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gotta-winwin · 2 days ago

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OT13 Reaction -- when you're injured

SCOUPS:

he's speeding you to the hospital no matter how small the injury is. will lowkey make a big deal out of something as tiny as a cut. scolds you for not telling him sooner and for putting yourself in harms way. coddles you once you're home, refusing to let you touch a single piece of housework. he'll mother hen over you for at least a couple days before he accepts you're ready to be independent once again.

JEONGHAN:

laughs. (im so sorry) he will 100% start cackling first before he asks if you're okay. makes fun of you as he takes care of you and reenacts the moment for your viewing pleasure. scolds you for being so clumsy and will baby you as you recover.

JOSHUA:

the type of immediately jump into action. the moment you cry out in pain or he sees you falling, he's by your side as if he's teleported. holds you as he checks your injury, fussing over it and asking if you need to go to the hospital. will take you anyways even if you say no. holds your hand the whole time. tells you to be more careful cause he doesn't like seeing you in any sort of pain.

JUN:

if it's a particularly funny way you injury yourself, he'll eat that shit up. is too busy laughing to check if you're okay until you start crying and he'll be like oh shit it's real okay let me lock in. extra attentive once he realizes its serious.

HOSHI:

the type to let out a loud scream when he sees you go down with an injury - you'd think he was the one in pain. he wants to help, he swears - but he's just as lost as you are. the only thing he knows is to take you to the hospital for professionals to help you since he can't.

WONWOO:

is immediately playing doctor with the random bits of knowledge he's gained on the medical side of tiktok (why he's on the medical side of tiktok idk). he's meticulous and precise with it, taking care of you like it's his profession. will crack a few jokes (albeit quite poor jokes) to try and cheer you up. reads to you as you try to fall asleep, his attempt at distracting you from the pain.

WOOZI:

realistically, woozi hears about your injury over the phone. he's at work in his studio cooking up another massive banger, and isn't fazed when he picks up your call. you tend to call him at least twice to make sure he's eating anyways. worried when you tell him what happened and asks if you need him there with you. either way, he's packing up to leave asap, no longer in the mindset to work knowing you're in pain.

MINGHAO:

if your injury was your own fault, he'll look at you like: (¬_¬") he's sighing at your clumsiness and you can hear the disappointment as he tends to your injury, all the while nagging about how you've got to be more careful. calls his mom to ask which herbal medicine will fix you faster - jokingly comes back with ginseng tea, telling you its to fix your clumsy ass brain.

DK:

screeches when he sees you drop. gags at the sight of blood. he approaches you slowly, hands shaking to check if you're okay. he's inwardly very panicked and lowkey not hiding it well. this wasn't in the boyfriend handbook! he's ready to be there for you though, cheering you up with funny anecdotes about him and the boys, doing his best to make you laugh through the pain. he will do anything you need him to during recovery -- just far from blood and anything icky that might come with it.

MINGYU:

lowkey probably the cause of the injury (sorry gyu stans, yk i'm right tho) he apologizes profusely, stating that he is 'just a clumsy big boy' and cannot help that he just has a rougher hand with things. makes it up to you with snacks, cooking and cuddles. allows you to use this incident against him till the end of time, although he gets sulky every time you bring it up.

SEUNGKWAN:

complains that he's got to take care of you but does it lovingly anyways. "i'm doing this cause i love you. you're lucky i love you or i would've left you suffering ages ago." gives you that signature seungkwan side eye if the injury was your fault. chides you to be more careful.

VERNON:

his first instinct is to ease the pain with bad jokes. will ask you if you'd wanted it to happen 'is this the result you wanted, baby?' and will quickly stfu when you glare at him. follows your orders on how to take care of you cause he's lowkey very lost. puts on a movie once everything is done to help you relax and to take your mind off the pain.

DINO:

ya'll 100% were doing something stupid and got injured together. dino has that 'you say jump, i say how high' energy, and you're definitely both in pain because one of you was doing something for jokes and the other joined for fun. takes care of you while complaining about his own pain. is a big baby when its your turn to take care of him. tells you to never bring this up to his hyungs or else he will never hear the end of it.

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marblerose-rue · 6 months ago

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braixen

(request)

#my art #pokemon #braixen #pkmn #starter pokemon #YAAAAY only took like 8 days working on off and on WHBDFJKHGB i reworked the pose a bunch #and im really happy with how it came out!!! i may have gone overboard with the shading but thats ok bc i had fun #when i was trying to figure out the fire i accidentally deleted the lining and i did not notice that i did that. so when i went to see if i #could get it back. i could not. so i had to redo the lining HAHA really annoying but its ok bc i still had the sketch and the coloring #using this as a segue to talk about my delphox lucky. my first non handmedown pokemon game was x #so it was a really big deal for me right. i was ten. i picked fennekin [i usually go for the grass starters but fennekin is one of the #exceptions to this] and to my delight my fennekin was a female. and to me that was the luckiest thing ever so i obviously named her lucky #i got her to max happiness and she was the first pokemon i leveled up to lvl 100 without cheating #the fennekin line will always have a soft spot in my heart and i will always include a female delphox named lucky in my dream team lineup

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luck-of-the-drawings · 6 months ago

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when i was in highschool one o my biggest coping mechanisms was drawing all the kids i hated getting killed and eaten and killed. and well. time is a slowly ascending spiral. you will find patterns.(i work as a blackjack dealer. gamblers are FASCINATING

#cw blood #luckys original content #ITS SMALL BUT ITS ART SO IT GOES ON THE ART BLOG #also wwaooooww its meee its my lil persona!!! i dont draw myself enough....#anyway i have bigger things in the works. im slowly but surely chipping away at a pd thumbnail for that pd thumbnail project #FINALLY COLORING. BUT COLORING IS SO HARD AND I HAVNT BEEN IN THE COLORING MOOD #SO IVE JUST BEEN MAKING RLY DUMB COMICS INSTEAD... OOPS..#idk if anything finished n polished will be posted here anytime soon. BUT i post wips of everything on my twitter #and i post jrwi exclusive wips on my slucky blog. you may look at those if u have Truck Art Wishdrawls. as many do. as many do #THIS BLACKJACK JOB IS RLY AWESOME BTW DONT GET ME WRONG #i work three 12-hour days ina row. i gotta take an hourlong bus up to the depths o the mountains and then #i get to stay in this delightful lil hotel that was built in an ooold hospital. its a whole casino town. and an OLD one at that #ITS GORGEOUS HERE. last week my bus home was delayed for 2 hours #so i finally got the chance to head to other casinos and try drinkin n gambling. lost ten bucks to a pretty girl. NOT the first time #i rlly wanna try it again!!! i love interracting w ppl and i love being inebriated in public bc im just so sweet and pleasant and friendly #and pretty girls LLOOOOVEE MEEEEE i think i just need to go to gay bars more #but theres fucking NONE HERE. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im collectin comrade queers up here tho #we wanna make a Group but we just gotta come up witha name first. i need something weird and strange #yknow i remember being in highschool. and being miserable n unmedicated. my mommas ultimatum was that;#if i dont drop out of highschool; i dont need to move out. she probably wouldntve kicked me out anyway bc my mommas sweet like that but #she REALLY wanted me to graduate. and i remember dreading that i might never do that #i remember feeling like the Resident Idiot. sweet but so so fucking dumb. it took me 7 years of strife n stress before i finally graduated #i remember worrying back then that i might not ever be able to handle myself out there. that i'd be too dependant on others #AND HERE I AM. DID U KNOW I WAS LOOKIN AT HOUSES A WHILE AGO? IM AN ADULT AND IM WWINNINNNGGGGGGG #IM RUNNING OUTA ROOM BUT HERES MY ADVICE TO YOU. BC I KNOW UR FUCKING SCARED TOO. THE ONE THING THAT SAVED ME.#THAT KEPT ME FROM SINKING INTO DESPAIR IS REMEMBERING ONE THING: ITS LITERALLY JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES #MOST PPL YOU CAN JUST WALK UP TO N ASK A QUESTION N THEYLL ANSWER. THEYRE ALL NPCS THEYRE NOT REAL #LIKE IF U WALK INTO A BANK AND ASK HOW A DEBIT CARD WORKS THEY WILL HELP YOU #AND IF YOU THINK THEY HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES RELATING TO MONEY. YOU CAN ASK THE CUSTOMERS TOO. ITS JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES #ANYWAY STAY SAFE KIDS HAVE FUNNNNN. IM GOING TO GO DO DRUGS NOW. HOPE U CAN DO DRUGS SOON TOO. I LOVE YOU

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opens-up-4-nobody · 9 months ago

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...

#thinking about death again bc my dad texted an update on my mum #apparently she got a blood transfusion and threw up. thrilling stuff. but it just nudges at my head #bc it just makes me think. when shes gone its going to leave a trace. the outline of a person #i dont kno why i find that so upsetting. i just think about all the half completed scrapbooks that will whither away in my sisters old room #and it makes me cry. shell leave behind her incomplete scrapbooks. half tumbled rocks. containers of sea glass and lucky stones. digital #conversation thatll never be responded to. shoes and clothes #and memories. evidence of of a life no longer there to live it #and it just makes me sad i guess. i dunno. theres something sad about a project that will never be finished #a project doomed to be forgotten because it was only ever in the care of one person #but thats how it goes. what is is. nothing to be done about it but feel that sadness #i dunno. my head is full of static and frustration for unrelated reasons #but death pokes at my head during the day and i lose my already unsteady focus in an effort not to cry #im tired and sad and wishing my medication was working better #shes not even dead yet. im pulling a roman r0y and pre grieving. except for reals #unrelated

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an-assortment-of-forks · 10 months ago

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there are doctors there are hospitals there are specialists there is medicine there are systems in place so people do not have to suffer and be tortured under their own chronic pain daily and yet. they're all fucking inaccessible to the people who need it most!!! to what I would argue is most disabled people!! I'm so fucking done with the medical system.

#today is an absolutely wretched pain day that makes me want to not be here anymore but guess what!#wasted a whole year trying to convince my doctors I was in significant and disableing pain daily and the best they could do #is tell me to go to PT and to wait 6 months and tell them if it gets better #to prescribe some shit like gabapentin or otc pain meds and write me off #tell me they'll get new X-rays to see if it got worse by the summer #disability exists!! specialists exist! good doctors fucking exist!! somewhere!!! I'm sure!!#but here I sit. in excruciating amounts of pain unable to convince any fucking doctors of anything #and that year I spent pushing myself to the limit is wasted bc at the very end of it all only one guy listened to me #and he said no one in their giant ass facility could diagnose me #so I'm back to square one bc I got a new job which means new insurance and new doctors to try and convince again #I just want to be on disability so i can want to be alive again #I'm so frustrated and in pain constantly #what are people like me who have to work 40hrs to afford to live but don't have any family to rely on supposed to do??#just die? am i supposed to continue to work until im too disabled to move and be profitable unless i get lucky?#bc some fucking doctor finally decides to actually listen???#ive tried ALL THE DAMN TRICKS TOO. telling them a friend has it and thats how i found out. that my previous doctor was looking into it #etc etc #I'm SO done living like this i am exhausted.#and to know that i COULD BE HELPED. RIGHT NOW. is the worst fucking part #these systems are in place so people like me dont have to fucking suffer.#but i cant even do anything about it bc i have a cat.

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saeshiraw · 1 year ago

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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

#tw rant #studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not #its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels #so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday #i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me #n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone #yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my #friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep #of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle #but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today #i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts #and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics #just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people #im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier #im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk #and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know #but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac #h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe #ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch #people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and #seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want #are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to #spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was #i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next #“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes #me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good #but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im #intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout #but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone

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britneyshakespeare · 1 day ago

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I can't believe the Younger Brother (1689) by Aphra Behn has the only one bed trope

#act iv scene i #olivia is in disguise as mirtilla's page endimion and she's wooing welborn on her own behalf #and welborn is like well im hosting a gentleman in my lodgings right now but u can sleep w me #and olivia is like uhmmm uhmmm i can't do that not for any particular reason i just can't sleep in ur bed #(bc she's modest but she is kinda tempted. but also worried if she denies too hard he might suspect her of being actually a woman)#and he's like what are you afraid my bed's diseased? do u think im gay? im telling u there's nowhere else for us both to sleep #im not gonna make u sleep on the floor kid #PLEASE #the younger brother might be one of my new favorites from behn. i haven't finished it yet but it kinda has everything i love from her #mirtilla in particular is such an interesting character #text post #aphra behn #restoration comedy #in the edition edited by janet todd for vol. 7 of the collected works #i believe it's based off of the original quarto text that was published after behn's death #i highly suspect a lot of this prose dialogue is supposed to be blank verse #SO. MUCH. of it flows exactly like blank verse. it kinda bothers me #i do dream about editing and publishing my own edition of behn's plays and i would definitely amend these to be verse #i wonder if montague summers' version is verse? idk this is the first janet todd edited play ive read #i dont yet know the differences between their editing styles #god i wish more than 2 ppl in history had ever bothered to edit and publish this woman's collected works #oxford world classics should definitely put out another volume of her plays #i love the one they have featuring the rover/feigned courtesans/lucky chance/emperor of the moon #but she's got what like 15 other extant plays? and oxford world classics has the range and capabilities to do it #or if penguin classics ever wants to pretend they're really as good as oxford they can print their own #as far as diversifying the canon and widening the availability of older texts. oxford still beats penguin any day #but it does piss me off that no classic book publishers take this period of early-modern women's drama and proto-novels very seriously #or rather. no big ones that i know other than oxford #im not counting print-on-demand companies that reprint the texts of public domain works w no editing #those serve a purpose but those are not leaders in the publishing industry for a reason. theyre not sposta be

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jayswing101 · 1 day ago

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ᐃᖃᓗᐃᑦ，ᓄᓇᕗᑦ — Iqaluit, Nunavut

September 30th to October 5th, 2024

#iqaluit #nunavut #photography #still thinking about iqaluit and how beautiful it is there #im so so lucky i got to there for work and one day i will make it back and travel there just for fun #there's so much art everywhere in the streets which is super cool to see #and i wish i could've spent more time appreciating that art #(and also more time out on the land and by the water)#it was also so cool talking with local Inuit at Iqaluit Kuunga who were there picking berries and getting water from the river #they shared some wild blueberries and arctic cranberries with me #and told me so much about all the plant life growing in the arctic tundra around Iqaluit Kuunga #it was so cool and we got to talk about the ways that turf is used traditionally by Inuit vs how turf is used in ireland #which we all found super interesting bc there's some similarities but also some major differences #anyways. it was an amazing experience and i loved Iqaluit so much and i would 10/10 recommend visiting #i do wish we'd gotten a chance to try more country foods tho

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guinevereslancelot · 6 days ago

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just wrapped the first christmas present of the year ❤️

#for my friend who hates presents of course 😂#its the stupid teddy bear onesie he has magically instantly putgrown BOTH the previous times i got him one it fit him for like a week 😤#so i got it in the next two sizes up and that's that!!!!#babies grow so fast wtf never buy clothes as a present for a baby that's all i can say #but i can't accept defeat so here we go #his mom will appreciate it even tho she doesn't like getting presents tho lol #and its insane to give christmas presents before thanksgiving but for all i know this baby is gonna outgrow them both by then #i literally bought the size 9-12 months like last month #i ordered it immediately after his mom told me she THOUGHT HE WOULD BE IN THAT SIZE SOON #and it was already too toght on him when it arrived a week later 😭#so now i got size 12-18 and size 18-24 this baby's gonna be cozy this winter or else!!!#i cannot afford this btw #the original onesie was pretty cheap it was o. sale for like $17 but then i bought it twice #and the size maxed out at 9-12 months #so i had to upgrade to a toddler one and it was $22 and i got two of them again plus shipping #and i only make 14 dollars an hour and i'm lucky to work even two days a week at my new job lol #im putting off getting a second job until after i cover a coworkers maternity keave in feb tho bc then i def would be full time #for at least 6 weeks #and its possible she might decide not to come back or another aide would leave by then #so i might have an opportunity to be full time by then ir at least close to that #anyway #no money november fr 😔#just realized my tags are confusing my friend is the mom not the baby 😂#she's the one who gates receiving gifts bc she feels awkward lol #but she's broke af and can't afford clothes for her baby let alone cute ones and she loved the onesie when she fot it at her baby shower #but then the baby came a week and a half late #he was supposed to be a march baby he was born in april #and all of a sudden it was too warm for the onesie and he inly got to wear it once #so i was like ok i will get another one in the fall/winter then #but alas

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orcelito · 20 days ago

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I would like for life to stop hurting for a little while. Maybe. Pretty please.

#speculation nation #this sounds emo but im just in literal pain right now #geeze what a week this week has been. but i got through it.#thinking ahead... hm. i need to go back over my school stuff. i dont remember any huge deadlines due next week #and that cant be right. theres always Something.#oh right i do have an assignment due. tho it's not a huge one.#i have a project due the week after next week that i'll need to work on. but itll be mostly class time for that.#got another assignment for my persuasion project due... i think the week after next? wont be too hard tho.#and i need to really get to work on reading my books for gender communication. it's almost the end of october.#soooooo somehow i DONT have any huge deadlines this coming week. thats so strange and abnormal.#if i was responsible id work on my reading over the weekend. or do more cleaning.#but i'll be fucking honest kitten im at the end of my fucking rope #probably the sleep deprivation and hellish 9.5 day of bodily torture. i hurt.#i will feel more hopeful and happy go lucky later.#i keep trying to point at all the nice clean apartment to cheer myself up but i am just like. this is my torture chamber. no happy.#i will grab some food and then play the sims 2. and then i will feel better.

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bunnihearted · 4 months ago

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𖦹 ׂ 𓈒 🐇 ／ ⋆ ۪

#i dont know there's just... smth within me that craves it. in a profound wat #way** -_-#like... i am just someone who is made to love and be loved. that is what i want in this world in this life #i dont have any dreams or aspirations. all i need and want is to love #and since i dont have that in my life i am so deeply unhappy #and like i dont give a fuck about the 'love yourself #be whole by yourself. live a full life on your own #dont be happy bc of other ppl' blah blah blah #i dont care. my world view is that we are all different. we are all made of various stuff and we all need different things #(in my opinion; as long as u dont hurt anyone.... depending on intent... like depending on who u hurt and why.. as long as u dont harm #random innocent ppl for no fkn reasonand without consent. it is all fine)#the truth about the world is that none of us got all the fkn answers and we have no fkn right to demand that everybody lives according to a #made up book of rules. that's like actual insanity to me.#maybe someone else's way of living is crazy TO YOU. but theyre doing what they can to get by and thats none of your business #maybe u dont get it. maybe u dont understand. but someone else's life isnt for u to understand. only to look away and move on #if u arent compatible. needing to beat everyone down into the little box u have created is like... unrealistic and unsustainable lol #and i think that what i need as a person is nothing but love. deep profound love. which is sad bc that isnt really...#easy having my personality disorder :// plus that is smth very very rare and only a lucky few can experience that #i think i could still be happy in a healthy relationship where mutual like exists. even if... i know now that feeling that love is possible #idc if someone else is like omg thats so unhealthy gurlll love ya self gurlll. thats not what i need #everyone lives differently and yeah for some ppl it is much much harder #to get by bc we arent 'normal' or 'sane' or whatever. but it isnt wrong or incorrect #i just think im so so unhappy bc this is the one thing i need #and now me and my heart are like a withering flower #all i can hope... is that one day it will bloom. maybe one day.#but yeah no matter the amounts of work i do on myself (which i am trying to do lmfao stfu) or therapy #as long as i lack the one thing my soul craves iwill be dim and dull and feel numb

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thedevotionaltour · 5 months ago

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I SHOULD HAVE GONE INTO RADIOOOOOOOO

#the only benefit of art school is MY FRIENDS!!! maybe i would be better at art now if i hadnt gone bc i could have kept it as a hobby...#but i do love everything i have learned. i really do. unfortunately i think more than anything i am just bad at existing and doing things #i used to be able to do things. in high school. existing i still wasnt good at doing that there either. but at least i did things on my own #and at the time felt i was good at them. now im just bad at existing and doing things and do nothing worthwhile that i love anymore #oh it sucks to have this realization every other day. to just know you are very bad at what you wanted to do so badly. and just feel like #all you can do is give up on it. i know i shouldnt. but it's very hard not to want to. when you see everyone else around you getting better #and still doing art on their own time. and you see your own stuff and realize you have gotten worse. dont progress. and cant even do it as #hobby anymore. when you see how far behind you are from everyone else and see how your work has lost confidence it just sucks badly. yknow #i wish my brain worked better desperately bc i do think that is part of it. but im just lazy. and bad at this. and have no drive for anythi #im not very good at any of this overall. and it makes me sad. im the only thing in my way of what i want but i dont know how to move forwar #oh well. one day something better will come my way if im lucky. if i do better. one day i'll do better. i hope. i really really hope.#static.soundz #vent.txt #SORRY i got whiney and self pitying in my tags even though i said i wouldnt well unfortunately I Am Not Strong and need to make posts #bc this is my diary where i say everything ever good and bad beneficial and detrimental bc what else should i be doing with this blog huh

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cerbreus · 5 months ago

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boutta start ordering rocks online again just to feel alive

#im joking #but also man my days are so boring right now #struggle to wake up at 5;30 stumble out of bed at 8 maybe if i'm lucky #stare at computer screen listlessly and maybe get stuff done #most exciting part of my day is when i get to chat with my bf for a little bit in the afternoon #and then when people get home so i get to say hi for a few minutes b4 they're off doing stuff (fair)#and then i get ready to go to bed at 9:20pm after i feed my cat and it begins anew #i have got to get back into one of my hobbies or something the tedium is getting to me rly badly #need 2 get that work desk so i can do crafts in the craft room or make one idc #also the weather has been truly abysmal since we moved #hot and in the 90s and obscenely humid so i can't really muster up the willpower to want to go on a hike #augh #personal stuff #i think it's also bc i was just on an amazing fun 5000 mile road trip where i was constantly looking at new stuff and talking and having fu #and now im home and its boring here and i can't look at mesas and kiss my boyfriend and do fun activities all day every day #its like my brain is a rubber band that was stretched to the max over the course of that trip by sheer amount of enrichment #and now that i'm back home the amt of enrichment is so so much less that the brain rubber band is just loose n floppy #at least for now while it gets used to what is a much more normal amount of enrichment

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designernishiki · 1 year ago

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status update on my mission to 100% and platinum yakuza 0: completion list is at 99.2% and would’ve been finished today if not for pool (carom/combo shots- i made enough money from it though) and batting. my most significant peaks today were probably beating both so and jo amon on the first try miraculously and at one point i got like 34 points in expert koikoi

#if anyone has any advice on pool or batting feel free to tell me because boy am I struggling #and I’m so……so close #oh forgot to mention it but I also did all the climax battles I can for the time being- so a little over half of them maybe?#cant do the rest til I go through the finale and all that #frothing at the fucking mouth . I am so. CLOSE #y0 #rambling #I think I actually like koikoi a little better than oichi kabu ngl. but maybe im just saying that cause I got lucky with koikoi #I do think I’m genuinely okay at it cause like I started to memorize the high point cards and the main hands (especially the high point #but still doable ones like moon viewing and boar/deer/butterfly) and yea worked towards those with my Choices #but still I wouldn’t say I’m Great at it either #not as confident with it as I am with mahjong #but no shit. I played mahjong for like three days straight where as koikoi I maybe spent two or three hours total on #eh actually maybe more like 1-2 hours. took me way less time than oichi kabu #anyway. very very close to 100% completion but still got a bit to go til I can platinum the game since I gotta #go back and do the main story again on legend mode and all that #the finale won’t take long considering I’m crazy maxed out in stats and weapons and all that but going through on legend mode + the rest #of the climax battles will probably be a bit more intensive #really honestly impressed with myself on the Amon fights. like. a month ago I would absolutely assume I’d have to have my friend do those #fights for me cause they’re fucking insane and both have 14 health bars or something like that. but I’ve grown. I’ve learned. i best them #MYSELF. and on HARD at that. very glad I did a ton of shit at the coliseum cause that helped train up for the Amons a Lot.#ok time to shut up and sleep

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pepprs · 2 years ago

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beaver gnawing on wood noises

#purrs #delete later #this is gonna be a bad / hard post and i’ll have to delete it. like it feels like in making it im invoking cosmic forces to show me karma or #idk like being an ingrate or whatever. but sometimes i find myself on social media rabbitholes looking at instagram pages of.. women who #like really genuinely appear to be good moms to their kids. and love them for who they are and don’t try to make them anything different.#and who celebrate their quirks and stuff. and even share interests with them at the bare minimum. and it just makes me want to sob. like the #knot in my throat. i shouldn’t do it bc i just hurt myself but it’s like. im so lucky i have a mom and that she provides for me. and i know #there are valid reasons for that being all she can do. but also why can’t she… idk.why can’t she ummm love me. or celebrate me. or find #magic in me. or at the very least accept my humanness and be open to me like giving her feedback on stuff. even tonight at this panel this o #one woman was like yeah my two daughters call me on stuff and im like you’re right. if i called my mom on stuff (and i do) she would give me #the silent treatment (and she has) or eviscerate me (and she has). and people in my work life and on here call me endearing and say all #these things. but it’s like none of it can fill up the absolute aching pulsing void that is… my mom. my mom!!!!! is just a person i live #with anr resent most of the time. who has hurt me so badly. and i could have had a mom who like. let me sing and didn’t mock me for it.#and who came in and said goodnight to me and my sister instead of leaving us to o ur own devices because we’re twins and we had each other.#and 14 years ago today was the day that fully cemented in that she could not be that kind of mom and would never be. and i know she tried so #hard and i know she has been hurt and is still hurting. but i just want to scream. like everyone deserves a mom who loves them for who they #are and shit. and how fucking unfair is it that.. like it sounds so selfish and entitled. b it how fucking unfair is it that i got a mom who #im afraid of and then there are people like fucking… m*lissa err*co and sh*ron wh*atley (those are just the famous ones) who by all #appearances seem to be like.. not only loving but open. seeing their children as human and magic all at once. instead of a war prize and a #symbol of their own hardships or whatever. like it’s just so fucking unfair. i hate that this is the way things are for me and that it will #never change and that if it ever does i have to be the one to change it or i have to heal from it and let go of it. like FUCK that! i want #love from my mom! FUCK the fact that she can’t give it to me!!! she has to!!!!!! but she won’t. idk. delete post <3 #like so genuinely i should not be even typing these words bc god is gonna smite me now lol. but my heart is howling #and the shitty thing is i don’t think i’ll be able to be that kind of mom if i ever become one bc of how badly all of this has hurt me. and #bc of all that i don’t even think i want to become a mom anymore bc i don’t want to be the reason a child feels this way or grows up to.

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mejomonster · 9 months ago

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Im doing the fun part of writing: just wrote my cast, the locations, now jotting down the key scenes <3

Thw hard part: knowing once im fleshing this put eaxh key scene is going to blossom into 4-8 somehow and turn into 2k minimum each but possibly 10k words and then. And THEN. Hardest of all my adhd kick my ass and ill get 20,000 words in and lose my ability to focus for several weeks and be so sad i cant fucking focus and write and like 200 words will come out after 4 hours of effort and damn it

#rant #mejo writing #i looked up over the counter options for adhd and im crushed tbh #it said caffeine was pretty much the only option that worked. i already drink 1 pot a day #i dont think more coffee will have any additional help for me. i already drink primarily coffee from 8 am to 6 pm #the other suggestion was nicotine and nope not doing that #the last was Alternate caffeine options like 5 hour energy or mountain dew. and again #im already having a pot of coffee i dont think more caffeine will do anything to help #im lucky coffee doesnt make me anxious doesnt upset my tummy doesnt really do anything to me except taste good #so if its helping focus its a win win since id drink it anyway #but it clearly aint helping enough ;-;#im very scared to even try asking my new therapist for help #cause 1 im succeeding at my job! i do ALL the fucking adhd coping strategies so yeah. im doing fine at work #exhaustsd but managing. so i doubt shed give me medicine since im managjng even if it runs me down #and then 2 i got gastroparesis that acts bad with all mental health meds ive tried #(as in my gi tract just stops moving more. even oj ones meant to speed the gi tract up like setraline and prozac #so i dont kjow if an adhd med would also freeze up my gi tract more. which. i just cannot do that #i cant deal with Worse gastroparesis again im not vomiting daily again straving for weeks again im #not willing to suffer that again. so if i had that reaction id try like 3 days)#i am so jealous of ppl with meds. id do neurofeedback for adhd again but it was exoensive and im tired 1 session a week was a lot #and it kicked up my panic attacks which. is why i stopped)

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