#im so fucking mad this has ruined my entire day D:

[a-dotrivenitupontop]

a grimpop shipper fucking reblogged one of my mq posts literally fuck the entire fucking world

[cherryy-slushy]

I AM DAMAGED

Im currently watching Brooklyn nine-nine while writing this :D

Part 2!

Part 1 -> I am damaged (Part 1)

(If anyone knows who the artist is for the art below please lmk xo)

*first person pov*

I became friends with Carrie and Jamie today, they were super nice and insisted I sat with them every day.

Even though I made new friends I can’t shake the feeling of betrayal, JD just pretty much replaced me? We’ve been friends for years and one girl comes along and ruins it.

Diary, why does high school suck?

I’ll give updates soon,

Y/N

I hear a knock on my bedroom door and shove my diary under my pillow. “Come in!”

My dad walks in with a cup of (Y/F/D) for me. “Thanks”, I smile as he hands it to me.

“I was really expecting JD to come over today”, My dad frowned.

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I may have been replaced, he’d be devastated.

“Yeah, he had more homework than me for today so he had to get that done”, I said, it was clearly a lie. I was just hoping the school didn’t tell my dad we were in pretty much all the same classes.

“Ah, that makes sense. I’m heading out to get groceries, need anything?”, he asked.

I thought for a minute. “Y/F/F, please?”

“Sure kiddo, see you when I come back”, he smiled.

“Thanks, love you!”, I yelled as he walked down the hall.

“Love you too!”, he shouted back.

I laid on my back and stared up at the ceiling silently. This shit sucks.

*Next day*

I walked to school, I didn’t want to have to talk to JD today. He’s doing my head in and I know I’d say something I regret.

“Y/N!!! C’MERE!”, I saw Carrie down the hall yelling to me.

I ran down to her and smiled.

“Hey!! Wassup?”, I asked.

“WE HAVE THE FIRST CLASS TOGETHER!”, she said jumping around happily.

“Oh my god! YAY!”, I said excitedly, I joined in with her jumping around.

“C’mon!”, she grabbed my hand and yanked me down the hall.

“WAIT CARRIE MY LOCKER”, I whisper shouted at her, laughing.

“OH SHIT, YEAH”, she whisper shouted back.

We ran towards my locker, and guess who I fucking bumped into. Yep, you guessed it, JD.

“Hey, watch where your going”, he laughed. Then he looked down at me.

“Oh, Y/N, hey where were you this morning? I stopped by your house to bring you to school”, he asked.

“Mhm Yeah I’m gonna walk now”, I replied in a dead-pan tone.

“What?”, he asked, he looked really puzzled.

“Mhm”, I replied.

Carrie chirped in, “OO! You should come to school with me and Jamie! It’s so funny and it’ll be more fun with you!”, she jumped.

“Yeah thatd be amazing!” I smiled, turning back to JD with a cold look and walking off.

JD was clearly confused. Which made me even angrier.

I went to my locker and glanced over at him and saw him smiling and laughing with Veronica.

I tried ignore it and went back to talking to Carrie.

*lunch*

Carrie and I walked into the cafeteria and went on a hunt for Jamie. He didn’t come in until second class, he had a dentist appointment or some shit like that.

We found him and sat down. They entire lunch I couldn’t stop glancing at JD. The first few minutes of lunch I could see him looking at me. He seemed confused. And then he saw Jamie, and seemed mad.

He was about to get up, a assume to come over, but Veronica went over and they both sat back down.

God this is a pain in the ass.

“Yo, Y/N, you okay?”, Jamie asked. “You keep spacing out”

“Yeah I’m fine, just tired”, I replied, smiling lightly.

“Guys, I have French next class so I’m gonna go home and pretend I’m sick. I have a test I didn’t study for”, Carrie explained, standing up.

“Okay Carr, see ya”, Jamie said.

“Bye, Carr”, I smiled.

Carrie walked away and I turned to Jamie.

“Does she do that a lot?”

“Skip? Yeah, mainly if she has a test she didn’t study for”, he laughed.

“She’s such a mood”, I laughed back.

We laughed and joked for the rest of lunch. The entire time I felt eyes burning into the back of my head.

*Ring*

The school bell rang.

“What subject ya have next?”, Jamie asked.

“German, you?”

“Art”, he said.

He jokingly blew a raspberry as me and ran off to art class. I laughed at i watched him skipping down the halls like an idiot.

He’s kinda cute.

I went off to German and sat down in the back.

Oh fuck no.

J.D. walked into my class. We made direct eye contact and I broke it immediately.

He walked over and sat down next to me.

“Have you been ignoring me?”, he asked.

“No.”

“Then why did you randomly just say you want to start walking and then agree to getting a lift with someone else?”

“Because they’re my friends and I like them”, I said coldly.

“I’m your friend. Hell, I’m your best friend! I’m the only guy you spoke to in the past 17 years of your life!”, he snarled.

“Hm, I thought Veronica was your new best friend”, I mumbled.

“What? This is all about Veronica? Are you serious?”, his tone got angrier and angrier as he went on.

“Yes! Why the fuck would you ask me to hang out and then right after you ignored me and cancelled our plans for another girl?”, I started to feel more rage bubbling inside me.

“I only did that cause of your little moment with Jamie”, he whisper shouted.

“And then Veronica proceeded to glare at me any moment she possibly could”, I continued on, ignoring his last sentence.

“You like Jamie, don’t you”, he stopped and stared at me.

“Well he surely treats me better than you”, I muttered.

Why does he look so pissed? No, not pissed, maniac?

I slightly heard him mumble something under his breathe, I couldn’t hear the full sentence though, because he got up and walked out of the class.

*Third person pov*

“Oh, you’re gonna live the day to regret saying that darling”, JD mumbled. Y/N only heard yo to the word “live”. JDs eyes were glowing with a sense of anger and a psychotic look on his face.

Good luck, Y/N

[etherealskeletons]

i have no idea what my cousin sees in peter hes such a fucking asshole all the time theres not a single day that goes by where he istn a fucking dick. hes extremely terrible to my dad and he gets nasty and catty with me and my cousin is like “well idk whats wrong with him lol” and white knights him so HARD. shes always giving excuses and theyre so flimsy, its always “your dad reminds him of his oldest son, and peter gets cranky/stressed out when hes near his kids or ex wife, he has a lot of trauma yknow:((” like??? that doesnt make it okay to be super nasty to everyone else. im full of fucking trauma but im not putting everyone else down and being an energy vampire. i cant imagine being so fucking toxic to literally everyone around me bc i cant get over that my ex wife was abusive to me, i cant imagine essentially becoming my ex wife and terrorizing everyone else the same way i was. but this man does, he does it almost all the fucking time. hes even terrible to his CURRENT WIFE, MY COUSIN. like??? wha t the fuck do you see in himm???? girl im gonna throw you down the stairs i hate this!!!!! i hate how stupid youre getting i hate that you allow yourself to be treated like this what happenED!!!!!! i hate how he treats everyone and how she lets him get away with it, i hate living here its so tense all the fucking time hes always so angry and upset

i hate my uncle i had to go to the house today, hes finally losing my childhood home. hes getting kicked out and the house its going to be renovated for someone else. its hard bc on one hand im glad its gonna get a makeover and will be in better hands bc currently it looks like a crack house bc my uncle is a shitty person who hangs out with skeevy people. going there was so fucking hard it just looks like shit i hate it i hated going there i hated seeing the house get WORSE.. i thought about taking pictures of the place but whats the point i dont wanna remember the hosue looking like this i dont wanna remember it like this at all it looks so awful i jus stood there and i couldnt stop shaking it was so intense being there. we ended up leaving early bc it was too much for both me and my dad but peter had a huge fuckign meltdown over it and HE WASNT EVEN THERE?? he cussed him out over facebook and demanded we go back bc you cant abandon family even though my cousin literally didnt ASK US to help or anything and she felt the exact same way we did??? she aws gonna dip super early after getting some plates like we did he really made a big deal out of fucking nothing it was so stupid??? we ewnt back and i GUESS its good that we did and that she also stuck around bc there was a few good things that came out of it. i have some of my grandmothers jewelry that she never wore, her old kitchenaid, and i found my grandfathers wedding ring (finding that and his glasses made me cry ouffh) but go d i cant go back to that house i just cant its too fucking much its terrible i hate it i hate it i dont care if peter gets mad and tells me how terrible i am i just cant handle it

i hate that my uncle screws ebveryone over i hate hearing from one of the roommates that hes gonna be living in his car bc my uncle screwed him out of his money for his methhead on again off again girlfriend, i hate that my uncle always plays victim and shoves blame on everyone else and bleeds everything dry and ruins everything. he does this all the time i ahte it i hate him i hate that hes been doing this for my entire life, possibly longer, and always gets away with it. he l;ooks awful too i just know hes using i know it and i feel sorry for him but god he caused so much pain and upset in this family i cant help but feel so much anger. (but i tried being an ‘”adult’’” i was being civil and nice. being around peter made me realize i cant BE like that i cant hold grudges and lash out bc someone reminds me of my fucking mom or my ex girlfriend. NOT LIKE I EVER DID BUT LIKE.... just being around that made me realize i cant keep holding onto everything, i HAVE to move on and let go. its over its so fucking over dude you cant keep living likethat its so unhealthy and it literally makes everyone miserable)

but i still hate this fucking.. white trash ass red wing fucking family, i hate them i hate them i hate them i hate that i feel stuck i hate that i spend most of my days rotting and nights crying because everything is too overstimulating and too much

[freebooter4ever]

how did you get into art? or is it just something youve always done? youre so good and it makes me want to try drawing again (even tho i am not good (which im not mad at, we all have our strengths!))

Thank you!!! I dont think im any good either, i look at my old art and i cringe and then i wonder how much i will hate my current art one day. I think, finally, in my *thirties* im starting to accept that this feeling will never go away and i cant let it shame me out of drawing. (also pls dont let my feelings about it stop anyone from reblogging or liking my old art on here! I really enjoy that as painful as it is. Someone liked one of my steve aoki sketches from like 2018 the other day and i got sO EXCTIted like omg that drawing is terrible but also someone liked my steve aoki art! (a rarity)). If you look through my wip tag: freebooter4ever.tumblr.com/tagged/wip there should be lots of process stuff and then one post where i talk about the old art i have on here. Im determined to keep everything up no matter how much i hate it bc i know how much it means to me to see more experienced artists' old works. It made the leap from scribbles to 'oh that actually looks like what i was trying for' seem less impossible.

Anyway if you want to see the OLDEST art on here go into the archive and my very first post is a sketch of batman :P

My dad -bless his soul- has only ever kept one drawing of mine: a drawing contest entry from when i was like 4 yrs old. It was of Putt-Putt (from Putt Putt's Parade) and i won, lol. This was back when art was 'aw so cute' and not 'you're fucking ruining your engineering career'. My dad also kept putting me in art classes so he really only has himself to blame for how things turned out. for art internet stuff? I was really REALLY into neop*ets - I idolized artists like Quest, Sithel, IndigoKitten, all those old comics artists in The Aisha Pack. I was also obsessed with the Legend of Zelda drawing style - it was kind of a combo of d*sney and anime - big eyes and crazy flowing hair but with that 3D illusion of life. Aaaaand then there was Arc*hie Comics. I did more fanart of those characters than anything else back then. And lastly D*sney of course. I desperately wanted to be walt for years until i grew up enough to realize that one man didnt draw an entire 2hr full length feature. I was crushed by this revelation, naturally.

And I know most artists are like ‘yeah i was a horse girl when i was in middle school’. But that wasn't me. I was obsessed with fir trees instead. just constant drawings of fir trees. I was really proud when i leveled up and learned how to draw fir trees in SNOW, this was the highlight of my middle school drawing career. I dunno, i was a weird kid. Growing up in the pacific northwest it was either fir trees or salmon i guess.

[hxseok-honee]

atlas heart || part 28

a/n : aha,,, ahaha,,,,, listen, i know this is a jimin au okay I KNOW -- but this chapter belongs to jung hoseok and thats that im sorry

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_______________________________

When Y/n finds Jimin down by the lake, she feels that every fiber of her being wants her to turn back, wants her to run and hide under her blankets -- as if she’s the one that needs protecting from him. He doesn’t see her until she’s a few feet away, approaching him from the shoreline. The smile he gives her when he turns is kind but reserved, like he’s preoccupied. She lets out an awkward laugh.

“Why did you want to meet down here in the middle of the night? Way to be weird, Jimin.” He rolls his eyes playfully, nudging her with his elbow before gesturing back toward the ground not far away, covered in grass instead of the sand here by the water. Y/n follows him there, taking a seat next to him with question marks in her eyes when he doesn’t answer her. He snickers at her confusion.

“You’re really stuck on this, huh? Maybe I just wanted to look at the stars with you.” Her features scrunch up cutely as she reacts to his admittedly cheesy one-liner, and he feels the tips of his ears go red. “Okay, I swear that sounded better in my head.” She grins before turning away, looking up at the sky in contemplation. Jimin thinks that maybe, in other circumstances, they really would have been able to sit here together in peaceful silence and watched the stars all night long. He hates that he has to ruin it.

“I actually… I have to talk to you.” She doesn’t pull her gaze from the sky, but he does notice that her expression has clouded over with something he can’t place. It looks a lot like resignation. Swallowing once and trying to shake out his nervous limbs as subtly as possible, he takes a single deep breath before turning his upper body to face her. She still won’t look at him.

“I know you’re probably going to hate my guts after this, and I completely deserve that because I’m selfish and stupid, and I’m too nosy for my own good, and I never should have pushed so much, but I--”

“I know.”

“Yeah, I know you know that I’m an idiot, and that I’m annoying, and that I ask too many questi--”

“Jimin, I know.” He stops then, and the look of pure confusion he gives her breaks her heart. She has no idea that the pained expression she’s giving him is breaking his. She can’t even keep her eyes on him when she continues. “I know that you know.”

Jimin jaw drops, and he gets the idea that he looks a bit like a dying fish, closing and opening his mouth as he tries to figure out how to continue. He hadn’t planned for this turn of events when he’d practiced the conversation in his head.

“You -- but how? Was I too obvious?” He sits up straight, terrified that his suspicious behavior had already gotten her into more danger. “Did I do something that risked your secret? What was it? Tell me so I can make sure never to do it again--” Y/n’s eyes shut as she sighs, and she quiets him with a shake of her head.

“Dumbledore told me, the day after you’d gone to see him. He wanted to warn me.” Jimin stares at the side of her head, processing that she’d known almost two weeks that he’d figured everything out, but she hadn’t confronted him about it. “I haven’t told the boys yet, but I’ve been freaking out about it. I wanted to talk to you right away, but… I decided to wait until you were ready to talk about it…” Her eyes flick to him, but at the sight of his gaze fixed completely on her, his attention fully hers, she looks away. “I was scared that you hated me. Even when you kept reaching out and talking to me, I felt like… maybe you hadn’t realized exactly what I am or what that means. I was waiting for you to leave me. Or expose me. I don’t know. I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

“I would never do that to you.” It falls out his mouth, feeling oddly like a confession when he says it without thinking and is immediately embarrassed. He clears his throat when she looks up at him with wide eyes, scratching awkwardly at his collarbone. “I needed time to process… not that you’re a werewolf, but that I had been such a fucking idiot the entire time. I should have listened to your friends and just let you be. I was nosy and selfish and objectively really annoying, and I hadn’t even realized that they were just trying to keep you safe by pushing me away. I’m really sorry, Y/n… for endangering you like that.”

He won’t look at her -- he can’t. But when a cold hand closes around his own, squeezing gently, he at least is able to look in her direction. She squeezes again, and, with as much courage as he’s ever had to gather at once, he lifts his eyes to meet her. She looks to be on the edge of tears, but she’s smiling at him, and it confuses him to no end.

“You’re not… mad? Because I completely understand if you are--”

“I’m not mad, Jimin. I’m kind of relieved that you know now, even if I am probably going to always be scared that one day you’ll wake up and realize that I’m a monster and run for your life.” He breathes out a laugh, knowing that she’s not joking. He just can’t imagine a version of himself, now or ever, that would look at her and see anything but the girl he’d been desperate to befriend all this time.

“I’m not going anywhere, Y/n. I want to help you, if that’s okay. I want to do anything I can to help keep you safe.” It’s then that she pulls away from him, her expression turning apprehensive. Jimin takes one look at her and assumes it must be about her friends. “I know that Hoseok and Jungkook don’t like me, but I can talk to them if you want me to! I can explain myself and make sure they know that I’m just trying to help--” She shakes her head suddenly, cutting him off with a wave of her hands. She can already tell how her conversation with them later tonight will go, dreading having to ask them to meet so she can break the news.

“No, it’s not them… I’ll handle the boys -- it’s probably better that you aren’t there when they lose their minds, so I’ll talk to them. It’s just… things are more complicated than you think. It’s not really as simple as helping me… there are things you still don’t know, and it’s not my place to tell you…” Jimin thinks back to the way Dumbledore had called the situation ‘infinitely more complicated’ than he knew, and the way Y/n’s talking right now has him going out on a limb.

“Is this… about Remus Lupin?” Y/n meets his eyes with alarm, her breath catching audibly in her throat, and Jimin knows he’s right. “He’s… like you, right? His friends are involved, too.” She gapes at him, unsure how to respond.

“How…” He looks away, rubbing at his neck uncomfortably.

“Well, the night I figured things out -- it was a few days before the full moon, so your symptoms were a little more apparent at the time. I saw him in the Great Hall the next day, and he was looking just like you… and his friends, they act a lot like Jungkook and Hoseok sometimes… it wasn’t hard to put it together.” Y/n sits there in silence, not certain if Jimin is just really observant and was hyper-aware of everything because he’d just realized such a monumental secret, or if she needs to talk to the Marauders and her own friends about being less conspicuous. Probably both. She barely hears Jimin when he starts talking again.

“Is… that what’s keeping you from letting me help? I swear I won’t say anything -- I’ll even pretend I don’t know about him. I’ll do anything.” She watches him as he starts to devolve into what’s probably the third rant in the last half hour alone, and she knows he’s desperate to prove himself to her. He doesn’t need to -- he’d made his innocence and kindness clear to her long before he’d had any idea of her affliction. It’s everything about him, really, that’s causing her so much pain. She’s scared for him.

“Jimin… are you sure this is what you want? We’re in the middle of a war… and you’re a muggleborn. If anyone were to find me out, and they link us… I don’t know what would happen to you. Everything’s so delicate and dangerous, I don’t know if I can put you in that kind of danger.” This time it’s Jimin that reaches out for her, slipping his fingers through her own and linking their hands once he has her in his hold. He looks entirely level-headed when he looks her in the eye and responds.

“I’m with you, Y/n. I’m with you.”

--

Y/n stares up at the entrance to Slytherin common room, a deep frown set into her features. She’d made what she’d believed to be the right choice by not having Jungkook and Hoseok in the same room when she told them about Jimin -- they have a habit of enabling each other’s worst characteristics, and the last thing she wants to deal with is two enraged boys in the middle of the night. But now that she’s here, having just left a furious Jungkook in the room of requirement, she’s not looking forward to having this conversation again.

Jungkook had been surprisingly calm when she’d broken to him that Jimin had discovered her secret, but if there’s only one thing in the world that Y/n can say with complete confidence, it’s that she knows Jeon Jungkook. The look of complete ease that he’d given her had terrified her far beyond any explosion of anger. She almost prefers that he had reacted. It had taken her the better half of an hour to calm him down, only feeling comfortable texting Hoseok that she was on her way to him when she’d seen an emotion cross Jungkook’s eyes other than blank detachment. Even then, it was only annoyance at the fact that she refused to let him “talk” to Jimin on his own.

Now, it’s almost 3am, and Y/n’s only brushing away her tragic attempt at reasoning with Jungkook when the door to the Slytherin common room slides open, revealing a sleepy-eyed, bedhead-ridden Hoseok. He’s only half-dressed, clearly unable to be bothered to care about his appearance this late at night. He scratches at his bare collarbone with one finger while he squints at her, his blatant concern hidden slightly by how disgruntled he looks.

“Do you have any idea what time it is? Why would you do this to me?” Y/n snorts, knowing from experience how objectively rude Hoseok can be in the first few minutes of being awake. She hopes he stays bogged down by his sleep-deprived mind long enough that he doesn’t completely lose it when she talks to him. She glances past him into the common room before responding.

“Is there somewhere we can talk in private? I have something to tell you.” Immediately, the sleep is gone from Hoseok’s eyes, and Y/n mourns the hope that he wouldn’t be clear-minded during their conversation. He nods once, pointing over his shoulder.

“My room’s fine.”

“Isn’t Yoongi there?” Hoseok shakes his head, a slight smile gracing his features while he explains.

“He got a call from Kim Seokjin not that long ago -- something about a late-night snack run and how eating alone is ‘a lonely habit’.” He shrugs, and Y/n guesses that Yoongi must get dragged out against his will by Kim Seokjin quite often if Hoseok is unbothered by it. Hoseok points again in the direction of his bedroom, and Y/n only follows with a nod.

By the time they return to his room, Hoseok’s awake enough to be self-conscious, so he’s searching for a shirt immediately, gesturing for Y/n to close the door behind her. Then he flops down onto his bed, crossing his legs and patting the spot at the end of his mattress for her. When she decides to remain standing, running her fingers along the edge of his bedpost awkwardly, Hoseok squints, suspicious.

“What happened?” Y/n closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, looking Hoseok head-on and ripping the metaphorical band-aid off.

“Jimin knows about me. He just told me. Before you say anything, we talked about it, and--”

“That little shit--” Hoseok’s standing from his bed, fists balled up in rage as he heaves out an enraged breath. “When I get my hands on that nosy, obnoxious fucking twerp--”

“Hoseok, wait! Wait.” Y/n holds her hands out in front of her, planting them on his chest while she stares up at him with wide eyes. “It’s okay! It’s fine, we talked! He’s not going to say anything to anyone, even about the stuff with Remus--” She’ll admit that saying that last part probably wasn’t her best idea, considering how Hoseok reacts, blind with fury.

“What do you mean? What does that mean?!” He’s growing louder now, and Y/n knows she has to calm him down before he wakes the entirety of Slytherin house. Taking his face in her hands, she tries to force him to focus solely on her, but it only results in Hoseok gripping at her wrists, desperation clear in the way his hold is shaking. He’s looking at her with wild eyes, demanding an explanation for something so wholly unacceptable, but Y/n can’t give that to him while he’s like this.

“Hoseok, I need you to breathe, okay? I’m okay. I will be okay. But I need you to lower your voice and breathe. Don’t think about anything else.” This display -- a total loss of control -- is what she’d expected from Jungkook, but the boy who’d been beside her their entire lives must have known better than to show his ruthless side and risk upsetting her. In this moment, Hoseok, who’s always so keen on hiding himself behind a mask, is seeing red the way he never has before, and that’s what scares Y/n most.

“Eyes on me, Hobi, hm? Look at me -- I’m right here, and I’m okay. Look at me. See? I’m perfectly fine. Nothing’s gonna happen to me, I promise.” She’d somehow managed to bring him down from his erratic high, keeping his face close until she could see in his eyes that he’s looking only at her. His breath is ragged, and if she thinks she’s caught the slightest tremble of his bottom lip when he opens his mouth, he’s hiding it well. But what he whispers to her breaks her heart clean in half.

“You can’t promise me that. The more people that know about you, the harder it is for me to trick myself into believing you.” Taking a breath to stop herself from tearing up, she releases him slowly, stepping back when he only moves to sit back down on the edge of his bed.

“Hobi… you can’t do anything to Jimin, okay? You can’t confront him or do anything rash. I mean it.” It takes a few moments, but finally Hoseok is lifting his eyes to meet hers. He nods, and Y/n knows that’s all she’ll be able to get out of him. She wishes it was enough, that weak agreement, but if there’s one other thing in the world she can say with complete confidence, it’s that she doesn’t know Hoseok quite as well as she knows Jungkook.

--

Jimin’s on his way to class the next morning, lost in his thoughts about Y/n -- he can’t seem to focus on anything else these days -- when he’s unceremoniously dragged by the back of his robes into an empty classroom and shoved against the nearest wall. Hissing at the pain, he barely has time to slump over and catch his breath before he’s being pinned back against the cold stone by a pair of very determined hands.

He stills completely when he finally lifts his gaze and meets the eyes of Jung Hoseok. The Slytherin is visibly furious, his glare almost manic as he pushes Jimin’s shoulders back into the wall. He only lets up when an involuntary cry of pain escapes Jimin, but he never lets the boy go.

“Now, you’re going to listen to what I have to say, and you’re going to listen closely. Yeah?” Jimin isn’t sure it’s a question that needs answering, considering that he’s literally trapped, but the increased pressure of Hoseok’s knuckles on his chest has him nodding frantically. Hoseok doesn’t release him when he leans down into his face.

“For some ungodly reason, Y/n has decided that you can be trusted, and I’m sure you loved that she said she’d talk to us so you wouldn’t have to do it yourself, huh? But I think that you deserve to have the whole picture, Park -- look at me when I’m talking to you.” Jimin had shut his eyes simply from the proximity of Hoseok’s hateful glare, unable to handle it, but when the older boy shakes him roughly, he opens his eyes so wide that he’s terrified to even blink.

“This game you’re playing? Using your obvious little crush on Y/n as an excuse to pry into her business and put her in danger just because you like sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong? It needs to stop. Because you don’t know all the rules, Jimin. And you don’t get any do-overs.” Jimin can feel the grip on his shirt starting to tremble, and at first he thinks maybe Hoseok’s so enraged that he’s actually shaking, but the glint in his eye tells Jimin differently. It tells him that Hoseok is scared -- he’s terrified. The uncertainty of Jimin’s existence in Y/n’s life -- not knowing if this is going to end badly for them -- it’s scaring him, and Jimin gets the feeling that Hoseok’s someone who deals with fear by being angry. Taking a very big risk, he whispers out to the 7th year.

“I swear, I just want to hel--agh!” Squeezing his eyes shut when Hoseok lifts him away from the wall and promptly slams him back into it, he doesn’t finish his plea. He can feel Hoseok’s breath fanning angrily over his face, and he swears a low growl rumbles from deep within the Slytherin’s chest when he responds.

“Shut up! You don’t know what that even means. You don’t know how to help. All you’ve done is screw things up for us, so let me welcome you into our little group with a warning.” A hand clamps the sides of Jimin’s jaw, lifting his face and squeezing hard until Jimin opens his eyes to look at Hoseok.

“You get one chance, so if you even come close to screwing that up, Y/n is the last thing you’ll have to worry about. Clear?” Jimin nods again, the hand on his face making that incredibly difficult. Finally, Hoseok releases him and steps back, watching with unmasked annoyance as Jimin fixes his clothes and rubs at all the spots he’s sure will be bruised by morning. They stare at each other, Hoseok eventually rolling his eyes with a sigh.

“Y/n told me you want to help. She asked me to mentor you in potion-making. I only agreed to it because she’s very stubborn when she wants to be, and someone needs to take over her doses. I won’t go easy on you, so you better be ready for a summer of hell. I need to know she’ll be safe with you once I’m gone, and frankly, I don’t even trust you to boil a pot of fucking water, much less a dangerous, highly sensitive potion.” Jimin swallows hard but doesn’t comment on the blatant insult, only processing that Jung Hoseok has agreed to train him.

Hoseok’s eyes flicker to the door, and Jimin takes that as his cue that the conversation -- if that’s what this was -- is finished, so he wanders out of the room in a slight daze, Hoseok following closely. As if the universe is telling him that this moment can, in fact, get much worse, Jimin meets the eyes of one Jeon Jungkook as the Gryffindor happens to be passing on the way to class. Where Hoseok’s glare was unbridled fire and rage, Jungkook’s gaze is turning to pure ice, and Jimin can’t decide which is worse. Jungkook doesn’t even acknowledge him as he passes, breaking eye contact and going on his way as if Jimin doesn’t even exist. Hoseok chuckles darkly behind him.

“I almost feel bad for you, Jimin. If you think you have it bad with me, you’re in for a real treat with Jungkook.”

[hiraethhh-h]

throwing a weighted blanket at the om! bros + undateables (and a bonus)

warning(s): some swearing, threats of torture, implied nsfw, spoilers. 

note: no supernatural beings or humans were hurt in the making of this- also this was inspired bc my mom bought a weighted blanket and its heavy af 

the demon brothers

lucifer:

“MCCCCCC..!!!”

i- chile do you have a death wish???

momentary shock at how cute your laughter sounds (but he would never say it out loud unless you two were alone)

prepare to be chased and in demon form once he gets himself together

this man can ZOOM (i mean he does chase after mammon)

when you get caught, oH boY 

you’ll be lectured for hours on end 

“what made you think that was a good idea, mc?”

“and delete that recording of me. immediately.”

don’t worry levi is sure to save a secret file :)

anyone you were in cahoots with will be lectured and punished too

but your punishment ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

mammon:

“ADKSDHFKSJHFGKSJFH- HeY!!!”

is completely caught off-guard

crooked glasses and messy hair once he removes the blanket off of him

“why’d ya do that mc!!!”

if you tease mammon about being unable to handle the weight of the blanket-

*mammon rant activated*

“the great mammon can totally handle weight!!! i used to lift more than beel ya know!!!”

“hey! quit laughing at me mc!!!”

gets all flustered when you admit you were just teasing him to see his cute reaction

awe bby boy

probably forgives you if you promise to spend quality time with him for a few days

dont be surprised if he holds a grudge tho 

prepare to smother him with snuggles and cuddles to make him forgive you :)))

leviathan:

oh boy, you’d best be ready to deal with the consequences if you throw a weighted blanket onto him

especially if he’s doing a game run-through or grinding through a game 

“okay... just a little more and- ACK!”

like mammon, totally caught off guard since he was so focused on his game

*game over flashes on his screen*

“NOoOOo!!! My ScoRE!!!”

oh shit...

chile- you best hope you can run from levi 

pissed off at you like that one time during the TSL tournament

one of the other demon bros has to interfere and stop levi

“that stupid normie made me mess up my perfect score!!!”

mad at you for a few days 

and he will hold a grudge

but decides to forgive you if you stay with him as he plays through the game again

“i only forgave you because you’re the only one who’d love a yucky otaku like me...”

“and because you’re my henry.”

satan:

ok now you really have a death wish but i would probably do it too tbh 

ah... nothing but a normal day for satan

a cup of his favorite piping hot tea, a book, and the fire place next to him...

nothing could be better :)

until...

“what the fuck-”

tea spilled all over him and his book with the weight of the blanket = enraged satan

prepare to feel his WRatH

“so you thought this would be a great idea..?” 

turns into his demon form

threatens to try all kinds of torture methods on you and whoever was in cahoots with you for ruining his reading time >:(

satan will probably apologize to you for that and maybe to the other person depending on who it was

after that

satan will come back with his own little pranks for weeks on end

and when he finds out that you kept a recording of the little incident

:)

he’ll keep his pranks up until you finally yield

“alright. i’ll forgive you just this once, and you owe me a new copy of that book.”

“you also better delete that video if you know what’s good for you, mc.”

asmodeus:

“mc, no my hair and makeup!!!”

practically yeets the blanket off of him to protect himself

i would probably be surprised someone could yeet a heavy ass blanket off themselves but asmo is a demon so he has inhumane strength

*asmo pissed off 3000*

“mc! if you messed up a single hair on my head or ruined my makeup

*dark chuckle*

“i would’ve made sure i ruined you in more ways than one”

hHhhhH- be my guest asmo 

“oh well, i guess i’ll forgive you just this once.”

yay! forgiveness never felt so good-

“if you promise to spend quality time with just me~.”

he will literally take you out shopping the whole entire day

dresses you up in god knows how many outfits

but at the end of the day, when you both return back to the house of lamentation, he’ll take very very good care of you~

tries to bathe with you but lucifer catches wind of it :(

sore feet? asmo to the rescue!

“ne, you will delete that video right?”

beelzebub:

tbh the blanket would just feel like a normal blanket to thicc man :)

it also probably falls to the ground awkwardly

 *looks at the blanket then to mc*

“i think you dropped this”

*picks it up like it weighs nothing and hands it back then continues to eat whatever he was munching on*

whoever you’re in cahoots with either expected that to happen or is in shock with you lmao

while you’re reviewing the footage you can see beel’s muscles flex as he picks up the blanket :))))

later, beel will probably confront you about what happened 

“oh... that was supposed to be a prank..?”

seeing how kinda bummed you looked made beel kinda sad since your prank didn’t go as planned :(

what better than to make it up to you with food! :D

brings you all sorts of snacks and takes you to hell’s kitchen to make you feel better

“next time you prank me, i’ll definitely be caught off guard.”

belphegor:

is napping when you decide to try your sneak attack

as we all know, he kinda sleeps like a brick around mc so he’ll probably be indifferent to your giggles unless he gets curious

when you throw the blanket onto him

he snuggles into it

“...”

“...”

“this is really warm mc... is this what the humans call a weighted blanket..?”

belphie moves the blanket to make room for you

“why don’t you come nap with me since you’re already here..?”

snuggles and cuddles with belphie + warm weighted blanket = your heart melting :)

it’ll probably be hard to get up tho since you’re in belphie’s arms and underneath the heavy ass blanket rip

i ain’t complaining tho 

undateables

diavolo

is probably confused for a moment

until he feels the weight of the blanket

“this reminds me of some sort of torture device...”

picks it up out of curiosity until you tell him what it is

“oh! i see, you were trying to see what would happen when you threw this onto me!”

would probably ask if he could throw it at you too

but he realizes that you’d get hurt

“why dont we start a prank war?”

 but like i feel like it would be fun to have a prank war with Dia :D

plus he gets a break from all of his princely duties and you get to spend some quality time after with him ;)

poor barbatos has to clean up after most of the pranks tho :(

barbatos:

he’s doing some chores around the castle as per usual

until you sneak up on him 

or so you thought ;)

when you throw the blanket at him, barbatos catches it like it weighs nothing

he’s in a little momentary shock for a split second then comes back to reality since he was so focused on his chores

i wouldn’t be surprised bc he does do a helluva lot of things

“i hope you didn’t forget that i can see the future and different timelines.”

also knows that you recorded the little prank and decides to indulge you and let you keep it

“perhaps you can try again next time?”

cooks you up some food to make it up to you

simeon:

blinks in shock as the blanket is thrown over him

just laughs and removes the blanket

“If you were trying to surprise me, it worked.” 

he’d gently drape it over you and pull you into his arms

aklsdhjlaksdfjlk i want it too-

“i’ll have to leave soon though… Diavolo asked me to join him for tea at his castle today.”

simeon lets you go and smiles at you

“i would say don’t plan anything while im gone, but I can’t stop you.”

solomon: 

probably practicing spells or sum when you decide to strike

like some of them, he’d be shocked momentarily

“what’s this? Trying to sneak attack me?”

*queue the solomon smirk*

definitely would try to get back at you

be prepared bc this is one sneaky sorcerer

getting food at hell’s kitchen and need some ketchup?

solomon is there for you

but it isn’t ketchup ;)

its hot sauce ;)))

at the end of the day, solomon means well and laughs off all his pranks with you

bonus character!

luke:

i- why would you wanna throw a blanket at the smol child???

if you do which i hope you dont… pls do it gently

luke would probably pout and sulk at you and get rather upset

simeon would be like >:o

“how could you hurt my child?”

to make it up to luke, simeon would make sure that you bake with him

luke is down for it too, nothing’s better than a baking buddy! :D

long story short, pls PLS do not throw a weighted blanket at luke unless you want to evoke the wrath of everyone :)

[literaturebf]

Tag 10 mutuals or however many and describe on what you like about them!

ooh omg okay! im doing only 10 mutuals if ur not here pls don't be offended it's nothing personal <3

@stardstgf u guys know!! chloe my best friend amazingly talented writer the mutual i would analyze media with all the time if i could <3 i have deliberately ruined my sleep schedule for them on multiple occasions because our time differences are insane so. true friendship i love u an insane amount

@venka aashna my beloved one of the funniest and kindest people i know fr. they are literally a celebrity btw if u don't believe me that's on you. such a cool blog 10/10 personality and also amazing taste in books love you bestie

@loveyouforl000years CLEO‼ one of my oldest mutuals and the mutual who stuck around for when i still didn't know how tumblr worked. v v interesting brain and amazing poems ill read them and still be thinking abt them days later. soo funny best vibes i love u💪🏽

@brucegf fran the love of my life actually. ur blog is like a perfect representation of u and i love it ur writing drives me up the walls when helter skelter comes out i will not sleep for a week actually. i think ur the coolest and soo fucking funny i love you!!

@literateleah ive said this before i think but truly my smartest mutual... the one i have to thank for the brain damage that is my klg obsession and the one with the best taste in books. i scroll through ur recs tag every other day to add stuff to my tbr <3 so so smart hot and funny too. who allowed that

@boysaints i have a post in my draft that's like me messaging lee is just a series of messages showing my descent into madness and like. yeah. he's absolutely crazy and soo talented my entire family thinks so <3 prettiest blog and hilarious too everytime i see a notification from them i go :D. anyways love u king ur amazing

@falseprophetgf literally my sweetest mutual actually claud is so effortlessly kind and so fucking talented the poems they send the gc are always soo amazing it drives me crazy. everytime i talk to u i have so much fun and ur blog is so nice fr <3 love you 🤞🏼

@declan layla is actually insane but. fellow yuuji stan and sooo funny has made me laugh on multiple occasions fr... they r literally never on here but i can forgive that bcs her queue is perfect even if 95% of it is anime boys who i DONT know. the art is gorgeous anyways love you💪🏽

@rorygilmoregf beedee is the love of my life and she makes me crazy!! all of ur writing is perfect and everything u send me is so nice and sweet... her literati breakdowns make my day and the way u talk about ur favorite characters with so much love. Yeah. i think ur the coolest and i can't believe we r mutuals sometimes xo

@prophetbf SHEM!!! all of ur posts are perfect and i mean that. ur such a genuine and kind person in one sentence then the next ur talking about hippo porn and hole the duality of man i guess. i think ur so cool and i want to steal ur gender i love every conversation ive had with you my bestie!

[fluffyglass]

THE MR. FUSSY A BITCH MASTERPOST

I essentially remade the Mr. Rude apologism masterpost but with Mr. Fussy this time, in an attempt to see whether my newfound disliking of Mr. Fussy is justified or not. I've watched every single Mr. Fussy segment and determined whether he's an asshole or not, simple as that.

Season 1

Mr. Fussy is in 42 episodes in Season 1.

In 8 of these episodes does he do something wrong.

Season 2

Mr. Fussy is in 39 episodes in Season 2.

In 9 of these episodes does he do something wrong.

Conclusions

In total, Mr. Fussy did something wrong in 17 out of the 81 segments he's in, which is 20%. Counting the 7 I was unsure about, that's 23/81. 28%. Welp, that means I proved my point in doing this in the first place, I guess! It's official! Based off of my own data, Mr. Fussy is technically a bigger asshole than Mr. Rude!

Am I gonna do every single character? Probably.

Here, take my episode by episode analysis.

Welcome to the Episode by Episode analysis! Same colors as last time, minus blue as. Obviously he can't yell at himself.

Yellow - Mr. Fussy does nothing wrong

Red - Mr. Fussy does something wrong

Pink - I have no idea what to put for this one lmao

SEASON 1

Flying - He doesn't do anything wrong, he just wants to know if the pillow's clean. Even if he's a bit of a dick about it. Mr. Grumpy's the one who . yknow. kidnapped Mr. Bounce

Music - MR FUSSY A BITCH! He unfairly blamed Mr. Rude when Miss Naughty's the one who ruined the first performance :(

Physical - He doesn't do anything wrong, he was just judging the physical performance in his first bit and just participating in the relay race in his second bit

Farm - He doesn't do anything wrong he just got yeeted lmao

Lake - He doesn't do anything wrong, Mr. Scatterbrain is just a moron

Beach - He doesn't do anything wrong, he just got justifiably mad at Mr. Scatterbrain for being a moron

Booboos - He doesn't do anything wrong, he just helped out Mr. Nervous with his splinter

Mall - He doesn't do anything wrong, Mr. Messy is just gross

Books - fuck you Mr. Noisy

Camping - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! Why the fuck did you invite Miss Chatterbox if you wanted silence, you fuck? She legit just wanted to tell him that she saw the bird :(

Science - Mr. Fussy a bitch to the frogs smh

Paint - He doesn't do anything wrong, Mr. Messy just isn't very considerate :(

Jobs - He doesn't do anything wrong, Mr. Tickle a dumbass

Trains - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! Mr. Rude was literally just living his life you stuck up prick

Hobbies - MR. FUSSY a bit of a bitch? Like, he could've told Miss Naughty in advance that her performance was cancelled :( also he was a dick about it

Fair - he doesn't do anything wrong Miss Naughty's just a bitch

Movies - fuck you Mr. Noisy

Dance - he's barely in it and he's nice :)

Amusement Park - he doesn't do anything wrong he's just a dumbass

Rainy Day - he doesn't do anything wrong, even if he insulted Miss Calamity for no reason. He's just a bit of a dumbass

Dillydale Day - his only real crime is that terrible musical number he's in

Games - fuck you Mr. Noisy

Hotel - I love this bit so much holy fuck he doesn't do anything wrong also hes GAY and its AWESOME

Chores - he doesn't do anything wrong he's just like that

Snow - he doesn't do anything wrong, Mr. Messy's just not very considerate

Food - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! He's mean to Mr. Messy :(

Wildlife - he doesn't do anything wrong, cause he didn't mean to call Mr. Messy a repulsive animal

Restaurants - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! I don't wanna rewatch this one it makes me sad :(

Bugs - he's barely in it and he loses his fucking moustache what the fuck

Circus - hes kinda mean to everyone but not enough for me to count it

Cars - I DONT EVEN KNOW MAN HE'S NOT REALLY BAD HE'S JUST FUCKING STUPID

Canned Goods - he's barely in it and just kinda. exists

Ships - he barely even does anything in the bit he has

Cooking - he doesn't do anything wrong ig

Collecting - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! He stole Mr. Messy's shoes and then destroyed his stuff cause he thought it was gross :(

Heatwave - he doesn't do anything wrong mr messy is just mr messy

Sleep - he doesn't do anything wrong

Carwash - I cant say for sure, I refuse to watch this segment again

Sightseeing - he doesn't do anything wrong, Mr. Messy is just nasty. He's kind of a dick to him though

The Dark - I really don't know on this one. He's kinda mean throughout it but not enough to count but also i kinda wanna count it?? cause hes mean to mr messy a lot??? its weird, he also didnt let mr messy back into his house when he was scared :(

Parade - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! He made fun of both Mr. Rude and Mr. Messy's floats and made up a rule specifically against Mr. Messy which is super fucked up man

SEASON 2

Picnics - He doesn't do anything wrong, Mr. Stubborn is just laughably stupid

Driving - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! He didn't want to help Miss Chatterbox and Mr. Tickle, and even tried to ignore Miss Scary and Mr. Quiet rather than help them :(

Outer Space - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! He asks Miss Scary and Miss Naughty "what's wrong with them" when they were just having fun, and doesn't believe them when the real aliens show up :(

Clean Teeth - does this even count as him being an asshole? like yeah he freaks out on Mr. Rude but he's kinda justified in doing it?? this shouldnt count as him being an asshole but I like mr. rude so. yeah, i'm biased. im not counting this one as mr fussy a bitch but im not giving it a yellow. like, he also calls him disgusting and is a dick the entire time but he's in the right so . ???????? he also calls mr messy gross at the end what am i supposed to do here

Airports - hes a bit of a dick but yeah he was gonna miss his flight thats justified

Shoes - he doesn't do anything wrong he's just trying his best

Arts and Crafts - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! He's mean to Mr. Strong and Mr. Messy, and even calls Mr. Messy's art junk :(

Game Shows - he doesn't do anything wrong, he even makes Mr. Happy a quilt :) Mr. Stubborn is just a fucking moron NEVERMIND MR FUSSY STOLE THE FUCKING QUILT BACK???? RUDE

Garages - he's actually really really nice in this bit!! :D he let Mr. Messy keep his bike in his garage and put off mopping his floor to hang out with Mr. Nosey and Mr. Small :)

Eyeglasses - he's barely in it and is fine ig

Toys - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! oh my fucking god he was doing so good and then right at the end he had to go and be a sore loser, call Mr. Messy disgusting, etc. fucker

Hats - he does nothing wrong, he just wants a hat

Robots - he just lost his bread man

Parties - another gay icon segment! hes pretty poggrs

Up and Down - hes barely in it and hes good

Dining Out - hes fine ig? kind of a dick but not especially so

Gifts - is his fucking birthday hell yea

Telephone - once again i refuse to watch it, i'm assuming he's fine

Seashore - he just vibed the entire time

Washing & Drying - he kinda just existed

Sneezes & Hiccups - yeah. he yells at mr messy for something he cant control but. yehjv

Radio - miss helpful you dumbass

Supermarket - he just wanted some cereal man

Cinema - dude a bunch of gay men invaded his car

Getting Around - yeah

Pets - im getting tired of writing notes hes good ig

Dance Dance Dance - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! for one, he's mean to Mr. Rude the entire time, for two, he completely fucking drags Miss Scary's performance the entire time, and for three - he talks through it the entire time! fucker!!!

Library - just wanted his book man

Pirates - yeah

Goo - Miss Naughty you fucking bitch fucjk you fucky ou fuck you! FUCK YOU!!!!

Trains and Planes - he's kind of dickish but otherwise fine

Lunch - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! For one, why the fuck did you invite Mr. Messy if you didn't want "messiness" at your pristine fucking picnic, why the fuck did you invite Miss Chatterbox if you didn't want her talking, etc, but he's also very ignorant of Mr. Quiet's warnings of the bear ):(

Machines - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU BUY MR. MESSY A MACHINE THAT CLEANS HIS HOUSE??? AGAINST HIS WISHES??? AND HE FUCKING SPECIFICALLY ASKS TO GET IT OUT BUT YOU DONT FUCKING LISTEN AND PROCEED TO CRITICISE HIM??? IT'S HIS FUCKING SPACE, FOR ONE, AND YOU KNOW CLEANLINESS MAKES HIM UNCOMFORTABLE! YOU FUCK! im so fucking mad

Birds - he doesn't do anything wrong he gets fucking yeeted

Bath and Bubbles - this is the only Mr. Fussy bit where he's actually happy at the end and yknow what? boyboss moment

Sand and Surf - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! I know this is a trend but yes, he's a dick to Mr. Quiet and ignores everything he says.

Parks - MR. FUSSY A BITCH! He spends the entire segment bullying Mr. Messy and I am tired of it

Travel - hes kinda dickish the entire time but mmmmmyeah

Bad Weather - i didnt want to watch this one again cause it sucks, i'm assuming he's fine

If you've read to the bottom, then I'm sure you're actually interested in what I have to say about him/the other mr men and little misses. Because I'm definitely going to be doing more of these, please acknowledge going forward that I am one, singular teenager. A teenager susceptible to my own bias, especially when it comes to some of the "negative" characters. Don't take my percentages and data too seriously, as it's all technically based off of my opinions of each segment. Ok bye bye Mr. Noisy's next

[aelinbitch-archive]

this is so beyond embarrassing and i swear im not trying to sound like someone who thinks taylor swiffer is gay but which if any song off of folklore gives you aag/tog lady vibes?

ALSDKFH;;OSADFJ okay. five days ago i would have blocked you for this but folklore really is SO good like... okay let’s go

i really feel like most of the album has the cel x nehemia tragic lovestory vibe! it’s so deeply sad!! consider - 

the 1 = cel’s perspective: We were something, don't you think so? / Rosé flowing with your chosen family / And it would've been sweet / If it could've been me / In my defense, I have none / For digging up the grave another time / But it would've been fun / If you would've been the one

cardigan = cel’s perspective: I knew you / Tried to change the ending / Peter losing Wendy

exile (= cel as justin and nehemia as taylor): I never learned to read your mind (Never learned to read my mind) / I couldn't turn things around (You never turned things around) / 'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs) / So many signs, so many signs / You didn't even see the signs

my tears ricochet = nehemia’s perspective (the death being METAPHORICAL though 🙄🙄🙄): I didn't have it in myself to go with grace / And you're the hero flying around, saving face / And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? / Cursing my name, wishing I stayed... And I can go anywhere I want / Anywhere I want, just not home (😣) / And you can aim for my heart, go for blood / But you would still miss me in your bones

seven = cel’s persepctive (recalling her childhood as aelin, reflecting on how that trauma is affecting her now, asking nehemia to see beyond her mask): Please picture me in the trees / I hit my peak at seven... Are there still beautiful things?... Please picture me in the weeds / Before I learned civility / I used to scream ferociously / Any time I wanted

this is me trying = cel’s persepctive: They told me all of my cages were mental / So I got wasted like all my potential / And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad / I have a lot of regrets about that... And it's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound / It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you

illicit affairs = cel’s perspective (in com/hof being really mad/broken up about it): And you wanna scream / Don't call me "kid," don't call me "baby" / Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me / You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else

invisible string = could be either of their perspectives, but the concept is 100% the “tug” that cel describes feeling w yrene and other women!: Time, mystical time / Cutting me open, then healing me fine / Were there clues I didn't see? / And isn't it just so pretty to think / All along there was some / Invisible string / Tying you to me?

BETTY.... RLY IS THE CLIMAX AND IT COULD BE EITHER!! feels like nehemia could be singing to cel: “The worst thing that I ever did / Was what I did to you” (not that what she “did” in canon was actually a morally bad thing, it was an incredibly brave and selfless thing, but from an emotional standpoint - and a standpoint in which we’re pretending! she! didn’t! actually! fucking! d*e! - it ruined cel’s life so ykwim?) but then the chorus of “But if I just showed up at your party / Would you have me? Would you want me? / Would you tell me to go fuck myself / Or lead me to the garden?... I'm only seventeen, I don't know anything / But I know I miss you” is VERY cel singing to nehemia. so this one i feel like is honestly less about the specific “perspective” and more just an emotional summary and climax of the whole thing

HOAX = THE ENTIRE THING. EVERY SINGLE LYRIC. IS BOTH THEIR PERSPECTIVES!! AND IT’S SUCH A SAD ENDINGGGG: Stood on the cliffside screaming, "Give me a reason" / Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in / Don't want no other shade of blue but you / No other sadness in the world would do / My best laid plan / Your sleight of hand / My barren land / I am ash from your fire... You know I left a part of me back in New York / You knew the hero died so what's the movie for?... Darling, this was just as hard / As when they pulled me apart... My only one / My kingdom come undone / My broken drum / You have beaten my heart

anyway. fuck sjm this was the tragic gay love story we deserved

[captainillogical]

Devil’s Ballroom Ch.7

A year after the events from the earth’s final attack, Little Homeworld is finally complete, and there’s a new jazz bar where gems and humans mingle and drink. - As you’re typing back a reply, someone pulls the stool out next to you and takes a seat. You see a sliver of pink out of the corner of your eye as you try not to actually Look. Oh god. It’s her. God can’t help us now.

Spinel/Reader

collab with my lovely wife @firstofficertightpants​

ya’ll im sorry lmao

You spend the rest of your evening doing exactly none of the errands that you needed to deal with today. Instead, you're laying on your couch and texting your friends.

         Y/N: I'm so tornnnn.

     Y/N: Do I say something about the cheek smooch?

     Y/N: Should I leave it be?

     Y/N: Because she's texting like nothing happened.

     Y/N: What if I'm reading too much into it??

     Y/N: What if that's just how she shows friendship affection???

     Y/N: I might make it so fucking awkward if I assume something!

     Y/N: This entire ordeal is mortifying!!!

     Y/N: I want nothing more than to dig a big hole and lie in it forever.

     Y/N: I might be low-key having a panic attack about this rn but what's new.

     Harper: Y/N. chill. you're way overreacting to this.

     Harper: even if it meant nothing, she still likes you as a friend right?

     Harper: i think it would take a lot for her to like.. not wanna stay friends lol.

     Alex: im just saying you could probably kiss her and she'd be ok with it

     Alex: cheek kisses are pretty forward

     Harper: don't listen to him. all of his relationships ended in failure.

     Alex: wow

     Alex: im seriously hurt

     Harper: am I wrong?

     Alex: no..

     Harper: my point exactly.

     Harper: i’m not saying you have nothing to lose or anything.

     Harper: because i myself had to tread very carefully with leah..

     Harper: but i think you should just see where it goes and not like

     Harper: put too much emphasis on this incase it was nothing.

     Y/N: Yeah see now you have me worried it WAS nothing!!

     Alex: oh my goooooooddddddddddddddd

     Alex: the both of you approach women so.. pathetically

     Alex: take a risk

     Alex: live a little

     Alex: what is seriously the worst that could happen

     Alex: she kills you??

     Alex: lmao

     Alex: its funny cuz of.. you know

     Harper: i can’t wait to be home and smothering him with a pillow instead of affection.

     Y/N: You and me both.

     Y/N: Try being the only one available to play games with him.

     Alex: both of you fucking love me okay

     Alex: alsooooooo i get to be home the day after tomorrow

     Alex: the alex is back, babieeeeee

     Y/N: Harper please come home I’m BEGGING you.

     Harper: sorry you gotta deal with him alone for another month lmao.

     Y/N: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

     Alex: can i get a fucking crumb of love here please

         You swipe over to the couple of messages Spinel has left you in the past couple of minutes while you were talking to your friends.

         Spinel: It’s another stupid ball, I just found out.

     Spinel: I told her that I’m sitting this one out this time.

     Spinel: She has so many others that would absolutely love to help her, and yet, still absolutely insists that I must be there.

     Spinel: I don’t want to go back to homeworld right now, and not for this.

     Y/N: And you put your foot down? Hell yeah, dude.

     Y/N: Planning a ball for a bunch of gems sounds like a chore anyway.

     Spinel: oh, it is, believe me.

     Spinel: And they need everything to be PERFECT.

     Spinel: Which isn’t realistic anymore now that they don’t expect any of the gems to stay in line with their gem class nowadays.

     Spinel: The last ball they threw almost 4 months ago was utterly chaotic.

     Y/N: For thousands of years y'all as a race never pushed to deviate from the norm, and now that you guys are allowed to? I’d go batshit with it too.

     Y/N: Being stifled in everyday life, and finally you’re free?

     Y/N: Fuck, I’d go around fusing with anyone!

     Spinel: That is precisely what too many of them did.

     Y/N: Lmao. I wish I could’ve seen that.

         You tab back over to your group chat for a moment to see what they’re talking about.

         Harper: see? they’re everywhere.

     Harper: i wasn’t expecting the campsite to have so many.

     Alex: you could have built an army and instead you took pictures

     Alex: do you know how easy it is to lure chipmunks?

     Alex: oh that lil guy on the bottom right is so fucking chunky i love him

     Harper: that’s the one that got the closest when i fed them. :3

     Alex: oh i fuckin BET

     Alex: you dont get that chubby in the wild without takin a few risks

     Alex: if u know what i mean ;)

     Harper: i hate whatever you just implied.

     Y/N: It’s not a conversation with Alex unless you roll your eyes at least 3 times.

     Alex: hey i thought it was 4 times

     Alex: dont insult me

     Alex: anyway, y/n

     Alex: are you workin the day i come back

     Y/N: Yeah I’m actually scheduled a double.

     Alex: scheduled

     Y/N: Yes.

     Alex: a double

     Y/N: Yes.

     Alex: he can’t SCHEDULE you a DOUBLE

     Y/N: He can if he asks me ahead of time as a favor.

     Alex: that fuckin bastard

     Alex: always ruining my plans

     Harper: you’re still mad at him for firing you last summer, huh.

     Alex: OF COURSE I AM

     Y/N: Bro you stole like $300 of cotton candy sugar that summer.

     Y/N: It’s only fair.

     Y/N: Besides, I’m only doing this because he said he’d give me a long weekend for it.

     Alex: kay well

     Alex: i guess i’ll just go bug you at work and wait for you to get off that day :'(

     Y/N: Get me written up again, I swear to god.

         Your phone chimes several times, and you swipe down to see messages from both Spinel and Steven. You check Spinel's first.

         Spinel: Do me a favor and ignore any messages Steven has sent you.

     Y/N: What are you, my boss?

     Spinel: I MEAN IT

         You quickly switch over to Steven's texts.

         Steven: I was going to ask you if your date with Spinel went okay, but I'm assuming it went fine considering she hasn't really stopped talking about you.

         Ohhhh my god, this is wild. You reply to him.

         Y/N: It wasn't a date as far as I know.

     Y/N: I had fun.

     Y/N: She's telling me to not read your messages, lmao.

     Y/N: Also what do you mean she hasn't stopped talking about me??

     Steven: She’s been lying on my floor for the last hour basically gushing about you.

     Steven: But you didn’t hear that from me!

     Steven: :D

     Y/N: Haha thanks, kid.

         You switch back over to text Spinel, and get up off the couch to make yourself some tea. Pulling out your kettle, you turn the stove on and grab some raspberry flavored abomination tea bag that your dad loves more than any of the other good tea flavors.

         Y/N: Sooooo.

     Spinel: You talked to him, didn’t you.

     Y/N: Hahaha noooo. :)

     Spinel: The fuck did he say?

     Y/N: Absolutely nothing.

     Spinel: Seriously? I was sure he’d reveal something embarrassing.

     Y/N: Nope! You should probably get off his floor eventually, though.

         Your kettle goes off and you grab a clean mug, and pour the boiling water into it along with the tea packet. You look down at your phone, and grin.

         Spinel: goddammit.

         You let the bag steep for a little bit, and add in a small amount of sugar. Walking up to your bedroom you take a snap of Jellybean half lounging, half falling off the stairs and send it to Spinel. She replies with a couple heart emojis, and you wonder if Steven was the one to show her the proper use of them. You set your cup of tea down on your desk, and turn your computer on. It’s evening now, and it’s much too late to do anything left with the rest of your day productivity-wise, so you settle in on playing more minecraft. Your thoughts wander quite a bit, and you find yourself stuck on thinking about Spinel. Naturally. You wonder about a lot of things she’s learned while staying on earth, from things like - does she pay rent? Does she have a job? Does she know what taxes are? Does she know what a relationship with a human looks like? She said she watched a movie, but didn’t exactly elaborate. You don’t know what human-norms she’s been exposed to. You can’t even concentrate enough to mine any of this redstone for Alex, and you nearly die in-game when the thought of ‘does she know what sex is?’ pops into your mind. You grab your phone and shoot Spinel another message.

         Y/N: Quick question.

     Y/N: If you don’t mind me asking.

         It takes her a few minutes to reply.

         Spinel: Sure?

     Y/N: Do you know how humans are made?

     Spinel: w

     Spinel: Yes?

     Spinel: Steven told me about it a few weeks ago actually.

     Spinel: Why are you asking?

     Y/N: No reason! Just curious is all.

     Spinel: Hm.

         Yeah you’re not too confident that she actually knows, and you’re too chickenshit to elaborate right now. You’ll enlighten her later. You spend the rest of the night browsing memes on your phone, and texting your friends and Spinel on occasion. Before you know it, your eyes drift close with your phone in hand.

     You wake up when your alarm goes off for your morning shift, and curse at yourself for not charging it last night. It’s at a solid 32%, which isn’t really enough to go about your day, but you’ll have to make do. You get ready for a hopefully not shitty day, lock up the house, and head in to work.

     It’s a complete shitshow when you come in, and you turn your phone off to save battery and concentrate on dealing with more than an average amount of tourists. You find Mr. Smiley sleeping in the breakroom/office/supply closet, and have half a mind to lock him in there from the outside for the rest of your shift. It’s pretty busy, and messy, and it isn’t until you’re there for several exhausting hours that you finally have enough time for a break. You turn your phone on, and instantly you’re flooded with messages from several different people. Ugh.

           A couple from your dad - just checking in, really. Group chat too as usual, but none of it seems overly important. One from Spinel, and several from Steven. You open up Spinel’s message first.

         Spinel: Do you think we could talk about a couple of things later?

         Vague, and a little concerning. You text back an apology for getting back to her so late, and open the messages from Steven.

         Steven: Hey are you busy?

     Steven: I’m dealing with a bit of a situation right now, and could use your help.

     Steven: Spinel locked herself in my bathroom, and she won’t come out.

     Steven: She refuses to answer to anyone, and several of us have tried.

     Steven: I’m just really worried about her, and you guys seemed to bond, so I was hoping..

     Steven: That maybe you could come over?

     Steven: Thanks regardless.

         You check the timestamp, and that was over an hour ago. Jesus christ.

         Y/N: Steven I’m so sorry, my phone was off and I’m at work, give me a few and I’ll be right over, okay?

     Y/N: I’ll be quick.

         He replies almost immediately with a “please” and you pocket your phone. You try not to worry too hard about Spinel as you rush over to grab your things, and knock on Mr. Smiley’s office/broom closet door. He opens it groggily, clearly just waking up.

     “Yeah?” he slowly blinks at you.

     “I gotta leave early. Emergency.” You stare at him, trying to not be pissed at his lack of work ethic.

     “Are you for real? You’ve got another 3 hours left.” He says and crosses his arms, and you glare at him.

     “I’ve been working my ass off while you’ve been sleeping this whole time, AND I’m covering your ass tomorrow so you can go meet your old friend! So the LEAST you can do is let me go early when I have an emergency!!!” You almost yell out at him, and he holds his hands up in defense.

     “Okay, okay! Fine. Only because you’re a good worker.” He says, and has the gall to look at least a little ashamed of himself.

     “Damn right I am.” You spin around and head out of the building, practically running.

     You almost trip and bite it several times on the way over to Steven’s place, but you’re more worried about Spinel. You’ve only been to his place twice, but once you’re there you run up the stairs and open the door without knocking. You’re greeted by the only two people in the living room, Pearl, and Steven.

         “Oh, she’s here!” Pearl says and nudges Steven, who looks up from typing on his phone.

     “Y/N! Thank god you’re here.” He says with furrowed eyebrows.

     “What happened?” You say and shut the door, and cross the room over to him.

     “I’m not sure! We were just working on something together for Amethyst, and she got a call from Blue and Yellow. She’s been ignoring them lately, and they’ve been bothering me in turn because of that, so I asked her to take the call just see what they want.” He runs his hand through his brown curls, and just for a moment, you see that 12 year old him in again. The obvious stress masks just how young he really is, and you feel bad that he can’t live life like a normal kid. “She went outside to take the call, and was out there for quite a while. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but I did hear some yelling. And just when I was going over to make sure they were alright, she comes back in tears, eyes spiraling like months ago, and nearly knocks Pearl over rushing into the bathroom.”

     “And nothing since?” You inquire, fidgeting with your hands.

     “No,” He says, frustratedly. “I’ve been trying to reach the diamonds to see what this is all about, but I’ve only been getting the pearls. I don’t know what to do. She hasn’t been like this in months. What were they talking about to make her this upset?”

     “Maybe I can find out. You said she’s in your bathroom?” You raise an eyebrow at him.

     “Yeah, the one right over here.” He says and points to it.

     “Is it locked?” You ask.

     “No,” Pearl glances towards the bathroom door and crosses her arms. “The lock has been broken on it for a while, since Peridot joined us actually. Both Garnet and I tried opening it, but I think once Spinel hears someone trying to come in she blocks the door.”

     Hm.

     “I’m gonna try something, but you guys are gonna wanna stay away.” You say to the two of them. “I don’t want to overwhelm her with more than one person.”

     “Let us know if we can do anything?” Steven makes to pass by you and gives your arm a light squeeze. “And thanks for coming to help.”

     “Anytime, dude.” You give him a half smile, and walk over to his bathroom. You turn to take a look back at the other two, and they’re already in the kitchen discussing something in soft tones. You move to knock at the door, make two light taps against the frame, and wait for an answer.

     A couple seconds pass, and nothing. Not even any movement. Nervously, you knock again, a little louder this time, and wait for a good ten seconds.

     Still nothing.

     You take a deep breath, reach out to grab the door handle, and very slowly and quietly open the bathroom door. You see nothing but absolute darkness, and step in. You feel around the wall to your right and flip a switch just as you close the door behind you with an audible click. The room instantly floods with the dark red light of the heat lamp, and before you can even think about finding another light source, you find yourself slammed up against the wall and let out a surprised yelp. You open your eyes to see Spinel’s face inches from yours, pupils wild, her hands splayed against your shoulders.

     “U-um,” Your voice cracks a little. “Hey.”

     You watch her eyes take a second to find yours, and almost instantly, she lets you go, arms trembling.

     “W.. what are YOU DOING HERE!?” She cries, large tears pouring down her face, eyebrows raised in confusion, mouth trembling. Her hair is in loose pigtails, strands untamed around her face, cheeks stained with tear tracks. She looks like a mess, and your heart breaks, just a little. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt y-”

     “I’m fine.” You cut her off. “I should have said who it was outside the door, I’m sorry. And um.. Steven texted me while I was at work, and told me what was going on so I rushed over..” You trail off as you watch Spinel’s entire body shake, and she covers her face with both of her hands.

     “I can’t believe I just did that.” You hear her wavering voice, muffled behind her fists, and she lets out a choked sob. “Maybe they were right. M-maybe I’m not meant to-” She quickly moves her hands down to look at the floor with wide, vulnerable eyes, and struggles to form the rest of her words. You hear her breathing pick up pace, and you’re starting to realize she’s hyperventilating.

     “Spinel, look at me.” Her eyes shoot up to yours, lips trembling. “I need you to breathe.” You do what your friends have always done with you, and gently grab both of her hands and hold them with yours, thumbs stroking her palms in slow circles. She freezes up instantly, and you’re about to panic, because while a familiar touch helps ground you, you register that maybe it’ll make it worse for her. But before you can pull your hands away, her hands relax ever so slightly, and she lets out a shaky breath. “Good. Just like that.” You motion for her to follow your breathing inverals, and she copies you, hands still shaking in yours.

     It’s been a while since you’ve had to deal with something like this, but you’re thankful for having similar life experiences. After a solid minute or two of this her breathing is back to a normal pace, but she’s still crying, and now not meeting your eyes. Almost like she’s avoiding them.

     “Look, I.. I don’t know what happened with you and the diamonds, but you can talk to me about it if you’d like. No pressure, though.” You give her hands a small squeeze, and she whimpers, looking up to meet your gaze. Tears are still actively streaming down her face, and you have no idea how to make any of this better. It physically hurts you to see her like this.

     “C-can I not talk about it? I don’t think I’m ready..” She pulls a hand from yours, and wipes at her face. She just kind of smeared half of her face with wetness, and she looks miserable.

     “You don’t have to talk about anything, Spinel.” You look at her, making sure she sees it in your eyes. You slowly let go of her other hand, and hold your arms out in a silent question instead. Her mouth opens slightly, the red glow of the light around her making her look extremely vulnerable and soft, and she looks at your open arms with a blank face for a moment before understanding. Almost instantaneously, she throws herself against you and wraps her arms around your shoulders, shoving her face into the cradle of your neck. You envelop your arms around her tightly, giving her sides a squeeze, and you feel her start to shake again.

     She lets out an unsteady sigh, and hiccups out another small sob. You pull her to lean fully against you as you stand there, bracing your back against the bathroom door. She lets you maneuver her, and you rest the side of your face against her temple while she cries. You resign yourself to letting her cry on you until she’s done, if she needs to.

       You feel her sniffle against your neck, and try not to mind that she’s getting your shirt soaked. You give her back a few gentle rubs, feeling her body quiver against yours as she’s trying to control her choked breathing. You’re not really counting the minutes, as right now you’re currently having way too many rampant thoughts about what the fuck the diamonds could’ve said to her. You’re mad as hell, honestly, and if you could say shit to them, you would in a heartbeat. You don’t want to make anything worse for her though, as much as you want to steal her phone and video call them to curse them out. It takes a few more minutes, but eventually her crying dies down, and you feel her breathing even out. Slowly, she dislodges her arms from twisting around you two, and you feel a sigh, her breath hot against your neck. You do your best to school your facial expression as you’re realize just how close you are to her, and she pulls her face from its resting position to look at you. She looks awful.

       “U-um,” She lifts up her hand to attempt to wipe her face, failing to rub half the tears away. “I don’t really want to go out there yet..”

       “You don’t have to.” You say, quietly. “I can leave if you’d like some quiet to yourself.” Her face looks panicked for a second, and she grabs your wrist.

       “Please don’t leave me.” She says, voice wavering again. You try not to let your heart shatter at her tone.

     “I won’t if you want me here.” You say, and sigh softly. “Here, hold on a second.”

     She lets your wrist go as you move slightly over to the sink, turn the hot water on, and grab a clean hand towel from the counter. You soak it in water, and squeeze out all the excess. Towel in hand, you turn back to her, and she’s looking at you cautiously. You lift the towel slightly, motioning to her face.

     “May I?” You ask, and she nods slightly.

     Tenderly, you brush a couple strands of hair away from her face, grasp her chin with your left hand and pull her forward, gently pressing the towel to her cheek. She closes her eyes, and her shoulders sag a little as she lets you dab at her face, cleaning her of any tear stain marks. She sighs into your touch, and it strikes you that it would be so easy to just.. lean in and kiss her.

       Your brain almost short circuits and you snap your thoughts back to reality. There’s a time and place for everything. This is not the time, nor the place.

       Once you’re satisfied that she looks a lot better than before, you pull your hands away to toss the rag in the sink, and Spinel, for a brief moment, looks disappointed that you had stopped. Which.. kind of gives you an idea.

       “Can I try something? Harper used to do this thing with me when I.. had similar breakdowns.” You ask her. She raises her eyebrow in response, clearly exhausted from crying so much. “Here.” You say, and take her hand and lead her over to the rim of the bathtub. You sit down on the edge, and motion for her to sit in front of you on the floor. She takes a seat in front of you, still confused, but obeys nonetheless. “Can I touch you?” You ask her, watching her face to make sure she’s alright.

       She looks up at you, the red light in the room flooding the entirety of her face, making her hair darker, and the whites of her eyes a bit more dramatic.

     “Yeah.” She says in reply, voice tired.

     You reach out to her hair, and stop for a moment.

     “Can I have you face the other direction, actually? Come over here.” You move to open your knees, making enough room for Spinel to turn around and lean against the bathtub. She’s close to you again.

     “What are you..” She trails off as you start to take the hair ties out of her pigtails, one after the other. It takes a second, as it’s a bit tangled, but you manage to get both out, and let her hair fall down. You comb out her hair with your fingers, gently, and she sighs audibly while leaning into your touch. You run your short nails along her scalp, scratching and massaging as you smooth out her hair, attempting to pull all the tangles out.

     “Touch used to calm me down, and Harper was really good at it, honestly.” You say while pulling out a particularly difficult tangle without hurting her. Her hair is long like this, and you like it. You wish you could grow your hair this long, but it’s kind of a pain to deal with, and the longest you’ve ever had yours wasn’t even to your mid back, you think to yourself. “Sometimes she’d give me shoulder and neck massages, but I preferred that she’d just play with my hair. There’s just something different about another person touching your hair.”

     “I kind of get what you mean.” She says, tiredly.

     “Can I braid your hair?” You lean closer to look at her face.

     “Do what you want.” She says, looking fairly relaxed.

     “Cool. Anyway, while Harper was good at that, Alex, on the other hand, was just terrible at any kind of physical comfort. He’s genuine, and he tries, but he’s an idiot. He’s a lot better at distractions, for the most part.” You run your fingers through her hair one more time, before starting to separate her hair into three parts for a french braid. “He’s funny, and comes from a large family, so he always has stories and jokes. Whenever I’d have a panic attack, those two were always so good about being there for me. I don’t know what I’d do without them.”

     You notice that Spinel‘s shoulders have lost most of the tension in them, and you’re secretly relieved. You keep talking to fill the quietness around you two, because you’ve always hated the quiet during moments like these. Your friends aren’t here, so it’s up to you to make up for it.

     “It was kind of hard, at first though,” You say, and start looping the chunks of hair around your fingers, starting at the top of her head. “Because for a while there, back when I was 16 and dealing with the worst of my abandonment issues, I clung onto Harper like a baby koala. I had this super weird crush on her even though we had been friends since we were practically babies. I think I idolized her because she was just.. good to me.” You accidentally tug a little too hard on a strand of hair, wince and utter an apology while massaging the spot on her scalp. “I’m glad that didn’t ruin our friendship, but for a while there I really pushed my feelings onto her, which was kinda fucked up on my part.”

     “Hm..” Spinel mumbles. “I kind of had a thing for Pink, I think. Which ended up screwing with me even more after what she did.” You stare at the back of her head and pause your hands for a second. Huh. Yeah, you had a hunch.

     “If she were still alive, I’d punch her in the face for you, I hope you know.” You state, in full seriousness. This gets the first chuckle that you’ve heard from her today, and you’re secretly overjoyed.

     “I’d pay to watch that.” She says, and you laugh out loud. You see her smile, just barely.

     “So,” You continue, with both your hands and conversation. “A week or so after my 17th birthday, right after Harper talked to me about this guy at school that she liked, I confess to her. And not like a, ‘oh hey, you’re my best friend and I really like you’ kind of way, either. It was more like a, ‘have a mental breakdown over your best friend liking someone else and make them feel like shit about it on your walk home from school’ kind of confession.” Your hands reach the nape of her neck now, braid mostly done on her head, but you’ve got around another 20 inches of length before being finished.

     “Harper avoided me for nearly a week after that. I was absolutely pathetic, and inconsolable. Alex was fed up with my shit after a few days, and nearly slapped me over it. He would’ve been in the right, doing so, honestly. I was a selfish asshole who only thought about her own feelings, and not about her best friends.” Your eyes drift to Spinel’s face, and her eyes are closed, eyebrows unfurrowed.

     “Anyway,” You’re nearly done with the entire braid now. “She did end up forgiving me. Thankfully. I don’t know what I’d do if it were my fault that I’d split up our friend group.” You pick up the discarded hair tie from earlier, and tie it around the end of the braid.

     “I’m all done, by the way.” You say to her. She opens her eyes tentatively, and she looks sleepy. You stand up, and stretch your back. She also gets up on wobbly legs, and turns to look at you.

     “Um.” She’s avoiding your eyes. “Thank you. For this.” She’s twisting her hands together, nervously. You lean your face closer to get at eye-level with her.

     “Anytime.. and for the record, you look really cute in a braid.” You say and smile, giving her a cheeky wink. You watch her entire face from the neck up turn bright red, and think that you could probably do this forever, and never get tired. She gives you a noncommittal grunt, halfheartedly smacks your arm and you grin at her.

     You hear a quiet knock at the door, and look over to Spinel. She shrugs, so I guess it’s okay now.

     “You can come in!” You say to the door. It opens slowly, and you see Steven peek his head in.

     “Um.. are we okay?” He asks, clearly very worried about her.

     “I’ll be okay.” She says, and you think that maybe she should lay down and sleep. You verbalize this immediately.

     “Spinel. I think you should go take a nap.” You look at her, and she blinks at you. “I’m serious.”

     “She’s kind of right.” Steven says in agreement with you. Spinel gives the both of you a shrug, and even that seems like it’s taking a lot out of her.

     “Okay.” She says, and turns to walk out of the bathroom. Steven opens the door wider, and you can see Pearl in the kitchen leaning against the counter, trying to not seem like she’s intently watching all of you.

     Spinel makes her way over to the couch and takes a seat, sitting up rigidly. You walk over to her to make sure she’s okay before you leave for home.

     “You know you can text me, right? And if you need me, I’ll be available. I’ll leave my volume turned on.” She gives you a nod. “Oh, and.. take this,” You say, and pull off the pullover hoodie you’re wearing right now, and hand it over to her. “Alex used to let me wear his oversized sweaters, and they used to help me sleep, so..”

     She tentatively reaches out, and takes it from your hands.

     “Thanks.” She says, and gives you a small smile. With her hair pulled back like this she almost looks human, for a fleeting moment. You sometimes forget she’s a gem. You return the smile back at her, and turn around to leave.

     After grabbing your bag that you set down earlier from beside the couch, you head over to the front door and open it. Shouldering the bag, you start to shut the door and see Steven behind you. He closes the door behind him, his face searching yours for something you don’t quite know.

     “I don’t know what you did, but thank you.” He says, completely genuine.

     “You don’t have to thank me. I’d do it for you, too, you know.” You say to him, and he smiles.

     “That’s why I like you, Y/N. You’re sweet.”

     “Yeahhhh, don’t tell anyone, though. You’ll ruin my reputation.” You smirk, giving him the side-eye. He laughs and pats your back.

     “Ohhhhhh no! Whatever will you do!?” He rolls his eyes in jest. “Get home safe, okay?”

     “No promises.” You reply, and jump down his steps, two at a time.  

     It doesn’t take you long to get home, and you’re pretty tired yourself. You make yourself busy by preparing dinner, cleaning the kitchen a little, and calling your dad for another check-in. Before you know it, it’s nearly 11, and you need to sleep for your double shift tomorrow that you almost forgot about. You’re laying in bed browsing social media before drifting off, and you receive a text from Spinel. You swipe down and open the message.

         Spinel: Thanks again for today.

     Spinel: I baked some new cookies with Steven, and would like to give you some tomorrow if that’s okay?

         You smile to yourself. Ughhhhhhhh, you’re catching the feelings disease, and you swat the air around you like it somehow physically manifested around you.

         Y/N: I work literally all day, but feel free to stop by and give them to me.

     Y/N: Then I get to see a pretty familiar face to break up all the lame tourists.

     Y/N: Cuz that sounds super nice. ;)

     Spinel: I’ll see you tomorrow, then.

         She didn’t react to your obvious teasing, but you won’t let that discourage you. You fall asleep thinking of the many different ways you can poke fun at her, and this time, you charge your phone.

     You wake up the next morning feeling well-rested for once, and get ready for work. Alex has sent you a couple texts about when his flight will arrive, and when he’ll roughly come to meet you. Sometime around 4pm, apparently. You shoot Spinel a good morning text, and she replies almost instantly with the same, which makes you smile.

     You head to work, texting your group chat about what happened yesterday with Spinel, and give them basically all the details. Alex makes fun of you for a bit, so you curse him out and pocket your phone as you clock in. Today’s going to suck, but you’ve got a few things to look forward to.

     You make it a couple hours into your shift before you finally get a break, and Spinel texts you that she’ll drop by sometime in the afternoon once she’s done helping Bismuth with something. God you hope it’s not when Alex gets here, because you are so not fucking ready for that interaction. You eat your lunch and pray to any god out there that you could have one more day of peace.

     You’re outside the main building repairing a couple parts on the carousel, ignoring the bulk of the tourists to focus on work. You don’t realize that quite a while has passed by, because someone walks up to you as you’ve got your head in a small door, and kicks you slightly on your ass. You jolt and bump your head against the opening, and you hear Alex burst out into laughter as you groan in pain.

     God fucking dammit, this guy. You pull your head out to glare at him, screwdriver pointing at him threateningly.

     “Do you want this up your ass? Because I can do that.” You say to him, and he laughs even harder. You roll your eyes at him.

     “Don’t promise me with a good time, Y/N.” He says, and you stand up to smack him.

     “I don’t think the pointy end would be a good time, idiot.” You deadpan stare at him. He grins.

     “You don’t know what I’m into.” He shrugs, and flips his hair dramatically. You hate that he’s stupid and charming, and you love him so much.

     “I know I haven’t seen you in 2 months, but like, I feel like you’ve grown taller?” You stare at him, a little mournfully. You’re the shortest one out of your friends, and you’re of average height. He also seems.. handsomer. You think he definitely got a lot more tan. He’s definitely grown into his looks, his dark curly hair and recently shaved face making him look older than you’re used to.

     “I don’t think I did, but I think you’ve grown shorter.” He laughs obnoxiously, and you smack his arm again, which makes him laugh harder.

     “You’re so mean to me, like all the time. Why do I love you?” You cross your arms and pout, because you know it gets a rise out of him.

     “Youuuuuuu knowww, because I’m just so loveable and gorgeous and the smartest one in the group??” He flutters his eyelashes at you like he thinks he’s cute.

     “Wow, you are none of these things.” You reply, smirking at him. He puts his hand over his heart in mock offense.

     “Y/N, I’m offended. I’ve been here for like, five minutes, and I’ve received absolutely no affection from you. If I don’t get love, I will wilt and die. Do you want to be responsible for my death?” He opens his arms wide, and you roll your eyes dramatically, and stand there.

     “We’re not doing this in public.” You say, standing your ground.

     “Ohhh, YES we are, Y/N.” He wiggles his eyebrows. “Prepare yourself for the onslaught.”

     You take a couple steps back, prepared to run. He grabs your arms, wraps his around your torso, and picks you up, swinging you around.

     “Nooooooooooooooooo!!” You cry. “Put me down you oaf!”

     “No! I want love!” He all but shouts, and spins you around. He grabs your cheek with one hand and starts giving you big ‘ol smooches all over your face, and you’re giggling and trying to push him away, when you hear something drop and spill on the pavement a good twenty feet from you. You look up.

     It’s Spinel.

       Her face is twisted with heartbreak, and before you can even speak up, she bolts.

       You look down, and see the cookies she made you scattered on the ground.

[thedyingmoon]

I dont know if im doing this correctly... god i hope so. Im a virgin at tumblr and at sending asks. First i need to tell you that I love your writing, "I see my future before me" is amazing and so enjoyable and "chat buddies" is so funny. I love vergil and V so much. Now i wanna ask something i know you say that you dont do smut and thats perfectly fine, but... what about a romantic/make out session with V inside a Phone thingy. Hugs and kisses(you dont have to do it if you feel unconfi with it)

Hello! I'm so sorry this took a long time to do. 🙈🙈🙈

Anyway, here you go. Enjoy!

A/N: Written while listening to Rachmaninoff ( the king of angst ) Piano Concerto No. 2 in D minor.

***

🖤 Stay 🖤

***

Everything was ruined the moment you decided to confess to him.

Well, yeah, at first you thought he was intimidating and all, considering the fact that he kept to himself most of the time and actually gave no shits to others around him. And during those times when he did bother to join the team, he would always assert dominance over everyone, including you, and that would make things a bit harder, albeit more organized, since any of you no longer had to formulate proper strategies, since he already made some.

But, you had to admit that, during those times when you do get to go with him during missions, you learned his gestures, his distinct mannerisms, heck, even his habit of quoting poetry. And then, you realized that he was actually not the person you thought he was when you first saw him.

The cleverness of his every action, the tenacity to stay alive, the authority he exudes, the kindness he radiates, the sheer strength of his willpower,...

... his love for poetry, his deep voice, his emerald - colored eyes, his smile,...

... and yes, that smile,...

Ah, yes. It was safe to say that, after a month of being with the tattooed poet, you fell head over heels for him.

And that, alone, was a vast understatement.

And it came to the point where keeping your feelings all to yourself was no longer bearable that you just had to confess ( with a little urging from the others, especially Griffon, who kind of sensed your feelings from the very beginning ).

So, one day, that one fateful day, you mustered up all the courage you could, walked up to him and called his attention.

Then, you said it, the dreaded three words, matched and laced by other jumbled phrases and sentences that you could barely remember.

And, just like that, he told you, flat out, that the feelings aren't mutual, and that he could not, would not, reciprocate through any means.

Of course, you two came to a point where a sort of friendship was established between the two of you.

But,...

Everything was ruined the moment you decided to confess to him.

No.

More like fucked up.

And that was three whole months ago since that summer month.

Despite the embarrassing situation you two were in because of that failed attempt at an honest - to - goodness confession, you still went on missions together because no other Demon Hunter in your team could match his unique skills than you ( the others are just too brash and unrefined ). Of course, the first few weeks were very awkward. The two of you found it hard to look into each other's eyes and you barely talked to each other. The atmosphere around the two of you felt heavy and stiffling that you honestly regretted your decision to confess and ruin your decent friendship.

But, soon enough, after a few more days, you learned to move casually around him like before. You managed to maintain eye contact with him for a few minutes and regained your confidence to speak with him without feeling uncomfortable.

A few days after those torturous weeks, you learned to be yourself once more, despite the fact that you cried yourself to sleep for nights on end after his rejection.

Despite the fact that you tried to hide the bags under your eyes with heavy foundation,...

Despite the fact that you stopped listening to music entirely because every song, every lyric, every story, reminded you of him,...

Despite the fact that you were losing your appetite and that the others were beginning to notice your weight loss,...

Despite the fact the you hid all the hurt behind a smile while telling everyone that you're okay,...

Despite the fact that it hurt you even more to see him on a daily basis, reluctantly reminding yourself that you two were just not meant for each other and that you should move on.

...

And move on, you shall.

You were still in this one - sided painful loop of emotions that one cold and dreary day out in an unknown town with V for a mission when something truly unexpected happened.

You and V made your way to the only phone booth in town ( which was located in the middle of an almost empty road a few kilometers away from the next distinguishable establishment or building ) to call Nico and let her know that you successfully finished your mission.

As usual, V was the one who entered the booth to use the phone while you patiently waited outside.

Your back was turned against him all this time but, you suddenly felt an urge to look back at him like something, like an unknown force, pushed you to do it.

And there he was, actually staring at you as he talked to Nico on the phone. He had this strange look in his eyes and his eyebrows were furrowed as if he was deep in thought.

Your own eyebrows furrowed as well.

Was there something wrong?

However, you were not given the chance to muse about this any longer as rain started falling from the sky. You gasped and flinched with the sudden coldness, instinctively trying to cover your head with your hands as you made your way inside the booth. And as you entered, the cramped space did nothing but heighten the tension that V seemed to sense around you, and it actually made you very, very uncomfortable.

Well, there's no other way, right? He has to put up with the lack of space. After all, it would be for the last time -

"Who is Leon?"

At the sound of utter confusion and shock in his deep voice, you glanced up at the man who was only mere inches away from you.

"Oh, he's,..." you began, uncertain how he found out about Leon Kennedy. But, of course! Nico had to mention him to V. " ... my new partner. A high profile client from Europe has commissioned us to take on a top secret mission the day after tomorrow."

To those simple words you just uttered, V's eyes widened even more.

"So, you're,..." V began, his face getting darker by the second. "... you're coming back, right?"

Damn you for being such a big mouth, Nico!

You bit your lip, thinking it was no use to hide the secret from V any longer.

"V, I'm staying there. For good."

Silence. At first, you thought his stricken reaction would only be momentary, since he really didn't have any sort of connection to you to begin with, so there's actually no use in him even reacting, at all.

Until,...

"You're leaving and you never once told me while the others already know." He pressed on, his voice suspiciously getting darker and darker. Like he actually cared about you leaving him. "Why?"

You laughed nervously at his question, actually feeling kind of cornered that V was interrogating you this way like some kind of a criminal.

But, why even bother? You are nothing to him, and you knew that! You learned the hard way,...

"Aren't you happy that I'm finally getting a much better career opportunity?" You attempted to answer in a light - hearted, even jesting, tone, hoping, praying, for the gravity of your words to reach V. "I mean, me! The second rate Demon Hunter me finally getting a once in a lifetime chance to work at a better place! How cool is that?"

"You did not,... answer,... my question."

You slightly drew back at what you just witnessed. Somehow, V looked conflicted in some way. His eyes, which was giving you intense stares since that moment he talked to Nico on the phone, never left yours, and his posture looked more intimidating than ever before.

And he looked mad, and,... possibly hurt,... at the same time for some reason,...

You only sighed. "V, I see no reason to let you know. I mean, hey, at least you won't have to deal with my shit any longer."

"I never,... said,... you were shit."

Once again, you flinched at his words. "Don't make this any harder for the both of us. We both know this would happen any time, and you know this is inevitable."

To your utter shock and total fear, the man slammed a hand against the glass door of the booth mere inches away from the side of your face. Your shoulders tensed, your eyes closed, you were so confused as to what was going on between the two of you.

And so, so scared.

Why, V? Why?

"I' am making this harder for the both of us?!" You never heard V talk in such a way, and it honestly frightened you to the core. This is not the V you were used to. He was kind, and gentle, he was soft, and above all, understanding,...

But, all of those things were absent from him, and you honestly don't know anymore who you were talking with.

"Please, V, stop this - "

"Are you just escaping me, then?"

Your eyes snapped open, and when you finally looked at his eyes, you saw the hurt, the anguish, the torment in them.

There was no mistaking it.

He didn't want you to leave. At all.

"Maybe."

You flinched as another hand slammed on the door, this time on the opposite side. That's it, you were hopelessly trapped by the man.

By the man you still adored above all else.

"Why?!"

"I want to move on, V!" The words came out of your mouth ripped your heart apart, the gravity and truth in them hurting you and torturing you from the inside. "Every time I see you, my eyes sting. Every time I hear your voice, my chest hurts. Every time I see your face, my body goes weak. I thought I cried enough for you but, I was wrong! How stupid of me to think I was finally learning to move on but, no! As always, I'm wrong!"

"(Y/N),..."

"You listen: I want to go away from here, away from you, as far as possible! So I could learn to be myself again! So I could learn to enjoy the things I once loved! So I could learn to smile without getting hurt again!

"I love you so much, V. But, I know I mean nothing to you! I know you never cared! I know I'll never be good enough for you! I'm not worthy! And I don't want to impose my feelings for you any longer because then I know you would only drift away from me further until I could no longer reach you!

"So, please, let me go! Set the both of us free!"

"No."

"WHY?!"

The man's eyes finally started to glisten with the unshed tears that tortured him for weeks since that moment you confessed to him.

Of course he noticed how your eyes were always red and how they have huge bags under them. Of course he noticed how you stopped listening to music - the thing you adored so, so much. Of course he noticed how you were losing your vitality and not only your weight and appetite. Of course he knew that smile of yours was only a facade to hide your sadness.

Of course he knew you wanted to move on.

But, who could blame him for acting this way?

During the course of those three months since that infamous confession, a strange kind of emotion has awoken inside V. At first, he simply ignored this, since he assumed that what you were feeling for him was merely some kind of infatuation of some sort and nothing too deep.

However, as days passed, he began seeing more and more of you in a different light. For the first time in many days, he saw the gracefulness in your movements. He saw how you selflessly cared about others around you. He saw how you unconditionally showed kindness even to the lowest of beings that others might consider trash.

And, above all, he missed your little talks about yourself. He missed the sweet voice that greets his ears each morning whenever you sing to your favorite songs on the radio. He missed how you doted on him and him alone and how you ignored Dante's childish demands for attention, despite his twin brother being the clearly better man than him.

And he missed how you said you loved him and him alone.

And he damn wanted to hear you say those words to him once more.

But, you were leaving him. For good.

You would drift far away from him like a long lost childhood memory.

Then, you would learn to love another.

And this inevitability hurt him. Tore his heart apart.

And the pain was so fucking unbearable.

"Stay. Please." He pleaded, begged, you, his voice lowered and anguished.

To this, you simply shook your head.

"I have made my decision, and you have no choice but to understand and respect it."

"No!"

"Please, V! I beg you - "

And the sadness crept even closer to you as the man took hold of the back of your head and crashed his soft lips against yours, moving in a rushed and certain way that successfully conveyed the untold emotions he had for you.

You tried to push him away, to wake up from this wishful thinking that he's doing everything he can to not let you leave him. But, the gentle strokes of his hands against your back, those whispers of his that begged you to stay, those lips which were locked against yours in heated passion and deep longing that betrayed and conveyed his true feelings to you,...

... that warmth of his and those forbidden sensations it caused your body to have that slowly breached and destroyed the high defenses you put up for your poor and hurt little heart,...

Oh, God! Why?! Why are you falling all over again?!

"I love you,..." the man whispered as his lips softly brushed againts your now tear - stained cheeks. "I love you. I love you so,... so much."

"V,..."

The man cupped your cheeks and laid his forehead against yours, his eyes melting yours, finally making you cave in with his pleas.

"I know this is too selfish of me to ask, but,... I beg you,..." he whispered, his hot breath mixing against yours. "Please, do not,... leave me. Stay."

You closed your eyes, the action making you shed even more tears.

For how you could you refuse him now?

For all the things that happened between the of you for the last months,...

For all the things that unfolded between the two of you in that cramped and hot phone booth,...

Of course, you love him.

And you definitely couldn't leave him alone now.

Nico, who arrived a few moments ago with your luggage inside her van, witnessed everything. With a smug and proud smile on her lips for her two team mates, she dialled a number and waited.

"Hello?"

"Leon, it's me."

"Hey. What time will she arrive on the airport? I want to personally escort her, myself."

"I think that won't be necessary."

"Why is that?"

"Umm, I guess she found another,... a new,... leash on life. She's not going. I'm sorry."

"Oh. That's too bad. Then, I would let the President know. I guess I'll be going to Spain alone."

"Ah, yeah. Thanks, Leon."

"No problem."

"Don't let those zombies bite. And get the girl out."

"Will do."

***

🖤🖤🖤

***

[imnotcameraready]

Enjambment (chivalry au)

A/N: it’s the first not-main-story story!!!! wrote this while tryna figure out how to get from point a to point b, and it doesn’t really fit in with the story’s Flow, so it’s gonna be its own lil part! it’s also got a little bit more character building for the Playwright and the Artist, if anyone wanted that lm a o — they’re good bois, they’re just. really bad at being good bois. 

also i kNOW chapter 11 came out like, last night, but  ,. ., ., .. . ive had this sitting ready for literally a week ., ,. ,..  sorry for bombarding y’all with this au :’’D

WARNINGS: self-deprecation, self-hate, touch starved, threats, cursing/swearing, destruction of property, destruction of art (ewe)

Words: 2085

AO3 link to this story; AO3 link to chivalry’s main plot

MASTERPOST! <-- i dont think this story is understandable without reading the other parts, hence im plugging it so much  ; v; i’m sorry y’all ilu <3 

chivalry taglist: @starlightvirgil​ @forrestwyrm​ @daflangstlairde​ @marshmallow-the-panda​ @askthesnake​ @k9cat​ @patromlogil​

general tag: @jemthebookworm​

hope you enjoy!! <3 <3 <3 

The Playwright didn’t like admitting he was wrong. He often wasn’t. Having the position of an omniscient narrator meant he got to be right a lot, which was one of Roman’s favorite things.

But his argument with the Artist may not have been one of those “right” things. The Playwright leaned on the table, twirling a pencil absentmindedly as he contemplated. He wasn’t entirely wrong, no. The Artist had to keep in mind the safety of the other Sides. If anything happened to any of them, Thomas would be hurt, and Roman would riot. Every bit of him, except for…. The Playwright winced. On the other hand, this in-fighting was exactly what they should be countering. Sure, everyone disagreed and that was the purpose of this dismantling, but the Playwright was above these squabbles. Should be above them, figuratively, because in physical space, he very much was above them.

Apologizing would be the logical thing to do.

He sighed, rubbing his forehead. He didn’t enjoy entering the medieval town, didn’t like going deeper into the Imagination, but it seemed he would traverse there more often.

The sound of a paper flipping caught his attention. His eyes shot open as he looked around the room. No one was there.

But he’d definitely heard movement. The Playwright swallowed down his fear. “Hello?” he called out.

Nothing. None of the costumes had moved, none of the shoes or benches or any of his paperwork.

Wait, no, there was something. The Playwright moved a few scraps to the side and picked up an envelope. This hadn’t been there before.

Cordial invitation of Roman ‘Playwright’ Sanders to the Entry Gala — in celebration of Morality, Logic, Anxiety, and Deceit’s welcome to the Imagination.

The Playwright’s eyes widened. Oh, fuck.

He tore the envelope open and read its contents.

The Artist wept.

He ran his hand along the ruined canvas — ruined by his hand, torn open with his own knife and dirtied with his tears — and pressed it fast to his chest.

Why was he so mean? Why did it hurt so much, for his creations to be picked at like vultures and a carcass? Wasn’t that the point, wasn’t that how artists improved?

Ah, who was he kidding. He wasn’t a real artist at all. Just a name he’d selected when they first started this game.

The Artist was so wrapped up in his lamentations that he didn’t hear the soft sound of paper falling onto the floor beside him.

He shouted again, cradling the broken mess of canvas and wooden frames. All good artists got second opinions. No one was safe from criticism, and there was always room for improvement! He should know this, he DID know that, it was reasonable. But hearing it from the others always made him so anxious—

He sniffed, wiping his face with the paw of his sweatshirt. If he was falling apart this bad, it must mean he was losing this challenge thing. But thinking of anxiety and then, well, Anxiety, Virgil…. the Artist wished he’d gotten to meet the two, too. Like every other bit, he did love them.

The sound of debris being scattered, then a surprised yelp. The Artist sighed, curling up tighter. God fucking damnit.

“What—I’ve—Artist?!” the Playwright asked.

The Artist was sat against the wall, cradling a bundle of broken paintings to his chest, previously white sweater dirtied with layers upon layers of paint. All around him, every painting that has previously been neatly stacked in the room was torn to shreds. Broken pieces of wood and canvases halved were strewn around the room in piles, or one thick pile, with only a small circle of ground around the Artist. Sketchbooks were torn, even the drawing tablet was — okay, the Playwright wasn’t going to look at that and think of the physical monetary price, because none of this was real. Holy shit, the Artist had put a hole into the wall of his house. There was a hole? He’d punched a hole into the wall? Good heavens.

The Playwright, in an effort to not damage any of his art, accidentally appeared on top of one of the piles. He fell over, landing on his butt amongst the shreds, and looked around wildly.

“What happened?” he asked once he caught sight of the Artist’s frozen figure in the corner, still since he arrived, “Did Dragon—”

“They weren’t good enough, so I tore them up,” the Artist whispered into his own folded arms.

The Playwright’s brow pinched in worry. That had happened only a few times before, where a single work had been so terrible that the Artist ripped it to shreds in anger, but he’d never done….this. And he especially wouldn’t have done this, since he had numerous pieces he wanted to show the other Sides.

He drew in a breath as his mind filled in the gap.

“Oh, Artist, what did they say?” the Playwright whispered, pushing himself up and slowly making his way closer.

“Nothing. Get away.”

He grit his teeth. The Artist was going to be difficult, wasn’t he? Now, now, it wasn’t a good time to lose his temper. He came with a job to do, and he wasn’t cruel enough to leave the Artist to be upset alone. And he needed his help. This was purely logical.

He wanted to laugh. Being logical was so taxing; how did Logan do it all the time?

“Artist. I’m not leaving,” the Playwright sat in front of him, “I take it that Logic and Morality didn’t take well to your paintings?”

He glanced up at the Playwright, quick enough to now show an expression but slow enough that the Playwright caught a glimpse of his tearstained eyes.

“They–They said my art’s unfinished. Logic did.”

The Playwright frowned. “Wait. That’s it?”

The Artist curled up more, and the Playwright gently put a hand on his forearm. “Wait, wait, I didn’t mean it  judgy. I just….that’s something you’ve complained about, too.”

To that, the Artist shot him a small glare. When the Playwright put it like that, then the Artist’s reaction seemed childish. “Yeah, but,” he sighed, “I didn’t want them to say anything about it.”

“Then why didn’t you warn them about it?” the Playwright asked, confused.

“Look, I don’t–I don’t know!” the Artist tossed the painting he was cradling aside and ran his hands through his hair, “It all happened so fast, and Padre was getting mad at me for not letting Child stay here. It—they both got upset at me, and they interrupted my painting, and Padre kept hugging me and it felt weird.”

The Playwright exhaled. He put a mental pin on the hugging thing — a similar thing had happened to him the other day, and he would have to talk to the others about what may be occurring — and then scooted closer again, sitting beside the Artist.

“Seeing as I wasn’t there, I cannot speak to what your argument may have been about. But I know that Logic and Morality wouldn’t have wanted to intentionally harm us.”

“How do you know, Pencil pusher?” the Artist hissed, though his words held an emptiness that betrayed his disbelief.

“Because they wouldn’t. They’re calloused, but they wouldn’t hurt us. Maybe Prince.”

The Artist snorted. “You really hate that guy.”

The Playwright smiled. Good. He cleared his throat and threw up his hands in the Prince’s signature style. “Hoo hoo, look at me, I’m a Disney Prince and I like singing songs and being an idiot!” he said, mockingly emphasizing a mispronunciation of “Disney.”

That got the Artist to laugh, shoving the Playwright gently. “Hey, hey, Disney’s cool! I’ll defend Disney to the death,” he rubbed the back of his neck.

The tension returned, but only slightly. The Playwright didn’t want to push him, but he was a little impatient for the Artist to pull himself together. His feet gently tapped against the ground in a small, familiar tune.

After what seemed like ages, the Artist let out a breath.

“....I did….overreact. A little,” he said. “The knife was too much.”

“A lot. Wait, did you say knife?”

“Yeah. I, um, I lost it a little.” He rubbed the back of his head again, looking up at the Playwright. “Thank you for sitting with me.”

The Playwright smiled. Wonderful. He patted the Artist’s arm comfortingly. “If I cannot comfort myself, then what am I doing?”

They both shared a small chuckle at that. It was easy to forget that they were two parts of a much more cohesive whole.

It was also easy to forget that the Playwright had something else he wanted to ask. He clapped, sitting upright and startling the Artist.

“Sorry,” he put his hands up, eyes blazing with new worry, “I actually came to ask something else — did you get invited to the party?”

The Artist’s brow furrowed. “The….party? No?”

“Oh, come, you must have,” the Playwright looked around.

The same envelope he’d received prior was sitting beside the Artist, on top of some of the ruined paintings. He picked it up and found two more envelopes beneath. “Great Ben Jonson, you got Logic and Morality’s invitations, too,” the Playwright flipped through the three cards and handed the one addressed to the Artist, to the Artist. “You must not have noticed it earlier. I got a letter similar, this morning. From Dragon.”

“From Dragon? Fuck, how’d he find us?” the Artist read the front and flipped it over again, tearing it open.

“I don’t know. Perhaps he just sent it to the location of whoever said Logic’s name last night. I also don’t know how he got backstage to deliver mine,” the Playwright read over his shoulder, “I honestly came here hoping to find the other Sides. We need to warn them.”

“We do? About what?” the Artist shot him a frown, but the Playwright just gestured to the paper, so he read the invitation.

His eyes scanned through it once. His body slowly tense as he realized what was being asked, and he flipped it over, checking all around the letter and the envelope that there wasn’t more.

“This,” the Artist reread the letter once more before lowering it and staring, stricken, at the Playwright, “This is a fucked up joke, right? Like, it’s gotta be a joke. Dragon’s Disney pranking us, without friends.”

“I don’t want to hazard that,” the Playwright stood up and motioned for the Artist to get up, “We need to find the others and warn them. If Logic and Morality’s invitations are here, then they must not know, and it’s a safe bet that if they don’t know, then Anxiety and Deceit don’t know, either.”

The Artist pushed himself up, rolling his sleeves up and wiping his face slowly. “He wouldn’t hurt them,” he mumbled. “Why’s he mentioning Prince, too?”

“I don’t know. And after what he did to Damsel?” The Artist rolled his eyes as the Playwright continued, “I don’t think Dragon would hesitate to hurt them, and he’s using the concept of Prince as bait.”

Goddamnit, he was probably right. The Artist rubbed his eyes and fixed his glasses. “Alright. I just,” God, he was hideous. “Should I change?”

The Playwright squinted. “Have you not left your house since this all started?”

“No,” the Artist looked at him like he was stupid, “Why would I?”

Alright. Alright, this was a predicament. The Playwright blew out a lot of air, eyebrows raising as he tried to figure out, in the most concise way, he could tell the Artist that he wanted to throttle him. His attire was absolutely not correct for the setting that they’d established, and he couldn’t fathom WHY the Artist wanted to parade around a medieval town looking like THAT.

No, you know what? It was fine. Sleep was walking around in a leather jacket, it’s FINE. Perhaps the Playwright was the only one who cared about the sanctity of the setting.

Meanwhile, the Artist looked around and waved his hand. The torn paintings all disappeared, leaving the room empty, looking larger than ever. The hole in the wall faded away, establishing itself as a solid wall once more. He looked down at his outfit and simply wiped it, the paint stains all disappearing as his hand passed over them, revealing a creamy-white color once more.

“That’s good enough,” the Playwright snapped, grabbing a fist of his shirt and tugging him forward, “Come on.”

[gaygwenpool]

give me literally All Headcanon for that post for Mysterio p l e a s e (also, for the one of my choosing, whether or not you hc he commentates movies while watching them or insists on ABSOLUTE SILENCE)

:D!!! my sweet boy, BLESS you nonnie! 

◉ whether or not you hc he commentates movies while watching them or insists on ABSOLUTE SILENCE IS A FANTASTIC QUESTION IVE BEEN LITERALLY LAUGHIN ABOUT IT ALL DAY THANK YOU

   Both actually! if you try to comment on the plot or react to an actor, immediately you get rudely shushed with the most scorching glare because how DARE you, focus on the ~ART~ you heathen!!! but also the Moment a slightly more advanced special effect takes place, he is all hoppin on his seat excitedly explaining how it’s done and how genius that is, how would he improve on it and how another movie dealt with it, the dialogue for the big plot reveal goin on the screen be damned :’D Also as the movie advances, he starts gettin more and more into long passionate rants either complaining about the lack/surfeit of respect the creators got, how arrogant this one actor is and how he doesnt respect his cues and so on….. lots of the stuff he says is actually pretty interesting but yeah, if you counted on just enjoying the movie, tough luck 

   He really likes watchin movies with people but prefers to see the movie first on his own at least once, to really focus on it. Often, he will watch a movie in the livin room while others do their own thing and he will comment on the good scenes, however if you agreed to actually watch somethin with him and got distracted during screening or worse, was on your phone?? you are dead to him. (and you can expect some …unpleasant surprises in the upcoming days)   

im gonna put the rest under the readmore cuz this is gettin long ^^;;

[ask meme]

☾ - sleep headcanon

Beck is the UGLIEST sleeper, he is the worst. He snores loudly, drools, moves, KICKS, mumbles and has the most vivid wildest dreams. (it happens rarely but sometimes he’ll dream about somethin, wake up and for a while be convinced it actually happened, you know like when you dream about arguing with your friend and being mad at them the next day etc) On the other hand, sometimes, all his features relax, he loses the scowl and looks surprisingly peaceful and happy… oh and he hogs the blanket.  

His sleep schedule is a fuckin mess, he is able to go like the whole week on few hours of sleep total when he is workin on a project but other days he gets grumpy if he doesnt get his 10h of beauty sleep every night.. 

★ - sad headcanon

uhhh i dont actually have much sad stuff for this boy yet, he brings me so much joy that i dont have the heart for that :’’’D (also i like him and chameleon team ups and Dmitri brings enough angst to the table for the both of them)

He really actually died that one time and went to hell (though in Patchwork, im not gonna keep everythin about that Daredevil plot, i really like Mysti being dangerous and actually a worthy opponent but most of it was too fucked up for my tastes…) and well… it wasnt great :’D  it mostly targeted his insecurities about his own talent he buried so deep he almost stopped believing them, the lack of respect and recognition and him willingly throwing away any chance he had at those by becoming Mysterio and of course everything that happened with his ex Brick Johnson…

☆ - happy headcanon

blease consider: autistic Quentin !!!!!!

☠ - angry/violent headcanon

he doesnt have a hair trigger temper like Ock or Electro but Damn does this boy holds grudges over literally everything :’D lots of overcomplicated, carefully crafted revenge plots just for eating the last yogurt in the fridge… He gets frustrated easily, getting snappy and rude, especially if people are not listening to him, but it’s often about the pettiest things, the bigger stuff doesnt affect him as much.  

He doesnt enjoy violence for the sake of violence but he is not above it either, everythin is allowed for his big performance…… he can be quite a good n friendly boss if you listen to his orders and work well but can just as much set you up to die in an explosion, all while smiling and patting you on the back… 

✿ - Sex headcanon

my Mysterio is gay as hell but also somewhere on the ace spectrum… not sex-repulsed but definitely not a high drive either (he feels oddly smug about that, like look at those fools trying to get into each others’ pants, how pathetic, *I* in the meantime have time for things that Truly matter, like recreating every Xmen battle ever with only straws and gum.) 

■ -  Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon

listen, i basically grew up on those “the entire villain team lives in a single place - shenanigans ensue” fics so im not givin up on the Sinister Six HQ, okay. (Chameleon usually finds them a suitable house with enough rooms, as luxurious as their current fonds allow, and he prides himself in putting in lil personal touches that he knows the sin six members would enjoy, for Quentin it’s often very obscure movies, rare memorabilia from his favorite ones, stuff for his illusions, a stolen Oscar…) 

 When these are unavailable (aka superheroes got them busted) or when he aint in the middle of a crime job, he usually stays at one of the Cham’s safehouses (with or without him) and in a few of them, he already has his own dedicated room with some of his fav old tricks on display. Speakin of which, he has a BIG warehouse with most of his setups and stages or at least models. He doesnt really plan on reusing them but he likes having them all together 

♡ - romantic headcanon

((jakjgkfajga im a loser and ended up shippin him with Chameleon and everythin i’ve thought off so far is EMBARRASSING AND CHEESY AS FUCK :’’’’D so im gonna leave those for another time))

Beck being an Extra Bitch he is, lives for the Big Romantic Gestures like in the movies and he often gets so caught up in the prep he.. kinda disregards the person he was makin it for, the making of the effect means more for him than  the actual sentiment behind it… 

(ok maybe One mysteleon hc, while it pains him, Quentin knows Chammy Would Not Enjoy being a target of such grand display… he gotta be more subtle, creating a scene where he could play in disguise and dupe some superheroes mayhaps…) 

♥ - family headcanon

like 99% of the villains and their grandma, his family wasnt great, mum left when he was very young with another guy, his dad considered his passion for movies a great waste of time and let lil Quentin know how disappointed he was at every occasion both vocally and physically.. After the first few broken models and ripped tapes with stop animations that took weeks to complete, Quentin stopped tryin to impress and convince his father about the greatness of special effects.. He joined a boxing club and learnt some other martial arts but as soon as he could, he left to join a proper film school which led to his father dropping both financing and all contact with him. 

☮ - friendship headcanon

Im not even gonna start about Chameleon’s and Mysterio’s friendship because that shit is canon and i cry about it on a daily basis. 

Despite his penchant for Dramatics, the constant Need for Validation and Backstabbing and other Throwing Shit in the Fan just cuz it was narratively better, Quentin actually has quite a few friends? He gets along quite well with everyone from the Sin Six and many other villains and even has some ‘normie’ pals from the film industry or just neighborhood… 

One of his most surprising is actually Doc Ock with whom he gets along even outside of business partners/partners in crime basis. Though maybe not so surprising, Mysterio is quite vocal with his praises when he feels like they are deserved and Doc as well actually admires and recognizes Beck’s talent while it is still enough specific for him not to feel threatened in his superiority (once he tried to improve them and show them to Quentin with his usual arrogance and flair and that was the biggest fight they ever had and they werent on speaking terms for a loooong while after that… Oct cant stand not having the last word so he still modified some of Mysterio’s tricks even after that but he actually cares about their friendship enough to not tell Mysti about it.. Not like he would ever admit that to Quentin’s fishbowl face) 

♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon

like 99% of everythin Mysti does is Somehow related to special effects/film or the Drama in general but my boy is a nerd in general, theater, books, comics, manga, roleplaying games, you name it. He especially likes flashy stuff obviously. 

He really enjoys learning new techniques and figuring out how to make something happen. When he was younger, he was viciously against CGI but later he started to sorta respect it as its own category that needs talent and effort… he still prefers to use the traditional techniques of course :’D (…as traditional as HYPNOTIZING PEOPLE WITH NEURAL GAZ IS) 

☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon

He has a very Complicated relationship with the film industry……. on the one hand, he loves the behind the scenes, the rush, the Action…. but on the other hand, he hates it with a fiery passion, everythin from how you get treated like dirt and the pretentious prizes being awarded just for the Big names and hollywood and everythin turning around the money an-…., he has a very long list and it is alphabetized. (While he has a point for many of those complaints, the fact HE himself never got any pretentious award remains probably the main issue…) 

he absolutely despises people making fun of D-grade shitty movies in the “this shitty horror is so cheesy and dumb it’s funny and i love it” way, either because the people workin on it were good and trying their best but the money or the producers etc ruined it (his experience) and then it’s an unfair critique or because the creators just didnt try hard enough and that’s even worse in his books and this movie should not get Any Attention much less a positive one.. 

he likes complaining and being snarky :’D he enjoys the challenge Spidey sets for them and loves playing tag with him (even when he loses..) He loves the prep before his big shows both alone or with help, the adrenalin when actually pulling it off and when he discusses it with Cham in details. He lives for the applause and recognition and ~Fame~ 

▼ - childhood headcanon

not as much as hc as adopting the Webspinners’ aproach: he spent most of his childhood daydreaming, hiding himself behind the stories and special effects….. not many friends aside from Betsy but he didnt really need them, he wanted audience not pals.. In the film school he started to be more social and communicative, he met Brick there and they started goin out… 

∇ -. old age/aging headcanon

hhhhh im conflicted, there are like 3 comics where Q is retired because he has enough of superheroes beating him up and he Really doesnt want to go back to it.. I cant see him actually givin up on it totally tho… idk idk

♒ - cooking/food headcanon

Like with sleep, it oscillates wildly. He can forget to eat when he is hypefocusin on a particular project (one single chip suffices as nourishment) or he just subsides on ramen for a month but on the other hand he is quite a capable cook. Nothing Extraordinary but he can make enough diverse simple meals. When livin with Chammy, they both enjoy eating out so they do that as much as the budget allows (so not that much, illusions arent cheap…) 

☼ - appearance headcanon

im still thinkin about that one post that described Quentin as a “toenail of a man” and i couldnt agree more :’D very short, pig nose, hairstyle à la Spock, stocky built and weirdly beefy, like this guy’s thigh is bigger than some heads… (for a nerd he is surprisingly strong what the fuck) 

All Mysterios are Good Mysterios but my preferred ones have a bigass ROUND fishbowl, the longest cape and somethin as a belt, preferably sash.. 

ൠ - random headcanon

he actually isnt….. that great of an actor nor director nor creator………………….. (im sorry baby i love you but it’s tru….) he unconsciously copies a lot of stuff he has seen elsewhere, he follows overused tropes, his work is packed with cliches and cheesy over the top pathos… his special effects mastery n creativity with workin out his illusions is absolutely INCREDIBLE dont get me wrong, it’s just… the plot/ideas……..  at first he lived in denial about this still believing 100% his work is Wonderful and Perfect and he is just a misunderstood author… later he decided to embrace it and he is livin the life now :D

[nspx]

a non-cohesive rambling post about tlj

buckle in boys because what the fuck

also. spoilers. so many spoilers

right so i’ve been reading some posts and mainly it’s all ‘rian johnson u asshole’ and ‘star wars is ruined forever’ BUT i dont think it is?? not completely anyway?

i thought the movie was. good? i mean. coming out of the theater i thought to myself i like this, it’s fine. and it is fine, but not. not it, you know? it had its ups and downs and honestly im surprised it’s getting so much hate, because i actually kind of. liked it? but there was some bullshit, yall 

l u k e s k y w a l k e r

my sweet son what did the bad man do to you?? i mean. i. i??? 

LUKE “THERE IS STILL GOOD IN YOU, I CAN SENSE IT” SKYWALKER TRIED TO KILL HIS OWN NEPHEW???? BECAUSE HE WAS AFRAID OF HIS POWER??? THE LUKE THAT T H R E W AWAY HIS LIGHTSABER IN FRONT OF THE EMPEROR BECAUSE HE //BELIEVED// IN HIS FATHER??? TRIED TO KILL A TEENAGE BOY - HIS FLESH AND BLOOD!!!!! - IN HIS SLEEP??

right, so. i believe that luke is a nuanced character with flaws. and i believe that there have been times when he struggled with his own grasp of light and dark, this being one of these times. but?? trying to murder his nephew??? 

during the movie i thought that maybe luke looking into ben’s darkness made him fall into his own a little bit? because i just don’t see luke that way. luke always believed in the good in people. he saw the good in vader - v a d e r - who was so far gone he didn’t even believe it himself anymore. and you’re telling me he truly didn’t believe kylo could be saved? or even helped? that he deserved to die, even if he believed this just for a moment?

other than that. i found luke had his good moments in the film as well. using the force to trick kylo, so that the rebellion had time to escape. or the beautiful moment where luke was looking at the sunset, the end of his journey in parallel to the sunset in anh, the beginning of his journey. pure poetry. a+

sitting with yoda and watching the tree burn? turning into a force ghost? threatening to haunt kylo forever?

leia and luke sitting down together? luke kissing leia on the forehead? good shit

but. the scene with luke squeezing milk out of that creatures tits and drinking it savagely. i... that could’ve been avoided. i mean. it did make rey see that she didn’t necessarily find what she had been looking for, but? honestly this movie disrespected my son, luke skywalker, so bad but also. the scene where he wiped nonexistent dust off his shoulder? such a badass move

(”see you around, kid” my soul descended from this astral plane to another, i love u luke)

snoke 

what the fuck

what the fuck what kind of bullshit. hes so weak. hes such a bullshit character, honestly. general grievous would’ve eaten him for breakfast and grievous is a pussy bitch. he wouldn’t have survived a day in the clone wars. palpatine would’ve projected his ass into the cold reaches of the galaxy with a mere look. fuck this snoke guy how am i supposed to take him seriously

that dumb speech?? fuck that guy. seeing him die was cathartic but at the same time anticlimactic cuz like?? too easy. -12/10 villian

onto the next point

K Y L O R E N 

or should i say, ben solo? who even are you kylo? make up your damn mind

like. you want to be good but you also kinda wanna be the leader of a new fascist government. you kinda love rey but also?? ‘you’re nothing’ MMMMM i think the fuck not boy “but not to me” nice save loser

honestly..... i have such a love hate relationship with kylo. because the way this movie was set up and what r*an did to luke.... u kinda see that he made it so that everyone just knows that.... LUKE FAILED KYLO OK. he truly did. luke was afraid of ben and he could never truly offer him the support that he needed because /fear/ *cue to yoda cackling like a maniac (what the fuck was that all about, also)* drove him to madness, i guess?

but then again kylo also burned everything down right after he collapsed a whole building on his uncle and went on a 10 year long murderous rampage, so? how am i supposed to defend u kylo get it together already

BUT THENNNN, like. this snoke character manipulated him all along? that doesn’t excuse kylo’s actions but ya know. hm. idk. all snoke did was abuse kylo and then he was like “ah my shining beautiful strong apprentice i have always believed in you”. what the fuck. at least be a little intimidating. 

honestly kylo should’ve just clocked him in the face with his dumb fucking mask instead of ruining the elevator, what a missed opportunity and waste of resources

kylo ren/rey

honestly. i mean. im not here for or against this ship. because i see both sides of it (like, kylo is a murderous asshole that abused rey and murdered millions, but also - redemption arc? i love a redemption arc bitcc fuck me up)

personally i’m less interested in their ~love bond than i am in their force bond because it’s so fucking epic, my dudes. e p i c 

we always had anakin or luke as these two all-powerful people that carried the entire balance of the force by themselves but now we have two people, so completely different and y e t they r two halves of one whole and i love that so much

they’re both incredibly strong. i like that there is both light and dark in both of them. they complete each other. i don’t see their ~relationship happening tbh like we won’t get an anidala level of romance, i just think this force bound destiny thing is an interesting idea

their long distance skype call force connection? loves it, the force is magical

(”you’re not alone” “neither are you” i cannot believe. i cannot believe. “can you cover yourself up” *crickets* i’m dead)

rey’s parentage

mmmm. i keep seeing people complain she isn’t a skywalker. i was 100% sure she was but now i’m kinda glad she isn’t? the force sure loves her tragic desert children

she came from nothing but now she’s the very last jedi, the last hope for the galaxy, and i LOVE THAT. 

the rebellion

ok. ok. i am devastated

the rebellion truly did lose so much in this movie. sooo much. i’m crying. what for? was that necessary? 

and poe? my son. i love him. general hugs? i cried laughing. my son

but whaaat the fuck was the deal with admiral purple hair? ever heard of communicating like a normal person? like, telling poe what she was planning would’ve saved them sooo much bullshit? but telling poe would’ve cut the movie in half sooo

so many lives were lost because?? felt like really no reason at all, just miscommunication and people - the good guys - fighting each other?? it was sooo unsettling

like. so much of this movie i felt like the characters started out doing one thing and in the middle of the writing process the writers were like mmm no wait let’s go in a completely different direction which has 0 to do with anything at all yes brilliant

but then poe’s speech at the end? the last of the rebellion all together in the falcon? there is hope there is always h o p e 

honorary mention

general hugs 

i hate him but also kinda. respect him? he’s an asshole but he was ready to shoot kylo ren, he was ready to go

other things i found (REALLY!!) bothersome

the lack of finnrey

the lack of finnpoe

just the mains interacting?? 

things i really liked

rose!! and her sister!! their backstory was so touching! also, rose is force sensitive and so is finn. don’t fight me on this. did you see the bond between rose and animals? a ~force bond. d o n t fight me.

l e i a - i cried, ugh. this really was her movie

the humor!! this really was a funny movie

the cinematography - some of the shots really were breath taking

i saw a lot of little tidbits alluding to the other sw movies and also other sci fi movies, i liked that

THE KIDS IN THE CITY!!! 

THE LITTLE BOY AT THE END!!! HE’S FORCE SENSITIVE!! THE JEDI WILL COME BACK THEY WILL COME BACK THEY ALWAYS COME BACK!! loves it

the Force (leia surviving space? luke projecting himself all the way to a random ass planet? LUKE OPENING HIMSELF UP TO THE FORCE AGAIN? HOW REY IS SO POWERFUL SHE CRACKED OPEN THE ISLAND?? i love. the force loves all of her children and will go to ridiculous lengths to make sure they stay alive)

anway i’ll be screaming about this movie for a month despite all of its flaws have a good night

[creamfessions]

unfiltered rant to a girl i fell in love with a year ago today. 9:26 pm,1-19-20

I miss you. God, I miss you so much. A year ago, I knew. A whole year has passed since the day I knew I wanted to be with you. And here we are, hundreds of miles apart and you thinking I hate you, and vice versa.

I have so fucking much to say and I know you don’t give a damn about any of it. So I’m saying it here.

I don’t know why I’m like this. Im selfish, Im arrogant, Im impulsive, Im immature, Im rude, i never think before i speak, im stupid, im alone, and im sorry. I am so, so, so sorry, A. I’m so fucking sorry. It sounds sarcastic and ingenuine but oh my god, I have no way to express the guilt I feel about everything. You should never have had to deal with me and I could have done so much more to treat you better and I wish upon all the fucking stars in the stupid fucking sky that I could go back in time and fix everything. But i can’t, and it’s killing me. It hurts so fucking much, every day that oasses and yet here you are still on my mind like in may of last year, before your trip to europe. I still have your gifts. The music box, the bracelets, etc. I still have the paintings you gave me for my birthday. The paintings I kept on my wall for months because they made me happy just to look at them. To know I was loved enough for you to take so much time and work on them even through your busy schedule. You have no idea how much those paintings mean to me, even now.

I never saw how much you loved me until it was far too late. the card you gave me on my birthday, the times you would come to my shows, the times you would visit me even though i was a 45 minute one way trip from your house. i didnt deserve you then, and i sure as hell dont now. you were so fucking good to me and i never appreciated it enough. funny though, i always found it odd how often you would do things for me and i didnt even notice. you put so much more effort into us than i ever saw, and im sure theres more to your side of the story than i will ever possibly know. you were never very open and i wish that wouldnt have been the case. but then you wouldnt have been you, and i love you.

yeah, i love you. immensely, more than anything else in this world. i wanted to marry you. crazy i know, given my stance on marriage. i just... you were really special to me. you made me feel things i never thought i could feel or would ever feel again. you taught me to be more myself and to enjoy life. you made me actually get excited for the days to come, because i had you. i was ready to take on whatever obstacles came my way because i figured no matter what, i would still have you by my side. and i fucking ruined everything.

i remembered why i got mad at you in the first place, A. it was when you told me you were gonna be someone else’s sugar baby when we were going to be talking about our relationship just weeks later. so i cut you off, thinking you had been entirely over me and i was extremely hurt. it felt like a blade in my heart, not to sound cheesy but it literally felt like i had been stabbed. so i was trying to forget you.

i want to go away from the previous points and explain some things. after i left my dad’s, i think we both know i wasnt myself. something changed. i was living this fantasy of “im an adult and i have everything under control”. and to be quite honest, that was absolutely the opposite. i was getting high or drunk every day to try and cope with the existential dread and the reality of things that i refused to face. thats not what an adult is. because i wasnt an adult. i was 17 and in love and had this horrible dream that i was hopelessly following. there was no logic for my actions. there was no excuse. i was acting like a child. and you didnt deserve to go through all of that. i really fucked everything up and i feel... awful. there are no words to express the guilt, the sorrow, the regret, the yearning-- i can hardly comprehend it to try and indirectly tell you through this dead forum site that no one even fucking uses anymore. im fucking stupid and you deserved so much better than a small town, pop punk stoner who never amounted to anything in life to begin with, let alone when he thought he did after he lived with D and V. i have a lot of growing up to do. and i have a lot of mistakes to learn from.

you dont even want to talk to me anymore. youre seeing someone else. youre already forgetting about me and pretending i didnt exist. and i really cant say that i blame you. no one can, youre doing the smart thing. as much as i love you and i miss you and want to be with you again more than anything else i have ever felt any of those things towards in my 18 years, you should probably stay away for your own good. im not even washed up or has been. i never even was. im pointless to even exist, let alone try to get you back. youre actually smart, so theres no way youd be dumb enough to even consider giving someone like me a second chance. i cry every goddamn day hoping youll text me or that ill wake up and this was all one giant nightmare but i know that what happened is real and i can never take it back or make up for it. im a fraud. im a fucking failure. the only way i can ever amount to something is if i take myself out and use my body to fertilize plants. you were a genius to move on. you really were. and im sorry i ever put you through being involved in my life. im so sorry, A. i hope one day you can forgive me, but i dont even deserve the consideration of forgiveness. 

i hope your new cheesepuff treats you as well as i should have. you deserve it, princess.

[hpzen1805]

So, it's been a crazy ride these last few weeks.

Work was geting bad again, my supervisor (who has made a point to tell me that she's my colleague, not my supervisor, despite the fact that she runs the attorney's entire practice and requires that all work product be reviewed by her) started being horrible to me again. And it took this crazy thing and talking it over with my partner to realize that she's been gaslighting me this whole time.

Fun.

Things were getting bad and I was super stressed and not doing well at all (things were like when I started high school; I would wake up feeling sick to my stomach and almost vomit every morning because that's how my body deals with stress. Fun, right?)

But I had this class for work that was out of the office with my old senior paralegal, and it turned out to be just what I needed. She kind of knew what was going on already because she and I keep in contact, but we were able to actually talk about what was going on with both of us. I told her about the craziness at work and she told me how amazing her new office is. She also made a point to tell me that they were hiring and that she had talked me up so well that they wanted to see my resume. I didn't think it was going to go anywhere, but I needed some hope, so I agreed to send it to her.

At the class, I realized just how little these people who supposedly "wanted to teach me" about my field had really been keeping from me. The class went over things that I had been told were too advanced for me so simply that I found out that there was a whole exemption that we were utilizing that I had never been told about and which made the calculations that I had been struggling with make so much more sense. Of course, when I had done those calculations, I had been given a wkrd processing sheet to work with, and no explanation of why each part did what it did or what was supposed to be used to accomplish it. When I was told I did it wrong, the explanation was that "[I] couldn't know that because it comes with experience".

No. It comes from someone actually explaining shit. Just saying.

Anyway, my friend got me an interview, and it went really well. I had an offer within the week, and with how stressed my coworkers' behavior was making me, I was more than happy to accept. However, I still felt like I owed that place some modicum of loyalty (hey, I'd been there for a year and - as ive found out is like all gaslighters - things didn't always seem horrible; sometimes they were nice to me and let me hear them shit-talk others so that I knew what they did behind my back) I felt like I should give a months notice to do right by them.

So I signed my offer letter, gave a months notice, and started working with my non-supervisor to organize the tasks that I had and figure out what I could accomplish before I left.

Weird thing, though: when I gave notice, the attorney wasn't there, and my non-supervisor had always said to tell her first if we were leaving so she could "make things easier with [the boss]", so I did. She was very nice about it and said they would support my decision.

Then she asked where I was going, which I had purposely not said because another former employee worked there and I didn't want to make things weird or give them an opening to try and bad-mouth me (I don't trust people who smile and make polite chit-chat with someone and immediately start talking shit about them the second they leave the room, sorry not sorry). I told her that I didn't want to say because I wanted to avoid any awkward situations. This was her response:

"Why? It'll be more awkward if you're not upfront with us. We need to know in case there's a conflict. If there's a conflict [the boss] will only want you to stay two weeks, but if there isn't, she'll take the whole month. "

I - like a dumbass - was startled into telling her because it sounded legit. Come to find out from my friend at the new place that it was total bullshit, and they were just being nosy. Apparently, when the last girl from our firm left for my new firm, they called to talk to the hiring attorney about her (idk what they said, but my friend basically told me that the attorney knew better than to listen to them).

Anyway, I was ready to stick out the month and blow through my task list as fast as I could. I mean, I was super into it! I wanted to do the best I could because im a firm believer in kill 'em with kindness. Seriously, my motto is "I am a ray of goddamn sunshine and everyone Will Fucking Know It". So when I went in on Tuesday, I was ready to get down to business (to defeat... the tasks? Idk, it's late, and I'm loopy). And my supervisor had seemed like she was really supportive on monday when I told her, so I thought things would go relatively smoothly.

I was so wrong.

I went into our planning meeting, and it was like I was transported back three weeks; every little thing I did or said was scrutinized and found wrong, she was annoyed by all the tasks I had that she had told me to push back, and she decided she wanted to finalize 7 of my tasks that day. Since 5 had been reviewed BY HER before, I was hoping it wouldn't be too bad.

It was.

I had made all the updates that she asked, but she found further fault with the product that she had previously overlooked, and of course, it was my fault. So I tried to fix things and get them done, but by this time, her passive-aggressive attitude and constant sighing to express her "boredom" (something she's explained before as a reaction to "people not doing things the way she wants them done quickly enough"; that's a story for another day) was really fucking with my stress levels. There was also a thing with some documents that I didn't have, which I had asked her about weeks before, and she had said that the client had kept them and we had just kept scans after the meeting; that day, she wanted to know why I didn't have them, and I reminded her of that conversation; she got mad and said that I should have them and started asking when I had last had them (I never had them) and then went to check her office. Lo and behold! They were in her office! Who woulda thunk?! Then she proceeded to tell me that it was my fault for not getting them from her and that she never told me the client kept them becuase they would never keep them (which I had pointed out was weird when we talked about it and she assured me it was a rushed decision and out kf the norm).

Basically, the whole day was a shit-show in a hell-hole with my own personal torturer who specializes in emotional fuckery.

So I went in on Wednesday after almost puking when I woke up. After crying out of frustration to my partner the night before. After talking to my partner and my parents and being told by all of them that I could, in fact, just leave if I wanted to, and that the stuff my supervisor was doing was super shady (forcing me to tell her where I was going to work, and telling me not to tell hr because the boss would want to do it "on her own terms" because of the bad relationship between her practice and the main branch of the firm).

And after all of that, I came in to a rude response to my check-out email (which was in response to a rude reminder that I had to send one "EVERYDAY before I leave") and a passive aggressive note written in all caps on a post it that a new task was an ASAP and that I needed to see her IMMEDIATELY when I finished it.

And I snapped.

I sent an email to hr giving my notice and saying that I didn't want to upset my boss, so if she hadn't sent it over Please dont tell her I did. I got a very concerned response, and an offer to talk if I needed it. I went to themorning meeting with our practice grouo and made polite small talk with my supervisor, who was using the same voice on me that she uses on the associate attorneys that she thinks are stupid and doesn't like, but has to be nice to. And at that point, I was Done.

I went back to the office and finished the ASAP. I finished my admin stuff that had been lingering. I cleaned up my desk and updated my task list. I checked that my shelves were organized. I gathered up any research that I had done that didn't have client names on it, any notes I had without client names, and any personal items I had. And I left.

Well, first I gave her the asap and said I almost threw up (which I had in the midst of organizing) and that I needed to go home. (The response was: "Leave what you have in my box and hand flap to suggest leaving". Because, since she works while sick or giving birth, everyone else is expected to as well, and if you don't, you're weak and beneath her)

Then, I went to hr and explained what had been going on. I was so stressed that I cried again (luckily, not much, cuz I hate crying in front of anyone, but especially in a professional setting), but she was super nice about it and asked what I would like to do. I said that I wanted to cut my notice to the usual two weeks, and use my sick and vacation time to cover that week and a half that I had left. I just couldn't do it anymore, and my partner's voice was in the back of my head "You gave your notice. They can't fire you, and you don't have to take their crap.", along with my mom's voice telling me "The only one stopping you, is you." And the hr lady said I could!

So I left.

And I feel SO MUCH BETTER.

Am I still worried that they'll bad mouth me to my new firm and ruin my reputation with the attorneys at their firm? Yes.

Am I super nervous about starting a new job? Fuck yes, I am.

But I am out of that toxic place, and I have a new opportunity to do the best I can with my life.

And I am so grateful for that. I am so grateful for the people I have in my life. And I'm even grateful for what those people did, because I can learn from it, and I can grow as a person so that I am NEVER LIKE THEM.

So, if you've made it this far, I'm sorry for the rant, but also: Please don't give up. It may seem like you're in a horrible situation, but you CAN find a way out. Talk to people, don't be afraid that you're bothering them. Or do it anyway, because guess what? You Deserve Better. Even if someone (including yourself) is telling you that you don't. You Deserve Better. And if you feel like no one believes in you, or you can't do it? I believe in you. And I know you can do it. If I can, anyone can.

Please, don't give up.