#im watching 4 sided dive

[hayleysayshay]

knowing that Liam and Travis listened to the soundtrack of Hadestown twice in a long RV ride is very appealing for me

[beedreamscape]

I think what is missing with 4-sided Dive that Talks Machina had was a third party to have those character discussions with. It's not the same with a fellow PC. Also someone with interviewing abilities, sometimes I feel like they meander so much.

And I do like to watch them talk, I do watch old episodes of AWNP, fireside chat, etc, but for discussing the game/campaign I think the mechanics of it muddles with the flow.

I personally feel no value is added from the tower of inquiry or the cup questions, though I don't mind the game playing at the end since at this point who had their curiosity satisfied can simply leave, but answering while playing which they tried doing at least once I watched didn't work at all.

Edit: Btw when I say no value is added I mean the format (being in a cup, pulling from the tower) and not the questions themselves.

[janitorjuliann]

great news everyone i got the chromecast to work in this hotel room right in time for the start of the game. there are no captions but we do what we must

[coffin-bird]

I haven't been watching 4-Sided Dive, so I didn't see where Matt said Xandis uses any and all pronouns, so I've been having a heart attack and a half thinking the cast was continuously misgendering them, bc I forgot Eshteross used she, he, and they pronouns for them early on.

[cutestbow]

Summary: y/n has to tell Jack the truth, (based off of the song futile devices)

Notes: I’m finally back!!, also very unedited so please excuse any mistakes!!

Warnings: self hatred, guilt, basically leading someone on. And that should be it if not let me know!!!

It’s been a long long time since I’ve memorized your face.

Laughter echoed throughout the dimly lit apartment i had been in for the last 4 hours, i had told myself id go home twenty minutes ago but that never ends well when im with my friends

“So y/n? hows jack going?” my friend asked, the question gaining attention from the others as if they had been wondering also.

“Oh it’s going well, he’s a really good guy.” I shrugged smiling at the thought of the brown haired boy.

“Thats it? You’re not going to give us any special details about him?” She groaned to my vague response.

“Yeah, like he doesn’t have a beauty mark on his left cheek-“ another one had chimed in

“No, his upper right lip!” I blurted out embarrassingly fast.

All chatter had stopped in that moment, the only noise being the tv that had been faintly playing in the background.

My face burned red from my sudden comment, if my friend no cited she hadn’t said anything about, she just smirked and took a drink from the glass that had been sitting in front of her.

“Well at least Christian’s out of the picture.” She stated once more before diving into conversation with one of the girls sat at the table.

I nodded but it didn’t feel right almost as if it weren’t genuine.

It’s been four hours now since I’ve wandered through your place.

Jack had left his apartment hours ago but i still remained after hours of him begging i stay and just watch the game from his house, so that’s where i had been left at now

Walking through the halls of his somewhat clean apartment, for someone who lives by themselves he really did try to keep some type of theme going.

I laughed at a photo he had kept near his bed of him and his brother when they were younger, it was a photo of when they lived in Canada the setting being somewhere snowy and the three brothers looking confused and unready for the photo.

I sat the photo back down and looked over at the clock that had also been on the side of his bed, i sighed walking out of the room and back to the couch to watch the puck drop.

And when i sleep on your couch i feel very safe, and when you bring the blankets, I cover up my face.

It was normal for me and jack to have our annual movie nights on friday, and work had kicked my butt the following week and I hadn’t planned on going this Friday but i knew jack had been looking forwards to it stating that he found a new movie that we might like so I couldn’t decline.

We had been laying on the couch, my head on his shoulder and eyes slowing opening and closing once and a while, i quickly snapped out of that stare once the arms that had once been wrapped around me were gone.

“Where are you going?” I asked as jack got up from his spot on the couch.

He didnt reply and disappeared into his bedroom, i had went to get up before he reappeared again, this time with a large comforter.

I sighed with embarrassment and guilt, “Jack im fine.” I said

“No you’re not, you’ve had a busy week. If you were tired, you could have stayed home.” He responded, eyebrows furrowed in worry.

He layed me back into the couch carefully wrapping the computer around my tired body.

The droopy state from before slowly coming back

I shouldn’t be doing this.

I shouldn’t be doing this.

I let out one last sigh before I closed my eyes.

And i would say i love you but saying it out loud is hard. So I won’t say it at all.

It had been a beautiful day, and usually on days like these Jack would tend to drag me out of my apartment to go on a picnic.

I carefully set a blanket down over the patch of grass we thought would be perfect spot to settle, I watched as he set the basket down and very carefully pulled each container of fruit and crackers out.

Jack had always been easy to talk too I never had to filter myself around him, but I didn’t deserve a person like him.

I watched him as layed propped up on one shoulder talking about anything and everything, slowly biting into my cherry. I paused for a moment before rubbing the bitten cherry against his cheek leaving a pink stain.

I laughed at his reaction going to wipe it away before quickly getting pulled down and the previous cherry being rubbed on my face now

I laughed attempting to push him away but it was no use he was stronger.

“Now we’re even.” He spoke, smiling down at me.

we stared at each other for moments, three words I died to say lingered at the tip of my tongue but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t do that to him.

And I won’t stay very long,

Tears rolled down my face as I found myself in-front of a door I’ve been faced with for months now, my heart banging against my chest.

I waited for a moment before the door swung open to a half awake Jack, his eyebrows furrowed in worry at my distressed state.

“y/n, what’s wrong?” He asked softly pulling me into his apartment, I pulled away slowly.

“I’m sorry jack” I cried lowering my head

“You’re so good to me, but I just can’t seem to-“ I sobbed uncontrollably, unsure if he could even understand me.

“I know.” He responded softly. My head shot up realization and guilt washing over me.

He knew the entire time, but why?, the question repeating over and over in my head.

“I’m so sorry jack” I cried, the sobs becoming more violent as he pulled me into an embrace.

“It’s not your fault,” he shook his head

“I just can’t see how I’m supposed to love if I can’t love myself.” I spoke once my cries softened.

“I want to love you,” I said pulling away, watching as tears threatened to spill from his eyes

“But I just can’t” I finished, attempting to wipe the spilling tears away.

He nodded in agreement giving me an understanding smile

“It’s ok” he reassured me as if I wasn’t breaking his heart.

“I understand if you’re mad or annoyed with me I don’t know why I’m like this” I spoke lowly, the lump in my throat making my words shaky.

Jack embraced me once more, this time hushing me

“If you knew why did you stay, why did waste your time if you knew you’d get hurt in the end.” i questioned

He sighed, “because the thought of not having you at all hurt to much.”

But you are the life I needed all along.

I smiled as me and a group of my friends stumbled into a bar we had been dying to go to for the past month.

the smell of alcohol and burnt out cigarettes washing over me in a second.

I watched as a few of the members separated going there own ways, leaving me a one ther girl.

We had decided to settle at the little bar ordering two beers for night.

I grabbed the cup swiftly taking a sip before setting it back down onto the table. I skimmed over the bar watching as people danced and played pool.

My heart immediately skipped a beat once I was met with a familiar pair of blue eyes that had been staring at me from across the bar.

I hadn’t seen or spoken to Jack in a year. Or really since that one night in his apartment. I would say we ended on good terms.

My face burned red as he waved at me with a soft smile.

I waved back, nervously smiling. I watched as he began to mouth something.

“You look beautiful.” he mouthed slowly

“I feel beautiful.” I excitedly mouthed back.

He laughed at my response from across the bar.

“Good.” he nodded.

[italiansteebie]

something you'd never expect about steve harrington is that he loves halloween.

i mean, he really gets into it.

he dresses up, decorates the house, hands out candy and even goes trick or treating with the kids as an excuse. "i'm keeping an eye on you guys!"

"you didn't have to dress up though,"

"yes i did, dustin. you don't know everything."

even after the upside down bullshit, he still loves it, and maybe he kept his scoops uniform with blood and barf stains so he could use it as a costume. and maybe that was kind of fucked, but he's coping with it.

now, steve's love for halloween is one of robins favorite things about him. especially since his house is equipped for an exceptional party, what with the size and the decorations steve is going to put up anyways? it's perfect.

so the halloween after scoops, they throw a masquerade of sorts. it's quite a rager, despite steve's expectations.

he decided to go as a masked cowboy.

he got the boots, the hat, and he wore a leather vest that ended up giving him a chill for the night since other than some chaps, it was all he was wearing on his body. he did the whole nine yards with a red bandana and some sunglasses.

"hey cowboy."

steve turned, taking in the sight in-front of him.

a guy, with long curly hair, somehow making a jason voorhees costume work.

he tipped his hat, always committed to the bit, "jason." he said simply, thanking the bandana gods for hiding his blush.

"never woulda thought king steve would throw a party like this."

"why not?"

"i dunno. it's cool though, guy seems to have changed."

"for the better?"

jason tilted his head, "yeah man. for the better." he said it as though the decision had been made, and locked in place.

so they sat.

and talked.

all night.

and the rest of the party seemed to fade away. that is until a drunk robin, dressed as micheal myers laid across his lap, "kick everyone out, im tired."

he checked his watch, it was 4 am, probably about time for them to go home. so he stood, gearing up to say his farewell to jason, maybe ask him for his number, but when he turned again, he was gone. only the smell of weed and cheap cologne remained. (and later, he'd find, a lone 36 sided die, that he'd end up asking dustin about).

it's silly to think that steve was falling in love with this guy after only just meeting him, but he'd grappled with his sexuality on a bathroom floor, appropriately, and was ready to dive back into the dating pool. or maybe the puddle, because halloween jason, seemed to be the one.

the only thing is, steve has no idea who the guy is.

that is at least until, none other than eddie munson had a broke bottle pressed against his neck. now he didn't figure it out in that moment, but when they were fleeing for their lives, eddie's hand found a way into steve's, and back at eddie's trailer, steve caught a glimpse of none other than the jason voorhees mask he'd been searching for ever since that party.

and maybe it was a sappy declaration of love, but steve was nothing if not a hopeless romantic.

"don't be heroes."

it was pleading.

steve tossed the dice eddie's way, watching fondly as he struggled to catch it.

"steve- wh?" he could see the moment it clicked in eddie's eyes. steve turned, ready to finish this mess, so he could talk to eddie, to jason, and figure out some shit.

"hey, steve?"

he turned, meeting eddie's eyes.

"make him pay, cowboy."

--

it was done.

they did it.

a few were in the hospital but, hey. they did it. eddie had been in a rough way for a little while, eventually pulling through but not before some physical therapy.

steve was there when he woke up.

had been ever since he'd explained to eddie's uncle wayne how they knew each other and what eddie meant to steve.

eddie cracked open his eyes.

"howdy, cowboy." it came out scratched, and rough.

"eddie," steve breathed, grasping his hand.

"i knew i liked those chaps."

steve rolled his eyes, smiling while tears rolled down his cheeks. "you saved my life." eddie said, reaching a hand to steve's cheek. steve shook his head, "how can i ever repay you?" eddie said, a glint in his eye.

steve laughed, "no thanks necessary," he said, tipping his imaginary hat, leaning into eddie's touch. "there must be someway," he said, southern drawl creeping into his voice. "how about a kiss?" steve asked, eyes flickering down to the metal heads lips.

wayne shook his head at the boys' antics. "will y'all just kiss already? im getting old waitin' for ya!"

eddie laughed at his uncle's testimony, before nodding, "c'mere, cowboy," he said, before closing the gap between him and steve.

"was it rootin' n tootin'?" eddie asked, a cheesy grin on his face as he pulled away. "sure was, partner."

"oh my god."

"hey robs,"

"steve, shut up. eddie's jason! jason from-" robin stumbled into the room. "from the party!" she all but squealed. steve laughed, nodding, "yeah, babe. we figured that one out ourselves."

[kinichwife]

mmm im playing genshin again and tbh freminet got my attention REAL QUICK. here are some headcanons

also this is a loooong post :sob:

freminet x fem! chubby! reader

warnings/cont: no warnings. just sickeningly sweet fluff. uhhh there's also gonna be a lot of talk about reader's body (in a good way dw aka freminet is obsessed w ur tummy), reader is implied to have a larger chest (OKAY there's some spice in there but only 4 bullet points out of 16)

he's so shy. he will NOT look you in the eyes. youre too pretty and he gets red faced and quiet when he looks at you

don't tease him about it or he'll give you the silent treatment....

but if you guys are in private, he's more bold with you. he loves to squish your stomach run his hands all over your body<333 literally can't stop squeezing you when you're alone. you don't stop him though, just enjoy the attention while you can

SUCH A SWEETHEART!! he loves getting you new clothes and seeing you try them on. his favorite color to see you in is white and baby blue. honestly, he just wants to match with you. it's his way of showing other people that you're taken.

he feels nervous complimenting you, so he often just whispers it really quietly when you're talking in hopes you don't hear him. (you do, you just don't bring it up so you dont embarrass him.)

absolute cuddle bug. he usually sleeps in a fetal position, so you pretty much have to curl around him. or if you sleep on your back, he basically attaches himself to your side.

he loves to stuff his face into your chest. he wouldn't outright admit it, but your chest is one of his favorite things about you, second to your lips.

he likes to watch you sleep. not in the weird stalker-ish way, but in a cute way. he takes small glances at you occasionally when youre taking naps, or if you fall asleep before him. he just thinks you look so peaceful, he almost wants to disturb you. almost.

loves getting you souvenirs when he goes diving! he brings you things like seashells, cool looking rocks, romaritime flowers, sometimes he takes photos of the scenery and shows them to you. most of the time he takes pictures of things that remind him of you

he loves it when you're touchy with him. it doesnt matter how, he just loves the feeling of your hands on him. he especially loves feeling your hands on his face; when youre holding his face it makes him turn beet red.

(spicy) he's obsessed with sucking on your tits. won't stop, even if you try to push his head away. he just ends up whining and attaches himself again and again. sometimes he even does it subconsciously in his sleep. it always surprises you, but you feel too bad waking him up

(spicy) he's very vanilla. his favorite position is missionary, despite not being good at eye contact. he just loves looking at you underneath him, he thinks you look absolutely stunning.

(spicy) best head giver. he's the type to pull you down by your thighs and stuff his face in there. and he won't stop until you're practically tearing his hair out. he even lets you grind on his face, he's so obsessed with making you feel good<333

loves to call you sweet petnames. stuff like 'darling' , 'my love', 'my sweet' , when he's being goofy he loves to call you 'wifey'. (he's being 100% serious though. he really wants you to be his wife.)

likes to squish your thighs when he's laying on them. sometimes he makes sound affects while squishing them, just to make you laugh !!

(spicy) if he's needy enough, he'll be very verbal. he loves, loves, loves praising you. one of his favorite things to do is pinning your wrists to the side of your head so he can see your chubby body bouncing with each thrust. he'll tell you how pretty he thinks you are, and how he can't get enough of his favorite girl<333 !!

[arsonkoobi]

taekooker to jikooker: my personal experience.

this is merely how i felt and all the things i saw while being a hardcore taekooker for almost a year and a half. if you get offended, im sorry but the unfollow and block button is right there, i dont mind. i love taekook themselves, but i can no longer look at them in the way i used to. now they genuinely look like best friends to me. people change, and their perceptions and views on different aspects of life change. thats what happened to me.

I first joined this fandom 5 years ago in mid january 2018 through my friends. taehyung was my first ever bias, so most of the bts related yt recs i had were mostly of taehyung and ot7, and occasional ship videos among which taekook was the most prominent. me being a curious lil unsuspecting lamb, clicked on one, it also helped that my friends were taekookers as well so i dived pretty deep into the rabbit hole of taekook. im gonna be writing my thoughts and experiences on shipping taekook at different times of the year. i dont remember every single detail clearly (like this was 5 years ago) so forgive me if i sound vague at times plus this will only be a summary. without further ado, lets start, shall we?

february-march, 2018

by this time, i already watched quite a few taekook analysis videos, i also came across a few tkk_lives' videos(i think i came across her vids like much later but i just included it here) as well as other deluded channels. i fell even deeper into the rabbit hole. i thought taekook were the epitome of boyfriends silly in love, i felt like they had the best chemistry and that they were the ones whose ship actually made sense. i feel so embarrassed to admit this but one of my rather major reasons for shipping them was how good they looked tgthr🤦‍♀️(im a changed person now i promise). now i realise many tkk analysis channels tend to heavily edit things to make it look like theres something going on, overanalysing things to no end, it made me see them as if they were closer than they actually are, and as if theyre hiding something, but it was really just heavy and clever editing that forces your mind to get convinced. it was quite literally manipulative. plus back then, i was rather immature and hadnt even been in a rltnshp yet, so i blindly believed whatever they said. i believed every narrative and every theory they put out even if i knew lots of them didnt even make sense. they constantly also put out the jealous jungkook/taehyung whenever the other breathes next to another member..as i now realise, thats one of the biggest toxic traits a person can have. they were always pushing tkk as a toxic relationship without even knowing it(or just ignoring it). i also do not like jikook analysis vids where they are portrayed as the same territorial mfs who cant stand the other interacting with anyone else but himself. bc thats literally pushing their relationship as a toxic one and making them look toxic, and i would rather not do that.

march/april-september, 2018

i only watched taekook vids and funny bts moments for a long while as a baby army. i didnt watch official content very much, i ddint even know how to watch official content..i didnt know bangtantv existed yet💀 this tkk analysis watching continued for around 4 or so months after i became an army before i took an unintentional break from them(analysis vids) and i went on twitter. twitter, was so much worse(as i now realise). i didnt have an account at that time and learnt to browse on twt without one(it doesnt really let you do that anymore). at first, i found nothing weird or unusual and i enjoyed lurking on twitter, but slowly i started to see the ugly side of the community. i found multiple accounts directly or indirectly hating on jimin. i was weirded out. very weirded out. i was quite conflicted but..i only thought of it as jimin haters who were coincidentally tkkrs, maybe i refused to see tkk shippers in a bad light? probably, unfortunately i cant remember much and as i said, i was immature.

october-december, 2018

i stumbled across gcf in tokyo somewhere in october, i think it was in a fanwar on twitter and a jkkr said "at least we have this" or sumn along that line and put a link to gcft . idek how i didnt see it earlier. immediately after watching it, i felt..weird, conflicted, insecure. insecure about my ship. it seemed so romantic to me even then. but ofc i didnt let myself give up immediately, and i searched interviews + info about it, i found tkkrs saying vminkook were supposed to go tgthr and jikook only went bc they had a few days off and tae didnt. that gave me a lil bit of security and i held onto that thread of security and refused to believe or even hear out the actual fact(which i will come to later). as you can see, i was a stubborn mf. inside i knew that even if tae not having time off was the "only" reason behind jikook's japan trip, it was still unusual and suspicious to go on a trip with only your "bro" when said "bro" has told you and the world multiple times that they wanna go on a trip alone with you, when the hotel room you're staying at with your "bro" has a see-through glass wall for the bathroom and when you make a whole love confession in the guise of a travel log for your "bro" while your boyfie is waiting for you at home.

in conclusion, i was very insecure.

did i give up? no, not yet. we're getting there.

so as a masochist and out of curiosity caused by insecurity, i searched up jikook videos on yt, thinking "there's no way they could ever have more chemistry than taekook 🙄" - when i tell you i was wrong as fuck, i mean it. i was HUMBLED. the chemistry and tension between jungkook and jimin was undeniable. i felt uncomfortable watching some certain moments, felt things that i didnt feel while shipping taekook, saw things i didnt see in taekook.

i was confused plus the sinking feeling you get when you've been too loud about what you think and your opinions but then it turns out you were a stupid ass bitch.

there was a plethora of jikook vids, and i think my first jikook video was from Made in Busan, ig it was the "serendipity" analysis? back then it made lots of sense to me, but now it looks slightly overanalyzed (i still believe "serendipity" is very much connected to jikook tho). i slowly got more introduced to jikook in general. this mainly occured in like the first week of october and december as i had my boards in november.

december/january-february, 2019

so its been more or less of a year since ive become a tkkr, gcft is still in the back of my head screaming at me. and then jikook drop another bomb. that is, 2018 MMA.

this..was just, just..i cant explain it in words. jungkook had every bit of his attention directed towards jimin, they were giving each other loving glances, jimin giving jungkook a flying kiss, jungkook giving jimin a finger heart, jungkook subconsciously massaging jimins nape..it was just so domestic and coupley. i've never third wheeled so bad in my life. i felt like i was interrupting something by watching them. imagine how hyunjae next to them felt😔✊not to mention how it very much looked like jungkook was saying "남편"[ nampyeon] meaning "husband" and "형의 남친"[ hyung-ui namchin ] meaning " hyung's boyfriend" in their conversation after jimin pointed to himself and jungkook (forgive me if the spellings/romanizations are not accurate enough, im not fully fluent in korean). plus, after jungkook said it, jimin smiles and shyly looks down..LIKE??

watch from 31:00 to see for yourself. im not kidding.(p.s i love this video so much)

i was bamboozled. i was shocked. i was frustrated. i was feeling stupid. i was begging for taekook to drop something mindblowing or sumn that would regain my secuity in the ship and i found some moments during other award shows but, it didnt feel the same. to me it was really looking like taekook had boundaries and limits between each other, the limits that apply when you're good friends. but with jikook, i couldnt see how their gazes towards each other could be passed off as anything platonic, how their actions+body language could ever be seen as platonic.

so what did i do? did i give up? oh hell no im stubborn as fuck. but we're getting there.

i ignored every jikook moment and brought my focus back on taekook, i started watching analysis and moments again. in a span of a few weeks, the security around my ship had improved after pretending that i didnt feel like a stupid mf after MMA 2018. haha. it sorta worked lol. sorta.

march-may, 2019

these were my last months as a taekooker.

after all that shit, all i wanted was more taekook moments to make me feel better about myself. and i did get quite a few. however, as i said before, they looked like they had boundaries. i couldnt look at them exactly the same.

i was busy in april with my class tests, i doubt i had much time to catch up with the boys. so when the tests ended, it was most likely in the last week of april or the first few days of may.

we all know what happened in the first few days of may, don't we? in case you don't, this is what happened.

surprisingly, i clearly remember the first time i got to know about it.

it was in class, i just arrived and then one of my friends and i start talking and she goes [this convo is all translated from bengali]

"hey did you see what jungkook did at the latest concert?"

"no, i didn’t, what did he do?"

"he went and literally sucked on jimins ear!"

i was shocked once again, my eyes went wide, my heart did a backflip..all that shit. i didnt believe it at first.

"don't joke around like that, you're being absurd" i said.

"im not kidding bro, he sucked jimins ear in the rosebowl concert last week, ill send you a link too"

when i got back home, sure enough, the link was there and i saw jungkooks ear nibbling in all its glory, albeit a bit low quality. but no doubt he took that ear into his mouth and i knew it.

surely i must've given up now? no, but im this🤏 close we're almost there i promise

i went online and found lots of tkkrs denying that jungkook ever took jimin's ear into his mouth and that jimin's ear only got caught on jk's chin. but..if it got caught on jk's chin then that means his chin was behind jimin's ear, and his lips must have been at least kissing jimin's ear, given that we couldnt see them very well. the lip we could see was the upper lip, which again lead me to be believe that jungkook did indeed, suck jimin's ear.

yeah, my faith in tkk was crumbling into millions of pieces. because i couldnt see how jungkook, being in a supposed relationship with taehyung, could do that with tae's best friend. i sure as hell wouldnt let my partner get away with that, nor would i ever do that myself with someone else other than my partner. even if its to comfort them. it just goes way over platonic boundaries.

i was seriously considering shifting over to jikook by now. but before that, i searched lots of shit up abt jikook.

there i saw an interview where jimin talked about the tokyo trip with jungkook. what i believed until now was that vminkook were supposed to go tgthr but jikook were the ones with time off, and tae didnt have time off. jimin said he told taehyung and jungkook that he wants to go on a trip to Japan. he didnt say he wanted to go on a trip WITH taehyung and jungkook. yall, ive told my wishes to go to japan and turkey multiple times to my friends, does that mean im taking their asses with me? no. mind you, jimin has said he wanted to go on a trip alone with jungkook multiple times in their rookie era. on jimin's bday of 2017, jungkook tweeted a pic of him(jimin) with the caption "Its not over yet.." and shortly after, we find out jikook went on a tokyo trip by THEMSELVES with no staff, no managers and no other members. dropped off at the airport by jungkook's dad and brother and jimin's dad. jungkook paid for everything and put a hell lot of time into making the masterpiece that is gcf in tokyo WITH a bgm of a gay fucking song by a queer fucking artist and showed the fucking rainbow colored ferris wheel at the line "love is a road that goes both ways".

also

its clear who the main model of gcf is.

you can deny the trip being only for jikook, but you can not deny the symbolism and significance shown in gcf in tokyo. saying "jungkook didnt understand the song, hes not fluent in english" - is so small minded and belittling.

saying he didnt show jimin on the parts "boy, im holding onto something, wont let go of you for nothing, im running, running just to keep my hands on you" on purpose is not only straight up denial but also understimating jungkook's intelligence and artistic capabilities, saying that jungkook isnt smart enough to get the meaning behind these words. and just because hes korean. thats fucking racist if you ask me.

then i discovered the iconic osaka vlives, i was convinced. it was my last straw along with rosebowl.

alas, after around a week of denial, i gave up and became a jikooker in mid may of 2019. ive never looked back. over the years they've only given us more and more evidence and i doubt my beliefs will ever change soon.

i hope this was kinda fun to read, i had been planning to do this for a long time. im glad i finally got to say my thoughts out here. thank you for taking the time to read this<3

[lil-spider]

So Damn Pretty

Chapter 3

Part 2 : Part 4 :

Pairing: Johnny Slaughter X Female Reader

Summary: Johnny is sex starved and you’re very attractive, so attractive that he doesn’t want to kill you. Instead he finds ways to keep you around longer.

Note: Ive made Sissy a traditional woman who helps cooks and clean, but I also like to think she’s a modern woman that likes to smoke the zaza in her downtime while listening to groovy music. Im trying to make this a pwp. I’m not sure how many chapters but I want it to be a slight slow burn with some angst mixed in with other things. Johnny also wants the wants the reader to join the family and become one of them but he knows reader won’t be willing, so he has a plot in mind for her. That will all come later on heheh.

Warning: This is 18+ and please do not read if your sensitive to heavy descriptions of non/con and violence. Including bondage, blood, gore, assault, objectification and unsafe sex. For those who don’t mind, I hope you enjoy.

I dream of what might have been if the minivan had never broken down or I hadn't accepted Johnny's offer. In my dream, I would be out in nature with my closest friends, unwinding by a campfire, and toasting marshmallows. They give me a radiant, loving smile. I want to tell them how much I miss them, but when I'm abruptly roused by strong sensations, they disappear from view.

My clit is throbbing, my nipples are aching, and I feel a fullness down below. “Nnnnngh.’’ I groan out, my eyes trying to adjust and widening as I witness Johnny hovering over me, sucking on each of my nipples. I let out a loud gasp, realising his thick, hard cock was inside me, fucking me. “Mornin’.” Is all he says as he sits up, grabbing my legs and pulling them over his shoulders to pound into me. “Wait!’’ I yelled, but he kept going, thrusting even harder at my pleas. How long has he been fucking me?

“Fuck, I can’t get enough of your pussy.”He groans, keeping up his relentless pace. “Waking up to your wet cunt grindin’ on me.” He drops my legs and wraps them around his waist, going into the missionary position. “It was a clear invitation for my cocky darlin'.”

Placing his arms on the sides of the pillow, caging my head. He gets closer to my face while holding himself up. He watches my pretty face contort from sleepiness to pleasure.

I moan like a whore as his cock reaches places other men I’ve fucked could never get to. I’m starting to get addicted to the sex we keep having, never wanting to stop. “You’re just so fuckin’ pretty.” He groans, admiring me. Then diving into a heated kiss. My throbbing clit twinges at his compliment. What is this man doing to me? He leans back up away from my face and grips my hips, focusing his thrusts on a hard, steady rhythm, getting closer to cummming. I move my hand down to rub my clit, getting closer to that feeling. But he grabs my hand.

“Have you learned nothin’?” He’s now angrily pounding into me, losing that perfect rhythm. I whimper at the change. “If you want to fuckin’ cum rubbing your clit, you've got to ask permission.” He states. Pinching my nipples harshly. I thrust my hips back into him, groaning. “Have I been fuckin’ ya' too much? You’ve gone stupid now?” He pants out. His cock twitching at my needy moans. I nod my head at his words desperate to cum. He lets out a deep chuckle at my agreement. “Okay, then, baby, this is the last time.” Johnny whispers to me softly. Proceeding to get me off, he rubbed his left thumb on my achy clit, circling it. I throw my head back into the pillow, my hands grasping the bed frame.

He’s adjusted his hips and body lower so he can hit deeper. I squirm around as he goes back to sucking each of my nipples and biting them. He groans as I clench around his cock, each time he bites a nipple. He rubs my clit faster, feeling me tighten up, about to finish. “Johnnnnny.’’ I whine as I cum on his hard cock. Shutting my eyes, as he grips my hips, slamming into me, chasing his own release. He tucks his head into my neck, biting it hard, drawing blood as hot ropes of cum pump into me. I shiver from both sensations. He licks up the blood leaking out of the bite wound. “My favourite girl.” He speaks softly in my ear, making butterflies fill my stomach. He slides his dick out and cleans himself up with a grey t-shirt he grabbed from his old tallboy. He gives me the shirt so I can wipe up his cum. “Get dressed; I’m bringing you down to the kitchen to help Sissy make breakfast.” He tells me, while throwing me my discarded white dress.

Thinking about what Johnny did to me while I was asleep, I'm behaving a little hesitant as I get dressed. In an effort to seem presentable as I wait for Johnny, I run my fingers through my matted hair. He puts on his blue tank top and denim trousers, takes his belt and knife from his desk, wraps it through his jeans, and places the knife behind him. He looks really good and the way he walks so confidently leaves me a little flustered. While slicking his hair back on his way out the door, he grabs his lighter and carton of cigarettes.

“Come on,” I re-arrange my white dress and follow him downstairs. If not for the numerous bone decorations, the house would be magnificent. I bite the inside of my cheek and look around following after Johnny. He stops as he approaches the kitchen and chuckles at my uncomfortable expression as I unintentionally bump into him. As she chops some strawberries, Sissy laughs at my awkwardness. “Aww, sugar!” She laughs once again when she sees my red face. “Oh, Johnny, she's so adorable.” Both of them smile at me as he nods to her. Both of them smile at me as he nods to her. “She will help you out today while I finish up in the yard with Nubbins; Bubba is downstairs if you need him; and the old man is returning today.” I pick up on the slight annoyance in his voice when mentioning this old man.

Now it's just me and Sissy when he leaves with a “see ya.” I twiddled my fingers apprehensively, unsure of what to say or do. Sissy, however, snatches my hands and beams at me, saying, “I knew this dress would look great on your pretty frame.” She speaks adoringly as she examines me from head to toe. When she notices the bite mark on my neck, she hums and pulls me away from the kitchen backup stairs leading to her room. Her room is more colourful, with a bunch of posters and plants; it is far more attractive than Johnny's. She takes out a tin containing crème. She applies it to the bite mark, which gives me some relief. “There, sugar, this will help it heal; you don't want it infected now.” She seems to be really good with medicine and poisons, thinking back to the white powder blown in my face.

She walks over to a vintage white makeup vanity and pulls out a chain inventing me to sit. I look into the vanities mirror as sissy starts brushing my hair removing the tangles, I’ve got dark circles from lack of sleep and dehydration. “As long as you behave pumpkin I’ll keep ya refreshed.’’ She lightly warns me putting my hair in a double Dutch braid tying my hair halfway so it’s in pigtails. It’s really pretty. “It beautiful.’’ I tell her and she smiles brightly at me. How can someone her smiles so lovely be a murderer. “Sissy?’’ I ask her. “Yes pumpkin?” She responds putting some oil in my ends. “Do you eat people?’’ She’s pauses looking me still with a smile. “Times have been rough sugar, it’s just the way we are and if you want to stay alive you must follow our ways.’’ She advises me.

“Johnny likes you, and I do too, but my pa’ is coming back today. And he's the one in charge." She continues. “We’ve never left one of the victims alive, so you're pretty special, but ya’ need to prove yourself. Can ya’ do that for me, sugar?” She steps away, waiting for my reaction. I nod my head, looking at her. She grins warmly, “For now, we get to the chores. Our first job of the day is breakfast. We’re making pancakes, and then we'll tend to the greenhouse. We’ve got plenty of strawberries to pick as they're in season.”

We returned to the kitchen, and thanks to Sissy, I felt much better. In contrast to Johnny, who is quite intense. Her relaxing demeanour eases my anxiety. She asks me to set up the table, wash and cut up the strawberries, and put them in a bowl while she flips the pancakes. This family seems to function normally despite the horrendous things that happened to my friends. Sissy breaks those thoughts ringing a loud bell as she placed the cooked pancakes on the plates, suggesting it was time to eat.

I placed the bowl of strawberries in the centre of the table. I also set down glasses while gets the water jug from the fridge. She motions for me to take a seat at the end, next to her. She departs, claiming that she has to feed Grandpa. How big is this family? The others appear as I sit waiting. First to arrive is Johnny, who is shirtless and carrying his top over his shoulders. The Texas heat has left sweat dripping over his muscles. I squeezed my thighs at the sight of him. He takes a seat at the end, facing me.

After him another man and Bubba arrive sitting down. The new man notices me arose the table. He’s is a lanky man with a scar or birthmark? Running down his face, much larger then Johnny’s. “Whose this?’’ He questions with a slight a speech impediment. “This is Y/N she’s our new house maid’’ Johnny answers him amused. “Maid? We can’t afford a maid.” He argues with Johnny, who just rolls his eyes. “Don’t worry bout’ it Nubbins; she’s just gonna help with chores, less work for us.’’ Nubbin’s perks up at the thought of doing less chores, he looks me up and down squinting. “You like pictures?’’ He asks me giving me a broad smile; a little creeped out I just nod my head. “Enough chatter; let’s dig in before breakfast gets cold.’’ Sissy says walking back in taking a seat next to me. Breakfast was actually really good, I gotta give props to Sissy, she can cook.

I helped Sissy clean up after everyone was finished. As the men went back to their activities. I decided to ask Sissy some questions. “How big is your family?” I ask. She washed the dishes as I dried. “Not too big but perfect, there is Grandpa; he taught us everything there is to know about killin’. Johnny is the youngest and my cousin; his mother', Nancy, is my aunt; and the other boys are my uncles. Pa is currently out of town for a chilli festival, but he should be back tonight.’’ She speaks with such pride and love for her family. It’s honestly really touching, even if they are all crazy. “Okay, yeah, now I understand.” I tell her. She’s smiles. “Do you have any family?” I shake my head. “Not much; I've got no siblings or cousins; my parents are out of state. So it's just been me for a long time.” She hugs me, feeling sympathy for me even though I don't mind having less family. “Don’t worry, sugar, I have a feeling you're going to fit right in with my family.” I feel conflicted at her words. 

In the kitchen, we wrapped things up. “The greenhouse is our next task.” Sissy leads me to the backyard greenhouse. It has tomatoes strawberries, onions, and carrots. She shows me how to care for each plant, grabbing the vegetables and placing them in a basket. She even shows me her special herbs in the back that she is cultivating and drying. She has one I easily recognise, marijuana. She covers her mouth with a finger as I gawk at her in disbelief. It seems nobody has any idea what it is. “I learnt how to grow it when I was in California.” She clarifies for me.

‘’The boys have all their own little enjoyments, but this is mine; I'll let you try some later.” She tells me with a wink. “That sounds amazing.” I told her, grinning. We chat more as we work. After learning about each other, it seems she’s really happy to have a girl her age to talk to. She mentions her beautiful ‘sisters’ from her California family and how much she misses them. She said I reminded her of them. She also talks about her old sweetheart, Charlie, and how she would do anything to see him again. I'm a little gobsmacked to find that she was part of the Manson cult. I recall reading about his arrest after the murder of that actress. I don’t think she took a part of that, but she ran back here after he got arrested. “I felt bad when I came home. Johnny’s mother’ still isn’t happy with me. She thinks I’m ungrateful, but I love this family—probably more than her. I just wanted to get away, to find myself, ya’ know?’’ She rants at me. “I understand, Sissy, you wanted an escape, an adventure.” She has a sweet smile while clipping away at the plants. “Yeah, an adventure.” She agrees. 

“I must admit that I was surprised when Johnny decided to keep you alive; he's never kept anyone alive for this long. And if he does, he keeps them in the basement and never upstairs.” She comes to a halt and looks me in the eyes. “I now understand why,” She grabs my hand and her basket of vegetables and hurries me back to the kitchen before I can answer. “We need to start fixing lunch and dinner right away.”

I'm left in the kitchen while Sissy goes down to the basement to get more 'ingredients,' as she tried to put it kindly, since I now know the source. But as I start to peel the carrots, Johnny wanders in, still shirtless. He stops and examines me, now noticing my new hairstyle. “To my room.” That's all he says to me as he walks away. Geez, he makes me feel anxious. I set the carrot and peeler down and headed to Johnny's room, not sure what to expect.

[icarusredwings]

Partically inspired by @giddyaunt425

Went to the pool today and had some thoughts (because I can't escape the brain rot sooo)

What I think everyone would be doing at the

☆Incarnation and Co Pool Party☆

For regulation reasons, only those who are available are attending, including all of the past incarnations due to some sort of freak accident at UNIT that im too lazy to think of right now.

(Feel free to add what else you think these lunatics would be doing! Use the tag #Incarnation pool party)

1 is laying under an umbrella half asleep and complaining that he's going to get a sunburn if he falls asleep.

('But if Susan was here, she wouldn't let me get burnt')

2 has been given a beach ball and is honestly just happy to be playing in the water. He told 1 that he would keep an eye on him, but let's be honest - he already forgot.

(And he missed Jamie. He probably would have mentioned Atlantis.)

3 and Delgado! Master are over in the sand pit, bickering on how their sand castle should look.

(3 says it shouldn't have that many windows, Delgado disagrees, making more windows and claiming that they need the natural lighting.)

4 is in nothing but his scarf and his trunks taking a nap on one of the sun bathing chairs.

(This is probably the best sleep he's had in a long time, but... He pprroobbaallyy has a sunburn now. This is what 1 was worried about.)

So is Yana!Master, who was lucky enough to be prudish enough to only show his forearms and shins, which are now also burnt.

(Despite Donna's constant shouting about sunscreen and how 'You blokes are too pale to be out here with nothin' but your longjohns!' But he is still infact the Master. Which means, of course, denying authority)

5 is in the field portion trying to teach Dhawan! Master, Dan, and Martha how to play cricket. (but is getting visibly frustrated. Seriously- who signed him up to babysit?)

Tegan is watching 5 trying to understand Dhawan's nonsense from the sidelines, smirking.

(She signed him up to babysit)

6 has the most ridiculous looking one piece known to man, sitting on the edge of the pool at the deep end.

(He's kicking his legs in the water and cheekily splashing 7 and Mel)

Mel is on 7s arm in a frilly two-piece, giggling at the fact 7 refuses to take off his hat despite the water being up to his chest.

(He's asking Ace not to drown him, Ace responds, 'No promises, professor' and proceeds to dunk him, which gets them the whistle for roughhousing. His hat is now soaked.)

Graham is talking about processing grief with 9. (The name Grace has come up at least 30 times already.)

9 seems weary of the water. (Sometime later, he's found hugging 10 and telling him about the beach they took Rose to.)

8 is on the other side of the pool, slathered in SPF 80° with a book and regretting his seating choices. He's trying his darndest to ignore his neighbors.

(While also evesdroping each time he hears the name 'Grace')

His neighbor in question is Donna, who is already four margaritas in and keeps shouting at various things at people over the very loud party music that's playing from under her chair's radio.

(Sometimes threatening to drown a specific someone if they didn't stop terrorizing Ainley!Master, who kept hissing for getting purposly splashed)

From 'Do a flip!' Towards Simm!Master, who keeps hogging the diving board, demanding that 10 watch every single jump and challenging him to make bigger splashes than him.

(Donna told Simm that 10 needs babysat and 15 told 10 that Simm needs babysat so now they are both simultaneously babysitting each other)

To 'WOOO! Get'em!' At the game of Chicken going on between a team of 11 and 13 VS 12 and Missy.

12 is complaining that Missy is heavy and Missy accuses him of insinuating something, which in turn leads to 13 insulting 12.

(That he was 'just weak and couldn't afford the upgrade because she can carry 11 just fine'.)

14 is next to her and can't stop laughing at her shenanigans. Sometimes, he tries apologizing to 8 and Roberts! Master (who keeps covering his ears from such loud music and shouting) but, unfortunately, is SEVEN margaritas in.

(So was otherwise just as- if not more- noisy and is now attempting to dance)

S10 Saxon!Master has rolled his eyes at least a billion times by now at the others' antics (smirking at the sight of their hiddeous dancing) and keeps finishing off 14s half drank margaritas.

(You would need a drink too if you had to deal with all this bullshit)

All the way across the pool, Ruby and Yaz are gossiping about their time with the Doctor and their past incarnations. (They're heavily trying to figure out what the Masters deal is too, Seriously- why are some of them chill, some creepy, some insane and some flat out an ass? They had a list as follows;

The sensitive master: Chill + Creepy

The girl master: Chill + Insane

The grandpa master: Chill + Chill

The bitchy master: Ass + Ass

13s master: Creepy + Insane

The master with rabies: Insane + insane

The one master who apprently knows a lot about sand castles: Chill + Ass

The master that kept hissing when you splash water on him: Creepy + Ass)

15 is sat on a life gaurd tower, whistle around his neck, sonic in hand and in an orange speedo, watching everyone like a hawk so that his past selves can heal and enjoy themselves.

(Oh, and did I mention Donna confiscated everyone's Sonic's/Lazers except for 15s?)

[runningfrom2am]

sejanus and coryo not understanding what r is saying when she is quoting a line has got to be one of my favourite things.

“Oh, only being able to hold you without retraumatizing you.” sir-

i love how no matter how much changes in the story, coryo’s hatred towards birds STAY. the boy hates them more than everything.

lennox is making some points with that guilt and love one. being smart is genetic it seems.

you know what? i agree with sejanus so much on the arena part.

i desperately needed someone to tell them what she did in the arena and i’m glad it was sejanus, out of the three who know it. the fact that neither lucy gray nor lennox will be able to process this information as truly real because r, really? oh, how devastating. girlie had convinced herself that [salt->???->staying alive]

“All you did by surviving was make everything weird.” me, one day, probably.

the real comedy is coryo not understanding the joke. also, beatrice the queen <3

she closed her book! she put her book into her bag! she wouldn’t have done that had she not been keen on talking with him. she hadn’t when he first came. 🥹

the fact that she was about to die thinking she was in love while hardly knowing him and now that she is alive, she is living the “what could have been”.

i’m 99% sure that lennox has a calendar where he circled the day coryo will leave, hopefully, with a red marker.

“Watching his eyes- but nothing changes. Baby blue. Worry. More worry.” all i will say is that, this is emotional 🥲

bro i just edited part twenty and it’s over 6k words so get ready hahahah. anyway, let’s dive into this for now!!

1. no me too hahah it’s so funny and coryo tries so hard but sejanus is just always so normal and honest about not really understanding. like at the very beginning when he was like “i thought we were supposed to be mentoring you”, but coryo has always seen her as some kind of walking poem. sejanus loves her honestly, coryo has put her on a pedestal. (not that it’s a bad thing or that he doesn’t love her honestly but he doesn’t try really hard to make her feel understood and she doesn’t even mind)

2. oh my god yeah the DRAMA going on in this man’s head 24/7 hahaha

3. yeah there’s no way that would ever change. (and that makes me believe that tybs will really grow on him lol)

4. we’ve BEEN SAYING THIS like lennox just gets it

5. like,, no one ever thought to ask sejanus what he thought? he was the only other person there! smh

6. literally like they needed to know. she tried to tell lucy gray, but she made the active choice to not tell lennox, even though she doesn’t know the extent of what she had done. (well, she does, she just can’t admit it yet)

7. me now honestly

8. beatrice is such a girlboss i literally love her sm

9. coryo didn’t even have TIME to process the significance of that, he was so focused on keeping her attention 🥹 and bless her HEART she is trying so so hard

10. omg yeah and she totally knows that too 🥹 she’s been comparing them to that story from the very beginning, she doesn’t even know what to do now that she’s seeing the other side. (but also, it’s extremely tragic in a different way, seeing as now she can hardly be around him without shutting down when she wants to be with him so bad)

11. HAHAHA IM SO SURE HE DOES. he is counting down the DAYS

12. as per usual lucy gray was 100% correct and his haircut has made all the difference. she knows her bestie so well

[devilsainz]

First, Thank you @watercolor-hearts for tagging me! when i saw it i knew it wouldnt be an easy task (mostly because i love to talk a lot lmao) but i liked the concept and felt that it would be interesting way to dive more into the ships i am fond of.

Pairing/Shippy list!

Here are the rules:

1. List your top seven ships.

2. Put them all in order for your love for them; 7 to 1, 1 being your favourite.

3. Name the fandom.

4. Put a picture of the guys in question.

-

7. Ziam (Zayn/Liam Payne) (One Direction)

weird way to start this list, since its not f1 related, and i very much believe it's a dead ship now. But honestly they deserve this honorable mention for being the first ship i adopted, and i didnt even care about One Direction or their music around that time (in fact i cant remember even how i stumbled upon this ship lmao). These two together just had so much chemistry for me, either on stage, interviews, or anything really. also they were my introduction to this whole idea of "ship" (Larry was the absolute more popular one obviously, but it was Ziam that really SUCKED me in like a vacuum cleaner). Unfortunately, Liam's distasteful comments last year bursted my bubble about them (even though he has explained this year he wasn't in a good place, and i personally think they are okay with each other, even though still distant), but i still like to watch their compilation videos on youtube sometimes, it's quite bittersweet :')

6. Martian (Sebastian Vettel/Mark Webber) (Formula 1)

honestly i feel i just dont put these two higher because they feel somewhat new to me, like i need to dive into them more. I just think its such a fun ship in the sense that it has a looot of things going on at the same time, their very public rivalry and the famous multi 21, mark's angry face at that one press conference, it could be so so angsty but they just make me laugh (also, the making love on track quote is now burned into my brain so in no way they could be out of this list).

5. Christian horner/Toto wolff (Formula 1)

okay okay this is the part yall realize im actually crazy. but... they DO have chemistry when they are interacting, even in their non-amicable moments, and i do love myself some good enemies to lovers. Obviously it helps that i think they both are very actrattive, sexy middle aged men that have hunger for victory and i believe they hold so much respect and admiration for each other, considering they are the two most sucessfull TP's at this point. Also, HEIGHT DIFFERENCE.

4. Versainz (Max Verstappen/Carlos Sainz) (Formula 1)

(i wanted to find that ONE gif where he lifts carlos a little so bad but this one will do) Oh, this one really rocketed fast into my favorites. I just think they are just so wholesome. I always feel Max is warmer towards a certain number of drivers, and Carlos is one of them. And i dont even ship them in a ... kind of way, even tho it makes sense in my head the narrative that both were each others "first's" before going into bigger ships. Its just that it feels so special that both debuted together as teammates and, both took different trajectories in the way their career planned out, but theres still a genuine connection between them, at least in my view.

3. Maxiel (Max Verstappen/Daniel Ricciardo) (Formula 1)

I know its weird because i dont really post about them. But this falls into the same category as versainz for me, except that here there's a kind of dynamic that it makes me go "hmm... interesting". I always like to see max smiling and being happy because this boy went thru so much in his childhood, and oh how Daniel knows how to bring this side of Max. If Max can be warmer to certain drivers, for Daniel he has a whole SOFT SPOT, and i think that's very endearing. IMO, Daniel feels like the person that changed him in deeper ways we know, that one person that was indirectly a "life teacher" to him maybe, and thats special to me.

2. Brocedes (Lewis Hamilton/Nico Rosberg) (Formula 1)

Oh, the ANGSTY in this one. yes, this one deserves the ANGSTY in all caps because to me that's them. Oh to have lived through their divorce must have been heartbreaking but what a freaking cinematic ship this one is. I just can't ignore it. How it feels to me that Nico is the one who wears his heart on his sleeve, while Lewis has that chilling Capricorn control over his emotions is so. just so. And the fact that Nico's legacy is forever entangled in Lewis' name. If a movie screenwriter would come up with this, i'd think it would be overdramatic, but no, theyre actually this unhinged.

Charlos (Charles Leclerc/Carlos Sainz) (Formula 1)

how do i even start talking about these two idiots? Okay, so obviously i think they're both very attractive and that definetely helped me to ship them lmao. But thats kind of reductive, because these two have sooo much chemistry in my opinion, even before their ferrari days, there was so much potential waiting to bloom, and it did. I love their banter, their competitiveness, how they can get childlike around each other sometimes. How they are so physical, how they make each other laugh (let me not talk about their gazes to each other or i will not end this today). I love how Carlos doesn't hide he wants to compete with Charles (which brings him unnecessary hate sadly), and how both respect each other in this stance. There's a bit of angsty underneath this soft/fluffy surface too (more from Carlos' perspective imo - but lets not forget Charles and Silverstone 2022 too - this is my charlos angsty origin story), but they still find their way, and that kind of compels me even more into them. I just think theres so many layers, multitudes, in the way we can create, write and read about them. Absolute favorites.

-

Tagging @schumiatspa and @sainzjpeg 😊

obviously, feel free to ignore if you dont want to play, no hard feelings around here ❤, and also 7 ships are quite a work! if you're not tagged but want to make your list, feel free to do it and consider yourself tagged by me 😘

[ragzonacamrencruise]

hiii ex-camren shipper, but i still believe tbh. i listened to a couple songs off mila's new album (B.O.A.T and june gloom) both are kinda obvious camren songs to me. a decade long situationship is insane honestly, but they are both lover girls so i see them doing this. i think they've outgrown each other, but what they had was very formative and impactful so they aren't entirely sure how to let go. this is atleast my take on what camila wrote in these songs, being the most lyrically interesting ones off the album.

hello anon!

tbh, those two songs are the ones which DO have meaningful lyrics. at least that's what i think. idk abt others.

after listening to her first 3 albums (4, if you consider the cinderella one an album), this one's all over the place. i get that she's experimenting with new things and that's great. production wise, i'd say there're a lotta sounds that could've been included and a lotta sounds that coulda been eliminated.

coming to the lyrical part, we all know mila's a lyrical genius. she's literally the one who wrote, "see me like breath in the cold" and "i wanna dive in, what a divine moment". but this is not the same person, cuz, "im a dog, woof woof" ain't doing it for me.

"you'd never give me peace of mind, so i had to give it to myself" is not the same as "loving you was sunshine, safe and sound, a steady place to let down my defenses. but loving you had consequences"

i feel like mila's still in the denial stage, cuz denial makes u do crazy stuff. a friend of mine was in denial of her father's death due to alcoholism and she was straight up blaming witchcraft.

deep down i know that they're not together anymore. but that doesn't mean that i can't hope anymore. they're the one thing that made me anchor myself during my darkest days and i'll never let them go. mila can experiment all she wants but i know there's still the lyrical genius, emotionally fuked up mila hiding somewhere deep down.

i can only hope she'll be able to bring that side out of her. and yes anon, their relationship was very impactful. i mean, mila couldn't help but write 2 full albums and dedicate it to L. it's uncanny how much she couldn't get L out of her system. it's exactly how our mother taylor swift says, sometimes you can't help but write 2 whole albums about one person and sometimes, even if you've spent years with them, you won't even write a sentence about another.

it's just how creativity works.

but who knows?? maybe we're all wrong and maybe they both are well and truly over each other. i mean, we're talking abt stuff that happened when they were 16yrs old to 20yrs old. i'm not even the same person i was an year ago.

change is to be expected. i, specifically, am unable to digest this drastic change in mila cuz, well, i simply cannot bear to watch my baby mila grow up. i mean . . . she's cursing in songs more often now? my baby mila would never do that. but she's not a baby anymore and that's what angers (read as: saddens) me the most.

i'm just hoping for something just a little bit better, at this point, so that my heart gets consolation with a glimpse of that little part of mila who wrote 2 full masterpieces.

[princedetectives]

P4G Persona Mythos

DISCLAIMER: i started writing this post forever ago and kinda abandoned it halfway through, but i figured i'd post what i did write. so enjoy this unfinished summary!

hi! i'm doing a small dive on the stories all the party members' personas in persona 4 golden; most of them are based on japanese mythology; i'm reading Medea, which reminds me of chidori p3 and peaked my interest in this kind of stuff drastically. because these figures were chosen for each character for a reason! they all link back in different ways.

this will not be extremely detailed. just a bunch of surface-level facts im putting together for fun, and trimming a lot that isnt as related to the characters. look into it if youre interested!! i also highly recommend Hiding in Private's detailed analysis that i actually haven't watched yet but the rest of their p4 content is good so i definitely plan on it

each of the big 3 persona games have an overarching theme to their main characters' initial personas; p3 is greek mythology, p4 is japanese mythology, and p5 is popular historical/fictional figures (usually thieves).

as a rule of thumb, the name suffix no-okami means Great God. it'll pop up a few times! as another rule of thumb, a character's first persona will typically be a less important figure, awakening into one better-known.

since a lot of these myths are linked, sometimes other characters' personas pop up in relation to another! as such, i'll color code these names when this happens.

yosuke - chie - yukiko - naoto - [protag]

Yu Narukami (Protagonist)

Izanagi (Initial) - izanagi is an extremely important figure in japanese mythology, being its creator figure. he and izanami (yes that one!) married. in some sources it's said that they raise the japanese islands from the sea and in others it's said izanami gave birth to them. either way, they brought life to earth, having many diety children. one of their children, the flame god, kills izanami and sends izanagi into despair.

to bring her back, he goes into the land of the dead. he finds her and izanami makes him promise not to look at her, concealing herself in darkness. she explains that she cannot return; annoyed, izanagi breaks the promise and lights a fire (some sources say that his comb is lit here - you may remember a bamboo comb if you ever did marie's social link. yes, this is what it refers to!) and finds the truth. izanami is nothing but a rotting corpse. we see this reflected in the phases of her boss fight in-game.

enraged, izanami chases him off. in other sources, this is where he uses his comb; he turns it into grapes and bamboo shoots that his pursuers eat. he locks her in the underworld, knowing she'd destroy the world if let free. here, izanami curses him, promising to kill a 1,000 people each day; izanagi shoots back by promising 1,500 people would be born each day. she becomes Yomotsugami, the goddess of Yomi (this land of the dead).

to cleanse himself from his visit, he bathes; as he does so, very important deities are born, called the Three Precious Children. these are Amaterasu from his left eye and Susano-o from his nose. (Tsukuyomi is also born from his right eye but he holds no relevance to persona.) the world is split between them, each child given the heavens, the seas, and the night respectively. in other versions, the three of them are born when izanagi looks into a bronze mirror; Amaterasu from the mirror in his right hand, Tsukoyomi from the mirror in his left, and Susano-o when he tilts his head to the side. for convenience's sake i'll only refer to the first, more popular explanation.

this will probably be the longest description in this post (i hope). he is just that important to the mythology. very fitting for the protagonist! and it puts a whole new light to the final boss fight.

Izanagi-no-Mikoto (Ultimate) - another way to refer to izanagi, with more respect. not much to say about this one.

Yosuke Hanamura

Jiraiya (Initial) - protagonist of a japanese folk tale. it's a ten-book series so i won't go too far into detail here; you can read the whole plot summary on its wikipedia page. very basically, he's a cunning samurai and bandit that manages to achieve great feats like escaping from jail, assisting revenge plots, and killing a giant snake.

jiraiya befriends the immortal Toad Ascetic (which is probably where the theming of his shadow boss originates!) thanks to its admiration of jiraiya's loyalty, despite his history as a criminal.

Susano-o (Awakened) - the powerful diety of storms, seas, harvest, and love, and one of the Three Precious Children, son of [Izanagi] and younger brother of Amaterasu, born when the former washed his nose. his name literally translating to Impetuous Male, he was appointed to rule the seas and was promptly banished from the heavens by [Izanagi] because he just would not stop whining about how much he missed his mother* and did not do his job, causing the waters to dry up. personally, i draw a link to yosuke here based on his moving to inaba.

*(i honestly can't figure out who she is? izanami didn't help with the Three Precious Children, idk. in some versions of the story she did, so it's most likely her.)

before he left the heavens, he went to wish his sister farewell. untrusting of him, she dresses as a man in armor to see him, and he challenges her to prove his trustworthiness. they both create dieties by chewing up and spitting out an items the other possesses; Amaterasu creates three, and Susano-o creates five. Amaterasu, though, argues that since it was her item he used, the five deities were hers, dubbing herself the victor. enraged by this, Susano-o throws a fit, destroying her fields, flaying a heavenly horse, and killing a weaving maiden. this causes him to be banished again while a distraught Amaterasu hides away, coating the world in darkness temporarily.

now actually banished from the heavens, he finds an elderly couple that tells him their woes about how seven out of eight of their kids had been eaten by the serpent Yamata no Orochi (a persona in the games, by the way! you may remember it as a miniboss in p5's ship palace) and he agrees to help out, but only if he can marry their last daughter, Kushinadahime. he succeeds, slaying it by turning kushinadahime into a comb to protect her and getting yamato no orochi drunk. from its corpse, he uncovered the powerful sword Kusanagi-no-Tsurugi, which is eventually passed down to Yamato Takeru.

there is much much more about him, he's very important, but i'd like to keep this from being a complete essay if possible - read more if youre interested!

Takehaya Susano-o (Ultimate) - another name for Susano-o. not much to say here!

Chie Satonaka

Tomoe (Initial) - most likely based on Tomoe Gonzen (wherein Gonzen is an honorific), a samurai in japanese history, esteemed for winning many battles, being very skilled with many weapons and horses, beheading several. she once led 300 warriors against an enemy's 2,000 and came out victorious. her gender increased fear of her, most fleeing to avoid the humiliation of being defeated by a woman.

most actual facts about her are unknown. as such, she's more of a legendary figure than a historical one.

Suzuka Gongen (Awakened) - another figure in folklore with many unknown traits, suzuka gongen is presented as many things, including a thief, a divine being, or an oni. i, um. expected to write more here but there genuinely isn't much information about her. chie's personas are the mysterious type, i guess? if anyone can find information about her please let me know i'm so interested

Haraedo-no-Okami (Ultimate) - same case as above. from what i can tell, this term refers to many gods, the Three Precious Children specifically (Susano-o, Amaterasu). a harae is a ritual of purification, and a haraedo is where those take place. chie seems to be a weird case just in general.

Naoto Shirogane

Sukuna-Hikona (Initial) - a diety of healing, sake, magic, etc. he's notable for being so small he fell out of his mothers fingers. so probably a few inches. (which is pretty fitting LOL) it's often not believed that he is such an important diety because of how small he is. also notable for being said to create cures to a lot of illnesses despite the fact naoto learns no healing spells. he's often paired with the diety Ōkuninushi, who is also a persona but never relevant in-game.

Yamato-Takeru (Awakened) - a japanese legendary prince(!) who killed his twin brother and was exiled by his father, the king, out of fear. he went to his aunt for help; she is Yamatohime-no-Mikoto, priestess of Amaterasu, and she lent him a holy sword which Susano-o won in battle, which helped him in many sticky situations - it could control the wind. one of his battles was won by cross-dressing as a maid (you can see how this links back). he died thanks to hubris, not taking his sword with him into battle, and it is said his soul turned into a white bird/plover and flew away/disappeared. this, along with his ability to control wind, might be the reason he's depicted as flying in Persona. read more

(completely unrelated, but i think it's a very neat coincidence that yamato-takeru's persona design is remniscent of akechi's phantom thief outfit. i like to think this is intentional)

Yamato Sumeragi (Ultimate) - this isn't actually an individual diety. sumeragi is a epithet indicating royalty. so, this basically means "the royal yamato". fitting!

--- OTHERS

under the cut, i'll continue this post for non-party members, with a LOT of endgame spoilers, including golden content, and a spoiler for persona 4 arena. beware!

Marie

Kusumi-no-Okami (True Identity) - honestly? researching this one really stumped me. there's no english-translated direct link to kusumi-no-okami. (which was kinda annoying, because for literally every single other god there was. consistency, persona 4, please!!) maybe it was just translated differently; her untranslated name is 熊野久須毘命, which does directly correlate:

kusumi-no-okami is almost definitely based on the god kumano-kusubi. kumano-kusubi was born from the diety-creating contest Susano-o and Amaterasu had, the latter creating him. other than that, there isn't much info on him that i can find. it's a bit unsatisfying of a link, being so minor and male (which is strange - the genders typically line up), but there's nobody else it could be. i considered the god Kushinadahime, Susano-o's wife, but the only link there is the fact that she's turned into a comb, which is already linked to [Izanagi's] comb, so it doesn't make much sense. oh well!

this is another design i love, by the way. it feels directly linked to izanami, and by extension, [Izanagi]. i want to take a second to appreciate all three, their shared motifs showing they're clearly linked. in this case, specifically with izanami's boss forms, because WOW, they share a LOT. the transition from white robes hiding red (izanami phase 1 -> phase 2, marie pre-fight -> kusumi-no-okami), the cross hanging below the waist, to name a couple examples. it's so cool!! these are some of my favorite designs in the game.

but to conclude: she isn't as directly linked to the mythos like the others. what's really important is that bamboo comb, and the in-game explanation of her being a part of izanami.

speaking of...

Izanami

i already explained her main story during the [Izanagi] section, so i'll try to keep this short (and probably fail - she's very important.)

her palace in-game, Yomotsu Hirasaka, is the stretch directly between the land of the dead (Yomi) and the living world in japanese mythology. this fits her, considering it's where [Izanagi] imprisoned her and where she became the goddess of the land of the dead.

"General Teddie" (P4A)

Hinokagatsuchi (True Identity) - i have not played any of the P4 spinoffs so this will definitely be brief, but i discovered it while looking into Izanami and thought it was extremely cool. hinokagatsuchi is the flame god son of izanami that killed her by burning her, throwing her and [Izanagi's] whole "divorce" into motion. [Izanagi] responded by immediately cutting his body into 8 pieces out of grief, becoming 8 volcanoes. his birth marked the beginning of death. briefly scanning his SMT wiki page, it looks like his goal is to end the world or something, which fits. IDK it's up to you here to link him to the game LOL

[pretty-chaotic-world]

if my BPD can scream

1. I wish i could have a normal love... but no, my brain wants to worship every little detail of you until it drives me insane

2. sorry i pushed you away i felt abandoned and suicidal 

3. I’m sick of going to bed and knowing things won’t be better tomorrow 

4. I'll ask you thousands times if you really love, please don't get annoyed

5. I'll create "drama" and mishaps only to feel like I'm in home

6. i’m afraid that one day my anger will overshadow the little love i still have left for the world

7. I feel numb. No tears, no anger, nothing. Just going through the same day again and again. I would rather just sleep without waking up.

8. I'm so tired of everytime one small argument or inconvenience breaks out I want to end it and self destruct, it's so draining. 

9. I want to stop feeling anything and when i actually don't it breaks my heart but I can't cry it out.

10. "its all in your head" well duh where tf else is it gonna be??? in my fucking kidneys????

11. I am constantly between wanting people to care about me and wanting them not to so I can hurt myself without feeling guilty 

12. Psychiatrist told me there is no cure for bpd and I've to change myself. Well why cant they just let me die then?

13. Until you live with bpd you'll never know what it's like to be too much and not enough at the same time.

14. i know im constantly too much for everyone but sometimes i just want to be enough for someone

15. if he will leave me, my next diagnosis will be of "sociopath"

16. im so jealous of all the people who see him and touch him and talk to him every single day it should be me me me me 

17. oh I got my hair coloured. why? because I can't hurt myself anymore 

18. "you're so distant" because you can't handle my abandonment issues.

19. My younger self disappoint me a lot. like why were you begging people to stay in your life? ohh no worries I know the answer

20. I wanna throw a plate against the wall, stab a knife through my hand, destroy my laptop with a hammer, smash my door in with an axe and spray graffiti all over the walls of my room 

21. Why shouldn’t I be mad? Why can’t I just be angry and be allowed to feel it? Why can’t I burn everything down?

22. I have to watch my mouth every fucking second to make sure I don't destroy every relation I have coz apparently social life matters!!

23. Isnt it fucked up how he got away with every horrible thing he made me experience and I’m the one who has to live with myself feeling absolutely fucking worthless 

24. I don't deserve food and love. im a horrible person.

25. this is how my eating cycle goes

feeling weak coz i haven't ate anything -> eat -> purge -> feeling guilty after purging -> eat more -> feeling guilty after eating so much -> cry coz you don't know what's happening

26. the diagnosis makes me believe I'm not insane just lil emo ig!! NOOOO YOU'RE INSANE

27. “don’t let it bother u” baby i’m gonna be bothered by this for the next 10 years 

28. if I tell you I love you its equivalent to I can kill someone for you

29. Actually upon further inspection that shit really hurt my feelings 

30. I don't dive into insecurity anymore, i drown in self-loathe

31. i shut up in between group convo coz I know I'll talk invaluable shit and nobody really cares what I say until it's psychology class

32. "if you are fully aware of yourself, why do you keep acting like that?" slapping self awareness on top of bpd only grants the ability to watch yourself self-destruct straight from the vip section thats all it does literally

33. “Where do you see yourself in the future” building a cult for mentally ill people 

34. ofc I've a praise kind i was ignored as a child

35. I'm much better than I was before. you know why coz I don't to air now and don't see monsters walking by side all the time

36. No I don't want to self harm anymore I need to kill that fucking monster

37. Don't mind me, I'm just casually sabotaging all my positive relationships with negative delusions because my life doesn't feel real unless something dramatic and destructive is constantly occurring 

38. i don’t care i don’t care i don’t care (im going to sob my fucking eyes out)

39. “Stop making your disorder your personality” I have a fucking personality disorder for god sake

40. turning my mental illnesses into kinks and calling it the BDSM-5 

41. "destroy something precious while you're in rage" ohh yeaa and then I'll do that again and again 

42. what I hate most about my BPD is the fact that I have started doubting every emotion that I’ve ever felt in my life, whether it’s love, my grief through multiple traumas, or my anger, & it’s so saddening. It has actually led me to start questioning my reality.

43. if I need medication to stay alive, am I really meant to be here?

44. it's either be alone without 75% of my symptoms, or be with someone and display the most horrendous unstable awful version of myself. why do i have to choose between love & happiness or peace & stability?

45. That fucking bpd rage where everyone's voices makes you want to scream and every noise around you makes you want to sh and you're so mad you can almost feel the cuts everywhere 

46. getting worked up to the point of becoming physically ill (throwing up/stomach issues etc) because you felt rejected/abandoned by your favourite person  

47. i wish my trauma made me kind as everyone says but i’m becoming what i fear the most- a monster.

48. imagine getting diagnosed with a personality disorder and the only visible representation of that disorder is an animated horse man, a sociopathic sitcom character from philadelphia, and darth vader

[persimminwrites]

HELLO HELLO you are right the venn diagram of arcane enjoyer and alnst fan is a circle

anyway. how we feeling after round 7(it was over a month ago but i am still reeling)

OMG HELLLOOOOO HIIIIII

i am feeling so very many emotions oh my gOD i just learned about alnst yesterday and now it has truly taken over my entire brain like AHHHHH I've already rewatched all of the videos 4 times ajsjsjs!!!! and round 7..... round 7 i -

i will put the rest of my thoughts below since it's a lot !!!!!!

im just going to make a list lmaoooo

TILLLLL AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOO TILLLLLLL AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH <- really no words can describe my agony rn. the way that he died in mizi's lap smiling and the cut between him looking down at a smiling mizi to him looking up at a crying mizi HOW FUCKIN DARE U VIVINOS !!!!!!!

ive only read back ~7 months of community posts on vivinos channel so i feel like im still learning about the lore of the show but from what ive gathered luka has already won alien stage once. so do contestants just compete infinitely? or could a winner "retire"? im so curious about why he re-entered unless he had no other choice

speaking of luka, on the edge of my seat about him facing hyuna at the end and them just staring at each other. again i don't know if i have the entire timeline straight in my head but i know the accident with hyuna's brother happened while she was still in the garden with luka. did she leave immediately after? is this really the first time they're seeing each other since. i wonder how much of luka's actions are just motivated by pure survival or if he's trying to find a way to see hyuna again? his face was so devoid of expression in his shock seeing her which i think is so interesting since most of the time he's on screen he has some emotion "pasted on" for show so i thought it was so impactful when his expression was "blank" when he was probably faced with a tidal wave of emotions at seeing her again

hyuna and mizi.... my queens.... what is to become of you...... WHY ARE YOU SPECIAL GUESTS

also the heist? operation? what info were they getting? maybe contestant locations? a database of the human "pets" locations??? what was the point. and why did it need to happen during the final round. also why did hyuna try to stop mizi from leaving initially? is it because she was hurt I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS

ivan..... seeing you as a twisted memory in luka's face..... AAWHHHHHHHHGGHHHHHHHGGHH stab me in the fucking heart :'((((((

also my personal theory is that the huge screens with ivan on them weren't literally there but more a representation of how ivan's actions and his presence are looming over till. till was still reeling from what happened with mizi in round 6 (which btw most devastating thing that has ever happened to me is watching that video wtf) and then ivan who has been a constant by his side and someone whose actions seem to be endlessly confusing and incomprehensible to till (that's based on my interpretation of what ive seen and read) goes and does THAT in this essay i will -

in conclusion i am in pain and i am nowhere near gathering all of my thoughts on this. i am diving headfirst into fics for comfort and i have a need, an itch, to write something from ivan's perspective from the beginning through round 6 I'm really obsessed with him and his dynamic with sua, mizi and till LIKE AAHHHHHHHHHH

now i get to join everyone in the torment of waiting for what comes next and im so so SO very excited to see what's going to happen !!!!!!!