#im so glad i have been alive to go to all the concerts and the rave that i went to in the past year and a half it was so so good

[night-dragon937]

gods listening to music of artists that i've gone and seen in concert/at raves and just like. reliving the euphoria of the moment when i was there at the live performance like. obviously sitting at my desk with my headphones is not the same as being at a rave or concert but i can kind of capture some of the memory and those good feels are just smth else

[sweet-creature101]

Kiwi

Summary: Harry recently started his solo carrier and Sarah recommmeds y/n as his lead guitarist. Harry finds himself intimidated by y/n and y/n could not care less.

famous!harry ; an enemies to lovers trope

part two

warnings: mention of alcohol. Swearing. Suggestive language and sexual tension.

“Come on Harry trust me on this. It won’t go downhill. She’s really good.” Sarah pleaded her case for the tenth time since the past one hour. Harry was certain she would talk his ear off.

“What was her name again?” Mitch asked Sarah.

“Y/n.”

“Sarah, I don’t know about this. I’ve known you all since a long time and it’s easy to work with you.” Harry said, slightly skeptical about a new addition to his team.

Harry knew who you were, a very successful songwriter and one hell of a guitar player. He knew you worked with bands like 5sos, 21 Pilots and even wrote a few songs on Taylor’s swifts album, Reputation. He saw you at a concert once and immediately fell in love with the way your presence consumed the concert wholly. No one cared about who was singing because everyone’s eyes were fixated on the young seductress clad in black leather and playing her instrument as if her life depended on it.

“You can only grow if you’re out of your comfort zone.” Sarah firmly stated, crossing her arms over her chest huffing out a breath.

Harry thought about it for a good minute. He needed someone with experience and you seemed to have it. You knew how to write and what to write. Perhaps a little experiment wouldn’t be so bad.

“Okay. I’m trusting your judgement on this.” Harry said nodding.

“Great because y/n’s in the elevator right now.” Sarah said giggling slightly. “Thank God you didn’t say no. Would’ve been a difficult conversation.” She mumbled, relived at how the situation panned out.

The apartment bell rang and Sarah jumped out of her seat startling Mitch who was sitting next to her. She took long strides towards the door.

“Y/n! Oh my gosh, it’s been ages! You look wonderful!” Sarah said hugging you. You smiled and hugged her back, glad to meet her once again after what seemed like a century.

“Thank you. How’ve you been?” You asked her, not bothering to take note of the two men who seemed to scrutinise your interaction with quite a lot of concentration.

“Same ol’ same ol” Sarah chuckled as she let you in.

“Harry, Mitch meet y/n.” Sarah introduced you to them. You found yourself in an awkward postion so you simply gave a wave and a loose smile.

If Harry was a ball of sunshine then you were a raging hurricane. The two of you were polar opposites. Harry radiated warmth and seemed to be the kind of person whom other people could talk to. Meanwhile you on the other hand were someone who kept to themselves.

Harry couldn’t help but notice your sweeping eyeliner. He observed it quite attentively, how it was winged at the edge of your eye and in the inner corner as well in a feline manner. You wore low waisted jeans with a fitted graphic black tee shirt that ended just below your navel, showing a silver of skin.

“So y/n, what’s your work like?” Mitch asked you.

“I write mainly rock but I’m open to new suggestions.” You said. Sarah nodded as if to say ‘awesome.’

Your voice was firm and authoritative as you answered the question. Harry found himself completly entranced by this complexity of a person that stood in front of him. He figured it out the minute you walked into the room with your head held high that working with you wouldn’t be easy.

“Do you have any questions Harry?” Sarah asked him. Harry only nodded no.

“Great. Im going out for a smoke.” You said leaving the three of them alone again.

“She’s scary.” Harry said once the door shut. Sarah rolled her eyes in response. “She’s a no nonsense person Harry.”

“And scary.” He added again.

“I know you’re not used to people like her. Just because you’re both literal opposites doesn’t mean she’ll eat you alive.” Sarah snorted. “You like her, don’t you Mitch?” Sarah asked him. Mitch only swallowed and replied, “I like her better on stage.”

“Oh hush both of you. Give her time.”

——————————————

“It doesn’t sound good.” Harry huffed out impatiently, staring at the lyrics he scribbled. It had been more than a week since everyone started to work on his debut album.

Harry began to habour a certain disliking for you, owing to lack of your participation and one word answers. You would sit away from everyone, scribble in your diary and would rarely look up from its pages.

“You know what guys, let’s just take a breather yeah?” Jeff, Harry’s manager said getting up from his chair and stretching his legs.

“I’m going out for a walk.” Sarah said, pulling Mitch to his feet as well. Harry was about to get up as well but Sarah mouthed to him; ‘talk to her’ as she gestured towards you. Harry looked at her with wide eyes and was ready to protest but Sarah was quick on her feet.

“Y/n.” Harry called out your name. You looked up at him, the loose strands strands of your braid fell down framing your face. You raised your eyebrows as if to say ‘speak on.’

Harry cleared his throat. “What are you writing?”

“Nothing much. Just an idea.” You said. That was the most you had spoken.

Harry noticed that today, there was no eyeliner but smudged kohl lining your eyes. You opted for a plain white tank top and a pair of mini cargo shorts. A surprise for Harry who was much too used to seeing you in black.

“I think, everyone would appreciate it if you would participate more you know?” Harry said. You only nodded and went back to scribbling.

“See! This is what you do y/n. You don’t talk. You’re so busy doing God knows what. I get it, you know you’re talented but that doesn’t mean you’re better than us.” Harry exploded. You shut your dairy hard and stared at him with rage.

“It’s been almost two weeks since you joined us. Have you contributed in any way?” Harry added, his voice reaching a higher octave and getting louder by the second.

“First of all, I don’t think I’m fucking better than you and second of all, instead of blaming me why don’t you recognise the fact that you’re scared and absolutely clueless.” You spat at him.

“I’m not scared.” Harry said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Yeah right.” You scoffed rolling your eyes. “You’re so scared that you’re putting the blame on me just because I’m the newbie. This solo carrier is new to you and that terrifies the shit out of you Harry. So much that you can’t even work. If I have to be the punching bag then I’m fucking leaving.” You stated grabbing your bag.

“You don’t know shit y/n.”

You didnt care about what Harry said next as you walked out of the room.

—————————————————

“Was it really necessary Harry?” Jeff said, rubbing his head with his hands. The stress of not having completed the album began to increase.

“I told you, ‘give her some time.’ Did you do that Harry? No. You just had to say something.” Sarah said, flinging her arms in the air.

“I mean, was Harry wrong though? Y/n was… just there you know. She didn’t talk, she didn’t help. Good riddance I say.” Mitch said.

The whole group was torn up over this. Harry began to feel guilt overpower him, but the rage he felt at your words was far too much for him to hone. He knew you were right and he hated you for that. He hated you for the fact that you were so good at reading him. Harry knew that you didn’t talk because you were shy but because you never found yourself as engaged as the others. You were aloof, and gave the impression that nothing bothered you at all.

“It’s been what; six days since she stormed off?” Jeff asked harry.

“Seven.”

“Jesus.”

Harry was certain that you overreacted to the situation. Granted, you didn’t want to be here and Harry left no stone unturned when it came to reminding you his dislike for you.

The door bell rang, Harry got up to look through the key hole. He felt the colour drain from his face. It was you. Standing in front of the door.

“It’s her.” Harry whispered with his eyes wide.

“You know I can hear you, ya dick. Open the door or I’m leaving.” You, irritation lacing your face.

You began to hate Harry or at least develop an aggressive aversion towards him as time passed. You hated how he seemed to have enough energy throughout the day to burst into a song. You hated that he was all smiles and giggles every second of the day. The only one thing you liked about him was how intimadated he was by you. But you knew that he could be much more terrifying than you when the time came.

“Pick your poison.” Mitch said.

Harry opened the door to meet your black smudged eyes. You push him as you enter the room and slam the diary on the centre table with a loud thud.

“Here you go. You said Im no help at all. Well I beg to differ. I’ve written three songs.” You said. Harry picked up the diary and flipped through the pages.

Kiwi

Medicine

Only angel

Strange names for such explicit songs.

Harry passed the diary to Sarah who looked at the songs with amazement.

“Harry we’ve got to add these.” Sarah said, excitement lacing her eyes.

“I don’t need anyone to plead my case. If he likes them, good enough.” You said, your voice unwavering as you looked at Harry who narrowed his eyes at you.

“I like them.”

—————————————

Within a week, all recordings were done and the album was ready to launch. Jeff suggested that the four of you should to go out, let off some steam because life would never be the same once the album got released.

Everyone was quite surprised when you suggested a place to party. You were quite intent on getting shit faced because the past month had been a whirlwind to say the least.

You wore a black mini dress, encased with sequins that was backless. Your eyes were lined with heavy kohl and mascara. Your whole face was bare other than your eyes.

“Johnnieeeee!” You exclaim to the large bouncer, a smile on your face as you high five him.

“Y/n been a long time. I see you’ve got friends.” He said, eyeing the people behind you.

Sarah felt that the club you brought them to too was far too dark and dingy for her liking. It was dark and the music was blaring. The club smelt of sex, drugs and alcohol. Your natural habitat. She held Mitchs hand in hers who was amused at her behaviour.

“I promise I’ll be good.” You say, looking up at him with doe eyes and a sly smile. John chuckled and let you in the club.

“We have go to do shots.” You exclaim to all three of them. Harry was surprised at your behaviour to say the least, he never would’ve pegged you as someone who even had the ability to smile let alone laugh.

“Nope. I’m driving.” Sarah said throwing her hands up in the air.

“Jeez such a buzzkill.” You said making Sarah roll her eyes. You stuck your tongue out at her as you made your way to the bar with Harry and Mitch.

“Don’t stop till your at least ten shots down.” You said with a cunning smile and excited eyes.

“Ten?!” Mitch exclaimed.

“Six.” Harry interjected.

“Deal.”

Harry learnt a great deal about that night. Especially the fact that you have a tendency to dance with almost anyone and everyone.

He saw you make your way to the dancefloor, not bothered about the fact that you had no one to dance with. You swayed your hips to the song, your arms moving and a bright smile etched on your face. You were surrounded by men and women. Harry saw you dance with a man whom you didn’t know, he wished you would be that carefree with him.

After an hour of drinking and talking, Harry found you dancing on the table with a few other people.

“Is this normal?” He asked Sarah who snickered in response. “Yep. She’s a fun drunk.”

You spot Harry and get down from the table, stumbling forward. The strap of your heel loosened and Harry quickly caught hold of you.

“Wait a second.” Harry said, as he kneeled down to fix your strap. Once he got up he saw your glassy eyes laiden with lust and simply smirked.

“You like watching me get down on my knees for you, huh?” Harry whispered in your ear, his grip harsh around your waist as he pulled you towards himself . You felt heat rise up your thighs and stomach.

“Isn’t that what men are good for anways?” You whispered, closing any gap you two had as you put one hand behind his neck, tugging him closer to you. “Don’t think this changes anything betwen us Styles. You’re still a nightmare.” You whispered to him in his ear slowly.

You stood so close to each other that you could feel each others heat radiate. Harry’s heart raced as his eyes met yours. You were cautious with your gaze, afraid that if you looked any longer in his eyes, he might spot the hunger in yours just as you might see his making you lose any self control you exercised.

“I have someone waiting for me.” You spoke, breaking the silence. Harry raised his eyebrows in amusement as his hands wandered down your waist to your lower back. He buried his face in the crook of your neck as he left a bite there. You let out a soft moan, turning into complete putty in his grip.

“I could fuck you much better y/n.” He said, his voice dangerously low.

“I don’t want to be fucked missionary style that’ll leave me unsatisfied.”

“Your moan said otherwise.”

Two can play this game.

You wiggled out of his grip, ignoring the throbbing between your legs as you sauntered towards the dance floor, blowing a kiss at Harry from a distance.

——————————————

“Hello?” Your groggy voice spoke into the microphone of your phone. Your head throbbing due to last night.

“Y/n. Where are you?” Jeff asked you.

“Home.”

“Come over to Harry’s. Got something to discuss.”

“I’ll be there in five.” You said before hanging up on the phone.

You washed your face, put on a large tee shirt and an oversized pair of sunglasses. You brushed your hair and slipped into your slippers. It was a ten minute drive to Harry’s house. The radio was silent. The windows were rolled down because you needed fresh air now more than ever.

You reached his flat and rang the doorbell.

“My my look who’s here.” Harry taunted as he opened the door to see you in an oversized tee shirt, legs bare and slippers. He couldn’t control all the thoughts that seemed to slip in and out his head as he saw your legs.

“Show me your eyes love.” Harry snickered knowing they must be bloodshot. You flipped him off and plopped down on the bean bag, groaning as you held your head.

“You seemed to have a lot of fun last night.” Mitch said, getting a stare from Sarah. “You should see the videos.” He added. Your head shot up at his words.

“Videos?”

“Yep. They’re too good.” He snickered. You removed your sunglasses and pounced at Harry who began to play videos of you dancing on table tops.

“Give. Me. The. Damn. Phone.” You said in between breathes as you attempted to strangle Harry. You were about to smack Harry but he picked you up by your waist, throwing you on his shoulder.

“Put me down.” You stated firmly.

“Only if you don’t strangle me.” Harry said chuckling at your sorry state.

“I don’t make promises Styles.”

“Too bad. I’ll post it if you continue to be a brat.” He said.

“Fine.”

Harry put you down, running a hand through your messy hair which you swatted off. He noticed how young you looked without lining your eyes, a different girl, perhaps even innocent. You looked like a doe. You looked beautiful.

“You’re drolling on the carpet Styles.” You said rolling your eyes at him.

“Am I supposed to deny that I find you attractive?” He questioned, his voice low and alluring. He spoke slow enough to make your thighs quiver. Your mind suddenly flashed you images of how his large hand felt against your waist last night.

“I’m too hungover for this.” The only defense left.

This was new to you. This feeling of loathing someone to no extent but also finding them undeniably attractive. Attractive enough to make your thoughts wander off to forbidden places and scenarios.

“What happened to your neck?” Sarah said, noticing the love bite that Harry left the other night. You rolled your head back as you rubbed your eyes with a yawn. Harry felt proud to say the least, he smirked and winked at you while you barely controlled the urge to smash his face in the table neck to him.

“Why am I even here?” You said groaning. “The work is done. The albums done. What do you possibly need for me now?” You added.

“Come to tour with us.” Jeff said, his manager persona now showing.

“What?”

“Yes.”

“It wasn’t in the contract Jeff.”

“Consider this, an impromptu decision.” He reasoned with you.

“I’ll do only concerts. No interviews. No playing for videos and no recordings.” You said.

“Deal.”

You huffed a breath as you reached for the glass of water next to you. “That’s mine!” Harry whined. You flipped him off as you wore your sunglasses and went to sleep.

“Oh y/n what’s your Instagram?” Jeff asked. You scoffed at his question, “don’t have one.” You simply said. “Well, Harry follows his band members so-”

“No.” and with that you went to sleep.

—————————————

The album was a success to say the least. Everyone seemed to recognise Harry as Harry styles and not as Harry from One Direction. It was bitter sweet to say the least. Harry was excited and enthralled to be able to embark a whole new journey.

The album release party was a success. But you weren’t there, Harry had called you not once but twice asking you why you weren’t there.

“Y/n, it’s already six, why aren’t you at the party?” Harry asked you on call.

“Because I didn’t plan on going.” A short answer. Your one word answers now began to become a bit longer but they annoyed Harry nonetheless.

“The whole band’s here.”

“I’m not part of your band Harry. I helped you write your songs.” You stated.

“But you’re going to tour with us.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

And now as Harry stood in front of the stage, waiting for the crowd to pour in, he wondered where you were. You had insisted on driving to the show venue on your own instead of travelling with the band. Harry tried to persuade you but you didn’t budge.

“Is she here?” Harry asked Jeff who only nodded no. Harry was getting worried now. He was supposed to get ready, but he was much to engaged in wondering about your whereabouts. It was his first show and your words about him being scared rang in his head.

“She’ll be here don’t worry.” Jeff said.

By the time Harry got ready, he spotted you, a cigarette in your mouth as you look towards the stage. You wore a latex, dark emerald coloured waistcoat that resembled a corset. It pushed your breasts together and ended just above the curve of your waist. You wore low waisted black bell bottoms. The waistcoat and the bell bottoms gave off the illusion of an hourglass figure. Your eyes were covered in your signature feline eyeliner, curving in the inner and outer corner of your eye.

“Y/n!” Harry called your name. You looked up at him, a lazy smile on your face as you disposed the cigarette.

“My my look at you styles. A fucking prince you are.” You said snickering. Harry stuck his tongue out at you. He wore a red blazer clad with black flowers and the same pattern was all over his trousers. His hair were unruly yet only added to his charm.

“Ya scared?” You asked him.

“No. I mean, I’m just…. excited yet scared you know?”

“Hmm.”

“You stick out like a sore thumb.” Harry said, his eyebrows raised at you as he scanned you up and down.

“Excuse me for not wanting to dress up as a fucking rainbow.” You said scowling at Harry who passed you a smile. “Y’know what would really go well with your top?” Harry said, his eyes twinkling. “What?”

“Wait.” Harry ran off of to his dressing room, fetching a silver cross necklace. The cross was heavy and large, engraved with swirls and very small rubies decorating it. Harry gestured you to turn around, his hands brushed against your skin as he snapped it’s lock in place. The cross rested against the curve of your breasts, demanding attention and praise. “How about a hickey to tie your look together?” Harry questioned.

“From you? Not even in your dreams Styles.” You said. Harry smirked at you and went towards the stage.

—————————————

Harry felt alive. He felt free and invincible on stage. But you, you were the personification of sex. The minute Kiwi began to play, the crowds focus shifted from Harry to you.

You whipped your hair back and forth, your back arching, a cigarette encased in your pink lips, sweat gleaming down the curves of your waist, breasts and arms. The crowd went absolutely wild as you winked at them. Harry’s photographer, Lloyd was entranced with you. He couldn’t help but photograph you. Your eyebrows were sinched together in focus, your eyes closed, your mouth slightly open and your body fully arched.

After the first concert, the fans and media were deep diving into who you were and tried to uncover your identity. As the tour progressed, the crowd began to make posters stating things like “we’re here for y/n!” “Give us y/n!”

There were pictures of you everywhere, playing the guitar as your face morphed into an expression which Harry called your “orgasm face.”

Harry was asked about you during interviews as well, the media was left questioning about your identity and they found themselves allured by a recent stunt you pulled at a concert.

You jumped off the stage during Medicine and went up to a man, roughly around your age if not older. The man lit the cigarette in your mouth with his lighter as you winked at him and murmured “thank you love.”

—————————————

The tour had finally ended. You were in your dressing room, your chest heaving up and down. The adrenaline after the show still lingering in your blood stream. You removed your top and were standing in your bra, the minute Harry barged in.

“Knock on my door ya’dick!” You said, crossing your arms over your chest which did nothing at all to ease Harry since your breasts were pushed up.

After months of sexual tension, Harry finally felt himself crack.

“Got to teach you some manners.” You murmured.

“Really?” He tutted, pulling you by the loop of your jeans.

You understood where this was heading. “Hmm.” You hummed, moving your hands slowly on the buttons of his shirt. Harry caught your wrist making you look up at him. He looked in your eyes, deep and seriously as if to contemplate his actions. You pulled him by his neck, close enough that your foreheads touched.

“M’gonna regret this.” He whispered. He didn’t give you a chance to respond as he connected his lips to yours, his tongue swirling in your mouth. His hands wandered down the curve of your spine and lingered there. You deepened the kiss, letting your hunger overpower you. He wasn’t close enough, you needed his skin next to yours, rubbing, you needed to feel him, you needed him.

There was a knock on the door, you immediately recoil away from Harry although his hands were still on your bare back. “Y/n, Vanessa’s here for you.” Laura, his assistant said.

Vanessa and you were supposed to head out to paris the next morning. Harry felt a hole cave in his chest, remembering about your departure.

“I’ll be there.” You said.

You kissed Harry, a sweet and soulful kiss. Not the one that was ruled with consumption and the urge to mark.

“You should stay.” Harry whispered, holding you.

“I never stay anywhere for too long.”

Harry looked at you, his eyes staring into yours as you squeezed his hand. “Who’re you gonna strangle now?” You laughed remembering all the times you tried to strangle and choke him, resting your head on his chest.

“I’ve got to go.” You said, slipping out of his grip, slipping on a tee shirt as you picked up your stuff.

Harry looked at you with a look of longing. How stupid. How cruel. How unfair. He thought to himself as he saw you leave.

“When will I see you again?” He asked you.

“When it’s the right time.” You said, kissing his cheek.

——————————————

Authors note; how are we feeling about a part two? let me know in the comments section <3

[mybiasisexo]

Hi! Hope u had a great day!

Can I just vent for a sec? If u don’t mind?

Okay here it goes… I rly need solo stans to shut. the. fuck. up. Like rly I do. As we know, Baek had his concert (which looked fantastic btw! I’m so proud of him!) and ofc, some of members came to show their support (im sure if Sehun and Jongin weren’t enlisted/busy they’d be there. Same goes for Yixing). However some miserable people wanted to use this ammunition or proof (whatever the fuck they want to call it) that the members don’t like each other, completely over analyzing their actions/words. Tbh, it’s mainly Kyungsoo and Baekhyun stans I see this from. Tho some other solo fandoms have been yapping about too. For some reason, they’ve gotten brave since Ksoo and CBX left sm (ofc I’m happy that they’re out of the shithole that’s sm). Like it’s 20-fucking-24! And yall still don’t believe that they like each other yet? Seriously? They’ve been together for nearly 15 years at this point. And they are FUCKING GROWN ASS ADULTS! If they didn’t like each other or want to be around each other, then they wouldn’t interact at all outside of work. Yet, how many times do we hear stories of ppl running into them while they’re on LITERAL “DATES” WITH EACH OTHER. Stop treating them like they’re in high school ffs! Every time any member is asked about exo during solo activities, they always say how they’re lucky to have them and that they’re family/brothers/lifelong friends.

If you don’t like the group or certain members, fine. That’s how you feel. I can’t change that. But you need to shut your damn mouths and show some respect! As the saying goes: if you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say anything at all. Just remember, any of them members would burn you all alive to keep the others warm. Without a second’s hesitation.

Sorry, damn, I rly needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening to my rant lol. 😂

Damn. Yknow I’ve been lucky enough to miss this discourse and I’m glad cause solo stans make me sad bro 😔. I truly can’t understand the concept when it comes to exo. They are one god dammit!!!!

But yeah you’re spitting nothing but facts! Exo have proven years ago that they are more than just coworkers and it’s such a tired argument. If they really didn’t care for each other they would disband. They’re literally staying with sm to remain together like ??? If that don’t prove their loyalty idk what does.

Solo stans can gag bro cause exo ain’t going anywhere and they love each other lmfaoooo like huh???

[fairyhaos]

HIIII YENAAAA !!! HRUUU ☹️ 🩷 it's been soo long since I've been alive here .. I missed seeing my fav joshushu 🫵🏻 on my tl <3 how's things !! how have you been doing ^3^

side note : did u get to go any of the follow concerts ? they didn't come 2 my country so :P

AAAA HIHI HAN <333 it rlly has been soooo long omg how have u been bub :(( hdhdhd im glad u missed me haha and now that ure back you'll be able to see me being all deranged on the dash again 🤩💗 i came out of my mocks period ab 2 weeks ago so things are going vv tiredly but we get by :'))

[chanstopher]

oh it's no biggie since i recover pretty quick! the 2-3 days where i am, in fact, sick are the absolute worst though, yes 😔 i actually have been set on going into psych since the seventh grade skdjfhf but now i'm hoping to get into anthropology as well & since i've always been into writing, i have english literature there too ^^ but my main area of interest is the social sciences revolving around psych! there's lots of unis i applied to where we could choose up to 3-5 preferred majors so for me it's anthro/socio -> psych -> eng lit. we became stays around the same time then! i actually had an aghase friend of mine (who was keeping up with the show) send me a video of felix saying that i would never expect what his voice is like dfhgjds that's when i looked it up and started watching because i grew a liking to them from the episode i watched :D i was there to witness the eliminations though. remember crying so much when chan kept apologizing to them 😭 i'm so glad they're all together now because i can't imagine 2/3 of my bias line not being there :c that's so sweet though; it's fun imagining you take a while to reach that conclusion after thoroughly dancing around it! i actually leant towards chan during miroh era but side effects dragged me back to my roots haha what kind of content do you enjoy making the most? since i know people might think what one mainly does is enjoyable but for me it's always different depending on whether it's something that sparked my creativity or something i just felt compelled to make for the sake of keeping my blogs alive hehe - 🌨

I apologize in advance because my grammar skills are so bad, as someone who likes writing im so sorry you're gonna spend the next month reading my run on sentences 😔 but wow thats so cool that you've had an idea of what you wanna do since 7th grade! i thnk the only thing I cared about then was anime lmao

The getting bias wrecked thing is like my brand at this point, I am so bad at guessing who my bias is going to be from the start of liking a group it's almost comedic. when I got into got7 i went from jackson > mark > jb > yugyeom in a week flat before i was sure it was yugyeom lmao and when i got into astro i was torn between rocky and moonbin, only to end up becoming eunwoo biased ONLY to get bias wrecked when i saw them in concert by jinjin. I'm always so messy until i find the right member and then its like all in hard core lol

I think I like making graphics the most, I can find it to be the most frustrating because if things dont work the way I want it can be harder to figure out how to fix it, but when they do work I find myself really proud of the result. gifs i find to be a more mindless task, since half of it is just waiting for clips to load and render, and for the most part coloring them isn't really as creative. I do also love art, but it takes way more time to do so it's harder to commit myself to wanting to spend 10+ hours on a painting vs maybe 2-3 on a graphic. I also just think that the inspiration to make a graphic gets me all jittery and excited in a way other things dont. And even when I look back on things and I dont really like the result anymore I can usually find something about it that I'm still happy with (but that is also me being a perfectionist and hard on myself lol) what about you?

[plantsandpupper]

Today is my first day off of 14!!!!! Your girl is taking some much needed vacation time for my birthday 🥳

Im usually one to not make a fuss but with world happenings and just stuff in general we are going to vegas baby! It’s probably been 5 years now since we legit have taken a vacation and I’ve so missed the excitement of it.

My resolution for the year ( which I didn’t tell anyone about ) was to drink and have more fun, two things I hardly do in general. I dont plan to become a raging alcoholic (not that I think anyone does tbh) but I’ve honestly never tried alot of drinks other than strawberry daiquiris and you’re 20’s are for discovering yourself am i right?

So I’ve got my vegas trip this month, spicy pics in April, halsey concert in june, and another big tattoo in July. I forgot how exciting and sometimes stressful planning stuff is but it’s done wonders for my mental health to have things to look forward to. Life is too short

Also still staying with my healthyish ways. I’ll never be a salad all day everyday kinda person but I somehow manage to maintain my move goal of 500 with my watch most days so thats nice. I dont know what made me think of it but the other day I realized food no longer holds control over me. Mind u this is going on two years of my gradual weight loss 😅 and it does bother me that I didn’t realize how much control food had had on me.

Like brownies, they have and always will be my thing and i used to have the hardest time not eating a whole pan in the course of a day and i had no control over them. Now i can just have a modest serving and let that satisfy my sweet tooth.

Oh and i got my hair done last month and while the smocks are never flattering, I didn’t hate how it cut of my no longer pronounced double chins etc. it’s really these little things that catch u off guard that they don’t mention about significant weightloss

Food just gives me alot of joy, im so glad i did the MasterClass subscription for keeping my practical hobby of cooking alive. I seriously enjoyed watching Roy Choys class so much. I’ve tried to keep with veg and miss my vegan ways but the parents just dont budge. They also found this local butcher that just opened and I hate to admit that they are pretty great. I was holding out till they brought home some compound butter and house blend seasonings. Their pickles are also bomb af. I might just get a rosemary tattoo for my love of cooking and their sturdiness as a plant ( ours outside refuses to die and i love that about her)

Oh and Zeus now has a doggy doorbell that he bumps with his snoot! 10/10 recommend spending the $20. The princess is still going strong and has become increasingly lovable and is slowly becoming more and more a Real Cat ™️

On a real note though this russia stuff is unsettling but I love seeing the tiktoks about how people are coping and managing. From the savage granny, to the UN walking out on russia, and pornhub of all sites blocking Russia with a message of solidarity with ukraine it gives a little hope. I hope to see alot of sunflowers this summer 🌻

[peachypunk22]

Harringrove Feedback Fest

not me participating in something when I haven’t been active in months 😅 

fic recs from AO3 authors that inspire me! these fics are all incredible and i’ve re-read each one listed multiple times!! 

@gothyringwald thank you for putting this together! its such a cute idea!

knit more tightly together by lymrics (E) @lymricks

part one of the blues in chicago series. i think one of the first harringrove fics I read. love the steve/billy dynamic and so emotional and high tension that im pretty sure it made me cry at some point? even though it’s not a sad fic! idk it just really pulled some emotion up. literally the fic that got me into the fandom and wanting to write for it! the whole series is amazing!

Steve takes a second to feel relieved it's not Dustin getting all sorts of arrested in places he shouldn’t be, then he goes back to staring.

It's Billy, who looks as good now as he did the last time Steve saw him: three years ago. He looks just as complicated, too. He’s got bruises on his face, a split lip.

star-crossed bullshit (black holes feast) by ?? (E)

this work got orphaned, but i’m so glad the author didn’t delete because it’s one of my all time faves! strong dom/sub undertones and messy relationship with an incredible use of the unreliable narrator! plus it has mechanic!billy 

Billy makes a mixtape for when he fucks boys, except it’s on Spotify, and he’s only fucking Steve, and all the songs are oddly, and suspiciously, romantic.

liquor (on your lips, makes you dangerous) by eternalgoldfish (E) @eternalgoldfish

i love a college!au with some gross hot Billy and this one is so good. equal parts cute, funny, and sweet with a side of kinky that I hadn’t read before

“Careful, sweetie, don’t break a nail,” Billy said, leaning over Steve’s shoulder, lazy cat’s-grin gleaming up to his eyes.

“I’m not going to break a fucking nail.” Steve hissed and elbowed him, like he hadn’t been thinking the same thing as he struggled to wedge one of his shiny red nails into his wallet’s tight leather pockets.

Or, Steve makes a bet he can't win and Billy doesn't realize his mistake.

i’m saucing on you by Boardingschooled (E)

speaking of college!au’s this one has fratboy!Billy being gross hot in all the best ways. also sweaty concert grinding, boys being absolutley smitten, and waffle house breakfast dates? it’s like college slaps you in the face and makes you listen to AMINE and it’s great

Steve wants a ticket to the biggest party on campus; Billy's got one with Steve's name on it.

Tale as Old as Time by hoppnhorn (M) @hoppnhorn

i’m an absolute sucker for beauty and the beast au’s and hoppnhorn is such a fantastic writer that i had to include this one

Prince William, imprisoned in the form of a beast, can be freed only by true love. What may be his only opportunity arrives when he meets Steven, a man who bewitches him from the very moment he steps foot in his enchanted castle.

Honeyed Wine by Antarc (T) @rascheln

am i biased because this fic has literally all of the thing i like because it was written for me? perhaps. but for real, this fic is SO sweet and well-written! it has baker!billy and a twist at the end that i did not see coming at all. every time i read it i just have a huge smile on my face

While he recovers from an injury at Robin's farm and helps run her market stall, Steve unexpectedly reunites with his old high school rival. Billy, once a tough asshole who got into weekly fights, is now a proud owner of the best bakery in town and mans the stall right next to Steve's- with the best croissants Steve has ever eaten.

samarra by gothyringwald (T) @gothyringwald

i think this was the first fic in a long time that i’ve read that took a more gen/mystery/sci-fi approach, with the romance taking a backseat for most of it, and honestly this fic made me remember how much i like reading. the story and universe building is excellent. very trippy and gives off a lot of twin peaks dream walking surrealist vibes.

When the kids bring Billy back from the dead, it doesn’t go quite as expected: he’s alive but his soul has been left behind. And Steve is the only person who can bring it back.

Salt in the Wound by SheWritesDirty (E) @shewritesdirty

if ‘fuck your enemies’ was a genre, this would be THE fic. rough, gritty, and violent. I could wax poetic about how much I love the writing style and imagery and how different it feels in comparison to other fic. steve and billy are toxic and messy and so bad that its good

The way he ate slow, like his jaw hurt. Like it was tender, like whatever had put that bruise on his face had left more of an impact than just… flesh and bone. And now that he was seeing it... Steve knew that he hadn’t done that to Billy.

That someone else had, after that night and over the weekend... someone else had gotten their hands on Billy and put karma into his skin.

And he still hadn’t looked at Steve.

Here I Go Again by HeckinaHandbasket (E) (WIP) @heck-in-a-handbasket

oh god oblivious!Steve is top tier in this A/B/O fic. combine with a lifeguard!billy that’s trying (and failing) in his rough, fumbling way to make it obvious that he’s courting him and you get this adorable mess. it’s so sweet and funny and the rest of the gang are actual little kids that run around and create havoc. i’m always excited when it updates!

Not just a new lifeguard, either. No, Billy was the lifeguard supervisor.

Because of course he was, the prick.

Swing Away by lemonlovely (E)

sports!au sports!au sports!au - specifically a baseball!au that actually serves as a really cool character exploration of billy and his dad and sports. this one is so bittersweet and i love the dynamic between steve and billy as they figure out a rocky start to a friendship and romance

Steve and Billy go to the same Hawkins Baseball Camp that Steve's been going to since he was a kid, and Billy is not particularly thrilled to be there - he fucking hates baseball, alright? And he tells Steve as much.

lamp-bright rind by nagdabbit (G) 

chef!Billy teaching his neighbor Steve how to cook au. unbelievably sweet and a writing style that is unique, expressive, and comedic. you really fall in love with the characters, as flawed as they may be, and the descriptions of food. did i mention its an almost 100k slow-burn? 

Billy spies on his cute neighbor, his cute neighbor doesn't know how to cook. Luckily, Billy can do something about that.

[razzleberryjam]

This is basically an anecdotal commentary on those posts that are like "you're life isn't over after 21, like the concept of youth is a myth"

Because its so true for people who don't get to be the ages they actually are while growing up. I never got to do things that a lot of 13, 14, 15 year olds were doing during their formative years. I never got to "go to a concert for a band I like that I've been listening to on cds" as an adult I got invited to venues where local bands play as you get drunk, but like it never had that all consuming exhilaration that comes from "going to the xband/Yband z opening act concert that you're so excited for an can scream all the lyrics with ur friend(s)" and like I was raising children, working jobs, trying to survive at that age, even in my late teens and early twenties, I was working over 40 hours a week nonstop trying to live on my own, I finally moved into my own place without roomates at 21 and it's like you feel upset about not getting to have those "cutesy college romance/friendship experience" or whatever you know, but its like actually we never lose those child years, we just were using our adult years before we were adults because we needed them to survive

And its like now that we're stable, and secure - like you don't have to be a teenager to have that teenage giggly fun. Like those aren't gone, they're just waiting for you to be in a safe place so you can enjoy them

Like im a grown adult dating another grown adult, they have a child, a serious job, an ex partner, I have raised a child that is currently with my estranged mother, I am finally working a job that I intend to be at for a long time, living on my own in stability and security, we very much have serious priorities and do professional adult things like budgeting and grocery shopping and meal prep.

But like we have silly dates where we watch YouTube and giggle and awkwardly hold hands and ask if we can kiss each other like WERE GOING TO A FREAKING CONCERT I'm so excited, like we're fucking adults who have long since graduated from high school, BUT WERE GONNA GO TO SEE 3 BANDS PLAYING AND THEYRE LIKE MY FAVORITE BANDS LIKE

LIKE dudes, I had a yellow CD player and among my cd collection were 2 cds from these bands, and a cd I burned w songs from all 3 on it and a few others like im literally exploding with joy. I'm GOING TO A CONCERT like this literally feels like the most exciting date ever like I literally feel like a 16 year old singing first date by blink 182 getting ready for prom. Youth as age is a myth, it's a state of the mind. You can be young at mind and heart no matter how old you are, it's just about pure joy and exhilaration for life. Like when u see those tiktoks of old people that are amazing it's because they are young at mind. They have the youth of joy, rather than the myth that joy is of the youth. So yeah if you're like struggling, especially if ur young. Like this is coming from someone who just I mean damn. I almost killed myself so many times, not just through suicidal attempts, but self destructive or neglectful behavior. I mean I've almost just starved to death from laying in bed for months, that's how little life I had left in me to keep going, but like I'm literally so glad I'm alive rn. Like I am so happy that I haven't killed myself. And even though I'm having a really hard time even now, because with stability comes the work - your brain, all that stuff it bottled up to let you keep going, it's like "hey I've been holding all these heavy bottles of trauma and shit and ur like doing pretty good right. So can u open a couple of these, drink em work through that ?" And it sucks, it hurts and it brings back all that struggle, but you just breathe cause it's going to be okay, you couldn't work through the trauma then but you're an amazing creature who's brain was able to hold onto that and push it down to keep you up, and going, and surviving. Your brain had to choose between reconciling with the trauma or helping you survive cause it just didn't have the resources to do both, but when you keep going and you survive, and you make it to a foothold to stop and rest, drink that bad drink, it hurts and it makes you feel like you're going to fall back down but you just have to hold on to the stability, the safety, the good things you've created and remind yourself that those past wounds hurt, and you never had the chance to heal them then because of how hard and scary everything was, but when you're safe, you are safe, and you are so strong, you can peel those crusty bandaids off, it hurts when it pulls the skin and hair but you are strong and you are safe now, you have built the knowledge to work through and treat those festering infected wounds that you just had to slap a bandaid on to keep from bleeding out. You can clean them out and rebandage them in a way to let them heal, and with consistent treatment and bandage changes, monitoring and taking medication, whatever is gonna be the best way to heal that wound, even if it will always leave a scar, you can do this. And you can have joy and be a kid no matter how old you are - look at me, I'm living my 13 year old fantasy. It's like in turning red, I watched that movie, I loved it but it was almost alienating how different that experience was. I was largely alone spending most of my time with an infant and a drunk old man. I never got to go cry at a concert and sing my favorite cds. But now, I can. And I can feel it, I'm so excited.

[nowhereisnearmyhome]

tagged by @westerberg <3!!!

1. what is the first song you remember hearing?

rooster by alice in chains! my dad used to play alice in chains and sound garden when he would pick me and my sisters up from ballet practice when i was little, like maybe 4 or 5 years old. the earliest i can remember is rooster

2. what is the first band you got into?

im going to be honest here, my dad's music taste is my music taste too, so whatever he played or made me listen to is what i listened to, so definitely kiss was the first band i got really Really into lmaooo

thats his favorite band, and he has like all the tapes and cds and some memorabilia stuff, and its what i really mainly grew up with

the first band i got into on my own was the replacements

3. do you collect any physical music?

i am SO glad you asked! i do! i collect cds, ive been collecting them for about 6 years now, and ive got a pretty good one going i think! i get my cds from thrift stores, garage sales, and friends who r getting rid of stuff

i need to reorganize desperately lmaooo

4. what is your favorite piece of music memorabilia?

my queen poster!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a friend got it for me for my 20th birthday

sorry for the worlds blurriest picture lmaooo

5. whats your favorite concert youve ever been to?

my first and only real concert was king princess in november 2019, and it was one of the best nights of my life!!! i definitely blogged about it for a while after, but god it was one of those really unifying life experiences where its just like, im not alone, theres other lgbtq+ people like me out here and we are all together in this room watching an out lesbian perform on stage right now, its an experience i will never forget and i hold it in my heart

6. if you could see one artist who is no longer alive in concert, who would it be?

queen with freddie mercury, and alice in chains with layne staley

7. have you met any musicians?

haha so funny story, i dont want to doxx myself but my grandpa was neighbors with one of the dudes from wild cherry (play that funky music white boy) and he gave my family a backyard playset that we still have (even tho none of us are kids anymore lmaooo) from what i remember he was a really chill dude, really mellow

8. what is your go to album when youre feeling sad?

at your birthday party by steppenwolf

this album got me through a lot ;-; i wont get into details but yeah

9. what is your go to album when youre feeling happy?

lately its been the evil one by roky erickson, but this changes every few weeks abdhfjjgg

10. what is one music documentary you love?

its more of a mock rockumentary lmaoooo but i HAVE to say this is spinal tap.... do i look like a fool to you? of course its spinal tap!!!!!!!!!!

11. what is one concert dvd you love?

ill be honest, i dont own any, BUT but but but i DO watch queen live at the rainbow '74 like every week on youtube

its one of the greatest shows ive watched and i am so jealous every day that i wasnt alive to see it in person

12. do you prefer listening to playlists or albums?

albums all the way!!!!! playlists r good for trips and stuff, but i mainly use playlists as samplers to find new artists! once i find an artist i like i will listen to their entire discography

13. do you prefer to listen to albums in order or on shuffle?

in order................. bestie......... what kind of question...........

14. what is your favorite deep cut song by your favorite artist?

idk if its technically a deep cut, but seven seas of rhye by queen on queen, the bass is 🥵 their first album does NOT get the recognition it deserves and i will stand by that

15. what is your favorite cd/cassette/vinyl you own in terms of packaging?

well you KNOW i have to say led zeppelin II

its my sister's old cd, and we listened to it so much that the cover broke off lmaooo, led zeppelin II is v well loved and cherished

im going to tag:

@ectomycorrhiza @zero-is-natural @boyoftheyear @ninekings @cynicvsdreamer and @cyaeghas-eye

[aliasimagines]

oh we are so screwed // jason todd

requested by @im-hqlover

Jason takes the reader on a night date (he was like a robin), while the reader thinks her family is asleep, she accepts the date, but when she returns her family was horrified to not know where the reader was, what should the reader do now??

word count: 1060

a/n: i'm sorry, i swear i'm working on your requests, i just wasn't at my best latley and i kinda lack inspiration but i am doing them!

Clinging onto Jason you bite back a scream as he uses his (batman's) grapple gun to fly from your bedroom window to a building's roof. The hood of your hoodie fall off due to the wind and made your hair go everywhere. He repeated his stunt with the grapple gun a few times, enough for you to be more comfortable and open your eyes just a little bit.

The streets might be overflown with criminals and crime bosses, perhaps somewhere not far Harley Quinn was walking her highly dangerous hyenas and sure as hell a bank robbery was happening somewhere at the moment but looking around made you forget all that. The city lights were like electric stars lighting up a big balck canvas, a work in progress, a painting called Gotham. These moments actually made you believe that one they this hell of a city can be normal.

The cold wind made feel awake, alive. You felt free, like you can actually fly. And you wanted to fly, fly away with Jason into the night but to your disappointment he stopped at one rooftop.

Your disappointment didn't last long thought. Because in front of you there was a whole picnic set out with pillows, blankets, candles, everything. You, still gasping, turned to see Jason touching the right side of his mask over and over again.

"They're are fake candles...sorry. It's a windy night."

You didn't even wait a second, you just straight up jumped back into his arms. You hugged him as close as his suit let you and pulled away with a smile.

"Jay you made all of this?? You're amazing!"

Jason chuckled and pulled you back in for another hug before he led you to a pillow where you could sit. He sat halfway next and opposite of you. He slapped his hand on the basket full of food.

"Are you hungry love?"

"Sure." you said. Jay started to unpack all the delicious food he brought for the two of you.

"Hey babe, while I set this up would you put on some music?"

You noded and reached into your hoodie's pocket only to find nothing in it.

"Heck! My phone! It's not here."you cursed.

"Shit, is it possible that it dropped out on the way here? " Jason immediately put down the bottle of (favorite drink) that he was holding. You ran your fingers through your hair frustrated.

"I don't know... I really hope not. Oh... Wait. I remember. I plugged it in to charge before you came for me and I forgot to grab it."

"Well at least we know where it is. Here, take my phone."

"You're music gallery is just emo bands and musicals."

"And? I don't see your point?" he lifted an eyebrow at you before turning back to prepare the picnic. You chuckled and put on some music that you know Jason loves but not so much that he would break into a concert at the top of this huge buildings roof. So obviously no songs from musicals for him now. You put down his phone and he offered you a glass of your favourite drink. You thanked him and blew him a kiss before taking a sip.

"So m'lady, do you want sandwiches or cookies first?"

"Depends. What kind of cookies?"

"Chocolate chip. Now I don't wanna brag but I made them and they smell delicious."

He looked so proud of his cookies so you choose those. He hande you to little box container thingy and you took the cookie on top. While the two of you ate and drink, you also started to talk.

With the the music playing softly in the background and Jason talking. You felt so relaxed and safe. You really loved his voice, it was so soft and gentle as he quietly explained something. To be honest you didn't pay attention to what he was actually saying but rather just his calming voice. You couldn't even tell how much time has passed.

"..don't you think?"

You suddenly snapped out of daydreaming and looked at Jason.

"Uhm, sorry. I zoomed out."

He slightly shook his head and laughed.

"I said it's getting late and we should get going, don't you think?"

You looked over to Jay's phone and it showed 2:32. Crap! You have been here for over 3 and half hours and you have school tomorrow!

"Jeez, you're right!"

You helped Jason pack things away. And before he took you back to your room you kissed his cheek.

"Thank you Jay. This was a lovely date. And your cookies were amazing."

He smiled at you sweetly.

"I'm glad  you liked it doll. Now hold on."

He took you back and helped you climb in to your room through your window. Jason leaned inside for a goodnight kiss when suddenly your room overflow with light. Not only that but your mother stood in the doorway.

"Y/N?? Where have you been? And... Oh god is that Robin?"

You looked back and forth between your mom and Jason with wide eyes. Well this is not how you planned for your family to meet Jason... Poor boy looked paler than ever.

"I.. Uhm.. Mom.."

"I was worried sick! You just... Disappeared! Your father is down at the police station. We thought you were kidnapped! Wait... Were you kidnapped?" she only stops to look at you and your boyfriend with worry. You shook your head. Gosh you feel so damn guilty!

"I am so sorry ma'am. It's all my fault. It was my idea to sneak her out and go on a..date.. " Jason spoke up surprising both you and your mother.

"No, it is my fault too and I'm-"

"Wait a minute darling. On a date? Aren't you dating a boy named Jason?"

You pressed your lips together into a tin line. Jason bit his lip uncomfortably.

"Well I.."

Your mother waved her hand.

"Sush, I understand. Please get inside don't just hang there with your legs outside someone's gonna think you wanna break in. I'll go call your father Y/N and when I come back I want to talk to the two of you." with that she exits your room.

"Oh god... I'm screwed." you sigh as you sit down on your bed.

"You and me both, baby." Jason responds getting rid of his cape."You and me both"

[yibuo]

UMMM I would love to know what exactly happened with xnine too if you know??

i didn’t know how to answer this without hating on long danni but... that’s not possible when you’re talking about xnine

CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG IN ANY WAY @ DIMPLES AND CFANS

tldr ceo addicted to producing survival shows realizes boy group is incapable of feeding her fat rabbit because of her OWN mismanagement and throws them away (literally? probably not, maybe, idk)

HOLY SHIT THIS BECAME RLY LONG IM BEGGING KEEP READING TO WORK LO LOL LOL

long danni= wjjw company ceo

wjjw=company that xnine, xz, r1se, etc are under

huo mala: fat company rabbit that WILL give u nightmares goodness gracious thinking about him sends chills down my spine

alright so long danni (ldn i will refer to her) & ee media along w/ tencent and sm made the survival show x-fire... the premise of xfire was that 16 contestants split into two different teams (white and red) and then at the end it would boil down to each team having 4 members and the winning team would debut as a group called xfire...but wait...the group’s name is xnine? so out of red team (peng chuyue, baishu, xiao zhan, xia zhiguang) and white team(wu jiacheng, gu jiacheng, zhao lei, and guo zifan) white team won...and they unofficially debuted as xfire..went abroad to train yadda yadda yadda and then a few months later, TELL ME WHY LONG DANNI DECIDES TO RELEASE POLLS TO LET FANS VOTE IN 5 MEMBERS INTO XFIRE TO CREATE XNINE! ldn PLEASE if u wanted to rig the show you should’ve decided in the beginning what was the point of making the teams and the fans fight against each other...

so yeah xz and crew weren’t actually supposed to debut according to show rules...i mean i’m glad they debuted obviously bc x9 is x9 but ee media and frickin ldn couldve handled this better...like every member except chen molerat is amazing and great but....WHY DIDNT MaNAGEMENT NOT BLATANTLY RIG THEM INTO THE GROUP

but also thank u ldn for also letting us get to know the 4 guys who were added n not chen molerat <3 but like DO UR JOB PROPERLY

anyway the polls were RIGGED obviously thanks ldn what did u expect out of making POLLS, and xiao zhan, peng chuyue, xia zhiguang, yan xujia, and chen z*** were added to the group to create xnine...talk about rigged when chen z*** the molerat lookin turdface misogynist was added... anyway at the time he wasnt known to be problematic but ya the whole rigging thing caused a whole rift esp when x9 debuted bc there were fanwars and death threats initially but xfire did well because it was one of the (if not only) survival shows at that time and x9 debuted w/ a good response etc

then they got moved to wjjw (still owned by ldn thanks ldn) and wjjw is known for hoarding artists and not promoting them (THEY HAVE LIKE 45 ARTISTS BUT WERE FORMED 3 YEARS AGO MAKE IT MAKE SENSE) and not being promoted properly was EXACTLY what happened to xnine. as idols what they needed was music promotions, variety shows, etc stuff to get them as people out there but this genius ldn decided to promote them through stupid zodiac dramas like super star academy (to promote xfire finalists) and oh my emperor (which was an xnine drama). now i haven’t watched OME, but SSA gave me enough brain rot and gunk for me to not watch OME. (the only person who could act was baishu), and the story was SO BAD. nevermind the acting, because the boys weren’t initially slated to be actors, but the story was horrible, girl without superpowers suddenly becomes white cult goddess at the end??? WHAT???????? why didn’t ldn just promote them normally !!!!!! are they an actor group or an idol group???? I LOVE XNINE, THEY ARE TALENTED ARTISTS !!!! and eventually some went into acting (xz, guo zifan, gu jiacheng) BUT WAS THAT THE TIME DLFNJNF and then they just kept getting sent into random dramas and movies as random side characters instead of being able to make music and promote????? i’m sorry i’ve been stuck on using dramas to promote x9 for a while because that’s such a SILLY IDEA *vigorously shakes head* 

ldn knows how to do survival shows but she doesn’t know how to promote her artists thanks ldn. xnine has so much talented, we know xiao zhan is a great singer, but other main vocalists like wu jiacheng, zhao lei, and peng chuyue are amazing as welll, here’s me plugging this video of zl and pcy performing their self-written song on produce camp because it’s the most beautiful thing ever

-oh yeah somewhere in here insert chen molerat getting outed as a pedo misogynist cheater by his gf who still has the audacity to have xnine in his weibo name because xnine starting to get popular gtfo rat lookin ass i WILL barf, when we say ot8 xnine we mean xnine w/o chen toadratass but sometimes ppl think it’s xnine minus xz which is untrue-

they also have talented rappers (gu jiacheng yan xujia) and dancers (xia zhiguang guo zifan) like xia zhiguang can end me with his spinning flying kick thing and i WILL let him 

so YEAH !! TALENT that went to waste because wjjw gave them weird random hiatuses and kept pushing them as actors??? seriously what is with this actor stuff...so that’s why they debuted in 2016 and have very little discography to their name because wjjw just gave up...trying to promote them GOD thank u so much ldn for ur incomptency <3333 xnine had members in diff stages of life (ranging from xz who was born in 91, to yan xujia born in 2001, they were all close tho soo cute) and wjjw really was like nope we’re not gonna try to promote yall’s dreams of becoming singers on the stage because they couldn’t add 34783473 pounds to fat huo mala’s weight

so ya a lot of people are like omg wjjw hates xiao zhan!!! ya no they hate all of xnine but now xz is bringing enough money to make huo mala even fatter so good for huo mala i guess /s

also rumors and any bad media? lol wjjw doesn’t care they do a shit job at handling bad things too WHAT A WELLROUNDED COMPANY

OH ALSO TALK ABOUT HOW THYE HAD 3 DAYS TO PREPARE FOR A CONCERT???????????? WHAT????????? wjjw u mfs

anyway to summarize my rants above wjjw did  a SHIT job of promoting xnine as idols when the boys worked so hard and wjjw kept tryna push them to acting bye (some of them can’t act and literally don’t WANT TO ACT HHHSFLNF), wjjw is also horrible at letting all of the xnine members shine when as i mentioned before, they’re ALL TALENTED!!!! and then they just gave up on xnine somewhere in 2017-2018... ok anyway so is xnine disbanded? no although some may say their last concert in dec 2018 was their last concert ever they’re not disbanded

xiao zhan , gu jiacheng, and guo zifan went into acting

wu jiachang is focusing on his music etc (he was actually the first member of xnine i came across when i watched the collaboration/cyzj in 2018...yes carats this is That wu jiacheng!!!) MAN CAN SING

peng chuyue, zhao lei, xia zhiguang, yan xujia all went on produce camp 2019 (aNOTHER SURVIVAL SHOW BC THEY WANTED TO BE ON THE MF STAGE BC THATS WHY THEYRE HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE WJJW) along w/ fellow labelmates zhou zhennan and zhai xiao wen ... and everyone but peng chuyue made it to the final 11 spots and got to debut in the group r1se...UNFORTUNATELY ALSO UNDER WJJW HELP SEND HELP

if they’re in r1se does that mean they quit xnine? no! they’re in both that’s just how survival shows work it’s kind of weird

peng chuyue recently released a song and it’s really good and you can’t not tell me that it’s gay here it is

anyway xnine hasn’t disbanded!! the X玖少年团 (xnine) in the non-r1se members’ weibo names say that loud n clear!!! and when the r1se members from xnine won produce camp 2019, they all made xnine signs SO XNINE IS ALIVE and they do keep in contact!!

why haven’t we seen blatant public interactions btwen xiao zhan and the xnine members? because some frickin annoying xz solo stans/xfx claim that the other members use xz for popularity (HELLO??????? IN WHAT WORLD DOES THAT MAKE SENSE HALF OF THEM R LITERALLY HIS KIDS BUT OK) 

anyway in conclusion wjjw doesn’t know how to promote any of their artists, thus screwing over xnine members and making them go on a group hiatus where they focus on acting/singing/r1se for r1se members but they are very much xnine as of now !!!

here’s some REALLY GOOD RESOURCES to follow xnine bc as an ifan it’s mf hard

-xnine slideshow

-xnine faq

-xnine eng sub channel by yuer

-all of that content i listed above was made/subbed by one person and she is the queen of uhh...xnine international fandom outreach (????) how do i word it but she’s been subbing and spreading xnine long before xiao zhan’s popularity skyrocketed so go follow her for updates and memes here

-xnine intl fanbase twt and tumblr

-and here’s this twt account with dumb pics of xnine because why not

also i’m pretty sure there’s a wip video explaining x9′s history being created (by yuer because queen) so when that’s posted i’ll rb this and post it here

also here’s this video dragging wjjw

[duskrelyk]

tw suicide:

ya know i was just reading a post that lists reasons not to kill yourself

and maybe some of you know this, but i had planned for a about a year before i graduated high school that i would kill myself the night of the day i graduated

but i didnt, bc we were gonna go on vacation right after, and i waited

and then i was gonna go on a trip with an ensemble i was in, so i waited some more

eventually i didnt feel so bad anymore

but then something happened in freshman year, and it affected me so badly that i was gonna kill myself

but then i got a knock on my dormroom door from my ra so i stopped and answered it

and they talked to me for a bit

and i went to therapy

and after a bit i didnt feel so bad anymore

...

there have been several times since then when ive strongly considered killing myself

in fact, i wanted to as recently as a few days ago

but i was tired

i was gonna sleep and do it later

but then i didnt

and like

on the list that i read, one of the reasons was smth like "one day youll get past this and youll be so glad youre alive bc of all the new things you got to do"

and yeah

every time i couldve done it, and didnt, something good happened after. maybe the next day. maybe a few months later. but like, they definitely happened

and one of the reasons was smth like "you cant listen to music if youre dead" and damn if theyre not correct

music is everythinf to me, i dont wanna just stop experiencing it

and ik yall are probably tires of hearinf me talk about stray kids, but if i had died after graduation, in freshman year, etc i wouldnt have ever heard stray kids music, the music that gives me the most joy rn and mwans the most to me

and if i die any time soon, i wont get to hear their new music either

and its coming soon, so im sure i can manage until then

and maybe ill have something to look forward to after that, too

ig ill never know what i wouldve missed until it happens

and ik this post was long, and ik it was a lot, and ik i definitely overshared but

like

fuck, i might be overwhelmingly sad rn, but damn i dont wanna die

is it weird to say i wanna stay alive to hear their new music? is it weird to say i wanna stay alive so i can finally open the package that holds my skzoo plushies? is it weird to say i wanna stay alive to maybe see them in concert someday?

if it was somebody else saying that, id tell them theres no reason too small or too stupid or too weird to stay alive

because one reason is enough. no matter how small it may seem, if it keeps you here, then its the most important reason to you, and so its important, and so are you

maybe one day ill believe it about myself

[losers-yurio]

🔫ALL OF THE MUSIC ASKS

IM- FINE

FAVORITES 1. what are your favorite bands? KISS, Frehley’s Comet, The Runaways, The Monkees,Def Leppard, Scorched Waves,And Motley Crue 

2. what are your favorite singers? hmm Micky Dolenz,Ace Frehley,Ted Howarth,

3. what are your favorite albums?  the first Frehley’s Comet Album,Trouble walkin’,the ace 78 solo,revenge,dressed to kill,kiss self titled,hotter than hell,evermore,folklore,and pyromania  

4. what are your favorite songs?

5. what do you think the best popular song of the year is so far? cardigan 

6. which genres of music do you tend to like the best? Old Man Rock, Pop Occasionally 

7. what is the best concert you’ve ever been to? Tiger Army 

8. song of the year? long story short 

9. album of the year? as much as i loved folklore, evermore 

10. what are the best songs your parents have gotten you into? war pigs and i'm comin home

11. how did you first find out about your favorite band/singer? i was a dumbass and didn't realize just how many kiss albums ace actually played on and renae mentioned that he had solo shit. bonus the first time i heard the 78 solo i almost cried 

12. when/where do you first remember having heard your favorite song? Armageddon it, i was watching all of the def leppard music videos 

13. about how many times have you listened to your favorite song? my guy i have no idea:”)

14. if someone asks you what music they should check out, what are your go-to recommendations? THE ENTIERTY OF TROUBLE WALKIN 

NOSTALGIA 15. what songs give you the most nostalgia? the first three taylor ones, i grew up on her! 

16. what kinds of music were you raised on? punk, metal, contry,and the pop that was popular in the early 2000s 

17. what are your favorite songs that have ever been popular? hmm dr feelgood?

18. who were your favorite musicians as a kid? TAYLOR, luke brian

19. how did you feel about music as a kid? loved it!

20. what was your first concert? if you haven’t been to one, what do you want your first concert to be? Tiger Army 

PERFORMANCE 21. how do live performances, whether they’re from your friends or professionals, tend to make you feel? honestly concerts make me feel ify but if its a friend then hell yeah!

22. singing in the shower or singing in the car? car!

23. if you were to become a musician, what kind of musician would you be? Definitely A Rocker!

24. if you could pick one instrument to learn how to play, what would it be? DRUMS 😎

25. what is your singing voice like? what singers do you remind yourself of? okay i have no idea but nae says soft and high like Tiffany 

26. have you ever been involved in any music programs? which ones and for how long? nope!

27. which instruments do you know how to play? what’s your skill level? i used to know how to play the begining of welcome to the black parade on my uke but i forgot it-

28. if you took music lessons as a kid, are you glad you did? if not, do you wish you had? i took piano/voice lessons and i don't remember any of it 

SOUNDTRACKS 29. how do you feel about video game soundtracks? hmm i like the acnh one!

30. what soundtracks do you enjoy listening to the most? i dont realy listen to any 

31. which soundtracks do you think are objectively the best (or what are some that you think deserve appreciation)? again i don't know-

32. how do you feel about musicals? i used to love them

33. do you have any favorite composers, including classical ones? nope

34. are there any soundtracks or kinds of soundtracks that you just can’t stand? nope

35. what are your favorite songs/soundtracks from movies? the second mama mia and not because i'm absolutely in love with lily james 

LYRICS 36. what are some songs whose lyrics you relate to? okay so like “heavy metal and mullets is how we were raised” has always hit home for me-

37. pick a song and analyse its lyrics. no💕

38. which songs do you think have the best lyrics? idk man but i really vibe with rock soldiers 

39. what are some songs whose lyrics you think most people just don’t get? no?

40. are there any musicians whose lyrics you particularly tend to like? taylor 

41. do you prefer songs that have good melodies or songs that have good lyrics? melodies 

RANDOM 49. what are your favorite album covers? TROUBLE WALKIN

50. any cover versions that you think are better than the original? MOTLEY HELTER SKELTER

51. how often do you listen to music? 24/7

52. do you collect vinyls? if so, what have been your best finds? Yes! though i didn't mean to at first, and all things must pass! she skips a lot but still

53. if you could meet any musician you’d like, who would it be? im gonna asume this mean dead or alive so i will be saying eric carr!

54. how do you feel about classical music? good to sleep to

55. would you ever want to have a career in music? Yes!

56. if you had a stage name, what would it be? no💕

57. on a scale of 1 to 10, how important is music to you? 10

58. how do you feel about rap music? not really my vibe but i don't have a problem with it 

59. what do you think the best “era” for music was? probably the 70s 

60. how has music affected you as a person? im not sure

[iankabra]

hi all!!

so this year after a good while of being on tumblr i decided “you know what? im gonna initiate conversations w my mutuals.” and i am so DEEPLY glad i did because ive made so many wonderful friends here and had such a lovely time settling into the 1d fandom

first off i want to thank the love of my FUCKING life @touring-is-never-boring,,,, nel i love talking about mika and clothes and lesbianism and gay things and girls and feelings u know??? love u to the moon and back. the SUPERIOR eleanor even tho u dont vibe w that name,, nothing more wonderful than seeing ive recieved several paragraphs of analysis of some random mika song or two people who look alike. LOVE ur mind. thank u for listening whenever i mention two random songs for u to listen to together or when i ramble about harry and louis. & the JOURNEY of this meeks album cycle w you?? the GIFT of mnimh we recieved together? loved it so much. ur beautiful and strong and loevly wanna meet ur ass someday

next i wanna say mx Storm @sweaterxo ,,,, ur SO sweet and kind and have been so helpful and supportive throughout all the dumb issues ive come to u with,, thank u for thinking im funny and that my fashion sense is good. thank you for showing me your nails and things i love them theyre so pretty. your interests are also very cool i will def watch it 2 the second it comes out on digital. also love the occasional spn discussion,,, truly wild as fuck to talk about being removed from t but she was a wild ride. i love u very very much (even tho ur attracted to bill hader)<3

now Cata @smolbirds ur literally SO rad and cool and fun to talk to,, thank you for losing ur shit w me the night harry dropped lights up, for having the kind of hard conversations about politics in chile that we’ve had, and talking w me about linguistics and the spanish language and accents and shit bc thats literally so fun and fascinating. thank u for being my emotional support at the nashville concert when i texted u throughout bc i was losing my fucking shit and thank u for thirsting over becky g w me i love ur ass

SKY @vampireprinceharry i really vibe w you man. like i feel like we just start conversations and im not even thinking about it but then we’re just chatting and vibing and itll last a good while idk idk i like you lots i think youre really great. the talk we had aout dan and phil after dan’s coming out video was genuinely so lovely its so cool to share that kind of experience and reflect on it like that. ily.

and miss morgan @yeehawharry LOVE U BITCH thank u for listening to mika and letting me tell u about him,, also for being my fellow baby bitch in the atl louies gc (cant wait to go to that w you btw) plus the mall was big fun! love last minute christmas (jristmas) shopping with you. ur fun and funny and i really want to hang out again !!

my buddies from the nashville concert,,, alli @velvetsau elsa @cheerleaderharry selena @loudalbum and emphasis on brie @harrp ty for living through that with me and for a wonderful wonderful day. also alli you were one of the first people i started talking to when i decided i was gonna talk to people and u were so nice to me thanku for that.

and of course the entire baby larries group chat, yall are genuinely so sweet and full of positivity and so fun to talk to and i adore all of u i have so much love for all of yall celia @louisprideflag aani @altarrias bia @girlalmightys jorja @yeehawpeacesign charlie @wallsau sophie @twinkofficial hope @chanukahlouis ansh @bisexualhaz and the occasional pop in from bella @dystopianharry

plus,, i literally gotta say <3 to my mate theo @fandom-oracle who ive known a while now!! yes i did nto meet him this year!! bonkers. but ily fellow anti amian warrior. m always here if u need me. shoutout to the rest of the 39 clues discord as well we’re keeping this fandom alive and gay  

and to other lovely people ive talked to this year who i cant wait to talk to even more all the love esp. @holizays @alloutshirt @thepeacering @snflwrgirly @alabamacryptid and all my other wonderful mutuals

madie

[journalistquinnfabray]

Tagging: @doveportcedes

Time frame: Post the accident 2/14

Location: Hospital 

Notes: Directly post accident. Mercedes feelings about it and Quinns feelings about her life/ seeing puck again. 

Quinn:  Quinn pulls her car up to the scene, the flashing lights making her unable to see how bad it is. She had gotten a text from her boss about a crash and how she had to go report on it for the morning. Grumpily, she left Oliver behind and drove to the scene. The closer she walks to the scene, the more is revealed, and Quinn feels like shes walking into a horror scene. She knows that car, the black four door car. Her heart sinks as she approaches, seeing blood and glass scattered across the asphalt. Shes startled when her phone rings, dropping her camera.

 "Hello?" Quinn answers. "Is this Lucy Fabray?" An unkown man asks. 

 Quinn almost forgets her own name for a moment. "n- Yes this is her" "You're Mercedes Jones' emergency contact, theres been an accident." 

 The rest of the call fades out into a blur as Quinn realises its true. This is one of her closest friends cars. Crushed like a can, sitting infront of her. She searches out for a body in the car before realising the flashing lights are getting further away. She runs back into her car, almost forgetting to pick up her camera before speeding off to the only hospital she knows.

Mercedes:  It had been hours before Mercedes had awoken. The room was dark and she knew it was early morning, it was just a feeling. For a moment, it was all a dream, for a moment she was in bed and the rest of the world had just witnessed her concert, she saved a cat and she was on top of the world. 

But then the pain started, her head, her body, her leg. She heard movement and noticed someone sitting across from her. Her eyes adjusted and she realized it was Quinn. "Q?" She said hoarsely and trying to sit up.

Quinn: Quinn was starting to drift off sitting on the couch. She was worried for her friend, and the anxiety had been eating her up inside, but shes had to wait hours and its getting kind of late. The doctor told her not to expect Mercedes to wake up anytime soon, and she doesnt feel bad if she takes a quick 20 minute power nap. Just as she starts drifting off she hears a hoarse voice. Sitting up quickly, she can see her friends eyes open, and shes struggling to sit up. Her heart blooms with happiness that her friend is alive. "Mercedes!" She almost yells in her excitement "Thank god! Here, let me help you" Quinn rushes over to help her friend sit up.

Mercedes:  Mercedes stared at Quinn and accepted her help sitting up. "Q what happened?" She ran her hands through her hair but stopped feeling a bandage on her forehead. "It wasn't a dream was it?" She swallowed remembering the accident. Her leg being crushed by the door and steering column. Connor telling her everything would be okay.

Quinn:  Quinn looks at her friend with pity as she watches the revelation come over her. "There was an accident. Some idiot ran a red light and crashed into you. It wasnt a dream." She holds her friends hand, hoping to be the support the girl needs.

Mercedes:  Mercedes felt tears come to her eyes. The averted down to her leg. She couldn't bare to look at it, to move it, if she lost it... She was about to ask Quinn about it when the door opened and the nurse walked in. 

 "Oh good you are awake I was just coming to check on you." She said softly. "I know you must have a ton of questions, I can get the doctor for you." 

 Mercedes just nodded, still trying to process it all. She looked at Quinn as the nurse stepped out and squeezed her hand. "You look tired Q, tell me you haven't been here all night?"

Quinn:  Quinn watched Mercedes with sad eyes. She wished she could take the pain away from her friend. "How could I leave you here? I didn't even know I was your emergency contact" Quinn sighs "I came to report and saw it was your car, and then I got the call" She rubbed circles into Mercedes hand. "I couldn't go home without seeing that you were okay, regardless of what the doctor said"

Mercedes:  Mercedes nodded. "Sorry Q I meant to tell you." she said softly. "I have you and San." She exhaled laying back for a moment. "I am so happy you are here,  I don't want to be alone. God Q i was so scared...I thought." She shook her head as she closed her eyes.

Quinn:  Quinns glad that Mercedes chose her to be an emergency contact. "Its okay, I know now. Thank you for picking me" Quinn looks down at the cast, worried about her leg. "You're okay, I promise. The doctors even think you'll get back most of your motion"

Mercedes:  "I might?" She couldn't believe this was happening.  She looked at her friend and forced a smile. She knew Quinn, knew she felt it all. "Hey, hey its okay, I am okay."

Quinn:  Quinn smiled at her friend, trying to force happiness for her. "The good news is that we have tons of time to catch up on brooklyn nine nine?" She says, it coming out as more of a question than a statement. She hugs her friend. "I'm really glad you're okay Mercy"

Mercedes:  Mercedes tried to smile widely but only got halfway. "For sure! The new Season started and I am so behind." She hugged her back. "Me too Q." The doctor walked in with a soft smile. 

 "Well nice to see you among the pand of the living Mercedes. Your dad would have my hide if anything happened to you."  

"Hi Dr. Carter." She said hoarsely.

 "So looks like you had a very bad accident. You suffered from whiplash which is normal and a minor head lack, but your leg is what we were worried about. Your femur bone was fractured from the crash, and you ankle was broken. Most femoral shaft fractures take 3 to 6 months to completely heal. You will need therapy but the worst of it is you need to stay off your leg for at least 8 weeks if not more." 

 "What!?!?!"

Quinn:  Quinn swallows. This is not good news. She worries for her friend, and she hopes her face hasn’t gone pale. “Mercedes, the most important thing is that you’re alive okay? You can overcome all this other stuff”

Mercedes:  She may have nodded at Quinn, but her mind was running rampant with thoughts of fear and loss. Her future, her life it was all gonna change. And she wasnt ready to face it. "Yeah you are right." She lied.

Quinn:  Quinn rubs more soothing circles into Mercedes hand "Anything you need, I'm here for you okay? I'll help you get better. Its only a few weeks and you'll be back to normal! You're so lucky"

Mercedes:  Mercedes sighed. "Thanks Q, I am so glad you are here. I dont know what I would do if I were alone." She squeezed Quinns hand.

Quinn:  Quinn softly smiles. "You know I'd always be here for you." Squeezing her hand once again "So, tell me all about how you felt at the concert!"

Mercedes:  Mercedes sighed closing her eyes. "I felt complete. Like, like that is what I should be doing every day of my life. I love my job I love my patients but Q, I belong on that stage." She looked down to her leg. "Or at least I did."

Quinn:  Quinn feels so much sadness for her friend. This was supposed to be the night of her life, and now here she is in the hospital. “You’ll get back there, I promise. You killed it on that stage”

Mercedes:  Mercedes shook her head. "This just proves that I need to stay put and not venture away from what I know."

Quinn:  "No!" Quinn states. "Mercedes, you cant let this stop you if its your dream. What if this is just the lord testing you? Maybe he wants you to fight for it"

Mercedes:  Mercedes stared at her. "How is this a test? Its devastating. My heart was so full and now im certain that I was never meant to do this." Could it really be a test? Could she really be happy not being on that stage again?"

Quinn:  "I don't know. We both know he works in weird ways. I know you were meant to do this. You were up on that stage, and you just looked so at home. You're supposed to do that 'Cedes. Dont let this stop you, let it make you stronger"

Mercedes:  Mercedes sighed with tears in her eyes. "Q what if I can't walk the same or stand the same? What if I can never do it again?"

Quinn:  Quinn doesnt know how to answer her friend. She can say the right thing, but it may not be true. "I don't know. You might not be able to. But that cant stop you, please don't let it stop you"

Mercedes:  Mercedes wiped her eyes before closing them. Her hands wrapped around Quinn's hand. She knew Quinn was right and maybe just maybe she could make it this time. "I won't."

Quinn:  Quinns glad her friend seems to listen. She'll follow up with it later. "I'm glad. How else have you been?"

Mercedes:  Mercedes sighed. "Nothing really I have been so busy with work and the concert I dont think I've had a life."

Quinn: Quinn smiles, a thought coming to her head. "How about I tell you some stories from my fucked up life to distract you? The Quinn Fabray show always seems to have drama"

Mercedes:  Mercedes sighed moving slowly to make room for Quinn. "Come on lay down and tell Cedes everything."

Quinn:  Quinn lays beside Mercedes, tucking her head carefully onto the other girls shoulder. "Well, for one, you'll never guess who lives in this dumb town. Puck, as in, that Puck"

Mercedes:  Mercedes eyes widened. "No, Quinn no! Noah Puckerman is your "Puck?"

Quinn:  She expected Mercedes shock, heck, even she was shocked herself. "Yup, the one and only. I couldn't believe it! and to make matters worse, I literally ran into him on a beach when I was already trying to calm down"

Mercedes:  Mercedes knew about their history and knew how hard seeing him had to be for her. "Q, oh I am so sorry. What did he say?"

Quinn:  Quinn sighs. "It was a kind of awkward catch up. Did you know Sarahs pregnant? We're getting old. And he has heaps of tattoos now" Quinn sniffles, hes not the easiest topic to talk about.

Mercedes:  Mercedes leaned into her and took her hand. "Had I known... I am sorry you had to see him like that."

Quinn:  Quinn shakes her head. "You couldn't have known. I barely told you about him, its alright. It just bought up all those feelings about Lily that I thought I was over"

Mercedes:  "Q, you will never truly be over any feelings about Lily. Its not in you. He just brought them to the surface. I wanna punch him for hurting you."

Quinn:  "Don't punch him, you can't run away right now" Quinn chuckles, hoping its already an appropriate time to make jokes. "I had stopped thinking about her you know? I wasn't stuck in my head anymore about it. Yeah, I still think about her daily, but it wasn't torture. And now, its all back."

Mercedes:  Mercedes couldn't know the pain Quinn was feeling, but her heart broke for her best friend. "You did what you had to do. There is no need to feel tortured I know you can't help it but I wish you could see that."

Quinn:  Quinn sighs, she always feels so heartsick about it.  “I don’t know. He’s all mature, and adult now. I can’t help but think about what it would be like if we could’ve kept her. I know we made the best choice at the time, but we were kids who didn’t know better”

Mercedes:  "Trust me Noah Puckerman is not all Mature." She leaned against Quinn. "You gave Lily a life, you gave her a chance. And that was you being her mom."

Quinn:  Quinn nods, she tells herself those words all the time but shes not sure if she ever believes them. "He's much more mature than back then. He used to spend hours lecturing me on the different super Marios and why 2 was the best”

Mercedes:  "Okay he has grown up, yes I guess but he's still the ass who hurt you and I am not here for that."

Quinn:  "Please don't go fight Puck right now. Hes not worth it. The good news is, I think I might actually be getting over him"

Mercedes: "Why?" She whined but then smiled. "Getting over him?!?!? How whats up?" 

Quinn:  "Because you're literally injured Mercy. He'll still be there to fight when you heal up." Seeing Puck was a shock for sure, and it reminded Quinn of all her relationship fuck ups. "Well I think I was in love with him for a while back then, and then he you know, took off and ran, so I never really got closure. But seeing him, it kind of made me realise just how much he wouldn't fit into my life anymore."

Mercedes:  Mercedes sighed. "Fine." she whined. "Your life is so much better than it was and you are right he doesn't fit. And I am happy about that."

Quinn:  Quinn nudges her friend, looking up at her. “I love you, you know that? Today has reminded me just how grateful I am to have you in my life.”

Mercedes:  "Oh Q. You are my best friend. I am grateful for you too. And i know seeing him was hard, but I am so proud of how you handled all of that."

Quinn: Quinn presses a kiss to her friends cheek. "My life does seem to be an endless list of fuck ups doesnt it?" 

Mercedes:  "No." She assured her. "This is all about finding our way. Finding your way and you are already there."

Quinn:  “Ah, I dunno. I still have a lot of things I need to check off my adulting list” Quinn jokes.

Mercedes:  Mercedes laughed. "You and me both. But if anyone can reach their goals and check em all off its you." She sighed. "I don't know where I would be without you Q, thanks for being here with me."

[emiliachrstine]

2018. WOW, what a year. It’s been filled with a lot of ups and downs--mostly downs, both personally and within the community here. I’ve definitely done a lot of reflecting on the downs. One of the things I’ve realized is who actually supports me and who only interacts with me when it means getting free things. It’s a blow, but I’m glad it happened. I don’t want anything to do with people who just want to get something from me and then slink off until the next round. Despite the negatives, there have been a lot of GREAT things that happened for me. I’ve met some new people, got my muse back for my marvel series after a six month hiatus, started outlining the rewrite for my supernatural & star wars fics, made some different lifestyle changes to better my health, joined ocappreciation, my best friend came back home for the holidays, and I saw the ICONIC Elton John in concert. It hasn’t all been bad. While I know 2019 will bring new challenges for all of us, I can’t wait to see all the good this new year will bring. And I can’t wait to see what you all create!! And I do hope to make even more friends, I’m an awkward, shy wreck. HERE’S TO A NEW YEAR, A NEW START. I would now like to thank some amazing people!

THE FAM:

@missjanuarylily & @itsaprophetthing: MY OG BUDDIES. I still remember the moment I found Elle’s story and the feeling I got when Maria posted her first review. You both became my first friends in this amazing community. I’ve known you both for almost five years, THAT’S INSANE. I can’t believe it’s already been that long. The encouragement and support you both have shown me always keeps my head up. I love you both so much and I’m excited to see what this new years brings for us.

@hellenistictitties: MY "LITTLE SISTER”. Honestly, where do I even begin. I’ve known for about four years, almost five. You said in a post not long ago that we started talking when you were in eighth grade and now you’re going into college soon. Like...just thinking about it, I FEEL SO OLD!!! AHHH. But as I’ve said before, you are like a little sister to me. It’s been so incredible seeing you grow and overcoming challenges. Like, I just want you to know how PROUD I am of you. I don’t say it enough, but I want you to know that I am! PLUS YOU ARE SUCH AN INSPIRATION TO ME WHEN IT COMES TO WRITING. I CRY EVERYTIME I READ YOUR WRITING. I love you bb!! And know that I will always be here supporting you through everything!

@nellie--crain: THE BUCKY TO MY STEVE. My crossover buddy. I honestly don’t know what I would do without you. You sent me one of the kindest asks for fanfic author appreciation day and from then on we’ve been friends. THAT IS CRAZY. We’ve been friends for just a little over a year but I feel like I’ve known you longer! I’m so grateful to have you as a friend. You’re always there when I need opinions on a story idea, to work out story problems, or if I just need to talk. You’re always there for me and I will never be able to fully articulate how much I love you!! 

@susiesamurai: MY FELLOW STEVE ROGERS LOVER. You may already know this, but our conversations ALWAYS have me in stitches from laughing so much. From talking about Steve’s sex life to worrying about Chris’ mid-life crisis mustache, I know that anytime I talk with you, it’s going to be memorable. I love your openness, creativity, kindness and HUMOR. During my hiatus from Renegades, your constant love and support for that story is honestly what kept my muse alive for it. And I can’t ever tell you how thankful I am for that. I love you BB!!

@chuck-hansens: MY BATES MOTEL AND MARVEL BUDDY. I know we’ve been sporadic with out conversations, I still enjoy seeing your posts on my dash. And I love that I now get to work with you on ocappreciation. You’re definitely someone I look up to, especially with your “take shit from no one” attitude. LIKE WHAT A QUEEEEN. I love you so much and I’m excited to see what 2019 brings for us and for ocappreciation! 

@fraysquake: MY BUZZFEED UNSOLVED BUDDY. I love that we can bond over our mutual love for these dorky ghoul boys. But more  importantly, you’re so incredibly kind and inviting. Our conversations, though sporadic, always put a smile on my face. ESPECIALLY, that message you sent me about Renegades. Just thinking about it is making me smile, I can’t even articulate how much that message meant to me and I still go back to look at it. AND YOUR EDITS...OHMY GOSH ESPECIALLY YOUR POSTERS. *DEAD* ilysm <3

@yourpalmoony: MY DAFT PUNK BUDDY. I know that the later half of this year brought some challenges for you, but I am glad that you are taking time for yourself. I am so grateful to have you as a friend. Your talent and creativity is such an inspiration to me. And your humor always puts me in the right mood. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m always here for you. I hope 2019 brings you nothing but happiness! <3

@cptainsrogers: MY NEWEST MARVEL FANATIC. OH MY GOSH. I know I haven’t said this to you before but I have ALWAYS admired your work from afar. Being the awkward dork that I am, I couldn’t bring myself to send a message. I know it’s dumb. So you can imagine my surprise when you sent me an ask about Jackie. LITERALLY, I had to take a couple minutes to allow myself to calm down. I couldn’t believe that this massively talented person wanted to know about my oc?!?! And after getting to know you, I SHOULD HAVE SENT YOU A MESSAGE WAY SOONER!! LOL. Anyway, I don’t know what I would do without you. I always enjoy the conversations we’ve had and the time we both mourned over Chris being done with the mcu. Robin and Jackie are my girls and we need to do more for them. I love you so much and I can’t wait to see how things turn out in the new year!!! <3

OTHER AMAZING BEANS YOU ALL NEED TO FOLLOW:

@darknightfrombeyond, @curious-fools-howl-to-the-moon, @luucypevensie, @laurenstruckcrs (again thank you for the message you sent me about renegades), @seize-the-droid, @missbb8, @drewtanner, @drbobbimorse, @hennigshelleys, @chlobenet, @perfectlystiles, @curious-kittens-ocs, @carryonmycobaltangel, @blckthcrns, @veroinnumera if I missed anyone else IM SO SORRY. You all are so talented and amazing! And I hope to talk with you all more in the new year!!