#imagine being tam in that moment | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tiredofthehumanlife · 1 month ago

Text

Lakeside naps

Barbie dolls: Peacekeeper! Coriolanus x gn!Covey!Reader

Word: 6.4k

Summary: you get nightmares after the games all Abt your mentor dying in front of you and when you catch a glimpse of him in the crowd you freak

Warnings: nightmares, death, blood, guns, the games™️, uh private snow is like chill with ppl seeing him with a covey bc I'm too lazy to write that conflict, before coryo loses his shit so he still has friends, him and Lucy Gray are besties in the in-law sense, you and the Covey are tight, 🤞besties for the resties, you scratch yourself on oopsies so like accidental self harm ig idk man, panic attacks and trauma kinda, nausea mentioned, you play an instrument now cuz you're Covey, yeah that's it

You hadn't thought of life after the Games when your name was called. You decided right then and there, that was the sound of your name getting etched into a gravestone. The stone your family would all surround and leave brightly colored flowers on.

You shakily made it up to the stage not daring to meet anyone's eyes. Standing next to the mayor you stared at all the faces of the Covey watching you in horror.

A scream to the left shocked you out of your self-pity. You looked over to see a man you knew always dropped something in your basket at the Hob pulling a thrashing Maude Ivory back into the crowd. She wasn't nearly old enough to have her name in the drawing, thank the stars. She yanked and pulled at the man, trying to run towards you. You hated being a whim to your nature, but you still cried out her name in response. Maude Ivory paused her movements, holding still in the man's arms. Two peacekeepers noticed all the hustle and bustle, holding onto your arms to pull you away.

“I’ll be okay! I'll be fine! Just keep singing, baby! Keep your head high!” You screamed at Maude Ivory. You struggled against the hold of the Peacekeepers.

You weren't sure if you've ever hated the Capitol more than in that moment. With Lucy Gray pushing people out of the way to pull Maude Ivory from the man's arms and hold Maude to her rainbow dress. With Peacekeepers’ fingers digging into the skin of your arm. With the guarantee of your death pinned to your shirt as you were now a tribute. With all the struggle you put in to make it where you were now, thrown out the window for a little Capitol enjoyment.

In the moment it all seemed bleak. Later in the arena it was still really fucking bleak but you knew you had at least one person in your corner. Your mentor, Coriolanus. With each moment of the game, you kept the Covey and home out of your head. You couldn't bear to think of what they were feeling if they got to reach the TV signal. You didn't think about what it would be like to go home. You thought of him. Thankfully he was rather attractive so thinking about him wasn't anything difficult.

When you won, you thought of him more. He saved your life, technically. Coriolanus cheated for you, you knew that. Holding the compact in your hands was enough evidence of that. You didn't know what that meant for him but you knew one thing. You got to go home. On the travel back to 12, you thought of everything.

You thought of your home, though a little shabby it was better than most people in District 12 had. It was warm with the love of all your family. You couldn't wait to get back into some clean bright clothes and sing on stage again.

You thought of how Maude Ivory would lose her mind. You thought of how CC would show you all the cool things he scavenged, fun feathers, shiny rocks, and a bottle cap from thirty years ago he found in the mud. At least that's what you would imagine he found in the time you were gone. You thought of Barb Azure sitting you down and telling you of all her romantic drama that you missed. You thought of Tam Amber pulling you into a hug. He didn't need to tell you anything you just needed to be held in your family's arms for a few minutes. You thought of Lucy Gray rattling on about all the songs she had been working on.

You thought of Coriolanus. What happened to him? Did he get caught? Was he already getting ready for University? Was he thinking of you? Did you mean as much to him as he meant to you? Did he even really care that you won besides the fact that it meant he won, too? He was so hard to get a read on. You gave up on trying to figure out what happened to him. Your life in the Capitol was over and therefore any relationships that spawned from it were over, romantic or not.

When you did get home, you got the warmest welcome you could've ever imagined. The sky was clear thankfully, you worried about the rain soaking through your clothes. The rain must've noticed how important this day was for you because it held back its downpour.

When you stomped up the wooden steps, knocking on the door like it wasn't your own home, you heard yelling. The first one out the door was Maude Ivory. She came barreling towards you, her arms in the air and a laugh radiating off her body. You quickly scooped her up and hugged her tightly. She relaxed in your arms, letting out a muffled cry into your shirt.

“I told you I'd be fine, didn't I?” you asked. You were lying when you told her that over her screams. Now you were going to say it was just intuition. You'll take credit for that. Maude Ivory pulled back and wiped at her face. She nodded.

“Yes. I'm so glad you're back.” She whispered pulling on your dirty clothes. You worried there was still blood somewhere on them but the sound of a herd of feet rushing through the house washed away your worries.

You heard the back screen door slam its wooden frame against the wall. By the footsteps of the runner, you could tell it was Barb Azure making her way around the wrap-around porch. She crashed into you soon after, flinging you to the wooden planks. You laughed on the ground, hugging her back. You both sat up as she started speaking a mile a minute about how happy she was to see you again. You ignored the pain in the back of your head from crashing, much more concerned with the growing appearances of your family.

CC and Tam Amber were next, falling to their knees and scooting closer to you. Tam Amber pulled you into a hug just like you knew he would. CC was tugging on your arm in excitement. You couldn't catch up to his words but you caught ‘rock’, ‘actually a geode’, ‘bright blue’, and ‘fluffy’. You didn't bother trying to come up with the meaning.

Lucy Gray was last, dropping her guitar to the ground a little too hard in your opinion. She pulled you into a tight hug, kissing all over your head and clutching you to her chest. You laughed and pulled away, holding your arms out to all of your family's bright eyes. You couldn't imagine being happier than when you were held in a giant group hug from them all.

Your first night back you couldn't sleep, like your body weren't sure if you were out of the arena yet. Lucy Gray stayed up with you, trying to lull you to sleep with songs.

It didn't work until the third night. You had clutched onto her tight she didn't even bother trying to leave your bed. Lucy Gray stopped her song when your breathing was slow and you stopped wiggling around. She fell asleep holding you to her chest and she felt a stone leave her shoulders at the thought of you finally being comfortable back home.

That was the first night you realized you were never leaving the Games. You might be out of the arena but your mind would always have that stain of blood on it.

The colorful snakes were wrapping around your body, holding you to a chair. You gasped as one started to wrap around your throat. It started to tighten as a light turned on the other side of the room.

There he was, your mentor Coriolanus tied to a chair. He flung his head up, his hair falling out of place and his red uniform dissolved as he thrashed against the restraints. Your hands flashed to the snake around your throat as a gun pressed to his temple. You tried to scream and pull away but you weren't successful, the snakes pulled on your skin and cut off your air supply. You were positive you were going to have bruises if you managed to survive. You couldn't even gasp with the snake around your neck tightening more. As the snake opened its mouth and lunged to bite your neck the gun went off.

You screamed as you sat up in the bed, trying to scramble away from Coriolanus’ headless body and the snakes. Lucy Gray bolted up from the mattress, searching for the trouble around the room. You hit your head on the wall as you kept pushing yourself back, pulling at the snakes around your arms and neck. Your hands came back empty.

“Off! Get them off! Help Lucy Gray! Please! Get them off me!” You screamed continuing to pull at the colorful scales. Lucy Gray reached out and pulled your hands away, cupping your face.

“There's nothing on you, you're safe. You're not in the arena. It's okay.” Lucy Gray said. Your breath came back to your lungs as you came into your surroundings again. Coriolanus’ brains weren't splattered on your wall. There were no snakes. You were home in your bed.

Lucy Gray scooted next to you and pulled your head to her chest. You clutched onto her as you slowly came back into your body. Your cheeks were wet and your arms and throat were stinging. When you glanced down at your arms you realized you had scratched yourself in efforts to pull the snakes off. Lucy Gray started humming and rocking you back and forth. You sighed against her, impossibly glad you were home.

“He died.” You whispered. Even if it was a part of your nightmare it doesn't mean it was any less plausible. The Capitol was bloodthirsty, if they found out about what he did for you he'd be dead in seconds. Lucy Gray tutted and rubbed your shoulder.

“No, no. He's just fine. Up in the Capitol, getting ready for the University of his dreams. He's not in any trouble. You don't need to worry about him, that was just your dream.” Lucy Gray said, dropping a kiss to the top of your head. You knew she had absolutely no idea whether or not Coriolanus was okay but his words still helped soothe your heart. You wiped at your face while staying in her hold. The bedroom door flung open and Lucy Gray’s humming stopped. The rest of the Covey were dressed in their pajamas, each with their own weapon.

Tam Amber was wielding a pan. He looked around the room, swishing it around like he could catch the offender off guard. Barb Azure must’ve followed him to the kitchen to find a weapon because she was holding a knife at her side. CC had his hands raised up like a ninja, hopping around the room in a strange stance. Maude Ivory was holding a stray guitar string between her hands. You wondered if she thought of using it as a garrote and if so where did she get that idea?

“It was just a nightmare, you all can go back to sleep.” You said, watching as they all dropped their shoulders in relaxation. Maude Ivory dropped one side of the string. She stepped closer to the bed, staring at you severely.

“Was it about the Capitol?” She asked. You nodded, feeling another wave of tears choke on the back of your throat. Maude Ivory sighed.

“I’m okay now Maude, just go back to bed.” You reassured, pulling away from Lucy Gray. You just needed Maude Ivory to go to sleep already. She gets grumpy without enough sleep. Maude Ivory shook her head and climbed up into the bed with you. Barb Azure went around the group, collecting their weapons, and left the room. CC and Tam Amber ventured closer to the bed, like slowly inching toward a wounded and scared dog. Maude Ivory pulled you into a hug.

“I just want you to be okay, I wish they never sent you into that stupid Capitol.” Maude Ivory said into your shoulder. You returned the hug. You shouldn’t feel guilty for scaring Maude Ivory. You still do. You hummed and pressed your cheek against the top of her messy hair.

“I’ll be okay, sweetheart. My brain is just scared because it thinks I’m still there. I’ll be okay.” You said, petting down the knot of hair at the back of her head. You should start braiding her hair before bed this is a hot mess. Maude Ivory hums and pulls back slightly. CC stood in front of you reaching his hand out for you. You held onto it.

“Are you sure? You can talk to us. Promise, you can tell us anything.” CC said. If the arena was different, if your choices were different, if being a tribute was something entirely different than it was, you could’ve shared. It’s not as simple as that. Telling a 12 and 8-year-old you helped in the murder of children, just isn’t the same as telling them you had a bad dream about getting eaten by a shark. You can’t tell CC that though, instead giving him a smile and nodding. Barb Azure joined the informal family gathering with no weapons this time.

“I’m fine, CC. I just made a friend while I was there and I had a bad dream he got hurt, that's all. I’m okay.” You assured, rubbing your thumb over the back of his hand. CC wasn’t nearly as skeptical as Tam Amber. CC smiled and accepted your answer. Tam Amber raised an eyebrow at you, crossing his arms over his body. Barb Azure noticed the twist of the attitude in the air.

“Okay come on, kiddos. We have a big day tomorrow. Time to get to bed.” Barb Azure said, shooing CC and Maude Ivory out of the room to their shared room. There were only three bedrooms so it was usual to share. You and Lucy Gray shared, your beds on either side of the room. Lucy Gray had joined you in yours after the first night of insomnia. Tam Amber and Barb Azure shared. As Tam Amber stared you down, you wished he was a heavier sleeper. Barb Azure joined the room again, saying CC and Maude Ivory were tucked into bed. Tam Amber sat down on the bed next to you, taking your hand into his and staring at you. Barb Azure sat on the ground in front of you, looking up at you.

“Tell us, everything. If you have to carry the weight of the Games, so do we. Maybe CC and Maude get to stay ignorant but we don’t. If it hurts you this way we need to know in order to help.” Tam Amber said. You sighed and leaned into his side.

Lucy Gray, Barb Azure, and Tam Amber all listened intently as you told them everything. Step by step. Every detail you could remember. Every single detail. By the end of it, Barb Azure was pressing a hand to her mouth to keep her nausea down. Lucy Gray was holding your arm to her chest like she was scared her name was about to get called. Tam Amber had hidden his head behind your shoulder.

It took a lot of strength but you were so glad you shared. It made the weight easier. You could breathe a little easier. They were all supportive of you.

Maude Ivory and CC were helpful in their childish and innocent ways. It helped you see the light of your situation. Sure maybe you were a murderer but your cousins would’ve been devastated if you had died.

Tam Amber understood when you just wanted to be quiet, not alone, just quiet. You’d both sit in comfortable silence. Silence was rare with Covey around but the others stayed quiet when they passed by the silent room. Maude Ivory even tiptoed.

Barb Azure understood when you just needed to think about something else, talking animatedly about all the drama and gossip floating around town. All her troubles and simple things to keep your thoughts on something else.

Lucy Gray knew all the messy parts of life after the Games. The nightmares, the cries, the screams, all the pain. Tam and Barb knew too of course but not like her. She held you through the nightmares, singing to relax you. She’d take you out to the meadow to let you scream, throw rocks, and kick trees. She comforted you when your foot hurt from kicking trees.

Finally, the Covey got their gig at the Hob back. Really you never lost it but apparently, the rest of the Covey couldn’t handle singing on a stage without your presence.

You felt like you were getting back into your life when you stepped up onto the stage. The band felt lively as everyone’s sounds were harmonizing again. You were so happy your talent with your instrument didn’t disappear with the stability of your mind and innocence. Your smile returned and you felt at home. More than you did when your family knocked you to the wooden planks of your front porch.

As you played your instrument with your whole heart glad you were back in with the band. All the sounds of your family playing a sound that made the audience dance along. You stuck to Tam Amber’s side, glad he floated towards the back wall. Not that you didn’t trust your back with your family but the anxiety from that stupid arena made you feel like someone might sneak up behind you. You moved along with the song, a slight dance in your step as you kept playing. Tam Amber gave you a smile, glad to see you comfortable.

You returned the smile, looking away from him to drag the smile to the audience’s faces. You kept your slight dance, a bob really.

The audience was always a mixture of all kinds of people. Starving miners who just want to get drunk and dance, mothers and fathers with sleeping kids at home keeping their drinks down to a minimum, and even some peacekeepers from the base on the edge of town. You glanced around at the faces.

You saw the man who held back Maude Ivory, smiling as bright as you’ve ever seen him. He was probably happy to see the whole Covey family together again. You saw two peacekeepers dance with each other, laughing loudly even if their steps are messy. A woman was tap dancing in the corner. You would’ve laughed at that but you were just glad she was happy tap dancing in worker boots on dirt floors. Your smile grew as you saw your home dancing around to the music you were making. As you looked over at another group of people, your eyes snagged on a familiar face.

He was bobbing up and down. His head was shaved and his lips were trying to smother the smile on his face. He wasn’t in his red uniform anymore, instead casual clothes you knew the peacekeepers were issued. Even with all the changes you knew it was him.

Coriolanus saw you and gave you a small smile. You didn’t smile back, your hands stalling on your instrument. Him being here could only mean one thing. No, two things. No, too many things.

He was dead and haunting you for technically being the reason for his death. He actually wasn’t there and you have officially lost your mind. You were hallucinating. He was here to get revenge on you for being the reason he got banished to District 12. The Games were still on no matter which one it was.

Your smile and instrument fell at the same time. You gasped for air as you felt the walls closing in on you. He was coming to kill you. Everyone else in the crowd was on his side. You ducked down behind Tam Amber, pressing your palms into your ears to stop the rapid heartbeat ringing in them.

Tam Amber ditched the tune he was plucking out, squatting next to you and shielding you from the audience. He rubbed your back, whispering in your ear all the things Lucy, Barb, and Tam realized helped ground you. Your name. Your family’s names. Your home. Your current location, and simple reassurances that calmed your breathing.

As your breathing came back to you, you noticed how there was no music behind you. Your name was being yelled over and over again by someone off to the side. The crowd’s laughter and enjoyment had been deduced to murmurs.

You lifted your head and looked around you. Your back was to the audience and your entire family was staring at you with concern. Their song was left behind, your health is more important than keeping the audience entertained. You furrowed your eyebrows at the yells to your side. It wasn’t your family, they were all whispering reassurances. You pulled yourself onto your knees, looking over Tam Amber’s head to find the voice. Coriolanus was pawing at the edge of the stage, calling your name so many times it started to lose its meaning.

Worry was etched into his face, staring at you like he just watched you get stabbed. You ducked back into the huddle of Covey colors. You started muttering to yourself about the dangers. You’ve definitely lost your marbles. You started to lose track of your breathing again, getting worked up over his hidden plans. You lunged and latched onto Lucy Gray’s shoulders, startling her.

“He’s going to kill me. He’s here for revenge. Gutted like a fish, gutted gutted. I killed him, he’s haunting me.” You felt like you were wrapped up in another nightmare, tugging at the snakes around your throat again. Tam Amber and Barb Azure latched onto your hands, stopping you from scratching anymore. Lucy Gray gripped onto your cheeks holding you steady.

“He is not going to hurt you. He saved you remember? You’re not in the Games, you survived. You’re home. You’re in the Hob. Remember?” Lucy Gray asked, taking your hand and pressing it against the wooden stage in District 12. Not the concrete covered in blood in the Capitol.

You took in a deep breath, feeling every set of eyes on you. Maybe they should all see this. Watch you lose your shit so they remember the Games are nothing to enjoy. Not that many people from 12 cared much for them anyway. Your eyes snapped over to Coriolanus.

Would a vengeful spirit look so concerned over your pain? You doubted it. You didn’t dare stumble to your feet, the chance of falling far too high. Your head was still light from the lack of oxygen. You slowly started to crawl towards the edge of the stage, leaving your huddle of Covey warmth to venture towards the possibility of the real Coriolanus Snow in front of you.

Coriolanus jumped over the lip of the stage, inching towards you on the wooden panels. You stopped halfway there, letting him come to you. He slowed as he reached you, holding his hand out like an offering. You wrapped it in yours, making sure he wasn’t a ghost or hallucination, or what have you. Coriolanus took this as a good sign, sliding across the floor to saddle up next to you. He watched as you pulled your attention to his face. You reached out and held onto his cheek. Coriolanus leaned into it before he could stop himself.

“Are you alright?” He whispered. You shook your head in disbelief as your hand traveled from his cheek to his eyebrow, nose, hairline, and lips. You pulled your fingertip over the both of them, resting in on his chin.

“Are you real?” You muttered back, watching his lips to see if they didn’t move right. Coriolanus let out a laugh at that, showing his teeth at you.

“Yes, I am.” He said, gently tapping your jawline, making you tilt your chin up. You shook your head, it couldn’t make less sense. He was Capitol through and through, there was no way he would set that down for District 12.

“Why are you here? You’re supposed to be getting ready for university in the fall?” You ask, reaching out for his face again. You held on to the sides of his head, running them back to run over his incredibly short hair. Coriolanus smiled at you, tilting his head back with your hands.

“They caught me cheating. They sent me to 8 but I made them send me here. I could see you then, at least that's what I hoped. Here you are.” He said, pulling your hands away from his head and holding them to his chest. You frowned.

“So now you’re stuck as a peacekeeper for what? 15? 20? 25 Years? All because you wanted to get that prize, you lost it.” You pressed your lips into a thin line and tried to hold back the guilt you felt. He shook his head, bringing your hands to his lips. He kissed each of your knuckles.

“I didn’t lose anything. I wanted you to win, to live. I’m holding you in my hands right now, alive and well. All things considered, I’ve won.” Coriolanus said, pulling you closer to him. You shook your head.

“I don’t know about the 'well' part. I’m not exactly adapting well to life outside the arena.” You said, glancing over at your family staring at you. Watching your every move in case of a call for help. You gave them a small smile. Tam Amber raised an eyebrow. You nodded and the Covey moved to stand up. Lucy Gray made her way to the mic, making up a softer version of what was happening.

“What! You? No way! That panic attack from just seeing me wasn’t a sign at all. Or a hit to my ego, to be perfectly frank.” Coriolanus joked. You snorted, knocking your head against his shoulder.

“It was a bit of a shock. I miss your curls they were so pretty.” You said and dragged your hands over his buzz cut again. Coriolanus was smiling at you, letting you explore the new short hair. You shook your head and dropped your hands to his cheeks.

“Do you hate it that much?” He asked, cupping your cheeks. You leaned into his palm, smiling at the contact.

“No, no. I like it. You came to 12, for me?” You asked, catching up to his words. Coriolanus nodded.

“Why?” You asked. Coriolanus pulled his hands away from your face, resting on your forearms. Coriolanus’ smile faltered. He gave you a half-shrug, looking away from your face.

“I care for you. I want to keep you safe and stay with you.” Coriolanus said, tightening his hold on your arms. You wrapped your arms around him, pressing your ear to his chest to listen to his heartbeat.

“I’m glad you’re here, I missed you.” You whispered into his shirt. Coriolanus hugged you back. Eventually, you pulled apart and you left the emptying Hob. Apparently the mess of your outburst and a peacekeeper hugging a Covey? Well, that’s unheard of.

You were shocked when the town seemed to stay quiet about the whole thing. Not silent, you weren’t sure they could do that. Quiet.

When you went into town to pick up some groceries with Lucy Gray, plenty of passersby stopped to ask if you were feeling any better. One even said he hoped you and your peacekeeper friend were both doing okay. ‘What a reunion! Hope he made it back to the base before curfew. See and that’s-‘ and then he started a rant about how strange youngins and military rules were. You were finally able to slip away from the conversation after saying you heard someone calling you.

As you stared at the produce counter, deciding which vegetables you should get, someone joined you at your side. You ignored them, still not sure which ones were worth the performances the Covey had to put on in order to get this money.

“Personally I’d get the potatoes, but tomatoes always add a nice garnish to things.” You’d recognized the voice a thousand miles away. You looked at him, smiling just at the sight of him.

“Why Private Snow, don’t you have duties to attend to?” You joked, handing over a few coins for three potatoes. You added them to your bag, walking away from the stand. Just as you expected, Coriolanus followed after you.

“Oh no it’s a free day. I’m just supposed to stay with Sejanus. We have to adhere to the buddy system. It’s ridiculous.” Coriolanus shook his head at the annoyance. You spotted Lucy Gray at a stand of her own. It was about time for you two to go anyway. You looked back at Coriolanus, ignoring every word that came from his mouth.

“There’s a lake. Really only Covey knows about it. What do you think of you and your buddy joining us next weekend?” You glance over his shoulder to watch Sejanus make conversation with Lucy Gray. Coriolanus sucked in a breath. Your eyes shot to him, waiting to see if he’d say no.

“I think there’s nothing more I’d like to do next Sunday.” He answered. You nodded and hid the evergrowing grin on your face. You cleared your throat.

“Great, I am very casual about this whole ordeal.” You said, starting to inch away from him. Coriolanus puffed his chest out.

“Oh yeah. Me too. So casual. Won’t be thinking about you before I go to sleep tonight at all.” Coriolanus responded, clasping his arms behind his back. He nodded like he was agreeing at a business meeting. You hummed.

“Oh yeah, yeah. No, I would never in a million years think of you in my free time. Never, not once have I done that. Much less before bed in the hopes of good dreams, please your ego is so big I’m choking on it.” You waved your hand in your face, pretending to push away his ego to breathe. Coriolanus didn’t even bother hiding the smile on his face as you both backpedaled away from each other.

“Sunday.” He responded, already metaphorically foaming at the mouth to get to that lake. You nodded, heading off in the direction of Lucy Gray.

“Sunday.”

And there he was on Sunday. Once you saw the edge of the lake, you were dropping your items left and right, racing Maude Ivory for the water. You lost but you beat CC so you accepted it. Coriolanus joined you seven in the water, splashing you all.

When he resurfaced, looking around for you, you splashed him in the face. Coriolanus sputtered and wiped his face with his hand before lunging at you. He pulled you from the water before flinging you back into the waves from his splash, making you scream. As you splashed under the water his hands reached for your body, pulling you back towards the surface. You laughed once you got the water off your face.

Coriolanus pulled you closer, your body moving easily with the help of the lake. He pressed your body against his. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling his chin over your shoulder. You hummed and leaned into him. Coriolanus pressed his lips against the side of your neck as he hooked his arm over your shoulder.

When your fingers got pruney, you and Coriolanus pulled yourselves from the water. Maude Ivory complained that you were a party pooper and CC splashed her in response.

You and Coriolanus dried out in the sun, laying on top of a sheet you dragged along with you to the lake. Coriolanus pressed you against him, holding on like you might disappear into the wind if he let go. Your head was resting on top of his chest. You held onto his wrist that was thrown onto your shoulder, keeping your fingers on his pulse. He intertwined your fingers with his other hand. The steady beat under your fingertips reminded you that he was alive and this wasn't a dream. It wasn't going to rabidly twist into a nightmare before you could catch up.

“I have nightmares every night.” You whispered. You just needed to get it off your chest before he started to wonder. You hoped he heard it because if the Covey and Sejanus splashing in the water was too loud, you didn't think you'd be able to repeat it. Coriolanus dropped the hand he was holding, rubbing your cheek instead. Coriolanus hummed in acknowledgment, giving you the time to continue. You pressed your fingers into his pulse harder, needing it to be louder than just a soft whisper of a beat under your fingers.

“I watch you die every night, Coriolanus.” You added. Maybe this could ease some of the questions you knew he was holding back.

No one reacts to seeing their (lover?) friend like that after not seeing them for weeks. No one starts crying and rocking themselves back and forth just from a look.

Coriolanus started at that, pulling his leg up like he wanted to get up and start punching the nightmares. His hand on your face stalled and waited in the air. As the moment of silence turned into two, you wondered if you overstepped somehow. You sat up, rolling over onto your stomach so you could look at his face. He sat up on his elbows. Coriolanus met your eyes, an unreadable look on his face.

He reached out with one hand and held onto yours, holding onto it tight. You gave him time, like he’d given you. Coriolanus sighed.

“I’m not going anywhere. I'm not dying anytime soon, I'm not leaving you. You're okay. That arena was horrific but we're not there anymore. You're all in one piece and I'm going to take care of you. In the arena, I couldn't be there, only from behind the screen. I'm not going anywhere now, I can protect you now. Do you understand?” Coriolanus asked, raising his eyebrows and staring at you severely. You hummed and leaned your forehead against his.

“I understand.” You whispered back. Coriolanus dropped your hands and cupped your cheeks, pulling you away from his forehead. He tilted his head and leaned closer before stopping and watching you intently. You leaned into him, pressing your lips against his.

Coriolanus pulled you closer by your back. He held onto the side of your face, humming against your mouth. You were warm and made him want to hide in your arms forever. You held onto the back of his neck. Coriolanus licked at your bottom lip. You would've opened your mouth for him if you didn't want to scar your cousins in the lake just a few feet away. Instead, you pulled away, much to Coriolanus' disdain. You kissed both corners of his mouth, patting his cheeks. Coriolanus pulled at your wrist, taking your hand to his lap and intertwining your fingers.

You both settled back down on the sheet. Lucy Gray left the water and laid out in the dock to dry off. She watched as you relaxed into Coriolanus, shutting your eyes. Lucy Gray wanted you to get more sleep but with sleep came the promise of nightmares. At least you were in the woods so your terror would go unnoticed by the few neighbors you did have.

Once Lucy Gray was fully dry she made her way over the sheet. The Covey’s clothes were laid out and folded into piles for each person. She smiled at your care and pulled her stack away. Lucy Gray looked up at you to thank you, you were still asleep. You had a small smile on your face and Lucy Gray hoped it would stay. Coriolanus turned his head to face her, raising an eyebrow.

“Are we leaving soon? Let me wake-” Lucy Gray quickly shook her head.

“No. No. Don't, they need their rest. I'm not sure if they've slept this long without a nightmare waking them up since the Games. We can stay a little longer.” Lucy Gray said, pulling her dress back on.

As you continued to snooze, the Covey got more and more tired. They all left the water, drying out on the dock. Or CC’s case, running around and shaking like a dog. Eventually, they all made it back into their clothes.

Something about you snoozing away on Coriolanus’ chest seemed so inviting. Maude Ivory tucked herself under your arm, pressing her head to Coriolanus' chest as well. Tam Amber laid down on the edge of the blanket, keeping a hand on your calf like you might run away. Sejanus laid next to Coriolanus, giving him a thumbs up at you and Coriolanus snuggling. CC leaned his head against your side, kicking his legs out at Tam Amber. Tam Amber swatted them away, making CC laugh. Barb Azure shushed him and joined Sejanus on the side. She reached over and held onto your free hand, the other one preoccupied with Coriolanus'. Lucy Gray sat behind you, watching the lake. Coriolanus' hand rubbed your back as you slept away. Coriolanus turned his head to look at Lucy Gray.

“Do you always sleep like meerkats, piling on top of each other?” Coriolanus whispered. Lucy Gray shook her head.

“No.”

“Yes.”

Lucy Gray and Barb Azure shared a glance at their opposing views. Coriolanus smacked his lips in acceptance. He wasn't getting an answer but at least he was sort of included. You were sleeping on him and therefore everyone trying to get closer to you was getting closer to him. He understood why you would do it, it was so warm and he was positive he's never felt this loved before.

When you woke up, it was quiet and gentle. You looked around and smiled at the pile. You turned around and grinned at Lucy Gray. You held up a thumbs up.

Maybe it was the pile, Coriolanus, his words, the exhaustion from splashing in the water, or some other secret things but you slept without a nightmare. When you went to bed that night it wasn't nearly as scarring. It was just you and Coriolanus on the lakeside.

#coriolanus fanfiction #coriolanus snow x reader #coriolanus snow #coriolanus x reader #tbosas #tbosbas

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askinkiskarma · 1 year ago

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𝕄𝕠𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝕄𝕖 | ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕍: 𝕋𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕊𝕥𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕕 𝕋𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 ℂ𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕖𝕕 𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖

Pairing: Neteyam x (f)Omaticaya!Reader

synopsis: Memories flood Neteyam's mind as he deals with your accident, making him relieve your history and all the reasons he can't shake you from his life, no matter how hard he tries.

warnings: 18+ minors DNI, aged-up! Neteyam/Reader, enemies-to-lovers, angst (mentions of violence, battle, blood, death)

wc: 5.1k words

a/n: I'm actually really nervous about this chapter, because while I love it, it's different than any other Monster in Me chapter so far. This is also the only chapter I've ever written entirely from the MMC's POV, and I hope you enjoy finally finding out why Neteyam's been acting the way he has, and why he's so adamant in his quest for vengeance. As always, thank you for asking to be tagged, I'd love to hear your feedback, your replies and asks and reblogs make my life, so thank you! Thank you to @cinetrix for her amazing Neteyam art, ilysm bestie x and thank you to @draiochtwrites for listening to me talk about my stupid ideas for hours every day, i love you x

na'vi compendium: txepvi - spark, ite - daughter, srane - yes, Olo'eykte - female Olo'eyktan, tam-tam - calm, oare - moon, tewng - loincloth, torukspxam - octoshroom, ngaytxoa - I'm sorry, 'itan - son, angtsìk - Hammerhead Titanothere, yarik - herbivore, ftang - stop, tsantu - good guy, tsìltsan 'eve - good girl, kali'weya - arachnoid used in Uniltaron

: ̗̀➛ previous chapter (x) : ̗̀➛ series masterlist (x) : ̗̀➛ series playlist (x)

And maybe in another life We fight all day, kiss all night But I don't wanna break your heart You keep yours, I'll keep mine

Neteyam, for the first time in his life, couldn’t have cared less if he tried that there was a battle underway, that there were humans screaming and charging at the Na’vi around him, that the explosions happening every time a helicopter went down in flames deafened his ears - none of it mattered anymore, not as he heard the screech of an ikran he knew all too well, that he loved, that was now lifelessly falling towards the ground, taking the woman of his worst nightmares and biggest fantasies along, not when, with every second passing where he ignored the rest of his surroundings and dove as fast as his own ikran could possibly fly in order to make it to you in time, another memory flashed across his mind, so many memories he thought he left behind, so many memories that would haunt his every waking moment if he wouldn’t catch you, if he was too late.

“Teyam, do you trust me?”

“What kind of question is that? You’re my best friend. Of course I trust you.”

Your mischievous smile, although more devious than Neteyam liked, always had power to put his heart to ease… after all, it was you. You, his best friend, the girl who knew everything about him, that helped him withstand every challenge life threw at him, just a couple 11 year olds who had gone through more than most adults do, who have been forced to grow up a lot faster than any kid their own age should ever do. But Neteyam didn’t mind. Maybe he used to, back when he was young and naive. Back then, he cried a lot, each morning a dreaded reminder of the pain and ache that awaited him each day, all for a purpose he couldn’t quite understand yet, that made no sense in a child’s mind, that had no way of truly understanding the concept of a future littered with war and loss, a future where he would carry the burden of being the next leader of his clan, the eldest son of the mighty, revered Toruk Makto and Palulukan Makto, the grandson of brave, respected leaders, the next in line of a ruling dynasty filled with great people he had to follow and to live up to.

Now, he no longer cried, because no matter how hard life got, he was never alone. Because, even though you didn’t have quite the same pressure on your shoulders, you carried your own burdens and a sadness deeper than Neteyam could ever imagine or could ever want to. In his mind, the sting from a few bloodied gashes and the headaches that tried him each night were a small inconvenience compared to the pain that you struggled with and braved every moment since your parents died. When his father told him that you would be joining him for training in the weeks after the accident, Neteyam didn’t know what to expect. But day after day, you managed to blow not only his expectations, but his entire family’s out of the water, each day just another opportunity for you to prove to everyone that your future would be as bright as all the stars in the night combined, that you were special and unique, that you were a talent that only comes once in a few lifetimes.

Now, years later, Neteyam still found it hard to believe how strong you were, how capable and skilled and fearless. Whereas he’s always been more withdrawn and temperate, your fire burned strong and untamed, and you always managed to get both of you in trouble - if he were to be honest with himself, though, he would never mind, not with you.

“Good. Then let’s go.”

You didn’t bother looking behind you as you started sprinting, your flowy top and tewng, always one-of-a-kind, undulating in the wind, making Neteyam’s heart flutter in his chest. You were so beautiful. The most beautiful. A purple flush rising in his cheeks was all that was needed for Neteyam to be grateful for the way you always ran ahead of him, too impatient to wait for a boy that liked to take his time and enjoy the moments few and in between in which life didn’t have to go too fast for his comfort.

"Where are we going, Vi?"

"Shhh, more walking, less talking, 'Teyam. You need to learn to embrace the unknown." you chuckled as you stopped and waited for him to catch up, before taking him by the hand and pulling him until he stumbled softly onto you and you both fell, him on top of you, with a gasp that turned into loud giggles from your side and unflinching groans from his.

"Vi..."

"The mighty warriors have fallen, what will the clan do without us?"

He couldn't help his own exasperated chuckle and the roll of his eyes as he spoke.

"I don't think we're quite there yet."

You shrugged, sure of yourself as always, a trait Neteyam admired and tried to emulate, to little avail most days.

"Soon. Your dad's already talking about the Iknimaya. We're almost ready, Teyam. And if we do it soon, we'll be the youngest Na'vi to ever do it. You and me."

Before he could say anything, you reached for him until your lips made contact with his cheeks, and it didn't help his blush, that was now deep periwinkle and burning his skin from the inside out, like a fire that wanted to escape his body, too powerful to be contained inside it.

"And just like today, if you ever fall, I'll always be there to catch you. You and I, we're meant to fall and rise together."

Those words rang painfully in Neteyam's ears as his ikran dove at full speed towards the ground, as his open, stretched out hand was just outside of your reach, as he watched your body disappear through the trees, where it would inevitably crash, where it might be lost forever.

His heart, that was going as fast as his ikran was, watching your unconscious form collect deep, bleeding scars like Kiri collected pebbles in the woods with every hard branch your body made contact with, stopped racing in his chest as, by the grace of Eywa, your fall was broken by the plush, attenuating force of a torukspxam right before you hit the ground. Despite the fear, so deeply embedded in him, it was impossible to know if he would ever be able to fully detach himself from it again, a seed of hope bloomed in him that maybe he wasn't too late. That maybe, despite not being able to catch you, not now nor for the past 7 years in which he's left built up resentment prevent him from wanting to, maybe he wasn't too late.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

He didn't wait for Seze to land before he jumped and approached you, pushing with all his might against the drag of his own heavy body that felt like it was experiencing the world in slow motion, until one of his hands found the back of your neck, propping you up gently and his other hand placed two fingers on your pulse point, trying to feel for a heartbeat that would either calm his own or stop it altogether.

"Please, Txepvi. Please..."

When the small, barely-felt flutters registered in him, he let out a breath he didn't even realise he was holding and wasted no time in picking you up bridal-style and running back to his beautiful ikran. He had no time to dwell on the cracks deepening in his heart as he watched Seze bumping her snout on the side of Oare's lifeless face, sorrowful trills filling his ears, no time to dwell on the red liquid spilling out from multiple points in your body, dripping down his body and onto the ground, no time to stop yet another memory fighting to come to the forefront of his mind.

Fickle as you are That's exactly why I keep on running back 'Cause I'm brittle at the parts Where I wish I was strong

“I can walk, Teyam.”

Neteyam decided to ignore you as he grabbed you by the back of your knees and carried you back to the village, the gash in your leg large enough to have hit a couple veins and stain your thigh red, but not deep enough to make it life-threatening - still, Neteyam wouldn’t take any chances. Taking chances… that was the reason for keeping you so close to him, your face buried in the crook of his neck… that was the only reason.

“Can you, Vi? Isn’t that how this happened in the first place?” He chuckled, yelping a little when your fist made contact with his chest.

“It was an accident, you know that.”

“Yeah, well, you have a lot of accidents. And so close to the Iknimaya, too…” the shake of his head was mostly a teasing one, and although he tried to push away the nagging fear eating away at him, the one that told him you might not be able to take it with him, the one that screamed he’d be all alone once more, like he was before you, the one that urged bad memories and ugly scenarios into his mind, the one whose ugly head appeared as though from around the corner, staring intently to see if he’ll allow it to approach or banish it from existence. He couldn't decide yet.

He couldn’t do this without you. He needed you to be his first flight. Like you told him last year, and like it’s been solidified in his soul every day since, you and him were meant to rise and fall together. You were meant to fly together, to soar together. And that couldn’t happen if a tiny accident delayed your progress.

“Aw, it’s sweet you’re worried, although I think it’s mostly selfish and you’re just too scared to do the Iknimaya by yourself.”

The tinge in his cheeks is enough validation for you to start laughing at him, your head thrown so far back, he had to readjust his grip on you, so that you wouldn’t fall out of his arms.

“I knew it! You scaredy-cat. Why would you be scared, Teyam? Out of everyone here, everyone who’s gonna do this next, out of all of us, you are the best. You’ve always been the best.”

“No. You’re the best." As much wasn't up for discussion to him, and never will be. "And you promised.”

Your smile softened taking him in, the little pout he tried his best to conceal, the little scrunch of his nose, the way his ears twitched in slight annoyance and slight embarrassment… he couldn’t tell for sure, but he thought you found it… endearing?

“I know what I promised. And I intend to keep my promise. You don’t have to worry, Teyam. You and I have always been two sides of the same coin. And as long as you want me by your side, nothing could ever pry me away.”

"Just hang on, please. Shit. Please don't die. Please don't die."

And maybe when you need my help I like myself when it's over But later in the light, you go Dark and rogue, and I need closure

“Ma ‘ite, you have to be more careful.” The quiet, teasing admonishments of his grandmother do little do deter you, although you keep your eyes on the ground, slight embarrassment visible in the swish of your tail and the flatness of your ears.

“Srane, ma Tsa’hik. Ngaytxoa.”

The thick cream paste made its way from Mo’at’s fingers to your thigh, where it was spread in a hefty layer until the cut was no longer visible. You winced as it made contact with your skin, but said nothing as you accepted the help, and Neteyam saw his grandmother nod in approval at your bravery and inclination to suffer in silence, to not let anyone know you’re in pain at any point. Strong heart. Him, on the other hand, wished you were a bit more forthcoming, wished you didn’t feel the need to go through suffering alone. With a pat on your head and a soft smile, the Tsa’hik raised from her spot on the floor and turned her back on you both.

“You’re all done. It’s just a scratch, this time. I feel like I always have to have extra healing salve at the ready just for you. Now go, and be careful. Your Iknimaya is soon and my grandson would never forgive you if you missed it.”

“Neteyam, quick, put her on the mat. I need all the help I can get, now! Go get all the healers in training, we don’t have a lot of time.” The barking of orders did little to ease Neteyam’s fear, as he very rarely has ever seen his grandmother this agitated. After sending away the trainees, she turned to her grandson and took a deep breath, to calm herself. As serious her voice was, as rushed and violent the atmosphere around them, she still found the second to put her hand on her grandson’s chest, feeling the erratic, loud, trepidous heartbeat that refused to settle in him.

“Ma ‘itan, she’s very weak. I know you haven’t been close in a long time, but she is your intended mate. I need you to prepare yourself for the worst. Now go back to the battle.”

“No. I’m staying here.”

Neteyam didn’t get scared often. A whole lifetime of being raised like a soldier made his skin as thick as an 'angtsìk’s, and little ever managed to get under it. You did. You had unmatched prowess to make him feel so many things, too many things, all too intense, all too powerful, all too overbearing. When he was young, all of them were good and pure, all exciting and hopeful - love. It was love. Now, he feels anger and resentment, vengeful spite and deep arousal, all of which poison his mind and make him a version of himself he hates. Hate. That’s it. It’s all hate, isn’t it? So if it is… why are his limbs trembling and eyes watering, why is his mind jumbled with all these memories, why has the blood coursing through his veins been irreparably polluted with so much deep, earth-shattering terror and grief at the thought of losing you? Why was there a crater in his chest where his heart usually resided when he imagined his life without you in it?

Maybe it's because, for better or for worse, you were a constant in his life. From the second your presence made its way to him, you never left. There hasn't been a day that he hasn't seen you, that he hasn't been in your vicinity, not a day in which you haven't trained together, side by side, friends before, enemies after, but always together. Your words, that he drowned for years, came back like an undying echo ringing in his ears.

"You and I, we're meant to fall and rise together..."

I don't need a reason to keep on dreamin' That we don't lose, yeah, what's the use?

More and more, it felt like you had been right all along. He didn't think about it for so long, so desperate in his attempts to hurt you like you had hurt him, to sour your life like how you soiled his most precious memories, all of you and him, all of a childhood long left behind, all of fantasies he's harboured at the time that long dissipated from the version of future he used to dream about. Nothing about his life now was how he once envisioned, and that was because of you. He would never forgive you, but he couldn't let you go, either. No matter how the visions differed from his current reality, he couldn't shake you, couldn't let you go. Because despite it all, he couldn't part with the girl that used to be his partner in crime, his training buddy, his best friend, his first flight.

"Are you ready?"

Neteyam watched in awe as you confidently nodded at his father, smiling as if the hardest challenge an Omaticaya Na'vi would ever undertake, one that most people did when they were much, much older, was nothing to you, like it was just another yarik hunt that you've done a thousand times before. You turned to him and the smile you gave him dazzled him, left him breathless, not a good thing for the trek he was about to undertake, but still, not something he would could ever find it in himself to be upset about. You turned your attention momentarily to the bowl of paint in your hands before you brought a finger to his face, completing the pattern that was the same as the one you were adorning, one that he painted on you.

You both took turns saying goodbye to everyone, paying special attention to the little bundle in Neytiri's arms. Neteyam couldn't believe this was his little sister, and couldn't believe how attentive you were with her, how careful and loving. Some of his personality must be rubbing off on you, because to the Sully family's surprise, you didn't drop Tuk once in the year she's been born. In fact, you haven’t dropped anything in the last couple of months, including yourself from high places, which used to be one of your favourite past times, and Neteyam couldn't help blush at the thought that he was the reason you were being a little more careful.

As expected, the climb was the hardest thing Neteyam ever put his body through, and he felt suddenly grateful for all the years of torturous training that now felt like a peaceful breeze of the wind in an otherwise unyielding hurricane. Still, seeing you in front of him, not once complaining, not in front of the multiple 15 to 19 year olds that were also taking their rite of passage today, not in front of your Olo'eyktan, made him push through, too. If you could do it, so could he. Because you would do it, so would he.

The rookery was hidden behind a waterfall, and Neteyam watched as one by one, the few Na'vi joining you both either failed or succeeded, and with each attempt, his fear grew stronger, his mind more restless. Eventually, it was his turn, and with a deep breath, he started walking towards the slippery ledge that would lead him to his fate. A hand on his chest not only stopped him in his tracks, but also stopped his heart momentarily, just momentarily, because before he knew it, it started booming again with enough intensity to dizzy him.

"Ma tsantu... you got this. Remember, you and I, we're meant t-"

"-to fall and rise together, I know." you smile, your fingers smoothing the deep frown that gave Neteyam a headache without even realising and he sighed, trying to calm his mind and soul, focusing on you and only you.

"Exactly. So you can't fall, because if you do, I'll have to follow you... and I don't intend to fall yet, Teyam. Not yet."

"How did this happen?"

"Oare... got shot. She's dead. She... fell. I couldn't catch her." I couldn't catch her...

Neteyam couldn't bear to look at the way his grandmother was ripping you apart, although he knew it was all with the purpose of putting you back together again. Her trainees, all girls he knew, some girls he knew more intimately than others, all flocked around you, with wet cloths and trays of balms and powders, of plants and tinctures, and it all hurt, the guilt of knowing to some extent, to a large extent, this was all his fault. This ongoing war between you, never-ending and harrowing, reached a nadir that resulted in the death of your ikran, in your accident, and indirectly, because of your removal and his from the battlefield, might result in the deaths of good na'vi men and women, all of whom had families and a life, and a future they would be robbed of.

Neteyam couldn't leave you and go back. If he did, he knew that much like you, he wouldn't be able to focus enough to matter, and the thought of his mother, of his father, losing one more loved one was too much to bear. Neteyam couldn't leave you, but he couldn't stay here either. It hurt, being here, watching flashes of the girl he hates intertwined with the girl he loved more than anything else in the world, it hurt, having to deal with feelings he buried deep down and memories that came to him like summer rain, uninterrupted and warm, but powerful enough to flood and leave damage their wake.

With one last look at your unconscious form, Neteyam left the village on the back of his Ikran, knowing there was one thing he needed to do, he had to do. His mind was overcome with agonising sorrow as Seze's mourning was felt through his entire being, and the full weight of what transpired came crashing down on him like a tidal wave he could do little to stop, but had to power through, hoping that by the end there was something left of his heart to go on. Oare, much like Seze, has been in his life every day for the last 7 years, and he loved her. She was playful and sweet, and she always played with him when he snuck out at night to give her pets and treats, refusing to let your declining relationship affect their bond. Oare was Seze's best friend, her companion and life partner, and Neteyam knew her death would affect his ikran for a long time, perhaps forever.

With a squeal that matched the banshee, Neteyam watched from the air, on the back of his new mount, his new friend, his new spirit sister, as you made Tsaheylu, and his heart, that has been barely beating in anxious fear, felt finally awake again.

"Ftang! Tam tam, tsìltsan 'eve." your smile was wide and relieved as your eyes searched the sky until they found his, and he swore he never knew it was possible to love someone so much, to feel so connected to a soul, so much so it felt like he could hear you, your heartbeat and your mind, like tsaheylu would have been redundant because he knew. He just knew.

"I did it, Teyam!"

"Yes, you did, Vi! Come, first flight seals the bond."

That day was Neteyam's happiest day. That memory is still something that he cherishes deeply, that he'll never be able to shake, that haunts him at night, that shakes his resolve whenever he's thinking of a new way to make you pay. That memory is still untarnished in his mind, and it will always remain so, especially today, as he's fastening Oare's lifeless form onto Seze, petting her one last time, allowing the tears he's been stubbornly pushing back this entire day to finally fall from his cheeks onto her face, almost like she was the one crying, one last time.

"I'm sorry, girl. I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry that I beat you... again. You're gonna have to do much better than this to beat me, Teyam."

The floating rock you landed on, hours after you finished your Iknimaya, was alit with biofluorescence, the colours reflecting in your eyes and on your shiny skin, covered in a light layer of sweat from the flight.

"Give me a break, Vi. It's my first time doing this."

"Yeah, cause I've been doing it for ages." you say, chuckling and rolling your eyes. You prop your body on your elbows and point to the two banshees playing in the air with each other, a mass of ravelling green and purple, so beautiful, and so, so free.

"I can't take all the credit. She did most of the work. I love her already, Teyam. Do you have a name in mind for yours?"

Neteyam didn't have to think about it too much. Ever since he's first found out about the Iknimaya, a story told to him by his mother consolidated a name in his memory that he's never been able to forget.

"Seze. Like my mother's ikran that bravely gave her life in the war against the Sky People."

"That's pretty. And fitting. She's a beautiful flower."

"What about you?"

"Oare."

"Why?"

"I used to look at the moons every night and think I'm so far away from this, from my destiny, from who I've always known I was meant to be, the Iknimaya might as well have been the moon - unreachable, untouchable, a world away. And now, I'm here, with you, way past curfew, and we're gonna get in so much trouble and I couldn't care less because I did it, I reached the moon. And I did it with the only person I ever wanted to. So.. Oare."

"Thank you, Teyam. I learnt a lot from you in these years. Ever since I met you, I knew you were special. And I think, even without realising, I wanted to be more like you. I've looked up to you for so long, I don't even remember my life before the Sullys took me in. If I'm here today, it's because of you. You helped me become more temperate and understand the weight of my talent and my power, and that I have a responsibility to the clan, that this is bigger than me, and my life."

Neteyam was taken aback at your words. You were never this forthcoming with your feelings normally, but he couldn't say he wasn't happy about it. He was so happy.

"I love you, Vi. I may have made you more responsible, but you made me better. Braver. More creative, more inventive. I almost couldn't finish the Iknimaya today, and then one of your crazy ideas popped in my head, and it worked. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't have done this without you, without your influence in my life. Thank you."

You smiled softly, and put your head on his chest, just watching the dance of the banshees, and he prayed that this moment would never end.

"I guess we really are meant to be together then, huh?"

"Yeah. I guess we are."

Neteyam placed Oare in the village, where the elders and Tsa'hik would be able to perform Eywa's funeral rituals, before making his way back to the tent. He couldn't help the gasp that escaped him as he was met with your drowsy, blood-shot eyes, so much sadness in them, it broke him. They were so different then the ones that have haunted Neteyam's mind today, so devoid of the innocence and love he remembered, so filled with anger and spite and hurt, so much like his own, such a bitter reminder that the past was only that, the past, and there was nothing left of you, or of him, of the love you shared and the future he envisioned. With one last memory, Neteyam felt the walls surrounding his heart, thick and unflinching, growing harder with every year since the Iknimaya, fortify yet again, as one last memory emerged uninvited and reminded him of why, despite your history, Neteyam would never look at you the same way again.

And I know whatever this is ain't love So I'm goin' I'm gonna let you go, let you go

"I'm going to go back to my tent. I had too much of a good day to spoil it by Jake yelling at me for 2 hours straight. I'd rather save the pleasure for tomorrow."

"That's so unfair, why do I have to suffer by myself?"

A shrug was all the answer you felt was necessary to give him, and he felt his heart drop at the notion of going to his family's tent so late, so far past curfew, without your much more argumentative presence, that his father could never resist. He walked cautiously, silently, praying that his family would be asleep so he could just sneak in and postpone the yelling until tomorrow. To his surprise, he heard whispered voices coming from right outside the tent, whispers he quickly recognised as his father and grandmother's.

"... that it should be her. She should be the next Olo'eykte. That she is the most deserving of it, has been since she was young. It took a long time to see it for myself, but... I don't know. Maybe he.."

...Olo'eykte? You? Neteyam couldn't believe his ears. He couldn't believe how quickly his father was willing to replace him, how quickly he considered you better and more worthy of the title than his own son, than the rightful heir. You were both 12, for Eywa's sake. How could a decision be made so early? Neteyam felt tears gather in his eyes, the betrayal's sting more painful than a kali'weya's, and yet, still, a part of him knew this already. A part of him couldn't find it in him to be upset, because you were better. And you deserved to lead, you deserved to fulfil your destiny, that was made for greatness, made for the songs and the ballads, made for history.

"It's Neteyam's birthright, Jakesulli. It wouldn't be right, no matter how worthy the girl is. What about a mateship? They have been inseparable for years anyhow."

"Ah, she would never want to be Tsa'hik. And she wouldn't be good at it anyway. Besides..." the silence felt like it dragged on forever, and he clung on to it, afraid of what was waiting for him at the end of it.

"I mentioned it to her. She said she... doesn't want to mate with Neteyam. That she couldn't ever love him the way a mate would. She was... very adamant about it."

As Neteyam looked into your eyes, those words forever embedded in his psyche, playing in his ears like a cacophony of sounds that rattled him every time he saw you, even so many years later, solidified in him by all the times you continued to hurt him, continued flaunting your relationships and skills to him, your connection and closeness to his own family, that sometimes he felt like he didn't belong in anymore, like he was the adoptive one... he was reminded that every time, it hurt, every day, it broke him further, and those eyes that were once his guidepost and the reason he got up in the morning, were now empty and bleak, and enough to make anger bubble in his soul once more, until it drowned everything else, until it was all that was left.

I don't need a reason to keep on dreamin' That we don't lose, yeah what's the use? I don't need a reason to keep on dreamin' That I can win this stupid thing called love

taglist: @fanboyluvr @theycallmesia @afro-hispwriter @soleilmoon @crazy4books1 @bakugouswaif@randxmthxughts @xreadersstuff @sirezaya @kimberlyshailany-blog @gyuventure @jujudsmyst @kikookii @nxptury @nonniesworld @koing-slvt @bakugouswaif @isnt-itstrange @tpwkforevermore @alahamums @tallulah477 @gknj9495@aquamarine001 @itssomeonereading @yumimak@sweetbread-m@eqgroil @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @juneonhoth @yagirlheree @jackiehollanderr @legendarynoodlebowl @iameatingmyhair @justasimps-blog@hannabanana-09 @xylianasblog @misscaller06 @yeosxxx @myh3artttt @teyamsbitch @musicownsme @i-live-in-a-fantasy-daydream @zoetrope1997 @itsmy-alteregohere @ntymavtr @curlszx88 @maki-z @riatesullironalite @baahsaama @luna-salem @teyamtesuli @koing-slvt

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viktoriaashleyyx · 4 months ago

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Lucien is here and he is hearing some things he needed to hear. Most of this is fluff.

This is a pro Tamlin, anti Rhysand self insert revenge fic. All characters belong to SJM, but she wasn't treating them right. Tam x reader, Tam x Rhysands Sister (OC), First person narrative. This will also reference Elucien and Neris in the future, but we aren't there yet.

I've read this like 4 times today alone, and I honestly don't think any tws apply. Let me know if I am wrong about that. It does include references to grief and death.

Ch1.

Ch3 > Ch5

Chapter 4:

As the morning sun shone through the massive windows in Tamlins - no, our- bedroom, I untangled myself from his arms and sat up to stretch. I didn't actually plan on what I would wear here, I had no clothes.

I sat with my feet dangling off the edge of the bed, looking out the window, lost in thought of what is to come next. Tamlin awoke and sat up behind me, pulling my hair out of the way to plant soft kisses down my neck and shoulder. His gentle touches brought me out of my daze and back to the present. “I don't know what I am going to wear today..” I shared.

He sighed as he crawled out of bed to stand in front of me. He took my hands, and just held them as I looked up at him, his strong broad shoulders almost blocking the sunlight pouring in. “I might be able to help with that,” he whispered, pulling one of my hands up to drop a soft kiss on the back, “however, I am a little nervous, I had never expected to show this to anyone.” I cocked my head and my expression changed to curiosity.

He helped me to my feet and began leading me to the other armoire in the corner of his room. I had never paid much attention to it, there was so much furniture in this manor I was going to have fun snooping through. “I never fully healed from, what I thought was, your death. The day you left, I encased my own heart in stone, knowing I could never replace you. I spent many years mourning you, the grief was unbearable at times and the stone helped keep it at bay, just enough to save face and carry on with the duties that were expected of me. Many times, I tried to move on, and there were many ways I tried to cope. Some days…" he took a breath, "I would be out shopping and I would see a dress, or a necklace, or bracelet that would make me think of you and I would allow myself the delusion of you being at home, waiting on me to get back. Just for a fleeting moment. And I would buy the dress and imagine your smile when I gave it to you.” I kept my face soft as I listened intensely, trying to encourage him to continue. The pain he must have experienced was… I don't have the words. It broke my heart to see the longing he held for me for so long. He opened the closet, and inside were hundreds of dresses, in all different colors, lengths, and materials. Some were formal, some would be great for a cozy day inside, some I could imagine wearing on a trip to the villages. My mouth dropped open as my face filled with awe, both at the beautiful dresses he took such care in picking out, and the sentiment that he never fully lost hope this entire time. “I allowed myself this little collection, it made me feel like I hadn't given up on you. Something always told me to hold on.”

He began pulling individual dresses out to show me the thought he put into them, “I always remembered how grumpy you would get when fabric was too close to the spot on your back where your wings sit, and your favorite colors were green, pink and black. You loved the beauty of a Spring night, understandably.” I reached my hand out to touch the soft green velvet A line dress he held out for me. There was a large circle cutout in the back with a button that clasped up by the back of my neck, a high neckline in the front and form fitting half sleeves. The dress was fitted at the waist and flared out around the hips, the skirt looked like it would land just above my knees. It was perfect.

I felt so loved in that moment, so understood. I looked up at his face with happy tears threatening to escape. I laughed as I wiped them away, “I love you,” was all I could get out before I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him deeply.*

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

We had begun to clean the manor. Most of the work was on Tamlin as the destruction was his doing, but I stayed nearby offering small helps, like dusting and sewing, and company. I would sing silly songs I had learned from the bards I had traveled with and keep our schedule, breaking for lunch and stopping for dinner. He had made me that promise to heal, and he was sticking with it. Though sometimes he would try to work through lunch, or do ‘little’ projects after dinner, I would firmly remind him that healing was physical too, food and rest were nonnegotiables. We had also agreed on one full day a week of rest and fun, usually spent at starlight lake.

Today Tamlin was working out in the gardens, fixing the trellises and pruning what rose bushes survived. I had spent the morning outside with him discussing what new flowers to plant in the empty spaces and sharing stories of the children we once were, running around and playing hide and seek. He confessed to me that I was never any good at it, he could always spot my wings, but he would play along and let me win. I stuck my tongue out at him and scrunched my nose.

After lunch, though, I decided to remain inside while he got back to work as the afternoon sun was getting hot and uncomfortable.

I sat atop the plush green ottoman in the formal sitting room. I hated couches and any chairs with backs as the pressure on my wings caused great discomfort. While I was sewing some of the tears in the curtains, I heard the door open and a set of unfamiliar footsteps walk in. We had been alone here for days, I wondered who it could be. I sat my sewing down and headed towards the foyer, and just as I turned the corner I came face to face with a stunningly handsome male with a golden eye.

“Oh hello, you must be Lucien.” I observed, taking a step back.

“I had heard the rumors, you do bear an uncanny resemblance to your brother,” he responded with a mischievous smile, having to bend slightly to address me. I swear, sometimes I just felt like a damn munchkin.

“If you're just here to insult me you can leave.” I said dryly, narrowing my eyes.

He chuckled “I don't mean anything by it, I know you want nothing to do with Rhysand, you've made that glaringly obvious, and I can't say I blame you. If he wasn't my mate's brother in law I'd never want to see him again either.” He straightened and took a step back, looking me up and down.

“Oh that's right, Elain is it? How is she doing?”

“She's well, you are being more pleasant than they warned me you'd be.” Lucien noted, almost like he'd expected it. The Night court has always hated anyone who didn't submit to them.

“Well, they were standing in my way of accepting a mating bond, and I am not known for my patience. I'm sure you, of all people, understand.” We began walking toward the sitting room. Tamlin had told me all about Lucien, the good and the bad. We had a lot to discuss.

“I understand the pull, but I am a very patient person. 300 years however? That is a long time.” He sat on the couch across from me, and I picked up my sewing once more. “I can see some progress is getting made, tell me how is Tamlin doing now that you're back?”

“He's doing well, we have a plan set to rebuild the court and our reputation. I don't know what version of him you knew, but he seems to be getting back to his former self.”

“That's good... I regret ever leaving him, especially when he was so down, you must hate me for it,” Lucien admitted. I glanced up to meet his gaze, the expression on his face remained cool and flat, but I could see the spark of pain that flashed in his eyes. He and Tamlin had been friends for centuries, did he really think all of that would be thrown away after a few bad years?

I sat my sewing down again and looked directly into his eyes, raising my chin and leaning forward slightly, “I don't. And neither does Tamlin. The ‘cauldron’ blessed you with a mate, Lucien, you deserve to follow your happiness. As someone who has been through Hel and back to return to their mate, it would be hypocritical of me to look down on you for doing the same.” Lucien looked up at me in almost shock, why is it that everyone who has been in my brother's company has been utterly speechless at even the smallest acts of kindness? “You served this court well for many years, suffered with it, defended it, I cannot write that off just because you have a personal goal to reach, a goal that would make your life better in a way this court cannot.” My voice was stern and I left no room for argument. “You were hurt by actions and decisions Tamlin made, you were well within your rights to leave and protect yourself. And I'm almost positive Tamlin has very similar sentiments to give you. So no, I do not blame you for what you couldn't do, I thank you for what you did do.”

“Thank you for that. It's not something I hear often, especially these days.” Lucien spoke softer, his coy demeanor falling into calmness as he realized that I had no ill intent toward him.

I returned to my sewing, “That is sad to hear. If you ever need a non judgemental ear to vent to, you can always talk to me. I hope one day you can look past the face I bear so much resemblance to and see me as a friend. I know you've had it rough.” I offered.

“You shouldn't have to pay for the sins of your brother just because you look alike.”

“ Yes, but until he does, the debt is still owed.” I countered.

Just then Tamlin came back inside, he headed straight for me to give me a kiss and a rose he had plucked. He looked absolutely delicious, his bare chest glistening from sweat and his sun kissed muscled arms seemed to have gotten even bigger. If Lucien wasn't sitting across from us right now… yum. “We have company, love” I said, breaking the kiss.

He turned around, “Lucien! How have you been, my friend?” Lucien stood up and they embraced each other.

I could swear I heard a muffled “it's good to have you back.”

Tamlin turned to me “excuse us, love, we have some things to discuss.” I gave them a smile and a nod.

“It was a pleasure to meet you, Sky,” Lucien bowed slightly to me and they were off to the office. I continued sewing the curtains back together.

I am not very good at sewing, the repairs were obvious, but I have always found scars to be beautiful. The repair after pain, will always be more beautiful than pretending the pain never happened in the first place.

♡♡♡♡

A few hours later, the three of us sat down in the rebuilt formal dining for dinner. Tamlin in his spot at the head of the table, and Lucien and I on either side of him. Tamlin had hunted a boar yesterday, and I gathered some potatoes, carrots and onions still growing in the vegetable garden, so pot roast was on the menu tonight. I'm sure it's not as extravagant as the last proper meal Lucien had here, but it was never going to be.

“You look like you have many stories to tell. What is the most interesting thing you have learned in your travels?” Lucien asked me. He definitely seemed to be feeling better after his long discussion with Tamlin.

I thought for a minute, I had learned so many wonderful things. “That we are not fae.” Tamlin choked on his drink and Lucien raised an eyebrow at me.

“You're always saying odd shit, I love it.” Tamlin laughed innocently, more as an encouragement to elaborate.

“I have traveled through many realms, I have met the Scoia'tael, the Night elves, Blood elves, Void elves and the Night Fae. In no other realm was I considered a fae, and when I came face to face with what was considered a fae, it was, well, unsettling. We share many characteristics with elves, such as our aversion to ash, and yet we are not affected by iron. I have seen other fae burn to death with just a single scratch of an iron blade. That rumor did not manifest out of nowhere. I believe the true rumor is that we are even Fae at all. Of course, it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, it's just what I found most interesting.”

Lucien sat back in his seat and stared at me, intrigued. “I don't know what I was expecting but it certainly wasn't that,” he breathed. Tamlin grabbed my hand and pulled me in for a quick kiss. “So, how did you manage to make it back to Prythia?”

Ugh, this story is long and painful, to explain it would take days. “I made a deal with the mother herself, Freya. I had to complete the Trials of Tyr. Most of it was just utter nonsense,” I dismissed, doing my best to avoid even letting them know I can weld a blade, and how easy it is for me, “but for the final trial I have to say I am a little amused with myself.”

“Oh?” Both of them listened intensely.

“It was a riddle, they tried to trick me, and, usually, I am no good at riddles but I beat this one with just an innocent question.” I racked my brain trying to find the best way to explain this that did not raise further questions. “They brought out a pin of around 10 utterly normal goats and told me ‘If you wish to return to your shapeshifter, you must first find ours. Which is Loki?’ and without even glancing at the goats I just asked them, ‘Is this assuming Loki is not still chained up under the mountain? Ya, know, with the dripping venom and whatnot? For killing Baldur?’ Apparently it was a trick and none of them were Loki. They were more annoyed than amused when they tossed me back,” I shrugged innocently.

Both Tamlin and Lucien laughed out loud. “A witty one, she is,” Tamlin gushed to Lucien, gesturing to me.

“I would say, ‘wise’ is a better way to describe it.” I corrected.

“And because I know I will be asked,” Lucien added carefully, “do you think you will ever be willing to talk with your brother?”

I rolled my eyes. “Talk? Maybe after we rebuild, if I feel like it. I know I've been gone for a while and his contributions and behavior could have improved, but what I saw when I walked in, the first image I have of him, is not easily forgotten.” I took a sip of my wine, “When do you plan on returning to Night?”

“I don't have a solid plan in place, I honestly didn't expect the manor to be in this good of state when I initially stopped in.”

“Your room has been cleaned, as well. Nothing inside was damaged, it just needed to be freshened after so long. You will always have a place here, that will always be your room.” Tamlin offered. “You have an open invitation, come and go as you please.”

“Well, since I can see you making a genuine effort now, is there any way I can help rebuild?” Lucien asked.

“Actually, we do have a meeting with Tarquin in a few days. As an experienced emissary, would you be willing to help me schedule meetings with the others? I understand you are estranged from Autumn, and me from Night, but if you could just help me deliver some letters to Day, Dawn and Winter, it would be greatly appreciated. We can't do this alone, we need alliances.” I could easily do this myself, but if there is one thing I know about building friendships, is ask for help, even if it's small. People feel closer to you when they feel they are needed.

*authors note: this is actually something I have done with my own grief surrounding my sisters death. I have a small collection of dresses and jewelry that remind me of her that I will never wear. I'm saying this to let you know that grief is messy and grief is weird. However you choose to deal with yours is valid as long as it is not hurting yourself or others. ❤️

Tag list: @rin-u-pos @ladythornofrivia @rcarbo1

Lmk if you want to be added to the tag list

#pro tamlin #tamlin x reader #tamlin x you #tamlin fanart #tamlin acotar #tamlin #tamlin x oc #lucien vanserra #pro lucien #pro lucien vanserra

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achaotichuman · 11 months ago

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omg this isn't a request or anything but could you imagine Azris babysitting Toddler Dahlia for a day 💀

THEY WOULD BE STRESSED.

Lucien would smugly hand her over to eris in such a sickly sweet tone that is far too sarcastic to have any good intentions and then just run away

While Eris looks at the child in his arms, so confident that he's got this since he has so many siblings. I feel like Azriel would be the type to have no experience AT ALL and probs poke the Dahlia and then get his finger bitten off.

(many lives were lost that day)

Lucien just winnows into Eris' office, holds up his daughter and is like "Do you wanna babysit your perfect, sweet, innocent little niece?? Of course you do!!!"

Before Eris can even get a word out Lucien is pretty much shoving Dahlia into Eris' arms, goes on for a moment about how easy she is to take care of then bolts out of the office.

Dahlia is giggling and babbling in his arms, Eris is like "Well then, just you and me little one."

Azriel shows up and is like "Wtf???" And Eris is like "This is my niece aka our niece and we are taking care of her today."

Then Dahlia spots a shiny breakable on Eris' desk and is immediately like, "Gimme!"

Eris, being super responsible, goes, "No, no that could hurt you if it breaks."

Dahlia looks up at Eris, and in the most serious voice a toddler can manage, says, "Gimme."

Eris says, "No."

Claws are out, there is screaming, there is crying, there is blood, there are bruises and there are tears. Azriel runs to the nearest corner and is hiding, while Eris is cursing and trying to tear this tiny ball of furry fury off of him.

Eris only manages to calm Dahlia down by lighting a nearby chair on fire, and ofc Dahlia being the chaos gremlin she is, is immediately like, "ooooh fire!" And forgets all about the shiny breakable.

So now the fear of Dahlia has been slapped into Eris and Azriel.

And the day is full of chaos, Eris still tries to say no and teach Dahlia she cannot get everything she wants, she does not take this very well.

Azriel is hiding from behind a chair, whenever Eris brings Dahlia into the room, Azriel either leaves or gets as far away as he can.

Then Dahlia is overtired, which means more outbursts and more destruction.

And then Azriel decides, 'I don't know anything about children, but when I was a kid, my shadows sung to me to calm me down and I'm desperate, so let's give that a shot."

So from the corner of the room, Azriel is hidden in his shadows and starts singing a lullaby. And Dahlia hears it and is like 'Interesting... this pleases me.' And she goes to sleep.

Eris is incriedbly indignant that Azriel was the one to get her to sleep so he hands Dahlia over to him and is like "You know what, you deal with her."

Azriel then does paperwork with Dahlia asleep in his arms, whenever she starts to fuss he hums under his breaths and she falls asleep again. Azriel is now smitten with his niece in law (Is that what she would be to him??)

Anyway, then Dahlia wakes up and is alight with energy and tries to bite Azriel in the wing.

Thankfully around this time Tamlin shows up to collect her and is like "Alright thats enough time to go home."

Tam has now developed a system for Dahlia, cause turns out all that biting and lashing out is because she's teething really badly. So, he shifts antlers, puts her on his head and Dahlia immediately chews on them and is happy again.

Then Tamlin's like "Thanks for looking after her, I know she's a handful!"

And off he goes.

Eris is now slamming his head into his desk because, of course, of course, of course it was teething!

Though when Dahlia is 200, she still likes to affectionately bite people so maybe it wasn't just teething :D

#this would be hilarious tho #so chaotic #so full of fun times #the fun times are really only for dahlia #azriel is still smitten #even after she bites him #who wouldn't be?#acotar #pro tamlin #tamlin #lucien vanserra #pro lucien vanserra #eris vanserra #pro eris vanserra #azris #tamcien #tamlin's daughter #acotar headcanons #acotar au

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theflyindutchwoman · 1 year ago

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How's that gonna work? You, me, and Tim? And that's assuming you wouldn't want to get your own place. Either way, there's no room for me. Hey. Sorry I'm late. Ready for the movie? I found out that Time After Time is on a streaming platform. I think I'm gonna crash. Are you sure? David Warner is amazing in this. Well, I guess it's just us. Popcorn?

| ANATOMY OF A SCENE - CHENFORD EDITION 5.14 - Death Notice

This scene has such an understated feel to it… After all the big moments, those milestones that we got to see, this one seems rather quiet in comparison… Instead of being at the forefront, it is simply implied that Tim has his own key to Lucy's apartment. But it is never shown directly : he just lets himself in. And that's because this scene is about seeing Tim and Lucy's relationship through Tamara's eyes. She is the main point of view. And this is that understatement, that casualness, along with how Tim seems to be at home with them, how he basically lives there, that lead credance to her worries about where she fits in now.

She's trying to figure out her place in this new dynamic. And there's a certain irony in the fact that she never questioned this when Lucy was with Chris, despite his wish to move in together. It is as if she knew all along that it was never meant to be that serious… And she probably did. This is one more way to emphasise how different Tim and Lucy's relationship is. Tamara has been by her side since she was still a rookie. She saw their relationship flourish and take a romantic turn with their first kiss and their secret relationship… She's even the one who pushed Lucy to stop taking things slow. So she knows how serious this is for the both of them. And with all the upheavals she has faced in her life, it's natural what she would be concerned...

What Tamara doesn't realise is that Tim and Lucy are spending all this time there for her. It is evident in how confused Lucy is when she explains she is saving money for a future place. It is written all over Tim's face when he joins them, looking positively thrilled to watch a movie with them. It is unmistakable in the way his face falls when she bails out, even after he tried to convince her to stay with them. He was really looking forward to spending a night with the two women : his little 'popcorn?' is utterly adorable. And it is apparent in the way Lucy is watching the exchange, worried and ruminating on their conversation. Knowing her, she was probably rewinding and reviewing all their recent interactions in her head to determine what she did to make her think such a thing. For a second it looks like she wants to go after Tamara, before deciding to give her some space. And that's the thing : if they wanted privacy, they could always go to Tim's house. They deliberately stay at Lucy's place, even if it's smaller, to spend time with her because she is a part of their family (and because it's cheaper to use that set).

But I really appreciate that Lucy waits for them to be alone to reassure Tamara. Even if it concerns Tim, she is the one who took the younger woman under her wings, who offered her a place to stay and helped her… who made her feel safe. So it is natural that Lucy is the one who shows Tamara that she is not a mere placeholder. Just like she did after Jackson's death. The fact that Tam can already picture Tim and Lucy moving together, having children, says a lot about their relationship. But it is even more meaningful that Lucy can imagine that same future… with her playing a part in it. She's not just Lucy's family : Tim has fully accepted her in his life as well, as evidenced by his desire to have her present for movie night, or by setting her up with a mechanic to check her car. And later, by keeping an eye on her while Lucy is undercover.

And that reference of these two having kids… I just love how Lucy is taken aback at first, but doesn't deny it either, simply stating that it's for the future. Their certitude… It's not if, but when… And Tamara gets to be a part of that dream. Of that future. That's really the beauty of their little 'chosen family'. All three of them comes from either broken homes, or dysfunctional families. Like Tim, Tamara was in a rough place when she met Lucy. And like him, she helped her, gave her a safe place (literally in this case). And now, they are a family. It's all so symbiotic and the fact that it came from a genuine desire to help without any expectation makes it even more special.

#the rookie #chenford #chenfordedit #lucy chen #tim bradford #tamara collins #5.14 #Anatomy of a scene - Chenford Edition

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swans-chirping-in-the-distance · 7 months ago

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The Root of KOTLC Characters (this is NOT math related I don't fuck with that shit)

This is basically a long rant about the foundation of different characters in my eyes. This is how I see them; feel free to give your thoughts.

Sophie Foster

Sophie is a character who has been built inwardly. She couldn't fully rely on her family because of Forkle convincing her that she couldn't open up about her telepathy. She loved her family, but she was so young that that really affected her head. Sophie is this person who has built a house on no foundation; all she has are these little pieces of plywood holding up a full house. This house has boxes of Things To Do Later, mountains of family and friend moments, and her high expectations subconsciously set by herself because she's always been "better". And when the house eventually caves in, she'll be faced with whatever is down underground, with all the pain and suffering that she buried as a little kid with the only resource for building herself being distraction.

Fitz Vacker

Fitz was never taught how to cope. He grew up seeing his father's own guilt being poorly buried by Alden's self-gaslighting tactics. He grew up seeing his brother, whose anger was held shut by the thinnest of threads. He grew up seeing a variety of humans, for better and for worse. Fitz never knew how to grow properly. I firmly believe that Fitz is built around this backbone of uncontrollable anger. He can be SO kind when he controls in, but it's SO hard to do. It's like this constant temptation, asking for a little bit of his joy until all he's left with is guilt. And he refuses it as much as he can. But that's at his core, and your core is something that is VERY hard to change.

Biana Vacker

I can't see into Biana’s brain like I can see into Sophie and Keefe's and the others', but I can definitely say that her backbone (not foundation, I mean this differently than I do with Fitz) is sadness. That's what she resorts to.

Keefe Sencen

Much like I can imagine Sophie's head as this pretty painted house that's falling apart at the bottom, I can perfectly see Keefe's brain. Keefe is like a Russian Nesting Doll. He's built himself around this empty hole in the middle from being abused and manipulated at such a young age. That empty hole is filled with complete sadness. Keefe has built walls around it to bury it deep. He's focused on little things and cracked jokes, but it's never enough. On the outside layer, he's just a joking guy, but if you knock down that wall, he's angry. And if you knock down more, you see in the window to that bottomless pit, where Keefe keeps trying to fill up on kindness and joy and even anger, yet he can't. Because this sadness is gaseous; it keeps looking like it's empty, but it's full. And in the gaseous hole of sadness, Keefe sees a reflection of himself, an ugly, warped reflection that looks a little too similar to his parents. And that's why Keefe builds up all of these walls; not because he's afraid of the hole in himself, but because he's afraid of having to see himself in it.

Dex Dizznee

Dex is built on anger. No doubt. He can be kind, but he's angry about the Council wronging him, his peers wronging him, and all the suffering his family has gone through. I think Dex's is the most clear out of all of them if you ignore when he randomly became innocent in some of the later books.

Tam Song

Tam is built on this unwavering support of love. When his parents abused him, he had the love of his sister. When Exilium abused him, he had the love of his sister. Even when he and Linh argue, they still have each other. They can argue and still hug it out when they hear rough news. Hell, even if he didn't have Linh, he still has his friends that he deeply cares for. Tam is a much more loving person than people give him credit for. He would kill for them and die for them. He knows he'll be alright because Tam has love, and it's something not enough people see.

Linh Song

Linh looks very peaceful. She's learned to control it. But deep down, she's angry. She's angry like Fitz, and she's bursting at the seems of her smiles. She's angry her brother chose someone else over her, that her parents have the nerve to try to win her back, that no one ever listens to her. Linh is finding it harder and harder to control that deep anger that has been in there since her parents gaslighted her and Tam. Tam seems angry, but he is truly loving, and Linh seems sweet, but is really mad.

#twilomiwb #i could be digging too much into them but hey. if im wrong we pretend its just an au #kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #sophie foster #keefe sencen #biana vacker #tam song #fitz vacker #dex dizznee #linh song

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hausofmamadas · 8 months ago

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PRIMOGENITAL | the Wisdom of Fredward Horniman

From The Gentlemen, Episode 1 - Refined Agression

∴

Look, you guys. He’s really suffered, okay?

He’s been STABBED in the heart, he’s been London-BRIDGED(?), he’s been FUCKED in the face, DOGGED on the floor.

And it’s true. He has, despite being the firstborn son, been relegated to the truly harrowing fate of being the most embarrassingly, painfully, mediocre progeny in the family line, that his dad had no choice but to break with 600yrs of tradition and cut him out of the will, passing everything to younger, much cooler more responsible brother, Edwina “Eddie” Horniman. And isn’t not having a bullshit title, nor the crushing debt of his father’s failed above-board business, nor having to deal with the surprise! extensive, underground potfarm on the estate grounds and all the accompanying stress and criminal hijinx with it— well, isn’t it just the most traumatic thing you can imagine???????

Now all Freddy gets to do is:

live in historic mansion with way-too-cool-to-be-caught-dead-with-him, Inexplicable-Stunt-Driver-Wife Tamasina (known by abs legendary nickname of Wham Tam) who also, when asked by Freddy in a moment of desperation if she thinks he’s a cock, rightly points out, “all men are cocks, Freddy”

pal around in chicken costume and steal cars with chill asf brother that he only occasionally wants dead, Steady Eddie who’s legit so good at everything that Freddy doesn’t have to be good at anything

go “fishing” aka chuck live grenades into lake full of salmon, a method worthy of Park-Tuna-Assassin Ramon Arellano Félix and invent Crack!Weed another Ramon-coded pasttime with bestie-botanist and lover of all things hydroponic, hallucinogenic, and Special Sauce, Jimmy Chang …. AND

Skeet shoot out in picturesque estate garden with creature-whisperer, actual live angel, and all around Dilf-of-the-manor, Geoff

Oh, the horror.

No, but honestly, I cannot summon from memory a single character I have so biblically despised on first watch, only to full 180, violently swing in the opposite direction to straight glee/appreciation for the comedic marvel that is Mr. (not!)Duke-SirFancyPants-RoyalDumpsterFire-LordSomethingErOther, the one, the only, Frederick “Fredward” Horniman aka thisprince👇

Yeah, talk about refined aggression? I had some refined ass aggression toward ole Fred, here. Like when I tell you I hated this “man,” I h a t e d this man.

All I could think the whole time, on first watch was, wowowow, y’know what’s worse than a useless, entitled, infantile, drug-addled, narcissistic man-fetus …?

A loud useless, entitled, infantile, drug-addled, narcissistic man-fetus.

My mans, Eddie is wayyy too generous here☝️and every other time he bails Freddy out of whatever pigshit he manages to shove his full face into bc I’d be throwing more than paper. That antique furniture would regrettably be sailing thru the air, straight at that fat melon of this nepo-baby dressed in DivineRightofKings drag, if only to get a precious few fucking seconds of silence.

Like the only one reacting appropriately here is Charly☝️who Freddy snarkily calls Lady Macbeth with a mix of love and contempt only a sibling can display which like, not the best? insult? To be called one of the most groundbreaking female characters of all time? But our boy is nothing if not scholarly, right. So im sure he super paid attention when the class was reading Macbeth

So, yeah. He’s basically the worst. There’s a metric fuck ton of evidence to support that. AND YET, this mf isn’t completely useless bc after my 2nd and 3rd rewatch specifically witnessing the genius that is his alter ego, plastic Russian gangster, Anatoly Givenchy Romanov who laavs orange cars and Siberian tigers let me do tell you, against my better judgment, I found myself growing to love and adore the (2nd) funniest character in an already hilarious show (crown goes to beautiful tropical fish Jimmy bc mans always proper vibin’)

And now, when I watch this scene, instead of berserker levels of enraged, I’m struck with a disorienting combo of secondhand cringe + juvenile glee??? Like instead of wanting to aggravated manslaughter my own tv, I’m just “awww, Fredward. What a little nothing you are. Look how silly you look in your lil boarding school jumper.” And it feels good(?) but mostly bad. And then I do this

like the true American scum that I am.

═

taglist: @drabbles-mc @when-did-this-become-difficult @narcolini, @ladygoatee ⇝ tagged bc even tho you have zero intention of watching, you were diligently taking notes

#freddy horniman #the gentlemen #the gentlemen netflix #No but seriously Freddy is my son now #the magnitude of emotional whiplash is unmatched by any other character I swear #and idk how on God’s dying earth that happened #actually I do bc Freddy is me c. 2014 minus the asset rich/cash poor aristocratic hubris so you could just say Hoodrat runs in the fam #but at least I can say I have the good sense to be ashamed of it #which I am … deeply

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shadowqueenjude · 1 year ago

Text

Tamlin's villain origin story

This is a continuation of the first post I made about evil Tam Tam! You can find that post here: https://www.tumblr.com/lorcanisdabest/733808240520986624/so-im-kind-of-obsessed-with-evil-tam-tam-now-so-i?source=share @achaotichuman I know you love the idea of evil Tam Tam so here you go:

Feyre sat in the tent with her court, tears silently flowing down her face. Cassian, too, hadn’t stopped crying ever since he’d seen his High Lord bite the dust. Elain had not reacted at all; in fact, she had been the calmest of the group, going around helping clean up injuries while occasionally speaking with Lucien; the most the two of them had interacted with each other. All of it was background noise compared to the buzzing in her brain. Your mate is dead your mate is dead your mate is dead-

The idiot had sacrificed himself to heal the Cauldron. Feyre had one shot, one stupid, desperate hope to bring him back, and Tamlin had crushed it. He had duped her so badly. The worst part was, after the initial shock and anger had faded away, she couldn’t even blame him for it. She had done horrible things to him; her mate had too. Could she really blame him for seizing the chance to rub it back in her face?

Feyre was knocked out of her thoughts by Lucien and Elain rushing through the flaps of the tent. Lucien’s face was flushed, crimson in his cheeks as he panted, “The Cauldron is gone.”

Feyre stood up. “Was it Tam-“

“No.” Lucien shook his head. Feyre didn’t fail to note the hand he kept gripped in Elain’s, nor the fact that Elain failed to remove her hand from his. “It was your sister. Nesta. She hijacked the Cauldron; I don’t know how, but I imagine it has to do with the fact that she’s Made-“

“Nesta wouldn’t do this,” Cassian interrupted. His fists were clenched, knuckles white. “She wouldn’t. I know she wouldn’t.”

“You don’t even know her,” Lucien sneered at Cassian. Cassian snarled at him, but flame sizzled in Lucien’s eyes, and Cassian backed down. “She encircled the Cauldron with silver flames and bent it to her command. Eris helped her winnow away.”

Cassian just kept shaking his head vigorously. “It’s quite possible she’s in league with Tamlin,” Lucien added. “Well, I’m about one of the only people who could possibly talk sense into the male. So, I will be doing that.”

“Wait!” Feyre cried. “You don’t even know where he’s gone!”

Lucien offered Feyre a reassuring glance. “I know him better than anyone. I can think of a few places where he might have gone.”

Feyre didn’t get a chance to protest as Lucien winnowed, Elain’s hand still in his. Graysen’s mansion “She didn’t suspect anything?” Tamlin asked as Lucien and Elain appeared. Right on schedule.

“Not even a bit,” Lucien replied. “She trusts me. As she should. After everything she did to me, I still helped her so much. And she treated me like dog shit.”

Tamlin nodded sympathetically. “After she started hanging out with Rhysand, something went seriously wrong with her. I wonder if Rhysand had the ability to permanently alter brain chemistry.”

“Knowing how powerful he is, he probably did,” Lucien replied. “Where’s Nesta?”

“At the Autumn Court, with Eris.” Tamlin smiled. “That girl knows how to act. You never would’ve known by the way she acted at the High Lord meeting that she approached me immediately afterwards.”

“What did she ask for?”

Tamlin shrugged. “Freedom.” He jerked his chin at the mansion. “Shall we?”

As the two friends and Elain walked back towards the mansion, Tamlin explained. Nesta’s movements had been restricted to the Night Court because she had no money of her own. So, she’d simply asked for a large sum of money so she would be free to live her own life in Prythian away from her sisters. Elain remained unsurprised by most of this, and Tamlin had to surmise that her seer abilities accounted for the lack of surprise. She had not even been a part of the plan, but she seemed to have no problem being here at the moment. “Your information on the Night Court and Velaris was incredibly helpful, by the way,” Tamlin added. “I have detailed plans on every building you described.”

“My fox reputation is well-deserved, you know,” Lucien said in a sing-song voice, and Tamlin laughed. “With Rhysand and the King of Hybern dead, there are some serious power gaps. Feyre, it seems, was chosen as the High Lady of the Night Court, but Hybern is still left without a ruler.” Tamlin turned to Lucien. “You should take over. Rule the place.”

Lucien put a hand on his chest. “Me?” “Yes, you. There’s no one more suitable for ruling. You already have connections with every court in Prythian. With you as King of Hybern, we could usher both lands into a new era.”

Lucien grinned. “Sounds like a plan, Tam.”

#villain origin story #pro tamlin #tamlin #pro lucien vanserra #lucien vanserra #nesta archeron #pro nesta archeron #eris vanserra #pro eris vanserra #elain archeron #pro elain archeron #fanfic

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arrowheadedbitch · 11 months ago

Note

Okay, okay, you know that pic someone made of you au where Tim is catatonic from underuse of his powers?

Can I gift you a drabble that I got inspired writing? Because I wrote this while I was at work and I need to share it with you!!! I had a random spike of inspiration 🤣🤣🤣

----------

You know, Tim is usually careful about these things - using his powers for a few minutes a day to avoid random visions from entering his mind.

Right now, though, he could feel the pull of multiverses asking for his attention.

Is this his fault? Yes. But is he going to accept that it's his fault that he focused on solving cases instead of taking care of his overall wellbeing? OF COURSE NOT!!! He'd blame the multiverse, because the multiverse won't leave him alone.

It's probably the cape. Chicks and the multiverse digs the cape TOO MUCH, apparently. Or his hair.

Anyways.

There is painful cold and heat behind his eyes, and finally, the multiverse greets him with potential outcomes of what's to come in the next few days.

It was at this wonderful moment that Jason Todd walked in, stretching his arms and loudly yawning. He does this just to be purposefully annoying to whoever is in the room. If it were Bruce, even better!!

When he sees the back of one Tim Drake, he snickers loudly and greets as loud as possible, "Hey, Timmy!!"

No reaction.

Huh.

Well, that won't discourage our resident zombie-man! So, he comes closer, clasps a hand over Tim's shoulder and gives a mock-offended look. "Yo, Pretender, you fall asleep aga-"

He cut himself off.

He cut himself off because Tim, the Pretender, his brother, is emotionlessly staring into space with lazarus green eyes.

It's been months since he's felt the pit's influence, but he could feel it roar within him when he puts piece after piece together of what could have happened to Tim.

Tim had died.

Tim had been brought back to life.

And the effects on Tim is different from Jason.

Where Jason was Catatonic first before being dunked, Tim seemed to have been brought back to life first before experiencing the catatonia.

But just in case.

"Hey, Tim, can you hear me?" Jason tapped lightly on Tim's cheeks. No reaction, not even a blink. Tim just stayed still.

He could hear and feel his own heart beating loudly in his chest as he shakes Tim's shoulder, asking him to snap out of it, but to no avail.

But it seems Jason shouldn't have shook Tim because his brother's body no longer wanted to stay upright. He guided Tim's torso towards himself, gently placing Tim's head to his shoulder. Then, he sat both of them down.

Once the two of them were seated, Jason brought out his phone and emergency called Dick.

He didn't even realize his own heavy breathing.

Dick answered.

------------

And that's about it!! I had the rest of my break imagining Dick arriving and seeing Jason and Tim. The two of them taking care of Tim the next few days. The first day just the two of them, but affter the second day, the rest of the batfam gets involved.

I imagined Bruce breaking down but doing his best to guide Tim around the manor, Jason trying and failing to call to Tim's consciousness (little did he know that it actually did work in helping Tim navigate in getting back), Dick doing everything he could in keeping the family together, Damian taking over WE and learning to fear Tam and the conflict between PR vs HR, Damian trying to help Jason as well in calling to Tim's consciousness so that Tim could think of a faster way to do paperwork (also because he misses his big bro but you can't prove anything!!!!!), Steph trying to help and comfort Damian and keep the kid company, and Cass not liking at all how she couldn't read anything about Tim at the moment.

It takes a whole week, but as Alfred changed Tim's IV, Tim slowly regains consciousness and feels the full force of a headache, which also causes a nosebleed, which also causes panic to happen around the cave, which causes Tim to pass out again.

This time, it takes him 2 whole days to recover, with little glimpses of the future (this time they're much nicer and full of family wholesome fluff), and wakes up to Jason reading out loud the biography of Peter B. Parker, The Greatest Bioengineer of the Century.

He says, rasping, "Oh. It's Spider-man."

No one knows who the fuck Spider-man is but they were all so happy Tim was back, they asked question after question when he died and came back to life. Dick was a bit more reserved about it, having an inkling of when it could be.

Tim frowned at them and said, "I didn't die."

And they all think, 'Oh no. He either doesn't know, or the trauma is so great he doesn't remember it.'

And that's what happened in my mind after encountering your AU! 🤣 I'm pretty sure you have your own twist and interpretations of this, and I am still going to explore more of your AU, because admittedly, I just encountered some of your incorrect quotes and that one pic. I think I'll read your fic when I get the time. BUT YOUR AU IS TAKING OVER MY BRAIN. IT'S LIVING RENT-FREE IN IT!!! I LOVE YOUR AU!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

Oh thank you! This is so nice!!!

@the-tired-ish-rat absolutely needs to see this! (It's about their headcanon after all)

I love your interpretation and am so glad you enjoy my au!!!!!!

And here's @the-tired-ish-rat 's drawing that inspired you!

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my-deer-history · 9 months ago

Text

Francis Kinloch in the Müller-Bonstetten letters: Part 3

My translations here, German and French originals below the cut. Thanks to @acrossthewavesoftime for help on a particularly sticky passage!

28 Aug 1776

What can I do about it that my pen always flatters you? Now that Kinloch is also leaving me, you are everything to me. I understand your heart, I understand you in your absentmindedness.

Difficile est saturam non scribere. nam quis iniquae

tam patiens urbis, tam ferreus, ut teneat se.*

My letters will henceforth be different. My Kinloch departs from me, and B. is the only mortal whom I can embrace, at least once a week. [...] And he is Kinloch, whose hometown is, at this moment, being challenged by Clinton, who in this hour may have lost his entire fortune to the bombs or the sword, who knows that his gentle mother and his sister are exposed to the barbaric rage of the German troops, and who continues to calmly study the law, to prepare himself for great things, and even finds the time to love me, and to greet you.

*From Juvenal’s Satires:

It is hard not to write Satire. For who is so tolerant of the unjust City, so steeled, that he can restrain himself

18 Sept 1776

I wrote a long letter to you and did not send it, because I know that you always share my displeasures with me. I would rather harden myself against them; excepting vice and ignorance, there is no misfortune in the world for the wise; otherwise, what would be the purpose of philosophy! It has been a long time since you wrote to me; remember that I cannot be without you. Kinloch is leaving, when? I do not know, but certainly before the 10th October,* for three days to Iverdun; I am not going with him.

When K wants to leave me what little the war has spared him, and wants to renounce everything for me, and is angry that fate has not made him rich for my sake, then your friend feels the power of divine friendship over his heart, looks for it in vain among the others, sees only you and him.

*John Laurens writes to Kinloch on 30 September and mentions that Kinloch expected to leave for Italy earlier than planned, on account of the health of his travelling companion – and possibly a young lady he was courting – called Miss Stephens.

30 Oct 1776

Kinloch makes me happier than all 13 Cantons*. I have 3 letters from him, I will bring them for you.

*The 13 Cantons made up the Swiss Confederation until 1798, and were the subject of Müller’s extensive historical studies.

23 Dec 1776

At about seven o’clock I write my letters; weekly to you and to Kinloch; rarely to others on business; occasionally to Geneva because of the unrest; occasionally to a young person who loves me very much and whom I am training to serve in place of my eyes. [...] My happiest moments are those in which I find a new connection or a new direction, and those where I rise from my work, and walk around my room alone, my thoughts fixed on you and K. or on my future happiness.

31 Dec 1776

Kinloch writes, all his letters are full of imagination and sentiment; he has seen Cardinal Bernis, the Duke of Ostergotland, the Duke of Gloucester. The American army is scattered, Washington appears to be looking for a good peace for himself and his people; if the war should continue, K has determined to sacrifice all the happiness that awaited him, even the health that he only enjoys in Europe, to his mother. I can never praise the nobility of his elevated soul enough to you.

17 Feb 1777

Do you not think that I would do well to tell Kinloch not to look for anything for me, until I write otherwise to him again? [...] That which makes me unable to expect I shall ever be independent from the pen is my unlimited yearning for fame; all that I write, I want to make worthy of all times and all peoples: that makes the work long. But I am not anxious; I trust in you and Kinloch and myself. I want to send you letters about Italy from Kinloch along with my chapter!

1 April 1777

I embrace you, my brother and my friend. As soon as I am freed from the shackles of this death, I will live for you alone and for K. Farewell, farewell.

12 April 1777

And another thing: Yes, the Greeks had kings; these kings were planters, like Abraham, like our old nobility and the american Englishmen. If Kinloch’s 2000 acres in Florida and his Kensington, Kinlochfurt and Winyau* were laid together, Homer would have called him King Francis Kinloch.

[...]

Kinloch from Paris: “In this moment I receive yours and stretch the hand of fraternal love to you across the extent of country, that separates us my dearest M. The love of you is an essential part of my very being, and I could not sooner quit the one as the other. If there is a Being, whose eye pierces into the inmost recesses of our soul, he alone can know how much I love you, and how much, how ardently I desire from the very bottom of my heart, that it may ever be in my power to remove every obstacle that stands between you and the most supreme degree of happiness. The only service we can render one another at present, is to keep our friendship unsullied by any thing unworthy of it, to act as if we, each of us, had the eyes of him we love best upon us. The day will come when I shall be able to lay my hands upon your works, and to say with a smile of exultation: This man is my bosom friend. Trust me, K. will not be altogether idle on his side. I seldom, you know, give way to the effusions of my love, but when I do, the tears start into my eyes, and I am obliged to lay down my pen.” And you: “Everything brings you closer and closer to my heart.” Can I be unhappy, and will the warmth of your friendship not enrich my spirit? not ignite it? When I received Kinloch's letter I could not work all morning. Tell me, my dear friend: do you not love him too?

*Jucharte is a Swiss term for an area of land of 36 ares, though here being used synonymously with acres. These names presumably refer to Kinloch family owned land at Kensington and Weehaw, though it’s not clear what or where Kinlochsfurt (Kinloch’s Ford) is, as well as the 2000 acres that Kinloch Sr acquired in East Florida.

28 Aug 1776

Was kann ich dafür, daß meine Feder immer für Euch anseht? Nun mich auch Kinloch verläßt, so sind Sie mir Alles. Ich verstehe Ihr Herz, ich verehre Euch in Euren Etourderien.

Difficile est saturam non scribere. nam quis iniquae

tam patiens urbis, tam ferreus, ut teneat se.

Meine Briefe werden künftig noch anders seyn. Mein Kinloch scheidet von mir, und B. ist der einige Sterbliche, den ich wenigstens Einmal wöchentlich umarmen kann. [...] Und der ist Kinloch, dessen Vaterstadt Clinton nun ausgefordert, der in dieser Stunde vielleicht sein ganzes Vermögen durch Bomben und Schwert verloren hat, der seine zärtliche Mutter und seine Schwester der barbarischen Wuth teutscher Soldaten ausgesetzt weiß, und ruhig seine Gesetze studiert, sich zu großen Dingen stärkt, und sogar Zeit findet, mich zu lieben und Sie zu grüßen.

18 Sept 1776

Ich habe Ihnen einen langen Brief geschrieben, und nicht gesandt, weil ich weiß, daß, Sie meinen Unmuth immer mit mir theilen. Ich will mich lieber dagegen stärken; außer Lastern und Unwissenheit ist in der Welt kein Unglück für den Weisen; wozu hälfe die Philosophie! - Es ist lang, seit Sie mir geschrieben; erinnern Sie sich, daß ich ohne Sie nicht seyn kann. — Kinloch geht, wann? weiß ich nicht, aber gewiß vor dem 10. Det., auf drei Tage nach Iverdun; ich komme nicht mit ihm. Wenn K, von dem Wenigen, so der Krieg ihm übrig gelassen, für mich entübrigen, und für mich sich selbst abbrechen will, und über das Schicksal zürnt, welches ihn nicht für mich reich gemacht hat, alsdann fühlt Euer Freund die Macht der göttlichen Freundschaft über sein Herz, sucht sie vergeblich unter den andern, sieht nur Euch und ihn.

30 Oct 1776

Kinloch allein macht mich glücklicher, als alle 13 Orte. Ich habe 3 Briefe von ihm, die bringe ich Euch.

23 Dec 1776

Ungefähr um sieben Uhr schreibe ich meine Briefe; wöchentlich an Sie und an Kinloch; selten an andere um Geschäfte; bisweilen nach Genf wegen der Unruhen; bisweilen an einen jungen Menschen, der mich sehr liebt und welchen ich bilde, mir einst statt meiner Augen zu dienen. [...] Meine glücklichsten Augenblicke sind die, in welchen ich eine neue Verbindung oder eine neue Wendung entdecke, und die, wenn ich von meiner Arbeit aufstehe, und einsam durch mein Zimmer spaziere, die Gedanken auf Sie und K. oder auf meine künftige Glückseligkeit geheftet.

31 Dec 1776

Kinloch schreibt, alle seine Briefe sind voll Einbildung und Empfindung; Er sieht den Cardinal Bernis, den Herzog von Ostgothland, den Herzog von Glocester. Die amerikanische Armee ist zerstreut, Washington scheint für sich und die Seinigen einen guten Frieden zu suchen; wenn der Krieg fortdauren sollte, so ist K. entschlossen, alles Glück, so ihn erwartete, sogar die Gesundheit, deren er nur in Europa genießt, seiner Mutter aufzuopfern. Ich kann Ihnen nie genug den Edelmuth seiner hohen Seele rühmen.

17 Feb 1777

Denken Sie nicht, ich thue wohl, dem Kinloch zu sagen, daß er, bis ich ihm anderst schreibe, nichts für mich suche? [...] Was macht, daß ich meine Unabhängigkeit nicht von der Feder erwarten kann, ist meine unbegränzte Ruhmbegierde; alles was ich schreibe, möchte ich aller Zeiten und aller Völker würdig machen: das macht die Arbeit lang. Ich bin aber nicht unruhig; ich verlasse mich auf Euch und Kinloch und mich. - Ich will Euch mit meinen Kapiteln Briefe über Italien von Kinloch senden!

1 April 1777

Ich umarme dich, mein Bruder und mein Freund. Sobald ich der Fesseln dieses Todes befreit bin, lebe ich für Dich allein und für K. Adieu, Adieu.

12 April 1777

Noch eins: Ja die Griechen hatten Könige; diese Könige waren die Planters, wie Abraham, wie unser alter Adel und die amerikanischen Engländer. Wenn Kinlochs 2000 Jucharten in Florida und sein Kensington, Kinlochsfurt und Winyau* beisammen lagen, so hätt' ihn Homer den König Francis Kinloch genannt.

[...]

Kinloch aus Paris: “In this moment I receive yours and stretch the hand of fraternal love to you across the extent of country, that separates us my dearest M. The love of you is an essential part of my very being, and I could not sooner quit the one as the other. If there is a Being, whose eye pierces into the inmost recesses of our soul, he alone can know how much I love you, and how much, how ardently I desire from the very bottom of my heart, that it may ever be in my power to remove every obstacle that stands between you and the most supreme degree of happiness. The only service we can render one another at present, is to keep our friendship unsullied by any thing unworthy of it, to act as if we, each of us, had the eyes of him we love best upon us. The day will come when I shall be able to lay my hands upon your works, and to say with a smile of exultation: This man is my bosom friend. Trust me, K. will not be altogether idle on his side. I seldom, you know, give way to the effusions of my love, but when I do, the tears start into my eyes, and I am obliged to lay down my pen.” Und du: “Alles nähert dich meinem Herzen mehr und mehr." Kann ich unglücklich seyn, und wird die Wärme Eurer Freundschaft meinen Geist nicht befruchten? nicht entzünden? Als ich Kinlochs Brief bekommen, konnte ich den ganzen Morgen nicht mehr arbeiten. Sage mir, mein Herzensfreund: liebest Du ihn nicht auch?

#francis kinloch #johannes von müller #karl viktor von bonstetten #18th century history #queer history #john laurens

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alaydabug2 · 6 months ago

Text

@sparklenarniawizard

Broken heart/Broken mind

Chapter eleven

(Human AU)

Sophie and Keefe met in the children's hospital when they were little. Because of how long they were confined to the four walls of the hospital, they became very close during their stay.

As the years pass, they wind up being in the same classroom together due to their physical conditions. This makes their bond deepen.

But are they able to handle when life gets tough, throwing problems and complications their way?

This originally had a song with it

So use your imagination or play ot on your own 😅

The song is "Stand By You"

(Don't play song until said for best effect.)

Grady dropped Sophie off at the roller rink. She said goodbye and hurried inside. Tam and Linh were already waiting inside. She ran over to them.

"Hey!" Linh said. She tried to meet her half way, but lost control of her skates. Tam rolled over to her and grabbed her shoulders to stop her from spinning out across the floor.

Sophie walked over to her instead. "Ready?"

"Yup!"

"Alright, lemme go get my some skates."

Sophie went to the desk and got the skates. She strapped them on. She made her way onto the hardwood and tested her balance. Once she was good, she rolled to Tam and Linh.

They waited near the entrance for a few minutes while they waited for the others. Keefe came through the door next, Dex right behind him. They got their skates and went onto the floor.

Finally, Biana arrived with her brother trailing behind her. She quickly got situated and ran to join her friends.

"What's he doing here," Tam pointed at Fitz.

"Babysitting," Biana said with an eye roll.

"Hey, I'm not happy about third wheeling you and your friends either," Fitz said as he pulled out his phone. "I tried to see if Alvar would do it, but he's going on a date tonight." He propped his feet up on the armrest of the bench.

"Never mind," Biana muttered. "Let's just skate already!"

Sophie and her friends rolled around the rink. They rotated playing tag, dancing to the music, and trying to knock each other of their feet.

When some slower dances started to come on, they took it as their cue to take a break and get some water as couples invaded the floor.

(Play song.)

After a few songs, Keefe squeezed her hand. He motioned to the rink as Stand By You turned on. She took his hand, and he led her to skate around the edge of the rink together.

They rolled around in silence for a moment until Keefe said, "I know your birthday isn't until next week, but I wanted to give you your present now while we're here."

Sophie's eyebrows raised. He... almost looked flustered. She couldn’t tell for sure because of the dark room, but she could almost see a pink tint to his cheeks. It made one spread across hers, too.

He held out a little box. She took it from him, and gasped when she opened it. Inside was a charm bracelet. It only contained one charm. A small black swan. Alongside it was a tiny drawing of a black swan. On the back, it read in his hand writing:

"I hope you have a very happy birthday, Sophie. I know you've always liked how graceful swans are and how elusive the black ones are, so I figured you'd like this bracelet I saw when I was out shopping with my mom. I hope you like it."

"Oh wow," she breathed. She looked into his eyes. "I love it!"

He almost seemed to slump with relief as a tentative smile etched his lips. He helped her put it on. She tackled him with a hug and nearly sent them tumbling down from the skates.

Keefe was able to steady them. He chuckled a little bit, but wrapped his arms around her. "Thank you," Sophie murmured. "I really appreciate it."

"Of course." He held her a little tighter.

It was pretty much the same as any other time he hugged her. But somehow... this felt different for some reason.

Was it the way his grip was ever so slightly tightened? The way he almost seemed to be swaying her to the music? How her face was buried in his shoulder?

Whatever it was, she had to double-check herself to make sure she wasn't having a seizure with the way her heart seemed to do that same weird flip. That was surely a new development. Although she wasn't sure what it was. With the way her head was pressed against Keefe, she could also hear his heart beating fast.

They rolled around the rink again for ten more minutes. Neither of them had pulled their hands away. They didn't break away until they made it back to their friends and went to sit back in their seats.

Dex had suggested food, so they all made their way to the concession counter. Sophie made her way over to the table and sat down. Keefe took a seat beside her. She smiled at him. His pupils dilated and he looked away.

After eating, they spent the rest of the night horsing around. The dance music came back on, and they chased each other around.

Sophie stayed outside the rink after nearly everyone else left. Keefe still wasn't picked up yet. Thankfully, Sophie and her parents knew the drill at that point.

They waited until headlights drove into the parking lot. Ro rolled down her window and told Keefe to get in the car.

Keefe told Sophie goodbye and climbed into the vehicle. She could see through the tinted windows as he collapsed into his seat and started ranting to his sister about something. Except it seemed to be a good rant. When he finished, he had a smile on his face, and Ro patted him on the back.

Sophie got into her own car and her parents drove them home.

#keeper of the lost cities #kotlc #kotlc sophie foster #kotlc keefe sencen #sokeefe #fanfic #awwww 🥺#the seed has been planted 😈#Broken heart/Broken mind

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butterflydm · 2 years ago

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wot reread: towers of midnight (chap 27-38)

spoilers for towers of midnight

This gritted teeth reluctance of Egwene's, where she knows that they can't afford to face the Seanchan now because the Last Battle is more important -- this is the vibe. This is the energy. We need more of this when talking about the Seanchan.

2. Anyway, Egwene is trying to reach out to Rand's allies to convince them that he needs to be convinced to stop his plan of breaking the seals. This section works better than the earlier ones imo because Darlin, etc. doesn't know about the big epiphany and Rand's shift in perspective, so instead of another person reassuring Egwene that Rand is ~much better now~, we get a more measured response that talks about loyalty, and the Seanchan to the west, and that they all knew that the Dragon Reborn would likely go mad before the Last Battle so this shouldn't really be a surprise and he's still the only horse in the race.

3. They receive word that the watchtowers of the Borderlands are beginning to go dark -- a sign that the Last Battle is truly beginning. Egwene learns that the Hall is meeting without her, and goes to the meeting. After some Aes Sedai political wrangling, Egwene manages to get them to trade authority over the armies with authority in dealing with monarchs and rulers, aka Rand, who rules Illian. She also does some important loophole closing to make it harder for another secretive group like the Black Ajah to depose an Amrylin as happened to Siuan.

4. There is a certain amount of hilarious irony in Faile being hurt over Morgase using a different name and hiding her noble identity given the way Faile entered into this story (though Faile does realize this herself after a moment). But then she admits to herself that her real worry is that Morgase, as a fair woman, might fairly decide that Perrin really is a murderer, and they would have to deal with the consequences of that decision.

5. While a bubble of evil attacks Perrin's camp, Morgase and Galad are talking off in the Whitecloak camp. Morgase thinks about how she wishes she'd done a better job teaching Galad about shades of gray, so perhaps he wouldn't have been drawn into the Children of Light, with their black and white philosophy. She does her best to impart some shades of gray teachings to him now: good people can make mistakes sometimes and that's as important as knowing if a crime itself happened (basically that intent does matter when judging for a crime). She does not quite convince him, because... idk we need to draw out Perrin's plot more I guess. And the bubble of evil means that Perrin is asking for more time on his side too.

6. Okay, so Tam hasn't left at this point. But Perrin has been casually talking about how Elayne is planning to marry Rand*, which means it should be buzzing around the camp as gossip, which means that Tam should already know about Elayne when he first meets Min in Tear. There was zero indication about this in the Tam scenes in TGS but since it seems obvious that Tam should already know, I'm going to imagine/pretend that he talked to either Min or zen!Rand (once he returned) about these rumors about the queen of Andor wanting to marry Rand.

Anyway, Tam tells Perrin that he needs to leave on special ~Aes Sedai business~ but that he's proud of him. I guess that's nice. And then he leaves, off to go be in the ending of TGS and nearly get killed by his son. So that's where Perrin is in the timeline.

*this really does illustrate how infrequently Perrin thinks of Rand and how quickly he manages to dispel his visions of Rand compared to Mat, since he apparently has NOT been watching Rand constantly having sex with Min in recent months -- or maybe the ~Pattern~ just knows that Mat is more interested in seeing Rand during those times than Perrin is? Because Perrin actually DOES know Min and Elayne both separately -- he spent that winter between TGH & TDR spending a lot of time with Min and she even confessed to him that she was fated to fall in love with Rand (though didn't know if he would love her back), and he was in Tear when Elayne and Rand were together as well -- so you'd think that he'd consider what it might mean for Elayne's marriage hopes that Min stole her boyfriend, since he doesn't know about the shared love confessions, yet the only thing he mentioned as a potential objection to the marriage is that Rand might be too busy ~conquering his next nation~. I mean, I guess he could have been making poly assumptions but that's really the sort of thing that maybe should have actually been in his thoughts at some point, lol.

7. Haha, Elayne finding a loophole in the "required bed rest for a week" rule laid down by her midwife. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 ilu Elayne. Anyway, she's here to see a demonstration of Aludra's dragons! It's interesting that Mat explained to Elayne that Aludra's main motivation is to get revenge against the Seanchan, which potentially means that he told her about the Seanchan destroying the Tanchico chapterhouse and murdering & enslaving the Illuminators there. But, yes, the first public demonstration of the 'dragons' (aka cannons) is a success. After agreeing to give her all the resources that she requires, Elayne makes Aludra swear that she will keep the creation of these a secret, but Birgitte feels anxious about the idea of them anyway. "The world just changed."

8. Perrin's crash course in How To Wolfbrother: Dream Edition continues. This time, he's learning how not to be afraid of himself as Young Bull and how to confidently control the wolf dream around him when he's inside it. Over a handful of days. This is the first time Perrin finds out that this is the dreamplace of 'everyone' and not just wolf-related people. Hopper brings Perrin to a city so that he can walk through the 'fear dreams' of the people living there, so that he can do an accelerated crash course in How To Wolfbrother. And I do find all this wolf-development good but... wow, it feels so belated. Mat got his war memories in TSR and struggled with them over the course of TFoH but had basically accepted them by LoC. Perrin found out he was a wolfbrother in EotW and is only now finishing up his coursework in How To Wolfbrother.

9. It's interesting that the wolves are waiting on Dragonmount for Rand to face his moment of decision between destruction and life. We've only had hints of how connected the wolves feel to the Light & to the Dragon Reborn. Kinda wish we'd gotten more. One of the downsides of how Jordan kept dividing up the storylines and separating everyone, I suppose, plus the general theme of Team Light having rotten communication skills and keeping secrets from each other.

I really do feel like Sanderson rushed Rand too much in TGS and then idled with him in ToM and I think it would have worked better to have the ruthless Rand arc paced out more with the other characters in ToM rather than climaxing at the end of TGS. I'm also kinda... eh on whether or not we needed Perrin there ~in spirit~ with Rand on Dragonmount? I'm not sure we needed an outside PoV of this scene when we had an internal one already? I like the descriptions well enough but I am tired of always seeing Rand from the outside in ToM. But, anyway, Rand chooses life and the wolves all celebrate. It's kinda funny that the wolves are so into Rand and he... barely has any clue that wolves are related to the Last Battle in any way? I don't think anyone (Perrin) has mentioned that he's a celebrity to the wolves.

10. I am more than halfway done with ToM and I feel like barely anything has happened yet, lol. "Let's all catch up to Rand's moment of being awesome" didn't work for CoT and I'm not sure why Sanderson decided to repeat that again for ToM. There are definitely some chapters and PoVs that I am enjoying but overall this book feels like filler half the time, which is a WILD choice, bro.

11. Mat is dicing, and it seems to partly be a vibe check to see if his luck is with him (see, this is what I meant earlier about how Elayne's supernatural guarantee is more guaranteed than Mat's is). Strike nine-point-three as Mat notices the wide smile of a "raven-haired beauty". He is now preemptively telling (some) women that he's married in hopes that they will do the work of not being flirty rather than him doing it. Strike ten-point-three, as Mat regretfully thinks about how the innkeeper's wife is very pretty but her husband would assault him if he looked at her for too long so he only glances at her briefly.

12. He's been walking around with his face uncovered all day, hoping to draw the gholam to him now that he has a plan on how to deal with it. It works after a while and the two of them fight (in streets that are being kept clear by the Band keeping other people away). The gholam is able to get his medallion away from him, but Mat has borrowed two of the copies from Elayne and discovers that they still work against the gholam. Ah, and the secret weapon is finding a way to trick it/back it into falling into the Gateway created by one of the Kin. This is a good chapter, for the most part, except for some minor things here and there, that are mostly annoyances that were pre-baked into Mat's new characterization from Jordan in CoT & KoD. The gholam thing unfortunately does feel like it turned more into a personal vendetta, which I think is a shame, but I'm glad that channeling was an essential part of defeating it. Mat has, since parting from his slaver wife, now worked extensively with free channelers -- Teslyn saved his life against the gholam before, and it's Elayne connecting him to the Kin (who had to escape Altara to avoid being enslaved by his wife's people) that saves him here and helps him defeat the gholam.

13. Strike eleven-point-three as Mat notes one of the Kinswomen who is plump and pretty and would "fit nicely on his knee".

14. Yikes on bikes that Mat wants to give a slaver, who is hostile to channelers and who wants to torture and enslave them, a medallion that would protect her against channeling (though this plan of his does make an asshole move that Tuon pulls later somewhat ironic). Though he isn't aware of the copies' flaws, it sounds like, and one of those flaws is that they protect against some weaves but not against the most powerful, so Elayne could, for example, still balefire Tuon's ass if she were wearing one of the copies.

Also, I bet that Mat did NOT tell Elayne that he was planning to give her hard work to a slaver who would be willing to torture, degrade, and mind-break her if given the chance. Honestly, once Elayne does find out who Mat is married to, she has every right to feel completely betrayed by him. He used her to aid someone who would be willing to torture her and the people under her protection. And he's so deeply in denial about Tuon (thinking of her ~as a person~ as completely separate from her position ~as a powerful enforcer of slavery in a slaver society~ and behaving as if 'protecting Tuon' doesn't support the Seanchan Empire in any way -- this is the bullshit that his "your empire is my enemy but you aren't" double-thinking allows to him to believe despite it being nonsense) that it doesn't even occur to him that what he's doing here is a complete betrayal of the trust that Elayne has placed in him. And after Elayne saved his ass here too -- both with the copies of the medallion, and also because she and Birgitte are the ones who came up with this plan for him.

...I wonder if the medallion copies would prevent a sul'dam from using an a'dam, since (unlike the original) they do not allow the wearer to channel while wearing them. It seems logical that they would block the link created by the a'dam.

15. Anyway, Mat is basically pulling the exact same "I am on both sides and neither at once" routine with Tuon & the Westlanders that Gawyn pulled with the loyalist Aes Sedai and Egwene, so I can only hope that this means that Mat will come to his senses post-canon the way that Gawyn came to his senses and picked the right side once he learned that Egwene was imprisoned by the White Tower. There are a few easy ways that a post-canon narrative could make that happen.

Honestly, it's more likely that Tuon will grossly violate Mat's sense of morality past the bounds of what he can take than that she won't, given what we've seen of her personality and beliefs. If they have multiple kids in the future and Tuon raises them in the Imperial Seanchan way, Mat will rebel against having his kids sabotage and undermine each other to attempts to appeal to empress dearest; if he sees someone in a collar that he recognizes than this may bring things home to him in a way that it seems like he's forcing himself to ignore when the slaves are all strangers; if they have a channeler kid who Tuon tries to collar, etc. Lots of things could cross the line, and all of those things seem perfectly in her character as has been shown thus far in the books.

The interesting thing to me here is that Mat gets to fence-straddle without getting the fandom hate that Gawyn got for it. Is it simply because the reader got to know Mat for much longer before he started his fence-straddling ways in CoT? Is it because Mat has a more amusing internal narration so people are willing to forgive him for more than they would other characters? Is it because of who gets hurt because of the fence-straddling?

Gawyn's fence-straddling meant that he didn't help Rand during/after Dumai's Wells and he also killed some number of Warders during the coup. Mat's fence-straddling means that so far he's been complicit in forty Aes Sedai getting enslaved by the Seanchan plus an unknown number of injuries and deaths, and he's currently plotting to give Tuon a tool that would help her enslave more Aes Sedai (even if he chooses to be in denial over the fact that she could use it that way).

16. General Bashere and his army finally arrive with Asha'man to give Ituralde some relief. Rand shows up too, a little bit later, and apologizes to Ituralde for how he has failed in making peace with the Seanchan and in giving him the support that he needed. Rand goes out alone to kill a massive wave of Shadowspawn by himself.

17. Rand processes that he was angry during the recent fight with the Shadowspawn... and that that's OKAY. He's allowed to be angry as long as he processes and controls that anger appropriately and doesn't lash out at his allies. Very important step!

lol we also get updated on Min's Old Tongue prophecy analysis project re: Callandor. It's... lol, whatever. I guess it gives Min something to do.

Once again, I wish so much that we were actually in Rand's head and not just getting him filtered through other people's PoVs.

18. So Nynaeve has given a full report of her time with Rand to the Amyrlin & Siuan (who is clearly still one of Egwene's main advisors at this point? She's the only person in the meeting with Egwene and Nynaeve). She is capable of communication, just not with Rand. *sigh*

Nynaeve defends Rand here against Egwene (she says that if the Asha'man's behavior is Rand's responsibility, then the Aes Sedai's behavior is Egwene's responsibility), but was never willing to tell him anything when she was with him. The rest of the scene is them sketching out their plan to take out Mesaana (using Egwene as bait again). Nynaeve suggests working with Rand, but Egwene shoots the idea down.

19. Gawyn is just... casually hanging out with Elayne in Caemlyn? We didn't actually get to see their reunion? Well, that's disappointing. Gawyn guesses that Rand is the father of Elayne's kids and she mentions that if he is, it would be smart not to tell anyone about it, as it would make them targets. Gawyn and Elayne talk some various things through re: Rand and Egwene and, in the end, Elayne helps Gawyn let go of his hate of Rand. She releases from his obligations in Caemlyn, so that he can fully devote himself to Egwene & the White Tower. It's a sweet scene, honestly. It gets quoted sometimes as Elayne doing a Take That at Gawyn over classism but that's not really the approach she's taking at all with him.

20. While he's here, he takes out the dagger that was dropped by the assassin and examines it, getting a started reaction from one of the nearby 'Kin', who is actually one of the ex-damane (Marille), who recognizes the dagger and what it means. He finds out that the Bloodknives are Seanchan assassins who are sent personally by the Empress. Suicide troops left behind to murder Aes Sedai, in this case. They've murdered several women already, and those deaths are also ones that Mat is complicit in. We get a reminder here that "the Seanchan treated their damane worse than animals" as Marille cowers and whimpers when Gawyn's voice raises.

(And Tuon would happily do this kind of emotional damage to Mat's sister Bode, or to Egwene, or Elayne, or Aviendha, or Nynaeve, or Moiraine, etc. -- though that does remind me of how it, in retrospect, it does seem like the composition of Mat's party that escaped Ebou Dar was another deliberate choice to shield Mat from the true horror of what the Seanchan do to these women -- he has never met an native Seanchan ex-damane, who has had to reconstruct herself from the ground up after having been taught since fifteen or sixteen years old that she is a subhuman monster. But having someone like that around during the circus journey would have been an even stronger indictment of Tuon as a person and of her society as a whole, so potentially that's why Jordan avoided it)

21. So GAWYN gets to hear the explanation here that all sul'dam are capable of learning to channel, something that no one has ever gotten around to telling Rand. Kaisea, the ex-sul'dam (who was also Low Blood, it sounds like) that Gawyn meets here, is insisting that she belongs in the collar now. If Elayne is so sure that it will undermine Seanchan culture for this news to spread, then it's baffling to me that she isn't spreading the news! This should be a major (deliberately planted) rumor, especially in cities and villages near or across the Seanchan border (it's entirely possible that this was originally part of Jordan's plan for the Seanchan, before he decided to slow-walk them starting in CoT, for the sake of the outriggers that will never happen).

Gaywn learns that the ter'angreal rings that the Bloodknives wear gives them the ability to blur near shadows but it comes at great cost -- once activated, death will come to them, usually in a couple of weeks and at a month at the longest. Around now is when he gets the message from Egwene to return to the Tower. Instead of doing so, he has the knife sent back, with the message that the assassin is Seanchan (and the details of how they work). Also, just as the Seanchan declare their army Ever Victorious (and their empress ~may she live forever~) they also say that the Bloodknives are impossible to survive if you're their target. You can always count on the Seanchan to declare that they are The Best and Most Perfect at everything, despite the evidence being against them. From what I've seen in the books, the only thing they're actually 'the best' at is propaganda (though both of those traits -- claiming to be superior and only really being superior at SAYING they're superior -- are pretty common for fascist-style governments, so I guess that's all true to form).

22. Perrin is STILL planning to disband the armies that he has gathered (after the trial, before he goes back to Rand). wtf dude! I don't care if you don't want to lead them; hand them over to Rand and HE can lead them. He has stopped complaining about leading them publicly, at least.

23. Perrin has figured out that there's a connection between the weird dome in the wolfdream and the inability of channelers to create Gateways in that same area in the waking world. Oops, there's a section here where Faile's PoV becomes Perrin's for a few paragraphs and then swaps back to Faile's, without the normal spacing markers that the books use for PoV swaps in the same chapter.

24. Conclusion of the trial: Perrin "killed unlawfully" but did not "murder" the Children of the Light, because the Children did not have authorization to act within Andor's borders, so Morgase is treating it as a clash between two mercenary bands. Then she throws the sentencing to Galad. Galad asks if Perrin will stand by the sentencing, Perrin says that he will... but only after the Last Battle. Galad agrees to those terms and says he will name the sentence itself later.

(in light of our Dain Bornhald casting news -- this is the culmination of his own series-long arc, where he learns and begins to believe that Perrin was not responsible for his father's death)

24. Tonight is the night that Egwene plans to face off with Mesaana in TAR. They have their trap set. Egwene also asks Silviana to send Gawyn another letter requesting his return but to make sure that she asks this time instead of telling. Egwene would probably have had more success if she'd written the letter herself, lol.

25. The frustrating thing about the Whitecloak trial being the trigger for Perrin's character arc climax here is how he has committed much worse deeds since then and not regretted them. I don't care about the results of his Whitecloak trial. I want him on trial for selling two hundred women into slavery! Anyway, he's heading into the wolfdream to try to kill Slayer, while Faile is in charge of handling the retreat through the Gateways in the waking world. He isn't able to kill Slayer, but he finds the dreamspike that was being used to prevent Traveling and starts traveling north with it, so that his people will be able to leave.

26. While Nynaeve keeps an eye on the fake location for the TAR meeting that is meant to draw out Mesaana, Egwene attends the real meeting, which is between Aes Sedai, Wise Ones, and (for the first time) a handful of Windfinders. We know that Egwene's big goal is that she would like all women who can channel to be 'tied' to the White Tower in some fashion, so I'm guessing this meeting is going to be an attempt at making that work. The Windfinders describe the White Tower taking people in a very poetic way: "The White Tower inhales but does not exhale -- that which is brought in is never allowed to leave." And the Wise Ones are feeling some solidarity with that vibe.

Egwene agrees with this point and says that they may have been wise to keep their abilities a secret, but then says that the White Tower does have some knowledge that they do not... and they begin to work out a potential bargain. Accepted being sent to learn from Wise Ones or Windfinders... and apprentices being sent to learn from Aes Sedai and then being allowed to return to their people instead of being required to stay with the White Tower. It feels like she's taking the lesson that she saw with Nynaeve in the Testing here and applying it to the Aiel & Atha'an Miere. She also agrees that the ter'angreal that belong to the Aiel and to the Atha'an Miere can be agreed to belong to them, without the White Tower trying to snatch them away because they've declared ~all ter'angreal~ to be theirs.

27. They also talk here about the other 'common foe' that they share -- the Seanchan. That an alliance between their three groups will make it easier for them to stand together against the Seanchan. The bargain still needs to be ratified by each of the individual parties' people but it's a pretty sound one, imo.

28. Mesaana attacks the decoy location and, by ta'veren coincidence, Perrin's journey north with the dreamspike has led him to Tar Valon. And Gawyn manages to return to Tar Valon via Gateway right before the dreamspike arrives and cuts off the city.

29. Carlinya is dead OFF-SCREEN. She was killed by Mesaana off the page? That's so rude. tbh, I actually do wonder if maybe she was supposed to have been one of the women abducted by the Seanchan (due to the viewing that Min had) but no specific notes were left about it? While ravens are somewhat associated with the Dark One, they've been a lot more strongly associated with the Seanchan. But I do wonder if maybe the reason that ELAIDA was the named one who was taken by the Seanchan was so that the readers would be like "oh she deserves it tho" and not hold the Seanchan as accountable for their slave raid as they deserved to be, and as they might be if a non-hostile Aes Sedai were the featured one being abducted.

30. So Egwene, the Aes Sedai, & the Wise Ones are fighting Mesaana and the Black Ajah, while Perrin fights Slayer and Gawyn races to try to protect Egwene's sleeping body from the Seanchan Bloodknife assassin(s).

Nothing about this climax is impossible to do if Rand is still ruthless!Rand imo. He's not really related to what's happening here at all. Dragonmount could have happened after this and it would have been fine, story-wise. I'm feeling pretty strongly overall that it was a mistake to pull the trigger on Rand's epiphany back in TGS.

31. Perrin and his less than a week's worth of Accelerated How To Wolfbrother coursework vs Egwene's year-plus of training (since she started her dreamwalker training in the same book where Perrin & Faile got married, and they just had their anniversary), yet we're supposed to buy that he's become Epic Good at it.

I mean, Sanderson really was caught in a Catch-22 with Perrin tbh, because of how Jordan had stalled Perrin's character arc out. He is SO FAR BEHIND the other characters at the start of TGS that he kinda has to do this accelerated sort of character arc, where he went from driving in reverse to jumping ahead so that he could be with the rest of the pack but... man, there's just Too Much Perrin in this book.

32. The big battle: Gawyn kills the Bloodknives (proving once again that the Seanchan talk of being The Most Superior is just talk) but almost dies in the process. Perrin moving the dreamspike here trapped Mesaana in place; Mesaana attempts to use the same trick on Egwene here that Nynaeve used on Moghedien, imagining an a'dam on here, but Egwene is able to force the thought away and the collar off again (using, in part, the hard-earned control of being Aes Sedai, but also her Dreamer abilities in TAR).

But again, here, we have the reminder of how fucking awful it is to be enslaved by the a'dam, as Egwene fights her panic about temporarily being collared. So again, the narrative has not forgotten how awful the Seanchan are... in the plotlines of the female characters. Egwene is able to take Perrin's "it's only a weave" thought about balefire and turn it into "it's only a piece of metal" about the a'dam. And she is able to turn her will against Mesaana and defeat her permanently. When Egwene wakes up, she finds the bloody scene with Gawyn and the dead Bloodknives, and she bonds Gawyn to save his life.

33. The nightmare that Perrin pulled Slayer into is someone dreaming in terror about the Last Battle. Perrin seems like he's potentially realizing here the full gravity of the Last Battle in this nightmare? Maybe when he wakes up, he'll stop trying to send away volunteers who want to fight in the Last Battle. He's able to use the nightmare to destroy the dreamspike but has to flee before he can kill Slayer; with Hopper's last dying thought to him to "seek Boundless".

That seems like a good place to stop, since there's a PoV change in the next chapter.

#wot #wheel of time #wot reread #towers of midnight #wot book spoilers #wot spoilers #perrin aybara #egwene al'vere #mat cauthon

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thomasisaslut · 1 year ago

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Lucien Vanserra x Tamlin

Cockwarming — KTober

Word Count: 1.1k

Includes: Cock Warming, Spit as Lube, Pre as Lube, Desk Sex, Anal, Anal Fingering, Gay Sex, Hair Pulling, Hickeys.

Part Two Of: Edging || Lucien Vanserra x Tamlin

On Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/51240175

On Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/1391145317-𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐭𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫-𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑-𝐂𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠-𝐋𝐮𝐜𝐢𝐞𝐧-𝐕𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐚-𝐱

The letter sent, Tamlin sighs as he slouches in his chair. He stated a while ago to his mate that he wanted to send an apology to both Rhysand and Feyre, while he couldn't do it in person—due to multiple reasons—he still had a bit of relief as the letter flew away.

The High Lord stands from his chair when he spots another mound of complaints from the people, he grabs the paper from the top of the stack and begins to look it over when he hears the door creek open. Tamlin looks over his shoulder.

"Lucien?" Tamlin instantly sets down the paper and walks over to his mate, he cups his cheek with his right hand. "Is something wrong?" The blond asks, worried.

"No." Lucien chuckles then leans up and pecks Tamlin's cheek. "Is something wrong with you, Tam?"

The blond shakes his head no but his face reveals the truth, he was stressed. The paperwork of complaints has only been growing since Tamlin decided to start trying to fix is court.

"Tam." Lucien warns.

"Yes. I'm just stressed, Lu." The High Lord leans forward and kisses Lucien's forehead, staying close to him for a moment before turning back towards his desk. He sits back down in his chair. "The people's complaints have only been growing..."

"Well, yes, I imagine our court needs some adjustments, Tam." Lucien walks over and stands beside Tamlin's chair before intertwining their fingers.

Tamlin looks up at his mate and raises his eyebrow.

"Let me help, Tam?" Lucien smirks.

"You always help with my work, Lu." The blond seems oblivious to what his mate was suggesting.

"I know." Lucien moves to straddle Tamlin, the High Lord's cheeks flush a deep red. "Let me help you another way, Tam."

The Spring Court's High Lord looks suspicious but finally nods, Lucien unbuckles Tamlin's belt then his own before sliding down both of their pants in one movement. Tamlin's cock twitches from the sudden cold, the tip starts to leak pre.

"Already? I haven't even started." Lucien smirks, Tamlin's cheeks only darken in color.

Lucien smirks, he strokes Tamlin's cock a few times before removing his hand and spitting into it, he lubes up the High Lord's cock before lifting his hips and aligning his rear with the head.

"Lucien... I won't be able to focus if I fuck you." Tamlin whispers.

"Yes you will." Lucien sinks down, Tamlin's entire cock sheathed inside of his arse. "Oh... fuck!" The red headed moans, Tamlin has to fight the urge to buck his hips up, his claws begging to be released as he clutches the armrests.

"Lu... Lucien." The blond groans.

"Work, Tam." Lucien smirks, he rests his head in the crook of Tamlin's neck—making the High Lord completely able to see the work on his desk.

"I can't when you're-"

"You will work if you want to cum tonight, Tamlin." Lucien nibbles on the blonde neck, leaving a dark, red hickey on the pale skin.

Tamlin wants to say no but the thought of being left without being able to release in his mates ass... fuck. The High Lord complies, he picks up the paper he was looking at before and begins to read it over.

This scene goes on for around thirty minutes before Lucien rocks his hips, Tamlin's eyes instantly look over to meet Lucien's eyes.

"What are you trying?" Tamlin growls, he bites on his mates neck.

"N-Not yet, Tam. Only keeping you on your toes." Lucien smirks.

That smirk quickly fades.

Tamlin stands, his hands under Lucien's rear before he slams the other on his desk, he instantly begins to thrust his cock in and out of the red head, causing the Autumn fae to moan.

"T-Tam!" He shouts.

"Shush." The High Lord grunts, he snaps his hips, hitting Lucien's prostate every single thrust. "You've been teasing me for too long, Lu. I intend to pay back the favor."

Lucien makes a grunt of confusion.

Tamlin only smirks, his hand finds the tan cock waiting for him. He strokes the member with Lucien's pre, using it as lubricant.

Lucien can feel his release building, he moans and grunts, his back scraping against the hard wooden desk. "Tam... Tam I'm gonna..."

Tamlin removes his hand.

"What..." Lucien raises his thrown back to meet his mates piercing green eyes.

"You teased me, my love, now you will suffer the consequences." The blond proceeds to stroke Lucien's cock, his hips slow down their thrusts but don't dare to stop—teasing the red head.

"No... No! Tam p-please!" Lucien moans, pleading, wanting to feel the sweet satisfaction of his relief. "I need to cum, please, so bad!"

"No." The High Lord of the Spring Court smirks, mischievously.

Tamlin continues to fuck Lucien's cock with his hand, his free hand grips the red heads waist—pulling him down onto his cock.

"T-Tam... please..." He whimpers.

"Hm, beg." The High Lord smirks.

"Tamlin! Please, please, my mate! Let me cum, please!" The Autumn fae begs, he locks his legs around Tamlin's waist—trying to gain friction. "I need to cum so bad... please... please do it with me!" The red head continues.

That is all it takes for Tamlin to lose all of his control, his hips begin to pound and thrust, slamming against Lucien's sensitive spot once again. His pale hand continues to fuck Lucien's cock, stroking the tan member with his pre as lube.

"You want to cum, Lu?" Tamlin asks, a hint of malice in his tone.

"Oh! P-Please, Tamlin!" Lucien pleas, he rocks his hips, his cock moving up and down in Tamlin's hand. "Let me cum!"

Silence.

"No."

Lucien lets out a whine. "Tam, Tam, please!" The red begs. "I need to cum so bad, do it with me... fill me up with your own! Oh-" He moans. "D-Do it with me!"

"No." The High Lord of the Spring Court smirks, he continues to fuck into Lucien's rear before his release shoots into Lucien's arse. Filling him up to the brim with his cum, Tamlin pulls out. Some of his release dribbles down Lucien's inner thighs and the High Lord only stuffs it back in the red heads arse with his thumb.

"Tam... please..." Lucien pleas.

"No." Tamlin kisses his mates temple. "You will not cum unless it's on my cock, Lu."

The blond sits back down on his chair, he scoots in before pulling Lucien back onto his cock, the Autumn fae moans, the feeling of his mates cock and cum too much for him.

"Now, Lu, you are going to do what you came into my office for. Cockwarming."

"What?"

"You heard me, Lucien." The High Lord smirks. "You're going to cock warm me until I'm done working." Tamlin picks up another assignment.

And with the High Lord's demand so it was done, Lucien stayed on his mates cock, twitching and whimpering until the blonds work was done.

#kinktober 2023 #kinktober #tamlin x lucien #lucien vanserra #lucien acotar #tamlin #acosf #acofas #acomaf #acowar #acotar #a court of thorns and roses #a court of silver flames #a court of mist and fury

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