#im thinking a lot of things and none of them are fit for the public

[ratatatastic]

"i like that but i dont want to hit it too hard... gotta protect barky at all costs" "i found one already, ill take this one too. im taking it to the locker room tomorrow to show barky" hmm

[moonbaetarot]

Pick a pile

what your future spouse loves about your appearance

1. 2. 3.

Pile 1

Your future spouse loves your features So much that they can’t wait to see your beautiful features on your children. your future spouse loves that you don’t care what others think of you like you wear what you want and you feel happy doing it. someone here may work with animals. they love how you look so beautiful with little to none makeup your just a natural you may like to use non toxic or like natural beauty hacks. This person loves your curly or wavy hair. You have something unique to you and they love this they have never laid eyes on someone like you. They also love your height. Your future spouse loves the details in your face your face is just beautiful to them. There is something about a flower here idk if you have a flower tattoo or a piece of jewelry that’s a flower but they think this really cute. This person thinks you just glow you may look very pretty in nature or in the sunlight. You may dress modest or not show a lot of skin out in public and they like this. They also love the way you look in white. If you wear any type of jewelry or clothing relating to your religion or culture they think this is really beautiful as well.

Thank you for reading loves! 🤍

Pile 2

Your future spouse loves how cute and innocent you look they may take pictures of you and you hold up a thumps up or a peace sign and they think this is cute. They like your small facial features and your side profile is on point. They love your hair the way you style it or just even when you’re wearing it natural. someone here may have many ear piercings Or a belly piercing. This person really loves your “chest” if you’re a woman I’m hearing “perfect for my hands” They are making it known in this reading that they love your “chest” lol. This person really thinks your whole body is beautiful. This person thinks you look very nurturing and mothering. They love your soft features. They think you smell really good as well your sent may be very floral. Someone here may love cherry blossoms. You may wear your hair half up half down. I feel like this person thinks you’re just so perfect like they look at you and just think how did they get this way like they are so beautiful. They are very in wow when they look at you. This person is really going to love the way you look as a mom they are going to find you so attractive just doing mother things.

Thank you for reading loves! 🤍

Pile 3

They love your face when you smile or laugh you may even blush or get red but they think this is cute. I feel like they find your laugh very cute as well. This person likes the way you look in bright colors especially yellow or orange they think it fits your personality very well. This person sees you as happy and bright I feel like when you are happy so are they. You may be a lot smaller then your future spouse if your insecure about being short or skinner don’t be your future spouse thinks your beautiful like that. They love your tattoos if you have any. Im seeing a tattoo or birth mark on your back. You may look really innocent but your not like your an “angle in the street freak in the sheet” this person likes that they are the only ones that gets to see this side of you. You may love reading as well but the books you read aren’t about unicorns and rainbows lol. I feel like your face and eyes are very telling as well like they can tell what you’re thinking just by your face. this person finds you very juicy you just looks so good to them they just wanna take a bite out of you lol. You may dye your hair a lot like one day your hair is brown the next your blonde.

Thank you for reading loves! 🤍

[v3nusxsky]

Hi! I have an idea for a fic about Larissa/psychic reader(she's a teacher) ! I hope you'll like it!☺

R has visions, they're not all meant to happen and she knows that, the thing is, she doesn't know how to control it and when she touch people or people touch her, she doesn't only have visions, she share them too and she doesn't know how to stop that from happenning. So she wears gloves so there's no skin contact with people. These days, she seems to have very explicit visions about a specific person, her boss (of all people). And even if she's very aware that her visions aren't always true, she can't stop thinking about it. Somehow one day, she took off her gloves for whatever reason she had and forgot to put them back on and her hand brushed Larissa's and they both fell in a very specific vision (you could describe the vision if you want😁). Larissa's cheeks were flushed, she's was chocked by what she just saw and she asked R to explain what happenned.....and they end up having sex, you can be creative and add every kinks you want! Please?☺

I hope you wanna write it!

-shy anon🦋

What’s foretold 18+

*Authors note~ oooo I love this idea for reader to be psychic so im so excited to write this. I’m sorry for only one fic tonight my faints have been playing me up*

Trigger warnings~ Dom l Sub L mommy kink oral strap on thigh riding praise degrading humiliation breeding kink semi public sex sharing submissive r (mentioned) corruption kink

Prompt~see ask^^^^

❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁

You always made sure to adorn your gloves, they were made of the softest silk and you had s variety of colours to fit with your outfits, but the burgundy pair are your favourites. Psychics weren't a rare kind of outcasts but the type of psychic you are was most definitely rather unheard of. Because of the gloves, most people assumed you had elemental powers or something similar. The truth was touch, giving or receiving, would result in violently graphic visions. Not only that but whoever touched you was also subjected to what you saw. Visions aren't said to be reliable all the time, sometimes you saw the most horrific things and sometimes you saw some amazing things. There was no middle ground here for you.

Having your ability basically control your life was hard. You couldn't touch anyone really without showing them what you saw and that you couldn't control what you saw was upsetting. For those reasons you were rather isolated and extremely uncomfortable around others, always making sure no skin was showing to prevent the sharing.

Recently, you were being plagued with rather explicit visions of your boss. Highly inappropriate, you knew that but were absolutely powerless to stop them. They'd been happening for the past two weeks, lots of different visions but none the less hotter than the previous one. Recently, the vision you had was repeating over and over again was causing some issues for you. Being around the woman in question became too difficult for you, you would end up blushing and unable to keep eye contact with her even going as far as to stumble over your words.

Because of that reason you spent a lot of time in your classroom, alone and safe to let your skin breathe a little. You had some earphones in doing some marking which is how you missed her arrival. The beats distracting you from the world around you until you felt it. Your body violently thrown backward into a vision. Scanning the room to find the human who touched you, you were mortified to realise it was the headmistress. Her eyes transfixed onto the sight in front of you.

Larissa Weems hated meetings with the board, they were old and stuffy and often had outdated views. This meeting was rather interesting because before it started you and the headmistress had engaged in a extremely hot make out session where you began to rut against her toned thigh, until they knocked. Slight panic filled the blonde before she urged you under the desk and began the meeting. For the first few minutes you sat in shock, but hearing how stressed the older woman was, you felt compelled to help her out. And that's how she found herself trying to focus on those stuffy people while you licked, kissed and sucked over her long luscious legs and her clothed core. A subtle roll of the older woman's hips spurred you on to slide her underwear to the side and lick at her soaked folds.

You were forced out of the vision, jumping away as if the contact had burnt your skin and hurriedly shove your gloves on your hands. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" you whimpered over and over sounding like an afraid child. Larissa just seemed to be dazed, processing what she'd accidentally seen. You were spiralling, words flying from your mouth before you even had the chance to process what you were saying.

Larissa noticed how you were afraid of her reaction so she decided to take the risk, approaching you and slamming your lips together in a kiss. The kiss seemed to restart your failing brain as you pulled away gasping for air, "o god you kissed me? Did you want to oh-" you were shut up with another kiss. "Shush love, I don't mind what I saw, in fact it was nice to see it rather than just imagine it" she mumbled against your lips. "I uh um" you stuttered trying to process the woman's words but settled for another passionate kiss.

You relocated eagerly to Larissa's office as she wanted to discuss what she saw with you. But as things do, one thing led to the other and you now found yourself lip locked with your boss on her sofa. You straddling her thigh as she guided your hips into slow and steady movements of rutting against her. Your sex pulsing with the pleasure the movements caused. "Ris? " you panted resting your forehead to hers, "I uh im I never uh" you mumbled blushing embarrassed, almost as if you handing been dragging your clothed drenched cunt over her smooth milky white thighs.

"Oh pretty girl, mommys gonna take such good care of you, the visions showed you hmm?" She teased stroking your thigh and you couldn't help but flush bright red, remembering one vision that had Larissa  and a fiery redhead sharing you around as if you were nothing but a common whore, a mindless fuck toy for them to absolutely use and abuse all your holes. They worked in tandem until you were fucked dumb. "Mhm they did please" you whimpered, "want you to take me" was all the blonde needed to hear, for her to scoop you into her arms and your legs wrapped around her waist.

Truly you don't remember how or when but as soon as your back hit the bed, it was nothing but skin hitting the crisp sheets. Larissa stripped herself down to her underwear in a hope to make you feel less insecure, which completely worked because you were absolutely transfixed by the goddess in front of you. Larissa adored taking her time, exploring every inch of the virgin skin, what made you whine and whimper and what made you gasp. How if she sucked on your rosey pert bud your mouth would fall open ever so slightly and your hips buck upwards for her.

But truly something that she couldn't get enough of us your gasp as her tongue found your untouched folds. "Oh oh mommy" you whimpered enjoying the new yet strange but pleasant feeling of her tongue working on your slick folds. Because it was your first time, Larissa was extra careful but she can't deny when you came with an unexpected cry for her she couldn't help the need that doubled within her. "Oh fuck god was that" you tried and the blonde chucked. "You had an orgasm love." "More?" You mumbled with a satisfied yet lustful needy gaze. "Mommy can get her strap love? But it might hurt a little." You considered it for a thorough three seconds before pleading with her for that.

You couldn't take your eyes off the tall woman as she strapped the faux dick to her hips. "Mommy? Can't you just?" You trailed off not wanting to upset the shape shifter but curiosity was definitely killing you. "Oh sweetheart, I can and I will one day but I'm much bigger and thicker than my friend here", the smirk on her gorgeous lips said it all really. "Oh fuck me" you groaned and let your head meet the pillows. "Don't have to tell me twice" was the witty response you got before she approached your tired body once more.

You'd heard the horror stories of the first time, and truly it did hurt a tiny bit but if you could stick it out the pain would soon morph into something more enjoyable for you. Larissa made sure to comfort you as she slipped into your velvety walls. "Oh sweetheart I know, I know it hurts love, your doing so so well for me. Taking me so good. Almost all in love" she murmured pressing kisses to your neck or cheeks.

"Mommy" you whined, feeling her slip a hand to your aching clit, "please please" you whimpered. "Okay love, okay. We got to take things slowly otherwise you'll hurt sweetheart." The first few thrusts of her hips were slightly strange but you soon felt the pleasure become completely overwhelming for you. "Mommy! More more please" you mewled happily, causing the woman to pick her pace up and latching herself onto your pulse point. The feeling of your heart beating between her lips was truly something else. The moment her teeth scraped your pulse point you couldn't help but begin to beg and plead with her to make you cum for her.

Larissa moved your leg over her shoulder allowing her a deeper angle which was what threw you off the cliff into pools of blissful pleasure. "Mommy fuck no more please no more" you mumbled as you came back down from your high. "Okay sweetheart, kiss me?" The request has you doing a double take but happily obliging. Larissa used that opportunity to nibble on your lip, which caused you to moan happily and allowed her to slip from your drenched centre and distract you from any possible soreness there.

You were out of it, your first time being so magical and wonderful and truly but the visions you'd had to absolute shame. Larissa Weems is certainly one of a kind. You could tell that by how carful she was by cleaning the mess off your thighs. Even daring to get a cheeky extra taste before coming to hold you. "Are you okay sweetheart?" At first the mumbled reply was hard to hear so you repeated yourself, "mm so good better than visions so better" which caused the blonde to laugh and hold you close. "Okay sweetheart, you're exhausted. Get some rest."

Word count~ 1852

[woaaahh-itz-caam]

PLEASE YAP ABOUT ERRORMARE IM GONNA MELT

Yes anon of course anon anything for u anon HEHEHEHDHDHDHD

THE SONG “Once more to see you” BY MITSKI IS LITERALLY THEIR SONG AND LET ME TELL YOU EXACTLY WHY BECAUSE I’VE BEEN HOLDING THIS IN FOR SUCH A LONG TIME Y’ALL HAVE NO FUCKING IDEAAAAAA

I’D RECOMMEND Y’ALL TO LISTE TO THE SONG FIRST SO U’LL UNDERSTAND THIS RANT PROPERLY 

Okay okay first of all guys cmon its mitski, just because of the fact it’s MITSKI then you already know it’s gonna fit them cuz like??? Bro?? (I love mitski if you couldn’t tell she’s my fav artist lmao) The whole TONE and FEEL of the song already fits them BUT THE LYRICS. MY GOD THE LYRICS. 

Y’ALL. PLEASE????? YOU SEE THE VISION RIGHT???? With the hcs i have for both nm and error, none of them would be particularly eager to make their relationship public!! Not due to like fear of being rejected or whatever the hell you might think— its because they would both probably be VERY afraid of showing any sort of vulnerability to ANYONE so PUBLICLY ACKNOWLEDGING YOU HAVE A PARTNER IS LIKE HAVING A DEATH WISH FOR THEM BASICALLY!! Cuz like they think that showing actual emotion is weak and dumb and they’re big bad guys that r very scary soooooooo. U GET THE VISION RIGHT. PLEASE IM NOT INSANE.

And this!! It’s not particularly as deep as the other ones but it still reminds me of them quiet a lot since they do feel like the type of guys to just be content with being in close proximity from each other. Their favorite thing to do would definitely just sit next to each other and just be <33

NOW THIS. THIS IS THE PART THAT MAKES ME GO INSANE CHAT. THE THE THE THE!!! THE!!!!!!!!!! THE RAW YEARNING IN THIS WORDS I CANT EVEN DESCRIBE IT!!! IT FEELS SO TRAGIC YET BEAUTIFUL AT THE SAME TIME!! IT FEELS LIKE HOW YOU WOULD FEEL LOOKING AT YOUR CRUSH FROM ACROSS THE ROOM KNOWING THEY DONT FEEL THE SAME, IT FEELS LIKE WALKING PAST SOMEONE WHO USED TO BE YOUR EVERYTHING BUT NOW’S A STRANGER, IT FEELS LIKE BLORBOS. SOBBING AND SCREAMING AND CRYINGGGGGGG ITS SO INCREDIBLY THEM.

THIS SONG WILL ALWAYS AND FOREVER BE ABOUT THEM FOR ME IM SORRY Y’ALL

I would actually love to do a animatic of them with this song someday!! I’m just kinda scared because whenever i try to start to do these kinds of things i always end up dumping halfway n stuff so sighhhhh

But yea that’s the blorbo song yiipppeee!! I got more songs that also remind me of them and make me just as crazy like this but this specific one will forever be my favorite blorbo song heheheh (also hey anon sorry if this wasn’t the ramble u were hoping to see i kinda got distracted with our lord and savior mitski)

[glass--beach]

the troglodyte post is getting me bad cause it's so accurate to my life rn. At least my hopeful projection of my life as I'm in my troglodyte era. I started our uber competent cause of immature parents, working at like 15 and shit, and now im 21 and have been taken care of by my bf for 2 yeara lol. basically inernt creatively and professionally. how did you pull urself up and get to pre-god complex era that'd help a fellow biploar? thank you Ms. Glass Beach

i don’t know your life or anything but to me that sounds like you had to grow up fast & burned yourself out which is a super common & understandable experience… not saying it isn’t bipolar because a lot of what we call mental illness is the brain adapting to a life situation in a way that becomes a problem once the initial situation has changed. gonna be honest for me i’m like cycling every two weeks to a couple months or so, i have no control of it, and both extremes are pretty fucking awful. being at the top believe it or not is the absolute worst bc i feel possessed, i have no filter and can get very delusional so i’m constantly doubting everything i think and say. having the platform i do has led to some public embarrassment over that. i ride the waves, i don’t control them. i’ve been in a very low place for the past month and whatever the hell’s been going on with me was definitely in some way a ripple effect.

btw now that i’m exploring plurality a bit i am trying on the possibility of my manic episodes being a separate personality, that’s how it’s always felt anyway. i certainly operate in fundamentally different ways that contradict my usual convictions. the dr who diagnosed me barely got to know me & at the time i was eager to cherrypick facts to fit into that diagnosis but i’ve known there’s things that don’t quite line up. none of it is super hardcoded anyway diagnoses are just methods of understanding i think.

again i don’t know your life but it sounds like to me the best thing you could be doing is taking care of yourself. your 20s are in my opinion in large part about unpacking your childhood experience and seeing what coping strategies you don’t need anymore & giving yourself space to breathe. nobody has a perfect childhood & we tend to just tank through all the bad shit for the sake of survival to the point where it becomes repressed and doesn’t seem that bad until it just hits you out of nowhere as an adult. don’t worry about trying to achieve a whole lot creatively just do whatever bits you can here and there to keep yourself sane. you’ve got a lot of life ahead of you! <3

[sungbeam]

beam! not sure if you’ve done this but can you ship your moots??? with any of the groups you stan and why!

omg i think i once did something,, kind of similar?? but let's give it a go !!

@justalildumpling — okay i would give her sunwoo 💀 but i think she needs a jaemin in her life to balance out the delulu skcnekfbkdnfk they would be such an attractive couple tho im YELLING like,,, bro. i would actually fund the wedding ring. and he kinda feels like the my melody to her kuromi low-key 😭 like he would just love squishing her cheeks and kissing her

@jaehunnyy — ofc none other than jung wooyoung 😋 i mean,, who else yk 💁🏻‍♀️ they're both so silly and wholesome, and just their vibes match? both very cheery, sunny people, what can i say ✨ THE TYPE WHO ENDS UP W TWO KIDS, A GOLDEN RETRIEVER, AND A PRETTY HOUSE—

@mosviqu — the cali boy himself, eric sohn. as she says all the time, she is the bi black cat girl to his golden retriever, he is the skater boy of her dreams, just.... the vibes are so real, my friends, they should be spending midnights together holding hands and kissing under streetlights !! california boy, when r u gonna wine and dine her fr

@winterchimez — lee sangyeon, there is no doubt and no other answer?? my Mom and Dad™, if they get a divorce then i would be collateral damage. but i actually envisioned ally as sangyeon's type 😭😭 like that's not even a joke. the idea i had for his yn in liu is LITERALLY ALLY IRL. IM NOT EVEN KIDDING THAT SHITS CRAZY

@ethereal-engene — ash needs to be w woozi bc yk that thing where couples kind of look alike 💀 NO BUT this is good bc the first time i saw ash, i said she looked exactly like uji they both are so SKFNEKFJ anyways,, i feel like they'd be able to encourage and appreciate each other a lot :') idk ash and jihoon r both some of my comfort people, and i think that pair would work so well

@zzoguri — jacobie bae hehe !!! who else tbh like they both are such comfort-driven people. mon is such a hard worker and juggling so much at once all the time, and i just know that he would be the bestest boyfriend in the world, and would give them all the encouragement AND support to chase their ambitions yk. and the fact that mon appreciates music :')) and they would just bond over his pj karaoke

@loveliestfelix — our smexy daniel choi yeonjun !! okay i feel like every time i talk abt these two, i always say they would be the HOTTEST COUPLE EVER, and i am not kidding. this is the most serious i have ever been. she would so fit as his secret gf who the public can't even be mad at cuz she's so funny, gorgeous, and mad talented like—

@goldenhypen — jake sim 😌✨ okay ik this is like cheating, but but but think abt it 😭 jake is totally the type to just be sooo obsessed w his girl and just wanna shower her w affection, and i think it's only fair cuz em loves him sm too :')) like omg i could see them as the couple u see who loves holding hands and just,,, even just smiling at each other (´Д⊂ヽ

@hqrana — i think noa needs to be w hoshi 😭😭 like the vibes of both of them are sooo chaotic, but in the best way possible. like i can't even explain it—maybe it's the wolverine edit of him she made once—but she seems like he would put up w his crazy bs and still love him; like the cool gf w the loser bf 💀 sorry i really just clowned him HAHA

@tranquilpetrichor — choi san low-key 👀 like eris gives black cat girl vibes TT and ik that san also gives me black cat boy too, but i think it would work so well. like they're both SOOO cool, like the chillest people ever, but also so well-intentioned. and they would be the type of couple who have a softer, quieter kind of love, but still something i would throw myself over a cliff for

[flfverse]

Hi! just checking in to say that , exactly like the other anon, im so invested in this fic since i first read it last august! im so glad to see you’re still going forward with this project!

making hawks trans was probably the cherry on the cake i was so happy 😭 for sure id love to read more on that in the rest of the story.

also, I too would love to know more about how people in the public (fans, online, the commission) perceive him, but what I think would really fit with the moment we’re at (and what im craving to see) is more awareness from the people around him.

Like, I’d love to see the league find out more about the cruelty he went thru and being properly disgusted, same as for the heroes (im looking at Aizawa but not exclusively).

I need someone external to look at Hawks and realize the things he’s gone thru and how astonishing it is that he’s survived them (and to realize he’s still being hurt) and be angry, and for him to try and justify it (because he cant properly admit to it— he must’ve been hurt for a reason, right?) but then breaking down about it with them.

I think you’ve mentioned the third part will involve dealing with the commission and people finding out? I could remember wrong! But still, I cant wait for the public to know what he had to endure, and I’d love to already get glimpses of that.

Thank u for this amazing story! Absolutely no rush, I just wanted to express my appreciation for this work! <3

thank you!!! trans hawks is definitely going to come up more—in 15 & 16 it’s still only hinted at, but in 17 i have a whole plan for him to come out to dabi, don’t worry :3 it’ll be fun and not painful at all

as far as others noticing more about hawks…15 has a lot of that subtextually, i think, because it usually happens in hawks’s pov and he’s a little oblivious. love him for that. but y’know, like i said to the last ask, i’ve been needing things to fill out 16 more and i think a little confrontation with aizawa would fit pretty well there……hmm

hawks is definitely due for a breakdown at some point in the future. i mean, he has to tell himself that it’s not really hurting him, that it’s not that bad, or if it is that bad then it is at least in service of something great, which makes it worth it. if none of it is worth it (if being a good hero is no longer enough for him)….well.

the third part….is…well, it’s impossible to talk about the third part without spoiling the end of the second, really. i’ll say that the first two parts are about hawks and dabi struggling to be together but ultimately not trying to upend the status quo, at least until the war blows over. fairly standard long-form dabihawks fare, i think. then i’m gonna throw several grenades at them and dealing with that will be part 3. part 4 will be recovery and rebuilding from that. but yes, one of the things that starts to come apart in part 3 will the be Commission, their reputation, etc…and maybe even hero society as a whole. we’ll see.

so it’s mostly that dabi and the league are going to find out a lot about hawks’s past in part 2, because they’re close to him, but it won’t become apparent to most other people until later on

[drysauce]

On my knees begging,, can I ask about your genshinsona and about any oc you are willing to share 👀🥺????? I'm very interested ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*)♡

you probably didn't expect to get a reply so soon but i'm afraid i don't have much to say about these</3

the idea for a genshinsona came to me yesterday when i was constructing a reply to your oc ask, more precisely to the part about vivi, so it's all very very fresh, there's a lot of ideas but barely anything firmly decided. but i can tell you what i have so far

does it have to be either a guy or a girl or can it be someone in between? well, regardless of that, they or he or whatever would be either snezhnayan or snezhnayan living in mondstadt since always. they would have a cryo vision, definitely red horns and a small braid hanging from one side of moderately short hair. oh and also freckles and red eyeliner because i always wanted to wear red eyeliner nshxhx. color pallete would be dark red/orange/light blue/black/white i think

and i have nothing more, i might eventually gather all the thoughts and construct a person but probably no sooner than after exams, though i can't promise that either and that's why im not keeping this ask in the inbox forever but answering it now with what i have so far

with ocs it's a bit more complicated

there used to be almost 40 ocs. now there's about 15? with the earliest ones i came up when i was 12 and they either went through a massive development or i decided to abandon them for good lol

generally none of them are well thought and constructed like yours and neither are they fandom related - all are original characters tied to, well, nothing. it was mostly that i was watching a show or listening to music or something and constructed a person in my brain that would fit a scenario, and then sticked to them

however, i unfortunately can't tell you about any of them or at least not in a public ask format because 1. the thought that all 200 of my followers could possibly read it makes me cringe so bad, 2. none of them are as well constructed as yours, they're more like a bunch of random ideas, in some instances with multiple version of backstories etc and what comes with that is that i did barely any research on the things i put in their stories and i think i should do that and 3. some of my ocs have parts of the events that happened to me personally tied to their stories and let's just say i'd prefer not to talk about it too much in a public ask. i don't want to answer it privately without an earlier notice because private answers don't have an option to leave comments under them and i don't want to lock that option for you

so. if you'd like to know about some of the ocs then i guess either dms/discord etc or another ask that i will intentionally answer privately, it's not that i dont want to tell you about them, it's that i dont want it to be fully public - ive never talked about my ocs, they've always just been in my head and i guess i got used to it being this way

the genshinsona thingies however i can totally answer in an ask but. first i'll need to have something to talk about jdhdhs so either ask again in a while or i'll just update you on it when i think of something :3

[sam-is-my-safe-word]

So here’s the thing with exercise. Anything is better than nothing is a great thought. Lovely idea. In Theory.

I exist in pjs. Unless I have A Place To Be, I am in pjs. Ratty pjs, fancy pjs, gender affirming pjs. All the pjs. I don’t wear any kind of bra (unless I’m feeling extra dysphoric and need to try & flatten everything down)

Now, I have tried various forms of in home exercise. DVDs (dating myself there lol), YouTube vids, 30 day exercise plans, elliptical machine (in the shed), treadmill (under the couch), yoga stretches, Wii fit, ring fit (Nintendo stop stealing my money). All with the theory that I don’t have to get dressed to exercise.

But I do y’all. I got thick thighs & a chest. My pjs be comfy, but they are not supportive or protective in the ways I need if I’m gonna be jumping around.

Which leads me back to my original point. Going for a walk. The easiest form of exercise there is. But it’s not just ‘going for a walk’

I have to get dressed. I have to put on people clothes. I have to put on some kind of bra. And shoes. As someone with chronic depression, that’s a LOT of steps before I’ve even started to do the Task.

Then there is timing. I work 8 hours a day. Do I go before work & have to get up early? Do I go after work when I’m already exhausted? Do I use my lunch & eat at my desk (I work from home)? In the winter it’s dark when I start work & dark when I finish, I have my safety to consider then.

And then afterwards, im hot, im sweaty, im yucky. I need to shower. (Yes even with just a gentle walk. Ya mortal is… rotund 😉). And if you know me, you know how much of a fuckin’ ordeal showers are. Maybe I’ll make a post soon about how human skin is badly designed & we should all have lizard skin.

So just a lil walk, with the idea that ‘something is better than nothing’ has turned into a multistage process & I’m tired just thinking about it tbh.

I am fully aware of the mental & physically benefits that doing a lil steppy step bring me. Those times when I have managed to get into a routine of going for a lil walk, I’ve felt much better.

But the energy to sustain the momentum is often more than I have. So I slack off, because I’m just so damn tired. And then eventually I just stop completely. And then boom, I’m back to square one telling myself that this time, I’ll make it stick.

And another thing.

That no one ever seems to talk about. Exercise is free right? Wrong.

Walking is free (money wise I mean, we just discussed all the ways it win not free) but what if you don’t live in a place that is conducive to walking? Maybe it’s unsafe? Maybe like me, you live in the basin of a lot of hills & every direction is up-fucking-hill, my god, who designed this place, Satan?

So even if I can drag my brain, kicking & screaming into the outside & force my body to move. I’m limited in where I can even go, because those hills will leave me with a broken body for days as it tries to heal from being pushed too far.

In the comments/reblogs of this post I saw one that said ‘if you hate exercise, you just haven’t found the right type of exercise’

And I’m sure that’s true. I’m sure there are plenty of ways to make my body move that I would love. Exactly none of them are accessible to me.

- I don’t drive. So I’m limited by what is in walking distance (nothing) or what is within public transport distance

- tied into that, I’m broke. I have a family to support and I’m breadwinner. Swimming/rock climbing/tennis/martial arts/whatever fucking else people do. It all costs money. Money to sign up for classes or sessions, money for equipment, money to get there (by bus or just putting gas in your car). It all. Fucking. Costs. And I don’t have that extra cash. My kids need shit.

- time, as discussed. I work 8 hours a day (and I’m quite fond of seeing my family when I’m off the clock) so where am I fitting in this ‘right’ exercise?

I’m my own worst critic and my friends know I’m an absolute swine for comparing myself to JarPad & being like ‘he has mental health issues & he can do all these things, why do I suck so fuckin’ hard’

And when my brain is bad, it can beat me with that line for data & days & days. But when it’s good I can acknowledge that he has access to so many more resources than I do. First and foremost, that he is financially secure. Everything else can build from that foundation.

I don’t have that foundation. Like millions & millions of millennials & other generations, I’m a couple of missed pay cheques away from the streets. I live in a country that has a good social welfare system & I wouldn’t be on the streets. But I would dip from just treading water above the poverty line to sinking under it.

And that’s what I don’t think gets talked about enough. I love the idea that we’re supporting each other into doing a little bit, cos it’s better than nothing. Let’s keep doing that.

But I cannot be the only person that sees not just the link between poverty and & weight gain, but the barrier between poverty and weight loss/fitness (not everyone exercises to lose weight.)

So after writing all this out, I feel like I vomited up a bunch of excuses for why I’m a fat fuck & my brain has gotten the ‘if you just fucking put some effort in, you could be in shape like JarPad (yes, he is my trans body goals. I’ll have to grow about 8 inches of course, but still. Totally achievable lol)’ beating stick out.

But I cannot be the only person on this website that feels trapped by lack of accessibility to these things? We’re not lazy or unmotivated, or looking for excuses. The ability to exercise and keep fit is not as accessible as it appears.

Now. I gotta go & talk my brain down. Brush your teeth. Even 30 seconds is better than nothing at all. Love y’all

It's a lot healthier to go for a daily walk than to sign up for a gym membership you won't be using because you hate that kind of exercise. It's a lot healthier to eat a frozen meal than to skip a meal because you were too tired to cook something healthy. It's a lot healthier to take a quick shower than to procrastinate an elaborate routine for days. Don't aim so high that you won't be hitting anything!

[daddyd0nt]

I’m learning at 31 years old that I don’t have an accurate relationship with memory or reality on a cognitive level. My reality is unstable so my story is inconsistent and becomes even more inconsistent when I’m TRYING to tell what I perceive in that moment to be the truth instead of keeping track of what I’ve already said and where it would fit or contradict and what was my perception of the truth was when I started talking. People think I’m dishonest because I’m so honest that I can’t keep track of a shifting reality to give a consistent story. I scramble stories with other stories and plug the wrong people into memories. I experiance delusions that i can usually only detect if something about the delusion can be proven materially physically impossible, I confuse dreams with reality, Im medicated to the point where i experience the world in 3 second intervals like a fucking goldfish and on top of that im autistically gullible and will believe what somebody tells me unless im confident that i know something that contradicts what they are saying. Frustrating af. Im not shady. Im not sneaky. Im not a liar. If anything I became a writer to say things honestly that I couldn't say as myself. When im wrong about something or something doesnt mesh, POINT IT OUT TO ME outside input from people i trust who are not gaslighting or manipulating me helps me to fact check whatever the closest thing to objective reality is. It isn't a moral choice its cognitive. its symptoms of something very very wrong with the my brain, which is an organ.

Ive had it blamed on everything from extreme preverbal trauma to behaviorally-mirrored reactive attachment disorder to CPTSD to bipolar psychosis to schizo spectrum to possible early signs of hunting's to Autism to HPD/Cluster B to DID/OSDD to early onset Alzheimer's or dementia to pure O OCD to long-term medication side effects and at this point IDGAF what the name for it is ive been labeled literally every name in the DSM none of it means fuck all unless they know how to fix it or at least relieve the pain.

Yall like to be tolerant about mental illness when we are the MPDG and artist and savant and the big tiddy goth BPD girlfriend until something gets unflattering or severe or scary and you're forced to address the unfortunate fact that for some of us it isnt a variety or different flavor or different processing system some of us are CHRONICALLY AND POTENTIALLY TERMINALLY VERY FUCKING SICK

Vote like you know somebody who is too severely mentally ill to participate in most aspects of society, because you do. Vote like you know somebody whose symptoms pose a threat of becoming an immediate public danger if left untreated because you do. Vote like you know somebody who is potentially a federal or state budget cut away from becoming a disenfranchised street person and therefor a problem for a lot more people than just myself because you do Vote like you know somebody who spends a significant portion of their lives in high security state psych wards and needs them to provide a comfortable and dignified quality of life or will be discouraged from seeking much needed help in a crisis and once again potentially becoming your personal problem or the problem of somebody you love if state psych wards continue to offer a standard of living that is a literal punishment because you do

Like we're not just going to quietly die if aid gets cut it's just going to be the immediate severe problem of whoever is unfortunate enough to cross our path in the midst of a severe untreated episode instead of a minor inconvenience for the community as a whole. Investing in my comfort, dignity, and access to treatment is literally an investment in YOUR safety as a member of the public, more of an investment than any police bonuses or robotic stop and frisk dogs. You can do it for the completely selfish reason of self preservation. You can literally not give a fuck about me, im not asking you to give a fuck if i live or rot, im asking to care about YOURSELF as the member of the public, the price you pay to keep me from becoming an immediate dangerous problem to my community is not even a fraction of the amount I could cost in damage and even more importantly the potential for it to impact you personally. Investing in social services isnt about charity or feeling good or doing good deeds, its insurance you pay because it is cheaper of the alternative cost of letting people like me loose to our own devices with no standard of life to lose. Defunding public services is the equivalent of taking everything valuable to you and abandoning it unlocked with the windows down in the most crime-ridden neighborhood you know of. The oligarchy wants you to want to defund these programs not only because if they focus you on the dollar ur giving to people like me you wont notice the millions in corporate subsidies and outrageous upper management costs and the prioritization of shareholders and the worker exploitation thats ACTUALLY making you broke but because they sleep in gated communities with security staff and laser-sensitive home alarm systems. They know that chances are somebody like me isnt going to get somebody like them if my symptoms are allowed to escalate untreated, its going to be a common person like you or your loved ones who experiences the consequences of inadequate mental healthcare.

Nothing needs to be unselfish. Im telling you right now what to consider if you want to make the most selfish, self-preserving choice possible.

[abetteranglican]

traits

very intense when younger, came off as rude, commonly 'pretentious' but I never understood why.

not understanding social norms, literally no clue why mismatched socks stand out to anyone, not caring about appearance/clothes- only starting to really now at 18ish. not understanding feelings of embarrassment- 'I dont get embarrassed'. brazen, struggled to see things not in black and white. shouty in class (trouble controlling volume) about social justice things/the environment, was known as annoying for this. knew myself as annoying, so just leant into it. not girly at all in puberty. not understanding girly things, drama. not understanding why people cared about fitting in. dont care about acting silly in public. not understanding personal space, being too touchy and making people uncomfortable but not understanding why. having a small number, normally one, of intense friendships, or none. anxiety about not having close friends within a group. oversharing. a teachers pet as a child, would point out people breaking rules. very active imagination. struggled to distinguish romantic and platonic feelings about friends. very loyal and brave in social situations. I have to think quite hard and over a long period of time, my whole life, to figure out social interactions, what makes people uncomfortable. now im hypersensitive to it but I still slip back unknowingly. being physically playful in an immature way still now, especially with boys/stevie. I find it easier to be in a group of boys than girls, not sure about one on one interactions (even easier). essentially all my close friends have been diagnosed as autistic or having adhd. become very good at tailoring my behaviour to a specific person, think a lot about how im presenting myself, our dynamic, what would help them. seeing my friendships with people as caring for a sort of creature that I want/need to learn about/study to help them, intense need to be a hero, very good person, selfless. naive and easily fooled, gullible. was often in friendship groups where I was the clown, sort of unknowingly. sensory overload at dinner starting around puberty. hearing that static/screaming noise. poor hygiene around puberty, took longer to adapt than others. very mature for age in some ways, very immature in others. I think I've forgotten about all this puberty time stuff because im quite intelligent in a certain way, and I've been able to adapt myself, its just taken a while. I didnt remember being different before, because it was never distressing, and compared to my autistic friends I was very 'easy'. trying to act like the doctor. definitely had/have special interests now I think about knowledge, they were just quite normal ones - housepets, big cats, books, dr who, warrior cats, arctic monkeys (accent), people, sewing, art. synesthesia, *looking* at things - sleeping beauty, dancing, movement, the countryside, peoples faces. really studying peoples faces, expressions, ways of speaking and presenting, trying desperately to burn these into my memory. very intense about needing to please adults, didnt care much what people my age think. superiority complex about art, physics, gets quite boastful and then considers all I've said/thought after in depth, critiquing how I deal with talking to people as I do it.

[thecherrytarot]

So I observed a thing, Nicole who is bts's translator has an Instagram account and follows only Jennie and Rosé out of all blackpink members, a lot of other staff members too follow only these two. Halsey follows Nicole's account as well so we know it's legit. The recent rumors of Jennie and Taehyung and these thing could co-relate? do you think so? I talked about rosé because her and Jungkook are quite often shipped too.

I also understand that she could be a fan of those two girls but such things can be easily known by the public and people can interpret it in different contexts.

I'd be happy if either of this was true. As fan we tend to ship celebs together and I think it's fine until we don't hurt them emotionally or physically.

Is a reading possible on these two pair? If not I'd like to hear your stance.

well idk if you read the rules but i don't do such type of readings but its okay dw I'll give you opinion on this

tarot can never give you accurate answers about this and those who claim to know accurate "tea" about idols are big fst liars. I have been a tarot reader for two years and i know exactly how these readers are 🤡

Imo don't pay much attention to these readers or these types of readings cause majority of them have different answers, some of them are lying about being 'spiritually connected' with not only bts but their fs too 💀 they mostly lie about them to fit in the fantasy of their audience to avoid getting hate or something like cause believe it or not if the answer is not what they wanted to hear or talks about a negative trait about an idol they get hate and get called toxic for spreading misinformation and all that bs cherry pickers

this is one reason why i avoid doing such readings but the main one being that its none of my business to know and im not gonna use my tarot skills to know something personal about someone that is not requested 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

anyways im sorry i know this is DEFINATELY not the answer you were looking for💀⚰️. you just came to the wrong person bestie im sorry - hope you have good day tho

[vex-bittys]

Hello! Id like a match up please. Im pretty set on a chain but id like to get 1 or 2(or three) other bitties so im curious which ones would fit best for me.

Im 21 yrs old, nonbinary/transman, native and physically disabled. Im typically shy and quiet around new people but once i get to know you, im jokingly flirtatious and confedient, making lots of puns and gutter-minded jokes. Im artistic and i like drawing, writing, knitting, diamond push art, animation, character design and all sorts of stuff. Im very creative and ive even made my own languages and multiple stories that'd id love to turn into games or animations or just lots stuff. I also really like horror movies and anime as well as love a variety of video games like minecraft, skyrim, pokemon, animal crossing and the sims. I like to talk alot about philosophy, morals and other cultures, especially their languages, religions and foods.

However i do have limitations. Due to my autism, i can have meltdowns where i have to sit down and stim or else ill cry, i have a hard time getting sarcasm and i get overwhelmed easily. I also tend to rely alot on earbuds and music in public settings so i dont get overwhelmed or anxious. As a result, i sometimes need to use sign language as i get too over whelmed or trigged to speak. Due to my physical disabilities, i some times need to use a wheelchair or a cane and i suffer from chronic pain and severe fatigue, often limping. I also get random bouts of vertigo that graduate to passing out and muscle weakness. I also have triggers due to trauma so smoking and yelling are gonna be off the table.

On to bitty needs, i already plan on getting a human/full sized chain as a caregiver/friend of sorts but id also like to potentially get 2 regular/snake sized lamias as well for more campaign/pet purposes. Id like them to be handleable generally( they dont have to be super cuddly but ye), be ok with cold rooms(as my disability makes me constantly boil alive. Also hi! I was the anon who asked about which bitties were great with the cold!), be open to trying new things and going new places and at least abit talkative. They also will have to be open to learning sign language and not get too frightened when i fall as i know it can be kinda scary, even when people know im ok.

They also will have to be ok with their base needs being met by a full sized chain on the days where i cant get up to get them water or food(the chain would be well cared for so no cannibalism would be a possibility). Id also like to avoid super venomous ones as that terrifies me. Abit of venom is ok but none that are very dangerous. A krait would be the only exception to the no very-venomous rule.

*Thankfully, Chains will only cannibalize if they think another bitty is a threat. If you can’t be safe around that bitty, a Chain stops seeing it as a fellow bitty and starts to see it as a snack. I picked out a few lamias that will work well with your specific needs and get along with a Chain!

My recommendations for you are:

Papython (UT!Papyrus): Papythons are incredibly sweet lamias who love to help out whenever they can. Many of the Papythons in the shop have some healing and medical training which might be helpful with a disability. Papythons love games like Minecraft and the Sims, so you’ll definitely have someone to enjoy games with.

Krait (Gaster): Kraits are quiet lamias, and you don’t have to worry about him using his venom. Kraits are extremely aware of their deadly bite and will always be careful not to use it. Many Kraits learn sign language to communicate with FireRings, so it would be easy enough to find one that fit your communication needs. Kraits are also super intelligent and love to learn about other cultures.

Honey Bo (US!Papyrus): Honey Bo is a perceptive lamia who takes a bit of time to build trust with his adopter. Once he’s built that trust, however, he is an excellent friend and confidant. Honey Bos are very perceptive and would love to listen to you talk about philosophy and other cultures. Expect him to fully participate in the discussion with well thought out answers.

*While these lamias aren’t the usual good-in-the-cold lamias, they would all wear cuddly sweaters to stay warm if it meant you were comfortable! You could also get a FireRing to help warm them if you wanted. Please let me know if you’d like an adoption scenario and which lamia(s) you’d like to adopt!

[platonic-prompts]

Words are quite...odd. And you can use this when writing.

Specifically I'm talking about the way that people twist others words and cut out important things in quotes and sayings to fit their own meaning (which i think is interesting because we're kinda taught not to do this in school)

For instance (and Im using this one because I see it go around here a bit and misquoting things gets on my nerves), the paradox of intolerance says that we shouldn't tolerate people who are intolerant because then the tolerant people will be destroyed

BUT

This actually contradicts the actual quote

"Unlimited tolerance must lead to the disappearance of tolerance. If we extend unlimited tolerance even to those who are intolerant, if we are not prepared to defend a tolerant society against the onslaught of the intolerant, then the tolerant will be destroyed, and tolerance with them. ---In this formulation, I do not imply, for instance, that we should always suppress the utterance of intolerant philosophies; as long as we can counter them by rational argument and keep them in check by public opinion, suppression would certainly be unwise. But we should claim the right to suppress them if necessary even by force; for it may easily turn out that they are not prepared to meet us on the level of rational argument, but begin by denouncing all argument; they may forbid their followers to listen to rational argument, because it is deceptive, and teach them to answer arguments by the use of their fists or pistols. We should therefore claim, in the name of tolerance, the right to not tolerate the intolerant."

This quote says that we should only be intolerant of the intolerant when the intolerent group refuses rational debate, refuses arguments you might give, and respond with violence. Not that any idea that we find intolerant should be rapidly shut down. Otherwise, one becomes the type of intolerant warned about, the type that won't hear out the other side and only listens to things that support them

Likewise, you have Blood is thicker than water being twisted to the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb (which is not the original version by the way). Something that went from that no matter the distance or the time, you will still have a connection to your family, to friends are what matter more than your family.

There a whole host of sayings added to or cut away from in order to fit the narrative people want to spin (and usually they pedal them as being the true version which again, kinda ticks me off)

Jack of all trades, master of none, is oftentimes better than master of one, is an invention of recently, with master of one portion being added on. (There are a lot that have things added on actually.)

But if people in the real world do this, then you should also have your characters do this in some shape or form

And I will probably come back to this later because my laptop is about to die and i need to go get groceries

[crimefightingspiderguy]

My final thoughts on WandaVision (so it goes without saying if you haven’t finished it, don’t look past Vision)

What I liked:

• I loved the sitcom concept, super cool. And finding out why she hung onto sitcoms for comfort was just *chefs kiss* pay off wise.

• I loved how it started out as a slow build up (but I do think it would’ve worked better to have longer episodes to make things fit better and not feel as rushed towards the end)

• I loved Darcy, Monica and Jimmy’s trio. They were so fantastic together and the actors all did great.

• On the note of Monica, IM SO EXCITED TO HAVE A WOMAN OF COLOR SUPERHERO (especially since she’ll eventually be a main character not just a “sidekick”) 🥳

• I LOVED Pietro/Fietro/Ralph/Uncle P (whoever the hell he actually was). I obviously have some dislikes about the last episode, but we’ll get to that later. I loved how fun Evan Peters was. He really did a fantastic job even though no one knew what was going on with his character, he ate that shit up and left no crumbs.

• Wanda and Visions love story is so much better now that we got to build up to it rather than us just jumping into it (how I felt in Infinity War)

• SCARLET WITCH BOUT TO MAKE ME ACT UP. HOLY JIMMINE CRICKETS WAS SHE LOOKING GORGEOUS AND POWERFUL IN THAT LAST EPISODE

• Billy and Tommy are some of the sweetest children I think I’ve ever seen in a movie/show world and I love them with all my heart and soul and I really hope they do return.

• ITS BEEN AGATHA ALL ALONG 💃🏻🕺🏽💃🏻🕺🏽💃🏻

• “what is grief if not love persevering”

• “we’ve said goodbye before so it stands to reason... we’ll say hello again” IM CRYING JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.

• Wanda tucked in Billy and Tommy so they’d be asleep before they were sucked away with the hex 😭😭😭

• “thank you for choosing me to be your mom” 😭

• That second end credit scene with Scarlet Witch astral projecting was so trippy (I love it) and the boys calling to her broke my dang heart.

• overall the special effects looked really cool

• omg Elizabeth Olsen breaking her back to create the hex was 10/10 she’s so dedicated to the motions/physical acting of it all. Also all her crying scenes, it all felt very real and it really made me sob whenever she was hurting.

Things I didn’t like:

• Episode length. I understand they wanted it to go with the length of a normal sitcom, but it doesn’t work when you’re flashing back and forth between the sitcom and the real world. The time got messy towards the end and things felt rushed like the Vision vs. White Vision battle was just boring because it had no climatic energy to it.

• Too many loose ends/wasn’t clear enough. By that I mean, who was Jimmy’s missing person that led to him learning about the hex? (I’m hoping it was Evan Peters’ character, but more on that later). What happened to White Vision? Does Wanda have Agatha’s power now or did she just make it so she couldn’t use them?

• Ralph Bohner? Really Disney/Marvel? Really? You’re telling me you got Evan fricking Peters just so you could stunt cast and fuck with the audience and end it with a dick joke? Not cool.

• Why no Darcy in the last episode other than 2 seconds :(

• Hayward... Thats it. I just really hate him.

• some of the script/lines were a little questionable... like idk a lot of Agatha’s lines once she was revealed as the villain just were lack luster after her amazing intro and they were sort of tacky.

• I didn’t like how they hyped up certain things just for them to not really be significant (like Monica saying she knew a space engineer who could get her in and it was all mysterious, then not even ending up needing the truck they built or the character not really having much of a “wow” show up)

• I’m back to the Evan Peters thing. Why would they hype up his character’s mystery identity for him to just be a random dude named Ralph Bohner??? That’s such terrible writing (obviously I’m not an expert writer, but I actually did internship at a magazine where I had to read submitted stories and judge them and see if they were worthy of publication. And my minor in college was writing. So I do know a little about story telling, and something is off about the way they did this.). It’s either the fact that it’s just plain bad writing, or it’s a misdirect. I want to believe that Marvel knows how much people would enjoy EP in this show and would eventually expect more from him in the MCU. Now obviously, this is Wanda’s show and she decides what makes it on and what doesn’t, so maybe Ralph is the missing person Jimmy was looking for, but Wanda doesn’t know that, nor would she want it on her show. Maybe he really is Quicksilver but they put him in the Witness Protection Program when he came over from another universe? Or maybe he really is just a nobody who Agatha lived with because his house was conveniently close to Wanda’s. Or maybe he is someone of significance because who just has a random headshot lying around with their proof of ownership of their house and other paperwork and then laughs at their name Bohner even though if they’d had that name their whole life they’d be sick of the dick jokes?? Maybe they left it vague enough so they could gauge audience reaction to EP, if it was good they could come back to it in a mutants movie/show (or maybe even Doctor Strange 2 or Spider-Man 3) or if it was bad, just leave it at he’s a random person who already lived in Westview. Idk all I know is if they don’t end up bringing him back I’m definitely gonna be significantly less interested in any morphing of the XMen and mutants into the MCU.

Lastly, I just wanna say the actors and actresses all did fantastic (especially Elizabeth Olsen and Paul Bettany). They all play such complex roles this time around and it really showed how passionate they were about this project. I loved them all so much and they truly brought this show to life (yes it has flaws, but it was their first attempt at a MCU timeline show, and the actors did what they could with what they were given so none of my criticism go towards them). I really enjoyed this overall (and I’m genuinely sad to see it ending) and I’m looking forward to seeing Wanda being a bad mamma-jamma in Doctor Strange 2.

[vidalinav]

im so happy you’re accepting prompts!! just know that there’s no pressure at all, and that we love your writing🤍 prompt: cassian and nesta talk about whether they’d still inevitably end up together if they weren’t mates and just alot of fluffy sweet banter

I did yours first because I really appreciated you saying that there was no pressure in completing it. I felt that and I thought it was the nicest thing in the world.

BUT It came out really stupid sorry so... I'm not going to tag anyone. However I will own my shame so here you go.

It's banter in the form of pillow talk, where Cassian constantly keeps Nesta up by asking her questions. In my brain, he goes on tangents and Nesta is the pragmatic one. That's like... okay Cassian. But again. STUPID!!!!!

~

“Do you think it would have been me?” Cassian asks as he tries to count constellations in fresh paint. “If we didn’t have the bond... would it have been us? I guess the real question is did the bond choose us from the start--our relationship destined? Or did the bond see us... how we acted and felt about each other, and some cosmic force recognized our love?

Nesta shifts in the bed, her eyes blinking up at him slowly. “Cassian these are not the type of questions you ask right before bed.”

But he has to ask, he always has to ask. There’s something about the darkness that has these questions bubbling out of his throat. “But think about it Nesta, don’t you think we’re sort of... odd.”

Cassian thinks about it all the time. There's no one more perfect for him then her and yet, he sees the way people look at them. His hands will always be stained with blood and Nesta is more fitted for white gloves and lace. And he knows she can hold a sword and fight with the best of them, but Nesta can fit anywhere and Cassian can’t fit.

“I mean I understand opposites attract,” he rambles on, “and we do have similarities, but we mostly fought in the beginning and yet I still wanted you even then. Was my want for you a part of the bond? Or was the bond part of wanting you? And if it’s the first, in another universe, in another time, would it have been me? And if it’s the second what if you hadn’t wanted me, too.”

Cassian turns to face her, the bed creaking as he moves. He watches as she frowns, her lashes casting shadows on her cheek. “I promised we’d have that time, but I never considered that in another life it might not have been me at all.”

It's not the first time he keeps her awake with some question or another.

Usually, she merely sighs exhausted at what do you think the meaning of life is? Does time even exist if we really think about it... Do you ever think about how you can know a person you’re entire life and only scratch the surface of who they are? Does that mean you can never really know a person truly in the first place and if that’s the case aren’t we all living with practical strangers?

More often than not Nesta’s covering her ears with the pillow, groaning while Cassian tries to pull it from her face. They’ve had a hundred and one nights like this. He wants a million more.

Cassian tries to catch his breath, almost wishing she’d groan or sigh or roll her eyes, play it off like it’s a stupid question because it is. he knows it is.

“So tell me,” he says, his words a whisper of worry, “what do you think? Was it always going to be us?

Nesta's brows furrow quizzically and she purses her lips. “I don’t know if you can tell this about me Cassian, but I don’t like many people.”

Cassian frowns at the words, “Is that an answer?”

Nesta shrugs, “I find it hard to believe I would have loved anyone else.”

“So you’re with me... by process of elimination?”

“Or...” She offers, her gaze alight with mirth, “you’re the exception.”

Hmm.

Cassian needs to think on that one.

“But hypothetically, what would you have done if it wasn’t me?” he goads. “We only exist because you turned fae, what if you hadn’t? There may or may not be a bond but the relationship is impractical if you’re human and I’m fae. You’d just get married to some poor bloke who gives you this large diamond ring and you have 12 children?”

Nesta scoffs, “Twelve?”

“Whatever number,” Cassian dismisses.

Nesta raises her hands to stop him, “we are not having twelve children.”

“That’s... a topic for another day,” Cassian waves off.

“No,” Nesta sings, “that’s a topic I will resolve now. We are not having twelve kids.”

“But I want a big family,” Cassian pleads, grabbing her hands and giving her that look that he knows makes her take pity on him.

Nesta rolls her eyes. “You’re head is big enough to fill up the entire house. We have no room for that many people. No. No!”

“The House is four stories. What are we suppose to do with all those rooms?”

“Cassian unless you are birthing these babies yourself in which I will fully support you emotionally, spiritually, and financially, we are not having twelve children. End of discussion.”

Cassian only grumbles out a response.

“And regarding your other question, I don’t know what I would’ve done. That scenario doesn’t exist. I’m fae, you’re fae. That’s it and unless we plan on dying tomorrow, I don’t know if we’d end up together in the next life. I don’t know if the bond keeps us coming back to each other. I don’t care. I want this life with you. I chose you and you chose me and we’re here together. And I guess, if the bond, or what I deem as love, means I’m going to have to answer these questions every night, then I guess that’s what I’m going to do.”

Nesta reaches for him, and Cassian shifts to make room for her. She settles her head on his outstretched arm. It tickles at his skin, but he can’t believe she’s just satisfied enough with that answer.

“Would you have married someone else though?”

Nesta sighs, but Cassian waits for the answer. She groans, mumbling about not getting any sleep.

“Probably,” she says at last. “Yes. If you want that answer, then yes. But quite honestly knowing my character and knowing the males in my town, we probably wouldn’t have lasted long. I would have killed him long before we ever reached twelve.”

Cassian laughs and Nesta brightens at the sound.

“Or he might have run head first into a moving carriage on his own accord. I wouldn’t have judged him.”

“How would you kill him?”

Nesta smirks, her eyes maliciously bright. “Poison... knives... a trip down the stairs.”

“Make it look like an accident.”

“Of course,” Nesta beams.

“You’ve thought about this a lot,” Cassian says, noting his mate’s excitement.

Nesta sets her hand on his cheek, rubbing her thumb along the rough stubble of his chin. “Murder is always on my mind.”

“I should probably stop keeping you up with my questions, then.”

Her lips are impossibly close to his, and he can feel her breath on his skin. “Maybe you should. I’m sure the House knows how to hide a body.”

Cassian laughs, the sound bright in the shadowed room. He’s sure that’s true and her lips raise at his calm shrug of acceptance. His eyes dart to her mouth.

Cassian wants to kiss her, but he has to tell her first.

“I love you.”

“I know,” she says, her lips nearly touching his.

Being near her is a relief. But hearing her speak is something else entirely. Maybe he asks her these questions because he wants to hear her voice into the last moments of the day. At all hours of the night.

Nesta wraps her hand around his hair and tugs.

But another question forms in his mind. “Would you’re family have approved of me?”

Nesta rolls her eyes, pulling away from him. Cassian grasps her arms, pulling her back. “Hey, come on now. You’ve indulged me this far.”

Nesta pretends to think about her answer, and as he waits she looks to the ceiling as if she’s actually thinking about it. Cassian can practically hear crickets.

“It’s taking you this long!”

“Well... I’m trying to be accurate!” She throws up her hands. “You know maybe they wouldn’t, because you’re not... princely. No offense.”

“None taken,” He remarks. Because he knows all too well the differences between them. Cassian doesn’t mind. She’ll be his queen. He can be her guard. Her knight. Whatever keeps her next to him.

“But then again, maybe they would because you are rich--hey!”

Nesta catches the pillow he throws and she throws it back at him. He catches it easily before it hits his face.

“Who hits their mate upside the head?” She yells.

Cassian rolls his eyes, “You hit me all the time.”

“I smack your butt. That is not the same.”

Cassian scoffs, “You won’t let me smack your butt.”

“That’s because you try to do it in public places!”

“Oh, so you’re okay if I tap your ass in private. You trying to tell me something Nes? Who knew you'd like to be spanked?”

Her cheeks redden and Cassian shrugs, thinking about it. "Actually I should've known that."

“I change my mind," She announces, grabbing his pillow, "they’d hate you and you know what? I would marry that man and I’d have twelve beautiful children!”

Then Nesta simply turns away from him and pulls the blanket over her head.

Cassian tries to pull the blanket down, but she doesn't loosen her grip. “Take that back! Nesta, take that back. I’m serious.”

“Nesta!” He hisses. “Nes, I’m not going to stop bothering you. Nesta!”

But Cassian slumps as the lump of blankets stays still. Nesta doesn’t even make a sound. 

“How about I pretend you didn’t just tell me about one of your fantasies and I'll bring it back up later. I’ll even pretend I found it in one of your books."

He rubs at what he thinks is her ass and Nesta shoves down the blankets with a flourish. Her hair is a mess of tangles all over the pillow.

“I hate you,” she says.

Cassian grins, setting his palms on her reddened cheeks.

“I love you,” He says softly, lightly tracing her soft skin with his thumb. It’s a privilege to be near her, to touch her, to be loved by her. To laugh and laugh and laugh. It doesn’t matter how, when, what, or why. “I wouldn’t want anyone else but you.”

Cassian kisses her lightly, “I still think we should talk about those children though.”

He merely gets smacked in the face with a pillow.

~

Fin.

~

I keep reading this and I can't make it better, so.... you win some, you lose some, you know.