#while deep down i smirk bc i know a secret they dont: underneath the skin is a nebula. a canyon. a coral reef. a forest fire. idfk
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is there an alternative to dykefag/fagdyke for people who aren’t attracted to anyone really. like i just want the gender of it
#smudgy.txt#i hate gender its so confusing#yes i want to be seen as a man. im not one but i want to be seen as one#growing up i felt gender envy for girls that looked like boys AND boys that looked like girls. i wanted to be them so bad#nonbinary doesnt feel right man feels like too much woman feels like too little#girl was the white sheet with eyes cut out i wore my whole life & now im trying to remove the sheet but#going full on to Guy feels like im just putting on another damn sheet#nonbinary too#xenogender feels the best but i couldnt tell u what flavor#i feel. divine. like space. holy#i look at myself in the mirror & feel. lost? like im looking at something that shouldnt be there#when i see other black trans men who've been on T i want to cry bc the thought i could be like them feels like home#but right now i feel like a formless thing some creature that used to float in space before being#forcibly pulled down to earth by fate. or gravity#i feel like i should have claws and horns and sharp teeth and a tail#i also feel like ppl should default to calling me Sir#while deep down i smirk bc i know a secret they dont: underneath the skin is a nebula. a canyon. a coral reef. a forest fire. idfk#its late & im tired & i should be getting ready for bed but instead im letting my brain wander (bad idea!!!!!)#& dysphoria is making gender feelings consume me. pouts
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