#im trying to work on my own self confidence in terms of looks so i wanna make my ocs pretty while i try to slowly meld my brain to think

[necromosss]

Referring to the last post/reblog 🫶 ocs' physical traits that helps me be confident with mine own.

[aventurineswife]

Hi! Im a new anon who stumble upon your work recently. (I love it btw!) Can I request this scenario for the obey me fandom?

Imagine the MC is (or was) married in the human realm. However the brothers realized that the MC’s spouse is VERY attractive (Like if the spouse was Gojo Satoru). How do you think they would react with the news?

A Bit Of Jealousy

Tags: Lucifer x Reader, Mammon x Reader, Leviathan x Reader, Satan x Reader, Asmodeus x Reader, Beelzebub x Reader, Belphegor x Reader, Jealousy, Humor, Lighthearted Fluff, Possessiveness, Insecurity, Self-Doubt, Teasing.

Warnings: Some possessive and teasing behavior, mild jealousy, occasional insecurity (mostly comedic), discussions about past relationships, lighthearted humor.

A/N: HELLO AND WELCOME! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR KIND WORDS – I’M GLAD YOU’VE ENJOYED MY WORK! IT REALLY MEANS A LOT!! 🤭💖🫶

Lucifer stood with his arms crossed, his sharp gaze fixed on you, as if contemplating something rather than merely listening. It had been some time since you'd mentioned your past life in the human realm, but this new detail had caught his attention.

"I had no idea your ex-husband was… that handsome." Lucifer’s tone was neutral, but the slight narrowing of his eyes betrayed a flicker of something else.

You couldn’t help but chuckle. "It’s not like I married him for his looks," you said, trying to downplay it. "He had other qualities that mattered."

The eldest brother’s expression remained composed, though you could see the tension in his jaw. He was used to being the most capable, the most desired, and the thought that someone else—someone so undeniably attractive—had captured your heart before him stirred a slight discomfort within him.

"You’re saying I wouldn’t have stood a chance?" he asked, his voice dangerously smooth, though a subtle irritation lingered.

You smiled teasingly. "Lucifer, you’re far too full of yourself. Besides, you’re the one I’m with now, aren’t you?"

Lucifer’s gaze softened, and with a possessive gesture, he pulled you closer, his lips brushing your ear as he whispered, "You’re lucky I’m still allowing you to be with such an inferior man."

Mammon’s jaw dropped, his eyes nearly bugging out of his head. "Wait, wait, what? Your ex-husband was that good-looking?!" His face turned a deep shade of red as he paced frantically, tugging at his hair. "How the hell did someone like him end up with ya?!"

You rolled your eyes but couldn't suppress your amusement. "Mammon, it wasn't just about looks."

Mammon, the Avatar of Greed, shrank slightly, as if trying to come to terms with the idea that he might not measure up. "Well, The Great Mammon is way better than some human, right?" he muttered, but the lack of his usual bravado made it clear that he was internally battling his insecurities.

You walked over, resting a hand on his shoulder. "You know you're amazing in your own way, Mammon. It’s not about competing with anyone."

He grumbled under his breath, still clearly unsure of himself. "Yeah, yeah. Guess I’ll just have to show ya why I’m the better pick."

Leviathan froze, his eyes going wide in disbelief. "Wait, wait—that guy?!" His voice wavered, and his face flushed a deep shade of crimson as he processed the revelation. "You were married to him? That’s like… the ultimate level-up in real life! He must’ve been like some kind of rare, super rare character from a game or something!"

You blinked, surprised by his immediate reaction. "You know who he is?"

Leviathan fidgeted nervously, his excitement quickly mixed with insecurity. "O-of course I know him! He's everywhere, with that... unbeatable vibe, and he’s always so confident. I—I don’t think I could ever be like that..." He looked down, voice cracking slightly. "I mean... why would you marry someone like him when you could’ve had a shy, awkward guy who spends all his time gaming, not that I’d have had a chance or anything..."

You raised an eyebrow. "You think he’s that good-looking?"

Leviathan’s cheeks flushed deep red, his fingers fumbling awkwardly with his game controller as if it were a lifeline. "W-Well, yeah... I mean, how can I compete with that?" He mumbled, his voice laced with a mix of frustration and self-doubt. "He’s like... a living anime character, with that whole ‘cool, untouchable’ vibe... I’m just an otaku, surrounded by figurines and my games!" He sighed, slouching in his seat as his eyes dropped to the floor. "Guess I don’t stand a chance, huh?"

You chuckled and patted his head. "Levi, you have your own charm, don't worry."

He mumbled a soft "thanks," his cheeks still tinged pink, as he returned to his game, likely pondering his own appearance in a whole new light.

Satan raised an eyebrow at the news, his usually calm demeanor remaining composed as he closed his book. "I see," he mused, his eyes gleaming with curiosity. "It’s no surprise that someone of his appearance would catch your eye."

You tilted your head. "What does that mean?"

Satan leaned back in his chair, folding his arms behind his head. "It means that while his appearance may be striking, I’ve always known you to be a bit more discerning when it comes to your tastes." His smile was teasing, but there was something more beneath it.

"Jealous, Satan?" you teased.

He smirked, but his eyes flickered with an almost imperceptible hint of rivalry. "Jealousy implies that I feel threatened." His voice lowered, a bit darker. "But I do wonder if someone like him could match my charm… or my intellect."

You raised an eyebrow. "Planning to challenge him?"

Satan didn’t answer immediately, his smile growing more enigmatic. "Perhaps. It might be amusing to test whether he could truly hold a candle to someone like me."

The moment you mentioned your ex-husband, Asmodeus gasped dramatically, his hands flying to his face. "Oh my goodness, you were married to him?!" His eyes sparkled with a mix of excitement and fascination. "Tell me everything! His skincare routine, his hair—how is he so perfect?!" He practically swooned, his voice rising in pitch with every word.

You chuckled, a bit amused by his over-the-top reaction. "I think it's just natural for him." you said, trying to deflect the question.

Asmodeus’s eyes grew wider. "You’re telling me he’s that perfect without even trying?! Oh my, I’m in love with him already!" He threw his head back, letting out a dramatic sigh.

You rolled your eyes, laughing. "You can't just fall for someone based on their looks, Asmo."

He flashed you a playful grin. "Well, darling, you’ve clearly got exquisite taste. But between you and me, I’m still the real star here, aren’t I?"

You laughed again, shaking your head. "You never change."

Beel stared at you for a long moment, clearly trying to process the information. "So… he really was that good-looking?" Beel asked, his voice calm, though there was a note of genuine curiosity in it.

You nodded. "Yeah, he was."

Beel scratched his head thoughtfully. "Well, if you’re with me now, then I guess he must not have been perfect for you." He said it so simply, almost like a statement of fact.

"Exactly," you said, smiling warmly at him. "There’s more to someone than just looks."

Beel smiled back, his expression content. "I’m glad you feel that way."

Belphie barely reacted when you mentioned your ex-husband. His voice remained lazy, but his smirk hinted at his amusement. "So, your ex was that attractive, huh?" He yawned, stretching casually. "Guess he doesn’t compare to me."

You raised an eyebrow. "Are you comparing yourself to a human?"

Belphegor’s smirk deepened. "I’m not comparing. Just stating the facts. But if he was that perfect, I’ve got my work cut out for me."

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help but laugh at his arrogance. "You never change, do you?"

Belphegor stretched out comfortably, flashing you a lazy grin. "Of course not. But in case you forgot, I’m the only one who matters to you now."

[mechagender]

do you have tips on drawing robots/mecha?

augh I really do wish i could have like a really good and thought out tutorial but honestly I don't even know how I learned WAUUHH ummm I think if I had any tips that I personally had to share which isnt a lot 1. try focusing on bolder geometric shapes!! it REALLY helps to sell the mechanical look. organic things tend to have a lot of soft irregular shapes, so deviating from that helps makes things look inorganic. also, try and picture things as a 3d model in your mind if you can! (if you can't, that's alright! people's imaginations work differently, some people can picture things, some people can't. that's just what I personally do)

2. exaggerate your parts and proportions to your hearts content!! robots and mecha are an excuse to really go crazy with things!! while something like drawing humans would typically have sort of a 'set' anatomy and proportions (varying on art style of course) mecha isn't really bound by any set of 'rules' especially if you don't care about being realistic!! (which i dont HEHE) 3. study and try and learn from some of the details of other mecha art. watch/play/consume media that focuses on mecha/robots like gundam or things like transformers, etc. other things that are good to study is real machinery, dolls, and real organic anatomy in general. i'd probably recommend searching some terms like "how to draw mecha/robots" on here and seeing what other tips more experienced artists have 4. PRACTICE!!!!!!! this should be like the tip ever for anything at all. im only able to draw like i am now because i spent a good few years drawing almost nothing but transformers which sort of forced me to learn. don't stop trying even when things look 'wrong' because fucking up is how you get better at Not fucking up

here's a snippet of like some of the first mecha art i can find in my files from back in 2021, you can tell i wasnt really confident in my shapes at all at the time, but keeping at it gave me the ability to improve (obviously none of these are concrete rules pls dont take them as such!!! i also HEAVILY encourage finding lessons elsewhere because beyond generic primary/middle school art classes i have never taken any sort of art education ever and I have no idea what im talking about. i'm entirely self taught, and i've also rarely done serious studies on my own. bad, i know WAUUUGH.)

[ciaossu-imagines]

How do you think Kusanagi would deal with his partner's jealousy and how does he handle his own?

Im in absolute awe of your incredible writing skills 🥰🌸

Thank you so much for the amazing compliment and the interesting ask, my lovely anon! I appreciate both and hope you’ll enjoy reading my thoughts on this!

So, I think first I really want to focus on jealousy when it comes to Izumo himself. He’s not a jealous man, not by his nature. To be honest, a lot of jealousy, when it comes to romantic relationships, is based on insecurities. Kusanagi is very secure in who he is. On top of that, he’s a womanizer. He knows he’s attractive physically, he knows he can easily find a romantic partner. None of those things have ever come hard to him and because of that, he has a lot of confidence in himself, in his looks, and in his ability to find (if not always keep) a romantic relationship. The insecurities that normally exist with romantic jealousy just aren’t present there in Kusanagi.

Because he is a bit of a flirt, he’s also not one to really get all that upset if a romantic partner is as well. He’ll understand, because there’s nothing there when he does it besides just fun and making someone else feel good, that there’s more than likely going to be nothing to a partner’s casual flirtations and compliments to others.

It’s going to take a whole lot for Izumo’s partner to make him jealous. They would have to be really laying on the flirting thick, would have to be constantly talking about that person to him as well, and would have to be largely ignoring his own needs, turning him down on any romantic advances, and really just seem done for him to feel any jealousy.

As with all his emotions though, Kusanagi has a really good rein on his jealousy. He’s able to stay composed and calm even when feeling it and he’ll hide it really well.

However, because of how his partner is behaving, to make such a man jealous, and because he’s got too much pride and confidence to stay in a relationship that clearly isn’t working out for one or the both of them, he’s still likely to just end that relationship. He’ll be gentlemanly about it; he’ll talk to his partner over coffee or somewhere else where the two of them can talk distraction free and he’ll be polite about the breakup. He’ll do the whole ‘we can still be friends and I do still care about you’ and he will genuinely mean it.

Now, moving on to how Kusanagi would deal with a jealous partner. Because, as I said, Kusanagi flirts casually. He’s just a charmer and he likes to make others happy about themselves. He’ll give compliments, he’ll smile and charm and flirt. Half of it is who he just naturally is, since he is very charismatic, and the other half is learned behaviour that helps with his job, both as a bartender and for gathering information.

While he will obviously never be taking anyone else seriously whilst in a relationship, it’s a little understandable for a partner of his to get jealous. And he would find it cute, in a sense. He’d reassure them, tease them a little about their jealousy, but wouldn’t be concerned about it. However, that’s only if the jealousy isn’t a constant thing but more a rarity and if his partner is well-behaved about it.

He would try to make sure, in small ways, that his partner was working on their self-esteem, both in themselves and in terms of their relationship with Izumo. He’d give little, subtle assurances that he was happy and had no plans to leave them, that he thinks the world of them, but he’s not going to be able to keep that up for weeks, months at a time. At some point, the jealousy and his partner’s worry about him leaving them for someone else would burn him out and he’d be unable to continue the relationship.

On top of that, if instead of being well-behaved about their jealousy, if his partner couldn’t control their emotions and got physical with someone else they were jealous of or kept having huge hissy-fits or shouting matches with him whenever they got jealous, Kusanagi would be instantly done with the relationship. He’s an adult who wants a relationship with another adult, not a teenager in an adult’s body.

[diodellet]

*slides in*

How about 3, 16, 17 and 29 for the fic writer asks?

omg i didnt think id ramble this much (thank u for enabling me ner 🤧💕💕)

3. how you feel about your current WIP

tbh i'm not super confident about my writing any time i come out from from a long long hiatus of not posting anything. also like… i'm not super confident writing other charas aside from jamil since i don't really think ab them as much… (sorry leona-natics* whenever this drabble gets posted, but like fingers crossed the sitch will hopefully be exciting enough)

*i think it might have to do with the fact that i kinda hc leona on the grayspec++have more vv specific hc characterizations i like of him, but ig i do see his appeal (one of m'oomfs is a leona-natic and well ahu her propaganda might've been subconsciously assimilated)

but ahaha i tend to write things that i'm very personally interested in so i'll find a way to have fun with it, i'll be gucci i just get too into my head, it's a vicious cycle as a writer.

16. favorite place to write

uhhh im a very sedentary person, probably a result from the pandemic, and being a thorough homebody even after that

hmm i would say id like a nice ambient public place with coffeeeee my blood my life force Some amount of people engrossed in their own work, but like in the ph, esp in a place populated by a lot of uni students, cafes end up being hella cold (im skin and bones the cold is Evil)++noisy (which i don't see as a big bad thing esp since i like socializing with my friends...at the cost of putting off my own writing oops HAHAHA)

17. talk about your writing and editing process

oh boy. here we go. one thing to note throughout all this: my only consistent practice as a writer is inconsistency. (and ig, if i try hard enough, i can usually put out a passable 200-300 words in one sitting)

sometimes i can outline a fic and take forever chipping away at it

^^(case in point: that sebek x vampire!reader x silver fic... i joked abt waiting until book 7 would drop on EN but it has been Stuck. i wanna write bi-disaster sebek so bad though 🤧🤧)

other times my actual writing veers waaaaay into a diff plotpoint instead of what i have plotted out

^^(there're these 2 now-removed bullet points in wcidfy's outline for ch 3 that went: "do i have the balls to write a fever scene… gaguhan anhirap nito pag walang ob [tl: fuck this is hard (to write) without overblots]" and "i also keep thinking of a scene in the (scarabia) gardens…and lying about bees…weird")

and sometimes i can just shit out 1k-ish words unprompted.

^^though this last example leads to my most rough writing++editing ('ily but leave me tf alone' and 'no id rather pretend'), i only look over for immediate errors, but keep iffy-phrasings and repeated words, but sometimes i still miss incomplete sentences that i jus quickly fix after posting ahahaha.

in terms of my more "polished" writing, i edit as i write (<- i do Not recommend this style. it's very unsustainable if ur planning to do more conventional writing/publishing and it's very easy to get trapped in your writer's block)

and after finishing 80% of it, i try to get a second pair of eyes on it (thanks @jessamine-rose mwaps) because validation of works in progress feels good it also helps to have a trusted outside person look at the work with fresher eyes. also smtimes we get into bouncing ideas back nd forth that we spawn new brainrot lmao like this👇

i like to call my writing a "semi-polished first draft" partly out of self-defense and self-criticism. but really, i think i'd rather have "good enough" writing posted than "my best" because i could spend forever hoarding my wips. i think i'll always have regrets over not fleshing out certain beats/using certain phrasings and references, but i also enjoy looking back on my writing and seeing the incremental, microscopic progress. it makes the process more enjoyable than self-flagellating.

on a personal note, the writing workshop scene can be brutal. with some criticism being needlessly harsh, sure it produced some of my "best" writing but the process was Not Fun. while i get that being able to revise meaningfully is an important thing, i think the endgoal of feedback (from my short exp of betaing for friends) shud always be aimed towards uplifting the writer's aim to create/improving the writer's vision of what they wanna achieve, especially in a craft that is as solitary as writing. wait ill rb a post about making ur shitty pots, very in-line with making art in general

29. how easy is it for you to come up with titles?

very hard. i hate thinking of titles, thats why i yoink lines from songs (who cares if the vibe doesnt fit im adding layers of interpretation or sumn🥴🥴). ACTUALLY wcidfy had like 3 other possible names (it was either *rolls out list* hairtie, nonequivalent exchange, or ben franklin effect* wcidfy was the most bearable one.) *i tried to look up how to distill the psychological phenomenon of someone probably liking u more after u do a small favor for them into 2-3 words, but it had to be a WHITE MAN'S NAME 🤢🤢NAW!!!!

for few other examples:

'say what you mean' was initially titled 'oh how the tables turn'

'roommates? more like roomfoes' was first titled 'pet peeves'

'hypothermia' was first titled 'frigid' but then i thought of paradoxical undressing nd stuff and da pseudo-warmth

i've also moved a bunch of other plot beats from wcidfy's main document into a file called "part 45678 of wcidfy"

as u can see i prioritize making myself laugh wid my wip titles. i wanna put the illusion that my writing's not that serious. unless it is? idk i'm not sure how to describe my writing in terms of its vibes.

(list of fic writer asks, ahaha bug me ab my wips)

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

You know what? I think for the first time…honestly maybe in my entire life…I am happy. Like, genuinely happy, content, satisfied.

I am not where I want to be, but I know I am making tangible progress towards it. Mentally, physically, financially.

My therapy sessions lately have gone from this jumbled mess of chaos and anxiety and tears to validating my own choices and feelings. I noticed it three sessions ago and she said she noticed it as well. She said I started the session out kind of asking for permission/validation for recent choices and that I just kept backing my own self up. I have not had this kind of confidence in myself since 2012.

I see several career/financial paths I could do. I am really enjoying doing Rover and still am hoping I gain repeat clientele. In the future, I can get my own pet sitting insurance and cut out the middle man of Rover. It’s exciting to think of this possibility because it’s joining my passion of dogs (that I forgot I had?!) with my independent work style. I make my own schedule, no one’s telling me what to do (other than owner instructions of course) and I’m getting to work with the best pups! I’d really like to market a little more towards basic training as well and include it as an add on.

I have an upcoming husky client who is a jumper. He gets really excited, jumps and jumps, and open mouth “bites.” The owner said he’s trained him from a puppy, but jumping is a pretty frustrating habit for visitors. I let him know I could work on the jumping while I’m there and I’m excited about that. I know a handful of ways to decrease it and just saw another method that I think I’m going to try on this husky since he’s super treat motivated.

Rover is also getting me moving around a lot more. Social work tends to be a pretty sedentary job, but I’m constantly moving when I have high energy dogs. So, I’ve also been losing weight and I feel good. Im outside a lot more and I have the benefit of walking with a dog. How fun!

Im not quite at the point where this could be a long term thing, I need to get more clients and especially dog walking clients. Im mainly doing overnight sits.

Another path I see is joining my masters degree and love of dogs together. This would be a super far out goal, but I could specialize in pet therapy. This was one of my initial goals in college. My academic advisor even suggested that I do some type of therapy work around animals. There was a vet hospital that took on interns in their pet bereavement department, but it was masters level only. So, it was literally grief therapy for pet owners that combined pet therapy (which by the way is human therapy using pets. Not therapy for the pets haha. I get weird looks when I say this sometimes).

There’s still the career paths I’ve been pursuing, but I’d only Been pursuing them because I just don’t know what else I’d do. I do like social work case management, but it’s an even lousier path in Florida than it was up north. I do like the idea of therapy, but it seems so boring to sit in an office all day talking to people.

There have been many times in my life where I was focused on animals, but it seemed too silly of a career thought to ever pursue. I didn’t want to be a vet and I didn’t want to put more money into school to be a vet tech when I was so close to my BSW (but I really did almost leave social work to pursue being a vet tech! But then my school said I could graduate in two more semesters so I let the idea go)

I was a dog walker short term between graduation and my first social work job. I didn’t promote myself anywhere tho or put any stock in it. I was training the family dog at home and helping my friend with training her dog. I began thinking about becoming a trainer. I’ve applied so many times to petsmart/petco for the dog trainer position but ultimately never pursued it and would lean harder into the social work jobs.

I do still feel a little silly being so optimistic about the pet sitting stuff because it’s not a typical route, but im seeing so many people thrive with it now. So many small businesses for pet care. I think I could do that. I think I’d love doing it.

I think i burned out from social work years ago. Maybe from the whole field. I think that part of me is tired. Which is hard to admit. Despite my best self care efforts, I’ve carried the burdens of my clients for the last 10 years. I still think about my first clients from 2014, wonder how they are, if they’re okay, if they’re still alive. Ive spent too many nights crying about my clients because I didn’t have a magic wand to make life easier for them. I’ve given my entire heart to the social work jobs I’ve had and the clients I’ve worked with. I’m tired. Empathy is such a gift And I know it’s my biggest strength, but maybe, at least for now until my heart heals, I can Channel my empathy towards animals again.

We’re finally putting money into savings despite Rover being a huge pay cut. It won’t be sustainable job once we move out, so I have from now until then to make something of it. M is so supportive of this and its helped me to believe in myself again 💚

Some of my recent furry friends. Also M and I celebrated one year of marriage with a training walk with Mel and a night out on the town 🥰

[schizosupport]

Hi Glitch!

So I’m schizoaffective, and one of the traits I really struggle with is memory recall. It makes learning in any formal/tradition sense extremely difficult because everything’s based on quizzing, and when I get something wrong I can’t physically remember/keep track of what the correct/wrong thing is. To demonstrate, if I spell a word wrong and get corrected, I’ll remember both spellings-the right and the wrong but I won’t be able to recall which is which. The more I try over and over the less I’m able to grasp the correct one.

What does work for me is correct repetition. So if I want to learn to spell something writing the correct spelling using a reference over and over-if I never give myself the chance to get it wrong there’s only one thing to remember and it’ll be correct. This has worked really well for me for self directed learning.

Anyways, I’m trying to learn a cultural language I don’t speak natively (it’s extremely important to me). Im extremely low income so I’m doing it with free sources, not formally with classes. But all the free sources involve quizzes and it’s hard bc when it’s simple shit (for example one word translations like “what’s the word for dog?”) it’s easy for me to look it up so I never get it wrong, but when it’s more complicated shit online translators are often wrong. This goes double bc the language I’m working with uses characters so a lot of language learning things don’t have anything in my target language in the first place.

Which is why I’m writing you! I was wondering if you or any of your followers have found any additional hacks for this? I know a lot of us have these memory recall issues and I don’t think I’m the only one attempting to be multilingual. The hack of “look up the right answer” has gotten me really far, but it seems I’m reaching the limitations. And “just talk to people”/“hire a tutor” or “don’t learn a language” don’t really work for my situation.

Thank you so much in advance!

Hey there! So as I understand it, you need a lot of correct repetition to commit something to memory and are looking for resources or tips on how to accomplish that, or a different approach.

So for language learning, I don't know if this is helpful, but something I've used in the past to help me memorize things is a program called Anki. It's essentially a nifty little flashcard program. You may be able to find community made flashcard collections for the language you're learning, but if not, you can also make your own sets.

It basically works in a way where you choose how many cards you want to review per day, and then you basically see the card and then you think of the answer yourself. And then you get the answer. And then you click if it was easy, hard, in-between etc. And then the program makes sure you'll see it more times during the session until you are confident in that one, and then they all come on a roster so you'll get new ones over time, while still reviewing older ones automatically.

It was really helpful to me for when I was having the neurological psychology course because there was a lot of memorization involved, which is not my strong suit either.

Aside from that, the best I can suggest is trying to see if you can find communities online or offline of other learners, where you can encourage each other and have little interactions in the language. If it's possible.

Another thing that has really helped me in the past for learning foreign languages, is to try to get creative with it. So whenever I learned a new term or sentence structure or whatever, I used it to write little simple dialogues that were more iconic/easier to remember and gave me the option to use it for myself.

I hope some of this might be helpful, though it's more general advice.

Best of luck with it!

[ask-chef-teruteru]

i have generalized anxiety disorder and most times it’s really hard to believe the things people tell me. typically when im doubting things and people reassure me. do you have any advice? i try to stay optimistic,

“My apologies, hon, I just wanna be on the same page here— do y’all mean doubtin’ things in terms o’ self doubts, or somethin’ else? Is there somethin’ specific y’all tend t’ need reassurances on?

I ain’t no expert, I don’t got a formal diagnosis or nothin’ like that, but it’s fair to say I struggle a lil’ bit with anxiety sometimes too, so I s’pose I can tell y’all some things that work for me?

Used to be worse when I was younger— ‘fore I won a few competitions, got my ultimate title— back when the diner was strugglin’ financially n’ it felt like everything was goin’ wrong all the time all at once. Would get myself all in a tizzy, would start off worryin’ over one lil’ thing that’d snowball into another thing n’ another n’ another ‘til pretty soon I was a mess n’ needed help calmin’ down.

'I wasn’t feelin’ too confident on that last dish, it didn’t look as pretty as it did last time I made it. What if it didn’t look right cause I made it wrong? What if it was burnt or I forgot an ingredient or it was underdone? What if the person who ordered it’s a renowned critic n’ I blew our chances o’ ever doin’ any better? What if that critic doesn’t like the food cause I screwed up and writes an awful review and nobody ever comes back? How will we live? The diner’ll go under if we don’t get no customers, we won’t have no money to live, Mama won’t have no more money for medicine, what if Mama gets worse? What if we lose the diner’n that stress gets t’be too much for her? What if she hates me for it? It would be all my fault!'

I’m panickin’ picturin’ myself livin’ on the street n’ Mama in an early grave n’ hatin’ me with her last breath, n’ ain’t nothin’ ever even happened, mind you. Weren’t no complaints ‘bout the food, opposite in fact, n’ me worryin’ myself sick didn’t do no good.

O’course sometimes things do happen that don’t go good, but anxiety makes mountains o’ mole hills. Situations where y’all got the time to worry ‘bout somethin’ bad happenin’ ain’t usually gonna end with the worst possible outcome. Really though, even the times when it feels like things couldn’t get no worse, life still goes on. Always sounds like an eye roller of a thing t’ say, but it’s true. If ya screw something up for real n’ it ain’t all just nerves, things won’t always be just as bleak’s they feel at that exact moment. It’s hard to get outta your own head, but y’all really gotta try to take a step back, try to rationalize, think about it from somebody else’s perspective.

Next time you’re feelin’ anxious ‘bout somethin’ y’all did, try thinkin’ ‘bout how you’d feel if somebody else had done it. If Mama’d made a dish that weren’t good n’ we got a bad review from somebody important n’ it meant financial ruin, I still wouldn’t have started hatin’ her or worryin’ ‘bout how to go on— it woulda just been a bad thing that happened that we’d learn t’ live with, y’know?

Ya gotta not be your own worst critic n’ gotta not assume people’re just tellin’ y’all sweet lies when they’re try’na reassure y’all. A lot o’ things you’re anxious about aren’t gonna cross other people’s minds ever again. That time y’all answered a question wrong n’ only realized it once the person walked off n’ there was no good opportunity to correct yourself? Moment’s passed, that person would probably just go 'oh okay' if y’all told them later. Ever waved at somebody cause you thought they was wavin’ at you but they were actually wavin’ at somebody behind you? Now that person just thinks you’re friendly cause you’d wave back if they waved at ‘em first.”

“I feel like I’ve gone on a while now and I don’t actually know how on the mark I am with any o’ that, so please don’t hesitate to talk to me again n’ follow up if I weren’t helpful, so I s’pose I’ll leave it at that for now. I hope I’ll hear from y’all soon!”

[ageofnations]

2022 Writers Tag

thank you @sammysvanfeet and @streamingcolors-gvf for tagging me in this! sorry this took so long!

I think it might be fun to look back on what we've all achieved this year, let you give yourselves a well deserved pat on the back and also share what you love.

1. How do you feel 2022 has gone in terms of writing?

the beginning of this year was great in terms of writing, i had a somewhat easy semester of classes so school didn’t really get in the way, and i didn’t have to work too much this summer, so that was great! as the year progressed tho, my confidence started to struggle, and my self-worth in this fandom kinda declined. i’m still working on getting over that and creating something i know you all would like and i would be proud of. a new job, a harder class load, and grad school prep really made it difficult for me. i’m proud of how far i’ve progressed though!

2. What piece are you proudest of this year? It can be a shot/blurb/headcannon, a whole series or even a specific chapter.

ego. next question

3. Is there anything you posted that you wish had reached more people? (No such thing as a flop here!) Shout it out, it might catch a new pair of eyes!

i believe that all of my fics have done as well as they possibly could’ve, but i wish ego parts 2 and 3 would’ve gotten more attention. i know that unexpected additions to fics don’t do as well as the first part sometimes, though. i think ego is just my proudest bit so im protective of it lmao

4. Can you give us a hint of anything coming before the end of the year? Maybe even a little taster?

before the end of the year, you’ll certainly get more Table For Two (maybe even the finale of the series?) but from me specifically, i’m hoping to finish up a sammy wip to hold you all over until my new josh series is ready to be posted!

5. Are you setting any writing goals for next year, or just going with the flow? If you are, what are they?

mostly going with the flow, but i am setting goals to work on my confidence, discipline, and time management. i am working on sticking to smaller goals (such as writing a certain amount a week) and staying true to it, not posting for notes and rather posting because i am proud of what i’ve done, and figuring out ways to fit writing into my life as a student.

6. Do you have any one shots or finished pieces you're tempted to expand on or revisit next year?

ego, when the night is over, and maybe even a little josh x bip and danny x bip action in the chamomile au. we will see about all of that tho.

7. Is there anything new you're tempted to try out? A new style/trope/AU/another person in the fandom?

i think Wings of Midas will be a new stretch for me in many ways. forbidden love, suuuuuuper slow burn, and unrequited love. not to mention the research im trying to do in order to build the au and the mysteries behind it. it’s a really intricate piece

8. Now to hype some other writers! What's a piece you read back in the first half of the year that you can shout out?

oh dear i have the worst memory. tears of rain by my love @streamingcolors-gvf was (and still is) one of my favorite series. pretty by @jakekiszkaenthusiast is another off of the top of my head. and lazarus and abaddon ofc by @garbagevanfleet

9. And how about something you've read more recently?

the perfect treat by @streamingcolors-gvf has been in my head a lot recently (i wonder why…) so there’s that.

10. A fun one to finish...If you could insert yourself into any fic in the fandom, which would it be and what do you think would happen?

is it vain to insert myself into my own fic… kidding kidding.

put me in sugar plz, im tryna see something…it wouldn’t end how it did, just know that (but i know it had to end like it did, so this is all just /lh)

[psychicdronefemale-ocd]

Neutral Wonderings (March 8, 2023)

i wonder if a large part of what i'm experiencing is extreme over-awareness and scrutiny of all my thoughts, feelings, sensations, etc. maybe i greatly exaggerate the feelings/experiences i have, and prolong them by how i react to them. i just struggle so much with uncertainty and lack of understanding. is it mental or physical? what is even the line between them? does it matter?

i still think there are persistent health obsessions. both about mental and physical health. i feel the instrusive thoughts slip away from the violent genre and into the health-anxiety genre. i wonder why? did i conquer the violent thoughts? have i become comfortable with them and able to recognize them as silly and non-threatening? certainly, the health-anxiety thoughts are more realistic fears, harder to quell. do these things just shuffle around eternally? is it a game of whack a mole, and one mole has gone down, and another has popped up?

also, i've been feeling like a ticking time bomb. i can see that i'm feeling so much better than i was a few months ago. but it was a very hard few months. i still lived my life, i tried not to let it impact me too much, but it was very intense and uncomfortable to go through the feelings and experiences i was going through on a daily basis. and i felt persistently like i was on thin ice and close to breaking. perpetually on the edge. and i don't know where it came from, and i don't know why it happened, and i don't know if/when/how it will happen again. is it medical/physical? can i control it? can i prevent it? i can look back and feel comforted somewhat that even at the worst of how i was feeling, i still lived my life, i still went out, i didn't harm my relationships, i set realistic boundaries with work that were ultimately positive in the long term (i think), and i got through it. but it really fucking sucked. i still, at moments, get the feeling like im hanging on by a thread, and that something could happen that would just completely throw me into confusion and depression and despair.

just a few months ago, my intrusive thoughts about violence and self harm were constant, overbearing, and so frightening. now that i have started talking to a psychologist and am making a plan to address them, they barely bother me. days went by that i would just lay in bed wanting to cry, so overwhelmed by the noise in my head, playing through the most horrible things i could imagine on repeat. it impacted work, it impacted my physical health, my routines, my confidence, my sense of self. and though i could find happiness and distraction in spending time with friends, my boyfriend, playing games, etc, i carried a heavy weight with me through all of it. something i could almost physically feel in my brain, a looming sense of doom and despair and negativity, always feeling on the edge of panic. can i really just have caused all that by being too aware/scrutinizing about my thoughts?

i can try to focus on the positive, and there is a lot of positive. through these experiences, i protect what is important to me, i maintain my values, and i still experience happiness. but i also want to acknowledge that - for no identifiable reason - i can go months of feeling SO FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE in my own skin and my own mind. typically, i feel very comfortable alone. i am a comfort to myself, i have peaceful time alone, i enjoy my own company, i enjoy my own ruminations with myself. but it feels like that can suddenly/unexpectedly change, and i don't know why. i can feel unrecognizable to myself, struggle with things that used to be easy, famililar, comfortable. and get this unshakeable feeling of precariousness. am i just addressing it wrong? am i addressing it in a counterproductive/obsessive way?

[pillowcaseghostie]

Does anyone else text or message their partners when they're asleep with whatever random things? Sometimes I'm feeling sad or thinking about some of my traumas and get a boost of confidence in talking about it with him but I don't want to wake him up when I'm "fine" for the most part and can handle how I feel until he is awake.

I just kinda spent an hour writing to him in discord. It started off about sorrow about what became of childhood pottery pieces and spiraled out from there. It's sad to get into these feelings but it's also freeing to be able to share.

I just gotta make sure he knows not to read it before work because it's all kind of a giant bummer. I mean he's mostly a pretty happy guy full of self esteem and doesn't get bummed out by my stories but still.

But for now I feel a little better. My birthday always makes me sad but at least I feel I did something constructive by talking about it.

Im also kind of trying to come to terms with the fact I keep trying to replicate flavors and food from growing up because I miss the few stable moments in my childhood and because I feel like I'm lacking in identity.

Italian American families even ones who have never been to Italy always seem so confident in their "Italian-ness"

My grandpa was an immigrant but grew up here mostly so he was very Americanized. I suspect my great grandpa pushed for that as the time they immigrated would've been a time where having an accent was a pretty no go for the Italian and Irish. Ironic that these groups are so racist against others in the same boat in the present day but I digress.

I looked up a recipe to try to get a starting point for the meatballs he used to make and found it's a Sicilian type recipe. Left me with questions like "I thought we came from Naples." And "Is Sicily in Italy?" Which made me feel even MORE American and not Italian American.

My brother is boisterous, confident, loud, and embraced the food culture so heavily but I'm more subdued unless I'm confortable, I lack in the same confidence, and I feel disconnected from it. Sometimes I feel more at home with asian inspired dishes. Truthfully it's because of a strong weeaboo phase but that weeaboo phase is distinctly mine along with me acquiring these tastes on my own through my own exploration, unlike some of the foods thrust upon me.

I don't know anything about my own culture and I feel so lost because of it.

Sorry for such a personal post but I suspect it'll be buried before I even realize it's something I shouldn't have posted, but I'm so tired of feeling ashamed for my true feelings and myself that I don't want to keep it inside either.

Anyway happy birthday to me lol

[dangerouslyknown]

Just found your blog and your pretty hcs and scenarios for Admirals 🥺

I hope I can request some hcs for them. Their passion has trust issues, so she doesn't talk to anyone all the time, but she likes to help others, although you can't tell by her appearance, because she constantly frowns and looks gloomy. She is a kind, but self-contained person. I'm just wondering what approach the admirals will use.

Scenario: Admirals approach for a quiet, gloomy-looking but kind crush with trust issues

Im glad you found my blog/posts <33 Thank you for the request!

For some reason this was quite difficult to think of, but this scenario was interesting! I hope yall like what I came up with this time.

Borsalino / Kizaru

His natural way of approaching his crushes is just to come up to them and talk to them, tease them… You know, usual him. He isn't very familiar with dealing with people with trust issues and he is pretty clueless about what would be the correct way of approaching you but… Borsalino being Borsalino, he would approach you anyways on his ways.

His first interaction with you would probably be like this: He comes to you, and asks some questions to get the conversation going. The questions depend a lot on the situation but he would probably ask you about yourself, or go with something cliche like "Nice weather today, huh?"

Despite him knowing you aren't very talkative, he would probably jokingly comment something afterward like "Did cat steal your tongue~?" and chuckle to himself. Awkwardness and embarrassment are unknown terms to him, so he probably doesn't realize himself how awkward or uncomfortable that might have made you, but he doesn't intend to be mean in any way. That's just how he is.

He might try this "coming-up-to-you-and-trying-to-discuss-something" tactic a few times, hoping that it will work and he is still quite clueless about how this all makes you feel. He isn't a man who gives up easily if there is something he wants, but…

He is an observant person despite him being so absent-like. He quickly learns that you like helping people, which gives him new ideas. He even might eventually realize that maybe his straight approach isn't the best, so he decides to eventually change his way.

He isn't going to stop trying to talk to you, but now he has some more tricks up his sleeve. He suddenly starts being around you a lot and might or might not drop some documents on the floor by accident, hoping you would help him collect them and maybe talk to him on your own.

His mission is to gain your trust, but what a different task this is to him. Usually, he would just tease their crush a lot like blocking the doorframe, picking up objects they need to annoy them, or something silly like that.

After he notices you being more comfortable around him, I can see him going back to his "old habits". He would be such a tease after he has gained you!

Sakazuki / Akainu

Oh, he is usually a lot more reserved type when it comes to crushes. After he has taken an interest in you, he would observe you from the distance for a while, getting to know you a little before making his move. He isn't bothered by your gloominess either. He doesn't like acting on his feelings that quickly though because he likes to scout his feelings first.

When he has his feelings sorted out and he finally knows what he truly wants, he thinks of his next move. He isn't very soft with his words and outward he might come off as intimidating and he is well aware of that. He is a total rookie when it comes to relationships in general, but that doesn't mean he lacks confidence.

He doesn't directly talk to you, because as harsh as he is, he still doesn't want to intimidate you nor does he want to move too fast with things. It's not that he cares how people see him and what's important to him is that whoever he allows getting closer to him is accepting him as he is. He just doesn't want to scare you away immediately.

And let's be honest here. Sakazuki is a huge workaholic and he is working a lot so it is very unlikely for him to have a crush on someone outside the Marines, so the way he decided to approach you is simply through work.

Him being the Fleet Admiral, he pretty much has all the power to decide where every officer works. He could stealthily change your position to get you to work under him, or at least closer to him. He has been observing you from distance, but now he has a chance to get to know you at least a little better.

This doesn't mean you get any special treatment. He treats you as he would treat any of his subordinates, but he's a person too. He doesn't force you to talk to him and he offers you to only bring in written reports which almost feels like special treatment but it's not. I have a feeling that he isn't necessarily mean to people unless you come in the way of his justice or get on his nerves by being an absolute wimpy.

When he has had you as a subordinate for a while, eventually he would start asking you for more favors. Something like "Bring these to Borsalino" or "Help me sign these documents" which he would usually do himself.

He could be a very direct man with his feelings if he wanted to. He could have asked you to stay in his office and talk to you countless times, but especially with a person like you, he saw a careful approach as the best option.

And like I said, he isn't that soft as a person. He won't talk sweet nothings around you, he won't start unnecessary conversations or anything. He believes that it will happen over time if you two are meant to be closer than just coworkers. He is not a guy to force anything like love or friendship. Of course, he boosts the chances, by making you work closer to him but he has his trust in the process.

Kuzan / Aokiji

We all know he is a straightforward person with his crushes. When he sees an attractive person, he's gonna walk up to them and ask them on a date so that's what he does, but with you, he immediately realizes that it might have been a mistake.

I see him as an "emotionally intelligent" and respectful person, so he would immediately apologize to you after making you uncomfortable and he would think of ways to get closer to you.

After this incident, he would take his time to read the situation and you. He would quickly catch on and learn more about you despite being an extremely lazy person, and he would think of the best possible way of getting you to trust him.

His plan is very simple and doesn't require lots of effort from him. He plans to come to you every day and just… chat with you. Whether you talk back to him or not, he wants to be with you and gain your trust.

His second approach to you would be him saying something like this "Hey, I am sorry about earlier. This might seem weird, but you don't need to talk to me if you are not comfortable enough. I just want to be around you, okay?" while standing there awkwardly, but beaming with a warmness. After hopefully seeing you nod, he would sit down and tell you about his day or go on about a random topic, whatever he comes up with at the moment.

He tries not to run out of topics, so he would probably eventually just talk about random things, like the foods he ate today and how you should try them out sometime or maybe even invite you to go into a restaurant with him. All this, with a smile on his face of course.

He would even take time off work to come and chat with you, which he normally would spend on napping. He would probably nap around you tho...

While he is actively being around you a lot, he gives you space soo. He would let you do your things, he would not interfere with anything because he has learned how independent you are. And if you show some signs of being uncomfortable around him, he would leave you alone. He takes his time with you, not forcing you to do anything, but he hopes you will one day speak back to him.

He knows you like helping people, but he's too lazy to make you do anything for him, he just wants to chill, besides, he doesn't need help with anything. It crossed his mind once or twice that he could have you do some of his work for him, but he shrugged it off. He wouldn't want to take advantage of your kind nature.

Issho / Fujitora

I think that with him things would go a bit differently. He is a fully functional person but there is no denying that he is blind and needs some help with things from time to time, or at least others helping him makes his life easier.

Basically, the first interaction between you two was so casual. You were both Marines and on a Navy ship, sailing toward the destination. He was there too, and you two happened to be in the kitchen together and he was searching for something. He couldn't find his soba so he turned to you, asking you to help him find and prepare it. You agreed, and that was the end of that.

He obviously didn't see your form, but he sensed your aura and emotions and he immediately took a liking to you. Your presence made him smile widely and he got curious about you as a person. He also sensed you having trust issues.

He rolled a dice because he had multiple approaches in mind. With that one roll, it was settled. He asked some of his other subordinates to help him because he intends to write letters to you which he cannot do himself. First, he would ask his subordinates to write down simple things like "How was your day? I hope it went well. Best regards, Issho."

He wouldn't give up and he sent you those letters frequently, not expecting anything back from you. He just wanted to let you know that someone cares about you. He was hoping for you to respond to him, vocally or with another letter, but he didn't expect it.

That one day, you brought him a letter response back which he was overjoyed with. He asked his subordinates to read it to him and he got more confidence in what to write in the letters. He would now come up with more "bold" stuff like actually asking questions to get to know you better. He is a patient man, so he would continue doing this until you start being vocal around him.

He would also write and eventually say couraging words out loud to make you feel good, and he means everything he says. He isn't ashamed to compliment you as he has a strong urge to make his crushes feel safe and loved around him.

He likes you for your personality, but let me tell you this man would fall in love with your voice too. After you started talking to him, he had this feeling that he could listen to you talk for hours and hours. He appreciates every moment you speak.

[slowdiived]

just tell me i’m yours (kurt kunkle x fem reader)

WARNING FOR SEX FR! this one was cray to write! im excited for everything i have planned next, the story is gonna pick up fr! also just wanted to let you guys know that i pinned my masters list so you can read everything in order :) i also put a playlist for this series on there if you would like to listen, it’s definitely interesting 🤭

the screenshots of you naked circled everywhere. it wasn't a huge story to your delight, just big enough to piss you off. you felt so stupid, how could you be so stupid?

it boosted kurt's accounts, always answering questions about it and milking it for what it was worth. telling people that it was an accident and that you guys both feel weird about it. he wasn't trying to make you feel bad or make you look bad, he just knew if he was always addressing it, he could boost himself.

you tried to push through it, pretending to keep posting like nothing had happened. a few self deprecating tik toks and duets to people who showed their support for you. it was a fight, people saying that one shouldn't look if they respect you- or women for that matter, then another crowd saying it was on a public platform, so it should be public.

you just reported any account you could that had the pictures up.

you had also got fired from your job. it wasn't the worst thing to be away from that wretched store, just humiliating that you couldn't leave on your own terms. they didn't want you to tarnish the name and you just accepted your fate.

the good thing to come out of any of this: you got a brand deal from a sex toy company.

you told them that you wouldn't ever be naked on camera again but they wanted you to talk about the company and what they sell. you were slowly turning your situation into something where you could help women feel comfortable with their bodies and what they want. all while you are discovering that yourself.

the praise was getting bigger than the hate.

and the money you were raking in... you didn't need a part time job to get by.

it had strengthened parts of your relationship with kurt, you guys having a second honeymoon phase after the first was getting close to fizzing out. maybe it was your sense of false confidence, pretending that this was all going to be okay and you could turn it all into positives. maybe it was the fact that kurt was utterly enamored with you and everything you are.

conjoined at the hip, he never wanted to let go. this was the first time he had ever had an obsession with something that wasn't numbers or games. this was something that he hadn't fucked up yet and he didn't want to come close to fucking up.

if one's social media falls, they can pick up the pieces and do something bigger, bad or good. in a relationship, one can't do bad to make it come back. he had to be on his best behavior, he had to be as alert as he knew how to be. he needs to be in tune with your emotions the best he could, learning how to feel and how to cater. his level of comfort had to change and you made it easier, even if he was nervous.

he had already made his mom love you, excited her boy was changing. she embarrassed him the other night at a dinner when she explained how weird kurt was as a child, his accidents and faults. she told you about an accident he had as a kid where he was bed ridden for awhile, your heart breaking for him. you realized a lot about him and his family dynamics, why he would've been considered weird. why he was in such desperate need of someone or something to make him feel good.

after that night, your demeanor to him was so much more gentle than before.

"hey kurt?" you called to him from your bed.

he turned around from your desk where he was working on your laptop to edit this weeks vlog. it was a trip to joshua tree that you both had taken the previous week.

"yes?" he pulled his headphones down, his voice quiet.

"lay with me?" you asked with your arms stretched out.

he immediately put his headphones next to the laptop, standing up and falling onto the bed. he crawled over to you and placed his head on your abdomen, arms caging your lower half.

"don't have to ask me twice," he giggled into you.

you placed a hand in his slightly greasy hair, running your fingers into his scalp.

"i love you," he mumbled into your stomach.

"i love you."

he pulled up your shirt, kissing your skin gently. you giggled and tensed at the sensation, gripping his hair carefully. he left your skin crawling in such a good way, you could never get enough of his touch.

he then pulled up, crawling to your lips. he pressed his into you, kissing passionately. you wrapped your legs around his hovering torso.

he pulled away for air and pressed his forehead against yours, your lips a few centimeters away.

"how are y-you feeling?" he asked.

his breath fanned over your face, warm and minty from the gum he had spit out previously.

"better now that you're on top of me," you whispered, quickly pecking his lips. "why?"

he pressed his body weight into you, pulling his head up. he awkwardly shifted to straddle you and placed his hands on your ribs.

"i was just thinking a lot while editing," he looked down at his hands. "just wanted to make sure you are okay."

"i'm okay," you smiled. "are you feeling alright?"

he looked back up at you and his big dark doe eyes made you melt. you held onto both of his thighs, rubbing your hands along him.

"do you ever get sick of m-me?" he asked.

you frowned and immediately started sitting up against the wall behind you. that shifted him onto his knees while he continued to straddle you. your hands pressed against his warm cheeks.

"no," you shook your head. "not at all. why are you thinking that?"

he shrugged.

"i just don't want you to leave," he admitted. "i-i know you won't but like... i mess up a lot. like my mom said, i can be a lot. i mean i just d-don't want to mess this up also... do you get that?"

you pulled him in close, your lips threatening to spill against his.

"i need you," his eyes sunk into yours as you spoke. "i mess things up quickly and if i haven't managed to do that with you yet, i think we are meant to be something."

your lips collided with his, the both of you not being able to get enough of each other. twisting, turning, hands rubbing over anything you both could touch... this was leading to something you needed. his hands were pulling at your t-shirt, quickly pulling it off and reconnecting to him. he whined into you as your hands pressed against the tops of his thighs, grinding into him a bit. you started sitting up to lower him and he pulled away, his gaze full of pleas to you.

you pulled his shirt of his head, tossing it to god knows where. everything was fast but so sweet, his whimpers turning you into a disarray of lust. you bit his neck, your tongue gliding against his soft skin. he couldn't keep his mouth shut, gasping and moaning out. his hands were traveling your back, occasionally moving to squeeze your clothed ass. you moved down his chest, your lips pressing through chest hair down to his tummy, kisses placed ever so gently.

"i-i need you," he breathed out. "i need you s-so bad please."

you unhooked your bra and he pulled it off so aggressively, yanking you down to put a nipple in his mouth. you could feel yourself growing too wet, your thong probably letting everything escape into your leggings. your whimpers turned into full fledged moans, grinding down into your boy.

"you are doing so good for me," you praised him. "so good for your girl."

he pulled away with a pop, spit disconnecting. he tugged at your leggings and you turned over to pull them down. he had also yanked off his sweats and underwear, his member hitting his lower abdomen.

you straddled him again, this time sliding against his dick. you were so wet and he gasped at the feeling of your warmth.

"oh god," his head shot back as he grabbed your hips. "i want you to fuck the shit out of me. i want y-you to make your good b-boy come please."

his desperation was something else, he had such a fire in his eyes and veracity in his tone. you nodded, kissing his lips.

"i'll make you come five times over baby," you promised. "make sure you know that you are mine."

he cried out at the statement alone.

you grabbed him and lined him up to you, your breath shaky until you slowly descend onto him. he bucked his hips up by accident, the pleasure overtaking him. you cry out at the feeling of getting stretched so fast. he couldn't feel sorry, he was feeling so euphoric. you played along and slowly started bouncing yourself onto him. his fingers could've bruised your hips with his grip. his eyes were scrunched shut, lips parted to let out his slutty fucking moans.

"i can't wait for you to start crying baby," you hand your hands pressed to his chest for support. "make you moan my name over and over."

he groaned and you picked up the pace. the slapping sound was obscene, almost pornographic. he reached for your boobs and kneaded them harshly. you loved every inch of his scrunched up expression, he looked so handsome. you found yourself moaning louder and louder, grinding into him once your legs would get tired. he fell so deep into you, places that you weren’t so use to. you threw your head back and kept going, your clit brushing against the hair that sat atop of him.

“god, (y/n),” his hands traveled down to your waist, fingernails digging. “e-everything you do is so perfect, ugh… you are so beautiful. so fucking perfect.”

you could tell he forgot what he was going to say, your power bringing him to the mess you always liked to see. he started bucking up into you which signaled that he was close.

but you could feel a knot in your stomach that was getting tighter and butterflies raced to the top of your spine. your moans became so insane, surprised that you didn’t care about the neighbors hearing. your walls tightened around him.

“(y/n) i’m so close,” his head shot back again, arching his spine. “i can’t wait to come all in you, make you so p-proud!”

you lost it, your legs twitching and your body internally vibrating from your orgasm. you soon felt him groan loudly, his released shooting all in you. you slowed down the pace but was reluctant to pull yourself off. you both sat there for a minute, sweat being cooled to your skin. your hair was definitely stuck to your face and your vision was coming back to you as your eyes readjusted from being squeezed shut.

you pressed yourself onto his chest, your head resting next to his. he wrapped his arms around your frame.

“why do you think i would ever get sick of this?” you asked, chest still rising and falling at a rapid rate.

“i don’t know,” he whispered against your ear. “maybe you think i’m no good. i’ve changed your life a lot, m-maybe you don’t want to feel like you do anymore.”

you sat up, caging his head with both your arms. he moaned at the feeling of his cock being readjusted in you.

“it’s not your fault,” you sighed. “none of it is your fault. i messed up, blame it all on me.”

you kissed his forehead.

“besides, who else is gonna fuck you like i just did?” you laughed.

he shrugged and laughed as well. you took that as a chance to pull off of him, his release dripping out of you and onto his skin, hot and wet.

“fuck,” he moaned out, craning his neck to look at his spilled out mess.

you sat on the edge of the bed for a moment, your legs not ready to stand. as you tried, they shook which made you throw yourself back down.

“i need to clean up but i think my legs are dead,” you smirk.

he gets up and grabs a towel you had in your clean clothes basket that wasn’t put away. he wipes himself off first and heads over to you, forcing your legs open with his slender frame.

“i got you.”

he wiped the rest of the cum that lingered on you and your inner thighs. he dabbed ever so gently against your overstimulated core.

“you look so pretty with me all in you,” he giggled.

whenever he complimented you with something so simple yet so sweet, your cheeks heat up.

“maybe we should go take a shower,” you sat up and he grabbed your hands, pulling you to your feet. “think we need it.”

[all-about-seggs]

Sultry Blues-

Rating: ❌18+, Explicit❌

Pairing : Gojo Satoru x Insecure! Fem Reader

Word count: 2.5 k

Warnings: Trigger warning for insecurities (not specified), Body Worshipping, a bit of food play, cunnilingus, Semi-public sex.

The faint sounds of ringing bells from the shrine was still in the air as you made your way to the inner structure of the prestigious Jujutsu academy. The path to the meeting room was straight and lined with stone carvings which gave the entire place an ancient look. You had a lunchtime date with your boyfriend, who would, hopefully be on time so you could be on your way.

This place always made you uneasy, not because of the dangerous connotations it brought in everyone’s lives but it was the people who freaked you out the most. To you, each one of the teachers as well as the students looked like some characters straight from a book, elegant, strong and perfectly capable of doing things normal people like you could only read about. Not having enough confidence on yourself physically or mentally worsened every time it dawned on you that you were dating the most perfect being of them all.

Perplexing wouldn’t even began to describe your state of mind when Satoru first took interest in you, sure looks or status didn’t meant anything to him but even in terms of personality you never thought the two of you would get along, so much so that you would become such an irreplaceable part of each other. But you knew his feelings for you did nothing to stop the ache in your heart when you saw him getting ganged up on by a bunch of women. Women attractive than you, smarter than you and definitely stronger than you.

This was exactly the place where all those kind of women lived making you feel even more of an outsider in his world. Not wanting to cause Satoru any worries you tried to psyche yourself up by picking up your pace only to be met with a hard shoulder to your cheek.

“I’m sorry! I wasn’t looking”, you looked up at the stranger, she was tall, her sturdy figure seemed like she was also a sorcerer but her ID pass was tucked on the breast pocket of her coat along with her youthful face indicated she was a student, you squinted to see that her name was Lisa and as you were about to apologise when you saw her sneer at you.

“ Ugh… outsiders. Don’t you know how to walk properly? Or did you not learn that in your no name school?”, her condescending tone took you aback.

You knew you didn’t exactly belong here but she wasn’t cutting you any slack for being a civilian either. You wanted to ask her why was she being so rude but your queries were cut off as by the girl.

“ No need to explain yourself I already know who you are, I’ve seen you following Gojo- San like a lost puppy a lot of times, seriously it’s like you don’t even have a presence without him.”, with a pause you finally thought her pointless berating would come to a stop but she went on.

“ He has a reputation to uphold here so don’t go around embarrassing him with your airheaded and average looking face”, now with THAT she crossed the line but as much as you wanted to give her a comeback all you anger turned into self loathing in a matter of seconds and you stood there dumbly not being able to defend yourself from the onslaught of verbal attacks that even you partially agreed with.

Not even bothering to look at her when she passed you thought about her mean words that were half untrue. You knew dating a popular guy would include more that just a little bit harmless envy of girls. At this point you’d be lucky if you didn’t get attacked by one of your boyfriend’s fangirl. But, It wasn’t about Satoru anymore, you thought. It was about how you were letting the jealousy of his superficial admirers who didn’t even knew only knew his name and face. Before you could delve more into your darkening thoughts you heard a cheery voice call out to you.

Bag at hand, which probably contained some sort of dessert you saw Satoru gleefully making his way towards you. It took you a few seconds to plaster a believable smile to your face so you could greet him normally.

“ Wow I can’t believe IM the one who had to wait around this time”, placing a tiny kiss on your nose he pulled you in for a hug, his warmth seeping into you put your mind at ease and help you distract yourself from the horrible encounter before.

“ The meeting was pointless and even the snacks turned out to be lame”, whining a little he waved the bag in front of you. A convenient store vanilla sponge cake with a packet of strawberry sauce was right in front of you and honestly if it were you, you’d probably eat it without question but knowing his love for quality sweets it was understandable why he’d complain.

“ Well actually, with the right toppings and modifications even convenient store packed cakes can taste top class!”, thinking about all the ways you’ve experimented watching diy food videos you started thinking up of ways to serve it to him.

“I see, that’s a good idea and I think it’ll give us some headstart for our date wouldn’t it?”, saying that he gestured you towards one of the buildings that lead to the back exit.

Walking hand in hand Satoru came to a stop which seemed like a closed off gate that was not in use anymore.

“ Why are we here? I thought the back exit was the other way around?”, confusion painted over you face you turned to face your mischievous partner.

“ you said you’d help me eat them, and I think it’s a pretty good place, don’t you?”, stepping closer he urged you to take a look around. The area didn’t have any benches, buildings or even people around and the only sound you could hear was the birds and the small artificial streams of river that flowed a few steps away from the closed off exit.

If Satoru was insinuating something you started to get the hang of it and you soon felt you face get hotter. The afternoon sun did nothing to help you cool down as you struggled to make sense of the situation. His hands were all over your body, caressing, pinching and feeling you up.

“ What’s wrong? Not up for it in semi public style?”, his breathy voice got lost in the crook of you neck where he inhaled your scent, “ you know nobody’s gonna come” with a slight push, he pinned you againt the vine-covered gate, “Except for you”.

“what the- WAIT! It’s still so bright out here not to mention we’re in PUBLIC Satoru!”, wide eyed you try to grab at his hand that was halfway done unbuttoning the top of your blouse.

“Do you want me to blindfold you?”, throwing these words nonchalantly he started licking every bit of exposed skin he could find from your ears to chest.

His mouth made contact with your covered breasts and without bothering to remove the piece of clothing he latched his mouth onto your hardened nipple to give it a gentle bite. Holding back your own moans you placed you hands on his broad shoulders, a feeble attempt at stopping him.

“How would THAT resolve anything?!” already half naked, your retorts seemed like pathetic excuses even to your own ears. It wasn’t until you heard a sharp rip that you realised your underwear was no longer on your body anymore. With a horrified look you saw your unusable underwear in Satoru’s hand.

“ I don’t think you’ll be needing these anymore my sweetness because I want to see ALL of you”, dangling the fabric from his long fingers he made a show of tucking it in his pocket. Hiking your skirt up with one hand he caressed the soft flesh with his thumbs.

“I knew you had no sense of danger but this could even get us arrested”, your reasoning seemed to fell on deaf ears as your boyfriend, already half way down on the ground, pulled his blindfold down with ease. Looking at up at you with his ethereal turquoise eyes that lied beneath strips of heavy white eyelashes, this part of his face was something you couldn’t see all the time.

“You’re beautiful……”, the genuine nature of his words felt unreal when compared to his everyday frivolous self, “at least I’ve always thought so”.

All the voices in the place except for his, got drowned out by the throbbing of your heart in your chest when he kneeled right in front of your crotch. The warm smile on his lips contradicted with his tantalizing actions but he enjoyed it precisely because of that.

“Open your legs a bit more y/n, I need more space to eat”, with his haughty smirk back he exposed more of your pussy with his fingers and dribbled the strawberry sauce over it until it started trickling down to the ground underneath it.

“This looks like a good dessert, waaay better than the one I was offered before”, making one last smartass comment he threw the now empty packet away and your sugar coated pussy was soon met with Satoru’s soft, warm tongue as he buries his face in it. His tongue worked it’s way beneath the layer of your pussy hair and down to the soft flabby skin underneath. Your natural slick combined with the dressing sauce tasted even sweeter in his mouth, the pleasant hums falling uncontrollably from his mouth made you wetter.

All the blemishes, scars and your self imposed flaws started melting into something more complete and unbreakable in its nature when you felt Satoru touching you, feeling you and tasting you from the inside and out.

His warm hands firmly gripped your thighs to lap at the soft peak in between. All the sensations his tongue was providing you made your vision turn black and your body heated up to the point of burning. The broad daylight and your exposed form added to the fear of being found out but your trust in your boyfriend outweighed everything so you let him have his way.

“ Hmmm, yeah y/n…”, the exaggeratingly loud slurping of his mouth came to a stop as he looked up at you, his pink lips glistening even more when he spoke, “Even this cheap stuff tastes better when I eat it directly from you”.

You were a panting mess, already having lost the ability to make coherent words you kept you eyes on Satoru as rose to his feet.

“ Let’s move on to the next part shall we?”, after smoothening out your skirt of you he held out his hand and your need for release took over all rhyme and reason so you put one of your shaking hand in his. The next few moments were confusing as a white light enveloped both of your forms and by the time your vision returned you found yourself in an unknown room.

The place itself was nothing out of the ordinary, some books, a cupboard and a vanity. The single bed near the curtained window was properly made. It was clearly not Satoru’s room but the neatness of the place also suggested that it wasn’t an unused room either.

“ Hey we’re are we?”, you question the white haired male when he casually made his way to switch on the lights.

“Don’t worry we’re still in the academy premises, you wanted to finish this right? And I didn’t wanted to go another second with hearing your pretty voice, so you can scream now,” his voice dangerously low, he held your arms in both of his hands and guided you to the single bed in the corner.

“ and I didn’t meant that as a request”, flat on your back you had no time for further questioning as your exposed cunt got filled to the brim in a single thrust. The stretch made you cry out and remembering Satoru’s previous warning you didn’t bother covering your mouth. The light in the room was enough for him to see all of you, even if he had all of you memorized at the back of since the first time.

Your twisted face that you’d consider ugly was nothing if not arousing to him from the kneeling position of his at the edge of the bed, endearing even at how the side of your eyes well up everytime he fucked you so hard, the creaking of the bed acted as a proof of his brutal pace that threatened to break the furniture.

Each powerful thrust of his made your entire body lurch from its position, your juices flowed endlessly down your thighs, on Satoru’s cock and down to the sheets. Your voice ricocheted off the walls and gave life to the entire building.

Having your orgasm cut off before, the anticipation that had build up made your upcoming release feel even ore intense. Your walls started clenching around his shaft, already feeling waves of ecstasy you waited for it to reach its peak.

“ Y/n...Come for me”, in between his grunts he placed on of his hand on the side of your head, lowering himself till your noses touched. Breaths intermingling, you came with a loud cry of his name. Euphoria spreaded through both of your bodies making a gush of liquid come out of your pussy when Satoru pulled out, both of your mess soiled the sheet.

Few minutes of silence passed by as a fully clothed Satoru sat beside you, stroking your head until you calmed down.

“ Hey y/n?”, abruptly his cheeky tone filled the room and you looked up at him questioningly,

“ Wanna take a pic? ya'know, as a momento”, the odd question made you come to an obvious conclusion, which now seemed obvious considering your boyfriend’s not so secret rebellious nature and with how much of a brat he can be it was nothing short of hilarious.

“ It’s Lisa’s room isn’t it?”, barely controlling your laughter you tried to pry an answer out of him, the soothing motion of his hands never coming to a stop he took out his phone with another.

“ Yeah, it is, I’d say it’s an excellent way of showing her our ‘bond’ dontcha think?”, his cringey answer made you burst into laughter. The first real smile he’d seen on your face since you got here was something Satoru wanted to be a constant thing, always there when he wanted to see it just like a still photograph.

Bending his face down his lips softly met your forehead and before you could open your eyes back up you heard the click of the camera go off.

“ Heh, so how is it?”, propping yourself up on your elbows you tried to peak at the screen but it was pulled out of sight just as quickly.

“ It’s perfect”, with a warm smile that reached all the way to his eyes Satoru put his phone down before peering into your eyes, “and it’s mine”.

[blue-n-yellow]

stranger things spoilers (also this is incredibly messy but even tho its not worded 6, i think it gets my point across? im too tired to try to edit it right now 😭)

-

im working on a bigger post analyzing the use of the heart on mikes shield in wills painting and mike being called the heart of the group but like. it’s the way that mikes relationship with el/his feelings for her directly parallels els relationship with her powers/her feelings on them.

i don’t… i don’t think we’re supposed to be saying “mike only loves el when she has powers and is using them to benefit him,” that doesn’t feel right. i think… moreso we’re supposed to look for parallels. mike didnt stop loving el *because* she lost her powers, but he struggled to show affection when she was struggling to use her powers. 

when el stopped considering herself a monster because of brenner, and acknowledged that he was fucked up in his actions, she regained control of her powers, and even came back stronger than before. to continue this parallel, mike should simultaneously be renewed in his love for el, and should define their relationship in terms of himself, how he feels about her, instead of doing what he did in season 3, and pointing out his perceived issues with other peoples treatment of el.

but…. as some people have pointed out (if you made a post like this, lmk! id love to find the post i saw about this and give credit), mikes monologue, his confession of love to el, is…. unemotional. everything he lists off about her is factual, it’s details about when they met- it’s things he already knew. he hasn’t grown or changed in how he feels about el, he hasn’t found self stability- he’s still codependent, still reliant on being els boyfriend (im assuming we’re all on the same page about this, but i can explain what i mean by this if we’re not!).

el took the lies being told to her, and all on her own, explained her side of things, added her own thoughts to it all. brenner was trying to get her powers to grow, but it was when el said “no, you’re misconstruing what happened in the lab- it’s not me, it’s you” that she truly grew.

mike took the lies being told to him (by will), and accepted them. he had 100 reasons not to, but for whatever reason (i have thoughts on this, that’s just not the point right now), he didn’t question things. he did not add his own thoughts and feelings to things. he was trying to feel more confident in his and els relationship, and wills feelings became “els, not wills” 

i worded this weird, sorry- els powers become stronger when she accepts the truth about what happened in the lab. mikes feelings for el, his ability to act in love with her, becomes stronger when he doesnt accept the truth about his and els feelings. even when he’s working with true, genuine feelings, he’s misattributing their origin, and thus his “return” of them is inherently a lie. there’s no love, no feeling, in his “response to els feelings” (the monologue, and how factual it was) because… that’s not how el feels.

again. wording is horrible i am so physically tired rn and this went so many places but… i don’t think mikes feelings for el are reliant on her powers. i don’t think her ability to use her powers directly determines whether or not mike loves her. i think instead, that there’s a parallel between el being strong enough to value and love herself in the face of her abusive parent figure, her powers being stronger when she faces the lies being told to her, and mike not being strong enough to face the lies being told to him, rather accepting them as the truth, thus worsening the lie he’s telling himself- that he’s in love with eleven (which, im of the view that mike is struggling with internalized homophobia due to his upbringing/childhood)

they’re not responsible for each other- i don’t think mikes feelings for el impacted her powers (i know, i know “but she was stronger after he confessed!” shhh. no. more on why that’s bd later), and i don’t think els powers impacted mikes feelings for her. i think that els ability to find inner strength and take the difficult road to the happy truth is represented by her relationship with her powers, and i think mikes inability to confront the easy lie which is so burdensome to live is represented by his relationship with el. el is struggling with accepting that her powers are just another part of her, and she’s not horrible for having them, and mike is struggling with accepting who he truly loves, and that his sexuality is just another part of him.

el confronts the lie she’s being told, stops telling herself it, and then her powers grow. mike accepts the lie he’s being told, keeps telling himself it, and… he and el aren’t talking, they’re just not breaking up anymore. their bond is weaker because he’s not acknowledging the truth of it, he’s living based off lies.

[gender-dropout]

I am very deeply considering about coming out to everyone in my life soon and finally being known as a Nonbinary person publicly! (a rare personal update)

It's all been sorta spurred by my recent hair change. Tonight I dyed my hair red for the second time -- the first time was the first summer after me, my siblings, and my mom were finally able to get away from my dad. I originally was thinking of just making a post on my private personal account reserved for friends, lightheartedly comparing how different I look now to when I dyed my hair for the first time. However, it made me think about how that first time was probably also the biggest step I took in reclaiming my autonomy & my control over my appearance, and eventually that line of thought evolved into my journey as a queer person. How that was such a big leap in confidence for me and it made me realize how detrimental it is that I live truthfully whenever I can.

BASICALLY I want to use this as an excuse to finally say, loudly and proudly, that I am Nonbinary! To EVERYONE! The last time I had red hair it was a milestone of healing, and of progress in my advocacy for myself. After nearly 6 years, its red again. And I feel like this is such a prime opportunity to open myself up and really DELIVER for my 15 year old self. It's like she took that first step back then, and now it's my turn to make good on the investment and take the big step, which would be to stop pushing this to the side and finally own my identity. On my own terms this time, since I never got to come out as Bi. Its a mildly complicated story, but basically I was outed in a very dangerous way to my father bc of the internet. I had dreamed every day of the time when I would get to share that side of me with my family, only to have it weaponized before I even knew what was going on. After being heartbroken and crying for years about that moment being stolen from me, I'm so overjoyed at the thought of getting a second chance.

I am a tad worried though. I'm worried about the mental and emotional energy that may come with having to explain (what little I feel like explaining) and answer questions that may or may not be asked with a genuine desire to listen to my answer. I'm worried abt the possiblity of coming out and losing the love or comfort I have with some of my favorite people. Im worried about having to stand up to them & cut ties if it comes to it. I don't know. I know that the people who react with disrespect don't deserve me or my energy anyways, but I also know it's going to hurt regardless if it comes to it. Being bi (which I have been public about for years) is different than being trans/enby. It's just not as widely accepted yet, bc it's not as easy to ignore. There's still so much unchecked transphobia out there, and I just hope that none of the people who claimed to support me decide that being trans is where they draw the line.

That all being said, I am setting rules for myself. I am absolutely not going to defend my identity for anyone. I am not going to try to convince people or do an overhaul on their belief system. If anyone dms me with questions or their two cents, and they challenge me or try to debate, I'm putting a full stop to it & they can decide for themselves whether they're gonna continue to make an ass of themselves and get ignored/blocked, or whether they're going to be more respectful in their misunderstanding & do their own work to listen, understand, and learn. I really have no interest in trying to prove that I'm worthy of decent treatment, nor do I have any interest in staying in contact with someone who wants to police me like that. The last person in my life to do that was my dad, and I haven't seen or spoken to him since... God. Probably since I was 16. So yeah. Basically, I'm not new to being scrutinized & I'm obviously not willing to put up with it.

TL;DR: a recent hair change has made me incredibly nostalgic and reignited my motivation to advocate for my truest self. I'm planning on making a public Instagram post for my family, family friends, and old friends where I'll come out as Nonbinary, and despite being very anxious about it for a lot of reasons, I've decided that anyone who fucks around will, in fact, find out (via cutting ties).

Anyways. If you read all of that, thank you. If you have any advice, coming out stories, or kind words, I'd appreciate them. I'll definitely update when/If I work up the courage to do this, and as a parting note, I'd like to say that I've discovered that red is definitely my color ❤️