#im sure that wont go wrong
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(OC Lore and design time!)
(it got longer again ... sorry ... idk how to make things short, i just need to talk, but i guess if you can read the written stuff in the pic thats the barest bare bones of what i wrote here)
i was asked what new lore story stuff i had thought about that made me sad which i mentioned a bit ago, and while that is too hard to explain given all the missing context i thought i could at least talk about lore having to do with it :D
so, (Lord) Eadrya is one of my fav OCs (big blue lad, here a rough sketch in humanoid form) they are both one of if not THE most powerful demon alive and the most battle trained;
at the mid point of the story the demon world gets invaded by the celestials (the angel inspired things i talked about in the previous lore post with Xaror) and Shargon, as the king, should be their first and only frontline, but at this point his life is only being sustained by maschinery after being mortally wounded, he cannot fight (he realizes what is going on, rips himself off the maschinery to get at least his youngest child to safety, barely managing it before dying- the guardian, the demons god, takes over his body to attempt to fight against the celestials but cant keep itself alive long enough since its host is already dead) Eadrya takes the role of the frontline fighter (despite being very full of themselves and aggressive they care about their 'job' of protecting their own, also giving them the chance to show off just how strong they are); the fight was going well for them all things considered, but when the guardian activates it drains the power of all elemental lords (which Eadrya is one of, and since they have the most strength it also takes the most from them), so much so that they lose the fight and suffer deadly wounds (the worst being a spear through the chest made of a material that grows hard, root-like formations when in contact with demonic blood like a fungus but worse, also stopping any self healing processes) after the guardian falls apart it creates a huge shockwave of energy that stuns every living thing within a certain distance and possibly more-
Eadrya (in true demon form, so like a blue whale in size at least) was likely taken through an active gateway to the human world in a large tidal wave also created by the guardians fall; they wash up in the harbor of a small secluded village, the head of which is 'lady 13'; although never having seen a demon before and everyone being afraid (largely thinking its a strange hurt animal, only she suspected otherwise), they still gather all villagers to pull out the celestial spear, which is diffcult and brutal given that its already taken root, but the village lacked both knowledge and means to help any other way- doing so damaged their heart which is how they were able to collect samples of all three demonic blood types ('normal' -red like humans-, energy -essentially purely magic- and heartblood -highly concentrated energy only found within the heart of a demon and the only one to contain genetic material) (this is the start of Eadryas character arc, having to deal with the fact that their world is likely destroyed, them failing what they didnt think they could fail, having lost a battle so badly (even if not really their fault) for the first time and not knowing if literally anyone else has survived .. also being now stuck in the human world, which they dont like)
Lady 13 (placeholder name? stands for experiment 13) is a human that was tricked by demon hunters to enroll into a series of experiments trying to create hybrids of demons and humans, which they hoped would be powerful and easily controllable tools for their endeavours, though the two are inherently not compatible, they tried grafting body parts of demons on humans to make them compatible- all experiments failed except for her, more or less, though she never got to see the hybrid she carried and was then told it had died too, they threw her out believing she wouldnt survive much longer either and all such experiments were cancelled due to the high cost of human life, research material (demons are still rare) and upkeep with no successful results Lady 13 survived though (perhaps even via the pirates picking her up?) and she ended up living in said small village far away, hiding her half demonic body, though most know there soemthing 'wrong' with her (her being this tall when it doesnt fit the rest for one), only few know the full extent; she enjoys the life she has now, perhaps on the more poor side but safer and more loved than ever before; she largely lead the efforts to try and help Eadrya when they ended up in the harbor, though there wasnt that much anyone could do it was still enough- they leave immediately after waking up, but return after really having nowhere to go and struggling to deal with everything that has happened; over time (probably years) they start to open up towards the people there (though not .. very much) enough to get rather close with Lady 13 too- she actually falls madly in love but after Eadrya (extremely aro/ace) rejects all her attempts quite clearly she respects their boundaries
However, after hearing news of potential demon sightings Eadrya decides to leave in hopes of not being the last demon left after all; Lady 13 then decides to reveal her secret to them (though hearing and seeing what lengths hunters would go to for their experiments makes them absolutely seething with rage- she insists on not being out for revenge) and asks if they would be willing to donate a small amount of heartblood; shes always wanted to be a mother but is now incompatible with humans too- through things she picked up back at the experiments facillity, hers and her doctors research she is sure that is all that is needed, she dares to ask since she does not know when, if ever, she will meet another demon, much less one she could actually trust enough for this though Eadrya hesitates (why would she want to go through the same thing again that didnt work and threatened her life, if it does work, do they want to be involved with any of this? what if hunters find out it worked after all?) but after her ensuring that they would have no part in it other than giving up a little blood and would not be considered a parent in any way, nor made responsible for anything that might happen to her, but considering it all in the end they agree to it
only for her to reveal shes had a small bottle of it already, along with multiple samples of the other types, which she collected when Eadrya was bleeding out into the harbor not knowing if they will survive, though not wanting to make use of it without their consent either way (they are actuallly rather touched by this)
alot later the main group returns here and it turns out to have worked (though she is unable to walk/bedridden for a long while bc it did alot of damage to her body, which can heal since its demons parts, but only really slowly bc she does not have a full functioning system and no demonic blood of her own -she uses the other samples for the healing process-) though its a little awkward to explain, especially considering that 13.1 took alot after Eadrya xD (their theory as to why it worked so "well" that time is that even though the sample was already taken, them giving their consent for it still made it less likely to be rejected; demons dont need partners to have offspring, and all can do it, they just have to decide to- so them agreeing to it, even though its long been outside their body, still had an effect on the blood sample)
#ganondoodles#art#ocs#original art#oc lore#demons#monsters#WHY does writing things liek this take me so long#i spent two hours again on this and im falling asleep as we speak bc its almost 2 am#ANYWAY this was alot again ... sorry#but its a relatively new storyline that i have been afraid of telling#since it touches on things im afraid might come across wrong and uses themes im a lil uncomfy with#but i found it interesting ... and works well with eadrya as a character bc it challenges alot about them#yes im wrote and mean this genuinely#i would have made the cut from her human body to the demon parts more smooth ... but this hard cut is the point#so that she looks rather normal on the upper part and can hide the rest#thoguh im unsure about the color scheme and if maybe i should be more creative with the demons parts#then again its largely just legs lol#if anyone actually reads this ........ i hope it comes across correctly#i like to use darker and more mature themes but am riddled with anxiety over how it will be understood#im gonna work on zelda comic stuff again now .. sorry for all the oc spam#but if there are questions PLEASE feel free to ask im pretty sure i have answers to almosst anything?#also i havent thought of a name for her or the kid .. though im starting to like lady 13#13.1 wont do as a name though poor kid deserves a proper name after already being a weird hybrid that shouldnt exist#either way ... going to bed now GOODNIGHT q-q#(any typos are excused by me being deadly tired ok)
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i keep thinking about the datamined conversation between halsin and minthara and what gets me about it is that if you side with halsin and turn minthara away, thats objectively the bad choice.
like at this point, you've rescued minthara from moonrise. you know now that she was being controlled to act against her will. you've gone to the trouble of rescuing her from her tormentors, and you've experienced what it felt like as they tried to destroy her mind. you know what will happen to her if you turn her away. and if you do, you're willingly condemning her to that fate. you've essentially allowed her to experience freedom, to regain her sense of self, only to tear that away from her again.
whereas if you side with minthara, and halsin leaves, that's the only consequence he experiences. that he's not a companion anymore. at this point, we've saved the grove, we've saved him, and we've lifted the shadow curse. we've helped him achieve what hes been hoping to do for over a century. leaving your party won't see him lose his free will. he can return to the grove and live his life.
the choice is essentially either condemn someone to a fate worse than death, knowing exactly what that entails vs not letting someone travel with you anymore. its pretty clear cut to me.
its just interesting to me that they've switched the morality of it around given that minthara is considered the 'evil' companion by so many.
#baldur's gate 3#baldur's gate 3 spoilers#bg3 spoilers#minthara#minthara baenre#before anyone comes at me and says that halsin is allowed to have his prejudice and his trauma. im not saying hes not#not sure about someone being allowed to have prejudice but yes thats part of human nature i guess#my point isnt that hes not allowed to react like this#my point is that hes wrong.#sure he can be struggling with his trauma and his prejudice over minthara being a lolth sworn (even if shes not anymore)#BUT. at this point we as a character /know/ theres more to her. we know that hes making an unfair assessment of her#which is even more jarring if you're a drow/lolth sworn drow#and at this point. you've saved the grove youve saved him youve helped him break the curse. he tells you its a debt he cant repay#and that hes so thankful. but he wont trust you or your decision. he won't even attempt to#and u know what thats fine. he doesnt have to. but if you're siding with him you're condemning her. you're killing her#if you side against him. he can go back to his responsibilities as an arch druid rather than leaving it in someone elses hands (which was?)#that is the lesser of the two evils here#yes you can call minthara the 'evil' character because shes a lolth sworn but thats just buying into the prejudice halsin is showing#and its wrong#anyways. my point is good for him if he wants to demand you make a ridiculous choice#but turning her away is the bad choice and tbh i feel like the game wants u to know that#and sure if you want to boil it down to which character u like more than the other and u prefer halsin. ur obvs gonna side with him#but in that case u probably wouldn't even get this conversation#because why would u have bothered to spare / save minthara in the first place?
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THE USOS REUNITE WWE SMACKDOWN (OCTOBER 25, 2024)
#no useful tags just me bitching lmao#i am SO unmoved#im praying theres more to all this than them just speedrunning this reunion just so certain things can line up in time for ple shows#and so wrestling fans with less than one braincell can get the instant gratification of their favwit tag team together again 🥺#bc oh bite me lolllll#so much of this ~cinema~ is starting to feel rushed and im just hoping theres turns or angles or REASONS for it#but thats asking me to trust wrestling with carrying storylines fully and i do NOT#the things i wanted most from this story were jey getting proper acknowledgement/vindication and apology for his abuse#and explanation for why the family treats solo as they do (and then expect him to be a well adjusted adult lmao)#jey has NO reason to forgive them yet like did they buy him hallmark cards behind the scenes?#and theyve done much worse to him for much longer the new bloodline#you dont get to brag about this being the greatest slowburn long term cinema storytelling and then just....#im HOPING so bad its not just as simple as it looks i am#they keep swearing theres so many more 'innings' to this so idk prove me wrong please literally do#but that still wont make me moved by ✨og bloodline reunion✨#bc what yall mean yall are still the heels in my eyes like why do you have so many family members yall left on the side of the road#while talking about family above all and dont divide family lmao#and i get ~twin bond~ but LORD#actually that twin bond excuse is evil too#solo go bring in jeremiah since hes technically part of wwe canon too and beat their asses together actually lmao#i aint forgot jey saying something like having brothers is great but how being a twin is just different/special#like yeah sure but can you not make your other siblings sound like secondhand brothers or whatever shdhfhjf#ok im done. for now. for this post. maybe.#venting about my interests is fun for me ok#its how i process the information given to me and understand it#and also i like to bitch
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have you accidentally caught canela in his underwear or naked?
but he's a candle?
#before u send me another ask to try and clarify pls understand that i know exactly what you and that last anon ask meant!!#i wont be drawing anything like that with my partner dgmn tho- respectfully you're super on the wrong blog for it#no harsh feelings tho im here for funny jokes and hurt/comfort asks!!!#anything i do draw/write along the lines its for sure not gonna be related to any partner dgmn/not going on any public blog tho#asks#anon#lizmet#post production art#awaaaaa not doing any official tags this Barely qualifies for any tmersona + digi stuff skfjgsnfkgjsgn
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Willowpelt sounds SO autistic, it not being funny wraps around into being funny again.
My secret is being so autistic and so surrounded by so many other autistic people that I forget what tismless people even do. Everyone in BB ends up getting a touch of ADHDautism. As a treat.
But yeah when I was jotting it down I realized it too. Like wow, I really hit this one with the autism beam. Me and you, Willy, we will both have adamantine opinions. I cannot condone your hatred of apples but you do have a good point about oak trees.
#Me and Willow are going to have the funniest relationship about those apples#Like wtf girl you haven't had good apples. No i wont force them on you but you're so wrong#It cant even be a texture thing if youre NOT weird about pears#What the hell kind of apples are you eating that are always a little bitter#Fennelposting#My partner has an inverse autism to mine#Which at one point we called dog and cat autism#Because im mr THEY ASKED FOR NO PICKLES#PREPARE FOR 30 MINUTES OF PICKLE RELATED INFODUMPING IN PENANCE#And theyre like If i accidentally make eye contact with a single person in the room i will run away to a monastary and breed pea plants#Which ngl i think would be the funniest way to write Whitewillow#Fire: white is the best choice for deputy! He's so wise and organized and knows exactly how to talk to people#White looks up from his detailed gamefaq guide on How To Win At Talking To Real People which he wrote himself#'I Would Be Honored Thank You.'#Hes organized because if anything is even slightly different he hears The Sirens go off in his brain lmao#Small says 'firestar is still cursed bc he was appointed after moonhigh. I dont respect his deputy either.'#Willow: 'you will join starclan in 7 days but ill make sure ur not late'
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"No, it must go free."
"Dragons cannot be used like that! They must be left unshackled, free to roam the earth."
"Dragon’s are magical creatures! They belong to no man! They are for the benefit of all!"
These are Merlin's lines during his confrontation with Borden (34:50 S4Ep4)
I know many in this fandom assume that Aithusa was under Kilgharrah's care after they (using they/them here because of the canon 'he' vs the fanon 'she') were born. But there's nothing to actually suggest that's true.
Instead, with Merlin's lines here, it heavily suggests dragons raise themselves. They go free, unbound from men (even Dragonlords it seems), and are left unshackled - in a world that lets them.
And this is directly seen in S4Ep13 as Aithusa seems to just be hanging about when they fly down to heal Morgana (and while they do fly away after, maybe they just felt the need to check in and got attached to Morgana at some point :P so I don't think it was an explicit betrayal)
Likeeee, let's say this was the Triple Goddess's way of prophecy being like yeah no, to letting Morgana just rot on a forest floor :P
But based off this, I think it's more than likely that dragons in BBC Merlin mirror many lizard species - where they just lay the egg and leave. This seems true and coincides with how Aithusa's egg ended up in a tomb to be protected (hundreds of years before the Great Purge).
And because a Dragonlord is needed to hatch it, this very much seems to be the case - that dragons are not raised but rather left to the wild to fend for themselves.
So Kilgharrah was never looking after Aithusa, and Merlin was never meant to either. Both left Aithusa to their own devices because that's how a dragon is meant to grow and live. On their own.
I know from the deleted scene in S4Ep1 that Daobeth was destroyed by dragons, suggesting that dragons can work together and be known to one another - so it's not like they're entirely solitary.
But I don't know! I think this is one of those things where it's like there's an assumption that's turned into a kinda blame game. (A bit like how some people believe in that Kilgharrah theory that feels sooo out of place to canon and the real story of the show).
Anyway, here's a different interpretation that doesn't put the blame on Merlin, or Kilgharrah, or Aithusa. Little dragon is allowed to make mistakes!
And hell, Kilgharrah's theory about Aithusa doesn't have to be wrong, 'the light of the sun' being a positive and fitting meaning could simply be about a new dragon at all. It could be about post canon even. There's a lot there, Kilgharrah only had a theory, he literally says 'I believe'. Cut him some slack!
sdfhhsdf all this to say, I think you can do some fun worldbuilding with dragons based off canon, and this is just one example of that.
Dragons roam free and have no parents :D It's fine, that's nature and magic ;)
#bbc merlin#this is a post by a kilgharrah fan#if he has only one fan it's me im the fan i wont hate him even tho this entire fandom seems to#anyhow yes i do think baby dragons are meant to just roam free and be on their own#Aithusa was just doing their own thing it's simply meant to be that way#if they were meant to be raised then im sure Merlin would have#sure you could consider this a plothole by the writers or you could consider this intentional and headcanon how dragons grow and mature in#different way to humans#all this to say sometimes the popular interpretation isnt always based off canon#and also i blame this partly on the wiki that lists Aithusa as Kilgharrah's ward like huhhhh#the wiki has so much wrong with it but im too scared to go fix all the inaccuracies#sometimes i just like to bring attention to this stuff and hope nobody attacks me for it shdfhsd this fandom is very attached to fanon crie#kilgharrah#aithusa
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#im so normal about revenant. im sure nothing will go wrong and this wont be the second destiny season to make me cry#(this will probably be the second destiny season to make me cry)#destiny 2#destiny revenant#eido my beloved
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i feel somewhat responsible for this, even if i’m not the one saying these things. I’m genuinely so sorry.
No need to apologize! It's not one singular person doing it and truth be told I don't think it's a large majority that thinks that (albeit the ones that do are quite vocal). I didn't mean to upset anyone or anything when complaining about it, I was just letting off some steam.
Having a yap session under the cut sorry I feel like rambling under your ask anon.
Admittedly, I do think there are reasonings for people thinking this way. A lot of the focus with Clash has been on the cogs, especially after the 1.3 update. Which I can't say I blame them! Managers were something new and exciting and (from what I can tell) really separated them from the other servers. I don't blame them for wanting to put focus on that because that was their thing. Alongside other things, but majorly when you hear Clash the managers are mentioned in someway shape or form. But as we all know, toons ended up taking the short stick from this. This isn't helped by the gameplay itself, being mainly a fetch-quest deal so you often only talk to npcs once or twice unless if they're repeated ones and the taskline wasn't entirely accessible on the wiki for a while (shoutout to the wiki maintainers. The taskline script is a savior). Which I'm quite excited to see if they deal with this issue with the rewrite. I imagine they will, but anyways. Social media posts would often contain more managers than toons, which I also believe they're starting to fix. And ontop of this, I believe most of the team in the early era of the sever is gone, so there's been some stuff lost in the change. So yeah, dialogue/writing has been kind of rocky. AGAIN- I am completely aware of the rewrite going on and I am not judging them harshly based off of their current state. I'm very appreciative of the fact that they took the time to listen and are focusing on trying to fix it up. And then there's also fandom mischaracterization- especially of the cogs. Forgive me for mentioning mischaracterization because normally I wouldn't really care (I've mischaracterized characters before..especially in my younger years. I think it's just a process of learning an having fun and I hate to limit anyone because of it). With that being said, there's a lot of baby-fying and coddling of the managers. Especially with those who have more 'sympathetic' stories (Misty, Chip, Winston specifically). Don't get me wrong, I like these characters and I can appreciate the story they're trying to tell, but I feel like so many people will hear their dialogue and then misplace their anger. People get mad at Bessie for trying to protect HER lighthouse or at the Elders for trying to keep YOTT safe (lets not forget Winston was there to brainwash toons). Yes, yes technically there would've been better ways to do it but consider this: The toons are scared. Their homes, stores, lives are being taken over by a big corporation that has more resources that they do. They don't have the privilege of waiting, seeing, and gathering. And then people forget that the company has such a huge role in both toons and cogs lives. If you're mad over the mistreatment of Misty or the fact that Winston is still in the dungeon, your anger should be directed at the company who doesn't care. I may be completely wrong in saying this, but I feel like the stories with almost all of the managers is a reflection of the company. The toons are only trying to protect themself and their environments and yet this seems to go forgotten when people start bashing them. And of course, I'd consider myself a toon guy so me saying all this and complaining may come off as "I HATE the cogs and everyone who posts only about them!" and for clarification that's not true. You all know how much I like that little brain thing. The cogs are interesting, their designs are fun, I don't blame people for liking them because I do too. I just wish that the thought process behind so many of these discussions wasn't so cog focused because I believe that this anger at the toons for, RIGHTFULLY, defending themselves helps push this mischaracterization of them as a whole. That they're mean, boring, unlikeable while the opposite is true. Yes there are some, what I'd consider, "filler" dialogue from the shopkeepers. This is just because of the gameplay. But there are some funny and cute moments with them if people would just listen and read.
Which also brings me into another point: people skip the dialogue. I've caught myself doing this before (on my first account. I have 4 accounts total, so I reread the dialogue on like 3 of them). But people will complain about lack of toon personalities while doing this. It's like reading through a comic book, only looking at the drawings, and then complaining because there "isn't a storyline". Luckily, there's been efforts to keep track of the dialogue on the wiki but I doubt a lot of people are going through and reading the entire script. It just feels very disingenuous to criticize the dialogue when you haven't even read it. Likewise, people don't seem to read the blogposts either. This is both from a dialogue aspect and from an update aspect (people continuously asking about hammerspace/mix-and-match under unrelated posts).
#clemask#clemramble#I think I hit some sort of word limit because it wont let me add anymore so im continuing in tags#It kind of feels like people want the toon resistance to be the perfect victim and then get mad when they act accordingly#Fear. Nervousness. Sadness. Helplessness. Anger. etc etc are all valid reactions to their situation#Not every toon needs to be heroic and whimsical. they're scared. their situation is scary if you think about it#they're at the risk of losing their environment and homes.#Obviously the cogs also have their own issues but I always see this brought up when talking about them but the same context#isnt given to the toons when thinking about their characters and communities as a whole#It's kind of weird to me because I feel like even pre-rewrite I know that I can still understand them and justify their actions#and yet people act like clashes (pre rewrite) writing is justifying the cogs when in reality its not#its just showing that cog society (reflection of workplace enviroment) has its own issues. i never saw it as a justification#even with misty. like I never once hated bessie? my opinion of her never changed even after mistys dialogue#bessie did what she had to do because she was scared and wanted to protect herself and others.#id do something similar if a cog (known for taking over towns) suddenly came up to me#PLUS bessie leaves misty alone afterwards. ppl act like she took a shotgun and shot misty dead and it makes me laugh#ANYWAYS SORRY ANON. NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE.#realistically if youre not saying it then i doubt youre contributing#I would say “i wasnt mad” or anything but to be completely transparent with you guys i was Not-Happy when writing that one post#but it's not directed at any single person but rather the idea itself. I'm sure after the rewrite people will chill out#ITS NEVER THIS SERIOUS im beefing over characters named pretty princess sparkles. im aware of how silly this all sounds ok#the clash fandom isnt the only instance of this. ive seen stuff like this in sw before so like. I know this isnt an uncommon thing either#normally id just keep this on a priv or between friends but something kinda snapped yesterday#i think its bc I just KEEP seeing posts like it with those “hot take” posts or whatever and ppl are always so mean about it#i also think some ppl just already dont like toons and look for every. little. thing. to go after them for#like the “youve been drafted line” i refuse to believe people took that line 100% seriously#or maybe this is all wrong and im just a huge toon fan. and in that case i will die on this hill#you will have to pry them out of my cold dead hands before you catch me genuinely bashing them#ok thats clems giant critques and complaints out of the way
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nervous for my heart ultrasound tomorrow,,,,, ive been sleeping all day trying to distract from it 😭🫣
#like im afraid theres smth wrong with my heart but? im also super afraid of the situation where there isnt smth wrong and the doctors will n#eglect my symptoms and do the usual medical gaslighting theyve been putting me under for so long. ive been advocating for these tests for si#x years?! six!!!! what if its for nothing. like theres obviously not nothing wrong either way but. its terrifying with either result bcos th#e doctor and i did nOT get along swimmingly😔👊🏼#hes very adamant that bcos of my age nothing should be wrong and im like ??? yea sure if that was the metric for health but alas ?????#WAAH im glad my support workers going w me to advocate for me in case i need it !!!#ill read a little before bed and then hope tmrw wont suck 🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️#wish me luck!!!!! im smooching u all and will b back by the weekend properly <3#nohr.txt
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sitting in the parking lot thinking i might vom
#it's a chain place and ive been on the other side of places like this#(i wasnt an interviewer but i was friends with them)#and there at least people would show up late + in sweats for the interview and they'd get it!#they would show up with 'oh yeah interview today almost forgot' and they'd get it!#meanwhile im having a breakdown trying to do everything right and perfect#making sure i look nice but not too nice bc again its a chain fast food place and i cant try Too Hard#also these pants dont have belt loops and they tend to shift#AND my right hand is swollen from the wasp sting yesterday so im worried its gonna be 'wtf is wrong with you'#but also shouldn't it say something that im here anyway even though i could have rescheduled#but then its like... im not gonna kill myself for this place like i did at mcd and does it give that impression?#or should i have rescheduled bc they'll think it's bad decision making to come anyway with my hand swollen#also worried that i should have parked nearby and come over closer to the time bc am i the freak sitting in the parking lot#but at least im early! but am i too early? but im out here not rushing them. but should i be so they know I Am Interested#not to even mention wtf im gonna say to them to explain my employment gap#and im so paranoid that im gonna go in and say im there for an interview and they're gonna be like ???#bc it was through an automatic text/email thing when i applied#which was how my last job happened but idk. maybe im an idiot and it's all fake so they can point and laugh#and i KNOW thats ridiculous. but that's how it feels rn.#also im worried they'll ask if i want something to eat/drink and i dont know the right answer#like i feel like i should say yes bc what do you mean you wont eat here? but the wrong thing means im taking advantage#and how will i be if im actually working there?#and its all so dumb bc#AGAIN people roll out of bed confident and they're fine. meander their way through and theyre fine. theres no reason to think i wont be#but ANXIETY#its gonna be an out of body experience no matter what and later I'll wonder about all the things i dont remember#if i fucked up or not#and now i have to go in bc it's 7 minutes until my time and i want to be a little early but not too much#fuck#wish me luck#ks talks
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THE QUIZ SAYS IM ARO AVE BUT I DONT FEEL ARO ACE???
#“its just a phase” okay mom this is why you have no social life a real friends#aro ace#questioning#im straight#im so straight#am i straight#i coud be straight#i dont like people like that#reneé rapp though#men are okay#im going insane#i am nb so idk#i am pan#no wait#i am panicking#am i bi?#should i be bi so i wont get confused?#lesbian?#wait what do you even call a nonbinary who only likrs girls?#eh whatever#im pretty sure im non binary#but i feel feminine sometimes#and masculine some other times#but i also feel pretty neutral most of the time#do i exist?#what is the meaning of life#what is the point#why am i like this#what is wrong with me#OMG A FUCKING CAT JUST WALKED BY
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I am trying Dark Deity but my mind got too excited to try the randomizing options, so now the main lord that is referred to as little brother in the prologue is Sloane, and I have a starting team of Adepts and Mages and most of my units have been knocked out with star reductions by Chapter 3 besides one tanky Mage (10 defense at level 3)
Should I just restart until I get a Cleric ? Or be logical and actually do a normal campaign before playing with the settings ?
Probably a hot (ice cold) take from someone who has /never/ used a randomizer:
I would recommend a base run first! Not even for the sake of classes handed to you, but for the fact I think it would make it more enjoyable to know the original context of a unit before blasting them to a randomizer. Also restarting until you get a starting cleric sounds agonizing.
A base campaign run let's you get more accustomed to the characters and mechanics and battle which would make (in my unexperienced opinion) characters in different roles more fun and you have thd gameplay experience to figure out how to handle situations better even if you don't have a cleric to start in a randomized.
#moe talks a lot#not art#im 99% sure i know who this is...#and if its not the same person who just went through and liked my datk deity art?#im wrong lol#maybe ill go back to this game.... i miss you garrick and i miss you eli#i miss you alden and i miss you cia .....#garrick wanting to know how far his dad can toss alden is peak opening dialogue#my pc wont pkay games from steam anymore so id have to download to my laptop...#but i think its still downloaded on my switch??
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I promised SeraPent art in that one weird analysis I did awhile ago, but I couldn't think of any poses I liked enough to make full pieces of, so all you're getting are these random ass, kinda crappy doodles I did awhile ago lol
I made a couple more but don't like them enough to post-
Also yes the 3rd one is a WOY reference I'm going INSANE-
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#Im for sure wrong abt these two. I am for SURE wrong.#wont stop me fROM DRAWING THEM THO LMAO#only time will tell wether I'm willing to go down with them or not#hazbin hotel#sera#hazbin sera#sir pentious#serapent#serapentious#pentsera#drawing#art#fanart
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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hey everyone, i'm taking some actions again. hoping the conses don't quence this time 🙏
#conscious choice to put off all my hw due saturday at 11:59 until saturday....🤡#was gonna try yesterday but had unexpected urgent fish errands to run then an appointment after work#and today i was just too tired#and tomorrow i have plans after work#so im gonna do all of it on saturday what could go wrong#surely it will be ok tho bc its a whole entire day and i have no other concrete plans#😅#but i only looked at one assignment agead of time and there's two due that day#and another one i probs wont have any other time to really work on so im hoping to knock that one put as well#but its a research project lol#and i haven't done the um. research lol#but also my textbooks still haven't arrived 😬#i have one in pdf but the other one just shipped today lol#anywhooo#the conses better not quence
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Honestly, knowing people who have substance addictions and comparing that to my relationship with self harm is predictable but unsettling
#Ive known its an addiction for years but like it really just is huh. This is just an addiction that I fell into#Tw sh#Tw self harm#I dont really know where im going with this but I fucking hope I get sepsis and die#I hate how much of a burden I am on other people lately especially my closest friends#But I know that if they left id die anyways#I hate that ive made them make this decision qnd I hate that theyve decided to stay#Ive been trying to slowly drive away some of my closer friends at least to a point where they wont notice/care if I die#I dont want to make it to sixteen#I know it was like this last time bht fuck I dont want to keep being alive I want this to be my last year#Ive done enough#tw sui ideation#I will never be able to safely function on my own without ending uo seriously hurting or killing myself#And I will never be able to rely on people without hating myself to the point of suicidality#Maybe if I thought they did it out of love rather than obligation it would be different but theyve made it clear enough#Im just a chore for them to deal with and set aside until I can actually take care of myself#Rationally I know im wrong I know im cared for but fuck. They sure dont like letting me see it#You can say you care for me thousands of times and its not gonna be worth shit when im in the ground#vent blog#vent post#shblur#tw self h4rm#self h@rm#Bro idk the shblr tags help
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