#im so fucking mentally ill over these three oh my GOD.

[crazylittlejester]

i have so many fucking THOUGHTS about the war of eras trio and about Wind being older in the war of eras than he is in lu (and yes yes i know it’s not canon but a man can dream and headcanon okay 😭)

i just have so many thoughts about them meeting out of order. Like Wind at 13/14 meets Time and Wars at [redacted] and 27, but when he’s in the war I headcanon he’s like 17, and he meets a 11/12 yo Mask and a 19ish year old Wars. and he KNOWS them! These are his brothers! They were almost like father figures to him because they were so much older than him when he saw them last! But Mask and Captain Link have never met this kid before in their lives, and he can’t tell them anything without changing the course of their futures. So he has to sit there silently while two people he loves sit just out of reach. He has to look at Wars and NOT see Wars, he has to be a big brother to Mask without thinking about how much he misses Time’s advice and comfort because he could accidentally change their future and his own past with a single fuck up

And Wars and Time first meeting ‘Tune’ before Wind? That definitely hurts for them too. I mean Tune would’ve been an older brother to Mask and now Time is old enough to somewhat reasonably be Wind’s FATHER? That’s definitely fucking weird. And of course they’d miss the kid they knew, and every time they look at Wind they’ll see the hero from the war and see how much Wind will grow up, but they have each other. Wars and Time have each other, and yeah it’s definitely weird that Time is now the older one, but they have each other and they KNOW each other

Wind has no one, because he met them out of order. They’re RIGHT THERE, but he’s still alone, and he doesn’t have someone else to talk to about it

i have so many fucking thoughts and none of this is coherent but i needed to get it out somewhere sorry for inflicting my brain rot upon thee

[amberinn]

okay thoughts 👏

not a lot of emotionally charged moments

love the little davwhit and charwhit interactions

Whit is actually SOSOSOSO smart and I'm so thrilled to the core as a Whit fan that his thinking process is shown

Like he is SO UNDERSTANDING and good and amazing I love it

Levi is a psychopath 100%

I made a rant about Whit being a sociopath, but he doesn't fit that criteria because he lacks in exploitation behaviours/anger

I'm SURE he has some sort of hidden disorder (Whit) we haven't yet really talked about

im not a psychologist though

let's leave it to that one person headcanon diagnosing Veronika with asocial personality disorder or whatever I do NOT know what that is!

I fucking love this cast, but it's so mentally ill to the core.

Like so many of those fuckers have something wrong with them I can't stand it (affectionate)

Arei and David interaction??? Let's go

They could've been such good friends and Arei is so sweet forreal.

Eden with the fucking fork.

Fucking hell, oh my GOD.

I love the transitions in scrum debate, they're scrumbtastic and I fucking love and hate how they represent things like, hanging, getting thrown and then breaking your neck, the swinging... fuck it makes me sick

Areden could have been so real

Arei's friends being David and Eden... yeah

It could have been good

I hate the parallels between how David got extended that hand to take--- Xander, Arei.

I've an animation idea between the three od them and this is just slipping so well into my understanding of their dynamic (I'm not really analyzing it too deeply thinking of it though... I guess I should)

I'll get to know the real you, I love you, I will be your friend.

I know you for who you are, it makes me relieved, I guess we're both bad humans huh?

But does a good person really exist?

We'll look out for each other... I could be your friend.

Like fuck drdt is David Chiem nightmare especially that "only someone so fucking naive, stupid, jdk, jekcus could have fallen for such an obvious trap" feels like grief

he's just lost another fucking friend of his

scratch that your outburst is reasonable, or maybe I misremember shit

I would also go insane if anyone who was ever willing to love me got murdered one by one

All you ever do is gain and lose people, just like in "Therefore you and me"

As a result of acquiring as a result of losing, huh David Chiem?

It makes sense for him to want to extinguish that

Everyone looks forward to seeing tomorrow, but what are you gaining by it?

Friends you're losing

Maybe it's even harder for him, because Whit has a friend (Charles) he gets to keep, while David keeps on seeing his get murdered over and over again.

It never ends.

That fucked up little glint when Teruko told her secret >>>>>>>>>

ALSOOOO ALSO

whatever drama was going on between Ace and Levi

Levi IS an insanely fucked up person, and I keep thinking over and over about how for me at least there is not one person I could ship Ace with

like damn mf 🙏 he alone af

I want to give Ace Markey such a big hug, like he is a bitch and has teeth which cut through you every 3 seconds, but girl.

girl you DO NOT DESERVE ALL OF THAT 😭😭😭😭

any of that

Ace Markey is like, subtly circling upwards on my favouritism lists he's my wet kitten you don't get him like I do

He's had a friend before who was a guy

something something---

The fact that I even considered thinking of anyone over here as my friend really just tarnishes his image.

He cares about his friend SO MUCH.

It might be STUPID for me, but this reads as gay.

Ok just trust me in on this I'm a boykisser with a similar situation at hand.

girl lover as well, how do you THINK one person figures out that?

I just feel like Ace Markey might've discovered his homosexuality via that friend

that best friend one might say which makes me sososoo insanely CURIOUS about who it was

yk why

bcs id finally get an Ace ship I actually fw

hell ya let's go homies

also I need to add---

I feel like something has REALLY happened with his friend

might be a bit stupid, but I feel like that friend is dead

"tarnishes his image" huh Ace? Ace what does that mean, why would that image be able to be tarnished

did you say had Ace or am I not remembering it?

are you so afraid of everything, because your best friend is dead Ace?

it's kinda a stretch still though, a leap of faith on a suggestion I'm willing to argue about

[localwhoore]

can you stupid ass pick me lando fans STOP trying to “noooo his names not acccctually lando norris its ackshually bob!!1!!1!1!! we have to gaaatekeep guyysssuhhh the 😡NEWGENS😡 are gonna take overrruhhhhh he wont be ours anymoooorreeeeee” KILL YOURSELF DUDE HES A CELEBRITY ITS NOT THAT FUCKING DEEP DONT ACT AS IF YOU DIDNT GET INTO F1 BY WATCHING A LANDO EDIT THAT GUESS WHAT THE PEOPLE DIDNT GATEKEEP SO FUCK OFF

“here as proof i was a lando girly before chicken shop date!” YOU GUYS WANTED HIM ON THE SHOW AND NOW YOURE COMPLAINING THAT HE IS AND WHINING AND CRYING AND FUCKING SNOBBLING ALL OVER YOUR SCREEN BECAUSE HE WAS IN AN INTERVIEW THAT YOU VOTED FOR HIM TO BE IN BECAUSE SOME OTHER FANS ARE GONNA SEE HIM MORE THAN YOU?? WAAAH WAAAAH CRY ABOUT IT NO ONE GIVES A FLYING FLICKERING FLOATING FUCK ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU SCREAM AND COMPLAIN IN COMMENT SECTIONS IT AINT GONNA DO JACK SHIT YOU FUCKING PICK ME WANNABE WAG BITCH

“oh my god is already happeneing…. theyre finding out abt him!!! gatekeep gatekeep” YOURE BUILT LIKE A GATE YOU FUCKING NOLIFER ACTUALLY TOUCH SOME GRASS YOU CRAZY ASS INCEL 💀💀 OFC PEOPLE ARE BOUND TO FIND HIM ATTRACTIVE HES FUCKING FAMOUS DUDE AND OBVIOUSLY YOU FIND HIM ATTRACTIVE IF YOURE TRYNA GATEKEEP HIM RIGHT? RIGHT??

no joke i saw a comment reply to someone saying hes cute but doesnt know who he is scream and cry and whine and BITCH AND MOAN that “noooo hes ours for the f1 community only xx 💖💖🥰🥰” Hes not going to date you. You’re probably ugly as dogshit that someone stepped on irl.

AND THEN WHEN SOMEONE TOLD THEM TO DROP IT BECAUSE THEY AINT GONNA DATE HIM THEY SAID SOME STUPID ASS SHIT LIKE “well you dont know how i feel so strongly abt him he needs to be protected from the new fans!! xx 🙄” what the fuck ?? are u mentally ill? are u fucking crazy? did you get dropped on your head as a baby down a flight of stairs?

And before ANY of u come after me saying “oh my gawd u probably got into f1 through a lando edit too don’t even 🙄🤪ur js like us” NO i did not ive known abt ts since i was THREE YEARS OF AGE ANDDD DOOOONT PULL UP W SOME “yeah ur probably a charles fan instead then average female fan” im an oscar and yuki and zhou defender go fuck yourself with your lando themed dildo cz he aint want u and thats the closest ur shit ass is gonna get

[serenequeenofeverything]

Daily pull-a-card reading

Daily pull-a-card, is a daily tarot reading in which ill pull one card for every group.

Disclaimer: sometimes i might pull an extra card or two that i wont mention but will definitely take into consideration.

Lots of grammar mistakes ahead bc fuck english.

For September 8-9th 2023

Group i, ii, iii, iv, v, vi

i

The high priestess

U seem to be very connected and in touch with ur emotions, you are at ur peak intuition-wise but why do i see you doubting urself? Why are u so unsure? Almost ur not giving urself the benefit of the doubt, actually quite the opposite. You are not sure of urself whatsoever, but im here to tell what the universe (god, the angels or whatever u believe in) wants you to know : you are on the right path. U are exactly where u r meant to be. U are as connected to ur higher purpose as one can be. There is nothing to fear. You are on the right path. Your own path. Trust yourself a bit more.

A song recommendation (which i reallllllllly urge to listen to bc u cant imagine how strongly this came through, U MUST LISTEN TO IT) :

ii

Ten of wands (r)

Let go of it. The burden you are carrying is not worth it, i don't exactly know what it is, it might or might not be important but here's the thing love, you are more important. U r really precious, u truly don't deserve to carry this baggage, it is just weighing you down. So free yourself, love. I know u can do it, you too know too. My bird of paradise, fly.

A song recommendation that i really wish u to listen to:

iii

The world

My god, you are the girl. Darling you ARE THE GIRL. honestly i dont even need to advice u, all im gonna say, you are the girl. you are the one, i truly truly love your energy. Baddest bitch in the game lmaoo.

I said im not gonna advice you, but i cant stop me, so here it goes, STOP LOOKING INTO THE PAST. What's past is past. Fuck him, fuck them, they didnt deserve you. Look ahead so much is waiting for you, somewhere is waiting for you. And this time, they will deserve you. U will watch it begin again, only better.

A song recommendation that i NEED you to listen to (make sure u listen to taylor's version only tho 🔪🔪)

iv

9 of swords

Hey love, listen to me very carefully, YOU CANT BALANCE IT ALL. whatever you are trying to balance, is taking a toll on you. It's too much work and it's fucking you up mentally. It's too much and read to this even more carefully YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. Ur only human. Either give one of it up, or just free yourself from both( i suggest this). Life is much more than this situation that you are in. And there's better days to come. But you take this decision. U need to take this decision.

A song recommendation that im certain you already know but i think would a good awakening for u :

v

Knight of cups

He is very close. Nearly here. And my god, ur night in his shinning armor is one hell of a night ( THE BEST INTENTIONS LITERALLY ) . Idk girl what u have been manifesting, but that shit is CLOSE, very freaking close. My advice? Just keep doing whatever ur doing. U r doing good, and u will do even better.

Song recommendation(huh... interesting, idk i got this song, but it came very strongly, so listen u never know what's in it for u) / interestedly three things came on strong 1. "Combat" 2. " they see right through me, can you see right through me" 3. "Cause all my enemies started off as friends"

vi

Page of wands

Oh my god, this was like the messiest group everrr! Here's the thing lmao u got many cards, but it just kept going back and forth but one thing im certain about is the page of wands energy all over you. So this group are just very young compared to the rest, or just not in control of their life whatsoever.

For some i see patents getting divorced, families arguing, not very good home environment. And then there's u, amidst all this mess, the shinning one. U have many goals, you are a seeker and a dreamer, u want more. Im hearing " an art deco, Shining like gun metal" and u want more. U want more for you, u want the light, the fame and everything else too. A hungry soul.

" i want my cake and i wanna eat it too"

My advice? It dont matter. U will do as u wish, no one can stop u nor change you. U remind me too much of myself, i know ur ache.

Your song recommendation? Art deco. That song describes you perfectly.

Anyways now that's over, y'all better follow me, i mean who will do u better than i?

Alsooo u can always submit what u want me to do a reading on next by simply commenting ur subject of interest ( no private readings bro i aint got no time for that)

Anyways peace out, bye.

[intertexts]

ROSXSSSSSSSSS can u talk abt muse. pls. muse is the part of nhw that drivrs me the most crazy insane. makes me feel GENUINELY ILL i was reading one of ur most recent muse posts earlier and was like. Oh. ohhhhhhhhh oucwch. ouchiees. had 2 put my phone down and just stare at my desk at work for a minute or so. oh my god. tell me abt nhw ashe a lil bit!!!! his brief lucid moments as muse. does he ever snap out of it while using his powers???? how horrifuying is that. what is he like when hes finally not under the trickster's control and is completely free??? whats it like when hes back with the wards???? im going 2 throw something ougbghh nhw ashe i love u

GODDDDDDD. HIIII WHISKEY HI <333 insane person questions 2 ask because thats literally exactly what i've been thinking about for hours. holy shit. ok. yeah. u get insane 1130pm thought trains!!!! <3333

>it is VERY RARE for him to snap out of it while he's actively in his breaker state [non-lucid state regardless of whether he's being controlled, he's just. going on autopilot & instinct + thats also the terrifying reality melting one that the trickster Likes and chose him for. so.] just bcos he's fucked up regardless-- it happens a couple times!! during a couple fights that mark & tide + the wards are there for!! mackerel also had some thoughts on this i need 2 fucking pick his brain more tomorrow....

>when the trickster is finally Gone (via mal). um. things are. i will be real with you!!!!!!! they are Not Great!!!! they are-- better!!! still fucking Bad!! first of all wibby & virion & dakota are. horrifically traumatized by seeing muse disembowel and tear apart william while still keeping him alive and with all his senses & pain receptors intact. like, he survives, mal puts him back together, but it is-- not. something that any of them easily come back from, especially wibby. they all have involuntary trauma responses towards just. seeing ashe, really-- it's been long enough that their first thought when they see him isn't "oh our awesome best friend ashe :]" it's "oh god oh fuck how did the trickster get here." which everyone hates!!!

ashe specifically... god. he is in a fucking horrific headspace immediately post-muse. the physical and mental strain of being forcibly kept in his breaker state (something that, like, historically, had triggered maybe.. twice. three times. in ten years or so.) as long and as often as he was took a fucking toll. being kept under almost 24/7 mind control for almost a year straight kind of put his head in the blender. for the first... god, whoever knows how long after that, he gets, like, almost daily pulsing headaches & migraines with the aura and confusion and nausea & shit. has a whole host of fucking brain issues-- debilitating anxiety & paranoia over being followed & watched, delusions related to. well. being fucking lobotomized by an insane sadistic superpowered murderer who controlled you and kept you as his favorite toy and had you commit horrific acts for over a year. frequently is terrified or convinced he's still being controlled. shit like that. severe derealization & disconnection frm his own body & such.

also ^ yeag. <3 he is. god. simultaneously insanely touch-repulsed & touch-starved because. the only person really touching him for a year was the trickster!!! yeah!!! his wires r so fucking crossed & he freaks the fuck out whenever anybody makes to touch him and he also misses it so badly, just wants a fucking hug from his dad but for a while he can't even do that without flashbacks and nausea and terror. the same except ten times worse for anyone touching his hair. freaks out when anybody tries to do Anything fucking... caretaking or comforting, really. which sucks because he also is in a ton of physical pain & damage from the insane amount of physical stress-- nothing permanent in a debilitating way, but. y'know. even after he's healed he aches and his joints hurt and he can't stand for too long without it being Bad and it takes a very long time for him to get his coordination and fine motor skills back-- anyway, it's a nasty feedback loop because he very much Cannot do some things on his own but anyone helping him almost always brings back trickster shit. can't help him into the shower can't drape a blanket over him or move him somewhere more comfy if he falls asleep on the couch can't hug him etc!!! & all this while the rest of the gang is also. incredibly fucked up & they're all accidentally hitting each other where they're already hurt and unintentionally triggering each other and like-- it's better!! god!! it's so much better! but it's still. u know. he has to have the worst most miserable excruciating long recovery arc. OH. YEAH. he also straight up fucking refuses to use his powers. is just. incredibly horrified and guilty and full of self-loathing and revulsion at everything that was done using him as a tool. is unspeakably terrified of it happening again, of him accidentally hurting anyone. etc. anyway. it gets better!!!!!!!!!! it gets worse before it gets better though. yeag. yeah.

[cyberdragoninfinity]

zane, ofc

ONE OF MY MOST ETERNAL FAVS

Why I like them/why I don’t: ZANEEEE oh i could write a thousand essays about how much i love him and why (and i have) but i will keep it brief for now. GX may have dropped the ball with the writing on half its series's cast but they knew what they were doing with zane. His character arc is so agonizing and he's such an interesting and complicated character. He threw so much away chasing after sky high standards and victory just to feel something and then killed himself when he knew he was at death's door and THEN had to face consequences of not actually dying and now having to start the long road to recovery. god. he's just fantastic. not a villain or even really a bad guy at his core but more of a performative bad guy. heel_turn_2.mp3. i love him so much

What I like about their appearance: the hell kaiser look is still just absolutely top notch yugioh outfit design. the black and silver...the ref stripes down the legs, it's such a kickass color palette that really compliments zane's dark teal hair (i also love how he and syrus really do have the same shape of bangs it's really cute)

Do I prefer their dub names or original names? going to be a Zane Truesdale preference-haver until the end of time i fear....it's just such a badass name it suits him so well imo. i do also like calling him ryozane after seeing a twitter oomf do it. the beautiful bridge gap between a dub and sub liker in conversation: just shoving both names together into one word <3

OTP: it has been a hot minute since ive gone insane about them but know zatticus/idolshipping is still an all time fav ygo ship for me. there is so much love there and also they are a fucking mess. ideal zatticus dynamic is a bit this to me i must say. they need a little sprinkling of divorce in there. they came like that

NOTP: idk man i think if you ship him with his little brother you should get a really big rock smashed over your head tbqh

OT3: do also enjoy the zane/atticus/fujiwara Elite Trio.... three guys who are mentally ill and nonbinary in three different directions. i need them to play dnd together so bad

Favourite card they use: tossup between Chimeratech Overdragon (such a cool as hell monster,) good old Cyber End Dragon (probably my favorite ace monster in all of GX and top three for all of yugioh period,) and, of course, Power Bond (*thinks about the truesdale bros and starts crying sobbing wailing etc*)

Favourite moment they were in: gotta be the zane vs possessed!jesse season 3 duel/zane's last stand of course. everything about it. when gx had a lighting and color budget and it shredded like hell. when zane goes out having summoned Cyber End, his ace and oldest friend, instead of using the Cyberdarks anymore, and all the thematic weight to that. the dub exclusive of zane telling syrus he's proud of him immediately before dying. absolute S tier yugioh.

Least favourite moment: HM. LIKE. i dont even hate it i think it's an engaging and fucked up duel but i will say the zane vs syrus s2 duel because it makes people absolutely fuck up comprehending both of these characters like. atrociously badly. see me after class.

im gonna replace the FKM last question with 'something you associate with the character' (song, animal, flowers, etc etc)' instead: hisuian samurott :^) the hell kaiser pokemon ever to me

[samarecharm]

Bouncing off my bi ryuji awakening post, im gonna add these tags from it: (separated to make it easier to read)

[#anyway. akira is the guy ever. and ryuji is exploding#‘i have died. badly’#i like thinking of akira like this; hes ryujis first exposure to nb ppl and gnc adjacent stuff#even if akira is p masc by most standards hes still got a bit of. aloofness. about his gender stuffs#ryuji is just really into the way akira carries himself#and it takes him a while to go oh. oh i think its cause i like this dude#um.#😳.

#also i wanted to clarify#but ryujis mom just doesnt know Who akira is in that picture#and in my head hes like. looking down at mona and petting him (while sitting)#(AND hes with ann and theyre both kind of a distance away from the camera)#so at a quick glance; hes just Some Girl#and even though shes wrong; it kicks off the mental chaos olympics in ryujis head#‘what hes not a girl’ to ‘where would she even get that from’ to ‘well akira said himself he didnt rlly care what ppl thought about it’#to ‘well. where DID she get that from?’ to lookin at what his homie does a little closer to ‘aw fuck. man.’#but i love that for him

#ALSO. RYU/GORO IN TAGS…..#but ryuji going oh my GOD oh my godddd 😨😓😓😓 when something clicks in his head about goro#his voice is so practiced and naturally softspoken and his public facing persona is very demure#and once he gets past the initial anger over goro being a pompous prick who shittalks about the thieves. hes like. god fucking dammit.#There Is A Pattern and A Type He Has and Its Killing Him To Realize it.#hes literally sitting in his room w his head in his hands]

Ryuji definitely finds Conventionally Attractive Girls pretty, but he realizes around postgame that he genuinely formed crushes on THREE people; Akira, Makoto, and Goro. And all three of them are people who carry themselves as a bit Soft and Delicate (akira and makoto w their personality and mannerisms, goro w his appearance) while also being deceptively strong. Yusuke WOULD fit into this but hes only strong in the metaverse. Also if u tried to argue that he still finds yusuke pretty, Ryuji would just say ‘yeah duh? Of course???’ and would not elaborate further.

I just think. Its cute 👉🏾👈🏾 Ryuji loves someone whos pretty and capable of knocking him flat on his ass lmao He LOVES a challenge and he likes that they can all challenge him in different ways.

Akira is way stronger than he looks; hes very toned and he used to be quite active before being shipped off to tokyo. And after fighting in the metaverse, hes gotten way better at using an enemies mass and momentum against them. Yeah he can properly knock someone down, but its way easier to let Ryuji charge him and use that momentum to sweep and pin. Which Ryuji remembers vividly for Weeks. Akira is not allowed to spar w him and Makoto for awhile after that.

Makoto is just strong as hell. But shes very defensive, and extremely patient. ‘Ill wait and see before I decide What to do’. Shes got good reaction timing and its hard to catch her offguard. Its very difficult to disorient her so oftentimes, his spars w her are more about endurance. And if he ASKS her to do so, she’ll actually fight him back. He never wins 😭 but she is very patient w him and she doesnt treat him like an idiot. She likes to give him tips and redirect his strengths to make up for his weaknesses and it makes him a bit warm in this chest

Spars w Goro are just fun. Theyre fun! Goro is way more aggressive and reckless than Makoto and Akira. He is looking for openings near constantly and Ryuji has to either keep up or tank hits. Its very. Engaging. For him. Sometimes he loses and Goro is giving him a look so smug, Ryuji wishes he could kick him in his fucking teeth (something he clearly couldnt do bc hes already been knocked flat on his ass). And sometimes he wins, and hes so shocked and HAPPY about it; he doesnt miss the way Goro looks away from him pouting like a brat (‘no fucking way are u POUTING man, what a sore loser 😭’). Goro and his uptight personality is thrown out the window completely and its so fun and refreshing to see. Hes tall and imposing w broad shoulders and toned arms and if Ryuji is staring, he finds himself immediately distracted when Goros cheerful, softspoken voice asks if hes willing to go another round.

I love it 👉🏾👈🏾 Ryujis got a complicated relationship w violence but it helps to have people he trusts engage with it in a way that doesnt make him feel like some brute. Theyre all kind of itching to beat the shit out of things for multiple reasons, but instead of taking that out on each other, they spend time training one another so that they can beat the shit out of OTHER things better. Its an efficient system 😊

[cherry-bomb-ships]

You guys have noooooo idea how sickeningly mentally ill I have been abt spy over the past like. Three days like girl wwhat the. What the fuck oh my gOD IF U GUYS SAW THESE FUCKING DISCORD CHATS 💀💀💀💀 ESPECIALLY THIS FUCKING ART THAT MY GF SENT ME EARLIER THAT I AM NOT KIDDING..MADE ME PRACTICALLY MOAN THE WORDS "OH MY GOD" OUT LOUD. LIKE PPL OVERHEARD AND QUESTIONED ME CUZ IM WHINING ABT THIS FRENCHMAN IRL HELPPPPPPP!!!!!!!! I HATE HIM I HATE HIMMMMM BUT ALSO I NEED HIM SO BADLY I WANT TO DO UNSPEAKABLE THINGS TO HIM

[boyinafandom]

YOU

Part 1

Song of this installment

Yes I’m bringing this 2020 banger back SHHHH

This is technically an au

In this au there are:

•Toby, still has Tourette's, although barely mentioned when in his pov because he's used to it and tunes it out now

•he still has his canon mental illnesses don’t worry

•he has no cheek scar-he has a lot of freckles though, that he covered in the first story with makeup, because it’s an easy thing to identify him with.

•his family isn’t dead, he’s just fucking crazy or sum idk (this is subject to change though? When i find lore, because in most cases psychopathy is made from child abuse-although it is believed that it may be genetically passed so…)

•reader is trans ftm (read part one for like context in there transition) not apart of the au but im TIRED AND SICK OF THE STRAIGHT FEMALE Y/N WE NEED MORE TRANS REP

TRIGGER WARNINGS

•kidnapping

•implied that someone (and everyone) Y/N knows and works with is now dead

• torture 

•manipulation

•MOMMM TOBYS BEING A MINDLESS HEARTLESS CRAZED FREAK AGAIN

Summary

It’s been about a three years since the whole “clock em over the the head and tie him up in your basement” incident, you thought it was over.

You were sorely mistaken.

______________________

Y/N’S pov

I changed jobs, moved away,changed my name for the 6th time in my life time(while only being 27). Started over. AGAIN. Because I’m incapable of keeping the creeps away.

.

.

.

I don’t know why I didn’t kill him like I did the others.

You know, usually, when the restraining order doesn’t work, instead of telling the police, you take matters into your own hands,but he’s slippery, more then I thought, he got away, how could I have let this happen, now look at me?

Locked in a basement, and cold, uncomfortably dry basement, waiting for who I can only assume to be the man I thought I so blissfully got away from (and almost managed to kill) a few years back.

And now that I say all this. You must be deeply confused, so allow me to explain.

______

September 4th 2024

12:34 AM

It’s freezing, and my makeup is starting to come off, thankfully I brought my mask. Why is this place still going on this late anyway? I mean, I get wanting a good midnight scare, (I work as a scare acter now) but it’s a freezing September night, the only people who are showing up are drunk…and..shit..someone is coming, ok- got to get into position

I borrow myself into the corn field..and wait

…

…

…

AND SUDDENLY I LEAP OUT AT THEM WITH A SCREAM

Dowsing them in fake blood and landing on top of them…I was not meant to land on them…shit..

I hear an audible groan

“Oh shit I’m sorry man! That was not meant to happen-“

“Naw man it’s fine-“

He sounds vaguely familiar,but who doesn’t,right?

I get off him, and he starts to get up

Shit I wasn’t supposed to break character, I then feel my alarm go off in my pocket..

My shift ended?? Then what is this guy doing here?

He smiles at me a wide..sharp toothed smile..

“What’s the alarm for?”

“My shift ended, it’s close time. What are you doing this far out?if I may ask?”

“You may, and I got here about an hour ago. I made it this far out because I…don’t actually know..?”

He does a full 360* turn and looks heavily confused, like he knew what he signed up for, but doesn’t know how he got where he is now.

“You uh..want me to walk you back?”

His neck jerks and he says a fast yes, clicking his tongue and stuttering

“You uh..good?”

Either he’s a tweaker he has tics, please god don’t be a fucking tweaker.

“So..why’d you come out this late?”

I say, since he completely ignored my question

“Hm..? Oh uh-? Just felt bored”

His hand jerks

It’s hard to see in the heavy lack of light. If it wasn’t for the moon shining over us, I wouldn’t even be able to tell if he was a man or woman,but…he reeks of copper..

Copper..

“So..you work here? Or do you volunteer??”

He asks

“I uh…work here..also sorry, this walk will take a minute, this is the end of the scare trail after all”

I say with a chuckle

He looks at me

“What’s funny?”

“Hm?”

“You laughed, so what’s funny?”

I start to feel a prickle up my spine at the sudden change in demeanor,cold running up and down my body.

“Oh um..nothing sorry, just trying to break the tension that’s all..”

___

At some point after light conversation we end up back on the well lit trail…and then I see his face. He’s covered in freckles, and fake blood and he has a..large scar on his eyebrow..

Odd

I cut rogers when I tried to get rid of him for good

Whatever

We keep waking and then I smell something, it reeks of copper and cigarette smoke, Jaden usually smelled like cigarette smoke..

It starts to click

I walk over to the source of the smell..

Then I see it, this blobbed red thing..

“Hey uh..I realized i never got your name”

The guy says

“Where did you get that scar..?”

I say without turning around, peering into the ditch trying to see if my suspicions were correct

“You.”

And then then I feel him, his hands on my face. a wet rag over my mouth and nose, I try to hold my breath and fight but I quickly start to lose air..and then I breath it in..and lose consciousness…

_____

And that kids,is how I got locked in this creeps basement…

Fuck I hope Charles ok…

Shh..I can hear movement upstairs

______

TOBY’S POV

This is GREAT. I finally get to see you again-mostly because you were to dumb to recognize me, shame really, I thought you loved me tiger.

We’re in love! So how did you not recognize me????it’s fine I suppose, I already killed the bitch you replaced me with. I mean seriously??? A bleach blonde twink??? I am so much better than him.

So

Much

Better.

As I make my way down stares,to you,I kind of realize-that you,mhm you tiger-probably don’t recognize me. It’s a shame, you didn’t see to recognize me when we saw each other again.

I hope you didn’t forget about me.

I slowly creak the entrance to you’re sell (that I made just for you! By HAND, because I truly care about your comfort) and there you are, immediately on alert, jerking about in your seat, thrashing about.

“Your only gonna make it tighter,tiger, I’ll untie you soon, you just have to stop struggling and relax”

You stop,surprisingly, and try to find the source of my voice.

“MFGHH!! MFH MOH”

You bark at me, to bad your mouth is gagged, I’d love to hear what you have to say.

“Hm? What was that?”

I mutter with a smirk, walking over to my table, and picking up my flaying knife

You hear the metal clink, I hear the scared whine you make.

“You’re about to be in a lot of pain tiger. Too bad you deserve it.”

You start to cry. But you didn’t comfort me when I cried…because you weren’t there.

“Stop crying, it’s gonna get a lot worse,Y/N.”

I pull the cloth out of your mouth, and you immediately go silent, like a whine or even scream is born and killed in your throat, maybe you think your silence with get you off easy, but it won’t. So don’t bother.

“Don’t bother struggling.”

I stab into your top of you’re left thigh, bluntly and brutally, and you cry harder, screaming so loud your voice breaks.

“Mhm. Let me hear you pretty boy.”

I pull it a little farther out and watch the blood gush out of your thigh, you’re screaming and crying, not begging though.

“It doesn’t matter how loud you scream, no one can hear you, this place is sound proofed.”

You stop screaming, and then huff something out, it’s so quiet I can almost barely hear it like it’s taking up all of your strength.

“Yknow…you’re a pretty good actor….”

I can’t help but not laugh, I mean complementing me? Really? That’s not gonna get you out of this.

“Why are you laughing? What’s funny?”

You mutter

I quirked an eyebrow

“Oh nothing…”

I rake the blade into your thigh one more time, this time you only jerk your spine in response.

Now I’m never letting you go.

____

I KNOW I SAID I WOULDNT MAKE A PART TWO BUT HERE IT IS. Eat up smucks:3

Also sorry that I’ve haven’t post a fic of any kind in like a month in a half, life likes to rake its nails down my back while licking my ear lobe lol

[ghxstchronicals]

•☽────✧˖°˖ 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗴𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗼𝗴𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 ˖°˖✧────☾•

except I poorly explain it in my own words

⌞ harlexon ⌝

➜. they're poly, but Haru didn't come 'til later! that being said...

➜. Alex and Dilon are childhood friends, turned lovers ! but. omg. in highschool they were the worst. I'm so serious.

➜. they were borderline DATING already. they could kiss, cuddle, hold hands, and Alex would pop out with the "what are we?" and Dilon just wouldn't answer

➜. a rift was caused when Alex kissed Dilon with Derek's support (Dilon SMILED???? he enjoyed it) ... but then she started avoiding him so like. okay.

➜. he made it no better tho??? he got more and more upset and bitchy as time went on, and NO communication happened.

➜. then they had a sleepover and were forced to sleep together, and had a very awkward conversation ⤿ "... it's pretty hot right now, isn't it?" "it's below sixty degrees in here." "right... I meant-" "shut the fuck up."

➜. don't worry! they work it out, and come out the next day ACTUALLY together. they were basically insufferable for everybody, with obvious crushes on each other, but everytime someone asked, it was always "what? no, we're not together??" (or "we're not???")

➜. they are happily married tho !! have been for years now <33

➜. Haru and Dilon, as i've posted so you should know already, went from strangers, to kinda friends, to fuckbuddies

➜. they didn't exactly "get together" until Alex got back, so they had sort of a situationship going on.

➜. that said, Haru and Alex hated each other. on Haru's end, this is the girl who took the love of his life from him, and on Alex's end, this guy is really trying to compete with me for my husband. what the fuck

➜. ... long story short; they fucked and Haru casually inserted himself into their relationship (the poly was his idea)

⌞ josmora ⌝

➜. love at first sight. literally !!

➜. Shamora fell first, Josh fell harder. she saw him when passing through ballet classes to get to her boxing class (nonamericans, DONT look up if ballet/boxing classes are real in the state of California. you'll find out that Im lying)

➜. she saw a pretty girl (pre-josh transition) and went. woah.

⤿ Shamora was terribly a lesbian before Josh (post-transition)

➜. she's acting all weird now, so come lunch time, her friends piece it together that she has a crush (she used to be obvious like that)

➜. Josh didn't acknowledge Shamora's existence until one day she scared off a group of nobody-girls that were fucking with him, then she invited him over to sit with her and her friends

➜. they IMMEDIATELY hit it off, and they're the only couple here that acknowledges that they're dating before they're even dating

➜. before they get married, and after he came out, Shamora paid for his top surgery and all other needed things (no bot-surg), and he married her faster

➜. That One Couple that makes you sick. the couple with the couple goals!

⌞ dash ⌝

➜. now lookie here.

➜. they're like. worse than Dilon and Alex.

➜. except it's not even Ash's fault. Derek is just a WHORE

➜. i'd argue that they're worse than Alex and Dilon...but I digress.. On one hand, Ash had a crush on Derek for the longest... the only problem was that Derek was a HOPPER.

➜. like... first, it's his twin sister's bf, a girl at one point, some more guys... oh look at that, he married Joseph of all people.

➜. now, this is probably the first time Ash directly interfered with Derek's relationships. mostly because Joseph was...Joseph. abusive, manipulative, cunning -- not that Derek didn't hit his ass back, but still.

➜. Derek even had his baby - only to get it taken after the divorce because (via Joseph) he was too "mentally ill" to take care of the kid (Joseph didn't get the kid either so)

➜. Ash and Derek saw each other during Derek's three-year headache... and then they finally got together themselves. oh my god Ash ily (no I don't)

⌞ jerelucy ⌝

➜. mommy and daddy of the group (literally)

➜. ran(runs) a successful business, hence the wealthiness of the family, be it biological, married into or found

➜. however, we're not discussing how they got together, rather their "falling out".

➜. headcanon that Jeremy is a lightweight... a terrible holder of alcohol.

➜. because he and Lucy were happy, excruciatingly so. with three kids, and newly born twins !!

➜. until Jeremy was working late out one night. he can't remember much except for waking up with a headache, then proceeding to turn to wrap his arms around his- this was not his wife.

➜. sitting up frantically, he'd find that he wasn't even at the penthouse. he honestly doesn't think her threw up any faster than he did right then and there.

➜. of course Lucy found out about it, and of course she was rightfully pissed about it.

➜. this led to frequent arguments - their oldest son gone, and their oldest daughter out in college already, leaving their second-older son to take care of the twins while they became strangers in their own home

➜. Jeremy lost himself the moment Lucy tried to divorce him. he became an entirely different person--not the gentleman he once was-- it the good father he was before.

➜. he wasn't active in his kids' life much anymore. but he did grieve when Dilon committed suicide when he was only...nine?

➜. while still not as active, he refused to go through with the divorce. Lucy never took him to court for it either. why??

➜. she was hurt and heartbroken, but she still loved him as much as she hated him now, even if he was a stranger now

[tmntxthings]

woahh matchups?? by grace no less??? raced to the askbox 🫡

im decently tall(?), like 170cm last i checked three years ago lmfao. I love cooking food, but my way of measurements is to literally just throw in whatever my heart desires and pray it turns out right. Im supposed to wear glasses but i dont because i look cooler without them and luckily my eyesight is decent. What am i even supposed to say for a matchup this has become a mini storytelling session about myself ???

I enjoy flirting with my girl friends because its genuinely how i show love to them lmao, i literally call them babe/jagiya (like honey in korean)

oh! there was this one time i met a mutual friend for the first time and immediately winked at her in the train as soon as we made eye contact. ill never forget it.

ikr ?! who would’ve guessed, im being bombarded with them now xD i didn’t realize what I was getting into heheh

MY DEAR PUMPKIN, it should come as no surprise that I match you with Leonardo Hamato

(it took me a ridiculous amount of time to find this god damn gif of this shit head winking for the ultimate effect)

And here are my reasons <333333

I’m once again going against what I initially said, I like the whole opposites attract or yk finding someone who compliments you, like a ying/yang thing BUT

I couldn’t stop imagining you immediately flirting with the Face Man, and him at first being completely taken off guard, you?? flirting with him!?!

but better believe that moment only lasts seconds before his smirk is taking over that face, confidence up to the max as he winks back at you, anddddd don’t think you’re just walking away after that! Now he’s gotta talk to you, spit game so-to-speak hehe, and the two of you are fast ‘friends’ (he totally thinks the two of you are dating as soon as u flirted with him)

and then his world comes crashing down when he sees that you do it with your girlfriends too, he’s having a mental breakdown- what- wait- im not special?! T^T *crying in the club* but now he’s all the more determined to win you over for real, pulling out all the stops to see a sweet blush appear on your face, I mean it’s only fair since you get that reaction out of him too, though he does his best to cover it up (quite literally lifting his hand to his face, pretending to cough, and sometimes drastically making a getaway portal before you see how completely beguiled he is)

hehe I imagine he has the same kind of cooking methods as you too, fuck them measurements! tho you may have to hold Leo back from dumping a whole load of spices/flour/whatever ingredient into the mixing bowl xD

and i imagine he would make you ten times more confident as well, he’ll tease you for not wearing your glasses, for sureeee, he will wear them himself, “Don’t I look cute?? Tell me I’m—“ though glasses have the opposite effect on him, he’s totally running into poles, walls, practically breaking your poor glasses, but I guess thats one way to convince you to wear them??? Don’t worry he absolutely adores the way you look with them on, he’s just a tease ya know? And a dummy! But your dummy c;

and that’s all I got my dearest pumpkin <33333 I rlly hope you enjoyed hehe

[robotnuts]

im so glad u watched 19 bc i truly have soooo many thoughts on like theres so much potential & really good scenes there but so many misses. the tex part is easily the best part of it though i still cant believe it actually happened. i kinda wish sarge's death was off screen like you see them watch him die but give him no final words sort of deal... i feel like it wouldve been a better plot device rather than the longer scene if sarge saying what he's feeling as he dies. sorry i keep thinking about that its my main thing i wouldve changed. well that and putting wash back in prison instead of a mental facility because i think a prison break with untreated mental illness couldve done more than ....... whatever the hell the wash scenes were. restoration is easily the best set up for fanwork ive seen in a while tho NGL the meta tucker concept is soooo fun i wish it got explored more. sorry im rambling in ur askbox now LOL

YESSS sorry for the late response. im glad rvb restoration dropped hwen it did so ic ould watch it irl with my girlfriend but it did happen to be during the most busy month of my year so obviously my blogging has been completely slacking. i really love this final line that apparently sarge was going to say. i think its more sweet and poetic than him spelling out how hes feeling about simmons and grif in particular

no yeah my biggest issue is just like. this felt like a vehicle for like, meta scenes saying goodbye to the reds and the blues, but the actual like "plot" of the season didnt really have any time to develop and had to just be quick weird scenes that were just kind of tonally dissonant and not really polished or treated with the same kind of care and deftness he was able to handle mixing the humor and plot elements of the recollections trilogy. both due to the runtime, him being out of the game for so long, and needing to do a full plot in one season instead of three. it really felt bare bones. which is fine it's just like, obviously you can see that its not the best, and i feel like if it was going to just be a vehicle for sappy goodbye to rvb as a property scenes i wish it had just gone all in and given us more interactions between the different characters. idk. im not really sure how id fix it aside from just having my own completely differnet version of their future in my head but ive already kind of written that post out for my post chorus vision lmao. dumpster baby forever...

META TUCKER IS REALLY FUN AND I COULDNT BE TOO MAD AT IT because it was literally a type of concept that epsilontucker riffed on after the open ended s13 (oh my god rip epsilontucker i think im gonna be sick). but his scenes again felt pretty jarring nad just put in there to keep the season moving and wahh why did they torture him for 10 fucking years ahhh scary AHHH. yeah, now that you said it it really does feel like. the bare bones of an incredible 250k word fanfic written by someone who has a different more serious tone than the original series like, put my guns in the ground style, moreso than an rvb season LMFAO but that's fine if anyones still in the fandom and cares to do that i'd love to see it. idk. im rambling. it was a good fun stream and i liked individual scenes but it was definitely all over the place for me

[littlegayassbitch]

thinking about the bitb soundtrack

that shit is absolutely amazing, I'm gonna rant for so long about this shit, here's literally every song from it described in great hyper-fixated detail, it gets pretty sad at the end, also spoilers for blood in the bayou!

If you want to listen along with my deranged ramblings about this soundtrack, here is a link.

BEWARE!!! I AM MENTALLY ILL!!! READ ON IF YOU DARE!!

The heartbeat motif for most, if not all of the songs is absolutely gorgeous, I adore it so much, the notes hit your brain in all the right places to make you feel uneasy, and the SoundFont?????? that shit is very much Blood in the motherfuckin Bayou!

The intro and outro are absolute masterpieces and I will listen to them for hours on end like I hear that shit and. AUGHAUAGAHUGA I go rabid

horrors in the bayou??? thats 19 minutes of pure absolute cool!!!! how do you make it like that!??!? It's awesome, it's noises, it's cool, it's slimy, it's slippery! it's just awesome I love it.

wandering around galloway is such an awesome one too, it just... AUGH they really are, they do that, its so surreal!! and the way the notes kinda jumpscare you if you aren't paying attention is so fun

dropping like ravens, bro, I swear to god, I can hear a plop noise in the background, that shit is so fucking cool, it fits so well, it sounds like the noises they would make as they fell, the drum sounds like things hitting metal, and the goddamn music kicking in halfway through is so fUCKING COOL MAN

sludgified... what do I even say???? the buildup is so worth it for this song!!! it's so fitting, and you can tell when each scene is, it's awesome and cool and awesome (but Rat did not deserve this fate, mans was too silly to go that soon...)

touching the forcefield is where the heartbeat motif really comes into play, you can hear that shit all the way through, and I am loving every second of it, I am going absolutely apeshit over this soundtrack, its so undeniably perfect dude

there are people in the swamp. YES, THERE ARE!!! YOU CAN HEAR THE PHASES OF REALIZATION THAT THERE ARE IN FACT FUCKIN PEOPLE IN THERE AND THEY AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE. IT'S SO STRESSFUL IN A GOOD WAY

OUTRO, IM TALKING ABOUT THIS ONE AGAIN, I LOVE IT SO MUCH, 18892954358324/10 ITS SO PERFECT I ADORE IT SO MUCH THE BEAT AND SOUNDS MAKE MY BRAIN COGS STOP RUSTING

intrusive thought, wooooAAAAAoooo. << it's doing that, it's so ADHD-friendly, I could literally listen to this forever. then it hits you with the METAL SOUNDIN SHIT AND ITS 100000000 TIMES MORE AWESOME

the melted man, it gets its point across so insanely well, the little tink! noises it has like water droplets are so pretty, but like, unsettling, then the beeps of a heart monitor start-up and I justafhjkdshjf AND THEN THE ENDING BIT???? MY HEART RATE GOES UP SO MUCH, STRESS LEVEL IS THROUGH THE ROOF, I LOVE IT

returning to the forcefield is awesome because the heartbeat motif!!!!!!!!!!!!! is back and louder than fuckin EVER. It's so eerie and indescribable, but you have all the words to use, it's so fun.

the funeral, melancholy, Rolans parents (?) are fucking DEAD, It's solemn, it's sad, its a funeral, the piano gets this point across perfectly, and it's so different from most of the other songs that you can tell this scene is a different tone entirely.

secrets of the will, so mysterious, and alluring... what's going on with the will?? What's the answer??? where should Rolan go? what should he do???

now here are some more of my favourites, in a big batch o three

followed, its so... it's such a 'leading up to big important thing' song and its so necessary for this it needs to be eerie and 'uh oh' esque and just AAARGGGHHHHHH

approached. WOOOAH its speeding up!! its getting faster!! we're about to see some action!! Woo! yeah! get approached by your cousin! get stressed! go do that shit!

Hunted. HOLY FUCKING SHIT IS THIS SONG AWESOME, all the buildup, and this does not disappoint! like, it induces so much anxiety in me that I listen to it if I'm tired to wake myself up, its such a good running song, and its such an awesome thing to listen to while writing horror, infinity/10 I love hunted. so so so so so so so so much

THE POST METAMORPHOSIS INTRO!! OH MY GOD!!!! OH MY GOD!!! YOU CAN HEAR THE OG INTRO UNDER IT, ITS SO FUNKY!! SO SILLY!!! THIS SHIT IS AMAZING I LOVE IT SO MUCH

coming home. YeahhhhhHH!HH!H!HHhhHHHH its so much less energetic than the song before it, you can hear how upsetting this scene will be, the piano sounds hopeful, and resigned at the same time. beautiful.

limited time. there is a very great sense of urgency in this one, with the ticking clock in the background, and the strings being played in the back, I'm writing this part as fast as I can because I feel like I'm on a time limit bro it works SO GODDAMN WELL.

the abyss stares back. Water... noises in my ea r s... the droning noises.... the everything..... it makes me feel so trapped, so claustrophobic, my skin has goosebumps listening to it....

cocooned. THERE IS SO MUCH FEAR IN HERE, I CAN BARELY HEAR MY OWN FEAR. THIS SHIT MAKES MY NECK TWITCH /POS I LOVE THE PLUCKING STRING SOUNDS, AND THE WAY ITS SO UNORGANIZED AND YET SO STRUCTURED.... PERFECTION

forgotten promise, this is such a normal song, for the first 10 seconds, then it gets into this odd sort of off-beat-ish faster melody, and I'm here for it, it gets more and more unsettling, you don't know the difference until it's too late. (rip Kian Stone)

a melody better left unknown, more like... a melody everyone needs to hear right now... it's amazingly unsettling, the perfect thing for this scene, it embodies the spirit of what this scene means for the rest of the campaign.

entomophobia. GOD, HOLY SHIT, THIS IS SUCH AN UPBEAT ONE COMPARED TO THE REST. reminds me of the can-can at times, but in like a great way, sounds reminiscent of clown music in the beginning. AND WHEN IT GETS TO THE MIDDLE, WHOO BOY I AM HAVING A FIELD DAY WITH THIS. amazing song, love it, love everything abt it.

heartbeat in the swamp is like the forcefield, but much more... foreboding. You can tell this is a very important point, the droning sounds are much more common in here, and there's more than one at a time. heartbeat motif my absolute beloved... <3

metamorphosis. this song... THIS SONG IS RIGHT HERE. it is spot on for this reveal, the whole thing is so nice to listen to, the clicking-Esque noises, the bug-like rhythm for those clicks, beautiful, and when you get halfway in.... it gets so much more dramatic, and it is deserved for this!!!! it is so dramatic and it fits!!!!!!! love it for this, you go, metamorphosis!!!!

bitb post metamorphosis outro... I am... barely containing myself right now, this song..... AUGH..... listening isn't enough anymore I need to kiss the song. (sorry everyone I may have gotten a bit too much there, I do feel that way, it's a very kissable song.)

The Face in the Bog. oooooohhhhhg its so adgfhjdsghjfhgd the low notes are so ominous.......... love it,..,.. so much.,,,,,, dying currently.,,,

Something Bugging You. YOU ARE RIGHT, ITS THE FACT THAT I AM UNABLE TO DESCRIBE THIS SONG THAT I SO DESPERATELY WANT TO, IT'S SO. PRETTY, LIKE WIND CHIMES, BUT TOO ORGANIZED TO BE THEM, IMAGINE IF SOMEONE WAS MOVING YOUR WIND CHIMES PRETENDING TO BE THE WIND. IT'S LIKE THAT.

Race to the Heart of the Hive. OH MY LORD, THIS IS LIKE, MARIO KART BUT IF EVERY COM PLAYER WAS A GODDAMN BUG AND IF YOU DON'T WIN YOU GET TURNED INTO GOO, AND THE WORLD ENDS, BECAUSE IT IS THE ELECTRONIC BITS??? MARVELOUS, STUNNING, EFFERVESCENT, LOVELY. I AM SO READY TO RUN A MILE RIGHT NOW

Run Away. Now, there is no reason for this to have gone this hard, the start is slow, and its like 'Oh okay, slower song.' and then a bit later. NOPE, ELECTRIC GUITAR BOSS FIGHT MUSIC, the other fight-ish songs were 'fight a bug monster' but this one... this one is a 'Holy shit, your friend is a bug monster, and he's attacking you, and you can't save him, you have to fight against the face of a friend, one who you've just met up with again, one you've just gotten back. You need to kill him.' kinda deal. very much up there in the top 5.

A Moment of Respite. calm before the storm, come chill for 2 minutes and 12 seconds, you need it, you get this time to relax, but be ready to jump right back in.

You will be Replaced. Words can't describe how I feel (jk, they can, and ill spend a while talking about this.) it's like every stressful song in one, it's like entomophobia, but more is at risk, everything is at risk, you need to hurry, you need to finish this. I 100% love this one.

The Queen. It's so... calm at first, like she's a good thing, she's helping, she's nice, even! Let yourself become one with her, she'll take care of the hard parts! but then, halfway mark, she's let down her facade, face the queen, or die. Knowing the odds, you will be struggling to not meet the second fate. she knows you know how unlikely you are to win, and laughs in your face as you fumble with weapons that have no effect, as you hallucinate things in her presence, as you try to bargain with the false face of a long-dead loved one. It's such a regal-sounding piece, and rightfully so, this is the QUEEN.

nwonK syawlA ev'I ydoleM A. The reverse of a melody better left unknown, but somehow the one that fills me with more dread than its predecessor. Reverse audio has always made me uncomfortable, and mix it with the BITB vibe and you have a recipe for paranoia and fear. in a good way!

Rolan's Ultimatum. A reprise of limited time, you can hear the decisions that are having to be made, it's a hard one, sacrifice yourself, and be an unsung hero, or leave, and live a peaceful life, knowing that you have left behind your two best friends, now one, to die. He needs to think fast, or else it will be too late, and he'll have lost both his friends, and his humanity.

You've Changed. Ugh!! such a bittersweet ending!!! We know that Rand is probably bleeding out in the bayou, hallucinating about going home with his now-alive totally human sister. The song is too distorted to offer anything other than death. The end had the same plucking of guitar strings as the bug songs, so he is not alright. I am so sad that they all had to die, they all had lives ahead of them, great ones. Except for Rand... he died a nobody, and he will not be remembered for anything other than his corpse, and maybe a passport. Nothing more, nothing less. He was nobody. And will never be somebody.

BONUS!!

Smoke with the Devil. this song, which played at the end of ep 4, is so great, it's such a sadness-ridden song, Grizzly did so well with this part! His singing is so nice, and if someone shared this song with me and didn't tell me it was from a Call of Cthulu campaign and is sung by a character who tried to seduce his friend's mom and dad and then promptly exploded I would not notice.

and that ends my completely deranged review of the BITB soundtrack, you can find it on Spotify now! You can go on the Patreon and download it from there! If you want to hear more about blood in the bayou from me, ask me, please please please please please I am insane about these 33-year-olds from the '80s I want to talk about them so badly.

I love Blood in the Bayou so fucking much.

[banesberry-anomoly]

How that high treating you??? B))

Im at a weird spot with this one were its. aceoss between exsitensionlism (i know i butchered that word), giggling at everything, super melting mess and over emotional at every thing for various reasons, and being hyper aware of what being high is actually like and Im being thrown around between the four extremes like Im the ball in a game of four way ping pong

Im also hallucinating to high hell. Yknow those vidoes wthat show you and theyre all super weird and shit like transitions into each other woth no really rhyme or reason anyways my ppint is yeah thats all very accurate for anoen taht hasnt gotten high before also theres new shit thrown in too so watch out for that

And time dialation is a bitch too. Oh i know that was only two maybe three minutes at most but noooooo its actual felt more like 4 or 5 hours so help me gods augh Im feeling awful therer are spurals in ever square inch of my vision right now

And short term memory is also shit and combine that with being mentally ill in general and a systems and that all just SKYROCKETS oh fuck the keys on my phone screen are melting what the fuck anyways yeah y0u gotta keep looking back at shit and writing it down helps immensely with remembering shit and I know for a fact that Im ramblign at this point but what can I do

I feel liek an ao3 writer that just remembered they need to update that really popular fic that they were sad about not updating but the. remembering OH SH8T IM THE WRITER OF THAT FIC WHOOPS and anywyas yeah somebody send help all my words are coming out like sludge Im smelling colours which is a normal thing for us actuallt cause we have synthesia or howevwr the fuck you spell it but you get my point

Im also liek being super honest and telling yall shit in hypwrspecific detail thinsg that I wouodnt nornally prolly tell yall and oh fuck there are flowers in the corner of my vision now what the hellllllllll and anyways just send me asks n shit HOW WAS THAT ONLY 5 MINUTES I THOUGH I WAS TYPING FOR THREE HOURS /SRS OH GODS FUCK

Im being pingponged really quickly atp but yeah send me asks and shit and Ill probably cringe at myself later but thats not a problem for me right noe lmaoooooo

[jamssim]

the ao3 authors curse is real ??? it's amusing to read other people's experiences with the curse (just to see such a bizarre phenomenon) but ma said my turn is over on the xbox bitches!!! please someone else take it omfg ive had ENOUGH !!!

instances of the ao3 curse in the past 6 months since i started writing again, in no particular order (warning for mentions of animal death, addiction and mental illness)

- lost my entire source of income bc an individual i reside with received a pay rise of less than $10 (the australian government can eat my fuckin ass you dog cunts!!!)

- one of my three baby chickens got snatched and eaten by a fucking hawk (i mean a hawk gotta eat but why my baby D:)

- family member had a stroke and recovered, but then another member had a stroke and an emergency limb amputation with the possibility of losing another one lol

- car broke down three times so far this year, my tyre literally exploded during one time (if she goes down again, im scrapping her and fuckin walking)

- antidepressants stopped working for five months, and was in and out of doctors + emergency psych appointments until last month w/ one of the worst depressive/suicidal episodes ive ever had in 14 years of MDD <3<3<3

- in connection, my antidepressants went from $7 to around $30 because the government said being broke and depressed isnt enough we gotta combine the two

- back in active addiction for two substances after accidental exposure during sobriety lmfao

- my poor lil rabbit has been seriously sick for the first time ever in her _six years_ because she worked out how to jump a metre in the air and ate a bunch of grapes like the gluttonous little void she is

BUT

in other news im two weeks away from finishing the first half of my third year and i cannot wait for like two weeks of no responsibilities,,,, just writing cod fanfic oh my god i miss my mutuals i miss scrolling through tumblr with no obligations,,, god moots just wait when im back yall will be GETTING IT (all my love and affection)

[clockworkslick]

oh. its 10/16. so short summary before i talk about nothing for a bit too long: a year ago i came up with the idea to actually go through with taking one of my silly ideas and turning it into something that other people could read, so i started drafting the concept of providence, a webcomic i make and thats updating everyday. more talking under the whatever.

so ive always made little stories that i would run through in my head for like two or three months when i had mental downtime, and then move on to some other goofy idea. this is either a totally normal thing or im a freak, honestly i have no frame of reference for how other people act. anyways i was home from college last year and i had this idea for an rpg fantasy story, initially an idea for playing modded minecraft with some friends (god i wish that was a joke), but i started writing shit down in a google doc. i wrote out a handful generic slots for various fantasy classes: witch, dryad, ranger, knight, vampire(not a class but i dont give a fuck), blacksmith, etc. and then i named some of them. i finished naming and writing out plot nonsense in november and changed the name of the comic from "Drive-By" to "Liberty" to "Providence."

honestly i think that was the easy part because its totally non-commital. unfortunately after that i had to actually start making the pages. the original plan was to finish act one before may, which was an optimistic goal to say the least, but also maybe if i didnt have to do anything else it would have been totally possible. or if i was just faster in general. anyways i started drawing everything at the end of december and then didnt stop for 6 months. actually thats a lie, i started drawing pages and havent stopped since then, but what i meant is that i started uploading the comic in may. i had a backlog of about 75 pages and the art change just in that time was nuts. comparing act 2 art to act 1 is more nuts but im not about to redraw the 170 pages of a1 just so that its APPEALING and PALLETEABLE. i learned way more about web design from doing this comic than from my actual web design class. like insanely more. you have no idea how little that class helped me with anything aside from making friends through mutual hatred of being poorly taught.

sixo de mayo (may 6th) came and i started doing this thing for real, and its been so surreal having people actually talk to me about these guys that have been in my head for months. my sister recently asked if deacon was my self-insert, which is sort of true but only in the sense that we both have social issues and like to be dumb on sort-of-purpose, and then she told me that her favorite character was reagan. theres not really any deep meaning behind her telling me or that reagan is my favorite too, but its just so surreal to me that people can have a favorite, or any opinion, on these characters i obsess over.

alright i think im done for now, i just wanted to talk about the comic on its sort of birthday, and also the day that the gang got pulled into the story. i mentioned that vaguely in the story once already, but im cool with being more direct about it. ill probably go on another rant again about this sometime, maybe on sixo de mayo, but probably sooner because im obsessive and like to type. happy birthday comic, heres to a million more. or however many years it takes to make a 5 act story at a rate of like 200 pages in 10 months. hopefully that number will go up.