#im sure itll work out well
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pro tip: do not ask me to bake you something at or past 10pm because i *will* let the demons win. i put hot sauce in some of the macarons my mom is gonna bring to her white teacher luncheon possy and i cracked the eggs with my forehead instead of using the very obvious bowl in front of me. i am so full of spite rn. it's nearing 1am. i am leaving the mess there for her to clean up.
#my mom is not a bad person but i hate it so so much when i have to bake things for events that i dont give a flying fuck about#i am an angsty teenager who just happens to be really good at the culinary arts and it shows#by all means ask the gay little teen to do favors at the hours that make a person the most irritable#im sure itll work out well#vent#ish
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An excerpt from training for directed retrieves during my coffee break!
Directed retrieves are a really fun gundog exercise where a dog fetches multiple birds or bumpers in a sequence that you (the handler) ask. They can be marked retrieves (where the dog sees where the bumper fell) or blind retrieves (where the dog doesn't see the fall and you have to guide them with your voice and hands). I'm teaching this mostly as an enrichment activity, but it's an important piece for irl hunting retrievers to ensure birds aren't wasted in the field. I started teaching this exercise by throwing kibble in two different directions while she stood in a heel and then releasing her to them one at a time. This was our first try with directed retrieving of bumpers!
In this video I'm asking Rory to get into heel position (and rewarding that heavily because heel position = best place to be), asking her to stand steady while I throw two bumpers, and then directing her to pick up the first bumper I threw.
The duck bumper (the second one) is her preferred bumper so I chose to throw the paint roller to my left - when I put my hand out to line her up, it sort of blocks her view of the duck bumper so she's more likely to go to the one I want even though she likes the other one better.
Because this was the first time we practiced this exercise with bumpers, I wasn't looking for a perfect retrieve to hand - when I sent her to the duck bumper (not in the video), she dropped it at my feet instead of waiting for me to take it. That's no big deal, we can work towards a tighter retrieve after she gets more confident with the game.
We're going to keep practicing indoors for a while and once she's looking confident (and assuming things don't get too icy) we'll start working outside so we can build distance and speed.
I will also keep practicing lining her up (using my hand to guide her line) so we can start working on send-outs for blind retrieves and commitment to running out in a straight line! I have some ideas on how to use very small pieces of food to start this indoors and then we can move it outdoors in the spring.
She's doing awesome though! I'm really happy with her steadiness and her ability to think through puzzles. It's gonna be a fun winter working on these skills!
#dogblr#rory borealis#my face#bird dog training#steadiness training#retrieve training#at the very beginning of the video you can see her 'opt in' (tell me she's ready to start) by looking at the bumpers on the counter#it's a subtle communication from rory but important because it would have been more frustrating if i started when she wasnt ready#i had just woken her up from a nap because i wanted to work on this while i was waiting for my coffee to brew#i like how she is really understanding steadiness (dont move your feet)#and i was super happy with how well she committed (didnt glance away) once i lined her up#i shouldnt have rewarded her looking up at me before i lined her up because i dont want that#but i thought i was rewarding her standing still#ill time that better on the next rep#one minor issue im having is i always tap her head to release her from heel#and i cant do that if im using my left hand to line her up#im not sure if the correct direction is to fade my line or fade my tap#i think once i figure out which one to do itll build her confidence on the release#i think i want to keep the tap so i might practice lining her up and then moving my hand while she keeps commitment to the line#another piece to work on!#it's cool to see it broken down in tiny pieces tbh#this is an unrelated but adjacent rant:#yesterday on dogbook i saw a post that was asking for recs for high value treats because their dog lost interest#if they couldnt figure out the activity in 30 seconds#and it irks me because if your dog cant figure out what youre asking in 30 seconds#i think your activity is too hard and needs to be broken into smaller pieces#ESPECIALLY with an indepent thinker#sure some dogs will power through uncertainty and frustration but why are you asking them to#look inward and see how you can break it into smaller pieces#(it irks me because it is the exact problem and response i had with mav - live and learn and look back and all that)
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I'm glad the "Satire requires a clarity of purpose and target lest it be mistaken for and contribute to that which it intends to criticize" meme is getting critiqued in its usage because... While the sentiment itself is absolutely true... I feel like sometimes, perhaps, it's not a work of fiction's fault that you're personally bad at picking up on satire
#im thinking about how i saw a person say futurama is bad because bad things still exist in the future#and its like. thats the point though?#the joke is literally the idea that if we never learn and grow from these problems as a society these are the hyperbolic extremes#that they would come to etc etc#do i think it was all well handled? probably not. it had a 14 year run im sure it fumbled lots of stuff and has shit that doesnt hold up#but i feel like dismissing it entirely based on just-#''but bad stuff happens. and i want the future to be better so this bums me out'' is just dumb LOL like thats literally the point#theyre taking the problems of today and making them into crazy hyperbolic extremes to mock them THATS WHAT SATIRE IS#there is a clarity of purpose youre just bad at picking up on it. NIXON WAS THE FUCKING PRESIDENT IN THAT SHOW FOR CHRIST SAKE#WHAT ELSE DO YOU THINK ''AMERICA'S FAVORITE SUICIDE BOOTH SINCE ****2008****'' COULD MEAN?#idk. this site is bad media literacy r us why take it seriously. but i am. bc its frustrating#bc that quote on its own is sooooo good at explaining why some ''satire'' is bad and doesnt work#but ppl who dont know how to engage w media beyond a surface level have taken it and turned it into like#''this is bad bc i didnt get it'' ok. sounds like a you problem.#but posting this is scary bc im afraid itll be used for the other extreme .-.
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the mental struggle between seeing beloved mutuals share blatant lies unknowingly and wanting to say something but also absolutely Not wanting to get actually Involved in discourse ever again and also not having the brain power to even begin addressing it the way it deserves anyways
#origibberish#i need to stop automatically following back people who yell at me and then apologize when im like hey that was shitty#im always like well we worked it out and theyve demonstrated theyre open to actually Having Conversations and#admitting theyre wrong so surely itll be fine#and it certainly has gone fine some times but others ive been like. hm ok yeah the only thing you absorbed of what i said#was 'you were mean for no reason bc you misunderstood what i said'‚ you didnt do the next step of like#actually assessing the beliefs that made you lash out like that in the first place and if that misplaced anger was yknow#even more misplaced than you thought#or if even perhaps that anger had been deliberately cultivated and directed at people like me and you yelling at me#for something i didnt say was the whole point#idk it just sucks seeing posts shared on my dash with a dozen provable lies and then one thing that's entirely unprovable and speculative#and its like. based on the everything else they said im gonna go out on a limb and say that this maybe is also false#and just there to deliberately stir anger
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im still not over the sleep thing one sec i gotta rant about this shit
#i think the problem now is that historically my sleep habits have been Really Messed Up by what can loosely be called insomnia my whole life#its always kinda just been a given that if im in bed and i cant sleep there is absolutely nothing that can be done to help#and thats not for lack of trying i have tried every meditation and suggested solution possible. it does not happen.#if i cant fall asleep and try to force myself w/o distractions i will be awake staring at the ceiling for hours. usually till the morning#thats not an exaggeration it happened often before i gave up on it. so i figured out coping methods!#namely 1) making sure my body is taken care of as well as possible to make sure its not caused by pain or hunger or anxiety#and 2) not trying to force it and accepting itll happen when it happens. and then reading a book or watching a show on a dim screen#until i physically cant keep my eyes open and then i can fall asleep. if i try any earlier than that no dice. my brain wakes itself up again#these worked for years! but now thanks to adhd meds that actually make my brain quiet. uh. these same coping methods are. not working#im physically tired and start my usual routine and wait to pass out while reading but i just. dont. ever.#like. the physically tired feeling has never made a difference in my body cooperating with sleep. but now apparently it will????#and ive been ignoring it??? bc im used to it not working? i tried just. closing my eyes and trying to lay still yesterday and it WORKED#after like. 10 minutes or so. it was fucking crazy. i thought media and pop culture was lying about people doing that.#anyways. apparently i can fall asleep like a human and not some kind of weird chronically exhausted cryptid now.#(because of new adhd meds to be clear) but i havent been because i didnt even think to TRY it. since. yknow. cryptid status.#shits weird.
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it's time to work on the wiki. wish me luck.
#i need to AT LEAST get the gang's pages looking presentable#was trying out a new structure for den's page but im nnnnot sure how well itll work#as long as the fucking skills and abilities section is gone idc what the hell the layout is tbh#ada speaks#im pretty sure their bdays are all still listed as their actors' bdays which um. means dee's is glenn's (lmao.) i'm... gonna take a look
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...
#i have to drive to the big city tomorrow morning... which is...#itll b fine. ive done it multiple times before so itll b fine#but also everytime i have to drive somewhere im a sobbing mess bc its so scary#and i space out which is terrifying so i have to sing and talk to myself the whole time so my brain doesnt drift too far#and i dont kno how long i have to b there or if ill b able to find parking...#i just hate is so much. literally its not a far trip. if we have a fucking working train system there would b a train between our two#universities and it would b like 30min. such fucking bullshit. that would b incredible. i would actually b able to go places#fuck the lack of public train transportation. its stupid.#at least i was busy all day. its crazy how much less terrible my day is when im in a semi empty lab working with algae#hopefully i didnt kill the culture bc i had to transfer immediately after making media. i think it cooled enough but well see#fuck. i dont wanna drive. i should sleep so im not more insane tomorrow#its crazy how distorted i get abt driving. i will convince myself that my car is gonna like fall apart while im driving#and that im absolutely going to have an accident caused by me. so i get up like ok this is where it all ends#in a smear across the highway#oh god i have to get gas tomorrow too#thry recommended i get there at 9 but maybe ill get there 8.30 and just like sit in my car crying for half an hour#lol i turn up to the lab with tear stained cheeks like hey sorry if it seemed like i was resistant to coming down here. im very unwell ✌️#bleh. lets not think abt it. dont think just do. and pray i dont have to fucking go multiple days#my reward for success is no spring break bc a stressful project will begin this weekend#but im not even sure i have spring break bc im a lab tech so i think mayne thats not a loss? idk i dont kno#when im supposed to b working or not. it doesnt matter. my tine sheets r a lie#time sheets :-P#unrelated
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reminder 2 self to ask someone abt a chord progression im rlly struggling qith
#Everything Else Sounds Correct but qhen i try to play that chord it sounds way wrong#am i just playing it wrong??? has my guitar actually been outta tune this entire time. still doesnt explain everything else sounding righr#i cant really tune my guitar without using a (notoriously) finicky tuner because you know for sure i cant do that shit by ear#ive been a little frustratwd today!!! picking up many new things#dedicating So Much Time. and something i do wrong despite quadrupke checking things#3d modeling was going so well then geometry nodes were thrown in and suddenly i fucked it all up#so after. Hours. of that. gave up. watched a litle bit of a show. and went wait i need to strum a little on my guitar#maybe i can figure out the chords in this progression! WRONG#ive just been urgrgg. off today#rambles#not looking forward to tomorrow either. today was rough at work but itll be just me and someone else for the entire morning. so#uurgghhrgh. just gonna spin a nivyl til i pass out. it really really has been helping me sleep and find peace . makes me really happy#so hopin kt works its magic#because an endless cycle is confusing me#Grgrgg.#ok im good nlw
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my poor ocs constantly bullied by my brain
#im just bdbfdjbdfjbfgvbndsbjhdf#for some reason my brain is like. wanting to eviscerate all my dt ocs right now#even the ones i adore like michy and margo and juniper and charlie and vinnie#its decided they dont fit into the universe well enough and i want to beat them all up </3#incredibly unfortunate that this is happening while im trying to. draw some of them#im just mentally njbfnmfdm ripping their designs and stories to shreds and i feel bad . im so sorry guys my brain hates all of u rn#some of them feel too close to canon chars. some of them feel like they stick out too much in the world. some of their stories feel Stupidt#im mentally curbstomping them . im just throttling them and also myself diversity loss the gay people are getting their asses kicked#itll pass [hopefully] but im like straining so hard not to delete literally anything relating to them off the face of this earth#i forgot what my vent tag was. uh#bad ends#sure thatll work as one
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istg one of these days.......
#ya know that post thats like texting lesbians: its throw bowling balls down the stairs day u better be game#one of my fave posts ever in the world#anyway my lesbian flatmate texts like the straight female friend part of that post and i love her but its killing me#its endearing but its so hard not to read it as flirty stoppitttt im already dedicating so much work to repressing this little crush 😭#ALSO THAT POST THATS LIKE FLIRTING W GIRLS WILL HAVE U ADDING :3 TO UR TEXTS literally so true but I dont think she means it like that 😭😭#like she talks to everyone that way I remember when I first met her me + my ex spent ages trying to work out if she was gay#bc we were so sure she had a gay vibe but every text felt like it was pointing the other way..... the vindication when I found out she WAS#anyway my resolve weakens with every 😘 emoji like im already thinking abt it dont give me any more ideas !!!!#its not even embarrassing anymore like how am i supposed to exist near someone like her WITHOUT ever having a gay thought#so im not sorry if she sees this. i take rejection like a champ dont be shy#but genuinely tho i dont think shes interested shes just cute like that. and idw make things weird cuz we're still living together next yr#itd be suchh a pain if i made things awkward right when we need to find a place. and anyway my best case is our 3rd flatmates WORST#i wouldnt do that to him god forbid#buuuut...... nope ok enough of that im going back to bed its almost 1am#this is what HAPPENS when u have insomnia tuning into the crazy radio every night#need to get onto dating apps and find smth new to distract me before this gets out of hand....... buttttt i dont want to >:|#its ok my patience is infinite i like playing the long game. i was into my ex for 2 and a half years before i made any moves#i can wait this one out too either itll happen eventually or itll pass. we're good#ok thats GOODNIGHT from me if u read this far wow ur nosy arent u...... jk ily sleep well everyone#muah all round#.diaries
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RLY EXCITING STUFF i got to be on parttime tooth fairy duty for the first time ^_^
#the tooth fairy missed little mans tooth yesterday and the same thing happened last time so he was quite upset#so i covered really quickly and said that our old tooth fairy (her name was willow) had taken on an apprentice but she wasnt quite used#to the job yet. and then i helped my mom pick out ribbons and stuff 4 the note#a d im super excited to see his reaction :] bc i used to be so happy whenever we got notes from the tooth fairy#when i was little i would write notes like interrogating her sbt what it was like being a toothfairy#and lamp wasnt good at writing so i had to write all their notes as well#and ya. so im just happy that i get 2 do that 4 him#i actually DID THE DROP and then found out that the teeth just get thrown in the trash. HEARTBREAKING#my mom said 'everyone ive spoken to whose parents kept them said they were weirded out' but i wouldve een sooo ecstatic. i could make like a#tooth necklace or something itd be sick... so im keeping them for my kids and itll just depend on if they grow up normal or not i guess.#BUT YA. it was just rly funny and i also literally had a moment of realization after i asked my mom what to do with the tooth#where i was like I just wasnt sure its my first time being the tooth fairy so theres a lot to learn . and rhen i literally gasped and went#oh my god im the apprentice tooth fairy .#we named her ivy bc mine nd lamps toothfairy was named willow so we wanted another tree name#so we figured ivy would work well bc itll be easy for him to sound out and spell if he wants to write a note to her next time he loses a#tooth#im just excited. and hes finally back on a sleep schedule which is huge my parents dont rly enforce anything#but me and lamp worked a bit on getting him back on a schedule sonce school is back on#and he like pretty voluntarily went to bed at around 930#:] so im happy abt that.
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We did it boys we got our first game crash in oni 🎉
#rat rambles#oni posting#it's not even that far past cycle 300 yet my laptop just sucks ass#Ive made it further with more colonies and dupes before without a crash so I was a bit surprised at first#but also this is my first time coring out my starting planet so thats probably why#Im going to try to stick with this save as long as I can handle it but Im definitely not going to be able to make more colonies#or at least not any like active and populated ones#my current plan is to use my current dinky rocket to help me make a shit load of databanks and then research straight to the radbold engine#I've never rly worked with radbolts outside of research stuff so I thought it'd be a good experience to have#plus I usually use petroleum and well quite frankly I dont think I can do that rn#well I mean. I Could. but Id rly rather not until I can get my rocketry program set up properly#mainly because I rly don't wanna rely on the teleporters for my renovations of my teleport planet as I want at least a digger and a#scientist going over there and prefferably an extra dupe or two as well#theyd be there in atmo suits to activate the material transporters and dig into the oil biome and set up pipes and shit for the oil wells#and then Im going to transport the oil back to my home planet using the transporters and refine them there#then I can Finally get a gas range going and hopefully set up some extra generators#Im not sure if I want to use either full time yet but depending on how many oil wells there are Ill consider it#once I get all that set up then Ill probably start working towards setting up more farms so I can upgrade my food quality some more#and then grab jorge 👍#after that idk if Im super interested in doing too much more#I might do the rest of the story traits for funsies but other than that Im not sure if I can manage this world for long enough to get to#the real late game shit considering it's already chugging like hell rn#Ill probably have to deconstruct a bunch of latters and shit pretty soon to try to manage the lag better#and also sweep everything outside up even if itll take forever#Im at a good point where everything is rly stable eccept for my power gen#my power gen is currently perfectly acceptable and it will keep being good for a good while but its definitely not a permanent set up#I just dont have enough hatches and pips for my coal production to keep up and my pip ranch us become increasingly more and more of a issue#mainly because of how cold my base is and how annoying its been keeping the trees alive#another future issue I have to worry abt is my water tank overflowing#but thats a much easier problem to fix I just need to build a bigger tank
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hmm yeah in 2 weeks exactly from this moment i will be on a plane overseas for the first time ever in my life and i have put exactly zero thought into any of that like what i'm packing how i'm packing when i'm packing what i'm packing in how i'm getting to the airport what my next move is on a whole ass other continent after getting off the plane or even just. idk. general mental preparation. lmao.
i mean it's the uk and i am not solo traveling beyond the flight there so it's not that serious but fuck i have been head empty i can't even sort out getting a phone plan which i have exactly five days to do lmfaooo let alone all that. eugh. whatever. fuck it we ball mentality.
#shitpost.txt#i mean genuinely whatever im a pretty responsible lad and ill be in good hands#and ive done way wilder shit on much less#but im also an anxiety riddled beast who has bad experiences with said way wilder shit#silly ass situations i like to find myself in n my brain is fully developed now but eheheuhuheh#i do not enjoy the feeling of fuck it we ball big ass moves pertaining to such whacky goofball mode situations#i don't enjoy finding myself in a Situation in general but euhh ill be ok itll be good and fun and cool#and i will look back and be like man that was a silly situation huh glad i did it and it all worked out#but mmmmmmm :| hmmmmmmmmm#i sure do get myself into undeniable verified situations and not saying it's a bad thing#but I don't love a situation and I don't love my tendency to be like yeah that's fine i'm up for that @ a situation#unfortunately situations are good for u as a person and doing things outside ur comfort zone leads to good things too#and it's important to do stuff but AAAAAああああああああああああ#i agree to situations and then once im in them i have a hard time navigating them very well#and my life has a tendency for things to go a bit UH OHH just based on all previous examples#so it is hard to tell myself i'll do ok with it all
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this anthropology assignment is gonna kill me dead just from the stress
#field research that speaks to the literature we've read along the semester..#fascinating for sure and i know it doesn't have to be anything big specially since its literally anthropology 101 but HHHH#i can't think of ANYTHING and the classmate i paired up with keeps coming up w all the ideas and#she has more. idk. MATERIAL to research or at least i feel like thats true#and i need to keep up but i am too dumb for it#at least thats how i feel!!!! i feel like the biggest idiot especially for how i wanna back out and do a theorical work all by myself#which would also be possible i dont need a pair i just paired up w her because i was so nervous at how i couldn't think of anything#im addicted to stressing in a way she's not so i just seem like a really annoying coward rn . which i believe to be true#i am not strong enough for university if im gonna freak out at every challenge man i should drop out#<- dramatization#AGHHHGGGGHHH#i hope that me stressing out so much about it means that itll be alright and not too hard in the end#thats how things work of course. in my brain. enough stress and pessimism makes everything go well
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happypilled. yippeecore. lovemaxing.
#guy got out of his 24hour depression period =w=b i think.#who knew that going outside does these things to you???? wow.#sillyposting#now lets see how well it holds up at work later tonight o7#im sure itll be fineeee......
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i have been running all day long
#wind howls#woke up at 8:30 went to school at 10 until 7 pm got home at 8:30 played dnd worked on my miniature until 6 am and im#in bed now. my wrists in both hands are acting up really bad and im not sure i enjoy that. actually im pretty certain i dont enjoy that#im so tired. but im not done. my editing final is. mostly completed. i will just add more special effects on monday for a little pizzazz#however you spell that word.#i need to have my miniature almost completely finished. i need to buy the uhhh. plaster putty thing. for the walls. bricks#add the dirt. maybe find a miniature car so i dont have to mess up a really cute sleigh decoration for the sake of graded art.#add the fence.... and the trees. and the roof. paint the whole thang#at least the roof is just like. fake tiles. i can cut many of them at once and they wont take long to cut#aluminium foil for mounts. cover with papier mache. then dirt. maybe i shouldve done that before the fake grass. oh well !#what else. FUCK I HAVE TO MAKE A WHOLE ASS MOODBOARD. I HATE MOODBOARDS IM THROWING MYSELF OFF A CLIFF ACTUALLY#rather i hate having to Make moodboards. theyre cute and very useful and i know it but it is actual torture for me to make moodboards.#i hate them i hate them ourghg..... i have to make one i hate it....#ah shit i also have to make windows and the door for the miniature house. sigh#at least i have some foam cardboard left and now i know that itll be better to build those from that rather than sculpting w hot glue#on the bright side. hot glue scultping is wonderful for rough irregular but consistent patterns such as trees and its bark. that was fun#ive got my work cut out for me. the miniature comes first. should it come to it i can tackle the moodboard monday at the absolute LATEST#im not allowed to hand in anything late. so i have to plan out and calculate my time well. final projects need to be handed in#the teachers are kind in the regard that they encourage you to hand in something incomplete than late. late is 0. nothing is 0.#incomplete is not 0. its not Good. but its more than 0#(not to mention a 0 on the final project is an automatic failure of the entire class even if your grade is passing without the final)#anyway. ive gone on for long enough. im tired. goodnight
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