will to live burns like a star, whose light outlives even its own death.

So different from the quiet strength and contemplation he once found comfort in. Worlds apart from the bewildered indulgence that once humored him. And yet—they’re so similar in their silent, unwavering drive towards an ambition so mundane it hurts.

How strange it is, this remarkable living while striving for the ordinary.

But you aren’t him, a part of Dazai admits.

“D-Dazai-san,” Atsushi repeats, “why have you called me here?”

Dazai blinks.

“Well, isn’t it obvious?”

Atsushi tilts his head and furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

“I’ve called you here for our first date!”

“Ah, I see—wait, what?”

Atsushi splutters, hands coming up in some half-aborted motion as he looks around him wildly in panic.

“W-what? ” He repeats.

His delayed reaction is so colorful , so full of life, so uniquely Atsushi that Dazai can’t help but smile and let out a laugh.

You are so different, Dazai thinks. Even as laughter bubbles up his throat, his chest continues to ache. You are so different from him.

He hums, locking his fingers together and resting his chin upon them.

“It’s just as I said. You better mark the date down, Atsushi-kun. We’re on our first date.”

“Since when? You? Me? Wha—How did you—?”

Dazai doesn’t bother to hide his glee, kicking his feet beneath the table like a little kid.

“You’re so cute, Atsushi-kun.”

“Dazai-san!” He sounds scandalized, and at this point he’s so red he looks as though he’s a second away from passing out. “Please don’t play tricks on me…”

That vulnerability that Atsushi always carries with him, a beating heart sewn on his sleeve, makes itself known.

No one else Dazai has had the privilege of knowing has ever been quite as vulnerable, nor quite as resilient, as Atsushi is in moments like these.

Dazai makes sure his voice is soft and sincere. Gentle, in a way he didn’t know he had in him to be.

“This isn’t a trick, Atsushi-kun. What kind of senpai would I be, leading my cute little kouhai on like that?”

The way Atsushi's mouth parts in a soft ‘o’, the way his eyes glimmer with hope, the blush riding high on his cheeks—the way he immediately accepts his words, with an infinite well of trust—Dazai makes sure he memorizes it, brands it into his mind. He wants to preserve this moment forever, tuck it into his wallet. He wants to talk about it after they’ve gone on their twentieth, thirtieth date, reminding Atsushi of how flustered he’d been, how adorable. He wants to be able to bemoan the fact that Atsushi won’t remain this shy and sweet once the novelty of their relationship wears off. He wants their familiarity to grow, to bloom.

 .

He wants to tell his best friend about it. They’d get on like wood and fire, he and Atsushi. They’d get on like whiskey and late nights. Like children and storybooks.

He stretches his arm across the table, palm up. Atsushi looks down at it, then back up at him, and then carefully slides his fingers across his, trying and failing to hold back a small smile.

He suspects that, given a little time, Atsushi will be the one leading their relationship, that once he gains confidence he’ll be the one demanding things and keeping him in line. Pushing him forward.

He finds that a part of him can’t wait.

(And yet, another part of him still holds back, wishes to stay in the past. Unwilling to let go.)

Atsushi startles like a frightened mouse as Dazai gets up and sidles into his side of the booth.

“W-What? What is it?” He shrinks away.

“Nothing,” Dazai says, pleasantly. “I just decided I wanted to sit next to you.”

He allows himself a moment to enjoy this, gently teasing Atsushi and watching the way he squawks with indignation at his theatrics.

“Ah! But Atsushi-kun!” Dazai fake-swoons, watching for Atsushi’s reaction out of the corner of his eye, “Could it be? That you feel a deep, burning passion for me, your beloved senpai? What would Kunikida-kun say?!”

Atsushi’s face, much to Dazai’s amusement, immediately morphs into an expression of exasperation. He also relaxes, the jitters flying away as they slip back into their usual banter.

“Excuse me?”

“It must have been so difficult for you! To have been so charmed by my dashing self, to pine day in and day out, to hope so dearly that your feelings would be returned…” He languishes dramatically upon cheap vinyl upholstery.

“Dazai-san...” Atsushi pinches his nose, “please shut up. The other patrons are looking.”

“Ah, but fear not!” Dazai yells, purposely raising his voice. “I am here to confess! Your hopes have been fulfilled, A-tsu-shi-kun! Your burning passion is all but matched by the flame that smolders within my very own breast!”

“You can take your confession elsewhere, Dazai-san, I don’t want it anymore.”

“Oh? ‘Anymore’, you say? Meaning you did want it at some point!”

Atsushi groans.

“Please don’t remind me of my past mistakes, Dazai-san.”

As the night goes on, he watches for the way Atsushi hesitates before carefully leaning his head upon Dazai’s shoulder, feels the way Atsushi’s hair tickles his neck when he leans closer to listen when Dazai lowers his voice to just above a whisper.

By the end of the day, Atsushi has relaxed, belly full of food and laughter.

I did that, Dazai marvels, when he catches sight of Atsushi’s delighted smile.

“Dazai-san…” Atsushi starts.

“Hmm?”

“Does this mean we’re…that we’re…”

“Boyfriends? Dating?”

Atsushi nods, suddenly looking very small.

“I’d like that, yes. If you would, too.” Dazai says.

He keeps his tone light, nonchalant. Hides his own uncertainty behind that same mask he’s always used—the one that might as well have been made of glass for all it hid from his first and only friend, if only because that friend had had a mask of his own.

Atsushi has no such mask. He doesn’t suspect a thing. He just...accepts the words, as they are.

It’s gotten late now. The moon rises above the metropolis, her glow muted by the city’s light pollution.

“Have you…done this before?”

Atsushi’s expression is open, easy to read. Uncertain, indecisive, afraid. Hopeful. Kind. Trusting.

And his question shatters through every layer of carefully constructed composure that Dazai had. He swallows, and struggles.

This power, this naked honesty, this bare earnestness with which Atsushi wields his unassuming curiosity, is a force that Dazai cannot reckon with. It’s something that none of his experiences could have prepared him for.

It’d do you some good to get used to honesty, the ghost says.

You’re right, Dazai thinks.

But acknowledging it doesn’t make it any easier.

“…There was someone else, once,” Dazai says, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “But, no. Between the Port Mafia and the agency, no. I’ve never been in a serious relationship before, though I’ve been on a few dates in the name of gathering intel or for a mission. You?”

Atsushi relaxes a bit, and thankfully, doesn’t ask.

“You already know the answer to that, Dazai-san.”

“Ah, but you see, I don’t. A cutie like you? Single his whole life? Preposterous!”

“Oh, stop.” He flushes again, but a pleased smile lights upon his lips. Besides that date with Kyouka, he’d never been in a relationship either.

So this will be new for both of them, then.

Dazai lets himself relax a little, ghost settling back in his bones.

See, that wasn’t so bad, was it, the voice whispers. You can trust him. You can open up to him, if you wanted to.

But it will hurt, he argues. It will hurt, because you never needed to ask any questions to know their answers, and it will hurt because you won’t be there.

There’s a pause, a comfortable lull in their conversation. They’re only a block or so away from the agency dormitories when Atsushi speaks up again.

“Can…can we hold hands?”

Dazai’s steps falter for a moment. He hadn’t expected Atsushi to be so brave as to ask, this first night.

“Of course.”

Their hands brush once, then pull away, as though they were both surprised at the feel of another’s skin, before coming back together, fingers linking messily. Atsushi’s smile glows in the moonlight. Dazai has to stop himself from gulping, barely catching himself before his feet could fumble beneath him. It takes him a second to remember to smile back, but when he does, he’s rewarded with another blush, and a returning clench of their hands.

They stop outside of Atsushi’s room, loathe to part.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Dazai-san,” Atsushi says, at last.

“See you, Atsushi-kun.”

When Atsushi has disappeared back into his room, Dazai lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

“Well, that went well enough, didn’t it?”

No one answers him, of course. After all, there’s no one there. No one and nothing but a gentle breeze, blowing back his hair with a gentle sigh.

And yet, he chuckles out loud anyway. Perhaps, just for his own benefit.

 .

It’s so strange. After a lifetime of solitude…he doesn’t feel alone anymore. It still hurts—he suspects it will always hurt—but the ghost that had haunted him has finally been laid to rest. The voice in his head is quiet, and in the silence is something like sorrow. Something like sorrow, and acceptance.

It’s like the smile you wear as you wave goodbye to a friend. A very old, and dear friend.

“Thank you,” he whispers.

Thank you, Odasaku.

Thank you, and goodbye.

[codename-bewareofthefangirl]

I love your marriage proposal headcanons! Thank you so much for answering my request. Can you do them this time for Aomine, Kise, Murasakibara, Himuro and Mayuzumi?

Hi dear! Aw, I’m so happy you liked them! *-* I hope you’ll like these the same! Let me know!

Have a nice day!

Aomine Daiki, Kise Ryouta, Murasakibara Atsushi, Himuro Tatsuya, Mayuzumi Chihiro Wedding Proposal Headcanons

Aomine Daiki

-I imagine Aomine being totally lost about it. He really, really want to propose…but something stops him every time and he gets more and more irritated. Once it’s his cowardice, another time your annoying friends, than he doubts himself… He just can’t imagine answering yes. And he hates it. He hates feeling not at his best, feeling as he’s going to lose. So, he decides he’s going to ask it when he really his as his top.

-He waits for the last match of the international basketball tournament of the year. He had asked the coach to let you sit on the benches during the match so that it’s going to be easy for him to reach you. Everyone says it’s the best match Aomine has ever played: he’s the king of the court, a wild animal without leashes, unstoppable. The number one. Every time he scores he grins widely.He crushes his adversaries, even if they we’re a powerful team. Because this time he can’t afford to lose. Not tonight. He has a bet with himself.

-When, finally, they are celebrating on the podium and the presenter had put around his neck the golden medal, he jumps down from his place and walks right to you, who are already enthusiastic about the victory and jumping around excitedly. All the eyes of the entire gym and the cameras are on you two, but Aomine sees only you. A smirk on his lips, face still flushed and eyes glimmering.

-He stops in front of you and takes off the medal to put it around your neck.“This is probably going to be the best day of my life,” he grins as you watch him speechless. He then takes off the chain necklace you’ve bought him for his birthday.But, hanging from it, there a shining silver ring with a sapphire.“But only if you say yes, babe,” He kneels and stretches it to you, as you cover your mouth.“A-Are you serious?” You mutter and tears roll down your cheeks.“Hell yes,” he scoffs blushing, “And please answer, don’t make it even more embarrassing.”You literally jump into his arms, without words to answer properly but “Yes. Yes! Yes!”

Kise Ryouta-Kise devises different plans for week. He wants it to be special, but doesn’t want reporters or fangirls ruining the moment. So, what to do?Simple, he kidnaps you.

-I mean, being a famous pilot brings some privileges no? He rent a small plane just for the two of you and one day, without warning you, instead of dropping you at your best friend’s house, he just puts you on it with two suitcases and a smirk on his face.

-He makes you sit beside him as he maneuvers, with a glass of champagne in your hand. You try to make him talk and ask for reasons, but he evades them and keeps his mouth sealed, chatting instead.

-He brings you in a natural paradise on top of the world, far from the cities and immersed in the starry skies. Looking around, on the peak of a mountain or a hill, you don’t know, you can see only stars and stars. Just the two of you for once. No public, no fangirls, no photographers and reporters. Just you and Kise.He shows it to you with pride as soon as you step out, in awe. He had planned to ask it after a romantic dinner outside (picnic gourmet) and while whispering to each other but…he’s too enthusiastic. Excited.Imagine him laughing openly as he spins with his arms open, shining blond hair against the night.“SO!” he calls laughing at himself and at the world, “I swear I planned it properly, but if I wait a second more I could explode!” He takes your hands into his and drags you away from the plane and almost into the sky.You’re without words, a giddy chuckle escapes your lips as his happiness is rubbing off on you.“This is beautiful!” you whisper and he beams pointing up.“Do you see the stars?” You nod tilting your head and he smiles as a child.“They’re my love for you!” he pronounces easily and heartfeltly, but your heart misses a beat. And, before you can recover from it, he kneels and offers you an open velvet box.A silver ring with a topaz shines in it.“Please, be my star forever.” His hands are trembling even if he’s faking to be calm and smooth but…his golden eyes are so fond, so warm as he watches you as the most precious of the treasures.Crying, you throw yourself at him and hug your boyfriend tightly. He picks and spins you around, repeating against your ear, “I’m so happy, so happy…”

-You spend the next three days in a luxurious onsen near where you’ve landed.

Murasakibara Atsushi-In a domestic, sweet and comfy way. It’s just that for you it’s like being already married, you already live like that so…Murasakibara realizes you’re not only when one of his friend tells him he’s going to marry.

-It’s a normal evening. You two are eating at the table what he has cooked and you are chatting happily about the day, as he nods, listening even if he seems not to. You think it’s going to be a normal night: you’ll wash the plates and he’ll dry them, putting them away since he’s taller. Maybe then some cuddles on the couch, laughing and munching sweets. In the end, sleeping curled in Murasakibara’s arms. But then Murasakibara starts a new conversation out of nowhere and changes the rest of your lives in few seconds.

“We’re like married, aren’t we?” He’s stopped eating and his words sound casual, as he looks up from his plate and meets your gaze. You nearly choke on your food and cough, embarrassed by the sudden change of topic.“I-I think so…” You stutter, not daring to lower your gaze but already feeling your cheeks getting redder.“But we aren’t,” He adds calmly. A sting to your heart, but you manage to keep your smile.“Yeah…”“Then let’s make it official.” And suddenly Murasakibara is stretching to you a small, open box. In the middle you can see a golden ring with three amethyst.“W-what…?”“Marry me, SO.”You blinked at him completely lost, fear and happiness swirling in your mind.“How-Why-I-”“It’s already like we’re married no? I just want to make this official,” he shrugs, “So that I’m sure you’re going to be with me forever.”Maybe is seeing his red cheeks or the way his hand is slightly trembling, but everything clicks and you start crying. Stumbling you leave your seat and hug him tightly, as Murasakibara pulls you in his laps and buries his face in the crook of your neck.“Yeah, let’s make it official. Our forever.”

Himuro  Tatsuya-He’s the mysterious and cool guy who likes to tease, that’s how I see him in a relationship. So, a simple thing but meaningful for you. Unexpected.

-He just picks you from work one evening and instead of bringing you home, he drives till your old high school. You are confused, but as always he just smirks and teases you without revealing his intentions.“How do you even have the keys?”“I have my ways, don’t worry.”“I don’t think this is legal you know?”“Maybe it isn’t..”You want to pout but his chuckle is too cute and endearing to do it for real. And you’re also starting to feel a bit excited and fidgety; especially because you’ve seen how he’s playing with the car keys or how he draws circles with his thumb on the back of your hand, as he guides you through the corridors.

-Finally, you arrive to your old classroom. The one you shared in your third year. He opens the door and you gasp in surprise. Inside, two small desk have been set for dinner, glowing candles scattered around the classroom giving a special atmosphere.“Do you remember?” You nearly jump for the surprise as he leans to whisper in your ear, cold breath lingering on your skin.“W-what?”He chuckles and gently guides you inside.“Here you took the courage and confessed to me,” He recalls with a soft smile, “We’d been dancing around each other for months…but you were the one who confessed first in the end. Stuttering and blushing…but so brave.”You blush even now, slowly understanding where this is going. He lets your hand go and you stop walking. Himuro reaches the table and takes something, before turning to face you again.“So, I thought it was my turn this time.” He’s smiling so wide as you’ve never seen. Your eyes fill with tears even before he kneels and offers to you the open box.“I’m Himuro Tatsuya, currently a teacher. I’m sorry if I called you here tonight, but I love you,” he mimicked the confession of years ago, “Would you marry me, SO?”You nod with conviction, trying not to sob too hard; giggles get mixed with your tears.“I-I’d love to.” Himuro beams as he takes your hand and slips on the finger the weaved silver ring.“Please take care of me, my wife.”

Mayuzumi Chihiro-It’s a real torture for him. I mean, going out of his way to be tender and sweet to marry you? Come on, you know him, he knows he’s going to sound fake to you if he tries. He also knows that you’re able to put up with his personality so…how to ask it without being cheesy or pathetic? All those tutorials and videos have been useless and he’s getting more and more frustrated. Why is it so difficult?

-In the end, he swallows his pride and asks Akashi how to propose. His former captain laughs amused and tells him, “Why not doing it as you always do? Silent, concise but demanding? If she had already put up with you until now, she’s not going to run away.” And he hits the mark: maybe, just maybe, Mayuzumi is a bit scared of being rejected and that’s why at first he’d thought to do something extra sweet.

-In the end, he just can’t take it anymore. He brings you out for dinner in a nice and quiet place you both enjoy. While walking to the restaurant you notice he’s being more annoyed and snappy than usual, but you don’t ask anything…especially because you can see him glancing at you when he thinks you’re not looking. A bit worried, a bit uneased and with bags under his eyes.Knowing him, you’re going to know soon.

-During dinner, he tries his best to be his usual calm and quiet self, but it’s vain. He’s so clumsy you can’t believe to your eyes. When he accidentally elbow a passing waiter and nearly makes him spill a plate of soup, you can’t restrain your laughter anymore.“Oh Chihiro,” you chuckle amused, “What’s wrong?” you ask him giddy. It’s so funny to see him like this for once.It’s your warm and honest smile that breaks him.“I was trying to propose but I’m only messing up,” he pouts averting his eyes.You stop breathing. What?Mayuzumi doesn’t notice and continues explaining, totally caught in his frustration, “I’ve been trying to propose for more than a month but everything seemed stupid. Or pathetic. How people propose anyway?” he grumbled, ruffling his head.

“P-propose?” you whisper with wide eyes. And he freezes.Mayuzumi finally looks at you, realizing what’s going on, and gulps. Slowly, to save the rest of the night, he slip out of his pocket a gray velvet box and opens it in front of you.“So, would you marry me?” He nervously asks as you shift your gaze on the silver ring with a small diamond, “Even if this is the most horrible proposal ever made. I’m sorry if I wasted all those years reading novels and then I ended up doing…this.”You laugh. You laugh warm and giddy, crystal tears on your cheeks.“Yes Chihiro! Yes!”He sighs in relief and quickly grab your hand to put on your finger the ring, before you could change idea.“Did you really thought I’d reject you?” you giggle, weaving together your fingers.He blushes hard before turning his head away.“Absolutely no.”“Liar.”