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corruptedplaylist · 9 months ago

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act iii: final notes

edit: 4/9/2024: added some more stuff!!! i'll put this emoji 🫧 next to the new things so u know where to scroll.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH I FINISHED MY FIRST FULL LENGTH FIC HOLD ON LEMME JUST THROW UP IN THE CORNER REAL QUICK

i am sooooooo normal rn anyways let's get into it thank u for having me on the show, mr. kimmel. i've had a raging headache all day so the content underneath each sections will be kinda short. i'll go through and add more to it once i recover but i wanted to get this up before the week got too busy!

krolia

guys…. im so sorry for the angst….. it was necessary for the plot…….

maybe it’s just me projecting but in the actual show, i kind of wish we had seen more of the emotional fallout that occurred after krolia revealed that she was keith’s mom. because let’s be real here, there’s no way that keith’s traumatized ass would just willingly accept her back into his life. he’d have questions. he’d be in disbelief. it’s hard for him to open up to others and he carries a lot of hurt from being abandoned.

it was crucial in the course of this fic to have that confrontation between krolia and keith. it's not always going to be rainbows and sunshine, and even though they both missed each other deeply, you don't just automatically connect and forget everything that's happened. even if keith hadn't gone into the foster system, he definitely would have carried a lot of anger and hurt towards krolia when she shows back up. i'm sure that things won't just be smooth sailing and they'll need to hash things out multiple times as they rebuild their relationship but that first fight was a big hurdle to get over.

if you’re curious, i have a whooollleeee backstory for what happened with krolia and why she couldn’t get back to her kid. i couldn’t really fit it into the fic but i’ll put it right here for those who are interested:

2000: krolia in the US on student visa, first year of of PhD program

krolia meets heath and they fall in love

2003: krolia gives birth to keith

2008: krolia finishes grad school/PhD program/doctoral degree and applies for a work visa

2009: she and heath and baby keith are living their life but krolia’s parents find out and are like girl you need to come home NOW or we will disown you

krolia’s family are really wealthy and powerful

krolia: i’ll come back for you guys idk how but i will

krolia goes back to the states

2009-2011: she and heath write letters but then the letters start getting intercepted by the family and eventually peters out

krolia in arranged marriage and thinks her partner forgot about her or didn’t care

meanwhile heath doesn’t know what happened to krolia but can’t do anything about it bc she’s in a diff country and he doesn’t speak korean

2011: heath and keith move to texas for job or whatever

heath tells keith all about krolia and how she loves him but can’t be there and obvi that fucks keith up bc he misses his mom but where tf is she? how does he know she loves him if she’s not even there? he's a little kid

2013: heath dies and keith is put into the system

heath has no other family members

krolia put her english name on the birth certificate and so ofc she doesn’t exist in the US

texas social services try to reach out to krolia along with some friends but letters are intercepted

2016: someone reaches out to krolia after she finally gets facebook

friend: thinking of you. miss you. so sorry about heath

krolia: …. what the fuck about heath?

friend: uhhhhhhhh

krolia goes on rampage to her family like wtf u mean u didn’t tell me that the father of my child is dead

cousin shows up with the intercepted letters (official notice from social services, heath’s letters and pictures, keith’s little notes and drawings)

krolia starts the process of legally and financially emancipating herself from her family (she basically was Britney’d)

2017/2018: finally is free and able to get a job in the states

starts tracking down heath (they only had a forwarding address for krolia so they’re like wtf who is this bih)

at this point, keith has already met the shiroganes and changed his name

krolia is in a different state and can only do so much

spends the next few years trying to find him, hires P.I., again keep running into blocks bc social workers and case managers are NOT going to budge on giving up keith's personal information

2023, winter break: krolia reaches out to keith through facebook but it goes into his spam since they’re not facebook friends

allura

what better allegory for sacrificing yourself to save the universe is there than graduating college? in all fairness, i felt like sticking to the notion of allura saying goodbye and leaving the group had its merit, just y’know, i wanted to take a step down from the whole dying thing. i tried to pay homage to the canon material as much as possible while also providing my own spin on things.

one thing that’s been important to me is depicting allura as a college student. sure, while i think most iterations of allura as a kind and a great leader and intelligent are great, even in modern au fics, i just wish there had been a bit more... silliness? outside of her being like the girlboss, the hell yeah supporting character or love interest or bone-tired leader, i always wonder what she would have been like if she hadn't had to save the universe and was just trying to heal on her own terms. yeah, i nerfed her parents in this universe but i tried to showcase her doing normal college things as well, like presenting at research conferences, getting a bit messy drunk, having pizza nights and group hang outs. the funny thing about grief is that life does not stop for it, so you have to just figure things out along the way.

i also didn't want to elaborate too much on her relationship with lotor. she didn't magically heal from that one conversation with lance in chapter 8 but i wanted the readers to get a taste of what was going on in her head through their dialogue. plus, it was a little moment to show how she was allowing herself to open up to other people like lance. no one woman is an island, no matter how much of a bad b!tch you are.

🫧 also, i wanted to include it somewhere but basically, keith knew allura and romelle were hooking up since chapter 14! keith caught romelle sneaking out of allura's room early one morning and he just kept it to himself because snitches get stitches.

pidge

they are so precious to me. they're an amalgamation of 2 of my closest friends, and well, me.

i always knew that pidge was going to be a super important piece in klance development. while lance and keith are great friends, i think pidge played a crucial role in bridging them together in the beginning, before the two of them had cleared up their misunderstandings and made that truce. sure, allura asked them to be on the paintball team but pidge really forced the two of them into close quarters. lance might have extended the offer to keith to hand out without pidge or he might not have. honestly, i'm not really sure. but pidge inviting keith to hang out in chapter 4 was a quiet but big moment because both keith and lance are friends with pidge and will set aside their differences long enough to tolerate each other's presence in a shared space. pidge just has #babyofthefriendgroup privileges.

🫧 i honestly think that after the main two, pidge has undergone the most growth (physically and emotionally) throughout the fic, even though they're a supporting character. we can all benefit from community and friendship but i think pidge needed it a little bit more.

🫧 i partially wrote pidge to represent my younger self, especially when i first attended college. i was scared and alone and i had never been away from home and it was a struggle to form new relationships (and figure out my gender identity. mannnnnn fuck that). it was nice to see pidge find their place and niche among the greater social fabric of college, kind of like comforting my younger self for all the loneliness and uncertainty i endured.

hunk

i love hunk so dearly. ngl, i wanted him to have a bigger arc than he did but hopefully i did a decent job at making feel more well-rounded as a supporting character. i decided to actually kind of lean into this distance in the later chapters as well, esp from lance's pov, as they both got busier. at the end of the day, though, i knew that those two would come back together. hunk is a kind and sympathetic friend and his and lance's friendship will persevere because they're good communicators. their little talk in chapter 17 was me talking to myself and to anyone else who has went through a similar thing where they find themselves drifting a little farther from a friend.

people get busy and that's okay! there will be ebbs and flows in every relationship. even though shared history is a crucial part of a friendship but it can't be the only thing that will keep it going. you need to nurture it and tend to it in order for it to keep it alive and flourishing. hunk understands this and he and lance will be just fine after their talk. hunk is probably the most emotionally intelligent person after adam in the group, and i'm glad he was there to help both lance and keith out when they needed it.

adam

this man!!!!! got i have gotten so fucking attached to adam throughout this fic. he is so dear to me. i know in chapter 10 i wrote from adam's pov and he's a goofy guy in his twenties who's just trying to be a good dad friend but somehow he ended up being a voice of reason and comfort for klance in this fic. lance misses his family a lot and i think adam can not only relate to lance with the homesickness but also lance has started to rely on him a bit like he would with his siblings.

i wanted to try my own spin on adam and keith's relationship. i've seen fics where adam and keith hate each other, don't interact much, or adam takes on a parenting role towards keith as a kid. i wanted to look at keith and adam in the context of two people who both love shiro and then grow to be good friends/surrogate brother-in-law? idk. long story short, adam is very emotionally intelligent and i think he genuinely wanted to get to know keith outside of his connection with shiro and was patient enough to coax keith out of his shell. i tried to write in small ways adam takes care of keith like giving him LactoJoys because Keith likes the taste better than Lactaids, being there for him for his panic attack, adding food to his plate. things that won't draw too much attention, because we all know how keith is about receiving acts of kindness.

i mentioned this in a comment under one of the chapters but all of the advice adam gives keith is either advice i personally received myself or something i wish i could tell my younger self. i hope those words bring you comfort as well!

shiro

i had a lot more planned for shiro but goddammit i had no fucking time or space at this panned out. it's more so klance's story than shiro's.

look, there's a small moment in chapter 18 where shiro is very pleased (and a little surprised) that keith has talked about him with krolia. it has less to do with his faith in keith and more with how he sees himself. shiro has already acknowledged that he has heavy imposter syndrome and deals with his own struggles with self image. it's just always a jolt to your system when someone (could be your own family or your partner of years) validates your relationship.

shiro loves keith very much and just wants to be the best big brother. he has such eldest child syndrome, where he tries to pretend that everything is fine even though things are actually crumbling around him. the thing is, though, you can't build intimacy— real, lasting intimacy and depth in a relationship— without being vulnerable. shiro understands that even though he wants keith to work on opening up, he has to do the same and reciprocate the actions, or else neither of them will really get anywhere and be stuck in that loop of "are you mad at me/i feel like you're hiding something from me/i don't really know who you are."

i tried writing a bit from shiro's pov but i quickly realized that that would drastically change the tone of the fic so i had to scrap it. i might post a little oneshot in the distant future with adashi, though.

keith

🫧 i've talked about this before but although i think keith grew the most as a character in the canon show, that shit was WAY too fast and off-screen. also, i know that the whole found family trope is what drew a lot of fans to voltron in the first place (like me) but is the found family in the room with us rn? i felt like they all started to fall apart or at least weren't as close as the show wanted us to believe. it felt a lot like telling with no showing. other than some occasional moments in the show, the whole #teamasfamily felt hollow.

🫧 i wanted to build on this potential found family for keith's character. he's never had a support system before and he's used to pushing people away but now he has a whole ass friend group that's ready to fight for him if he gives the word.

🫧 initially, when i was writing keith's pov and trying to get a feel for his voice and tone, i struggled a bit. keith is one of those characters that i liked and sympathized with, but getting into his head was a whole different story. i'm more of a lance kinnie but once i got the hand of keith's voice, it was a lot easier. some of my best pieces of writing are from keith's pov! i tried to be as cognizant of keith's development as much as possible as i wrote (think me having various checkpoints for his journey whereas with lance i could just coast on vibes), and i'm pleased with how far he's come.

🫧 although both keith and lance's progress can showcased through their consciousness and thoughts (like duh ur reading from their povs), i leaned into keith's behavior as a way to portray his progress a bit more than lance. things like him being more open to physical affection, not sitting on the outskirts of group dynamics and sticking to shiro, and allowing himself to collect things, which by the way:

🫧 i like the idea of keith's room, once being so empty and ghost-like, is now full of stuff, mementos of his relationships that he's built. i tried to sprinkle in some relics from past chapters (paintball flag, polaroids, ticket stubs), as well add some new tidbits, like shiro giving him a cacti and that korean cookbook!

proud of u, keith bby <3

lance and marco

no i did not just torture lance for the sake of torturing him i would never do that to my boy.

i know this is a fanfiction, but from the start, i wanted to ground this fic in reality and breathe some life into it. lance's little arc with his brother having a substance abuse problem was loosely inspired by events in my personal life.

🫧 i'm not saying that everyone goes through something as drastic as a loved one going to rehab, but as young adults, when we leave home for uni, jobs, other opportunities, etc, there's this worry that something bad will happen while we're away. and often times it does. someone gets sick, a beloved pet passes away, it's all bound to happen. your childhood becomes a thing of the past, and things that you thought would stay the same just won't.

i projected a lot of my feelings onto lance ngl, and writing him work through his own grief and guilt over not being able to be with his family when they're going through a crisis helped me process a little bit more.

although lance had a happier ending than a lot of families might get in reality, i still wanted to show lance having a support system at college and realizing that he has a second family to lean on, and people who love and support him. he doesn't have to pretend to be okay for anyone and that's okay.

black paladin lance or as close to it as i could get

it was so important for me to make lance the new captain of their paintball team, as a stand-in for the black paladin arc he could have had in the show. he’s always been a selfless guy who puts others first and really pulls up when he needs to. he deserves to be recognized for that. not only did every single one of his friends validate him, but the person he looks up to the most literally endorsed him. lance struggles with his inferiority complex and the election scene was a little feel good moment for me, personally, so that he could receive the acknowledgement he deserves, especially with his growth. he's gonna be an awesome team captain (he'll be shuffling down to shiro's room at 2am covered in hickeys and talking about paintball strategies).

wrapping up loose ends

i tried to wrap up as many loose ends as possible and give all the characters a proper send-off. originally i wanted lance and hunk to also move into the house in castle street, like repurpose the basement or something but i realized that that just wasn’t possible because most college basements don’t even have heating or like,,,, a livable arrangement.

ultimately, i think it makes sense for pidge to be the one to take up allura’s room at the house. pidge has lived a single during the academic year but they also had lance and hunk right fifty feet away so it’s not like they REALLY lived alone that year. there was also the logistics of the house having a vacant room, and as much as i would have loved to have all of voltron under the same roof (hunk and pidge sharing a room, keith and lance sharing a room), i think they would kill each other. pidge filling in the gap felt like the right move. and lance and hunk are gonna be over a lot anyways, so it’s not like much has changed in the trio's group dynamic.

🫧 what was your favorite chapter to write?

i think i have different chapters in mind for different reasons, even if it's a copout answer. here are the chapters that are dearest to me:

chapter 4: recalibration this is the chapter where i really got to play around with character interactions. keith and lance's worlds were beginning to integrate in chapter 3 but in this chapter, i got to explore different friendships, like keith & pidge and lance & hunk, and the dynamics they entailed. you can see how important these friendships are to both lance and keith, and how their connection with others eventually helps them to reflect on their previous feelings toward each other, like "hmm maybe i've been too harsh with the other."

chapter 10: let's go to the beach the group dynamics were so solidified to this point, and it was so fun to write. i loved writing from adam's pov and being able to zoom out and showcase klance's relationship progression.

the winter break interludes i waxed poetic about these in a previous faq but to reiterate: i'm really pleased with the way each individual chapter turned out. i love a good character study, and it was a great challenge to my writing and characterization to dig deeper into their home lives and see how the past confronted the present, where their respective childhoods were brought into the light, and how long-held notions of belonging, home, and identity were challenged and remolded.

chapter 17: warm and light my beta reader drunkenguac said that this was some of my best writing and i've been coasting off of that validation for the past 4 months. keith's reunion with his mother was especially cathartic for me. as an adoptee, writing this chapter honestly helped me work through some of my feelings about my adoption as i pictured what it would look like if i was ever reunited with my birth mother. i'm very fortunate that i didn't have to go through the same experiences keith did, but i tried to imbue as much humanness as possible into his section.

chapter 18: moving on it just felt like a proper send-off, the one that we never got from s8 of voltron. i wanted the last chapter to basically have this vibe of "hey, things won't be the same but it's going to be okay because we have each other." when shiro tells matt in the end, "we'll still be here," that's me as the author, telling you, the reader, that this fic will still be here whenever you want to revisit it. it was a comfort to write and i've heard that it's a comfort to read, which is so so so gratifying. when i set out to write this fic in august of 2023, i didn't have any plans of grandeur or even expect like more than 100 people read it— it was just a passion project that i decided to share, and i'm glad that others have sought safety in it. outside of fandom, this fic is a love letter to my own college experience. i remember reading a college au fic when i was still in high school and lonely and closeted and repressed and wondering if i would ever be able to get out of my hometown and find a community as tightly-knit as the fic portrayed it. in a way, i got to reflect on my college experience by writing looking out for you. i find solace in this fic when i read back over it, and i can see aspects of my adventures throughout my freshman and sophomore and junior and senior years, waving from behind a thinly veiled curtain. this fic is dedicated to all the people who made my college experience.

anyways that's me rambling for now! thank you again to everyone who has tuned into looking out for you. this is the first piece of creative writing i've done in a long time, and i never expected to actually finish it. i'm so happy with the way it turned out and the love it's received. until next time!

#ao3 fanfic #voltron legendary defender #klance #college au #lance mcclain #keith kogane #takashi shirogane #adam voltron #hunk garrett #pidge holt #allura vld #graduation #faq #character study #relationship #connection #fuck s8 let's talk about the REAL ending of voltron #allura does not die #character development

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bunmellos · 8 months ago

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do you enjoy being a violinist? im thinking of pursuing a music degree and yk, its always nice to hear from actual musicians

this is a long post so continued under the cut for the sake of everyone’s dash

heya!! it definitely has its pros and cons. self esteem and motivation is hard to maintain in any arts field, and you’ll feel it strongest when you’re in school surrounded by similarly skilled people. this is one thing i personally struggled with a lot 🥲 imposter syndrome/the feeling of being left behind is a lot to deal with, especially if you’re in a competitive program like i was. But! you also get to do tons of really cool things and play lots of beautiful music, and you’re surrounded by such amazing people who inspire you to become better. one of the things i miss most about the music program is having a group of people around me who had similar worries, goals, and skills. there’s nothing like serenading the music faculty headed to a meeting with an impromptu kazoo choir with your world music class……..

i would definitely recommend figuring out if/how much you enjoy teaching. it’s a given if you’re going for music ed, but most performance majors also end up with some form of private studio. that’s just kinda the way it goes in such a competitive field where professional performance opportunities are scarce. teaching is probably the most reliable path for most people, but it isn’t the only path!!

the last thing i would say (trying to keep it brief) is to make the most of the time you’re in school, try to meet lots of people, and take any opportunities you can. everyone’s experience is different based on their instrument and whether they’re performance or ed, but personally, i got to do lots of awesome stuff- traveling, accompanying world famous musicians, playing pit for operas and ballets, among other things :] i would also recommend making sure you get along with your private teacher, since you’ll be working very closely with them.

finally, being an outstanding musician is only half of the job; most performance opportunities (especially post graduation) come from people you’ve built a relationship with, so don’t be afraid to network and try out new things! right now i’m teaching students for a reliable income and accepting every gig offered to me, even if it’s out of my comfort zone. im pretty directionless right now, but the hope is someday i’ll come across something i really love, and that’s only possible if i keep doing random stuff.

i hope this helps!! let me know if you have any other questions or want me to elaborate more, and keep in mind this is from the perspective of a fresh college grad :] and remember you aren’t locked into anything!!! if music doesn’t work out that’s totally fine, and vice versa. U CAN DO IT I LOVE YOU!!

#ask

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femmesandhoney · 1 year ago

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Lol no im asking beacuse i wanna end up in academia as well (although a different field than sociology) and like idk what to do if it doesnt work or how im gonna financially support myself for 8 years. No one in my immediate circle knows how it works. So that's why i asked im sorry if i seemed hostile

oh i understand. i understand the bare minimum as well, since each grad program i look at has vastly different ways it finances you. which btw im really only looking into paid or heavily aided programs that are worth their salt. theres no reason for me to try and waste money in a worse grad program that im shilling a lot of money for. many of these programs will cover or aid you in many ways bc theyre more selective, but worth it if your long term career plan is to be a prof. most of these programs really only wanna see candidates that are PhD focused, at least in the social sciences. i cant speak much about other fields.

what i mean by this is you do have to have some level of commitment to the idea of academia and professorship because those years will be tiring and you will probably experience burnout eventually. so you need to be prepared to really look inside yourself if academia and teaching will be an endgoal that makes you very happy, enough to deal w the slog of academic battlegrounds and stuffy professors you might hate and dealing w the short end of the stick more than half the time bc professors aren't paid well in general. if you can still see the sun at the end of that shit storm of work and slogging, then i would encourage you to continue to focus on academia. if not, don't let it bother you. there are many other forms of masters programs, even some online, if you're just looking for that extra bit of credentials but don't necessarily want a Ph.D.

obviously you can try and get loans, i'll probably still need to take some more out for grad school even with a paid program if its one that isn't fully covered. theres really no way around having to work thru grad school or while getting ur PhD unless you're coming from a well off background. im planning to work as much as i can. obviously apply for scholarships and similar things, those can help. and if you're really finding it hard, speak to the schools financial aid center and see upfront how they can help you more. most schools are apt to discuss and find ways to help.

but yeah like i don't have specific jobs in mind, im not there in grad school yet nor know what my financials will be like if im accepted or not, but ofc there will be loans and there will be work and there will be many years of school to get towards my goal of being a professor because talking about sociology is what makes me happy and i get a good feeling when i think about driving conversation amongst students in my own classroom. and i hold that feeling and its not as daunting.

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zipzin · 1 year ago

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The Law of Entropy Ch 2 - Wynonna "Complicates Everything" Earp (Also on Ao3)

Wynonna (12:46am): i messed up

Wynonna (12:46am): wait

Wynonna (12:46am): maybe not

Wynonna (12:46am): not sure yet

Wynonna (12:47am): waves is gonna kill me tho

Wynonna (12:47am): rip it was nice knowing you

Wynonna (12:47am): of course she hasnt admitted that what youre doing is fake so….

Wynonna (12:48am): lol at me

Rosita (2:12am): i just got off my shift

Rosita (2:12am): and im assuming that youre asleep

Rosita (2:12am): so tell me in the morning

Rosita (2:12am): since you just left me hanging

Rosita (2:13am): bitch move earp

Wynonna (2:15am): i think i need to tell you in person

Wynonna (2:15am): ill come to your place in the morning?

Wynonna (2:15am): and bring coffee instead of punching you in the face :)

Rosita (2:15am): ok

A knock echoed on her door and Rosita eased herself up. Was she expecting someone? Oh right, the text chain with Wynonna came flooding back. Well, at least she was awake this time.

And fully dressed.

“Hello,” Rosita said as she opened the door.

“Hi.” Wynonna pushed by her to get into the apartment. She held up a tray of coffee and a box of donuts, “I bring a peace offering.”

“You actually brought coffee and donuts?” Rosita followed her into the living room and examined the box. “I should let you punch me more often.”

“It’s, well, it’s not just for that.”

Rosita sighed, “What did you do?”

Wynonna ignored her as she looked around the apartment, “Well, this certainly changed in 24 hours.”

“Well, some of us have to study for school.”

“Oh right, you’re a grad student.” Wynonna said and put the box down on a small space that Rosita cleared of papers. “Just like Waverly.”

“Yep.” Rosita said and took the coffee that Wynonna hadn’t and added a couple sugars. “So?”

“I didn’t mean to, okay?” Wynonna said. “I just didn’t really have any other options.”

“Wynonna.” Rosita’s stomach was feeling worse by the second.

“Okay, okay, so last night, Nicole and I got sloshed. As you saw. Though she was definitely more sloshed than me, for the record.”

“I was there, I’m aware of how drunk you were when you left.”

“And so, I say something like, how you’re just fake dating.”

“Wynonna-”

“But I saved it.” Wynonna grimaced. “Sorta.”

“How could you save it?”

“I convinced her that I said that ‘we should fake date.’”

“What?”

“And she agreed.”

Rosita blinked several times. “She, what?”

Wynonna took a large sip of coffee. “She agreed to fake date me.”

“Why?”

“Um, well I told her, maybe then Waverly would see what she was missing out on.”

“Waverly is going to freak out,” Rosita rubbed her temples. Maybe it was still too early for this. “Why can’t they just ask each other out like normal people?”

“Yes.” Wynonna said, “But considering she’s never actually admitted to me that she likes Nicole, she can’t completely blame me.”

“She’s not going to blame you, she’s going to insist that this means Nicole doesn’t like her. God it was bad enough last night with Nicole ‘complimenting’ me.”

Wynonna grimaced, “Yeah, I’d hoped that Nicole would forget about it all in the morning, but,” Wynonna took out her phone, ensuring that the screen was on.

Haughtstuff (10:03am): So, I’ve thought a lot about your proposition last night, and you made some good points, so I think that we should do it. You’re the best, thanks for doing this for me.

“Oh no.”

“Oh yes.” Wynonna buried her face in her hands.

“She even used perfect grammar.”

“That’s code for, she’s still a little drunk and is trying too hard to make it seem like she’s fine.”

Rosita sighed. “Waverly is extremely insecure because Nicole called me hot last night.”

“Well she isn’t blind even if she’s hung up on my sister and blind about that.” Wynonna smirked.

“Wynonna.” Rosita said, “How are you going to convince Waverly? You guys aren’t believable in the slightest.”

Wynonna just stared at her.

“Right,” Rosita sighed, “She’s hopeless.”

“Yeah,” Wynonna said and took a large bite from her donut.

“Ugh,” Rosita sighed and rubbed her head. “Luckily, I convinced Waverly to date me until the end of the month.”

“So that’s our deadline.”

“Yes.”

“We have to make it terrible for them.” Wynonna said.

“No, we just need to make sure they know that they want each other.” Rosita said. “Somehow with both of them in relationships for the first time in, what two years?” Wynonna nodded.

“You know, this is probably why the closet thing didn’t work out.” Wynonna commented.

“What?” Rosita couldn’t understand how that had to do with anything.

“If you had been there, I’m sure that it would have.”

“Thanks.” Rosita said as a smile crossed her lips for the first time since Wynonna showed her the texts.

“Besides,” Wynonna flopped down on Rosita’s couch and stuffed another donut into her mouth. “This is all your fault.”

“My fault!” Rosita exclaimed. “Fake dating was Waverly’s idea.”

“Yes, and you agreed.” Wynonna shrugged. “If you hadn’t.” Wynonna shrugged, looking far too delighted at the outrage on Rosita’s face. “I know that Nicole and I never would have gotten into this situation.”

Rosita threw one of the sugar packets at Wynonna. “Oh yes, this is totally my fault.” She rolled her eyes, “If I wasn’t here Waverly and Nicole would already be making out.”

“We can never know.” Wynonna said sagely.

“I hate you.” Rosita grumbled.

Wynonna just grinned at her.

“I’m not giving up,” Rosita said, “So now we,” She emphasized the last word, “need to figure out how to convince Waverly that Nicole likes her even though she’s dating her sister.”

Wynonna just chewed on a donut. “I don’t know, but this way, we can play them both right? Like do a double date and ditch them.”

It was the only good idea that Wynonna had shared. Rosita found herself sighing. And not just because the coffee was really good. “Goddamnit Wynonna. You’re actually doing this.”

“I mean I already told Nicole yes.”

Rosita pointed at the coffee, “You owe me coffee for the rest of the week to make up for this.”

“Of course, Boobs McStuffins. It would be my pleasure.”

“Good.” Rosita said, “It can be delivered here at 10am unless otherwise specified. Now, get out, I need to study.”

Wynonna nodded and snagged one more donut.

“And I have to say,” Wynonna said once she stepped outside, “You do look extremely nice, even if I was wishing that you had forgotten to wear pants again.”

“Goodbye.” Rosita said forcefully.

She shut the door with a smile on her face.

Rosita jumped and Jeremy knocked off his binder as the table reverberated with a thud. She glared at Waverly who sighed over the large stack of books she’d just dropped. Every single time. They weren’t in the, make a sound and the librarian will haunt you for the rest of your life section, but they were in the, why do you need to throw twenty pounds of books onto the table without a care section.

Rosita went back to the calculations that were giving her a headache and ignored Waverly as she loudly flipped through the top book. These were hard enough without her sighing.

“Are you alright?” Rosita cut through one of Waverly’s sighs.

“I am having the worst day.” Wavery said.

“Really?” Rosita asked. She probably should have expected this.

“What happened?” Jeremy asked without a trace of annoyance on his face. Why was she surrounded by nice people?

“I was late, because of course my car wasn’t starting, so I took the bus, which is always a mistake. I should have just let Nicole drive me, and then I wouldn’t have spilled my coffee all over the stupid bus. And then Professor Vaughn said that my paper was elementary! A paper on Ancient Sumerian!” Waverly punctated each sentence with a pound on her stack of books. “Not to mention that the creep Will followed me from class to the coffee shop and they were out of non dairy milk!” Waverly stopped. “At least you guys are still here.”

Oh no.

“And Rosita, Will wouldn’t believe me when I told him I was in a relationship, so you better go set him up straight.”

“Right.”

“Aww, you and Nic- ow!” Rosita kicked Jeremy before he could finish his sentence.

“Jeremy,” Rosita said with a patronizing smile, “Waverly and I are in a relationship.”

He laughed, but when they didn’t join him he stopped and looked between them nervously. “Wait, you’re serious? This isn’t a joke?” Long ago, Rosita had filled Jeremy in on Waverly’s non relationship with Nicole, it was one of their favorite subjects when they were procrastinating on a lab. It didn’t help that sadly it was currently the closest thing either of them had to a real relationship. Rosita glared at him and elbowed him in the side. “I mean,” he coughed, “Congratulations! Um, when did this happen?”

“Two days ago, I asked Rosita out. She said yes.” Waverly smiled. If Rosita didn’t know better she’d think that Waverly was genuinely happy with their relationship.

Rosita watched as Jeremy struggled to keep his expression anything other than just shock. “Oh? Wow, I didn’t know you liked her.” An awkward silence met his statement. “That’s cool though,” He nodded his head quickly, “I mean we are all friends so I hope if you break up, not that I’m saying you’ll break up-” Rosita elbowed him again, “Anyway, what prompted you asking her? Her looking totally hot?” Rosita mimed gagging at him

Waverly ignored them, “Have you ever felt you were in a rut?” She stared at them as they looked blankly at her.

“Oh, I thought that was rhetorical.” Jeremy chuckled nervously, “Um, yes you see on one of my projects for-”

“Please don’t continue.” Rosita sighed and Jeremy wisely closed his mouth and nodded at Waverly to continue.

“Well I’ve been in the rut for a very long time.” Two long years, echoed in Rosita’s head, “And I needed to do something about it.”

“And that was to date Rosita?” Jeremy asked. Now he just looked genuinely confused.

“Yes.” Waverly exclaimed like he was the only one who got Final Jeopardy right.

“Basically,” Rosita cut in before Jeremy could ask her something else and force Waverly to continue to pretend she wasn’t in love with someone else, “We think the other one is attractive and we thought why not try it out.”

“You guys certainly live on the wild side.”

Waverly and Rosita shared a look.

“What?” Rosita could only say.

“Oh, um, I mean,” He didn’t seem to realize that he had said his previous comment out loud, “Just that you’re coworkers, and you know we’re all friends, so if you break up, well sorry Rosita, but I’m staying friends with Waverly.”

“Jeremy!” Rosita and Waverly said at once.

“What?” He tried to sink into his chair. “She’s nicer.”

“We actually have some classes together, asshole.” Maybe she shouldn’t tell him it is all fake now.

“Oh, that’s a good point.” Jeremy sighed. “Dang, I’m going to have to reevaluate, don’t break up until I’ve figured it all out.”

“Glad you have so much faith and care so deeply.” Rosita scoffed.

“I have faith, I just, I.” Jeremy gave up, “I’m going to work on my homework now.”

“Good idea.” Rosita said.

Waverly caught Rosita’s eye and they barely managed to keep from cracking up as Jeremy hunched over his textbook, a faint sheen of sweat visible on his brow.

Finals were in three weeks, so they turned back to their own work into silence. Rosita wished she could understand her professor’s logic in assigning a ridiculous amount of work right now. It wasn’t the first time that she was glad that she had elected to get a job at Shorty’s instead of being a TA. One of her lab partners was swimming in not only her own work, but all the work that she had to grade. Bartending might mean late hours dealing with annoying customers, but at least the annoying customers didn’t give her homework she had to review after she was off the clock.

Waverly’s phone beeped, interrupting the silence and almost making Jeremy knock his binder off again, and Waverly scowled. She was hardly one to forget to silence her phone. “Oh it’s Wynonna. Aww, she wants to have dinner with me.”

“You shouldn’t go.” Rosita blurted out before she could stop herself.

“What?” Waverly said, “Why not?”

Rosita had never hated anyone as much as she did Wynonna at that moment. How to explain to your friend that their bad day is going to get a lot worse because the love of their life is fake dating your sister but you’ve been sworn to secrecy and can’t say that? “Don’t you have a lot of studying to do? I know you’ll be doing a make-up essay for Professor Vaughn.”

“He doesn’t deserve any extra work.” Waverly bit out. “The old bastard. No, a nice dinner with Wynonna is exactly what I need. I guess I’ll go check these out if I want to get back on the right bus.”

“I could-” Rosita didn’t get a chance to finish the sentence before Waverly had whirled out of the library. Not that she’d take Rosita up on the ride, Rosita still had another class and Waverly would miss dinner if she waited. Which would probably be a good thing.

“Okay,” Jeremy said, “I thought you said Waverly was in love with her hot roommate.”

“She is. And her roommate’s name is Haught.”

“Okay, first of all, there’s barely a difference! And that’s besides the point! You’re dating Waverly?”

“Yes.” Rosita sighed.

“What the hell are you doing to yourself?” Jeremy reached out as if to give her a light shove, but one look from Rosita had him awkwardly put his hand down.

Rosita laid her head on the table. There was no way that Jeremy would believe her, even if it would be more fun to make him sweat and defend her honor. Not when she had detailed exactly how much of a disaster Waverly was when Nicole came into Shorty’s. “We aren’t actually dating.”

“What!?” Jeremy yelled so loud that Rosita had to clamp her hand over his mouth. They waited, frozen, for several long seconds until they were sure no one was coming to yell at them.

Rosita looked at him, “You better not say anything to Waverly, okay? I know where you live.” He nodded. “We were talking about Nicole at work and she was being stupid, and I told her that Nicole gets jealous. The next thing I knew she was demanding I prove it.” Rosita sighed.

“Prove it?”

Rosita buried her face in her book. God it was worse saying it aloud without a threat to her face. “By fake dating.”

Jeremy just blinked at her. “That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Why would that ever work?”

“I don’t actually have much faith that it will. Especially now that Wynonna’s screwed it up even more.”

“Wynonna?”

“Waverly’s sister. Nicole and her got drunk last night and agreed to fake date too.”

“What? So, they know you’re fake dating?”

“Wynonna does because, well she had some similar thoughts as you did. Though a little more violent.” Rosita gestured to her eye that had faded enough so her makeup skills could mostly cover it up. Her professors hadn’t noticed, even if they probably thought it weird she suddenly sat in the back.

Jeremy frowned, “But why would she fake date Nicole?”

“She almost spilled the beans to Nicole,” Rosita sighed, “The only hope is that I got Waverly to agree to do this for a month so she can’t back out once she finds out.”

“She doesn’t know?”

“Not yet.” Rosita sighed. “Her day is about to go from bad to worse.”

“Why didn’t Waverly just tell me?”

Rosita just stared at him. “I didn’t want to tell you and I’m not the one with the undying crush.”

“Okay, fair.” He sat back, “Wow.”

“Yeah.”

Jeremy said. “This is-”

“Absurd.” Rosita guessed.

“Yes. But it’s also-”

“Batshit insane.”

He paused, “You said it. I’m not going to argue. But you need to tell me everything. This is the most exciting thing since that business student accidentally paid for my coffee.” Jeremy sighed.

“Oh please, you know that I’m going to have to vent to someone. And Wynonna is clearly not an option.” Who knows what else she might do? Or say?

Wynonna (10:55pm): so your about to get a shitstorm

Wynonna (10:55pm): just so you know

Rosita (10:55pm): you couldn’t even use the right you’re

Wynonna (10:55pm): no

Rosita (10:55pm): i’m not even home yet, you have to hold her off until then

Wynonna (10:56pm): as you wish mlady

Rosita (10:56pm): you're such a dork

Wynonna (10:56pm): take that back

Rosita (10:56pm): no

She dropped her bag to the ground, not caring that her neighbor might complain about the noise and barely made it to the couch as she collapsed onto her stomach. It would be too much work to get to her bed. Was this really worth it? Studying for what? Working in some pharmaceutical company that would charge ridiculous prices for life saving medicine because they could? Because where else would she be able to find work that would actually pay her enough money to not drown in debt?

Rosita dug her phone out of her pocket and stared wearily at the time. She should go to bed, because she was opening Shorty’s tomorrow and couldn’t sleep till noon. Waverly’s name popped up and Rosita opened the facetime call immediately.

“What’s up?” Rosita’s words died in her mouth as she took in Waverly’s face. Her hair was a mess and her eyes were red and puffy with mascara smeared down her cheeks.

“They’re dating!” Waverly got out and then let out a little sob. Rosita sighed. Well, now Waverly’s day couldn’t get any worse.

“Who?” Rosita asked, simply for the sake that she didn’t want to receive Waverly’s wrath.

Waverly just sobbed out garbled names. It was utterly incomprehensible even though Rosita knew the answer.

“I didn’t get that.” Rosita said, doing her best to look confused.

Waverly took a hiccupping breath, “Wynonna and Nicole.”

Hearing Waverly say it made it sound even stupider. She couldn’t help herself, Rosita laughed. A loud guffaw that was definitely going to get her neighbor to call the landlord. Waverly was shocked out of her sadness, staring at Rosita like she had lost her mind.

“That can’t be true.” Rosita said between laughs.

“It is!” Waverly said. “Wynonna just told me! That’s why we had dinner!” She let out another sob. “Nicole doesn’t like me, ok? Why would she go out with my sister?”

Rosita finally figured out how to stop laughing and cursed Wynonna for the umpteenth time. “Hey, hey, maybe it’s just because you're off the market? Nicole likes you so now she gets the next best thing?”

“That’s horrible! Nicole would never do that to Wynonna.” Which, fair. Even when she said it she hated it. “Rosita, there’s no point, let’s break it off.”

“I didn’t even know Wynonna liked girls.” Rosita tried. Not that she really believed that. Wynonna had complimented her chest a little too many times for it to be just platonic admiration.

Waverly stared at her. “Are you serious?”

“Well, I suspected, but,” Rosita shrugged.

“ Rosita, stop distracting me. I’m done. We’re done. Okay? We tried and it clearly didn’t work!”

“Waverly.” Rosita threatened.

“Come on, you can’t possibly think-”

“You promised me a month.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“I’ll let you pick the next month's shifts too.”

Rosita fisted her hands so that her fingernails dug into her palms. “No.”

“Two months.”

“It cannot possibly be worth two months.”

“Three.”

“Waverly.” Rosita warned, sure that she was drawing blood.

“I will go to four.”

Rosita stomped her foot, a part of her pleading to take it. If they broke up, obviously Nicole and Wynonna would, and then the two could resolve the whole issue. After all, they’d have to talk about why they both had the shortest relationship possible.

But no, Rosita sighed, there was no way that they were going to go back to anything more than frigid roommates who probably bit their towels when they masturbated about the other. Though, they were probably both unwilling to masturbate thinking about the other because that wouldn’t be honorable or some shit. No wonder Waverly was so wound up, there was no way she was sexually satisfied. And even getting the best shifts for four months was not worth the pining that would make every shift unbearable long after the four months were up.

“I won’t do it.”

“Are you serious?”

“You better thank me at your wedding.”

“Ros-”

Rosita hung up and fell onto her couch.

Rosita (11:41pm): you owe me

Rosita (11:41pm): big

Wynonna (11:41pm): i kno

Rosita (11:42pm): i could have gotten four months

Rosita (11:42pm): FOUR

Wynonna (11:42pm): ill make it up to you

Rosita (11:42pm): coffee

Rosita (11:42pm): for a year

Wynonna (11:42pm): didnt kno we were that serious

Wynonna (11:43pm): but ya we can move in together

Rosita (11:43pm): 🙄

“You’re being ridiculous.” Waverly said as she entered Shorty’s.

“Hello to you too.” Rosita answered and glanced at Jimmy who gave a small smile. She got a good look at Waverly and did her best to ignore that Waverly’s eyes were puffy and red, her hair messy and not in her usual wavy curls.

Rosita was glad that the first time she saw Waverly was at Shorty’s. It felt mean, Waverly was her good friend, maybe even her best friend, but Waverly couldn’t exactly break down while they were working. Well she could, but Waverly hated being messy in public, especially when she was in Purgatory.

“Please, Rosita, you can pick for four months!”

“Look, I’m not going to end this,” Rosita hissed away from any of the patrons. “Because one, I’m not being broken up with after a day, and two, I’m not having both Wynonna and Nicole hunt me down for hurting your feelings or some other garbage.”

“They would never-” Waverly cut herself off. “Okay, Wynonna might, but Nicole wouldn’t.”

Rosita shrugged and congratulated herself that the excuse, which had taken way too long to think of, worked. “Just come on, we haven’t even had a fake date yet.”

“A fake date?” Waverly said.

Rosita tossed the rag she was cleaning the bar with aside and rolled her eyes, “Are you really telling me that you haven’t considered that we need to convince Nicole that we are actually dating? That you need to rub it into her face, so you can see if she actually gets jealous?”

“I don’t want to rub it in her face!” Waverly looked like she was going to cry again.

“You think she won’t with your sister?” Rosita had to cough down a laugh at the mental picture. How Wynonna convinced Waverly was beyond her. “Now I don’t know either of them extremely well, but Wynonna has never been subtle.”

“So, obviously Nicole won’t be jealous, she’s in a relationship.” Waverly said. “You understand this right? That this is all for naught? A complete waste?”

“Maybe she’s not in a relationship with the Earp she wants.” Rosita shrugged. “Now come on, those two just walked in and you better go help them.” Waverly huffed and marched over without a backwards glance.

Jimmy waved her over and as Rosita gave him another beer as he asked, “What’s wrong with her?”

“Waverly?” He nodded. Rosita sighed, “It’s well, Nicole and Wynonna are dating.”

Jimmy almost knocked over his new beer in shock and Rosita shot him a commiserating smile. He waved her away, staring at Waverly with a mix of pity and depression. Of course, Jimmy always looked a little depressed.

The shift was mostly fine, Waverly mostly just ignored Rosita and she thought that she had lucked out through the worst of it. At least until Rosita found Waverly crying in the basement when she was supposed to be fetching more vodka.

“I’m fine, really.” Waverly said as she stood and wiped her eyes.

“Waverly.”

“Really.” Waverly hefted the box of vodka and scurried up the stairs before Rosita could say anything else.

Short of dragging Waverly back down the stairs herself, there wasn’t much Rosita felt she could do on the job. And leaving the patrons without a bartender for that long seemed like a recipe for disaster.

“Hey.” Rosita grit out to Wynonna once she came back up with the box of whiskey. “You’re here.”

“Yep!” Wynonna grinned and then said loudly as she slapped Nicole’s back, “I’m here with my smoking Haught girlfriend.” Waverly had ducked behind the counter, and seemed determined to stay out of their sight.

“Wynonna,” Nicole sighed, “You don’t need to announce it to the whole bar.”

It was too late. The din of the customers had died and they were staring at Nicole and Wynonna with varying looks of disgust, confusion, and shock.

“Oi!” Wynonna yelled at them, “Stop staring, or should I remind you I’m a crazy bitch!” Her hand went to her hip as if to reach for a gun.

Everyone turned back quickly.

“You certainly have a way with people.” Rosita said.

“Ain’t that right sugar tits.” Wynonna said.

“You can’t say that.” Nicole said. “Wynonna.”

“Right, right, no flirting with other women.”

Waverly let out a squeak and Wynonna tried to peer over the bar, “Do you have rats here?”

“No!” Rosita said as Waverly darted away, keeping her head ducked under the counter, “The rubber mats squeak sometimes.”

Wynonna eyebrows quirked up. She then looked at where Waverly was standing up and back at Rosita. Rosita rolled her eyes, what did she want her to say?

“Hey Waverly.” Nicole called across the bar.

“Hi.” Waverly answered shortly, “Rosita can help you.” She turned away and missed the despair on Nicole’s face.

“So what can I get you?”

“Whiskey!”

“A beer.”

Wynonna turned around at Nicole, “No girl of mind can settle for just a beer.”

“I-We have work tomorrow.” Nicole protested.

“And we’re dating.”

Nicole opened her mouth and then sighed at Rosita, “Fine, whiskey.” She completely deflated as she stared at Waverly’s turned back.

Rosita went to make their drinks and stared at the two of them. How long would it take before Nicole realized that Wynonna was going to mess with her as much as possible?

Probably the whole month.

Rosita handed them their drinks and then moved away as quickly as possible before Wynonna could do something else. Jimmy waved her over for another glass and as she handed it to him, he nodded towards the two, now seemingly bickering over napkins?

“They’re quite the pair.”

“Yeah.” Rosita said.

“I’m certain that they love each other very much.”

“Of course.” Rosita agreed easily. They weren’t in love with each other, but Rosita knew that they loved each other, even if they’d both rather die than admit it.

“Not sure they’re a couple.”

“Jimmy!”

He shrugged, his eyes sparkling. “If this is their idea of a date.”

Rosita shook her head but walked away before he could question her more. And because people needed drinks. Obviously.

But a date, Rosita thought as she doctored up some more drinks, Jimmy was right about that. And she had promised something to Waverly.

“Waverly.” Rosita said carefully from near Wynonna and Nicole.

“Hmm?” Waverly asked. Rosita had to admire that she’d somehow covered up almost all of the evidence that she’d been crying.

“Are you still down for our date tomorrow?” Rosita asked.

Two things happened at once. Nicole sputtered and coughed on her drink behind Rosita and Waverly dropped the rag she was holding. Rosita was very happy it was only a rag. Waverly’s eyes widened and her voice squeaked, “A date?”

“Yes.” Rosita shot her a forceful look, “Since we aren’t working or studying tomorrow I thought we could do something fun tomorrow. Together.”

Waverly’s eyes narrowed fractionally, but she nodded. “Yeah, I told you I’d be down.”

It was wholly unconvincing, but Rosita would take what she could. “Excellent.” Rosita nodded. “I’ll pick you up at 7.”

Waverly nodded and turned around and Rosita chanced a look at Nicole. She was staring at her empty whiskey glass like Rosita had just shot her dog. Or cat. Rosita was pretty sure she had a cat.

Wynonna, on the other hand, was looking like the cat had caught the canary, and waved Rosita over. “Rosita, be a dear and get us two tequila shots, some salt, and some lime.”

Nicole shot up in her seat, “Wynonna, no!”

“Wynonna, yes.” Wynonna grinned. Rosita handed her the supplies and watched from what she deemed was a safe distance away. “I won’t make you crawl up on the bar.” Wynonna said, loud enough for Waverly and Rosita’s benefit, “I’m a good girlfriend like that. But c’mon, we’re here, together and loving each other, let’s do a shot.”

“We’re working tomorrow!” Rosita knew that Nicole had already lost. She’d lost since she sent that text. She looked like she wanted the floor to swallow her up, but Wynonna was placing the lime between Nicole’s teeth, licking her hand, and pouring out the salt. Nicole hesitated a moment before following Wynonna’s lead.

Rosita glanced back at Waverly who was gripping a pitcher of beer so hard, Rosita was surprised she didn’t splinter the plastic. Her eyes were narrowed on the two, and as Wynonna licked Nicole’s hand, downed the shot, and her lips brushed over Nicole’s as she got the lime, Waverly wheeled around, her expression thunderous, and marched into the bathroom.

It was a pity, Rosita thought, she missed out on Nicole awkwardly repeating the motions on Wynonna looking like she’d rather die. Wynonna shot a wink at Rosita who had to bite her lip to keep from laughing.

One thing was sure, Wynonna was going to be the death of Nicole.

And maybe Waverly.

#wayhaught #rosita/wynonna #wynonna earp #my writing: wayhaught #my writing: rosita/wynonna #my writing: wynonna earp #my writing #mine

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xirae · 18 days ago

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I'm the crazy upstairs neighbor now......

The downstairs neighbor sometimes plays music really really loud, like my sound canceling headphones don't block it . I've always just dealt with it, and tbh they don't do it very often. It ends eventually and then they're done, I get to enjoy the rest of my day. But this past weekend they randomly ramped it up, doing it every day multiple times per day. I don't know what happened. And today they randomly did it between 9-10, which isn't awful but I try to go to bed at 11 (been failing recently...) and I am a lot less tolerant during those two hours - I want to watch movie or read, just relax in general, excluding shower and teeth brushing - so I jumped up and down for like 30 seconds and left

It was bc they piss me off and it was kind of a last straw moment. The one below me smokes every day in her room, and I can't blow in nice cool fall air at night which is something I love to do every season. I luck out a little and have a private bathroom with a window that gets me a decent breeze, but it's not ideal. So I'm a little pissed about that and I think "Why does she have to be such a stoner?" all the time. We have a no-smoking clause too, so let it be known - I'm kind of a fucking Karen but I NEVER act on it. Then #2 they SLAM their fucking doors and shake the apartment every time. It's not hard to be gentle, annoys the FUCK out of me

They're like undergrads and idk why they are down here bc we are way south of the university. I expected it to be grad students and older people. They're the youngest in my building afaik. So I'm just thinking, "Whyyyyyyyyyy are they down here just to annoy me." idk if I'm wrong or right to think older ppl are more considerate. IME undergrads in general, often self absorbed and annoying. My last place was only older ppl and some families, same area, but I think it was bc it was a 3 bedroom (albeit, one bedroom was more of an office or a kids room flex). We had three roommates but we did split, I figure 2 bedrooms attract more undergrads even out here.

#personal #d personal #apartment life not for me but too bad - everywhere is apartments!!!!!#idk i probably annoy them too as the upstairs neighbor ugggghhhh

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oldcoyote · 4 months ago

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shawnnhunter replied to your post:

i just wanna share a story with you that might give you some comfort or camaraderie in a sense. you know im an artist and constantly trying to overcome my own perfectionism. and i think there was one act of criticism that just broke me. and shocked me into believing in myself out of spite. don’t get me wrong. it’s still hard to believe that my art is worthy of being made, but my first critic in grad school, i made very personal art about being a sexual assault and suicide survivor. a professor told me that i was wrong for making this and showing it. he told me my art was making everyone uncomfortable and i wasting everyone’s time and disrespecting them by making them look at my art. and i believed him. that night I really believed him. over the course of the next week, my fellow students came up to me in private to tell me how much they loved what they had seen, and told me to keep creating exactly what i was making. eventually i found out someone had reported this incident to the president of our college, and that professor was reprimanded but that truly made me consider giving up on art and dropping out of grad school. no one said any thing in front of him, so the only way I had to keep going after that night was to just take that leap of faith and believe what I made was good enough

holy shit what a douchebag that guy was! i'm so sorry that he said that, and that it hurt you so badly, i can 100% understand your reaction and honestly i would have done the exact same thing. i'm so glad those students came to you! and man i'm glad he got reported, too

honestly, if that had happened to me, i would have let it tank my entire art career because my brain is addicted to believing the worst of myself - your resilience is amazing and i admire it so much 💛

i don't know if i can ever believe what i make is good enough when there will still be negative comments no matter how well i write or how good the art i make is. i don't know how to let go of them, they tattoo themselves on my brain and cling there forever. i need to figure out how to change that somehow

#shawnhunter #replies

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luciusspriggss · 2 years ago

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fwiw i agree with ur former roommate, you need to leave, you can't heal like this

thank you. i know it would be best. i just cant afford it, and even if i could, i really dont want to screw over my ex and my roommate.

my ex would be truly fucked over because they dont start their seasonal job until may, and dont know what to do when it ends in september. i was going to financially support them until they found a new job.

it is hard for them because they have lupus and cant do a lot of jobs (they were also denied disability and didnt try to fight it). they also were considering going to grad school at the local university, which would make it hard to afford somewhere to live, even with a grad student salary.

they were homeless as a child (ironically because their mom and dad divorced due to their dad's alcoholism), and i dont want them to ever experience that again. i wont let that happen.

so until i can figure out a way to leave, that doesnt jeopardize their home status, i am staying.

this also happened with my previous ex. he couldnt afford to live on his own with his income. i updated his resume, found a new job he was qualified for that would pay significantly more, wrote a cover letter for him, sent it to the employer with a nice message, and he got an interview. i also bought him clothes for said interview. i made sure to do this a month or two before we moved to our own places so he could save up enough. i also found him a place to live that he could afford (he wasnt looking for new places despite our lease almost being up. he said he would figure it out). for whatever reason he spent too much of his money (i tried to create a budget for him so this wouldnt happen, because he asked me to), so i had to pay his security deposit. my mom also paid 1-2k to get his truck fixed so he could go to work.

i really dont know how i keep finding myself in these situations

im just, never going to let someone experience homelessness

#sorry for the long reply #thank you for your words #i really appreciate it ❤️

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opens-up-4-nobody · 4 years ago

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#here we are again pulling a tumblr confessional #going back out to the field again tomorrow and prob every day until Wednesday #but tomorrow one of the grad students who drives isnt coming so i dont kno whos driving #im assuming its the phd student bc no one asked me but i wish someone could confirm that bc maybe then i woulnt feel like crying #if they ask me to drive tomorrow my brain my shut down #Friday the field was fine but i felt really bad bc driving back i was very casually like haha our pi isnt coming next week whos gonna drive #pls pls dont make it me. i burst into tears when i found out i wouldn't have to drive today haha ha ha #and then i couldnt sleep bc like no stop that. dont unload ur stress onto other ppl in the hopes theyll protect u. go to ur pi and say: hey #my stupid brain wont let me drive bc it hates me #its called communication and it's important #so now i just feel terrible with a side of guilty ugh #and ive gotta co host a meeting tomorrow morning for a group im trying very hard to care about but really just dont #i cant help it. i just dont care about plants #and i dont know if im gonna be asked to be in charge or anything so i dont kno how to prep #so fuck me i guess #and hurrah for a week of much social interaction :-/#ugh itll be good for me. bond me with my lab mates and expose me to the sun #but idk i already have that heavy tongue i dont wanna open my mouth vibe going on #i dont really want to entertain anyone for the 50min car ride #but we shall see #unrelated

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darkacademiamlm · 4 years ago

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Sorry for the lack of content recently!! I'm queuing up some posts rn. too lazy to figure out how to do a read more on mobile so context in tags lol

#talkin #im trying to figure out grad stuff. the prof i was trying to do rotations w thought i was an undergrad #so it took a week to find out he doesnt have room for students this sem 😂#now we have 16 days to find someone. i did email the director to ask if theres a way to find out who is recruiting #and also i got to tour his lab and rly liked him (the director i mean) so also asked if he has room.#trying so hard to do all the onboarding employee stuff too.#but my parents keep my documentation locked away from me bc abuse tactics. and refuse to hand them over. so its been. hard.#and of course being locked in here essentially with them is destroying my mental health.#depression and anxiety at a level they havent been in like a year #paranoia and other cptsd symptoms are getting hard to handle at this point too. so.#minor suicidal ideation is back w all of this. im not in any like active danger but its a struggle to manage on my own :/#suicide tw #for tags.#mental health tw #also jic.#i just need to get out of here asap and let myself get back in control.

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perenial · 2 years ago

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First congrats on that positive feedback that’s so great to get !!! And second im gonna be going to grad school and will have to teach a class, how do u make your class like engaging and somewhat fun for the undergrads? Bc it’s been a minute since I’ve been in undergrad and I’m having a hard time remembering what made me like my grad student profs/recitation sections. Big question ik so no pressure to answer <3

okay so first thing is act ur age. students sniff out people pretending to be older/younger than they are straight away – like, i once had a grad student tutor who acted like a 50-something associate professor and absolutely no one took her seriously. i mention younger too bc even if ur teaching people like five years younger than u, there's no guarantee u actually know what they're like as a micro-generation, so purposefully trying to act like what u think they're like is gonna backfire too.

kinda related to that: put boundaries around ur teaching self and everyday self, but don't be afraid to let ur students know that ur like. a person. bc honestly i had the best interactions with my students when i swore after making a mistake, or made a bad joke, or used examples from my own life to explain a theory/framework, or just generally acted like a regular, fallible human being. this doesn't mean telling ur students everything about u, but reminding them that ur Just Some Guy allows for a more honest and comfortable working relationship

something else that rly stood out for me was making sure class work was accessible, and explicitly pointing out to everyone when this wasn't possible and why i was/wasn't using the resource. i love to use videos to start conversations and while youtube is slowly getting the gist of captioning, not every vid has decent subtitles; i made sure to tell my students if there weren't captions, so they knew that a) i could fill in any gaps they might miss and b) get them used to the idea that accessible materials should be the norm. i also tried to mix up the kind of activities we were doing across the semester – some small group work stuff, some larger whole-class discussions, some individual writing tasks, etc – so students had a chance to figure out what works best for them and let me know what does/doesn't work

finally, be clear with what u expect from them, especially re: assessed work. the course i taught had been inherited from another group of academics who had a v specific assessment framework that took me some time to understand, and in that time i confused the fuck out of my students by not being able to tell them what they needed to do. get stuff like due dates and assessment criteria locked down early, and if ur not sure, don't just make up some bullshit answer and hope someone else will clarify later bc WOW i fucked up big time in the first couple of weeks when it came to that

and that's about it, i think? if u have any more questions i'm totally happy to take them, and good luck with ur course!!

#replies.txt #Anonymous #honestly i just used my students to test stand up material while sprinking in some gender theory idk #edit i just realised i totally misread ur question ohh my god. uh. anyway .

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xpeachesncream · 4 years ago

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acquainted | five

> series masterlist <

summary: the biggest goal of a grad student is to get through school in one piece - no petty drama involved, no sweating over the little things. however, that plan almost always never follows through. sometimes, you can’t help but fall into the most unthinkable, unexpected traps and learn the hard way. like, exhibit a: being unable to resist your engaged, substitute teacher, kim seokjin.

pairing: (2nd bts member to be revealed) x reader x engaged!teacher!seokjin

genre: grad school au, student life au | fluff, angst, smut (to come)

words: 4.2k

warnings: implied sexual content, cussing / mature language, relationship issues, angst, club scene, alcohol consumption, intoxication, seokjin is ready to risk it all cause reader is a huge flirt, the love triangle mess shall begin

notes: AH IM SORRY, THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO SAY?!? I TRIED to make this as fair as possible, but i..... clearly have an issue and just really wanted this to be messy lmao

tags: @laurynne5 @yiyi4657 @miinoongi @teamtardis-notdead @bluesharksandfish @photographic-girl (pls msg me if you would like to be added to the taglist!)

"Waddup bro." Namjoon steps aside to let Jin in. "Wasn't expecting you to come by since we're seeing each other tonight." Jin chuckled.

"Fuck, that's right." Joon laughs as he hands Jin a bottle of water before sitting.

"What, you forgot? You planned this for your own stepbrother."

"No, I know. Just a lot of things going on." He sips on his water, manspreading in Namjoon's loveseat in the livingroom. He tilts his head back and closes his eyes, the headache he felt earlier this morning no longer as bad, but still lingered. After getting home last night, he had tried to push you out of his mind, but failed miserably. It didn't help that he really and genuinely tried to clear the air with Grace, only for her to push him off and sleep on the far end of their bed.

"You alright? What's going on? I feel like I haven't seen you this stressed in a really long time. Last time was probably when you were planning your proposal." Jin softly chuckles, his head still tilted back.

"Yeah, it's been quite the shit show lately."

"Can't be that bad, can it? Have you and Grace been fighting?"

"A tad."

"A tad? The way you're acting right now says it's much more than a tad."

"We've been distant. Busy. We don't do things together anymore." He shortens the shpeel cause quite frankly, he's tired of repeating the story even though he hasn't told many people.

"Why don't you guys talk about it?"

"We can't communicate properly. I try, she gets even more upset and blows me off."

"It's probably just a rough patch in your relationship. I'm sure if you just give each other enough space, you could figure out how to fix things and have a serious conversation about where you both are at and what you need from each other. Remind each other that you're a team, and not working against each other." Jin's slightly shot his head up, his eyebrow raised.

"That's actually pretty solid advice coming from you."

"Shut up, you need help right?" Joon laughs.

"You're right though, it's just been hard. I feel like we've been constantly pushing each other away."

"You two are stubborn."

"Yup, that too." Jin sipped his water.

"I know that's not the only thing on your mind." If it was anyone in Jin's circle, you could count on Namjoon to figure things out before you can even say anything to him. "It's a little hard to believe you came over here to tell me this." In which, he's right. Jin never really talked about his relationship problems, let alone did he go out of his way to tell his friends what was going on. It was more of a thing that naturally came up in conversation when they were all together.

"Don't know what you're talking about." Joon shakes his head.

"Who is she?" Jin watches Namjoon's curious eyes as he leans into the palm of his hand. He was trying to come up with excuses or find ways to see himself out of his conversation, but he couldn't. Namjoon was too smart for this. If it were Yoongi or Hoseok, maybe he could get away with it. The only thing that Jin can come up with is a stupid smirk before he shakes his head and breaks eye contact. "See."

"See what?"

"That smirk. You can't tell me I don't know that smirk. I've been there before, dude. Who is she?" He repeats, causing Jin to succumb to defeat.

"She's a grad student in my creative writing class." Namjoon pauses before he bursts out in laughter.

"I need to sit back and get comfy on my couch for this." He says leaning back and crossing his arms. "She's a grad student? What's her name?" Jin nods.

"Y/N. 25 and so fucking attractive. It's frustrating." Jin groans into his hands.

"And you're telling me you see her more than just a distraction? I mean, I have to ask cause you are going through a rough patch with Grace." Although this is definitely not what Namjoon agrees with, he was only going to advise Jin on how to approach things. But execution-wise, it was up to Jin because this was his life. Namjoon was only part of it.

"She's smart, and she's fun. And.. she's refreshing."

"What did she do to make you feel this way?"

"She kissed me. In my classroom. And," Jin swallows the lump in his throat. "It happened again last night. It almost escalated into other things. But she stopped it." He quickly says because he can see Namjoon's facial expression changing. "She stopped it and she put me in my place because it just made things even more complicated. She said that we should keep our distance from each other."

"Which, she's right Jin. You really can't be doing this." Namjoon says sternly. "Please don't be stupid. This can hurt alot of people, especially since you're still engaged to Grace."

"I know, but likeeeeee--"

"No but's." Joon shook his head. Honestly, he didn't expect this behavior from Jin and it concerned him. "I can't force you on how to act, that's solely up to you. But you need to understand that it has to be one or the other, it can't be both. You either try and work things out with Grace and leave Y/N alone, or you call it quits with Grace."

"Y/N has been occupying my mind lately and it's been hard to push her out."

"Maybe that should be a sign as to what you need to do?" Joon sighs. "I don't know. I don't know her, so I can't say much, but are you really ready to throw away all these years with Grace for her? Like, is it really that serious?" Jin shrugged.

"I don't know, she doesn't want this."

"Correction - she doesn't want this because you're engaged. It's obvious that things would be different if the circumstances changed."

"I love Grace. A lot. We've been through so many things together, lots of ups and downs that taught us things."

"Yeah, and I love you both. I love Grace like a sister. But you can't stick around just because of history and because you both are comfortable, if that's what it really comes down to. It's not fair for both parties. If you find out that this is the end of your relationship with Grace, then it's the end."

"I'm just torn."

"Look, whatever you do, know that I support you no matter what and I'm always going to be here for you. But please do this right, no matter what that is. You can't have both of them."

"Yeah I know, I hear you." Joon nods.

"You're selfish, you know that?" Joon laughs. "You couldn't even introduce her to your single friends?" Jin smiled.

"Nope. Finders keepers." Joon rose his middle finger. "Just do me a favor and keep your mouth shut until I tell Yoongi and Hoseok myself."

"Sure, whatever. Not my battle anyways." He stood up and stretched. "So, where are we taking your little Jungkookie tonight?"

"The club so he can get some for his birthday."

"What a good older brother." Jin laughed.

"Is Grace in New York already?"

"Yep. I'm probably just going to head home and sleep until then. I don't remember the last time I stayed up this late, let alone the last time I went to a club."

"Yeah go home, and not to Y/N's house."

"Should I?" Jin joked, but Namjoon rolled his eyes. "I'm kidding, don't worry. Everything didn't just go in one ear and out the other."

"Yeah, please reassure me and tell me that I didn't waste time giving you advice."

"Oh my god, hurry up!" Jimin groaned loudly as he laid sloppily on your couch, getting restless while waiting for you, Ryujin and Taehyung to finish getting ready. To be fair, you all had been getting ready and fooling around for 2 hours, while Jimin sat patiently and watched whatever was on TV.

"Shut up, Jimin! I'm going to make sure I look good tonight." Ryujin yelled back.

"For who?"

"The dick I'll be getting."

"Why did I even ask?" Jimin sighed and dug his head into a pillow while you and Ryujin continued to yell and sing along loudly to every song that came through on your bluetooth speakers. "You all look good already, please, what else do you need to do?" He mumbled into the pillow. Don't get him wrong, he loves you all to death. He truly does. But it's just been such a long time since you all have gone out like this. He forgot what it was like.

"You know, she really means me." Taehyung tugged on his collar and swiped his thumb across his bottom lip.

"Okay, honestly. You two should probably fuck already. Get it out of your systems, you know?" You say as you dab lip gloss on your lips before shrugging and rolling your eyes. "Jesus Christ."

"Okay, no. You're supposed to be on my side, and that doesn't help." Ryujin's cheeks flush to a rosy tint as she pulls you aside. You knew damn well she was feeling embarrassed because it was true. She wanted to. Once Ryujin finally dusted herself off and was satisfied with her outfit, you both walked out into the living room to meet Jimin and Taehyung. Their eyes widened as they caught sight of you two, Ryujin in a pink, ruched dress with matching pink heels and you in a matching 2-piece skirt and low cut crop top.

"Oh shit, you both look good as hell." Taehyung says as he gets up and continues to eye both of you up and down. Mostly Ryujin, though. "Shall we head out?"

"Yup!" You say as you come to Jimin's side and lead the way out of your apartment. Jimin decided he'd drive tonight since he didn't feel like drinking too much, but he still wanted to go out and have fun. The crew headed to grab dinner at the Farmhouse Kitchen, which served the best Thai food in town. You all enjoyed some good grub, along with some really strong cocktails. You felt super happy that you all had time to finally do this since it's been a minute. You felt like you could finally let lose and get your mind off of things. The things that your dearest bestfriends don't even know about.

But, stories for other days. Tonight, you felt good and you looked good. You were all that and then some. Maybe tonight was the night you could meet a single, fine ass man to dance up on and act up with.

The cocktails were hitting you and Ryujin the most, already feeling tipsy before heading into the club.

"Wooooo!" Ryujin yelled before laughing out loud. "I'm ready!"

"Okay, yes, same, but please keep it together so we can at least make it inside the club." Jimin pleaded. He led your crew up to security, flashing your IDs one by one and paying for the cover fee before stepping in to the already packed nightclub. You and your friends ended up walking in a straight line, holding each other's hands to navigate through the crowd to the bottom floor. The top floor was the most crowded, being it was the house / EDM floor, while the bottom Hip Hop floor wasn't too jammed packed.

"Shots, my friends?" Taehyung asks as he swings over to the front of the bar. You follow behind him and line up against the bartender, asking for some good ol' Don Julio tequila. It wasn't your fave, but it was definitely Taehyung's go-to, and you can't lie, it got the job done quick for you. You all stick around the bar to take your shots, kicking them back to back [besides Jimin] to really get this night started.

As you waited for the final around, Taehyung is scanning the room and notices a group loudly making their way from down the steps and over to the bar. They were cheering on whoever the birthday boy was. A face in the group had looked familiar, so Taehyung squints his eyes to get a better look, and realizes its no other than Jin with his friends.

"Oh, shit! Look! Mr. Kim's here!" Taehyung laughs and says loudly, pointing towards the other end of the bar.

"Is he really?! Let's go take a shot with him and his friends!" Ryujin squeals as she sees him come into full view. You too, get a glimpse of him as they approach the bar and suddenly, you felt hot and nervous - the alcohol being of no help during this time. He looked good, and he didn't look like the already-handsome-professor you had. His hair was more natural, slightly curly, and almost like he had showered and let it messily air dry. The look was perfect on him. Not gonna lie, you were somewhat happy he was here to see how good you looked and part of you really wanted him to crave you until he couldn't take it anymore. You wanted to drive him crazy, and little did you know that you already were. It was a game you didn't mind playing, especially since you knew you couldn't have him.

You shouldn't.

"Ayeeeee! Mr. Kim!" Taehyung's ass yells with Ryujin cheering in the back. He does nothing but flash that smile of his while chuckling. His friends are all really handsome as well, one especially caught your eye with the way his wavy black hair fell down his eyes as he stood against the bar in black ripped jeans and a button up shirt. He seemed to be the youngest out of the group, but you were just assuming.

"Let's take a shot! On me!" Ryujin yells as she runs over with her loud ass. You follow behind her with Taehyung and Jimin, slightly hiding behind Jimin since you were feeling a little shy and awkward at this encounter. The events of the past days just flashed before your eyes, and you can feel Jin's eyes burning holes through you from your peripherals.

"These are your students?" You overhear as one of them looks behind at Jin and laughs.

"Yup." Is all he says, hands deep into his pockets.

"That's her isn't it?" Namjoon says in his ear, loud enough to make sure its clear over the music blasting. Jin simply looks at him without saying a word before returning his attention back on Jungkook, who he noticed was eyeing you. The look said everything to Namjoon.

"Do you know her?" Jungkook points at you and Jin nods.

"Why?"

"Why? She's gorgeous." His eyes light up, causing Namjoon to slightly choke and laugh behind Jin.

"Go for it." Is all Jin says. He's honestly livid right now, because the thought of someone else being able to get a taste of you while he hasn't fucks him up.

"Ohhh, boy." Namjoon sighs. "I hope you're truly over her or else it's going to get really fucked up, you know that right?"

"Don't worry about it." He says, dismissing him as he takes the shot from Yoongi's hand and immediately downs it.

"Hey." The black-haired cutie that caught your eye pushed his way through the group to come into full view. "I'm Jungkook."

"Y/N." You lightly shake his hand before tucking a strand behind your ear.

"I just wanted to say that you're absolutely gorgeous." He says cutely, his hands tucked into his pockets.

"Aw, thank you. That's so sweet."

"I, uh—"

"It's his 23rd birthday today!" One of the guys against the bar yells, grabbing Jungkook's shoulders and playfully massaging it.

"Yeah, it's his birthday Y/N! Give the boy some love!" Ryujin winked from where she was at.

"Happy Birthday." You chuckled as he nods.

"Thanks. Maybeeeee you can bless me with a dance after this shot?" He asked shyly. Boy, was he fucking attractive. You could see his thighs poking through the rips of his jeans, his sharp collarbone poking out from the unbuttoned portion of his shirt and his arm muscles defined even in the dark.

"Yeah, I'd love to." You leaned back against the bar as he stood next to you, waiting for the round of shots to come. "Are these your friends?" He chuckled.

"More like big brothers? That's Yoongi, that's Hoseok and that's Namjoon. They're Jin's friends. Jin is my stepbrother." You swallowed the lump in your throat as you quickly glance at Jin, who's side-eyeing you as he leans against the bar. You have got to be fucking kidding me. God was truly testing you.

"Ohhhh." You respond. "That's sweet of them to take you out."

"I honestly didn't wanna do much, let alone come to the club. It's not really my thing, but I'm glad I did or else I wouldn't have met you." He smiled, his smile being just as perfect as his stepbrother's.

"I'm glad I could make your birthday a good one after all." Ryujin suddenly comes to your side and gives your arm a good squeeze.

"He's a cutie! You better hop on that since Mr.Kim is taken." She says in your ear, pulling you into a hug.

"That's his stepbrother."

"Even better!" She exclaims, making you shake your head. You all gather and take the last round of shots in honor of Jungkook's birthday and shit gets wild, quick. Your group led them to the dance floor, partying together like you had known them since forever. It didn't feel awkward at all knowing it was Jin and group of friends, but it did get awkward when you felt the tension with Jin every time you were near him. He didn't like seeing you dance all up on his stepbrother, getting all handsy and touchy-feely when just the other night, you were straddling his lap, ready to risk it all.

Hell, what was he gonna do though? He couldn't do shit. Not with his people around, especially Namjoon.

You knew this. He didn't have to say anything for you to know he wasn't a fan of it. You'd catch him looking at you throughout the night, his eyes hungry and almost dark. Let's get this straight - there's no bad blood here. You're not mad or bitter [slightly]. You're just having your fun because you're single and can do whatever the fuck you want. You know he wants you, what's wrong with a little tease?

A couple of songs have passed and Ryujin has made her way through Taehyung, Yoongi and Namjoon, and now she was back to doing her own thing on the dance floor. Jimin has had a couple of ladies welcome themselves onto his lap, and he gladly accepted. You loved seeing Jimin have fun and you especially loved when girls swooned at the sight of him because he was deserving of it and he was mighty good looking. He always worked hard and never gave himself a break.

You, on the other hand, had been stuck to the hip with Jungkook and you had brought him deeper into the dance floor, away from the group just to get a little alone time. You had danced up on him majority of the night, his muscular arms always gently bringing you back against his body. You both were feeling some type of way with the alcohol running through your veins, but you weren't complaining one bit. Alcohol or not, Jungkook was fine.

"So, are you going to let me take you out on a date?" Jungkook asks in your ear, causing you to bite onto your bottom lip.

"I'd love to go out on a date with you." You face him, his smile going from ear to ear as he nods and starts taking down your number. To be honest, you could be here all night with him, but you decided you needed a break from all this dancing and from the crowded dance floor. You quickly excuse yourself to the bathroom, suddenly needing to break the seal really badly and freshen up. As you were exiting the bathroom, Jin was also exiting the men's bathroom at the same time. You both locked eyes, with you breaking the contact with a small, toothless smile before walking off.

"Y/N." He says, gently grabbing your wrist and pulling you back towards him. His body is against the back wall, both of your groups distant and not as visible from where you're standing. He looks down at you, his hand still wrapped around your wrist.

"Jin."

"You haven't said one word to me all night."

"I'm trying to keep my distance from you, remember?"

"You know that's not necessary." His hand was now on the small of your back, fingers gently caressing your back in small circles.

"It is. You know what you do to me." You say as you look down at his lips. Truthfully.

"And so do you." You can feel his breath against your skin and it sends goosebumps down your entire body. You're trying your hardest right now to not get turned on by this man, let alone throw yourself onto him. "This isn't fair, you know?"

"I gotta get back to everyone." You say, slightly pulling back.

"Just for the record," He gently pulls you back, his other hand lifting your chin. "Jungkook might have you right now, but I know in the end you'll be coming home to me and that's all that matters." He lets go of your wrist and walks away, leaving you slightly dumbfounded at the way he stood his ground like that. Your panties felt soaked, and you wanted nothing more but to ride this man into the next dimension. He was truly testing you, and quite frankly, you could burst any minute now.

"You okay?" Jimin says, lightly squeezing your arm. "You were gone for awhile."

"Yeah, long line." You lied.

"We're thinking about heading out, you good with that?" You nod silently. You look around to see Ryujin flirting with Yoongi and Namjoon, making you shoot him a look. "Not me, all you. Go get her." He shakes his head, chuckling.

"Alright, I need to say bye to Jungkook anyways."

"Oooh, Jungkook." He wiggles his eyebrows. You make your way over to the area that Jin and his friends are occupying, prying Ryujin's drunk ass away. You give Jungkook a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek, letting him know you'd be waiting for his text.

Finally, you all headed out of the club and into Jimin's car, Ryujin being the first drop off of the night. Thank God he had decided to drive, because all three of you were still pretty tipsy and in no condition to get behind the wheel.

"Y/N, listen to me. You need to hop on Jungkook because he's fine as fuck!" Ryujin's drunk ass yells in the backseat as Jimin is making his way to her house.

"Ouch, Ry, stop kicking my chair." Jimin whines.

"Y/N, did you hear me?"

"I hear you loud and clear, Ry. Thank you." You laugh.

"And you, Jimin! I hope you grabbed a ton of numbers because there were tons of pretty ladies feeling you tonight and you need a girl!"

"Perfect, thank you for pointing out how single I am." He says, making Taehyung snorts.

"What about me?"

"Shut up, Tae. You don't need shit. Mind your own business." You and Jimin laugh in your seats.

"Also, Mr. Kim was really eyeing the hell out of you tonight, Y/N." She adds, making you sigh silently to yourself.

"Actually, I concur." Jimin chimes in. "He couldn't keep his eyes off of you."

"Mistress Y/N." Taehyung calls out, causing you to turn and pinch him on the leg. If you haven't gotten it by now, Tae loves to tease the fuck out of you by calling you a mistress. It's been his thing since you got all googly-eyed for him. And you hated it. You truly wanted to fight him every single time.

"It was nothing. He was probably just drunk."

"Sure." Jimin responds. "Call it what you want, he was definitely feeling you tonight." The ride goes silent, which, you're happy that none of them are pressing on it. You were not trying to get caught up at this moment.

Ryujin gets dropped off before Jimin makes his way to your apartment, parking in the yellow passenger/loading zone. Taehyung is knocked out in the back seat, while Jimin throws his hazards on and walks you to the front door of the lobby.

"Thanks for driving, Chim." He smiles and pulls you into a hug.

"No prob. Call me if you need me?" You nod. You walk in and get into the elevator, Jimin and his car disappearing in sight. You take a deep breath and sigh because you had been having an internal battle since the moment you stepped out of the club.

You were losing.

You stepped out of the elevator, only to step into your apartment to quickly freshen up and throw on comfier clothes. You find yourself heading back downstairs to meet your Uber. You knew exactly where you were going and you knew exactly what you were doing.

But you didn't give a fuck. You had been dying to get your needs fulfilled and the only person you wanted was a quick 25 minute Uber trip away.

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