#im poor and one by one all my things stops working and i cant afford to get new ones. i cant afford dental care. i have AWFUL posture

[bunnihearted]

🍷

[ceasarslegion]

Whenever people criticize exploitative companies I notice that they tend to target consumers as if everybody using those services always have a choice in the matter, but im willing to bet that a massive chunk of the population that shops at walmart, orders from amazon, subscribe to disney+, etc, are poor/rural people who cant afford any of the alternatives. And what exactly do you expect them to do?

Disney+ is the cheapest option for reliable entertainment for poor parents with kids. Netflix is the cheapest option for that for most others. They still deserve to watch TV when they cant afford a cable package (and yes, pirating still has barriers attached to it. For one, you need to be able to afford the computer, just for starters). Not everyone who has a streaming service subscription is a bootlicker or supports the disney corporation or thinks netflix has the most correct working conditions.

Amazon is the cheapest option for shipping, well... almost anything. And in a lot of places, its the only thing that can reliably get there at all within the month. And when a prime subscription comes with free shipping and a streaming service? That cuts out one major expense AND the expense from the first point, too. Folks still deserve to be able to order things when they cant afford to pay for shipping fees or when they can only afford the cheapest possible option for the item they need. Not everybody with a prime subscription or who orders the occasional thing off amazon wants to personally suck jeff bezos's dick or thinks warehouse workers deserve to be worked to death.

Walmart remains the cheapest possible option for most people in north america, especially in the cost of living crisis right now where groceries cost more than your rent. Not everybody who shops at walmart thinks the workers deserve to be exploited or that unions are bad or that driving out small businesses is a good thing

And im gonna be honest, every single "alternative" ive seen from people acting these ways is WAYYY more expensive and unreliable to poor and rural people than the things theyre telling us to stop using. You absolutely should support small businesses when you can but i usually dont have small business money. I can either buy a few little things to eat that will last me maybe a week or i can get enough for the month for the same amount at walmart, and thats not MY fault.

What exactly do you want us to do here

[gibbearish]

every time i see discourse about fundraisers go by on here im just fully struck with the realization that not a single one of you people have either taken a cybersecurity fraud prevention course or bothered to take one singular second to consider the website youre on. this is the broke bitches website. none of us can afford to fund our mutuals' grocery bills, much less entire evacuation funds, and CERTAINLY not FAKE evacuation funds taking advantage of genocide victims. all this shit abt how people are deliberately choosing not to fund every post that passes their dash because they hate palestinians literally just does the work of actual scammers for them by laying the high-pressure sales tactics groundwork, and the "do you guys have any idea how hard it is to keep coming up with new attention-grabbing fundraiser posts?" ones just ring EXTREMELY hollow because YEAH! YEAH I DO! and so does everyone i follow! and everyone they follow! because all of us are FUCKING BROKE and surviving on crumbs! i just saw one that said "i make sure to keep $40 in my wallet at all times so i can give $20 to any panhandlers i see, this is the same" and its like!! good for you, thats very nice, but like!!! you need need NEED to take a step back and realize that /being able to do that/ is a position of privilege, not the default setting to be a good person. i wont discount that some people do ignore fundraisers specifically because of racism because Of Course, but like. a) yelling at them isnt gonna make them stop, or more accurately yelling at /everyone else/ isnt gonna make those people stop, and b) trying to apply that as a blanket motivation for everyone just. realistically doesnt work. not donating is a nonaction, it is the literal default status, and while in specific situations you can use CONSISTENT absence of SPECIFIC actions to track a person's motivations SOMETIMES, broadly speaking that just. doesnt work.

there are 8 billion people on this planet. most of them will never know you exist. of the ones that do, most will not be able to help you. of the ones that can, most will not be on the broke bitches website passing the same communal $20 around. consider your audience and stop shitting on fellow poor people for having the gall to need to be careful with their money. and if you are genuinely only posting your fundraiser to tumblr, like. im sorry, but you need to anticipate not reaching your goal and prepare accordingly. theres a reason the last big scam scandal people talk about actually getting the money is like. all-or-nothing era, as a website none of us have the funds to make that kind of thing happen anymore or the security to risk it. a fundraiser not meeting its goal on here is not a personal sleight against whoever made it, its just how life goes sometimes. and it's unfair and it sucks and we should help however we can, but. sometimes you just arent able to help someone else, and continuing to feel responsible serves only to torture yourself. and blaming OTHERS serves only to move that guilt from yourself off onto another person. i imagine that has to be where a lot of the vitriol comes from, is people who cant afford to donate more getting pissed at people they see as having the funds but choosing not to share them, but again, sometimes you just are not able to achieve the goals you set out towards, through no fault of the specific parties involved.

people on tumblr choosing to buy groceries rather than potentially donate to a scam are not your enemy and are not the ones facilitating a genocide. we're all victims of the same horrific system, the question is just how that system manifests its influence on each of us. poverty kills just as thoroughly as a bomb. everyone is just doing their best to survive, and as much as we like to pretend that everyone should be a perfect selfless angel that puts others before themselves no matter what, humans are by default a selfish species, and it is a lot easier to say what youd do in theory than actually do it. and there's a reason you have to put on your own oxygen mask before helping the person beside you, youre of no help to anyone if youre too dead to do anything.

[juni-ravenhall]

today i finally found new headphones for a somewhat affordable cost for me as a poor disabled person (around $€ 15) after spending hours going out of my way to shops at the edge of town while i had a free bus ticket (for healthcare). my previous headphones disintegrated and fell apart lately and i couldnt find any i could afford to replace them so it was frustrating. my mouse was also starting to fall apart, and i was able to find one i could afford today too.

it was really really annoying going around to different shops and just seeing even the low-budget headphones cost $€ 35++ everywhere

other things i need but cant afford rn includes sandals or other airy summer shoes (i own 2 pairs of shoes that fit, one of those pairs is kinda broken and more for the cold season, and the other is very warm and not good for warm season at all, this one was a gift recently, before that i only had 1 pair of shoes regardless of weather and season, for the past 2 years or so?)

and a new phone - the screen is completely cracked all over but still functions, but the phone itself is extremely slow. its a $€ 99 xiaomi phone and it cant keep 2 apps running at once. for example a phone call will just hang up if i open the browser at the same time. it also frequently just doesnt ring when someone tries to call me, which is a problem when im being called by healthcare or other important things. id like to get a phone that is less terrible (and not cracked all over) but i cant even afford another one of what i have.

theres other stuff like these prebiotic(?) stomach supplements that helped my stomach work slightly better, that i was buying for some months, i had to stop buying bc i cant afford that if im also buying other things i need (i had to buy a new pair of pants bc the other ones are broken etc). didnt stop bc they werent important but just bc i cant afford.

and i cant afford to take the bus to leave my neighbourhood (i live a 1 hour one-way walk from downtown and am too tired to make that walk alone anymore) more than a couple times a month bc each one-way bus ticket costs $€ 4. i cant afford to pay $€ 8 for a day's transportation more than a couple times a month, especially bc if im going anyway, it prob means i will spend some money on things like eating something (cheap) out, or some (cheap) shopping, or a movie ticket, or something. and its really not okay that the bus is that expensive. a $€ 20 movie ticket now costs $€ 28 instead bc of the bus, and for my budget this is all way too much.

so yeah, just explaining that life is hard. as a poor person its hard even in a rich country like sweden. i always make some room in my budget for enjoyable things like buying a cheap (always using sales!!) videogame and buying snacks, treating myself to something i want (art supplies, trinkets - usually using sales and 2nd hand!), bc otherwise i wouldnt be able to keep on living. but its really hard to afford the things i need and im living like this without summer shoes, without supplements that help me be less sick, with a broken shitty phone, etc. mostly i just want middle class ppl to not assume that ppl on their dash are rich and financially comfortable bc i notice a lot of middle class ppl live in their bubble where they think everyones life is similar to their life. its not true and tons of ppl all over the world are really poor, including ones you see on social media.

[hekkoto]

Hello my darklings!

Here I come with lil post with update cause I feel like you deserve to know how things are going and why lately Im barely online

My main issue is my poor mental health, I again struggle with constant, daily suicidal thoughts. Im kinda used to this as I struggle with this since I was teen, when I was kid they werent daily at least. They stopped like 2 or 3 years ago but now they are back. Its really hard to live like this but I try to keep going, no matter how much it hurts. In case you dont know – I suffer from borderline which means Im constantly jumping between very strong emotions and my actions are often reckless. Usually you can see me being super euphoric but also very depressed. Lately those depressive moments started to be very long and harder than usually. Adding awful heatwave we had since few weeks it caused me to be on edge of giving up. Here I want to thank a lot everyone who was leaving nice comments or talking with me and trying to cheer me up, I know it might be tiring that I keep saying Im worthless and such but thats how I feel. Im not used to people being so nice to me, really thank you, you are saving my life. I would love to be able to ask for help but sadly Im not, I feel like Im burden to everyone. Its something I need to work on, it will take some time but sadly for now Im still struggling with this. But Im always super grateful for everything you do <3

In last days I sleep a lot, like up to 18 hours per day, right now Im not sure if thats cause of my chronic fatigue or depressive state. Im also wasting a lot of time watching lets plays from The Binding of Isaac: Repentance cause its my comfort game and it really helps me. So yeah, I barely do anything.

I struggle a lot with substance abuse, starting from overdosing antidepressants constantly just to survive, I also drink and such. Im aware its bad, Im aware that I cross the line but Im doing it to go through those days. I will try my best to limit this when I will feel better, when I wont need this to stay alive.

Here I want to apologize my Patrons, Im so so so sorry that in last months I dont post most of promised stuff and a lot of things are late ;-; and I want to thank you a lot for still being here, I cant express how happy I am. I promise that when I will feel better everything will be on time, I will also give you some bonus for your patience <3

Please, give me some more time to sort things out. I know that the best thing for me now would be therapy but sadly Im not able to afford this. I will ask my psychiatrist to prescribe me therapy so if in some magical way I will have money I will be able to start it. I start to consider asking my parents for this but honestly? They spend 1000PLN every month just on my meds, they also pay for my doctors, from time to time my mom goes with me to do lil shopping of hygienic stuff and home supplies and pays for everything. They also pay for my flat and all the bills. So yeah... they already spend a lot on me and I feel so bad about this and asking for more feels awful. But if this is something I need to stay alive I guess I have to...

My physical health isnt the best too, I suffer from quite bad pains of joints and muscles. I have bigger dose of meds for this but its still not perfect. Also on days when heatwave hits Im kinda trapped in my house, I cant go outside when its super hot cause its dangerous for me

Thanks to your support and my husband's help things arent super bad yet, thankfully I was able to not go back to self harm and my suicidal thoughts are just thoughts an Im not doing anything to actually kill myself. Without you... welp, I would be dead

I plan to use the best my time when Im feeling fine, I wanna draw and record a lot. So yeah, for now I cant promise any time when stuff will be there but I will do it. I will be working on one project which is very important for me, you will see it soon [I hope haha]. Right now I will focus on commissions and stuff for Patrons so if you wait for something from me – it will be there soon <3

Thank you a lot for your patience and love, you are awesome <3 I dont know how long it will take for me to get better but I will keep fighting and hopefully at some point I wont suffer so much. My past was awful and it damaged me a lot, fixing it will be very long and hard but I must stay strong. I will keep fighting and perhaps I will be able to make my dreams come true

Love ya, Hekkoto

[blackvail22]

whenever i think about this, it makes me incredibly angry that i cant respond to ppl abt this so im going to pretend that i am now lol

"why did she graduate early just to go into the work force? thats so pointless"

its not. think about it, i work to get more money to move to the college i want to go to out of state. i live there for a year to become that state's resident and get a lower tuition rate. you hang around fellow rich people... obviously i didnt expect you to see the struggles of those that go into debt each time we go on a vacation every 5 years. im not as fortunate as you are. you always got what you wanted when you wanted. you got a $70k car for your 16th birthday, and your friend got a $100k car for their first car. you go on trips every other week during the summertime... new york city, paris, bahamas, florida... i dont expect you to understand my struggle of going to college. maybe if our government actually helped poor people afford college i wouldnt have to work all the time to afford basic necessities and save up for college. it must be hard for you, too. you know, when we were in elementary school and you stopped being friends with me when you found out that im in the lower class. must have been the biggest betrayal. or in middle school when you would constantly ask me if me and my friends were dating just because i like all genders. or when you outted me in a girls locker room because you thought that i was a perv because i like women. it must be hard for you to think and empathize for others. you know, living like that isnt going to get you far, especially when you can't respect another race... saying a word that isnt yours, enforcing racist sterotypes against others. you know, i think about when you go to college and that video still existing... it'd be a shame if someone sent it to the school and got you kicked out shortly before you graduate. all that money you will owe and you dont even have a degree... it'd be a shame if his ableist comments got back to where he got a scholarship...

-

this next thing is about my school experience. it was a formal letter like youd read aloud at graduation and it turned into me just spewing out every last memory i could because i kept getting distracting trying to make it formal.

today is a special day for not only all the students here, but the parents and faculty as well. today marks the day many here never imagined happening, especially not so soon. let's take a trip down memory lane and recap our school years together

we all remember our first day of kindergarten. in a building that is now a memory, we would shyly sit in our seats at the beginning of the day. introducting ourselves, moving our lunch choices on the smartboard, reading corner, and of course, the behavior chart. we all remember our world crumbling when our color went from green to yellow and red. what seems so little now was so big then. an example that sticks out to me was when i got made fun of for my hello kitty backpack. i told my mom i needed a new one, and i used my dora the explorer one from preschool. i got made fun of even more. or, when i went to the principals office because the nurse said she couldn't help me with my upset stomach. i remember sitting in his office and him not believing me. he made a comment about the saying on my shirt and told me to go back to class. i ended up having to go home because i threw up.

first through third grade was a blur. i remember being made fun of by m.f. because i didnt know the difference between eyeliner and mascara and t.c. laughing at me for it. these are the years i really had a sense of community, seeing everyone hangout together and leave the "weird" people out. it truly made me feel welcome, and im so grateful for this.

when we moved to the new elementary building, i remember people saying it wasn't fair that i had to take the elevator because i wasn't able to take the stairs. i remember each time that i hurt my knee and had to take the elevator. everyone would say its unfair and its because im fat. i remember when there was a substitute one day in 5th grade and we were going to our "specials" class and i knew it was art because it said it on the classroom wall, so when i took the elevator, i went to the art room. i remember the substitute got upset with me because he insisted it was gym class because people in my class said so, and it made me incredibly anxious. i remember when i told him it was art, and he dragged me to the gymnasium just to find out i was right. i remember when i was talking to a classmate in the gym nd they made fun of me for the gap in my teeth and for my teeth being yellow. i remember that i had an anxiety attack and burst into tears because of how overwhelmed i was. i remember i had to stay in a different teachers classroom because the substitute wouldnt let me sit in my homeroom. i remember as i was sketching hearing the teachers in the hallway make fun of me for "having an anxiety attack" and laughing about it and not believing me. i remember right after that a teacher said "alright, i guess i'll check on her" and checked on me while trying not to laugh. i remember about a week or two later our seats were being changed in my science/social studies class. i told one of the classmates that made fun of my yellow teeth he's going to sit next to me... turns out he did. when we got to our seats it was next to the teachers desk. my classmate said "i knew i was going to sit here. [my name] told me so." and my teacher got mad at me because he thought i looked at the stuff on his desk (i didnt). i remember i didnt pay attention the rest of the class. i remember it made me so incredibly sad that i started to draw a piece of toast and a knife on a post-it note, making an analogy about how i wanted to die. i remember that teacher looked at me and asked "are you okay" and i responded with "its not like you care, anyway. why ask?" and he said "i do care." and i ignored him after that. i remember feeling so incredibly betrayed. he told my homeroom teacher and as my teacher walked to the elevator, he talked about how i shouldnt kill myself.

nothing felt worse except the entire school not believing how much i was struggling and no one really cared to help

i could truly go on and on and on about this but im getting so emotionally destroyed that i feel its best for me to stop here

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

vent post, .. putting it under readmore cus its long.

sooo yeah, basically, idk waht to do with my life, and i feel like a burden in the sense that i cant provide for myself rn. i never talk about my living situation but i am almost 29 yrs old, unemployed and having to be supported by my friends cus my family is too poor to help me in any way. like i have to live with my friend’s parents which somehow feels even more pathetic than living w my own parents.. i mean ofc i am very grateful to them for helping me but the guilt racks up more n more each day. when i was 14 my mom told me, ok you’re old enough to work now so you have to get a job if you want literally anything for yourself that isn’t the bare essentials. u want anything other than canned soup for dinner? thats on u. so i got a job, at 14!!! i think back now and im like what the fuck. i was a child... but alas. i worked and worked, i was almost never unemployed my whole life after age 14, except for during 2020 pandemic, and these past few months.

work, work, work, i worked so many piece of shit jobs, i never went to school or anything, there were a few good jobs here n there but they’d always end up getting sabotaged by one of my bipolar episodes. a lot of times, when i was rly desperate, i wld resort to escorting, which i just fucking hated and have been put in a lot of compromising situations and ugh. yeah, what im GETTING at is, ive literally never had security in my life, ive never had resources, the past 15 or so years have been lived in survival mode, and 6 months ago i finally fucking crashed and burned. like, no, i fucking refuse to work anymore, im suicidal all the time, ive never been able to heal from anything that’s happend to me, i dont care if i die broke and alone, i just cant work these demeaning ass jobs anymore. im very grateful to my friedns who have been helping me not die since then, i try rly hard to live frugally, i only eat what i rly need, rarely treat myslef, etc etc.

but now its like, where do i go from here? i know i need to start thinking about generating income again and it makes me so fucking sick. all i can rly do is commissions, but i hate putting a price on art, its only fun to me when im doing it for free. i dont want it to stop being fun. i dont want it to be about money. im scared to try i guess. i definitely dont want to work another stupid job but i also just sit in the house all day and it feels unhealthy. i dont want to meet people, i dont want coworkers, hate putting myself out there cus i cant relate to anyone. hate watching them in real time slowly realize that theres something seriously wrong with me, its embarrassing. i just need something to do.. i dont have a car or anything, i dont even know how to drive because i always figured id be too poor to afford a car. and so far ive been correct about that.

i guess this post is pretty embarrassing too but oh well.. i figure at least on here some ppl can relate.. like fuck i cant even get a therapist to respond to me. everyone just keeps begging me to get therapy as if it will save me. im really lonely w all my feelings and memories. i feel like im in purgatory and all i can do is keep drawing pictures for ppl to enjoy and trying to post things that are uplifting so i can at least make someone elses day a little brighter. but i wish i had a plan or an answer or a real goal. i reallty really really want to be nothing.

[yatsugareboyf]

hii could i request chuuya and dazai with a male reader who has like a dramatic and impulsive personality/type of humour? like he impulsively spends money or makes plans, and talks pretty hyperbolically bc he thinks its pretty funny-

im sorry if this didnt make sense sjsjdjd-

heheheheh this is so funny

chuuya and dazai with a dramatic and impulsive male!s/o

nakahara chuuya

good lord why does he keep attracting these types of people /j

like isnt dazai enough

"ah, chuuya! this is the wrong soda! i said orange not grape! i feel like im getting drunk just looking at it"

"bitchass u said royal how would i know which flavour"

"you shouldve known! ah really chuuya do you even know me? your boyfriend?"

yeah. hes sick of you /j

but really he tries to keep with a lot of your impulsive decisions

like you'll be out on a date and you see someone selling his antique wall clock thats duck themed or whatever and what do u know chuuya's carrying it home

hes happy seeing u happy so most of the time he just allows you to do whatever you wanted to do

sometimes when hes not around u just end up buying so much stuff online that u set to overnight shipping

which chuuya ends up paying for bcs he doesnt let you 😭

LIKE HE WONT LET U WASTE UR MONEY SO HE WASTES HIS IDK MAN

"chuuya~ i have my own money yknow"

"yeah but you're not paying for this... what the fuck is this.. "face mask maker"? yeah you're not wasting your money on this i got it"

"but chuuya its not even that expensive"

"dipshit this is 400 dollars"

but he ends up enjoying your impulsive spends bcs u use it on him

"haha chuuya what if i make a wine face mask"

"you're not using my wine. ok but what if-"

WINE FACE MASKS

idk if chuuya or u would eat it-

one time u bought tons of makeup and he witnessed u going through so many styles of makeup in a week-

like the e-girl make up, the colorful makeup, then the rlly emo makeup then natural makeup

u wanted to try it on him but he refused

"but chuuya you'd look so pretty :(("

"you can be the pretty one, im good"

u did end up applying just eyeliner on him and he's fairly impressed

wont ask u to apply it again bcs hes too shy but u know he wants to have it on everyday

abt ur spontaneous plans, he usually stops u 😭

bcs even if u had time to go, he wouldnt and hed rather be there for u when u do go

so whenever you hear that he has a day off or he isn’t on call you’ve already bought tickets to disneyland!

overall i think hes okay with it as long as you’re happy 

(ill make a side thing abt bsd boys handling homophobia bcs that shit deserves a separate post)

dazai osamu

i think hes just the same as u, but hes more Willing to pull through with your impulsive antics

while getting to know each other, you learn that dazai loves crab, but only eats the canned kind because he cant afford special crab

that made you sad that you bought so much crab and learned a few recipes under a day

now theres 5 different crab dishes and 10 more crabs in the fridge, and dazai isnt even home yet from work

he comes home to 7 different crab dishes and a very exhausted boyfriend

he loved the dishes.

nonetheless he joins u in your very impulsive travel plans because he has a lot of free time

(he doesn't he just ditches work)

poor kunikida calling dazai bcs they need back up and hes like

"sorry, kunikida-kun! i'm in disneyworld!"

"WHAT"

u also worry him a lot w ur hyperbolic vocabulary

"OSAMU I THINK I BROKE MY LEG"

THEN HE APPROACHES U AND HES LIKE

"OH MY GOD ARE U OKAY"

but u just stubbed ur toe 👍

but hes taking it all seriously and like

"we need to get you to yosano"

"wait- NO"

hes more understanding of why u do what u do so he tends to just follow whatever u wanted to do at the time

"i love u so much, more than the size of the.... the pacific ocean"

"my, that's a lot of love"

PLS U THINK DAZAI WOULD KNOW MORE ABT HANDLING MONEY

he can't. no one trusts u two with money.

kunikida even tries to NOT give y'all's checks bcs that one time u bought big ass bean bag and adressed it to the ada-

ranpo uses it now and fights to death with dazai to nap on it

u buy so many things and sometimes u forget to address it to ur home

like- some packages end up at atsushi's dorm

"kyouka-chan?"

"there's a box outside our dorm for you."

"WHY IS IT AT YOUR DORM?"

"i thought you would know."

and dazai' just amused at how u have everyone's address at ur disposal to use

[hella1975]

Dude seeing as tho you’re an econ student, can you explain why inflation happens?? Like why can’t prices just stay the same?? I genuinely don’t get it. Like wdym we’re gonna have 22% inflation next year?? Like thats insane. Like why are they upping the energy bills?? Why can’t they just stay the same, every other country has a cap on it, why are we raising ours. Im literally so confused rn

no this is so valid of you and i promise you EVERYONE is confused like the annoying thing about economics/politics is that it's the BACKBONE of a society yet normal people dont really know much about it unless they actively try and find out, which is how we create blunders like brexit bc people are just uninformed.

so inflation is a general rise in prices. that's all it is. it's can be a good thing, and it's an example of when the market fixes itself because like anything in economics, it's part of a trade-off. IF INFLATION DIDN'T HAPPEN THE MARKET WOULD FAIL!!! IT DOES NEED TO HAPPEN IT'S JUST WHEN IT HAPPENS TO THE EXTENT IT IS HAPPENING THAT IT GETS VERY BAD!!!! IF IT DIDNT HAPPEN AT ALL WHILE ALL THESE EXTERNAL FACTORS CONTINUED THEN THE ECONOMY WOULD LITERALLY CRASH!!! MONEY WOULD LOSE ALL VALUE!!! AND NOT IN A GOOFY 'HAHA YESSS NO MORE MONEY!' WAY I MEAN IN A INSTANTLY CRIPPLING THE WORKING CLASS AND ALL THOSE THAT CANT STAY AFLOAT WAY!!! THIS IS IMOPORTANT!!!! it all comes back to the very basic model of supply and demand and creating new equilibriums, which to my absolute dismay im gonna have to whip out a diagram for, so here she is Thee Supply And Demand Diagram:

so we can see here that shifts in supply or demand create new equilibriums, aka the point where both lines meet. when supply moves right (increases) and/or demand moves left (decreases) (e.g s1 -> s2 and d1 -> d2), we see prices fall, just like the opposite would see prices rise (aka inflation!). to apply that to what's happening at the moment, general supply chains are just really fucked. russia has cut gas to europe, hence a plumet in supply there and the energy crisis we're now in. ukraine (the 'breadbasket of europe') isn't producing/exporting as much as normal, hence another plumet in supply etc etc. basically every supply chain at the minute is having issues and that immediately causes prices to jump. why is the uk in particular such a shitshow at the moment when these external factors are affecting multiple countries? because this is happening in a post-brexit post-covid-handled-by-the-tory-party post-prime-minister-popularity-contest-during-a-national-crisis economy. it's not looking good bruv. low and behold, we are in a cost of living crisis.

if prices didn't rise to meet these external factors, aka if we stick with the energy example, then we see a plummet in supply with prices staying the same. spending isn't being dissuaded and NO ONE is being pushed out of the market. the reason prices rise is to slow down consumption of the supply and make it last longer, so keeping prices the same, while better for everyone in the short run, would completely fuck us over in the long run bc we'd just run out COMPLETELY and it would be a GLOBAL PROBLEM.

the worst thing about inflation is that it hits poorer people the hardest. you know i said earlier that higher prices push people out of the market to slow the rate of consumption? yeah that's poor people getting pushed out of the market. the people who cant afford energy stop getting it first while richer people can usually ride out crises and recessions. a good thing about the inflation we're facing at the moment is that it's coming from external factors; there hasn't been an actual crash in a part of the economy. take the 2008 recession for example. that was caused bc of the crash of the housing market in america, and as a result it took YEARS for the world to get back on its feet. economic turmoil at the minute though should recover quite swiftly as long as our government gets their shit together (which hopefully if liz truss makes enough of a tit out of herself we'll get a labour government in the next election). in fact inflation is supposed to go back to around 2% (the target rate) in approx two years and is supposed to start falling by next year. still, that's a long time for a normal person on a normal salary to get by with such high costs, and it's not gonna be fun.

as for a price cap, the uk does have one! im pretty sure it doesn't apply to businesses though and only applies to households, which is why particularly there's been a lot of news about pubs closing lately. but like you said, the cap keeps getting higher and higher lately and it's literally because the economy will not survive if we keep selling energy at the current rate; it has to be more expensive bc of everything i just explained. the issue here is that there are things the government can do to ease the financial burden faced by the people and to speed up the economic healing process, but they're not doing that and THAT is where the problem lies.

[bunnihearted]

🖤👻🏰🩹

[lueurdelune]

I’m gonna vent anyway even tho nobody here gives a fuck I’ve had this blog for 5 years and I only have 200 followers and I have made no friends

If whoever created me on this planet was going to give me severe depression and anxiety with a big dash of undiagnosed adhd for 16 years of my life couldn’t they have ATLEAST born me into a financially stable home like honestly that would be so beneficial

I have no motivation to do anything ever for anybody including myself I literally failed my last semester of school. I’ve never done that before and I’m so scared I’m not gonna get into college and I’m never getting any scholarships and I don’t know if my parents can even afford college I’m basically poor but not really I just mean that everybody else around me has so much more money than I do and I feel so shitty all the time I can’t take care of myself I’ve gained so much weight since developing depression over the last 3 years and everybody makes me feel like shit about it but I’m too poor to do anything about either like how the fuck did I go from a size 00 to an 8 I fucking hate myself over it but especially because of how I’ve let others influence how I feel about myself I have literally starved myself for so long AND EVEN THAT DIDNT WORK WHAT THE FUCK??? Anyways like,,, THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING A SIZE 8!!!!! But I’m severely short I’m literally 4’10 and all my life I was a naturally thin person like you know how there’s some people that just ARE thin yeah that was me AND NOW IM NOT BECAUSE IVE SPENT YEARS CRYING IN BED WATCHING TV SHOWS I have no motivation to get up out of bed and it’s been a problem for years but especially now with quarantine it’s so much worse. I have no joy in literally anything. AND I CANT EVEN DO ANYTHING ABOUT ALL OF MY WEIGHT GAIN BECAUSE IM SO DEPRESSED I DONT EVEN HAVE THE WILL TO LIVE ANYMORE I WISH EVERYTHING WOULD STOP AND PAUSE AND THAT THE NUMBERS ON THE SCALE WOULD STOP GOING UP AND MY TEACHERS WOULD STOP ASSIGNING ASSIGNMENTS AND THAT I WOULD STOP LOSING FRIENDS AND THAT I WOULDNT EVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MONEY EVER AGAIN.

And I can’t even get myself out of my financial situation literally ever because I fucking hate school so much I used to be so good at it but the thought of writing one more essay could really be the thing that drives me off the edge and this screwed up system is rigged so the only way to confirm good and true success is through college degrees and I am just now getting treatment for adhd that I’ve had all my life but was too poor to get diagnosed with and that’s been a huge disadvantage to my academic life like insanely and since I’m now horrible in school I won’t go to college and since I won’t go to college I’ll live my life being dirt poor as always and whoever said money can’t buy happiness is a fucking ugly ass liar if I had money I would still be good at school because I would’ve gotten treatment for adhd way long ago which means my depression and anxiety wouldn’t have gotten as bad as they are which means I wouldn’t have gained as much weight as I have which means I wouldn’t be as insecure as I am to the point I literally want to die. Money could’ve made this all avoidable.

I’m having such a pity party for myself right now. Everything that could be wrong in my life currently is except I’m not homeless but I’ve been living in a tiny ass apartment my whole life. Also my family isn’t physically abusive but I’m their mental punching bag which is so hard to accept because I love them so much.

And I’m putting tags on this just because I at least want somebody in this universe somewhere to hear me, to see me, to let me know I’m not as invisible as I constantly feel.

Also if there’s any teens out there who want to be friends 🤪😎😏 slide in my chats I swear I’m funny and pretty (debateable) what other qualities would you want?

[clowngremlin]

i had a crying fit because my dad and brother were arguing but my brother kept telling me i needed to get a job AND go to school for these two semesters because im moving out of my dad’s house in the spring and i lost my student loan for a few semesters because i failed my classes due to being mentally ill, (moving out is being forced upon me, its not truly my choice and its making me lose my mind from anxiety.....just one of the many things causing me to have panic attacks lol) and i keep trying to explain to him that im applying for disability assistance because my therapist thinks i’d qualify because i have such debilitating anxiety i have panic attacks almost every day (i have had a lot less since being put on the new medication when i went to the hospital, so i dont get them every day but i get them often enough) and sometimes cant even go outside because im too scared/anxious, and then my dad tried to tell my older brother that i CANT work and get disability payments at the same time, and it made them argue even more and i got so overwhelmed that i started crying.....my brother just wanted to rag on the government for not helping disabled people, i dont think he really cared if i was going to be poor or not, and he seems to romanticize being poor and working class and keeps telling me i have to work AND go to school, even though i cant do that because it causes me so much stress and anxiety that i end up doing poorly at school and i cant afford to do poorly at school anymore!!!!! like i fucked up my grades so bad at the last school i went to and i need to do better at school to get my student loan back!!!!! and my dad was frustrated with me because i dont have a lot of life skills and because im mentally ill, but i’ve been doing a lot better with my mental health since being put on seroquel, but i do get anxious about starting tasks and so i put them off because idk how to start and i get overwhelmed, but my therapist gave me coping skills for when i get overwhelmed by trying to start a task and its to do the task in small chunks and eventually i will have it all done!! i also told my dad that i find it helpful if he gives me a time frame to do the tasks in, like yesterday i had to phone the doctor to make an appointment, and he told me to do it before he got back from walking the dog and so i did it, and so idk having a specific time frame to do something in helps me get started.....idk where im going with this, im just kind of stressed out and overwhelmed rn and my family doesnt really seem to care lol.....im almost 24, like next month i’ll be 24 and i feel like such a fuck up because i have problems doing every day tasks and managing my money (i am doing better at that though! i am trying really hard to budget and show my dad that i can manage my money by myself!!) and idk how to cook things like meat unless its in a stir fry or like ground beef in a pan for spaghetti sauce, and that sometimes i get so anxious i cant even go outside because im so scared of getting the coronavirus..... i am trying to be better though, but no one in my family seems to acknowledge it, like i basically am recovering from anorexia with minimal support because i can only afford to see my therapist once every month and a half, i also weight restored myself because i used to be dangerously underweight from the anorexia, the coronavirus situation is hard for EVERYONE too, like everyone is having a hard time coping with it and i have predisposition  to having severe anxiety and panic attacks, and i wasnt even on the proper meds for my bipolar disorder until last month, like i was only on a low dose of an antipsychotic and like prozac, and i was literally just put on a mood stabilizer in december after i had a psychotic episode and had to go to the hospital, but i have found the new medication to be really helpful, im doing a lot better with my depression since being on it, and im not having psychotic symptoms anymore, and its even helping with my anxiety, but today i got overwhelmed because my dad and my brother were like yelling at each other in front of me while my brother tried to be incredibly negative and berate me under the guise of “looking out for me” and then my dad got mad at me because he was mad at my brother and so i started crying, but my dad stopped yelling at me and we talked about it in a constructive way and came up with ideas on how to help me do better and get some skills, and then i went and did some things for starting classes tomorrow which was really good and made me feel better because i was doing something productive and a task i needed to do (putting all the important upcoming dates and assignment due dates from the course outline for my forensic anthropology class in my little planner!!) and then i had a snack and talked to one of my friends, and now i guess im just writing this to get it off my chest because i just needed to vent but i didnt want to like vent to anyone in particular or in the vent channel in the server i mode for so im just making this post and i dont really expect anyone to read it but i just needed to get it off my chest and out of my head to feel better!!!  

[sea-salted-wolverine]

Okay so last week was a shitkicker and was literally so bad I spent the better part of the week trying to delude myself into thinking it was a good day. Like, we're talking, "the sun is shining and I'm here to see it so today is a good day" and "I'm having a bad day- fuck me I am not haveing a bad day- I'm having a good day- I'm not having a bad day". Denial is a powerful tool for mental health, apply judiciously. I get that everyone on earth is kinda having a shitty year but it feels like things just kinda escalated in my little corner

The 7th had a huge snow storm that brought traffic to a stand still. No one could leave the house and university class was online anyway. Batshit customer demanded to pick up her gear anyway. I drove in because I was the only person with keys to the shop that could get to the building. It took me a solid 2 hours going 15mph on the highway. The snow in the parking lot was up past the fenders of my truck. Crazy lady gets 10 out of 18 of her survival suits back but the other 8 still have holes in them because our only repair tech is also the only one who answers the phone or runs the computer or handles customers or cleans or disinfects anything or stores gear. I'll give you one guess who that person is.

Did you guess me? Good for you. Fun fact this was not the case in October.

Crazy lady swans off through the snowed in parking lot and because she cant find the exit, blasts straight through the ditch and onto the road.

I say fuck it and leave. I've been at work for 2 hours. I have made 24 dollars for my trouble. It takes me another hour to get home.

The 8th is Saturday and I'm supposed to be at work. No one can drive. There was another 10 8nches of snow last night. I say fuck work and go to dig out the plow truck. The canopy over the plow truck collapses as I walk out to clear the snow of it.

I do not scream.

My partner and I get the truck running and go plow people out of their driveways and then go do the shop.

We come back home and the heater doesn't work. We just spent most of last week frantically trying to limp the thing along because no heat at -20°F is in a word fucking unpleasant. At least now its 40 degrees warmer because if the snowstorm. We take it apart again. The house smells like diesel. The house smells like exhaust. The house is not cold because the wood stove can keep up at 20 above zero but it won't keep us through the winter.

There is no saving the oil heater. We need a new one.

Its 730 and neither of us have eaten. I start rice in the pressure cooker so I can throw a tasty bite on top and call it dinner and that dies too. Explosively.

Dinner is half cooked rice and microwaved curry.

Sunday is spent finding a way to stretch our increasingly thin budget to buy a new heater. Between us we actually have 2275$ and we will still cover the mortgage. Somehow. All our Christmas gifts will be hand made this year. The next thing that breaks will stay broken.

Monday, power outages due to snow storm. No wifi, no zoom meetings. Another 8 inches of snow. This is now more snow than my city gets for the full year.

My boss calls sobbing. The dog died. Joey, an 11 year old, 130lb mastiff with a tumor the size of a football on his liver has been her constant companion for at least 8 years. The pandemic has confused the bejesus out of him because while he loves the lock down and going out to play every hour or so he doesnt really like the concept of strangers in masks. Hes a guard dog and doesnt understand that men in masks coming into the shop are not here to kill mom they're wearing masks so they don't kill mom.

Mondays the shop is closed anyway and I spend it installing the new heater. It doesn't quite fit in the space the old heater came out of but its warm.

Tuesday, I go to work, everyone cancels class, I once again gently explain to a regular that eugenics is bad. I would like to curse him out. I cant. He drops a grand on scuba gear and leaves, talking about how great his trip to Mexico will be.

I do not scream.

A friend calls to ask how I'm doing. Not great. Yea, her niether. She asks if I want to go out to the backcountry with her over the weekend. I explain that my leg physically does not move and I'm downing copious amounts of advil to remain upright. The doctor sent me in for an MRI but has not yet called back. Plus I'm supposed to go to Valdez for the weekend and actually go diving. That I can do with limited use of my leg.

She says yikes, take it easy, take care of yourself, I love you.

I say, yikes, I'm tired of taking it easy, I wanna play, I love you too.

Hit me up if your plans open up and we can do something gentle on your leg. She says.

God yes. The cold woods away from people sounds like paradise. I dont even care that it will cause me rending physical pain to get there. I need a break.

Its Wednesday. I go to school. I get pulled over. Miraculously I dont get a ticket. I'm white female and conventionaly attractive, maybe not so miraculous. I rolled through a stop sign but I'm pretty sure I couldn't afford a ticket.

I get a text in class. One of the instructors who works with the dive shop has tested positive for covid. I haven't seen the man in 2 months. I needed a spare instructor but he was nowhere to be found. But hey, evidently that's a good thing.

I go to work. I vacillate between doing the job a 4 people and having nothing to do.

I go to the grocery store because I misjudged my last monthly grocery run and even though I'm increasing my exposure I'm out of cheese and tea damnit.

The store is packed. Pandemic who?

My partner and I haven't had a date nite in a while and this week has been shitty. I want a nice dinner. I pick up a couple boxes of the carton sushi which isnt terrible and is about as nice as I can justify on the new budget. I grab a gallon of milk and a few other things. I forgot my wallet in the truck and the cashier is chill and sets my stuff aside while I grab it.

I pay and take my stuff home and realize I left one of my bags at the store. No cheese or tea for me.

Thursday. 10am my phone goes off with an emergency alert. The govoner has grown a spine in light of recent elections and is instituting a voluntary lock down. My state has 500 new cases a day. That might not sound like a lot but theres only 300,000 people in Alaska and we've got poor medical infrastructure.

Unfortunately Alaska is full of Alaskans and nobody can tell us what to do. Nothing changes. 7pm rolls around and I'm teaching scuba classes in the pool.

I load a few hundred pounds of scuba gear into the back of my truck. In a wet wetsuit. In the snow. In a fabric facemask. 6 feet apart. In the pool.

I dont get paid for pool time.

Over the summer we had 6 dive masters including me, all big burly dudes, much better suited to picking things up. Its November and I'm the only one.

The kids I'm teaching are going to Hawaii. They're 10 and 13 and so wildly excited about breathing underwater its beautiful to watch. And they're traveling to an island. In a pandemic.

Friday.

Unload scuba gear so it doesnt get stolen out of the back of my truck while I'm at class. Were doing a make up lab today. Hey of the five student in my class only one of us has covid so theres that.

My boss calls an let's me know that shes left for Valdez without me. If I'd like to make an 8 hour drive by myself in a snowstorm I'm welcome to follow.

I'm in class till an hour before shop closing. I'm not driving across town so I can run on the open sign for half an hour.

The shop stays closed on Friday.

Saturday.

I explained to everyone we had business with that the shop would be closed over the weekend and Friday. I planned on being in Valdez. Hell I canceled plans to be in Valdez.

I open the shop and immediately field calls about why we werent open. I start to explain about the Valdez trip and logistical difficulties and then I realize that shes not mad about that. The woman was here before I opened early this morning. We have never been open that early. The hours are on the door.

A regular comes in. Hes also confused as to why I'm here.

Sunday finds me curled up in bed, reluctant to leave. Getting out of bed has not played out well for me recently.

A friend comes over to chat with my partner about specialist rifle parts. This isnt that wierd, he works at a gun shop and they've been discussing upgrading my partners current rifle set up.

He is wearing a full Scottish kilt. Red tartan. Looks very lovely.

I make zucchini bread and my proportions are a little off because I have too much zucchini so it's a little over moist but it's good. I'm recovering from an asskicker of a week and next week will be better.

Monday morning:

Baby brother has covid

Dads getting the results of his rapid test tonight.

Mom isnt getting tested because she says she doesnt have symptoms but that's not the fucking point mom.

So, I'm not going home for thanksgiving. I'm not diving in Valdez. I'm not skiing backcountry.

I'm not sick. I'm not flat broke yet. I dont have a ticket. I have a job. I have people who care about me. Im managing my physical and mental health as best I can. Im just fucking exhausted.

[grenawitka]

I was tagged by @u-okay-hen- thank you! 💛💛

1. What is the color of your hair brush? i had a red one, but it broke. and now im using my parents that is black and purble but i just ordered one that is made of wood and another ne that is light blue. 

2. Name a food you never eat? im very picky with what i eat so the list is long

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold? too warm

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? daydreaming about the life ill never have lmao

5. What’s your favorite candy bar? i like a lot of candies

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports game? no, the only other sport i like besides hockey is fútbol (football or soccer), but the fans get a little aggressive after the games, and shockingly enough i wouldnt like to die out there, so no, i havent.

7. what was the last thing you said out loud? ella es tan linda (she’s so sweet) (about my tutor being the nicest person on earth)

8. What is your favorite ice cream? its a bar of chocolate that they made an icecream. its called sahne-nuss and its delicious

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? a glass of coca-cola (coke, whatever you guys call it)

10. Do you like your wallet? yeah, i guess. its plain black, i like black.

11. What was the last thing you ate? a banana

12. Did you buy any new clothing last week? i bought a corey perry jersey, because hes my king👑

13. What’s the last sporting event you watched? stars winning game 5. lets go for game 6 tonight!!

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? sweet

15. Who was the last person you sent a text to? nh-ell! shouout to my girls💖

16. Ever go camping? not technically. every summer, me and my cousins set a tent in my backyard and we spent the night but i dont think the world would count it as camping, even tho we totally do lol.

17. Do you take your vitamins? im not exactly trilled with the idea of living so why try and be healthy to make it longer 😌😌

18. Do you regularly attend a place of worship? no

19. Do you have a tan? nope, we just got rid of winter here.

20. Do you prefer chinese or pizza? ive never had chinese food, and pizza is the best invention EVER

21. Do you drink soda through straws? not really but i actually like drinking from straws. reusable ones - LETS SAVE THE PLANET YALL

22. What color socks do you usually wear? i was just gifted a huge amount of socks of all colors and i am living my best life right now

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit? i can barely drive

24. What terrifies you? losing the people i love, but i guess we all fear that

25. Look to your left, what do you see? my wallet, which reminds me i owe my dad money for buying me the corey perry jersey

26. What chore do you hate the most? i hate aking my bed but i love when my bed is made. i guess is the price to pay.

27. What do you think when you hear an australian accent? i think about a movie where a group of friends go into the middle of nowhere in australia and when they go back to their homes the world was at war. i cant remember the name of the movie, it wasnt good either, but the trauma of that happening stayed with me. also chris hemsworth. 

28. What’s your favorite soda? coca-cola. i think americans call it coke. nothing better than something that kills your liver

29. Do you ever go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? drive thru arent very popular in my country. i mean, they exist but we usually dont use them.fast food places are where is at

30. What’s your favorite number? 27

31. Who’s the last person you talked to? my mom

32. Favorite cut of beef? whatever is eatable, idk. i just eat it

33. last song you listened to? punto y aparte by morat 🎼

34. Last book you read? guys, i dont read, stop asking me this 🙃

35. Favorite day of the week? friday’s but only at night because i have classes in the morning. friday’s are ussually family day - we all gather and we dance, drink, sing and do something stupid. i love my family.

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? if im drunk enough i can do whatever 💯

37. How do you like your coffee? i dont drink coffe

38. Favorite pair of shoes? i just bought a pair of brown boots, and theyre so fluffy and warm and pretty, but dont wear them because im in lockdown :(

39. Time you normally get up? 8:00am, but only because i have classes either way it would probably be at 1pm. i love my sleep😌

40. Do you prefer sunrise or sunset? sunset

41. Describe your kitchen plates? a have a few that are plain white, others have an organge adge, others have flowers, others have blue and red stripes. i own a lot of plates

42. How many blankets are on your bed? 4, we just reached spring in my country, so its still a little bit chilly down here in chile

43. Describe your kitchen at the moment? white, with a table... i dont know how to describe places, sorry😅

44. Do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? i change favorite drink, like i change socks but right now im really into diaquiris. also, i like making my own drinks.

45. Do you play cards? yes, tho i just know how to play a few type of games. i usually play with my family

46. What color is your car? my parents have a car and its black👍🏻

47. Can you change a tire? kinda. i struggle a little but yeah i can do it.

48. Favorite state? new york - its my dream place (i love cities. oh to ignore everyone!), tho im poor and i could never afford to live there 🙃

49. Favorite job you’ve had? i’ve never worked before

50. tagging: tagging people gives me anxiety because i think they may not like it and therefore won’t like me, and today sucks so i won’t do it (unless anybody wants to)

[dumb-naive-bitch]

I'm kind of really glad that nobody reads this page of mine anymore, so then I can vent to myself about how I'm truly feeling at this moment, and put it into words without being judged or told to stop complaining.

I know 2020 has been rough for a lot of people, but its extra hard on us who thought every other year was rough to begin with. Im sick of waking up every day knowing I have to go through the same fucking motions over and over and feeling like my life is going nowhere and yet I'm just getting older, fatter, uglier, etc. Its depressing on top of my depression. It doesn't matter if you have a decent job in this day and age because you still won't be able to afford shit. You won't be able to live in a house or apartment by yourself unless you want to be mortgage/rent poor. Im going to school and I dont even fucking want to because what's the point? If you don't have a doctorate, you once again wont be able to afford shit even after you have a degree. Im over 70 thousand in student loan debt and I have absolutely nothing to show for it, with roughly 30 to 40 thousand more to go to get a basic degree that will probably increase my current pay by 5 dollars an hour maximum. How fucking exciting and motivating is that? Like what is the point of living if you can't afford to do anything or have anything despite working hard for years and years? I'm honestly so over this fucking mundane every day bullshit that has no purpose because why even bother staying alive to not be happy? I dont know what is more annoying then people saying "money can't buy you happiness" because I would slap the fuck out of that person right now. Money would keep me from wondering if I'm going to be able to pay my car payment, or the 10 credit cards I racked up because buying small things like clothes/shoes is one of the only things that makes me happy and gives me something to look forward to. Other than that, I have my dogs which I would die for, but honestly that causes me more stress and anxiety than I ever care to admit.

Its exhausting feeling trapped in a mind full of stress and worry and no light at the end of the tunnel because no circumstance in my life can ever change drastically enough to erase the despair that has become my reality. Ten plus years of major depressive disorder and anxiety with no relief because of once again not being able to afford the proper resources to get better, well that just sounds like a full circle, never-ending fuck of a life doesn't it? People out there who have it good just say shit like "start over," "find what you like to do," "get a different job," like how does any of that sound possible when you have no money to do any of those things? I'm so tired of everything being hard for me. Every fucking thing in my life is hard, yet other people get everything handed to them. Why? Do I want everything handed to me, fuck no. I rarely take help when offered because I'm not a charity case. I want my hard work to pay off, but you cannot get ahead in a society such as ours because everything costs so fucking much that you have to pick and choose between necessities. So basically, as a lower-middle class citizen its impossible for me to be happy and also live within my means, and in SC I make more than double minimum wage. How the hell to people who only make that afford to live? Or have anything nice? They will never be able to be independent, because affording housing for yourself with that salary is damn near impossible.

This short release of emotions I had planned in my head turned into a much longer bitchfest then I intended, but its just hard to go to bed every night knowing I'm still going to be me when I wake up. I truly cannot do it anymore. Im also so sick of worrying about how others will feel if I just die. They never say "I understand it must be hard for you to have to live like this every day, so I respect your decision because it is your life." Nope, they say shit like "just think how I would feel, or how so and so would feel if you were gone." Like why am I the selfish one in this situation? Because I don't want this life for myself? So fucking sorry your lives are so fucking great that you couldn't possibly see this through my eyes. No amount of telling someone how you feel is going to change how bad they truly want to hear it. Sick of trying to explain my feelings to people who don't really care to hear it, and definitely not understand it. Probably why I need a therapist. Oh wait, can't afford one so I will continue to suffer within my own thoughts and feelings.

They wonder why suicide is so fucking common among young people. Like do you see what we have to deal with? Besides the topics I mentioned previously, what about constantly seeing celebrities flash their endless shiny and fancy shit all over social media and the instgram models making you hate your fucking self for wanting to eat. Don't follow them? It doesn't matter if you do or don't because you will see it in ads or on one of your friend's pages anyway. You basically need to live off grid, grow your own food, live in a cabin in the woods without any form of media or form of entertainment whatsoever to rid that shit of your life. I also do not want that, so here I am yet again stuck again. Pitty me, pitty me hey? I dont have it that bad people will say. I have somewhere to live, a car, a job, blah blah blah. Like they know a single fuck about what races through my head all day every day. The stress, the feeling of failure, the feeling of not being good enough, the feeling of being trapped, the feeling of whats going on behind my back in my relationship, the feeling of why don't I have the motivation to do my school work, or finish the 5 projects I started, or go for a walk or run, or workout, or eat better, or want to do anything other than sit on my fucking couch and watch TV while my brain continues to race subcontiously, or why the fuck I cant just be happy? It's because not everyone is satisfied with the "simpler things in life." I want to be able to have options in my life. Like if I see something I want thats going to make me happy, I want to be able to buy it. I want to be able to go and travel to do it. I want to be able to relax and not have to worry if I buy or do that thing am I going to be able to pay my bills or buy food. Its debilitating for me. I am controlled by this disease that never lets my mind rest or be happy. Life is simply not worth living if it has to be this hard every day with no sign of a possibility to be better because of the circumstances I have been exposed to. You can't change certain things no matter what and those are things that im not willing to live with anymore. Im suffering and thats not what I want for myself. I want it gone, and for me I only have one option and I'm okay with it. I've been okay with it for over a decade now and that's never going to change. Period.

[gotatext]

TASK OO1 / OOC SURVEY.

[kermit voice] hallo.... its me 

YOUR ALIAS & NICKNAMES — nora

AGE — 23

TIMEZONE — gmt

PREFERRED PRONOUNS — she/her

MBTI — enfp-infp border cos im an introvert who Masquerades as an extrovert :)

HP HOUSE — i spent 10 yrs of my life thinkin i was gryffindor.... to find out.... huffle....puff...... 

ARE YOU A STUDENT? WHAT DO YOU STUDY? — i fuckin wish! being a student was dope af i got stressed about essays like once a month and apart from that i was just chillin, surrounded by really intelligent people every day n livin it up on the party scene. adult life fucking sucks no one wants to have fun cos we all work fuckin tonnes of hours so we can afford to eat and get paid peanuts xx

ARE YOU ENJOYING IT? — im really afraid of bein one of those jock types who peaked in high school but i deff peaked in uni like 100% i was way more interesting 2 years ago

LINKS TO OTHER ACCOUNTS & SOCIAL MEDIA — im not showin u my instagram bc im a fuckin embarassment but this is pinterest , this is my personal blog, this is my writing / 1x1 blog i never use any more n this is my trash talking twitter where i mostly just cry about timothee chalamet and bash the tories. 

DISCORD USER — kristine’s forehead vein#8664

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FICTION GENRE? — i dont read fanfiction much but when i do u can be sure it’s slow burn angsty enemies to lovers mutual pining heart attack every time one of them accidentally brushes the other’s hand

TOP FIVE FAVOURITE FILMS — suspiria (2018 luca guadagnino version rogue i kno but i prefer the remake), the lobster, before sunrise, baz luhrmann romeo + juliet, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind,  thoroughbreds (REC!! so underwatched pls watch it. compelling female characters), hunt for the wilderpeople (also so underwatched), swiss army man, call me by your name, atonement, moonrise kingdom, trainspotting, the florida project. i rlly like films ok

A BOOK YOU FEEL “CHANGED” YOU? — the song of achilles by madeline miller n also fen by daisy johnson

A MOVIE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? — booksmart cos its fuckin dope

WHAT IS YOUR SIGN? — libra

ARE YOU INTO ASTROLOGY? —  i like to pretend im super invested in it mostly to anger my friends but tbh.... i just use it as a rough guide for character creation.... its fun but i dnt .... fully invest in what it has to say..... altho i am the most unbalanced n indecisive bitch on earth so i guess they got that right !! i just live to please baybeyy!

WHAT PLATFORMS HAVE YOU ROLEPLAYED ON? — tumblr for about 8 year (omg) n before tht facebook..... i was very embarassingly in a twilight rp..... i wrote jane..... i also rped as a scene kid oc n when i was like 12 i was on some weird forum harry potter roleplay where i basically played a self insert with georgie henley as the fc......

WHAT OTHER HOBBIES DO YOU HAVE? — i used to have so many hobbies but now i jst lie in my bed staring at the ceiling. but before i was workin like a dog i loved reading, writing, acting in theatre productions..... going out on the town getting bevved..... big druggy EDM nights in warehouses tht probably weren’t liscenced for tht many ppl..... gigs... costume-design and making, spoken word poetry, acrylic painting n rollerskating but my sister broke my skates abt two years ago in vengeance and i’ll never forgive her that fuckin bitch

HAVE ANY PETS? IF SO, TALK ABOUT THEM! — no my landlord is a fascist

IS THERE A TV SHOW YOU RECOMMEND A LOT? — i’ll never stop reccing euphoria!! also i was pleasantly surprised by looking for alaska!! but i also rlly like bob’s burgers, parks and rec, good omens.... black mirror, n sharp objects. lovesick on bbciplayer (n netflix i think) is also rlly fun

ANY SHOWS YOU LIKE SOME MIGHT BE SURPRISED TO HEAR THAT YOU DO? — maybe love island, idk if i talk abt that much bc i am ashamed but i am so obsessed with it. i even got the love island game n got so invested in my fictional relationship w bobby tht i had to delete it

WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? WOULD YOU RECOMMEND IT? — god god... i haven’t finished a book in ages.... i recently started reading milkman by anna burns, the bees by laline paull and everything under by daisy johnson.... bt the last book i read cover to cover was probs circe. defs read it. feminist and witchy

CURRENTLY READING? — i jst said this but the bees, everything under and less so milkman cos im finding milkman a bit tough

LAST FILM? REC IT? — i watched ladyworld the lord of the flies all-female remake n even maya hawke could not save it.... dnt get me wrong from an art film point of view i loved it but it felt a bit underdeveloped n a level media studies for me..... apart from tht?? the runaways (yorkshire film not released yet at a preview screening) and threads (also a yorkshire film from the 80s about nuclear apocalypse)

THREE MOVIES YOU NEED TO WATCH — portrait of a lady on fire, i work at an independent cinema n we recently had a preview screening and everyone said it was SICK, uhhhh short term 12, n the new eliza scanlen movie babyteeth

WHAT MOVIE DO YOU THINK YOU’VE SEEN THE MOST TIMES? — madagascar because when i was 12 my parents bought me a little television with a dvd player in it for my birthday and madagascar was the only dvd i owned for like..... the first two years of havin the absolute luxury of a tv in my room so i just used to watch it all the time n i now basically know the script inside out

WHAT ALWAYS PUTS YOU IN A GOOD MOOD? — nothing, life is pointless n i hate fun, let me rot in peace

WHO IS YOUR FAVOURITE MUSICIAN / BAND? LIST IF THERE ARE MORE THAN ONE. — ughhh god probably lcd soundsystem. gorillaz, the streets, tame impala, talking heads, soft hair, i also love lizz tho n also angry twangy guitar girl bands like girlpool, courtney barnett, best coast, cherry glazerr,

WILD NIGHT OUT OR QUIET NIGHT IN? — quiet night in my party days are over i cant even be bothered to go to the shops if its past 4.30pm and dark these days

ANY PHOBIAS? — clowns n rats

DO YOU LIKE BUGS? — absolutely not

BIRDS? — yes but not if they fly in my face

ARE YOU A CAT OR DOG PERSON? BOTH? — i love both i want one 

BIGGEST PET PEEVE? — tory middle aged boomers who treat me like actual shit on their shoe because i work in the service industry like thats my choice and their poor economic decisions didnt mean i have to do a shitty job to afford to live bcos of austerity n cuts to arts funding meaning i cant get a job writing unless i self-fund :)))

FAVOURITE THING ABOUT THE RPC? — that everyone ive met through rp is a fuckin LAFF

TOP TEN FAVE FCS TO USE? — god .... diana silvers, timothee chalamet, margaret qualley, kristine froseth, froy gutierrez, zendaya, elle fanning, astrid berges frisbey, hunter schafer, leonardo dicaprio

FIVE YOU LIKE WRITING AGAINST? — herman tomeraas, hunter schafer, saoirse ronan, timothee chalamet, froy gutierrez

FAVOURITE TYPE OF FOOD? — linda mccartney 1/2pounder mozzarella veggie burgers, sweet potato wedges, tomato soup, mozzarella sticks, brownies

WORST FOOD? — green things like broccoli n sprouts gross. baked beans cos as a kid ppl used to do baked bean baths for comic relief / red nosed day a lot n i thought when they were finished in the baked bean bath they just put all the cold beans back in the tin. actually anything small that moves around on your plate. peas. spaghetti. sweetcorn. i dont like small things i cant control.

DO YOU PLAY VIDEOGAMES? IF SO, WHAT ONES AND ON WHAT PLATFORM DO YOU PREFER? — last year my housemate had an xbox n i went through a phase of obsessively playin fable 3 it was amazing. i had like 5 husbands and 3 wives and loads of kids but they all ended up leavin me cos i spent so much time out doing quests neglecting them

ANYTHING ELSE YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE WITH THE TAG? — this

LASTLY, HOW DID YOU FIND US? — im one of those bitches who was in this grp all the way back when it was swipe... so quirky and original!! i knew the band before u! anyway im goin now this has been sufficiently embarassing..... i am lame