#im so pathetic i hate myself sm..

[azstral-wanderers]

I AM GONNA FAIL THIS FUCKING QUARTER WHOOOO FUCK LIFE LETS FUCKING GO SLAYYY YAS QUEEN I'M SO FUCKED WOOHOOOO

[bunnihearted]

ᡣ𐭩 🍓｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

[g0thsoojin]

🦨

[yeondollie]

ʙᴀᴍ ʏᴀɴɢ ɢᴀɴɢ ౨ৎ ♡ .ᐟ

'i closed the chapter on the days we spent together.'

. . warnings ; ANGST .ᐟ, breaking up, argument, fem reader, taehyun is kinda mean, crying, heartbreak, reader is needy, taehyun gets annoyed of reader, just over all sad ecfhuehfusih !!

a/n ; i have been listening in bam yang gang on repeat its so so so good but so sad :(. the beat is so adorable and so is bibi i love her sm sm but the song is so sad and as soon as i heard it i thought about making a story with it . this is just a drabble so i dont have a word count sorry :< anyways, enjoy !! ₊˚⊹ ᰔ

"why do you want so much out of me? can i have some peace and quiet to myself? god.." here we were again. arguing with taehyun was getting more and more common, though you hated it. taehyun knew you were a sensitive person and didn't like conflict but you were just pissing him off lately.

you didn't know what to say really. though you were only trying to check up on him after work, he wasn't having it. "it's like you're attached to my hip, truly." you suck in the tears in your eyes as he says this. you didn't wanna fight, you just wanted to please him in any way you could.

"yes i-i.. i'll give you time. i’m sorry." you say, tearing still welling in your eyes. this, for some reason, set taehyun off completely. why couldn’t you stand up for yourself? it was pathetic in his eyes. “see! thats why im upset. you’re like a doormat- you get walked all over, it’s pathetic.” he scoffs, letting out a small laugh even.

holding the tears back, about to flow, you mutter out some words. “you’re r-right, i’m s-sorry.” you sniffle a bit, looking up at the ceiling to avoid the tears falling out of your eyes. you’ve never felt more pathetic in your life, it was such a horrible feeling. taehyun didn’t seem phased at all, walking up and getting in your face.

“so thats it? sorry? you think thats gonna fix everything?” he says, his face only inches from yours. it was weird, usually when he was this close he would be kissing you or looking at you longingly but no. not this time, not anymore. the only time he looked at you was with lust or anger behind his eyes.

it felt like the two of you would only have sex or only argue, it was tiring- so tiring. he used to hold your cold hand in his own warm hand. he used to kiss your forehead and play with your hair, what happened? the tears flickered down your cheek as you answered him. “t-tyun i.. i don’t know what else to d-do.” now quickly wiping your own tears.

when he realizes you’re crying, he doesn’t bat an eye. its like all his love for you was drained from his heart- you hated it so much. “you know what _____? we’re done. i cant fucking do this with you anymore. you’re just so.. so needy and dumb!” he raises his voice, now watching you flinch in front of him.

you didn’t even have the energy to stop him, watching him with blurry eyes. watching how much he changed over the span of you two dating was shocking and saddening to you. oh how you longed for the sweet taehyun you once had.

before he could exit your house, forever saying bye to him you did one last thing. “taehyun..?” you whisper, not even having the energy to talk loudly. “what?” he whips back at you. you grab his school name tag he gave you, when he first confessed his feelings for you when the two of you were still in high school.

grabbing his name tag, along with your own- you walked up to him gently. you placed your name tag in his hand, looking into his angry eyes. “so you can remember me, you promised me you’d never forget me right?”

his eyes flickered with sympathy one final last time.

[jaylleoo14]

How I like to draw the twst characters because nobody asked

♡ i like drawing Jade two ways: Pretty boy twink or a "your daughter calls me daddy too"

♡ For Azul its either an unhinged crazy ass who might secretly be a boy loser or a fucking smartass scum who isnt pathetic

♡ Floyd is.... well, Floyd. He's silly! I love him unconditionally <3 (no i dont thats a lie- ACK HELP HES CHOKING ME-) Joking, I LOVE drawing him having threatening and scary faces. (that goes for Jade as well)

♡ Idia is either a whimpering begging mess or hes a fucking cocky menace whos actually threatening

♡ Leona is soft shy lion or a badass (yasss slay queen, we stan you‼️) and sassy at the same time (Have you seen the way he stans with his hand on his hip?)

♡ Vil is just strait up serving cunt, no words needed (she is always SERVING from the university of servington with a degree in serving cunt) I always draw him winning because she always is (we stay winning💯)

♡ Rook is an unhinged stalker with a crazy obsession or he's just a silly little lad whos always supportive of others (I like drawing him threatening too)

♡ Epel is my pretty boy who I love to draw because he's so pretty. I like to draw him very wild though and rambunctious

♡ Rollo is literally the same as Idias except he tries to hold his pride feeling really embarrassed

♡ Riddle has a strong presence and personality which i like to convey, being ruthless yet being incredibly soft. I like drawing him cute and pretty sometimes too :3

♡ TREY HAS NICE MF ARMS YOU KNOW DAMN WELL IM DRAWING HIM SCRUMDELIOUCIOUS

♡ Cater makes me sad, so I indulge myself in it. I like drawing him around deep and depressing themes, sometimes dark as well.

♡ Ruggie is either street punk cool and swaggy or damn attractive with an unhinged and sneaky overlay

♡ Jack is so cute to me, I like drawing him as the tsundere he is with a playful side to him with the overprotective bodyguard vibes

♡ Ace... I HATE THAT STUPID MF!!! God he's so annoying we might as well date already >:( He's super playful and flirty and i like drawing him sly and sometimes awkwardly flustered

♡ Deuce is my baby boy crush >\\\\< Hes so precious literally he's my soft boy. I love him sm omg

♡ Malleus is so awkward and somewhat stoic, yet thats what makes him cute! He's like a himbo to me hahahaha hes so silly to me sometimes but then im like, oh wait, hes hot. And then i do a 360 and all of a sudden he's this hot smirking bastard

♡ Lilia is so drippy he's my little doll, I want to style him in so many different ways (●ˇ∀ˇ●) and he's so badass yet girlypop at the same time, hello?? No one can pull it off like Lilia does, its the bisexual in him 🤞

♡ Silver is so sweet and pretty, though I always draw him sleeping because its so easy just drawing someone sleeping in low quality T0T (sorry Silver stans)

♡ Sebek is a silly little guy who I want to kick for the fun of it sometimes ^-^ But I like drawing him getting teased a lot or often getting picked on because I find it funny

♡ Jamil being a sassy overworked mom who always too tired to show any type of expression other than showing anger, exasperation, or an anxious stressed out look. Other than that, its a tired deadpan face for me as he's holding a mug saying "kys." Jamil is like a little hater to me and I stan that <3

♡ Kalim being oblivious and a bit slow, but other than that hes the happy radiating sunshine we all know as. I like giving him moments where hes so genuine and kind where you're just completely soft around him and an arrow shoots through your heart

♡ Ortho is that friendly neighbor! I like him drawing him being supportive of others and always being Idia's right hand man who can also be sneaky and sly

This doesnt usually apply to their yandere self though ^^

[bugeatrr]

ngl loving zd sm that it makes me feel dizzy thinking about and makes me so angry that im literally not calvin and that i dont have a single person in my life that would be andre actually drives me batshit insane. like life isn't even real anymore briuh i go to work and don't feel real until i get home and go back to sleep to imagine im someone else somewhere else. im going mad. im supposed to be in the prime of my youth or fucking whatever but instead i spend my spare cash on halloween decorations and band posters to fill the one place i spend most of my hours. in the end Ive been obsessed with zero day for a year and every day i just kinda hate myself a little more because i wasn't born a fuvking fictional character its pathetic and embarrassing. but like it doesn't even lessen my love for the movie it makes me like it more. i dunno im going wild and rambling random stuff!

[osarina]

CARINAAAAAA ANOTHER AMAZING CHAPTER AS ALWAYS HEHE <333 i am here to bring my thoughts once again :)) !!

WE START W A BUNCH OF THE POLITICS OF THIS WORLD YIPPEE carina u dont understand how much i love how fleshed out it is I WOULD GLADLY READ A WHOLE THING JST ABT IT LOLLL and KLAUS !!! i love him sm hes becoming a fave of mine :>> !!!!

AND NOT DAZAI BLACKMAILING HER LMAOOOO hes acc so pathetic its embarrassing LOLLLLL PLS HE MADE HER BRING HIM ON A DATE IM NOT KIDDING WHEN I TOLD U I LAUGHED AT THT LMAOOOOO HES SO WEIRD NCJNAESRVKJS !!!!!

and dazai staying at her place all the time is tht supposed to be a pm!universe reference ugh hes a leach in every lifetime LMAO BUT THE CONFRONTATION BETWEEN HER AND CHUUYA i imagine dazai is jst sitting under the counter w his gangly ass limbs sticking out like 0-0 LMAOO BUT PLS OFC HE THREATENED TO KILL HIM ON THEIR FIRST MEETING AND DAZAI INSULTS HIM OFCCC LMAOO THEYRE SO STUPID HSJRWJG

but anyways AMAZING CHAPTER ONCE AGAIN I CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE !!! i hope ur eye surgery went well and make sure to rest up afterwards bc yeah surgery recovery is hardd (i've had 3, i would know LOL) so i hope its comfortable for u :< !!! AND I SAW UR BDAY COMM OMG i wouldve seen it sooner and wished u a happy bday but i was out on a trip rip BUT ITS SOO PRETTYYYY U HAVE THE BEST COMMS I WILL STAND BY IT AND HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY <333 !!!!! i hope u had a great day and i hope ur week has been well <3 !!

SWEET RED <3333 IM GIVING YOU THE TIGHTEST HUG RIGHT NOW

omg red you have no idea how much i love writing about the political side of this fic. like i literally have to stop myself from getting too much into it because i need to remind myself that most of u are here for the story between dazai and reader and not politics LOLLLLLL like genuinely whenever u make a comment about enjoying the poltiics it makes me all giggly because it's my favorite part of this series truly even if it is just the background, it's so fun to flesh out.

LMAOOOOOOOO I WAS SITTING HERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW DAZAI WOULD REACT TO FINDING THIS OUT AND THEN I WAS LIKE . LOL. I KNOW JUST HOW. HE'S SO LAME IT KILLS ME

YESSSSSS THAT'S A PMREADER UNIVERSE REF HAHAHAHHHH IM ADDING AS MANY AS I CAN IN THERE, THERE'S ANOTHER BIG ONE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER

INDHUAISFSZJSIUH in true skk fashion, their first meeting is hostile LOLLLLLL, in every universe, it'll be absolutely on sight for the two of them. and YESSSS HAHAHAH again, dazai is so lame because that's EXACTLY what happened, hiding on the other side of the counter but his legs are too long to hide and he's peeking above the counter to see what's going on ... we hate him HAHAHAH

THANK YOU SO MUCH LOVELY RED<3333 I ADORE YOU, I HOPE YOU'VE HAD A WONDERFUL WEEK

[hermanunworthy]

!DNDADS S2 EP45 SPOILERS!

WE ARE SO BACK (im going to die)

- so i have been informed that we have a NEW HERMIE FACT THIS EP??? so i have been SICK TO MY STOMACH WONDERING WHAT ITS GONNA BE. I WAS NOT EXPECTING TO GET ANOTHER

- OH THE INTRO GUY IS THE FUCKING. THE PODCAST GUY WHO CALLED TAYLOR A SLUR AGKDJD

- THE CHAOS ORBS BIT HAS ME GIGGLING

- THESE RAD FACTS ARE A MESS HELPP

- NOT FREDDIE IMMEDIATELY FACT CHECKING BETH

- I.

- I?????

- THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.

- OH THAT IS SO

- OH MY GOD IM GONNA DIE

- I ASKED FOR HERMIES LORE AND I GOT IT. ITS JUST NOTHING. THERE IS NO REAL LORE

- THAT WAS SO FUCKING EVIL IM DONE BRO

- kills myself

- i havent even continued to the actual episode yet im just so shocked and upset by this. scam u evil mf i love u but why

- BACK IN EP34 HERMIE LITERALLY DESCRIBED SCAM AS "THE MAN WHO STOLE MY CHILDHOOD". yknow maybe a little murder IS deserved /hj

- finally unpausing. im a ghost now im dead

- TERRY AND GLENN. TERRY AND GLENN

- TERRY WAS THE ONE WHO SHOT NICK??? OR IS HE JUST SAYING THAT

- SCARY SPEAKING TO TERRY AAAUAGAHHH

- WHY IS YHIS FIGHT SO PATHETIC LMAOO THERE WAS SM HYPE FOR IT BEFORE

- I FORGOT THERE WAS GONNA BE A RON AND TERRY REUNION TOO OH GOD. OH GOD

- NORMAL. OH GOD

- HE WAS CRYING A BUNCH DONT DO THIS TO ME

- TERRY AND SCARY IM GONNA DIE

- "maybe it was just a phase" HOLY SHIT THATS BIG

- RON DESCRIBING NICKYS RELATIONSHIP W THE KIDDADS AS "ENEMIES TO LOVERS"

- SO RON WAS THERE AT THE NICKY BETRAYAL???

- THE GUN WAS GLOWING BLUE

- FREDDIE BEING NICKYS BIGGEST FAN 😢😢 YEAH U GO AND SUPPORT UR SONDAD

- TERRY SHOOTING NICKY TO SAVE GRANT. AND THEN LATER GRANT SHOOTING TERRY IN FRONT OF NICKY. WHY.

- TERRY AND SCARY HUG. WAAAAAA

- RON IS IN THE HUG TOO I CANT DO THIS OH MY GOD THIS FUCKING FAMILY

- damn the marlowe family daddy magic sequence was sooo much faster than the wilsons

- SCARY SAID SHE LOVES HIM. SCARY. SAID. 🧍 GUYS

- AAAUGH. NICKY POINTING OUT GLENN NOT BEING THERE FOR TAYLORS BIRTH

- THE BABY TAYLOR NOISES

- glenn showing up high is quite upsetting to me actually

- JODIE VISITED TAYLOR. MULTIPLE TIMES. TELL ME WHY IM CRYING

- I HATE MYSELF WHY AM I SO HERMIE FOCUSED WHY IS THIS MAKING ME CRY

- GLENN STOP. UR HURTING ME

- "dang. idk if i like that guy" whimpers like a hurt dog

- TAYLOR. TAYLOR SWIFT. M GONNA CRY AGAIN

- ITS ABOUT THE. THE GENERATIONAL TRAUMA. THE ABSENT FATHERS. THE VALUING OF CASUAL FRIENDSHIP OVER ACTUAL PARENTHOOD

- TAYLOR TALKING IN TJAT REALLY QUIET TINY VOICE IS KILLING ME. HES JUST A LITTLE BABY GUY

- NICKY BEING REMINDED THROUGH TAYLOR WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO BE NICK IS SOOO EVIL

- GOING INTO TAYLORS MEMORIES?? TAYLOR LORE....

- FREDDIE IS COMING OUT W THE BIG GUNS THIS EPISODE WOW. FOR SOME REASON I WAS NOT EXPECTING TAYLOR ANGST TODAY

- GLENN CLOSE. HAVE U SERIOUSLY LEARNED NOTHING

- OH YEAH TAYLORS NEVER HAD DISNEYLAND

- THERE IS NO FIXING THIS.

- LINCOLN HUGGING SHMEGAN HELP

- OH NO WAIT THE FBI IS TAKING OVER HELL AFTER ALL

- "get taylor and nick out" and not hermie. sorry ill shut up (NO I WONT. THERE HAS BEEN NO HERMIE THIS EP BESIDES THAT DEVASTATING RAD FACT)

- LINCOLN AS THE KING OF HELL WHAT?????

- NORMAL OFFERING TO BE THE KING OH MY GOD.

- NORMAL AND TAYLOR HAVE TO FIGHT NOW?? FR THIS TIME???

- "I WAS JUST BEING ANGSTY" HELP

- ONLY ONE GETS TO LEAVE ALIVE???????

- WHAT. WHAT

- i. i am in shock. idk how to feel. oh my lord

[50tillmyribsshow]

not to be corny, but the guy i really liked is in an “almost relationship” now and i just found out today. its not official yet but i really wanna see her, why did he pick her, is she pretty and skinny or just nice n stuff? probably skinny tho, i just really really need to see her.

im so pathetic for thinking he would be looking at me sometimes because he likes me why am i so delusional and fat? im litterally not ugly just pathetically fat its almost comedical. how am i gonna wear a dress in 4 days when i look like ive eaten a lifetime supply of frozen buttersticks with donuts. why do i need to be the ugly fat friend when i could be the hot skinny one omg i hate this sm i literally was so observiert i cringe myself,

kms

[v8mpvrse]

just when u think you’ve healed and moved on something happens.

thank u halsey for releasing music reminding me im very much NOT over The Situation!!! ty!!!! appreciate it!!!

(cobwebs crowd our old chat as i click on it excited to talk about it bc she’s ur favorite artist but then oh. right. that’s not a thing anymore. our old messages that haunt me. that i can’t bring myself to delete even if i never click on it bc what if. what if one day u text me again. what if one day i text u back. what if one day u ask why i left in the middle of the night. you’re still everywhere i look. six months later. i can’t listen to her albums without feel sick to my stomach bc. ashleys ur favorite. she means sm to u. bc i’ve fallen in love with her art BC of u. sm of who i am now are pieces of u that are like shards of glass imbedded in my skin. i bleed u. and it’s so ironic it’s halsey bc the last straw was u using our song for someone else. and it was from ur favorite album of hers. ironic that now i’m biting my cheek, hoping the taste of copper and the pain can get me out of the pain loop. but it wont. it never does. no matter how much i pretend im angry about it. at u. as if its not more hurtful than anything. i’ll blame u. and maybe it’s wrong. maybe i played a hand in the destruction of us. maybe i should’ve known. i did. that’s the worst part. i knew it was a bad idea but god. u made me feel seen and loved and fuck. fuck. fuck u. fuck. you. and fuck me for knowing damn well id do it all again. knowing how it would end. i would. i would maybe say more i love you’s than normal. try to facetime more. memorize ur face. memorize ur voice. i’ll end up in my bed crying about it, hating myself bc im the ppl i used to make fun of. crying over a relationship that was never a relationship? pathetic. pathetic the way i loved and still love u.)

(i still haven’t listened to the new song. and i don’t think i can ever listen to her without my heart hurting bc i’ll be thinking of u.)

[cosmicstarlatte]

Omg mammon my loveeee. Yeah Satan recently joined bc of NB. I didn't play the og much bc it confused me sm lol. I like the rhythm part to NB but I do kinda suck at it. Mammon refuses to come home 😭 I have fuckin two UR+/UR Lucifer. UR Levi. UR Satan even UR Luke but no Mammon 😭😭

Yes yesss spicy cove 👀👀 the wedding night one was top tier. I'm ecstatic. I haven't done the dlc of the others bc I'm so committed LOL but I know they're amazing.

I just like my men angry n mean but soft to me. Lucifer got me bc he's all untouchable but in certain stories he's all for touching etc. I'm downnn.

Yeah TokyoRev is pain but it ended in the way I wanted in the manga lol

My bestie looooves rengoku. Uzui is sooo handsome but I'm greedy. Can't share n I'm not sorry lmaooo. Sanemi is my boo thang I'll love him forever!!!!

- Angsty Anon

yeah the game takes a little getting use to but the guides I looked at made it a little easier c: I still love & hate the whole rhythm thing, I'm just so bad at them & usually skip them. 😭 I hope he comes home soon to you! That was me & Lucifer I lost track of how many pulls i did in the beginning to get him. ...I did splurge a bit but it was a bday present to myself at the time. Then i saw the leveling system & regretted it. Still stuck. 🥲🥲🥲

Okay now I know I really have to get the wedding dlc then!! I'm gonna be a CHANGED person after, I know it, & Im gonna blame you!! 😆

alakdjfglfjsjdklsj Lucifer will always be a pathetic bb girl & no one can tell me otherwise!!

I'm glad Tokyo Rev ended how you wanted :) sometimes it sucks when it goes a different direction than what you want but whatever the mangaka says, goes. 😭 *me watching gege evily rn tho*

& ur bestie has good taste, rengoku is so cute & precious but like also so strong & ugh he's a little ray of sunshine! 😭 LMAOO I'm glad u know what u want! & what u like!! 😌

edit: I ended up going on a rb spree on my sideblog bc of cove LMAO

[bunnihearted]

🖤👻🏰🩹

[blogblogbloggittyblog]

may 11-14, 2022

im gonna try to write about my feelings again because maybe thatll make me feel less like shit all the fucking time. i dont even understand why im so upset about this. like. i think its cuz i romanticized the shit out of him and let myself believe that he liked me and i kinda allowed myself to be vulnerable around him and that he was there when me and noah broke up so he like kinda helped me a lot that night and idk he is rly nice and maybe i was literally in love with him or still am. and maybe the problem is that i realized how shitty that i am that he couldn’t even wanna be friends with me. maybe im such a selfish manipulative bitch that even he couldnt handle it. and i thought that he liked me and maybe that made me feel good about myself. but also i felt like shit because i fucking cheated on noah basically. and he told me i deserved better and i thought he would be the better one but he had a girlfriend and that already made me feel like shit and that time we kissed it was the most pathetic thing ive ever done because it was bad. it was bad and he thinks im pathetic and idk how to stop it i think the root issue is that i think that he thinks im a pathetic stupid idiot bitch liar. and maybe i am. god i hate him but i have no right to because all ive heard is good things about him. god. what the fuck. i need to move on from this but i quite literally dont know how to do that without getting some sort of closure but also THATS SO FUCKING STUPID BECAUSE U DIDNT DO ANYTHING AND HE DOESNT OWE U ANYTHING god.

-----

think the main issue is that im not a good person and i hate people who are better than me and i guess that makes me even worse. like i hate cameron because she’s quite literally perfect. and it makes me fucking hate myself. shes so pretty and confident and smart and articulate and talented and she has all that i want rly. i saw her and thomas adams today and it literally made me wanna die. im never gonna have that. no matter how much i delude myself into thinking that im this nice hot smart person. no one has ever wanted me for more than a year. if that. i hate myself. i genuinely can’t think of one thing i like about myself. because im not good at school. im not good at art, i havent made a single decent thing in like half a year, i dont do anything outside of school, im ugly, and not skinny, and a liar and im not a good daughter. i hate myself. i think i like being in relationships because then the person can fall in love with some weird fake version of me and i can believe that maybe im half-decent. harry is just another example of how i cant maintain relationships that i care abt. i dont even think i have any genuine friends. im pretty sure they all dislike me severely. god. i. suck.

-----

im literally in love w him or smth because he’s so nice and i want him to fucking like me too i wish he did how do i get him to like me but also i want noah back because it was so much easier and i could just love him and he loved me and it wasn’t turbulent and weird. and dustin is nice but that’s abt it. i like him but that’s all there is to it and i feel bad for like asking him on a date cuz fuck. but harry is different because he doesn’t even like me lnao and i want him to like me so bad i want him to be in love with me and go out w me and be my fucking bf and it’s so stupid and pathetic but i like him sm

-----

impermanence of life it’s funny how i really thought we were gonna be together for a long time and how i thought i’d love him for so long not just him but seb too like i thkught she was it like that was the end and it’s so scary how blinding and deceiving and deluding it is to be in love or at least think that u are. even when i tried to be so so so overly pessimistic and realistic with noah i still rly thkught we’d be together for at least a couple years i mean im glad we didn’t cuz like then it’d be even fucking harder to get over it but yeah and i loved him i loved him so much and he made me light up and he loved me too and he also wanted to be with me and that somehow makes it even worse the fact that it’s a mutual temporary affliction jt sucks

-----

and like it’s so fuckinf scary how in love i was even with noah like so blindly in love or maybe it was good and i just don’t remember i wonder if there’s another universe where we’re still together . i don’t wanna be in it because i know we could both find someone who fits with us better but god it sucks when someone loves you so much and makes you feel so good but then they slip away even if they don’t want to

[crow-rai]

i am so upset rn. why does my mother have to do this. i can't take it. i hate this sm. i just wanna leave. and i cant. i cant even interact with people irl. i am so emotionally upset. idk what to do. and i cant leave. like yeah its your house and youre paying for me to exist, but i am doing everything i can to leave. you dont have any idea how upset i am that i am literally stuck here. with no way out. like sorrrry i can't take care of myself and im so damn pathetic. like yk i was just super upset about what happened and we get home and you tell me to do a bunch of stuff, i do it,, and you get mad at me. i dont understand. sorry i need time to myself to process and just exist after what happened. at this point, sorry i fucking exist. i didnt ask to be this way, yet you call me lazy and get annoyed and mad at me for literally everything i do and dont do. you always find something wrong with what i did

[angeldiaries777]

u all suckkk

this is such a depressing mindset but i am clincally depressed saurr

"innocent babies and children" well they'll just grow up to either be averge or shitty people. nothing about them is special. just because they haven't been cruel or hurt someone yet doesn't mean they won't in the future. im sorry im a teen and i hate kids. like they're just people and ik ik their brains arent developed enough but they're so mean and annoying and such an inconvience. would always baby sit when i was like 13/12 for my "aunt's" toddler at the time and like i didn't get enough pay. anyway yeah i am overly kind to everyone and give everyone sm grace and i truly truly shouldn't.

yeah kids suck and they will just grow up to be shitty adults. obviously be kind to kids blah blah blah but i swear even if peoples development isnt fucked they will still be just another average pawn in the stupid world. life isn't valuable because its human srry. humans suck. the more people i meet the less i wanna go out. whyyy do people ruin everything. all the abuse ive faced from everyone of all ages over and over again just pisses me off. i dunno sorry for being nice to you when u didnt deserve it?? sorry for being young and pretty???

if someone as sweet and adorable as me gets hated on and hurt over and over than i don't think humanity is worth it. i honestly wouldnt be able to look myself in the eye after treating another human badly. yet everyone seems to be okay with it. its the little subtled ways they do it that make me wanna stab myself. like the sneaky ways that make u look insane if u call it out. pathetic. sincerely fuck everyone. i wanna murder everyone that has ever hurt me and left me this deeply scarred. FUCK YOU

[waluijoe]

friendships are too difficult. only got like three of them left and yet, it's a hassle. one of them is "ill hit u up whenever it benefits me and my time", okay, clear. another one is new and fun and we vibe very well but alas her sleeping schedule is so messy & we're both so chaotic that we can only do things together when she deems it so/makes it. but she shows me kindness i'd forgotten existed lmao like asking "how are you" or saying crazy shit like "i could've just helped you with that you know ?" (insane.) (pple like this exist ? fr)

third one is me being a therapist friend to a Very depressed person who doesn't listen to my advice and queries for them to see a therapist/psychiatrist, dumps their trauma/bad days/self hate on me and repeats them to anyone who will listen like my words & presence don't even matter at all, cuts me off often when i try to talk, ignores my words when that i try to bring up whats going on in my head, and constantly reminds me they have "no friends at all, no one" even though ive been here FOR YEARS adapting the way we work to make it fit and make it better, or to listen, or to laugh. and also yells/is a shit at their dog which triggers me and which i cannot escape if i wanna spend time with them. a beautiful combo. and of course i love them, and they're nice to me, and sometimes they tell me they appreciate me and i know they must mean it. but,,, like... its a lotttt idk how to act.

man all the people i've ever had as friends Hated themselves, or were su£cidal, or were heavily depressed/anxious. and me too like, i get the struggle so badly. but most of these people don't care to deal with me or my mental health at all, they don't ask how i've been, what i enjoy, what i do, & they share a lot of their heavy stuff with me all the time without asking, and they don't care that much to share other things&moments with me that much except to not be alone. and like. i'm a mess, and i'm not very healthy, and i'm pathetic most days, sure, but also i do deserve to be appreciated and known. and i want to appreciate and love my friends too. and i want to create stuff together, to lift each other up, or to try methods together and build something if we can. and i fled my family exactly due to being the therapist child, so having the exact same trauma responses/fleeing attitude/anxiety as i did with them now into my closest friendship fkcing Sucks ass. and i knooow its scary to go see a therapist, but like.. you have the mOney. you have the time. you have the ressources, and if you dont, i'll help youuuu. so just do yourself a favor right,,, i was the exact same of course i get it.

people really hate themselves sm that they go on to punish themselves from any type of help or break in the cycle like. pleaseeee listen to me, please do it for the tiny friend in your pocket or you from the future. fucking Call me to meditate until it works, i don't knooow, but coming in with the heavy heavy shit, and being like "no i cant do this with you right now" and LEAVING like im not a person with worry and feelings like heyyoooo you dumb bitch people love you actually don't be like that. be responsible !!! text me a "yo, doing better, watching tv, didnt off myself" idk we can be casual abt this right just be civil don't treat me like a dirty dog i swear