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coffeecrusadeclub · 5 years ago

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Roadtrip -tyrus fic

TJ POV:

I climbed into the passenger side of Cyrus's car. We were driving out to see Andi in New York. We had this trip planned since we found out Andi got accepted into the New York Institute of Art and Design a year ago. Of course there was a few details that changed since then. Buffy and Jonah were supposed to ride with me and Cyrus but Buffy caught a flight over there a week ago and Jonah couldnt get off work.

So that means it just me and Cyrus.. in a small green BMW... alone... for at least two days to and back

I mean dont get me wrong it's not that I didnt love the idea of a road trip with him or the idea of crashing at a hotel after long day of driving. Being alone with him just makes me so nervous, I mean I have been crushing on him since I was 15, that was five years ago and I still like him as much as I did in the beginning if not more. Hes my best friend and I know he wouldn't be upset about me liking him probably. I mean hes out and proud. But I'm not out I'm not proud. I'm afraid that's the way it's always been.

"TJ! My mans you ready to roll" Cyrus pulled me out of my thoughts, his voice filled with enthusiasm. It was cute and I felt a ball grow in the pit of my stomach. You cant like him TJ its wrong

"I- uh yeah! Let's go!! NY here we come!"

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We had left at around 4am on Friday (to beat morning traffic as much as we could). It was now Saturday and there was about 2 hours left of us jamming out to Cavetown, Alec Benjamin, and many other amazing artists when Cyrus's phone went off.

"Who texted me? Can you check?" Cyrus asked only looking away from the road for a moment to look at me.

"Yeah hold up." I grabbed his phone, unlocking it to check the message.

"Uh- it's someone named Johnathon.. he put 'want to come over again tonight?' What do I tell him?"

I looked over at Cyrus who had stopped humming along to the music.

"I- uh tell him um tell him no and I'll talk to him later" he stumbled over his words. I nodded and typed out the text reading it outloud to get approval before pushing send.

"So... is he like your boyfriend or like a hookup or something?" I asked, trying to conceal the jealousy in my voice.

"Wh- no definitely not Teej" he replied defensively

"Hey I'm not judging you just a question"

"Sorry I just.. Hes just a friend. He likes me but it's not mutual and he keeps inviting me over but I'm not into him ya know?"

"Yeah, you should definitely tell him though. Sooner rather than later"

"I know theres a lot of things I should tell a lot of people but sometimes it's scary"

"Yeah there's a few things I'm afraid of saying to so I get you" I looked over at him for a second and smiled. The sun was setting and the glow it created around him was beautiful. He was beautiful. I cleared my throat shaking myself out of the thought and adjusted myself so I was facing away from him

"Are you okay Teej?" He put 1 hand on my back, the other still on the wheel.

"Yeah I'm-im fine" I muttered pulling away from his touch.

"You can talk to me about anything TJ I promise"

"I- itll change how you look at me"

"No TJ you're my best friend, I love you man I'm not gona judge you"

I felt my throat tighten at his words "later- on the way home maybe" I tried to respond calmly but my voice broke anyway and I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I wasnt going to tell him I knew I wasnt. He was gona forget and I'd be off the hook.

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We spent 3 days in NY with Andi before we had to leave. Buffy stayed because her flight wasnt for a couple days. At first the drive was quiet, I was worried he'd bring our conversation up from 3 days prior.

We had been talking about everything really. Our lives, our hopes and dreams. And then the inevitable happened, I should have known better than to think he'd forget.

"What was it that made you cry the other day Teej... you said youd tell me on the way home"

I was driving so I didnt turn to look at him but I knew he was staring at me, waiting for me to answer. I tightened my grip on the steering wheel. I wanted to tell him but my dads words from years prior kept playing in my head: "boys dont like boys TJ, its wrong. Do you want to go to hell? Dishonor our family? Then shape up"

"I um I dont know what youre talking about Cy, sorry. I guess I forgot"

"Tyler James Kippen you are so full of it. Please talk to me" I looked at him and instantly regretted it. I sighed

"I cant Cyrus. You don't get it. I can't tell you. If I tell you its real- I cant disappoint my family theyll h-hate me" My voice cracked and I put the emergency lights on, pulling to the side of the road.

I put my head down, resting my forehead against the steering wheel. I let out a small sob and shook my head. "I cant do it man"

"TJ hey no no nobody is going to hate you. Youll be okay I promise"

"Cyrus I'm- I'm gay and-" I stopped myself, did I want to do this? My dad's voice echoed in my head and I sighed.

"And?"

"And Im in love with you.. I felt this way since I met you but I was scared. I am scared.. People like me don't deserve people like you... My family is going to hate me. I hate me, there's something wrong with me."

"TJ no there is nothing wrong with you. You're family is not going to hate you. It might take them time to get used to but Ive met your family and they love you so much. That's not going to change. Im here okay? I love you too"

I looked up at him "You do?"

"Yes I have for a long time. Gosh Teej, and here I thought Jonah was oblivious." He teased and I looked up at him, a smile on my face.

I'm still apprehensive about the future but with him by my side? Well for the first time in ever I actually believe that Im going to be okay

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survivor-rotuma · 5 years ago

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Ep. 2: “iF yOu SeE a VoLcAnO wHy NoT jUmP oVeR iT” - Marie

Marie

Fuckin volcano

Felix

I feel secure because Charlie is going to be the one to go. I just know it. If we go to tribal that is. They have barely spoken and I don't know them too well. Might be the same for everyone else here

Marie

Still salty bout the goddamn volcano

Marie

iF yOu SeE a VoLcAnO wHy NoT jUmP oVeR iT

Flint

I am really enjoying the banter with Jay and our tribe. Having a great time with this immunity challenge and chatting with Joey and Felix. Wish the other tribe mates were as active.

Brianna

Ya know coming into this competition i didn’t expect it to be me and Bradley as the last two people representing our team. I guess he’s gonna be more active now since his busy week is over so that’s swell but like. God I really wanna sleep.

Felix

To sum up, I feel like I am getting a deeper bond with Flint and Joey. They seem to be willing to talk with me most often. So, even if we do go to tribal I am safe for the most part. I just feel like I am liked in the tribe. Also, I am the one putting in the most work for the tribe, so I have that going for me. I just feel safe because of the work I have put in, but I don't want to give up just yet. If I can avoid tribal, then I will. According to both Joey and Flint, Suzy and Charlie have been very inactive. Therefore, it will be them on the chopping block come time for tribal. Joey thinks Charlie is more inactive whereas Flint thinks Suzy is more inactive. It'll just come down to what Cassie and I feel in the end. Doesn't hurt us either way since I think they are the weakest links on our tribe, especially Charlie. I don't think she put in enough effort last immunity challenge. Plus, she was totally inactive for this challenge that she auto-lost. Cassie missed this challenge too, but she at least did really well last challenge. If we go to tribal, I think I would vote for Charlie in the end since they are the person I feel least closest to. If only Bradley dropped, I could win this challenge for my tribe and cement my place as a valuable asset.

Lysandre

I am SO SORRY GIGI! I thought you were a returnee so I decided to snap! The comment looked pretty mean compared to the others, which it was. The tribe, Marie and Kathleen, was wondering who said the mean comment and they believed it was David. I said yeah I think it was him as well. I love accidently painting a target in him and being a rat child.

Lysandre

Ok so I completely missed the challenge! I had no idea it was going to start early and I was at ine of ny sibling's events. I'm rooting for my team and hoping that my absence doesn't paint a target on my back. Also! I am loving being Lysandre! The writer in me is having a field day because I get to create a character and their background, quirks, and personality BUT THEN I GET TO BECOME THEM.

Flint

I couldn't outlast that second Immunity challenge. It was fun but my body couldn't carry on. I hope that Felix can pull through for Tuai! If we have to go to tribal I think it will be an easy vote, for me at least. I think that Cassie or Suzy should go. Cassie hasn't shown much initiative as our leader and Suzy isn't very social.

Bradley

This challenge is taking forever. Im the last one for my tribe. I dont want to lose cuz itll suck and havent been on that much so my soical game isnt too strong either. I just want to beat one tribe.

Cassie

I'm so proud of Felix for sticking it out for the tribe so that we don't have to go to tribal tonight. Plus we still have the numbers advantage, so that is always a positive.

Flint

So relieved we won immunity again! The Tuai tribe is unstoppable so look out! I'm a little jealous that Felix won an advantage but he deserves it and maybe with some buttering up he'll share the information with me.

Felix

Can you believe I have done THAT! I single-handedly won this challenge for my tribe, and got an advantage on top of that. I know why Raul and Kathleen gave it to me, though. If I won and people knew I had an advantage, I would have a big target on my back. It does seem that Kathleen and Raul are working together, so I have to watch out for them. Whether I tell this to anyone on my tribe is a different matter entirely. Though they all know I have an advantage. I think I won't be seen as a threat until later on in the game. I'm still an asset to them though this early on so I hope I would stay if we had to go to tribal in this stage of the game.

Raul

I really did not think I was gonna be able to compete but I got back into it was in the last 2 of our tribe. When it came down to 4 of us 2vs1vs1 we knew we needed to just knock out Bradley and he did that to himself. The best thing to come out was that Kathleen and I grew together plus I'm pretty sure I know the identity of Kathleen which helps cause I love this person. Also there was a individual advantage to be won and Felix had 0 while Kathleen and I had 2. Kathleen and I had decided that Felix could have it but try to work a little magic and make a relationship with him and a deal to work together if the opportunity arose. My smart self realized that that if we just gave it to him it would be announced we made a deal, so I said we continue the comp and just throw it that way it wouldn't be revealed what we were actually doing. This way it keeps this threesome possibility a secret. Whether it remains one or not we shall see. At the very least we aren't going to tribal. Hoorah, 1 point Raul the Snake 0 points survivor gods . . .

Kathleen

"Ohhhh bitch this ones gonna be different from my last one.

David? Trash. Will 100% be the one to go next tribal we go to if I have anything to say about it.

Marie? The sweetest and most opinionated 13 year old I’ve ever met. We love a politically aware teen.

Lysandre? *insert that lady Gaga gif of her going ‘gorgeous, amazing incredible’ ect*

And Raul? I’m sooo glad we were the last two left in the immunity challenge. We bonded AND made an underhanded deal with someone from another tribe. Can you say icons?

Hotel? Trivago."

Bradley

I could still potentially be going home. Since someone brought up the fact that they all talked how they havent talked to me a lot. They do appreciate me doing really well in the challenge and i have Apollo and Brianna wanting to work with me each separately. So hopefully i can avoid being voted off this round and just work on more social connections with them all.

Suzy

love felix but lowkey what if they are doing this for everyone

Boris

"Hello im STRESSED. I went from feeling like im in a comfortable position on the tribe, to the absolute bottom just in one day. Being forced to sit out of the challenge really fucked me up. I feel like the tribe is low-key bitter at me.

And on top of that. We have less than 12 hours to vote someone out. And NO ONE is really talking game to me. Im so nervous. The only person I connect with on a game level is Apollo. I have no idea where the tribe is leaning, but I have a sinking feeling its me.

God I hope im wrong and just insanely paranoid. "

Boris

"IN HAPPIER NEWS. I finally got something GOOD in the idol hunt? And it could be game changing!!!

I found 1 half of a super idol. It can't help me tonight but its leverage, and a super idol is the most powerful thing in the game, it could literally save my life in the future of the game. All i have to do is survive tonight, if I have to use the super idol piece as leverage, I will. "

Felix

I think the advantage is less about doing someone on the other tribe a favor. I'm telling everyone about it because, if I do that, it garners trust because they know I'll be open with them about any advantages I have. Plus, it wouldn't hurt to tell the truth to gain trust. The extra vote could also get me an ally on the other side. Let's see if this plays out like I hope it does.

David

Everyone is nice which makes it hard to decide who to vote off. Performance in the next challenge will base my vote and probably others.

Felix

I think my plan is working. Cassie offered me an alliance with her and Flint. I think those two are really cool so I think working with them is in my best interest. Also, I have connections with Mea through Raul and Kathleen. Hopefully, since I'm giving an extra vote to Bradley, I can gain a connection with him despite not having met him. I hope this plays out well! My social game seems to be climbing!

Felix

I have made my first alliance in this game! It's the Tuai Quad Alliance, LLC featuring Cassie, Joey, Flint, and I. It's basically everyone I wanted to work with since the beginning of the game! I think I have found myself in a good position on this tribe. To be honest, I'd like to see Charlie go first, but we'll see how this all pans out. I'm glad I finally have a security blanket though. Hurray for a good social game!

Cassie

I love being a part of the Tuai tribe and was happy to become the leader. Despite liking all of my tribemates, I've become part of an alliance. We're calling it the TQA, LLC. Maybe someday that can be trademarked, hehe. But the Tuai Quad power is strong with Felix, Flint, Joey, and myself.

Brianna

Well. We lost the challenge. I made a pact with Bradley that we should stick together since we were the last two people left in the challenge. I also talked to Apollo and Boris. I seem to be close to them. Boris mentioned making an alliance with me, him, Bradley, and Apollo and I would be totes down for that. So. Guess this will be pretty simple hopefully

Zest

I just cast my first vote and it was wild. I didn't know what to expect going in to tribal. I hope no one blindsides me because I am really getting invested in this game. I think while my performance in the last challange wasn't the greatest, I can still be a strong social player. Not sure if I'm feeling like Parvati or Hannah Shapiro. I need another few weeks to find out what kind of player I am going to be.

Charlie

I feel so bad for missing the challenge but once again not much new is happening.

Boris

"I have been putting in WERK todah to make sure I'm in the best possible position going into tonight.

I first was talking to Brianna, and she mentioned the only people she didnt wanna vote was me, Apollo, and Bradley. So, naturally, when presented with a majority of the tribe, I suggest an alliance! Ofc she agrees hehe, so now thats in the works.

On my tribe, the most likable people and those I get along with/vibe the most with is Apollo and Zest. I approach them both and plant that seed, another alliance of just us three forms. Im SO excited to be working with them, we bounce off each other really well and I truly think we can go to the end together.

So yeah, even tho I was worried this morning I think I placed myself in a near perfect position. I really don't think theres any way I leave tonight. "

Joey

unfortunately, i wasn’t the best in the challenge but at least i showed up! i was invited in by cassie to an alliance with her felix and flint, but it was obvious i was the last one asked. i plan on being loyal, but i need to let cassie play leader while i get closer with felix. slow and steady.

Thomas M

Not much, Bradley did well on the challenge but unfortunately we are in the bottom. Have been preoccupied with a big assignment so have not gotten to fully experience things in the last round at least. Am nervous of who is going to get booted, excited to see what's to come!

Marie

Wow, idol hunt hates me

Apollo

We lost, I feel like I’m getting played though, if this is the last you’ve seen of Apollo, it’s been a great run!

Brianna

I’m really laughing over Thomas’ first message to me after we lost 30 minutes before tribal....like...it’s a little too late sorry bud

Bradley

It looks like the vote should be Thomas which Im fine with. And theres an alliance of Borris, Apollo, and Brianna who want to make a four person with me which makes me really happy. Started off rocky in this game but with challenge preformance actually helped me a lot.

Apollo

Borris and Apollo? “Name a more iconic duo”

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ts-akhmim · 4 years ago

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Episode 12 | “Beauty got problems and Brawn got problems”- Autumn

wow. just wow. i sure did just do that and im so proud. i proved to myself im a deserving winner tonight. i will fight to the death to get my allies to the end because lets be real i sure am not making it KJSDFLASFLA.

i was going to start this confessional out in a celebratory tone but YOU KNOW WHAT I STILL AM BECAUSE WE JUST DID THAT. I typically like to be my own biggest hater and drag myself in my confessionals a lot just as a way to clock myself and try to see the other perspective, but BITCH I KNOW I SNAPPED THIS ROUND AND IF YOU DONT THINK I DID LEMME HIT YOU WITH SOME FACTS; FACT: I CORRECTLY USED MY ADVANTAGE AND WON IMMUNITY DURING WHAT WAS A PERTINENT ROUND https://media.tenor.com/images/6c2f88af1bd5a24853849df11a566947/tenor.gif FACT: UPON FINDING OUT I HAD IMMUNITY I KNOW DEVON WAS COMING TO ME TRYING TO KEEP ME UNDER HIS WING, OH YEAH ADAM, JUST VOTE IN THE MINORITY, AND GO ALONG WITH BEING AT THE BOTTOM, AND IT WAS M E DECIDING I DIDNT WANT TO DO THAT AND SPILLING THE TEA THAT LED TO GETTING AN OUTCOME I WANTED https://media.tenor.com/images/6c2f88af1bd5a24853849df11a566947/tenor.gif FACT: it was ME who also went to autumn/ali and started planting seeds of doubt in their minds about jake and it's turning out it's helped me solidify my position with them better https://media.tenor.com/images/6c2f88af1bd5a24853849df11a566947/tenor.gif FACT: It's also still me who's aligned with 2 or 3, if you include jake, of the biggest targets left in the game and i already have augusto and amir sliding in my pms trying to play pity me boo hoo hoo like gorl plea im not buying it but yall wanna keep singing kumbaya? well ill sing the encore and be twice as fake as yall (i DO love them both as people just as a disclaimer but from a game perspective? they're beasts!) https://media.tenor.com/images/6c2f88af1bd5a24853849df11a566947/tenor.gif ok, boasting over, time to hop off cloud nine and get back to reality because FACT: we all just made a big move, so the target on all of us, including myself, just went up, FACT: i could easily be delusional and maybe i had NOTHING to do with this blindside SJDFA but lemme bask in my fake glory anyway itll be funny to read after at least... FACT: The war has truly only just begun, that was a great victory but if me/ali/autumn are really in it like we're saying, we may still have another idol on our side, but we're gonna need more than that, it's kinda funny we're one brain, one brawn, one beauty and i think that speaks volumes i truly love these gals and think this is a good game route for me. some people might think it's foolish of me to align with the big threats and go deep with them, but who's to say im not worthy of being in their company? if it wasnt for my social connection with devon he wouldve never told me the plan, and then autumn is the smart one so she kept us composed and together, and then ali was the brawn he had the idol and got the job done. So im gonna just try and stick with this for now, hopefully they feel the same and dont try to oust me right away because then ill look like a whole fool and a half OOP, and ill plaster my fake smiles on for everyone else and kiki it up we can haha hehe all day long but i wont hesitate to vote them out because trust and believe.

Last Day 30 was my last day playing TS: Guyana, so this is a nice feeling to still be here. But now the fun kicks in. Jakey helped orchestrate the Devon blindside with the Ali idol, so I guess we're even. And now, assuming Jakey is still actually with me, which I think he is, I think we can run this game for the longrun. He has access to Ali, Autumn, and Adam and I have access to the three Beauties. I truly see this being beneficial for the both of us in terms of keeping one another safe and allowing us to get to the final six unharmed. Final six is important for me. I'm not sure if I've admitted this in an earlier confessional or not, but I have the Legacy Advantage (thank you Jordan Pines!) that I can use at six. So I just need to survive two more tribals. If I can do that, I have a seat in the final five, probably two more rounds to survive before getting to FTC, and then I have a shot. I really need to start building a resume if I want to win this game, but I think I have a chance. I really need to get Ali and Autumn out in these next three rounds. If I can do that, I see myself being able to make the end with the likes of Jakey, Kendall, Augusto, and maybe Adam (Amir will become a threat at five or six I think) and then I have at least a shot at the win, but I really need to keep my head down, keep the social game going, and make a move or two here.

so. i think i have some explaining to do JKLASDFA huh? i was on calls for the like three hours before tribal so i didn't really confess at all.. in fact i think in my last confessional i said that we were voting 4-3-3 which did not happen at all so i think i need to fill in some gaps huh? so... i have known since like 11pm EST yesterday that i was getting votes tonight. devon told, adam told me and then told autumn, but then autumn didn't want to tell me until later in the day which i honestly do think was fair so we weren't spiralling for hours. we were all sus of jake all day (and lowkey i still am?)... like i dont know when his energy because so shady, plus devon may have told adam that jake was in on the plan? plus he kept saying stuff like the vote has gone "back to kendall" and kept pushing me not to play the idol... something does not add up right with that. anyway so that demonic group of five voted for me, and lied SO much to make me leave with my idol? like why not just make me paranoid, leak the vote to adam or jake then vote autumn get me to waste an idol and then autumn leaves? now that would've been a good move hello?! but that group does not know how to blindside, idols have sabotaged their plans twice and amir/augusto should consider themselves lucky that they are still in the game. also kendall fought me at tribal because i was being cocky... but she literally tried to blindside me into leaving with an idol hello?! i appreciate that she thought she was going, but she is zero to too much way too quick. augusto can literally suck my ass our call was him and his bad excuse for jury management, like can he at least be like amir and pretend to want to work with me? anyway so moving forwards, i wanna vote out kendall or augusto this round. amir can stick around because he at least pretends to wanna work with me plus he is a threat too. idek i just want all the fake people in this tribe gone. i will not vote for adam, autumn or jake. i will vote for any of the others, im not fussed about the order in which i do so. im living on borrowed time in this game and im going to make it count

Sorry this is two parts I thought my friend was gonna die lol but she's fine. Remember kids, there's no dick worth dying over and a straight guy rejecting you is a blessing in disguise these days (considering the alternatives).

Now on with the show hahaha

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1-AkqQGDYzlccP1VFwpPNo-aCQPFmoj9Z https://drive.google.com/open?id=1bVcBqq0JL2-ybgTiS2vOrYURbCG0kIxh

youtube

thots on final 8: augusto: would cut me to win, literal love of my life, super kind and empathetic and genuinely good person, i think his social game is fire and i think he has a way with people, and downplays how smart and cutthroat he really is constantly, but i love the kid so much ali: the brit has to die ali again: okay im kidding i like him a lot but tbh hes a smart fucking guy, i think hes super cool and and also a badass with that idol play, hes a force but he has to go soon autumn: lana stan, coolest girl around, queen of the social game, queen of likability, queen of controlling rounds and letting others take the hit, a damn threat, she could win this game tj: sweetheart, we need each other in the game rn, i need need need to secure his loyalty adam: hes kinda crazy but he has a good heart, kinda just following ali and autumn rn, not gonna win in the end kendall: i have a soft spot for this crackhead, she deserves the world, probably cant win at the end but im happy i met her, shes on my side and a vote i can use moving forward jakey: love him to death would die 4 him, would beat me in the end and at immunities also the fact that kendall augusto and i are all still here is so fucking funny, like bitch how kejwnfkewjnfkejnwfkjnewkfnewk cockroaches

So numbers on surface Jakey - adam - autumn - Ali Kendall - Amir - Augusto - tj Round 5: Adam - Ali - autumn Amir - kendall - Augusto In the middle: jakey - tj So I just have to work on them

when i tell you ive been hooting and hollering what the fuck is going on in the survivor on this day, who the hell would've thought id win my third individual immunity in one season, gorl that is probably the most 2020 thing to happen in this game. although two of them pretty much were dumb luck afdjks either that or maybe im doing a little better than i think i truly dont know, and the touchy subjects clocked me on THAT as; what was it they said, 'the person they forget is in the game' and also 'least aware of their place' okay well yes im AWARE ive BEEN lost and asking for help this whole game gorl! But that's great, that's how i want people to view me, because uh... i just won 3 of these things now and that alone is reason to target me, granted im doing my best to play it up like dont worry! im just a dumb dumb! and clearly theyre eating that up like crazy, because it's both just the truth but also strategy if i keep playing it up, so watch out meryl, adam's in town! also LOVE that i knew i was gonna get most likely to have the idol i dont know how many times i have to say it IM INNOCENT AND BEING FRAMED FOR A FOOL and ooh dont even get me started on all the other tea it spilled, i actually got the LEAST of the bad things, i guess i kinda exposed myself because i made most of my chops at amir, augusto, and tj oop, so they probably didnt like that but they really left me no choice strategically, screw with me, i screw back, simple as that. As far as the vote too ummm.....it's been quiet tonight on my end so hope that doesnt make me a fool because this time last vote was a disaster, at this point im still thinking i need to stick with ali and autumn because this vote is so pertinent, after this a solid 4 can take it, or get as far as we can because im always keeping my options open OOP, but for the most part i do want to stay true to my good judys for now, but i know someone between amir/augusto/kendall has an idol and if they were smart theyd use it this round, so i need to convince the others of this because im sure its gonna happen since they dont think ali has one anymore hopefully but who knows, if it were up to me we'd vote augusto or tj this vote. I think amir has the idol and i think he's going to play it for himself this round or i could see augusto playing it for him, so if i can make anyone belive that very realistic scenario, we can get one of the ones theyd least expect just to ensure us the numbers for next round, but what do i know, they just forget im in the game anyway! so hopefully tomorrow someone tries to give me the tea and we get a plan together or else i spilled all the tea last round for nothing which is worst case scenerio

yesterday was a lot. I went an apology tour to everyone involved in my blindside and honestly it was annoying. the fact that augusto basically got me to apologise to him on our call when he blindsided me was irritating, like he just let me sit there and take fault when the point of the call was for him to take accountability. talking to him is like talking to 2018 me, he has such social ability, but he just takes zero accountability and is just so infuriatingly wishy-washy. he is all of my worst attributes as a player rolled into one. i also... almost won immunity? which is crazy, but I just found yesterday and the way immunity played out so frustrating, but I've spoken about it enough in my host chat enough. just know i feel robbed, slighted and if I get rocked out this round when i should have immunity. i will throw a fuss again SAJDKFLAS. anyway so this vote is gonna be a mess. tj and autumn now have a blood feud, Kendall and jake came to a head this round. so that's four people whose name i hopefully am not their number #1 target, plus i don't think adam is targetting me? but this vote is going to be a mess, because it very very easily could be 4-4, where there is an idol on both sides of the trench. i have a gut feeling amir and his sock puppets are going to vote autumn. it makes sense, tj wants her gone and the beauties need him reeled in. so i think im going to have to idol autumn, but that is risky because if the 4 vote jake... im going to rocks, and if they vote me, im reliant on jake going to rocks. but i just wanna send all these people backing, especially augusto. amir i'm trying to shake him that me and him have to stick together, but i also could vote for him. i literally just want to make F7 and to vote someone who just voted me out. that is literally all i want. if i go home i will be literally devastated

So like… there’s the dream and there’s the harsh reality which is something this round really talk me. The dream is obviously me winning, making all these big moves, and doing THAT. However, my reality? Could very well be that people don’t see me as a winner at all and it makes me a little disappointed but I gotta prove them all wrong. The vote last round being Ali was honestly mostly my doing and I’m proud of that. My ideal boot order is Autumn/Ali then Jakey then Autumn/Ali and that is GOING to happen because I’m putting that into the universe. When it comes to Autumn and Ali, I would rather Ali go but I think the safest bet while still having a target leave would be Autumn. In a way too, I do know Amir wants Ali out moreso alongside Jakey but I wanna separate my game from Amir so yeah. Also Adam calling me a fake ass bitch even tho my drunk ass was telling him I liked him was a gag… but oh well.. Nothing grinds my gears more than people thinking I’m not being genuine with how I feel towards them but if that’s what he thinks, maybe that’s what he’ll get idk… i feel petty and mad for some reason over it… BUT ANYWAY, I just want to survive this vote. I hope Kendall doesn’t go but she also said she wants me to win over Amir so yay?

If I die, I just wanna say I regret nothing and I have full confidence that the right person will win this season. So not TJ, Augusto, or Amir lmaaaaooo. Amir entering the two time winner chat??? Over my dead fucking body. If there's one thing Imma do it's poison a jury

Ali or Autumn... who shall we vote? Stay tuned!

Is Jess really Canadian... stay tuned!

god. today is gonna be another nailbiter and i want to confess first. so the plan is to idol autumn and vote out kendall, which sucks because i do now like kendall. i just think its the safest way of avoiding them playing an idol i guess, i don't even know. i just am sick of fighting in this game every single round me and autumn have had to fight to make it past. the fact jake is throwing a fit in my pms becuase im not idoling him is infuriating because... i'd love to idol myself? like? anyway im over it. if i go home, i hope tj can finally stop his blind fixation on autumn and i, that augusto can actually be accountable for one entire thing, amir can stop his pity party and show awareness for his threat level and that kendall... well actually kendall is fine. i just feel like im a mum trying to get all my kids to fit in a minivan and to put their seatbelts on, like can they get it together.

youtube

I don’t think anyone is ready for this round or at least what’ll come of it... I’m expecting an explosion or a mess given Jakey thinks he’s staying, TJ has been lied to, and hopefully Autumn or Adam leave next... its all a mess. If Jakey goes, I’m planning a 2-2-2 split between Autumn and Adam where we maybe get Autumn out but Adam leaving doesn’t hurt either.

me with biggest villian, biggest backstabber, thinks they are running the game, is running the game, and is gonna win at the end http://prntscr.com/ss4h5q

literally god demolished and brutalized worse than anyone in this game tonight in that touchy subjects yet I’m also the one comforting like half the tribe over their answers even tho I ADKWNWQJN WAS ATTACKT LIKE this cast literally thinks im a psychopath fjebwfjenkn but im not gonna play victim over my superlatives i just have to use this target on my back strategically

I want destruction AHHHHHHHHHHhhHhHhHhHhHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Okay so, they think me or Augusto have the idol, so they can vote kendall, to ensure our idol isn’t played and that me and Augusto and tj are forced into rocks, and im just like trying to get everyone to stop replying to ali cuz hes smart and he will psychoanalyze and figure out who to play the idol on and like he has to play it on autumn and not himself so pls pls pls kkjnkjenfs let this work

#BackWithVengeance

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newconstellvtions-blog · 7 years ago

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hey guys. so i messaged the main but i also wanted to tell the rest of yall i probably won’t be writing tonight, maybe the next couple days im really not sure. i just got some news and its kind of drained any drive to write, even though i want to and i feel like it could be a good distraction. if i am on tonight, itll be way later and things will probably be slow. sorry about that, dears.

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survivorpacificislandallstars · 8 years ago

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Ep. 17 - “Everyone here are messy hoes” - Steffen

Honestly why the FUCK are people so far up Jordan's ass. Like even sam g before she was blindsided by the devil himself was like "I think I'm just going to vote out Andrew so that I'll stay on his good side" Like what. I am....Omg. Sara is not winning this game bc she literally hasn't done shit but whatever Jordan tells her. David is fake for making me feel like shit last round when I didn't tell him about a plan that we executed 4 minutes AFTER votes were due. Andrew is my ride or die in this game. Andrew. Wow. I don't know what to do with drew. He was drunk for all the decisions made tonight so anything he said, I really don't know if he will mean those things in the morning. I trust steffen and I guess I have to from now on. Us 3 and maybe drew against Jordan's army. I mean I would rather get voted out than work with (basically for) Jordan so that's fine with me.

This last vote??? Was HELL for me! Of course I knew Sam was going from the start, but as much as I wanted to save her, all of my options were bad. This wasn't like the double tribal vote where I had all the information to flip the vote off of Steffen and onto Ash. The discussion started with David Robb and Jordan, and by the time the target was chosen, there were already five votes on Sam in a nine-vote tribal. The only way to save her was with my idol, which I'm sorry, is mine. It would have also exposed everything. I could have either gotten Jordan's idol or Jordan himself out of the game, but that sacrifices my power position and puts me at the mercy of the Sams, Andrew, and Steffen, who very well may have and may still want to work with me, but would have seen me as the biggest threat once Jordan was gone. Once again in an org, I'm left with the disgusting position of using him as my meat shield and getting the stink of that alliance all over me to the point where no one wants to talk to me because they're afraid it'll get back to Jordan. If only they knew how little I've been telling him the entire time, maybe I could get a little more out of them. Sam knew but she's gone now because I didn't save her, and that sucks, but it's just another person I have to avenge to get through the game. So very obviously, Jordan is winning immunity this round. A trivia competition based on Pacific Islands was fucking made for him, I'd be shocked, horrified, and a little concerned if someone were able to beat him other than Billy, or Monty himself. Jordan's plan is to send Sara to exile, have me use my idol, and then vote the two of us and David on someone, and if they vote for me, I'm safe, and if they vote for David, we force the revote because both of us are immune and David is safe a la Spencer Bledsoe's "Tasha's not going" moment. It's a cute plan. Puts all the ducks in a row. Just one little thing I'd like to bring up. When the FUCK did MY idol become something for YOU to strategize with? This is not some communal shit, like a grab bag of power. I didn't see my vote getting doubled with either of your pearls. I haven't seen any idols played on anyone other than yourself. This is not some "What's mine is mine but what's yours is OURS" bullshit. So what I would LIKE to do would be to team up with Steffen, Andrew, and Sam B for the vote and get David Robb out. I have a power move for it in mind that's gonna take a lot to pull off because there are a lot of moving pieces. I would like to work with all three of them for this vote but I need to make sure they don't get it in their heads to 3-2-1 me out. I'm already opening up conversation with Sam and Andrew before anything else happens with the immunity comp, and Steffen and I have talked semi-regularly, so ideally they'll include me in their plans to target David, instead of me coming to them. I think I'll leak the entire plan to them, tell them everything Jordan wants, ESPECIALLY the part about me playing my idol, so it doesn't even get into their heads that I'm on the menu as a voting option. Then on the revote, if it goes down the way I hope it will, I flip and vote out David. Because I'm not playing for 4th on Jordan's team, and I'm not playing to be the first person Steffen's team targets if Jordan wins another immunity after this. And I'm sure as FUCK not playing to have my possessions be communal property. There will have to be a long conversation with Jordan about all this after the fact, about how everything can still work, me him and Sara to the end, we still have two idols, we can work with this, I'm sorry I just felt like I was being left completely out of the loop on this last vote, the target happened in PMs with David, the decision to play both pearls happened without me, and unnecessarily, I felt like I wasn't being heard and I wasn't going to be replaced. Which is highkey true, like that has been a genuine fear the last day and a half or so, but it's secondary to the main stance. No one. No one. Decides how my idol is being played except me. Thanks. From Jordan's perspective, this can still work, we still have our three players with two idols between us, David had to go eventually, why not tonight. From Steffen's perspective, I took out someone on Jordan's team and there's a chance for a light at the end of the tunnel now, in some way. My juggling act is going to implode on me sooner rather than later and I'm going to have to pick up the pieces. But hopefully that time is not tonight.

So basically last vote, Sam B didnt do what i wanted and that caused me to go with the devil Jordan Pines, but thats okay, im going to try and vote out Andrew tonight but literally things are so topsy turby anyone can go its all up to the survivor gods

I don't know who I can trust in this game. But I know for sure it is not Jordan Pines. Therefore I can't trust anyone associated with him either. That includes David and Drew. Both of them are claiming that the other one is closer to Jordan when it all honesty, I think that is such a tight trio, there is nothing I could do to stop it. I'm just so tired of Jordan controlling this game. With his fucking idols and powers and omg do not even get me started on this immunity challenge. Trivia with someone who was on 5/7 of the seasons being quizzed. That's the most rigged thing I have ever heard in my entire life. Especially this late in the game AND with the answers not being found on the wikia. I'm so pissed about it. I will probably be going home tonight. I would rather go home through staying true to myself, than to flip on one of my allies to stay on Jordan's good side. I learned from the Sam g blindside: being on his good side doesnt mean shit. If he gets to the end, there is no way I am voting for him. And whoever does vote for him, 100% cancelled. He is just. Ugh I don't want to be mean so I'll move on. So I am voting for David tonight along with andrew and hopefully steffen. I think itll tie and then on the revote go to rocks, which is scary. But if its me that Jordan's side is voting for, I should be safe. That would make it rocks between andrew and steffen, which would be so hard to watch. But I don't think I have any other options. I got into an argument with Drew just a few minutes ago so if he votes for me, I would get that. I just would rather stand up for myself and play my own game, than to let jordan fucking pines control me. And to everyone wanting to work with him (for him): Fuck you.

idk why the whole fucking world and their dogs wanna work with Jordan

It was supposed to be me tonight. Idk it still might be. But I brought up the idea of breaking up Sam B and Steffen. And I guess Jordan wants that. Sam B says to not give Jordan what he wants. And I'm not. I'm doing what I want. I want that duo split. I want to advance without fucking up game relationships. I'm sorry Sam. I love you so much. But this is my game.

Dear Diary, Everyone here are messy hoes, Im over it and them and Jordan can go make out with the abominable snowman for all I care. Like first I have to hear Jordan is threatening Sam B, Sam G was voted out, and now Jordan wins immunity, saves sara and now everything has gone to crap, Drew can’t be trusted worth beans and David is a messy bitch and Jordan well, indifferent towards him at this point, so now Im on call with a crying Sam and I could give 2 shits about anyone left in this game, Im on fits end for who I vote for cause literally this group of people are disgusting except Sam B and Andrew, Also shout out to Sam G, a true hunt

#piallstars #confessionals

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sweet-sapphics · 8 years ago

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thank you okay so basically my story is really lengthy. i had just gotten out of a really shitty relationship in march after i found out i was being cheated on by someone who i was really beginning to fall for. and i have bpd so i was kind of doubly traumatized by this like "abandonment" or whatever. at the time, i had just found this really cool group of writers and we all had a gc and everything. and i had been flirting with all of them because that's how i communicate, like i just flirt (1/?)

2/5 is just me gushing as far as i know so its probably better tumblr swallowed it aaa

no one's business and just... literally the most extraordinary person i'd ever, ever met. and a few weeks later, mid to late march, we started like actually talking about our feelings instead of just the heavy flirting that we'd been doing and it was then that we made us "official" i guess you could say. well, months went by and i was in the happiest relationship i'd ever been in in my life. and though my mental illness got worse by the day, she singlehandedly kept me alive (3/?)

this is so long i'm sorry. but anyways, she ended up breaking up with me in may so she could try to heal from abuse from her past. and i told her i would try to wait for her. but around october when it was looking like she'd never come back, i got my tinder back and tried to find someone to help me take my mind off her. it was only when this new girl and i started talking that T, the love of my life, came back into the picture and told me she wanted to try again. so i dumped C, the tinder (4/?)

girl and T and i started getting involved again, but as soon as things were getting better and we were this close to being official again, she started ghosting me again. so this time, i broke it off with her. and this was late december. and now its been weeks and most days i feel so much better about myself now that she's really out of the picture, but then there are nights like tonight where i cant get her out of my head. i dont know how to leave her behind. do you have any suggestions? (5/5)

ok so as someone who is still having a lot of trouble getting over their ex, im not sure how helpful i can be. that being said, it sounds like its definitely better to not be involved with T anymore for you. it might help if you messaged C again? idk just to get your mind off of things. and also ik it sucks now but time will help i promise and every time you get stuck like this itll be a little easier to get out of it. idk how helpful this was but i really hope things turn out ok. you’re always welcome to message me/send me an ask if u need more help or just someone to talk to to keep your mind off T

#ask #anon #not sapphic #i really hope things get better tho #i think they will

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survivorcordillerablanca · 7 years ago

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Episode 9 Confessionals

dammit i aligned with the one person everyone wanted out in the merge first.. why is jordan pines still here? well im using my power and bouncing the fuck out next round--- see ya suckers!

i hate blindsides. like people are always like "omg BLINDSIDE haha this is so fun!!" no. theyre not fun. do u rlly like having to own up to everything after tribal to people u just betrayed and u cant tell them EVERYTHING that happened but u have to tell em something and tey always feel betrayed. not fun, and katies obv pretty hurt while bryce is hiding it. like im not gonna blindside if its always this unfun. i dont wanna spill my guts and be all weird bc i dont like doing it :/ but telling people who im voting isnt fun either idek

So the vote didn't go my way. Someone is working with jordan and luke. i think the way the votes fell it was me and chris on jordan, katie on luke, willow on me, and charlotte, luke, jordan, carson, zach on chris. everyone is saying that it was last minute and just wanted to go with the majority. but that doesnt add up. i was told that i wasnt clued in because they didnt know if i was close with chris or not. and that they wanted to flush the idol that jordan has. but if you all vote with him he obviously wont play it?? also i wasnt told because chris chose me to go on the wishing well im pretty sure which is lame. we werent even close and i would be fine voting him even if i think its the wrong move seeing as how luke and jordan need to go sooner or later. im most betrayed by carson because i told him hes my number 1 and he said the same but he doesnt let me know saying it was last minute. but he talked to me right before the vote and said it was jordan so clearly it wasnt too last minute. willow voting me is so random but i need to make sure i get her back with me b/c i think i can use her. this vote has brought me and katie closer i think which is good, she really seems to think that charlotte was the mastermind of the vote and i kind of agree. i just dont get why charlotte wanted us to split and then do this. she convinced chris to split too i believe which is sad for him. but like why would she make a split if she already had 5 votes. so i think its maybe not her, or she was doing that for extra caution. anyway people still have these advantages from the auction so im wary and just want to win the immunity to secure myself. i need to work on my relationship with luke and willow i think b/c i think that can be beneficial moving forward.

katie used her power.. like why?? i love katie but like.. that was dumb. after me incessantly telling her, youre fine, youre safe. but whatever. (but i get her point of view too because i wouldnt trust me after telling her i was voting jordan then helping her split votes on luke then voting chris out lmao) hopefully the plan of getting jordan out can work this round even though katie using her power semi? nto really complicates the plan. patience sucks by the way

Jordan won immunity which is PERFECt because it means he can't be voted out but now I'm just worrying about me. I know we managed to get the numbers last round but I'm nervous about whether or not people will vote me off this round or not, especially since I'm the only vulnerable Copa at tribal council. That being said I /do/ have 2 idols in my pocket so I could just pull one of those but I wanna try and wait as long as I can before I have to use those. Ideally I want Willow out this round, I don't really talk to her and I don't think she trusts me especially after we played Dead Sea together and I had a hand in exposing the idol that she played incorrectly (oops?)! Zach didn't really like the idea of getting Willow out but Jordan wants to so I'm gonna see what I can do. It ain't over yet

*play like jenna.. play like jenna... play like jenna... PLAY LIKE JENNA*

I hope to be a swing vote next round

Carson: What do you want to do about tribal? Me, probably: Blindside Zach.

So we're talking about voting out Willow this round.

She's nice, but there are no real allegiances (as far as I know) that she has in this game. Her vote was wild last round for Bryce, so it should be easy to get him on board to vote for her too. Jordan and Zach both need to go at some point but right now they, and Carson, are the only people I enjoy talking to so ... maybe I'll play this out and just bring a bunch of threats to the end with me. Why not? Can you imagine a final three filled with people who actually played decent games? It'd be a blood bath to see who wins and I am SO here for that.

this vote is a little intricate. but before I get into that, I want to explain other stuff. I was so close to copying Jordan's score because I knew from a past game he got perfect, so I would only assume he'd get it again. That being said, I would've felt really shitty and it may have potentially fractured my relationships with some of them. anyway the five person alliance type thing of char/luke/jordan/carson/myself aint going to stick much longer because..... everyone wants me out. I wanted Bryce out and i got it going but unfortunately people are doing willow.

Willow leaving is kind of bad for my game, but nonetheless it's the decision and I can't resist it much. I plan on telling her the truth, and getting her to use her golden fan so that I can maybe get a new power because my rope fucking sucks (well, sometimes it can, but its a tiebreaker rip) I think if she didnt use it, she'd give it to me? and i think thatd be fine but i dont want to use it because luke would be mad, so if she's leaving, then why not just let it be her since she's leaving anyway? I love Willow to death though so her leaving is going to be sad :( I think ideally the next person i'd want out is Jordan. One of the trio of L/C/J have to leave, and i'm least closest with Jordan and despite Char being like... opened about wanting me out because i can go on a comp streak, i don't want her out bryce can leave too. i dont talk to him much, but he's a nice guy! the game's the game, and it sucks though. Also it's fucking crazy how already its final 8 like?? it feels like the game started lowkey like 2 days ago and .... we're almost half way done.. wait we are DSMGODSMGDS okay done

"honestly i love how in this game votes are determined like ~6 hours before the vote and its settleede easily for the most part" zach even tho we've only had three votes including this one and the last one he said he was" told last minute" so what the truth!!! I think we're voting willow here everyone seems to be on board but i was blindsided last time and theres no saying I wont be blindsided again. I really wanted to win immunity but i flopped big time but maybe itll make people think im not a threat. Im gonna try to bring me carson zach charlotte back together and hope for the best because it would be 4-3. but also i want to remain close with katie even tho she ditched me... iconic queen. She told carson before hand but not me so thats interesting i guess!

willow targeted charlotte and spread her name, and charlotte acc does have some power so... ppl (bryce) ratted to charlotte and now willow's on the chopping block. sigh. im fine with willow going i guess ill just need a new final 3 person for me and zach?? whatevs. also willow has a golden fan apparently that mixes up the golden fan so me + zach r gonna try and get her to use it before tribal so we can possibly get some items. also.. at the start of this tribal EVERY name was tossed out besides me and zach. this could be because people know we're close or maybe we actually are in a good position. i think its the former but who knows. hoping this vote can be pulled off easily and i won't be the blindsidee tonight.

Currently trying to get the votes to get Willow out. So far I think I have me, Jordan, Charlotte and Bryce and with Katie gone that's majority for this vote. Zach still doesn't want to do it but I may just have to go behind his back on this vote and not do what he wants but that's the game. Hoping this works because I have a really weird feeling about tonight.

Okay so as of currently I think Carson, Zachary and Charlotte are the biggest threat and I want Charlotte gone lowkey

But I'm at my friends house so I don't have lots of time as usual ugh, also I'm a dumbass who got the challenge time wrong also Bryce suspected it was me who voted for him last round rip

I've been being jewish all day so im just here now, so first confessional - hooray jordan finally won a fucking immunity challenge, it took way too long rtp. like seriously wtf

Anyways splitting this confessional up into 2 cause tribal is soon and i got nothing to talk about, but like bye willow, you were cool i guess, we didnt talk. sorry hon

Okay so like its definitely gonna be me tonight and I sorta tried but I think it's gonna be a unanimous vote and I just wanted to say I love Zach and Carson and I hope they do well in this game and I'm excited to use my fan and stir shit up right before I leave and continue only ever getting 8th in side seasons

i gave zach my idol bc im a paranoid bitch and have a bad feeling about this vote. also FUCK everyone for wanting (or faking) to vote out literal ANGEL Willow. i just like told her im voting her and love her and wanna be friends after :// Also idk. i have a weird feeling. if i am blindsided, then good game bitches.

#NotAGameForLapdogs

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transient-tutor · 7 years ago

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DEREK: -is jake hanging out in the infirmary right now? because the dad-in-law is stopping by. it's not unusual, he's been coming and going the past few days to see dirk but tonight he's here for jake. he knocks on the door to get his attention before just letting himself in.- Yo Jake.

JAKE: -MOST DEFINITELY HANGING OUT IN THE INFIRMARY. Jake is taking an uneasy doze in one of the visitor cots a small distance aways from the comatose patient room. Jake didn't want to be a cumbersome presence to any medical staff that might come in and check on Dirk's vitals from time to time. Plus, just sitting in there was making him incredibly sad.-

JAKE: -At the sound of Derek's voice, Jake lifts his head up to squint. Feeling for his glasses and starting to roll to sit. Abeit with difficulty. The weariness wouldn't shake off his bones.- Derek?

JAKE: Youre here? -blinks and sets gaze on his father-in-law, worried all over again.- Something the matter? Is it dirk?

DEREK: -ambles over, shaking his head and waving a bandaged hand in dismissal.- Dont worry. Nothins up.

DEREK: -plops to take a seat beside him on the cot.- I stopped by to see you.

JAKE: -shoulders sag in relief and he sighs. The biggest dog sigh of them all. Eyeballs the bandaged hand.- Get into a scrum?

DEREK: -holds up his hand and sighs at it.- Yeah with a wall.

DEREK: It was a lil one sided.

JAKE: Oh well...

JAKE: Happens to the best of us. -And it does! Though Jake typically fought anything but a wall.-

JAKE: Youre here at least... having it checked and what not.

JAKE: Sos the responsibility. -rubs at his neck, making a bit of a face.- Bluh...

JAKE: Sorry derek. Im...

JAKE: A few gumptions short of a decent conversation. :(

DEREK: -claps a hand onto jake's shoulder and gives him a sympathetic pat.- No worries. Didnt really come here to conversate anyhow.

DEREK: Sorry to interrupt your beauty sleep but I wanted to get you outta here for a lil while.

JAKE: Oh uh... -It dawns on him that he's hardly spent any "family" time with Derek. As most affairs they cross paths in were in the company of other people. Also before that, Jake got entirely distracted by dating his son.- At this time of night?

JAKE: Where would we go? -He asks this question but he lives the married family life, Derek. Understand him.-

DEREK: -he gets it. he's been there. but he also adamantly refuses to grow up in many regards, so the world remains his oyster.- Anywhere.

DEREK: Life aint come to a screeching halt outside. If anything its bustling more than it has in who knows how long.

DEREK: Figured we could hop in that jeep of yours and see whats goin down out there. You up to it?

JAKE: Well its not but... -looks onward, probably in the direction Dirk's room is. Whines internally. Whines eternally.-

DEREK: -sighs through his nose. yeah, he gets that too.- Just to take our minds off things for a lil while.

DEREK: Itll be fun. Come on. -he's not above peer pressuring you, jake.-

JAKE: -It's easier to fold when Jake imagines that Derek is telling him to go, rather than suggesting they do.- Oh...

JAKE: Alright..

JAKE: But lets not be long. -pries himself off the bed, again. Reluctantly.-

DEREK: -claps him on the back before hopping to his feet again.- Thats the spirit.

DEREK: -takes the liberty of leading the way out the door. he doesn't really seem to be waiting around for him to catch up.-

JAKE: -Well that's fine... Jake knows where the Jeep is parked and is also the only one present with a key for it. He takes his time texting his friends in the infirmary about where he's heading off to. He meets up with Derek in the cargo bay.- Ill be frank...

JAKE: I havent thought to set foot outside since...

JAKE: My imprisonment i suppose.

DEREK: Thats reasonable.

DEREK: Cant say Ive had much need to. -leans on the jeep nonchalantly. he wants to drive it... but he will have to ask for the keys. use your words, derek.- But I hear its safer out there. People just rebuildin their lives.

DEREK: And thats cool. -holds out his hand.- Anyway gimme your keys to this thing. -he did it.-

JAKE: -There's a whole second Jake is reluctant to... before he passes them to Derek.-

JAKE: ...

JAKE: This was our wedding gift. -blurts. He can't help it. The associations are still there.- :(

DEREK: -snatches them up, then turns towards the vehicle.- ... Yeah. -HE BETTER NOT CRASH IT THEN. he's been known to do this with cars that don't belong to him.-

DEREK: -gets into the driver's side.- Its a good one. John got it for you right?

JAKE: -climbs in and sits in the passenger side. The sad faces intensify.- Yes. :C

DEREK: -damn, this is gonna be harder than he thought. probably not gonna be the wild night he was hoping for, but he can improvise.-

DEREK: -produces a six pack of booze from his sylladex and holds them out to him.- Have one. -yes, he's telling him to do this again.-

JAKE: Wh...

JAKE: -suddenly taking booze in his lap.- Were not driving under any influences are we?

DEREK: -jesus CHRIST.- Im not gonna. -for now-

JAKE: I think id have to stop you if we were sir! Family statuses aside. -HUFFS.-

DEREK: -smirks a little at him as he starts up the jeep.- Good to know.

DEREK: But I insist. You have at it.

DEREK: -and with that he TAKES OFF. the ship is landed somewhere out in the wilderness, but not too far from the minneapolis area still. plenty of municipalities to check out, but instead derek is taking a scenic route.-

JAKE: -dont mind if he rolls down the window. He likes the feel of the wind in his hair and especially his mustache.- Well...

JAKE: I watch plenty of television and im sure theres a law some place that reads there cant be open beverages in a moving vehicle!

JAKE: So im sure wherever were going it can wait. -sets the boozes down at his feet. That's that.-

DEREK: Oh come on its basically lawless out here.

DEREK: Man youre a real goodie two shoes. -says so with a good natured snicker. he's just trying to loosen him up... what a shame it's failing. maybe it's not in the cards. he pauses, hesitant to say what he's thinking but he's derek so he'll say it anyhow.-

DEREK: You must keep Dirk in line then huh?

JAKE: Shucks i wouldnt go that far. -feeling his face flushing in color. Absently, Jake fiddles with the ring on his finger.- Its just...

JAKE: Second nature i suppose? Thinking and...

JAKE: Doing my darndest to plan ahead. -he trails off. Feeling sad all over again.- But you dont want to hear this. We um.

JAKE: Ought to focus ahead and all. Coming all this way.

DEREK: -glances at him- Well the plan was to take it easy. Sure.

DEREK: But now I feel like talking about him too.

DEREK: Its nice hearin this stuff. -sobers up rather suddenly.-

DEREK: You know were not as close as Id like to be. Me and him.

DEREK: Guess I can kinda live vicariously through all yall that are when you talk about that sorta thing. What all is goin on in your day to day. Shit like that.

JAKE: Why not?

JAKE: The lack of closeness i mean.

DEREK: Well... -drums fingers on the steering wheel.- He dont like me too much.

DEREK: Guess weve been working on that but its slow going.

DEREK: I cant blame him anyways.

JAKE: Right... -If it helped Derek any, Jake had no reason to have hard feelings about him.- I cant imagine why. My impressions always been that youre as swell a fella as it gets!

JAKE: Whats there more to say about it? -But no really, he's curious.-

DEREK: -goes quiet for a moment but it's fine, he just scoffs.- People tell me there aint nothin left to say anymore.

DEREK: But I wasnt always a swell fella.

JAKE: Oh... -Truth be told, he had a hard time picturing anyone as totally a bad person. Jake glances at him, a glimmer of optimism for his father-in-law.- Its a dog eat dog world im told...

JAKE: Some folks do whats best they think is needed for survival. -looks away then, watching the passing scenery. So dark out...- I know its true for me.

DEREK: That dont always make it right.

DEREK: But that aint somethin you gotta worry about. Youre an indisputably good guy.

DEREK: -decides to make a turn down some dirt road.- And a great dad.

JAKE: Good... golly. Gulp. -if it's Derek's intention to make Jake blush again, it's working. Too much positivity in one sitting, his eyes are starting to water. Jake scrubs his face with the back of one hand. There they go, down some dirt road.-

DEREK: -IT ISNT EXACTLY, but he is making extra effort to be sincere with jake.- ... -glances at him.-

DEREK: Its true.

DEREK: Times like these really make or break a man.

DEREK: ... And Ill be real with you it is shit like this which made me a bad guy. I let that happen.

DEREK: Cuz I thought I had to do it alone.

DEREK: -drums fingers on the steering wheel.- Just remember youre not alone alright?

JAKE: I know it. Its not...

JAKE: Me im torn all over for. -swallows hard as it turns out his attempt to curb the water works failed. Jake sits there with tears dripping.-

DEREK: -frowns at the road ahead of him. he's not the best at expressing his sympathy, not always, but it's a little easier when some of that pain is shared. he reaches over to grip at jake's shoulder for a moment.- Yeah. I get it.

JAKE: -the simple gesture of squeezing his shoulder has Jake's heart wrenching even more. The most he can do is wring out a handkerchief to blow his nose into. Jake English doesn't go anywhere without it.-

DEREK: -this poor kid... he can't believe he carries around a handkerchief though. he clears his throat to suppress a chuckle about it and retracts his hand to place both back on the wheel.-

DEREK: I dont wanna make promises that itll be alright but... Youve got me and Riley and Dave and the whole goddamn clan to make shit easier where we can.

JAKE: -sniffles again and focuses on folding the hankerchief away. He'll have to wash this later.- Oh i know i...

JAKE: ...

JAKE: I feel just awful... thinking to ask when i cant even be fucking bothered to hold my own. -seems to be telling himself this more than Derek.- Ive held worse. Ive... endured worse.

JAKE: And so has everyone else. Its... -rests his elbow just outside the window, looking out again.- Magnanimously stupid of me. I shouldnt ask more of everyone.

DEREK: -brows knit as a familiar kind of pain wrenches at his insides. how does he even begin to explain how well he understands?-

DEREK: I know.

DEREK: When you wanna keep it together so nobody else has gotta add you to their long list of troubles.

DEREK: Even when you feel like youre fallin apart.

DEREK: Its frustratin.

DEREK: Like fuck. You should be able to handle this.

DEREK: You got to. -grips the steering wheel tight, but when he notices they've arrived at their impromptu destination, he loosens his hold and slows the vehicle to a stop next to one of the many lakes around here.-

DEREK: -turns to look at jake.- Youre a strong person Jake.

DEREK: I know you got this.

DEREK: But I aint offerin my help cuz I think you need it.

DEREK: Im doin it cuz youre family.

#gunhardyTemerity #in which derek steals jake for hang outs #this is old back when dirk was first in his coma

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