#im terrible for abandoning shows about 75% in

[cowboysmp3]

i have a deep determination to get through Trigun 98 BUT LORD ITS SO HARD im at a lull,, ill get through it though i simply must

[your-turn-to-role]

hi okay i hate sending asks to people without knowing them but you seem kind so im trying: during the break, i’ve been working my way through VM, and i’m at episode 75. my question, because i’ve read some of your more recent meta, is “what’s Percy’s deal?” i know he’s loved by the fandom, but i can’t find myself relating to him, and i find his assertions that he’s the only one with a plan offputting. is there more context you can give to me about percy’s character that explains his motivations?

aww, thank you!

(and yeah, asks like this are totally fine, i totally get that anxiety, good job on sending this!)

i mean, first off, you don't have to like a character everyone else does? if you don't relate to percy you can just, not relate to percy, that's fine

(and to be fair, as much as i love him as a character, i would not want him as a friend, because he's a very flawed person that has a lot to work on, but in fiction those traits are interesting to watch rather than difficult to deal with)

but, percy's deal! the short answer is people generally like him because taliesin's funny and charismatic and he does morally grey right, which is rare and a fun thing to explore (also in his relationships with other people, the entire vex-vax-percy-keyleth square is full of neat parallels and opposites and interesting things and i have whole essays in my head on all six combos there)

i don’t know which posts you’ve read so i’ll link this one here too, just to cover a couple more of the generally unnoticed aspects of his character, and things i like about percy

he’s also far from perfect, as you’ve noted, he does tend to believe he’s the smartest person in any given room, because he’s young and clever and used to being that, which you’re allowed to find off putting, but i will say i find he does that less than a lot of characters of his general archetype? he listens to pike, he listens to keyleth, he listens to vex, he respects when they have more knowledge than him on a particular subject, he’s not above asking for help. and generally most of the arguments he has with keyleth on that subject aren’t him asserting he knows more than her, but more a matter of principles and values (they’re a really interesting pair that way, they have similar backgrounds, both children of royalty running away from the crown, but they’re such opposites. percy is a natural leader who would rather anyone rule than him, keyleth fumbles her way through all of it but sticks to it because she doesn’t want to let anyone down, percy is a pragmatist, keyleth is an idealist, they both are too focused on the big picture but in two completely different ways, i could write a whole other post on this, but to get to my point, they wouldn’t be such good balances for each other if percy didn’t absolutely respect where keyleth is coming from)

for the long answer, i’m gonna break this down into parts and try to get to the core of percy's character and why he is the way he is

(under the cut bc this gets long)

1 - heavy trauma

like... this is the really really big one. percy, at age 17 or 18, had his entire life up to that point completely destroyed. his family was killed, his friends were killed, people he trusted like family (professor anders, who was a more present figure in percy's life than his actual parents) betrayed him and helped the briarwoods, he was imprisoned in his own castle's dungeons and tortured for information, they threw his siblings' bodies in there with him to make a point, cassandra helped him escape but as far as he knew she died helping him. he has two years of his life after that he straight up doesn't remember, his hair turned white from the stress of it. 

trying to go after ripley the first time didn't work, he was captured and left to starve in a prison cell, for the first few months of travelling with vox machina he genuinely believed it wasn't real, because realistically no one was gonna come save him, this was just a hallucination of his dying mind. returning to whitestone he was forced to confront the fact that literally everyone he ever knew growing up (with the sole exception of archibald) was either dead or working with the briarwoods, and even after retaking the city there's a lot that can never be repaired. 

and he's just... never really dealt with any of this? like, he gave vox machina the technical details of what happened to him in the briarwood arc, because they needed to know that information, but the first time he actually started processing his trauma, the first time he admits it out loud to anyone, is the final episode of campaign one. before then it had been occasional snide or handwavey comments, and like, he'll let himself feel the anger over it (in the beginning of the story he encouraged it, because then he didn't have to feel anything else), but he's never processed the grief, never admitted to himself how badly that affected him

which means he's got a lot of pent up emotions in there that he just keeps burying, and sometimes they come out in unhealthy ways. having so much taken from him also makes him really motivated to keep the things he does have - he’s got some deep set abandonment issues and takes any kind of betrayal really badly, don’t know if you’ve got up to the scanlan stuff by the time i post this, but that’s something to keep in mind as to why he acts the way he does there. (and it’s not more explicit because percy was raised nobility, keeping a brave face through anything is part of who he is, he tends to cover emotions he’s insecure about in snark or indifference or, for the intense ones, anger, because those are the things he thinks he’s allowed to show, but the real emotions show up occasionally, when they’re particularly strong, or if you’re reading between the lines. he really does care a lot about vox machina)

2 - legacy and loyalty. 

speaking of nobility, it's hard to do a character study on percy without mentioning whitestone and the house of de rolo. this is the number one thing to percy. he was raised to respect title and name, and most importantly, raised to respect the people he represents - both the townsfolk of whitestone and also percy's ancestors and future de rolo generations. whitestone is more important than any one life, he has a duty to protect and serve it, and that comes before any personal wants he may have. it's also important to him for family reasons - he was a pretty lonely child, but he loved reading about the history of the city, all the weird ghost stories whitestone had even before the briarwoods. it probably made him feel more connected to all of that, this is the place he belongs. and after his family dies, it becomes even more important, because this is his connection to them. the soul of a city lives as long as its people, by protecting what's left, he keeps a little bit of what came before

(and also in just tidbits to understand percy's character, he sees all cities and man-made things the same way - in a world where some races live for centuries or millennia, their history exists mostly by word of mouth, you can physically talk to people who were around 500 years ago and get their take on things - humans don't have that, they get 100 years at most, so the things they build are vital to their heritage. this is how you keep people alive long after they're gone, by honouring what they created. and especially for someone so concerned with legacy and history, percy literally says abandoning westruun would be blasphemy, because the place people grew up is important, yes it's better that they live, but letting the city be abandoned and destroyed would be an irreparable act of violence.) 

this is the number one thing on percy's mind when evaluating anything about himself, where do i come from, and what do i leave behind? which is a question that has a lot of moments to be tested, because of my next point...

3 - pragmatism and terrible thoughts

when it comes down to it, percy is a very ends justify the means kind of person. he finds it very easy to square away any kind of collateral damage as long as it gets him to his end goal. see: trial of the take, where he's fine to catch his friends in the blast radius of a new bomb design because he's so excited that it worked, preparing to fight vorugal and resigning himself to potentially having to kill innocent people to kill the dragon (he wasn’t okay with that, but he would do it), also his conscious decision to let ripley go, knowing she would lead to the deaths of thousands because it was her or the briarwoods and he wanted revenge 

(this is by his own admission his lowest point and worst mistake, because as mentioned, he thinks about the consequences of his actions near constantly, he knew she would reproduce his guns and they would lead to a whole new form of warfare. but in that moment he was just blinded by grief and way too emotionally burnt out and did not have the capacity to care. and he spends the rest of the campaign and honestly probably the rest of his life trying to make up for that one)

he's also, by his own admission, someone who has a lot of bad thoughts he doesn't act on, he's very clever and creative and ideas for ways to use those skills for violence or vengeance come easily to him (like, percy as an actual villain would be ripley but worse, ripley's intelligent but a very direct point a to point b kind of thinker, percy has multiple times criticised her lack of imagination, a percy with her lack of morals would be terrifying)

(honestly this is why i was seeing percy so much in taliesin's narrative telephone, because "sometimes i wake up having dreamed of a terrible thing, and normally i just file that away for things that i would never do, because i wanna maintain friendships, but then LIAM did something to me." and the whole being absolutely fine with throwing the rest of the cast under the bus just to enact revenge on liam was quintessential percy)

but we’ve seen the pragmatic anti hero everywhere, anyone can be a terrible person, and have reasons for it, that alone doesn’t make an interesting character (at least not for me)

what does, is my last point

4 - trying to be good

i still vividly remember when i first watched campaign one, being really surprised at how much percy asked for help? like, i went in expecting the usual full on demon possession storyline, i expected percy to hide how bad it was, i expected him to make poor decisions without realising he was doing it until he was in too deep to back out

and like, he had some of that. but at the first sign of things being out of his control, he asked his friends for help. he let pike greater restoration him. he told vax to kill him if things ever got too out of hand. he was really, genuinely scared about what he got himself into and what he might do because of it. there was never a point where he pretended, even to himself, that making a deal with orthax was okay. the minute he realised there was a demon involved, he was working to stop it. and yeah, by the time he realised it was already a bit too late, there were already some things out of his control (and also taliesin kept having the worst rolls against the whitestone corruption which was really fun on a meta level), which is how things got as bad as they did. but honestly, all things considered, there’s very little to criticise about the way percy handled himself in the briarwood arc. 

and he keeps doing that, trying to get better. he struggles with it, he struggles a lot, against his anger issues, against all the trauma, against the fact that he really doesn’t want to be here and things would be so much easier if he were dead. but he recognises he holds grudges too easily, so he starts actively trying to forgive those who’ve wronged him (this is something he and vex have in common, and something they were working on together before they were together, which probably helped a lot in getting them to that point as well). he recognises he makes poor decisions when he’s angry, so he starts learning to step back in those moments and leave the decisions to someone else. he has never not owned up to his mistakes, he takes responsibility for everything he’s done, and if he notices a problem he can’t solve himself, he asks for help.

and i find that fun to explore. like, percy’s been likened to hamlet in the actual show, and i was the kid who got super obsessed with hamlet when i was like 15 because i was in that same mental space of suicidal self hatred and existential melancholy but also thinking i was the smartest person in any given room and being too young to have gotten over the arrogance that makes you ignore everyone else’s needs for the sake of indulging your own problems. and then i got older and realised there are smarter ways to go about things, like having empathy and appreciating the light in the world and not being a dickhead to people because it makes you feel better, and maybe hamlet can be justified and in the wrong at the same time. and while there’s some stuff i won’t spoil for you, percy after ripley kills him is definitely starting to learn that, which you rarely see in the hamlet archetype, bc everyone’s like “ah yes so Deep so Important who cares what bad things this person did they had Trauma and are Clever”

well, percy cares about the bad things he did, and cares about not doing those anymore. so like, he’s still a disaster of a person bc he’s like 23 and no one has their life together at 23, especially not someone in percy’s situation, and honestly i find that fun to watch as well bc i like watching characters make stupid mistakes and do stuff i’d never approve of in real life, and as i mentioned at the start, taliesin makes captivating and funny characters. but yeah, that’s generally where percy’s at, most of the time

[death-of-a-ladies-man]

thank you for the tag @divine-and-decaying !!

1. nickname: I dont have one and I dont put my name on here because I think its too unique and I dont like the idea of people from real life looking at my tumblr lol

2. gender: Female

3. star sign: Libra sun and Virgo moon (im not really sure what its supposed to mean tho.

4. height: 5′1″

5. time: 4:49 pm

6. birthday: October 8th

7. favorite bands or groups: pink floyd, joy division, Vashti Bunyan, the smiths, molchat doma, bowie, television

8. favorite solo artist: Leonard Cohen

9. song stuck in my head: Road to Nowhere by Talking Heads

10: last movie: O Brother, Where Art Thou i love the coen brothers

11. last show: Bob’s Bugers

12. when i made this blog: in 2018 i think. Its my second I abandoned my old one from like 2013

13. what i post: Mostly pics of musicians and 60s fashions I think.

14.last thing i googled: Richard Ramirez

15. other blogs: just this one

16: do i get asks: no I am terrible at engaging with people I just lurk around reblogging

17. what made you choose this blog name: I had just read the Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac and was surprised it wasnt taken yet. 

18. following: 503

19: followers: 75 lol

20: average hours of sleep: like 6 to 8

21: lucky number: I dont have one but my numerology number is 7

22: instruments: did french horn in school im awful

23: what am i wearing: Black turtleneck jumper and wrap skirt

24: dream job: Librarian ( its much harder to get into than you would think.)

25: dream trip: I want to go on a giant road trip through Europe particularly the Mediterranean.

26: favorite food: I dont know I think maybe thai green curry

27: nationality: Its a secret but I live in London

28: favorite song: Im obsessed with Be My Wife by david bowie rn

29: last book i read: I've been reading War and Peace for like a year now. I keep forgetting about it.

30: fictional universe id like to live in: I might he to steal Rus’ answer I really love moomins so moomin valley it is. I love the groke.

If any one wants to do the tag please do. I feel like everyone I would have tagged has probably done this already.

[padsfood-blog]

1-200 :)

THANKS FOR ASKING !! 

200: My crush’s name is: Gabriel also know as my best friend yea

199: I was born in: 1998

198: I am really: a grumpy cat sometimes

197: My cellphone company is: “TIM” terrible actually

196: My eye color is: brown

195: My shoe size is: 38 i think is “9″ in eua ??

194: My ring size is: lmao i don’t know ?? probs P!ATD

193: My height is: 1,75 (( 5′9′’ ))

192: I am allergic to: anything i guess

191: My 1st car was: i wish i have my first car

190: My 1st job was: i wish i have a job too

189: Last book you read: probs the raven boys aka lily blue blue lily

188: My bed is: messy kkk

187: My pet: is a beautiful dog i love him :D

186: My best friend: i jerk but i love him, literally 

185: My favorite shampoo is: those who wash my hair kkkkkkkk

184: Xbox or ps3: …….. xbox duh

183: Piggy banks are: i don’t have one, i need money for that kkkkkk

182: In my pockets: nothing ya

181: On my calendar: test in 10/june D:

180: Marriage is: i’m not married, but iS BEAUTIFUL AND MESSY, BUT I LOVE 

179: Spongebob can: be a sponge ?? 

178: My mom: the best person i’ve ever met

177: The last three songs I bought were? i don’t buy i use spotify :3

176: Last YouTube video watched: reforma da educação no brasil

175: How many cousins do you have? a lOT I DON’T KNOW HOW MANY ???

174: Do you have any siblings? yea, one sister bro

173: Are your parents divorced? yea, thanks god

172: Are you taller than your mom? yea, actually i’m 

171: Do you play an instrument? trying learn guitar with a friend 

170: What did you do yesterday? nothing useful just tumblr and scream a lot bc i’ve nice grades 

[ I BELIEVE IN ]

i answer this one here !!

[ THIS OR THAT ]

154: Hugs or Kisses: both ?? i love :c

153: Drunk or High: none, i don’t drink so

152: Phone or Online: online

151: Red heads or Black haired: red heads

150: Blondes or Brunettes: bRUNETTES

149: Hot or cold: cooooooooooold stone, cooold stone

148: Summer or winter: winter bub

147: Autumn or Spring: spring always

146: Chocolate or vanilla: cHOCOLATE PLS

145: Night or Day: i’m a owl, night

144: Oranges or Apples: apples i guess

143: Curly or Straight hair: cURLY BC I’VE CURLY BRUNETTE HAIR

142: McDonalds or Burger King: BURGER KING

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk 

140: Mac or PC: pc ??

139: Flip flops or high heals: flip flops

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor ya

137: Coke or Pepsi: coke

136: Hillary or Obama: obama :c

135: Burried or cremated: cremated

134: Singing or Dancing: BOTH DON’T MAKE ME CHOOSE

133: Coach or Chanel: chanel ???

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who

131: Small town or Big city: small town

130: Wal-Mart or Target: ??

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: adam

128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure

127: East Coast or West Coast: i don’t know man

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: MY BIRTHDAY 4EVER

125: Chocolate or Flowers: CHOCOLATE, let the flowers live #

124: Disney or Six Flags: disney

123: Yankees or Red Sox: yankees ??

[ HERE’S WHAT I THINK ABOUT ]

122: War: unnecessary

121: George Bush: idk

120: Gay Marriage: bEAUTIFUL, U GO HONEYS 

119: The presidential election: all politicians are corrupt

118: Abortion: shouldn’t be used as prevetion, but i’m not against abortion ;~; so many children suffer from being abandoned

117: MySpace: wut

116: Reality TV: shit

115: Parents: i love them

114: Back stabbers: idk

113: Ebay: good sometimes 

112: Facebook: shit

111: Work: good bc money

110: My Neighbors: shit ³

109: Gas Prices: vv expensive

108: Designer Clothes: GOOD

107: College: AMAZING

106: Sports: I SHOULD DO MORE, BUT I LIKE ??

105: My family: I LOVE, AGAIN

104: The future: uncertain, but let’s go

[ LAST TIME I ]

103: Hugged someone: 13/04

102: Last time you ate: 3h ??

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: 10/2

100: Cried in front of someone: 12/04

99: Went to a movie theater: i don’t remember

98: Took a vacation: december-february

97: Swam in a pool: years ago

96: Changed a diaper: oh god 5 years ago

95: Got my nails done: two weeks ago ??

94: Went to a wedding: four years ago

93: Broke a bone: never

92: Got a peircing:  never

91: Broke the law: never

90: Texted: few minutes

[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most: Gabriel, my best friend

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my mom :c

87: The last movie I saw: falling skies

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: chocolate

85: The thing im not looking forward to: gym

84: People call me: lía

83: The most difficult thing to do is: kill someone

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never kkk

81: My zodiac sign is: virgo bub

80: The first person i talked to today was: my ally, bbygirl

79: First time you had a crush: well, when i was 10 years?? 

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: Gabriel, June and my mom

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: hours ago

76: Right now I am talking to: my ally and my best friend

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: be a goo writer and change the world

74: I have/will get a job: this year

73: Tomorrow: i will do nothing

72: Today: i will train for the film 

71: Next Summer: i will go in vacations

70: Next Weekend: i will study more

69: I have these pets: just a dog called morph

68: The worst sound in the world: a children crying in pain

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: lord, my dad

66: People that make you happy: all my friends and my family

65: Last time I cried: 13/04

64: My friends are: beautiful things in the world

63: My computer is: shitty and old

62: My School: *College is good

61: My Car: i don’t have one

60: I lose all respect for people who: are prejudiced and limited

59: The movie I cried at was: 13 reasons why dON’T WATCH

58: Your hair color is: brown

57: TV shows you watch: supernatural, falling skies, girl meets world, how to train your dragon and so many others

56: Favorite web site: w3school

55: Your dream vacation: LONDON

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: menstrual cramps

53: How do you like your steak cooked: well cooked

52: My room is: messy 

51: My favorite celebrity is: kaya scodelario, rowan blanchard, sabrina carpenter, karen gillan, emma watson && others

50: Where would you like to be: in bed

49: Do you want children: YEAH LIKE 2 A BOY AND A GIRL

48: Ever been in love: yeaps

47: Who’s your best friend: Gabriel and June

46: More guy friends or girl friends: girl friends

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: chocolate and that i’m in college

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my mom

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: nah, actually

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: nah

41: Have you pre-named your children: nah

40: Last person I got mad at: Dilton and i’ll still mad

39: I would like to move to: LONDON

38: I wish I was a professional: writer with a lot of money

[ MY FAVORITES ]

37: Candy: CHOCOLATE

36: Vehicle: bicycle

35: President: idk

34: State visited: são paulo hue

33: Cellphone provider: SAMSUNG

32: Athlete: i dk

31: Actor: shit ?

30: Actress: angelina jolie & amber heard

29: Singer: eD SHEERAN

28: Band: pANIC AT THE DISCO

27: Clothing store: c&a

26: Grocery store: idk

25: TV show: girl meets world

24: Movie: the perks

23: Website: tumblr

22: Animal: dogs

21: Theme park: play center

20: Holiday: easter

19: Sport to watch: swimming

18: Sport to play: swimming

17: Magazine: idk

16: Book: the perks

15: Day of the week: sunday

14: Beach: i don’t like

13: Concert attended: idk

12: Thing to cook: brigadeiro

11: Food: lasanha

10: Restaurant: idk

9: Radio station: idk

8: Yankee candle scent: pass

7: Perfume: mine

6: Flower: sunflower

5: Color: green

4: Talk show host: idk

3: Comedian: me bA DUM TS

2: Dog breed: none

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? yEAH