#im tired of looking at this bleh
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a kiss hello
#cletho#ethoslab#zombiecleo#hermitcraft#hermitblr#hermitcraft smp#hermitcraft fanart#fanart#hermitshipping#etho#zombie cleo#good evening here is a cletho kiss for you all#also first real cleo design! woohoo!#im tired of looking at this bleh#cleo is very fun i gotta do an outfit post for them#bitter content
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Look at me! Look at me!
#/lyr#kpop#i think id im tired and i only have the look at me! look at me! stuck in my head bleh#look at me#song of the hour
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Ray n his brother n his dad bc i love tito ray :]
#aa#ace attorney#aai2#aai#miles edgeworth#gregory edgeworth#raymond shields#eddie fender#<- cannot believe im tagging that#who is that man bc i do NOT know him#this is tito ray n his family leave him alone#that should have been klaviers namwho said that#anyway i love ray n he is so trans n pinoy to me#hed make the edgeworths such a mean pancit when inviting them to his apartment i just know it#the way he has styled everything in his life in honor of a man he looked up to....... trans beam activated#i have more ideas for ray but im just too tired to do shit bleh#digital art#ketchup art
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a gamzee 4 funsies
#my art#gamzee makara#im too tired to give a shit about making this look good im just posting 2 delete it off my phoneeeee bleh
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devil marbly carbly ft me trying to figure out how to draw all of them in real time
(the dubstep weed jacking off shirt is from a meme i would source if i uh. remembered it sorry </3)
#there's a lot of little gags i'd recommend zooming in#also it's so weird how the first two dantes look Nothing like the rest of these pages. call it a warmup ig#also nero fuck you.mp4 i spent like 40 minutes trying to figure out how to draw dmc5 nero#my dmc4 nero didn't look That much like him but i was drowning with dmc5 nero trust me#anyway i had to draw some more dante on the last page bc even though he got a whole page most of it was like. bleh#for the sake of figuring out how to draw him not bleh. so i needed to draw him not bleh. :p#dmc#devil may cry#dante sparda#nero sparda#vergil sparda#eva sparda#nico dmc#lady dmc#trish dmc#v dmc#dmc5#dmc4#dmc3#pls excuse the shit lighting i am. figjting for my very life against directional lighting okay#this contains a lot of the little thoughts i had about dmcs 3-5 that i never posted about so. enjoy <3#skrunkart#a little nero x kyrie. as a treat#does kyrie have much going on as a character? no. do i think they're cute anyway? yes#i took the most liberties w trish and im pretty sure it's bc i was tired more than anything#these adhere pretty strongly to their game designs. in time i'll add details that make em mine#but this is a study (hence all the notes)#also this ended off a sketchbook ive spent like 1.5 yrs on (which is unprecedentedly long for me like it's Crazy it took that long)#so hoorayy
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raph!! :)
#tmnt 2003#tmnt#tmnt raph#teenage mutant ninja turtles#my art#im sick rn 😔 im not gonna make it guys#it’s lik a mild cold but it’s annoying bc im tired and I wanna do stuff but i feel horrible bleh this sucks#i hate captioning art i was just gonna write ‘raph’ and call it a day but that looks lackluster yknow#also my art style is literally always changing but eh i like it it’s fine
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...
#man i was like y tf am i so tried i didnt do shit today but no i got like 5hrs sleep. walked to the store in thr 12F weather. carried back#all my groceries. walked to the police station to get keys to the autoclave. read 40 slides abt anime. started redoing a tutorial#and spent 45 min on the phone giving my intake info for a new therapist. everytime i give the spiel it gets more exhausting#it feels so dramatic like whatever ill b fine but no im seeking help for a reason bleh#but now im tired and worried abt the semester bc itll b a lot. many plates to juggle with a fragile mind#my old boss was like u have an ambitious plan for the semester and im like oh boy well see how this goes#hopefully itll b fine once i get in the groove. just go one step at a time#currently i just wanna redraw 4lways sunny screenshots but idk what ones to draw#but should sleep. i gotta write a long email tomorrow morning for a class intro bc look at me im a professional who def#does not have underlying emotional problems. ugh. idk if i described my mood stuff right to the lady on the phone but like i got diagnosed#as b1polar for a reason idk i just still feel like its fake. like ill look at the checklists and get mad when i get a positive result#which is weird bc its like. u went to 3 doctors and they said the same thing shut up. ugh whatever. i need to sleepy#unrelated
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❄️ advent calendar - day 18
had pre xmas with part of the fam, you get a wip today
#the food was freaking dope#and the company’s alright#im tired and i want to draw#i can’t wait to figure out how to act myself in social situation bleh#it’s gonna take practice and i HATE it so it also takes loads of patience#anyway there’s those colored pine cones that make fire look different color#and there’s green ones here and it’s the absolute best#adopt wip#2022 advent calender#advent calendar
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I can't be the only one that's so underwhelmed by all the teasers and singles for Babymetal's alleged concept album can i?
#1st#this is just#bleh#maybe i was spoiled by concepts albums with#idk#*specifics* to their topics#bc all of these barely even allude to whatever theyre trying to go for#like seriously go look at the lyrics of the three theyve released so far and try and point me to where the concept is#bc i cant find where they're conveying it#and metal kingdom is honestly kind of boring i couldnt even listen to the whole thing#im only excited for metalizm bc its like#the only one from the teasers with energy#and still no moametal verses on any of them from the sounds of it so guess ill die mad about that too#ignore me#im just tired#and not looking forward to babymetals 2nd concept album
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*looks extra pretty because there was more time to get dressed*
*goes to work excited to see crush*
*both drown in meetings*
*does not catch more than single glimpse of crush*
*goes home disappointed*
#bleh#im gonna be too tired tomorrow to look extra.pretty and my hair won't be as silky soft#a little history of me
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.
#just a lil vent in ths tags dont mind me#for some reason today has just sucked ASS#which is a shame bc i was excited for notn#im doing a cbt course atm and a decent part of it is like. identifying what was the cause of ur upset#but theres days like this where its just everything and also nothing#having shit luck for notn so far. maybe reading smth a lil too angsty in my spare time#not doing art like i had planned bc it didnt go well and i was already upset#and doing art while upset is a recipe for disaster#and then repeatedly getting exposed to t//e//rfs#and how do i put that all in one cbt cycle huh???#i should probably just do the lessons my advisor recommended me. ugh#AND im tired#i feel like a failure. i was planning on doing so much art but its not looking likely anymore#i get bonus art each year for the ssat and i just never manage it myself#this sucks!#this whole year blows. and i really need to do the negative thinking patterns course#:(#bleh. im going to bed now and hoping tomorrow is easier#not fr#negative
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Blegh. I have to work with the department manager for half my shift today. He's fine, but I don't think he understands that it's not that I dont talk to him its that I don't talk much at all, and I just. Don't like having to explain things like that
#ive only worked with him for two hours at a time with someone else there before#who i had been working with for 4 to 6 hours that day already#who had seen me at my barely awake zombie to my awake and active to my becoming zombie again as i get tired#so im gonna ask her the questions to things i should know because she gets it already and i dont have the brainjuice to explain#bleh. itll be fine (beating my anxiety back with a stick) im just not looking forward to it
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sat down to draw this today put down 5 brush strokes remembered i have less than two days left to study for art history exam put the pen down opened google docs spent hours on it ate came back to google docs ate again open google docs again and i am still here and im never gonna give you up never gonna let you down never gonna run around and desert you
[wip]
just finished rendering big man stan, still have to shade eda tho :')
#reblog#personal#excuse me i have to look at something that isnt google docs or i will go insane#might delete later#im tired#bleh#stan pines give me strength#ford pines bless me with knowledge
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The 5 love language
pairing: artist male y/n x childhood friend oc
warning: vomiting, stalking, obsessive behaviour, gore, open ending, not proof read, v rushed 📣📣
Valentine's Day, a day to spend with your loved ones, something you didn't have.
Forget spending Valentine's day with anyone- you had work at the convenience store. Sure, you're an artist, but money won't magically appear onto your kitchen counter.
Despite that, it didn't bother you as much as the sight you saw around you that day. (though bother might not be fitting, more like envious) There were couples everywhere on dates, holding hand and showing their affection towards each other. Bleh. (translation: when is it my turn?)
Either way, you could complain all you want but life still goes on. Sighing, you walk towards your apartment, staring down at your phone to avoid the sights of couples. It wasn't until an envelope at your door caught your attention.
The envelope had a simple yet design with a heart shape sticker on it, you hesitantly take it and enter your apartment.
After sitting on your couch for abit, you cautiously and gradually opens the letter, wary of any potential pranks, but nothing happened.
"Dear y/n
Happy Valentine's day, well, it's not Valentine's day yet but it will be soon.
I've always had a big crush on you, but i never gotten the chance to confess to you directly. Truth to be told, i'm not a courageous person, but you give me the strength to do so today :).
You are the most strongest, admirable person I've met. Whenever i listen to your music, I'm hit in awe with how talented you are. I fall even harder everytime i see you. Your presence is already enough for me to keep going.
Do you know the saying "the 5 love language"? They are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. I would love to know which one is your love language, but instead of asking, I want to let you experience all of them. I aim to make you feel loved in every way possible, starting with words of affirmation!"
..Ah.
A secret admirer,,?
You honestly didn't know something so cliche that would be done in a high school romance movie would happened to yourself, in real life.
The rest of the kettle had you fuming like a kettle, was this person a fan of poets? They sure had their way with words.
As sweet as the letter sounds, you couldnt help but feel crept out by this, how much does this person knows you? Do you even know this person?
You could only hope that it's not someone creepy, like a stalker.. You opened your phone and take a picture of the letter, sending it to your childhood bestfriend.
y/n:
photo.jpeg
hyeon:
?
what's this?
y/n:
love letter,
saw it in front of my
apartment
hyeon:
does someone have a lil crush on little y/n :0?
y/n:
hyeon:
Daniel's got a competitor 😄
y/n:
NEVER
im forever loyal to daniel
👎👎
hyeon:
haha
why are you showing me this?
y/n:
idk
felt a lil crept out
dont u think its weird??
how did they know where i lived? idfk who they are
hyeon:
hmm, thats true.
maybe it's a neighbour? they mentioned they could hear your music, they might be living around your area ?
y/n:
that make it even worse
hyeon:
lock your doors and windows, you wouldnt want to entice your little 'admirer' to break in do you?
y/n:
gtg, bye
hyeon:
i was just joking D:!
I'll be back from Russia soon, i promise <3
y/n
mm, maybe dont.
take care tho
A few days went by and nothing happened, you were beginning to wonder if the letter was just a prank from the kids around the area.
Regardless, you didn't care, you were to tired from your work ealier. Getting yelled at by your manager in front of the customers, for something rather silly. (you looked really tired but manager took it as "mf u dont like ur work isit) This was far fron the first time, and not the worst thing that had happened, but it didn't make it less draining.
you went into your apartment, turned on the light and fell right onto your couch. Rent was due in 3 weeks,, you were mentally preparing yourself to starve for the next few days to be able to have a roof under your head.
everything was tiring you out, and you just want a car to come running into you already, but the house isn't going to clean itself. You had to do chores because you have been putting off chores for a few days now. It's going to pile up the more you tell yourself "i'll do it tomorrow." so you pushes your body off the couch to start.
maybe you can start by taking out the trash.
problem was, the trash was missing. you stared at the empty, new plastic bag over the trash you didn't remember replacing. are you hallucinating?
you went over the sink to wash the dishes, to find them cleaned and kept neatly inside the cabinet. huh.
you must be going crazy, you were sure you did not wash those dishes nor keep them. even if you did, you wouldn't store them as neat as this.
are you going insane?
you quickly check the laundry, and sure enough, they were all done up. the dirty clothes were washed, the one that you didn't bother folding was folded and put away in your bedroom. Neatly.
was your landlord here this morning? Even if he was, he wouls never done something like this. He only ever told you to stop being so lazy and clean the messy apartment. He even once demanded you to clean everything up while be watched but thats it.
you hit your head against the wall, hard, to check if you had not actually fallen asleep on the couch and this was all just a dream. you winced at the pain on your forehead, that sure gave you an answer that youre not hallucinating.
maybe you're just overworked..?
you sat on your bed, noticing a familiar envelope with another sticker on your pillow.
what the fuck.
you opened the envelope, which in it read,
"dear y/n,
Surprise, it's an act of service this time! you're so hardworking that you tire yourself out,, so i decided to do somethinf to lighten the load for you. Remember to take a break when you need it okay?
I also cooked dinner for you, it's your favourite :). They're in the fridge, please enjoy, it's not healthy to starve yourself.
Eternally yours,
Your secret admirer 💌"
you wanted to kill yourself.
your stalker is in fact, a stalker.
how did they get in your house?
how did they know your habits?
you didn't even bother eating the food in the fridge, letting it sit there as you spend the night searching for cameras in your house.
y/n:
hyeon,
they broke in
the mf that sent the letter broke in
photo.jpeg
hyeon:
broke in?
how? didn't i told you to lock the doors and windows?
y/n:
idfk hyeon
they broke in and like
did my chores
and even cook dinner for me
saying its an act of service
hyeon:
are you safe?
y/n:
i dont know am i
i know this sounds weird af but im
not joking
i dont feel safe in my house rn
hyeon:
call the police.
y/n:
with what evidence
tell them that someone sent two envelope, broke into my bouse, did my chores and cooked a meal for me??
ill sound like a maniac
then they'll send me to a mental hospital
hyeon:
you'll never know unless you try,
y/n, this sound dangerous, your life could be on the line bere.
please just call the police and see if they can do anything about it.
do you still have that previous letter with you?
y/n:
yeah
hyeon:
show that to them, including the new one.
y/n:
ok
ill try
hyeon:
okay.
i wish i wasnt in russia right now.
im so sorry, please wait a bit more, ill come back soon.
update me whenever you can.
y/n:
dont be sorry,
thank you.
you never had a peaceful sleep for the next few days, the only thing keeping you sane is messaging hyeon everyday.
you have been so worn out from what happened that night. you had gone to the police, but after they didnt found anything suspicious in your house besides the two letter, they then left and told you to contact them if anything happened.
useless. you texted to hyeon.
neither did the police nor you could find any hidden cameras around your house, but that didnt mean you were safe. they could missed them, or not search at the right place.
you were sitting on your couch, scrolling down your phone to distract what had happened. suddenly, someone knocked on your door.
you groaned, thinking it was your landlord, you got up, walked to your door and peek from the peephole. nobody was there.
you opened the door slowly, immediately notices the stench behind the door. sitting on the floor in the dark hallway were two boxes wrapped like gifts with a gold ribbon.
crimson liquid was seeping through the boxes, on top of one of the box was an envelope, the one you had received a few days prior.
you suppressed the urge to throw up as you felt your breath getting quicker and shallower. you opened your phone and called the police and messaged hyeon
y/n
hyeon
when the polices arrived, they opened the boxes and envelope. one of the polices seems panickes and quickly rushes to you bringing the envelope, making you read it.
"Dear y/n,
Two, the number of hands one would need to do a heart, i thought it would be romantic to give you two gifts. After all, what's Valentine's day without gifts?
I've seen the way those two treated you, i couldnt stand watching them mistreated you. How prideful that human trash must be to push all his mistakes onto you then punishes you? Just because he's a manager? You don't deserve that, dear, so, this is for you.
And that bastard landlord of yours, the way he stares at you and put his hand at you is so disgusting. If he's gonna look at you like that, he don't deserve his eyes. Just because he's your landlord, does not mean he can put his hand on you like that, so i cut them off.
i hope you enjoy the gifts, dear. I guess this can be considered to be acts of service too? I look foward to spending some quality time with you. I can't wait to finally have you in my arm.
ps. inside the hand of your manager is a necklace. <3
Eternally yours,
Your secret admirer 💌"
you glanced at the content of the boxes, puking at the side after seeing the blood hand of your manager and your landlord's head with his eyes gouge out.
you felt helpless.
you had nowhere to go.
you didnt wanna stay here anymore, you dont feel safe anywhere.
you just want to die.
as the police patting your backs and gives you a bottle of water, you receives a text message on his phone.
hyeon:
hey, i'm here now.
i'm sorry i couldn't reply to you earlier, i just arrived in south korea.
y/n:
hyeon thank god
please
can i stay at your place for a while
i cant stay here anymore
hyeon:
Of course, i'll pick you up.
when you finally met hyeon, you collapsed into the taller man's arm, letting the tears out you have been holding in as hyeon holds you close, embracing you in much needed warmth and comfort.
"here," hyeon placed down a plate of fried rice in front of you, coincidentally it being your favourite food but you dont have any appetite after what happened.
"i can tell you havent been eating well, it's all i have at the moment, but its better than nothing."
you appreciated him, but didnt wanna eat anything at the moment, the sight of your landlors was still fresh in your mind.
"thanks, but i feel really sick right now." you felt bad for putting hyeon through the trouble, only to turn it down in the end. "i'll heat it up and have it tomorrow."
"maybe you at least drink some water?"
"sure." Hyeon was already pouring a warm cup of water for you, you were glad you at least had hyeon to come to.
you two spent a while in an awkward silence, it was like hyeon would not ask what had happened until you were ready to talk about it yourself.
"do you have work later?" you asked to distract yourself.
No, hyeon had alarms around the house. He would be notified of any suspicious activities detected.
"no, my manager said he'll take care of it."
"oh.."
then the silence were back again, until hyeon opened his mouth.
"are you going to sleep now?"
"I.." you were sure you would not be able to sleep tonight, you do not know where that stalker was, what if they too breaks into hyeon's house? will you put him in danger as well?
Even so, you're still on edge.
"do you want to share a room?"
"what?"
"you don't have to sleep alone when i'm right here for you to cuddle with!"
you sighed, "hyeon-"
"no really, maybe im just overprotective but i really dont want to leave you alone. We can catch up on the past month, and maybe if i talk enough, it might put you to sleep?"
you cried into his arms for the second time that night.
you could not remember the last time you was help to sleep, you didnt think there was ever a time actually. when he slept besides hyeon, the latter would always wrap his body around you like a koala.
not that it surprised you, hyeon had always been handsy with you ever since the two was young, but only around him.
whenever they ate together, hyeon would reach his hand out to wipe a grain of rice or a drop of sauce off your face.
whenever they play fight, hyeon would always hug you as a way to "immobilize you". when hyeon suggested decorating the house for Valentine's day to take your mind off of things, he would hold your hand and guide you through tying ribbons and hanging decorations.
And when you still couldnt stop the anxiety from rising, hyeon would hold you so close, no matter what time it is, he would remind you to breathe, and prepare plastic bags for you in case you pukes.
Heck, he even made sure that you had fallen asleep first before he would.
you felt safe by hyeon's side.
On the morning of Valentine's day, hyeon was still asleep which was expected, he had waited for you to fall asleep the night before.
You carefully and quietly slipped out of hyeon's tight hold, and headed towards the washroom, you decided to clean hyeon's office then cook a meal for him.
walking toward hyeon's office, you noticed a few paperwork on his table. It seems like it was the paperwork hyeon's had been doing last evening.
His handwriting was exceptionally neat, it had been quite some time you last seen it, but you could remember envying the man for having such a neat writing.
you noticed a half opened file on the floor, you picked it up and read the content of the files out of curiousity
they were mostly a bunch of statistics and numbers, percentages and whatnot. you wanted to stop reading but you felt drawn in his handwriting. To you, it looked familiar, like you've seen it before.
you stared longer at the words until you realized,
realized why he found it familiar.
you flipped to the next page, why did hyeon have your landlord personal informations?
you felt arms hugging you from behind, "what are you doing, snooping around my work like that? what if it's confidential?'
you didnt answer.
"y/n?" hyeon seemed to noticed you tensing up, "sorry, did i scare you that badly? you just seemed so focused on those papers, i just had to-"
"Hyeon."
"Yeah?"
You didnt know what to say, you did not know what to ask. You didnt know how to ask him.
you wish you were just dreaming.
Because.. wasnt hyeon in russia all this time?
"y/n?"
Hyeon couldnt have been in south korea. He couldnt have went into your apartment. He couldnt have place those.. letters abd boxes in your apartment if he wasnt even in the same country as you
ah.
"y/n, are you okay?"
"hyein,, can i take a look at your passport?"
"my passport? why?"
"i just want to.. confirm something."
Hyeon looked at you for a while, before letting go of you "sure, let me go get it."
As he went back to his room, you held ontobthe table tightly to avoid collapsing.
its okay.
you just had to look into his passport, then you would realize how dumb you are to suspect hyeon, the person that sheltered you when you had nowhere to go. the man that's your childhood friend who would sacrifice anything for you-
Hyeon returned, with his passport in hand. "here you go." you were about to take the passport from hum until you saw it
or more like the lack of it.
instead of handing the passport to you normally, hyeon had flipped it to the latest page. Hyeon had supposedly flew to russia first of december last year.
The last time he travelled, according to the passport,
was back in june.
"you were wondering about this, werent you?" hyeon stepped closer towards you, "when did it click?"
"your handwriting you bastard."
"ah right, that was my mistake, but dont you think it took too long for you to notice?"
Hyeon took the papers one by one, putting them together neatly, as if he was having the most normal and mundane conversation.
As if he wasnt the one that sent you all of that letters.
As if he was not the one who broke into your apartment.
As if he didnt sent that severed head and hands to you..
"i guess i should expected that, after all, i'm never the one whom you'll ever have eyes for, am i?" he smiled bitterly.
"Hyeon.." you wanted to be proven wrong, you wanted to be wrong so bad.
you wanted to believe hyeon was not capable of this.
you wanted to believe him, your closest friend, would never do such thing.
instead, you received a hug that felt so cold.
you wanted to strangle hyeon so bad. you wanted to strangle yourself.
you just felt so weak.
as much as you wanted to avoid it, the clues were all right in front of you, mocking you.
there was no one in the world who had heard and appreciated your music, who observed and knew so much of your lifestyle and habits besides ivan.
when the puzzle started coming together, you could feel yourself falling apart.
"so y/n, please tell me:
what is your favourite love language?"
you just want to die.
[draft messages]
y/n:
thanks for taking me in
im glad i hv u in my lufe
you better not tell anyone i said this,
but i dont think theres anyone else i trust
anyone else more than you
thank you.
a/n: zzzzz goodnight (disappears)
#male reader#male yandere#bottom male reader#x male reader#iwanttosleeppeladw#sub male reader#mayi'swriting—
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He can't even manage to keep his head when in the middle of a combat situation, when running alongside someone who was until recently his greatest enemy and rival. Useless, pathetic human, the thoughts keep trying to spiral and drag at him, like he's eternally standing on quicksand. Nails in his skin would help but he doesn't have time, can't stop and drag his composure together with pain so he just keeps following.
Orders are easy, instinctual, give him something to focus on fully. He obeys this one without thought, shifting behind Stampede and gripping his stupid metal pipe like he might actually use it. Probably not. When would he need to? If they get him they get him, it's not like it would--
'Stop,' he snaps at himself. 'Focus. I'm going to live through this and I'm going to get Capriccio back and I'm going to take a very long nap.' Then maybe he'd deal with the new cursed knowledge in his head.
The skittering little beasts with their too many eyes shriek when they hear the rapid bootsteps and soon the things are visible, emerging from behind a pile of rubble they'd been poking through. They're more then ready to sink their teeth in, eager for blood, scuttling right at them.
★ --;; The reassurance that Bluesummers gives him doesn't exactly constitute for much, now with how far away his voice still sounds even after coming back himself just that bit, so fir the moment Vash keeps his hold; guesses he'll keep it until told otherwise or there seems like less of a chance of the other standing his ground and letting those things catch up to him. The quickening of his steps, less dazed and steadily more coordinated, leave Vash hoping it'll be sooner rather than later.
Especially with the sound of nails on metal growing louder. There's no way around the monsters stalking in front of them, at least not one Vash can currently glean, and the sound of the Colt going off is bound to bring the others running as it reverberates down the branching corridors. Seems he really was the worst choice for Legato when it came to trying to help him; all he seems capable of doing is making everything worse.
"Don't worry about Sero," he says quietly. His pace doesn't waver; no point in it, with what's coming up. "He hates me on the best days; don't want you gettin' electrocuted, too. I'll handle 'im." A brief pause as the barrel comes up, finger against the length of the barrel, and then; "Stay behind me and get ready."
#amoirsetpacis#thr 3 amoirsetpacis#event: data corrupt#self harm cw#suicidal ideation cw#not my best reply but im tired of looking at it bleh
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#we r caught back in the agony spiral yall. bc ive made no progress writing today bc its been a long week and im tired#and i cant focus. but i could probably. im just being a baby abt it#i should just go to sleep. ive gotta go do field work tomorrow and im kinda stressed abt it#or i should do something fun thwt will made me less miserable but i csnt do that. theres no timd#time. so i should sleep. but sleep is a waste of time and really i shoulf b writing#but im tired and my tummy hurt :-(#i hope tomorrow doesnt take long :-((#no sample collection pls 🙏#and ive got interview stuff to prep for. like thats a month away but i gotta convince ppl i understand photosynthesis#and its been a fucking minute since biochem :-(#ugh. im trying to make better decisions in this new year. less destructive decisions bc i have to convince ppl ive got my shit together#so ill get hired and also i dont wanna b an annoying bummer to exist around#still no joy for what i do tho. like i was working with a masters student last week and she was like oh yea it was fun#and im like *awkward pained smiled* bc it wasnt as bad as i thought but doing it for 2 weeks would kinda hurt s lot#so well see how much damage it does me#no joy. only tasks to do. things to accomplish. for what? why? who the fuck cares. not me#me. without feeling: it would b interesting to see if X and Y#interesting in a i don't gave a fuck sorta way. bleh. so bitter. burnout u never recover from#at least i feel better thsn i did in December. well see how long it takes to drive me under again.#its just weird to look back at the me of before who was excited abt things. i burned thr insides out of that person#but no tonight we r making better choices. no writing happening so we do something more fun#ugh. i just wanna think abt quantum l3ap. but no. other things to do. sigh... even in my fun time im not allowed too much fun :-(#unrelated
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