#im trying my best not to cry right now | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chuckchuck228 · 4 months

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I am so discussed by my art. I like only a few arts. Everything else is awful and discussing. I could've done better. And I don't deserve all the love that I get.

In the past I already didn't drew everything that was in my head because I was afraid that people won't like it. Now I don't like it.

I see improvement, yes. But it doesn't help.

This feeling hunts me for years but no matter how much I've hated the piece, I always posted it. Now I feel even more terrible when I understand that people will see this. Even if they would love it. I would hate it more.

I want to tell myself that I'm getting better mentally but I am getting worse and I know it. So worse that I can't post my art at all.

I am sorry

#vent #chuck talk #in a nushell i will not post my art for some time #i am sorry #im trying my best not to cry right now #im not quitting #i am just extremely tired

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missrosegold · 16 days

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Looks like I just lost another close friend to guy who isn't worth a pile of dog shit. 😊

#my best friend no less #i cried about this shit practically all afternoon but i'm all out of tears and now i'm just pissed off.#this shit has been going on for a long ass time but i've finally reached my breaking point with it #i love her #but she is delusional #and it kills me to say that #but that whole “relationship” (if you even want to call it that) is fake. all he cares about is money not her #the worst part is that she knows it too #oh but she “loves him” and “wants to give him one last chance” girl what the fuck?#oh but better yet he dumped her once 2 years ago already and i've hated his punk ass since #never should've gotten back tother after that and i told her as much even back then #all he does is make her cry #not do anything arount their town house #and sit on his ass and watch tv or sleep when he's not working #that's the tame stuff too i could say sooo much worse but i'm actually not trying to air her dirty laundry out her #i'm just pissed off #but suddenly IM the bad guy when tell her i won't support her or this “relationship” when she told me they were getting back together today #this is after i helped her and her parents ans brother move all her stuff out of the town house last Monday and back to her parents place #after she told me they were done for good #but IM the bad guy for bringing up all of fhe reasons listed above and all of the REALLY bad things about the relationship #when i tell her i won't be supporting her any longer and that i'll be walking away if she goes back to him #best part is her family agrees with me and they tell her all the things i say about him and then some #but when i go out on the line and put my heart down on the table for her and all i get back is a text saying:#“i don't really like how you're texting right now so we'll talk about this later.”#girl #i don't know whether or not i want to cry harder or strangle her #i think it's both #so yeah i think i just lost my best friend to a guy who doesn't remotly deserve her and everything kicks rocks rn #it's just like my other friend all over again #why do my friend have such dog shit taste in men

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unproduciblesmackdown · 9 months

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also was revisiting a little bmc bway interview ft. william last night & him saying his favorite part of the show was probably doing the agtikbi reprise scene on the couch at the party & mentioning the Nonverbal aspect of jeremy & christine's interacting / communicating there & a way of exploring/depicting Love & Affection in a way you don't always see everywhere and like aaaarghhhhh so true good lord that specific scene. and Again the bway obcr version Existing and being like that, it's just like. winded exhale yeah obsessed 5ever thank you all

#sooo true so true....#bmc #love putting it right in like the eye of the storm #both of them basically just having had these breakups & with jeremy that means mitb scene And [all of that A Time he had prior]#also now reflecting on how you know obviously he was Not ready to hear it w/michael & ofc he was affected by what all Just happened #but it's also like probably the worst time to be very pushy even with the best intentions & thinking it's Urgent & right abt all that lmao #but jeremy's Just had like whoops autonomy revoked ten ways to sunday from two different squip figures like #even [being correct! having jeremy's wellbeing in mind!] behind trying to yank him into some outcome; he's gonna be like Not Again #& ofc the sunk cost re: his squip & he has not had time to catch his breath like literally; not in a place to Confront Shit #if even his missed bestie is; from his perspective here; not at all comforting & not giving him what he feels is a real option....#& anyways ofc we can sympathize / understand them both b/c that's what the show is giving at all moments re all characters #all this to say like jeremy & christine like having such a time being very at sea very uncomfortable but then having This moment #and the refreshment & relief finally of having this successful genuine connection & relative security being with this person rn #love & affection for sure....just say what's on your mind....lord first of all that they improvise those Noises every night. i'm gonna cry #second of all imagining not knowing how that scene goes & the pause & jeremy like [augh] & then christine just Yes Anding. aaaugh #head in hands haven't even relistened for a moment despite all this reflection. the downtempo quiet reprise waaah #it's Pretty killer to sit & chat with you....it's pretty killer for me too....sooo true Not getting this everywhere always & Waaugh ;;m;;#and wasn't even thinking of it as a joke like [and talking about devote specific focus on the Nonverbal aspect of such a scene: im putting #my hands on the shoulders of that & keep drawing a deep breath to start talking abt it but instead going Whew & making Expressions]#i.e. the significance of my nonverbal response as per conveying emotions & thoughts lmao. and just....You Know

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strwbrymlkshake · 6 months

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I am trying so hard but it still isn't ENOUGH FOR YOU? DON'T YOU SEE HOW HARD I'VE BEEN TRYING?

#mine #normally i've been good about not being too upset over things #but oh fucking boy. okay. im glad people are scared of me #i hope they know that im the only right one in the whole world and they are wrong and are justified for fearing me and im glad my existence #will turn them off from sharing their wrong opinions. but oh FUCKING BOY? ive been sitting here the whole time like oh they hate me #oh they hate me so much they want me to die wahhh and im trying to do all the things they like because im for some reason fucking bothered #by their other opinions. even though the people themselves are useless trash #and oh. like i was suspecting it but its finally confirmed huh??? you all cant fucking stand the sight of me because im right?#you dont understand the truth?? they hated him because he told them the truth? thats me as fuck rn dude #i am literally gracing your eyes with the content i make and basically hand feeding you the correct opinions to have #and yet you still reject them! people just love being stupid unfortunately. i want to kill them all.#i would be so much nicer if you all just agreed with me on the objective truth but unfortunate you have to be stupid #i have graced you with so many GIFTS and protected you from my wrath so many times but you do not even give a fuck #WHY AM I CRYING. YOU ARE ALL SO USELESS WHY AM I CRYING!!! MAYBE ITS BECAUSE YOU DONT AGREE?#i guess im crying because they are all so stupid #so what im saying is its very unfortunate that everyone does not worship me and all my opinions and the world is very hard. yes.#friendship ended with self hatred now delusions of grandeur are my new best friend #even trhing to explain myself makes me sound like a shithead but i swear to fuck if you all just listened to me like youre supposed to #then absolutely nothing would ever go wrong! but you all had to be stupid on purpose! do you like being wrong? whats your problem #explaining all the reasons im RIGHT and yet i still feel bad for having the gall to do so. i shouldnt feel bad. im doing great. youre just #uncomfortable in the fact that YOURE wrong and making me have to accomodate you for your wrongness? tf is that about #okay lunatic rant over i have finished crying ☝️

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asmallcafethatslove · 6 months

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went to get some stationary for my upcoming placement and coming back to my desk to watch two lectures for this one course because someone from the last batch suggested that we should have two lectures instead of one 😵‍💫

#i am really trying my best not to lose it right now 😭#the fact that i dont even know where im going for placement and that it starts next week? while still balancing all of my uni courses #that are p much content-heavy 😭😭😭#i feel like im on auto pilot mode everyday. god.#icant keep crying also bc my tear duct feels so empty and dry LMFAO idk if this makes sense but thats how it feels like rn

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vamptastic · 1 year

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i think my constant seething rage is honestly very reasonable. i literally live in florida.

#got in argument with a guy the other day abt idk. trans athletes #was basically him trying to explain what the issue is to me (i know. that's kinda step one to having an opinion on it.)#and then going yeah huh i guess you're actually right (i was)#and i was like okay great cool we're done here let me go to class and he starts talking about like #how he still loves trump for this and that reason kinda unprompted (sorry you lost an argument dude go introspect somewhere else im LATE)#and i was like yeah idk abt that. on account of all the corruption. and the foreign policy youre saying is like manly macho man strong is #mostly just wildly stupid posturing that's going to achieve nothing at best and world war at worst #and he goes no don't worry i think DESANTIS would be better for 2024 actually #and i. UNDERSTANDBLY. was like oh okay i cannot speak to you (because i am visibly shaking with rage)#and he goes well i think you are misattributing my intentions (cunt.)#and i said no no i don't think you're malicious i just think you're stupid and wildly misinformed #and then left bc i was about to either hit him or start crying (bc that guy has been like very tangibly ruining my life for months #and i genuinely cannot fathom what fucking tax issue or whatever one would value over like. my right to idk. Exist atp.#and also this coming from someone who just tried to be like no i know so many trans people i love trans ppl im not like those conservatives #like try to dig deep down into whatever rotted husk of a brain is left in your skull and fathom why i might have a strong reaction to your #support for DESANTIS and the SPACE LASERS WOMAN #you fucking idiot.)#and was that civil. No. and now i have to apologize to him bc i feel bad about it even though i fully meant it #idk its what i get for trying to change peoples minds with stupid things like #' statistics ' and ' a utilitarian perspective ' and ' existing legal basis for my argument '#guys so wrapped up in their right wing bubble they just dont wanna hear it #n they always assume i mustve not heard their talking points and its like look at where we fucking live #and look at the state of the world. NOBODY in any form of mainstream news shares my politics lmao #you think i havent heard every conceivable argument abt trans people??? also you think im dumb enough to form an opinion without looking at #the other side? yeah man i know about the three trans women who have ever won a sports competition ever. do you?#do you even know their fucking names or sports or trial outcomes.#GOD just fucking. pseudo intellectual facist horseshit like pragru and infowars masquerading as legítimate sources #are making so many dumbass illiterate (i truly don't think they have the reading comprehension to decifer a study or even long article)#guys think they're gods gift to politics bc they listened to someone else tell them what a source says through ten layers of propaganda #just. uh. everyone should die forever and also learn to read.

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halinski · 1 year

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#listen i know i like work at a vet clinic and every animal that comes in gets showered in love #even the little assholes that are trying to bite my head off while theyre defecating all over my shirt yknow #like we absolutely try to make the best out of the visits!!!#so there is nothing bad about going to thw vet!!!#right!!!#and yet i like wanna cry about tkaing my baby for his yearly shots 😭😭😭😭#while i go for monthly shots #i went like 2 hours ago today for mine #but now i gotta go ptetend like im not anxious af socially on my own and agoraphobic and like fucked up in so many other ways #AND THEN ADDITIONALLY ANCIOUS FOR HIM #AND WEEPY ABOUT HIM BEING ANXIOUS #AND GONNA BE CRYING BC HES CRYING #AND LIKE AHHH #I DONT WANNA TAKE HIM TO THE VET #i dont take him to my workplace bc there is a closer vet than my clinic and i dont want him stressed for so long #and im not allowed to take home vaccinations and do it myself so #*sigh*#ignore me

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theunconcernedembalmer · 1 year

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Mr Gatto, do you like doing your job? Is it something you enjoy doing?

(Also take care of yourself Mun! :D)

Even after everything... I don't think I will be changing my job anytime soon.

#identity v #aesop carl #identity v embalmer #identity v ask blog #identity v the embalmer #gatto event #hi anon thanks for the concern XD #im doing alright i just have this insane depressive block that has been impeding y creative processes #so ive been trying a lot of things to get out of it #one option is to wait it out but im miserable doing nothing. so i will force it out and feel slightly better that at least i did something #i probably should have spaced oout my posts i clear the inbox really really quickly #ill try to get some stuff out while i can. since im free for the month before work resumes n i disappear again #seriously though its frustrating sitting down staring at a blank canvas for 10 mins with 0 ideas and low energy #and then resigning myself to going back to lying down and mindlessly scrolling twitter or whatever #every single time i try to do something i end up back on my bed. for days on end. it makes me want to throw myself down a flight of stairs #at least with asks i have something to work towards and thats so much better even if i do end up back on the bed afterwards #this sounds like a very pathetic show of begging for asks. which i guess it is???#its just that. i used to have so many ideas. i used to draw so many comics. i want to cry every time i compare that with myself now #has work killed off so much of my creativity? probably. but i just really want it back. so im trying my best #i didnt mean to get this emotional in the tags but this is really something ive been struggling with a lot right now #so if u have the time to spare. just drop something dumb in my inbox. it helps a great deal. much greater than i can express #but anyway if ur reading this im still very grateful for the support u have shown to the blog in one way or another.#so thank you very much n i hope the day will treat you kindly #less than three

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stardustfanfare · 11 months

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#mom says that the reason she didnt comfort me while i was having one of the biggest meltdowns of my life was cus i wouldnt tell her what was #wrong and i clearly was capable #like i hate to tell you but just because im technically capable doesnt mean i can communicate easily #im too upset to be able to communicate my thoughts to you about why im upset #she literally told me that its annoying when i cry and scream without telling her whats wrong #she said and i quote I could ask anyone in the world and all of them would be annoyed by this #she said if i just said Sorry i cant calm down i cant talk right now that would be fine like hello? is that not fucking obvious?#i said wouldnt this (being a more concerning thing) make you more sympathetic and she said no it just makes me more annoyed and this is the #normal response #she said even when normal people are throwing up and retching they can communicate whats wrong #that im just pretending to not be able to talk to her to manipulate her and that im being disrespectful by intentionally getting louder and #more disruptive #my parents are convinced i do things on purpose to guilt trip them all the time and i dont understand it because theyve known me for #my whole life and thats the most out of character thing i could ever possibly do but they wont even consider that im not doing that #i asked her why she didnt believe me when i said i wasnt manipulating her and she said I do believe you! when did i ever say i didnt #i dont understand. shes convinced that every normal person behaves like her #and the worst of it is i know shes trying her best and yet still refuses to acknowledge the fact that #I DONT FUCKING MAKE MYSELF MORE MISERABLE ON PURPOSE!#she doesnt seem to understand that overreaction can be conscious and still unavoidable #like yes its not like if i tried i absolutely couldnt calm down and talk to you #but thats not helpful! i dont WANT to try because i am screaming so hard that mythroat will be sore for an entire day!#because i am upset!#i am too upset to care that i can tecxhnically stop #i just dont understand why its so hard to believe im not manipulating her when im genuinely upset #i dont understand why she looks at me like a loose screw. something annoying but not something worth fixing #its always bad enough to warrant anger and never bad enough to warrant a solution #because im crazy but im fine and im not disabled at all

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ei-mugi · 1 year

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yknow what maybe it was good that i never got more than 1 req for drawing anything ever because i did not ever complete that. soz. and i dont even post art t o my enstars art account i made specifically for posting enstars art. woopsi. i havent posted anything at all for a week have i

#ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm #: 3 i dont have a reason #yeah life ig but also i just have not wanted to #anyway reqs still open!!!!!!!!!! :zany_face: en.stars fans are fond of a crazy roulette right #idc its not like i built up an audience here or anything theres nobody like screaming crying begging for my uh. whatever i draw #maybe tumblr user ei.mugi should be posting more ei.mugi #havent udpated my fic in ages either but maybe procrastinating my assignments now that im back at uni will inspire me #trying to save my brainpower for the bi.gbang tho #its getting there!!! its getting there....dcaf i mean... i have SOME of ch4 written....#im just =w= yeah. hehe. hai btw if youre reading his boyfie < 3333 mwahmwah #i got that health issue swag. the bad bitches i pulled by being so so sleepy #i think like more than a month ago in the bi.gbang server i was like lol guys what if i made an ask account and then i forgot IMMEDIATELY #for the best . probably #yeahhhhhh #twiddles my fingies #yeahhh.

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flintbian · 2 years

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Man, life is just depressing right now