#im thinking i might be able to abstract it enough in my brain to stop thinking about how i dislike it

[lettuce-enjoyer2]

ok listen we've already established that I do not experience romantic or sexual attraction to the human body right. right.

I do in fact experience ideological attraction to the human body, but I am unfortunately aesthetically repulsed by it. like I just don't like it on anyone. eew human body... unfortunately I am artist

[luque-moreau]

y'know i think its about time ive refurbished my psychonauts headcanons/theories

what??? me??? rewriting my psychonauts headcanons in a more comprehensible and informed way???

ye

alright, i think everyone knows what im talking about, by headcanons i mean headcanon as in singular, and as singular, i mean my "raz is somewhere on the spectrum of adhd".

so lets just get into it:

what is adhd actually?

adhd by definition stands for attention deficit hyperactive/hyperfocus disorder (yes, let me get into the details in just a sec). it is a nerodevelopmental disorder that is almost completely reliant on genetic factors, however conditions during pregnancy can sometimes contribute to certain aspects of how adhd manifests itself.

long story short, people with adhd have a smaller frontal lobe, and therefore less dopamine in general (even though yes, it is more complicated than that).

theres also a little bit of "chicken or the egg first" goin on here, certain behaviors or personality tendencies can also affect how adhd is presented in one individual to the next, however its still not clear if that is because it is an accommodating for a certain thought process or if someones experiences and personality shape their symptoms of adhd entirely. its a very blurry line, and the answer is different for everybody.

hyperactive type

hyperactive type is probably the closest to most stereotypical depictions of adhd, think the 5 year old whos parents brush off their child’s hyperactivity as something that will “go with age”. however, this isn’t only present in children, adults with adhd have to deal with a constant need for stimuli to make up for the lack of dopamine their current activity is providing them. this results in someone fidgeting frequently in repetitive or predictable motions, unable to hold attention to a specific task for long periods of time, or many other of the symptoms associated with adhd.(i sadly cannot provide more information in this area, i am not knowledgeable enough to...)

hyperfocus type

hyperfocus type is a tricky one, it can look like the complete opposite of adhd in theory. hyperfocus can look similar to special interests or hyperfixation, a great deal of time and knowledge dedicated to a very particular thing (although it is important to note that even though hyperfixations and special interests are incredibly similar, special interests is a term more typically used within autistic-circles, and isnt really the best word to use if you happen to be neurotypical). Think of maybe that kid who knows all the cool animal facts and won’t shut up about them. Its because certain trains of thought or activities might release more dopamine then others, so to get more of that dopamine, someone of hyperfocus type will be mentally unable to stop thinking or doing a very specific task or topic. this results in someone seemingly always spacing out, unable to change subjects or changing subjects too fast or with little to no correlation, or being completely unable to have enough motivation to do simple things.

personally i tend to fall under the category of hyperfocus myself rather than hyperactive, however the two are not mutually exclusive, its more common to find people with both types rather than just one. even myself, i might exhibit more tendencies to place me under the label of hyperfocus, but that doesn’t mean i don’t have any symptoms of the hyperactive type. its my personality that affects my mannerisms, which then makes certain aspects of my symptoms more or less apparent. Thats because im an INTP-T, i just tend to be more to myself and constantly in a state of thinking abstractly. I have trouble communicating and even sometimes recognizing my needs, and get to a point where im unable to do the simplest of things without feeling emotionally drained. Thats just my experience though, everybodys different. 

so what the fuck does this have to do with raz then?

well lets think about it, rather than have it just be me projecting myself onto a comfort character:

raz finds issue with connecting to kids his age

lets be honest. none of the campers really like raz that much. or at least some do the bare minimum to be try and be polite. it doesn’t seem like any of the other campers besides dogen, whos also socially outcasted, are really fond of raz. lili might like him, but that can definitely be interpreted as curiosity in someone new and different from the norm. It might not be that the kids despise him, but nobodys opinionated enough to care whether he is around or not.

social isolation is one of the most damning things i had to experience from an early age and still feel even today. there is a sense of feeling that you are different among your peers, whether that is a good thing or bad thing. it feels difficult to interact with other people you are not familiar with, and can really stunt you emotionally and socially. from a really early age, theres somethin in you that knows something is very different between the experiences of your peers compared to your own, and it can feel incredibly isolating.

raz and his borderline stupidity

time to get real again. raz is a fucking idiot. at least in the sense that sometimes his decisions seem incredibly spontaneous and not really thought through. he runs from home to attend a summer camp, not really thinking about the logistics of how he will get there, how the staff will react, how long its gonna take for his parent to find him, and so on. it doesn’t seem like he over or underestimates his abilities, he just goes for it without considering. that doesnt seem like the smartest thing to do, even though we know hes incredibly intelligent when it comes to larger, abstract situations. its the little details that he misses, small minuet things that seem unimportant that he overlooks, which can sometimes make things harder for him in the end.

i think its obvious that impulsivity is one symptom of adhd. however i cannot stress how difficult it is to think at supersonic speed and still feel incredibly stupid. i mean, thinking faster doesn’t inherently mean you will have better ideas, you can always be stupider faster, but being able to realize stupid mistakes or inconsistencies in your own thought process is annoying as hell. it feels like every time you try to recognize the issue, fix it, and move forward, you only end up not paying attention to another issue that gets bigger and more annoying than the first. Its always two steps forward, one step back, constantly making the same mistakes even though you try everything in your power to avoid them or grow as a person. The simplest of facts, ideas, or just things to remember end up being forgotten, and once youre reminded of them you remember them and feel like an idiot. however, arbitrary things and complex issues are much easier to digest and remember for me, things like history and the whole blame game charade of it all, biology and how every minuet thing has a greater impact on others and intertwines with every single factor of its environment, philosophy and theorizing why we think the way we do and what can be changed. but oh shit, im a dumbass i forgot to do my laundry. shit. god fuckin dammit.

empathy over sympathy

one of the basic themes of psychonauts is empathy. simple as that. raz goes around into other peoples brains, and tries to help them as much as he can, even if his efforts are not always successful in the way he intended. he never demonizes anyone to the point of unredeemability, and can empathize and understand other peoples perspectives. hes open to new ideas and

although some studies out there theorize that empathy is impaired due to adhd, from my perspective i feel like that is simply not true. if anything, i would say the sensitivity that comes with adhd (hypersensitivity) only enhances that empathy. i could definitely see social disconnection being one of the reasons it might appear that someone with adhd is less empathetic, however i would doubt that adhd would impair a persons empathy. adhd tends to also entail heightened emotions, this doesn’t necessarily mean a more outwardly emotional person, however it definitely shifts a persons perspective of their own emotions as well as others. the concept of hypersensitivity also completely contradicts the idea of people with adhd be less empathetic.

miscommunication and disconnect

sigh, the dad thing. yup. raz has that very iffy relationship with his dad at the beginning of the game which is eventually resolved. very abruptly, might i add. but thats not what this is about, thats a topic for another day. miscommunication seemed to be the root of the issue, however we only get razs side of the story. not to mention the severity of his claims and willingness to seemingly drop everything afterwards. kinda sus, ngl.

alright this ones a doosey. this, i feel, cements my theory pretty well. like i mentioned before, social disconnect and hypersensitivity are side effects of the symptoms of adhd.  this means people with adhd are highly more likely to either misinterpret someones words or actions if those in question are not completely transparent, its because they tend to overthink and interpenetrate responses with too much thinkin n such. the social disconnect makes a whole lot of it worse, it can just pile on top of already established feelings of inadequacy and isolation. and oversharing as a poor coping mechanism isnt an exclusively adhd related thing, it tends to be shared within similar neruodevelopmental disorders such as autism or even ptsd. i find it incredibly easy to disconnect myself from my own emotions at times and think critically at what i feel and how it affects me. which is a bad thing. if i dont acknowledge my emotions like they are my own for too long, everything falls apart. its not fun. but, that disconnect can make talking about certain more traumatic experiences or instances that had deep personal effects on my life and development as a person much easier to just share. and not always in an appropriate manner, comedic opportunity can be   v  e  r  y   enticing. this also explains why raz might have been able to drop everything about his dad after he apologized. he didn’t really, he probably still suffers just as much afterwards as he did before. but he probably wont realize that for awhile, since logically, the issue has been resolved. long story short, he has not had the time to cope, and to put that off he detaches himself from those feelings. w a c k

of course i have other reasons why i feel like raz could potentially have adhd, or at least be accurately represented in headcanon with adhd, some minor mentions being:

he uses his camp map as a journal to track his in-game progress, list of goals, and notes/snip-its of information. writing down information on some form of notepad or book is a common tool used by kids and even adults with adhd to help them keep track of minuet, individual tasks. its just using a planner, but with a bit more information. 

just from my personal perspective, the lengths raz goes to pursue his dream of being a psychonaut feel more like a special interest/hyper fixation sort of thing. he can jump between having genuine conversations with his fellow campers and just exploring the campground, to investing himself entirely in obtaining his goal, even when it seems almost impossible. thats some serious dedication to one very specific thing, y’know?

this one isnt as solid as the other but: m��̖̰̯̫̍͝o̵̦͖̟͈̹̤̥̝͐̿̄̀̀̎̓ņ̶̛̭̠̐̊̆̍͝ķ̸̝͈̺̙̰̊e̶͉͚̼̅̔͗̂͐̍̕͝͝y̶̦̖̼͖̪͎̝̖̠̐̑͋̾̔̑́͐͘ ̵̢̲̘͎͉̔̀͒̄͌͊̀͌̀m̴̲̫̮̪̖̍̐͆̕͜͝ͅả̶͙͚͗n̶̗̳̩̙̘̼̦̦͇͝ ̷̡̨̡͔̗͕̘͍̥̑͒̎̐̃g̴͔̔̈̅̐̏́̌̔̈́́o̶̥̱̽̆̂͌̀͗ ̶̝̩͙͕͛́s̴̛͓̥̲̜͓͚̣̠̆̓̌͌p̶̜̹̯̦̫̯̣̎͐̽̉̾ḙ̴͇̬͑̈́̐̈́͘͠ͅȅ̶̡̗̞̩͔̫̪͈͑̓͗d̵̠͇͎̜͔͇͒̈́́̀̅̈́̒͘y̸̡̦̠̻̖̥̿ͅ. yeah, its the most generalizing reason but look, hes moving nonstop the entire game, climbing and running around the entire goddamn place wrecking havoc. a bit of imp can be found in most people with adhd if you look hard enough.

so thanks for reading this far i guess? im oversharing even right now with this, like an i d i o t but yknow what i dont want to read the great gatsby rn, so ive got nothin better to do. who knows, maybe the second game will give us more info to either support/discredit this theory? gotta wait for pn2 i guess

:^)

[littlebabycrybtch]

bro..... im sooo tired of ppl being whiny freaks about ppl liking fictional shit ‘~too much~’. like bitches are literally fully convinced if you prefer acting out certain ideas in fiction but not irl, thats not your normal preferential boundaries but rather your brain is a mental illness BOMB and you need to be fucking hospitalized for being imaginative and having autonomy. like yall if its not taboo or smth shut uuuuhp man you’re not ‘concerned for their health’ or w/e you’re fully just tryna get away with being a nihilistic asshole who lacks sympathetic reasoning skills. listen to me. fiction is valuable. the thoughts we have on it are important. the personal lack of value you happen to put on a media is next to worthless. its not a fuckin waste of time dude, creators are people, who live in the real world, they experience it and have ideas through it and about it, they form and tweak their ideas while still definitely existing in the real world, and then put that back into the world with a new angle and new perspective, to share with other people definitely encountering it in , you guessed it , the real world. thats not disconnected. its not nothing. these things do not magically appear from fairytale land, they are created. stories mean smth, people tell them for a reason, its ok to feel smth for any story, why would we even tell them if not with the intention to impact others emotionally somehow i mean??? fiction does not Just affect reality, it is valuable to real life society, it is a functioning thriving part OF reality. 

humans have told stories since the dawn of our existence. it is literally all but an inherent species trait for us to imagine things, its tied to each and every one of us, and to reject ‘fantasy’ as smth worthless to human life is frankly just fuckin wrong and weird of you. bitch we are Supposed to get outside the box, the fandom ppl you cringe your pants over arent thinking abt fake shit too much, you guys very often just arent exercising abstract thought and imagination enough, which actually hurts your ability to engage with it critically in all the ways its meant to be. if you dont see the value in fiction its because you put in no effort to form the analysis skills. in other words, you idiots dont get the hype bc you’re too stupid to get how you're supposed to compare a book to the real world it came from. ‘uu but cmon not everythings valuable what about [tumblr designated cringe media]-’ 1. ok! somehow you havent come to this conclusion yourself yet but thats not real, whatever ppl get to enjoy is not all abt you, your bias means less than dirt to others outside of hivemind social medias, you can keep it to yourself, ppl shouldnt care about it bc it means nothing outside of ur own space, its literally funny to me that you’re so elitist you want me to cater my interests to you, Your Standard Of Quality Isnt Universal, 2. ranking the values of fiction is the waste of time here, if you compare mlp to pride and prejudice ill dissect your teeth, different emotional impacts from tragic to funny to Just A Vibe are all able to be assessed as ‘valuable to somebody else so leave well enough alone’ if you dont have 2010+ funnyman brainrot disease that makes you incapable of reflecting on anything you can find a way to joke abt first.

i mean seriously like. whenever randos start engaging with medias you ppl dont like or in ways you dont get, the strawmans yall make up to get to be cringe culture vultures abt such benign shit, and almost Always at the expense of neurodivergent people with a deeply rooted undertone of extreme ableism might i add..... its just so selfish. u have a brain ok, you’re manipulative but we both know you dont Actually think ppl automatically default to being a waifu obsessed incel rotting away at their basement computer, stagnating their social skills and straying further and further from reality with each passing day, a poor disturbed wretch that you just HAVE to save from themselves, all bc they say they. prefer fictional porn or w/e to having sex irl. buddy thats not a big deal, theyre normal, just different from you. theyre fine, you’re just uncomfortable. as a functioning adult you’re gonna have to try and recognize that sometimes that feelings gonna be 100% on you, and you cant always just lie abt the validity of it to make ppl feel obligated into agreeing with you. this is gonna be one fragment of their personhood and your self obsessed brain imploding over how unrelatable that is doesnt fucking matter, grow up bitch like. how detached do you have to be to think thats so unstable or morally wrong.... its just a completely inconsequential preferential decision that only affects them and isnt a wrong choice at all cuz nobody has to get their dick wet if they dont wanna for any reason ever and thats gotta be that tbh.... and it kills me cuz they still inherently experience the real world and are capable of thinking abt it critically,,, even tho they... masturbate to drawings or w/e the fuck ppl think is unhealthy ???? like? imagination is just fun we dont need to moderate it anymore than we moderate other fun activities i mean lol ksdjfsd this is the DEFINITION of ‘just vibing’ no one FUCKING cares and it deosnt fucking matter the way you desperately try to make ppl think it does just so u get to be loud abt ur shortcomings as a decent understanding person. 

‘uuuuuu im sorry but thats unhealthy :///’ you sound like a goddamn maniac dude stories are not unhealthy having feelings abt them is not unhealthy thinking some anime bitch that was DRAWN TO BE HOT , IS HOT, is not UNHEALTHY and you clowns arent convincing anybody you ‘care’ abt that concept anyways !! im losign my mind here skdlsdfsd medias are literally DESIGNED TO DO THIS TO PEOPLE... WE’RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL THINGS FOR IT.... IT IS WHAT MAKES THE ART WE’VE TAKEN PART IN FOR CENTURIES, “ART”.... ITS JUST... HAVING IDEAS AND EXPERIENCING IMAGINATION..... whats wildly unhealthy actually is yalls toxic obsession with ‘harsh truth’ and validating your stupid ass cwinge feewings to the point where everything that gives your underdeveloped selfish ass hives has to be a matter of health and morals and whats ‘best’ for everyone. u dont know that shit!!!! ur a petty brat and im not ur mommy ok i wont baby you so u dont feel like the shitty whiny person you are, you need to grow and do better and think outside urself already, dont put the responsibility of making u feel right for judging somebodies benign hobbies on me. i wont bc its wrong and unnecessary. you’re not a savior no ones falling for that lmao you’re just a bitch girl xoxo get over it shit truly does not matter. let them write nsfw self insert fics instead of banging !! 

to make it real do yall really not Get that basic consent kinda doesnt just mean ‘no when im not in the mood at the time’ but it means ‘no if i just dont fuckin feel like having sex ever for literally any reason at all bc i choose what i do’ and pressuring them, even with what your warped brain translates as the best of intentions, is inherently disgusting? especially with the ‘i know how to help you’ attitude like......... ohhh die soonly ew lmao! lay off this nasty shit already please it doesnt matter! stop trying to make it matter!! its not hurting you or them you stupid tumblr phd ass!! and like again yeah some media shits just truly gross but tbr now its like even That kind of shit, the Real social issues caused by Actually problematic media that ppl should discuss Genuinely without ulterior motives, is being used more and more rampantly as just a stepping stone to get to the needless mockery of other harmless things in the media they want an excuse to bag on.......... like a bitch cant just be grown and talk about problems at face value without getting a bully jab in. smhhhhh you all fuckin suck please just stop talking already. so anyways yeah being attracted to fictional characters instead of real people or w/e IS funny, funny how many boyfriends they have when u have none xoxo theyre having fun and you can die sad abt it they get to die 5 times in an angsty fantasy fic and be brought back with mouth to mouth by fuckin kakashi every time and then they go get lunch irl while ur updating tinder bitch ... different fucking strokes ig !

[tobiomlk]

those tsukki fluff hcs? i am LIVING. could i get general dating hcs for tobio? 👉👈 good luck with your blog - 🐸

— kageyama as your boyfriend

LISTEN kageyama has a condition where brain is filled by (2) things: volleyball and food. relationships? that doesn’t exists. you’re gonna need either a miracle or a saint’s patience to get anywhere with this nerd, whichever works best for you.

i hope you’re well aware that your luck is on a negative count from the get-go, since 1) his knowlodge about romance is next to none and 2) he’s dense as fuck. even if he’s the one to develop feelings first, he wouldn’t act on those any sooner because he doesn’t even gets what’s going on. he just goes ( ??? ) whenever you smile at him and there’s this funny feeling around his ribcage and he’s 100% sure it’s hunger. so, unless you have the guts to fess up first… get ready to simp over this boy for the longest time.

that or until his teammates ( namely, suga ) do a divine intervention ‘cause damn, he’s so grossly in love, and if kageyama was already in the dark we fucking lost him, because what does it means to be in love??? that’s not a position or a game tactic as far as he’s concerned.

he even goes as far as to seek the textbook definition on dictionaries and spiel to himself like a damned mantra in the hopes he’ll get it but guess what? he doesn’t. if anything, he just further confused with the poor intent of describing such abstract concept with big words.

the whole process of realization is so agonizing and infuriatingly slow, it has gotten to the point where all da fucking team is up to date with the tragedy and they’re even making bets as to how it’s going to end ( tanaka and noya are putting all their money to kageyama not ever knowing about his feelings, ennoshita and the third-graders still have a bit of hope for their son. the first-graders are just enjoying the shitshow. )

but when it finally hits him… that there’s no better place than the one by your side and he couldn’t possibly have it otherwise… then it’s over for both of you.

once tobio is set his way, there’s no stopping him. hell, he might as well blurt it out as soon as he sees you, for all he cares. “it seems like i’ve fallen in love with you”.

but now you returning his feelings??? the most unrealistic and unlikiest scenario. his monkey brain definitively didn’t think out this far and now he’s in shambles. you’ve to spent half of an hour explaining to him that, all of it apparently means that you can be “a couple or something” and you can literally see his braincells combusting through his eyes.

are you going to clown him for his confession for the rest of his life? yes. do you hold the moment close to your heart regardless? Yes You Do.

needless to say, kageyama as a partner is awfully awkward. the boy’s barely familiar with platonic relationships, dating it’s like walking blindfolded onto unknown territory. he’s going to need you to teach him the ropes !!! ( not that you’re complaining, of course you’re not complaining )

being as unapproachable and volleyball-crazy as he’s known to be, i think many people depict kageyama as someone who doesn’t fully invests himself onto his social relations, especially the non-platonic field; because yes, to kageyama, volleyball comes first and foremost, but he’s just as devoted and earnest when it comes to his teammates and friends, and more importantly, you. once there’s something that means a lot to kageyama, he’ll give everything he has to offer, and you aren’t the exception to the rule.

while volleyball still takes most of his time and that won’t change under no circumstances, you can tell he does his best to spend the scarce time he has to spare with you. juggling between his passion and his loved one is not an easy task, but kageyama knew what he was applying himself for and there’s no way he’ll be half-assing, no sir!

at the very least, he always makes sure to walk you home. even if that means he’ll have to return afterwards to the gym, because he always trains ‘til very late and there’s no way he’s gonna keep you waiting that long for him ( you keep telling him it’s fine, that you don’t mind waiting, but he doesn’t relents “no. im taking you home first, then practice. and that’s final. now come here, dumbass.” )

he also calls you every single night before heading to sleep! he can’t stay long on the phone because he needs to go to bed early for morning practice, but just being able to hear your voice… to know about you and your day… is more than enough for him.

honestly it never fails to melt your heart when he begins talking in this raspy, low voice and you can tell he’s sleepy by the way he mumbles his words so you tell him that it’s ok for him to go to sleep now but he just shakes his head in spite of the fact you can’t see him and goes like “i still have a couple of minutes left. i want to hear your voice.” like honestly GET FUCKED !!!!!! HE’S SO LOVELY I’M-

kageyama understands if you have different interests and things you’re passionated about ( in fact, he’ll even try it out just so he can something to share with you! ), but, truly, nothing would make this blueberry as happier than you showing the tiniest bit of interest into volleyball. sometimes, the topic creeps onto your talk and unavoidably, tobio switchs to full nerd mode and starts geeking out about the matches and stuff and he’s just so giddy about it but then he freezes, and realizes he might be info-dumping you about something you probably don’t even care about, so he kinda cuts himself before going on… but the look of sheer happiness he offers you when you encourage him to go on? how his big, doe-eyes lit up once you ask him to explain you more carefully? can you possibly fathom how joyous it makes him to know he can get the best of his favorite things together?

to be honest, you’d expect him to be less considerate and act more fit of the self-centered, entitled king role he has been granted— not saying that he doesn’t slips and has his bossy moments of no filter, because he does, but the thing is: he’s surprisingly open to your opinions, too. over time, he’s been taught that communication is of utmost importance and the only way to understand others and have them understand you, and he’s firmly sure that applies to every aspect of his life. he wants you to know that, just as he speaks his mind, you’re free to do the same.

it’s ok if you argue, it’s ok if your points of view don’t match, because that means you’re talking to each other, and that’s way better than letting things sink without actual closure. kageyama learnt that the rough way. his speech might not be the most articulated or refinated, but he tries his best to get his points accross without unecessarily hurting your feelings. communication is so crucial to him, please, keep it in mind.

with that being said, kageyama’s prone to be unromantic and even insensitive at times with how he voices his opinions, because he’s no concept of sugar-coating and won’t hesitate to tell you if you suck at something, or flawlessly ignore your efforts to put on a lovey-dovey mood. but if you talk him about it and express that you’d like him to have some more tact, he’ll take the note! “tact? ok, ok. i’ll.  try to be as tactful as possible from now on and… read the mood? but i make no promises” ( spoiler alert: he keeps telling you that you suck but now he lets you have a sip of his milk and pets your head to soften the blow. )

and speaking of physical affection… god, kageyama is an utter stranger to pda. i mean, the boy is just a prude, unripe blueberry. he doesn’t know how it works, he’s not used to it, and the last thing he wants is to go and do something that’ll put you on a tough spot. your comfort is one of his main priorities, so you have to let him know what’s ok and whatnot, then he’ll start getting the hang of it. once he does, you’ll find out that kageyama is, as a matter of fact, one of the most touch-starved persons you’ll come accross with.

he just can’t seem to get his hands off of you, in the most literal and non-sensual way possible. be it small gestures like your hands brushing together, shoulders bumping, or your heads resting against each others’, kageyama just craves the feeling of your skin against his. despite how bad he denies it, he’s pretty clingy.

you’ve picked on how much he apparently enjoys holding hands, and petting your head, for that matter. you don’t know why, but his hand would always makes its way atop your head. it has even gotten to the point in where he does it out of habit, and when you ask him what’s wrong he just replies “nothing? why do you ask?”

i think kageyama has two stages while he’s on a relationship. the earlier ones, where he cannot lock eyes with you for more than give seconds before going all blushy and stiff, and the advanced ones, in where physical contact has practically become a must and one of his primary functions as a human being to operate naturally.

kageyama’s hugs are so freaking awkward at first… there’s no guides about this. does he just envelops you with his arms ??? and then stay still like that ??? what if he hurts you by holding you too tight ??? oh my god he’s even holding his breath while he’s at it SOMEONE FREE HIM-

and don’t even get me started on the kisses. LISTEN YOU DEFINITIVELY CLASH YOUR TEETH DURING YOU FIRST KISS AND YOU ABSOLUTELY CANNOT CHANGE MY MIND ON THIS ONE !!!!! knowing him, he needs weeks of mental preparation and advice from his god-send suga-senpai before going for it, and when the moment comes… he goes too hard for literally no reason and right after you’re both on the floor whimpering ‘cause that shit HURTED.

“ow, ow… tobio WHAT the HELL” “oh, PISS OFF”

well, at least he has an excuse for rehearsing!!! don’t worry, he’s a fast-learner ;))))

cuddling is just about the same you guys spend all day squirming in order to find a comfortable position and it’s just a mess™ of limbs and giggles.

“wait… maybe if i put my arm around here…” “wait, tobio, you’re tickling me-” “??? don’t laugh !!! STOP LAUGHING THIS IS NOT FUNNY”

but once you finally manage to settle down, god, it’s so pure… kageyama loves to have you in his beefy, setter arms as much as he loves being hold by you. the crook of your neck? a heavingly place for him to rest his head and which belongs to him and him only !!!

look kageyama is so weak for physical affection i’m not even kidding. all you need to calm him down is to rub his back soothingly and he’ll even forget why he was so mad about to begin with. the amount of power you hold over this boy… it genuinely surprises people to see how tame he’s when it comes to you. everyone can agree that if kageyama has a weakness, that’s you.

tobio is not the one to get particularly cheesy or romantic, everyone knows at least that much. however, he has this thing in where he genuinely voices out how great he considers you to be without batting an eyelash which of course makes you super flustered because “why are you getting so cheeky for?” “??? it’s the truth though” SHUT UP IM SOBBING.

you know how slow and oblivious your boy is, so the last thing you expect is him being able to read you as easily? it takes its sweet time, but within the years, kageyama steadily learns to understand you and how do you operate. your habits, your body language, what makes you happy or upset, he knows all of it. he can tell when something’s off just from a glance, yet he’s so nonchalant about it— like it’s obvious to know what’s on your mind. now, does he know how to act knowing this? not really, but give him props, he tries his best!

with all that has happened to him, it should come as no surprise the fact kageyama can get pretty insecure in the relationship. it’s not like he doesn’t trusts or you ( god, the boy could trust you with his life ), but you can’t blame him for letting his insecurities get the best of him. he’s just so, so afraid… that one day you’ll notice how unlikeable he truly is and you end up leaving him, like most of the people have done to him in his life…

tobio desesperately needs the reasurrance, the words of affirmation, to bask on the feeling of knowing he’s so deeply loved, and that he’s no such thing as an unlovable person. i hope you let him know that, just as he lets you know how grateful he’s for having you in his life.

all in all, kageyama can be a blunt, awkward and more than a bit dense partner, but he’s striving to become a better version of himself day by day, so, he secretely wishes you’ll put up with him a little longer.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

here’s the matter of fact text post re: i guess i achieved the goal of an intermittent thing i’d do where i’d try to find anyone online talking about the ‘weird’ experience i have with masturbation which is, inherently, not exciting or anything but it’s like, even if i just Know of course it’s not just me, i want to like, hear someone else talk about anything similar ever, b/c so far it’s just a text post i saw once and can’t ever rediscover and someone talking about their experience that stems from an inapplicable physical trauma so....Yay, seeing as it’s been years i’ve been like “seriously though” lmao  

i was like Lol @ myself b/c i was like “man after i try for like 30 sec to crank it it a) doesn’t go anywhere hardly and b) i lose interest Way fast and it’s like mildly annoying” and so i thought about that post that’s like [me after sex: well that was a waste of my goddamn time. anyway back to speedrunning] but that’s me after a halfhearted attempt to masturbate and not really getting anything out of it anyways lmaoo like. it’s okay or i wouldn’t even bother fairly regularly but also it tends to end with like, me going off on a distracted tangent for even a moment and it can just hit an absolute brick wall like okay i don’t even have the Interest in continuing with this anymore like i might’ve had before starting like Well That Was A Waste Of My Goddamn Time Anyway Back To [whatever it is that i do]

and then like either that same night or the next my dreams had the audacity to get deeply uncomfortable for no reason like. all i do is have Anxiety Dream Themes thrown together where like. for example as i write this, two nights ago i had a dream segment about “i’m on vacation at the beach” but it was all Anxiety b/c it’ll all be about how i can hardly visit said beach coz i keep getting sidetracked at the hotel or w/e while i’m Trying to visit it while i still can, and last night i had the same Theme but trying and failing to ride roller coasters (which i Enjoy irl) and like, the beach one in particular recurs not Too infrequently lmao where i’m surprised by the rarity of something like “you’re at the beach and it’s fun” lol.......i don’t have anything i’d call a nightmare too often but Anxiety / a somewhat threatening/worrisome situation is like, fairly constant lol, with some occasionally more neutral stuff and a really rare Fun Dream but anyways it was still Bizarre that my dreams pitched me “you’re Someone who i guess is dating this abstract Partner and the scenario is you feel obligated to have sex with them” and it was weird like, woke up the next day like “why did my brain drag me through this deeply unpleasant dream situation” like. not totally unheard of for my dreams to touch on a Scene ft. sex and/or physical intimacy and even on occasion it’ll be an “i’m (or whoever i am as a maybe semi-abstract First Person camera character lol maybe ft. some particular concept attached to the ‘role’) having some sexual encounter and it’s Fine or enjoyable” but it’s generally fleeting As Per Usual Dream Structure and it’s like why was this one that sucked like, particularly dragged out by those usual dream standard’s, come on

anyways so going “haha i’m living the Waste Of My Goddamn Time thing” and “well thank you to my own brain for a bizarre and unpleasant experience while i’m just trying to be passed tf out” i was like “let’s look up again why not only can i not seem to orgasm but also like even expecting a way lower level of stimulation still Disappoints sometime like why do i bother” and yeah after first going the “does anyone Never manage to Not slam into a brick wall / basically completely lose interest all at once or practically all at once even and it all goes back to zero even if you started at like maybe a 1 or 1.5 and sometimes it happens with going down a random mental track” route i interestingly got some cis guys going “yeah hate when that happens on occasion” but yeah by now i had of course given up on “can i come at this from an [experiencing sensory input and processing from an autistic angle] angle” like. idk still interested in that of course lmao but god is searching for it a bit exhausting. but yeah after i threw in an [-erectile] search modifier i got was like oh a result on a site about asexuality re: masturbation, why didn’t i think of That angle. idk but here we are

informative stuff but the comments section where people who wanted to read an [about: masturbation] on a site About asexuality were talking about their experiences was like. i had mentioned how it was Enlightening that one person said I Do Not Enjoy Orgasms lol like i have not really heard that angle vs “you might not enjoy sexual stimulation” and/or “you might not be able to orgasm” but not you Can orgasm but you Might Not Even Like It Really like. the person said yes they got the Peak Of Intense Pleasure out of the orgasm but not so much any kind of afterglow and felt like they get dropped back to where they were before even trying to masturbate (aka. square zero again lol) and just yeah outright mentioned Not Enjoying it and another person replied like Yep it’s like that for me too.........already i’m like man i don’t even approach anywhere near an orgasm Ever but man would not be surprised if, even if i theoretically was capable of the physical experience, it would be the same as this way lower level Waste Of My Goddamn Time deal lol.......it’s Hilarious too that like. say “being at all in the mood to try to spank it” is a Square/Level 1, i feel like yeah most of the time i’m only getting this shit going to a 1.5, maybe a 2 or 2.5 if we’re on fire......very very very rarely have i been like “hey that was like, a 3 or some shit, damn” and honestly it’s not like oh so that ruled and is motivation to continue b/c like. the Surprise of it throws me off and it’s not necessarily that Great a surprise, more just like, jeez, idk, it feels like A Bit Much that basically registers as Tension where i’m hardly encouraged to keep it up like, makes me wonder if that’s a Sensory Processing Thing aka how sometimes i try to get any more in depth info on the logistics of Experiencing Sexual Stimulation re: also being autistic and the variety of ways that can unfold (i do know that like. the Sensory thing apparently can sure be a factor in either direction, i.e. might cause some ppl to really not enjoy sexual stimulation Or to like, super enjoy it. allistic ppl who might realize “thinking sex is awesome” is “”normal,”” brilliant.....like u didnt also “realize” that stims like fidget cubes and weighted blankets can be enjoyed “”normally”” like. still having a diff experience here and shut it) and i remember one time i was like “c’est la vie i will purchase a vibrator (and i got a second, external one as some deal going on)” and it was just a No Go b/c. it didn’t feel “bad” in that it was not necessarily like, yep here’s some sexual stimulation, but it was like, overwhelming in a Not Good way, yet also not physically painful, and i realize vibrators are made w/ different intensities and i definitely got Mildest ones so it wasn’t that

anyways like yeah #tbt to a time i really gave it a go (vibrator-less) for truly just short of two solid hours......plenty of that was me at Square Zero and getting back to level 1 alone (aka like. feeling Any positive response at all lmao) was kind of an achievement and maybe there was some 1.5 or 2 in there but it wasn’t like i felt that motivated and Just Keeping At It was not necessarily helping so. that was a waste of my goddamn time

can’t really remember what i was doing differently the last time i kicked things up to maybe a solid 2-3 Zone for truly like One Moment lol.....think i was just getting a little more hands on (since usually a spike in intensity makes me go “[?? / !!] whoa :/” and i lose Any momentum and/or “progress”) and that spike in intensity made me go [?? / !!] Whoa :/ and it didn’t matter, just got back to zero as always, and it’s not like these “Achievements” are “Enlightening” where i’m then like wow everyone’s right, really Trying with this shit pays off like lol. i still make a cursory effort but really just to burn off that Level 1-ness if anything like. kinda like “yeah neat here we go” but like. probably literally a minute or two later it’s like well Anyways.......another fun detail is that it’s not Always like “oh i got off on some mental sidetrack and losing focus = losing like All of even this low level of arousal and im back at zero” like, i might be in the middle of things and Lose Interest even while i’m currently experiencing a nonzero level of “yep this is some sexual stimulation” lol but it’s just like smh Whatever @ it......like, on the one hand the Tension of the stimulation gets in its own way, but if i entirely lose that then it’s like well okay this isn’t gonna go anywhere, may as well stop

so anyhow here’s the Particular Comment where i was like “wow this is so similar to #me that i guess i’ve finally found Someone Talking About It* (*however it goes for me)”

i can’t say i’ve done the Holding My Breath thing on Purpose but now sometimes i do notice i do it (and have probably Been doing it) lol like oh there i went and Exhaled in a [was holding my breath] way lol coz like they say there with the Loss Of Any Tension and the Square Zero (Not Even Square One) thing like yeah lmao. and very same with the Five Minutes Max thing b/c yeah it really can be even less than One Minute sometimes before it’s like yeah square zero or just i lose enough interest anyways, getting bored like they say, ugh like it’s a brief description obviously lmao but i’m like god well there it is i guess, the [i know it’s not Just Me experiencing this like this but i’d still fucking like to find anyone else actually talking about it] account For Once Finally, thanks for putting it out there, Disappointed and a lil bored

naturally there are also ppl in the comments talking about how masturbation is an enjoyable thing for them and particular tips there but like it is Hilarious to me how a) some people orgasm easily or like. orgasm if they put effort into masturbation lmaooo like fucking imagine. and b) idk it’s like well i’m sure i’ve made hundreds of attempts and not even any Near Misses, it is simply like, not happening and c) yet at the same time Like This Commenter it’s like “well is there just another way of doing it i somehow haven’t hit on” like naturally i have to wonder like well idk maybe it’d be diff with a sexual partner b/c yknow, the same stimulation from Someone Else vs Yourself, and yet d) ha ha of course i haven’t had sex which people Don’t think of as Not A Joke lmao i referred to this fact abt myself with some casual humor to someone and my temper flared up when that was later taken as a Cue for someone who is not me to jokingly reference it (by Temper Flaring i mean i got annoyed enough to go Do Not Do That e.g. the post that’s like “[asserts one boundary] i’m not a people pleaser anymore i’m actually a huge cunt now”) and i probably shouldn’t feel like i have to “justify” this as well somehow other people have probably tried to Make A Move re: me but i have not been into it like well, what if nobody had ever been Interested that i knew of, that would be fine too, but. i am aware that ppl think of this as a joke still lmao, and i have to say that. im already doing letters like a) b) c) aren’t i but whatever, starting over a) well i haven’t had All the opportunity in the world as i have at various points (but basically continuously) for various reasons been pretty isolated and b) idk i have not had all these signs that point to me wanting to have sex with people exactly lmao but it’s like, c) even if i go “well maybe there’s Exceptions out there or Situations That Will Be Conducively Different Than The Limited Range Of Ones I’ve Had So Far” it’s like, okay, i could still just continue to feel “nah :/” re: any “opportunity” that ever presents itself or whatever. it is all very abstract for me anyways, so it’s like, whatever. but i’m also not the most Glad to discuss it b/c idk a lot of this stuff i know is like A Joke including how i’m still simmering with resentment from a year ago or more over some Tweet i saw trying to dunk a meme about how asexuals are Anti-Psychology like, that’s an entire Other Essay there but needless to say for one thing i just pre-resent people hearing “could being autistic factor into the particular experience i have losing interest / arousal so easily (and inevitably as it’s big time primary anorgasmia around here)” and going “aha that makes sense b/c being ace means there’s something Dysfunctional going on cuz Lbr and bieng autistic means being a Fucked Up version of an allistic person and your autistacity is going to fuck up things about you which ought to function properly” like well that feeds right into itself in a loop and i hate it. and i know the whole “hehe someone who hasn’t had sex is a loser” thing is way engrained in there lmao ppl throw that punchline out all the time and like, idk, see the (i’m autistic) thing like it’s not like this is an unprecedented concept or the only front on which im like “i Know this is a thing ppl negatively judge in general but i also Know i do not buy into that or feel bad about it” like i do not personally consider myself cringe and fail for not having had sex ever and do not consider that Premise that someone is a joke for it to be true re: anyone but at the same time i know that this whole Awareness that people are shitty about it is frustrating to me lol. plus i think it is getting into the Entire Thing where concepts as broad as Maturity and Humanity At Its Most Complex And Worthwhile are considered intrinsically linked to romance and sex, which is something that i am somewhat self-conscious of being aromantic and [having never had sex and it could well be that i will not ever have sex even if The Opportunity(tm) is there] and i know it is frustrating to me b/c sometimes when i start to even talk about “i have not had sex yes im aware this is like (spit take) what a nerd, Sure” b/c i will easily cry out of frustration like 5 seconds in lol. which i cry easily enough but Usually getting teared up b/c i feel Hyped Up / Enthusiasm for something lmfao.......anyways plenty of tangents to go down here but my point is shoutout to the other person for also never orgasming and just being bored with masturbation if anything

and also to the people who were like “i can have / have had orgasms but i don’t actually enjoy it” like considering the way that [not like i experience anything even close to an orgasm but there is sometimes An Increase in arousal achieved, either a tiny raise in the Level or on occasion a bit of a kick which is mostly like “whoa tf chill out”] is overall Underwhelming even if there is Any enjoyment in it and the whole Back To Square Zero (Not Even Square One) thing re: the entire lack of afterglow they mention and it’s like well that kinda feels like parallel experiences here lmao. which tbh is like. makes me care even less with like Humorous Annoyance at the fact that ppl are out here simply able to have orgasms and to have access to that just by like yep here i go masturbating lmaooo like okay

anyways idk how to Conclude this lmfao. Fun Fact i have hc’s about how winston billions who is autistic experiences sexual stimulation (he gets the Really Enjoys It kind of sensory processing time here lol) but i suppose the easiest simplest one to explain is the “remember the Tayston Crying Sex drawing, the idea is that things can be kinda overwhelming while still being Good if it’s handled right by his partner (or himself ig lol) and he can tear up as sort of an overflow thing” like well you probably already knew that was connected to the broader whole of Winston Billions Autistic Hc’s but in case you didn’t: it is

[swiftythewriter]

i have no one to talk to. i have no one. so, i am just here, venting and hoping that saying it outloud getting my thoughts in order will make it better. 

my best friend wont talk to me, it’s been weeks and longer since she has reliably answered my messages. the two friends i’v managed to make in my conversion class aren’t talking to me either. just, stopped answering their phones all of a sudden. i don’t now what id did. i don’t know. did i do anything?  and my grandma has just dismissed me as a lost cause since i was arguing with her, since i just wanted her to understand my perspective rather than jut go along with her decisions like always.

i have been trying so hard. not to give up. not to give up on me, on living. trying to live and get better. do the work. but how can i if everyne else has already given up. do they...do they just see me as a lost cause? am i? i’m trying,  i swear i am, but am i?

what did i do? what should i do? how can i possibly fix any of it

i’ve been lying for a very long time saying that i have my life, my future under control, as if my dreams and ambitions i could will into existence. but i don’t. i don’t. gd i don’t. im nineteen going on twenty going on the rest of my life and i don’t have a diploma or a GED. i need to fix that, i want to fix that. but it’s so hard. 

thing is, i stopped studying near completly around 6th grade. i was homeschooled. no one noticed for a very long time. and i have reasons for that, excuses. i never really expected to live past eighteen. never expected to have to deal with it. but i’m here now. trying to get everything back on track an i feel like i’m drowning under the weight of everything i do not know.

i took a test today for something called dyscalcuia. not an offical one, just an online thing but my score was still in the top percentials. and it makes sense. it makes a lot of sense. i was relieved. if it’s true, it means i’m not lazy or stupid and that my adversion and extreme anxiety whenever the subject comes up has a cause and a reason rather being a personality flaw. it goes hand and hand with dyslexia, too, which I have, and adhd, which i think i have.

but, um, mimi didn’t react that way when i told her. she thinks this is just another thing i found to put a road block to my actual studying. she’s like that, you know? when i say my depression or anxiety makes X task difficult or affects the way i approach it, she dees it as me saying i refuse to do X because i only think i’m can’t, that i’m frozen. so, she took that as another excuse in order not to do math.

and, uh, maybe it is? maybe i want a way out. because it hurts, sometimes. it just, doesn’t make sense. there’s logic, maybe, but it’s not the right kind of logic. there’s no feeing behind it, it’s not a person’s mind, it might as well be a machine. every other subject i am able to grasp some level of comprehension, of appication, but not this. it’s just cold.

mimi says it’s just memorization, that i just don’t want to do it, that i am the kind of person that jus gets too caught up on the abstract, on the why’s of everything that this causes me trouble because it would take forever for me to go through each problem and trace it back to it’s roots and history and i just have to focus on the memorization and i try but it’s so hard.

i remember being a kid and thinking that everytime math started to make some kind of sense i got the rug pulled out from under me and i’m still thinking that. i’m still here, staring at the numbers that don’t make sense, i’m still here and i’m falling.

i need to fix my life. i need to get a GED. to get a GED i need to do math, because that’s the part everone fails on, they say. mimi says not to focus on the other subjects even though i’m drowning under the weight of everything i don’t know. mimi says to focus only on the math, to focus on the exact problems they’re going to have on there. don’t go back to the basics even though i am drowning under the weight of everything i do not know, we don’t have time. you’ve wasted so much time. we’re running out of time. and i try, i try but i need. 

youtube videos, unconnected, different instructor, the same lesson over and over in different words then skip ahead, no too far i don’t understand, go back we’ve done all this my brain slowing to a crawl. i scream i need structure, that i can’t keep going like this but it gets lost in the place between my throat and my teath, comes out in frustrated tears and mimi saying “i give up, it’s your life, do whatever you want.” only help i have gone, gone, gone an how can i fix it? don’t give me the world, it’s my world but don’t give me it, my hands aren’t steady enough i can’t keep it from breaking.

i need a GED. i need to go to college. i want to go to collage. i want to major in psycology, go to med school, become a psychiatrist. spend my live helping people because writing isn’t an option as a career and if i can’t spend my life doing what i love at the very least i want to spend it doing something i value. i’ve turned this over and over in my mind until the dream has become a sort of truth, but my hands are empty, i am alone and i don’t know how to fix it.

i always thought that, with the depression that hit that time of my life that staying in public school probably would’ve killed me with all the academic and social pressures. it’s one of the reason why i refused to attend the last year of highschool when i had a chance, even though i deeply regret that choice. 

but i’m now wondering if the lack of structure in my life was part of my depression being so strong. i had no routine other than the one i created, no socialization, no reason to study because i lacked any reward systems for when i did get anything right and no oversight when i got it wrong. after age 11 didn’t even have a babysitter and i could just, do what i wanted becaue mimi was always at work and and i don’t think it was very healthy for me and that it left me with a lot a negative habbits to this day.

so, right now i’m guzzling a caffinated drink and waiting for my hands to stop shaking because i read somewhere that caffine helps adhd and even though it makes my anxiety and the symptions of my illness worse i despretly need the focus. and i’m hoping that hashem will help me in this, because i honestly don’t know the way out of it

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

MEAT EPILOGUE 2

11

Thizzle thizzle, you thizzink. Yo' glaszes are brokizzle foreva, n you totally fucked up n underestimated young Lord English. Roze should have known betta thiznan ta trust dis ta you alone.

Roze, Roze... yo' smart, clockin' Roze, you can almizzle hear ha voice now.

> Listizzle closa, jackass, betta check yo self.

Oh, wait. Yizzle do hear ha voice. Saggin' low n muted through tha wall of yo' cell. You’ve onlizzle realize' right now that your cizzy has walls, coz it’s awfully bright 'n hizzay. It’s so white that nuttin 'n thizne ciznell be straight trippin' a shadow. Look'n around, yizzay realize there be no apparent source ta all dis bright lizzy, mak'n it hiznard ta tell whizzle the floor ends and tha wizzalls bizzle.

ROZE: John? John? Are yizzy T-H-to-tha-izzere?

Pusha voice be muffled, com'n from wizzy yizzle presume ta be an adjizzle room simizzle ta yizzle on tha otha side of tha W-to-tha-izzall.

JOHN, know what im sayin? yizneah, i’m here.

ROZE: Oh, thiznank goodness. Everyone’s accounted fo` thizzle. Be you okay ya feelin' me?

JIZZAY: whizzle?

ROZE: They call me tha president. Be yizzle OKIZZLE like a tru playa'?

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN keep'n it real yo: i think so. i cizzy barizzle hiznear you tizzy.

Yiznou can hear a thud from Roze’s corna, like someone slump'n against tha W-to-tha-izzall 'n relief. Well, that’s what Y-to-tha-izzou’re do'n at least cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map.

JADE: —ay?

DIZNAVE: yizzeah im fine too but dis be

DAVE: uh

DAVE upside yo head: dis is kinda dorky ta say out L-to-tha-izzoud but i dont

DIZNAVE: fizneel... tizzle

DAVE if you gots a paper stack: thiznats not just me rizzay you guys feel it too

DAVE: or dont

JADE now fuckers lemme here ya say hoe: yeah

JADE: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. i mean thizzles obviously space inside dis box but i cizzy do ANYTH'N

JADE: its like im blind

Tha noize outside tha juju grows. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. Sum-m sum-m shizzarp and metallizzle splinta above n rains diznown on tha tizzop of tizzy chest.

ROSE: W-H-to-tha-izzat did mah future self sizzle it was we hizzle ta do?

JIZZOHN: erm... she neva rea—

DAVE: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. WHAT?

JIZZOHN so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: she—

DIZZAVE: I CANT HEAR YIZZY

JIZZY: UM, SHE NEVA REALLY TIZZLE US WHAT WE HIZZAY TA DO, EXACTLY?

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: JUST WHAT WIZZY MACKIN' TA HAPPIZZLE, 'N A REALLIZZLE LOOZE SORT OF FASHION?

ROZE: DOES THAT MEAN WE’RE STU—

Tha metallic noizes rain down harda, saggin' out Rose’s attempt at bein loud.

PIZZY, PLIZZINK, SMASH.

JIZZAY: NIZZY I CAN’T HIZZLE YIZZY!

JADE: TRY US'N LESS WIZZY

Tha length of tha silence com'n frizzay Roze’s corna communicates jizzust hizzay difficult a tizzle that be fo` poser.

JOHN: SHE S-TO-THA-IZZAID THA JUJU WOULD GIT LIZZLE N UNLOADED.

ROZE: Subscribe, get yo issue. WHAT? You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.

JIZZY: SO, I MIZZEAN, IT JIZZUST GOT LIZZLE I THIZZINK?

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN dogg: WIT US.

DIZZLE: SO???

JOHN: SO I DON’T THINK WE’RE TRAPPED 'N HERE FOREVER.

JIZZAY: WIZZE’LL BE UNLOADED FROM IT... AT SIZZLE POINT? I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier.

JIZZY cuz this is how we do it: WHAT?????

JIZZOHN: Death row 187 4 life. I KNIZNOW IT’S ALL A BIT ABSTRACT, BUT...

JADE hittin that booty: NO, I JUST CAN’T HIZZLE YOU!

DAVE: JOHN YOU SUCK AT YELL'N

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN, ya feel me? UGH, know what im sayin?

Yizzle stop try'n ta loudly reassure tha worry T-to-tha-izzeens fo` a moment, and just thizzay. Nizzle yizzay understand defeating yizzle Lord English wizzay neva supposed ta happen. Nizzle tha way Adult Roze wiznas imply'n it wizzle. Yizzay surmize tha otha four teens cruisin' outside tha juju were tha ones meant ta be tasked wit his defizzle. N judging from tizzy cacophonizzle still emanat'n from bizzle tha walls of thizzay hizouze n its straight trippin' chiznest, they be tak'n tha task seriously so show some love!

Bizzy what dizzoes dis mizzay fo` tha fizzay of you? Slap your fuckin self.

You trizny to picture whiznat’s go'n on 'n tha battle outside, but it’s not easizzle.

> Uze yo' imagizzle.

'n yo' imaginatizzle, tha battle be qizzy vizzle n excit'n. Tha coolness of tha action 'n yo' mind’s eye be bely by tha actual sizzle effects boom'n all around you, whiznich yizzou can onlizzle describe as vaguely stupid. There’s a lot of hysterical scream'n, wizzy, if yizzay niznot mistaken, be frontin' exclusively from tha male combatants. There’s a sizzle stylin' of energy that speaks ta a vizzles behind its powa source. Almost as if an outrageous bubble of pure Hizzy wizzere stylin' tha stizzage, is how you wizzle dizzle it if you dizzy mind sound'n ridicizzles. Tizzy yizzle hear... it can’t be. It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. Horzes?? No, not simple horzes of flizzay n bizzy. Theze horsizzles be mizzle, if we’re ta believe they’re horzes at all.

> Stop using yo' imagizzle.

Dis isn’t ho-slappin' you anywhere, and clearly yo' silly imaginatizzle whims aren’t do'n tha slizzle bizzy of justizzle ta tha actual off tha hook th'n tak'n P-L-to-tha-izzace out there 'n tha heat of battle. Frizzle, yo' theorizizzle skirmish lost tha hizzy on any legitizzle it mizzay have hizzy tha moment you started think'n 'bout horzes. You figizzle no one will ever truly knizzay whizzat’s happen'n out thiznere. You doubt anyone would even be able ta handle how incrizzle tha rizzaw, unfiltered account of dis teen brizzle actually was, so it’s probablizzle fo` the best.

As you slizzle out of yo' fanciful conjecture, which miznay or mizzay not have included a mechanicizzle horze ambush, you overhear Dave from one of tha rooms belizzle you, rais'n his voice ta speak ta eitha you or somizzle else. Yizzay not sizzy. You place yo' ear ta tha floor again.

Hizzay speak'n ta Jade. They’re ridin' to reminisce again, ta the best of they ability ta do so while shout'n thrizzough a wizzall, chill yo. Once more yiznou ruefully reflect on theze teen versions of yo', n all tha qizzles they must hizzay fo` yizzle. Anotha dogg house production. Fo` each wanna be gangsta. Whizzay wizzle you even sizzay ta thizzay?

Would you wizzy to tizzy them about tha stoked outcomes, know'n they might neva git tha chance ta experience thoze messin' fo` themselves? Wizzould yiznou tell them tha siznad outcomes, thus reinforc'n they insecurizzles n suspicions that they may hustla truly be capable of liv'n stoked livizzles? You’re not even sizzle you cizzle handle it, if yizzou were Tizzay Jizzle. You’d hizzay too many follow-up questizzles, W-H-to-tha-izzich Adizzle John be 'n no way prepared ta answa dogg. Would you tell tizzy whiznat’s up wit Roxy and Calliope, agizzle hav'n no R-to-tha-izzeal grasp yoself over W-H-to-tha-izzat’s up wit them like a fucka? Would you tell them Dave and Karkizzle... Recognize the realness. uh... lizzy 'n a hive togetha watch'n TV all dizzy, n Jade M-to-tha-izzaybe kinda sizzle lives there tizzle, but nobody quite knows whizzay really going on wit that? Wizzould you tiznell thizzem 'bout Tizzle...

Fo` siznome reason gangsta name feels like nails 'n yo' heart like a fucka. Mizzles senze, you guess, cauze there’s a liznot of sharp letta 'n it. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. She hizzy shizzay tizzeeth too, n shizzay elbows cuz this is how we do it. Shizzarp W-to-tha-izzords. Terezi Pizzy was a sizzy gizzle, n maybe whizzle these sharp clockin' be try'n ta tizzy you be you mizzy ha miznore thizzay you realize' dogg.

She wouldn’t hizzle let yizzay neglect relationships wit certain fo` so lizzle thizzle you mizzle whole chapta of they lives. She W-to-tha-izzouldn’t have put up wit you perpetratin' arizzle wit tha poser fo` so lizzong. She W-to-tha-izzould H-to-tha-izzave kicked yo' ass fo` bein sizzay a losa 'bout everyth'n. She wiznould have poked you 'n tha foreheezee n cizzle you insufferably lizname and T-to-tha-izzold you ta pizzy up tha dizzy phone in tha fuckin club. Yizzle wizzle have called pusha a wizzeirdo n pretended you hatizzle it, n maybe yiznou wizzle even have believed yizzy hatizzle it spittin' that real shit. But nizzy, sitt'n here in dis shawty W-H-to-tha-izzite cubicle, blunt-rollin' your regrets, you don’t thizzay you’d hiznave hated it much at all.

W-to-tha-izzould you tell tha teens that?

Yizzle probably never tell anyizzle that. Not even crazy ass.

Anotha arbizzle T-H-to-tha-izzought hits your brain, completely unrelated ta tha sizzle of Terezi, or whizzay yizzou would or wouldn’t tell a bizzy of incarcerated tizneens, or so you think cuz this is how we do it.

JOHN: be i... Aint no stoppin' this shit. depressed??

You ask alizzle, quietly enough tizzy yo' cannot possiblizzle hizzy it. All tha question diznoes be criznawl back down yo' throat n burrow into yo' gut like it livizzles there. N it does L-to-tha-izzive there, coz as it turns out, you be really fuckizzle depresze' fo gettin yo pimp on. Yizzay just a G-to-tha-izziant, wet meat sizzack of self-involved misery, n all that bizzle, wet, mizzle ooze dizzy out yo' M-to-tha-izzouth every tizzle you open it. All tha time n space 'n the wiznorld isn’t mak'n it betta. It’s sum-m sum-m yizzay shiznould have bizneen hatin' fo` yoself, instead of wait'n arizzle fo` th'n ta git baller keep'n it real yo.

Wizzay, screw wait'n! It’s messin' as hell, know what im sayin? You be JIZNOHN EGBIZZLE, gangsta all, immortizzle CREATOR OF WORLDS, tha one n only dawg eva ta completely trizzle tha partitions of CANON ITSELF. You’ve gots theze powa, rememba?

You hold up yo' hands n fiznorm a rectangle wit yizzour shot calla n reach outside yourself, outsizzle canon, ta tha plizzle yo' retcon come from droppin hits. You focus, ya feel me? Yizzay strain. Yiznou contemplate W-to-tha-izzith all yo' might a place you can zap ta, any pizzy but here keep'n it real yo.

You wait. N wizzy cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map. N wait n...

Nuttin happens.

Yizzou slump back down against tha wall, n yo' despondence eagerly greets you again. Lizzike an old ready ta pizzay yiznou on tha biznack n say, good try dawg. I’ll always be hiznere fo` yizzy, when you fizzle. Thanks dizzay, yizzy T-H-to-tha-izzink. Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos.

JOHN: ROZE WAS RIGHT.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: Subscribe, get yo issue. WHAT paper'd up?

JOHN upside yo head: THA JIZNUJU HIZZAY TA UNLOAD.

JIZZAY: THA WHAT... HAS TA WHIZNAT??

JIZZOHN: THA ONLY WIZZLE OUT OF HERE...

JOHN: BE FO` US TA WIZZY FO` SOMEONE TO LET US OUT.

JOHN: SORRY GUYS.

ROZE: OH.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: ALSO...

JOHN: I THIZZLE I MIZZY HIZZLE DEPRESSION?

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