#im using this as my blog

[livingisboring]

[ispyspookymansion]

stream i am the prayers of the naive on ao3 dot com

[dreamingteen]

[pinkgelpen444]

[dolliexii]

i literally lost them yesterday

[kyofloral]

[v4mpire1994]

me core

[zeibee]

[inlanasroom]

Im back after a break but I missed you guys </3

[rainyyheart]

it feels so fake.

[urlgray]

[inkskinned]

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

[shiro-tora3]

Imma rant because I have no one else but Dad to talk to lol

TW: Abuse

TW: Amber Johnny defamation trial ( incase the subject itself is triggering)

Im just putting iut my feelings and opinions, not looking for input. Comments will be off. Im just spewing here.

Edit: I have no idea how to turn off comments so while I can't stop you please no flames or hate. This is my space to vent and I'm doing so.

Respectful space to avoid blasting you with my opinions lol

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So.

I watched much of the trial as it came out. My opinions and knowledge of the evidence on this case come from what was presented and shown in court so I'm not like. Getting misinformation from the internet kinda thing.

Anyways.

Just watching the little documentary on Netflix reminded me of how utterly uncomfortable it was to watch Amber on the stand. Just. The way she spoke about things the way she made intense eye contact whilst speaking about the awful thing that were done to her, how she constantly looked to the jury to make sure they were taking in everything she said.

It just. Struck me as very strange.

Then watching as Johnny sooke about the things that were done to him, the way he kinda. Zoned out, didn't make a whole lot of eye contact, spoke quietly. Kinda more in tune with recounting disturbing things you are remembering.

Everyone deals with trauma differently, everyone has different mannerisms, responds to stress differently.

But. Idk. As someone who HAS been a victim of abuse of several kinds, her behaviour just feels. Wrong.

She may be bravely facing head on the people who are to decide her fate, she may be challenging people to see the face of a victim. Or. She may be putting on an act and looking to the jury for approval.

Recounting my own experiences to a professional is humiliating as it is, much less to a room of strangers and the world on live tv.

Much of what she said about Johnny when drinking and taking drugs does sound very familiar. I don't doubt for a second that he was a different person when he got like that. I have personal experience with wondering which side of someone you are going to get day in and day out.

But physical abuse is another thing altogether.

I do believe that people in an altered state of mind are much more capable of doing such things than when they are sober. I imagine they were both horrible to eachother.

But the way he was describing trying to just get away from a situation and she continually followed him to get a rise or fight out of is also familiar.

It's hard for me to say that either of them is innocent. I don't think either of them IS at least in regards to mindgames and promoting and environment of fear.

Watching someone destry furniture is indeed scary.

But taking multiple pictures of someone prone, asleep or passed out, taking video and audio recording of so eone without their kniwledge is just. Disturbing to me. It DOES show a side of Johnny I think many were unaware of. He does not dispute this fact.

But I think the evidence of Amber covering certain perspectives of her arguments (in court) and evidence that she did in fact lie about some things that happen, coupled with her just outtright bizarre behaviour leads me to believe that most of what she brought to the stand was exaggerated or falsified.

I absolutely believe that the internets treatment of her was and is abhorrent. No one's life should ever be threatened, and no one should be made to fear for their safety on a daily basis. To be exposed to such awful things as 'her baby should be put in a microwave'. That's just disgusting behavior.

My conclusion no one will ever know the while truth, life isn't black and white. I imagine both of them were terrible to the other. But if someone hurled a full size dial phone at your face with their full strength, you'd be going to emerge. With SEVERE swelling. She had NO swelling in ANY of the pictures or video of her with bruises. And bruises dont just...lie there. You try and smile with a bruise before? It HURTS. No doctor records, no medical history. The only official record, the police record, states her as being very uncooperative. While she may have been trying to keep Johnny from being arrested, it's odd that she isn't on record saying as such.

Anyways ok rant over thoughts spewed i feel better.

[livingdeadhorse]

art block's on my ass so have my faves

[dolliexii]

[fincherly]

my gf was looking through wesker's wiki page (as you do) and sent me this

and i lost my shit bc it just seems like they're looking at him like girls look at a weird bug