#im trying something new and im TERRIFIED
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lexxfiles · 1 year ago
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joanofexys · 6 months ago
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someone teach me how to use kt tape especially for my knees please i am begging how the fuck does this stuff work
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nintendont2502 · 5 months ago
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on one hand. it's deeply funny how whenever I'm in a new situation/I'm busy my bodies just like yeah we don't need food right it's fineee and then I barely eat because I forget to/don't feel like it. on the other hand I would really like to. yk. try more Japanese food while I'm here? like cmon man work with me here
#its like#im not not eating yk#ive been living off seven eleven sandwiches and onigiri#and a shit ton of drinks while I'm out#i think its a combo of like#a. me kinda shifting into the same mindset i get at cons where its just go go go make the most of it do everything you can eat and feel like#shit when you get home#b. food expensive. not that expensive but it feels like a cost yk#c. shit ton of unfamiliar food and again. dont want to waste money on something i wont like. my ass is bad with certain textures and tastes#i feel bad getting boring western food bc migjt as well try something new while im here right but also all the new stuff scares me#d. going anywhere that isnt a self serve conbini/fast food place is uh. terrifying? idk.how to do that#e. i just forget food is a thing i need#idk im bad with food in general#hashtag autism thingss#but i think theres just a lot of compounding factors that lead to more stress around this#(new country so new things so i dont know if ill like them but i need to try them while im here bc i migjt never get to again and then ill#regret it forever but idk how but i cant just keep going to the same two or three places but going anywhere else takes forever ajd feels#like a waste of time but-)#so my brain just kinda goes. lmaao yeah no and then avoids thinking abt it?#or maybe im just overthinking it who fuckin knows#probably overthinking. and oversharing#lol. lmao even#idk im not really a huge food person anyway? still seems like a waste ig#drinks are fucking incredible tho#and hey im getting hydrated while im walkong aroind thats more than i usually get#imngonna. shut up jow#me.txt
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deeisace · 8 months ago
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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 10 months ago
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RATS are NOT your friends at night while you're reading a scary book
#so if you didnt know. rats are nocturnal#so its 2am where i am rn. my room is pitch dark because i have my blinds shut#and im reading a scary book. lots of spooky creatures and body horror and haunted shit#and my rats. are knocking shit over and chewing on things and generally being menaces#or theyll go silent for a minute abd i think theyre chilling and then all of a sudden theyll drop a toy or something#and scare the shit out of me#they use their spooky little hands to climb on the bars of their cage. and they use their spooky little teeth to aggressively eat kibble#and i gave them new toys today. these edible foraging toys that they love#but that means my room is full of the sound of pulling on bars. or the clicking of a water bottle. or chewing. so muvh chewing#and im reading about this dead body come back to life. with like all of her bones broken. killing a guy in the most grotesque way#and its altogether a very bad experience#i was bored for the first 70ish pages but then it got really fucking good and im hooked. but its also terrifying#the rats have gone silent but now my dog is shifting in his kennel outside my room#both are terrifying. why are my rats silent. why is my dog moving. when will he move next#these animals are harassing me. whats next. my sibling's rabbit is going to break in? in roommate's cat will start scratching at the door?#if my landlord is reading this then ignore all of these tags. we only have a dog sir. no rodents or felines or whatever tf a rabbit is here#ah the rats are making sounds again. terrible horrifying sounds#i have to piss but im scared to get out of bed. i think i live here now. in bed. i cant leave#on a somewhat related note i really want to make deviled eggs rn but i have roommates that are trying to sleep#on one hand i miss living alone. on the other it makes me feel safer to have two other people here with me#even if the threat is only my imagination#and my mischievous critters
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rabitzzz · 2 years ago
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avoiding talking to my fp about feelings by ignoring them again peace and love on planet earth
#vent post#sorry i just#' let me be selfish this once ' i . always try#i dont know how to convince her that im not leaving#anytime i express happiness that fp2 talked to me ( which ties into a fear that i have about fps not speaking to me for days at a time )#( thanks jay )#he gets upset and immediately thinks ive just . replaced her as someone special in my life#when honestly at this point i dont think i could ever live without him ? really ??#i dont know what i can do to finally make her realize that no matter what im literally still always talking to him at the end of the day#even when we fight even if someone else had my attention even when i have a partner thats not him#i dont know what to do and its scary and people are so terrifying i dont want her upset over me time and time again#he really needs to find a new fp or just try not to care about me so much because 1 ) im not something that should be cared about in the -#- first place and 2 ) i clearly just keep directly upsetting her over and over so im not good for him whatsoever#even if im not doing it on purpose he splits directly because of me and when i split at her its because ive let things stack up without -#- handling them for too long so its more like misdirected rage because im such a high strung person#i dunno man im just#one of my fps hardly talks to me and the other is too attached to me im stuck in a hell of my own creation#might call the crisis line again its such a time#man i so totally really love december nothing bad EVER happens in december !!!!
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caffeinatedopossum · 2 years ago
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I've always really wanted to make music (almost all of the 250 notes on my phone are lyrics I've been compiling for months and there were hundreds more on my other phones that are lost forever now) but I've been so scared and idk why. I should just do it because I think I'll regret not doing it but there's so many things I'm scared of.
I feel overwhelmed when people talk about making music and it sounds so hard and like their process is so intense and requires so much knowledge and equipment and and *insert x thing they need here* and I'm over here, recording a bit of audio on my phone and trying my best with pre-made instrument loopers on a free app. Idk, it's like somehow people convinced it can't be easy or I'm doing it wrong and I honestly still don't know if they were right or not
#im also so scared about people not liking my music#but also scared of people liking it too#its like i dont want people i know to hear it i think because their opinions matter too much to me maybe#im scared people i know will like it and actually really listen and realize im talking about myself and see me differently or smthn#its not that theyll see me differently... its that theyll see me at all#thats a terrifying thought#but sometimes i also wonder if some stranger on the internet will listen to a song- maybe just once or twice#but for a small moment theyll be there with me in a way#getting lost in what the song feels like and appreciating it#maybe it will be the shitty song someone shows their friends when they pass the aux#maybe as an artist I'll be some small treasure to a few people. something that they feel they can keep forever even tho it isnt me#idk i like those thoughts i think. i dont want to be famous or anything i just kind of want it to be recorded#i want to be able to be seen even i dont ever decide i want that#i want to make something that i love now and in 5 years listen back on and go 'wow this sucked ass lmao. good for him'#i want to know something and i dont know what it is but i feel like if i keep digging and writing and exposing myself#and thinking and trying and making things... maybe I'll be able to give form to some new concept#maybe ill put it into words- what i really want to say but dont know how to. maybe ill make something out of these abstractions and chaos#and most of all... maybe I'll actually enjoy it too
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mainfaggot · 11 months ago
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in conclusion, I have no choice but to try to recover again. or else another two years will pass me by and I'll be so fucking tired
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bunnyb34r · 2 years ago
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Goddamb man I am fucking TIRED
Was so clenched up driving on the highway (fucking merge lanes/multiple routes converging) that my shoulders are KILLING me 😭 I need $200, 6 advil, a massage ASAP sgdgdgdg
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago
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...
#*problems occur on a project multiple ppl r working on* my boss @ me: what do u wanna do?#me. disastrously burnt out: i couldnt not even to give a fuck abt all this. i dont care i dont care i dont care#but thats not what i say. i say ok ill talk to the ppl and see how i can drop everything to help. and that probably means driving an hour#away to the other uni which is irrationally terrifying to me to the point where it will probably destroy my whole week a prevent me from#sleeping when i already am struggling to sleep. but its fine. ill get it done and itll be fine. for this stupid fucking project i dont#care abt. ay its so weird. ive never been this angry abt things. i mean its not even really anger its more dispair and frustration but it#manifests as just wanting to scream and throw a fit like a toddler. and i mean its my fault. i dont have to live the way that i do. i mean#i do but in an irrational compulsive way that i cant entirely control. but like its Saturday and i sepent 6 and a half hours taking#measurements and then met with my boss for like an hour and she was showing me cool imagines and talking abt cool new collaborators at her#new school and im just sitting there trying to maintain a smile bc my brain is semi disconnected from my body and im so exhausted#ugh. my brain is so fucked rn. i dont want to drive with even lower functioning thsn usual. and i was gonna meet my friend Tuesday morning#for once. and i might have to drive back and forth multiple days. ans what's my reward if were successful? two fucking weeks of watering#and measurement taking and i might have to stand around other ppl in all that time as well. usually im off spinning in circles by myself#amd looking unapproachable. i dont want to have to b a person around the undergrads#god im so weird. its like from the outside perspective if u were looking thru the window at me u would see me using a hammer and assume im#putting something together and i am but im also hammering nails thru my hand which no one asked me to do#so then why do i have to do it? ugh. thats y its a hard thing to complain abt bc ppl r like oh it sounds like ur compulsive habbits make u#productive and successful and yea sure but they're also destroying my life. im laying on the floor doubled over in pain and ppl r like oh#look how useful u r. who gives a fuck everything feels stretched and distorted like im suffering some sort of selfimposed Devin punishment#whatever. fuck this. tomorrow ill try my hardest to relax. literally i cant remember the last time i stayed in bed until at least 7am. ugh#but i also have some bullshit i have to get done tomorrow so well see#uuuuuugh let me leave this place @ schools send me ur official offers pls i wanna plan out my life for the next 5yrs#unrelated
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local-magpie · 8 months ago
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you're all cowards acting like you don't want this to happen
It’s been two years since the great gatsby entered the public domain and Netflix hasn’t even made a horrible miniseries adaptation where they are all hot and gay and racially diverse but in a totally hollow meaningless unsexy way. We used to live in society
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29121996 · 3 days ago
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will breach my contract if i discuss this on my twt but um <3
#im still . nervous to talk abt tgis bc i dont Understand Anyrhing and im fucking Terrified#like . So Terrified. of how i feel n . ruining Something#n i know yhsts the Entire Lesson i have to learn rn also <3#but idk how to just stop being afraid bc idk what im even rlly afraid of .#but theres a boy on my couch. and i dont Like ? what . all of this is doing ti me#i gotta say he smells really fjcking good n its Killing Me. like i spent a good 20minutes dorcing#myssld.to Focus on what he was saying bx . all i could thibk abt eas how good he actually smwlt n how#insane ir was making me n what i was feeling (dawg . i want him tk fuck me so bad im not even fonna deny it !)#and . i dont . i just#theres So Much Going on i xannot figurs it out but i oddly . have a mhch clearer view as long as That fucker stays away#bc . therss detachment n i want nothing to do w him. but literallt only bc im retalking to . the guy aho#luterally was the 1st person i slept with. so its . uhm.#im . hhhhhhhhhhh abt so mhch rn im gonna be real and i just .#idk what to do abt any of this and im just . okay !#anyway im scared of whatll happen when he wakes up bc this placd is awful <3#i mean im gonna try n clean some of it today before i Go Out#theres a 6hr window i can clean in. watch what i can get done <3#but fuck man. hes actived so much of my old negativs traits#that its not like i forget they existed its just . i forgot how bad n deeo this shit could run#bc its not smth ive been faced with In a While . ik im obsessive but this is a new level ro it but one i am familar with#like all of this im feeling rn ive walked this patg before . its not New . but what is new is my abikity to fucking catch this shit !#and try to Not . do my old fuckign nullshit thinking (bc i cant stop my actions if i cant even stop my rhought patterns. actions will#come later bc i dont act impulisvely inntgjs shit anymore . i am truly reserved <3#but . i dont like how i feel bc i dont get it n i cant ait to talk abt this tmr in theraoy ohhh#ohhhhhhhh my fucking GODDDDD.
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cinnabeat · 4 months ago
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finally went inside the southern observatory and ngl that was kinda anticlimactic
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lyubochka · 4 months ago
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OK so ur a transmisogynist. Good to know!
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sure, whatever. believe whatever u want at this point. u can have this one thing if it makes u feel better
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toughluckbb · 8 months ago
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one day i will be strong enough to actually say how i feel
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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 9 months ago
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Tw animal death
I just lost one of my pet rats and I need to talk about it I guess
I just didn't expect this. He's been doing better, eating and drinking and moving around the cage. Last night I let myself believe for a moment that he would get better. But then I checked on him this morning and he was gone. I let his brother see him, and once he lost interest I took him out. But once I held him in my arms I just couldn't let him go. Because that's my baby. He's my baby and I love and miss him so much and I don't know what to do.
I got him and his brother from a friend because she had to move to an apartment that didn't accept pets and her family couldn't take them, so I took them because I was moving and wanted some critters to accompany me. And they were the best things that ever happened to me. Taking care of them and loving them was one of my favorite parts of life. I missed them while I was at work and couldn't wait to get home and let them out for free roam time. And now one is gone, and I have to tell my friend and I don't know how to. Text or call, what to say, anything.
He's in a little box with a couple toys, some goldfish crackers (his favorite snack) and a piece of hammock (he loved snuggling with his brother in a hammock). And I had to decide how to take care of my baby. I live in the city with no green spaces and no yard. When planning I thought I could just put him out with the trash, but holding him after he was gone made me completely unable to do that. I checked some rat groups on Facebook and they recommended burying him in a plant pot, so that's what I'm going to. As soon as I'm okay enough to leave my room I'm gonna go to the plant shop and get him a beautiful plant in a nice big pot. And I wanted something to keep of him, and to give to his old owner if she wants it, so I took some of his fluff and put it in a little jar meant to hang on a necklace and I'll mail it if she wants it.
I just needed to say all of this to process it ig. I wouldn't mind some nice words or pictures of your pets, if you're willing to share. Otherwise, I hope you all have a wonderful day.
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