#im so fucking excited and hsppy
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just a week away!!!!!!
#arcane league of legends#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane lol#arcane s2#arcane series#arcane netflix#arcane show#im so fucking excited and hsppy#this is really happening and not my imagination#holy shit man#this took too long to make
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guess who's going to PRIDE bitches
#rox rumblings#me things#edited to add my thoughts:#im super excited! im so hsppy i live in a big big city rn#they have PRIDE they have a MUSIC FESTIVAL GOING ON they have DRAG SHOWS im so fuckin excited#my family told me they highly doubt anything will happen and part of me wants to knock his teeth out for saying that but. yk.#that's how family is sometimes... still leagues better than the sperm donor#also my brother graduated and i got to watch from a livestream <3<3<3#i'm having such a good run of luck after all this bad shit i'm running on a high a little#i'm not MANIC but. it's nice. i feel free.#i'm gonna pick out something cute. maybe do some face painting. do my makeup a lil... spray on sunscreen and bug repellant#pack a hefty flashlight and my pepper spray. pack some protein bars probably.... i don't eat enough protein so#physical activity gets me lightheaded and shaky very easily#i plan on linking up with someone's mom or smth. someone i don't know but in a group yk. since i'm arriving alone#. oh fuck i could get someone's number . .#OH FUCK I COULD GET SOMEONE'S NUMBER..... SHIT......... GOD...#i am a gay disaster that realization shouldn't have hit me as hard as it did.#but the thought of someone- someone i'm actually INTERESTED in- who looks like ME and is like ME flirting with me irl- bowls me over#looks like me as in. yk. visibly lgbtq yk? at least there...#i can pass fine and i have petite white woman privledges but. that's aside from the point#i am having various other thoughts but it's late at night i don't want to get too worked up nd then not be able to sleep!!#it's on the 17th in the afternoon about a 15 minute drive away <3#i'm gonna have to pack SO much water and food..........
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not gonna write abt it cuz thats gay as hell and i dint want to think about all my stupid fucking bullshit in class im good no thank you uhhdbf ignrir this cuz im just gonna vent so yeah ifnore my ramblr
#I cluld change my limd later but doubt it :/#I JUST HATE FEELINGSSSS#Liek i feel so enpty lately but o was feeling amazung yesterday#I dont get it#And im tired of feeling so alone and empty and bired all the time#Like i spent time with my friend for so long anf after i realized how hollow i felt#Cuz without being around someone to kind of remind me “yeah this is how i am when im happy cuz i NEED to seem happy around these people” i#Feelblike nothing#I dont even thibk about my interests as much anynore to a point where i got so sad about it i cried the other day#Bur when i DO have a momebt to talk sbout the things i like it feels like im forcing myself to waste skmetomes time#So it feels fake and i dont want that#I feel liek i only know who i am when sround specific people and i feel like i csnt FEEL anything evwr#I csnt feel anyrbing hnless its my nails clawing st myself hating evwrythibg ablut how ive been lately#Im so fucking dry and it hurts to read my own texts cuz i dont want snyone to think im upset ir thst i dont care#Im tired of this and i hate jt#I want to go back to getting so excited about saw or a movie where its all i think about#Or thinking about me and vals rp all day#But i dont think abt eiether anymore#Like yeah i have moments where i think abt things i like and i get hsppy but that happniness goes away so fucking fsdt man#I WANT to draw i WANT to watch the same mocie and get that rush of happiness#I DINT WANT to feel like a burden ro those around me so i surpress snything i like#Even if someone tells me they care i dont feel its true#And thsts stupid of me#I want ro be me a few months ago i wss hsppy#Im hsppy SOMETIMES now#Anr that sucks#Whatever i dont csre#First period and im almost crying lmao#Sorry for venting ig
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