#im trying to learn to accept that love
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I make amiibo chips for fun. I like to put them in coin containers with glitter, and I have offered to make my friends any amiibos they want.
I have everything I need to make the chips. I even had these grand plans for them, designed icons to put in them even, but when I went to print them... find out we are out of ink.
So I set them aside, sad and unfinished in my opinion.
Today I was making some for a coworker, for Splatoon 3 amiibos. I wanted to get them to her tomorrow, since she plays a lot and I know she really wants the gear for an upcoming event i believe (and I'm also trying to make a good impression because we're in those awkward beginning stages of friendship, and I really like her and really want to be her friend), and so I simply made them as usual with the coin cases and glitter, but opting to just put a piece of paper to label them.
I then realized something.
My own pressure and expectations of perfection have not only deprived my friends of the amiibos they want, but my own enjoyment of making them. Because to me, if they couldnt be perfect, if they weren't like the ones you could buy on Etsy, what was the point?
But I don't make these for Etsy. If i were to sell them, it'd be to people in my area, in the circles I run in. And even then, i doubt theyd expect high quality perfection from someone who just does this for fun (especially because it'd be $5. No one expects a hobbyist to be Etsy store perfect for $5)(again, assuming i'd want to charge money. I make them for fun and because i like to make people happy).
So i am simply labelling them with paper from here on out. Because why should my friends be deprived of the joy from their amiibos because I'm stressing over perfection? They dont care. They dont even know im doing the coin container-glitter thing.
All they know is their friend is making them amiibos.
And now I get to have fun doing it again.
#possum-thoughts#perfection kills#also had a conversation about disability and working as a disabled person with my MIL as I was writing this#guess who had some revelations about all that too#nothing has to be perfect#your friends dont expect you or anything you do to be perfect#they love you for who you are#im trying to learn to accept that love
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One of my favorite things about the ASL Brothers is the fact that Ace was the one brought out the sake and proposed becoming brothers.
Not Luffy or Sabo but Ace.
Ace, who believes he is unlovable, Ace who believes that his blood is dirty, Ace who believes that he didn’t deserve to be born, Ace who thinks that his life is worthless, Ace who believes that his mere existence is a crime.
And yet Ace saw these two boys and approached them without apprehension or fear of rejection even though he was proposing something as irrevocable, something as bonding as brotherhood
#not to mention ace had these thoughts bc this is how the WORLD sees him#that world put these thoughts into his head and made him believe that#but sabo and luffy only see him. not gol d. or even portgas d. but just ace.#the way ace knew that they wanted this just as much as he did#like he is theirs and they are his and he knew that#i remember learning that ace proposed it and being *so surprised*#cause we had just seen that ace had no self worth and hated himself#but he knew that they accepted him and that they wanted him in their lives#and he decided to make it permanent#they are his family. they are his safe place. they love him unconditionally.#DO YOU GUYS GET WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY#goddd these brothers make me so ill#it’s 2am so if this doesn’t make sense that’s why#i am thinking so many thoughts#i’ll probably delete this later#portgas d. ace#asl brothers#one piece#concha speaks#asl rambles#concha posts
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Vi is gifted kid burnout but in the english major way
#she’s the best characterization I’ve seen of gifted kid burnout outside of super-genius characters#like. as a burnt out gifted kid by legal designation. she is me#trying to succeed at everything because that’s what you’re told to do or what you think needs to be done to be worth anything to anyone#being rigid to change because it’s not being done right but at the same time accepting change so long as people stay with you#and also how that ties in with being an eldest sibling#because ik folks love the whole ‘gifted kid jinx’ thing (not me but ya’ll do you) but ya’ll—#YA’LL DO NOT UNDERSTAND MY NEED FOR BURNT OUT ACADEMIC VI—#because Vi never got the chance to be a kid and learn and grow and find what she actually enjoyed in the world outside of the last drop crew#but look at her. the way she speaks and the way she tried to teach powder the lessons she earned the hard way in the gentlest way possible#in the way she so desperately clings on to people and memories#my girl would be a WRITER#my girl would be writing poetry drunk in her shitty basement apartment after hooking up with a girl#my girl would be writing novellas in prison and getting her degree#because you know she sees the world like a romantic. her world is art and emotion and devotion. to her family. to anything she cares about#i need more literary! student vi. i need more academic vi. i need more grudging debate-team captain vi#i need vi getting her own place and having an extensive book collection that she develops because of the loneliness#Her gkb is going from a leader & soldier to someone who could be useful regardless to someone who is useless & being okay w/ it ->#to being needed again and not knowing how to handle it but knowing she refuses to fuck it up this time#GIVE ME VI W/ MY GIFTED KID ARCCCCCC#this probs makes no sense and is like 4 tangents but I’ll expand on it later ‘cause im tired#coherency is for losers and the well-rested#vi arcane#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane spoilers#arcane season two#vi
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happy anniversary to all the friendships where we truly thought we could make it through together
#moen art#moen sona#the slow acceptance that oh. im going to spend the majority of my life by myself is making me feel things okay#friends that ended up in fights into no contact into drifting no matter how much we went through together i still love you#learning to try to be okay with like. an empty apartment in the future and. mm#i think the anniversary for the ones where they raised me passed recently this month aha we kinda forgot to wish eachother this year and th#last#yk these drawings all started cause i just wanted to hug emmet its insane HAHA#DOMT GET ME WRONG IM OUT OF SO MANY SHITHOLES NOW#its more of. life is so peaceful now but i wish it wasn't cause it could also be harrowingly silent and empty
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I'll be fine it's just 4am and I'm tired and I haven't been eating well and I'm sore and
#sorry im going to bitch in the tags i genuinely wish i could afford therapy but this is the best ive got#im so tired of feeling fundamentally unlikeable and worthless. im tired of feeling pitied. and i know its because im broken#there are people that love me and its not enough and i feel disgusting for it not being enough because i want it to be enough so badly#but im also not enough. and nothing i can be is enough. i cant be healthy enough or kind enough or grateful enough or good enough#i throw my struggles at people so i can have acknowledgement that they exist and its disgusting#i try desperately to be desired and its disgusting#how am i supposed to live a life like this. how the fuck will i ever learn to live differently#how can i expect anyone to stay with this. to love it. how can i accept that i know people who will#that their caring isnt because ive lied to them but because they see it and they understand#how the hell. how am i. what am i supposed to. i barely even have a name. what the hell am i. alone.#alone and so fucking tired.
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Not a day goes by that I don't think about how the Boiling Isles' complete lack of LGBTphobia effects how witches perceive sexuality and gender. Like it's not the only factor but I feel like the fear of societal judgement and internalized prejudice is a huge obstacle in discovering your own orientation.
So with that whole part avoided, I'm imagining that in the process in the Demon Realm is??? Much smoother sailing??? Like you might be a little confused at first but there's no shame tied to that confusion. Nobody is pressured into deciding on a label for themselves because labels don't exist. Thinking you're into boys for a while until realizing you're a lesbian is nbd here. Neither is thinking you're a lesbian and then realzing you're bi. Nobody judges you. Nobody cares. I just think it may provide you with a lot of clarity that you simply couldn't get in the Human Realm.
I've always headcanoned that while straight is considered the "default" in the Human Realm, most witches just assume they're bi/pan until they discover otherwise. (And not in a "bi-normativity" way, which is, wow, a terrible word I just made up there. But more in a "idk what gender I'm into yet. Or any at all. So I'll just say everybody for the moment" way.)
But I feel like, even if there's confusion, a good percentage of witches actually somehow figure themselves out relatively early. Like they'll be little kindergarten girls in Amity's library group who have not experienced romantic attraction yet but they already know that if they're ever gonna get married, it's gonna be another girl, cause nobody ever told them they couldn't. Some figure it out as preteens. Some are teens. It's probably one of the chillest aspects of maturing for them.
It's why I'm so interested in Hunter's little bi patch on his jacket and I love thinking about how he brought himself to this conclusion. Just thinking about a sheltered brainwashed kid like Hunter who feels deeply ashamed over so much about himself but his opinion in regards to sexuality has always being like "yeah boy, girl, neither, whatever, I don't care, I'm too busy hitting bad guys with my stick."
So when Luz finally explains to him and the other kids what sexualities even are, with the names and flags and everything, he just says "Bi" then and there, completely unfazed. This is bonkers to me. I think it's the best headcanon ever. He really does not care. Nobody ever told him that he should. But that being said, he sure does love having a little pride flag. Imagine living your whole life loving scrambled eggs. It's just another mundane part of you. But then suddenly you're transported to a world where you're celebrated for loving scrambled eggs. You've got your own little "I <3 scrambled eggs" badge of honor. You don't understand it. But it makes you feel very special and important. I imagine that's how Hunter feels with his little bi pride patch on his sweater.
#im not trying to cook i swear#im just thinking thoughts#anyway i mostly just mentioned hunter but i love thinking about the other kids too#how they reacted to pride flags and all that. its such a cute thought#i would say that it sucks that they will probably eventually learn about homophobia but#i have a very stubborn headcanon that luz has TRIED to break the news to them about homophobia but they straight up Do Not Believe Her#it just sounds way too ridiculous to them so theyre CONVINCED shes fucking with them#so theyre having a GREAT time in their little world where lgbt pride is universally accepted#gus got so excited over flags!!!#willow chose the pan label for herself because she thinks it fits her but also she likes the funky colours
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I try to not be hater, but then I see the stupid takes and get madddddd
This is just what I feel every single time I see those shitty opinions
youtube
#WELL ACTUALLY YOU'RE WRONG BC IF OCHAKO SAID SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH DEKU WE NEED TO FOCUS ON THAT WHICH MEANS SHE'LL CONFESS TO HIM#THIS IS FORESHADOWING FOR THEIR RELATIONSHIP U R JUST GASLIGHTING YOURSELF BC HER ARC WAS PARTIALLY ABOUT LEARNING TO LET HERSELF LOVE HIM#tf you mean ppl are still making this fight about deku???#“she said she fell in love with him we win!” tf? it wasn't a reveal#much like the story with her parents we already knew that- this was about opening up to himiko so she could understand her better#and the way it was portrayed confirms this; we pointed out in the manga ochako's face being covered by her hair bc it means we shouldn't fo#focus on that rather than her next statement -she's there as herself not as a hero#this is her being selfish and open in order to reach out to himiko's sadness#and yet ppl are trying so hard to focus on the thing we weren't meant to focus on#and even taking away the deku memory they still made it about him#“ochako is jealous oh toga expressing her love which means she wants to confess to izuku too!!”#SHE LITERALLY SAID SHE ENVIES HOW HONEST SHE IS WITH HER FEELINGS AND SHOULDNT HIDE HER LOVE NOR FACE LIKE HER PARENTS TOLD HER#SHE SAYS SHE WANTED TO AT LEAST TELL HIMIKO HOW LOVELY HER SMILE IS#TO THE POINT OF WANTING TO BE LIKE HER IN THIS WAY#THIS ISNT HER BEING JEALOUS OF HER TELLING DEKU SHIT OR YEARNING TO CONFESS#THE EPILOGUE CONFIRMS THE FEELINGS SHE WAS HIDING WERE ABOUT GRIEF AND FAILURE AS A HERO#YOU DONT HAVE TO BE A TOGACHAKO IN ORDER TO UNDERSTAND THIS#CANT WE FUCKING ENJOY F/F CANON CONTENT FOR ONCE WITHOUT SOMEONE SAYING#GRRRRGRGRGRGRGGRGRGRGR#WE FINISHED HER ARC AND IT WAS ABOUT HER LETTING HERSELF GET HELP WITHOUT FEELING LIKE SHE MUST BE LESS OF A HERO#ABOUT HER GRIEVING AND WANTING TO DO MORE TO HELP SOMEONE ABOUT HER NOT WANTING TO HURT OTHERS WITH HER FEELINGS#DONT YOU UNDERSTAND HEROISM IS THE LEAST ROMANTIC THING FOR A FUCKING HERO NERD#DONT YOU UNDERSTAND???? SHE DOESNT ACCEPT ANY OF HER FEELINGS LIKE HIMIKO DID#AND WHILE THEY TALK ABOUT THE BOYS THEY LIKED ITS NOT ABOUT THEM ITS ABOUT THE GIRLS FINDING SUPPORT IN EACH OTHER#PICTURE ONE OF THOSE FEMALE RAGE COMPILATION VIDEOS#I think they can easily get terfy and im not even a woman but the screaming is the vibe of this post#grrr being a hater#Youtube
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Actually I have just now decided I really like Luke (I just gave him mommy issues ☠️ and it worked)
#erm to explain he rly loves his mom and they always laugh around n hes a golden child n share (almkst) everything w each other#except shes always asking if hes gonna get a girlfriend ahy time soon and luke already knows shes pretty conservative so hes afraid of how#shell react to him dating zander so he doesnt say at first.#and hes afraid of burdening her w worries cuz she already has a lot on her back like her job all day n night and has been stressing recentl#so luke worries him being pan might “overburden” her even more#and so he takes the chore of.cooking n cleaning around the house n such and shes always super thankful#overall very loving but conservative and anxious n tired which makes him afraid of what shell see on hom. what hell lose#then one day he actually does mention how hes dating Xander. n his suspicions were correct cuz dhe gets pretty confused and mad#so he runs away to zanders home and asks if he can stay over w a smile trying yo hide his pain#and the wickhams n austins are pretty confused but they let him in#UHM do u get me#luke peterson#and from that day on he either A) grows distant from his mom and griefs losing everything they had but has to accepy that loss and learn to#be himself rather than pretend to be someoke for someone else (tying into the whole theme of the show being accepting yourself)#or B) his mom starts putting genuine effort into changing n understanding him after she sees how much hes hurt#tying into the shows message of people changing and growning and owning up to their mistakes#tmf luke#luke tmf#im cringe af#toki rambles#in the tags#tmf#the Music freaks#freakblr
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do you care about him
#I AM INSAAAAANNEEEEEEE#SHAKES U AND CRIES AND SCREAMS#READ DUNGEON MESHI AND FALL IN LOVE WITH HOLM AND DRAW HIM IN SITUATIONS AND SHOW MEEEEE#I LOVE HIM SOOOO MUCH#BANGS HEAD AGAINST WALL WHY IS HE SOOOOO 💕🧡💓🤍💝💖💜💘💛💚❣️💞#im trying to draw more traditional art practicing w that thing about only using ink pen and not pencil so i cant erase#it IS working which makes me mad cuz ive avoided doing it for so long bcs im so dependent on erasing and im such a perfectionist#but i need to learn to accept mistakes and LET THEM BE and continue drawing#i need to make 1000 bad drawings in a day instead of one good drawing in a whole month cuz it will REALLY help me improve#anyways smiles PLEASE BE INSANE WITH ME ABOUT HOLM#vanya strawberry flavored#dunmeshi#my art
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okay but why do people get so goddamn upset when you say that you dislike kids/being around kids???? i'm pretty sure no one is saying that kids should just straight up stop existing, or that kids shouldn't be allowed in any public place ever. when most people say they don't like kids it means that they're sick of hearing screaming for an hour and a half in the local walmart because some kid's parent won't buy them a ps5. they mean they're sick of hearing cocomelon on full blast while waiting in the purgatory that the checkout line. they're sick of nearly running a kid over with a shopping cart because said kid's idea of fun is laying on the floor in the middle of the aisle and their parent can't be bothered to tell them to get up. that's what people mean when they say they dislike kids.
no one (at least, no one i've ever heard of) is trying to physically accost children simply for existing in a public place. no one is trying to argue that children shouldn't exist, or be allowed in public places. i feel like some of you are forgetting that "man im 5 seconds away from killing this [x]" is a figure of speech and not actual homicidal ideation. god motherfuckin damn. get a grip
#scary crane rambles#not fandom#let's get serious#like. im sorry you desperately want to project your trauma onto random kids in the supermarket#but im pretty sure rolling on the floor and trying to climb the shelves aren't exactly Acceptable Supermarket Activities™#also does ''let kids be kids'' also extend to destructive temper tantrums??#if someone's straight up screaming at their kid in public for doing a little spin its one thing (and its also bad btw)#but if your coworker gets fed up with hearing several hours of screaming induced by tfw no ps5 i think its reasonable#also. there are literally places dedicated to kids having fun. are you guys aware of that#and none of them are the supermarket. none of them are the local walmart. hate to say it but its true#please for the love of god learn what a playground is. learn what a park is.#not trying to say you should leave your kids unattended there whenever you go shopping btw#im just saying there are in fact places for kids to have fun that arent the local walmart
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happy ace week to all the aces that were actually horrified/devastated to realize they were ace. btw.
I love u.
#asexual#asexual week#aegosexual#demisexual#i am speaking to all under the umbrella im just at work and have to be quick with tags sorry loves#if u got euphoria or validation or happy emotions on ur discovery congrats!!! super glad for u honestly#personally though i legitimately wanted to kms lowkey#like it was so incomprehensibly devastating to me#gritting my teeth and learning to accept myself whether i want to or not#idk it just seems like everyone else was relieved to hear it or something to that effect#it was just the 'first' (read: first one to be recognized) lgbt identity i ever found myself in#and yet even with everyone i see talking about experiences that ive never related more strongly to i still feel very Othered for it#i simply cant share in the joy. or at least im trying very hard to.#idk. im whiny.#brainworm posting
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I just really didn't think that America as a whole would be dumb enough to go back for round 2. like did the trump voters actually have a good time during his last term?? i thought everyone was just humouring him by letting him get this far
#i legit didnt think this would happen#i know your experience and perception of the world will always be influenced and decided by your immediate circles etc#but i rly thought America knew he was batshit unhinged#especially with the amount of republican leaders jumping ship and endorsing Kamala Harris#and everyone else sending out the message that it was country over party - that trump threatened democracy#i just rly thought he didnt have a chance so this is truly shocking to witness#im going to withhold too much devastation for now bc i cannot carry the weight of all the suffering i learn of and witness#but i will be pissed as shit if i hear fellow aussies celebrating or condoning any of his fuckin policies#bc i will not accept anyone trying to mimic or invite Trump's policies in Australia#australia loves to kiss america's ass but rn America is a fiery dumpster and we dont need to burn too#we have an election next yr and i s2g if anyone tries to bring back the libs or give a voice to one nation then i hope they choke
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...
#ever sit like a corpse in your own body?#im doing a job i wasnt designed for. theres this funny thing we do in academia where we beg for money. write in consise phrasing why we#deserve funding. what it is about our project what it is about our personhood that makes us deserving. what we're doing in our present to#give back and ensure a better future. and i can pull together a description of a nervous kid who couldn't read but loved to learn anyway.#who didnt kno how to hold proper a conversation until college and so tried and got better at ppl. who wouldnt let a language problem get in#the way of information gain. who cares about making complicated info visually digestible. and that's a nice story. but it falls apart when#projected into the future. what r u doing for the future? im just trying to continue existing#dont u want to help other ppl like u? sure but i dont have anything nice to say to them. does it ever get easier? no. it probably never will#ur brain was not built for reading. sometimes things r just terrible and u have to accept that. develop a crippling mental disorder or do#something where u dont have to read. see. not helpful. bad attitude. im just too full of blood and broken glass. all my achievements r#stained red and it hurts to look at them. to get myself to function i have to squeeze so tight i can feel the strain in my head. and even#then its not enough. do u kno what its like to spend ur whole life building something only to watch it burn to ashes in front of u? just a#broken machine rotting away underground where no one will see it. but dont let things fester. speak up if somethings wrong. and say what?#lmao i wrote this last night and then today when my advisor was like: hows it going? do u feel like u have enough time to get everything#done? and i had the gall to be like *voice strained high to prevent crying* its alright i think ive got enough time. bc yea technically i#think there r enough hours in yhr day that if i really tried i could get it all done. but that doesn't count the time i spend laying with#thr absolute desolation of my mind. so no. there isnt enough time bc im not doing well. but there's nothing he can do abt it so ya kno#whats the point in talking abt it except to say ya sorry im such a wretched miserable person. i dont kno how to fix it. my enthusiasm is#hidden under layer upon layer of pain. i burnef out before even getting here and im only making it worse#but whatever ill see my therapist Tuesday#unrelated
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it only lasted like 5 pages but I really prefer dustfinger's scars being disfiguring rather than "drawn on with a pencil"
#meggie being like 'looks like you got attacked by godzilla' then 'i didnt mean that' when shes less pissed at him later#i WOULD have accepted that as part of meggie's coming-of-age and learning she needs to not be a bitch about people's appearances#except that everyone else in the series from then on agrees w her that the scars are barely noticeable#boring!!!!#would have been nice for her to be like 'yeah you healed rough (i mean. as well as expected considering you probably had 6 total stitches)#but im growing up out of practical isolation and learning that facial differences dont play a part in whether someone is good or bad:-)'#WHICH!! is a belief i would expect from someone who loves roald dahl and jekyll n hyde which she does#whatever ms funke does have a problem with equating happy endings with being abled and ~looking normal~#resa getting her voice back bc shes good but cockerall getting a limp bc hes bad and darius losing his stutter for some reason#violante's skin clearing up bc people realize shes a sweetheart but balbulus losing a hand when we realize he sucks#and dustfinger's fkcing scars changing in severity depending on whether hes the good guy or bad guy in the scene#bleh#i also headcanon he has p bad nerve damage aint no way basta cut so deeply he looked freshly gored for months afterward#and still has full use of his facial muscles#meggie's like 'never seen anyone that smiles like he does' girl the bottom half of his face is not connected to the top anymore hes trying#also good explanation for why hes always touching his face if he cant fkcing feel it#dustfinger#inkheart#im gonna try so hard to make more inkheart posts i literally feel grief in my heart seeing that person say#they havent thought about it in years#it's my sole responsibility to fix this#says kenna
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#'sont trust your feelings after 4 pm!' yeah yeah yeah but its nearly 5 am and i just learned i might be failing yet another class#and im starting to feel the wish to drop out of university#text everyone either im sorry i stopped talking to them but i love them if i ended up going mia for them#or texting my newer friends im sorry i didnt know them for long and i wish i knew them longer and that i love them too#walk into the woods. and well. you know. i dont have to go into detail.#and now im crying <3#my living situation is going to be so unbearable because no explanation incan give will be acceptable#o just didnt try haed enkugh. k never do#im just gonna fucking continue to lie to every mental health professional.#also id say im calling it a night but im specifically purposefully staying up for the rest of the night as punishment#i dont get to sleeeep#i do not care if i have to work or drive tomorrow :)#i dont even think i can make it to the end of the month at this point#sorry folks
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i used to not care about patcap (because i dont ship it/see it) but i have been thinking about them a bit and it led me on a Path™ and i think ill continue not caring for them because i caught a glimpse of what this could awaken in me and i Don't Like that at all im not strong enough yet (its a lie i think im already beginning to care for them)
#i try not to think about cap too much in general because he's perfect projection material and im too repressed to dare Think too much. and#the mere thought of him being loved for the first time and having to Learn how to love and be loved and having to accept it and making#efforts to break free from the shell he locked himself into (because allowing yourself to be and to love demands great effort sometimes)#and experiencing the insane feeling of being SEEN for the first times.......no that shit is sending me into orbit#not gonna think about all that thank you very much#.txt#@ anon who asked me for some patcap i think you might end up turning me into a patcap shipper
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