#im tired of people misusing this term

[bedforddanes75]

my issue with terminology discourse isnt that i think everyone's stupid and sensitive it's that literally nobody explains the meanings of things and then get pissy when people dont know what things mean

[neil-gaiman]

hey mr gaiman. i saw that this post got revisited and wanted to address it.

i submitted this ask over a year ago on my old account and it was one of the stupidest things i ever did. it was my first tumblr account. id only been really online for a few weeks. i was 13. i was just coming back to school after a global pandemic.

ive been a fan of good omens for years and a fan of yours for longer. i was brought up reading odd and the frost giants and fortunately the milk, and as i got older i fell in love with your norse mythology book, good omens, snow glass apples, the sleeper and the spindle, and more.

i was excited to see one of my favorite authors on tumblr and tried to come up with the most bold and interesting ask i could think of.

i was rude and misinformed and it was a stupid choice of me to send it in with no thought.

but i got feedback. some in the form of kind suggestions. quite a few in the form of death threats and people telling me to kill myself.

while those specific messages were rude and hateful, the point got across. i educated myself to the best of my abilities, and eventually came back online.

not only did i misuse the term queerbaiting but i also implied that you were not an amazing supporter of the queer community. that’s absolutely incorrect. you’ve done so much for us with activism, representation, and overall kindness.

i wanted to address this ask that got so much attention because despite moving accounts i still feel guilt and shame every time i see it, or even when i interact with any of your posts at all. i need to actually address it.

also, i wanted a proper apology to be made. by no means am i now a saint. but im trying to be more thoughtful about thinking before i speak.

whether or not you decide to make a public response to this, i think ill find some peace knowing you’ve received this. ive needed closure on this for a long time.

im overjoyed and thrilled that season two is so close. thank you for tolerating the dumb questions of pretentious kids and thank you for helping to create a world where we can grow to be better than we were.

First of all, and most importantly, I'm really sorry that people were mean to you. That's awful. And nobody should ever have to deal with death threats or online threats and attacks, let alone a thirteen year old.

And secondly, you do not owe me an apology. I figure I have a Tumblr account, people ask things. Mostly they'll get nice replies, occasionally (normally when I'm being asked the same thing over and over) the replies will be terser. There has to be a certain amount of rough and tumble though, and occasionally I'll grab an ask that represents all of the asks I've had on that subject, and try and reply to all of them. That's what happened to you. I was getting tired of being accused of Queerbaiting for the occasional answer about a Season that was not yet released and about which nobody knew anything. And I needed to tell everyone who was doing this that they had to stop now. You had the misfortune to be the representative of all of the other people.

If you are not making mistakes you are not human and you are not learning anything.

(I wish there was tone of voice on the internet.)

And I think you are growing and learning and will make a fantastic adult.

I really hope you enjoy Season 2 when it drops.

[fairykazu]

cold hands ft. xiao

cws: crushing! xiao, wintertime, established friendship, requited feelings, hand holding :O, girl used as a gender neutral term, ooc possibly

masterlist

winter in liyue is sure getting colder than it used to be. although, he is supposed to protect the city from any harm, he is afraid that he'd be in harm from the winter breeze. his sleeveless shirt doesn't help either. shuddering from the cold, he blew on his hands to try stay warm.

he stood tall on the boulder, laying his polearm to rest. though he was cold and tired, he had to stay alert.

the wind whispered to him. someone's calling him.

xiao!

the voice was faint but he knew exactly who was calling him.

XIAO!

he's coming! don't worry!

what he didn't expect was you were calling his name to ...

stay warm?

he leaned against your wooden walls, the small fireplace is doing its job of keeping you warm, besides from that, you're wrapped in multiple blankets. "name, please refrain from calling my name for situation like these." he said.

he said it like this had happened before. well...

it had... like once. numerous times. so many times to a point you would have to ask a dozen of people to hold up their hands and feet.

after he finished fighting off mobs near the hotel, he heard your voice and teleported to you on the spot. only to see you asking him to turn off the tv, asking for a hug or stay with you. he does do that until someone else calls for him though. so maybe... it's all his fault for answering. you wanted ot argue if he knew it was you, he shouldve ignored it and waited for someone else.

but.. you knew the outcome of asking that anyway. he wouldve scolded you because not only he would protect any citzen or visitor in liyue, you are also his friend, why wouldn't he?

"im cold and you're cold and i know people wouldnt call you during this time. kill a girl for using resources." you replied, shrugging in your blanket burrito.

he smiled but you could tell it wasn't a happy one but it wasn't a disappointment smile. so you considered it as a win. you two held a staring contest but both of you knew the outcome. (you would win). his elf ears twitched as he let out a dramatized, exasperated sigh,

"name."

"xiao." you chirped in a sing-song tone.

"please."

out of nowhere, you asked, "can you warm up my hands please? it's so cold." it stopped him in his tracks as he cocked his head,

"what?"

"please??? i promise that i wouldn't misuse your call ever again."

"you said that last time." he replied but he sat next to you anyway. you draped over a blanket over him. he looked at you, pink dusted on his ears,

"um. i triple promise." he held your hands with his.

his hands were much colder than yours but you accepted it regardless. he brushed over your knuckles as you felt goosebumps.

from the cold?

"you said that too."

right? is your face getting hotter? maybe you're getting a fever. he looks so pretty. his face looks like almond tofu. his amber eyes are reminding you of the stars in the moonlit skies.

are you hungry too?

"i swear on... our friendship!"

maybe because this is definitely not because you have a massive crush on your friend.

"you better not break that promise." he replied, looking you as if you would. you nervously laughed as he held your hand.

"mhm!" you hummed back, playing with his fingers.

after you fell asleep, by then, xiao would disappear into the night, slaughtering more hillichurls by the time the sun rises. but this time, he'd like to stay with you, watching you sleep as your hands stayed intertwined.

taglist: @lovemari

[unhingedkinfessions]

istg. seeing someone say "this is my kinlist!!" and its just a bunch of characters they relate to heavily makes me (kinda) upset. and i saw one a while ago who did the same thing with the tag "kin for fun" which isnt even right too!! like just call it synpath or copinglink or something similar!! and a long while ago one of my friends from another site explained to someone that kinning was just relating to a character a lot and even had [character]* irl as his username in discord for a while. like no?? huh???? and all of this is coming from someone whos only actually kinned for not even a month and doesnt really care that much about terminology. im just tired of people misusing general kin terms for whatever theyre feeling

(*not revealing the character or the source because my friends use tumblr and they can guess pretty quickly who im talking about. also sorry if this sounds more than a kinrant or a complaint (kinplaint?) or something i just needed to let this out)

dude. i was on reddit the other day and . hold on.

sorry to out myself as someone who peruses reddit but this made me so mad when i saw it.

i did not experience the fucking HORRORS of 1. being sunny, and 2. reliving the trauma + guilt of all that in my current real ass life for several months, for fuckers online to talk about their "highest kin" being a character "you relate to the most." IM GONNA THROW UP!!!

wait i just looked at ops account and in their bio they have a list of 3 charas they kin. YOU ARE NOT KINNING!! what the fuck ever.

[birdsareblooming]

im so tired of having to defend myself on both sides

like. ok. i'm queer right. bi, demigender, aro, etc. also you know a girl, demi or not. all the time i have to defend myself from american christians who via mistranslations and misinterpretations spread by horrible leaders for generations have been led into a cult-like hierarchy that tells them to hate me when hate for us isn't in their book or supposed to be in their ways.

i'm also "christian". i hesitate to use the full term because of how bad american christianity has gotten. but i believe in the same god nontheless. every day i feel i have to defend myself from queer people as well

like. i so get it. as i have just established american and european christianity has gotten so fucked up and literally off-script that i'm shocked we haven't gotten another 95 thesis and a completely new branch. it's awful horrible and people who believe in such ideas should not be in power. to the point where calling myself a christian feels wrong. at least in america.

i need ya'll to have some nuance.

firstly the understanding that those who hate queer people, non-white people in any form, women, whatever else. isn't even in the text they follow. people have misused it since it was written. preaching just the verse saying wives should care for their husbands and not the one right after saying husbands should love their wives. taking out verses referring to god's "womb." about adam might not even being a man, as in, more likely nonbinary, the verse about david getting an errection when hugging johnathan. changing verses about cleanliness into women and men not wearing the same cloths. changing verses about cultural codes and allowing a world where people have to resort to prositution into verses condemning homosexuality. [X]

like. you know the matrix. was written as a trans metaphor. then a bunch of alpha sigma grindset rich white boys took it and appropriated it, misinterpreted it, used it to boost themselves and hurt women. it's like that. those people don't make the matrix a bad movie, they just don't know it's a trans metaphor. and trans people who enjoy the matrix are like. normal and cool.

as you can see i am passionate about this. i have all this stuff memorized not only to defend my queerness but my christianity as im doing now.

there are queer christians. there are certainly poc christians as right now, south america and south africa have the highest christian populations, to the point where they're sending missionaries to america.

again i'm asking for some nuance. when i see posts basically saying "the christian god is dumb" or "satan was right actually" and blantent misinformation about what the bible says. like those kind of posts hurt my heart. my god made me queer and loves me for it, i believe in a kind god, most good christians do. i feel like other religions don't get this treatment and it's just to spiritually piss off your catholic parents.

speaking of, in doing so you seem to forget about other abrahamic religions.

i once saw a post criticizing something directly from the old testament, out of context of course. saying god was cruel and the belives were flawed and all this due to one verse. people tend to forget, or not know, that the "old testament" is the tenoch. slightly different book order, same writings.

christians, muslims, jewish people, worship the same god. different names for god, some god, same base. if you make jokes about christianty willy-nilly, you're going to accidentally hit someone else. and even if you don't, you may hurt someone still.

it doesn't hurt because i think it's "sacrilegious" or i think you're going to hell. it hurts because my community doesn't care. my community doesn't see the nuance in people and decided a specific religion is the enemy. a specific group of people is the enemy. ive been marked as the enemy

it's casual jokes to you, to me it's making fun of my god

listen, by all means make fun of the assholes. i make fun of them every day. millionaires who use privet jets than preach and love to overlook the many verses condemning the rich and saying rich people don't go to heaven. people saying that as a woman of god you shouldn't enjoy sex. weirdos online and irl that seem to think patorizing random people will get them to church. dumb white people. it's great. fuckn. mormons and jehovah's witness leaders who are straight up running a cult based on a thread of the original intention. and it's funny because they're the assholes.

but don't attack the base religion itself. understand that the religion isn't inherently harmful, certain branches, beliefs, misinterpretations, and leaders certainly are. but please be kind to the people who are normal

before you make a post saying you're gonna. i dont know 'kill the uncaring god' that you're hurting people like me, any abrahamic religion, anyone who believes in a god possibly. also that's basically my parent, it's like you're insulting my awesome mom to my face bc my older sibling sucks. like thats just mean to her for no reason.

i'm just. tired. im stuck in the middle and i hate that i have to make this post because like. this is my home and my people and im tired of seeing this shit from my peers and family. just. have nuance. care about people. don't just say shit about a religion if you don't know its true.

im tired.

[evilponds]

the amount of people misusing "compassion fatigue" is fucking exhausting to see. you might even say. fatiguing. like the term refers specifically to people who provide care or other assistance to people in traumatic situations. doctors and carers and aid workers whose livelihoods involve helping people undergoing some form of trauma, because yeah that absolutely does take a toll on you because of how much of your life and thoughts it starts to take up after enough exposure. it is not "i saw too many posts about [x atrocity] and im tired of being asked to care about it"

[redheadbigshoes]

tbh the rampant casual lesbophobia in sapphic spaces just destroys me. You'll be scrolling through a tag when a bi girl calls herself a dyke and it just chips away at you a lil bit.

I am tired of having to explain to people why you shouldn't call yourself a dyke if you're not a lesbian because they never listen anyways. I am tired of having to explain that men and maleness are not involved in my sexuality, and then being called a fucking nazi like twice. I'm just. very very tired.

Hope you have a nice day Steph. You seem like a nice person. (thumbs up emoji idfk im exhausted at the moment.)

It’s so tiring because it doesn’t seem to matter every time a lesbian calls out lesbophobia, even people in the community don’t take it seriously.

Idk why they want to call themselves a slur (that doesn’t even describe them) anyways. They don’t have any other excuse besides “I get to call myself that if people offend me by calling me that”. People could literally call them a lesbian, that still doesn’t mean they’re one. Just because someone calls you something doesn’t mean you are what they call you.

They love to throw words like nazi, fascist or terf whenever someone calls them out for something. This just proves they’re probably projecting what they are if they love misusing such serious terms for their own benefit. And the worst thing is that most people don’t even second guess the person calling you those things, instead of questioning for a second they simply believe the person is actually what they’re calling.

It’s so understandable being tired of this.

I hope you have a nice day too, anon :)

[the-blue-void]

Im so tired of people misusing terms and saying slurs like they’re nothing

Im so tired of people misusing terms and saying slurs like they’re nothing

Im so tired of people misusing terms and saying slurs like they’re nothing

[ronycore]

okay idk if this is *controversial* but im so tired of “twink” being misused. like cmon guys. i still remember people in my inbox being like “well im not skinny and i have body hair can i still call myself a twink?” like why is twink an identity you want so bad. its not even like i love the word and wanna keep the sanctity of it or anything, its just annoying when we have these gay historical terms that just get turned into mush. liek idk man

[evonkyva]

I really.wish we stop letting cowards used the phrase woke and just corner them with thier own logic.

" is it woke or would you prefer it only had white people?"

" if politics are not ok why is it ok to have a Christian, an " alt right traditionist" and zionist but not a socialist? A communist? How do you define free speech and why does it exclude things simply.cause you don't LIKE them?"

Woke is a term that originated from black men who were tired of wyt women clutching thier purses when they enter elevators but coild nto say anything as a man and a black person, black women who after be insulted for everything but thier ancestors are aware that if they even so much raise thier voice a feather weight in a way thier wyt employees feel "threatened " they could lose thier employment , blacklisted from.promotion and even other jobs or at worst killed

The definition of.woke literally can be boiled down "becoming aware that oneself is in a potential or immediate dangerous situation created from miscommunication and obstacles born from social classes such as race, physical or mental disabilities, sexuality,religion, financial(or lack of ) stability , gender expression and or nationality ( im Hella missing some but you get it)

We've all been in a woke situation. Even if you are the most whitest straightest chirstiany able-bodied cis gender because some mother fucker is ALWAYS going to have more than you, pptential.put you in danger cause they lack self-awareness and someone gonna to literally think you deserve it simply cause they exist.

" we can't hurt Johnny chances of going to.college Jessica just cause he "touch" you . Like think about him"

" Shamirah I know they put a noose around your office cubicle and tried to touch your hair but can't you just like put a wig on it ?"

" collen I know those boys make "jokes" im.the locker room.that make you uncomfortable but you "look like one of them " can't you get along "

" yea we left you in the classroom during the fire drill.cause your wheelchair is heavy but we wouldn't leave you during a REAL ONE , we promise *laughs*"

These are jusy dramatization. We all been in situation.where something very neutral about you almost got you killed and you had to make a split decision that save your life subconsciously or not by being quiet and playing along or rocking the boat to create a new normal. that's WOKE

Bigots don't like change. They Pretend calling a trans women just her name is the same of reciting an imaginary demonic hymn right before burning thier child alive but then beat the shit out of thier child for forgetting to take off thier muddy shoes before entering the house. They are fine when things make thier lives easier but are fully aware other people exsist and the only reason those other people have harm them is cause thier struggle so they re fine with hurting other under false pretenses even when the facts prove them wrong. They are immature cunts that rather hide behind a word they stole that they can't even used right.

If you're are gonna be a bigot, you should say it with your fucking chest not a dogwhistle especially a misused can even define terms you stole from the very marginalized groups you wish didn't exisist . We shouldn't ne letting them used the term woke and should question then until they jush admit the bullshit

thinking about how bigotry has gotten even more overt in recent years to the point where queer/characters of color/fat characters can simply exist and will be seen as the "evil woke agenda" and not real life people who exist 😭

[fireinanhourglass]

everyday ppl misuse the concept of "intersectionality" wrt trans issues on this god forsaken site and i want to chew my leg off.

the point of "intersectionality" (and I’m using quotes bc its use on this site/most convos is the very pop-philosophy use of the term + not getting into how this also applies to race) is to create a materialist analysis of the cis-heterosexist patriarchy and cleanly identify pathways to liberation.

the reason why we use the term "transmisogyny" is because we recognize that the material liberation of trans women/fems requires the social-economic liberation of both trans people AND women/non-men specifically. Liberation of women without liberation for trans people is how you get TERFs, and liberation for trans people without liberation for women/non-men strengthens sexism. Thus, transmisogyny clearly indicates that you must improve the material conditions of both women/non-men and trans people to liberate trans women and trans fems.

the various attempts to combine trans-masculine oppression (which is real, dont get me twisted) and transphobia fails because there isnt an equivalent breakdown. improving the social-economic conditions of men would not help trans men, but improving the social-economic conditions of trans people would. if trans men were magically assimilated into the patriarchy through an end to transphobia -- if our masculinity was validated as equivalent to cis men -- then we would not experience gendered oppression on the basis of being male, unlike how trans women/fems would continue to be oppressed on the basis of being female/feminine. it is our trans identity alone that undermines our access to male-ness and "liberation*"

goddamn. i dont care if we want to find a term to better articulate trans-masc oppression. i embrace it. i'm all for it. i have been trying to find a way to talk about it in my irl communities. but genuinely, honest to god, i am so tired of seeing a bunch of passive-aggressive BS towards real (or sometimes hypothetical) trans women (and Black feminists/womanists ime) for being uncomfortable with misuse of this analytical framework

*all men experience gendered oppression in the sense that gender roles are policed by patriarchy for reasons that are beyond the scope of this post, but if you are seriously trying to argue that improving the material conditions of men on the basis of their maleness would end hetero-sexism then i have some bad news for you on how capitalism has been pitching itself + the utility of the nuclear family since the industrial revolution. trad wives are not free

[demigodsanswer]

Performative

“Performative” and “performativity” do not mean “a performance of.” 

Performative refers to iterative acts that effect change in the world. The idea of the performative speech act was first described by J.L Austin in his book How to Do Things with Words. A performative speech act is one that effects change. The most classic example is saying “I do” at a wedding: you say “I do” and you are no longer a single person; you are now a married person. These are contrasted to constative utterances, which are statements that can be proven true or false. Saying “the sky is green” will not make the sky green. Instead, someone will be able to look at the sky and prove you wrong. 

Performative acts are also iterative. Take, for example, Judith Butler’s idea of gender performance (I’m using this as an example, not a whole-sale endorsement of her ideas). According to her ideas, gender is performative, because it is an unconscious performance. You do not wake up and decide to “put on your gender” in the way an actor puts on a costume. Rather, your gender has been curated by society and inflicted on you subconsciously. The way you act, dress, speak ect. re-performs your gender. It is iterative, because it reproduces these social norms over and over again, encouraging others to abide by the “rules” of how to act, dress, speak as a girl or boy. (Butler also couples this with Foucauldian ideas, but we won’t get into that now.) 

Performative and performativity are neutral terms. A performative act is not inherently good or bad, but the way that it is utilized makes it so. 

This is all to say that you want your activism to be performative. You want it to effect change in the world. You want it to inspire you and others to keep pushing for change. 

When you say that someone’s activism is “performative,” you likely mean that they are engaging in a “performance of” activism. Their activism is not coming from a place where they desire change, rather it’s coming from a place where they’re acting theatrically to convince you they are someone they are not. If an instagram influencer attends a protest for five minutes to take a picture with a Black Lives Matter sign and then leaves, they are engaging in a performance of activism. If someone signs a petition and posts it on their facebook, that’s a perfromative act of activism, because it may effect change in the world - the petition will be successful and/or their post will inspire someone else to sign as well (pushing to petition to a more successful position.) (The instagramer’s post, as shitty as their actions&intentions are may also have performative effects. Does that make it good? Not necessarily. Again, these are neutral terms.) 

However, I would even push back on saying that these things are a “performance of” activism, because it utilizes anti-theatrical language. Theater is not inherently a lie. It’s a fiction, but it can inspire change in the “real world.” This is Hamlet’s dilemma. He wonders how an actor who has no relationship to Hecuba “Could force his soul so to his own conceit / That from her working all his visage wann’d, / Tears in his eyes, distraction in’s aspect, / A broken voice, and his whole function suiting / With forms to his conceit? and all for nothing! / For Hecuba!” However, at the end of the same soliloquy, he comes to an interesting conclusion: “I have heard / That guilty creatures sitting at a play / Have by the very cunning of the scene / Been struck so to the soul that presently / They have proclaim’d their malefactions; / For murder, though it have no tongue, will speak / With most miraculous organ.” It would seem that, while theater certainly has some power to conceal and lie, can also reveal truth. 

We’ve seen theater produce change in the real world. Plays like Cathleen ni Houlihan, A Raisin in the Sun, and even Hamilton, which inspired people to go to protests with signs reading “This is not a moment, it’s the movement,” have had real social and political impacts. Theater is not alone - music, dance, poetry, prose, art can also have these effects. Lindsay Ellis has made a video on protest music, if you’re interested in that topic.  I am quite cynical of the power of art to make huge change (I am often reminded of the Kurt Vonnegut quote: “During the Vietnam War, every respectable artist in this country was against the war. It was like a laser beam. We were all aimed in the same direction. The power of this weapon turns out to be that of a custard pie dropped from a stepladder six feet high.”), but still, it can have some effect.   

The best phrase i’ve found that does not misuse “performative” or engages in acts of anti-theatricality is “doing it for the clout” - to do something just for the personal validation from others, not to make any change or represent some kind of truth. 

Tl;dr: You’re using “Performative” wrong. You mean “performance of.” These are not the same. Do not use “performative” as a fancy way to say “lying.”

[wordsarereallyhard]

What really grinds my gears about antis is they’ve accused so many people who are objectively not pedophiles of being pedos, now I see an accusation (of an internet account) and automatically doubt it. Why you gotta dilute a real term?

[ggots]

I swear to GOD

If your blog is “bear” themed and then I go onto your feed and see some bitch with abs I’m gonna have to revoke your gay license

[yardsards]

im tired of ppl misusing these terms so:

codependent does not mean two people who have a strong attachment and are very clingy towards one another

codependent means a specific type of unhealthy relationship where one person engages in unhealthy/self-destructive behaviours and the other person becomes their caretaker whilst enabling them, out of a need to feel needed

trauma bonding does not mean two people find common ground because they've both been through similar traumatic events and grow close because they understand each other's experiences

trauma bonding means bonding to your abuser as a survival strategy or due to manipulation. (similar to the concept of stockholm syndrome)

[mbti-notes]

hi i’m an istj. i fear the problem im going to describe is resolved by being more Te proactive and taking on more leader responsibilities and failing. just typing that out makes me feel burned out and miserable. anyway i get involved with groups that align with my values to get things done but it always feels like i somehow join things that aren’t as efficient as i’d want them to be or stagnate. at the same time that i have strong opinions about what to do i resent having to take on more responsibility to enact it. i want to be part of an established, moral, process/group but it seems like everything is in flux all the time. just making sure: is this Te-Ne dysfunction ?

Your question is about type development. An important aspect of type development is understanding the weaknesses and flaws of your type, in terms of the ways that your type tends to misuse functions. You seem to believe that your problem boils down to a simple lack of desire to lead in group situations (weak Te?), but it probably goes far deeper than that.

Si-Ne problems often manifest as a general aversion to change, specifically, unwillingness to change how one looks at a situation, which would then significantly alter one's approach to it. Imbalance between Si and Ne becomes a very unhealthy stubbornness when one is also prone to Si-Fi loop that thinks in terms of pure absolutes. In essence, you believe what you believe and you want what you want, and nothing and nobody can break through that mental wall. Perhaps not even you.

Auxiliary development is meant to help with Si extremes and Si-Fi loop stubbornness by making you care more about empirical facts (Te) than your frustration (Fi). It isn't always easy to develop the auxiliary function when you come to believe that it interferes with what makes Si feel most comfortable (e.g. "just typing that out makes me feel burned out and miserable"). If using the auxiliary function feels so "tiring", it doesn't mean that you should avoid using it. Quite the contrary. It's an indication that you haven't yet learned to use it properly, which means further development is necessary.

Te wants efficiency, that much is true. However, what separates immature Te from mature Te is how exactly one conceptualizes "efficiency". When Te is immature, one has a very rudimentary understanding of how to be efficient. For example, one is likely to believe that efficiency is achieved through assertiveness or even brute force, i.e., "making" things happen despite all the obstacles in the way. Is it any wonder that using Te feels tiring, then? You're essentially forcing yourself to swim against the current. Si doms are painfully aware that their energy is finite, so they quickly run out of steam.

However, Te isn't really about mustering up energy. This is not what makes TJs smart, strong, and formidable. Mature Te conceptualizes efficiency as reducing the amount of energy required whenever possible, which is why they have a lot of energy to take on very heavy workloads - some people call it "working smart". This is done through facing the empirical facts of a situation head on and learning to work closely with them, which makes it far easier to make them work in your favor.

Your problem requires a two pronged attack:

Are you able to change how you look at situations in order to improve your approach (to address Si-Ne imbalance)?

Are you able to face the empirical facts of the situation and work with them rather than against them (to develop better use of Te)?

Wanting to be part of a process/group that aligns with your values in order to enact some good in the world is an admirable thing to strive for. Presumably, the other people involved in the group have the same sense of mission, otherwise, they wouldn't have joined. However, what you fail to take into account is that people aren't generally single-minded.

Human beings are complex because they are motivated by a multitude of factors, whether they realize it or not. They are full of psychological conflicts, contradictory desires, irrational impulses, old baggage, and unconscious bad habits. And when you bring people together, all that stuff comes out and creates complicated entanglements. A "group" only becomes a "team" when it is able to overcome those psychological obstacles together, and it can be a very long process of learning how to maximize strengths and mitigate weaknesses in every individual member. That's why a lot of groups simply fall apart. While your intention to join the group seems simple and straightforward (because Si-Te is admirable in its ability to keep things simple and straightforward), other people's intentions might not be so simple. If you fail to take into account the irrational aspects of human nature, you will cause yourself needless suffering.

Your frustration with people is likely a manifestation of your unrealistic expectations of them. Perhaps you aren't able to understand people who don't resemble you, let alone work with them. And you will certainly be doomed to fail if the only way Te knows to deal with individual differences is to force everyone to become more like you. That's an impossible task, not because it requires the energy of a thousand suns as you assume, but because you're choosing to fight against reality. Mature Te would advise that you should first face down the empirical facts of how people operate if you hope to discover the most effective way to influence them. Your repeated experience of feeling disenchanted with groups tells you that you're missing an important piece of knowledge about groups and how they operate.

I'll give you a very simple example from my own life. I used to gather with a group of 30-50 people once a week to conduct planned discussions. The discussions never really started on time despite everyone being in their seats because people weren't focused enough at the start of the session. There was often whispering and sidetalking and such that would go on for about half an hour before the room felt settled and focused.

One method of addressing the problem arose organically. Whoever was the main speaker simply started shushing people and it became a thing. Sometimes, it would even escalate to calling people out, like a teacher scolding a student in a classroom. This definitely made the social atmosphere less inviting and more tense. Sure, people would shut up after being called out, but they became less focused due to seething with resentment. Power struggles aren't great for group morale, especially if it's supposed to be a group of equals coming together for a common cause.

It all sounds quite childish, but these kinds of judgments are useless. You can call people childish, inefficient, incompetent, etc etc, but it doesn't solve the problem. And, worse, being judgmental blocks you from understanding people better and working with them. Perhaps an ISTJ would see this as a "mess", an "inefficiency" that wastes time, and evidence of bad character when people break the rules.

However, if you change the way you look at the situation, you might not be so quick to make such judgments. Actually, it's kind of weird for a bunch of people who know each other well to enter a room and immediately sit down quietly. Humans have a natural tendency to socialize as a way to strengthen interpersonal bonds. Isn't group cohesiveness a good thing, since it encourages better cooperation? If you are able to see the benefits of their chatty behavior and how it contributes to group cohesiveness, then instead of fighting against it, you would think of ways to harness it.

The real problem wasn't inefficiency; inefficiency was merely the symptom. The more primary problem was that a lot of people joined the group not just to "get things done", but also to make friends. The structure of the event denied them from fulfilling that important need and then they were more likely to act out. This problem was discovered when people had a chance to talk about what was frustrating them, which meant that the group had to make space to conduct some uncomfortable conversations.

To address the problem, the group eventually decided that the first 15 minutes would be devoted to socializing and allowing people to catch up, with the explicit promise to get down to business when the time was up. Some people brought drinks, others brought snacks. Some even showed up early to have more time to socialize. It enlivened people and enriched their relationships. Being "officially" allowed to get the chattiness out of their system, they were better able to sit down and focus on the planned agenda. The meeting felt like fun rather than a chore. And if you're interested in a cause, don't you want to recruit more people to support it? Making things more fun is one good way to attract support. You can look at it as wasting 15 minutes OR you can look at it as a 15 minute investment.

Solutions to human problems require:

cognitive empathy: figuring out what's really going on inside people's heads (in Te terms it means working only with the empirical facts of the situation, rather than indulging negative Fi judgments)

strategy: taking the time to work with people and figuring out the best way to help them get over obstacles (in Te terms it means investing energy early and wisely to maximize your returns later, rather than putting effort into the wrong places or only stepping in to tackle mere symptoms of the problem)

creativity: harnessing natural human tendencies to produce something useful or worthwhile (in Te terms in means taking what's already there and transforming it into a NET positive, rather than getting too fixated on every little negative detail and losing sight of the bigger picture)

Te can be a great function for dealing with human problems as long as you overcome the immature aspects of it, such as impatience, bluntness, or inflexibility. Every person is unique, so every group is different. Let go of the idea that there is only one way to approach a problem/conflict and you will start to be more creative in your approach. By accepting the fact that things are always in flux and using empirical evidence to understand and predict how change works, TJs become much more effective and efficient at everything they do. When it comes to people, meeting someone different from you is an opportunity to learn how to deal with that kind of person. The more knowledge you have of human psychology under your belt, the better you get at dealing with people's weird or negative tendencies. If a strategy works, use it again. If it doesn't work, adjust it to fit their psychology better.

In your situation, you see the problem as people being inefficient, so your inclination is to step forward and do something to "make" them more efficient. Humans aren't built with the prime directive to be efficient. They're not machines. Their psychology is messy, so trying to force them to behave like a machine is to force them to go against their psychology. In other words, you're choosing the least efficient approach. The more efficient approach, though it requires more intelligent thinking on your part (you want to become more intelligent, right?), is to properly understand the more primary problem of what's really causing them to be so inefficient in the first place. That is the way to discover the right strategy. If you are able to target those obstacles at the very root, efficiency improves more naturally.

Oftentimes, working smart doesn't require you to step up and be THE leader for everyone. As an introvert, it's probably more comfortable for you to work behind the scenes to talk to people, get a better idea of what they need and/or what problems they're experiencing, and incrementally remove the obstacles that are preventing them from focusing on what they should be focused on. You can't fix everything all at once, so just do what you can to fix what you are able to fix at any given point in time. It's a process and some progress is better than no progress.