#im sorry i couldnt control being born i wish you had loved me more im sorry i represented you feeling like an outsider to our family

[thedevotionaltour]

thought about my sibling and had to stop bc i started getting too angry in my mind

[jackpotgirl]

I just wanted to say the biggest thank you for your wonderful Haladriel fic which is one of the most beautiful fanfictions that I've ever read. And I've read a lot, with a lot of pairings. It feels like home, like old times when I was 13 and I found out there is a whole new world behind the books or series: the fans incredible talents and imagination. It was mesmerizing. It feels like when I first read a wonderfully wellwritten dramione or spuffy or bethyl or dumbeldore/grindelwald fic throughout my years. I didnt know how i missed this feeling and this kind of fanfiction until I read yours. Because yes, there is a lot of lovely fanfic in this fandom too, cute oneshots, more cuter humanHalbrand and Sauron angst, smut and AUs which are good but we know they could never be true - and I like them too. But your work... Your work grab some really true part of them, that make the whole thing REAL. That IT COULD BE. I think the writers of the rings of power truly find something incredible what hidden under Tolkien's wise, old, and sometimes too white OR black books. They found GREY, there were little hints in a huge world where the story goes to different ways and had no time or intrest show other ways. But the hint was there and I belive that the writers did good. And its so rare when something feels real true PLUS the actors chemistry and LOVE for their roles hit the whole thing a different level and an OTP is born. Ahhhh. (When I read your story I wished couple of times that Charlie Vickers read this!!! I think he would love this redemption arc, he truly understands Mairon and Sauron goals)

So what you wrote in this fic could be real, could be canon, its hanging in the air, like a cloud (♥️♥️♥️) above the series and the books. I really feel that and in my nearly 20 years of reading fics I felt the same max 3 times. And the last time was so long ago!

So yeah, reading this was truly magical, i read at night and couldnt stop, I read under breastfeeding my baby, i read every 5 minute when I could, I was so tired but I had to read more! And I felt the adrenalin rush, the giggling like a 13 years old, my cheeks were burning because I was so excited whats happening, I teared a lot, mostly when Sauron tried to explain his very being to Galadriel and sometimes I had to reread parts because how true they were. I feel they will rent free in my head forever and Tolkien's Galadriel and Sauron never will be the same for me and its wonderful because yeah, I feel this could be true for them. Of course not in the show, not in the books, but after that when no one knows what Tolkien wants, yes... Their relationship is truly cosmic, not just a simple love story.

You are a very talented writer and I hope your passion for writing cause you many many happy hour. You did such a great job at maping up feelings and love. I thought a lot of my marriage and how the years flying and we are getting older and see things in different levels, understand each other deeper, studied like Galadriel did with Mairon. There was always love but it could be even more.

And in the end because I wrote too much sorry: im glad that in my early 30s I found a total different Sauron because I think its wonderful and shows how is the life is going truly: when I was a child and innocent etc it was easy the see the world like Tolkien did. Good and bad, simple choices etc. But when you getting older and you made mistakes and others too and you are not too good and not too bad... And sometimes you've got the control and sometimes not... You just understand that you cant hardly judge anyone... Even the Dark Lord himself... :) Everyone wants to be Aragorn in the begining and a few will be Sauron, but mostly we just some random guys in the middle(Earth, haha), trying navigate and understand both sides and live a happy life.

Oh my God how I wrote such a sentimental mess, sorry! My english is worn too, agh but im tired and couldnt practice long ago! But I wanted to THANK YOU that feeling. Of course I will wait chapters till the end! ♥️

Oh my god, thank you so so much for this beautiful message! never apologise for long messages, I relished every word!! It means so much to me that I could help spark that joy in you and you are such a rockstar, breastfeeding (I am sure that takes a lot out of you) and being a mom to a baby, so I am incredibly happy that I can offer some distraction from that too!

Thank you thank you thank you, I am so happy to have received this and I hope you will enjoy the rest of the story, too <3<3<3

[aestheticsuwu]

There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin

Hope you like it @indecisive-behaviors sorry for my bad writting i couldnt help myself to write a little snippet lol .

....... ........

Johnny lawrence had a hard time growing up and adjusting from just him and his mother to living with Sid .

The man expected alot from him even if he was just a kid . Every move he made was being watched , waiting for one mistake .

When he was a teenager , he and his friends would beat the shit out of kids who seemed weaker or in Dutch words a fairy .

He was full of anger and it was the only way to let some steam .

The other half he spent being with his girlfriend Ali that he loved , but she later broke up with him because he wasn't the guy she fell in love with .

Not even a week later she started dating a guy from college .It made him angry , made him like he was nothing but a weak boy .

Felt like he was full of anger like a dark cloud just following him .

Sid always gave him shit , always telling him that he was just a pussy and just like the kids he would beat up .

College wasn't for him it was just time wasted , he dropped out with one month in . The look of dissapointment of his mom hurt him more than the harsh words Sid yelled at him .

Then one day he crossed into a man named kreese , he was wasted but soon after he got into a fight with a dumbass that got in his way .

Kreese stopped him before he killed the guy . Told him he had potential of being something big , at first he thought he was full of shit and almost threw hands at him too .

The man gave him a card to call him when he was tired of wasting away talent .

Thats how he was thrown into the underground business after he was thrown in jail almost killing Sid and left him in pulp .

Kreese had taken him out of jail , Johnny had to repay the favor by doing what he did best using his anger and destroying the ones around him .

Johnny thrived from the anger that pumped in his veins , the blood that would splatter and the satifaction of feeling in control .

He didnt want to give the feeling or the money up .

He was Kreese favorite fighter his star pupil , thats why he was the only one to get to meet the boss of the underground that was given to John Kreese to keep an eye on .

" You were born to be a cobra, lawrence with that power you can control the world with just the palm of your fist . "

He believed every word yet when he wanted the person he couldnt have . He felt like a useless powerless ant .

He wished to he had never went with kreese to meet the man thaat would hurt the person he would love the most .

..

The Mansion was huge bigger than the ones he grew up with Sid. Maids and butler walked around and carrying on with their dutties . They were directed to the backyard full of little trees and cherry blossoms that seemed the opposite of the tales of Mr. Silver .

A foot in the garden , weirdly he felt relaxed even more so when he had spent the night with shannon and smoking weed .

" Did you wrapped your hand like i told you  yesterday , if you dont start taking care of yourself someone else will take your place . "

" Yes sensei , Carmen helped me out and We both know no one can take my place .

Kreese chuckles proudly .

" John my man ! Long time no see , What do i owe the pleasure .

" Its been a while has it . Hope im not interrupting  . "

" nonsense pal . "

" I wanted you to meet you lawrence , the one i been talking about . "

The man had piercing cold stare , but johnny wasn't scared when he almost killed sid with his bare hands , hes not going to start now just because the guy was freakin rich .

Terry looked unimpressed,  like he was staring a gum at the bottom of his shoe .

" How old are you kid  ? "

" 24 ."

" Does he got the potential for it or will he back out like scared kid ? "

The question was directed to kreese like if he wasn't just standing there . God he wanted to beat the shit of this self absorbed guy .

" I could prove it to you right now . " He answers before Kreese could get a word in .

The guys just chuckles and smiles , Johnny really wanted to break his hand where he places it on his shoulder .

" Alright then , Your in the big boy world now . "

" Mr . Silver ? "

A older lady called , He guessed she was a secretary or probably his wife .

" Mr. LaRusso said that hes going to church and you could stay here with your friends . "

" Nonsense . Get the car ready , Well gentleman got any plans today ? . "

.....

It had been awhile he had gone to church , couldn't remember at all .

Stepping out of the car , he watches in the distance where Mr. Silver and the larusso guy- he looked more like a boy to him .

When the guy walks in first , Silver makes a hand motion to follow him . They make him sit besides the boy while Kreese and Terry sit in the back to talk business .

All he wanted to do was run the fuck out of there . He felt everyone could see his bloodstained hands , and all the fucked up shit he's done and about to do .

He didnt even realise his leg was bouncing until he felt a dainty hand over his , where he place above his knee .

" First time ? "

" Its been awhile . "

" Focus on the beautiful angels instead of thinking about how the people might see your sins . "

The boy whispered to him , not once he looked at him in the entire conversation but he didnt take his hand back either .

Johnny looked at the angel , he felt the whispers and the judging eyes dissapear, For the first time he wondered how can an angel look so sad and beautiful at the same time .

Said angel turned to face him , Johnny felt mesmerized by his huge doe eyes .

" What are you doing ? "

Clenching his fist to feel the dull ache of his knuckles . Holding his gaze , his eye flicker one more time to their hands and then back to him .

" Looking at the angel . "

....... ....... ........

" If im Bambi , What does that make you , the lion ? "

" i guess it does , The lion has to protect the Bambi from the hungry snakes . "

[is-that-another-soulmate-au]

Sun Touched Zuko AU!!

Tag list @chaoticidiott @mypureessence @fae-tales-personal

This won't be a soulmate AU but it will be Zukka for sure.

Zuko was born sick, so sick in fact that he was going to die. His mother prayed to Agni that he would live, prayed that the sun spirit would save her first born son. In the gardens she held him up to the Setting sun pleading. The suns rays caught in the amber stone on top of the alter set for worship and moved to Zuko's eyes. His hair changed from solid black to a golden blonde, he opened eyes and began to cry. He was touched by the Sun and lived.

Ursa couldnt have been more happy, her son was alive. "My little sunshine" she whispered with tears rolling down her cheeks as she held him close and rocked him in her arms.

When Ozai saw his son's golden hair he demanded that it be dyed black, but was willing to compromise when Ursa suggested they wait until he turns 5 so that the dyes don't harm him.

The first time they dyed his hair he asked his mom why, his bright molten eyes looking at her with confusion "because your father wants you to feel safer my sunshine, people will stare at you with that bright shining hair of yours"

"Oh, okay" was his only response that day. He never questioned it anymore when they touched up his roots weekly.

After his mother left him he felt alone in the world, his dad still staining his golden hair each week with more and more ink. All the while berating him when he couldnt control his fire well. Even with being touched by the spirit and having powerful fire he couldnt manage to control it, couldnt understand how to. Until master Piandou taught him swords and he applied his teachings to his fire.

The first time he used his swords to control the fire Piandou was more than impressed "Prince Zuko! That was amazing!"

"Thank you Master, thinking of the swords as an extension helped me control the flames better" his smile soon faded when his father appeared

"Yes, great work Zuko, I am pleased to see you have learned how to control your flames, however mixing these arts in this fashion is unacceptable. Come with me"

After that he wasn't allowed back at Piandou's unless he was accompanied by either his father, or an advisor to make sure he practiced correctly.

On the day of his fated Agni Kai Zuko had just gotten his roots retouched before entering the war meeting. When his father burnt him for speaking out of term his tears felt like lava running down his cheeks. He could smell the fresh dye burning and it hurt his lungs.

His Uncle immediately took him under his wing when he was banished "Zuko, my star," his Uncle pleaded when they were at the western airtemple "i need to dress your wound, the sun spirit would not want you to lose your eye"

Zuko reluctantly let his Uncle clean and dress his wound several times on their travels until it healed and scarred over. When it finally healed over Iroh smiled "there you go sunshine" he said as he wiped the tears forming in Zuko's good eye away "do not cry Prince Zuko, you are safe"

He still dyed his roots every week to uphold his place as prince. He did not know that his golden hair was his own symbol or royalty, that the sun chose him. Sure he knew the sun saved him, but he could not understand that it was because he was chosen.

When he arrived at the South pole and discovered the Avatar, he felt a breath of relief wash over him. He was going home, but he heavily underestimated the Avatar's abilities and lost him.

Soon he started a cat and mouse game with the monk and his two southern water tribe friends. After the northpole he slacked on dying his hair, not because he didnt want to, he simply didn't have the resources to do so. So his roots started to grow in gold.

"Well your looking golden Zuzu" Azula's voice startled Zuko when he walked into the hut they were staying in.

"Azula, what are you doing here" he glared at his younger sister

"You know, im my country. We greet one another before asking questions" she responded coldly "i was just passing through"

"To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit Princess Azula?" Iroh piped into the conversation

"No wonder you two click, always so quick and to the point. Father sent me, family is suddenly very important to him." She turned her head to look out the window "father regrets your banishment. He wants you home"

Zuko was frozen in place "father regrets?"

"I can see you need time to think this through, ill be by to collect you in the morning" Azula smiled softly before a flash of worry flashed on her face for a split second as she walked out the door.

When Azula's true intentions were revealed Zuko and Iroh managed to flee from her and her soldiers. When they stopped at the river to cut their hair Zuko looked at Iroh when he watched the inky hair fall into the river "your gold hair will conceal your identity fairly well my nephew"

"Yeah, it'll hide me pretty well" nobody had seen Zuko with his golden hair before. He hadnt seen his hair fully gold since age five.

On their travels his hair grew fairly fast now that it wasnt being dyed so often. It would catch the eye of several earth kindom citizens when he passed through towns. When he and Iroh were sitting against a building with a hat in front of them a young woman approached them and slipped a few gold pieces in "I know this might sound creepy, and I'm only asking this because I cannot resist. But may I kiss your hair sir? You can say no, I won't take my money back."

Zuko flushed a light shade of pink and scratched the back of his head "uhm, s-sure?" He mumbled out and leaned his head towards her. She placed a tender almost motherly kiss to the top of his head.

"Oh, your hair is so beautiful sir, it's like a million rays of sun. I wish you luck, i can only spare a little but if you'd take these small meals Im sure they'd help you" she said while offering two wrapped meals

They accepted and thanked her with small bows "what a nice young lady, huh?" Iroh said and nudged Zuko's arm

"Yeah, she was very nice"

When Zuko and Iroh found Azula and Aang battling in an abandoned earth town Azula pointed out his hair "wow Zuzu! You look just like a star! Where'd all that ink go?" When the fight ended and Iroh was injured Zukos cheeks felt like magma was pouring from his eyes.

"Zuko, I can hel-" Katara approached them

"LEAVE!" Zuko cried out, turning to Katara with golden tears running down his face.

While on the Ferry to Ba Sing Se Zuko was angry, not angry at anyone or anything in particular, he was just angry. "Hey" the voice of a man at his right side broke his brooding "names Jet"

"Lee" Zuko muttered out how cover name

"Yknow Lee, I hear the captain is eating like a king while we're stuck eating all his left overs" he paused "want to help me... liberate some food rations?"

It didn't take much to convince Zuko to join him. They liberated the food quickly without getting caught. Zuko found himself wandering the the front of the lower deck, leaning on the railing. "You know, as soon as I saw your scar, I knew exactly who you were" he paused as he approached Zuko "youre a refugee, like me. Thing is though, I've never seen hair like yours, let along your eyes."

Jet reached out and brushed Zuko's hair out of his face. "The freedom fighters could use a starlight like you, what do you say?"

Zuko smacked Jets hand away gently "thanks, but no thanks, you don't want me on your team, trust me"

In Ba Sing Se Iroh and Zuko made a life for themselves. They managed to have their own tea shop and apartment. Things were doing great, until Zuko went after the Avatar's bison, mind you he went there originally to take the bison captive, but when he saw that the creature was hurt he sheathed his swords and removed his mask, letting his golden hair free as he approached the bison "hey buddy, are you okay?" His voice was much softer than usual "oh no, here let me help you, this is going to hurt and I'm sorry, but I need to pull out this thorn" he talked to him the whole time he was pulling out thorns, gently rubbing the fur near it to sooth him.

When he pulled all of the thorns out he took out his swords "alright buddy, dont worry about the swords, im going to use them to cut you out of these chains, shhh its okay, you're okay" he continued to talk him through each of the six shackles "there we go big guy, now you need to get out of here, go find your friends- ah! Hey!" Appa knocked him over and gave him a thanks with a big sloppy dog like lick across his torso and face before taking off.

"You did well my nephew" Zuko shot up at his uncle's voice

"Uncle?" His startled voice wavered

"Now lets get you out of here and back home." And that they did.

When they made it back to their apartment Zuko felt dizzy, he held his head in his hand "I dont feel good" he managed to get out before collapsing and breaking a vase

"Zuko!" Iroh shouted as he rushed to his nephew to make sure he didnt hurt himself on any broken glass.

In his Angst coma Sokka heard his mother singing

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me Happy! When skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you, so please don't hide my sunshine away"

His sisters voice mocked his hair "youre hair makes you look like a dandelion, a weed can't take the throne!" Her cackling filled his ears.

There was a blinding light and a woman appeared with flowing gold hair and bright fire eyes "my dear star, why do you let yourself hurt so much?"

"I don't, who are you?"

"I'm Agni my dear, you do know I chose you right?"

"Why?"

"You are special my dear, your mother made sure to get my attention and I am so glad she did" the woman spoke as she placed her hand on his cheek. Filling him with the image of her reaching out to kiss his eyes as a baby. "You are meant for great things little star." Her voice faded as she herself did

He soon woke from his coma with a fresh breath. Taking charge in making sure his Uncle's tea shop did well, and helping him where he could. However Azula soon found them and summoned them to the palace under the guise of serving tea to the king. Things didnt end well and Zuko was thrown into a cave beneath the City with Katara.

"Why would they throw you in here!" Her angry and hurt voice filled his ears as he tried not to make her feel more uncomfortable by staying as far from her as possible.

when she mentioned her mother he turned around and spoke "thats something we have in common"

"What?"

"My mother was my only source of safety... she was the only one who defended me against my sister and my father. And one day my father was ordered to... do something terrible and my mother protected me somehow, I dont know what happened but when I was half awake she told me goodbye and when I fully woke up she was gone."

When they were separated and Azula had Iroh trapped she approached "Zuko, nows your chance to come home. Help me defeat the avatar and you can come home. Without inking your hair. Isnt this what you've always wanted? You'll have your honor back, you'll have fathers love back"

And despite all he had gone through he still chose the path of returning to his father. When he did return his father wanted to dye his hair but Azula spoke up against it "father, if I may. Zuko's hair is a symbol of the fire goddess Agni, if he were to take the thrown it'd be best to show that she has chosen him"

"Yes, that is true. Alright, off with you two"

Reuniting with Mai wasnt smooth, she confessed to him that her and Ty Lee connected and while he was saddened he just smiled "I'm glad you two are with eachother, you work well"

On the day of Black sun, with the information he had learned from Iroh and armed with the fact that his father was practically powerless without his bending. He approached him.

"Zuko, what are you doing here?"

"Im here to tell the truth"

Ozai let out a snort "telling the truth during an eclipse?" He waved off his gaurds "what do you have to say"

"First of all, Azula lied to you, she was the one who shot down the avatar"

"What?! Why would she lie about that?"

"Because the avatars not dead, he's probably leading this invasion right now"

"Get out! Get out if you know what's good for you!"

"Thats another thing, I'm not taking orders from you anymore"

"You will obey me or face the consequences!" As Ozai stood Zuko drew his dual swords and took a stance

"Think again. I am going to speak my mind and you are going to listen"

He went on to question his father "you knew Agni chose me as a child and that was the reason my hair turned gold. You knew this and yet you hid that from the world, you darkened my hair for years, and you have the gull to tell me I was lucky to be born. You! The tyrannical leader set out to destroy the world. you! My own father challenged me to an Agni Kai just for speaking out of term, how could you possibly justify a duel with a child!"

"It was to teach you respect!"

"It was cruel and it was wrong"

"Then you have learned nothing!"

"No! I've learned everything, and I've had to do most of it on my own" he paused "Growing up we were taught that the war was our nations way of spread joy, what an incredible lie that was, the other nations don't love us, they fear us, and they are right to fear us, we've brought the world to an era of hate and suffering, now we need to fill it with one of peace and joy"

"Your uncle has gotten to you hasnt he" Ozai laughed

"Yes, he has, and I've come to another decision, im going to join the avatar, and im going to help him take you down."

After announcing this he turned to leave but stayed to learn about what happened to his mother

"She's alive?" He said in a soft voice as a single golden tear rolled down his cheek

"Perhaps," Ozai paused "now i see that banishment is far too small of a punishment for treason" he said as he gathered lightning and shot it at Zuko who quickly redirected it right back at him before escaping.

After finding that Iroh had broken out of prison Zuko fled the firenation in a small war ballon and followed the Avatar's Sky bison to the western air temples. Their first encounter didn't go so well and he managed to burn Toph's feet but after helping them defeat the assassin and managing to form his words more properly and giving a genuine apology to Toph he was on the team.

Some time after joining and managing to break Sokka's dad, Suki and Chit Sang out of prison they were all sitting around the fire. "So.. uhm Zuko" Aang started

Zuko turned to look at him "yeah?"

"I have to ask, pretty bunch nobody in the firenation has golden blonde hair right?" Zuko absentmindedly ran his fingers through his hair at the question

"Yeah, and when you were first chasing us your hair was black, whats up with that?" Sokka added

"Oh, uh, well my hair was always dyed black because my father doesn't like my gold hair..." he paused "when I was born, I was sick, so sick that my parents thought I was going to die. But my mother pleaded with Agni to spare me, she took me to the sun worship alter in the palace gardens at sunset and held me up, pleading. When the last ray of light from Agni, my hair turned golden and I began to cry. So, in a sense the sun gave me my life"

"Like Yue!" Sokka piped up

"Like who?"

"Princess Yue! She was born sick just like you, and the moon spirit saved her. Well, she's the moon spirit now"

"Woah woah wait, is this the girlfriend you said turned into the moon?"

"Yep!"

"Well, just don't go falling for Zuko now, dont want to have your first boyfriend turn into the sun" Suki teased him

"Hey, at least I'd have a full set of spirit lovers"

Zuko's face turned beet red and the group laughed at him. Over the next few weeks of them being in close quarters Zuko found that he was growing feelings for the water tribe boy. Anytime he'd look at him he felt his stomach do a flip. But he didnt have time to think about his feelings.

Even though the sun touched prince tried not to think about Sokka on the mission with Katara, he couldn't help it. When they were returning Katara piped up "I know you like him" she paused to watch his surprised face "its okay you know, its fine if you like him. I dont have like you to let my brother like you. I may be cold to you but im not a monster like your father" she tied off the sentence by staring off "and besides, if Agni chose you, I think you would be safe for Sokka"

When they got back he heard sokka shout "You're back! Thank La youre safe!" Turning to Katara he expected to see Sokka running to hug his sister. Instead he was tackled to the ground with a hug from Sokka "how did it go Katara?" He asked from the ground while quite literally snuggling into Zuko with this hug that was still very much happening.

"I found him, and he was just so pathetic, i couldnt kill him"

Sokka then stood up and helped Zuko to his feet and placed a quick sneaky kiss to his cheek before moving to hug his sister, leaving Zuko frozen in confusion. He remained frozen until Suki came up to him "he's trying to confess silently, he's weird like that, corner him later if you want to hear an actual confession"

He however didn't manage to corner the now seemingly overly flirty blue boy until they were at ember Island. It wasnt until just before bed when Sokka was walking past Zuko's bedroom door. He reached out grabbed Sokka's shirt and yanked him into the room before slamming the door shut and pinning him to it. "What are you doing?"

"Wh-what do you mean? You're the one who dragged me into your room, what are you doing?"

"Dont play dumb with me Sokka, you've been flirting with me since I got back from my trip with your sist-"

"Actually ive been flirting with you since the temples, you just didn't notice until I kissed you"

"You mean until you missed"

"What?"

Zuko smirked "you missed" he mumbled before leaning closer "you went for a kiss but you missed"

They ended up spending the night sharing a room and a bed. When the morning sun peaked through the windows Zuko curled back into sokka who in turn pulled him closer. Both refusing to wake up until Katara knocked on the door and opened it "breakfast is ready, if you two love birds want some warm food you better hury and I better not see any hickeys"

"Ugh! Katara we just cuddled!" Sokka said as he burried his face in Zuko's hair.

Katara simply laughed "alright, but still, hury up."

When the day of the comet came and Zuko had to separate from Sokka he saw the worry in his blue eyes "Ive got this Sokka, Agnj chose me remembe, besides, I've got Katara with me and she's powerful" he placed a quick kiss to Sokka's lips "go take down those ships, and I'll see you by the timd the sun rises tomorrow."

And he was right, even though he was shot with lightning and Sokka broke his leg they both came out of the battle alive and together. When Zuko woke up to find Sokka curled up against him he smiled and let out a soft breath of pink fire. Relief.

"Woah, do that again" Sokka's groggy 'just woke up' voice rumbled against his shoulder

"Sorry I didn't mean to wake you, do you mean this?" He let out another breath of fire, this time a pale purple

"I didn't know you could do other colors of fire"

"Well, I couldn't until I went to the sunwarriors, Agni spoke to me there"

After Zuko's Coronation the firenation began righting their wrongs. It was a long struggle for sure. However two years into his reign with Sokka having practically moved in he found that he would soon have a partner to help him through these struggles.

The day had only just begun but Sokka was dragging Zuko to the turtleduck pond where they often sat together to simply relax. Sokka seemed a little antsy this time though "what's wrong Sokka?"

"Uhm, well, I have something I need to ask you," he paused and reached into his pocket while sinkning down to one knee. Zuko's breath caught in his throat as he saw Sokka pull out a betrothal becklace, the band was made with a fine red silk and the center piece was gold with a carving of a sun with a wave inside of it. "Zuko," he took a shaky breath "you've been by my side for two years now, you've held my hand through war and peace, quite literally, and you've done so while loving me whole heartedly. I can't imagine my life without you in it." Zuko could feel golden tears threatening to fall fram his molten eyes "Zuko, will you marry me?"

"Yes!" He heard himself responding before he could even think "Agni, yes Sokka, of course I'll marry you!"

Sokka moved from his kneeling position to lifting Zuko up into a kiss, holding him right under his rear. Zuko held his face in his hands as he pressed his lips to Sokka's as he was lifted up quite unceremoniously.

Once he was set down Sokka helped him put on the betrothal necklace. He reached up to touch the Golden pendant and smiled up at Sokka with gold tears falling down his cheeks.

Their marraige was held not long after, joining the southern water tribe and the firenation in a strong Union with a mixed culture wedding blues, silvers, reds and golds filled the wedding and reception as well as suns and moons.

Agni smiled down on the wedding that day, her chosen sunshine found his moon.

Yue smiled on them that night as they stood on the balcony holding one another. The boy who protected her finally found his light.

>Woo boy that was a long one! I sure hope you enjoyed it!<

[ivyuns]

gone ❆✰

hwang hyunjin

genre: angst | fluff

warnings: suggestive, language, etc <3

word count: 1.2k

A/N: this was requested,  i’m sorry if this ever came out late ! ! its vv short bc i was rushing to get this done (repost bc it wasnt showing up in tags)

“Hello lovely! Can i request a one shot where hyunjin and older fem reader start seeing each other (intimacy) and later they start catching real feelings and decide to part ways cause its forbidden but then reader finds out she’s expecting?”

masterlist

nonidol!hyunjin x olderfem!reader

waking up from the sun rays, you turn to your left to see someone in bed with you— naked.

“hyunjin !?”

with someone yelling out hyunjins name, he stirred awake. “hm?” hyunjin rubs his eyes for a clear view. he sees a woman with the white fluffy blankets covering her with her long hair everywhere and hickies on her neck.

“y-y/n noona? what happened?” hyunjin starts to remember all the past events from last night.

he remembers going to a bar after having a fight with his best friend. going to the bartender and asking for a drink, he waits for the drink to be finish. turning to his left, he sees you; laying your head down on the counter with the straps of your dress almost falling down due to the amount of weight you lost, making the dress too big for you but that was the only partying dress you had since you didnt like parties.

seeing the tears on your face dry up, hyunjin goes next to you and talks to you. “whats wrong lovely?” wiping the tears from your eyes and sitting back up. “my boyfriend broke up with me and now i feel like shit” you slurred, still drunk from the amount of drinks you had.

hyunjin’s drinks come by and orders you more drinks. as you two talked, feeling a bond connecting, you both feel like it was time to go. “wanna go to my place?” hyunjin asked while drunk. nodding your head while hyunjin pulls out the money for the bartender and both of you leave together with you clinging to hyunjin.

right as you walked through hyunjin’s door, you were pushed back to the wall with hyunjin caging you in between his arms. hyunjin’s lips went to your neck, harshly biting your skin. next thing you know, youre under hyunjin and youre not getting over him.

-

memories flood back into your mind finally. sitting up and just starring at the blankets, hyunjin goes in front of you. “everything okay noona?” facing reality, you closed your eyes and sighed. “hyunjin, did you ever pull out?” you said, opening your eyes, you see hyunjin shaking his head a no.

you gasp in disbelief and hitting you head against the palms of your hands. “hey y/n- noona its okay. lets just do friends with benefits” hyunjin grabs your wrists to stop harming yourself. you look up and smacked hyunjin across the face lightly. “im older than you by a few weeks, dont call me noona” you said and dressed yourself and left his house.

hyunjin is brought back to reality and notices youre gone. running out of bed, he sees your shoes gone but a piece of paper.

‘325-320-0325 call me whenever ;)’

hyunjin smiles and saves your number.

ever since that day, you and hyunjin had been fucking. everyday, every night. til you felt weird. you woke up feeling sick as you got up from your bed. taking hyunjins arm off of you, you ran to the bathroom and threw out everything that made you feel like this.

hyunjin wakes up from his slumber and hears you vomiting. running to your side, he holds your hair up and soothes you for comfort.

“noon- y/n what happened? are you okay?”

“h-hyunjin, i think im pregnant.” you said silently. hyunjin’s face is full of shock. he stands back away as you slowly get back up onto your feet. “a-are you sure that youre just not sick?” he asks.

shaking your head, you look up with tears in your eyes. hyunjin leaves the room and grabs his belongings. hearing the door slam shut, you fell onto your knees and sobbed on the floor.

-

its been 4 months since hyunjin left you and your belly was now growing. you were looking through photos of you and hyunjin and memorized the feelings you two had on your phone as you were waiting for your name to be called for your second ultrasound. looking down at your belly, you put your hand over it and smiled.

“miss l/n?”

swifting your head to wherever your name was called out, you smiled and stood up to the nurse from your first ultrasound scan. “is it just you again?” she asks. you nod your head and follows your nurse to what room you need to be in.

laying on the bed, she puts on the gel and rubs the machine on your swollen belly. looking at the screen in front of you, you see your precious angel. how much you wish hyunjin was here to see this.

your second ultra sound was another success. you looked at your phone for any messages from hyunjin but there was none.

meanwhile, hyunjin was hesitant on calling you. he wanted to know if you were okay. if you were having fun. if you were healthy. if his kid was healthy. sitting on his bedroom floor, he glances at the pictures he printed out of you two on his walls.

hyunjin screams at himself for being stupid and leaving you alone to bare with the pain.

another 4 months has passed and he still hasnt texted you. you were on the verge on calling him- if he was okay til you felt pain and liquid come out of your coochie. calling your hospital instead of hyunjin, you made your neighbor (who is ur best friend n yall really close) drive you to the hospital.

arriving at the emergency, the nurses put you on a bed due to the amount of pain youre having. you let go of your friends hand and blacked out.

you wake up and see hyunjin holding your hand while tears are streaming down his face. “h-hyunjin?” you call his name weakly. hyunjin looks up and cups your face. “y/n, im so sorry” he whispers and plants a kiss on your forehead. “jinnie, what happened? where our baby” oh how much did he miss hearing you call out his nickname.

“shes right here love”

hyunjin leaves his seat and goes by the bed cart next to you to give you his baby. “its a baby girl?” you asked him with tears spilling out. “yes y/n. she was born a month early but shes still healthy. god y/n, you scared me so much, i thought i was going to lose you”

“i couldnt stop thinking about you. it was stupid for me to walk out on you. it was stupid to leave you all alone, feeling the pain. it was stupid for me to not be there for you when you needed somebody. when the doctors called me, i was so scared that you werent going to wake up. they told me how you passed out when you got here and that they had to do surgery on you because you wouldnt wake up.”

even if hyunjin wasnt done with his story, you couldnt control your tears anymore. hyunjin goes to your side and wipes your tears away. he goes to your lips and attempts to kiss your lips until you heard your baby girl giggle, making you and hyunjin burst out of laughter.

“y/n, please take me back. not as friends with benefits, but as couples. i want to live forever with you and our baby and possibly more children. i want to be there for you and our baby.”

“of course hyunjin” both you and hyunjin smile and leans in for another kiss. hyunjin then kisses your baby. “i do hate how she has most of your features even if i raised her myself” you pouted. “i guess you can say that i have the best sperm” hyunjin winks. playfully slapping hyunjins arm.

END <3

its not the best

[springfieldblues]

my long ass review for S32E03 Now Museum, Now You Don’t

warning: LONG because i rambled about history more than i thought i would

id been looking forward to this one because i like art history, especially after seeing how they tried their best to stick to historical accuracy in the previous episode I, Carumbus. this time however….they didnt try that hard. i dont know why i thought theyd go through that sort of trouble again LMAO

but its okay, i dont really expect the simpsons to be the paragon of historical accuracy or anything. especially in anthology episodes told through a particular character's lens (in this case, lisa, whos already feverish so whatever)

first i just wanna say that this is, i guess, less of a review and more of an accidental list of history fun facts. so im just gonna get my general thoughts out of the way first.

the episode was fun! to me at least haha. i mean it got me to think and do a lot of research on my own so that must count for something. besides a couple of really weird ones, the jokes were good. anthology episodes tend to be….not that good but i thought this one was one of the better ones so far. idk.

anyway on to lisanardo da vinky its the renaissance! jesus christ the italian accents in the beginning of this segment were annoying as hell but i also feel like that was the joke lmao. ill be real i kind of tuned out for a second there when grampa started rambling so idk what he said.

i told myself i wouldnt get nitpicky with historical accuracy if the jokes were funny (final edit: so that was a lie) but this meh bit with the pizza guys and mascots was really not worth ignoring the fact that its impossible for italy to have any tomato-based food in the 15th century (tomatoes were brought to europe from the americas in the 16th century, and pizza as we know it today—flatbread, cheese, tomato—originated in the late 18th century)

oh this next part was kind of legit tho. lisanardo, like the real leonardo, became andrea del verrochio's apprentice at his workshop. i loved this next bit:

"Whoever paints the sweetest cherub will have the honor of having MY name signed on their work. That's what great artists do!"

SO YEAH as it turns out, lisanardo painted the sweetest cherubs. the painting here is called The Baptism of Christ, and the real leonardo assisted verrochio in finishing it. specifically, he painted the cherubs in the corner.

this causes verrochio to quit and go someplace with less talented people: a music school (yes, verrochio did quit painting after getting owned by young leo and his mad angel painting skills. he never did anything with music tho, he was more of a sculptor)

alongside lisanardo, in mr largo-verrochio's workshop we have barticelli (botticelli bart), dolphatello (donatello dolph), ralphael (raphael...ralph) and mediocrito (no one that i know of. sorry milhouse) (and kearney i guess but they dont refer to him by name). botticelli and donatello are said to have also been apprentices at verrochio's workshop, but raphael came a couple of decades later so he couldnt have been there. and donatello was too old so that claim is a bit questionable. but anyway

it IS true that leonardo's peers envied him, to the point where he was anonymously and purposefully accused of being gay (a major crime punishable by death in 15th century florence) while he was still working at verrochio's workshop

we are then treated by what im pretty sure is the fourth time the show has used 'at seventeen' by janis ian, this time sung by a dejected lisanardo (man they really do keep making yeardley sing these days huh) who only wishes to be appreciated and not envied.

"I'll show them all! I'll show them all in a secret diary that no one will decipher for 400 years!"

some of lisanardo's future inventions. who wouldve known

so after barticelli, for some reason (revenge??? or something?? what was his plan here idgi) steals lisanardo's diaries full of blueprints of her inventions and takes them to mr burns who i have to assume is pope alexander VI here, they decide to use her inventions for war.

"With these, we can kill the most evil people in the world!! ....Slightly different Christians."

leo actually did this of his own accord. im surprised this is what they decided to do with lisanardo instead of talking about leo's love of nature and vegetarianism (not a single mention of that in this episode? come on...) then again, trying to do good only to end up indirectly making things worse is a very standard lisa storyline. i guess they didnt want to miss the chance to have evil pope burns (very fitting, especially for that era since they were all about money and controlling the people)

so lisanardo decides to leave for france, unlike the real leonardo who was more or less persuaded by his ultimate fanboy king francis I to move to france.

"Lisanardo, I have many questions. Why are you hitting yourself? A nerd says 'what'? And how is it possible that I am rubber and you are glue? Et cetera, et cetera."

that line may seem a little random, like hes just nelson saying nelson things (and i mean, obviously he is) but the real francis also "had an unquenchable thirst for learning, and Leonardo was the world’s best source of experimental knowledge. He could teach the king about almost any subject there was to know, from how the eye works to why the moon shines." so yeah, he did have many questions and lisanardo, finally being appreciated for her intellect, was happy to answer them all. its very interesting how lisa assigned this role to nelson in her retelling of da vinci’s life :^)

and so she lived the rest of her days in france, nat king cole's 'mona lisa' plays because duh, and they make a da vinci code reference because duh. and the segment ends. and not a single time did they show the actual mona lisa painting. the fuck?

(ngl i was fully expecting bart to say 'leonardo da vinky' for a second here)

so this next segment is about french impressionist painters, most likely the batignolles group, a name adopted by the early representatives of impressionism. its much more vague than the lisanardo segment since no one here is referred to by name (except moe, more on him in a sec) but i dont feel like it really matters in this case. bart is prrrrooobably claude monet but its hard to say, this segment is kind of a mish-mash of a lot of things. also i gotta say i really liked how lisa introduced the story to bart with an 'if you hate the formal study of art' and not 'if you hate art' because thats exactly my headcanon. i LOVE the concept of artist bart and whenever its referenced it just makes perfect sense to me.

anyway the segment opens in 1863 at the école des beaux-arts (back then it was actually known as the académie des beaux-arts), preserver of traditional french art styles. skinner reviews his students’ paintings one by one. praises the plain, unimaginative paintings depicting your typical european countryside landscapes. very run-of-the-mill (haha get it...cuz theres….a windmill) (although the real académie didnt approve of such basic stuff, they wanted artists to draw epic historical and mythological scenes) then he gets to barts painting and he gives him an F- because the painting made him think.

(the paintings in this scene arent real famous paintings as far as i know but they are inspired by real paintings enough to get the point across)

in comes barney dressed as bacchus as a model for the students to sketch, which i just loved:

barney: “You prefer robe open or robe off?” skinner: “Just cover your privates with this walnut shell.” barney: “Whoa!!! So roomy!”

skinner gasps in horror at bart’s sketch, which “looks nothing like him” and bart explains that “it shouldn’t; we’re making the art that we feel because we can’t compete with a camera.” damn, you go bart. take that, realism. draw what you feel!!

(also no, you didnt need to hold still for 17 hours for a daguerreotype. 30 min tops.)

nelson haw-haw of the week: FOIE-gras!

so here they are at the moulin rouge (“enjoy it before baz luhrmann ruins it” hey shut up. i love that movie), which wouldnt be built for another 26 years, but it is the most widely known gathering place for bohemians in the public consciousness so i can understand why they went with the moulin. nelson delivers this anachronistic line:

“This époque keeps getting beller and beller!”

which alludes to la belle époque, the golden age of france usually dated from 1880 to 1914. made me snort so ill let that slide

and heres moe! as henri de toulouse-lautrec, who was actually born a year after the year this segment is set in. yo moe szyslak he was just 1

toulouse-moetrec introduces himself as the chronicler of the demimonde (not an actual job). an iconic figure associated with the moulin rouge (largely due to his affinity for alcohol and prostitutes), toulouse-lautrec was also a painter, having illustrated a series of posters for the moulin himself. he simply had to be in this segment, anachronisms be damned, just because they decided to include the moulin. cant have one without the other.

and yes he did have a walking cane where he kept his liquor.

i love how everyone drinks absinthe in this place. theyre bohemians what else would they drink

toulouse-moetrec points out that barts paintings are the greatest thing hes ever seen (and hes seen like five things!) and that hes a genius. milhouse realizes that they should stop doing what the teacher says and use their own minds to instead...start doing what bart says lmao. to the easels!

next we have skinner hyping up chalmers about the art his students made for the salon de paris, an art exhibition that the emperor of france will attend. he assures him that none of these paintings will encourage debate, provoke thought or be out of place at a dentist’s office. when they unveil the art, theyre both SHOCKED at how scandalous the paintings actually are.

this reaction was kind of accurate. impressionism was severely rejected at the salon de paris, due to paintings not looking finished enough to them, they thought they were ugly and vulgar for depicting nudity in a contemporary setting (historical and mythological nudity was fine). these impressionist paintings were sent to the salon de refusés, which is. yeah. the place where they sent the rejects. the salon de refusés does not make an appearance but this scene makes a reference to it when the artists get expelled from the royal salon. also:

“What about our student loans?” “Oh they’ll be refunded. We are not barbarians, I mean, come on.”

(god if only)

so the painters are down because they want the emperor to actually see their paintings. toulouse-moetrec pipes in once again with an idea.

“There is one thing the emperor loves more than anything.” “France?” “No, he hates France.”

apparently the emperor really loves cheese, which makes sense since its napoleon III (who loved cheese) and homer (who loves cheese.) so the painters roll into the salon inside a giant wheel of cheese (obviously.) as lenny said, “Eh, you know French cheese. Very runny.” napoleon III chases after the wheel into a room, where the wheel falls apart after getting chomped on by the emperor. now that they got his attention, the painters proudly show the emperor their impressionist art, which he couldnt be more indifferent about because he just wants to eat his cheese dammit, and he awards them with the royal medallion just to kind of get them out of his way. skinner immediately starts kissing ass (as he does) until marge’s like ‘hey wait a minute. you expelled these students from the royal salon’ and an executioner immediately starts ominously measuring skinners neck.

“Uh, sir...is your tongue sticking out because you’re dead or because you’re mad at me?”

and thats the end of that lmao (gore in this episode, gore in the last episode, and next week we’re getting gore too cuz its THOH, what the hell is goin on)

we get a short intermission with maggie, who wants a story for her too! lisa tells her that renaissance artists loved to put babies in their paintings, especially baby angels.

here she is showing her The Triumph Of Galatea by raphael:

King David Playing The Harp by peter paul reubens:

and a very simplified version of pretty much any depiction of hell by hyeronimus bosch lmao:

not much else to say about this one, really. but i really liked that sky!

the last segment is about frida kahlo and diego rivera. or as bart puts it ‘the one about a fat guy whos wife is too good for him.’ i was REALLY looking forward to this one because i love frida and i thought itd be a cool opportunity for animators to go bonkers and do really cool shit with her art as inspiration…..but the segment is not about frida, its about diego and his selling out to capitalism. and its also yet another story with homer and marge drama. no funky cool animation here. sigh i guess i’ll take it

the story begins in 1929 at la casa azul, frida’s home (now museum dedicated to her life and work.) frida and diego are getting married. this courtyard definitely did not look this way yet back in 1929. also theres something very cringy yet funny about lovejoy saying spanish words the way he does, i honestly cant decide how i feel about that one

the writers know theyre being cringy with their gringoness so they go along with it.

moe: “Spanish for ‘best wishes’!” mel: “Spanish for ‘congratulations’!” bumblebee man: “Spanish for ‘muy bueno’!”

OH YEAH BUMBLEBEE MAN this is his new voice actor, eric lopez! hes not mexican but its still great to finally have a latino actor voicing a latino character and hes very excited to be part of the show so i hope to hear more of him!! im rooting for him

el barto/zorro makes an appearance which i am very confused about. he has jack shit to do with frida and diego and mexico in the 20s-30s. el zorro was set in the spanish california of the early 19th century. their use of the original theme song makes me think they just wanted to flex their disney privileges tbh

lets not talk about that that whole scene was bad

anyway diego announces he and frida are going to new york, without even asking her first. frida is obviously pissed.

“Don’t worry, as a woman, you’ll be treated with much more respect in America.”

so in new york, diego is having a bit of a business meeting with mr burns as one of the members of the rockefellers, who is commissioning him to draw a mural for the rockefeller center. its kinda funny how he refers to him and frida as socialists even though they were very much communists lmao its okay you can say it. ok so far, but then frida says ‘yes, we hate the capitalists! right now, a young socialist is being born who will take them down! mr. bernie sanders. i hope hes quick about it’ and that was a simple enough joke and couldve been left at that but then its immediately followed by this weird as fuck family guy-esque cutaway gag to bernie as a baby:

“Getting a cootie shot should not cost your lunch money. And if you don’t listen to me, listen to the Bernie Babies! What? Everybody’s got goons.” *larger babies start beating up this other baby* “I disavow that, and welcome it.”

this confused me so much that i had to ask one of my american friends to help me understand, but even she was like ‘uhhh yeah thats a weird joke,’ especially now that hes been out of the race for months (then again these episodes take almost a year to produce. i guess they couldnt be bothered to replace it with something more relevant.) whatever that was weird and confusing and unfunny moving on

frida is pretty irked that diego is going through with this deal. after all, it goes against everything they believe in. im not sure how the real frida felt about diego doing the mural, but she did feel a bit of rage during her visit to the united states, especially the obvious disparity between rich and poor. she hated having to interact with capitalists and found americans very boring. in this segment, frida seems to be acting more like the american communist party, which diego got kicked out of for accepting commissions from wealthy patrons. in any case, frida is pretty upset about this whole thing.

and finally we get the first and only kind of surreal frida moment. kinda. maybe. its more cartoonish than anything but im desperate ok

interesting how they felt like they had to add a “don’t smoke” in big letters after showing patty and selma flying away on their giant cigarettes. i wonder if this is something theyre making them do now? i remember hearing something about them toning down patty and selma’s smoking

diego comes home to frida, drunk as hell, followed by the marx brothers. i cant believe they didnt make a marxism joke come on it was RIGHT THERE. THE MARX BROTHERS. KARL MARX. COME ON

frida paints her feelings.

this makes diego realize that frida is a genius and he is not half the artist she is. he proclaims he will now show his awe of her by sleeping with other women, starting “an hour ago.” to which frida replies, “and i will start sleeping with other women, starting two hours ago.” yes this was pretty much their relationship. though im just wondering how the hell did diego not know frida was this kind of artist until now? i know homers an idiot but jeez. art was how frida and diego met, diego knew from the get-go that frida was an incredible artist. i guess the fame got to his head or something. again, homer just being stupid.

“well enough already, while the art is still deco, okay?”

its time for the mural diego painted, Man At The Crossroads, to be unveiled:

rockefeller examines it. good and great so far, and then...uh oh

“Who’s that fellow…? With the beard, and the bolshevik smile…” “That’s the founder of Soviet Russia, Lenin!”

“B-b-but he’s a communist!” “Oh he just attended a couple of meetings.”

rockefeller will not have this communist in the temple to capitalism that is the rockefeller center, so he orders diego to paint over it. diego stands his ground and refuses. despite rockefeller’s threats, diego says that theres only one person he wants to be proud of him no matter what and in true homer & marge fashion, frida is touched by this. they happily leave the rockefeller center.

now, the real story of Man At The Crossroads and the rockefeller center was actually not that different. as soon as the rockefellers found out diego had snuck in a portrait of lenin into the mural, they ordered him to paint over it, to which he refused. diego even offered to include abraham lincoln and even american abolitionists in the mural as a compromise, but the rockefellers simply did not want any references to communism whatsoever. they did not complain about the hammer and sickle, though. yes, they did know diego was a communist and hired him anyway. what did they expect? lmao. diego said:

"Rather than mutilate the conception [of the mural], I shall prefer the physical destruction of the conception in its entirety, but preserving, at least, its integrity."

so they decided to destroy the mural before it was even finished and they never talked to each other again.

diego then repainted the mural at the palacio de bellas artes back in mexico, this time known as Man, Controller of the Universe. this new version included even more communist leaders and a depiction of john d. rockefeller jr. drinking at a nightclub, right underneath a depiction of syphilis bacteria. cue nelson haw-haw:

this was the version they used in the episode also, since the original was, well, never finished and also destroyed. only a black and white photograph of it exists, taken by diego before it was destroyed so he could remake it.

right so, homer!diego then pulls a Barthood and finishes the episode with a large mural summarizing the entire episode. he says some rick and morty thing i didnt get because i dont watch the show idk idc

the end

ALRIGHT NOW ITS TIME FOR THE STORY OF VINCENT VAN MOE

[belllaculllen]

Edwards POV when he thinks Bella killed her self

It was a pretty dull day  but my life has been pretty dull since I left forks, since i left..... i could feel my face wince with pain, if i could cry i know i would. Speaking her name, the one who holds my heart so dear, only tortures me, i try everything to forget her but its like someone slowly tearing me limb from limb and feeling that pain when they light me on fire, which i wholey deserved after how i treated her.... but it had to be done, it was for her safety! I'm to dangerous for her..... i deserved to suffer. As I sit in this dingy and abandoned apartment looking over the city, i missed her..... her hair, how beautiful it was, long just past her shoulders, shiny and so soft, the way it shined in the light you could see a tint of red. Her lips such a beautiful heart shape, the color of a light pink rose i could almost still feel them in mine. her skin almost as soft as her lips i could hold her all day, i shook my head trying to shake her memory from my head, its wrong.... i can't think of her..... it only makes it harder to stay away.  

Its been hours, i should probably move..... i don't know why i have no will for anything, i have nothing to live for, the only thing i lived for if you call what i do living was for .... her. i leaned forward and put my face in my hands, what to do with my self, just as i was sinking to deep into my own self pity i heard my phone ring, the only people to have this number was My family, i looked at the caller ID, ugh i sighed, Rosalie, i wonder what insult she has came up with today, as much as i didnt want to answer the phone i begrudgingly pressed the talk button “Hello Rosalie how can i help you today” wow hearing my own voice i sound so pitiful and then i hear Rose on the other end with slight panic “Edward! Alice just left for Forks...... Bella is gonna try and kill her self” the moment i heard the words, her name, the first time i have heard it in months, then i realized the sentence Rosalie had said it in, I froze in such anger, how could this happen, i had to make sure for my self i had to interrupt Rosalie from saying my name repeatedly “Rose.......i have to go.” she replied “Edward don't you dare do any-” i cut her off my voice so low, i felt like i didnt even have a voice “Thank you for youre call” i slammed the phone down, i knew i had to make the phone call.... i dialed the number i knew so well, it rang a few times until a familiar voice answered on the other end, i couldn't tell who though, maybe it was charlie, i realized i needed to respond “Hello is Charlie home.” in a very quick and angry response on the other end i hear “No, he's arranging a funeral” then the dial tone... i felt everything in me freeze, if i had a beating heart i would feel it drop....  it must be true. My Love... My Bella..... what have i done. I crush the phone in my hands, so much anger and emotion in me that i never knew possible..... I did this, this is all my fault ...... there is only one thing to do. 

As I ran through the forest, at the speed of light, i knew i would make it to Volterra by sunrise, perfect timing just enough time to talk to Aro for my request.... to die. 

Running feeling the earth move underneath my feet, i tried holding back screams, for screaming is how i release the emotion of crying ...... for the anger and pain i could feel in every core of my being, she's not here, how come i am here and she is not, she's not here..... she's not .... i couldnt take it any more i let out with such force and anger “SHES NOT HERE!” I stopped running, i couldn't help but collapse, holding my knees to my chest i cried “BELLA!” wishing the screaming would bring her back .... that some miracle would happen.... as i sat cradling my legs in the pitch black forest, my voice cried, i pleaded with god to bring her back to me, and apologized for all things Ive done if i could just have her back..... I knew i needed to get up and keep running .... for if i wanted to get to Volterra in time i would need to get on my feet now, but i couldn't move .... I wish i could hold her again ... 

Around 4:00 AM i got back on my feet, a little behind schedule but that wasn't gonna stop me, i couldn't live any longer .... knowing she isn't on this earth any more, then why should i be.... 

I got to Volterra around 6:00AM, i don't think i have ever ran as fast in my life, as i approached the doors to the home of Aro, Marcus, and Caius ... I became .. eager to get this over with. The gaurds looked at me with caution, they probably though i was som rabid new born with how i looked, i hadn't changed since her birthday party, My blue button down shirt completely torn in a few places, i had dirt everywhere, Animal blood stains on my pants, I looked at them “Hello, Im Edward Cullen. Carlisle Cullens son” with out a word they separated to let me through, I slid through very quickly, i saw they had a new Secretary, Human of course, i just nodded my head to let her know i was cleared and walked in.  The last time i was in this room, I can't even recount, i didnt visit the volturi very often for i wasn't very fond of Aros ways... i felt he was unfair and cruel... but i would not dare think those thoughts if i wasn't planning to die already since Aro can hear and see every thought you have ever had just by touching you. My thoughts were interrupted my Aros loud and overly excited tone “AWWW HELLO EDWARD MY OLD FRIEND!” he sat up and walked toward me “To what pleasure do we ow your visit today friend” I hated this man with every being in my body ..... I almost hated him as much as i hated my self, no need to appease him for there was no point “Aro, i wish to die” Aros face dropped, he was so confused when one of us wanted to die, he didnt understand for he thought being one of us, a monster was so amazing, He looked at me and stepped a little closer “Edward, now that would be a waste wouldn't it, why don't you join us” he paused and smiled so big and opened his arms in a welcoming way to look at all that was a round us, i didnt think it was so great at all, he continued “Here! in the volturi, youre gifts are much to powerful to just kil off you see” As much as i tried to pay attention to what anyone was doing, i couldn't... All i could do was see her face “Aro i wish to no longer live, i do not wish to join you” Aro clasped his hands together and looked at me with disapproval and pity “Im sorry Edward” and with that i walked out of the room.... I had to come up with a plan to make it where they would have to kill me. some thing that they would have no choice. 

I Sat underneath a tree, it was pretty shady which was good because it was so sunny, as i thought i saw a young girl walk by... and then it hit me, Its was the festival! and it was sunny. A rule that the volturi have never forgiven is showing our selves in the sun to a group of people, exposing us really, they would kill me instantly, its perfect, ill do it at noon. now where is there most sun.... I looked around the grounds and there it was, the clock tower, it was most sunny and most visible by the people over there, it was sure to work, I stood up and ran faster then anyone could notice so i could inside the door and sit until it was time. 

I kept looking at the time, for the first time in forever time was going slow...all i could think about was her, my dead heart ached, I've tried all day to distract my self so i could get here to get the job done, i shouldn't be on this earth,  but finally as i looked, it was 5 minutes til noon. I stood in preparation, I took off my button down..

 even though i didnt need it, i took a deep breath, 1 minute. I stood by the door and got ready to open it, i heard the commotion of the festival out side, and then i opened the doors. I could feel the sun on my skin, it felt good, I whispered “Bella, i love you” as i said the words i felt something slam into me, i smelled a familiar scent, strawberry shampoo, and then i realized what i had been hearing, the most amazing voice i have ever hear “Edward! Edward open your eyes!” I opened my eyes and there she was, my love, It happened they did it, and so fast, I'm with my love, what did i do to deserve.... Heaven, what did i do to deserve Bella, I spoke “Heaven” and i grasper her hair gently, while gently stroking it, then i felt her push me and it wasn't light anymore, and i realized i didnt die, and she was actually here, coming to the realization i had no control I grasped her hair and pulled her closer to me and crushed my lips into hers, she was so warm, so soft, just like i remembered but better, i held her so close i never wanted to let go, she responded the same way i was reacting, and in the moment i realized i needed her and she needed me ..... forever as our lips separated i looked in her beautiful deep brown eyes with all the joy capable in the world i said “Youre alive”

[tigerheart101]

Back from a break

Sorry to my friends and fellows for my silence. i took a major mental health break.

 because i learned that the majority of this world is made up of liars. Even people who claim the best intentions, when they find a weaker soul they will manipulate their ways into a win. 

The day when a slightly troubled but generally obsesssively careful and good person is prosecuted when they helped someone who was legit a bad person with bad habits and they helped this person be good and happy and just generally well behaved but still be themselves. then just one day the good person is so emotionally and mentally drained because they have overloaded themselves with work because everyone keeps saying they can handle it that their smart enough their strong enough except that bad person who all though they never out right said anything they constantly reminded them they were nothing but what others wanted them to be then eventually this good person snaps.. stops talking, stops function and ultimately STOPPED HELPING.  my best friend who i have learned is 1 of the only people i have ever been able to trust more then my own family finally said to me.  “it does no good to be a good person if everyone sees you threw a bad filter. and it does no good to give more of yourself to help others when you have nothing left to help yourself. cant fill someone elses glass to the top with water when you only had a half cup of water left in your own. “ 

Id love it if i was such a hard core edgy person that i can say these experiences have taught me to say fuck you to the world and help myself. but it hasnt, i just today gave a stranger 5 dollars to buy herself a bus ticket home to her kids. i still watch 5 kids for a friend for free because their going threw alot and really just needed a bit more help. i still take care of everyone while cried in my uber ride today cause we passed a pilot station. this is just who i am ok.  these experiences, ruined my education. but i wont let it stop me, i got my ged last month and i will be going to school for my associates and later my degree soon as i can securely.  i just got hired for a great job, and i start work in a week and im excited to do it.  i have a girlfriend who is going threw her own struggles and yea we fight sometimes but i love her and i refuse to give up on us because i dont give up on people.  i have my own family, not one i was born to, not one out of obligation or just so they can say they tried to help the troubled girl. but one that loves me up and down. who has watched me grow up in hell threw when i was generally bad (which my bad was having additude, crippling stress and a short temper) and my good which is not now and not then.. my good is a day when i wake up after a good night sleep. which is rare.  i have stopped taking all my antidepressants and anti anxiety even my migraine meds...and you know what..i am so much happier...yea i am traumatized and scarred after this last year of hell.. but being honest without the meds that supposedly are suppose to help me. i have more happy days.. my meds had caused me to gain weight rapidly on top of the far from healthy way i ate. my meds made it so yea i didn't cry as much but when i should have been crying i was sad as hell but i didn't cry, i didn't scream i did nothing but sleep, go to school, and sleep some more, eat whenever i was forced out of the house or someone else put it in front of me.... i dont need it. i hate drugs, before it was just illegal ones. right now its all of them.. because i was a good girl, i did everything my doctor told me to. and all it did was ruin my life. it killed my motivation to function, it made me into a zombie who could barely function and my doses where never even that high. i was so careful i started on tiny doses to try and prevent this very issue and i still had it.. it made me process my heart ache and stress as anger. it made me scared of leaving my room and it made me just want to sleep all day.it made what was never a very healthy body to begin with a much more unhealthy body and nearly made me diabetic because my metabolism was so slow i could no longer handle all the sugar and food and carbs i ingested. 

right now, i should be angry, before i would have been, i would have felt it all as anger and frustration thats all i felt when on my meds.. but right now i dont have it in me to be angry anymore. those who hurt me when i did nothing then be the best i could. i dont care anymore. to those who hurt me out of anger because i stopped making myself sick to keep them happy. To those who gave up on me because of others lies, or things that are just honest to god normal. or things i had no control of. i hope you feel better.  im sorry i pushed you all to the point of giving up, or hating me. im not angry with any of you. i forgive you for your part in it all. and im sorry for mine. im sorry i didnt have it in me to beg for help, or say something when i was stressed, or ask for help when my whole body begged for me to cry or scream but all i did was go to bed. im sorry to my therapist for the fact i couldnt tell you what was wrong with me and every time you gave me homework i never ever did it because i didnt want to acknowledge my feelings and validate them long enough to deal with them and i wanted to just ignore them. im sorry to my family that i wasnt loud enough, funny you always said im loud as hell tis annoying, but for once the problem was i wasnt talking enough and you forgot who i was, you forgot everything about me, dont to the fundamentals of who i am.  im not angry, im not resentful, im honest to god heart broken. i have dated alot i know it. im young thats normal its part of finding yourself for some girl. what i learned, is no heart break is the same as having your own family reject you. no pain is as bad as legit being told that your not wanted, that your a wasted time or that they wish they had never meant you when they are your own blood. 

but im not angry. i was bitter at first with everyone. i didnt understand who people who claimed to protect and love me. could have forgotten who i am at the very core of me. so quickly. but i get it now.  thank you, you taught me alot.  you taught me my voice is valid. im loud as hell, but at least someone hears me.  you taught me that its okay to not be okay because fuck being okay.  you taught me who really loves me. you taught me i have fucking amazing friends, and which ones they where.  you taught me that my biggest fear, was gonna be my greatest strength. 

my girlfriends who family disowned her cause shes trans. She says everyday that only people she trusts is me and her grandmother who is only family she has left. we get in fights built on the foundations of these exact trust issues. 

i understand and respect her pain. but i dont get it. she knows that and loves me for it. because i went threw hell this last year. and lost alot of people to lies. but i still trust everyone. i still offer my neighburs baked goods and a smile every time i see them. i still give homeless people a dollar cause they asked. i still love my family even those who never wanna talk to me. and thats ok.. i dont get the distrust. because to me.. being happy is about being yourself. and you know what. im naive, im volnerable, im ditzy, and oblivious, i trust to much, i give to much of myself, and i love people who dont always deserve it. and im ok with that.  my kindness might be undeserved but ill give it.  i have been nearly killed, betrayed, abused, and assaulted. but each of those people could come to me right now for help. and ill still give it to them. because i was taught if i have it to offer it to someone who needs it.  im okay with that. my girlfriend can be distrusting and angry thats okay to. because i need someone to protect my volnerable ass cause i wont risk hurting someone else to protect myself. 

[zofias]

tod spoliers 

ever since i finished tower of dawn i’ve been wanting to write down my thoughts about it so here goes nothing lmao feel free to ignore this 

ok so tod started off pretty nicely sjm laid out the southern continent very descriptively and i was thoroughly invested bc well i was totally excited to read tod from the start and when i finally got my hands on it i was ready but not ready lol my emotions about it are just all over the place basically 

anyways i really enjoyed the aspects of the southern continent and the history of it the story of the khagans and how they are chosen was interesting the whole khagan gets to choose which child he/she wants as his/her heir was smth i got truly interested in bc its always the first born child who gets to take the crown or w/e so that was a nice change and the siblings that were introduced in tod were all dissimilar they all had such strengths to be heirs since they all specialized/lead different things like hasar had armadas and lead them sartaq had his aerial army kashin was a solider and controlled the armies on land arghun had his network of spies like i enjoyed that they all were individually so powerful i guess like thru each chapter you’d think the khagan would choose a different sibling but i was really happy that sartaq was chosen tho i did kinda feel like he would end up being heir like it became a bit obvious bc he seemed to be the one who took a stand and was like imma leave if you dont help aelin and co. 

ok lets move onto yrene towers at first i didnt know how to feel about her only bc we didnt get into her character as much yet but when she went to see chaol and nesryn for the first time i was literally laughing also idk why but the dynamic between her chaol in that first meeting made just go yup they gonna fall in love im a sucker for haters to lovers trope ok she literally despised him for a good few chapters lol yrene is freaking amazing and so badass her story was smth i really enjoyed i was really interested in her powers and all about the healers she wanted to make a difference and help her ppl and she got her wish in the end what was really cool about her was that she taught young ppl self defense even tho she knew not so much she wanted to give those girls a change to fight back and when the torre was attacked she knew how frightened that made them and made chaol come teach bc he’d be a good distraction from all the horrors i just really loved the way her mind works she was invested in the art of healing so thoroughly and yrene never backed down she was so determined to find answers like i loved her so much she was amazing slm may have faults but the way she writes female characters is really empowering LISTEN I NEED TO TALK ABOUT HOW YRENE PUSHED HASAR INTO THE WATER i legit started laughing so hard like i needed that it was so good yrene is everything if you dont want to read this book bc of chaol read for yrene ok that’s all im going to say yrene was wonderful 

chaol westfall my first thought about him was ‘my baby i hope you heal and get to fight again’ like reading about how much he didnt like it in his chair was really sad i mean i get it chaol was always really determined and he like being ready to fight and then he lost movement in his legs and his world turned upside down like when yrene was healing him and he was feeling all the darkness and remembering what his father did to him when i read that his father literally pushed/threw him out of the house made me tear up chaol hit his head hard and the son of a bitch father didnt even let chaol’s mother come to him and terrin saw and chaol felt guilty for leaving him i just was so hurt reading that and also few guards helped him leave anielle and his damn father banished them to the mountains like i hated chaol’s father and now i just cant the darkness chaol had in him was so much did he hate himself? i think so but he was so angry and things were haunting him it just made my heart hurt i loved tower of dawn bc we got to see everything about chaol what he felt what he realized it was really good throughout he kept thinking about dorian and always was so loyal to him i love it when they reunite i need sjm to have them hug for a good hour or more tbh like its needed what also made my heart shatter was what he felt for aelin in his darkness you can see how he loved her and his hate for her too like i dont know how to explain it it made me feel idk his darkness was terrible and at some parts i had to put the book down to stop feeling too much idk chaol has gone through so much and it was nice to see what he felt he conquered his darkness and realized and accepted himself his journey was rough but he found himself i was so excited to read this book only bc of him he has always been one of my fav book characters and this made me love him so much more 

CHAROENE???? i dont know chaol and yrene’s shipname but imma tell you i love them together their dynamic was wonderful they slowly became friends and trusted one another they had to somewhat quickly open up to one another bc it was the only way chaol was going to heal physically and emotionally i enjoyed seeing how they developed their relationship it was nice chaol deserved to love someone who cared for him so much my favorite part was when they got into a fight and yrene was walking away and chaol wanted to go after so he willed himself to walk ever so slightly and as he was somewhat getting closer to yrene she began teasing him and moving away to make him walk more it was so cute i liked their relationship a lot they both felt equally comfortable to talk to one another and it was like a balance you know what actually my fav part was their day out in the city when they just rode horses and yrene was healing ppl it was sweet and calm and when they went out to eat just the two of them with no agenda they both deserved smth like that i loved it ik most ppl are going to say sjm wanted to just pair everyone off with a love interest but i love these two it was unexpected esp the fact that they are linked to each other and they’re married!! but i love it im a sucker for that bond stuff ok this relationship made me love tod so much 

nesryn faliq when she was first introduced in queen of shadows i was 50/50 on how i felt about her like i liked her but also somewhat didnt but let me tell you tod made me love her chaol was an idiot for using her as he did and she realized it and it seemed she was ok with it but i loved that she got to have her adventure i loved that she got to return to home and see her family she got to explore the lands of antica with sartaq and kadara what made me like her more was that she was didnt let opportunities pass her by she decided to go with sartaq and find her adventure on her own tho i did sort of predict that her and sartaq were going to become a thing after their little flight on kadara in the beginning idk it just seemed like they would be a thing which they did but i liked it she deserved someone like sartaq there was a lot of mutual respect in their relationship which i admired i loved that thru nesryn we got to learn more about antica and the history and everything like its her home and we got to see what she felt and loved about it that was my favorite thing i also loved that she got her own ruk!! AND NESRYN CAN SING that was so amazing like it adds so much more to her i love her 

a few other things one FUCKING MAEVE IS A VALG QUEEN I HATE HER like that made me so mad and now i want to know how everyone will react to this and what they will do i hope aelin NO ROWAN RIPS HER TO SHREDS another thing lysandra and falkan being her uncle was amazing i loved that we got to learn somewhat as to how lysandra got her powers butterfly the horse made this book a million times better again yrene pushing hasar into the water was hilarious hasar deserved it lmao i really wished someone did smth like to arghun kadara deserves appreciation for being an awesome ruk when she got trapped in the spiderweb i was a wreck also again MAEVE IS A VALG QUEEN what on earth and duva being possessed by valg and throwing her younger sister off a balcony i cried and duva was pregnant that was just so sad im so happy that yrene saved her life im happy that one else died i mean chaol came close obviously again and yrene and him are now linked which is cool but also like terribly dangerous i want to see what sjm is going to do with that the healers were so cool i loved reading about the torre and the origins and everything i hope we get to see more about them yrene is bringing hundreds of them with her so it could be a possibility there was just so much going on in this book lmao

i know i just hit the surface with a lot of this but i really wanted to get my view on the three mains out chaol yrene and nesryn are amazing and you know what i loved that this book was about them finding out where they fit into this war thats booming chaol was uncertain and felt he had nothing to offer bc he was injured but realized that the chair wasnt limiting him but he himself was nesryn found that she can be her own adventure she found that her home country was her place yrene discovered that her powers could save people who are possessed by the valg and that was epic i loved that this book was more about all these characters discovering who they are rather than anything else i loved it so much i was so excited for it and it didnt disappoint me 

if you read my stupid rambling i am so grateful for you haha thank you if you want to leave your opinion go right ahead whether it agrees with mine or not im up for anything lmao also there are probably so many spelling errors im so sorry lol 

~EDIT~ UM I FORGOT TO ADD ABOUT THE FIREHEART CHAPTER I COULDNT HANDLE IT IT RUINED ME OK IM JUST NOT OK AND THE FACT THAT MAEVE HAS AND MAEVE IS VALG MAKES EVERYTHING WORSE I JUST THIS IS TERRIFYING AELIN BETTER BE OKAY I NEED HER TO BE OKAY!!! 

[thedegenerateasexual]

chapter 3 opens with stiles lying to coach about scott's whereabouts and listen this dialogue really is spot on like the writing style i don't love but she's got their way of speaking down PAT like their exchange is so funny i wish i could c/p it all

OHHHHH MY GOD FIRST DEREK POV SECTION HELL YEAH THIS IS WHY I'M HERE

teen wolf is over but i still get new officially liscensed derek hale content. this is the last time

mostly this is a recap of the shit kate pulled in 1.05 but also he recalls peter being a prankster with a wicked sense of humor. tbh if only it was that instead of "manipulative dick"

he's still working out bc he wants to be ready to tear her apart ):

ok so he had the same fire dream as scott (despite the fact that he "never dreams" that's pretty interesting idk if i buy it tho) and apparently his woke him up at 3am, "the hour of the wolf" WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN

oh, this is interesting: in his dream, he actually fought the alpha, and while he was thinking "i can't win this" his "wolf brain" (lol) was thinking: "Kill him. Before he kills you. Because he will. He will come at you and at you— / There will be many Alphas, other Alphas; each one you kill will bring another. There will be blood on your hands forever. This one, today; another one, tomorrow. / And on Wolf Moon . . . legions. / Humans will try to destroy you. / If they fail, an Alpha will succeed."

(im copy-pasting from the FFN version to paste long quotes lol i dont wanna retype them. bless whoever decided to do that im only sorry they couldnt get thru all 19 chapters)

anyway this sounds like alpha pack stuff? i would be floored if they had thought that far ahead back in season ONE but theyre doing jackson's parents so maybe they did????

aw, apparently derek has a sleeping bag. this poor guy i hope he's not too uncomfortable ):

OHHH WE'RE GETTING TO THE GOODS we're back to hale fire angst

gonna c/p a long section:

There are a few people I'd like to kill, he thought, but no way would he put himself under the control of an Alpha he didn't even know. And besides, what he'd told Scott was true: as a werewolf, he, Derek, might be a predator, but he wasn't a killer. There was a difference, and anyone who'd been born a werewolf and raised by werewolf parents would know that. Scott had simply been bitten, apparently at random, and if he, Derek, didn't teach him how to deal with it, Scott would wind up either under the control of the Alpha or dead.

Dead, because Derek would kill Scott himself rather than allow him to expose the existence of werewolves to the humans who lived in Beacon Hills. Scott had threatened to tell Chris Argent everything. That was when Derek had taken Scott to see Uncle Peter, make him see that the Argents were ruthless killers. Eleven members of Derek's family had died in the fire that had swept through this house six years ago. Men, women, children. Not all of them werewolves.

And none of them deserving of the hideous, fiery death dealt to them by the Argents.

like...oh my god. derek is truly in a kill or be killed mindset holy shit it's Bad he's like so hellbent on getting revenge!! his anger is using him, not the other way around! like sure  helping him keep control, because he wants it that badly and feels that strongly about it but when you are considering killing sixteen year olds There Is A Problem we do not kill children! that's bad! even the argents SAY they don't kill children and most of them are batshit insane!

would also like to take a moment to appreciate the "i'm a predator but i don't have to be a killer" bit bc that became his anchor in My Fanfiction instead of anger and i love that he says it as early on as s1, repeatedly, what a good choice i made

about kate: "cold-hearted bitch. if ever someone deserved to die..."

and then he immediately growls JUST AT THE THOUGHT OF HER and redoubles his workout routine efforts by switching his push-ups to single-hand so he can be Ready - "or the next time the fire came, it might devour him too"

good GOD we haven't even gotten to the kate angst yet and i'm already feeling #validated this was my exact interpretation of season 1 derek he's a fucking asshole because everybody fucking died and he doesn't want to be next because he's got to avenge them

more interesting werewolf lore via derek's internal monologue: "But that wasn't the entire dream, he reminded himself. I dreamed about other Alphas coming after me. Why? It' s not a crime to kill an Alpha. I'm a werewolf. The way we progress in status is through challenge. If my opponent won't back down, it's within my rights to take what's mine in any way I can. Even death." i...don't think that's how it works really? like by the end of the show alpha are implied to be more like parents and the thing to do is wait for them to pass and have the power be handed down to someone else in the pack like how laura got it after their family died. they're not animals and to people killing another person is a big deal?? i can see why among other reasons they decided this novel wasnt canon

he's so stressed he went out to jog shirtless (an important detail that they felt the need to mention) and now he's monologuing about how even though his life is horrible he wouldn't trade it for the life of a human for ANYTHING i love this born werewolf boy it's just so intricately part of who he is you can't take it out of him anymore than you could take the demon out of jesse he just wouldn't be the same person season 4 must have been so AWFUL for him ))))):

ohhhhhhhhhhh boy. "he used to work off all the extra testosterone by swimming laps. Tthat was how he had met HER"

i read a meta about this and it was not pretty i'm ready to be validated and also very sad

derek smells a real natural not-werewolf somewhere in the forest is it that white one from earlier why is there a wolf in california

haha then derek smelled scott ("spying?!") and got mad and wanted to shift, but he didn't because it's day and you never know who's watching, or plotting. "like i am"

this poor guy he's like so distinctly miserable

i don't really like the STYLE of this writing and i feel like the PLOT is going to be cardboard-thin at best but the CHARACTERS are coming through loud and clear so on that front it's very well done. i actually am enjoying myself a bit which i did not expect

[clarkgreggreporter]

The Reddit MarvelStudios AMA (Ask Me Anything) with Clark Gregg, May 16, 2017 (click here to read all the questions)

A: (out of sequence, so no question): Well, this week I'm really missing Bill Paxton and Powers Boothe because we lost them and they were both such excellent guys.

A: Missed a few questions there. I'll try to answer some. I love the MCU and love watching the movies and I miss my friends in those casts. That said, I am really proud of where we've gone with Agents of SHIELD and I love this bunch of actors and writers (and crew) as much as any I've ever worked with.

Q What upcoming MCU property are you looking forward to the most? Tahiti is a magical place! A: Anything with Adam Warlock and that may have just been teased in GOTG2

Q Do you have any stories and/or favourite memories of working with the late Bill Paxton? Thanks! A: So many. Just the big grin he'd show up with every day and say, "Bud-dy..." Just a great guy and a wonderful actor/filmmaker with more stories than anyone I've ever met.

Q: What is your favourite MCU movie? A: Pretty damn psyched for Captain Marvel especially with the amazing Brie Larson

Q: Hi! Thank you so much for being SO awesome. In Avengers, when Coulson has been stabbed by Loki and gets to shoot him with the massive gun, he says "oh, that's what that does". What do you wish that gun had done? A: Gone off on its own a minute earlier.

Q: Hi! Thanks for doing this. What's your favorite hand? And if you could have any new hand for your character, what could it do? Thank you! A: The SHIELD attachment does not suck

Q: Hi Clark! Thanks for doing this AMA and everything you've done for the MCU. Love your portrayal of A.C. (Daisy needs to bring that back imo). Have you had any input or influence on the development of Coulson? A: I have some input but most of the great stuff on our show is straight from the writers.   Dream storyline involves saving the Defenders and the Avengers and the Guardians and the Royal Family and everyone in Legion when they get themselves in trouble with Thanos. In a musical episode by Lin Manuel Miranda. (Hamilton)

Q: u/70astralaxe wanted to ask you those question but he coudn't so I'll Phil in [sorry for the pun...]    Favourite Star Wars movie.    Favourite MCU movie.    Whether he had any "holy shit" moments during script-read/when filming a scene.    What he wants for the future of MCU/SHIELD.    If he is planning on doing non-MCU stuff anytime in the near future.    Favourite Ice-Cream Flavour.    Favourite Holiday Destination. A: I'll pick 2. Empire and that coconut something from Ben and jerry's

Q: Clark, it was great seeing you at Denver Comic Con last year. I was the one who told you I loved Choke as well as the intro you wrote for Avengers: Endless Wartime. My question though, do you have any projects coming up that you are writing/directing? Choke was 2008, and Trust me was 2013, so I was hoping we were due for something else soon. Thanks, love your work. A: Writing a film and a sci-fi pilot. Hope to make something next hiatus.

Q: When Joss called you up about Much Ado About Nothing, what was your reaction? Did you get any say in your role? Have you done any other Shakespeare? Thanks for doing this AMA today! A: I was terrified when Joss called, but excited because I had just had a dream I was doing some Shakespeare and it felt ordained. And I love Joss.

Q: Have you watched GOTG Vol. 2 yet? A: Yes. Laughed my ass off.

Q: Hello, What's your favourite MCU movie? Also, what does RDJ smell like? A: I'm a big fan of the Avengers and anything with Cap. Or Stark. Or Thor or the Guardians. Or Strange. Let's face it, I'm a Marvel slut. Robert smells like warm beaches and babies laughing and a freshly washed thong.

Q: What kind of changes in perspective on your character did you work on to bring the 3 different versions of Coulson to life this season? We've had Agent Coulson, Robo Coulson, and Mr. Coulson. What was the most fun about doing that? Also, minor question, do you happen to know what brand / model of glasses you were rocking in the Framework? (I tweeted @amandalynnriley, but alas no response). A: It was fun to have new takes on Phil. Amazing work by the writers. Especially geeking out teacher Phil with his soap. The glasses are called Barton Pereira (sp)

Q: What would like to do for a living if you weren't an actor, besides dominating in lip sync battles? A: Music something. probably not very well. But I loved being in a band. A lot.

Q: Hi Clark! Awesome for you to do this before the big season finale. How do you think your character has changed between now and the beginning of Iron Man 1? In other words, do you think your acting of Phil Coulson has changed that much in 9 years? A: Ah, jeez, I don't know. The character has been through a lot and gotten older, so maybe he's less innocent and a little darker, but I probably am too. I don't know about the acting. I try to forget that's what it is.

Q: Do you read your fanmail? If so, what's something cool a fan has sent you? A: I do. I get amazing stuff and try to answer it all. I've been sent crocheted blankets and lola pillows and maybe some underwear.

Q: Thank you for putting your all into Coulson. He's my favourite character in the entire Marvel universe. As for my question, how much of Clark has gone into the role? Specificially the frequent Star Wars references... is that your input or does it come purely from the writers? A: The writers and I love Star Wars and couldn't imagine Coulson wouldn't as well. There's a bunch of me and then some stiff that's verrrrry different from me.

Q: More serious question: One of the things I love about AoS is how men and women fight each other as equals. But I've wondered if that took the male actors a little getting used to, going all out punching and kicking female actors. Did you find that awkward at first? A: Definitely. Really did not like punching May or Daisy even though neither was a real punch.

Q: Hey Clark! Huge fan of your work in the MCU. My question. Did you know that when you died in the Avengers that you would be brought back for SHIELD? Thanks! A: I did not. Neither did they. #CoulsonLives gave them the idea. So thanks.

Q: What's the weirdest thing a fan ever asked you to do? A: Sign a boob. But it was a big boob so I wrote my full name and then Agent Coulson.

Q: With the amount of time Coulson has been spending in the field in AOS, it has become more and more unlikely that the Avengers wouldn't know that Phil is still alive. Do you personally think any of them know? A: I really wish I had a good answer for that, but I don't. Some day.

Q: Yo Clark! I'm sure you're gonna get a bunch of marvel questions and that's awesome. But I know you're a basketball fan so this is my first question. Who ya got winning the finals? And secondly: Any advice for someone who's dream is to work within marvel either on the tv side or movie side? A: Warriors look soooo good. To work for Marvel it helps to love comics and marvel and then just try to be really good at what you want to do there.

Q: Hey Clark! Read any good books lately? A: Yes. The Wind Up Bird Chronicle by Mirukami

Q: What was it like meeting Melissa Benoist for the dubsmash battle? And have you met any of the other CW heroes? A: I think she's amazing. Loved her in Whiplash. And the fact that she took part in that for charity made me love her even more.

Q: I've been marvel fan since my early childhood, having been born without half of my right hand, my parents and superheroes have always been the biggest source of inspiration. Even in my wildest dreams, i couldnt have predicted these last 10 years, what MCU has achieved and how popular these stories would become all around the world, in that way im living my childhood dream- to see it all done well on the silver screen. What is even crazier- I wouldnt have predicted that the Son of Coul, a shield agent from phase one movies, would start his own show- his own team. Over the years, Aos became , in my humble opinion, the best that superhero tv shows can offer right now, and most recently, even a better source of fun than some of the MCU movies. Past week, i have been buzzing, that we re getting another season. Mostly, i want to say THANK YOU, to everyone who helps to make this show what it is, a source of inspiration and fun to look forward to almost every week. Thank you Mr. Gregg, for breathing life into this awesome character, and also for motivating me in my own studies, and career. I just wanted to express my gratitude, and ask, recently, the Ghost Rider, LMD and Framework arcs have cemented the greatness of this show. When you got first approached to make a shield show, did you think it would end up as such a compelling characters, stories, effects and going for 5 seasons on a small screen? Did you have any doubts? Was there ever a moment when you got a script/shot a scene, where u said to yourself : "Wow, this is amazing" ? Thank you, wish you and the whole cast/crew all the best in making another successful season. A big fan, all they way from Slovakia A: This made my day. Thank you.

Q: What did you think of Iron Fist on Netflix? Do you think it deserves the criticism? What would you have done different if you were the showrunner? A: I love Iron Fist. Both seasons. (then...another reply) Oops. I meant Daredevil. Didn't sleep too well.

Q: Do you remember your time on The Shield well? Great performance. Any fun stories from the set? A: My friend David Mamet directed and the character was so uhinged I felt wrong afterwards. Also, Billy Gierhart who has directed the most eps of AoS was the cameraman on that ep.

Q: As a big fan of What Lies Beneath and Choke, can we expect to see you work behind the camera on Agents of SHIELD any time soon? A: I may direct an episode in season 5. if I don't pass out from exhaustion just thinking about it.

Q: Jed Whedon recently made his directing debut in SHIELD's episode Self Control, which is probably my favorite episode of the show now. What was it like having him direct? Do you think we can look forward to more episodes helmed by him? Great job this season by the way! Coulson's speech a few episodes ago rocked, Captain America would be proud A: jed was amazing and that may be my favorite too. He better direct some more or we'll drag him down to set and make him.

Q: Hey Clark! Thanks for coming by! In about a year we'll be coming up on Iron Man's 10th Anniversary, which means you'll have been playing Coulson for 10 years. How does that feel? And, if you could have Coulson appear in any Marvel-related property, what would it be? A: Wow. Ten years. I feel very lucky. I could have been stuck that long playing a character I didn't love in a world I didn't care about. #Grateful

Q: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D has been renewed for a fifth season, but does not appear on ABC's Fall schedule. Obviously, it will start later, but we've been getting mixed signals. Do you know if Season 5 will be a full, 22 episode season or has it been shortened? A: Yes. Full season after the 8 eps of The Inhumans. Then we do our whole run. Could be cool that way.

Q: Can you tell us anything about today's AoS finale? A: Coulson will change.

Q: This is also a question from my girlfriend, who is at work and can't ask herself: Do you think Phil and May will have a happy ending? A: I won't touch that one.

Q: How would coulson react to meeting the defenders? A: He would geek out. But who knows, maybe they would too.

Q: Two questions: first, I'm currently binge watching the West Wing and I have to ask what it was like working with dialog written by Aaron Sorkin?  Second, are we ever going to see your wife, Jennifer Grey, on AoS? A: Aaron's dialogue is like no one else's. I did Sports Night, TWW and A Few Good Men on Broadway. So I'm lucky. He did a lot to put me on the map.

Q; Hi Clark! Thank you for doing this! I can’t wait for tonight’s finale. Can you take us through what it was like auditioning and successfully getting the role of Coulson? Did you ever imagine that the role would develop and expand like it has over time? A: Never auditioned. Got an offer to play a part that was two scenes in IM. Then they added more and more scenes. Cut to Phil nine years later about to walk into the season 4 finale where he will finally (REDACTED)

Q: Clark, you all have been doing such a great job over the last few years. Why do you think Agents of SHIELD has resonated with so many fans around the world? A: Because thanks to the cast, crew, the writers and Marvel the show keeps getting better all the time. That's very rare.

Last Words From Clark: Thanks so much of the great questions. Sorry I couldn't answer more of them. Acting in an independent film today so I have to run. Join me on the twitter for the S.4 finale tonight. Love you all.

[mentalflowers]

i just wanna feel like a normal human being, i just constantly feel like im an alien. im just so fucking lost and broken, and i just wanna scream at the top of my lungs and break everything in sight. everything is just fucking stupid, i wish i was never born. i mean i love my mom to death, but why did she have to bring me into this world? i dont wanna deal with living at all. and ive been thinking about this a lot, im so scared to lose my mom...like its been just me and her since i was 6-7 years old, and i really dont know what im going to do when shes gone. i feel like there is no reason for me to go on without her. the only reason i havent killed myself is because i dont wanna leave my mom, cause i know that would just destroy her, shes always been there for me no matter what, and ive put her through a lot of bullshit and i feel so shitty for doing it. i wish i could take care of her and give her everything she wants. but i cant, and we’ve been struggling with money and shit for years and i know how much she is stressed out, and how much she just wants to make me happy and give me all the things i need/want. i love her so much and i really appreciate everything she has done for me, she got clean 16 years ago just for me, she tells me all the time, she got a little lost and got addicted for a few years, but she cleaned herself up and did everything for me when my dad left us. she gave up her whole life pretty much just for me, so she could make sure i was being well taken care of. and especially with all the surgeries and stuff, she really did everything she could for me, and taught me so many good things, and she is my number one fan pretty much. with all my problems, and all the doctors saying i wasnt ever going to learn how to walk, they said i was one of the worst cases in the whole world, that i was going to have to be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life, but my mom fought for me, and she kept motivating me and working with me, then one day i started walking and she was so happy, cause she didnt give up on me, she was by my side everyday, helping me and believing in me. i just think of all the shit i have put her through and i feel like shit, like you have no idea. i didnt mean to take out my problems on her when i was upset, i just couldnt control my feelings and i would act out when i was having a bad day, and im sorry for that. i really have been trying to work on it, and i really have been trying to show you how much you mean to me and how much i love you and need you in my life. i told her like a few days ago, that shes the best and i love her so much, and that im sorry for being mean to her, and that i dont mean it. i told her shes so important to me and i have no idea what im going to do when she passes. i told her that she needs to start going to the doctor and stop just talking about it, cause i know shes sick and i know shes in pain, and i just dont wanna see her like that anymore. i need my mommma bear healthy and feeling good. i hate when shes in pain and i hate when shes depressed. i love her so much and i need her, i really fucking need her. shes the only one i truly trust and the only one who i can go to anytime in the day/night. shes my momma bear, shes done so much for me for 20 years and i can never repay her enough. im just gonna keep working on my anger, and do my best to help her. im going to do my best to take care of her when she needs it. when she is hurting, im hurting too. we are so alike its crazy. and its also crazy that when im depressed or something, she can just tell right away i dont even have to tell her, she can just feel it. and its the same for me, i feel when shes depressed. idk this ended up being a lot longer than i thought it was going to be, ive just been thinking about my mom alot lately and how important she is to me. i cannot wait to go to the memorial for chester bennington tomorrow with her, cause linkin park is so important to the both of us, cause we used to listen to them all the time since i was a little girl. like they were even our ringtone on our old flip phone when i was like 10. i cannot wait to sing along with her. i hope she knows how much she really means to me, ive been trying to tell her as much as i possibly can. i really need her to know that im really sorry for everything ive put her through. im not doing any of this because i want to upset her, its because i dont like myself and i want to hurt myself. idk why i have felt like this for so long, but i cant stop it. i just am so broken, and drugs are the only thing that make me somewhat happy. i know she spent my whole life telling me how horrible drug addiction really is, but i decided to start using and now i know first hand how horrible it is. and i feel even worse about it just cause she told me like everyday to not use dope, cause its going to completely destroy me and change me as a person. and now look at me, i dont even know who i am anymore. i just cant wait until my mom and i can truly be happy, together. and do fun things and just live our lives the way we are supposed to. cause i dont wanna take the time i have with her for granted anymore, cause i love her so much and like i said idfk what the fuck im going to do without her. i said to her a few days ago that i might actually just kill myself when that day comes, cause i really dont know what to do without her. well im gunna stop rambling, i just got a lot on my mind and i needed to get it out. just one more thing, i fucking love you momma bear, i know youre never going to see this but still, i fucking love you to the moon and back forever and ever, youre the best mom in the entire world and thank you for doing everything you did for me and for never giving up on me as a child when i couldnt walk and had all those surgeries, i cant imagine how tough that was for you mom, especially when dad left. but just know i got your back no matter what, just like you got mine. youll always be my number one forever, i hope you know how much you truly mean to me, i will tell you it everyday from now on, cause i need you to know how truly amazing you are, youre such an amazing mom, even though you dont think so, i think you are the best, you did everything for me and more, you are such a loving and caring person and you deserve the world<3

[absyoung55]

It's Not Worth It

Part 2 

Part 1

 A/N: I threw the Scottish accent out the window sorry.

The jeep ride was silent both Stiles and Y/N seething with anger. “Aren’t you supposed to be at a party?” Y/n glared at Stiles “I saw you leave Heathers Birthday party. Why were you there?” Stiles kept his eyes on the road but was gesturing spasticly “I was there to protect You” Y/N mumbled propping her elbow on the window ledge and putting her hand in her face “protect me from who!? My friends?!” Stiles screamed at you “Your friends weren’t the only ones there!” You snapped at him. “Yeah I know YOU were there” Stiles looked at you for just a second his expression one of hatred. His comment boiled your blood your fists heated and glowed red hot you held them up to not burn anything. You had saved that fucking girls life. You had allowed Heather to live you could have let the Darach take her. But she was Stiles friend.

At Heather’s party: Y/N had followed Scott and Stiles trailing behind out of ear shot so Scott couldn’t hear you. Or smell you. You observed a short blonde girl kiss Stiles you nearly burned the front door down peeking through the side window. Then they left Scott and disappeared into the house the girl reaked of lust. You could smell Stiles a mile away his chemo signals off the charts. Y/N rounded the corner of the house to peek through a window and there it was. A hideous human being no lips to cover her teeth nor eyelids to cover her bright blue eyes her face mauled and scared. Power rolled off her, supernatural Power, a power you had felt before a long time ago. She was a Darach. Once a druid but was now on a dark path. She started messing with the girl alone in the cellar. A growl ripped through your chest and the thing turned you couldn’t tell if she was shocked at your presence. She waved her arms about; to use her power on you. Y/N crouched and your own power burned bright your eyes glowing violet locked on the hideous thing. Springing forward on your heals you tackled the disgusting thing, wrestling her to the ground straddling her you gripped her forearms and shoved your knee into her wind pipe and incinerated her. Within minutes the Darach was a pile of ash. The blonde girl was released from its spell. Just then Stiles returned with something, and the girl screamed at him and stomped away. Stiles followed after her trying to understand what happened in the 5 minutes he was gone. You kicked around the pile of ashes to make sure there was no evidence of murder. Then you looked around for witnesses thankfully there were none. That’s when you heard it. An Alphas howl. Loud and strong really strong. Curiosity consumed you, Scott could protect the Stiles right? With that comfort you headed to the source of the Alpha cry.

Back To Now:

 “Stiles pull the fuck over NOW” I was furious. My fists burst into flames as Stiles swerved to the side of the road “ What are you gonna do WALK home?! woah.” Stiles was just as furious until he saw my blazing fists. “A-are you okay whats happening?” my eyes glowed violet and I stared at his heat signature “ I dont have control” what is happening I’ve never lost control. Black stripes zig-zagged across my body. I slammed open the Jeep door and fell into the gravel on the side of the road. My claws dug into the cool rocks charring them upon touch. My tail whipped wildly around my legs. I felt pressure on my back and I looked up, Stiles had gotten out of the Jeep and was in the ditch besides me. “ Y/N look at me” I met his eyes “Calm down” like a well trained dog I obeyed, the glow left my eyes and slowly the black stripes receded. God damn what is this boy doing to me? I collapsed on to the gravel, earning a laugh from Stiles. “I have a way with calming out of control werewolves” Stiles looked at his finger nails and pretended to shine them on his hoodie, I rolled my eyes and rose from the gravel. “Im not a werewolf, I’m part werewolf part werelion with a whole mess of complicated” I put my hand on my hip and z snapped my fingers. It was Stiles turn to roll his eyes, I smirked at him. We both got back into the jeep, “Hey um so whats with the flames I mean Scott doesnt have flames… and Malia definitely doesnt have flames..” I looked down at my lap playing with my fingers, I peeked over at Stiles, He was looking at the road then me then the road then back to me. “well its a long story” we just then pulled into his drive way. I pretty much lived at the Stilinski house the sheriff, even though I was thousands of years older, treated me like a daughter, I loved Stiles, I tried to love him like a son, considering our age but its difficult, so right now I’m settling for friends/ roommates, It wasn’t hard to convince the sheriff and Stiles to let me stay with them, I cleaned, cooked, did laundry fixed things, and worked on the jeep. In return I slept on their couch. Stiles shut off the jeep and turned to look at me “Well we have all night” I looked at him in disbelief that he wanted to know. Stiles hopped out of the Jeep and opened the door for me. “Thank you sir” I sarcastically hopped out of the jeep “M'Lady” Stiles pretended to tip a hat. We walked side by side up the side walk and I shuffled to the side so Stiles could unlock the front door. Once we were inside I felt awkward, “I dont know where to start…” I plopped down onto the couch and Stiles sat quietly next to me. “I guess start at the beginning” Stiles shrugged his shoulders. I let out a long heavy sigh “well my father was a bitten werewolf and my mother was a purebred born Lowenmensch- er werelion. My mom was an alpha but she died giving birth to me so I was actually born an alpha. My mother’s sister; who was not a werelion, but a banshee, raised me because my father hated me for killing my mother and wanted to kill me to become an alpha. Anyway Lowenmensch are different we um this is kinda bad, but most Lowenmensch only live on a diet of pineal glands,” I looked over at Stiles to see his reaction but he had a neutral expression “its a part of the brain Stiles..“ I searched his face for disgust but there was none. “I’ve heard of worse Y/N” Stiles slowly reached over and took my hand in his and began running his thumb over my knuckles. “Don’t worry about what I think it doesn’t matter” Stiles attempted to comfort me “ Stiles what you think means the world to me ….” I couldnt look at him so I looked at the floor memorizing the pattern of the wood. “But why?” Stiles sounded concerned “it’s a part if my story if you want me to continue…” I looked up at Stiles and he raised his eyebrows and nodded his head for me to continue “I lived with my Aunt until she passed away when I was 20 years old, she died from a mysterious disease at the time but now I know it was a vitamin c diffidence. Anyway she wanted me to have her pineal gland be my first and it was, after eating it my senses were heightened, my roar was more powerful, and my eyes glowed purple and I came to learn that I could heal the sick and wounded. After she was gone for a few weeks my father came looking for me. When he found me his intentions were clear, he was going to kill me. He never even laid a finger on me my roar scared him into submission, and I never saw him again. I stopped ageing at about 18 so when I turned 50 and still looked like a teenager I knew I had to leave my village before they lit the torches” Stiles laughed and let go of my hand and relaxed into the couch “I left Scotland and traveled to Europe, my first stop was to help the tribes build Stonehenge. Then I made my way to Rome, I fought in the Colosseum and became an undefeated champion. They moved me to Greece to fight their gladiators and beasts. Thats where I met Plato and Aristotle and started studying to be a philosopher. Eventually I had to leave Greece because of the apples.” Stiles looked confused “apples?” He lifted an eyebrow at me and I laughed a little “at the time to throw an apple at a woman was a propose of marriage, I was young and beautiful then so I was constantly bombarded with apples” Stiles looked like he wanted to say something, he opened and closed his mouth a few times searching for words “you still are young and beautiful” Stiles mashed his lips together and looked at the ground “thank you Stiles” I leaned over so my face was under his as he looked at the floor a huge smirk plastered on my face. He thought I was beautiful. “No problem” Stiles smiled crookedly. “After Greece was the renaissance so that was horrible, I spent weeks painting with artists all over Europe specifically I was an assistant to Michelangelo painting the Cappella Magna - er Sistine Chapel. I was the one who would bring him meals and more paint and other disgusting things I don’t want to talk about.” I shuddered and Stiles gave me a look “Chamber pots” and that’s all I had to say for his eyebrows to shoot up. “Anyway I moved around a lot, I never really connected with anyone until my first visit to Beacon Hills. There was a Phoenix here at one time, phoenix are evil creatures they set anything the touch on fire they look pretty much like burnt crispy zombies, I murdered one of the last ones in front of a little boy it was going to kill, after the phoenix died I took its pineal gland. Since then I’ve had a problem with my temper and my animal transformed into a tiger, and I have an affinity for fire.” Stiles hand had settled on my clothed thigh. “You saved someone? From the phoenix?” I felt a sadness weigh on my heart “I only wish I had been there sooner to stop others from loosing their lives, I only saved one boy” Stiles stood up “One boy can make all the difference that one boy could have grown up to do amazing things” you thought about Elias …. Elias wow I am so stupid Elias was the man from your squad in Vietnam “Elias Stilinski” the name left your lips the same time the front door opened. “Hey dad how was work” Noah entered the house “Boring but I’m not complaining” I stood suddenly startling both of them “Noah, … were you named after anything?” The wheels kept turning in my head pieces clicking into place “My father named me Noah after his sergeant that lead him through Vietnam untouched He said he was the most noble and selfless man he had ever met and hoped I would be like him his name was Noah..” “O'Mally” both boys looked at you “the men always called me Ma'am” both boys faces were shocked and their jaws fell slack “Elias. How is Elias I know he’s not dead” I looked at Noah hopeful “He’s.. He’s… growing old effects everyone different” I nodded my head slowly a tear escaped and rolled down my cheek and I wiped it away and sniffled. “He is a good man I ran into him a few times in life, Stiles he was the boy I saved from the phoenix.” Stiles looked at his dad and his dad stared at Stiles. “My father named me after You?” I laughed really hard so hard I crumpled to the floor clutching my gut. I heard Stiles snicker and I looked up to Noah with a grin plastered on his face. 

 I made spaghetti for supper the whole time I was cooking Stiles and I talked I told him all about little Derek and Vietnam with his grandfather how I left the Hales and came back and they were gone and what I had done after to cope then I got to the part with Lydia “Stiles something happened to me that night,” I let out a heavy sigh “have you ever heard of an imprint” I stirred the noodles “You mean like a baby duckling when it hatches?” I giggled “well sort of, a werewolf imprint works differently, it’s kinda like you’ve found your soul mate you would do anything for them you would die for them, it’s an extreme kind of love.” I looked at Stiles he was looking down lost in thought his bottom lip trapped between his teeth with his eyebrows mashed together. “It’s very rare and only happens every thousands of years… It’s happened to me… I- I imprinted … on you.”

[tumblunni]

Also: hated the ending. Hated it.

Right from the start i was like "yeah its gonna lull you into a fals sense of security and then be Oo Spooky Its Chara or some other twist". And then waiting sooooo long to do it didnt make me expect it less it just made me madder that all this great heartwarming stuff was gonna be ruined soon and i couldnt even fully appreciate it cos of the looming spectre of the Obvious Fuckin Ending That Everyone Predicted. I was really hoping the twist would just be no fucking twist, that would have been more surprising!

Also i hate the way it went down cos it was just 100% the OooOOOooo chara isnt REALLY just an ordinary kid who maybe had an abusive background and made the wrong choices out of love for their new adopted family and lack of belief that their life was worth living. No oooooOOOO demon and Knives and fuckin The Only Irredeemable Person whose entore fuckin motivation is just Was Born Evil. Icve talked before how i lost interest in kingdom hearts ENTIRELY because of xehanort and how un-compelling these kinds of villains are, especially when they take the spotlight off of actual compelling complex villains in the same series.

Also seriously like WHY did it have to be the most boring cliche veersion of this obvious ending? Just ooo and they woke up and was demon AGAIN. And oooo 100% good game that stood on its own merits as somethibg actually wholeseome but at literally the last second lets ruin it. Im so mad it was EXACTLY like i predicted from the start and not even one bit of surprise! I made like fifty better predictions about where the Sudden Dark Twist could hapoen earlier in the plot and i almost wish those happened?? Like we wouldnt have had the fake happy ending, we would have just had a more actually sense-making less tacked on bad ending that works as a regular sequel hook rather than losing its impact from being after 45 MINUTES OR MORE of walking around TWO WHOLE WORLDS talking to all your friends and having the happy ending rubbed in. Toby, sorry, it was still fuckin obvious u were gonna go "no it chara". Seriously man its like a trope of all the worst fanfictions! Seeing people's morally complex chara reinterpretations helped soothe my salt over all those shitty fics and i totally forgot it wasnt canon. *sigh*

Only credit i can give is that at least the way it was animatrd was surprising? Like in the most basic sense. Knew it was gonna be OOO CHARA but i expected the same cliche demon face rather than incredibly well animated ripping their own soul out. Which of course was followed by the same cliche demon face, sigh!

Also i guess it was interesting to find out that the bird cage was secret foreshadowing all along? I went "ohhh wow that makes so much sense" and then was dissappointed that this cool twist just led to the predictable twist. Ha ha you were never good at all, it was just player taking control of chara and making them good i guess? Or a frisk and chara swap au? I suppose it could be an interesting dynamic to be playing as a good influence restraining a bad person, that could be a good way to keep the gameplay mechanic of it beibg hard to be pacifist even though now Susie isnt the bad guy anymore. But still man what a boring chara! Like now either theyre a boring motiveless 100% evil ominous demon thing with no motivation whatsoever, or at best theyre an asshole who might get redeemed via your influence i guess, which would just be a repeat of Susie's plot but worse.

Also i guess this at least kinda explains why the game had your choices not make any difference? Its really annoying cos you dont even find out unless you try and replay and be evil! No mercy run just isnt possible, enemies now run away if you attack them too much and SUSIE'S ATTACK IS NERFED TO NEVER KILL IF YOU'VE EVER TRIED TO KILL BEFORE. Like seriously its only hard to be pacifist IF you tried to be pacifist! The gameplay rebalances to force you into it if you tried otherwise. And the plot just plays out identically with Ralsei trying to make susie be good and then she leaves and joins lancer and yadda yadda.

Also relatedly, there is no way to pacifist OR no mercy the final boss! First time i played i was like "fuck this, no, i am not even trying to reason with Creepy Bondage Costume Abuse Dad" and just went all out attacking him as if every punch was landing in the face of my own shit father. And the game just stops you before you can kill him and then Ralsei accidentally heals him and then etc etc. I had all the best equipment i could find and i was hitting with everything id got and i just straight up think he has infinate hp and can only fall down after a certain amount of turns have passed. I went back and played it again and actually tried the pacifist options i never touched and it turns out they all just fail but give you various boosts to make the fight easier. WISH I KNEW THAT BEFORE! so yeah you cant spare him OR kill him and there's no alternate endings unless i missed some really obscure way to get them??

But EHHH what i mean is i guess it kinda makes sense? Like "oh the game is linear to represent how something something chara is really evil but cant be evil cos youre stopping them". But then why remove the choice to change stuff by actually choosing pacifist at the end, too?

Also what is even up with all the AU stuff? That added nothing except making me subtly creeped out at the sudden reveal of undyne NOT LOVING ALPHYS and bratty and catty NOT BEING BESTIES and then being incredibly sad once i realized this wasnt actually a happy ending sequel but just an alternate universe where none of the game even happened. Also sobbing so much at the graves of all the amalgamates who never became amalgamates and never got to see their families again :( also goddamn asgore is dying of mortgage debt but tries to hug it all away, and New Friend Girl's dad is dying of probably literal cancer and seriously why did they introduce a new character at the last second just to make me sad??? This is a compliment and not a complaint like the rest. I love Rudy and i wish i had a good dad like him. Can we kill lancer's literally-my-dad dad and fuel rudy's chemotherapy with his blood? Seriously this game actually made me WANT TO pick te evil options cos the stupid chara twist pissed me off so much...

ALSO ALSO why didnt they put any of that heartwarming town friends stuff and mysteriousness of AU hints at the beginning? Like my biggest complaint early on was that this had nothing to do with undertale and would have been vastly better as its own standalone game. Like im complaining so much here and its entirely about ten minutes at the start and end! The EVERYTHING in the dark world was SO GOOD and i loved this new place and these new characters and the AMAZING character developmebt of susie and lancer and the fuckin wish fullfillment of stabbing my abuse dad in his creepy tentacle dick with All Of The Swords I Could Find. And my only complaints involved the connections to undertale making it worse! Ralsei was great on his own merits and now he's just an asriel clone mystery with a way less endearing design somehow DESPITE BEING THE DESIGN WE ALL LOVED BEFORE. no, BECAUSE of that! And the whole time my view of things was tainted cos i was impatient to learn what on earth connected all of this to undertale. And i was making wild theories about characters being past or future or au versions of sans and "gaster's gotta appear at some point right" and just generally being distracted from a great standalone story that SHOULD have been standalone. Seriously it just left me hopeless thinking all the shit i did meant nothing cos first the "it was all a dream" fakeout and then the "but u was actually evil chara" ending. Sighhhh...

So yeah thats my verdict. Better if it wasnt undertale. All the flaws were trying to link it to undertale. It was a goddamn full and complete game and now its reduced to just a demo for something else that i have NO interest in. Seriously as soon as the oo demon face knife came out i was like "yeah no". Im more interested in learning more about playing cards world and seeing Lancer fix all the shit his horrible dad did, and get the love and support he needs from Lesser Dad.

ALSO, THAT!

why did they introduce Rouxld so late in the game? He's got such a neat design with an amazingly stylized face and he's an incompetant failure villain who's really just a glam fabulous guy and maybe the only dude who cared about Lancer a little bit. And he just appears in the very final dungeon with very little foreshadowing, doesnt even get any boss fight, and never even gets seen onscreen with lancer interacting at all. Big shame! Also i totally thought Rouxls Kaard was the name of the king the entire time and i guess no he's literally named King because chess. But now im sad cos the king being a legit good person and lancer trying to stop you because he was scared you'd hurt his actual loving dad would have kinda been better? Like that would be a great place to put the expected dark twist! Like you get to the end and you find out he's not evil and oh maybe you can pacifist it out, but then suddenly you cant control your character and they kill him anyway, scary sad end sequel hook. And like a scary sad end sequel hook that would have thematically fit with the contained narrative of the darkworld story? Like its "you are the chosen hero and this is how your story goes", being brought back to taunt you in a resonant echo. And if it just ended there it leaves you wondering what happens next rather than like.. Being a goddamn full game that is completely done and had a great happy ending and now we negate it all just to have a sequel hook. Words cannot express how much i do not care about spooky demon chara doing generic creepypasta shit in au undertale. Words cannot express how much i REALLY CARE about all the new characters and just wanna focus on them instead! Seriously im only mad cos this kind of twist ending makes it feel like they were all pointless and only served to set us up for that? And that maybe they wont have as much focus in the 'next chapter' :( and maybe i'll NEVER GET TO SEE RALSEI'S CUTE SPIDER FACE AGAIN BECAUSE IT WAS ALL SHADOW LIES :( how dare you make me appreciate this boy even 1% less, toby

So uhh yeah thats my entire complaints and im rambling it mostly cos i had a shitty day yesterday of Dad Abuse Things and thats wjy the self contained story bit RESONATED SO UTTERLY and then the twist ending just felt like it negated all the cheering up that everything else did. So yeah im probably being overly emotional and i'll be able to calm down and look at this later with a kinder light, i guess? But for now im just full-on Team No Undertale. Because i love undertale. Because undertale was great and this game captured the same emotional resonance as my first playthrough of undertale while being fresh and new and wondetful anf then the ending was like if the original undertale began with like.. An episode of buffy the vampire slayer, and ended with "ha everythibg is pointless and Angelus killed snans and peppyroo, The End". No matter what you put in that position of Badly Handled Non Sequel AU Weirdnrss and Sudden Cliche Demon End, itd be bad. All this is doing is making me dislike undertale for making a game less undertale by making it more undertale. And my brain already hurt from the Literally My Dad In A Weird Gimp Suit boss fight, so can we just not.

Okay i havent slept since the Dad Incident yesterday so i really need to lie down. It was probably mega dumb of me to play deltarune to try and cheer up, sigh. And it sucls cos it worked SO WELL until it didnt :(

I'll go happy rant aboyt the good stuff later and it will probably be INFINATELY lLONGER, so pleease dont take this as a hatepost or anything. Its more of "i was loving it so much and it had no flaws until it had like three minor ones, but since they were all in succession at the ending it kinda ruined my mood more than it should have. Also, yknow, the dad thing. And the no sleep. I should get some sleep."

So i sleep.

In summary: Rouxld plz be my new dad.

Okay the time limit is up so i must say the most important thing

Why the FUCK

IS HE NOT

A SPIDER!!!

I really groaned at the reveal of Ralsei being ome of toriel and asgore’s species/maybe even a past or future asriel or something. Cos like really, what does that even add except ruining an interesting unique character design? And raising so many questions as to why the fuck his mouth looked like cutely animated insect mandibles just because a slight shadow fell on them. Also seriously how does that shadow even work? Youd think you would at least be able to see the bottom of his shoulder length hair, like seriously! I just thought he was a cute fluffy spider boy!!! I gave the game points for cuteifying an underappreciated friend species. Still good but now also not that :(

[shapeshifting-arch-mage]

9/23/2018, Part 1

We are now running through the forest, huffing and puffing, trying to catch up to Baku.

"Temmie... why are we-"

"i gota get to Baku! i gota get to Baku!"

"But wh-"

"i gota tell him wy i havent ben goin to hapy fun raevtime!1!"

Against my wishes, we continue to run toward the oasis.

[Baku] After leaving the haunted house Baku found himself wandering toward the oasis, he had heard about this place in the past and wanted to check it out himself. It was much warmer here and quiet. "Well that was an adventure."

[Sirius] Sirius would soon pop out of the ground, attempting to shake off the frost on his petals. “Yeah...” He would start thinking about what just happened, and spaced out due to it, deep thoughts. Why didn’t he get fear? He has seen far worse though, mostly monsters beating each other, yet he felt no fear from that either, and only recently he figured out he could dislike or like something... was that technically fear? Over the fact he disliked so much of his home and the haunted house? Right, Baku mentioned not being able to feel much either, should he open up? Hell if he knew, something told him that he shouldn’t, but he didn’t honestly care either way, maybe he should... but not right now he’s in hecking space-

[Baku] Baku chuckled. "Yer a serious space case ya know, what's on yer mind anyway?"

[Rave Witch Temmie] pant... pant... pant... We just make it to the oasis before our legs give out and we collapse. We lay face-down on the ground, panting hard.

[Sirius] Upon hearing Baku’s voice, he fell out of space and looked at them, deciding to tell them the truth, as he felt that would be something he would do. “Oh... uh... I happen to not feel much either... I mostly think on why I don’t feel anything.. other than likes and dislikes...” He wasn’t sure if the other would believe him, but it was possible, all the other Floweys he met could feel some things, but him? No he wasn’t like them...

[Rave Witch Temmie] pant... pant... pant... We weakly lift our head and pick up our hat, which fell off when we landed on the ground.

[Baku] Baku chuckled. "Yer different than most o' yer kind aren't ya?" At that Baku sat down next to the flower and grinned. "Fer my kind not having emotions is normal, we're born wit out 'em."

[Rave Witch Temmie] "...huh??" Temmie is curious. We prop ourself up on our belly and listen in on the conversation.

[Sirius] “Yeah... I’m pretty different... I heard the others don’t feel love and compassion...” He would blink, looking at Baku again. “So you’re pretending too?” Now he has found a lead, maybe his condition has something to do with this skeleton... and their kind... although he didn’t know what Baku meant by... their kind... was there another type of skeleton? He thinks, trying to prevent himself from spacing out, but doing that was difficult for him, he had nothing else to focus on after all.

[Baku] Baku laughed. "Yes, in a sense. I mean we can learn emotions by watchin' others or learnin' about 'em as we go through life. Then again most o' us aren't liked much so few o' us live long."

[Rave Witch Temmie] "b-but i liek u!1!"

"Temmie!" I think, "Don't interrupt! They're having a private conversa-"

"i liek yu a lot!1!! ur my fav dj!!1!"

[Sirius] Sirius was about to say something, but then he heard Temmie speak up, he would look over, possibly staring into their soul on accident, then he spoke up. “Lucky... I have watched others too, and I still feel nothing.” He would just continue the conversation as normal, because he couldn’t care less about Temmie being there. More like he didn’t mind, it was only one other person... not like a lot of people were listening in.

[Baku] Baku looked over when he heard the familiar voice of Temmie and chuckled. "Appreciate dat chica, but others don't share yer opinion." With that said he turned his attention back to the flower. "I ain't lucky, I still don't fully understand emotions myself but in all honesty I don't really wanna, they seem like more o' a hassle than an asset if ya ask me."

[Rave Witch Temmie] Others don't share her opinion? The heck's he talking about? At least, that's what Temmie's thinking. I know exactly what he means by that, but all Temmie can do is cry out in confusion, "w-w-w-waaaaa???"

We try to stand up, but just end up falling back on our belly again. "oof!"

We pant a few more times, and then say, "wh-wh-who dont like u?? wy som1 dont like u?? ur da best dj!1!" Wait, I can answer that question for her. In our minds, I replay the memory of my first meeting with Baku...

"...oh ya, her..." She still doesn't understand what there is not to like about Baku, though. "but wy peeps dun like u??"

[Sirius] “Feeling nothing isn’t the best way to go... that’s how I feel anyway, you can’t make friends all that well, and the people you should care about the most... they end up leaving you at some point, or constantly worry over you until you end up pretending that you care, it’s... so empty.  I dislike it.” Sirius would look at the water, sighing. “It’s like... hell? I guess...? It’s... hard to explain...”

[Baku] "I disagree, I've seen what havin' emotions can do ta a person an' I hate it." At that his aura seemed to darken a little. "Emotions only hurt ya in the long run so they're funking pointless, at least without 'em I can live freely doin' my own thing, never havin' ta hurt because someone else decided I wasn't worth their time."

[Rave Witch Temmie] We finally manage to pick ourselves up from the ground. We start to waddle closer to Baku...

"Baku, wat u talkin about? wat u mean u dont liek feelins??"

"Temmie, please, don't..."

"i liek feelins! dey feel gud! u make me feel gud! u da best! an-" I finally manage to take control of our mouth for a second and get my own words in.

"nnnnNNNO!1! hes NOT da best!1!! hes NOT nice!!1"

"...awawawa?? hooman?!? i tot u likd him to!!1"

[Sirius] “...there’s a contradiction in that second sentence. When you cant feel emotions, there is no happiness, there’s nothing, I know that first hand, having been there as an Asriel, watching my family, they looked so happy, and I was never happy with them. It... makes you not want to live, I don’t even know why I’m still here. Because it’s pointless. I tried so hard to feel something, anything, and all I have found is that I can like, dislike, and want something. That’s it.” The more Sirius talked, the more dead he sounded, his eyes were empty voids, he was surely showing a point. “Even if feeling something can hurt others, it’s worse feeling absolutely nothing. Because you can’t care about the people you want to care about, you can’t ever be happy.” God this got dark fast.

[Rave Witch Temmie] "i didnt say i didnt like him! i sed hes not nice!"

"but he gav me pretty glow necklas!1!"

"yea, but just cuz hes nice to you doesnt mean hes nice to every1!"

"wy not?"

"cuz hes bad at it!"

"wat yu mean?"

"hes just nice to you cuz you... you..."

...How do I put this without hurting her feelings? I want to tell her that, the reason Baku was nice to her was because she's such a kiss-up, but that wouldn't be a nice thing to say... and the last thing I want to do is sound like a jerk to Temmie. I'm not a jerk, rather, the one we're talking about is the jerk...

[Baku] Baku chuckled darkly. "That is where our opinions differ my man. I live freely an' do what I want, there's no void in my life, just fun." At that he grinned and looked to the sky. "I get ta party an' have a blast without a care in the world."

[Rave Witch Temmie] I decide to just drop the issue. Hearing Baku mention partying reminds Temmie of why she wanted to follow him here in the first place. We walk over to Baku's side. "hey Baku, uhhhh..."

[Sirius] “Well... you can feel joy... it seems. So you only want to feel joy? Happiness? That’s different compared to nothing...” Sirius wouldn’t press more on the issue after this, in fact, he didn’t want to for once. Ooooh another lead! Back into space he goes.

[Baku] "Eh maybe, don't really know don't really care, I like things as they are." At that Baku laid down on the ground, watching the sky. "I live my life as a DJ an' I'm fine wit dat."

[Rave Witch Temmie] "Temmie, I think he's busy-" 

"hey Baku, uhhh... im sorry i couldnt go to ur raves, cuz ive been livin wit hooman, and she doesnt kno were ur raves are, so we couldnt go..."

We press our paws together anxiously. "ive been wantin to go but i couldnt cuz of hooman... im sorry..."

[Sirius] Sirius would stay silent, now he listens in, he didn’t know what else to say on this matter, other than an “ok” or “mhm” god conversation is hard.

[Baku] Baku grinned at the Temmie. "Hey no worries chica, ya don't have ta show up at every single one, just try to make it ta the ones ya can."

[Rave Witch Temmie] "i-i wannaaaaa..." We frown. "but human is- mmmmf!" There I go slapping our paw over our mouth again. But this time, Temmie manages to remove it and continue speaking.

"i wana take human to ur rave!1! i told her shes gota go somtime!1 its da best rave evr!11 but shes scar-mmf!" And back over our mouth the paw goes...

...but only for a second. "hooman, wy yu keep doin dat?"

[Baku] Baku smirked. "I know exactly why she's doin' it, she doesn't want me ta find out who she is even though I already know exactly who she is, ain't dat right Cookie."

[Rave Witch Temmie] Upon hearing that last word...

...

...We freeze.

All we- or I- can do, is s t a r e, wide-eyed, mouth agape, like we've just seen a ghost. But, if I'm being honest, seeing a ghost wouldn't have been nearly as scary as what I just heard Baku say right now.

H o w d i d h e f i n d o u t ? ?

[Baku] Baku laughed. "Did ya really think I wouldn't notice, actions speak louder than words ya know. The constant stopping of Temmie every time it was even remotely possible she could give ya away was a red flag sweetheart, I'm no fool."

[Rave Witch Temmie] "h-h-hooman...???" Temmie thinks, my fear rubbing off onto her, "h-how does Baku no about... cookys??"

"THAT'S WHAT I'D LIKE TO- wait, cookies??"

"ya, cooky poshin!1! remembr?? were gona make cooky poshin!1!"

...The cookie potion. That's right... I had completely forgotten about that. Temmie must have mistakenly thought that Baku was referring to the magic cookie potion we still haven't made, and not to... well, me...

...Which gives me an idea. In a last-ditch effort to save face, we ask,

"...w-w-w-what cookies?? i dont got any cookies..."

[Baku] Baku grinned. "Really you're gonna try an' pull dat shiz wit me, what part o' I'm no fool do ya not get hm? I know it's you sweetheart stop tryin' ta hide."

[Rave Witch Temmie] "i dont got no cookys1!1"

At this point, this is kind of both of us saying this. I never actually told Temmie that I call myself Cookie, since I never felt the need to (and also to prevent her from spilling the beans to Baku about it). So, she still doesn't realize that Baku is talking about me, and not the magic potion we've been wanting to make. I, meanwhile, am just denying that I'm Cookie. Because I never told Baku that I call myself that. And yet he still found out.

[Baku] "Eh whatever suit yourself sweetheart, but trust me yer not very good at hidin'." At that Baku stood up and stretched. He then turned to the flower who was sitting there spacing out once more. "Well anyway I'm gonna go walk around, follow if ya want my petaled bro but otherwise I'm ditchin' this place." At that he turned to leave the oasis.

[Rave Witch Temmie] Normally, Temmie would have wasted no time following Baku wherever he was headed, but right now, we are in too much shock to do anything but stand there, like a deer in the headlights.

"hooman... howd Baku no about cookys??"

"He wasn't talking about cookies, Temmie. He was talking about me."

"waaa?? but ur not a cooky!1! ur a hooman!1!"

"Yes, I am. But... I like to call myself... Cookie..."

[Sirius] Sirius would have followed Baku, only because he wanted to leave as well, this was odd, not like he knew how this skeleton was... it was more like he was interested in how he worked, how he was able to be happy despite being born without them, that interested him the most, how was that possible?

[Rave Witch Temmie] "Soft Cookie. I call myself Soft Cookie. It's not my real name; it's actually the name of one of my shape-shifted forms... but I like the name. It has a nice ring to it. But how in the world... how did Baku find that out?!? I never told him... I made certain not to ever tell him. So how he found out... it makes absolutely no sense that he found out! Unless..."

"...ya?"

"...Someone else told him..."

Continuing to stand out here in the forest isn't going to do us any good, though. We should probably head back to the resort. We begin to make our way out of the forest.

...Slowly.

We walk through the forest, and back to the resort; our looming sense of dread never leaving us.