#im sorry again for not having a clearer answer

[allylikethecat]

🧡

Thank you so much for sending me this ask and for playing the Get to Know Me! Ask game with me!! If anyone else wants to reblog the list themselves OR send me anything off of it (which would be super cool) the list can be found HERE.

🧡 what is your sexuality?

LOL this seems to be a popular one - apparently my sexuality is a big question (also if you figure it out I guess let me know?) As I said in the other ask I don't really have define / label myself and mostly just go with vibes 🤷🏻‍♀️ other people don't always like that answer but it works for me and ever since I stopped trying to label myself and fit into a box I've been a lot happier 😊 I know labels are a super important to a lot of people however, I always felt super restricted by them so for me personally I'm happier as undefined / here for the vibes / a good time

Thank you so much for sending me this ask!! I apologize if it wasn't the answer you were looking for. I hope you are having a wonderful Monday and a fantastic rest of your week!

❤️Ally

[octoberautumnbox]

I Got All I Need

Le Sserafim Kim Chaewon (ft. Soloist Jo Yuri & Male Reader)

Categories/warnings: smut, phone sex, masturbation, voyeurism i think, anal, abuse, rough sex, like really really rough sex (kinda)

Word count: 1.6k

a/n: wrote on a whim lol no proofread no beta im sorry anways--

Chaewon lay bored in her bed, having exhausted her SNS feeds and Watch Later playlist. Her members sent all manner of pictures with their families and other friends in the groupchat, and honestly, genuinely, Chaewon was happy for them! And just a teeny bit envious, that's all, cross her heart and hope to die.

Her phone read 6:06 pm, and on her first long weekend off in the year, she had nothing to do. She was getting desperate for some fun. She opened her contacts app and punched in a random number.

"Ah, sorry, Chaewon-ssi," the voice on the other end of the line admitted, "Yena won't be back in Korea until next Friday. I'll let her know you called."

"Hi, this is Eunbi! I can't come to the phone right now. Please leave me a message and I'll get back to you in a jiffy!" Of course she uses an answering machine, Chaewon thought.

"Hi, Unnie!" Chaewon was overjoyed! "Hey Minmin, I was just curious if you were down to eat--" The sound of a bell rang loud in the other side of the phone call. "Oops, I'm really really sorry Unnie. Gotta get back now. Long night ahead of us, they're even killing my character again today! See you soon!"

Looking to her closet, Chaewon's mind was half-set to just put on a warm coat and go out alone. That's a thing people do nowadays, right? Go out and eat by themselves?

Sighing, she went for one last-ditch effort. She knows she won't pick up. She knows that even if she does, she wouldn't want to come out. She knows that if she wants to come out, it'll be shabu-shabu and sitting around by the Han River. "Oh well," Chaewon resigned, "At least I won't be alone."

She scrolled down her contacts and found her name. Tap, tap, tap, and the ringing started. One ring, two, three, and four. Chaewon expected this, so much so that she's not even disappointed.

"H-hello?" Chaewon fought back a gasp! "Hey, hi Yuri! I was going to go out for a bite--"

"Ah, fuck..." Silence filled the phone line for a good few seconds before Yuri's end broke it again. "Shit, th-that's really good."

"Yuri?" "Ffffuck yes, just like that..." Disbelief filled Chaewon's mind. "Sorry," Yuri struggled to whisper, "wh-who is this?"

"It's... It's Chaewo-" "Fuck! Shit, shit, shit, please..."

Chaewon had half a mind to just drop the call then and there, and she should, right? This is one of her best friends in the world. Busy, as they say, with something important.

"Unnie, I'm so sorry, I just have the thickest cock ripping my asshole apart right now, ahhh, oh fuck, OH FUCK!"

Although, as much as Chaewon wants to deny it, dropping the call was out of the question now. She had to know just what exactly was going on.

"Are you okay, Yuri? Do... you need me to call someone?"

"Haahhhhh... Ahh, AHHHH!" Yuri's scream ripped through the phone line, and Chaewon couldn't keep her own free hand from straying anymore.

"Unnie, I... I need y-you... to keep a... a secret," It was hard for Chaewon to decipher what her friend was saying, between every moan and grunt littered across her speech. She couldn't resist, though, that she was paying more attention to them than whatever words could be spilling out of Yuri's mouth.

"I'm... with my... with my boyfriend. He's p-pounding my ass right now..." Chaewon was groping her own ass at that moment, and she could feel herself getting moist.

She heard whispering at the other end. Yuri's voice rang clearer, even if a bit shakier. "He says... if I end the call... he'll tie me up and, and leave me," Yuri's breaths are heavy and laced with exhaustion, "un-until morning. So I'm sorry, but I can't... Mmmmff..."

Chaewon couldn't believe she was getting hot to the sound of her friend getting fucked hard. There was no way pure, sweet, innocent Yuri was like this, right? Absolutely impossible.

And yet, she found her own hand slipping under her panties. She felt her smooth pussy lips, how they were slick against her fingers, and how her insides were starting to burn up.

"Unnie... he's making me tell you..." Chaewon was all ears now, desperate for more.

"I have six inches of cock up my ass... and three ffffingers... in my soaking cunt." Three wouldn't fit, Chaewon thought, so she settled for two inside herself. Her pussy lips parted for them, and Chaewon let out a tiny "mmmh."

"He... he's rubbing my clit, and... AHHH--" Chaewon was palming her own clit as her fingers shoved themselves slowly in and out of her pussy, letting more of her juices out and onto her panties.

"... and he's s-slapping and pinching it, Unnie..." Frustrated and in heat, Chaewon frantically stripped and kicked away both her shorts and panties; they were ruined anyway. She lay comfortably back onto her bed and spread her legs, in prime position for her own missionary fucking, with regrettably nothing more than her left hand.

"And Unnie..." Her former member's deep and heavy breaths occupied the phone line. "P-please... don't let this... change how you see me... God, please, no..."

Chaewon pumped her fingers in and out of her pussy hard now. Her juices were falling all over her bedsheets, and the scent of her sex reaching her nose only spurred her on.

"Yuri... Tell me."

"He... he creampied me, Unnie..." Suddenly, Chaewon's hips lifted off the bed momentarily as she heard this. Her fingers found a good spot as she returned to the bed, and from then on strove to hit it again and again and again.

"More, Yuri-yah... please..." She couldn't hide it anymore, Chaewon was moaning just as loudly now as her beloved friend.

"Th-three times, Unnie... in my ass..." Chaewon's eyes shut tight as her brain locked onto what was being said. "And... six... I think, in my... my pussy... oh- OH GOD!"

Chaewon started grinding against her palm, forcing more pleasure through her crotch. She humped against the air, lifting and dropping her hips in a needy bid for her sweet release.

"FUCK! Unnie, I can't remember-- Shhhhhit, shitshitshitshit... How- how many times he came in my cunt- AHHHH!"

She could hear it so much better now, how her friend's ass slapped against her boyfriend's waist. Yuri's moans rang louder still, pushing her phone's speaker to its limit.

"Unnie, holy fuck, Unnie... Please... don't..." Yuri collected herself for a moment before starting again. "He... he has my-my nipples in clamps, too... It hurts so good, Chaewon-unnie, shit... everything is so good..."

Chaewon struggled against her top, and managed to get all of it up past her chest and under her neck. Her breasts bounced out from under her bra and relaxed. She pinched and squeezed her left nipple as hard as she could, feeling the nub stiffen against her fingertips.

"And I came, Unnie..." Her fingers returned to pleasuring her now-leaking pussy. Chaewon rubbed around her lips to collect more of her slick, before shoving now three of her fingers inside her.

"I came so... so many times. F-fifteen... before I- ahhh- lost c-count." Chaewon found her pace and rhythm again. She pistoned her fingers into and out of her sex as her moans reached the other end of the line too.

"Fuck, Yuri-yah, that sounds so fucking good... I'm close... I'm so close!"

"He's forcing me t-to tell you, Unnie, ahhhhh..."

Chaewon shut her eyes again, wishing, imagining it was her getting the railing of her life. Only now did she realize how big the wet spot on her bed between her legs was.

"I'm... Unnie, I'm... his slut. I'm his ffffuuuckdoll..."

Chaewon was straining herself now, her arm muscles burning with overexertion. She felt her cunt leak so much of her sex all over her hand. She wildly fingered her g-spot, praying that her climax comes soon.

"I'm his pleasure girl, Unnie," Chaewon heard her friend's voice break with sobs between words and moans. "I'm his slutty, hhhorny, p-personal o-onahole..."

At this point, Chaewon was sobbing too. Why couldn't she have a boyfriend like that? Why can't she be the one getting sexually taken advantage of? She even bet she could make Yuri's boyfriend feel worlds better than Yuri ever could.

"I'm his... I'm his slutty fucking cumdump, Unnie! He fucks me raw and creampies my cunt- AHHHHH- and I love when he fills my womb up so much it leaks out of my abused pussy!"

A scream dragged itself across Chaewon's throat, and she made sure both Yuri and her boyfriend heard. Chaewon's arm burned hotter with overfatigue as she was nearly breaking her own pussy with how hard she was pumping. "Fuck, Yuri! Please! I need to cum!"

"Fuck, Unnie, me too! Shit, Unnie, I have to tell you..."

Tears streamed down Chaewon's cheeks now, her crotch and thighs soaked with her slick. She's already lost control of herself and fully gave in to her body's desires, wailing cries and moans that she couldn't even recognize as her own anymore.

"I'm not safe, Unnie! I'm so fucking f-fertile! He's going to make me pregnant! H-he's put- FUCKING SHIT, PLEASE DADDY- He's putting a fucking baby in my womb!!! AAAHHHHHHH!"

"FFFFUCK, YURI! HOLY FUCK I'M CUMMING SO MUCH!!!"

Chaewon's cum sprayed out of her sore cunt in intense streams. Chaewon forcefully pulled her fingers out as her hips convulsed violently, wringing out every last drop of her climax. She kept squirting for what felt like ages, and with every spurt of her girlcum she grew less and less alert.

Her eyes were heavy, and her ears were failing her. Her hands dropped to the sides, as did her waist onto the mattress as her climax overwhelmingly resolved. She grew less and less aware of her heart beating out of her chest, and, finally, passed out naked on her cum-soaked bed.

a/n: lmao jesus christ anyways this wasn't the incest smut i was talking abt that's still in the works

[luvyeni]

10 DAYS TO FALL IN LOVE — chapter 8. jays party !

word count. 0.8k+ content warning. drug usage, mentions of alcohol, angst, jake is lowkey dumb

You sat in your seat legs folded — jumi in your lap as you typed away at your computer trying to finish the essay. You sighed, stretching as jumi began to meow. “You hungry baby?” you picked her up, sitting her on the floor. “Let’s go get you some food.” You stood up, walking out the room, your cat following behind.

“Here you go girl.” You sat her bowl down, giving her a head pat — your phone began to ring. “Okay baby eat your food.” You made your way back to your room.

You assumed it was heeseung because he was  a supposed to call — and you definitely kept looking at your phone, but you lowkey frown when you realize it was his number. “what do you want sunoo.”

“Now why are you answering the phone like that?” He said before you heard hanni in the back muttering something about it not being the time. “dumbass.” You heard her say much clearer showing that she now had the phone. “we need you to come get us, your car is out the shop right?” Your friend said — you had forgotten all about your car since heeseung started driving you. “yeah.”

“Well then hurry, jungwon was our designated driver, but dumbass went and got himself drunk.” Sunoo shouted over the music. “okay here I come, make sure he’s okay.”

You search for your keys, grabbing your shoes, before making your way to your parking garage to your car to go save your friends.

You knew where jay lived, and the drive wasn’t far so you got there quickly, jumping out of the car to go find them. “yn!” you heard hanni’s voice, you turned and they were running over to you. “we lost him.”

“You what?” you shouted. “we were waiting and he complained about going to the bathroom, so we let him.” The girl explained. “and now he’s somewhere in the house.” you didn’t plan on going into the house, but it looks like you were now. “Im gonna kill him when I find him.”

You all make your way into the house , splitting up to find your friend. Making your way into the kitchen to see if was in there. “yn?” you turned thinking it was jungwon, your face dropping once you saw who it was. “Leave me alone jake.” He looked you up and down at your outfits — you definitely weren’t dressed for a party. “nice sweatpants, your tank top doesn’t match that.”

“Have you seen jungwon?” you asked. “who?” he questioned, you were about to ask him again when you finally saw his eyes — he was high, so there was no way you were getting anything out of him. “nothing move.” You pushed him out the way. “wait , he's over there.” He pointed. “That’s where I seen him with her.”

Thinking he was talking about jungwon you follow his instructions, making your way through the crowd. “jungwon.” You called out — someone bumping into you. “im sorry– yn?” you recognized the voice immediately. “heeseung?”

There he stood, a girl sitting next to him — he immediately dropped her hand. “what are you doing here.” He asked, you looked in between them, and you weren’t stupid. “I could ask the same about you, when jake told me he was over here i thought he was talking about jungwon.” You said. "Jake told you where i was?" he stared at you about to open his mouth when you finally noticed how he was acting and he could barely stand up.

“You’re high.” You scoffed. “aren’t you?” he didn’t say anything. “right, goodbye heeseung.” You went to turn away but he grabbed your hand. “wait yn.” You snatched your hand away. “let me explain.”

“explain what, that you lied to me, told me you weren’t coming here, told me you weren’t gonna get high, that you weren’t hooking up with other girls, made me fall for this bullshit, that you actually changed.” You felt yourself getting upset. “don’t be so dramatic yn.”

“don’t be dramatic?” You questioned. “fucking asshole.” You scoffed. “yeah it’s not a big deal, you knew how I was.” He said. “yeah but you’d promise to change.” He shrugged. “well, who’s fault is that, that you believed me, did I change back then?”

You didn’t even want to fight, he wasn’t even sober so you’d just get no here. “you’re right , that was my mistake.” You said , just as hanni came over. “we found jungwon.” She asset the situation, frowning. “yn?”

“let’s get jungwon and get out of here.” You grabbed her arm , dragging her away. “yn— I don’t want to talk about it.”

You both found jungwon and sunoo outside , jungwon crouched down groaning. “yn!” he shouted once he saw you. “you’re here!” he drunkenly wrapped his arms around you. “oh?” he grabbed your face. “why do you look so upset?” he slurred. “don’t be upset.” He stumbled. “get in the car.” You ignored what he said, helping hum in the car.

The drive to the boys dorm was silent until sunoo spoke up. “what’s wrong yn?” You gripped the steering wheel. “nothing.” You said, he turned to hanni, who just shook her head and it  continued to stay silent until they made it home.

You dropped hanni off at her dorm who sat in the front seat almost scared to say something. “he’s an asshole.” She said as you pulled up. “yeah.” Was all you said. “fuck him.” She opened the door. “yeah.”

She quickly touched your arm comforting you, getting out the car. “drive safely.” She waved you off, as you drove away.

You felt the tears streaming down your face as you drove back to your dorms, you hated him so much right now, you hated the fact that you allowed him back into your life just to hurt you again.

You hated that this time you actually fell in love with him.

previous - masterlist - next

— ( TAGLIST: CLOSED )

©️LUVYENI

[l0ves1ckf0ol]

hear me out! nevermore has a musical they produce for the spring. they they so happen to do Chicago, the reader is velma kelly and xavier falls in love with the reader while he is helping with set for the show.

CAUGHT IN THE ACT | xavier thorpe

"you're breaking character, xavier. "

also a bit of a disclaimer i only heard abt the summary and i have no time to watch the whole musical but imma just go with my common knowledge i have for this. SO MOSTLY ITSBJUST THEM AND LESS CHICAGO IM SORRY SHSGS

"damn! only got ensemble, what about you y/n?" enid groans, you smirk at her "i got velma kelly." you say a toothy grin growin on your face. wednesday frowned at the conversation, "remind me again, why are you doing this?" she sighs out to you, almost looking disappointed. "i may be the child of the poltergeist and yes i love to hide but y'know i have to try out stuff once in a while." you reply to her, "also it's because of principal weems. she said that i had to do this or else i won't be sleeping in my own dorm, i set one on fire by accident." you add as enid laughed, "you never try out these things, y/n. why the change of heart? also you could've spent beekeeping with me and ottinger rather than be in that horrific display of singing." wednesday wonders curiously, did she see right through you? "just trying things out, wednesday." you breathed out to her, trying to play it cool looking ahead of her to a specific long haired boy who was busy on his sketchbook.

-

you've never heard of a theatre within the school, but it certainly exists. it's just that it needs cleaning up. you were there for rehearsals, since it was a saturday morning everyone was either in jericho or lazing away in their dorms. principal weems was unsure if you were going to stay put in the school grounds but you stayed behind, truthfully. you suddenly begin to despise being the lead for this musical, the pressure was getting to you and you start to worry if you're going to screw up.

"okay, let's go again, lights-" you announce as you start pacing the stage, "camera- paint?" you notice xavier coming up to the stage with a small bucket of what looked like maroon paint. "sorry for interrupting, please continue." he says politely, walking over to the lousy background of the stage, it had a sickening yellow color to it with loads of crusty paint slipping off the cement. "wouldn't you be at jericho by now?" you ask him as he dipped his wide brush in the paint and started painting from below to above.

"nope, weems asked me this morning to make a good background for the musical, it needs to be barely noticeable because they're using cardboard cutouts as scenes. she said black but for interrupting my coffee hours, i'll go with maroon instead." xavier answered, "could've gone with neon instead to infuriate her more, no?" you offer, wiggling your eyebrows. xavier laughed, "then i'll feel bad." he replies. "you have a soft heart for someone who looks like they ate a piece of lemon." you mentioned to him, he looks at you for the first time he walks in the room with a downturned smile, if that made sense.

"well- don't tell anyone about that. that right there is my biggest secret." he jokes, shaking his head left to right with a scoff. "alright, it'll be our official secret."

- xavier's pov (?) -

xavier never thought of you, or even acknowledged you that much but for some reason, after that conversation at the theatre you were basically unforgettable. he said hi to you in the hallways, everything seemed so monochrome but when you walked in the same room as him? instant color. so whenever he was free, he would do at least something to see you. this had been going on for a good 2 weeks

a week before the final rehearsal, he brought wax because weems tasked him to wax the stage. as he was nearing the door your voice rang clearer and clearer. your beautiful voice. xavier sighs to himself, he was at a loss by now, he tried his best to sneak inside unnoticed but the poltergeist could spot a shadow moving a mile away. so you instantly stopped.

"xavier?"

"oh hey sorry, i came in here to uh... wax the stage." xavier mumbled timidly, finally getting up to his normal height. you frowned, "thought this school was rich enough for maintenance people." you told him, he was trying to find the answers, for a moment he thought you were about to catch him in the act. "or was this only an act of service to suck up to the principal?" he could almost sigh from relief, "um yeah, been failing ms. thornhill's class lately so." xavier lied, he was doing excellently in that subject. a firm "hm." said it all, you probably knew, you just didn't want to spoil the fun. while y/n was singing her lungs off, xavier was sure it had something to do with jazz, he wasn't familiar with the musical. he was pre occupied scrubbing the floors with wax, luckily he wasn't wearing his school uniform since it was after class hours, otherwise those sweet blue slacks were toast. you didn't leave until he finished, you had other plans, xavier was onto you. if you figured him out, xavier was dead to himself and his dignity, i mean he wasn't ashamed with liking you. you were amazing, he just wanted to be sure that he liked you. lies.

-

"you finished. now, walk me to my dorm will you?" you ask him as you picked up your things from one of the leather seats and went outside as he followed. xavier left the wax at the stage, he remembered to return it tomorrow. as you walked the only sounds both of you could hear were your steps against the cobblestone floor, this only happend for 3 minutes. "so uh-"

"do you like me, xavier?" xavier wanted the ground to swallow him up right now. he stops in his footsteps and you turned from your heel, with a raised eyebrow. testing him. for a moment xavier almost breaks but he endured "do i like you is the question, what do you think?" he said, now you were testing each other. "i think you have had a little crush on me, ever since you painted the maroon background at the theatre. i know the maintenance people here, and i know that weems would never leave out an assignment for them, especially since it's this heck of a theatre that has not been used for a decade." you point out to him, with a devious smirk on your face.

xavier tugged at his jacket and approached one step forward toward you, "we both know you're a lazy poltergeist, l/n. why do you have extra rehearsals every after rehearsal- alone in the theatre?" you scoffed at his accusation, placing a hand on his chest, leaning in slightly, this made xavier's stomach do a flip and made his knees weak. "since we both are onto each other, you and i know the answer." you whispered as you lean back with a teasing side smile, xavier sighs out through his nose, his cheeks could match the theatre background, a sign that he gave up. his slim hands went up to your cheeks, his thumb caressing it. his lips were practically brushing against yours now,

"may i kiss you?"

"you're breaking character, xavier." you smiled, pressing your lips on to his, giving him an answer.

[keerahsturn]

I LOVE YOU🏹

-matt sturniolo

pairing- y/n and matt sturniolo

summary- Love is confusing. Especially when you think it’s one sided. She loves everything about him, thinking he loves others. Real love is painful and harsh, but it can also be as calming as a lullaby to a baby.

warnings- angst, mental health problems??

(y/n’s pov)

It’s killing me. Seeing him with other girls that is. He doesn’t know I like him, love him even, he wouldn’t care if he did know.

So, here I am, sat on a couch at a loud crowded party, watching as matt pulls another girl on his lap. They connect their lips and i tear my eyes away, my heart withering and a lump forming in my throat.

I felt sick to my stomach and i stand up swiftly, my legs shaking at the sudden movement.

A fast walk is my pace as i race out of the room, heading upstairs and into an unoccupied room. I search desperately for a window of some sorts and i find a balcony.

I open the balcony door and take a seat on the beanbag that sat in the corner of the platforms surface, sighing and trying to catch my breath, my lungs aching for air.

As i calm down, I feel someone’s presence. I stay looking ahead of me as a tear falls down my rosy cheek, red from the harsh cold air.

“Y/n? Hey. Come on now, whats up?”

It’s Matt.

I shake my head, not wanting to speak. Even if I had wanted to speak, my voice would have came out thick and cracking.

My breath hitches as i feel him touch my shoulder, and I see his face come into my view.

He had knelt down infront of me and held my shoulder to make sure i wasn’t going to look away.

“Dont cry sweetheart, you’re too pretty to cry” he says in a whisper, wiping my damp cheeks and tucking my hair behind my ears.

I look into his eyes and sniffle, my nose red and my eyes full of water.

“Hey Matt” i say, giving him a lighthearted smile. “Look-… I don’t want you to waste your time on me okay? Just go and have fun”

He shakes his head and pulls me into a hug, kissing the top of my head.

“I wouldn’t be wasting my time on you if I tried! You’re my best friend y/n” he says. I know that it was supposed to make me feel better but it made me feel even more shitty.

“I don’t wanna be your friend matt.” I whisper, avoiding eye contact.

He drops his hand from my face and looks at me in confusion, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes showing some shock

“What?” Matt asked, seeing my eyes avoiding his gaze.

“You know Matt… don’t play stupid, please?” I insist, standing up and leaning on the rail of the balcony.

He stays frozen in his place, but I can tell everything started to fall into place, he realises my feelings.

“Y/n-… no. Surely not, right? You dont like me” he laughs like it’s a joke, shaking his head again and pulling me to look at him

“Im sorry” i whisper, knowing that no answer i give him will suffice

He looks at me, an unrecognised emotion in his eyes, and scoffs

“Wow. Are you fucking serious? You couldn’t tell me? Y/n, we’ve been friends for years!” He says, his voice gradually getting louder

“I don’t want to be fucking friends matt! Dont you get that? I have tried to hint and hint to you, give you that little bit of information about what I’m actually feeling. You just shut me down!” I snap, frustration filling my veins.

He ignored the signs I gave him and now he’s angry at me for him not noticing?

“Well if you would have made them clearer then you would have known!” He screams back at me

“Known what?”

“Im in love with you!” He admits, coming close to me and catching his breath

When i don’t answer, he pulls me into a kiss. Love, sadness, joy, anxiety, all emotions that he feels, he puts it into this kiss.

When we pull away, we’re breathing heavier then we were after the screaming competition. I sigh and rest my forehead against his.

“I love you” is all my reply is, looking at him through my lashes

_

(Keerah speaks!)

This is so shit and short, don’t judge me.

I just wanted my first real post to be over and done with! Please leave suggestions on how to make things better and what you want me to do next🎀

[deuvdas]

Wounds of Duty and Hearts of Healing.

(Azad Rathore x OC)

Chapter 1

---------

Azad's POV

Am I still here?

Why can't I move?.. 

What's going on?..

"Ma'am! I think he is starting to get conscious!"

A voice shouted. Isn't that.. Eeram's voice? Are the others there too?

"Calm down.. and keep an eye on him." Another voice.. Whose is it..?

All I can recall were gunshots. Bullets piercing through me.. as well as the girls surrounding me. Then everything faded within seconds.

I carefully opened my eyes. My sight was blurred. I still couldn't move properly.

"Is he recovering?.. The past few days he wasn't too responsive or is this the same situation again?"  I heard Eeram speak. Even though my hearing wasn't as clear as it was, I noticed her tone was concerned.

"Im sure he is recovering.. Im sure."

I couldn't move a muscle. I just lay there trying to comprehend this situation.

"Eeram, what's his name?.. Im sorry, I forgot."

 She doesn't even know my name. So, she couldn't be someone I've met.

"Azad. Azad Rathore, Ma'am." 

I can hear the woman beside me sigh. Her face.. It's blurred. 

"Mr. Rathore.. can you hear me?"

I tried to speak. My mouth was moving but not a single sound could come out. I decided to answer with a nod instead.

"He has trouble speaking.. alright. Can you see me?"

I couldn't respond to that question. My sight was blurry, I tried to tell her by gesture.

"Alright... everything seems to be fine on the monitor. I know you're worried about your voice and eyesight.. or maybe how weak you feel right now, but that's normal. It is common to experience that after waking up from a coma. Most likely your eyesight will heal earlier," she spoke to me reassuringly.

Coma..? I've been in a coma? For how long?

I need to know who she is. I tried to speak again. Only a voice lower that a whisper came out.

"W-who.. who are.. you?" My hoarse voice tries to come out. I couldn't speak properly and my tone was barely a whisper. But somehow, she managed to understand me.

"I'm Dr. Shourya Chandrasekhar. Mr. Rathore, you've been in a coma for weeks. You have lost a lot of blood due to the shots being in certain areas, but Eeram and the girls brought you here just in time. I'll be helping you through your recovery. We can do a little ice breaking once you're feeling better." I heard her explain everything. Now it makes much more sense.

My eyesight was slightly better. I blinked a couple of times. Her face became.. much clearer that before.

"You don't have to force it, Mr. Rathore," she remarked my actions with a chuckle.

So.. she and Eeram were the doctors who got me out of my critical state? And she will be helping me recover? But.. how long will I recover? I have duties, I have things to take care of I- I cant possibly be off for too long.

"How.. How long will it take-" I couldn't finish my sentence. My throat was getting sore.

"Easy.. easy. You'll need a few months or more to recover. You definitely could not stand up now. But I will help you regain your strength through Physical Therapy," she smiles at me. It was as if she was trying to tell me everything will be alright. I.. hope so.

Shourya's POV

My patient was finally awake from his coma. I admit, he is strong enough to survive such a blood loss. Even I was surprised. 

I took notice that he doesn't seem to accept what is happening and what I just told him. I can tell he's a man who takes his duties seriously. He's probably feeling uneasy having to be off for months.

"Look, Mr. Rathore. I know you're worried about your duties.. but please. Your health is much more important than anything else, isn't that correct? Health comes first. If you aren't healthy, how will you fulfill your duties then?" I told him in a slightly stern tone, but I didn't want to appear harsh either.

He seems defeated by reality, so he just nodded to my words.

I looked over to Eeram.. who is also looking towards my direction.

"Should we let him rest for a bit?" I hesitantly asked Eeram.

"I think.. yeah, we should."

"Mr. Rathore, you may rest for a bit..  We'll be back soon after taking care of everything else. Are you fine with that? And if you need any help or if there is anything bothering you, don't be afraid to tell us or.."

I paused and grabbed a small device. I handed it to him. 

"This will help you. Give it a click and it'll let me know that you're calling."

Azad's POV

What's this device? I suppose it's the same as the old fashioned ones but.. more at reach. I couldn't help but give her a genuine smile. Which.. was quite difficult to do.

"Thank you.. very much." I replied in the same hoarse voice I had earlier.

Soon, both of them left the room.

I stared off to the ceiling. The lights causing my eyes to squint.

I tried to relax. But, I couldn't. There was too much pressure on my shoulders. What about the missions? The girls? The jail? My job?..

My heart began to beat faster as those thoughts rush through my mind. It was too much to think of, especially when I am in this state. Unable to move properly or even speak properly. When.. When will this end?

-----------

Shourya's POV

"So this guy you saved-"

"Rathore?"

"Yes, him. Did you know him before the accident?"

My closest friend, Kavitha, questioned. We were in a café which was at the first floor of the hospital. Whenever I'm not too busy, I often chat with her there.

"No. I might have heard of him but this is my first time seeing him in person," I leaned back on the chair after answering.

"Oh.. So he just woke up. When will he fully recover then?"

I was silent for a moment. Kavitha was waiting for an answer, she was curious of how I would handle all this.

"I can't just predict when he will recover fully, Kavi. This morning he was finally conscious and he'll need to get used to with his surroundings first. But it's best to start the therapy today."

This wasn't my first time treating a coma patient, but.. something just felt different.

"So you'll be taking care of him until he recovers? Just you?" Kavitha takes a sip of her coffee while looking at me.

"Well, Eeram will help me out. She knows him more than I do. I've worked with her before this."

I started to feel weight on my shoulders. I still can't believe everything that happened weeks ago. He is out of his critical state, but I'm still cautious about it. I can't let anything bad happen.

"Rya, something's uh.. beeping in your purse," Kavitha tries to check out what it is.

Ah, the device I gave him. But wait, why would he press it now? Is something troubling him? I grabbed my purse to check. I was correct, it is the beeping from the device.

I took out a few notes from my purse and placed it on the table. Kavitha looks confused when I instantly got up from my chair.

"It's on me, just keep the change."

"But Shour-"

Before Kavitha could finish, I rushed to the nearest elevator and pressed the fourth floor button. I walked out as fast as I could. I took a deep breath and gave the door a light knock before entering.

"You called.. Mr. Rathore?"

He didn't say anything. Instead, he just stared at me. Maybe I should try asking him first? 

"Is there anything you need?.."

"I.. accidentally pressed.. the button.. sorry."

He said in a tone which was difficult for me to detect. I stared at him with a puzzled but relieved look on my face.

"You.. didn't need anything? Nothing's troubling you? All good?"

I asked him again to make sure. Did he really accidentally press that button?

-------

Azad's POV

I didn't accidentally press it. I pressed it because I needed company. But, it would be stupid for me to say something like that. There was no one in the room and I was all alone. That's why I pressed the device's button.

The girls did promise to stay here tonight as well, but it is still the afternoon.

Dr. Shourya.. she asked me questions and I just nodded to her words. Soon I decided to speak to her.

"When.. will I start my physical therapy?"

My body still felt stiff. Thankfully I can move my arm, though I have to be slow and careful. Im not so sure about standing or walking..

"It's best to start as soon as you're conscious and.. you already are. We can start that now," She smiles at me and went out the room for a moment. She came back with a wheelchair.

She sighs then approached me. I wasn't able to get up on my own and it seems like she will be helping me.

"Just hold onto me and I'll get you on the wheelchair, yeah? I won't drop you, I promise."

She adds in a light joke to brighten the mood, which was nice.. I admit.

I followed her instructions, I was afraid of falling. She lifted me and placed me onto the wheelchair carefully. 

"Good to go?" She asked, making sure I was already comfortable.

I nodded and adjusted myself as much as I am able to on the chair. 

Dr. Shourya brought me to another room, which wasn't too far from the room I stayed in.

I look up at her. She was placing my IV fluids to a pole which has wheels underneath, probably to help me move a little freely.

"Okay.. Mr. Rathore."

"Please.., just call me Azad."

"..Noted. Azad, what you're seeing infront of you are parallel bars. These bars are for you to hold onto while you relearn to walk. It.. might take some time until you can walk regularly. But, you're not on your own. I will assist you as well. Always," Dr. Shourya turns towards the parallel bars.

I have to.. relearn how to walk? This could take months. She will assist me but.. I still feel nervous. I could barely move my legs much for now, how will I even balance?

I stared at those parallel bars.

"Are you ready to start, Azad?" Dr. Shourya looks at me over her shoulder.

I sighed and nodded with hesitance.

"Im.. ready."

To Be Continued...

(tags! : @amdone, @my-emo-romance. If you want to be tagged in the next, just let me know! :3)

[jjkeremika]

Planted a garden full of lavender and called it home

description: eren helps out at his parents’ clinic. mikasa brings her sick mother to the clinic one day.

pairing: eren jaeger x mikasa ackerman, eremika (aot/snk)

disclaimer/warning(s)?: lowercase; alternate universe; third person but moreso from eren's pov; grisha and carla run a medical clinic; mikasa’s mother is sick; profanity

inspiration: “They say lavender softens anxiety / and i wonder whether i can plant a garden / so dense in your mind / that the knots in your chest unravel / and never tighten again” - jasmin kaur

it was a slow day—a very, very slow day. usually a few patients trickled in throughout, some for walk-in ailments and injuries and others for scheduled appointments, but they must’ve cured everyone yesterday considering how empty it was today.

eren rolled his eyes and groaned from boredom, standing from the uncomfortable chair and stretching. “this is soo booring,” he exhaled to the empty room, rubbing at his eyes, talking to himself to stay awake.

he debated asking his mother if he could leave for the day, or asking his father if he could take his lunch break early. ultimately, he decided against it. boredom was infinitely better than ear-aching lectures on responsibility and commitment and yada yada... he usually stopped listening by that point.

eren left the office and entered the bathroom, splashing some water on his hands and face to wake him up, stimulate his brain a little. he checked his hair in the mirror before leaving and headed straight to the record player in the waiting area.

the record player was ancient, given to him by his father who got it from his father’s father, or something like that (he wasn’t really listening at the time); which meant it was old. Old old; which meant it was even more satisfying when eren and armin finally restored it, having spent months working with armin’s grandfather and asking countless questions to the sick engineers in the waiting room.

his mood lifted as he searched through the old records, pausing to see if any patients had dropped off any unwanted vinyls. just one: “The Founder and Found? the hell is that?” eren flipped to the back of the protective sleeve, scanning the list of songs. “looming giants… us against the world… a rumbling sea separates you and me… pigs released? what the fuck are these songs?” he chortled when he asked the question to himself, finding the record bizarre and amusing.

he tucked the record under his arm. “damn, i have to show this to armin late—oh, shit.” eren heard light voices from outside the glass and stood up, rushing back to the desk right as he heard the door crack open.

he sat down and placed the record to the side, was logging back into his computer when the voices became clearer and louder.

“honestly, miki, im healing,” one woman managed out through interspersed coughs, her arm wrapped around the arm of the person eren assumed to be ‘miki.’ “i’ll be better soon.”

“yes, mum, you will,” the younger woman responded plainly, trying to lead her mother to the chair, “because the doctor is going to heal you.” eren finally looked over and his stomach leapt. “now, i’m going to sign you in, okay?”

“honey, no,” the woman tried to grab her daughter’s arm, but she easily brushed it off and walked towards eren.

“good morning,” she greeted nonchalantly, out of formality more than anything else, “this is dr jaeger’s clinic, right?”

eren didn’t answer. he stared at her silently, admiring her features and noticing that she didn’t smile.

she lifted her eyebrow in confusion, opened her mouth like she was going to say something, before closing it and peaking around her.

a light heat rushed through him and he became increasingly aware of his own self. he sat upright and smiled. “i, uh, sorry, i…” he cleared his throat, ignoring that his insides were flipping with embarrassment at his stutter, “yes, this is dr jaeger’s clinic. are you a new patient here?” she had to be; he's never seen her before.

“kind of?” she replied, “my mother was a patient of his before he moved here.” eren glanced to her mother then back to her.

“i, uh, we really only have, um,” he closed his eyes and took a breath, telling himself to get it together. why was he so awkward today? he continued, “we only have patient files from after the relocation.” eren found it easier to focus on the sick mother than the woman in front of him, “i can register her easily right now if—”

the pretty woman interrupted, and eren felt his stomach flip, “if you could just tell him the name ackerman, he’ll know who that is.”

eren noticed that his toes were clenching and digging into his shoes a little. he stopped himself before he bit his cheek.

the thing is, eren’s an independent guy. he likes to make his own decisions, to be free from control; often got into some trouble academically and socially because of it. and so, naturally, the only thing eren hated more than being interrupted, was people telling him what to do.

he stood up from his chair and met the younger woman’s fierce stare, felt a light tingle down his spine. “yeah, i’ll go tell him now,” he told her before exiting the office to the medical area, only now noticing his racing heart beat.

maybe pretty women who don’t smile can tell him what to do.

****************

he brought the vinyl to armin's house after he left the clinic, his mind still hung up on the nameless girl with an ill mother from this morning.

armin was outside helping his grandfather harvest their garden when eren mindlessly arrived, lost in thoughts about why this random person he'd never met before made him so nervous, why he cared so much about whether she smiled at him or not. armin waved and called out eren's name and eren snapped back to reality.

"hey," he casually greeted as armin walked to the fence, "check out this record." armin's lips flattened into a straight line. always straight to the point.

armin took the record from him as he waved to armin's grandfather from across the yard. as he glanced it over, eren debated telling his friend about the patient's daughter.

he laughed while reading some of the names. "weird. is that from the clinic?" eren nodded. "did you want to come in and listen to it?" armin handed the record back and pointed over his shoulder to his house.

eren shook his hand to refuse the vinyl. "nah, i have to get home. my dad's showing me some of his old medical notes," eren explained, "thanks, though."

they bid farewell and turned around. a tiny smile formed on eren's face as the image of the pretty girl reappeared in his head and his abdomen fluttered. eren slowed to a stop. he could turn around right now and just ask if armin had ever felt like that before, if he'd understand, if he'd know what it means.

"everyone makes armin nervous," he muttered to himself and walked home.

****************

eren yawned deeply as he unlocked the clinic doors and turned the overhead lights on. grisha asked him late last night if he could open before sunrise with him the next morning for an important patient. eren had checked the clock (midnight, go figure), sighed and nodded in agreement, and decided to go to bed.

he was a little annoyed, because, well, how was he supposed to say no to that?

he was scrolling on his phone, trying to keep himself awake because he’d disliked the taste of teas since he was young, when he perked up to the noise of the bell ring as the door opened.

the bell was immediately drowned out by a cough, and he recognized the older woman as the same one from yesterday even with the face mask.

a lump formed in his throat when his eyes trailed to the young woman next to her.

“good,” cough, “morn—” cough.

“mum, it’s okay,” the raven-haired woman soothed, very gently rubbing her mother’s back, “don’t strain yourself.” he couldn't explain the jump in his heart rate.

eren opened his mouth to greet them, was about to stand to help, when grisha entered from the back room, having immediately heard the chatter. "mikasa, you can bring her right in,” he borderline ordered, stepping to the side and holding the door open.

mikasa and her mother slowly made their way to the patient room, where dr jaeger and her mother then shooed her back to the waiting area for privacy.

“Keep my son company,” grisha told her, sharply punctuated by the door closing.

mikasa stood awkwardly and gazed around the hallway, then walked through the open office door. eren jumped in his seat at her sudden arrival.

“may i sit here?” the pretty girl asked, to which eren immediately shook his head and said, “no.”

“oh, okay, i’ll go wait out there,” she replied, looking like it didn't bother her either way.

“wait, wait, no, sorry, yeah, you can,” he followed sheepishly, reaching his hand out like he were going to stop her from leaving before pulling it back in confusion at the brazen, odd action, “i thought you were going to ask if i minded,” he explained, feeling his stomach drop and his temperature flare, “which i don’t.”

she nodded a couple times curiously, but still sat down. “you’re dr jaeger’s son?” she asked so firmly that eren wondered if it was a question or a statement. he wondered if he should wait for her to continue.

he nodded anyway, just in case. “yeah.” he shifted in the chair. he mentally chastised himself for losing his composure. he's eren fucking jaeger. he doesn't get nervous. “have been my whole life,” he joked, chuckling awkwardly before stopping once he noticed her lips didn’t waver. she didn’t say anything. he looked to his lap. “i, um—”

“how long have you been working with him?” she brushed the hair off her shoulder and leaned into the chair, crossing her arms and resting one thigh over the other.

he was slightly taken aback by the sudden question, and felt his stomach flutter at her attention on him. and then his eyes were trailing from the floor, up her legs restricted in fitted jeans to her shapely hips to her tight shirt and rounded shoulders and lick-able collarbones an--wait, what?

"are you okay?" mikasa interrupted his onslaught of thoughts, one eyebrow lifted, no emotion in her eyes. his gaze lingered on her collarbones before blushing and sitting upright.

"yeah, yeah, sorry," he apologized, rubbing his forehead, "it's early," he chuckled, which was not reciprocated. she nodded slowly. "ive been here since the relocation," he answered, returning to the conversation. "how long have you known my father?"

“he used to travel to us every couple months. my mother’s been sick for a while now,” she answered, her shoulders dropping slightly.

he felt the urge to reach out and offer his hand, provide some form of comfort. “so, your names mikasa, right?” he changed the subject instead. she nodded. pretty name. “i’m eren.” he gave her a tiny wave. pretty girl.

“it’s nice to meet you, eren.” the smile spread on his face before he could stop it. the flutter demanded his attention. he never particularly cared for his name, but he liked the way it sounded on her tongue.

“it’s nice to meet you, too, mikasa,” he smoothly replied, beaming internally at the slight curve at the edge of her lips.

***************

the next day, after the clinic closed, grisha and carla asked eren to join them to a house call, citing something about how he should be there to learn and they could use an extra hand. he doesn’t know. he wasn’t really listening. it’s not like he had anything else to do anyway.

what they didn’t tell him was how far away and how long this house call was. a two hour train ride into the city, a bus to a different district, a thirty minute walk.

it was when the door opened at the small house that he understood why they’d come this way.

mikasa welcomed them inside and informed grisha and carla of her mother’s status and location. the two set off immediately, like they’d been here before, leaving mikasa alone with eren.

he glanced over at her, refrained from looking below her chin. “hey, mikasa,” he said with a smile and a small wave.

“hi, eren,” she replied casually, emotionless.

he bit his lip and curled his toes to contain the giddy feeling rumbling through his chest at the sound of his name. “do you always go so far to come to the clinic?” he asked to keep her talking.

she nodded. “yes. we hadn’t seen dr jaeger since the relocation because of that, but then she got worse, and other doctors didn’t know what to do, so…” she trailed off, but the point was clear.

she glanced down, and he noticed her hand shaking when he followed her gaze, noticed her trying to soothe it with another shaky hand, hiding it under her cardigan.

eren suddenly remembered that: years and years ago, back when his father came home late and left early, talked with carla every evening about a woman who was miraculously hanging on. eren thought they'd moved because this patient had once improved.

yet her daughter now sat detached and fractured in front of him, and her mother sat dying in the other room.

eren’s stomach dropped like a feather tied to boulders. he wasn’t so great at this part, empathizing with and calming people when they were upset. he usually said the wrong things, and in the office he recited a script his mother created for consoling families of terminally ill patients.

but instead he thought of holding her hand or rubbing her arm, excusing the action by offering it to comfort her. instead, it was his turn to ask her: “are you okay?”

she didn’t reply, didn’t move, didn’t seem like she was even breathing. he took a step forward.

and she chortled, a fleeting smile and cut-off symphony, then nodded and dabbed at her eyes. which eren didn’t really get because he didn’t understand what was funny but he didn’t really care because she smiled and he’d never felt so captivated by a smile before.

“i’m okay,” she answered, still smiling, still looking at him, “thanks, eren.”

he felt warm and bubbly inside, like the heat was causing the water in his body to boil and evaporate.

he finally understood the intent behind the phrase when he said, “my pleasure,” because, for once, he meant it.

****************

grisha and eren returned to the ackerman house every day for a few days after that. grisha allowed eren to observe the tests and treatment administrations, explained the science and intricate mechanics behind each method and instrument, and eren finally understood why mikasa was forced out of the room each time.

eren stepped out and spoke with mikasa most days, trying to make her laugh, to take her mind away from the anxieties quaking her body.

the visits continued until grisha made the final call to admit her to the hospital. mikasa argued against it, her mother weakly chiming in, but ultimately, dr jaeger convinced them both it was for the best. carla referred mikasa to therapists and support groups, and everyone went home.

once she was admitted, eren didn’t see mikasa anymore. the trip there and back was long, and grisha received updates on patient status from correspondence with the hospital. so without the excuse of a sick patient, there wasn’t much reason to go to her house.

armin stopped by the clinic to help check patients in during one of the busier days. during one of the lulls around lunch, when eren convinced armin to do his own job so he could mess around with the vinyls, mikasa walked in.

eren spotted someone walking towards him from the corner of his eye, and a record slipped from the stack he was holding as soon as he recognized her.

he scrambled to catch it, and he did, flattened between his wrist and his thigh, at the sacrifice of the entire stack falling to the floor.

“mikasa, hey,” he greeted first, standing upright and waving the one record in his hand. he could feel the heat on his cheeks, but her breezy laugh massaged out the breath he held.

“hi, eren,” she said with a teeny smile, she looked down at the vinyls scattered around their feet, moved like she was about the crouch to arrange them.

"don't, uh. i'll take care of... it," eren followed sheepishly, stepping around the vinyls, closer to her. "what are you doing here? n-not that i mind, of course." eren could see armin hiding his face behind his hand. he felt more nervous with armin watching.

but eren relaxed a little when she giggled. “i won’t take up too much of your time. i just wanted to give you this.” he was so distracted by her that he didn’t even notice the plant in her hands. “i appreciate what your family did for mine.”

eren glanced down at the plant she’d placed into his palms. his heart rate picked up and his stomach flipped. she came all the way here for this? for him?

“i know it’s not much, but… we own a plant shop, so…” she trailed off and looked to the ground, her eyes dull, and he wondered if he should put the record and plant down and just hold her.

“how is she?” he asked, not moving. a diversion from the real question he wanted to ask.

“she’s… alive,” a quiet mumble, so quiet the noise of the other patients almost drowned it out. he noticed her hand shaking. he put the plant and vinyl down on an empty chair.

he was about to reach his hand out, to ask if she wanted company, to ask if she had someone to turn to. she spoke before he could. “anyway, i appreciate everything.”

and she turned around, halfheartedly waved goodbye and headed for the door. eren’s heart raced, his stomach dropped, he felt a mild panic. he didn’t want her to leave. she’d never come back. she came all the way to the clinic. alone.

“wait!” he exclaimed louder than intended, garnering the attention of everyone in the room. he lowered his voice, “i, uh,” he stepped after her, and she stopped once he spoke, “i don’t know how to take care of plants.” she stared at him blankly, if not sadly. a tainted reminder of when they first met. a blood stain on all the progress they’d made.

but his heart still raced the same. “can i call you?”

*****************

he called her that night, asking what kind of sunlight and water and nutrients it needed, asking multiple times what kind of plant it was and if she could spell it out for him.

there was never any annoyance or irritation in her voice, but he'd asked so many times that she eventually told him different answers to mess with him, to the point that he forgot the real ones.

he called mikasa again the next night, explaining that he was confused and forgot everything she’d told him. “do you have any more questions?”

his heart fluttered and his stomach dropped. he didn’t want this to end yet. “i, um, don’t have a watering can. or soil. or nutrients. or a pot, so… uh, can i come to your store sometime?”

he could only hear her soft steady breathing, and he could vividly picture her pretty face, staring at him with that newly found sparkle in her eyes, that budding smile on her lips.

“yeah,” she answered delicately, “that would be okay.”

*********************

eren had practically begged his older brother to cover his shift at the clinic. it took a lot of begging, but zeke finally relented.

zeke had no interest in following their father’s footsteps into medicine and made that explicitly clear to everyone that he would be living with his mother and baking breads and pastries instead. so, eren wagered one shift in exchange for buying three breads and four pastries, and giving zeke the shift’s earnings. he didn’t care what he had to do; he just needed it covered.

it was just past sunrise when he set out, and he carried one of the breads and two pastries to the location mikasa had told him about.

the long journey was more tumultuous in the early morning, the train and bus rides providing ample time and opportunity to sleep.

eren noticed her instantly when he was walking down the street. she was watering the plants outside the shop, an elephant-shaped watering can in her hands, when he approached with a meek smile.

“mikasa,” he started when he was still a few feet away, “hi.” he waved despite the now cold bags in his hands.

she glanced up and greeted him with a nod, “eren.” she stopped watering the plants, then gestured for him to follow her. he did wordlessly, admiring the vibrant green leaves and multicolored flowers on the tables and floors and walls.

he stood awkwardly near the counter as she momentarily disappeared in the back. he observed the small plant in the cat pot near the register, reached out and smiled at the soft, gentle texture of the leaves, when the handles of the resusable bag slid from his wrist to his elbow and he yanked his arm back, pulling the plant and ripping the leaf with it.

the plant and pot fell to the ground, soil and decorative rocks scattering across the ground. “oh, shit,” eren whispered frantically, rushing to place the bags on the tabletop and ducking down to brush up the debris, to put the displaced plant back into its home.

he noticed her peering over the counter. “i, uh, i didn’t mean to…” he stood up, the messy plant tucked back into the plastic liner and back into the thankfully unbroken pot.

he felt the uncomfortable heat flooding his abdomen. he felt his usually rigid abs softening into nervous gelatin as she stared at him blankly. he felt embarrassed at how clumsy he was around her, which was only exacerbated when he thought back to armin’s playful teasing after the record incident.

she chuckled softly as he placed it on the counter. “that’s okay. i do it all the time,” she confided, pointing towards the pile of dirt in the corner of the room, swept under one of the displays. he exhaled airily, smiling, relieved. she watched him delicately place the torn leaf next to the bags. “what are these?” she asked, lightly touching the top.

“o-oh, they’re for you,” he answered sheepishly, scratching at the back of his neck, “my brother owns a bakery. i thought since i was coming so early, we could…” he trailed off, shifting uncomfortably, “you’ll enjoy it. he’s really good.”

she relaxed into the chair. “thanks, eren.” she stared at him softly and raised an eyebrow. “are you here for a pot?”

he wiped his hand against his jeans. “i, uh.” no. “yes.” he could feel beads of sweat starting to form on his hairline, and he hoped they wouldn’t roll down.

she stood up, flattening out the wrinkles in her apron with her palms. “you’re welcome to look around, but,” she explained as she wandered around the counter, walked right by him. she smelled nice, like pink roses and prosecco. “i picked out two nice pots that are about its size, held them in case you wanted one.” she held the two small pots in her hands.

one various shades of green, an ombré of dark to light in a cascading pattern that seamlessly transitioned under his stare. the other bursts of yellow and orange and red, hot colors searing through the clay and burning into the edges, overlayed with a distinct smell of light grey smoke licking up the sides.

mikasa held up the fiery pot higher than the other. “carla told me you like camping, and i’ve never been, but when i was young and the shop was slow, my father and i huddled around pots like this one and pretended we were around campfire.”

eren’s heart dropped into his stomach. he wondered where her father was now, after all this time, during these long and difficult weeks; his absence turning the night bleaker and darker.

she turned her gaze to the grassy pot, her eyes roaming the gradient monochrome mosaic. “this one, just… reminds me of you.” she glanced up at him, and she felt warm when she realized he was already looking to her.

his heart swelled and his chest hurt. she’d picked them out for him? with more of a reason than it’s the size of the liner? how was he even supposed to choose one? she’d put thought into both.

she’d put thought into him.

“maybe it’s because of your eyes or that shirt you always wear,” she joked awkwardly, smiling faintly and minutely, avoiding eye contact, to take his fixated attention off her. did she say something wrong?

eren’s throat sucked his mouth dry, and his tongue lost all speaking mobility. it hung flat in his mouth, too heavy to move but too light to let go. he lost his mind at her meek, fleeting smile. a smile too pristine to be faltering so soon.

“or maybe it was the record you were holding when i brought the plant,” she added quietly, squinting at the green pot like it would restore her memory, regurgitate her line of thinking when she picked it out of the rest.

she finally returned his eye contact, pulling him out of his blatant adoration. “you don’t have to pick either,” she continued, rambling from the unsettling rumble in her gut, the foreign itching under her skin, “there’s many more here that you might like.”

she went to put the two hand-selected pots down when eren stepped forward, held his arms out to stop her movement. “no! i, ah, i do want those ones.” he held his hands out to take them from her. “i’d… actually like both, if that’s okay.” she looked at him with a light surprise, her eyes and mouth wide and open.

he liked the pink blush that graced her cheeks. “o-oh. a-are you sure?” she furrowed her eyebrows, dropped her gaze. “you only have the only plant…”

he felt the heat from her charcoal eyes set his meadows on fire. he felt his heart beat speed up and his vessels dilate.

eren stepped closer. he lifted his forearms, delicately covered her hands as they cupped the pots.

“i want to buy your favorite plant too,” he said softly, his longer fingers curling over hers, intertwining lightly with hers.

[dayz-ina-daze]

So… this is. A bit of an emotional post for me to make, and I’ve rewritten it a few times and cried over it far more, just because I’ve been feeling very lost and hopeless recently, and I just… really want some advice. Some suggestions. … Some comfort, even.

I turn 20 in April. I spent my last “milestone” birthday, the 18th, half-convinced that I was dying because I had undiagnosed POTS, narcolepsy, and intense chronic pain that genuinely made me feel like I was on death’s door… so, uh, I didn’t really do anything special for that birthday. Or my 19th, as I was also in very poor health… though I’ve now come to the understanding, two years later, that this “poor health” is just. Not ever going to get better.

I haven’t done something “big” for a birthday since I was a lot younger. And with the way things are shaping up for me, this might be the last birthday I’m able to share with my family before I’m inevitably kicked out because I just can’t keep up with college and the deal was I either stay in school or work to stay at home, and I can’t get a physical job for reasons that’ll become clearer later on.

So… This all to say, I’d like to do something “big” for this birthday. But… I have some pretty heavy restrictions. I don’t have a wheelchair (The cheapest one I have my eye on is about $300 out of pocket, and I just. Don’t have that money. Ive been trying to save up for that, though, as it would help me get an actual job + let me get out of my house more with significantly less worry… I’ve been begging my doctors to help me get it covered by insurance, but they claim that it’ll just make me regress, which is… a whole other issue) and can only walk maybe 5-10 minutes with a cane before I need to rest. If I push myself, I’ll be bedbound with blinding pain for the next day or so, or I’ll just straight up pass out — or, usually, both. The weather is turning warmer, and I have a severe case of heat intolerance, so I can’t be outside for long.

I’m not a fan of museums or aquariums or the like… Im not smart enough for escape rooms… Bowling is out. Most arcades are out. I don’t live in a very accessible town… I don’t really want to go and see a movie; that just doesn’t feel like “enough” of a thing to go and do… So, my point here is: Does anyone have any suggestions for what I could possibly go out and do? Just random local town suggestions… I like writing and reading and art and animals haha, if that helps spark anything…

Sorry if this is just… dumb. I probably won’t get a lot of answers anyway, I’m just… I want to do something. And I’d just like some suggestions… maybe some reassurance that it’ll get better someday, and I’ll be able to have a normal birthday again… I dunno’.

Thank you for reading :) and thank you for any suggestions

[b1adie]

Hi there Adri, I hope you have a good day!

So I saw that total cutie Blade on tiktok and looked up his lore on Wikipedia but it's completely confusing to me, I know basics of hsr lore like mara or aeons cause my roommate rambles about it 24/7 but I don't play this game yet and roommate doesn't care about Blade so they ignore all his voicelines etc...

Came to tumblr to find out more and I saw your blog in tag + in your faq you stated you don't mind lore questions...

So please ignore it if you don't want to answear but could you explain to me Blade's lore more or less?

I'm so sorry if I came out as pushy, I know it's probably a complicated lore and a lot to write about but even watching cutscenes on yt didn't make anything clearer while I feel like this guy could make me play hsr... Sorry for anon, I'm a bit shy.

no prob, i’ll try and explain his story as simply as possible!! and.. add a tldr cuz i know im gonna yap

im sorry the tldr got long too. here.

TLDR was TL, DR: craftsman/blacksmith human named yingxing that became cursed with immortality while participating in a fucked up resurrection ritual for one of his friends. was killed thousands of times til he became mara struck and forgot his past human life. got picked up by the stellaron hunters cuz their leader apparently knows a way to permanently kill him and he wants to die so bad. he didnt know his name but he has a cool sword so they call him bladie. he’s old and he apparently has a valid drivers license and obeys traffic laws but he cant play video games because he keeps stabbing himself in the hand.

iffff you have any further questions you can ask ^_^

TLDR; he was. regular human who was taken to the xianzhou as a child after abominations of abundance destroyed his home world. he picked the name yingxing there. he grew up to be a master craftsman and was incredibly skilled and confident, even considered arrogant. since he was a short life species on a ship of people who would live like 700 years longer than him on avg, they found him lame and annoying, but he was better than all of them at making shit so they had to give him the title of Furnace Master cuz he won it. then at some point he became a member of the high cloud quintet, made up of him and 4 friends (jing yuan, jingliu, dan heng’s past incarnation dan feng, and a foxian girl named baiheng). they fought abominations together and were considered legendary and told about in stories. but, baiheng was killed in battle, and dan feng wanted to revive her. he asked yingxing to help him. the revival went wrong and turned baiheng’s remains into a fucked up beast and also cursed yingxing with immortality. jingliu had to put the baiheng monster down, but she loved baiheng so much and having to be the one to kill her mutated corpse like this drove her to become mara struck. she killed yingxing with the sword he made for her, and then again, and again, killing him thousands of times, until he too became mara struck and forgot his life as yingxing entirely. then the stellaron hunters found his miserable ass in the woods somewhwre and said hey grandpa come with us and we’ll kill you for good. and he was like damn okay if you promise. he didnt know his own name and said he would be more use to them as a weapon than a Person, so kafka started calling him bladie and he didnt object so now he’s called blade. he doesn’t think of that as his name though, he still refers to himself as “the unnamed.” but like, he’ll answer to it out of convenience i guess.

OKAY NOT SHORTENED VERSON.

he was born a regular human on a planet that was soon taken over by the borisin (basically immortal space wolves that brutally kill humans). he was the only survivor of his family and sitll a child. he was taken to the xianzhou zhuming and taken under the wing of their arbiter general, huaiyan. (so like, basically the jing yuan of that ship). he took on the name Yingxing there. he became an apprentice craftsman because the xianzhou is very well known for its forging and craftsmanship. he was always generally overlooked or sneered at due to being a short-life species, which of course meant he could never accomplish as much as any of the long-lived xianzhou people. he was wildly ambitious, though, often described as proud and arrogant, mentioned to have stayed awake for days at a time engrossed in his work. xianzhou natives attempted to sabotage his work by deliberately giving him defective or poor-quality material, but it never held him back. despite all the adversity, he became the Furnace Master, the highest title a craftsman can hold on a xianzhou ship.

when he was still a young kid, he’d met a foxian girl named baiheng. they met again some years later, along with jingliu, the champion swordmaster on the luofu, jing yuan, a young cloud knight and her apprentice, and dan feng, the high elder of the luofu vidyadhada. they all hit it off and became very close friends. yingxing forged special weapons for each of them, and the five fought against the abominations of abundance. they became known as the high cloud quintet.

they had a great time for many years, but the rest of them were all going to outlive him by centuries. they Should have, at least. baiheng was killed in battle, having done so protecting them in some way (distracting the enemy or interrupting them i believe?). dan feng decided they should take her remains along with some cursed abundance flesh and try to resurrect her. he convinced yingxing to join him in his wacky little plan. yingxing was like 70 by then hauling his old ass to go do some scary ritual.

they tried to resurrect her and did bad. instead of baiheng, they created a cursed dragon beast that started wreaking havoc and killing people. jingliu arrived in time to put the beast down. but. she was very, very close with baiheng. like obviously its not outright spoken canon, but they were basically married. so killing the mutated beast made from her wife’s corpse caused her to become mara struck. she killed yingxing as he stood in front of dan feng.

but! due to him fucking with that cursed abundance flesh during the resurrection, he came back to life. (and also got like 40 years younger apparently). jingliu took him with her somewhere and used the sword he made for her to kill him thousands of times, until he too became mara struck and forgot all memories of his life as yingxing.

then she kind of just dumped him in the wilderness somewhere or he escaped and went to the wilderness somewhere. he didnt know his name or anything, just that every part of him was constantly in agonizing pain and he could not die, despite badly wanting to die so the pain would end.

one day while he was out there, kafka and samfly showed up and tried to get him to join the stellaron hunters. he was mara stricken and batshit crazy thought so kafka had to shoot him to death and have samfly hold him down while she used her ability to calm his mara. she told him their leader knew a way to kill him permanently, and would help him reach this goal if he joined them. and he was like oh well in that case sure. she asked him his name, and he said he didn’t have one. (even in his internal monologue, he only ever refers to himself as ‘the unnamed.’) he told her he was more of a weapon than a person, so she was like. ummm.. okay. i’m calling you bladie. and he just let her do that and now everyone calls him blade

[allylikethecat]

Hey! I know you’re not rlly into Taylor atm so you’re not planning on updating you know where the city is. Do you think that’s like forever or just for now? And if you weren’t planning on ever updating, would you ever consider posting the few chapters that you mentioned you already had written? Ik you’re not a fan anymore but I LOVED the fic.

Hope you’re having a good day and I hope pop is ok and giving you less stress !

First off, thank you so much for reading and for taking the time to send me this ask! In terms of if I'm planning on updating You Know Where the City Is and the potential timeline for that, I honestly have no idea. At the moment the entire ~situation~ just kind of makes me sad and feels kind of icky, BUT that could also change at any time because even though I'm not the biggest fan of IRL Taylor at the moment, I do still care about my fictional version. I'm sorry this is such a non answer but I really just don't know and I am very sorry 😞

In terms of the chapters I have written - they are super, super rough and more skeletal than full chapters, and therefore not something I really see myself posting, especially when I might eventually return to the fic. Thank you so much for the support and for reading! I'm sorry that I don't have a better answer for you, and I hope you are enjoying my other fics!

Thank you!! My day is going well, I hope yours is going well as well! Pop was feeling great when I saw him this morning, and I'm so grateful for the support network that we have and all the people that talked me off the ledge when I was spiraling lol. Thank you so much for reading and for this ask! I hope your are having the BEST weekend!

❤️Ally

[cepheusgalaxy]

PLEASE no bear or man discourse on my dash. This conversation doesn't really seem to be helping anyone.

On one side, we have a lot of (probably cis, idk, im assuming) woman who said they'd chose the bear.

And on the other side, a bunch of angry people.

Not to be like 'oh wah both sides are correct im neutral on this wadda wadda' but like. Men are people (i mean theres otherkin men too) and people are reasonable and bears are not reasonable and etc so logically it's way safer to chose the man wadda wadda but then I'd also like to point out how even if the other option is not very good logically speaking, a lot of people raised to be girls (like me, myself) grew up with this constant induced fear of Men. Dont go out alone, a Big Scary Man is gonna hurt you, don't be alone with a Man or else hes gonna hurt you, *scary statistics of violence towards women commited by Men shoved down your gut*, dont be alone with your Uncle because he might be Family but he is a Man and Men are not trustworthy and all etc. so you are in Danger. Just like. It wildly depends on the person you're talking about, but when we get there and generalize to the people being raised to be girls its very very Scary.

But I'd also like to point out how those views we learn as children are incredibly generalized and the group of people more likely to harm you are not "men", strictly speaking, but Privilegied People With Mote Power Than You, Incentived To Do Whatever They Want. One would think that emcompasses All Men, but then we completely ignore black men, men of color, poor men, disabled men, men with mental disorders (not the asshole in the News who got called a """""psychopath""""" again but the guy next door who is being dehumanized and ignored and demonized), trans men, queer men, etc etc. And so its our job, even if thats annoying or doesnt seem fair, to try and unlearn this bias we have and see things with clearer eyes, and be able to answer that this question is incredibly vague and it highly depends on the man or even the bear; oh maybe its a baby bear, oh maybe its my uncle Joe, oh maybe its Donald J Trump with a gun and im a minority, oh maybe—there are so many situations.

There are at least two sides on this debate, and I totally get where both are coming from. Distrust had been shoved down our (people raised to be girls) throats since childhood, and that view also conveniently serves to opress further men who are already being opressed (either you like it or not, interseccionality exists). The best thing to do would be to try and unlearn all that, and challenge the power structures that allow Some Privilegied People (because lets be honest these groups include a lot of people of all genders, because you can be both a privilegied + opressed person combo—because of interseccionality!—like a cis white gay person shoving a two-spirit/trans poc person under the bus, or a neurotypical black person shoving cluster a black people under the bus) to opress other groups.

*Not* asking random woman on the street if they prefer to be alone in a forest with a man or a bear, and then accusing them for repeating the views they've been raised with, which they did not took the legwork to unlearn.

[Image description: The "lets take ibuprofen together" meme, edited to say "lets unlearn harmful views together". /end ID.]

It's just—UGH

Sorry for the ramble. I'm gonna finish my homework now.

[neverforpickles]

complicit anon again. Thanks for the heartfelt response, but right after i read it i saw something else that helped snap my feelings into clearer focus, and i hope you don’t mine me venting a bit. So people believe harry is in italy right now and some fans were going out to try to find him and talk about Liam, and a few larrie blogs i follow argued it was unfair to call them stalkers because if harry didn’t want fan attention he wouldn’t have “let” them know his location. That because his management had “leaked” his location in the past via paps, this was the same and the fans who took advantage of this were blameless, and we “know” harry loves fan attention anyway. Basically taking his existence in public as consent to interrupt whatever he’s doing to needle him about his friend who just died. And like, did we not just have a whole reckoning about how we treat famous people? Did we not just learn the hard way that we don’t actually KNOW what the people we look up to are dealing with? And all the talk of how we the fans “know” the real boys, we “know” what they are really like and what they are okay with. I’m not even talking about doubting larry anymore, I’m talking about people using larry to justify toxic fandom behavior. This isn’t even the only example of toxicity ive realized in hindsight, worse still because i saw some of those examples on my own blog agreeing with them. Whether or not larry is real, i have no way of knowing for sure and neither does anyone else who isn’t close with them in real life, but ive realized that acting like we have all the answers when we don’t is likely doing more harm than good to everyone involved and i can’t be a part of that anymore. Not only is it no longer fun, but even if it was, i don’t want to be the kind of person whose joy and self-fulfillment comes at the expense of others. So yeah. Im still a fan of the boys but I’m not going to be in the fandom anymore. Sorry for dumping all this on you, i just needed a sympathetic ear and worried i would get flamed if i posted this on my own blog. Hope you have a better day than I’m having.

Oh, darling. You seems to have been having your entire life completely uprooted but perhaps for the better for you. I get that. The fandom, no matter how enjoyable it is can be very draining as well. And you’ll have moments of ‘shit, I sound like a lunatic’ — I’ve had those and then I step back because I realised, I’ve become to sucked into it.

I remember when Harry was in Melbourne walking around, I knew where he was and I could have easily gone to where he was and follow him around. But I didn’t. Because I know that is very uncomfortable on all parties. Because even though I ‘know’ him, have seen and grown up with him, at the end of the day, he doesn’t know me nor does he allow me to be a part of his most inner intimate circle. I personally think that those people who follow him around should have some grace and conscious decision makings of having this common sense of not following people around, no matter how famous they are. They are people, humans who have lives outside of work and we should be able to separate that. I get that that we may never see Harry around again walking casually like that but I think there is the right time and place to interrupt someone’s day. If you want to see them, see them at a places of work -/ which is on concerts, not on the streets walking around acting like vultures. You can know but it does not give you the consent to follow them around and act like his friend. At the end of the day, we are not. We are strangers. Has nobody know life/work balance anymore? for fuck’s sake. Also what the fuck? Thse people want to have a sit down and have a heart to heart about liam? Anon, who are these blogs you are following because I fear they have lost their marbles.

Anyway, anon, I am sorry you won’t be in the fandom anymore. I am also glad you won’t be in it anymore. See you on the other side. We don’t have all the answers anon, nothing is definitive, but I’d like to believe that the narrative I sided on is worth fighting for. If it’s no longer fun, then it’s not worth staying for anymore. Don’t worry too much about what people has to say— this is where we end up with Liam because I know he takes everything strangers who doesn’t know him online has to say. If you want to say it on your blog, do it. At the end of the day, we are just a speck of dust in this vast universe and they’re not that important to you to have that much impact.

Best wishes!

[ghost-of-a-system]

ITS ME AGAIN IM SORRY

YOU PUT in one comic rhat when ur not up it feels like ur in the background like youre not really thinking but ur there. and i never feel like that i feel like i always have consious control of everything but ALSO people say they dont realize cus its a covert disorder so im askinf u to expand on that :3 (like do u notice it in reel time)

also you have been so helpful if u ever need a kidney, liver, ride across the country, or someone you dont like to inconspicuously disappear i got u cus i owe u

no worries haha, we are up to and enjoy answering questions majority of the time.

to answer your question in a short way: yes, we notice it in real time. but we only notice it because of all of the work we have done to understand each other.

i (skye) am going to speak from my own experience, just so that the separation of i's and we's makes things a little more clear. but what i'm going to describe is a mostly collective experience amongst all of the alters in my system.

like described, when i am not fronting, my thoughts and feelings essentially become numbed in favor of the thoughts and feelings of whoever is fronting. so, i guess, in a way, i still "feel" like i have conscious control because that's what the fronter is feeling.

when i am not fronting, i still feel blurry, disoriented, and generally disconnected from our surroundings. this is in comparison to when i am fronting, and things feel much clearer and more grounded.

however, prior to having knowledge that we were a system, i did not notice when we switched or when i was not fronting. even after acknowledging we were a system, it took us a long time to get to a point where we could properly tell. we still struggle sometimes, especially when we often feel dissociated regardless of if we are fronting or not. for us, it became easier once we learned more of our alters and adapted to recognizing/understanding each of our behavioral patterns, roles, front triggers, etc.. but that is because we have distinct alters, and i'm unsure how to best go about that for a potential system who does not.

[teddywesworl]

if you're still doing the wip thing... The last mile? your mass effect au makes me feral

I just tried to answer this and tumblr fucking ATE my response but yeah i'm working on it, it's set half at the beginning and half at the end of the Reaper War with the Hawkins assigned to Project Crucible (part 1) and the London assault (part 2). tonally it's very me3 so im gonna be kinda nervous about posting it, especially as it may require a MCD tag lmaoooooo (not them though. never them)

i have no idea when it's going to be completed, though, so here's a sizeable chunk of the opening, complete with epistolary-ish framing device to match DTA:

EDDIE 1

Fig. 1: Perspectives on Tayseri Ward, an award-winning photograph of the Citadel by acclaimed asari photographer Lidilya Ranis, ca. 2182. Note the near-atmospheric effect of the gas and dust of the Serpent Nebula creating depth of field between the camera’s lens and the Presidium Ring.

*

The Citadel is different than he remembers, but it’s also the same.

He and Steve see it differently. Steve thanks air traffic control in person on their way through security and comments on the Sur’Kesh native trees freshly planted in the commercial district. Eddie marks the C-Sec man tailing them while they eat tacos from a super gimmicky Thessia-Earth fusion restaurant and spots a pickpocket watching them from an alley. It’s a human girl, maybe thirteen. No visible tattoos or marks, but that doesn’t mean much when the kid is wearing a beanie and a scarf and a bulky jacket that’ll hide plenty of take. Eddie angles himself so the cop can’t see his face, makes eye contact with the girl, and shakes his head.

They’re in the Mid-Ward, a part of Zakera that Eddie should know intimately. It feels strange not to recognize the large majority of the storefronts, replaced as so many were in the aftermath of the geth attack in ‘83, but the longer he looks, the clearer it becomes that the bones are the same. Eddie rebuilds the map in his head from the position of keeper ports, maintenance panels, walkways—and vents.

He falls behind Steve just staring at a vent tucked between an Armax vendor and a pop-up shop selling the elcor equivalent of beer. Steve walks another dozen feet, maybe, before he notices Eddie’s not beside him and doubles back.

“You okay?” Steve says, fingertips brushing Eddie’s elbow.

Eddie shakes himself off and nods. “Yeah, sorry,” he says. “Um. I used to sleep in there, I think. I’m pretty sure that’s the one.”

Steve frowns, his eyes moving from storefront to storefront, gliding over the vent like it isn’t there until he remembers. “Oh,” he says. His hand slides down Eddie’s forearm, and he laces their fingers together.

Eddie feels oddly disconnected from his own body. He doesn’t think he would fit in that vent, now, but that’s sort of the point, isn’t it? That’s what a duct rat is. You stop being a duct rat when you can’t fit anymore. Or when the wrong fan powers up and chews you to pieces.

Eddie unfocuses his eyes and doesn’t quite look at the C-Sec man still pretending not to follow them. It’s a turian, hanging around some fifty paces behind them, and he’s obvious in a way that’s kind of aggravating, because turians make up something like half a percent of the Mid-Ward’s population, and the real residents don’t dress business casual. There’s a tension welling up, raw from the vents and the cops and the collision between memory and immediate reality. He bounces on the balls of his feet, indecisive. Then he squeezes Steve’s hand, locks eyes with the turian, and crooks his finger at the guy, beckoning.

There’s a strange hanging moment where the cop looks like he’s gonna try to disappear into the crowd, but then he accepts that he’s been made and approaches. Steve looks surprised to see him; his posture gets a little guarded, so Eddie squeezes his hand again.

“That’s close enough,” Eddie says at a distance of ten or so paces. He’s not in the mood for this, doesn’t feel like playing a game, so he just says: “Why?”

Steve stays quiet, apparently satisfied to let Eddie handle this.

The turian’s mandibles twitch. “I’m,” he says. “I don’t…”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “Why’d they send you?” he says.

“They didn’t say,” says the cop. Eddie’s not sure he believes him, but at least he’s not playing completely dumb.

“Get out of here,” Eddie says. “Tell them you were made. Also tell them the Alliance doesn’t appreciate C-Sec harassing its N7s on shore leave.”

The mandibles twitch again. Turian hearts aren’t quite like human hearts, but the rhythm of this one changes enough to confirm Eddie’s suspicions that the guy at least didn’t know who Steve was. “Right,” he says. Leaving is an awkward thing, but he manages it, walking off in a straight line.

Eddie sighs when he’s gone.

“How long’s he been there?” Steve asks.

“Since security,” Eddie replies. “Fuckin’ amateur hour, sending a turian. Especially since there’s a ton of human cops now.”

Steve hums thoughtfully. “You ready?” he says.

“Yeah,” Eddie says, and it’s the truth. He wasn’t sure it would be, when Hop offered to call in a favor, when the message hit his inbox, or even when he stepped out of the Hawkins airlock and onto an Alliance dock this morning. He just kept saying yes and moving forward because he knew he’d regret it if he didn’t.

He keeps holding onto Steve’s hand as they move through and past the crowds toward Oji Way Warehouses, a row of storage units guarded by sectional doors and the occasional krogan hired gun. One such krogan, a scarred old brute with a cracked green frontal plate, approaches to grunt at them about what they’re doing down here, to move along if they don’t have business.

“We do,” says Steve. “We’re looking for somebody.”

“That so, soldier boy?” says the krogan. Eddie ducks his chin to hide a smile, because yeah, even in civvies, Steve sticks out like a sore thumb.

“Munson,” says Steve. “That’s the name.”

The krogan turns his head to get a better look at them out of a single eye. “What d’you want with Wayne?”

[brilliant-red-eternity]

Do you believe im Ko-Chan und Akane-Chan supremacy?

I’m sorry for the late reply. I’ve been up to my ears in work lately and I needed some time as English is not my mother tongue. I hope I understood your question correctly. If by "supremacy" you mean do I believe in Shinkane then my answer is yes, of course. I guess my blog betrays my true feelings for this ship ;)

I’m very excited about Providence and would like to use this opportunity to express my thoughts and expectations. I must admit that I’m out of practice when it comes to writing, but this is my first Ask and I want to make an effort. I really enjoyed writing about this ship in the past and I’m still in love with their dynamics. Hopefully the muse hasn’t left me yet.

From what I saw in the trailer, it looks as if Akane and Kogami will once again work together as a team and solve a case that will bring to light another mystery of the Sibyl System. We’ve been waiting quite a long time for this to happen, but it remains to be seen whether their relationship will also develop in a romantic way. I really hope so, even though Shiotani keeps emphazising that PP is not a Shoujo anime. The authors will probably just drop a few breadcrumbs here and there and we’ll have to read between the lines to understand the personal motivations and relationships of our characters – but who knows?

I think Akane and Kogami’s relationship is very complex and it's always fun to watch them work together and mature. Despite their different opinions and occasional disputes, their actions were always proof of how deeply these two care for each other. Not only have they always tried to protect the other from physical harm/death but also they have always supported each other mentally in times of doubt. There’s mutual trust and respect. And there’s this insanely powerful connection between them, this spark they can ignite in each other, even if they're miles apart. Kogami was subject to Akane’s influence while he was living abroad in war zones. His firm belief in her righteousness and the fact that his revenge led him into exile made him reflect more closely on moral duties. On the other hand, Akane developed this peculiar habit of lighting Spinels that helped her solve cases in Tokyo. There’s also this bittersweet scene in the PP movie where Akane finds a paperback of Proust: she immediately associates it with Kogami, takes it home and therefore withholds evidence. The authors have taken great pains to avoid the stereotypical portrayal of romance but the message gets across anyway if you pay attention.

Providence will very likely focus on their professional teamwork. Still, it will be exciting to see how they approach each other after all this time – and not just because of their mutual attraction that seems to become clearer with each new story. They both have matured on their individual journey, and they both have changed. Akane has gotten quite tough and she is more committed than ever to changing the Sibyl System and society for the better. She still rejects violence and strictly adheres to the law. While Kogami admires her for it, these are qualities which he himself does not possess. After he killed Makishima, Kogami had to survive for a long time in a lawless world and he wandered around there without any real goals. I had the impression that he hated his new life and eventually got weary. Akane's sense of justice has always been the magnetic north of his compass, so if there was someone who could provide him with a sense of purpose again it would be her – or some task associated with her. I really hope that he’s willing to get his life back on track this time.

(-Did you come back to fight violence with violence?

- I’m just doing what needs to be done. I don’t have any regrets.)

The phone call probably occurs at the beginning of the movie and I bet you that it was Kogami trying to get in touch with Akane for the first time. The atmosphere is tense and it provides a good starting point for the hero’s journey. One of the basic dramaturgical recipes in PP has always been Akane and Kogami pursuing the same goal while favouring different approaches. Personally, I think this is due to the different realities of their lives and individual experiences. As an enforcer and mercenary, Kogami was always in a position of powerlessness and only violence could help him change a situation. Akane, on the other hand, was able to seek peaceful solutions because of her relationship with the system by either slapping Sibyl’s wrist or negotiating deals. Moreover, it seems as if Akane has worked her way up on the job ladder since she is now shown as a supervising inspector. Kogami is still in the dark about Sibyl’s true nature or Akane’s dangerous ties to the system, so I think we’re looking forward to some kind of collision here.

Kogami seems a bit depressed during the conversation and the falling rain enhances the impression. It’s unrealistic to expect that he could immediately reconnect with his friends after all this time but man, does he have to be so bad at making conversation or saying sorry? He’s lying through his teeth when he says that he doesn’t regret anything. He’s full of regrets but as always his pride prevents him from being honest. I have long suspected that PP actually stands for "pride and prejudice" as Kogami seems to have no idea how to handle his own wants and needs or Akane’s newly acquired toughness. But you don’t have to be a profiler to know the reason why Akane acts so business-like and tough: she seems to protect herself emotionally because she didn’t do so in the past and therefore got her heart broken.

Kogami should have known that Akane won’t be thrilled to bits. She probably worries whether or not Kogami was only allowed to return to Japan to do the "dirty work" for Sibyl. We know from SS that Akane doesn’t trust Frederika or Foreign Affairs. There’s a lot of competition between their ministries and the SAD is a brand new unit whose mission is still unclear. You can’t blame Akane for being suspicious and wondering what to make of this. However, given the development of his character, I think Kogami won’t let himself be used for fights he doesn't believe in ever again. But I'm not so naive as to think that he suddenly stops doing what he always does (fighting fire with fire or whatever the fate of Kei’s brother may be) and be good, especially when he comes under emotional pressure or has to defend his idealism. Akane knows that he can’t help it. Of course she knows.

 (-The next time you violate the law, I will stop you no matter what.

-Even so, I’ll believe in you who strives for righteousness.)

I think Akane says that more to herself. She must have realized that his return has the potential to become a great burden for her. She has a soft spot for Kogami and she knows it. She has proven more than once that she is willing to put herself in jeopardy for him and as much as she despises his illegal actions, she has never held him accountable. At the present time, she would have to use a dominator or arrest him. Both options would put Kogami at the mercy of the Sibyl System and that’s exactly what she has always wanted to avoid. Now that he’s back, she must be afraid that Sibyl may only spare his life as long as he complies and makes himself useful. Kogami created chaos in everything he did and the system is notoriously unforgiving. But not Akane. She has always tried to protect Kogami either by letting him go or by warding off an overly harsh judgement. Considering that, it’s kind of crazy that he of all people always emphasizes Akane’s sense of justice. Objectively speaking, she let a murderer go because she has feelings for him and knew that Sibyl would execute him. That’s why Kogami looks so pathetic every time he begs for condemnation. He must know that he’ll never get it from her.

Anyway, a collaboration between the PSB and SAD seems to be under way and they will probably meet regularly in the future. Keeping Sibyl in check and ensuring justice is Akane’s second full-time job. She has enough on her plate already and she certainly doesn’t want to babysit Kogami, who she knows will neglect his duties whenever he feels like it. I wouldn’t be surprised if we get to see Kogami disobeying Frederika’s orders in Providence just so he can support Akane and follow the path of her "righteousness". As always, he’ll wreak havoc on the mission and his life will probably hang by a thread again causing a distraction for Akane who will then be compelled to save him from one of Sibyl’s crazy minions. She’ll go to jail for this, but we all know she will forgive him in the end. I can’t wait to see something like that in Providence. These two are practically made for each other. Try and convince me otherwise!

(-Will you come with me?

-Even if you told me not to, I will follow you.)

Be still my beating heart. I’ve always believed that Akane and Kogami are more than just colleagues. The romantic subplot has always been there given that Japanese culture is based on subtlety. Japanese people love to beat around the bush. Admittedly, Akane’s girlish demeanour in PP1 gave the impression that it might only be a one-sided and immature crush, but once Akane began to mature as a result of the Makishima case, their romance gained momentum. I’m glad she never broke the habit of looking at Kogami with dreamy wide eyes. It’s quite adorable and reminiscent of their early days as inspector and subordinate.

Some people think that Kogami only recognizes his younger self in Akane and that for him their relationship is merely platonic. His idealization of Akane raises questions, though. It’s clear that he has irrevocably changed and will never go back to his old self. I don’t even think he wants to. He respects Akane as his equal but considers her sense of justice superior to his or anyone else’s. In the PP movie, we witnessed how carefully he weighted every word she said when they talked on the balcony at night. He shielded her from the explosion without a second thought and the first thing he did when the camp was under attack was to help her escape. He always treats Akane with extreme care and priority. And if that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know, bear in mind that Kogami refers to Akane as her in the novel – as if he were sanctifying her. His character is not easily understood but I think it’s obvious that he has feelings for Akane. And from what I saw in FI and the new trailer, it seems that he no longer wants to hide them.

"Even if you told me not to, I will follow you". Kogami can be absolutely stubborn and persistent. He has already proven that in PP1 when he was chasing after Makishima. He was far too busy and selfish to be considerate of other people’s feelings back then and he didn’t let Akane’s warning get through to him. He had to learn the hard way. There’s something about this snipped that reminds me of Natsume Soseki’s "The moon is beautiful tonight, isn’t it?" to which the answer is: "I can die happy." Both are confessions of love. By saying that he would follow Akane unconditionally, Kogami reveals his real motives for the first time. And no, I don’t think he’s doing that as atonement for his crimes. He has undergone a transformation in SS which allows him to stop running away and "take responsibility". He had strayed far from the straight and narrow and it added to his loneliness and made him unhappy. Frederika recognized that. She must also have recognized that Kogami feels drawn to Akane and that he has found hope through his encounter with Tenzing. So, wherever their path may lead, I think he’s willing to die for Akane and become a happy man.

And as far as Akane is concerned: Kogami has always been the person she trusted the most and I really hope he becomes Akane’s ally. I’d love to see her laugh and find some happiness in this crazy world. She has secluded herself from friends and family over the course of the series and she absolutely needs someone to open up to plus a shoulder to lean on. She should no longer be a lonesome queen. Providence could be a first step in that direction and whatever happens between them as colleagues, friends or lovers, I expect it to be very important for their character arc. Kogami will probably learn to hold back and try to see the world through Akane’s eyes. And since we already know that Akane will end up in jail, it would be interesting to see if her policy might change in the future. Will she lose her influence over Sibyl? Will she be able to hold on to her non-violent way of life if it means she can no longer ensure justice and create change in the system? A system that won’t stop its Machiavellian practices and has begun to spread its tentacles all over the world? In PP3 Akane says something akin to "justice must be enforced, even if it disrupts a peaceful society." It doesn't sound vindictive or bitter, just reasonable.

The system despises both Akane and Kogami. They have demonstrated time and again that they would rather act according to their own principles than blindly follow orders. This is not in the interest of an authoritarian system. We learned in SS that Akane is being observed by the higher-ups since SEAUn. My gut feeling is that we should probably not trust Atsushi Shindou who has been portrayed as a Sibyl enthusiast in PP3 and who seems to have practiced strange mind manipulation techniques as an inspector. But what do I know? However, I’m pretty sure that the authors won’t be able to avoid showing the romantic side of their relationship in PP4. After the ending of FI it would come across as very artificial and forced.

Gosh, this answer has developed into a novel! I don’t know if you enjoyed my rambling analysis but I’ve always loved this little fandom and it feels good to be back! I want to thank steoh @mochidoodle for the translation of the trailer which I have quoted above in brackets.

[tobacconist]

IT IS NOT 2024

the year is not 2024. it quite simply is not. i literally dont know how to make this clearer to you people; it just isnt.

WITCHCRAFT IS DANGEROUS.

you have you be SO So so very careful when casting smells. ESPECIALLY when they involve thyme...

i shouldnt have used that fucking tyre machine, man... this is all my fault. you dont understand the burden of guilt on my shoulders. i did this, and im sorry. my hair grew so long... i dont even know anything about clocks, ofcourse id fuck something up.................................... uh, okay, yeah, thanks for the insane rant. what year do you suppose it is then? - stupid question. you know the answer. we all know. the year is 2020. it always has been. it has been two thousand and twenty two since its been two thousand and twenty two. can you remember any time before? why arent you wearing a mask??? if you squint your eyes it could be the millennium. do you remember the fireworks?

were trapped here. you have to understand this. we are trapped here and the nets are closing in on us tight. were all going to live this year over and over again until we manage to break free. the tangled threads of fate.

and know that the devil exists, and that his teeth are broken, jagged and sharp, and the nerves are exposed and raw, and he gapes like a whale greedy to gobble up sinners. and the devil his skin is black and burning, like an unhallowed beast he goes grinning and gurning. so be on your guard. do not be ignorant of me anytime or anyplace. be on your guard; do not be ignorant of me.