#im taking my shipping goggles off but also

[powwidge]

Just resurfaced from reading ch49 and ch50 and I'm not okay. I reread their convo in the bushes like three times not trusting my jpn enough but no no no it was just actually like that

[fan-dot]

hate how gus and hunter have scene after scene after scene together as friends & brothers and yet everything is about willow & hunter as a romantic ship

im glad for the shippers but im begging people to stop sleeping on gus in general

[driftershunt]

^ excerpt is in relation to tags

Not to start yapping randomly but I think there is something to be said on how certain fandom characterization of Maverick ignores the depth in his character and boils him down to a reckless, chaotic man who is very infantilized despite of him being A Grown Man. And this is largely because people buy Maverick's facade. There was a very good passage in 'Tom Cruise: Anatomy of an Actor' by Amy Nicholson where she talks about how Cruise in 1986 was portraying a man (Maverick) who himself is playing the part of a cocky man. He does not have an abundance of reckless confidence, it's an act, one that unravels when you look at his moments of vulnerability (ex. the nighttime scene with Goose). This facade is also much mellower in Top Gun: Maverick as Mav has aged, so it's actually really interesting how some people tend to lean back on TG86!Maverick's mask when characterizing him. Some things to think about

[lesbonoi]

hate the “what if jon was real” stuff “what if the whole point of this character was changed and boring. so i can draw porn” . yeah heres his imaginary friend hes had since childhood that turned into a way to literally repress his traumatic memories for a decade. but what if it was a regular guy and he could give head

[tls12lessthan3]

and on that note!!!! the reason i am so immediately put off whenever any fic or art or anything mentions how thin kim dokja is like. objectively kim dokja is a very thin and frail person removed of his powers this is mentioned multiple times throughout the novel. and this is obviously because he was very poor and didn't have the money to eat well. AND because he was very suicidal and a) did not care enough about himself to do things like cook himself nice meals or give a shit about his health. and b) could not envision a future where his poor treatment of his body would actually matter because he could not envision a future period. and it's also representative of how he had no one to teach him to eat well he was kicked out onto the street at 17 with no one to show him how to cook healthy enjoyable meals or to impress on him the importance taking care of yourself. the closest he had were the passages han sooyoung wrote in twsa to try and make him eat.

like his thinness represents how utterly alone he was and how difficult his life was and how little he cares about himself. so from that perspective its something i would usually like to see explored in orv fic. but instead i instinctively cringe at any mention of it because its almost always used as shipping fodder. its almost always used from a 'wow he's so skinny and frail and twinkish doesn't yoo joonghyuk just want to feed and take care of him and rail his flat ass simultaneously' and its like. sigh. if your perception of yoo joonghyuk is that he would be attracted to the idea that kim dokja is smaller and weaker than him sure i don't care its not my perception but it's a valid one or whatever. but if thats the only context you're willing to think or care about kim dokja's thinness i am biting and killing you with hammers.

its so representative of how aspects of kim dokja's character and story get reduced to JUST being joonghyuk's twink bf. im not saying your smutfic where yoo joonghyuk can reach his hands entirely around kim dokjas waist has to have a mediation on kim dokja's shitty childhood or whatever that would actually be worse but you have to CARE about it you have to think about it at least a little. all of your interpretations of his character are going to be shallow and boring if you've never thought about him outside of those shipping goggles.

[imustbenuts]

nuts reading in jp 13 - woowoo is not beating the marriage proposal allegations

im back after finishing metaphor refantazio. short one today

idk if this was fully reflected in EN, but wow there's uh, something going on here. so in trimax' re-introduction to vash and wolfwood, it essentially involves the latter crashing into a family's day and taking one of their member away.

granted there are a lot of reasons why vash has to leave his new family, and its completely understandable, but theres a good chance he's not returning without getting tossed around, stabbed, and shot a few times. and once VTS returns, vash isnt going to be able to lay low with Sheryl and Lina again. everyone is on the same page about this.

even then! there is. something about the scene between sheryl and wolfwood here. heres the OH's version. notice how she phrases vash leaving her and lina:

jp version:

/There are moments when, when one loses a member of their family... /The times don't always pass by easily... /I'd like -- /For you to never, ever forget that fact, Mr. Wolfwood. /.......... /Forgive me.

so, to re-contextualize this.

we have sheryl, the 'head' of the family unit here, who essentially is watching an adopted child fly the nest due to One shady man from outside town. said man is taking one of her family member away to live a new life after 1 meeting.

and while im sure there's a layer of dread knowing that vash might die in his quest after leaving this sanctuary, it also comes off as handing off one's daughter to their partner. usually for marriage, if you wanna bring in the asian pov? cause uh daughters marry into the husband's side? shrugs?

of course, i might be having shipping goggles on.

then again. in the next chapter a insurance agent hit man tries to kill vash, who gets shot trying to cover a bystander, and wolfwood comes in to stop that. hes pretty pissed about it too:

the EN here is pretty on point, but there's something about the phrase wolfwood is using for My Pal in jp. specifically, he uses the phrase, 人のつれ. which more accurately, would be roughly, "my traveling companion".

or, even MORE accurately, つれ Tsure is a person you drag along with you. which is to say, wolfwood phrases this as if hes the one initiating and leading the journey, not vash himself. (to see that monument with the KNIVES graffiti). theres possessiveness and protectiveness in that bubble overall too with a very accusatory tone thats clearer in JP than EN.

gotta also love this part here where he calls vash vash and not tongari yet. that starts in the chapter after this.

anyway that possessiveness and protectiveness even at this point isnt just bc he was hired by knives to do a job. this isn't the face of a man who is underpaid.

its the face of a man who thinks someone is a jackass

and needs extra tabasco pain on their open wounds for hurting one of his. (platonic? romantic? just a job? mystery!)

yay!

[frankiebirds]

i think there are a few reasons reid is so particularly hostile towards emily post-2x15:

most simply, she was the newest member of the team, and therefore the one he knew the least and could most easily project onto. he doesn't know her well, so it's easiest to construe her actions as whatever he wants them to be in order to have someone to direct his anger at. he'd also feel less bad about attacking her over the other members of the team, who he knows far better (this is not calculated. im saying he needs someone to be angry at and he latches onto the closest person who he knows the least)

she replaced elle. i do ship spencelle (as a tragedy) but even if you take shipping goggles off, i do think they were quite close platonically. and even if you don't think he was close with elle, he definitely feels particularly guilty about her leaving. (he says so out loud with his mouth at the end of 2x6, when he's talking to morgan about the conversation he had with elle shortly before the case took a turn, and starts to obsess over what-ifs until morgan shuts that down). so not only is emily the newest member of the team, she's also replacing someone whose departure he explicitly feels particularly guilty about

she's calling him out on his obvious issues when none of the rest of the team are. ironically, i think its her newness that makes her feel like she can, and her newness that makes him respond so irately. i think the rest of the team feels uncomfortable and unsure of how to act—they know they need to confront him, but they worry about how to go about that without the friendship imploding. i'm not saying "well emily is new and doesn't gaf about him, so she doesn't care if confronting him makes him hate her." she wouldnt confront him if she didn't care about him, but she has less to lose. tying back to the first point, i also think emily being the one to confront him while also being so new to the team lets reid project whatever motivation he wants to onto her in a way he couldn't with the rest of the team. he can pretend she has an ulterior motive and therefor disregard her concern, while that would be a lot harder to do if someone he knew very well did the same. (again—this is not calculated).

i hope this makes sense 😭 i have a Lot of feelings on their friendship (as you can probably tell from my fics about them) and its rocky start. final thing: step 8 and 9 of NA concern making amends with the people you've hurt as a result of your addiction, and i think sometimes about the conversation he probably had with emily when he got to those.

[first-edition]

Fox and the Hound

Sum-Joffrey wants to send a message to your family after your brother embarrasses him, so he marries you off to his most unwanted man in his court, the hound. But will this marriage truly be a statement for an eyesore, or will it grow into something more. 

Cw for chapter- pregnancy, 18+ words and themes overall. Slight angst, brief mention of vomit and sea sickness, attempted r@pe, sexual assault, slight abuse, family death. Description of dying (start)

// A/N: just wanted to apologize for the broken links at the beginning of the book since i changed my username they haven’t been working but i assure you I’ll get to fixing them. I will also end up making a goggle docs with the entire book for downloading when this series ends//

previous chapter here.

CHAPTER 18

The first thing Sandor thought about in the day was you he day dreamt of your safety and the helpless thing inside you that took your body as refuge. He silently prayed that he wouldn’t have to be away from you for any longer. It was also the last thing he thought about before sleeping and dreaming of you. 

But he was more afraid of what his thoughts would be like after his body went quiet. 

Here he layed against the rock bloddied from the fight leg broken unable to move, not that he wanted too. Breanne of fucking Tarth, a women, took him down. He had put up a good and fair fight however but he could feel his life fading before his eyes. The image of you ghosting into his vision you calling his name sweetly as his hand caressed you soft cheek. You smile that warmed his soul. 

Oh he loved to see you smile. He loved to see you happy at his doing. It feels as though you have been together for years on end when it has only taken him 2 months to fall completely under your spell. He knows he won’t survive yet unable to move to end his own hes cursed to lay until he bleeds out or dies from starvation. But at least he will go out knowing he was loved and loved back. 

————

You stand against the side of the boat as you watch the rocky shore pass by slowly. 

“Your highness.” A man speaks to you. You turn around seeing the captain of the ship. 

“We are porting to widows watch in 20 minutes.” He says you nod. 

“I sugesset her highness is tended to by a meister while we take the day to careen. Her ladyship is carrying the further heir is she not?” He asks. 

“Thank you captain i shall take your kindness to the next meisters hut.” You say giving him a smile. He nods giving you a smile back before heading to his previous post. 

Over the course of 20 days or so on and off sea you and joss have become much more that a squire and royal you’ve become friends best friends. you will laugh and dance and tell stories, you’ve told him about your childhood and hes told you about his granted his wasn’t that long ago. 

You’ve celebrated each other birthdays and you now no longer allow him to talk to you anything but plain. 

“My lady.” Joss says walking up to you leaning against the side of the ship you smile at him nudging him with your arm. He chuckles. 

”youre looking more and more like a grown man with that stubble your growing.” You giggle at him. He nods feeling the stubble growing on his face. 

“Yeah. Ill have to find a barber when we dock.” He says. 

“I didn’t say i dosnt suit you.. however the prince Marco fraud over there hasn’t kept a meal down since we got on this boat. That says a lot. Im the pregnant one.” You say joss laughs as you both look over to Marco who wipes his forehead with a cloth. 

“D-do you still think of him?” Joss asks. 

“Of course I do. Everyday i pray for his safety and health just as i do yours. I want him to meet his child preferably in this life and not the next.” You say about Sandor. 

“Would you ever take another man?” Joss asks turning around facing backwards. 

“No..why?” You ask. 

“Even if he died?” He asks again. 

“I dont think, despite out beginning, i could ever take someone else i love him too much and i love what he gave me…why do you ask?” You wonder turning to him your eyes fix on his gaze as he looks across the boat deck to Lucy who hands the prince a glass of water. 

“There’s no point in wanting something if you don’t try for it.” You say to him. He looks back to you a blush forming on his cheeks as he realizes that you know who he was talking about. 

“I-I’ll grab you coat my lady.” He says before hurrying to your quarters below deck. Footsteps make your way to you once more you sigh as you see Marco coming to you. 

“It seems that the uh. The weather for this trip has treated us well?” He smiles. 

“We’ve stayed as close to shore as we can theres been no open water without seeing land through a scoop and were guarded by two man o’ war ships when my parents sent me off to kingslanding we went the long way comanded 4 storms three men died and our sips main mask was missing by the time i arrived and still. I had to endure of that wearing a corset and looking pretty. Meanwhile your vomiting up every fucking meal you consume on the charter of a little turbulence.” You say to him. 

“And yet you still have the energy to mock me.” He snaps back. 

“Yes. Consider it being hormonal.” You bite right back to him and turn to walk off. 

“Why do you fester against me!?” He asks leaving you to stop you back facing him. 

“We’ve been not but 2 feet from each other for 23 days and you prefer to fight on my name instead of getting to know it.” He says. You scoffs and turn back to face him. Joss comes back to you your cloak in hand.

“I dont need to know your name becuase i will not be taking it, as little as you may know, i belong to another. I wont belong to anyone else but him. As a care taken prince I wouldn’t expect you to understand after all your used to feeding off a silver platter and suckling from a gold breast.” You say as joss helps you put on the cover before you both walk to the end of the boat where you’re meant to get off to port for the day. 

————

The day is spent visiting a midwife not allowing a maester to touch you, having a meal with Lucy and joss at the inn you’re staying at and exploring a little before you became to tired and went back to the room. You were unfortunately told that the careening of the underbelly of the boat would take until the night so you should leave in the morning. 

Un happy about the news you reluctantly placed yourself in your room. 

You sit in the bras bath tub alone. You pick at your nails as you lean over the side your raised belly proving it to be a bit of a challenge. Your fingers move up to your hand glazing over the ring that is placed on your ringer. The jewels within it shine against the fireplace light. 

”im sorry i still haven’t made a name for you little one.” You say speaking to the babe within you. 

“But perhaps if your a boy then i will name you after you father? Hmm, and if your a girl I shall name you something beautiful like a flower or the stars. I was going to let your father name you but I'm afraid that wont be the case and id prefer you not go unnamed.” You sigh resting your head on your arm. you open your mouth to speak once again but you hear slight bickering out side your door before it opens. 

“You cannot enter my lord she is bathing!” Joss yells out at prince marco who stumbles into the room clearly drunk you cover your self sinking into the tub further. 

“Get out!” You yell at him. Joss grabs Marco to pull him away but he turns around and lands a hefty punch onto joss’s face causing him to fall to the ground before Marco kicks him. 

“YOU DARE PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME BOY!?” The prince yells before pushing joss out of the room and closing the door behind him bolting the door. Marco turns to you. 

“Get out. How dare you enter my room like this.” You bark out at him. 

“Get up.” He says you ignore his request sinking deeper into the tub. 

“You mock me, taunt me, refuse to conform to your duties as a princes!” He grumbles as he stomps twords you grabbing your hair pulling you. you welp in pain as he pulls you out of the tub. 

“AH! LET GO OW!” You scream out in pain as you drags you. You slip on the seat floor loosing your footing. He pushes you to the floor fighting above you. 

“No- NO STOP!” You scream tears welling up in your face as you fight under him. 

“You will know your fucking place!!” He grunts as he hits you across your face. 

“Ah!” You cry out in pain tear balling from your eyes and you continue to fight him stretching his face. He bails his hand into a first and punches you across your face twice. The taste of metal hits your tounge as your lip is split under the impact. You hear faint pounding behind the wooden door of the room as joss calls your name. The sound of a belt buckle clinking. You stop your fight as he holds you down. Before the imminent pain you could experience hes shoved off you two guards and joss pounce on him as he hollers out a multicellular of curse words before being dragged out of the room.

“Your highness?!.” You hear as Lucy and two others run to you wrapping a sheet around your naked body as they help you sit up. Lucy pulls you into her arms as you sob the pulsing pain in your face far from the pain in your heart. The fear flooded illness that could’ve resulted much worse.

”h-help me d-dress.” You say getting up weakly as she helps you. 

“Are you alright did he-“ 

“No. i want to leave now. Help me dress!” You speak. She and others nod. 

“Joss.” You say before he walks out after the guards. he looks to you holding his side from the rough kick Marco gave, his face bloddied. 

“Th-thank you. We will be t-taking a guarding ship the rest of way.” You say he nods to you before walking out closing the door after himself so your ladies can help you dress. You pull off the sheet holding your stomach before they slip on your undergarments and then and easy dress and shoes. They take the small bag you had packed for the night before you all hurry out. To the shipping dock. 

You board the guarding ship with the others, a few guards and joss, despite his condition help board over your items from the main ship before taking off back to the sea

Next chapter coming soon.

TAGLIST. If you’d like to be added to the tag list please leave a comment down below.

Taglist @stephyshadows@germansarechill@urfavbiscuit@daphneyblue@takemeaemond@holb32@allison-119@pxstelink@imsolonelyimissyou@myshitaccount@broadsdrinkwhisky@@evie-beanie@eulysa23-2@greeknymph18@rudiruds@ex160-blog1@im-an-assho1e@chompwoman@heartb8k2@lovely--lover ex160-blog1 @midnightprocrastinator

[youngpettyqueen]

alright as promised- Julian and Garak and Garashir thoughts on A Stitch in Time!

also, I am going to note before I even begin. yes, I ship Garashir, but im also going to focus on not viewing their dynamic entirely through a shipping lens. Garashir as a ship will be brought up, yes, but im making a concentrated effort to also discuss their relationship as presented because them as a duo compels me even without my shipping goggles on

without further ado, lets get into it-

I think the most important thing to take from how Julian and Garak are presented in A Stitch in Time is that Garak cares about Julian very, very deeply. whether you interpret that as romantic or not is up to you, but its at least made very clear that Garak cares about Julian. a lot. which, yes, we know from the show that Garak cares, but the depth of his care is truly revealed in this book

I think its safe to say that this book is the most open we see Garak be with Julian. and im not just saying in their scenes together- this entire book was written by Garak, for Julian to read. a chronicle of his history, entries made during their time on DS9, and letters written about what he's doing now on Cardassia, all written for Julian to read. this book is, quite literally, Garak showing everything he is to Julian. which is fucking incredible. we know Garak is a closed-off person and very defensive of himself, we see exactly WHY he's that way, and we're seeing that only because he's spelling it all out to give to Julian. this is an openness that Garak hasn't ever afforded himself in a relationship. and I think its for good reason that the first time he is this open and this honest, its with Julian

I was deeply compelled by Garak's point of view on his and Julian's relationship in the entries that took place during DS9. I love how distant they became from each other, and how strained things got. I never would've read it that way with just the show, and now I cant wait to do a rewatch with this new information in mind. Garak thinks Julian has ended their relationship, he thinks Julian doesnt want to learn any more from him, and he doesnt understand why. he's upset about it- he's mad! his feelings are hurt! but he cant let go. and that ties in with the sentimentality we see in Garak throughout the rest of the book. Garak could no more let go of his connection with Julian than he could his connection with Paladine when he was still on Cardassia. he still answers when Julian calls. he still calls Julian himself. even drifted apart, theyre still connected. they still care. and thats why they come back together before the end of the series- they still love each other. platonically, romantically, however you want to interpret it, you cannot deny that these two love each other

as for Julian's side of this rift. I dont think Julian sees their relationship as over, but I think he can tell something's off. Julian is very awkward in many of his scenes with Garak, and doesnt seem to know how to approach him, or even how to talk to him sometimes. whatever Julian believes is going on here, he knows something's wrong. so, in true Julian fashion, even though he doesnt know what to do or say, he reaches out. he keeps reaching out. he goes out of his way to get Garak's favourite food hand-made. he answers when Garak calls. he calls Garak. he tries to apologize. he tries, he tries, he tries. because he knows, whatever's going on, that he wants to be there for Garak. he wants to help. such is the nature of Julian Bashir- he always just wants to help

I love that his attempts to help are clumsy. the argument Julian and Garak have about Federation vs Cardassian politics is great! because we know Julian is trying to help, but Julian has a habit of being a bit condescending and even arrogant in assuming his way is the right way, and I love that Garak actually gets mad about it here. this argument really highlights just how different Julian and Garak are, but it also serves to point out just how strained Garak is with everything going on with the Dominion and Cardassia at this point. Garak is surprised at his own outburst, and I think part of it is because he's typically better at hiding his feelings, but I also think part of it is that he's this mad towards Julian. I dont think its a stretch to say that this might be reminding Garak of the events of Our Man Bashir. that episode comes up multiple times throughout the DS9 entries, and is an event that Garak associates with him and Julian drifting apart. its also the episode where we see Garak get mad at Julian about these same things- namely his arrogance, in assuming he can save everyone and that things will work out. while at first it surprised me that Garak saw these events as driving a wedge between him and Julian, in hindsight, I think it makes total sense

the idea of Julian pulling away from Garak after Our Man Bashir is what makes it make complete sense. Julian trying to apologize in the last entry for DS9 is what really makes it- he feels bad for hurting Garak. and he avoids talking about it, but he pointedly doesnt deny that he would've killed Garak if he had to, to save the others. of course the guilt of that's been eating him. of course he pulled away. because after Our Man Bashir, as we get into s5 and beyond, we see Julian start to go down a darker path. we see Julian kill. we see him lie, and manipulate, and do harm. we see him forced to compromise his morals, or compromise them by his own choice. so, yeah, it makes sense that he's pulling away from Garak

on the topic of episodes that get brought up- I love that Julian only pulls away further after the events of Doctor Bashir, I Presume? I'd wondered how that episode might've impacted his relationship with Garak, since we dont see it at all in the show besides Garak starting to make cracks at Julian about being augmented. I love that Julian being outed as being augmented played a part in him and Garak drifting apart. if theres one thing I wish would've been included in the DS9 entries, I wish we could've seen if Garak and Julian talked either during or right after the events of that episode. I think it'd be interesting, though, if they didnt. I think it'd be interesting if they never talked about it. I honestly think that could track with how they've drifted apart at this point. it'll be left up to me to wonder, I think, but its all very fascinating

I love that despite everything, Garak's respect and admiration for Julian is always clear- especially when it comes to traits like his kindness. its nice to see that, despite how Garak always gets on Julian's case about his naivety and optimism, he actually does love these so-called "soft things" about Julian. he loves his kindness. he loves his selflessness. he loves that desire Julian has to just help everybody around him. I think this kindness is what really helps pull their relationship back together, in more ways than one

for one thing, I think if Julian wasn't his kind and loving and open self, I dont think Garak would be able to be as open as he is with him. Garak is very much used to people having multiple agendas, and Julian is just not like that. Julian is open and honest to a fault, with his only big secret being that he was augmented, and once thats out in the open, he doesnt have anything left to hide. Julian and Garak's relationship might've started with Julian clumsily trying to be a spy, but it quickly became just... a friendship. Julian doesnt want anything from Garak besides a relationship. he just wants Garak. and its this honest, open approach to that that reminds Garak that this is Julian, who he can trust, and thats what lets them mend this thing between them

I also think its crucial that Garak's respect and admiration for Julian's kindness ultimately overpowers his desire to teach Julian his ways. Garak sees their relationship as over because he believes that Julian doesnt want to learn from him. the hurdle that Garak has to overcome here is that he needs to see that Julian can still learn from him, but not in the way he thinks. Garak has to learn that Julian doesnt need to learn how to be a hardened spy from him. he doesnt need to learn how to close himself off, or be more cynical- what he gets from Garak, what he learns from Garak, is how to be challenged. Garak challenges Julian constantly, forces him to think about things from different perspectives he otherwise wouldnt have considered. Julian gets caught up in believing his way is the right way, he cant always see the other side of things, and Garak is the one who will make him see it. thats why their relationship, even when its distanced, is never over- because Julian is still learning from Garak as he continues to challenge him, and Garak is still learning from Julian as he learns that sentimentality isnt a weakness after all

the last entry set in DS9 means the entire world to me. Garak immediately calling Julian after a nightmare. Julian going to him. the discussion they have. Garak realizing what he has to do. the apologies Julian tries to make, and how Garak won't let him. the way they come together again at last, and you know theyre going to be ok. Garak calling him Julian... you have to wonder if this is the first time Garak has actually called him by his name, because to my memory he doesnt do so at any point in the show. and of course its Julian who makes Garak see what he needs to do, and where he needs to be. just, that entire scene. its so important to me. you can feel the love, and it feels like a sigh of relief, because they've finally bridged this gap between them

to me, though, the most loving bit is the very end of the novel. Garak inviting Julian to come to his home, and see what he's done. Garak has just documented pretty much his entire life and sent it to Julian so that Julian will know every part of him, and he's ended it by inviting Julian to his home. holy shit. this is where the shipping goggles go on cause oh my god. Garak has just gone "here's my heart. here's my soul. here's my core. here's everything that's made me into me. here's what I was thinking when we weren't talking. here's how much I missed you. here's everything youve ever done for me. nothing would make me happier than you coming to see me. come see my home. come see what ive done. I love you. come to my home." this entire novel is such a massive display of vulnerability and trust, of an openness Garak has never allowed himself to express, and it end it by inviting Julian to come to his home? im going to fucking explode.

Garak wasn't this open with Palandine. he wasn't this open with Pythas. he wasn't this open with Tolan, with Mila, with Tain- there's been nobody he's been this open with. his relationship with Julian is so much different than any other relationship he's had, just for the fact that he can be truly, openly himself. and he knows he can be, because he knows Julian. this novel really highlights how well Garak knows Julian, and understands him- he knows Julian will accept him for who he is, because Julian always has. Julian would never be as harsh on Garak as Garak is on himself, Julian is the kind voice in his head, and its exactly BECAUSE he sees Garak for who he is: a man who's trying his best. nobody else has ever seen that in Garak- I dont think even Palandine saw it. I think she probably got the closest to seeing it, and I think Pythas too might've gotten close had they not been separated for so long, but nobody ever got close to Garak like Julian managed to

I think however you interpret the Julian and Garak dynamic, you can read this book and understand that these two love each other. deeply. whether that means platonically or romantically you can interpret yourself, but however you define it, the love is still undeniably there. do I think its romantic? hell yeah. they make me fucking insane and every interaction between them in this book made me scream out loud. but I think its a testament to how theyre written that the love is there no matter how you read it, and that their relationship is just incredibly solid all around. Andrew Robinson clearly put a lot of work and love and thought into how he portrayed these two, and it shows in every scene, every line where Garak even thinks about Julian

alright gonna wrap up because this is getting. so long. I love that this book wasn't about their relationship, but it also was. because this book is, of course, about Garak. but it was written by Garak, for Julian. and it ends perfectly, with Garak holding a hand out and going "you're always welcome, doctor." so, yeah, this is Garak's story, but it's also Garak's story for Julian, and that makes me, personally, feel a little insane

[sailinginstars]

‼️ TBB SEASON FINALE SPOILERS ‼️

man

oh my GODDDDD im actually crying and screaming they did so good😭😭

i. just. wow. ok so.😭 FIRST so glad people were right about this being an hour long episode theres genuinely no way it could’ve been 25 mins. seeing omega already having escaped before anyone could reach her was awesome shes so skilled love her. AND ECHO AND EMERIE WORKING TOGETHER i love them they’ve both been brainwashed by the opposite side and seeing them fight for a better future for everyone else is so touching.

SO SURPRISED NO ONE DIES THANK GODDDD

ANYWAYS OMEGA RELEASED THE ZILLO BEAST WOOOOOO‼️‼️ ECHO SAYING THATS WHAT HE WOULDVE DONE!!! echo is literally her mom im crying😭 erm the really long ladder the kids had to climb up was a mgs3 reference guys☝️ ANYWAYS THE TORTURE SCENE HELLO 🙏🙏 i love men screaming 🫶

UGHHHH NALA SE I KNEW YOU WERE NEVER EVIL. she was so real for taking out rampart with her MAN FUCK RAMPART i kinda thought he changed lmao😭

GRRR OK SO THE FIGHG BETWEEN ECHO AND WRECKER VS THE TWO TROOPER LORRRRD, i was literally on the edge of my fucking seat the whole time i thought they were COOKED so many times. OH also crosshair loosing a hand OH MY GOD???

the bridge scene. GODDDDDD like i KNEW hemlock wasnt going to shoot omega but i was still so scared. AND CROSSHAIR MADE THE SHOT WOOOOO. scorch tho😭😭 so sad to see him go🙏 BUT THEY KILLED HEMLOCK HELL YEA‼️‼️ uhm also hunter with his hair wet⁉️⁉️

ANYWAYSSSS everyone made it home safe (well mot crosshairs’s hand but oh well, now him and echo match) nice to see clones looking sorta domestic and not in a war setting lmao. and like i get why echo is leaving but😒 MAMA ECHO PLEASE STOP LEAVING OH MY GOD JUST STAY ON SCREEN IM BEGGING YOU. reallllly hope we get some kinda show about him, rex, wolffe, and gregor and the whole clone rebellion thing PLEASE WHAT HAPPENED WITH WOLFFE⁉️

sobbbbb hunter, cross, wrecker, omega, and batcher just resting im tearing up. they literally just get to be family now im so happy

now the last few minutes…

I SCREAMEDDDD WE WERE SO RIGHT ABOUT THE TIMESKIP IM SOOOKK GRATEFUL tbh i did get nervous seeing the panover pabu but as SOON as i saw omega ik what was happening 😭😭 OLD MAN HUNTER IM SCREAMING HE LOOKS SO GOOD (he also looks strangely like blackbeard from ofmd lmao) he def has dad bod ill die on that hill😭 they both looks so happy and domestic i cant OMEGA GOING OFF TO FIGHT IN THE REBELLION I CANTTT shes def going to see hera again thats so sweet. ughhhh hunter worrying over her hes such a dad GOD. but anyways this moment was so sweet, been missing the hunter-omega relationship this season so this had me tearing up and shi😭

TECHS GOGGLES ON THE SHIP… i knew tech wasnt gonna come back, it would’ve taken away from his sacrifice but i would’ve loved to see him again. lowkey surprised we didn’t get a cx-2 reveal, people thought he was tech, cody, a clone specifically of crosshair, dogma, fucking slick. (real ones know cx-2 is actually fives hes not dead guys TRUST!!11!!1111!!11!!)

anyways god that was such a satisfying ending and im VERY pleased, crazy how this season had NO bad ep. incredibly sad this show is over tho. this show has been on my mind constantly for the past three years im so sad to see it go but im also see happy we got to see these characters lives play out in such a beautiful way. sorry for this being essay length i just had a LOT of thoughts about this ep.

for the last time, anywaysss. (also this is not proofread sorry for any grammatical errors lol) this ep was amazing and the team did WONDERFULLY!! good bye bad batch😢

[inkstainedhandswithrings]

S2 Ep14 of TBB Thoughts!!

oh frick, oh darn, oh heck

HOWZER HOWZER HOWZER HOWZER HOWZER HOWZER HOWZER HOWZER

I need to stop eating breakfast while I watch these eps, eventually im gonna gasp so hard I'll choke on some food (this is based on me almost choking on my food when HOWZER showed up)

So I knew Echo'd be in this one, but I was actually also a 100% Rex would be there too, so I was a little bummed about that? like why would they release Rex's poster now if he isn't gonna be in the ep? and like ik this is a show about the batch, so they wanna show off Echo and I love that for him bc I love Echo but like,,, Rex🥺 yanno?

that being said, Echo and his team infiltrating that ship, fcking GREGOR?? amazing, loving that shit, eating it up

another suicide? this is getting intense. like this season has given us deeply seeded political issues about clone rights, depictions of blood, brainwashing and two suicides?? like??? things are heating up, the writers are getting more real and I actually kinda,,, love that even though its intense

CROSS MY BOY🥺🥺🥺🥺

clone sipping coffee :)

ye :)

me @ howzer:

he knows someone, eh? THAT'LL BE MY MANS TECH :DDDD

ofc he snatched the gun, you rlly coulda seen that one coming dipstick

it struck me as really odd that Crosshair didn't shoot the female doctor. like the rest of the batch and most of the clones use stun guns ALL THE TIME whereas Crosshair has always shot to kill. again, "severe and unyielding", meaning he takes intense action, committing all the way all the while being so stubborn he hardly ever backs down. honestly, him sparing her is some serious character development. he recognised she was being kind to him and he decided that that was enough reason not to hurt her. either that, or he wanted to abuse her kindness later on

he never wanted to get out, he just wanted to warn his brothers, which is AGAIN SO DIFFERENT from the Cross we've gotten to know in these last two seasons. I actually don't think that's growth anymore. that's Crosshair standing by a choice that he knew was bad for far too long (SEVERE. AND. UNYIELDING.) and now finally admitting he was wrong and going back to what he always wanted and always knew to be right.

ALSO I JUST WITNESSED CROSSHAIR MISS A SHOT TWICE LIKE WTH??? THAT'S NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE

partially rebuilt Pabu :)))

Hunter being questioned abt being more than just a soldier lol

like sir, the answer is "I am dad, actually."

TECH AND OMEGA FLYING TOGETHER

CACKLING

HE ADJUSTED HIS GOGGLES TWICE IN LIKE 3 MINUTES

HE LOOKED LIKE HE WAS FEARING FOR HIS LIVE I AM DYING WITH LAUGHTER FCK

"Up. Up! Up, Omega, pull up!" <- im sorry but Tech's always been just,,, so cool in stressful situations, like almost dying, no biggie. falling out of the sky in a storage box and having a heavy object crush your leg, naaahh we got this. fcking staring a Zillo Beast dead in the eye as it growls at you, easy as pie. omega's flying? panic

"The Tech-Turn? really?" "Now that is not what it is called, but I rather like it. I suggest you proceed before I come to my sen-- AAAAAHHHH."

D Y I N G

did Echo only race Omega to torture Tech? yes, why do you ask?

okay listen I love him, but without his kama Echo looks half naked

TECH FCKING STUMBLING OUT THE SHIP I CAN'T

HUGGIES!!!! ECHO AND OMEGA HUGGIES!! :DDDDD

hmmm the summit huh??? interesting

Tech sounded so worried when he called Hunter over??? waaaaaahhh

Hemlock? more like Hemcock (yes I've been waiting a while to make that joke leave me alone)

YES CROSS IS WARNING YOU. NO HUNTER YOU CAN TRUST HIM GO AFTER HIM GO FIND YOUR BROTHER HE NEEDS YOUR HELP GODDAMN WAAAAAAAAAAAHGGH

Crosshair being offered his freedom and just stubbornly staring back? Severe and unyielding hero edition. I love him, Hunter go get him pls he needs you.

help why did this one feel so short

[kravisaweeb]

okay ive just been thinking about bkdk wayy too much recently (when am i not, though, honestly?) and i just Have to dump my thoughts somewhere. these are my own personal opinions and if you don't agree 100% (or at all) that's perfectly fine!

it's kinda Long and Rambly so beware lmao

so ive been reading more bkdk meta (of course) and like, i have so many conflicting feelings cause. y'all, no amount of evidence and logic and reasoning and thematic and narrative parallels and development and arc conclusions and build-up and Everything will make a weekly shonen jump main title gay. that's My opinion as a terribly bitter cynic, and it is in no way meant to rain on other people's parades (if you think they will be canon, you are more optimistic than i and are making the world a sweeter place). I've just been burnt too many times, i don't really expect anything from mainstream media At All—only indie content gets my unfiltered hype and hopes—and whenever things do shake up differently from what i thought, it's a nice surprise! cause the alternative is, This Mountain of Evidence and Development... and then oops get hit with the straightification beam on the last second.

"but it would be so unsatisfying! and completely out of nowhere! and just plain out of character! and ignore so much development! and it wouldn't make any sense at all with what has been established in the story!" Yeah. i know! im as angry and annoyed and disappointed about it as anyone. and yet, so many fucking times, that's how it goes. it would be terrible, and weird, and completely against everything that's been set up, and yet it would happen anyway. this is true even for things that are not shipping-related—ask game of thrones how it ended. cause executives are Executives everywhere, including the "west", which is """"supposedly"""" more liberal (lol, lmao). people with money that make all the decisions force creatives to comply, or fight with tooth and nail and blood and sweat and tears into allowing them to make the story they DO want to make. so it's really hard for me to see it in any other light, when i have seen it happen so many times before.

and yet.

And Yet. i cant help but think, but wonder—what is it all for then, anyway??

i can honestly say, taking off my shipping goggles for a moment, bkdks platonic relationship has ended. it really ended two years ago, culminating when bkg took a bullet for him, and then was cemented when he apologised, you know, to trample down any doubts. there we go, narrative concluded! from rival to best friend. all loose threads tied in terms of their relationship. if that's how it had ended, how it had stagnated, remained in stasis, with this New Dynamic the new canon going into the final battle then show over. yeah. typical shonen bestie stuff. it would have ended and i would have gone "oh they were in LOVE fr" forever, but knowing that people who were like "this is what besties are like! this is what siblings are like!" also had as much of a claim to their interpretation as mine (even if i didn't personally agree w it lmao)

BUT IT DIDN'T STOP THERE and i have to ask why???? WHY is it more central i Don't Get It. i dont understand? i really dont get it cause.... why? bkg is important to deku, yes. other people are also important to deku (all might, his mom, his other friends, civilians, any lost pet he has to kill himself over cause he is a Good Caring Shonen Protag). that has been established for forever. so i don't rly understand the necessity to further highlight that One part of his personality (caring about kacchan) to motivate him into fighting the Big Bad Villain, when 1. he would've fought the villain anyway cause that's what heroes do, and 2. it could have been a generic "you hurt my friends!!" and like lump in more people there, like in the first war arc where several people got hurt (aizawa, gran torino, etc).

but No! you hurt that guy. that guy, that while he was dying, the villain, textually, explicitly says, "i am hurting you because it will make deku angry and sad, since you are his most important person" (that's almost a fucking quote im basically QUOTING here). and it's like, what? lmao wait. what?? why???

what is it building up towards?? i dont get it. it's not going to build up to the apology/their relationship being mended (what we thought would be the climax of the whole thing), cause that already happened. there's no "oh my god if kacchan dies he'll never get to say sorry!" stakes, or "oh my god if deku fails he'll never be able to be friends with kacchan again!" stakes, cause like, that already did happen though. i mean i know obviously in real life, you do things for people just for their sake, not because of what it will mean for your narrative arc. but this is a made up story and thus needs storytelling reasons for shit to happen. so what is the reason for deku needing to be pushed, needing to be backed into a corner, over kacchan dying? why did bakugo have to die (had to get FRIDGED, it's a trope and everything), if not so that his death would fuel dekus rage (which we were told explicitly was the reason why)? why, out of everyone on the battlefield, out of everyone in the CAST, did it have to be bakugo, the one to make deku Lose It?

i mean we know why, but still. what? is it really, textually, canonically That?

i just don't get it. and secretly, deep deep inside, i really hope we get to find out soon

[nocturnal-phantoms-fandoms]

okay i know you are on the same shack scene agenda as me and i need to dissect it even more so please tell me your thoughts about what remus is thinking/feeling when he sees peter on the map and decides to go after sirius ���

What do we know? He finds out Peter is alive and he immediately finds it highly suspicious - nobody casually fakes their death after all. He goes straight to the willow and on his way he tries to make sense of it all. He knows that whatever he believed/was told is at least questionable. And the way through the tunnel is long so he has time to think.

I believe that Remus figured out what happened in October 1981 - more or less - the moment he entered the shack. When he asks how it is possible that Peter is alive, he is thinking out loud. He already went through every possibility, checking how probable each one was in the context of what was happening in the last couple months of the war and then he comes to the conclusion - you switched - and he is sure there is no other option. So when Sirius - who’s words he shouldnt really have any reasons to trust* - nods, he doesnt question it at all and gets straight to business to murder the rat. 

*That is, assuming he truly and fully believed Sirius to be the traitor.

I like to think that it took quite long for him to accept it and that it was mostly due to Dumbledore convincing him. He has no reason to doubt Dumbledore - and Dumbledore has no reason to think what he knows isn’t the whole truth - but what Dumbledore says doesnt make any sense (and even Rosmerta agrees!). But even if he doubs his words he has no means of going against him or proving him wrong so for the sake of his own sanity he has to accept it. 

And even then - when he was told Sirius was responsible for all those murders - he didnt think he deserved the Dementors Kiss. And we know that he holds James and Lily (especially James) in high regard and how much their friendship, support and acceptance meant for him bc of his childhood. Yet he is very quick to murder Peter - not even waiting for the kids to leave the scene jesus christ remus - when they find out he was the traitor. Yes, the point of his question for Harry about the Kiss was to show that it’s fate worse than death but come on - in front of my salad the kids?

Also Im not sure what to make out of his excuse of not telling dumbledore about the map/secret passages - that he convinced himself Sirius was using tricks he was taught by Voldemort and also that he is Dumbeldore’s doormat. Its a very very poor excuse  and. couldnt he just. show him an opened map and point to the secret passages and say they should be blocked/guarded? say he found this mysterious artifact of unspecified origins somewhere in the castle? anyways for me it doesnt make much sense until we consider that he had this thought - about sirius potentially maybe not being guilty - at the back of his head. maybe even subconsciously at this point. 

that or he was very gay for sirius. 

also I forgot to take my shipping goggles off, shit, my bad. 

I would love to hear your thoughts though, they happen to make more sense than mine >.<" 

[rigil-kentauris]

URIANGER: 2,4, 7 OR 8 (whichever you prefer), 15-16-OR-17 (again, preference), 20, 23

RUBS MY GREEDY LITTLE HANDS TOGETHER HELL YEAH

urianger my beloved

okay let me go dig up my questions

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

I LOVE HIS THEE AND THOU-ING. I especially love the fact that. There's no reasons like culturally for him to be like this, most sharlayans talk normally, if not a touch more formally. he made himself like this. i adore it.

i forget here it is (if its an npc who says it or if its a lorebook thing) but i like the part where the lore says hes Like This because of all those damn prophecy tomes he was on as a little kid. so i just imagine tiny little urianger looking at Ye Old Prophies and COMMITTING. he is precious to me

Small thing: I also love his stupid two sets of goggles when in his Potato Sack era.

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

hmm... i feel like if i just sent him off on his own, he would wilt a bit. i would want to put him in something that gave him a fun, relaxing time, and think if thats to be accomplished I would have to send some of his People with him. he's been alone an awful lot and i see those as times that have also been or ended Bad. i think that might be something he dwells on.

OH I KNOW. okay weird one. but. BUT. hear me out. i would send him to Roller Coaster Tycoon. I know that's just technically just like a theme park but when i build them they are the BEST POSSIBLE THEME PARKS IN THE WORLD. if he could bring than, ryne, and gaia along, i just know he'd be really fulfilled by having a Fun Family Trip. i kind of see him as the guy who happily holds the bags and waits at the end of the ride. and i KNOW gaias got bags. also i feel like he is taking pictures and making the kids wear silly Park Gear. they go to some of the slow like Sitting and or Show type rides for him.

also if he was in RCT i could pick him up and Dangle him. not like malevolently but with the same emotion as I would have if I was Rotating Him

also also i have. forgotten everything ive ever read played or watched so im sure i have a better answer rolling around in there but alas.

7/8. What’s something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like/despise?

I don't actually know much about the fandom takes on Urianger. Most of what I see is people analyzing his actions w/ The Warriors of Darkness and in Shadowbringers, and I haven't seen it be unfair yet. I think, though, I am not deep in the Fandom.

OH you know what I do hate. Every now and again people will mishear a bit about 1.0, and start popping off about how ~~~~~~secretly~~~~ Urianger is ACTUALLY a millennial old WISE and SCHEMING IMMORTAL WIZARD~~~~~~. I cannot blame anyone for thinking that, but it drives me off the wall. hes a 29 year old weird PhD haver who went around at aetherytes and chanting his insane End Of The World prophecies, he wears EITHER potato sack OR a backless dress and the only thing he knows how to do other than is eat hot chip be bisexual and tell the most insane lies possible. actually come to think of it i feel like HE was the one who started the insane lie ' is ACTUALLY a millennial old WISE and SCHEMING IMMORTAL WIZARD' so. either that or it was a general team effort. im getting into the weeds here so i digress.

urianger is so weird. i love him.

15. What’s your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn’t matter if it’s canon or not.)

I'm on that Urianger/Than ship if the bit about the theme park didn't give me away lol. I also like Uri/Moen but if I had to pick one it would be Uri/Than. Uri/Moen makes me sad to think about...

16/17. What’s your least favorite ship for this character?

Lol I havehit up the archive for this one. I'm genuinely not sure what the most popular ships are for Uri outside of Thancred. My guess is Uri/WoL, then Moen. But lets see.

lmao i opened the ffxiv tag and the first fic is an Uri/Than fic ive been reading which YIPPE! its updated!

okay im back its all than/uri and some uri/WoL. there are other ships but i got to the point where there were so few it would feel like kicking a life-raft to mention them.

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn’t matter?

I thought about this long and hard. I went at it from every logical angle. I took apart his characteristics, history, things he's done and to who. Interests, likes dislikes. I thought HARD.

I could NOT shake my immediate and initial thought of Estinien. I haven't got a stick to shake at my pile of evidence I just feel this in my heart.

I guess I was very impacted by uh... when was it. The Scions were in the Rising Stones, and Uri was mentioning he was going to get some books or something to try and share with Estinien to get to know him. It was the most endearing shit I have ever seen and it cut me to the bone. I think probably that attempt did not work but I do not care. GO FOR IT URIANGER! i also, i suppose, wonder how many friends Uri has every actively tried to make himself. like in childhood it seemed more like moenbryda Selected him, and that not many other kids liked him. his complicated history with the scions is complicated, but i think obviously he has to put in active effort to maintain those relationships (ESPECIALLY SINCE HE LOVE HOT CHIP LIES), but a lot of his character development w/ the scions seems more akin to 'hey this is the guy on our team we've known each other for like a decade so we are friends now' and less akin to 'hi my name is urianger can i show you some cool books'

its just intriguing to me why he did that. i hope so much it works out.

also come to think of it i dont know how many friends ESTINIEN have sought out of his own volition. he actively avoids aymeric half the time. orn kahi appears to have also gone the moenbryda route of Mine Now. tataru and krile had to actively hunt and Blackmail him into the scions. certainly i would call him friends with us now, and he cares a lot about alphinaud, but as far as Who Reached Out To Who, i think he is actually in the same boat as uri. huh.

vrtra, i think, is it. though i haven't had enough review time to say who lead that one.

now i want to see uri and estinien sitting silently in a room doing their own separate silent tasks (uri is reading a Tome, estinien is Caring For Weapons) SPECIFICALLY so i can caption it 'tag two blokes who do fuck all'. maybe its alisaie sneaking a bad blurry picture over her shoulder with her front camera and sending it to alphinaud.

23. Favorite picture of this character?

oh man i dont know. theres so much good ingame content and there SO MUCH GOOD ART and i do not have ANY of it tagged by character. let me go look.

OH NO I KNOW this is my favorite image of urianger of all time i want to cry every time i look at it. the fucking. expressions. i cant possibly describe in words how MUCH i feel when viewing this image. im going to pop.

[strandnreyes]

Tag ten people you want to get to know better!

thanks @welcometololaland @rosedavid @alrightbuckaroo @marjansmarwani @hoko-onchi-writes @beautifulhigh @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut !

Relationship status: chronically avoiding messages from my hinge matches

Song stuck in my head/Last song I listened to: cruel summer (it contains the title and has the vibes of my current au and it’s Taylor week like what else did we expect?)

Three Favorite Foods: potatoes in any way, shape, or form. dark chocolate. oranges??? idk I’m going through a phase. my orange intake has been through the roof this year

Last Thing I Googled: oceangate for obvious reasons

Dream Trip: I should probably leave the country at some point. weird that I haven’t considering I don’t live that far from a border. but also I’ve written two substantially sized fics that take place on the east coast so I need to be shipped off to the seaside in honor of them

Anything I want right now: SOME AC PLEASE IM NOT BUILT FOR THIS

If you could be any animal, what would you be and why? I think I would need to be a golden retriever in a nice family who takes me on walks and lets me chase after the occasional squirrel. truly head empty no thoughts. sounds blissful

Would you rather have the power to read minds or fly? power to read minds. flying sounds awful (how fast am I going? am I getting motion sick? BUGS IN MY FACE? am I wearing goggles?) and imagine how much mental anguish I could save myself if I just knew what people thought of me

absolutely no pressure tagging @reyesstrand @three-drink-amy @rmd-writes @actual-sleeping-beauty @welcometololaland (because you didn’t answer the questions)

[anniezsecretz]

Replacement ★ (Ch 1) OC x Simon "Ghost" Riley

ao3 version of this can be found here! welcome back y'all and heres my brainrot of COD <3 callsign "trick" (hence the link name), femme mc but the pronouns switch here and there to they/them im new to this kind of stuff, so if you think sumn (like a tag) is not right, let me know!!! first chapter (this one!) ★ prev ★ next

★★★★★★★★★ chapter tags: // anxiety, older brother price, captain OC, Simon “Ghost” Riley/OC, trauma mentions, emotional support pup, OOC Ghost (for a reason), spiteful Ghost, enemies to lovers (enemies), vague mentions of death, canon deviation, brief-ish panic attack with decent description, angst no comfort, no smut :( ★★★★★★★★★ bite-sized synopsis: captain trick has a rough and anxious first day.

Okay. The first day with a new squad, and here I am. I’m on a cargo ship, landing in 3 minutes, and just barely mentally collected. It’s gotten to the point I have to anxiously pet Axel while taking in deep breaths; ironically he is more relaxed than I am on this plane. Planes always gave me bad anxiety, and my emotional support pups nudged my hand with his snout to alert me. So I sit back in my seat, close my eyes, and brace for the usually-rough landing.

But despite my attempt to relax in my seat, I can hear the soldiers behind me talking. I can barely hear it through my earmuffs, but I can still pick out details of it.

“Did you know 141 is stationed here for the month?” One soldier asked with excitement.

“Yeah, dude! We get to see Ghost! N’ I heard a rumor Captain Trick is joining them, that’s why she’s— on. this. plane! ” Wow. Okay, well it seemed like I was a hot topic.

I dozed off to continue bracing myself, gritting my teeth and an extreme grip on the seat’s armrests. ★★★

We landed. And after 5 minutes we were let out of the plane, Axel staying at my side as we walked off the plane. Uy, it’s cloudy as hell down here. Maybe I even have to change my goggles to compensate for the cloudy conditions— but that doesn’t matter as much. What does matter is who is waiting for me.

“Verdano!” John Price, my good old friend, was there with his taskforce to greet me. We greeted each other with a hug and then talked for a few moments. But already, his squad was gawking at me, especially this one with a mohawk, who I briefly waved at. Then John turned me to face the group awkwardly and Axel forced his snout into my gloved hand to be a comfort. “Everyone, this is Verdano. We met a few years ago and we’ve kept close contact, thas funny, innit Ver?”

I nod at John while I was too terrified to speak to the group yet. So instead, I give a polite wave and a bow of the head. But I noticed that not only was the mohawk gawking at me, but the other guy with a skull mask was also staring at me. Huh. Two skulls, hm?

“I’m Seargent Johnny MacTavish! Callsign Soap,” said the mohawk (now MacTavish) while putting his hand out to shake. Of course, to be polite, I took it in a firm shake and a gentle nod of the head. Then he directed to the skull one. “N’ this is Lieutenant Sim— Ghost! Ghost, his callsign’s Ghost.”

John leaned into my ear like he was telling me gossip. “He isn’t too fond of others sayin’ his name. Other than you n’ I, probably.” I nod in understanding before giving a small wave to Ghost. Jeez, I really do not feel like talking today.

Then they showed me Gaz and Roach. Gaz has a noticeable Union Jack flag on his hat, his posture being upright and much more at attention than the others. But that didn't stop a light smile on his face while greeting me with his name and a handshake. Roach is the silent type like me and waves back. Aww, he has two antennae on his helmet that look like roach antennae. How cute!

“Come on, Ver. I’ll show you around. N’ everyone? Remember, debrief at 1700.” John put his hand on my soldier and led the way to the main base, dismissing his squad as he and I caught up on some much-needed talk. ★★★

That Ghost guy has been stalking me while I'm exploring the base on my own and familiarizing myself with the layout. I catch him looking at me in the shadows, just suddenly appearing in the same room as me, and doing that thing I’ve had to cut my own L.t’s from doing; intimidating the rookies.

Well, he’s gonna have a rude wake-up call.

I especially noticed it when he was stalking me as I looked over my favorite sniper rifle, the beautiful McMillan Tac-50 in my hands. I even caught glimpses of Ghost looking amused in the eyes, it was… odd. I was fascinated by this man. Like, who names themselves Ghost? And isn’t considered an edgy teen? ★★★

1700 rolled about, Soap sitting to my left and Ghost sitting to his left. But John was punctual as usual, everything being ready for the second it turned 5. 

“A’igh! Now that everyone’s settled, Verdano?” Oh yeah. I was gonna introduce myself. Got it. I took every ounce of bravery in my body and took a deep breath before going up in front of everybody. Shit, I haven’t talked! Does that mean they’re gonna be upset over how I sound?

Fuck. No time to think, I straighten myself out and put on my brave voice.

“Good evenin’ ev’ryone,” my Mexican accent mixed with my Aussie accent obviously stunned some people in the room. Uy. It really was a harsh mix, I remember everybody points that out at least once when they were familiarized with me.

“I’m Captain Annette Verdano. Callsign Trick. You mighta heard o’ me, you mighta not, either way, it doesn’t matter.” I take a deep breath and Axel is nuzzling my hand. “I am officially yer co-leader for Taskforce 1-4-1. It’s a pleasure to be workin’ with y’all, I hope we really do get along! 'N I hope you can kick my ass at least once." Okay, nailed it. Absolutely 100% nailed it despite the pit in my stomach saying otherwise. The pit in my stomach made me feel completely wrong.

But to keep up appearances, I give a nod of my head and sat back down while John took my spot. He was already starting to talk about an upcoming mission in a month, and leaving me to recharge from that.

Sure, I handled platoons before. But I haven’t done one since Xio. Our platoon was the last one I managed, the one she was in, and the one we met through. Fuck it’s been a year. I need to sort my shit out, especially with these upcoming missions. At least I have Axel at my side. ★★★

Then it was sleeping time in the barracks. Since this wasn’t really their actual base, we had two people in a room. MacTavish and Gaz shared, myself and Ghost shared, while Roach and Price had their own. I didn't know why though. But apparently the reasoning for pairing Ghost and I was “the respect that lurks with wearing the mask”. Aka, just so we can wear our masks without pestering the other to take it off.

When I entered the room, there were little to no decorations. Just a perfectly made bed with a few teddy bears. One had a mohawk like Soap’s, the other a mustache and hat like John’s, one with little antennae to hint to Roach, and the last one had a UK hat like Gaz. D'awww, t hat’s oddly endearing. I set my shit and the files I was tasked to read before sleeping tonight on my bed across from Ghost's. Shit, the number of files I had was excessive. Two boxes full of them! Either way, it was time for me to settle down. I took my helmet off just to replace it with a regular hat right after, dropping my vest onto my bed, and just taking off general heavy shit. 

Eventually, I could have the pleasure of a nice shower, especially since we had the privilege of a bathroom each to share in our rooms. I haven't had a shower for a long while, and at this point, I’m sure I reeked, but I know nobody would get close enough to smell. Thank the shower gods for blessing me on this fine day. ★★★

I felt comfortable now. I was fresh out of the shower with my hair washed and dried with a fresh balaclava that had my signature animal skull on it, walking into the main room from the bathroom.

“Ghost?” I called out when seeing him flip through my boxes of files, sitting like a mom waiting for her out-of-control kid to come back at 12 AM.

“Annette Verdano, age 28, Captain at 25. Has two parents in Bendigo, Australia n’ two brothers servin’ the Mexican military in Las Almas, notably part of Los Vaqueros. So you immigrated to Australia, n’ then joined the military for a green card?” Wow. He liked to talk a lot. I lean against the bathroom door frame and stare him down. “Yeeep," I drew out obnoxiously. "Ended up havin’ more fun than I thought I would, been parta the military since I was 16. Over 12 years in service, y’know?” I laughed a bit before walking over to him sitting on my bed. “Put my files down, Ghost. Is there a reason why yous lookin’ through my sheet?”

“You’re three years younger than me ‘n a captain, you don’t think that’s suspicious?” He tried to taunt me by waving my own file in front of me, then standing and putting it out of my reach. Damn, my height.

He was amused by my struggle too. I can see it behind his eye black when he raised it up and over his head, still hella out of my reach. “No. I don’t. I worked damn hard for my position ‘n I fuckin’ deserved it. You can shove my insignia up your ass if you have a problem with it, Lieutenant.” I used my authoritative voice, hands on my hips and that angry captain stare.

Ghost tilted his head, his eyes narrowing back at me like he was trying to square me up. From what I read from his body language in the meeting, I definitely somehow pissed him off. Maybe he’s salty about how he isn’t a captain and I am.

“I ain’ gonna say it again, Lieutenant. You better drop that file before I teach you how to respect your authority again .” With a bite in my voice, he yielded. Dropping the file on my bed and going to his side of the room to collect a few things and disappear into the bathroom.

I sat on my bed with a hard sigh before grabbing the file he was looking over– mine– and reading it. What did they put on my file?

It was a few pages. The first page with my full name, basic details, when I got promotions, and my time at the military academies. Then the second with my qualifications, missions, etcetera, etcetera. Then my health pages, detailing my hospitalizations and mental health shit. I couldn’t help but notice the three sticky notes added to my file at the bottom in John’s recognizable shitty cursive writing.

Allowed to wear their mask! Helps their mental health coping, don’t ask to take off was the first one. It made me smile knowing how long ago John wrote this, he was the one I went to for help to allow the army to let me wear a mask. 

Next note, Emotional support dog (the big ass Doberman) is registered as Axel Rose. All his documents are put in his own file which should be at the back of this one. D’aww. He even got all of Axel’s documents put together for me. I can tell this one is newer, the ink is still dark and nearly untouched.

Last note… Do not mention Simon Riley. At all. Or Xiomara Garcia (their late wife) only other squad members she led are allowed to speak about her. 

. . .

That last note kind of made me feel something in my chest. Hurt. I grabbed onto the dog tags hung around my neck, Xiomara, Simon, and my own dog tags. 

I miss them both. I miss them so much. I miss Simon making me feel safe and assured, watching my six and being my cover fire when I needed him to be while I reloaded my rifle before taking the final shot to save the both of us. And then I miss Xiomara making me feel self-assured, confident. I miss seeing her smile and how she’d cheer everybody up with her encouragement, then kiss me every time some random person asked her out at a bar or in the mess hall.

Fuck. Not even a mask like the one I wear is something to keep me from my past, especially not when fucking John is the one writing them.

To be fair, I did go to him a lot about it. I vented to him, he vented to me. Since both of us are Captains, there is a silent understanding between the both of us about the things we’re forced to witness. Choices we’re forced to make, just to keep everything fucking running.

Yet somehow, all of the emotions in me flowed out the second Axel perked up and jumped onto my bed to curl into me. He laid his heavy head on my lap and closed his eyes with calm breathing. My boy really did know me so well, his ears lowered while showing me unconditional love and care. Well, I guess John really does care about me too if he’s putting these notes in my files for others. As far back as a few years ago, even.

I changed files, flipping through MacTavish's, then Garrick’s, then Sanderson’s. Finally reading Ghost’s files, right in front of his dumbass on his bed lounging. He was glaring at me past his balaclava when I put up his file to block my face. I was s kimming through the information, and I finally actually looked at his name.

Simon Riley.

. . . This day just keeps getting more and more fucked. Every single minute, I get assaulted with something else. I pulled up Simon’s dog tag around my neck and compared the service numbers on the document and Si’s dog tag. But as I expected, it was completely mismatched. Fuck. I hate when I meet other Simon Rileys– it’s happened a few times, but this one was easily the most hurtful since I can’t actually compare faces.  I hold his tags tight in my hand to the point I got white knuckles, doing my best to keep it all in after my heart skipped that fucking much. Then I looked at his tags and read them over again, and stared at the picture of him I had added to a silicone dog-tag-shaped picture frame.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Shit, am I having an attack? I can't tell. My breath won’t steady, my eyes won’t clear, the feeling of a knot in between my stomach and throat. I want to puke, bile running up from my gullet to wedge itself in my throat. My mind hurts, it hurts so much. If Simon had seen me like this he would hug me, Xio would hold me, and I would be taken care of. If they were here, they would make it all better. They would make sure every ounce of pain was gone, every single ounce. They would take every bit of hurt in me away if they were just here.

But neither of them is here. Axel alerts me the second he could and puts his big paw on my hand. I put the file down slowly and took deep breaths. In through my nose, hold, exhale for as long as I can. It took a few moments but with Axel's gentle snout-prodding, my breathing tactics, and clearing my head to think of simple things like mushroom spores... the panic fades slowly from my body. The adrenaline goes down, and I'm left without much breath but much nicer thoughts.

Ghost could see me panicking I’m pretty sure. But he didn’t seem to care, and that’s how I like it. I closed the files after having done a tiny bit of my research on everybody in the group and I decided to pick up on it before I start one-on-one training with the squad tomorrow.

He stared at me with dark eyes like he could see through me but I didn’t care. I just put the boxes next to my bed and lay on my back, content with falling asleep just like that.

While I can. ★★★

I woke up bright and early at 0430, the sun peeking out by the time I was ready and out of the room. I had a quick smoke before going to John’s office after having a protein bar just to keep me somewhat full. “I read up on ev’ryone. ‘N thanks for tha lil’ notes on my file, John. It was real sweet o’ you.” 

John shook his head while sipping his coffee, nearly black just as I remembered. He only adds a spoonful of sugar and that’s it. “No worries, Anne. Y’know I need to make sure the generals can take care of ya!” He belly laughed a bit while leaning back in his chair. “You remind me of a siblin', Anne. I want you to be just fine– even if I know you can watch yourself.”

With a brow raised, I slightly laugh. “Fair dinkum, John?” I asked with a curious tone in my voice while I tilt my head.

“Fair dinkum, Anne. Whatever the bloody hell that means.” He laughed again, just as giggly as I remembered. But he calmed himself down quicker than before to show that old smile I was familiar with. “You’re just like-a sista to me. N’ may God n’ the Queen strike me down to say otherwise.” Ah, he’s even more of a British cunt than the last time I saw him too.

But either way, the expression was sweet. It brought an unprecedented smile to my face behind my mask, only being outwardly expressed when I raised my goggles over my cap. “Ah crikey, John. Guess you’re like my damn oldah brother then, aye? Just my third n’ ‘bout hundred years older than me, viejo .” By the way his mustache moved when he squinted his eyes like he was trying to understand and made me laugh. “Oh wait, forgot! You tea drinkers don’t know Spanish. Guess I gotta teach you someday,” I said with a taunting tone. John’s face scrunched with embarrassment, slightly reddening from what I caught.

“Oh, don’t be makin’ me take the piss now, Annes!” He groaned while shaking his head out of frustration. I will forever call him viejito and he will never understand. 

“Viejito blanquito. There. If you surprise me with how whipped into shape these boys are, maybe I’ll consider tellin’ you what that means. But so far with that puto Ghost you mixed me with, I ain’ too impressed,” I explained with a slight huff at the mention of Ghost. “N’ no warnin’ ‘bout his name either, John?” I feign offendedness with an exaggerated tone and a gloved hand dramatically pressed to my chest. “How dare you, you drongo!”

Luckily John had picked up on my humor over the years. He knew I wasn’t actually pissed, but he also knew I wasn’t necessarily positive about it either. “Well, he came about durin’ a good time. It’s just unfortunate the names are exactly to Simon– God bless his heart. I didn’t want to scare you away from this because of it.” He looked at me with sincerity in his eyes and bulky arms folded over his chest. “You know I would’ve told you if it weren’t for that.”

With a heavy sigh, I understood what John was getting at. “A’igh, a’igh. I understand you, mate.” I sat on the chair across from him past his desk, scratching the back of my head. “Still, did you have to put me in the same room as him?”

He noticeably bit his inner cheek while averting his eyes like he was thinking. “I know you don’ like curtain twitchers, ‘n I trust Siii… Ghost. I trust Ghost to not be like that with you, ‘n I know you wouldn’t be like that with him either.” 

“But why not fucken uh… I ‘unno, Garrick? Or MacTavish? Even Sanderson? They all seem like fine lads to share rooms with, y’know?” I bitch and moan about this but with decent reasoning, throwing my head back dramatically.

Price leaned forward. “As much as I love ‘em, Johnny pokes at Ghost ‘bout his mask here and there. In his sleep he even tried gettin’ a peek ‘n the Lieutenant nearly killed him.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a frustrated sigh when recalling the incident. “But Kyle ain’ as bad as Johnny, I’ll give that bloke that, but he still asks about it from time to time. I bet he’d ask Johnny to do the dirty work for him too, as much as I love ‘im.”

Then his head popped up after his shoulder hunched a bit. “N’ Gary? He ain’ too bad, but I know you like your sleep. He’ll be up at night wakin’ you up with him screamen at kids online, that’s why he has his own room. Nobody wants to bunk with Gary.”

With a defeated sigh, I groan like a teenager and lean the chair back, dangerously teetering on the edge. “Fine. Fine. Youuu win, you fucken boga–” The door opening suddenly made me and the chair fall right down from how unexpected it was.

Now I was at the feet of the biggest cunt I’ve ever met after embarrassing myself by falling back in a chair like a high schooler. Just like in high school. Staring down at me like I was a peasant was the almighty– hella tall too– Ghost. Or Simon Riley as I’ve learned to my own dismay. I quickly got up from my place on the floor to see John barely holding it together, stifling his laughter while his face flushed red. I swear, he was about to start banging on the damn table too.

I rolled my eyes at John and held all the embarrassment I had building in my chest, pushing in my chair and pushing past Ghost. “I’m gettin’ brekkie. N’ I ain’ savin’ you a bite either, Jonathan.”

He shut his trap real quick after I used his full name and shut the door on my way out. Then I went back to the barracks real quick to grab Axel– assuming he was even awake by now. Sometimes that dog will sleep well into the morning if I let him. Gotta love him.

After I grabbed him and was making my way to the mess hall with him by my side, Ghost was watching me in the shadows again. Intimidation, hm? Might work for rookies but not me. I might make him give me 50 push-ups just for trying, pull rank on him for all I care. But oh well, I was eventually distracted by the special banana nut muffins they laid out for us under a heat lamp. I grabbed one, some fluffy eggs, and a mug of coffee before going and sitting at a table in the corner. Of course with a plate of eggs and raw meat, they graciously provided for Axel with me, watching him tear that food up.

But my peaceful eating was disturbed. By Ghost, again. Of all things. He had the gall to grab a mug of coffee, a banana nut muffin, and a random newspaper (that I didn’t even know we had access to) just to sit in front of me at my table.

Well, I’m not giving him a response. Instead, I just finished my food and waited on Axel, giving him little scratches on the top of his head. Then we wash up, Ghost washing up right after we leave, and then we go on a run around the perimeter of the base. ★★★

Was he really fucking stalking me now? I’m running around the base and he’s about 3 meters away, so I fall back a bit within earshot of him while he was acting oblivious that he was following me. “Aye, L.t. You keep followin’ me n’ I might hafta assume you have a crush on your new captain!” I shouted out.

“I'm shadowen you, Captain Verdano.” Oh. This was definitely John’s doing.

I roll my eyes and fall back further, Axel at my side while we jogged. “Well, I dismiss you from shadowen me. Y’know he only wants you to shadow so we can bond. ‘N even then, it ain’ gonna work all that well.”

The tension between us was palpable as we jogged, both of us barely breaking a sweat with our heads forward.

“Any stories ‘bout your time as captain?” Ghost finally asked, somewhat breaking the stupid tension between us and making me breathe a sigh of relief.

I had to think… hm. I got one. 

“Mission in Siberia. We were workin’ with a PMC called Kortac. My squad n’ these few contractors were penetratin’ this base ‘n attaching explosives all around it to just wipe it all off. This one massive hulkin’ mass named König was helpin’ us out. He taught me a few things about how bottled-up emotions can really make someone into the deadliest weapon imaginable.” I explained, tone heavy. “We all got in pretty fast, I was usin’ the vents to my advantage to get the drop ‘n snipe them off to just help my crew out. My wife Xio was fucken shit up too! She came in from the side doors, the fastest sweeping I’ve seen, thas beau o’ a lady. Her callsigns Treat, ‘n we always tease her for it.”

“What happened to her? Are you two still married?”

I was so enveloped in talking about her that it felt like she was still here. As if I’d go to the barracks to see her in bed with a book. The sinking pit in my stomach got deeper and Axel prodded me again with his snout to alert me. I felt a slight panic build up again and I’m reminded. Reminded too fucking much of the nights I spent next to her in the hospital bed.

“She passed away a bit ago.” I clenched my fist, deep breathing like my therapist said, while we slowed from a jog to a walk. “This is my first squad since she passed. They got another captain f’r the last one, just so I could take a bit of a break.” Why am I being so open? Eugh.

I shake my head. “Anyhow, that’s outta the way.”

He narrows his eyes at me and I can swear he raises an eyebrow behind his balaclava. “You miss her much?”

With a light feigning smile behind my mask, I go back to stoicism as usual. “With all my life. I miss her ev’ry day I don’t see her, but I know she’d want me to continue my career. She was one helluva Lieutenant, Riley. I hope you live up to her.” I gave him a light nod before going back on my jog.

As much as I love Xio, I have to be a captain. I can cry over her when it’s appropriate but right now? I had some research to do on the boys. ★★★★★★★★★ thank you so much for reading!! and please send in some asksss! i beg of youuu! will post next chapter after some editing tomorrow <3