#im so done with this life i cant keep this stupid thing continu

[saaraahka]

I'm so pathetic 😪

[trainwrecksys]

ok!!!!!!!! i am!!!!!!! going to just say it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! long long post ahead!!!!!!!!!

yes i look like an out of touch stan with a victim complex for one character when i draw no one but bentham in my fanart and completely ignore everyone else to feel sorry for him and yes i am aware and no i dont know if anyone else sees this in me or im just paranoid but bro i am annoyed with myself !!! i hate how stannish i am sometimes because yes bentham had every reason to be called evil but yeah i had a good few reasons to have a complete breakdown when i read that in the book !!!!!!!1 too much writing under the cut about a lot of stuff that is in my head and needs to get out for better or for worse idk

i have made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgement and i do not expect to be forgiven but genuinely the way me being a stupid shameless stan can come off to others even subconsciously is actually important because it makes me look like someone who would see a situation like the bentham siblings' in real life and side with the STRAIGHT WHITE MALE who has made more than mistakes and hurt people in moments of heightened emotion (end of library of souls)- but like not in defense of bentham for ONCE IN MY LIFE everyone feels emotions everyone gets hurt and he had a right to not be perfect after everything he went through but that doesnt mean hurting people is the course of action and bro i have completely ignored that and skirted around it for two years and IM NOT GONNA KEEP APOLOGISING FOR MAKING THIS TOO LONG BECAUSE IT BLEEDS INTO REAL LIFE AND I REALISE HOW MUCH OF A STUCK UP DICK I COULD BE NOT ONLY ABOUT THIS BUT IN GENERAL LIFE AFTER I READ THE BOOKS AND GAINED AN ATTACHMENT TO BENTHAM

the stuff im talking about is honestly mainly between me myself and i and most of the art i post is him either chilling or feeling a bit sad but the way i completely ignore miss peregrine's issues and betrayal to focus on how oh so hurt and betrayed myron was like there was no reason he was exiled

like yes years in a big mansion with three people to keep him company in the middle of devils acre with no way to resolve his trauma can do shit to someone but what about years feeling his sisters guilt, BASIL????? what about how she mustve felt after both her brothers DIED due to their own hubris???????????? what about how she felt she was a bad sister when she literally had to be like their mother with all the baggage she had then actually mother children while thinking her slightly better brother might have been getting better with him saying he was gonna give them info on caul only to see him SIDE WITH CAUL when he had just done something that COULD HAVE HELPED HIS CAUSE and then spitefully capture her and lead them into the mouth of hell OH MY GOD

and how jacob and emma had to deal with his bullshit being all "lets talk over tea!" and waiting for when it was right in the exposition to tell them who he fucking was, then telling them he BASICALLY KILLED JACOBS GRANDPA while giving excuses and them finding out later on that hE KEPT THE SUUL FOR HIMSELF?????? i made some bullshit reason up why he did that for my headcannons but lets be real the only reason they could have at least imagined was that he was planning on using it in the library. the information betrayed them either way and to alma again it was only a stab in the gut because he hurt a guy who was basically her son

overall hes not some aesthetic victimised pookie bear hes a more than flawed man who only did some things to mend his image and cant be excused for what he did and this whole post was basically me shouting at myself

[urlatibule]

alright here it goes. im going to say everything. everything ive been holding back for so so so long.

i love you. i love you so unbelievably much that i dont know what to do with myself. i love you to the point where i find my life so entrenched in you you you you.

but heres the thing. i dont think you love me the same way. or maybe you dont love me at all. because you have hurt me through so many god stupid things that i would have never done to you. sounds like a silly promise when im not in your place and maybe i wouldve acted differently if i was you. but. im struggling too. i try not to tell you about it too much because im afraid itll be like last time and ill become a burden and youll be gone again. but im struggling too. my grades are falling too. my life is crumbling too. yet i will still put you first forever. if you asked me this second to drop out of school i would. i dont care how destructive it would be to my life. my life is thoroughly destroyed anyways. i have torn it apart with my own bare hands for you and i, like an idiot, dont regret it at all. but you keep treating me as a burden you need to bear. i dont think its love. i think its pity. you pity me.

heres the thing. i cant keep waiting for you like some kind of dog. because im not. and despite the way ive nearly contorted myself into a dog for you. in the end i am still a person and i am alive and i am alive and i am alive. and i am not a dead body that will lay peacefully in its grave, waiting for you to come back and whisper to it your pity. i am not some dog you can leash to a pole and expect to come back to. i will bite through the wood of the fence itself, i will splinter my own tongue and be free.

i love you now and later and always and forever. but i cant continue like this. everytime you interacted with me i instantly thought “what if i got too much again. what if you hate me again.” and i cant do that anymore. i need to live too. you know? you cant just decide everything on your own with no warning and just expect me to be okay. you cant expect me to act happy all the time. i cant do that for you no matter how much i want to.

so heres how it needs to be. either you need to be able to talk to me. clearly and honestly and genuinely. i dont think you understand how much it fucking hurts when a second before you would tell me that you love me and then immediately switch on me and say that you love me but we cant talk anymore. i live in constant fear of you leaving. the other way this could work out is if i learned to let go. if i learn how to not care as much. and thats going to take a bit for me to learn. so i think its a good thing you decided to leave for a bit right now.

im so tired of the way the world treats me. im struggling too. but i will always love you and you will always come before me. but i need to survive first to be there for you. i cant beg at your feet forever for your love. if you come back ill be standing there waiting. ill stand next to you this time. and ill look human. i am not a dog.

[ladygoth]

tbh another thing that bothers me about the whole situation is like some of those people i followed for a while when i first joined the fandom on tumblr and to find out they support and encourage that :(

and like everyone gets mad at you saying kys and focusing on that but not the other actual important shit and main point (for a reason id assume) and like just the defense of you have written dubcon and noncon like, its very diff than literal rape and thats the stuff thats used at the coping skill not actual rape itself. you never said anything is wrong with coping with it using dubcon either like ? idk its just im angry but more-so just sad and disappointed people i admired for their work romanticizing something that ruined my life as well as many others

idk like everyone says you’re stupid but they’re getting mad about one post and i get some people being triggered and having diff opinions about that and jokes etc but missed the complete main point and continue to miss the main points youve made and taking it out of context putting words in your mouth? maybe im rambling and makes no sense i usually just sit back and let shit happen when its online but like i just had to say something. plus them saying youre just a troll and a hater for your responses like, when you keep trying to tell someone something and they are adamant or just cant listen or recognize your points plus keep harassing you you’re just gonna stop trying at a certain point?

and the whole thing about you like not supporting victim’s coping mechanisms confuses the ever living shit out of me because you speaking up about the rape (not noncon/dubcon) fetish which is literally standing up for that and speaking against it? idk. lot i wanna say but wont cus people on here clearly lose their shit but tldr you haven’t done anything wrong, thank you for speaking up and keep trying and for just being a good person and advocator, it means the world and warms my heart to see 🫶

sorry people are so mean and hateful (ironic they say you are yet look all they are doing and saying) and i hope you’re doing okay from it all❤️

mwah <3

yes, me and my friends were laughing at how bad they were missing the point when they were crying in my comments and asks. they can call me stupid all they want, i'd rather be an idiot than be someone who plays into SA culture, and it was intriguing how they said i was writing about dub-con when both characters were both still heavily aware of their surroundings and what they had wanted with each other. and i know that because i was the writer, the way they speak you'd think they were with me in my room when i was writing it, but oh well.

and them doing that either way still is a win for me because that means they agree with what my main perspective was LMAO. they were doing essays with my writings, and i'll give them an U for how bad their assumptions were.

glad to know that i got middle aged broke back women who will barely know what it actually feels and means to be loved and doesnt need to turn to SA culture to feel something panties in a twist. and thank you for this ask, i'm doing well and have been focusing on my future projects! <3

[lilliekitty]

oh my god I can tell I'm simping again but I love just shapes and beats so much

I remember the first time I played, with my brother of course, I was mesmerized with the design of the boss. and uh, literally everything else too. but especially the boss. my boy ate the doritos and then I was taken aback, somehow the design got even better, I was trying to look at the quick, smooth segments of the transformations, from the initial one, to the cannon, to his different expressions, I couldn't take it all in.

I don't even remember if I was even drawing seriously at that point (well if I consider the timestamp then I most definitely was) but I was not thinking about drawing, I was thinking "oh my god. this design. I want to analyze the animations frame by frame. I don't even care about adapting this. I just want to enjoy it." and enjoy it I did. The next nine times I watched the game on youtube. and. forevermore.

on the final boss, we replayed it quite a few times, and eventually had to call it a night and continue in the morning, since when we started playing it was already pretty late.

my brother'd died before me and we were like "GOOO YOU CAN DO THIS! RESTORE MY LEGACY IM RELYING ON YOU" "I DUNNO DUDE I'M NOT GOOD AT THIS GAME AAAAA" we were yelling like it was football, and that's a lot for two unmedicated and depressed kids. the game was that engaging, I don't think I've ever, EVER, been more invested, yes, even after the TINS reboot final update announcement.

back to the story, it was up to me, as my brother'd died. and from the time he accidentally ate he dorito vertically, I was already looking at the geometry like "bro these are the hippest trilaterals I have seen how do they make it look like he's melting" and then, we got past the first phase. I was on the edge of my mom's gray office chair, sitting on it like L. my brother had hope in his eyes. and then-- before I know it, the boss. had the best. ultimate form. ever. in fiction. my boy was like "LILLIE YOU CAN DO THIS YOU CAN DO THIS" and I just could not "I CAN'T DO-- I CANT FOCUS ON THE FIGHT I KEEP ON LOOKING AT THE BOSS HE LOOKS SO COOL JNGTRBJHRGJTK"

my god I cannot with just shapes and beats. there are four things. the four horsemen of awakening my chaotic good. I hear the word chaos, I will laugh maniacally and run down the street saying chaos chaos.

I see a literal

#00FFFF

cyan square

you-- you guys are done. I have transcended humanity and I am now coming for the beyond.

nothing prompted this post. nothing.

you know what yeah something did prompt this post I was drawing a stupid scenario with my characters and thought "hrrmm yes I should listen to music" and then started listening to just shapes and beats. and i fell asleep. two hours later, I continued jamming and drawing

the final part of the game came on and you know what

I told my mom I love her.

I remembered my brother and I playing this game at eight pm, trying not to wake our grandparents from our 50-y/o-white-dad-football-man-type cheering at literal shapes. I remembered how that game shone a light in a dark part of my life.

I remembered playing that music, packing up my suitcase to go to a place I didn't even want to be in. playing that music while doing the dishes. listening to the music, while closely examining the game and seeing how I can implement simple shorthand into my art, and how just shapes and beats took the bar, and absolutely destroyed it. and destroyed every bar they could reach and destroyed the bar economy

why?

because life is short and my emotional barricade when I play this game is paper thin and you guys have to bear the consequences.

[rk-ceres]

4 ) With My Life Fred, With My Life.

PLEASE SEE ALL TW AT THE BLOOD OF MERLIN MASTERLIST

Masterlist 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

Shes like the sun. I cant live with out her

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“ARTEMIS!!” Lee yelled as he spotted her on the platform “what are we?” Fred starter “Chopped liver Gred” George said “oh youre just mad that Lee likes me the best isnt that right Lee?” I smiled “yep. Shes the favorite” “Lee i want you to meet Apollo” she smiled as she let him go “Apollo this is Lee” she said they locked eyes and the entire world slowed down around Apollo and Lee she stepped back to Fred and George “are you seeing this?” George asked as they watched the two of them interact with eachother “meet us on the train after youre done making goo goo eyes at eachother Lee” George teases as Lee flips them off “im happy for you Pollo” she says as she hugs her brothers waist getting on to the train she shrugs her bag off and went inside “George. Can you Give us a minute?” He asks as he climbs in after her “no problem” George shrugged he followed her to Igneous’s pen when the giant thunderbird landed on the rock “hey Iggie” she cooed softly Igneous looked to Fred “i know hes here boy. And i know he wants to know. And hes going to ask me how i feel. And truth be told Igneous… im afraid. Im scared that Lucious’s threat is going to become reality and im going to lose the one person that makes me feel safe. I want to tell him how much i wish i could stay with him at the burrow til we graduate i want to tell him everything im just so afraid that if he knew everything i want to tell him he wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore… im afraid of him leaving me behind which is a stupid thing to be afraid of because he’s proven himself time and time again that he wont its just easier for me to pretend that its just me talking to my thunderbird… than facing him and looking him in the eyes while i speak because im afraid if he can see my eyes hed see how broken and dead i am inside” she sighs when she feels his arms wrapped around her middle head falling-to her shoulder Fred needing to be close to her letting her know he was there and listening but wanting her to continue his heart sped up at the contact “i wonder what hed say if i said that i felt like things would be better if i had died in that dungeon that i only kept fighting because i needed to make our squabble right” his arms got tighter around her fear clouded him as he listened  “he would probably ask if i want to die id tell him no. I don't, im feeling Vulnerable. i just want him to hold me as I fall apart again like in the hospital wing last year saying he’ll never leave no matter what that i needed him and hed never turn his back on me. because Lucious’s voice in my head right now is telling me that im unloveable. And that everyones going to leave me and that im a useless house elf and that im ruined no man is ever going to want to touch me because of what he did to me. Im traumatized and im trying so hard to be okay and smile for everyone and its not working and im hurting.. im imagining the worst possible scenario and i lose him forever. I dont want to lose him…” she sniffled he turned her around and pulled her to him silently moving to sit down on the rock his back on Igneous his hands going through her hair “its not true you know” he said softly “what Lucious said” he elaborated “none of it is true. If you need me Artemis, i will never turn my back on you. I meant what i said. And im keeping my word. I promised you that id never abandon you and i wont. Give it all to me… i have you…. Youll never lose me Artemis im right here. Stop being headstrong and let me help you… let me take this for you….” she closed her eyes and let the tears fall from her eyes “island baby…. Youre so beautiful….. you drive me crazy” fred whispered in her ear “your strength and beauty i can see in your eyes…. I lose sight of my world..” he looks up and sees Lee George and Apollo as she sobs into his chest 

baby love no words can hold whats truly on my mind just feel the beat of my heart” he moves her hand to over his thumping heart and holds it there hoping that she doesnt feel how fast its beating “and youll know what i need” Apollo sits next to his sister leaning his head on her shoulder “pualena… youre so beautiful God knows i love you” Apollo sung as he brushed the hair out of her face George sits next to Fred laying on his legs Georges head on Artemis’s legs “and youre all i need Pualena you take my breath away Pualena” Lee sits inbetween Fred and Apollo leaning his head on Apollo’s thighs looking up at him Apollo smiles down at Lee “you know lately all i think about is holding you closely and never leaving yourside i’ll keep you warm” Lee says they softly sing to her keeping the position theyre in when she finally stops crying  “thank you” she said looking at Fred he just smiled at her “its our job” Lee said as Fred hugged her one last time  “lets get changed.” Apollo smiled “i’ll be in the library” Apollo said “Artie!!” George yelled as he came running back to the pen “CAN YOU TWO DO THE THING?!?” He yelled holding up the walkman “can we what?” Apollo asked as he looked to Artemis “god I should’ve never showed you that thing” she whispered under her breath “i showed them Aerosmith” she shook her head “well it fell on Charlies head and he discovered it i showed them the memory of us and mom before she and Reggie….” She started to say Apollo takes the walkman unhooking the chord from the walkman Apollo walks up to Artemis putting the walk man down flicking his wand to press play grabbing his sisters hands “come on. Itll be fun. It was dads favorite i still remember our routine. I know you do too missy” he smiled at her she returned his smile “you had a routine?” Fred asked “sit down you three” Apollo said “Every time that I look in the mirror…..: ALL THESE LINES ON MY FACE GETTING CLEARER the past is gone Oh, it went by like dusk to dawn Isn't that the way? Everybody's got their dues in life to pay, oh, oh, oh” Apollo started “I know nobody knows Where it comes and where it goes I know it's everybody's sin You got to lose to know how to win Half my life's in books' written pages Storing facts learned from fools and from sages You view the earth” Artemis sings as Apollo spins her in his arms he lets her go she spins out their hands stopping her from falling after shes completely stretched he pulls her back into him “Oh, sing with me, this mournful dub Sing with me, sing for a year Sing for the laughter, and sing for the tear Sing with me, if it's just for today Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away!” Apollo picks her up by her hips and places her on top of the rock “just like when we were kids” Apollo whispers to her “Oh, sing with me, sing for the year Sing for the laughter, and sing for the tear Sing it with me, if it's just for today Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away” she jumped off the rock landing on her knees Apollo falling to his back to back “Dream on Dream on I dream on Dream a little, I'll dream on Dream on I dream on I dream on” he stands up “all you lia girl” Apollo whispers remembering his mom  “Oh, sing with me, this mournful dub Sing with me, sing for a year Sing for the laughter, and sing for the tear Sing with me, if it's just for today Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away Dream on Dream on I dream on Dream a little, I'll dream on Dream on I dream on I dream on” as aerosmith kept up their high note she went higher “just keep on dreaming ooon aaaaaaaaaa ah ah ah ahhhhh“ she belts he holds out his hand which she takes he pulls her up as they sing face to face alternateing lines “Dream a little, I'll dream on Dream on Dream on Dream on I'll dream on Dream on Dream on I dream” when the song ends she lays on her back laughing when he belly flops her “ughhhhh Apollo!” She laughs “i knew thatd cheer you up you old grouch” he gets punched in the ribs softly “IM ONLY ELEVEN MINUTES OLDER!”

“Still makes you old” “respect your elders!” “Okay maybe youre not that old Lia” he laughs “dont make me hex you Kaneleonahenahe” she mumbles Lee is the first to speak “Artie can i have your blessing to Marry your brother?” He asks with his hand raised “we’re not even dating” Apollo smiled “id follow you anywhere Apollo Black” Lee said “Scamander actually, i had to change my last name protection purposes” he shrugged. “we’re only 14 Lee” Artemis chuckles “and you just met him today!” “The heart wants what it wants im smitten!” He swoons into George who fans his face with his hands “it wasnt that great. You should see us actually dance Hula” Apollo crosses his arms over his chest “mum taught us ʻEo mai and a bunch of other songs” he shrugs “you should see Artemis do Pua Kiele made mum and dad cry everytime.” Apollo finished “come on lets go were probably almost there” she cuts them off as she walks out of her bag Fred trails after her “you never told me Apollo or you could dance!” He pouted “it was a long time ago Freddie” she shook her head “i dont think my knees can handle it anymore” she shrugs “dance for me” he asks softly “i want to see” he coos “maybe one day” he grabs her wrist spinning her to face him “promise?” He asked “i promise” she nods-he heads up the ladder first he helps her out of the bag once everyone is out of the bag “so what house do you think he’ll be in?” George asks her from the window seat as he bumps her shoulder “Gryffindor” she says nonchalantly “my guess wouldve been Ravenclaw” George shrugged “obviously hes a Ravenclaw” Fred rolled his eyes “i dont care what house as long as they know hes actually mine” Lee said as he munched on his licorice wand “well actually sis” he rubs the back of his neck she snaps her neck to him as he holds up the yellow and black tie “i already got sorted before Uncle and Aunt dropped me at the burrow” he chuckles “…. Hufflepuff?” She asks he smiles shyly as she smiles at him “it suits you” she smiles “thanks Lia girl” he smiled “Cedric is actually supposed to be showing me around” he shrugged

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“Hey have you guys seen Harry or Ron?” Hermione asked us “I thought they were with you?” Artemis asked “no. When he didnt sit with me i thought Ron and Harry sat with you five” “how would that even be possible?” Fred asked “we would have to had strapped Ronniekins to the luggage compartment to fit all of us” Fred jested “Miss Black might i ask you to join me to the headmasters office” Migonigal said as she exited the great hall “is she in trouble Maam?” Apollo asked “no, Mr. Scamander. She is not. I just need assistance. Infact. You come along too” she said as a confused look came across Hermione George and Freds face “i will see you in a few handsome” lee wiggled his eyebrows Apollo smiled “only handsome one here is you” Apollo charmed a paper bird to fly to him it landed in Lee’s hands “open that when youre alone” Apollo winked as Artemis and Apollo turned to follow Minerva Lee sighs putting a hand over his beating heart “two sickles” George whispered into Hermione’s ear she looks up red in the face “two sickles and a knut” she barters “youre on Granger” “i look forward to it Weasley” she smiled at him Minerva leads them to Albus’s office “You were seen. By no less than seven Muggles! Do you have any idea how serious this is? You have risked the exposure of our world! Not to mention the damage you inflicted on a Whomping Willow that's been on these grounds since before you were born!” Snape yelled at Ron and Harry “oh jeez what did you do now” Artemis said ruffling Harrys hair “Your god brother AND his IMBECILE friend, Ms. Black just crashed a car into the whomping willow” “well thats just smashing entrance the most GLORIOUSLY crushing arrival out of any arrivals in the new year they whomped it in style dont you think?” “NOWS NOT THE TIME FOR JOKES ARTEMIS THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS MATTER!” Snape raises his voice with amusement “oh come on professor Sev” she says with a soft smile he looks at her with soft eyes “its not like the boys were crushed to death it couldve been way worse. We couldve had to clean dismembered body parts off of the tree. I can fix whatever was maimed. I have an animal that can help” she shrugged sitting next to Harry “it did more damage to us than us of it” Ron gulped “Silence! I assure you that were you in Slytherin and your fate rested with me, the both of you would be on the train home tonight!” Severus yelled “but youre not” Dumbledores voice echoed as he walked in “head of ouse falls into Minervas district” he said walking in “ms. Black, Mr. Scamander. i suggest you keep a tighter leash on your brother” Minerva starts “as for you two. Five points each will be taken. Get to dinner Potter.” She said as she dismissed the group “professor Sev, id like to introduce you to Apollo. My younger brother” she smiled “ah yes ive heard so much about you. Your sister is my star pupil” she catches Harry trying to scurry away fast behind Ron “oh no you dont” Apollo said grabbing the back of his robe “come on Apollo we already got yelled at” Artemis crossed her arms over her chest Apollo raised an eyebrow at him “okay fine im sorry it was a really stupid thing we couldve been killed and im grounded for a week” he breathed out Apollo ruffled his hair as Artemis smirks “please dont be mad at me” he looks up with puppy dog eyes “we’re not mad. We’re worried. You wait and ask for help from the Weasleys next time okay?” Artemis cooed pulling him into a hug “youre the only family we have. We dont want to lose you” she whispered into his hair he nods “come on lets go eat yeah?” He nodded “want me to walk you to your table Apollo?” She asked as they walked into the great hall

“nah. I got it thanks Tita. Try to keep Harry out of trouble” he smiled Artemis just nodded “here i made you a plate. Your favorites” Fred said as she sat down next to him “thanks Freddie” she smiled leaning her head on his shoulder picking it back up and eating “your brothers going to get a howler in the mail” she said as she ate “he drove the car into the whomping willow” she explained “that idiot.” George shook his head Artemis giggled as she took a small bite of her chicken Fred rose his eyebrow at her “stop picking at it and eat” he shoved her shoulder “sorry im just not that hungry Fred” she smiles “okay. Fine” he switches their plates “eat the fruit and the toast.” He said nonchalantly as she grinned at him Artemis comes out of the dorm after everyone had gone to bed “incendo” she said pointing at the wood in the fire place sitting on the floor back leaning against the sofa she sighs out as she pulled a book out and began to read softly humming to herself twenty-five minutes pass when she feels someone sit next to her smelling cinnamon and gunpowder she smiles “cant sleep?” He asks softly she shook her head no “still thinking about florish and blotts? Thanks for the books by the way. The new robes feel great” he said softly “its not Florish and Blotts. I accidentally called your mom ‘mom’ in the middle of a panic attack out side of the icecream place” she sighed closing her book “why is that a bad thing?” He asked “i didnt want to freak her out” Artemis finally looked into his amber eyes he looked back with something she couldnt read behind them “what are you doing up Fred?” She asked softly “i came cause i had a feeling youd be down here.” “So you came because of a feeling?” “I came because i had to see if you were okay” he said leaning further into the couch “im glad your here Fred” she smiles at him “what you thinking about?” She asks him “what mums howler is going to say” he shrugged “Charlie sent me a new dragon scale. He said it was from a baby” “you still write my brothers?” He asks “Bill texts me everyonce in a while when i dont pick up Charlie’s two way mirror” she sighs out “i didnt think having older brothers were fun before having them. Now that i have them sorta. They more or less call themselves my brothers every chance they get. Aparently they think im going to marry into your family sooner or later i dont know i dont think anyone could like me like that. But having them… and Apollo back…. its nice having people check up on you. And care.” she sighs she chuckles “what?” He smiles “just. Charlie asked if id name a baby after him” she giggled “how much kids d’ya want?” He asked “i want a quidditch team. Id be happy with ten” She smiles “i want a big family full of kindness and love… i want to give what i never had what i tried to give Apollo if i could find someone who accepts me for who i am. All the scars and scary.” she smiles a piece of hair falling in her face he reaches up and tucks it behind her ear keeping his hand there for a moment she looks down and back up at him again giving him a soft smile he leans down “youre so beautiful Kahali’alaulani, whoever gets to have you that way will be a lucky bloke” he said imagining THEIR life and THEIR kids in his mind her cheeks heat up at the use of her middle name he pulls her head to his shoulder so that she’s leaning on it “i want a big family too someday. I want to have a huuuuuuge yard where we could have a quidditch pitch and far enough away from everyone that the fireworks could be loud and obnoxious” he laughed “and pranks. The house would be full of them” he looked at her “ive always pictured the kids looking like their mom with Red hair, big eyes and hearts of gold.” He glanced down to her lips “you know what names you like?” He looked up to her eyes as She asked “ive always loved the name Nathaniel” she continued “i always thought my first sons name would have Georges name somewhere in it but im not completely sure. Ive always loved Dads name. It always sounded sophisticated.” He leaned his head on hers as they fell into a comfortable silence

“read to me?” “Ive got something better” she smiled at him she snapped her fingers “muffalito” she whispered silencing the common room a guitar out she starts playing “are you going to sing to me?” He asked “no… but i’ll play for you” she smiles “but i love when you sing” Fred pouts “what do you want me to sing?” She asks softly “your favorite song” “but i sing that all the time. I sang it so much you Lee and George know the words” she frowns “but it makes you happy” he puts his hand on her face “but what makes you happy Freddie?” She asked looking at him he looks down into her big eyes “you make me happy Kahalialaulani” he whispers “what makes you happy?” He asked as fingers play chords on the guitar she looks up at him again she stops playing and puts her hand on his face she shows him the detention that changed it all she showed him them laughing together the hospital wing him calling her Kahalialaulani for the first time he saw Florish and Blotts him and her in zonkos Lee and Apollos meeting “i really like him Artie” walking to Dumbledores office “ron is fighting me about george” Hermione’s voice rang Molly and her talking Charlie and Bill and the final memory is him holding her singing her favorite song putting her hand on his chest she takes her hand back and starts playing again hours pass he sits there just listening to her play when suddenly he got the urge to talk to her again the sun peeking through the mountains “come here” he said putting her in his lap “teach me” he said giving her his hands “teach me to play Pualena” She places his fingers on the frets and shows him how to strum “good. Now a little faster” she said he strummed “island baby” she sung “youre so beautiful you drive me crazy you know your” she paused as he struggled with the next chord she puts her fingers on his “all that i need so much more” he stuck his tongue out as he focused “your strength and beauty i can see in your eyes i lose sight of my world” she breathes out yawning “baby love no words can hold whats truly on my mind just feel the beat of my heart and youll know what i need youre my” “pualena youre so beautiful god knows i love you” he sang with her”and youre all i need” she looked up at him turning her head to face him he looked at her his heart sped up “pualena you take my breath away Pualena” they sang together Hermione walks out of their dorm room ready for their first classes and sat across from them “dont stop… its beautiful” she said when they made eye contact with her she smiled at Artemis sitting in Freds lap she rolled her eyes at Hermione who chuckled “you know lately…” Fred sang as he put his chin on her shoulder “all i think about is holding you close to me and never leaving yourside i’ll keep you warm” he sang “time passes by and still youre on my mind i cant imagine living my life without you cause the special moments you and i could only share” she sang moving his fingers again George coming down sitting next to Hermione “goodmorning Mia” he kissed the side of her head wrapping an arm around her shoulder. She smiles at him “morning George” she giggled as she looked back to Fred and Artemis “will always keep us together and never apart youre my Pualena youre so beautiful god knows i love you and youre all i need youre my pualena you take my breath away Pualena” she smiles up at Fred “youre good at this arent you?” She asked “Fred knows how to play alittle.” George shrugged “just never a full song” Fred continued as she stood up placing the guitar down “keep it. It was my dads i have another one” she smiles at him “i gotta change. Then off to breakfast” she smiled Fred held the guitar in his hands and stared at the steps “did you?” Hermione asked softly Fred shook his head no “im not ready… not yet…” he sighed out “i dont “you do” Hermione cut off “if anyone deserves her. Its you” Hermione continued “she doesnt need something more right now Mione. She needs her bestfriend. And thats what in giving to her. Stop rushing it” he rolled his eyes walking up the stairs to the shared dorm he put the Guitar on the bed

“FRED! Help! This shirt or this shirt” Lee held up the two shirts “why?” He asked “Apollo asked me to sit with him at the Hufflepuff table today” he explained Fred just smiled “their the same shirt Lee. Its a school uniform” Fred smiled “JUST PICK A SHIRT FRED!” He yelled “that one” he rolled his eyes smiling at Lee “youre smitten my friend” “ive already said that.” Lee rolled his eyes “im going to ask him to Hogsmede this weekend” Lee elaborated Fred smiled “hes going to say yes” Fred rolled his eyes at him “hurry up. Lets go” he chuckled “Lee!” Apollo smiled “excuse me?” Artemis said with her hand on her chest in fake hurt “i honestly thought id get atleast a hello first im only his twin sister after all” she pouted as Apollo walked up to Lee “so i was thinking. You and i could hit Hogshead for a butterbeer and you show me around Hogsmeade on saturday. I’ll buy lunch if you take care of the Honeydukes bill. My favorites are Sugar quills. And yours are these” he smiled handing Lee a licorice wand Lee stood there a look of shock written on his features as he stared open mouthed “you owe me three sickles and a knut Granger” George whispered “fine!” She whisper yelled handing him the money “thank you” he smiled down at her Fred raising an eyebrow at his twin “So? What do you say? Is it a date?” Apollo asked as blush creeped on to his cheeks “i.. i… you want to go on a date with me?” Lee stuttered “i am yours right? Thats what you said. ‘I dont care what house if everyone knows hes actually mine’ So yeah. I do. Besides we have to start somewhere if we’re going to be married one day. Unless you want to skip straight to ‘i do’ right now? i do think that “Apollo Kamahaʻo Kaneleonahenahe Jordan” flows really well together. I kind of want to take this slow, we should talk logistics and see if you really want to be married one day datings the way to go. So Hogsmeade this saturday?” he smiled “Artemis? Can i marry your brother today please?” He looked back to Artemis with an amused look on her face “date first. Ask me again when we graduate Jordan. My baby brother asked you a question.” She teased “are you sure?” Lee asked Apollo smiled “thats why i asked” Apollo takes Lees hand places the licorice wand in his hand “meet me here at 10 saturday morning” Lee asked as Apollo intertwined his hand in the other leading him into the great hall “come on handsome, 10am sharp Saturday morning” Apollo whispered as he snapped the fingers on his free hand suddenly chocolate frogs appear in front of Hermione Ron Harry Fred George and Artemis the group stared speechless as they watched Lee get led to the Hufflepuff table a charmed paper bird flew to Fred ‘your turn Gred. I give you my blessing with Artie. You both are ready for that next step. Black roses are her favorite, and shes a sucker for stars’ Fred read the note and quickly folded it  and shoving it in his trouser pocket walking in with George “now whats this with you and Hermione betting?” Fred asked with a raised eyebrow “we saw Lee and Apollo flirting and he bet me” Hermione shrugged as they sat down “Artemis can you do me a favor?” Hermione asked as she slipped two galleons to her “can you pick up these books for me when you go to Hogsmeade this weekend?” She asks “no problem Mione” she smiles “you know you could just borrow mine too right?” Artemis cocks her eyebrow at her “WHICH REMINDS ME!! Gotta fly Hagrid has something for me in his hut!0” she stands abruptly running out of the great hall “what was that all about?” George asks “i have no idea. With Artemis it can be anything” Fred shakes his head making her a small plate of food 

“she didnt even eat yet” he rolled his eyes as he piled more onto her plate and covering it with a napkin shrinking it and putting it in his robe pocket She knocked on the door to Hagrids his “ah Artemis! Shes right in here! Just go’ er yesterday” Hagrid told her as she walked into the hut “and this is one of Fluffy’s puppies?” She asked intrigued “yep. Proud father tha one. Fluffy didnt wan’ ta leave the mums side to take care of the pups i got ya the one ye asked for. Smallest of the litt’r” as he hands her a small three headed dog with white fur “oh Hagrid shes Beautiful” Artemis took the sleeping puppy into her arms after handing him the four galleons “Artemis this is too much!” Hagrid said “none sense Hagrid. Gas and time plus the cost of the puppy. Its not nearly enough” she said as she tucks the puppy into her robe “well? What you gonna call er?” He asked with a smile “hemolele” she smiled “it means angel” she smiled at him “i best be off Hagrid thank you again” she smiled walking to her common room she drops her bag on the sofa next to Fred she climbed in once inside she enchanted another stall once she was done she enlarged all of her puppy toys and food setting it up on the side as the puppy played with her toys she smiled watching her as she made her food “come on Hemolele” she spoke to the puppy as it came up to her she put the food down”good girl” she sighed out about to walk out “so this is what you rushed out of dinner for?” Fred asked holding her plate out to her she takes it “isnt she beautiful?” Artemis kneels down and pets her “shes Fluffy’s puppy” she looks up at Fred while she spoke “cute. But i need you to eat Kahalia” he cocks his eyebrow at her she picks the puppy up and hands her to Fred “not so scary when theyre tiny are they?” She takes a bite of food he holds the dog and smiles “i guess when theyre small they dont impose the threat of eating you whole now do they?” He smiled as he scratched behind one of the ears he puts the dog down “you okay?” He asked “yeah im perfect why?” She asked “i dunno. You just havent gotten Apollo back yet” he shrugged “i dont think i am. That one was free. I feel bad for leaving him” she said with a sigh “who you two pranking next? She asked “probably Snape” he shrugged “please not when im around i like not having detentionnnnn” she groaned “oh come on Lia girl isnt detention fun when its just you and me?” He wiggles his eyes at her “everythings fun when its just you and me Fred” she smiles at him he looks at her with reddened cheeks she smiled bigger at him “Freddie” she sighed “thanks for the food” she said taking another bite of the bread “I want you to start taking care of yourself Lia” he turned to face her “that means going to meals, having time for yourself” he said mimicking what she told him  in the hospital wing “i can compromise” she said mimicking him “we bring our plates empty plates here…. And eat where no one can see” she looked down confusion spread on his face “i do eat Fred… just not at the great hall” she sighed she walked out of the pen grabbing his wrist and walking to the back hallway and into a room with a kitchen off to the side she knocked on the door “Prim? Prim its me” she said softly suddenly a house elf opened the door “Artie?” She asked “hey Primm-y how are you today? Feeling better?” She smiled at the elf “Prim thinks her arm healed up nicely. Can Prim stay with Artie? Prims master fired Prim. Prim has no where else to go i can teach more spells if thats what it takes” she cried as she kneeled on the floor “Prim. I told you before you can stay im not your master. Im your friend. No elf magic teaching needed Primm-y. Id like you to meet someone. This is my bestfriend Fred, can you make us your favorite food? We’ll eat together again” she smiled “PRIM WOULD LIKE THAT VERY MUCH MAAM I’LL BE RIGHT BACK” the house elf yelled excitedly “dont hurt yourself Prim!” Artie yelled 

“i wont i promise Maam!” “Its Artie!!” She laughed Fred cocked his eyebrow at her “she came to hogwarts with a broken arm. Albus didnt have room for her. So i said id look after her, and that she wasnt going off on her own But shes a free elf that’ll earn a wage. I know what its like being a house elf, and i wasnt going to let her brave the world alone.” She shrugged “so i made a deal with her. I give her galleons to keep my fridge stocked animals fed and she and i eat together. Shes a really good cook. Its what she loves to do. It brings a big smile to her face she always makes way too much” Artemis laughs as they sit “youre amazing you know that?” He asks “you have a heart of gold” he brushes her cheekbone with his fingers leaning in to kiss her forehead “thanks Freddie” “i will take this compromise. If i can join you and Prim for dinners” he said “Prim would like that very much Mr. Fred Prim loves to cook this is Prims favorite thing to cook Ms. Artemis likes it very much sir. She finishes her food every time!” The elf smiled at Fred “is that so? It looks great Prim thank you” he said kindly “so Prim, how do you like living here?” He asked as he spooned some of the food into his mouth “mm… this is so good” he said more to himself “oh i love it here Mr. Fred. Artemis lets me feed and hang out with the animals!” She said excitedly “which animal is your favorite? Mine personally is the Kelpie” he asked taking another bite “Prim is quite fond of Igneous” she smiles big at Fred “i like Igneous too” he smiled at her “Ms. Artemis youre right Prim likes him too” Prim smiles at her her cheeks heat up “mr. Fred a good boy right?” She asked “one of the best there is” Artemis said softly as she ate “Prim thinks you make a good match Prim knows when Prim sees” she said as she looked down at her plate choking on her food “well Prim i dont think he likes me like that all that much… im not the kind of person boys fall head over heels in love with” she said softly to the elf Freds eyes widen in shock “that is not true ms. Artemis” “alright Prim. I’ll take your word for it, would you like me to wash up?” “No ms. Artemis Prim has it” the elf smiled as she exited the room with a nod “i meant it about dinners Lia” he smiled as he climbed the ladder helping her out of the bag “okay, you can come to dinners.” Artemis sighs “just you and me?” He asked “and Prim of course” he stuttered “just us” she smiled “goodnight Freddie” she smiled “goodnight Kahalialaulani” i love you he thought more to himself then her

It was her first free period and she was studying for her muggle classes trying to graduate a year early when a voice pulls her out of her thoughts “are you coming to our Quidditch practice?” Fred asked coming down the steps and seeing her in the common room “do you want me too?” She asked he modded “yeah. Let me go grab a sweater first and then we’ll walk together?” She asked “its cold out on the pitch.” She shrugged “here. Wear this” Fred said chucking her an extra Jersey that he brought just in case “but wont you need this?” She asked him looking up at him confused “nah, i think i’ll be good with just the one. Besides. George’ll get jealous that you’re wearing mine n not his” Fred wiggles his eyebrows “fineeee” she groans with a laugh pulling on the jersey they walk to the pitch “ah good to see you Black” Wood said as we walked out of the castle “you gonna try out for the team?” He asked “nah. The position i want isnt open.” She shrugged “im just here supporting Harry and the twins. Apollo’s going for chaser tho. Cedric is holding try outs next week from what Apollo said” she shrugged walking inching closer to Fred who wrapped his arm around her protectively when Slytherin’s team walked next to him she made eye contact with Draco and tensed Fred instinctively pushed her slightly behind him “Atleast no one had to bribe their way onto Gryffindor team. They got on from pure talent!” Hermione sneered “Who asked you what you thought filthy mudblood” Draco sneered i pushed my way through the twins and straight up to Draco “want to say that again Dray?” She towered over him crossing her arms over her chest “i called her a mudblood. Filthy orphan what are you going to do about it?” He yelled at her earning smiles from the Slytherin team chuckling behind him “okay. I see how it is. School yard bully acting tough cause people he wants to impress are around. See. My dad taught me the only way to deal with bullies.” She sighed out. He cocked his eyebrow “what is that filthy orphan? Running away from a fight” he laughs woth the rest of his team “or have your bull dogs rescue you” he juts his chin to Fred and George as they start to walk over “STAY!” She yelled they froze to their spot as she turned around and looked at Hermione on the verge of tears and Ron seething eyes landing on George wand gripped tight in his hand pointing at Malfoy she turned back and hit him in the mouth he fell back to flint “i know youre better than this Draco. If you were nicer and showed people who you actually are maybe then youd be friends with Harry and maybe ron too. you dont think he told me about meeting you first year? How you insulted Ron. Telling him to stick around with you to be friends with the right sort of wizards. Thats not how you get people to like you. You owe BOTH Hermione and Ron an apology for how you’ve been treating them. Oh. And go ahead. Tell your father. I dare you” her eyes glew she spoke with a growl in her voice as the whole quidditch team and Hermione watched it unfold jaws gaping open “You cant hit me!” He screamed standing up getting in her face she leaned down pillong his ear as she whispered into his ear his face bright red as she scolded him “why. You had no problem joining in with daddy hitting me. You forget the one person Who tutored you in potions. And took the blame for breaking a 100 year old vase who helped you with your preschool work and taught you to read. Who checked under the bed for monsters when you had nightmares me. Draco. I did. Who did you cry to after your first pathetic little heartbreak me. I did it you told me once that i was the only friend you had this isnt how you make friends Draco grow up and stop being like Lucious pompous arsehole. be the person you really are who me and aunt Narcissa know you are. for once in your spoiled brat life and apologize before i make you apologize” her nostrils flare at him teeth turning into lions fangs she looks up at the Slytherin captain

“Piss off with that bloody note before i shove it so far up your ass youd be shitting it out for a week. You snakes can take the late afternoon slot Oliver had this pitch booked for WEEKS or do I need to go talk to Snape personally. Picking on kids younger than you Flint are you really that cowardice. Pick on someone your own age. Heaven knows you wouldnt win.” she growled again showing her fangs again they all step back “whatever. Lets get out of here. Draco. We’ll train you later” Flint said turning his back to the Gryffindors Draco looks up at his cousin with scared gray eyes “theres still a chance for you to be friends with them. Make your mother proud” she said softer morphing her features back he looks down in shame slowly walking up to Hermione “im sorry, i shouldnt have said that, i was trying to get people to like me. It wont happen again. Im sure Artemis would rip my throat out if it does” he scratched the back of his neck “and im sorry for what i said first year Weasley. I shouldnt have said that either. I hope you two can forgive me and the three of us start over?” He asked not looking up she glances over to Harry who’s looking at her she shrugs her shoulders at him giving him the choice. “Harry Potter” Harry said holding out his hand making Draco look up “Draco Malfoy” shaking hands “this is my friends, Hermione Granger, and Ronald Weasley” Harry continued “this is the team, Oliver wood, Katie Bell, Angelina Johnson, Fred and George Weasley, and Alicia Spinnet” Harry pointed out the people as they waved uncomfortably Draco gave them a small smile “im really sorry about before” he said looking down “i have no excuse” he said shyly “thank you for the apology. Id offer to train you. But it seems as though Flint’s got that covered” Wood said as Draco nodded  she walked up to the bleachers and sat rolling her eyes.

“Do you really believe that that was a genuine apology?” Harry asked as they walked through the pitch doors “i dont know.” Artemis sighed “i just know that i am sick of that family having control over me. Harry hes my cousin. There is good in him i believe that i will help him if he needs me on the promise i made to Narcissa. But you are where my loyalties lie. Youre my brother just as much as Apollo is. I stand by you. You never have to doubt that i will make an unbreakable bond to that. Now if youre asking me if i think hed stop doing anymore messed up stuff and be dumb? No. I know he’s going to do messed up stuff. I like seeing the good in everyone. No matter how dimwitted their actions are. Dad always used to say that theres light and darkness in all of us. if you want to know what a mans like. Look at how he treats his inferiors. Hes never said an ill word to or hurt Dobby.” She stares at Fred and George from across the field talking to Oliver “Fred talks about you a lot you know” he wiggles his eyebrows. She smiled “its not like that.” She rolls her eyes at him as they walk further “its really cool what you did back there for Hermione by the way” he states “i didnt just do it for Mione. I did it cause it was the right thing to do.” she shrugged “i dont like when people pick on innocent people. Hermione’s gotta stand up for herself. But until she can i’ll do it for her.” Artemis sighs “so why does he call you Lia? Ive only ever heard Apollo call you that?” He asked “Charlie calls me Lia too, my middle name is Kahalialaulani Naleopilimehana, i guess he just liked that more than Artie” she shrugged “why is it ive never heard your middle name before?” He asked “youve never asked her Potter” George said as they walked in step with them “and Freddie calls her Lia because he prefers it” he nudges Harry as he says it “if you want to call me Lia i wont stop you either Harry.” Artemis shrugged. “You have detention tonight Potter?” Fred asks “yeah. With the new DADA teacher” Artemis grimaces at Gilderoy Lockheart “that sounds wonderful” Artemis said sarcastically “oh yeah. Itll totally be a blast Naleo” he rolled his eyes at her “Naleo?” She asked “well i wanted a name of my own. Apollo, Charlie and Fred already call you Lia everyone else calls you Artemis and Artie so i dunno. Naleo seemed fitting” he scratched the back of his head “my dad used to be the only one that called me that. He’d call me his voice” she smiled “he used to call Pollo Haʻo. His wonder.” She laughed “hed look at me and say my little Naleo. Always my voice of reason” she smiled at the memory. “Well i mean i guess thats why i chose it. Because you are a lot of peoples voice of reason i know youre mine atleast. Both you and Apollo.” Harry said as they walked “like whose” she rolls her eyes at him “mine. And i do like the ring of calling you Voice” Fred said simply she stopped abruptly looking at him “what? You are” he shrugged “what do you mean i am?” “Voice, you stopped me from finding the man that hurt you just by saying my name.” Fred looked at her “you tell me things with your eyes. And its just an unspoken thing between us. I keep you wild you keep me safe” he starts walking “although id like to think we keep each-other safe even if you almost strangled me to death in Florish and Blotts when Lucious said my name” he shrugged as he walked heat rising to her cheeks 

“you coming Artie?” George asks snapping her out of her “oh uh yeah. Sorry” she shook her head and caught up “youre wrong Fred” “what do you mean im wrong.” He rolls his eyes at her. “You don’t keep me wild. You keep me human” he cocks his eyebrow at her staying silent so she can explain. “if im your Leo. Youre my Puʻuwai” she said grabbing Freds arm “wh.. what is that? Leo is voice. Youve said that before ive only seen Puʻuwai once” she smiles at him “you gave me the strength and the courage i needed to open up my heart and allow others in. You showed me that love is stronger than fear.” He froze as she turned around “puʻuwai means heart Fred, you gave me a home to go home too, with your Family.” She turned to him “it wasnt only me it was Charlie and George too” he said quietly “but i said yes to you. Ive told George and Charlie no. Multiple multiple times. But you got me to say yes. Youre the one who got me to open up you got me to trust you and in turn you trust me.” she smiled sweetly enlarging the charm around her neck ‘Home is where love is remember puʻuwai love is eternal and it will give you peace’ “so no. you dont keep me wild. We keep eachother safe. Yes. But you. Youre my heart. And You keep me human the saying is ‘shes my voice of reason, she keeps me out of trouble, he’s my heart. he keeps me human and we keep eachother safe.’ We balance each other out. Without you id be cold and heartless. Without me youd be in detention more often than not. And youd be failing all your classes by now.” she chuckles hoping he didnt read through the lines of what she said “we’re going to be late for potions Heart” she said smiling at him putting her charm away still frozen to his spot he watches her walk away. Mouth gaping open as she jokes with George and Hermione “Are you guys going to meet Harry after detention?” Artie asked Hermione hanging her head off the end of the bed as the twins sat on the floor of the dorm room “yeah. I was going to meet Ron soon, wanna come?” “Yeah. I’ll tag along. I dont know about them. But i wouldnt mind stretching my legs” she said with a sigh George groans out “where ever you go” Fred starts “Fred will follow” George finishes for his brother Freds cheeks heat up “that is not how its supposed to go you git!” Fred yelled “its just funny seeing you this worked up” George’s laugh filled the room “so youre following then?” She asked with a cocked eyebrow at them “and let our favorite girls walk alone? Never.” George said looking to Hermione George walking on the left side of Hermione and Fred walking on the right of Artemis as they head down to the common room where Ron is “what are you two doing here!” Ron yelled “we’re keeping you lot out of trouble Ikkle Ronniekins” Fred jests “besides. You four have all the fun. We want in too!” George pouts Artemis giggles as Ron squeezes himself between George and Hermione shooting him a glare rolling her eyes “come on. Lets go find Harry” she smiled looking up at Fred who smiled at her as she led the group out of friends down the hall George made an off hand comment about their prank war because Hermione had asked about it “oh yeah. Freddie used to obsess over pranking her shed find his pranks every time. And add to them getting either me or himself or me him and Lee in the same go” George said “why didnt he just stop?” Hermione asked “Freds always been stubborn” Ron rolled his eyes “its because im the queen of pranks and Hearts a sore loser that has to always have the last laugh” she smiles playfully

“Am not voice take it back!!” Fred screeched “make me” she laughed taking off running “alright you asked for it Voice” he ran after her she snapped her fingers and appeared behind Ron bobbing and weaving him away from Freds arms that was reaching for her she smiles at him heat rising to his cheeks “YOU KNOW THATS AGAINST THE RULES!” He yells pointing a finger she giggles “whatcha gonna do about it? Prank me?” She stuck her tongue out running inbetween Ron and George “are you sure these two arent dating?” Ron asked the group when they were further away “Voice slow down!” Fred catches up to her she laughed as he caught her waist and began tickling her “Fred stop!” She laughed more Harry appears in the corridor “NO! First you have to say Freds the best pranking master ever and i was wrong for saying otherwise!” He yelled also laughing easing up on her sides as he waits “NEVER! YOULL NEVER BREAK ME!” She yelled in glee he shrugged his shoulders hoisting her up over his shoulder tickling her more “ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! I’LL SAY IT” she laughs tears rolling from her eyes as he holds her on his shoulder“Freds the best pranking master ever. Even if he couldnt land a single prank on me” she sticks her tongue out as he drops her on her bum with a oomph. The three of them laugh as Harry helps her up she looks to the wall Harry Hermione Ron and George rounding the corner after them looking at the wall together in shock ‘the chamber of secrets have been opened enemies of the heir beware’ written in blood with Filchescat hanging from her tail Artemis’s hands fly to her mouth in shock 

Filch comes around the corner when the bell rings and his eyes land on Harry Apollo calling out to us instinctively Artemis steps in front of Harry before Filch can get to him “out of my way its his fault he killed her!” Filch yelled “im sorry Mr. Filch but Harry couldnt have hurt your cat. He was in detention with Professor Lockheart” she said with a soft smile “THEN IT WAS YOU!” He yelled at her getting in her face “it wasnt me either i was meeting Harry after Detention Mr. Filch i swear!” “She was with me the entire time!” Fred yelled “and why should i believe a trouble maker like you Weasley!” He yelled “BECAUSE ITS THE TRUTH!” Fred yelled as she walked up to the cat getting her down from where she hung “shes not dead” Artemis shook her head snapping her fingers the last Mandrake restorative Draught she had putting it in the cats mouth as Albus came to the group as he eyed Artemis closely “there you go girl��. Almost there” she smiled “take it easy now Mrs. Norris” she cooed as the ear twitched slowly dragging her hand down her body “good kitty” she smiled as she shook it off “all better?” She asked as the cat tilted her head at her meowing she chuckled as the cat licks her nose “Mr. Filch shes okay” Artemis smiled at the squib who took his cat into his arms crying “thank you sweet girl” Filch cupped her cheek patting her face “it was just a mandrake potion. She took my last phial of it so hopefully, nobody else gets petrified” she smiled at him “professor sprout has a healthy stock of mandrakes this year how far out?” Albus asked “should be by the end of the year” she smiled “i love animals. Its no issue Mr. Filch” she smiled brightly “Should i have told them? About the voice i heard?” Harry asked as they walked up the stairs they argue as they walk into the common room “you alright there Artie?” George asked “yeah im fine. Just iny head” she shook her head as they walked “want us to stay?” He asked “nah. Imma go read in the library if anything” she shrugged “have a good night boys. Mione” she smiled as she went into her bag she walks into her library and pulls out a book to read “so am i traveling to our room alone or;” George trailed out looking at Fred who was staring at the bag George smiled “go after her Fred” he smiled “im going to hang with Hermione til you get back” he smiled as Fred nodded “hey!” Fred called from outside of Igneous’s pen “hes getting big” Fred said petting his beak “whats the matter?” He asked “nothing, im just worried is all” she shrugged at him “worried about what?” “This thing that petrified Mrs norris” she sighed “nothings going to happen to you Voice you know that right?” He asked sitting next to her “i wont let anything happen to you” he nudged her “its not me im worried about Fred. Im worried about my brothers. Hermione. Im worried about you and George. Im worried about the people i care about” she blew a raspberry out of her mouth “oh come on Voice its not like we’re going to get hurt” he smiled “we dont know who or what did that to the cat” she sighed out “luckily we have our potions guru to save not only your own butt but Harry’s too. Filch looked like he was just about to murder him” Fred said earning a chuckle out of her “theres our girl” he said tucking a strand of hair behind her ear “youre so pretty when you laugh” he complements her red tinge crossing his cheeks “im sorry i worry so much” she apologizes “its a normal reaction Voice” he said as he helped her feed the rest of the animals “youve been through more than what a kid should. It’s understandable, no one blames you for worrying. So what if you need a little reassurance from time to time. Lee, Apollo, Harry, George, Charlie and I dont mind doing it its our job” he smiled “doesnt it get tiring though?” He smiled “no, its not.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear “come on we still have a lot more pens to go.” He gestured

The quidditch game against Slytherin was going full swing Harry and Malfoy raced for the snitch going through the stands as Hermione Ron Apollo and Artemis cheered for Harry when a bludger hit his hand just as he caught the snitch winning the game “ughhhh” he groaned as the group of friends surrounded him “you okay there Harry?” Apollo asked “i think i broke my arm” he chuckled slightly “NOT TO WORRY! I can heal that right up for you!” Lockheart said “not you sorry sir i much rather have Artemis give me a potion” he said with an apologetic smile “non sense i can heal you no problem!” Lockheart insisted muttering the wrong spell and all the bones in Harrys arm disappeared the entire quidditch team rushed to the hospital wing “oh mr. Malfoy ive bandaged you up you can go!” Poppy said as she rushed to Harry “he shouldve been brought to me right away! I can mend bones in an instant! Regrowing them will take all night!” She grumbled as she gave harry skelegrow he spit it out “oh come on Har. What did you expect? Pumpkin Juice? Its a potion they all suck and are goopy” Artemis said with a sympathetic smile “i assume youre staying the night Ms. Black Mr. Scamander?” Poppy asked the two kids “if its alright maam. We’d like to stay with our brother” Apollo said with a small smile “try not to make too much noise!” She said sternly they both nodded to her “Ollie. I can fill in for Harry until he heals completely i know your plays by heart” Artemis said with a smile “practice first thing in the morning Artie” he warned “sir yes sir!” She jested as the team left “thanks for doing that Naleo. And let the house cup go? No chance in hell.” She smiled at him in the middle of the night Dobby woke the three kids up “HELLO!” Dobby said “ARTEMIS! Oh how good it is to see you! Dobby has missed you dearly!” He smiled softly at her “hey Dob what are you doing here?” She asked with a confused tone “Harry Potter should have listened to Dobby Harry should have gone home when he missed the train!” Dobby said “whats going on Dobby” she said in a serious voice “Harry Potter and his friends are in grave danger!” Dobby as they talked Dobby admitted that he wanted to be free “THERE HAS BEEN ANOTHER ATTACK!” The three kids laid back down as Albus and Minerva brought in the petrified body of Colin Creevy the next morning she headed down to the pitch from the hospital wing in Harrys quidditch robes “looking good Artie” George said with a smile “gasp. Atleast buy me a drink first!” She put her hand over her chest in fake hurt “what kind of girl do you think i am!” Fred and George laughed loudly with the rest of the team but Angelina “im only doing this so he doesnt have a cow about Harry being out” she rolled her eyes mounting the nimbus and flying up “lets get this practice over with” she groans “you act like you’re bad at quidditch” Fred rolled his eyes at her “because i dont like playing quidditch!” She groans as Oliver releases the balls “i take offense to that Artemis!” He yelled going to the rings After practice she ran speed drills dodging the bludgers George and Fred were throwinf at her “come on boys that all you got?” She teased sticking a tongue out at them George laughed “we dont want to hurt you!” “Give it all you got Georgie i wont break!” She rolled her eyes ar him “you asked for it!” George said as he swung his bat sending a bludger straight at her she pulled back playing chicken with the bludger when it was close to her face she let go of her broom swinging her legs catching herself on the broom handle using the momentum of the flying broom she grabbed her handle and spun down like a cork skrew seconds before hitting the ground she pulled straight seeing the snitch she pulled up slightly with her hand raised one hand steering the broom when she caught the snitch she landed her broom Olivers mouth flew open as she held up the snitch and broom in the other hand when practice was finished Ollie pulled her aside

“i want to keep you on the team as back up seeker” he said as Angelina scoffed “shes not even that good” she whispered to Katie Bell “shes actually really nice Ang. Give her a chance” she whispered back “now why would i do that. Shes a know it all” she said louder turning away and walking to the changing rooms Artemis shook her head and focused more on Oliver as much as id love too Ollie. Im just not cut out for Quidditch” “youre wrong. Youre almost as good as Charlie is. If you had tried out before Harry you wouldve need our seeker” “fine. I’ll sit on the bench” she rolled her eyes “and buy a new broom!” He yelled she waved her hand in the air putting Harry’s robes back “i bet you enjoyed that” Angelina sneered “not even a little. It was a favor for Harry i actually really hate playing sports. Id rather dance.” Artemis replied simply “whatever” she rolled her eyes she slammed Harrys locker shut “just what is your problem with me” Artemis asked a little frustrated “oh nothing. I just dont get why you whore yourself around where ever you are one of the Weasley twins or both or another Weasley is. Wood. Apollo. Potter. Or Jordan is boys buzz around you like flies on a warthog. It makes you look easy” she smirked “okay one. Apollo is my twin brother Gross. Two Lee is his boyfriend. Three Harry is my god brother Four the Weasley twins are my best friends along with Lee i tutor Percy wnd Ron. Ive talked to Oliver maybe three times since coming here” she said crossing her arms “out of line Angelina” George said rounding the corner with damp hair “i dont know what youre talking about George” “youre just jealous that shes friends with everyone and she got a higher score in potions. No need to be a git and call names” George said angrily “its alright George. Bullies arent worth it” she said pulling him away from her Angelina scoffs “shes got them wrapped around her finger” she said to the room “because shes Family.” George rolled his eyes as she pulled him out further once they were in the court yard he pulled her back “you okay?” He asked “just peachy. Thanks” she said with a smile “how long has Angie been treating you like that?” He asked “since our first potions class. I usually just ignore it” she shrugged “but you guys talked back in second” “no. Me and Alicia talked. Angie scowled at me” she said as they walked to the common room Harry finally was back for quidditch two weeks later they were about to play against Hufflepuff when Minnie stopped the match “quidditch has been cancled!” She said “you cant cancel qQuidditch!” Oliver exclaimed “Mr. Potter Mr. Weasley’s Ms. Black please follow me quickly” the twins Harry Artemis and Ron followed Migonigal back to the hospital wing “now this may be a shock to you. But there has been another attack. They were found out side of the library “oh mione” Artemis said brushing a hand through her hair tears pricking her eyes “does tris mean anything to you?” Migonigal asked the group holding up a mirror “no maam” they all say she sits with Hermione for hours George had been sleeping on the other side while Ron and Harry went off to class “hey” Fred breaks the silence she looked at him “brings back memories huh. Us being stuck here” he chuckles she lets out a few tears “yeah. Back when things were just starting out” she chuckled dryly

“it seems to only be attacking muggle born students. Collin, Davies, Mione, Penny” she sniffles “hey…. Voice theyre going to be okay” he puts a hand on her shoulder “you think so?” She looked up at him “i know they will. Madame Pomfrey’s taking good care of them in the mean time” he wiped a tear off her cheek “what would i do with out you heart” she said softly his cheeks heated up “crash and burn probably” he chuckled “want to go get some food? Prim must be wondering where you are” he suggested “yeah. Lets leave George alone with his Mia” she jested earning a chuckle from him he helps her up from her chair intertwining their fingers pulling her to the common room smiling she catches Angelinas eye she shot Artemis a glare “Freddie slow down” she laughs “youre going to pull my arm off!” She laughed again “come on Voice its this way” he giggled with her pulling her to a corner of the common room “come on already i wanna see Hemolele” he laughed loudly “you just saw her at the beginning of the year!” “so its not everyday i get to see a small three headed dog!” He crossed his arm over his chest “ugh. I swear shes annoying as shit” she said loudly her smile faltered as she shook her head “lets just go take care of the animals” she gave him a small smile “i need to feed Kamaile. I just got his krill in” she told him he nodded slightly as they walked to the dorm room he opened the door to their room “hey Lee. Apollo” she smiled “Artie” Apollo kissed her cheek “we’re going to feed the animals” she said as she placed her bag down “see you when you guys get back love birds” “we’re not love birds” her cheeks became red “not yet you arent. But someday you will be” he smiled “Apollooooooo” she groaned he put his hands up in defeat “sorry sorry” he laughed they walked into Hemolele’s pen “shes getting bigger” Fred said looking up at Artemis petting the dog in his lap “she is” Artie said hopping on to the table watching him “whats really bothering you Artemis?” He asked softly “a lot of things” she said softer “anything you want to share?” He asked as the puppy yelped he squeezed the squeaky toy throwing it the little three headed dog ran to the toy “nothing in particular” she said softly “voice..” he trailed “its nothing Freddie” she smiled “its not nothing if its bothering you like this” he said “its just… i miss my dad” she sighed out “he always knew what to say when i was feeling wonky.” She sighed looking up at the ceiling sje waved her wand and soon an image of stars came out “just an enchantment” she laid on the grassy pen floor sighing out he laid next to her on the grass his head next to hers “see that one thats Orion” he pointed up “that ones pegasus and the mama bear and baby bear” he smiled “you know a lot about this stuff dont you?” She laughed “when mum would yell at is. Me and George as kids. We’d sneak out or more like Id sneak out to the pond and lay on the rocks to clear my head watching the stars. I started to read books about astronomy and its just a guilty pleasure i guess” he sighed. 

“That ones Sirius, and Rigel” she points he looks up “ive always wanted to get a necklace from Madame Hanks jewelry store and get a necklace of those stars, my dad and Baby brother that i never got to meet Regulus was supposed to be named after my Uncle Reggie” she shrugged as she glanced to him “you know. When we were kids, Apollo used to point out the stars to me too. Its something our dad did with him when he was upset” She smiled “why would you get in trouble?” She asked confused “mum didnt like the fact that we would prank and enjoyed a good laugh. Half the time shed mistake me for George. Every one in my family does, mix us up. Its hard not having our own identities. It bothers George more than it bothers me but dont get me wrong it still hurts” he shrugs “thats why it surprised us. When you said ‘no i know im right. Youre George Fred is on the other side of Lee’ in first on the boats. Thats what really solidified your friendship with George” “and what about you? What did it solidify with you?” She looked at him he turned his head to look at her mimicking the way she was looking at him moving his face closer to hers upside down “it solidified that you were the girl thatd come in smash up and change my life” he said softly “the girl that would change your life?” She questioned him “You changed my life. You became my voice of reason. I guess the only reason why i pranked you so hard the first and second years is because i didnt want mine and George’s dynamic to change, i was happy or at-least i thought i was, me and George against everyone and anyone i didnt want to change that, i didnt want to be your friend, i didnt want George to be your friend he wouldve broken us the two of us me and him up by adding you into the mix. I thought that there wouldnt be enough for me if you came into our world. i thought everything would be fine and normal if it was only me and George.  just the way it was but spending detention with you. Knowing you. You brought out a side of me i didnt know i had. You added to me and George and theres so much between the three of us i dont know why i thought that there wouldnt be enough. So much so that Youre my best friend. And youre closer to me than George is it scares me BUT i cant imagine my life without you.” he shook his head her eyes widened “you mean a lot to my entire family and you dont even realize it.” He sighed sitting up he turns away from her “why do you do that?” She asks sitting up and facing him “do what?” He looks at her confused “the cat and mouse game we play. Something gets too deep and leave when our conversations get deep on your end?” “Because im afraid” he looks down “afraid?” “Im afraid of getting close to someone thats not George im afraid that if someone knows me more than my brother does, that if i open up my world i lose him and he wont need me anymore which i know its stupid we’ll always need eachother the more people that are in our world doesnt mean less its…” he breathed out closing his eyes she cups his face looking up at him “Let me be the person for you that you are for me. Let me in, i wont hurt you Fred. Let me be your person how youre mine” she whispered he leaned his forehead on hers “lean on me like how i lean on you” she whispers closing her eyes “youre right im sorry okay? Its something i need to work on” he breathes out “its something we both need to work on i run away too. Its not just you” she leaned closer his eyes dart to her lips back to her closed eyes she leans further up feeling their lips brush against eachother his heart speeds up “we should go” she said softly

 “i know. I want to stay like this for a little longer, its nice having someone listen to me” he said “i feel so ignored at home like im lumped together with someone else half the time its with George half the time its with Ron and we’re all fighting for mums approval i know me and George act like we dont crave that sort of thing but its.. its nice to be supported and feel supported. Youre the only person that supports our dreams of running a joke shop. Mum and dad want us to go into the ministry” he said falling back onto his back “who cares what your mum wants? Will working at the ministry make you happy Fred?” She asked laying back down his heart sped up at how openly she talked to him about his dreams “no it wouldnt” he sighed “i think its brave. And you both will do amazing things” she smiled “follow your heart Freddie. And the right people will support you. Im always in your corner” she smiled heat rushing to her cheeks “now tell me about wizard wheezes” she looked up to the stars as he talked

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“Artemis!!” She looked over her shoulder to Ron and Harry running to her in the library “do you have any books on this?” Harry asked her as she unfolded the piece of paper “Mione figured it out. Its a basilisk” he said catching his breath “wheres the twins?” Ron asked “detention? Why?” She asked “WE’RE GETTING OFF TOPIC!” Harry shoved Rons shoulder “right. Sorry Harry. Hagrid is innocent he didnt open the chamber the first time” Ron filled in “the passed three nights have been an absolute nightmare you wouldnt believe” Ron panted “come with us. We need to meet up with Apollo!” Harry said quickly pulling her along by her robe “we have to send the students home a child has been taken into the chamber! Im afraid this is the end of Hogwarts” Migonigal cries “so sorry dozed off what did i miss?” Lockheart said “a girl has been snatched by the monster lockheart your moment has come atlast” “my mom..moment” lockheart says to Snape when Apollo comes up behind them Harry looks to him with his finger over his mouth Apollo nodded as the adults talked “Ginny Weasley has been taken” Minerva said Artemis’s eyes widened she shot her gaze to Ron who looked like he was going to puke “we’ll find her Ronnie” she re assured him the teachers move and they saw what was written ‘her skeleton will lie in the chamber forever’ Artemis’s hands flew to her mouth “Ron lets get to lockhearts now!” Artemis and Apollo say at the same time “we might not be able to get into the chamber but we can tell lockheart everything we know!” Harry yelled as he ran up the steps of the DADA classroom “PROFESSOR WE HAVE SOME INFORMATION FOR YOU!” Harry said as lockheart frantically packed his bags “just where the hell do you think you’re going” Artemis’s voice low “urgent call unavoidable” “WHAT ABOUT GINNY!” She yelled as Ron asked about his sister “YOU CANT JUST LEAVE YOU COWARD!” She yelled as the four of them held their wands to his face “youre helping us. And you cant say no.” Apollo said in a dangerous voice Harry and Ron led them to the bathroom “Okay Harry. What next?” Artemis asked “try speaking parselmouth to the sink” Ron suggested soon the sinks started moving opening a slide “well? Who first?” Lockheart asked “you have got to be joking” Artemis rolled her eyes at him “youre the adult you go first!” She exclaimed shoving him forward “hurry up lets get Ginny” she rolled her eyes at the lot of them jumping in after him they run through the pipes when they find a snake skin “Harry. Stay close to me” she whispered Gilderoy fainted and snatched Rons wand Apollo pulls Ron behind him raising his wand mimicking Artemis on the other side of the chamber he makes a low threat when he tried to obliviate Ron his wand backfired “PROTEGO!” Apollo placed a protection spell over him and Ron and separated Artemis and Harry from Apollo and Ron as the dust settled around them “HARRY! HARRY!” Ron called out “LIA! LIA YOU ALRIGHT?!?” Apollo called out “IM FINE!” She yelled “RON!” Harry yelled “WE’RE ALRIGHT TOO!” He yelled “lockhearts memory charm backfired! He dosent remember anything!” Ron yelled out “STAY THERE! We’ll find Ginny!” Artemis yelled “BE CAREFUL LIA!” Apollo screamed “i dont want to get punched by Fred” he said more to himself than to the group “oh tell me about it when he finds out she was in danger he’s going to lose his marbles. In love with her that one its bloody disgusting” Ron looked to Apollo “i think its cute” Apollo chuckles “its nice someone else has my sister’s back” Apollo looked at Ron “we all have Artie’s back even if she calls me Carrots” he rolls his eyes “i swear shes an older Ginny sometimes. But theres no one better to have in your corner than Artemis” he said sitting down on the ground after knocking out lockheart

Harry and Artemis come to a door thats made out of snakes he speaks parselmouth to it and it opens in the room lies Ginny on the floor in the chamber “Harry” Artemis grabs his shoulder they look at eachother and ran to Ginny “Harry why the fuck is that?!” Artemis screamed trying to wake Ginny up “i think thats Tom Riddle” he whispered “Tom help us. We have to get her out of here!” He yelled “Harry i dont think he’s on our side” she said suddenly the water started flowing faster as he spelled out his name ‘voldemort’ her eyes widened “HARRY! GET BACK!” She yelled standing in front of Ginnys unconscious body he spoke to the giant snake that chased us “join me. And you two shall survive. Ginny must die the weaker she grows. The stronger i get” he repeats as Harry gets chased by the basilisk “AND BETRAY ALBUS! HE IS THE GREATEST WIZARD KNOWN TO MAN MY LOYALTIES LIE WITH HIM” Artemis yelled holding her ground in front of Ginny she unzipped her bag whistling her whistle soon Kamaile and Igneous fly out of the bag “Iggie Guard Ginny keep her safe. Kamaile come with me we have to help Harry!” Kamaile claws the eyes of the basilisk out when Fawkes comes in dropping the sorting hat “ah ms. Artemis. How nice to see you” the hat spoke “FOOLISH GIRL! You think you can defeat the basilisk with songbirds and old hats! You are much more powerful than this rise to your full potential daughter of the great wizard Merlin the future heir will be born from you” He yelled out as Artemis ran to where Harry was getting there just in time she looks in the hat and takes the sword out of the hat “HARRY! Get to Ginny now!” She yelled Igneous can only do so much!” He nodded as she took on the basilisk on her own she led it back to the front of the chamber when she heard Harrys anguished scream the basilisk tripped her making her land on her back she groaned dropping the sword just out of reach as the basilisk opened its large mouth about to snap down on her he grabbed the sword and the basilisk bit down lodging three fangs into her arm as the sword embedded it self into its skull effectively killing it she takes the fangs out of her upper arm Ginny slowly starting to wake “Artemis. We have to stab the diary before we all die down here” Harry groaned in pain she nodded whistling again “Kamaile back in the bag!” She yelled “Iggie i need you to help me” she started to breathe heavy as the venom started to work its way through her system Harry defeated Tom Riddle grabbing his Diary and basilisk fang Ginny shoots awake “come on Gin. Put your arms around me i have to get you out of here before i dont have any strength left. Harry. Take Igneous and get Ron Apollo and lockheart out of here. Meet us at the hospital wing” she breathes heavily  he nodded Ginny wrapped her arms around Artemis’s neck as she snapped her fingers “POMFREY!” She yelled in the darkness of the room Ginny lets go of her the doors fly open revealing George, Fred and Percy following behind Minerva

“Ginny!” Percy yelled as he cupped her face in his hand Artemis’s vision started to fade with black dots she stumbled back before she could hit the ground Fred caught her “woah there voice i got you” he cooed looking up to Ginny “she got bit by the basilisk!” Ginny yelled as Fred laid her down on the cott George coming to the other side of Ginny bombarding her with questions Fawkes came flying in landing on her knees crying onto her bite marks ‘i got here just in time’ Fawkes thought as the tears healed him “thanks Fawkes, i owe you my life”Artemis breathes out to him as she pets his head Dumbledore comes in and sees Artemis petting Fawkes “ah Ms. Black. you mustve shown great loyalty to gryffindor and myself if Fawkes was summoned to you. might i have a word with you, Apollo and Harry when you get sorted out?” he asks as Artemis looked over to Ron Harry and Apollo “you three okay?” she asked “thanks to you yes” Harry said she whistles out opening her bag Igneous flies in she finally looks over to Fred who slowly walked over to her and breathlessly says “you saved my sister my little sister” putting his hands on to the collar of her shirt smashing his lips on hers shock flowed through Artemis her eyes wide as she melts into the kiss kissing him back she puts her hand on his face he wrapped an arm around her neck taking her face in his hands as he pulls away slightly “that was for saving my sister” he breathed out giving her a soft smile his heart racing her face matching the color of his hair he heads straight to Ginny her fingers touch her mouth in surprise as Harry smirks at her “lets go see what Dumbledore wants yeah?” he asks as the pair slowly walk out of the room Harry and her walk out of the infirmary he sees her walk to harry about to leave“PROTECT HER POTTER!” Fred yelled “dont let her out of your sight. Bring Voice back to me alive and safe” he walked up to harry holding out his hand for him to shake “i’ll protect her with my life. The way she protects me and all of us” Harry said shaking his hand “i’ll hold you to it Potter” Fred squeezes his hand letting go  “i’ll talk to you after we go see Dumbledore?” She asked “im sorry about the kiss” he put his head on hers “friends?” A knife stabbed through his heart as the question flew from his mouth her smile faltered and her anxiety filled her she leaned into him lips brushing against his before she could stop herself she pressed her lips gently on his, he took in her strawberry lipgloss she breathed out leaning back slightly his lips tasted like cinnamon as if to test the waters he moved back to her face moving his lips slowly against hers with more fervor he lets out a shaky breath when she pulls away fully not wanting to stop kissing her “there. Now you cant be sorry for kissing me because i kissed you too. friends. Best friends. Take care of Ginny for me” she smiles leaning her forehead against his “talk more when i get back?” She asked he nodded pressing a kiss to her forehead “Always Voice. My voice” he whispered. 

“Ginny!” Percy yelled as he cupped her face in his hand Artemis’s vision started to fade with black dots she stumbled back before she could hit the ground Fred caught her “woah there voice i got you” he cooed looking up to Ginny “she got bit by the basilisk!” Ginny yelled as Fred laid her down on the cott George coming to the other side of Ginny bombarding her with questions Fawkes came flying in landing on her knees crying onto her bite marks ‘i got here just in time’ Fawkes thought as the tears healed him “thanks Fawkes, i owe you my life”Artemis breathes out to him as she pets his head Dumbledore comes in and sees Artemis petting Fawkes “ah Ms. Black. you mustve shown great loyalty to gryffindor and myself if Fawkes was summoned to you. might i have a word with you, Apollo and Harry when you get sorted out?” he asks as Artemis looked over to Ron Harry and Apollo “you three okay?” she asked “thanks to you yes” Harry said she whistles out opening her bag Igneous flies in she finally looks over to Fred who slowly walked over to her and breathlessly says “you saved my sister my little sister” putting his hands on to the collar of her shirt smashing his lips on hers shock flowed through Artemis her eyes wide as she melts into the kiss kissing him back she puts her hand on his face he wrapped an arm around her neck taking her face in his hands as he pulls away slightly “that was for saving my sister” he breathed out giving her a soft smile his heart racing her face matching the color of his hair he heads straight to Ginny her fingers touch her mouth in surprise as Harry smirks at her “lets go see what Dumbledore wants yeah?” he asks as the pair slowly walk out of the room Harry and her walk out of the infirmary he sees her walk to harry about to leave“PROTECT HER POTTER!” Fred yelled “dont let her out of your sight. Bring Voice back to me alive and safe” he walked up to harry holding out his hand for him to shake “i’ll protect her with my life. The way she protects me and all of us” Harry said shaking his hand “i’ll hold you to it Potter” Fred squeezes his hand letting go  “i’ll talk to you after we go see Dumbledore?” She asked “im sorry about the kiss” he put his head on hers “friends?” A knife stabbed through his heart as the question flew from his mouth her smile faltered and her anxiety filled her she leaned into him lips brushing against his before she could stop herself she pressed her lips gently on his, he took in her strawberry lipgloss she breathed out leaning back slightly his lips tasted like cinnamon as if to test the waters he moved back to her face moving his lips slowly against hers with more fervor he lets out a shaky breath when she pulls away fully not wanting to stop kissing her “there. Now you cant be sorry for kissing me because i kissed you too. friends. Best friends. Take care of Ginny for me” she smiles leaning her forehead against his “talk more when i get back?” She asked he nodded pressing a kiss to her forehead “Always Voice. My voice” he whispered. 

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Still in shock of what had just happened “you think that it meant something more?” Harry asked breaking the silence “i think it was just an excitement thing. I dont think he’ll remember it tomorrow” she sighed out her voice cracking in hurt “im not so sure about that Lia girl that second kiss is like he didnt want you to stop kissing him” Apollo said bumping her shoulder “you shouldve heard the way he talked about you” he continued “you all keep saying that” she rolled her eyes at them “you love him dont you?” Harry asked curiously “I think i always have. I probably always will.” She whispered Harry gave her a reassuring smile “i think he’s in love with you too for what its worth, with the way he keeps threatening me” Harry gave her a small smile “he deserves someone who isnt broken.” She whispered “youre not broken Artemis” Apollo said sternly “traumatized maybe. But youre not broken” Apollo wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “How are things going with Lee?” She asked him “theyre going great. He’s amazing Artemis” Apollo smiled “im happy for you Baba” she smiled as the phoenix statue took them up “ah yes, hello kids” Albus stated as they approached the desk “have a seat” he said as they sat down “the diary if you please mr. Potter” he said holding out his hand Harry hands him the diary “sir…” Artemis started “while we were battling Riddle and the Basilisk. He called me Daughter of the great wizard Merlin… and that the next heir would be born from me…. Just what did he mean by that?” She asked “Apollo, Artemis. Your mother left this in my care after she got sick” he said handing them a phial of her memories “she instructed me to give them to you when you two were ready. I do believe that time has come” he raised his hands and the pensive came out of the wall “go on my dear.” He said as she dumped the phial into the water she glanced to Apollo who just grabbed her hand reassuringly they dipped their heads into the pensive

‘Sirius, theres things we need to talk about Love’ as she rubbed her belly ‘about me’ she sighed out he sat down next to her on the bed ‘im listening love’ he smiled ‘long… long ago a wizard who helped a man named Arthur who wielded a sword called excalibur in a passed life, that wizard then came to America, he settled down on an island in the middle of the pacific ocean. His golden eyes landed on a girl…. A girl he instantly fell in love with they went on to have a baby that was named Marlene, who carried the golden eyes her father carried the ability to speak to animals the ability to touch and play memories in others heads to know what their thinking when looking into their eyes. Marlene went on to marry a pureblooded wizard from england. Of the last name Nott’ she said quietly ‘from that line came my mother, Artemis. That wizard who started my lines name was Merlin’ she breathed out as he squeezed her knee ‘these babies… the females inherit the traits while the males, the males are seers.’ She looked at him ‘our babies are heirs of Merlin, theyll be in danger, especially with the dark lord gaining power. He’ll seek out the daughters to strengthen his line’ ‘Athena. Nothings going to happen to our children’ he put a hand on her belly ‘you dont understand Sirius! Im a seer!’ She yelled ‘I inherited both abilities, theyre going to hurt our daughter!’ She cried into her hands ‘love…. Our daughter will be fine.’ ‘Shes mine. He sent in the papers. Legally. Both of our kids. Theyre both mine Pualena’ he whispered into her hair ‘and i wont let anything bad happen to our babies. Altear and Narcissa, Moony and James will protect them’ he chuckles ‘heaven forbid anyone get in the path of Lily and Jake. Theyre crazy those two’ he laughed ‘come on. Lets go to bed. I’ll sing to you’ he rubs her back the memory flashes to Dumbledores office ‘Albus! Albus! Sirius is going to get framed! We need to move James Lily and Harry now! Hes going to kill them!’ She yelled ‘what will you give me in return?’ He asked ‘anything! Everything! Me! Kill me.’ She whispered ‘Me for Harry. My god son. And Lily his mother.’ she held out her hand ‘i’ll take your bargain but if Lily doesnt come willingly theres nothing i can do. For sure Harry will be safe.’ Albus sighs out ‘just keep me alive long enough to get this baby out’ she sighed he nodded making the deal handing her the potion she downed it shaking her hand ‘promise me youll take care of Artemis and Apollo. I left you the vision, the prophecy. If this is how winning the war will play out. I’ll do it. But im going to fight for my husband.’ she said looking into his eyes ‘i wouldnt expect anything less Athena.’ He said quietly the memory fades into another ‘LYING SON OF A BITCH!’ Athena threw a pan at Albus ‘YOU SAID HARRY WOULD BE SAFE! YOU GAVE HIM TO THE DURSLEYS! HES ANYTHING BUT SAFE!’ She yelled ‘HARRY IS MY GOD SON HE WAS SUPPOSED TO COME TO ME! IT WAS WRITTEN IN JAMES’S WILL!! I SIGNED THE ADOPTION PAPERS! HARRY’S MY SON TOO!’ ‘Athena. You have a few months left to live. The curse is eating you and you wanted to take the child!’ He reasoned ‘ANYTHINGS BETTER THAN GIVING HIM TO PETUNIA AND VERNON!’ She screamed ‘this is the way things have to play out you know as well as i that this is what has to play out’ Albus takes her hands in his

‘My four kids deserve better than this theyre all under five! Fighting an adult war! How is this fair!” She cried “its not fair, not at all Athena. But its what has to happen. How Regulus died. And how Sirius was framed. The kids your kids, theyll be the ones to end the war.’ He looked at her ‘and youre sure Artemis and Apollo have to go to Walburga?’ ‘Im sorry Athena.’ He said as she broke down in tears he comforted her ‘i dont think im going to make it to Reggies birth’ she whispered ‘this potion is getting worse’ she whispered  ‘im sorry Athena. Its just a few more weeks you have to hold out’ he brushes her hair out of her face ‘does it have to be Artemis! Does she really need to go through all this!!’ Athena yelled ‘shes going to be… theyre going to…’ Athena breaks down ‘let me take her place I’m the true heir!’ Athena yelled ‘Athena, the curse is killing you she needs to take your place’ Albus shook his head ‘shes just a little girl!’ Athena yelled falling to her knees

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She got to the great hall where everyone was sitting Apollo sitting next to Lee talking happily she sat down across from Fred between Harry and Apollo glancing up to him he gave her a small shy smile “hey” he said from across the table “hey heart” she smiled a smile that made his heart sped up when the great halls doors opened again Hermione bounced down the halls she ran straight to Artemis and Harry almost knocking her down in a hug  she lets go and shakes Rons hand Hagrid thanks Harry and they eat their feast she entered her dorm room and went into her bag with her folded belongings floating behind her humming to herself Apollo placing his trunk into the library he started playing her ukulele she looked at him “come on Art i wanna see” he said as he played the intro of the song “Apollo really not right now” he dragged her out to the enchanted beach “just this once” he said playing the song “fine.” She smiled “makaukau” he asked “ ʻAe” she said readying herself “ooooooh ooh haaa haaaah hoooo oooh” he sung as she moved gracefully  “Mohala mai kapua i ka la” she swayed her hips moving her hands in a fluid motion “ola no kaʻaina i kaua” she spun slowly going into the next movements “e kuu pua kiele nani e koʻala o nauna e maku nei” she swayed her hips to his singing her eyes following her hand movements throughout the song smiling a big smile “e kua hoʻoheno mai i luna, e hiwahiwa na ka puuwai” she crossed her hands on her chest Fred and George standing slack jawed at the entrance of the bag “e kuʻu pua kiele nani e he nani lua ole alohi nei” she looks up bringing her crossed arms from her waist up and out in a circle bending her knees and standing with her arms open level with her shoulders flipping her hands up she brings her left arm up into an L shape “e pa aheahe kamakani i ka honua” bringing her left arm over her head and back again as he sang the line walking backward as both hands go over her head swaying her hips bringing her hands out in front of her waist dancing palms down to her chest moving to the side bringing her arms in “E kuʻuipo e lei noa i kou aloha” up and around her neck spreading her arms out wide turning “e kuʻuipo, e lei noa i kou aloha” she danced the last of the song out bowing with one arm to the side one arm stretched out Fred watched her dance like he was in a trance he couldnt tear his eyes away from her his heart stilled in his chest it was like it was hard for him to breathe Apollo was the first to look up and to the entrance of the bag George and Fred still looking at Artemis Apollo smirked when she looked up she turned her head to the side and looked at the twins “oh… hey” she stood up cheeks burning red “ive gotta finish packing and securing the animals” she said turning her heel “that. Was hula” Apollo smirked walking over to Fred putting an arm over his shoulders “amazing isnt she?” Fred gulped down nodding looking in the direction she went in “go. Tell her you love her” Apollo said “its not the right time yet” Fred looked to his Brother and Apollo. “Rubbish” George started “nows the perfect time. Dont muck up that kiss” “im not ready George” Fred shook his head “its okay to take it slow” Apollo said pushing him forward “dont hurt my sister” he said as Fred walked “wouldnt dream of it Apollo”

He walked into Igneous’s pen where she was rubbing a potion onto his side to soothe the cut he got from Riddle “there we go boy. That should do it” she smiled up at the bird he put his head on hers “thank you.. for protecting Ginny while i went after the Basilisk” she grinned “fish dinners for a week” his tongue licked her cheek as Fred walked up to the bird “so its you who i have to thank” he petted the birds neck as he looked up into his eyes “we were all losing our minds back in the common room. And when we couldnt find Harry or Artie. We knew something was a foot” he continued to talk to the bird “seeing her faint in the hospital wing was one of the most scariest things ive ever had to witness next to her almost dying last year, and when Ginny said she got bitten by the basilisk i thought she was going to leave me alone. And my world was going to shrink down to just me and George again. Which is a total prat thing to think cause Apollo Harry and Hermione is our friends as well i cant imagine my life without voice in it. It wouldnt be the same it wouldnt be what it is now…” he sighed out as the thunderbird laid down “when she was okay. It felt like a weight was taken off of my chest. My best friend…. Saved my baby sister. She took a basilisk bite for my little sister… i had to kiss her. I dont know what came over me its like my body wasnt my own, and my body acted. I thought i fucked it up with the best friendship i ever had but then when i apologize. she kissed me back. And told me now i cant be sorry cause she kissed me too… then i saw her dance. Im scared for things to change between us.. not yet it feels too soon to change, maybe im being an idiot and a coward and i dont want her think im ignoring what happened between us… cause im not ignoring it or forgetting about it. How could i forget my first kiss… it took my breath away… and i dont want her to think that i dont want too. Cause i do, i did want to kiss her. I just dont want to overwhelm her and make her pull away from me…. Not when i just got someone as amazing loving kind and sweet to be my friend… i dont want to lose that if it was too much too soon” her heart sped up “youre not going to lose me Heart. I was scared too.” Her voice soft “i wanted to do what i did.” She smiled at him “youre amazing Kahalialaulani. Youre my voice” he whispered moving a piece of her hair out of her face “and youre my heart” she said “we keep eachother safe.” He smiled as she finished the sentence

[apocalyptic-morals]

A ramble of my life-

I simply need to get this out in some way.

There are very few people in my life who would accept me 100% for who i truly am. but to be honest i find myself asking, why does it even matter? what does their acceptance do for me? i am fake- i am a mirror reflecting what i think other people want, and therefore to them that is who i am. i am who they think i am to them, a small fragment of their life story in their head. this is the first time i am being honest to anyone other than myself. i simply lack empathy for most people. im not stupid, im not socially inept. i know what reactions matter to what topics, i know when to act sensitive, when to seem warm and open. i know how to make myself cry at funerals, i know when to laugh at peoples jokes. i know when i should seem to care.

alas, i am not completely emotionally empty. the only emotionally bonding experience i am able to have is with animals, such as cats, dogs, birds, anything. i have absolutely no clue why this is the way it is for me. i have bear witness to many morbid obscurities, as a matter of fact i am pursuing forensics since blood and g*re doesnt bother me. however, the first time i felt any tears on my face in many years was actually recently, when i put my dog down. i cant remember the last time i felt happiness.

i truly wish i wasnt this way. in the same way people try NOT to care about things, ive done all i can to force myself to care. im not even considered a loner- i initiate social interactions all the time. i have a partner, a family, friends. i feign these interactions because it seems like it should be normal- if i didnt, my family would be worried, and would try and seek me help. this honestly seems like a hassle over something that cannot be tamed, out of convenience i am a mirror to their views on me. to everyone i am me, to me i am no one. i was raised to care about the people around me, i was raised to be kind and loving, to be normal and so as to keep up this façade, i do everything i can to live up to their expectations.

at the same time, i know its not normal to not react to things properly. if i had it my way, id be a hermit. very few things make me feel happiness, very few things make me feel sadness. very few things bring emotion out of me. this lack of emotions would make me seem like an asshole in many settings. for example, at work, someone who had a dairy allergy received cheese on their sandwich. even though i knew and understood the severity of the situation, i just simply couldn't care. in my head, i made the situation right for me, out of my own convenience. i could even go so far as to say had that lady taken a bite and something terrible happened, i still wouldn't care. any tragedy in my life that has occurred regarding people, i just don't feel anything about. im j hollow all the time.

my partner and mines bond is the closest to a genuine bond ill ever have with a human- its because they are kind enough to try and figure me out. they are the only person to make me want to continue life, and thats good enough for me to keep trying for them. however, i have absolutely no clue what love is. i don't think my partner would want to stay with someone like me for very long when they have so much affection to give, so theres no point in searching for answers. if they stay, they stay. if they go, good for them. they are the only person ive discussed this with. i dont know if they want to fix me, or what they want, but for now i don't mind their presence. living with them is convenient anyways, to say the least.

to put an end to this rambling, theres only one more thing id like to mention. whether or not theres a reason why i am the way i am, it doesnt matter. i am who i always have been, and i cant change. someone i do look up to is the character from dexter, dexter morgan. other than the fact i have 0 interest in pursuing homicide as a hobby, hes someone i see myself in in a sense where his sense of self is very similar to my own views. he fakes it till he makes it, and goes after his motives and goals (even though theyre completely different from my own). i look up to him because he eventually is able to form somewhat genuine relationships with others, and throughout the series you see a plethora of emotions shine through him. i simply hope i can do the same.

[lillllbabygirl]

i just really can't take this anymore. any of it. i'm like. done. i am just done. and i am tired. i am so fucking tired. i have this constant headache. i'm fighting so fucking hard no body has any fucking idea how hard i am fighting just to keep fighting, and i am so fucking tired, i am truly just so fucking tired, i can barely take it anymore. i just don't know what to do anymore. i truly can't live a life like this. i can however so 100x better, but no ones given me the chance, nothing's giving me the chance, nothing is letting up. off of my fucking back, and i can't carry all this shit alone anymore. i want forward, but everything's BELIEVE ME, everything's bringing me back, and i can't take it anymore, i really... just can't. i'm the strongest, toughest, most unforgivably hopeful and driven, and solution seeking person i know, and have ever known by far. i truly truly fucking care when i say i care i mean that at least 10x more than you hear it, and i am so tired i can't even have room for my own thoughts anymore, i don't feel like me, i feel fucking used and disgusted with myself and the person that lays here right now, and everyday, is nothing but me, and nothing of a lack of trying and caring and trying to be just as genuinely me as any other fucking day since day 1, since the start. but there are so many days that go by now where i am completely stepped on, and disregarded, and left out of everything that seems like normal and functioning, and social, and just existing, and i'm truly, GOD, I AM TRULY SO FUCKING TIRED OF IT. i just want to be a person and idk why that seems so difficult to me because i have never stopped trying with every inch of me, and i just don't get why i am going no where. i've tried DETACHING, IVE TRIED EVERYTHING AND NOTHING MY POINT IS, I KNOW NO BODY IS GOING TO SAVE ME BUT ME BUT I DIDNT EVEN FUCK MYSELF IN THE FIRST PLACE AND I DIDNT FILL MY PLATE UP LIKE THIS I DIDNT MAKE THE STUPID DECISIONS THAT OTHER PEOPLE MADE FOR ME AND FUCKED ME SO SEVERELY AND ITS TRULY THE SADDEST THING TO SEE MYSELF LIKE THIS BECAUSE I AM REALLY STRUGGLING AND SUFFERING AND FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS NOT EVER STOPPED DOING THAT I KNOW YOU CANT IMAGINE WHAT ITS LIKE FOR ME BECAUSE EVERYBODY I KNOW AT SOME POINT HAS HAD A FUCKING BREAK BUT MY INCREDIBLE AND MOVING AND UNBELIEVABLY RESILIENT STORY AND IMMOVABLE SELF IS SO FUCKING TIRED LORD GOD SOMEBODY JUST READ THIS AND KNOW THAT I AM SO FUCKING TIRED AND TRULY FEEL ME AND EMPATHIZE WITH ME PLEASE BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS LONELY AND I DONT NEED ATTENTION I NEED FUCKING HELP AND IM DONE WITH JUST OF GETTING STARTED ASKING AND IM DONE PUSHING SO HARD TIRELESSLY AT THESE WALLS CLOSING IN ON ME AND IM DONE SELF LOATHING AND IM DONE SELF PITYING AND CRYING AND CLIMBING BUT REALLY JUST CLAWING AT THESE WALLS FOR A WAY UP OUT OF THIS FUCKING HOLE THAT NO BODY SEES AND IM SO TIRED OF BEING SO FUCKING SEEMINGLY OPEN AND HAPPY AND OKAY AND FORGIVING AND UNDERSTANDING AND TOLERANT AND FUNCTIONING AND SEEMING LIKE I AM SURVIVING ALL THIS BULLSHIT BECAUSE IM REALLY REALLY REALLY JUST FUCKING NOT I AM AN AMAZING SMART TALENTED PERSON BUT ALL THOSE ADJECTIVES MEAN NOTHING WHEN THIS IS WHAT I LIVE WITH THESE FUCKING HUGE ASS WALLS WHILE EVERYTHING SEEMS OUT IN THE OPEN AND GOOD AND OKAY AND ITS REALLY JUST NOT! ITS NOT OKAY? I AM NOT OKAY AND I HAVENT EVER BEEN okay OR good, AND THATS ALWAYS THE FUCKING ANSWER YOUVE HEARD FROM ME BECAUSE ITS AUTOMATIC BUT TO BE REAL WITH YOU I HAVEN'T EVER MET SOMEBODY WITH WALLS AS BIG AS MINE AND IS STILL SURVIVING DOWN HERE WHILE STARVING ITS NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE AND THIS STRES IS KILLING ME AND I DONT CARE WHAT ANYBODY SAYS. I DONT CARE. I AM TIRED. I AM AWAKE. THERES NO DIFFERENCE, IN THE START AND FINISH OF THE DAY TO ME IM THIS TIRED CONTINUOUSLY, IM THIS HURT ALL THE FUCKING TIME AND IM SO SORE AND I FEEL SO FUCKING FULL OF SHIT FOR TRYING TO BE OKAY ALLLLLL THIS MOTHER FUCKING TIME WHEN I DONT EVEN HAVE A SENSE OF FUCKING TIME SO WHATS THE POINT IN SPENDING IT IN THE FIRST PLACE? EVERYTHING IVE WANTED FEELS LIKE ITS GONE TO ME AND EVERYTHING

I AM FEELS LIKE IT WEARING AWAY. AND FOR GODS SAKE I AM SO FUCKING TIRED.

but today, just like any other day, i go to sleep feeling sleepless and wakeless at the same time, and ready for the end of the day to start at the beginning again. and somebody not to hear me whining about how i truly feel, because i'd rather secretly wither away, than stare sympathy in the face of the people i just want to say, they're proud of me, and for me to really agree and feel that way because of the accomplishments i've made. no more sitting in place, begging for a damn thing, but providing things to show how i truly feel and who i am today is something to be mattered with. idek if thats a fucking word, but fuck it, means something, i'm too tired anyway, i've said, and done enough now. no this is not a suicide letter, how could i kill myself, when i'm already otw. anyways. fuck this. shit. goodnight/goodmorning. & welcome to my world, & a little time incomprehensible piece of my head. you're welcome. :) congratulations.

[youhavetokeepmovingforward]

Letssss break it downnnn

I don’t love myself…there for I…

Love someone who does not love and can’t walk away because I am no strong enough…there for I…

Continue to damage and hurt my own being which creates unwanted and unnecessary bullshit get in my way of progressing my mental health and ruining all the work I have done up until now…there for i…

Need to find a solution and act on said solution instead of just continuing to “progress” in what bullshit my mental mind fuck of a brain thinks are “good ideas”, in all actuality I know what exactly what I’m doing and I’m choosing sht in my hurt when I could just walk away but I choose not to there for i…

Don’t why I do it because I don’t like myself and think I don’t deserve better so I settle for whatever I think makes me feel the best or because I actually fell in love someone and now I don’t know how to let go…there for I…

I don’t know what to do…keep going to therapy cause maybe it still actually helps when I go for different reasons now..or do I just go because it’s just that comfortable..is it even really helping me I mean I know it helps me she saved my life I wouldn’t be here without her but I just feel like our sessions are mostly gossip sessions of me just telling you about my life and you telling me to do things that im just not doing..there for i..

i want to figure out why i feel like that..ahh idk i fucking forgot..

What do I do do these things?! How do I make myself do them?! I don’t understand

idk how or why i constantly just do things i know arent good for me? why cant i stop? why can’t i understand my own self idk

Damn man I really almost had a breakthrough and that shit fucked me up but damn idk typos or what I’m just putting this out there … there for i…

I didn’t write a lot of what I thought about as putdowns for myself and speak a lot of negativity upon myself but I won’t do that or maybe I should I just don’t understand why I continue to hurt myself?! When I do truly want good things?! Did the depression really fuck with me that deep and hard that I just really don’t have that main core care for my own damn self?! Did the depression really fry me like some fucking freeze dried potatoes?! Okay that last line was stupid asf..there for I..

Change the subject back to…me wanting to not fucking hate myself so I can actually do things and be with people who don’t make me so fucking sad because they don’t want to spend time with me but claim they care and want to be with me..but don’t show no action or proof behind that?! I got so low from the beginning thinking about not being with him i should’ve known then to let that take and leave it be instead of continuing to hurt myself by the person I care about?! Whattt, that’s so backwards what’s wrong with me that I continue in this?! Really?! because I’m “in love” ? is this even what that really is? Yooo I’m finna post this shit before I go fucking bonkers..there for I…

Am going to add to this..and say that he did express deep and emotional feeling and care for me and could see a future/loving me..I could see in his face, his eyes, his demeanor, his posture, his hand movements, he was physically struggling to express how he felt..I saw that as him opening up and being vulnerable with me knowing I’m a safe space/place for him and his feelings..idk maybe people can really put on a show…maybe I feel too deeply and I’m love blinded maybe he does feel strongly about me as he expressed I don’t know but I just can’t help but find out and it brings me so low to where I don’t understand why I do it to myself..? What did he say..I think what you are is a diamond in the rough and said I can’t pass this up, I can’t pass you up…oyyyy

Yoooo big post

-L

[kirbycrouch]

living with bpd has to be one of the hardest things i have to deal with. i cant even begin to count the amount of friendships and friend groups ive lost and pushed away because of my unstable emotions and my inability to talk about my feelings and be vulnerable with people. i fucking hate being vulnerable, i hate talking about my feelings. but also i guess its just that i never really learned *how* to talk about my feelings. my whole life i was yelled at and told im "ruining everything" and am being "selfish" or "self centered" or that im a "burden" whenever i talked about my feelings or showed emotion. you see, my family has always been huge on their image and reputation, anything that could possibly make them look bad was seen as a problem, and thats why my family always ostracized me and saw me as a problem. when i got bullied all throughout grade school and high school my parents would blame it on me and would tell me "why is it only you that has these problems?? no one else in the family had these problems!!" and thats around when the first time i attempted to kill myself, but even then my parents tried so hard to hide the reason why i was in the hospital and told everyone its from "allergies" even though i was there for two weeks. sure theyre nicer to me now, but the damage was already done. truthfully though im used to always getting the short end of the stick and losing everything, or having things just. not. go. my. way. on top of me having bpd and being autistic and honestly at this point probably schizophrenic too with how fucking often i experience hallucinations and paranoid delusions, i also found out that i have pcos the other day right before my birthday, which my birthday also sucked but at this point it was too late for me to have a good birthday in the first place. i have to deal with having chronic mental and physical illnesses for the rest of my life that not only affect my personality but affect my physical appearance and health too. im not desirable physically or emotionally. everything i liked about myself is being taken away from me. and it doesnt help that i keep pushing away the people that care about me because of how fucking unstable and stupid i am. i lost everything. and i really cant even be upset because its all my own fault. i just continuously self sabotage myself. but i guess its not only my own fault because how cant i be scared? not that long ago i got banned from a college club, lost a whole group of friends, because i reported my rapist/abuser and they called me a liar. my rapist/abuser was "banned" too but we all know that i was only told that so i wouldnt report the club or "expose" them or whatever even though regardless no one will fucking believe me. when i was raped in high school someone i thought i could trust told everyone and i got called a "whore" and a "slut" throughout the whole 4 years there, not to mention he was in most of my classes despite me fucking begging the school to take him out of my classes or to change my schedule so i dont have to fucking see him everyday. of course they didnt listen, though. why would they? a few weeks ago my therapist literally told me "next time this happens you should keep it to yourself because no one believed you the last two times" and that just. broke me. but i cant even really be upset because shes right. no one believed me, and if it ever happened again still no one would believe me. no one ever takes my side, ive been alone and lonely my whole life, but its mostly my fault that im like this so who am i to get upset over my own actions. i dont know how much longer i can handle any of this, i thought things were getting better for me but i feel myself falling down the hole again. i really want to end it all. i dont have hope for things ever getting better for me. some people are just given a bad set of cards and theres no way they could ever win, and i think im one of those people, so i should just give up.

[bumpycap]

im so stupid im so stupid im so stupid everything ive done and yet it amounts to nothing, i continue to do nothing, it feels like I've done everything all the time constantly but its not enough it was never enough, i do nothing with excuse after excuse because im just tired. but that is an excuse. everything ive done never mattered and never will matter. im just. its. too much yet not enough cmon keep pretending but putting on the act only breaks you down cmon break down for me and it will all be ok but it is never ok and it never ends but just break down more but you dont get to say anything because I do everything i have it worse you pathetic little shit stupid excuse maker you have it easy you are doing nothing why are you doing nothing why cant you be perfect all the time you can do better i believe in you you can do this i KNOW you can you can do better you can do better you can do better youve done it before just do it again why arent you doing it again you have a perfect life we're giving you every oppurtunity and yet you keep breaking down its annoying your fat and lazy and stupid why cant you do things how you used to we have to fix you we want you back to how you were you are not you cmon get BETTER we can FIX you why are you still not doing anything you are BROKEN you can NEVER BE FIXED if you cant constantly produce good results you are a child and yet you should know how to communicate how to do things you werent taught dont you know that you cant just break down you have to know everything you are smarter than this why are you so broken these are just excuses im just seeing excuses what do you mean you dont care if you dont do this your entire life will fall apart why are you sad im right im right im older im right what do you mean you are a kid? be better be more grown, why are you trying to rationalize you are just a child i am above you always but you need to be apart of this conversation that you werent allowed to speak in for the last 15 years you should know how to make decisions dont you know how to do these things why are you breaking down again we put you on meds you should be fixed you should be fixed you should be better we gave you a computer we gave you a bigger room why are you sad you have so much you have nothing to be sad about why are you breaking down again excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses excuses this was directed at myself not anyone else

[scorchedhearth]

If you could fukky control and write about Jason as character what would you do?

oh thank you for indulging me :] i suffer from cant shut up disease so i had to put a cut there

ok so, first of all, i don't really follow what he's up to nowadays, i've read a couple of issues here and there but mostly it bores me so i dont have the fine details of continuity, no idea how to tie my hypothetical changes with what's currently going on

what i'd want to do is give him back the crime boss persona. not like he was in utrh, not entirely, but give him an attitude, set of values and principles that isn't the regular approach vigilantes have of investigating crimes and acting as aftermath. that's what's most interesting to me about red hood, that he takes proactive actions and has this 'control to prevent' attitude, there's a lot to be done with a 'good' guy doing something pretty much all of the heroes look down upon, things to explore and question and measure, and im not just talking about the 'to kill or not to kill' problem, but also 'is it ok to break in and beat people as a vigilante? where do you draw the line of what's admitted or not for a vigilante to do just because they've got good intentions even if legally it is a crime? you can leak drug deals information to the police but cannot do them yourself to manipulate the results as you want? what's moral, what's accepted as good and bad actions?' and all that jazz

first and foremost in the plot of this hypothetical run i'd be given, i'd have him give up the crowbars (fucking stupid choice imo), pick up guns again and stop running around doing patrol like every single other gotham vigilante do, there's spoiler to keep an eye on the narrow if he's worried about his home neighborhood. what i want for him is to do a lot of investigation and research and planning like he does pre-utrh, spending time making up complicated plans and then striking and unfolding it piece by piece with extreme meticulousness, showcasing his many skills (yes, fighting skills but also people skills like manipulation or reading people, making bombs, traps, poisons, using politics and all those things he learned)

i'd have him turn away from the batfam, at this point they've reached a status quo of as good relations as they'll get, by now jason has run dry his fantasy of good family attitudes and settled for what he'll get, stop trying to reach for their attention (admitting he's no longer 19 but in his 20s now). but, and that could be the new conflict, this new indifference could be a point of contention for bruce, who cannot use his desire for recognition as a way to weigh in jason's decisions. basically, emancipation from the daddy issues for my boy <3

for the story itself, im half temped to put black mask against, first because their interactions were amazing in utrh, and second because i think black mask having red hood sicced on himself twice is hilarious, man getting his office blown up by the same rogue vigilante twice, more news at 8. i would want something a lot more grounded, not magic or science fiction, just jason going up against gotham's mafia and slowly mowing them all down, getting his fingers into all the corrupted pies of gotham officials and pulling strings to his satisfaction. there would be lots of political plot points i think, jason growing bored of them to rely on his own methods, the slow gears of how crime actually works in real life

and! on a personal life note, have him bond with other people, not in his personal life because i still want him messed up and refusing genuine human relationships, but on a general human level. actually show why he's doing this, show the drug users getting compassion from the operation he's setting up, show him watching over the kids needing help, dismantling cover-up for abusers, etc. show that despite what he lets on, jason actually cares about other people and that's why he's doing this, to make gotham safe and protect victims and innocent people

the book ends with jason as this new gotham kingpin that even batman can't take down (and batman genuinely tries to, he just can't because jason is competent, he was trained right), thus putting a new status quo for following writers to stick to in the coming years, and maybe then we'd get stories that are deeper than just 'oh is killing good or bad? what does my dad want me to do because i don't have a personal moral anymore'

[imgonnagetkilledbynutstink]

Info dump abt peter nureyev

Im so fascinated with him as a character and how his brain works and ive been thinking (uh oh) that mentally peter is essentially still a child. Like theres 0 way he wasnt severly emotionally stunted as a kid and it shows (not an insult hes completely valid). But i mean he was a homless orphan in possibly the most terrifying place to be a homeless orphan ever and then all of a sudden this adult shows up and tells peter that he can teach him how to survive in that environment and obviously peter (who is literally like 10 at the time) trusts him. Now we can all agree that mags groomed peter right? And slip noticed that mags hanging around him was weird and called it out so its basically canon. But anyways peter listens to mags and trusts him and spends the next 7 years of his life training with him which, sure, it did help in some ways. Peter is an amazing theif and has learned how to put his skills to use because of mags BUT obviously he picked something up there cause people dont just usually mentally beat themselves up whenever they make a mistake. We dont know the details but id say its safe to say that there was probably some mental abuse that went on there to cause peter to be so hard on himself. And of vpurse mags lied to him about a huge part of his life and expected a child to do a world shattering mission basically on his own and it obviously didn't go well for either of them. And then there's slip. Sure we dont know most of the details yet, but we know that peters story abt him isnt a good one. Peter goes to him and its a similar cycle. Slip keeps him safe, loves him, makes him happy and then when the red flags start popping up peter looks away until he literally cant anymore. Theres literally a scene where slip comes home COVERED. IN. BLOOD. and exptected tried to hide it from peter. As far as my memory serves me, he didnt even give peter the whole story, just told him he "didn't kill anyone". I cant imagine how degrading it is to basically be looked in the eyes and be called stupid without literally being called stupid. Then, naturally, peter starts being less trusting until slip does something that resets the whole thing. He protects peters name. It was a pretty big act that could have put slips whole life in danger, and obviously when something like that happens you feel obligated to trust them. Why wouldnt peter question any negative thoughts he had abt slip? He risked his life for him. Then something else happens that we dont know about and it shatters peters trust entirly. He works completely alone for years and continues to use those abusive narratives that mags taught him. He uses a facade to look untouchable and dangerous but you can tell, even though he is very talented and smart, its a lie. And then theres him trusting Juno with his biggest secret only a day after knowing him. This has been a question that has rattled people for years. Why did he tell juno his name? And honestly i dont think its that complicated. I think peter literally just snapped. You can only hold up a perfect facade and keep all your thoughts and secrets inside for so long before you make a dumb decision and say something you didnt want to in the long run. There was probably a moment of regret we didnt get to see after he left and he just ended up being proved right by trusting juno. But i really just think he liked juno and saw him as a good trustworthy person and just acted. Anyways i think im done thanks

[delicrieux]

—MAKE YOU SAY “OH” EXTRAS: TINDER

extra meaning non-canonical occurrence; can be placed anywhere in the “make you say oh” timeline after couple (cha. 14) and before the final “oh”. 

pairing—corpse husband x f!reader warnings—tinder profiles, tw: men, swearing.  word count—2.6k. format— written. ─── ❥ req by nonnie​:  y/n makes a youtube vid/live stream where she's just swiping through her tinder acc and corpse literally blocks her lmao

author’s note—akldsljfs this was such a funny idea i could not not write it lmao

ultimate masterlist. myso masterlist

You have pulled the biggest brain move by setting up both a facecam and a screen recorder on your phone. All is beautifully displayed and visible during the stream. Your fanbase is particularly intrigued on what exactly are you planning on doing today, seeing as your tweet of “strea” had been a bit vague, if not downright ominous. No emojis. No elaboration. You couldn’t even be bothered to finish the word. Truly, a mystery. Everyone tuned in and are currently waiting with bated breath.

A few of your fans must sense upcoming doom because the overall mood in the chat turns from optimistically intrigued to...evil. It’s an entity all on it’s own now, clawing at you through the screen with various renditions of laughter and devil emojis. A few eggplants thrown in there for good measure, accompanied, naturally, by the scandalous water drops. At first the common consensus is that you’re biting the bullet and going through your camera roll on stream. Definitely an idea worth considering, though you frankly don’t know what lies at the start of the 11k photograph journey, and you are afraid to check in public. Could be a harmless meme, could be a salacious pic you had saved of an OF star. It’s really a gamble. Either way, you would definitely get banned. You might still get banned. Why do you insist on doing shit like this?

Because it’s funny. Because you’re kinda stupid. Because it’s just so absolutely laughably easy to do.

A smile quirks your lips, and while it is not explicitly smug, the look in your eyes sure is, “Greetings,” You utter lowly, dimming the lights--the budget for this stream! Ugh, you went all out, “my children.”

mother i crave violence

sensing evil energy rn!!

i do not claim the energy in this video for myself or anyone else watching this 💖💖

^with peace and love shut the fuck up

“I know y’all lowkey hoes-” Upon your words the chat splits into two: one side eagerly agrees (even shares a few OF accounts! How helpful, supporting small businesses!), whilst the other feverishly insists on innocence. You make a face stuck somewhere between offended and bewildered, “Now c'mon now-I know you. I know you all. We’re the same, don’t-what was that?”

You try to scroll back to the comment but it’s loss in the sea of incoming messages, “I swear to God I just saw-”

Corpse_Husband: i love late night streams it’s not like i have anything better to do.

“COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORPSE!!!!” 

rip headphone users

i cant feel my face when im with you by the weeknd but instead of face its my fucking ears

yall think full vol on pc is better?my parents woke up 😭😭😭😭

To think he’s spending his last waking moments for today with watching you (he probably still would have anyway, because you do not posses an ounce of shame or self-control and pester him relentlessly)! It makes your heart sing, and suddenly, a traitorous, fun hating idea barges it’s way through the crowd of incoherent buzzing and states: don’t do this. For some reason it also has the voice of Rae. As if that would work in guilt-tripping you- Rae never succeed, and her fictitious rendition in mind won’t fare much better either.

Still, you thought about it. That must count for something. Corpse will understand, won’t he? Why don’t you want to upset it in the first place? Men look so funny when they lose their shit, like hello, don’t you have anything better to do? But the image of Corpse just sitting there, hurt, distraught, leaving you on seen because he’s in his sad boy hours leaves a sour taste in your mouth. 

queen rly went from  🥺😊 to 😕 u ok bbgirl?

Corpse_Husband: no pouts cutie

akjdjoeijdfse cUTIE??? deadass boutta r.i.p.

Well that succeeded in eliminating everything from mind, doubts included. If this was an anime, the scenery would shift into something roseate, with flowers and bubbles and sparkles all around you along with a halo or two. Alas, not an anime, rather reality. The led-lights, however, seemingly possessing a will of their own, slowly turn from deep violet to pink. You smile brightly, like the absolute dumbass you are, and you are met with a ray of heart and blushing emojis. You are just so cute, a real cutie! Still in your disguise adorable state, you swipe your finger on your phone screen, the grin never leaving your lips.

There, among the plethora of apps, nestled sits a red square with a white fire plastered on it. The delicate calligraphy on the bottom reads: TINDER.

The mood changes once again- you’re giving the roaches emotional instability by how quickly everything flips over- and the chat spams eggplants vigorously; some, of course, bravely fight against the thirst.

nooooooo i thought y/n is gonna stream in a god honoring way!!!

^pack it up girl defined

“So, Charlie and I-” You note a few awfully curious comments and squint, “-yes, we talk a lot. Charlie is a really good friend of mine. We’re best friends. Brothers. Sisters. Cousins. The whole fucking family tree-no, that sounds weird. Delete. Anyway, Charlie, being the absolute fucker he is, said, hey, you know what would be funny? And I was like, nooo, what would be funny, Charlie? And he says to me, he says, says, making fun of men on Tinder. And if y’all need any more proof that Charlie and I are platonic soulmates, then dunno, my children, my roaches, I dunno-I dunno what more to give you.”

You can’t be bothered reading the comments, there’s too damn many. You also need to save your reading comprehension for the actual bios. It has a time limit, that darn thing. 

“Okay, so I made a profile earlier, but I hadn’t swiped on anyone yet-” Despite the fact, Tinder helpfully informs you that already 99+ people have swiped right on you, “So, this is me,” You show the pictures you have of yourself, and damn, not to be a conceited narcissist, but you look really good. Like if you saw yourself on Tinder, you’d super like instantly. “Uhm, so, my bio-my bio says: let’s sauce in the tub together, ya dig? splishy splashy, giggle giggle.” 

i cant believe we are witnessing y/n trying to form a coherent sentence live 

shes trying give her time

ya dig??? y not capeesh

what scene from the godfather is this lol?

“My anthem, is,” You laugh, covering your lips with your hand, “Corpsie, this is form you-” Proudly, you show that indeed, Corpse’s E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY FUCKING LIFE is listed as your anthem on Spotify, “Hehe.” Yes, you say that aloud.

Corpse_Husband: you’re killing me Corpse_Husband: thanks baby Corpse_Husband: now delete tinder ❤︎

You ignore his last quip, deciding it’s finally time to get this show on the road, “Right, let’s do this shit. I’m not actually going to swipe on any guys that look, uh, decent? Yuck, can’t believe I just said that, uhm, because I-because I feel like some actually deserve a chance with someone? I don’t wanna get anyone’s hopes up, as I am currently in a long distance relationship with Chrollo. So I’m just gonna swipe on, like, frat boy assholes. Because I don’t care if I hurt their feelings. Quite frankly I don’t think they possess them in the first place.”

The chat voices their agreements. With the ground rules set, you, giddy, click on the first profile.

Does Tinder know what you’re doing, your plan? The FBI agent watching you through your phone must be working overtime, bless his heart. They must, because the the first guy to meet you is named Jason, and there he is, blond hair and blue eyes, holding up a fish the size of his torso. Marginally adequate in looks, pretty good muscles. A solid 7 bordering on 8. He’s the same age as you, 15 miles away, and he studies at some college you don’t care enough to look up. Bio reads:

I like to drive fast. Fishing is my passion, but if you can’t catch me by the ocean, you’ll catch me catching waves, bro! Love a good gym date. You do squats, and I’ll keep a close eye to make sure you’re doing it correctly ;) You probably saw me at a party. Leader of the The Phi Kappa Psi. I’m a Gemini, if that matters lol.

You, of course, read it aloud, dramatically; provide some constructive criticism-he seems nice, but he’s a Gemini, so naturally, you can’t trust him at all! Also, that gym date session leaves little to be desired. With your rant done, you swipe right, and shocker! (not), it’s an instant match.

“Okie, I still wanna swipe of some profiles, so I’ll see what he’ll text later-” For a second you wonder the legalities of this stream, but you’re having too much fun to think of it further, “guys, I won't get sued, right?”

NOW she considers it

well....

if you do, we’ll kickstart your lawyer dw <3

Onto the next profile. Kevin, 25, is seen fixing his car- or, you assume he’s mid-fixing it, you don’t really know why else he’d hold a wrench and be covered in oil. He’s shirtless, and the caveman part of your brain echoes something closely resembling AWOOOGA!, but...but!...blonde hair, blue eyes. You pout again, “I don’t...I don’t really like blond boys, ya know? With the blue eyes and all, it’s just not my thing, uhm, unless it’s like-like...Armin from Attack on Titan. Else I don’t care.”

Onto the bio:

You have to treat a car like you treat a woman: go on long rides, take the lead, but most importantly, keep her oiled up 😜 

“What the fuck did I just read?”

The chat is equally confused. You swipe right anyway- another match. Too easy.

The stream continues without incident for a solid thirty minutes- all of your matches, expect a few that genuinely looked like normal dudes that really couldn’t write a decent bio to save their lives, had been blond hair blue eyed gym rats with ranging forms of misogyny. Some opened with asking for nudes out right, some asked about your day first before asking for nudes. You prefer the former. Straight to the point! You admire the gall. 

But then, down the forty-five minute mark a profile popped up that made you still by your phone, your smile dying as your eyes bulged. Dear God. Lord in heaven. Who is this demonspiit lookalike and why is he so fucking hot? The neck tats, the skateboard, the clothes- holy shit, you gotta close your mouth before some drool dribbles out.

No bio, just his name, Tyler, and that he’s 23.

“He boutta be 23 in me.” You mutter, swiping right with lightning speed.

WHAT DID SHE SAYYYYY?????????

tyler is y/ns karma for relentlessly mocking that one guy that had a whole ass list on what his “female” partner should be

^he deserved it and also tyler seems like a typical fuckboi y/n grow a braincell

look at mom 🥺 her eyes are sparkling

It wasn’t a match right away. You somehow expected as much, but it still upset you. Simp behavior, pathetic. The stream continued bravely, and when Tyler messaged you a simple “yo” you totally didn’t sequel. You didn’t manage to text him back on stream: texting all those guys that you didn’t really find all that attractive was easy, but this...You’re a sucker for a man who radiates red flag energy. His whole profile is a red flag. He might just be a red flag himself.

What can you do? Suddenly becoming color blind is not easy. Once the stream ends, you unmatch with everyone expect Tyler. He you chat with for a bit, but a sudden craving for different company makes you abandon him, too. You don’t feel too heartbroken for him- you’re certain there’s already too many girls in his dms. You wish them luck.

Happily, you delete Tinder. You go to Twitter, notice you’re trending again- look at you go! Queen shit- and as you compose a thank you tweet, something strange happens. You go to text Corpse, but when you click on his profile you grow cold.

YOU’RE BLOCKED. You can’t follow or see @/Corpse_Husband ‘s Tweets. 

...Pardon? You hop onto Instragram and-also blocked. Seriously? And you thought you’re one petty bitch. Corpse is seriously prissy about everything. Damn, if he didn’t like your stream, he could’ve just said so. Didn’t need to, like, block you from his internet existence. So not cool.

You try texting him but no text go through. Well how will you let him know you deleted Tinder just like he asked? You relieve your frustrations by punching your pillow a few times. Later, you apologize to her, you didn’t mean to hurt her, it’s not her, it’s you. Fuck, 5 minutes of exile and you’re already loosing your mind.

“Raeeeeeeeeeeee!” You whine loudly. It’s roughly 2am now, but you don’t care. You’re too heartbroken to care. There’s a thump from her room, but nothing else, “Raeeeeeeeee!!!” You wail, wallowing in self-pity on your bed. You hear a very loud, very annoyed sigh from her room, followed by angry marching. Your door is abruptly thrown open, and in the dim, colorful light you see her scowl.

“What?” She grits.

“Can you please tell Corpse to unblock me from everything?”

“What did you do now?”

“I made fun of men on Tinder.”

She pauses, “...That doesn’t sound so bad.” She surmises, voice laced with suspicion, “What else?”

“...There was one really hot guy that I kinda sorta talked to after--”

“Y/n.”

“-But I totally deleted Tinder and honestly he was pretty boring, so, like, uhm, please?”

She sighs, the servery of which implies she is holding the weight of the world on her shoulders, and instantly you know that you won. She taps away at her phone, “You owe me one.” She states, and before you can reply, she exits your room and slams the door behind her.

Grinning, you text his phone again. The message goes through, oh gosh, you’re so relieved you feel like crying. This has been, officially, the worst five minutes of your life.

You Y DID U BLOCK ME LOSER!!! MAJOR LOSER ALERT!! I DELETED EVERYTHING IT WAS A JOKE r u still mad at me? y u always mad at me i never do anything:(

my husband You’re my baby, how do you think I’ll react when I see you publicly simping for some asshole on Tinder?

Oh no, he used the words, he delivered the killing blow. You’re finished. Your heart can’t take such a workout. 

Not that you would ever admit it to him, though!

You hehe ur jellyyyy u always dis jealous hehe?

my husband Not jealous.

Yeah, you might not be the brightest tool in the shed, but even you know that’s a lie. You send him an array of kissy emojis that he doesn’t have the decency to reply to. Then, completely unprompted and dead serious, you send him a simple voice memo, saying: “You really have nothing to worry about, you know? You’re my favorite, Corpsie.”

He responds via text, reiterating that he’s not fucking jealous and that he just doesn’t like when you show such outward interest in anyone but it’s not like he cares or anything. It’s just really, like, weeeeird to see his baby simping for another man like that totally ruins the whole dynamic!!! It was only natural that he should block you on every social media platform, including his personal number (which, like, was completely necessary! Doesn’t matter that his viewers can’t see it, it’s gotta be super believable!), and inform his followers of that, because it’s all a joke, like, for the dynamic, that Youtube grind, you know? Ya dig? No personal feelings were involved at all. He totally wasn’t upset that you found someone else cute, no way!

my husband I’m not jealous. Lol.

You ik u repeated tht like 50 times  u trynna convince me or??? lmao

my husband No comment. ...You don’t actually talk to anyone else like we’re talking, right?

You no one else calls me their baby if thts wat ur wondering at least not to my knowledge lol im all urs

my husband That makes me very happy to hear:)

Yeah, it makes you very happy, too.

hope you liked it!! xx

[abigail-nicole]

tgcf liveread, part 4

archiving my live-reading of Heaven Official's Blessing, the best danmei and one of the most enjoyable novels I ever read, officially translated and available legally now from Seven Seas publishing, featuring Fearless Zen Himbo Xie Lian and Sexy Angry Calamity Everyone Is Afraid Of Hua Cheng. this finishes out book 1 and starts book 2

originally live-tweeted on 3/29/2020

Is actually adorable that the heavenly officials are like “we respect that you’re friends with hua cheng”

baby Xie Lian loves swings.....adorable....

Sad? Try jumping into the first well you see

Oh no going to see his parents graves!?????? I’m dying a little

QI RONG YOU DISRESPECT MOM XIE????????? HES GONNA KILL YOU

Oh my god THIS is where we end book one ??????? NIGHTMARE

Thank god I’m not actually waiting for a chapter & can jump into book two immediately!

BOOK TWO :

IS THIS GONNA BE ANOTHER MDZS LEVEL FLASHBACK MY TINY HEART DOESN’T WANT THAT

Xie Lian, With some Dramatic Timing,

I often read books really fast bc dramatic tension makes me nervous & i need to know what’s going to happen. Because getting too invested in a thing with a sad ending kills me!! So a spoiler that a story has a sweet happy ending INCREASES MY ENJOYMENT OF A BOOK

Young Qi Rong more annoying than green ghost qi rong

any time someone has one eye covered in gonna jump in screaming WE KNOW WHO HAS ONLY ONE EYE

WAIT AFTER THIS WHOLE SCENE THERES JUST THAT ONE PARAGRAPH i mean i know well get more later but ummmmmnmm FEELINGS MUCH

Xie Lian, stand up comedian

I read this passage to my spouse who was shocked & said “I THOUGHT THIS WAS A ROMANCE NOVEL” and then I said “OH SO ROMANCE NOVELS CAN’T HAVE BIG THOUGHTS ABOUT THE STATE OF THE WORLD?”

and continued “JUST BECAUSE MOST NOVELS THAT ENGAGE WITH PHILOSOPHICAL IDEAS HAVE HETEROSEXUAL ROMANCE DOESNT MEAN THAT CANT HAPPEN WITH HOMOSEXUAL ROMANCE TOO”

I’m sorry I said Xie Lian was a himbo

just kidding the inability to see outside of moral imperatives is the mark of a himbo. also I love & appreciate himbos

These flashbacks are really illustrating Xie Lian’s character growth over 800 years. That’s some Good Writing

A ONE EYED CHILD WHO KEPT A SHRINE TO XIE LIAN???? YOU SAY????

My tiny heart clenches up

Xie Lian to Hua Cheng: yeah when I was young & stupid I once told someone to keep living for me hahahaha isnt that dumb

Hua Cheng: (four side eye emojis)

Watching Xie Lian lose control and realize how powerless he is ..... that’s rough, buddy

When i call heroes “dumb babies” and say there are only Villains and Dumb Babies..... this is exactly what i mean

The Hero is The Fool pass it on

I hate reading scenes where things systematically go to shit in every single way ........ reading with one eye closed, turning pages hurriedly, like waiting for the monster to pop out in a scary movie....

READING WITH ONE EYE CLOSED AHHHHHH TOO MUCH TRAGEDY. Closing doors to refugees struggling who need help & punishing them for seeking aid? TOO MUCH LIKE REAL LIFE

This is Too Real For 2020

Dumb Baby

Growing up is rough

Book 2; in conclusion,

WHITE CLOTHED CALAMITY APPEARS

yes the refugee killing was too real for 2020 & then a plague appeared

their first fight together omg and he’s like...... you should get a scimitar.....a cute one.....

ghklcdukbj ffl lolololol i was NOT expecting this land of the tender scene

NOW THERE’S A PANDEMIC IN THE NOVEL???? THIS IS TOO REAL

THANK GOD IM DONE WITH BOOK TWO

I’m so excited to be done with book two i’m gonna make myself some nice tea. Then read some Older Wiser Less Upset Xie Lian. As a treat

I’ve never been so happy to have Qi Rong back

Ling Wen deserves BETTER

ID PRAY TO YOU

I would PAY MONEY to watch “The Red Demon Burnt The Temples of Thirty-Three Gods And Not Even The Heavens Could Do Shit”

“Wait this wasn’t as gay as this in real life.......well.....okay maybe it actually was”

THREE THOUSAND!!!!! I JUST SCREAMED TO MY EMPTY LIVING ROOM

but oh honey you know that’s going to make your boyfriend uncomfortable i know you wanna piss off all the heavenly officials but

Pei Ming is like I DON’T NEED A PLAY TO TELL ME WHEN FLIRTING IS HAPPENING I CAN SPOT FLIRTING BETTER THAN ANYONE

He just wants to be debt free and has a side gig: Xie Lian is the God of Millennials

Grudge Fetus and Xie Lian's Cross Dressing (second for this novel) Exorcism continued in next part!

[secretsniper2]

Late for Class..

“Im going to be late! Again! Why cant I wake up on time, stupid alarm clock, Im breaking it when I get home I swear!”

Its my usual response really, but I already know full well why I stay up so late, last night I tried to cum for 4 hours before I finally gave up and went to sleep, I just cant seem to manage a single orgasm, all I do is edge and make the throbbing worse! What's wrong with me? I was in such a rush Im only wearing a Simple plaid skirt with pink panties and thin white top with a poorly chosen black bra that shows clearly through my even poorer choice of top, tight 3 inch boots on my legs, A single tear flies off my eye as I rush to the station, I don't want to miss my train today or I really will be late for class.

Dashing through the station, my long brown hair flowing behind me as I make my way to the platform, Its packed, Ill be lucky to get a seat, odds are ill be standing today but at least I made it in time, “Might make it to classes after all.” I think to myself with a smile. Train arrives and I brace for the rush, and as the doors open Im pushed by other commuters into the train and soon enough were all packed in like sardines, barely room to myself I notice that Im being pushed up into someone larger than most in this carriage. He is tall, 2 full heads taller than me, Brown hair and large beard, his green eyes looking down and not just into my own green eyes, but seemingly through them, staring at me harder than any other has before.

The people everywhere still fighting for more space pushes me further into this man as our eyes still locked onto each other as my chest presses into his and i can feel my nipples starting to get harder under my bra, Im still aroused from my poorly timed marathon last night and this man seems to have figured my arousal out, his arm moves around me and pulls me even closer as his other arm moves between us and touches my stomach with his big warm hands. 

Still locking eyes with me my mouth opens slightly as I feel his hand begin to slide down my leg and twist up my skirt, fingers crazing my slick thighs, and moments later caressing them, his fingers are being coated in my shame from last night. Sliding up my juice coated thighs his hand continues up till he cups my sex, Im soaked, dripping and desperately needy, moaning instantly into the gaze of this man the second he touched my pussy, my thin pink panties might as well not even be there since I soaked them through completely as his hands were trailing up my thighs before he even touched my wet sex.

A finger peels my useless panties off my pussy as I feel 2 fingers touch my clit and begin to rub, forcing louder moans as I break eye contact as his other hand, which had been holding me closer launches over my mouth and silences me before anyone could take notice to the moan, good think too as his massaging of my clit is making me moan harder and harder without stopping and it only took this man 12 seconds to bring me to a solid edge, it takes me much longer to get my edging started but this man.. 

Another edge hits as his fingers rub around my labia as he scratches at my clit constantly, dragging fresh moans from my face I feel him pushing a thick finger into my pussy slightly, seeming to test my pussy, its a tight fit, he knows Im a virgin now for sure, only a virgin is this tight to a single finger and I close my eyes as the idea of being raped on this crowded train as my first time slaps me with a edge on its own..

The movements of the train barely phase this man as his hand remains locked to my soaked pussy, his finger curled under pressing a knuckle into my nervous hole as his fingertip flicks at my clit, Im being overloaded, its far more intense than what iv ever done to myself and this man has only been in sexual contact with me for little over a minute and iv edged 4 times now.. 5 times now, his finger wont stop scratching at my clit, while his remaining fingers massage my labia from the base of my pussy to where my clit sits, Im being tortured and no one here is aware because a small girl is being gagged by a hand!

Constant stimulation has reduced my pussy to a source of ever flowing juices as my inner thighs are soaked down to my knees, if my boots weren't nice and tight id likely be standing on my toes in boots filled with proof of my arousal, thankfully they remain tight and my feet are dry inside though Im still being edged while standing on my toes almost making my legs give out beneath me. My juices flowing down my boots and pooling between my feet and the streams on my legs and the constant droplets from the mans hand keep expanding my puddle of need! I hate how turned on I am!

Pulling up to a station at last, I have 4 stops till I get to mine as I look back into this mans eyes, he still staring down, studying my expression and face as his other hand raises from my hand and a finger pushes past my lips and I instantly begin to swirl my tongue around it, I cant stop myself at this point as I suck hard on the finger rubbing my tongue as I moan in bliss as i hit edge after edge, as my head starts to shift back and forth, Im now giving this finger a blowjob and I cant stop myself, Im being swallowed in pleasure.

Another station and I slam into my 15th edge, my mind is in a haze as I drool as my head bobs back and forth on his finger with enthusiasm Im embarrassed Im showing someone who is essentially drugging me with my own arousal! My eyes unfocused as I feel his gaze still burning onto my face as my head drones on his finger, tongue working the underside of his finger as the suction Im giving is pulling my cheeks in on the draw back, my clit being rubbed to another mind breaking edge as we pull into another station and more people leave and enter the train. 2 stops to go, if I can even bring myself to go by then! And as i get to another edge the man leans in, removes his finger and locks his lips to mine, his tongue launching in and kissing me deeply, his saliva covered hand moving behind my head holding me in his kiss.

Making out with this man in brought to another edge quickly followed by another edge as the kiss goes in I melt into this man, legs going limp as I slam into another edge, my eyes fluttering as the man releases my mouth from his probing kiss as his finger drives back in and pulls against my jaw so Im forced to look back as he draws my focus as he pinches my clit before removing his pussy scented hand and licking his glossy fingers. Doors open and Im immediately pulled from the train, 1 stop early but the man doesn't care, his hand behind my head had lowered to my waist when the door had opened as he leads me out the train and through the station.

Walking out to the street the man directs me to the parking lot and a large van unlocks as we approach, I slow my pace but am met with a strong arm still wrapped around me as Im almost dragged to his van. Opening the side door I look around, 1 single seat with multiple bolts around the van, Pushing me into the seat Im quickly tied to the seat as i sit open mouthed in shock, the situation still not beating out my haze completely. Opening my mouth to voice something, anything, a cry for help, a plea for my safety, but as my mouth opens a finger dives in, its the same finger that was rubbing my throbbing clit earlier, I can taste my pussy on his fingers, smell the pure need I left on him.

“You don't say a fucking word, understood?” The man growls with a deep voice, echoing in my head I nod pathetically as his finger withdraws and a ring gag is pushed into my still open mouth, ensuring that my mouth stays open as drool quickly starts to pool in my mouth and flow through my ring and onto my thin white shirt.

Hopping in the drivers seat the man starts the van and we go for a drive, I cant see much outside the front windshield as the interior has been covered in padding to keep any silly screams for help between us 2 in the van. Tears start to form in my eyes as the man looks in the mirror and sees me dead centre of his view, he raises a remote and presses it and I jump in my bondage, my seat is vibrating! its formed in such a way my entire pussy is resting on a new vibrating pad, Im being forced to ride a vibrator while the man continues to drive, chuckling as I moan aloud, drool flowing onto my covered chest, the thin top soaking and sticking to me it almost fades when wet so it looks like Im not even wearing a shirt now!

10 minutes? 20? I don't know, the haze has returned as Im forced into more edges, and hearing a occasional chuckle I know when the man looks at me in his mirror as I lazily look around the van or up to meet his gaze when he drinks in my situation, was this all planned by him or was my abduction a spur of the moment thing? I don't know, and I cant ask with this ring in my mouth, only moan as I hit another edge and drool onto my generous breasts.

Pulling into a alleyway the man shuffles back and grabs my phone, Asking for the password i have little choice but to give him access and he starts going through my personal info, Smiling as he reads 1 of my bank statements.

“Looks like your going to be in debt a while Anna!” He says with a smile forcing a pathetic growl from my open mouth.

Reading my phones diary he goes into my private notes and laughs out loud and I hear him say the diary title “Orgasm Attempts” and my face burns red, Never having experienced a orgasm in my life for some unknown reason and now this man knows and I cant stop him!

“Lets run a test then! since were already in a nice place!” He says as Im untied from the still vibrating seat and the door is opened, thrown out of the van I notice Im not even in the city we took the train to, he's taken me somewhere I don't know! As the man follows he grabs my arm and lifts me up casually and spins me around and pushes my face against the alley wall, Hearing a zipper open i start resisting in earnest and Im rewarded for my resistance by hearing rapid clicking and something cold wrapping around my wrist, having my arm pulled behind my back then more cold clicking on my other wrist..

Iv been handcuffed! I cant push off the wall, I cant push him away! Im as helpless as a child and can do about as much as 1. Feeling my skirt get raised up and tucked into itself my ass is on display, pink thong parting my firm cheeks as he runs a thick finger down the band and pulls my thin layer of fabric and only cover aside and a monstrous pressure hits my asshole, his cock is lined up and my butt is about to take a beating. With ring gag still in my mouth i bite down as pain flows through me, my tight ass has only ever had small plugs and occasional finger enter but now Im taking a 4 finger thick rod in my ass my eyes are watering fast!

Blinking back tears as a moan scream combo rushes out as he thrusts hard and slams into me, his balls slapping my soaked pussy as Im impaled by a solid dry cock, and to my shame I hot another edge as he bottomed out, pulling back drew out another sound, I felt like i would throw up when he quickly thrust back in, raping my tight ass in a alleyway where anyone could see us, as his balls continue slapping my cunt as im fucked harshly to another edge. 

Im crying out, the first thrust was excruciating, the following 5 were horrendously painful but now Im feeling pleasure, Im being raped and Im starting to moan as he works me over with his cock, his thrusting speeding up and I know what's coming next, and Who is cumming next since its never been me in my life! Heat bursts into my tight, freshly deflowered ass, feeling hot like lava I cry out as I edge as Im filled, my pussy drooling with need and unfulfilled pleasure as my ass takes his cum all the way inside me, his balls tensing as he pumps more and more cum inside.

Spinning me around and pushing me into the van once again the man rummages around while I lay there, spasming with a full ass and desperate cunt, I feel something press into my ass again and it slides in easily, too easily to be his cock.. Its a plug! my ass has been filled with his cum and is now being plugged to keep me full! why would this man plug me? I turn to get my answer but hes already pushed me into the van and hops in after me, his hard cock swinging between his legs. It felt massive in my ass but its not as big as i thought, definitely larger than average by a full 2 sizes it isnt a monster to break me with, thankfully since if it was any bigger my ass would have torn for sure!

Mouth still open and drool flowing out and stuck to my face and hair he pulls me forward and my mouth lands right where he wants me to land, with my hands cuffed behind my back I cant stop or slow my fall as his entire length, which would go from my elbow to my wrist is now passing the ring and my throat parts as my momentum causes me to deepthroat him right at the start, my tongue thrashing around on the cock in my mouth, his tip in my throat I gag painfully but helplessly. I feel his hand run through my hair as I continue to swallow his cock in a long dive down, he grips my hair at the base and pulls me up and almost entirely off.

Im coughing painfully instantly as he then releases my head and I drop once again to the base of his cock and then once again having my head grabbed by his hand at the base of my hair he then begins to use my head as a fleshlight, a toy I cant avoid being used as at this point, my mouth being full of his cock and before too long Im pushed to the base, his length in my throat as i feel his balls tensing and Im rewarded for my unwilling blowjob with a stomach full of cum being pumped in my throat. Being bulled off his still rigid cock a dildo gag is pushed in my mouth and locked in, Im being forced to deepthroat another cock, at least this 1 cant cum...

Securing me to my seat Im once again sitting with my pussy firmly planted on the vibrating pad, and in seemingly no time at all Im forced to the edge once again, my haze ever present, iv been drowning in pleasure since I woke up, and this mans actions have shaken me, even when used by someone else I really cant cu, I tear up at that realization as we drive off yet again. My view limited again after another 20 or so minute drive with another 30 or so edges Im far beyond any daily edge count iv had before, pulling up to a random alley once again Im untied and the gags are removed from my mouth.

“See you on the train tomorrow.” The man says as Im pushed from the van and he drives away, Spit covered shirt with black bra still visible and my skirt still tucked in exposing pushed aside panties and bald bare pussy and thick plug in my ass I return everything to its usual place then look around to get my bearings. Im a block away from my Uni, a few hours late for sure and no longer caring for the class I clearly missed I might as well just go home, but ill need a new shirt before I go since this shirt is barely a shirt now.

Dashing into a clothes store and a few minutes later leaving in a cheap shirt with my soaked shirt in a bag I leave for the station I intended to reach far earlier today, Hopping on a train and start my hopefully peaceful trip back home I sit in a vacant seat and relax, my ass clenching on the plug he left in me and I know the second I remove it ill be spilling cum everywhere so Ill have to choose a more secluded place, Glancing up my eyes widen and I see him, Sitting on the other end of the carriage, green eyes trained on mine as he sits, and waits unmoving.

5 Stops then its mine and I watch him carefully, Is he planning on assaulting another girl like he did me? Why cant I bring myself to call him out? 4 stops remaining. I should hit him or kick him, he raped me and even plugged my throbbing ass! 3 stops remaining. I should tell someone, there are girls all over this train and they would help me right? 2 stops remaining. Whatever he does ill stop him, I cant let what happened to me happen so someone else.. even though they get his.. cock and get to cum.. why couldn't I cum? why cant I ever cum? 1 stop remaining. Sitting in my seat my hand idly slides under my skirt, my wet shirts bag hiding my action as I begin rubbing my still throbbing clit to another edge, “I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!” i think over and over in my head as my finger traces circles around my slick clit and another edge until.

Doors open and I jump up, the man following suit, I step off the train onto my station and the man does the same on the other end of the carriage.. What's his game? I cant go home if hes following me, I don't want this man knowing where I live! But what choice do I have here, If I don't go home and he follows me I could be in real trouble, in my own home town..

I take off running from the man who only walks after me, Its 5 blocks of zig zagging and a lot of looking back but I loose him quickly. “cant keep up if all you do is walk!” I think to myself as I unlock my front door, enter than lock everything I can lock to secure my home and I take a deep breath, Windows and doors all locked I take another breath, my ass throbbing after running while plugged like this I retreat to the shower and work the plug out. The second it comes out the cum follows, “he really filled me” I think as i turn the shower on, taking my clothes off to clean myself up.

Getting changed I don't feel very hungry.. considering the “Meal” I had earlier I just go to bed early, Resting my throbbing ass is all I need to focus on and that needs sleep.

Tossing and turning in a light sleep, the scenes from today keep replaying in my head, the arousal, the amount of edges I was forced to experience, the taste of his cum on my tongue, the pleasure.. it felt good, I cant lie about that much. Feeling the bed shift i simply readjust in my bed when a hand presses on my mouth. My eyes shoot open as Im staring back into those same green eyes..

With his other hand pulling my initially fresh and dry panties off my body, my imagination replaying the events from earlier soaking them thoroughly he grabs my leg and raises it high, his cock once again levelled with me he rubs it over my soaking pussy and thrusts a few times, coating his cock in my shame he aims once again for my tight recently emptied ass and pushes hard.

“Nice home you have here” He says in his deep voice as he pulls my raised leg back and so pulling me further onto his cock. “I think ill stay a while, show you a few fun things, teach you a few other things” He says with a smile as he thrusts hard and I feel his cock drive deep once again. “Tomorrow Im going to feed you a refreshing cum cocktail, you'll learn to love it, or not, its all you'll be drinking from now on anyway!” He laughs! My pleasure at its peak my mind cant believe whats going on, I black out in a mix of fear, pleasure and shock. I think Im going to miss my next few classes too..