#im so frustrated and sick of this
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having trouble with food and eating when you’re not skinny is such a unique type of hell. you don’t even want to acknowledge or talk about it because you know the type of reactions you’ll get meanwhile it’s controlling your whole life
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Going to break into your house with pots and pans and yell at you until you reframe your thinking of productivity to include more than just schoolwork or a salary or chores and the like.
Did you do a thing? Was there a positive result for you or someone else?
Congratulations, you did a Productivity!!!
You aren’t ALWAYS going to be able to have the energy to do what we consider traditionally productive. You won’t always have the motivation.
Yeah, maybe you could have spent two hours studying for that test instead of 15 minutes. Maybe you could have cleaned the kitchen instead of the dishes. And? That’s still something!
Productivity is doing things!! Did you eat food and drink water? You did something that helped your body work! Doodled in class? You made art! Even just posting theories and memes on tumblr dot com is a thing! You thought out the post, figured out how to organize it (even if you don’t realize you did that) and you made it! And now other people can see and you DID something and you should be proud!!!
Be proud of yourself or I am going to show up outside your window tonight and scream positive affirmations louder than a cat who has just discovered her food bowl is empty.
#ESPECIALLY if you are disabled or mentally ill or sick or neurodivergent or any of the like#For me with ADHD and oftentimes poor mental health I really struggle to be traditionally “productive”#And earlier today I was frustrated because I was having a difficult time finishing a school assignment.#But also?#I noticed and made a post about a parallel between comic panels.#I’m working on a long post analyzing specific quotes from Webtoon.#I got up and got a water bottle.#Is that not productive?#Does that not produce a result that I and others may enjoy?#y’all have GOT to acknowledge little victories because that took effort and THAT was productive and Im sosososososososososo proud of you!!#adhd#autism#neurodivergent#i dont know what all to tag this as so feel free to reblog with any tags you feel this applies to or apply to you in relation to this!!#productive#disability#actually autistic#actually adhd#rambles
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Just saw an absolutely amazing post that convinced me that Ceroba would be the one who confesses first.
(op turned turned off reblogs unfortunately so I'm making this post (┬┬﹏┬┬)) ("Just put the link to the post here-" No, you absolute buffoon, they turned it off for a reason and I'm going to respect that) (also potential rambling?? again??) (future LM here, yep there is alot of rambling. this was supposed to be a character analysis but I accidentally made a fic halfway LMAOAOAOAOAOA )
god I'm a sucker for slow burn and angst (duh, you all know that) I used to think that Starlo wouldn't be able to take it anymore and finally get the balls to confess to her, he goes up to her and it'll be the usual cheesy but wholesome moment with him nervously laughing, Ceroba getting surprised so she turns away while brushing off some hair that got on her face, Starlo sheepishly rubbing the back of his head and stuttering to get the words out. It'll all be planned of course he's a gentleman, he's just so stupidly nice and understanding that if Ceroba just flat out tells him "I don't wanna be in a romantic relationship with you" I just know he's going to smile and tell her it's okay and he'd still be there for her and it won't affect their friendship at all and he's going to stay by her side de jashdkahsd sorry the brainworms are doing the thing again.
Of course the idea of Ceroba confessing first also came into my mind, her realizing she's in love with Starlo but now has to fight the guilt thinking that she's "betraying/cheating on Chujin" made the little angsty gremlin in me giggle but I just preferred it would be Starlo who breaks the ice just for shittles and giggles (I like seeing him get all blushy and shy HIHIHIHIH). Also adding the fact that Ceroba DID consider getting together with him but she brushes it off cuz she thinks he's still too immature. (Yes I am aware Ceroba acknowledges Starlo growing up in True Pacifist but I didn't give it that much thought I was in delulu land)
But then I saw the post and ho h my god oh my goddddddd.....
I was a fool
Starlo is aware of what Ceroba has gone through and as her childhood best friend he would respect her and not risk overwhelming her with a confession cuz OF COURSE HE WOULDNT, and if he DID consider confessing it would be YEARS after the whole "Clover-sacrificing-themselves-for-the-futue-of-monsterkind" ordeal but he would have probably fallen out of love at this point and it would go
⭐: "OH YEAH btw I had a crush on you when we were kids" 🦊: "HUH"
(not dismissing the chance he could still be in love with her despite that I mean he's dedicated and loyal and so damn devoted to her it makes sense, it was just had a funny thought giggles)
But then after reading the post, it reopened the idea of Ceroba confessing first and... oh my god it was glorious. It would start small, thinking he looked nice one day, subconsciously gazing at him and adoring him at the distance as he talks his usual nonsense at the saloon with the feisty 5, wanting to hang out with him a little more than usual, until it slowly builds up over time. She starts noticing the little things about him, his wide smile, the sound of his voice and the laughter he makes when he does his usual shenanigans with her in post-pacifist where things are starting to get brighter as they heal together, she would call him an idiot but god he would just smile at her again and the little dimples on the sides of his face would make her melt without knowing and she swears she felt her face get warm but brushes it off, thinking it's nothing. But that's where the snowball keeps getting bigger, she would see him talking to the folk again at the saloon and wish it was her he was laughing with, she'll quickly snap out of it, shake her head a little and think about how weird it was for her to have thought about that. She'd find herself beaming when he calls her name and feel so stupid for doing so, "Why am I so happy all of a sudden? He says my name all the time..."
And the snowball finally crashes when they have one of those talks, y'know the ones where you usually have at 3 am with your friends? Just talking about life in general, talking about the future, what are each of them scared of, what they feel and what they think about things, just being so vulnerable and open with each other. They've had their fair share of these talks but today was different. He looked absolutely stunning, despite being mentally exhausted he still looked divine, the way his eyes droop when his expression softens, the slow rise and fall of his chest when he sighs, his wide glistening smile turning into a small and soft curl on his lips. She can't help herself but make subtle touches and discreetly brush her shoulder against his as they lean towards the railings of the balcony, fighting the urge to just reach out and figure out small ways to make contact with him. She gazes at him the entire time, analyzing him, noticing all the little changes he makes, why can't she look away? She can't, she tried, so many times but it still ends up with her looking at him again trying to burn the image of him in her mind, wanting to leave it there forever. When the talk comes to a close, he turns to her and offers a hug, she accepts it and the moment he melts into her arms, she feels a sudden warmth on her chest and it instantly scatters around her entire body, enveloping her. They share each other's warmth, she slowly buries her face onto his shoulder, cherishing this small moment with him as they hold each other tight in each other's embrace. She's closing her eyes, inhaling his scent, it feels like she's in a dream, she doesn't want this moment to end, she doesn't wanna wake up just yet but.... They break a part, he gives her his goodbyes. As she goes home she lays in bed, face up, staring at the ceiling as she recalls everything that happened to her, putting pieces of the puzzle together as she finally comes to terms with herself and gets hit with the realization. It all comes crashing down to her, her eyes widen and she lets out an audible groan. She lays in silence for a moment, feeling absolute agony for being so stupid, she peaks through her fingers and looks back up the ceiling again, "Fuck..."
I haven't even dabbled with what goes on in her head after she accepts this fact, the sudden guilt consuming her, feeling like she betrayed Chujin, the person she loved with her entire soul only to fall for another. She hates it. And if she confesses she's going to be a wreck and Starlo just instantly goes to comfort her, telling her it's okay, she doesn't have to force herself to confess to h- No. She wants this, she's absolutely in love, he may have fallen first but she fell even harder, but with so much conflict in her mind, wanting to hold his hand without the weight on her shoulders pulling her back. The entire time they're together, Starlo finds the time to console her, comfort her, feeling horrible for making him stay up late just for her but he says he doesn't mind and he himself wants this, feeling absolutely honored to have her in her arms and that she trusts him so much that she's just so open and vulnerable and he's being so kind and patient to her I hate them I HATE THEM I FFUCKING HATE THUEJN R F FUCK FUCKF FFIFUUCJCC N I HATE THEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
thE SLOW BURN IS SO SLOW BUT KEEP UP AND SET THE KITCHEN IN FLAMES PLEASE RAUGHHH
SAVE ME STAROBA W AS SAV VE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
TL;DR: uhhhh read a post and it convinced me that Ceroba slowly falls in love with Starlo over time without realizing it and when she finally does she feels really guilty cuz it feels like she's betraying Chujin, the slow burning is burning and the angst is scrumptious. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. /j
#LONG POST#sorry in advance if there were spelling errors I only proof read this a few times but im so tired we die like Chujin#Fun fact! I was sick again while I was typing this! But overtime I slowly felt better and I??????? WHHAHAAHSDHASD????????????#Staroba makes me so sick it cures me???? thats crazy (update: im sick again HAHAHAHAHAH)#There's so... SO MUCH more I want to say.#That includes Starlo slowly teaching her how to love again and Ceroba slowly opening up and letting herself accept his affection#What if Ceroba one day breaks and she just lets it all out and just cries in his arms kissing him cuz she cant take it anymore—#—shes apologizing profusely and overwhelming him with pent up frustration and bottled up love she doesn't allow herself to express—#—🦊“I-I'm sorry I'm so sorry.. I'm so selfish and greedy for this but I love you so much it hurts"—#—But he just smiles and lets her smother him... like shes kissing him while apologizing at the same time and he just keeps comforting her—#—saying things like ⭐:“it's okay” ⭐:“don't apologize” ⭐:“I'm fine”—#—bUT HE KEEPS GETTING CUT OFF WITH KISSES KAJSHDAHSDHDAJSHDASJDHASHDASHD IM BEING SO NORMAL ABOUT IT#OMG CHAT. HEAR ME OUT. CEROBA GETS BABY FEVER RAUGHGHGHHGHGHGHG IM SO OMG IM SO#*gets shot out of nowhere and falls down on the ground peter griffin style*#LM whispers#undertale yellow#undertale yellow spoilers#uty starlo#uty ceroba#staroba#character analysis
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for anyone wondering, what about Han Sungsoo? 🤔 it seems that he hasn't been the CEO of Pledis since early 2022, the role until now was filled by Lee Dahye, a former VP for Bighit. HSS has still remained in the company but was demoted to an internal director
if you're wondering how you missed this, don't worry, there was never an official announcement! 🙃 carats had to find this out more than a year after the fact by doing some digging
but now Lee Dahye is being replaced by Kim Yeon Soo, who's the original VP of Pledis before they were acquired. He's the one that appeared on SVT Club, and he has historically had a good relationship with Seventeen. the way I always thought of it is Nu'est was HSS's project group, where Kim Yeon Soo oversaw the creation of svt. after the acquisition, he was put in charge of Hybe Labels Japan. it seems now he will remain in that position while also taking over as Pledis CEO
personally, I don't know what to think of this yet. on one hand carats have always had a positive view of Kim Yeon Soo, and he's always seemed to have a close relationship with svt. and I would say I'd rather have him in charge than a hybe plant
but the timing of it is very convenient. this is pure speculation on my part but with Seungkwan's Instagram post recently and all the stuff going on with hybe, it wouldn't surprise me if hybe was bringing in Kim Yeon Soo to try and appease the members (and possibly other Pledis employees). it definitely feels like they're trying to appease /somebody/ with this move, and I can't see it being the fans since most carats didn't know about Lee Dahye being the CEO in the first place. so I can only assume it's people within Pledis they're trying to appease 🤷♀️
#i didnt post about lee dahye directly when i found out bc i still wasnt totally sure if it was true#even though the evidence seemed to be pointing that way#although im pretty sure i remember posting a vague rant about hybe when i found out lmao#its interesting bc even after the acquisition even though i hated hybe#i felt it was still better for the members to re-sign and stay in pledis#bc where else would they go that would still have the resources to support them? especially when they seemed to be doing okay under hybe#even if i didnt like the company#but now i really do hope they leave#idk where they go or if it means they cant promote for a while or if it means they cant use the svt trademark and branding anymore#but all my worst fears about hybe have been proven true and i wouldn't be upset at all if they just left#which is not something i ever thought id say#like my ideal is that pledis could break from hybe all together but i know thats unrealistic#and its so frustrating bc i know its just a company but pledis has had such a rich and unique history of not only artists#but creative directors producers and other employees#but its been changed almost to the point of unrecognizability now#even nana who was with the company for 15 years left which says a lot#even the people who were loyal to pledis despite everything have started to leave#what does that say??#anyway im home sick today so i had time to rant#might turn rb's off later but ill try leaving them on#melia.txt
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GOOD MORNING guess who's emotional about Asmo
.
Wake up. Alone.
Cold compress over eyes. Tepid shower. Exfoliate, soothe, hair mask, softening shampoo, deep conditioner.
Serums one through four. Under eye gel. Facial moisturizer. Hand lotion, body lotion, heel lotion.
Dress, blow dry hair, begin make up. Something light today. Effortless. Brightening, to hide the undereye shadows that just won’t fade these days.
A tap on Belphie’s door, and one on Levi’s, the two hardest to get up up in the morning. Then to the kitchen to start breakfast.
Fruit smoothies with lots of devildom spinach for the iron. A few dozen eggs, most set aside for Beel. Ham and Bacon and toast. Start a pot of coffee that will rotate throughout the morning. Bitter black for Lucifer. Black with a secret sugar cube for Satan. Cream for Mammon, extra sweet for Levi, green tea with honey for the twins.
Another round of wake ups, this time sticking head through door and chiming as bright a greeting as you can manage. Give them something to grumble about, get them moving, maybe even crack a smile. Satan and Lucifer already awake, if they even went to bed. Mammon unresponsive, a sullen lump on his bed, though he’s surely awake as well.
Back to the kitchen. Feed Beel plate one, try to get Belphie to finish dressing (did he fall asleep halfway through putting his sleeve on?)
Smile. Smile. Smile.
Final round. Cajole, threaten, bribe Levi from out his room, making sure he takes his seat even if he’s buried in his hoodie. Snatch the book from Satan’s hands and promise he can have it back at the breakfast table. Sing Lucifer the time and remind him he promised not to leave for work early today. Climb into bed with Mammon and squeeze him close until he feels himself enough to huff embarrassment and follow you into the hall.
Tease, flutter, flirt, giggle. Smile. Smile. Smile.
This is your job. Your duty. Lucifer leads you all, Mammon guards. Levi the unspoken entertainer, Satan the educator. Beel protects and Belphie comforts. You, who can’t do any of that, not to your standards, does this.
Keeps everyone together. Keeps everyone moving. Keeps everyone waiting.
Because you know they’ll be back. You know Solomon could never let you down. You know it’s only a matter of time until your family is whole again. In the meantime, this is how you help. You make sure your brothers are fed. Make sure they sleep, and shower, and brush their hair. Make sure they bicker, and fight and occasionally even laugh.
You make sure that when they come home at the end of the day, there is always a home waiting for them.
#bithe fic#obey me asmodeus#LOOK look look#he works so hard and he makes sure no one notices#because he knows if they noticed they'd resist it through pride or shame or frustration#so he plays his role perfectly everyday to keep everyone together#he needs his family and he knows they do too#asmodeus i love you#anyway i wanted to write some angst today because im starting to get sick
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Really fucked up that two ppl can care about each other and make their best efforts to communicate and still end up hurting each other so badly they cannot stand to be in the same room.
#my stuff#i feel soooo bad talking to my therapist about the same topics over multiple weeks#like i feel like they're sooo sick of it like damn can this bitch get Over It alreadyyyy#hi yes actually can we talk about the near catastrophic sense of betrayal and loss that has haunted my soul for over a month?#can we talk about how I overcompensate for other's possible feelings and emotions to desperately mask my terror at feeling out of control#can we talk about how even when I know ppl acted with logical reasons necessary for their situation it still hurt me?#and that this pain fills me up with so much anger and frustration that I'm powerless to put anywhere that won't hurt someone#so it just cooks me inside and makes me grind my teeth constantly for weeks#im so angry i did not deserve to be treated like this it's not fair and I have no capacity to fix it or control when it feels better#i just have to survive and wait until i forget about it and hope they don't decide to reach out and fuck it all up#cause i can see that happening#i'll finally be free of thinking about them and generally going about my day unbothered and they'll ask to get coffee or something#and I have no idea what I should do in that scenario. because I don't think we can be friends.#and you have not treated me with the compassion and warmth I treated you#i would want to say mean things. hurtful things. I would want to bite back for once.#and that's not me. that's not who I want to be.#i don't wanna see you. go away. don't talk to me if you're not going to make the pain go away.
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Why are some of y'all making Robin be so mean to Steve and having them friend break up or their relationship irreversibly damaged for the sake of romo ships why would you do that to them what the hellllll literally biggest case of She Would Not Do That ever.
Sure Robin will rag on Steve but it's friendly! It's as friends! Steve does the same to her! He literally immediately dragged her crush as soon as she came out to him! Their bickering is mutual! They want to combine!! Into one!! Being!! They care so much about each other Steve wants Robin to be happy Robin worries over Steve's injuries.
Why are you making her ignore him or not realize something is wrong with him? Stop trying to replace her with other teens or a romantic interest for Steve! If your (usually whump) fic cannot function with Robin actually being Steve's friend and him talking to her then like. Send her away to visit an old sick relative or something and unable to actually be there and help him. The stobin angst can come from her being unable to actually do anything besides talk him through it to help, being so far away. You don't! Need! To make!! Her mean!! To Steve!! Sure they can have conflict but that conflict should come from a place of deep care, not apathy!! What the fuck!!!
#stobin#steddie#<-yall.....i ship it but sometimes robin is done so dirty in some fics i cannot handle it#sorry for the rant but i saw an older post that just. i didnt finish it but stobin friend broke up bc she ? idk didnt read but then made#NANCY steves new best friend like what are you doing here with this nonsense do you even like robin#so sick of reading fics and then steve goes i cant go to robin :( and im here like why the fuck not boy. she wants to live in your brain#platonic stobin#finda's rambles#this is not targeted at any specific fic it happens way more than it should and its frustrating#steve harrington#robin buckley
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It’s come to my attention that the Poppy Playtime fandom has a huge art stealing problem. There are writing blogs that are stealing people’s art and posting their headcanons/writing under them.
I’m here to tell you that you need to always, ALWAYS ask permission from an artist to use their work.
It’s very rude to use art that isn’t yours without permission. It doesn’t matter if you have a disclaimer that the art isn’t yours or if you have a post telling artists to politely ask for their art not to be on your post. It’s YOUR responsibility to ask for permission first and to respect their answer. It’s not the artist’s job to hunt you down and ask you nicely to stop.
#poppy playtime#art stealing#It’s very disgusting too that I say in my pinned post that smut triggers me and I find my art on posted with smut headcanons#ive been sick all week#my son went to the er last night#and I wake up to this?#im so fucking frustrated
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oo u want 2 draw soo bad..
#i hate that my ability to draw is so conditional#its soo frustrating but i dont know how to break it. this has been the one thing thats never changed.ill never be free#times like rn i just do studies but its soo fking BORINGGG euuhh...#but if i try 2 draw something for funsies i just stare at the blank canvas. literally immobile. & u know how people r like just draw#something anyways. a line. something. and its like no i cant do that oi cant even do that u underestimate my freak#i want 2attack myself from the pov of someone else#i think im having the realization tht i will never be able to do art stuff frls and its driving me crazy i think.#like im actually sick and unwell frm the thought of it.my friend commissioned me and im ab 2 send the money back#after two weeks bc i cant do it im literally frozen dude.i want 2 cry and die and explode into a million pieces#wait im back to add more.idk if anyone feels the same way but its like. i know its entirely a Me issue its a mental block issue#theres something thats not connecting in my head but its like.why is it so easy for everyone else ykwim...and thats a lie too right#like everyone else struggles w art and its not.it cant exist Without you struggling and practicing hard and trusting yourself#but in my brain im just convinced that like.i cant do this i cant do this like everyone else can do it like second nature and it freaks me#tf out#but also its the one thing i want to do more than anything else in my life and so like if i cant do it i dont know what to do.ughh.#not me freaking the fuck out rn lawl.lols.even#and on top of it i feel like i cant express myself well and i think my friend. < SOOO awesome and well meaning and NICE and legitimately#pushing me to try and believe that i can do this stuff but i feel like they wont understand the sort of like.mental block im struggling wit#like its less that i hate my art or something i dont its more like.i just feel soo physically restrained and incapable of doing it.suddenly#i cant think and i cant do anything.i have no creativity i have no ideas my mind is quite literally blank and empty
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I hate that there's a fundamental incompatibility between social mores that suit
1) a binary trans woman who wishes to be gendered solely on her gender signifiers, and
2) me, a nonbinary transfem who will get he/himmed no matter fucking what because I have a beard and don't bother to voice train, even if my wardrobe and makeup is completely fem
I actually find it relatively affirming when cis people ask my pronouns, because otherwise they are one hundred percent guaranteed to get it wrong.
Guess it's just my fault for being nonconforming and I'll just go fuckin' be misgendered about it, though, because given the volume of posts I see about how evil and transmisogynist asking pronouns is, I'm clearly in the wrong on this one.
#tesserants#im sorry i know im being shitty and evil about this and whatever but it's so frustrating#sometimes i wish i was more binary so i could just. SIGNIFY and trust people to either#sometimes im sick of fucking explaining complicated gender bullshit to cis people over and over and over and fucking OVER#sometimes i wish i could be happy just being a girl and not have to make it so fucking complicated
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was writing this down for an ask but realized i was quickly getting off topic for that ask lmao. let’s talk about Dean’s handprint, the wild misinterpretations of it, and how those have affected how people read Anna covering it during her sex scene with Dean.
We have to establish the obvious first: the number one way the handprint is misinterpreted is to establish a romantic connection between Dean and Castiel from their very first meeting. Because of how popular the ship is, we’re now left with the unfortunate aftermath of people knowing the ship first and the show second, and therefore being more inclined to interpret the show through the lens of the ship. Needless to say, while looking at season 4 through that lens for hints of destiel is fun, it doesn’t lead to a thematically cohesive reading. The handprint is the best way we can demonstrate this. If we take the handprint to indicate that Castiel has been romantically interested in Dean since minute one, or even that he sees Dean as a person rather than an instrument of Heaven’s will at first (put a pin in that), then the rest of his character arc for the season is incoherent and meaningless. To assert that this is what the handprint is about takes the conclusion Castiel needs the entirety of season 4 to reach and transplants it onto him at the very beginning in order to make it easier to find evidence for the ship.
There’s a lot of media out there where interpreting it through the lens of a ship, even one unintended by the author, can enhance the original text. (Lest we all forget our Winter Soldier roots.) Supernatural does not have that relationship to interpreting it to be about destiel. A season 4 where the handprint means Castiel is in love with Dean is a weaker story and does a huge disservice to Castiel’s actual character arc.
So, now that we’ve established what the handprint isn’t, can we talk about what it is? Yes. It’s pretty simple, actually.
Think of it this way: To Heaven, Dean is livestock, and the handprint is the brand telling everyone (but especially Dean) what ranch he belongs to.
Let’s start with the obvious: it isn’t a metaphorical brand at all. It’s literal. It’s burned into his skin permanently (or at least, when the makeup department wants to put it there.) I’d argue that from the nature of it being notable as the only scar Dean has from being raised from Hell and later showing up during his sex scene with Anna that even if we don’t see the handprint, we’re meant to interpret it as continuing to be there for… well. The rest of his life, most likely. And that’s horrifying. The handprint is telling us two things when it shows up: one, letting us know that Dean’s resurrection was intentional and through a manner we as the audience don’t have the information to guess at yet. Anyone who watched the show airing, or watches it now without knowing about angels would have assumed demonic deal intervention as being the cause of Dean’s new lease on life, and this. handily. discards that theory. But secondly, it tells us that this resurrection was violating. All resurrections on Supernatural are.
We assume from Castiel’s line, you know the one, we all know the one, Mr. Gripped-You-Tight, that he’s the one who put it there. However, to then make a further leap that it was Castiel’s personal decision to do so is, I think, a misunderstanding of his role. Take that pin out now. Dean is not a person to Castiel at this point. They’re not friends. Dean is a tool for Heaven to use, a tool that should be honored and grateful to be picked up at all. Make no mistake: Castiel branded him for Heaven, not for himself. Castiel’s a ranchhand. They aren’t in the business of letting the cows run free if they look a little sad to be slaughtered later.
Castiel needs to start here for his arc to be as impactful as it is. He can’t begin rebellious. He has to learn how to doubt. He has to develop a personal friendship with Dean that threatens his allegiance to Heaven. He has to see Anna having chosen to fall rather than obey Heaven and to be betrayed by Uriel being so desperate that he’s turned to killing their brothers and sisters trying to find a way out from under Heaven’s control.
There’s another line I think gets misinterpreted a lot in this initial meeting. “You don’t think you deserve to be saved?” On its face, easy bait for someone looking for shipping fodder, but that misses the actual point of the line. It’s a powerplay. We don’t learn until later why Dean wouldn’t think he deserves to be saved (aside from his general Winchester levels of self-esteem, but knowing that trait about him actually serves as a pretty good red herring to mask real reason Dean is thinking about himself as irredeemable now until the reveal. It’s not that Dean had a low opinion about himself in general, but that he tortured people in Hell and can never forgive himself for that.) , but Castiel does know. All of Heaven knows what Dean’s sin in Hell was. Without saying it, Castiel can remind Dean of it here. This line isn’t about Dean being so inherently good that Castiel had to rescue him. It’s about making sure Dean knows that the only way he can be ‘redeemed’ is through obedience to the heavenly powers who own his ass now. This is how he deserves to be saved. Because God commanded it. Because they have work for him.
And if he doesn’t bow? Then, as Castiel puts it in the very next episode, “I dragged you out of Hell. I can throw you back in.” This threat hanging over Dean’s head won’t go away for the rest of the season, not from Heaven. The only shift is that Castiel’s continued doubt and disobedience levels the playing field between them. They’ll both be punished, rather than Castiel taking on the role of disciplinarian. (It’s a really clever way of dealing with that power gap between them, actually. There’s always a bigger fish.)
The handprint and Castiel’s early conversations with Dean serve as a reminder of the precarious position he’s in. We shouldn’t take him ‘being saved’ at face value, no more than we should take Heaven being good just because they’re the angels in this equation as a given. Dean hasn’t been saved. He’s being used, just as much (if not arguably more) than Ruby is using Sam. (Because at least Ruby truly believes this is for Sam’s benefit, in the end.) And the worst part is how aware of it Dean is. How could he not be? His entire stint in Hell is defined by how Alistair used him. He’s just been handed off to a different owner, one that will still happily push him into the thing they ‘saved’ him from the minute it proves useful. Dean needing to torture Alistair reminds us just how little his circumstances have actually changed. He’s not allowed to say no to this.
So. The handprint is Heaven’s mark of ownership. It’s Dean’s status as their tool, their victim, burned into his flesh and inescapable. What does it mean when Anna places her hand over it?
I’ll lay my cards on the table. I’ve been thinking about this for so long because the aforementioned tendency to assume that the handprint is evidence for destiel means that the scene between Anna & Dean also gets lumped into being interpreted as more evidence for destiel. For over a decade, I have endured people joking about Anna being jealous of Cas for getting to leave a mark on their boytoy. And that’s one of the nicer things the Supernatural fandom will say about a woman who they perceive as a threat to their ship.
So, not to be rude or anything, but fuck Castiel. This ain’t about him.
This scene—It’s a lovely scene, a fantastic continuation of Dean and Anna’s previous conversation into the language of a sex scene—is about two people who have both been used and threatened by Heaven connecting over that shared trauma. Before, Anna gives space for Dean to open up about Hell, but he can’t, not yet, and though she knows what he’s gone through, she hasn’t been there herself. But when it comes to what Heaven has made of them, she does understand. It’s an incredibly vulnerable moment.
You make the handprint about Dean and Cas, and you erase what that scene is about entirely: the way Heaven’s abuse has tangled itself deep into Dean and Anna’s lives, into their bodies, and how they can resist it, if only for a few moments together.
The handprint was never about Castiel at all. It was about Heaven and its dehumanization of Dean.
#not to be annoying or anything on this wednesday morning#but uh. handprint meta.#everyone else is wrong about the handprint and what it means. except for me <3 im special and the Understander of Soup Or Natural#spn#dean winchester#anna milton#castiel spn#annadean#i really did try to keep the frustration in this to a minimum and just discuss what the handprint is#eh. arguable how well i managed that. but i think i can be forgiven after dealing with over a decade of Incorrect Handprint Takes#and im allowed to be salty down here in the tags :3 hi. hi. if you think anna touches the handprint out of jealousy you are bad at watching#shows and bad at media analysis and i hate you. personally.#god no but seriously it flattens the three of them so much to say the handprint is about cas loving dean. it really does#its a disservice to castiel’s gradual rebellion. its a disservice to dean’s struggle in s4 of transitioning from an openly abusive dynamic#in hell to one that’s trying to gaslight him into believing he’s better off under heaven’s control. its a disservice to anna and her own#trauma with heaven and the way she connects to dean through it.#number one dean/anna enjoyer and i am SICK of it. justice for the handprint scene
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For fucks sake I'm so sick of sub!readers.
I'm looking at the straight fem!sub writers and the straight male!dom writers.
Stop whining about how dom!readers make the characters submissive. Search up any fanfic and the reader will most likely be submissive. You guys seriously ruin some characters and write fics that are basically breeding grounds for SA, r4p3, and misogyny.
I'm so done. This may not sound completely correct in some contexts but I just need to put this out there.
Tag your damn fics and leave us dom!readers alone. We are out here struggling to find fics and discussing our opinions because of the amount of complaining.
This goes for the harassment of queer blogs too. It's MLM, WLW, NBLM, NBLW, or NBLNB for A DAMN REASON. Go be straight somewhere else.
It's so simple I don't understand.
IF YOU DON'T LIKE SOMETHING. SCROLL.
(I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE QUEER SUB!READERS BTW. I LOVE YOU GUYS! <3)
#dom reader#sub character#mini rant#im actually so fucking sick of this#literally stop#i seriously dont know how many damn times i have to say this#its so frustrating#fuck#mino chats //#masterlist
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we really need to stop making people feel guilty for fucking everything. “stop sketching with a pencil and don’t use an eraser,” “stop brushing your teeth with a regular toothbrush,” “stop using so much detergent in your washing,” etc etc. we’re all just trying to make it until tomorrow. be lenient with yourself and others this shit is hard and all these rules are fucking arbitrary.
#IM SO SICK OF ITTTT#i watch one (1) instagram reel#i deleted tiktok bc it was so bad for this#and i don’t want to have to delete instagram but i may have to#like just be fucking kind to each other#i’m frustrated ignore me#the sketching one really got to me tbh#stop making artists feel bad for doing literally anything#we are all just trying to survive and that shouldn’t be a sin#i may delete this later i just have to Scream
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i’m having fun! (i’m hurting myself) 😌👍
#wrupdate#when i tell you i have started this opening at least five times and i think im finally satisfied with it uguggghfhh#writing through a sickness induced brain fog is the most frustrating feeling#heavy handed water motif lets GOOOOO#i literally just want to crawl into bed though i feel so useless after this morning’s ep#need to sleep for three hours wake up miraculously healthy and write for another six. that would cure me fr#swarla
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In a constant state of tummy hurts. And being so brave about it
#i my have taken my meds twice today and im STILL so anxious i feel sick#woof :(#......#you know im just now realising that some people dont use 'woof' as a word for frustration#my mom used to do that#so i do it a lot#i s2g im not just making dog sounds#am i a dogboy or catboy....#answer quickly......
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thinking about this post i saw the other week where this person was saying how badly they wanted to be able to buy a nice mug without thinking twice about it. and all the comments were saying how they could just buy a cheaper mug. and they were like jesus fucking christ ITS NOT ABOUT THE MUG. because yeah
#i’m so fucking. Exhausted#having to so carefully budget every single dollar#and feeling like a failure if i want to get like. some fancy cookies or something#or a nice blanket#and i am paying back my debt but also taking on more every year#and i personally don’t even feel that bad about it. like as long as i can afford the monthly payments idc#but then i see like three million tiktok/youtube videos shaming people who have less debt than i do#and im like. well ok.#like i am Trying idk what else to say😭#but i don’t want to try this hard like i’m not strong enough#i don’t have the work ethic or desire to scrape every penny into my savings like.#i just want to be able to buy fun things and see my friends#not even like. anything crazy expensive😭#i want to go out to a bar for karaoke without feeling guilty about the drink prices#it’s just. sooooo fucking frustrating and i’m worried it won’t ever end#sorry for the rant i am just spiraling a little bit😭#i’ll probably delete later#like i am Fine and actually doing really well rn#but i am so sick of not being able to afford to eat#and even when i start getting paid i still have to be so so so careful with my money#which i am. historically not good at doing#UGH#sorry😭#will delete#personal
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