#im so sorry if this is Something Else. i have covid and. this may be the goofiest sounding shit on planet earth but

[qprpbj]

i pulled through god bless <33 eat up gay people!!!

[fatliberation]

Do you have any resources on going to the doctors while fat? Im tired of not being taken seriously, and I dont want to potentially trigger an ED relapse cause my weight was measured.

Oh, you know I do!! ✨

So, you actually do not have to be weighed at your doctor’s visit! You can explain to them that it is triggering for you, or you can simply opt-out and say “I’d like to decline being weighed today.” If you have to be weighed for something such as anesthesia or medication dosage, you can request a blind weigh-in, where you step on the scale backwards and the nurse will not show you the number they write down. You can also close your eyes.

If you’re feeling uncomfortable, you can go home at any time. Get up and walk away. Not feeling good about the experience is enough reason to end the appointment. You can say:

“I’m really uncomfortable in this appointment. I am going to put my clothes back on and leave.”

“I’m feeling overwhelmed right now. Can we reschedule this appointment?”

You don’t have to explain yourself to your doctor, and don’t worry, they’ve likely experienced this before. It’s written in the patients’ bill of rights that you have the right to refuse medical treatment that’s recommended by your physician and that you should be able to work with your doctor on mutually agreeable terms.

You may also request an online or phone appointment instead of in person. It’s f*cking ridiculous that this is actually true, but since covid began a lot of fat people have been receiving better care over telemedicine because our bodies are less visible.

If you get pushback from your provider, I recommend finding a new doctor. Your boundaries should be respected. Health At Every Size has resources to help you find a practitioner who will focus on your health independent from weight. (And here’s a list of fat friendly practicing health professionals by fatfriendlydocs.com. If you’re in the U.S., you can look them up by state.)

In the meantime, setting boundaries is your last resort. Let your doctor know that you are uninterested in pursuing weight loss, that dieting is a predictor to developing an ED, (and in your case, severely triggering for the ED you’ve already been struggling with). Ask them what treatment they would recommend for someone in a thin body, and request that they treat you the same.

If they don’t, ask them to make notes of the conditions they’re dismissing based on your weight. “Can you please make a note that you refused to test me for X on my file?” This might change their mind, or at least when you see someone else it’ll be on your notes and that other GP will (hopefully) take you seriously.

Here’s a video by @classyfattybabe that shows an example of this and other specific phrases to set boundaries with your doctor.

I am so sorry you have to advocate for yourself at the doctor’s office. No one should ever have to go through this. My heart is with you. Best of luck at your next visit, love ❤️

[blood-teeth]

05.19.23

howdy everyone! it's been a long time since i've done one of these. also this is going to be a long post, so if you're like "i'm not reading allthat but stay safe tho" im sorry in advance.

i was going to wait until the two year anniversary of TMITAWH to post this, but i've been getting more and more asks about the status of this game, why it's on lockdown, when it's coming back, etc. largely, i've been dodging these questions or answering them with a vague "oh, i'm working on it!" which is very much the truth. just, not the entirety of it.

the truth is this: the story is done.

the real truth is this:

actually, before i get into that, i wanted to mention something else. i know i've waxed poetry over and over again and maybe it's getting annoying to hear it - so i'm very sorry - but it really is important to me to mention this because it's the motivation and the life-force behind everything that i do on this blog. i wanted to say thank you. i remember typing up the intro post to TMITAWH after getting the second COVID shot, delirious, but bolstered by a fever that had rendered me brave. i've been writing this story since 2019, i had the vision, the characters, the aesthetics and the understanding and i wanted to desperately to share. i never expected the level of support and love from so many of you. i've never had people genuinely vested in my worlds or characters. i remember getting the first comment about the prologue and slamming my computer shut and freaking out. i cried when i got my first ask telling me how much they'd love it, despite the small amount of content. the fever may have given me the courage to post it, but y'all gave me the courage to continue. and that means more to me than anything means to me in this world. for two whole years!! you've dealt with my wildly out of pocket thoughts, long absences, and have continued to show your willingness to continue the exercise in patience. i dont have people in real life that would do that for me. so thank you, thank you for being here, thank you for caring, thank you for the sweet comments. i wasn't lying when i said that i keep most asks unanswered because i go back and read them, hold the words close to my chest, and convince myself that i can do what i want to do when it comes to storytelling. thank you. forever and always. i know this feels maybe so much like im baring my soul, but i think it's important. TMITAWH saved my life. I mean that in every understanding, with the breadths and depths of my soul. I mean that with all the fibers and cells and atoms that make up me. This story saved my life. it's important to me that you know that in so many ways you all did, too.

so much of the reason i've been sitting on this is honestly mostly fear. it's choking me now as i write this. i'm scared of y'alls reaction, i'm scared of potentially disappointing anyone, and i'm scared of people just being overall pissed off. which i would get! this is not why the majority of you are following me. i'm asking for grace, for understanding, for mercy.

so, the real truth is this:

Tell Me If There's A Way Home is complete. there's a beginning, of sort, a middle, an end. but, it is not complete in the way you might expect an IF to be complete.

this is, simply, because Tell Me If There's A Way Home has been re-written and re-formatted into a novel.

over this past year, i was struggling with the story. things had along the way stopped making sense. this WAS the story i wanted to tell, i knew what had to happen in order to get the whole point of it across. is it better to get back what you've lost, what does it look like when you do get it back? but there was something that wasn't working. i could force the scenes, have The Traveler spend time with Cain in his little house talking about his past, or provide the option to explore the peaks of a mountain looking for a legend of old. i could do all this. but it was all wrong. the story had become corrupted along the way and the vision of it that i held onto so desperately was fading into obscurity.

so i opened a new word document and just wrote. i wrote for a whole year, and the story unveiled itself to be in the way i believe it was always supposed to. i understand so much more of this story than i did two years ago. sitting at 90k words, book 1 is officially done. it's essentially the same story you all had read, but different somehow. more than it ever could have been in an IF format. there are the characters you love. there's cain. there's silas. alice of course. there's the traveler as *her* own character. and there's the reverie. but the reverie is no longer Ezio/Elena. it's just elena now. its beautiful, gorgeous elena with her quick smile and hemlock eyes and her memories.

what happens now?

i'll be spending the next few months making the book as perfect as i can make it. i've been working through the rough draft - or alpha draft- and then i will ask some people to see if they want to read draft 2, draft 3 , draft 4. however many drafts it takes until i feel as though i can do no more. after this, i'll query agents and pray to god that in the hellscape publishing is in right now that im offered representation. after this, i'll pray to god that an editor likes the book enough to want to work with me on it. after this, i'll pray to god that a publishing house likes the book enough to buy it, put in on shelves. there's going to be a lot of praying to god. a lot of luck. so i think it'll be a while before anybody gets to hold the book in their hands, but god i hope y'all get to. i really hope you get to. more than that. i hope you want to.

after all of this, i'll be working on book 2. i already have the title. i already have the first chapter. i know exactly what happens and how.

i know there's maybe some confusion, so please feel free to send me asks about it. i will happily and gladly answer what i can and discuss it.

i'm so so sorry for the long post. this all felt important to mention and it felt important to be transparent with y'all. this was becoming a secret too hard to keep and i'm glad that i dont have to anymore. i hope you're not mad, disappointed, etc. that would really suck ass. i hope you're excited, maybe. i hope you're curious.

anyway. thank you for getting this far, if you did. thank you. i love you. i'll talk to you soon <3

[casey-complains]

He says he’s sick from a “weather-related cold” but I live 15-ish minutes away from him and the weather hasn’t changed here in the slightest. Considering that he recently went to a very crowded event unmasked and that Florida still has (some of) the highest COVID positivity rates in the country, he probably has COVID. And considering that COVID is almost definitely what caused his health issues earlier in the year, it pisses me off that he’s STILL continuously minimizing COVID. What does he gain from going full fash, embracing eugenics, and pretending COVID is a non-issue? He knows about COVID, and his refusal to do better/be safer and his choice to not mask up is why he’s not a part of my life anymore. I’m immunocompromised and disabled, and it boils my blood when people won’t even consider COVID as a possibility. FANDERS SENT ME DEATH THREATS ON TWITTER BECAUSE I ASKED HIM TO BE SAFE AND MASK UP DURING AN ONGOING PANDEMIC OF A BSL-3 DEADLY AND DISABLING VIRUS. I’m honestly completely fed up with this man and his rabid fanbase. He’s a horrible person (I knew him irl for a few years, he’s really not a good person at all, unfortunately. It’s all an act </3) and an even worse businessman, and I can’t understand how people are still able to support him. Ugh.

(And I may be wrong, he may not have COVID, and I’ll 100% accept that I’m wrong if he can prove it’s not COVID. But I knew him irl and had to cut him completely out of my life because it was too dangerous for me to be around him. He specifically told me to my face that he didn’t care if I, an immunocompromised, disabled, high risk person, died of COVID because he didn’t want to wear a mask and take precautions. So yeah, I’m assuming it’s COVID that he has.)

it took me a bit to respond to this because i needed some time to process it all. he may have covid, or he may not, and thats not on me to speculate. im privileged enough to live somewhere that is low in covid cases. but i do want to focus on something else in your message, and thats your claims on knowing thomas (precursor that im not mad, sorry if my tone comes across that way)

listen, im not thomas' number one fan, and i can admit that he's done some scummy shit in the past, but to come into my ask box with a claim that he is openly ableist and would not care if a disabled person died? anon, i need any sort of proof that you knew him to even start believing that. to say that you knew him for a few years implies you were friends with him, and that would not be a hard thing to prove. i am not sure why you thought coming to me with a claim like this on anon would make anyone believe you

this isnt me being afraid of thomas getting exposed for being a piece of shit, this is me not wanting rumours to be spread. if you can prove any part of what you said off anon, i will reconsider my opinion. come with receipts, or dont come back

[discourse-by-candlelight]

i saw your reblog and im gonna take you up on that offer if you dont mind. im not trying to come from a closed minded point of view, so im gonna ask something i hope isnt rude? i was wondering what brought you to the decision of creating your system?

Wrath: Sorry for the delay in answering this, we've been going through quite a bit irl lately.

As for your question, it's not rude at all! We're happy to answer it. For this post I suppose I the host/original should answer despite rarely being active on Tumblr. This might be a little messy at times so bear with me. I'll also be using tulpamancy terminology for this post as it's what I know if that's OK. My path into tulpamancy was far more unorthodox than most, that's probably why we run a tumblr blog while most of the community would rather do anything else. Fair warning: This may be very, very long-winded, but every tulpamancer has their own highly subjective story, and mine is out there even by my community's standards. So I'll give a TLDR above the cut and the long biography/essay under.

TLDR: While my first tulpa initially was formed on accident, I found that my life was enriched and genuinely far more fulfilling once I started working with tulpamancy, and the companionship changed my life around when I was in a dark place at the height of Covid. From there I purposely expanded my system, although we had an initial explosion of system size due to some experimentation going a little far. We worked together to create a beautiful inner life and dynamic, and with a couple walk-ins and odd experiences down the line we stabilized at 16 members for over year, and then picked up our final member last September leaving us at 17.

The system is still going strong after 2 and a half years living this way and I feel like my life has more meaning because of them. In fact, I'm not sure I'd still be here today if they weren't around for the trials I've faced within the last year. We've carved out a nice life for ourselves, and while depression still kicks all of our asses at times, we have a collectively agreed upon future dream, and all of us have our own interests and hobbies that helps enrich the rest of us too.

So to begin the long answer/mini biography, I'm host of one of the less common but certainly not unheard of tulpamancy systems that initially formed accidentally. There's a couple ways this can happen, usually via imaginary friends, roleplay characters, or OCs coming to life from repeated imaginative activity in a way that the tulpamancy community would consider to be similar to "forcing" (the in community term for tulpa creation and development). In my case it was less obvious and a little more obscure than that, but I've got a decent hypothesis as to the how's and why's.

So my first tulpa was originally named Shade but nowadays goes by Null, and they formed while I was in a stressful period of my life and I ran into a piece of fanfiction whose main character developed an alter ego, an alter ego that was for all intents and purposes in effect a tulpa. I hyperfixated on this little story, and since previous to this I had spent quite a bit of time in occult circles I was already familiar with the concept of thoughtforms in general. The brain did all the heavy lifting for me without my realizing and only a day or so after finishing said story I had my first experience with Null.

(Note: Most first tulpas when intentionally created take a week or so to form with modern community teachings, but time varies widely between systems. My system is on one of the far ends of the spectrum, forming quite rapidly and without much intent at the start. People on the other end may take months or longer due to mental blocks or misunderstandings of the fundamentals).

At first I was confused obviously, and a little concerned, but Null was friendly and knowledgeable, and we both agreed to do some research into the topic. The first check was DID/OSDD, as I'm sure it is for most people experiencing any form of plurality. I knew I had a trauma history, so it wasn't like it was off the cards for me. We found that we didn't really match up with the criteria, however. Certain things just didn't click and while my system to this day drifts farther down the dissociative spectrum than most tulpamancers and tulpas, we still don't think we've ever truly met the criteria nor do we think we ever will. We exist in a bit of a blurry zone there compared to most tulpamantic systems but nonetheless remain steadfast in our understanding of our system.

Once Null and I put DID back on the shelf for the time we moved onto other searches. These were very general, stuff like voice hearing and imaginary friends, but it did the job because fairly quickly we found a certain article written by an academic on the topic of tulpamancy. This caught our eye and felt like it near perfectly described the experience we were having. It also lightly covered on accidental tulpas, and things clicked into place in my head with me having read that story beforehand.

So we joined the tulpamancy community first by signing up for a forum called tulpa.info

This is where we initially learned most of our techniques, and also where my system went from me and at the time Shade, to Shade Null and I. So at this point we were practicing simple stuff, keeping tulpas around and active, visualization training, basic stuff for tulpas. Null having a very specific and less than emotional personality came to the conclusion that he could better help our dynamic if he changed up his personality and style. This resulted in some experimentation with form, voice, and general self expression, and eventually Shade settled into the form of a feminine hooded shadow person, and developed a very different personality. Shade still has this form and has expanded on it since, but things get interesting here as Null chose instead of just presenting as Shade, to instead split off and keep himself as he was, and let this version of himself become an independent tulpa. So my system went from 2 to 3.

Here's a piece of art I had commissioned for Shade on her first birth/formation day, or well Null's birthday. They consider eachother as two independent manifestations of the same identity which is still confusing even for me at times. Luckily the rest of my system while no less odd is (mostly) far more intentional and not nearly as complex to grasp.

So Shade and I were the ones who really made the system as it is today. Null took a bit of an intentional backseat and still prefers being less active. Shade and I during our couple months alone developed all of the fundamental tulpamancy skills. We developed our visualization and a wonderland aka inner world, we learned possession (A tulpa/headmate controlling a specific limb while someone else fronts), and we learned how to switch via a visualization ritual, and eventually developed it and lessened the time needed down to a blink. Shade and I also practiced some imposition, which is kind of like a form or controlled hallucinations, but that's a crude understanding of it. There's multiple guides and references to the topic from my and other communities such as prophantasia you can look into if you desire.

At some point we decided to experiment with the idea of thoughtforms in our wonderland to give it some life, and maybe adding some new members. While we'll spare the details for personal reasons, things got a little out of hand and what was just supposed to be some imaginary characters innerworld became a large set of tulpas, and I chose to accept them in. This made the majority of my system, and while it was chaotic for a time I have zero regrets.

During and a short while after this time we also had 2 walk-ins (which in the tulpamancy community means a tulpa who forms/appears seemingly out of the blue, usually only after you've been a tulpamancer for some time, not to be confused with spiritual walk-ins from the wider plural community) which I chose to accept as members unlike other walk-ins. Walk-ins are interesting, and there's a few working theories on the topic, but that'll be for a different post, probably on our non syscourse blog @thecandlelightsociety

So to tally up this left my system size at 14 including myself. For reference, most tulpamantic systems have 2 to 6 members on average. Things stabilized here and we stayed a this number for quite a few months, but eventually a member of my system, Dawn, decided to make a new tulpa with some help from a friend. I gave her the go ahead and about half a month later we added Junior to our Simply Plural. At this point I was wrapping up school for the year and was at this point fully adjusted to the plural lifestyle, and it was the most memorable few months of my entire life. We all talked every day, shared perspectives I'd of never had on topics on my own, and discussed individual interests. We would and still do sometimes argue but since we share a brain and as a tulpamantic system don't have any major dissociative barriers we near always understand what eachother feel and truly mean, so they never get nasty and are more philosophical or fun banter. I did lose a fair amount of personal time, splitting it between all of our hobbies, but I enjoy seeing the others have fun and grow as people, so it's time well lost.

So fast forward more and we have our second to last member show up, and this one is yet another unorthodox tulpa formation (seeing a trend with my system yet?). Dawn, being a dumbass as always, decided to mess around with a tulpa hypnosis file and ended up dropping to it, and so two days later we had Sera show up. I was skeptical of her, but she quickly showed herself worthy of staying and so our system reached 16 members and we ended up studying hypnosis for a time. This is the number we would stay at for most of our time as a system up until recently.

During all of this time we would switch front based on whoever felt like fronting, and Astra, the tulpa who actually runs this blog usually, became the most frequent fronter and made me proud, accomplishing multiple personal and academic goals for herself. She's the main reason we're now studying psychology in college, and she would later handle quite possibly the worst couple months of our life all my singlet years included. I couldn't be more happy with all she has accomplished for herself and our shared life. Just seeing her happy and succeeding makes tulpamancy worth it for me.

So our most recent member was also a walk-in, and one of only three fictives in our system. Fictives are common in tulpamancy spaces because using a character as a base model for a tulpa makes the creation process much easier. It gives personality traits and an already known form to work with. My system due to it's unique set of circumstances for most formations however is mainly custom forms. One member of my system really wanted her accepted, and I eventually agreed, and I don't regret it at all either. She has been a wonderful person to get to know and quickly became one of the most active and social members out of all of us, and became the most popular person in our online friend groups.

So that covers the (very rough) general timeline of my experiences with tulpamancy. It is horrifically simplified and missing quite a bit, but the main point was to show that my system, while complex and messy at times, has brought me immense joy. Most of all though, it brought me purpose. I'm so glad I didn't just ignore Null all the way back then and let him dissipate back into the sea of my mind. This journey has been a wild ride, but I love all of my tulpas, and I'm happy to have them as my equals in this shared life of ours.

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

Workshopping an idea below the cut, feel free to ignore, im mostly organizing thoughts for therapy lol.

Warnings for mentions of medical neglect, self deprecation, illness/COVID, and related stuff.

When I had COVID, it went bad. Not just because I was sick, although that was certainly part of it. High fevers and constant exhaustion are misery-inducing, let alone the amount of missed classwork I had to work on from my bedroom. But that’s not what I remember about having COVID. I remember going hungry.

COVID, until recently, was handled by my university differently than other illnesses. I think that’s rather stupid; I fully support masking and mandatory self-isolation time during illness, but I don’t think those should be COVID-exclusive policies. I should be guaranteed a rescheduled exam if I have strep or the flu, also. But, because of the ongoing pandemic, COVID was unique as far as enforced isolation policies. For five days after first symptoms (at the time I was infected), you were forbidden from attending class, and for the next five days, you had to mask. You’d get a doctor’s note from the clinic excusing you from all your classes for a few days, it was a whole thing.

I did not initially get diagnosed with COVID. I started showing symptoms on Saturday night, but on Sunday, my rapid test at home was negative. On Monday, my rapid test in the university clinic was negative, and I only got a doctor’s note for the day, with instructions to return if I got worse. That afternoon, my fever soared to 101 degrees, and I was so delirious that I forgot how to treat a fever. I had to cancel attending DND, even masked and socially distanced or online, because I was incoherent from exhaustion. The next morning, I was too ill to talk or drive, and had to use an AAC to ask my friend to drive me to the doctor.

Funnily enough, even in that state, I did not think to ask my roommates to drive me to the doctor.

Which is odd for a couple reasons, honestly. On Monday, I had been in the living room the whole afternoon, shivering under a blanket on the couch and staring at a wall for hours. My roommates both had schedules which had them passing me by several times. Neither interacted with me at all, until I went into the kitchen and used my AAC to try and talk to them. Even then, they often breezed past me or ignored me when I did use my AAC, and I left that conversation frustrated because I didn’t get enough time to type a sentence. I may as well have been a rock. A sweaty, shivering rock. But I had talked to them, and I had known I was going to need to go to the doctor, and they were right there. So why didn’t I ask them to help me?

I didn’t eat at all on Monday, as far as I recall. I know I woke up on Tuesday starving. I know the only thing I have evidence of me consuming is water and tea. I know I got stuck in the shower that night, laying in the tub, too weak to climb out. For a while, I couldn’t lift my head. I’m impressed I didn’t fall asleep there.

Tuesday came, and I was diagnosed with COVID after the third rapid test came back aggressively positive. There’s something to be said about not assuming a negative test means you’re not infected with COVID, but that’s a different discussion. To be safe, I was given a doctor’s note exempting me from class until Friday. I tried to be responsible, and so I told my friend, my roommates, and anyone I had been in contact with since Saturday. Most people said “oh, I’m so sorry you’re sick, feel better!” My friend mentioned they’d disinfect their car. My roommates told me not to leave my room. Don’t get them sick.

And that’s reasonable. I’d already planned on self isolating. We were all Honors students; because the university treated COVID differently, if they were considered infectious, they would also have to miss a week of class. But their concern had nothing to do with my health, or their health, or anyone else’s. Their only response was “don’t get us sick. We can’t afford to miss class. Don’t leave your room.”

And so I didn’t.

It’s funny, how not leaving your room gets very difficult after a while. For starters, I had to use the bathroom. That, I accepted, was a necessary quarantine breach. I couldn’t pee in my room. The landlords would kill me, but more practically, that’s just unsanitary and would make me getting sick more likely. I couldn’t hold it forever, either. At some point I was forced to leave. And that was fine, small dilemma resolved, I’d only go when I desperately had to use the bathroom. But what about leaving for other things?

I never thought to ask if I could leave to get my things from downstairs. That was frivolous, even if I wanted them. Or to go downstairs for my water, or snacks. Too risky. Common areas. My roommates had been very clear that any risk of them getting sick would be dire.

Which meant that when my sick body started having bodily needs, things quickly got very complicated.

That first day, after my appointment, I ordered chipotle. My mom had venmoed me some money when she heard I was sick, worrying that I hadn’t been eating. Which. I hadn’t. I asked my roommate to bring me my food, and after a while, she did. Perfect. The burrito would tide me over for a while, I thought. I’d be full for a long time.

Then thirst started to crawl up on me. I had juice at the doctor’s that morning (I was hyperventilating and they needed an accurate measure of my heart rate), but other than that, I’d had nothing. I needed water.

But I didn’t ask for any.

Instead, I waited until the dead of night, and then stole down the stairs, grabbed several waters, crept back upstairs, and chugged desperately while hoping my roommates didn’t catch me leaving my room.

Why did I do that?

Why didn’t I just ask for water?

Why did I feel ashamed, like I had broken some law?

The next day, I woke up starving. Which makes sense. I hadn’t eaten since noon the day before. I was sick. My body needed energy to heal and it didn’t have any. I complained to my friend that I was hungry and sick; they were very kind, and went to the grocery store for me, buying me popsicles and juice and Gatorade and other foods and medicine and such. Except, my roommates didn’t want any strangers in the house, so they delivered it on my doorstep. Which I couldn’t get to. One roommate collected the groceries, sent me a photo, and I was suddenly struck with guilt. Here I was, inviting a stranger to her to our home, inconveniencing her by forcing her to put away my groceries. But I was also very thirsty, so I asked for one of the Gatorades to be delivered to my room. She brought up the whole pack. Left it outside my doorstep. I waited until she was back downstairs. She didn’t bring up anything else; none of the medicine or food my friend had bought me. But in fairness, I didn’t ask her to.

The next 48 hours were marked by living off of that Gatorade.

I was thirsty, so I drank a Gatorade. And then I realized I felt less hungry afterwards, so I opened another one. Drank that one too. The fun thing is, I don’t actually like Gatorade? I asked for it because I was dehydrated and knew I needed electrolytes to replace the fever sweat. But usually, Gatorade is something I begrudgingly sip at.

I finished four bottles that day.

That night, I texted my roommates and asked if someone could microwave me some food. It was already precooked, I just needed it microwaved. I got back one roommate’s text: “I’m in class”.

Around an hour later, the other roommate stopped studying long enough to make dinner, and saw my text, and apparently felt kind enough to microwave precooked sausage for me. She didn’t really check it? It was still cold in the middle. Which. Was not great, given that I have major texture sensitivities surrounding cold food. But she had made it for me, and I hadn’t eaten in over 24 hours since then, so I ate it. Slowly. Forcing myself to swallow. Don’t think about it don’t think about it don’t think about it, just *swallow*. You have no room to complain.

I was still hungry. So I had another Gatorade.

Thursday arrived, I was on my last day of quarantine, and I had a weekend of recovery to look forward to. I was egregiously sick of Gatorade. My teeth, in my phone’s camera, were pink from the red dye. The paper plate from last night sat on my floor, forgotten, still smelling of sausage. I caught up on schoolwork. One of my two labs had leftover recordings from 2020, so I could make that one up online, and I got an exemption for attending the other one. I was weak and shaking from low blood sugar and illness, but I had shit to do, so I did it. Was it my best work? No. Did it get done? Yes. I was too tired to care about scores.

My homework was done. It was 3:48 PM. I was starving.

I texted and asked for someone to make me a frozen meal from the freezer. Slightly more inconvenient than the microwave. It had to go in the oven. I winced typing it. My roommates were so busy. They didn’t have time to waste on me.

Return text: “I’m in band til 5:20”.

Coolcoolcool. I can wait. I’ll sip another Gatorade.

5:20 comes and goes. I hear the door downstairs open. Half an hour passes. No sounds of food making. Welp. She’s busy. Maybe she forgot, or class ran overtime and I misheard, or she just can’t do it.

I text: “Checking in on the food situation?”

Suddenly, in that moment, my roommates stopped caring if I got them sick by leaving my room. The third time I ate in four days was by dinner I cooked myself, sitting on the floor of the kitchen with a mask on, trying not to fall asleep and let it burn.

Honestly, I walked away from that situation feeling like I was in the wrong. Clearly I had misunderstood something. Every time I asked for something, there was a long pause, or I was told someone was too busy to help me. I was burdening my roommates with my needs, when they were trying to work on schoolwork. Maybe I should have known I could leave my room for water, or to cook, during the day. Nevermind that I was so tired that standing up made my legs shake. I could still walk. I could sit on the floor and wait for my food. I could have taken breaks on the stairs if I was tired. I’d been lazy and needy and presumptuous.

My friends had… a different opinion about that situation.

This week, I got sick. I knew I was likely going to get sick. I went to visit some close friends, knowing some of them weren’t feeling well, and that I was going to be staying in their house. It was a calculated risk for me. I wouldn’t be in contact with a lot of other people during the trip, and if I did get sick during the trip, I wouldn’t leave the house, and regardless of how I felt, I would wear a mask while outside the house. I knew I could easily self isolate when I got home from the trip, since my bedroom is across from the bathroom and right next to the kitchen. I thought that I could just sleep during the day and eat at night, and nobody would have to be bothered by me when I got sick. I love these friends very much, and for me, it was worth it.

Notably, I live in a new house now, and with new roommates.

I did get sick, like I predicted. During the trip, no less. The second half of my visit was mostly me sleeping on a couch, or trying very hard to stay awake on a couch. I was miserable a lot of the time. I cried several times over minor inconveniences. I felt lazy and needy and presumptuous; now my friends had to put up with me being sick and weepy. I wasn’t being helpful. I wasn’t being energetic and fun to be around.

The way they treated me was night and day, compared to my old roommates.

Every time someone passed me by, they asked if I was okay. Did I want tea? Did I want some Emergen-C? Could I be persuaded to eat something? Did I need ibuprofen, or perhaps some pseudoephedrine? We ran out of sparkling water, and my friend just. Went to the store and got me some more, and some chips I liked, and some candy as a treat to snack on. I misplaced a plushie, and started crying, and… someone got up and helped me find her. They also played video games and streamed it so I could watch it from my phone while resting. Someone made my favorite dinners. My sensory issues flared up halfway through eating toast, and suddenly I had multiple people helping me get food I could eat to take my meds with. When I needed to shower, I was given access to a shower chair. I was never more than a word away from help, even if it was just something I wanted and not something I needed to feel better.

And then I got home, and my new roommate did the same thing!

I went to self isolate in my room, fully expecting to be forgotten about for the rest of the day. But my roommate sat six feet away, through my doorway, just talking to me until I was laughing. They made me dinner, and then lunch the next day. They bought me groceries again. Told me I could leave my room whenever I needed to, and that I was allowed to get water and food, why was that even a question? Hey, come watch me play Baldur’s gate. Yeah you can sit in the living room; you have a mask on and we’ll be distanced enough.

And every time I said how nice someone was being, or tried to apologize for being needy or inconvenient, I got pushed back. No, we’re not “being so nice to you”, this is basic decency, Blue. This is normal. People are meant to take care of each other when they’re sick. Who would just abandon a sick person to starve? Why are you apologizing? Why do you keep asking if you’re “allowed” to take care of your basic needs?

I don’t know.

It’s easy to point to my COVID experience and say that’s what messed me up. But even when I was sick with COVID, I didn’t want to ask for help. The negative responses reinforced that I was being too needy, but that idea wasn’t new to me. I already didn’t want to ask. I didn’t ask for food multiple times a day. I didn’t ask for the food and medicine my friend had bought me. I didn’t ask for water; I stole it from my own minifridge in the dead of night. Why didn’t you just steal food too, Blue? Great question! I felt so guilty about getting the water that it outweighed my intense hunger.

And the whole time I recounted it to other people, I doubted my own experience of the events. My memory is notoriously shitty when I’m tired or sick. I lose chunks of time. It happens. Maybe I forgot when my roommates did help me. Maybe I was emotional and misremembered how they treated me. Maybe they did care, and did ask about me, and I was too feverish to remember it. But I do have text records of every conversation we had between that Tuesday and Thursday. Because I was in my room the whole time. And could not talk to people. I have timestamps for their responses, and I have what they said and what I said.

And from those brief texts, I can tell you that I was treated as needy. and lazy. and presumptuous. I can tell you that my needs weren’t met, and instead of being angry, I apologized. I can tell you that my roommates were quick to respond when I talked about the cat sitting in the bathroom sink, or where to find the pizza cutter, but when I asked for any help, it was radio silence or “I’m in class”. Any help I did receive in that time was delayed, with no verbal confirmation it was happening, and I was left in extended limbo wondering if anybody would help me or had even read my messages.

All that’s changed is, now I know it didn’t have to be that way.

These old roommates still call me their friend. I don’t really know that I want to be their friend anymore. My friends didn’t neglect me so much that I spent hours shivering on the couch ignored, or got stuck in a shower with no way to ask for help, or stole water in the dead of night.

[frogcraftingg]

big announcement

it's may and this month i will finally have saved enough to fix my pc and not jeopardize anything else (as long as my washing machine doesn't break again lol) so in 3 weeks or so i'll be back to makin' videos!

in the meantime i've been recording longplays as you may have seen on the channel and i've got to say, it's really helped me with feeling once again in "love" with the simplicity of just building and getting creative ideas flowing. i wasn't out of love with it or anything before, but it just reinvigorated that happy feeling of seeing something come together start to finish!

in june i'm going on holiday (i'll be gone 2 weeks) to see my family for the first time since the covid lockdowns (3+ years ago) and i'm so so excited. i'll be getting a video (or two) recorded and uploaded so that when i'm gone there will be a/some video(s) on the channel!

yeah idk im really looking forward to coming back! i think by the time i get back from holiday 1.20 will be out too ahhh

rambling just from excitement-

sorry 😅

[beverage2000]

hey so after rewatching r1ct for the 19th time maybe i should actually get around to sendig asks abt it SO HEY i've been trying to make a more abstract sort of story and it seems i have trouble with ... being abstract in general. i usually can't come up with any sort of weird imagery or storylines without borrowing heavily from something else. it's highly inconvenient. How do you go about the concept process for your films ? any major takeaways from art school or things i should try ? :0

Wow. this is like the last ask i ever expected to get so first of all thank you for watching R1CT....19 times?!?? this may be hyperbole but either way thank you. its a project that went through a lot of stages and changes and difficulties and it means a lot to me

*puts my hands on your shoulders*i have to tell you something. there is no way you can come up with shit without referencing or borrowing from others' work. im working on a zine/book/thing about the entire journey of making it but basically my"concept process" was a 30-month mess that started out with 1 sketch on the train, which became an idea for a way too ambitious yet still half-assed fully hand-drawn second-year film..but put through the play-doh spaghetti machine of covid i started having a different relationship with myself, with my computer, with my computer-self.. and it morphed slowly and weirdly into wut it is i guess. i dont think i could recreate those circumstances if i tried lol. but yea im rambling too much so let me actually try to answer your question

so ya like i said its actually important and beneficial to borrow from other peoples works. i definitely have the privilege of going to art school to help with that cause i was exposed to a variety of different media and art and obscure films i probably wouldnt have seen otherwise. but i will say itll serve u well to branch out and look at art forms other than the one youre studying, even stuff that seems boring or not relevant. and combine the elements that inspire u the most and make something of ur own. some big inspirations that went into the melting pot early on were: the movie la selva oscura by carlos santa, the opening for the 1974 anime majokko megu-chan, the 1983 movie rock & rule, the matrix, movies by gregg araki, roberto rossellini, david lynch(sorry), elaine may, jonni phillips(to whom i owe so much), among many others; the animated series transformers: beast wars, sally cruikshank's quasi at the quackadero, the artworks of fernand leger and leopold survage (both part of the Cubist scene but had a conceptual interest in filmmaking)...... yeah i could go on for a really long time. (i guess i already did). if you look at this stuff you can probably see lots of elements of these things, in r1ct but it still ended up being something at least semi-original.. so yea go to the library look at art books watch old movies, find stuff u hate, find stuff u like. absorb shit and make shit. dont be afraid to do something way different than what youre used to. basically just go crazy

shoutout 2 any1 who managed to read through this whole thing LOL. i encourage you to check out at least one of the things or artists i mentioned here and yea.. thank you again:)i hope you can look forward to more works in the R1CT cinematic univere

[angeltreasure]

hi hello! ive been here for prayer requests a few times, thank you and bless you for answering them so graciously and kindly.

im here this time more for advice, if thats okay? im conflicted at the moment. i dont go to church anymore after a few bad experiences there, but i pray nightly and talk to Mary every time i have a few minutes spare in a day. i recently was gifted a statue of Her, and the comfort it has brought me is so so lovely. i say my prayers in front of Her every night now, on a little tabletop altar i made, and i speak to Her throughout the day. however, i cant help but feel guilty for not going to church and instead relying on Her divine intervention and grace for myself. i hope that makes sense? i still talk to God in my prayers, but i feel like im letting Him down by not going to church

Hello! Welcome back it’s always good to have you. Sure, you can ask and I’ll do my best to answer. You’re welcome!

First off, I want to say that I am so sorry that you had bad experiences with the church in the past. I know how bad a mass can be, and even how the people around can treat us in the pew despite being there for the same reason. It must be difficult. I am, however, glad you still pray! What a beautiful gift and prays you make. Prayer is what connects us to God. Please know I will keep you in my prayers.

Ok. Now let’s see what our faith officially says for your situation (disclaimer I am not a scholar, a Seminarian, or part of the clergy I am a lay person so this is my best quote I could think of)::

2042 The first precept (“You shall attend Mass on Sundays and on holy days of obligation and rest from servile labor”) requires the faithful to sanctify the day commemorating the Resurrection of the Lord as well as the principal liturgical feasts honoring the mysteries of the Lord, the Blessed Virgin Mary, and the saints; in the first place, by participating in the Eucharistic celebration, in which the Christian community is gathered, and by resting from those works and activities which could impede such a sanctification of these days.

The second precept (“You shall confess your sins at least once a year.”) ensures preparation for the Eucharist by the reception of the sacrament of reconciliation, which continues Baptism’s work of conversion and forgiveness.

The third precept (“You shall receive the sacrament of the Eucharist at least during the Easter season.”) guarantees as a minimum the reception of the Lord’s Body and Blood in connection with the Paschal feasts, the origin and center of the Christian liturgy. —- #2042 pages 548-549. Catechism of the Catholic Church Second Edition.

…..

You are required to come to Mass at a in person at minimum once a year. You know what I would do? I would go to a different Catholic Church you haven’t been in, don’t go back to the one(s) you had the bad experience in. You are not legally required to keep going to that church(es) that hurt you. Even if you need to travel, set a day one day out of the year. Sit in the back pews. You can practice what Mass will be like by watching videos of it on YouTube.

God alone knows your heart. He saw exactly what you went through and sees the pain you have. He isn’t disappointed in you, He loves you more than mom and dad because God is love. He sees how hard this has been for you and He is so patient, rich in mercy and kindness. He knows when you’re ready you’ll go back. For now, keep praying. You know what I would do? I would listen to Relevant Radio. Download their free app you can listen to it anywhere. They have a Mass you can listen to daily and have rich resources of prayers and past shows recorded for you to listen all you want about the faith. I listen to it just about every weekday, and I think it may be a great source of comfort for you in this season. I also recommend this ministry I found during Covid when they banned going to church, Word on Fire. Something else you can do, that helped me bring comfort, is watching The Chosen. Download their free app. It’s not specifically Catholic but it’s amazing I highly recommend it. It’s not a replacement for the Bible but it will help deepen your faith no matter how old you are. Another great resource to have is the USCCB. You don’t have to be American to use the USCCB but it’s interesting.

Take it day by day. Remember to make time for self care and prayer every day. You are loved.

[yourmoonmomma]

may I ask for a general view on how I might have appeared to people either before covid or around the time before lockdown? I swear every time I have tried to achieve something in life or even when I have been going out and about some people just look at me like im an such an odd weirdo like I do not belong in society, for instance they might have gossiped about me in a shop despite the fact I could hear them or on a bus is an other instance.

No one else seems to notice how odd it is but maybe I give off the wrong impression yet what might make others gossip about me so much? it has been that way since school, college you name it someone somewhere will have had a negative thought about me and chosen to judge me for some reason or other. like I could be out somewhere minding my business and someone might like a childish cunt towards me for no good reason or people might pretend to like me at first then end up not liking me or do I just do something wrong each time? sorry this is long but I have wanted to know this for awhile cause I have since given up on socialising since no one really gives me long enough of a chance for them to get to know me better or people might assume things about me that arent true.

Four of Wands - Well-accomplished. Something about you seem put-together and you had a focused, perhaps snobbish, energy about you. People would gossip more so out of jealousy, or confusion for why you were in whatever place, instead of a more established environment.

[solardick]

U I O

Mommy, I’m afraid. I’ve never said mommy before. I don’t want to go. Through another change. I don’t know anyone here. Everyone’s French. I’m always singled out. But- I don’t want to go.

God damned man. Yes, yes I am. Thanks for noticing. It’s rare in fleeting moments to see that from a passing stranger.

Everything is evil. There’s nothing in life for me.

Oh wait. There already is another girl. Lol. Like a transition girl. I liked the way she talked. Redhead. Which was already brought up a couple times. The forst time. I was like what? Why would i care? No whatevwr. Privably druged that coffee today. Hopenit doesnt keep me up all night. Sleep is the onyl time the world stops and there nothing. Intil i opne them again.

Maybe ho bsck to art instead of watching everyone in existsnce pretend to be someone they ate not. No human interaction at all. Since all my availibale social means arent very trustworthy are they.

And honestly. I dotn like redhead dna. Oh my god im - racist. Time ti take anothwr beating.

Naw man, i may look all sexy and manly and all. And i may look all smart and all to everyones spite. But now. Im actually just sma fully receptive woman. I have no cock. Im net here to f@&$. Im here to be fuckd. Learn to enjoy it. 39 years andcoubtibg. It never gonna be different. Buy a couple dildos. And get an anema bag. Shave head to toe. Body hair is a turn off and i want to be a sexy as i can. Make my man. Or men happy. Live a sacrificial life. And not build myself up. Just be fully sexual. No need to connect to anyone. I just need so e dick. With wahte ever they injected me with covid. Choice is mych taken away anyway. And i qant to feel proud of my accomplishments. Even if that means getting them off. I want to be thanked and encouraged. Too bad i cant bear you children. Im baren. Cause indotn have a womb. So inlose anyway. I cant hive that to you. And it makes me sad. They bette rhave huge cocks cause. Your pussy little 6 inch isnt enough. Do ‘t want uou being smallesr than me. That be a turn off. Since thats the onyl part that matter. The rets of it. Is just gross.

Was enjoying the experience of the feminine mentality. In a safe secure way. But then they raped my spyche.

Not like i have any experience being masculine in any other way than object placement. Not allowed to be. Just the destructive, evil side where “instinct” has full control. Sangerous stuff but whatever. I remember how i was. And it sickens my heart. There’s no control. Oh well im just a sick fuck that need to be fucked. Feed the desease. And not the cure. Thats all life has ever done. Sorry if i wanted soemthign different for once. To go with me “being on my own” away from degenerate violent sources coming from inside my own home. And shading everywhere else. I dont want to be alive anymore.

Yup. Ok.

Heres my “ new” identity. Im a total fag.

There going to keep doing this to me for the rest of my life aren’t they.

No, she back. The whole fucken shop is just fucken with me. What’s new? That’s all life is. Since my first memory.

Ill just keep doing wgat im doing until tgey fuck me back onto the street. Then hooefully ill have a rffle by tten that i can suck off until i blow my brains out.

I aint dealing with tjose ficken cocksuckers today. Give me a fuvken written punishment for heing abusef afain. Go for a walk and enjoy the sun.

Well ill have my IHF course completed soon enough. Takes a first step. And it gives me something to look forward to. A way out from being the devil’s bitch. Mmmnn the sun feels nice.

Go and treat myself. Sone lively dialogue with done pretty women. Sunshine. Well noy anymore. Cloudy. Pick up some more things. Wash my own back. It’ll be nice.

I walk in, there she is staring me down again. A guy, who abuses the term sans design or however its spelled. Your coffeees and ice cap or something. Because i carried it from timmy’s not in a thermos. Wasnt hot. Getting cool. Mostly drunk. Talking over and through her standing in between with her back tunerd only slightly showing the front. I pause. “ it will be once i get inside. Dudes hyped on speed getting straight to work while i calculate the sheet. And set up the work station. Already inside loading it up. Ok then. Helped the station beside me. Insulating rhe freezing from getting in. Poorly parked vans. Well im ready now. Lets go to work. Nope. Processing the mind rape games. Was left just standing around waiting. Getting more depressed by the minute. Sitting at the table. Dead. People wanted to see. So then ealked passed trying to be unassuming or whatever. But as soon as i got in and the office and saw me. Depressed. Gave a sigh of disappoitnemt. Like i should be in a good state. Yeah ok. Sure. So i left. I could barely function. I chose suicide.

What you fucken speedo. Getting mad at me cause im fucked. Yeah sure leave. Bye. Ill do the van myself. No? What your back? Who you gonna be positive and try and display a healthy bond. Ok. Thats cool. We can do that. But no. I was just left standing around. While not knowing the details about wtf? Crates? What you tlaking about. Ok ill just stand arounf for the next hour.

When it is enough, man. Or was i just born to be tossed around and damaged? 39 fucken years and counting.

Your nothing but a bad influence. Your nineties punk rock mentality. Negative associations to everything. Giving none smokers nicotine. Bitching about your cowerkers stupid bs. And then give them cigarettes. Your first approach to me was handing me a speed pill. I was flabergasted at what the fuck your were trying to do. Fist bump? Ok. No? What? Hand shake? Wtf? Ok. Oh your giving me somethign. Oh its drugs. Ok. Maybe one day if i ever needed it. Its cool that you chauffer me around. Even though i always insist that you didn’t. Thanks for the shit. Though. Its cool to have some furniture. And im polite and social with uou. But i dont like you.

Ill work with the dipshit. If he wasnt talkign about cocks and gay shit. Be militant.

There sidetracking accomplished. Stay the fuck away from everyone. Keep doing it till they toss you back int the sea again. You’d think that after all these years. Youd be a good swimmer. Naw. Inwas never a good swimmer. Its one of the only things i ever did poorly at. And and guitar. Lyricsl notes are beyond me.

And they’re never going to stop fucken with you. It’s for life. Born in hell. Tortured all the way through. Parent just equal violence. Brothers just equal violence. I apparently just equal sex. Theres no parents there. Just a fool for a father. Childlike. Being the youngest of a sized family. Temper tantrums and absence. Or stupid jokes. Like im a still baby. Mother is unstable. Freaking the fuck out in fits of bs. Never known a stable things. Homes, schools, jobs. Threats. Always threats. Growing in an oppression. Keep things to myself. The external always. Its always. I yeah. Nursery rhymes are olaying. You auto corrected to olaying.

[mental-health-advice]

Hii I’m not sure if I should be asking for help with this but I don’t know what to do sorry if this turns into a vent. Since covid hit and I finished last year of college I don’t leave my house I don’t like the thought of it I’ve had anxiety about public busses but got better before everything happened but now it’s like before,sometimes I’ll just distance myself from everyone and I won’t respond till it’s passed I feel like somethings wrong with me but I don’t know what it is, im tired of my sister making comments at me, I’m trying to find a job that I know I can do but it’s hard and it makes me feel worse. Sorry this turned kinda long

Hey there,

It’s completely OK to reach out to us or anyone really for some extra help and support about anything that is on your mind or are struggling with or facing in life.

Taking public transport can be hard for a lot of people for a range of different reasons, and it’s great that in the past you have felt comfortable with taking public buses – I don’t know if I could be that brave!

Since the beginning of covid arising it has affected a lot of people in different ways. Do you feel as though there may be a connection between covid and then having great anxiety around taking the public bus? Maybe subconsciously you were afraid of getting covid yourself and this is what brought the anxiety back? Just a thought.

In regards to not being able to leave your house since finishing college (well done by the way) could this be related to again covid but also not knowing where to go to from here. So for example, maybe finishing college didn’t lead you to work in your preferred job and this has made you feel sad and/ or depressed, leading you to not being able to leave the house? These are just assumptions too by the way so I could be completely wrong!

It can be so hard to get ourselves back on track after having a set back like anxiety returning and it can affect us all differently, including with not getting back or relying to people’s messages till long after the fact or just distancing ourselves from them to begin with. Perhaps it would be helpful to think back to how you overcame your anxiety in the past? It may also be helpful to seek some professional help from a counsellor or therapist to talk about ways you can work through your anxieties and anything else you may be struggling with at the moment.

Finding a job can be incredibly hard, and especially trying to sift through all of the jobs that are available then working through those to find which ones we would be able to do/ what is best suited to us. I’m sorry that your sister is making comments to you, but perhaps reminding her that you are trying your best right now will be enough for her to leave you alone? Just a thought!

Just try to take things each day as they come and be kind to yourself. Try to remind yourself that yes, sometimes people can make some not very nice comments to us, but these comments are not us, yes, they can hurt, but they are just words in the end. As long as you are doing the very best you can be then this is all that matters in the end!

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

[confidencebreedsbeauty]

2119 By:Dacey Harris

Chapter1: pinch poke you own me a coke

It has been a century since covid 19. I have heard many stories from my grandmother how it was one of the worst virus ever to appear. It was much worse than the flu. There were gas, power, food,water shortages. Gas was used to power cars and other machinery. " Could you imagine standing outside of your car to refuel it ?" Sounds like a problem if you ask me. Since Elon Musk became president things became even more interesting and complicated. Everything went from gasoline to electric he even discovered new planets!  We finally invented Voyage 3, then he put V3 on a newly discovered planet . He's even built an amazing new space station ("more advanced than the old ISS if you ask me ".)  The new ISS2 , or the Axiom is supposed next level futuristic. President said "gravity will be there, attached is a luxury condo!" First condo in space ! Trust me I know what you're thinking  " sounds cool , right?"

Ever since Biden got in office everything went down hill from there. But like everyone says time heals all wounds. Your also wondering if trump got reelected? He did, and the time he was given in office was very successful. The fight with Russia and Ukraine had subsided and created a treaty. It was also the year Covid19 dissipated. Everything else since then has been great. But covid19 came back! Stronger and deadlier then before. "So you mean to tell me you was there for covid19?"Implied the little girl. Dean sighs and takes a deep breathe  "yes indeed, it's a time we will all never forget." And here's how it all began..... "I was 17 years old I was a senior in high school...."

"Dean?"....."Dean?"......"DEAN ANDERSON"!!!!! Dean woke up in a fret.

"Huh, the answer is 62". he mumbled. The class bust out with laughter.

"Dean, this is the third time this week falling asleep in class? What's going on?" Mrs. Johnson said worriedly.

"Nothing, just been busy that is all."

"Okay, just please don't let it happen again and gets some rest tonight"

"Yes ma'am"

"Okay back to what I was saying, we have a school science fair coming up, I hope you all have found a partner and decided what your doing this year....

"DRRRRIIINNNG" "Class don't forget to turn in what your project is for the science fair so I can approve it and your partners, You all have a great afternoon see y'all Monday!"

"Dean!!, wait up man." As he rustled his books together he catches up to speed with Dean.

"Have you come with anything we can do for the science fair?" He implied.

"Trevor, have you came up with thought to leave me the hell alone." "Look sorry man I'm exhausted, I been up all night." "Im still trying to figure out what we can do, we will figure out over the weekend."

Trevor smirked "it's okay, I be tired too if I was thinking about Veronica all night."he replied as he nudged Dean.

"I wasn't thinking about Veronica all night!!!, I was thinking about how... how....

"Ah cat got your tongue?"

"No!!.... FINE!!, maybe I was,I can't help she has beautiful brown hair and brown eyes." She's just perfect."

"I knew it", why don't you go and try to. Talk to her?" Trevor puts his books in his locker and closes it.

"Heyyyy what's cracka-lackin losers?"

"Ahh Evelyn, I need your opinion on something?"

"What you got?"

"Don't you think Dean should just suck up his fears and go talk to Veronica? ,What's your opinions about her?" Evelyn crosses her arms and looks at Dean then finds Veronica at her locker. She pans back to Trevor.

"I think she's a know it all and is an entitled brat."

"Cmon Evelyn be nice she's not all that bad."Dean rolled his eyes.

"Okay, has she ever came up to you and talked to you and not pretended your invisible?"

"Well yeah?!" Dean said sarcastically.

"She told me this one time to Borrow my mechanical pencil!"

Trevor and Evelyn looked at each other.

"That doesn't count" they both implied.

"PINCH POKE YOU OWE ME A COKE!!" Yelled Evelyn.

"Y'all are crazy, Veronica is gonna be mine someday, I may even ask her to prom!"

"As if, you can barely hold a conversation with her about a pencil let alone talk to her about going to prom?" Sighed Evelyn. Dean closes his locker.

"We should probably go we need to catch the bus before they leave, Trevor you still coming over tonight?"

"Yeah man, got to do a few chores before I can leave tho."

"Alright, text me." "Come on Evelyn if we don't go now we're gonna miss the bus."

"Waiting on you hotshot."

Me and Trevor have always been the best of friends since kindergarten. Just the two of us. Well was the two of us till Evelyn came along. Now it's three of us and that's how it's been for the past 11 years. After school we all mostly go on bike rides and explore. One day we were out exploring and we found a tree house, And that was the birth of our new hangout spot. Now everyday after school that's where we meet, hangout and chill. All three of us is into science. Love science! To be exact we love outer space. It's mostly what we do on our free time, gazing through the telescope looking at the stars. We also have high tech equipment, don't ask how we got it, just know we have it. We love tracking asteroids, and even search for rogue planets, black holes, dark matter Etc. in hopes that we could make our own discovery one day. But this one night in particular was only the start of what was about to come.

"Evelyn!!!...Trevor!!! You got to come look at this!!!"

"What does this mean?" She inquired.

"What in the hell!" Shouted Trevor

"I don't know what it means but we're going to figure it out."

[atsuwiee]

Hello.

Ive seen you've made twisted wonderland content!

I dont know how much character i can request but im gonna request my 2 fav character

Could you make malleus and lilia with fem! Reader (separately) that got covid in her world but doesn't told the 2 of them so the reader has been back to her world but manage to find out how to keep in contact, and a few months after that its supposed to be the time where the reader is going to be back to twisted wonderland, all of the people are waiting in the hall of mirror for their long close friends but what did they dont know that what came isn't the reader they wanted,the thing that go through the mirror is a video (the reader alr slipped the camera to the mirror so when the mirror is open the camera can be thrown to the mirror itself) contains the reader explaining that she can't go in there or met all of them especially lilia and malleus, she told the truth that she got a virus called covid that is deadly and has been in her world for quiet sometimes, and she said this video has been made after she got covid, just in case that she will lost her life. The others felt sad and scared at the same time to lose their beloved friends but how about malleus and lilia? What would their reaction be when they already prepared a bouquet of favorite flowers with ring to proposed to her?

Hehe angst is everything✨

Btw its nice meeting another twst writer!!

malleus and lilia when their s/o doesn’t come back due to covid

pairings: malleus x fem! reader, lilia x fem! reader genre: angst

warnings: mentions of covid, grammatical errors, not proofread xian’s note: IM SORRY IF THIS TOOK LONG SCHOOL IS PRETTY HECTIC JKJHKJDH anyways enjoy!!! (im sorry for the lack of dialogue in this T_T)

MALLEUS DRACONIA

malleus and the others wait patiently for your return, but he couldn’t help feeling nervous, fidgeting with the box he was holding. malleus was beyond excited because he knows he’s finally going to see you the second time, but as minutes passed the people in the mirror chamber grew concern and worried to why you weren’t stepping out of the mirror yet. as the mirror glowed malleus expected to see you, but no, the mirror showed something else. it showed a video of you explaining the situation you are in. “i am afraid i may not be back there soon, but i promise you all that once i get better i will be able to” you say and the video ends. malleus felt his heart ache for you, maybe not from disappointment but from worry. he wanted to run through that mirror just to make sure you’re doing alright right now. “maybe next time, hm?” lilia tells him as he looked at the gift malleus had for you. “of course” malleus mutters as he opened the box to show a ring for you.

LILIA VANROUGE

lilia anticipated your arrival along with your friends, with his hand holding the flowers you love. though when the mirror glowed it didn’t show you, but it was just a video. it was a video of you apologizing that you couldn’t go there due to the current situation. lilia felt concern and worry all over him. “will she be okay?” lilia asked and malleus heard it. “y/n is strong, i know she can” malleus says as lilia nods. he sighs, “well i guess i have to take care of these flowers again” he says with a small smile and returns to his dorm. though he didn’t see you now, he know you’ll come back.

[awigglycultist]

hey quick question, i wanna get into watchers content, but im not sure where to start. too many spirits looks like a fun show where they just drink and tell stories, are you scared kinda looks cool, puppet history looks great, esp since i saw the last ep after i saw the hype and really enjoyed it, and there may be something else im forgetting, so what do you reccommend i do first?

OH SHIT SORRY JUST SAW THIS IDK WHEN YOU SENT IT

Okay so yeah there's a lot of Watcher shows and they're all great so I'll give a little break down of each so you hopefully decide based off what kind of stuff you like most, then I'll list my favorites

This will be in order of when the first ep of the series was uploaded:

Puppet History: it's a history show! And Shane Madej plays as a puppet called The Professor who teaches history the guests. Ryan Bergara is always a guest every episode, then theres one other person who will come onto the show as a guest, Ryan and the guest compete to answer questions throughout the show and who ever wins becomes History Master and gets the coveted history cup. Ryan never wins and becomes nemesis with The Professor. There's also songs each episode! And they're very fun! Also there's lore and it's insane. It has 4 seasons, 27 eps, and I would say is Watcher's most popular show, there will be many more seasons of this I'm sure. If you like history, songs and mysterious lore, then this is the show for you.

Watcher Weekly: This show was a weekly talk show that happened every Wednesday where the boys would talk about the lasted thing uploaded, what would be uploaded next, and would play some games or talk about random stuff. It's no longer going on, it had 39 episodes. If you wanna watch the boys talk more about bts and also see the boys just talking and stuff, then check this out.

Spooky Small Talk: Ryan goes into a haunted house (at Knotts Scary Farms) with a guest and interview them. Very fun learning about more these people and seeing them and Ryan get scared, or in Shane's case somehow not flich even a centimeter, at the same time. It only had 1 season, 4 eps, and its one of the less popular shows, and it's probably not likely to make a return, at least not soon. However if you like watching ppl get scared and talk about their life then maybe watch it.

Weird Wonderful World: Shane finds fun places to go and takes Ryan along with him. Super fun show of Shane and Ryan just going places and having fun. It's 2 seasons with 9 eps in total. It stopped due to covid but it was popular show so I'd say it'll hopefully return one day (I least I really really hope so I miss it alot).

Homemade: Steven Lim and sometimes a guest go to a restaurant and learn how to make a food from there, then they go to someones home and learn how their family makes the same food and then decide wether the restaurant or the homemade version is better. Great show if you wanna learn more about food and also if you wanna more chill show. Unfortunately it only has 1 season of 4 eps (it deserves more, I want this show back, I miss it okay).

Top 5 Beatdown: Shane, Ryan and guest(s) talk about their top 5s on random, meaningless topics. Basically 3 people, mainly Shane and Ryan, auguring for 20 mins, it's very fun. It has 2 seasons, with 10 eps, and I also miss this show and am waiting for its return.

Grocery Run: Steven and guest go to a grocery store, vibe and talk to each other, buy a bunch of food, Steven pays for it, and then they go home and the guest has to use those groceries to cook for Steven. Another pretty chill show. Also 1 season of 4 eps.

SD&D&D: short for Social Distancing and Dungeons and Dragons. This started when covid started ofc. Shane, Ryan, Steven and Katie LeBlanc play D&D and its very fun. Shane's the DM, Ryan, Steven and Katie's characters are extremely fun. It's 1 season with 8 episodes. I miss this show so damn much. If you like D&D check it out.

Are You Scared?: Ryan reads spooky stories to Shane. If you like horror you'll like this. And there's also awesome art to go along with the story. Great mix of scaryness and jokes & having fun between Ryan and Shane. For the first two seasons some of the stories were false, some were true, and the two would guess which it was. But now they're all fake. It's 4 seasons with 24 total eps.

Too Many Spirits: Steven makes alcoholic drinks, Ryan and Shane drink them and read spooky stories sent in by the audience. It's a very fun and chaotic show. Steven's bartending is insane and he seems drunk despite not drinking in the show. Ryan and Shane get drunk and ofc thats hilarious. The stories that are sent are also very funny. If you like chaos then this one you'll want to watch.

Dish Granted: Steven asks someone what their dream dish would be. Then he has 24 hours to make the perfect dream dish for them. It's fun and Steven is pretty chaotic and very stressed in the show, but then it's very sweet at the end when we get to watch the guest eat the dish.

There's also the one off Tourist Trapped: Shane and Ryan go to LA and Ryan takes them around to tourist attractions and Shane takes them to hidden gems. They were hoping that this would become a series but they couldn't immediately make it into a series due to money and then ofc covid happen which really ruined the chance of it happening. Which is really unfortunate cause the episode that they did make is really great, it's super fun and wholesome.

Oh and ofc finally: theres the upcoming Ghost Files, aka Buzzfeed Unsolved (Watcher's Version) aka Shane and Ryan quit Buzzfeed and then made their own ghost hunting show. But ofc this won't be out til 2022, but without it even being out yet we all already know this is gonna be a great show when it comes out.

Now finally my own personal favs: Puppet History, Too Many Spirits, Are You Scared?, Werid Wonderful World, Dish Granted. But really all of the shows a great and worth checking out.

[qui-02]

Hi there! How r u? This is my first time dropping an ask in your requests box💞 may I ask for hcs of sero and shinsou reacting to their fem!s/o catching Covid-19? (bc this is actually what Im going through rn!! My body feels dead and Im struggling to catch my breath😾Im not scared tho;D). I totally understand if u can’t write this or anything else, you can ignore it. Just pray that I can make it out alive & safely 😂

How MHA boys react to you getting COVID-19/sick and how they help you get through it

Characters: Shinsou, Sero, Deku and Bakugou

Note: Salutttttttt ;) get better soon!!! I’m sorry that you are having to go through this but don’t worry about everything you will be just fine as long as you stay calm and positive! Also follow the doc suggestions and tips to get better soon!

He knew all the basic stuff like the symptoms and stuff like that but once he sees you struggling to do simple things he realizes that Covid/sickness that you have ain’t a simple cold. He got really really anxious and stressed about this. His biggest fear is for you to get really sick and needing to end up in the hospital were who knows what they will do to you.

He prefers for you to stay in the apartment/home we’re he knows what is happening to you 24/7

He begins to do some research because he wants to help you recover as fast as possible but he also wants to stay safe, he doesn’t s want to catch the virus/sickness nor you want to pass him the virus/sickness.

He brings you snacks a hoping that they will encourage you to eat something. If you neglect eating he will FORCE you to eat he also does the same if you don’t want to drink water,lol. He just wants to be able to see you healthy once again. “Y/N you need to eat babe, if you don’t eat you won’t get any better… EAT THE FOOD THAT I KINDLY BROUGHT YOU!! Baby just do it. I know it doesn’t taste like anything but I just want you to get better so I can hug you and give you cuddles while we watch a movie on the couch.”

Since you have trouble catching your breath he texts you if you need something. That became the source of communication for both of you. Almost every 5 minutes he sends you a message saying “Heyy beautiful.you ok? You need anything?” He is so cute. He also tells you about his day and sends you memes hoping that they will cheer you up.

Tries to remain calm but is panicking. He became stressed and his sleep schedule got even worse because of the constant checking in you to see if you are breathing properly and checking your temperature at night. Also he has trouble sleeping because you aren’t next to him at the bed anymore, he struggling without your cuddles.

But besides that he does a good job taking care of you. He gives you your medicine on time, checks your temperature, feeds you and makes sure that you eat and stay hydrated and stays in contact with your doctor just in case anything happens.

Same as Sero,he sends you text messages to check on you and ofc funny cat videos, we all know that he loves his cat videos. Besides texting you he stands next to your door and talks to you, always keeping a safe distance and his mask on. “Hey kitten, you doing ok? I just woke up from a small nap, it’s hard sleeping without you, it feels weird. Hopefully you get better soon. Did you see the cat videos that I sent you earlier? I thought that you might like them. Can’t wait till you get better, send me a text if you need anything ok? I love you”

He so nice!!! I love him.

Omg he is panicking but calms down. Probably the best one to take care of you. He is so extra and informed about Covid/sickness that you have.

He makes sure to look ad articles about Covid/sickness to be more informed about what is happening to your health. He also talks with the doctor if he has any concerns or if you have any pain or new symptoms . He reads people’s experience with the sickness to see if what worked for them will work for you.

He asks you a lot of questions while you are sick because he is so worried. He just wants to make sure that he is taking care of you properly and that you are comfortable.

He makes sure that you take your pills. If you don’t want to eat he will encourage you to eat telling you that it’s for your own good. He might ask his mom to make you a pig cutlet bowl,lol. “Hey puppy! I got you a pig cutlet bowl, my mom made it so hopefully you like this as much as I do. Common baby, you need to eat so you get strong and healthy again. Have you drank any water? Here, you need to drink water. Did you know that most people with Covid/sickness are dehydrated because it’s a common symptom? We don’t want you to be dehydrated so drink up.Also All Might told me to tell you that he wishes you to get better soon”

He is so concerned about you that he goes to your room at midnight to see if you are doing well… he wakes up at midnight just for you because he loves you and dose want anything bad to happen to you dimekdkeksjwkjdjejdjeiej!!! HE IS SO CUTE!

He is ok at taking care of you. He does very nice things for you when you are sick but also not really nice ones.

He makes sure that you take your medicine on time and that you are comfortable 24/7. For some reason I see him angrily shoving the medicine down your throat if you don’t want to take it because it tastes terrible,lol.

He sticks to what the doctor says most of the time. If the doctor thinks that is best for you to be at the hospital he will get so stern and possessive of you. Nobody is going to take you away from him. He doesn’t know if they will be even taking good care of you and besides hospital food isn’t that delicious.

Taking about food he will cook for you. He makes sure that what he is feeding you is full of nutrients that will help your body.He is certain that you will eat his food because he knows he can cook well. If you tell him that you don’t want to eat because you can’t taste anything he will go mad. “Huh? What do you mean you don’t want to it? You better eat all of the food,ok? When I come back this plate must be clean ok idiot?!! He slams the door when he walks out so you immediately start swallowing down his food because he will go insane if you don’t. Besides you know he is doing this because he cares for you, he just wants you to be healthy. “See I knew you would eat if I was blew up on you. I know it must be hard going through all of this but I just want the best for you ok? I know I don’t say it often but I love you and you better get over that dumbass Covid/sickness thing that you have so we can spend time together again like we used to do”

Awwww. It’s moments like this that you know that Bakugou loves you with all his heart.

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