#im stuck on season 6 again

[winpocalypse]

soooo

i originally stopped watching spn right about s6 and kinda kept a distance until............ this one peaceful july afternoon where i decided to put on the pilot to fall asleep to

fastfoward to today when im doing a sideblog, something i havent used on tumblr.com since i joined 12 years ago

because of brother fuckers

bless

[whenlilyfallsinlove]

not anymore.

luke castellan x reader - college au, only one bed, enemies to lovers.

im back!! sorry for being afk, ive had lots of exams!

"oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me." you hear luke say as you drag your suitcase into the room.

you rolled your eyes at the sound of his voice, already mad as it was. this was supposed to be a fun weekend: your college has organised a trip for students to go to new york, which you had been excited for.

the trip was off to a great start - you and your friend clarisse had explored the city where you had eaten the best bagel in your entire life.

your happiness, however, was short-lived.

"I'M SHARING WITH WHO?!" your voice echoed through the hotel lobby, causing clarisse to nudge you.

"luke. apparently." clarisse says, almost amused.

"that can't be right. how is this even allowed?" you frown.

"well you're adults, so you're probably trusted-" she starts but you cut her off.

"i can not share a room with him clarisse, i fucking despise him." you groan. you had hated luke since kindergaten and he hated you. that was the way it had always been.

"it's only two nights." she tries to comfort you.

"ONLY TWO NIGHTS, THAT'S TWO NIGHTS TOO MANY." you despised him. he was the bane of your existence.

"you think I want to be sharing a room with someone as stupid as you?" a new voice came from behind you, you turned round to see luke stood, glaring at you. next to him was chris, who waved at clarisse.

"i'm way smarter than you. i have every right to complain." you glare back.

"oh, do you even hear yourself right now? you sound ridiculous." he replies.

"literally shut up, your opinion is irrelevant to me." you say.

"you're so fucking annoying oh my god." luke groans.

"i'm annoying?! you're the one who-"

you continued to bicker, completely forgetting your surroundings. chris and clarisse shared knowing looks with each other, the two of you claimed that you hated each other, sure. but the tension between the two of you was unmatched.

"hey.." clarisse says, dragging your attention from luke "at least there'll be two beds, you can just ignore each other."

this put a smile back on your face.

"thank fuck.." you say and the two of you begin to walk up to your respective rooms.

"what is it-" you were about to come out with some form of insult until you realised what his reaction was for.

there, in front of you, was your hotel room. with only one bed.

"are you taking the piss?" you let out an exasperated sigh.

"i think i'm going to die." luke groans.

"oh shut up, go see if we can change rooms." you remark.

"why can't you?" he responds.

"because i can't be bothered to come up all those stairs again" you respond, rolling your eyes like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"you're so lazy." he replies.

"are you gonna do it then or what?" you put your hands on your hips.

"fuck yes." luke replies, and leaves the room.

when he is gone, you let yourself fall onto the bed and groan. this could only ever happen to you. having to stay in a room with the boy you've hated since the age of 6 was one thing, but sharing a bed with him? even worse. you wish you had never come on this stupid trip. then you'd be at home, no luke, curled up in bed, watching the new season of bridgerton. was it too late to-

your thoughts were interrupted by the return of luke, who looked as if he was going to kill you for even breathing near him.

"well?!" you stand.

"there's no other rooms. this is the only one, we have to wait till tomorrow." he frowns.

"oh for the love of god." you say, putting your head in your hands.

"yeah. that's how i feel right now. stuck in a room with a freak." luke says.

"i hate you." you glare at him.

"the feeling is mutual." he glares back.

"you're such a dick."

"only because you are the most annoying person on earth."

"fuck this, i'm having a shower." you grab your pjamas and make your way too the bathroom.

"be quick. i want one." luke calls out.

"i want, doesn't get." you stick your tongue out at him.

"what are you.. eight?" he glares.

you flip him off and shut the door, locking it, and get in the shower.

the hot water calmed your anger, as you tried to take as long as possible. maybe you should try and drown yourself? i mean it would get you out of this situation. that was what you needed.

you continued to ponder the logistics with this until you realised your skin had gone a bit wrinkly from being in there for too long. you got out, dried yourself, and put your pjamas on. you regret how little you brought. the heat was stifling, so you had only brought some shorts and a small crop top. in your defence, you thought you'd be sharing with clarisse.

you opened the door, and walked out the bathroom, luke was layed on the bed, on his phone.

"fucking finally, are you done in the bathroom yet, you took-" he blinks, stopping once he sees what you are wearing.

"oh shut up. i'm done." you glare.

luke nods awkwardly - what the fuck was up with him? - his gaze lingering on your figure. he clears his throat.

"uh yeah. um good." he finally responds standing up.

"the fuck is up with you?" you give him a funny look.

"nothing weirdo." he snaps out of it, and makes his way to have a shower over his own.

you frown at his reaction - why was he being so weird. you shake your head, and get into bed, laying on the edge, and go on your phone.

after about fifteen minutes, luke responds and gets into the other side of the bed.

you lay in silence for about fifteen minutes, both not knowing what to say.

"you still awake?" luke asks you, turning over to look at you,

"why wouldn't i be?" you retort.

"it was just a question.. why are you always so hostile?!"

"because you annoy the living daylight out of me."

"you can't even look at me when you say that." he smirks.

he was right, your back was still turned. you roll your eyes but turn so you are facing him.

"yes i can. you annoy the living daylight out of me." you say looking into his eyes.

his eyes.. were they always this pretty? what was up with you? it was luke. LUKE.

"i know i do." he smirks, looking into your eyes.

you feel flustered. the two of you go quiet for a minute until luke breaks the silence.

"why do you even hate me anyway?" he asks.

"because you anger me." you respond.

"but why?"

"do you not remember when you pushed me off my bike when we were 6?"

"oh yeah. that was so funny." he smiles at the memory.

"no it wasn't." you retort.

"it was." he looks at you again.

the two of you go silent again. what was happening to you? was luke moving closer or was it just you? no he definitely was. was he leaning in-

"turn the light off. i'm tired." luke suddenly demands, catching you off guars. you immediately move away from him.

"um no? i'm not tired." you respond back. you weren't crazy.. you swear you had just had a moment with him.

"do i care?" he asks, avoiding eye contact with him

"i'm not doing it." you retort, rolling you eyes.

"fine. i'll do it." he gets up and turn the light off, leaving just the lamp on the corner on.

"oh you are so irritating." you glare, looking up at him.

"whatever, just go to sleep, we have to meet early tomorrow." he responds and gets into bed, turning his back away from you.

you mock him whilst his back is turned, and turn away yourself.

how were you supposed to get to sleep? you swear you were about to.. i don't know.. kiss luke. your mortal enemy.. except not really. you knew for sure he was right back to being the same old luke as before.

you frown and lay there for about ten minutes, trying to fall asleep.

"(y/n).. i'm.. sorry." you hear luke mutter, next to you. luke had NEVER apologised to you before. EVER. but you were still mad.

"go to sleep." you repeat what luke said to you. you were petty, what can you say?"

"i can't." he responds, making you roll your eyes.

"you can't?! you literally said you were tired." you say.

"how in the hell do you expect me to sleep when you're right there and i can't stop thinking about you?" he raises his voice, catching you off guard.

what. the. fuck. what did he mean. what.

you turn over, to see luke already staring at you.

"what.." you feel your breath hitching in your throat as you see luke already looking at you.

"you're the bane of my existence. i hate you. you get under my skin. but fuck.. why do you have to be so beautiful?" he says, looking into your eyes.

"luke.." you mutter.

"i can't hold back any longer, (y/n), i can't keep pretending i don't l-"

you interrupt him by crashing your lips onto him, kissing him hungrily. luke happily returns the kiss, wrapping his arm round your waist.

after about ten seconds, you pull away.

"i'm sorry, i shouldn't have-" you aplogise.

"don't be sorry. i liked it." he replies, making you smile.

well one thing was now certain for sure. you definitely didn't hate each other anymore.

[hiddenzev]

Take A Shot : Chapter 1 [ Kick Off ]

Pairing: Joel Miller x soccer player f!reader

Chapter Summary: You return to your hometown where your history with Joel started.

Chapter Warnings --- no beta, fluff, light angst, Idiots in Love, childhood friends

WC: 7.7k

series masterlist, AO3

A/N: Finally another fic is out! I've been busyyy and I know this is not going to be a consistent updating as my previous fic but I will try my best because this was more fun to write. Also, my favourite football (soccer) team is not performing well since a few weeks ago and it's been depressing yall...im not okay...fuckkk Hope yall enjoy this one even tho yall may not be soccer fans.

— May 2024 —

"Dad! Let's go!" 

9-year-old Sarah stood by the truck, waiting for her dad to get out of the house. She tapped her foot restlessly, annoyed that Joel was taking longer than expected to get ready to go. She was excited to watch her favourite soccer team, Austin Violet Football Club, play the first game of the new season. She was dressed in the home jersey and shorts, pairing them with the team's scarf around her neck, hair styled as space buns with the help of Joel. The club director invited her to watch the game after signing a 2-year contract for the Austin Violet Football Academy—a part of the Austin Violet FC consisting of both men and women. 

Sarah was an aspiring soccer player. She fell in love with the game at 6, when her great-grandmother played it on TV while she was babysitting her. Since then, she had been going on and on about soccer, and Joel signed her up for a youth soccer club nearby that honed her soccer skills to be selected for Austin Violet Football Academy. It was the most ecstatic she had ever felt in her 9 years of a lifetime when Joel told her that she was selected to join the youth academy. Nothing could compare to the endearment in his heart when he witnessed Sarah explode with joy. 

"The game ain't going nowhere, baby girl. We still got time." Joel said over his shoulder as he locked the door. 

Sarah groaned loudly, exasperated, seeing her dad taking the whole time in the world as if he were doing it intentionally. Her shoulders slumped forward, the AVFC scarf around her neck swaying slightly at both ends to her movement. With keys dangling in his hand, he opened the passenger door for Sarah, and she side-eyed him before climbing into her seat, complaining under her breath. Joel sighed heavily, having to deal with her daughter's attitude again. 

-----

The Violet Crown Football Stadium was almost packed with thousands of supporters from the home and away teams. Everyone was hyped with the anticipation of the first game, chanting endlessly, as loud as they could. The setting sun painted the field orange mixed with the green grass, blanketing it with warmth. The smell of summer is swaying to the beat of the surrounding air. Sarah looked around in awe, watching the fans around her cheering for the team. She could not help the smile appearing on her face as she immersed herself in the moment. 

They were seated in the suites section, which was where other VIPs, players not in the squad, players' family members, or other relevant individuals were seated. The suites were at the middle level, where the game could be clearly viewed. While Sarah was busy scanning everything around her, Joel was on his phone, talking to Tommy about work.

Even though Joel was supportive of her passion for soccer, he did not take the time to be fully invested in AVFC. He knew the rules of the game and only of her favourite player at the time, Kiara King, the striker for Austin Violet women's team. He supported the team in his own way. Without Sarah's love for soccer, he would not have watched soccer but be indulged in baseball instead. There were underlying emotions and memories stuck deep inside him that he did not want to resurface again whenever soccer came to mind.

"Enough about work; Sarah must be real excited about the game," Tommy said.

"Tell me about it," Joel sighed. "She was rushing me until we got in the stadium today." 

Joel turned his head to look at Sarah, whose eyes were sparkling with admiration as she watched the players walk out of the tunnel. The whole stadium roared with claps and howling cheers. It was getting harder to hear Tommy through the phone, with the loud noises filling the stadium. 

"I know you don't follow the team that much but they signed a new player at the end of the summer break," Tommy updated him with the news.

"Oh, really?" Joel said in a disinterested voice as he looked down on the field. Due to the distance, he could not see the players' faces.

The display screen started to show each player of the home team while the announcer introduced them one by one, starting with the goalkeeper and slowly progressing to the attackers. The stadium erupted with cheers for each of the players that had been introduced.

"You won't believe who their new signing is," Tommy's voice sounded distorted in Joel's ear.

"I'll call you back later! I cannot hear you right now! The game is starting already. Bye!" Joel shouted into his phone before ending the call without waiting for Tommy's response.

Sarah stood in her seat, jumping up and down, shouting excitedly with the rest of the supporters while Joel stared at her lovingly. The announcer started to announce the midfielders and the name he had long forgotten blasted through the stadium speakers, catching his attention back to the screen and confirming his doubts. 

There you were, waving to the crowd that welcomed you with big arms and a smile on your face. The smile that played a significant role in his childhood was now back in town. He was confused with the longing he did not expect to feel as he looked at you, guilt on his face. Suddenly, the noises around the stadium died down—muffled in his ears—the long lost memories with you that he continuously tried to lock away flooded his head. He could not erase the image of you, eyes brimming with tears as you turned to leave him 12 years ago. Out of his life. Now, you were back to haunt him.

"Dad! Look! She's wearing my number!" Sarah shook him out of his thoughts, pointing at your jersey number—20–the same as her birthdate. 

What kind of a sick game is the universe playing with him, seeing the coincidence of you wearing Sarah's favourite number on your back.

-----

23 years ago, your family moved from Dallas to Austin due to your father's job, and moving into a new home brought you a lot of emotions. You were excited to live somewhere new but also sad to be unable to be with your friends anymore.

It was the first day of school. You were sitting at your table, waiting for someone to sit beside you as your table partner. The kids in the class looked wary as they came in, not knowing what to expect for the first day. A few kids had reddish eyes because they were crying and were not emotionally ready for 1st grade. You were not one of them. 

Your father had already trained you to be tough from the get-go. He was teaching you soccer right when you started learning to walk. Little did you know, he did it to live his dream through yours. He was the definition of tough love. He did not go easy on you during his home training. Sometimes, losing his patience, hurling insults and hitting you, but you took everything like a champ because if not, the anger in him would be thrown toward your mom. 

Growing up, you witnessed the treatment that your mom got from him. You got in between them most of the time, wrapping your body around your mom to protect her, but what can a small and frail kid like you could do compared to the tall and big figure of your father? 

"Hi! I'm Joel. What's your name?"

A voice beside you brought your mind back to the classroom. You turned your head to find a boy with a smile that could light the whole classroom brighter than it already was. His hand is out towards you, expecting a handshake.

"Hi, Joel." You replied, taking his hand as you gave him your name.

"That's a pretty name," he said, his dimples on display as he smiled, which rendered you speechless. Your heart stopped for a beat at that moment, and it felt very strange because it was the first time you had felt that way, especially by a boy. 

"Thank you." You thanked him with a shy smile sent his way. 

From then on, the two of you were inseparable. He followed you everywhere you went, and you did not mind him at all, enjoying his company. He talked to you about everything, be it his favourite TV show, his favourite animal, or even his embarrassing moments. He was not afraid to tell you about his grandma, who was taking care of him and his baby brother once his mom left after their dad's death the previous year.

You saw his forlorn eyes as he told you the story. You empathised with the amount of hurt in his voice as you listened. In return, you confided in him about your parents. About how strict your father was towards you and how it pained you to see your mother's suffering, not being able to stand up for herself. 

You were surprised when he pressed himself against you, arms circling your body. He was hugging you, and you learned that it was his way of comforting not just you but himself as well.

The two of you bonded through the traumas and the amount of time you spent together during and after school. Although, most days after school, you couldn't play with him and the other neighbourhood kids due to your father's intense training sessions, he always filled you in on the things you missed. He always welcomed you like no other kid does. He did not judge you because of the circumstances that you were living in. 

Even though he lived at the other end of the street, he would cycle past your house just to see how your training was going in your front yard. Your father had noticed him cycling past a couple of times, but he did not say a word; he only sent his hardened glares towards Joel, which the brave 7-year-old did not cower away from.

There were times when you got distracted by Joel, which resulted in you receiving harsh punishments for not focusing on your training. Tears formed in your eyes from the pain in your body whilst you carried on with the punishments, but that didn't stop you from secretly waving at Joel as he passed by, smiling at you. 

On days without training, you joined Joel and the other kids cycling and exploring the neighbourhood. Not afraid to get dirty, you found yourself rolling around in the grass field as you looked at the boys who were playing fights or flying kites. Joel never left your side—always making sure you were taken care of, not wanting you to get in trouble with your father if you got injured while messing around. 

Sometimes, he can be too much about the little things—constantly wiping dirt off your face and other parts of your body as if you are not used to it, trying to carry you when you were perfectly fine with walking, or even worse, covering your ears whenever the boys said a bad word which didn't even come close to what you have already heard from your father. You were an independent kid, so you were annoyed when Joel started to treat you like a baby, but you didn't call him out on it, knowing that was just his big brother instincts. 

You shared everything about school with your mom whenever you reached home. It was the only time you could comfortably talk with her without Dad's presence in the house. She would coo when you told her about the things Joel did for you, finding it sweet that there's a kind boy out there taking care of you. You complained to her about how Joel was treating you like a baby, thinking she would take your side, but you found her laughing softly at your annoyance. 

"I like Joel. He sounds like a good friend, " your mom said softly, caressing your head.

"He is." You nodded your head, looking at her with your big round eyes.

"I'm happy you found a good friend, bubba." She kisses the crown of your head, lips lingering there for a while.

"He found me first, mama." You innocently corrected her, and she just smiled to herself, hugging you tight.

-----

— June 2024 —

Players were lined up in the tunnel, getting ready to get out to the field for the match. According to the positions you play, you were standing in the middle of your team's line, shaking your limbs to rid the nerves away. Each player was allocated a child mascot to walk to the field. There was a girl around the height of your chest, standing beside you. You noticed her staring at you with admiration in her big, round eyes. You instinctively smiled as you bent down to meet her eyes. 

"Hi! What's your name?" you asked her in a higher-pitched voice, similar to that you used when talking to kids. 

"Sarah," She meekly replied with a bashful smile, still maintaining eye contact with you.

Her smile reminded you of someone, but you could not put a face on it. You ignored the thoughts of her looking familiar to you for some reason.

"Is this your first time being a mascot?" 

"Yes," Biting her lip out of being scared. 

"You don't have to be nervous, okay? You got me." You reassured her, seeing how nervous she looked. 

She nodded her head slowly, trusting you with your words.

"I like your hair, Sarah. It's pretty." Pointing at her space buns as you compliment her, trying to distract her from her overwhelming feelings. 

"Thank you. My dad helped me with it." Her eyes widened. She tilted her head towards you to show the work of art her father had created. 

"Your dad?! Wow! He did a pretty good job." Your smile grew wider, and you adored how she was bragging about it. 

The image of your father crept up in your mind. You cannot help but compare your father to hers. From just hearing that Sarah's father did her hair, you knew that he must be a wonderful dad to her. He definitely adores her so much, even to master the hairstyles for his daughter. 

Meanwhile, your father was still psychologically and emotionally abusing you at 30. You were glad to be able to make it to pro, leaving the house, away from his grasp. He will call you after every game—whether your team loses or wins—he will criticise your mistakes. Not once has he said that he was happy and proud of you despite your achievements. After some time, you don't even expect or want to hear that from him. There were times you purposefully ignored his calls, but a few hours later, your mom would be calling as she sobbed, begging you to just listen to what he had to say. 

After you left Austin at 18, you told your mom that you would do whatever it took to let her be free from your father. However, she insisted that she loved him too much and could not bear to leave him alone, knowing he would suffer from the fallout. You get that he is the love of her life, but it hurts so much to see the relationship infested with so much toxicity that she thinks it's better to hold on to it instead of letting go. 

"Does your dad do your hair, too?" Sarah pointed at your hair, which you had braided.

"No, I did it myself. Is it nice?" You let her touch your hair as you answered her.

"It's so beautiful!" She adoringly exclaimed.

"Aw, thank you!" 

You heard the shuffling of the players at the front of the line, starting to move out of the tunnel. 

You held out your hand for Sarah to take. "Are you ready to make your dad proud?" You raised your eyebrows expectantly.

She nodded her head vigorously, moving along by your side. The cheering slowly got louder as you walked out, and when you finally stepped into the field, you felt Sarah's hand gripping you tighter. You placed your other hand on hers, caging her hand between both of yours to let her know that you were there with her. You know it's not easy for a kid to walk out to a full stadium that is overwhelming with shouting and cheering. 

Eventually, everyone was lined up perfectly, side by side, facing the cameras. The children were standing in front of the players, and you placed your hands on Sarah's shoulders, ensuring she was okay. You noticed her looking up towards the suites section when you followed her gaze. She was probably looking at her father, you thought. However, there were so many faces everywhere that you could not search for and focus on just one person. Hell, you did not even know what her father looked like. 

After shaking hands with the opponent team, Sarah and the other kids had to return to the tunnel. Before she went off, she turned to hug you.

"Thank you!" she said while her cheek was pressed in your chest. Her eyes closed as she embraced the moment. You wrapped your arms around her shoulders, swaying her from side to side. 

"Well, aren't you our lucky charm? Just watch because we're gonna win this game for sure."

She grinned from ear to ear, slowly letting go of you. Ugh, it's annoying that she looked so much like someone you know, but you don't know who exactly it was. 

"See you around, you lil angel" You pinched her cheeks before returning to your starting position.

Sarah must have been your lucky charm because your team won that game. Since then, she has always been in your mind whenever you stand in the tunnel before a game. She had quite an impact on you. You never figured out why she looked familiar to you until the day you met her again.

-----

Joel and Sarah were walking hand in hand through the hospital corridor, the unmistakable sterile scent present in the space weighing heavily on their shoulders. The floor was quieter than usual—visiting hours were finishing in a few hours. Sarah was still in her soccer fit from earlier training while her bag was swaying along on Joel's shoulder. Trudging into the wardroom at the end of the hall, Joel let go of Sarah's hand, who ran inside as soon as she saw her great grandma, Nana.

"Nana!" She shouted, rushing towards the bed. 

"Look who it is! My bunny!" Nana excitedly opened her arms, waiting for Sarah's hug.

They stayed embracing each other for a period of time—Sarah pressed her cheek on Nana's shoulder while Nana slowly stroked the back of Sarah's head. Joel witnessed the moment that had been a usual occurrence for him recently.

The first time when he got the call from Tommy on the day Nana was admitted to the hospital, he had almost forgotten how to breathe. His stomach plummeted to the ground-hearing the trembling in Tommy's voice saying Nana could have died if he had been late to come back home from work. He did not know how he got to the hospital with Sarah when his head was clouded with worry. He carried Sarah on his back when they got out of the car and went inside as fast as possible.

It was as if someone had ripped his heart out and left him to bleed out alone when his gaze landed on Nana's lying form on the bed with tubes sticking to her body. Nana was his grandma who literally raised both of the Miller brothers—single-handedly—after her daughter left them in her care. So, to see the person who was very dear to him go through something that horrible—heart failure—altered something deep in him for a while. 

It had been a week since she was admitted, and Joel was still processing that. This was the second time she had to go to the hospital because her condition seemed to worsen over time. He knew he had to prepare for the worst scenario sooner or later, but he was still in denial about it all—he didn't want to let go of his constant. In a way, he didn't want to face his abandonment issues from the women in his life—his mom, you and Talia.

"How are you, Nana?" 

"Never been better." Nana gave Sarah a cheeky wink.

"I saw you on TV yesterday. I'm so proud of you, bunny." Nana leaned in to kiss Sarah on the crown of her head. 

"Did you see her? She was standing with me." Sarah was elated to share her experience as a child mascot with you.

"I did! Did you talk to her?" Nana asked.

"She was so nice, Nana. I like her. I think she's my favourite player now." Sarah's eyes were dreamy as she gushed about you to her great-grandma.

"C'mon now, you change your favourite player every month." Nana's voice was flat as she rolled her eyes jokingly at Sarah

"No I don't," Sarah argued, lying through her teeth. Nana was speaking the truth. Sarah changed her favourite player almost every month according to her mood, but this time it was different. To be physically in the presence of the team and the good impression that you made on her struck a chord in her to choose you as her number one player no matter what.

"Whatever you say, bunny." 

Joel was already sitting beside the bed, listening to his daughter talk about his childhood best friend. For the past 12 years, he had reflected on what had happened throughout high school. It was a terrible experience for him when he looked back on it—chasing popularity, peer pressure, toxic masculinity, and, for the worst part, leaving you alone in your misery when you needed him the most. His apology was long overdue, and he thought he had already lost the chance to speak to you until you returned.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Nana lowered her voice, which made Sarah lean in slightly, curious about the secret. "I've met her as a kid before." This fact made Sarah part her lips in shock, and her eyebrows shot up fast to her forehead. 

"Really?" Sarah's voice was barely louder than a whisper while she stared at Nana.

"Nana—"Joel spoke for the first time to interrupt Nana. He was slightly afraid to let his past and current life crash, not knowing how to handle it if it came to light. 

"She is a friend of your father." Nana ignored his warning and continued to tell Sarah the facts about the past.

"She is? You didn't tell me."  Sarah swiftly turned around to Joel, furrowing her brows, feeling slightly betrayed that her father had known you personally all this while and kept it a secret. 

Joel gave Nana an annoyed look, disappointed that she told Sarah about his connection with you. His jaw tensed before he opened his mouth to explain himself.

"That was a long time ago. We are not friends anymore." That was the best he could say, and he could tell from Nana's expression that she was disappointed in him as she recalled the time she had heard what had happened to you. 

"What happened?" Sarah questioned him, paying full attention to him, hearing the story for the first time.

"She left Austin to play professional soccer, and we didn't talk anymore." He shrugged his shoulders as he explained to Sarah in the simplest terms. If it was laid out on the table, the truth was that he fucked up. He did not want Sarah to know that because he wouldn't be able to handle his daughter's disappointment in him. 

"Was she a nice person back then, too?" Her big round eyes were still lit with curiosity as she learned new facts about her favourite player.

Joel reminisced about the time he spent knowing you with a longing look in his face. His eyes looked out the window by the bed, absentmindedly, as your face came into his mind, hitting him with all kinds of emotions. Your petite hands were in his as the two of you walked together after school, the soft glow on your face from the warm sunlight and your hair flowing tenderly with the breeze. 

"She was," he whispered. A slight curl on one side of his mouth appeared that was not unnoticed by Nana. She had been holding on to the hope that the both of you would make amends someday, and it warmed her heart that the time had finally come closer for it. She missed you a lot. You were like her granddaughter that she never had, not like her mischievous grandsons that gave her headaches. You brought a different kind of joy to her life, and when you told her that you had to leave, both of you were crying in each other's arms. She knew she did not have much time left in this world, and she hoped it wouldn’t be too late to see you again.

-----

— July 2024 —

"You know the drill, right? Just interact with the kids. Watch how they play, give them some advice, and remember to smile. The cameras will follow you around during the shoot." The team's social media manager, Emma, briefed you again as you came into the facility centre to prepare yourself for the shoot.

Filming with kids has always been your favourite. It allows you to stay in touch with your roots and serves as a reminder that there are kids who look up to you, so you have to always set a good example for them. 

"I heard that their parents are here too?" You looked at Emma for confirmation.

"Yes. They are sitting in the stands. It will be a surprise appearance for them as well. After the filming, you will take pictures with the players and their families. Got it?"

"Okay, got it."

You got mic'd up while the filming crew settled everything else. Once they were set, you moved quietly to the training field where the young academy players were having a small match amongst themselves. It stroked a sense of nostalgia in you, seeing them running and kicking with their little limbs. Your heart warmed with the memories of you being in a young girl's team, dreaming of being a soccer star.

You heard some murmuring when you walked past the stands where the parents were, but your focus was fixed on the young players. Walking faster as you neared the sideline, one of the girls spotted you and squealed, causing them to stop their actions. 

You continued walking towards where the coaches were standing, trying to hide the excitement on your face.

Some of them gasped, covering their mouths, not believing that the first team player had come to watch them. 

"Come on, girls! Keep playing!" You clapped your hands, signalling to them to continue playing. 

They looked at each other with smiles still stuck on their faces as they slowly moved their bodies again.

You shook hands with the academy team coaches and manager, who were also glad to see you. They talked to you about the players and the drills they went through, so you got the gist of how they ran things. You did a quick scan of all the players, and one of them stood up to you. That player was Sarah. It had been a few weeks since you met her, and you thought about her more than you know. You were enamoured by her innocence that you don't experience in your daily adult life. Wearing the same hairstyle, the blurry mystery face you cannot put together to match her face appeared in your head. 

Sarah was playing as the right winger. You were impressed with her movements, especially for someone that young. Both of her feet were well balanced; one leg was not significantly stronger than the other, which meant that she had more of an advantage in her dribbling skills. Her focus on the ball once she got the ball controlled was unwavering, and she was not afraid to take her chances at shooting. You saw the massive potential of a player in her and hoped to see her grow as time went by.

As the game continued, you tried your best to watch the other girls, but your eyes followed Sarah. Compared to the rest, she was significantly versatile—being able to defend as well as her attacking skills. Unbeknownst to you, she was slowly gaining your heart even though you had only met her once.

After the game ended, the girls sat together for debriefing; exhaustion was evident on their faces flushed, strands of hair sticking to their sweaty faces, and eyes fixed on the grass below them. The team's manager and coaches said a few words before letting you take the stage. When it was your turn, the girls turned their heads to you as if they forgot you were there momentarily. Having their full attention, you started talking.

"What do y'all feel about the game?" You asked them. 

"Bad." One of the players in the front spoke up, and you later found out that her name was Ellie. 

"Why do you feel that way?" You raised an eyebrow at her, not expecting the quick acknowledgement of your question. 

"Because Sarah overtook me a few times, and that means I sucked at defending today." Her eyebrows furrowed as she explained—displeased with her own mistakes. 

"We all make mistakes sometimes; of course, we feel disappointed when they happen. Even a professional player—like me—makes them. But the mistake is what make us strive to be better. We reflect on it and improve from there." You explained to all of them.

 "And the fact that you are aware of your own mistakes tells me that you are one step closer to being a better player than you were before." You smiled reassuringly to Ellie, liking her boldness in speaking her mind. 

It's ironic that when you were around their age, you were very critical of your own performance—beating yourself up over something so small because you knew your father would never let it go. You never come around to look at things positively until you meet the other professional players—who became your good friends—during your career. 

"Now, tell me what you did good in the game?" You squatted down to be at the same eye level as Ellie. 

Ellie opened her mouth but closed it instantly, unable to think of an answer. Her eyes darting around, away from making eye contact with you. 

"You've had a couple of good long passes to the forwards, and your tackling form is pretty great,"

"Really?" She said softly—not believing what you said. 

"Absolutely! Why would I lie?" Cocking your head to the side, with one brow raised. 

Her cheeks raised slightly, tugging the corners of her mouth into a small smile that she tried to hide from you. 

You spent another 20 minutes answering the girls' questions—how you first started soccer, how you recovered from your bad injury, and even what boots you wore for your games. You took a group photo together before they dispersed to their parents, waiting for you to take pictures with each family. 

You were already halfway done with the team when you spotted Sarah among those in the queue, and you noticed two men standing by her, but it was a quick glance before you were able to take a long look at their faces. The line of players you were taking photos with kept moving slowly as you took your time to get to know each of them properly. 

Once you said goodbye to one of the girls, you saw a small figure rushing towards you in the corner of your eyes. As soon as you turned back around, you felt a pair of arms encasing your waist. You looked down and recognised the same space buns that Sarah had when she was one of the child mascots. She looked up at you, chin resting on your stomach while she portrayed a big grin. You cannot help the adoration that came into view on your face while you hugged her back. 

"Hi, lil angel!" 

"You remember me!" She looked with a mix of surprise and joy on her face.

"How could I forget our lucky charm with this pretty face?" Sarah stared at you with her big, round eyes sparkling with so much admiration that you almost felt guilty for being the subject of that look.

Her grip on you loosened when she turned around, gesturing for-you assumed-her family members to come closer.

"Come and say hi!" She moved away from you to let the two men near you.

Maybe it's the athlete in you that made your eyes move towards their physique first. You noticed they were both almost the same height, taller than you by a couple of inches. Their toned muscles, which were on display for you, seemed to be earned from hard labour instead of the gym. Catching you, scanning their bodies, one of them cleared their throat, making you shift your focus towards him. 

He looked way younger than you—clean-shaven with curly, medium-length hair, passing his ears. You sensed that he had an easygoing and friendly demeanour when he introduced himself.

"Hey, how r' ya?" He sounded nervous but still was able to confidently reach out to shake your hand, with an unexplainable look on his face. 

You returned the handshake with, "Hi, nice to meet you." You cocked your head slightly to the side, sensing the weird awkwardness coming from him. 

You pulled back and looked at him for a moment before glancing at the other man who was standing beside him. You had to do a double take when your gaze landed on that man for a few seconds longer. Your heart suddenly picked up its speed from the recognition. Unexpectedly, a face vaguely reminiscent of your time back in Austin was here. 

Joel fucking Miller—the reason for your happiness in Austin, but he was also the one that injected bitterness in your heart in the last few years in it. 

His face was different than the one you tried to erase 12 years ago, to no avail; you didn't succeed. Time clearly had worn out his face a little bit—the clean-shaven face back then had been filled with scruffy facial hair, creases on the forehead, and noticeable crow's feet by his eyes. Even so, it only enhanced his features to be more attractive than he already was before. 

Joel could not maintain eye contact with you like he used to. You noticed his tensed jaw and darting eyes towards everywhere else except you. He seemed like he wanted to hide in a hole somewhere. Seeing him not in the slightest bit happy to see you again stung you a little. You could not blame him for how he was acting, knowing how bad things were left between you. 

You had long moved past it after going to therapy. As time went by, you saw things from a different perspective, in a more mature way, to understand his position at the time. You took the fact that you won't see him again and did your own healing by trying to forgive him for his immaturity back in the day on your own terms since you were not able to talk openly with him.

Now, he was standing before you, and somehow, you felt relieved to see him after all those years.  

"Do you recognise me?" The younger man asked you, giving an expectant smile as he waited for you.

You turned your head back to him, still speechless from seeing Joel. He could only be that one person. 

"Tommy?" You asked with one brow raised at him.

"Oh! I thought you wouldn't remember my name!" His jaw dropped, and he slowly crept up to a broad smile, a result of the fact that you remembered his name. His hands were rested on his chest from the shock.

"Of course, I remember you. It just took me awhile to recognise you because you look different," you looked at him up and down. "Look at you! You're taller than me now." You gestured at him with your palms opened, waving your hands over his grown body.

"More handsome now, am I right?" He struck a pose, hands bending upwards to point at himself with both thumbs. He sneaked a wink at you, making you jog down memory lane, remembering how his brother winked at you during your younger days. 

You huffed a laugh at his boldness, "I see that you never change." You smirked at Tommy, who had just shrugged his shoulders at your remark.

Your ears perked up when you heard Sarah giggling as she watched your interaction with Tommy. For a moment, you had totally forgotten where and what you were doing while talking with Tommy. You glanced at Sarah briefly before looking at Tommy again.

"She's your daughter?" You asked Tommy.

"Ew, no." Sarah scrunched her face in a disgusted way at Tommy. Tommy rolled his eyes at Sarah; you could tell they had a slight sibling-like relationship. From the realisation of their age, you knew that Sarah could not have been Tommy's daughter. 

"This is my dad!" She told you proudly as she slid her hand into Joel's. 

Your eyes slowly moved up to see Joel staring at you with an unreadable gaze. You used to be able to tell what he was thinking just by looking at him, but the time apart had faded your ability to do so. 

You did not know that he had a daughter. You wouldn't have known because you had cut off contact with him and the people who had wronged you after you left. After a few years, when you had moved on with the past, you were tempted to know how he was doing, but you did not bother to do anything about it, afraid of what feelings might come to the surface.

You wondered who Sarah's mom was, and guessing her age, you assumed that Talia might have been the one. Talia was the cause of your nightmare in high school. Thinking about what she did always made your blood simmer with hatred. You could forgive Joel, but Talia was that mean bitch that would take you so much longer to make peace with. With Sarah coming around, you assumed that Joel must have made her his wife, and it almost made the food that was processed in your stomach come back up your throat.

"I-I didn't know that," you tried to hide your surprise but the way your voice strained at the start was obvious to anyone. Your eyes went back and forth between him and Sarah. Finally, you could see the unmistakable similarities between them as they stood side by side. 

You squatted down in front of Sarah, gazing up at her with newfound adoration. "So you're a Miller, huh?" A soft smile on your face as you stated the information that you had just learned.

"Sarah Miller," she nodded her head.

"Well, I should have asked for your last name. You looked so familiar when I saw you that time," you tilted your head as you slowly traced her face with your eyes.

"I did?" She looked up at Joel for a few seconds, and you followed her gaze. Joel was standing still, eyes darting between you and Sarah. 

"I'm way prettier, though." She blurted out after turning back to you.

You involuntarily snorted, hearing her comparison with Joel. "Of course you are," you beamed at her confidence which she definitely did not inherit from her dad, "but you both have the same distracting smile." 

"What does that mean?" She furrowed her brows.

"It means that you have a beautiful smile, just like your dad when he was your age." You gently poked her cheeks with your index fingers, which made her smile.

Both of you were smiling to each other when Emma reminded you to quickly take the pictures. You stood up and held your hand out at Sarah, who gladly took it to follow you, standing in front of the camera.

"Okay, what serious pose do you wanna do?" 

Sarah crossed her arms without hesitation and puffed out her chest as best she could. She lifted her chin up, pursing her lips with knitted brows to seem fierce. You smirked at her actions, finding her adorable, before striking the same pose beside her. 

The second one was a fun pose. She had you piggyback her, and the two of you were laughing as the photographer caught the moment. Your eyes flicked at Joel and Tommy, who were looking on behind the photographer. Joel was staring at you with a forlorn look, which you did not miss before he tensed up when he caught you looking at him. 

"Good. Now, with the family." The photographer said, turning to Joel and Tommy.

The Miller brothers stepped forward to stand beside you, one on each side. Sarah was standing in front of you with your hands on her shoulders. Your heart started to beat faster as Joel came near you. He put a certain distance between you both when he stood beside you. 

"Closer, please." The photographer gestured with one hand at Joel and ordered him to stand closer towards you. 

Joel reluctantly took a step closer, which resulted in his arm brushing against yours. That made you stand still as you felt tingles running up your arms to your neck. Sarah turned her head slightly from the instinctive tightening grip of your hands on her shoulders. You relaxed your hands in a flash when you realised that you could have hurt her. 

"One, two, three!" The photographer raised his voice slightly, and you heard the camera clicking away. He stopped and lowered the camera, not satisfied with your expression.

"You gotta smile," He portrayed his own smile, looking at you and Joel. 

You turned your head to glance at Joel, and you saw him looking at you from the corner of his eyes when he noticed your movement. In an instant, you looked back at the front to see that the photographer was ready to continue taking photos. This time, you smiled without fail. 

Once it was done, Sarah turned around to say goodbye. You bent down slightly with open arms, and she gladly reached around you to snuggle against your chest. With warmth enveloping your heart, you closed your eyes and rested your chin on her head, taking in the sweet moment with her.

Tommy looked at both of you with eyes representing relief. He remembered you fondly because he regarded you as his older sister. You had come over to the house often to play with him and, oftentimes, look after him when Joel was not around. Unlike his older brother, you were gentle and kind to him. He was 11 when you left, and it broke his heart that his caring older sister was moving away. He blamed Joel for it for a while and showed resentment towards him. He heard rumours about what had happened from the kids in the neighbourhood who went to the same high school as you and Joel. He didn't know the truth of it all until he was grown enough to learn about the whole story from Joel.  

Tommy took a peek at Joel, who was standing beside you. He could tell that Joel had missed you too, even though he had not said it out loud for the past 12 years. He did not have to because with one look in his eyes, Tommy could feel his longing. He knew that his brother still felt guilty about what had happened, but all that he wanted was that the both of you could make up for it because he missed his family before the emotional hurricane happened. 

You cleared your throat from the awkwardness after Sarah held her dad's hand again.

"So, y'all heading straight home after this?" You tried to find the courage to look at Joel, who was already staring at you but failed to do so, finding comfort in Tommy instead.

"We're going to the hospital to visit Nana," Sarah blurted out which made you snapped your head towards her with a frown on your face.

"Sarah—"Joel quickly

"Nana is in the hospital?" Your voice was high-pitched when you took in the new information. You were still frowning when you shifted your gaze to Joel.

"You don't need to worry about it." Joel tried to dismiss it, but you were obviously not satisfied with his answer.

"What happened to Nana?" You took a step closer to him, which caused him to instinctively move a step away from you.

"Nothing." He avoided looking at you and gripped Sarah's hand tighter, pulling her away to escape. You stood there, watching him leave.

Tommy hesitated to move as he witnessed what had just happened. He touched the side of your arms to lessen your worry. Then, reaching into his pocket, he took out a folded piece of paper and handed it to you.

"There's my number in there, so feel free to call anytime. You can ask me about anything, and I will try my best to answer it. I miss you, sis. It's great to see you again." Teary-eyed, Tommy opened his arms slightly, wanting to hug you after 12 long years.

You welcomed him by wrapping his neck with your arms, tip-toeing slightly from his height. His grip around you was tight as he swayed you from side to side. 

"I miss you too, baby boy," you whispered in his ears, tears lingering on the edge of your eyes.

"I'm not a baby," he argued with an annoyed tone, just like when he was younger, fighting that he was just a boy and not a baby.

"You're still a baby to me." You pulled back with a tight-lipped smile, not wanting to cry, while you looked at his 24-year-old face. 

Tommy let you go and returned to a mischievous look, "Call me, okay?" You nodded. "I'll see you around." He winked before jogging away to catch up with his brother and niece.   

next part

[ih3artreggie]

guys, it's finally happening. annalations is back in session, with today's yap being about...

REGULUS BLACK IN MY DRs

yeah. it's THE regulus post. IM FINALLY DOING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

so far, reg is in five drs of mine: marauders (duh), f1, asoiaf, twilight (bear with me), and kingsman. today i will be detailing what he's like in those drs because i am lowkey very proud of myself for being creative and fitting him in as well as i can. and also i love him. BLEUUUUGH!!!!

the BASICS about him:

he's a leo. his birthday is august 7, and he's a little less than a year younger than me (COUGAR ALERT!!! 😱). the original reason he's an august baby is cause i refused to have him be more than a year younger than me in my marauders dr... but now it's kind of stuck, and he is like 100% a leo in my head. Well yes!

he is in fact half french and speaks it fluently

in every dr he's in, sirius is his brother. i am not being responsible for separating them (again...)

he is also always bffs with evan. i'm not separating them EITHER!!

i don't have a specific fc for him - no one fits my vision. timothée chalamet is probably the closest you can get, but there are several people who have an element of regulus to them, those being: elijah hewson, alain delon, and (occasionally) mark eydelshteyn.

HUGELY IMPORTANT!!! he has grey eyes and faint freckles on his nose. FIGHT ME IDGAF

and now... drum roll for... the JUICY STUFF!!!

‧₊˚❀ MARAUDERS REALITY ༉‧₊˚.

regulus is like. default regulus in this dr, because – of course! – this is the source material (regrettably)

we are both in seventh year...

he's the slytherin prefect and seeker. Yay.

i am also seeker on the gryffindor team. Bound to be total, utter joy competing against him

MY SPURNED MORTAL ENEMY!!!.............. unless?

we've known each other since we were 6 and 7 years old, and from that point on we were great friends

he was best friends with evan, and i was best friends with sirius, but despite that, him and i were really close, and had a much more... tame? vibe

(sirius and i were/are crazy)

this, however, was until fifth year when he randomly decided to dump me. in front of the whole school. on the quidditch pitch. after i won. Soooo cool!

so now we don't like each other (we are both liars)

i guess you could call us more rivals than enemies but he sure does not do me any favours

although he does have a penchant for staring at me in potions... must be the humidity playing tricks on me

DISCLAIMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he is not a death eater. won't happen ever. NOT ON MY WATCH!!! #NotMyRegulus

‧₊˚❀ F1 REALITY ༉‧₊˚.

controversially, regulus is Not an f1 driver in this dr. Sorry! i am too weak to date my coworkers 💔 (+ he'd hate it)

rather, he studies classics at oxford (cough... NERD...) and is a piano tutor in his spare time

i've known him since we were 13 or 14 – him and evan met in boarding school, and i would see a LOT of him because of how close they were

we did not get along in the beginning, which was entirely my fault 😞

long story short, we were rivals/frenemies for a while until we eventually grew out of it and didn't see each other as often

we hung out at a party last year, but fell victim to miscommunication (NOOO!!! NOOOOOO!) and now have beef AGAIN!!!!!!

but never fear! everything will work out because he will mysteriously show up at the first race of the season in bahrain, looking to talk to me!

#Pray4Me

#I'mGoingToDie

‧₊˚❀ ASOIAF REALITY ༉‧₊˚.

this dr is very much still in the works (so bear with me me if some of this doesn't make exact sense), but i am quite proud of it...

i made house black an actual house of the north. their land, or territory that they control, is called the blacklands, and it's known for being a freaking horror movie

in this dr, sirius was a (very good but very slutty) knight who suspiciously went missing... (ran away to the free cities), leaving reg as the sole heir...

regulus black, now lord of his family and house after his father was taken ill, finds himself in a living nightmare – aligned with house bolton, complicit in the betrayal of the starks, and surrounded on all sides by stark allies

guess what. motherfucker gets kidnapped

for less than 12 hours though!

somehow the shittiest mormont bannermen are tasked with taking him (they obviously know that regulus has never held a sword in his LIFE)

lucky for him, i stumble upon him in a bit of a pickle, and decide to help him out. you know, being a knight of valour and justice and all that

guys it's nothing! really it's just a day in the life of the best knight in westeros (jaime lannister i'm gonna end u).

this little run-in basically puts us on a tedious road back to getting him to his family

hilarity ensues, and ends with me swearing allegiance to him and ONLY him. NOT his family. romance is in fact not dead and neither is my undying devotion

sirius also comes back from the dead after hearing about regulus being in trouble, which adds MORE drama to everything

"unhand my brother!" (i promptly laugh in his face)

MORE hilarity ensues, because everyone eventually finds out who i actually am (balon greyjoy's daughter). fun for all the family!

if you can't tell, this dr is a bit unserious. i don't really like everyone getting stabbed to death or burnt alive, so i will in fact be working my way around that (somehow). Stay Tuned!

‧₊˚❀ TWILIGHT REALITY ༉‧₊˚.

now, the lore is deep with this one

regulus is a vampire. YAY! but was also a wizard! Oh?

yeah. this is sort of a hp x twilight dr, but i have no interaction with the magic side of it because i dont want to. TAKE THAT!

DISCLAIMER 2!!! he has never taken a human life and point blank refuses to even think about it

basically, similar to canon, regulus died trying to destroy horcruxes, but didn't... actually... die. he was turned into a vampire

AGAIN!!!!!!! HE WAS NOT A DEATH EATER!!!!! just a fucking genius

anyways he went to albania to try and find that fuckass diadem and ended up getting bit by a vampire at the age of 19. good for him (he thinks it's worse than death #EdwardCullenCore)

vampires and wizards have MAJOR arcane ancient beef (like in the hp books) and so regulus was turned almost entirely out of spite. it was a huge FUCK YOU! from his maker

because vampires are technically dead, as soon as he was turned, he lost all his magic, and all connection to the magical world. it was basically as if he never had any in the first place

once he was changed, he had to learn everything from the beginning, because he knew nothing about non-magical society

it also caused an identity crisis because he spent his whole life being told that his family was superior because they were "pureblooded" but none of it mattered in relation to magic because. DEATH IS THE GREAT EQUALIZER!!

anywho

he basically hid out in the scottish highlands for a couple decades, learning how to assimilate with society and act human

he also pretended to be his own descendant and has inherited his own house twice by doing it. (i think edward also does the same thing from memory...)

he finds it very amusing to give his fictional descendants the worst names possible as well. the last name he made up was HERCULES BLACK?????????? putain de merde, as the french say

he also found a way into the magical world and tried to see sirius (did not go well; he hasn't tried again)

he went out looking for other vampires because he realised he knew nothing after 40 something years as one, and eventually ended up at the cullens

which is where i come in!

imagine my surprise when i – friend of the quileutes, sworn enemy of edward cullen, and freshly back from australia – am ambushed on my shift at the hospital by a new freaking vampire! and he's HOT?! I'm COOKED!

anyways! L for jasper as well because reg is younger than him and has way better self control. bulletproof self control actually

also regulus' power is. he can sort of hypnotise people? he can make eye contact with someone and put them in a trance – they won't remember anything for a period of 30 seconds to 5 minutes depending on how long he looks at them for

alice has taken to calling him medusa while i was away LMFAOOOOO

‧₊˚❀ KINGSMAN REALITY ༉‧₊˚.

no header for this one, since it's pretty much just a feeling i have

once again, this is sort of a crossover dr between slow horses and kingsman

before i was part of kingsman, i worked at mi5, alongside river cartwright (before he was put in slough house)

i was one of their top agents, and seriously well respected

at this point, i only knew regulus as evan's best friend, and a pretentious rich kid

that is until, on an assignment, i was following a target, and ran into him doing the exact same thing. we were following the same person, for the same reason. it was essentially that spiderman meme of us pointing at each other (with guns unfortunately)

anyways uhh the run in was not friendly and shots were in fact fired (HE WOULDN'T TELL ME WHY TF HE WAS THERE!!!!!!!)

after this incident, i was put on leave. like Fine but WTF

i was contacted by a man called will green (agent Gawain (DEV PATEL!!!)), who said he'd seen the footage of my run in with regulus, reviewed my record at mi5, and wanted to talk

WHAT FOOTAGE?! i was bewildered, but agreed to meet (i needed a job)

anyways, this was my induction into kingsman. he nominated me as a candidate for the position of agent viviane, and i passed all the trials with flying colours

regulus (agent Tristan) was not pleased

since then (seeing as that was 2 years ago), we have been in constant competition

he wont me fr he's just way too petty to admit it

to be fair, i still spite him for fucking up my career in the service, so. we're even

i lowkey just came up with all that kingsman lore on the spot, but yeah! if there's one thing i'm gonna do, it's make sure that i get my rivals to lovers!

ok. i think that's it. i'm running on 4.5 hours of sleep, but one thing is for certain: I LOVE REGULUS BLACK!!! they don't call me ih3artreggie for nothing!

ok good night, happy new years, and happy shifting everyone! until next time... Xx ❤︎

[holllandtrash]

long live | daniel ricciardo

pairing: daniel ricciardo x driver!reader (epilogue to fragile line)

long live the walls we crashed through i had the time of my life with you long, long live the walls we crashed through how the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

time passes and feelings may fade, but the memories never will word count: 7.7k (im so sorry) warnings/tags: time jumps like always, angst and heartbreak but it's not all sad this time, or is it?

four years later

“Daniel Ricciardo, 2025 Formula 1 World Champion, The Honey Badger,” James Hinchcliffe put his arm around the fellow commentator, “Tell us what you know.”

“What I know, Hinch,” Daniel repeated, taking a dramatic look up towards the clear sky. “What do I know?”

They didn’t need to act like they were friends for the camera, James and Daniel had grown close in a short time, ever since Daniel put down the helmet and picked up a microphone, Replacing the racing overalls with a suit and tie. He had the personality to be a motorsports commentator. No one was surprised when he was announced as Sky Sports newest reporter following his Formula 1 retirement. 

And James, a fellow retired driver himself from the IndyCar side, a Canadian with the humour and the banter that could keep up with Daniel, they were truly one of the best duos when it came to motorsports broadcasting.

They weren't often together, though. Daniel stuck to Formula 1. James was a regular for IndyCar. There were only a handful of races where they came together and the Indianapolis 500 was one of them. 

They were a comedic duo last year at the 2026 running, it only made sense to bring Daniel back again this year.

“Who’s your money on?” James asked. The question was innocent enough, proposed to most people who didn’t have an association with any team.

Daniel had his answer. Before the race weekend started he had an answer. Before the season started he had an answer. 

But he hesitated. 

Or, maybe froze was a better word. Daniel froze when he dropped his gaze from the sky and looked further down the pit lane. They didn’t plan on standing a few slots away from the number 6 car of Arrow McLaren, but that's where they found themselves.

Daniel froze when he spotted the familiar face sitting on the bench in the pit wall, looking at the data on the screens and nodding along with the engineer as he spoke. Daniel froze, because even though he knew exactly who was driving that car, he still wasn’t prepared for what he would do when he saw the driver.

When he saw you. 

You guys had agreed, long ago, that there would be no more interactions. That your careers, your lives, would be better if the other stayed as far away as possible.

Daniel knew that even now, four years later, he had no right to talk to you, to talk about you. He knew that at this point, it was for the best that ties were still cut, that the conversations didn’t happen. It had been over a year since your last interaction, he was in no position to change that. 

And he tried, desperately, over the years to follow the rules you agreed on. You as well kept your distance, you had to. 

But you were only human. There had been a few slip ups over the years.

For the remainder of the season, after the Austin race, you both had stuck to your word. You stopped giving the world the moments they were waiting for. You refused to interact with each other, you forced yourself to stop caring. 

It grew easier with time. The 2024 season was challenging in itself, but with Max and Daniel fighting amongst each other in a league of their own, you knew you couldn’t fight them in a McLaren. All you could do was make the most of what you had. 

Lando and you had a strong opening those first few races. McLaren was third in the constructors for a short time until other teams started to catch up, filling in the holes of their designs. 

You quite literally didn’t have time to care about Daniel when you were so focused on the rest of the grid, your actual competition. Ferrari, Mercedes, Aston Martin even. Your upgrades were no match with theirs and by the end of the season, it was disappointing to look back without a podium to reminisce on. Lando scored two, one in Spa, the other in Singapore. You did well, but not well enough to bring home a trophy.

2025 was…different.

In many ways. Firstly, the McLarens showed consistency as the season continued. You and Lando were always top contenders for points.  

Secondly, Daniel was giving Max a run for his money. He had a bit the year prior, but this season was far more competitive. You, like everyone else, was dying to see who would pull through and score that first place trophy at the end of the day, but you had to hide your desires for it to be Daniel. 

You still hadn’t spoken. You had successfully veered away from any accidental interactions. His name stayed out of your mouth and at this point, everyone on the grid knew there was a disconnect. You both had gone out of your way, this year and in 2024, to assure there would be no media appearances together, no driver conferences, nothing that the online world could twist. 

But you couldn’t do anything about still being happy for him. That would never go away. You would always want Daniel to succeed. You just couldn’t be watching the screens when he podiumed. You couldn’t go out with him and the others to celebrate. You couldn’t wish him a congrats in passing like Lando could if you were walking down the paddock. 

Daniel felt the same. While the love was gone, there was nothing he could do about those proud moments. He wanted you to make a name in this sport, to make history. He wanted you to be someone and even though he once wanted to be at your side while you planted your roots, he couldn’t.

Except that one time when he physically was at your side. 

There was a mistake in the media pen scheduling on that Thursday in Miami. From what you knew, Daniel was supposed to be in the press conference and you’d be one of the ten unlucky few that had to stand under the Miami sun in the football field, talking about how you were looking forward to this race when in reality you personally thought this was the worst race on the calendar. 

But it was too hot to complain about anything other than the heat and how you needed to change shirts as soon as the media pen segment was over because the breathable material of your papaya polo was anything but breathable.

You had barely stepped into the roped off circle to join the other drivers when you heard your name being called. Glancing over your shoulder, it took a second to realise that the call was coming from a young girl running in your direction. Her paddock lanyard flailing over her shoulder as she sprinted, one hand held onto her McLaren hat so it wouldn’t fall off.

“She can’t be here-”

“Piss off, she’s fine,” you weren’t even sure who you interrupted, but you didn’t give the risk of a reprending a second thought as you stepped forward to meet the young fan.

She was small, and you weren’t a professional when it came to guessing the ages of kids but you would put her somewhere in the range of six and eight. Maybe?

You knelt down to be more at eye level, “Hi darling, what’s your name?”

“Cara,” she answered, slightly out of breath. There was a gap in her teeth from where she must have just lost one, but it didn’t affect her grin at all. 

“Hi Cara,” you smiled at her, only then noticing she wore a shirt with your last name on it. Glancing over your shoulder, you saw an older gentleman running towards her. “Is that your dad?”

Cara looked and then nodded, but she didn’t care that she had completely abandoned him and given him a heart attack. “I saw you last year here. You finished fifth, my dad took me to watch. He says you- he says that you’re the only girl driver.”

“I am the only girl driver,” you confirmed, pouting slightly. You brushed your hand over her shoulder to smooth out the material of the shirt, “That should change soon, don’t you think? All of these boys need to be put in their place and I can’t do it alone.”

“I can join,” Cara suggested. The carefree optimism was a rare sight at one of these race weekends, but you admired it in Cara. She was too young to know the difficulties of being a female in this field and hopefully by the time she grew up, there were less walls for her to climb over, just doors to open. 

“You can join,” you nodded at the idea, laughing slightly, mostly because her dad had caught up to her and he was more out of breath than she saw. You smiled at him but looked back at Cara, “Do you race?”

“Yes!”

“No,” her dad answered, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Not yet, at least. We’ve signed her up for karting this summer, we’ll see how it goes.”

“I can already tell you’ll be a natural,” you told Cara. Watching her face light up was probably the most rewarding feeling you’d get all weekend. 

“I want to be like you. I want to win races, I want to win a championship!”

“You know what Cara, I can’t break every record, being the first girl driver. So I’ll save the championship one for you, how about that? I want to see you become the first girl to win the championship.” You gave her arm a squeeze and then stood up, turning your focus to her dad. 

He wasn’t wearing a wedding ring and although you couldn’t make assumptions that he was single, the greying hair at a fairly young age and the bags under his eyes told you that he was mostly likely the main caretaker for Cara. 

“She’s got dreams,” you said.

He nodded, but smiled proudly, “That she does.”

You didn’t want to speak negatively about this industry in front of Cara, you didn’t want to crush her dreams, but you also didn't want her to grow up and be hopelessly disappointed either.

“It’s not easy for girls in this sport,” you told him. “But if she’s serious, if both of you are, look into working with Mary from Victory Speedway, located out in Tampa. She’s got contacts with F1 Academy as well. They’re goal is to make it easier.”

“Thank you,” he nodded, holding out his hand to shake. “And thank you for talking with Cara. Both of us are big fans, you truly are inspiring.”

You chatted for a bit longer, ignoring Oliver who was at your side reminding you that you had media duties. They could wait. A photo with the girl that seemed to be your biggest fan and maybe one day your predecessor, couldn’t wait.

No one really heard what you spoke about, the other drivers had their own obligations in the media pen. 

Daniel, though, he listened. 

He was standing right near the entrance when Cara had run up. He had watched you bend down to chat with her, making her a priority opposed to the reporters. He was less than two feet away as he overheard your conversation and when you turned around, ready to get the media day over with, you met his eyes.

For the first time in a long time, you didn’t look away.

Daniel wanted to tell you he admired that conversation, the hope you installed in the young fan. He wanted to tell you that you made a great role model, for not just girls but all aspiring drivers. He wanted to say a lot of things to you.

He settled on a question, “You’re not trying to win the championship?”

This was the first time you had spoken in months and it wasn’t even in private. It was quite literally in front of cameras, reporters, people with audio recording devices and microphones. You opened your mouth slightly only to lock up, giving him an apologetic look because you both knew better than to be having any sort of interaction. 

You turned to face the first reporter, ignoring Daniel’s question completely. He just nodded to himself and walked to his own spot, keeping you in the corner of his eye. 

This young reporter, though, was also curious, having overheard what Daniel asked. 

“You’re not vying for a championship? Does Zak Brown know this?” He asked with a soft chuckle.

You shrugged and gave him a smile, “I mean, every driver's dream is the championship, but it’s not my goal currently. Your goals can, and should, be different than your dreams. And yes, Zak knows this, don’t you worry.”

“Your goal then, what is it?”

You inhaled, thinking to yourself for a second, “I’ve got a few and I have a good team supporting me while I work towards them. First would be to make as much history as I can, set as many records while I have a spot in Formula 1 and then I want to help other female drivers break them.”

“You want your records to be broken?”

“If it means getting more females into Formula 1, then yes.”

Daniel, who was in the middle of trying to listen to the reporter in front of him, smiled as he heard that. It was a very you response. He leaned forward, gripping the railing a bit because he completely misheard his own question and needed him to repeat it.

“And your other goal?” The young reporter asked you. 

Your lips curved into more of a devious smile, deciding to keep that one close to your chest. “Do you have any questions about the race this weekend? Or are you trying to write a biography on my life?”

Daniel was dying to know what it was too. He spent the rest of that media session racking through the memories of you, there were a lot, trying to think if you ever had that conversation. You must have, right? So why couldn’t he remember?

When all of you made your way out and back to the paddock, Daniel ignored the voice in his head telling him to just let it go. He completely drowned it out as he jogged up to your side, refraining from reaching out and brushing his hand over your elbow to grab your attention. Instead he just said, 

“Hey.”

You glanced up, instinctively stepping to the side as you walked to put more space between your bodies. 

“Hi,” you breathed out, pulling your eyes off of him and on the Red Bull motorhome that was coming up. This conversation would be short, he’d have to go back inside. You’d be fine for ten seconds, right?

“So what-” he cleared his throat. This shouldn’t have been awkward but it was. After so long of not even glancing at each other, there were new lines painted between you. Daniel didn’t know how to navigate them, and honestly, neither did you.

“Triple Crown, Dan,” you answered, knowing that's where he was going when he opened his mouth. 

The Triple Crown. Monaco. Indy 500. 24 Hours of Le Mans. 

He took a second to process that goal, not having expected it in the slightest. When he nodded, you could see the hurt in his eyes, only there was less pain and more distance. He didn’t know you like he thought he did.

“I never knew you were aiming for the Triple Crown.”

“You never asked.”

He had trained you, helped you become the best athlete you could be. He had introduced you to the right people. He acted as a mentor, but the conversations you had about racing were limited. There was a lack of communication in that sense because why bring work home with you? 

But that was the wedge driven between you. Had you talked about racing, contracts, your futures, you would have never found yourself in that McLaren contract scandal that ultimately broke you two up. 

He nodded, because what else could he say to that? You gave him a soft smile and told yourself to keep walking, to move to the other side of the paddock as Daniel headed into the Red Bull motorhome. 

You don’t interact again until Monaco. Daniel now knew winning this race meant more to you than others. Winning this would be one third of the Triple Crown checked off and as much as he was gunning for the podium, thankful for his P2 starting position, he saw that you were starting fourth and took a breath of relief. You had a shot.

Daniel wasn’t sure what came over him when he saw you in the paddock after qualifying. Maybe it was because you not completely shutting him down in Miami gave him a strange surge of confidence to approach you again, or maybe it was because he was ignoring all the voices in his head to just keep walking. Whatever it was, Daniel saw you chatting with a member of Sky Sports and as he walked passed, patted your shoulder in a congratulatory manner.

You paused whatever it was you were saying and turned in his direction, just in time to see him give you a smile and a thumbs up as he continued on his way. You returned it, but that small interaction had you stumbling over your words for the next two hours. 

Not because you were smitten, you were past that. You didn’t look at Daniel anymore and lose your train of thought, you didn’t get lost in a daze and allow everything else to fade around you.

But he didn’t seem to let go of you completely yet, and you could work with that. You could be civil. You could be neutral during race weekends, as long as it didn’t go further than the friendly smiles and minimal chats.

It shouldn’t have been hard to keep the conversations short, you hadn’t actually had anything meaningful to say to each other in over a year. When you ran into him after the race on Sunday, after he claimed the title of Monaco Grand Prix race winner for a second time, you should have just said congratulations and kept walking.

But Daniel saw you as he was propped up against the side of the Red Bull motorhome and then he stood up straighter, almost inviting you to walk up to him. There were no cameras around anymore, the majority of the paddock had gone home so you felt safer, sort of. If the world hadn’t lost their minds at the clip of him patting your back yesterday, you could talk to him now.

The Red Bull engineer he was with said his goodbyes and smiled politely at you as you approached, stopping at a safe distance.

“Another Monaco win under your belt.”

“So it seems,” Daniel tried his best to not look too proud of himself. You could see his dimples poking through. You wanted him to not be holding back, you missed his grin but gone were the days when he didn’t have to refrain with you. 

“You deserve it,” you nodded, glancing over your shoulder out of habit. You were scared of any stragglers with iPhones, but no one around seemed to care that you and Daniel were talking. You were drivers, it shouldn’t have been a strange sight.

“You deserve it,” Daniel playfully shot back. “I mean, I couldn’t just hand it over this year though, despite your Triple Crown goal.”

“Oh but next year? You’ll let me have it then?” You asked, eyebrows raised. It was a joke, a small tease, but Daniel’s smile slipped and you caught it. You caught it and you stepped forward, hand flinching because it would be moments like this where you’d want to reach for him but you couldn’t do that anymore, could you?

Daniel tensed. Now it was his turn to look anxiously around, “I might not-” a sharp inhale passed through his lips, “Yeah I might not be here next year.”

You scoffed because that idea was preposterous, “Oh shut up.”

“No it’s true,” Daniel said, but his smile told you that he wasn’t sad about it. “You know how your goal is the Triple Crown?”

“Yes.”

“Mine’s the championship, sweets.”

You weren’t given an opportunity to react to the nickname because he continued on explaining without missing a beat. Either he didn’t see the way saying sweets affected you or he didn’t even notice he said it because even after all this time, it still came naturally to him. 

“There’s a clause in my contract,” he said. “If I win the championship this year, we can renegotiate. I can leave, I can- I can retire. The way I want to.”

You didn’t know how to process this. 

Daniel belonged in Formula 1. He fought so hard for his seat, he was a mess when he was left without one and now there was a chance he’d be gone? 

And even though you were only eight races in, already he was leading the driver standings over Max, not by much, but he was. There was a strong possibility Daniel could take the championship home at the end of the season.

You couldn’t say what was on your mind. You couldn’t say, selfishly, I hope you lose the championship. You couldn’t say that it was impossible to imagine the paddock without him because even those few months when he wasn’t racing, he was still there. 

“We’ve still got a few months to go,” Daniel’s voice broke you from your thoughts, trying to move to a brighter note because that’s just who he was. “But this could be good for you. You’ll have a real shot at winning Monaco next year. But I mean- you technically already won Monaco.”

“That was F2.”

“I think it still counts.”

“I think I’ll win it again, just to be safe.”

Daniel liked that response, he liked how confident you were that the win was coming. He nodded and he really would have liked to talk to you more about this, about his potential leave, about your success, but when he was called from across the paddock you didn’t hesitate before saying goodbye. The conversation was long enough.

Things seemed lighter between you after that. 

You didn’t stop yourself from being visibly happy when he was doing well. You laughed if you overheard the stupid shit he said in the paddock. You didn’t make a big deal about it when you two were signed up for the same press conference session. Granted, you still sat on complete opposite ends of the couch, but you sat there with a smile because you liked hearing Daniel talk about the lead he still carried in the standings.

Spa was the turning point for you two.

While you hadn’t taken any more steps beyond paddock conversations and friendly interactions, what was Daniel supposed to do when you both ended up on the podium together? Him on top, claiming first, you right next to him on the second step?

You both held back when you climbed out of the cars. He opted for a friendly pat on the back even though he wanted nothing more than to bring you in for an embrace. You had podiumed once already this season, but not with Daniel. You stood between the two Mercedes drivers back in Austria but now you were there, with Daniel at your side, both of you beaming. 

You were proud of yourselves. You were proud of each other. 

Both of you had dreamt of this moment, standing next to each other on the podium. You still remembered that conversation years ago, trying to imagine what it would be like to hear the cheers for both of you.

‘You’ll have to do a shoey.’

‘Only if you win. I’m not doing one if I win.’

You had shared this dream when you were in love and even though that wasn’t the case anymore, the dream was still very much alive. Because of that, it almost didn’t feel right. 

It felt sort of unfulfilling, despite you being handed a heavy trophy. 

But this was a moment that you would remember for the rest of your life. All of your accomplishments were held very close to your heart but this one meant more than you could put into words. 

Hands shaking, crowd going wild, you were on top of the world and you were standing next to the man you used to be in love with. You glanced to the side to watch him, not able to stop yourself from smiling wide and then wider still as he held his head high like a hero. 

Daniel was larger than life. 

He always would be. 

You tried not to let yourself think that this might be the only chance you’d get to stand here with him. This win only pushed him further ahead in the championship and you were, seemingly, the only one who knew this year would be his last if he ended up winning. 

You had to hold onto this moment. It wouldn’t come again. 

To everyone watching at home, this was the start of a new age with you and Daniel. Fans could see the way you two interacted, the sheer joy you had for each other, something they hadn’t seen since you still raced in F2. 

To you, this was the beginning of the end. 

Finally, you and Daniel were getting to a place where things could be good and in a few short months, he’d be gone.

You couldn’t think about it more, not when you felt champagne being sprayed in your direction. You were late to the game and popped yours after Daniel and Max had, but you still joined in with the celebration. 

You laughed when Daniel took his shoe off and poured some of the bubbly liquid into the sole. He laughed when you refused to drink it, both of you ignoring the fact that if you were still in love, if you were still together, you would have done the shoey with him. 

Daniel was content with the nod. He knew you were happy for him, the same way he was happy for you. But neither of you could show it the way you wanted to. 

The championship win was decided at the second last race of the season, Qatar.

You didn’t have a good weekend, and you knew this. You took responsibility for the poor qualifying, the bad performance, for all of it. But you were distracted, unable to keep yourself from thinking about Daniel because if he won this race, he won it all. 

And then he’d walk away.

You were conflicted. You wanted to see Daniel take home the win but selfishly, you wanted him in Formula 1. You always wanted him in Formula 1. 

So when he crossed that line, ahead of Max, ahead of the rest of the grid, when he did celebratory donuts and stood on the podium with his chin held high, you stood on the sidelines and ignored how you used to wish for a day like this, wished for a day where he would be crowned the Championship Winner.

Daniel Ricciardo. 2025 Formula 1 World Champion. 

It had a nice ring to it. 

That’s what you told him that night when you were out at dinner and saw him sitting with a few members from his team just a few feet away. You weren’t surprised to see him at the establishment, it was exclusive, it was way overpriced and it was where many drivers went prior to going out and partying. 

You avoided his eyes that evening, scared that if you’d meet them you’d be forced to accept the reality that he really was leaving. At least, you know, if you didn’t look at him, you could live in your own little world where he wasn’t gone just yet.

You were genuinely annoyed when you bumped into him after leaving the toilets. The hall was dim, narrow and there was quite literally nowhere for you to go when he turned the corner and stopped walking when he saw you. 

“Hi,” you swallowed, anxiously smoothing out the skirt you wore, even more anxiously trying to avoid his eyes.

“Hi,” Daniel slid his hands into his pockets. His Enchante shirt clung to his skin due to the heat, but you told yourself you weren’t allowed to look at the way his little curls stuck to his forehead. 

“You, um-” you held your hand out. “Congratulations, really. Daniel Ricciardo. 2025 Formula 1 World Champion. It’s got a nice ring to it.”

He laughed and nodded along, “Yeah, yeah, thank you.”

When he leaned against the wall, you realised you were stuck. There was no getting out of this conversation. No escaping this reality. 

It didn’t help that the rest of the dining room faded behind him. The people, the sounds, the light, it was just Daniel. 

Just Daniel and just you.

How it always should have been.

How it would never be again.

You opened your mouth, intent on saying something else about his win but all that came out was a shaky breath and a choked back sob that triggered the tears you didn’t even know were building. It was quiet, but it was desperate and it was painful and Daniel didn’t hesitate before stepping forward and wrapping his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. Your cries were muffled against his shirt and Daniel stroked your back and then your hair, holding you tight against him.

You were happy for him, really. If anyone deserved this win, it was him but god you were devastated because up until now, you didn’t realise you still held this much love for him. Up until now, you didn’t realise that even after everything, you still needed him.

You needed him.

“What am I going to do without you on the grid?” You asked, your voice was already quiet but it was even more so muffled as you spoke directly into his body.

Daniel chuckled, it vibrated through his chest. “What you’ve been doing this whole time, sweets. You’ll make history. You’ll put the rest of the guys in their places. You’ll be the driver I know you to be.”

It took a few seconds, maybe a few minutes actually, of just standing there and crying into his chest until you snapped out of it. You weren’t dating anymore, your conversations now didn’t last longer than five minutes, it was embarrassing to be losing it in front of him, because of him.

You stepped back and wiped your eyes, “Sorry, sorry, I didn’t- I just-”

“I’ll miss you too, Y/N,” he breathed out. 

You nodded, because if you tried to say anything else you would be crying again. Daniel held his finger up and walked into the toilets to grab some tissue for you. It took another minute for you to be able to trust your voice again.

“I can’t believe you’re really leaving,” you dabbed at your cheeks, knowing you’d have to go back to the hotel to fix your make up before going out again. 

“I’ve got things lined up,” Daniel shrugged.

“Care to share?”

He tried to hide his smile and failed miserably, “Just don’t be surprised if I show up at the track next year with a microphone instead of a helmet.”

That was about as much he would say as his deal with Sky Sports wasn’t yet official. 

But now you felt more like an idiot for crying about him leaving if he wasn’t even actually leaving. You’d still see him. He’d still be around. You could work with that.

Daniel could still be proud of your accomplishments, even if he was on the sidelines. 

He was, however, a little conflicted when you won the last race of the 2025 season.

You made history in Abu Dhabi. The first female driver to win a race. This was a wall you had spent years trying to crash through and now there you were. On top of the podium, on top of the world as confetti fell to the ground around you, champagne sprayed in all directions. 

This was your moment.

Your win, your first win and all you wanted was Daniel up on that podium with you. As happy as you were to celebrate with Max and George, you couldn’t deny something was missing. 

Because you really could never cut yourself off from Daniel completely, could you? You could try, you could attempt to distance yourself, you could stop the interactions and you could tell yourself you didn’t care but you were right that day you told Lando that Daniel was your missing piece.

So it made sense that you were at a bit of a loss for words when he showed up at your hotel room that next morning. 

You invited him in, despite being slightly hungover. He didn’t care that your clothes were spread all throughout the room, but he did smile at the sight of your trophy on proud display on the table before you had to give it to your engineer for safe travels.

“So this is it,” you sighed, sitting down on the far side of the couch. Daniel sat down as well, the opposite side, arm stretched along the back of it.

“This is it,” he agreed. 

“When does the news drop?”

He clicked his tongue, “Tomorrow.”

“Who’s replacing you?”

“Not sure,” he scratched the stubble along his jaw. “My guess is Lawson or possibly Palou.”

You sat in silence for a while, thankful that it wasn’t uncomfortable because it easily could have been. 

But you both grew this season.

You could both admit now, being in love and being drivers was an unattainable dream.

But you could be drivers and you could still have love for each other. 

You reached across the couch, a gentle smirk playing on your lips as you nudged his arm, “So what are you going to say about me?”

Daniel dipped his head back and laughed, “What do you mean?”

“You know,” you shrugged. “Like when you talk about us drivers on Sky Sports. What are you going to say about me?”

“I’m going to say that not only did you steal my seat, but you stole the glory of my last race by winning.”

You rolled your eyes, recognizing the sarcasm but you were thankful his words weren’t malicious anymore, “I thought we were past this. I didn’t steal your seat, Dan.”

“No, but I don’t think I can joke about it on air so this is my last chance.”

You reached behind you and grabbed one of the throw pillows, smacking it against his chest. You chose to look at this playfully, instead of it as the inevitable end. 

And Daniel needed a second to think about your question anyway, so the joke was just a way to stall. Honestly, he was a little surprised that he hadn’t already thought about it considering you were on his mind more than you should have been. 

He cleared his throat and adjusted himself on the couch cushion. You could see that he was struggling to come up with a good response and you didn’t mean for this. You didn’t want him to think he had to choose his words carefully. 

“Hey,” you whispered, shifting closer to him, “Promise me something.”

You met his eyes, his dark brown eyes that once had such a strong hold over you. You looked at him and remembered why you fell in love with him in the first place. In this moment, it was hard to remember why you ever wanted to stop loving him.

Had you stopped loving him? Did that day really come?

You could have love for someone and not be in love with him anymore, but you didn’t think you’d find yourself in a position where you had to differentiate between the two. You thought, you knew, you would always be in love with Daniel that to sit here and think that maybe, possibly, you didn’t anymore, felt like a betrayal. 

He was supposed to be the one that stood by you through it all. The good, the bad, the wins, the losses. It wasn’t supposed to end with you two sitting on the couch and admitting that this truly was over. 

It wasn’t supposed to end like this, but you always knew it would. 

Fate stepped in and whether you liked it or not, it was forcing you into a goodbye, into an acceptance that your lives would no longer be intertwined, that you couldn’t go back to the way things were. 

“Anything,” Daniel spoke softly. Maybe one day he would have said, I’d promise you the world, if you asked, but that seemed a little too forward for the moment.

“Be honest, Dan,” you told him, your hand finding his over the edge of the couch. Your thumb brushed against his fingers and both of you fought the urge to just connect them further. “Tell them my name, but tell them how I got to Formula 1. Tell them it was you, that you helped me pave the way, that you helped me make a name in this sport. Don’t just point to the pictures of me, point to the ones of us. Now that you’re done with racing, I don’t care about the assumptions, the rumours, any of it. Tell people how it really was you and I, how we were the team that should have been, that never was, please,  because even though I know-” 

You paused, taking a second to swallow the lump at the back of your throat. You glanced at your hand and maybe it was you or maybe it was him, but your fingers started to interlock. Your eyes stayed glued to the touch as your last admittance filled the air between you.

“I know I could have made it to Formula 1 without you, but I can’t put into words how thankful I am that I didn’t have to.”

Daniel nodded, because he agreed with you. He knew you could have gotten here without him but he too was grateful he was by your side for the start of it. He agreed that you two really were the team that never was but should have been. He nodded and agreed that he would say all of those things.

But you knew that he wouldn’t.

Those words were for him, not the rest of the world. 

He would tell people that you shined on top of the podium. He would say that the crowds went wild, louder for you than any other driver.

And he would never say that he had any part of shaping your career. Despite you knowing he did, despite the whole world knowing he played a detrimental part, Daniel didn’t hold onto those connections when you went on to race in 2026 and he stood in the commentators box. 

He stayed neutral, surprisingly. 

It helped that he didn’t interact with many drivers or if he did, it was never you. He did talk about you, but only about your performance on the track. His colleagues knew not to bring up your past, not when the only thing that mattered was how well you were doing in the present.

He had some thoughts when you announced you were making the switch to IndyCar at the end of this season, but mostly because you made that announcement before the Monaco Grand Prix, before you claimed the win you were chasing, before you could check off one third of the Triple Crown.

He wanted to pull you aside and question why you were making this choice but he couldn’t. He also couldn’t call you out publicly on air like other reporters had. 

All he could do was hold his breath after you qualified P2 in Monaco. He sat on the edge of his seat, struggling to do his job, struggling to commentate on the race because the second you made the move to overtake Max and it worked, Daniel had to leave the room. 

He had to leave because he knew that if you kept the lead, if you won, he couldn’t celebrate the way he wanted to with cameras on him. Instead, he watched from the privacy of a separate media suite. The broadcast was a few seconds delayed but at least he was able to cheer and be visibly proud of you and not have to hold back when you crossed the line ahead of Max.

You won the Monaco Grand Prix, in a McLaren of all cars, and now he knew what you were gunning for next.

The Indy 500. 

Signing that Arrow McLaren deal ended up being the right move after all.

“Who’s your money on?” James Hinchcliffe asked him as they stood on the pit lane where the teams were preparing for the greatest spectacle in racing. The question was innocent enough, proposed to most people who didn’t have an association with any team.

Daniel had his answer. Before the race weekend started he had an answer. Before the season started, he had an answer. Despite knowing you were still far from winning the Indy 500, his money would always be on you. 

You looked up from where you sat on the Arrow McLaren bench and you smiled at him.

You were having a pretty good season, for a rookie. With O’Ward and Rossi as your teammates, you knew you couldn’t compare, but they were good people to have on your team, in your corner. They helped you, guided you through the shift from Formula 1 to Indy and you could be proud that in a grid of 26 drivers, you were 11th in the standings. 

“Not betting on anyone, James,” Daniel answered, but his eyes were still locked on you and his smirk said otherwise. “It’ll be a good race.”

He could say your name, he wanted to. But Daniel stayed as far away from your life as he could because you decided on it a long time ago and nothing that happened since told him that you’d be going back on that decision, that you wanted him back in your life.

He might not have been a driver anymore, but you still were. So he was content with being civil, neutral. He was fine with the friendly smiles and if an old photo of the two of you circulated every now and again, well, he didn’t hate it. 

He sat with the rest of the Indy commentators during the race. He shared his honest opinions throughout and he, along with the other reporters, praised Alexander Rossi for taking home his second Indy 500 victory, eleven years after his first. 

But that was not the Arrow McLaren driver he wished was celebrating in Victory Lane.

Daniel waited until his job was done, but he knew he had to find you before the day ended. He wanted to congratulate you on finishing twelfth. That was something he was proud of and he hoped you were as well. 

It would only go up from there. The Indy 500 was still an achievable goal. 

He found you in the paddock. It wasn’t hard. You stood out, even in the crowd of people. He waited off to the side and watched you take photos with young girls, young fans that resembled that one girl in Miami, all of them looking up to you and thanking you for paving the way for them, for other females in motorsport.

It was by chance that you looked over your shoulder and saw Daniel standing there. He nodded, wordlessly assuring you that he could wait, to take your time with the fans. 

He ended up waiting almost fifteen minutes. 

Eventually, you started to approach him. Daniel stood up straighter, having been leaning against the Penske trailers until you were done. You still had your racing overalls on, but unzipped and hanging loosely on your hips. The black fireproofs under the papaya looked good on you, but Daniel hadn’t let himself appreciate your appearance for years, he couldn’t start now, even if he really wanted to.

“Hey,” you called out when you were only a few steps away.

“Hey yourself,” Daniel chuckled. When you finally stood in front of him, he was sort of expecting to see a sliver of defeat, but you were happy. You may not have won the 500, but you had a good run and there was always next year. Plus, you still had the rest of the season to finish. The season wasn’t over, you could still make history in this sport. 

You crossed your arms over your chest and glanced around, jaw clenched until you finally worked up the courage to meet his eyes. 

“So,” you inhaled a breath. “You’ve got some time on your hands now that you’re retired, right?”

Daniel wasn’t sure where this was going but he laughed and nodded, “Somewhat, yes, but I do still work race weekends.”

“But Monday through Wednesday?”

He pondered it for a second, just for dramatic effect. “I’m fairly open.”

You nodded, hoping for that answer. 

If you were being honest with yourself, this was a conversation you wanted to have with Daniel since he announced his retirement almost two years ago, you just never knew what the outcome would be.

You felt a bit safer now, knowing that he was based out of the UK and your races were only North American. If he hated where you were going with this, well, it was rare you’d be crossing paths so soon afterwards. 

You just had to blurt it out.

“Ever thought about being a trainer?” You asked. “Or a manager? Mentor even? You know- my last mentor walked out on me-”

Daniel cut you off with a booming laugh, “Walked out? Really? Is that what you tell people?”

Him playing along with your humour felt like a weight off your shoulders, “Only if they ask.”

Daniel, finally, didn’t have to refrain himself anymore. He felt confident enough to drape his arm over your shoulders and walk with you down the paddock. For once, he didn’t care if people looked or recorded and secretly, he hoped they did. 

All he wanted was to be at your side. All he wanted was for the world to know he was proud of you, that, if you asked, he’d be back in your corner.

And you were asking.

“So you need a mentor?” He repeated. “A trainer?”

Your hand slipped around his waist. It was natural, comforting, right.

“Well, I need to win the 500 eventually and then I need to get into Le Mans. I can’t do it alone.”

Daniel looked at you, wearing that stupid grin you missed so much even if you had memorised it the first day you met. You missed him, despite hearing his voice on the broadcasts and seeing him in the paddock. You missed him, he was your missing piece after all.

Daniel looked at you, and you knew, you weren’t alone.

__________________

the end ♡

taglist: @torossosebs@whatthefuckerr@jspitwall@oconso@tsarinablogs@landowecanbewc@somanyfandomsbruh@christianpulisic10@storminacloud@sunnytkm23@formula1mount@azxulaa@icarus-nex@spideyspeaches @moonvr @destourtereaux @baw-sixteen @cinderellawithashoe @love4lando @alesainz @blueanfield @itsmeempar @vellicora @simple-soul-searcher

for some reason im struggling to add people to the taglist, i deeply apologise

[knoxic]

A kiss may ruin a human life.

Oscar Wilde

-Masterlist- part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4

wc: 2,1k

warnings: miscommunications (but really there's almost no communication at all), self deprecating thoughts, mentions of death, ptsd, insomnia, anxiety, grief(?), angst,

i think that's it but please let me know if there's anything else!

a/n: this work implies that Hotch heard Haley's last breath. timeline is around season 6-7 but it doesn't really matter. this is heavily based on my own experience from death and hearing someone's last breath. Hotch is a little out of character but it'll get better i promise, this was supposed to be something just for myself but i decided to post it, that being said, im already writing part 2!

no use of y/n!

He was distant. 

He kept avoiding you, every day, even when you got back to the hotel and had no other choice but to be around each other, he showered and said some casual phrases that could damn well be said to a stranger.

You tried to understand, he was stressed and haven't slept well in days but, fuck, wasn't it happening to everyone else? And they weren't avoiding you...

Asking if he wanted something to eat or if he wanted that shitty coffee just got you a cold and empty answer. "No, thanks.", "I've had enough for today, thank you.", "I'll just finish some files," and etc. Sure he was polite, you don't think Hotch could be rude even if he wanted to, at least not with someone he was close to, but he was always so gentle and warm, had you done something to make him mad?

It started off just as every other day started, a new case in a city you've never been to before. Sharing a room with your boss meant a different routine than if you shared with anyone else in the team, late nights and early mornings, the sound of pen scratching paper being the first thing you heard when waking up and the last when you were drifting off, you wondered if he even slept at all.

The answer was no, he barely ever slept during a case, especially if he could hear you breathing all night. 

He was scared, scared it would happen again. It was unrealistic and he knew, it happened too many times already, but twice like that was terrifying.

Terrifying to the point he was paralyzed, every night you whispered that sweet "Good night, Hotch." and it flipped the switch, he would now spend the night awake to make sure that you would tell him "Good morning, Hotch" in a gentle yet strong voice. That whisper sounded enough like the gasp he heard that one time, and it always immediately set off every trigger he had of that unfortunate day.

Every night he spent with you in the same room he tried to distract himself enough not to hear your steady breaths, finishing random files that weren't so important and sometimes even going as far as writing them twice. When he got tired enough to pass out, he would lie down and hope that the second his head hit the uncomfortable pillow he would be asleep. 

It never happened.

He kept listening. You sometimes tossed and turned in your sleep, and he knew it meant you were probably having nightmares but it always soothed his mind. If you were moving it meant you were still alive, and the rustling of the sheets downed out the agonizing sound of your breath.

Sometimes he slept, but even when he did, he kept listening, gunshots echoed inside his head, his aching hands clad with blood holding her body, the sound... the horrific, terrifying, agonizing sound of her last breath.

He thought it had stopped, he has triggers of course but, it wasn't always that they were set off like this, usually it happened sometimes when Jack slept on his chest and that meant carrying him to bed, but he normally allowed himself a bit of self care and went to his own room, close enough from his child to hear if he called but far enough to not hear his steady breaths. Being stuck in a hotel room did not allow him that. He tried soundproof headphones after the second night they spent together a couple years ago, he quickly figured it was somehow more agonizing than being able to hear.

Now three days into the case, he was desperate for a night alone, to drown in complete silence and darkness. Thankfully, yet not what he wanted, you had gone to Emily's room to discuss something, he didn't know what it was and apparently you didn't care enough to tell him, or you just didn't want him to know.

He held himself from sprinting to bed right after you left the room, surely it wouldn't look so good if you were to come back because you forgot something or for any other reason, he let a couple minutes pass by, anxiously so, before he got up to take the fastest shower he could manage and jumped into bed, he almost decided against clothes before reminding himself that sooner or later you would come back. It took more time than he'd like but finally he was drifting off, quicker than expected.

"Emily..." you whimpered.

"Come on... it's Hotch," she rested a hand on your shoulder, "he's probably just going through something. I heard him tell Rossi last week that Jack was having some troubles in school, it might be that, right?"

"Yeah, but I feel like..." Emily was the only one who knew about your confusing feelings for Hotch and still you hesitated, "I feel like it's something else... he's been avoiding me and rarely looks me in the eye when we talk."

Emily went silent for a few seconds, looking away and seemed to be deciding carefully what to say.

"Listen, you know I love you and support anything you do, but..." oh God "You should talk to him, not me."

"I came to you exactly because I don't want to talk to him, even if I tried I don't think he would answer." You gave her the most pleading puppy eyes you could manage. 

"There's only one way to find out, honey."

After a few more minutes of licking your wounds you gathered yourself enough to face Aaron, walking a little too fast to your shared room just to make sure you wouldn't have time to back down and run back to Emily. Thinking too many things and nothing at all just to distract yourself you ended up opening the door loudly, scaring yourself when the lights were off and you could barely make out the person under the blankets.

Did you really just open a random door? Fuck! 

In your panic state your eyes caught a glimpse of Aaron's bag close to his bed, some files slipped out from it when he drastically dropped it earlier. Without realizing, you slipped into the room and closed the door quieter than you had opened it, unsure if Aaron was indeed asleep or if he was pretending just so he wouldn't have to talk to you, a shower seemed to be the best thing to do.

It was weird, a part of you knew he was tired, and going to sleep without someone else in the room is sometimes a lot easier, but, the bigger part of you kept thinking that he was doing this just to avoid you, to not have to force out a "Good night." when both of you knew it wasn't good for him, and it hurt.

Shower was indeed a good thing, the warm water doing wonders to your aching muscles and the sound of the water running was a good background for your mind to organize your thoughts. That same sound was what Aaron woke up to.

Looking around searching for what had woken him, he saw the light coming from the bathroom, the door didn't close all the way sometimes, you had to close it hard and he supposed you didn't want to make noise. He searched for his phone to check the time, see how long it took you to come back, but in his hustle earlier he had forgotten to pick up his phone, wherever it was he didn't feel like getting up to search for it.

In his sleepy state he had turned to watch the door, not really paying attention to what he was looking out for until he got a glimpse of you wrapping a towel around your body, he hadn't even that noticed the sound of the water had stopped, snapping himself out of whatever this was he turned away from the door, right before he saw the light getting brighter and your quiet barefoot steps getting closer, a zipper being opened, rustle of fabric and the zipper being closed, steps again but this time going away and the room getting darker again.

It didn't take long for you to come back, he could smell the soap you always used, it only took him a couple days sharing a room and a bathroom with you to know that every soap and perfume you used smelled mostly the same.

It almost physically pained him to not be able to smell it directly from your skin, he had hugged you and stood close enough to smell your perfume he knew it wasn't the same as your fresh out of the shower scent. It already smelled so comforting from this far, he was certain he'd go insane if he ever got the chance to hug you like this, out of any police department or hospital smell, just you. 

He was so lost in thought he hadn't realized you had already settled in bed.

"Good night, Hotch..." he heard you whisper, so quietly he almost missed it, it made his heart stutter and beat faster.

Did you know he was awake? Did you see him looking at you through the open door? He didn't see anything but the skin of your arms! Should he answer? No. Stop it, idiot.

You turned again, again and again. The mattress was hard, the blanket kept scratching your bare legs, the pillow made you feel like a stone would be comfier, not to mention the discomfort of having your mind tell you how uncomfortable Aaron must be that he even went to bed earlier just so he wouldn't have to see you. You must be so pathetic to even have wished him a good night when he clearly didn't want you here–

"Are you okay?" There it was, his husky voice, he was sleeping and you disturbed him. 

"Uh–yeah, sorry to wake you up." Wow, that came out so weak, he definitely thinks you're pathetic.

The sound of his body turning and his voice right beside your ear made you shiver. 

"You keep tossing and turning, your breath is faster than normal," he sighed. "So I'll ask again, are you okay?" It's now or never.

"Have you–you've been avoiding me." You could hear Emily's voice saying it wasn't so hard was it?

"No I haven't." That came out way too fast to be true, Hotchner.

"Yes you have, and you can barely even look at me when we're alone, you give me empty words and talk better to a rookie you'll never see again," you were rambling but now there was no way you would stop. "If I did something to upset you, please tell me. Because, I can profile you but I cannot read your mind yet, and I can't apologize if I don't know what I did wrong." 

"I-" God, you were so self deprecating. "I'm sorry I made you feel that way, you did nothing wrong." He spoke in a weirdly soft voice.

"That–that doesn't make me feel better..."

"I'm sorry... it's... not something you did..." Well, if you were talking then he should too, "It's you."

A couple seconds passed, they felt like minutes.

Your heart dropped, "What?" It couldn't be... you knew you weren't perfect but, to know your mind was right yet again felt... nauseous.

"Wait! wait," he was sitting up now, back to the headboard, making a calm down gesture with his hands, he did that once with a child, to make them stop their rambling, you really were pathetic.

"Not you, I meant... Fuck, it's complicated."

Now that you were already broken, you might as well just finish this, end what made you anxious for once, even if it meant losing your hopes of being with him.

Your breath was harder and lost its rhythm. You could be going into a panic attack right now but Aaron was relieved, after hearing the way your voice got so... pained, he thought he ended this, that you would get up and leave him. The memories came back in a rush that made him dizzy, but you were still here, and breathing hard, unlike the breath Haley–

"Then tell me, unless you have something else to do at 2am. I think we have enough time, tell me. Whatever it is, I'm sure it's not as complicated as what we had going on." Your voice was steady, no longer panicked and embarrassed like someone who just got rejected by their crush, that was the voice of a person who took down serial killers for a living, who could damn well talk face to face with him if they were to fight. Now he felt small, he could tower over you if you two were standing up but he knew you were the bigger person.

[danepopfrippery]

Ive had a chance to chill and think and id like to add forget nandermo right. Ok the last season fucked EVERYONE over.

Tbh they couldve had Colin take a dump onscreen and itd have been less a fuck u to fans.

From least offensive to worst:

Only one who came out close to decent was Colin. But they left so many stupid threads. He beat the piss out of guillermo once just cuz i guess? He still doesnt remember Laszlo being his dad, and the one friend he thought he had resents him cuz his wife wants him.

Laszlo would be second least bad. He did have a really great emotional ep with his dad issues, and he and Colin working together was sweet. But Laszlo treated monster bad after being a good dad to colin. The end. The only two consistencies is he loves his wife and he can be a right idiot when feuding.

But im pretending rosemarys baby was the real end so he and Nadja both got pregnant and had their sons. Love it.

Id place Nandor here but the Guide thing was such fucking left field and they stuck with it til the end. Otherwise him enjoying pointless work and being hurt and running away is on track.

Then Guillermo. What a wasted god damned season. Is Jordan a vampire? Who knows. What did Miguel have to say on the ride home? Who knows. Literally nothing learned or gained here.

Sean got a really weird half storyline. I believe hes that big of a drunken lout. No gains here either.

Nadja had another season of being loud and obnoxious. Playing human was fun (incl ruining the banana phone joke) but the fails were cringey. Nadja is smart and capable, they havent given her much since the nightclub. The end. Also for no reason she has a lot of buckets and pillows (but again i did like the Rosemarys baby ending).

Then the Guide….no one got fucked over harder then the Guide.

She hasnt had a purpose since the Vampiric Council in 3. They made her full time and promptly Meg’d her character (meg from family guy who is treated like shit). Ok nightclub stuff was tolerable, esp being acab.

Then she becomes a nag trying to trick Nadja and make them let her in. Shes whiny and pathetic. Instead of talking to her one friend Guillermo she sets a trap.

By open of 6 shes barely found. Until Nandor decides right here and now he wants her bad. She wisely refuses and we never get an answer why the sleep hypnosis brought that idea on. She works for Jerry off screen and leaves the credits.

Shes fine in the revenge ep and fun when she tells Nandor to fuck off. Suddenly she doesnt even count as Guillermo’s friend (office party) and the last we see of her shes whiny and suddenly magafv. Thats basically the last line i think?! For her anyway.

[bloodydeanwinchester]

let's see if i can make it through all of my favorite destiel episodes from each season today!

season 4 - (im cheating and picking 2) on the head of a pin && lucifer rising

season 5 - free to be you and me

season 6 - the man who would be king

season 7 - the born-again identity

season 8 - goodbye stranger

season 9 - heaven can't wait

season 10 - the things we left behind

season 11 - alpha and omega

season 12 - stuck in the middle (with you)

season 13 - tombstone

season 14 - nihilism

season 15 - the trap

surely i'll be fine watching all of these one after another 😅🫡

[theatrical-penguin]

I saw 10 of the new shows this year (3 Revivals and 7 New Musicals). So I decided to rate and rank them:

1 - Suffs 10/10 - What an incredible show! Such a talented cast and I want the soundtrack immediately! I had tears streaming down my face at the end of both acts. Shaina Taub and Hannah Cruz are particularly great. And Grace McLean as Pres Wilson is hilarious. The set is excellently done to evoke the locales and move things along. Strong direction all the way. My pick for Best Musical.

2 - Water For Elephants 9.5/10 - amazing cast; should get an award for ensemble; nice use of puppets - Rosie reveal was perfect. Grant was incredible as was August. Went up in rank as the week went on because the music really stuck with me and I wanted to hear it again.

3 - Outsiders 9//10 - loved the choreo. Ponyboy is great. The gravel stage and flashlights were particularly effective. Best lighting design and use of rain

4 - Merrily We Roll Along 8.5/10 - was slightly concerned by Groff’s flat affect in first scene until it became clear it was a choice as he became more vibrant as time moved back. Daniel was perfect and the friendship between the 3 leads really came through. His Franklin Shepherd Inc is worth the Tony on its own. I can only assume I was supposed to hate Gussie because I totally did.

5 - Cabaret 8/10 - confession: I had never seen Cabaret in any form and I didn’t research the plot so I had no idea what was happening between the KitKat numbers. Really good production- excellent staging, never felt left out in the round. Eddie Redmayne was creepily intriguing. Sally seemed more broken than I would have thought from hearing songs from previous productions. Dark and moody; not a huge fan of the immersive preshow. No program pic bc they covered all phone cameras with stickers on the way in (before giving us a shot of really bad schnapps)

6 - The Wiz 8/10 - bright and fun! Excellent performances especially the 4 leads. LOVE the Lion. Costumes are gorgeous and the dancing is fabulous. Does Wayne Brady have to be there the whole show since he’s not on til Act 2?

7 - Gatsby 8/10 - bubbly and fun; loved the opulence of set & costumes; great dancing and some really good songs; loved Jeremy Jordan’s Gatsby - the insecurities coming through the glam

8 - Notebook 7.5/10 - Heartbreaking performance by Old Allie especially. What is with that water on stage this year?

9 - Hells Kitchen 7/10 - great dancing. Lead actress was great but maybe im too old to identify with her instead of her mother. Again with death of a supporting character.

10 - Back To The Future 7/10 - Roger Bart is hilarious - definitely the reason to see the show. Set was actually a little underwhelming - too much reliance on projections. Some fun numbers but no real standouts.

Overall: no shows I disliked this time. VERY strong season. Some really creative use/resuses of minimalistic elements this season. Other season trends: full size cars and actual rain. And death - so much death

[pinkkop]

15 Days BL Challenge - Overview

Here's the full overview of ALL the prompts from all 4 parts and links to each part. And for my own sake I've linked my own responses for each prompt so I can find them easily.

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4

Day 1: Fave OG Actor Pairing Day 2: Fave Rookie Actor Pairing Day 3: Side Dish that should've been the main course Day 4: Fave ship dynamic Day 5: Biggest flop Day 6: Fave line from your fave series Day 7: Fave Villain Day 8: The Trope that you hate except for when it's this series Day 9: Most visually pleasing sex scene Day 10: Most emotionally pleasing sex scene Day 11: Breakup that should have stayed broken up Day 12: Wedding you wish you had an invite to Day 13: Give 5 good boys a gold star Day 14: Top 5 most sad boys Day 15: 5 bestest besties

Day 16: What show has taken you by surprise this year? Day 17: What's your most returned-to / comfort BL show? Day 18: What show are you waiting most (im)patiently for? Day 19: If you could turn any Non-BL show into a BL, which would you choose? Day 20: Which series do you wish had more eps than it did or another season? Day 21: If you could ship any two actors in a BL pairing who would it be? Day 22: Day 2 revisited - Fave Rookie Actor Pairing? Day 23: Most disappointing ending to a series? Day 24: What Storyline/trope do you enjoy and wish to see more of? Day 25: Which BL actor do you want to see more of? Day 26: Top 3 Most Stylish Boys? Day 27: Top 15 3 BL Kisses? Day 28: What Love scene gripped you? Day 29: Best Wingman? Day 30: Top 3 shows to introduce people to BL?

Day 31: Favourite Hug(s)? Day 32: Kabedon! Favourite pinned to the wall moment? Day 33: It’s toxic and I know it. Favourite toxic trope? Day 34: What trope/plot point do you fast forward through the most? Day 35: What’s your favourite genre of BL? Day 36: Favourite BL parents/parental figures? Day 37: Heartbreak and tears! Criers that get you every time. Day 38: Let’s go lesbians! What’s your favourite GL? Day 39: Favourite red flag character? Day 40: Favourite green flag character? Day 41: We don’t kill the gays here but… best death/near death scene? Day 42: Which Bromance would you remake as a full blown BL? Day 43: Let’s get delulu, which branded pairing should just get married already? Day 44: Well that escalated quickly. What dramatic scene really stuck with you? Day 45: Favourite BL that isn’t from the big four (Japan/Thailand/Taiwan/S. Korea)

Day 46: BL you want to experience again for the first time Day 47: Favourite confession scene Day 48: If you could switch a BL actor pairing to a different production company, who would you move and to which production company? Day 49: BL that made you cry the most/made you the most emotional Day 50: Favourite female identifying character? Day 51: Top 3 BLs that you'd never want to explain to your parents Day 52: Which BL character would you love to be friends with in real life? Day 53: If you stumbled across a QL actor in rl, who would you prefer it to be? Day 54: If you stumbled across a QL actor in rl, who would you prefer it NOT to be? Day 55: Place you'd love to visit because of a BL/GL? Day 56: Most badass BL character Day 57: Female/non-binary identifying actor you want to see more of in BL or GL Day 58: BL scene that made your imagination go wild Day 59: What's a hill you're willing to die on when it comes to BL? Day 60: Favourite lesser known BL

[dabuerre]

just some thoughts on season 5 of atlantis - i really dont like it.

woolsey is growing on me, but its too late. the show is gonna end soon. so like.. dissapointment. its especially painful because Woolsey was the one that delivered the news to Carter. it made me dislike him, heavily. i thought it would be a plot point, and she would come back, but nah.

sheppard deserves something more. i mean, i think there is only like.. one sheppard centric episode? with his father, and his ex-wife?

mckay... he is stuck inbetween actual growth and falling back on his ass. i thought he would try to fix his relationship with katie, because that was such a fucking fuckup, but no, bro seems like he didnt even realize what was happening("Trio") now he seems interested in Keller, which... i guess i support it? i dont know.

Ronon? he is just cool. thats kinda all his character is. i always thought there would be a deeper reason, why they made him a runner, but no such thing. he is just a cool guy with a cool gun and cool sword. honestly suprising they didnt try to get his gun for everybody. its like the only weapon in atlantis that can both stun and kill.

teyla.. teyla teyla teyla. meh. kanaan sucks. the kid plotline is actually alright, really liked "The Queen", but... kinda falls flat because the whole Todd aliance dies like two episodes later.

Zelenka deservers more plot, aswell. we know almost nothing about the guy expect that he has pigeons.

im also kinda sad that they felt the need to reintroduce the Asgard. now yes, they do look kinda robotic, or atleast they have some sort of cybernetic enhancement, but man, would it really be that difficult to make up new antagonists? i mean the wraith are so great. i always hoped that the wraith had a rich history, because of what Todd said to Sheppard, in the episode where he feeds on him. and returns his life. i always thought that perhaps long ago they maybe like fed on animals or shit and actually had a society but no, they just.. yeah. i was very hopeful about the whole turn the wraith into lesser wraith so they dont feed? sounded pretty cool honestly. but again the alliance failed so.. pain.

really sad about the episode where Weir returned. its shame they couldnt get the actress back. although, it kinda made sense i suppose, since she was just a consciousness trapped in a computer, and then stuck in the Fran body. i love Fran, by the way.

i have no idea why they decided to shove Carson back in. i know he is a clone and all but.. whats the point?

i definitely wanna see how it all ends, thats the only reason why i didnt drop it yet, because honestly, almost none of these episodes really like.. made me go "damn bro thats good."

i did really like "Inquisition", really started to like Woolsey here. First Contact and The Lost Tribe because Daniel showed up. missed him. honestly he could've become leader of atlantis, haha. Outsiders was kinda interesting? but yeah, thats it man. 6 more episodes to go.

its "Remnants" time.

[lucyfrankenstein]

lucy gucy explain riverdale polycule ending to me

hiiii delilah my FAVORITE topic omgggg.

ok so ok. sooo unabridged. during season 6 our core four characters are EVIL and HATE eachother. just kidding but their relationships. not so good. betty and archie are dating (literally horrifying) and jugheads dating tabitha and veronicas dating reggie or somethign they mightve broken up whatever she killed her husband and then started dating reggie. THEN. to solve this. riverdale hard resets to 1950s for season 7 and makes them all high school juniors and none of them are dating those other people anymore except they kind of are. we get lots of experimenting. veronica and jughead kiss homophobically and theyre like. hm maybe not. but the narrative must go on. jugheads off doing jughead shit and veronica and betty are like hooooooly shit we are liberated women we dont need fuck ass jughead or archie. so they resort to lesbianism as a way of escaping the 1950s riverdale narrative. of dating archie. does this make sense. meanwhile reggie and archie are watching gay porn together and they have a threesome and also archie wants to be a beatnik. which could mean nothing. ok so jughead as mentioned before doing fuckass stuff. and then tabitha shes like you guys are stuck here forever. lol rip goodbye forever ending jughead and tabithas relationship and budding new 1950s tension. so then jughead and veronica are dating airquotes. whatever theyre really funny to me. SO THEN. final episode. betty is 80 years old and DYING. and as shes dying angel jughead. takes her back to her last day of senior year to relive her best memories and then. an d then shes like gay kevin whats happening i dont remember 😇 and gay kevins like youve been in a relationship with betty and archie and jughead for the past year :) so then later we cut to how this relationship works out. jughead and veronica hook up and betty and archie hook up and betty and veronica hook up and POINTEDLY. POINTEDLY. there is no jughead archie hook up scene. sometimes the absence of something says more about it than its presence. also reggie even though he is part of archie bisexualism is NOT in the polycule instead fuckass jughead is and betty goes up to reggie and is like iM SORRY. 😇 and hes like its ok. i get it well i dont jughead SUCKS. moving on so she finishes the day and then angel jughead takes her to the big pops in the sky and the four of them sit at a bench trapped as teenagers forever also after they graduated they never saw eachother again. hope this helps 😇😇

TLDR. riverdale is about the QUADRILATION. of desire. and they did it. and then exploded everyone 😇

[dorkicon]

📋 okay, I’ll take the bait. Favorite villains across all media, and why?

anon i have to be honest, i wasnt quite sure what to do with this one. i think i probably couldve added more, but this spread is already ridiculous enough as is. i also limited myself to just a few tf guys. lol.

erm...behold.

and just for the hell of it...i WILL tell you why!

TIER 1:

hal9000 (2001): canonically did nothing wrong. he was confused. technically a villain though i guess.

jason voorhees (friday the 13th. you know who jason is.): idk man hes just. hes cute to me. hes fun. you should read that texas chainsaw crossover where he makes friends with leatherface

rampage (beast wars): i am worlds number 1 crab defender. they expected him to become a monster, why was everyone so surprised when he turned out like one 🙄

TIER 2:

self explanatory if youve followed me for more than 3 seconds idk what more to add.

TIER 3:

deathsaurus (victory): sometimes it takes a man to be a failwife. idk i just really like his look. mister handsome.

TIER 4:

wesker (resident weevil): i love wesker. i have such a soft spot for villains who take their shit deathly seriously. COMPLETE. GLOBAL. SATURATION. i think i couldve put him in the bisexuality tier. lol

garthe (knight rider): david hasselhoff wore a fake moustache and goatee to play his evil twin. they just dont make tv like they used to.

cykill (gobots): megatron hardware running beast wars megatron software. why does he sound like that. also couldve gone in bisexuality tier but if i sat and explained it to you id sound insane

skeletor (he man): Skeletor.

cobra commander (gi joe): bisexuality already saved him in the gi joe animated movie idk. hes like if starscream led the cons and megatron was stuck as his sic. very funny scenario.

TIER 5:

char (gundam): watch chars counterattack if you dont know what im talking about here, i guess

magneto (xmen): hes another one whose villain status is...eeeh. but i like him. he and charles make up and kiss like every issue theyre in together. dont fact check that. just trust me.

dr doom (marvel): he carries a wallet sized picture of reed richards in the bifold he keeps in his idiot metal pants

ichijou (kaiji): well, considering how shit went for him, bisexuality couldnt have made it any worse.

TIER 6:

megatron (beast wars): i fucking love bwtron lol. particularly before the final season, where he has his little power trip. i think hes a lot of fun, and im perfectly happy not sympathizing with him. hes a bad guy n he loves it. so do i, lol.

dukat (star trek ds9): ugh dukat suuuucks. hes so smarmy and SO convinced hes in the right. so i love him hahhah. i think marc alaimo is just a wonderful actor too!

tsurumi (golden kamuy): i gotta admit, i think like...its really easy for "smart" villains to fall flat if the story isnt there to support them. luckly, golden kamuy fuckin rocks. and lt tsurumi is scary as hell lol

ash (alien): 'i cant lie to you about your chances...but you have my sympathies." ....AAAAAHHH!!! so cold. and cool. hes probably the scariest thing anyone can be...a capitalist.

AM (ihnmaims): huge fan of the voice work in the bbc audio drama honestly. such a misanthropic little freak. (big freak?)

TIER 7:

jungle hunter (predator 87): idc okay. he looked COOL. WOOHOO. what a fucking beautiful creature suit, right? and the face animatronics? good god.

Q (star trek tng): i think its funny how he fucks with picard okay. again, probably not a full villain. but its MY list.

honorable mentions:

sunder, straxus: well. i just forgot to add them until i already had the damn thing made okay

i almost added johan from monster and reinhard from lotgh but i reached my limit of blonde men already with char and wesker. ryo devilman was another casualty. edit: I ALSO COULDVE ADDED FUCKING OCELOT MGS

umm...oh, i dont know. hannibal. from hannibal.

[ahsokazworld]

So my other obsession of the month is wheel of time and I saw episode 7 and boy o BOY do I have major thoughts and I need to get them out.

Siuan?? What the hell? Following LONG ass post is in defence of Siuan because the general consensus there is right now about Siuan just doesn't rhyme for me.

ONE thing all of Siuan actions did, it brought out SO MUCH .

Liandrin drew out 1 dark friend (Moiraines nephew) and he consequently got locked away (or killed).

One Forsaken showed herself to an entire city, no more hiding or denying (at least not from the Aes Sedai because there were like 14(!) there)

Siuan clearly has doubts about Verin and Verin acted exactly as expected (now I think Verin has a lot more going on but hey 🤷🏼‍♀️)

When Siuan shields Rand, she pushes Moiraine to say all of her intentions with Rand and their decades build plans in front off Rand as if he is not there. Which Moiraine does to protect Rand from Siuan.

Siuan asks Rand if he has channelled carefully and deliberately (not verbatim but this is the general idea), which he hasn't. She scolds him for it and says that he hasn't learned much in 6 months, which is absolutely true.

Which leads to:

Moiraine is shielded (something I do not think Lan figured out on his own) and subsequently released of said shield by Rand when she tells Rand that she trusts him. When last season Moiraine very clearly showed that she doesn't. Rand needed to hear that from Moiraine. It pushed Rand to actually use the one power very DELIBERATELY and CAREFULLY otherwise, Moiraine dead. Now who again scolded Rand about that I wonder hmmm 🤔

Which brings me to the following and perhaps most important point:

Rand now 100% trusts Moiraine, he believes Moiraine does want to protect and guide him to save the world, which previously he didnt. He was confused about what was going on and felt like a toy being played from all sides. Siuan put Moiraine in an impossible situation and Moiraine chose Rand, the dragon reborn because she knows that is the right thing to do. Rand needed to be shown Moiriane will give everything to save the world including turning away from Siuan and being made to do something she does not want (closing the gate).

It is VITAL that he does because Moiraine will be the only one capable of providing Rand the protection and guidance that he needs to save the world. He only does at the end of this episode, which is nearly at the end of this season. They already lost too much time. Drastic extreme measures are unfortunately required because Siuan was right, Moiraines way wasn't working.

At the end of this episode due to Siuans actions, he doesn't trust any Aes Sedai, which is good because you know Black Ajah and doesnt trust the Forsaken, but he very clearly does trust Moiraine, and that WILL set him on the right path.

If I can trust book readers, Siuan is a very powerful channeler. However, like Egwene, it's her intelligence that is actually her greatest power. She is a crazy smart woman and nowhere near as impulsive, brash and stubborn as Moiraine, aka Pufferfish.

Something that stuck by me is that Siuan said "you have given everything, Im going to row beside you now". Siuan knows Moiraine will absolutely not let her. Moiraine is like Nyneave in that way. She would rather die than let anyone she loves do that.

Siuan has given up a lot this episode and put power back with Moiraine, leaving herself incredibly vulnerable, having lost her one true ally, Moiraine. Going back to a tower filled with enemies, she's f*cked, and she knows it, but she needs Moiraine focused on her mission, not on Siuans' potential downfall. Because that will definitely be a distraction for Moiraine.

There is no way in hell a Master chess player like Siuan would move her pawns so early and openly like she seems to be doing in this episode. That is not Siuan. Everyone in WOT world, though, needs to believe that she is (including Moiraine).

[verycharismaticdragon]

Do you know why everyone and their mother keeps saying that Sheb Qingqiu's secluded cultivation lasts for a year or 3??? Last I checked, wasn't he only in the cave for several months??

...I haven't seen a fic use that timeframe in quite a while - am I the delusional one??

Having intensively cultivated for several months, he could freely control his spiritual energy and had risen one level above his original cultivation base.

... nope, still as I remembered from the official book, page 85 in my copy. Even my old Exiled Rebels translation puts it as, "several months." Last I checked, 12 (or 36) months is far too many to simply be considered "several", so what am I missing? It just- throws off the timeline so badly and greatly increases the amount of time poor Binghe is stuck in the woodshed, for what?

Okay, so the 3 years thing comes from the donghua, no need to look further. It's one of those things that directly go against canon but have stuck in people's minds, similar to 'the washerwoman was the one to pull baby Binghe out of the river' and 'Shen Qingqiu fainted dramatically several times early on in his transmigration'.

Then, I don't believe I have seen 1 year myself, but if I had to guess, it may come from the fact that Binghe is 14yo prior to SQQ entering seclusion and 15 once he leaves. That said, an entire year makes zero sense considering what we know of the timeline.

Which is where I confess that I tore out some hair over the length of SQQ's seclusion when constructing the timeline for Transmigrator Time Traveler, because for me 'several' months means 3 to 5, but given all the facts, SQQ's seclusion had to last somewhere between 6 and 10 instead. (I went with 9 in the end, for the fic, cause I've read that 9 is a significant number for spiritual practices cultivation is based on? the source was a little vague so i don't know how true that is, but I needed a number.)

Nevermind, to the aforementioned facts. MXTX confirmed the date of the first chapter publication - Sept.21 - to be the date of SQQ's transmigration. (Small note: I'll be using modern months, even though SV's world uses lunar calendar, because it's easier to gauge weather and stuff. For characters in the novel, they might see those as different months/seasons, but that doesn't really affect our purpose here.) Luo Binghe’s 15th birthday - which Shen Qingqiu missed in seclusion - is in winter ('coldest day' which I after some research came to hc as jan6, though that's not particularly relevant, because...) Demon invasion happened on a 'hot day' (SQQ mentions it in relation to how SHL is dressed) - which puts it in May at the earliest, August at the latest. So these are the 'borders' we are working with.

Now, to my actual calculations. We know SQQ spent some time on the Peak after transmigration, before the Skinner mission that led to him going to seclusion. So I'm gonna say that happened in October at the earliest, December if you stretch it (though I feel like his tatas would freeze off if the Skinner left him half-undressed in December...) - but definitely not later, cause Binghe’s birthday has to happen off-screen. So if we take the longest possible time frame, October to August, we get 10 months. The slimmest possible window - December to May - gives us 5 months, but between the aforementioned boob hypothermia issue and the fact that May is a bit of a stretch for the 'hot day', I think that 6 months is the shortest you can go.

Which, again, doesn't align with my understanding of what should be described as 'several' months, but what can you do... tbh, im not sure MXTX thought all that hard about the timeline, which is understandable as a writer - but as a fan, frustrating

So yeah - definitely less than a year (and absolutely not 3, donghua), though the math gets fuzzier after that.

[coolchevistianofficialsite]

What are your thoughts on Disney TVA's upcoming lineup (Primos, Zombies The Re-Animated Series, StuGo, Cookies & Milk, Rhona Who Lives By The River, Sam Witch, Dog & Frog, SuperStar, The Witchverse, InterCats, Fantasy Sports, Neon Galaxy, La Familia Avenunes, Journey and the Darkwing Duck and TaleSpin reboots by Seth Rogen?

1- Primos

Mira mijo para mí toda la polémica estuvo bien pendeja, ya que todo el crew del show fue puesto en el mismo saco de boxeo por las declaraciones de Myrna Velasco, como persona que conoce a Natasha Kline desde su trabajo en Big City Greens te puedo asegurar por Dieguito Maradona que no es un demonio como otras personas en el internet la están poniendo.

El show NO es sobre la cultura mexicana es sobre la cultura chicana en Los Angeles y como persona que se vio el piloto filtrado antes de que un chistosito lo subiera para crear bardo te digo que es lo mas harmless y inocentón del mundo, los que se están quejando son gente que solo lo hace para crear ragebait y farmear vistas.

2- Zombies The Re-Animated Series

Not really my thing since the movies where "eh" for me but those days i was sick, so i recall the songs, happy for Aliki and the team tho, probably will watch it when i rewatch the films.

3- StuGo

Really interested for this one specially since this one is slated to be Disney TVA's 100th Series, so im curious if Disney will have some kind of event planned besides that, the synopsis is interesting also this show had multiple people of Jellystone! and the crew from the axed CN movie Driftwood on board, so i think it will be interesting as the show saved this people from being jobless.

Just realized that is called "STUGO" beacuse they are STUdents stuck three months on a wild tropical island, so they need to "GO".

Heh. It's like a pun or something. Heheh.

4 - Cookies & Milk

Apparently this is the second project from the Moon Girl And Devil Dinosaur EPs, i wonder how will they handle a down to earth slice of life series, imagine if they hire Flying Bark again becoming their first slice of life project with the Rise/LEGO/MGADD animation lol

5- Rhona Who Lives By The River

I like how the concept art has a Cartoon Saloon vibe and wondering how will translate to stop-motion which is interesting, i like Karen Gillian for her role as Nebula on GOTG trilogy, what i wonder is how Disney will handle the show with the Elfman scandal, will they quietly drop it without any mention of Elfman like MAX did with Fired on Mars EP or finding a new composer for Season 2.

6- The Witchverse

I played the VR short recently and OMG is so cute and adorable, the world they created has a big potential for multiple storylines, hoping S1 is more focused on Magda, Sasha (Yeah they have to change her name) and her mother, their relationship was so adorable, hope Daisy Ridley returns for the full series.

7- InterCats

Apparently this will be Disney's first workplace comedy series for YA audiences and it sounds cute, apparently is co-created by one of the Nimona screenwritters Pamela Ribon, so that's a plus.

8- Fantasy Sports

Super looking forward to this one, i loved the original novels and hoping Disney makes justice to Sam Bosma's world and characters, i can see Wiz and Mug becoming perfect additions to crosspromotion events at ESPN.

9- SuperStar

BTW just like to mention that i named it SuperStar as a placeholder title, the show dosn't have a name as of yet, based on the cast call we can see that Alejandra is latina so maybe it's a mixture between MGADD and Hannah Montana, wonder which person created the show.

10.- Journey

Since we don't know it's creator is very hard to tell what to expect BUT the synopsis is interesting kinda a awnser to LEGEND OF VOX MACHIMA but more family friendly, im wonder if this is the project created by Amy Hudkins, Ian Mutchler and Jonathon Wallach since they like Dungeons and Dragons, Legend Of Zelda and Magic The Gathering.

11- La Familia Avenúñez

It's a spin-off of The Proud Family Louder And Prouder with a latino cast pues suena chido la vdd, esperemos que cuando se anuncie no ocurra lo mismo que Primos.

12 - Dog And Frog, Neon Galaxy, Sam Witch

They don't have creator or synopsis as of yet besides a title revealed via a trademark, so it's hard to give overall thoughts

13- Darkwing Duck and TaleSpin Reboots

After TMNT Mutant Mayhem, The Boys, The Boys Diabolical and Invincible im confident that Rogen's team will do Darkwing Duck and TaleSpin justice and wishing good luck to the crew behind them.