#this was in the drafts

[submissiveness]

“yearning is when you want something really badly. like, so bad it hurts.”

[cinamun]

Stella | Next

Thanks to @avgsimmer for one of UBrite's finest professors of music.

[juniperpyre]

like ok james as orpheus and lily and eurydice

[whiskeytakestimetoheal]

I want your tongue on my clit

[faithdeans]

been thinking about this a lot lately and

1) i think it's imperative that alloromantics unlearn love hierarchy (aka, romantic love being the "highest" form of love and friendships being less significant)

2) alloromantics should fuck around with qprs more often. like it's an option for you guys too you know

idk man i think maybe people should get weirder with their relationships

[ghxstchronicals]

•☽────✧˖°˖ 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗴𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗼𝗴𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 ˖°˖✧────☾•

except I poorly explain it in my own words

⌞ harlexon ⌝

➜. they're poly, but Haru didn't come 'til later! that being said...

➜. Alex and Dilon are childhood friends, turned lovers ! but. omg. in highschool they were the worst. I'm so serious.

➜. they were borderline DATING already. they could kiss, cuddle, hold hands, and Alex would pop out with the "what are we?" and Dilon just wouldn't answer

➜. a rift was caused when Alex kissed Dilon with Derek's support (Dilon SMILED???? he enjoyed it) ... but then she started avoiding him so like. okay.

➜. he made it no better tho??? he got more and more upset and bitchy as time went on, and NO communication happened.

➜. then they had a sleepover and were forced to sleep together, and had a very awkward conversation ⤿ "... it's pretty hot right now, isn't it?" "it's below sixty degrees in here." "right... I meant-" "shut the fuck up."

➜. don't worry! they work it out, and come out the next day ACTUALLY together. they were basically insufferable for everybody, with obvious crushes on each other, but everytime someone asked, it was always "what? no, we're not together??" (or "we're not???")

➜. they are happily married tho !! have been for years now <33

➜. Haru and Dilon, as i've posted so you should know already, went from strangers, to kinda friends, to fuckbuddies

➜. they didn't exactly "get together" until Alex got back, so they had sort of a situationship going on.

➜. that said, Haru and Alex hated each other. on Haru's end, this is the girl who took the love of his life from him, and on Alex's end, this guy is really trying to compete with me for my husband. what the fuck

➜. ... long story short; they fucked and Haru casually inserted himself into their relationship (the poly was his idea)

⌞ josmora ⌝

➜. love at first sight. literally !!

➜. Shamora fell first, Josh fell harder. she saw him when passing through ballet classes to get to her boxing class (nonamericans, DONT look up if ballet/boxing classes are real in the state of California. you'll find out that Im lying)

➜. she saw a pretty girl (pre-josh transition) and went. woah.

⤿ Shamora was terribly a lesbian before Josh (post-transition)

➜. she's acting all weird now, so come lunch time, her friends piece it together that she has a crush (she used to be obvious like that)

➜. Josh didn't acknowledge Shamora's existence until one day she scared off a group of nobody-girls that were fucking with him, then she invited him over to sit with her and her friends

➜. they IMMEDIATELY hit it off, and they're the only couple here that acknowledges that they're dating before they're even dating

➜. before they get married, and after he came out, Shamora paid for his top surgery and all other needed things (no bot-surg), and he married her faster

➜. That One Couple that makes you sick. the couple with the couple goals!

⌞ dash ⌝

➜. now lookie here.

➜. they're like. worse than Dilon and Alex.

➜. except it's not even Ash's fault. Derek is just a WHORE

➜. i'd argue that they're worse than Alex and Dilon...but I digress.. On one hand, Ash had a crush on Derek for the longest... the only problem was that Derek was a HOPPER.

➜. like... first, it's his twin sister's bf, a girl at one point, some more guys... oh look at that, he married Joseph of all people.

➜. now, this is probably the first time Ash directly interfered with Derek's relationships. mostly because Joseph was...Joseph. abusive, manipulative, cunning -- not that Derek didn't hit his ass back, but still.

➜. Derek even had his baby - only to get it taken after the divorce because (via Joseph) he was too "mentally ill" to take care of the kid (Joseph didn't get the kid either so)

➜. Ash and Derek saw each other during Derek's three-year headache... and then they finally got together themselves. oh my god Ash ily (no I don't)

⌞ jerelucy ⌝

➜. mommy and daddy of the group (literally)

➜. ran(runs) a successful business, hence the wealthiness of the family, be it biological, married into or found

➜. however, we're not discussing how they got together, rather their "falling out".

➜. headcanon that Jeremy is a lightweight... a terrible holder of alcohol.

➜. because he and Lucy were happy, excruciatingly so. with three kids, and newly born twins !!

➜. until Jeremy was working late out one night. he can't remember much except for waking up with a headache, then proceeding to turn to wrap his arms around his- this was not his wife.

➜. sitting up frantically, he'd find that he wasn't even at the penthouse. he honestly doesn't think her threw up any faster than he did right then and there.

➜. of course Lucy found out about it, and of course she was rightfully pissed about it.

➜. this led to frequent arguments - their oldest son gone, and their oldest daughter out in college already, leaving their second-older son to take care of the twins while they became strangers in their own home

➜. Jeremy lost himself the moment Lucy tried to divorce him. he became an entirely different person--not the gentleman he once was-- it the good father he was before.

➜. he wasn't active in his kids' life much anymore. but he did grieve when Dilon committed suicide when he was only...nine?

➜. while still not as active, he refused to go through with the divorce. Lucy never took him to court for it either. why??

➜. she was hurt and heartbroken, but she still loved him as much as she hated him now, even if he was a stranger now

[archonofdivinity]

I was tagged by @yonderghostshistories to do this picrew and also put the last song I listened to!

tagging @crows-sorrows!!

[kvtnisseverdeen]

[edwardseymour]

seymour backshots

[girlrry]

hyper realistic wax figure of harry’s cock n balls when?

[dirtylittlediesel]

tangerine oral fixation

[go-to-the-mirror]

when i have 5 dollars all of you fuckers are going to be sorry

[rouxnen]

Do care. Did ask. In my pajamas. Snuggled up to you. We're watching video essays. Life is good.

[malt-rants-and-stuff]

[walks up to microphone] hey mutuals, tell me what you think about me challenge starting now- [micraphone feedback cuts in]

[noises of struggle can be heard. many crashes and bangs occur, followed by silence and then heavy footsteps begin to approach.]

haha sorry about that everyone! Not sure who that guy was but he was just saying the craziest things. Ignore whatever grey said just then :)

[system-startup]

Thank you to everyone that informed me that the fluctuation of my brain function is obvious. I remain shaking off the terror that I won't be able to communicate who I am and what I know well enough, especially to people who have never gotten to see me access Me, but the commentary provides a basis for me to have begun making monumental progress on that front.

I realised for the first time—I wanted to say last night but let's say recently—that my brain had/has the information (non-visual) equivalent of photographic memory. I also realised recently that my nervous system breakdown actually began reaching a head as young as 9, or 10. I remembered this always; I loved to climb, and parkour, and I never had the chance to get fancy with it between people preventing me, punishing me, and then my disabilities. I've always cared about my appearance and if I had it my way I would always be extremely well dressed, though don't mistake me for someone who believes that everybody should be, or that there's only one way to be well dressed—I'm no fool.

Subsequently the loss of access to my brain function, and then my body, and then my capacity to present myself how I want in spite of that, being forced to look pathetic, to not phrase things nearly as well as I've been carefully shaping them in my head for well over a decade, hurts.

I've been on a long, painful journey to mitigate damage, repair it, and grow too. And it's exhausting, and everything has been taken from me but still I get up, still I crawl forward, still my life improves...

I re-define and re-create and re-define myself again to live; in search of the man the suffering sought to burry, to be able to see the man that refused to die myself.

And in the mirror I find him, but still don't fully understand him.

I only know that the light behind his eyes continues to be a lot of work to keep alight. And it's wretched work, so I persist by not doing it for me.

It's all I can do to hope that this great difficulty is seen.

For all the times they (whomever is relevant; dozens directly at least none of whom I could name) programmed me to hide my light, things like viciously punishing me for being brilliant or properly attentive or fast or strong or able to jump at all when such a thing could only be accessed once a month, not allowing me to be ill the rest of it because they didn't understand. Yelling, startling, criticising immediately and interrupting whenever I was too slow at learning anything, like cutting meat and vegetables for the first time until I fumble in panic every time, so I could never learn, and, embarrassed, had to learn "basic skills" at an age I'd often be ridiculed and hassled for not knowing yet, despite never being afforded the chance.

Program: Never show them; it's not worth torture. Don't say or do anything where you can be seen. Hide what you don't know. Don't ask for lessons, not directly. Figure it out, somehow, some way. We can't afford the sanity cost; they won't teach us anyway, they either don't know or aren't kind or patient enough or can't phrase it in a way that we can understand.

It's painful, this fluctuation, for so many reasons. I can share this program only because I'm at the tail end of ripping it out of my system. It'll seem profound still, but that's only because you can't see how far I've come.

I didn't used to speak at all.

To anyone.

About anything.

But by taking the time to see me, to understand me, to not hurt me but to ask questions instead, to give me the room to elaborate instead of spiraling and taking it out on me; you offer me the door to exiting this one, this spiral, that I fell in to far too young.

Thank you again for your honesty, even when it hurts. It's all I've ever wanted.

And, I learn what I do, take the time to learn to speak it, to be able to share it, because I know though the severity of what I've been through is highly unusual, I am far from alone.

And I'll be damned if I've come this far and not contribute my hand to seeing the day that nobody has to suffer like I did again.

But the first step of that, for me, despite my wishes, remains learning to take care of myself, be kind to myself.

And your awareness, and your honesty, and your wisdom, and your intelligence, and what you've learned, and the art you make, and the voice you speak with, and the perspective you hold, the ideas you've found and built, all of it helps me persist, is how I can find a way to survive despite everything.

You give me the motivation and the tools to be alive. You give me hope that I'll be alright. And, I don't feel very alive right now, but I know in a year I'll be a new man.

And I will make You proud.

*You = my friends, kind honest strangers, the strangers I have taught and will teach and continue to learn from, the Earth Herself, the human collective.