#im too tired to put this under a readmore

[sunsage]

🕯️ sup

send me 🕯️to hear my character's inner thoughts about your character.

He really doesn't get it.

Sun Wukong isn't new to forgiveness, having granted it many times and occasionally (though not very often) being offered it in turn. And he's not... new to the concept of forgiving someone you loved who hurt you greatly either.

(But there is a wide gap between being forgiven and having what they once had.)

But he just can't see why Macaque keeps coming back to him. Back in their world, he could always assume it was mostly because of MK, since the kid was first to make an offer of friendship. Amidst the constant threats to the realm's stability, the safest place to be is among the people you could trust to protect you.

(And if Macaque can trust MK but not him, that's fine.)

But why does he still cling to Monkey King's side here? In this place that seems to thrive on change and new experiences, where none of their (his, mostly) enemies were trying to end the world and death was temporary, why would Macaque need to trail him all over the city, spend so much time in his house and sleep in his bed?

That's what he doesn't get.

Macaque is strong, smart and capable. He is handsome and charming and, once you get used to his acerbic sense of humor, quite funny. He can dazzle any audience and get himself out of any situation, death included. He is (despite whatever image he is trying to project) a kind, brave and extremely loyal person. He doesn't need to be anyone's shadow anymore. He can be anywhere he wanted, doing anything he wanted.

So why would he want to be here? With him?..

Wukong doesn't know if Macaque wants to be friends (he doesn't even dare to wish for anything more, not in a thousand years at least). He doesn't know if he just wants to pretend none of that ever happened (they are not going to do that). He doesn't know what he can say or do or give to make things between them better.

...He does know that they need to talk about it. All of it. Except every time he opens his mouth he says something wrong and Macaque scowls at him or fires back with one of his favourite cutting remarks or leaves. So he backs down (like a coward), because Wukong would rather keep them in this weird neither here nor there place than risk actually hurting Macaque again.

(It scares him to think that maybe he just doesn't know how to not hurt him again. Sometimes he wishes Macaque would really just leave so he doesn't have this hope that maybe-)

...

It's not his place to push or to rush things, not this time. Sun Wukong is a patient man, these days. If there is one thing he can do it's to let Macaque figure it out on his own terms. And if he needs to stay close while he does that, that's fine too. He can wait for Macaque to make up his mind even if takes another five hundred years. And he will. He will be right here, always, waiting for it.

Because someone you love is always worth waiting for.

[mapleshmaple]

wheres the fuckign '(looking in a mirror) wish you wernet so fuckin' awkward, bud' post. pretend its here.

maybe its the fact that hte funeral was yesterday and my aunts and uncles are like. tearing each other apart and unrerstandably heavily grieving and my moms caught in the middle of everyone being shitty at each other and i dont know how to make it better but. god. god.

i want to have energy to talk to people and be engaging and charming nshit bc i need to reach out to keep friendships going/make friendships etc btu its like trying to pour out of an empty cup. like theres this timer for it too and its jsut looming there everpresent and whatever comes out of my mouth doesnt fucking make any sense!!! like i take too long to say it and with too many words or not ENOUGH words and jsut. use up all my socializing energy at work and dont have any left over for me.

[mikanferno]

Hello! Your isat siblings au is very good and now has me wondering about how stuff like Sif's wish might play out differently since they're not so horribly isolated. How do they end up thinking about discovering that they're an Islander if they've grown up more constantly reminded of their memory problems (the people who taught him vaugardian are people he's still living and traveling with)?

Unrelated but brain still whirring, do you think the way Sif and Bonny end up joining the party would end up looking different?

i explained the islander thing a few asks ago, but its because nille noticed they were! nille was also a teen when the island dissapeared, and, in the game, shes the one who taught bonnie how big of a deal it was! so of course she'd know. she's from the northern coast, after all :3 (im still figuring out sif's wish btw)

about how they meet the party, though! i was writing that scene just a few days ago, so i'll put that under a readmore :3

"It's fine, we're fine, Bug-"

Bonnie pushed weakly at Siffrin's arms, a pout in their face, "You keep saying that, but you look like crab, Frin."

The cloaked one sighed, "Language."

Bonnie huffed. Siffrin smiled.

He stared at the road ahead, and fixed Bonnie's position so they wouldn't fall, and continued walking.

It had been days (weeks? close to a month? he'd lost count and despite all of his "progress" he still couldn't bring himself to ask Bonnie for help with this one) since they'd had to run from Bambouche, and while he liked to think himself a capable adult, the sudden change to traveling on his own after living comfortably with Nille and Bonnie for almost a decade, now, had thrown them for a loop.

They were hungry, tired, and stressed. He had managed to keep Bonnie fed well enough, but he didn't risk staying anywhere for too long, fearing the curse catching up to them.

Catching up to him, and leaving Bonnie alone, like it had caught up to Nille. Catching up to Bonnie-

He tried not to think too hard.

His legs shook with every step. Bonnie was not too heavy for them to carry, of course not, but they were exhausted.

He set them down.

“Frin?” Bonnie asked, tilting their head.

“Break time.” He stated, slumping down next to them.

Bonnie nodded easily, laying their head on his shoulder, “Do you think.. that we will find a clean town?”

Clean town, dirty town… That’s how they’d taken to differentiating curse affected towns from normal ones. Bonnie had come up with it.

They were yet to find a clean town.

“Maybe. But only after tomorrow, Bug.” There was no use promising a certain date, but wording it like that was kinder, he thought.

“You think so?”

Siffrin smiled. “Yeah, for sure, Bon.”

He'd just had to make sure to word it differently, next time.

Then, suddenly, out of the corner of their eye...

They rested there for a few minutes. The forest was not quiet, as wind was picking up, making the leaves rustle loudly.

A sadness. Paper type, by the looks of it.

They hurried to stand so they could pick Bonnie and run, but…

Three people were fighting it.

Well.. fighting it seemed like a stretch. It looked like they were struggling against it, in Siffrin's personal opinion.

Really struggling. One of them was K.O.’d, the other looked like a rock type, and the other…

He swallowed. He looked at Bonnie, who was dozing off in his arms, and made a decision.

"Bon, hey," he nudged them, and they turned to him, "Stay here for a sec, I will be right back, okay?"

Bonnie blinked, and nodded, their eyes full of trust.

Siffrin smiled, patted their shoulder.

Then, he lunged forward.

"AH!!" One of the strangers exclaimed, and fell back in surprise. He ignored him, and attacked the sadness with their favorite attack, and exclaimed:

"Knife to meet you!" as they attacked.

He fell on his feet, the sadness poofing behind him, and he huffed a shaky breath. He then turned to the strangers, an easy smile on his face, "Hello," he waved.

They stared silently for a few seconds.

The one in the middle- a girl- smiled wide, and reached forward to grab their hand, "Hello! Thank you so much for your help!" She beamed.

Siffrin jolted a bit from the sudden contact, but smiled back, "It was, uh, it was no problem!"

One of the other two who were hanging back, an older lady, nodded along, "Yes, thank you." She said, looking out of breath, "That sadness..."

"Was tough! Really tough!" The other person exclaimed, "I could barely get a hit in!"

"Good thing I took it by surprise then-" Siffrin said, turning back his head to look for Bonnie, "I- nice to meet you, really, but-"

"Wait, wait, wait!" The girl said, not letting go of his hand, "Quest! We're on a quest, to stop the king's curse!!"

Siffrin turned back to her quickly at that, "The... curse? Like the freezing?"

"Yes!" She beamed, "And you seem strong! Won't you join us?"

Siffrin blinked, gaping a little, "Me?"

"Yes, you!" The girl insisted.

"I-" They paused, thinking. If they could help them... then, Nille...

"Okay, I'll help!" He said resolutely.

The man behind the girl put a hand on her shoulder, "Mira! Won't you introduce us?" 

She blushed, "Right! I'm Mirabelle, I'm immune to the King's curse! He," She pointed to the man, "Is Isabeau, and she," She pointed to the lady who was still catching her breath, "Is Madame Odile! What's your name?"

Siffrin smiled, "I'm Siffrin- and I have my little sibling with me back there," He pointed back to the bushes with his thumb, and took a step back, "I'll uh, be right back?"

Mirabelle's eyebrows shot up in surprise, "Oh! Oh, uh! Sure!"

He quickly ran back to his sibling, trying to calm his still racing heart, "Bonnie, you can come out now." He said, pushing aside a bush.

Bonnie's head popped up behind it, "Was that a sadness?" They asked, "I heard people. Did we find a town?"

Siffrin ruffled their hair, making them groan playfully, "No, but I did find some nice people who say they're gonna stop the freezing."

Bonnie stood up, surprised, "REALLY?"

He smiled, "Yes, really! They want us to tag along, what do you think?" He asked gently, already knowing the answer.

"CRAB YEAH!" Bonnie exclaimed, excited, "Nille- she- she's gonna be okay!!!" They smiled a toothy grin, relieved.

Siffrin nodded, patting their shoulder, "Yeah, yeah."

He took their hand in theirs, and walked back to Mirabelle's party. They ignored how tired they felt, and gave everyone a easy smile.

Chin up, Siffrin. You've got a sister to save.

[seththemusehub]

everyone intimidates the shit out of me. yes even people I have been friends with and talk to daily for years. because of some bullshit that happened pretty regularly throughout my childhood and teen years. I don't know that I've actually mentioned it to anybody before, but it's why I'm always anxious to start conversations. putting it under a readmore so you don't gotta get blasted in the face by stupid if you don't care.

okay, so. grade school. regularly would have people I thought were my friends, because (at least I THOUGHT) they acted like they were, and always somehow ended in 'oh my god you're annoying go away' blowups weeks to months to even YEARS later. middle and high school that shit happened often too, actually. people were 'too polite' to tell me they weren't interested and instead just...put up with excitable, very autistic does-not-understand-non-verbal-cues-unless-they-are-blatant, kid me, until they decided they couldn't stand it anymore.

online was different, I thought. if people didn't like something I said or did online, they'd TELL me that, more often than not. I used to visit a specific forum back when I was like 13-14 and talk to people there, and I thought we got along really well. there were a couple people who were kinda mean, but otherwise people seemed really friendly and happy to talk with me.

at one point, the owner of said forums pulled me and a friend into a private chat room to basically tell me that *everyone* on the website, himself included, my friend excluded, hated me and thought I was obnoxious as fuck. which obviously was. not a fun thing to hear. and when I asked why nobody had said anything or asked me to leave them alone, the owner said that he and my friend had spent a long ass time trying to calm people down so they wouldn't force him to ban me, but he was tired of doing that, so maybe fuck off?

and unfortunately, it has happened within the last couple of years, too. somebody went from 'yes, friends, let's do stuff together and talk' to 'maybe take a fucking hint' pretty near overnight. so now even when people tell me that yeah, they enjoy my company, they WANT to talk to me, things like that...I always have that little voice going 'buuuuuut....'

which is why I struggle to message people first a lot nowadays and I get anxious every time I reply to a post, message someone via IM, or send an ask, or...basically anything ever. even just posting while other people are online gets that sort of shit going for me too.

this is the most I have been able to type for a long ass time and it is hotter inside my apartment than it is outside right now. I took a shower not long ago and I am already sweaty and gross feeling. fuck.

[dreamsclock]

THE ULTIMATE DREAMSCLOCK UPDATE!

hello. hi. as most of u are probably very unsurprised to hear, i have bit off WAY more than i can chew in terms of personal projects. this is now something i am beginning to belatedly realize is A Problem for many reasons. mainly a) i am chronically overwhelmed esp with the biggest exams of my LIFE next months and b) i can’t take on any more projects realistically that i want to begin.

poll + more info under readmore bc i have chronic can’t-shut-up syndrome (adhd)

SO. in order to actually produce content for you guys i am Cutting Back Which Fics I Work On. at least until july. this SHOULD allow me to finish at least some fics and hopefully move on in the summer to other ones, but since im indecisive i thought i’d let YOU guys decide which fics i continue to work on!!! so here’s a poll.

the top five will continue to be worked on, and i plan to finish checkmate + hold him close in the next week anyway. so vote for your next five faves, and from there i’ll figure out which ones i’m gonna continue

this SHOULD help me make a good dent in these fics while also working on stuff that makes people happy :]

IN ADDITION TO THIS. i am also only streaming three times a week. ‘only?’ you might be thinking. ‘sparrow dreamsclock, you don’t even stream ONCE a week!’ to which i say Be Quiet. kidding but i’ve been putting way too much pressure on myself to try and stream every night and then beating myself up when i’m too tired 😭 so hopefully limiting myself to three times a week helps!!

STREAM DAYS: Monday, Wednesday, Saturday

I could stream more than this!! But at the very least you’re promised three streams a week unless something goes horribly wrong.

AO3 UPDATES: Wednesday, Sunday

AGAIN this is to try and give you guys some kind of consistency 😭😭 i know im very erratic + unreliable when it comes to uploading so i wanted to try and provide a schedule. no idea WHAT updates these will be, but you know Something will be posted there which is awesome

YOUTUBE UPLOADS: Beginning May

‘but sparrow!’ you may be saying. ‘you just said the most important exams of your life happen in may!’ to which i say Be Quiet. Yes. I Know. I’m An Idiot. but i wanna start providing youtube content Too!!! whether this be dsmp analysis or stream highlights or original minecraft choose-your-own-ending games i’ve made, i’ll be uploading (hopefully consistently) beginning may!!!! more info to come. unless i forget of course.

ANYWAY. if you’ve sat through all of this then HELLO HI!!!!! sorry. this announcement sounds self important and dumb but honestly even writing this out has eased like a load of my anxieties. ever since the end of 2021 i’ve been so overwhelmed with the frankly dumb amount of projects ive given myself, and it’s most of the reason ive been burned out since then too :’) thank u for being understanding and thank u for being such a source of inspiration for me and thank u thank u THANK U for being the best people ever muah ily

this starts from TODAY Btw!!! will be uploading a chapter of checkmate tonight and also streaming which i’m looking forward to. we’re gonna Chill until summer and then i can go crazy with projects again. but this feels more manageable!!!!

tune in for my stream tonight at 9pm (fnaf time FUCK YEAH) and thank u again :]

[theresa-of-liechtenstein]

it’s actually starting to sink in that my last undergrad year in orchestra is over but in the meantime. concert recap post 2, electric boogaloo. i am putting this under a readmore to spare you all. it was so long i literally fell asleep drafting it

on my way to the theater i passed by the arts building and swore i saw tita conductor fishing around in her car trunk in the arts loading bay which felt very much like

the warm-up/spot runthrough was so lackluster and tired that tita conductor looked around at us and said ‘did you all go out drinking after last night’s concert or what? your energy is wacked’

we managed to scrape ourselves back together and honestly? i think we sounded better sunday than saturday in the end

especially that english piece. whoooeeee. that sounded so good.

right before the part where the second violins drive the melody back into the folk song, i managed to make eye contact with tita conductor as she turned to bring us out and we were just smiling at each other for a split second. it was genuinely so lovely

at the end of the english piece, which was our opener, we had several bars of rest before the final note and i noticed that my shoulder rest was falling off. i was so scared that if i tried to put it on my shoulder, it would fall off and cause noise, so i very quietly slipped it off, rested it on my lap, and managed to play the last note sans shoulder rest

the second movement of the fauré pelleas et melisande orchestra suite may just have been my favorite

at the very end of our set, before the lights went down for our exit and for the stage to be reconfigured for the chamber singers, i was trying to put my copy of pel and mel back into the folder when i fucking DROPPED the damn part in front of everyone. which was my mistake, i shouldn’t have moved before the lights came back down, but i was trying so damn hard to stifle my laughter as i picked it up

i managed to make my way off with my folder and instrument in hand and lost it as silently as possible once i had cleared the stage

tita conductor was standing in the wing waiting to go back on to conduct the chamber singers, locked eyes with me, and said, very concerned, ‘what’s the matter, em? are you okay?’

i managed to wheeze back ‘i dropped my music’ before a member of stage crew directed me to continue heading backstage

funnily enough, saturday’s concert was a non-clapping audience while at this one, everyone clapped between movements of both the pel and mel and the requiem

the requiem was so much fun and i was sad to see it end—but god did it end all too soon. time really just seems to pass more rapidly on stage for me: before i know it, im looking up for a cutoff

it turned out that one of the freshman girls from the one (1) year i spent in my high school women’s ensemble just committed to transfer to my university and actually attended the concert, which fucking blew my mind when she came up to me and pressed a pair of hand-folded origami flowers into my hand 🥹

headed to the party afterwards with my high school best friend as a plus-one, held in the home of two older flute players, and spent most of it talking with three violas (including associate principal and principal), concertmaster, my second clarinet friend, and my flute friend (who also graduates this year)

i was cognizant that not only had it been a year since That Pivotal Conversation with tita conductor that had changed everything, but that it had also been in this exact house. so i was already kind of anticipating that something of a similar nature was likely to occur. and it did

at one point i was trying to get a spoon from the food table when i came face-to-face with tita conductor, who, upon seeing me, hurried over, threw her arms open, and said effusively ‘oh, em—come here, give me a hug’ 🥹

it was so funny to me. like no options. give me a hug. which to be fair i have wanted to just give her a hug for a while since yayy favorite person in the music department etc. but the way she worded it was inexplicably funny

tita conductor told me ever so fervently that me staying was such a blessing and that i was a bright and intelligent section leader which like. auughghhghaggagagwgwyywwu. i feel like she’s the first person to call me bright

i told her the bit about how my decision to stay was solidified on the way back from the university visit to make it to rehearsal, and then how poignantly funny i had found it that i had walked into rehearsal and was immediately asked by her to cut the strawberries

at this—i swear to god—tita conductor let out a full-body GUFFAW that caused everyone within twenty feet to look at us.

she told me ‘i remember that because you had a really funny look on your face when i asked you—’

i cringed. ‘oh, i always seem to have a funny look on my face,’ i said, slightly embarrassed, before i could think

‘no—but you went and did it anyway. i didn’t know you had been thinking very hard at the time’

apparently in many situations i just happen to be the ‘nearest available’ person to her who she knows would ‘do anything asked without making a fuss’ and was ‘habitually helpful’

being too intimidated to say no in the workplace sure has its perks! (joke)

she really couldn’t stop saying that i was a blessing which was just. man. made me want to curl up on the floor and cry immediately. 30 years of doing this and she really just seems so fond of her students it’s very sweet

it was hard enough for me to consider saying goodbye to her. but i think it might have been harder vice versa

additional highlight for levity: tita conductor letting out a single, angelic high C out of fucking nowhere near the drinks table

eventually i walked my friend to her car and came back to find my flute friend and second clarinet at the piano with another second violin and a gaggle of chorus members

as the night wore on things started to get crazier (i.e. second clarinet friend straight up pulled out a tenor recorder out of nowhere and began to improvise off of someone on the piano 😭)

one of the hosts said ‘i could give you a soprano recorder right now’ when second clarinet mentioned he didn’t have one, disappeared, and came back with a HUGE bag of soprano recorders and began passing them around. so now i have a soprano recorder

flute friend and i mutually agreed that we both functioned the best in musician gatherings LMAO

i left because it got very late but before i left i went to thank the hosts and the other host stretched out his arms and said ‘here, can i hug you?’ and i was like ‘oh!’ and he gave me a hug and said ‘so sorry i didn’t get to talk to you, but it’s so good to see the strings here. we only ever see the backs of your heads and you can turn to look at us but we can’t really do the same. you’re a great player’ 😭😭😭

anyways. man what a fucking year. it went by all too quickly; it feels like yesterday to me that i went and re-auditioned for tita conductor. so much has changed since then. i’ve grown as a musician in ways that i didn’t even imagine—which i realize i also said last year, but last year i didn’t expect i’d become a section leader. and thankfully i think i’ll get another shot at it next year. i started off not wanting the position, but in the end it made me stronger and i have to be grateful for it. anyways! enough yapping! onwards!

[elena-oc-blog]

Hey remember when I drew the hydra brothers back in august and mentioned in the description that i would have their parents out soon too? Yeah sorry, they got stuck in art limbo as i was distracted with other things but now I have the hydra dads for you to see! I actually finished this like 2 days ago and I was going to wait with posting them until i finished the hydra mom piece too but I'm going through another *im tired all the time* period so thats not happening any time soon so here is hydra dad by himself or themselves i should say. I only drew their heads because I have mercy for myself and am not subjecting myself on drawing an anthro hydra with 5 heads. I do have bust sketches of them in my sketchbook but I still need to figure out how to fit their 5 necks and heads on one body properly so maybe thats a thing for the far future Anyway lore on these guys uh, Im a lil tired so let me just copy paste some miscelaneous lore I posted in my discord server and ill try to elaborate when i feel less shitty. I'll put it under a readmore so this post wont clog up your feed.

The Lièrna family gang is made up of Greek monsters: centaurs, satyrs, chimeras, minotaurs, griffins, some undercover hellhounds, etc.

Don't have a proper ref for this gang yet as I still need to fill their ranks

They originally lived in and operated from Athens in Greece but had to leave almost everything behind when the police started to catch on to them. They fled to the carribean island of Isla Dracon and settled in Auron City, soon recovering their wealth and businesses and becoming one the top dog gangs there and close to being in control of the city. That is until Thorn showed up a few years after..

The Lièrna family front is a luxury car business (building, selling, repairing) while their criminal business is car towing with a lot of extortion of the poorer part of the city's population where they basically steal cars and any personal belongings left in them from the poor population because they can't pay the fees. They then proceed to either resell these cars in one of their used car dealerships or destroy the cars to use for parts and scrap metal. They also loan out money under preditory rates and own some real estate that they rent out for high prices with bad service. So really their whole business is exploiting people, especially those less fortunate. They revel in this, thinking the poor deserve it for not working hard enough.

As for their relationship with Thorn, they hate Thorn but they act like good friends of his whenever they meet with him or are talking about him with people they don't know/people who like him. They don't want to stir trouble until they have a solid plan on how to overthrown him. Thorn as of now has no idea the hydras hate his guts and are plotting against him in secret together with Morrison and whatever other allies they gain.

Im not sure how old they are. I need to figure out my timeline better for that first. And maybe change how dragons age compared to other species idk But I would say they are between their late 40s and mid 50s

Also pecking order of the brothers from top to bottom is: Don, Alekos, Roland and Boris and at the very bottom is Kashew. Kashew is mute and also rather friendly which makes his brothers and especially Don regard him as a useless nobody. Kashew gets a lot of verbal abuse and sometimes also physical abuse from his brothers :( The only reason they don't physically abuse him as much as they mentally abuse him is because having a beaten up head would be bad for their business and image with the civilians of the city. They also cant get rid of him as that would comprimise their health and ability to fuse back together. Hydras can split up into individual smaller and less powerful dragons but unless all individuals are present, they can't fuse back together. And eventhough hydras in their fused natural state can regenerate their heads effortlessly and have an increased durability for injuries, in their seperate state they will die if decapitated and are also much more defenseless in general. While a fused hydra could take a vicious stabbing/beating and live, a split hydra individual is much more fragile and will easily bleed out and if they die, their siblings are doomed as well. Thus hydras tend to only split up when in the comfort of their home or when they take on a human disguise. It can also occur when there is an extreme disagreement between siblings and one or multiple forcibly split off through sheer willpower, causing them to fall apart into seperate entities. This is not preferable though. Anyway i think thats all the lore i have at the moment, i hope you enjoy the boys. Feel free to ask questions about them

[edelblau]

marz said they love my durgey so im gonna use that as an excuse to infodump about them (and try to put it under a readmore but readmores always break for me now so who knows if itll post properly) (spoilers for baldurs gate 3 dark urge playthrough to follow)

my main dark urge is named naught (like zero/nothingness ^_^). he's a tiefling monk with they/him pronouns. below is a lazy reference for his more 'unique' features i spent very little time on

his backstory is largely the normal dark urge stuff; wandering and strange from the get go with unsettling mannerisms even as a child, he was adopted by a poor family. he actually bore a lot of affection for them, and tried very very hard to be 'normal'. when he realized his family was displeased with the way he sort of romanticized violence and death, he tried to tamp it down. however, given the nature of the urge, he was eventually overcome and killed them (second heal memory)

after that incident, he fled his home, and tried unsuccessfully to resist; but as his body count even unintentionally rose he fully gave in. in his time as the leader of the bhaal cult, a lot of his 'personality' outside of the urge was utterly erased and dead.

interestingly, however, he regained some sense of 'self' as the plans for the absolute took place, though perhaps in a way that was worse for everyone. the tldr of this being that because the plan required he interact with and 'bond', so to speak, with gortash, leader of the banites, he was able to have conversations with someone. the issue here being of course that gortash is a terrible person, but so was he, so it was sort of a net 0 for humanity and only really 'good' for him (and maybe gortash, i guess) since it let him retain a hint of personhood outside of bhaal; personhood that would serve him after orin's betrayal at moonrise.

(pictured: real canon shit the durge writes about gortash)

of course, dark urge and gortash's murderous funtimes had to end when orin got tired of the family drama and decided to end it the only way she knew how.

this left naught at the beginning of the game in a position where they knew intuitively that they enjoy others company, they didnt remember how resisting was 'futile', and they were surrounded by people who could definitely kill them if they acted out too harshly. not that naught didn't 'act out'-- he has a very Broken sense of morality and whats 'too far' after everything, and definitely partook of some torture and senseless violence a few times. nothing especially severe (he didn't get arabella killed or the rest of the grove, for instance), but he definitely was... bad. not normal.

these lapses would slowly die down, however, the closer naught came to the others around him. their sense of morality rubbing off on him and making him desire their approval. where he once welcomed his butler, he started fighting back; still bound to his urge, still not entirely 'there', but constantly thrashing against the current-- until the orin battle, which went Great, by the way

even after withers resurrection, though, i dont think hed ever truly be 'normal'. even if his nightmares no longer stem from bhaal, i dont think theyd ever go away fully. and i dont think hed ever fully gain a normal moral compass (hes dating astarion, by the way. so good luck faerun.) nor do i think hed ever fully come to remember his past; though i dont think hed ever fully care to, either. hed always remain this unnerving, somewhat 'immoral' person; always a bit more brutal than he should be, a bit more direct, a bit too stiff and strange. full of love and care that hes learned from his journey, but still with a hint of violence; no longer bhaal's, but wholly his own. always a step away from a 'normal' person even without bhaal's black blood in his veins.

but at least minsc is his uncle. thats nice.

[rathockey]

hey, I saw that you did like, an ask game for Gus from Psych, and I was wondering if you wanted to do that for other characters like Shawn, Lassiter, and Juliet.

You don’t have to though, have a great day :)

yeah for sure!

I'll put it under a readmore since it'll be pretty long with three characters

SHAWN

Sexuality Headcanon: bi!

Gender Headcanon: transmasc nonbinary

A ship I have with said character: shawngus OF COURSE

A BROTP I have with said character: shawn and lassie!!! im down for a romantic ship with them too, but i just really love their friendship so much

A NOTP I have with said character: not really a NOTP as much as a "i wish they hadn't done it until the last episode or smth" shawn and jules - it just changed the whole vibe of the show!

A random headcanon: (nixing this section tbh bc i can't recall any off the top of my head and im too tired to think of any rn adsjflkads)

General Opinion over said character: shawn my absolute beloved. you fool. you idiot. you genius. he's everything AND he's just ken. detective of all time.

LASSIE

Sexuality Headcanon: he's gay. prove me wrong. yeah he's married to a woman. its a fluke.

Gender Headcanon: cis. that man is definitely cis asdjfalsdk

A ship I have with said character: i dont really have any, but i am intrigued by shawn and lassie, even though i prefer them as friends

A BROTP I have with said character: shawn and lassie! see above :)

A NOTP I have with said character: i guess lassie and jules? if that's a ship thats out there. not into it.

A random headcanon: (nixing this section tbh bc i can't recall any off the top of my head and im too tired to think of any rn adsjflkads)

General Opinion over said character: really really did not like lassie when i was watching the show as a kid alsdkfjalkdsj. i still don't like him as a PERSON very much but as a CHARACTER he's very interesting. timothy omundson is a fantastic actor and i love pretty much all the roles ive seen him in

JULES

Sexuality Headcanon: that's a lesbian. no further explanation needed.

Gender Headcanon: trans woman

A ship I have with said character: i don't really ship her with anyone. i did like her and shawn before they got together funny enough. i think they work better as like. a not dating, dating, situationship

A BROTP I have with said character: jules and gus, i feel like this is an underrated relationship in the show but they're so good together!

A NOTP I have with said character: shawn and jules, see above

A random headcanon: (nixing this section tbh bc i can't recall any off the top of my head and im too tired to think of any rn adsjflkads)

General Opinion over said character: i love jules so much! i think a lot gets put on her as a character to be like. "the reasonable one" all the time (easy to see why when her opposites are. shawn and lassie) and i enjoy when she gets to cut loose and go ham (really enjoy her in the roller derby episode)

[icarus-oc-stuff]

I have recently created a batch of OCs after like 6-7 years of just DnD characters, and im planning on using this blog to flesh them out. i'll describe all of them in a handful of sentences below the readmore, just for funsies. Dont take any of them too seriously, im just doing this because i enjoy it, not because i want some kind of attention.

Most are normal-ass people and they all use names from my name list (https://marlowesnamelist.carrd.co/). They're expressions of trauma or emotions or generally just expressions of me, and thas the main way i like to think about them!

➽ Sierra (they/them) is a tortured artist archetype, who basically lives in their atelier. They are an orphan, and were able to reach the kind of artist life they currently have through the freedom (and the sizable inheritance) that their parents' deaths got them. Sierra has completely submerged themself into their art and rarely speaks to those outside of the art sphere.

➽ Rose (she/her) is a chemist and general science enthusiast. She is extremely autistic and is obsessed with her main passion: toxins. She specialised in toxins during her education, but never managed to hold any job that didnt require her to let go of her morals, so she now earns her money by teaching courses on chemistry and physics in libraries and high schools.

➽ Marlowe (they/he) is very, very tired. They have pursued their passions and their interests with determined fervor, but dropped out of school in the last semester because they got burnout so intense it caused them to become suicidal. Now they are struggling to find new places to direct their energy, and to keep themself mentally engaged without burning themself out again- mostly by hanging out with and helping their many friends whenever they need it.

➽ Voix (she/her) is athletic, puts a lot of effort into getting good grades, and overall exudes the vibe of an honours student who's going to have a boring but succesful life. Thats just the image she shows at school, though- in her personal life, she is a total fucking nerd, and is very autistic about swords and other such sharp implements. Whenever she isnt working on school, she writes paragraphs onto her personal blog about all kinds of obscure historical arms, and she frequently practices HEMA.

➽ Orion (he/him) is a trans punk english major, and a big fan of classic horror. Poe, Lovecraft, Shelley, and a bunch that i dont know but he definitely would. He's very unapologetically himself, and any discrimination he faces never seems to pierce that, usually just enticing him to be more provocative in his presentation. He's pretty well known amongst the other queers, as someone who you can step to when you're being bullied or just need a shoulder to cry on.

➽ Etienne (she/they) is a depressed shut-in, unable to hold a job or even go to school despire any efforts she put in. She spends most of her time watching streams or playing games, having mostly resigned herself to her fate. Despite all of this, she stills finds a lot of joy in her life, hanging out with online friends and, once in a blue moon, going out with her real-life friend.

➽ Ciel (she/her) and Lune (they/she) are a duo. Ciel is mute from birth and almost entirely deaf, and Lune has been her best friend since the first year of high school. The two are thick as thieves, and while they wouldnt say theyre in a relationship, they definitely love eachother a lot.

Lune acts as an intepreter and general assistant for Ciel when she needs it, which isnt super often- Ciel is stubborn and determined, and often has the willpower to push through whatever she's facing, but sometimes she just needs some help, especially in a society that isnt built for people that can't hear. Lune is a lot more shy and awkward when alone, and generally tries to stay under the radar- but when Ciel is around, she will move mountains.

➽ Alder (they/them) is a fantasy OC. technically my second, but seeing as Rosalinde has the most backstory, im putting her last. Alder is a mage, focused on an arcane flavour of archaeology, and an archivist. They have magically extended their lifespan, and roam the realm, looking for rumors and legends of powerful magic used in the past. Alder has a gift for unraveling the remnants of this powerful magic, for uncovering the intricacies left behind by their afterimages.

Overall, Alder is a carefree person who loves to travel along with adventurers, often offering their services as mage for free, in exchange for letting them hitch along to whatever ruin or hell-gate they mean to loot. Time has made them flexible and agreeable, and it has made them a delightful travelling companion, one who loves sharing tales and legends over a campfire, and one who adores cooking for their companions.

➽ Rosalinde (she/her) is an outlier, as she was the foundation for a whole new worldbuilding project- the same world that Alder lives in- which means she has a considerable amount of backstory. she is a runaway princess turned knight, and hero of the people. She's the platonic ideal of a knight in shining armor, guarding the common folk from threats- whether they be greedy lords, cruel bandits, or monstrous creatures. She is a stoic, guarded person, always working alone, always perfectly composed.

When she was a princess, she wasn't much different: a composed, polite woman, adept at the endless games of politics, lies and manipulations. She was a perfect princess, until she was found out- she had entered a relationship with her royal guard, a woman named Rienne, which was a total taboo in her father's conservative kingdom. To avoid the consequences of these actions, she ran from the palace, though her faithful knight and lover didnt make it, and was executed for her transgression.

So now, she roams the world, staying far away from her past and her regrets, haunted by the memories of her family and her love.

Can you tell Rosalinde is my favourite?

[mtndewpitchblack]

if you see this no the FUCK you don't but having said that. no reblogs vent under readmore

IF AT ANY POINT YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN PARSE THE IDENTITIES OF ANY FOLLOWING SUBJECT ALIASES [3, 4, 5, 5², 5³, 5⁴, 5⁵, 7] EXIT THE READMORE!!!!

It feels like all of my friends are so busy right now. Everyone I know and hang out with has something else going on, and it's not their fault. I can't blame them, life is busy! I get that! It just feels, really strongly, like they're all finding time for things, though. Just not me. [7] and [5] are busy as hell obviously but it turns out they, well, at least [7], is hanging out with [5²] despite saying that [7] and I would hang out like last week :(. And I tried this weekend and [7] was, again, busy, after I canceled plans with [5³]

post canceled i just need friends with not 5 letter names

post uncanceled. anyways i canceled rave plans with [5³] bc i just had a long emotional conversation with [5²] and even THEN i felt like I was ignoring the stuff I felt and wanted to say just to make [5²] feel better AGAIN. because it's not like I've been doing everything I can to make other people feel better for the last like 5 years of my overactive guilty conscience!!! but I had to make [5²] feel better, of course, because IM not the most hurt one here, but then, it turns out [5²] was JUST HANGING OUT WITH [7]!!! IVE BEEN TRYING!!!!!!!! [7] HAD [5²] HELPING [7] CLEAN [7] APARTMENT!!! LIKE I HAVWNT BEEN TRYING TO TEXT THE GC FOR TWO WEEKS TRYING TO SEE [7+5]!!!! [5] isn't even replying anymore, and I KNOW [5] is busy but fuck ME if it doesn't seem like it's just ME Specifically Getting Ignored!!! I shouldn't have to text [5] individually just to get some kind of response (note I have not actually done that yet. If [5] is ignoring me for some reason that's HIS thing to navigate.) but like. three years or so. I've been trying to be helpful and nice amd funny and interesting and trying so hard not to talk too much about my interests because I've already made [7, 5²] involve themselves in my interests a fuck ton as it is, and [5] doesn't always do well with recommendations, which I have been trying so hard not to take personally because I know [5] doesn't mean it!!

Anyways I canceled the plans with [5³] to relax and not break down and because I also was supposed to hang out with [5⁴] and either watch my fav movie, a new show [5⁴] showed me, or I'd get to show [5⁴] one of the abandoned buildings nearby, which are all activities that LITERALLY MEAN THE WORLD TO ME!!! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FRIDAY then. [5⁴] wasn't feeling good. so we raincheck for sat. Well now, it's sat, and [5⁴] has to go home to visit [5⁴] family, so we put it off for Sunday, and then it's Sunday, and [5⁴] gets back, barely texts about how [5⁴] water just got shut off and how there's an errand [5⁴] has to run, then about how "I'm sorry I'm so exhausted" which I GET bc it's your PARENTS HOUSE trust me brother i understand. so i try to reach out to literally any of my friends that I'm pretty sure might have time. See previous for results on this test with [7]. I didn't text [5, 5², 5³] or [5⁴], bc [5] isn't responding, I canceled with [5³], i still need time and space IRT [5²], and [5⁴] obviously canceled on me three days in a row which means [5⁴] MAY have lied about not being tired of me. But it turns out [3] was busy, and doesn't really ask me to clarify much on what I'm upset about, and ofc I'm not reaching out to mom and dad about this shit, and [5⁵+4] were supposed to play minecraft with me like ALL WEEKEND AND [4] kept canceling because of his late ass work shifts (ENTIRELY JUSTIFIED) and [5⁵] was barely on, bored, and isolated the whole time, and that was only like, Saturday, the only day anybody beyond myself alone played!! [5⁵+4] aren't even replying in our group chat sometimes!!! [5⁵] was just sitting AFK in the nether all day yesterday which means he was ONLINE SOMETIME BEFORE I GOT ON AND DIDNT TELL ANYONE DESPITE ME AAKING IN THE GROUPCHAT IF ANYONE WANTED TO PLAY YESTERDAY!!!! This shit is why losing friends always hurts me so goddamn much, because it seems like no matter how long it takes someone always eventually decides I'm too much and they start to step away. And what am I supposed to do, bring it up? Get my attention back out of guilt?? What kind of fucking egomaniac would I have to beeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!! And sure there's inevitably a healthy way to communicate this stuff, but if they're BUSY I don't want to BOTHER them and if they're IGNORING ME then it doesn't MATTWR WHAT I SAY I GUESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[4ce160]

i have to talk about this or else i'll implode and i dont think my friends want to hear me go on about ice hockey for like an hour, i have already tormented them enough (putting this under a readmore. i am tired and am probably being dramatic)

after several years of wanting to play ice hockey i finally managed to do so like two days ago. i obviously fell a bunch of times because i hadnt ice skated in a while (three years :skull_emoji:), and going almost straight into a match as a first time thing wasnt really the best idea. i sucked as expected, but it was still really fun and familiar in some aspects, and i am determined to become at least okay-ish at it

i was at the second training yesterday (technically today but my sleep schedule is bad), and we went through some more basic skating techniques which was really nice, and im grateful that the karate apparently helps with some aspects. Idk it just feels surreal because it's a thing I've wanted to do for so long, but I've never really talked about it much and i feel emberassed about being so happy about it

idk im also realizing that me for the longest time going "Hell yeah I want to play ice hockey!!!" every time a hockey reference popped up wasn't really normal levels of interest(tm). There sadly weren't any hockey clubs in my hometown either lmao (there were people who did indoor hockey/floorball(?) but we'd played that a bunch at school and it wasn't as appealing :pensive:).

ironically enough, i was always unable to really watch ice hockey on the tv or get into any too ice hockey-related media, because I'd get so distraught about not being able to play it myself that I'd just be unable to focus on it. Like it'd happen with other sports/activities too but it'd be extra bad with ice hockey (and karate but I'd already practiced that so it was less frustrating). I'm embarrassed to say that i almost quit watching il for a bit when they got to the hockey episodes because I'd be like "m a n i want to play ice hockey :( " then I'd just and be really distraught over it for a bit :pensive.jpg:

i suppose it's the surreal-ness of doing that this year as well as starting t which were two things i thought i wasnt going to be able to do anytime soon. it's just really cool

[possibly-eli]

ok chat? chat. i am going to ramble. putting this shit under a readmore because i want to

i do not know what to make of my parents like i love my family, yk? of course i do, most people do love their family and i love my parents because. yk. theyre my parents. theyre good to me but it would be aggressively false to say they havent had a tremendously negative effect on me

my family does not talk about issues. in fact, it is impossible to talk about issues. i cannot bring up certain topics, no matter how important, with my mother without my therapist doing it for me, on my behalf. whenever there'd be a huge argument (usually involving me, because of course), we'd scream at each other about it and then never ever mention it again, unless i was told to apologise. most of the time, the argument wouldnt really be My fault, but whatever

adding on to that, i have never actually received an apology from my mother (or really, either of my parents, but the mommy issues are strong with this one or something) for anything theyve said to me. like at all. because we never talk about things

i was never taught how to have difficult conversations, which has caused/is continuing to cause some pretty major problems for me. i was never really taught how to go about apologising; i was just told to apologise and if it was to my parents, it was a toss-up on whether theyd accept the apology at all. i dont know how to tell someone "im sorry" in a way that actually makes sense. and to compensate for that, i used to make a bunch of really basic apologies all the time because yk. constantly having things framed as your fault by your parents, regardless on whether or not it was, tends to make you more inclined to apologise to yk. diffuse things or something. ive moved to comedy and self-deprecation to diffuse things now. an improvement /lh

see and none of this is helped by my mother's vague ableism, continued lack of regard for how i might feel, constant need to be the most knowledgeable in the room about my health, and never really listening to me regarding my own health overall

for e.g.: ive realised lately that my ribs may or may not slip pretty frequently (being out of nowhere id have some pretty sharp pain surrounding my ribs that would make it too painful to breathe in enough, so id have to just wait it out until it went away on its own). and her immediate response was "erm no thats normal actually its just your stomach muscles <3" like. god, can you please just not fucking do that. this is why i dont tell you when things are wrong she found out about that time my kneecap dislocated (and maybe caused some sort of fracture) while out on a walk and she asked "why didnt you tell me" and like. this is why. this is why i didnt tell you.

and even then: it is not normal for someone to be in random, intense pain out of nowhere, frequently. im not supposed to have four repetitive strain injuries in both of my arms. im not supposed to be tired all the time. im not lazy ive been unwell my entire life and every time ive tried to tell you, you told me it was normal

she's also a big "erm you're not on active suicide watch so you're fine stop being lazy" and "you're not autistic, really, you just have AsPeRgErS. you're just a little bit autistic" kind of person

and like i love her, of course i do. but like, when she's nice. when she's not nice, there is not a single person who i want to kill myself because of more

[our-inspire-verse]

Bark bark *vent under readmore*

Im nottt in a super great spot rn but im fighting hard every fucking day. Im gonna go fucking insane. Im tired of suffering no matter what i do. My ENTIRE body hurts so bad. Christ and i have work in like 8 hour again. And im nauseous and haven't eaten enough.. and i noticed today that im losing weight. I didnt hit 70 pounds til 4th grade and when i was 18 they said i was clinically too underweight to donate blood. Im supposed to be putting on weight. Not losing it. Whered my belly go. God i have a thigh gap now. I need to escape this fucking place. I have to get Out im not doing great. Im okay, of course i am, i am surviving and finding joy and solutions and coping but. What do i do. What now. Everything hurts and i feel like its my fault.

But what do i do then. Just keep finding rides to work. Keep waiting for a chance to get my license back. Keep waiting til i can get a car. I just need a fucking car. If i get a car things will change COMPLETELY. Maybe i can even go get Some Action. Maybe i can hit up some other friends. Maybe i can be more free. I cant Stand this hellhole. My skin is rotting off my bony body. Its just like when i was 5. Its just like when i was little. Lmao! That makes me feel great! Im having an interesting time. Its like, okay. I'm really allowed to be unwell rn. Thats okay, ill survive. Tuck n roll am i right? Try not to die, and keep the government off my ass. Fuck. Im going to die

[dewprisms]

Thinking about the past and year n stuff before i go to bed (i never cared for staying up)

gonna put this under a readmore bc it came out more negative than i was expecting...

thinking back to the past year, we got the kittens fixed, i got more hours at work, got to see some siblings again, got to see my other nephew again, got rly lucky with pulls in Po Ma E X throughout the year...

idk what else was good though. didnt do any drawing practice, didnt work on my fic, didnt finish work on the character doc, started on the ruesid ref but didnt finish, stuff in the house keeps breaking, havent seen a doctor yet (its been like a decade), havent seen a therapist yet, the only new game i played was totk and pkmn sleep even tho i bought some more, actually barely played much games at all this year, failed to practice good hygiene habits, failed to lose weight, i actually gained even more than when i lost it 3 years ago and i still didnt get skinny at all back then, and actually i think my health has gotten worse because im even MORE tired than before all the time and my feet hurt a lot too, wasted money on a gym membership cause after august i stopped having the energy after work to go, and with it being cold out with no car idk how ill do it in the slow months (aka jan and feb), failed to talk to ppl more, failed to do anything good with the group chat because my memory is so shit that i just forget, my acne seems to have gotten worse, i keep falling behind bad at work (and it doesnt help that we cant keep ppl for more than a week but thats the company's fault but it still falls on the rest of us to pick up the slack), keep feeling like a burden at work and unintentionally getting on ppls nerves, plus the state of the world has also gotten more shit, and it doesnt look like itll be improving any time soon...

idk it just hasnt been that good and idk what to look forward to anymore. not even xbgr in k h 4. im so fucking lonely and i feel both my physical health and mental health deteriorating and theres nothing i can really do except watch it happen from behind these eyes that constantly question if reality is really real or not. ive been wanting to cry for the past like 5 months and i dont know what the fuck to do anymore, i dont have the energy for shit

🎉🎉wooooo!! 🎉🎉🥳🥳🎈

[coconutcows]

If you do not mind the ask, who do you miss and what has caused you to miss said person (s)?

Ps. I have been following you for some time and I really enjoy your blog. You have interesting reads and your projects are quite cute.

Hope you are staying safe during the wildfires.

Hello!! I’m surprised to hear of anybody following me for awhile, it’s hard for me to picture anyone sticking around for me but that makes me happy to hear!!! And I’m very happy you find my projects cute, I’d like to sell them I think but I don’t know if people would want them haha

With the wildfires we’ve been safe, none were too close to us and we got lots of rain while they happened, but it’s only early and barely summer so I’m going to prepare for more, im going to write a list and pack up things I couldn’t bear to lose so if one happens near us and and evacuation order happens I can bug out ASAP

With the person I miss, this is a long thing, I’ve been putting off posting about it until I felt better but if I’m still feeling like this right now I don’t think that’ll be anytime soon tbh. But back in November my significant other of over five years broke up with me and I’m having trouble about it. I miss them dearly, it was a messy breakup but not a bad one and we’re on good terms but, fuck I really miss them. I’m going to talk about it under a readmore

They were my first relationship. They were my first kiss, first of a lot of things. They didn’t put up with my bullshit and kept me grounded. They were willing to listen to my opinions and I’d listen to theirs. They made me feel wanted and valued. A lot of our opinions and values lined up and what didn’t, we agreed to disagree. They were the one who got me into many major movies like Jurassic Park and Star Wars (they have the best taste in movies honestly). They introduced me into a wide range of music from oldies to Russian rock. I think about nights I couldn’t sleep and watched them sleep until I drifted off. I think about how no matter how tired or angry about work just seeing their face made it better. How a kiss on the forehead from them would take away my anxieties. How one night they walked me to my door and I didn’t want to let go when we hugged goodnight. All the video games we played.

A lot of people might think I’m just looking through rose coloured glasses but I’m not. I know I’m not. Because I think of the arguments, I think about the times they made me feel bad (though I don’t think they ever meant to), I think about the frustrations. And it still makes me miss them. I’ve thought about fights and they’ve made me cry and miss them just as much as beautiful moments. There were at least three times I thought about breaking up with them but it always ended with “no, I love them and this isn’t something to break up over”.

It is or was, a real love. A “can you look at this thing on my back???” love. A “don’t worry about being sick, I’ll clean your puke bucket” love, a “I made your favourite food for supper even though I don’t like it” love. I still love them. I always will. They could come back to me tomorrow or in ten years and I’d welcome them back. I might find someone else but it won’t be the same. I don’t even know if I will or can, but truthfully I can’t even think about it right now, the thought of someone else touching me disgusts me.

Truthfully I hope they come back I really do, but I’m also trying to accept whatever will happen if they don’t. It’s hard. They are the most beautiful person in the world to me and will always be one of the most important people, and I’d still do anything for them.