#im very angry at the moment
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so to run down my may:
i caught the flu* and spent like 6 days being very sick
i had such an emotionally heart wrenching dnd session, while i was on the tail end of my flu, that i literally threw up about it
after getting fucked around by technical issues, i got assigned to fucking abysmal group for an assignment
said group have done sweet fuck all in the 1.5 weeks i have been in this group, while i have done an entire** figma prototype based on someone elses previous assessment AND done user testing
arranged to meet up with a group member during class, which he ended up not attending, and when i got kicked out of the room by the next class and went to use the restroom, he called me twice via teams because he couldnt fucking wait 5 minutes after making me wait 2 hrs
caught the flu* a second time
had a task submission declined for a missed step after the submission deadline, resulting in my resubmission being marked as 'time exceeded' despite having submitted the task A MONTH AGO initially
had another task submission declined because i needed to take into account written feedback, which i have not recieved
had my period arrive several days early and without any of my usually pretty consistent tells
my group assignment is due this friday and im the only one who has done anything substantive
im going. a little insane.
#emetophobia /#im going to explode#i have a teams call with my group in like half an hour and i bet only the one guy will show up and be useless anyway#ITS DUE ON FRIDAY. IM THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS DONE SHIT FUCK#i know kids have other assignments but youre fucking joking#i say kids. mans my age. idk about the other guy#*i do not know if it is the flu. doesnt really matter. theyre been fucking abysmal to experience#**entire is generous but im doing it entirely on my own with absolutely no fucking input so ? eat my ass#im very angry at the moment#this isnt constructive for that im just. AAAGH
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
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Pebbles hating on Sun? I'm here for it. I love your version of Suns so much because it just encapsulates all their flaws that people often ignore. Is this my Pebbles bias speaking? Yes absolutely. Nobody LETS Pebbles be angry towards Suns when he has every right to. They just let the anger be outweighed or completely ignored in the favor of Pebbles own screwups.
I want to see Pebbles come into his own, decide he has worth as a living person, and there is value in living. Then, as someone who values his OWN worth, realize that Suns was toxic. That their friendship and mentorship was toxic. Let him be angry and let him cut that out of his life so he can focus on righting his own wrongs (which Pebbles does canonically anyways).
Realistically, Sun's and Pebble's friendship would never be the same. Even if Pebbles forgave Suns, I can't see their relationship being anything but strained. Moon and Pebble's situation cannot be compared to this since Moon is A. extremely forgiving/patient and B. her collapse was an accident on Pebble's part. She was angry yes but chose to rekindle her relationship with Pebbles in the end.
Five Pebbles is a completely different person from Moon and has a right to handle his mentorship with Suns in HIS way. So yeah, I cannot see off the string Pebbles doing anything but trying to heal from what Suns did to him (while also dealing with his own guilt).
here's a treat cuz oh i Know you are here for this, every time my version of these two are mentioned you come runnin jgksdlmcklsdm
#spot says stuff#rain world#rw#// body horror //#mr. decay#← for peeps to blacklist Suns' decayed design cuz o boye i kno it nasty. just in case. i aint gon make u look at this shit#anyway i hope this cements in the fact that id absolutely hate drawing these two in a romantic sense. i find the idea absolutely disgusting#not at u asker n i wont namedrop the reason for me sayin this cuz im not mean like that but there Is a reason n it made me really angry#i respect the shippers yall do yall but the moment u try to point the shit at me like that in Whatever small portion even though im very-#-clear about not likin iterator ships i Will be gettin angry. this is a warning. second time n im blocking
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Getting REAL sick and tired of how omori TikTok views sunny.
Like, they view any scene of him being emotionally vulnerable, affectionate, or even just making an expression outside of just being completely neutral as “mischaracterised”. He’s not some cool, stoic, unwavering badass, he is a traumatised teenager. Don’t cry whenever he dares to give his friend a hug or (god forbid) be SAD about something??? Isn’t like. Part of the point of his development about him allowing himself to break down the repressive walls he built when he shut himself in? And being able to rely on his real friends instead of imaginary versions? And isn’t the game like. Meant to SHOW that he still cares about them despite isolating himself?
It’s really stupid to get mad at a character like that showing emotion or affection personally, especially since he’s not used to expressing it properly after so long. But that’s just me
#this isn’t even solely about the manga though it inspired me to make this post#any piece of official art in which sunny dares to show an emotion is shunned as ooc and I’m sick of it#he only appears ‘neutral’ throughout the GAME’s narrative because he HAS NO FACE SPRITES#because he’s the protagonist and has no actual dialogue#therefore he only makes a few expressions the entire game#obviously manga sunny is a good bit more expressive than canon sunny but#it’s REALLY not as bad as TikTok is making it out to be#I’m so TIRED of this character being viewed as nothing but a rock that ONLY has personality before and the game’s events#not allows to emote at all because ‘he didn’t do that in the game!!’#because he is restricted to ONE face sprite the entire time outside of the battles#omori is a DIFFERENT case and I can admit that manga omori is a good bit more expressive than he should be but#he’s still VERY stoic especially compared to sunny#which is what is should be#sunny should be quite closed off but in contrast to omori so much more human#that’s like. a massive part of their dynamic I feel#anyway this is such a long rant but god im so angry#I’ve seen one too many people cry ‘mischaracterised’ at a teenager expressing feelings#PLEASE stop it#also this is not to say you can’t critique manga sunny’s portrayal#because there are a few issues I believe#which are honestly really hard to dance around considering the factors I mentioned before#about having one expression most of the game and two lines of dialogue the entire time#and honestly? I think they did a pretty okay job!#he’s still a silent protagonist but seeing him emote so often helps us see into his mind and know how he’s thinking much easier#both portrayals have their pros and cons and ultimately I prefer the game’s portrayal#but that’s not to say this version of sunny is terrible and ooc like people have been saying#and that’s definitely not to say that any moment of emotional vulnerability he has is terrible and inaccurate#because that’s. just terrible and untrue#omori#omori sunny
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i don’t talk about bridgerton on here but just to clarify. i will not be having ANY eloise hate on this account. i will bite.
#eloise bridgerton they could never make me hate you!!#addressing the normal talking points one by one to get them sorted:#- no i don’t care that eloise called pen some names after the discovery. she was devastated and furious.#she can apologise in the future but in the moment of course she said it#- yes pen did write about eloise as a way to save her but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t possibly ruined eloise’s life#- similarly: eloise isn’t (just) angry that she was written about. daphne also went through whistledown and it very much terrified her#so have many other women including marina#- eloise is betrayed because she told pen everything and is realising pen told her nothing#(and she’s probably thinking about any secrets she might have said to her best friend that could now be used against the ton and her family)#- as claudio said: being regency gossip girl isnt a moral girlboss thing its deeply harmful tbh#- pen did have reasons to become whistledown! that doesn’t mean that she’s innocent or right!#- eloise isnt now friends with cressida to spite pen lmao she’s alone and scared and cressida was the last person who offered her friendship#she has no idea how to manage society by herself#(and she needs someone to improve the reputation of her and her family)#- im also convinced she has other ulterior motives for befriending cressida. like she’s keeping an eye on her or smth#- eloise didn’t just ignore anything pen said and that’s why she only just figured it out. pen deliberately didn’t speak like lw to hide it#the moment she did eloise was like huh that’s weird she doesn’t normally talk like that. and THATS when she figured it out#- eloise just found out her best friend has betrayed her and been hiding this massive secret#but she hasn’t told anyone. not even her own family. im not hearing out any accusations of HER of being disloyal#- also pen clearly wasn’t that upset at writing about eloise bc the moment eloise and colin upset her she went straight back to it lmao#side note but no i don’t think the queen is going to name her the ‘emerald’ or anything because she’s suddenly in the spotlight#eloise is tbh the only debutante she actually consistently recognised (for good or bad)#a new dress is not going to be interesting for charlotte to change her whole tradition#tl;dr i love eloise and i will die on this hill#eloise bridgerton#bridgerton
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oo okay. okay okay okay cool. cool!
#dude you cant spring a choice like that on me i need to rotate this over in my head D:#cos. godddd. i WANT to say embrace the rage. she SHOULD she has every right to and it feels kind of bad to tell her not to tbh?#ylva would probably too she is/was SO angry about this whole ordeal#in fact i kinda wish the game had given a dwarf rook special dialogue choices? but i digress#generally i would say that ylva would also tell her to go yeah no! that is justified! we SHOULD be angry!#but also what if this one is a choosing compassion over anger moment for ylva#because yes she does have a big heart and tries to be compassionate but this time it's much harder and a very conscious choice#(also in part bc i already had a ''choosing rage tm'' thing for my poe watcher jfkdsfsjdl)#not like this would Solve Everything between them but. yknow. it's a start!#also something something being inspired by harding despite everything something something holding on to your compassion despite everything#they both also deserve to be angry though#with how much time theyre both spending trying to be Good TM#and either way i dont think harding should be suppressing that anger#im reading that more as like. yes you are angry but dont let it consume you. channel it into something else#mmmmmmmm#decisions decisions.............#laya plays dav#dav spoilers#oc: ylva ingellvar
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sorry for not being able to stfu about beastars but im so excited for chapter 149 to get animated. i wanna see people cry and scream and suffer like i did when i read it
#fugo.txt#undescribed#beastars spoilers#I dont like how paru resolved this one i thought it felt childish and that it took away all of the seriousness that was established#and i hope studio orange gets to change that#but i genuinely love this part and im actually angry people never speak about it#i think its a very important moment for legosi#but oh well 🤷♂️#beastars
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grieving with family is so complicated, cause sometimes, no matter how much I love them, I just... can't with them.
each person in my family keeps trying to force their way of grieving, their way of coping onto the people around them.
people keep telling me how I'm supposed to feel, how I'm supposed to react, and that's one thing, I can handle it.
but my aunt (my uncle who passed's wife) keeps having people tell her how she's supposed to move on, and it's driving me bonkers. they keep telling her that finding out more answers about his death is not gonna fix things, that it's gonna not gonna ease her pain, that she just... shouldn't.
and like. yeah. there's a point to be had. but as someone who lost someone very close to me (my papa) very similarly, like, please, please, *please* stop telling her how she's supposed to fucking feel. like. oh my fucking God.
I swear.
it's been a few days, let us grieve how we're gonna grieve for just a minute. wanting answers isn't unhealthy. processing real or imagined guilts and coming to terms with it and clearing it isn't unhealthy. letting people grieve for a minute how they're naturally grieving is so important.
there does come a point where certain forms of grief become unhealthy, but trying to force someone to grieve differently DAYS after the death occurred, is like... such a dick move in my mind, especially when it's just the natural progression of thought and emotion and everything.
I don't know if I make any sense, especially cause I'm trying to leave as much detail out as possible, I just need to vent all this anger and frustration out before I snap.
#I have *no one* to talk to about this stuff#my family doesn't need my negativity and frustration#thats just the stage of like grief and just Feelings™ about all this where I'm just mad and easily frustrated and overstimulated by#everything thing around me so I'm sure that thats the reason I'm so frustrated#but I NEED this off my chest before I blow up on my grieving family#so to tumblr I go in an attempt to maintain my very fragile peace and temper#grief#loss#dealing with grief#mourning#I'm in my angry/overstimulated/“ready to blow up at any given moment cause im emotionally disregulated and can't handle anything ever” phase#personal vent
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omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee
#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time#and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again#have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind#ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her#that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right#to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel#that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists.#so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week#and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨#like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes#'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly.#ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol'#like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like#i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying#a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again#because im not texting back.#i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too.#I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it#i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao#oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour#pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA
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naddpod episode fifty is soooo good you KNOW an episode hits when everyone is mad at murph for ending the session. it really has it all - the boobs getting hammered , gnome redemption arc, one big space bed SLEEPOVER TALK EDITION, balnor pisses in front of his unrequited crush, sloppy bisexual kisses, steampunk boat, hardwon teaching beverly to drive (<3!), bev having soo many EPIC dad moments AND a cliffhanger. AN EP FOR SURE. naddpod episode fifty my beloved!
#naddpod#this isnt really coherent im just very ^_^ abt this episode#anyway. i rlly like when caldwell shouts into the mic because he gets so into it#like yes. character moment#its this ep and also like in eldermourne w his mom#but ANYWAY. i rlly like the dragon turtle fight#its like. very clearly not the optimal move.. but it makes so much sense for bev to be so angry abt it#like. okay sidequest? NO. my DAD.#I LOVE DND SHOW#ramble tag
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#frank.txt#also shit is FUCKED rn . im so STRESSED#my landlord had a landlord moment so we're moving. also this place is getting unbearable#we live near freedom convoy folks and ive been called all sorts of slurs just trying to walk to 7/11 so . idk#maybe the next place will at least have homophobes that aren't as shouty and angry n shit bc GOD. GOD#that one guy that followed me halfway home just yelling slurs like yeah maybe moving out is a blessing in disguise#also this house haa no insulation which is awful in summer and winter#the next place we're going to is more expensive unfortunately but like. its insulated. doesnt have squirrels in the attic. or asbestos.#so uhm yayyy#its in a very secluded farmland area. tbh maybe thats what i need rn bc my physical and mental health arent super sturdy rn#physically feeling a bit bettr tho! just having bubble baths about it <3#i only post now on my priv twit @dykefiend rn#once things are settled ill go back to posting art .#bc i RLLY want to draw my own stuff soon i just gotta work on commissions wnd then start PACKING#genuinely almost cried last night thinking abt how i'll probably be able to see stars at night again#its the outskirts of the city in a rural area. super rundown broken down house but gorgeous yard. all u can hear is wind ans birds#no sirens or yelling or cars!
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1 month ago today my exes mom died is it too soon to tell him I unfriended him and ignored his message because I kind of think he raped me
#i never planned on telling him cuz honestly even tho i dont want him in my life anymore i dont know if what happened was actually rape#theres been a lot of debate over whether or not my specific situation was rape or what the feminists like to call “maintenance sex”#so it feels rather cheap of me to call it rape when our collective idea of rape is so much more sinister than what happened to me#but anyways i didnt want to talk to him about any of this because i dont know what to say about it and i think hes too sexist to listen#but i Did get a very funny and wholesome snap memory of him and one of my besties so i sent it to him#and thats how i found out he reached out to me exactly a month ago to tell me his mom died and to ask for support#which of course i cannot provide cuz i feel too conflicted about him to put aside my ego + i feel that he doesnt deserve that from Me anywa#see also my resistance to cutting him out of my life to the point that i didnt block him or delete all of his pictures#i didnt even get rid of all of his things i kept the sweater his mom gave him cuz i Knew she was going to die too soon#and i knew he would miss wearing this sweater which is the one from his favorite picture of him and his mom together#so not only is the context of this situation very ambiguous but also i dont really feel the way i think a rape victim is Supposed to feel#i mean i have my moments when i really think about it where im hurt and im angry and i cant help my reaction to it even years later#but otherwise im fine and even when it comes to him i was mostly chill and stayed with him for a year after it happened#so i dont feel i have any right to call it rape and yet it was definitely not consensual sex#and theres just no other word to describe ambiguously nonconsensual sex
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i sometimes read something and then become so angry i block like 3 people.
#pizda masei moment#sorry#im someone who like has#low emotional stability#im#im very unlikely to act in the moment#but if i find you fucking annoying i will snap when im angry
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goodbye sweet baby Aemond... hello angry, vengeful teenage Aemond!!!
#hes still baby#to me!#long tags rambling about the next few chapters->#im very excited for this chapter and bringing Aemond/Aegon closer to their older counterparts#the green kids are all still “close” but there's a lot more bitterness baked into their interactions#Rhae's trying to hold both of the boys accountable for their shitty behabior and I think#the only reason she is not going insane herself is because her relationship with Helaena has mostly been unscathed by recent events#if anything they're even closer#there is still the 'marrying Aegon' piece that will be hard for both of them but...#Rhae is way more pissed off at Aegon for treating Helaena poorly than anything#and is additionally frustrated because she can't get through to him as well as she used to#like Aegon was always been a pain in the ass but he had his redeeming moments and now hes just. Dived off a cliff!#he's shut both of them out which makes Helaena sad and Rhae angry#meanwhile Aemond is interesting because#most core parts of him are the same but. Where he used to been a bit more calm and collected he's a lot more explosive.#he still wants to study and train and he still is capable of being gentle#but his ego has been simultaneously bruised and bolstered because of his eye/ Vhagar#he treats his family more or less the same but the way he talks about others is.. alarming!#so Rhae is going to grow closer with them but at the same time#he's going to become less and less familiar to her
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Troy looking at Playa like
#im looking at them like this right this very moment#boilin this particular lobster just made em angry tho
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the best thing about having a diagnosed mental illness(es) is people assuming you're always wrong and/or lying because "you're mentally ill" so no one ever takes your opinion on anything, or interrupts you because what's the point of listening to a crazy person
#talking to the moon#ive been thinking about hospitalization but hospitalization here means waiting 8 hours in the ER waiting room#until they take you in if you're lucky and then tie you up to the bed and drug you until you stop crying or fall asleep#context: im diagnosed with bpd so immediately im taken as extreme dramatic and immature no matter what i say#do they always have to bring up the 'not everything is black and white' thing. like i get it thats the only thing you know about bpd#but im not even being extreme#and if i am it's because shit *is* extreme and if im complaining about it it's because it's affecting me (and others) in a Very bad way#anyways now i Am having a mental illness moment and im so angry. or maybe this is just normal people angry but#im always told everything i do is because of being crazy so who even knows#not me because im fucked up in the head i guess sghdgd
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